#shes trying her best really and it sure be working

[snowysosturn]

Fire & Desire - Matt Sturniolo Part 21

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11 Part 12 Part 13 Part 14 Part 15 Part 16 Part 17 Part 18 Part 19 Part 20 Part 21 Part 22

Pairing: Y/n x Matt Sturniolo

Summary: Y/n has always clashed with Matt. Despite working for Chris’s clothing brand and being close with Nick, her relationship with Matt has always been tense at best. While being forced to be around each other more, their animosity turns into something deeper. Can they overcome their differences, or will their fiery emotions tear them apart?

Warnings: Angst, tension, arguments, hurt.

Nick and I stand there, frozen.

My stomach drops to my ass.

Christina is in Matt’s bed.

Fast asleep, wrapped up in his sheets like she belongs there. It reminds me of when I stayed in his bed in the house.

How could he allow her to do the same.

I feel Nick tense beside me, he's silent but I can almost hear the cogs turning in his mind, like he’s piecing together the same horrifying realization I am.

Then the ensuite door swings open.

And out walks Matt.

Messy hair. Shirtless. Sweatpants hanging low on his hips. Looks like she helped him out last night instead.

The second he looks up, our eyes meet.

And everything inside me stops.

Nick moves first, he could never be silent for that long. “Are you fucking kidding me?!”

Matt’s mouth parts slightly, but Nick doesn’t give him the chance.

“Seriously?” he seethes, stepping forward. His voice is a dangerous mix of betrayal and anger. “You fucking lied to me. To her.” His arm motions toward me, but I can’t move. I can’t even breathe.

Matt tries to speak.

But Nick gives him no mercy.

“I don’t wanna hear it!” he snaps, his voice rising. “I don’t wanna hear a single fucking word come out of your mouth right now.”

Matt’s face hardens, but he stays silent.

Nick scoffs. “You had one thing to prove, Matt. That you meant it this time.” He shakes his head. “And you couldn’t even do that.”

I can’t stand here anymore.

I need to be in my room. So I turn and leave the room.

Not fast. Not slow. I honestly feel like I'm floating.

I can hear Nick’s voice from down the hall, and he's not letting up easy.

“You either care about her or you don’t, Matt.” His words cut through the thick, suffocating silence.

“So which is it?”

I don’t hear Matt’s answer.

Because I don’t think I could handle it.

Nick’s POV

Y/n turns and walks away, and I don’t blame her.

I watch her go, watch the way her arms wrap around herself like she’s holding herself together, like she has to hold herself together because Matt sure as fuck won’t.

But I’m not done.

Not even close.

I turn back to Matt, still standing there like a fucking idiot, like he’s the one blindsided.

“You’ve gotta be fucking joking.” I breathe, the disbelief thick in my voice.

Matt doesn’t even try to defend himself.

Maybe he knows there’s no excuse.

Maybe he just doesn’t have one.

Matt motions me out of the bedroom before closing the door behind him, the two of us stood in the hallway.

“What, I might wake your precious Christina?” I sneer, pointing at the door. “Wouldn’t wanna interrupt her beauty sleep, huh?”

Matt exhales sharply. “It’s not like that.”

I laugh. “Oh, really? Because from where I’m standing, it looks exactly like that.”

He shakes his head, but I don’t soften.

“I’m so disgusted with you.” I shutter. “I thought you would be real this time. That if you were serious about Y/n, you’d to fucking act like it.”

Matt clenches his jaw. “Nick-”

“And what do you do?” I cut him off. “You self sabotage. Again. Like you always fucking do. Because you never know how to handle something real.”

Matt’s eyes darken.

I don’t care.

I take another step forward. “And Y/n?” I point a finger toward the door she just walked toward. “She’s the realest thing you’re ever gonna get. And you know that.”

He drops his gaze for a second, but it’s long enough for me to see it.

Guilt.

Good.

“You know it” I repeat, voice quieter but my tone stays the same. “And you just threw it away.”

Matt opens his mouth, but before he can get a word out, a door behind me swings open.

“Jesus Christ” Chris groans, stepping into the hall. He looks half asleep, rubbing a hand over his eyes. “Can you two shut the fuck up? Rachel’s asleep in my room.”

I whip around. “Oh, of course she is!” I snap. “So what, you’ve got a girl in your bed too?”

Chris blinks at me, like he wasn’t expecting that reaction. “What?”

I throw my hands up.  “Seriously, who the fuck thought it’d be a good idea to bring girls out here?” 

I don’t care who hears me.

I don’t care if I wake up the entire goddamn villa.

Chris shrugs, unfazed. “I did?” looking at me like I’ve lost my mind.

“The fuck are you freaking out about?” he scoffs. “I like Rachel, so I flew her out. I can do that, you know.”

I laugh, but there’s no humor in it. “Oh yeah? And you think that was a good fucking idea?”

Chris crosses his arms. “Why the fuck wouldn’t it be?”

“Because look at what you just caused!” I snap, throwing a hand back toward Matt’s door. “You might not have been the fire, but you sure as fuck were the fuel.”

Chris rolls his eyes. “You’re being dramatic.”

“No, I’m being real.” I hiss, stepping closer. “I want them out. Within the next two hours. I don’t give a fuck what needs to be done. I want them gone.”

Chris’ expression hardens. “That’s unfair.”

I shake my head. “Unfair?” I scoff. “You wanna talk about unfair? Y/n spent this whole trip thinking her and Matt were finally on the same fucking page, and now she walks in to find Christina, of all fucking people, in his bed? And you wanna stand there and act like I’m being unfair?

Chris opens his mouth, as Matt stands awkwardly next to me.

Chris locks eyes with him.

“Wait, what?” Chris’s brow furrows. “She’s in your bed?”

Matt still doesn’t say a word.

Chris shakes his head, exhaling sharply. “Jesus Christ, man.”

I shake my head in complete disgust, looking between the two of them.

“The two of you are fucking idiots” I say, my voice filled with nothing but disappointment. “Absolute fucking idiots.”

Chris exhales sharply, rubbing a hand down his face, while Matt just stands there, still not saying a goddamn word.

I don’t have the patience for this. Not right now.

Without another word, I turn on my heel and storm down the hallway, heading straight for Y/n’s room on the other side of the villa. My blood is boiling, not just at Matt but at Chris too. They both fucked up, and they both know it.

As I walk away, I hear Chris let out a frustrated sigh before opening his door and stepping into his room.

Matt?

I don’t hear him move at all.

I get to Y/n’s room and try the handle, but the door doesn’t budge. It’s locked.

I sigh, knocking gently. “Y/n, it’s just me.”

A few seconds pass, and then I hear the soft click of the lock. The door opens, and there she is, completely wrecked, her eyes red and swollen, tears streaming down her face. My chest tightens at the sight of her.

“Ah no Y/n.” I mutter, stepping in without hesitation.

Before she can say a word, I pull her into me, wrapping my arms around her tightly. The second she buries her face into my chest, she breaks, her sobs shaking her whole body. I squeeze her tighter, resting my chin on the top of her head.

“He’s an idiot” I tell her. “A fucking idiot.”

She doesn’t respond, just keeps crying, and I hold her through it.

After a minute, I guide her over to the bed, and we settle in. She wipes at her face, sniffling, and I wait, letting her take her time.

Finally, I ask, “What happened last night?”

Y/n takes a deep breath, wiping at her damp cheeks before finally looking up at me. Her voice is quiet, shaky.

“It was fine at first” she starts. “Obviously I was so happy for you, then you’s got up and left after Chris did.” She trails off, taking another breath.

“Then Chris came back with them.”

I already know exactly who she means.

“Christina and Rachel” I say, and she nods, pressing her lips together like even saying the name makes her sick.

“Chris kinda insinuated to Matt about them two catching up.. Nate and I felt awkward, so we went and did two shots and when we came back Matt and Chris were gone, it was just Rachel and Christina in the booth.” She says, staring blankly across the room.

“I mean, I knew things had happened between them before, but Matt told me.. he told me he hadn’t been with anyone since..” She pauses, blinking rapidly, like she’s trying to stop fresh tears from falling. “Since that night in the house. And Vegas was after that, so I didn’t think, I hoped, nothing happened. But the second she started talking, I just knew.”

She clenches her fists in her lap, shaking her head.

“She was smug. She kept making these little comments, insinuating that they were a thing. And when I asked her outright how Vegas was, she just smirked and said “WhAt HaPpEnS iN vEgAs StAyS iN vEgas.”

My jaw tightens.

“That was it for me” she says. “I didn’t want to be there anymore. I knew if I stayed, I’d just get more upset, and I didn’t want to make a scene. I just needed to leave.”

She looks at me with tired, blood shot eyes.

“Nate asked if I was okay, and I told him it was just a weird situation, but.. the truth is, it wasn’t just weird. It hurt.” She pauses. “I don’t think anything happened in Vegas.. Well, I didn’t. But the fact that she’s still here, still acting like she has some claim over him, and the fact that he-” Her voice breaks, and she swallows hard before continuing. “That he let it happen? That he didn’t even try to stop it? It just made me feel like a fool.”

I shake my head, anger building in my chest.

“You’re not a fool.” I tell her firmly. “He is.”

She gives me a weak smile, but it doesn’t reach her eyes.

“Me and Nate ended up leaving then, he didn’t want to stay either” she says. “I didn’t even say goodbye to Matt, but at that point, I didn’t care. I just wanted to be away from it all.”

I nod. “Was anything said at all?”

She sighs. “Nope, when we got back to the villa. I checked my phone, hoping stupidly that maybe Matt had messaged me. I know he’d seen I left. I just hoped that he’d care.”

Her voice wavers on those last two words, and I clench my fists.

“But there was nothing” she whispers. “Not a single message. Not a bit of concern. And I just, got so angry because I knew why I was angry. Because I care. Because I have feelings for him.”

She blinks, a single tear slipping down her cheek.

“So I turned my phone off and went to bed, hoping that if I slept, the night would be over faster.”

I take a deep breath, letting everything she just told me sink in. I already was mad, but now? Now I’m fucking fuming.

I run a hand through my hair, shaking my head. “I'm going to say it again, but Matt’s a fucking idiot” I mutter.

She lets out a small, sad laugh. “Yeah. He is.”

I pull her in again, letting her rest against me.

I let out a deep sigh, rubbing my face. “I feel awful for not being there for you last night” I admit, my voice heavy with guilt.

Y/n immediately shakes her head. “No, don’t feel bad. You didn’t do anything wrong. You were living your life which you deserve, you were oblivious to everything.” She sniffles.

I lean my head back against the headboard, exhaling sharply. “Well, this whole situation has officially shocked me into being completely sober.”

That earns a small giggle from her, and I smile, relieved to see even the tiniest bit of light return to her eyes.

I tilt my head, looking at her. “Do you want me to stay in here for a bit?”

She hesitates for a second before shaking her head. “No, I think I’d like to be on my own for a little while.”

I nod, respecting her space. “Okay. But if you need anything, I mean it, Y/n, just come get me. I don’t care what time it is.”

She gives me a grateful smile. “Thanks, Nick.”

I squeeze her hand one last time before getting up, heading for the door. Before I step out, I glance back at her, still curled up in bed, her eyes staring off at nothing.

I want to fix this for her. I want to fix Matt. But for now, the only thing I can do is be here for her.

So I leave her room, closing the door gently behind me, and head to my own.

Y/n’s POV

I drag myself off of my bed to  push open the balcony door, letting the early morning air into my room. I feel like I’m suffocating in here, like the walls are closing in on me.

I crawl back into bed, staring at the ceiling, feeling nothing and everything all at once. Numbness settles over me, and I let it. I don’t know how long I lie there, my mind running in endless circles, but it must be at least an hour.

Then, faintly, I hear voices outside on the patio. My ears perk up at the low tones, one voice sharper than the other.

Nate and Chris.

I don’t move, barely breathing as I listen.

Nate’s voice is quiet, laced with disbelief. “I just don’t get it, man.”

Chris sighs. “What?”

“This whole thing. I came home with Y/n last night, and I thought-” He pauses, like he’s still processing it. “I thought Matt was different with her. That he actually gave a shit.”

Chris exhales, and I hear the scrape of a chair moving. “I don’t know what the fuck is going if I’m honest.”

Then followed by a pause.

“The girls are leaving soon” Chris says after a moment, his voice more certain. “I told them they have to go.”

Girls? So that means Rachel is in the villa, too.

I close my eyes, pressing my fingers into my temples. The thoughts of the four of them being in that booth all night. It’s not the four it should’ve been.

“Good” Nate finally says, though his voice is distant, still caught up in his thoughts. “That’s good.”

Neither of them says anything after that, just the occasional sound of movement. I don’t know what to do with any of this. Do I go back to sleep and pretend I didn’t hear? Do I stay curled up in bed and wait for them to leave?

I don’t know.

All I do know is that I don’t want to feel like this anymore.

I swallow the lump in my throat as I hear the girls voices outside, light and carefree, like they have no idea the storm they’ve left behind.

They laugh, saying their goodbyes, talking about how much fun they had. Christina’s voice is the loudest, going on about how this trip is "so needed." Rachel thanks Chris for having them over last night, her tone full of gratitude, like this was just some casual getaway and not the disaster it turned into.

“We’ll let you know when we’re back at our hotel” Rachel says smoothly.

Chris responds almost too casually, “Yeah, do that. Hopefully, we can meet later. One on one.”

I squeeze my eyes shut, feeling the sting in my chest. Of course. Of course, he’s already setting up another meetup, like none of this meant anything. Like bringing them here, ruining everything, was just some minor inconvenience.

How long are they even here for?

I hear the shuffle of movement. I hear Christina giggle, making some passing comment about how wild the night was, and then the sound of the front door closing.

They’re gone.

But the mess they left behind? That’s still here.

I should feel relieved, but all I feel is exhausted.

I don’t move from my bed for the rest of the day. Not for food, not for water. I just lie there, staring at the ceiling, feeling the weight of everything settle over me. My mind replays every moment, every touch, every look, every promise Matt ever gave me.

Was it all fake?

Did he ever mean any of it?

Or was his plan to play with me all along?

I feel stupid. Completely and utterly stupid. I let myself believe in something real. I let myself believe in him. And now, I’m left here, in this bed, in this villa, drowning in the realization that I was just another girl to him. Another meaningless moment in his never ending cycle of self sabotage.

Tears well up in my eyes, but I don’t let them fall. I’ve cried enough.

Instead, I just lay here. Empty.

Four more days in this place. Four more days of agony, of being in the same space as Matt, of pretending I don’t care when it’s eating me alive. Within the last 10 days, everything felt different, full of excitement, possibility. Now, it feels like I’m trapped in a nightmare I can’t wake up from.

It’s confusing. All of it. The way he looked at me before, the way he made me feel like I mattered. And now? Now he’s just another person who’s shown me that words mean nothing. That promises are empty.

But one thing is clear.

I don’t want to speak to Matt again.

a/n : GET HIM NICK GET HIM (dw any questions you may have will be answered)

taglist : @mattybearnard @sturn-33 @ncm9696 @yourfavsturniologirl @crazy4jewel @sodakid1234 @stupendoustreewinner @lovealwayssturniolos @matthewsturniolosss @m4ttsmunch @loveexxx @ilusa @starkeyszn @wonnieeluvvr @dylnblue @valxrieq @maggot3647 @cigarettecemetary @ribread03 @chrisstvrns @bandasaruswrx @noplaceissafeanymore @amexiass @witchofthehour @mattssgf @jetaimevous @v33angel  @ivysturnss @urmom69lol @ashlishes @watercolorskyy @sturnioloshottiekay @amelia-sturniolo3 @imjusthereforthesturniolosmut @pvssychicken @alizestvrnss @chrisstxrnsaxe @sophand4n4 @vickytaa @marrykisskilled @bxtchboy69 @yourfavsturniologirl @julisturn @sydneyylainn @sophia-77n @trevorsgodmother @sturnslutz @yourmother29 @girl24cherry @astronea @pinkdyit

[glittering-darmallon]

For Valrys Ingellvar

My favorite, "I am so done with all this" screenshots of them from their playthrough.

What type of plant would Harding gift your Rook? Jasmine- She notices Valrys likes to wear a jasmine perfume oil, and this way they can distill the fragrance easier and not run out

Do they like Harding's cooking? They try, but Harding insists on substituting yam for all meat, and they don't have the heart to tell her they hate yams. They have tried subtle suggestions about maybe more mushrooms and less yam. It hasn't worked so far.

What animal/monster would Davrin carve for your Rook? A nuggalope. Valrys has always wanted to ride one, preferrably into battle, but they're not picky. "GIANT NUGS, LACE! AND LOOK AT THAT WIDDLE FACE!"

Does your Rook like the walks in Arlathan with Davrin? Yes with a caveat. They are so over those poison spitting fade plants. "If I get hit by that green goo one more time, I'm going to destroy EVERYTHING!"

What is something Neve could call on your Rook for if she needs certain expertise for a case? Cosmetics outside Tevinter. "No, Neve, I'm pretty sure those are false eyelashes not tiny feathers. You can use a bit of sap to attach them to your lash line."

Does your Rook share Neve's love of fried fish? Absolutely not. They hate fish with a burning passion. It's a texture thing. "Ew, why is it falling apart in my mouth?"

Does your Rook join Bellara in her technical talks about the Fade and various artifacts or are they more content to listen? Yes, but more because they find the topic interesting, not that they are knowledgeable about it. They are a good student though, love to learn.

Do your Rook and Bellara read serials together? Yes, though Valrys enjoys the mystery serials a lot more than the romance ones. They have a pretty decent track record of figuring out whodunnit before the serial reveals it. Valrys: "No, I'm telling, Bellara, the monkey did it." Bellara: "What? No! No way!" Valrys: "Oh yeah. Hid in the chimney." (Did I just make Murders in the Rue Morgue appear in Thedas? Why yes I did."

What is your Rook's favorite dish that Lucanis cooks? Deep mushrooms stuffed with goat cheese, chives and spices- Made vegetarian for Valrys and Emmrich- sausage is added for the rest of the team

What would Lucanis buy for your Rook at the Grande Market? Bath oils, lip stain or other cosmetics. "I am not sure if the color is one you like, but I have it on good authority this merchant makes a really good product."

What dragon would Taash think your Rook would like the best? Fangscorcher- small but formidable but also reckless "Smart enough to set traps and hold grudges, not smart enough to control herself" Yup. That fits impulsive Valrys to a T

Do they bring your Rook 'round the Hall of Valor to drink often? Oh yeah. Valrys is a favorite of those at the Hilt. "They're so small. How are they packing away all that food? All that Ale?" Good ol' Dwarven constitution.

Would your Rook like Emmrich's mother's hazelnut torte? Not really. They don't care for apricots- But they would try it anyway

What kind of tea would Emmrich make for your Rook? Lavender black tea served with a candied lemon peel garnish. Vorgoth (The Chatterbox!) told Emmrich it had been Valrys' favorite since they were about eight. "DO NOT FORGET THE LEMON PEEL! YOU WILL MAKE THEM SAD. THEN YOU WILL HEAR FROM ME." Bonus: What is one thing a companion does to cheer up your Rook if they're feeling down? Taash or Davrin: Come on. Will smashing things with a giant hammer make you feel better? Valrys: Uh Huh Neve: I know of a storage room in Minrathous the Venatori like to frequent. Filled with pottery. Valrys begins running for the eluvian: "IT'S TIME TO SMASH!"

Small Rook & Companion Questions:

What type of plant would Harding gift your Rook?

Do they like Harding's cooking?

What animal/monster would Davrin carve for your Rook?

Does your Rook like the walks in Arlathan with Davrin?

What is something Neve could call on your Rook for if she needs certain expertise for a case?

Does your Rook share Neve's love of fried fish?

Does your Rook join Bellara in her technical talks about the Fade and various artifacts or are they more content to listen?

Do your Rook and Bellara read serials together?

What is your Rook's favorite dish that Lucanis cooks?

What would Lucanis buy for your Rook at the Grande Market?

What dragon would Taash think your Rook would like the best?

Do they bring your Rook 'round the Hall of Valor to drink often?

Would your Rook like Emmrich's mother's hazelnut torte?

What kind of tea would Emmrich make for your Rook?

Bonus: What is one thing a companion does to cheer up your Rook if they're feeling down?

[bigmoon-is-bigwife]

Ros and Bad's relationship is so sweet. Ros always gives Bad the benefit of the doubt and doesn't let other people's opinion of him affect her's and I think it does mean a lot to him. Bad often gets accused of being far worse than he actually is and gets blamed for things he didn't even do. She is open and honest with him and he's more willing to try and be the same for her in return. He's paranoid and has a lot of secrets and plans he doesn't want anyone knowing about but he generally does not outright lie to Ros. He'll twist the truth for things sometimes but it's generally when other people are involved. He's not naive enough to take risks and reveal information that could come back and bite him. He likes his plausible deniability. When it's just Ros however, he will usually give her his honest thoughts and opinions. He genuinely wants the best for Ros and will sometimes bend his own self governed rules to help her. When Ros stood between him and Foolish he was the one to try and end the conflict so he wouldn't be forced to shoot Ros. He would have because his rules state he must not let anyone come between him and Foolish, but he'd like to avoid killing Ros. If it was anyone else I don't think he would have hesitated to shoot anyway. He also frequently tells Ros that she should communicate with her faction more and that they value her. It would have been beneficial to draw her away to his own faction but he knows Ros values the people on Yellow. Multiple times Bad has commented on how he wishes he had Ros in his faction but he hasn't made any serious moves to convince her to leave Yellow despite having opportunities. He is a very selfish person but he is willing to be inconvenienced for Ros's benefit.

The problem though, is Bad is a demon and a very fucked up individual. He gives her advice but his idea of "good advice" is not universal. There are times he gives her good advice about friendship and relying on others and communication but ultimately he is an immortal demon with skewed morals. A lot of his advice revolves around killing people and hoping it works out. Someone is causing you problems? They can't cause you problems if they're dead! That works for Bad so surely it would work for Ros!

And now it's becoming even more obvious because Ros has come back with memory loss and is sick. Bad knows about memory loss and being sick! He wants to help her! His help includes interrogating her, hitting her over the head with various object and scaring her! This is his genuine best and Ros knows this. She doesn't really like the methods but she appreciates that he is one of the few people actively trying to help her.

[avifaunaa]

these strange noises [ voices ] followed me here

Authors Note: so like, this was intended as a Shauna fic ONLY. Nat somehow found her way in here on her own, without my consent. Oops.

Masterlist

Pairing: Shauna Shipman x fem!reader x Natalie Scatorccio

Summary: You didn’t like how strained things were with the team lately. Shauna didn’t like how easily you tried to make friends. Natalie? Natalie was just there by accident. But she’ll make sure Shauna’s message comes across clear.

