#shes so Weird and unhinged but shes so often seeking understanding

[elfcollector]

Captain, may I ask if you ever have that same feeling? — I do. Really? Who would have guessed we would share that.

[lnkedmyheart]

Please share your backstory idea for the Tanizaki siblings, I hope we can use the "apollo and the gift of prophecy" meme for one of your posts one day

Honestly it would be too complicated to share it in a post like this. But basically in my version of their backstory these two are the result of a deeply troubled background where they ended up in an extremely codependent relationship and the act of intimacy sort of acts as a kind of healing for them. The thing about a lot of the stories I have read that deal with incest and what led me to not view the Tanizaki's as creepy or sick is that in all of them the incestuous nature of their relationship is never seen as something normal but rather as a coping mechanism, the only place where these siblings are able to seek out safety and security is in each other and a kind of unhinged codependence manifests as romantic love. They fall outside of the realm of the societal norms and a regular person even in universe is unable to understand what broke in them to do that, where platonic familial love morphed into romantic and even sexual love?

Given how dark Junichiro is, how often he seems to stumble into the darkest mindset seen in any of the ADA members and how often his darkness stems from any perceived threat to Naomi, I feel confident that whatever happened to them stems from his inability to protect Naomi at some point in the past. They stabilize each other and Naomi definitely seems more normal of two even if she is more forward and uncaring of social appearance but Tanizaki is the one who is actually unhinged, he just comes across as more normal of the two because he is less forward in terms of showing his attraction to her. Often times in such stories the characters seem to lose their own identity outside of their sibling, seeing themselves as being one or a single soul split into two. And I think when looking at a story with so much complexity and where characters exist outside of what is considered socially acceptable by the normal society, acting like two siblings seeking out something in each other is the scummiest, ickiest thing ever is weird. You aren't meant to like it or approve of it, but applying that mentality and going "ew" in regards to this dynamic just makes me think that you aren't mentally ready for stories that deal with this level of complexity and make you question things that you have grown comfortable with. The reason for this type of dynamic isnt to make you like incest or ignore it as a random gag but to make you question what happened to cause them to become like this?

[nouru-vi]

Headcanons for my AFK Arena gang buckle the f up

Disclaimer: I take canon lore/relationships and throw out what I don’t like thank you have a nice day

Starter pack: Estrilda, Mirael and Nemora

Nemora is sent by the Wilders to help out Ranhorn City and these three stick together going forward

Estrilda and Mirael are in idiot lesbians with each other. They constantly try to impress the other and Nemora is in the bg facepalming but she also ships them hard secretly

The gang is sent to hunt down Lucretia who is rampaging indiscriminately through the countryside and they manage to subdue and capture her. As they’re bringing her back to Ranhorn, Nemora keeps drawing info out of her through treating her kindly, and learns her story. Then they’re attacked by a large group of Maulers or sg, and Lucy demands that they unchain her if they want to live (lbr she has to be chained and not tied), adding that she also refuses to die tied up. Nemora chooses to trust her and she helps them make it out alive. Then they’re like “okay this Zaphrael dude sounds like a complete dick and we’ll help you confront him when we find him and also you can stay with us, we won’t bring you to Ranhorn to be imprisoned/executed. No more rampaging tho” and that’s how Lucy becomes the local goth mom

Silvina is sent to assassinate Estrilda, to finish off the job of destroying the Raynes, but when she sees her, memories come back to her from before her death, when she saw the young Estrilda as the girl she never got to be. She is like “fuck this I’m not doing this” and realises it’s time to stand up to Vedan’s exploitation of her and Isabella, if not for her own sake but her sister’s. She confronts Estrilda and pleads her to help remove Isabella from Vedan’s clutches. Her and the team go to do that and Isabella doesn’t really understand at first but when Vedan hurts Silvina she’s like “Back off. I made you what you are, don’t think I can’t unmake you just the same.” Now outclassed, Vedan is forced to let them go, and the sisters join the gang. Lucretia is immediately like “I’m your mom now”

Bonus: months later Vedan shows up to be like “Please forgive me. I never knew what I had until I lost it, I treated you two like crap even though you were the closest thing to family I had! Pls come back to me T_T” and although they don’t do that they agree to let him visit sometimes, so he becomes their weird weekend dad. Lucy watches him like a hawk every single time but he tries his best (I added this HC as an afterthought because the official comics with Vedan and the girls are just too fucking funny to be non-canon)

Wu Kong helps out the team on and off and Lucy hates him because he’s a FILTHY CELESTIAL while he’s just like, lady im am just leetl monky. I’m new to being a Celestial actually and don’t even know this Zaphirel or whatshisface. I’m just here to punch bad guys and have a good time. But he also annoys her for fun because he’s just like that

Lyca joins the team as a somewhat more competent co-leader to Mirael. To Nemora’s relief, because she’s the only other person so far who is not a mess or dumb or both. Silvina develops a mega gay crush on her because she’s the bouncy nerd prep to her emo jock goth. It probably takes a very long time for this to come to the surface because she is a Disgusting Graveborn and Lyca is a Beautiful and Ethereal Wilder, according to Silvina, that is. Her concerns turn out to be baseless, of course, and then they’re cute and gay, The End

Solise joins to swell the ranks of people who are both dumb and a mess. She’s powerful though and a great alchemist, and adorable and everyone else is sapphic so go figure

Flora also shows up often to help the group and Lucy is like HISS GRRR CELESTIAL HRRR GRRR at her too, while she’s just like, lady. It’s gonna be alright. You will find justice one day. Calm down. Here’s a flower bigger than your head. Have a nice day :) ~flies off on her gay little flower broom into the sunset gayly~

Certain groups catch wind of Lucretia travelling with the group and as a result, Cecilia is sent after them. Since Lucy is family by this point, they’re forced to fight and subdue Cecilia. She gets injured and they’re unwilling to leave her to her fate, so they bring her along as she recovers. For a long time, she keeps going on about heretics cavorting with Hypogean filth and whatnot, but what’s this? Lucy is around, and although Cecilia can’t see her, her voice is inexplicably pleasant to hear, and she’s just so nice to those two girls! But surely that is the insidious deception of a treacherous Hypogean, seeking to corrupt every innocent soul, right? Surely she is not a loving mother, nor a valiant woman who will do anything for the sake of justice? Right??? (yeah spoiler they end up in gays and the sisters now have two mothers and a dad. They deserve all the parents)

One day the gang stumbles upon Torne and they collectively adopt them immediately. They’re big and smad and in need of hugs and therapy so the group is happy to provide.

Nara joins from time to time, apparently because she just enjoys carnage, regardless of the target. She’s a gross and unhinged gremlin who’s somehow still hot, and her idea of humour is “bet I can kick a dead baby further than any of you”, but she’s pretty upbeat and more or less tolerated by the others. Things become awkward when the group finds out she used to be a crime boss and would-be slaver in life. She says something like “well, am I not allowed to make a new start?”, but she does have the decency to look embarrassed at least. Someone says “maybe she just wanted friends for once” and Nara throws them the most maybe so look of the century

There are some other heroes that I have yet to figure out how to work into the group dynamics and story, like Grezhul for example, as he’s one of my most used heroes now, or Oden, who has also become one of my faves. I do know Oden absolutely makes dad jokes, for a start.

That’s it so far, notice how all of these are wholesome and mostly gay? Yea that is how I roll. The AFK heroes have suffered enough in canon, only positive vibes around here and also I’m queer as shit bye

[davidcxrenswet]

“ i just want to hear your voice until i fall asleep … ”

He wasn’t present for most of the removal, and for good reason. If Mariana so much as shrieked or cried out once, he’d fight tooth and nail to stop the whole thing. Sure they had Bryce, a rugged brute, and Kaz the golden boy jock around, but Harvey was taller and quicker, and none of them would be able to hold him down. He’d stop the whole thing and drag Mariana away from there if she cried out for him to do so. So it was imperative he stayed away. He just didn’t get very far with that plan. Harvey had been pacing outside the house where they conducted the exorcism or whatever it was they were doing. He didn’t really know, and frankly he didn’t really care to know. The more details he had, the harder it would have been for him to be away. At the time he had only really understood a couple scattered facts: there was some shard inside Mariana which changed her genetic make up to the point that she needed to literally eat men in order to survive, the longer it was there the more feral she’d get, and that only the Murder Club could get it out of her. He didn’t like that last bit. No matter what, Harvey just didn’t trust that group of delinquents. And at that time he had to trust them with the most important person in his life.

It had nearly driven him mad, to the point where he just couldn’t stay away and finally gave into the urge to run to her. When he barreled down the stairs into the cellar where things were happening, he could only remember a handful of things. Mariana was chained down in the center of the room, her jaw unhinged in an inhuman way revealing rows of deadly sharp fangs. She didn’t look anything like the girl he cuddled up to almost nightly. It was hard to believe the flesh curling above those teeth were the lips he kissed so often. There was nothing recognizable in her frenzied eyes or shrieking voice. It was an image out of his worst nightmares, created from the girl of his dreams. He remembered the way his stomach flopped uncomfortably, the whirl of nausea that gripped him while his heart shattered at the sight. It was horrid and it was frightening and it gutted him to hear her scream like she did. Surely they were failing, there’s no way they could hold back that demonic thing. That’s what he thought, and it was probably true, but then there was a voice calling over the screaming and shouting — a voice Harvey thought may have been Violet Matthews but it had seemed unlikely. After all, none of them really cared if the former junior deputy didn’t survive this B-movie horror show they’d been dragged into — so whoever called out that staying this way could lead to his untimely demise was likely seeking the only trump card they could have against her in the situation.

