#she's introverted i like to fill my home with people on the regular when i'm well like there are basic incompatibilities there

[plexippusangel]

Once again I am feeling very touch starved right before I hang out with my VERY pretty friend who I can't date on account of how I would be very bad for her in particular despite how much I adore her on every level. I have to keep a grip on myself. Appropriate amount of hugs and the like. I will be sooo so normal about this.

[calamity-bean]

belated review of 2022

I'd intended to post this around the New Year, which would've made sense for a "recapping the year" sort of post, yeah? Unfortunately, the days around NYE ended up being rather stressful. My cat was sick — she's fine now, nothing to show for it but a few funny bald patches where the vets had to shave her — and so at the time I was far too busy fretting to want to write this. But I figure it's still early enough in this year to reflect on the last one.

I've always struggled with social anxiety. I'm much better at handling it now than I was as a teen — at least, I'm much better at acting chill despite it — but I still often find it very difficult to put myself into new situations or get to know new people. As an introvert, it's just so easy to find an excuse to stay home, y'know? My kitty cat is at home! Why wouldn't I want to stay there with her?

But, for 2022, I set myself a goal. Every month, I would try one new thing. A class, a social or hobby-based group, an activity — something new, preferably something that got me out and about, meeting new people with interests or experiences similar to my own.

I didn't meet my goal of one a month. But I did:

— Join a really great book club! It took a couple tries, but I found one filled with intelligent, interesting, compassionate people who enjoy truly digging into the themes and ideas of whatever we read. The people in a book club, imo, are far more important than the books themselves, and this group truly brings me back to the good-spirited debates and meandering conversations I so enjoyed as a lit major back in school.

— Start dancing! And I have never been a dancer. I have always been stiff and self-conscious about my body; I've never been good at catching the rhythm of music and certainly never impressed on the dance floor of a wedding reception or a club. But I love my dance classes. Dancing with other people (like, holding each other and whatnot) took a bit of getting used to — I've never been comfortable touching people I don't know — but the other regulars at class are all fun and respectful, and I'm enjoying getting to know them. And I'm still a bit stiff, yes, but improving fast.

— Start learning Spanish! For practical reasons as well as simply the pleasure of learning. I ought to have learned better Spanish long ago anyway, better than the very little I knew before, and although obviously much more time and practice are required to get me anywhere near proficiency, I can at least say that I've kept up my Duolingo streak unbroken since the day I started months ago.

— Find a board game group! I've only been a couple times so far, but it's a fun way to spend an evening and I mean to go back again.

— Work out semi-regularly! I don't know exactly how regularly because I don't keep track and I do not fucking intend to. In the past, I have found that trying to hold myself to a strict gym routine was not productive. It created a sense of pressure that I found exhausting and demoralizing rather than motivating, and once I failed to keep to the schedule, I'd give up. So now I go to the gym when I feel like it, go for a walk when I feel like it, do it for however long I feel like it and don't worry if it's been a while. And doing it this way makes me actually look forward to the way my body and mind feel with exercise rather than dreading the obligation.

— Try a few yoga classes! I'm still not sure whether yoga per se is for me, but I think it, or something like it, would be good for me. I get cardio, but I need to find a way to build strength and flexibility as well. I have made a (semi-regular) habit of informal stretching, though, which helps.

There were also a few things that I tried but didn't stick with: a different book club whose style didn't suit me, a social group where I didn't vibe with the people, etc. In those cases, I went a couple times and then decided they weren't for me. But at least I tried them. And I have managed also to find time for my arts and crafts, which are not new things but are important to me.

2022 was not all good for me. I know that this post paints a very rosy view; like much social media, it focuses on the positive to the point of coming off pretty boastful, I fear. Rest assured, my loved ones and I have faced our own sorrows, misfortunes, setbacks, and disappointments this year as well.

But I'm much luckier than many, and I'm really glad to have put myself out there and pushed myself as much as I did this year. It's led to some awkward situations! Some bitter political fights with strangers, some weird first (and last) dates! But also a lot of enjoyment, intellectual stimulation, variety, and acquaintanceships that I hope can become friendships with time.

I have not made a formal resolution this year, but I intend to keep up the new hobbies I found last year and continue trying out new ones. I hope you, too, found something you loved in 2022, and I hope we all find peace, respite, and fulfillment in 2023.