#shes been gone for five minutes and im already eating all the dead food instead of cooking

[sprinklethetangerine]

Just ate expired food I'm sure this will turn out fine

[shhh-no-ones-home]

lion tamer izzy stradlin x reader

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a little break from motionless and def leppard lol. i havent written for izzy in a while but he baby so here you go, have something cute. i have two more lepp fics coming out in the next couple days though so enjoy 

she unedited lol sorry if there are mistakes

song: caffeine cold by fall out boy

Edit cause I forgot to add:

Tag list: @cynic-spirit

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"come on iz, youre last."

i sighed, grabbing his arm and pulling him out of the backseat of my car. i swung his arm over my shoulder and tried to distribute the weight but it wasnt really working. he was basically dead at this point, stumbling around as i walked us to the door. we had all gone out to celebrate the new album release and they had all drank a little too much. i of course was left as the designated driver per usual since i didnt really drink, nor did i usually mind. tonight however was a task, like herding kittens, each member getting side tracked at something new as i tried desperately to get them into their houses or hotel rooms and into their beds. Izzy of course was last, letting me stay with him while i was in town for the release party and start of the press tour.

"youre really good at this."

izzy complimented, a long string of words pouring out of his mouth as i unlocked the door and shoved his keys back in his jacket pocket.

"thanks iz, someones got to be or else you would be on the floor more often."

just as i was closing the door he moved forward without me and tripped, dropping straight to the ground. i sighed as he rolled over and laughed.

"like that."

i pointed out. he kept laughing as he sat up, taking the hand i offered to him. instead of getting up though he just pulled me down with him, me dropping to my knees with a loud thud. he giggled some more at the exasperated look on my face.

"now youre on the floor too."

he laughed out, poking his finger at me. i rolled my eyes and stood back up, walking around him, pushing my arms under his and lifting him to his feet.

"woah."

he said a little stunned that i had just dead lifted him off the floor.

"have you been working out?"

he questioned as i turned him and put his arm around my shoulders again.

"yeah, its called moving five drunk toddlers around."

he sent me a sleepy smile as we finally made it down the hall.

"that sounds like a lot of work."

he said matter of factly, dropping the bottle i didnt know he had onto the soft carpet of his bedroom floor.

"you have no idea."

i grumbled as i leaned into him and pushed him to the bed with my shoulder, watching him roll onto his side and his hand drop to his stomach.

"oop, nope, hold on."

he said standing quickly and dropping in front of the trash can by his nightstand. i looked to the ceiling as he threw up, cringing at it. i looked back down when he inhaled deeply and he was already on his way back to standing.

"okay sir, time to brush your teeth now."

he whined as i helped usher him to the bathroom.

"do i have to?"

he protsested as i squirted the toothpaste onto the brush and wet it, handing it to him.

"yes, if you dont i will."

he dropped his shoulder and stuck the brush in his mouth, moving it around and leaning in to look at himself in the mirror. as he pushed it around his gums he grinned widely at himself, the bubbles around his mouth making him look like a clown. i shook my head at him.

"dont forget your tongue."

i reminded and he turned to me to stick it out, closing his eyes and brushing down it.

"thank you."

i said, crossing my arms over my chest and he bent down and spit into the sink, holding his head under the faucet so he could rinse his mouth out. when he stood back up he sent me another sleepy smile, dropping the toothbrush onto the counter.

"now what?"

he asked like a giddy child. i placed my hand firmly at his back and pushed him back out into the room.

"now you go to bed."

i said a little hopeful. he pouted at me in return.

"aww but y/n i dont want to go to bed. the night is still young and so are we."

he said, plopping down on the side of the mattress.

"we'll still be young in the morning when you get up. in a pain and possibly hungover but young none the less."

he frowned at me as i moved to take the denim jacket off his arms.

"do i get to take your clothes off?"

he asked, wiggling his eye brows at me.

"no, now take your shirt off, i dont even want to know what it is you have down the front of you."

he looked down at it confused before shrugging and doing as told.

"anything else you want me to remove?"

he said reaching out for my hand and holding it, looking up at me intently.

"shoes, off."

i demanded and he smiled widely at me, kicking them off.

"pants too?"

he said seductively. i rolled my eyes.

"only if you dont want to wear jeans to bed but you had better have underwear of some kind on this time izzy stradlin or i swear to god."

he laughed before standing up and undoing his pants, and there it was, of course he wasnt wearing any. i groaned and turned around.

"oh come on y/n its not like you havent seen it before, you practically lived here for three months."

i shook my head and went to his dresser.

"i know that izzy but that doesnt mean you have to just have it out all the time."

i shook my head and grabbed him some underwear and pajama bottoms, tossing them his way. i didnt want to look but it was kind of hard to miss, he was standing fully nude now in the middle of his bedroom, hands on his hips in fully glory.

"get dressed."

i demanded, making him laugh again before doing as told. i crossed my arms over my chest as he fumbled around to get dressed, plopping back down onto the bed when he was done.

"better?"

i asked a little annoyed, walking to him and trying to tuck him in. getting him under the covers was more of a task than i thought it would be.

