#shes one of the dolls ive had the longest and i feel bad for not taking care of it sooner cuz its BAD

[freaky-flawless]

Alright, finally set my shelf up, which gave me the chance to identify the problem children.

[Image Description: a photo of three undressed Monster High dolls, Toralei as Catastrophe, Campus Stroll Nefera de Nile, and Music Festival Clawdeen lying on a surface next to a bottle of Goo Gone.]

[barnesandrogersfanfics]

Home - Part 22

A/N - So this is the last part my lovelies! (Well there will be an Epilogue) i just want to thank everyone who has kept with this til the end and for all the love you’ve shown. 💕

"Buck, i cant stop looking at them" i smiled down at my two boys laying side by side in the hospital cot.

"I know, their perfect" he beamed before turning and kissing me "you did so good baby"

"I didn't do anything, i didn't even know what was going on!" I chuckled, when they took me down to the OR the babies heart rates dropped suddenly and they had to give me a general anaesthetic and get them out quick.....when i woke up again i had my two boys.

"You did everything! You carried them for the last... what, 8 months? You've kept them safe and healthy"

"I guess i did do that, I've got the stretch marks to prove it" i rolled my eyes.

"we still need names, we can't just keep calling them 'the boys' you know"

"Mmmhmm okay but can we talk about it after i sleep?" I asked covering my mouth as i yawned.

"Sure doll, you get some sleep"

"You'll watch them?"

"Of course, Steve will probably be in here in a minute he was so excited" Bucky shook his head and laughed.

"Okay, Just let me sleep for an hour and wake me up okay?"

"You got it".

When i woke up again i looked over to see Bucky sat with his eyes closed, both boys sleeping on his chest. He wasn't asleep just resting his eyes, his thumbs gently stroking over their tiny legs as they slept soundly. It was the most beautiful sight ive ever seen, i couldnt help but reach for my phone and snap a photo.

Yes im gonna be that mom who takes photo's of everything! Don't judge me!

"What are you doing?" He asked opening one eye and looking at me suspiciously.

"Taking a photo of my boys" i smiled "i told you to wake me up in an hour Buck, how long did i sleep? Its dark out!"

"4/5 hours" he shrugged casually "enjoy it while you can doll, you wont sleep well for a while"

"Unless they take after their mama and like their sleep too? God i hope they do!"

"Their gonna need a feed, you feeling up to it?"

"Yeah".

Bucky got up and carefully passed me one of the twins while he kept the other close to his chest and sat back down.

"His so tiny.... i feel like i'm gonna break him" i said as i lowered my gown and tried to get the baby to latch onto my breast "He latched on straight away.... oh my god this is so weird..."

"Thats my boy" Bucky winked making me laugh quietly so i didn't disturb the baby.

"So names..... i was thinking Steven and Samuel as middle names? Both of them are important to us" i said looking down at the baby in my arms.

"I love that idea, they'll love that too"

"Is Steve gonna Cry?"

"Probably" Bucky chuckled knowing what his friend was like.

"Okay and first names?"

"How about Thomas....After your dad? I know you miss him" Bucky suggested.

"I really do, i wish my mom and dad were here to see this" i quickly wiped a tear away "Thomas Samuel Barnes?"

"I like it doll"

"Me too" i smiled looking down at the larger of the boys in my arms "i think this is Thomas"

"Okay and now for this little man"

"How did we not decide on names before today?" I shook my head.

"Because we've had our hands full with the girls and Jack's case.... we thought we had more time" Bucky shrugged before getting up and switching out the babies.

"I don't really know what names i like"

"Me either, i didn't think it would he this hard to name them" i said as i got comfy with the next baby.

"You know just before the girls went to bed i heard Allie talking to the bump again.... how do you feel about Theodore?" I asked raising an eyebrow questioningly "thats what she called one of them.... we could call him Theo or Teddy for short?"

"Theodore Steven Barnes? It kinda works" he nodded "for the record i'll probably never call him Theodore"

"It doesn't surprise me babe, the girls rarely get called by their full names either"

"Thats true"

"So are we agreed?"

"I think we are" he grinned as he got settled with Thomas again.

"Did Steve come see them while i was sleeping?"

"Yeah but only for 10 minutes, i didn't want to disturb you.... plus visiting hours where nearly up. His coming back up later with the girls though, then his gonna take them home and watch them til we're aloud to go home"

"Sounds perfect, i miss my girls already"

"Im sure their missing you too"

"Their probably too busy with Auntie Becca to care" i smiled over at Bucky who was shaking his head.

"Okay Teddy is done, can you take him please.... i think i need some more pain relief"

"Sure doll" he laid Thomas in the cot and took Teddy from me before sitting back down to winding him.

I held a hand to my stomach and winced as i pressed the call button for the nurse.

"Your gonna be feeling that for a while doll, your gonna have to take it easy too. Let me help you with things"

"I'll be fine...."

"You will take it easy and let yourself heal"

"But Bucky you cant look after the girls and newborn twins on your own! I can't just sit around and do nothing...."

"You can and you will, Ive already spoken to Steve and his gonna come stay with us until your better"

"Okay, its not like he isn't always there anyway. I sometimes wonder if he actually lives with us and i just don't know about it"

"You don't mind that Steve's around alot do you?"

"Course not, i love Steve"

"Good, you'd tell me if you had a problem with it?"

"You know i would"

"Ms Y/L/N, how you feeling?" One of the nurses smiled as she walked into the room.

"I need something for the pain, other than that im good" i smiled at her.

"Okay lets see what i can do about that".

It was about an hour later when Steve walked in with Becca and the girls.

Steve came straight over to me and placed a kiss on the top of my head, Rosie was cuddled up to him but held her arms out to me as he leaned down.

He let her down to lay beside me and she instantly cuddled up to me.

"Hey mama, how you feeling?" Steve asked.

"Im doing okay, sore.... but its worth it"

"Their beautiful" he nodded looking down into the cot beside me we're they both slept.

"Congratulations you guys, their beautiful" Becca smiled hugging Bucky before getting a closer look at the babies.

Brooke and Allie stood with Bucky looking down at Thomas and Teddy.

"Girls, these are your baby brothers" Bucky said quietly to them and they smiled.

"Their so tiny"

"What are their names?" Allie asked turning to look at Bucky.

"Well this one, this is Thomas" he pointed to the bigger twin "and this is Theodore" he pointed to the smaller one, Allie gasped and looked up at me.

"I knew it!.... i knew that was his name!"

"Okay can i hold one now?" Steve asked practically bouncing on the spot making us laugh at him.

"Sure Steve, hey Buck why don't you let him hold Teddy first?"

"Sure doll" he carefully lifted Teddy and placed him in Steve's arms "this is Theodore...."

"I know that Y/N just said so"

"Theodore Steven Barnes"

"What!? Are you serious?" He said his eyes going wide.

"Yeah pal"

"Guys...." he said with tears in his eyes "i dont know what to say"

"Told you he would cry" Bucky chuckled and Steve gave his his best bitch face.

"If i wasn't holding Teddy id kick your ass"

"Yeah whatever pal"

"Language! Uncle Steve!" Brooke said with wide eyes as she turned to look at him.

"You said a bad word Uncle Stevie!" Allie added making us all laugh.

"Yeah Uncle Steve you said a bad word! Don't be saying bad language words around my kids"

"God your such a mom already"

"Y/N?" Allie said walking over to the side of my bed.

"Yeah babe?"

"Does this mean your our mom too?"

I looked over at Bucky who shrugged with a smile, i knew he was telling me it was my choice what i told her.

"Yeah Allie, i'm your mom too..... if you'll have me?"

"Really??" Brooke asked coming to stand beside Allie.

"Yeah"

"And... can we call you mom?"

"You can if you want to, whatever your comfortable with" i smiled brushing a piece of hair back from her face.

"Im gonna call you mom" Allie said casually before running back to her dad who was smiling as he listened to our conversation.

"You guys are gonna make me cry again" Steve said sniffling from the chair in the corner.

"I think i might join in this time too" Becca added quickly wiping a tear from her face.

After spending the longest two days in the hospital the boys and i were finally aloud to go home. It was the best feeling being back home, knowing i had Bucky and all my babies under one roof and plus Bucky and Steve had been amazing.

They wouldn't let me do much though.....They'd even carry me upstairs!! I was now managing to walk around by myself, slowly, but i was on the mend.

