#shining resonance: refrain | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

astr0disiac · 4 months ago

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ᴄʜᴀᴘᴛᴇʀ 11: ᴇᴠᴇʀʏᴛʜɪɴɢ ᴏʀ ɴᴏᴛʜɪɴɢ ᴀᴛ ᴀʟʟ (ꜱꜰᴡ ᴇᴅɪᴛɪᴏɴ)

☆ᴏʀɪɢɪɴᴀʟ ᴄʜᴀᴘᴛᴇʀ ᴀᴠᴀɪʟɪʙʟᴇ ʜᴇʀᴇ

☆ꜱʏɴᴏᴘꜱɪꜱ:

Tiana feels as though she deserves the suffering she's endured over the past five years after the tragic loss of her husband, Naveen. But Nanami wants to prove that she is capable of giving and receiving love again.

But even the sweetest of kisses can't heal the sourest of wounds.

An office-work romance like no other, filled with love, loss, and betrayal from those Tiana thought she could trust the most.

☆ᴡᴏʀᴅ ᴄᴏᴜɴᴛ: 22,000

☆ᴄᴏɴᴛᴇɴᴛ ᴡᴀʀɴɪɴɢ: implied/referenced suicide [mild], implied/referenced self-harm [mild], implied/referenced miscarriage, angst, slow burn, implied sexual content, profanity, and heavy drinking (mdni)

☆ᴍʏ ꜱɪɴᴄᴇʀᴇꜱᴛ ᴀᴘᴏʟᴏɢɪᴇꜱ ꜰᴏʀ ᴀɴʏ ᴍɪꜱꜱᴘᴇʟʟɪɴɢꜱ ᴏʀ ɢʀᴀᴍᴍᴀᴛɪᴄᴀʟ ᴇʀʀᴏʀꜱ☆

It was warm.

So warm.

Tiana didn’t budge when she heard her front door creak open. Nor does she do anything when a familiar set of thudding footsteps grew louder to her bathroom, Nanami slipping past the cracked door and sliding his arms around her waist from behind. She watched in her bathroom mirror, simpering as he placed a gentle kiss behind her ear. It was warm. The air was warm with spring. Nanami’s arms were warm with preservation. Tiana’s heart was warm with life. It felt cozier than Christmas Eve.

“You look beautiful.”

His words were warm.

“You’re quite handsome yourself.”

Her eyes were warmer.

Nanami just looked so cool when he ditched the formal wear, especially now because the temperature was beginning to rise. He wore a white polo and dark jeans, hair styled back as he usually wore it, with a few tufts hanging in front of his forehead. He adorned a golden watch that ticked impatiently, and his glasses began sliding down his nose when he placed his chin on Tiana’s shoulder. She took her finger, pushing them up, Nanami admiring Tiana’s reflection.

She wore a flowing sundress that stopped right below her knees with a vibrant floral pattern, the off-shoulder sleeves puffing around the upper part of her arm. Her skin shined, polished with buttered vanilla, and looked so smooth; Nanami had to refrain from burying his nose in her collar and inhaling deeply. Having her pressed against him like this made him feel high, her presence drug-inducing.

“You’re gonna’ love the date.” Nanami seems to swoon, his voice a hum in Tiana’s ear. “I guarantee it.”

“Oh?” She spoke to his reflection. “How can you be so sure?”

“Well if you hate it, which I highly doubt you will, I’ll…” Nanami ponders.

“You’ll?”

“I’ll…tell you my first impression of you.”

Tiana guffaws, falling into him more with a radiant laugh. “Wow, it must have been really bad if you’re willing to wager that.”

Nanami cringes, eyes twinging as if he were in pain. “Ehhh…”

Tiana swats at him playfully.

“Then to make it even, if I love it, which I doubt I won’t, then I’ll tell you my first impression of you.”

Nanami laughs, a loud “oh” resonating from his chest.

“Then I can’t wait to hear this.” Nanami squeezes her arms a bit tighter. “You’re on.”

Nanami drives the two around the city, the destination unknown to Tiana as she ponders what it could be, her guesses scattered to the wind like the pink petals outside the window. Everything was so bright, and the fragrant smell of flowers seemed to dew on Tiana’s skin. Nanami noticed how her feet tapped on the car floor.

“Excited?” He asks, a beaming smile spreading across his face. Tiana turned, her expression mirroring his.

“I’m a bit giddy.” Tiana’s hands scrunch the fabric of her dress slightly. “Let’s play a game.”

“The name?”

“The ‘Tiana Tries to Guess the Date Before the Date’ game.”

“Pretty long name.” Nanami chuckles, absolutely humored. “Guess away.”

And of course she did, her predictions ranging from a wide variety.

“Is it, maybe, a nice dinner on a rooftop?”

“No.”

“The zoo?”

“Eh��no.”

“Is it the Mori Art Museum?”

“Good idea…but nope.”

“I would like to go one day. The exhibits seem breathtaking.”

“Not as breathtaking as you.”

“Stay focused.”

“Right…sorry.”

“The…park?”

“Kind of? But, no.”

Tiana continued to guess as Nanami pulled into a dirt lot. Gravel and dust billowing outside the car windows. Tiana looked at the picture laid before her, the area crowded with stalls that ranged from fresh fruit, to trinkets, to home decor.

It was the market.

The same market that the two frequented quite a bit together.

“Oh!” Tiana drew the word out, trying to recover her excitement. “Oh, the market! W-wow! What a…great idea, babe!”

Nanami stopped the car, pursing his lips. “No, this isn’t the date. I just need to run a quick errand. This will lead up to the date.”

“Whew, thank God.” Tiana mumbled, unbuckling her seatbelt. She looks up to see Nanami giving her a blank stare. She tries to bounce back.

“N-not that it would be a bad idea,” Tiana laughs nervously. “It’s just-”

“Don’t worry, I wouldn’t plan anything but the best for you.”

Tiana smiles, placing a quick kiss on his cheek as an apology.

Tiana finds herself getting lost in the different stalls, the layout changing every other weekend and inviting something new for her to gaze at. She sauntered through the glass windchimes for a while, the light from the sun catching on the glass and glowing on her skin like globes of glitter; Nanami snapped a picture in secret. She ran her fingers across the different sized tubes, a song twinkling from them ever so sweetly. The wind, moved by this melody, breathed gently into the open area, petals skimming the pavement and fragranting the fresh breeze. Tiana held her dress down to keep it from getting caught. Thank the Lord she always wore shorts.

Tiana being the foodie that she was, wanted to try everything in sight, but Nanami warned her that she would spoil her dinner.

“So it is a dinner date.”

Nanami paused.

“Okay, I gave you that one for free.”

Instead, they taste tested some items here and there, Nanami taking note of what Tiana seemed eager to try more of and what she politely declined. Tiana began to notice Nanami whispering to the different sellers behind her back when she was out of earshot. Even when she tried to use her listening skills, she could barely understand what Nanami was plotting, especially when he switched to rapid fire Japanese; he was doing this to be funny. There were only a few words Tiana could make out, after taking a painstakingly long time to mentally translate it. Random numbers, what sounded like a total, the name of flavors. It was so random, but Tiana began to piece it together slowly.

But what threw her off the most is when he bought two blankets; what the hell would they be needing blankets for? Tiana had plenty at home. At first she believed they were for Nanami; the guy seemed to sleep with just a sheet. But it didn’t match the decor the two agreed upon for his home.

“That’s all you needed?” Tiana inquired, peaking at Nanami with her hands behind her back as he carried the folded blankets.

“I got everything else already.” Nanami smiled, but there was something hidden in those brown eyes. Tiana squinted, still trying to guess what their outing would be. The sun would be setting soon, and the walking that they did left Tiana’s feet aching a bit. She didn’t want to complain, but she could feel herself growing a bit impatient.

“We’re almost there, promise.” Nanami said, opening the door for Tiana as she got in. He closed the door, going to the trunk of his car, rummaging for a while. Tiana peaked out the rearview mirror, one of the sellers Nanami had talked to earlier had appeared, and began helping Nanami with whatever he was rummaging through in his trunk.

The trunk gently clicked closed, Nanami sliding into the driver’s seat and clicking his seatbelt. “Alright, you get one more guess before we get there.”

“What?!”

“It’s only fair.” Nanami shrugged, pulling out of the dirt road. “I gave you a hint earlier. And you’ve been guessing for a while.”

“Ugh!” Tiana threw her head back dramatically.

Well, Tiana thought. We tried some food, and I can smell something a bit spicy in the back of the car. He bought some blankets, and he mentioned dinner. He’s not driving back to either of our houses either.

Tiana arrived at her final answer just as they pulled into another lot, fields of vibrant green grass and thick cherry blossoms with tops reaching for the heavens, but their branches waving to the earth below. Patches of flowers dotted the land, freshly sprouted and woven into the dirt like embroidery. Not too far, a river glistening like crystals in the light, a worn-out stone bridge the only way across. And not too far from them, a wooden dock lined with canoes.

“I thought you said we weren’t coming to the park.” Tiana said with a smile, looking at Nanami as they stood in front of his trunk. His arms were folded, and he had a smirk about him.

“I said 'kind of'. So, what’s your final guess?”

“Hmph.” Tiana said, tapping her chin. “Food. Blankets. Scenery so beautiful it looks as if it were painted.”

“Go on…” Nanami hummed.

“It’s…” Tiana pointed at him dramatically, her stance wide. “A picnic.”

Nanami’s face didn’t move.

“Is that your final answer?”

“Is it the right one?”

“You tell me.”

“Nanami!”

“Alright, alright, you got me.” Nanami holds his hands up in defeat, chuckling as he waves his foot under the car, the trunk popping open. “It is a picnic. But…”

“But?” Tiana hung onto every word. There’s more?

The trunk opened to reveal a wide picnic basket, the woven box barely able to contain its contents. Tiana’s eyes seemed to moisture themselves, her hands clutching her dress. Bunches of grapes peaked out the box, and a bottle of sparkling cider. Boxes were packed tightly with different delicacies she had been eying the whole day. It was almost too perfect to divulge in.

“But it’s on the water.”

Tiana’s heart dropped into her stomach.

It seemed to burst. Deflating into her gut, a heavy heap sinking like a stone being casted into the pretty waters before her.

Nanami doesn’t seem to pick it up, gathering the basket, the blankets, and a battery operated lantern to the bank. As he sprawls one of the blankets on the seats of the small boat, Tiana stands in the distance, gripping the ruffles of her dress.

What should she do?

This was a step forward she wasn’t quite keen on taking yet.

She didn’t want to ruin the date but-

“You comin’?” Nanami calls out, placing the basket in the middle, turning back to Tiana with such a proud look it almost blinded her. He just looked so damn happy; she didn’t want to diminish his shine.

She wanted to step into it.

So she tries to put a bit of pep in her step, and sprinkle humor in her voice despite her trembling insides. Nanami stands with his hand outstretched, watching Tiana try to hide the rigidness in her walk. When she locks her fingers with his, he squeezes her hand and pulls her closer so that he could find the truth within her eyes if she decided to let a lie leave her lips.

“You okay?”

“Yeah.” She answers quickly. “I’m just…not a huge fan of water.”

“Oh-” Nanami reaches for the basket, not once letting go of Tiana’s hand. “Then we don’t have to-”

“No!” She yanks him back to her, her grip surprising Nanami. He knocks his head to the side, examining her. “I really want to, just…”

She lets out a shaky exhale.

“Just don’t let me fall in, okay?”

Nanami places a hand on the side of her face, gently pressing his lips into her clammy forehead. She was always pushing herself too far for him, and Nanami selfishly allowed her to.

“Never.”

Nanami climbed into the canoe, Tiana teetering in after him with a deathly grip. Nanami coaxed her not to worry too much, helping her sit down on her side. Once seated, Tiana gripped the blanket she sat on, not once allowing relaxation the chance to settle in.

“Are you sure?” Nanami asked, picking up the oars. Tiana just nodded, forcing a weak smile on her pretty lips.

“Of course.”

Nanami frowned slightly, using one of the paddles to push at the bank, the boat dipping into the smooth water. He pushed gently, the boat sliding against gravel and liquid, the slithering crunch causing Tiana to grab at either side of the boat. The boat plods into the water, Tiana yelping as cold droplets splashback at her.

“Nope-” She heaves, grappling to stand up and rocking the boat roughly. “I thought I could-”

“Wait, Tiana-!” Nanami called out, steadying himself as she scrambled up, the basket and lantern sliding over and hitting the wooden insides with a loud knock, the flap threatening to open and release all their goodies, but he didn’t care so much about that. He didn’t want her falling in. “Be careful!”

“I’m sorry, I gotta-”

Tiana’s foot gets caught on the boat, causing her to trip forward into the grassy bank, thankfully catching herself. She scurried up, her shoes splashing into the cold water as she does a makeshift jog away from Nanami. Away from the memories that seemed to nip at her ankles.

Nanami drops his head into his hands.

“Fuck.”

Tiana stood hunched over, hands gripping her knees as ragged breaths tore through her. All she could do was shake her head, her hair bouncing wildly around her shoulders and face, a few curls getting caught in her gloss and tangled in her eyelashes.

“No…” She muttered, wrinkling her dress between her sweaty hands. “Not now. Come on. You were doing so well.”

She stands up quickly, blowing air through her lips as she paces, trying to calm down. She closed her eyes, face scrunched with a pain only known to her, her mind traveling back to a place only she had access to.

“Stop it.” She hissed to herself. “Don’t do this to yourself.”

Don’t do this to him.

Another pair of footsteps padded behind her own in the soft grass. She turned to see Nanami, everything thrown into his arms in a hurry. His face is grim.

“H-Hey…” Tiana tried to catch her breath. “What are you doing?”

“Come on, let’s go home.”

