#shigure is a fragile child why must i hurt him

[krystalreverb]

Give an Inch, Take Infinity (Preview #5)

When they got back to the castle, they found Soleil at the gates, still in her pajamas, her bags packed around her and the vague smell of burning paint in the air, her head down and hands holding herself tightly. Laslow leapt off the horse and ran for her. He could tell she was in some sort of distress.

“Soleil! Darling, I thought you lived with your brother. Has something happened?”

Soleil looked up at Laslow, and he immediately saw that her eyes were filled with tears. “Oh, Daddy!” Soleil cried, launching herself into Laslow's arms. “Shigure's so shut up in his own head, I haven't been able to talk to him in weeks. He's hurting so much and I can't help him anymore! He still hasn't accepted that Mom is dead. Sometimes I have trouble accepting it too... but Shigure's crazy. He's gone totally mental-- before I left he was in the back alley of our building burning all his paintings! I knew I couldn't stay there anymore so I was hoping....”

“Oh, Soleil.... My princess, my darling. He must have snapped-- he and I... we argued in town just a few hours ago. I'm so sorry.”

“I'm sure it's not your fault, Daddy!” Soleil insisted. “Shigure is just.... it's not your fault. I don't think it's anyone's fault, he's just....so nuts!”

Laslow sighed deeply. Xander realized he was intruding, and went to go put the horse away to give Laslow and his daughter some space. Laslow realized this and lowered his voice.

“He was burning them all?” Laslow asked quietly, in disbelief. He had never known his son to be one for randomly starting fires. He never had any inclination that Shigure would commit arson for any reason. Yet here Soleil was, smelling of soot and ashes and claiming her brother as the culprit. Laslow remembered the smell of smoke he and his Lord detected earlier. “Oh, Shigure...”

“Yeah.... it's a real... well... Momferno.” Soleil joked weakly, and Laslow snorted.

“Silly girl... Soleil, I'm so sorry your brother and I don't get along. It's not fair to you and it's not fair to him. I wish I could see eye to eye with him. I really do. I'll go talk to Lord Xander. I'm positive he'll let you stay with me. I have an extra cot you can sleep in, we'll give you a job, maybe hire your men as extra guards around the castle, it'll be fine.”

“Thank you, Daddy. I'm sorry to drop in unannounced, but Shigure's just so difficult to live with lately. He's picky, controlling, anti-social.... he used to be so gentle and sensitive, but these days he just gets into these nasty moods and won't talk to me, won't come out for dinner, anything. And if I try to bother him, he snaps at me and sometimes even throws things. The birds don't nest outside his window anymore..... And you know me, I can't cook worth crap, so if I want to eat, I kinda have to beg Shigure to cook. I'm really tired of literally begging my older brother to be able to eat and I can't afford to keep eating out. It's like living with an abusive boyfriend, and I'm really not into that. On multiple levels. And I think he's behind on the rent, too. Our landlady is starting to get pissed. He lost his job at the shop he was working at because he was daydreaming on the job and he was rude to customers. I'm the one bringing home all the money, and I gotta tell ya, mercenary work doesn't pay well when there isn't a war to fight. I shoulda picked up a trade or something. At least you have a permanent position at right hand to the King. I'm just a mercenary. I mean, sure, I lead a band of mercenaries, but again, we have no work. My men are all looking up to me to provide work for them and I just can't, not when there isn't any. You're the King's retainer, you have a job that keeps you busy. I sit around in taverns all day waiting for job postings. I drink more than I work, Daddy. And it's starting to not be healthy. The allowance you give me only goes so far when I live basically all by myself. And I know you give one to Shigure too, but he spends all his money on art supplies. I think he goes through a tube of baby blue paint every day now. Art is an expensive hobby, and he's not bringing in any money to pay for it.”

“Mmmm, yeahhhh....” Laslow drawled slowly, “I have room and board included, too. Make no mistake, princess, I have a very cushy job, and it's one I quite like. Just the son of a traveling dancer who managed to rub elbows with foreign royalty.”

“You know, I bet being a royal retainer pays nice.” Soleil smirked.

“Shush, you little brat. I'll give you and your brother a bigger allowance, right now I'd like to get your things unpacked so you're not living out of a suitcase--” Laslow replied. “....Milord?”