"wanna join?"

he asked, raising a brow and smirking at me.

"no thank you, i have my own bed in this house."

he grabbed my hand and pulled me forward. i caught myself before i could fall into him and was face to face now. he smelled like vodka and mint.

"please? itll help me sleep better knowing youre here."

he said, pouting. i sighed.

"fine, but im only doing this to make sure you dont vomit in your sleep and kill yourself."

he smiled widely before scooting over and letting me in, me kicking my shoes off first and readjusting the dress i had on. before i knew what was happening he was snuggled into my side, face pushing into my neck and arm around my waist. my eyes got wide as he got comfortable.

"iz?"

he hummed in response.

"what are you doing?"

he just shushed me. a minute later he was snoring softly and i was left there in the dimly lit room defeated.

°°°°°°°°°

when i woke up i could smell something burning, making me jolt upright. izzy wasnt in the bed next to me like he was last night and it was only ten thirty. i found that odd given that we didnt even go to bed till almost four. i stood quickly, flattening my dress down and making my way down the hall to the kitchen. i stood in the doorway dumbfounded at the sight in front of me. there was izzy, smoking a cigarette and cooking breakfast. bacon and pancakes by the smell of it.

"morning sunshine."

he said fairly chipper, taking a sip from his mug. i raised a brow, pushing my bra strap back up onto my shoulder.

"morning."

i said confused. i stood and watched him flip the pancakes.

"you just gonna stand there all morning or are you gonna come eat?"

he half laughed at me, looking up with light eyes.

"uh yeah, sure."

i said slowly, trudging to him and taking the plate he offered up.

"drink?"

he asked, picking up the second mug that was on the counter. i took it without think and went to the bar. as soon as i took a sip i cringe.

"what the hell is this izzy?!"

i asked setting the plate down.

"orange juice and vodka."

he said matter of factly and i just sighed in defeat. no wonder he was so happy. that asshole still had alcohol in his system and was just adding more.

"you are gonna feel like shit later."

i noted, walking to the sink and pouring it down the drain. he sent me a wicked smile and cheersed me before taking a drink.

"i promise its nothing but coffee for me after this."

i sent him a disapproving look.

"sure it is."

he finished stacking pancakes onto his plate and joined me at the counter, sitting in the bar stool beside me.

"so, how did you sleep?"

he asked, resting his leg against mine comfortably.

"fine."

i said shrugging. he sent me a weird.

"you were in bed with me and just slept fine?"

i laughed at him and shook my head, pouring syrup on top of my food.

"well it wasnt exactly fun. you were so drunk it was a task to even get you into pajamas, much like last time you werent wearing anything under your jeans which i dont appreciate."

i said sternly and he smiled to himself, nodding like he'd accomplished something.

"yeah i forgot about that."

he said proudly. i rolled my eyes, taking a bite.

"well youre wearing some now and thats what really matters."

i said and he laughed.

"no im not."

i looked up at him with wide eyes.

"when i got up to pee earlier i realized i was wearing them and took them off, fuck that."

i sighed deeply but didnt respond. i just shook my head and kept eating.

"do you like it?"

he asked and i raised a brow.

"breakfast i mean."

i nodded.

"yes its very good."

he smiled widely at me.

"great cause its my apology for last night."

i looked at him confused.

"i know im a handful when drunk, hell i know we all are. you always take care us though, so i guess its a thank you too."

i smiled at him.

"thanks izzy."

he leaned over and nudged me with his elbow.

"dont mention it."

[clown-bait]

Monster Sneak Peek! (Monster Roommate AU)

To prove that this fic isn't dead heres a sneak peek at the next chapter for the monster roommate au! This chapter is proving to be LONG but this first half was a blast to write. To recap Leech had gone missing and Penny had to ask for some help. He wasnt happy about it.

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A screech echoed though the old barn of the former Hanlon sheep farm. Leech glanced furiously around the stall she was in. A moment ago she was full and happy then suddenly a cloth was pressed to her mouth and a bag over her head.

“WHO THE FUCK IS THE IDIOT THAT CHLOROFORMED ME!!” The vampire roared “CAUSE I’D LIKE TO KNOW WHO’S HEAD I’M RIPPING OFF FIRST!”

Her head snapped in the direction of footsteps and she tried to charge with supernatural speed but felt a chain attached to her neck snap tight. The nosferatu snapped her jaws in frustration.

“Ok guys get everything ready make sure the cameras are rolling and somebody wake up Chris” Zander shouted as he approached the struggling vampire.

“Don't worry we’re going to help you.”

“BITCH THE ONLY HELP I NEED IS FINDING SPACE TO STORE YOUR LEFTOVERS!!” She snapped.

The ghost hunter pulled a cross from his coat and held it out at the nosferatu who began to hiss loud and sweat. He quickly put it away at her reaction.

“She's possessed all right, did you see how much she recoiled in terror? this is definitely a powerful demon were dealing with here”

“Demon?! Motherfucker I'm friends with demons, you wouldn't know a demon if it came up and bit you in the ass.” Leech spat and pulled on her chain.

“Note the foul language and denial. The creature that has ahold of her is definitely scared and trying to protect its self.”