“Wait-!” Tiana grew flustered. “Nanami, I’m fine.”

“No, you’re not.”

“Yes I am!” Tiana argued back, her fists balled at her sides. “Let’s just go back…”

Back to that warmth.

“I should have been more considerate.” Nanami ignored her, walking towards the car.

“Nanami,” Tiana huffed, following behind him. “You’re the most considerate person I know, I mean, look at all this.” She gestured to the beautiful scene before them that juxtaposed their bitter discussion. “You did all this just for me. I don’t want to ruin it…”

“Tiana, this is what I’m supposed to do.” Nanami turns to her. “I’m supposed to go out of my way for you. I want to.”

“And I want to stay. That isn’t fair to you.”

“Who cares about me? I want to make sure you’re okay.”

“I care!” Tiana’s voice comes out a bit sharper than she wanted, and Nanami finds himself wincing. “I care, Nanami! This isn’t just about me. It’s about us. This relationship…it’s a team effort.”

“Tiana,” Nanami goes to pinch the bridge of his nose. “This isn’t a ‘what can you do for me’ type of situation. I would never expect that from you. This is about your well being- I don’t want you pushing yourself too hard. I don’t mean to argue-” His voice crumbled.

“You’re not listening to me, Nanami. I don’t want to argue, hell, I wouldn’t even count this. I just want to compromise.”

Nanami huffs a breath, a tuft of hair falling out of place. “Tiana, if you want to stay to try and save my feelings or prove something-”

“I want to stay,” Her chest seemed to swell, “not to spare your feelings, but because I want to spend time with you. I want you to know that I truly do appreciate you and everything that you do when you don’t have to.” Tiana didn’t know why her face began to burn as if she were next to a red, hot stovetop. When was the last time she said something like this? And it didn’t even graze the surface of the vulnerability she felt when Nanami was near. “Just…let me have this. Let us have this.”

Nanami’s jaw loosened as the conversation fizzled into mush. He still didn’t like the idea of Tiana stressing herself to appease him. His face tinged with pink as he looked away. He had to put his foot down, but it was so hard to say no to her.

“I feel like…you’re making this transactional…” His voice was timid. Tiana grabs his face with both her hands, squishing his cheeks as she pulls him down to her eye level. His glasses tilted on the bridge of his nose. Her eyes held nothing but resolve, unwavering as she spoke in a sturdy voice.

“We’re staying.”

With puckered lips and a rosy face, Nanami could do nothing but nod as Tiana held him in her hands both literally and figuratively.

“Mm’kay.” He muttered in defeat.

She places a quick peck on his nose, patting his cheeks apologetically, then pushes his glasses back into place.

“There he is.” Tiana jokes, massaging her palms into his face. “My big softie.”

Nanami squints his eyes, hoisting the items in his hands.

“Well…where would you like to go?” Nanami asks. “We can eat in the center of the park.”

Tiana looked toward the dock that branched off into a sturdy pier. She pinches a piece of his shirt fabric between her pointer and thumb, dragging him in that direction.

“Come on.”

Nanami set up the large blanket on the dock, the bit of fabric curved over the side flowing in the gentle breeze. The lantern sat between them along with glass plates and polished silverware ready to be decorated with the delicacies popping out of the woven basket. Tiana sat with her knees folded over, adjusting the dress so it wouldn’t skirt up her legs. Nanami sat in a sort of criss-cross fashion, hands reaching in the basket to divvy up their dinner.

Tiana thought that Nanami had truly outdone himself, her eyes growing much bigger than her stomach as he accessorized her white plate with an array of treats that ranged from sweet to savory; she recognized a few from the market. Thick, white rounds of sushi, juicy chicken filet coated in a sauce that shimmered like gold, fresh fruits carved into the shapes of lotus and armored in a shell of chocolate, a variety of soft dumplings, skewers of roasted vegetables, a thick loaf of flakey sourdough bread, a bowl of warm broth, and much more. Tiana’s eyes gleamed like a set of constellations, reaching for the shimmering rosé, examining the bottle. It was non-alcoholic.

“If you would have told me,” Tiana says, peeling the foil back and rolling the top, “I could have brought the good stuff.”

Nanami raised a brow. “Good stuff?” Nanami gives a light chuckle, finally making his own plate. His eyes go from the bottle to Tiana’s mischievous look. “When did you start liking the ‘good stuff’?”

Tiana sucked her cheeks in, slightly embarrassed. She couldn’t tell him that it was all to chase the same warmth from that night in the cabinet, but no matter how many glasses she downed or flavors she tried, no matter how many cups of hot chocolate she made, she could never replicate it.

Maybe it just had to be with Nanami.

After pouring their glasses, they did a silent toast, a strange air drifting about that even the wind couldn’t blow away. Tiana twirled her fork in her pasta tediously, trying to think of something to say. She was the one who made them stay. Maybe they should have gone home.

“Well, I’m glad I didn’t pick the beach…” Nanami mutters, and Tiana lets out a giggle behind her glass.

“So,” Nanami continued, swirling his cider. “I’m guessing you’re not looking forward to the company’s summer island getaway?” A small smile prods his lips. Tiana’s head falls, cringing slightly.

“Yeah, no…” She says sincerely. “I’m sorry.”

“Why are you sorry?”

“You just seemed so excited about it.” Tiana picks up a skewer. “I didn’t want to get in the way of your plans.” She slid a slice of squash off the rod into her mouth; it was seasoned to perfection.

“And why would you get in my way?” Nanami bites into his carved fruit. Tiana raises a brow, pointing her bare skewer towards Nanami in a threatening manner.

“Nanami, I know you.” She waves the sharp end at him. “If I had told you earlier, you would have changed the whole trip to fit my needs.”

“Is there something wrong with that?”

Tiana playfully rolls her eyes, sighing. “Nanami, do y’all normally change the trip based on what one person prefers?”

Nanami shrugs. “Everyone is allowed to have input.” He pops a round of sushi in his mouth, muttering. “And it’s okay if some opinions are louder than others…”

“Nanami, that’s not fair.” She lectures him.

“Well…”

“You didn’t show me favoritism then, so don’t start now.”

Nanami scoffs, playing as if he were offended as he pointed to himself. “I haven’t done anything-”

“Yet.” Tiana cuts in. “I new you would get like this.”

“But I care about you.” Nanami says. “And this is different than before, because now I’m your-”

Nanami’s mouth snaps shut like a bear trap.

Tiana blinks rapidly, leaning in as she squints her eyes and purses her lips.

“You’re my-?”

“What?”

“You were about to say something. That you were something to me. You’re my what?”

“I didn’t say…anything…” Nanami’s face bloomed like the reddening sky.

“Say what you were going to say.” Her face was coy, nose turned up like the snout of a fox. But her voice was so warm; cozy like sitting next to a firepit on the night of a blue moon. She nudged him gently with her finger. “Say it.”

“I-” Nanami cleared his throat. Maybe the pollen was getting to him, making his throat tickle and strain.

“Come on…” Tiana leans in, batting her eyelashes sweetly, her fingers drawing loops on his knee. She was taunting him, yanking him along by the scruff of his neck. “You're my…”

“Boyfriend.”

Nanami felt like a child who had mindlessly blurted the answer out in the middle of an exam. All he could do was stare at the blanket until he gathered enough courage to look at her with low eyelids and inflamed cheeks. He looked so nervous, as if waiting for Tiana’s rejection. But when she said nothing, he assumed that maybe he hadn’t been clear enough for her to understand.

“I’m your boyfriend.”

The word rattled in Tiana’s head, and she found her face sparkling like the 19th of June. She didn’t mean to make Nanami repeat himself, nor did she mean to leave him silently pouting as he waited for her to say something back, but she couldn’t help but bask in the word. She never technically had a “boyfriend”. Her prom date asked out of desperation, and she declined. Naveen used the word once or twice before slipping a ring on her finger and jumping straight to wife. It sounded so nice rolling off of Nanami’s tongue. For the first time, she felt as if she truly had him.

And she wanted to let him know that he had her as well.

“You look so serious.” Tiana giggled, leaning into him to hide her face. She could feel his heartbeat through his forearms; he really wore his heart on his sleeve, and it made him so easy to read.

“Because I am.” It was almost a whine.

“And I’m...your girlfriend.” Her voice grew small, and she felt she no longer had the right to tease Nanami when he stated his declaration out so confidently. She leaned into him more, trying to deflect. “The title sounds kind of childish, right? Silly?”

Nanami swallowed. “I don’t know…”

But that’s because he couldn’t help but yearn for a higher title, but that wouldn’t be for a while. They both wanted to enjoy this stage to its fullest. Nanami still didn’t want to push her too far, and Tiana wanted to take her time. She couldn’t help her caution, considering how quick things went with Naveen. If anything, Nanami has taught her that it was fine to take her time, and he never made her feel bad about it.

They eat a bit more, easing into a silence that was much more comfortable as they alternated feeding each other and themselves. Gentle strokes of the hand against bare skin, and soft kisses scorched into flesh as the sun laid down to rest beneath a red duvet. The sound of the water lapping at the grassy bank, the chirp of cicadas, and the crooning of birds created a soft chorus of music for them both to enjoy. Packing up their leftovers and sanitizing their hands, Nanami finds solace in Tiana’s lap, and she threaded her fingers through his hair. She kneaded his scalp, watching his eyes flutter close every so often.

“Your hair’s been getting so long lately.” Tiana said.

“I haven’t had time to cut it. Maybe next week…”

“Don’t cut it yet.” Tiana said, twirling her fingers through his strands. She was mesmerized by the golden threads. Something about them was familiar. “I like how long it’s gotten.”

Another moment of silence filled with soft breathing and the sway of grass.

“I definitely lost the bet.”

Tiana looks down at Nanami, him looking back to her with a smile littered with defeat. She shakes her head, dark curls shading Nanami.

“Oh, no. You definitely won.” She chuckles, smoothening his hair. “By a landslide. I lost.”

“You’re just trying to make me feel better.” Nanami nudges Tiana’s thigh with the back of his head as he tries to get a better view of her. She looked so gorgeous from this angle as she pushed dark ringlets behind her ears, her skin smoldering after being charged by the sun’s rays.

“I swear I’m not. I’m telling you the truth.” Her words come out in between broken laughs.

“Yeah, okay…” Nanami grunts. Tiana slides his glasses back up, tracing the curvatures of his nose. “I lost fair and square.”

“I don’t think so.” Tiana said, her fingers brushing strands out of his face so she could admire him properly. “But I still want to know what you thought about me.”

“Even though you said I won?” The corners of his mouth twitched.

“We can compromise.” Her voice curved like the harmonies in a song. “We’ll call a truce. I’ll go first to make things fair.”

“I’d love to hear this.” Nanami shuffled a bit, folding his hands over his abdomen, waiting patiently for Tiana to share her observations. “Well, Ms. Tiana, what did you think of me back then?”

“Well…”

Tiana’s face burned. This was kind of embarrassing now that she had made it this far.

“And you want my honesty?” Tiana chittered nervously, and Nanami couldn’t help but laugh. He slid the fabric of her dress up slightly, pecking her exposed knee before resting his head back down on her lap.

“There’s no judgment, I swear. Which means you can’t judge what I say either.”

“Alright…” Tiana huffs, pursing her lips. She closes her eyes as she recalls a time before this. A lonelier time.

“I thought…” She sighs, leaning over Nanami with a look of fondness. “I thought that you were a stereotypical, one dimensional, stuck up businessman who was too nosey for his own good.”

A beat of silence.

“Wow.” Nanami’s eyes were widened a bit, eyebrows raised in surprise with the rush of words that Tiana allowed to fall from her mouth. But it was all in good fun, so he gave a quiet chuckle, nerves bustling through him. “Tell me how you really feel.”

“Stop!” Tiana’s hands flew to her face, shocked at how quickly those words came and went. “You said you wouldn’t judge!”

“I’m not! I’m not.” Nanami says, laughing. “It…honestly makes sense looking back.” He clicks his tongue to the roof of his. “I don’t necessarily blame you.”

“That’s not all.” Tiana said, dropping her hands in defeat, looking towards the horizon. She felt her heart soften, and her demeanor became serious. “Nanami, you scared me. And I don’t mean in a threatening way, you have never made me feel unsafe, but…I was so scared to actually get close to you.”

“I was scared to be friends, I was scared to lean on you; I feel like I haven’t had a genuine relationship with anyone in a long time. Platonic or romantic.” She looks down to him. “My circle has gotten so small, and I was too afraid to expand it past what and who I already know. I was too scared to care about anyone else because I would always be at risk of losing them. And when…when I started…developing these feelings for you, I was terrified-” Her voice gets caught in her throat, but she clears it quickly. “I was…terrified that you would never be your own person when you were with me. I didn’t want to do that to you, I couldn’t, and I won’t. You’re too precious to me. And…I didn’t want to disappoint you.”

Nanami clutched his hands around his shirt.

“Being with you is a breath of fresh air. You’re the deviation I’ve needed, no, wanted for so long. You helped me find my compassion again. You showed me that it’s okay to care. It’s okay to put your all into something because it will always bear fruit if you nurture it enough. There will always be something to return to. You…you showed me that just being here, alive, and in the moment is enough. I don’t have to lament about my past anymore. I can move forward, because you gave me something to look forward to.”

Tiana didn’t realize she was crying until she saw a tear splatter on Nanami’s cheek, rolling down to his ear. But he didn’t wince or whine, he just raised his hand, gently wiping at her face with his thumb. He didn’t dare interrupt her. It was obviously bubbling out of her.

Tiana sniffled. She wasn’t sad at all, if anything she was relieved she could finally give him reassurance. She felt better finally getting this off her chest. Even if she couldn’t verbally say those three words, she could at least give him this. She didn’t want this relationship to feel one sided. She didn’t want to be the only one to benefit from this.

