#shepherds of haven mc

[chouettecrivaine]

BREAKING THE DAWN - an OC introduction template link - @youngmrclaus lark art cred qilan belongs to @yuechicake lark exists in the @shepherds-of-haven universe!

Lark has gone through a ton of lore upheavals and additions, so I decided a reintroduction was in order! and also this template was beautiful so i had to use it :3c I also wanted to see how her backstory diverted from the canon story with her soulmate Qilan thrown into the mix!

(Having trouble reading? This post is transcribed beneath the cut!)

LARK VAN LAAST

CALL SIGN - dawnbreaker

AGE / SEASON - mid 20s / winter

GENDER / PRN - female / she / her

SEXUALITY - bisexual

TRAINING - self-taught

OCCUPATION - commander

RACE - hunter-mage

"

They are singing all around you

With heavy shovels holding earth

You're being buried to your neck...

Being buried quite alive now

The Antlers, Epilogue

"

HEIGHT - 5'5 (165cm)

COMPLEXION - very fair

DETAILS - scattered freckles (all year)

HAIR COLOR - navy blue (white streak on her right side)

EYE COLOR - stormy gray

EXTRAS - wire rimmed glasses (when not on duty)

Lark wears her straight, shoulder-length hair in a milkmaid braid style to keep it out of her face. If she’s really in a pinch, she’ll put it in a bun, but she rarely lets anyone see her with her hair down unless there’s an emergency in the middle of the night.

Her skin is pale enough that she almost looks bloodless, though she can easily blush. She has freckles dotting her entire body, even during the winter months when there isn’t much sun.

She carries two swords; her main, typical broadsword and a smaller xiphos style sword for closer combat and emergency situations. She is a psionic mage with an affinity for bewitchments and enchantments.

-

POS. TRAITS - sweet , patient , loyal / NEU. TRAITS - quiet , gloomy , clever / NEG. TRAITS - wily , self-sacrificing , hesitant

ALIGNMENT - neutral good

TEMPER - gentle

LIKES - birds, needlework, cold weather

DISLIKES - lies, raucous taverns, plans for the future

GOALS - To rid the world of the demons that lurk in the shadows, purging the land of all the parasites that bleed the life from those foolish enough to get close - even if she believes herself to be such a parasite, too.

After spending so much time alone and watching tragedy befall those around her, Lark eventually withdrew into herself and stopped making efforts to form strong bonds with others. She remained polite and helpful, but also cold and detached. She is a pack animal at heart, though, and dreads how easily her icy defenses can be melted.

Lark has developed a bit of a silver tongue and is an expert liar, but she can not stand when others try to fool her in a non-survival situation. She is frequently underestimated and assumed childish for her kindness and goodwill, which often erases her struggles and her capabilities. She can smell a lie from a mile away and cuts those people off before they can start - she’s much less fragile than others think.

-

AESTHETIC - spirit animal / AESTHETIC - element / AESTHETIC - flower / AESTHETIC - weather / AESTHETIC - texture

BACKSTORY

Lark spent most of her time in Maj running errands for the villagers who couldn't leave their work and taking lessons with each of them in the hopes of becoming a well-rounded leader one day. Her favorite skills are embroidery and the musical instrument taught to her by the village grump. She also takes care of her father’s chickens and hands the eggs out every morning. The village is dusty and far from well-off, but the people are kind and know how to celebrate their harvest, whether it be meager or bountiful.

After the destruction of Maj, she fled, unable to take the sorrow and guilt. She had no real direction, hoping instead for some mercy and perhaps a guiding hand. Instead, she was lured into servitude by a cruel Norm merchant. He ran a shop peddling antiques and oddities and blamed the various Diminished indebted to him for the failing business. He was prone to anger and wasn't afraid to punish them in ways that endangered their lives. Shortly after Lark arrived, she experienced the “mysterious disappearance” of one Diminished who dared to disobey. Another Diminished, a Wilds mage named Damiane, took Lark under her wing and became a sort of mother figure for her. Years ago, Damiane had taken a loan from the merchant to get medical care for her child, who unfortunately ultimately passed away. She stayed in his care to pay off her debt and bc she doesn't have any more family to go back to. Through her tutelage, Lark learns that she has an affinity for birds and begins to communicate with them.

