#shitt-happens-accept-it

[ratboydipshit]

ive just quietly come to accept that my gpu will spit some corrupt garbage out at the end of a frame every once in a while when doing d3dx rendering but i wish someone could please explain why it does not happen if there's a video playing on my second monitor. ive learned that it has to be like consistent 24/30/60fps video, someone displaying a semi-static powerpoint presentation in a youtube video (like paul cockshott) seems to be pre-optimized to only draw a new frame when the slide actually changes and that brings the garbo. does youtube's web player have a dynamic frame rate? or maybe on the hardware-accelerated video level it's just persisting that shitt? it's not scary anymore its just fascinating. well it is a little bit scary. im doing experiments

[ilx-8s]

Still new to tumblr but i think this is a repost thing so i'm going to yap a lot abt this hahaha

This is taken from some reddit post i made a while ago regarding how good the ending was and i think it somehow relates to this post regarding how tsuna changed in general, this wonderful person said EVERYTHING about tsuna from reborn's so i'll just talk abt tsuna,

If you're looking for something where the main character turns from being the lamest person on the planet into being the smartest, the strongest with all the girls khr is not for you.

Khr is a show you need to re-watch (and re-read the manga) a couple of times to understand the characters.

Tsuna would never accept to be within the mafia, Even in the future arc he mostly became the Decimo bc nono died (hinted in the vongola trails thing around ep 86-88), Xanxus couldn't lead the vongola and he was the only one to do so, specially after the Arcobalenos started dying, Yamamoto's dad dying and all, a lot of other stuff probably happened that pressured him into being the Decimo, he probably stayed in control after that tho, specially with reborn being back and all.

Khr isn't about improving yourself and liking the new version you created. Khr is about accepting all the flaws in you. Yes tsuna isn't perfect and didn't change much yet he did, he accepts his flaws now - he accepts himself. He has people he can rely on, people he went through crap with, he isn't as lonely as he ever was before. Tsuna's character is a very complex character.

In the beginning tsuna disliked how people kept on coming into his house and how annoying they are, he only thought of himself and never considered others, he was a normal teenager, he didn't want to change bc he was convinced he can never become better, and the title of "no-good tsuna", "dame tsuna" would stick with him forever. He always underestimated himself and thought people around him he admired like Yamamoto would leave him bc he was a no one, he always thought about it, even in the inheritance arc for example. When shitt p started talking about tsuna and how a no good he was, tsuna agreed with her and thought that gokudera would be "disillusioned" thus won't like him anymore and would think he's a regular no good loser. (Chapter 315)

In chapter 5 for example (was never adapted to the anime) Tsuna mentions a couple of times in front of everyone how he can't be compared to Yamamoto, how he's a no one, he doesn't put any effort into anything, he never has any intense thoughts about wanting to die because he failed something, or how he could never understand Yamamoto. Tsuna was never able to feel mad for himself, ever. He started later on feeling mad for his friends (like the damage byakuran caused for them, or how he was mad abt what xanxus did to the ninth.)

He never had a father for most of his life so he grew up with a weak personality, was never able to ride a bike until like the fourth grade, he had no dad to teach him how to do it, or do anything in general, Nana is an airhead which makes it much worse. He started realizing his self-worth slowly after reborn came (which was implied to be a father figure to him like twice in the final arc and was called out a lot throughout the series on having a huge impact on tsuna) in which tsuna got mad at his father for leaving them - a thing he never felt before bc deep inside he was convinced he doesn't deserve anything bc he was a no good, to the point he can say it out loud in front of a lot of people (chapter 5.)

In the koukyo arc he was determined to help lancia and defeat mukuro bc of all the damage he has done.

Then comes the Rebuke Bullet. The effect of this bullet is for the target to experience real-time rebukes (scoldings) from people that they know. This allows the internal limiters to be lifted and causes the target to enter Hyper Dying Will Mode. Tsuna Started to think "am i going to stay as a no good forever?" Then he decides (after the rebukes he heard) that he isn't going to die in peace if he didn't defeat mukuro.

Then in the varia arc, he was scared the entire time yet refused lambo joining till the very end and entered the battle field for lambo (he would've never done that in the beginning of the anime.) And saved him as he didn't care about the rings as much as he did to lambo. He was so mad for the nono eventhough he had only met him once when he was a kid and determined to never let Xanxus lead the vongola eventhough he would've never done that in the Daily life arc for example, he never wanted to deal with the vongola.

Then comes the future arc where tsuna had the most significant change. Tsuna started to notice how all his friends were damaged by coming to the future, not him alone, he started to know that the world doesn't revolve around how lame or how much or a failure he is, the world contains his friends who aren't just friends, they are people with their own feelings and lives.

He started to notice people around him, how lambo isn't just an annoying brat, he just misses nana. How damaged Yamamoto would be about his dad's situation, how Gokudera isn't just an annoying scary friend - he is someone who was always rejected before meeting tsuna, etc. He blamed byakuran for it and not many people noticed that but his anger towards byakuran was built throughout the future arc. "If byakuran didn't do this, if byakuran didn't do that, Yamamoto could've played in the championship, Lal wouldn't be as hurt," etc. Uni's death was the final straw. "You destroyed our world..that's why..that's why Uni had to die! Byakuran..I..won't forgive you!" (Ep 202) he later on accepts byakuran bc uni and Yamamoto and everyone else did, he was only mad at him for what he did to his friends, he started to get to know how to be mad for people and fight for his friends, no matter what. He wasn't mad about the stuff HE faced bc of byakuran, he was just mad about the damage his friends faced, blaming himself for dragging them into the mafia madness.

Then comes the inheritance arc. Tsuna lost all his will after he knew why enma did everything, bc he knew he'd do the same. Tsuna determined to save enma till the very end, he even called out for deamon when he disappeared bc he knew all about the elena thing. Tsuna can never get mad at anyone when understanding their reason. He didn't hate mukuro anymore after knowing why he did crap, he couldn't hate Xanxus as much after he knew what happened to him with the ninth (but still was scared of him.) He hated byakuran bc byakuran had no valid reason in tsuna's opinion but accepted him bc everyone, Couldn't hate Enma after knowing what happened to him. Tsuna slowly started to gain the ability to understand and forgive.

All that happened bc of the daily life arc. The times he spent with his friends gave him the strength to save them in kokuyo arc, to win in the rings battle, to determine to go back to the past to spend more time with them again, to save all his friends from their misery/from being trapped in the vindicare, to Save the Arcobalenos.

Iemitsu was never there for Tsuna. In the beginning of the last arc Tsuna tried to avoid him as much as possible, when they first fought he got so uncomfortable that he slept at Yamamoto's.

'This bastard..he is the one who left me and mom alone!', "You were never there. What do you know!" Tsuna got mad for himself for the first time. He deserved a father, just like everyone else. Iemitsu acknowledged that but never did anything to change it, implied wheb tsuna ran out of the house bc his dad was there, nana tried to scold him and go after him but Iemitsu told her not to since he was at fault for going away for too long.

Tsuna made a whole meeting with all the people he was afraid of, people who he fought against just to save one of his dearest people, a thing tsuna before the future arc wouldn't have done.

In conclusion, Khr's ending was perfect. There are a lot of other details i haven't mentioned but this is getting a bit too long. The ending wasn't about tsuna becoming a mafia boss, it was about tsuna growing up and acknowledging people around him, fighting together, for eachother, to watch fireworks together in the end. Tsuna didn't change - he accepted and loved the version of himself, the no good tsuna. He accepted who he was and realized that him gaining powers won't make any difference bc he will only use them for protection, and things did change because unlike before, he had friends, people he could laugh with, people he could rely on, all of that because of that baby that knocked on their house one day wanting tsuna to be a mafia boss. Tsuna warmed up to everyone and accepted his family for who they were no matter what, annoying cow brat, an illegitimate child, a baseball star, etc.

Tsuna will never accept the role and he's still as lame as ever but at the end of the day, he grew up to learn to accept and love himself, learned how to be a good friend, a good sky.

Something I was thinking about lately is Tsuna's daddy issues. Specifically this frame.

