#ship » if there were any more left of me i'd give it to you (phoebe and sam and dean)

[galactic-star-bruiser]

Killer

leave me alone, im on a Phoebe x mandalorian kick.

All Mando's POV. (f!reader)

talk of injuries, but nothing more. 

pining, and fluff

song: killer by Phoebe bridges

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Sometimes I think I'm a killer

I scared you in your house

I even scared myself by talkin'

About Dahmer on your couch

The way she watched me as I worked, her soft gaze tracing the way I moved over the weapons I was cleaning, the way she would leave clothes around the ship, and the way she listened to even the most gruesome stories I have.

It was somewhere between those times that I fell in love with her.

“Are we going?” She’d ask me excitedly, ready for any adventure. 

I did everything in my power not to give into her. 

She moved as if there was a flame beneath her. Wild, sprinting, flailing, yelling, and laughing.

She was a fighter. Brutal. Vicious. 

But when it was just us.... She was softer than anything I had ever known.

But I can't sleep next to a body

Even harmless in death

Plus, I'm pretty sure I'd miss you

And faking sleep to count your breath

The endless nightmares where she’d wake up screaming and find her self on a different part of the ship than the bunk she slept in, those screams broke me in ways I never knew anything could. 

Her innocence stripped with one heinous, tortured, scream. 

I’d always find her and walk her back to bed, careful not to touch her or linger too long. I knew I'd ask if she wanted me to stay with her if I did... God, did I want to stay with her. Hold her in my arms and protect her from the evils of the galaxy.

The way she gently cleaned my wounds, even be them just grazes to soft flesh, made my heart ache. 

Can the killer in me

Tame the fire in you?

Or is there nothin' left to do for us?

There were nights that I thought nothing would come of the small touches we shared, or the time that had elapsed since we started traveling together. 

The night of the fire.

I had went back to Peli for a repair before a fire broke out in the ship yard. I had never been terrified before this... not of the flames, but of finding her.

We stayed the night in a small, dingy hotel with a smell of mold that hung in the warm air. 

I sat on the end of the single bed with my head in my hands, scared of what was to become of my ship.

Her small hands reached to touch one of my armor clad shoulders, a sign of reassurance that only sent waves of electricity through my body.

I couldn’t help but think of the concern that washed over her face all the way to the hotel, never breaking the stare that she held against me. 

I watched her face as the innkeeper said he only had availability for one bed rooms. She just nodded in compliance. I was expecting a grimace. 

There was nothing in the world I wanted more than to touch her and to hold her against me. I wanted to feel her soft hands on my bare face, telling me everything was going to be alright.

I knew that would never happen for me. I was loyal to the creed even if it broke my heart.

I am sick of the chase

But I'm hungry for blood

And there's nothin' I can do

The only way that I knew to show my devotion and love for her was through protecting her... even if she could do it herself, it felt good to keep her safe. Keep her with me.

As I sat on the bed, she sat next to me, close enough so I could feel the heat radiating from her body.

“Are you hurt?” I asked. 

“No.” She answered too quickly. 

“Youre lying, let me see.”

She seemed too exhausted to fight with me and complied by lifting the back of her shirt over her shoulders and letting me examine the cracked, fire burnt, angry red skin of her back.

“Cyar’ika...”. The word tumbled out of my mouth and I could only hope that she didn’t know its meaning. I felt vulnerable, as if all of my armor had been stripped.

She winced as I spread the blue bacta across her back. It took a few minutes but I could feel the muscles in her back relax under my touch.

“Thank you... Din.” She whispered. The way she said my name made me want to cry.

“You can have the bed... you’re in pain” I said solemnly, making my way to the floor next to her. 

“Would you mind staying with me tonight?”

Her soft whisper wrapped its way around my throat and It made me unable to speak. I just laid beside her.

She traced the lines of my helmet and she was shaking.

“Youre safe now...” I whispered, scared to put my hands on her in fear of hurting her and breaking my own heart. I knew I couldn’t have her... even if I could, how could someone like her look into the eyes of a vicious killer like myself? Someone who constantly put her in danger and couldn't even kiss her?

“I know.” She answered back, making me smile softly even if she couldn’t see it. 

Can the killer in me

Tame the fire in you?

I know there's somethin' waiting for us

I am sick of the chase

But I'm stupid in love

And there's nothin' I can do

And there's nothin' I can do

[heartsunholy-a]

phoebe tag drop that’s taken a decade

@queerpunkcryptid // @sleepinghollows

[jackednephi]

@starseedjenny you have observed my tags and for this you get an infodump

So Dylan (my husband) took levels in carpentry. He's no master carpenter but he can make furniture. His absolute favorite thing to do is to get gnarly tree roots or branches and carve them into odd length walking sticks and then sell them at the local wood shop. It's easier to use a stick instead of a cane (my back hurts a LOT from using my cane but never with a stick) and different people are different heights. Plus, something people don't think about is there are incredibly short people or even children. So why not have something beautiful and sturdy?