Sam and Wanda came to visit us the day we got home, Sam had actually cried when we told him Thomas's middle name.... even though he tried to hide it.

Wanda had sat cooing at the twins for hours and saying how much she couldn't wait to meet her little bundle of joy.

I was sat in bed just finishing the feeds, Bucky was next to me holding Teddy, the girls were asleep on the bottom of the bed, we'd been watching Aladdin and they had all fallen asleep halfway through. I smiled as Aladdin and Jasmine were singing about 'A Whole New World' realising my whole world was in this room, i never thought id be this happy.

"You okay doll? You seem a million miles away" Bucky asked pressing a kiss to my lips.

"Yeah, just thinking about how lucky i am that i met you. You've made me the happiest woman in the world Buck.... you gave me 3 beautiful girls and my handsome boys, who already look so much like their daddy by the way!" Bucky chuckled as he laced his free hand with mine "i love you baby"

"I love you too, i couldn't ask for a better mama for our kids" he smiled bringing my hand to his mouth and kissing my fingers "marry me?"

"What??...." i looked at him with wide eyes "did you just...."

"Yeah" he nodded with a huge smile on his face "make me the happiest man in the world and say yes?"

"Are you sure...? I mean i dont want you asking just cause we're having a moment...."

"Doll, this isn't just me being in the moment i promise" he said leaning over to the drawer in his bed side cabinet. When he turned back to me he had a black velvet box in his hand "ive had this for a while, i was just waiting for the right time"

"Buck...." i gasped feeling my heart racing as he opened the box to reveal the most beautiful ring id ever seen.

"What do you say doll? will you marry me?"

"Yes!! A hundred times yes!" I smiled with happy tears as he slipped the ring onto my finger and kissed me.

"Its you and me doll, always"

"I think i'm okay with that".

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[godkingsanointed]

💀💍☄️⚖️🍵🎨✨🎁💗🕰️🗣️⚡I KNOW IT'S NOT ALLOWED BUT I WANT TO KNOW THESE ABOUT GRIEF

Seb

Buddy

I adore you you know this

But I think this is the longest ask iv ever written

HERE WE FUCKIN GO

If you asked Grief if she'd ever lost anyone to death she'd tell you no,nothing is lost to death because that's where we all go to sleep,and that life is the preparation for it. But if she stopped being a riddle for two seconds she'd say yes,she lost her mother as an infant and lost a whole party before she joined up with the strahd hunters. How she feels about it is...more complicated then she'd let you assume. She carried the unjust blame for her mother's death and even if she wears her name with pride she really *does* wonder if she had something to do with it. Add to that being the only survivor of the party who originally accompanied her into barovia,strahds words stay with her. *maybe she is cursed*

Her most valuable possession is a doll Makan,her adoptive father,made for her the very first day they met. It's a little plush raven,overstuffed and well worn at this point. It currently stays in Theo's crib with him

Grief very VERY much believes in fate. All things are planned out,and while your not a puppet on a string the universe will guide you if you listen. It's not always nice,and sometimes death is part of a plan,but there is a reason to all things. Fate is part if the raven queens domain,so grief considers herself a custodian of like and death as well as helping guide fate where it needs to go

Greatest crime she's committed hmmmm....Grief doesn't really care at all about laws,for her you put the morality of the situation first so if to save a life you need to steal then she doesn't care. So id say probably stealing armour from the guard station while the village was attacked by vampires. Can't save the town if your d e a d

Rumours about her? Hmmmm,Id imagine back home that there are plenty of people who whisper that having her visit you is an ill omen,that she brings death. In reality the ravenqueen whispers to her who is about to die so she can sit with them and do whatever last rites that persons believes dictate,she just happens to show up before anyone else knows what's happening

Singing is griefs main creative outlet,def was dubbed 'Songbird' around the temple an probs lead a lot of the choir pieces

If she was a deity? Oooooo that's a very good one hmmm...a deity for the lost,for the forgotten (especially children). A comforting voice in the dark for anyone who's alone,it'd be her,draped completely in black and gold,asking for a dance and a chat. Her form of worship would be community work,and telling her all about their day and the gossip and just like,anything. Stop in and talk,bring your friends,bring your family. Her places of worship would be big communal areas,a small statue or something in a town hall or a nursery,in the living room of a home. Her teachings are essentially we're all in this together,and no one should be alone

The perfect gift for her...hmmm. she's both v materialistic AND sentimental so like fashion and jewelry are always a hit,but if you make her something? Or it's a really weird/distinct little trinket that will remind her of you every time she see's it? That's what she REALLY loves. Bad presents would be like...vague shit. Uno the kind of thing you get when you don't know someone/Aren't really trying? She'd rather you didn't bother. She wraps gifts ridiculously intricately,and tries to personalise every little bit of it

Relationships for her a something she takes v seriously,when you spent so much time alone as a child you learn the value of company. She considers those at ravenscrest and the party to be her family,though she is curious about the existing Howlens noble like..do they have any idea about her? Do they care? Mostly she's ok with being ignored but occasionally she starts a letter and ends up throwing it away. Now she has baby Theo she feels less inclined to teach out,how could they have locked an infant away? When she imagines that happening to him,she realises how messed up it really was. An,of course,then there's Byron. That bittersweet nightmare. Love at first sight,hate at first kidnap attempt. Deep down she likes to imagine if it had all stayed a prince charming dream,but he's so deeply poison that she can't hold onto it for long. Still,she feels bad for him,lost in the darkness all alone. She knows what that's like,and she wants to free him,once and for all

Past events that change there future hmm. Well,Makan "convincing" the Howlens family to hand over custody and take her out of the room she'd stayed in since birth was a big one. Before that though,would be the day she found a book on deities,and was stirred to sympathy at the unfairly tiny section on the ravenqueen. From then on she spoke to the RQ every day to "keep her company" even when the family accused her of whispering to devils. Eventually she got a reply. She also thinks often about hope,the baby she helped deliver in barovia,how she's doing ect. Definitely inspired her to do more of that when she returned home,helping with bringing new life as well as her responsibilities to the dead

Words to hurt them hmmmm. The insinuation that death is her fault,that she's some kind of doombringer. That people are scared of her,that they *should* be scared of her. Things to cheer her up would be that she's comforting to be around,that she helped in some way,that Theo seems happy. Good advice for her hmmmmmmmm...That not every second has to be a chance to improve/price faith. That sometimes it's find to just sit back and relax with the people she's wanting to give everything to 24/7

Grief is phobic of closed spaces and locked doors. A little part of her will always be scared she's going to end up trapped again,so she sleeps next to Windows and prefers open spaces. She repeats prayers and mantra's over and over when she's scared,and her tail usually wraps around whatever is closest,she gets incredibly quiet and jumpy. She might be able to lessen her fear over the years,but I doubt she'll ever fully get over it

[sunmoonandeddie]

hey babe

pairing: bucky barnes x reader

word count: 972

summary: Your wings protect Bucky.

warnings: possibly swearing???  a tiny bit of violence.

a/n: I kept this really short and sweet, and I really hope you enjoy it!  I’m doing well, how are you??

Bucky’s chestheaved as he squeezed his eyes shut.  Hehad expected to feel a flurry of bullets hit him, but it never came.  There’d been four HYDRA agents with gunsraised and pointed at him just mere seconds ago, and he had even heard the gunsgo off.  It wasn’t like he was a strangerto getting shot, and unless he was shot in the head or the heart, they couldn’treally kill him.

A perk ofthe serum.

He slowlypeeked his eyes open, looking up with wide eyes to see you covering him.  Your wings were completely covering him,spread out in all their glory.  It hadalways amazed him, how large your wings were. Your wing span was a little bigger than your height and the size oftenresulted in you knocking into things unintentionally.  Not to mention your balance was alwaysslightly off, even when you did that thing where your wings would disappear.

Four shotsrang through the air, and he heard Natasha in his ear.  “All HYDRA agents are down.”

There wasa grimace on your pretty face as he looked up at you, his eyes widening when herealized there were several spots of red blooming among the iridescent feathers.

“Y/N?” Hewhispered shakily.  He got to his feet,reaching out to grab you.  “We’ve gottaget you back to the jet.”

