#she's jealous of what she perceives as his freedom to be who he is without hiding and his temperance

[2hightocare]

LOVE WAGER! 02

Synopsis: The concept of love resurfaces as you both agree to center your psychology project on the premise that love is a choice. You propose an intriguing idea to Jungkook: he must exert every effort to make you fall in love with him within a month, to back up his belief.

Pairings: jungkook x fem!reader

Genre: college au. strangers to friends to lovers. angst/romantic comedy.

Warnings: mentions of divorce parents, neglectful parents, mentions of depression, banter, cussing, ex girlfriends, flashbacks, jungkook low key being super mean and discarding people’s feelings, jungkook hard-key depressed, implications of sex.

a/n: hai… this is so long overdue— exams month is coming and I had the biggest writers block fr but here’s my beloved babies. Song of the chapter— “love is embarrassing” by Olivia Rodrigo.

prev chapter! series masterlist!

Love.

Love is an intricate subject in its own right. Scientists elucidate it through the interplay of three cerebral chemicals: noradrenaline, dopamine, and phenylethylamine.

That's how Jungkook perceived love. He didn't subscribe to the notion of butterflies in the stomach or the fluttering heartbeat as justifications for love. To him, love was a scientific phenomenon, a complex emotion akin to sadness or jealousy-if he could evade such feelings, he would spare no effort.

But why did his stomach churn as if his organs were performing tiny somersaults whenever he gazed at you a tad too long? You were engrossed in the menu, pondering whether to get a burger or a slice of pizza.

Seated beautifully in your loose red Formula One shirt, Jungkook couldn't fathom how you managed to make that oversized shirt look so good.

Jungkook's eyes dropped to the ribbon in your hair, wondering why someone who was a full-on adult looked pretty, adorable even-with a red ribbon tied into a beautiful bow contrasting your skin and eyes. Your long eyelashes entranced him. He felt his stomach do something, a turn? Maybe his stomach was upset-he thought to himself.

Jungkook couldn't believe he found himself willingly sharing a table with you at the same dinner two years ago, he almost killed you at. He had moved to Emberhill U two years ago, ever since he moved out from his mom's house. Jungkook's life had gone to hell, which is exactly what his mind would tell him ever since his mom got a boyfriend. To make matters worse, he now had step-siblings.

He hated every bit of it. He wasn't jealous whatsoever.

It was the fact that his mom seemed to forget he even existed in the first place. Jungkook was hurt. He tried not to dwell or cry about it since he was a big boy-that's what he told himself now, pushing twenty-two, but still, part of his already broken heart shattered more.

How could your mom forget about her child? How could she not care about her only flesh and blood? He never told her that ever. Talking about his feelings with his mom was like talking to a brick wall that nothing could pass through. Plus, Jungkook wasn't good at communicating or talking about his feelings anyway. He found it embarrassing to lay yourself out there for someone to be able to discard you at any given moment.

Jungkook's dad wasn't any different as wellbeing too busy with work to even call him to ask his son if he was okay or how school is going. But the calls or text messages never came. Jungkook was used to it. It was his everyday. It was more shocking when he did call, but he wouldn't know what that would feel like since he never called ever since the divorce. Jungkook knew the divorce wasn't his fault whatsoever. His therapist—that his high school counselor made him go to—basically talked his ear off about how anything that happened wasn't his fault, but still, it felt like it was.

Ever since everything went down, his parents seemed to forget they had a child, who still needed them.

One advantage of his situation was the freedom to do as he pleased without his parents' interference. However, the downside was their lack of concern for his activities or just him in general. Jungkook was certain: if his parents didn't love him, who else in the world would? So, he didn't believe in love. When the two people meant to demonstrate unconditional love failed to do so, he doubted anyone else would. He would like to say that it didn't affect him and it's been years since everything, but deep down it still did.

Jungkook experiences a pang of guilt every time he looks at you. Perhaps it's the way he behaved when he first met you, the influence of the romantic comedy in your hands causing him to lash out at you.

Something about your ribbons makes him feel that you’re too innocent and naive for this world—part of him wants to shield you from its harsh realities, while another part wants to disillusion you about the cruelty of the world and the disparity between love in fairy tales and reality.

"Are you done daydreaming?" You say, interrupting his thoughts. Jungkook shakes his head, attempting to banish his thoughts before raising an eyebrow at your curious doe eyes. "I wasn't daydreaming," he states proudly, prompting a scoff from you, a grin tugging at Jungkook's lips.

"It was either daydreaming or checking me out since you were staring at me for a hot minute, but I decided otherwise since you have a girlfriend," you quip nonchalantly before calling the waiter to take your order.

"First of all, I don’t have a girlfriend, and second of all, what if I was checking you out?" Jungkook challenges. He didn’t know why he enjoyed getting on your nerves—any other person he would probably flip off and never give them the time of day, but instead, here he was with you doing the complete opposite.

"What happened to the girl from the dinner?" You question, your eyes finally meeting his brown ones. A glint of something passes over his eyes before disappearing as quickly as you saw it—so you thought maybe you had imagined it.

"Who?" Jungkook says, tilting his head to the side as he leans forward, his elbows propped on the table. "the one you mentioned to me two years ago? The one you discussed intimately," you mimic his voice. Jungkook's smile widens, amused by your jest.

"If you want to know so badly, we broke up—well, she broke up with me," Jungkook clicks his tongue, observing your expressions closely. He notices the creases of your forehead whenever you are thinking or the way you bite your lower lip to contain a smile that’s threatening to come out, each time Jungkook says something dumb.

"Oh, let me guess, she wanted love letters and sweet words whispered into her ear," you mock him, knowing he said that he didn’t need to do any of that to keep a girl. "You’re annoying, Ribbons," Jungkook shakes his head with a low soft chuckle.

You watch him pick up the menu and start scanning the items as you observe him. You notice how his jaw clenches momentarily before relaxing, his tongue poking on the inside of his cheek, making you wonder if you angered him—and if you did, maybe you should do it more often since he looked hot—

Record scratch.

Your mind was playing games with you the more you watched the raven-haired boy. The more you realized he was the epitome of the boy you imagined whenever you were reading a book, the dimples on his cheeks, the scar right above his cheekbone, and the mole underneath his bottom lip had you wanting to ask him for his whole life story.

He also looks like those cute love song playlists that had all your favorite songs in them, but you knew from the way he acts around you, it was definitely a hard no and maybe you were delusional after all. So you try hard to shove those ideas into the back of your brain as far as you could.

"I knew that you couldn’t keep a girlfriend," you shrug, prompting a gasp from him as he jokingly places a hand on his heart, as if you had just dealt him a mortal blow.

"Wow, YN doesn’t think I’m boyfriend material?" Jungkook gasps dramatically, shaking his head.

"You’re literally everything that's not boyfriend material," you throw your head back with a laugh, observing his widened eyes with amusement evident on his face. "Ouch," Jungkook scoffs dramatically.

"What makes you say I’m not boyfriend material?" he says, scanning the room for a waiter but finding none, before redirecting his attention to you.

"You don’t believe in love, that's one way to start," you point out, eliciting a hum of agreement from him. "What's that got to do with being a good boyfriend? I assure you that a good boyfriend isn’t necessarily head over heels in love," Jungkook says, as if imparting a valuable lesson, while your facial expression betrays you.

"The fuck? You literally hate everything related to love. Being a good boyfriend means doing cliche shit you hate doing so much, how could you possibly be boyfriend material?" you assert proudly, prompting an eye-roll from him.

"All that stuff is just superficial shit that everyone collectively agreed on. It’s just embarrassing how people put themselves go through all that just to make someone lik—“

"Love," you interject, earning yourself a glare from across the table.

"Like I was saying, I stand by the fact all those stupid romantic gestures are pointless. Society basically romanticized love and set up unrealistic expectations— everything just leads to heartbreak and disappointment," Jungkook continues, you watch how the hard expression on his face wavers to something more… sad, like he was talking from experience.

"Have you ever experienced love?" you inquire, not sure why since you guys weren’t even friends in the first place—the only reason you found yourself sitting with him willingly was because of psychology class.

"What?" Jungkook is caught off guard by the sudden question.

"Have you ever been in love?" you reiterate, observing his expression harden once more. "No, never, and I don’t plan to," Jungkook shrugs, going back to his usual cocky self in a blink of an eye, prompting yet another eye-roll from you, marking thirty-eighth.

You didn’t get the chance to reply since a waiter came to your table, apologizing for taking so long to get to us before taking our orders.

You and Jungkook decided on sharing a pizza, and you obviously ordered a coke, which got Jungkook joking about how he isn’t trying to make you choke again, which had the waiter shifting uncomfortably beside you both while Jungkook had an eating-shit grin on his face.

“That’s not what he meant!” You chuckled nervously, your face reddening, matching your shirt from how embarrassed you are.

“No, it’s okay, you don't have to explain,” the waiter said before excusing himself.

The moment the waiter was out of your line of vision, you turned your head to the boy who’s sucking in his lips, trying not to laugh.

“What the fuck was that?” You glared, your eyebrows scrunching. “What, you both just have a dirty mind,” Jungkook shrugged, the grin on his face making you shift in your chair.

Jungkook's aura was unlike anything you’d ever stumbled upon, and you hated it. It made you want to know more about him than you should, the way he carried himself and talked had you questioning why? He wasn’t so different from other boys you had met, besides the fact that he spoke his mind as if no one was around, not caring if he hurt your feelings or offended you. It was refreshing in some way, but it still made you want to pull your hair out.

“Alright… let’s change topics, Mr. Anti-Romantic,” you say, watching his smile widen.

“What?” You stared at him, trying to think what could possibly make him smile that much. You were sure your face would hurt if you possibly smiled that much.

“Nothing, I just find it extremely hot when you call me that, it turns me on,” Jungkook said, leaning forward.

Okay, that’s not exactly what you were imagining him saying. Your eyes widened momentarily, feeling your heartbeat rise. The smile not leaving his face had you feeling hot, as if the room temperature suddenly increased.

“Uh… so, project,” you blinked rapidly.

“Yeah, project,” Jungkook agreed, smile still on his face as he saw your cheeks flush with a reddish color.

“So, any ideas about what our project can be about?” You said, grabbing the hair tie around your wrist and using it to make a ponytail, taking the ribbons out before tying your hair.

Two small strands fell from your face, tempting Jungkook's fingers to reach out and tuck them behind your ear. He wanted to slap himself back to reality since he never in his life thought those thoughts, not even with Haneul, whom he dated for five months, setting a record. He still remembered the reason she gave him for breaking up. It was laughable.

“Jungkook, you don’t even look at me with love, and I know you said when we first met that it was only attraction, but I thought you would change over time the more we hung out,” Haneul whimpered, tears gathering around her eyes as Jungkook just stared at her, not knowing what to say. Because yes, he did tell her it was all attraction, and it’s still only attraction to this day for him.

“You don’t hold my hand or give me kisses, you don’t even give me flowers,” Haneul cried, her voice cracking with each word she said.

“I told you, I don’t do that stuff,” Jungkook said. He felt bad for her since he knew she deserved better, but he didn’t feel bad about not doing those things for her since he told her he wouldn’t and never would do them. And she agreed, so why was she crying about it now when she agreed to it five months ago?

“I know you did, but I thought you just… fuck, you haven’t even introduced me to your family,” a crack is heard from Jungkook's heart, but not for the girl in front of him crying her heart out, but for himself, because yeah, he had no family he could take a girl home to, since he had no home at all. He had a house, but it was as empty as he was.

“Haneul, I told you—“

“Yeah, that you will never do that! I get it, okay? I get it, but fuck, how can you not care? Do you not feel anything when it comes to me?” The girl wept more, which had Jungkook sighing.

“I like you, Haneul,” Jungkook replied. “I love you, Jungkook, can’t you tell…” she whispered, a choked sob leaving her lips as she looked up at the man who’s just standing in front of her like nothing.

“I’m sorry,” that's all Jungkook said… because what else could he say? It was either that or that he didn’t love her, but to not take it personally since he didn’t love anything?

So instead, he said the only thing he could muster without his voice cracking.

“Love,” Jungkook finally says, his statement catching you off guard, widening your eyes in surprise.

“Love? I thought you hated love,” you raise an eyebrow, perplexed by his sudden declaration.

“I do, but love is psychological. We can discuss how we, as humans, have the ability to choose whether we fall in love or not,” Jungkook articulates.

“That’s not how love works, Jungkook,” you retort, to which he responds with a disapproving nod. “It does, though,” Jungkook rebuts.

“It doesn’t. Love is not something we can choose and pick, it just happens,” you try to explain.

“You believe love just happens, but I disagree, respectfully,” Jungkook adds, causing you to tilt your head curiously, intrigued by his perspective. “I’ve held on for too long without being in love since I said I wouldn’t fall in love,” he concludes.

“That’s because you haven’t met anyone you actually want to try with… maybe you just haven’t met your soulmate,” you suggest, annoyance evident on Jungkook’s face the moment you mention the concept of soulmates.

“Soulmates don’t exist, ribbons,” Jungkook snickers.

“I beg to differ,” you cross your arms, adamant in your belief. “I don’t know what fantasy lovey-dovey world you live in, but soulmates are just made up,” Jungkook shrugs casually.

“Maybe you are right about the fact that you get to choose who you fall in love with since I know for a fact I would never fall in love with you,” you spitefully state.

Jungkook nods, feeling a bitter taste in his mouth that catches him off guard. Perhaps it was the fact that someone had just openly admitted they wouldn’t want to love him—reminding him of the kid he once was, desperately begging his parents to love him. But wasn’t this what he was trying to prove in the first place, that love was a choice? Then why did it hurt to hear you say those words out loud?

“Atta girl, finally got it huh,” Jungkook smirks, ignoring the pang of hurt in his chest. “Alright then, if we did do that for our project, let’s say we argued that love is a choice and it doesn’t happen. How do we prove that?” you question.

Silence fills the table as you both brainstorm ideas, trying to back up this argument.

“I got it,” you say, as if a light bulb just appeared on top of your head. Jungkook nods, encouraging you to continue.

“What if we spend a month with you doing absolutely everything to make me fall in love with you? And I mean do all that cliché, romantic shit I love that you hate so much. Since I know for a fact that I choose not to fall in love with you, we can discuss how, even if a person does everything right, you still get to choose who you love,” you explain carefully, ensuring he understands your proposal.

“It’s a good idea for the project; we could use ourselves to illustrate how we pick and choose who we love, like you said,” you try to convince him, giving him the benefit of the doubt after he convinced you of his beliefs. You knew you would never fall for him, even if he did everything you ever read in books and saw in movies.

“We can call it the Love Wager,” you finish, scanning his face as he contemplates the idea.

Jungkook’s mind races, unsure if he likes the idea or absolutely hates it. On one hand, it could earn him a good grade, given the strong rationale behind it, using yourselves as an experiment to support your argument. But on the other hand, the thought of spending a month doing everything he had vocally despised for the past five years gave him the heebie-jeebies.

“Alright then, the Love Wager operation starts,” Jungkook agrees instead, while you clap happily. “Oh my god yay, this might give me an A plus,” you celebrate, giggling as Jungkook raises an eyebrow.

“It’s a long story; I just hate psychology,” you say, to which he nods in response.

“Well, we have a month together, so start explaining why you hate it so much,” Jungkook says nonchalantly, and before you could reply, the waiter hurriedly returns to your table, apologizing for the wait, mentioning the kitchen’s struggle with the influx of orders. But you keep your eyes on the boy in front of you, who looks at the waiter, reassuring him it’s okay.

The smell of fresh, hot pizza fills your nostrils as you finally snap out of your trance, looking down at the pizza the waiter is sliding onto the table, cautioning you both that it is extremely hot. The waiter continues to place all the food you ordered on the table before leaving with a bow.

“I’m starving, oh my god,” Jungkook moans as he picks up a slice of pizza and takes a bite, ignoring the steam.

“How is that not burning your tongue, oh my…” you begin to say, but you’re interrupted as you take a bite of your own slice, immediately regretting it as you burn your tongue. “Ah, ah, ha,” you drop the pizza onto your plate, sticking your tongue out and fanning your mouth with your hand. A small laugh escapes from Jungkook as you shoot him a snarky glare.

“He literally just told you it was hot, ribbons,” Jungkook says, grabbing a napkin from the container and reaching over to wipe some sauce off your lips and face. The fanning from your hand halts as you stare at his focused face, feeling yourself heat up again, but this time it’s not your mouth—it’s your cheeks.

“Why did you just do that?” you ask before you can stop yourself, as he sits back down properly. “I’m starting my boyfriend material journey, you know, since the project?” Jungkook says casually, taking another bite of pizza, watching you in surprise as you shockingly observe him not being fazed by the burning food in his mouth, chewing happily.

“Oh… we’re starting right now?” you gesture to the table between you both, indicating ‘right now’. “Yeah, we only have one month, let’s make it worth it,” he says, diving back into his food.

God, this month was definitely going to be a roller coaster.

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[xbadgerbearx]

bird

word count: 1.6k

Can’t Sleep: [4] … [6]

Not too long later, Gaius Grieves revealed himself. Your little trio watched as Robert discreetly put a gun to his back and started talking. You weren't close enough to decipher what he said. Once he started moving your team got the cue to follow. However, everyone stopped in their tracks once soldiers were spotted.

"I thought Milton was supposed to be our lookout," you muttered as the soldiers started speaking Spanish to the patrons in the club.

As the soldiers got more aggressive in their search for Americans, Robert turned to Cleo.

"All right," Robert motioned to Grieves. "Take him out through the back, all right? Find my coordinates in the pad and meet me in half an hour," he ordered while handing Abner a gun.

"What?"

"Hey, did you hear what I said?"

"Yes, but-"

"Go."

Cleo hesitated before grabbing Grieves.

"Let's go."

As you were leading your small group to the back entrance, you heard Robert yell out, "Hey, calm down! There's no need to disturb everyone's night."

You could faintly hear Flag speak up as you found a door marked Solo Empleados.

"This way."

Unfortunately the door you opened was the dressing room for the dancers. You heard Abner say, "Oh, God," before a stumbling sound and a gun being handled. You briefly looked back to see Abner holding Grieves at gun pointing and ordering him to "Move it!"

Damn. That was a little hot.

Pushing your way through the dancers and out the door, you let out a small gasp at the soldier standing in front of you. Cleo, ever the quick thinker, used her device to have a rat crawl down his throat.

"Remind me not to get on your bad side."

You eventually made your way outside in an alley. Milton jogged over once he caught sight of you four.

"Your equipment manipulates animal behavior, clever," Grieves spoke out. "I'm working on something similar with humans."

"Be quiet, please."

"You are perceivably panicked. I'm guessing that you are not the alphas of this battalion."

"Do you want a dozen angry rodents crawling up your ass?" Cleo snapped.

"My answer might not be what you expect."

"Disgusting," you commented as Abner ushered Grieves to move.

You quickly made your way into the van. Milton took the driver's seat, Abner sat in the middle across from Grieves who still had a gun pointed at him, and you and Cleo took a seat in the back by Nanaue.

"Hello, friends!"

"Hi, yes, hello to you too, Nanaue," you said before pointing at Grieves. "Nom nom this man if I give the word."

"Okay!"

Cleo rummaged through DuBois bag before handing you the coordinate pad he spoke of earlier. Was that a picture of his daughter you saw? You couldn't get a good look since Cleo zipped up the bag. Coordinates in hand, you made your way back up the front to give Milton directions.

"Oh ho ho, what's this?" Grieves smuggly declared. You were too busy paying attention to the road to hear him.

"What's what?"

"I saw that little look you gave to your teammate."

"There was no look," Abner denied.

"Ah, but there was. How are you going to pretend you weren't just looking at their ass as they passed? You seem to have a school boy crush."