Lark is eventually told to frame two twin Diminished wind mages, Calder and Inia, for stealing from the store, thus trapping them under the merchant's thumb. Inia is immediately suspicious of Lark’s involvement in the scheme, but Calder treats her gently. He is the one who teaches her to put her hair up in milkmaid braids. However, the twins don't take orders or instructions easily, and when the brother eventually gets sick, the merchant refuses to provide medical care for him as punishment. After Calder passes, his sister eventually enacts her revenge by setting the shop (and apartment upstairs) on fire. Lark barely escapes after Damiane pushes her into the street at the last second, trapping herself inside.

Lark ran from town and made a living by settling for a short while and selling embroidery and outfit repairs. Eventually she hid away in a large town and took up a guard position in front of a jewelry store. Working with her was a ket mage named Airell. He had the same stoic attitude as is typical of most with Ket blood, but he warmed up to her and agreed to teach her how to properly use a sword. As such, her swordsmanship is a combination of basic Ket techniques and an unrefined defense of a rural girl. The owner of the store was nice enough to Lark and Airell, but his son was a problem child. Airell eventually learned that the son planned to rob the store and frame the Diminished guards in a ploy to cash in on his father. Knowing the owner would never forgive them for harming his son to stop the crime but would also believe if his son said they robbed the store, Airell gave Lark false orders to wait at the town gate for a shipment while he apprehends the son. Airell is detained as a result of trying to stop the heist, and the son managed to frame him for part of the crime. The owner fired Lark, knowing she was close to Airell and no longer trusting her.

She then took up mercenary work, protecting merchants and traveling caravans. Finally, she has withdrawn inside of herself, keeping to herself as most employers want and parting upon reaching the caravan’s destination. On one of these missions, she met a mage named Qilan. This mage was private, just as she was, but Lark could tell that they had a similar story. For the first time since her thirteenth birthday, Lark felt content and at ease - though she didn’t dare speak these feelings out loud. She and Qilan share a brief relationship until they part ways…but they eventually meet again when they are both contracted to protect Prihine on the way to her wedding.

Lark doesn’t have much of a chance to reconnect with Qilan, but the same draw between them is there. When a demon breaks into the wedding, Lark is inexplicably pulled to reach out and grab Qilan’s hand as they both say a Word of Power, successfully saving both Prihine and Caine as they stop the demon. That is how they learn (partially, at least) that they are soulmates, and that their shared Words are stronger when they are cast in tandem.

[fran-does-things]

I’m definitely very late to the party, but I’ve finally finished the profile for my @shepherds-of-haven MC! Oh well, better late than never, I suppose. She’s loosely adapted from an old DnD PC of mine from a CoS campaign that I had such a blast role-playing! It took a while to hammer out all the details, but I’m really proud of how she turned out!

Anyway, without further ado, please allow me to introduce you to Cecilia Niriviel, Hero of Haven, and gaslight gatekeep girlboss extraordinaire!

(also, if you saw me delete and then reupload this post like 3 times, no you didn’t <3)

(Warning: The following excerpt contains vague references to events that occur in Chapter 9 of the Alpha build) “On the contrary, my friends, I think this is actually one of the better outcomes that could have resulted from that conversation. As much as it hurts my pride to say this, even I must admit that I’m a bit out of my depths when it comes to all this… old magic stuff. But blackmail?” At this, she smiles; a sharp, predatory smile that would have sent chills down the spines of the toughest of men. “Blackmail, I’m very familiar with. If that woman thinks that she’s the only one capable of playing dirty, then it would seem that her little homework assignment into my past wasn’t as thorough as she thinks it is. Oh, this is going to be so much fun!” - Cecilia Niriviel, in a conversation with her allies at the Sun Court.

Some Additional Fun Facts that I Couldn’t Include in the Original Profile

Chase has a whole host of nicknames for her, including, but not limited to: ‘blondie’ (her hair really is very blonde), ‘doll/dolly’ (owing to her large, round eyes), and ‘princess’ (this one comes up often when he’s teasing her for being particularly fussy/diva-like)

Celia has a particularly tumultuous relationship with beauty, like many women do, I’d imagine. She’s always been regarded as very conventionally attractive, which means that, for better or for worse, her looks are often the first thing (and main thing) that people notice about her. This has unfortunately led to her having developed a sense of self-worth that’s wrapped up in her appearance in some pretty destructive ways. A lot of her behavioural quirks are manifestations of this core belief. One of the absolute worst things that anyone, particularly a lover, could do to her is to make her feel as though her looks are the only thing that she is valued for; I think that would really crush her self-esteem and lead her down a horrible self-destructive spiral.

