#she's horrible but I still love her very much ♥

[themoonistalkingtou]

🌌How I got into Tarot + my tips for beginners

Read please: this is copied or inspired by @nicromancytarot111 ! She came up with this idea mainly so I was inspired, go check out her blog, it's very interesting ♥︎

☆How I get into it?

Well, I started reading tarot earlier this year... all this thanks to my ex-partner buying me the Rider Waite deck, he knew I liked witchcraft, and that I also wanted the Rider Waite deck so he bought it for me secretly and then I found the deck stored in a dresser drawer in his room- I don't know how I found it but I did lol.

So I started to practice, unfortunately I was one of those people who read a whole definition of a card instead of reading small words that define that same card, it took me time... I didn't know how to read or interpret them, and I got frustrated.

I have a friend who has been reading the same tarot deck for 2 years now, and we practiced together, she noticed my frustration but well. I learned that I didn't have to read the whole definition of a card to know what it meant (although it was hard).

I am a beginner and tarot is like a refuge for me, and I have had mistakes before. Once I asked about the love I had with a person and I got "The devil", and when I saw that card I thought it was a very powerful and unconditional love (what was going on in my brain? idk lol)

Although sometimes it is difficult for me, since I am a person with a bad emotional condition, my emotions win me, with this I have bad self-esteem and that makes me compare myself with other tarotists, if you feel this way I want to tell you that you are not alone- I understand that it is difficult but they are only emotions that are going to happen, to me they still happen and it is horrifying so I back off, it is horrible to feel this way but well, they are only moments.

☆How do I read tarot cards?

We all have our ritual before reading the cards, don't we? And I think that's very good.

I don't have any ritual, the only thing that makes me read the cards are my energies at that moment (if I feel like it or not).

I consider myself a spiritual person but I don't clean the cards and I don't protect myself before doing a reading, it's just not necessary FOR ME. I mean, if you like to do that and you find it comfortable, good for you, I don't do it.

What I do do is ask out loud and proceed to shuffle, if a card jumps I leave it and then shuffle the deck again.

I always draw 4 or 3 cards! and if I want more context I ask the air for the cards to give me more context and draw a card, this card would give me the context of the situation (but I only do this if I don't understand the cards I have previously drawn).

☆ Tips from a beginner to a beginner

(this is what I recommend, if you like to do what I don't like to do it's fine!)

Use your intuition! I don't recommend you to look at the complete definition of a card, just its key words and use them to make your reading.

Ask questions that will help you move forward and not delay you back to the past. For example, "What does my ex think of me?"... instead I suggest you ask "What do I have to overcome from my ex relationship in order to open myself back up in love?".

Don't get frustrated or compare yourself with other tarotists, I mean, let it all out but don't let that frustration get the better of you (don't be like me lmao).

When you draw the cards, look at them, before looking for their key words, look at them and ask yourself what they generate and intuit what is happening ☆

Enjoy the tarot! Tarot should be enjoyed, don't see it as an obligation, if someone wants you to do a tarot reading...do it when you have the energy to do it! ☆

★★★

Well, so much for this informative blog, I hope you found it at least a little interesting ♥︎

w love: Bri ☆

[chenria]

I posted 262 times in 2022

That's 12 more posts than 2021!

183 posts created (70%)

79 posts reblogged (30%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@chenria

@mimikoflamemaker

@sofia-d-asb

@tippystreasurebox

@miasmat

I tagged 205 of my posts in 2022

Only 22% of my posts had no tags

#original character - 24 posts

#litg carl - 22 posts

#litg s2 - 21 posts

#litg season 2 - 20 posts

#litg mc - 18 posts

#thunderbirds are go - 17 posts

#litg carl x mc - 13 posts

#litg fanfic - 13 posts

#shameless self promotion - 11 posts

#digital art - 10 posts

Longest Tag: 81 characters

#i am really looking forward to play more with my new character of princess elodie

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Okay... I threw m plans for a Mermay picture out of the window. I've been binging "My Time at Portia" for days now. This is just such a relaxing and unagitated game that brings me so much joy with building and fulfilling the commissions for the townspeople.

My builder Cassidy nearly instantly fell in love with the head of Civil Corps (the "police" of the town) and Arlo is just so cute.

So I had to feed my current hyperfixiation with a quick fanart of Cassidy with her husband Arlo (yes, she managed to marry him on the last day of the first year :3)

107 notes - Posted May 29, 2022

#4

Patreon reward for the lovely sissy_the_siren - she requested a picture of her adorable Hawke and I hope I did her justice.

110 notes - Posted February 9, 2022

#3

Okay... so... this was supposed to be my "personal art" piece for March. But migraine... I at least managed to finish it and I am mostly satisfied with the outcome. Since it's not a commission I am not going to fret too much over the parts that didn't turn out quite like I wanted them.

But at least I got myself a Lynn/Bruno fanart while I am still enjoying Season 4 of "Love Island the Game".

This game is truly a guilty pleasure and I am probably 20 years older than the target audience XD but it's silly and fun and I need that in my life right now XD Lynn is the main character in this season and I am playing her in the game.

And I know about the controversies around season 4. But I decided that I can't shut out everything in my life that I enjoy because capitalism is a thing... I have fun - you just don't have to take this season too seriously XD

Lynn and Bruno would never work outside the Villa... but that's a problem for another day XD

[My Patrons get the high res version as well as sketches and progress pictures leading up to this piece.]

Patreon || Twitter

112 notes - Posted April 2, 2022

#2

Of course... right before I need to get back to work I find my inspiration and the motivation to draw again ;) At least that's a good sign that I am really over Covid (now I only need to get rid of that annoying cough...) But at least I could seize the remaining time and managed to finish something small for myself. A picture of Virgil Tracy - yes, it's that time again that I need Thunderbirds escapism and a self-indulging picture of Virg... 

Btw... Virigl has horrible hair and I hate to draw it...

The background is a photo of the sky ... I was too lazy to come up with an actual background...

115 notes - Posted May 11, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

It’s the 16th... so we can post this, right? I’ve been waiting since May to finally be allowed to share this XD  My contribution to this years TAG Mini Bang ( @tagminibang2022 / @tagminibang ) I got assigned to illustrate one of @womble1′s great fanfics and there was so much to chose from and many brilliant fics! ♥ But that one scene totally brought an instant image to my mind, so I had to illustrate it after I read the little story called “Rest”.

In the sunken seating area, Scott was stretched out across a sofa, head propped up on a cushion, a book in one hand, legs crossed at the ankles.

“That's right little bro,” he [note: Gordon] crouched lower, draping an arm over Alan's shoulder and lowered his voice in his best nature programme voice over impression. “Here we see a very rare sight, for a while it has been thought to be extinct by several scientific communities, it’s a resting Scott Tracy”

Story: “Rest” by @womble1 

121 notes - Posted July 16, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[mnstcrbnll]

"ONE LAST TIME, WELCOME BACK TO SECRETS FROM THE STARS!!

Eleven stellar contestants wanted to give it another shot and discover the secrets remaining... and while some did amazing, some others... not so much~!

Now, first of all, time to spoil who sent those last few secrets... and then we'll go ahead and see who got the golden star... and who ended up at rock bottom!

" i still like a guy who cheated on me and broke my heart and idk what to do about it. i know i shouldn't be. i think i need some advice." was STRELITZIA'S SECRET, and half of our contestants guessed correctly! Let's hope someone will give her some advice after all!

"killed a man by adding 4x the spice to a chili. he never recovered." was BRUTO'S SECRET, and while the majority guessed right, plenty thought it could've been Anzu's, Lyra's or Molayne's secret as well. Guess nobody is a good cook, here!

"I ACCIDENTALLY CAUSED THE GREAT SUNNYSHORE CITY BLACKOUT AND NOBODY KNOWS. I CRASHED MY BIKE AGAINST A BIG ELECTRIC PANNEL AND RAN AWAY." was WILLOW'S SECRET, and with my surprise a vast majority thought it belonged to Mable! And while I'm at it, I want to remind our stellar audience to go visit Eternara's Rickshaw & Daughter's for all your biking needs!

" I once broke a thunderstone earing my classmate lent to me by chewing on it." was LYRA'S SECRET, and people equally guessed her and Molayne! We'll have to gift them both some high quality earrings!

" I have had done something naughty in the break room or my place of work " was MOLAYNE'S SECRET, but the majority guessed Bruto! My oh my, sooo spicy~!

"I have horrible Phasmophobia, but ghosts seem to love me anyway." was RIKA'S SECRET! She got the majority of votes, but that seemed to throw off a lot of people too!

"I've been trying to get back into drawing fanart of my favorite childhood book series, PokeMorphs. I even had a PokeMorph-sona back then, who was a Stantler, and I'm trying to redraw her. Who knows, maybe I'll have her evolve into a Wydeer or something" was MABLE'S SECRET, and much to my surprise, while the majority guessed her, just as many people thought it was Rika's secret! Maybe you too should meet for some fanfiction ideas!

Now now now, the moment you've been waiting for! Last time, Riley ( @auraguardians ) was on top... but this test put everyone in a very rough spot, making someone even go under ZERO STARS! In fact, at the very last place, with MINUS THREE AND A HALF STARS, Volkner ( @low-charge )!! But fear not, someone did way worse: in fact, GRUSHA ( @crushed-ice ) he decided to go ahead and threaten your galactic host on camera and we decided to give a little malus ♥ This means that, at the end of the day, with MINUS FOUR, Grusha loses! ♥

But, now, to see who became our new STELLAR GOSSIPER... with NINE STARS after she guessed every single secret of round 2 correctly, and after she oh-so-boldly went ahead and sent her guess for the first one barely five minutes after the start of our show

WILLOW ( @soardived ) IS THE WINNER OF THIS ROUND OF SECRETS FROM THE STARS!!!

For that, she's allowed to recieve... ONE WISH! Nothing too big, of course, we don't give out Mythical Pokèmon and potions of eternal youth... but after spreading your dirty laundry, the least you could ask for in return is a first class ticket, right?"

cue canned laugh

"Congratulations to all partecipants, and I wish you all a STELLAR EVENING!"

[dukeoftheblackstar]

my sweet darling duchii 🥹 thank you so much for your reblogs and comments on my two fics today!!!!! i woke up this morning from horrible dreams and was just a bit down and out, and your wonderful words and kindness has made me feel so much better 🩵😭 i'm so pleased you enjoyed the kit fisto one especially, i wrote that a long while ago now but it still remains one im most proud of, the comfort and heartache of it is as soothing as it is emotionally stimulating and it's so wonderful to see your response to it. i wrote it to soothe and comfort myself and im just so happy that you have found joy in it. your love means the world and im beyond inspired and so pleased 🥹 thank you so much. and thank u for reading/interacting with the oc x oc piece, it is very much appreciated because those fics never really get much love. so very blessed to know u. thank for your friendship, your efforts and your readership - you're really the best darling!!! so nice to have a friend who is as unhinged about the sexy jedi aliens as i am!!!!!!!!! 💚 i hope you are having a fabulous day, mwah

Omg Moonie ;//////////////; I love you so damn much ♥♥♥ You're so sweet and humble and kind and sweet and perfect ;///////; ♥♥

I'm sorry that you had horrible dreams and I'm very glad me going a sjdkajdlkjdlaj all over your fics helped! They're honest feedback because I really enjoyed reading them and I am officially Mimi x Indi stan? ;//////////; I must say it is very steamy and I am very much into that!

You and @pumpkinmischief's ocs are both lovely and well built! I hope you get to write more about your oc cause I know pumpkin's got her going with Cad ♥

Sexy Jedi aliens be our jam ♥♥♥ Kit is such a beautiful god that I would happily thirst-worship with you ♥ The way you described him is so poetic and perfect and I melt over it! I'm sorry it took me five times to read it because I can dish out a review because it was that good, and I genuinely mean it.

Kinda wanna be her because omg Kit, please? It's a beautiful one shot in itself because it really is just a one-time thing and it's so #corememory!!! I would cherish it so much and the ending is just.. *chef's kiss*

If you ever decide to write him again or Mimi and you decide on a taglist, I'd like to be part of it ♥ I'm crushing on Mimi because she's this pop-queen-princess in my head and she's probably just unhinged as my oc e//////////e.

I love you, Moonie ♥ Hope your everyday is every-better and you get more sweet and saucy dreams ♥ @eloquentmoon ♥

[letstalkaboutfandomsbaby]

╔══•.·.☆.·.♥︎.·.☆.·.•══╗

scum of the earth

╚══•.·.☆.·.♥︎.·.☆.·.•══╝

ʚ Naoya Zen'in x chubby fem reader ɞ

Part 1 ♥︎ Part 2 ♥︎ Part 3 ♥︎ Part 4 ♥︎ Part 5

❥ Word count: 12.9k

❥ CW: chubby fem reader, blatant fatphobia (i.e. name calling, insults, just all around horrible behavior), angst, mild violence (somebody gets punched), drinking (i.e. getting drunk), vomiting, mentions of suicide, lots of communication, smut, face sitting, somewhat dom reader near the end

❥ A/N: heyyyy bitchessssss aldklajfla hope yall're doing well 💕 welp! It's finally here! It's much longer than i thought it would be but im happy with how it turned out. I hope you all enjoy it as well :) thank you for being patient and sticking with me on this journey. I'm very grateful for all your support and kind words about this series 💕

You were tougher than you looked. 

Naoya thought you would crack pretty quick, forty minutes, an hour tops. But there you were across the room, laughing along with his aunts, his little cousins running around and stopping by your side every so often. He watched you lean down and let them whisper something in your ear, taking a long drink when you smiled and looked back at them, telling them something in response. The scene would've usually tugged at his heart strings, made him want to put a baby in you and start a family of your own, but right now it made him sick. You shouldn't be over there: you should be by his side, giggling at his jokes and leaning in when he'd whisper gossip to you. You should've been next to him so he could wrap his arm around you, pull your chair closer to his, maybe move his hand down to your ass and squeeze. He could practically hear you whine in protest, pushing on his chest and pouting, complaining about him being so handsy when people were around–

"Are you listening?"

Naoya sighed, tipping back his glass of whiskey before glancing at the woman beside him. She was the daughter of some big-wig his father had invited, blonde and thin, her spray tan a bit darker than it should be. He was pretty sure her tits were fake too, but he wasn't certain.

"No, not really. What did you say?" She scoffed, leaning towards him, her breasts pressing against the fabric of her chest. Wasn't her outfit a bit too revealing for a black tie event? You were dressed much better than her, more mature, stunning–

"I was saying that I was going to go to Belize next month but Daddy is telling me that I can't go until I act more 'responsible' but like I've already found a super cute bikini and I invited all my friends–"

God, he didn't care, he didn't fucking care. This was quite possibly the last thing he wanted to be doing, listening to some ditzy twig talk about her stupid vacation. He wanted to be beside you, wanted to talk to you. He was still staring at you, wondering if you had considered this a vacation before you got mad at him, if this was something you'd want to do again when you weren't so angry, once you'd forgiven him. Maybe he could take you on a trip to Bora Bora to apologize, lavish you with gifts and enough attention to make you sick. He'd love to see you in a slutty lil swimsuit, something small and tight that squeezed you just right. Maybe he could get a private beach so he could keep you away from the lingering gazes of other men. Plus, he could always take your swimsuit off himself on that isolated shore and–

"Oh my God, you're not listening!" Naoya sighed and rolled his eyes, standing up and giving the girl a fake smile.

"Sorry, hun. Gotta go take a piss. Go find somebody else to talk to."

She scoffed as he walked away, mouth hung open in shock, but he didn't care. He moved around the tables and crowd, barely paying attention to the busy dance floor. His eyes were on you, on the curve of your back as you leaned forward on the table, smiling brightly as you typed away on your phone. You were alone, Keiko and Keiya off doing who knows what, so Naoya took the opportunity to pull out the seat next to you and sit down. You glanced up, frowning once you saw him, tensing as you looked back at your phone.

"So… you gonna ignore me all night? Or are we gonna act like adults and talk through this?"

"I have nothing to say to you," you spoke flatly, not peeling your eyes from your phone. Naoya pushed down his frustration, stifling the urge to yell and demand your full attention.

"Look, I'm sorry, okay? I didn't think it would hurt you. I should've talked to you before introducing you to my dad." You didn't say anything, still typing on your phone, making him anxious. "I said I'm sorry."

"I heard you." He waited for you to continue, but when you didn't say anything else, he instinctively filled the space.

"Look, I'm sorry, I really am. Just let me make it up to you, okay? We can go away somewhere and just relax for a couple days, shit, we could leave for a couple weeks if you want, I don't care, just–"

"I don't want to be around you anymore, Naoya. I deserve better."

"Babe, please–"

"Please don't call me babe anymore. I don't wanna talk to you." You took a deep breath, grabbing your champagne glass and taking a sip. "I will be civil to you for the rest of this trip but I don't want anything to do with you once we get home." Oh, he didn't like that answer one bit. Desperate times.

"And what if I don't let you go home, huh? What if I just cancel your ticket and force you to stay?"

"Keiya said she would help me out if I needed anything." Shit.

"Oh, yeah? What else is Keiya gonna do for ya? She gonna take you shopping? Make you her sugar baby? Eat your pussy?"

"Y/N!!" Naoya stopped when his little cousins ran up to the other side of you, grabbing your dress and patting your leg. "They said they would do-do the chicken dance if-if-if enough people asked–"

"We wanna do the chicken dance with you!"

"Can you ask them pretty please? We wanna dance the chicken dance!" Your laugh was light and glittery, sweet as nectar, and Naoya found his anger melting at the sound. How could someone have him wrapped around their finger with just a giggle?

"Alright, alright, I'll go ask them. Are your mom and aunt gonna ask too?"

"Uh-huh!"

"Yep!"

"Okay, then let's all go ask together. I'm sure they'll play it if we ask nice enough." The twins cheered, bouncing as you stood up. Naoya quickly reached out, wrapping his hand around your wrist, making you look back at him confused.

"I'm not done talking." Your eyes darkened and you gave him a look he had never seen before: one of absolute indifference.