“Protect myself from what? This shit show excuse of a reality tv exorcism? Tell ya what, if you free my hands i’ll spew pea soup at big boy over there and speak latin backwards. These shackles are tight as fuck can’t a girl get a little comfort?”

“Gosh its foul mouthed.” the bigger ghost hunter said to the team.

“Yeah thats how they are bro it's definitely going to try to provoke us. Whatever you do don't engage.” Zander said to his team mate while placing different items on a table

“You started it.” Leech mumbled. “What are those?”

“We're going to force you out of this poor girl.”

“AH! So its to be torture! I can cope with torture.” Leech flashed a cocky grin and wiggled her eyebrows expectantly.

“Did you…. steal that line from Princess Bride?” the bigger ghost hunter Rick asked her.

“Eeeyyy! Someone finally gets my references! And to think I was gonna eat this guy first!”

“RICK don't engage it!” Zander hissed

“Found our villain! Now tell me do you have six fingers on your left hand or am I gonna be calling you Humperdink”

“I think it was the right hand” Rick interjected

“Huh no shi-OW FUCK JESUS CHRIST!!!” Leech screamed as holy water was flung at her face by the lead ghost hunter. A cluster of painful burns began to bubble on her skin where the water had landed. “RUDE!”

“Silence demon!”

“I’M NOT A DEMON! GOD you are like the biggest edge lord! What’s next? You gonna start shouting bible verses too like they do in the movies?” she snarled as Chris walked in the room.

“Z I had the weirdest fucking dream.”

“Not now bro we’re doing the exorcism.”

“Yeah poorly. Bet you dickbags got all your training from bad horror movies and porn parodies.”

“Sheesh that thing is nasty” Chris winced

“Demon Dick 5?” the Rick asked as his companions glared at him in shock and annoyance.

“One of my favorites Rick. I like this guy have him do the exorcism!”

“We've already wasted enough time!” Zander shouted and picked up a book from the table he began to read a passage and Leech dramatically pretended to hiss and writhe her tongue lolling out of her mouth. “Hahaha Man oh man if Phil could hear you guys talking about him like this he'd be laughing with me just as hard! Shit wait somebody text him for me!”

“Why would we do that? Also who's phil?”

“Oh right, Phil is Satan we used to play poker together before my boyfriend banned it from the house. Not my doing for once lets get that clear.”

“Don't listen to a word its saying guys”

“Aw come on Humperdink let me just text my buddy once” her eyes flashed white over in Rick’s direction before being splashed with holy water once again. The nosferatu’s skin sizzled and steam rose from her burns. “J-just….text…LOL getting… a half assed….exorcism…hit send…. mph there.”

Chris glanced over to Rick who’s eyes had rolled up into his head he was holding her cellphone which just buzzed with a notification. “RICK SNAP OUT OF IT!” he shouted and turned to the grinning vampire pelting a rock at her face. “LET HIM GO”

Leech spat as the stone broke her nose and looked back up sticking her tongue out through the black ichor dripping down her face.

“CHRIS! Control yourself!” Zander shouted and Leech winked back at the two.

“Read it Ricky!” she smirked.

“I-it says R-O-F-L cant be there, at yoga getting this ass….its a picture of a goat and a woman’s back side” Rick’s eyes rolled back down and Leech vomited a small amount of black goo onto the barn floor. “Phew that took more out of me than I thought” she muttered and panted.

“RICK!”

“I'm sorry she did something to my head!”

“Ok but can you at least show the picture though?” the vampire asked looking up from her now bruising eye and nose.

“NO!” the other two ghost hunters turned and shouted.

“OH COME ON! I wanna see that booty”

“WOW this thing is terrible!” Chris glanced over at Zander who was prepping to try another round of bible verses.

“I know bro this is one of the nastiest ones we've dealt with! This is pure evil we’re dealing with here.” The lead ghost hunter clapped his friend on the shoulder reassuringly.

“Aww I'm blushing! you really mean it?!” the vampire shouted to them

“Bro hand me my rosary.”

“What are those? Anal beads? So you HAVE seen Demon Dick 5!”

Zander got close and began to shout “IN THE NAME OF JESUS CHRIST I COMMAND YOU TO GET OUT OF THIS WOMANS BODY”

“Hahaha that was totally a direct quote.” Leech laughed again but was cut short when the silver cross dangled in front of her face “FUCK GET IT AWAY!” She hissed and the ghost hunter dangled it closer to her. Leech could feel her skin burn with heat where it drew close. The ghost hunter threw another wave of holy water at her and she hissed in pain face turning skeletal for a second as her skin sizzled. “A-all right if were gonna get straight into the kinky stuff we should at least have a safe word. Mine’s usually Float.” she tried to joke through the pain. Her skin was on fire with the crucifix being so close.

“Z I don't think she's a demon” Rick said tugging on his leaders arm

“Rick I’ve been at this way longer than you I know a demon when I see one”

“Bullshit you're doing this all wrong. Plus Im not a demon I can prove it too if you hand me that orange.” Leech panted.

“I don't know Z this could be a trick” Chris said with worry.