"Abner has a crush?" Cleo entered the conversation.

"No!"

Grieves laughed before answering Cleo. "You seem to have forgotten that I study people for a living, and I am very good at my job."

"Pet pet and Polky?" Nanaue piped up from the back.

"No! No Pet pet and Polky," Abner said with exasperation. However, upon looking at you and seeing how captivating you looked under the flashing lights of the street lamps, he followed it up with defeated, "Okay, maybe Pet pet and Polky."

"Dios mío!" Cleo exclaimed before she was hurriedly shushed. They both looked over to see if you heard.

"Okay, now take a right onto this street."

You did not.

"I'm happy for you, Abner."

"You seem to have forgotten you are on a mission. This isn't some little girl's slumber party."

Cleo slapped Grieves over the back of the head as Abner seemed to remember that he had a gun in his hand.

"Be quiet."

"Is- is that them?"

The team all looked at you as they looked out the window. Following your gaze, it landed on an upside down armored vehicle in a ditch.

"Of course it is, who else would be dumb enough," you sighed.

Milton slowly approached the area and parked the van. As soon as it stopped you jumped out to see if they were still there. Turns out you didn't have to wait long; the back door unlocked to reveal your three teammates scuffed but otherwise unharmed.

You wouldn't admit it but you felt relieved.

"All right," Robert grunted. "Let's go to Jotunheim."

"Nope. There's somethin' we gotta take care of first."

"What?"

Rick sighed out, "As much as it pains me to say, we gotta get Harley Quinn."

"Harley who?"

"Quinn. She was on Team 1 with me. Now that I know where she is, we gotta go get her."

"Fuck no."

"Come on, man." They made their way back into the van after you. "She's a valuable asset."

"I said no."

"Don't make me get Waller into this."

Robert thought for a moment. "Fuck, fine, alright. We'll go get 'er."

Everyone eventually got seated. This time you actually sat in a seat since you weren't planning on taking an impromptu nap—although that did sound nice. Flag filled Milton out on the details and directed him on where to go as you all got cozy. Robert and Chris were going at it again, Cleo was asleep, Nanaue was trying to get you to sit in his lap, and Abner was watching in amusement.

"No."

"Yes."

"I said no."

"Pet pet?"

"No, Nanaue."

Nanaue put on his best pout, "Please?"

You should not have turned around to look at him. Sighing, you stood up and made your way over to him.

"Hahaha!" He sounded like a giddy kid in a candy store. He gently picked you up and placed you on his lap. Immediately he started petting you again and hummed. Your legs were cramped and you felt like you were about to fall off his lap. Without saying anything, you sprawled your legs across Abner's lap. He just looked at you with a smile before adjusting himself to accommodate you. Resting his arms over your legs, he continued looking out the window.

"How fascinating."

"Hmm?" You looked at Grieves.

"You don't happen to also control animal behavior, do you?"

"Why would I tell you that?"

"Fair."

You heard a loud sigh from Chris. "Is this going to become a regular occurance?"

"What, you jealous? I'm calling it now, if we have another night during this mission I'm using him as my cuddle buddy."

"Whatever."

Although you said you wouldn't, you were almost asleep before Robert made the call for everyone to gear up. While everyone was rushing to get their gear on, you just yawned and leaned over to handcuff Grieves to a seat before making yourself at home on Nanaue again. You weren't exactly trained to fight with weapons, although you did grab a nearby combat knife to carry.

"You gotta be kiddin' me. You're gonna risk the entire mission for a mental defective dressed as a court jester."

"This is coming from a guy that wears a toilet seat on his head."

"We don't leave our own behind," Rick reminded.

"You're okay with this?"

"No, but I've been around Flag when he's got a rag in his mouth. Best not to tug it."

"Motherfucker!"

Just as everyone seemed almost ready, you hopped off Nanaue and gently nudged Cleo.

"Come on, gotta wake up."

"All right, let's go."

Everyone—besides Grieves—exited the vehicle before Flag announced his plan.

"All right, we'll enter through the third floor, go to the inner staircase, and then down to the cellar where they usually keep their detainees. Hopefully, Harley's still alive."

Still butthurt about what Robert said, Chris stubbornly muttered, "It's not a toilet seat, it's a beacon of freedom!"

Everyone got into position; Peacemaker somehow scaled a building to get a vantage point, Abner was down the street looking for traffic, Rick and Robert were beside one of the walls ready to climb to the third floor, you turned into a bird (much to the amazement of your team) so you could quickly enter the window Robert would open, and Nanaue—who forgot you turned into a bird—stared at you.

"Ratatouille, what do you got?"

"Third floor hallway's clear. Abner?"

"There doesn't seem to be any incoming traffic."

"Bird."

"Nanaue, that's Mimic you meathead- and stay off the comm!"

"Colonel, I got a clean shot on the only one in the office. Just give the word."

"Fire on three, two..."

"What're you guys doing?"

Rick looked at Harley, then DuBois, then back to Harley. "I... you- we're here to save you."

"You were gonna... save me?" Harley visibly looked touched.

"It was a really good plan, too."

"Well I can go back inside and you can still do it."

"That's patronizing," Bloodsport commented.

You saw Harley drag a big stick thing over to Flag and hug him.

"Uh, what's with the javelin?"

"I'm waiting for God to tell me."

"Jesus Christ..."

"Yeah, or Him. Or any of them, really."

You and Nanaue watched as Harley and Bloodsport had an awkward introduction.

"Never mind everyone, Harley is secure."

"What?"

"Meet me in the van so we can leave as quickly as possible."

Sighing, you morphed back into your original form. Nanaue made an audible gasp as he saw you sitting on the railing.

"Pet pet?

"Yes, Nanaue, it's me, Pet pet."

King Shark laughed as he started petting you immediately. Resisting the urge to roll your eyes, you swatted his hand away and motioned for him to follow you.

[starshipsofstarlord]

The Sheriff and the Murderer

Part Four

Previous Parts | Part One | Part Two | Part Three

Series Masterlist

Summary | car rides come to a gruelling end, leaving you and Sandy with the dirty business of burying Simon’s limbs. Though, when Lee enters the station, he hears the news of a weeping widow, that has been touched unfairly by your husband. He has to find Simon.

Warnings | mentions of death, mentions of rape, mentions of pregnancy, angst, mentions of sex, includes smut, swearing, fingering, blowjob, titty fucking, dirty talk, anal sex, squirting

Quick link to my masterlist, if you’re interested in reading more of my crap 😬

Dirt moulded upon the seams of your knees as you knelt, placing Simon’s hand upon the pile of his scattered body parts. There had been many holes dug in the woods, and it was beginning to get dark, as you and Sandy finally finished hiding the evidence of your crime.

A sigh of relief escaped your lips as you had finally finished stowing away the parts of your life that haunted you, and with much pleasure, buried it deep within the ground. “Surely now you’ll be looking for a new husband...” Sandy snickered, grabbing a rag to wipe the grime from her well adversed hands off on.

“That would not at all be suspicious.” You rolled your eyes at your friend, grabbing the shovels and moving towards her trunk. “But I’m going to need a story for his disappearance, Lee among others will certainly find it strange to never see me worrying of his return.”

A light scoff emitted from the blonde, as she shook her unruly curled head. She placed a hand upon your shoulder, giving you a tender smile to soothe your thoughtful nerves. “Ain’t nobody gonna wanna find that poor excuse of a man. And if they do, you’re gonna be the last person that they suspect.”

She had a point, the people in town that knew of you, were aware that you were nothing more than a simple housewife. You were forced to depend on Simon and his income, and without either, you would fall into squalor. But a life of difficulty, fighting against sexist poverty would be better than living with that monster.

Because that is what Simon was, a monster. He had no recollection nor care for the value of you being a woman, like many men in the day and age. And now, with his bones hidden in the middle of nowhere, far form citizen eyes, you were free, though you were unsure of what to do with your newfound freedom, and how you would manage it.

“What about that wife of his?” Lee snapped his head around, as he looked between the door that held the victim, and Deputy Reeves, who had decided to bring the woman that owned his heart, and another man’s ring upon her finger, into this case. But it was inevitable, you were to be dragged into it, Simon had a hell of a nerve for putting you into the corner.

“And what may your point be to bring y/n into this inconvenience?” The sheriff snapped at his co worker, containing his anger concerning the situation. Reever reeled his head back at the sound of Bodecker’s tone, frowning at his commander’s voice.

“I meant, she may know where Simon Priot is! I’m not assuming that she is the reason that he has gone off the grid, hell knows he wallows in the dark corners of this town. You need to make your likening towards that lady less obvious, I remember back during our training days, you’d carry around a picture of her, and now look at her... she’s bound to have be with a child in a year or so, she moved on Lee, and you’re still stuck on her like gum on the bottom of her shoe.”

Lee bit his lip, restraining the need to explode on this man that was below him, yet was still talking down to him. It was true, it was a fear of his that he’d watch you balloon with an heir, that Simon would raise under his manipulative thumb. And the chances would be, that the baby was genetically identical to his genes, having been made from the pair of you sexually intermingling.

“So your concern is that y/n may know his whereabouts, and not what he may do to her behind closed doors? This woman that we are interviewing may be from a wealthy family, mourning her own well established partner, but because y/n and Simon are married, it surpasses over your thick skull!”

He steadied his breath, holding his hands upon his hips as he tried to control his authority, though, Reeves did not entirely seem impressed with Lee’s words. Instead, he simply bellowed a laugh, finding his sheriff’s prejudice to be amusing. “That is one way to act jealous. Guess I’ll just go over to her home, and see if Simon is present.”

“I’ll go.” Lee grabbed his mug, glaring at his coworker as he walked profusely away, sending a point of his finger towards the door that the widow was concealed behind, prompting that Reever best continue his work, whilst he perceived to do the same.

A series of knocks had you bustling out towards the door, clothed in nothing more than a towel, as you had just left the premises of the bath, finding it to be only Lee on the other side. “Hiya sheriff, is there anything that I can help you with? Maybe you’d like to come inside for a cup of something smooth and sweet.” You bit your lip, giggling as he pushed you through the door.

He shut it behind himself, pinning you against the wall, as his face tucked into your neck, planting ravishingly kisses against the column of your neck, making you revel your head back. “You do feel smooth.” His hands ran up the length of your leg, worming it’s way beneath the rough fabric, sliding his fingers up and into your entrance, causing you to moan up and toward his chin. “I’m finding this suspicious...”

At his words you froze, becoming paranoid that he had found something out. You stared up at him as he thumbed at your clit, as you rutted your hips down and upon his fingers. “Lee, you have to listen to me, there is nothing to be - fuck!” He shoved another two fingers into you, stretching you open, as your hands stroked against his sleeved biceps.

“Every time you answer that damned door, you’re dressed in practically nothing. It’s like you’re trying to seduce all the men around here.” He smirked, using his free hand to tug off the towel, leaving you in nothing more than your own nude skin.

“Just one.” You played with his tie, wincing as the sheriff removed his fingers from inside of you, raising them to your lips as you tasted your own juices from his flesh. “He’s quite the charmer, that smile of his, well that’s contagious. And don’t get me started on that plump belly of his, I love to feel it pressing against me as he fucks me into the mattress. He’s so handsome, and has such a big, pulsing cock.”

With that said, you dropped nakedly to your knees, tugging at his belt, looping the leather out from its holsters, and dragging the layers of material down, so that you could expose his erecting cock. You grasped his base, instantly moving your mouth down to his balls, sucking his left one into your mouth, causing the man above you to grit his teeth.

You stroked his length, moving back up towards his tip, tapping it against your tongue, moaning against him as he began to comb his fingers through your hair, before sinking his fat cock down your throat, feeling his taste upon your buds, as you stared up at him with your innocent eyes.

“Such a talented mouth.” He moved his hips, sinking further into you, as you muffled your noises of gagging on him. “Simon really is a lucky man.” He muttered to yourself, the words being inaudible to where you were below him. But where was Simon?

“Love sucking your cock.” You popped him out of your mouth, swiping your tongue up his shaft, as you continued to pump him. “So big Lee Lee.” His eyes rolled to the back of his head, as he handled himself, moving himself of out your grasp, as he watched you press closer to him, a breast on either side, as he rested on your chest.

You grasped your breasts, a hand upon each, as you suffocated his length with your tits, bouncing on your thighs, as you fucked him with your assets. “Y/n.” He breathed, humming at the sight of you, licking his lips, as he felt swarmed with pleasure.

He remembered back in the day, when he would come over to your house and help you study for mid terms. Those sessions ended rather similarly, with one of you performing some kind of pleasure on the other, keeping as quite as you could so that your father would not hear.

But of course he knew what was going on, which was why he had decided to introduce you to Simon, so that his blessing would sway you into choosing him rather than Lee. “I’m going to cum, baby girl. Gonna soak your lovely tits with my spunk.” He groaned, watching behind heavy lidded eyes as he spilled over your chest, painting it white, as he stepped slightly back, and turned soft.

“Oh my - Christ!” You squealed as you were held chest first against the dining table, remnants of Lee’s cum sliding upon the surface as you were pounded back and forth, Lee behind you as he took you from that angle. “Harder baby, har - ah!”

A light scream reckoned from your throat, your fingers grasping the corners of the surface, as he slipped his cock out from inside of your pussy, pressing his tip against your tighter hole, using no lubrication except your own natural essence that cloaked his skin, as he began to press into your ass.

“Honey, you’re so tight.” He squinted, as he began to slow down, allowing you to adjust to his girth within your asshole before moving slightly faster. “You’re ass feels so good. Never let your horrible husband in your back door, have you?”

The thoughts of ways that Simon had never brought you pleasure, times that you consented to it, made him pulse harder within you. Lee had been permitted to do more socially unacceptable things with you, in your home, and it completely turned him on. If anyone knew that adultery, and all these other things that Lee did to you, they would even look down on him, the sheriff.

“No. Only you Lee Lee.” You threw your head back, moulding with the pressure of his hand upon your back, forcing you to be flat against the table. “I want more baby, give me something more sweetie.” Giving you a light spank upon your ass, making your tighter walls clench around him, he trailed his hand to your front, pinching your clit, before delving his fingers within your contracting walls.

“Holy heaven.” Lee groaned, feeling at how your wetness seeped down his hand, as he hammered into you. This session had been going on for so long, and if he weren’t mistaken, he’d think it to be one of the best. “Cum baby, cum all over me. And I’ll feel this ass up, yeah?”

Feverishly nodding, you continuously clenched around his thick fingers, until a flow of clear liquid squirted out from your pussy, creating a puddle upon the kitchen floor as he removed his hand from inside you, shoving it in your mouth to mute your screams. His balls slapped against the middle of your ass cheeks, as he thrusted, falling back against you as he filled you up.

Grasping your hips lightly, he pulled back, watching as his cum dripped out from you, cascading down the back of your thighs, as your pussy withered from emptiness. He bit his lip at the sight, and for a moment, he forgot why he had visited you this early on the day for an exchange, and then he remembered, it all flashing back to him.

Perhaps another round was in order, to numb the reminder of your marriage, and the case that he was on duty for. As you returned to your senses, he helped your get up, carrying you towards the bathroom to partake in more fulfilment and cleanse the both of you.

Tags;

@charmed-asylum @tcc-gizmachine @stucky-my-ship @brynthebulldozer @acciosiriusblack @lady-loki-ren

[nightswithkookmin]

Hiiii, please response me😭

Honestly I wonder why Jk jealous of taemin when taemin & jimin having friendship?? I mean I can clearly see jk's jealousy. Please answer..... Borahae 💜

Ehhhhhh??????? JK is jealous of Taemin????

That's both an understatement and the most ridiculous thing I ever heard! Lol

Don't be shy, he wants to kill him. Say it! Lmho

Why is JK jealous of Taemin? Sounds like an existential question and I don't want to get into all of that mess.

I just slicked my edges down. Can't have these angry mobs peeling it off by force 🤧

But I get it. I used to find JK and Taemin's dynamic intriguing too but frankly, I'm over it. Lol.

I don't think it's as deep as the fandom make it seem. Especially not in 2021.

Word on the streets was Taemin had a thing for JM? and JK wasn't too happy about that- not sure about that but I can't fault him if ever he did. It's Jimin. Who doesn't want him.

But I think it's more delicate than that.

Besides, Jealousy shouldn't be our only go to label to explain every Jungkook emotion out there where JM is concerned.

Personally, I've sought to revolutionize the term Jeonlous and Jimlous in the way that we as a fandom perceive and think on it as a complex human emotion, one that centers mostly on boundaries rather than frivolous feelings of possessiveness or envy.

So to me, if JK really is 'jealous' in regards to Taemin then I'd assume it's because Taemin breached his personal boundaries where JM is concerned. It's as simple as that.

Which I believe was the case.

I try not to speculate on dynamics other than BTS's as it goes against my better conscience- Yes I have one. Shut up and read. Lol.

I tortured myself to death, figuratively speaking of course, the last time I tried commenting on a dynamic outside of BTS- JK and Mijoo's situation.

I don't think it's ethical...

When it comes to JK and Taemin's dynamic, one thing you should understand is they aren't friends. Not that we know of.

Jimin and Taemin are friends in the same interest group, the Padding Squad. JK isn't a member of that interest group- perhaps because he doesn't share their interests.

Jhope passed on becoming a member of the Padding Squad because his hobbies and interests didn't align with that of the members- Sungwoon. He introduced Sungwoon to Suga instead who then introduced him to JM.

One thing that Jhope said about Sungwoon was that he enjoyed outing which was a lifestyle incompatible with his own.

Now since Sungwoon said he clicked with JM right away, I'd assume its because JM enjoyed going out and stuff like that- among other things.

Jk in those days wasn't known as the outing kind and preferred staying indoors to going out. I think this is one of the contrasts between JK and Jimin's personalities.

So if JM has a bunch of friends who enjoy going out as much, then I don't see how JK would fit into that circle.

Taemin and JK move in totally different circles. They don't have much in common beyond the fact they are both close to Jimin. In my opinion. I could be wrong.

Jimin have said he doesn't like to share his friends but of course we've seen him, Sungwoon and JK hang out a few times. Those three have a friendship going on unlike in TaeminMinKook's case.

It's speculated, Jimin introduced JK to Sungwoon but this was during one of Sungwoon's time off and the three got to hang together which I think is great.

Not sure if, JM has had similar opportunity to introduce Taemin and JK. That would depend on their schedules and what they do during their free time.

Introductions are necessary in friendship culture and we cannot undervalue JM's role in facilitating camaradship between those two.

If they are 'not friends' ask JM why. Smirk.

Their 'differences' and why their 'not friends' to me has more to do with their unique individualities and interests but also their age difference and culture?

Jealousy sounds plausible but you have to consider the fact age is a huge thing in the South Korean culture.

Taemin is much older than JK and ordinarily we cannot reasonably expect for them to be as close much less be friends to begin with- per the dictates of their culture.

As much as we love to rave on about the hyung/dongsaeng dynamics in their culture, from the little I know of their culture, older people and younger people aren't expected to mingle so easily or act so casually.

Besides, hyung/dongsaengs aren't considered friendmates in their culture.

A high level of respect and reverence is required within such a dynamic and boundaries are expected to be upheld at all times too so I guess we can chalk it up to that too I think.

The only way a younger person can be considered friends with or close with or even treat an older person as 'a friend' is if the older one allows for that level of familiarity between them.

Without that kind of permission, their relationship is viewed as strictly an older hyung to younger dongsaeng relationship and formality must be respected by both sides.

I think we've talked about this? This is what JK was going on about in his conversation with Tae in Soop. Tae was giving JK permission to treat him as 'friends' within the group but JK insisted on the formality and boundaries expected between them as hyung as and dongsaeng.

If JK believes he needs to uphold boundaries with people older than him and not get too close to them, what makes you think he would consider older people besides his bandmates 'friends' or treat them casually like one?