Youswallowed thickly around a lump in your throat, but when you started to move, awave of dizziness overcame you.  Yourwings folded in as you stumbled a few steps forward, and Bucky rushed to catchyou, holding you in his arms.  “Bucky—”

“I’ve gotyou, doll,” he said, the soft feathers tickling his skin.  “I’m gonna pick you up, okay?”  When you nodded, he picked you up bridalstyle.

Your facenuzzled into his chest as your wings trailed pitifully across the ground.  “Hurts,” you said, the sound muffled andweak.

Bucky’sheart clenched in his chest as he ran for the quinjet.  He knew that you healed just as fast as himand Steve, but he had no idea what happened if your wings were shot.  It had never happened before.  “Y/N’s been shot, I’m bringing her back to thejet,” he said, knowing the comm would pick it up.

He breatheda sigh of relief as the jet came into view. Your heart beat was erratic, sometimes going way too slow only to go waytoo fast.  He knew it was due to yourangelic strength, your body fighting off death.

Bruce wason you the second you were inside, getting the super soldier to lay you on astretcher.  Bucky could only watch off tothe side as the man hooked you up to IVs before carefully extracting thebullets.  “Her wings should heal on theirown now that the bullets are out,” he explained, though the brunet was morefocused on your sleeping form.  “It’s theonly reason they didn’t immediately start healing right away.”

It was twodays before you woke up.  You weresteady, and there was no chance of you dying, but it was still nerve wracking.  Bucky spent the entire two days at your side,alternating between reading to you and just holding your hand whilethinking.  He thought over how he hadtreated you since you’d joined the team, keeping his distance and beingcold.  He had always considered you toogood, too pure.  But there was no denyingthe way his eyes always found you in a room, the way his heart skipped a beatwhen you laughed, how he wanted to hold your hand.

It was thelongest two days of his life.

When youfinally woke up, he was there.  His handwas in yours when your finger twitched, immediately catching hisattention.  A soft whine left your throatas you shifted, slowly being brought back to consciousness.

“F.R.I.D.A.Y.,get Banner here,” he said, watching you with big sea blue eyes.

It was anotherfew minutes when your eyes finally fluttered open.  Dazed, you tried to sit up, only to fall backonto the soft hospital bed.

“Hey, hey,hey,” Bucky said, reaching out to press you back.  “Be careful. We don’t want you straining yourself.”

“Bucky?” Yousaid, your voice croaking from unuse.

“I’m here,doll,” he said, his fingers gently carding through your hair to untangleit.  “I’m here.”

A small smileflit across your lips before you grimaced. “You’re here.”

“Thanks toyou.”

You rolledyour eyes.  “You wouldn’t have died froma few gunshot wounds.”

He raisedhis eyebrows, his thumb caressing your cheek. “Is that why you jumped in front of a bunch of bullets for me?”  When you looked away, your cheeks going pink,he added,  “Thank you.  It means a lot.  Really.”

“Bucky?”

“Yes?”

“Does thismean you’re actually going to talk to me?”

He can’tstop the loud guffaw that erupts from his chest, appreciating the very bluntquestion.  You weren’t someone who had afilter.  You said what came to your mindwithout reservations, something he really admired.  Your endless optimism and happy nature weren’ttoo bad either.  “Yes.  Yes, I will,” he said, squeezing yourhand.  “I’m sorry I didn’t before.”

“You werescared of tainting me,” you said frankly, shrugging a little.  “I understand why you did it, even if I don’tagree.”

He staredat you with a little bit of shock, biting his bottom lip.  “You really are something.”

You lookedup at him through long eyelashes.  “Isthat a good thing?”

“Yes,” hesaid, a little breathless.  “Yes, it’s avery good thing.”

“Good.”  A shy smile was spreading across your lipsthat made butterflies erupt in his stomach. “Because that means I can do something about the feelings I have foryou.”

[thevoilinauttheory]

Prompt #15 1/2: Anger (Free Pass for Reblog)

( For @sea-wolf-coast-to-coast‘s FFxivWrite2019 - for reblogging the updated rules post )

( Prelude to Prompt 2: Bargain; continuation of Prompt 15: Denial )

( Dark!AU where Lothaire goes mad with the grief of losing his husband. )

( Warnings: Dark themes, murder, graphic ways to die. )

This begins the story of Lotaire's anger, his rage, the fire that was left unattended in his eyes, the fury, the hatred, the storm of madness that left him hysterical. The longest of his stages; for days upon weeks, many innocents felt his wrath.

There was no research to be done on souls or bodies, no...this time, this time it was just for the revenge. He recalled the faces of many who stood around and did nothing. They were the first to go.

One. The noblewoman who stood at the corner of the alleyway behind him, watching the scene play out like a theatre drama. She was found strung up like a marionette puppet to the ceiling planks of her home - alive she was, enough to struggle; her mouth sewn shut to portray her silence. The strings and nails cut deeply, but it was the shock that killed her. 

What a way to die, like a doll in fate's design. A drama you wanted, a drama you became.

Two. The poor man who watched him clutch his husband so tightly, never rushing for aid, never approaching to ask or comfort. He knew him well. And yet, the chirurgeon's found him strapped to a medic's bed, flailing. An IV of slow acting poison burned through his veins, and even if he were to call for help...none would hear his cries, for his mouth too was sewn shut. Slowly, slowly, until the poison had him fall to his knees, gasping for air like the man he watched die.

You could have tried to help. You could have gone for aid. Instead, the silence had you staring. Now you will know the pain of never being able to reach for help.

Three. The dockworker whom had finished his rounds, relaxing at the Forgotten Knight. Drunken, he had stumbled past Lothaire as he carried the body of his dead husband. "Ha, that's a lot of blood, that looks bad. You should get that looked at." He had the nerve to say. He had the gall to point out the death he held. He was found in an inn room, after making his rounds at work - blood spilled upon the floor. The wood was practically painted in it, like it was forcibly spread to every inch. The body staked to the wall, drained of every bit of life.

...That's a lot of blood. You should get that looked at. It can't be good for your health.

Four. The shopowner that watched as Misha was swept away by a stranger, the woman who had noticed the concern and worry on Lothaire's face as he chased them down. She was found tied and gagged, fingertips bloodied from dragging her nails upon the cobblestone. Dragged away she was, and with no one to watch. Silence is worse than emptiness. Most of her body had been burnt to ash, with only her head and arms remaining.

The burning one feels when they're worried, you will feel it too. But I cannot plant emotions in your head, so instead you will feel it physically. You watched as he was torn away from me, and now you will know the same fear.

The city began to lockdown - a string of murders, yet none of them related. No one could know the inner workings of the mind of this killer...yet all of them were guilty of the same crime. As the citizens began to close their homes and hide, the guard marched about every street. And one patrol after another would find the heartbroken man seething in the alley his husband died in. One patrol after another would have their bodies littered upon the same ground. Until there was nothing but rot and madness that formed in that alleyway. Perhaps he couldn't raise them perfectly...but.

The people cried for help as the bodies of long rotting guardsmen shambled about the city. Help, they shout for? Help? And where was mine when I needed it? They attacked everything in sight, and the more that fell, the more that rose. Houses and stores were boarded up - the only ones allowed outside were those trained as soldiers. Even then, they still wished to play it safe. There was only one who not only braved being outdoors, but stood up to Lothaire.

"Lothaire? What has gotten into you, what is going on?" The pained and troubled face of his father was met with the tear-stained and mad smile of his son. Fleurgeant could not help but recoil, for it was the same expression that his own father had held so many years ago upon Caromont's death. "Hello...father...I. They. They killed him." He couldn't find the words, his son - his only son, his only child - was gone. The sweetness, the kindness, the curiosity and passion...gone. "Misha...they killed him. Did you not...hear?" "N-no, I did not...no one knows where these murders and undead are coming from. Was this...all you?" "They...brought it upon themselves." He was at a loss, while he disowned his father for the same mad dealings, right now it seemed he actually feared for his life at the hands of his son. He couldn't disown him, no matter how mad, how troubled, how silent or angry. "My son, please...stop this, there has been enough death..." "Enough? Enough?! You wish to tell me of enough when I am faced with losing --" "Just like your grandfather - please, Lothaire." "...I'm not done yet. There's still one more."