“Look have you ever seen one do some of the shit she just did? Just hand her the orange”

“Fine Rick. Fine. We’ll humor you but if nothing happens we’re getting right back to the exorcism.”

Zander rolled the fruit over to the vampire who glared up at him from her knees “You gonna undo my hands so I can eat this?”

“No.”

“Weeeelllll fuck you then! So much for what’s left of my dignity.” she grumbled and bent down to the floor biting into the fruit as best she could to suck out the juice. “Ahm hoing to rerhet hiss ho huch…” she said while her fangs sunk in. Leech came up with a weak expression on her battered and burnt face looking nauseous and dizzy. “You're all gonna wanna stand back when I- HURK!” the vampire suddenly lurched forward and spewed out blood and guts onto the barn floor in an inhuman amount. She kept going for a solid five minutes until Leech was slumped over supported by the chain around her neck. “Huh, is that an engagement ring? Shit I need to chew my food.” she wheezed before emptying the rest of her stomach contents.

“WHAT THE FUCK?!?!” all three ghost hunters screamed in unison.

“Yeah lets see Pazuzu pull that shit!” Leech grinned declaring victory before shouting at some unknown force in the ground “YOU HEAR THAT ZUZU? I JUST OUT WEIRDED YOU! WHATCHA GONNA DO NOW BITCH!? PEA SOUP GOT NOTHING ON ME!”

“Zander! If this is not a demon then what the hell is she bro?” Chris turned to his leader in a panic

“Nosferatu.” a vaguely familiar female voice said walking into the barn “What you're dealing with is a nosferatu.”

Leech sniffed the air and snarled in disgust.

“Fuck.”

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So thats what I got right now second half will be Pennywise’s embarrassing freakout. Lol Leech would be the type to get kidnapped and text her friend something stupid instead of calling for help. Hopefully Penny can get his idiot out of this cause she aint doing much for herself. 

[sanjipussyindulgence]

Bloody Ocean Waves: Chapter 1

My arms wrapped protectively around my legs as I curled into a tight ball, doing my best to disappear. The cold bathroom tiles chilled me to the bone. I didn’t feel well enough to get up and get dressed. My extreme lack of body fat wasn’t really helping either. Fuck I can’t remember the last I ate, though there’s a good reason for that…

Monsters don’t deserve to eat.

My stomach growled loudly which echoed throughout the large bathroom. Yeah thanks body really needed that reminder, not like I’m already fully aware of how hungry I am. How could I not be when it’s always so painful. Even if I wanted to eat, which I very clearly DON’T, there was nothing around for light-years. I left my only food source back on Earth.

I could always just ea-

I shook the thoughts from my head before they could finish. It’ll never come to that. I’d willingly launch myself into space to prevent that. Especially considering the mess I’m in right now. The thing with being one of the saviors of the entire known universe, you aren’t allowed to be weak. But I’m weak. So all I can really do is pretend I’m not. Just keep pretending until it’s true, right? I breathed heavily while my thoughts wandered to my family back on Earth.

They were all “monsters” like me. But they’re the best monsters in the whole wide galaxy. None of us had ever killed, we only fed on the already dead. Mostly suicide victims. Mama always taught us how to hide, we weren’t allowed to live without the constant fear of being found out. Papa was the “hunter” of our family, he was the only one with a job when I was growing up. He had to care and feed for a large family of seven ghouls. Big sis was never ashamed of being a monster like I was, she would always help dad with the “food”. When someone was having a bad day she’d even make us special treats. I never asked her how she made them, I didn’t want them ruined for me. Her name never seemed to match her. Lola meant “sorrows” yet she was anything but.

I never knew my big brother, he was caught before I was born. Mama didn’t like talking about him. Rosa or as I called her “Poco”, ‘cus I was the older twin, was never the same after she lost control for the first time. My bright and curious little sister was gone after she refused to eat for too long. She tended to keep to herself after what happened. Thankfully Mama stopped her before she could kill anyone but… Mama still has the scar. I’m afraid I’ll end up like her, not that I’d survive if I lost myself out here. Either the guys would kill me or I’d do it myself when I come too.

Last were the little twins Verita and Paz, or as I like to call them the little troublemakers. Despite being twins they looked nothing alike yet they were basically the personality-wise. You could never see one without the other. And when you saw neither of them it meant trouble was coming. Mom and Lola were forced to get jobs because of the now larger family. And since I was the eldest I practically raised them myself. Though Poco used to help before her accident. The twins are still too young to understand just what we are.

It’s pretty rare to find a family of ghouls nowadays. Our lifestyle is too dangerous to bring children into, when someone is born a ghoul they might have well been born dead. But I can’t bring myself to be mad at my parents for their choices. They wanted to be happy, they wanted to be human. I can understand the feeling. Anyone would prefer to be human instead of a human-eating monster. I just wish I had a choice to be something else.

I guess I got my wish. I was accepted into the Galaxy Garrison, the top military school for space exploration. I even got promoted to a fighter class pilot, even if it only because the top pilot dropped out. And god was I reminded of that everyday.

“Why can’t you be more like Keith, Lance?”