Like that's such a loaded thing to think about. He's got so much resentment built up. Obviously, there's no direct connection to any of Tsuna's issues made but I think a few fun things can be said from this. In general, Tsuna clearly didn't have a father figure in his life which sorta results in him leaning on Reborn pretty often. Tsuna doesn't have a very stable self-esteem with him going from confident to "Aah, Gokuderas going to become disillusioned with me now that all my flaws have been pointed out." GOKUDERA. His FIRST SUBORDINATE. The guy who literally has been LOYAL FROM DAY ONE. Not that we consider them canon, but this happens also during the filler arcs where Daemon points out that Tsuna's not worth following to Gokudera and it seems to make Tsuna a little antsy. He DOES NOT THINK THE PEOPLE HE LOVES ARE GOING TO STAY WITH HIM, THIS IS LITERALLY RUINING MY LIFE. What Daddy Issues DO TO A MF. But that's a post for another day. But okay, back to Reborn, Reborn proves himself to be immovable from Tsuna's life. The story points out that Tsuna very much has two fathers. The one who won't leave and the one who is always gone. Tsuna really leans on Reborn throughout the series. "Reborn, what do I do?" Is a common thing he says, until Reborn is literally swept away from him against his will in Future arc where he's forced to think that he's half a person in Reborns absence. Meanwhile, we have Iemitsu who Tsuna has resentment built up towards, does not respect, and is forced to acknowledge in order to win his fight. Throughout the rainbow arc battle, they try to point out that Iemitsu is trying to teach Tsuna something here and unless I'm confused (someone feel free to tell me?) it's not really clear WHAT that is. And I've always thought that was neat, because it's obviously coming from Tsuna's inability to respect Iemitsu enough to want to learn anything from him. Yet when Reborn comes in, hell he doesn't even recognize him in his Adult form, but he politely listens and takes his advice seriously. In the grand scheme of the series, Reborn is a good teacher and father figure in his life. When Tsuna is made to feel like that he can't do anything in Reborn's absence during Future, Reborn takes a step back in that arc and lets him learn to survive without his guidance. (Notice how the training almost entirely disappears after Future.) He lets him learn how to be a person without him, only stepping in to help when Tsuna really needs it. When he's unable to light his flame, with Spanner, or when he's freaking out about the Irie reveal, the list really goes on. There's a scene I recall I believe when Yuni asks to join their group, Tsuna still turns to ask Reborn what to do, and Reborn redirects him by asking him what he wants to do. That it was his call as a boss. And Tsuna ends up making the decision to help her off his own accord.

It's with Reborn's guidance that Tsuna ends up learning to be his own person, it's this guidance that allows him to make the decision and gather everyone on his own accord when it was Reborn's turn to be shaky and give up. Where Tsuna tells him that he's got this under control, without his guidance. To just watch him. "you've always knew I could win before." It's this arc where Reborn's pride in Tsuna shines. Multiple times. "Surprise me again, Tsuna." And he does. It's in Reborn's second absence where Tsuna feels himself get shaky again, feels the old feelings of poor self image crop up, that Reborn comes back. Because Reborn is not Iemitsu, and he wasn't someone who left him in that house alone forever. Because he's still young and has much to learn before he's ready to do this on his own. It's at this he feels a little embarrassed about how glad he is that Reborn came back, but then recalls the "mean words" that Reborn said before leaving. It's here that Reborn tells him it's a good thing he hasn't changed much. Another sliver of guidance that Tsuna takes in from the figure in his life that won't leave him alone in that house.

[olokosomolo]

It was late August 2017 I was running nowhere to a place I knew where to get those 30mg oxycodone the blue pills, the one and only thing that overshadowed gold (same weight) 1000 times yes 50$ for 30 mg, gold only can dream to be at this price. While I'm outomatic drove myself to the the street, the same ally same same high price to pay. Hey I shouted, you know you are a true slave, yea you! I shouted to myself, you are a slave to your body. Wait me , to my body? Explain! Sure, your body no longer feels the buzz but must have at least 10 blue pills 30mg of oxycodone each day only so he gonna feel normal. Like 10 fucken blue pills just for a normative status. I lowered my head so my eyes could see my chest and said: wow I'm so ashamed, I didn't see it, I know, and I must adopt the main rule:

As I enjoyed the high, Now I must accept its low

otherwise I have no rights better a dead meat coward. At the next traffic light I did a u turn back home no more blues the new blues is my fight with the body that will cry, begg and he'll used anything to convince me to help him. First night I sweat ocean all the sheets ware wet like I peed from all my body the sheet was soaked wet. But I was proud to check √ on my first day.

I always find to do those serious think when the condition in my own house is unbearable. I remember that My ex girlfriend Ruby that was already with one of my cousins, at the time I hade no clue and she used to connect him live on some app and happiley he heared everything that happened in my house. And she was killing me toasted me. She never knew I never told her. ditoxin quietly. That was a challenge ditoxin pills, and to deal with her my ex girlfriend that already was taken and now it's her grand finale pm me, my 9 yards. I remember that in some point I couldn't take her shitt, broke a wine glass and stuck it in my neck she quickly jumped and took it away leaving all bloody fingers. I was the cold turkey, and it was horrible. But even this storm ended and I managed to mark my second √ for the second day. Guys it's day by day with no way back. Dealing with all the daily stuff I managed to walk myself, infact I remember that the only energy to do anything came from my soul that was the only to move my body around, move a limbody. Another day has passed √ and another √ day by day I mark a new record for me myself and eye soul me me fa real real, God real me fa soul soul soul it was my daily poem to the one solely lee oh August 2023 mark six years mfs I'm proud of my self I know my power my will its hard to do anything with such group of gangster that give me not even a moment of privacy but I always optimistic. I took my time to learn more on my two croxs cousins and koby and mamba-ba. End you the Mara-tone finished line will open a new entry to places I had almost forgotten. No worries it's a matter of routine to the noodles to remove the bloody dust from where I used to remember and I will quickly will forget I ever forgot. And the goat will go at the barns to lay rest and bee bee bee beeless you all beeas with beenothing less bee then happiness

This record the second day of my ditoxin few after I broke the wine glass

[artlifeartblog]

Page 2

3 days ago when he came home the most drunk I have ever seen him. And heard him. He came at 3 am slamming the door as he walked in the house. I woke up scared. I knew from hearing him talking to himself that he was blasted. I was ready for what I saw when he walked in the room, slamming the door behind him, butt naked as he talked to himself about some injustice that must have occurred during his drinking at the bar. I attempted to make myself as quiet as possible. He opened the bathroom door and once inside I heard 7 straight loud bangs. I got up and as I walked to the bathroom door I heard the loudest bang yet followed with him saying “fucking toilet” as water began to poor from under the door and the pipe that runs above the steps that lead to our front door also began to spill toilet water down the onto our steps. I asked him if he was okay and what happened. Why did I even ask or try? Well every good deed right? He told me he locked himself in and had to break the toilet because he couldn’t get out. After I said that whatever is happening to him that breaking the toilet is not the solution, amazingly the door opened and he began to blame me for not caring about his day enough to ask him why he was mad. For not asking if he needed help in the bathroom. You know, straight drunk none sense that only drunk people say when they are all in their feelings and are not mature enough to discuss their issues during normal hours of the day. Because being drunk is not a problem at all and it’s actually the fault of the person sleeping. I took pictures of the toilet and recorded him because to me it was clearly the most drunk he has ever been and the most dangerous I have ever felt. Because he broke the toilet we had to piss in our shower while shittting in plastic bags. For nearly 2 weeks we both had to poop in bags and wipe our asses with paper that was then placed in the bag, tied up, and then walked out the trash bin. Not once did he apologize. For anything. Well that leads us to today. I spent the last 36 hours cleaning a mess of a home, doing all our laundry at my sisters and cleaning his car aswell while obtaining the tools required to remove the broken part of the toilet so I could then replace it with a tank I just so happened to find. Well while folding the clothes I washed for him he made a comment about how he couldn’t wait for the toilet to be fixed because if it wasn’t for him we wouldn’t be shitting in bags for the last days. I looked at that as the closest I was going to get to genuine apology and internally told myself to accept it while externally communicating to him that I appreciate him saying that and he almost said he was sorry. Well how dare I say that he ALMOST say he was sorry? A new argument was born. This one lasted about 45 minutes. But it ended with him now claiming that 3 months ago when we fought I had a knife. And he felt like his life was threatened. Shock is not a word good enough to express to you just how betrayed I felt by him at that moment because he and I both knew that he was lying. I entertained the lie and demanded to know if he felt threatened then where was this knife. He said he saw it after I slapped him now FOUR TIMES. I asked him; four slaps and no punches? Stuttering he said after the slaps I punched him. But what about the knife I said. He said he didn’t know exactly where it was but that after he punched me it dropped. “So when it dropped why didn’t u go for the knife” I asked. Again stuttering and clearly just making shit up he said he was too afraid of me to grab it that’s why he had to get on top of me and began the beating. “If you feared for your life, why not run into the room after u punched me and I fell?” I asked. His answer: “the door won’t lock” So rather than create space or reach for the now on the floor knife I asked him if someone who is in fear for their life would rengage the person whom they fear to beat them? His answer was yes. So I said then why did u stop hitting me after I begged u to stop? Why not continue until I was knocked out? Or atleast… page 2

[thegodthief]

Old Lammas 2022: Keri Has A Jar

Having seen all of y'all Old Lammas 2022 posts, I feel like Netherworld Post's teeny bat holding up a tiny skull in offering to the grand and enormous moon. "I hope this is enough. I hope I am enough."

So the call went out and the theme was honey, local preferred. How serendipitous then, than I received an offer for quality honey drawn from bee colonies local to my state and even some from my area! A bit pricey, but the company has proven their quality time and time again, and hey, it's for something special, so why not?

I figured I was going to be in for a ride when the honey shipped with a target date of 10 business days for arrival but it arrived on Day 3.

Yay! I have honey! Now what?

Hmm. No. Really. Now what? This is a Christian holiday after all, and I'm still working through some baggage from my experiences. Is this even a holiday I can jump into?

It's no secret that I've been siting with Christian elements again. Heh, that's a polite way to say I've been pushing my luck with certain folks from the Christian pantheon. (I'mma blame Saint Cyprian cuz he's smug af about it.) But I always worry about taking things too far.

(The fact that I exist is a step too far, but this is not the venue for that villain origin story monologue.)