Five. The man who started it all. The abuse. The attempts at killing his daughter. The shouting. The assault. The one who killed him. Sabeloux found himself in the same position as Misha. Under Lothaire's boot, heel crushing his ribcage. The knife in his hand perfectly sharpened. "It should have been me, and now it will be you." Lothaire's aim was not as well founded as Sabeloux's, however it cut deeply into the side of his neck when thrown down. And so he was left to choke on his own blood and gag as Misha did.

A fitting way to die. As he did. You deserve a worse fate than death, though. I regret not giving it to you.

[vegetalass]

Veneno

its almost 5 am and i’ve been working on this for WEEKS and im sick of it!!!!! i think its the longest fic ive written in my life tbh...

I really wanted to play with the idea of a Sidestep who was manipulating herald, as I remember Malin mentioning multiple routes exploring a few different possibilities of treatments to the ROs. so this is my take on the manipulation theme!

partially inspired by my ex, who has a dumb nickname I never called him, and who once said to me “even if you can’t say it back, i’ll wait.” 

sorry for giving herald a cat. i was actually just describing mine lol. 

warning: contains Fallen Hero: Retribution spoilers, with sweets and drinking vice mentioned. 

HUGE thank you to @abyssopelagick and my friend GRUM!!!!!!! who i can honestly say i wouldn’t have been able to post without. ily both! 

FH:R belongs to @fallenhero-rebirth

Herald/gn!Reader - 2753 words

You knew it. You knew Herald used to be rich.

Maybe it was his perfect hair and blue eyes that gave it away, or the fact that he mentioned having a television as a kid. Maybe it was because he was so sweet and shy when you first met, that when you found the collection of pills beneath his bathroom counter when you went snooping through his stuff, that you realized you’d never even considered the fact that he’s probably never had to starve.

In retrospect, maybe it should’ve been a little more obvious after the first night you spent with him, and you should’ve taken better precautions to handle his delicate, loving nature, but so far you haven’t complained and you’re not about to start. Not only has everything worked out, but currently, you’re laying in the soft, old sheets of Herald’s bed, in his nice and clean apartment you can only describe as luxury.

Better than what you have. Better than what you had.

It makes you feel like a kid, the type with no concept for anything except longing. The kind of kid that reads books about bakers who sneak bread to dying girls, and blond princes who insist on liking someone their father hates.

And boy, does Herald like you.

He’s such a prim boy, if not just a sweet one. Kind, generous, loving, you name it. Anybody would be lucky to have him, and for now, that means you. The money is just a bonus, one that you could easily get used to.

Whether this has always the case, though, is another question. One that doesn’t matter much, because you find it’s just been nice to have been surprised as a telepath. Not to mention, you could always use the resources.

In some ways, it makes you want to laugh; to think that Herald knows nothing of your endeavors to kill him, and that all his good fortune can’t do a thing to stop you.

But in others, you feel like crying because he’s a boy who loves you and you have nothing left to offer in return.

You’ve decided not to mull on it. Because when he invites you to spend the night, and kisses you endlessly in that red-hot way, staying in his bed after is so comfortable and warm that it almost feels like the reason you don’t intend to get caught as a villain for a while.

So, you’ve been starting to come over to his place a lot recently.

It wasn’t intentional, your relationship with him. You always tried to tell him that it was Sidestep he was dreaming of, not this new you. But from the moment you let him kiss you on that day in HQ, and then later on that other night after your first date... it became harder and harder to stop yourself from growing quite… fond of him.

Even if it wasn’t planned.

Despite the mess that you’ve gotten tangled up in, in every possible way, it has been a really fun way to pass the time. Watching the way Herald dances around you as if you’re a breakable doll who’s done no wrong, even if he loves and trusts and admires you.

And the fact that you sometimes have emotional outbursts where you cry about disappointing him only adds to the effect of it all. It’s a risky but satisfying game, and even if part of it is genuine, you’re still a villain and have to remember the limits, though you don’t want to be evil all of the time. You might run out of luck.

Herald doesn’t know that, though. There’s actually a lot that he doesn’t.

Part of the fun is trying to guess how long you think all of this good might last. Because good things never last, do they?

But that’s no matter right now, and you shake your head from the thought, because the only person who has even dared to figure out your true nature is Herald’s cat, who hasn’t taken kindly to your presence since the start.

What a smart animal.

She’s a fat, old thing. A tabby, with piercing, green eyes. She was hiding on the first night you came over, probably busy licking herself and thinking that you were another romantic partner here to screw her Daniel over. She was right, but you just kept coming back.

Currently, she’s washing herself from her place on Herald’s dirty hoodie on the dresser across from you, looking up occasionally to hiss in what feels like a mocking, angry tone.

Re-Gene! Villain! I know what you’ve done, and you leave my Daniel out of it!

Tough shit, cat, though it’s still a shame she won’t let you pet her.

Not like you’re planning on moving out of bed, anyway.

It’s only in between your stints of dozing to the sound the sickly sounding auburn news anchor on the TV and mulling about whether sweets or a drink would taste better first, that you notice the approaching presence of Herald’s feather white aura growing closer, and realize that he must be in the building.

Even the now-napping cat seems to stir in acknowledgement before the both of you notice the sound of keys struggling in a locked door, as if you couldn’t try to pinpoint Herald’s exact location by entering his mind from your comfortable position with a little effort if you really wanted to try.

Immediately, the cat jumps from her comfortable perch to the floor, and rushes to the front door in an attempt to reach Herald halfway, get a scratch, and then rat you out as if he’d even listen if she could talk.

Either way, he’s home.

You can hear meows, and it’s easy to imagine how she tangles around his ankles as he squats to give her ears a good scritch. The pleasant imagery is interrupted too soon, though, as suddenly she yowls and you can hear the pit-pat of her feet as she rushes your way in her attempt to tattle on you.

“Oh, you,” you can hear him mutter at her as his footsteps echo in your direction before he hobbles into the room with a nasty limp. He looks about as close to someone who just got hit by a car and lived as someone possibly could, as his mess of gold hair is wind-blown and tangled, face bruised and dirty, and from the way his head is tilted down, must’ve been slouching for a while.

He looks... defeated, and you smile at the sight, hoping that you somehow look kind.

The cat continues to meow until Herald looks up, eyes widening in surprise when they finally meet your gaze, and despite his bad posture, or lack thereof from his aches, brightens immediately at your smile.

“Hi,” he breathes, finally standing up to throw his keys onto the little table resting by the door to his room.

“I wasn’t sure if I could let myself in-” You nod in his direction, before he interrupts you.

“Of course,” he blurts, almost too quickly, and then quickly looks away from your face when he finishes. “Always.”

You smile, feigning relief, even if you don’t really care.

Herald continues on, shuffling from where he’s standing to a dresser not far away, and you sit up in his bed to watch as he strips from his Ranger suit to reveal another handful of purple-blue wounds and scratches layered above his already scarred chest. He must be hurting.  

“Daniel...” you call to him in an attempt to seem worried, and he hums in acknowledgement, “Are you okay?”

He grunts, and in the silence that follows, the TV seems to grow louder in his place. You hadn’t realized that it switched from the weather special to a Los Diablos Breaking News! segment.

“Ranger spotted in successful attempt stopping local mob,” the smiling woman says, eyes blurred toward the camera as a clip of Herald handcuffing a man in a black jumpsuit takes over the screen.

You smile again because he’s a really good guy. A great one. And his fighting has been getting better.

Part of you wonders if it’s due to the fact that you’ve been training him, and the other part wonders if you should be worried. He’s always been someone who appears a lot weaker than he actually is. And you want to stoke the flame.

“You don’t have pull the tough guy act with me, Daniel,” you say to him, this time more forcefully.

You know he always notices when you use his real name, which is one of the reasons why you started using it. This time, you watch as he lowers the green shirt he’s been holding to his chest to look at you with those endless blue eyes and sigh wistfully.

“I get it, you know I do,” you try again, this time with the intent of at least getting him to open up.

You’re nervous, at first, scared of what he could say to you. That he knows you’re playing games, or that he doesn’t want you around anymore. But nothing has ever warranted this response in the past, so you wonder what’s happened to him to make him look at you like you just hit him over the head.

Ha.

You have hurt him. You even ruined one of his legs, but that was in the past, and it’s not like he knows that was you. If he did, you’d hope that he’d just be grateful enough to appreciate the fact that you didn’t kill him that night, too. He shouldn’t have any reason to look worried when you’ve just been here, lying in bed, silently waiting for him to join you, so you suppose you shouldn’t be worried either.