What he does is he carefully exposes what it is about the piece of wood that is unique. Are the different bark layers different colors? He'll strip the bark carefully to have a gradient flowing up the stick until the heart of the wood, its true color as it were, is exposed. Did it have a lot of branches? Find a way to show off the cool knots. Basically, he works with what he has to let the thing speak for itself. Less actual carving like swirls or whatever and more revealing what it is that makes that stick special. Takes less technical carving skill but a good eye for natural beauty. My uncle carved my grandmother her cane before he passed and while it's a beautiful piece, it is definitely carved if that makes sense

Anyway, as you know I love arting and crafting and making pretty things with my hands. Because of church, I know how to embroider, quilt, scrapbook, make pretty much anything you could ever want from cloth from actual clothes to scripture holders, and all the usual home stuff afab people get taught in YWs. I know how to knit (with a loom), make paper art, draw traditionally, paint traditionally (and know how to stretch my own canvas), create beautiful digital art, create rough architecture blueprints that are less rough with minecraft now, stain wood, cook, make rugs, and basically if there is a craft out there I don't know, I learn very quickly as I'm great with my hands and my hand-eye coordination is fantastic. Thank you 15 years of piano lessons

Dylan, knowing this, encouraged me to take up wood burning. Painting is difficult as I don't have an easel and unless I find a comfy recliner or wheelchair stat, I can't feasibly paint anytime soon. Due to disability (and lack of materials) there are a great number of hobbies I can no longer engage in as there I'd nothing but pain and frustration. I was a little intimidated, I'll admit, because I had no idea what a wood burning tool looked like and how would I work it anyway? From my time around big saws and other wood working machinery, I wondered if it would be something unwieldy and dangerous

Plus, let's be honest. I have a very hard time justifying spending money on myself if it's more than $5 at a time

He'd been goading me into it since November. He'd basically finished up my stick except for staining and he knew I'd want to burn it. But I hemmed and hawed. Finally, we had a pretty decent paycheck with loads of money leftover and he talked me into it. Even got that nice flat piece to get me started before taking the tips to my stick

It has been a genuine blast and a complete delight. It's like a very hot, very fat pencil and he saw right away I was going to need gloves or I'd burn myself and have loads of scars all over my fingers and hands. I'm glad he did because it hasn't been a day and already my gloves have marks on them. He got real expensive deerskin so they'd be able to move with my fingers and give me more mobility than anything else. They were expensive too and wouldn't hear any complaints I had about money. He wasn't going to have me melting my flesh or unable to do delicate work like I like

What I've been doing is outlining the thin layers of bark he left. He noticed that while the outermost layers were ugly, the innermost were interesting. You can see the grain in a way you can't with the lighter wood and you have a cool looking shade that's a nice contrast to that lighter heart. I've been going over them with the round tip (really good for drawing and writing as it's super smooth) and doing those hair thin lines with the point tip. It feels very similar to drawing a fantasy map all over my stick

I'm about 1/3 of the way up my stick though definitely not 1/3 of the way finished. I lose hours at a time bent over and carefully burning. I found out I can take the tips off hot and put them in a ceramic dish to minimize cool off and maximize time spent working. Which is critical for me as I can't spend more than about three hours tops bent over burning

It's so fun because it's like line art but it's on a piece of wood so it feels like I'm doing something new. It's very methodical and cathartic and I lose so much time focusing on doing this. It keeps me calm and downright happy! Which is EXCELLENT because it means I'm combatting seasonal depression in a very big way. I've already agreed to do this with all of his pieces to enhance what he's already carved. Eventually I'll probably Do Things like Actual Wood Art but for now I'm happy with this

We already have some projects planned too by the way!!! He loves making furniture and he can build better stuff for cheaper than buying it from a furniture store. So he's going to build a lift top coffee table and a dresser for sure that I'll burn. The first piece I want us to do, I'll burn the wood BEFORE he cuts it and see how that turns out. It'll be a little box (probably to hold bunny stuff) but I want to see if that does something unique or if it just is bad. If it's not something we like, hey I didn't waste weeks or months on something huge that ended up looking bad

We're probably going to make all the tables and dressers that go in our home. Maybe an entertainment center. I know we'll make my sister stuff just on the condition she pays for materials and getting it into her place. We'll probably make stuff for people who want it and I KNOW he's willing to take commissions. Closest family (parents, my sister, etc) will only have to pay for materials/shipping. Friends and other family will probably pay that and a little extra because friends and family discount. Everyone else is gonna have to pay retail value on top of materials and shipping because they'd get a unique piece you can't find anywhere else and it'd be worth it y'know?

But that's like way off sometime eventually probably

For now, I LOVE this new hobby. I can't wait to see what my stick is going to look like finished! I'm going to burn "support" on the bottom in kanji before the no slip grip goes on. Not really for any particular reason so much as like. Sentimental? I guess? Kind of like I'm burning a prayer for it to be sturdy and useful and good into it. I tried carving my wife's kanji on it (the first kanji of his middle name means dragon) but it didn't work out well so I'm gonna burn it onto the top and that'll be its name. Again, sentiment. There is also power in naming things and like. Just in case?

It has been such a very long time since I've been able to make something with my hands that I had the materials for and I'm just absolutely pink over it. I really super want people to see this stick and want some useful beauty for themselves that I can give. I love giving and making and seeing people smile over stuff I've made. It's been such a long time since something I've done has made someone smile and I just really want to bring that back y'know?

Anyway thank you for letting me gush. I just super love this and like yeah it's the butchest hobby like ever (according to Phoebe who has the most femme hobby ever of macrame) but it really fits me. It sparks joy in a way I haven't felt in a very very long time and I can't wait to see all the things I can do

[heartsunholy-a]

ships tag drop pt. 3