So I did as some Christians are wont to do, and laid it at the feet of the Virgin Mary [VM]. I know how easy it is for me to get caught up in having the Perfect™ preparations which means having the Perfect™ material which means doing everything Perfectly Right And Good™ which we all know is impossible is this universe if not all possible others.

It was VM's prodding that made me pay attention to graveyarddirt's Lammas posts in the first place. And VM's (warm and generous) approval of the honey as acceptable even though it was purchased and jacque shitte was gathered by me. And VM's (soft and merciful) patience pointing out that there was a seat at that metaphorical table for abused and feral creatures like me. So... okay.

I have honey.

That honey was not cheap.

I am not spending another dime on this, [Mother]. If this is so important that I am compelled to participate one way or another, then reveal to me how I'm supposed to join in without wrecking my budget yet again.

That was Monday prior to Old Lammas weekend.

Tuesday, a coworker showed me flyers from a local craft fair with wheat woven corn dollies. "Isn't this neat! They're having a workshop where you can make your own! I'm sure you could do better like the over achiever you are!" I declined.

Wednesday, the restaurant near where I work ran out of honey for a special later in the week and lamented that there wasn't any at hand good enough to use. "All I need is just one cup of good artisan honey! I can stretch that flavor across the entire batch but there's nothing in the stores here and I can't justify the cost of shipping! Hey, you're good at finding last second things! You wouldn't happen to have some artisan honey at home that I can buy off you, would you?" Sorry, no, everything I have is spoken for, but have you considered a run to [specific store 60 min drive away] that I know stocks artisan varieties in pint bottles? (They immediately went out to that store and came back with a dozen bottles for less than the cost of two plus shipping.)

Thursday, I started to despair. I needed to have something ready by Friday evening, and all I have is a pint of precious honey. For whatever reason that still escapes me, I felt that I needed three things for Old Lammas weekend. Honey, plus two others. I had a pint mason jar in my cabinet already clean and set aside. But I had no idea what to do next. I made peace with the idea that I was chasing someone else's ideals again and declared that if Old Lammas arrived with nothing for me to do for it, that I would sell off the honey and never bother with the Virgin Mary again.

Thursday night, I couldn't sleep. I went to the kitchen and took stock of everything in the cabinets. By this time, I had seen so many Old Lammas preparation posts and I was very disheartened to see so many pretty tables and clothes and arrangements and I know better than to compare myself with them, but... fuck.

I am an insignificant bat in the middle of a shadow-smothered night. A scarred mongrel at the back gate. There is nothing here of worth to see, or to show.

Eventually, I did fall asleep. And because I was so exhausted, I dreamt of sleeping deeper still! I remember I was lying on an old cloak that had been softened by time and wear. It was comfortable to rest against. No bedding of thousand-thread cotton sheets would ever be as comfortable as this old cloth that smelled of soothing comfort. The scent even had a color to it: Blue.

Wait.

I opened my eyes and looked at the cloth I was lying on. Marian Blue.

Behind me, half covered by the cloth I was lying on, was a thick shrub in full bloom. Now that I was "awake", I realized the exposed flowers were covered by bees going to and fro. Half of the shade on me was from the shrub and half was from the cloud of bees busy at work. Their hum reminded me of the absent-minded humming of a mother rocking her child.

The wind shifted and instead of blowing away my discomfort, it now drew the scent of the shrub over me. Rosemary. I was snuggled up against a hedge of rosemary.

There was no one to be seen. Blowing dust raced around the sheltering hedge obscuring any sight of what lay beyond. But here, in this pocket of calm, I was safe under the rosemary and the bees. I resolved to untangle the symbolism when I fully woke up, and placed myself in the care of the old cloak, falling into a deeper sleep.

Friday morning, Old Lammas Eve, I'm driving to work and pondering the symbolism that I had literally slept through. That the bees were a reference to honey was blatant. The cloak was her cloak, but why was it snuggled under a hedge of rosemary? Oh, duh, what is it called again? The Rose of Mary! That's her herb! And I do have dried rosemary in the kitchen... but what else? I need three things and I only have two.

"Medicine."

I heard the word between my ears but no voice spoke it. I demanded an explanation but none was given. I continued the commute to work in silence, pondering what the hell could be in my pantry that could fit the category of medicine?

Honey is a carrier and a preservative (of sorts, don't sic any agencies on me, this is not medical advice you pedantic nerds) while rosemary is a blessing and a curative. My stock of individual spices is as thin as the time I have available for cooking.

At work, just as the despair begins to set in again, a conversation with a foodie coworker turns to flavoring honey jars. I express my concern about "an experimental jar" using dried herbs steeped in honey and how to balance flavors in it.

"Oh! Are you making a Medicine Jar?" I could hear the capitals as they asked. "My grandma made one every summer so it would be ready in the winter for flu season! She would take raw honey, and put dried ginger and rosemary and mint in it to steep for months! And come winter, all the dried stuff would be soft enough to chew on if you had to, though the honey would have all the flavor, and she would put a spoon of honey in a cup of hot water or tea. And let me tell you, that ginger taste! If the taste alone didn't cure you then the honey would at least make your throat feel better! She didn't always have dried mint, but she always had ginger one way or the other."

Ginger.

I have that.

I have a BIG bag of dried ginger. Probably a lifetime supply as potent as those pieces are.

The rest of the work day came and went as I considered how I use ginger already. I have a big bag of candied ginger that I use for general upset stomach and to chew on because it's yummy. I snap off pieces of dried ginger to put in my tea in the winter as a general cold medicine and because I like the taste of it. It's something that has been in plain sight all this time and was overlooked because of how common it is to me.

Okay. I have three things to put into the jar: Honey, rosemary, and ginger.

Don't ask me why I waited for sunset before beginning the actual work of putting everything together. It just felt right to wait for darkness to catch up outside. That's what happens when you're so used to being alone, I suppose. But wait I did.

Nothing fancy about what happened next, to be honest. I took pictures each step of the way, but now that I'm sitting here (two weeks later) and looking over them choosing what to post and what to leave out, I don't have anything to show off.

But, here, have some progress pics anyway. Such as this one of a pint mason jar with a whole bunch of shredded (as best as one can shred dried ginger anyway) dried ginger pieces inside and one piece that I was compelled to set aside and not break up.

I didn't measure shitte. It was all a matter of feelings, fears, compulsions, and restraints. I tore apart dried ginger for the jar until it felt right to stop.

And then I started shaking out the dried rosemary on top of that.

Again, I didn't measure anything. I just kept going until it felt right to stop.

And then, the honey. Twelve ounces of it, to answer a question that no one asked.

Throughout all of this, I was praying. I had started the endeavor with Pater Noster, Ave Maria, and Gloria Patri after assembling the containers but before opening any jars for actual use. From then to this point, it was a continual muttering stream of appeals to the Virgin Mary that I was actually doing something useful and not just religious theater. That this Medicinal Jar would be a salve not only to my throat later in the year, but to my spirit that was feeling everything except spiritual.

Feeling inadequate is a bitch, ya know, and seeing so many people having their shit put together enough that they didn't have to wait to receive their blessing chapped my ass. It seems I'm always playing catch-up, I'm always last to know and last to do. I'm always one foot at the back gate, ready to run away before I'm thrown out.

And all these feelings came out in assembling this jar. But with it, came a soothing solace. That some wounds take time to heal, and some medicines take time to create, and while that I don't have a house or a nación or a community to belong to, I am still Myself foremost and always.

And I am loved.

Even when I don't understand it.

Especially when I don't understand it.

It look longer to get the pictures together than it did to assemble everything. The only thing left to do that Friday night, was to offer a prayer from José Leitão's translation of the Precious Apothecary. Specifically, the blessing of new fruit (pg 311) because of the honey and how it was collected.

And so I did.

The jar immediately went to sit at a certain spot where it was prayed over and tumbled each night until Sunday. That Sunday, it was opened and stirred while praying the Rosary. The rosemary had already softened but the ginger was being very resistant to any change. The honey had hints of rosemary and ginger in the taste, but it was clear to me that this jar had a long way to go before being ready for anything other than show.

I suppose there is a life lesson there, but I'll be damned if I see it. (Pun possibly intended.)

There will be no new pictures of the jar. Once the jar was seated in its spot, it became Precious™.

I have the feeling that while I may open the jar to give it a good stirring from time to time, it is not ready as Medicine™ until some point in December. As I know almost nothing of Catholic Holidays and/or Liturgy (I'm one of those depraved magicians, remember), I'm just going to have to keep an eye on the calendars of others and note which ones ring a bell for me.

I apologize that for all my words that I have so little to show. I know some that would say that the fact that I showed up is important in itself, and on the one hand, I would agree with them. But on the other hand, the night is so large and dark and I am so small and pitiful.

I hope it is enough.

I hope I am enough.

[messy-nonbinary]

Little Girl in Training

Chapter 5 - Now Do You See How Much You Need Mommy?

TW: Dark!Natasha, psychological torture, forced age regression, hallucinations, forced isolation, some fucked up shitt

Paring: Dark!Natasha x fem!reader

Summary: You said some things you’re starting to regret. Natasha has to show you how much she’s actually needed.(I’m so sorry everyone!!)

a/n- If it feels like things are moving fast/are all over the place, that’s the point. The stuff that happens to the reader is causing mental trauma and is affecting her abilities to focus, remember, and think clearly.