The TV speaks again.

“Impressive feat for the youngest member of the Rangers, who just under a year ago was taken down by the notorious Puppetmaster at their debut sighting.”

Herald is still paused, except this time, you notice his gaze has moved from you to the screen in front of him.

Though the news channel was initially spouting a success story, it’s no surprise that they’re now comparing Herald’s skills to when the both of you fought. It’s also not a surprise when the golden boy of the Rangers suddenly looks even smaller than before when he whips back around as to stop glaring at the news anchor as if she could even see him. You wonder what she would do if she could.  

You don’t speak.

“You know…” Herald starts, ignoring your previous words all together, “I’m worried about you.”

This doesn’t shock you, though not because you’re a telepath. He’s a naive boy, so of course he is worried, and because part of you cares about him in some twisted way, the good in you wishes that he wasn’t.

Worried or naive?

Both?

Deep down, you know he shouldn’t like you and you crave to tell him as such. To berate him, to beat it into him, to scream that he’s just a stupid, little boy in love with an animal who has a past he’d never understand. But it’s easy to stop yourself because you always do.

You hesitate to respond, but mutter back anyway. “Why?”  

You know he means it well, he means everything well, but the words come out harsher than you intended them to, and you quickly have to pat the spot next to you in bed to ensure that Herald thinks you’re not angry at him for simply… being him.

The little, sweet and young Sidestep that is still left in your heart is screaming to be kinder; telling you that you should just be happy that there is someone still cares for you and is able to show it. But there’s an ache in your heart, and suddenly the thought of both your past and your future make you feel like you have to get piss-shit drunk, puke all over yourself, and then immediately get heartburn.

So you decide to ignore the thought all together, and focus on the fact that Herald is now staring intently at you again. Only half-dressed (which is distracting), still, but staring nonetheless.

He tilts his face towards the ground to slouch once more, before whispering, “I just don’t want… them to come after you, too.”

“Oh, hush,” you say instantly, patting the bed again, before reaching out your arms for him to join you as he makes his way over. You know who he means, and the person already has.

You.

You are coming for yourself.

“Puppetmaster is growing very strong, when they learn you’re still around… they might-” He cannot finish the thought before he reaches the bed and ducks himself into your waiting arms.

You roll your eyes as you rest your cheek on his soft head. He really is a silly boy.

“I’ll be fine,” you say, into his hair, “I still have you, don’t I?”

He stays silent, so you continue the charade.

“You’re the one on the frontlines, so if anything, I’m the one who should be worried,” are your final words, before Herald cups your cheeks in his large palms in an attempt to kiss you. Before he makes it, however, you have to swat his face away because you can’t stop the laugh that bubbles deep from inside your chest at the realization of the situation.

Herald looks stunned, but smiles meekly in return when he decides you aren’t angry, and then laughs with you, even if he doesn’t get the joke.

“You’re silly, Daniel,” you say, settling with simplicity, because what do you say to the love who you’re lying to? What can you say, even if you kind of love them back?

But Herald, or maybe Daniel now (as you don’t much care which anymore), just blinks slow and smiles, content being held tightly in your arms.

You want to consider it strange, all this dedication to a person he doesn’t really know, this old Sidestep person, whoever they are, except that in a way, you realize, he does know you.

He knows the you that you have given him, this laughing kid, and in a sense, you truly believe that that’s not really you at all; because you just play this game too well, and he’s been wrapped around your finger from the start. You allowed for this, and you don’t want to say you regret it.

He’s a sweet boy. Always has been. And he never fails to surprise you.

“I love you,” he declares suddenly, voice quiet, sweet, and calming.

And you’re shocked. Not because you didn’t know that, but because you weren’t expecting to really care. And underneath his covers, everything seems three times as sweet. You weren’t expecting to be flattered, and there’s a part of you doesn't even mind. Another thing you could easily get used to. So responding is easy.

“Thank you, Daniel. I mean it.”

And he nods, still cuddled against your heart, your tattoos, looking at you like someone who could truly be loved. He is smiling all the while, too.

“Even if you can’t say it back, I’ll wait,” he says, lips barely curled, blue eyes sparkling.

It’s a nice gesture: this sudden, heartfelt proclamation, but you can’t say it’s one you deserve, as you have been so cruel to both him and yourself. Even though the Sidestep in you would rather jump off a roof, crash, and die before breaking his heart, you have long since realized that there is still a villain inside you that is hungry to laugh and cheer when Herald finds out who really tore him apart on that night at the museum.

You’d feel worse, but that day really was amazing. Finally making yourself proud, even at his expense.

However, the thought quickly escapes you, as this time, when he leans over to kiss you, you let him. His lips are warm on yours, and as you find your fingers tangled in his hair, for a second, it almost feels as though this relationship wasn’t built on a lie.  

“I know,” you respond, smiling sweetly at him for once, genuinely, because even if could change your behavior, you cannot help your pride, and you cannot help your heart.

And when you’re going to break his anyway, even though you know you should stop this mess, because a small part of you loves him, you might as well make sure it hurts.

[weirdochick56]

Enhanced- Bucky Barnes Chapter Five

Bucky Barnes x Mutant!reader

Warnings: Depression. Suicide attempt mentioning. Angst. Self-deprecative thoughts. Psychiatrist. Explicit language.

Disclaimers: I don’t own any of the MCU plots/characters mentioned.

Word Count: 3, 426 words

Read Chapter Four Here!!

***

(Gif’s not mine!)

When hospital staff had escorted you to a secure part of the hospital, a brand new wing, you were perplexed as fuck. But it all became clear soon enough.

You stare at the woman, your face contorted into a seemingly everlasting frown. “I’m not doing that.”

She sighs and seems to be holding back her exasperation. “Ms. Y/l/n, you want to leave right?”

You stare at her warily for a few seconds before slowly nodding.

“Good. Then you shouldn’t have an issue answering my questions, correct?”

You sigh, sitting up on the bed and staring at her in the eyes. “Yes, I do actually. What is there to evaluate?” you huff. “I’m fucking depressed...boo hoo. How fucking sad. But so is the rest of the fucking world. Things don’t just...come to an abrupt halt upon my suicide attempt. I’m sure you have other patients to get to.” You motion to her. “So just, do us both a favor and assign me a fucking therapist that I’m probably never going to visit so we can both get on with our lives.”

The psychiatrist sent by director Fury, Dr. Sheryl, stares at you with an unwavering gaze. Years of training, you suppose. Not that it mattered to you either way. She was going to regret accepting the director’s offer to come here for you if she continued being so insistent on making you do this damn psyche evaluation.

“Ms.Y/l/n. I don't think you have complete grasp of the severity of what you did.” she speaks in a soft voice. “Which is completely okay. Because that’s why I’m here. To help you understand that what you did was not for the greater good. That you matter to-”

You cut her off briskly. “Listen, Dr. Sheryl. I appreciate you giving me this whole rehearsed speech or whatever, but I don’t require pity from you. What I chose to do...it was something I was ready to accept the reality of. And I’m not expecting you to understand that. So whatever offer director Fury offered you- it doesn’t matter.”

She stares at you closely, examining you and your words with precision. And you can’t help but avert your gaze from her utterly scrutinizing one. She looked straight at you, into your soul. Like she could see the real you, which you suppose is possible under the correctly-trained eye. “Y/n. I’m not doing this because I pity you. I’m doing this because this is what I chose to do. It’s my job. Now, answer the questions please.” She looks at you pleadingly and you can tell she’s exhausted but so are you.

Of this place, of this situation, of not being able to talk to  Bucky or Steve about what had been going on between them over the past few days you’d been stuck in this damn hellhole.

And quite frankly? Dr. Sheryl wasn’t helping you. You were getting really, really angry.

“Dr. Sheryl,” you begin calmly. “I assume you know who I am correct?” You were referring to your ranking in S.H.I.E.L.D. If she was trusted enough by Fury to evaluate you, you suppose she already knew about your powers.

She sighs. “No Y/n. I know of you.”

You knew that she was trying to be clever. Intimidate you with her mind games to make you talk about things you just weren’t going to. She knew of you, but not you directly. She wanted to, apparently. But no one did. Not really. If she got to know the real you, you’re sure she’d be absolutely horrified.