"I am." Your gaze did not falter as you shook him off, glaring at him before reaching for his cousins' hands, smiling down at them. "Let's go, ladies." You walked off without another word, not looking back, not giving any indication that he even existed to you. He felt his hands twitch as he watched you walk off. He bit at his lower lip, chewing it into oblivion as he looked down at his whiskey glass, mind racing.

Okay, she doesn't want to talk. That's fine. Two can play at that game. You can ignore her too. She'll be back at some point. But as his eyes trailed back up to you—as he saw how you smiled brightly at people you had just met—a small voice in his head arose.

She's not going to come back.

Okay, maybe she won't come back right away, but you can make it up to her. You've won plenty of women over after much worse actions. Maybe you could send her flowers or do one of those stupid grand gestures that they do in romance movies, show up to her job and get on your knees, beg her to forgive you. You can put on a show if it means getting her back.

As if that would make her forgive you. She's never shown interest in those things before; why would she start now? Naoya watched you across the reception room, leg bouncing as he saw his aunt Keiya lean towards you and whisper something in your ear. He felt his stomach churn when you tossed your head back and gave a heartfelt laugh. See? She doesn't need you. She never did. Why would she choose you over the dozens of other people who would treat her so much better?

She doesn't have dozens of people lining up to date her–

How do you know?

Oh, God. He didn't know. He didn't know at all. There was so much uncertainty around you—your past, your goals—did he even know what your favorite color was? What was your last name again? Did you even have parents? You two never talked about your families…

A large hand clapped onto Naoya's back, almost launching him into the table. He choked on his drink, stifling a cough as a boisterous laugh sounded beside him.

"Jeez, looks like somebody can't handle his liquor."

God damn it all.

"The fuck do you want, Naotake?" The elder Zen'in whistled, leaning down to get a better look at Naoya.

"Damn, who shit in your cereal this morning? Can't even give a polite 'hello' to your big brother?" Naoya gulped down his whiskey, sending his brother a glare.

"Maybe I would greet my brothers if they were worth my time."

"Just as cold as usual, I see. But seriously, how have you been? Haven't seen you since Ogi's wedding and that was years ago." Naoya kept quiet, staring at you from across the hall, watching you sway lazily with one of his little cousins in your arms, their cheek squished against your shoulder. His brother hummed, putting his hand on Naoya's shoulder. "Girl trouble?"

"Fuck off." Naotake gave a laugh, patting his shoulder.

"C'mon. Let's get you a refill." Naoya glanced down at his glass, sighing when he realized it was empty save for a bit of leftover ice. He begrudgingly stood up, pausing when his head spun for a moment, quickly recovering before walking to the bar with Naotake.

"Whiskey Sour or Old Fashioned?"

"Just straight."

"Shit, really? You must really be having a hard time." Naoya wanted to make a snide comment back, but his right temple pounded uncomfortably, leaving him mute. His brother didn't seem to care: he ordered a whiskey on the rocks for Naoya and a highball for himself, pushing a five dollar bill towards the bartender.

"So," he started, pushing the far-too-filled glass of whiskey to his brother, leaning against the bar, "what's her name?" Naoya stayed silent, contemplating his empty glass before pushing it away, grabbing the full one and tossing it back.

"Y/N."

"Pretty. How'd ya meet her?" Another chug, one that weighed heavy in the back of his throat, making his mouth sticky.

"She's my neighbor."

"Cute. So, you flirt with her by the mailboxes one day and make your move, or did it take time to ask her out?" Naoya's head felt heavy, like there were too many thoughts spinning around in his skull, weighing him down.

"We're not dating." The words came out without much thought, but the implication behind them left a hard pit in his stomach. Oh, God, is this how you felt when he had just called you his neighbor, indicating that you were nothing more? Did you feel just as sick and worthless as he did right now?

"Not dating? So why did you bring her?" Why did he bring you? Why did he whine and complain when you first said that you didn't want to come? Why did he insist that you spend time with him in a far away place?

"I… well, I wanted her to come."

"I understand that, but why?"

"Why are you interrogating me? Is it a crime to bring a plus one that you're not dating?" Naotake held up a hand in surrender.

"Hey, I didn't say anything like that. I'm just confused as to why you brought along a girl that you're not dating. Dating isn't really your style in the first place so I'm lost."

Dating really wasn't his style, for a multitude of reasons. Strict rules and a lack of a caring motherly figure in his childhood home: he just wasn't raised to love like that. Naoya had always considered himself a bachelor, going from woman to woman, enjoying them until he had his fill and then leaving them without any consideration for how they would feel waking up in an empty bed. He never liked the thought of dating, of being tied down to just one person, worried about the endless list of risks. He probably took that after his father, one of the many things he would inherit in his lifetime.

But then you came along, plump and beaming and filled to the brim with a sincerity he wasn't used to. He knew very well how fake people were in his world, singing his praises of how wonderful he was, the best Zen'in son, the clear heir to his father's empire. He was used to the exaggerations and the brown-nosing from strangers and friends in hopes that he would sprinkle a bit of his wealth onto them, blessing them with a fraction of his destined fortune. He knew how to sniff it out, how to play the game so he could trail people along as long as he liked until he grew bored and left them behind. He could taste the tracest amount of saccharine; he had grown accustomed to its flavor, to its artificial taste.

You, on the other hand, were pure sugarcane, sweet and honest and real despite how artificial the rest of the world was. It was refreshing, in a frightening way. Is that why he bullied you in the beginning, treating you like absolute garbage? Was he just so unused to genuine kindness that it made him build his walls even higher, turning him cruel and defensive and downright bitter?

"So, you're not dating but you brought your neighbor along with you anyways. Are yall fucking or something?" Naoya paused when his drink reached his lips, shrugging and downing the last of it, putting his glass on the counter and signaling for the bartender to refill it.

"I guess."

"Well, you are or you aren't, but if you brought her along then I assume you're at least fucking." Naoya pulled his newly filled glass back to him, swallowing down some phlegm building in the back of his throat. "Okay, then let me ask you this: does she matter to you?" 

What kind of question was that? Of course you did. You mattered more than people he knew since kindergarten, more than friends and family who only cared about him because his presence alone had benefits. And that didn't even scratch the surface of all the bullshit expectations he had to live up to.  You mattered so, so much; why couldn't you see that? Did one word really mean that much to you? Would being his girlfriend really have solved the inevitable downfall of your relationship? You would've left him sooner or later: either he would get bored or you would realize, just like today, that you deserved better. Why tie you down with a label when you would free yourself from it eventually? You both knew that he was trash; if it wasn't for his dad's money and influence, nobody would give him a second glance.

"To be honest, if you are fucking her, I'm surprised. She doesn't seem like she fits your standards."

"What?" he snapped at Naotake, glaring at him through the haze of booze coursing through him. Naoya's brother shrugged, staring straight ahead.

"I mean, she's kinda pretty, but not really hot. You always went after the hot girls so I'm just shocked that you went after a… big girl like her, ya know?"

No, he didn't know. What the fuck was his brother talking about? Not hot? Jesus, how blind could he be? You were absolutely radiant tonight; Naoya wasn't sure if he'd ever seen you so beautiful before. You looked like an angel, absolutely glowing under the hall's chandeliers, and this idiot had the audacity to say you weren't hot.

"If you don't see how hot she is then that's your problem."

"Ooo, someone's getting defensive. You sure you aren't dating?"

"Fuck off."

"Alright, alright," he mumbled, turning around to lean his back against the bar. "I'm just confused, I guess. I mean, you've always been an ass man so I can kind of see why you chose her—" how dare he look at you "—but I can't see the appeal of the rest of her."

"Naotake. If I want your opinion, I'll ask for it."

"Sure, but you know me. I like to give my opinion regardless!" He let out a hearty laugh, but Naoya didn't see what was so funny. He didn't see why his pathetic elder brother would laugh about something like this. "But seriously, Naoya, a fat girl? I just… I don't know, man, she's not ugly but she'd look a hell of a lot better if she cut the carbs and worked out once in a while."

Oh, that made his blood boil, which was odd since Naoya would've said something similar not even a year ago. But it was different coming from a stranger, from a nobody that didn't know the first thing about you. He'd never know how soft the wide expanse of your skin was or how sweetly you keened when someone squeezed your tummy while pounding your perfect cunt or how your round cheeks felt when he cupped your face and you smiled. He was just spouting ignorance at this point. Regardless, it pissed Naoya off.

"Like her face is pretty and all, and sure her tits look good, but Jesus, you can see her belly pushing up against her dress and shit. It looks gross. If you are fucking her, you must do it from the back all the time so you don't have to see it."

God, is this how Naoya used to talk? Was it the booze making him realize how terrible this all sounded? Considering all the horrible things he once said about your body before he knew you, no wonder you were so willing to drop him the minute he fucked up.

"I mean, credit where credit is due, she's got a nice rack on her. Bet her areolas look like bologna slices, huh?"

Naoya downed the last of his drink, setting it on the counter with a thud. He was getting tired of this, getting sick of hearing his stupid, worthless brother go on and on about you, talking about you like you were nothing more than a toy to be used and discarded.

You have no right to complain. You treated her the exact same way.

"To be honest with you, if you're not dating then I may take her for a spin. At least then I could find out what all the fuss is about with a whale like her–"

It all happened so fast. The wind-up, the followthrough, his older brother falling to the floor and grabbing his cheek. Naoya hadn't even fully processed that he had punched Naotake until his hand started to throb, blood rushing to the point of contact. 

He was breathing heavily, eyes glazed as he stared at his brother, not blinking until one of his distant family members rushed over to help him up off the ground. Naoya inhaled sharply, head spinning as he looked up at the reception. Not many had noticed what just occurred, but it was enough to make him shrink in on himself. He could see his father's disapproving glare across the room, his bimbo of a receptionist sitting on his lap, clinging to him tightly. Naoya's eyes struggled to scan the attendees, eventually settling on you. You were staring right back, eyes wide in shock or fear, your hands holding his cousin's head towards your shoulder so she couldn't see the events that were unfolding. 

His stomach twisted horribly as he struggled to swallow. He turned his back on the crowd, looking up at the nervous bartender. He leaned against the bar, pulling out his wallet from his back pocket.

"Gimme the bottle."

"S-Sir… I'm not sure if —" Naoya reached out quickly, grabbing the poor man by the collar, pulling his face close.

"The bottle." The bartender gulped, grabbing the nearby bottle of whiskey and putting it up on the counter. Naoya released him, tossing him a bill of unknown value before snatching the bottle, rushing out of the reception.

Stupid stupid stupid, he repeated as he trudged to the elevators, pulling the cork lid off and drinking straight from the bottle. He hit the wrong floor at first, but corrected himself after focusing on the numbered buttons for far too long. The elevator made him woozy, but he made it out alive, wobbling down the hall as he gulped down too much whiskey. Hopefully he'd feel better after a short shower and some sleep. Maybe he wouldn't be so miserable in the morning.

No. Who was he kidding? He deserved to feel this shitty, to drown his sorrows in alcohol until he blacked out. What better punishment than misery for the scum of the Earth?

"Are you sure you wanna go alone, hun? We can send one of his uncles up with ya."

"No, I'll be fine."

"Alright… I'm just worried he'll get violent with you too." You paused, contemplating her words.

"I'll be alright. I can take care of myself." Keiya gave you a sympathetic smile, holding out her hands to take Mai. You transferred the sleeping girl to her aunt's shoulder, rubbing her back soothingly before smiling at her. "Thank you for looking out for me tonight. I really appreciate all of it."

"No problem, hun. If you need anything—anything at all—you've got my number, okay?" You nodded, giving the woman one more side hug before pulling away, waving at Keiko before leaving the reception. It was a short trip to the elevator and up to your floor: you didn't see Naoya anywhere along the way, assuming he would be in your shared room having a temper tantrum of sorts. A part of you didn't want to check on him, wanted to make him wallow in misery for a while, but you were better than that. You still cared about him despite it all. You'd made a strong emotional connection with him; you couldn't get rid of those feelings within a couple hours, despite how badly you wished you could.

You were shifting through your clutch to find your key card, looking up and slowing down once you reached your room. There was Naoya, sitting on the floor with his back against the wall, head slumped to one side and eyes closed. There was an empty bottle of whiskey beside him, his jacket on the other side, bow tie unraveled and resting around his neck.

"You look like shit," you muttered mostly to yourself, shaking your head as you took in the pathetic display in front of you. Naoya peeked at you with one eye, soon closing it and slumping back.

"F'rgo ma card." You shook your head, snorting softly.

"And after all the nagging you did to make sure I had mine." You leaned down to pick up the empty bottle and his coat, shaking his shoulder. "C'mon, asshole. Let's get you in bed." He groaned, slouching even further towards the ground.

"Don' wanna."

"Although I would love to leave you out here as a way of revenge, I'd feel bad. Get up." Naoya huffed, giving a weak attempt at resisting your hand tugging at his upper arm. He got to his knees eventually, pausing for quite a while before getting up on his feet with your help. He wobbled and you struggled to steady him, but he found his footing and was able to stand while you unlocked the door. You pushed it open with your foot, keeping an arm around his waist as you guided him inside.

"Jesus, Naoya, what am I going to do with you?" He huffed, leaning too much of his weight onto you.

"Where's Y/N?" Oh, wonderful, he didn't realize who you were. You weren't sure if that made things better or worse.

"I don't know," you lied, dropping his coat and the empty glass bottle on the table near the door. He grumbled something incoherent, leaning further into you, making you groan. "Naoya! Come on, this is ridiculous, you gotta get up!"

"Wan' Y/N… where is she?"

"Jesus Christ," you lifted Naoya's chin, forcing his dazed expression to point to you. "I'm here, see? I'm right here." He blinked groggily, struggling to straighten up and stand on his own. Once he did, he cupped your face, squinting at you, pushing your chubby cheeks together.

"Y/N?" he slurred. You sighed, nodding into his hands. He sucked in a breath, his eyes softening considerably before he pulled you to him, burying his face into your hair. "Oh, baby, I missed you. Missed you so much."

You relaxed yourself as best you could in his grasp, letting him squeeze you tightly. It was better to let him do as he pleased while he was drunk; the last thing you wanted was for him to stumble and get hurt if you tried to push him away. You pat his shoulder, letting him breathe in your scent.

"Ma sweet baby, ma pretty girl. I missed you so much, beautiful." You braced yourself for his eventual wandering hands, expecting him to reach down and squeeze your ass as best he could in his drunken state, but his hands didn't move. His arms stayed wrapped around your shoulders, one hand bracing the back of your head, keeping you secure. You weren't sure how long you had stood there before he pulled back.

"My sweet girl," he muttered, leaning down to press a sloppy kiss on your lips. It was lazy and uncoordinated, wet and messy. You kept your mouth sealed shut, face twisting at the strong smell of alcohol suffocating your senses. Maybe you should just push him off, maybe call for somebody to come take care of him so you wouldn't have to deal with this—

You didn't have time to decide. Just a moment later, Naoya pulled away, staring blankly for a minute before releasing you and rushing into the bathroom. You heard the toilet seat open followed by the sound of him gagging, apparently throwing up. You cringed, grateful that he at least didn't release his stomach contents on you. You sighed, kicking off your heels, moving to your suitcase.

You entered the bathroom with a glass of water and a headband, cautiously moving to Naoya's side. He was keeled over the toilet, his head hanging over the bowl. He spit out some phlegm, heaving a bit and breathing heavily.

"Here," you cooed, gently stretching the headband over his skull, slowly pulling it so his hair was held back. "There. At least your hair is out of the way." He didn't respond when you pulled away. You moved to a shelf holding towels, grabbing a washcloth and going to the sink. You drowned it in cold water, wringing it out before going back to Naoya. You pressed the washcloth on the back of his neck, brushing aside a few hairs with your free hand.

"I wish I was dead," Naoya blubbered, his mouth covered in a layer of saliva, a string of spit leading into the toilet.

"No, you don't," you replied, moving the washcloth to his forehead, pressing the cool towel against him. "You're just drunk and you don't feel good."

"Nobody would care." He leaned further against the toilet, arms hugging the bowl. "Y/N wouldn't care. She'd be happier." Ah, so he forgot who you were again.

"No, she wouldn't." You wiped his mouth, cleaning off the spit, standing up and walking back to the sink.

"Yeah… she would. She hates me. Ev'rybody hates me."

"No, they don't." Where was this coming from? Naoya was the most narcissistic, egotistical jerk you had ever met. Suddenly he was depressed? It doesn't add up, you thought, going back to where he kneeled.

"Ev'rythin would be better if I was dead," he babbled, sighing when you laid the cool washcloth on the back of his neck. "Wanna jump off a buildin."

"Don't talk like that," you whispered, rubbing his back. He grew silent, suddenly hunching further over the bowl and throwing up some more. You winced, turning away slightly as he upchucked, spitting out the last of it.

"'m a piece a shit." Well, you couldn't argue with that. "I miss her sho, shooo much. I wanna kiss 'er." He leaned back on one hand, almost falling over as he reached for his phone in his back pocket. He fumbled with it, slowly pressing against the screen before lying down on the floor, letting the phone fall beside him. You could faintly hear your phone buzzing in the next room, vibrating in your clutch bag. Was he really calling you? You waited to find out.

You could hear your voicemail play on his phone, making him moan pathetically. He weakly kicked his foot, a sad attempt at a temper tantrum. The tone beeped and Naoya turned his head towards his phone.

"Y/N," he whined, drawing out your name. "'m sorry. Please don' hate me. I miss you, wantchu so bad. Please come back, I love you sho much. So shooooo much."

You felt your heart clench at the gloomy display in front of you. Why did this have to happen now when he was drunk and sad? Why couldn't he have declared his love for you when he was sober, when he was coherent, when he could look into your eyes and mean every word? He was only saying these things because he was upset and lonely and drowning in alcohol. It was disappointing, leaving your stomach in knots as he continued to babble on to his cell phone.

"I can't do this," you whispered, sluggishly leaving the room. You reached behind you to unzip your dress, tugging it off, letting it fall to the floor and stepping out of it. You crouched beside your luggage, grabbing your sleep shirt… the one Naoya had given you weeks ago. Your pride told you to toss it aside and choose something else, but it was soft and smelled good. It had made you feel safe and secure on the hard nights you spent alone, when Naoya wasn't around to hold you tight and make all those dumb insecurities disappear. You snuggled the fabric for a moment, breathing it in, heart aching.