“I prayed…” Tiana nudged his hand. “And prayed, and prayed some more. For second chances. For a new life. For revived ones. And I thought they went unheard for years. And then you found me, Kento Nanami.”

“You, Kento Nanami, you are my second chance. You are my new life. I’m sure of it. You saved me. You’ve been there- even when I refused you, you were still within arms reach. You gave me your heart, unbarred.”

She grabs his hand, kissing it quickly, and cradling it to her face.

“And you will forever have mine.”

Nanami’s breaths were quick and shallow, and he too began to produce tears, but for other reasons.

He felt undeserving of a confession so beautifully spoken.

He laid there, staring up at her, both sets of eyes as dewy as morning grass, and within the silence a strange electrical current sparked.

“Well, don’t just stare at me.” Tiana sniffled, her eyes searching for his own, shyness creeping up on her having been the only one to vomit out her own heart. “Say something.” She whispered. “What did you think of me, Nanami?” She paused, her voice light.

“Did you think we’d end up here?”

“I did.”

“Yeah?”

“I knew you on paper first before anything, so it seems a bit unfair.” His voice was low as he massaged her hand, trying to knead away his guilt. He thought of his conversation with Lottie that got him here, how Lottie had originally described her. “Hardworking and proud.” He thinks it over. “Maybe a little stubborn.”

Tiana giggles. “I was.” She thinks it over, rolling her eyes playfully. “Am.” She corrects herself.

“Sometimes a pain in the ass to clean up after.” Nanami chuckled, Tiana playfully swatted at him, but laughing herself because it was definitely true.

“You just…intrigued me. From the start.” Nanami admitted. “You were a mystery, or rather, everything around you seemed to be some colluded riddle that everyone understood except me.”

“I told myself…” Nanami hummed. “That I was just doing my job, getting to know you, making you comfortable because that’s what I was supposed to do. But really, that was an excuse to pacify my own curiosity. And soon…soon I just wanted to be around you more. Get to know you more. I didn’t mean to, it happened so fast I don't even think I blinked, but it did happen and not once have I ever regretted it. Even if it wasn’t the most conventional. Before I knew it, those small moments; running into each other in the store, or only speaking in passing, it couldn’t satisfy me anymore.”

“I wanted to be with you all the time. See you all the time. Be near you all the time.”

He paused, taking a hard swallow. “I wanted to care for you all the time, make sure you were okay. I know you can handle your own; you’ve been doing that, you don’t need me. I haven’t been that great at it, and…I apologize for it. But you could have found solace in anybody, and you chose me. It's just so...crazy to me that I got just that lucky in this lifetime. And that luck fed me for months. That feeling…it was almost insatiable.”

“I found myself hoping you felt the same. All that time spent thinking of you, I too prayed and pleaded that you spent even a fifth of that time thinking of me. Even if I happened to be just a fleeting thought, that would be enough. At least I was on your mind.”

Tiana’s heart quickened, and she took a hard swallow. She cupped his face, cherishing the way the sun’s last flicker of life caught in his blonde locks and lashes. How his eyes held nothing but adoration, looking to her as if Tiana was the embodiment of life itself.

He didn’t need to say it for her to understand. She was loved. She only hoped she mirrored the same impression.

“How long have you felt like this?”

Nanami ponders for a second, memories striking through his mind. Was it now, after finding comfort in the swell of her thighs? Was it the moment they first kissed? Maybe the night of their first argument? The night he saw her in that gown? The afternoon of the first snow when white flurries dotted her hair like a halo? That night, which seemed ages ago, when they walked the streets of Sendai after a round of sugared-up alcoholic drinks? The night of the roof, when they finally seemed to really see each other? Possibly the day when she stepped off the plane?

No, it was before then.

One memory stands out from the rest, when Lottie first made the suggestion of Tiana working under him, and how he shot her down immediately. That strange tug in his heart he had felt then, and sometimes felt now whenever Tiana so much as looked in his direction. Maybe it was some form of premonition at the time. Maybe he should have given into the tug the first time.

So Nanami chuckles, his ears tinged pink as the most banal statement befalls his lips.

“I guess…since I first heard your name, I knew.” Nanami looked at her with sincerity, hoping she wouldn’t laugh, and she didn’t. She hung onto every word. “I knew that I would love you. And I do, Tiana. I love you.

A sound akin to a hiccup pops through Tiana’s chest.

“And you don’t have to say it back right now, tomorrow, hell, even in the next year. You don’t have to say it back to prove something to me. I can tell by the way you look at me, I understand how you feel. I hope that one day you feel secure enough to confide those words in me that reside in your heart.”

Tiana’s bottom lip quivered, and all Nanami could do was chuckled, massaging her leg in an act of comfort.

Tiana wished she could say it back at this moment. She wished she could say something equally poetic or meaningful after a confession like that, a disclosure so gut wrenching it tore through her in a way that was unreal. She felt like clay that had been baking in the oven for too long, seconds from exploding and shattering into a million glittering pieces. Her heart pounded, and she wondered if Nanami could hear it.

Tiana sniffles again, exhaling a shaky breath. It was no longer warm. It was hot, too hot. And if Tiana were being honest, she was burning up for a much more vulgar reason than the current situation seemed to warrant. She fanned at her face, simultaneously drying her damp eyes and cooling her inflamed skin.

“Are you okay?” Nanami pushed himself up on his elbows, his face inches from hers. Tiana’s face felt scorched, so she backed up a bit, scared that Nanami would be able to pull the thoughts from behind her eyes.

“Yeah, yeah, I just…” Tiana looked the other way for a moment, trying to gather herself. She turned back to him, pressing a kiss on his cheek, purposefully avoiding his lips.

“This was perfect.” Her breath tickles Nanami’s face as she whispers, and Nanami feels a shiver run down his spine. “You’re perfect. My big softie.” She finalizes.

“That…wasn’t weird?” Nanami asks, a bit shy himself, or more so awkward for his own personal reasons. Reasons that had him sitting up straight with his legs bending towards him.

“God, no.” Tiana exasperates. “Far from it.”

Tiana looks towards the boats that sway gently swayed in the waters, street lamps popping on and buzzing with a soft orange color.

“We can go paddling another time.” Tiana suggests.

“Will you be up for it then?”

“I’ll be fine.” She turns to him, biting the inside of her cheek. “Because I won’t be alone.”

“And you promised not to let me fall in.”

The tension on the car ride back to Tiana’s place was suffocating, no matter how low the windows sat. The sensuality of it all was almost palatable. Neither could stand the sound of the other’s voice without becoming completely undone at the seams. So they sat there in silence, fidgeting in their seats as they attempted to show some restraint.

Tiana didn’t know what to do with herself. They had only officially started dating a little over a week ago, even if there were hints of intimacy before they slapped a title on it. Tonight was such a huge step forward in how they conversed with each other, and they both had opened up so much. But it was so very clear what subject was lingering in the air, despite either of them ever discussing it amongst themselves.

Sex.

Tiana fanned at her face once, twice, then three times. God, she was a goddamn adult. She shouldn't be blushing so much over something that was a natural human activity, but there was so much to consider.

Of course, relationships weren’t all about sex. Some people mutually agree no to engage in it at all, and some relationships can be centered around it. It was personalized to that couple, or those partners, and that’s what made it intimate. That's what made it special, and their alone. The proper communication was what made it precious. And Tiana, who didn’t engage in sexual acts until after she got married, would be lying if she said sex wasn’t one of the most pivotal parts in her life, or her relationship. Sex for her was personal, an exploration of anatomy and compatibility. It wasn’t something she wanted to have casually because of how her heart was nurtured. She knew she couldn’t give herself to someone like that unconditionally and not want something in return. But she couldn’t help but wonder if Nanami felt the same way.

In the bedroom, secrets were shared under satin sheets between melded bodies. She knew Nanami, but if she did this, she would really get to know Nanami, and never be able to unlearn him. She pondered about his dating history, not that she could judge since she was the only two out of both of them that had been married. But had he never married before because he only had casual relationships? What was the longest relationship he had entertained before her? Or did he have flings?

God, curiosity was eating her alive.

And that curiosity led to fleeting anxiety because Tiana hadn’t been sexually active since Naveen’s passing. Hell, she couldn’t even touch herself, especially after carrying a child, because she just couldn’t see her body like that anymore. She couldn’t find the sexual appeal, not to mention any thoughts of Naveen would send her into hysterics and would dampen the mood.

But she would be fibbing if she said she hadn’t thought of Nanami in that way, she just couldn’t go through with acting on those thoughts, as tempting as they were. Sometimes she’d focus too much on the crinkle of his eyes, or his pink lips, the mold of his hands on her body, or even the times his hair was a mess; she almost lost herself so many times before. She doesn’t think she’d be able to honestly look him in the eye if she did something like that, but it made her inquire if Nanami had thought of her in that way as well.

Hell, it was hot.

Tiana’s body seemed to be reacting to Nanami in a way that she forgot it could, and it scared her. It felt as if she had been possessed.

And when they pulled up to her house, even she was surprised by the way she asked her next question.

“Do you wanna come inside?”

It was as if the words had been shelled in candied honey, and Nanami struggled to swallow them. Tiana didn’t wait for an answer, just slid out the car, her dress that had been bunched at her thighs falling back down. She gently closed the door, strutting to the trunk and grabbing the basket of goods so they could be refrigerated properly. She continued, swaying up the stairs in a hypnotizing fashion, Nanami watching as he gripped the steering wheel.

“Calm down.” He huffed, unbuckling his seatbelt. “She didn’t mean anything else by that statement. Just…go upstairs.”

So he did, but he didn’t go into her home, instead spoke to her from outside with her door swung wide open. He could hear her putting stuff into her fridge and cabinets. So he starts rambling to ease the discomfort in his pants.

“I hope you enjoyed the date.” He says. “We can go again anytime you like.”

A cabinet shuts abruptly in response, causing Nanami to jolt.

“Speaking of, we should really go driving again. But whenever you want to, no pressure.”

Tiana couldn’t hear him at all, it was as if swabs were sticking out of her ears. Her hands shook as she battled with what she should or shouldn’t do. She walked back up to Nanami who stood rigidly outside her door like a statue. One glance and she knew he felt it too, but then he started avoiding her eyes.

Nanami swallowed, right outside the lion’s den. He knew once he stepped in, it would be a wrap for him. He could only keep himself off of her for so long. He had better take his leave now.

So, he pats his pockets anxiously, clearing his throat, Tiana standing in front of him with alluring eyes.

He shouldn’t.

“Well,” His voice trembles as he rocks on his heels, preparing to pivot. “I think I should g-”

Tiana grabs his collar, yanking him down to her lips as if they were a crisp apple and her name was Eve, eager to explore a level of sin unbeknownst to her. Nanami grunted in surprise, but fell into the animalistic pattern, feet scuffling inside the building as he clumsily kicked the door closed, his large hands encapsulating Tiana’s heated face after fumbling with the lock. His eyelids pinched together, and they tumbled out of their shoes, tripping over them in the process. Noses knocked, and Nanami’s glasses fogged as they irritatingly pushed against Tiana’s face, impeding their movements. She huffed, parting from him temporarily to slide them off, but Nanami’s lips demanded to be on Tiana’s body. He cupped her jaw, lips searing into her neck as his other arm scooped her up, wading them backward into the island counter. It caught Tiana off guard so badly that a nervous “oh” brushed past her lips, along with a rush of giggles.

It shocked her, to say the least, so much so that her breathing stopped.

Maybe it’s because she hadn’t done anything like this in a while and she had gotten rusty, but dammit, what did that make Nanami? Was he just naturally good at this? Or maybe, he just wanted her that badly?

Her heart stopped.

“I…I-” She tried to speak between kisses, but Nanami caught each protest in his mouth and chewed on her words. It felt as if he were drunk on her presence alone, the dipping feeling in his gut put him in a state of delirium; he was losing his mind, and he was happy to do so as long as he lost it to her. Tiana began to grip his shirt, threateningly so, pinching a bit of skin as she grappled for his attention.

It took everything in him to pull away from her, searching her face with concern as he too tried to catch his breath.

“You okay?” He panted, cupping her face and examining her dewy eyes. Why was he making her cry again? Did he go too far?

“I’m…sorry…” She heaved, her chest rising and falling rapidly, her forehead nudging his chin in shame. She couldn’t look at him. “I couldn’t…breathe…”

“I’m sorry, love.” Nanami wrangled her in tightly, probably stopping her from breathing as deeply as she should, but he needed to be connected to her somehow. He didn’t want to let her go.

Nanami kissed her forehead, then her eyelids, next her cheek, trailing all the way down to her jaw. Each time, Tiana huffed in response, biting her lip as her brows knitted together as if she were annoyed, but her body said otherwise. It curved into Nanami’s perfectly.

Tiana was scooped into his arms, head splayed on his broad chest as he carried her to her bedroom.

Tiana didn’t protest as Nanami pushed her door open gently, walked into the dark room and laid her on the bed as if she were the most precious jewel in the world. And to Nanami, she truly was.

Tiana just laid back, her eyes squeezed shut as Nanami hovered over her, heads butting as the slow and sensual kisses turned into something much more gaudy. Tiana pressed her knees together, thighs squeezing even tighter as Nanami’s hand trailed up her dress, skimming past her shorts, and to her abdomen. His fingertips dragged against her skin, and Tiana felt as if she had belly flopped onto the sun’s surface. Nanami flattened his palm gently, the center of his hand resting over an area with thick, raised skin, and Tiana’s stomach sucked inward. It felt as if her intestines had concave. And instead of those beautiful moans, Nanami was taken aback when he heard a sharp inhale, almost like a hiss.

