#she-ra bisexuality visibility zine | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

imwastingmylifeinhere · 5 years ago

Text

OMG they were roommates

My piece for the @spopzine She-Ra Bisexuality Visibility Zine! I had a lot of fun in this zine. I hope you like it!

Read on ao3.

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Catra knew she wasn’t a saint. Sure, she hadn’t killed anyone, despite some people pretty much begging her to do it, but she wasn’t a shining paragon of kindness and morality either. She had done her fair share of breaking and entering, defacing public property - even though her graffiti was an obvious improvement on her old high school - and she could be a plain jerk sometimes. So she wasn’t going to win a Nobel Peace Prize anytime soon, but there were also a couple hundred people worse than her who existed.

So why, oh why, was she being tortured like this?

"Hey, Catra, have you seen where I left my sports bra?" Adora came out of their shared dorm bathroom dripping, her wet hair plastered against her collarbone and neck. Only the towel wrapped around her, held in place by a very muscular arm, prevented her from being fully naked in front of her roommate. Her cheeks and neck were flushed from the warm shower she just had. Droplets of water ran down her toned arms and thighs, as if Catra needed any more reason to ogle them.

Adora looked like Aphrodite herself had materialized in their dorm, only this time ripped and with an undercut. Catra would die defending the fact that this Aphrodite was better than Botticelli’s version.

"It's - it's over there," Catra said, pointing at the headboard of Adora's bed. Adora kept doing this, forgetting where she left her clothes right after having a shower, and she always asked Catra where they were. Catra had given up teasing Adora about her forgetfulness - she had a lot on her plate, after all, what with her sports scholarship and double major.

“Why do I always forget?” Adora muttered, snatching up her sports bra. Catra tried to keep her eyes on the sketch she was working on for class and not on Adora’s back. She failed. “Thanks, Catra!”

With Adora back in the bathroom to change, Catra let herself face-plant onto her pillow. Don't get her wrong, she was glad to be roommates with Adora, even if their first few weeks living together had been tense - emotional baggage due to your shared childhood trauma could do that. They had made up though, and quickly went back to being an unstoppable duo. They fell back together like puzzle pieces and Catra had never let herself admit how much she had missed Adora until then.

You’d think she’d be satisfied with having her best friend back, right? Nope, her childhood crush had to come back, spurred on by Adora’s obvious win over puberty. Now Catra’s stuck living in a tiny, overpriced room with her goddess of a crush who’s lost any trace of body consciousness after years in locker rooms. Just her luck.

Catra had managed to get back to her sketchbook and not look like she had just been screaming into her pillow right when Adora came out of the bathroom again, in nothing but her sports bra and underwear. Despite her side of the room being much tidier than Catra's, Adora took a long time to pick out what to wear. She stretched to grab one of the t-shirts she put on her higher selves, the muscles of her back flexing, she shook her hips as she got into her jeans, she bent over to find her shoes under her bed.

Catra had long now noticed Adora’s dressing routine, courtesy of not being able to take her eyes off her. She’d basically memorized it, from her happy smile when she found what she was looking for, to the movements of her arms as she pulled her hair in a ponytail. It was slow and methodical, much like Adora’s attitude towards many things. Being able to watch even such a simple, domestic part of Adora’s life made Catra feel warm and content. She wanted to put her sketchbook aside, wrap her arms around Adora’s waist and tell her how beautiful she was, how much she cared about her.

She never did it.

“I’m going out with Glimmer and Bow,” Adora said, shoving her keys in her pocket. “You’re still up for movie night, right?”

Catra smiled. Adora asked her the same question every time, even though Catra never gave a different answer. “Duh, of course. Don’t forget the snacks.”

“I won’t.” The door closed behind Adora and Catra was left alone in the room.

Time to start the plan.

~*~

Catra's previous confidence had left her when the moment finally came to put her plan into action.

She and Adora had a tradition of having movie nights every Saturday. They had been doing it since they were children, even back when Ms. Weaver only allowed them to watch the same three movies over and over again. After they reunited and made up, they had decided to revive the tradition.

Catra loved these nights. She and Adora would sit on her bed, their sides pressed together with Adora’s laptop balanced on their laps. All the lights in their dorm would be closed and in the darkness, with Adora’s body heat warming her up better than the blanket around them, Catra felt like she was home.