She loves cats. Or any other cute, small animals, really, but especially cats. If she sees a cat, she will immediately drop whatever it is she was doing to either pet the cat or just coo at it from afar if it doesn’t want to be touched. Her very obvious love of small animals is what helped to endear her to Tallys and Shery in the early days of her joining the order, who either wasn’t too sure whether she could be trusted (Tallys) or found her a bit intimidating at first (Shery).

When it comes to her stance on love, she's what I would describe as a 'closet romantic'. After a string of bad experiences, I think she’s convinced herself that she’s just not cut out for all this love business , but deep down she’s always retained that innocent, child-like romanticism. When she was a little girl, she’s always been fascinated by fairytales about brave knights and princesses, of soulmates, and of the power of true love; and I think there’s a part of her that’s still in love with the idea of love and is still waiting for her one true love to show up! (Just you wait, Celia; little do you know, your prince charming is sneaking up on you like an assassin in the dark ;))

She doubled as a black-market informant during the years she spent working as a courtesan, selling information about her wealthy patrons to anyone willing to pay her a hefty sum. Listen: long story short, the girl was stuck in a predatory labour contract, and she needed to make money somehow if she wanted to get out of it sooner rather than later! Occasionally, she would also take on small jobs like stealing, smuggling things, etc… It helped that she had developed a few contacts in the local thieves’ guilds from her days as a street-child who would go on to help her get her foot in the door, so to speak. This line of work has never really bothered her; most of her patrons were, in her eyes, nothing but predatory, hedonistic pigs, though there are some crimes so heinous that even she’s not willing to abet in it, or some people who she just couldn’t bring herself to harm. This is a time of her life that she looks back on with a little shame and remorse, in her later years. Just a little.

Celia was partly inspired by my own struggles with overcoming trauma. I’ve always been fascinated by the ‘femme fatale’ character archetype, and she is, in a way, my take on a deconstructed version of that trope. I think of her journey from ruthless mercenary to renowned hero as less of a redemption story, or of a battle between the good and evil within, but more of a story of healing and growth. A story of someone learning to overcome their maladaptive behaviours and moving past traumatic life events. Learning to stop being beholden to events that have long transpired and to allow yourself to just live life the way you want to live

Her closest friends in the Shepherds are Chase (twin!), Lavinet (bestie!), Tallys (big sister!), and Riel (co-mastermind for world domination!). She also has a particular soft spot for all the female Shepherd captains. I’d say the characters she has the most interesting dynamic with are actually Chase and Briony, but this is a story for another time!

There is betting pool among the officers on who Celia is involved with. Funny enough, for a very long time, Riel is generally considered the top contender, not Blade, which is just hilarious on so many levels. I think a lot of the officers tend to excuse their more suspicious interactions as just... Celia being Celia (read: a notorious flirt) and Blade being Blade (read: a stick-in-the-mud) and can’t fathom the idea of them getting together. On the other hand, Riel and Celia just play off each other really well, so I can definitely see some of the Shepherds extrapolating a romantic connection from their professional synergy. It doesn't help that they’re often seen together on the off chance that they both have some time off, or that they primarily communicate through cryptic looks and subtle eye-glances. I imagine that once Blade and Celia's relationship becomes official/more public, it would cause a mild panic among the recruits because "I thought she was seeing the other commander? Wtf is going on???"

Bonus: In a pre-relationship crushing stage, poor Blade is probably 4th on the officers’ betting list of ‘who is Commander Niriviel secretly fucking’, right below Chase and Briony. Chase and Celia practically invented platonic flirting, and there many who mistake Briony and Celia’s frequent sleepovers/girl-talk sessions as something far less innocent than it really is. At this point, I’m pretty sure she’s been suspected of sleeping with pretty much all of the captains at one point or another. Being the busybody social butterfly that she is, Celia’s definitely heard most if not all of these rumours, but she really doesn’t care enough to do anything about it most of the time, plus she finds some of these rumours to be so preposterous that it’s actually kind of funny.

