#shit photo quality but you get the gist

[sernik-z-dzemem]

wake up guys, new shadowheart + lae’zel template just dropped.

[blackspies12]

A Little Detail I Found

Spoilers for Chapter 6

There’s something I noticed after seeing several people play through the new chapter of Twisted Wonderland 

And it has to do with our favorite braincell duo! I was so happy to see them again ^^

Screenshot taken from とろちゃんねる/ToRo Channel (If you want to see the photos in better quality just click on it I swear it looks better)

When they appear we get two options to say to them 

I used a translator to translate these options so they may not be 100% accurate but the one at the top roughly translates to “I’m back!” while the bottom one says “Are you two okay?” 

Depending on which one you choose you get someone different leading the conversation. 

If you pick “I’m back!” Ace angrily yells at you and bonks Yuu and Grim on the head. 

Convo goes roughly like this 

Ace: HUH?! “I’m back!”--- YOU GUYS ARE IDIOTS!

Bonk Bonk~

Grim: Oi! Why do I have to get scolded too!? 

Ace: Shut up! Be thankful I didn't do anything more than that! (I didn't really know how to translate this line) 

------

If you pick “Are you two okay?” Deuce is the one that scolds you and also the one who bonks Yuu and Grim on the head. 

Screenshot taken from Hanayura Kanon livestream

Deuce: Oh we’re fine now...but that’s not what I meant! You idiot! 

Bonk Bonk~

Grim: Oi! Why do I have to get scolded too!? 

Deuce: “Why?” You’ve got to be kidding me! I’ve had enough of this shit!

I just found it funny that no matter what you choose someone bonks you in the head with the sound effect and everything. 

------

Here’s the rest of the conversation (Again not 100% accurate but it should get the gist across)

Deuce: I woke up in the infirmary to find Hunt-senpai, Epel and Yuu missing and all hell broke loose. ......

Ace: I knew you were probably with Rook-senpai and the others but.....

Ace: Your phone was turned off, and even with the tracking magic of the teachers, I was told they couldn't find you. .......

Deuce: How do you think we've been feeling for the past two days? ------ !

Yuu: I’m sorry for worrying you/I couldn’t just stay…

Ace: Ugh~~~This is really just like the winter holiday, give me a break

Deuce: From the looks of it, neither of you were seriously injured. Thank goodness. ......

Grim: Nyah hah ha~

Ace: Hey, hey Grim. What are you grinning at! This isn’t funny!

Grim: You guys missed me, didn’t you?

Adeuce: Insert surprised Pikachu face here

Grim: I guess you’re no good without your boss, huh. You guys aren’t really honest! 

Deuce: You~ You're so quick to get carried away.... huh?

After that Grim is so relieved to be back at NRC that he starts crying and hugs Adeuce.

THEY HUGGED!

Ace: Who’s the one not being honest?...for god’s sake. 

I couldn’t translate Deuce’s line but I think he says something about how Professor Crewel will probably scold us later. 

In conclusion they were worried your honor.  

I still find it funny how they still refuse to be honest. One day they’ll admit it~

Anyway I just wanted to share this little finding cause I thought it was adorable how each of them showed their worry their own way. (Aka Deuce being really aggressive and Ace being a smartass) 

[demonwifey]

Beetlejuice + Phones Headcanons📱

Hey, guys! So yesterday I had this random idea about Beej singing songs to you from your phone. But while I was writing, it turned into something completely different. These are my headcanons on you letting Beetlejuice play with your phone. I hope you guys enjoy!💜🖤💚

- You’d been wishing to spend a little more quality time with Beetlejuice for a while. Everyone knows working on a double major isn’t easy, but it seemed as though classes were even taking up some of your free time. All you wanted was maybe one day where it was just you and Beetlejuice. Not that you were begging for it...but you were begging for it.

- And then quarantine happened. 

- Your campus was shut down for the rest of the semester and all classes had been put online. So your wish came true. But they say it all the time; be careful what you wish for. 

- Now you’re spending all day everyday with Beetlejuice. For a while it was great. You didn’t have to leave your apartment so he was right there when you woke up. You’d make breakfast for each other in the morning. He’d lay next to you while you did work on your laptop. You guys would watch some Netflix while eating dinner in the evening. And then end the night with sex and cuddles. It was very much like honeymoon phase paradise. 

- But all good things must come to an end. With your classes being merged to online, there were some projects and assignments that you needed a little time to yourself so you could focus. As if Beetlejuice cared. He was like a puppy you just brought home; excited and in constant need of attention. There were times he’d hold you in bed longer than you wanted. While you were on your laptop, he’d stand right over your shoulder and every 5 minutes ask how much longer you would be doing homework. Hell, you couldn’t even use the bathroom without him poking and knocking at the door tell you to hurry up so you could get back to cuddling.

- “Baaaabes, aren’t you done yet?” 

- “Beetlejuice, I just got in here! Give me 5 minutes!” 

- God, you loved Beetlejuice but you needed something else to hold his attention. It hit you one night while you were watching some random movie while Beej’s head in your lap. You remembered how your friend said when he’d babysit his niece, he would always keep her busy with his phone. Whether with YouTube videos or games, she would be glued to it for hours. Beej wasn’t a child but he sure as hell acted like it. Maybe it wouldn’t hurt to try. 

- The next day, Beetlejuice was once again all over you, but it was time to put your plan into action. You grab your phone off of the coffee table and hand it to him. Even though he’s been around for a millennia, Beej wasn’t super into technology. So, he’s confused at first.

- “What’re you giving me this for, doll?” 

- “I just figured you’d wanna have something to do other than watch me do homework all day.”

- You took some time to show Beetlejuice the basics of using a phone. Every few minutes you had to stop yourself from laughing. The whole experience felt very much like teaching your 70-year-old grandparent. 

- “Wait, so the camera goes which way?” 

- “Both ways. You just hit this little box with your finger and it goes from the front camera to the one facing you. That way you won’t have to turn the phone around if you wanna take a selfie.”

- “...what’s a selfie?”

- After 2 hours, he just about got the gist of it. And, oh boy, did your plan work. Beetlejuice was glued to your phone like it was part of his job. And you knew every time Beej learned something new, he immediately acted like he was the expert of it. Now you’ve got this demon acting like your personal secretary. 

- “Dollface, you just got 2 new emails. And there’s a reminder for a quiz tomorrow at 3:00.” 

- “...thank you, Beej.” 

- One day you’re sitting on the couch trying to watch the news. But you can’t focus because Beej is playing with the different ringtones. 

- The day comes when you decide that you need to buy Beetlejuice his own phone. He was acting so stingy with yours and you were tired of it. 

- It would’ve been expensive to have two phones but thank God you had some extra money saved up. Once it came, Beej was all too excited. Once you helped him set it up, he treated it like it was his own baby. It felt even more like so when you found a black and white striped case off of Amazon for him. 

- Of course you only saw it as something to keep him preoccupied but Beetlejuice saw it as the greatest gift ever. No one ever gifted him anything so it meant more to him than anything else. Although he tries to make it funny, you can see that he’s legit tearing up. 

- “Aw, Beej. Don’t cry, it's just a phone. It’s not even the most recent version.”

- “I kOnW iT’s JuSt rEalLy CoOl, BaBeS.” He’s practically babbling with snot and tears running down his face. 

- He goes around taking random pictures whenever he could. But you can’t really say anything because you did the same to him when you first started dating. To someone on the outside, he almost looks like a stalker. His whole gallery is saved with pictures of you at every moment he deemed photo worthy, which was basically every second he was around you. 

- Do you regret teaching him about emojis? Very much, yes.

- You’re the only contact in his phone ( you get around to adding the Deetz’s later) so he changes your name almost every other day.

- (Pick your favorite pet name that Beej would use and it’s like 100 different emojis behind it.)

- Then there are days when he’ll text you while you’re in the same room. At first it was funny but then he started doing it everyday.

- You both sit on opposite ends of the couch and you’re typing on your laptop. Then your phone dings and you pick it up absentmindedly.

- Beej🤡💚: Can you make me a sandwich, doll?❤️❤️❤️

- All you do is glare at him while he gives you the biggest shit eating grin ever.

- This was going to be a extremely long quarantine. 

Stay tuned because a part 2 with NSFW stuff is coming tomorrow✌🏽😉 Thanks for reading!

[positivelypossessed]

So I realized I never really did anything with the photos I took inside the Sallie House or really wrote up anything about it. I think this was mostly because the photos were so low-quality, and the gist of the story was that I was too spooked to do anything cool lol. Basically, if you are interested in staying in the Sallie House it’s pretty easy. And if you’re alone it’s cheaper than taking a tour. It was $100 for one night, and I was in the area anyway and if I’m being honest that’s pretty much the same price as any hotel in Atchison, KS. The only downside is that you have to sleep on the floor since you’re not allowed to use the beds. They didn’t really explain why this was, but Kansas has a pretty bad bed bug problem so I wasn’t gonna mess around with that.

They were supposed to come let me in at 3:00 pm, but they were a little late so I got in at 3:40 pm. When we went inside the radio was playing, and the lady said something along the lines of “Yeah, that happens sometimes.” I was kind of like, eh that’s probably bullshit (If this has happened to anyone else who’s stayed here please let me know) but cool. She showed me around the house and then left. This is when I noticed that the clock had stopped at the same time I had come in. Again, this definitely could have been fabricated, but I mean they already had my money so why lol. And then I just...chilled. I was pretty spooked so I drank some mike’s hard lemonade and watched some vine compilations. Some girls came by to take pictures of the house, so I did get to freak them out by shaking the blinds and banging on the windows. They were good sports about it.

I straight up could not/would not sleep. I pretty much stayed on the first floor, since I was not up for exploring the creepy kid’s room upstairs, and I was definitely not up for going down to the spooky basement. I was like “ill just do that stuff in the morning before I leave, it’ll be easier in the daylight.” Around 3am I was trying to force myself to sleep and I don’t know if it was my imagination or not but I definitely heard a giggle from upstairs. I was basically like “if some fucking ball comes bouncing down those stairs or some shit I’m gonna yeet straight out the window” After that I was like fuck it, and took like a 45 minunte fear-induced nap in the backseat of my car. At like 4am I came back in the house and I was so spooked and tired I was like come at me demon. I really did not give a fuck lol.

The next morning I felt a lot chiller , and was like “okay im gonna go into the basement and im going to freak out but its gonna be okay”. I was ready to meet this demon and give them props for scaring the shit out of me by doing basically nothing? But then there was a random thunderstorm and i was like...if i go down to that basement. And the power goes out. I will die. The demon will be like “damn bitch that wasn’t even me”. So i ran upstairs hella fast, took some quick photos (this is why all the photos are so bad lol.) and bailed. So did I technically stay in a potentially demon-infested house overnight by myself? Yes. But I’m gonna go ahead and say the Sallie House demon won that one.

[makaylan]

Watercolor asks: hansa yellow, burnt sienna, blue cobalt, prussian azure 😁

guilty pleasure song: https://open.spotify.com/track/2xtIAFJIMkzHGHiCrJ9iwd?si=pikL2b_8SluNerzJh5yWiw

painting that brings me peace:

Ophelia by John Everett Millais. Photo quality is shit by you get the gist. So heartbreakingly pretty.

do you like your name? would you give yourself a different name?:

Yeah I like my name! It’s not as unique as my mom thought it was back when she chose it, but she had loved it since she was a kid so :-) And I don’t think I would change it, if I did I would change it to Rhea, which is my mom’s middle name. I love family names.

what’s your favorite scent?:

New books, freshly baked cookies, floral perfumes, laundry straight out of the dryer. :-))

[princessnijireiki]

like the most genuinely hateful, evil, honestly & horrifyingly triggering extreme dieting thing I ever saw/read was years ago on some random website I doubt I would be able to ever find again (if it's even still up).

but the gist of it was this author trying to pitch an ebook of diet tips talking about how ppl will have stubborn fat on their stomachs or loose skin after they've lost a lot of weight, basically saying he had the key to spot reduction (which is… not a real thing) & forcing skin to snap back for adults (also not a thing beyond a certain extent; skin elasticity is what it is, it's limited, and your skin doesn't shrink past a certain point… and tbh if your body ever does start consuming its own muscle & skin bc there's no sugars or fats left to burn off, you are unwell, your skin isn't supposed to shrink).

pause: keep in mind, I was like… 16 or so reading this page. also pause: this is where it gets really gross & ugly, so pleeease back out if this will make you sick/trigger you.

MAJOR TW FOR STARVATION & GENOCIDE BELOW

but uh… as "evidence," this dude deadass. made a separate page on his site. as a gallery. full of fucking photos of holocaust victims rescued from death & labor camps.

and was like, "these people starved, but none of them have hanging skin! anyone who says they have a stubborn 10lbs or loose skin on their stomach just isn't trying hard enough!"

which has sort of seared itself into my brain for over a decade bc even though I knew he was full of shit, and had seen holocaust photos before (I think the first time I saw photos from concentration camps I was under 10yrs old, and it was in a book meant for adults on the holocaust; like I had seen these photos in a very different, much more respectful context), I didn't really have… a mental defense up for that specific kind of hatred?

like to use photos of people who were actively dying & who had been tortured, for one… to sell diet books… when also, so many fucking people died, like, it wasn't fat camp, it's not before & after photos of fat vs. skinny people, lots of fat & skinny people died, babies died, old people died… your skin quality was not a reflection on your superior fucking physical fitness… and a lot of people died shortly after, too, or had permanent health issues just from the impact of starvation alone, not even getting into the other physical & psychological ghosts and scars of a goddamn genocide.

all to basically advocate for treating your body the way literal actual nazis would… for sake of fucking vanity. because folks should rather want to re-enact imprisonment conditions in a concentration camp than be fat, and pay for the privilege of being told so.

[haydenstudiesblog-blog]

Not all advisors in college are helpful, I know this from personal experience. But I did learn one valuable thing from my advisor: Making a Plan of Study (P.O.S.) is crucial to your academic success, even if you haven’t been very successful in this area in the past.

This post is going to provide the basics of creating your OWN P.O.S. WITHOUT your advisor. [Disclaimer: I still recommend meeting with your advisor regularly in college, even if they are relatively worthless like mine. You can always look into switching advisors to find someone more helpful as well.]

First: Find Your (Unofficial) Transcripts

While I won’t can’t show you my unofficial transcripts freshly printed out with all of my academic information on them, what I can show you is what I did with them. It’s always a great idea to check your transcripts regularly. Everyone university/college is different, but I find mine by going to my profile and clicking on “Unofficial Transcripts.” It’s great to check them, it’s even better to print them out every semester or ever year just to keep them up-to-date. This is NOT required, just a helpful tip.

