#she's also panicking because she has feelings for carmy and it's unprofessional and she judges herself too harshly

[all-men-must-die]

I'm obssessed with two things today

(btw this is a sydcarmy post)

1. When Syd tells him she needs his full focus she lowers her voice to a whisper (‼️) and when he answers he's also whispering; Nat shows up at the same moment and he says "I understand" in a low voice and then calls out to Nat in his regular voice. They sound SO MARRIED I'm going crazy

2. When they're under the table, Syd says she's afraid of fucking up and Carmy says "I fuck up all the time", then she says "Not like this". I MEAN

(putting on my tinfoil hat)

What does that mean????? I got the feeling Carmy meant fucking up exclusively in a work-related sense, like he did all throughout the season and in the past when she quit. I think she understands that's what he meant, but then she says "not like this", so what does she mean??? Could she possibly be talking about her feelings for him? She made a point of saying she was not jealous of Claire, but her facial expressions when she was saying this tell another story and that little "yeah?" when Carmy says Claire is great was just SO. TELLING. (HERE COMES THE TINFOIL HAT) So what if she got involved with a coworker before? Or she had unrequited feelings for someone and "fucked up" because she couldn't deal with it without getting things mixed up? Or what if a coworker had feelings for her and things got awkward because she didn't reciprocate? (bonus tinfoil points: that's why she's wary of Marcus).

Back in season 1, Carmy says the people she'd worked for said she's "impatient" and we see that with her offering the risotto to the food critic; Carmy is her boss and told her the dish was not ready, but she did it all the same (afterwards she is shown to be aware of her mistake and selfconscious about the whole thing because she tries to smooth things out with him by dismissing the review). When she brings him the dish she is also is visibly anxious while trying to play cool. I think all the little hints throughout the story so far show that even though she is avoidant and a bit emotionally repressed, Syd is very, very eager about things, and, like her father said, she always jumps head first into things; she's very passionate, very driven, and I think she would be capable of bulldozing through people to make things work and to realize her vision. At the same time, I think she FEELS things too much (unlike Carmy, who is also passionate, but a lifetime of trauma made him bury his feelings), and sometimes these feelings just come out to the surface without her bring able to stop them and I think that's what she meant when she said she was afraid of melting and fucking up; not exclusively work-related stuff, but also not being able to (in her eyes, at least) master her feelings and them getting in the way of her professional life.