The thing about JK, he is a bit cliquey... in my opinion that is. I'm gonna get in trouble, am I not? Chilee.

I often talk about JK and exclusivity or his tendencies for exclusive behaviors....

Once my sister told me, when she first enrolled to uni, how everyone she'd met would ask of her age first before they even asked which country she was from and some of the girls on her floor wouldn't talk to her because they considered her older than them and as such kept their distance or something like that- out of respect for and she had to give those that fuxked with her permission to address her a casual way- personally, I thought they were just being ageists and racists as fuck but then a year into her stay she said she sort of got the hang of it. That it was a cultural thing- Stockholms is real people. Lmho.

Bitxh wouldn't know a friend from a foe. Can't relate. Foe till proven friends!

Gotta smart yourself out here- Hold on...

Is this why I don't have no friends???!!!!!

😥😥😥😥😥💀

Chilee. This is not good.

She explained, most of the people she later became friends with seemed to prefer making friends with foreigners because they felt the age barrier thingy didn't apply there and they had the freedom to express themselves freely with them regardless of their age.

People that are considered 'friends' in their culture are usually people around the same age while a hyung/dongsaeng friendship dynamic often invite brows and gazes- if you know what I mean. A hyung who allows a dongsaeng to be friends with them gives that dongsaeng status at best, at worst is opening the younger one to cultural criticism especially in how the older one is addressed.

So when Namjoon refers to Jimin as a friend it hits hard and reflects how deep and special their bond is as compared to say Vmin or NamHope who are close in age. Same age friendships would have to be qualified to denote how special their bond is. So for Vmin you'd see them going out of their way to talk about that they are soulmates, besties etc.

When JM talks about that all of his friends are hyungs, it a form of social proof. One cannot be friends with hyungs just like that. Jimin is cool and has social status.

If Jimin ever refers to JK as a friend he would be admitting he allows for a certain level of familiarity between them that is out of the ordinary just as his dynamic with Taemin and RM is.

I say all this so you can deep it when an older says to a young one, he is my friend.

RM says JM is his friend.

Mess with Minimoni, I'll stab you.

Taemin says JM is his closest 'friend' in the padding squad- or maybe I misunderstood what he meant but he keeps talking about Jimin and how close they are and how special their relationship is in the media and what not...

Deep it and deep it for JK too. Lmho.

He's lucky he is alive!

In my opinion, JK doesn't do too well around people who pull ranks over him. He tends to have his guard up around them and he tries to maintain formality with them.

It all depends on how comfortable JK is around certain group of friends Jimin has. Just as, it's not all friends of JK JM vibes with. Smirk.

Ok listen, I tried this sane shipper thingy yall recommended, it's not working for me-

If Taemin is not fucking with JK, JK is not gonna be fucking with him. So simple. I tried beating around the bush but chilee JK is not the problem Taemin is. There I said it.

In my opinion of course.

Whatever thing they had going on seemed personal and it could be as a result of anything.

It could be JK doesn't agree with his choices, lifestyle or influence on JM. It could also be Taemin does not approve of JK for JM. It could be he said something JK took offense at. Literally anything.

Whereas JK have reacted strongly to him in the past, I don't think I've seen Taemin have a similar strong reaction to JK. I could be wrong.

To me, he's always laughed those moments off as if JK were overreacting to something trivial- which, it's Jk, I won't put it past him but I find that behavior annoying and condescending as fuck coming from Taemin. No disrespect to Taemin.

For whatever reason, JM has always put his friendships on a pedestal talking about that his relationships is gold to him and what not and he prides himself in the fact he goes out of his way to nurture his relationships.... cool.

Love it for him.

But JK on the other hand has been striving to put up boundaries for JM in regards to the people he surrounds himself with and I don't think Taemin is an exception or was an exception.

JK has a lot of boundaries, I keep saying and they may not be the kind of boundaries you expect to see from him but he has them regardless.

He prefers for instance not to be so casual with people older than him for obvious reasons as he keeps saying, I'd assume it's a value he's tried to pass on to JM several times over the years- what is JM's view on that? Clearly JM has his own values.

JK has said he doesn't have friends and when he started making friends they were all within the same age group- the 97 liners.

JM on the other hand says all his friends are hyungs and he has one same age friend- V. Sidenote: Can't he just make Idol friends within the same age group besides V?

What goes on?!

Do y'all see the conflict of values there?

It's not always about Jealousy if you ask me.

Their values on certain things don't align.

I'm sorry. Lmho.

I mean I have said this several times now!

It's taken JK a hot minute to come to terms with, accept and get used to certain things especially in his relationship and personal life and it shows in the way he talked about 'dressing up' more often in his recent VLive, and how he seems to be acknowledging that he is a celebrity with power and status and he has to be conscious of that going forward.

Contrast that with a two years ago when he didn't even care about how he dressed to the airport and Jm said he had to use tactics to get him to get rid of his old bag or even care about how he dressed.

Significant improvement.

Jimin, as we've said claims he's come to the realization friends ain't shit- the emphasis is mine. Lol.

So I guess my answer to your question is, I don't think JK is jealous necessarily when it comes to Taemin. He reacts to him the same way he reacts to Namjoon or whosoever breaches his boundaries in regards to JM.

And that to me translates as, Taemin doesn't respect JK's boundaries for whatever reason. It could be because like I said, he doesn't think JK has a place in JM's space as his boyfriend, could be because he treats JK as JM's dongsaeng and not his equal partner.

It could be JK doesn't approve of Taemin's friendship with Jimin because he expects Jm to have boundaries especially with certain people around him- I mean I wonder how many of their friends know they are a thing. Can't be all of them💀

That too can create issues with the way they handle their boundaries with either of Jikook.

Or it can be because he is jealous too. We can't know for sure.

Signed,

GOLDY

[insomniacowl]

Neon Genesis Evangelion analysis chapter 21: Kaji Ryoji Lies and Silence

Hi, it's been a while. I'm sorry I disappeared for 5 months while working on the graduate thesis. From now on I will try to upload once every two weeks at 7pm on Saturday.

From here on out, the analysis will focus on the important characters of Evangelion with 15 chapters left to go. Thank you for your patience so far and I hope you all stick with me for the remainder of the ride.

Also, I realized that Tumblr now allows maximum of 10 photos a post, so I am thinking of moving or co-posting on a different site. I'll update all of you when that happens

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Sakiel: The third angel, the first real opponent of Nerv. A portion of voice recordings of the battle attained

Shamel: The fourth angel, visual data gathered and backed up. Will send recordings of Unit – 01's battle against it.

Ramiel: The fifth angel, portion of remains attained and analyzed. Will send information about AT field.

Gagiel: The sixth angel, visual confirmation. Information attained from the UN. Will send information along with Unit – 02's battle data.

Israphel: The seventh angel, visual confirmation, will send data through channel 11-B. Attained sample of material composition

Sandalphon: The eight angels, confirmation through a still image. No further information

Matarael: The ninth angel, visual confirmation. Used the blackout to obtain a sample.

Sahaquel: The tenth angel, photographed attained. Will enter into the database through channel 57-F

Ireul: The eleventh angel, visual confirmation, data erased by Nerv. Will retrieve physically and send them over.

Reriel: The twelfth angel. Unit – 01 went berserk again

Bardiel: The thirteenth angel. Data attained from Mitsushiro facility

Zeruel: The fourteenth angel, visual confirmation. Unit – 01 went berserk. Will send video data.

---Excerpt from "The memos of Kaji Ryoji."

"2015: the Last Year of Ryoji Kaji" was written by the head scriptwriter Yamaguchi Hiroshi and was published in 1997. It contains Kaji's observations of various Incidents and set pieces in the series. It is not anything too particular; however, the fresh perspective Kaji's writings provide makes this an essential material in our understanding of the world of Evangelion. The excerpts mentioned above are essential proof of Kaji's identity as a spy and prove that the blackout during Matarael's attack was deliberately caused by Kaji and Seele.

Furthermore, it explains how Seele had attained information regarding Iruel's existence and its attack on the Nerv facility, even when Nerv/Gendou tried to hide this fact.

The memo above seems to be the observation of Nerv and the angels made by Kaji. While Kaji officially belongs under the Japanese government's command, as we have covered in Chapter 17, the Japanese government is unaware of Lilith's existence. It, therefore, has a different numbering system from Nerv and Seele.

Adding on to this point, the public in the world of Evangelion is unaware of the existence of Lilith. High-ranking Nerv officials such as Misato are aware of Lilith only as of the cause of the First impact and no more. Thus we can deduce that Kaji made the memo while he was on Seele's side, considering that he knew about Lilith in detail. But Kaji never once wholly and permanently sided with any organization. Like how his main character trait is a "flirt," he is never loyal to any organization, just like how he is perceived to be with women; two, perhaps three-timing.

Kaji: You've lost weight

Ritsuko: Are you flirting with me? Stop. A scary-looking friend is watching.

However, it is wrong to say that Kaji was a cheater by any means. His heart belonged only to Misato, and she was the one he trusted the most. His flirting with Ritsuko and Maya made others view him as a superficial person and did not take him too seriously. This got some eyes off his back. This would have given him more freedom to act in achieving his goals (but also, it might have been fun to get Misato jealous in a playful way).

Kaji: Not like you are going to repay that. I added some dummy information in case.

Now, let's take a closer look at Kaji's actions throughout the series. He makes his first appearance in episode 7, having a phone call with Gendou discussing the Jet Alone (JA) program. Because JA was developed as a competition to the Evangelion projects, its implementation would have caused Nerv's authority to weaken and jeopardize the HIP. Making it a top priority to prevent its further development. Minus the actions taken by Misato, the proceedings of JA going berserk and being miraculously fixed were likely a scenario manufactured by Gendou.

Kaji: it has been restored up to this point. It is frozen in a thick layer of bayclade, but it is alive.

The key to the HIP

We first see his face in episode 8 on a new mission: Transporting Adam and Unit – 02 to Nerv headquarters. He likely attained Adam's body in Germany, stealing it under the nose of our dear old friend Keel. The question is, how did he do it? We will never know the details, but we know that Seele's projects that required Adam were complete at this point (Creation of Evas and Tabris). They may not have had much use or concern for the leftovers. Since Adam's fetal form is small, it would have been easy to swap the original for a copy before he left. Of course, this would not have gone unnoticed for long, and it did not.

In episode 10, we see Kaji talking to an unknown woman about the initiation of protocol A-17. It appears to be a measure that limits and shrinks Nerv's authority and freeze their funds. Just like the JA plan, it shows the hostility of the Japanese government towards Nerv. Because Nerv and Seele are still on agreeable terms, Kaji is seen as a double spy between Nerv and the Japanese government. But in episode 11, the Nerv blackout happens. With clues spread over the episode pointing to Kaji as the culprit with Seele's support, we begin to see him in action as a triple spy.

The reason why Kaji undertook such a dangerous role is to get closer to the "Truth." Upon realizing the Japanese government's imbecility, he begins to walk the rope between Nerv and Seele to seek the truth.

Kaji: Is that an angel? This is not the time to be doing my job

We first see him in action in episode 13 while the HQ was distracted defending against Ireul. Here we see him collecting information around the central dogma. While doing so, Kaji notices the angel while passing through the passage in level 28 and hears the announcement that the "Sigma unit (the Eva simulation chamber) will be shut off in 60 seconds. Bearing in mind that Magi is located in level 40 and that a lower number refers to a deeper level, we can see that Kaji has already infiltrated deep into the complex. As central dogma and Lilith were information that Nerv and Seele wanted to keep secret, this infiltration was likely Kaji's initiative. With the same logic, we can also say that the information he gathered regarding the Marduk institution in episode 15 was his individual action as well.

Later in the episode, he is found by Misato as he was trying to infiltrate the central dogma. But Kaji does not seem surprised by this fact and opens the door without hesitation. What they see on the other side was the white giant Lilith. However, we hear Kaji refer to it as Adam. Why? There are two possible explanations for this. First is that Kaji knew that it was Lilith but deliberately lied to Misato.

This explanation is weak at best. It contradicts the characterization of Misato being the only woman Kaji trusts. Further, it contradicts the portrayal of their relationship in the following episodes. It is also difficult to explain why Kaji would distinguish between Adam and Lilith in his explanation to Misato.

The other possible explanation is that Kaji believed this to be Adam, and I am personally more convinced of this explanation. As we have seen in an earlier episode, Kaji passed on the Adam sample to Gendou. Both were fully aware of what he has gotten into his hands (puns perhaps intended). Then why did Kaji believe that it was Adam in central dogma? He likely at this moment believed that the white giant was the manifestation of the Adam sample that he stole. Although it looked different, Kaji, who saw Sandalphon transforming at an unbelievable speed, would have drawn parallels.

Kaji's misunderstanding is also supported by the secretiveness of the existence of Lilith. The information being top-secret accessible only to the Gendou and Seele. Even when Gendou referred to Adam as "The first man," it could be him trying to misdirect Kaji on the identity of the white giants. Although the reason for this secretiveness is not apparent, we know that Seele was ashamed of their status as the descendent of Lilith, this being the reason for conducting the ritual of atonement.

The HIP Seele type is, in essence, based on the feeling of perceived inferiority against the Adam-based angels. Thus it can explain away why Seele would want to keep the project a secret from the public. Even without such reasons, Lilith's identity as a being in the same caliber of existence as Adam might have created a need to keep her locked away and kept secret. This to minimize unnecessary friction and interference in their plans by other organizations.

To add on, let's touch on the strange phrase written on the container of Adam's sample that Kaji brought over. "Who is you? He is living. Why?". There are no explanations given regarding this phrase. It is likely written by one of the researchers in the german facility that was studying this sample. Being the only remaining Adam sample that seemed alive with the absence of a soul, it would have been baffling to look at it.

This lie about the identity of Adam and Lilith is a recurring motif. In the earlier chapters discussing the angels' identity, I have mentioned that due to the enemies being the "Angels," Evangelion fundamentally rejects the narrative of Good triumphing over Evil. During one of the sequences in the opening song, there is a frame reading "ADAM," and it is unique as it is the only one that is black words with a white background. This likely foreshadows the fact that information regarding Adam that we receive is different, thus, at some level, inaccurate or lies.

Either way, the truth of the White giant's identity is revealed near the end of the series. The audiences are made aware of it through the exposition of Tabris. For Miasto, she receives this truth from Kaji along with all the information and data he collected by himself. Through this 'Truth,' we can infer what Kaji wanted to protect and what his 'will' was. This 'will' to live is passed on from Kaji to Misato, from Misato to Shinji, and influences his decision during the end of Evangelion.

Kaji: Shinji, the only thing that I can do right now is to water these plants. And as much, there are things that only you are capable of accomplishing right now. No one is going to force you to do anything. Think for yourself. Decide for yourself. Determined what it is that you need to do right now.

So that you will not end up in regrets.

The alliance between Gendou and Seele began to show signs of schisms in episode 19 after Unit – 01 consumed Zeruel's S2 engine and became a being as though god. This was more in line with the plan of Gendou, who sought for the creation of a new god, the material conditions misaligning from Seele's plans of atoning for the sin of Lilith. Kaji was very much likely to have been aware of all this. When the schisms showed, Kaji had to choose the side he had to stand with. He seemed to have concluded that Nerv is closer to the truth that he wanted. Therefore he ended up helping Gendou achieve his version of the HIP.

I say this as Kaji played a crucial role in convincing Shinji to return and pilot Unit – 01 during the battle against Zeruel. Afterward, Kaji released Fuyutsuki, who was kidnapped by Seele, and began his pro-Nerv strategies. This leads up to his assassination by Seele's orders. To borrow Seele's words, "The bell around Gendou's neck lost its will to ring."

Fuyutsuki: Is that you Kaji?

Kaji: It's been a while.

Fuyutsuki: You will lose your life if you do this.

Kaji: I am just heading towards the truth that I believe in.

Let me talk a little more about his death. In episode 21 of the renewal version, an additional line was spoken: "They found out that I handed over Adam's sample to Gendou." This draws a line connecting the importance of Adam's Sample in Kaji's death and its role in the HIP.

Regarding the Assassin identity, due to the scene of Misato's grief being placed right after Kaji's death in "Death and Rebirth," some believed that it was Misato killed Kaji. One of the rare things that Anno came forward and cleared up was that Kaji's assassin was an unnamed individual that we do not see ever on screen. An additional argument made by those suspecting Misato as the culprit claims the evidence of interlaying of Misato's apartment door label right after the gunshot. This was later removed in the renewal version.

Kaji: No one can understand another person to a full extend. They can't even understand themselves.

But that is why people try their best to understand the other.

And that is what makes life such a fun experience.

Many of what Kaji says touches on the critical messages of Evangelion. It is also why I am starting off this section, the analysis of characters with Kaji; understanding Kaji is integral to understanding the series as a whole. He loved Misato but could not tell her his true feelings during the happiness of reunion after eight years. This was likely the greatest form of love that he could have given her, knowing that he is close to his death. The reason for Kaji's obsession with the truth and the sufferings he experienced in the past is fleshed out in detail in the comics version. He was orphaned as a consequence of the Second impact. After a failed attempt at stealing food from the military base, all of his friends were killed, leaving him alive and questioning the reason for their suffering and death. Kaji sought to avenge his friends by understanding why the Second impact happened.

But even without going into the details, we can try and understand the pain and suffering he went through as the generation living after the Second impact. Yet, his general attitude towards life and his ability to call living to be fun is his unique charm. He even managed to have a smile on his face while looking at the face of his death. His smile was not a forced fake that he made to mask his fear of death; he has probably smiled from the bottom of his heart.

Yo. You're late

Because he would have already reached the truth that he worked so part to attain.