I had no idea that Celia was going to be a Blademancer, and yet here we are! I really thought it was going to be either Chase or Red, but I think it just wouldn’t have worked out quite as well. The slow burn comes from the fact that both Blade and Celia currently have their heads stuck far up their asses, albeit in different ways. It takes Blade a while to realize/accept that he's even in love, and while Celia is self-aware enough to realize when she's falling for someone, she's not emotionally mature enough to deal with it in a normal way. There was a lot of screaming and cursing and "this can't be happening to me; I don't fall for people!! People fall for me!!!" They both learn to get over their fears and hesitations, however, when they realize just how much life and vibrancy the other brings to their life. I like to think that Celia helps Blade come out of his shell, to learn to be a little more selfish when it matters and helps him enjoy the beauty in life; meanwhile Blade is a grounding force for her; he sees past her smokescreens, reminds her of her goodness, and makes her want to be a better person.

If you've made it this far, thank you for indulging me in my ramblings about a fictional character! There may be more Celia content coming in the future; I've been thinking a lot about the events of Chapter 4 and might write something on that. suffice to say I've honestly really fallen in love with the game and with its cast of characters. I've found myself with a lot of free time this week (clearly) and have finally caught up to the update, and all I can say is that Celia and I are both currently having the time of our lives watching the drama unfold. Can't wait to see what else is coming next! <3

[shepherds-of-haven]

wish it was cool and acceptable to write fanfiction of your own work, especially before the original work is actually done 😂

[choco-dawn]

New obsession just dropped >:D my friend recommended me a wonderful IF called Shepherds of Haven and i just had to get had to get my grubby drawing hands on this and try to draw every character in my style (Ignoring the last girl thats my just my MC I added her to make it even- i love her tho) alongside a bunch of other silly doodles cause i love the writing!!! and these characters!!!! i love the found family!!!!!!!!!!!! go read it!!!!!!!

[natkidding]

just some quick doodles of red and Renka then Renka with his zori, then Ae with their own Zori

[oderu]

shoh dump part 1

[jae-draws]

can i say something—

[teeth-draws]

He’s trying to be cool about it but he shouldn’t have opened that and you should probably get out of there…

[pirunika]

no one:

my shepherds of haven mc:

[mandoart]

its her! my mc again lol

[if-rambling]

Decided to make my Mc from one of my favorite IF’s “Shepherds of Haven”

Name: Captain Edric Talward

Heritage: Hunter

Education: Self taught and he is proud of it

Affinity: Elemental mage. Do not ask him to do any other type of magic he zeroed in on that one affinity type

100% to physique, swordsmanship, magic, and astral

85% to gunslinging

Now here’s some random thoughts and relationships I like to imagine he has with some of the others

Caine is his little brother and he is spoiling him as much as possible. One of the people he’s closest to

Don’t know what exactly his relationship is with Trouble but they need to get a fucking room. Trouble is his main RO and he is trouble’s ride or die

Honestly he really respects and gets along with blade pretty well. Most likely one of the first people edric will seek out for advice

Edric most likely constantly bugs Halek with questions about Hunter culture since he’s so excited to finally have another Hunter to talk to again. Very close friendship

Briony is also one of his besties. Edric just enjoys her overall attitude and matches her energy

Shepherds of haven is such a fun and interesting IF. I highly recommend for big fans of magic fantasy like me. The humor and character dynamics are so much fun to read plus the plot is so interesting. Really need to resub to the Patreon one of these days. Here’s the picrew I used to make Edric

[chouettecrivaine]

Came from shepherds blog to say your mc lark lore is soo good i love her omg?? And how gagged i am by the fact you came up with the idea of another oc that shares words of power wow .... mind elaborating on ur hc for if they share them, have them individually, more how they met etc? : )

AHHH NONNIE U HAVE NO IDEA HOW MUCH THIS MEANS TO ME <3 tysm........i'm so glad you love my special girl....

also the second OC isn't mine!! Qilan belongs to @yuechicake and we come up with their intertwined story together!!! We don't usually go for the same love interests in otome games/VNs/IFs so we find it fun to pretend whatever MCs we create are in the same universe and of course they're besties and lovers and everything in between

BUT for Qilan and Lark specifically, I would LOVE to give you a run down! This is your warning for slight alpha spoilers (although i'm like 99% positive most of it is stuff that's already on the blog through asks and such.)