The next events blurred together to the point where Harvey wasn’t sure exactly when they happened or how long it all took place, but eventually Mariana stopped fighting, and the whole weird ritual thing went on and a shard of glass was ripped out of her abdomen by some invisible force. It all happened so fast that whenever he tried to imagine it, he no longer felt scared of the memory. He was practically numb to it. What he recalled more clearly was Mariana passing out afterwards and everyone huddling close to her, until he’d shouldered past them, making his presence known, and carried her out of there. If any of them tried to protest, he didn’t care. He wasn’t leaving her with them after all that — somehow he knew deep down she didn’t want to wake up surrounded by their concerned expressions and probing questions. So he took her away, back to the loft apartment he’d kept above the old church. She was out cold the entire time, and he’d worried momentarily when he’d deposited her on the bed that maybe he shouldn’t have moved her. It was too late, though.

She was there, tucked gently under the covers of his bed after he’d put her in clean clothes, snoozing silently against the pillow. He hadn't fully registered what was going on until Sassy had placed his head on the edge of the bed and whimpered at the girl. “Ssh, quiet buddy,” he hummed to the dog, scratching behind his ears. “She needs some rest.” And boy did she rest. Harvey thought she’d be asleep for maybe five to eight hours, at least the length of a regular sleep. Surely once the sunlight flooded through the skylight she’d be roused awake. He didn’t feel bothered when Sasquatch jumped onto the empty space beside Mariana and curled up to sleep, occasionally poking his head up to observe her in hopes she’d wake. When Harvey pulled a chair next to the bed, popping in one AirPod and pulling up an audiobook to keep himself occupied while he waited, he’d expected to only be sitting there for a few hours.

So when nearly sixteen hours had passed and Mariana was still asleep and he’d had the worst ache in his joints from leaning forward on his elbows and watching her with deeply worried eyes… Harvey just wasn’t sure what was going on. He was beginning to fear the worst: that somehow the exorcism or ritual those stupid kids did put his girlfriend in a coma. He wondered if he should rush her to the hospital but then what would he tell them? “My girlfriend was a man eating demon because someone literally shoved a piece of glass into her stomach but it’s okay some hooligans from school read some Latin out loud and got it out of her but then she passed out and hasn’t woken up in like more than half a day, so I’m not sure what’s wrong but I think she’s at least human again.” Her mother, the hospital nurse, would surely love to hear that ridiculous story about her daughter from a coworker. Before Mariana even woke up, they’d send Harvey to the loony bin and toss out the key.

He was beginning to fear the worst but then it had finally happened — she woke. He imagined that moment a lot when he’d been sitting there, alternating in between listening to Stephen Fry narrating Harry Potter or Weezer crooning alt rock. He imagined the sharp inhale when she woke, the way her eyes would slowly and hazily open, looking around the room and trying to piece together where she was until her gaze landed on her dutiful boyfriend brooding in the chair next to her bed. And he wouldn’t notice her until she’d speak up, her voice soft and tired. And then he would jolt awake and jump to the bed where he’d shower her in soft kisses and practically weep over how happy he was she was okay… the thought went hazy there but he assumed he’d go make her breakfast and she’d walk around feeling totally normal and okay, like a healthy and happy teenage girl just waking up on a lazy Saturday morning. Maybe they’d go for a drive, or head to Marie’s because certainly she’d be ravenous. Normal. He’d suspected she’d wake up normal. What he got was a little different. She definitely seemed tired, and a little disoriented, and when Sassy leaned his massive head over and gently licked her hand and curled into her side, well he suspected she must have been happy to see her two boys first thing waking up after that horrific night. He hoped she was happy. But there was this edge in the air, something that told him that something was off.

This only became apparent in the way Mariana had acted since waking up. She was fatigued, understandably, but she was also quiet and distant. While she seemed mostly physically okay, there was definitely something going on with her, mentally or emotionally, that didn’t seem okay. Harvey tried to figure out how to change whatever was amiss, but as usual Mariana didn’t open up right away to him. She kept herself a bit closed off, kept her feelings mostly concealed. So he’d focused on taking care of her in other more obvious ways. He cooked nutritious meals for her, foods to help her get her strength back, and monitored her hydration, urging her to drink often. He’d hovered by her whenever she got up to move, making sure she didn’t stumble. He’d made sure she was always comfortable, put on her favorite programs to give her something to occupy herself with. He’d even made sure a whole load of his t-shirts was washed and folded, ready for her to swap out since he knew she liked wearing his clothes while lounging about. He’d offered to take her on drives to get some fresh air, let Sassy occupy Harvey’s usual spot on the bed in case she wanted puppy cuddles — just about anything he could think of that would make her happy. But she barely responded to his actions. The only times he thought she really reached out to him were when she wanted to curl up against him. He’d caught her doing that when they slept side by side, Sasquatch banished to his own doggy bed so Harvey didn’t spend another extended period sleeping upright in a chair. They usually spooned when she’d slept over before but when they’d slept next to each other during her recovery Harvey had made it a point to give her space in case she was in any physical pain. But he’d wake up in the middle of the night to her curled up against his side and he’d shift over to wrap his arm around her. He knew when he was being asked to hold her, and he knew it was best to comply.

After a couple days, Harvey began to feel a little useless. Eventually she was tending to her own needs, taking care of feeding herself etc. He still felt that she was distant, and he’d yet to try and broach the topic of what happened. He wasn’t sure if she was ready to talk, and given that she didn’t bring up what happened herself he figured it was going to be some time before she gave any indication she wanted to speak about it. So he bit back the questions, the lingering concern of the after effects. They weren’t back to a normal routine yet, which made him think she wasn’t exactly back to normal herself. And given she didn’t give him any ideas as far as what she needed from him, he was beginning to worry. He recalled that moment she gave in to the shard removal, the suggestion that had been made by one of the Murder Club kids. You’ll hurt Harvey. If that was the thought that clicked with her, that led her to give up her demonic powers… He was beginning to think that maybe the reason she wasn’t opening up to him about what had happened was because deep down she blamed him for it. What if she didn’t want to give it up? She did give them a fight at the end there… What if she regretted giving it up? And if he was the reason she did do that… Did she resent him for it? He hated admitting he was an insecure man, but late at night when he was alone to his thoughts and she felt like she was pulling even further away from him… It was all he could think about. What if she hates me now? Deep down he knew it was a stupid thought, but she wasn’t giving him a reason to think otherwise.

When they laid down the next evening, Harvey carefully moving in closer to her while still maintaining space between them, he’d found he had enough tip toeing around her and to point blank ask her what she wanted from him. So as Mariana settled into her pillow, he turned to look straight at her and abruptly asked, “Do you want me to spoon you?” He watched her brows knit in response to his random outburst and so he continued speaking. “I mean… Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night and you’re sleeping against me and I realize when we go to bed I don’t, like, try to hold you or anything. I guess I’m asking if you want me to cuddle with you when we go to bed?” It felt so weird asking for clarification on something that was typically second nature for them. Dragging a hand through his curls, he slid his palm over his face and sighed deeply.

“I just… I don’t know what you need from me right now. Things have been kinda weird and I feel pretty nervous around you and I just… I’m worried I’m not giving you what you need right now. So I need you to tell me what it is that you need me to do, or want me to do to help you through whatever is going on in your head lately. I won’t push or ask you to open up to me if you’re not ready to do so. Even if you’re never ready… it’s fine, I’ll understand but I need you to tell me what I can do for you now to help make things okay again. I feel kinda useless which is fine most of the time but in the case of the girl I love, I - I just want to be able to do something for her. So please just… help me out a little. Give me something.” When she finally said something, Harvey was a bit surprised at what she said. He blinked a couple times before his gaze softened. He’d been an idiot. All this time he’d been working himself up feeling useless and he forgot one very simple fact about their relationship. Companionship. In its simplest form Mariana really just enjoyed his companionship. It took him a bit of time to realize that, pushing himself to the brink of insanity creating overly romantic moments filled with grand gestures when really all he needed to do was just be there and she seemed content.

Cheeks a bit pink with a slight blush, Harvey moved closer to her. He wrapped his arm around her waist and pulled her close to his chest, tangling his legs with hers under the covers as he weaved his fingers through her blonde hair. “You want to listen to me?” He asked quietly, awaiting her confirmation. “What should I do? Just say whatever? Tell a story or…?” His nerves were getting the better of him but he swallowed them back and cuddled her closer. She wasn’t asking for much, there was no sense complicating things. She probably just wanted to be held by her boyfriend and listen to his soft voice while she dozed off. How hard could that be? He pressed his lips to her forehead, and smiled when he swore she moved in closer. He could do this for her. He was pretty sure he’d do just about anything for her.

“Okay, I can talk. If that’s what you want, then I’ll just keep talking until you’re fast asleep. I, uh… I was looking at the calendar while cleaning the dishes earlier and I realized something. Prom is coming up. Yeah I started thinking about it, trying to remember where I packed my tux. You know, from things like debut. ‘A gentleman should always have a tuxedo in case the situation calls for it.’ That’s what Margaret used to say. Anyway, I started mentally tallying up the cost of everything. Limo, corsage… Thought that instead of taking you to the motel afterwards like a total cheapskate that we could ditch town and drive to the city and stay at a fancier place for a long weekend. Make a whole trip out of it. Didn’t you tell me that after prom it wasn’t a requirement to go to classes? I think you said that once. Like a year ago… Whoa, we’ve been dating for almost a year now. That’s pretty wild. I think after everything we’ve been through this year, we deserve to run off and ignore everyone for a few days.” He chuckled, “Not that I’m suggesting I should be your date to your Senior Prom. I mean I figured some of the football players and other guys in town will attempt to ask you, and I should at least give them the chance to try. We both know I can do a kickass promposal, but I’m kinda curious what the other kids in town may come up with. Who knows — Maybe one of them will woo you better than me. Then I can spend another prom night in my boxers watching Lord of the Rings. Just know it’d be your loss because I’m a great awkward slow dance partner. And I look good in a tux.”