How could a normal person like her understand your pains? The true “severity” of the consequences of you being alive? It wasn’t for the greater good that you survived. It would only end up like last time. The Avengers -Steve in particular- clearly had no more hope left in you, so why should you hang onto anything?

But what about Bucky? Your mind reminds and you shut it up, locking the thought away in a part of your brain labeled FORBIDDEN. Thoughts of someone as amazing, strong, handsome and enticing as Bucky having hope in someone as worthless as you, were unwanted. Mostly because you knew it could never happen and holding onto hope was useless and would only end in heartbreak.

“That’s good enough. Knowing of me surely means you know that if I get too upset I’m going to blow up this whole damn place,” you stare at her in the eye, unflinchingly still. It wasn’t entirely true. I mean, you'd been training to control your powers for the longest time so getting a little upset wasn’t enough to set off your powers and obviously, you weren’t actually going blow up a place filled with a bunch of innocent people. You could if you wanted to, sure, but you would never go through with such an atrocity. Not after-

She gulps harshly, annoyed by your statement. “Ms. Y/l/n. Are you threatening me?”

You shrug, leaning back into the stiff hospital bed. “Take it how you will doc, but if something does happen because you can’t shut your trap...” you trail off, snapping your fingers and playing around with the small flame on the tips of your thumb and middle finger. The small flame danced fluidly along as you wiggle your fingers, pressing them together. You turn your gaze to Dr. Sheryl and almost feel bad when you see her slightly trembling.

You snap your fingers again, turning the flame off. “It’s on you.”

She gulps, determined, it seemed, when she responded in a slightly shaky voice. “Does that hurt you? I mean it mustn’t, but I’m curious about it.”

Oh, God.

You sigh exasperatedly because she clearly wasn’t caving at your subtle threats. “No, it doesn’t hurt me. It kinda warms my soul actually. It’s a part of me now.” You look up at her evenly. “It can hurt others though.”

She shivers and you hold back a smirk. “Wanna touch it?” you wiggle your brows, opening the palm of your hand and holding out your finger, which looked more like a miniature candle the way it was lit up than anything else.

She chuckles nervously. “No thanks.” she looks down at her clipboard. “Now, since when have you had these thoughts? Are there specific moments or-”

Holy fucking shit, this woman was un-fucking-breakable.

You’ve had just about enough of her and this nauseating place.

You smile at her sickeningly sweet. “Well, sorry to cut this little visit short doc, but,” you grunt, hopping off the bed with as much strength as your aching muscles could muster. “I’m not staying here and quite honestly, I don’t have to stay here to listen to you ramble on like you somehow want to know me or what I’m going through,” you rip the IV’s out of your arm without so much as flinching, ignoring her protests as you slide your way over you the armchair near the door and gather a new set of clothing into your arms.

Thank God for Wanda Maximoff.

“But you can’t leave! We aren’t done with the evaluation and Director Fury-”

You pause at the door whirling around to face her. “Director Fury should be able to understand that I’m way past getting professional help. I’ve been broken for a long time.” And with that you storm out, slamming the door behind you.

*

You make it a quick job to slide into a hospital bathroom discreetly and slip on the outfit Wanda had given you as to not alert hospital staff who you supposed were on the lookout for you. A simple t-shirt, jeans, sneakers, and a hoodie. Nothing too flashy, but what else was there to expect when you’ve just almost ended your life?

Not to mention it was incredibly convenient when a bunch of S.H.I.E.L.D. agents were looking aimlessly for you.

You snicker as you walk right past them, you hoodie shielding your face as you step out of the hospital a free woman.

Finally.

***

You don’t expect the Avengers to be there when you get to the tower. They all had things to do, a world to save. So why were they there?

Where they waiting for you? 

As soon as you step into the Avengers’ lounge, the elevator you’d stepped through dinging loudly behind you, all eyes snap towards you.

Including Bucky’s and Steve’s.

Their eyes widen like saucers and you stand in the middle of the lounge, unable to do anything but look like a deer caught in headlights. “Uh, hi?”

“Holy shit, buttercup! What the hell are you doing here?” Tony speaks everyone’s thoughts and steals a fleeting glance at his watch then looks back up at you with wide eyes. “You aren’t supposed to be here for another two hours according to Fury. Wh-”

He doesn’t get to finish his sentence before Bucky is standing up, sending the stool he’d been sitting on screeching away from him. He’s looking at you evenly, an expression of pure relief on his face. “Doll, y-you...you’re here,” he breathes unbelievingly. Almost in a way that conveyed he thought he was dreaming and you were simply a fraction of his imagination.

His hand twitches, reaching out impulsively but he gulps, forcing his hand to go limp beside him. Like he wanted to touch you but held back.

He hadn't visited you at the hospital after that one day and you wondered if he was holding back from enveloping you in his arms for the same reason. Because although it stung that he didn’t come to see you, you sort of understood. You were at fault too. You hurt him.

His words flash through your head.

“And the worst part? I saw the life leave your eyes. I kept begging you to stay with me. Not to leave because,” his hand snakes into yours. You squeeze his hand tightly, holding back tears of your own. He seemed to understand what you meant and continued speaking in a broken voice. “Because the thought of you dead, Y/n, terrified me. Lord knows I need you.” A single tear slides down his cheek, leaving a small wet trail on his cheek.

God, you were such an inconsiderate asshole for making him go through that. For making him feel that way.

You’re unable to look away from his piercing blue eyes. “Buck,” you swallow. “I am here, unfortunately. H-how have you been?” you mumble, forcing the lump in your throat down with as much might as possible.

“Are you really asking about me, doll? I mean, you’re the one who’s going through the tough shit right now.” He smiles incredulously at you.

You shrug with a small blush. “Aren’t we all? Plus, I was worried about you,” you whisper the last part.

He grins a little, then his handsome face turns sour. Like he’d sniffed rotten milk. “Honestly? Like shit. I missed you doll. So, so much,” he rasps. And somehow you believed him. He looked tired as hell. Dark bags under his eyes, messy hair, baggy clothes.

You want to run over and hug him, run your fingers through that ridiculously soft hair of his and reassure him everything was okay. That you were here and wouldn’t go away this time.

Fuck, you really, really wanted to do that. It physically hurt you to see him so distressed. Especially over you. An insignificant piece of shit.

But you couldn’t. Not only because you had no right to touch him like that, but also because you didn’t know you wouldn’t go away. Because right now, leaving to avoid him and you all this pain, seemed like the safest bet.

You wince, looking away from him, not being able to bear the utterly devastated expression painted on his beautiful face. So instead you turn your focus on the rest of your team as they all share the same look of relief and perplexion at your sudden arrival.

“Cap, can I talk to you privately?” you whisper, motioning for the blonde to follow you to the kitchen. He nods firmly, his eyes soft despite the blue-ish purple color surrounding them.

“Y/n, wait-” Bucky attempts to protest, but you hold up your hand to interrupt him and send him a weak smile. “I’ll talk to you Buck, I promise. I just want to talk with Steve first so I can make a few things clear. Trust me, I’ll be fine,” you reassure.  

Bucky ponders over it for a few seconds before sighing defeatedly, agreeing reluctantly. He turns a furious glare towards Steve. “Steve I swear to God if you so much as look at her funny I’m gonna break your-”

Steve glares at him. “Bucky, for the last time, I’m not going to-”

“Woah!” You hold your hands up, ignoring your fluttering heart at his protectiveness. “We have got to talk about that. I wanna know what’s up between you two.” You motion between the two super-soldier serum recipients before pointing a finger at Bucky accusingly. “Don’t think I don’t know you were the one who messed Cap’s face up.”

He looks down a bit guilty before you discreetly send him a soft smile, holding a hand up to your mouth so Steve can’t see and mouth a small “thanks” him.

He smirks a little, shaking his head as Steve glances suspiciously between you two.

*

The table erupts into small chatters of relief and content at seeing Y/n back as soon as she and Steve leave, stepping into the kitchen next door.

“God, I’m so fucking glad she’s okay,” breathed Tony, who was now over his initial shock. “Am I the only one who wants to crush her into a ginormous hug?” he looked around the table.

No one disagreed. Not one bit.

Tony chuckles. “Good thing I’m not alone, because I feel like a Goddamn softy.”

Clint sighed. “Tony, that kid is part of our family.” He glances at Bucky, who’s frowning back at him. “We might’ve not made her feel like that, but she means a lot to us. She’s one of only the fucking lights at the end of this long ass tunnel.”