As you can see in the picture below, I created a Google Sheet and put in everything on my transcripts (well, not everything: the classes I’ve received credit for & taken and the grade I received beside it). The color-coding has to do with the college I took the classes at; the red tables are classes I’ve taken at my local community college, and the yellow tables are classes I’ve taken at my university so far (I based these colors off of the school’s colors). The stars next to certain classes indicate ones I have retaken (for example, I retook Humanities I this summer through my community college as a Western Civ class, so they both have 2 stars to indicate they go together).

(I’m sorry if these photos are poor quality, they were taken with my iPhone 7, but you’ll still get the gist!)

Second: Look Up Your Requirements

If you don’t already know these or have them handy, you’ll need to look up your gen ed requirements at your college. If you don’t already know what gen eds are (or use a different term where you’re from and don’t know what I’m talking about), these are all of the basic classes you have to take. For example, at my university we have to take a certain amount of physical & life science classes, art classes, humanities, a personal health lecture along with a physical lab (more or less physical education), etc. These are the classes you are required to take that are not required for your major, but required to graduate. 

You’ll need to know these because these are the classes you use to fill up your schedule when you can’t get into any more classes for your major, or if you are still deciding and don’t have any classes to take for a major yet. It’s crucial to keep track of these classes so you know what requirements you have fulfilled and what still needs to be done; the same concept as keeping track of your major.

So find these and print them off. You may be able to find these on your school profile, so check there first. At my university, you can find them all on your school profile and it will list for you what requirements you have fulfilled and what classes you used to fulfill them, and it will show you what requirements you still need to fulfill and you can look at the options for classes you can take to do so.

After finding your gen ed requirements, look up requirements for any majors and minors you have (if any). If you are thinking about transferring to a different school (this doesn’t have to be set in stone, if you’re just weighing your options it’s still important and I’ll show why in this next picture).

Do the same as you did with your unofficial transcripts, except without grades since you don’t have any yet. Look over the requirements and make notes of how many credits you need of anything. This isn’t going to be 100% accurate, because there are always ways for classes to count for multiple requirements. For example, I have a major and two minors right now. Most of my minor classes can count for my major as well. BUT, since I don’t have my advisor’s help at the moment, I can’t be as specific as I’d like to be when putting classes into my Google Sheet.

Once again, I separated each school by color (I’m thinking about transferring in a year). My school’s colors are purple and gold, and the school I would like to attend is black and gold, so I used those colors in my sheet. Again, not required, just makes it nicer to look at in my opinion.

I included the classes I am going to be taking in the next coming semester and I tried my best to organize a plan for myself for future semesters. 

I also looked up the classes and any additional programs I want to take at the other school and I made tables for them as well. Again, this isn’t going to be totally accurate, but it will give you a general idea of where you’re at and if you are still on track to graduate.

By making myself a P.O.S., I was able to see that I need to take some overloads in order to graduate on time at the school I am currently at. It also showed me that if I transfer, I will be graduating a year later than what is considered the “norm” in my country (4 years is the norm, I will be taking 5 years). 

Third: Email Your Advisor

Did you really not see this coming?

HA! I know the point of this post was to be able to do this on your own, but let’s be realistic: this is college. If you want to get shit done, you need to talk to your advisor. If your advisor is relatively worthless (and by worthless I mean: missing appointments, not responding to emails, not giving real answers when you ask them important questions, or not knowing what your meeting is even about when you show up), then seriously switch advisors. I haven’t had to do this yet, but if I plan on staying at my current university then I’m going to be switching. My advisor sucks, honestly. BUT since I’m thinking about transferring anyway, I’m not worried about that yet.

I’ve told you the absolute basics on how you can create your own P.O.S., and by no means is any of this information wrong, I promise. Get your transcripts, get your requirements, make your own Google Sheets and put everything in. But you should still talk to your advisor, because they can help you out with the specifics.

Your advisor is the one who can tell if certain classes can count for multiple requirements (my minor classes fulfilling major requirements). And if you need to retake any classes, they can help you figure out solutions. They are there to help you. Some may not be helpful, but I promise there are others who are.

So make your P.O.S. Make it look great. Have your previous classes and future classes handy as you email your advisor asking if you can schedule a meeting to create a plan of study. When it comes time to meet with them, bring your binder filled with everything you just printed: your transcripts, your gen ed requirements, your major & minor requirements, any information on possible other options, and your Google Sheets you spent so much time making. Hole punch everything and put it in a binder so it’s all together and bring that with you. Plop that thing down on your advisor’s desk and get down to business.

College can be hard, or it can be easy. A huge part of your journey depends on organization and how on top of everything you are. Creating a P.O.S. is a HUGE step to success, especially if you haven’t been as successful as you would’ve liked thus far (like myself-- I promise you’re not alone!).

xx Hayden

[salarta]

I think Bunn sees Magneto as the primary focus, and everyone else is a satellite character. This means that Polaris becomes a simpering daddy's girl help meet, Scarlet Witch is always blamed for HoM for mutant savior angst, and Quicksilver is to provide a rival/enemy to make him look heroic. It debases and distorts them for Magneto, but again, that is all Bunn cares about. Like how Soranik (DC, Green Lantern) started to revolve around Sinestro (her father) when Bunn started to write them.

@allwillbeone said: Bc, it’s Cullen Bunn. I knew it.

I’ll be replying to two people at once here.

I don’t think Bunn has used Scarlet Witch or Quicksilver much yet, and we can’t say how he would treat them as a result. We’ve seen enough about Bunn’s view of Polaris and other women to say something about that though.

Lately, I’ve seen a lot of people say that Psylocke was basically turned into a foil for Magneto. I’ve seen similar said about Emma Frost’s depiction during X-Men Blue #8 and #9, that those issues largely presented Emma in a manner that was beneficial to Magneto at Emma’s expense.

Treatment of Polaris in various Bunn things itself has issues.

The end of the Magneto solo had two problem spots specific to Lorna: Lorna written as scandalized by Magneto putting any lives at risk to save the world, and Lorna getting sucker-punched by her dad in that she somehow supposedly never anticipated him trying to siphon all her energy like a battery to do the job all by himself.

Deadpool and the Mercs for Money had her appearance altered to have Magneto’s helmet and collar just in green. All by itself, in the right context, this can be a good thing. The Wolverine and the X-Men cartoon did it well. It becomes a problem when taken with the Magneto solo’s ending and the next thing: X-Men Blue.

Several months before it would release, Polaris’ return on X-Men Blue was touted as a meaningful thing, announced at a conference with an X-Men Blue #9 cover devoted to her. The senior X-Men editor also talked about her a fair bit then.

Then, in the following months, it all went silent. Bunn showed at least some excitement about getting to write Havok, and even brought him up at times in interviews, but he didn’t care enough to talk about Polaris at all. When the time came, he was eager to spend most of X-Men Blue #8 building up Havok’s prestige, letting him interact with other characters and implying he’s a threat.

What did Polaris get? The “honor” of being defined exclusively by who the men in her life are. Havok and Magneto. “She’s Magneto’s daughter!” “She’s going to mop the floor with her ex!”

Okay but why the fuck is she taking this action at all? What does she want in all of this? Does she just want to beat up her ex Havok and be her father Magneto’s puppet, or does she actually have a reason for her course of action? Why is she on this book at all?

And then we get to X-Men Blue #11. The conversation with her father was okay. She said a lot of words that look nice. But then she’s written as acting like she’s completely floored by the idea that the base is attacked, as if a woman who nearly died on Genosha and witnessed millions murdered in a surprise genocide wouldn’t have the sort of trauma that makes her expect an attack no matter how safe you feel. And this happened entirely so Magneto could “correct” her by saying the goddamn obvious.

Followed by Polaris getting easily defeated with the rest of the teachers, because Magneto got defeated too, and obviously if Magneto’s going down that easy then his “lesser” support Polaris will too. Can’t have Lorna showing up Magneto when they have the same powers, just like we couldn’t have her showing up Havok when he’s leader of teams she’s on.

Then I saw Blood Storm get multiple pages worth of backstory and effort to get inside her head that Bunn never once tried to do with Polaris and never will.

I think about things like Uncanny X-Men too. For that whole run, Bunn said he hoped to bring Polaris back, but all he ever did was have Sabretooth say she smells nice in passing.

Here’s the gist of things. When I started reading Bunn, I had concerns about some of his choices, but I chalked them up to Marvel interfering. I assumed pretending she never suffered through the Genoshan genocide was Marvel editorial being dicks. I assumed Bunn not getting Polaris on Uncanny X-Men was Marvel execs being dicks cause they didn’t want her on any books.

But after the past several months? I don’t think that’s what’s going on at all.

I think Bunn doesn’t care about Polaris or what she can offer except insofar as how it might benefit Magneto or other characters he actually cares about.

If Bunn cared about Lorna, he would’ve been excited to hype up her return for X-Men Blue #9 in the same way he did for Havok.

if Bunn cared about Lorna, then in X-Men Blue #9, he would’ve given her the sort of in-depth character history talk and inside-her-head bits he’s giving Blood Storm right now.

He wouldn’t leave everything she is to be defined exclusively by the men in her life and what outside characters like Jean Grey say about her. His writing decisions betray that he’s so far outside caring who she is, how she thinks, what she believes that he sticks to having Jean Grey exclaim the most basic of basic cliff notes. Stuff that doesn’t even matter and won’t get anyone to care about who Lorna is or what she’s doing on this book.

Nobody gives a shit about a character who seems to exist solely to be a foil for another character, especially a man. I saw it firsthand when I had to fix perception of Rosa Farrell from Final Fantasy IV. So, so many people saw her as a useless damsel in distress because they defined her solely by her relationship with Cecil Harvey.

It took several years of pointing out that Rosa wasn’t just a damsel Cecil had to rescue twice. She was a badass who crossed a desert crawling with monsters all by herself and only walked out of it with a sickness anyone could get. She was a compassionate mother figure who managed to help a little girl get over her fear of fire - a fear the girl had because fire killed her mother and destroyed her home village. She was a selfless defender who, when everyone else in her party was about to die, offered herself up as a sacrifice to save their lives.

But according to people who only defined Rosa by Cecil, she was just a pain in the ass that slowed your journey down. When a female character is defined exclusively by the men in her life, not by her own actual qualities, people start to think she sucks.

That’s what I see in Bunn’s treatment of Polaris so far. An attitude that she exists only to be defined by Magneto, Havok and other characters he actually cares about. Characters that aren’t her.

Bunn says a lot of nice things when he’s asked. Shoot him a message and he’ll say some great things. On his own, without someone asking him, he doesn’t volunteer the slightest bit of interest in Lorna. He doesn’t answer interview questions with “I have big plans for Polaris that involve her history on Genosha.” He doesn’t put out teases on Twitter hinting at potential stories he might be thinking of for her. He doesn’t do any of the things someone that actually likes Lorna would do for the simple joy of getting to do it and feeling eager to show it off to the world.

Look at Emma Dumont by contrast. She’s posting instagram photos of the Polaris figurines she’s bought. She’s geeking out over Lorna’s potential relationships. She’s sharing Polaris fanart, and doing interviews with green hair.

I don’t expect everyone, including a writer, to be as committed to Polaris as Emma Dumont, but there’s a massive gulf between Emma’s excited fandom and Bunn’s virtual wasteland of interest.

If Bunn isn’t interested in writing Polaris the actual character, and is only interested in writing Magneto’s daughter or Havok’s ex or X character’s rival, then I’d rather she not be on X-Men Blue at all. Bunn can find or create other characters to fill the roles he plans to use Polaris for. Let a different writer write her. 

At this point, I quite frankly think the only reason he says he likes her and wants her around is so he can use her to benefit other characters. Nothing to do with Lorna herself. He hasn’t shown me anything that suggests otherwise. He’s only said some stuff that does not match his actions.

[speckeh]

2017 Book List

BACK AT IT AGAIN. JUMP IN THE CAR!!! I’M STILL READING A SHIT TON OF BOOKS!!!!

1. How It Works: The Cat. 2.5/5 stars. I read this at a book store in Bergen because my brother laughed while he read it. I picked it up and it was ok?? I don’t understand why people who write about cats always, ALWAYS talk about how much of an asshole they are and how they don’t truly love you. And I just sit there like, have you ever owned a fucking cat??? Some parts of the book was super cute but I hate the trope that cats are “assholes.” yeah they’re dicks sometimes. But they’re not assholes 24/7 unless you’re an asshole to your cat.

2. The Greenest Island. 3.5/5 stars. This is another small book that I’ve been meaning to read for a couple of months now. It was pretty interesting and like Mrs. Dalloway I read last year, I’m not sure if I want to sell it or keep it. It’s beautifully written, the story is strong, but some of the characterization is just sort of annoying. Like I get that it’s a very real sensation and issue a young couple who get pregnant WAY TOO SOON without knowing each other. But only a man would think of something so drastic as the end in reference to raising a child. 

3. Letters for Lucardo: 5/5 stars. I saw this comic advertised early in 2016 and I’ve been watching the project closely. I help funding the gofundme and I bought a download and a signed copy of the physical book. The story about a 60 year old man falling in love with a Vampire stuck at the age of 36 was SO INTRIGUING plus the artist had a webcomic which I absolutely adored so I knew not only would the art be excellent but the storyline would be solid. This is one of four volumes and I WAS NOT DISAPPOINTED. The story line was so cute, the art was beautiful, the smut was *mwah* beautiful. But the best part was that it left me wanting for me and I can’t WAIT until the next three volumes are here. Support your local tumblr artist and enjoy some gay vampire storylines with well drawn wrinkly aging men. 10/10, 100/100 please read and enjoy.

4. A Special Study Set of Fine Art Reproductions. 4/5 stars. A little black spiral bound book of black and white copies of famous art works. It’s cute, it’s a good bite sized art book to get the gist of Western Art history. I knocked it down because the art pieces are in black and grey when I know for a FACT some art pieces are in color. So that was a bummer. But overall a nice rendition of some of the classics.

5. Alphonse Mucha: Masterworks. 5/5 stars. I bought this book probably 2 years ago? I’m in a reading funk right now and flipping through art books seems pretty doable. This book is chalked full of history of Mucha while I will read later. But the art quality is excellent, the sizes are big enough to view with pleasure. This is a excellent excellent book full of his art work. I love it. It makes me feel better for the fact I’ve only been drawing girls for the last year because I love drawing delicate features and strong women. If Mucha can just draws women for most of his career, I don’t have to feel guilty in only drawing women for a year.