“Oh if only Keith hadn’t dropped out.”

“Why are you even here Lance.”

But I still tried every day while I was there. I wanted to be more than a ghoul, I wanted to be an astronaut. I wanted to be like my hero Shiro. But I never succeeded no matter how hard I tried. I guess monsters aren’t allowed to have dreams. But then I found a giant mechanical space lion with Keith, Shiro, Hunk, and Pidge. Then that lion chose me as her pilot and the five of us were sent far away from our planet.

We were thrust into a galaxy ruined by another kind of monster, The Galra. Purple space aliens that had spent the last 10,000 years ruling and expanding their empire. We met Allura and Coran, more aliens, that told us we had to pilot five ancient lions that combine into the legendary warrior “Voltron”. We were told we had to fight this war because no one else could and if we didn’t Earth would soon be conquered. I didn’t even have a chance to say goodbye to everyone, they probably think I’m dead.

It seemed everyone sans me took to the whole “savior of the universe” thing. Shiro was an escaped prisoner of the Galra who wanted to make this universe free once gain, he was our super cool leader. Pidge’s family were taken prisoner by the Galra along with Shiro and she spends every moment she can looking for them. Keith aka Mr. Im-super-cool-and-dont-try-with-anything-but-still-succeed-because-im-so-PERFECT was meant for this life, a life of battle and bloodshed. Hunk took the longest to reach his full potential, I mean he’s still incredibly nervous and panicky about everything but after seeing what the Galra are really capable of he started to grow into the role.

Meanwhile, I’m just here starving. I’m not a good leader like Shiro, or a stupidly talented hacker like Pidge, or a super skilled fighter and pilot like Keith, or even a great chef and engineer like Hunk. I don’t have a “thing”. Well, my thing is being a bloodthirsty and murderous monster but I try to forget that. But I’m not allowed to show my ever growing weakness so I cover it up with bad flirting and even worse puns and jokes. I’m the weak link already, I can’t let myself be even weaker by showing just how unstable I really am.

Not that anyone seems to notice, no one thinks anythings wrong with “jokester” Lance. Guess I should be happy no one knows about how fucked I really am. Wonder if that’s because I’m such a good actor or because no one cares to look deeper. I’d guess on the latter. Even Hunk and Coran who like me only like the front I put. They’d all be either terrified or murderous towards me if they knew I’m a ghoul. Ghouls don’t really have to best reputation with good reason. After all, we are superhuman, human-looking, and human eating monsters.

I raised my head from my knees. Guess I’ve sulked here long enough, not that anyone would really notice my lack of presence. I picked myself off the ground and walked over to where I left my clothes before taking my shower. That happened to be in front of a mirror. I looked at my reflection, our malnourished bodies that really showed how long it had been since we’ve had a meal, our still damp hair that hung over our borderline skeletal face, and just how human we looked. For the first time in awhile I let my kagune out. Bright blue pupils quickly changed to a deep red with a black background that leaked red veins onto my face. Funny how I can barely see the ones on my eyebags, guess I haven’t been sleeping enough lately either. A brightly colored “tail” sprung from my tailbone. It was made up of countless shades of blue that collided and bled into each other before ending into a white seafoam-like color at the tip. This “tail” was of course my kagune, a special organ that only ghouls have that can manifest outside the body. It kind of looks like when an ocean wave hits a rock that sprays seawater everywhere. The coloring and shape were the same. I’ve always loved the ocean. I used to think my kagune was beautiful when I was young and naive. Now it’s just a reminder of the monster I really am.

I relished in my monstrous appearance for a few minutes before tucking it away. I can’t afford to be found out. No matter how much it hurts to keep it hidden for so long.

Monsters aren’t allowed comfort.

I quickly got dressed before leaving my bathroom and into my room. Though it wasn’t really my room since I left that back home. This room was missing the glow in the dark stars glued to the ceiling and walls, the posters of various shows, the waterbed my mom finally let me get after years of begging, my surfboard I’d always hang over that same bed, but most importantly it was missing the sounds of a family of seven living together in a small house. Poco and I used to share that room before her accident, after that she always just slept on the couch. I guess she wasn’t comfortable sleeping next to someone.

I left my room and stalked down the long and empty halls that made up the ship. Most of this place was empty and abandoned with only me exploring the many rooms scattered throughout the castle-ship. I guess the others had better things to do. Either way, I love finding new secret rooms that I can use for whatever I want. Sometimes if I just forgot about everything and watched the colorful galaxies swirling into each other while bright stars twinkled all around me, I enjoyed myself. I love space I mean I wanted to be an astronaut, of course, I love space. I guess it’s not the worse place to die in hindsight, just wish I said goodbye to everyone. Man, I’m pretty damn depressive today. Well enough moping I’ve got a galaxy to defend and a space princess to save.

On our last mission Princess Allura was captured by the Galra and was taken to their home base by the order of Zarkon, leader of the Galra. Our ship was currently traveling by wormhole to get there after all of us, sans Keith the dick, decided to rescue her. While we were indeed traveling pretty fast to her location The Galra were still about an hour and a half away from us. When we first entered the wormhole Shiro ordered us all to get prepared for the upcoming battle. I went to take a shower and ended up moping for a lot longer than the healthy amount but whatever it’s totally fine~

The ship’s intercoms sparked alive.