Content Warnings: Dark-ISH, r has a crush on Nat, animal injury, animal death, soft!dark!Natalie, mean!dark!shauna, degradation and praise, grinding, breathplay, double penetration in two holes, which means anal, and vaginal, spit, spit as lube, scratching, fingering, controlling behavior, non/dubcon [ r for all lmao ], NO AFTERCARE | mention of past injuries and illness, as R hurts herself by accident and also works as a sort of medic for the team IM SO SORRY THIS GOT FILTHY LMFAO

Word Count: ~5.7k

Natalie was huddled with her little Council again. Lottie, Tai, Van . . . Whoever the team decided was the best suited at leading everyone out of this shithole into somewhat of a survivable society as you currently knew it.

You had to admit the ducks were cute — until Shauna came for them for dinner time. You steered clear from her around those times, when the look came to cover her features and she had the dark aura surrounding her. “Dark aura” was coined by Mari, and you made sure to never vocally mention it around Shauna.

You had managed to stay out of everyone’s way after you had fallen and broken your arm trying to be useful after the cabin burnt to splinters.

You had managed to become somewhat of a healer after resetting your own bones, creating a sling for your own arm, and packing the sling with leftover snow until the swelling went down.

Yay to three years of medical school.

It was now fully healed, but it never truly managed to recover right. There was an ache when you bent it a certain way and reaching up over your head was painful beyond measure. Still, the bone healed and you didn’t get a blood infection: win-win.

When Natalie had cropped up with some cuts from hunting expeditions, you’d offered to treat them with a prototype paste you had been testing out on your own minor scratches. She had been suspicious, but she hadn’t wanted to turn you down. So she agreed.

It worked somewhat — you had found some stinging nettle and fireweed in different areas of the surrounding territory that you had to make use of on your arm by ingesting.

You had her eat some of the paste and apply some to the cuts. Either way — it had worked to speed the healing process and ease her pain.

And so began your life as the team’s new medic. It hadn’t been intentional, but you were the only one currently still majoring in medicine and going through the process of trying to get into a residency.

You hadn’t told the team — especially Shauna — that you had planned to quit after this season.

You hadn’t told the team — especially Natalie — that you were moving to Vancouver for it.

Neither of them would’ve taken kindly to the news for different reasons, and you hoped that you died in these woods so you wouldn’t have to.

Mari was in your hut now, claiming she had a sore throat after one of the games they’d played. Shauna had punched her in the jugular, allegedly. It didn’t surprise you, not really. Shauna and Mari had been not so subtly resting their teeth at one another’s throats for weeks, and it was starting to drag on everyone.

“Ow,” Mari deadpanned as you pressed around the skin tenderly where you saw the outline of Shauna’s knuckles beginning to form.

“You’re fine. She probably didn’t do any real damage — just take it easy on any activity that requires you to yell at each other and maybe stay away from these games for a while,” you ordered, pulling your hand away.

She gave a sniff, nose wrinkled and lip curling up at the corner. You did your very best not to roll your eyes as she left without so much as a thank you. But she did squeeze your wrist, and you supposed that was thank you enough for Mari.

You went about your day stripping herbs and taking some berries from the food storages, making your pastes and wraps and using old clothes to make more slings in case another limb broke.

You heard shuffling outside of your hut and turned to find Shauna entering, a shadowy look on her face.

“Oh, hey.” You set down the makeshift bowl and smile warmly at Shauna despite the uneasiness that arose with her appearance. You avoided her at all costs these days — her and the rest of the makeshift Council. All of it terrified you and you didn’t want their eyes on you.

“Hey.” Short and curt, dark eyes glittering as they shifted around the hut at the hanging herbs and shells from the beach of the lake. “You’ve made a little spot for yourself here.”

“Hasn’t everyone?” you agreed carefully, shrugging a little bit as you went back to mashing berries and leaves together. This was a different paste you were experimenting with — one that may help coughs before next winter came to strike. “We have to sort of make do with what we’ve got right?”

“Yeah,” she murmured. You could feel her analyzing you in the way Shauna Shipman analyzed all things: like they were weak, or a target.

Shauna Shipman never sought to find enemies in the air or behind her — why would she? This is her world you’re in, her game you play most of the time especially because food is what she is in charge of.

Shauna Shipman is an apex predator who fears nothing and no one — and you are here only because she allows it, and perhaps she is here to remind you of that simple fact.

“Is everything okay?” you asked cautiously, dipping a finger into the sticky mixture you created and kneading at it anxiously. You refused to turn around and look at her and the way she seemed to track every movement you made.

“Why was Mari in here earlier?”

The inquiry shouldn’t have caught you off guard — it shouldn’t but it did. You would have put it off as something as simple as her wanting to check on a likely injured teammate but something inside of you told you that this was not as simple as that.

“She was receiving some medical attention from the strangulation she received. During the game.” You roped in any accusatory lilt that would’ve snuck in if you hadn’t been careful. “She’s fine.”

“I don’t really care,” Shauna replied casually. You turned around with the bowl and saw her fingering some of the hanging herbs, looking over them with disinterest.

“Then why’d you ask?”

Shauna stilled just a second before slowly moving her gaze back over to you. She hasn’t been all to normal since Jackie died — a fact you kept your mouth firmly shut over even if Gen and Melissa murmured about it from time to time.

There was a way her dark eyes flickered along your face and her lip curled upward like she had a reason to be disgusted with you that made you want to turn tail and run.

But alas — you were trapped in this goddamned hut with her now.

“I asked,” Shauna said lowly, voice dropping a couple of octaves, “because I saw her coming in here crying like a little bitch. I wanted to just remind everyone that this game is optional and she has a choice to play.”

Your tongue curled into the back of your mouth to kill all the things you wanted to snap back at her — all of them.

Oh, and she must have known it. Must have seen it in the way your face screwed and twisted up as you jerked your chin back down to your medicine making.

“If we have a choice, why are you acting like you’re accusing me of breaking the law?” you asked her slowly, in as much of a respectful tone as you could produce.

Shauna tilted her head just so. “Because the team considers it a bonding exercise; and it keeps us fit, quick on our feet, strong. Morale and shit.”

You wiped the paste onto the side of the bowl and set the object down onto a built in shelf of your hut, rubbing the excess onto your pants anxiously. You did not answer her, and she seemed inclined to talk to you more either way.

“Although,” Shauna continued, starting to creep closer to you with ease of a practiced creature of skill, “you wouldn’t really know one way or another. You exempt yourself everytime. I keep hoping to see you, you know?”

You play off your nerves with a scoff, rolling your eyes and trying to appease with a side smirk. “Please. Who the hell would help patch you assholes up after? Misty? She can’t hardly tell poison ivy from nettle. You’d all be dead in weeks.”

You hoped it did the trick — though you hated to do it at all. Misty was sort of becoming a friend to you in the last month, having offered her help when she wasn’t sniffing around Nat and Lottie so reverently. She would stop by so often and lend a hand with some work.

But then again, she was still Misty and she always had to be thrown under the bus in these situations.

Laughter drifted into your ears after a split second and soon the tension in your shoulders followed. “You may be right,” the brunette agreed, looking considerably lighter with an air of content.

Thank God.

“Only on days that end in y, Shipman.”

You tried to keep up a casual conversation with Shauna for a while just to ensure that the tension she entered with had all but vanished when she left you.

However it had the opposite effect. The longer you kept her — and tried to entertain her — the more her mood seemed to dip once more. Her eyes flickering behind her to the exit, arms crossed protectively and fidgeting with her sleeve.

It slowly built up until she found a way to end the conversation altogether, commenting that she had to go speak to Natalie about her ‘indiscretion’ regarding Mari. Whatever the hell that meant.

You were more confused by what had just transpired between the two of you than anything else.

“Kid.”

“I’m not a kid,” you corrected from your place by the camp’s center community fire. You were patching up one of the wings on Gen’s ducks as she anxiously stood to your right. “Why didn’t you clip them?” you asked Gen, scolding, “this is the fourth duck that’s been nearly carried off by a hawk.”

It was not Gen trying to get your attention at the moment -- for you were already focused on the crux of her problems: her wayward free-sighted ducks.

"Clipping them seems wrong," Gen retorted meekly, chewing on her chapped lips as she walked you work, "and what if something attacks camp and they can't get away?"

"We have a better chance at defending them together from something in camp than we do trying to get them back from a predator after they've taken flight from here," you reminded as you tenderly wrapped a waxy leaf between two sticks as a sort of splint. "Clip the wings, Gen, or we'll have more than just busted wings come winter."

"Kid," the same person behind you interrupted.

You ignored her as you pressed the flapping duck back into Gen's arms. "Keep an eye on her for three days, maybe keep her in your hut instead of with the others. I'm not a vet so I don't really know much about animals. All I know is that she needs to go easy on the wing."

A hand grasped your shoulder from behind and you stiffened. Gen glanced to who was behind you and mumbled a thanks before scampering off in the opposite direction.

You felt your body being turned by Nat as she met you with the least disguised look of irritation you've seen on her face in the last few days.

"Maybe calling me by my name would get my attention better," you greeted her dryly, plucking a loose duck feather off of your shirt and crossing your arms. "I tend to respond to it easier, too."

Nat rolled her eyes so hard that you could have almost placed a bet that she saw the inside of her own skull. "Right, of course, so sorry." She did not, in fact, sound sorry. She sounded fed up.

Which, you supposed, was fair enough.

"What do you need, Nat?" you asked, noting that her hand had drifted from your shoulder to your elbow instead.

"Do you want to go hunting with me?"

You blinked at her, struck silent immediately at her request. It was almost shy how she asked and you bit the inside of your cheek to keep from pointing that out.

"You took me once and I almost got both of us killed," you tried to deviate, throwing your gaze to your feet where dirty and ragged shoes scuffed the dirt.

"Yeah," Nat murmured, fingers drifting even lower until her fingers linked with yours, "which is why I want to bring you again. Besides -- you don't leave camp much now that you've managed to grow your herb garden. We could . . . we could look for some of the stuff you're low on and can't really grow?"

"Bringing Travis with you gives you a higher chance at finding something than if I were to come," you continued to deflect, though you allowed her hand to keep you locked in her space, entertaining her requests.

"I don't want to bring Travis, I want to bring you," she pointed out. "Look at me."

You drug your eyes slowly up her body until you were finally looking her in the eye, and you found her watching you with a soft encouragement but strong nature you knew Nat to carry with her.

"Good girl," the blonde praised followed by a squeeze to your hand. "So . . .?"

"Okay . . ." you agreed, cheeks reddening under her stare. "Okay, as long as you don't blame me if we don't catch anything."

She raises your linked palms and specifically curls her pinkie finger around yours. "I promise," she agrees, nodding with a little smirk gracing her features. "Now go get what you need."

Natalie was getting very frustrated and you had a sinking feeling you were connected to those feelings. She would point out spots to avoid stepping and you'd somehow find a way to unintentionally disobey that order.

She turned to glare at you when you were both crouched low in the underbrush as your knee pressed into fallen leaves and twigs.

"Sorry," you mouthed, stiffening up and not moving an inch as she turned back and settled in again.

She peered through the scope of the rifle and brushed her thumb along the trigger, shoulders relaxing as she eyed the well-fed doe in her sights.

She was beautiful and you hated to see her go, and you would tell Natalie as much later when the doe was shot down successfully.

She had the gun thrown over her shoulder as she inspected the kill, likely looking for anything Shauna would need to cut out parasite or old injury-wise when she went to butcher it.

"She was so pretty," you commented, unable to hide the tinge of sadness that paired with the words. "I'm sorry that she had to go."

At first you thought she ignored you. She had no response and the only noise around the two of you were the songs the birds sang above you, alerting the rest of the forest of your existence.

"She died for a good reason," the blonde finally said, throwing her bag down and opening it to reveal some bloodstained rope. "Just like they all have."

You did not press her on whether she meant your fallen teammates or just the animals. You did not think you wanted to know.

"Get her back legs, will you?" Nat tossed some ropes to you and you caught them.

You crouched at the back end of the deer and started lifting her legs to tie them together and stopped when you felt the leg closest to you give way too easily. You bent it a few times and breathed out a sigh, drawing Nat's attention.

"What?" she asked, frowning in your direction.

"Nothing -- just. She had an injury, a broken leg. I'm surprised she survived long enough for it to heal," you said as you stroked a hand down the base of the thigh. The leg felt weaker than the rest of the body, less muscled. "She may not have been using it either."

"She walked with a limp," Nat mentioned with a deepening frown, finishing the knot on the front legs. "She also had no herd -- maybe she couldn't keep up with them."

"Left behind." You drew the legs together and started to tie the knot, fixing it until it was tighter than you would have usually done it.

You felt Natalie watching you as you lifted her from the rear while she went to grab the front.

"Is this about --"

"No," you said, cutting her off, "it's not."

When you had broken your arm there had been a huge debate on whether or not to cannibalize you, release you into the woods and let you find your own way, or let you stay and care for you.

Before your arm you had no special job that kept you in a particular high standing -- Misty was the team's resident doctor at the time and as far as they knew, the most knowledgeable in the medical field. You had let her make them believe that -- it was too much. Too much death, too much illness, too much injury.

You wanted to be a pediatric surgeon, not watch and try to treat your friends as they died in the wilderness.

When you had been forced to fix your own arm that harsh night, it was also forcing you to reveal your abilities and in the end it forced you into the role you attempted to avoid for months.

But you never got over it; the fact that they considered throwing you out because you may bring greater weakness to their survival and because you may prove another mouth to feed if your arm healed wrong and you couldn't chop wood again, or lift heavy objects, or do chores that required arm work.

" . . . shoulder?"

"W-what?" you asked, blinking at Nat. She stared at you.

"Can you lift it over your shoulder? Just enough for us to get it carried back to camp? I know it hurts sometimes when --"

"It's fine," you said, clenching your jaw as you bent down to grab the animal. "Let's just -- let's just get going."

Nat did not press, but the air was thick with a heaviness you could not decipher for the entire trek back.

Four nights later you got into trouble.

Dinner was being served normally tonight -- no outfits or prayers like Lottie did from time to time.

What was off, though, was the way Shauna sat a few seats down and glared in your direction as Krystal and Mari kept trying to pull you into conversation.

You were mostly tuning them out. You had a headache from the boiling summer heat that lasted all day and water was only so helpful when it had to be boiled to be safe for consumption.

Everyone was going swimming together after this, while it was cool and the moon was bright. You would go with them this time -- anything to get the stink of sweat out of your skin and the cool water to surround your pounding head.

"You're going with Krystal and I, right?" Mari asked you as you downed the rest of your bowl. "Be our swimming buddy?"

What harm could it do? ]

"Sure," you started.

"Actually," Nat said loudly, leaning across Shauna to get your attention and staring you down with a crinkled nose, "Shauna and I want to steal you for our swimming trip. We wanted to use it as an opportunity to discuss some things with you."

"Okay --"

"Like what?" Mari scoffed, the barbing remark aiming for Shauna as her eyes rested on the quiet but very present brunette.

"Council things, Mari," Nat said shortly, "and if you want to keep acting up, you can stay behind and guard camp while we bring Misty instead."

"No thanks," Misty, for once, said with a squint. She hated swimming with the team. She much preferred privacy when doing anything in regards to undressing in general.

"Then behave," Nat told Mari as though she wouldn't be punishing Misty, as well.

Mari let it go. It was a bigger fight than she appeared to want to take on at the moment and you could not blame her. Nat and Shauna butted heads nine out of ten times but when they formed an alliance, it was formidable.

Everyone finished their meals without incident after that matter was settled but it left you anything except settled. Nat and Shauna had not previously mentioned wanting to talk to you about much of anything beforehand so this was as much a surprise to you as it was to Mari.

You all walked the worn path down to the lake together as a group but Shauna and Nat gestured for you to veer off with them down a slope before reaching the beach.

You hesitated and watched as the rest of the group laughed and disappeared over the lip of the path while Nat flung an arm around your shoulder and continued guiding you down the steep slope off trail.

"Where are we going?" you asked, eyes fixed on the barely-visible pattern of Shauna's flannel as she walked ahead of both of you.

"Shauna found a nice little spot, sort of a private beach. We can see and hear the others but the swim would be too far," Nat told you. You nearly tripped over a thick tree branch in your way and Nat grasped you roughly, fingers digging into the flesh of your arm to keep you from eating shit.

"You are prone to disaster, has anybody ever told you that?" she asked with laughter.

"Oh shut up," you grumbled.

Nat only laughed harder and you tuned her out once Shauna stepped out of the tree line and opened up to a small beachside grove. It seems she had made a sort of hideout here -- a tree stump had been dragged through the sand and she had some of the plane seats across it. There were rocks and shells sat out in piles like they'd been gathered overtime and sat aside on a boulder.

"It's pretty," you mused as you kicked off your shoes before stepping into the rough sand and following after Shauna.

"I know." Dark eyes watched you, gauging your reaction to her secret and you suddenly felt a ball of nervous energy form in your stomach. "Only Nat has seen it."

"Oh." You didn't know what meaning that held -- or what it meant for her to have also agreed to shown you. "Um -- cool. Why -- why show me?"

Nat was removing her shorts near the firepit and circle of makeshift seats, soon followed by her shirt and leaving her just in her underwear. She ran past you both and splashed into the water, laughing. "God, it feels so good."

You smiled at Nat and . . . how free she appeared as she swam deeper and dipped her head back into the water.

"We brought you because we can," Shauna said, obviously. She glanced behind her, following your gaze. She did not smile but there was a softening to her eyes that you thought had long since gone extinct after Jackie's untimely death.

"Want to get in?" she asked, elbow gesturing toward the water without removing her hands from her pockets.

"Oh. Yeah, absolutely." You made your way over to the damp sand, the water washing up your ankles in greeting.

"Absolutely not," Shauna breathed behind you, grabbing you by your shirt. Her lips brushed against your neck lightly. "No swimming in clothes. You could drown, stupid."

Your body flushed as the embarrassment swept over you like a wave from the lake. "R-right, yeah."

You waited for her to back away a bit but you could still feel her breath on your neck. You stepped slightly to the side and started undressing. You went to leave your underwear on but Shauna stopped you again.

"Everything."

"Nat has her underwear on?" you pointed out, glancing out to where the blonde lay on her back, treading water.

"And I care why?" Shauna drawls. "Take them off or I'll do it."

You trembled, an uneasy stickiness starting to coat the inside of said underwear despite yourself. But you did as you were told in order to avoid having Shauna wrangle them off of you.

Your heart was racing, your blood turning cold, and the sweat turning to ice along your skin as she gazed at you patiently like a hawk.

You added them to the pile and Shauna jerked her chin.

"Took you long enough," she said. "Go join Nat. I'll be there in a moment."

You slowly dipped into the water inch by inch until it was up to your chest, bottom of your toes barely managing to stay dug into the sand the deeper you got.

Natalie looked up and grinned at you, swimming to meet you the rest of the way. She crossed the waters to you and slid her arms around your waist, pulling you close until your chests touched.

You hoped she could not feel how fast your heart ran in your ribcage, otherwise you could be held for questioning.

You were not, however, expecting a knee to come rest between your thighs when she went to tangle her legs with yours. The following squeak had her grinning like a cat with freshly stolen milk.

"Make that sound again," Nat purred as she jerked her knee upward, this time rubbing into your cunt. You gasped and fell into her.

"Nat -- Nat stop." You dug your fingers into her shoulder to push back from her despite the dizzy feeling you got from the way she circled her knee.

"Why?" the blonde wondered, reaching over to tuck a strand of damp hair behind your ear and leaning across to suck at your collarbone. "You're so pretty."

"B-but shouldn't we talk about t-this?" you whispered, startling at the screams and laughter of the girls from across the lake. They sounded so close but the likelihood of them seeing you was little.

You felt a warmth against your back and another arm wrap around your waist. A hand ran along the curve of your neck, fingers pressing none-to-gently along each muscle that popped out with her puppeting your head. Shauna looked down at you as your head angled up to meet her gaze.

"Look at you." Then she leaned down and kissed you, teeth immediately making themselves apart of the equation as they dug into your bottom lip and she held her hand close to your jugular. Not squeezing, not even putting weight, just staying there.

A jolt of pleasure rushing down your spine. A whine escaped your lips and into Shauna's as Nat continued licking and biting along the skin there, her knee slowly moving up until it rubbed directly into your clit.

This was sudden -- unexpected and like a curveball sent across the field to knock you out.

"W-wait," you pleaded when Shauna broke the kiss for air. "Wait, stop."

"No," Shauna purred, fingers dancing along your abdomen. "We're staking our claim now that fucking Mari has started sniffing around where she doesn't belong."

"W-what?"

"W-what?" Shauna mocked. This time, the hand started applying the pressure it so lacked before. "God. You're fucking dumb, sometimes. Such a big brain but no thoughts."

"Oh, she's smart. My smart, pretty, empathetic girl," Nat crooned in front of you has she drags you and Shauna deeper into her, thus forcing you more on her knee. "Grind, baby."

"No," you whined. You tried to gain some form of control in this -- tried to collect yourself and try to splash at the water, but Shauna struck. She forced you against Nat even closer, leaving no escape. Both of them were more active, more stronger than you. You had no choice.

"Yes," Shauna whined back, mocking. Teeth started pulling at your earlobe. "Mari has been digging up a shit ton of trouble for us lately. She refuses to follow the rules, she's pitting everyone against each other, and what's worse: she's starting to use you to get to us."

What in the actual good fuck was she rambling about? A shudder rippled through you as Nat pulled you in for the kiss this time, allowing Shauna to roam and explore your body as she would. \

You fought it with best intentions, but the climax was building and you had no other option but to give into it, Shauna's body forcefully keeping you in motion. Nat's knee grew slick under the water as you came across her skin, breaking the kiss and crying out into the night.

"Such a good girl," Nat breathed, circling her knee four more times to ease you through it.

"Fuck," you sobbed, slumping in their arms as tears overcame you and you worked on recovering from the orgasm that just destroyed and put you back together all at once.

"Fucked stupid and sweet, just what I need," Shauna murmured as she stroked your sides with surprisingly tender hands while Nat kept her knee in place, not trusting you to be steady in the water.

"Why?" was all you could ask when you had wanted to break out numerous questions.

Shauna untangled wet hair, kissing small bites into your cheeks and neck. "You're so lonely, aren't you? We can't have Mari stealing you away. When the time comes, we need you on our side."

"For what?"

She did not reply.

After a while of floating in the water, most of it in which you yourself floated away from the place entirely, Nat and Shauna sought to get you out before you grew too cold.

Nat got out first and started a fire around the stump and chairs, but she seemed to be laying out the clothes like a blanket as Shauna guided you out and over to the fire.

They push you down and instead of leaving you to your own devices, Nat has you lay on top of her. "C'mon, let's cuddle," she murmured.