TBC Chapter 22: Katsuragi Misato Part 1 With a cross in hand

[tanzmitmirsblog]

Life is a Pandora's box and the hope within Prometheus

  Is mythology merely a collection of fascinating legends, or does it have a purpose? Mythology is concerned with both the past and the present. It illuminates the path. Mythology explains how emotion may take control of a person. We can clearly perceive that the greatest enemies of humanity are passion, ambition, hatred, selfishness, and greed. A myth is an image with which we try to make sense of the world,” says Alan Watts. Beyond your imagination, these stories tell us that "the limits of life are beyond what you only know, learn from your past and guide your future." I can hear this whisper. "Myth and nature are the two great garments of the world; nature is the vibrant green garment that covers the planet, and myth is the multidimensional, multi-coloured fabric that constantly covers human culture."(Michael Meade) We can understand the meaningful expression of these words of Michael Meade more easily by expanding our knowledge pool. Nature is a gift given to the world, and man is the other gift that completes the world. He can contain every colour in his soul and turn the world into a work of art, or he can object to other colours and choose only black and go towards the depths of darkness. I would like to tell you about mythological stories that have inspired me. Mythology's brightest stars are Pandora's box and the Prometheus legend.     According to a legend, Zeus created Pandora, the first woman on Earth, as a punishment for humanity. This punishment for humanity was devastating and unkind like the great flood of Noah. When humanity forgot about its creators or ignored the gods, the gods were reminding themselves of such punishments. Zeus gave Pandora a box that she should never have opened. This box symbolized the personality of women. There was so much evil in the box, such as malice, hatred, anger, murder, and greed. If the box was opened, these evils would spread to the earth, and Pandora's curiosity prevailed and she opened the box. All evil has spread and swept the world. The great disaster was now within humanity. The box, which Zeus knowingly gave to a woman's curiosity in this story, was a great scourge for humanity. Besides all these evils in the box, there was only one good thing for humanity and that was hope. Mankind has never abandoned hope, and hope has been his only consolation. Instead of blaming Pandora, who opened the box, one should consider Zeus, who sent her for this purpose. For poor Pandora to succumb to her curiosity was the most unlikely thing that could happen to a mortal, but Zeus, who knew this, also knew what would destroy the human race, if you ask me, Zeus survived these evils and his jealousy became his most dangerous weapon. In this regard, Zeus, who continued this ugly reign like Cronus, who ate his sons so that his father would not heir to the throne and his power would not decrease, always succumbed to his feelings. Pandora's curiosity was an invisible mistake compared to what Zeus had done. "Hope? Hope is the last evil!" says Nietzsche. The fact that the last thing humanity clings to is hope, which actually informs them that it is the greatest evil done to them, but without hope, there would be no real reason for people to hold on. Of course, the thing that hurts the most is the disappointment caused by the lack of hope, but no matter how tired one gets, it is also important to be able to fight with the last hope left in one's hands and rely on that hope. Therefore hope, which Zeus saw as a huge bad power, was actually a light for humanity.      It would not be enough just to blame Pandora. For Zeus, his main target was Prometheus. Prometheus had been punished many years ago, by setting fire to humanity and making it higher than God. Zeus tied Prometheus to the hard rock at the foot of the Caucasus Mountains by force and violence with unshakable and unbreakable chains. Prometheus had helped Zeus in the battle with the titans, and this favour was quickly forgotten. Zeus' vengeance was enough to make him forget this great goodness. Zeus had insolence, arrogance, egocentric coarseness of human nature. He could have killed Prometheus instead of chaining him, but Zeus couldn't because he had an interest. There was a prophecy told to him. One day a boy would be born and take his throne from him. and only Prometheus knew who the boy's mother was. Zeus sent Hermes to find out this secret, but Prometheus resisted and did not tell the secret, despite all the torture, albeit in chains. showed that there can be a solution if there is willpower. At that moment, the god of gods left Zeus helpless. Prometheus was released generations later. Chiron was ready to die for Prometheus. Hercules slew the eagle and unchained Prometheus from the rock. We realize that even the enmity does not last forever when Zeus says that now this punishment may be enough and will set him free. Prometheus is the strongest character in this story, he is the symbol of justice and he represents never surrender, no matter how much pressure, no matter how to torture. While Prometheus was being held captive in chains, a beautiful and mysterious girl would visit him. This girl's name was IO. They would chat with Prometheus and talk about Zeus. Zeus falls in love with this girl and this love does not escape Hera's eyes. Suspecting Zeus, Hera assigns her servant Argus, who has 100 eyes, to keep him comfortable and control him. Knowing that his lies are useless, Zeus is watched by Argus even while he sleeps. Desperate Zeus turns her into a poor ugly starving animal to get close to her love. However, Argus still does not stop watching him. Finally, Zeus commissions his son Hermes, the messenger of the gods, to kill Argus. Hermes played sweetly upon a pipe of reeds. Argus was pleased at the sound and called to the musician to come nearer. Hermes made some of the hundred eyes sleepy, but some were always awake. Finally, Hermes killed him. If you believe that poor IO has been saved, you are mistaken about Hera's rage and envy. Hera sent a gad-fly to plague her, which stung her to madness. When IO told this to Prometheus, he tried to comfort her. She ran along the seas and lands. This part of the sea was called Bosporus. As she reached the Nile, Zeus would restore her to her earlier human form. She would bear a son called Epophus. IO’s descendant would be Hercules who was the one of the greatest heroes. Prometheus helped them. Hercules helped Prometheus at the same time, he gave Prometheus’ freedom. The good are rewarded. We realize that the evil characters aren't always the heroes, and that the good guys will return one day.     Gods and goddesses are another shape of humanity of current. They used their power to destroy somethings like big cities. Even today power wars have not finished. Someone who feels powerful wants to be mightier. Human or gods is trying to force somebody to abdicate. We are aware that a desire is worth more than a drop of blood. We see that neither hostility nor friendship last forever. Zeus who was the god of gods and Prometheus who was the saviour of man were the best friends, but Prometheus’ giving fire to humanity as a gift and knowing a prophecy about Zeus turned this friendship into enmity. At the present time, good friendships can become enmity for any reason. In past, Zeus left Prometheus in despair. Jealousy, the main concept that never changes in both present and past, played a role in almost every event. Jealousy creates slyness as a snake and cunning as a wolf. Today, every person who is jealous definitely brings evil things whatever happens. We have learned from Hera how jealousy is dangerous when it is combined with power. She used her power whenever Zeus fell in love with another woman. Beautiful Psyche’s sisters have showed that jealousy is disease and it spreads as fast as fire. They came her home and jealousy wrapped them like a fire. When Pandora opened the box, so many evil things showed up, but at the same time hope approved itself. People never abandon to hope. We are still aware that everything which is bad has a solution and we can defeat anything if there is hope. Hope is really the cure for everything. Just believing is enough to overcome most things. The eyes in the hearts should always remain open. Living as if a person would never die gives rise to endless desires. Today, many people have these desires; however, you can restrain your desire and everything is in your hands. You can abuse this opportunity and you can also use to good things. If a person is defeated by her or his anger and ambition, this short life swallows her or him. Mythology enables us to see what the truth or wrong is, the truth or evil is, and deceptions or deaths are. It helps us to know people who are captured all emotions. It shows that history always repeats and cruelty does not change in both past and present. Fate always overcomes everything. This never change in past or present. History leads to understand what truth is and what wrong is. This bridge always provides to understand the relationship between powerful and powerless. We are actor in own stage. We should play the best play for life. We should stay alive. It does not matter how it will be because we are not permanent in this life.

-Tanzmitmirsblog

[life-rewritten]

Psycho but it’s okay- Fairy tales and their foreshadowing Part 3(Blue Beard, Othello, Wizard of Oz)

To Kill or Not To Kill

Note by the author: I feel like the momentum of PBIO is slowly reducing. The episodes so far have been incredible but I can see us losing steam and enthusiasm because of the back and forth still going on with our couple. Right now things are very heightened due to the conflict with the brothers and the supposed return of Moon Young’s mum but lately it’s been difficult to analyse that without repeating the same themes over and over again. Nevertheless here is a very short  (well shorter than what I normally do) analytical post analysing the show so far and the theme this time is the murder of women! Enjoy.

Bluebeard was first mentioned in episode 6, the title of the episode focused on Bluebeard’s secret. The fairy tale of Bluebeard although chilling actually has a happy ending. The young girl gets rescued by her family from her serial killer husband. In Psycho it’s okay many characters are shown to see the story of Bluebeard in different perspectives of the other characters. Moon Young sees it as the girl who is traumatised and almost killed by Blue beard because of her curiosity and uncovering the truth that all his wives were killed by him, Sang Tae sees it as a sad story about why Bluebeard kept on marrying women because of loneliness and wanting to be loved, and Moon Young’s dad sees it from Bluebeard’s perspective for the reason for why he killed the women and his wife. 

Park O Ran, the patient in the hospital has taken up a sinister role as Moon Young’s mother, she reads the book by her mother and constantly hums the song that haunts both Moon Young and her father. She mentions the next tale, the story about Othello a general who was misled into killing his wife because of lies and manipulation from the outside. She is seeing it from the point of Moon Young’s mum who she believes was unfairly killed and seen wrongly by society and the family she loves. Moon Young’s father is plagued with guilt and at the same time fear that he killed his wife, and follows the perspective of Othello who was overcome with jealousy and insecurity in why he killed his wife and everyone around him. Moon Young is like the innocent wife of Othello as well because she is the victim in this whole manipulation and game between Lago, Cassio and Othello. Her caring and trusting nature leads her to being hurt. 

Lastly the name of the book Moon Young’s mother writes is called The murder of the wicked witch of the west. The wicked witch of the west is found in the fairy tale The wizard of oz. It’s interesting when you analyse the story as the story focuses on a young girl who ends up being the down fall of witch because she was manipulated by the wizard and others to do so. Again from Moon Young’s mother’s perspective she is the victim, the wicked witch was feared because she had green skin. (This will later parallel with Blue beard and his own insecurities about his blue coloured beard), she is seen as wicked because of this, people don’t notice that the reason she wants Dorothy’s downfall is because Dorothy’s house fell on her sister and killed her, and they stole her red shoes. They took someone precious from her and stole her things. This is very similar to Moon Young’s mother who is protective of her family and is determined to get rid of any one who tries to take them away. Dorothy ends up using water mistakenly killing the witch and she then realises that real person society worshipped, the wizard is not even powerful or real. He’s just a manipulator behind the scenes. 

All these stories have the themes of women being killed unfairly, and being viewed as something they are not. The interesting thing about these stories is that there are themes and imagery that stand out and so when the characters see the stories in a different way it’s shadowing their own internal strife and struggles. Mostly these 3 stories together help piece together the traumatic connection between Moon Young and her real family, her flashbacks and trauma with her mother who seems cold and is seen as monster/witch, her fear and the abuse suffered by her father who seems to have been convinced and manipulated into thinking she’s a monster and her self who has been groomed to be like her mother but is curious and desperate to be a good witch not a bad one. The story also leaves clues again to foreshadowing clues, such as Moon Young’s father being the one to cause her mother to die, Moon Young having a role in it, Moon Young finding out about a murder of another woman in the basement that still haunts her till this day (just like Bluebeard’s bride did) and Gang Tae’s link to danger because of being connected to wanting to free her. 

In a way Gang Tae finds a way to play a role in all of these fairy tales if you see it in a different way. He could be the brother that came to save the girl from Bluebeard and helped her run away. He could be the Cassio in the story of Othello, the loyal fair general who Othello becomes manipulated into jealousy against, Or he can be the good witch Glinda that offers Dorothy (Moon Young) a chance at freedom and a chance to see the wizard or he could also be the wizard who is actually weaker than how he’s viewed by everyone in Oz.  Either way Gang Tae plays the role of the saviour again in these roles willing to help save Moon Young whilst also being hurt by society if he gets to know her or if she uncovers his truth. 

(The way I see it we can see characters in Othello like this; we can Othello as Moon Young’s father, Lago as Society and Othello’s wife as Moon Young’s mother- that way it tells the story that from her point of view Moon Young’s mother feels betrayed that her husband was manipulated by society’s norms and others into thinking she was a monster and killing her. Or you can see it in this way Othello- Moon Young’s mother, Othello’s wife- Moon Young, Cassio- Gang Tae Lago-Society/Father- In this way Moon Young’s mother kills Moon Young’s spirit because she was jealous of her daughter being taken by Gang Tae when he arrived at the castle and her father as Lago because he ends up causing all of them to be killed by his selfishness and coldness.  Or society because Moon Young’s mum doesn’t want anyone to take her daughter from her because she feels alone by how she is viewed by society for her illness and it drives her to being jealous when Gang Tae shows up)   

The themes of these stories then follow the ideas of people feeling alienated by societal norms and their desperate attempts to not be alone as mentioned by Sang Tae who relates to this because he views his Autism as the blue beard of Bluebeard or green skin of the wicked witch . Moon Young’s is her ASPD that she was either born with or groomed with that makes people see her as a monster and take her feelings for granted. Her mother might have been the same as well. In a way the way Society views things that are different i.e. mental health causes these characters to be alienated and desperate to not lose the people who finally come into their lives. Moon Young’s mum adamant need to keep her alone in the castle by twisting her mind, Moon Young wanting Gang Tae by her side and Sang Tae’s own dependency on Gang Tae. The next themes also focuses on curiosity/ the need to uncover the secrets, which ends up being a downfall of the characters in these stories. Moon Young is like the bride in Bluebeard who’s curiosity leads her to breaking her promise and seeing the truth about her husband, she is traumatised by this scene but is later freed from it. Just like her curiosity with Gang Tae when they were younger leads to her realising how much of a monster her mother can be, and if we are still on that theory, it could be the catalyst for why Gang Tae’s mum ended up being murdered or why her mother ended up being killed.  

The last themes mentioned is manipulation of people being a reason for why innocent people get hurt. In Bluebeard we are shown through Moon Young’s father that the reason why Bluebeard kills his wife is because she looked like an angel but she was manipulating him into thinking so, she was always a monster who didn’t love the man but wanted his riches. In Othello, Othello is led to believe that his wife is unfaithful and is driven to madness by jealousy when in reality it was all manipulation by Lago who is jealous of Cassio. And Wizard of Oz, Dorothy is manipulated by society that the wicked witch is evil, and also is manipulated by them to believing the powers of the wizard when in reality he’s just a fake behind the curtain. She had the powers all along when she was given the red shoes. In this show Manipulation causes issues for the people, whether it causes massive fall outs like when Sang Tae felt manipulated by Gang Tae’s lies and his own perspective of his memories, or when Moon Young felt manipulated by her mother to run away from Gang Tae because she’ll never have someone who loves her for who she is. Manipulation comes at a cost for these people who feel alone and isolated by the world and it leads them to losing it and making choices which end up hurting everyone in the progress. 

 (I also wanted to mention the water Dorothy uses to kill the witch, I mentioned in my previous posts that there is memory of a woman drowning and Moon Young watching the woman drown, and there’s a woman who was thrown of a balcony that was kept in the basement who Moon Young saw. The woman who was drowning could be Moon Young’s mother, because the song she sings to her Dear Clementine is also about a woman who drowns. )

So to Kill or Not to Kill? Was it right that Moon Young’s mother got killed, are we being manipulated by others to think she was evil when she might be just like Moon Young and have a disorder causing her to be perceived that way. Did the father have any right to want to kill Moon Young? Is Gang Tae right in the way he views her and treats her because he feels she has no emotions? (This one is complete bull by the way, the way he treats her is not okay. End of.) Are these women in the right or are they in the wrong and should they be treated like monsters and killed? Should they be alone? We all know the title of the show disagrees. It’s okay to not be okay. These people have every right to be loved, and be treated properly. They are still humans.  

[atopearth]

Ikemen Vampire Part 7 - Theodorus van Gogh Route

Okay, I'm really hoping I'll like this route because Theodorus' looks are 100% my type. Not gonna lie, it was love at first sight when I first played this game lmao (so dramatic), I think it's the eyes and the brown hair, he just looks so beautiful🥺🥺 Hmm how interesting, I would like to see how long Theodorus and them can hide from the heroine the fact that they're all vampires. Considering that Theodorus is an art dealer, I wonder how he got that gigantic scar on his back, it must have been pretty bad if the heroine was ready to run away lol. Anyway, half naked Theodorus was nice fanservice I guess, too bad I prefer my LIs clothed hahaha. Omg, I know he just called her a dog but it was honestly pretty hot🤣 Anyway, I love how we've seen 3 different outfits from Theodorus already, that grey suit actually suits him pretty nicely!

HAHAHA, I love how the heroine apologised to him saying it was her bad for thinking that he was actually being nice (when he said he'd carry the painting just in case she got run over by a carriage with it since she was careless lol). It was nice how Theo's attitude changed a bit from his usual harshness when the heroine genuinely asked him what art dealers do (since she's being forced to help him to keep the secret about the scar), I guess when it comes to art, he's nice to everyone haha. The art deal was cliche since the heroine has got to see how cool Theo is at inspecting fake art etc, but Theo made it pretty entertaining tbh, it was great how confident he was, how concise he was with his words and how it felt like he knew the heart of the painter when he checked it, he was really cool!🥺 Even though Theo isn't the most outwardly nice person, I love seeing how kind and thoughtful he actually is. Not only is he a great brother to Vincent, I honestly didn't think that he went around selling the art of young and budding artists too! I really liked how he got the heroine to choose a painting that called out to her heart so that she could more personally experience picking art for herself with her own eyes and without being reliant or biased by Theo's trained eyes, I think it's really nice to see how Theo is really properly trying to guide her even though he probably made her his assistant on a whim to protect her from the whole vampire thing.

LMAO when Theo started tickling the heroine because Vincent wanted to see her smile so he can more visually see what he can fix for the smile on his painting. Theo really would do anything for Vincent🤣 Hahahah trust Theo to actually have a dog as a pet, it's especially funny since he keeps calling the heroine his dog lmao. I have to agree with the heroine, imagining Theo picking and buying that magnifying glass for her as a present was such a cute image, I couldn't help but smile. It's nice to have the confirmation from Theo himself that he started dragging the heroine around because he wanted to enjoy her time here. I feel like the reason he's doing all this is related to how Vincent died, since we all know Vincent van Gogh didn't exactly lead a happy life, and as the brother who couldn't "save" him, I'm sure Theo feels terrible about it, so I feel like he wants others to be able to enjoy life if they can? Well, I knew that with Theo secretly supporting artists to draw stuff other than what's allowed (religion and landscapes), it would cause trouble but I didn't think they'd really try to kill him, pretty crazy. But I guess he is forming an organisation to go against the Academie and threatening their positions in society so it should be expected in a sense. I'm glad the heroine was able to tell him that even though Theo thinks the true geniuses are people like Vincent, people like Theo are also irreplaceable for being the ones to discover these artists and work hard in bringing them to light and change how art can be perceived, since without people like him, not everyone may necessarily appreciate the art. I find it really sweet that the heroine got to see firsthand how hardworking Theo is and be inspired by him and want to help him achieve his goal of giving people the freedom to draw what they can and expand the world of art. I also love how much of a home she's made with the young artists now that they even ask her for her opinion as well, it's so cute~

LOLL it's so cute how Arthur telling Theo to go on a date with the heroine is like an instant no, but when he says the heroine wants to learn more about art, Theo's like let's go and doesn't listen to anything else hahahah. It was sad when Theo talked about how he didn't have the talent to be an artist and it took him a long time to admit that, but it was really sweet of the heroine to tell him that him following his dream until the end meant something because he was able to become who he is today after it. It's something so simple, but I think it kinda hit me too haha. It was really cute how Vincent patted Theo on the head for helping him arrange an exhibition for him, it's so cute to see Theo as a little brother haha. It breaks my heart to see Theo so traumatised by the sound of gunshots... Anyway, because of the Theo in this game, I googled a bit about the real Theodorus van Gogh and I just found it so saddening to read about how supportive he was of his brother Vincent van Gogh and yet everything ended so tragically, I think the existence of his numerous letters to Vincent really showed his love for him and it just makes me sad to think about how he must have felt over Vincent's death.

Hearing Theo personally say that Vincent is his whole world and that he refuses to let this second chance at life slip through his hands really makes it hard to tell him to not work so hard, since he more than anyone else knows the value of life and how important it is to do what you can in the time you have. So I'm really glad Theo's words got through to the heroine, and now she's decided to force him to let her help him as much as she can, then he won't need to do everything by himself. Shakespeare really likes to cause trouble, doesn't he? Regardless though, I guess it's good for the heroine to find out they're vampires if she really wants to stay by Theo. I like how she took the whole revelation though, she was shocked but understanding and I guess that's thanks to Theo for treating her so well, but also because everyone treated her nicely I guess. It was cliche but I really loved how the heroine rushed into the burning gallery to at least save the painting Theo and Vincent really treasured. For Theo to so earnestly cherish a specific painting makes the heroine understand just how important it is, so I could see why she would risk her life for it, and as someone who has seen his most precious brother die without being able to help him, Theo understands how heartbreaking it can be to lose someone suddenly, so I also really liked how he rushed to save her, and hugged her in the heat of the moment since he was so worried that he would lose her.

Although I'm not familiar with Paul Gauguin and his paintings, it's fascinating to find out that Vincent van Gogh and him lived together for a bit! Also crazy to Google that it seems like them living together ended with Vincent slicing his ear off and Paul leaving or running off to Paris. Anyway, for this story, Theo says that Paul was the person who shot Vincent to his death and then ran off, and then when Theo confronted him about it, he admitted to killing Vincent, and then shot Theo when he tried to leave?! Woww, that's so despicable. Honestly, I love how straightforward they are with each other. The moment Theo realised that some things needed to be spoken rather than assumed, he went to clear it up with the heroine that he does like her and hopes that he can move forward from the past with her. Whereas, with the heroine, she misunderstood (understandably since he was shy towards Arthur's teasing) but she still was brave enough to tell him that even if he didn't feel the same way, she would still love him, which was so cute haha. So, I'm glad they communicated properly and even held hands!