And what was Catra’s plan? To ask Adora out.

It had taken her a long time to muster up the courage. Scorpia had been on her case about it for months; she had even insisted that Adora walked around their dorm in minimal clothing as a way to flirt with Catra! As if!

So here Catra was, sitting on Adora’s bed, watching a Marvel movie she didn’t particularly care for and munching on popcorn to keep her nerves at bay. Come on, Catra! You can do this!

Catra looked down at Adora’s hand between them. Just - hold her hand and ask her out. Easy.

It wasn’t easy. Her palms were sweaty and her heart was beating so loudly she was surprised Adora hadn’t heard it. Maybe I can do it next week - no! That’s what I’ve been saying for the past month. I’m doing this and I’m doing it tonight!

A quick glance to the side told her that Adora hadn’t noticed her internal struggle. Her eyes were trained to the screen, a smile on her lips. The blue light coming from the laptop made her look almost ethereal, as sappy as it was for Catra to say that. Sue her, she’s in love.

Just as Catra was about to take the leap, Adora spoke up. “Damn! Chris Hemsworth looks so good in that armor.”

Catra’s hand froze where it was hovering over Adora’s. Her stomach dropped. The previous frantic beating of her heart disappeared.

“I’m still salty they cut off his hair, though,” Adora continued, oblivious to Catra’s slowly cracking heart. “I liked him with long hair.”

It was as if someone dumped a bucket of cold water on Catra, and suddenly she could see clearly. Of course a girl like Adora would be straight.

Of course she never had a chance.

~*~

Catra barely stayed in their dorm over the next two weeks.

She felt bad about crushing on Adora and trying to hit on her. So much for not falling into the ‘predatory lesbian’ stereotype. She wanted to just ignore it and go back to the way things were before she realized she had fallen for her best friend again.

But she couldn’t. Adora had been acting different since that movie night. Particularly, she wore more clothes around their dorm. Gone was her routine of lounging around and doing homework in a sports bra and shorts, or coming out of the bathroom in only a towel to get her clothes. She wore t-shirts, even when the temperatures got higher and Catra knew she wouldn’t even have thought about wearing it before she went and fucked everything up. She always remembered to bring clothes with her into the bathroom and she came out fully dressed, despite always forgetting before.

To make matters worse, she kept stealing glances at her whenever she thought Catra wasn’t looking. She looked so uncomfortable, and Catra hated that she made her feel like that.

So she stopped being around. When Adora would come back, Catra would leave with a half-baked excuse about meeting up with Scorpia, or being tutored by Entrapta, or returning a library book. She hardly knew where the library was!

So here Catra was, slumped over on a stool at Scorpia’s bar, bored out of her mind. It was still too early in the night for Scorpia’s regulars to start trickling in and there were only five people in the bar, Scorpia and Catra included. A glass of orange juice sat by Catra’s head on the counter and she entertained herself by flicking her finger at it and watching the liquid slosh.

Scorpia, a woman way too intimidating for how sweet she actually was, had been working as a bartender in this bar when Catra snuck in during her last year in high school after a particularly bad fight with Ms. Weaver. Scorpia had taken one look at her rugged appearance and puffy red eyes and dragged her to the back room, where she proceeded to take care of a very reluctant Catra. They became friends after that, especially when it turned out Scorpia attended the same college Catra had gotten into. As much as Catra pretended that she didn’t want her around back then, she couldn’t deny that she was one of her best friends.

But damn, was she an aggressively caring person.

“Okay, that’s it, wildcat,” Scorpia said, slinging the towel she was cleaning the bar counter with over her shoulder. “You need to leave.”

“It’s still too early,” Catra said, not bothering to lift her head from where it was nestled in her arms on the counter. “There are no people here.”

Even though Scorpia let Catra hang out at her bar, she had a rule that Catra had to leave when the place started filling up with actual customers, at least until she was of legal drinking age. Despite Catra’s protests, Scorpia never budged.

“That’s not what I’m talking about. You need to talk to Adora.”

Catra’s heart skipped a beat. The guilt she was trying to fend off by shutting off her brain came back full force. “No.”

Scorpia grabbed Catra by the armpits and lifted her up, forcing her to sit upright. “Come on, wildcat. You’ve been avoiding her for two weeks -” Catra opened her mouth to talk, but Scorpia lifted a finger. “Don’t argue, we both know that’s what you’re doing. I mean, tonight is your movie night and you’re here! And this is the second movie night you’re missing in a row!”