"It's not fair…" you mumbled, feeling tears prick at your eyes. "Of all the assholes to fall for… why'd it have to be you?"

Naoya awoke with a pounding headache. He could feel his heartbeat behind his eyes, his stomach churning as he gained consciousness. Shit, he thought with a groan, bringing his hand to his head, squeezing the bridge of his nose. What happened last night? He hadn't drank like that in ages, the last time being a huge frat party celebrating some sport's team. He reached around, fumbling on the nightstand until he found his phone. He squinted as he looked at the time, groaning when he saw that it was barely past five am. He put his phone back down, reaching behind him, searching for you–

Wait. Naoya inhaled sharply, hurrying to turn on the nightstand lamp, turning around to see the empty space beside him. His heart beat faster as he grabbed his phone, swallowing when he didn't see any message from you. He dialed your number, sitting up as the phone started to ring. He heard a faint vibrating, making him furrow his brow. He looked at your side once again, seeing your phone on the nightstand. What the–

He heard the toilet flush. He waited, watching light shine out of the bathroom before flickering away. You walked around the corner, rubbing your eyes, squinting at him. The two of you stared at each other for a moment before Naoya realized he was still calling your phone. He hung up, setting his phone down and looking back at you.

"I… I didn't know where you were." You sniffed, shrugging and trudging tiredly to your side of the bed.

"'m here," you mumbled, pulling back the covers and plopping down on the bed, sighing as you snuggled into your pillow. He gazed at your back, his heart clenching terribly.

"Are you still mad at me?" He waited for a response, watching you all the while, swallowing when you didn't answer. "Look, I know I messed up and I'm so sorry, Y/N. Please let me make it up to you." 

Still nothing. The silence was consuming him, suffocating him, dragging him down into the abyss where he worried he could never crawl out. He cautiously laid down behind you, slowly inching closer to your back.

"Please, Y/N," he pleaded again, hesitantly reaching out to fiddle with your loose nightshirt. It was a gift from him yet you still chose to wear it: that meant something, right? If you really hated him, you wouldn't have bothered to put it on. You would've tossed it aside but you were wearing it. It had to be a good sign… right?

"Y/N," he whispered again, itching for a response, for some kind of acknowledgement. God, this was like when Toji visited all over again, when you ignored him as best you could for almost two weeks straight. He couldn't stand that silence, that distance from you. It was worse now that you were right here beside him, within his reach and yet miles away.

"Please talk to me." He could feel it now, that terrible bubbling in his throat, shooting towards his eyes and making them burn. Fuck fuck fuck–

"Please say something," it was barely a breath, so soft you could've mistaken it for a breeze, but there was a crack you heard that made your eyes open wide. You listened, confirming your suspicions before you sat up quickly, turning on the lamp beside you before looking back at Naoya.

"Are you crying?" He froze, his face flushed a brilliant scarlet as he sunk under the covers quickly. You didn't let him hide for long, tugging at the sheets and exposing him to your gaze, causing him to shrink and huddle into the t-shirt you helped him into last night. "Naoya," you called, putting a hand on his arm just for him to curl further into himself, trying his best to avoid your touch. "Naoya… Naoya, look at me."

"Mm-mm," he mumbled, shaking his head under his clothes. You sighed, feeling how his skin was burning, hands trembling slightly as they covered his face. You placed your hands on top of his, gently coaxing them away.

"Don't hide from me." He didn't move as you laid down beside him again, just a few inches away from him. His hands were twitching slightly, a result of him trying to control his involuntary shaking. You rubbed your thumbs against them, trying to soothe him. You stayed quiet as you reached for the hem of his shirt, tugging it down slowly. Naoya was tense as you moved, eyes squeezed shut as his face was exposed. You could see tears staining his rosy cheeks, his lower lip tugged between his teeth.

"Naoya… why are you crying?" He shook his head, turning onto his stomach to bury his face in his pillow.

"'m not." God, he was such a terrible liar. Even when you could clearly see the truth, he still insisted on putting up a front.

"Why are you crying, Naoya?"

"Fuck off, 'm not cryin'," he grumbled turning from his stomach to his other side, his back to you. Seriously?

"Why do you do this?" Naoya sniffled, glancing over his shoulder at you.

"...What?"

"This," you gestured towards him, pushing yourself up into a seated position. "Acting all sad and pretending you want me and then pushing me away." Naoya frowned, turning onto his back and wiping at his face.

"I'm not pretending to want you—"

"Seriously? That's the part you're worried about? Not the 'pushing me away' bit?" He huffed, propping himself up on his elbows to face you better, his depression morphing into rage.

"I'm not pushing you away—"

"You're so delusional—"

"What?" You scoffed, shaking your head and crossing your legs, leaning over to rest your elbows on your knees.

"Fine, well, regardless, you get all huffy and puffy when shit doesn't go your way but the minute I'm upset with something, suddenly it's 'you're overreacting' and 'why are you so upset', as if my feelings aren't as valid as yours."

Naoya paused, brow furrowed. Did he do that? He couldn't remember ever doing it, but he wasn't exactly reliable when it came to recollecting how he's hurt people. It really shouldn't have surprised him that he didn't remember anything you claimed he did. He slowly sat up, contemplating your accusations.

"I… I never said your feelings weren't valid."

"You didn't need to." Your voice was laced with venom, thick and wet and oh so sad. "It's how you act, Naoya. You're allowed to get angry or upset whenever you want, but when I do it…" You drifted off, letting the silence consume the two of you before shrugging hopelessly. "It feels like my feelings don't matter to you."

"What are you talking about?" he spoke softly, scooching closer to you. "Your feelings do matter—"

"Since when?" you snapped, whipping around to glare at him. "From the moment we met, you rarely considered my feelings on things." You held up your hand, hooking your index finger on your opposite pinky. "You insulted me for months, acting like the shittiest neighbor ever, making all kinds of noise. You basically forced yourself on me the first time we fucked, and after that you practically manipulated me into being friends with benefits." You lowered your hands as you turned away, picking at the skin around your nails as you continued. "Then once I finally think you're becoming a better person, you go back to being yourself once Toji shows up. And then you treat me like shit again and get upset when I don't want to be around you anymore. And then you force yourself onto me again. Do you see a pattern here?"

Yes, he did, but not because he wanted to. Have you always disapproved of his actions? Did you truly dislike how he's treated you? He knew he was crass and rude at times, but he thought you still accepted him at the end of the day. How blind he had been…

"I… I didn't…"

"Every time I think I'm done with you, you bring out the best in yourself and make me forgive you. You make me fall for you over and over again and it's making me nauseous." 

Now that… that caught his attention.

"You…" He paused, licking his lips. "You fell for me?" Silence again, absolutely deafening. 

"... Yeah. And I hate it." Fuck, that hurt to hear. You fiddled with your fingers, smoothing out the skin as you spoke. "I don't want to like you. You're such an asshole most of the time but then when we're alone you get all soft and sweet and make me feel like I'm the only girl in the world who matters. It's so fucking infuriating." Naoya scoffed, almost chuckling, moving to sit beside you as his knuckles brushed your arm. 

"Babe, you are the only girl in the world who matters to me—"

"See?" you snapped, yanking your arm out of his reach, making him flinch. "You're doing it again! Making me feel bad for ever disliking you and trying to win my favor…" Naoya opened his mouth to speak, soon closing it shut and biting his tongue. Silence settled over the two of you again, like a warm blanket, heavy and suffocating.

"I feel like," you started, wringing your hands, "like I'm the only one who's honest about their feelings. Like I'm the only one who says how they truly feel." He furrowed his brow, trying not to glare at you out of the corner of his eye.

"What are you implying?"  You huffed, turning back to him.

"Oh, come on, Naoya. You've hid your feelings long enough."

"What—"

He shut up when you grabbed your phone, watching curiously as you tapped away at it, increasing the volume. He blushed when he heard his voice ring out.

"Y/N! 'm sorry. Please don' hate me. I miss you, wantchu so bad. Please come back, I love you sho much. So shooo—"

"I—T-Turn that off!" he stuttered, reaching for your phone, attempting to pull it away and shut it off. You kept it out of his reach, getting up on your knees and holding your phone over his head.

"Why? This is how you really feel, right? Or were you lying last night to make me like you again—"

"I wasn't lying—"

"So you do like me?"

"I…"

Naoya curled in on himself, looking down at his hands. He rubbed his fingertips a bit, chewing his bottom lip incessantly. You waited patiently for him to continue, to give some kind of explanation for his behavior recently. Instead, he sighed loudly, mumbling a curse under his breath as he lowered himself to the bed, staring up at the ceiling. You relaxed, turning off the voicemail he sent you last night, sinking down to the bed with him. It felt oddly calming laying beside him like that. Despite your anger and frustration at his actions, it was still nice to be alone with him, to see him for who he truly was.

"You remember when you didn't talk to me for, like, two weeks? Back when Toji visited?" He glanced over at you, inhaling sharply when you nodded. He swallowed hard, tucking his chin to watch his hands fumble with each other. "Seeing you doing so well without me pissed me off. I wanted you to be miserable. I wanted you to be sad and angry. I wanted you to want me back, but… but you were fine." His hands squeezed each other hard, rubbing dangerously rough, almost cutting off circulation. "You didn't need me around. You didn't need me before we started fucking and you don't need me now. There's nothing keeping you with me. You're doing just fine on your own. I don't… I don't add anything to the relationship. I might as well be dead weight. You don't need me."

You scrunched your face up, propping your head up and resting your cheek against your palm.

"How long have you felt like this?" you whispered, feeling surprisingly tender considering who you were talking to.

"Since you ghosted me, when Toji was around." He clenched his jaw, looking back up at the ceiling. "And it… I mean, it hasn't gone away. I know you could ghost me again any day now. And I wouldn't blame you, I don't think. You'd be better off without me." You frowned. Where was this coming from? Was this really the narcissist that acted all lovey-dovey and then left you hanging so many times? It felt so unlike him, so raw and open. You weren't sure how you felt about it yet.

"Why do you say that?" you asked quietly.

"Oh, come on, Y/N," he practically groaned, looking at you before motioning towards himself. "Look at me. I'm a spoiled rich kid, I've never had to work a day in my life. My only redeeming quality is my money and even then that doesn't fix every situation… I know you feel the same."

"Naoya, I—"

"I don't blame you. I mean," he sighed loudly, running a hand over his face, "it fucking sucks, but it's not like you're wrong for thinking that. If I died today, it's not like it would change anything. The world would keep spinning, my family would be fine. You'd be fine. But just the thought of you not talking to me anymore makes me wish I was dead. If you were gone forever? Shit, I don't know what I'd do. Probably become an alcoholic like my dad. Who knows?"

You could feel your heart breaking, the sharp pang of sorrow flowing through you. This wasn't the Naoya you had met so many months ago, who had insulted you and made you feel worthless. You were hesitant to say that this was the real Naoya, the one whose walls were broken down and he was laid bare, unprotected and vulnerable. Raw, pure, honest.

"Naoya… I had no idea you felt this way…" He shrugged.

"You shouldn't have to. It's not your fault. I'm just stupid and selfish—"

"Hey—"

"—honestly, sometimes I think everyone would be better off without me—"

"Stop."

Your hand found his chest, pressing down, urging him to stop. He tensed under your touch, but he didn't try to push you away. He sniffed, clearing his throat, a single tear falling past his lashes and moving down his temple. If you hadn't been staring, you would've never noticed it. You laid down beside him again, your hand beginning to draw circles on his sternum. 

"Is this really how you feel?"

"... yeah…"

"Why didn't you ever tell me?"

"I… I don't know. I thought you might come to your senses and leave me sooner." You sighed, resting your cheek against his shoulder, frustrated in a dozen different ways.

"We could've talked about this, Naoya."

"Yeah, yeah, I know, I just… I don't know." You gave a half smile at his awkward wording, tapping his chest lightly.

"You're not very good at communicating your feelings." Naoya scoffed, his arm slipping around you, gentle but secure. You didn't push him away, feeling strangely safe under his sturdy limb.

"Yeah, well, it's not like I got any practice as a kid." You hummed.

"Was your childhood really that bad?"

"No… I mean…" Naoya sighed, his hand beginning to rub circles on your back, soft and soothing. "I got everything I wanted. I didn't have to worry about the same shit as other kids, but I never had a mom and my dad was never around. I was pretty much raised by tutors and governesses and shit."

No mother? You propped yourself up just a bit, tucking your chin into his chest, gazing at him curiously.

"What happened to your mom?" He shrugged, the motion making you shift a bit, but his arm kept you securely against him. You were surprised that you found it comfortable.

"I don't know. She left when I was a baby, when I was less than a year old. She wasn't happy with her life and so she just got up and left one day. I don't remember anything about her. Apparently I have her eyes."

She must have had very pretty eyes, is what you instinctually wanted to say, but you kept your lips pursed together, absorbing his words.

"...I'm sorry you had to go through that, Naoya." Another shrug, a lopsided smile to try and ease your worries.

"Eh… it's whatever. I've been over it for years."

A lull fell over the two of you, weighing you down. It wasn't uncomfortable like it was before, at least not to you. Your mind was racing with the information Naoya had just disclosed to you. His past didn't excuse his actions, but it explained it a bit. It made sense that he was closed off and defensive, the fear of abandonment settled deep within his amygdala, dictating his actions before he could even process the situation he was in. It was a natural fight or flight response: he'd been so used to fighting that his normal response to anything was to act defensive. At least then he could try and avoid being hurt.

"Look… if you're gonna leave me, please just rip the bandaid off now and—"

"Shhhh." Your head found his chest, cheek squished against his bicep as you tried to think. Naoya hurt you, as he did many times, and he apologized just like he had all those other times in the past. You knew he could very well hurt you again—that's what his pattern of behavior was suggesting. You knew that he could very likely make you cry and feel miserable, treat you like shit, beat you down again and again until you were a shell of your former self.

You should break up with him for good. You should leave him. This is what he deserves. He deserves to be miserable. He deserves to feel like shit. He's an awful human being and he doesn't deserve to be happy. He doesn't deserve you.

And yet…

"Are you sorry for all the times you've ever hurt me?" you asked, breaking the silence between you.

"Yes," Naoya replied instantly, his arm holding you close, snuggling you to him. You lifted your head, staring at him intensely, making him wince under your gaze.

"Are you really sorry?"

"...Yes." Your eyes narrowed.

"You hesitated."

"Well, shit, I'm just trying to figure out where you're gonna go with this. Like, what's the point—"

"Shush." He quieted, watching you sit up beside him. You glanced at a random point in the room, looking back at him seriously.

"If you admit that you love me, I'll accept your apology."

Oh, that got his attention. Naoya perked up far more than you anticipated, his skeptical scowl disappearing as he propped himself on his elbows.

"Really? You mean it?" he asked, his voice light and hopeful. It made your stomach flip in the best way. Damn him for being so cute.

"Yeah, I do." Naoya paused, licking his lips as he silently weighed his options. He chewed his bottom lip for a moment, his face getting redder the longer time passed. He suddenly cleared his throat, lifting his gaze so he could look at you.

"I… I, um… I love you…" You leaned towards him, tilting your head.

"And you mean it?"

"Yes."

"With your whole heart?"

"Yes." Your heart started to pound, that familiar lightheadedness from the beginning of your relationship rearing its head.

"You're sure—" Naoya groaned, rolling his eyes.

"Jesus, yes! Yes, I mean it."

He was frustrated, clearly, but that blush was still there, pink cheeks glowing under the soft light of the bedside lamp. You let his words settle in the air, a hint of a smile playing at your lips as a thought developed in your brilliant brain.

"Hmm… say it again." He blinked owlishly.

"Huh?"

"Say you love me again." He blushed harder, his face turning scarlet, creeping down towards his neck and the tips of his ears.

"Jeez, seriously, Y/N?"

"Mm-hm." You leaned further towards him, foreheads almost touching, forcing him to look at you. "I won't accept your apology unless you do."

"Jeez…" His face was a beautiful crimson, reminding you of fresh strawberries. You would've bitten into him if you weren't trying to teach him a lesson. "I… I love you." The words came out soft, anxious, nervous that you would reject him anyways. You hummed, looking up at the ceiling, pretending to think for a moment.

"Alright. I accept your apology." Naoya exhaled loudly, body relaxing as he felt victory overcome him.

"Finally—"

"But!" you interrupted, raising your finger and tapping his nose. "That doesn't mean I forgive you." Shock, disbelief, then agitation.

"What?! Why not?"

"I just don't. I won't forgive you unless you tell me that you love me more." Naoya groaned, falling back onto the sheets.

"Jesus fucking Christ—"

"Come on, Naoya," you cooed, swinging your leg over his hips, straddling him. He watched with wide eyes as you pressed yourself into his chest, cutely pouting down at him. "Don't you love me, bubby? Don't you wanna make me happy?" The nickname was what really made him flustered, his cock stirring at the feeling of your body pushed into his. He swallowed his arousal, trying his best to scowl at you.

"You're insufferable—"

"But you love me—"

"Jeez, yes!" he practically shouted, hands cupping your cheeks and forcing the two of you to keep eye contact. "Yes, I love you. I love you, okay?" His words made you quiver, a shiver rolling down your back and through your limbs as his words settled in. He sighed as he let you go, slumping back into the bed. "Are we done? Are you happy?"

"Hmmm… I guess so… but—" You wiggled your hips against him, making him sputter as you rubbed against his growing erection. "—just because I forgive you doesn't mean I'll keep dating you."

"Y/N, I swear to God, if you keep—"

You cut him off with a kiss, soft lips pressing into him as his words died out. He moaned quietly, arms wrapping around you and holding you snuggly against him. You could feel any anger left inside you fizzling out, the only heat left behind emanating from your core. You pulled away when he licked at his lips, leaving him hazy and disappointed that he couldn't deepen the kiss. You cupped his face, stroking his cheeks with your thumbs.

"Tell me you love me one more time and I'll stay." You saw his eyes glimmer with hope, and it shouldn't have made you as happy as it did. His hand found yours, squeezing it tight, worried you would disappear.

"You mean it? You won't go?"