6. Assassin’s Creed: A Visual History. 5/5 stars. Ok I’m going to repeat this over and over again. But I’m such a fan of the AC series, even if the latest editions have been a u t t e r let down. But I have to admit flipping through this book I got emotional. AC was such a fun series for me when I started and it helped me through a manic depression I had after a very serious illness almost 3 years ago. I don’t pretend the history is accurate or the plot lines are all there, but they means so much to me. As a history lover to the point I’m getting a Minor in college in history. I’ll always enjoy my AC games, no matter how cringe worthy and disappointing some of them end up becoming. Shout out to my boys (and girls) of the assassin creed order. <3 

7. The Art of Howl’s Moving Castle: 5/5 stars. I’ve had this book for a long time, when my childhood best friend and I would hang out nearly every day and sleep overs every weekend. She gave me this book a few months after I watched Howl’s Moving Castle because I was so enchanted by the movie. Howl’s Moving Castle is a favorite movie, book, and soundtrack. This art concept book is beautiful, it’s like a novelization of the movie without any dialogue. The back is the FULL script, there’s concept art, and fully fledged art story boards. If you’re a big fan of Howl’s Moving Castle, this is a great book to have in your library.

8. Tango! The Dance, The Song, The Story. 5/5 stars. My father lived in Argentina for awhile so he would make dishes growing up of delicious food. I love the tango, it’s so beautiful and down right seductive. So of course finding this book for 4 dollars I had to have it. It has photography, drawings, posters, female tango singers, the history of the tango. It’s chalked full of excellent information and it’s really enjoyable to flip through. 

9. Why Cats Paint: A Theory of Feline Aesthetics. 5/5 stars. I bought this book for my birthday last year because it was absolutely silly. It features “Cat Artists” and their aesthetics and their art pieces. Warning there are mummified cats in the beginning of the book which can be upsetting. This book is really goofy and the people who write it are serious but in a fun way? It’s a great book to read like today when I’m stuck in the house because of bad weather and having my own two cats it makes me curious to see if I could make my kiddos paint like those kitties in the book.

10. Life: The Classic Collection. 5/5 stars. A decent sized photography book of the most recognizable Life photographs. Not to forget there are 25 extra prints available for you in the book you can take out and frame. I love editorial photography and seeing the most iconic photos throughout the century. Idk man if you like photography and Life Magazine this is a great book to have.

11. Fashion: A History from the 18th to the 20th century. 5/5 stars. Beautiful book. Beautiful clothes. 

12. The Pharos Gate. 4.5/5 stars. I saw this book at Barnes and Noble early in 2016 and the intrigue had me thinking about it for awhile. I bought it for christmas, waiting to read it in right time. Early on this week I went to my favorite second hand book store and found out it had 3 books before this one. The Pharos Gate is the final book in a series but it can be read by itself. To be honest I think if I had to read the three books before this I would have become bored. That’s three books worth of people trying to find each other but keep missing connections, that’s infuriating. But this book was lovely and the letter writing kind of reminds me of the letters my best friend and I send to one another. She just went back to school and I think she would really enjoy this book so I’m going to send it to her with my own letter attached. I think she’ll like that. 

13. Pirateology. 4/5 stars. These series were my SHIT as a kid. Dragonolgy, Greek Myths, Pirateology. While Hastings went under and into ruins, I found this book for super super cheap. I have certain niches I love to learn/read/aesthetic. Regency, 1950s murder mystery (Looking at you 007), Westerns, weird vintage novels, and pirates. I love the history the book gives you, but as an adult the information is sort of lacking. This is a book definitely for kids, the plot line throughout the guide book is meh it’s ok but it doesn’t capture you, and the interactive bits are the best. I just wish there was more about specific pirates but other than those complaints this is a great book.

14. Viking Poetry: Of Love and War. 5/5 stars. I went to Norway for New Years and I didn’t buy a lot of souvenirs. I mostly bought key chains. I think I only bought two books, maybe even just the one. I bought this viking poetry at THE famous viking ship in Oslo. It was very very cool. I read this book today because I don’t feel well, I want to go to bed but I know I shouldn’t. I have too much homework to do but I’m not motivated to read. The viking poems are unique as they are pretty. I was sometimes disappointed they didn’t have great rhyming schemes but you have to remember these were written in various old languages and then translated into modern day English. If you want to read what the vikings considered poetry, this is a great introduction without reading the giant lores.

15. The Elements of Style: 5/5 stars. Oh my god it’s been so long I completely forgot what my book tag was. February has been crazy for me. I got a internship, I dropped a class because of stress, I’ve been stressed out like crazy, I’ve been doing a lot of school work. I felt like I’ve had no time to read for pleasure. I actually didn’t read this book for please (half pleasure) but for work. It was actually a lot of fun. We studied this book in AP Literature when I was a senior in highschool and I wanted to have it for myself as a writer, but also it’s excellent for my ambitions to become an editor. The writing is a little hard, sometimes I’d read a whole page without really absorbing what was on it. But it was interesting and you can read White’s frustration with writers with certain rules they ignored. I actually loved the add on V chapter by Strunk which said that English rules are extremely important but take in mind the language of your time and how you write. Your voice is important. Which I found very important and also felt like an eye opener with Editing for my job. I’ve been wary of making sure not to change anyone’s voice but also trying to keep with proper English rules. It’s been a lot of fun.

16. The Last Wish: Introducing the Witcher: 5/5 stars. This book took me me almost 2 full months to read. I’ve been so busy. I first started reading this book before my trip to Norway, took it all the way across Europe, back and I finally finally finished it today. I don’t know why it took me so long? I absolutely loved it. I played Witcher 3 last semester and really really loved the story line and characters. My sister-in-law loves the books so I gave it a try! I would definitely recommend this book if you like spins on fairytales and medieval magical worlds. I had a lot of fun but I’m glad I can finally pick a new book.

17. Shackleton: Antartic Odyssey: 4/5 stars. Today has been a recovery day and I’m, emotionally dead/it comes in waves. So I spent like 5 hours in a bath today and read this comic. The art is really good, the story is super intriguing! I was in Norway this last December and we went to a arctic ship museum because Norway was the first to reach the South Pole. But the author even said himself the comic needs to be at least 300 pages but his hand would fall off. And I wish he did do 300 pages. The story was short and choppy. I know it’s selfish, but as a reader I wish he did do his main goal because he had the perfect art style for this comic. Either way, I did enjoy.

18. Creole Folktales: 5/5 stars. If you love mythology, this book is pretty great. If you love Louisiana, black folklore, this book is pretty great. It doesn’t have 5 stars on amazon or goodreads because I think people take issue with the writing or they’ve heard these stories before. This was my first introduction to Creole folktales and I have to say i loved it. The nostalgia of reading different myths is pretty great plus the storylines can be hilarious to kind of terrifying. The author says to read this story by night and I have to agree. I read it all in one sitting this evening and I wouldn’t change that experience. 

19. I Shall Not Be Moved: 5/5 Stars. It’s been awhile since I’ve read a poetry book. Since February I think. Sundays are usually my comic or poetry days and I was in the mood for some poetry. I was going to read this book for Black History Month for my book club (if you wanna join hit me UPP) but February was so crazy and stressful that I couldn’t read anything. So this time I did read a Black Poetress but just for National Poetry month. I loved this book, super powerful and moving. I’ll probably be thinking about this poetry book for a long long time. 

20. Artists and their cats: 3/5 stars. Being stressed out in my finals week means I want to do a lot of book things just so I can procrastinate. I bought this book as a Christmas present for myself. I'm slightly disappointed in it because the book is called Artists and their Cats, but it's really more like, A mini biography of artists and oh, some cat photos. I was expecting heart warming stories about their cats. But no. I loved the photos though which make this book conflicting for me.

21. The Monkees comic book: 5/5 stars. Super cute. I feel bad because Mickey was drawn pretty horrible. But I loved the art. The choppy scenes were kind of hard to get into and that 1960s humor can be kind of cringey but I really really enjoyed it.

22. The Art of Drowning: 5/5 stars. So I was thinking this would have completed my Billy Collin’s reading, but apparently I read this book in 2014! How crazy! Well I read it and enjoyed it. That’s all. 

23. A Queen’s Journey: 4/5 stars. I’ve been having a lot of heart ache for my birth state as of late. I visited Hawaii this time last year since moving when I was 2 and not remembering a single thing about it. Everything fit and I felt like I was home (when I was in the ocean) and it was such a strange feeling. I’ve been missing it hardcore this last month and so I decided if I can’t go to the Island I’d read a book about Hawaii or a Hawaiian. I’m also a book traveler, I bring books on trips and my favorite souvenirs are books. I’m a person who can remember times and feelings by looking at books. This is one of the books I bought while on the big island and haven’t read until now. For the story itself, I definitely give it a solid 4 stars like most people have. The book is unfinished as the author died while writing it. But I actually love how the book ended, the last chapter is perfect for a finale. But everything leading up is meh. Don’t get me wrong, I flew through this book and found it so much fun but it’s written from the perspective of a white entitled reporter who doesn’t really understand Hawaiians but “loves” them because of the Queen. I would have preferred to have a story told from Queen Lili’uokalani’s perspective but it was a nice read.  

24. Lights Out and Away We Go by @naum-e : 5/5 stars. I’ve been following Naume-e for at least a year now and they draw the absolutely cutest/breathtaking spirk doodles on tumblr. When I saw they put up their formula one au book up for sale, I had to get it. They even sent me a sheet of adorable spirk stickers. I love it. The art is so professional, the cover is beautiful! The storyline is short and I wish there was more background and developlement but that’s just me being greedy. Only criticism I would have is that one page would be crisp and saturated black and the next would have a grey tone to it so it wasn’t as sharp. I don’t know if that was due to printing costs or stylistic choice but sometimes it worked, other times it was kind of distracting. Either way I really enjoyed it and loved the art!

(I’ve actually read 44 books but 20 of those are yaoi mangas/I don’t have the energy to type up individual reviews) 

25. And Three Makes Tango. 5/5 stars. I’m doing a summer class and this is a book I picked for a 5-7 page project about censored books. And Three Makes Tango is the true story of two male penguins who fell in love at the New York Zoo. They made headlines when the zoo keepers gave them a fertilized egg which made them the first male couple to raise a baby penguin. It’s super cute and the art is adorable and I can’t wait to write this 5-7 page essay on it.

26. Goldfinger. 4.5/5 stars. I really enjoyed this book! Dr. No was kind of a hot mess with a huge octopus, guano, and the girl not being entirely likable. This book was definitely a treat! It may be kind of boring because the first 150 pages is a slow burn of James finding a guy cheating at cards and like 3 chapters dedicated to just him playing golf. But I really really loved this? The only reason why I don’t give this book 5 stars is because of Bond’s very sexist and homophobic views he suddenly stated out of no where. There were a TON of lesbians in this book, Pussy Galore, Tally, and he seemed ok with them except he was disappointed he couldn’t fuck them. And then said lesbians and gays were all sissies who he had no time for (even though Bond is like super, mega gay for James Bond. SUPER MEGA GAY.) and the ending they made the strictly lesbian badass gangster woman say, “Well I’ve never met a real man before.” and UGH. WHY. I would have given it 5 stars if they had just left Pussy Galore’s lesbian nature alone and not justify it with a “She just needs a strong man.” Also I apparently bought this book for me for Christmas 2015 ahah. 

27. The Mad Kings & Queens, History’s Most Famous Raving Royals: 4/5 stars. I enjoyed this book. It’s marketed as a reference book and it discussed the insane breeding of The Kings and Queens of Europe. This book should really be called, “Inbreeding fucked me up.” because most of the insane issues came from inbreeding lines and madness from parents and grandparents being passed down to their kiddos. But there were several monarchs where I didn’t believe they fit underneath the “mad” title. Like King Henry VIII was just a pissbaby. And there a handful of monarchs included who just had severe depression and anxiety which affected the way they ruled, it doesn’t mean they’re mad. Other than that, it’s a great little book for a quick overview of Europe’s fucked up royalty. 

28. Strike Through The Mask! 2/5 stars. It’s not my favorite poetry book, it had some poems I enjoyed! I bought this from the annual library book sale because it was signed by the author and was super cheap. Though after learning about Peter Viereck, I’m not really sure what I think about him? He’s super conservative and is VERY loud about people being extremist but is sort of seen as an extremist himself. Nothing wrong with that inherently but I’m still not super sure about these poems. A lot of them were about trees talking to humans or other trees. Debating on giving them poetry book to donations because it’s really not my favorite. 

29. For the King: 2/5 stars. The premise of the book is quite interesting! It follows the assassin attack on Napoleon in 1800 on Christmas at Midnight. It cause da wave of destruction, death, horror, and a huge police investigation which resulted in more death and conspiracy. The book did not live up the potential. It kept my interest and it had some great writing, but the characters were flat, the main character was whinny, and the plot was a little jumbled. It was also strange because it’s a historical fiction but also murder mystery but you know who did it by chapter 1 and you follow the policeman’s thoughts and instincts to capture the assassins. It’s weird, there were a lot of strangely written sentences, and it was over all a just ok read.

30. The Old Man and the Sea: 2.5/5 stars. There is a lot to enjoy about The Old Man and The Sea. The story is compelling, the relationship between the old man and the boy is pleasant, and Hemingway has a way of using metaphors and descriptions which are breathtakingly beautiful. But there is also a lot to be disappointed in. It’s a lot of rambling, several sentences could have been edited, and the old man was pretty much senile in the way that he fishes. I read it in one day and still processing it. I’m pretty sure there are a few pages that I didn’t really read, I fell asleep the first 60 pages, and the story doesn’t truly touch me in the way classics usually do. But there is also something oddly charming which makes rating this book more difficult than I thought.

31. The Lost Estate: 5/5 stars. This book has been on my shelf for awhile. I bought it because you can design your own cover once you finish the book, so I bought it not expecting the story to be great but at least I can art a book. This is one of the best reads I’ve read in several months! I loved the story! I loved the characters! It felt like a fantastical children’s story with romance, magic, and French school boys. The chapters were short and the main character has such a charm. The only downside is that the story has a weird time lapse where you’re not really sure how old the kids are or how many years have passed. All in all, I’m really thrilled with this book and it’s easily going on my favorite shelf after I draw the cover!

32. Lunch Poems: 4/5 stars. Frank O’Hara’s poetry isn’t like your classical poetry. He’s irreverant which makes reading his stanzas refreshing and different. There were some poems where they were too strange and convoluted for my taste, ones I wished I could be heard out loud, and there wasn’t anything that punched me in the chest with wowing words, but it did inspire me to write my own poem. And for me, that’s the highest compliment of a poetry book, to make you write poems. I really enjoyed 14 of the poems which is a pretty decent amount to like for me. Billy Collins has the highest likes of poetry for me, and Lang Leav having the least amount of poetry I liked in her book Love & Misadventure. Frank O’Hara was a decent medium for me and a nice introduction for anyone who doesn’t particularly care for “flowery” poetry. My favorites were: Cambridge, Poem (1959), How To Get There, Pistachio Tree At Chateau Noir, and Yesterday Down At The Canal. 