You didn't want to be touched, not by her or Shauna, or anyone. But your mental shields were shattered and Shauna was giving you a look as she threw a log into the flames, the orange flickering across her face like an angry shadow.

So you sit in Nat's lap instead of laying down, insisting you'd be more comfortable. She agrees and wraps your legs around her hips to help you get comfortable.

Nat was scratching at your back almost sweetly, and you could have fallen asleep then and there if it hadn't been for the fact that not even ten minutes later you felt her teeth grazing your shoulder and her fingers dipping low into your cunt.

You locked up in her arms, a high-pitched gasp escaping your lungs as her fingers sank into your heat which was still wet and allowed easy entrance.

"Were you sleepy? I'm sorry. I can't help it, you're just so beautiful and perfect like this," Natalie soothed as her other hand resumed stroking your back while two fingers started pumping evenly in and out of you.

You moaned into her bare neck, drool escaping as she brushed her nails against your walls. You started moving into the thrusts, unable to help yourself and feeling wanton.

"Does that feel good, baby? Does that make you happy?" Nat asked so softly and sweetly, peppering kisses along your skin endlessly. \

"Feels good," you whined.

"Good girl."

It wasn't long before Shauna joined in. "Fucking slut," the butcher hissed from behind you, getting to her knees with a soft thud on the laid out clothes and spitting on your back.

You squeaked when the wetness hit your skin, but quickly fingers swiped along the dip in your spine where it landed, collecting it on fingers.

"You're going to be fucking owned after tonight. Any pleasure you seek out will be from me or Nat. Any friendships you think you have will end. You don't need them."

Your body suddenly jerks forward when you feel Shauna's fingers start circling the outside of your back hole. "No, no, no," you blabbered, clenching up and trying to push as close to Nat as the huntress would allow.

"Hold her still," Shauna snapped.

Nat complied, stilling inside of you and killing the building orgasm in the process. She pressed her self as tight as possible into you and forced your writhing to come to a stop as Shauna pushed her way inside the outer rings of your ass.

"Ohmygod," you wailed, muffled, into Nat's shoulder as you tried to escape from the intrusion. Shauna snarled behind you and ran her free hand down your ass, nails leaving hot trails of stings in their wake.

"Move," Shauna ordered tightly, "fuck her like the whore she is."

Natalie pulled away to check your features -- she did not want to injure you in this. She saw only a glazed, floaty look in your eye and bit her lip before thrusting upwards again.

You gasped when Shauna followed suit, the two of them working in tandem to take you while you shivered and cried in their arms. Natalie whispered soothing praises in one ear while Shauna took from you and grew harsher in movement.

Something angry and disgusting was starting to coil like a viper in the darkest part of your entire being, wanting to strike them and cause as much pain as they were causing you. But instead only the crushing wave of the onslaught of an orgasm crashed into you.

You screamed through it -- it was devastating. It was the most painful thing you've ever experienced, and yet it was the greatest pleasure you've ever known. This is what destruction felt like and you reveled in it while also drowning in the aftermath.

They sat with you until the shakes and shudders ended, the only witness to your new life in the Wilderness being the moon you used to find comfort and escape from the overheating sun and burning in.

Now nothing in this world could keep you safe. Nothing, except maybe death.

[writing-for-marvel]

I’m back on the hurt train ready to get absolutely railed again

I’m pretty sure I said this in my first read of the chapter but the fact that your amazing mind chose to start and end this chapter, a fic about time loops, in flashbacks is actually genius

There was something almost like bemusement that appeared in the curl of Natasha’s lip, but she didn’t kick you out, which you took as a sign that your little outburst might have been closer to the truth than you’d really expected. You leaned back ever so slightly.

Oh this just feels so Nat, you’re characterisation feels so spot on, even down to the detail of her just needing to stare reader down and reader just keeps rambling like shes justifying herself

Then, without warning, she threw her glass at you.

You obviously can’t see me but I literally flinched out of the way reading this like it was me she had done this to 😂 but I love this scene with Nat so much, it’s such a *her* thing to do, the details are just perfect

“Yeah, I’m not gonna be able to do that,” you said flatly.

Literally took the words out of my mouth

So it appears you’ve gotten yourself stuck in some macabre version of Groundhog Day. Alright. Cool cool cool. You can work with that, probably. Maybe.

I love the inner monologue you have written, it’s honestly so refreshing and actually hilarious

It’s moments like these that make you miss Nat the most.

Stop it we can’t have more death and grief than we do already please

There was something about that woman that made everyone around her open up, whether they wanted to or not.

Literally flash back to what I said before about reader just rambling under her stare without her saying a single word

“Buck?” He huffs, even though he continues to wear his usual exasperated expression. “Did Sam hit you in the head?”

You raise your eyebrows in fake surprise. It’s so easy to fall back into your usual bickering, even with everything that’s going on. “You’re right, I don’t. Your cat probably got into my room again and let out her past week’s aggressions.”

“See, that’s exactly what she wants you to think.”

Eeeee they make me giddy 🥰🥰🥰

“Nope. This is my spot, too.”

“Great,” you sigh, angling yourself away from him. “I’ll be sure to make a reservation next time.”

I’m literally just giggling and kicking my feet every time they interact

“Try the floor,” Bucky says as you’re almost out of the room. He doesn’t turn when you do, but he seems to feel your questioning gaze. “If you can’t sleep. It helps, sometimes.”

Oh my baby 😭 just the thought of him sleeping on the floor for comfort actually hurts my soul

With a sigh, you get settled on the floor, staring up at the ceiling until your eyes get too tired.

Oh she takes his advice 🥺🥺🥺

When you see your own body still lying in bed next to where you’re standing, you almost trip over your own feet.

See I knew this was coming this time and yet it still felt like a shock to the system!!!

It’s one of your favorite comfort novels. You take good care of your books for the most part, but this one is quite battered; you’ve been bringing it with you on missions for years. A bit of home that fits into your pocket and helps calming you down on countless quinjet rides better than pictures ever could.

If someone comes into my room and insults one of my favourite books you can best believe I am finally learning to throw a punch and clock them in the jaw

“It happened because you activated the time stone,” Strange sneers. “Your powers are a lot stronger than you even care to realize, and it was idiotic to keep them a secret.”

She cares so much about Bucky that she’s activated the time stone??? Nika your mind wtf 🤯🤯🤯

He must have hit his head on the side of the big table, but the shield had protected him from the sharp edge. He’s pressing a hand to his wound and he’s conscious and fine. He’s fine.

I’m just sat here waiting with bated breath for this whole sequence

You fling your knife as fast as you can, but his single moment of hesitation was long enough for the trigger to be pulled a second time. You turn just in time to see the realization on Bucky’s face, the shock and panic in his eyes as they meet yours.

You’re telling me he dies in every rendition of this god damn day Nika it’s too painfulllllllll

Bucky figuring out that somethings wrong 😭😭 they barely spend any time together and yet he’s already worked her out 😭😭 don’t mind me imma just sob over here

Things were finally starting to look up.

Right just the kick to the gut I needed at the end of this torture (affectionate; I love it)

Nika I love it, I am after two chapters already pulling my hair out every time we have to see Bucky die, but the story itself is exceptional!!

Your writing style is absolutely gorgeous, I always feel so present in the moment with all of their conversations, all the characters feel so *real*, I adore them all

And I honestly can’t say enough about the magic system in place and readers powers, like I’m bewildered by how your gorgeous mind came to that. I can’t wait to dive more into it and learn the backstory behind it all

time after time [2]

series summary: After what starts out as a fairly normal mission, you find yourself stuck in a time loop. Which would already be bad enough in itself if it didn’t also mean having to watch Bucky die over and over again.

pairing: bucky barnes x f!reader

word count: 8.2k

chapter warnings: canon-typical violence, the angst continues, another reminder to read the fic premise; a couple of guest appearances; flashbacks are my establishing shots and i’m going to make it everyone’s problem

please note that my blog is rated 18+. minors dni. ageless/empty blogs will be blocked without warning.

a/n: 2am updates are kind of my brand at this point. big shout-out to @barnesafterglow who read a good chunk of this yesterday and is still talking to me <3 thank you all for your patience and your love for chapter one!!

series masterlist | main masterlist | read on ao3

two: twice upon a time

The first time you met Natasha Romanoff in person, a few weeks after the Snap, she only had to look at you for a couple of seconds to be able to read you like a book.

They’d compiled a file, of course, filled with all the general academic credits and official family information that was still available to the public and definitely more than a few things you’d tried to bury, too. Even then, the folder was reassuringly slim.

She’d have to take you at your word about what you’d come to offer her, anyway.

“And why would we want to have you?” she asked. As if she were interviewing you for a job. Which, technically speaking, she was.

You were on edge and Natasha knew it, even though you tried to hide your ever twitching fingers in your lap under the table, picking at the skin around your nails until you felt it break. You took a deep breath.

“Look, I know that I’m not exactly a soldier, or a—a superhero type, but I … I don’t know, I would just like to use my … thing to do good, for once. You know, stuff that will help people.”

And do it on your own terms. It stayed unsaid, then. You didn’t admit that part until much later.

Natasha’s face stayed perfectly neutral through your rambling, and you weren’t sure whether that was calming you down or making you more anxious. You reached for your necklace, tugging at the chain.

“But I can’t really do that on my own,” you continued, “and you, well, all of you, you’ve done it for a while and you’re good at it. And I think I could help with that.”

She still didn’t say anything, just kept waiting while you sat awkwardly in that uncomfortable office chair, regretting your decision of ever following through with your crazy impulsive idea of coming here.

But where else would you have gone?

“Also,” you remarked in a sudden burst of boldness, “I think you could use every extra pair of hands you can get at the moment.”

There was something almost like bemusement that appeared in the curl of Natasha’s lip, but she didn’t kick you out, which you took as a sign that your little outburst might have been closer to the truth than you’d really expected. You leaned back ever so slightly.

You couldn’t be sure, then, if she’d pieced together what little information they’d had on you in your file or if she’d just figured you out while you were sitting in this office, but it didn’t make all that much of a difference. She didn’t have to ask why you’d decided to offer up your abilities to the Avengers now, after everything, when they’d been hidden away for most of your life.

“You’re lonely. And you need a purpose, like all of us,” she said, looking you up and down apprehensively.

Then, without warning, she threw her glass at you.

You flinched to the side and it shattered on the wall behind you. The leftover drink slowly sank into the carpet as you turned to stare at her in shock.

Natasha lifted one of her perfectly trimmed eyebrows. “You wanna try that again?”

Really, you should’ve expected the test.

You closed your eyes and raised your hands.

It’s a strange experience, going back in time. No one had really asked you to describe what it was like, and you probably couldn’t have if you tried. It felt a little like retracing your own steps in your head, relocating your conscience to an earlier moment, second by second, in a rapid backwards motion. Like very vivid remembering. Only, it’s not just that.

“You’re lonely,” Natasha said, swirling the dregs of her glass, her green eyes tracing over you. “And you need a purpose, like all of us.”

You were expecting it this time, but the glass still slipped through your fingers and broke into tiny shards on the floor. Not good enough. You didn’t wait for her reaction this time, cursing under your breath and pulling yourself back again. As always, it took considerably more effort.

You tried your best not to stare at the glass while Natasha spoke, but you didn’t really listen anymore. This time, you caught it, even though its contents spilled over your hand.

Natasha smirked. “Not bad. First try?”

“This is when I lie to sound capable, right?” You shook the liquid off your fingers, sure she’d already noticed the sweat on your temples. No use in lying to a spy, anyway, you supposed, so you admitted, “Third.”

“We’ll work on that. But honesty’s a good start.” She held out her hand and you returned the glass. “Have you ever done combat training?”

You could barely stifle a nervous laugh. “Do I look like I’ve ever done combat training?”

“I don’t tend to judge people based on how they appear,” Natasha said, uncrossing her legs. “Come with me.”

You followed her back out of the office into the wide, empty hallway. You hadn’t seen anyone else around on the whole Compound, even though it could probably house hundreds of people on the ground floor alone. The clacking sound of your steps on the tiled floor seemed to echo all around you.

It felt like you were announcing yourself to everyone within a two-mile radius while Natasha moved around on her bare feet without a single sound.

A glass elevator took you down to the subterranean level of the building. Once the doors slid open, Natasha marched straight to a double door with square windows and large metal handlebars.

“Leave your shoes and bag by the door,” she told you. She waited for you to untie your laces and awkwardly wiggle out of your boots before she let you both in.

The Compound gym was even bigger than you’d expected. You weren’t sure if you were more surprised by that revelation or by the presence of a certain super soldier kicking the life out of a punching bag on the other side of the hall.

“Hey Rogers,” Natasha shouted as it got smacked to the ground. “Brought a new recruit!”

“Really?” he called back, unwrapping the bandages around his knuckles.

“Really?” you said. Sure, that was what you came here for, but even so, you were a little shocked it had been that simple.

“Like you said, we’re a little desperate at the moment,” she winked.

“I didn’t say that,” you muttered anxiously as Captain America jogged over to join you, a towel thrown over his shoulder. Despite his workout, he hadn’t even broken a sweat.

“Steve Rogers,” he said, holding out his hand with a smile.

You shook it, slightly bewildered, and introduced yourself. He repeated your name back at you and you had to take a moment to think how strange this whole situation was, even in all the madness that’d been going on. How unreal.

“I’m sure it’ll be good to have ya,” he said, and you almost laughed at the absurdity of it all. Thankfully, you caught yourself in time.

Meanwhile, Natasha had dragged one of the thick foam mats away from the heavy equipment and rolled it out. Cracking her neck, she stepped onto it and pushed her hair out of her face.

“Okay. Show me how you’d throw a punch.”

She held out her hands flat in front of her and nodded her head for you to join her on the mat. You’d never felt so stupid in your life as you tried to rack your brains for whatever little you took from those self-defense lessons however long ago. At least Captain Goddamn America seemed to be politely ignoring you in favor of putting some weights away.

“Just move on instinct, you’re not getting graded,” Natasha said calmly.

Your instincts were telling you you were absolutely getting graded and this was your worst idea to date, but you tried your best. She had you aim at different heights a few times before she stopped you.

“Okay, your posture’s terrible. You have to straighten your back and bend your knees more, see?” She demonstrated the right stance, waiting for you to copy her. “There you go. That’s your standard pose.”

“Alright,” you said, testing it out with a little bounce. “And what do I do with that?”

“Depends on what you’re trying to do. With the right training, you can use your own weight to your advantage in a fight. Steve?”

“Oh, great, am I volunteering?” He joined you on the mat and you moved to give the two of them enough space.

“You love it. Now watch me,” she added, looking at you.

Before Steve could even properly raise up his arms, Natasha launched into a handflip and somehow managed to wrap her legs around his body. The sudden movement made him stumble backwards. He lurched his body forwards to get her off his shoulders, but she used the momentum of her fall to kick him off his feet onto the mat. She gracefully landed on all fours like a cat. It looked effortless.

“You’re right,” Steve groaned, “this is very fun for me.”

“Yeah, I’m not gonna be able to do that,” you said flatly.

“I don’t expect you to,” Natasha said, pulling her hair behind her ears again. “But you do have to be able to survive in a fight, even without your powers, if you want to join the team. We can’t babysit you.”

You pressed your lips together, slowly curling your hands into fists and opening them again.

“Alright,” you said, your voice strangely dry. “When do we start?”

*****

Your initial reaction is relief.

Relief, because it’s Friday again, which means nothing has actually happened, which means Bucky is still alive.

Then, the implications of that fact hit you all at once.

You must’ve blacked out for a second or two, because when you open your eyes again, you’re lying on the floor next to your bed, heart still pounding a mile an hour. Your breath comes out in short gasps, and you force it to slow just in time for the knock on the door.

“Rise and shine, McFly! Time to get your ass kicked!”

“Just gimme a minute!” you shout back and stumble to the bathroom.

Your hands and face are speckled with blood and you wash it off furiously, biting your lip as the tiny cuts on your skin left by the glass shards burn under your touch. Turning off the faucet, you keep leaning onto the basin and stare at your hands.

You’re not sure what you expected. Your rings are still the blackest you’ve ever seen them, and the dimly glowing symbols keep slowly circling around your wrist. It doesn’t take you long to put two and two together, because once is a coincidence, a strange, fateful accident, but twice is a pattern. And of course you’ve heard about this kind of thing happening. Only not like this.

Life everlasting.

No. Definitely not like this.

So it appears you’ve gotten yourself stuck in some macabre version of Groundhog Day. Alright. Cool cool cool. You can work with that, probably. Maybe.

“Did you get lost in there?” Sam remarks with a grin when you finally step out of your room, still looking slightly disheveled.

“I—” You stop yourself, blinking at him until he starts looking slightly concerned.

“You alright? You look …” His eyebrows raise even higher. “Shell-shocked.”

Well, this isn’t exactly an everyday occurence even for me, Samuel, you want to tell him. Instead, you say, “Don’t ever wake me up like that again.” It lacks yesterday’s punch.

“Sweet white teenage angst not your style?”

You hum, but don’t reply otherwise, still lost in thought as you climb the stairs, trying to assess your situation and come up with some sort of plan.

It’s fairly obvious you fucked up your reset the other day. So much for the precious space-time continuum; oh, you hate it when the wizard people are right every now and then.

You glance sideways at Sam while he stretches his back in the ring. He seems fine, completely normal, unaware of what’s going on with you, and of course he would be. Nothing unusual about that part of your powers. Or what’s left of them.

You raise your hands experimentally.

“I’m not high-fiving you until you get one kick in, at least.”

Not even the slightest hitch. It’s like your powers have just up and left you completely. A strange heaviness settles in your stomach. Fucking useless.

You avert your burning eyes from Sam’s gaze.

It’s not like you … talk.

None of you do, not really. Sure, you chat. You’re great at chatting. You’ve had years, countless tries of perfecting smalltalk, of knowing the things you can get away with saying to certain people. It’s made you reckless in the past, knowing you could probably replay entire conversations in the blink of an eye, the pressure of expectation gone completely.

Ever since you started coming out of hiding again, though, the fun has drizzled out of that more and more. It’s one thing to impress strangers and another to be several steps ahead of the people you’ve started to consider your friends.

Because even though sometimes it sure would be easier, having people un-live conversations they’ve had with you, particularly hard or emotional ones, is sort of a shitty move if you continue to spend your time around them afterwards. And you’ve grown determined to not intentionally hurt people with your powers. Not anymore.

So yes, you chat. You know Sam’s favorite color and the video games his nephews want for their birthdays. You know what kind of music Bucky listens to, mostly because he forgets to turn on the soundproofing in his room and Jazz trumpets are surprisingly loud. You know their habits, the foods they like, the movies they hate.

But you don’t … share. Nothing that goes deeper than the general stuff.

It’s moments like these that make you miss Nat the most.

There was something about that woman that made everyone around her open up, whether they wanted to or not. You’re almost resolved to call her as soon as you get back to your room before you remember.

You’re gonna have to do this on your own. Back to square one.

“What is up with you today?”

“I’m fine,” you grunt, but make no effort to get back up again. “Didn’t sleep well. Ow.” You narrow your eyes at Sam. “Did you just kick me?”

“I wanted to see if you’re still alive.”

“Horrible. I’m quitting. You can go spar with Bucky again.”

“At least he puts up a fight.” Sam crouches down next to you. “Anything you wanna tell me?”

Yes. You shake your head. He probably wouldn’t believe you, anyway.

“Alright,” he says, clapping you on the shoulder. You scrunch your nose. “I’m gonna hit the showers. But we’re doing a rain check for tomorrow, and you sort out your pea under the mattress situation.”

“Okay.”

You listen to Sam’s receding steps and the sound of the door opening and closing again. Then, there’s nothing but silence and the ticking of the clock on the far wall.

Even though you know you should probably just head out as well, you can’t help but linger again. Just in case.

“You look like shit.”

Your head rolls to the side. Fuck you, Barnes. “Hey, Buck.”

Same spot on the bench next to the ring, same hunched over position, same concentrated look on his face while he cleans up the shimmering golden nooks in his arm.

“Buck?” He huffs, even though he continues to wear his usual exasperated expression. “Did Sam hit you in the head?”

You don’t answer, just keep staring at his profile for a little while longer. Your eyes are drawn to the nape of his neck, to the center of his chest. You bite the inside of your cheek so hard it hurts.

“What’re you lookin’ at?” Bucky says lowly. You turn your gaze back to the ceiling.

“Nothing,” you answer, pulling an arm over your eyes. The sweatband rubs against your eyebrow.

Maybe, you think, just maybe, it could still be a fluke. Only one more time to get things right, and then all will just go back to normal. Maybe you’ll be fine today. He’ll be fine.

There’s a buzzing in your ears, and you’re not sure if it comes from the green symbols gyrating around your arm or if you’re just imagining it altogether.

“What happened to your face?” Bucky asks unexpectedly, casually, as if he were talking about the weather.

“What do you mean?”

“You look like you dove head-first into a rose bush.”

“Hah.” You slowly sit up, your muscles aching for a hot shower. Three days of training and fighting in a row are not agreeing with your body. “Must’ve scratched myself in my sleep.”

If he sees through your lie, he doesn’t call you out on it. “Didn’t know you have talons.”

You raise your eyebrows in fake surprise. It’s so easy to fall back into your usual bickering, even with everything that’s going on. “You’re right, I don’t. Your cat probably got into my room again and let out her past week’s aggressions.”

“My cat slept soundly, thank you very much,” Bucky says dryly.

“See, that’s exactly what she wants you to think.”

“Funny.” He stands up, hanging the piece of cloth over the side of the boxing ring to air out. “Take the towel on the right, I already used the other one.”

“Thanks, Buck,” you say with a smirk. He ignores you.

***

The shower is what brings your mood back down again. In the silence of the water hitting your back, there’s enough time for you to think about the upcoming day that you’ve already been through twice.

Up until the mission, it’s gone by fine, unremarkably so, which only makes the build-up to the evening even worse, in your opinion. You face the stream of hot water directly, trying to rid yourself of the image of Bucky lying on the floor, bleeding out in front of you.

You need to be rational about this.

First, you need to figure out what’s going on with your powers. Then, you have to make up your mind about lunch, because while you don’t exactly resent the thought of your third pizza in as many days, your stomach sadly doesn’t agree with that notion. And finally, you’re going to break this damn cycle you’re in. Easy as that.

You turn off the shower with your newfound resolve and grab the clean towel.

Your determination lasts up until you get back to your room and realize you don’t actually know how you are going to fix your powers. They’ve always been somewhat fickle, unpredictable even to you, acting up whenever it’s most inconvenient. Impossible.

No one has ever been able to tell you where they came from, nor how you could properly control them. Everything you know you had to figure out through trial and error, replaying the same scenario over and over again, and, more often than not, lucky coincidences.

Usually, when your rings are black and your powers are weakened, it helps to let your body regain its strength first. In other words, you need to sleep.