“Paladins we are nearing The Galra’s home base, get to your Lions!” Coran’s voice echoed throughout the empty hallways. I quickened my pace to Blue.

Once I reached her hanger she sprung to life shield going down and eyes brightening up. She switched from her sitting position to rest her head on her paws with her rear high in the air with a grace that shouldn’t be possible from a giant robot. She looked like a dog. I rested my hand on her snout and I felt her purr resonate throughout my mind. Guess she could tell I’ve been having a shitty day. She’s so beautiful and wonderful and caring I love her so much how can a mechanical lion be this adorable. Not wanting to waste any more time I quickly hopped into her cockpit and took control of her movements. I switched the intercom in my helmet on was met by an eerie quiet uncommon of our radio station. I guess everyone knew just how serious this was, after all, we might just lose a teammate today. Whether it was a Paladin or the Princess didn’t matter. This was without a doubt the most dangerous mission we’ve been on so far since we first became Paladins of Voltron two months ago.

“Blue Paladin ready for action!” I spoke into my helmet’s mic to alert the others I’ve made it to my lion. A cocky tone seeped into my voice. Hopefully acting like nothing was wrong could bring the mood up.

“Lance what took you so long?!” Keith, The Red Paladin, spoke first.

“Even Hunk got here before you.” Pidge, The Green Paladin, was next with a halfway serious halfway teasing comment.

“Hey! I’m not that bad...” Hunk, The Yellow Paladin and the human embodiment of everything good and pure in this universe spoke next.

“Guys focus! Lance’s here now and that’s all that matters.” Our very own Black Paladin Shiro was quick to defuse the situation in his typical leaderly manner.

“Paladins we’ll be exiting the wormhole in exactly thirty ticks!” Coran’s voice rang through our helmets. Ticks are like a second I think? Wow did I show up late.

“Everyone we only have one chance to get Allura and escape, the moment we leave the ship we form into Voltron and hit fast. Our only objective here is to save her and escape remember that. Don’t do anything reckless.”

“Fifteen ticks!”

“Is everyone ready?!” Shiro commanded.

“YEAH!” We all responded in unison.

As the seconds counted down all of us kept silent in anticipation. Ten seconds left. I could feel my nervousness bleeding into my mental connection with Blue, she was quick to send me her own feelings of an oddly mother-like calm. Five seconds left. I flexed my fingers around Blue’s controls and took a deep breath in. Three seconds left. I let it lose just as the ship exited it’s wormhole.

“NOW!” Shiro orderly loudly, we were all prepared.

All of our lions flew out of their hangers in perfect sync and out into the cold vacuum of space. The Galra base was right in front of us and it was huuuuuuge. The main battleship was easily the size of a moon or a small planet with numerous smaller battleships surrounding it. And surrounding that was this huge mechanical ring. It was a terrifying sight to see so many of those warships at once, it was difficult for Voltron to take down one of those things let alone thousands. This was no time to get distracted. As our lions flew in sync all of them starting changing shape. The red and green lions became arms, the blue and yellow lions became legs, and finally the black lion became the torso. As Blue’s cockpit shuttered and shook I could tell she was connecting with the other lions. Where five lions once were now stood a multicolored humanoid robot. This was Voltron, legendary defender of the universe. Voltron… wasn’t moving?!

“What’s happening?” I cried out.

“Something’s wrong with Black I can’t control her.” Shiro called out, it obvious that he was trying to keep the panic out of his voice. After all, if our leader doesn’t have a cool head then none of us do.

“Uh guys we got company!” Pidge shouted as the hundreds of Galra battleships unleashed their fighter drones while their heavy cannons started charging. Those cannons could level a city in one blast and we are currently a giant multicolored STATUE. I know I said I wasn’t gonna be super negative for the rest of today but we are so fucked right now.

“Shiro what’s wrong?” Keith asked in a mix of concern and panic.

“Black is rejecting me for some reason!” Just as he spoke Voltron split apart leaving five dazed lions and their equally dazed paladins. Wait no make that four dazed lions and five equally dazed paladins. The Black Lion ejected Shiro from her cockpit before flying full speed towards the Galra home base, to Zarkon. Shiro, like the truly badass leader he is, quickly regained his hold on the situation.

“Alright change of plans Pidge you help me get into that base to rescue Allura. Keith you keep Black from getting to Zarkon. Hunk, Lance it’s up to you two to keep the Galra distracted!”

He all nodded our agreement in sync. Or at least I think we all nodded I mean I nodded but I can’t really see the others but- whatever let’s just say we all nodded.

As I took off towards the nearest cluster of Galra fighter drones I saw Shiro getting into the Green Lion alongside Pidge who then switched her ion into stealth mode. Hunk followed me as quickly as he could in the admittedly slow Yellow Lion. No offense to Yellow though I know he’s a real sweetheart just like his paladin. I mean if anyone knows how much a sweetheart Hunk is it’s me I mean I’ve known him forever and he always bakes me stuff even though it tastes disgusting to me, being a ghoul and all, but I always eat it anyways and yeah I know that’s not healthy bu- OH SHIT LASERS.