33. Howl And Other Poems: 6/5 stars. Very rarely do I hold a book to my chest after I finish reading it. The books I remember doing this were The Secret Garden, Shadow of the Wind, Pride and Prejudice, and Howl’s Moving Castle. I can add Howl to my list. I first heard of this revolutionary poetry book in one of my university classes about censorship and banned films and literature. We watched the James Franco movie about the whole trial over Howl, and I thought it was pretty, but I didn’t feel a great pull to the way he read the poems. I decided to pick it up for myself and I read it today all the way through. And reading it for myself was something magical and far more touching than the movie could ever produce. All of the poems were a punch to the gut, made me feel something, made me want to create art, and that’s what poetry is supposed to do for you. I may have found my second favorite poet in Allen Ginsberg. This is definitely on my favorite 2017 reads and also in my top 10 favorite books of all time. 

34. Monstress Vol 2: 4.5/5 stars. I agree with the main consensus that the second volume is way better than the first. I actually contemplated getting rid of and stop reading the series because the first volume was very bizarre. But now I’m super invested in it. The story line unfolded in an interesting and made more sense way. The art was gorgeous and dark. THERE WERE SO MANY BADASS WOMEN CHARACTERS. Plus I finally caught on that the cats are called Nekomancer and I’m in love. If you like dark, blood, gore, and creepy storylines, Monstress is a great comic to read. 

35. Furious Love: Elizabeth Taylor, Richard Burton, and the Marriage of the Century. 5/5 stars. I picked this book up back in 2011. I was browsing Barnes and Noble, looking at their new arrival table. I was in 10th grade, newly in high school, and I had watched the movie Cleopatra in my western civilization class. I loved the writing, bought the book, I remember my mom saying “If I had known who the book was about, I wouldn’t have let you bought it.” and I was enjoying myself. Things happened shortly after that had me pausing from reading the book for 6 years. I decided to try to read it over the summer, had summer school, then my beginning of the semester was too crazy to read this book, and after I dropped from one of my classes, I found I had time to read it. I really loved this book. It’s heart wrenching, you feel the love they had for each other, but you also saw the abuse and tragedy that became their relationship. There are only two notes of importance I would say that is this book’s downfall: 1. The book has minor editorial flaws (commas outside of quotes, periods in parenthesis, Earth wasn’t capitalized). 2. The writers are very much infatuated with Richard and Elizabeth, coming to their defense about the scathing reviews. They did a great job, but it also brings into question just how accurate they can be when they’re so emotionally charged about Richard and Elizabeth. If you want to know more about Richard and Elizabeth, how they came to be, their marriage, and how the marriage fell, this is a great book. 

36 + 37: Maus I & II. 5/5 stars. I’ve been wanting to read this collection for years. It has everything I love, history, contrasting colors, and comics. But whenever I found the books, they were full priced and too much for my wallet. Well, a few weeks ago I found the boxset at my local second hand store for 22 bucks. I snatched it. I read the first book on the 29th and the second on the 30th. This, is a heavy story. It’s gut wrenching, it hurts, I nearly cried in book 2, and it’s a poignant story about surviving, the effects of surviving horrible situations, and how it affects your children. The art is beautiful, very symbolic, and doesn't hold back from showing the ugly of WWII. If you want a heavy read to make you think about history and humanity, 100% recommend this comic series.

38. Uncle Remus and Brer Rabbit: 4/5 stars. A classic fairy tale book that I read because one of my friends had it on her shelf and I wanted to read it. It’s very cute, very Peter Rabbit esq. but with more danger and violence to it. It’s not my favorite collection, I didn’t get the warm fuzzies from it, but I did fly through the stories. Though my book is so old that it doesn’t have a publication date and I’m slightly terrified that if it’s from the victorian era that it’s laced with arsenic to make the blue color ahah! But it was cute. A very short fairytale that is chalked full of mythologies of forest creatures and how their distinctive features came to be. 

39. Sword of Destiny (Witcher 1, but technically 2) 5/5 stars.  I’ve been reading this book since the end of October. I don’t know why, but short story compilation books always take me months to read while James Bond takes me 3 days. I think it’s to do with the pacing and the fact the stories tend to be more condensed and I need to think about a book for at least a day before starting a new one. I really enjoyed this book! Having played the games and adored them, I love the character building and foundations in this book! Baby Ciri warms my heart and I fucking called who her parents were in the prologue which I just realized I actually read this year. Much better than “The Last Wish,” and the angsty Yennefer romance just makes the book with its angst and Geralt just hating everything about his life except for Ciri and Yen. 

40. Bing Love: 3/5 stars. I saw a GoFundMe post for this comic book earlier this year and the art is adorable, the plot line got me, and I was so excited to get my copy of this book! I’m torn because on one hand, I love representation and the love story between Hazel and Mari, and the fact the writer took an approach that people had to settle for a fake happiness and how families can be torn apart when you realize they were built on a facade. But there’s a huge pacing problem with this story. It jumps, it skips details, I know this story would have been so much more vibrant with even 20 more pages added to it. Limiting it to 97 pages really killed the vibe of the story. The character development was lackluster, their reactions became unbelievable, and the ending felt so rushed. I would honestly probably give this story 2 stars if it weren’t for the art work making up for where the story lacks. 

41. Call Me By Your Name: 5/5 stars. @haremshame for those who don’t know, was my very first, serious love. They’ve been loving Call Me By Your Name and essentially has become the spokesperson on tumblr for the book. They told me to give this book a listen to (which is something I do not do on the regular), gave me a link, and but I was in the middle of the semester. I think maybe more than a week ago I finally started listening to it, how could I not when your first love tells you the story reminds them of us??? And I have to whole heartedly agree. Call Me By Your Name reminds me very much of the excitement of a first love and the everlasting long heart ache that comes when that first love inevitably ends. I loved this story. I wish I picked up the book and read along with Armie Hammer so I could mark all the passages I loved because there were quotations that made me shiver and hum and felt a literal twist in the gut. I’m not entirely sure how this book will go as an experience for other people since I went in to this reading with heavy expectations and knowing it would remind me of Percy and the specialness of our fumbly, young and naive teenage relationship, makes me heavily biased. But the writing is breathtaking, Armie Hammer does a fantastic job, and the story will have you aching in some form or another. 

[compatipulse-aa-blog]

 @erregent​:

        the one thing he thought the majority of the people still in detroit could agree one was kids had nothing to do with it.

         the bitter detective doesn’t exactly love being around kids but he doesn’t hate them, either. they were the epitome of innocent when shit like the revolution happened. you see a kid and you’re supposed to be sympathetic because since when do they murder something just for not agreeing with your ideals? he doesn’t like the idea of androids looking after kids like they were human but. but kids had nothing to do with it.

         he was quick in looking over the file when it appeared on his desk that morning. not for lack of interest, but the way his gut churned at the specifics made him almost not want to look at the initial scene photos. he gets the gist in the first page. gavin swallows the bilee back like all good cops do, and sets out to do his job.

         the scene is buzzing, almost alive with lights and people and patrol cars. there’s even a bomb squad van parked out front. gavin quickly flashes his badge at the electrical police tape to cross the threshold. the smell is uniquely familiar. a mix of disinfectant and gun powder. he hates the way it makes his nose tickle, but everything was evidence. he remembers the scent as best he can, and finds the android that managed to put himself in charge of this whole thing.

         androids looking after humans and his opinion on the matter wasn’t the point, here. the little girl, these kids, were the point. he remembers that before even thinking about opening his mouth.

         the android speaks first, its weird little red mood light a big tell. gavin eyes the side of the android’s head with a wary gaze before he glances back to the few paramedics that hung around, standing outside and chatting quietly to themselves. does he lie?spare what emotions he doesn’t believe the android is capable of?

         “she’s hurt. bad,” he goes with, “but she’ll live.” that he was told with some certainty. if it brings any comfort, the detective doesn’t care. he’s pulling a small spiral notebook from an inside pocket of his jacket, and then a pen.

         “i need to go over some details with you about what happened, then you can go ask the paramedics about her all you want. you gonna focus, or what?”

She’s hurt badly...       What is the damage is irreversible?             What if she’s damaged for life? Crippled?                     The mental impact would certainly do the trick if not the physical...                               What if her life may as well have been over?                                                                                 It’s all my fault.

                                                                                       Stress Level ⇪ 79%

          “Of course, detective...” The words came smooth and almost cold, as if he weren’t feeling every guilty thought that buzzed through his head. The only hint, the only sign that some sort of emotional disturbance was available past the moroseness of his expression was the blinking red LED. Pulsating like a fast heartbeat, his stress levels only continued to climb.           This man, he seemed so coarse, but if he was tough with Simon, perhaps he would take this case just as seriously. Proceeding with a hardened touch that might be able to draw out the culprits and firmly punish them. Lips pressing into a thin line, eyelids fluttering as an ache crawled through his neural biocomponents, his head would cant in a slightly submissive bow.           “Whatever you need to know, I’ll be happy to share.” A pause, his eyes moving towards the outside as lips parted. Thought held him for a moment, and he wondered if the earlier complaints had ever been kept on file. If those months of struggling, begging for patrols, for assistance, had truly fallen on deaf ears. Certainly his denied appeals would be somewhere but had they really thought so little of his plight?           “I’ll tell you now, your station most likely has numerous reports from me on file but I-- I’m more than happy to cooperate, and give you any information that I can.” Another minor break, as his eyes wandered over the scorched room. This wasn’t a very suitable place for this. “This way, detective... The kitchen is still in one place, we can speak there. If you’d like coffee I can prepare that for you too -- This may be a long conversation.”           With that warning of sorts, he turned on his heel, arms folding tight as he stepped out of the nursery, keeping his pace slow, should the man get lost on the way to the kitchen. Simon needed to change the rooms himself, otherwise his stress would only increase, and he feared his own inability to cope with the reality of the situation just yet. “The air quality in there isn’t something you should spend much time in.” He tacked on with a glance over his shoulder. Perhaps in a way, he could at least win this detective over in his favor.              He dearly hoped.

[abroxus-blog]

Every Disney World and Universal Studios Orlando ride ranked!

           Welcome to my completely subjective ranking of every single ride which was open at Magic Kingdom, Animal Kingdom, Hollywood Studios, Epcot, Universal Studios Florida and Islands of Adventure during my recent Honeymoon there. Since this list is going to include a lot of kiddy rides, feel free to skip ahead a bit past them if you’re looking to read about the good stuff. Enjoy!

83. One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish (Islands of Adventure)

           One First, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish is the Seuss-Land version of the traditional Dumbo Spinner ride. I would not have gone on this ride if I hadn’t made it a goal to go on everything at the 6 parks we visited, and frankly, this is one of only a few rides which made me second-guess that decision. The song that plays as you spin is annoying, the water-spewing fish weren’t spewing water when we were on it, and the cars themselves were kind of creepy. Not only that, but one of the only benefits of a spinner ride like this is the view that you get of a portion of the park, but since this one is set in the far corner of Seuss-land, you really can’t see much of anything. Unless you have a very young kid to entertain whose scared of even the most tame other rides, I wouldn’t recommend this to anyone.

82. Triceratops Spin (Animal Kingdom)

           There is an entire section of Animal Kingdom called Dino Land USA which is themed after county fair boardwalks. This area is filled with carnival games, a couple of old-fashioned rides and some really clever marquees. The whole zone is actually quite lovingly crafted, although it’s an odd inclusion within a park as otherwise gorgeous as Animal Kingdom. Luckily, it doesn’t take away from the charms of the rest of the park since it’s hidden away unless you follow the path to find it. Triceratops Spin is the Dumbo-style spinner attraction in the heart of the area, and while it gives you a decent view of Dino-Land, it can’t help but feel less like a loving homage to a shitty theme park experience and more like, well, a shitty theme park ride. There is so much great stuff around every corner at Animal Kingdom; even for the youngest of kids, that it really feels like this is a waste of time unless your infant really wants to go on it.

81. The High in the Sky Seuss Trolley Ride (Islands of Adventure)

           When I was a kid, I read a lot of Dr. Seuss. I loved his clever made-up words, his bizarre worlds and the boundless imagination of his rhymes. I still think that those books make for a great entrance into reading for young children. Despite really poor rides, I also really like the Seuss-Land area of Islands of Adventure, which is overall really well themed and filled with fun shops with some cool Dr. Seuss Merchandise. I was actually pretty excited to take the trolley ride and get a good view of the area. While the view is adequate, I found the ride pretty intolerable otherwise, with an annoying narrator teaching you the alphabet in a super weird out of order kind of way that as an adult I FOUND needlessly confusing. Unless you have a little kid who you really want to show the view, skip it.

80. Journey Into Imagination with Figment (Epcot)

           I’m struggling with the words to describe my dislike for Journey into Imagination with Figment. I love Dark Rides, which this ride technically is. I also like Wackiness, which this ride is attempting to capitalize on. Hell, I even grew up in the 90s, which this ride is DEFINITELY stuck in (including references to the horrid 90s Flubber remake and Honey I Shrunk the Kids). Regardless, this experience is awful. When I walked into Epcot, I really liked Figment, the park’s adorable purple dragon of imagination mascot. We even took a photo in front of the giant Chef Figment topiary. After this ride, I hated Figment, who seems determined to ruin everything. The basic gist of Journey into Imagination is that you are being taken on a tour of the “Imagination Factory”. Figment, whose voice is startlingly annoying, believes that Imagination should travel beyond the bounds of the real, and diverts the guests from the tour by creating loud noises, disgusting smells, and singing a song that I think is supposed to be catchy, but sounds like a rejected children’s show theme that has been shoved through a shredder and is being played from a sound box deep inside of a squealing pig. I walked away from the ride thinking that we should box up our imagination real tight, since otherwise shit goes wrong. I’m pretty sure is NOT what the ride was aiming for.

79. The Cat in the Hat (Islands of Adventure)

           The Cat in the Hat, like Journey into Imagination, is a bad dark ride, but it’s bad for very different reasons. If Journey into Imagination is awful on a conceptual design level, than The Cat in the Hat is bad purely an execution one. It’s clear while riding it that the Universal Imagineers don’t really have an affinity for dark rides, as your car rushes through various sets in a manic sequence of events. Even though the experience takes you through the plot of the original children’s book, I had a hard time telling exactly what was going on. It doesn’t help that the Cat in the Hat himself is portrayed as nightmarishly terrifying in a Slenderman kind of way. As Seuss-Lands signature ride, it’s unfortunate that there is little to recommend here.