This is something you probably should have thought through before getting your morning coffee with an extra shot of espresso, out of habit, but that’s not something you can change right now.

The living room area wouldn’t usually be your first choice for a midday nap, but you’re not ready to face the bloodstains on your bedding quite yet, so you’ll have to make do with one of the suspiciously IKEA-looking throw pillows on the couch. The TV is chattering away in the background, just loud enough to somewhat distract you from your own thoughts.

It’s not enough to fall asleep, though.

You keep tossing and turning, half-listening to three or four episodes of some nineties sitcom, while your anxiety gnaws away at your insides. There’s a constant low pounding in your head that drives you up the wall, and again you swear you can hear the symbols looping around your wrist. You keep scratching at your sweatband, but it’s no use.

You don’t know how much time has passed before the pattering of small paws makes you sigh in disdain.

There’s an obnoxiously loud meowing close to your feet, followed by a sudden weight dropping on your stomach that almost invites your garlic bread back up for a double feature. You peer out at the white shape on top of you, innocently toying with the hem of your shirt.

In general, you like cats just fine, but something about Alpine has always unsettled you. Sure, she’s a cute-looking ball of fluff, but she’s also quick to scratch unsuspecting people bending down to pet her, and she seems to have a particular bone to pick with you.

“Maybe she’s just a good judge of character,” Sam jokes whenever you complain about it.

“She doesn’t like you any better.”

“Yeah, but I’m allergic to her,” Sam shrugs. “The farther she stays away, the more a favor it’s doing me.”

In truth, the only person Alpine likes is Bucky, and she loves to show it every chance she gets.

“You’re in her spot.”

Alpine graciously allows you to push up to your elbows with a groan. Bucky’s tall figure is looming over your head; there’s a bemused expression on his face. He must’ve just walked in through the door, because he’s still wearing his jacket.

“Why does the cat need a spot on the couch, exactly?” You try to shoo her off your lap, but Alpine digs her claws deeper into your shorts and you wince. “You really need to teach her manners.”

“You gotta be gentle with her,” Bucky says, pulling her off you without a hitch. “Move over.”

You swing your legs off the couch with a roll of your eyes. “Can’t you sit somewhere else?”

“Nope. This is my spot, too.”

“Great,” you sigh, angling yourself away from him. “I’ll be sure to make a reservation next time.”

Alpine starts purring as Bucky scratches her under the chin. “You watchin’ that?”

“I was trying to nap,” you mumble, throwing him the remote with a little more force than necessary. “What time is it, anyway?”

“Thirteen twelve hours.”

“Please stop just saying numbers when I ask you that.”

Bucky smirks again and switches channels. “Quarter past one-ish.”

You blink at him tiredly, surprised to find out he’s been back so early. The past two days, you didn’t see him around again until the broadcast was about to start. Then again, you didn’t really pay attention at that point, either.

There’s that tick in his jaw that he always gets when something is bothering him, even as he’s distracted by a playful cat in his lap. You’d better relieve him of the burden of your presence.

“Well,” you say, standing up. Alpine whines indignantly at the sudden movement. “I’ll try to find a cat-free spot in this tower, then.”

“Try the floor,” Bucky says as you’re almost out of the room. He doesn’t turn when you do, but he seems to feel your questioning gaze. “If you can’t sleep. It helps, sometimes.”

You hide your hands in your pants pockets, even though it’s far too late by now. He’s already noticed your black rings.

With a short hum, you briskly walk back to your room, leaning against the door as it closes behind you. This is getting ridiculous, you think, worrying the ring on your pinkie finger with your thumb. As if you didn’t have enough reasons to get a hold of your powers again; you don’t know what you would do if Bucky really got suspicious of you now.

Taking a deep breath, you eye your bed. Compared to yesterday, the blood stains on your sheets are barely more than a few specks, because you weren’t as close to Bucky when it happened. Somehow, that doesn’t make you feel any better.

“Fine,” you mutter in annoyance, grabbing one of your pillows and throwing it on the floor next to your bed. “FRIDAY, can you wake me in time for Sam’s speech?”

“Of course,” FRIDAY tells you. “Do you want me to use the same song as this morning?”

“Please don’t.” A little idea pipes up at the back of your head. “Do you have any record of playing that song before?”

“Last dates played. Friday, July 4th 2025, 07:50 a.m. Playtime: forty-five seconds. Thursday, March 13th 2014, 02:49 a.m. Playtime: one hour, twenty-seven minutes, eighteen seconds. End of record.”

Interesting night for Tony, then, but not exactly telling when it comes to your time loop situation. With a sigh, you get settled on the floor, staring up at the ceiling until your eyes get too tired.

You’ll think of something once you’ve had a bit of sleep. He’ll be fine.

And then, just as you’re finally about to drift off, you feel a sudden jolt go through you. It’s a bizarre sensation, like you’re falling and jumping at the same time, but your body isn’t actually moving with you. Like someone pulling at your very consciousness.

Your eyes fly open and you gasp for air.

You’re still in your room, which should be good news, but everything looks … weird. Not as out of focus as it would be if you were simply dreaming, but somehow crooked, the angles unusually pronounced. The colors are all off, the lights way lower than they should be this time of day, and when you reach out for the edge of your bed, your hands—

You take a sharp breath. Your fingers are bare, no trace of your rings anywhere, and even worse, your hands are partly transparent. Cautiously, you get up on your equally as see-through legs and turn around.

When you see your own body still lying in bed next to where you’re standing, you almost trip over your own feet.

You stare at yourself in disbelief. One of your body’s hands is tucked under the pillow, and it’s breathing regularly. Carefully, you take a step closer and reach out your noncorporeal hand. Your shoulder feels warm and solid underneath your fingertips.

Your body wrinkles its nose in its sleep and you jerk back again, losing your balance and falling to the floor. Your body doesn’t react at all, even though you pull part of the blanket with you as you go down.

“Okay. This is a dream,” you tell yourself, even though you feel your heart pounding. “Just some weird-ass dream, and I have to wake up.” Again, you can’t help but look at the sleeping body lying in your bed.

You press your hands over your eyes, willing yourself to slow your breathing. The edge of your nightstand jabs you painfully between the shoulder blades, too real to be nothing more than an act of your imagination.

“You’re not what I expected.”

The man’s voice makes you flinch slightly. Slowly, you peek through your fingers.

You either didn’t notice him while you were taking in your surroundings or he’s just blended in with them seamlessly, although you’re not sure how that last one could even be a possibility. His back is turned to you, his frame covered by a long, deep red cloak with intricate patterns stitched along the seams. He’s perusing your bookshelf, picking up old copies seemingly at random.

For some reason, your shock at the sight of him is outweighed by immediate irritation. Something about the man instantly irks you.

“Thanks, I think,” you tell him, throwing the edge of the blanket over your sleeping body again as you get up, never letting the man out of your sight.

He turns around, one of his eyebrows raised. Your eyes immediately fall on the amulet around his neck and your heart gives a stutter. You ignore it.

“Not a compliment.” He holds up a book. “This is how you spend your time, then?”

It’s one of your favorite comfort novels. You take good care of your books for the most part, but this one is quite battered; you’ve been bringing it with you on missions for years. A bit of home that fits into your pocket and helps calming you down on countless quinjet rides better than pictures ever could.

“Sue me for trying to relax in between saving the world,” you say, crossing your arms.

“Of course,” the man says wryly. “Because god forbid you use those powers of yours to their full extent, we wouldn’t want that.”

“And what’s it to you?” you snap.

The man calmly puts the book down again; not where he picked it up from, you notice in annoyance.

“My name is Doctor Stephen Strange,” he says, watching your face for your reaction. “Ah, so you have heard of me.”

Of course you have. You know who he is, you must’ve seen his picture hundreds of times during the Blip, and even before that, you’d heard about his reputation. As one of the keepers of the time stone back when it still existed, he’s on your list of people you least want to see, ever.

You narrow your eyes at him. “How did you find me? What—” You take a quick look back at your own sleeping form. “What is this place?”

“The astral plane,” he says, swiping your bookshelf for dust and inspecting his fingertips contemptuously. They’re shaking ever so slightly. “Something you would know if you hadn’t spent the past decade avoiding every single chance to use your powers responsibly.”

“Wow,” you huff. “You don’t know anything about me or about my powers.”

“Don’t I, Y/N Y/L/N?” Strange’s cloak flaps slightly as if it were shrugging.

“I spent the last couple of years trying to save lives.”

“You’re riding on luck and pretend it’s control. You have no idea what this could do to the grand scheme of things.”

“Well, I never asked for these powers, okay?” you say defensively. “I just have them. What I don’t have is any interest in being a pawn in some grand scheme of things when I never wanted any of this.”

“People don’t generally get a choice in that matter.” His gaze drops to your wrist. “And now look where your resistance to accept your responsibilities got you.”

The green band of symbols is still leisurely circling around your arm. You bite your tongue. “I don’t know how that happened,” you say, your voice breaking slightly on the last word.

“It happened because you activated the time stone,” Strange sneers. “Your powers are a lot stronger than you even care to realize, and it was idiotic to keep them a secret.”

“Why, so you could use them for your own gain?”

“So I could prevent this exact kind of thing from happening.”

You throw your hands in the air in frustration. “So end it, then. Or did you drag me here just to berate me?”

Strange chuckles humorlessly. “This is not something others can just fix for you, Miss Y/L/N. You cast a very powerful spell in creating this loop, and you are the only one who can lift it again.”

“Great. I’m screwed, then, is that what you’re saying?” You might not be inside of your body at the moment, but you can still feel your cheeks heating up. “I want you to leave me the fuck alone.”

“You need to calm down,” Stange says sharply.

“Don’t tell me to calm down, get out of my—head, or whatever this is. Get out!”

“Alright then. Continue to play stubborn. See how far it gets you.” He holds out his right hand and there’s a crack in the air behind him; almost like a doorway, or a mirror. “I’ll be here when you’re done acting like a child.”

You come to on your bedroom floor, feeling almost more tired than you did when you laid down earlier. It takes your bleary eyes a moment to adjust to your surroundings again. When you sit up, a thin throw blanket that you don’t remember pulling over your shoulders falls into your lap.

This really is just a whole bunch of disasters stacked on top of each other.

You don’t even have to look at your rings to know there’s still not the slightest green spec in sight. Your fingers find your necklace and you tug slightly to reassure yourself of its presence. How the hell did Strange even find you?

There’s no time to think about it for too long, because once again, there’s a knock at your bedroom door.

“We got a lead on that lab,” Sam shouts on the other side. “Jet’s leaving in half an hour, get ready.”

You blink at the clock on your wall in confusion. Even though you feel like you only spent a couple of minutes in this other dimension you were dragged into, several hours have passed in this one.

Time is seriously out of your hands, and it’s only getting worse.

***

“Don’t you think that maybe they have an alarm set or something?” you say, contemplating the explosives laid out in front of you.

Sam raises his eyebrows, adjusting the intercom chip in his ear. “Is that a hunch or are you telling me?”

“Both.” You flex your fingers. “It’s just that announcing ourselves probably isn’t in our best interest right now.”

“And you couldn’t have said that earlier? As in, before we landed?” Sam sighs.

Bucky snorts as you shrug your shoulders helplessly. Your body desperately needed the half hour of uneasy sleep the flight has afforded it, even though your powers seem to be unimpressed by it.

“Look, it’s gonna be fine,” Sam continues, squeezing your arm. “We’ve handled worse. Besides, if they do have an alarm set, they’re gonna come to us whether we knock down that wall or not.”

“I guess,” you mumble, grabbing the explosives. “Let’s play knock-knock with terrorists then, that oughtta be fun.”

“Reminds me of ‘44,” Bucky says, more to himself than to either of you.

When you follow Sam down the hallway once again, you can’t help but search for the cameras you know are hidden here somewhere, but it’s impossible to tell in the dingy light. You should bring a stronger flashlight next ti—no.

You blink, stopping that thought before it’s fully formed.

There won’t be a next time. This thing ends tonight, once and for all.

Third time’s the charm, right?

About as charming as a kick to the face, you think as you find yourself delivering just that.

Sam takes off. “We better get moving. If you take care of the drive and these idiots, I’ll clear the tunnels for a way out of here!”

Bucky catches Sam’s shield as you disarm the white jacket with the knife and duck as the shots ring out. You’re sweating in your kevlar vest.

“Two o’clock, Bucky,” you tell him, throwing another punch. You’re so sick of this white-coated asshole in particular; it’s like they think you’re in the rumble from West Side Story. “And whatever you do, don’t throw that shield, alright?”

“You’re bossy today,” Bucky huffs, taking out the one with the blaster.

“I think you mean thorough,” you reply as Riff finally goes out cold.

“You tell yourself that.” He reloads his gun instead, shield firmly locked around his right arm. “How much longer for the transfer?”

You glance at the monitors and try to remember. “About a minute, maybe two.”

“Sam, you copy?” The last white jacket goes down.

“Ready for take-off in five,” Sam confirms cheerfully. “Heads-up, there’s at least another dozen heading your way.”

“Got it.” Bucky bumps your shoulder as he starts back towards the computers, leaving you only a second to process the different turnout of events.

Shouldn’t he insist on leaving?

The only thing that differentiates this mission from the first one is that you haven’t had to jump back to know what to look out for, and therefore don’t suffer the immediate side effects a redo usually has on you. You suppose that’s what they initially expected your powers to be like; flawless, useful, magical.

It’s like a slap in the face, even though Bucky doesn’t realize he’s doing it. The fact that he really does think lesser of you because of your stupid, faulty powers stings more than you care to admit.

You shake yourself back to the present moment. “Take the drive and then get away from there!” you shout, trying to catch up with him. Your lungs are burning. “They’re gonna blow up the—”

The blast of the explosion throws you backwards and you land on one of the unconscious bodies on the ground. Coughing, you roll to your hands and knees.

“Wha—ppening?” Sam’s cut off voice comes through the broken comms.

“Bucky?” You stumble towards the flaming mess that was the lab corner.

He must have hit his head on the side of the big table, but the shield had protected him from the sharp edge. He’s pressing a hand to his wound and he’s conscious and fine. He’s fine.

You can’t stop a relieved laugh as you crouch down next to him. “Wanna get out of here or what?”

The reflection of the flames makes his eyes almost look green as he squints at you, groaning. “Geez, I hate you.”

“Come on, tough guy,” you say and he lets you pull him to his feet, almost toppling over at his unsteadiness. “Let’s get you home.”

You keep turning around as you make your way to the tunnels, keep looking back towards the staircase you came down, worrying about the reinforcements Sam told you about. Maybe that’s your mistake.

Because you haven’t made it this far before, you don’t think to check that the unconscious white jackets are all still unconscious.

You still have Bucky’s shield arm around your shoulder as he jerks, sensing the motion on his left before you do. He catches the first bullet with his metal arm as you twist out of your hold on him, grabbing your knife and whirling back around. He makes a side step, taking a big swing—

Only you told him not to throw the shield.

You fling your knife as fast as you can, but his single moment of hesitation was long enough for the trigger to be pulled a second time. You turn just in time to see the realization on Bucky’s face, the shock and panic in his eyes as they meet yours.

And then you wake up with a start to the sun in your face and–

“Okay, alright, turn it off, FRIDAY!”

By the time you wipe your mouth and flush the toilet with shaky knees, hair and face still caked with blood, you’re finally starting to understand how well and truly screwed you are.

***

You lean against the fridge, staring at Sam while he’s typing away at the kitchen island. He likes working standing up for some reason, particularly when he has to write some sort of statement.

“If I have to give the speech standing up, I’ve gotta write it standing up,” he’s explained it to you once. You can’t pretend to get it, but you suppose it’s also a perk to be within an arm’s length of snacks at all times while you’re getting stuff done.

“What do you want?” Sam says evenly. His gaze remains fixed on his laptop, his fingers never stopping to move.

You bite your lip. It’s a bad, very bad, terrible idea. You shouldn’t be bothering him with your fuck-up. You don’t even know how to go about it without having him laugh in your face.

“What if I told you that I’m stuck in a time loop?”

The question comes out weirdly flat, as if you’re joking. Fuck, what’s happening to you? You’ve always been fine with being the person who knows more than anyone else in the room. This situation though …

It’s different. It unrattles you in a way your powers never have, because even though it’s your own doing, it also seems so out of your control.

Sam raises an eyebrow, still not looking up. “I’d ask when you started drinking today and why you did it without me.”

Honestly, you should have expected something along these lines as long as you have no way of proving it to him.

“Well,” you say light-heartedly, as if you’re merely chitchatting. “What would you do if you were reliving the same day over and over again?”

“Enjoy my time off, probably,” Sam says, rubbing his eyes with the palms of his hands.

“I’m serious.”

“And I’m starving. Shouldn’t the food be here by now?”

You check your phone. “About half a minute.”

It gives you an idea for the future.

Lo and behold. You startle the poor delivery guy, opening the front door right before he can knock. “Hi,” you smile, handing him a generous tip. “We don’t know each other, right?”

“Uhm. What?”

“Do you have like, two minutes?”

“Did you have to haggle for them, first?” Sam calls over when you finally make it back to the kitchen, closing his laptop and helping you put down the boxes and containers on the counter.

“Had to convert to Pastafarianism,” you say, getting out the cutlery. “Ready for blasphemy?”

Sam chuckles.

By the time lunch is done and Sam has left for Madison Square Garden, another wave of exhaustion catches up with you. You pull your rings off and leave them on the table before you lie down on the second couch in the living room area, hoping that maybe this time, you’ll get a little bit of rest.

Only once again, it’s no use. Every time you close your eyes, you’re back in the lab, watching Bucky get shot. The background buzz of the TV isn’t loud enough to drown out the sound of your cursed memories.

Or the sound of the cat whining next to your ear.

“You’ve got to be kidding me.”

Alpine settles on your chest this time, leaving long white hairs all over your shirt and hitting you in the face with her tail. You grimace, trying not to inhale any of her fur.

“You’re in her spot.”

You don’t bother turning your aching head. “I thought her spot was over there!” you say accusingly, gesturing vaguely to the other side of the living room.

“Who told you that?” Bucky says, a bemused tone in his voice as he scoops Alpine up in his gloved hands, careful not to touch you. “Move over.”

You blink at him. You did.

You feel his expectant glare on you and sigh.

“Really, you too? We have plenty of room, you know.” You pull your knees in.

“I do,” he says, sitting down next to you and reaching underneath the cushions. “But you’re always hoggin’ the remote.”

You put your cold feet on his thigh in retaliation. Bucky tenses.

“How are you so cold, it’s like ninety degrees outside.”

“Emphasis on outside,” you shrug. “I just run cold.”

“That you do.” He switches channels, then pulls his gloves off and puts them on the table next to your rings.

You bite the inside of your cheek and roll to the floor inelegantly. Alpine meows in disdain, like a knife scratching the whole diameter of a dinner plate.

“Please tell your cat to chill, geez,” you mumble, slumping down on the other couch and stretching your legs out again with a contented sigh.

Bucky doesn’t reply.

“My dear girl,” a thickly accented voice on the TV says, “you cannot keep bumping your head against reality and saying it is not there. The evidence was definite. We can’t remove it by wishing or crying.”

“He trusted me,” a female voice answers. “I led him into a trap, I convicted him. Is that real enough for you?”

“There is no one to blame,” the first voice continues. “The case was a little deeper than you figured. This often happens. You must realize now one thing, it is over for both of you.”

“What are you watching?” you ask.

There’s a short pause before Bucky answers. “Hitchcock. Spellbound.”

You can’t help your reaction.

“Why’d you just do that?” Bucky says.

You stare at the ceiling. “Do what?”

“You flinched.”

“Did not.” You can taste blood in your mouth.

“Why won’t you look at me?”

You turn to the side and demonstratively stare at him, even though it makes your insides twist. Bucky’s face doesn’t change at all as he gazes back at you, frown deepening between his eyebrows. It’s like he’s trying to drown you with the endless blue of his eyes.

You drop your gaze and shake your head.

“What’s your point, Bucky? Not everyone likes staring at people like you do.”

“Why not?”

“Because it’s weird. And invasive.”

“It’s invasive to look at you?”

“Yes,” you say, “if you do it like that.”

“Like what?”

“I don’t know!” You sit back up again in exasperation. “What do you want from me, Bucky?”

You look at his face this time, not his eyes. It still makes your cheeks burn, because his jaw sets that way again and he doesn’t immediately respond.

“Something’s wrong,” he says, finally, and you hide your face between your hands in what you can only hope looks like frustration. Then you realize that that’s only making your missing rings more obvious.

“Nothing’s wrong,” you snap, balling your hands into fists.

“Tell me.”

“I don’t have anything to tell you!”

“You promised,” Bucky says coolly. “Remember?”

Your stomach plummets.

“Yes,” you say, forcing your voice to stay calm. “But I’ll take care of it. You don’t have to worry. I’ve got this.”

You feel his eyes on your back all the way to your room, and you’re not sure if you’re lying to him or to yourself, even as you slam the door behind you and look anywhere but your bed.

Your book is lying in the wrong place.

*****

“Honestly, Nat, you could’ve killed her.”

“Don’t be dramatic. She’s made of stronger stuff than that.”

There were yellow dots dancing across your vision when you opened your eyes, groaning at the bright neon lights hitting you in the face.

You were lying on the mat in the gym of the Compound and your nose had been ripped clean off; at least that was what it felt like. Judging by your red-soaked shirt, your guess wasn’t that far off, though.

“Hey,” Natasha said, kneeling down next to you. “Sorry, that must hurt like a bitch.”

“Your head is bery solid,” you replied, touching the blood still dribbling down your face. “Ow.”

“Thank you,” she said and handed you a wet towel. “Put that in your neck and lean your head back.”

“Di’ I faind?”

“You knocked yourself out, honey,” she said with a sly grin.

“It isn’t funny, Nat,” Steve shouted. You snorted, then winced in pain.

“Don’t worry,” Natasha winked. “You’re gonna be as pretty as before once you clean up. Already reset your nose while you were out.”

“Thangs.”

Surprisingly, this was the first serious injury you’d sustained in the past couple of weeks you’ve been living as a rookie Avenger; though in truth, that was mostly due to the fact that Natasha had only had you build up your stamina and agility up until today. Your first proper day in the ring was nothing short of humiliating.

“You could always go back to the moment before you decided to headbutt me,” Natasha said once the bleeding had finally stopped.

You wiped your nose carefully, taking a few breaths to clear your airways. “Sadly, that’s not how it works,” you said, letting her help you slowly come upright again. “I’m the one moving through time, so I stay exactly the same. I can help you guys avoid the punches, but I’ll still be the one receiving them.”

Cursed to stay the same, just like you’d always said.

Natasha tilted her head. “That seems like something you could work on with proper help.”