Smiling, he pulled Mariana practically on top of him, curling both his arms around her and pressing kisses into her hair and onto her face. He wanted to give her some sense of normalcy, something that was a bit more like their usual routine. And cuddles and chaste kisses while he joked about prom and her many suitors seemed like a good start. A reminder that there was still so much to look forward to and that, shard or no shard, she was a gorgeous girl that boys tripped themselves over. She was still that girl that took his, and likely everyone’s, breath away.

“Whatever happens, just promise me this — no truth or dare with random kids you don’t recognize, okay?”

@karolinadeanwrites

[eldonash]

Orobas&Morelia - fated

Summary: Nearly killed by a slayer, Orobas is on the brink of psychotic break. Heavily damaged, he runs into Morelia-- the two strike a small deal and expose their true selves.

Location: Southern State Time Period: Flashback -- Untied States Civil War; 1863 Triggers: Gore, blood, body horror, injury, death

War was a constant energy in the world across all species and time. Orobas traveled with war, lured to it from South Korea into China, to Germany, and eventually into the United States. He moved often with his maker Haxian, the two inseparable and always with a body count behind them. It was growing tiresome in this city, a slayer had almost cut Orobas in half. It was probably the closest he’s ever almost perished, and the feast he required to heal from the damage had put him in disturbed mood. Haxian had left him only to seek out a place to lay low for a few days, the gun fire in the distance was a crackle of explosions, and the scent of blood in this war beaten southern town was heavenly. He moved from the darkness of an alleyway to the edge of a street. The streets pitch less lanterns strung up on hooks, as the dark sky randomly illuminated in bursts of firelight. People tried to scurry through the city to get to where they were needed. Unaware of the cloaked figure with a limp, arm almost hanging off his shoulder, and a thirst so deep anything would do.

Entangling herself with mundane matters wasn’t something Morelia did frequently. Finding herself in the independent nurse squadron hadn’t been a bad strike of luck, but rather the easiest way she’d found so far to relentlessly eat without fearing getting caught either by wardens or the same humans she so deeply desired. But despite having an all you can eat buffet to her disposition, the lampade still found herself merging with the shadows at night, waiting for the perfect victim. Many seamlessly walked past her without noticing, wondering why a particular spot felt slightly colder than others, the ghost of a hand touching the back of their necks. But it was probably their imagination, right? But it wasn’t the thrill of finding a clueless spellcaster what kept her in the dark alley, but rather a barely noticeable silhouette that had caught her eye. It took a while before she decided to move and, like a ghost, the woman lurked towards it, hoping she’d be lucky enough to find her dinner.

Orobas couldn’t remember what human hunger felt like. Emotions were a blurry crosshatch within his mind, that shifted with his moods and what he desired. Layers of simplistic understanding in survival were more pronounced, and likely why he’s survived as long as he has, being someone who killed so much. The monster didn’t entirely exist with the living, not caring for their needs, their ambitions, or their lives, but it was necessary to associate with them. Humans disgusted him, a vermin that he feasted on because it was all he needed to remain immortal. Right now, hunger was there, a swirling dull throb that made his eyes bleed to red as he limped forward again, the step excruciating as his middle slid out of place and seemed to barely connect. As he moved from the alleyway towards the building where people were laughing, and drinking their fill, a tavern it seemed-- he pulled out a long six inch, ivory handled blade with his only operating hand. Keeping it hidden within the folds of his long cloak, covering most of his injury and body. 

It was easy to sneak up on them without getting noticed, after all for Morelia was born from the shadows, and to shadows she would return. It was almost boresome how easy it was to prey on others, especially when a touch was all she needed to avoid starving to death --- human flesh wasn’t a necessity she required to survive, but rather just a delight she never wanted to let go of. She continued silently looking the way the silhouette limped next to her, pitying how completely unaware of her presence they were and how easy it would be to just snap its neck. It would be a favor, really, to help them get out of that suffering. Something was off, however. No smell came from the figure, which meant they weren’t human. And that was enough to peak the woman’s interest. If anyone had been watching into the alley, it would’ve looked like she materialized from the thin air. Morelia continued silently observing, her head now cocked to one side, and a dark smirk painted on her face. She wondered how long it would take the other to notice her presence, but the little show was too good to stop it.

Orobas didn’t notice the presence at all, his eyes were on his desires. The laughter on the other side of the windows, their cheer’s with tankards splashing ale over their fat fingers. Orobas shivered in want to hear them scream, to smell their blood-- but as his awareness caught up to him, though very delayed, something sinister curled a snarl to his lips. With a fast turn, he made to shove the person to the wall, the knife pressed to their throat, but he gritted his teeth as his injury moved and shifted, giving his upper body a disjointed, disturbing appearance. His eyes regardless were forward and on the woman. The scent sweet, and alluringly different. “Mhmm,” a throaty sound caught at the back of his throat. “What is so funny.” 

A short breath left Morelia’s throat as her back hit the wall, mostly in surprise. In all honesty, she hadn’t expected to be met with such force, but the blade pressed against her fake skin was a nice touch, and she couldn’t help but let out an actual laugh at his words. Not only he looked like he was struggling, but his voice confirmed her how emaciated he was. “Well, you, of course.” A blunt reply, the obnoxious smirk never leaving her face. Her eyes flickered slightly as she took notice of the fangs. The undead weren’t her favorite crowd as there was no magic to steal away, and to say she was disappointed would be the understatement of the century. But, for now, she wasn’t scared but rather very amused, despite the repulsive disfigured torso. The faint chatter coming from the other side of the street was a weird contrast to their current situation.  “Rough night, night child?”

Orobas grinned, a feral and stretching smile at her tone. It wasn’t often he was walked up on, laughed at, and also not instantly repulsed. This was why the supernatural should always know one another, they didn’t belong to the world on the other side of this wall. No, they met in alleyways during a war, damaged and grinning. His body groaned in further displacement as he slowly leaned forward towards her smirking face, eyes dancing across the shape of her lips, down the tendon line of her neck with a subtle inhale to the sweet aroma. His arm dropped slowly against his will, weakness a frustrating bolt through his dead chest. “Slayer--” he whispered, a compulsive edge to his tone. “They wanted to cut me in half. Stay still for me-- hmm?” 

Both of Morelia’s eyes squinted as the other leaned in, another laugh escaping her. Vampires were such entitled creatures, thinking they could just swipe in with their godly looks and get their way. This was probably her closest encounter with one, and it would be a lie to say she wasn’t curious, but she wouldn’t budge. Not when she could get something in return. Her own hand found its way to the man’s chin. At least that part of his body wasn’t gruesome, giving her a proper grip. Lampades weren’t really known for being exceptionally strong, but she guessed in the state he was it would be enough to keep his eyes at the same level as hers, ready to use her maddening gaze in case of emergency. “Oh, no no no, honey.” She mumbled, her thumb softly tracing his cold skin, careful to not get it bitten. It was a dangerous game she was playing, and she was loving every single bit of it. “Didn’t your master teach you? Everything has a price.”

Orobas’ lips twitched in glee, though she listened and didn’t move, she was good with her words, and weaved her way into more. He loathed he was in such a weakened state, but equally he didn’t entirely feel in danger. His maker was close by, and Orobas didn’t have qualms about putting his fist into someone’s abdomen. But she was beautiful-- and she seemed to be having fun, and Orobas didn’t actually remember what those things felt like. So caught up in his bloodlust night after night. “My, my. You must be so bored with life,” he nipped at her fingers anyway, wanting just the smallest taste. The lightest nic would cut flesh. “To bother me... what do you want, hmm? Why pay a price, when I take what I want, when I want it? Are you so unfamiliar with that feeling? Do you pay a price to feed?”

Feeling the nibble on her finger made Morelia’s smile widen more, the tracing continuing just to toy with him a little longer, realizing that the temptation was eating him alive. He had a way with words, yet he had been so dumb by asking what she wanted. An unknowing deal like that thrilled her, making her heart pump in her chest in excitement. What a twist of fate, she’d left her hideout for a meal and found a banquet instead. “You should know better than to ask me that.” She mumbled, finally dropping her hand. The desire to ask for a favor in return, binding him perhaps for how long to her was tempting, but the moment the sound of mundane laughter hit her again, the fae had other plans for him. “A drop for a body.” A pause, as she gave it more thought, before fixing her hair so her neck was exposed. “A bite for this whole building turned into a graveyard.”

Without warning. Without a single response less the sinking of his gray, thin skin along the hallowed points of Orobas’ face. The red hue bled from iris into the whites of his eyes. The moment her neck exposed, his jaw unhinged in an unnatural way, teeth elongated and sharpened into fine points. He rushed forward with a feral crunch through the tough skin, muscle, and into the ridgid artery with a pressured hiss as heat and blood pulsed against the diamond sharp incisors. In this position not a drop spilled, not even into his mouth, the suction and draw held still. Here is where it could feel good, as he leaned forward, slipping his leg between her own, wrapped the hand with the dagger around the small of her back and bit down with a gentle grind and sucked. The shift bubbled the blood up from the wound warmly, a careful draw that slipped down his throat. Fae. He hummed, never entirely enjoying anything but human blood. That wasn’t the point was it? He would kill everyone in that tavern and drink his fill. His body healed enough to take the hazed edge of permanent death away from him, and as he pulled back enough to sedate his immediate need and bring strength to his stance. He pulled back only to lick the blood from her neck, nipping the edge of her jaw, until his mouth warm with rare breath whispered into her ear. “I’ll kill them for you.” 