MASTERLIST | SERIES MASTERLIST

..Maybe you could find some kind of life here...

Were ever so wrong in your life? How could you let yourself slip like that? Thinking that maybe you could accept your forcefully dealt hand?

An idiot.

That’s what you were calling yourself right now. Stuck in this dark room, uncertain when you’d be let out. Of course, you had to be an idiot and get in trouble.

What happened to not poking the bear? You asked yourself. You looked down at your hands, bloodied from banging on the metal door for so long.

You got in trouble and Natasha had locked you in a room, in complete silence and darkness.

“What did you just say to me, little girl?” Natasha asked, face twitching slightly. You had some random spark of rebellion in you. You had to do something to remind yourself that what she was doing was in no way right.

“I said that I don’t need you. I can feed myself, bathe myself, and dress myself just fine.” You said, only slightly regretting what you said when she stood without a word. Only taking you out of the highchair while you flailed and kicked against her. She took you down some stairs and into a room you had never been to before.

She slammed you against the cold floor, causing you to yelp in pain. She tore off your clothes, leaving you in nothing but your pull-up as you cried out. “Let’s see how much you ‘don’t need me’ when I decided to let you out.” She said, slamming and locking the metal door behind her.

“Please!! Let me out! I’ll be good! I promise!” You yelled but received no response. You banged and banged on the door, crying and yelling for her to let you out. But still, there was no answer.

You had no idea how long you’ve been in this room. It could’ve been days, weeks, or only a few hours. You were losing track of time just as quickly as you were losing yourself. You felt around the room, noting that there was nothing in it but a torn towel on the floor.

It didn’t take long for your thoughts to scramble up. You weren’t able to think properly and you were starting to hear and see things that weren’t actually there.

The shadows and monsters yelled at you, making sure you knew how fucking stupid you were. Talking to yourself was something you started doing. It was the only thing that was distracting you from the shadows surrounding you.

That’s when you began getting responses to the questions you asked aloud, ones you didn’t give. They came from one of the shadows. And before you knew it, you had made a shadow friend, who you named Lex. They looked different from the others. They had more distinct facial features, which helped you distinguish from the others.

Even if you had befriended one of them, that didn’t stop the other shadows from abusing you with their words.

You wrapped the towel around you the best way possible as all the shadows got closer, surrounding you. “Stop! Please!” You were screaming at them to leave you alone. 

You had your arms wrapped around your legs with your face hidden in your knees when you felt a pair of warm arms wrap around you, picking you up. You flinched, trying to get away from them, thinking it was one of the shadows. “Mommy’s here. I’ve got you.” You heard Natasha’s voice and immediately wrapped your arms around her neck, and hid your face in her neck. “‘M sorry Mommy! I- I’ll be good! Promise!”

The isolation made it harder for you to process your thoughts, and in turn, your words. You hadn’t even realized you said it till Natasha spoke again. “I know, Lovebug. Mommy is so sorry she left you down there for so long. But you had to learn your lesson.” She said, carrying you back upstairs and to your bedroom.

She sat on the recliner in there and rocked you back and forth for a second, letting you calm down, before picking up your bottle and placing it in your mouth. Without even thinking, not that you could do much, you drank the warm liquid almost instantly. You hadn’t even realized how thirsty you had become while down there.

“You did so well for me down there. Mommy is so proud of you.” Natasha said as your eyes began to close and you fell asleep. You weren’t sure of much anymore. But one thing was certain: You were never going back there again.

----------

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@apollonshootafar

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[effymefy]

every night i feel so lonely. whenever someone need i’ll be there no matter what the time is, but when i feel down, sad and lonely and i need someone to talk to theres nobody as fast as i am to reply. it does feel lonely and sad sometimes. whats the point of being “well known” and have lot of friends when non of them are there for me when i feel like im at the lowest. im lying to myself. i force myself to be okay. im actually not okay. im actually in pain deep inside my heart making the scars of my own. i shouldnt have care anymore. i dont miss her but it hurts so much to know ive been replaced so damn fucking fast. its been like what ? 4 weeks and she already have someone new as her SO ? im that worthless that im not worth to move on from ? im not suck as a partner that my love just being replaced like that ? when u said no i would be single cause u got tired and cant commit and yet u accept some guy and what worst is its someone u called and say bestfriend to my face. reason is u accept cause he didnt give up having feelings for u for 4 years? u literally make him as your rebound cause deep inside u know u cant be alone . but i shouldt have feel bitter about it cause probably thats what your coping mechanism are like. u hide your stories from me cause u aint ready telling me yet but i knew about it already. whats the point of u hiding it again from me when i sitll knew ? hiding things make it worst honestly and u never learn from your mistakes and keep making it again. u sure are not that matured enough to deal with this kind of situation. i might be over reacting but know my place of feeling shit that ive easily replaced just like that. should have listen to my head and my mom. fyi mom never like u anyway cause she can feel u aint right for me and here your actions speaks louder. so kids, trust your mom instinct and advice cause believe me its going to come true. oh everytime i had a nightmare something bad gonna happen. it did happen. twice. sucks right ? waiting for the day of your pain might come cause u knew that worst will come based on the hint given in your dream. God really love me that He show me signs. i have to let things go but its really hard for me to forgive your mistakes hiding things from me. u know them well how my past happened and u did those shit anyway. fuck u for that. anyway i saw your new picture with him and u look happy. eventho youre with him but deep inside i feel calm looking at you seeing u look happy. eventho its not me who make you feeling that way. reason why i ended the relationship/friendship we had cause i know things gonna become toxic and i cant deal with it professionally. its better we become stranger where its easier for me to forget about u and not care about your shit anymore. hope this rant helps me with what i wanna say in my heart and in my mind. this is the only safe place without people knowing my stories and judging me. the only place i can write and vent things out. fuck this is so sad. im the most happiest and happy go lucky person and people destroy me. screw u shitt. night

[meibemeibelline]

vongola-shimon parallels and contrasts: another midnight rambling

i was inspired by this comparison of the vongola and shimon kids and i wanted to try my own :)

Tsuna & Enma: kind-hearted boys who are awkward and clumsy and love and cherish their friends above ALL ELSE. but Enma tragically lost his family and was surrounded by the idea of vengeance and as a result, takes his position as Shimon boss more seriously and is more willing to take up the responsibility because he and his family are bonded by shared loss and trauma. Tsuna, on the other hand, is fully bent on running away from it because it scares him and he wants to be a normal kid. in terms of personality i think Enma is a little bit more of a pushover and has a willingness to help strangers while Tsuna can be snappy, has the world’s sharpest bullshit detector, and especially early on, wanted to avoid everyone and everything that was the least bit sus.

Gokudera & Shitt P: complete opposites in terms of self-love* and love for others. a huge part of Gokudera’s character development is learning to be an actual friend (as opposed to a mafioso) and to VALUE his own life as a friend to others and as a person who is allowed to live a happy life surrounded by people he loves. Shitt P on the other hand already loves herself above everyone else, while her relationships with others are secondary. The reasons she lost to Gokudera was bc she underestimated 1) his loyalty to Tsuna and 2) his drive to improve himself (out of self-criticism, contrasting with Shitt P’s self-love that may have made her stagnant and complacent with her current state). She assumed she knew him better than he knew himself.

HOWEVER, what they do share is a past of being rejected by others. It seems that Gokudera responded to rejection by continuously trying to find people to swear loyalty to and follow (all the while devaluing himself and considering himself a tool, being reckless, etc), while Shitt P was basically like “fuck all of em. i only need me”.

*self-love as written about by Amano in their fight refers to whether you can look at yourself from the outside and make an evaluation that you like yourself. that you love your body, that you are smart, confident, strong, etc. i say this because even though Gokudera’s thing is that he ‘doesn’t like himself’ (i.e doesn’t consider himself very strong or smart, which allowed him to see what more he has to improve on), i personally see his character arc as one of self-love in terms of taking care of yourself and valuing your life, but it’s different from what Shitt P considers self-love. Gokudera’s self-love is never explicitly called ‘self-love’, even if it is self-love.

(it got long so i’m putting the rest under a read more)

Yamamoto and Kaoru: What they share is a total acceptance of when they need to use violence. We know Kaoru really, really liked Yamamoto - he openly sobbed as he apologised for hurting him once he found out Daemon had manipulated them, meaning that he never really wanted to hurt him at all. But when it had happened, he very quickly put his personal feelings aside for the sake of the Shimon Family’s mission. And it was in a very, VERY similar way that Yamamoto decided he needed to kill Daemon Spade when he learned what exactly he’d done to the Shimon Family throughout history, when in Choice Arc he literally had a speech about how there was no need to kill anyone (specifically Genkishi) - they were just trying to win the game and go home. Like, the boy has (relative) morals and doesn’t WANT to kill when he doesn’t have to (but will have 0 qualms about it if he does).

Where they differ, of course, is that Yamamoto is confident, outgoing and approachable while Kaoru is very intimidating on the outside but a huge shy softie on the inside. What I loved about Kaoru’s chapter before the ceremony was how he brought out Yamamoto’s nurturing sensitivities. SUPER CUTE.