You grimaced. “I’ve tried that before. There’s no one who can help me, no one who can … fix me, or my powers.”

There was worry in her eyes, then, and you were taken aback by how genuine it seemed. It left a crack in your shell.

“I don’t think that’s true,” she said quietly.

But it was. “I mean it,” you said, your lip twitching. “You can’t tell them that I’m here. For all they know, I got dusted just like everyone else.”

She knew; it had been the one condition you’d set in exchange for your help. That didn’t mean she had to like it.

There was a prolonged pause until Natasha nodded. “All the more reason to get you proper training,” she said, getting back to her feet and helping you up. “Let’s get you some ice cream. Good for the healing.”

You smiled when both she and Steve kept worrying about you the entire way to the kitchen, even though both of them tried hard not to make it obvious. It still filled you with a strange sense of warmth that almost had you forget about the pain.

You were safe here.

Things were finally starting to look up.

chapter three

thank you for reading!! you can follow my library blog @intrepidacious-fics for update notifications 💚

[devixncy]

Fluffy Choi Su-Bong x Fem!Reader please where she goes to one of his shows to cheer him on. He doesn’t think she’ll be there, since she told him she’d be stuck at work. But little did he know, she was planning a surprise this whole time. Imagine his shock (and pure joy) he feels when he sees her front row and center, singing along to every word. The girls around you are lowkey jealous at the attention he’s showing you, winking at you from his spot on stage, but you couldn’t care, too enamored by your man doing his thing and crushing it ☺️

a/n: sorry this took me so long!! this request was so cute and i rly liked writing it :')

✧ pairing: choi su-bong (thanos) x reader

✧ word count: 1.9k

✧ content: fem!reader, no games AU, ooc thanos for sure but idc, no warnings, just fluff :)

“I know, Su-bong, and I’m really sorry. I feel terrible. I promise I’ll make it to the next one, okay?”

Your phone was pressed against your ear as you spoke to your boyfriend, apologizing for not being able to make it to his show. However, you were thrilled that he couldn’t see you smiling. 

“I know you will, flower. I just really wish you could’ve made it to this one.” The disappointment in his voice was clear as day, and it did break your heart a little. You were his biggest supporter, always cheering on his career. Unfortunately, you had never been to one of his shows. You were working during them most of the time, your career demanding late nights and missed opportunities. 

You were the one that helped him get back on his feet. When you met him, he was a mess–always in a drug-induced haze, never quite living up to his full potential. You had an unwavering determination to help him. So, you did. He got clean. With a clear conscience, he was able to coherently write music and his songs became better than ever. He built himself back up, booking shows and eventually selling them out. And he gave all the credit to you. There was nothing he wanted more than to see you at one of his shows so that you could see the progress he made in person.

Little did he know, you were not stuck at work tonight. That’s what he obviously assumed, and was ready to play another show without his number one fan there. You, on the other hand, were planning on surprising him. You wanted your first attendance to be a complete surprise, knowing it would catch him off guard. 

“I will be at the next one, I swear to you. But I have to get back to work, and you need to go rehearse, Su-bong. I love you, I’ll talk to you later.” Your heart fluttered as he said ‘I love you’ back, never getting tired of hearing those words. Hanging up, you put your phone down, hopping up out of bed. Now was time to start getting ready for his show, and you wanted to look your best. 

Your hands smoothed down the fabric of your skirt, admiring the way it hugged your body. You chose an outfit that wasn’t too crazy–a mini skirt and a cute top that you would be comfortable in, knowing fully well that it would be hot in the crowd of people. Finishing the final touches on your hair and makeup, you grabbed your bag, ready to make your way to the venue. 

Once you arrived, you met up with Nam-gyu outside. You knew he was close with Su-bong, and told him what your plan was before you got there. He got you inside, leading you to the front of the stage behind the barricade so that you were front and center. The venue was filling up quickly, many fans trying to push their way up to be at the front next to you. You stood with your hands curled around the metal bars of the barricade, anxiously awaiting the start of the concert.

Su-bong stood backstage, putting his earpiece in and adjusting the microphone in his grip. He sighed as he adjusted his jacket–the red leather racer jacket that you loved so much, paired with the beige cowboy hat that you’d told him was incredibly attractive. He felt a pang of disappointment in his chest at the thought of you not being there yet again. But he couldn’t dwell on it too long. He’d perform like he always did, lose himself in the music, and push through the thought of your absence.

Soon after, once all of the fans were settled in–the lights went dark. Immediately, screams of excitement filled the room. You grinned, your pulse quickening. Smoke began to seep across the stage, lights flashing down as a beat began to play through the speakers. The venue buzzed with excitement, even more so as it went dark again. 

After moments of anticipation, a single spotlight flickered onto the stage. Su-bong stood in the middle of the stage, head tilted downwards with his hands clasped in front of him. One hand gripped the mic, fingers flexing around it. The screams from the crowd came back full force at the sight of him, and from your spot in front, you could see the ghost of a smirk form on his face. The beat began to play again and he moved, lifting the mic up to his lips. The flashing lights came back full force. His voice rang across the room as he lifted his head up, quickly beginning to move across the stage as he immersed himself in the song. You could almost feel your knees go weak at the sound of his voice (and the outfit he was wearing)--you absolutely loved hearing him sing and rap. 

The crowd sang along to every word, yourself included. You watched as he danced around the stage, doing choreographed movements to some parts of the song. 

Su-bong finally decided to look at the crowd, knowing they liked it when he interacted with them. His eyes swept over them as he sang, before his eyes settled on the people in the front row since they were easier to see. 

And then he did a double take, because surely his eyes were deceiving him. But no–that was undeniably you, front and center in the crowd.

You stood there smiling wide, eyes bright, singing along to every word. 

His breath hitched and his mind went blank, causing him to miss a few seconds of the song. The pounding bass vibrated through the floor beneath him, and his grip on the mic tightened before he forced himself to keep singing. 

He caught the knowing little smirk on your face as you lifted your hand in a small wave, like you hadn’t just completely taken him by surprise and knocked the air out of his lungs.

A slow grin tugged at his lips. Oh, you were in trouble.

Shaking his head in disbelief, he forced himself back into the moment, stepping forward as the song ended and the crowd roared. The next performance took over, the familiar rush of adrenaline coursing through his veins, but his gaze kept finding you. He watched as you continued to sing along to every word, your hips swaying to the beat. 

At one point, he pointed directly at you, making a heart with his hands and shooting you a wink. Your cheeks burned, heart threatening to burst in your chest but you wasted no time in doing the gesture right back to him. 

The girls around you began to notice the attention he was giving you. He saw the way they whispered, eyes flicking between him and yourself, some of them subtly angling closer as if to steal a bit of his focus.

Too bad for them—his attention was locked onto you.

Eventually, as much as you were disappointed, he was about to begin his last song for the night. He had taken a break to talk to the crowd, and then before the song began, he looked straight at you. 

“This last song is a little different. I wanted to try something new, so you guys will be hearing it for the first time right now. It’s dedicated to a certain someone in my life, and I hope they like it as much as I do.” He said into the mic, taking a sip of water before setting it down and nervously readjusting the mic.

Your lips parted in shock at his words, and he shot you another wink as he noticed. You thought you had heard every song he’d written, especially because when he wrote, he liked to get your opinion. 

As he began to sing, you fully came to realize that he wrote this song about you. It was heartfelt, and one of the most beautiful things you’d ever heard. The crowd listened attentively to the lyrics, excited to be getting a surprise song. You, however, were emotional. Tears spilled over your eyes, more than likely effectively ruining your makeup. His eyes stayed locked onto you the entire performance, as if the two of you were the only ones in the room. 

Towards the end of the song, he walked towards the edge of the stage. He carefully hopped down, advancing his way towards the barricade. The other girls around you screamed, hoping to capture his attention. But he walked right to you, stopping in front of you. He removed his hat that you liked so much from his head, putting his purple hair on full display. He put it directly onto your head, making sure it was secure. Grabbing your chin gently with his free hand, he lifted your face so you were looking up at him. He continued to hold the position until he ended the song, which was only moments later. What caught you by surprise, however, was the fact that he immediately dipped his head down to capture your lips in a kiss. The audience roared around you, the cheers and clapping the loudest you’d heard all night. You closed your eyes, wishing it would never end. 

Unfortunately, he pulled back seconds later, his hand dropping from your chin. You couldn’t wipe the smile off of your face as he got back on stage. He thanked his fans, waving energetically to the crowd before disappearing off of the platform. 

The energy of the show still buzzed in Su-bongs’ veins as he made his way offstage, sweat slicking his skin, adrenaline still pumping. The moment the set ended, he knew he wasn’t stopping for the usual post-show routine or backstage interviews. All he did was take his earpiece out and throw his mic down.

He needed to get to you, first. 

Pushing past security and ignoring the lingering crowd of fans hoping for a chance to catch his attention, he zeroed in on the one person that mattered. You were still waiting near the barricades, but had moved away from the center and towards the side. You grinned as you watched him approach, looking smug. "Took you long enough," you teased, tilting your head up at him. 

Su-bong didn’t answer. Instead, he reached for you, tugging you over the barrier and straight into his arms. A surprised laugh escaped you, but you barely had time to react before he crushed you against him.

"You really got me good, huh señorita?" he murmured against your ear, voice rough from the performance, but you could hear the warmth in his tone.

You pulled back slightly, just enough to meet his gaze. "Worth it?"

He huffed out a laugh, resting his forehead against yours, causing the hat to tilt back and almost fall off of your head. "More than worth it."

For a moment, it was just the two of you. The noise of the venue, the flashes of cameras, the murmurs of the crowd—all of it faded into the background.

Then, with a small smirk, he added, "But you are in trouble."

You raised an eyebrow. "Oh yeah? For what?"

His fingers curled around your waist, pulling you closer. "For making me think you weren’t gonna be here. For making my whole damn night better without warning me first." He tilted his head, voice lower now. "And for looking so damn good while doing it."

Heat rose to your cheeks, but you just rolled your eyes. "You’re ridiculous." 

"Yeah?" He grinned. "And yet, here you are. You know you love it.” 

You let out a laugh, shaking your head. “You know I do.”

He kissed you then, again—right there, in front of everyone—not caring about the cameras, the whispers, the jealous stares.

Because at the end of the night, you were the only one who mattered.

[jingyichickenwings]

This is less of a Deep Cut and more of a case of schadenfreude, but I love when various members of a creative team are messy in public about their high budget group project. Reality TV for nerds. It speaks to a profound lack of media training or fucks given. You guys realize that future employers can Google you, right? Unintentionally hilarious.

Linke and Yee were told in no uncertain terms that their season 1 storyboard was shit, so they hired Overton, who hired half a dozen actual writers, and they did basically a full overhaul. The script was objectively much better. But this was Linke's baby, and several years later you still see signs that he is Big Mad that he didn't get his way, and that he doesn't know or care about what actually became season 1 canon. I'm sorry that your Jewish stereotype villain didn't get to be a pedophile, I guess? Idk. Yes, yes, I am sure your version of Svengali is really innovative. Maybe someday, buddy.

Meanwhile they start writing season 2 in early 2020, while the season 1 air date isn't until November of 2021. So, they don't have public feedback on the script yet, just, yanno, actual writing professionals. Anyway, according to Overton, they needed to fire the non-management part of the writing team because of the pandemic?! Lmao babygirl you do your best and I respect commitment to the official PR excuse but nobody sensible believes this. Netflix writers average 110k/year, and you needed six or so from season 1. That is not a big part of the overall budget. Also, y'all could have saved money with Zoom meetings.

So the very thing that saved the season 1 script got line-itemed "because of the pandemic". That sounds like an extremely convenient excuse for Linke to be like, no, fuck you all, we are going back to Plan A, the rough draft of season 2 based on his shitty version of season 1. Honey. That ship has sailed. You already lost this argument.

So presumably some combination of Linke/Yee/Riot/Netflix was like, it's important that we have at least one actual grown adult writer on staff. So Overton gets to keep her job.

Now, I want to preface this by saying that season 2 would have been even worse without Overton. That being said, there is a reason they needed a deeper bench of writing staff. Overton and Linke over-connect with the characters Caitlyn and Jayce respectively, to a degree that they frequently forgot to evaluate how other characters would likely behave in certain situations. It led to contrivances, plot holes, etc. There is a lot I could add here but tbh go read any of the meta already out there.

In addition to the Mary Sue type behavior, Overton thought it would be Neat to make the writing more like Avengers, like multiverse time travel fuckery is a shiny beach pebble and not narrative napalm. What in the ADHD was she thinking? Even if they had the run time to world build enough for this, there was nothing in season 1 to even suggest this as an option. And let's be fucking honest, multiverse a lot of why Marvel is on a downward spiral. If Viktor can go to Build-A-Bear Workshop and 3-D print a million Jayces, why should I give a shit about his kill count? He can just be kind, rewind, and try again. Actions are decoupled from consequences.

Anyway, moving back to the topic at hand of the Arcane team. Apparently, Overton, Linke and Yee only half-wrote season 2?! Linke said something about how they "extensively collaborated with Fortiche on the story"? Which, it's not inherently a bad idea to get creative feedback from your art team, but ummm, maybe the writers and Fortiche should have worked to a point of agreement on basic story beats. Based on a lot of what Fortiche has said, the art for season 2 passive aggressively advances what they wanted the writing to be against Linke's wishes. They literally have just been straight up disagreeing with Linke and getting paid for it. Which, to be fair, I respect the sheer pettiness! Linke can't write his own damn show but wants to slow down the very expensive art team? When the actual writers that got fired "because of the pandemic" would have caught a lot of the season 2 issues?

So post airing of season 2, Overton is all about that girlboss copaganda, Linke is having multiple public meltdowns and getting fired by Riot(?), and multiple voice actors and artists at Fortiche are being like "yeah, we actually wanted something else so there are now multiple competing narratives for season 2". Which is hilarious. The way in which the show is messy is the same way in which the creators are messy. These bitches are a cautionary tale about hubris and the need to engage in team-building.

[girl4music]

Dawn’s introduction into the show is the reason why I absolutely fell in love with it. Not necessarily because I love her character but because I love how much more in depth and impactful the TV show became because of her character. Season 5 is, for me, the greatest seasonal storytelling in TV art/entertainment history. I mean it’s up there with Season 3 of ‘Xena: Warrior Princess’ and that’s a huge fucking compliment coming from me.

I was far more interested when she came into the narrative because it felt like she was always the crucial component of it that was missing from it to begin with in the sense that nothing was really that significant for me with the thematic narrative until she entered into it.

Yeah, there were interesting stories in selective episodes before then but nothing really stood out to and stuck with me for a whole season of serialized storytelling where I was following from one to the next and where I was riveted to my seat in anticipating what was going to happen next. Not until Season 5 started.

So maybe she’s not the greatest or most loveable character on the TV show. But she is the reason why ‘BtVS’ works so well and why Season 5 is so stellar.

There will be characters like Dawn that are important because it makes you realize how much you really like watching what you’re watching and engaging with.

Appreciate them even if you don’t think much of them - what even would that TV show be like without them?

Dawn Summers is what I like to call a “narrative boosting character”. Not there for plot reasons.

Rather the plot exists because she does. And “existence” and “nature” and “identity” literally become the themes of it through their character.

I talk often about how they get both storytelling and representation so wrong these days because they constantly try to wrap the character around the narrative when the other way around is what you want.

You want that narrative to wrap around the character.

Why? Because when it’s done that way, all the relevant characters are effectively represented and developed.

That’s how you do proper character-driven storytelling.

If you focus too much on the plot and make that everything. Well… you get Season 7. Not Season 5.

Where practically no one gets a proper development.

I mean it’s still good storytelling for what it is because they’re good writers but… it’s always better to wrap the plot, the narrative, the story, the theme… around them because that way you know where you’re going and you know where you want to get to because… they’re there.

You can do something with them because that’s the point. You have no idea how many get this very wrong. It’s why TV art/entertainment is such a slog to get through these days. No one wants to go back and watch those episodes because once is already enough of a painstaking endeavour. It’s not fun. It’s just lazy and unless you’re a good writer it’s going to be a real mess. It’s not going to be tightly knit clever production and execution. It’s just going to come out like an AI did it. Which these days unfortunately is probably the truth.

But Season 5 Buffy stands out in a class above the rest and the reason why is because it’s all wrapped around a character that’s not necessarily the best character…

But the storytelling is the best it can be because of it.

Dawn Summers is a classic case of a character written into the narrative to give that narrative any real value. Sure, you could do it without them but what would it be otherwise? It wouldn’t be THAT story nor that inspiring.

Imagine if Season 5 was only ever about Buffy and the Scoobies as they were before Dawn was introduced.

Well… they can’t of course. But we can. What’s it like?

You see my point. THOSE characters are important.

People love to rag on Dawn so much. “She’s annoying”, “She’s problematic”, “She’s frustrating”. Blah blah blah.

I don’t disagree. I do believe she’s all of that too.

BUT… that’s the reason why the storytelling works well.

Your emotional investment be it negative or positive is the clear indication that that storytelling is working.

The last thing you want to be is indifferent. Trust me.

People go back and rewatch Buffy over and over again. Specifically Season 5. Even if they say they hated it.

Why? Because there’s value in divisive complex stories.

michelle trachtenberg talking about dawn summer's season five journey

[radsoldier]

you're a bad idea - Part 2

Pairing: Cairo Sweet x Dom!Fem!Reader

Summary: Y/N tries to avoid Cairo while the latter finds herself falling deeper.

Words: 1.1k

Warnings: cursing

a/n: hi guys, sorry for the eternal delay but a lot of shit happened and i'm not sure how i made it out alive but hey! i'm back! anyway, hope you enjoy :)

(poem's "did you think i was a city" by rupi kaur)

part 1

You were never one for gossip. You were simply not interested. Being the center of rumors for as long as you could remember was no fun at all so when all the stories about Cairo hit your ears you were annoyed. You didn’t really care if it was true or not, it was none of your business. But you knew she was bad news and that’s why you chose to let things cool off and tried your best to ignore her. 

You moved here to avoid drama, to start fresh or however your old therapist would like to call it. You knew you were just running away from it all. 

_______________________________________________________________________________ 

A week later, soft rain was pouring as you got off your bike, some students scrambling to get to class before getting soaked. 

You opted for lighting up a cigarette under the small roof right at the entrance. You were already late, might as well enjoy the little time you had outside of the college halls.  

Wishing you had stopped for some coffee, you started walking towards the library, not feeling like enduring another creative writing lecture. It felt like the perfect excuse to keep avoiding Cairo. And you also had to rehearse your piece for the poetry reading later today. 

“Fuck me” you thought. 

________________________________________________________________________________ 

Cairo was annoyed. No, she was outraged. You were ignoring her yet she couldn’t keep her thoughts from drifting to you. It was torture, you were pestering her mind like she had no control over it. She hated it. She hated how you seemed unfazed every time you caught her staring while she had to hold her breath as if even the smallest movement would make you disappear. She had replayed your interaction over and over in her head getting little to no answer as to why you could go from hot to cold just like that. It made no sense to her. 

That’s why when your professor asked for someone to deliver some notes on your most recent work, she volunteered to be the one doing it. 

He told her where to find you, given that he knew about your poetry reading and she began to gather all her things and started walking toward the auditorium. 

She hesitated at the slightly open door, the dim light making her unsure but the sound of your voice coming from the inside was enough to shake her doubts and stride into the room. 

“Did you think I was a city 

big enough for a weekend getaway.” you paused. 

“I am the town surrounding it 

the one you’ve never heard of 

but always pass through.” 

“There are no neon lights here 

no skyscrapers or statues 

but there is thunder 

for I make bridges tremble. 

I am not street meat, I am homemade jam 

thick enough to cut the sweetest 

thing your lips will touch.” you glanced around the room, letting the words sink in. 

“I am not police sirens 

I am the crackle of a fireplace. 

I’d burn you and you still 

couldn't take your eyes off me 

cause I’d look so beautiful doing it 

you'd blush.” Cairo was taken aback by the emotion in your voice. 

“I am not a hotel room I am home 

I am not the whiskey you want 

I am the water you need. 

Don’t come here with expectations 

and try to make a vacation out of me.” 

you finished as the few people in the room stood up, clapping. 

“You never cease to amaze me, Y/N” a young professor started. “Can’t wait to read your small piece for your assignment” he smiled like you were the only one in the room. 

Cairo watched as you exchanged pleasantries with a few peers, looking relieved when someone else took the spotlight. And then you saw her. Doe-eyed and slightly parted lips, she looked like she’d been caught doing something she shouldn’t. 

“What are you doing here, Sweet?” you spat.  

She tried to hide her disappointment at your cold demeanor but you could see the small changes in her face even if it was just for a split second. 

“Professor Brooks wanted me to give this to you” she said, gesturing towards the folder she held out. “You know, since tomorrow is the deadline and he left some corrections and notes for you” 

“Fuck” you sighed. 

Only then did she look at you, a teasing glint in her eyes, the ghost of a smile over her full lips. You took the folder from her, your hands barely touching. The moment felt charged, none of you ready to break the eye contact. It was almost like both of you were fighting to see which one would cave in first. 

You cleared your throat. 

“Thank you” 

She nodded, not saying a word before leaving the room as you stood there, still reeling from the tingling sensation you felt when your hands touched. 

‘Did she feel it too?’ you thought. 

________________________________________________________________________________ 

Cairo laid awake well past midnight. Her laptop long forgotten on the side of her bed, a cigarette on her lips. Her thoughts kept drifting towards a certain someone. 

You were right: you had burned her, yet she couldn’t take her eyes off you. 

Your eyes haunted her, that piercing stare that made her feel like she couldn’t hide from you even as you were a complete mystery to her. It was unnerving. 

She remembered how your hands moved during your reading. The same hands that held her waist and throat just a week ago. The very same hands she couldn’t stop dreaming about, doing unholy things to her. 

She kept thinking about your low, rough voice and how good it would sound moaning her name. 

God, she needed to get laid. 

It had been a while since she felt this kind of obsession over someone. Last time didn’t end well. It kind of scared her, in retrospective, the lengths she was willing to go in the past. But this time it was different, she could feel it. Or maybe it was just a stupid white lie she told herself so she could avoid the guilt that was slowly eating her up. 

That night Cairo dreamt about you. 

[7975348473]

When the Asshole is sick.

————————————— A Lyrason ff.

Lyra was trying her best to get her mind off of her current circumstances. What were her current circumstances, you ask? Well, she started dating an, admittedly, mighty fine Hawthorne a few months ago.

But the problem about dating a Hawthorne is that they never, and I repeat, never give in.

And Lyra just happened to land herself not only the most stubborn Hawthorne, but also the most self less one.

When Lyra had awoken to find a still sleeping Grayson beside her this morning, she immediately knew something was wrong. Grayson was always the early bird. Lyra reached over to touch his forehead and found it burning up, Grayson stirred under her touch.