"No, I won't, but only if you say it—"

"I love you," he said without hesitation, eyes sincere as he pressed his forehead to yours, noses kissing. "I love you so much, Y/N… please don't go…" It felt good to see him like this, desperate for you and your love. You wanted to see more of him like this in the future; you wanted to break down those walls completely so that this was the only part of him left.

"Alright, I guess I'll stay," you teased, arms slipping around his neck, "but only because it's too hard starting a new relationship." Naoya rolled his eyes, but he couldn't hide the grateful smile on his face.

"You're the most annoying woman I've ever met." You giggled, brushing your nose against his.

"But you still love me." You heard a vague 'shut up' as he pressed his lips back into yours, kissing you tenderly, lovingly. He rarely gave these kinds of kisses, usually hungry or holding back just a bit, but you were glad to find that he was relaxing with you, as if he finally felt safe with you. You sucked his bottom lip lightly, making him sigh and pull back, brushing your cheek as he gazed deeply into your eyes.

"I'm really sorry, Y/N." You could hear the sorrow laced in his tone, not completely obvious but still there. You sighed, giving a small peck to the side of his mouth.

"I know." He huffed, squeezing your waist.

"I'm serious," he insisted, hugging you tighter. You hummed, pushing yourself up to get a better look at him.

"Yeah?" you chirped, hands running over his pecks. You ground your hips down on him, smiling when you heard the strangled groan he let out. "Then prove it. Show me how sorry you are."

You heard him sigh shakily before he sat up, capturing your lips with his. His hands found the pulp of your waist, squeezing a bit too hard. Maybe he didn't believe this was really happening, maybe he was trying to ground himself back to reality so he could accept that you were here with him. Whatever it was, it didn't faze him for long. His hands were already crawling up your nightshirt, palms flattening against your soft stomach.

"I missed you," he mumbled against your lips, kneading your flesh as he climbed up your torso. "Missed you so much."

"It was—ah—it wasn't even a whole day—"

"I don't care," he breathed, sighing shakily when he cupped your breasts and gave them a squeeze. "I thought—shit—thought I would never see you again. Thought you'd disappear on me and move away or somethin." You couldn't stop yourself from snickering, hands tangling in his hair.

"Oh my god, Naoya, it wasn't even a few hours—"

"You say that like it matters." He tugged up your shirt, tucking it over your breasts and cursing silently. "I get upset when you're gone for twenty minutes."

"Do you—ah!" He took a nipple in his mouth, sucking feverishly as he fondled the other, hurried and anxious. "Do… Do you really mean that?" you breathed.

"Yeah," he sighed, tongue swirling around your hardened nipple before taking it in his mouth again. He sucked it a moment longer before releasing it with a wet pop. "I hate how much I miss you. Makes me feel like a sissy."

"But it's cute," you whined, guiding him to the other nipple, gasping when he nibbled at the soft bud. "I like hearing you say those things. Wish you'd be more honest with me." He scoffed against your skin, pulling back to gaze up at you, a trail of spit left behind.

"You're just teasin' me—"

"I'm not," you insisted, grinding against him needily, panting already. "I wanna hear those things. I wanna know how much you like me. It makes me feel special." Naoya paused, licking at his lips as he mindlessly played with your tits.

"Yeah? You… you like when I talk about this stuff?"

"Mm-hm." You pulled away just to tug your shirt over your head and toss it aside, pressing your bare chest against him. You slipped a hand between the two of you, grinding your palm into his cock, making him hiss in a breath. "Tell me more."

"Shit." Naoya guided you to sit flush against his thigh, urging you to grind your hips against his leg. "I-I think about you all the time, ya know that? It feels like—oh God—like I'm going crazy."

"Yeah? Whaddya think about?"

"Fuck, I—I don't know. Anything, everything. You're so pretty I wanna throw up. Your eyes, your hair, your lips—fuck, I love your lips—" His hand snuck down into your shorts, breath hitching when he discovered that you weren't wearing underwear.

"That all? You only think about how I look?"

"No, I—fuck—I-I think about all of you. How smart you are, how you make me laugh—you're so nice, ya know that? Do you have any idea how sweet you are? God, I feel like I could get a fuckin cavity just thinkin bout you." He cursed when you whined, gawking at how your hips bucked into his hand, begging for more.

"More, t-tell me more, baby."

"Shit, uh—" Naoya struggled to come up with something to say, too focused on how this was getting you off, how just his words alone were making your cunt weep into his hand. "I-I hate when other people look at ya. I hate when they talk about you or eye you up, especially when I'm right there. Makes me wanna fuck you right in front of em, let em know that you're all mine, nobody else's—fuck, c'mere—" He grabbed the back of your neck, smashing his lips into yours and moaning loudly. You keened, arching your body into him, hopelessly humping his hand and grinding your clit against his palm. You could already feel your orgasm building, that delicious heat coursing through your veins coming straight from your cunt. You probably could cum from this alone, but Naoya pulled his hand away before you could attempt to do that. You whined when he let you go.

"Shh, don't worry, princess. I'm gonna take care of ya." He tugged roughly at your shorts, almost throwing you off of him trying to get them off. He squeezed your thighs once he tossed the shorts to the floor, falling back to the bed and pulling on your hips. "C'mon. Want you to sit on my face." You froze, blinking down at him.

"Your… your face?" Naoya hummed in confirmation, trying to guide you up his chest again, but you didn't budge. "I—w-wait, we've never—I-I've never—"

"Never what?" he almost snapped, clearly impatient to get you on top of him. He watched you sputter, hands wringing each other, eyes looking anywhere but at him. He blinked, staring at you for a moment before his eyes narrowed. "You've never—have you ever sat on someone's face, baby?" You felt your cheeks burn hot, body curling in on itself, desperate to hide.

"I… I mean…" You couldn't come up with an answer, and Naoya groaned after a moment.

"You've never sat on anyone's face, baby? Am I the first one?" You huffed, covering your face with your hands, struggling to hide your embarrassment. It felt worse when Naoya practically moaned at your flustered state, grabbing you and forcing you to move up his body. "Fuck, that's so hot, so fucking hot. Gonna be the first one to have you like this, the only one, shit—"

"Naoya, w-wait, hold on—"

"Don't make me wait, baby, I'm so fucking hard right now. Just wanna taste ya, just want you on my face, c'mon—" You tried to reason, to put some distance between you so you could talk about this, but all you could do was gasp as he kissed up your thighs and nosed your clit. Your breath hitched when he moaned beneath you, tongue darting out to lick you from entrance to clit, sucking the hardening bud into his mouth.

"Mmm, fuck, baby," he groaned, pulling back to gaze up at you. "Taste so good, ya know that?" You squeaked, covering your face with your hands.

"Shut up. You're embarrassing."

"C'mon, princess." He pressed a kiss to your upper pussy, nuzzling the fatty mass, smirking into your skin. "You were so eager about me talking earlier, but now you're actin all shy? What happened?"

"That—you weren't in this position before—"

"And? You look better from this angle, anyways—"

"Naoya—"

"—but it'd be a lot better if you weren't hovering." You tensed, glancing at him from between your fingers.

"I… I'm not hovering."

"Oh yeah? Then how come I gotta crane my neck just to taste you? Gonna have to go to the chiropractor if you keep this up."

"Naoya!"

"Aw, c'mon, baby." His hands ran up your sides, squeezing your tits momentarily before pulling your hands away from your face. "You know I'm only teasin' ya, but I'm serious. When I tell ya to sit on my face, I mean—" He tugged your hips down suddenly, making you lose balance and land flush against him. "—sit on my face."

The whine that left you was so pornagraphic, needy and lewd, making Naoya groan in response. He didn't waste any time, flattening his tongue against your chubby pussy lips, slipping past them to lap at your clit. You mewled, breath hitching, hips trembling, struggling not to dart away from his touch. It's not like you really could if you tried: Naoya had a death grip on your waist, forcing you to stay planted on his face.

"Tastiest—fuck—pussy ever," he groaned, his words mumbled into your cunt. His eyes bore into you, fierce and hungry. "Never gonna get over how good you taste. Don't wanna taste anybody's pussy for the rest of my life but my girl's."

"Y-Yeah?"

"Yeah." His tongue pushed into your entrance and wiggled around, strong hands keeping you from squirming out of his grasp. The slurping sounds he made were absolutely obscene—you'd be mortified if anyone could hear the two of you. It was all so overwhelming—his tongue, his strong grip, the way his nose kept bumping on your clit—that you couldn't take much more attention. You hiccupped as you grasped at his hair, tugging harshly so he released your clit from his swollen lips.

"Shit—what—"

"I need your dick," you interrupted, hoping he couldn't hear the waver in your voice. His pupils widened, but his brows were still furrowed as he licked his lips.

"I'm not done yet—"

"Pleeeeaase, Naoya," you whined, grazing your fingernails along his scalp, making him shiver. "I'm tired of waiting. Want it now." His cheeks turned scarlet, mouth quirking into a smile. You knew just what to say to get your way.

"Oh yeah? You want this fat cock, baby? Want me to stuff you full?"

"Mm-hm," you agreed in a high pitched tone, lip jutted out as you nodded. "Want you deep inside me, baby. Wanna feel you in my tummy."

"Fuck." Naoya dove back into your cunt, sucking your clit hard for a few more seconds before letting go, loosening his grip on you. "Lay down for me, baby. Gonna make you feel so good." You flopped onto the bed quickly, grateful that you wouldn't have to stay in such a compromising position any longer.

Naoya hurriedly pulled his shirt over his head, tossing it onto the floor before moving onto his shorts. He struggled to shimmy them off, eventually kicking them to the floor before sighing with relief. He turned on his side, grabbing your hips and turning you to face him.

"Lay on your side, like this. And—" he grabbed your thigh, lifting your leg and draping it over his waist, "—keep your leg up here." You scoffed, surveying the position he had you in.

"What're you up to?"

"The fuck you mean?" He hooked your knee over his elbow, grabbing his cock and running the head through your folds, hissing at how warm you were compared to him.

"I mean… w-why are we like this? Like what's with this position?" 

"What's wrong? Can't a guy try new positions?" He aligned himself with your entrance, pushing in slowly, sighing shakily as he moved forward.

"I-I guess, but—ah—it's just so random, y'know?"

"It's not random, I—" His hips met yours and he huffed, his breath hitting your face, eyes unable to meet yours. "I just… I dunno, I just wanna do it like this, okay? Wanna be… romantic or whatever. Wanna make love to you." You could feel your heart pound in your chest, eyes searching his crimson face, waiting for the punchline. When none came, you cupped his cheeks, making him look at you.

"Then go on. Make love to me."

That was all he needed. He pulled back slowly, rocking his hips forward, trying to keep his breathing steady as he got used to the feel of you. In truth, he'd never get used to you. Your cunt was always so soft and inviting, warm and wet and molded to his shape. It was like putting on a glove that felt like a second skin, like it belonged there, like there was no reason for it to be removed ever again. He wished he could stay inside you like that forever, keeping himself warm in your perfect pussy. He didn't even need to cum, didn't even need to be hard: he just wanted to be connected to you like that, so close together that you could crawl into each other's skin.

God, he sounded like such a simp.

"Mmm." Your soft moan broke him out of his trance, eyes flickering over your face, taking you in. Eyes hooded, lip bitten between your teeth—you were a vision. "It feels good, Naoya."

"Y-Yeah?" he replied, suddenly nervous, eager to please. "You… You like when I go slow?"

"Mm-hmm," you moaned, leaning forward to capture his lips with yours. He sighed dreamily into the kiss, eyes crossing ever so slightly when you sucked on his bottom lip. He swallowed a groan, struggling to slip his hand between the two of you and keep thrusting languidly at the same time.

"Mmm—f-feel so good, princess," he hummed, searching for your clit. You keened when his thumb brushed over it and he slowed his movements, focusing on the sensitive spot. His thrusts turned shallow, the head of his cock dragging over that spongy mass inside you, hitting it with just the right amount of pressure over and over.

"Shit, Naoya! Fuck, j-just like that, baby. Just—oooh—just like that." Your hips twitched, soon grinding forward towards him, meeting his thrusts. Your gyrating only increased your pleasure, fingers carding through his hair, tugging at the base. You giggled when you earned a groan in response, gasping when he bucked into you hard, still slow but suddenly forceful.

"Fuck—n-need you to cum, baby. Need to feel you cum on my cock."

"Yeah? You close already?" you teased, prepared for him to bark something back at you. But he didn't do that: instead, he just bit down on his lip, eyebrows furrowed as his hand sped up, concentrating on getting you to cum first. "Ahh—o-oh my god, you are—"

"Sh-Shut up, okay? Can't—fuck—can't help it, alright?" You moaned louder, wrapping your arms around his neck and bucking your hips into him faster.

"Fuck, that's so hot, baby. You gonna cum in me? Hm? Wanna cum inside your girlfriend?" You felt his cock throb at that, Naoya's hips stuttering at your words.

"Shit—d-don't say that—"

"Why not, babe? Does hearing me say stuff like that make you wanna cum?"

"You can't just—oof!" You suddenly pushed him onto his back, following him and landing on his chest. He was still inside you as you sat up, eyes wide as you continued grinding into him without a care in the world.

"C'mon, Naoya. Cum for me. Wanna feel you fill me up when I cum." Naoya swallowed hard but nodded, fingers frantically rubbing your clit as you thrust your hips into his. Your movements allowed you to keep hitting your g-spot, sending sparks through you as you chased your high.

"Shit—babe—this was supposed to be about you—" Your moan cut him off, eyes flittering over your hunched frame. The sun was starting to rise, the bright rays beaming in through the curtains. You looked like an angel in the growing golden light, your sweaty skin glowing. You were panting above him, moans and gasps growing in pitch by the second, your hips moving faster, more desperately until—

"Oh fuck!" you whined, head tossed back as you came. Your cunt pulsated around him, squeezing him so tight he thought he would pass out. He was already close before, but feeling you cum around him was sending him straight for the edge. Just a few more thrusts and—

"Shit—I-I love you, Naoya."

It felt like he had been punched in the gut. His body caved in on itself as the air left his lungs. He gasped, desperate for air as his balls emptied inside you. He grabbed your hips, urging you to keep grinding yourself on his cock, helping him ride out his high.

"Jesus fuck—ohmygod, fuck, baby, love you, I love you, love youuu—"

You stared in awe as he shuddered beneath you, eyes squeezed shut, teeth gritted shut as he choked on his groans. You slowed your hips, your orgasm fading as he started coming down from his peak. He was panting heavily, lips bitten raw, body flushed from exertion. You smoothed your hands over his chest, coaxing him to breathe steadily and calm down.

"Holy—sh-shit—I—"

You shushed him, leaning down to kiss him tenderly. He returned your kiss happily, sighing as your lips melded together. His hands moved to cup your cheeks, large palms cradling your face as he kissed you. Your hearts began to settle as you peppered kisses over each other, soft chaste pecks that you thought only existed in movies. Naoya slumped back to the bed, sighing and wrapping his arms around you, pulling you down to your side with him.

"Jesus," he mumbled, nosing at your hair lovingly. "Don't think I've ever cum that hard before." You giggled, nuzzling into his neck.

"Or that fast—"

"Hey," he said sternly, giving your thigh a light slap as a warning. "Ain't my fault."

"Hmm. My pussy's just too good, huh?" Another slap, this time to your ass, making you jolt and laugh louder.

"You're such a smartass. You're lucky I love you or else I'd make you sleep on the floor." You let out an exaggerated gasp, pulling back, pretending to be shocked.

"Rude! I'm an angel and you know it." He merely rolled his eyes, kissing you for the thousandth time that morning. You welcomed it, legs wrapping around him, tangling themselves with his own limbs. Naoya released your lips, keeping his face close, breathing shallowly.

"Can you say it back?" You blinked.

"Say what back?" He huffed, squeezing his arms around you tighter.

"You know…" You stared at him as his cheeks turned a rosy pink, realization dawning on you with each passing moment. You kissed his nose, pressing your forehead to his, hands cradling his head and neck.

"I love you too, Naoya." He relaxed with that, sighing and burying himself into your chest. You pet his hair, chin tucked on top of his head, your breaths synchronizing as time passed.

"I'm sorry," he mumbled a little while later, barely a whisper. His voice was surprisingly fragile, as if he could fall apart at any moment, as if he still didn't believe you forgave him.

"I know," you whispered back, pressing a kiss to the top of his head. You didn't point out how he inhaled shakily or how his arms tightened their hold around you. You just laid there with him, warming his cock and combing your fingers through his hair. "I know."

"You got everything?" You hummed in acknowledgement, nodding your head. Naoya arched his brow, staring down at you. "You sure? Once we leave, we're not coming back."

"I'm sure, Naoya. Do you have everything?"

"Yes."

"You're sure?" Your tone made him pause, his brow furrowing as he glanced around the room. He couldn't find anything, so he pat his pockets, frowning after a moment. He opened his mouth to speak, closing it once you raised your hand and presented his phone.

"You minx," he snarled lightheartedly, snatching his phone from you and shoving it in his back pocket. "What else did you steal from me?"

"I didn't steal anything, bubby. I grabbed it so you wouldn't forget it."

"Yeah, whatever. You ready to go or what?" You giggled and nodded, taking his outstretched hand and following him out of the suite and down the hall. The elevator ride was fairly quiet, three other people joining you on the ride down. The two of you stayed at the back, hands intertwined, Naoya's thumb rubbing into you, grounding himself. He hesitated once you got to the lobby, but after a quick glance out of the elevator—confirming his father wasn't there—he walked out with you, hand in hand. You were almost at the exit when he slowed down, squeezing your hand to get your attention.

"I gotta do something real quick. Wait here."

"Wha—" Naoya put down his suitcase quickly, walking off to a nearby seating area in the lobby. You stared curiously as he walked up to someone sitting down. Once she turned around, you realized that it was Keiya. You watched as he bowed to her, staying still for a few moments. You couldn't see their expressions very well from where you were, and you definitely couldn't hear them, so your curiosity began to eat away at you. You waited patiently, only left alone for a minute or two before Naoya bowed again, walking back to you with his hands in his pockets. He reached you soon enough, grabbing his suitcase before taking your hand, guiding you out of the building.