78. Storm Force Accelatron (Islands of Adventure)

           What if you took Walt Disney World’s teacups, removed all of the charming themeing and music, and replaced those with a County Fair quality paint-job and an aggressively bad soundtrack. Now let’s amp it up to eleven, by letting you spin EVEN FASTER. Storm Force Accelatron isn’t so much a BAD ride as it is a complete waste of time, especially since it’s situated right next to the excellent Hulk Coaster and Spiderman ride. Notice the empty vehicles in that photo? The only thing I can say to recommend this ride is that it’s so unpopular that you can probably get on it without a line on most days. I’d suggest taking the hint and skipping it yourself.

77. The Magic Carpets of Aladdin (Magic Kingdom)

           Take the Dumbo ride, add the ability to tilt the vehicle up and down slightly, make it all look more cheaply built, and then place that ride in a spot with a bland view and you have The Magic Carpets of Aladdin. Adventureland is a really cool place, but the central square where this ride is situated is the least interesting part of it, (although you get to see some people enjoying Dole Whips). It’s a safe ride for those with little ones, but if you were going to choose one spinner at Magic Kingdom I’d suggest just heading to Storybook Circus for a go on Dumbo.

76. Caro-Seuss-El (Islands of Adventure)

           The Caro-Seuss-El is a Carousel in Seuss-land. The vehicles are kind of charming, and they each have an interactive element kids can play with during the experience, so that’s fun. Some of the vehicles look a little scuffed up, but otherwise, you know what you and your kids are getting here. Ask yourself the question, do you or your family want to ride a carousel? If the answer is yes, well, here you go.

75. Prince Charming’s Regal Carousel (Magic Kingdom)

           This is a classic ride from the earliest days of the park and, well, it’s totally fine. As you ride you can look around at the center of Fantasyland, and it’s well-maintained. The horses are all individually painted and look really good, and at night, the lighting on it is absolutely gorgeous. It’s just, well, it’s a carousel, and there is one of these things everywhere, so yah.

74. Mad Tea Party (Magic Kingdom)

           Mad Tea Party is an iconic ride from the earliest days of the park which has been replicated at the Disney Theme Parks around the world. With that said, the experience did very little for me. I found the spinner unresponsive and, as a result, the whole experience fairly banal. It doesn’t help that the Alice in Wonderland themeing is pretty, but minimal. As is, it feels like one of those rides everyone goes on once since they are expected to, rather than due to any particular allure. I will most likely skip it the next time I go to Disney World. The best thing about this ride is that the Cheshire Cat Café is right next to it and you can get the most delicious treats there.

73. Woody Woodpecker’s Nuthouse Coaster (Universal Studios Florida)

           At the far edge of Universal Studio Florida’s woefully underdeveloped Kid Zone is this children’s rollercoaster. As a first roller-coaster experience, its okay I guess, although it’s a little bumpier and worse themed than Magic Kingdom’s Barnstormer. If you have young kids who you want to introduce thrill rides to, this should be a decent first step to show how much fun they can be without scaring them. You might have to explain who Woody Woodpecker is though.

72. The Barnstormer (Magic Kingdom)

           As far as “my first roller-coasters” go, the Barnstormer is totally serviceable, with decent Goofy related themeing. With that said, Magic Kingdom now houses the MUCH better “Seven Dwarves Mine Train”, and the only reason why anyone should go on this kiddy coaster instead of that one is queue size. As an adult, I feel no hesitation recommending Seven Dwarves Mine Train, while the Barnstormer, in comparison, is a waste of time for all but the younger guests. 

71. Kang and Kodos Twirl n Hurl (Universal Studios Florida)

           Universal Studio Florida’s small Dumbo-style spinner ride is actually a decent time. While the ride mostly feels like all the other variations, there are a couple of clever twists on the formula here. Firstly, the ride incentivizes you to steer the ship to hit various targets around the sides (although there is no points tally). Secondly, the dialogue, especially of the ride enticing you to join it and Kang and Kodos banter is all really funny. Finally, this short experience is a literal breath of fresh air after the Motion Simulators that make up most of that park’s offering.

70. The Carousel of Progress (Magic Kingdom)

           The Carousel of Progress is a product of the 1967 World Fair, and was intended to show off the evolution of technology within the household, as well as Disney’s incredible (for the time) new animatronics. The fact that the experience has survived until today is surprising since it’s very dated. The animatronics are still cool, and the song “It’s a Great Big Beautiful Tomorrow”, by the Sherman Brothers (who also did the music in Mary Poppins) is catchy and endearing. But these days, the stereotypical 1950s sitcom style “nuclear family” feels really uncomfortably paternalistic. On top of that, each room of the ride is a different technological era, and the final room has been updated to include current technologies like VR, but there is also this MASSIVE leap from 1950s America to 2010s America, whereas earlier the ride was showing evolution decade by decade. It felt like the experience really needed additional rooms to cover its subject. As is though, at over 20 minutes long, the Carousel already outlives its welcome. As a historical curiosity, I found the entire experience interesting, but I didn’t feel a desire to do another round. Parents who brought their kids though seemed to regret, as the children were clearly bored before the first transition even began, and at one point, when a child stood up because he wanted to leave, the lights went on and a voice of god popped in to say that they had to sit down. No ride at Disney World should feel like a prison to children.

69. Gran Fiesta Tour: Starring the Three Caballeros (Epcot)

           Gran Fiesta Tour is a bit of an anomaly. It’s in the heart of the Mexico pavilion, and half the ride is a series of cheap-looking projector images of Donald flying around various Mexican locations (a-la the movie it’s based on), while the other half is a slightly more interesting It’s a Small World knockoff which lacks the artistry of that Magic Kingdom original. The finale, with three kind of shoddy looking animatronics Caballero dolls, is pretty representative of the ride as a whole. I expected better from the entire experience, but it’s a fine way to spend 10 minutes. The Mexico Pavilion it’s housed in is very beautiful though.

68. Doctor Doom’s Fearfall (Islands of Adventure)

           Doctor Doom’s Fearfall is… well, it’s traditional drop tower, the kind of ride you can find in most decent Theme Parks where you get launched in the air, drop down, and then repeat a couple of times. It’s comfortable though, and I like all the 90s Marvel animation themeing in the queue. The ride just doesn’t feel “special” enough to be anything more than a decent time-waster though, especially in a park as full of great stuff as Islands of Adventure.

67. Tomorrowland Speedway (Magic Kingdom)

           Magic Kingdom’s variation on the Disneyland original ride “Autopia” is a decent enough experience. Everyone gets their own little car, which is locked to a rail but you can still steer ever so slightly from side to side. You can determine the vehicles speed using the gas pedal. Trying to make it so that your car never touches the rail as you turn is a lot of the fun. Unfortunately, the entire area smells like Gasoline, the cars are kind of ugly, and either there are some really bad drivers out there or the cars go at slightly different speeds, which meant most of my trip down the Speedway felt like bumper to bumper traffic. The whole ride would benefit from electric cars, some slight rethemeing to make the environment look nicer, and maybe some clever use of lights at night to make the ride stand-out from the pack. As is, this is a really fun ride to take a kid on, and a decent “we should try this one” experience for adults, but nowhere near as special as it’s history and popularity would imply.

66. Liberty Square Riverboat (Magic Kingdom)

           Disney Worlds “Rivers of Adventure” stand-in, which takes off from right near Haunted Mansion in Liberty Square, isn’t anywhere near as elaborate as the equivalent boat ride at Disney Land. As is, it’s a slow leisurely ride around Tom Sawyer Island, with some very simple displays along the edges and fun references to the various rides you pass. The vocal performance is pretty strong, and the boat itself allowed for a nice and relaxing ride, but it all feels a bit too long and by the end I was happy to be back on firm ground and heading to something a little more engaging.

65. Shrek 4-D (Universal Studios Florida)

           Do you like the original Shrek? Do you want to watch a 10 minute Shrek short with some cool 4-D effects that feels like a good direct sequel to it? If you answered yes to both of those questions, then this is a solid enough attraction inside of an air-conditioned little theatre. Our experience was harmed by easily the worst staff-member I’ve seen at any theme park as our “host” (she couldn’t even pronounce the characters names), but once the show began I laughed and giggled a bit. I’d recommend checking it out at least once if you are a fan.

64. Dumbo The Flying Elephant (Magic Kingdom)

           This is so high on this list just because of its history. I had fun riding Dumbo with my wife, and it was nice to get on this iconic ride at least once. Unfortunately, the controls were a little spottier than on some of the more recent variations. The ride also has a really impressive kid-friendly queue where you are provided with an electronic placement so the little ones can enjoy the play-areas around Storybook Circus. The ride is so popular with families that they added a second spinner, which means the queues are never that long anymore. 

63. Swiss Family Robinson Treehouse (Magic Kingdom)

           I don’t know if I would refer to the Swiss Family Robinson Treehouse as a “ride”. but this brief walk-through attraction, in which you climb up into a large recreations of the sets from the 1960s film is a totally fine way to spend 5 minutes. The themeing is all solid enough, and it was nice to climb some stairs and move around for a few minutes. Having never seen the film, I didn’t really feel a strong burst of nostalgia, but I did like seeing recreations of the various knickknacks the family had apparently built out of scavenged material in order to survive the wild. If you are in the area and have a moment, it’s worth the walk.

62. Primeval Whirl (Animal Kingdom)

           Primeval Whirl is traditional (and rickety) mouse coaster which is intended, like all of the Dino-Land attractions, to resemble something you can find at county fair. It’s actually a surprisingly fun little ride which has a lot of fun with that premise. It’s just, with everything else going on at Animal Kingdom, I’m not sure why you would choose to go on a Mouse Coaster instead of, for example, walking an additional five minutes and going on Dinosaur or heading across the Bridge to Expedition Everest. With that said, if you’ve been on those other attraction, or the only fastpass available is for this, it’s totally worth a ride.

61. Flight of the Hippogriff (Islands of Adventure)

           Flight of the Hippogriff is much more in line with a ride like The Barnstormer or Woody Woodpecker’s Nuthouse Coaster than a more traditional thrill ride. This is a short and tame little roller-coaster. However, unlike those two attractions, this one, which is located right next to Hogwarts, is elevated by a lot of really cool themeing. As you queue for the ride you pass by an incredible animatronic Hippogriff, and while on the coaster you’ll see Hargrid’s house. It might not be worth a go if the line is long, but if you can get a shorter queue, definitely jump onboard for a quick trip.  

60. Buzz Lightyear’s Space Ranger Spin (Magic Kingdom)

           This is a real mixed bag of a ride. I love the idea of shooting little lasers at targets for points and am a huge fan of Toy Story. The most impressive thing about the attraction is some of the blacklight paper-cut-out visual design and the amazing Buzz Lightyear animatronic in the queue. Unfortunately, I found the entire shooting mechanic incredibly frustrating. I was never able to tell which red pointer was mine, and the complete lack of feedback when you do hit something left me unsure why I was doing well or badly at any given moment. It’s definitely worth a ride, but Toy Story Mania and the Men in Black ride both do a better job with the same basic concepts.

59. The American Adventure (Epcot)

           The American Adventure is a deeply impressive animatronic show which is heavily hindered by the fact that it’s bullshit propaganda which I have no patience for this year. The ride handles the Civil War without going into any of the reasons why the Civil War happened (the song was good though), and an odd aside about the Native-Americans which ends with an “at least we’re all brothers now” coda seems remarkably tone-deaf. I did love having Mark Twain as one of the hosts and the presentation is immaculate. I am really glad we saw it, but I have no desire to do it again. Just always remember, AMERICA! Spread your wings!

58. The Seas with Nemo and Friends (Epcot)

           The Seas with Nemo and Friends is a dark-ride with minimal use of animatronics. Instead, most of the images are from the Finding Nemo movie itself. Clips from the movie are projected in various nooks and crannies of the sets, which is pretty disappointing in comparison to other attractions at the parks. I would probably rank this ride even lower, except that the show culminates in a joyous final moment. In the last few rooms, as a final song kicks in, the characters are projected onto the walls of actual aquariums at Epcot, which surrounds these animated characters with real aquatic life. It’s a really neat effect, and elevated the ride into something I would recommend trying at least once. I wish the whole experience had been like that.

57. Poseidon’s Fury (Islands of Adventure)

           Have you ever watched an episode of Xena: Warrior Princess and thought to yourself “I wish I was standing about 10 feet away from that terrible acting right now”, well, do I ever have a ride for you. Poseidon’s Fury is half-ride/half-live action show. You are made part of a tour group, being led by an actor, through an archeological dig site. The sets themselves are immaculate (especially the outer façade, which is ridiculously pretty looking), and in our case, we had a really strong performer as our host. Early on, something goes wrong, the lights go out, and you have to follow the actor from room to room as he searches for the Trident of Poseidon in order to fight off an evil god. The attraction includes a lot of really impressive fire and water effects (there is a spinning water tunnel you have to go through at one point that makes the ride instantly worth the line). Unfortunately, once you start getting to actors on screen playing various gods the whole things takes a turn for the awful. For a ride whose sets and effects look like they cost a ton of money, a lot of these pre-filmed segments feel like third-rate extras that were shoved into costumes put together by their moms for Halloween. It really does feel like you are in the middle of a bad episode of Hercules. We both found the entire experience, including the ending, incredibly entertaining in a so-bad it’s good kind of way, and we both loved all the visual effects, but it’s a long wait and you need to be in the mood for something heavy on the cheese. We also got kind of lucky with the guide, and if you ended up with someone worse, this attraction could become an unpleasant slog in a hurry.

56. Turtle Talk with Crush (Epcot)

           If you have a little kid, just ignore that this is #55, and go see this. This attraction is amazing on a purely technical level. Everyone sits in a little room (with the youngest kids sitting cross legged on the floor in the front) while Crush, the Sea Turtle from Finding Nemo, talks to them. Behind the scenes, an actor performs the voice and lip synching. The actor also can see the audience, which lets him address some of the little kids by their clothing (and eventually name) in order to ask them questions and in turn, answer questions for them. A lot of this comes across as adorable improvisation. As an adult, I was sitting there deeply impressed by the technology, and also really amused by how the actor goaded kids into asking questions, and skillfully handled shy little ones and various interruptions. He clearly had incredible training on how to handle most things a kid will do, and there are various tools at his disposal that he can use to distract from a difficult question. At one point when a kid asked to meet his wife for instance, he pressed a button so the turtle went away and then came back and did a different mo-cap performance with a fake “female” voice, before cracking up and going “sorry I couldn’t keep that up, she’s not here. She’s off playing with the little ones right now”. It was clever and had us all laughing. You could tell these kids believed in him, and were eating it up, and frankly, that makes it worth seeing once, even if you don’t have a little one who can be part of the interactions.