Ryohei and Koyou: They’re both dumbass boxers. Okay now that we’ve gotten that out of the way WHEEZE (i’m kidding) Koyou is a self-aware and snarky dumbass while Ryohei is a “dive head first into chaos, worry about consequences later” pure-hearted dumbass. And again, that may be from the violence Koyou had to live through as an orphan with a bunch of other orphans. They both love fighting and taking out their shit through sport, and pride themselves on boxing for their families. Honestly, maybe it’s because it’s like 1am but I can’t think of any other differences between them but that’s exactly why they understand each other so well AND why they butt heads so much - THERE’S ONLY ENOUGH ROOM FOR ONE DUMBASS IN THIS ROOM.

Lambo and Rauji: Also opposites. (Child) Lambo on the outside is very domineering and loud, always declaring himself king and that he’s gonna kill Reborn and is running around messing with people. On the inside, he’s...literally just a child. He cries when he trips and when he is ignored. He probably tries to compensate for that inner weakness with his behaviour by demanding attention and being loud tbh. Because of that, his teen self is much more CHILL, and perhaps a little self-deprecating because he’s accepting that yeah, he cries a lot and hates getting hurt and is a bit weak and he’s fine with that bc who can blame him, really. Fighting is hard. Rauji on the other hand seems like a pushover and is willing to be Lambo’s servant and play all his games (even at 3am bc of Lambo’s misunderstanding), but is actually very confident and prideful of his strength - he just doesn’t feel the need to show it to other people all the time. He’s a bit like Shitt P in that way - accepting of himself and doesn’t need other people’s approval, unlike Lambo. But they both seem to be children at heart who love to play.

Hibari and Adelheid: Their similarities are that they are strong leaders who value order and discipline, and are willing to achieve their goals by instilling fear and using physical violence. Adel seems to do it more out of necessity, while Hibari just...loves power (yes I know it’s about his love for the town). SPEAKING OF LOVE, Adel does what she does out of love for the Shimon, while Hibari is motivated by his love for Namimori. Because Adel’s core motivation is a family and not a place, she is the heart of Shimon (Daemon’s words) that brought everyone together and leads them through battle. She has very strong connections with everyone while Hibari’s whole thing is that he’s aloof and simply decides to help the family with a common goal whenever he wants, and is not ever completely tied to them as a guardian. Because Hibari is tied to Namimori and answers to no one, he acts completely out of self-interest, but Adel is thinking about what’s best for the whole of the Shimon Family.

Mukuro & Chrome and Julie & Daemon: THIS ONE’S A DOOZY BC WE DON’T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT JULIE EXCEPT THAT HE’S A FLIRT SO I’LL TALK ABOUT DAEMON INSTEAD AS THE ARC’S ANTAGONIST?? Daemon differs from Mukuro in that he seeks to dominate the mafia with a ruthless Vongola while Mukuro seeks to destroy the mafia. this meta post about Mukuro made EXCELLENT points about how he’s always been a guardian to the Kokuyo Gang and valued their free will even when he literally possesses their bodies and they are his ‘henchmen’. and that contrasts with Daemon in that Giotto, Shimon Cozart, Enma’s family and the 10th gen Shimon kids are all truly nothing but pawns to him. he does not protect them in any way or value their free-will, in the way he possesses and impersonates Julie (and later Mukuro’s), manipulates the entire 10th gen of Shimon kids, killed Enma’s family to set up his murderous revenge arc (and probably all their families tbh) and tried to kill Cozart because he made Giotto soft, ALL OF THAT for his own goal to build a violent and ruthless Vongola because he uhh misunderstood his gf’s last words (sorry Elena) and couldn’t grieve in a healthy way.

the summary of the Chrome-Daemon contrast is that Chrome isn’t a manipulative asshole. idk. her character arc is about growing into her own power to become more independent and building strong relationships with others as a child who was severely neglected. and the way Daemon treated her that whole arc was dehumanising to a completely new level and it was all because he wanted to get to Mukuro which, interestingly is the crux of both of their characters and arc - free will and independence, as a way of empowering yourself after you are dehumanised by others. i don’t have the time or brain cells to get into it rn but i will just....LEAVE THAT THERE. it just...ig CONTEXTUALISES some of Chrome decisions in curse of the rainbow arc a little more. but that’s more about how did Daemon as a villain impact Chrome’s character arc and her role in the plot than how Daemon and Chrome are similar/different.

i’m honestly not entirely sure about Chrome and Julie...all i can think of is that Chrome is very shy and finds social interactions quite difficult (but is more outspoken and confident post-future arc), while Daemon!Julie tries to flirt with her (and Julie himself likes to chat up and flirt with girls). Daemon!Julie tried to come off as laidback and uncaring about his responsibilities as a guardian, but Adel’s flashbacks reveal that deep-down he’s a sincere person who truly does care about everyone in his own way, and he is like Chrome in that sense. Chrome has always been a caring person (her entire backstory is that she almost died trying to save a stray cat) and has some very, very deep feelings for the people around her that she doesn’t always express.

Julie also seems like a rather crass person while Mukuro is not. Mukuro speaks vaguely and likes to play mind games. you know what they both ARE though? TEAM DAD. Julie scolded Skull for not eating the food Adel made for him while Mukuro is leader of Kokuyo Gang and adopts Fran...so...yeah.

[stag-bi]

what we do in the shadows spoilers uhhvfghgh

1. I REFUSE TO ACCEPT THAT END. I SIMPLY REFUSE IT. IT NEVER HAPPENED. HE'S FINE YALL. SHUT THE FUCK UPP

2. "i dont even wanna be a vampire anymore i just want to be with you" guillermo literally said the quiet part out loud

3. so like i get that guillermo has seen nandor naked and mid-coitus several times but the way hes acting DOES KINDA SEEM LIKE HES BEEN FUCKING NANDOR HIMSELF HUH. also guillermo being so defensive of nandors dick is fucking hilarious and amazing

4.

5. the meaningful look guillermo gives the camera when the vampire guy walks in proudly w his human gf. im freely and unabashedly reading into it

6. "we can be together again when i wake up" sounds so romantic lmao not my brain thinking theyre gonna pull a trick on us and we find out theyve been fucking this whole time in secret

7. nandor is so ridiculously attractive in this episode am i going insane?? he doesnt look that different idk what it is. but im like AWOOOOGA

8. IF COLIN ENDS UP ACTUALLY BEING DEAD IM GONNA FUCKING GO APE SHITT

9. glad they finally revealed why laszlo has been acting so off this season and i love the callback and continuity but at the same time i lowkey feel like weve been robbed of the regular flamboyant laszlo for an entire season 😔😔😔

10. i am experiencing several emotions and i am feeling unstable and now my autistic ass is gonna have to figure out what to do for the next 7 days huh

[yejixsm]

Yoongi: is that your hand on my ass?

Jeongguk: sorry, that was an accident

Yoongi: it's still on my ass, jeongguk

Jeongguk: it's still and accident..

---

Yoongi: ugh, I hate your stupid dreamy eyes and how your stupid cute dimples appear everytime you smile

Namjoon: sorry, what?

Seokjin: what's happening here?

Hoseok: yoongi is trying to accept the fact that he's in love with namjoon

---

Jeongguk: I want a Pegasus

Yoongi: be realistic please

Jeongguk: I want you

Yoongi: so where do we get a Pegasus?

---

Yoongi: taehyung looks really hot today!

Hoseok: don't be jealous hyung, you look good too!

Yoongi: I'm not being jealous, im being gay.

---

Yoongi: fuck me if I'm wro-

Seokjin: you're wrong

Yoongi: let me fini-

Seokjin: YOU ARE FUCKING WRONG!!

---

Yoongi: hey, why are there a lot of photos of me in your timeline?

Jeongguk, hiding his phone: you might have been mistaken

Sugamybae: TAE TAE HYUNG GUESS WHAT

Hobihobisunshine: what???

Sugamybae: YOONGI HYUNG ALMOST SAW THIS ACC-

Hobihobisunshine: HOLY SHITT WE GOTTA BE MORE CAREFUL

[myshyyangel]

I don't like 'love by Chance' for many reasons. from the script, to the direction, to the acting. But, when I finished the series, I was disappointed at some of the comments made by the actors themselves AND by the treatment Saint received.

It was more disappointing because these actors are not even gay or bisexuals, is like, they just use our community to make a profit of it.

The reason why we keep getting this crappy bl stories is because we keep supporting them, watching them, following the stars, and then, we are thrown some random bullsht of a story full of things that discriminate our community. And honestly i dont want no part of it.

Watching shows in which being homophobic seems "okay" and the "fem" guy is supposed to accept it just because you know, "trauma". So you mean to tell me that I BEEN GOING TO AN IDENTITY CRISIS, HAVING TO COME OUT AND THEN ADAPTING TO A NEW LIFESTYLE AFTER THAT IS NOT TRAUMATIC?

Weird. We are told to move on whenever any family member does not accept us, but we are supposed to accept a shitt--ss guy because he has traumas. Lol. Not happening, we seek for help. And im tired of bl writers for painting us as predators, that we steal women's boyfriends and sht.

that we are some sort of sexual awakening for straight men, nah. btch u was gay before I got here so... And females are painted as bad guys in every single show, and we hate them, and we even hate the actresses and it's not FAIR. I am tired of all these bllsht shows.

I just need y'all to stop supporting these shows that really throw our community under the bus. Thank you.