“I can hear you, Laslow. Yes, she can stay. I'll figure out how to put her to work somehow.” Xander called over, brushing out the horse's mane. He put the brush down and trotted back up. “I'm sorry to eavesdrop.”

“No, you have every right.” Laslow said. “I'm just sorry that my family matters keep getting in the way.”

Xander smiled and shook his head softly. “Don't. It's alright, Laslow. You're my friend, and through marriage, my family. I care about you, and I care about my niece and I care about my nephew. Perhaps I can get through to Shigure. Where flesh and blood have failed, perhaps his King will be enough.” Xander offered.

“Perhaps. Though I'm not sure he'll be willing to open up to you. He'll be polite and even cordial to you but I highly doubt he'll say anything worthwhile. Shigure is very smart, he's a clever, calculating, and intelligent boy. I like to think he gets it from me.” Laslow said. He was holding his daughter close. “Talk to him if you can, but if he won't say much, just.... be gentle. He's in a lot of pain.”

“I understand, Laslow. Tomorrow. Tomorrow I'll make a trip into town, I'll have Peri accompany me so I am less suspicious to him, and I will seek him out.” Xander promised.

“I have our address.” Soleil supplied helpfully. “If you need it. But... I'm pretty sure you'll be able to follow the trail of broken and burnt canvases right to our back door.” She said.

“Soleil, I am sorry that it's come to this.” Xander said, looking remorseful. “I hope, in time, you and your father will be able to repair your relationship with Shigure. I'll do everything in my power to help as much as I can. You are, after all, my niece. I do not abandon my family, Soleil..... Hmm... in this light you look so much like your mother.... but I suppose you get that often.” Xander said, taking Soleil into his arms. Soleil hugged him around the middle.

“Oh.... Uncle Xander.... I just want Shigure to be happy but it's just so hard....!” Soleil broke down crying. “I tried to stay optimistic! I kept thinking 'maybe tomorrow will be better'. But that tomorrow never came and it just got harder and harder to keep a smile on...!” she sobbed pitifully into his arms. “And Shigure's wasting away, too. He hardly eats, he just spends all his time in his room painting and singing to himself. That same song that Mom used to sing... the one that saved us all. If I gotta hear 'you are the ocean's gray waves' one more time I'm gonna crack like an egg. I'm serious. I mean, I appreciate the fact that the song saved all our lives and Mom had to die in order to protect us and all that, but it's his only song, Uncle Xander. He's a record player with a crooked needle. And can I say something? I lost my mother too. It's not just him. I'm hurting too, and it's like he doesn't care. I feel the exact same way that he does, except he's turned to starving himself and painting pictures of Mom all night while I at least try to make it through my day. It's like he's not even trying anymore. Like he's lost the will to live, and I'm tired of it!” Soleil ranted. It was rare to see Soleil so angry, even rarer to hear her say anything negative about her family. But she was tired. “I'm just so tired....” she finished weakly, curling in on herself.

Xander nodded. “Then I will perhaps, take him to lunch. Force him to eat in a more public forum, where I can make sure he is at least eating on my watch. I will talk to him. I'll insist it's simply an outing for a man and his nephew. I'll ask to see his sketches-- no? No, I'm getting disapproving looks on that one-- alright, scrap the sketches. I'm just brainstorming.” That last line got Soleil snorting softly. Her laughter sounded just like Laslow's, or perhaps, what Laslow would sound like if he were female, deep and rich and with an almost noble bearing. Xander smiled. “There's that smile.” He commented blithely, pinching her cheek between his forefinger and his thumb sweetly, and Soleil giggled and whined and jiggled out of his grip.

“Uncle! Stop it!” She snorted. “I'm not a little kid anymore!”

“You must understand, Soleil. To us, you are still so young. It seems like only yesterday Azura let me hold you for the first time.” Xander said. “She said, 'I'm sure she'll like you' and 'go on, just hold them'. She handed both you and your brother to me and had me hold you two in my lap. And you immediately reached up and grabbed my crown and tried to pull it off of my head. And then you punched Shigure in the nose, and he started to cry.”

Xander stepped back. “I am sorry, Soleil.... I got carried away.”

“No.... that's okay.” Soleil said softly. “I don't remember that. I.... don't remember much about growing up. I think the Deeprealms did that too.” She said. “I don't remember much before I turned... fifteenish? I guess the Deeprealms kind of... mess with your ability to tell time, and it makes you forget things. I remember important stuff, like the time Daddy came to visit on my birthday, and he brought me a present even though he had no way to know it was my birthday. But.... it's nice to know that you remember.” She said. “I know you miss my mom too.... just like we all do.”