Nanami honed in on her body language, the death grip on his shoulders, the trembling out of fear; he knew these patterns all too well. And it was enough to knock him into a state of sobriety. He pauses, raising himself off of her slightly.

“N…Nanami?” Tiana dizzily spoke, almost impatiently as she lifted herself onto her elbows to peer at him through the dark.

Nanami knows what’s bound to happen next. He knows what will happen if he tells Tiana not to push herself, then she will force herself to do this just to prove a point. And he doesn’t want her thinking he doesn’t want this, that he doesn’t want her, because of course he did. He needed her, and as embarrassing as it sounded, he had dreamed of this moment. But she would always come first, especially before his carnal desires.

So he nudges her forehead with his, exhaling slowly to reel himself in.

“I don’t have…I didn’t bring…”

And even if it was a convenient excuse, he was being honest. He hadn’t planned for the date to go this route, and it seemed kind of douchey to carry condoms around in his wallet like some sort of playboy. How would he even explain it to Tiana if she had ever found it? She'd probably think he was expecting something from her, or worse.

Tiana, who was at first under the impression that he had changed his mind, sighed heavily as she threw her head back onto her mattress. She thought at first that maybe, just maybe, she had come on much too strong, but this made much more sense. Of course Nanami would think like that. He didn’t know that Tiana was in a position where a piece of rubber wouldn’t make any difference for her, and she honestly didn’t know how to tell him. She chewed on her lip, her face contorting into that expression she usually did when she began thinking too hard.

“Tiana?” Nanami said breathlessly. “Are you okay?”

Should I tell him?

She lifts her head up again, her mouth attempting to form words she never dared to utter to herself.

“Nanami, I-”

But she stops herself. Exhaling again, her head drops back onto the mattress in defeat.

“I’m fine.”

Tiana heeds the warning. Maybe it was a sign that she should stop, that she wasn’t as emotionally ready as she thought she was. Maybe right now wasn’t the right time. Explaining that to Nanami would open a can or worms she herself wasn’t ready to acknowledge. And she didn’t want him to be disappointed in her.

“Hey,” Nanami pushed his nose against hers in a begging manner. “Tell me.”

“Ken, I’m alright.” Tiana reassured him with a whisper, and her endearing smile. “I promise you.”

How could she make a promise that was already broken?

And who was Nanami to judge?

While the tension dissipated, left in its place was passion, and Nanami would be damned if he made Tiana feel unwanted in this situation, or ever at all. So he dotted soft pecks on her face, rolling them over so that they were on their sides, facing each other. Tiana couldn’t stop the rush of giggles exuding from her, as they looked at each other with utmost compassion. Tiana was able to spot a bit of brown in Nanami’s eyes as they simmered down, their breaths synced as they inhaled each other slowly. Nanami looked so disheveled; his hair tousled about and clothes wrinkled. She could only imagine how wild her appearance was.

“Do you…” She muttered, her voice beginning to rasp. “Want some hot chocolate?”

Nanami knew she didn’t mean the regular kind.

“As much as I would love some,” Nanami chuckles, “I have to wake up early tomorrow for work.”

Tiana knew it couldn’t be helped, but she couldn’t stop the slight twinge in her heart.

“Stay the night. Please.”

Nanami doesn’t hesitate to answer.

“Of course.”

Nanami already had some clothes here, his stuff resided in her bottom drawer. The only thing he didn’t have was clothes for tomorrow, so he’d just have to suffer and wake up a bit earlier to pick them up from home. But he didn’t mind if it meant being with Tiana just a millisecond longer.

He shuffles up, quick to turn away from Tiana as he rummages through the drawer. Tiana pushes her hair back as Nanami scoops up his things, about to leave the room to the guest bathroom.

“Just use mine.” She says, turning on her bedside lamp. Nanami pauses for a moment, laughing under his breath before walking to her bathroom. He gives her an awkward nod before closing the door. Tiana waits for the sound of water spouting out, then the sound of the glass door rolling open then shut before flopping back on the bed. She grabs her pillow, screaming into it as she flails around, throwing a makeshift tantrum as her face burns like a Bunsen. And in the bathroom, Nanami stood under bone chilling water, his fists propping him up against the tile walls as he swore silently. Droplets rolled down his body in shivering waves. He refused to revel in debauchery when the woman of his affection was on the other side of the door.

Tiana laid sprawled on the bed for a moment, staring at the smooth ceiling, listening to the sound of running water. She hoists herself up, dress falling back into place as she walks toward her full mirror, staring owlishly at her appearance.

She uses the back of her hands to press underneath her chin.

I think I gained some weight, she thought.

She breathes in, then out, then in, hands meticulously gathering at the hem of her dress, slowly dragging it up her legs, past her shorts, and below her bust. She exposed her stomach, along with the textured cesarean scar that dragged below her navel, and if she dipped the band of her shorts down, she would be able to see the rest of it that turned that dark blemish into an upside down “T”. She traced the embossed flesh carefully, pressing her palm against her stomach to flatten the slight pouch.

He had felt it. She guaranteed that he did.

“Tia!”

The name causes Tiana to jolt, her ruffles falling back down, eyebrows pressed together in perplexity. Did he just call her “Tia”? He had never done that before. And with the way her stomach sank, she wished he hadn’t.

“Y-Yeah?” She answered.

“Can you grab my soap from the other bathroom?”

Tiana shakes off her inhibitions, trying not to think too much about that silly nickname. “Just use mine!” she calls back.

“I’m not sure I like the idea of smelling like-”

There’s a slight pause, then the sound of bottles knocking together.

“Vanilla and cocoa butter kisses?” He snorts. Tiana marches up to the door, a smile itching below her nose.

“Just use the soap, man! It is not that deep.”

“Okay, but don’t come at me for using too much-”

“A quarter sized amount, Nanami!”

Tiana hears him laugh, and rolls her eyes, walking back to her bed and plopping on it. She runs her fingers messily through her hair, sectioning it to cornrow it for the night.

As she finishes the last braid of four long ones down her upper back, Nanami comes out of the bathroom in a white tee and black boxers. He ran a towel rigorously through his hair as Tiana gathered her own nightwear; something much more modest than she would wear if it were just her by herself. Which was usually nothing.

“I’ll go dry my hair.” Nanami says, heading towards the door.

“You can stay.” Tiana suggests. “As long as you keep your hands to yourself.”

Nanami squints his eyes, a small smile creeping up his lips. He drapes the towel over his head. “Alright.

Tiana’s mouth skewed to the side, and she nodded her head towards her bed.

“Come on. I’ll dry your hair.”

Nanami raises a brow.

“But I thought you told me-”

“Shut up.”

“Yes ma'am.”

Tiana sits on her bed, Nanami sitting on the floor with his legs crossed with his head gently stationed between her knees. Tiana ran her dryer on low, running her fingers through his hair to fluff it out a bit. She puckers her lips, feeling the texture of his hair.

“Did you use my moisturizer?”

Nanami turns back to look at her sheepishly. “Only a quarter sized amount.”

Tiana deadpans, turning his head back to the front with an exasperated sigh. But slowly, Nanami’s head drifted elsewhere, following his eyes to the photos pinned on her wall, right above her nightstand. Tiana huffed, reliving memories from her childhood.

“You can’t keep your head still?” She chastises playfully, her eyes flitting to the pictures.

“I’ve always wanted to ask. Is that your prom photo?”

Tiana paused for a second, then continued to rake her fingers through his hair.

“Yeah…it is.”

“You look…beautiful.”

Nanami kept quiet after that, knowing that Tiana would share when she was ready. So with the slight shift of her weight, she explained a bit.

“My sister, Lottie and I, we weren’t allowed to have prom dates back then. So it’s a bit of a secret.” She chuckled, thinking back to that night. “Can I trust you with it?”

“I don’t know…” Nanami’s voice is low as he plays along. “I tell my girlfriend everything.”

Almost everything.

Tiana chuckles softly, the scent of vanilla warming the room. “Well, we kind of went on a whim. Ray and I were really close at one point…until we weren’t. Lottie went with her secret boyfriend, Travis, and she’s engaged to him now. Oh, if her daddy knew, he’d probably have the poor guy locked up in his cellar. Ray is…doing fine from what I hear..”

“Do you still-”

“Keep in touch?” Tiana paused her hands, leaning down to look at him. “Why, scared you’ll have some competition?”

Nanami was silent.

Tiana laughed, pressing a kiss on his forehead. “Don’t worry your pretty, blonde head. He and Lottie do the upkeep around my ma’s house since I’m not there. And even then, I don’t contact him directly. I don’t think I really have the strength to.”

Nanami leaned his head on Tiana’s knee. The way she dipped into that southern lullaby made him feel heavy.

“He did like me, but only because he had a hard battle with grief at a young age.” Tiana’s voice turned solemn. “His girlfriend passed, or rather, she disappeared and no one knows what became of her. I wasn’t close with her, we hated each other. People thought we would get along because we looked so much alike, but she was a feisty thing. I was more…reserved.” She chuckles, swirling patters into Nanami's head at this point. "I wasn't quiet, but I kept my circle small."

Tiana turns the blow dryer off, placing a hand on Nanami’s head in thought. It was warm.

“I didn’t understand Ray’s grief at the time. I hated him for it, because I felt like he was pushing it off on me. I felt like it put a rift between us, and I regret not saving him when I could. But, back then, I didn’t get it.”

Tiana pauses, eyes flitting down.

“Until I did.”

She chews on her lip, patting Nanami’s head. She didn’t mean for the tone to get so somber.

“Alright, I’m done.”

She swings her leg around his head, walking to the bathroom with a sense of urgency.

“Hey, Tiana.” Nanami called. She didn’t respond, just stood there with her things in her hand.

Nanami swallowed, running a hand through his hair.

“It’s not your fault.”

Tiana doesn’t respond, just walks into the bathroom, and shuts the door gently. Nanami sits there, staring at the photo, arm resting on his legs.

His phone rings from his jean pocket, and he gets up, walking towards the folded pile of worn laundry. He digs into his pocket, pulling his phone out, his face drooping into a frown. He waits until he hears the sound of running water from the bathroom before he slides his thumb across the screen, accepting the call. A call he had been dreading to receive.

Because somewhere in this beautiful lie he colluded, he himself forgot the harsh truth.

“Uncle.” He answers with a hard swallow.

When Tiana comes out of the steaming bathroom, a long t-shirt cascading down her body and a pair of boy cut shorts underneath, she notices that Nanami isn’t there anymore. She walks out of her bedroom door and down the hall to see Nanami sitting in the living room, watching the television on low volume. She blinks tiredly, adjusting her bonnet.

“You coming to bed?” She asks, and Nanami turns abruptly, as if he had been caught in an act.

“Yeah.” He says, but it feels chilled. “Just wanted to get some laundry done.”

Tiana nods, walking to the kitchen. Maybe she was overreacting, but one thing was for sure. She didn’t like this feeling. Not one bit.

Tiana does her best to quietly grab a cup, then reaches inside her fridge to grab a bottle of wine that was one sip from skimming the bottom. She huffs, pouring the rest into the cup quickly, then downs it in an attempt to get that warmth back. She sniffles, wiping her nose as it runs a bit, tossing the cup noisily into the sink.

“You alright?” Nanami calls.

Tiana places her hands on her sink, shaking her head.

“Yeah. Just needed some water.”

Nanami went into Tiana’s room after tossing his clothes into the dryer, her soft breaths murmuring through the dark room. He sets the door ajar as not to disturb her, and crawls in on the other side. The way they were laying, Tiana faced away from him, and because of his own guilt, he felt as if he were being shunned. He exhales, scooting closer with his eyes fluttering shut. But not even a second after, Tiana shuffled around to face him, his eyes meeting hers in the dark.

“I thought you were asleep.” He whispered.

“I couldn’t.” She whispered back, scooting closer. Nanami caught the faded scent of cherries. “I was cold.”

Tiana reaches under the covers, searching for Nanami’s hand, and successfully grabbing it. Nanami gave a low chuckle.

“I thought you told me to keep my hands to myself?”

“Shut up.”

Tiana took his hand and placed it on the small of her back, and Nanami took the liberty to pull her closer. Both their hearts hammered, and every few beats they would knock together at the same time. Nanami closed his eyes, savoring the sweetness of this moment as Tiana concealed her face in his chest, and he placed his chin on her forehead.

Because bitterness was bound to greet him in the morning.

When Nanami’s alarm went off at three in the morning, he didn’t budge not once. Nor did he at 3:05 am, 3:10 am, or 3:15am. So Tiana, tangled in his body, blindly reached for his phone to turn it off for the umpteenth time, her patience wearing thin as her sleep continuously got interrupted by the most obnoxious alarm choice.

“Nanami…” Tiana groggily called, poking his cheek. “Your alarm…you gotta get up…”

Nanami grunted, and simply wrapped his arms around her tighter, like a child refusing to get up for school.

“Nanami-” Tiana nudged him again, but he was conked out. Nanami was always difficult to wake up in the morning, but never to this extent. He must have been exhausted.

“And you did all that for me yesterday.” Tiana pushed some of his hair off his face. “If you knew you had to wake up early, you should have gotten some rest.” She pecks him on the nose, maneuvering from his strong grip. “But I appreciated it.”

After fighting Nanami for freedom in his slumber and silencing the rest of his alarms, she decided to let him sleep in. She brushed her teeth, the faint taste of wine on the back of her tongue. She then goes to her laundry room, grabbing his slightly wrinkled clothes and putting a nice crease in them with the iron. After hanging them on some spare hangers, she goes to the kitchen, laughing to herself as she hears his barbaric snores echoing through her home. She cooks a quick breakfast; some instant porridge with some of the leftover fruits from yesterday, and toasted sourdough. As she pours a thermos of to-go tea for him, she hears hushed swears and a bunch of loud footsteps which were begging to be a noise complaint. She screws the cap on the thermos, places a lid on his breakfast, and turns around with her arms folded.