[theyarebothgunshot]

Okay okay I think I'm all caught up now

And holy shitt that's a lot okay wow

well first I saw the pride post last night and that just made me so happy I was afraid he wasn't gonna post anything

second I can't even process the fact that they lived together, so once I have, I'll get back to you

also, how're you tho? Like there's lots going on obviously but y'know outside of that?

-Bee Anon

Do you think they'll ever come out?

like right now that's not gonna happen with Jensen's career and how poly relationships aren't super accepted and all that but maybe in a few years?

I dunno maybe it's just a pipe dream

-Bee Anon

im glad you caught up!!

i honestly don't kow if they will ever come out, i think, like you said, if it is ever more accepted in society and in hollywood, then there is a chance. but i don't see that changing for the the better any time soon, unfortunatly.

[priyankaraa]

Sneaky Lovers||P.P

Summary: The reader and Peter are secretly dating. But they find it hard to keep their secret when Tony starts to get suspicious.

A/N: Hi. This is my first ever post. I hope you'll enjoy it.

Paring: Peter Parker × Female!Reader

Warnings:Swearing,fluff,light/implied smutt

WC:🤷‍♀️(I'm too lazy to count)

There you was, standing in your underwear in the middle of Peter's room in the avengers compound. Things were about to get heated when you heard a knock on the door that almost made you jump out of you skin. "Peter, you in there?" You were gonna jump out the window when you heard your father's voice.

Peter was enjoying watching you stripping for him. The way your black lace panty's hugged your ass. And how your matching black bra cupped you boobs. But he just sat on his bed shirtless and frozen when he heard Tony's voice. You had a worried look on your face and Tony continued to call out for Peter when you'll kept quiet. So you hid yourself in the bathroom. You grabbed all your clothes and ran in there like your life depended on it. Maybe it did, if your father found you you'd be dead.

You had your ear on the door, trying to listen to the them.

"I just came to remind you that you have training tomorrow morning with Steve. He wants to teach you how to throw his shield or something like that. Don't be late. " Tony caught a glimpse of his daughter's favourite scrunchie around Peter's wrist. You only had one to give to your boyfriend and your dad knew this.

"I won't Mr Stark." His voice was shaky and Tony could sense the nervousness. Instead he wished Peter Goodnight and left. You came out from the bathroom relieved that you'll didn't get caught.

"So, where were we." You said seductively, making Peter lick his lips and smile. You pressed a small kiss to his lips and went back to what got were doing. You removed your bra and panty and left Peter grabbed your waist and pulled you closer. Your naked body felt so good against his. He leaned in kissing you gently and then he deepened the kiss. Grabbing your ass and placing you on the bed. And we all know what happened next. You'll thought that you'll had gotten away with it. But you'll had no idea what was gonna happen next.

You woke up in Peter's shirt and to an empty bed. You'd figured that Peter left for training. He was trying so hard to impress you dad. You couldn't keep this relationship from him for long. Peter wanted Tony to accept him as his eldest daughters boyfriend. But Tony already figured out about the two of you. He was totally cool with it. He trusted Peter like his own son. But the was no way that he was gonna let the two of you have it easy.

Peter was working hard with Steve on the battle ground. Steve was teaching him how to properly block an enemies attacks and counteract them. Tony watched closely, inspecting Peter's every move. Ready to criticise him just so that his plan to impress your dad went in vain. But before your father could say anything, all eyes were on the elevator that dinged open. You stepped out and walked towards your father. Peter froze. He was taken back by your beauty. And Tony had noticed this.

"Hey pumpkin, what are you doing down here?" Tony said.

"I was getting bored sitting upstairs so I thought that I can watch you'll train." You just wanted to see Peter and your father knew this.

"Well get comfortable. Peter is getting his ass kicked by Steve. It's actually kinda funny." He said with a small chuckle.

It was true though. Peter was doing terrible. He tried hard to not get his butt whipped but somehow he failed. At the end of the training session, Peter was tired and he just wanted to take a hot shower with you. You both left and went to Peter's room.

He went into the bathroom and dragged you along with him. He took off his clothes until he was standing naked in front of you. "Wanna join me?" He asked you with a small smirk.

"I just had a shower babe." You tried letting him down easily but he wouldn't back down. He was persistent.

"Please love. I promise after this we can do whatever you want to do. I'll spend the entire day with you." He knew how to get what he wants but you're no fool. But you were gonna play along because you got what you wanted at the end of day.

"Fine, Parker but only cos I love you." You said sweetly. You know how to get what you want too.

As you got into the shower with Peter, your father was just getting ready to mess with you. He knew that you would probably be in the shower with Peter having sex. And boy was he right. It started out as a make out session and ended up in full blown sex. Soon the only things that could be heard was the sound of the shower and your combined moans.

Peter didn't lock his door room thus letting Tony into the room. At least he locked the bathroom door. But Tony was standing outside the bathroom door and he heard the moans. He put two and two together and figured out that you'll were having sex.

He knocked on the door." Hey kid, everything alright in there. You don't sound too good." Tony had to hold back his giggles. He heard you say"oh shitt" and he almost burst out laughing. Everything went silent until Peter spoke.

"Everything's good Mr Stark. Don't worry about it." Peter was not convincing at all.

"You sure? It's sounds like you're nailing someone in there." He pushed further hoping that Peter should crack but he wouldn't, not when you're naked and next to him.

"What? That's ridiculous. I'm just masturbating." You wanted to slap Peter. His excuse was worse. How is he supposed to impress Tony when he's 'masturbating in the shower'. For a nerd Peter was pretty dumb.

But that was just the first incident. The second one was easy weirder. It was at breakfast. Peter had just gotten back from an all night mission. He was sitting next to you at breakfast and he couldn't keep his hands to himself.

His hand started off on your thigh. It moved higher until the only thing between his finger and your clit was you panty. He rubbed his finger on the material for a while until he pushed your panty to the side and shoved his fingers in. You were biting your tongue trying to hold back your moans. And ofcourse your father noticed this so he started taking to you and asking you questions.

Peter made you cum under the table and you tried so hard to hold back your moans. After you released all over his fingers he lifted it to his mouth and licked them. You're father knew exactly what happened and he was amazed when Peter licked his fingers. You gave a sigh of relief when Peter pulled out. You were also very upset at him.

You couldn't take it anymore. Everytime you and Peter were gonna get intimate your father showed up making you and Peter freak out. You were gonna tell you're father about everything. So the whole day you were being super nice to everyone and that evening you told your father.

You waited until you were alone with your dad to break the news to him, sincing the rest of the team would start making it weird. You didn't want them freaking out your dad cos then he would probably ban you and Peter from ever looking at each other let alone dating. So private was the best option.

"Hey daddy. There's something that I need to tell you." He just nodded in response and you started. "Peter and I are dating and we have been for a while. I was scared to tell because that you would very upset and stop us from even looking at each other." You stopped when Tony burst out laughing. Like, what the hell. Why the hek is he laughing.

"Honey, I known for a while. I've been messing with you. It was fun." Your father had been playing you. You wanted to start crying. You were mixed emotions right now, words couldn't explain how you were feeling. One part you were relieved and the next you were hurt that your dad messed with you like that.

"Listen kiddo. I'm totally fine with you and spider boy. Just don't do anything that I would do and dont do anything that I wouldn't do." You just looked at him. Like is he fucking serious. If he was okay then why did he mess around and scare the shit out of you. And on top of it all you were confused.

"Wait, so you're not upset?" You questioned.

"I'm just disappointed that I had to find out on my own but if I had to choose someone it would be Peter." He gave you smile and pulled thinly in for a hug. Wait a minute. How did he know? "How did you find out?" Now you had to know.

"When I went to Peter's room to remind him about training,I noticed that he was using the scrunchie that you were gonna give to your boyfriend. So I put two and two together." Peter that dumbass. "I told him not to use my scrunchie but noooo he had to show everyone that he belonged to me." Tony let out a small laugh before sending you off to your room.

Wow! That went better than expected.

[antoine-triplett]

The way they handle relationships on Shitt’s Creek makes me SO HAPPY. ALL OF THEM! Even Roland and Jocelyn.

In this essay I will...

DAVID AND PATRICK! It’s so nice and refreshing to see a overall positive take on someone coming out. The angst mostly comes from relationship milestones like being nervous on a first date or trying to find privacy together when you’re busy adults instead of just their sexual orientation. Patrick describes him realizing he’s gay like a “weight being lifted” and finally “feeling right” and his parents are immediately supportive and lovely. He talks about feeling comfortable with David’s family. It’s just a positive, supportive relationship from day one. Once he realizes his feelings, he goes full-tilt for it.

STEVIE! MY GIRL STEVIE! Here’s a modern woman that we can all relate to - a little lost, often horny, very sarcastic. I just love her and the way she’s portrayed as someone who, while preferring her own company, has friends and boyfriends. She’s not your stereotypical small-town “goth girl”. She’s not afraid to admit that some nights she just wants to get it and that’s totally cool. Sex doesn’t always have to be a big deal as long as everyone is on board. Sex also doesn’t ultimately have much impact on her relationship with David which I was super happy about. Other things are more important - like trust and friendship. As with Alexis, she has so much awesome personal development outside of her romantic life. Even moments of romantic strife for Stevie are done well, like the episode with the Hospies where Emir turns out to be a d-bag but Johnny is so supportive. It highlights the fact that she has a family now. She’s not alone. They managed to turn a sad moment into a nice one and the final scene between she and Moira where she gets the script for Cabaret is the perfect cherry on top. As Moira says, in the end it’s “his loss”. You end the episode feeling like Stevie is starting something new and exciting instead of being depressed over having been dumped. A fresh take that we all need in our lives!