“Gray? Are you feeling all right?” Lyra asked gently, not sure if he was awake yet or not.

Grayson didn’t reply but simply put his hand around Lyra’s waist and pulled her closer. And you best believe he was burning up.

“Grayson. You’re burning up.” Said Lyra sternly. She knew well when Grayson Davenport Hawthorne tried to avoid a subject of discussion. Especially when it involved himself.

Grayson gave an uncommitted ‘mm’ in reply before nuzzling himself closer to her. It took everything in Lyra not to just give in and cuddle closer to him because she knew he was not going to acknowledge his sickness anytime soon.

And she was right indeed. When he finally let her go and got out of bed he followed his usual routine. He got up, kissed her cheek, her neck and took off for the washroom to get ready for the day, all the while Lyra kept telling him to stop and listen to her.

Haaa fucking Hawthornes and their stubborn asses.

Grayson exited the shower in a record timing of 25 minutes and 33 seconds, which was a lot longer than it usually took him to get ready.

“Grayson. Listen to me.” Said Lyra sternly, flashing him the glare she had learned from him.

“I have listened Lyra, about 20 times now since I woke up, I’m fine. You don’t have to worry.” Said Grayson, looking at his phone and checking his schedule for the day.

Fine my ass.

“You are not fine Grayson. You woke up late, took far too long to get out of bed, took an extra 10 minutes in the shower even though you prioritise being early to work and you’re burning up. Nothing about that screams fine.” Stated Lyra, matter-of-factly, coming closer in order to get his attention.

Grayson let out a sigh and glanced up at her, “Lyra. I am fine,” he said putting emphasis on each word, “It’s a slight spike in temperature, it happens. I’ll be alright.”

And so the tug of war commenced, neither side giving up until finally, Grayson walked out of the room.

That would lead to Lyra’s current state of dilemma.

What in the world do you do when your boyfriend is sick and you’re mad at him??

Maybe I should apologise?… for what? Caring for him? As if.

But he’s not going to apologise either— stubborn bastard. So what, I watch while he suffers cuz he’s a dumbass and an asshole?

Precisely.

……..I’m such a terrible girlfriend—

NO. Not going down that road right now.

Lyra’s internal battle continued when, finally, she had had just about enough. She got up and ran through the house for a good 30 minutes until she finally found the kitchen.

Okay. Now. To make a stew for a sick asshole.

Lyra whipped out her phone and called Libby.

“Hello?”

“Libby. Hi. I need your help.”

“Oh? One sec— lemme just— yeah, okay, what’s up?”

“So you remember that one time you told me how Nash got really sick so you made him some st—”

“GNRIJGHORUEHEGROUHOUGBTE SHSHSHSHHSHS.” Libby made a few incomprehensible noises and she seemed to be running?

“GIRL— TELL ME BEFORE YOU DROP A BOMB LIKE THAT.” Came Libby’s long awaited reply.

“…oh— Was Nash there?”

“YES, HE WAS.” Said Libby, out of breath from her sudden expenditure across wherever she was.

Lyra started laughing and Libby joined in soon after.

“So? What did you need? You realise we’re in the same house right?” Asked Libby in between giggles.

“This house is too big for everyone’s good, it was hard enough to find the kitchen, finding you in the process would have resulted in me being lost.” Stated Lyra with a huff. Libby signed in agreement.

“Right, so stew?” Asked Libby.

“Yes. So. You know how Nash was very sick that one time so you spoon fed him that one stew that apparently works like a charm?” Asked Lyra.

“Mhm.”

“Well, I’m in need of the recipe.”

“Oh? Is Grayson sick?”

“You bet he is.” Said Lyra and let out a sigh.

“God damn. He’s even more stubborn than Nash. How do you plan on getting the stew into his mouth?” Asked Libby, Lyra could practically hear her eye roll at the end.

“That.. just leave that to me.” Said Lyra, as an evil smirk spread across her face.

“I can hear your evil smirk.” Said Libby.

“Not evil, Libby.”

“It totally is.”

“Is not.”

“Is to.”

“Okay, ouch.”

Libby laughed at the other end of the line.

“Okay, I’ll come to you.”

“Nah, you could just run me through the recipe over the phone.” Suggested Lyra, hyped to start cooking.

“Uh huh. And I’m sure you know where all the ingredients are in the kitchen?” Said Libby.

…. Right.

“On second thought, pls come to the kitchen that’s right next to… the ballroom? I think?” Said Lyra.

“Second floor?”

“uhhhh yeah.”

“On my way.”

And so Libby walked Lyra through how to make the stew, not bothering to hide her amusement while watching Lyra work hard to make stew for the same boyfriend she was complaining about while making it.

“Lyra. You’re whipped.” Said Libby, after having thought it about 28 times in the past ten minutes she spent with Lyra.

“That’s rich coming from you.” Retorted Lyra, though her reddening cheeks have her away.

Libby laughed and gave her a playful wack across her arm.

And after a good 30 minutes the stew was ready. Now, onto the hard part of the plan. If reasoning and talking wasn’t going to work with Grayson, the art of forced-spoon-feeding might.

Lyra walked on over to Grayson’s ‘office at home’, where he did a lot of his work in recent times. She took a deep breath.

Okay, Lyra. Stay cool. No getting angry. Don’t say a word. Just walk in and act according to plan.

And Lyra, being the queen she is, did just that. She knocked on the door and didn’t bother waiting for a reply. She knew Grayson had no meetings today and was simply trying to ignore that he was sick by busying himself in documents.

Lyra walked in and Grayson looked up at her once before his eyes went back to his documents. Anybody else would have seen that as a cold reaction, but Lyra noticed the way his gaze lingered on her figure, the way his anger and guilt were both visible in his extremely tired eyes.

She payed all of those details no mind, as much as she wanted to. She walked on over to his desk ignoring him when he called out to her.

Lyra stopped right beside his desk and they made eye contact. She noticed the way his body was slightly slumped, the way his cheeks were slightly reddened, the way his eyes looked glassy. She paid those details no mind.

They stared at each other for a while before Grayson finally rose a single eye brow in question. The gesture said it all.

What is it, Lyra?

Lyra didn’t reply immediately. She placed the tray with the bowl of stew on his office desk, ignoring all the documents that were scattered on them. Grayson’s gaze followed her hands before locking-in on her eyes again.

“Turn over.” Commanded Lyra, finally.

Grayson did just that and turned his office chair to face her. He looked even worse in this angle. His red cheeks were on wide display and she noticed how his top two buttons were undone, his blazer abandoned somewhere on the sofa. (Yes this office has a bloody sofa. They’re rich.)

Lyra did not break eye contact a single time. Not while she turned back to him, not while she stepped closer, not while she sat right down on his lap to face him and not when his eyes went wide at the sudden action.

It took everything in Lyra not to break character then and there and just kiss him senseless.

“Lyra.” Came Grayson’s voice. A question that came out sounding a bit lustful.

Lyra didn’t deign that with an answer. She reached over to the soup bowl, took a spoon and brought it to his mouth.

Grayson’s gaze remained on her eyes only fleeing once or twice to her lips.

Lyra raised her own eyebrow and signalled with her mouth ‘ah’.

Grayson continued staring at her before finally opening his mouth. His eyes remained on hers as Lyra took the spoon to his mouth, and she did not appreciate how that action wanted to make her squirm. She picked up more soup and brought it to his mouth again.

“You made this?” He asked, before drinking the soup.

She replied with a ‘mm’. She was still mad.

They continued the process in silence for a while.

“It’s good.” He finally said.

WOW HAWTHORNE. THATS THE BEST YOU CAN COME UP WITH AFTER ALL OF THIS?? ‘ITS GOOD.’ ??? Asshole.

She sent him a glare before taking up another spoon and bringing it to his mouth.

“Lyra.” This time he was requesting for something. For her to listen.

Lyra sighed, “ What?” She moved her eyes to the soup bowl.

“I’m sorry.” Oh. Oh. So he was capable of apologising. Lyra looked back to him, taking in all the details she had refused to before. He looked terrible. He looked fucking glorious.

They, once again, stared at each other for a while, before Lyra broke eye contact to nudge him into drinking the soup. He did.

They continued in a comfortable silence while he finished the soup. Lyra was mad, but she wouldn’t trade this silence for the world. This moment. It screamed them in every way possible. Silence, but so much was spoken.

In the way she made the soup for him despite being mad. In the way he didn’t snap when seeing her, despite also being mad. In the way she spoon fed him in that position despite wanting to sock him in the stomach. In the way that he apologised and listened to every one of her commands, despite always being the one in control. It was them.

Finally the bowl was empty. Lyra moved to get off of his lap but his hand came to rest on the small of her back, preventing her from moving.

She gazed back down at him, willing her eyes to look angry even though she hated the state he was in.

“I’m sorry. Lyra.” He said again, his eyes boring into her own.

They continued the stare down, as many words passed between them without truly being spoken until finally, she broke the silence, with a smirk breaking free on her face.

“Prove it, Hawthorne.”

The look in Grayson’s eyes changed. He still looked sick, put off, guilty, but something stronger overcame those eyes. Want.

Her arms wrapped around his neck as his grip one her waist tightened, pulling her impossibly closer. He kissed her like his life depended on it and she savoured in it.

When they finally broke apart after a very….. productive make out session. Lyra smiled.

“You’re an asshole. You know that?” She said in between pants.

“Mm. Yes. But I’m your asshole.” He replied simply, as if the words took him no effort to think about at all. As if they were always meant to be said.

Lyra hated the effect those words had on her. She loved it.

“Are you flirting with me, Hawthorne? What has gotten into you?” She joked her hands stroking his hair as he angled his face in the crack between her neck and collarbone and rested it there.

“This is how I am when I’m sick.” He said.

Lyra laughed, “You admit it now?”

“Yes. And I’m sorry.”

“I know.”

He brought his face up and kissed her again before adding, “ I really am, sweetheart. I’m sorry.”

Lyra smiled and kissed him in reply.

Yes, he was a stubborn- selfless Hawthorne. Yes, he could be a complete asshole. Yet, he was still hers, as much as she was his.

My Hawthorne.

——————————————————

Ahahahahaha. I had this idea marinating in my head for a while and I couldn’t help but finally type it down. THIS IS MY FIRST SAD ATTEMPT AT ROMANCE SO CUT ME SOME SLACK PPL.

(Thoughts would be much appreciated.)

PS- @alwaysthefangirl I NEED HELPFUL CRITICISM. WAS THIS GOOD— 😭🙃✨

[cthulhus-curse]

HI I AM OBSSESSING AND DREAMING ABOUT WANDA WHO IS SO OBSSESS WITH YOUR TITTIES AND WOULD CRY IF YOU REMOVE HER TIDDIE PRIVILEGES AND WOULD NAME YOUR TIDDIES...SHE WOULD CHECK ON THEM SPECIFICALLY NOT YOU

W: Hi baby, how's Bae and Bee?

Y/n: Who? Are you cheating on me?

W: Can I see Bae and Bee? Please...🥺

Y/n: Don't play with me right now, Wanda. I am serious.

W: I just wanna see your boobies🥺

Not sure if you wanted a drabble for this but…here you go :>

“How’s Bae and Bee?”

The question comes as the two of you lay in bed late at night. With your busy lives, working day in, day out, there is not much time either of you has to exist beside the other. But at night, typically, you can lay back and enjoy tales of one another’s days before drifting to a peaceful slumber.

“Who?” You frown, setting down your book for long enough to turn to Wanda. The woman shrugs, inching forth with a look on her face that you know can only mean trouble. “Don’t tell me you’re cheating on me, Maximoff.”

But Wanda ignores you, turning your comment, originally in jest, into a seed of worry. “Please,” she whines, voice adorably small. A hand comes up to your shirt, tugging at it in desperation. “Can I see Bae and Bee?”

“Wanda,” you warn. Trying to pull her hand off is useless — her hold is far too strong, stubborn, to let go. The book is set down on the bedside table as you grip her hand. “I’m serious. Don’t play with me right now. Who the hell are they?”

A loud huff breaks out. Wanda pounces you in a way that mirrors that of a lioness seeking out her prey. Her hands grab each of your breasts, squeezing them softly — almost respectfully so. With her face dug between the valley of your tits, Wanda pouts.

“Just a little peek,” she says. Her nose brushes over the neck of your shirt — a small teddy which barely covers the nipples that soon harden against the fabric. “I just want to see them, please.”

“Oh?” You don’t understand, not immediately anyway. But when you to, seeing a glassy-eyed Wanda, bottom lip stuck between her teeth, only tugs at your heartstrings. “Oh!”

You pull up your chest enough to reveal your breasts, allowing the cool air of the room to buffet your painfully erect nipples. Yet, Wanda merely gawks, green eyes boring onto your half-nude body. As she awaits permission, much like the good girl she is, you smile.

“Go on,” you pretend to sound annoyed, a difficult feat when Wanda excitedly digs in. Her hands, once again, clasp themselves around your tits which are soon groped with much more vigor. “You’re really something else, baby.”

But Wanda doesn’t respond. Instead, her entire focus is on your breasts. Her lips plant loving kisses on the soft skin, alternating between the two as often as humanly possible. A tongue cannot help but draw a trail alongside your nipples, devouring them by sucking so, so deliciously hard.

“Missed you guys,” Wanda tells them, and you try your best to not roll your eyes at her adorable nature. “So, so fucking much.”

[cjsmalley]

Anne Summers:

“What?” Buffy said disbelievingly, sure she had misheard.

Giles polished his glasses harder, “Travers was quite clear; if you don’t take the child, the Council will have no choice but to dispose of her permanently.”

Buffy looked out into her backyard, watching Hope and Spike play a rousing game of chase; with Dawn in the college dorms and Willow and Tara moved into their own apartment, they had the room.

With Danny paying the bills, they had the finances as well.

But another kid? A legit Potential? A half-demon Potential? Hope was only six and just showing her mutant ability consistently, copying everyone around her when allowed.

“What’s this girl’s demon half?” she asked, crossing her arms as she watched her Mate and their daughter play.

“It’s—” Giles made a phlegmy sound before shaking his head, “translates as ‘The-Ones-Who-Feed-On-Emotions’. She’s like a vampire but instead of bloods she eats—”

“Feelings,” Buffy finished shortly, “what feelings, Giles? Happiness? Sadness? Is she part Dementor?”

“Any feelings,” Giles replied, “but, from our research, positive ones directed at her are best for her development. Positive emotions in general are better than negative ones. But she also requires formula and does soil herself.”

Buffy nodded curtly before whistling; Spike left Hope to play by herself and came jogging into the house, “What’s goin’ on?”

Giles explained the situation again.

Spike raised a scarred eyebrow, “Well, Buffy, ‘m game.”

“You really think we can handle another kid?”

“Honestly, Slayer? Didn’t think we could handle one; but we’ve done alright by her, what’s another one. Hope’s in school most of the day anyway.”

“But remember those first few months?” Buffy reminded gently, “if not for our friends we would’ve fallen apart. And Anya and Xander are trying for their own.”

Spike snorted, “Not like I could forget that; demon girl’s too honest sometimes. But we still have the witches and ol’ Rupert. And the whelp needs the practice still if they’re tryin’ fer a sprog. We did alright. An’ ‘sides, could you really live with yourself if they kill a kid an’ you coulda stopped it?”

Buffy sighed; he was right. There really was no choice to be made.

“We need time, to explain this to Hope, to have a Scoobie meeting, to get the gear we need, but we’ll take her,” Buffy told Giles, “tell Travers a week. And if she comes to us injured or anything like that, there’ll be Hell to pay, several of them.”

“Of course, Buffy,” Giles agreed.

Later that night, the Scoobies all gathered around a meal. Buffy stood up, gaining their attentions,

“So, Travers contacted Giles,” Buffy began, to groans, “I know, I know. But he had a…good reason.”

“Are they paying you yet,” Anya questioned.

“No, sadly.”

And then Buffy told them what was happening.

“I thought Mommy and Daddy couldn’t have babies,” Hope spoke up, ‘cause Daddy’s penis doesn’t work right.”

Buffy had decided to be very blunt with her daughter when she asked questions about the human body; blunt but age appropriate. So Hope knew most girls had vaginas and most boys had penises and together they made babies using a special dance with the penis inside the vagina. She also knew that Spike couldn’t help make babies like most boys even though he and Buffy could do the special dance.

“We’re adoptin’, Mite,” Spike replied to her question, “do you ‘member what that means?”

Hope nodded, “It’s when a Mommy and a Daddy make a baby but can’t take care of it so they give it a new Mommy and Daddy. Like me! My original Mommy and Daddy are dead so Uncle Danny brought me to you and Mommy!”

“Very good, Hope,” Giles praised, “now, this little one your parents are adopting is extra special. She’s half demon and could be like Buffy when she grows up.”

“A Slayer?” Hope cocked her head; she knew all about her Mommy and Daddy’s night job, that they fought monsters, “how can she be half-demon and like Mommy?”

“We do not know yet,” Giles answered, “but the Council, you met them when you were younger, they needed to give this girl a new, special Mummy and Daddy so they asked Buffy and Spike. Because of you, really.”

“Me?”

“Well, yes,” Giles said, “they have proven able and willing to handle your abilities so it is hoped that they can handle the girl’s more…unique qualities.”

“Yeah, her vampire powers,” Xander snorted, “doesn’t anyone else find it suspicious that they just happen to have a half-vampire kid for Buffy and Spike?”

“She’s not half-vampire, not really,” Willow shook her head, “she’s an emotion eater. Not a blood-drinker.”

“Still, G-man explained her as an emotional vamp,” Xander argued lightly, “the Powers-that-Be must love these two or something. But, yeah, Buffy, of course we’ll help.”

“So will we.” Tara added for her and Willow.

“I’m in,” Dawn nodded.

And so, plans were made, and necessities were bought and soon a Council flunky dressed as a Social Services Worker was handing over custody of the nearly newborn girl who didn’t have a name.

She was blonde and blue eyed and could easily pass as a Summers child, lack of green eyes notwithstanding.

Spike seemed pensive as he took in the baby without a name before looking up to Buffy, “Slayer, Buffy…could we…perhaps…name her after my mum?”

“Of course,” Buffy agreed before questioning, “what was her name, Spike?”

“Anne…her name was Anne.”

Buffy smiled softly at her Mate and said, “Anne Summers…Annie…yeah, that sounds perfect. Guys,” she turned to their friends, allowing Spike a moment to compose himself, and older daughter, in Willow’s arms, “meet Anne Summers.”

The positive energy that resulted kept Anne fed for days.

Wished Away 9

Tylers meet Phantoms:

“Christ, Mum,” Rose said as she took in how Jackie, Pete, and Tony were dressed, “we’re just meetin’—”

“Royalty!” Jackie squeaked. They were all done up like they were meeting the Queen at Buckingham Palace itself!

“Honestly, Mum, they don’t care,” Rose rolled her eyes, grabbing her mother’s wrist and tugging her through the console room and to the wardrobe room, “I told ya ta dress casually. Let’s just hope the Ol’ Girl has clothes fer ya.”

It took about an hour to get everyone redressed, in things much more casual but still nice, before Rose led them back to the console room.

Jackie was clearly anxious, “Are ya—”

“’m sure, Mum. Danny an’ Sam don’t do formal unless they have ta. Unless you’re an annoying subject or someone threatenin’ war, ya don’t even have ta call ‘em by their titles. They’re just Danny an’ Sam ta family.”

“Lookie what I found,” Jenny bounded from the innards of the TARDIS, holding a tiny bike helmet.

She went to her toddler uncle and put it on him, making sure it fit right, “Landings in the Realms are worse than normal ones. The TARDIS does Her best but the Realms give her…nausea? A headache? She just doesn’t do good.”

“Oh, goody,” Jackie said lowly, hugging a strut for dear life already.

“Let me protect Anthony,” Bad Wolf came out, holding out her arms; without hesitation, Pete handed his son over.

Bad Wolf settled Tony in her arms, against her chest and shoulder, and then spread her feet and crouched slightly, clearly bracing for impact; she stayed steady even as the TARDIS began Her flight.

Everyone else was thrown about the console room, the Doctor and Jenny barely holding on to work the console, but Bad Wolf and Tony did not move an inch.

The landing was rough, just as Jenny said it would be, throwing even the Time Lords to the grated floor before the TARDIS stopped quaking.

Jenny recovered first and stood up, rubbing her shoulder, to peek out the doors, “We’re in the Palace. Uncle Danny and Aunt Sam are waiting…”

Slowly, everyone picked themselves up and Rose reemerged, straightening with some popping from her knees.

Jenny led the procession out, racing to hug a man and a woman, “Uncle Danny, Aunt Sam! How’re you?”

Danny and Sam chuckled and hugged her as one, “Good, doing good. You?”

“Perfect!”

She let go of them to drag Jackie, who was hesitant, forward, “This’s my Gran, Jackie. Mum’s side, duh. Completely human. He’s my step-granddad, Pete, and Mum’s holding my uncle, Tony.”

“Yer Majesties,” Jackie tried to curtsy even though she was in trousers, “an honor ta—”

“Oh, enough,” Sam chuckled, “didn’t they tell you? We don’t do formalities with family.”

“Family?” Jackie’s eyes were wide, “I know Rose said—but—”

“We count Clockwork as family,” Danny explained, “and he’s claimed the Doctor as family. The Doctor and Jenny. Rose’s basically married in by this point. Common-law, you understand. That makes her family our family. Welcome to the Palace, your home in the Infinite Realms.”

“My god,” Pete muttered, somewhat disbelieving.

“Not a god, not yet anyways,” Danny winked.

“Where’s Dani?” Jenny burst out, “Is she still in school?”

Sam grinned, “With Anakin, in the nursery. We let her stay home today.”

“Oh, Gran! Can I introduce Tony to Anakin? Please!” Jenny nearly begged.

“Anakin’s our youngest,” Danny explained kindly, “around Tony’s age, actually. We also have a nanny looking after them, Nanny Clara. He’d be perfectly safe.”

“Well…” Jackie looked to her husband, who nodded, “if you’re sure.”

Jenny cheered and took Tony from Rose, dashing off with him deeper into the Palace.

“Jenny knows the Palace as well as anyone,” Sam assured, “and if she gets lost, she can flag down a servant for help. She’s heading directly for the nursery. It’s the most defensible part of the Palace.

Danny stood up, helping Sam, “C’mon, we can talk over food; stay close, Tylers. Doctor?”

“Rose and I can bring up the rear,” the Doctor agreed, taking Rose’s hand as they began walking.

The Palace was a gothic masterpiece, in a very literal sense, though even Sam had wearied of all the gloom and had sought artists and artwork to fill the halls, soft, plush carpets and tapestries to keep the warmth, glassworks to fill the once barred windows. Statues and busts dotted the hallways, some classical, some avant garde

Masters had given their masterpieces, their magnum opuses; they were paid handsomely of course, in either coin or material.