So basically, their story plays off of the original MC's story in SHOH. Qilan and Lark were made from a final burst of power of the god to increase the likelihood that somebody would be able to save the world from the invasion of Hael. After all, what's better than one hero of Haven? TWO Heros of Haven! They're soulmates, literally and figuratively. Literally one soul cleaved in half with a girl built around each piece. Each other's better (and worse) half. We've come up with a lot of symbolism for them, actually: Lark the sacrificial lamb and Qilan the sacrificing priest; Qilan the sword and Lark the shield; Qilan the hero and Lark the spare. They both are incredibly special and important to the other, but Qilan has survival hardwired into her brain and Lark has it in her head that she's destined to die before the war is over. They play off of each other really well ^u^

We haven't come to a strict number on how many words Qilan and Lark have, but in my head I gave them a singular extra one so that they could both have the canon backstory and use one on their birthday and still start off in the Shepherds with seven. Other than that, they just kinda have to hope they're on the same page about using them lol. And, in true magical girl style, their Words are more powerful when said in unison or when cast when the girls are touching each other. Imagine being a demon and two of the prettiest girls you've ever seen fucken GET YOU with a friendship beam. Embarrassing 😳 

The general rule for what counts is, as long as it's cast at the same time / they decide in unison / they're physically touching when they do it AND it's directed towards the same creature or purpose, it counts as a single Word and is more powerful than if they cast one by themselves. (Generally it is more labor intensive to do this though!) Otherwise, if they use it without knowing the other one is using one / not intending to be doing it in tandem, then the Words are counted separately. Qilan and Lark don't have any rules for the other about using them if one is absent. They trust each other's judgement! If Lark used a word while Qilan was still at base, Qilan wouldn't be mad and would just be glad Lark got back safe (and it would be the same if the roles were switched). They can tell when the other uses a word, like a voice whispers the new count in their head or something.

Also, Qilan's R/O is Chase and Lark's is Trouble, but they're all in a nebulous polycule, the true dynamic of which some of the Shepherds take bets on. (Simplified, Lark and Trouble are a straightforward couple, Qilan and Chase are unspoken forever partners, Lark and Qilan are two halves of the same soul that kiss sometimes, Chase and Trouble are boyfriends in law, and Chase to Lark/Trouble to Qilan are usually “that's my special girl's special boy” and vice versa)

Liya and I haven't set up a 100% true meeting for Qilan and Lark, but in general our current theory goes like this: prior to the job of escorting Prihine, Lark and Qilan were assigned to the same caravan on separate mercenary jobs. Diminished typically are cast to the side during meals and stops, so the two of them wound up near each other inevitably over their own meager fire. At this point in their story, both of them are incredibly guarded. Qilan doesn't let anyone in and charms others before a true conversation can ever really start, and Lark keeps up a distant, polite front without ever reading further into conversations. But they both feel this pull with the other, a sense of comfort and familiarity that they've never had before. They bond, and it all feels natural…a relationship that might not have disastrous consequences. 

(Also, if you look at Liya's blog, you'll see that Qilan is in tune with her sexuality and a lot of times her character is a fun push and pull of power and vulnerability, lust and devotion, etc etc. And since Lark often times occupies the end of the spectrum that is opposed to Qilan......Qilan and Lark definitely banged during the caravan is what I'm saying. Both as a way to demonstrate their closeness and also it's a big deal for Lark to feel that level of comfort so quickly. And also they're literally soulmates and hot of course they're going to)

Anyway, as I mentioned, since their souls are literally mirrored halves, they just kind of....naturally click? Neither of them can explain it, and it's actually incredibly out of character for them to feel so connected to someone at all, let alone so quickly. So they would keep tabs on each other regardless, knowing that this was a soft spot they didn't know how to protect. Luckily they happened to like each other when they met ^u^

When they have to part ways they do so willingly - there isn't a tearful goodbye or anything, because even though they are bonded they aren't quite attached yet - but there still is a secret lingering knowledge that they are connected. That they'll find each other again and again, and now they know who to look for.

Qilan and Lark are pretty comfortable with each other by the time they are both enrolled in the Order, however. They just gravitate towards each other: sitting together during meals, spending time off together, training together, and they probably try to figure out just how connected they are! Soon enough they're inseparable and the Order knows that where one goes, the other will probably be close behind. Even when things get more serious with their R/Os, it's an unspoken rule that they're a package deal lol

And as far as missions go, there isn't really a “canon” for who goes on what mission, it just kinda depends on what we want to write (or what's funniest). For some missions like the investigation into Black Sun, it's easy to imagine they're both on that mission but they took different routes. Maybe Qilan chases after Chase and Lark goes to tell Blade what happened. They would choose together if they went to investigate the factory or the party, but if they choose the factory then Qilan would go with Chase and Lark with Blade and Trouble. Just little things that don't matter much, and it can change on a moment's notice to serve our needs!