Although I'm disappointed that Theo and Vincent's deaths weren't as recorded in real life since I think it would have been really interesting to explore Vincent's suicide and Theo possibly being so struck with grief over it that he passed away half a year later, it was nice to see Theo overcome the desire for revenge and recognise that loving art is a blessing and not a curse even if they may not be the most talented painters. I'm kinda sad that Gauguin was such a basic villain though lol, like he's pretty crazy to kill people because he's jealous of art talent, and honestly he doesn't deserve forgiveness lol. I guess Theo had a love-hate relationship with the wheatfields painting. He couldn't help but love it since it reminded him of his and Vincent's pure love for art back in the day, but at the same time because they could never go back to that, he hated seeing it, but when the heroine risked her life to save the painting from the fire, he realised how important it really was, and how he loved it more than he hated it. On another note, I feel like it would be pretty cool if we could have something like a spin off and romance the "villain" counterparts of each of the LIs hahaha. I honestly loved how Vincent and Theo properly told each other how they really loved each other and cherished the fact that they were brothers even though Theo once upon a time did wish to not be his brother. On the other hand, I really didn't like how Theo also ended up going back with the heroine to her time and leaving Vincent. Like, I know and understand the idea of the usual stuff like it's about time Theo got to live for himself blah blah blah, but honestly, Vincent's existence is so integrated into Theo's life, I feel like having one of them missing is like losing a part of themselves even if it's true that they can thrive by themselves. It's also such a shame since I feel like Vincent and Theo finally properly opened up to each other and could spend more time happily bonding rather than being fixated on stuff like revenge and other worries, so yeah I'm sad for the romantic ending lol.

Overall, I really liked Theo's route! Well, I liked everything before Gauguin came into being lol, because he was made into such a weird obsessive character that is probably the worst villain to forgive lol. Like, how can someone who loves art just as much as them be so fixated on jealousy and kill people because of it? I'm not saying it doesn't happen, but it was super out of nowhere and a weak way to show that he's a "villain", when I feel like they could have done something more like Isaac Newton's villain where they did share the same love and passion for their respective skills, but things just happened causing rifts and stuff, so yeah, Gauguin and the last bits were pretty disappointing. However, I did really enjoy how this route tried something different with Theo hiding their vampire identities to protect the heroine, and I think I really felt how sweet, loving and caring he was. I also loved seeing how passionate Theo was with art and art dealing and how his relationship with Vincent was full of love but also some strain. I think their brotherly bond was nicely portrayed, but also could have been focused more on instead of the random Gauguin imo haha. Anyway, even though the heroine and Theo's relationship was pretty dramatic at times especially with the fire and stuff, it was still really sweet, and Theo definitely grew on me as they both worked together and she came to understood his dream haha. I think I personally like Theo's and Mozart's routes the most.

[littlesparklight]

This is both a list of the seven main goddesses Zeus’ marries or is otherwise involved with and some short worldbuilding thoughts, more as an aid for my fic writing than anything else. The details are thus my own interpretations, though I follow the order they were with Zeus as Hesiod gives it and the children they get together!

Metis is first. He meets her before the Titanomachy; Rhea brings her along as a second mind to help plan the eventual coup as she starts daring to visit him more directly the older he gets and might actually be able to fight his father. They get involved and are married through the war, but shortly after that whole Thing goes down and Metis is gone. He was young, it was half desperation, half impetuous action born out of aggressive (perceived self-)defense and confusion.

Themis is second. She is perhaps as much rebound as an attempt at legitimacy (a king should have a wife), but it works out surprisingly well. They mesh beyond just any sexual attraction. As much as they do like each other, however, they don't last, though she's still second in terms of length. They work better as friends and confidantes without the bond and expectation "wife and husband" imparts on their relationship, it just takes time for them to get there to realize that (Themis does not like the cheating, but she immediately susses out why it keeps happening and that it has nothing to do with her and their relationship, so it's the lesser reason for the eventual divorce). The Horai (Dike, Eunomia, Eirene, also called Thallo, Auxo and Carpo, are the keepers of the gates of Olympos) and three nymph daughters (they care for some of the divine artifacts) are his oldest legitimate children.

Eurynome is third. They lasted as long as it took for her youngest (Pasithea) to reach three before she decided she wasn't Up For This. Mostly because when she did approach him (and she approached him first, though made sure Zeus worked up to seduction/courting by himself, so it appeared to be from his initiation), it was intended as a way to get back at Rhea (and Kronos) for being dethroned. She ended up caring enough about Zeus that she knew it wasn't right for either of them, so, unable to continue her attempted revenge, broke things off to go back to her parents. They have three daughters, Aglaia/Charis, Thalia and Pasithea. (-Taking the Oceanid Eurynome as the same as the Eurynome and Titan Ophion who briefly ruled from Olympos before Rhea and Kronos got rid of them; it's a brief scrap of myth that I found rather interesting, and you can use it to add some substance and character and motivation to Eurynome.)

Demeter is fourth. She wasn't really interested in marriage - and they don't precisely marry even after some wooing which involved a bride kidnapping (half as a joke honestly and she didn't take it seriously, especially when it ended like a couple miles away in a meadow, not on Olympos, which she... partially lives at anyway); they had a lot of fun, but exactly because of that Demeter realized she Super Wasn't Interested in making it official. It had less to do with Zeus as a person and more the fact that she just didn't want to marry, or be the queen, or have to have a family in the way you were supposed to when it comes to marriage. Neither knew about her pregnancy with Persephone yet when Demeter put her foot down, and Zeus was relieved this time when the child turned out to be a daughter and not a/his first son.

Mnemosyne is fifth. They lasted for a while (Zeus divorced her when Leto caught his interest), the longest after Themis (third after he marries Hera) and while the nine children he got by her are of course loved, nine is a lot for not getting a single son. It's Zeus' greatest reason for divorce when it comes to Mnemosyne, but they were both in agreement here on top of the fact she was very disenchanted with his cheating and didn't take it as laconically as Themis did.

Leto is sixth. Zeus pursues Hera at the same time (who keeps denying him) as he's involved with Leto, and while he doesn't marry her, he keeps being involved with her, which pisses Hera off and makes her feel both insulted as well as threatened as she picks up on the change in the flow, the possibility of changing order, as Leto becomes pregnant. That has Hera both extremely jealous (the chance Leto is pregnant with a son to induce such a change is very possible, after all) and insulted Zeus is still insisting with her, so she harries Leto throughout her pregnancy and especially close to labour in a fit of partially misplaced anger. Zeus only gives up on Leto shortly after Artemis and Apollo is born. (Leto is, honestly, relieved, for she wouldn't have done well as Queen, but would also not have taken steps for divorce herself if they had actually married.) (-I took quite a bit of freedom with the order of events/reasons etc, for trying to set Leto as coming before Hera as Hesiod says she does makes lots of trouble with how Leto’s actual pregnancy myth goes, so while she’s still harried, obviously, people who aren’t born yet aren’t involved (Ares, most notably, haha). I’m simply prioritising the order she comes in above anything else, here.)

Hera is seventh. A mix of persistence and, finally, Zeus humbling himself as much as he tricks her, for the transformation into a cuckoo does last for a whole Great Year. Not that he keeps it for that whole time, but he keeps up the pretense for that long, with Themis' help as needed. It ends up doing what he hopes as it endears him to her, so when he reveals himself, Hera is surprised and charmed he stayed something so cute and harmless for such a length of time, and is convinced (as well as for her own ambition) to marry him.

[syrupwit]

Letter for Chocolate Box 2021

-

Hello there, and welcome to my letter for Chocolate Box Exchange 2021! I appreciate that you’ve taken the time to read this letter. I hope that it will provide you with clarification, inspiration, or at the very least a bit of entertainment.

I have requested fic only for all items below. Although I’ve written more for some sections and less for others, rest assured that I would be thrilled to receive a gift for any of the requested fandoms or relationships. 

Please see the table of contents below:

Likes

Do Not Want (DNW)

Fandom: The Magnus Archives

Fandom: Planescape: Torment

Fandom: Stellar Firma

-

LIKES

My general/SFW likes include: 

Surreality and weirdness

Character studies

Lore and worldbuilding

Humor and comedy, especially dark comedy

Psychological, paranormal, and cosmic horror

Stories-within-a-story

Unreliable narrators

Unusual team-ups

Dramatic rescues

Canon divergence AUs

Unconventional formats

My smut/NSFW likes include:

First times

Awkwardness

Characters being super into each other, especially if one or both of them are conventionally unattractive

Jealousy

Xeno

Humiliation with a male sub

Tease and denial

Orgasm delay; also orgasm denial

Dominant bottoms

Mutual dubcon/noncon, or dubcon where the dubconned party enjoys it

I have a very long list of fic likes here.

-

DO NOT WANT (DNW)

Characters under age 16 involved in sexual situations

Sex without mutual attraction

Hate speech or hate crimes (discussions/mentions of bigotry are fine)

Harm to animals (the existence of ghost animals is OK, and it’s fine to mention animals that have canonically died, but I don’t want to hear about injury, abuse, or noncanonical death of animals)

Bestiality

Scat

Necrophilia (sexual activity involving ghosts or sentient skeletons/undead is OK, just not inanimate corpses or remains)

Sexual activity involving worms / spiders / insects

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THE MAGNUS ARCHIVES

Requested Ships: Adelard Dekker/Gertrude Robinson, Agnes Montague/Gertrude Robinson, Evan Lukas/Naomi Herne, Gerard Keay/Tim Stoker, Harriet Fairchild & Simon Fairchild

One of my favorite pieces of horror media! <3 I’ve requested mostly rarepairs for this exchange. Please don’t look to the amount I’ve written to gauge how much I want one pairing over another -- I want all these things equally and would be happy with any of them.

Adelard Dekker/Gertrude Robinson

The respect, rapport, and humor between these two is palpable in the text of Dekker’s statements and the way Gertrude talks about him. She was still holding onto his plans to disrupt rituals after he presumably died. I’d love to know more about their working relationship, the foes they faced, and whatever’s going on with Dekker’s relationship to the Web. Extinction!Dekker would also be awesome.

If you want to get into Dekker’s faith versus Gertrude’s lack-of, please do! I’m really interested in the way that religion/faith functions in a world like TMA’s, and I love conflicts between characters where neither “side” is cast as “right” by the narrative but it’s clear why everyone believes the things they do. But if you’re not interested in touching on this topic, no worries.

Agnes Montague/Gertrude Robinson

Star-crossed as hell. I refuse to believe that they only met once, or that they were entirely somber and fateful and dutiful about it. imo Gertrude generally comes off as contemptuous or irreverent about other entities and avatars, but she seems to reserve a certain respect for Agnes. Agnes... I’d just like to know more about Agnes.

I’d love to hear about their history: how their metaphysical bond works in daily life, the encounters or near misses they’ve had over the decades, the ways they’ve helped or foiled each other from a distance. I would especially love some outsider POV, whether it’s Gertrude receiving statements about Agnes, Agnes hearing of Gertrude’s exploits secondhand, or a third party perceiving a meeting between them. A statement directly from Agnes could also be awesome.

I’d love any AU where they have to work more closely together, as well -- be it canon divergence, or a setting AU like vampire/vampire hunter. (Oooh. Buffyverse AU with Gertrude as a Watcher and Agnes as the leader of the vampire cult that killed her latest Slayer, y/n?)

Evan Lukas/Naomi Herne

“Alone” was one of the first episodes in the podcast that really got me, and the image of Naomi running between those open graves is still striking. I feel terrible for Evan and am so curious about his fate. I’d love to hear more about their relationship, anything that might have happened to Naomi post-Eyepocalypse, or an AU where Naomi rescues Evan from the Lonely or vice versa.

Gerard Keay/Tim Stoker

These two have never met on-air, but I think they’d really get along. They’re both quick, driven, given to quips and reasoned action, and possessed of tragic backstories. Whether they meet somehow pre-canon, Tim finds Gerry’s book in the time between Jon’s return from America and the Unknowing, or there’s a full AU scenario, I would love to see them interact. I think there could be some interesting tension around Gerry’s decision to consciously align himself with the Eye versus Tim’s unwilling conscription, and the ways their family histories have forced them into contact with the supernatural.

Harriet Fairchild & Simon Fairchild

Harriet Fairchild is a one-episode background character with barely a handful of third-hand lines, but I’m very intrigued by her. Simon is a sparkling example of Affable Evil and I would enjoy reading more about his philosophy and relationships with others. I’m interested in the family dynasties connected to the entities and just kind of want to know more.

What are the Fairchilds, and how do they create new family members? Who was Harriet before she became a Fairchild? How does she conceive of the Vast, and what is her attraction to it (or aversion-turned-attraction)? Who is Simon to her -- teacher, tormentor-turned-teacher, evil father figure -- and how do they agree and diverge on how best to serve their patron? I really love explorations of avatars’ different relationships with their respective entities, so I would adore something about that. 

Some things that particularly compel me about the Vast: the image and name of the Falling Titan, freedom in nihilism, the comfort of insignificance, call of the void, oceans / storms / cliffs, space, scales of size so large they’re not humanly comprehensible, love for the sky, adrenaline and excitement, hollowness / emptiness, unusual manifestations, alliances and rivalries with other powers.

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PLANESCAPE: TORMENT

Requested Ships: Annah-of-the-Shadows & Fall-from-Grace, Annah-of-the-Shadows/Fall-from-Grace, Morte & The Nameless One, Morte/The Nameless One

I completed this game for the first time in fall 2020 and enjoyed the hell out of it. I’ve only played through twice, and I haven’t explored all the routes or possible encounters; please excuse the current gaps and mistakes in my canon knowledge!

Annah-of-the-Shadows & Fall-from-Grace | Annah-of-the-Shadows/Fall-from-Grace

I fell for Annah because of her voice acting (the affectionate wryness! the ill-concealed vulnerability!), and Grace because I love older female characters whose stoic or gracious exteriors conceal fortresses of discipline. While I’m not in love with the way women are written in Planescape: Torment, I really like both these specific characters and crave more interactions between them. Their relationship has a great deal of tension with no real resolution, and they have an interesting mix of similarities and contrasts. I think there are some fascinating possibilities to explore with them, whether platonically or romantically. 

Annah mistrusts and is jealous of Grace. Meanwhile, Grace seems disappointed when Annah rejects her friendly overtures, and repeatedly shows protectiveness towards her. (What does Grace see in Annah, besides a romantic rival or just a younger woman who doesn’t like her? If they had met earlier, how would Grace have tried to cultivate her?) Annah is hotheaded and ruled by emotion, while Grace keeps her arguably more tumultuous feelings under rigid control. Then Annah’s implied discomfort with her heritage as a tiefling, and Grace’s turmoil over her identity and past trauma as a tanar’ri, are another potentially exploitable source of conflict. 

I’d love something about a bonding attempt on Grace’s part gone awry -- does it get criminal? Unexpectedly dangerous? Uncomfortably sexy? An exploration of how they deal with things post-ending (any ending), or just everyday interactions with the citizens and environment of Sigil, would also be awesome. Hurt/comfort, too -- maybe something where Annah is trying to be stoic while Grace heals her, or a situation where Annah has to take care of Grace and is super out of her element? Or maybe Annah gets mazed somehow, and is shocked when Grace shows up to rescue her? These are all merely suggestions though. 

Morte & The Nameless One | Morte/The Nameless One

One of the most complicated relationships in the game, and also (in my opinion) the most intriguing. I’m really interested in Morte’s loyalty to the Nameless One and the way his guilt intersects with and fuels it. They have such a long, twisted history, and the player’s decisions can put so many different spins on it. I’d really love anything about them, shippy or gen. (I would prefer that the focus be kept off their romantic/sexual relationships with women or aspirations toward the same, particularly the sexually harassing comments.)

I’m a massive, massive sucker for comic relief characters encountering serious/dark situations, so I would love anything with Morte in that vein, whether it’s one of his canonical moments of peril (getting stolen by Lothar! potentially being traded to the Pillar of Skulls!) or a new situation. A past incarnation of the Nameless One could also provide the peril. Their relationship has gone through near infinite iterations -- there’s so much to exploit there, and so much opportunity for angst on Morte’s part (and pining, if you want to go in a shippy direction). 

Further prompts… Hmm. I’d love something that explores the world of Planescape in general and Sigil in particular; I’m particularly fond of the mortuary, the catacombs, and UnderSigil. It’d also be cool to see their first meeting after the “best” ending of the game (where the Nameless One finally dies and goes off to join the Blood War). On the whole, though, anything where these two are together and bantering would be lovely!

-

STELLAR FIRMA

Requested Ships: David 7/Trexel Geistman, Trexel Geistman/Hartro Piltz, Number 1/Number 48, David 7 & Trexel Geistman & Hartro Piltz, David 7/Trexel Geistman/Hartro Piltz

It’s difficult to express how much I love this podcast, but rest assured I really, really do. It has been described as a cross between Brazil and The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, and this strikes me as accurate. I love how the tone is at once exuberantly silly, but also dark and horrifying, in a way that doesn’t try to hammer listeners over the head with its irony. It would be hard not to delight me with any fic about the requested gen relationship and ships.

David 7/Trexel Geistman

I didn’t actually ship these two until I wrote 10k+ words of them talking. Then Season 3 came along, and, well, I LOVE THEM. They’re so fun together, and I love the gradual development of their not-quite-friendship -- those few, short moments of genuine connection, that contrast all the more with Trexel’s everyday self-absorbed cruelty and the oppressive horror of David’s situation.

The potential for jealousy and unrequited pining on Trexel’s part here is particularly delicious. (I would be totally cool with unrequited Trexel->David for this request, by the way.) However, I also love the idea of David realizing, with creeping horror, that he has feelings for Trexel, or that he returns Trexel’s no doubt inconvenient and poorly expressed affections. Imagine the songs they would sing.

In terms of prompts… I really loved the in-universe coffee shop setup; something about their time there, or an AU where they get to stay longer, would be lovely. Playing with tropes could be fantastic -- soulmate/soulbond AUs, arranged marriage, bodyswap, amnesia, wingfic, time loops, fake dating, hurt/comfort, one character being assumed dead when they aren’t (and then it makes the other character realize their feelings, oh no). I’d also really love angst, centered around pining or not. I think some terribly painful things could be done with these characters, and I’d love to read them.

Trexel Geistman/Hartro Piltz

I fell hard for this ship right about when Hartro made Trexel drink clone slurry in Episode 5. I love how much fun she has terrorizing him, how he just has to take it, and how he both fears her and scrambles for her attention. (NB: I am 100% unironically into the foot thing, so feel free to do whatever you’d like with that, including nothing.)

I love what a disaster Hartro is. It’s not her fault that she was assigned to Trexel -- he could drive anyone mad -- but she lets her hatred of him goad her into making terrible decisions. At the same time, as a nonnie on FFA expressed a while ago, it seems like she gets more out of the relationship than she wants to confront or acknowledge. On Trexel’s end, Hartro seems to demonstrate the exact sort of mix of “come here” and “get away from me” that captures his attention.

Kink is baked into this ship, so I’ll try to be shameless about requesting it. I was perhaps overly gratified when Trexel was canonically stated to be a masochist (he likes getting shock-collared! and possibly stepped on!). I’d love anything that goes even further with their canon dynamic -- D/s, punishment, bondage; humiliation, degradation, the foot thing; maybe dubcon with a pre-canon Hartro taking out her frustrations on Trexel, or some sort of incredibly messed up corporate training exercise. 

Explicit kinky content is far from my only interest here, though -- I’d also love romance, a lower-rated exploration of UST, or something that examines their relationship without getting into kink or sex at all. This is one of those ships where, if you make them hold hands in a certain way, hearts will spontaneously explode in my eyes. Just a fact.