“You awake, sleeping beauty?” Tiana calls as Nanami bursts into the kitchen with toothpaste staining the corner of his mouth.

“I’m gonna be so late, I don’t have time to change-”

“Woah, slow down, Kento. I gotchu.” Tiana says, flattening her palms on his chest to calm him down. “I ironed your clothes from yesterday. It’s not business attire, but it’s better than showing up wrinkled.” She said, wiping at the corner of his mouth.

“Why didn’t you wake me?”

“I tried.” Tiana said matter-of-factly. “Multiple times. But, you looked like you needed the rest. So…I let you sleep in.”

Nanami wanted to protest, but he couldn’t find a good reason to. And she went out of her way to make sure he was set to sail. He ought to be grateful. So he places a quick, minty kiss on her cheek.

“I’m sorry, love. Thank you.” He says quickly, grabbing his clothes and popping back into her room to get dressed. Flutters erupt in her stomach. It was the same silly nickname he used yesterday.

Nanami pops out of the bedroom, adjusting his collar. Tiana has his breakfast on the island counter waiting on him, next to his glasses. She slides them onto his face gently, a small smile on her lips. His hair wasn’t styled back as it usually was, and he looked so handsome. She couldn’t help but gaze at him.

“Have a good day at work, okay?” She says, smoothing his clothes.

“I’m sorry you’re up earlier than you’re supposed to be.”

“It’s fine. I don’t have to go in until noon. I can get more sleep.”

If only she knew that Nanami purposely set her day up that way.

Nanami chews on his lip, and Tiana catches something desperate in his eyes. And before she could properly process it, his lips were on hers.

“Nanami-?” Tiana giggled, a bit confused as he pushed his body against her. Her words broke apart between the kisses. “You…have to…go…to work!”

“What if we continued where we left off last night?” He asked, but for some reason, his voice echoed with anguish. And when he pulled away from her to hear her answer, his eyes looked somewhat regretful.

“Nanami?”

He blinks once. Then twice. On the third one, he backs up, grabbing his things as he apologized profusely.

“I’m sorry. It’s much too early for that.” He said.

“It’s never too early. You’re just late.” Tiana pauses. “To work.”

Nanami nods. “Yeah. To work.”

He kisses her one more time, then takes his leave. Tiana watches from her doorway until he drives off into the dark, her fingers tracing her lips. That last kiss seemed to suck all the warmth from not only her body, but her home. At first she thought it was because Nanami had left her presence.

But in reality, Tiana has never had a kiss that tasted so lonely.

Nanami arrives at the office with just a few minutes to spare, catching quite a few people by surprise with how casually he was dressed. He ignores them, making his way to the elevator and pushing the button to the top floor. The elevator stops on floor five, Shoko walking in with her head glued to her phone. She looks up to throw a nod to whoever was her elevator buddy at the moment, but when she looks up, she realizes it’s Nanami. She raises a brow, popping a sucker from her mouth.

“What the hell are you wearing?” She bluntly asks. Nanami doesn’t even look her way.

“Don’t ask.”

Shoko just shrugs, going back to her phone. They ride the elevator up in silence, until it stops three floors before the top, Gojo loudly sliding in with a glazed donut in his hand, Geto only a step behind.

“Oh?” Gojo says, lifting his shades. “Oh, oh, oh?” He taunts the blonde, and Nanami grips his thermos.

“Can you shut up?” Nanami says, but Gojo just keeps talking.

“So Mr. CEO thinks he can dress however he wants now, huh? Starting the week off strong, I see.” Gojo tilts his head as the doors slide closed, the carrier lurching up.

“I was running a bit late.”

“Late? The Nanami Kento, running late? That’s unheard of.” Gojo teases, stepping even closer. “You must have had a puh-ret-ty busy night.”

“Nothing happened last night.” Nanami quickly defends himself, and realizes he said way too much than he should have. Gojo gives a fake pout, blue eyes wide as he looks at Nanami over his circular rims.

“Aw, didn’t get any?” Gojo mimics a whine, and Nanami clenches his jaw. “Is that why you’re so wound up tight this morning?”

Shoko smacks the back of his head as the doors slide open, throwing his head forward.

“Ow?” He chirps, looking at Geto. “Babe, defend me! I just got assaulted!”

“Better her than me. You deserved it.” Geto says, walking out of the elevator. Shoko walks past him, running her shoulder into his side.

“Quit it. We’ve got work to do.” She says. Gojo rolls his eyes, giving a melodramatic salute.

“Aye, aye, Captain Killjoy!”

They walk out of the elevator, and Nanami beelines to Shoko’s office. She sat in her swivel chair, spinning to her desk and immediately starting on the small stack of papers in front of her. Nanami had never known her workload to be this miniscule.

“That was kind of out of character for you.” Nanami says at the doorway, leaning his hip on the frame. Shoko looks up at him with a look of indifference.

“And the way you were acting this morning wasn’t?” She shot back, and Nanami folds his lips in. She looks at his attire, then the breakfast that was packaged with care. His whole demeanor had changed so much in the past year. He was almost unrecognizable.

He was happier. And Shoko hadn’t seen him this radiant in years.

“As my new boss, shouldn’t you want me to work harder?” She quips, and Nanami nods in agreement.

“You’re right.” He says, pushing himself off the door. “I’m sorry for disturbing you.”

He turns to leave, but Shoko calls out to him again.

“Hey, Nanami.”

He returns, eyebrows raised.

“You’ve gone soft.” She deduces. Nanami just nods, smiling as if he got caught.

“Yeah.” He admits. “I know.”

Shoko returns the smile, clicking her tongue.

“I like it. Now, get to work, Mr. CEO.”

Around ten, one of the front desk employee’s popped their head into Nanami’s office, a dark curtain of black hair cascading down her shoulders with dark bangs to match.

“Uh, Nanami-sama?” She asks hesitantly.

“Yes, Utahime?” Nanami says, looking up from his desktop.

“Aren’t you late for your 10 o’clock with Mr. La Bouff? The ‘Baron’ guy?”

Nanami checked the clock on the wall, then his wristwatch.

“Actually, I was just about to call him. He should be here by now, yes?”

“Well, no.” She says, staring at her tablet with Nanami’s intense schedule. “You were supposed to meet him at the other site. Your office in Shibuya?”

Nanami swears under his breath. How could he forget a detail so important? He had purposefully set this day up so that he wouldn’t step foot on this site.

He couldn’t let Tiana run into him.

Nanami jolts up, grabbing his keys. “Call The Baron and tell him not to leave.” The drive would take about an hour, and that’s only if he got lucky enough. “I’m on my way.”

“No need, Mr. CEO.” The door pushes open to reveal a slick grinned Gojo and a heavyset man with a head full of ginger colored hair and a curled mustache to match. “I ran into him on a run and thought it would be less time consuming if he just met you here! Glad I came up with the idea.”

Nanami’s nostrils flared as Eli trotted into the room, adjusting his vest as he looked up at the tall, lanky man.

“Er, yes. Thank ya, uh…whadya’ say yer name was again?”

“Satoru Gojo, at your service.” He said with a pretentious bow. He grabs Utahime’s shoulder, and she yelps in surprise.

“Well, you guys probably have a lot of macho manly stuff to talk about, so I’ll leave you be!” Gojo says, pulling a protesting Utahime out of the door. Eli doesn’t waste any time, turning to Nanami with wide arms and a baritone voice.

“Nephew!” He booms, and Nanami shushes him quickly, striding to the door and slamming it closed. He prayed no one heard his declaration.

"Oh, well sorry!” He chortled. “I forgot you’re so secretive ‘round here.”

He waddles over to the couch, plopping down onto the dark cushions, not paying Nanami any mind as he fumes over to him.

“Uncle, I told you not to come here.” He strained. “People here talk, you know?”

“Ahhh, phooey!” Eli brushes his comment off with his large hand. “Who the hell cares! Just fire ‘em!”

Nanami blows through his nose, pinching the bridge. “Uncle, I’ve worked really hard to get here, so if you could just…”

Eli tuts his tongue, clapping his palm loudly on Nanami’s back, so hard that he jolted forward.

“Ah, I’m sorry, neph.” Eli hums in repentance. “I’m jus’...so damn proud of ya, you know that? If only yer mom and pops could see ya now!” He gives Nanami a once over, then tilts his head in confusion. “Well, maybe not now, now. What the hell ‘er you wearin’?”

“Ah, well I-”

“And yer hair!” He flips one of Nanami’s strands. “It’s gotten long, have you thought about a haircut?”

Nanami’s blood ran cold. “Well I-”

“Yer really lettin’ yerself go, neph!” His voice booms even louder, and Nanami prays no one is walking by. “What’s that tall, lanky, white haired feller’s name? Jogo?” Eli botched the name without a care in the world. “He seems like a fine guy. But them eyes…” Eli shuddered, blubbering his lips as if he had been possessed. “They colder than a baboon’s ass out in the middle of the arctic. He don’ need to be in charge of nuthin’!”

“Uncle.” Nanami’s voice is sharp, and Eli falters a bit, before elbowing Nanami in his side.

“I’m jus’ joshin!” Eli says, chuckling. “Charlotte hates when I talk like this around her, especially with the baby comin’. And her fiancé Travis, as nice as he is, he can be a bit soft and I-”

“Uncle.” Nanami interrupts him, giving him a stern look. “We should really talk about the shares. That’s why you’re here, right?”

Eli boomed with laughter, waving Nanami’s comment away again. In the midst of his obnoxious laughter, Nanami swears he hears shuffling at his door. He wonders if Gojo was still lingering around. If he heard them, everything would be over for him.

And if Tiana heard anything from Gojo…

“Shares? Boy, you know that was a bullshit excuse to write this trip off for taxes.” Eli wiped a tear from his eye. “You should really try it sometime.”

“Then what else is there to talk about right now, on company time? We could have gone to lunch.” Nanami’s voice waned, because he knew why Eli was really here. He just didn’t want to comply.

“Have you met Tiana yet?” Eli asks, and while his lips were curved into a grin, his eyes looked a bit threatening. Nanami swallowed thickly. Tiana, like Charlotte, was obviously his pride and joy.

“I haven’t. Not yet.” Nanami spoke quietly. A lie so bold it was its own typeface.

“She’s been here for ‘bout a year now!” Eli waved his arm around. “You tellin’ me you ain’ run into her at least once? It’s kinda hard to miss her in this, er…environment.”

“I’m sure I have.” Nanami tried to keep his face expressionless. “I’ve just been a bit busy.”

“And that’s why I’m here.” Eli patted Nanami’s knee. “Shit, call her up and I can introduce her to ya’ myself!” He was overcome with a look of nostalgia. “Oh, I haven’t seen my lil’ lilypad in ages! She’ll be so surprised to see me here-”

“Yeah, ecstatic.” Nanami said sarcastically. “But she’s not here right now. She had a half day.”

Eli purses his lips, squinting at Nanami with a fiery gaze. “Yer too busy to talk to her, yet know her schedule ‘fer the day?”

Nanami stayed silent, and he heard more shuffling at the door.

“Ya’ know, I’ve never known a CEO to have trouble gettin’ a hold of one employee.” Eli let out a heavy breath, and Nanami gripped the armrest. “And I’m only saying that to be, quote on quote, ‘politically correct’ as you like to be ‘round here. She’s obviously ain’t like e’ryone else.”

“But hey, I get it, neph.” Eli throws his meaty hands up in defeat. “Yer tryna protect her, make sure you ain’t showin’ no favoritism. Yer keepin’ her safe in yer own way. I respect it. Yer a fair man. Ain’t a lot ‘a business men out there like that anymore.”

“But if Tia’s gonna possibly spend the rest of her life here, cause I hear she’s having a grand ol’ time, I wanna make sure it’s an easy one. She deserves it more than anyone in the world.” Eli shuffles on the cushion, throwing his arm behind the couch. “She needs to know she has someone in her corner here. And it’d probably be a lot less awkward at our family reunions!”

“I don’t attend those.”

“And you should! It’s been ages. Should be easier to get time off now, fer Tia too.” Eli let out a hearty chuckle that caused his belly to roll. “Hell, no wonder she ain’t got no time off to see Charlotte! All these damn half days she’s takin’.”

Nanami turned his head to Eli sharply.

“What do you mean?”

Eli lets out a roll of “ho-ho-ho’s” clutching his chest as if Nanami had said the funniest thing in the world. “Charlotte said Tia had no days off to come see or help her with the baby. She ordered me not to meddle, but now that her cousin is one of the big dogs, I thought maybe you could pull some strings. Be a lot easier if y’all came together. You could make it some sort of business retreat or somethin’.”

Nanami’s heart began to beat wildly out of his chest. Eli didn’t know anything.

But it wasn’t his place to tell.

“We had a few position changes lately.” Nanami’s voice came out raspy, and he tried to shake off his distress. “An employee took another position overseas and it’s left us understaffed in some areas. So yes, it is more difficult for long term vacation periods right now.”

“That’s why Imma make it easier for ya’.” Eli said, rubbing his hands together. “Imma just take you and Tia back with me. Who can say no to me?”

“No.” Nanami sliced his words up quickly, and it seemed to strike something within Eli with how taken aback he looked.

“And why the heck not?” Eli asked. Nanami let out a heavy sigh, trying to come up with some sort of excuse.

“There’s a lot of things that need to be done right now to prepare for new interns, and-”

“Intern, shmintern!” Eli said, not wanting to hear Nanami’s reasons for denying him. “Clear her schedule for the next few weeks, then bing, boom, pow! A lot of things turn to ‘no things’.”