Everything else is a vibes based decision! Liya and I have been friends for a while and we know how the other typically likes to write their OCs, plus as friends even if the other does write something OOC it's either a new character trait to consider or the OC just had a “do it for the vine” moment and it works for the fic so it's fine lmao. This is an AU after all and we are both focused more on character-driven oneshots than actually making their placement make sense within the whole story of SHOH. Most of the time we can just pretend they're on the same mission but doing different tasks if we need the girls to be alone with their R/O or something lol

Buuuut yeah!! The tl;dr is that they are soulmates who understand each other on a deeper level than anyone else. They are both parallels and foils. And they should NOT be separated or Blest WILL get blown to pieces.

[glass-eie]

My @shepherds-of-haven mc Rosie (he/him) as a vampy vamp for Halloween teehee

Ft. A dumb little extra w Chase lol

[shepherds-of-haven]

Imagine an MC saying sumthing like "I should've romanced X instead" to Chase lmao

MC: I knew I should have kept your romance points at 15 🫤

Chase: what

MC: what

[rhythmic-idealist]

Chase Trinaeste POV Shepherds of Haven fic? Yeah………….. Chase x MC fic? Yeah.......

And another friend’s OC is also mentioned in here? …..Yeah…………… dw about it..........

Listen though. L-listen:

---

You gotta learn to braid.

Thinking about it, your head is immediately gifted with images of him irritatedly brushing it out in the morning and chewing you out for bad technique. Better yet, he wears it to breakfast, thinks it’s good, and then chews you out only after Trouble makes some no-brained comment and he looks in a mirror for the first time. After all, you’ve got nimble fingers, makes sense to assume you were trustable.

Rock’s head is in your lap.

And his hair is going everywhere, and he’s always clearly taken his time with it (at your best guess he uses five different products at least), so that’s why you’re thinking about it. Don’t people with long hair sleep with braids, sometimes? Lavinet would probably teach you, and do you the favor of not announcing that you’re about to use your skills for evil.

He’s been like this since about five in the morning. You’re a light sleeper. As needs be, you rise either with the sunset or with the sun. Or elsewise, if you’ve got to— you have what some might call an uncanny sense for a well-timed catnap.

So you’re up again, working out the couple little kinks in your back from dozing upright like that. It’s another of the perks of the job: learn to sleep anywhere. You have a lot of little resume filler skills like that, just a tragic lack of resume to put it on. Idly, you wonder over the nonsensical notion of putting one together for the Order once your writing gets good enough to, and you’re kind of attached to the idea now. Blade wouldn’t read it, especially considering you’re already in, but there’s some small giddy joy you get out of the idea of putting it in his possession anyway. Maybe Trouble would read it. Maybe Shery would think it’s juicy enough that she can’t keep her hands off it, and then roll in the guilt about it for a few weeks after. ...No, you can’t do that to her. Funny as that is, she could read with permission. You might be cruel, but she’s a horrible choice of target.

Anyway— So you’ve been watching him be like this since about five in the morning, and thus have evidence of him being like this since about five in the morning. You remember falling asleep late last night, though. Waiting for him to drift first. It was probably one, two AM.

When six-thirty rolls around, you’ll have to wake him, you have a bright and early morning dose of espionage on the schedule today (it’s why the two of you are all the way out here, plus Lavinet and Ottilie graciously hosted in another wing) and you can’t have a grouchy Hero of Haven who hasn’t had a good hour or more awake to put his silver tongue back on.

Something something joke about that tongue’s many talents.

Head in lap is a surprise at all. It’s one of those things— Rock has done this thing to you where all your defenses are the ones that keep coming down first.

It feels a little like getting grifted. When you’ve caught onto a grift, though, and you’re playing along to see what or whom or where they take you to, you don’t feel like you’re in danger, because you’re good. You’re in as much danger as you want to be, or more like: when there are unpredictable variables, you know more or less where they’re going. Rock makes you feel like you’re teetering on the edge of something you don’t fucking play with, and it doesn’t help that he likes to open his mouth sometimes just to remind you you’re rolling off a cliff.