Number 1/Number 48

Standards! So sinister. What’s up with them, anyway? How did they meet and agree to file relationship paperwork together? What are their couples counseling sessions with Dr. Krell like? What were the most egregiously vague pronouncements that Number 1 made pre-canon, and what other work assignments have impacted their personal lives and forced them to cancel reservations? ...How did Number 48 get the murder hammer? 

Since these two are, I believe, the highest-ranking members of Stellar Firma to have appeared in the podcast so far, I’d love something about their interactions with other higher-up types or silly protocols or general Brazil-type bureaucratic madness. If there are ominous promises and disturbing implications packaged in crisp business jargon, all the better. 

David 7 & Trexel Geistman & Hartro Piltz | David 7/Trexel Geistman/Hartro Piltz

So, I love these characters and the way they interact. I love that they’re all dramatic and ridiculous in their own ways, and that no one is strictly the straight man or the comic relief (though Trexel does come close to the latter). 

Gen-wise, these three seeing a common goal through together would be delightful, whether it’s something small or grand-scale or completely imaginary. Something science fiction-y, or crossover with another genre like horror or film noir, could be really fun. Additionally, the episode where they all play a TTRPG is one of my favorites -- I’d love something else about them playing a game together or otherwise letting Hartro explore her passion for elaborate props and scenarios. 

Ship-wise, I’ve already talked about why I love David/Trexel and Hartro/Trexel. For David and Hartro, I like that they’re able to have a polite, semi-reasonable conversation, but I was also intrigued by the hint of antagonism in Episode 55, with the angry staring and pointed bed-sitting. I tend to read David as either gay or bi with a heavy preference for men, but I could absolutely get into some David/Hartro rather than a V relationship for this OT3. In terms of shippy prompts, I’m interested in seeing them navigate the same scenarios as in gen, but I would also love some messed up three-person corporate training exercises if you’d like to go that route.

[victorvictor00000]

FALCO/GABI AND EREN/MIKASA PARALLEL

Having recently reread the manga and after the last few chapters i have noticed a few key similarities between 2 relationships in the manga. These are the Eren-Mikasa and Gabi-Falco relationships. Going through the series, i noticed many parallels between them, which is why i decided to make this post. I am sorry if this has been done before, i didn't notice it. Also, it will be a bit long.

So, let's begin by examining who is who in these dynamics. Eren is obviously Gabi. I think i am not being really innovative suggesting that. These two have constantly been compared to each other, since chapter 91. They have similar hairstyles, they are impulsive to a fault (one could say suicidal), they are brave and the begin as two people full of hate. Gabi hates the Walldians, thinking that their existence hinders the quality of life of the "good" Eldians with her goal being to exterminate them all, just as Eren hated the titans and swore to kill them all. Here we can see them announcing their goals: 

Both of them have their hometowns attacked and destroyed and they travel to their enemie's country and see how they think and live with their own eyes, eventually deciding that the enemies they hated were regular humans, just like them.

Moving on to Mikasa and Falco, they both play the protector, lovestruck-type of role in the relationships. First of all, they were born the same day, February 10. They are both in love with the person they want to protect and they do everything in their power to accomplish that, as seen in the following examples:

 They try to stop their loved one's dream from coming true. Mikasa doesn't want Eren to join the Survey Corps, because she thinks that he will die, while Falco doesn't want Gabi to inherit the Armored Titan, because he knows that her lifespan will be greatly reduced. In that effort, they have the full support of another person. For Mikasa, that person is Carla, Eren's mom, while for Falco, it is Reiner:

  Both Eren and Gabi are also completely oblivious to Mikasa's/Falco's feelings,

   and

 In Eren's case, his obliviousness is portrayed via Marlowe, who has also been compared to Eren and doesn't get why Hitch didn't want him to go and everyone gets angry at him. Well, besides Eren, who doesn't get what happens and Mikasa just looks at him disappointed. Falco just wants Gabi to marry him and live a happy life. Mikasa is quite like him in the sense that she joined the army and the survey corps later, because of Eren. What she really wanted was to live a simple life with him.

Of course, as we know, both Eren and Gabi are hard people to stop. So, since they can't stop them from following their dreams, they decide to follow them and protect them. Mikasa only resolved to go to the military, because she wanted to be close to Eren and the same thing happened in the survey corps,

 Falco, followed Gabi when she climbed to the blimp, which was met with criticism by Gabi,

As of now, there have been quite a few scenes and situations between the 4 to simply be coincidences. For example, in chapter 112, we have Gabi trying to convince Armin and Mikasa to take Falco as a prisoner and kill her, since he did nothing wrong,

 That scene reminded me of the part where Eren defends Mikasa in his trial,

Even earlier, there are also similarities between Gabi and Falco's actions during the battle at Fort Slava and Eren and Mikasa's during the day they first met. The way Eren and Gabi tricked and killed their respective enemies is very similar, along with their protector trying to come to the rescue immediately after:

 and

The ''coincidences" and similarities continue, when in chapter 111, Nicolo tries to hit Gabi, only for Falco to put his body in her place, just as Mikasa did for Eren in chapter 50:

 I also find it really funny that Mikasa saved Gabi and Falco was motivated by Eren. Seems the trend continues even when interacting with their loved one's counterparts. Even the fake names Falco chose, Mia and Ben, resemble Mikasa's and Eren's in the first and last 2 letters respectively. Interestingly, Falco's story, that they are siblings who lost their home is also very similar to Eren's and Mikasa's. Gabi's reaction to her playing the little sister, saying "Why am i your little sister", is close to Eren's outbursts when he says "I am not your kid" to Mikasa. Also, Kaya's made up excuse for Falco's and Gabi's argument in chapter 109 "Mia is jealous that her big brother's getting stolen away from her", is kinda similar to Mikasa's jealousy of Eren's relationship with Annie at the beginning and Historia in chapter 70.

Of course, there are similarities not just between the counterparts, but between Mikasa&Gabi and Falco&Eren. For the girls, both are at the top of their class, proven fighters with immense talent and accomplished. The Eren-Falco comparison though is way more interesting. Essentially, Gabi is a talented Eren, while Falco is a non-talented Mikasa. In this case, we have two boys, weaker than the closest female to them, unable to be the protectors, leaving them to try harder in order to surpass them. With Falco, i have already established that. But with Eren? How does Eren want to be a protector? Well, answer is in the beginning of chapter 50,

 The reason Eren was able to motivate Falco, is because of his mom back then. That's why his words resonated to Falco. He knows how it is to feel powerless to protect people he cares about. The funny thing about the dynamic between Eren and Mikasa is that they are really similar as characters. They both get saddened and frustrated by the fact that they want to protect each other, but they always feel powerless. Of course, for Eren it's a little more complex than that. Besides wanting to protect, he also wants to advance. To fight until the end. He is similar to Gabi, in that she also wants to fight till the end, until her perceived enemies are defeated.

But, here lies the biggest difference between the two. Gabi's goal, is for all the good Eldians to be eventually free from their oppression. To do that, she wants to defeat the demons of Paradise. She is brainwashed. Her mind is fragile and her willpower, while great, pales in comparison to her male counterparts. Coming to Eren, it is impossible to brainwash him. No amount of propaganda would have had any effect on him. His willpower is off the charts. Which is why he is more dangerous than Gabi. He knows he walks down a path with no turning back, but he keeps going. Gabi can't do that. Notice how guilty she feels in the latest chapter, when she understands that the Walldians are people and how she trusts Nile to deliver Falco:

 Now, notice Eren:

  and

 Eren and Gabi both understand. They know that there are good people in both sides, people who don't deserve death and who have led good, decent lives, without hurting anyone. Unlike Gabi, Eren keeps going. He accepts his role as the devil and he steels his resolve to kill them all. Throwing away his humanity, to protect the ones he cares about the most and achieve his dream of freedom. Just like Erwin. And, as we all know, Erwin eventually gave up.

Back to the dynamic of the two relationships. In one of the most recent chapter Falco confessed to Gabi how he feels about her, in a moment that had them both blushing and resembled a lot the moment where Eren spoke to the 104th about how much he cares about them:

 and 

 We have seen by now that Mikasa and Falco only ever blush when it comes down to Eren and Gabi. Interestingly, both Mikasa and Gabi have been questioned about the nature of the relationship they have with Eren and Falco respectively:

  It's also really funny, when you think about it that way. Falco, a kid, is more honest about his feelings than Mikasa who is an adult now.

 Even back then, Mikasa was not honest with herself and how she felt. Notice how she pauses, before saying family.

Before the rereads, i thought i was seeing things. But after careful observation, i found way too many similarities for this to be random. Especially considering that this is Isayama we are talking about. It's no coincidence that the relationships that get the biggest focus in the last arc of the manga are these two. The whole thing about the scarf and armband tossing symbolism in the same chapter, the "why does he say he hates me?",

 "i like you", again in the same chapter have not been put there by mistake. It’s important to note Mikasa pony tail in 108 when Eren says that he cares about them and Gabi ponytail 118 when Falco confessed. That was the only scene we saw Mikasa with ponytail and after that it was cut off for no reason.

 I don't know how all those will come into play in the chapters to come, but they are sure to be important.

[mobius-prime]

222. Sonic the Hedgehog #154

Songoose (Part 2 of 2)

Writer: Karl Bollers Pencils: Ron Lim Colors: Jason Jensen

Today's issue is a bit bittersweet. While Karl Bollers hasn't always been the most popular writer, and I've definitely had my fair share of problems with certain aspects of his writing, it's hard to deny the heavy impact he had on the world of the comic. And this just so happens to be his last issue as a writer! That's right, though we've seen various writers come and go, this is the first time we're truly saying goodbye to a head writer. (You might be wondering about Michael Gallagher given his increasingly infrequent involvement with the series, but fear not, he's still got a few more future issues left in 'im.) Apparently he actually had quite a few plans for the storyline and characters post-StH#134, which was a while ago, but for one reason or another these never came to fruition, and never even had a chance to be salvaged for future issues by other writers due to his leaving the comic. So let's dedicate this issue to ol' Karl and the hard work he put into this comic, and appreciate what he brought to the table over the years. Onward!

It's the night of Mina's second concert, and the various Freedom Fighters are positioned at strategic points around and behind the stage and crowd to guard the venue from any more assassination attempts. Mina is pleased with Sonic's involvement in her protection detail, but Ash is considerably less so, and asks to speak to Mina privately before her performance. Sonic initially tries to refuse to leave her side given his duty to her, but when Ash gets in his face about it Mina steps in and tells Sonic she'll be okay to have a quick chat. Sonic reluctantly leaves the dressing room, and Ash confronts Mina about her decision to go through with tonight's concert, as he really feels it's too dangerous. She reiterates her feeling of security with Sonic around, and Ash's feelings of jealousy finally spill out as he details Sonic's perceived failings, including how he (totally unintentionally mind you) broke her heart a year ago by kissing Sally in front of her. He paradoxically refuses to "forgive" Sonic for… not dating Mina, I guess? Which you'd think he'd be pleased about considering that's the only reason he ever got to date her, but she stands firm against his tirade.

Really bad timing on this, Ash. Honestly, though, as abrasive and jealous as Ash can be, he's not wrong at all about his accusations, and in my opinion has every right to feel slighted and upset. He really does seem like a guy who's flawed yet genuinely likable - I mean, put yourself in his shoes (assuming you're not down for open relationships) and tell me you wouldn't feel the exact same way upon seeing your girlfriend routinely eyeing up another guy. Plus, he isn't flaky - notice that despite breaking up with Mina, he explicitly states his intentions to remain as her band manager. A lesser person might have left their ex high and dry out of spite, but despite their disagreement he's still completely ready and willing to help her organize everything she needs to remain a pop star. Careful, Mina, you better remember "Aly's" advice to you from a few issues ago before you let this guy slip through your fingers…

Outside the room, Sonic gets a call from Sally looking for an update, and when he lets slip that he let her stay in her dressing room alone Sally scolds him for not sticking to her like glue, ordering him back into the room to check on her. When he enters he's surprised to see her sitting alone with a sad expression, asking her what's bothering her. You'd think he'd have some clue of what was wrong considering he would have just seen Ash angrily stomping right through the very door he was guarding, but Mina just says she doesn't know how to explain, which Sonic quietly agrees with the sentiment of. She's able to collect herself for her performance, though, and begins by singing another song that definitely feels inspired by her crush on Sonic. However, Eggman's plan to kill her is still moving ahead, and he sends out Heavy and Bomb (well, Bombs, there's a lot of them) to infiltrate the concert crowd once the concert is well underway.

Sonic immediately grabs Mina and pulls her away from the edge of the stage while the rest of the Freedom Fighters rush in to battle the Bombs, something which I find funnier than it should be considering they're, well, bombs, and the best plan for dealing with bombs on legs would usually be to run the hell away from them before they blow up. Nevertheless, they seem to be holding their own by throwing or smacking the Bombs away before they explode, though Ash finds an excuse in the situation to insist once more than Sonic leave so he can protect Mina on his own, even somewhat spitefully pointing out that Mina was fine without Sonic for an entire year before now. Sonic initially refuses, but when Heavy himself arrives, crashing down onto the stage to target Mina directly, Sonic concedes and tells Ash to take her somewhere safe while he fights the robot one on one. At first Sonic teases and trash talks as normal, but when Heavy gives him more trouble than he bargained for he concocts a plan to drill into the earth and bait Heavy into following him, then drill straight into the nearby lake from below. This washes them both out into the open waters, disabling Heavy in the process. I'm not sure exactly how this plan even works, considering we've seen in previous issues that Heavy is waterproof - I mean, did Eggman take out that feature when he rebuilt him? - but either way, it does work, though Sonic falls unconscious once he gets washed out. Man, between his first battle against M in StH#132 and his easy escape from a watery grave in Anti-Mobius just a few issues ago, it really seems like later comic issues like to play fast and loose with the whole "he can't swim" character trait. Sometimes he can detangle himself from tight rope bonds and swim to safety without a problem, and other times he blacks out within scant seconds of touching water, and you never know which one you're gonna get till the plot calls for it. Of course, he's fine after waking up on shore, having been rescued by Bunnie, and the Freedom Fighters tell him that as far as they can tell they disabled or destroyed every Bomb in the area, meaning Mina is safe once more. With the threat ended, Sonic and Mina say goodbye to each other for the night, with Sonic making Mina promise they'll go out for chili dogs sometime soon. However, this wouldn't be a story if something didn't go wrong…

I like to think that this isn't even a case of the Freedom Fighters randomly missing a Bomb, rather being part of Eggman's plan - send in the big, obvious cavalry first to be fought and predictably defeated, then send in one last little Bomb to finish the job once everyone's guard is down. The explosion alerts everyone outside the backstage area, and they rush in to find Mina sobbing over Ash's body. Don't worry, though - when they rush him to the hospital Dr. Quack is able to get him in a stable condition, meaning that though he has a long slow recovery ahead he'll ultimately be fine. Sonic escorts a distraught Mina into Ash's room, where she admits her true feelings to his sleeping form.

I'm surprised that Sonic genuinely seems a little disappointed at their reconciliation, but then again, he and Mina were clearly shown to have some chemistry even before the time skip, though Sonic was obviously drawn more to Sally. It seems that with he and Sally currently being on the outs, and Mina having split from Ash, he had actually considered taking the chance with her - I mean, they did agree to a chili dog date after all - but now that's obviously not happening. Well, maybe the chili dog date is, but not Sonic and Mina becoming an item. What I'm trying to say is, this page has just sunk your Sonic/Mina ship. Fortunately, with this second failure Eggman has decided that trying to kill Mina is too hard and not worth his time, so she should be safe for now. He still finds himself lamenting the loss of his robotic body, however (something that you'd think should be child's play for him to fix considering previously roboticizing himself is literally part of his backstory), finding his current organic body too breakable. The use of that word suddenly makes him pause, having just come up with a new idea… but Karl certainly won't be the one writing about it, as with that final line of dialogue, he's officially completed his time as head writer for the Archie Sonic comics! Sayonara, Karl Bollers - though there were certainly some rough patches, on the whole I enjoyed your work on the comic, and we'll miss ya!

More Than Meets the Eye

Writer/Pencils: Ken Penders Colors: Josh Ray

…though remember, we are still dealing with Penders for a few more issues yet. Since the mission into Megaopolis a couple issues ago, Rotor, Uncle Chuck, Tommy, Tails, and Snively (plus apparently Fiona, for some reason) have all been hard at work studying and trying to understand the nanites. They try blasting them with a ton of electricity, but when that elicits no response from the nanites Tommy worriedly thinks Snively killed them with the zap, though Snively corrects him that biologically speaking, they're not really "alive," nor is anything that Eggman makes. While you may be technically correct from a scientific standpoint, Snively, I think Nicole might have a thing or two to say about your assertion that machines can't be alive…

Well! It seems Tommy was also unconvinced by Snively's words, and his tear splashing down into the nanite goo triggers some kind of reaction, prompting them to rapidly spread out and reach tendrils of themselves towards him. He's understandably a little freaked out and retreats into his shell, but the nanites don't hurt him as they make contact with the shell - in fact, the sensation is ticklish and causes him to start giggling uncontrollably, which must make for a very weird sight as Uncle Chuck reenters the room to investigate the noise. Tommy assures him that he's all right - and then from out of nowhere, his shell sprouts a pair of goddamn wings, because why the hell not?

I initially took issue with this concept due to it being established canon that the nanites can only absorb and reshape non-living matter, whereas turtle shells are definitely living matter, being full of nerve endings and basically being formed from repurposed bone matter from the turtle's ribs and pelvis. However, the above dialogue seems to indicate that they were able to fuse with Tommy's shell anyway by connecting straight into his nervous system. I would guess that after Sonic introduced the nanites to the concept of organic and synthetic coexistence a couple issues ago, they were just waiting for the chance to "study" an organic specimen in their own weird way, and Tommy just happened to end up as their test subject.  Chuck and Tommy call everyone else in, where he notes that the nanites seem to react to his thoughts without said thoughts actually controlling the nanites directly. He demonstrates this by thinking vaguely that he wants to go somewhere, prompting a pair of jetpack engines to sprout from his shell and ignite, carrying him straight out of the lab and into the sky above Knothole. The others watch with an odd mixture of bemusement and amusement as the nanites fly Tommy's body in a pattern, using contrails to write "We're just going for a test drive" in the air. Well Tommy, looks like you have a really cool and unique new ability! It'd certainly be interesting to be fused with self-replicating nanomachines that react to your thoughts and wishes by morphing themselves in ways to grant those wishes, especially when they seem to actively like their host.

[bearingwater]

Aquarius Sun, Scorpio Moon: An Enticing Personality

Tenacious and persistent, the Aquarius Sun Scorpio Moon personality can sometimes be a little too hurried and straight forward for their own good.

Aquarius Sun Scorpio Moon people are individualistic creatures who think being themselves is the most important thing in life. They don’t care about rules, conventions or other people’s opinions about them.

Never tired and rebellious, these natives will enjoy life as it comes to them. And they will do many things in the name of breaking the conventional. Even their marriage will be bumpy and unusual in the eyes of many.

Aquarius Sun Scorpio Moon combination in a nutshell:

Positives: Firm, sensual, and persistent.

Negatives: Dogmatic, indecisive, and misguided.

Perfect partner: Someone who takes pride in their appearance.

Advice: Relax more to avoid adverse health effects.

If they will realize they need to continuously become better, they will find their personal key for unlocking success. There will be many “deaths” and rebirths from their own ashes. And they will impact the humanity in a great way.

Personality traits

Aquarius Sun Scorpio Moon natives are appealing individuals who live by their own rules. They are independent, original like all Aquarians, and emotionally intense and determined like all the Scorpios.