Oils, watercolors, acrylics, textiles, glass, all created for Her Majesty the Ghost Queen. For His Majesty the Ghost King.

It wasn’t yet a riot of color, nor would it ever be, but it was more alive.

Jackie gasped and the group stopped, turning as one to see what had captured her attention.

“When they said the family was huge…”

Ah, it was the most recent family portrait; all the children were gathered around Danny and Sam, all in formal wear.

“We…sometimes people sell the souls of children to me,” Danny started, causing her and Pete to whip around to him in horror, “I know, it’s horrible, isn’t it? But anyways, we adopt the kids. Only Dani—Danielle—isn’t adopted.”

He pointed out each child and gave their backstory.

“Good Lord, you were young!” Pete said at Damian’s story.

“Old enough to be king,” Danny shrugged helplessly, “it…it wasn’t easy, we had help, so much help, and we made mistakes…”

“All parents do,” Jackie told him softly.

“So we’ve been told,” Sam smiled just as softly, “and we’ve learned and made new ones with each kid.”

Danny coughed and continued to point out kids and tell stories, until all had been covered and then they moved on.

As they neared the dining room, Danielle and Jenny joined them with each holding a toddler.

“Oh my,” Jackie said, taking in the Anakin Skywalker; she knew who he grew up to be, or would have if he had not been adopted.

“We’re hungry, Dad,” Danielle said.

Danny waved them into the dining room where the smaller table was already set for a meal; there were two chairs with booster seats and Jenny and Danielle put Tony and Anakin in them before sitting beside them and helping them get food.

The group chatted over the meal, Jackie and Pete slowly relaxing at how easy going the Royals were, and generally had good cheer.

After the meal was done, Jenny asked, “Do we put their photo up on the family wall now? I know you’ve got me, Dad, and Mum…”

Danny chuckled, “We can, if they’re okay with it.”

“Family wall?” Pete questioned.

“We keep walls of pictures of the extended family,” Sam explained easily, “you know, like Rose, the Doctor, and Jenny. Harry’s and Neville’s parents. Damian’s paternal birth-family. The Royal Portrait is just the immediate royal family. The walls are for everyone and everything else.”

Danny and Sam led the group out of the dining room and down another hallway; the walls were plastered with photographs. Some were professional, most were candid and amateur.

A common camera sat on a small round table; a high-end camera but nothing too expensive or professional.

Danny picked it up, saying, “If Jackie, Pete, and Tony don’t mind—”

Jackie decided it would be a family photograph and dragged the Doctor in; Rose and Jenny came without complaint.

Danny took a set of pictures.

After that was done, it was decided it was time for the Tylers to leave, taking pity on the still disgruntled TARDIS.

They were, however, invited to the next family gathering.

[palmtreepalmtree]

It's three o'clock in the morning and I can't sleep. I lost my cousin, Sarah, yesterday morning. I know I have said this before, but I can't even begin to describe the giant hole she is leaving in the world. She was so funny and so loving and so beautiful. She leaves three wonderful children who are much too young to lose their mother, and a husband who adored her. She was 47 years old. It is so unbelievably unfair that she is gone, but here we are.

She was my childhood playmate, she and my sister and me forming a rambunctious trio of which she was undoubtedly the leader. She got us into trouble, and taught us the best games. We climbed trees together and played baseball in the backyard, and epic games of cards. She was the one who taught me how to ride a bike. We sang together and giggled together and swam endlessly together. She was effortlessly cool when we were growing up and into adulthood.

I wish you all could have known her. She had this charisma that just attracted people. People who met her loved her. She was fiercely loyal. Even though we were so different as kids and into adulthood, she never made me feel excluded or like her love was conditioned on me being as cool as her. She just loved me and accepted me for exactly who I was.

And she was so fucking funny. Her sense of humor could range from the cheesiest dad jokes to the most hilarious pranks. One time at a family friend's Hannukkah party -- a big party with nearly 100 people -- she surprised the hosts by ordering Christmas carolers to perform. And then every year after that she tried to one up herself -- there was a mariachi band and a drag queen performer and a Sinatra impersonator. The hosts never knew what to expect at their own party.

Even before her diagnosis, but especially after, she really leaned into life. She did not waste a single moment of her time. She created beautiful and hilarious memories with her kids, her family, and her friends. She worked hard too. She was traveling all of the time. But she really loved that. She liked feeling and being high-powered. She earned it.

She gave the fiercest hugs. The last few days that I've been spending with her friends, I feel like we're all trying to hold onto each other so hard, just like she did.

They're expecting over 300 people at her funeral. When we got to their house today, there was a team of her friends there working away at making the arrangements so we didn't have to do or think of anything. Which is exactly what she would do for anyone else. And then make sure there was food there.

I have no words for what comes next. Life will continue on in the way that it does. We're going to have to work extra hard to keep our family together now that the center of it has gone. May her memory be a blessing.

[d33pwithinmys0ul]

୨★✧.*party 4 u ✧★.*୧

Jean Kirstein x Reader, one shot

★ recreational drug use, angst, fluff, post break up, kissing, ex boyfriend, insecurity and anxiety

Ik the song is trending but when I tell you it's been a fave with me forever.. this WIP has sat with me for a while, and I changed my mind with a lot of it but hopefully u all still like it! (If I had a nickel for every Jean fic I wrote inspired by a charlixcx song, lol) Who said you can't make corny songfic in 2025??

┈➤here's the ao3 link or read under the cut :)

Jean thought you were the most beautiful he’d ever seen. 

Silver confetti fluttered around you, the echoes of the crowd and thudding bass was overwhelming. You felt weightless and free as you danced in the darkness. The strobe lights made you see spots, highlighting the smoke that spun into the air, and for the briefest moment, everything was fine.

You couldn’t believe you almost didn’t come. 

Hitch barely managed to persuade you to skip your 8 am tomorrow, just so you could all get fucked up tonight. 

You took an Uber so none of the group would have to drive from the pregame near campus to Jean Kirschtein’s obnoxiously large house in the country.

You and Jean had a complicated history—Hitch and Annie didn’t know, because you hated the drama of it all. 

All your freshman year at Paradis State, you were inseparable in puppy love, and so unprepared for the consequences of it. You weren’t the best at expressing your feelings and boundaries, and Jean was eager to please you. It should have worked better, and you tried not to linger on that fact. He was breathtakingly handsome and had lots of friends, so it shouldn’t have been a surprise that you eventually just stopped seeing each other. 

Well, you stopped seeing him. 

You practically ghosted Jean when you found out about his weird feelings about Mikasa. You couldn’t unsee his crush whenever he was around her, and it killed you. You weren’t even angry with her for it, since Mikasa was happily infatuated with Eren, though you wished you could tell her plainly that you harbored nothing against her for it. 

You were young and emotional, and let your hurt get the better of you. It didn’t make any sense, and you didn’t even give Jean a chance to explain himself, ever. 

The aftermath was awkward considering how many mutual friends you had, so you just avoided him entirely. You started going to clubs in the next town over instead of bars and parties around campus, and you were content with the new friends you made in Annie and Hitch, despite their connections looping back to the same place. 

You supposed for as long as you lived in Trost, everyone you knew would lead you back to Jean. He was a good guy. You kind of freaked out, and got too embarrassed and proud to go back to him and apologize. 

“C’mon man, are you gonna try to enjoy yourself?” Connie gave him a light punch on the shoulder. 

“I am,” Jean said, irritated, and glanced outside again. “Are you sure she’s coming?”

He had spent the first hour of the evening hovering by the windows. They were tall and wide, so he would have seen you perfectly from the other end of the room, but as soon as he heard that you were coming, he was a wreck. 

He insisted on picking out the decorations instead of letting Sasha take the lead, like she usually did. He couldn’t help himself from the excitement that blossomed in his chest at the idea of seeing you, really seeing you. 

As the others around him began pregaming, Jean really drank. 

He didn’t want to get his hopes up, but he couldn’t help it. His heart raced all evening, resounding all his longing, begging, willing you through that door. Come to my party. Come to my party.

Jean felt like he was always catching glimpses of you, and no matter how hard he tried to move on, the way you seemed to, there was always a remaining trace of bitterness. You were barely there, yet not close enough for him to properly ignore the way you made him feel.

It was years ago, and should mean nothing. It meant nothing. 

“Look man,” Connie put his hand on Jean’s shoulder, his breath fanning the scent of beer over to his friend. “Just relax! Either y’talk to her, or you don’t. I don’t think you should waste your night being emo about it. Make a decision. Do something instead of moping around.”

Jean shoved his hand away, a little harsher than he intended to. He couldn’t gauge his own strength—or temper–when he got drunk like this. 

“Yeah, I know.”

By the time you arrived at the sizable mansion, up a long winding driveway lined with trees, you were so high, you didn’t give Jean a second thought. 

You walked in with the girls, immediately enamored with the superfluous decorations, the colorful, ambient lighting, and the blasting music. Balloons hung from the ceiling and littered the floor, and it seemed like over a hundred people were crammed into every crevice of the house. 

“What the hell is this party for again?” You yelled to Hitch, despite her face only being a few inches from yours. Her eyes were hazy and distant, as she’d shared some molly with you earlier, the dose she took was far more. 

“Uhh, I think Jean said he just needed a pick me up for the new semester,” she shouted back and slipped her sunglasses over her eyes. “I think it’s pretty.”

“I’m getting jungle juice,” Annie said boredly. She’d taken more shots than any of you, and remained composed like it was nothing. “Come with?” 

Hitch nodded. 

“Y/n? You rolling?” 

“Not yet. I’ll catch up with you in a bit,” you shook your head and gave them an encouraging smile.

“Fine, but if I leave here alone, I’m killing you both,” she stuck her tongue out at you playfully, and gripped Annie’s arm as they went off. 

You smiled and decided to occupy yourself by weaving through the crowd, people watching. 

There were people taking shots, legs in tall boots and short skirts, groups smoking cigs and rolling up by the staircase. A throng of people surrounded the DJ on the raised platform by the living room. 

Your senses were pleasantly heightened, you felt warm and light. The mixture of drugs kept you at ease, though a part of you ached, and seemed to search for a certain familiar face.

You pushed away the thought and made your way across the floor. 

You saw Historia posing as her girlfriend took photos of her, the flash briefly blinding you as you stumbled past. You waved at Connie and Sasha, the former shotgunning a beer as his friend timed him. It was always nice seeing them. 

“Hey Y/n!”

You turned to find a buzzed, cheerful Marco, with a solo cup in hand, and he leaned in for a hug. 

“Hey!” You said, surprised, and squeezed him tight. 

You liked Marco a lot, and despite being Jean’s best friend, he was one of the kindest people to you throughout the past few years.

“I’m great, did you just get here?” He asked. 

“Yeah. Looks like you guys went all out,” you grinned and gestured at the crowded room. If it wasn’t silver or gold, it was sparkling or glowing. 

“It was all Jean’s idea,” Marco rubbed the back of his neck, stumbling over his words. “I dunno. He’s uh– excited. Probably on a second bottle by now.” 

“Oh,” your eyebrows betrayed your concern. “Um, is he alright?”

“It doesn’t seem fair to… sorry, I shouldn’t have said anything,” Marco was pink from the alcohol, and seemed to turn a little redder. “You should enjoy yourself!”

“Well, where is he?” Your eyebrows pinched together. 

The temptation was killing you. Was Marco trying to say that Jean wanted to talk to you? Why else would he suggest it?

“Um, outside, I think,” he gave you an apologetic smile. “Really, he’ll be okay. You should enjoy your night. He sent me away to enjoy mine.”

You swallowed and watched him disappear into the crowd. 

You were fucking out of it. Maybe any mistakes you made tonight could be reasonably excused. Besides, you were friends with Jean long before you fucked things up. 

You made your way through the sea of people and to the back door, an angelic synth swimming in your ears. 

You stepped outside, and shivered from the biting February breeze. 

The pool shone blue in the night, casting a glow that shimmered and shook with the water. It was quieter in the backyard, the thudding music and chatter was muffled and seemed worlds away. 

You braced yourself to see Jean around the corner, or on a chair, but you were completely alone. 

Your head was pounding from the powerful speakers. You took a deep, shuddering breath, allowing yourself to feel. Maybe you shouldn’t have gotten so fucked up, knowing that Jean would be here. You kind of walked into this. Yet, you think you might’ve felt the same sober. That was sadder. At least with this, you could blame it on the drugs. 

Fuck. You couldn’t let yourself spiral and lose it. You felt like shit ruining girl’s nights like this, even if Hitch and Annie were preoccupied elsewhere. 

You sank to your knees by the pool, and took off your heels. You dipped your feet in the water, grateful for the cold, tranquil distraction. You closed your eyes, and took deep breaths. With the muffled crowd and the occasional car passing in the street, the moment felt a little more real. 

Jean was always good at helping you calm down. When you managed to convey the times you were overwhelmed, he was a saint, rubbing your back and keeping you hydrated when you got too high or anxious. 

Tears leaked down your face before you could stop them. You didn’t want to ruin your makeup, after using so much glitter, but your cheeks were wet and your vision blurred. You hadn’t thought about this, or him, in years. 

Did you overreact? You let your jealousy get to the better of you. God, you sucked. Maybe you should have stayed home. Maybe it’s just been too long, or you were high, and lonely, but the idea of Jean holding you close now made your heart ache. 

You heard the back door slide open, spilling more heavenly electronic music into the air until it shut again. 

“Hey.” A familiar voice called your name, nearly cracking. 

“Hey,” you said, hastily wiping your face, staring straight ahead at the water. “Are you alright?”

“I think I should be asking you,” Jean slurred and sat down on the pavement. He had a bottle in his hand, and wore a button down with the sleeves rolled up, his hair tousled and sticking slightly to his forehead from sweat. His legs were crossed, and he leaned down while he spoke, his posture ruined in favor of staying at your eye level. “I di–um..” He cleared his throat. “I didn’t think you’d come.”

“Seemed like fun,” you laughed, despite the salty taste in your mouth. “It’s all beautiful, Jean. You always throw one hell of a party.”

His eyes were pained, and it sent a stabbing sensation to your chest. 

“Thanks.” He seemed very tempted to say more, but instead took a swig and passed you the bottle. 

“No I’m good, I’m rolling,” you pushed it back to him. 

“Oh,” he said, surprised. “Any.. particular occasion?”

You shrugged. 

“Hitch offered.” You tried not to read too much into his question. You rolled very rarely—partying was always magnified by a little molly every now and then. You likely flattered yourself too much as you wondered if he was thinking you came out tonight to fuck someone, with its reputation as a sex drug. 

“Sounds fun,” he said, jaw tight. “So… why are you out here?”

“Marco kind of sent me,” you laughed. “Obviously, I was too late. Thought you’d be somewhere else by now, and the pool’s nice.”

“Well, here I am,” he said bitterly. He swept a hand through his hair, pushing it away from his eyes and ruining the near-perfect coif. You liked it better that way, messy and long, you didn’t think the perfectly combed look really fit him. 

“How–how are you?” You said lightly. His lashes were so long, perfectly framing his sad eyes, brushing his cheek with every blink. 

“Second semester always sucks,” he shrugged and took another swig. “Thought something extravagant would lighten everyone’s spirits.”

“Yeah,” you exhaled and laughed nervously. You were chewing your lip as you kicked your leg gently against the water, watching the small droplets flick away from you.  “I think it was a great idea. And it’s stunning– inside, by the way. It’s gorgeous.”

There was a trace of a smile on his lips from your compliment. He couldn’t make himself say that it was really all for you. 

Your features were glowing from the light refracting off of the pool, your short dress rode up your thighs, and Jean couldn’t help but stare. He wondered if you sensed it too, the tension—not from the awful history, or the unsaid professions, but the near tangible desire.  

“I’m glad you made it,” he said softly. “It’s really nice to see you.”

“Of course,” you said quickly. You averted your eyes, your hands in your lap. 

The drugs were heightening all your emotions, and all your senses—the tinge of chlorine in the air, mixing with Jean’s familiar scent, the faint thudding of music from inside the house, the cool water against your skin. 

“Um,” your breath was shaky, your hands clenched into fists. “I’m sorry, by the way. A-about freshman year.” You nearly choked on the words as they bubbled out of you. “It’s—I was really dumb and jealous. You’re a great guy, Jean. You’re an amazing, sweet, romantic son of a bitch. You deserve the world.”

You tried not to stare, but it wasn’t like he was returning the favor. You were both shamelessly memorizing each other's features, a mingling of fear, apprehension, and desperation. You felt so wretched, to pretend like he was someone you never loved. 

“Do you wanna dance?” Jean said pathetically. It was all he could manage, despite everything he wanted to say. 

You blushed and tried not to smile too hard. That was more than enough for you. 

“Yeah, I’d like that.”

You ignored the tossing in your stomach as Jean held the door open, leaking sound and smoke into the air before sliding it shut. 

It was a small, guilty pleasure, feeling him guide you through the mass of people, dancing, thrashing bodies and balloons. 

You found a small opening, nearly thrown together from the crowd. 

You spent the night with your arms at Jean’s shoulders, and his hands at your waist. The strobe lights nearly blinded you, but you couldn’t look away from him. The adoration in his eyes, the curve of his lips. Maybe he was thinking the same thing, that you were both ridiculous, cowardly idiots. Maybe you were just delusional. 

You couldn’t stop yourself when you leaned into him, taking in his scent, yearning to feel his heartbeat, as if you were the only people in the room. It was like time stopped and everyone else faded away when he closed the space between you, his lips warm and rough and they met yours, finally reuniting after all the heartache. 

Jean tasted like home. His hands roamed your body, through your hair, and you clung to him, kissing him and forsaking your breath. It all felt so good, so right.

“Oh my god,” Jean groaned, thrilled by the taste of you, the way you felt against him and in his hands. He tried to be gentler, but he was too excited by your shallow breaths, your impossibly soft skin, your moans urging him to be more and more indecent. 

You nearly stumbled, getting shoulder checked from a nearby dancer, and your tall heels failing you. Jean’s grip at your waist was firm, and he led you to the corner and pinned you against the wall. He kissed you until you gasped for air.

“Uh, should we do something?” Sasha nudged Connie with her elbow as she spotted you both from a distance, making out passionately, for all to see. 

“Are you kidding?” Connie snorted. “They need that shit. I’ll find them an empty closet myself.”

[callmrmorrow]

let’s talk about… POOOOOWERPLEX

(spoilers for invincible s3ep6 below, discussion of guilt/grief and death, all invincible-standard topics)

this motherfucker is a point of contention for the whole invincible fandom. do we love him, do we hate him? is he righteous or is he a hypocrite? at what point does the victim become the perpetrator, and is said point when he charbroils his loving wife and child while trying to kill his mortal enemy? is it even all his fault, or is his wife an instigating jane clone from breaking bad who egged him on? and most importantly… how the fuck did the GDA not clock that their new lab worker had loved ones lost in the chicago disaster? give him a psych eval or two, cecil!

also, if he’s so powerplex, how come i can understand him?

okay, all jokes aside, i think powerplex, or scott duvall, if you’re a friend, is a fascinating character. at the beginning of the episode, his formal debut for the show, he’s hanging out with his sister and her niece, gretchen and jessica respectively (another breaking bad nod). we see that his powers are based on transforming impact into electricity, but only in really small bursts. this brings up a fun idea in the invincible world, of natural-born supers who aren’t strong enough to make it big. does the GDA have a file on these guys, or do they spawn in at unpredictable rates within the human gene pool?

it’s super clear that jesse — sorry, scott — loves his family, and it becomes even more clear when they fucking die right in front of him. his entire revenge arc is based on pure misinterpretation and a salt shake of idiocy, because he assumed that invincible holding the severed arm of his (adopted?) sister meant he had torn it from her shoulder socket. easy to misconstrue in the haze of destruction, but really, you can’t tell me that working at the GDA for 1-2 years wouldn’t make you privy to how the fight really went down. short of invincible’s secret identity, of course. fallacy in the writing, and it really would’ve been better if his wife, becky, worked at the GDA instead and got the supplies for him.

also, his wife was 100% egging him on. couldn’t tell you why, maybe she has a power (com)plex herself. she seemed to have her fair share of hate for invincible and the hero system in general. one of the themes of the episode is indeed power, and how it translates into whether or not you deserve to live. the viltrumites are founded on this ideology, mark’s ability to survive is based on his power, but… what if you’re just a normal guy like scott duvall?

“why do you get to live when so many others died? what makes YOU so special?”

this puts me in the mind of deadpool and wolverine’s honda odyssey scene — not the sex allegory — but the part where wolverine is chewing out deadpool and about halfway through his spittle-flush monologue, you can tell he’s talking more about himself than the man he’s castigating. part of scott’s issue is MAJOR survival’s guilt: he only survived because he went to get a coffee. the people he loved, who took care of him all his life, the kid who adored him and whom he really seemed to treat like his own daughter, died and he lived.

half of the issue isn’t even invincible. it’s powerplex himself. this guy probably wishes he died with them. chances are his rage was redirected towards invincible when its initial source was genuine grief and potentially self-hatred. he threw the entire rest of his life into killing invincible, to the point where he arguably faced a mental sunk cost fallacy. i’m sure he did learn that invincible was a victim, but at that point, he’d already poured so much into this that he couldn’t just give up there and then. also if omni-man, the real perpetrator, was gone, then this was the next best thing. his power emulates his own mentality — a very popular thing in this show. his power translates physical impacts — pain — into power, and his story is about how violently and wholly that pain explodes out. even after he burns his wife and child to a crisp, which is arguably the point where he should’ve been like “fuck, stop fighting, it’s so over and this time it’s my fault,” he drives that shock (pun here) outward towards mark again.

aside: why is mark getting packed the fuck up by powerplex? you could ascribe it to his own guilt and perhaps a desire to pay a physical reparation for what he did to scott’s family, and all the other’s families. or you could chalk it up to plot relevancy, where it literally has to happen in order for becky and little baby boy whose name i forgot to die.

and when mark is speaking to scott in prison, he totally fumbles the “let me comfort you, bro” ball. but it is not [title card]’s fault! powerplex’s complex stops him from taking blame for his own actions regarding his wife and son, so he’s only going to be more furious with mark. he pins blame on an external source, and i’m sure this was a learned habit, probably from his wife (i do hate blaming the woman but she did really show some markers of an instigator here. wish that wasn’t the case but it is). i like that the invincible show/comics address the sheer destruction that follows these powerful, high-octane fights, because the s1 finale really was just omni-man showing mark how insignificant we humans are.

“he can’t keep getting away with this!!”

tldr: no, you’re gonna go back and read that.