“She just stepped into this position.” Nanami’s voice grew desperate. “It would be better to wait until she’s more secure.” Nanami began spouting whatever he could to deter Eli’s will. “I hear she’s getting ready to move-”

“Y’all will be fine.” Eli dismissed him again. “Just have someone else do it.”

“Uncle Eli, please.” Nanami begged, his voice cracking. Eli tongued his top row of pearls, sighing indifferently.

“You protectin’ the hell outta her.” Eli raised a thick brow, shaking his head.

“I am.” Nanami swallowed, shifting on the couch cushions to turn to his uncle. “Look, I’ll make a deal. I’ll help Charlotte out. I’ll leave a little earlier than I said I would. I can put in a few weeks off for Tiana due to a family emergency since it’s covered under foreign affairs, but only for after the baby is born.” Nanami settles, hoping Eli will stop pressing him afterwards. And if this blew up how Nanami knew it would, Tiana would need that month away.

Maybe a few, really.

Eli ponders on it, his thick brows wiggling as he looks back at Nanami. “Whatchu know about pregnancy?”

“Not a damn thing.”

“Lord, hammercy…” Eli threw his head forward. He turns his head to Nanami, a pitiful smile on his face. “Ya know when she finds out that yer the reason she couldn’t see Lottie’s baby, she’s gonna hate ya’ for good, right?”

Nanami felt as though he had swallowed a brick.

“I know.”

Eli slaps his knees once before hoisting himself up, trotting to the door.

“Alright, fine.” Eli adjusts his vests again, pulling out a thick pocket watch and checking it. “The baby is supposed to be due mid-May, which is about five weeks from now. But if her baby is as impatient as she is, then it’s really a coin toss.” Eli rubbed his temple.

“I can be there in a little over a week.” Nanami interjects. “Gives me time to get my affairs in order.”

“Alright, neph.” Eli gives him another strong clap on Nanami’s shoulders. He gives him a proud look, a beaming smile that makes Nanami’s stomach lurch.

“Yer always going outta yer way for Charlotte. Yer a good man, you know that right?”

Nanami wanted to vomit up the breakfast that he didn’t deserve, prepared by the hands of someone who shouldn’t love him back.

Nanami stares at the tiled ground, clenching his jaw. “I’m…not so sure about that Uncle.”

After a slew of “goodbye’s”, “safe-travels'" and “see-you-soon’s”, Nanami shows Eli the way out, telling him that Utahime will arrange for his transportation back to his hotel.

As he stood there with the door open, he tapped his foot impatiently.

“Alright, come out.” He says to whoever was hiding behind his door. He half expected Gojo to pop out, but instead, it was none other than Shoko. Her arms were folded, and she had another sucker in her mouth. Compared to the look she gave him this morning, she looked utterly disappointed.

Nanami dropped his head, unable to look her in the eye as she spoke.

“Gojo was lurking about earlier.” She warned. “You’re lucky I caught him when I did.” She threw her head back as she took a deep inhale before looking at the solemn man. “As my boss, you can take this however you want, but Nanami? As my friend? What the actual fuck?”

Nanami picks up his hand, dropping it in defeat. He can’t find the right words to say, nor find a way to even begin a proper explanation.

“Wanna go for a smoke break?”

Shoko flared her nostrils, shuffling her feet before snatching the sucker out of her mouth. “I already did. I used my fifteen to walk around trying to find the right damn flavor. You know I’m trying to quit.”

Nanami doesn’t hear her. He looks up with the saddest, brown eyes Shoko has ever witnessed from him. He didn’t even look this sad when Haibara’s body was found.

“Wanna take another one?”

They stood on the roof, elbows propped over the railing as Shoko took a long drag, blowing out into the warm April air. Nanami just stood there, completely dejected. Shoko was the first to speak.

“I know he’s your uncle and all,” Shoko says as smoke pours from her nose. “But that ‘baron’ guy is a real piece of work, ya know?”

Nanami didn’t say anything. Just stood there, staring at the bright blue sky, clouds dotting the atmosphere. How dare the day look so beautiful when Nanami felt so rancid? He wanted to spit on the ground, spite the earth, curse all its inhabitants, throw a fit, punch something, but he had no one to blame but himself.

Debts were due, and now he had to pay in full.

“Are we just gonna stand here, or…?”

Nanami turned to Shoko, nodding to the stick balanced between her fingers.

“Gimme one.”

Shoko choked out a laugh, fanning the smoke from her face to clear her watering vision.

“No.”

“Give it.”

“No.” Shoko said finally. “And I doubt your ‘lil’ lillypad’ would want to kiss someone with tar mouth.” She mocked, and Nanami dropped his head. Shoko kept talking, hoping her words wouldn’t fall on deaf ears.

“And you don’t need it.” Shoko said, waving it towards him. “This is for people with no other options.” She turns back to look at the skyline, taking another long drag. “I’ll give you one when you’ve lost all hope.”

“I have.”

“No you haven’t.” Shoko persists. “You still have a chance. You need to tell her the truth.”

“I can’t.”

“You can.”

“It’s not all my truth to tell.” Nanami’s voice raises a decibel, his frustration peaking. “I can’t…I can’t go back on my word. I made promises.”

Shoko shrugs, popping the cigarette from her mouth and putting it out on the concrete.

“Well you’re gonna have to break them. Or, you can let them break you.”

Nanami just swallows, turning back to that damned blue sky.

Shoko sighs, scratching the back of her head. “Look, Kento. I’m not good with advice, I can be a bit blunter than needed, and I’m terrible at sugarcoating things. But if you ever need me to just listen, I’m all ears. I can at least do that.”

Nanami doesn’t say a word.

He couldn’t face Tiana that afternoon, and when she called to ask if he was coming over and he declined under the notion that he was exhausted, she took it despite the pang in her chest. And the next day, when he skipped out on lunch with her because “something came up”, she swallowed that too. On Wednesday afternoon, she called him twice about helping her pack some stuff to move, and she was shell-shocked that she had to call twice at all, he would always pick up on the first ring. When he didn’t answer her, she shot him a text, her anxiety eating her alive with every short, sharp message she received.

Hey babe. Is everything okay?

Why wouldn’t it be.

Like…are we good?

Yeah, why.

This may sound crazy, but it feels like you’re avoiding me.

Why would I.

Tiana chewed on her bottom lip. Why did it start feeling like when they first met? They had finally made a breakthrough, and it felt like they just took a million steps backwards. She didn’t want to think of the worst case scenario. She didn’t want her mind to drift to unreasonable places. But something was going on, and it felt like everyone around her was in on it except her.

And when her worries got too chaotic, her thoughts would go back to the seed Gojo had planted in the back of her mind. How maybe, just maybe, she didn’t know him as well as she thought she did. She sighed, typing another message and sending it before she lost her nerve.

Is this about what happened Sunday night?

They never talked about it again, they never brought up the idea of sex or how they would continue their relationship if they decided to get physical. If anything, it felt like Nanami had gone cold turkey on her, rejecting her and any idea that seemed to be related. Despite the strange connection to the La Bouf’s, Tiana ignored that in favor of Nanami’s strange behavior. She wondered, deep down, if maybe Nanami had relieved his sexual frustration elsewhere. She wondered if he had cheated on her.

Bzzt!

She looked down to see a single-worded text from Nanami that didn’t relieve her unease at all.

No.

Honestly, she hoped he was cheating on her.

On Thursday morning, on her office desk was a vase of flowers. It shocked her, and people crowded around her office door gushing about her having a secret admirer. Tiana looked at the card attached to see no name, but a terrible doodle of a frog. Tiana frowned.

“I know who this is.” She muttered.

“You do? Then tell us!” Someone urged with excitement. But it soon died when they watched the woman grab the bouquet from its crystal vase, and toss the gorgeous arrangement into her trash bin. She didn’t want flowers. She just wanted to talk.

She wanted to see him.

She wanted to feel that warmth again.

That night, while wrapping some dishware into some old newspapers she used to use to practice her reading, she heard the doorbell ring. When she peaked out the peephole, she saw Nanami standing there with an even bigger arrangement of flowers, timidly running his fingers through his hair. She snatches the door open, her arms folded in irritation.

“Don’t you have a key?”

He swallows before responding with, “I’m sorry.”

Tiana lets her hands fall to her side, walking back to her moving boxes. She didn’t even bat her eyes at the new flowers, though a small part of her thought they were very lovely. She crouches down, returning her attention to her glass plates. “It’s fine, just use the key next time.”

Nanami continues to stand in the doorway.

“I’m sorry.” He says a little louder.

“I said it’s fine.” Tiana doesn’t bother looking up, growing more perturbed as the conversation continues. “What is with you today?” She says, placing the plate on her lap. “Actually, all week you’ve been-” She pauses when she looks back at Nanami, finally noticing that he still hadn't stepped inside. In fact, he looked sick, paler than a dying star.

“Nanami?”

Why did he look so remorseful?

“I’m sorry, Tiana.”

Tiana scrambled up, gently putting the plate in the box, and scurrying to him.

“Hey, hey, what’s wrong?”

“I’m sorry for everything.” He rambled on, the flowers trembling in his hands. “For today, for yesterday. This week. This past year-”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa-?” Tiana tried to pump his brakes, her heart thumping with fear. Apologizing for this week was one thing, and even then this was a bit much. Yeah, maybe she was acting out of emotions earlier when she threw away the first set of flowers, so he probably felt the need to go overboard. But apologizing for the past year? Hell, it hasn't even been a full year since they’ve met. What the hell did he do to have to apologize for 365 days worth of time?

“I’m sorry, Tiana. For everything I’ve done. And everything I am bound to do.”

“Nanami, I don’t know what you’re talking about.” She placed her hands on his chest, her eyes searching for his solemn ones. “You’re scaring the hell out of me.”

Tiana hears a car door slam shut, followed by footsteps and the chatter of colleagues. She pulls Nanami inside, shutting the door gently with the palm of her hand. She turns back to him, continuing where she left off.

“Nanami, I don’t understand.” She walked up to him, grabbing the bouquet and placing it on the counter. She grabs his shoulders, squeezing them gently as he looks at him once over. “Make me understand.”

His head dropped in shame. Yet he still had the audacity to make a request.

“Can I…stay here tonight?”

Tiana frowned. He was dodging her.

“Can you…at the very least tell me what you did?” She tucked in her bottom lip for a moment. “What you’re gonna do?”

He didn’t respond. Tiana shook her head, lips forming a decline.

“Nanami, I don’t know-”

“Please, I swear I’ll tell you.” He begs, and Tiana feels her heart twist. “I swear, I just…need more time…”

Tiana blinks slowly, debating on whether she should tell him to leave or not. But she just couldn’t say no to him. Not now, not ever.

“First, let’s get one thing straight.” Tiana puts her hands up, her eyes scrunched. With each word she places them on his chest in a rough rhythm. “You can never, ever, do what you did to me this past week ever again. And I mean that. You can’t-” Her voice stalled as she got memories of Sunday. The exchange of words. How they almost exchanged bodies. “You can’t…do something like that with me and disappear for almost an entire week. You can’t, ever, be with me like that and completely ghost me. That’s…insanely fucked up.”

“I know-”

“No, you don’t know.” Tiana says. “Because if you did, if you truly did, you would have never done that. That…fucking hurt, Nanami. How am I supposed to trust you or anything you say if you turn around right after and treat me like that?

Nanami swallowed. There weren’t enough sorry’s he could say to fix this. There weren’t enough sorry’s to fix anything.

“Are we clear?’ Tiana’s voice had an edge to it, so sharp that it pierced Nanami’s heart. He nodded, but he couldn’t look her in the eyes.

She nods her head in return, squeezing his shoulders, then letting go. Her hands lingered a bit, but she looked so dejected. Not once did she say she forgave him, and not once did he expect her to.

“Are you hungry?” She asks, walking to the kitchen.

Here she was, still having enough heart to take care of him, when really he should be the one consoling her.

God, he had fucked up.

Nanami helped Tiana pack some of her things, not once opening up about whatever the hell he had screwed up, and Tiana waited. She waited, and waited, and waited, but to no avail. He didn’t provide her an answer, yet she still provided a space in her bed. On her balcony, she poured a glass of wine that threatened to flow over the rim, and downed it in record time. This artificial warmth kept her company these past few days since she couldn’t get it from Nanami, but it couldn't compare; it was an imitation copy that couldn't compare. Not only that, but she felt she needed a glass or three to get through the night without entering an emotional screaming match.

How could he do this to her? How could he speak to her in such a loving tone one day, and cut her off completely with his words the next? How could she go from craving his touch to not wanting to be near him at all? She couldn’t understand what went wrong in such a short amount of time.

After another glass that left her slightly disoriented, she went back into her home, placing the empty bottle in the trash, and trudging to her room. She hesitantly crawled into bed, and even when Nanami threw his arm over her in his sleep out of habit, she still felt lonely.

So cold.

This was a chill even alcohol couldn't dissipate.

In the wee hours of the morning, Nanami’s phone went off. Tiana, disoriented and irritated, peeled herself out of Nanami’s grasp to turn off what she assumed was an alarm, only to see the caller ID “Lots” with a pink bow emoticon next to it. She blinks, squinting as her eyes adjusted to the brightness of the screen.

“Huh?” She muttered, her head spinning as she tilted it in the dark.

She didn’t dare answer, just let it ring until the notification screen popped up, showing ten missed calls and three, four, five new messages and counting. Tiana looked at the corner of his phone, the time reading 2:27 am.

Who the hell could be calling Nanami at two in the damn morning?

With a name as coincidental as “Lots”?

Then another message appeared, this time from “La Bouf”, and Tiana could have shot straight into the ceiling. She couldn’t read it properly, something about a visit and a plane ride, her vision blurred the rest. All she had the strength to do was click on the contact information; she immediately recognized the number. It was the same ten digits as it’s always been. He had made sure to ingrain it in her memory, though she barely used it herself.