ALEXIS AND TED! Alexis’ journey with Ted has been slow burn at its best. What they have now NEVER would have happened in season 1. They gave them time to grow as friends and cultivate the non-physical side of their relationship while developing Alexis’ professional and personal life. It’s clear that the attraction is still there when she starts working for him, but Ted is there for her as a friend and they are arguably even closer than when they were first dating. When they were first together, they didn’t quite get each other. Ted put Alexis on a pedestal and she didn’t take him or his feelings seriously. They never listened to each other. Although Alexis was technically the one that ended it, they both contributed to the end. Alexis was clearly in no place to get married and had Ted not proposed (right after she told him she was leaving without him which probably should have given him pause?) they might have stayed together.

But I’m so happy they didn’t. Some of my favourite moments in their relationship and for their characters are from when they weren’t dating. The scene where they show up at Mutt’s barn and have that insanely awkward encounter with him and his GF? Basically the epitome of “we’re not together but we’re really bad a it”. I love nothing more than a couple judging people together and their reactions to the “pinecone harvest” is my favourite thing. Or her being comfortable enough to ask her his help with the lice? Or her pure joy at him showing up to her grad? Or them going to David’s store opening together like an old married couple (once again proving that they fail at not being in a relationship). So many winning ship moments.

Even when they kiss after Alexis finds out that she passed high school, that spark they keep ignoring peeks out for a moment and it would be so easy for them to get back together, but Ted isn’t ready yet and he’s honest about it. Alexis is completely understanding and their friendship stays strong, allowing them to continue building the foundation that leads to their MUCH healthier relationship in season 5. Now they acknowledge and accept each other’s shortcoming now and are patient with one another. They are close friends and not just two attractive people with chemistry. They really know each other.

The ep is season 5 where they decide to go to the Galapagos shows how far they’ve come and I’m so proud. Originally Ted dances around what he wants to ask and it backfires, not unlike some of their fights in season 1 (Ted not being direct and Alexis being self-absorbed), but this time they come back together and talk it through. Also, bonus points for her saying that the trip is equally about doing something for Ted and doing something for herself. It’s not just about his job, she’s prepared to do some “Eat, Pray, Love” self-reflection.

Them getting back together also says a lot about how Alexis sees herself. She admits in Singles Week that part of the reason she didn’t give him a chance in season 1 is because he was “too nice”. She self-sabotaged with Mutt because she didn’t feel like she deserved the “perfect boyfriend” (and because she understandably wasn’t ready to commit, of course). Now she has grown and is proud of all that’s she’s accomplished personally and she feels like she deserves to be loved by the person she really wants. It’s so nice!

NOT TO MENTION ALL THE “FOUND FAMILY” ACTION IN THE SHOW WHICH IS MY ABSOLUTE FAVOURITE ALWAYS.

ITS ALL SO NICE.

WATCH IT.

[singaporeluststoriescollection]

The Wedding Banquet Benefactor (Part 4)

“come I guide you…” …... I tried not to make a sound…. he connected his penis to my butt! his face as now beside mine, whispering to me on what I should do… he smelled my hair… “your cheongsam is too tight la. I better unzip it slightly for you…”

 I felt calm and relaxed... the alcohol really did help... I would be very nervous if not for it, but I guess my idea of a simple and regular wedding and then a normal marriage was just a hopeless dream...

 he slowlyyyyy unzipped the back of my cheongsam down…... then he stopped, at the area above where the bra hook will be… that’s it? I thought he would do a lot worse… I really don’t care anymore… what more could I do... there’s no going back anymore... I can’t afford it... my family can’t afford it either...

 “try again...”

 I bent forward and tried to hit the wall… wait... I mean ball…. the alcohol is really strong! I’m not such a bad drinker myself... not drunk... just tipsy… relaxed and calm!

 “your cheongsam it’s too tight at the bottom too... need to raise it….”

 I felt him pull the side of my cheongsam and raised the bottom up… I held in that position, I didn’t dare to move at all… he lifted my cheongsam up high enough to expose a fifth of my thong, the ends of my nylon stockings could be seen too…

 “ohh…” I moaned… he stuck his fingers into my thong and adjusted them… he was making them proper again, after the wedgie he gave me and I tried to readjust but to no avail…...

 “nice…” he complimented...

 “huh, I haven’t shoot yet…” I was puzzled.

 “Of course, not yet… but you will…” he laughed…

 “ooOOOHHH!!!”

 The bride was surprised! she was in full anticipation for something else, and definitely not this!

 she felt violated!! so violated!!! he has got his tongue licking her vagina! she pressed her upper body weight on the pool table... subconsciously, the bride spread her legs more, an action which invited his tongue to go further in…

 wait...

 was she enjoying it too?

 she felt HUGE mix of emotions…

 the bride cried...

 the bride moaned out at the same time…

 she couldn’t hold it back…

 then…

 the licking stopped! she lay flat on the pool table... legs still spread….

 the bride did not know what to feel. she was still deeply disturbed by whatever that has just happened... she was still in the relaxed state… she knew she should run before it gets any worse… but somehow... she remained still… very still….

 she heard him get up from the floor...

 she knew he was getting up!

 she knew!

 but….

 she could not bring herself to move at all!

 she felt him got closer behind her, heard the sound of his boxers being removed… felt his hands on her waist, adjusting her body angle. She could feel his hard penis poke her butt a few times…

 she felt it… in between her legs….

 she knew…. she had to do something soon….

 if not…….

 “mmmmm….” she tried not to moan... she was so scared... so nervous….

 because…...

 his penis head was right at her vagina hole!!!

 By HER:

 “hold the stick... come I teach you how to hit the ball...” he said cheekily... couldn’t hide his pleasure…

 “huh….” I was completely lost…… took a moment... then held the cue stick with just one hand... I had ZERO intentions to learn how to play pool!

 “That’s right…. now follow my motion ok… just push as hard as you can…... ready? one… two… three!”

 PIAK! / “AHHHHH!” I screamed!

 gosh… gosh…... he pushed it in already!!! why didn’t I stop him?? why???

 gosh…... ahhh… he’s slowly pulling it out…. it’s so thick!! shit….

 shit… shit…... this feeling…... I can’t take it…... oh shit…...

 “ok… I show you how to shoot again… get ready!” he said, panting too...

 PIAK! “AH!!!” I screamed again…

 shit…. it was quite painful also… his penis is long! oh shit… what should I do…. shit…... can still feel tears dripping down my cheeks... but I don’t feel like crying so much anymore…

 shit….

 PIAK! “AH!!!” (a beep sound)

 “am I good a good shooter?” he asked cheekily… keeping his penis fully inside me… PIAK! he smacked my butt… “answer me!”

 I…... nodded my head…... wait… what’s wrong with me!! was I just trying to make sure he’s pleased??? or ……

 gosh… gosh……. what should I do now…...? I need to stop this….

 “do you want me to shoot more times?” he asked......

 what should I say??

 what should I say????

 I was panting hard… I think I’ve stopped crying… why am I not crying anymore…

 what should I say?? what should I do??

 “answer leh… how… are you guai anot??” he asked again… slowly pulling his penis out…. making me shudder…

 I nodded my head… “AH! … AH! … AH! … AH!... AH! AH!”

 he started to ‘shoot’ his penis into me faster and faster…. the pool table was shaking… my waist area hurt from his thrusting and banging me against the pool table!

 “AH! AH! AH! AH! AH!” wait… why am I moaning!! I need to stop…. “MM... MM... MM... MM…….”

 He realized that I’ve stopped moaning too….

 he pulled out his penis…

 he moved away for a moment… then came back and pulled me to stand up…. I was so weak…. so weak and violated… I didn’t know what I should do… or even had any motivation to move…. he leaned forward and pressed on something…. I realized…... it was his camera…. he then hugged me and kissed me… like we posed for the camera… I don’t know why… I couldn’t bring myself to move… my hair was in a mess… I really don’t know why….

 he continued to take a few more photos… raising my cheongsam higher and higher….

 he looked at me, took the camera and got me to walk beside him… I was completely listless and emotionless… I was not calm... I was not sad or in despair…

 I simply felt nothing….

 he walked me to the bed put me to sit down… I didn’t even realize that his boxers were off until then……. gosh… I finally saw his thing…….

 and now…

 shit!!

 I can’t get the image out of my head…. even though my eyes are fully shut now!!

 “ guai girl… all the money on the table will be yours…. “he stroked my hair and touched my cheeks… “don’t worry… I will take good care of you from now on…”

 he started to kiss my neck…. I merely sat still……. he kissed down wards... both hands went behind my back and slowly moved my cheongsam forward, and then down my front……… yet…… I still didn’t move……I just closed my eyes…... felt him kiss down to my chests… he cupped one breast up and started to lick my nipple…

 oh nooo… the sensation…. feels sooooo WRONG!!!!