"What was that all about?" you asked as soon as the doors behind you closed. He seemed to have not heard you so you shook his arm, grabbing his attention.

"Hm? Oh! It—um—it was nothing."

"Come on, Naoya," you huffed, pushing yourself into his side. "We need to start communicating better. How else are we gonna build a healthy relationship?" Naoya scoffed, rolling his eyes, but he couldn't say no when you pouted like that.

"Fine… I was…" He took a deep breath, avoiding your gaze. "I apologized for how I acted yesterday… and how I've acted in the past… That was all."

Something bloomed inside you—hope, perhaps?—and you grinned wide, hugging his arm tightly.

"Aww, Naoya! That's so mature of you! Who knew you could apologize without being forced to?"

"Oh, shut up—"

"No, I'm serious! I'm very proud of you, bub! So proud of my handsome boyfriend." He huffed but his face burned just a bit, his cheeks bright.

"Jeez, calm down. How do you have so much energy? We've been up since, like, five." You shrugged, releasing his arm just to take his hand again, swinging your arms lazily as you waited for a cab to pick you up to take you to the airport. Naoya stared at you from the corner of his eye for a bit, quietly bringing your hand to his mouth and kissing the back of it. You glanced at him, giving him a sweet smile, the kind that always made him melt.

"...I love you," he mumbled quietly, hesitantly, the words still a bit foreign on his tongue. Your smile grew and you leaned in towards him, kissing him on the cheek.

"Love you too, Naoya."

[midnightsxxvi]

In Vino Veritas (Part 2)

Summary ─ Bucky never thought there’d come a day where you’d stop bothering to even ask him to come to Friday pub nights. You’d given up, but one night he shows.

Pairing ─ bestfriend!bucky  x avenger!reader

Warnings ─ fluff x angst. mainly fluff. alcohol use. pet names (doll; baby; sweetheart). Some cursing??

A/N ─ Hi ! I just wanted to say thank you so much for the love on the first part?? This is my first little fic on here and I feel very welcomed ♥ Let me know if there are any warnings I missed or if y’all want a part 3? Otherwise, I do have a few fics in the making and I you stick around ♥

Part 1  

Word Count: 4.6k

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Your table finished a whole two other rounds of trivia. Sam had won the next round, ordering your table some free cheese fries. There was a lot of cheese at the table tonight. The topic for the round was Movie Facts, which Sam was surprisingly amazing at, and unsurprisingly, Steve was horrible at.

Even though Bucky was just as lost as Steve, he helped you anyway, grinning every time he’d give an answer because it was very clear that he had no clue what on earth the question was even talking about.

You’d both gotten comfier, drinking a little more and allowing the trivia questions to be a sort of icebreaker between the two of you. That felt ridiculous, considering you usually weren’t so weird around each other, but whatever.

“What’s the first rule of Fight Club?” He squinted at your phone, “Easy. B. Don’t talk about it.”

The question was a truly easy one. Most people would know the answer even if they’d never seen the movie. You grinned, “Yeah, but how’d you know that? Sam make ya watch it?”

“Never heard of it,” he admitted with a shrug and a drink, “Just seems like a good answer. Don’t talk about your club dedicated to fighting. Why would you tell people about that? I sure wouldn’t.”

You burst out laughing, resting your forehead briefly on his shoulder, feeling him chuckle alongside you too, proud to make you smile.

The last round you participated in was Literature, which Bucky was actually decent at. You knew he liked to read, but you never thought he knew so many facts about Jane Austen or Stephen King.

“You clicked the wrong answer!” He feigned shock and reached over to tap the correct one which was asking Stephen King’s old pseudonym. “What kind of name is Robert Bluebell?”

“Bluebell sounds pretty. If you’re going to pick a fake last name, wouldn’t you want it to sound pretty?”

Bucky was still pretending to look at you like you were crazy, “He’s a horror author, who cares?”

“Well, the name Richard Bachman doesn’t scream horror to me.”

Bucky shook his head and leaned over even closer to you, acting as though he was just trying to get a better look at your phone. “Okay, next: What are the names of the Bronte sisters? Oh yes, don’t worry, doll, I’ve got this,” he winked at you.

He did not “got this” but that was okay. You didn’t mind at all when the answer was wrong because he groaned and momentarily squeezed your hand as he played up the role of a sore loser.

Truthfully, he didn’t care too much either. He just wanted an excuse to hold your hand.

Even if just for a moment.

Despite him knowing the occasional fact, no one at your table won. Some lady named Kate at another table did, and you all watched in a melodramatic bitterness as she claimed her free drink.

“Couldn’t even get her friends an appetizer, huh? Had to claim the free drink?” Sam shook his head. “I’d never do that to you guys.”

You huffed out a laugh. “You did last month.”

Bucky was all smiles, his nose scrunched as he giggled, your heart soaring as you watched.

Because Natasha was not playing much, she was the first to get a little tired of the night. She’d started leaning on Steve halfway through the Literature round, and when she declined ordering another round of drinks, you knew the night would come to an end soon.

“Sleepy, Nat?” Steve put an arm around her in a jovial manner.

She checked the time on his phone, “A little. But if you guys want to stay another round–”

“We’ll survive without another,” Steve shrugged, “The area in my brain that stores fun facts is getting jumbled up.”

Sam chuckled, “Or you just suck.”

“Dare I remind you that I won a round, Sam?”

You really did not want to head in yet, despite feeling a little tired yourself. Sure, tomorrow you and Bucky would continue on in the morning, sharing breakfast and maybe going to the training room after, but it was nice to just feel close to him in the booth all evening. The alcohol had given him the freedom to loosen up his body; he’d been physically relaxed, resting alongside you more and more as the night went on.

It didn’t feel like it had been long enough; you wanted just one more second to hold onto the feeling. Why did it feel so forbidden to want the feeling of his body against yours in a way that shouldn’t matter? Yet it did.

The feeling of him mattered. In the most irrevocable way.

Sam nudged Nat, “Want me to order a ride?”

“You sure?” She eyed all of you.

You nodded, “Good with me.”

Bucky quickly drowned the last few sips of his drink and then nodded. “Yup.”

While the food all night had been free, the drinks that had racked up on the tab still needed to be paid for. You were already reaching for your purse, “I’ll pay the tab. Think it’s my turn, hey?”

But then you felt Bucky’s hand on your forearm, “I’ve got it. Least I could do.”

“No, no, we invited you for a good time so–” You started protesting but he shook his head and shot you a little lopsided smirk that was all you needed to stop speaking.

For the first time all night, as though no longer in the trivia trance, Steve and Sam were eyeing both of you weirdly. Nat had been eyeing you weirdly all night, but that was kind of a normal occurrence.

“You do realize we get paid by the same guy, huh?” Sam pointed out, referring to how you all worked under the Stark name, a literal billion dollar company, and were in no financial competition with each other.

Nat gave him a subtle nudge as if to say shut it.

“Exactly,” Bucky pointed out as though agreeing with Sam before he gave your arm one last squeeze and pulled away, “I’ll pay. You guys book the ride. Gimme a sec.”

He stood and fled to the bar to do so, leaving the four of you and a plate of only a few remaining fries.

As you all waited, Steve leaned forward, resting his elbows on the table, looking at you pointedly. “I think he’s had fun.”

You did not know why he was just looking at you, but replied, “I think so too. Do we think he’ll come again?”

“That guy is definitely showing up again,” Nat grinned, closing her eyes as her head pulled back against the booth. She looked rather content with the evening. “I haven’t seen him smile this consistently before.”

“Yeah, at most he gives me a couple chuckles and then moves on,” Sam said as he worked away at booking an Uber. Who knew the Avengers took Uber? (Avengers: They’re just keepin it real!)

“Maybe you’re just not funny,” Nat told him, her eyes still resting.

“Says you.”

Steve spoke your name and nodded to you, “You sure got a few laughs out of him, hm?”

“Must be the mead,” you shrugged.

“Must be.” Something in his eyes though said differently.

Before he could continue, Bucky had shown back up at the table, zipping up his coat and looking at you all pointedly. “Ready?”

“Mhm,” Sam left his phone open on the table as he put on his coat, “It’s two minutes away.”

Nat slid out of the booth after Sam, linking arms with him. Steve quickly stole a fry before following, and you quickly after, holding your purse and shoving your hands in the pockets of your fall coat, not looking forward to the cool air outside.

Bucky was not one to lead the way in social situations, so the other three started heading out, but he lingered slowly with you, the last one to get out of your spot. It was a nice surprise, seeing that he continued to stay alongside you out of the booth, both of you walking side by side to go meet the Uber.

You kept your hands in your pockets, fingers picking nervously at your skin, as he kept his hands in his own pockets, clenched in fists as he bit his tongue from saying something stupid like, I had fun tonight.

Neither of you ended up saying anything, only occasionally bumping elbows as you left the pub. The Uber ride home also was pretty quiet, Natasha half asleep on Sam’s shoulder, Steve looking up movie fun facts on his phone so he’d ‘know better for next time’ even though he never did, and Sam was quiet and content.

You watched Bucky as he watched out the window, his eyes not tired as the others, but curious and wide. You wondered where his thoughts were at.

Once home, Sam and Steve hugged you and Bucky goodnight, Natasha mumbled a half asleep, “Night,” before Steve walked her to her room.

The quiet of the residential corridors in the compound was quite the juxtaposition from the pub not that long ago. You felt a slight ringing in your ears, rubbing at them, hoping it would go away soon.

Before even going to your room, you stopped in the kitchen to get a glass of water. You nearly dropped the glass when you turned from the cupboard and realized Bucky was still behind you, waiting in the dim kitchen.

“Sorry,” he slurred, eyeing you and then the cupboard before walking over to grab himself a glass.

As you poured yourself a drink, you reached your hand out for his glass in a silent notion of an offer. He looked almost smitten as he passed it to you and accepted the simple gesture.

You swung your purse straps over your shoulder again and held your glass, ready to leave. “You stayin’ up?”

He slowly licked his lips, realizing he didn’t have a set course of action. “Uh. Dunno.”

This earned a giggle from you, which caused him to light up in response. “Tired?”

“Not really,” he admitted, eyes on you.

A few options probably went through both of your minds as you stared at each other. You felt flushed, a smile growing for no particular reason other than that he was starting to smile too, his teeth perfect as his cheeks dimpled.

“Uhh, would you, maybe–” he swung his hand around in some effort to find words.

“Want to come to my room and watch Fight Club?” You blurted out.

Somehow, his smile increased. “Yeah. Yeah, I’d like to.”

Before making the move to leave, you paused and looked at your glass, then glanced at the cabinets. “Want more to drink?”

“I’m still pretty…” he waved his hand around again, a blush increasing.

“Drunk. Yes,” you nodded. “Still want something? I don’t have access to the asgardian shit.” Because you wanted something for yourself, you didn’t wait for an answer before peeking in the cabinets. “Looks like we’ve got like five different wines and a bottle of tequila.”

Bucky scrunched his nose. “No tequila.”

You held a bottle of wine. “Red?”

“Sure,” he smiled and grabbed some wine glasses. “Classy.”

“I think so,” you smirked, trying to hold onto the water glasses, your purse, and the wine bottle. “Ready?”

You could’ve sworn he looked you up and down, a satisfied smile slowly appearing. “Lemme carry the bottle.”

───※ ·❆· ※───

Even though there weren’t many other people on the floor to worry about, you both went as quietly as possible to your room as though you’d wake someone. It felt fun, tiptoeing down the hall, the two of you stifling back giggles that wanted to erupt even though nothing in particular was funny.

You unlocked your door and rushed him in like it was a mission, but unlike a mission, you actually started giggling when he ran in all silly, closing the door behind you.

It wasn’t like it was his first time in your room, but it wasn’t a common occurrence. Still, he found himself comfortably going to sit on your bed as if that was a normal thing, kickin’ off his shoes.

You didn’t realize you were staring while he took off his coat, throwing it on the back of your desk chair, until he was looking at you again. Quickly, you darted your eyes and put your own coat away.

“Gonna change quickly,” you muttered, “t’somethin’ comfier. Wanna borrow something?”

He patted his jean clad thighs and laughed, “Don’t think your little pj shorts would fit me, doll.”

To your dismay, something of a whimper came from you over his response. Luckily, you found distraction in going to your closet door first, “No, wait, I think I actually have some of Steve’s athletic shorts.”

“Why do you have those?”

“Spilled a drink on myself one night and he happened to have them with him,” you were giggling again, digging around in a folded pile of laundry, “I was drunk, okay, and it seemed like a better idea to wear this guy’s comfy sweaty shorts than my beer smelling jeans for the rest of the night.”

“Please tell me they still aren’t sweaty,” he groaned.

In response, you threw the shorts at him. Of course you’d washed them since then, just never having given them back to Steve, but Bucky still let out a squeak of shock as the shorts hit his face.

“I’ll be one sec,” you laughed, going to change and leaving him be for a moment.

Once you arrived back, in some lounge pants and a matching tee, you felt your heart race seeing him seated on your bed in such a laid back way, making himself at home as he went through a streaming service on the TV. More wine had been poured and resting on the nightstand.

“We messed up,” he looked your way, eyes quickly darting over your comfier outfit, “Fight Club isn’t even on here.”

“Oh damn,” you sat beside him yet slightly back, your back resting on the headboard.

“Guess I have to leave,” he sighed melodramatically, “Such a shame.”

You nudged his thigh with the side of your foot, “Just pick a different movie, idiot. Wanna watch a Stephen King one?”

“I think you mean Richard Bluebell?”

“Bucky,” you laughed and he turned enough to look at you, a teasing grin plastered on his face. “Have you seen It?”

“Huh?”

“It. The movie. The Stephen King story. Killer clown.”

He leaned back, resting on his elbows, not yet scooting up so that he could sit beside you against the headboard like a normal person. “Oh, that one. Hm. Nope! Don’t get it.” “I don’t know what to do with this answer. Wanna watch it or not?”

Still, he didn’t give a solid response, his right hand waving around as he spoke. It seemed as though Drunk Bucky enjoyed talking with his hands. His vibranium arm holding himself up, the bicep flexed in the position, he said, “What’s so scary about clowns, huh!”

“I think the scary part is that the clown is using his position to lure in kids. It’s about the murder of chidlren, Buck. Seems scary enough to me.”

He blinked up at you, “Wait, have you seen the movie?”

“Nope.”

For some reason, this pleased him. “Oh fuck yes, lets watch it then. FInally, something you know just as much information about as I do.”

“I mean, I know some things!”

Finally, he adjusted himself to sit closer to you, fulfilling the want you’d had since inviting him to your room; the want to feel him simply sitting flush beside you again.

Ignoring the racing feeling in your heart, you used the remote to find the movie which luckily was available this time, but you already knew that, which is why you brought it up in the first place.

You felt as Bucky breathed out a laugh, “Do you like scary movies?”

“Sorta. This has been on my to-watch list for a while, but I just didn’t want to watch it alone.”

He faked a little pout, and it killed you, “Aw, babyy, you can handle fighting against people actually trying to kill you but not this?”

The pet name, unused before this moment, was killing you just as much. “I- listen, in a fighting scenario I have control over my body and I am confident in controlling the situation. How am I supposed to control a demonic clown from trying to kill children! That’s horrifying!”

“It’s okay, baby,” he briefly patted your thigh, “I’ve got you. I’ll give that clown one look and it’ll go running.”

“Oh my god, Barnes, love yourself more than that–”

He laughed, tilting his head back a bit, “I meant because I like to think I’m intimidating, not ugly!”

“Oh fuck,” you blushed, “I mean– please don’t ever think that I think you’re ugly! Oh gosh, I’m sorry I–”

“So then you don’t think I’m intimidating?” he teased.

“Yes! I mean– NO! Or, I don’t know? Fuck, I–”

“I’m just messing with you.”

You continued to ramble, “You don’t intimidate me. But I think you do a good job of intimidating others? Please don’t ever think I’m scared of you. Oh god, and please, again, know that I would never think you to be ugly!”

“Okay, okay,” he laughed, pulling your hand into his vibranium one to calm you down. “I get it. I’m a decent looking dude who doesn’t scare you, but I can scare away a demonic clown. Sounds good?”

“Decent looking?” You gaped before even thinking about what you were saying. Sipping on more wine was not helping.

His brows shot up and he was back to smirking, “So we’re back to thinking I’m ugly then?”

“No,” you groaned, your palm coming to your forehead, “Stop running me in circles. Give yourself more credit, you’re a beautiful man and–”

He titled his head to the side, “Beautiful, huh?”

“Christ,” you huffed, “I’m starting the movie now.”

He just laughed lightly, giving your hand a squeeze. You faked an upset expression, trying to hide the fact that his hand over yours was a feeling you never wanted to let go of.

“Don’t worry, sweetheart, if you get scared, I’m right here, hm?” You didn’t know what was up with the new pet names he was trying out, but you didn’t mind. His tone was slightly teasing, but he didn’t let go of your hand and you knew there was truth there.

He’d be perfectly happy to have you find comfort in him as he had with you so many times. Even now, in the cozy walls of your bedroom, buzzed and warm and next to his favourite girl, he allowed himself to lose tension which didn’t happen to him often.

───※ ·❆· ※───

It shouldn’t be a surprise that Bucky was not that freaked out by the film. As horrific as Pennywise could be, Bucky’d seen—experienced— worse. Honestly, you had too, but that didn’t stop you from jumping during the couple of jump scares. During some uncomfortable points, you’d even groaned uncomfortably, playing it up by covering your eyes. The thing was, Bucky knew you were playing up the fear you felt, but he tugged you closer anyway, enjoying the excuse to have you in his arms.

By the time it was over, the wine bottle was empty and your legs were draped over his as he held you in his arms.

The credits rolled and as the movie effects wore off, you realized that it wasn’t the most normal thing between you to be cuddled up with your cheek pressed against his chest.

“Hmph,” you groaned, not caring if he realized you were disappointed. “All done?”

You could feel his rumble of laughter, closing your eyes and embracing it. “There’s a second one, yeah?” He asked you, his thumb absentmindedly rubbing along your arm.

“What time is it?”