[yukisohmasmokesweed]

what are your opinions on the thought process that Shigure groomed Akito so he could have control over them?

i think this opinion is a massive oversimplification of akito and shigure's power dynamic that has roots in the latent sexist idea that men inherently have power over women, as well as the heteronormative idea that love between a man and a woman is inherently romantic.

first off, i think it's a pretty bizarre assumption that a child could have the wherewithal and foresight to enact a complex series of actions that relies on the aggressor having a working knowledge of children's needs and behavior and years of planning and execution. people like to cite shigure's childhood declaration that he "...want[s] to make that [love] last forever...to give it form and make it [his]" as a statement of intent to groom and control. not only is this an absurd thing to say about a child who can't be any older than 10, it disregards two vital facets of akito and shigure's relationship: the magic in combination with shigure's own trauma. in my opinion, these lines speak to the power of the bond and how shigure interprets it. hatori and ayame reject it, the former letting himself sink into despair over his lack of control and festers in resentment, the latter completely removing himself from family life in order to avoid it. shigure, however, copes with the curse by diving in head first; just like the rest of the zodiac, he knows that there is no way out, so he embraces the good things about it in order to cope. in addition to this, though we don't know much about shigure's upbringing, we can assume based on his short interaction with his parents that he came from an emotionally neglectful home (expanded on here), so the prospect of unconditional love from akito is something he craves. i think these are much more reasonable motivations for the beginning of shigure's obsession rather than positing that grooming a person he had never met before he even went through puberty was his goal.

with regards to gendered power dynamics, i think this take severely underestimates the amount of abuse shigure withstands from akito. the idea that shigure is somehow in control of the relationship is simply not true; their relationship is DEFINED by their power struggle, which is a game that akito was winning until the very end. it ignores that men can be abused (and we see him being abused by akito, both physically and emotionally), and it also ignores that, in many toxic and abusive relationships, there is not always someone who is purely a victim. shigure is undoubtedly horrible to akito back—he is vindictive, cruel, and cold towards them. he also knows full well that he is one of akito's most important emotional supports and uses this position to manipulate them. however, his gender and age does NOT give him power over akito. he must do as akito says, both because of the magic and akito's position as the family head. while their relationship is not necessarily a victim-and-perpetrator situation, the power dynamic clearly favors akito, who is literally all-powerful and a professional abuser.

with regards to the heteronormative idea that men and women who love each other is inherently romantic: the scene most often referenced for this opinion is the scene between teenage shigure and child akito in chapter 101 where he tells akito he loves them. i do not interpret this scene to be romantic whatsoever, and i actually think it's really weird and telling that so many people do. these are two people whose only comfort is one another and have known each other since early childhood; i don't think it's weird at all for shigure to tell akito he loves them in this situation. given fb's focus on familial and platonic love, how platonic love can transform into romance, and the fact that akigure is a parallel to kyoru, i interpret this scene as entirely familial/platonic.

i can understand why people have this opinion: shigure is a man, and he's older, and he is a manipulator. he gives people very visceral reactions because he's incredibly well written. his actions do also fit into some of the stages of grooming, but it falls apart upon closer look (source): he targets a child (ie, he becomes close with his cousin who he is supernaturally bonded to against his free will), he gains the child's trust (ie, they become friends), and he fills a need, in this case akito's lack of parental support, all of which he does as a child himself. he does not, and cannot, isolate the child because he doesn't have the power to—akito's status would prevent them from being completely isolated (a good example of akito's position inherently giving them more power). when it comes to sexualizing the relationship, we just don't know, there isn't enough textual evidence to argue either way. as for the last step, maintaining control, shigure does NOT try and make akito think he is the only person who can fulfill akito's emotional and physical needs. in fact, he's doing the opposite; he WANTS akito to meet and be changed by tohru, and he has no problem with akito's intimate relationship with hatori, who probably provides more emotional and physical support to them than anyone. you could argue that shigure is trying to isolate akito by driving the other zodiacs away, but i don't think shigure attempting to separate an abuser from their victims is what "isolate" is meant to reflect here. so, as we can see, shigure fulfills SOME of the stages of grooming, but i don't think they hold up to scrutiny if you're thinking about fb in a nuanced and world-appropriate way.