[zepskies]

So much angst in this one, right? 😅

the fact that this is how he sees their story, yet he's still chosen to be a dirty lying no good scoundrel really grinds my gears. like he needed to forget his name? I could smack him with a frying pan rapunzel style for the same effect lol

IKR? Piece of shit for real. lol I condone the Rapunzel treatment. 🍳

my immediate thought was well try harder 😭 and i did feel bad for a second, then I finished the chapter…i stand by my statement 😅

lolllll I don't blame you for that instinct honestly. He's not showing us that he deserved even an ounce of his wife saving his life and staying by his side.

so real lmaoo her inner conflict tugged at my heartstrings, i'm just glad she's giving herself some grace at least <3 it’s a difficult situation all around the flowers!!! 😩 oh dean :( and michael is truly a classic douche like sir you cannot just magically make it better with some flowers and dinner 🙂‍↔️🤚🏽

Haha Dean certainly gave her a reason to smile. 😏

Yeah she has to work through the complicated cobwebs of this situation in her mind and in her heart, poor thing. 💙 Same thing for Dean too with those flowers, especially when he runs into Michael. Exactly his point too! 😮‍💨

it’s bad enough he’s sleeping with a floozy on the regular but to take his wife’s money as well to fund that is actually beyond ballsy and insane. i hate them, justice for my girl fr 🫶🏽:(

RIGHT?! That would've sent me into contemplating murder loll.

ngl I had to put my phone down for a moment and yell into a pillow because dean, what the hell man 😩

LOL you kinda wanna choke the shit outta him, don't you? (not in the good way) 😝

oh dean, getting stabbed would’ve probably hurt less

lmfao facttts. Dean was not his best here, but yes at least he didn't let her stew in this misery and actually apologized and tried to comfort her, even if it was a bittersweet goodbye. 🥲

oh they’d work on me for sure 😭

Oh SAMe. 🥺

my heart aches, this chapter was so sad 😩 (not in a bad way!!🫶🏽) I feel for all three of them 😔🤍

I warned you guys about the heartbreak in this chapter. 🤭 I'm so sorry to do this to you, hun, but I promise there's a happy ending in store here 💙💙💙

ahhhhhh the cliffhanger! i’m guessing he found something illegal and/or dangerous 🤔 the preview is making me anxiousss, he better not hurt her! 😩

Big cliffhanger, again I'm so sorry! loll But you're getting very warm...

this was a wonderful chapter, very excited to see the drama unfold!!💗💗

Thank you so much, friend!! I'm very glad you enjoyed it despite all the heartbreak, but I can't wait to bring you guys the grand finale next week! 🥰💕

BETWEEN THE CITY & THE STARS - Part 4

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Reader

Summary: In the fall of 1945, Dean is having a difficult time assimilating back into civilian life after the War. He’s visiting his brother Sam in New York City, where he’s beginning to build up his law firm. At two minutes to closing time, you interrupt their evening to solicit a solicitor. Your request? You need help in order to divorce your husband.

AN: Now we get into the aftermath of the night before, with all the insecurity and heartbreak to go along with it. 💙

Jacklesverse Bingo24 Prompt: Historical Epic

Song Inspo: “Danke Shoen” by Wayne Newton

Word Count: 4K

Tags/Warnings: Mentions of cheating, angsty angst, trauma/PTSD, and a cliffhanger…

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Part 4: Complicit

Sam would give Michael one thing. The guy damn well knew how to drink.

He didn’t stop all night, throwing back whiskey like it was cheap beer. His words began to slur, his movements sloppy, but he was still coherent. When he got up to visit the men’s restroom, Sam got up as well. Maybe he could get Michael talking.

Sam stopped the other man from tripping into the urinal. The two laughed it off, with Michael thanking him before he unzipped to finish his business. Sam did the same.

After washing their hands, Sam looked over and noticed Michael’s gaze lingering on his own reflection in the mirror. It was becoming a rough sight—his blonde hair no longer neatly coiffed, purplish rings under his eyes, the stench of alcohol clinging to his skin and clothing.

“You all right there, Milligan?” Sam asked.

Michael ran a hand over his face, sighing when it didn’t get any better.

“Fine,” he replied. “So, Winchester. What did you say you do for work again? Something about your own business?”

Sam nodded. “I started up a law firm.”

That much, he had to be honest about. It was all too easy for someone to look up his name in the directory.

“Sounds like a good outfit,” Michael said, with an incline of his head. “Every lawyer I know wears a Rolex.”

Sam chuckled, glancing down at his father’s watch. “Well, I’m not quite there yet.”

“Someday soon, I’m sure,” said Michael. He bumped Sam conspiringly on the shoulder.

“And you?” Sam asked. “What’s keeping the lights on at your place?”

Michael raised a hand to sort through his unruly hair, a dirtier blonde in this unflattering light.

“Well, you could say I’ve inherited a business of my own,” he said. “I run a meat packing plant down in the district.”

Sam’s attention piqued. There had been a meat rationing during the war, even some rumors and propaganda about “meatleggers,” black market operators.

“How’s it been with the rations?” Sam asked. “Been hard to even find a good carton of eggs lately.”

Michael gave him a slight smile. “Been on the turnaround, actually. I’ve been able to make some connections with vendors outside the city. A little grease on the palms makes a little go a long way, if you catch my drift.”

Sam slowly smiled and nodded. A little grease on the palms, huh?

“Do what you gotta do in the times, ‘s what I say,” Sam agreed.

Michael snorted. “Now you’re talkin’. That’s all we can do, you know. Try to make a thing work, with whatever scraps we get. Try to stay afloat.”

“Try to stay alive,” Sam rejoined.

Michael made a low sound of approval. He became more contemplative, crossing his arms as he once again glanced at his reflection in the bathroom mirror. Sam’s gaze on the other man was perceptive, gaining ever closer to what seemed to be eating at the very core of him. Whether Sam actually believed what he was saying or not, each of his words was a test, a subtle nudge.

“You know,” Michael said. “I was shot down in France.”

Sam sobered further. Leaning against the counter, he retrieved two cigarettes and a lighter. He didn’t often smoke, but he thought it might keep the other man talking. He handed one over to Michael, and he took it gratefully. They lit up together and coiled musky tobacco smoke into the air.

“Where?” Sam asked.

Michael snorted, huffing a bit of smoke. “Lord knows. But when I woke up, I had stitches from here to here.”

He gestured to the back of his head, all the way to above his brow. It explained a small, but noticeable scar near his temple.

“And I had an angel standing over me,” he added, his eyes growing heavy. Guilty. “A bona fide angel. She’d stitched me up, she told me. She also told me I was lucky to be alive. The doc wanted to toe tag me and be done with it, but she thought I still had some fight left in me.”

Michael shook his head. “The next chance I got, I married her.”

Sam’s brows rose. He knew you had been a nurse, but he hadn’t known this part of your story.

“A wartime romance, huh?” he said. Michael quirked a smile.

“She was my anchor,” he said. “After it was all said and done, she followed me here, held my feet down to the ground. Sometimes she had to hammer me down, ya know.”

He hesitated, his eyes somewhat glazing over. He stared over Sam’s shoulder at something only he could see.

“But sometimes…sometimes an anchor just feels suffocating,” he said. “Sometimes, you need to forget your own damn name. Forget that your entire life and mortgage is in a warehouse that might as well be a freezer full a’ dead cow meat. And still, it smells a hell of a lot better than lying on a dirty cot—where the last guy who had your spot probably got his leg sawed off.” 

Michael considers the cigarette in his hand for a long while before he takes another puff.

Sam exhales smoke as well. He spent the last three years behind a desk, but he sees the same shaken core in Michael Milligan that he too often sees in his older brother.

“You know, Winchester, there’s two kinds of men,” Michael said, just a hint of a slur in his voice. “The ones who pray to live…and the ones who beg for it to be over.”

“And what kind of man are you now?” Sam asked. His tone was loose, but his gaze was sharp.

Michael snorted. He dabbed the butt of his cigarette on the inside of the sink before he threw it away.

“I’m the guy who can’t die,” he muttered.

He rolled his shoulders, as if to let the weight of his words and everything that came along with them to roll off his back. Then he pushed his way out of the bathroom, leaving Sam considering more than just half a cigarette.

That night after Dean left, you slept in the guest room instead of your bed. You couldn’t even bring yourself to sleep next to Michael when he stumbled in at four in the morning, especially now that you had seen his game with your own eyes. 

However, you also felt complicit yourself the next morning. You felt…ashamed. You took your vows seriously. You had never in your life thought you would be someone so brazen. You never thought you would dishonor your husband as well as yourself.

And yet. All while you got ready for work, hearing Michael’s snores from the other room, your mind was filled with warmth and memory—of Dean. His smile, his voice, his eyes, his lips, and of course, his hands. You couldn’t decide which of them was your favorite, but his hands were high on the list. 

You shouldn’t have let him in, you reminded yourself. You nibbled on your lower lip while you prepped the coffee maker. You should have told him goodnight at the door and saw him off. You should very well not have invited him up to the apartment, let alone drank with him, or let him touch you…

You paused while the sound of percolation and the smell of fresh coffee filled the kitchen. You looked up at yourself in the small mirror that hung on the wall. The woman looking back at you was conflicted at best.

Yes, you felt guilty. But at the same time, you didn’t. Was it really betraying your marriage if your husband had been doing far worse, and for God knew how long?

No. This wasn’t a marriage. This was a sham. A mockery of the very thing.

You frowned angrily and almost slammed the carafe on the counter when the coffee was done. Forcing yourself to take a few steadying breaths, you allowed that hate and anger to slowly drain out of you, and you smiled.

You marveled that you could smile at all, but it was only thanks to Dean Winchester.

What the hell am I doing?

Dean stared at the two bouquets of flowers. One was a bound bunch of red roses, the other was wildflowers and other colorful ones he didn’t know the names of. He was having a hard time deciding, namely because he didn’t know what kind of flowers you liked.

Because after all, he barely knew you.

He sighed down at the roses. They were pretty, but expensive. He could imagine your surprise, followed by your smile—the one that actually lit up your eyes and changed your whole face, made you sweeter, almost shy.

I’m buying flowers for a married woman.

The thought managed to make him pause, with a rough exhale of breath. The truth was, he’d crossed the line with you. More than once.

The hard part about it was, he didn’t really care. He did wonder if you cared.

He wondered if you’d be embarrassed to see him again. He wondered if you wanted to keep last night a memory, and nothing more. He wondered if he was better off booking his train home now, and leaving some kind of note for you with Sam. Dean didn’t think he wanted to see that look of mortification on your face, the whiskey finally cleared from your mind to see what he really was: a man with no job, no commitments, and very little prospects on the horizon.

“Ah, ‘scuse me,” a young man said from Dean’s left side.

“Oh, sorry,” Dean said, making way for the guy. He wasn’t quite as tall as Dean, lithe, blonde, and blue-eyed. He grabbed an arrangement of blue and yellow iris flowers from the case and took it up to the front. The florist seemed to recognize him.

“Oh, Michael! Been a while since I’ve seen you,” he said.

When the florist asked about you as well, the mention of your name rang between Dean’s ears. A feeling like inky claws raked through his chest; he raised his head from the roses and finally recognized Michael Milligan. He was the same man Dean had spotted in your wedding pictures hanging on the wall last night, right in the foyer.

“She’s all right,” Michael chuckled. “Truth be told, I’ve been working late this week. Hoping to surprise her tonight, take her out to dinner. Somewhere nice, you know.” 

“Oh, really? Why don’t you take her to that nice steakhouse off of Broadway…” the florist twittered on as he continued to ring up Michael’s order.

Anger and disgust prickled under Dean’s skin, his fists clenched at his sides. More than anything, he wanted to turn around and lay your husband out flat. If he thought one little bouquet and a Salisbury steak was going to wash him clean, then he was an idiot as well as a selfish bastard.

But Dean knew, deep down, that Michael would be just as justified to throw a swing right back at him.

So Dean left the flowers, the flower shop, and the entire busy street and all its blaring sounds behind.

During your lunch break, you quickly made the trek over to Sam’s office. He’d called you this morning with a story that only confirmed everything you’d inherently felt, and yet, some of it still managed to shock you. 

You didn’t even have the patience to wait until after work, but when you got there, he reassured you. It had taken him a few rounds of poker and discreetly following Michael and Dolores after they exited through the back of the club…but Sam had gotten the evidence not long after. They weren’t exactly discreet in the alley. Or in the nearby motel.

You had the envelope in hand filled with the pictures he’d developed from his camera.  

“You don’t have to look,” he advised. “I wouldn’t recommend it.”

“No, I want to see it,” you said. You took the pictures out, and your expression didn’t change as you look through them all. Each position captured was more compromising than the next between Michael and Dolores Daye. Apparently, he was paying most of her bills as well with your combined household funds. So part of your own money was financing his exploits.

“I’m sorry,” Sam said. He was sincere, with those hazel eyes of his.

You nodded and gave him back the envelope. “What’s next?”

“I went ahead and filed the petition. I’ll take this right to the clerk’s office myself.”

“How long will it take to be over?”

“As long as Michael plays along, should be quick. A few months at most, after he’s served the divorce papers and signs them,” Sam assured.

A few months? That wasn’t quick enough in your book, but you agreed with a nod. You got up from the chair opposite his desk. You hesitated there.

“Oh, I meant to ask…how’s your brother?” you said.

Sam began to smile, but he tempered it. “He just called before you came in. He let me know he was stepping out for a walk.”

“Oh, really? Did he happen to say where?”

You not only found Dean in Central Park, but close to the very same bench you two had sat on yesterday and talked the night away. He was surprised, but he smiled when he saw you. Your pace quickened, until you were hastening over to him. He welcomed you into his arms. He bent his head towards yours, stopping just shy of kissing you. Instead, he pressed his forehead to yours for a moment.

“Well, look who’s here?” he teased. “How’d you find me?”

“I stopped by Sam’s office,” you said, holding onto the lapels of his coat. A cold November wind pushed at you both, ruffling your clothes. “The paperwork is on its way. Soon enough, I won’t be a married woman anymore.”

He tucked a wild strand of hair behind your ear and smiled, but it didn’t altogether reach his eyes.

“How soon is soon?” he asked.

“A few months, according to your brother.”

Dean nodded, taking a deep breath. “That’s good…but, I need to head home for a little while.”

That made you pause, tilting your head in confusion. Though you supposed it made sense. He was only here visiting his brother. He was planning on going home eventually.

But surely, that was before we… You lowered your gaze.

“Back to Lawrence?” you asked. Again, he nodded.

“I need to take care of some things, figure out my next move,” he said.

You pulled away from him to brace yourself, and not just against the cold. “Well, when will you be back?” 

He stayed quiet, worrying you even more. There was a deep pit forming in your stomach, churning with unease.  

“Dean?” you prodded.

He stepped back in to grasp your arms gently.

“Sweetheart…the truth is, I don’t have much to offer you,” he said. “I don’t have a business to inherit from my folks. I don’t even have a job. I’m a man who was about as useful as a jackhammer, until the war ended.”

You frowned, resting a hand against his chest. “Dean Winchester, that’s not all there is to you.”

“Really. When did you figure that one out, in the whole week you’ve known me?” he asked. It was harsher than he meant to be, but he couldn’t help the words that were spilling out of his mouth. “Didn’t that get you in trouble the first time? I’d a thought you would’ve learned your lesson by now.”

You snatched your hand back, hurt filling your eyes. You turned to walk away before he saw your tears. You should have known. You should have known a man like him would never be serious. Not about you. 

As soon as he let the words go, Dean realized what he was doing. Yeah, he was frustrated, but it wasn’t aimed at you. It couldn’t be aimed at you.

God knew he didn’t want to hurt you, or for you to hate him. He really couldn’t stomach either thought, so he relented and reached out to grab at your hand, before you could get too far. 

“Wait,” he said, managing to pull you back to him. “I’m sorry.”

You tugged your hand to try and free yourself from his grasp. 

“You know what, maybe you’re right,” you said, your voice wobbling with anger, dismay, and tears. “Maybe I ought to stop letting a man get even an inch into my heart. At this point, it’s my own fault.”

“Stop,” Dean demanded. “No, it’s not.” 

He pulled you back into him, but you looked away from his imploring gaze. Your breaths grew shallow while you tried in vain to stop yourself from crying. It damn well broke his heart.

“It’s not your fault. I’m just an idiot,” He cupped your cheeks and wiped your tears as they fell. “But you…you deserve to be happy. With a man that can take care of you, protect you. A man who has a little more of his life figured out.”

“You’re just saying that so you have an excuse for toying with me. So you can keep chasing skirts,” you said, pushing at his chest. “Yes, your brother told me about all your little exploits.”

Dean took the blow, both proverbial and physical, with a raise of his brows. He guessed he couldn’t blame you for that one. Still, the disdain behind your words stung. He allowed you to break free of him.

You stepped back and straightened your clothes. You took in a deep breath that did nothing to calm you, and you uttered a humorless laugh.

“I suppose it makes sense. Why would you want anything to do with me?” You gestured down at yourself with a dismissive hand. “A-a walking mess. Even when I am divorced, that’s how people will see me. Damaged goods. I don’t even know how I’m gonna tell my parents.”

You covered your face against Dean and the rest of the world, and after weeks and months, you finally allowed yourself the one thing you hadn’t since your first inkling that your husband was being unfaithful. You finally allowed yourself to break.

The first sob shuddered through your body, followed by hot tears. You squeezed your eyes against them and wiped at your face in vain.

Dean broke too, in his own way. He gathered you into his arms, where he shushed you gently and pressed a kiss to your forehead. 

“I wasn’t giving you an excuse,” he said.

Despite how much you wanted to push him away, the deep, steady timbre of his voice pierced you and soothed you at the same time.

“I meant every word I said. I may not be the right guy for you, but don’t you dare take a scrap of what anyone else might say, you hear me?” he said firmly. “You’re beautiful. You don’t suffer fools like me, and you’re better than that sad sack excuse of a man deserves.”

You looked up at him with watery eyes.

“You’re a lot of things, Dean Winchester, but you’re not a fool.”

He shook his head, not wanting to argue with you anymore. He just kissed you, deeply, thoroughly, the way you always imagined a kiss should be.

Except that you realized…this was goodbye. So you took advantage of every second of it.

You met him with as much as he gave and reached up to touch his cheek. It felt a little rough under your fingers, just like you remembered. You would probably always remember that feeling, long after you left the park.

That evening, you packed as many bags as you could. You put together the savings you’d been collecting for a few months. It had been at your coworker Jess’s advice, ever since you started feeling the inkling that something wasn’t right in your marriage.

After you were all packed, you took one last, long look at the space you had tried to make your home. With one last tear trailing your cheek, you stepped out of the apartment. You took the bus uptown, where you later checked into a hotel. 

When your husband finally got home from work, he would find a one-page letter written in your own hand. 

For once, Sam was actually home in his apartment. He was helping Dean take his suitcase to the front door after calling a taxi to come shortly. Sam wasn’t happy about it though.

“You don’t have to go so soon, Dean,” said Sam.

Dean gave a humorless laugh. He grabbed his coat from the rack and threw it on.

“I’ve gotta get back to the house. It’s already been empty too long,” he said. Three years too long. “Fact is, I’m just getting in your way here.”

He couldn’t quite meet Sam’s eyes as he went to the door, but Sam stopped him with a pressing hand on his arm, tugging him back.

“Hey,” Sam said, his brows furrowed. “That’s not true. Where’d you get that idea?”

Dean raised his brows. “You mean the way you’ve haven’t been home more than a few hours a night? The way the only time I see you is if I go find you at that office. You should open up a Bed n’ Breakfast there. You’d make a double killing in this town.”

Sam wilted. “Dean, we opened the firm barely a month ago. I’m just trying to—”

Dean laid a hand on his shoulder, relenting.

“Hey, look. I’m not judging you, Sammy. I’m not,” he said. “You’re building something. I know that. I just need to go figure out how to do the same, whatever that means for me.”

Sam stared back at him, still with that frown. His guilt and reluctance to see Dean go was reflected in his eyes; those sad puppy dog eyes that used to get him out of almost any punishment with their parents when the boys were young. Before.

The corner of Dean’s mouth kicked up into a smirk.

“Don’t worry. I’ll see you again soon,” he said.

“How soon is soon?” Sam asked. It was something their mother used to say to John whenever he called late, promising he’d come home after long days in town buying supplies for the farm.

“The divorce papers will be served to Michael Milligan,” Sam added, pointedly raising his brows. “She…could use your support.”

Dean’s smile faded at the mention of you. His hand slipped from Sam’s shoulder.

“She’s got a strong head on her shoulders. She’ll be all right,” he said. He heard the honk of the taxi outside. He grabbed up his hat, set it on his head, and took up his bags. He turned back to Sam at the last moment. “I’m sure you’ll look out for her.”

It was somehow both a question, and an imploring charge. Sam sighed, but he nodded in agreement. His brother could be so very stubborn. Once he got an idea of what he thought he needed to do, there was almost no talking him out of it.

Sam opened the door for him and walked him out to the car, helping him with his bags. Before Dean could get into the cab, Sam stopped him. Their gazes met, but in that moment, no words were needed.

They pulled one another into a firm hug.

I’m sorry. I should’ve been there more for you.

Don’t worry about it. It’s already forgotten.

Dean released him first with a smile, and a heavy pat of Sam’s shoulder. He turned and climbed into the cab’s backseat. Afterwards, Sam watched the yellow cab take his brother away to the train station, feeling a weight in his heart that wouldn’t subside.

He would never know that Dean felt exactly the same way. Except that impossible weight felt a lot like your hand, gently laid over his heart.

Dean took up his suitcase as the train pulled into the station. He stepped up onto the platform and retrieved the ticket from his pocket, but he paused, hearing a familiar voice shouting his name.

He turned his head and saw Sam rushing to meet him at the platform.

“What’s the matter? What’re you doing here?” Dean asked in surprise. He didn’t like the wary apprehension written across Sam’s face.

“I just took a closer look at Milligan’s finances,” he said. “Before you go, there’s something you might want to know.”

AN: Come on, we needed at least one cliffhanger in this series! 😘 What do you think Sam rushed over to tell Dean? What did you think about their "goodbye," as well as her and Dean's goodbye? ...And are you ready for all the drama that's about to go down? lol 

Next Time:

Except the loud, insistent knock on the door broke you out of your thoughts. Straightening up with a frown, you set down your glass and went over to the door. Maybe it was Housekeeping coming up to bring you the fresh towels you asked for. The ones that had been laid out in the bathroom smelled musty.

You opened the door to a tall frame taking up room in the doorway. It was Michael, standing there both disheveled and steaming mad. He held your letter crumpled in his left hand. 

“Michael, what—what’re you doing here?” you gasped and stepped back. He followed you inside the room and slammed it shut. He looked around at your open suitcases in disbelief, then finally at you.

“What’s this supposed to mean, huh?” he demanded to know. He shook the flimsy piece of paper at you.

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