People will respect them because they are respecting themselves and because their attitude demands it. Strong and well-intentioned, they will focus their energy on doing something constructive.

If only they would keep their emotions in control. They are good leaders, but they can insist too much on getting their own way. No one can tell them what to do or how to do it.

They will be great working with people because they are never asking for something they couldn’t do themselves. It wouldn’t matter how many mistakes they have made, the responsibility will be entirely theirs.

These natives rarely listen anyway but their pride can also destroy them. And it’s very present in this combination of the Aquarius and the Scorpio.

People who will meet these natives will feel like they have encountered the most forceful and resilient person. And they will also be charmed because these natives can be very alluring.

They will either impress or leave others with a bitter taste. There’s no middle ground with them. As a matter of fact, extremism characterizes them best. They are dutiful and creative, especially the ones of them who are the most evolved. Their Moon will make them stronger, more inspiring and also high-spirited.

All this, coupled with their innovative mind, can turn them into great scientists, sociologists or politicians. But they need to be practical before anything else.

While they want to be comfortable and acknowledged more than anything else, it’s possible they will lose their perspective that drives them towards their goals and become very mean and egoistical.

The Aquarius Sun Scorpio Moon individuals are usually open to new experiences and tolerant, but their Moon can influence them to have prejudices and to believe only in a few ideas. Many of them will be very wild.

Some will have such determination and ambition that will force their own will upon others. They have the tendency to be harsh and hurried anyway. If someone else would as well push them to do something, they would become even more agitated.

Their intense ways and their conviction that they need to achieve will make them succeed while on the move. Their health could suffer tremendously if they wouldn’t learn how to relax. Going in nature would be a great idea for them to unwind.

It’s also suggested they stop taking themselves so seriously. Laughing at oneself can be more helpful than just sticking to a plan. It’s true they aren’t superficial, but this doesn’t mean extreme seriousness is the way to go.

The fact that they are tenacious and persistent would be more than enough for their success without having to keep a frowny face. Their stubbornness will never bring them anything good. But their needs are many and their determination to get things done is strong.

Scorpios are more egoistic and witty, Aquariuses are all about serving others and making the world a better place. This means their natives will not know what to do: either to make others happy or work for their own ambitions.

Most of them will make efforts for their own satisfaction and feel guilty for it. Just like all the Moon Scorpios, they will rise from their own ashes after a defeat.

When others won’t agree with their dreams, they’ll become irritated and perplexed. After all, their signs are both fixed and that means they can’t understand people who don’t think like them. And when they don’t understand things, they can grow to be angry. Being more tolerant and easygoing is essential for these people’s development.

Being rigid and believing they are real saints won’t help anyone. Luckily, they are among the few capable of renewal.

Freedom seeking

True rebels at heart, the Aquarius Sun Scorpio Moon natives believe in freedom and being as detached as possible. But the fact that they’re fixed means they don’t make any turn on the road they have chosen in life. That’s why they are loyal partners.

The secret is to find someone who understands the fact they’ll never be too emotional and intimate. These natives need space to be themselves. They will commit, but not in the traditional way.

Because they keep a distance between themselves and their partner doesn’t mean they don’t love. They just prefer to stay behind the scenes and observe things from far away.

And this only means they can be the best friends. Which is important for a healthy relationship. They could break up with someone just because they feel like they are tied down.

Moon Scorpios want deepness and hate superficiality. Their partner should completely merge with them. That’s how they feel they can appreciate and be appreciated.

People who don’t want to give themselves completely and to express their emotionality shouldn’t be around these Moons for they like courageous lovers who are ready to devote themselves. Possessive, they treat love seriously and need someone who can understand they are sometimes jealous.

The Aquarius Sun Scorpio Moon man

The Aquarius Sun Scorpio Moon man can sometimes be negative and not perceive reality as it is. He doesn’t learn and likes to live spontaneously.

You’ll never see him planning things ahead. Not to mention no one can change him because he’s very happy with whom he is all the time.

People will respect him because he commands it. This, coupled with the fact that he’s smart, will help him be a good leader and rule over very large groups.

He’s harsh to make decisions and doesn’t mind laughing at himself when he makes a mistake. Not that he will laugh so everyone hears him, but he will surely crack a smile.

Always looking to be in control, this guy will simply destroy the person who doesn’t take him seriously. He can be very dangerous when angry.

His secret passion is an interest for the occult. It’s very possible he will look for all kind of healing practices in methods of witchcraft.

And he can have some pains as his reproductive area is one of his most sensitive ones, plus he’s an extremist when it comes to intercourse.

He will probably suffer from hypertension as well for he can’t let go of grudges when he has them. This guy can take a grudge with him to the grave.

Guided by this Sun Moon combination he will keep his life private and will have many secrets. There will be things about him he will not share. And he would be right not to because he can enrage people with his past actions.

The Aquarius Sun Scorpio Moon woman

Keep in mind that the Aquarius Sun Scorpio Moon woman is under the influence of two fixed signs, one governed by the planet of new beginnings, the other by the planet of change. Her Sun is a humanitarian, her Moon secretive and intense.

She will probably have a midlife little crisis when she will change her lifestyle and her career, at about 41 years old. But she will remain the same bold and ambitious lady.

The fact that she lives intensely can cause her to suffer from nervous diseases and hypertension. Circulatory and emotional problems are not out of the question either. She can’t sit still and relax for a moment in her life. This is definitely not the woman for a man who wants his lady to never have an opinion and to only cook and take care of the home.

This girl talks politics and takes part in social movements. But she can live for a very long time in an unhappy marriage because she would be too busy working anyway.

But even then, she will still protect her husband with every bone in her body, especially when someone would try to do him wrong.

Her energy may make her seem like she’s fierce, but she’s in fact a little bit gentler than what she allows to be seen.

Her friends will be many and her colleagues will adore her for being funny. As a mother, she will take care of her own needs first, without feeling embarrassed about this.

If you want her attention, it would be enough to flatter her. And the more a man wants her, the more he’ll have to pay attention to her wishes. Praising her would help tremendously.

[bi-lullaby]

No one asked

And I should be studying, but here are some thoughts for season 16 so far:

(SPOILER WARNING, OBVIOUSLY)

1 - Merluca and it’s parts: COUPLES FIGHT STOP PREDICTING THE WORST OK. They’ve been completely adorable so far, but this is what someone said in a interview: “This is the after in happy ever after” (or something to that effect). They’re gonna fight and them they’re gonna make up, I hope. As for their fight: They were both in the right imo. Yes, Meredith is being inconsequent and it must be so frustrating for Deluca to A)Have her continue risking her career and license and freedom when he went to such lengths to help that, B) Be crapped on constantly bc of something your girlfriend did. Yes, Meredith is completely right in fighting the system that is so throughtly broken, and yes, coming to apologize to her mentor and longtime friend was completely the right thing to do. I wanna see merluca wedding and marriage! Maybe (since there are two pregnant people in this season already?) next season will be Mer and Jo? One can dream! For them individually: Poor Mer, she has bitten more than she can chew but she is ready to take on this fight! Imma love to see her as auntie mer! I mis merjolex so much tho, I know she’s been busy and all but they seem to forget she is a important part in their support system. Andrew has been all over the place. I love his confidence, but in the ep where he literally screamed at Bailey over her trying to teach an intern? And called her out bc she was using a different material than Mer? I was a bit off-thrown. But he’s still a great character I enjoy watching. Hope they find the balance between confidence and arrogance for him, and develop him even more!

2 - Amelink: AAAAAA. They’re so amazing and perfect and sweet and I wanna hug them both. Link is everything you could wish for, Amy is adorable as ever. If they lay a finger on either them as a couple, them as individuals, or their baby, imma kick some asses. I don’t think they will tho, Amy is been through SO MUCH already and she deserves a breath.

3 - Bailey: OMG SHE IS PREGNANT AAAAAAAA. I’m so happy! Ben is already a great dad, this will be so fun to watch! Hope they don’t put her through the ringer with a difficult pregnancy or a sick child, she does not deserve this! She already nearly lost her first child while giving birth in a bomb-y hospital while her husband had brain surgery NEXT to the bomb. Enough pregnancy drama for a lifetime. As for her actions: I’ve said before: I’m pissed, yes. She’s acting way too harsh and taking it out on people and more importantly (as I’ve touched on in my female grey’s characters ranking post) she’s out of character. Where is the Bailey that went around the hospital runnning after the attendings and kicking their asses into signing her proposal for a free clinic? And gave them a speech on how they had failed her and she needed something to believe in in medicine? She was one of the first characters to point out how broken the system was, to take direct action to try and fix it. Sure, she likes to try and work within the rules as much as possible, much she is not adverse to breaking a few of them if she thinks it’s necessary (hello deactivated HIV inside a young boy’s body without parental consent! Hello changing the date on a surgery which is also insurance fraud!)! If she thinks it’ll save a life! But also, she’s not completely wrong: Meredith did commit a crime, as good as her intentions were; As her boss, firing her was the only logical decision. She thought her hospital (which she dedicated a good half of her life to) was being attacked by someone she trained into the surgeon she is, ofc she’d be mad as all hell. Quadri was disrespectful, not doing her job well, actively getting in the way of her superior doing her job, screaming at her boss in the middle of the hallway about how she didn’t want to work there - firing her was a tad extreme (specially for a charact who has never, herself, had any qualms ahout mouthing off to her own superiors when she didn’t think something was right) but not completely out of nowhere. I hate hate hate how they’ll probs throw a “oh she was being crazy bc pregnancy hormones!” line after seeing how her actions have been badly perceived by people (like there isn’t enough a stereotype that women can’t have positions of power because hormones make them crazy) instead of “hey this character was put in extremely uncomfortable and tough positiona after extremely uncomfortable and tough positions and came off as harsher than necessary while trying to balance a world-class hospital crisis”. Ugh.

4 - Jackson: Ok so the last few eps have rekindled my love for him and I’m relieved! There’s the good, kind, funny and smart guy I like! I was mad bc of the whole Jaggie drama, but hey, shit happens! If they will be better apart, then I’m happy! (Ok 50% of this is because of what he said to levi! Stanning Meredith Grey + dorky Harry Potter reference? Yes!!!!). I hope this season will be kind on him, that he and Vicky work out well (from what I gathered about it, she has also been through a lot) and that we see more Harriet!

5 - Maggie: Baby girl. I love that they’re consistent that she has a jealous streak but is also a very good person who is always trying her best. Plus, official womb secret bearer is the best title omg! Maybe she should change from cardio to obgyn, lol! Plus, the sisters are everything to me! She instantaneous knew Amy was mad! She stood up for Mer! Aaaaa I love them!!!! Hope this show ends with all three of them happy and loved and badass as always!

6 - Others: Tom has been an.... Interesting piece. I love him, but his antics are almost caricature-esque now and it’s getting on my nerves. He was detestable in exploitating that family’s pain but also, the hospital did need a pr boost or it’d be in even hotter waters! The restraining order on Owen was a tad much bc it got in the way of patient care, but also he did get electrocuted in a very sensitive area by someone who had just gotten together with his ex - I’d be a little suspicious that it was 100% unintentional tbh. He’s power drunk and needs to be turned down a notch. Schmit and Nico and adorkable as always and I loved Nico’s speech about demanding more of himself - That’s one of the biggest traps of low self-steem and Imm glad it’s mentioned. I’ll miss Quadri. Helm being a MeredithGrey stan first and person second is still me lol. I loved how this last ep showed how much of a family they are - all the connections and shared pasts and references to relationships and what not. The “bird” storyline was so cute! Pac North seems so promissing and I’ll cry ugly tears when my baby Alex turns that ish around and shows everyone who’s boss!!!! The whole “the world is broken” theme of the season is my jam! Sadly, irl that handful of people are not gonna turn it around, but I want to see it happen on my screen! The medical system being fixed! As a future doctor (I promissed myself I’d not be the person who brings it up in every opportunity but lol here I am) it’d make me so happy! Against my better judgment, I’m liking Towen! They are trying, they’re really trying! Owen has done nothing wrong so far (besides offering to milk teddy which was just dumb, not malicious) and has been great at stepping down from his job so she could work! And him at Pac North will be great tbh - as much as I didlike him, he is an excellent doctor and strategist and he was a great chief at GS (until the last bit which was just gross negligence). From the promo for next ep: I don’t think they’ll make Webber cheat again. It’d be predictable and cheap and I’d be so mad that we’d have another round of acting like he’s a saint with a tiny issue of being a cheater. What I theorize is: He’ll have lunch with his friend, and either A) She’ll be friendly at the wrong time and Catherine will walk in and then think he’s cheating and it’ll be a mess, or B) Gemma is gonna try to get him back to drinking (Or maybe C) She was telling him to stop being bullheaded and fighting with his wife when life is so short). Cristina reference in the text omg, my heart!

Sorry for the long rant!

[playerlilith]

°✧｡ [JAMEELA JAMIL, CIS FEMALE, SHE/HER] IT’S BEEN TWO YEARS SINCE LILITH JOINED VELIA FROM LONDON, ENGLAND. APPARENTLY THEIR NAME IS AVALINE DHANVI AND THEY’RE A MAGE. THEY HAVE BEEN FIGHTING AS A CATALYST MEMBER FOR A WHILE NOW. DIDN’T PEOPLE SAY THEY WERE A BETA TESTER? I HEARD THEY TURNED THIRTY-ONE THIS YEAR. LET’S HOPE THEY MAKE IT OUT ALIVE.

Hello lovelies! I’m Rai and I’m super excited to bring this beautiful human being that is Jameela/Ava to your dash! Up for any and all plots/connections, just message me <3. 

Name: Avaline “Ava” Dhanvi Username: Lilith Class: Mage Cursor: Green Guild: Catalyst Guild Position: Recruiter Profession: Tavern owner of the Belladonna Level: 58 Mount: A purebred Andalusian stallion named Maximus Pet: A sweet Turkish Angora cat named Duchess Skills: Communication, charisma, listening, and luck

Biography

She should have been known for her beauty, her cleverness, her talent. She should have had the world eating out of the palms of her hand. Instead, Ava has been defined by one thing and one thing only - the circumstances of her birth.

Her father, a wealthy, successful businessman, had no use or care for an illegitimate child. Out of pity, he allowed her and her mother to live on one of his many properties. He paid for her living expenses and education, bought her the requisite extravagant gift on special occasions - but she only ever knew him through the practiced smile of his secretaries and type-written dedications on she found tied to her expertly-wrapped presents.

Despite his clear disinterest in them both, Ava’s mother had become obsessed with earning her father’s good favour and would constantly push Ava to her limits. Every inch of her was primped, plucked, and groomed, transforming her into the epitome of a classy, well-bred, and accomplished young woman. She should have been the pride of any parent.

(A validation she never, ever received.)

By sheer will alone, Ava has carved out a future for herself - snagged a husband with a considerable fortune, clawed her way into society’s graces. She became everything and more, from generous philanthropist to fabulous hostess, dedicated wife and trustworthy confidante. Not one whisper of scandal was associated with her name - an accomplishment in itself, given her precarious status.

That is, until her husband’s 30th birthday, a celebration that should have been without compare - had she not decided to once again invite her father. After years and years of snubbed invitations to every event imaginable, she thought this one would just be another unanswered letter. That is, until he walked through those great double doors, the image of the man she sought to please with every breath in her body.

She shouldn’t have gone up to him so cavalierly, so casually, as if she had already earned his approval - and the resounding rejection she received, that single, public dismissal shattered something essential in her, the fragile hope she nurtured quietly since she was a little girl.

Since then, Ava found an escape in the virtual world. Through the connections of her husband, she was able to try the game earlier than others, and she found the freedom, the anonymity absolutely intoxicating. She was no fighter, but the other aspects of the game drew her in like a moth to a flame. She would spend hours upon hours logged in, revelling in the chance to leave the real world behind.

Then, that fateful day. Doomsday, to many. A part of her felt trapped, helpless - questioning if she had the ability to survive in the game. But if there was one thing Ava had learned all these years, it was how to put on a (false) winning smile and soldier on.

Let’s hope she makes it out alive.

Username

Ava was inspired by the legend of Lilith from Jewish mythology. Though there are varied accounts regarding her origins (from the mother of demons, to the original succubus), Ava was particularly enchanted with the tale of her as Adam’s first wife, born from the same earth from which he came. Unlike Eve, who was considered subservient to Adam because she was born from his rib, Lilith refused to lie beneath her husband. She was able to maintain her autonomy despite his advances and flee from the Garden of Eden. Unfortunately, in punishment for her actions, she loses her ability to bear children. 

All her life, Ava has been controlled by the expectations of others - her parents, society, even those of her husband and his family. To act not in accordance to their wishes is her greatest dream - but also her greatest fear. The username “Lilith” represents her desire to step out on her own, to decide everything on her own terms, to hell with the consequences. 

Personality

Outwardly, Ava projects a persona of poise, charm, and effervesce. Some may perceive her as vapid, superfluous - which she dismisses as pure envy, plain and simple.

What people don’t always see is her keen powers of observation, her skills in manipulation - the cunning, clever mind she quietly sets to work. Ava enjoys her job as a recruiter for Catalyst, which allows her to meet a variety of people in the game but maintain a close network of companions (she was always careful with using the word ‘friends’.)

Though she may seem easy to befriend, Ava tends to hold people at an arm’s length, rarely revealing her true thoughts, her trust a gift that is always hard-won.

Wanted Connections/Plots

Half-sibling (any gender). The legitimate child of her father, the one who received everything she wanted and more. One of the few people she was truly jealous of; the single person who breaks her composure every time they meet.

Romantic interest (any gender). Though technically Ava is still married, all she enjoyed with her husband was a civil relationship, nothing more. He was never cruel, but he still expected her to act accordingly to his image of a dutiful wife - a role she played perfectly, though chafed under. Love, till now a foreign concept to her, would be nothing more than a means to an end - or so she thought.

Best friend (any gender). Ava may have called less than a handful of people true friends in her real life, as it was difficult to discern who’s intentions were pure when it came to her wealth and social position. However, once she gives her loyalty, she gives it without qualm or reserve. She would spoil her best friend to death, and wouldn’t hesitate to put herself on the line for them. 

Mother/child-like relationship. Ava and her husband had difficulty conceiving, though at the time she was grateful for it because she wasn’t sure she wanted to bring a child into their loveless marriage. Still, the thought of motherhood was always on the back of Ava’s mind, hence her constant visits to the many orphanages both in real life and in the game. She generally has a soft spot for the younger players she meets in the game and would mother them to pieces if they allowed it. 