Bucky said nothing as hums and words of complete agreement were shared amongst the Avengers.

Y/n was far more valuable to them than she realized, it seemed.

Everyone erupted into their own conversations not long after, mumbling amongst themselves how much they had missed her. Even if they did visit her consistently throughout her week-long stay in the hospital. It was different seeing her back home.

Wanda frowns suspiciously, glancing at Bucky, who was smiling wistfully at the doorway to the kitchen, before leaning over to whisper to Natasha.

“Is it just me or is he being way too protective of Y/n? Like, way more protective than a friend should be.”

Natasha snorts. “Yeah, you aren’t the only one to notice that. I mean, aren’t he and Stevel like inseparable? And he packed a few mean punches back at the hospital. All for Y/n. I mean, can you imagine beating up the only thing linking you to the only decent life you knew, your only family, for a girl? She must mean a fucking lot to him.”

Wanda doesn’t comment on Natasha’s brutal honesty, already fairly used to it. “You’re right. But didn’t they meet like a few weeks ago?”

Natasha chuckles, shaking her head. “For a mind reader, you sure are clueless.”

Wanda glares at her. “Why?”

The red-headed assassin sighs arrogantly. “They’ve been eye-fucking eachother ‘discreetly’ from the moment James stepped foot into this place. It comes as no surprise really. I mean, they’re a match made in heaven,” she scoffs sarcastically.

The witch tilts her head sideways in question. Natasha looked beyond annoyed at having to be explain everything to her.

“Uh, she’s a calm, serene soul trying to forget her past and the scars it left behind and he’s afraid and out of control and needs an intimate anchor to keep him grounded. I mean, if you couldn’t guess that they would end up together then sorry but you’re an idiot. Hell, I’d go as far as to say they need eachother. It seems to me no one gets the other like they do...”

*

“Buck gave you quite the beating there, huh?” you motion to Steve’s purple eye with a small smile, trying to fill in the awkward silence that had taken up the room.

Honestly, you had no idea what to talk to him about. What could you possibly say to the kind man who had taken you in then made you feel like shit?

He chuckles humorlessly. “Yeah, he’s really protective of you.” You blush, ignoring his hidden suggestion.

“My ribs are healed and my nose too. Serum side-effects I guess. He had a right to be angry though...I deserved it.” He looks at you with regret in his eyes and you already know where this is going. “Listen Y/n- what I said at the hospital a-and before that- I didn’t mean it. At all.”

“You don’t need to say anything Cap, it’s okay,” you whisper. No, it isn’t, you wanna say instead. You hurt me. And you ripped the only shred of hope I had left right from my arms. The only thing I had going for me.

You push the tears pricking at your eyes down.

But you don’t word these feelings because it would be selfish of you. They had no responsibility with you. Steve had taken you in because Fury had asked him to, there was no other link except for maybe an emotional one. Not to mention you were gone long before then.

You had found hope with the Avengers, but you were already broken when they found you.

He looks at you sternly before laughing sadly. “No, Y/n. It really isn’t. I-I don’t know what was wrong with me. No- wait. That’s partly wrong,” he frowns. “I do know why I wasn’t letting you on missions.”

Your heart begins racing at the thought of him not wanting you in the team. You didn’t want to mention it. “Listen, Steve, really it’s-”

He looks at you with pleading eyes. “Can you please let me explain?”

You suck in a shaky breath, trying to rid yourself of the tears that were relentlessly battling your best attempts to keep them from coming out. “Go ahead,” you croak.

He releases a small breath, propping himself upright with the help of the kitchen counter behind him. “Thank you,” he whispers. “I- God where do I start? I- what you did to yourself, it was my fault. There’s no evading the truth. I don’t know who I’ve become in all honesty. And I feel like the Goddamn most deplorable human being on the face of this planet for hurting you like that kiddo. I really, really do,” he admits quietly. When you don’t respond, he continues.

“I mean, you are such an important part of my life kid. A-and I know you might not believe me, and I know you the things I did, the things I said, they were,” he inhales shakily, closing his eyes and wincing. “Unacceptable. And for sure contradicts everything I’m telling you right now.” He opens his eyes and looks at you. “But I was so damn scared.”

You frown, trying to hold yourself together even though you are currently being faced by one of the single most emotional moments of your life. “Of what?”

He looks at you evenly in the eyes. “Of losing you. A-and I know it sounds ridiculous when I say it now because well- y-you...you know...because of me.”

He sighs. “But I swear to everything good in this world that I was only trying to protect you. The truth is, I didn’t want to send you on missions because I didn’t want to run the risk of losing one of the only things left for me in this world. It backfired because either way, I could’ve lost you. I caused you so much unnecessary pain.” he sighs, rubbing his face frustratedly. “Gosh, I made you believe you were worthless to this team, to me, to the world. But you aren’t. And I’m so sincerely sorry for all the pain I’ve caused. I knew you weren’t okay and instead of helping like I should’ve, I ignored the problem, thinking that it would go away. And I shouldn’t have. I was such a self-centered idiot.”

The room is silent for a long time as you stare at him, stunned into stillness. Steve, waits anxiously on you, carefully watching for any sudden reaction that may point to you fleeing from him.

You look up at him as tears slide down your cheeks. Steve was your hero, a respectable man. A kind man that took you in when you had no one. Even though Director Fury has asked him to, it didn’t mean he had to. But he did and even though he had been a dick he was apologizing sincerely right now. You believed him when he said he did it to protect you and honestly, this was all you wanted from him. Nothing more and nothing less.

So you throw your arms around him in a bone-crushing hug. “I forgive you, Cap,” you mumble into his shoulder.

He hugs you right back with a sigh of utter relief and you break away from him, wiping your tears away. You forgive him. You really, really did. Because truly, it wasn’t his complete fault that you were unrepairable.

And you felt more at peace than you ever had. You already had all this anger bottled up, letting some of it go was so...liberating.

He smiles a bit in relief. “Thank God kid. You really scared me and the rest of the team,” he patted you on the back. “We missed you.”

You smirk. “I should hope so.”

He laughs a little then his face gets serious. “You’re not leaving anymore?”

You sigh then smile softly. “I think I’m fine right where I am for now.”

He grins a little. “Good. You should go out there, yeah? The team is probably itching to squeeze you.”

You smile again. “Yeah, me too. See you later Steve.”

And then you head for the door, wanting to leave him alone to his thoughts and most importantly: itching to talk to Bucky.

You suddenly pause, looking over your shoulder at Steve. “I just wanted to make clear this isn’t going to fix anything. And it’s not particularly your fault, I’m just....a work in progress.”

And then you slide out the door, your heart a little less heavy and your bandaged wrists ever present, but less of a painful reminder.

Read Chapter Six Here!!

***

Get ready for some fluff next chapter!! I just- fluffy!Bucky is fucking lovable af, tbh...

Anywho, reply, tell me if you want to be tagged in any shape, way or form. LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK. Send me asks, messages, etc. Do whatever fits you, best babes!!

A special thanks to: 

@wantingtobekorra @littlephoenix-fire @burningcoffeetimetravel @superwholockwannabe @babyplutoszx2 @stydia-4-ever @animegirlgeeky @agentstiinski24 @wipplog @veganfangirl5 @buckysrcse @moli1497 and @doritoevansxwinterschildren - my beautiful “Enhanced peeps”

@wildefire - currently my only Marvel human!

And of course my forevers:

@jessikared97  @sherlockedtash88  @lilypalmer1987

[lgbt-i-guess]

1-170 for those honest asks

1: How tall or short do you wish you were?

idk 5′5″?

2: What’s your dream pet? (Real or not)

snaek

3: Do you have a favourite clothing style?

I rly like darker clothes

4: What was your favourite video game growing up?

alien vs predator

5: What three things/people do you think of most each day:

bf

my friend Caitlin

kai

6: If you had a warning label, what would yours say?

emotionally unavailable for a while

7: What is your opinion on [insert person/thing here]?

u didn't insert the thing

8: What is your Greek personality type? [Sanguine, Phlegmatic, Choleric, or Melancholic]

phlegmatic

9: Are you ticklish?

very

10: Are you allergic to anything?

not anymore

11: What’s your sexuality?

atm I'm going for gay ace

12: Do you prefer tea, coffee, or cocoa?

cocoa

13: Are you a cat or dog person?

cat

14: Would you rather be a vampire, elf, or merperson?

vampire honestly

15: Do you have a favourite Youtuber?

callmekevin, graystillplays, or rtgames

16: How tall are you?