It was Eli La Bouf.

Tiana dropped the phone on Nanami’s face.

He shot up, startled, hands clenching the blanket that gave them both a false sense of security, rubbing his cheek. He licked his lips as his eyes shuffled around in their sockets, before they finally focused on petrified Tiana.

“Tiana…?” His voice cracked as he groggily rubbed his eyes.

“Your-” Her voice pitched. “Your phone was ringing, so…”

Nanami shuffled around the blankets, finally grabbing the device.

“So I tried to silence it…”

Nanami squinted at the screen, the brightness casting his silhouette overhead, towering over Tiana’s shivering body. Immediately, his eyes widened with awakeness. He shuffled out of bed, tossing the blanket to Tiana’s side, tapping away on his phone.

“I gotta-”

“Yeah…” Tiana choked. Nanami walks out the room quickly, phone to his ear, and Tiana swears she hears the voice of a woman. He shuts the door behind him, and Tiana crumples into her pillows.

Don’t cry, she thinks. Don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry.

Tiana was confused, her temples inflamed with a tension she couldn’t describe. Gojo warned her that their company dealt with the La Bouf’s for business. And if “Lots” was who she thought it was…

They wouldn’t, Tiana thought. They wouldn’t, they couldn’t. It was impossible. Nanami wouldn’t lie to me.

Tiana swallowed.

Lottie wouldn’t lie to me.

He had to be cheating.

She prayed that he was cheating.

She needed him to.

Gojo had to have been messing with her, trying to get in her head. That’s the only explanation she allowed herself to understand, and she didn’t want to think about it any further.

Tiana heard footsteps approaching her bedroom door, and she stilled her body, and her tears. She slowed her inhales, despite the fact that she couldn’t seem to breathe. She heard Nanami push the door open, tiptoe to the bed under the assumption that Tiana had fallen back to sleep. He crawled in, wrapping himself around Tiana as if she would leave at any moment, and it took Tiana everything in her not to claw her way out of his grasp.

He buried his face in the middle of her back, and Tiana felt something wet.

He was crying.

Why was he crying? Why was he the one upset when he was doing this to her? When he was inflicting pain on the both of them, knowingly?

“I’m sorry.”

The words mince her ears. Tiana had never gotten so nauseous from hearing those two words.

Tiana doesn’t know when, or how she fell asleep. But when she awoke, Nanami was gone. Only a cold chill was left behind in the divot where he laid, and the growing hole in her heart.

Nanami came back that Friday afternoon, and it was the same routine; packing Tiana’s things in a chilling silence, quietly downing a cold meal, and sleeping back to back in a passionless bed. Tiana laid awake for hours, waiting for Nanami to fall asleep, and when his loud snores finally ricocheted off the walls, she climbed out of bed and quietly toed her way to his side. Her heart rate spiked, watching his face while he slept; his eyelashes were bedazzled with fresh tears as he wept in his sleep. She let out a shaky breath, creeping her hand to the night stand that held his phone. She swipes it, still watching to make sure he didn’t suddenly awake. She taps his screen, a picture of her on the day they went to market, her fingers gracefully tapping the windchimes as the sun radiated around her, the light catching in her eyes to the point where it looked like a hearth. Tiana covered her mouth, trying to stifle any sounds threatening to come out.

She has never had a reason to go through Nanami’s phone, nor did he have a reason to go through hers. She knew this was a new low for her, but she was desperate to find out something. Anything. She wanted to be right when it came to the possibility of him being unfaithful. She just had to check for herself, then those other delusions could go away. Those other possibilities would become nonexistent.

Maybe the feeling of betrayal would lessen.

But when she slid her finger over his screen, it showed a passcode. And not the usual 9-dotted one where you swiped intricate patterns, or even a simple four digit pin. Not even a fingerprint or facial recognition.

It was a password. As in, the entire keyboard popped up.

Neither of them had passwords on their phones before right now.

She went to the kitchen, downed half a bottle of wine, then went to bed.

Tiana awoke to the smell of breakfast wafting in on a gloomy Saturday morning; the spice of cinnamon mixed with the grease of pork tickled her nose, but as much as she enjoyed food there was nothing joyous to be felt. She just frowned, shuffling out of bed. She took her time getting ready, brushing the taste of apricot from the back of her tongue and popping a few tabs to nurse an incoming headache. She washed her face profusely with bone chilling water, turning off the faucet and staring at her drowsy reflection. The glow she had on Sunday had dimmed into something unrecognizable. She couldn't believe that the woman gawking at her and the radiant being on Nanami's screen were the same person.

She sniffles, drying her face before exiting her room, and into the kitchen. A decent spread is laid out before her, but she can’t even appreciate it with her eyes. The flowers Nanami had gotten her stood in a green vase in the middle of the island, but the smell was suffocating.

Nanami was drying the last dish when he finally noticed Tiana’s presence. He immediately dried his hands, walking up to her with a smile that seemed sadder than most. He hesitantly places a hand on the small of Tiana’s back, and her face winces. Nanami tries to ignore it, liking his lips in preservation.

“Good morning…” His voice is low with caution, as he tries to get Tiana to at least look at him.

“‘Morning.” Her voice is lifeless.

Nanami hesitates for a moment, then leans in to give Tiana a peck on the lips, and her stomach lurches forward so much that she feels as if she’s going to vomit out her insides. She rolls her head away, the kiss landing on her strained cheek instead. Tiana lets in a sharp inhale, grabbing Nanami’s hand and sliding it off her body carefully. She immediately looks at the food, she knows the current expression on his face would be unbearable, and she didn’t want him catching the revulsion in her eyes.

“You made breakfast?” She says, brushing past Nanami. A chill runs down his spine, and he rubs his face with an open palm.

“Yeah, yeah. I did.”

“Is this another form of an apology?”

Silence.

“Nanami, how am I supposed to accept this,” Tiana clutches her stomach, “If I don’t even know what you’re apologizing for?”

“You…still need to eat.”

God, he was so dodgy now.

“I ain’t hungry.”

“You haven’t been eating much this past week.”

“And why is that?”

“Tiana, just-”

“Trust you?”

More silence. Tiana sucks her teeth, turning back to Nanami, her nostrils flaring.

“Tell me this.”

Nanami omits the word “anything”, instead saying a low “Okay.”

“You know the La Bouf’s?”

Nanami blinks. “I do.”

Tiana felt as though she were gut punched. “How?” She asks.

“They’re-”

Nanami slows his speech, the truth on the tip of his tongue. It would take nothing to tell her right now, but he would be risking everything. He really should just rip the bandage off, bite the bullet, and tell Tiana everything she deserved to know.

But he couldn’t.

He had to protect her for just a while longer.

“They’re a huge sponsor and business partner of ours.” Nanami swallows. It was a part of the truth, but not the entire story. He was omitting facts.

He was still a liar.

And he hated liars. How could he become that which he hated?

The answer did anything but satisfy Tiana. She couldn’t detect a lie, but she knew that wasn’t everything to it.

“We’ve been having a few complications with contracting, and they don’t really take note of the time difference, so I’m always on call.”

“Is that who called the other night?”

Nanami hesitates, then nods his head. “Yeah.”

“So why did you lock your phone?”

Nanami’s face tightened, then turned ghostly pale. “You-”

“I went through your phone. Or at least tried to.” Tiana admits. “There was a lock on it. Why?”

Nanami falters, then reaches into both pockets, sliding two phones on the counter. They looked identical.

“I, uh…” Nanami fumbles with his words, “I have two phones now. One for work, and my personal line.”

Tiana tapped both the screens, his personal line having a picture of her and the work line having the default wallpaper. She slides her fingers across both screens, and his personal unlocks with no restrictions. The other one asks for a password.

Her lips curl, anger swelling in her stomach.

Did he think she was this stupid?

“La Bouf.” Tiana tongues her cheek. “That’s my sister’s last name.”

Nanami’s eyes darted around. “You never mentioned that before.”

“No, I haven’t. Crazy how small the world seems these days.”

Nanami turns his head to look towards the balcony door.

“Very.”

Tiana scoffs. Unbelievable.

“I’m not apologizing for what I did.” Tiana leans away from him, sliding the phones away from her as if they scorched her hand.

“I don’t expect you to.” Nanami’s head dropped, and it pissed Tiana off even more. How could he sit there pitifully yet play her to be the fool? What the hell was he thinking?

“You don’t have to apologize. You have every right to feel that way.” Nanami continued, and Tiana felt herself combust.

“Then give me a reason not to!” She slammed her hand flat on the counter. “Give me a reason to feel guilty for snooping through your stuff! Give me a reason to forgive you! Give me a reason…” Her voice collapsed in her esophagus. “To trust you again.”

He didn’t look at her. He just tongued his cheek, glaring at the ground.

“Nanami, please.” Tiana hesitantly reached for his hand, but eventually intertwined her hand into his own. She just couldn’t believe that the hands that once held her so warmly would be attached to someone who would deliberately go out of their way to hurt her. She didn’t believe this was the same man she met a year ago. She couldn’t believe that this was the man she fell for.

What happened this week?

“Please…don’t do this to me.” Water caught on her bottom lids. “Don’t do this to us.”

Nanami skews his lips to the side, mouth opening and closing as he tries to find something intelligible to say. Something to soothe her. But he couldn’t. He tilted his head, shaking it slowly.

“Tiana…”

“No.” Tiana snatched her hand back, cradling it to her chest. “No, if you’re going to spout some bullshit excuse, then just go.”

“Tiana, if you’ll just-”

“Go!” She motioned towards the door.

Nanami shuffled his feet for a moment, his heart heavy. He leaned over, giving Tiana a hurried peck on her eyebrow, and she cringed away, hugging her elbows. He walks past her, shuffling on his shoes, leaving a sniffling Tiana by her lonesome.

“I’ll call you later.”

“Don’t bother.” She shoots back, hoping her words caused him to hurt as much as she did at the moment.

And it must have, because he didn’t call.

Tiana spent the rest of her Saturday having a strong case of deja vu as she rid herself of that damned cedarwood smell. Windows were flung open, candles were lit, surfaces wiped, floors moped, and sheets changed. Skin was scrubbed and hair was washed. An entire bottle of peach spirit was consumed. Tiana curled under her freshly washed sheets, ruminating on the past few days. Wondering what went wrong. Wondering why nothing ever seemed to go right for her.

Wondering why Nanami didn’t call her, even though she pushed him away.

Wondering why Nanami wouldn’t just tell her the truth.

There was someone else she could call, someone she hadn’t heard from in a while.

Tiana waited until 12:00 am, finally sober enough to have a coherent conversation, and dialed Charlotte’s number. It should be early afternoon in New Orleans, so there should be no excuse about Tiana “calling too early”.

The phone rings once, and goes straight to voicemail, Tiana clenching her phone in her hand. She tries again, and it rings five, six, seven times before Charlotte finally picks up.

“Tia!” Charlotte sings out, and Tiana can tell by her cadence that she’s forcing that sweet tone. It made Tiana sick. “How’s my sister from another mister?”

Tiana takes a moment to respond, blinking hard as she fidgets with the skin around her nails. She rocked back and forth, focusing on breathing and enunciating her words properly.

“Tia?” Charlotte crackles.

“Lottie.” Tiana lets out a strained laugh, slightly maniacal. “You know…I trust you, right?”

Charlotte fumbles an answer, and Tiana’s heart punctures.

“O-Of course!” Charlotte says. “We…trust each other.”

Tiana nods, licking her lips. “You know that if you told me sky was green at the moment, I’d have no other option to believe you because we’ve been through that much.”

“Y-yeah…”

“So, Lottie. Is the sky green right now?”

“I-I don’t think I understand…”

“What haven’t you been telling me?”

A bit of shuffling could be heard.

“Nothin’!” Tiana catches the defensiveness in her voice. “I ain’t got nothin’ to hide.”

“Do you know a man named Nanami Kento?” Tiana asks sharply.

“No-”

“Does your father know a man by that name?”

“And why the heck would I know that?” Charlotte snaps. “You know I don’ mess with anything he does.”

“But I don’t know.” Tiana strains. “Not anymore. Because for so long, you’ve been telling me that the sky was green, Charlotte.”

Tiana crouches over with the phone, her head searing with heat.

“I just want someone to tell me the truth. And you, Charlotte, out of anyone…you’re all I can come back to. So if I can’t trust you…then what the hell are we calling each other sisters for?”

“Tia…” Charlotte’s voice sputters into the speaker. Then there’s a bit of clamoring in the background.

“I-I’ll have to call you back.” Charlotte rushes out. “I’m at the doctor right now.”

Tiana blinks. “Every time I tried to contact you lately, you’re always on an examining table. What’s going on?”

“O-Oh, it’s not for me!” Charlotte stammers. “It's Daddy again, he ain't been feeling too good. You know how he can push himself too hard, can never sit still…like a certain someone I know.”

Tiana sighs, pinching the bridge of her nose. She'd have to discuss this more another time. “Then we’ll talk later. Tell him to get some rest. And let me know if there’s anything I can do. I’ll grab the first plane home-”

“That won’t be necessary!” Charlotte interjects. “It ain’t that serious.”

“Well, just in case-”

“Okay, I’ll tell him, bye!”

The line ends abruptly.

Charlotte sighs, sniffling as she shoves her phone into her clutch. Her doctor eyes her, checking some things off of a wooden clipboard.

“Alright, Ms. La Bouf. Last check up, everything looks good, but…” The doctor chooses their words carefully after hearing her previous conversation. “I’d refrain from anything emotionally taxing right now. We want to make sure it's smooth sailing up to the birth.”

Travis, standing beside her, rubs her tense shoulders.

“Of course, Doc.” Travis plants a kiss in Charlotte’s weighted, blonde locks. “I’ll make sure of it.”