55. Jungle Cruise (Magic Kingdom)

           I really wanted to enjoy Jungle Cruise more than I did (it’s obviously one of the most iconic, and oldest, rides at Magic Kingdom), but the two experiences we had on this pun-filled river outing left me rather flat. We saw the “Jingle Cruise” variation of the ride, which had a little bit of extra Christmas themeing everywhere, but both of our guides were pretty weak, stumbling through their puns with very little enthusiasm. I’d want to give it another ride to see if a better guide would improve the experience, but as is, Jingle Cruise was enjoyable enough, but left me rather cold overall.

54. Star Wars Launch Bay (Hollywood Studios)

           I really struggled with whether to include this since I’m not sure if I would count the Launch Bay as a “ride” per-se, but considering the lack of attractions at Hollywood Studios right now, it feels appropriate. There is a ton of Star Wars material all over Disney’s mid-evolution park, including two live shows which rotate every 30 minutes, a kid’s show, a short film which recaps the original trilogy, and The Star Wars Launch Bay. The Launch Bay is where people go for most of the Star Wars Meet and Greets (if you want to get a photo with Rey, Kylo Ren, BB-8 or Chewbacca you can come here), but it also has a second wing. On that side of the Launch Bay, you can watch an eight minute behind the scenes documentary on the series. This documentary is updated annually with people who are involved in the current slate of TV shows, books, comics, videogames and the most recent film. I found the documentary rather moving, even though it hadn’t been updated from Rogue One yet. After that, you’re dropped into a museum filled with props, concept art and models of various vehicles and planets from both the original films and the most recent ones. I loved walking around and taking a look at all this stuff. Overall, if you love Star Wars, it’s worth taking a look whether you want to do the photo-ops or not.

53. Tom Sawyer Island (Magic Kingdom)

           If I had been eight when I first went to Tom Sawyer Island, I would have loved this place more than nearly anything else at the park. In order to reach the island, you have to take a raft from Frontier Land. Once you arrive though, you find yourself in what amounts to a giant exploration-focused all-ages playground. There are various paths that lead to dark caves (which are actually pretty hard to see in and get, at times, so tight that I had to shimmy sideways through them) and old-forts, which include animatronic animals and, kind of weirdly, fake guns that you can use to pretend to shoot at people in other parts of the park. I loved crossing the various bridges, exploring the side trails, and traveling through the various caverns, all of which are themed slightly different from one another. And if you do have a young kid, most areas feel constructed to allow unstructured play. A game of tag in the caverns sure does sound like a lot of fun. I imagine on days where it does get crowded though that some of this could start to feel a tad claustrophobic. Regardless, if you have a little extra time after riding the attractions you can’t miss, even as an adult, it’s worth crossing for a relaxing stroll.

52. Peter Pan’s Flight (Magic Kingdom)

           Peter Pan’s Flight is obviously an iconic original Disneyland attraction, and it’s the oldest dark ride at Disney World. From a historical perspective it has a ton of value, and the lines for the ride (which rarely dips below 90 minutes) demonstrate just how much families want to share that classic Disney Magic with their kids. It’s unfortunate then that, beyond the initial moments of flight, which still feel really impressive, the ride itself is only okay. While most Disney World rides use sound placement to tell a singular story, clips from the Peter Pan soundtrack play in a massive loop as you swoop and soar around Neverland, which leads to a fair amount of repetition. The animatronics, likewise, are all rather primitive, and feel like they need some refurbishment. The final experience is also very short. We fastpassed the experience, and it was worth doing once that way, but I think I would have been kind of pissed off if I’d spent 90 minutes in line to ride it.

51. Astro Orbiter (Magic Kingdom)

A quick glance at pictures of Astro Orbiter can make this ride look like a traditional spinner. In reality, the ride is a little bit faster, and tilts a bit to the side as you spin. With that said, the ride doesn’t spin fast enough to thrill, but just enough to lead to nausea. Regardless, as one of the highest points in Magic Kingdom, the Astro Orbiters definitely get a great view of the park, which makes it a must ride at least once.

50. The Simpsons Ride (Universal Studios Florida)

           The Simpsons ride is the oldest Motion Simulator at Universal Studios Florida, and you can definitely tell. While the ride’s façade, queue, and entire Springfield area are really fun (and have some laugh-out-loud funny jokes), once you reach the final seats, you are, in the style of classic attractions like Back to the Future, simply raised in the air and swerved, dropped, tilted and bumped based on the action on screen. While other rides will blow wind into your face to simulate movement, or let loose a smell at a specific point etc, this ride simply moves. The actual motion simulated experience is fun, and the Simpsons “movie” is really entertaining, although it uses 3-D Simpsons models that don’t look “right”. I would have preferred if they had fun with the 2-D aesthetic of the show.  As a big classic Simpsons fan, I personally had fun with the attraction, although it felt stuck in the past in a way other rides at Universal don’t. My wife though, who suffers from motion sickness, was nauseated more by this experience than any other ride at any of the parks, and since we did it so early, it meant that other rides were triggering her nausea much worse throughout the day. Those 4-D effects, or even the use of real movement like on some of the newest rides, can really help alleviate those problems, and it’s unfortunate that The Simpsons hasn’t been modernized at all in recent years.

49. Transformers the Ride 3-D (Universal Studios Florida)

           Do you like Transformers? If so, you’re probably going to like this ride a lot more than I did. This attraction is basically the Spiderman ride if instead of flying through an episode of that 90s cartoon you were in a transforming vehicle in the middle of one of the Transformers movies. Technically this ride is incredibly impressive, making amazing use of both the motion simulation systems and a full track for the vehicles. The interaction between the screen and the vehicles is a big improvement over Spider-Man, especially since, unlike on that ride, you are more of an active participant. The main reason why this isn’t higher on the list is that I just really hate the Transformers movies. I had no idea what was going on during that entire ride. I didn’t know who was fighting who, or why I should care. The ride’s stated goal is to make you feel like a participant in one of the final battles in a Transformers movie, and it undeniably succeeds at that. The problem is, I hate the final battles in the Transformers movies.

48. Kali River Rapids (Animal Kingdom)

           Kali River Rapids is a solid-enough water ride. You won’t get very wet, but the scenery is gorgeous and while the “anti-logging” messaging is a bit on the nose, I’ll allow it. I had fun. With that said, even only a few weeks since we’ve last ridden it, I can’t really recall that much about the experience beyond that. On a hot day, it’s a fun relaxing ride, and it would be nice to have a second experience on it. Just don’t expect it to be one of the more memorable experiences at Animal Kingdom.

47. Dudley Do Right’s Ripsaw Falls (Islands of Adventure)

           Take Walt Disney World’s Splash Mountain. Replace the incredible Song of the South inspired themeing and replace it with a fun-enough Dudley Do-Right adventure. Then, instead of simply giving you a really fun drop photo-op with a chance of getting wet, make that final drop as wet as humanely possible. Spray the guest from every angle at once. Make sure that there is no escape from the onslaught of water. That’s Dudley Do Right’s Ripsaw Falls in a nutshell. It’s a fun dark ride that will get you totally soaked at the end. On a hot day, I highly recommend taking it for a spin.

46. Walt Disney Presents (Hollywood Studios)

           Walt Disney Presents is less a ride than it is a walk-through museum attraction. It’s really interesting though, and definitely worth a look. The first half of the fairly large display focuses on Walt’s childhood, and the evolution of his company from the earliest shorts into the Film/TV/Theme Park Empire they had become by the time of Walt’s death. Some of the oldest Mickey Mouse toys are on display, as well as examples of old animatronics, some early animation technology, and fun memorabilia like Walt’s desk from grade school. The second half of the museum focuses on the future of the parks, with displays explaining the new expansions at Disney World and Shanghai Disney, as well as concept art of some of the upcoming rides. This section is planned to be changed on an annual basis, much like the Star Wars Launch Bay, to reflect all future expansions. A final room has a display for whatever big upcoming Disney release is on its way, including concept art, models and props. The display while we were there was for Coco, and the art on display was really cool. On top of that, for each new release they showcase they do a seven minute reel of behind the scenes information and film clips which you can only watch at the park. I read every display in the museum and had a lot of fun looking around in here, and highly suggest it if you have a chance to visit Hollywood Studios and have a little time to kill while waiting for a fast pass.

45. Mickey’s Philharmagic (Magic Kingdom)

           Mickey’s Philharmagic is absolutely worth seeing once while you’re at Magic Kingdom. In this 4-D show, Donald Duck loses Mickey’s magical hat, and is forced to hop between movies in order to find it, invading some of the most iconic musical sequences from the 90s. Expect to get a little wet while Under the Sea plays in the background, have Simba pop out of a flower 5 inches from your face, and go on a magic carpet ride through Agrabah. Donald Duck keeps it all funny, all the songs are great, and the lines are never super long. We saw it twice and enjoyed it both times.

44. Walt Disney’s Enchanted Tiki Room (Magic Kingdom)

           I expected to feel the same way about the Enchanted Tiki Room as I do about the Carousel of Progress. I thought it was going to be an interesting experience from a historical perspective, but a rather dull show. I was pleasantly surprised to find myself enjoying the entire experience quite a bit. The Enchanted Tiki Room famously innovated in regards to Audio-Animatronic designs, with its various birds all singing songs from the perches around the room. What I didn’t realize was that at a certain point, the room as a whole begins to sing to you, from the birds, to the moai statues, to the plants. The songs are all very traditional 60s Disney numbers, but there is something really charming and magical about the whole thing. The show also still works for kids. While some of the older attractions appeal mainly to Disney-History focused adults, the little ones in our group were all so excited by everything singing from all the sides. It was a really memorable little experience that I feel very happy to have experienced.

43. The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh (Magic Kingdom)

           My favorite memories of Disney Land when I was a very young kid were going on the dark rides (like Mr. Toad’s Wild Ride). There aren’t as wide a collection of them in Fantasyland at Magic Kingdom as there still are at Disneyland, but out of the various ones in Orlando, The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh is one of the better ones. The interactive queue looks like a ton of fun for the little ones, and the ride itself is a short trip through the plot of the original film. I like the section where the cart bounces, and the Huffalump song near the end. This is a gentle and adorable experience that is likely to be one of the best bets for families with very young children.

42. Under the Sea: Journey of the Little Mermaid (Magic Kingdom)

           Continuing off of Winnie the Pooh, Under the Sea is a family Dark Ride in Fantasyland which traces the plot of the Little Mermaid. After taking a quick dip into the ocean (through a very clever use of temperature control and audio-visual elements), your cart will travel past a chorus of “Under the Sea”, an unbelievably impressive Ursula animatronic, the poor unfortunate souls squirming on the sea floor and finally back up to land. Some of the ride’s animatronics can feel a little too plasticy (for lack of a better word), but if you have any affection for the original film, the various sights and special effects are a lot of fun (especially scuttle) and the whole thing ends before it wears off it’s welcome. If you have kids, this is a must ride, but even for adults who grew up on those 90s films, this is worth at least one trip under the sea.

41. Muppet Vision 3-D (Hollywood Studios)

           Do you like the Muppets? If you answered yes, than you’ll almost certainly enjoy Muppet Vision 3-D. The entire experience is a lot of fun, and comparable in quality to the original episodes. The show is actually one of Disney World’s first experiments with 3-D and while it looks good, there is a lot of “look at this thing get close to your face” gimmickiness to it. On top of that the one computer generated character is used in many of the show’s 3-D experiments, and he’s the single worst aspect of the entire experience. But he never really drags down what is otherwise a joyous ode to the characters past. The show gets especially fun when it starts using the real life theatre as part of the act. For example, the music is provided by animatronic penguins in the front row, while Waldorf and Sattler sit on the balcony hanging above the audience commenting on the action. At one point a real Muppet-costumed performer even shows up on stage for a moment. As a whole, the show is a lot of fun, although it needs to be updated a bit for the modern day. The sad thing is that the entire Muppet section of Hollywood Studios is now hidden away in a corner, and frankly, the fact that the Muppet store there has no Muppet merchandise (except for one shirt), and a ton of the area is covered in scrim heavily implies to me that it might be gone entirely by the next time I return. Hopefully the Muppet “Great Moments in American History” segments at Magic Kingdom (which are HILARIOUS) will stay or be expanded regardless.

40. Living with the Land (Epcot)

           Living with the Land is a slow boat ride that gives you a glimpse of Disney’s greenhouse, where they grow all their own produce and do their own aquaculture. It was a bit weird following up an entire section about how they produce fruits and veggies in ways that are more efficient with fewer chemicals only to see a room with thousands of fish with no space to swim, but regardless, I found the experience both educational and a lot of fun. I especially liked how they put little signs near the various produce in order to show what dishes they were being used in at the Food and Wine Festival that was going on while we were there. I can’t imagine this ride will keep children engaged, but as an adult I really enjoyed it. I’d be especially interested in taking the longer behind-the-scenes tour of the greenhouse sometime in the future.

39. Spaceship Earth (Epcot)

           The beating heart of Epcot houses one of the park’s original flagship attractions “Spaceship Earth”. This slow dark ride takes you on a time-travelling trip through the earliest days of human invention, past the Renaissance, into the computer age and finally onwards to a hopeful glimpse of the future. The ride epitomizes what Epcot is all about, entertaining guests, educating them and hopefully pushing some attendants into fields where they work towards a better tomorrow. The ride is a bit dated, and the entire experience is a bit too long, but no trip to Epcot would be complete without going on this at least once.

38. Men in Black: Alien Attack (Universal Studios Florida)

           Men in Black: Alien Attack is Universal’s version of the Buzz Lightyear ride from Disney World. Like that ride, you’re handed a blaster at the start, and you’ll gain points for hitting various targets throughout the dark ride. Unlike at Disney World, the targets in this case are full animatronic aliens who are hiding throughout a really well-themed New  York dark ride. A few of these aliens will even react when they get hit; dropping down into the garbage bins they are hiding in or spinning briefly in a circle. Some of these aliens will also shoot you if you don’t hit them first, which will spin your own cart briefly. The entire encounter ends in what amounts to a giant boss fight where you get a huge point modifier for taking out the lead alien. The ride’s a lot of fun, although, like with Buzz Lightyear, it’s sometimes hard to tell what your hitting, especially with so many red pointers from the various karts all aiming for the same targets. My wife also found the spinning both nauseating and unnecessary. Personally, I think the experience is a big improvement over the Walt Disney World variation.

37. Tomorrowland Transit Authority: PeopleMover (Magic Kingdom)

           I’m sure you’re thinking “why would you put the Tomorrowland monorail so high on this list”. Honestly, while the PeopleMover isn’t going to thrill anyone, it’s a really relaxing, largely shaded trip over Tomorrowland with a fast-moving, often quite short line. It’s a great way to get out of the sun. More importantly than that, it serves as an incredible introduction to Tomorrowland, explaining the various attractions in this section of the park, giving you a quick glimpse inside of Space Mountain and Buzz Lightyear and serving as a teaser for all the fun you’re about to have. I wish every part of Magic Kingdom had an attraction like this, which can help make the various “lands” feel more like full and complete worlds. If you have the time, I’d really recommend taking a quick jaunt on this as a tone setter before heading off to do the various other excellent rides in Tomorrowland.