i can also see why people misinterpret shigure's bid for control as some sort of abuse, but he states that he wants to be equal with akito, not above. i do think there is an aspect of misogyny here; shigure's masculinity, and the role that masculinity grants him in society, is threatened by akito's control over him, but i don't think having fragile masculinity and making grabs for power because of it when you're in an abusive relationship is abuse in turn.

i'm not trying to absolve shigure of anything here. he is cruel, he is manipulative, and he does things to hurt akito on purpose whether it's in revenge or not. but i don't think shigure meets the standards of being a groomer, and i think this assumption, in addition to what i previously stated, is a symptom of fandom misusing buzzwords to gain points. it's not a nuanced view and i think a lot of it, in my experience, comes from projection; shigure, in all his awfulness, is extremely easy to project onto. however, i think that there are some things in fb that are just not analogous to real life, and that this aspect of akito and shigure's relationship is one of them.

[ae0nx]

FRUITS BASKET S2 EPISODE 18 + short Ep 1-17 english dub recap

AND I'M BACK WITH THE MADNESS.

Took a bit of a break from the Fruits Basket recaps because life happened and I wanted to focus a bit more on my art career and my webcomic. But, I came to miss doing the recaps! So, I'm gonna try and finish season 2 and do some of the left over recaps now in time for when Season 3 drops!

I HAVE however been re-watching the older episodes of Fruits Basket Season 2 with the english dub this time and I have a few notes!:

A shoutout to the wording used in the Yuki 'confession' scene on the beach with Tohru. However, in the sub the confession came across a lot more like platonic love to me and in the dub the confession came across a lot more romantic. (Especially in the episode after where Yuki says he doesn't regret kissing Tohru lol)

Laura Bailey stays killing it as Tohru. All the little vocal inflections are so freakin cute and make her sound more human! But that also speaks to the editing as well which is great. The balance between a little naive and scared and yet strong and determined in her scene with Akito was... amazing.

(Also... all of Akito’s most violent and hurtful moments are when it’s dark... I dunno I just found that cool and interesting lol)

Jerry Jewell in EPISODE 9?!?! His scene with Akito always gets me regardless but Jerry Jewell's performance was heartbreaking! Ah, I could cry. (I did) The little shake he did while declaring he wasn't in love with Tohru because he can't say that shit actually truthfully? 😩 Also... is he intentionally making Kyo’s voice sound a little deeper? It definitely sounded like it in that episode with Kagura. I like!!

While I LOATHE Akito, Colleen Clinkenbeard is amazing, I've never heard her sound this sneakingly evil! And yet... it's slightly carefree too. Reminds me a lot of Shigure. As I said before, Akito and Shigure's english VAs pair up so nicely in audible form.

I love how flirty Hatori was in the English dub when it came to him and Mayu’s episode. It was a really lovely performance from Kent Williams :) I always read that scene of Hatori just being friendly when asking Mayu out to get something to eat but this was a whole other wonderful take!!! <3

I LOVE KIMI TODO’S ENGLISH VA’S PERFORMANCE OMG. THANK YOU, CHERAMAI LEIGH 🤣

Kakeru’s English VA continues to sound cuter and cuter... 😘 Whassup, Aaron Dimsuke? I kid, lol

I lovee the fact that Haru calls Yuki ‘fragile and kind’ (two typically feminine presenting descriptions) and Yuki took it as a compliment! I dunno about the description of fragile as many people could take that offensively, regardless of gender, but the way it’s explained here it’s almost like he’s describing him as precious?... Coulda went with that instead...

I like the decisions for the moments where Mikaela Krantz emphasises on Momiji’s put on German accent and when she tones it down and return to his natural voice

But anyways... lol, this episode was... a LOT. Not an easy breezy one for me to come back to at all... I’ll be watching the english dub.

TIME TO DIVE BACK IN!

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- Hiro's so cute at the start of this episode talking about his sibling and how he wants to look out for his mum. Of course, it's in the most Hiro of ways but this scene definitely warmed me up to him a lot more :)

Hiro’s mum is like a future Tohru, haha

That hair animation they give Rin is always great 😂 I hope Takaya-sensei is proud.

It’s so curious how Hiro speaks so honestly and true to Rin yet is so careful of her emotions. He’s never really been like this with anyone but Kisa, especially not the other teens or adults. It kinda shows how much seeing what happened to Rin by Akito’s hands really got to him and traumatised him. Of course, Hiro’s not just doing this because of his trauma but cos he genuinely cares!