Tiana couldn’t sleep. She couldn’t eat. She couldn’t focus on anything, her mind trying to divvy up fact and fiction, what was reality and what was interpretation. Everything was messily scattered about, but there was a thin thread connecting everything clearly and concisely.

And she was going to get to the bottom of it.

Right now.

The sun was due to rise soon, but the city seemed to mimic Tiana’s anxiousness, wide awake and bustling in the wee hours of the morning as Tiana sped to Nanami’s home. When she pulled into his driveway, his car was nowhere to be found.

She hoped he was cheating.

So Tiana used the sage skeletal key to enter Nanami’s home, and she almost blacked out, tripping over a heavy suitcase that was propped by the door. His scent was strong, with touches of her own style draped around. She wanted to go about, snatching her personifications from around his abode, but it wasn’t her place. So she sat on the edge of his couch, hands folded neatly and balancing her wobbling chin, and waited with low eyes.

And waited.

She heard the sound of crunching gravel, then a long pause. The opening and closing of a car door, then a longer pause. The hesitated shuffling of footsteps to the door. The nervous jingle of keys. The careful click of the lock.

Nanami crept in, his face grim and slightly frightened after finding Tiana posted in the dark.

The air felt like a basket of delicious fruit had been left out to rot in the sun for too long. The facade had finally melted away.

“I didn’t expect you to be here.” Nanami said, hooking his keys by the door. He doesn’t bother to turn on any lights, just removes his shoes and carefully walks up to Tiana, who glared up at him distastefully, eyes red.

It was almost hateful.

“You…” Nanami inhaled. There it was, that fruity smell that he caught lingering from Tiana’s pores lately. It had been getting stronger and stronger, and it pinched at Nanami’s heart. “You’ve been drinking? You smell like alcohol…”

“You smell like smoke.” Tiana slung back at him.

Nanami has nothing to say.

Tiana’s eyes darted to the dark suitcase by the door.

“What’s that?”

Nanami doesn’t have to look to know what she’s talking about.

“A…suitcase.” He says unintelligently.

“Nanami-” Tiana rubs her temples, trying to control the wave of belligerence rolling through her. “I am not with the fucking mind games, I know it’s a damn suitcase. What’s it for?”

“I have to go on a business trip.” Nanami swallows. “For a while.”

“When?”

Nanami’s breath shortens. He was certain Tiana would claw his vocal chords from his throat.

“Today.”

“And you didn’t tell me?!” Tiana’s voice peaked. “Was that breakfast supposed to be your final ‘hoorah’ before sneaking off to-” She pauses, her voice dropping as she rubs her eyes. “Where are you going, Nanami?”

“Out of the country.” He skirts around the answer, but it lights a bomb inside Tiana.

“To where.”

“The states.”

Tiana looks up at him, eyes burning into his soul.

“What state?”

Nanami doesn’t answer. Tiana’s hands grip the couch cushions so she wouldn’t physically lash out at him.

“What fucking state, Nanami?!”

Silence.

Tiana shoots up, causing Nanami to jolt backwards, but Tiana begins pacing the room, voice rising with each word.

“It’s the La Bouf’s, ain’t it?” Tiana shouts, her hands waving around wildly. “What the hell is going on? Everyone is acting so fucking weird; my sister, my assumed boyfriend. Like the whole world is doing something behind my back, because-”

Tiana turns to Nanami, hands pressed into her chest.

“Because you’re my damn world, now!” She screams. “Didn’t anything I said last week mean something to you? Did you even mean anything that you said to me? Or were you just making it up to make me feel good?”

Her words chipped at Nanami’s heart, his knees shaking as he tried to keep his footing. He wanted to reach out to her, but he feared

“Tiana, you know that I love you-”

“No, don’t use that on me right now, don’t say that shit.” Tiana’s mouth burned along with her eyes. “Because I don’t know. I really don’t fucking know anymore, and it's driving me up a wall-”

Her voice breaks down into a wail.

“So just tell me the damn truth, Ken. Whatever it is. I need to hear it from you. I want to hear it from you.”

Nanami clenches his jaw, he couldn’t handle the sight before him. The last time he made her this upset, he couldn’t forgive himself. There was another reason he was so gung-ho on Tiana’s rehabilitation; to smoothen out the feelings of guilt he felt every time he looked at her, to make him feel as though he were a better person than he actually was. But with that came amnesia from his committed crimes as he distanced himself from them, and this was the harsh reality. He truly was a cold-hearted liar, destined to break a heart he helped to mend.

He was destined to hurt the woman he loved the most.

“I can’t tell you right now, at least not everything.” Nanami strains. “It’s not all mine to tell.”

“What the hell does that even mean?” Tiana finds herself growing frustrated with Nanami’s cryptic phrases. She was determined to make him budge.

“I swear I’ll tell you when I get back. I’ll tell you whatever you want-”

“No, no you won’t!” Tiana stands directly in front of him, staring him down as if Nanami were the shorter one. “You’ll tell me now, or not at all, because…” She pauses, wincing as she pulls words from the bottom of her heart that she didn’t ever expect to say. Not to Nanami, at least.

“Because there won’t be anything or anyone to come back to if you don’t.”

Nanami grimaces, his jaw wobbling. “Tiana…”

“If you want any semblance of a future with me, Nanami. If you value us at all, you’ll tell me right fucking now.” Tiana’s nostrils flare as she attempts her strongest voice, the thick streams of tears betraying her. “Right now, or I’m walking out. And I mean that. I've run out of grace for you.”

He should tell her. He should really tell her right now. Risking his life with Tiana for a lie that went on far too long? Absolutely preposterous. Risking late night hot chocolate dates with terrible movie options, or tipsy walks down the cool streets of Sendai? Losing a future of white, sanded beaches and loitering in the sun far longer than either of them could handle. Missing the opportunity of becoming a unit. Just losing Tiana in general, not even being able to hang onto her as a friend, the thought was mortifying.

If he told her, maybe he would be forgiven. Maybe she would see that he was doing this for her and only her, and that he always had her best interest at heart even if everything seemed so convoluted. Maybe she would realize that everything up until now had been so real and tangible that Nanami could grab at it with his finger tips.

But he never told. The words never came.

“Am I not enough for you, now?” Tiana gave a painful laugh. “What’s so important that you’re willing to lose me over?”

“You.” Nanami’s voice splintered off, and Tiana felt a surge of sadness. “You’re that important. I’m trying to protect you.”

“Try telling me the truth. I don’t want your protection. I want your honesty.” Tiana pulled at his shirt, eyes darting around before resting on him one final time. “So, tell me.”

Nanami didn’t say a word.

He just stood there, mouth agape with the truth sitting right on his uvula. The sun began to rise, birds singing sweetly to welcome a new day for the both of them. Such a beautiful sight to celebrate their last day together, especially after Nanami said those two words that Tiana absolutely loathed now.

“I’m sorry.” His voice broke, but Tiana refused to waver. She refused to give him more time, despite the water pooling on his bottom lid.

“Fuck you, Kento Nanami.” Tiana jabbed her finger into his chest, but Nanami couldn’t feel anything besides his swollen heart. “Fuck. You.”

She stormed out, slamming the door, items residing on the wall rattling in the empty home. All Nanami could do was sink to the floor, leaning on the couch for support as he saw everything fade away, disintegrating into dust.

He doesn’t know why, but his mind momentarily flashes to Misha, the final words she had said to him echoing in his mind.

I hope you get the life you deserve.

Is that what Nanami deserved? Probably. But dammit, Tiana didn’t, and he had fucked her over so badly that she didn’t stand a fair chance.

Nanami pulls out his work phone, dialing a series of digits. The line rings once, twice, and one the third one it’s answered.

“Takuma,” Nanami’s voice is somewhere between a gulp and gasp for air as he swallows his reality. “I need you to do me a favor. Well, a few, really.”

Shoko picked Nanami up to take him to the airport, and the somber mood told her everything she needed to know. Before she dropped him off at the terminal, she took a sucker and lone cigarette out of her glovebox, slid it into his shirt pocket, and patted his shoulders as if to say “choose wisely”.

Nanami felt as if he were wading through jello. Nothing felt real, as if he were simply spectating life instead of living it.

He didn’t even have a real reason to live it anymore. His life, his love, it was gone. He had lost it all.

When Travis picked him up, Nanami said nothing as his ear was talked off, Travis explaining how to properly act around Charlotte and tend to her because she was so easily irritable with the baby’s due date approaching quicker than ever.

“Good, let’s get this over with.” Nanami deadpanned.

“Excuse me?” Travis raised a brow, not sure if he heard Nanami right, but Nanami didn’t repeat himself. The conversation died there.

Nanami didn’t speak to Charlotte at all upon arrival, and was pretty much going through the motions as if he were a machine set on autopilot. Charlotte ignored him, pretending nothing was wrong. It wasn’t until his second day there with a rambling Lottie when the two were alone that Nanami decided to speak up.

“I thought I was protecting her.” Nanami spoke, sitting in a chair in the corner of Charlotte’s room. She looked up from her bed, stomach swelled like a balloon, surprised to hear her cousin’s voice for the first time since he arrived.

“W-What?” Charlotte murmured.

“I thought I was protecting Tiana.” Nanami repeated. “I thought I was helping her. Making it easier for her.” He looked up to Charlotte, his sharp features casted with a dark shadow. He looked like he had wilted. “But it was really you. I was protecting you. Helping you. It’s always been you.”

“What are you talking about?” Charlotte chided nervously.

“Everything you want, you get. You ask for anything, and everyone will bend over backwards to make sure they do your will exactly the way you want it done.” Nanami chuckled humorlessly. “No matter who gets hurt.”

“Nanami, I don’t know who you think I am, or what you perceive me to be.” Charlotte exhaled through her nostrils, “But you’re wrong. I ain’t do this by myself.”

“You’re right. And I wish you had.” Nanami swallowed thickly. “Because even if it would have meant I would have never had her, at least she’d never know how shitty the people around her are.”

Charlotte’s mouth gaped open, red filling her face. “Excuse me? I saved her damn life!” Charlotte laughed, eyes flitting around the room as if to look for something. “So the least I can get is a damn ‘thank you’.”

Nanami scoffed. “Oh yeah, abandoning her on the other side of the world, how noble of you.”

“You know damn what, Nanami.” Charlotte did a strange waddle to sit up on her pillows. “I don’t need this shit. If you’re too pissed off at me to share this beautiful moment, then you can get the hell on.” She jabs her thumb toward the exit, then motions to her heavy belly. “I don’t need any extra stress right now, as you can clearly see. So let’s not make this about Tia right now.” She sinks back into the pillows, huffing in frustration. “I just wanna get through this, and we can figure something out later.”

“What else is there to figure out?! There is no later!” Nanami shouted. “We lied to her. I lied to her, forcing myself to believe I was helping her so that I could feel better about myself. So that I could sleep at night. But all she did was hurt, and hurt, and hurt-” Nanami’s voice rose and cracked as slammed the back of his hand into his palm, causing Charlotte to reach her own breaking point.

“Don’t you raise your voice at me!” She matches his tone, jabbing a thick pointer finger towards him. “Don’t you dare-”

She wails, gripping her stomach as she curls over it, wincing in pain. Nanami shoots up, taking concerned strides towards her as she controls her breathing, tears dotting her lashes. Shaky breaths fill the room as she breathes in, then out.

In.

Out.

“You think I ain’t hurtin’ too?” Charlotte's voice is painful. “Do you think, for a second, that I wouldn’t want my best friend here? That I wouldn’t want her at my side, experiencing this with me?” A broken sob runs through her as she massages her stomach. “You think I don’t need her? You think I wanna do this alone? It hurts, Nanami. It all hurts. My heart, my head, my stomach, my back, and despite it all, it’s still so beautiful, and I can’t even share this with her. Something we've planned on being together since we were kids.”

Even as she cried, rocking with her stomach cradled in her arms, Nanami felt so disconnected. He grieved for a different reason. He just couldn’t find the energy to sympathize with Charlotte. It made him feel empty.

“She should have been here.” Charlotte said, trying to clear her throat. “Not me. This is the life she deserved to live, but she can’t anymore. And I feel so…damn guilty indulging in it without being able to share with her.”

Nanami grimaced. He too believed that Tiana deserved to be here, right at Charlotte’s side. But here he was, a shoddy replacement for a shitty situation.

Nanami threaded his fingers through Charlotte’s curls as she cried into his abdomen, clinging to him as she asked a question that she didn’t want an honest answer to, but knew Nanami would give it to her straight because she needed to hear it.

“Do you really think I’m a shitty person?” She asks, her voice muffled.

Nanami nodded, placing a quick kiss on Charlotte’s scalp. “The shittiest.”

Charlotte wailed harder as Nanami’s voice croaked.

“But so am I.”

He wished Tiana was here. He wished he was holding her right now, reassuring her. He wished he had told her the truth from the start.

He wished he had never met her. If he hadn’t, maybe, just maybe she wouldn’t be suffering so badly while she was with him. He didn’t deserve a life with her, and Nanami would live a thousand lifetimes alone if it meant Tiana could be happy in just one. Even if that happiness meant being without him.

Even if that happiness meant being with someone else.

It was cold.

So cold.

ᴘʀᴇᴠɪᴏᴜꜱ ᴄʜᴀᴘᴛᴇʀ | ɴᴇxᴛ ᴄʜᴀᴘᴛᴇʀ | ʀᴇᴀᴅ ᴀʜᴇᴀᴅ | ᴄʜᴀᴘᴛᴇʀ ʟɪꜱᴛ

#fanfic #anime #manga #writing #tiana x nanami #tianami #ao3 fanfic #jujutsu kaisen #tianami tuesday #misty #crack fic #crackship

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