I veered Blue sharply to the right to a sudden barrage of Galra laser fire. Right, I can’t get distracted right now this is serious, especially if I ramble when I’m nervous. Not allowed to ramble in battle. I turned this sudden right turn into a tailspin to move Blue towards a mass of drones. There were a lot of them, I’d say like thirty, but they’re all pretty close together. So ice beam it is then. I swiftly charged up Blue’s ice beam and it struck the drone fleet dead on, I mean of course it hit dead on I’m the sharpshooter of Voltron. Even though I’m the only one that seems to think that- I’m getting off track again. About twenty of the fighters were rendered unusable from that blast and the remaining ten split off.

I aimed the regular beam towards three fighters that flew away together to make their own little group and fired. Blue’s laser beam hit one of them right through the cockpit causing it to crash into another ship, destroying both in a pretty cool looking explosion. That just leaves one left for me, assuming that Hunk takes care of the other five that flew off. It charged towards me guns a blazing. I gracefully avoided all the shots by rapidly dipping and spinning Blue around. Soon the fighter was up close enough to grab. I launched Blue at the drone and her massive jaws crushed the cockpit of the ship, she then threw the ruined fighter drone at another one that was closing in on us. The drones collided into each other began spiraling out of control, what a good kitty. I felt Blue’s affection come in mental waves at the compliment. I turned around and sped off towards Hunk who I saw had finished the five fighters that had split off and was now taking down a new cluster of drones.

The Yellow Lion was relatively short-ranged compared to his sisters but was perfect for close-range combat with its heavily armored body than could bash and bite better than any of the other lions. Hunk was perfectly aware of this fact and was taking down enemy after enemy. It was a super cool sight to see not that I should be watching instead of fighting. I was about to launch Blue into battle but something stopped me. I saw that a nearby Galra battleship had finished charging it’s heavy cannon.

“HUNK DUCK!”

But I knew that the Yellow Lion wouldn’t be fast enough to evade the blast and even if he was the most heavily armored none of us could take a laser like that head-on. Without a second thought I sped Blue right into the side of Yellow, knocking him and his paladins out of the blast range. I piloted Blue into a nosedive to escape the blast range but it was too late. Just as we were about to escape the cannon fired. Blue’s lower half was directly hit. Suddenly I was shot out of my chair in Blue’s cockpit and violently thrown about as Blue was knocked by the blast. Fortunately my hard ghoul skin and rapid healing factor kept me awake, or unfortunately since I was being smashed into every wall and panel in Blue’s cockpit repeatedly.

“LANCE!”

I was thrown against the right wall once again but Blue had stopped moving. The cockpit was completely dark, or it would have been to a regular human but hey night vision, as Blue’s power had cut out. That only ever happened when she was really injured. I hastily pulled myself over to the piloting and hissed in pain when I sat down. That’s totally a broken tailbone. My lungs pressed painfully against my ribs making it difficult to breathe, so a few broken ribs as well. Hopefully, none of them puncture a lung, a ghoul’s healing can only help so much. Blue’s cockpit flickered alive though the blue light was dimmer than it was before.

“Sorry beautiful.” I said softly as I grabbed hold of her controls.

“Lance are you okay??” Hunk sounded like he was on the verge of a panic attack, better calm him down fast.

“Yeah I’m cool, both in health and personality.”

He breathed a sigh of relief. Now that Blue’s monitors were online again I could that Yellow was braced against Blue which is what stopped that roller coaster of pain earlier.

“Thanks for the save.”

“Are you sure you’re okay that blast looked really bad.” Ah Hunk, always the worried mom friend.

“Yeah yeah no I’m super it’s gonna take more than that to take out the great blue paladin of Voltron.” I get the feeling that Hunk didn’t believe me, he was always the one who could see through my act. Better change the subject before he presses more.

“Hunk I need you to take out as many cannons as you can, I’ll handle the drones for now.”

“But you’re injured!”

“Hunk please I’m fine but neither of us will be if the rest of the cannons start firing.” I pleaded with him.

“Alright...” He sounded concerned as he usually is but he took off to the nearest Galra battleship without further complaints. I trusted that he could handle himself.

I launched Blue at the nearest drone fighter and she easily tore into it. Another ten or so surrounded us as we finished off the first one. I fired her ice beam to my right and it froze two fighters solid while the rest scattered. I would have liked to chase after them but Blue’s pretty banged up, I don’t want her to get hurt anymore. I could feel her in the back of my mind reminding me that I’m also banged up. Instead of chasing after them I flew in the opposite direction and activated the long-term cannon, or as I like to call it the “sniper rifle”. Ahead of me, there were two drones heading for us. They swerved left and right rapidly to avoid being hit but that’s alright, patience is key for a sniper. I waited as they closed in on us. In their random swerving they had accidentally lined up, but it’ll only be for a second.

Now!