[maptoourescape]

Hi 😉 I was wondering what was your take on Heidi being on tour with the guys and everything that happened since she joined them aka fans reporting she has this cold face when watching the show and the lack of interaction between her +her parents and the twins’ mother? I really loved your piece on the summercamp last year I thought you nailed it, thank you in advance and have a nice day/evening/afternoon 😊

Hey there!Oh man anon, where to begin? You’re in for a treat, because I think I’llunleash much more than what you’ve bargained for, for the simple fact that Ihaven’t really ranted out everything that I wanted on other social mediaplatforms lol. I guess I should start off by saying that my opinion on thismatter is still unaltered. If anything, the points I have made within my SummerCamp essay seem to only get more and more probable with each passing day.Whatever little hope I might have been harboring that maybe (by some miracle)I’m wrong – that she is actually nota rotten individual – just keeps disappearing with every horrendous attitudeshe decides to present next. And boy oh boy is she set out to be horrendous.Big yikes.Let’s get one thing out of the way first, (because some people still can’t grasp this concept, and Iwant to clarify it before I dwell any further): the reason why I’m bothered byKlum is not because of any pettyjealousy people claim I must be feeling towards her. I feel like it’s sounbelievably superficial and sexist to claim that – what is saidbetween the lines – I “must dislike this specific vagina, simply because I wantits rightful penis”. Literally what the fuck? I quite honestly wouldn’t touchTom with a ten foot pole (no offense to him, but I really would not). Evenentering their personal bubble for pictures makes me feel uncomfortable,because I don’t want to be perceived as one of those predators who give thewhole fandom a bad name after they dry hump them as soon as they’re in their radius,so there’s that. What I feel towards this band is just so pure, and so muchabove any petty groupie fantasy others try to project onto me, that theargument of “me being jealous” makes literal bile rise up my throat. It’s revoltingto me. Not only me, but to many other people as well – people who also don’tfit the mold of what those “higher-moral-ground-wannabees” claim they are.The reason why a shit ton of people dislike Klum is very simple: we all see thesame red flags rising when we observe her attitude. It most definitely hasnothing to do with anyone’s attraction towards Tom himself. I just cannotcomprehend this stupid narrative. Most of the fandom doesn’t consist of twelveyear old girls anymore, so give me a break (albeit I personally never thirsted after any of them at all, ever, so whatever).Some people who see that Heidi’s problematic are gay, by the way. Some peoplewho see it are happily married. Some even have children for crying out loud.Are they all jealous too, according to that narrow point of view?Noticing someone’s reappearing toxicity – especially when it is masses of very different people all noticingthe very same destructive behavioralpatterns – is simply concerning. Yeah, I know the popular counter argument is “why should you care then, youhave no ties to him?” Well of course that’s true. No, I’m not the band’simmediate family. I’m not their friend and neither do I work for them. But themen of this band have had a huge impact on my life, and their art has helped methrough so much shit over the years of my adolescence and beyond. If notanything else, it feels fair to thenat least be honest about when I think they might be getting into some deep shitthemselves. An act of reciprocated gratefulness and respect, if you will. Thekind of “you helped me, and now, even though I can’t exactly help you per sebecause we are strangers, the least I can do is to be sincere in my thoughts ofgenuine concern”. I mean, look, I said it once, and I’ll say it again: at the end of the day, marryingsomeone like Heidi is Tom’s choice to make – or well, in my opinion and forlack of a better wording, his own mistakein the making. I’m pretty much the last person in the world who can changethat, and don’t worry, I’m aware of that. And sure, at the end of the day, it’snot me who’ll have to live with her. It’s not me who’s gonna suffer the immediate consequences of it.But although it’s not going to be me ending up being potentially hurt, Tom’sproblems will, by default, extend to damage anyone who ever cared for him aswell. And we, as a whole (well, most of us), do care for this fucking band. Goddamn we do. Just like we cared whenBill had to get his surgery; just like we cared whenever any of them had a caraccident; just like we cared when Gustav got into that bar fight all those yearsago; just like we cared when we saw them being stalked and burning out in frontof our very eyes – just in the same way, we care now, because we see someonewho appears to be absolutely venomous protrude not only their personal lives, but the band as a concept as well.The very same band that was always a sort of escapism resort that EVERYONE (theband AND the fans) could always come to when everything “in the real world” wasgoing astray – now being quite literally invaded by outside forces withoutfacing any proper resistance.Honestly, at this point, I should probably stop being so surprised by whateverHeidi Klum does next. But I’m apparently too naïve, or maybe just simply toogood natured to actually expect half of the disgusting things she does. I couldhonestly keep my mouth way more shut if it was just a “behind the scenes Tomthing”. As said – it’s his mistake to make, and even though I’d still roll myeyes way into the back of my head at the lack of brain functioning he’sexemplifying on a daily basis, I’d still be able to not be this vocal about it if it were just a “Tom thing”. The problem isthough – this isn’t just a Tom thing any longer (if it ever was at all). Thefact that I’m furious and ranting about it left and right openly is because Tokio Hotel lets Tom’s girlfriend involveherself into the band’s affairs. That’s the reason I even wrote the entireSummer Camp Essay, and I see now that it was a sort of foreshadowing of graverthings to come.Can you believe it, I’m finally getting to your point lol. Now let us address thesestupidities one by one.Tokio Hotel may have started as a hobby, something that all four of them lovedto do above everything else and “just happened to turn into their job”. But atthe end of the day, a dream job is still a job. I’m pretty damn sure it isfrowned upon in any other setting or situation to just drag your “significantother” to your workplace, and let them effectivelyinterfere with your job policies. Seeing how the nature of their job is, I’mhonestly fine when it comes to family/girlfriends/friends or such visitingtheir concerts. If I would be in their shoes, I most definitely would have donethe same. Pretty sure most anyone would – who doesn’t want to share their art not only with strangers, but withpeople who are closest to them in life as well! I know I would! What I would never, though, is stoop as low as tobreak my professionalism and have my family/girlfriends/friends or such 1. SIGN MY DAMN POSTERS.Not only did she do that, she also clearly provocatively and without anyreasoning whatsoever signed the poster with hissurname and not even her own, even though she clearly keeps on signing hernormal everyday autographs with her “established” name. Anyone who has thebrain capacity to count to ten can understand that such is done for thepurposes of drama, and portrays nothing less but a toxic possessiveness of ateenage girl who needs to “mark her territory”. And such is coming from a supposedlyestablished 46 year old woman. The behavior exhibited just leaves mespeechless. And I am all the more concerned when I see people defending such occurrenceswith the adjectives of “cute,” stating furthermore that it’s “not a big deal”.How about you tell that this “isn’t a big deal” to a potential someone who wasonly on a VIP once, when this is the sort of memory they’d be left with at theend of the day?Of course some of us – a lot of us – come to the gigs more than once, andactually have a shit ton of VIP packages. But not everyone is that lucky, andnot everyone is willing or able to spend that much money on the band. It isdistressing for me to think that someone might have gotten this one opportunityto meet them, but then at the end of the day took home a poster that was signedby, quite honestly, a random person who has nothingto do with the band or their own personalexperience with the four men. It is beyond my understanding how the members canclaim to be oh-so-professional, but then let something like this slidecompletely.Half of me honesty hopes that she’s done it in secret. At least in that versionof the events, the band would have a “redeeming way out”, seeing how it wouldhave been done behind their backs. Somehow though, I kind of doubt that is thecase. And that’s what honestly gets me pressed the most. The sheer thought thatthey’d be willing to – in any way, shape or form – give a complete outsider any sort of autonomy when it comes to“band things”. And it would be even worse if they’d find such to be “funny” atthe end of the day, if we ever addressed the matter with them.See, realizing that Heidi Klum is toxic is one thing, because (newsflash) Idon’t care about Heidi Klum. It is,though, entirely something else when the guys let her maneuver her way insidethe band. Even if manipulated into it, they still most likely seem to give herthe freedom of doing almost whatever the fuck she wants, and to think of them – the people I actually do care about – to be this misguided, and this unprotective when it comes to all matters Tokio Hotel… see that’s what actually gets me going.At this point, it really feels as though Klum’s just testing her limits to seehow far she can go before someone within the band circle starts to question hermotives, and tell her that she maybe shouldn’t get too involved with their business(not that it matters, because people like her have a prepared victim card theycan play at any time, so she’d get out of it as soon as she notices she’sreached said limit by claiming to be but a poor soul who meant no harm).Apparently, she can push fairly far though, seeing how2. HER KIDS WERE BROUGHT ON STAGE.This one seemed to have stirred up even some heated Pro!Heidi people out there,and albeit I’m sad it took this long for people to realize there’s muchfishiness attached to the smell she emits, it was still good to see it was awake-up call at least for some. Now whoever’s defending this is, in my book, honestly just gross. It would be one thing ifthe kids would express the wish to go on stage themselves, but judging by theirreactions – so from just standing there awkwardly not knowing what to do, tostraight up hiding from the crowd – didthey really? But you know what, scratch that, for the sake of theargument, let’s pretend no adult person is as disturbed as to suggest such athing themselves (cough)… Even if this wasa longing of the kids’ own free will… who in their right fucking mind wouldever allow that? Who thought itwould be a brilliant idea to throw on stage some (give or take) ten year olds,only to be screamed at by a mass of people in a language they do not understand, being surrounded bypeople they do not know. Not tomention no-one could have predicted thepublic’s reaction??? Of course the general consensus is that it would becompletely disgusting to boo at actualkids, because at the end of the day, none of what the adults surroundingthem do is their fault at all… but it stillcould have happened. And given how everyone most likely knows that Klumisn’t really popular in our community, shouldn’t they have thought about the repercussionsof their actions before putting sucha plan in gear? This lack of brain function is completely beyond me.Whether it was the kids themselves asking for it and no one rejected them;Tom’s idea for wanting to please Heidi; Heidi’s own messed up concept; orsomething else entirely… my question is still all the same: how about someone thinks of the children’s wellbeing,instead of parading them around like circus animals? Yeah, people mostly complained about this because the VIP’s were coldly toldoff as secondary as soon as the kids got involved. But I just wanted to saythis honestly goes well beyond the argument of “people paying a 1000€ to beable to have the best day of their lives, only to be told they have literallyno priority above the kids who were there out of what seemed to be pressurefrom Heidi Klum to get the spotlight she so desperately thinks she keeps lacking”.It’s not just about money. It’s about so much more than just money. To prove a point and for the sake of this essay though, I’ll still bring thisother argument up too:Look, I am of a firm belief that buying a VIP buys you – first and foremost – anexperience, and only then (assecondary) the contents of whatever the package one chooses to do includes. Andexperiences as such can obviously vary. Sometimes you’ll see the band be in agood mood, but sometimes you’ll get the vibe that they seem kind of down and uninterested.Honestly, all of those are fine by me personally. Even if I meet the band onone of their “down” days, I’d still find it beyond interesting, because Irealized at the very beginning already that I’m investing in something that iswell beyond just “a purchase,” and has many differentials in its equation – asmany as there are human emotions. You can’t exactly purchase good mood, and so youcan’t ever expect everything to be perfect and smooth, because you’re buyingyourself quality time with real life, actual, flesh and blood people, who canexperience all and every single emotion you toocan experience yourself: from despair to complete euphoria and everything inbetween. I think most people actually realize this and don’t mind it too much if theguys are moody – mostly because they rarely show it anyway, keeping up theirprofessional mask and making sure everyone is enjoying their experience to thefullest. That’s honestly such a tough part of their job, and we probably don’ttell them enough how much we appreciate that they do their best all the time to“meet everyone’s expectations,” even when they could honestly just say “fuckit”. Only… they kind of said their deepestand ugliest “fuck it” when they allapparently in unity agreed, that they have no problem if some individualsinterfere with their fans’ experience. Individuals to whom the concept of beingthere literally meant little to nothing. Because it’s not like thoseindividuals were on stage with their four favorite people in the whole world.Because those individuals haven’t been saved by their music again and again for15 years straight. Because to those individuals – even if they ended up havingfun (which they actually did not, so that’s even WORSE) – standing there wouldonly mean two minutes of semi-fun and euphoria, while to some of the fans,those two minutes would mean the wholeentire world, an experience they would never forget and always cherish deeply.So no matter how you take it, this is about way more than just one grand. It’sabout what the band was conveying to its fandom when they allowed this tohappen. It’s about how it felt as though they themselves don’t grasp theconcept of how much this means to some people. Of being ignorant on how much ofan impact they truly had on us in the years of our lives that we devoted tothem. About marking a clear void between the two fractures of “us” and “them,”putting themselves on a higher pedestal. Not to mention the fractures seem tobe opening up in between themselves as well, with other3. PEOPLE THAT ARE CLOSE TO THE BAND NOT BEING THAT ACCEPTING OF KLUM EITHERThe following includes both my personal experience, as well as experiences offriends that have been to concerts with and without me though the entire tour.While I have not seen Klum in Munich, (because I did not want to see her in Munich, and didn’t bother to turn my head evenremotely, because I just wanted to enjoy my time), my friends have all told mewhat I would suspect would be the case anyway, so you’re completely right onthe cold bitch-facing throughout the concert. Klum only ever cracks a propersmile when someone pokes her to ask for a selfie, finally satisfied that she’dgotten her share of the attention she so much craves and desires. Not even forjust the gig I’ve been to, but for the rest of them that are happening rightnow – people have all been telling me pretty much the same thing, again andagain, and there’s even been videos of her during the concerts to support theseclaims. Claims of “film, bitch-face, rinse and repeat”. Occasional jump andclap to not seem too out of place, maybe, but ones that aren’t even remotelyovertaken with any sense of pride or overflowing joy.One would expect of Mrs.ObsessedWithTheSurnameKaulitz to at least sing alongwith the songs, but she can barely manage Melancholic Paradise lyrics out ofher throat. Not to be prickly now – I’m not saying that that knowing TokioHotel songs by heart would or should be an indicator of the “true love” sheclaims to be experiencing towards Tom, but seeing the contrast between her andGustav’s wife or Georg’s girlfriend in this regard is just baffling. Not evenfor the fact that the two of them don’tseem to possess an apparently unstoppable itch when it comes to oversharingtheir enthusiasm on social media, but for the pure fact that they just plainobviously don’t have to create a social media hoax in order to portray theirgenuine happiness. Such namely always clearly shines on their proud faces,while Klum is the living example of what those girls who get front row looklike, who spend literally 2 hours of their ENTIRE concert just filming Tom fromup close, because apparently having 200gb of HD thirst footage of your iphonejust means so much more to some individuals than just enjoying and feeling the actual music seep through theirveins. But I digress.I didn’t really think too much about what either side of the parenthood isdoing – like you, I have heard mixed reports on that regard, because I know forsure the both mothers got along pretty well when they visited the concert inCologne, while on other occasions, fans have reported it might’ve not been likethat at all. All in all, I’m not bothering with them a lot, because no matterwhat their perceptions of their kids’ relationship is, it doesn’t seem to methey’ll have any sort of proper influence over it. The only thing I think I canpretty confidently claim is that both of the Gs partners aren’t all too fond ofher. You always see them separate from her on the gigs they do happen to attendtogether, and I haven’t seen them interact even once on Camp where there wereplenty of opportunities for them to do so.Besides that, everyone else is honestly still a damn mystery to me. All the wayfrom Bill and Andreas, to the Gs themselves – I still have no idea if they’rereally just that dumb to not noticethe very clear toxic patterns she is exhibiting, or if they just choose toignore the matter and let it slide again and again because Tom is, as of now,pretty much untouchable when it comes to the topic of her. Anon, I’m honestly dumbfounded, when it comes to this, Ireally am. Because even though I have pretty solid theories as to how Tom endedup being in this situation he’s in, I have still yet to find explanations forothers to not point out how disturbing it all is in retrospective.My options? They’re either:a) all just as manipulated as he is,b) all really lacking in the department of any sort of emotional intelligenceorc) their hands are actually tied, as they let him ride off his inexplicable exhilaration.But let’s be honest, what are the chances that everyone is faling for her tricks? What are the chances that everyone is emotionally backwards? My bet is that at least someone is seeing what’s going on here, but they just can’t do shit because Tom is so set to be stuck in his idealism.While we’re at this “undying euphoria” of his, can you just let me quicklybarge in with a major pet peeve I’m experiencing with Tom recently? Namely thefact of how he keeps glorifying Heidi as his “one and only true love,” and “somethingthat’s never happened to me before” and all the talk about how “the happiestday of his life is yet to come”. Ex-fucking-cuse me? I love Tom’s not-all-that-quirky-little-twelve-year-old-humorpersonality he pulls sometimes, but exclaiming all that just makes him seem beyond childish. In a way that is, to mepersonally, just very unpleasant. Irealize that he might have been fucked over and hurt more than we can possibly imagine,but to claim so impulsively and nonchalantly that “this is the first time he’sever been in love,” while being in a longass relationship before and even marryingbefore is just beyond disturbing. You can never take lessons from yourpast if you don’t learn to accept it, and this gives me all the more proof thatTom never really did processwhatever has happened between him and his ex-wife (which honestly doesn’t comeas a surprise). I’m stuck between being disappointed, because I though he hadit in him to work through his demons, sad for him that he doesn’t seem to havethe ability to do any sort of soul-searching, and just plain angry that he hasthe audacity to just ignore such a huge chunk of his life as if it didn’thappen whatsoever. Now that I’ve got that off my chest, I guess I might touch up on the fact thatshe4. SEEMS TO BE RANDOMLY INTRUDING VARIOUS Q&ASWhich people surprisingly also seem to be “okay with,” simply because the Gs’partners are both also sometimes present. Well guess what, even when the othertwo are listening in to a Q&A, it really isn’t the most professional. But atleast they have the decency to notshowcase a moment that was meant to be private to 6 million people. Weunderstand, the mighty Klum is above the petty rules of the peasants, no need to keep on ruining the only possibleprivate moments fans ever get to have with the band. “But what’s beenruined? You still get your Q&A, you still get your picture, what are youcomplaining about?” I hear people ask. I mean, first of all – the picture to meis just a little extra cherry on top which I can totally live without anyway(especially if it’s a solo one, seeing how they are really pressed about group picturesthis time around, and that’s the only one actually worth having in my book). Theactual reason for which I’m buying these VIPs are the Q&As. I love to talkto the guys, and I love it when they are raw, and completely unfiltered, anduncensored, and sincere with their fans, and when their appreciation for usactually sitting there and giving them good conversations comes through. Throw in a Heidi, and what do you get? Do peoplereally think their answers wouldn’t sway from what they could have been withouther presence? Do people really think Tom would be as genuine in his answers ifshe’d be lurking from the shadows? Do people really think she wouldn’t start pullingtheir attention from fans towards her eventually if she so wished? I’ve seen ithappen once on Camp, so I’ve no doubt she’d do it again if she simply felt likeit. And that’s just purely a no-go. Let them work. It’s half an hour of a day.Let the fans have their moment with their favorite artist. Stop intrusively insertingyourself in every situation that is humanly possible of inserting yourselfinto. This fandom doesn’t care about you. Get over yourself.I bet I’ll be able to give you way more emotionally charged info in that regardafter Saturday, where she’s almost bound to make a scene, seeing how it’s herbirthday.Ah, Saturday. A thought that should genuinely excite me. A Tokio Hotel concert,a meet and greet even! Tomorrow! Precious moments with the band that I’ve beenfollowing for more than half of my lifenow. Meeting people that have inspired me to become what I am, taught methat being me is enough.And so tell me, why do I feel anxiousnesswhere there should be happiness? Whyis my first thought “oh no,” instead of “fuck yes”? Why do I just keep thinkinghow “I don’t want this to be made into a random circus about a random assperson,” and how I desperately “crave to simply enjoy my show, with my music,and my band, nothing else”. What is the reason behind me being concerned about going to a TH concertinstead of being out of this worldexcited to the point of denial as I’ve always been?Well, your answer has a name and a surname. And she’s pushing this fandomfurther away from the band, one person at a time.I won’t even go into the stealing a M&G photo and editing out the fan part.I’m exhausted. If by now people haven’t caught up on her sheer deranged stateof mind, then it’s beyond me. All I can ask of you now, anon, is to cross yourfingers for me, and hope that I end up this tour on that same high note that Iwanted it to end, even if I picked the utmost worst date to do so. And crossthem then some further, in case it all goes south and they bring her out onstage and want to make me sing happy birthday to her, making everyone feelactually obliged and required to give two flying fucks about her. Because then,I’ll need all the willpower in the world to not get drunk and just tell themoff, speaking honestly about how what they’re doing is plain unprofessional,and that I want my 4 member band back, because I never fucking signed up for a5th one.Sorry if this is too much of a mess or didn’t exactly go into any psychological-research if that’s what you were expecting. If you have further sub-questions (want me to further elaborate on the manipulative behavior maybe), or want me to have a go at specifically just the parent issue, do let me know, and I’ll be sure to give it some more thought and answer further. But right now, it just really felt good to vent, so thanks for giving me that opportunity nonnie! And thank you for appreciating my posts!