- I noticed that there was a slight parallel between Hiro + Kisa and Rin + Haru. Kinda highlights why breaking the curse is important to Hiro and gives more reason as to why that event with Rin and Akito freaked him out.

- I dunno if this is intentional or just an animation glitch but I’ve noticed that in that long panning shot in the opening theme that closes into Yuki, Tohru and Kyo looking at the sunset, it looks like Kyo’s experession kinda ‘glitches’ in between a smile and a stoic look. Again, I don’t know if it was intentional, but I like to think it’s as a little show of Kyo not really managing to attain true happiness fully (for now anyway).

- (Also, I think that this opening song might come third in my list of most favourite opening songs in Fruits Basket history!!! <3<3<3)

- I’m super glad that Shigure and Rin scene didn’t go any further than it needed to... 👀 but the fact that Rin thought ‘Gure would be up for using her body as a bargaining chip says more about Shigure than Rin in my humble opinion...

Self-loathing? From Shigure? Unexpected. Empathy? For him? A little.

...Damn it.

🤣

I’m sorry. This scene is very gorgeous, well lit and beautiful and dramatic. But, I can’t not laugh at how early 00s gothic romance this is! But, I love it. It’s sweet and probably the first ‘raunchy’ scene we’ve gotten in this anime, ooo la! But, that kiss animation was kinda awkward for me, sorry. 🤷🏾��♀️

I hate that Rin is AGAIN getting Outfit Appreciation Award when she’s literally killing herself with stress and worry but... amazing wardrobe as always. 5 stars.

Is it just me or does every zodiac member see Tohru as a parental figure or associate her with motherhood, except for Kyo?... 

*mentally notes essay of Tohru being the depiction of being a ‘merciful God’ compared to Akito being the decpiction of being a ‘vengeful God’*

Heartbreaking. 

but... WHY DO THEY ALL HAVE TO HAVE PARENTAL ISSUES?!

Also, Briana Palencia in this scene was amazing. Everyone is so, so good in this show! Dub and sub!!

...I totally forgot about this bit of Rin’s backstory. I love that they really highlighted how drastic the change was from happy family to an abusive household. Obviously, there must have been some cracks in the frame of the happy family and Rin as a child was inquisitive enough to see them. ...Only for her to be later punished for it. 

Kazuma!!! He and Tohru just be constantly saving these zodiac kids, man.

- Rin’s parents might just be at the same level as Kyo’s dad on the ‘WORST PARENTS OF THE ZODIAC CHILDREN’ list. Well... until later...

🥺💝

Beginning to understand why they’re so attached and bonded to each other now. <3

- Also, lowkey, Kagura’s mum is great! From her protecting Kagura from going to the beach house because of Akito to her taking Rin in without question! And she seemed completely cool with Kyo too! Yay to good parents in anime!!!

- The confession scene between Haru and Rin is so pure and blunt yet romantic and just... so them <3

- I’m not even gonna put any screencaps from the final scene with Akito because I find Akito is just disgusting. But, really? Pushing someone off the balcony?! I mean... I remember why Akito’s feelings for Rin are so strong and darkly intense but I still can’t excuse their actions. I kinda don’t like that they presented this very abusive and violent moment as... poetic? I mean, it matches Rin’s ‘style’, I guess? But... this is just someone going past the limit.

- And her landing like that on the conveniently pointy stone? I was surprised she didn’t damage her spine...

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I’m so happy I’m watching Fruits Basket again! This anime really is the best! And it DESERVEDLY won Best Drama at the CrunchyRoll Anime Awards! Yayyyyy! Sorry, if this ended on a weird note, I did enjoy this episode. Just a very dark one to return to 😅

See you... soon? Haha!

[papers4me]

Fruits Basket SE02, Ep15

The anticipated” teacher conference”. While this ep is focused on yuki successfully overcoming his frightening “mother’s ghost”, I think it does a brilliant job amplifying the real “mother ghost” in the story.

A Mother’s Ghost:

Tohru is haunted by her mom’s ghost. Everything must stay as her mom wished:continue high school/find job. No selfish desires for herself. Nothing personal to pursue. past plans were made for two: a mother & daughter. Now she’s all alone. Future Status: In stagnation.