Catra stared off into the bar. She knew she was acting like a pouty five-year-old, but she didn't care. "I don't want to talk to her."

"Maybe, but you need to." Scorpia sighed. Catra knew that sigh. Scorpia was going full mom-friend mode. "You're miserable, wildcat. Even Entrapta noticed you acting differently. I don't know what you and Adora fought over, but she cares about you. I doubt her reaction will be as bad as you think it will if you talk to her."

Catra didn’t respond. Her blood ran cold at the idea of talking to Adora. She was a coward and she knew it, but if she was good at one thing it was burying her feelings so deep she forgot they existed until they came back to slap her in the face.

"Plus, now there are actual customers coming in, so you do need to leave."

Catra groaned. The bar was filling up. She couldn’t stay here and avoid her problems any longer. She grabbed her things and headed to the door.

“Good luck, wildcat!”

When Catra made it back to their dorm, she was drenched from the rain. She had goosebumps all over, and they weren’t from the cold. She hoped Adora was asleep. She wouldn’t need to face the fear that sat at the pit of her stomach then.

She took a deep breath and opened the door.

“Catra!” Adora sat up so suddenly on her bed Catra was surprised she didn’t fall over. Her hair was in its usual ponytail, but instead of being tidy and perfect, it was a mess, hairs flying all over the place. She put her phone back to her ear, murmuring some quick goodbyes to Glimmer and Bow before hanging up on them and rushing to her feet. “You’re back! Where have you been?”

"Scorpia's." Catra moved past her, grabbing her clothes from her bed. "I need to change."

Adora grabbed her wrist. “Catra.” She looked nervous. You made her feel so uncomfortable, idiot. “Can we talk?”

Catra wanted to say no. She wanted to ignore her screw up until it went away. But Adora was looking at her with such pleading in her eyes that she couldn’t refuse her. She scoffed. “Yeah, fine. Just let me change, I’m dripping all over the floor.”

Adora’s eyes widened. She let go of Catra's wrist and jumped back. “Oh! Yeah, yeah, you’re right. Um, go ahead.”

This is gonna be fun.

Half an hour later, Catra exited the bathroom, fully washed and changed. Adora was waiting for her, pacing the length of their room the way she did when she was nervous about an exam. She perked up like a puppy when she saw Catra, but Catra didn't miss the way her fingers twitched at her sides.

Catra sighed, plopping down on her bed. Adora sat next to her without a word.

"What did you wanna talk about?" She winced internally at her tone. She didn’t want to sound so dismissive, like whatever Adora had to say wasn’t important, but she was scared. It was as if she was putting up all the walls Adora had managed to bring down in hopes it would hurt less.

Adora took a deep breath, her hands clasped in her lap. "You've been avoiding me the last two weeks-"

"I haven't." Catra slumped further into the bed. She refused to look at Adora.

"Yes, you have!" Adora's voice raised in pitch, becoming almost shrill. Catra bit into her cheek hard enough to draw blood. Adora only ever sounded like that when she was really stressed. "We live in what's basically a big closet, did you really think I wouldn't notice?"

"Yes, because I'm not avoiding you.” Catra glared at Adora. “I've just been busy."

Adora rolled her eyes. "Yeah, busy hanging out with Scorpia and Entrapta, who say you weren't with them half the time when I ask, or at the library. Do you even know where the library is?"

She didn’t, but Adora didn’t need to know that.

Adora was frazzled, her face red. Catra cursed herself. She thought she had gotten better at this - at not pushing people away before they had the chance to hurt her. Stupid.

"Look, Catra.” Adora laid her hand over Catra’s, her voice much quieter. “You're very important to me. I care about, and even if it's not in the same way you do, I don't want to lose you. I'm sorry I made you uncomfortable-"

Catra sputtered. "You? I'm the one-" She cut herself off. Why do I always ruin everything?

She always did this, didn’t she? Every damn time things were looking up for her, she just had to sabotage her own happiness. Why did she even open her mouth? Adora was offering to put the whole debacle behind. Wasn’t that what she wanted?

Adora leaned in. She was so close Catra could see the flecks of gray in her eyes. "Catra? What is it?"