I shot a beam directly through the one in front that passed through its cockpit to blow the wing off of the one in the back. The fighter drone in the front exploded and the other veered off coarse before crashing into the body of a nearby battleship. I allowed myself a small whoop of joy. Now I don’t mean to toot my horn but- okay no I am totally tooting my own horn that was awesome. Man I wonder if anyone else saw that.

“Paladins I have been safely returned to the castle and am now preparing for a wormhole jump, everyone returns to the ship!” Allura’s angelic voice rang throughout our radio channel, looks like Shiro and Pidge got her out without much problem. Thank god she’s safe now.

“Looks like we’re heading back babe” I said softly to Blue. I was just about to turn around and fly back to the ship but the action was short by a sudden scream in my ear. It was Keith’s voice.

“KEITH!” I heard the others scream.

Looking to my left I could see The Red Lion getting its mechanical ass kicked by- ZARKON?! Apparently when Keith hears “Protect the Black Lion from Zarkon” he translates that to “Go get your ass kicked by Zarkon”. What a modern Einstein we’ve got here. Well looks like I’m gonna have to step up as the hero here, out of my duty as a Paladin of Voltron not because I care about him. I had Blue launch herself at the two figures at top speed.

The funny thing about Keith’s battle against Zarkon was Keith was piloting a giant space lion while Zarkon was piloting nothing, he was winning without even a spaceship. Oh man why am I getting into this I’m gonna die. Oh well, might as well go down swinging I guess. Maybe I’ll get a sweet Viking funeral or like a really cool tombstone that’s got my face carved into it so even in death people can appreciate my beautiful face. That’d be pretty sweet. I’m rambling again oh man I’m totally gonna die.

Blue crashed right into Zarkon right before he could strike down Keith, who was currently sitting in the cockpit of a powered down Red Lion. Zarkon jumped back and out of Blue’s reach before he could be crushed but it gave me just enough time to grab Keith and get out of here. I had Blue pick up Red by her scruff, does she have a scruff I mean she is a cat but a scruff is just a bunch of flesh on the back of a cat’s neck and robots don’t really have flesh ya know? Whatever I picked Red up and I started my very heroic escape. I heard Zarkon scream in anger behind me and it was pretty damn terrifying, not that the heroic Blue Paladin of Voltron was easily frightened.

“Haggar don’t let anymore escape!” He hissed. I’m pretty sure Haggar was that druid lady that hung around inside their ship. Looks like the others had made it to the ship though considering how pissed he sounded. But how is he expecting some hag inside their ship to do to us? Honestly kind of stupid- what the hell is that.

Behind me I saw what I could only describe as something ripped straight from a fantasy game. A beam of purple lightning was coming from the castle and headed right towards Keith and I. It didn’t look like one of the ship’s weapons, it looked like magic. And I knew what a Galra druid’s magic could do to someone.

“Lance dodge!” Oh looks like Keith finally came to good work there champ totally didn’t know I had to avoid the magical death beam.

I couldn’t move Blue away quick enough, not while carrying Red as well. The beam hit both lions dead on. Words cannot describe the pain that rocked my entire body. It felt like someone with cold, sharp, and wrong hands were ripping me apart and putting me back together. I could feel those hands everywhere. I could feel them stroking my kagune even if it wasn’t out. Each stroke felt wronger and more painful. It was like very secret I’ve hidden was torn right out of my body. Oh god, my eyes are gonna pop out of my head. I heard someone screaming, I wonder if it was me or Keith.

Then suddenly the pain was replaced with an extreme lack of breath. All the air had been knocked out of my body and all of my limbs felt heavier than should be possible. I collapsed back in my chair while trying suck in a breath of air. I felt uncomfortable in my own skin everything was wrong. Whatever that witch did she knew what I was now. I could still feel her gripping my tail and pulling as hard as she could. I could feel her ripping open my eyelids and pressing her fingertips down into the sockets. Oh god I think I’m going into shock.

“Lance! Keith!” I heard Shiro yell as Black stood protectively over the collapsed Blue and Red Lions. I wearily pulled myself out of my stupor and gripped Blue’s controls just as she came back online. The moment she was awake she filled my mind with calming and concerned thoughts. I shook my head slightly and mumbled “’m f’ine” to both my team and to Blue. I could hear Keith groaning in the background, looks like he’s doing just as well as I am.

I stood Blue up just as Black picked up Red by her not-scruff and took off once Shiro was sure I could pilot Blue back to the ship. I followed behind as quickly as someone who might be in shock could, I don’t think Zarkon was following us. I hope he wasn’t I can barely keep my eyes-cold nails tracing the sides of my pupil- open. Before I even knew it all three of us were back in the castle and I could hear the rest of the team talking to each other but it sounded really mumbled to me. Surely I could take a quick nap now that we were back at the castle…

Wait, I hear them yelling at each other something’s wrong. I can’t sleep yet oh god what are they saying I can’t focus.

“-ormhole!”

“Corrupt-”

“Can’t stay toget-”

“PIDGE!”

“HUNK!!”

“LANCE NO!”

Huh? When did Blue leave her hanger, why are we outside? Why am I in a wormhole? Why’s Keith about to crash into me-