Kyo is haunted by two ghosts (his mom & kyoko). Literally two ghosts of two dead mothers. both deaths are supposedly caused by him. "you aren’t forgiven/won’t forgive you” are uttered by so many adults now, his father, Akito, the sohma’s & kyoko herself. Now he believes it, too. He must mend his mistakes by making sure the only two ppl he loves are safe. from him. Accuse a child of hideous things for too long, soon it becomes his reality. Future Status: Nonexistent.

Yuki is haunted by his mom’s ghost. tho his is alive & denying him affection, love & care. The old yuki would’ve got asthma attack & fainted. The new yuki is different. He isn’t alone. far more ppl have reached out to him. Tohru, Haru, kakeru & Aya. He had discovered warmth. The ghost isn’t scary as it used to be. It’s actually small & panicky. He’s stronger. Future status: hopeful & bright.

Real Mother vs Unknowing Mother Figure:

Yuki continues his plot line of moving forward & altho I suspected that he’ll receive help to overcome setbacks, I totally forgot abt Aya! XD. I thought tohru might’ve had a more active role in defending him as usual. But I’m glad she didn’t have any physical part in the conference scene cuz it helps the theme of yuki moving away from tohru & learning to lean on others until he can stand tall. Also, the writer excellently accelerated yuki’s growth using Ayame cuz (a) it helps strengthen their brotherly bond. (b) Yuki accepted his brother completely, thanked & defended him in front of his scary mom, adding to (c) Aya’s subplot of being rewarded for his many attempts to atone for neglecting yuki. (d) Teaching yuki that his scary mom can be rendered helpless in front of a confident person. (e) Yuki taking all that in & using it to stand up for himself by the end of the scene & articulate that His future is HIS. (f) yuki discovering that he doesn't need tohru’s help as much as before. (g) yuki realizing what he sought in tohru (motherly emotional nurture). Finally (h) tohru letting go of yuki!! She saw he doesn't need her as much anymore. While tohru obviously doesn’t look for a child/baby in yuki, she most genuinely cared for him as a friend but she also indulged in his issues to escape hers. the more the sohma’s get strong & don’t require much of her help, the more she’ll be forced to face her mom’s ghost..What will you do tohru if tomorrow the curse broke?.if all you have left is you & your mom’s picture..

Eating somen & its double meaning. a.k.a ( brilliant writing)!!!:

SE02, Ep.2, was the introduction to future planning. Kyo, troubled by his future, decided to eat comfort food & cooked somen. Tohru, troubled by her furure, couldn’t seep, joined in & cooked/eaten with him. Later Shigure & yuki joined. That day tohru felt so much better. Why? cuz she ate somen with friends? NO. Cuz she opened her heart & cried for herself. kyo made her,unwillingly, peek into her fears. Had she not talked & broke into tears, shigure wouldn’t have suggested the laundry analogy & enjoying the already cooked food together. The somen would’ve become just a normal late dinner in shigure’s house. The difference is kyo pushed tohru to acknowledge her tears. She resisted first “don’t kyo, don’t force me to look deeper”. Her tears turned into excitements by the end of the night, they all shared teasing & jokes.

Tohru wants that relieved feeling again. Except she wants it without opening her heart. She refuses to peek inside & cry over herself & her fears. She associated the feeling of relief with “eating somen with friends” NOT “facing your fears & opening up, accepting help”. She knows everybody is worried abt their future. so they must go home together & share somen. How did that work out? Laughing & teasing happened. but what abt the feeling of relief ? kyo is still worried abt hurting tohru, painfully gazing at her (not relieved), tohru still wears the happy mask, pretending all is fine (not relieved). Yuki calling his mom in dark corridor & fearing her (not relieved) Brilliant writing indeed! The only one who changed positively afterwards is yuki cuz he opened his lid in next scene, peeked inside & faced it by accepting help.

Tohru’s tight shit lid:

I had previously compared kyo’s feelings/ trauma with fire that spreads fast, burn him & hurt others. His trauma is tied strongly with death (kyoko) & suicide(his mom physically & him metaphorically thro confinement). How can you put out the fire without killing it? His trauma must be dealt/healed in a way that doesn’t kill the fire. Keep the light & warmth in it by igniting kyo’s desire to live. (I can’t figure out how & it’s driving me crazy!!!). Yuki’s feelings/trauma is a kin to a flowing river, calm in the surface but can flood dangerously & destroy. How can you fix it without rendering the river into a lifeless pond? by insuring it runs/flows regularly & reaches its destination!! Always changing & moving forward (already happening).

but what abt tohru? tohru’s feelings/trauma is a kin to a tiny flower. tender & fragile, it needs warmth, light & water to grow. This flower isn’t particularly prettier than the others nor rare. But it’s precious & provides joy. One might not notice that this flower is sick from the inside until it withers & dies silently.