He leaned a little bit to get a look at his phone. “Shit- nearly two. I wasn’t suggesting we watch it tonight, but there is still more story for another time.”

You hummed and sadly removed yourself from him, stretching your arms up for a moment. You did not see the look in his eyes watching you, but you could feel it.

You lulled your head side to side in an attempt at a stretch, but you just felt loose and tired. “Can we watch the second one some time, though?”

When you looked at him, Bucky's eyes were soft as he watched you, almost curious in a way. It felt strange that he held your gaze for so long. You almost felt shy, like you should look away, but those blue eyes of his were something you needed more of, so you wouldn’t give this up.

“Yeah,” he finally said. “Please.”

“Please?”

So subtly. A smile. “Yes. I use manners sometimes.”

You didn’t respond, only watch him, doing your best to not look directly at his lips.

Which— fuck— were so pink and full and begging to be kissed.

The thought of kissing Bucky was not something you indulged in often. You two just weren’t like that. That was off limits. He was off limits. That had to be some sort of Avengers rule right?

Well, sure Nat and Bruce were a thing once, somehow, and there was Wanda and Vision, but you were certain the others would find it odd if you did something similar. Natasha and Bruce were a weird thing in the end. You remember talking to Steve about that, thinking what the fuck. Surely, the others would think the same if you made a move on Bucky.

You made the decision to block feelings for him a very long time ago. Only knowing each other for a short period of time, he still set something off in you. He made you feel fiery, and whole, and you didn’t want to risk a damn thing.

“Um,” Bucky cleared his throat, shifting uncomfortably and looking away as though he’d read your mind. “I should go to bed.”

“Same,” you inhaled. “Hey, is it cool if I skip our morning run?”

“You’re telling me you don’t want to go on a walk in five hours?”

“My bad. That is exactly what I want.”

He chuckled and started scooting off your bed. “Yeah, sweetheart, we can skip it. Sleep in, okay?”

“Woah, you’re also skipping? James Bucky Barnes, skipping a workout?”

Bucky couldn’t stop grinning despite the tiredness that was now evident. “Yeah, yeah.”

You watched him stand, stretching his own arms. “Can we still meet for lunch?”

“Of course.”

“Okay.” You pressed your lips together, not knowing how to say goodnight.

He seemed to figure it out though. Surprisingly, he leaned and gave you a gentle kiss on the crown of your head. “Message me in the mornin’ if your hangover’s bad, okay? But have a good night, doll.”

You hummed, hating the loss of him against you as he headed for the door. “Goodnight, Buck.”

“Goodnight,” he gave you one last soft smile before leaving.

Just like that, you were alone. Half drunk in your bed, credits playing, and everything felt like some weird dream.

What was all that? What did it mean?

You went to brush your teeth, getting ready to fall asleep, a million questions running through your mind. Would he come to the pub again? Did he even want to watch the next movie? Did your cuddling make him uncomfortable? Maybe he doesn’t actually want to get lunch tomorrow, and is just being polite.

Back in bed, you stared at the ceiling in the dark, brain still buzzing and full of life despite being tired.

You just heard the normal sounds of the compound, the whirring of air con and the other mysterious clicks and all.

Someone walking by the door at night wasn't an abnormal occurrence, but you still sat right up when you heard the echoes of footsteps outside your room.

The footsteps got closer and halted; you weren’t stupid, and you were a trained assassin, so it was clear someone was directly on the other side of the door and it was pretty obvious that it had to be Bucky. Something lurched inside of you and you scattered off your bed to the door, not caring how weird it would look if you went to open it on your own as if waiting. Maybe subconsciously you were waiting,

The knock came quietly, just a couple taps, and you turned the knob without a care.

“Oh,” Bucky breathed out, shocked to see you answer so fast. “Sorry, I wasn’t sure if you’d still be sleeping or not.”

You felt out of breath, “I was gettin’ there. Heard footsteps.”

“Sorry.”

“Don’t be.”

Bucky’s lips were parted, his eyes almost afraid. “I just need to tell you something.”

“Okay.”

“A-and maybe it's because I’ve been drinking, but I still mean it, and I’ve been wanting to tell you this for a long time.”

You still had your hand clutching onto the doorknob, watching him carefully. “Okay.”

He took in a wary breath, then breathed out your name, and began, “You mean everything to me.”

His eyes had that rare hold on you again, the affection coming through more than the fear. You couldn’t even say a word. Only watch.

“I had an amazing time with you tonight,” he continued. “And I’ve been wanting to join you for months, but couldn’t just get the damn courage to.”

“There was nothing to be afraid of,” you interjected quietly.

He shook his head, “I was afraid that if I came along, I- I don’t know, maybe I’d see you be hit on by someone, or maybe I’d make some sort of fool out of myself in front of you, or maybe I’d have an amazing night just like I did and maybe I would just have the hardest time stepping away from you.”

You blinked a couple times. “What?”

“Ever since I met you, all I’ve wanted to do was make you happy. You are like some sort of fuckin’ sun in my life and I just want to soak you up every single day and just feel you and- wait not like that– wait, kind of– oh fuck, wait–”

“Buck,” you reached for his hand, which drunkenly was waving around. “Did you rehearse this?”

“Sort of,” a blush went to his cheeks. “Wanna hear the end or is this already weird?”

“Please finish.”

He licked his bottom lip, all the fear in his eyes gone because at this point what else could he lose? “I love you. I- I’m in love with you, and I think I have been for a really long time.”

Bucky couldn’t really read your expression; you probably just looked lost or confused or even scared. So after a moment of silence, he gulped and muttered, “That’s all. Um. I’m sorry for keeping you up–”

Before he knew it, your lips were on his, cutting off anything else he was going to say. It felt too hard and silly at first, your nose bumping against his, you uncomfortably straining yourself to reach his height. The moment wasn’t ruined though, because he was smiling, and you were too, and before you knew it his hands were around your waist and he was leaning down a little more and kissing you as soft as ever. Bucky fit against you perfectly, and you’d never felt more content as you did with him in the quiet hallway, at two in the morning, with your lips on his.

[awoken-artist]

{Work Created on   Oct 13, 2022   }

🌸 Please Do Not Steal, Trace, Use AI on my work, steal and sell my works for NFT's, and Repost/Resubmit my Works. Thank You. 🌸 Yep these two are back and I am honestly thinking of making a Instagram account focusing on the two cause why not [which I'll add to my carrd website for you guys to check it out down below] ANYWAYS SO YEAH MORE CONTENT OF THESE TWO. CAUSE I CAN the timeline here is with FMA Brotherhood where Ed visits Winry getting work on his automail before heading off with Greedling and the chimera guys. This does pop up in the story that is still being written about these two and I have been working on it off and on for years and just want to perfect the story before submitting it at least. So Emmy couldn't sleep after over hearing with Greedling and Edward about the fact that it would be best to leave Emmy behind [and it was during the trip heading back to Resembool] because knowing how the humunculi are they'll go after anyone who Edward cares about the most and do anything they can to keep them in their clutches. Winry was one of the hostages they planned to use on Ed and the worst gets when its Emmys life in the line as well. Emmy has fought her hardest even though she hasn't completely healed from the mine injuries she received that was not pleasant at all. luckily the injuries wasn't too serious to cause permanent damage but she was horribly hospitalized with limited supply but pulled through and went to the doctor the chimeras took her to like they did with Edward. Emmy couldn't sleep she had so much thought going on as she was worried when Edward leaves it'll be the last she sees him, of course she's worrying so much since she's used to tagging along with the brothers, especially Ed. So it will be the first she is separated from them until they return back home. Edward had a feeling she's been acting very off and decided to finally confront her and by luck they were completely alone in one of the rooms to talk in private. Which is something they rarely get to have between them since so much has been going on with everything that has happened. Edward assures her of a promise that he'll come back alive because he never plans on dying, because he has everyone waiting for him even his brother to count on him to get his body back and he never plans on dying what so ever. Emmy just wants to spend as much time with him as possible just the two of them, since this was a rarity they ever get privacy and time alone with themselves as life granted that as they were alone for the rest of the night. I love how this came out. I did my best making Edward in vroid the best I can. I do wish there's FMA outfits I can use on him but there hasn't been any that popped up that was decent and good which saddens me. [i even looked up on any models anyone made of him and its nothing but old models that doesn't even look good, i applaud to them however for trying.] I plan to make more content with the two again I just been very busy, got large commissions to work with still but its getting there. I do have old EdxEm arts I plan to redraw. I still have the large fanfiction of the two to work on as well as I plan to do a FMA 2003 series version and conqueror of shamballa version. Plus brotherhood since I like to give a variety for those who like brotherhood, for those who like the 2003 series. So yeah! :3 hope you guys enjoy!!

-------------------------------------------------------------

🌸Artwork © by: @awoken-artist 

 🌸Character Emmy Rosenthal © by: @awoken-artist 

 🌸FMA and character Edward Elric owned by: Hiromu Arakawa 

 🌸3d Model of Edward Elric made by: @awoken-artist 

 🌸Programs Used:🌸 

 ♥  Clip studio paint EX - Adding shadows, 3d background tool, finishing touches Vroid - Made my FMA OC model in along with making Edward Elric in it as well. 

 ♥  3d Background I used from Clip Studio Paint 

 ♥  VRM Posing Desktop I used for setting the poses and angles on my 3d models of Ed and my FMA OC  

[eaucian]

Hi can I request Alpha Ushijima coming home to see his pups and his mate (male) reader sleeping peacefully in front of the still on television because they’re waiting for him. Deep inside his swelling with happiness so he just joined them dozing off in the process. also if you’re accepting anons can i be 🌙 anon?

★ lovebirds

impt. alpha!ushijima x m!reader

sum. ushijima cares way too much about his family... and maybe is a little tired after a whole day of being outside, without his family. so when he goes home to see his mate and two little pups curled up together on the couch, what is he to do other than curl up right next to them?

wc. 632

w. none but softness and fluff~

n. hello my darling 🌙 anon. i will always be accepting anons, unless i state otherwise! I hope you like what i’ve written and thank you very much for requesting ♥

also, i’m not too sure how long you’d want it, but i just did a little drabble. i’m sorry if you wanted something longer! but i hope you like this anyways-

It was late in the evening when Ushijima finally made it home. 

He loved his job, don’t get him wrong, but he loved his family more.

The day hadn’t been horrible in the slightest, he simply missed the scent of the people who were his, and the comfort of seeing you smile and say silly things to your two babies, who were only a few months old.

He walked in making sure to be quiet, just in case you were sleeping. Sleep was a rare thing nowadays with the pups, and whenever it came it was taken graciously.

Walking to the living room to see you laying on it, something still playing on the tv he could never pay attention to if you were sat next to him, his lips curved into a smile you’d normally kiss the corners of. He had washed up before coming home, wearing a fresh pair of clothing and smelling like himself again.

He couldn’t help but approach you, only to see when up close that your pups were cuddled to your chest, one cradled into the crook of each arm.

He ran a gentle hand over your little boys’ head, which funnily enough, almost held no hair. It was a soft touch Akemi only leaned into, he didn’t fuss. That was more his sister’s job.

He placed a barely there kiss to each of their little heads, before giving one to you as well. One that slightly stirred you from your sleep, the scent of him and his presence after hours of missing him being a factor at play as well.

“Toshi?” You mumbled, barely awake. You made sure your little boy was balanced on your chest before removing your arm to rub at your eyes.

“Go back to sleep,” he said, kissing your lips this time, your own responding to the familiar feeling.

“Wha- no, you're home now. I have to. . . do something with you,” you trailed off, sleep was obviously still the first thing on your mind. “Okay, no yeah, sleep sounds good,” you said before your head fell back onto the pillow it was previously resting on.

Ushijima chuckled before his attempt to squeeze himself onto the couch, preferably beneath you, to cuddle of course. Cuddling time with the husband was a must.

He managed it while balancing your daughter, Harumi, in one arm, softly pushing you to lay your head on top of his legs with the other.

Harumi fussed, eyes matching Ushijima’s own opening wide to stare at her father. If it were anyone else, they might’ve thought she was glaring at them, Ushijima knew better.

“Pa,” she grumbled, lazily hitting at his chest. He repositioned her so she was laying on her stomach against him.

Maybe she liked listening to his heartbeat. She was out cold in a matter of seconds.

You on the other hand, had Akemi glued to your own chest, an arm gently wrapped around his small body.

“I love you so much,” your husband whispered. His hand was resting along the line of your hip.

His words were a promise. A rule that without following, may as well lead to the end of the world.

It was something so utterly amazing that always made you feel like you were on cloud nine. So much so, that even in sleep, you knew it to be true.

He couldn’t help but stare down at you, the still setting sun painting you to look more beautiful than normal. Painting you to look like something he was extremely lucky to have.

Then he looked at his kids, his pups. They were a mix of you both in every meaning of the word.

You were his, and he was yours.

He couldn’t be more lucky.

He couldn’t be more in love.

[toloveawarlord]

Ch. 2

♥ Pairing: Kumi Hirayama x Kazutora Hanemiya (Eventual) & Ran Haitani x Kumi Hirayama x Rindou Haitani

♥ OC summary: Kumi thinks she understands love. Her relationship with Ran Haitani is exciting, thrilling, full of luxury, and occasionally, a little bit frightening. But as her relationship takes a turn, testing her so called love, she meets Kazutora at her brother-in-laws pet shop. A boy who challenges her definition of love and self-worth.

♥ Tags: @luka-ali

♥ Story Warnings: 18+ Sexual Content; Themes of Manipulations; Dubious Consent; Unrequited love; Gang Violence;

♥ Chapter Warnings: 18+; Smut; Fingering; Exhibitionism; Choking; Public; Penetration;

♥ wc: 3k

♥ a.n: Kumi is slowly becoming one of my favorite ocs ever. Enjoy!

Something smelled really good.

Kumi had decided to return to her own apartment when Ran inevitably had to return to work. The hours that he had spent with her were amazing. He woke her up with sweet kisses and a dozen roses as an apology for leaving her. They'd drank the most expensive wine. He'd kissed every inch of her body and the sex was hours of pleasure.

She had plenty of marks on her skin as proof of how much he loved her.

Kicking off her shoes, Kumi had expected to find her annoying older sister in the kitchen, ready to lecture her about something stupid, no doubt. But instead, it was him... the boy from the pet shop with the unforgettable golden eyes.

"Kana didn't tell you, did she?" Kazutora asked, noting the way that his new roommate looked at him like an intruder. He was a little uncomfortable with the entire situation. Of course, he was grateful to Kana and Chifuyu for being so generous and helping him adjust to life outside prison, but moving in with her little sister was...

Difficult.

He disliked how much she'd affected him after meeting one time. Kana trusted him a lot more than he trusted himself.

Ah, so that's what all those missed calls were about. "I don't answer her calls when I'm with-" She caught herself. Never... when with Ran. Kumi had kept her relationship with him a secret for various reasons. "...my friends."

Golden irises flickered to the hickey on her neck. What a horrible liar. "Do all your friends leave marks on your neck?" Clearly, she was taken, which meant he had absolutely no right to look at her with intent. She was just so pretty.

Oh shit. He'd definitely pissed her off.

"Fuck you. Why are you in my apartment, cooking a meal like you live here." Kumi wanted to storm off, like she always did. But who the fuck storms off in their own home with a stranger inside? A very handsome... very fuckable, stranger... but still a stranger. The girl hadn't had such strong physical attraction to anyone since Ran.

He was her everything. Gorgeous. Sweet. Loving. A god in bed.

Somehow, Kumi imagined that Kazutora would be the gentle type.

Kazutora had nearly burned his rolled egg, too occupied with stealing glances of her. "There was a problem with my place. Kana offered... insisted, that I take her old bedroom for the time being." Living with a beautiful girl, who was also taken by another guy... nothing sounded more miserable. But he'd needed a place to stay.

"Of course, she did. She doesn't live here. She can't just make decisions for me." Kumi frowned. Giving her sister a piece of her mind would only be a big headache. Kana treated her like a child, incapable of making any decisions. She was much too tired to deal with any of it.

As the quiet fell between them, her stomach growled obnoxiously loud. Wine and sex hardly filled the stomach. God, how fucking embarrassing is that? Kumi wished nothing more than to melt into a puddle on the floor and disappear.

"Here, I'll make another." Kazutora offered the rolled egg, hoping it to be some kind of peace offering. He couldn't blame her for being mad. Who would want to be a roommate with someone like him? Even if she didn't know what he'd done...

"This doesn't mean that I like you." The words left her mouth without much thought. So fucking cringe. No wonder everyone thought she was a bitch. Her soft side only came out around Ran. Everyone else was noise that she ignored. Her heart protested, as if she desired to have him like her. "I mean... thanks."

He could recognize a part of himself in her. The younger him that pushed every person away because it was safer to be alone.

"Is that your gaming computer?" He'd been instructed to move it by Kana, but it didn't feel right to take apart a custom-built gaming station.

The egg tasted so damn good, probably because she was starving and a little hungover. Stuffing another bite into her mouth, huffing a little to not burn her tongue, Kumi nodded her head. "I guess I should find a new place for it." It would be strange to hang out in his bedroom even if he were there.

Him lounging on his bed in only some loose sweatpants, casually watching her play the latest first-person shooter game in her skimpy pajamas. He'd get interested and suddenly be right behind her. Voice in her ear, giving her some advice. They probably kiss.

"Kumi?"

Oh fuck, was she staring? Fork halfway to her mouth, looking much like a bitch in heat. Getting a hold of herself, she cleared her throat. "Yeah, it's mine. I'll move it out of your room." To where, she had no idea. Sure, the apartment was huge, but she couldn't game just anywhere. The conditions had to be perfect.

"It's a cool set up. I can tell you built it from scratch." He'd love the chance to build his own gaming computer. Although, he was likely out of touch with all the new components. He didn't have much access to the latest articles and magazines with updated information. He liked that she had those skills.

She shrugged her shoulders. "It's not done. The graphics card could be upgraded, and I need way more storage in order to download the latest games and not have any lagging." It was a never-ending process, but she liked doing it. Especially since Ran gave her a black card with his blessing to buy whatever she desired.

Kumi wasn't the kind of girl to run around shopping all day and spend thousands of dollars on the daily. Sure, she bought more lingerie than the average girl, but most of her purchases were gaming related.