Catra couldn’t look at her. "Nothing. Forget it." Don’t ruin it now, idiot.

"Catra, please. Just talk to me.” Catra could feel her warmth against her side, could hear the desperation in Adora’s voice to fix whatever had come between them. “What were you going to say?"

Catra knew she would hate herself for this, but what could she do when Adora sounded like this? Like their friendship was falling apart and it was her fault. Maybe things between them would be awkward from now on, but Catra preferred that to Adora being hurt and blaming herself for Catra's screwup.

Her nails dug into her arms. Her voice was barely louder than the patter of the rain outside. "That I'm the idiot who fell for her straight best friend."

Silence fell over the room. Adora was frozen, looking at Catra like the words she had spoken did not make sense. Catra held her breath, unsure of what Adora was going to say.

She did not expect Adora throw her head back and laugh.

Catra’s heart sank to her stomach. She tried to stand and get out of the room, but Adora grabbed her hand and pulled her down.

"Catra, wait! I'm sorry, I shouldn't have laughed."

Catra scoffed and looked away. She ignored her burning eyes. Her pulse thundered against her neck as she waited for Adora to speak.

"You really thought I was straight?" Adora finally asked, giggling as she spoke.

Wait, what? Catra didn’t know what was happening. This wasn’t how she expected this conversation to go. Even so, she wasn’t going to let Adora see how confused she was.

She shrugged. "You said that guy in the movie was hot."

Adora, to her credit, tried not to laugh again. She didn’t do a good job at it. "You know being bi is a thing, right?"

Catra’s eyes widened. She jumped up like the bed was made out of fire. "Shit!"

Adora giggled, and Catra would be angry at her if she wasn’t freaking out. She was such an idiot! "You never thought about it, did you?"

"No!” Catra was pacing up and down - Adora rubbed off on her - and she gestured wildly with her hands. “I just panicked and then I refused to think about you in general and - my god, I'm so stupid!"

Adora reached out, holding Catra hands in her own. Catra took a deep breath to calm herself. It didn’t matter if they were six, cuddling in their bunk after Catra had a nightmare, or all grown up, Adora’s hand in hers always made her feel safe.

Adora guided her to the bed, making her sit down next to her. Catra waited for her to let go of her. Adora intertwined their fingers.

"If it makes you feel better,” she said with a sheepish smile, “I thought you were ignoring me because you realized I was flirting and you wanted to reject me.”

This night sure is full of surprises. “You were flirting with me?” Scorpia’s flirting theory suddenly came back to her. “Wait, that’s why you always forgot your clothes when you took a shower? That was your weird mating ritual?”

Adora’s face flashed. “I mean, I wouldn’t call it that, but yeah.”

Catra chuckled. What a dork. She slumped against Adora’s shoulder. “Ugh, we could have saved so much time if I hadn’t been such an idiot and just asked!”

Catra felt Adora shake as she laughed. “Well, yeah-”

“So kind.”

“But,” Adora continued, jabbing Catra in the side playfully, “now I have a girlfriend to take out on a date tomorrow.”

Catra’s heart skipped a beat. When she didn’t respond - too busy making sure her heartbeat wouldn’t be heard in China - Adora rushed to talk.

“If you want to, I mean!”

Catra laughed. “And you were being all smooth too.” She snuggled further into Adora’s side. With her head resting on Adora’s shoulder she could smell her shampoo - green apple. She hadn’t realized how much she missed this these past two weeks - how much she had missed her. “Yes, I want to.”

Adora’s grip on her hand tightened. “This isn’t fair,” she grumbled.

Catra craned her neck to look at her. Adora was blushing. “What?”

Adora's smile was small but so lovestruck. With me, Catra thought and her heart skipped a beat. “You,” Adora said. She had no right to make Catra feel like this; like her heart was full of fireworks. “You’re too cute. I want to kiss you so bad.”

Catra sat up. Adora’s lips glistened with the chapstick she wore and Catra wanted to know what it tasted like. “Bi all means, go ahead,” she said, sounding more confident than she felt.

Adora giggled so hard she snorted. “Did you just make a bi pun?”

Catra smirked. “Maybe.”

Adora laughed and Catra couldn’t stop her smile even if she tried. She wanted to hear that sound for the rest of her days.

She leaned in and kissed her.

#spop #shera #catra #adora #catradora #fanfiction #my fic

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