The feeling of teeth tearing the skin of her neck was something Morelia never, not even in her wildest dreams, thought would happen. She was a proud fae, afterall, and being used by another species for a quick snack was a blow to her ego she thought she could never take away. But still, what was a quick sucking next to the flesh of dozens of people? Her own personal rules could be bended for such opportunity, for her own personal buffet. Still, despite her willingness to let him take her, she found herself groaning in pain from the initial bite; but slowly and steadily, a warm feeling washed over her, and she was shocked to realize she was utterly enjoying the situation in more ways than one should, relaxing to the point that her antlers were no longer hidden. The feeling of his hand against her lower back combined with whatever he was doing with his mouth made her let out a soft moan that was quickly muffled by her own hand flying to cover her mouth, embarrassment taking over her. Thankfully, he was done as fast as he had started, but she couldn’t contain the shaky breath that left her parted lips when he whispered in her ear. “Make it entertaining.” She mumbled back, heart racing as if she had run a marathon, before softly pushing him away to fix her hair, covering his marking. “I’ll be watching, night child.”

He leaned forward, slowly-- blood just tinted flush and brushed the softest kiss to her lips. “Hmm--” He stepped back when she pushed him away, taking in her antlers and fallen glamours, the flush, and the racing beat of her heart. Orobas dropped the cloak off his shoulders, his torso healed enough to be put together again, but the gash had ruined his shirt and showed still as a nasty open wound along his entire chest proving just what that slayer had wanted to do to him. His body groaned as it healed, black veins filled with life essence filtering through to reawaken cells, and revitalize his system. Orobas inhaled an unnecessary breath and exhaled as his red eyes reopened to look at her state and grinned. With a flip of his dagger he walked towards the open door. The business was rowdy, a dozen or so people singing and having fun, and Orobas walked into the establishment looking dangerous, without hiding his true face. The swell of panic was immediate, and something exciting crawled under his skin, the scent of fear perminating the space. Some humans grabbed at one another, but a few made to attack him and he grabbed the wrist of the first person, pulling them in to sink his fangs into their throat, he yanked back with his teeth deepin their artery as a gruesome splatter and chunk of flesh dropped with a plop on the ground. The blood sprayed everywhere, almost comically all over him, and the floor. Orobas laughed, blood slipping out between this teeth as the place exploded in screams. “Ah,” he shivered. “That slayer should have killed me-- this will be on her. I’ll make sure her family knows.”

It was fascinating, to say the least, watching how a vampire recovered after consuming some blood. Morelia had a smirk on her face as she mentally traced his black veins, wondering how they would feel under her touch, before giving him a wink and disappearing once more in the shadows to watch her little circus commence. The screaming and panic made her feel whole, and she almost felt like destiny had given her the wrong set of cards by making her a fae instead of a mara. It wasn’t on her books to let other people do the killing for her; finding her own nails filthy with dry blood after a spree was probably one of her disgusting, secret pleasures, but it somehow felt right to watch someone else do it for her. Although she supposed it wasn’t really for her, since he looked pretty into the whole murdering scene. Still, the lampade walked a short two minutes after him, glamour on once more and letting out a laugh as she leaned on the entrance door frame. “So vengeful.” She teased, looking around the room in hopes of feeling the presence of a spellcaster to get her own taste, but sadly all the present were insignificant, magicless humans. Her gaze meet with the eyes of a young woman, and with the appearance of a twisted grin, her eyes flashed bright for a second, making the human scream in fear. If the vampire didn’t slice her throat, her own maddened brain would kill her. “If you’d died, then we wouldn’t be having this amazing first date, hm?”

Orobas chuckled, feeling better, and alive in pleasure as the humans cowered. The word ‘date’ rolled around in his head, clearly not attuned to such a saying. His hand released the body where is collapsed with a hard thud on the ground. Orobas walked forward towards the table, and the people ran on the other side, a few braver screamed at him to ‘stay back! Monster!!’ but Orobas only dragged his blade along the table, carving a long line into it. One frozen in fear near the ground trembled, and Orobas lowered himself, petting their cheek. His gaze bore into her mind, a nudge of compulsion that settled deeply into her mind Pressing his bloody fingerprints into her cheeks and squeezing her face. “Go out in the streets, shout the Park family is to cause for this slaughter. Tell everyone you know it to be true.” She nodded and ran out the door. Without a seconds more delay, Orobas attacked everyone, a scream filled horror show as people tried to climb out of the windows, only to be pulled back inside and meet their end. He was healed afterwards from drinking plenty, though exhausted from the entire night. Standing in the middle of the tavern, surrounded in bodies, his blade dripping to the ground, and his eyes on the other. Orobas grinned, closing his eyes and savoring. “Mhm--”

Morelia found herself watching the scene in deep awe, not doing much to contribute other than moving slightly from the door to let the human run out of it, and a perfectly arched eyebrow was raised in surprise. Letting someone go wasn’t technically part of their deal, but she supposed one body wouldn’t really make a difference when her system could only manage to eat one. And oh, there were tons, her feet moving her through the bloody room until she was sitting on one of the few tables left standing. Had this happened a century later, she would’ve felt like a Harley Quinn meeting her own personal Joker, but for now, she just wanted to take him to the front line so she --- no, so they could continue feasting. But of course, she only stared, letting out a laugh every now and then when someone tried to run away from him, letting him have all the fun he seemed to be having, and all the blood he so desperately needed. Vampires and fae didn’t really mix well together. Once the slaughter was over, Morelia jumped down from her seat, looking down at the nearest corpse. Any would do, but she’d just wait for him to leave to eat. “You did good.” She mumbled, approaching him. She stood next to him, curiosity still radiating from her body as she once more traced her finger over his lips, wondering if he’d try to bite again. “Thank you.”

Did she need such a show? Was this all a little clever fae game? Did she even know that he was immortal and could spend eternity seeking her out again? Orobas didn’t often run into the fae, but he knew enough to always find himself curious about them. “The slayer family’s last name is Park. They will hear about it, learn their daughter died, know I did this as a warning. But if you wish, so wish-- you can chase after her,” he nipped her fingers again, but also grabbed her hand with his, threading this own with hers, and kissed the palm. “In a few days and finish her.” He chuckled at her thank you. “You’re welcome. Tell me your name.” 

“There’s no need for that.” And it was true, despite everything. The last thing Morelia needed right now (or ever) was unwanted attention as it only made it more difficult for her to feed. It was doubtful that the human would remember her face, but paying a visit would only refresh her mind. “I’m sure you’ll cross paths with her again and finish your work.” She laced her fingers with his, mostly to take his mouth away from from her wrist. For some reason, she trusted him enough to share this unexpected intimacy; but she wouldn’t be a fool and let him near her blood again. “Thought you’d never ask. I’m Morelia. What is yours?”

“Orobas--” The name, however, didn’t come from the man in front of her, but the looming presence behind them. The voice filled with concern, jealousy, and frustration, enough to make Orobas chuckle darkly and look over at his maker. The vampire standing there looked to be in their twenties, beautiful with a boyish charm to them and seemed not be phased by the mess. “We’re leaving.” Orobas nodded, “okay--” he left her fingers with one last kiss, before he walked away, waving lightly while he did. “Be seeing you again, Morelia--” 

[missjosie27]

Character Profile: David Grant

Decided to update formally David’s info. Thank you @hogwartsmysterystory for the template. Actual pic of MC to follow!

HPHM Profile

Age 17

Identity

Name: David John Grant

Gender: Male

Age: 11-17 throughout the series

Birth Date: January 16th, 1973

Species: Human

Blood Status: Pure-Blood

Sexuality: Straight

Alignment: Neutral Good

Ethnicity: Caucasian (white)

Nationality: British

Residence: Bath, England (U.K.)