This was it. This was his in. Kazutora could be a friend to someone, if only gaming partners. "Maybe we could play sometime."

"Sure. I'm down." It wouldn't hurt to have a second player. Her online buddies would definitely welcome him. Pushing the empty plate away, she yawned, standing from the stool. "I need some sleep. Uh... later, I guess."

Having a Kazutora as a roommate was going to be fucking challenge.

<< << << << << <<

Buzz. Buzz.

Kumi slapped her hand around the mattress until she found her phone. Her other arm was numb. She'd slept hard. Even with her eyes closed, the screen burned her eyes. "Hello?"

"Did I wake my kitten up? I'm sorry."

"Ran!" Her heart leapt at the sound of his voice. Kumi sat up, throwing the covers off her body and stumbling from the bed. "I'm awake."

The desperation in her voice was amusing. "I'm close to your apartment and thought we could go out for dinner. It's alright if you're too tired, kitten. I know I kept you up late." He wanted to make her frenzied, distraught at the very thought of missing a date with him. Ran had her on a tight leash without her even knowing.

"I want to go! Please come pick me up-"

"Wear that little white corset dress I bought for you and some pretty heels for me. I'll be there in fifteen."

The phone call ended abruptly, but Kumi was brimming with delight. A date! They were going out on a date. Ah, that sounded wonderful. His work had become increasingly busier, and the pair mostly met at his penthouse.

Dressing in the exquisite white dress with off the shoulder straps, Kumi found her favorite pair of red heels to add a little color. She wanted to stand out when with Ran. Girls were constantly throwing themselves at him. And who could blame them.

A god among men, really.

Fifteen minutes was hardly enough time to properly do her hair, but Kumi made do. A straightener easily used to add just a little curl to her bright, blue locks. She was one cloud nine, humming to herself.

Until she remembered.

Kazutora.

She doubted that Ran would appreciate another man living with her. It set panic into her. The night would be ruined if she told him, but not telling him was just as scary. What the fuck was she supposed to do?

Not tell him.

No, she couldn't deal with a confrontation tonight.

Rushing down the stairs, Kumi paid little attention to her roommate lounging on the couch. It would be best to meet Ran outside, to make sure there was no chance he saw Kazutora, the boxes, or anything that would bring him inside.

Kazutora, however, had a hard on after watching her strut around in those heels and skimpy dress. She looked like a goddess. Whoever had her was one lucky guy. He needed a fucking cold shower.

Outside, Kumi nearly smacked right into Ran coming through the front door of the building. "Oh-"

His arms encircled her, steadying the girl. "This is unusual. You're never ready when I arrive." Hell, she was stunning. The perfect little piece of ass he needed. It was easy to see that something had gotten her in a rush. Violet eyes narrowed, attempting to discern what may have been the cause.

Lie. Lie. Lie.

"Well, I-" Kumi bit down on her lip, wishing that she'd had an excuse thought up. He'd usually lean against the bathroom door, simply observing her finishing dolling herself up for him. "I didn't want to make you wait."

"Kitten," Ran cooed, hooking his index finger under her chin to lift her head up. This was new. Kumi hadn't ever tried to make such poor excuses. Whatever it was, he'd have to teach her a little lesson about lying to him. "You've one more try, and if I don't believe you, you'll not like the consequences."

If he found out now, god only knows what he'd do. Kazutora could wind up dead.

"I was rushing because I didn't want to risk you getting called into work again."

That wasn't a lie at all. Kumi hated when their plans were derailed by his job. She wasn't aware of what his work actually was. Of course, Kumi knew that he was a Bonten executive, but she never asked questions. Growing up around all the gangs in Tokyo, she wasn't so stupid as to inquire about Bonten's business.

Violet eyes peered into pastel blue ones, judging the sincerity of her words.

He'd accept that answer.

Whatever else she was hiding, he'd soon reveal. She'd meant what she said, and that would be enough for now. Perhaps, he'd make a game out of it. It could surely serve as a way to get Rindou what he wanted. It was deliciously adorable how she perked up when she assumed that she'd fooled him.

Kumi melted into the tender kiss that she received. Thank god, he believed that was all. "Can we still go?" Her heart fluttered at the charming smile that he gave her.

"Of course, kitten."

A private, corner booth in the VIP section of a new five-star restaurant.

Ran brushed his hand through her light blue locks, tongue sliding over his lips. "Did you do as I asked, kitten?" Drinks hadn't even been brought to the table, but he had to punish her a little. What better way than this?

And her head bobbed so happily, not aware of what he had planned at all.

"Good girl. Now, bend over the table. I'm going to fuck you."

Kumi watched as Ran easily shoved the table closer to the other side of the booth to give her plenty of room. Her gaze shifted away from him, eyeing the rest of the restaurant. No one could see them...

"Three... two..."

He chuckled at how she nearly leapt up from the seat, bending her body over the clothes table. The short dress rode up, revealing that she hadn't worn any panties. Exactly how Ran wanted it. At least she could follow directions.

"Spread your legs."

Each command followed like the good kitten that she was.

Ran lazily reached up to play with her cunt, fingers dragging through her folds and dipping into her pussy. She had a nice body. Small enough that he could pick her up and throw her around. Decent size breasts, not the biggest but enough to play with.

"Ah-"

"Excuse me. Can I get you any drinks?"

Kumi's eyes went wide, mouth open from a soft moan. Ran didn't stop, either. He simply pumped his fingers in and out of her wet pussy, asking for a Mont Blanc as if his girlfriend was bent over the table with her ass up.

"And for the lady?"

"Go on, kitten. Tell him what you want." He curled his fingers, finding that spot that lit her up. Kumi let out a filthy mewl, already close to an orgasm. The little quiver in her legs told him exactly that.

She wanted to hurry and tell him so that he'd leave, but for the fucking life of her she couldn't remember a single drink that she liked.

Ran sighed, removing his fingers and wiping them on a napkin. "She'll have a glass of chardonnay, whatever you recommend." He waited only for the server to step away before slapping his hand against her ass. "That was rude, kitten."

"I'm sorry-" Her eyes rolled back as he sank his cock into her. Kumi shuddered as her walls stretched to accommodate him. A high-pitched moan fell from her lips, fingers gripping the cloth of the table to have something to grab.

"You can make it up to me. Fuck yourself on my cock, kitten. I want you to do all the work tonight."

God, it was fucking pathetic how quickly she started to push and pull herself on his dick. Ran had imagined that she would hesitate, knowing there was a restaurant full of people that would surely hear her.

This kitten was all his.

"That's it. Make a mess, pretty girl."

He was so big. Kumi struggled to keep a steady pace, but her mind was gone. It wasn't enough to be split open. Harder. Faster. She wanted him to break her. "Ran- Ran-"

"You feel so fuckin' good, kitten." He smacked his hand against her ass that jiggled every time she pushed back. Her cunt so wet that it was dripping down both their thighs. "Naughty little kitten, desperately fucking yourself on my cock in public."

Kumi dropped her head down, only to have his hand entangle in her locks and jerk it back up. She choked out a moan, a poor attempt to keep her voice from radiating through the restaurant. The thought that the others could hear her both mortified her and also excited her.

Ran kept a handful of her hair in his fist, forcing her back to arch. "You made it," he greeted his brother with a grin. This was another step toward molding her into the perfect little cocksleeve for the two of them.

"Jesus, is she in heat or something? I've never seen something so fuckin desperate. Couldn't wait till after dinner to have your cunt filled?" Rindou slid into the seat across from them, eye to eye with the barely dressed Kumi. Her tits nearly falling out of the dress, mouth parted with drool dribbling down her chin.

It was impossible to look anywhere else. With Ran holding her head up, Rindou was all that she could see. That muted expression of disgust on his features. Kumi felt heat flood her cheeks.

The sound of his cock entering her pussy over and over filled the space, skin slapping against skin. She had to cum. Even with Rindou right there, all Kumi could focus on was how fucking amazing Ran's cock felt. "Mm- n’- Ran! ‘m- s’close."

"Were those even real words?" Rindou cocked his head to the side, tongue pressed into his cheek. He was fucking angry as hell that he wasn't the one fucking her right now. One measly blow job wasn't enough. "Your slutty kitten wants to cum."

Slutty kitten.

Kumi gasped for air when Rindou's hand latched around her throat. His face only inches from hers. "Do us all a favor and fuckin cum already so I don't haveta listen to your fucking whining." He spit in her open mouth. "Swallow it."

"Alright, kitten. I'll give you what you want. Here's a lesson for you, Rindou. Sweet little Kumi can't cum without her clit being touched. Isn't that right, kitten?" Ran released her hair, moving his hand down to rub harsh circles on her clit.

Fuck. Rindou was even fuckin more pissed off that he hadn't gotten to fuck her now. He could edge her all he wanted with his cock and make her beg. "Hey, Kumi." He waited until her gaze focused on him. Ran had told him to be nicer to her. "You're pretty cute, for one of Ran's kittens."

That was enough to fry her brain. The table creaked as Ran took over pounding into her, abusing her swollen clit. She couldn't mutter out a response at all, nor process that Rindou that actually complimented her. No, only garbled nonsense spilled out from her mouth while she clamped down around his cock.

It felt so fucking good. Kumi lost all sense of where she was. If it weren't for Rindou's hand squeezing her throat, she'd be crying out for the whole place to hear. Her vision went white, unable to breathe.

Ran settled the girl on the seat beside him, arm wrapped around her waist to hold her close. Her drink sat untouched on the table for some time, the brothers having a conversation like Kumi hadn't just been fucked over the table.

"I'm tired of waiting," Rindou said, shifting uncomfortably from the damn hard-on that he had. The way she was the moment, she probably wouldn't even know it was Rindou fucking her if he did.

"It won't be long. I suspect that a few little gestures will get her to come crawling to you. It'll be so much more satisfying when she wants it." The seed had already been planted. Ran could use whatever she was hiding to push her towards Rindou. Make her trust him.

And then she'd be fully trained. The perfect little fuck toy for the Haitani brothers. Willingly do whatever it takes to keep them happy.

[scarfacemarston]

hey darling! I wanted to tell you that I really love your page and all your discussions, audios and theories !!! really *chef kiss*

It's nice to see someone still dealing with interesting topics on rdr and above all analyzing the characters in a little more realistic way♥♥ ️

I wanted to ask you a little opinion on one topic: what do you think of Dutch's behavior towards Molly? And above all in your opinion how Mary-beth felt in front of the attentions of man, even when it happened in front of Molly herself?

Thank you so much!!

Hey! I'm SO sorry this is so late. I finally have some time for myself. I hate how Dutch treats Molly. There is no excuse for it. I think he used her up and discarded her exactly as Molly pointed out. I don't know how Molly would take an actual break up besides being heartbroken and angry. Would she leave the gang - and go where? Would she stay with the gang and accept what's happened? Dutch was never clear or upfront. He stringed her along, but he did at some points appear to love her. We saw the extreme lengths she went to try and keep Dutch's affection and how that ended. I don't know if she still would have gone that path if he formally broke up with her or not. I want to say no? Or maybe, I hope she wouldn't. The way he approaches Mary-Beth is also very creepy. However, Mary-Beth is the adult and if she chose to return Dutch's affections, then fine. It would be horrible for Molly, but it wouldn't be so creepy for Mary-Beth. The power dynamic makes things difficult even if she does decide to pursue the relationship.

There are so many interpretations with everything. I am not saying I believe this, but that these are other ideas: At its creepiest, does Dutch think about every new woman that approaches the gang? Does he view them as a potential romantic partner in the future, or do they join the gang and then Dutch develops feelings and or lust for them? Or is none of this true and it's just a coincidence? I was very disturbed how Dutch appears to "trade in" the women for a younger or prettier one. It makes me if he did this with anyone else in the gang. Would he have tried to flirt with Jenny next? I think she was the youngest woman. Mary-beth would have been traded in as well. I struggle to read Mary-Beth a bit. She seems flattered in some instances and uncomfortable with others. Of course, her position is very difficult because while I don't think he would harm Mary-Beth in any way at all, he still holds power over her. I think at worst he'd hold a mini pity party and be passive aggressive about it. To me, it's the judgement of the gang that would be the worst part. Would they be sympathetic? Would they be upset? Would they be neutral? Or would it be something like "Oh, there Dutch goes again." It's not a great example to anyone. People have said the gang has similarities to a cult, and I agree. This is something cult leaders do, however, you don't have to be in a cult to do this sort of behavior. So those are just a few ideas of mine!

[halt-kun]

Hunter x Hunter Chapter 9 - A Struggle in the mist

So let’s begin Volume 2. I hope I can finish both this one and volume 3 in the few weeks to come to get myself a nice Christmas present in the form of more HxH Volume I’ve never read before. (Really I made a wise choice to keep the manga somewhat out of reach until a dire hiatus such as the current one happened)

One of my favorites volume covers. Kurapika and Leorio are nice but look at Gon’s nice change of clothes. Red and ribbons suit him well. I need to see that one day.

TOGASHIIIIIII

WHAT IS THAT

This Satotsu is oddly realistic, is it the mouth ? Why does he have bedhair ? Satotsu ? Where did you spend the night ?

This is a ttrpg party that either went way off-route or just pissed off the game master. The view from above made me instantly think of that.

The few players still alive : A MURDEROUS CLOWN ? But I thought we were in some marsh ? 

GM: Yeah that’s where murderous clowns live, they evolved in this place and even though they are very close to humans in term of biology they had to adapt. 

The few players still alive : Are you still mad we left the tow because it was boring ?

GM: yes.

I’m glad we didn’t get the animation of people slowly bleeding out in pain.

Just appreciating minor character designs for now. I like nose piercing.

Are they trying to scare Hisoka or just motivate themselves ? I wonder what that tattoo means, I hope it’s something sweet.(french one ♦)

Hisoka is so graceful there, I mean, he is killing people but it’s elegant.

SEEE MURDEROUS SPADE (french ones : ♥)

I’m feeling for the poor guy that got killed just after wondering where he was cut and didn’t realize he wasn’t at first.

They are so anxious, I hope it won’t worsen their trauma too much.

I forgot 76 guy but I know he is a martial artist, the best Tonpa knew from the veterans of the Hunter exam. I wonder how he would fare against Bodoro or Leorio.

In the french translation he said : “ I can’t hold myself back from punching you just to get out of this without a scratch” and I like it a lot.

WHAAAAAT in the french it’s a club ! WHAT IS THIS TRICKERY ! I must check (I’ll put the french ones in between parenthesis ♣). 

SO SATISFYING (the POCK effect makes it even better)

LEORIO IS FLYING, his poor glasses (as someone who wears glasses I must insist that they should be broken but I can get over that)

I think Kurapika is questioning his life choices. Like why would he become friends with two people that put themselves at risk like that. We often say that Leorio is way calmer than Kurapika but he tends to get all fired up to punch people too. Especially when he is way above his league. (♦)

I’m appreciative of Hisoka not being too creepy there and strangling Gon high above the floor while looking satisfied as fuck.

This is the best Hisoka’s face (♥ ♦ did they change all symbols for fun in one of the translations ???)

Please let Hisoka make this face more often Togashi

(♦) Okay so in french he says : “Our respective companions are waiting for us”. Are you already somewhat a couple with Illumi, Hisoka ? How is your surprise prenup preparation going ? Have you planned it ? Also is Hisoka talking about Kurapika or Killua. I’m sure he noticed.

So now i’ll try to make every Hisoka’s comment to Gon and Killua about him trying to make them get along and potentially engage into a romantic relationship. (I’m already regretting writing that down)

Poor Gon. I always forget how much this is a major discovery about himself. How he likes the thrills of life and death situations even though at this point it’s just his first taste of it. He doesn’t realize how bad it can get. Sometimes I think it’s kinda Gon’s arc to experiment with that and find a way to choose wisely when and how to put himself into danger. After all it kept escalating until it ended horribly.

End of the chapter. I love Menchi ! I’m so excited to see her again one day. She must spend so much time doing her hair though.

So today we learnt Hisoka’s card symbol got changed for no reason and I don’t know which version did it. Maybe both ! But why all symbols. I’d understand if it were a few symbols to try and fit better to the translation but NO.

Have a good day lads !

[self-shipper-snowdrop]

Past and Present

Tagged by the lovely @cerise-skylines ^0^ thanks so much for thinking of me!!!!!

The picrew link is right here ♥︎

Past (Left): I’m going to call her Bunny- she… definitely wasn’t very happy. A girl leaving elementary, only about 12 years old. She was just starting to wear dresses, but only just barely. Her hair had been cut the year before, right down to a pixie style, and she didn’t like it even a little. It was starting to come back, but she still hated looking at herself in the mirror. She hated her freckles, couldn’t stand being a curvier girl, and she didn’t feel she know herself at all. Going into high school was a scary thought, but Bunny was leaving behind something horrible, so part of her hoped things would be better. Bunny had sad eyes, and didn’t talk much, and she was looking for something- but wasn’t sure what it was. She was just starting to really grasp a lot of things, even if she didn’t fully accept them, deep down she hoped that one day she would. Honestly, she needed a hug a lot of comfort, but was far too afraid to ask for any of it.

Present (Right): Now you have me! I’m at the end of high school now, basically a week away from that, and despite a lot that’s happened I would say that I’m far happier now. I have my hair long (but heck do I wish it was longer sometimes) and even if I’m not great at caring for it I dearly love my big, curly mess. I’m able to be as feminine as I want and never go a day not wearing a dress and lipstick, I wear my lovely rings and necklace every day, and I have accepted that I am a bit of a hopeless romantic. Just a little I swearrrrrr I’ve really come to grasp and accept a lot of the things I couldn’t over time, and I’d like to think I get a little better each day. I learned that you don’t have to climb mountains overnight, that you can have fun and just enjoy things without reason, and better yet- I can draw and write a lot better now as I keep practicing! Oh, and most importantly, I made this blog and found new friends, while also becoming close again with old ones who started to drift from Bunny. Ah, and in the spirit of pride month, since then I also accepted that I like girls and am bi ♥︎♥︎♥︎ and me being very feminine doesn’t change that one bit, and never will.