5′1″

17: If you had to change your name, what would you change it to?

like legally? either spencer cade or kai

18: How much do you weigh? [Only ask this if you know the user doesn’t mind!]

idk? i think abt 57kg

19: Do you believe in ghosts/spirits?

yes

20: Do you like space or the ocean more?

spaece

21: Are you religious?

not rly

22: Pet peeves?

leaving the door open when ive asked to close it

23: Would you rather be nocturnal or diurnal [opposite of nocturnal]?

nocturnal

24: Favorite constellation?

orion

25: Favorite star?

idk

26: Do you like ball-jointed dolls?

not rly?

27: Any phobias or fears?

bugs that fly

28: Do you think global warming is real?

yeah

29: Do you believe in reincarnation?

yeah

30: Favorite movie?

idk rn

31: Do you get scared easily?

kinda

32: How many pets have you own in your lifetime?

47 if u consider every animal thats lived in the house

33: Blog rate? [You’ll rate the blog of the one who’s asking.]

5/10 ig ur anonymous

34: What is a colour that calms you?

blue

35: Where would you like to travel and/or live?

i wanna see mountains

36: Where were you born?

england

37: What is your eye colour?

blue

38: Introvert or extrovert?

introvert but also i have no shame

39: Do you believe in horoscopes and zodiacs?

yeah

40: Hugs or kisses?

both is good

41: Who is someone you would like to see/visit right now?

bf

42: Who is someone you love deeply?

bf

43: Any piercings you want?

ears

44: Do you like tattoos and piercings?

I DO

45: Do you smoke or have you ever done so?

i have not but my mum did

46: Talk about your crush, if you have one!

aaaaaaaaaaaa okay so

ive mostly been able to ignore this crush bc we dont talk much but hes so good im love him and idk what to say s o

47: What is a sound you really hate?

scrapping

48: A sound you really love?

bf laugh

49: Can you do a backflip?

i can not

50: Can you do the splits?

i can not

51: Favorite actor and/or actress?

tom holland

52: Favorite movie?

idk is this a repeat question

53: How are you feeling right now?

hungy

54: What colour would you like your hair to be right now?

blue. bright blue.

55: When did you feel happiest?

idk i think when my bfs and i started dating

56: Something that calms you down?

hugs

57: Have any mental conditons? [Only ask this if you know the user doesn’t mind!]

yeah i have:

- depression

- autism

- adhd

58: What does your URL mean?

well i was remaking my blogs after the age purge and i was making the discourse one and went “okay what is this about” and thought “idk lgbt i guess”

59: What three words describe you the most?

idk

60: Do you believe in evolution?

yeah

61: What makes you unfollow a blog?

not much

62: What makes you follow a blog?

interesting

63: Favorite kind of person:

idk

64: Favorite animal(s):

canine

65: Name three of your favourite blogs.

@shutthefuckup-terfs @official-cisphobe @purgatorian-princess

66: Favorite emoticon:

idk

67: Favorite meme:

idk

68: What is your MBTI personality type?

idk

69: What is your star sign?

aquarius

70: Can your dog roll over on command, if you have a dog?

she can if its my brother asking

71: What outfit out of all your clothes do you like to wear the most?

i have one outfit

72: Post a selfie or two?

im p sure i already have

73: Do you have platform shoes?

no

74: What is one random but interesting fact about yourself?

idk

75: Can you do a front flip?

i can not

76: Do you like birds?

i do

77: Do you like to swim?

i do

78: Is swimming or ice skating more fun for you?

swimming

79: Something you wish didn’t exist:

trump

80: Something you wish did exist:

dragon

81: Piercings you have?

i did have my ears pierced but they healed

82: Something you really enjoy doing:

reading

83: Favorite person to talk to:

bf

84: What was your first impression of Tumblr?

it was rly nice

85: How many followers do you have?

232

86: Can you run a mile within ten minutes?

i cant run ten metres

87: Do your socks always match?

sometimes

88: Can you touch your toes and keep your legs straight completely?

i cant stand w my legs straight

89: What are your birthstones?

amethyst

90: If you were an animal, which one would you be?

idk

91: If a flower could aesthetically represent you, what kind would it be?

blac

92: A store you hate?

m&s

its nice but the sound is bad

93: How many cups of coffee can you drink in one day?

i dont

94: Would you rather be able to fly or read minds?

fly

95: Do you like to wear camo?

yes

96: Winter or summer?

winter

97: How long can you hold your breath for?

10secs

98: Least favourite person?

family

99: Someone you look up to:

idk

100: A store you love?

euro pizza

101: Favorite type of shoes

slippers

102: Where do you live?

northumberland

103: Are you a vegetarian or vegan? If so, why?

no

104: What is your favourite mineral or gem?

quartz

105: Do you drink milk?

i do im a milkdrinker

106: Do you like bugs?

no theyre demons

107: Do you like spiders?

no

108: Something you get paranoid about?

being watched

109: Can you draw:

kinda

110: Nosiest question you have ever been asked?

idk

111: A question you hate being asked?

idk

112: Ever been bitten by a spider?

no

113: Do you like the sound of waves at the beach?

yesss

114: Do you prefer cloudy or sunny days?

cloudy

115: Someone you’d like to kiss or cuddle right now:

bf

116: Favorite cloud type:

idk

117: What colour do you wish the sky was?

purpura

118: Do you have freckles?

i do not

119: Favorite thing about a person:

idk

120: Fruits or vegetables?

fruit

121: Something you want to do right now:

idk

122: Is the ocean or sky prettier?

ocean

123: Sweet or sour foods?

sweet

124: Bright or dim lights?

dim

125: Do you believe in a certain magical creature?

idk

126: Something you hate about Tumblr:

bigots

127: Something you love about Tumblr:

art

128: What do you think about the least?

idk

129: What would you want to be written on your tombstone?

“bastard at heart”

130: Who would you like to punch in the face right now?

brother

131: What is something you love but also hate about yourself?

clingyness

132: Do you smile with your teeth showing for pictures?

sometimes

133: Computer or TV?

computer

134: Do you like roller coasters?

no

135: Do you get motion sickness or seasickness?

no

136: Are your ears lobed or attached?

attached

137: Do you believe in karma?

yeah

138: On a scale of 1-10, how attractive would you say you are?

5

139: What nicknames do you have/have had?

idk

140: Did you have any pretend or imaginary friends?

yeah

141: Have you ever seen a therapist/shrink?

yeah

142: Would you say you are a good or bad influence on others?

idk

143: Do you prefer giving or receiving gifts/help?

idk

144: What makes you angry

disrespect

145: How many languages do you speak fluently?

1

146: Do you prefer boys, girls, and/or non-binaries?

boys + boy nbsz

147: Are you androgynous?

yeah

148: Favorite physical thing about yourself:

idk

149: Favorite thing about your personality:

idk

150: Name three people you would like to talk to right now in person.

bf

other bf

idk

151: If you could go back into time and live in one era, which would you choose?

idk

152: Do you like BuzzFeed?

unsolved yeah

153: How did you meet your spouse/girlfriend/boyfriend/partner? [If you have  one.]

i joined a discord server

154: Do you like to kiss others’ foreheads or hands for platonic reasons?

kinda

155: Do you like to play with others’ hair?

yeah

156: What embarrasses you?

why would i tell u

157: Something that makes you nervous/anxious:

idk

158: Biggest lie you have ever told:

idk

159: How many people are you following?

1215

160: How many posts do you have on your blog(s)?

3343

161: How many drafts do you have on your blog(s)?

1

162: How many likes do you have on your blog(s)?

2272

163: Last time you cried and why:

idk

164: Do you have long or short hair?

short

165: Longest your hair has ever been:

waist

166: Why do you like, dislike, or have neutral feelings about religion?

for the most part its dislike when it comes to organised religion but if its just personal its fine

167: Do you really care how the universe and world were created?

kinda

168: Do you like to wear makeup?

sometimes

169: Can you stand on your hands or head for more than thirty seconds?

nope

170: Did you answer the questions you were asked truthfully?

yeah