Myer Briggs Personality Type: ESFP

  The Mage

1st Wand: Blackthorn, 10 inches, unicorn hair

2nd Wand: Ebony, 11 ¾ inches, dragon heartstring

Animagus: N/A

Misc Magical Abilities: Legilimens, Occlumens, Expert Dueler, Master of Transfiguration

Boggart Form: Voldemort standing over the dead body of his brother

Riddikulus Form: Overweight Voldemort slipping on a banana peel and falling on his ass

Amortentia: Fresh laundry, morning dew, citrus shampoo

Amortentia: nail polish, cloves, a British garden, something elusive (aka Merula)

Patronus: A Grizzly Bear (will sometimes appear as a blackbird when alongside his wife)

Patronus Memory: A memory of Jacob expressing brotherly love and will always be there for him

Mirror of Erised: His family whole and happy again, later on this includes Merula by his side holding his hand

Specialized/Favourite Spells: Reducto, Melofors Jinx (pumpkin head), Protegus Maximus (will stop most dark curses except the Unforgivables),

  Appearance

Faceclaim: young Tom Delonge from blink-182

Height: 6’1

Weight: 170 pounds

Physique: lean

Eye Colour: hazel-blue

Hair Colour: dark brown

Skin Tone: fair

Body Modifications: none

Scarring: plenty when he’s an auror but none while at Hogwarts

Inventory: wand, guitar pick, picture of Merula, holster, pack of gum, and a watch

  Allegiances 

Hogwarts House: Gryffindor

Ilvermorny House: Wampus

Affiliations/Organizations: Hogwarts Alumni, Auror Office, Department of Magical Law Enforcement, Official Guns N’ Roses fan club, ally of the Order of the Phoenix, The British Commonwealth

Professions: Auror, vigilante

  Hogwarts Information

Class Proficiencies:

·        Astronomy: 4/10 (P)

·        Charms: 5/10 (A)

·        DADA: 9/10 (O)

·        Flying: 7/10 (E)

·        Herbology: 8/10 (E)

·        History of Magic: 3/10 (D)

·        Potions: 7/10 (E)

·        Transfiguration: 10/10 (O)

Electives: Care of Magical Creatures (later switches to Divination), Ancient Runes

Quidditch: Plays beater during years 6 and 7 at the behest of Charlie Weasley

Extra Curricular: Gryffindor Quidditch Team , Weird Sisters Fan Club, Dueling Club

Favorite Professors: Minerva McGonagall, Filius Flitwick, Pomona Sprout, Bill Weasley (temporary fill in)

Least Favorite Professors: Professor Binns

  Relationships

Brother: Jacob Elias Grant

-Three years older than David (b. late 1969)

-Fair complexion

-medium brown hair

-Blue eyes

-Also a legilimens

-5’9 in height

-Jacob Grant is a brave, bold, but extraordinarily reckless wizard who let his obsession with finding the cursed vaults cost him his education and family. As a youth, he was fun loving and often played with his young brother three years, teaching him many things. His disappearance was felt severely by the Grant family, especially after it was rumored Jacob went mad and joined Voldemort. This latter accusation proved to be untrue, but when he is released from the portrait vault, he is severely changed by the experience and slightly unhinged, dead set in seeking revenge on Rakepick and R.

 Father: John Grant

-b. 1945 at the end of WW2

-sons inherited his very dark brown hair

-slightly ruddy faced

-hazel eyes

-six feet tall, well built

-works in the Department of Magical Cooperation, one of the envoys to the United States

-John Grant is a competent, reasonable wizard of fair judgement and sound mind. One of the reasons he was chosen to become an envoy was due to his exceptional ability to reason with people and engage them in compromise or mutually beneficial deals. Relations with the United States have improved remarkably under his tenure after tensions during the first British Civil War. However, in the absence of his eldest son he has become somewhat withdrawn and tired, speaking very little on anything besides work or sports. Currently in a strained marriage, John knows his wife is slowly getting worse but he does not have the means to calm or assuage her, causing further stress on him.

 Mother: Elizabeth Grant (nee MacMillan)

-b. 1947

-blonde hair

-blue eyes (Jacob inherited this)

-considered one of the most attractive witches during her time at Hogwarts

-5’5 and thin

-runs her own tea shop in London

-Elizabeth Grant was once a good natured, enthusiastic, driven young witch who loved her sons and her family. Originally hailing from the Macmillan clan, her stable upbringing did not spoil her as it did with other wealthy families such as the Malfoys. She possesses a high energy and entrepreneurial spirit when at her best and combined with her natural maternal instincts made for a very fine tea shop which she runs in the heart of London, serving wizard and muggle alike. Losing Jacob, however, caused Elizabeth to turn for the worse. Blaming herself for the incident that led to him disappearing, she raised David in a far stricter environment, never allowing him twenty feet outside the house unless it was a family gathering. Over the years, she has become more high strung and controlling due to her fear, something that David comes to heavily resent and even despise as he grows into his teen years.

 Love Interest: Merula Snyde

-In the beginning to mention the name ‘David Grant’ around Merula would usually result in the nearest object being thrown at your head. As a complicated, angry child of locked up Death Eaters, she saw David as a target to try and torment, but when he wouldn’t back down or take her seriously, it only served to infuriate her more.

-From then on, Merula would always try to sabotage David’s efforts to find the vaults (or do anything to make his life difficult), seeking to find their power for herself. But time and again she was thwarted by him and his growing group of friends while she found herself increasingly alone. Her incessant need for attention yet unwillingness to treat anyone with kindness wore thin on the rest of her peers very quickly. For his part, David thought nothing of Merula, dismissing her as a power-hungry, petulant brat who he wanted as far away as possible.

-This didn’t change until year 4, when Merula first starts to make an effort to alter her previous ways, beginning to question what her parents had taught her.

-In a strange way, they begin to challenge each other. David assists her in learning the Patronus Charm while she helps him in facing off against an angry Centaur. When spooked and tricked by a mysterious hooded figure, Merula tells him not to give up his search and to keep going. The true turning point is when they go to the ball together, which is where the seed of true feelings starts to blossom. By the end of the semester both develop crushes on the other.

-The begin to informally, then formally date during Year 5. After the events of the portrait vault, Merula becomes withdrawn and angry once more and David, emotionally unstable himself, can’t handle it causing them to break up. However, after some serious soul searching, David is able to convince her to try again and this time they both make concerted efforts to be more communicative and supportive.

-By the end of Hogwarts, they are happily in love and end up marrying in 1996.

 Best Friends: Charlie Weasley, Penny Haywood

Rival: Merula Snyde (formerly), Ismelda Murk

Enemy: Patricia Rakepick, R, Death Eaters

Dormmates: Rowan Khanna, Ben Copper, Charlie Weasley, Jae Kim

Pets: None

Closest Canon Friends: Charlie Weasley, Penny Haywood, Rowan Khanna, Ben Copper, Tulip Karasu, Nymphadora Tonks, Barnaby Lee, Andre Egwu

Closest MC Friends: None yet but hoping to make some!

  Background/History

·        David lived a rather blissful existence in his first eight years of life. His parents were happily married, lived comfortably and he idolized his brother beyond measure. However, that changed dramatically after Jacob’s disappearance and unable to understand what had happened, David felt it was somehow his fault that he no longer saw his older brother. Unbeknownst to him, both his mother and father blamed themselves as well, causing a strain in their marriage and his next three years before Hogwarts to become bleak and uneventful.

·        Upon arrival at the famed school of witchcraft and wizardry, David developed a wisecracking, sarcastic, yet talented reputation as a wizard full of precociousness and intelligence. He saw Hogwarts as an opportunity to see something new and different. Though he had been warned not to try and find Jacob or resume his mission to find the vaults, David, through events outside of his control was slowly drawn into the search himself, the aching to see his brother too strong to ignore.

·        As more curses are broken and his reputation increases, David begrudgingly accepts his resident position of ‘curse-breaker’, something he sees as insignificant compared to finding his brother. However, as his curse breaking becomes more prominent, so do other aspects of his personality- his cockiness, vanity, wit, and his overall skill as a wizard. He joins the dueling club and quickly establishes himself as one of the best in the school.

·        Through it all, David also continues to harbor a guilt complex regarding his brother which turns to anger and frustration after he finds Jacob in the portrait vault only to witness just how unstable he is. This, along with numerous events in Year 6 lead David to reevaluate and later reinvent himself, defeating R and later helping his broken family to become whole again.

·        David becomes an Auror after graduation, being formally inducted in 1994 along with Tonks. He later marries Merula Snyde two years later. Though he does not join the Order, he is willing to look the other way and even assist Moody and Tonks in order to help their cause.

·        The second British Civil War is a tumultuous, traumatic period for David. Merula is kidnapped by her parents (recently released from Azkaban) and he has no idea where to find her. When the Ministry falls, David immediately resigns from his job and becomes an international vigilante/bounty hunter, scrapping a living off hits and capturing wanted witches and wizards. His travels take him to New York, Normandy, Berlin, and even Russia, but each target he seeks bears his mission in mind: to find his wife.

·        David locates Merula and manages to set her free during the Battle of Hogwarts. As it turned out, she was gang pressed into servicing Voldemort and though she is forced to do his bidding, secretly undermines the Death Eaters in small pivotal ways that ended up being crucial for the light side. As a favor to David and due to testimony from Lucius Malfoy, Merula is spared Azkaban by Minister Shacklebolt. Both of their internal wounds take time to heal, so they end up renewing their vows and resume building their life together.

·        By the year 2005, he and his wife are happily married once more and have three small children.

 Personality

·        David is a wisecracking, sarcastic, witty person who uses humor as a defense mechanism in his early days at Hogwarts but later takes on a life of its own. He is openly friendly and outgoing, enjoying the company of people he considers to be his friends, though he will turn serious when needed.

·        He is a bold person who has perfected the art of setting aside fear in favor of decisive, even spontaneous action as needed. He is not a glory seeker like some in his house, but he has no trouble showing bravery and even a defiance of the rules when deemed necessary.

·        David has a naturally caring side and is often a good listener when one of his friends has a problem that needs to be talked out or solved. He is slow to anger and though he gives little regard to subjects he hates, succeeds academically in his strong areas.

·        On the flip side, David has a vain, cocky streak, especially when it comes to his natural talents. Due to lack of warmth at home and from Merula, he can become quite lustful when it comes to girls.

·        David’s temper is a combination of his parents. It’s difficult to provoke him, but if one does, his anger locks him into steely-eyed, cold blooded rage that is not pleasant to witness.

·        Finally, David harbors a guilt complex and will gladly focus and deflect to something else when pressed about his personal problems. It is partially for this reason he is such a good listener to his friends, as it distracts him from inner feelings of shame, hurt, and anger.