I tag uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh @wispy-selfship-eden, @rose-wine-selfships aaaaaand anybody else who feels like it! I’m still a shy bean aaaaa >_>

[swanimagines]

2019

Wanted to make a post to mark the end of this year. This is the last day when there’s still 2019 all around the world. If I made this post tomorrow, there would already be 2020 someplace in the world - and I’d feel like a fool to post this then :D

It’s the 30th of December and the time is 4:37pm here as I write this post. And this is a short summary of my year.

This year has been horrible in my personal life. I tried so hard to make this year good - maybe it was too much. 

Good things: I got my guinea pigs, I kicked my butt and apologized to one of my ex-friends for being so horrible to her. I didn’t expect her to forgive me or us to be friends again - but it happened and it’s like there was no time in between at all, as we laugh and joke just like before our fight. I moved into my “own” apartment. I watched all the MCU movies + X-Men movies + The Maze Runner movies (and I liked them all). 

Bad things: My fave nurse stayed on maternity leave in October and won’t come back till next autumn, she had her daughter just before Christmas. Two of my guinea pigs nearly died. I also had to give two of my babies away because of bloody fights (and I miss them every day :c I hope and believe they’re well though ♥).

---

ABOUT THE TUMBLR/BLOG!!

Honestly, this blog has been the best thing this year. I’ve felt so loved, I’ve felt like I matter, like I have a place to go when everything else feels like shit. I’ve felt joy when people whose blogs I have been following for years have followed me back, people have commented on my fics, spread my blog around, sent me nice messages and even made me gifts for Christmas. For the first time ever, I really feel I did something right when I decided to step into the world of imagines again - I’ve had many public blogs in Tumblr from regular Tumblr to photography Tumblr, from gaming Tumblr to art Tumblr. But none has ever been like this, like people interact with me and tell me they love my blog. My first two imagine blogs fell because I didn’t get any requests + my motivation died with the lack of requests, but when I did my DBH imagine Tumblr, I somehow knew that it’s what I wanna do. Even when I changed blogs along the way. 

I’m astonished and on the verge of tears at the same time, because a year ago, I wouldn’t have believed that so many people would follow me, request such beautiful things to me and tell me they like what I do. Trolls come and go regularly here too, but they rarely move me anymore, I don’t even think answering them anymore, I’m just blocking them and forget about them. That was very difficult for me a year ago but now I’m able to brush it off just like that.

Also, my friends M and N have been A HUGE support for me this year. They deserve every good thing in the world for bearing with me for this year. ♥ And they will get the best thing in the world (food) when I get to meet them!

Some people who have been part of my Tumblr year in some way and made it amazing:

@myriadimagines​

- Literally a goddess with staying in character. I don’t know how she does it but I vividly remember stepping into Sam’s blog for the first time a few years ago and admiring her ever since. + Sam’s super sweet!!! ♥ I love her comments. ALSOOOO I read her Jerome gift fic like 10 times a day at one point XD

@lotsoffandomimagines​

- Ace is super hard-working with their blog!! I love their blog and I enjoy seeing their work in my dash + Ace is super sweet too!! ♥ I remember how good it made me feel when Ace reblogged my wanted: requests post when my inbox was empty because they wanted to help. Also I was watching a movie when they published my gift and I was red and giggly for the rest of the movie XD Loved it ♥

@arthurofthebook​ 

- I’ve really enjoyed talking with you ♥ + Your comments on my fics always get a big smile on my face c:

@tessaisalbright​ 

- When you started to chat with me, you were the sorcerer anon! Remember? :D But now you’ve been there with your username and we chat sometimes and I always enjoy talking with you ♥

@kpopgirlbtssvt​ 

- I’ll always remember you as the person who requests a reader who’s sweet & innocent :D But your comments have brought a smile to my face + you’re always super understanding if I tell you that I won’t be able to do a request in the way you requested it/I suggest a tweak.

@oneofakindimagines​​ 

- I had accidentally unfollowed her at the start of this year(?), but fortunately I noticed my mistake! We’ve been talking sometimes with Molly and seeing her posts on my dash somehow gives me a warm feeling. Also I loved loved loved her moodboard gift for me.

@carolinesbookworld​​ 

- Caroline is a complete sweetheart I just wanna run up to and hug. Someone give me a private plane so I could fly over there or a teleporting skill. ♥

@arcadias-hell​​

- Zanyyyyy!!! ♥ She’s amazing. I’m not arguing about it with anyone. She’s amazing. (Also I’d need that plane/teleporting skill with her too)

@iknowmyvalue-fics​​ 

- Aaahhh she made me kick my own butt to request something XD The most terrifying thing in the world tbh (no don’t get it wrong, Ella is not scary, she’s amazing). + Ella pulls her fics from the magic suitcase of impossible things. Could someone teach me to write like that?

@connerkennt​ 

- Enna’s d e s c r i p t i o n s. I could go hours with talking about them, they’re a masterpiece on their own and I remember when I first came to Enna’s blog, I was reading her fics and my friend asked that did I get a heart attack or something because my eyes were wide and mouth open XD Haha, I guess the descriptions took me by surprise. + That Steve x reader gift made me feel like I’m really kissing someone! :D

@multifandomwriter121​​

- Aaaaahhhh their requests have been really inspiring + their comments get me to smile every time!!! + They feel nice too as I’ve chatted a bit with them!

(Btw they write too, go check that blog out)

Thank you for everyone for sticking with me this year, for liking, reblogging and commenting on my works and showing me love - I do this mainly because of you and the best feeling ever is when someone tells me they liked what I wrote. If I did this just for myself, I’d keep these behind closed doors and not showing these to anyone but I love the thought of making people happy with publishing these and it just gives me more energy and inspiration when I get comments. I hope you’ve liked what I’ve created this year and I hope you’ll stay here with me in the future too.

Here’s to 2020, be a good year!

[goddessofwasteland]

I was tagged by @tahpssi​ thanks dear ♥

Rules: answer 80-something questions and tag 20 people. Tagging: @snaked-lows @onlywanttobeyourequal @setosblueeyes if one of you is interested ♥

last?

Drink: water

phone call: my parents

text message: to one of my colleagues, discussing our Brunch on Sunday

time you cried: well, that was yesterday I guess

kissed someone and regretted it: nah

been cheated on: nah

lost someone special: not due to death if that’s what’s implied here (i’m just gonna copy this too)

been depressed: i’m not quite sure

gotten drunk and thrown up: nope, i know when i should stop

favourite colours? do i have to do five? cause i only got like black (contrast i know), pink and blue, all kinds of green i guess too

in the last year you have?

made new friends: a couple yes i think...

fallen out of love: more like crushes... it comes and goes i guess 

laughed until you cried: definitely! rather often if i recall

found out someone was talking behind your back: oh boy, i don’t know if it was last year or two years ago but yes, definitely

met someone who changed your life: one of my ex-colleagues who offered me a job in another city

found out who your true friends are: given that i only have like 5 friends i’m pretty sure i know them by now

general?

how many facebook friends do you have: I don’t have facebook

pets: unfortunately not

ever wanted to change your (birth)name: no i’m happy with my name

what you did for your last birthday: i stayed at my parents place, my bestie joined and together we made raclette oh and ate cake

time you woke up today: 5:30 am 

what you were doing at midnight last night: i was reading fanfiction

what you can’t wait for: my next holiday idk where i will go tho...

whatcha listening to: The Chain by Fleetwood Mac (actually i’m listening to the GotG soundtracks)

ever talked to a person named Tom: yes definitely, the kid from one of my uncles is named Tom

something that gets on your nerves: people in general, rude people/customer. i’m working in a hotel and let me tell you i could strangle a lot of people...

most visited site: ao3 i think, followed by tumblr or twitter

hair colour: light brown/blond balayage, i’m going to the hairdresser next week so who know’s how i will end up. still want hair like gamora ...

long or short hair: long

crush: ah yes

what do you like about yourself: my eyes, my hair, my nailes, this is very difficult ...

any piercings: no, due to work 

blood type: i have no idea actually. i always wanted to know but apparently you have to pay for this information in germany if you don’t donate your blood (which i can’t because i’m fainting everytime)

nicknames: Vivi, Viv and sometimes Lucy

relationship status: single

sign: capricorn

pronouns: she/her

favourite tele show: gilmore girls 

tattoos: not yet! got so many ideas tho

left or right handed: right handed

have you ever had a surgery: they had to remove my appendix when i was like 5 or 6? does that count?

do you want piercings: i’d like to have a helix but i’m afraid that my hair gets caught in it and i’ll rip it out or something horrible like this @@

Sport: i like badminton a lot and table tennis

Favourite holiday: as long as i am far away from germany i’m alright

trainers: Nike mostly

more general?

favourite dish: all kinds of pasta

favourite drink: i mostly drink water (this is unfair, i can’t decide, there is so much to choose from) 

i’m about to watch: Thor: Ragnarok

what i’m waiting for: Avengers 4

what i want: a pet :( and a lot of other things

get married: maybe if i find the right partner 

career: oh yes, i’m currently working on my first manager position so there’s that

which is better?

hugs or kisses: hugs, give me all the hugs

lips or eyes: both. both is good

shorter or taller: i’m short myself so taller would be nice

older or younger: i really don’t care as long as we are happy together

arms or stomach: again both. both is good

Troublemaker or hesitant: i really don’t know, depends on the situation i guess

have you ever?

kissed a stranger: nah

drank hard liquor: yes

turned someone down: yes

sex on a first date: no way

broken someone’s heart: maybe? i don’t know 

had a heart broken: yes

been arrested: hah no

cried when someone died: definitely

fallen for a friend: yes

do you believe in?

yourself: well someone has to!

miracles: no, there is to much bad happening in the world

Love at first sight: i’m uncertain on this one

santa claus: you mean santa isn’t real..?

angels: yeah, no i don’t think they exist

misc?

eye colour: blue/grey

best friends name: Jay and Miya

favourite movie: i’ve got more than one. i’ll go with LotR Fellowship

favourite actor: urgh, tough question ... i’ll go with Sandra Bullock

favourite cartoon anime: currently it’s Yuri!! On Ice

favourite teachers’ name: is there a favorite teacher though?

[treason-and-plot]

COMPUTER REPLIES, & REPLIES TO REPLIES

@simsophoniques

I wanted to cheer you up with the kindness of sims 3 people are because they are amazing characters to play!

Thank you so much. You did cheer me up! 

@tyrellsimsoficeandfire

I felt relieved!!!! I’m happy you can continue ❤️

@wannabecatwriter

It’s so good that your stuff is intact! And that the technicians were skilled enough to figure out what caused the problem.

@gaiahypothesims

I’m so glad to hear that the rest of your stuff it working!! AND its fantastic to get a new Graphics Card. I had my whole hard drive go the one time…. that was… not good. Computer stuff is so costly.

I know. The cost brought tears to my eyes, but it is a very decent card, and fingers crossed it will extend the life of my comp for a few years. Thank you for your kind comments!

@doka-chan

YAY ! So happy you still have the most important. And good luck, monday will be here faster than you know. ;)

@doka-chan​

Yay ! I like reading good news !

@acquiresimoleons

Excellent news :D

@holleyberry

That’s great news!

@princessdejamars

Awesome news……

@lilsisterg

So happy that it worked  out so well.

@simsmidgen

❤️

@tangie0906

Great news! I missed your earlier post. Seems like a lot of simmers all the sudden are getting PC problems. :(  *knock on wood*

Thank you!  ♥ I tried never to take my computer for granted, and I did mentally try to prepare myself for how I’d cope if it one day stopped working, because i knew it was inevitable. But it really was a horrible, desolate couple of days. I’m sure it’s unhealthy, but I love my Sims so much! 

@buckleysims

I am beyond relieved! This made my night. So happy right now! ♥

@muraisawesome

So glad there wasn’t any internal melting. The last thing you’d want is to have something touch your motherboard.

@lifeasasim

Good to hear!

@nocturnalazure

Yaaaaay! So happy for you!

@aminovas

I’m so relieved!!!!

@simbollocks

I’ll bring wine… lots and lots of wine… Awesome news though! Not on the price though… getting charged like the install something that takes a few minutes is never fun. I’m sure some of that cost is for the card itself, but I do know how much techs charge to install stuff too lol.

Yeah, it was quite costly….but he did get it to me 2 days earlier than predicted, so I’m very thankful for that. Windows 10 is such a bitch, though…God, I knew it was awful but really…a ridiculously convoluted permission system to access my own external hard drive? What the ever loving fuck??

@ninjaofthepurplethings

Fantastic news!!! :D

@nornities

Welcome back :D

@simbollocks

WOOHOOO!!!!

@elleinvogue

fuckin’ windows 10 such shite but yay for having your ‘puter back!

@craftywritelovessimblr

So glad your computer is better!

@sweetnovember77

Cheers to the freakin’ weekend 🍷

@acquiresimoleons

I’m super glad you got your pc back.  Good luck with windows 10, you’re gonna need it

@mysimsloveaffair

So glad for you!

@lifeasasim

Good to hear!

@aminovas

aw man! here we are all thinking Bunty is a heroine

lulz yeah i thought that was a misconception i should clear  up quickly 😉

@shhhushhh

I just saw it differently with Bunty. Like not only for the prestige or the fame but for his future whole. Like being concerned Saorise would stop him from going to college or leaving the town for playing for some famous football team and stuff. But she is your character, I just misred her motives 🤔

I totally see where you’re coming from, and I definitely see that her actions could be construed as being in Roy’s best interests, and that is what Bunty is telling herself too. But she is someone I quite despise bc she is so superficial and self-absorbed and I really wanted to communicate that to readers, and I felt like I had failed in that respect. So in the next couple of posts I doubled my efforts to show her true character!

[oxiosa]

 We’ve all thirsted over a professor, no shame on it~

I’m not sure about Tincho’s ex-wifes. Honestly I think it’s easier to keep it on random ocs, but I’ll admit I couldn’t help to think of Manu as his first ex-wife, with which he shares a kinda ok-ish relationship. She’d be very done with him but also fond of him ‘cause hey their marriage was very terrible once the honey-moon phase was over and they had a horrible divorce but she knows he is a nice guy, if a little insane and unbearable. Also she’d figured out he is gay and she very blatantly tells him so but Martín just thinks she is being mean and poking him on his “fragile masculinity” but joke’s on her, he is very sure about his sexuality (or is he?). The 2nd wife, idk honestly. We could use some other tan, but who’s be stupid enough to marry Tincho? No offense to Manu, or Lulu for the case :D

Oh, both his divorces were messy and ruthless for sure, and the lesson he got was his martín-ness was the ‘cause of it, he can’t even blame his ex-wives even if they are a bit of bitches with him. He has learn he is a very difficult person which indeed is a misery point ‘cause maybe now he feels he’ll die alone since he apparently can’t hold a nice stable relationship.

About the kids, I’m not sure?? I’m picky with kids ocs, particularly in this scenario. I’d say one kid on his first marriage, or maybe on both, just to keep the misery point count pumpin. But I wouldn’t give him more than three kids, it already feels a little too much to me. He does try to be a good father, but it is indeed very hard when he doesn’t have his own place and his exes are not particularly fond of him :(

I KNOW I CANT PICK LULU’S ROLE, SO MUCH POTENTIAL AAH. I thought more or less the same as you did, those are pretty much the basics.

Heeeeey @kurara-black-blog sure, this is an open discourse ♥ I’m personally digging more colleague Lu ngl. Just picture Art professor Lulu, who in contrast is very laid-back and relaxed and students love him ‘cause he’s very cool and very un-traditional. Lu and Tincho like to hang by the coffee machine, and both are very intrigued by each other since they seem to be so different but also alluring. But honestly they could also be neighbours, Lulu works with him and also is the neighbour who tends his garden barely dressed and Tincho just looks respectfully from the window lmao I’m letting Caju make the calls, since ultimately this is his AU, we’re brainstorming here.

Ok but now I can’t help Martín having a “wild gay phase” during his college years. He kissed and fucked all the boys but he’s very “haha I sure was wild kid, I used to get so wasted and kiss boys (gasp!), but you know how college is!” which is just… very stupid. Martín, you fucked boys because you are gay, it was not a phase. He’s not even in denial, he’s just plain dumb.

This is a nice change of pace~ So does that mean that in this AU Lulu is the one to get his little heart broken first? They’ve been at it for months and it is so obvious they both are into each other it’d never occurred to Lu that Martín’s very blatant flirty is a “bromance”. Which is fine, haha, Lu is used to casual affairs, it’s not like this has to be any different, yk, it’s not like his heart is breaking a little but he is hiding it ‘cause he still wants to hand around Tincho who still looks him with starry eyes and smiles fondly at him and takes his hand and even has stolen a peck one or twice haha

You don’t have to answer it now but I can’t wait until tomorrow to send this- BRARG WEEK OVER NEW AU TIME

So... older messy twice-divorcee with kids still confused about his sexuality Martin.... shall we?👀

BRARG SUNDAY EEEEEYYYY

Ok ok, let's start by making some foundations see where it takes us. Idk if you had anything in mind already, but we can always scratch and incorporate ideas

So, Tincho’s a university professor (yes Caju I saw that post), I’m thinking Literature or Art History. He’s the sort of passionate professor who is really inspiring to hear, you know this guy loves what he does. He seems very smart and very charming and very cocky, and honestly you’d never guess that actually his life is a crumbling mess :D

Below his very cool smug façade he is actually going through his *second* divorce, has no money since he has a lame salary and is paying for the trial, is battling for visitation time and idk paying child support, all while living at his parents’ house since he can’t even afford to rent some place for himself after his ex-wife kicked him out of their house. So he’s pretty much a loser who cries himself to sleep watching novelas and gorging ice cream except you’d never guess ‘cause he’s very proud and very good at pretending life’s great.

And this is where Lu comes in, the cherry on top of his life crisis: Martín thought he was straight but upon meeting this very handsome very charming guy he is not so sure anymore. Of course, he doesn’t notice his feelings right away, this needs to be a slow painful process in which Martín has been crushing on Lu for months, sharing a very flirty homoerotic "bromance" which is just plain obvious for everyone around them, before he goes “Oh shit I think I might be gay for this dude? Is it possible?? Me, a straight man????”