 By HER:

 “oh… so someone likes my licking….” he said with such glee and delight, I leaned backwards as he started to kiss me down, spread my legs and his head appeared in between my legs... he took my hint when I pushed his head down as he sucked on my nipples…

 this felt SO WRONG!

 but somehow….

 having his head in between my legs gave me a sense of satisfaction…

 there he was... this asshole old man….

 BLACKMAILING ME!

 MAKING ME MISERABLE!

 TOTALLY USING ME!

 ON MY WEDDING NIGHT!!!!

 I felt so helpless! so weak! so much fear!

 but then, that moment…

 it changed things…

 when I…... felt his tongue licking me!

 I was SHOCKED! never thought he would even do that for me… considering how he only wants to use me!

 it was my way of getting back at him!

 I so BADLY WANTED to pee into his mouth! as REVENGE!!

 oh shit……….

 oohhhh shitt…………

  shit.............

 I couldn’t hold it……

 “ohhhhh…… ohhhhhhhh…...”

 oh no …. I’m moaning……. I can’t seem to force myself to urinate!!!

 I clamped my legs tight on his head... used my hands and pressed his head down on me… hoping to make him suffocate!!!!

 shit shit shit shit shit shit shit!!!

 “AHHHHH!! AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!” I couldn’t help but moan out loud…. I stopped pressing his face down… instead, I was pulling whatever hair he had left……. oh shit oh shit…. SHIIIITTTTTT!!!!

 I felt my body arched upwards……

 “ORRRHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!”

 …………….

 I lay on the bed……. exhausted…… no energy…. couldn’t bring myself to move……

 even though he was spreading my legs wide……

 even though he was getting closer in between me……...

 even though……. he had a camera in his hand…... pointing it down at me!

  By HIM:

 I really can't believe it.... she actually nudged me downwards to lick for her! she can be quite rough in bed, quite surprised! to be honest, I kind of loved it when she pulled my hair, loved it rough.... because now...... I'm going to give it to her rough!

 I stood in between her legs, at the edge of the bed... she's so young and tender, unlike my wife... Her pussy hair was trimmed. how thoughtful.... loved how soft the skin was.... I stroked her thighs...... she laid completely motionless...... just looking up at me... but not directly... more of at my neck area... she wanted to avoid eye contact... the look on her face... That expression, I could not tell what was on her mind. It was definitely not love.

 was she confused?

 I should think so.... I continued to stroke her thighs.... she was still panting, alcohol she drank keeping her calm. I took some photos of her topless body, bottom with cheongsam... ... she never reacts, just shut her eyes. completely docile, at my mercy... I slid my fingers into her and fingered her a few times… NO RESISTANCE AT ALL! she shut her eyes and her faced look stressed…

 I really cannot believe it!!

 I thought I had to consistently threaten and blackmail her!!!

 Giving her money did not make her compliant with me…

 I thought it will be……. never thought it will be THIS EASY!

 I couldn’t wait… pulled out my fingers…

 aimed…...

 “wahhhhh…” I moaned…. as my penis pushed into her wet and tight pussy again!!!!

 I only pushed my half my penis in… she was already reacting… laid restless... breathing increased…

 I took a few more photos, her face, boobs and my penis inside her!!

 gosh this experience is making me SO HGIH!

 I set the camera to video mode…. there was a beep which I did not know how to turn off. she frowned, but still wasn’t doing anything about it...

 I really wonder why…

 what has made her changed so much?

 has she just accepted this fate?

 or…...

 she simply loves my cock???

 By HER:

 he placed on hand beside my waist, the other hand still holding on to it… the white camera… he was definitely video recording now! I recognized that sound it made, now I was sure… he was recording earlier too. at the pool table! he tried to mask the beep sound as he jammed his penis into me from behind!

 “mmmmmm….” I bit my lip… not wanting to moan… not wanting to give him the satisfaction that he was making me feel something…. he was now ramming me quick and fast!! trying his best to make me moan. I saw the excitement and glee in his eyes! he was filming me! wanting to make me moan!

 I am losing my control!! quickly grabbed a pillow and covered my face. I moaned into the pillow… heard him chuckled in the arrogant manner. he knew he’s had me!

 “hurhhh!” I blurted out... opened my eyes and saw him smiling, filming me still… he had grabbed the pillow and tossed it away on the floor! I gave him a started, but the angry stare melted into a soft tender moaning look as he started to ram me hard and fast again!

(Original thread: http://tiny.cc/ovxxbz) (To be continued…)

[swearronchanel]

8.05

my niece was born today, I’m officially a titi!! time to celebrate with watching some babies on ctm 👶🏼✨

I’m so tired I came back from spain this morning 😂 but let’s do this

“Who are we after all? Are we where we live? Are we the rituals we celebrate year after year..? Are we our hopes and our desires? Are we what we choose to be and do?..” idk Vanessa Redgrave you tell me pls 😭

Trixie reading aloud lmao I love her

Pap smears *shivers* Lmaoo

Ms Higgins can be much but we are no longer accepting any slander towards her on this blog lol

I like sister Hilda I think, she hasn’t had much time to shine

“I’ve had worse up there” LMAO I COULD SAY THINGS BUT I WONT

honestly though men couldn’t take what women have to go through at all😂they’re too damn soft 

Love this girls coat, pink gingham is so cute

she doesn’t have a uterus?

damn I hope her man doesn’t leave her bc she can’t have kids

Ohh so sister Frances knows about cars 😂

Phyllis needs a new car already! spend some coin woman

I’ve already said it before but miss Sister Julienne having more presence

this poor woman, this is brutal aff. I already hate going to any doctor, the gyn is already as much as I can take but then having a whole group of residents stand there and talk about you in words you don’t understand as a doctor is examining you roughly and not telling you what he is doing or why?

also isn’t this the doctor we hate? he’s always with his student/residents and has as much bed side manner as a doorknob

Sister MJ! missed her too

GOLD DUST LMAOO Phyllis is always saying some random sarcastic shit

Sister MJ smiling at the mechanic so pure

is this lady’s husband cheating on her?

LUCILLE HIT HIM WITH THE BIKE, I’D DO THE SAME 

omg this is so pure

SISTER MJ LEARNING ABOUT CARS WITH CYRIL I LOVE THIS

Aw sister Frances did it. tbh (no shade) but she’s just like sister w like why bother to throw in a hardly used character and then giver her the same personality as the last

Smack him up woman!!

measuring the girls up on the wall this is pure

Everyone likes Trixie duh

TIM ABOUT TO GET  LIT WITH CRUSTY OLD BEER 😂

A HARD DAY’S NIGHT !! THE BEATLES

unpopular opinion but I hate beer lmao it has no taste, also hate the smell of most beer bc it triggers me & reminds me of frat houses and bad tailgates at penn state 😹

but also shelagh doesn’t let him do anything i’m surprised lmaoo

Oh shitt hermaphroditism

I gotta say Sgt Woolfe is persistent af😂 he’s not giving up🤷🏼‍♀️

He’s honestly not as bad as he was in the beginning

So what’s wrong with this husband now?

Sister Monica Joan trying to be a wingman I’m so here for this 😂😂find me a man too sis

Yes Trixie get to learning queen

this is so sad, I hope her fiancé doesn’t leave her

he’s never liked bacon? Don’t trust him

LUCILLE TENDING HIS BURN, I ALREADY LOVE THEM TOGETHER PLS GET TOGETHER

Ahh come on Lucille 😭😭 sister MJ get to interfering

WORDS FLOATED TO MY EARS LMFOAOO SOMETHING I WOULD SAY

NOW SHES PLAYING THE FRAIL CARD WHAT A CLEVER WOMAN,  I WOULD TAKE A BULLET FOR SISTER MJ

MISS JAMAICA

they’re dancing !!! I’m screaming this is pure

Nooooo don’t leave Lucille 😭

what’s wrong with mr sharp?

YOU SOUND VERY MUCH ALIVE TO ME LMAOO OK SISTER HILDA DAMN

Spamela lmaoo

Oh noo what is she going to do

Noo don’t rip the dress 😭

I’m so proud of Trixie

Phyllis and Lucille having this little moment

ladies give the men a chance lmaoo

A baby girl!

Lol good for u sharp😂 he deff couldn’t take childbirth

OH HELL NAH WATCH YA MOUTHHHHH!! DONT GET CRAZY WITH SISTER MJ !! I will FIGHT FOR HER

YEA TELL HER SISTER J

now go apologize to sister mj

Oh shit she fucking over dosed on something

She’s awake tho!

Aw Sharp isn’t a trash husband, he’s just soft ahha

LUCILLE IS CALLING HIM !

Trixie’s grown so much over the years ugh 😭💖

THE GIRLS HELPING LUCILLE GET READY FOR HER DATE I LOVE THIS SO MUCH!! Reminds me of the olden days of ctm😭💖💖

Lois’s guy is a good one

CYRIL POPPED OUT IN A MOTORCYCLE

this episode gives me faith in men lol 😭😭

Val’s pants are cute and I love that she and sister MJ had to come outside and see😂

“Perhaps most of all, we are what we accept. What we allow to be important. What we embrace about each other and ourselves. There’s nothing better. There’s nothing more hopeful. There’s nothing else.” I love that 😭😭

This is so pure

But also what the F*CK is happening next week?? I SWEAR THEY BETTER KEEP PHYLLIS SAFE !!!!