  Misc (will be continually updated)

·        During Frog Choir auditions, Tulip encouraged him to sing a muggle rock song to impress Flitwick and it was ‘Every Rose Has Its Thorn’ by Poison. After the Weird Sisters cover it during the Celestial Ball, combined with Merula’s newfound love for muggle music, David becomes an enthusiastic lover of all things rock and roll. Tonks even lends him a few CDs to listen to in his spare time and he buys more than a few on his own time.

·        David and Merula become so enamored with rock music, one of their favorite pastimes is going to concerts together. His favorite band is Guns N’ Roses while hers is Motley Crue (Merula’s favorite song is ‘Girls, Girls, Girls’).

·        David is ticklish underneath the armpits and hates it when people do so.

·        Though not close, Talbot and David have a mutual understanding where they assist each other from time to time.

·        Jae once switched his pumpkin juice for one filled with belch powder and caused such a ruckus that Filch thought he had set off a dungbomb.

·        Believe it or not, Merula was not David’s first. That honor belongs to Tulip, who became his ‘friends with benefits’ buddy for a period of time.

·        Penny Haywood was technically his first crush and kissed her once, though the stars never aligned for them to date.

·        David is a good singer but Merula in his opinion, has the voice of an angel.

·        He is not bad on a broom and becomes much better at flying with his ascension to beater.

·        Fred and George Weasley can alternate between fun and a huge thorn in his side. There constant pranking and mischief gives him headaches, as he is supposed to be their prefect. They make up for it, however, by showing him secret passageways they find and tip him off to what they know. David never figures out how they seem to avoid trouble all the time.

·        He develops a fondness for a pint during his later Hogwarts years and Aberforth will sometimes comp him.

·        During year 5, Tonks and Tulip decide to throw a raging party before the OWLs which brings some….interesting results.

·        Saw his first concert- Aerosmith when he was 16 years old and caught a pick flung into the crowd by Joe Perry (he cheated by using a silent ‘accio’)

·        David is an avid Quidditch fan and loves rooting for the English national team during the World Cup.

·        During third year, David once helped the Weird Sisters put on a secret concert in the middle of the training grounds. However, some of the magical enhanced effects and fireworks got out of hand, resulting in the Professors finding out and punishment for the band.

·        Once blew the biggest bubble with droobles gum (Fred Weasley later popped it).

·        During his third year, David’s pants somehow caught fire from a Fire Crab, and ever since will not even so much as touch a magical creature. Merula also never fails to remind him about it.

·        Merula will wear a bow for David when the two are out on private dates together as she secretly likes them but hates the idea of anyone making fun of her for it.

[crystalelemental]

FE Fates Replay - Part 5

I was having such a good time.  And then...

Chapter 9 starts out with Corrin returning successful from her mission to suppress the Ice Tribe’s rebellion.  Even Garon is impressed, and makes some hesitant comments about being proud of her.  Honestly, this is the Garon I want.  The one that’s slightly unhinged, but generally does care about the well-being of his children.  You know.  The one with any level of complexity at all.  For a moment all is well, until Iago decides to be the way that he is and announces that Corrin didn’t do it alone as commanded.  Xander’s response here is kinda funny.  “That’s really shitty, Iago, even for your slimy ass.”  Or something to that effect.  Anyway, Garon’s slightly miffed, but let’s it go because damn, she did a real good job on suppressing the rebellion without taking lives.  Again, the Garon with some level of complexity.  Instead of just murder man, he commends her specifically for not taking life in the suppression, which would be cool if that mentality of “not taking life in the conflict is a good thing.”  Shame about the way this game handles villains.

You’re immediately given another assignment: go to...uh...shit.  I can’t remember how to spell the place.  Basically, he wants you to go capture a territory.  Chapter 9 involves going through a fortress that’s the remains of a dragon, which is held by the Hoshidans.  This is a fairly fun chapter.  Not too difficult.  Mostly Effie and Silas carry the day.  You also recruit Azura and Nyx, making this the best recruitment chapter so far!  I really like both of them.  It’s a shame that Nyx is at level 9 when you get her.  Her stats are, uh...pretty terrible.  Okay, really terrible.  Skill, Luck, and Defense are all abysmal, with Magic and Speed being her only worthwhile stats.  They wouldn’t be as bad if she showed up a few levels lower, but at level 9, a lot of her stat spread is unsalvageable without stat boosting items.  Which means if you’re gonna use her, you have to invest.  And I absolutely intend to use her.

The map is your standard Seize map, after clearing everyone out, so not much to report on in terms of combat.  After the fight, Azura explains that she’s stuck here because the Hoshidans, wary after Corrin’s decision, turned on her too and had her locked up here.  So I guess that proves I made the right call.  So much for family, am I right?  Fuck Hoshido.  Azura instantly joins up with you, since she’s got nowhere else to go.  As for Nyx, just to give a bit of info on her, she’s apparently a really old magic user who, for reasons unknown, is in the body of a child.  Honestly, if it weren’t for her outfit, she’d be perfect.  She’s sassy and fun, and admittedly I like her hair.

Chapter 10 has the group arrive in some port town looking for passage to this territory they’re to take.  At first, it’s assumed this port will be safe, but unfortunately for them, it’s now crawling with Hoshidans.  Fortunately for me, Takumi is leading the charge, meaning it’s finally time to kick his ass.  He goes on about Corrin being a traitor and all that, but what’s interesting is he mentions that some Hoshidans took Azura away, and that Ryoma was worried about her.  He wasn’t, obviously, but what’s neat to me is that the eneimes from last chapter were apparently in active defiance of Ryoma, who is essentially their king now that the old queen is dead.  At the very least, the Hoshidans are very disorganized.  So that’s funny.  Good job, idiots.

Honestly?  This is my favorite chapter so far.  I mentioned last time, I think, but while the developers of this game were insistent that Awakening’s weak point was its story (don’t ask how one can be so out of touch, I don’t know either), its actual weak point is mostly its maps.  It’s been a while since I’ve fully played Awakening, but I remember about 90% of it being “route the enemy,” with very little else aside from standard Seize and Defeat the Boss.  There aren’t too many weird conditions or gimmicks.  Fates, at least on the Conquest route, has given some more interesting stuff.  This one in particular is really fun.  You’re defending the territory, so you have four squares at the far north of the map, where your units start, that the enemy can’t reach.  If they do, you lose.  To help out, you get a bunch of ranged weapons near your position to help weaken, but not KO, foes.  There are also a lot of homes around the area that you can access to get some items.  Naturally, as with any defending map, there are tons of reinforcements.  What really makes the map interesting to me is that, so far, we’ve been using a lot of Dragon Veins.  Allegedly.  I don’t use them that often.  They’re not always as helpful as they think.  But in this map, Takumi activates one, and dries up all the water, allowing the enemies to traverse around the paths you’ve been defending.  It’s incredibly frustrating, but a neat surprise that the map pulls to make your attempts at defense even harder.  I know for me, I had spread out my units by this point.  We’d managed to put a dent in their forces and were alerting the houses and trying to push south.  But as soon as that happened, a bunch of reinforcements came in.  The only one who could continue to move forward was Dragon Corrin.  Everyone else had to start back-tracking to defend.

Chapter 10 also introduces three new units to our party.  In order of least to greatest importance, we first have Beruka, one of Camilla’s retainers.  She’s quiet and doesn’t talk much, but honestly was pretty funny in her debut.  Selena, or Severa for those of us who played Awakening, is the same as she ever was, so you kind of expect her to tease Corrin about being heartless for not remembering them, but Beruka joining in was pretty good.  Speaking of, Selena’s the other character who joins, and just like as Severa, she’s a lot of fun.  She’s a bit more mellow here, if only slightly.  A little more in tune with herself, perhaps?  Then we have Camilla.  She arrives, and is surprisingly intense about murdering dudes.  Almost a bit Faye-like, only instead of the love of Alm, it’s for the love of her sister.  It’s a bit disconcerting, frankly.  I go back and forth on really liking Camilla and really disliking her.  They just go a bit too heavy on some of her more intense traits, you know?

The map is pretty tough, but Corrin and Azura wound up kicking Takumi’s ass no sweat.  In fact, I first had Corrin do it, and then with save states thanks to Casual, went back and had Azura finish him instead.  Both of their dialogue reveals about what you’d expect.  Takumi’s just a butthurt baby.  After you win, he whines about Corrin’s betrayal again, and then gets a migraine or something and fucks off.  This is one of those “Camilla is great” moments, because as Takumi is throwing insults as Corrin, Camilla just goes “What a rude boy.  Perhaps I should beat some manners into him...”  Corrin stops her and says no violence, but we really should’ve allowed it.  Takumi mentions the Rainbow Sage, which is apparently our objective that I don’t think anyone has mentioned until now.  He says Ryoma got the blessing so it’s all over for you fuckers now.  Camilla lets us know that it’s fine, Xander also got the blessing ages ago, so the Hoshidans are really just one step behind.  Though depending on time frame of Xander getting this blessing, this would mean that Ryoma could potentially be considered stronger, based on them being “even” in Chapter 6.  Though in fairness, my run involved Xander immediately getting a crit and taking Ryoma out in one shot.  So that was fucking hilarious.