Anyway. Then you get this, and you wanna be a charming shit about it, as usual (and you intend to), you just also wonder how much he’s falling off a cliff.

He gets bad nightmares. You know that because of the trip to the Reach. You do also know it because of the tightness in Blade’s lip when you mentioned it offhand later— there’s history there; they’ve been worse than that. You also know it because you picked the brains of a couple recruits who were standing around griping after Trouble sent them for something like twenty laps around the compound (not a real intuitive head for numbers on that man): apparently, it was Captain Nomura they’d been gossiping about, and Trouble was a hardass about it.

It’s the one thing that makes you feel borderline… even. If not even, then at least okay with it.

That’s a lie, you’d probably feel okay with it anyway, you got down to being okay with whatever he’s doing to you the minute you realized you were this invested. It’s just something you use to put things in perspective. There are things you didn’t exactly expect to peel open for him, about you. But there are also things he’s not asking to broadcast publicly to every hard-luck-fleer who wanders onto the Shepherds compound to recruit. Rumors about the head of the Thieves Guild abound, but the unflattering ones are usually less true, and the untrue ones abound so plentifully that no one knows heads or tails of that, anyway.

Feels fair he should have secrets from someone. You’re still gonna fucking dig your way into them before they bury him alive, it’s just. Yeah, you haven’t had your brain pulled open onto a projection screen.

So he has nightmares. You’re not actually sure how often. Technically, you don’t have proof they haven’t gotten better since you last heard. But since you’re not bound to the same evidence requirements as a court of law, and since it’s become a roulette game of how grouchy Rock’s gonna be minute-to-minute, he was dodgy about the prospect of rooming with you or anyone on this mission at all, and he’s recently had a god or demon or trick of the light try to tell him (plus all of the rest of you) that he’s less Mage and more something else’s torn out rib, you can look at two plus two plus two and say probably.

You’ve learned how not to dream. It’s basically the same as learning how to wake up when you want to. When you did dream, you dreamt of mutiny, imaginary holes you left and getting torn down through them. You were always yourself in your dreams—some people are characters, tropes, or other people they know, apparently; you wouldn’t know. Now you keep that in the waking world, and you keep ten paces ahead of it.

That’s the thing you’re deadly sure about in him. That he’s keeping ten paces ahead of something. You—your whole tether to his side—account for anything from like one to like eight of them, as far as you can tell. That’s all you know.

…Well that’s the quick way to tell it. He’s keeping ten paces ahead of something inside the Shepherds. Could be Blade, but you’re not sure why. Could be the Autarchy, but that’s too simple for you. Doesn’t feel like it. Could be Ottilie’s God-given plans for a pretty obvious heathen, but your nose also says it’s not that easy.

He looks dead asleep right now. Comfy, you’d kind of go so far as to hope. And anyway you look at his face, still waters, and you’re a little afraid to even brush his hair out of it.

You don’t even know if he meant to lay his head down on you at all, if that’s a cliff he made his shaky peace with (or if it’s a cliff at all, if means anything to him, Hael if you know) or if he was just miserable.

You don’t know if it’s you, like the stillness might be the effect of having another body in the room that he’s willing to lay his head against— …or if maybe he just doesn’t get them every night. Or if there is one under there. But you hope he’s not dreaming.

You try to bask in it, for now. Try to pose like a king with a sweet little kitten in his lap, like a guy painted on the front of a romance novel with the sweet, innocent angel he’s seduced to lay over him, nightgown slipping down her shoulder. You spend an hour with only walls to watch, dutifully still so he can finish sleeping, and it’s only a small handful of times that you have to stop and breathe through a creep of bile up your throat.

Six-thirty hits.

“Good morning, Sunshine.”

“Mmf. What.” Rock spits a strand of hair out of his face. Yeah, you probably could have done him a favor on that instead of leaving it there for him to wake up to. But it’s funny, so, you know. Win-win.

“The sun is shining, the birds are chirping, Ottilie’s slaughtering her morning chicken—” (she is not).

Rock seems to parse the reality of where he is, and peels himself up from you, sitting facing away from you— and then he glances at you over his shoulder, for a moment, and everything about it is horribly, disressingly raw.

He looks at you a little too long. The thing about Rock is his rules are a lot like yours, and you are not supposed to say anything about it, but he’s looking at you, like he’s asking you to, and it lasts a long time.

Then he goes to brush his teeth.

[natkidding]

i miss them,,,,