36. It’s Tough to be a Bug (Animal Kingdom)

           A Bug’s Life is one of my least favorite Pixar movies, so I was pretty hesitant about this 4-D show. Thankfully, it turned out to be a really pleasant surprise. Like with all the 4-D shows at Disney World, the 3-D effects and smells (to represent putrid insects), wind effects (to represent stingers flying by you) and motion (including one incredibly cool moments where the chairs make it feel like roaches are crawling on your seat) are all a lot of fun. The show also takes place in the Tree of Life, which gives you a great view of all the immaculate carvings both inside and outside of Animal Kingdom’s centerpiece. There are also a couple of incredible animatronics (the Hopper one is INSANE) and a really awesome moment when spiders seem to be coming from the roof. On top of all that, the line is always very short. This is a great way to escape the rain or heat for a little while.

35. Race through New York Starring Jimmy Fallon (Universal Studios Florida)

           Let me preface this description by saying, I’m not particularly fond of Jimmy Fallon. I’ve watched very little of his show, but what I have seen hasn’t really impressed me. He’s… alright. This ride though is just… so weird. This is the newest attraction at Universal Studios, and you can tell that they’ve really put everything they’ve learned about motion simulators into it. Despite being a stationary theatre set-up, there are moments which achieve a sense of weightlessness, other moments in which your vehicle feels ever so slightly nudged and others where you feel you’re going down a rollercoaster trail at a hundred miles per hour. The ride itself is, well, it’s bonkers. You chase Jimmy Fallon to space at one point, and there is a King Kong sized bear mascot. Some of the jokes are pretty funny, but others really miss (including one recurring gag where Fallon plays a young spoiled girl that… I guess it’s a reference to his show and I just don’t get it). I’m honestly not sure, even now; if the ride was really good or really bad, but I do know that it’s definitely a must-ride at least once. What I can say for sure is that the queue experience, which has you sitting in a waiting room filled with interactive experiences and screens playing clips, is great.

34. Star Tours: The Legend Continues (Hollywood Studios)

           Star Tours is one of the first Motion Simulator rides, but you wouldn’t be able to tell that by riding it today. In 2010, the entire experience was revamped in celebration of Disney’s purchase of Lucasfilm. The new version of Star Tours includes more comfortable seating, more animatronics in the queue and on the ride itself, and a completely new motion simulated adventure. The current version has several distinct advantages and disadvantages compared to other Motion Simulators though. On the one hand, unlike other modern motion simulators, your vehicle is completely stationary, and also includes no 4-D effects. Since you are supposed to be in an aircraft, there are no gusts of air that will help alleviate motion sickness, which means that if simulators tend to bother you, this one definitely will. But, on the other hand, if you are fine with them, Star Tours is an excellent one, with a fun adventure to various worlds which fully embraces the series history. Each time you ride it, the experience will be different as well, since the trip chooses randomly from a variety of different planetary destinations, and the simulation is completely different for each one. Lately, the ride has been updated with one new world each year, in celebration of the new films. During out trip, a rebel spy was spotted onboard our ship by an Imperial Probe Droid and to escape we rode through the depths of Jakku before ending up in a battle against AT-ATs on Crait, one of the new planets from The Last Jedi. In contrast, you might escape from Darth Vader alongside the Millennium Falcon before ending up in the battle on Hoth and finishing up on Naboo. There are currently eleven different segments, and you’ll experience three of them each time you ride. If you’re a Star Wars fan who isn’t prone to motion sickness, this is an incredible celebration of the films which is worth at least a couple of trips.

33. Revenge of the Mummy (Universal Studios Florida)

           Revenge of the Mummy is a solid indoor roller-coaster/dark-ride hybrid that is a tremendous amount of fun. The ride starts as a traditional Dark Ride, taking you past various creepy sights within a Dark Tomb. At one point, the lights go out, mummies rise from the grave, and the ride transforms into a roller-coaster as you struggle to escape. As you speed past various obstacles the cart will at one point even travel backwards. It’s a short, intense and uncomfortably bumpy experience which at times resembles a more narrative driven Space Mountain. It’s unfortunate then that this ride culminates in such an odd final gag, with a really dumb Brendan Frasier joke which sits at complete odds with the rest of the experience. As a whole, Revenge of the Mummy is a great alternative to Universal Studio Florida’s overwhelming amounts of Motion Simulators, and a must-ride. It just lacks the consistency and burst of magic which could make it part of my top 

32. Dinosaur (Animal Kingdom)

           Despite the decision to (very loosely) theme this ride after easily the worst film of the Disney Animated Canon, Dinosaur is an excellent dark ride/thrill ride hybrid. I wish it was the Indiana Jones ride (like at Disneyland), but if that’s not an option this is a good side-grade. There are a couple of cool thrills (including a very impressive looking T-Rex), a silly but fun time-travelling narrative and a great (albeit cheesy) queue experience. In retrospect, it’s odd we didn’t get to give it a second go, and I hope it’s still around when we come back so I can try it again.

31. Despicable Me: Minion Mayhem (Universal Studios Florida)

           Despicable Me: Minion Mayhem is my favorite stationary Motion Simulator at any of the Orlando Parks, and I say that as someone who, let’s say, isn’t necessarily fond of the Despicable Me franchise. I just found this simulator experience, in which you get transformed into a Minion and forced into various trials, really adorable. The sense of bouncing, jumping and being nudged is all surprisingly convincing, and the actual video was fun enough that it made me… well… like the Minions a little bit more. If you hate these little yellow guys, I’d still skip the ride, but if you want to try a fun motion simulator and have either kids or a remote fondness for the films, I highly recommend the experience.

30. Relaunched! Mission: Space (Epcot)

           Mission Space is pretty much two rides in one, with the queue splitting into two completely separate experiences. The Green Side is considered the “tame ride” and takes you on a quick motion simulator journey just outside of Earth’s atmosphere, with a voice helpfully telling you what countries or places you are passing at any given moment. Visually, Green Side is really impressive, and it causes very little nausea. The Orange side is consider the more intense experience, and takes you through space, hypersleep and finally into a crash-landing on Mars. This version of the ride is actually going to hit you with some significant G-Forces and is easily the most intense attraction at Disney World. Both versions of the ride give every one of the four people in your pod a specific job (at various points a voice will say things like “Navigator, hit manual controls” and that person has to click a button), and end with a section in which everyone is supposed to take manual control together of the ship. If the Orange side is the more impressive ride from a physical stand-point, Green side is the better visual experience. I’d recommend trying both, although even with a fast pass the lines at Mission Space seem to move very slowly.

29. Soarin’ (Epcot)

           Soarin’ isn’t a particularly exciting ride, but this attraction, which lifts your group into the air above a giant screen and uses motion controls to make you feel as if you’re hang-gliding over some of the world’s most gorgeous settings, is an impressively fun experience. I didn’t find the motion simulation especially impressive, but from a purely visual standpoint, there is nothing quite like sweeping over grand vistas, and the screen is beautifully clear. I found the transitions from location to location, with your craft passing through mist and then appearing somewhere else in the world, a tad distracting, but spent the entire journey in awe of the majesty of the world we live in. Definitely give it a ride.

28. E.T. Adventure (Universal Studios Florida)

           E.T. Adventure is what I think families believe Peter Pan’s Flight will be. It’s an old-fashioned Dark Ride experience that captures the magic of classic cinema. This attraction stands up way better than I expected, with a fun jungle queue, excellent bike-style vehicles, and an exciting sensation of initial flight that rivals the start of Peter Pan. Unlike that ride though, the rest of the experience mostly stands up to modern scrutiny, with a fun escape from the police culminating into a trip to E.T.’s homeworld filled with odd creatures. The one downside, some of those creatures are pretty awful looking though. Luckily, the final gimmick, in which E.T. personally thanks the various members of your group by name before landing, is really clever. This ride no longer exists in California, and I feel like it might not be long for this world in Orlando either, so if you have a chance to take it for a spin, it’s a must-ride.

27. It’s a Small World (Magic Kingdom)

           I know this ride is the butt of a lot of jokes (with its endlessly looping and incredibly catchy song earning most of the ire), but It’s a Small World is a charming ride through a child-like and stunningly crafted arts and crafts world. The various sets are all beautifully designed, with tons of animatronic variety. I would have loved the ride even more if we hadn’t gotten stuck near the end of it the second time through, which left me with that song stuck in my head and little desire to take it for another spin. Regardless, this is a classic attraction for a reason.

26. Harry Potter and the Forbidden Journey (Islands of Adventure)

           Islands of Adventure’s signature Harry Potter ride is a solid-enough experience with some pretty notable problems. After an absolutely incredible queue experience, with each room filled with video presentations, moving portraits and moments of real magic for fans of the book, riders are placed onto floating benches. The rest of the experience is an odd dark-ride motion simulator hybrid where your benches will sway, drop and swing wildly as you experience some screen-based flight bits (which include the actors from the original film) and dark ride segments including giant creepy spiders, dementors and various evil beasts. The entire experience, when you include the queue, is, as a fan, an awful lot of fun, but it’s a ride whose seams are very visible. The screens, for example, are really quite blurry, and unlike most other motion rides, are entirely 2-D, since the carts swing so wildly in the air that I imagine losing your glasses would be a real possibility. Meanwhile, the dark ride bits, while very fun, show their machinery a little too much, with the giant metal beams that hold the Dementors being visible for example. Some of this does hurt the magic, but honestly, the entire experience is so wild and unique, that I still really enjoyed it. I will say that personally, it’s the one ride at either park that left me really close to vomiting from all the bobbing and swinging in mid air. So take that into account.

25. Jurassic Park: River Adventure (Islands of Adventure)

           As a fan of Jurassic Park, this ride was a whole lot of fun. The start of the experience is a slow dark-ride/flume-ride hybrid past various dinosaurs which both captures some of the majesty of the first film’s introduction and functions as an educational dinosaur travelogue. Than, like the film, about halfway through things start to go wrong, and your boat goes off course past various killer dinosaurs. The culminating T-Rex drop is a real highlight, and while the final splash doesn’t quite reach the heights of Splash Mountain, the experience as a whole met my high expectations.

24. Pirates of the Caribbean (Magic Kingdom)

           It feels like blasphemy to have Pirates of the Caribbean even just THIS LOW on my list, but I have some nitpicks with this classic Disney attraction. I absolutely adore most of this ride (particularly the first drop, and the incredible raid sequence that takes place right afterwards) and the animatronic pirates are all a lot of fun. I just really don’t like the new additions over the past few years. I have no problem with Disney changing the pirate-auction sequence (the scene currently has pirates auctioning off damsels as their wives, and it is a little squirm-inducing on a children’s ride), but all the additional Jack Sparrow stuff, in which he is Where’s Waldoing through the carnage, feels a little weak. The original ride was all about pirates raiding a town, while the new one is about Jack Sparrow sneaking through the carnage to break into the vault. I like the first few Pirates movies, but I wish that they had left that character out of the original ride.

23. Affection Station (Animal Kingdom)

           This is so high on my list just because of the sheer delight my wife had as we gave goats brushey brusheys. A bunch of really cute animals (including a surly pig), some decent cover for them, lots of food and plenty of brushes made for a delightful 15 minutes. In order to get to the affection station, you have to take the Wildlife Express Train, so it’s a bit of a trek, but if brushing cute animals makes you as happy as it does us, than you should do that. We didn’t check out the conservation station nearby, but that might also make the trip a little less painful.

22. Na’Vi River Journey (Animal Kingdom)

           The Na’Vi River Journey ride at Animal Kingdom is the newest dark ride at any of the parks, and from a technical perspective, the only ride that rivals it is Flight of Passage. This slow water ride will take you through the Bio-Luminescent forest from the first Avatar film. There is real magic to the sheer amount of life in the environment around you, achieved by projections and some of the best lighting effects at the park. The entire ride is beautiful, and when the song starts to kick in, and you catch sight of Disney Worlds most impressive animatronic (the Na’Vi shaman, who looks utterly real), it’s hard not to be transported to another place. Unfortunately, since it’s a new ride, lines for Na’Vi River Journey rarely dipped below two hours while we were there, and as beautiful as it is, this no thrills, low narrative boat tour will doubtlessly underwhelm some people after such a long wait. We loved it though.

21. Frozen Ever After (Epcot)

           Frozen Ever After is one of the most impressive Dark ride at any of the Orlando parks, with some absolutely gorgeous animatronics (the Olaf one at the start is utterly convincing), some terrific visual effects work on the walls, and an incredible finale. I loved everything about this ride, and from the excited sounds of the children around us, I wasn’t the only one. I would not be surprised if it goes higher on the list after I’ve had a chance to ride it again next time.

20. Test Track (Epcot)

           This is the ride at Disney World I most wished I could have ridden one more time. On Test Track, halfway through the Queue everyone gets placed in front of a tablet and you’re asked to design your own car. You can choose various parts, all of which have an impact on efficiency, speed and handling. Once the actual ride starts, you pop into a default vehicle, and your car is taken through various tests. You’ll twist and turn around quick corners, make a sudden stop, and in the culminating moment, take a high speed trip around the titular “test track”. Your vehicle will be ranked for it’s various capabilities after each test, and at the end, you’ll be given a specific score and compared to both everyone else within your group and the best cars of any given day. The ride would be a lot of fun even without this gimmick, but it all comes together in one of the most unique rides in Orlando. The final room, which like most Epcot attractions includes a ton of play activities for kids, includes a bit where you can even create an ad for your vehicle based on its various strengths and weaknesses. It’s all very neat.

19. Seven Dwarfs Mine Train (Magic Kingdom)

           Seven Dwarfs Mine Train is one of Disney World’s newest rides, and is intended to serve as a halfway point between a kiddy coaster like The Barnstormer and something a little more thrilling like Big Thunder Mountain. This combination dark ride and roller-coaster, in which you can actively bounce your car around as you ride, is a tremendous amount of fun, with just enough thrills to keep adults excited, and a smooth enough rides that the younguns likely won’t be too scared. The ride alternates well between its various elements, with dark-ride moments filled with comedy and songs from the film leading directly into the thrills. It’s a terrific rollercoaster for kids, and I think it will solidify its place as an iconic Disney World rides in years to come. It’s another experience which may rise in my own listings once queues get shorter and it’s easier to pop on it another time or two.