Tohru’s closed box has more than her mom now. It has kyo.  But why is kyo, who is a source of comfort to tohtu, is now paired with her mom’s saddest flashback?? Why can’t tohru accept loving kyo? altho tohru didn’t say it, we saw her shaken reaction to kyo’s confinement the day Akito told her & how she sought kazuma. Tohru might not have realized that kyo is her most loved one yet, but we as viewers don’t doubt it as the writer has amazingly led us thro their most normal & gradual relationship. Still it doesn’t explain why is kyo put away in tohru’s box along with kyoko’s haunting flashback & falling deep into the dark ocean of tohru’s darkest hidden thoughts?. Tohru hides pain.. why is loving kyo a pain to tohru?? why is she refusing to face her growing attachment to him?? she’s tragically lonely but she refuses to acknowledge her feelings of belonging to kyo?? could it be cuz she’s denying herself selfish desires? she doesn’t see herself worthy for him? tohru has often looked down on herself. Could it be thoru is scared of loving kyo? scared of being abandoned?? scared of changing herself? Weird!!!!!!I need More tohru!!!!

Side Notes:

Tohru’s story keeps getting more complicated emotionally in ways I haven't anticipated & I love it!! altho I don’t really get the part of fearing to love kyo?? it’s a bit weird since tohru has a loving nature. but hope to learn why soon.

kyo asks hana if she can read his heart with her waves. Also kyo openly stares fondly at tohru right in front of hana & co. boy is so preciously lovesick! XD.

Shigure is right. tohru isn’t his responsibility. Him providing support for her is already enough from a non-relative. I love his brash honesty.

Shigure/Mayu scene is the best comedy. I love their dynamics.

Kazuma’s “Its fine if you take as long as the others” is such inspiring line. It spoke to my heart! finding your future isn’t a competition!! It reinforces furuba’s brilliant message of everybody having their own pace. just cuz yuki is moving fast & healthy towards his future, doesn’t mean the others are less worthy for fearing a future or not finding the way to begin with. Everybody moves in different speed cuz they’re different ppl with different character traits, trauma. Also, foreshadowing!. Kyo’s lid will be opened last. Bring it on kyoko!

Is Aya the first sohma to get his happy ending/full redemption/achieved goal? YUP! fitting for Mr. Most-Confident!

Yuki’s conference scene is one of the well-directed, gives me hopes for tohru’s future dark story, but also it could mean the director is saving their craziest dramatic animation/adventures/experiments for her.. yikes!!!! plz NO.

Kyoko being a dotting mom, role model, gang member, cool friend & a chilling haunting ghost is brilliant story-telling!

tohru literally drawn in the sky after yuki saying ” you’re like the sky” is too much. lol.. but I’ll let it pass, it’s minor.

[behind-xemnas]

who do you think treated akito better, kureno or shigure?

That depends on what you mean with ‘better’.

I think Kureno treated Akito the way she wanted to be treated but Shigure the way she had to be treated (to some extent).

Akito was raised with the belief that she is special, that she is God. She was raised with the belief that she was born to be loved and that everyone was waiting for her, that everyone else was just there to love her. Not only the maids in the main house but also her father told her that. We see more than one time that she is free to do what she wants without facing consequences.

Not only when she hurts Hatoris eye but also when she was little, for example when she starts to lock Yuki into that room, and it’s clearly showns that she is still a child back then. (It’s said Akito is around 20 and Yuki is 16, so she is only 4 years older than Yuki. It’s hard to say how old they were back than but as far as I know Ayame was already in the beginning of Highschool back than (we can see as much also from that scene in the first ending of the new anime where they all walk past the room Yuki is in) so if Ayame was 16, that would mean Yuki was 6 and that would make Akito around 10 back than.)

And what do you imagine happens when you let a 10 years old girl (who is emotionally negleted and abused by her own mother) do whatever she wants without anyone telling her that she can’t do that?