Chapter 11, we finally arrive in this territory.  We meet a nice lady who tells us about the dangers of the mountain the sage lives on, and that he’s been taken captive by the Hoshidans.  Corrin naturally hurries to his rescue, and the fight is on!  This time, it’s against Hinoka.  The map itself is alright?  It kinda forces you to take two separate paths and gets a little cluttered, but not too bad.  Azama is, without question the worst part of this map.  Staves don’t count as a weapon, so his special ability means you continuously take counter damage equal to what you deal to him, and he has some bullshit Hexlock Staff that cuts the HP of anyone hit by it to half for the remainder of the map.  It’s such garbage.  Thankfully, Jakob is very fast, so haha, idiot.  I did get special dialogue with Hinoka, though.  Camilla is just...so incredibly petty here.  “She’s my sister now, you lose, bitch.”  The amount of pettiness on display is unreal.  Corrin, by comparison, actually has a pretty touching conversation.  Hinoka seems to understand Corrin’s resolve, and doesn’t really pressure her the way the others did.  She’s not happy with Corrin’s decision at all, but ultimately accepts Corrin’s decision and lives with it.  This automatically makes Hinoka the best Hoshidan sibling in my book.  I don’t regret siding against the others, but I do regret siding against her.

After the battle, Hinoka recognizes they need to retreat, and makes a comment about gathering their dead later.  She is then informed that there are no dead, only wounded.  Corrin gave the command to not kill anyone in this fight, and announces that she wants to end the war peacefully, without bloodshed if possible.  Hinoka is taken aback, but flees quickly after.  Kaze, however, remains behind to speak with Corrin.  He’s impressed by her devotion to peace, and pledges loyalty to her.  Another new ally!  And a ninja at that!

We meet the Rainbow Sage, who activates something with Yato.  He tells us to seek out the Nohrians who will activate the blade’s true power and awaken it as Grim Yato, the ultimate blade of darkness or whatever!  Given that we already have two Nohrian siblings, I wonder who the two we need could be.  Honestly, I’ve been holding on to this complaint, but now’s a good time: it’s bullshit that the female siblings don’t get unique weapons.  Xander and Leo get unique, powerful weapons, as do Ryoma and Takumi.  But the sisters?  They have to make do with generic weapons.  That’s such utter horseshit, and frankly, kinda sexist.

Immediately after this, Iago shows up and again, decides to be the way he is.  Garon gave a command to kill the sage.  Corrin outright refuses, stating the obvious: Ryoma already got the power, we’re not preventing anyone important from getting it because everyone already has said blessing, you’re doing this for nothing.  The Rainbow Sage thanks Corrin for wanting to spare his life, but proclaims it was time for him to die anyway and just dies out on the spot.  So I guess Mission Successful?  Weird.

I was gonna cut here, as the natural end to a particular thread of the game, but I’m kinda having fun, so let’s keep going.  Chapter 12!  Elise takes ill from a weird virus thing in that territory, and we need to find help!  Garon gives another command, specifically, to go to this one place for rest and relaxation.  Oddly kind.  It also turns out this place is the medical hub of the world, so suspiciously fortuitous.  They group hurries there and fucking surprise, there are Hoshidans everywhere.  Led by Ryoma.  Amazing.  Corrin begs him to let her pass, telling him about Elise’s condition.  He offers the trade: Corrin comes with him, and they’ll let her pass without a fight.  Corrin, of course, refuses.  As she should.  Listen, I get that it’s war, but by now they know what Corrin’s about.  She’s aimed to prevent the death of their soldiers in every battle.  They know she’s shown mercy where protecting life is concerned.  So what does Ryoma do?  Insist on fighting, potentially allowing Elise to die.  Bastard.

Thankfully we get reinforcements in the nick of time, in the form of-oh fuck me.  Laslow, listen.  You’re cool.  I’m glad you’re here.  I liked Inigo too.  But Peri.  Motherfucking Peri.  She is the worst character in the entire series for me.  There’s no question.  Not even a close second.  Even Tharja doesn’t come close, because some of Tharja’s supports were at least endearing in some way.  Peri is just a little sociopath who can’t shut the fuck up about murder.  Xander, where the fuck did you find her, and why is she not in jail?  I honestly feel it’s hypocritical to complain about Hans when you hired Peri on purpose, you asshat.  Honestly, for your belief in doing right by people and wanting to protect others, I cannot believe you thought putting Peri in charge of anything was a good call.  This is actively a blemish on your record.

Fuck, I can’t do this now.  I can’t deal with Peri.  We were having such a good day, then this little freak-ass gremlin shows up and prattles on about stabface of whatever the fuck, and now I’m just angry.  I’ll deal with her later.

[hereticaloracles]

Astrology in Action: Mac, Arianna and Pete

Helios on this clusterfuck of a love triangle– Okay, so before we dive in here, a couple disclaimers: 1) I don’t care about any of these people- I hate celebrity culture 2) Substance abuse issues and mental illness are real problems, and people deal with them in different ways 3) There are no martyrs in this story, only victims and 4) Dear god, I’m officially old- these idiots are all younger than me and wildly more successful. *sigh*

Basically, the story goes like this- Mac Miller (L) and Ariana (R) were dating. Ariana leaves Mac for various reasons, partially due to his substance abuse problems and generally not being a great boyfriend to her. The man had mental issues. Obviously we don’t see the whole picture unless we are literally in the relationship BUT when you have one person who is running into light poles because hes driving drunk and the whole thing is playing out for the tabloids to see we can put the pieces together. When Ariana leaves Mac she gets a LOT of backlash, being accused of abandoning her man when he needs her most, and she claps back hard, saying “I am not a babysitter or a mother and no woman should feel that they need to be. I have cared for him and tried to support his sobriety & prayed for his balance for years (and always will of course) but shaming/blaming women for a man’s inability to keep his sh** together is a very major problem.” and honestly I want that to be the main takeaway before we dive further and break this down- Ariana was right to leave and NO ONE should ever feel like you are obligated to stay with someone just because of what they might do if you leave. As someone who has stayed for the wrong reasons, don’t repeat my mistakes.

VERY shortly after the breakup, Ariana starts dating Pete Davidson (below), and we were all like WTF, why? How? Wha…? Okay? Cool? I guess? It was inexplicable and weird. They get engaged after like a week, prompting more incredulity. Things start coming out like Ari saying that Pete has a footlong cock or something ridiculous like that and Mac further spirals. This all takes place in the public eye, again. After this, we are entering more murky territory and for reasons of his own, Mac Miller overdoses in an apparent suicide; recent gossip (yesterday, at time of writing) has it that Pete Davidson exacerbated this by sending explicit pics and videos of him and Ariana to Mac, gloating in his sexual dominance. Now, this was most likely not the only reason things played out the way that they did, however it did lead Ariana to break off her engagement to Pete after she found out.

So, that gives me the final piece to put the pieces of this love triangle together, and identify it as a clear playing out of the story of Nessus, Heracles and Dejanira; a fatal centaurian love triangle. I highly recommend that you read the articles before continuing….. Got it? Good. Now, as I said above, there are no martyrs in this story, but there are victims. Lets look at the charts- First, Mac’s. So this is a ROUGH chart, not one I would wish on anyone. He LOATHED the spotlight yet at the same time had an intense internal pressure to pursue it. Full moon charts are always trying to live out their lives within the boundaries of others, and often times go overboard on this. He felt like this was his path to emotional security, and feeling love. Imagine feeling so unloved that you need to seek it from millions of people all at once…. Hell I actually don’t need to imagine that, I absolutely understand that. Now, unfortunately for Mac any pursuit of his ego needs and creative drives brought him face to face with his personal demons, and was living in a hell that he wouldn’t let anyone in on for fear of being rejected. Something big was up, and I’m going to go with deep sexual issues and insecurities there. Now all of them have major buildups in Cancer-Capricorn (mostly Capricorn) so the question comes up for them: How long are you going to last in my life? They are both the ask and the answer for each. If I had been Macs astrologer I would have absolutely recommend that he focus more on making beats, producing and not worrying about the fame or headlining a tour, or anything Solar. He also had a Superman complex in his own mind but to others that most likely didn’t translate, causing more problems when he truly cared about people and wanted to DO for them and show his love. He was ill-equipped to actually do so healthily, but in his own mind he was a hero.

Now, this brings us to Ariana. Easily the Dejanira in the story, she is not exactly innocent. As the one we have a birth time for and the “prize” for these immature boys, her chart is crucial. For starters, Pluto is bearing down on her ascendant and that will be ROUGH for her. Shes feeling it now but its honestly only going to get worse. Second of all, everything she does is a persona. She is cold and calculating, but not at all unfeeling. She WANTS to feel like a prize, something fought over- because internally she struggles with her own value. Additionally, her type is psycho. She attracts those who already have mental issues because they’re easier to manipulate. She likes keeping these men as her prizes and being prized by them, but also keeping the game going and keeping them unbalanced. That being said, it is clear that she did care for both of these men, and wants things to work out- but on HER terms, not theirs. She is willing to sacrifice them for her own happiness and honestly I respect that in her. There is a ruthless streak in this woman and she works every weapon she has- underestimate her at your own peril. That being said, you can only control the game so long….

Enter Pete. Whew buddy, this goddamn chart. Christ… Yes, there is SEVERE mental issues on display here (which he has NEVER denied, in fact he is very vocal about his issues, which leads to more visibility which helps others) but holy hell the darkness in this man… He gets off on gaslighting his partners and keeping them in the dark as to his true nature.  He is radically unhinged, controlling, manipulative, toxic, radically impulsive and I honestly don’t think he can even experience love. As in I don’t believe that he lets it pierce his heart, he is trying so desperately to control himself when he wants to just unleash his full crazy- and one day he’ll stop holding himself back.  That’s a definite. And what’s more, he relishes when he loses control. Like, he REVELS in his crazy. This chart is DANGEROUS. Like… woof. Jung would have a field day with him. He despises that he has to control himself and despises society for making him feel inadequate for his brain chemistry. He despises all of us as well, and thinks we judge him too harshly (which, I mean… okay we do).