18. Kilimanjaro Safaris (Animal Kingdom)

           This attraction is the heart of Animal Kingdom. Kilimanjaro isn’t so much of a ride as it is a tour of Animal Kingdom’s gorgeous safari. There are tons of animals to see here, and the tour guide we had was incredible at pointing out even the ones who seemed the most hidden away. Disney gives these animals a lot of space to wander and be themselves, which removes a lot of the negative feelings I sometimes have towards zoos. Do yourself a favor though and take the tour early, the animals have little hiding places where they can shelter themselves and in the midday heat you’ll probably see a lot less of them out and about than we did.

17. Monsters Inc. Laugh Floor (Magic Kingdom)

           When we first walked into the Laugh Floor, and sat through the pre-show sequence, I felt pretty sure I was in for something that really wouldn’t appeal to me as an adult. I love both Monsters movies, but the jokes in the waiting room struck me as particularly unfunny. But then we sat down, and the show started, and I’ve got to be honest, I laughed SO hard. Monsters Inc. Laugh Floor is an interactive Improv show in which some members of the audience are forced to participate. The “monsters” that are doing their acts on screen, are, like Crush in the “Turtle Talk” attraction, entirely motion captured characters. Actors behind the scenes are watching the audience and listening to what they say as they do their comic performances, in a way that reminded me a lot of the Black Mirror episode The Waldo Effect. The comedians will regularly turn their camera on an audience member to make a joke, or force a volunteer into a comic back and forth. The try-outs for a role in this show must be challenging, since both times we went, the improve skills on the performers were incredible, with the show only getting funnier when an audience member didn’t respond (the deadpan “that’s different” when one of the monsters asked a crowd member to dance and he did a fake little dance with his hand instead of standing up left me in stitches). There is a kid-centric segment as well, in which children are asked to provide their own jokes, but once again the performers make the entire sequence work for everyone in the audience. We went twice, and the second time they completely changed up the first act and only one joke was otherwise repeated. This is a genuinely fun show and from a technological perspective, the way they are handling animation on the fly is mind-blowing.

16. Skull Island: Reign of Kong (Islands of Adventure)

           In Islands of Adventure’s newest ride, Skull Island: Reign of Kong, guests are seated inside of a large moving truck, driven by an animatronic in the front seat, and taken deep into the titular Skull Island, from Peter Jackson’s King Kong remake. The ride itself is a dark-ride, motion-simulator hybrid, with 3-D screens surrounding the moving vehicle during the majority of the experience. Very quickly, things start to go wrong during your voyage as horrifying insects whisk away one of the researchers, dinosaurs attack and eventually the giant gorilla himself shows up. The greatest parts of the ride surround the Motion Simulated stuff. The Queue is amongst the best in Orlando, and actually includes real-live performers who will scare you, and an incredible looking native animatronic. The entrance of the ride uses forced perspective to create a sense that Skull Island goes off far into the distance, and is utterly convincing. The end of the experience includes easily the best animatronic in Orlando, a full-sized breathing King Kong head that is stunning. The Motion Simulated segment is fun, but also doesn’t really sell some of the movement (especially a moment where your vehicle is swinging on vines). While that’s unfortunate, some of the water effects are pretty neat and it’s awesome to have two separate screens on each side, which do make you feel like you’re in a full sized “world” rather than sitting in a moving theatre. Overall, the experience is one of the best at Universal, despite some minor nitpicks.

15. Toy Story Mania (Hollywood Studios)

           Toy Story Mania takes the core score mechanic from Buzz Lightyear and perfects it. Riders are provided with 3-D glasses and seated in various vehicles. In front of each person is a Pop Gun which fires when you pull on a string. Your cart is then moved from screen to screen to play various midway attractions. In Woody’s game for example, you have to shoot various targets, while in another you have to throw rings around aliens and in another you have to pop balloons. The game barely pauses between activities, stopping only to show you your respective scores before moving your cart to the next experience. All of the games are based on Midway staples, but the screens are full of life, with characters darting through the action, tons of cute animations and lots of opportunities to earn bonus points. You are competing against the other people in your cart, and my wife and I became competitive very quickly. The whole thing is more fun than it sounds, and was so good that we willingly waited in line for an hour in order to do it a second time. We’d have done a third tie-breaking round if we had the time.

14. Hollywood Rip Ride Rock-It (Universal Studios Florida)

           The Hollywood Rip Ride Rock-It isn’t as well themed as any of the other roller coasters at Disney Parks, nor is it as exciting as The Incredible Hulk Coaster. But what it lacks in imagination it more than makes up for in fun. As you hop into your car, each passenger will get a list of songs which have been synched up to the ride. That track will pump out of the back of your seat as you rise at 90 degrees up the first incline before charging down hills and careening around corners. The tempo of your song will change depending on where you are on the track, and the synching they’ve done is really impressive. As far as gimmicks go, it’s a pretty cool one, and the coaster itself is smooth and fun otherwise. This ride might have ended up a little lower on my rankings if it wasn’t for the fact that Universal Studios Florida really needs more experiences that aren’t motion simulators, and it was tremendously refreshing to pop on this after doing so many of those in a row.

13. Popeye & Bluto’s Bilge Rat Barges (Islands of Adventure)

           When you go on a water ride, do you like getting really wet? If so than the Bilge Rat Barges is probably the ride for you. As you travel through this adequately themed environment, constructed to look like one of the classic Popeye shorts, you won’t just get wet; you’re going to get soaked. I’m talking so wet that your shoes are going to squish as you walk and water will drip behind you for the next 15 minutes. And the ride doesn’t just get you wet the once with a final drop like most experiences, instead, every animated object around you is going to try to spray you. Guests who are willing to pay money are going to spray you from the bridge above. Buckets full of water are going to get dropped on you. And the ride isn’t going to surprise you with it, it’s going to show you just how wet you’re about to get after every corner in order to raise your anticipation as you hope in vain that you’ll rotate just a little bit so that waterfall hits the person on the other side instead. I loved this ride, not only since I love to get wet, but because my wife was not expecting to get completely soaked, and watching her slow horrific realization of just how bad things were going to get again and again made me laugh maniacally. The only downside of the experience is that, on a day where it’s not scorching hot, the full body dryers nearby require money to use, and frankly, even after spending several minutes inside of one of those, we still weren’t that dry, which left us a little moist for the rest of the day.

12. Rock N’ Roller Coaster: Starring Aerosmith (Hollywood Studios)

           This ride is just, so much fun. After a brief “studio tour” queue and a bizarre set-up video everyone gets into large stretch limo roller coaster vehicles inside of a stylized Alleyway set. When the ride starts, it doesn’t have a traditional roller-coaster rise and fall; instead it immediately revs up its engines and shoots you forward through a loop. The entire coaster is indoors in a neon-lit highway themed area filled with fun details. Both times we went on it left me giggling maniacally by the end. The only downside is that this feels like the shortest coaster at any of the parks, and since Hollywood Studios has so few rides right now the lines are going to be long.

11. The Amazing Adventures of Spiderman (Islands of Adventure)

           The Amazing Adventures of Spiderman was the first Universal ride to combine Motion Simulator technology with a regular track in order to create a hybrid experience where you’re moving through environments while things happen on screens on all sides of you. The ride is themed, like most of the Marvel experiences at Islands of Adventure, after the 90s cartoon shows. The guests play reporters in a helicopter hoping to catch sight of the webbed super-hero as he battles against the Sinister Six, before getting stuck right in the middle of the battle. By the end, flames will have shot out of the walls above you as Hobgoblin shoots his pumpkin bombs, you might get a little wet, and without leaving the car, the ride will convince you that you were launched hundreds of feet in the air before being dropped down 10 stories into a web. While the 3-D versions of the 90s designs are a little odd, this ride is a perfect Motion simulator experience with enough feedback and real movement to alleviate motion sickness for those of you who are prone to it.

10. Splash Mountain (Magic Kingdom)

           Splash Mountain is easily one of the most iconic rides at any Disney Park (so much so that we literally organized our trip around making sure it was open), and it lives up to the hype. Most people likely know this flume ride as “the one where you get that really big drop at the end”, and while that is the iconic moment, the experience is also secretly one of the best Dark-Rides in Disney World. For most of the attraction, you’ll be lazily going down a river surrounded by singing animatronics animals from the film Song of the South. That film, which has been hidden away by Disney Studios, is now mostly remembered for its troubling racial stereotypes. This ride completely ignores those sections in favor of a celebration of its excellent animated segments. Since the film has disappeared, the songs here are recognizable enough, but still fresh, and the animatronics are, as expected, very charming. Once you start with the short drops and prepare for the big one though, the ride goes from a solid experience into something truly magical, earning a place in my top 10.

9. The Country Bear Jamboree (Magic Kingdom)

           The Country Bear Jamboree was a massive surprise to me. I expected to watch something that would be interesting solely from a historical perspective, and instead found a funny, impressive and catchy collection of short acts. The bears look incredible, and their various entrances (including one which swings above you as she sings) are a ton of fun. The highlight is Big Al, but the entire show was terrific, and we were still enjoying it on our fourth run-through. I look forward to seeing it again one day in the future.

8. The Incredible Hulk Coaster (Islands of Adventure)

           I was tempted to put the Incredible Hulk Coaster a little lower on the list, since, in comparison to the immaculately storytelling on other rides at these parks, it’s a pretty traditional roller-coaster. But, while it’s a very traditional “ride”, it’s also the best pure roller coaster I have ever been on. All the storytelling in the queue, which is filled with pre-Cinematic Universe marvel fun explaining that you are about to undergo the same experiment as the Hulk did, is merely adequate. But once you’re actually on the coaster, and prepared for a traditional ride, instead of the mounting tension of the initial rise you might expect, you are launched up the first hill at incredible speeds. The rest of the coaster, with its various loops, spins and turns is accompanied by a synth score that mounts at the perfect moment, and the ride and music slow as you “land” at various spots before launching you again and again back into the thrills. It’s a heart-poundingly fun roller-coaster which we were more than happy to ride again a second time the moment we’d finished.

7. The Twilight Zone: Tower of Terror (Hollywood Studios)

           Twilight Zone: Tower of Terror may technically be a drop-ride, but in execution it’s one of the park’s finest pieces of environmental storytelling. This entire trip into the Twilight Zone by way of a haunted elevator that serves as a mystical portal into another world makes incredible use of its license to tell a fun and silly little story through its pre-show, gorgeous queue and dark ride portion. The eventual elevator drop and rise is way smoother than I expected, and gives you one incredible view of Hollywood Studios at its highest points. The Disneyland version of this ride has been re-themed as a “Guardians of the Galaxy” attraction, but I hope that this version stays the same for the foreseeable future. As good as the Guardians ride doubtlessly is, there is something much more unique about the current experience.

6. Big Thunder Mountain (Magic Kingdom)

           It’s not quite as thrilling as Space Mountain, nor as immaculately-themed as the more recent Seven Dwarves Mine Train, but Big Thunder Mountain is still terrific on both fronts, providing a fun and bumpy ride past solid animatronics, a beautiful town setting, and some cool little caves. I wish we’d gotten to ride it a few more times, especially at night, when some ingenious lighting choices make for an even more exciting ride.

5. Space Mountain (Magic Kingdom)

It would be easy to dismiss Space Mountain as a rickety old roller-coaster. More accurately, it’s a rickety old roller-coaster with funky music that you ride in the dark with only the lights of stars zipping by to guide and disorient you. Space Mountain is by far the most intense ride at Magic Kingdom, not because any specific drop or turn is particularly insane, but because, unless you’ve ridden it a dozen times, you never know when a drop is about to happen. Each time I rode, I would find myself yelping at a sudden turn I didn’t expect, and cheering as the ride would twist and turn at rapid speeds with little to orient me. I love this ride, and it consistently put a goofy smile on my face. It helps that the queue and exit ramp really capture the sense that it was all a timeless journey into the great big beautiful tomorrow which Walt’s team built Tomorrowland to exemplify.

4. The Haunted Mansion (Magic Kingdom)

           Out of all the classic rides that were made during Walt’s lifetime, the Haunted Mansion is by far the best. I love everything about this experience, from its interactive queue all the way to the hitchhiking ghosts at the end. The translucent dancing ghosts still look incredible, as do all of the animatronics and sets. The final song is also very catchy, and the ride works equally well for adults as it does for children, who may be scared by the intro, but will likely find the experience as a whole quite light-hearted. It’s the kind of experience that will make someone less scared of haunted houses in the future. We rode The Haunted Mansion more than any other attraction at Magic Kingdom, and I easily could have ridden it many times more.

3. Expedition Everest – Legend of the Forbidden Mountain (Animal Kingdom)

           Expedition Everest is, to my mind, the perfect combination of thrilling roller-coaster, immaculate themeing and a great view of a beautiful theme park. The Yeti himself is a tremendous animatronic (even though it no longer moves in the same way as it once did), the queue is great, the ride is smooth, fast and exciting, and whether you ride it day or night you’ll get a great view of the incredible Asian section of Animal Kingdom. We rode it about six times, and when we return to Disney World in a few years, we’ll probably ride it six more.

2. Harry Potter and the Escape from Gringotts (Universal Studios Florida)

Look at that photo for a second. See all of those goblins on the sides? Those are animatronics that look better than the goblins did in the actual Harry Potter Movies. “The Escape from Gringotts” is easily the best ride at Universal Studios, and it’s in close contention for the best ride in Orlando. This roller-coaster, dark-ride and motion simulator hybrid is an incredible 3-D experience where you’ll race through crumbling caves while being attacked by dragons, automated guards and finally Voldemort himself. The cast from the films return for this experience, the effects are all incredibly convincing (including a brief moment of flight) and unlike other motion simulators, nausea wasn’t an issue. The roller-coaster sections are also really quite thrilling. Finally, the attraction has the single best queue in all of the parks. Each room includes video displays, moving portraits, and tons of little details that make the wait much more bearable. This is a must-ride, even if you don’t like Harry Potter as much as I do. The best part is once you’re finished, you get to wander around the incredibly detailed Diagon Alley area that surrounds it.

1. Avatar: Flight of Passage (Animal Kingdom)

           The lines are absolutely insane (even with a fast pass it took us forty minutes, and the regular lines regularly exceed three hours), but Flight of Passage is the single most impressive ride we experienced in Orlando. The 3D is gorgeous, the way they display the image in front of you feels all encompassing and the various physical effects are the most convincing I’ve seen on a ride. They literally make you feel as if something breathes on your leg at one point. Not only did I love this journey, which takes you on an incredible motion-simulated flight through the skies, forest, and lakes of Pandora, but if we weren’t able to get a fastpass for it next time we go, I’d probably be willing to stand in line for a few hours to experience it again. The best compliment I could give it is that it left me genuinely excited for Avatar 2, which is not something I never thought I would say.