It will only encourage her god-complex. For her it must also mean, that she never really realized that she is in the wrong. (If I remember correctly she even says something about that at the end of the manga, something along those lines like “How can you know something you haven’t been teached” but I don’t know the exact wording.)

She gets what she wants, either through violence or through pleading.

It’s the same when Kurenos curse brakes. She is begging him to stay, to not abandon her. Kureno only sees that crying girl in front of him (who must’ve been still around 10 or something. Kureno says his curse was lifted when he was a bit younger than Tohru, meaning he was younger than 16, he is also a bit younger than Ayame, Shigure and Hatori.)

Kureno felt responsible for her. What would happen if he would leave her alone? It would probably worsen her mental well being. Not only because someone close to her would go but also because then Ren would’ve been proven right. What would’ve happen if Kureno had left her? Ren probably would use that against her daughter “See? I told you, he left you, everyone else will leave too”, she would say something like this.

So, in a way it was good for Akito, that Kureno stayed with her. On the other hand it made it worse because then again Akito learned that she can do what she wants, that people obey her. It encouraged her god-complex.

Kureno stayed, even though the bond between them was gone. For Akito it meant that she actually is special, that she is God, that people do love her. She was proven right.

So, how does Shigure treat her?Yuki describes how he could see Shigure holding Akito in his arms, when she was crying. So we can say that he was really caring towards her when they were younger. Shigure loved her even before she was born, so obviously he would treat her well but at some point he became more harsh and less caring, or so it seems, but why? 

Both Shigure and Kureno are older than Akito, somewhere between 4 to 6 years, with Kureno being the younger one. So especially in the beginning they only saw Akito as a child. For Kureno, that never really changed. When he thinks of Akito, he has the picture of that crying little girl, begging him not to abandon her, in his mind. Despite the fact that they had a sexual affair at some point after she became an adult, he still saw her the way how he saw her back than. 

As a sad and crying girl. Interesting enough Kazuma says something similar about Akito. He says that he was never afraid of her and for him Akito is more like a fragile, nervous child that only knows how to scream and stomp with the feet. Before Kurenos curse broke, Akito was God, after the curse broke, Akito was that fragile and sad girl she actually is.

But Shigure had to stop seeing her as a child. Not only because she grew up and eventually actually became an adult woman, but because of his feelings for her. Shigure is one of the only cursed who never saw Akito as superior to him, or as God. When they were both children he treated her similar to a little sister, when they became both adults he started to treat her as an adult woman, but that also means that he wouldn’t let Akito do whatever she wants.

He shows her that she can’t just do as she pleases. He argues with her, he says when she is doing something wrong. He does not say yes and amen to everything Akito says or does. He spurs Yuki and Kyo on to return to Tohru for New Years, knowing it would displease Akito. When Akito slept with Kureno, Shigure slept with Ren, to show Akito “I can do whatever you can do”. And I think Shigure choose Ren because he knew it would hurt Akito the most but also to show her, that he does love her. 

When they talk about that Shigure tells Akito that, if she had been raised female, she would look just like her mother. With that he tells her “I wanted to sleep with someone who looks like you” and we know that Shigure, despite his whole “High School Girls~” thing isn’t someone who would just sleep with anyone. 

Even though he was in a relationship with Mayuko he never even kissed her. So, I don’t think he would go around and just sleep with any woman. Shigure sleeping with Ren was a way of him showing Akito that she can’t just do anything, with that he wanted to say “You are not free to do what you want without facing consequences but I DO love you”, even though it’s really fucked up way to do so. But to be fair, would she have learned it another way? Akito is really stubborn when it comes to the fact that she is God and people are there to love and obey her.

Shigure purposely works against her, despite his feelings for her, to make up for Kurenos “mistakes”. Shigure himself says that Kurenos treatment only made it worse for Akito and that he hates him for it (and because he slept with the woman he loved).That’s why I think Kureno is a big factor in why Shigure started to treat Akito that way in the first place. If Kureno had just left Akito behind, Shigure wouldn’t have felt the necessity to do the many things he does.

So, who treats her better now? I would say both and neither of them. It all comes down to the fact that Akito was raised to have a god-complex while still being emotinally abused by her own mother. The best treatment would’ve been to seperate Akito from her mother to different people who would raise her right why couldn’t Kazuma take her in along side Kyo? and to also get her professional help for her rage problems and anxiety.