Its easy to paint these people with broad strokes using their charts, but the truth of the matter is that we’re all more than our charts. Its our choices that matter, not our placements. And while you could say that Pete is the Nessus to Mac’s Heracles, the truth is they have the signature for both archetypes within them, and both are foils of each other. Ariana’s Dejanira is pulling both of their strings but Pete is FAR better at the game than she is, and is willing to flip the board over to win, while she is not. Mac was struggling and was willing to do whatever it took to make the pain stop, while the other two are not (as of yet). I will not cast Mac as a hero because honestly he would have wanted to be cast as a martyr when he doesn’t deserve it. Pete is more than an anime villain, but goddamn is he broken. These are three very immature and very broken people who were all wrong for each other, but their collision burned hot and bright for all of us to see- Not to mention it makes a hell of a story. Venus Retrograde brought out the truth and this all happened under her shadow, as she walked the Via Combusta. This is her story, and it is the retelling of a much older tale, of love gone sour.

Love better. Live better. Set yourself free from toxic love, no matter how much it hurts to purge yourself or what it costs you. The alternative is *waves hands at the train wreck of these three children* THIS.

Astrology in Action: Mac, Arianna and Pete was originally published on Heretical Oracles

[sexygarbage]

1:20am

Have I written about how I realized that I have a hometown murder???! I recently finished every episode of MFM that isn’t a live show and isn’t a minisode. So, now I’m going down the list of minisodes. Which, are just as entertaining, if not more so than the good ol fashioned shows. And every time I hear these hometown murders I am like so jelous that I don’t have a story to tell! I mean, people are writing about close encounters with famous serial killers or even unknown killers. Or like not even murder related but touching and thoughtful or about ghosts or the super natural. And I wanna be featured on it so bad. I was listening to them talk about a mother who had murdered her own baby or something and how it’s the lowest of the low in prison if you’re a mother who murdered your baby. And then it all came back to me. I had a middle school/high school friend named Barbara Ramirez Sufuentes who drowned her two twin babies in her bathtub like 4 years ago!!!!!!!!! I honestly thing I repressed this memory because at the time, she had started posting more on her facebook about them and also she had commented on a depressing instagram picture I posted of a bb gun to my head. She was like “are you okay? guns are kinda serious” And then she straight up murdered her two twin daughters!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! At the time, I just could not believe it. It was a numbing time, a depressing time. Me and Barbara had fallen out of touch. It was weird of her to even ask me anything about myself because we had not spoken for years. So, I’m sure at the time I just repressed it. I wasn’t into true crime shit just then. And when I was listening to MFM I re-remembered. I wrote to them but I doubt that it will get read because sometimes I feel as if I have to dumb myself down a little bit and I probably did that in the email, causing it to probably be boring and I don’t think it would make the cut :/ 

But! It was interesting to re-remember something from my past. Barbara was like one of those girls who were super intimidating and like really pushy. And you kinda just had to feed into their delusions in order to maintain peace you know. There was something about her that was always a little unhinged, or like off... I always thought that... which is why I wasn’t so committed to staying friends with her after middle school yanno. But upon my research, she was arrested on mothers day and she claimed it was a horrible accident. She started the twins bath and was listening to music very loudly and the next thing she knew they were dead... She was also seen smiling when she got arrested! She was found guilty and is serving a 6 year prison sentence. People in the fb comments were heavily debating. A lot veer into the side of it just being a crazy accident and then some people are too ragefilled about it. Also upon researching, I discovered a prison penpals website where she wrote an ad seeking friends while she was in prison. And it was very strangely written, she only said she was in prison for a crime that was due to recklessness on her part and that she hadn’t done anything wrong before that. She also used a lot of quotes and named the bands she listened to... It just seems so creepy to me. Because with all the red flags, it’s so obvious that she totally killed her babies and it was not an accident. But this was a girl I basically grew up with!! We might have even had a sleepover or she at least came to my house once or twice!! She was someone that I knew. Someone that I had study hall with, someone that influenced me as a kid and she totally fuckin murdered her own children!!!!!!! I mean, it’s crazy when I think about it now. Now that I am so invested in crazy shit like this and have heard so many fucked up stories. And the thing that baffles me is that when you’re in school, it feels already like a prison. And everyone around you can bond over the fact that you are all pretty much miserable. And Barbara was def not a student who stayed out of trouble. She was always in trouble. She was fuckin crazy! School is like baby prison. Prison is like real life adult serious prison!!!!!! Like, murderers, rapists, unfathomable, unforgivable crimes is where prison is! And I already empathize way more than I need to so when I realize the legitamcy of it all, it fuckin freaks me out. Ofc I didn’t write anything as poignant and personal like this when I wrote the email for MFM. But, I still shared the small barely interesting story. 

I keep thinking about it and I just wanna know that they read it. But I can’t count on that outcome. I’ve just listened to like 5 minisodes in a row and they have all made me laugh and cry and scream and get goosebumps. They make me feel so many emotions, and they trigger me and I begin to feel genuine feelings which is so hard to come by especially because the people close to me are a majority of sociopaths. And when I listen to the stories and the carmraderie and the sense of belinging, it just warms my heart. I mean I hate to be so cornball about it. But shit, I’m mostly having a bad day and I’m mostly secretly struggling and feeling out of place and uncared for and this just totally turns me around and I become intrigued, I am put in a trance where things are just not so shitty and the hottest of tea is being spilt in the most twisted of ways! It is everything I live for! 

So yeah, I’ve been emmersed in these crazy stories, I might be gong insane a little bit. I also wanna write about my thoughts on my therapist because I don’t write about it that often. Me hanging out with Coco so much and hating it is an indication that I, too, am quite insane. Because I have no where else to go. And so I keep going back to Coco when I know she makes me feel like shit. It’s not normal that every time I call Sas, we have to have a Coco complaints hour. I know it’s fun to talk about the dysfunction of others. But at a certain point, it is spilling onto me. And look, the situation is not easy for anyone. Idk if anyone would care, but I would be certainly sad if I just straight up ghosted everyone cus I couldn’t stand Coco. No, I love everyone else, that’s why I have to put up with Coco. And when I go to my therapist about it, I could be talking about so many other things... My committment issues, my daddy issues, so many other issues but all I wanna talk about is how many times Coco has rubbed me the wrong way within two weeks! And I tell my therapist how shitty I’m feeling, and it upsets him to know that I’m upset so then I feel even more shittier. And we know the only solution is to get rid of her but it’s not easy and it’s not realistic. And I’m kinda just looking for a scientific explination of my dynamic with Coco, of my reasoning for my own attachment. But we never get there. With my therapist, he never gives me a scientific explination as to why I am the way that I am with certain people. He praises me a lot, he tells me positive things about myself and shitty things about everybody else. And on one hand, I do need to hear good things about myself because not many people are praising me and I need validation. But on the other hand, I am uncomfortable about it and I don’t know how to make that clear. I just think my therapist is way too emotional. Way too empathetic. And way too on my side! I mean, I know I’ve been gaslighted to believe everyone should be mean to me, but I need someone who is unfeeling. Someone who will give me scientific explanations. I’ve been kinda wanting to break up with my therapist :/ Which sucks because I love him so much. And part of it is me. Because I just don’t know how to deal with someone who sees me for me. I only know how to deal with people who make me the butt of the joke or something like that. I’m not used to people being so nice to me and it freaks me out and it makes me uncomfortable. And I know I shouldn’t feel guilty about it. But idk what to do. Also, my therapist is good at taking this into accountability, but it is different to have a white therapist when I’m not white. And he’s like super aware of racial differences, super understanding. And sometimes I just feel like I need a person of color therapist you know. Maybe not straight up filipino because you know pinoys are judgemental and hella religious. But at least just another person of color and a woman, so we’re all on the same page. Like, my therapist is an openly gay trans man and you could not ask for a better sense of open mindedness and a radical stance on politics. But, I am already so emotional. My therapist cannot be more emotional than me. It makes me feel like I have to retaliate and so then I become unfeeling. 

And also, the thing about therapy is that your therapist is always gonna be on your side. I was talking to Sas about what Coco’s therapy is like and it’s true, you can just straight up lie the whole time. And that’s probably what Coco is doing. She is doing her mother teresa act, crying her crocodile tears and her therapist has to buy it, her therapist has to be on her side and tell her the things she thinks she wants to hear. But her therapist is missing a huge chunk of Coco herself because therapists will only ever get your side of your story. I have probably hurt a lot of people too, and it’s not supposed to matter to your therapist. But sometimes I just wish it would so I could know how much of a shitty person I am. The way Coco’s therapist would never tell her. I wanna know all the bad things about me. A stranger just can’t know that about you because ofc I’m seemingly nice, and so are the thoughts that come out of my mouth and into my therapists’ ear. Ofc, he’s not gonna tell me all the bad things about myself. Ofc it’s just me finding new ways to hate myself even when I try to get better about it... Sometimes tho I feel as if I don’t even need therapy when I know so much shit already. But that’s just me being cocky and stupid... Anyway, idk! Imma just ride it out. I still have writing. And I still have my podcast and other creative endeavors. 

Actually, you know what I think this is me just like dealing with the fact that therapy is really that hard. I mean, you tell everyone to go to therapy but it’s only if theyre willing to work at it. Because it is a constant constant battle. And it’s never gonna be easy. And it’s so hard for me to like not feel bummed out about it because life is so hard. And then sometimes I just feel like there is no hope at all. Even when I put myself in a position to see that there is..