#she's a little buff Cheeto puff

[i-lavabean]

[meltedbuttersblog]

goofy nicknames for twst cast :D

i originally sent these to @duskymrel but she said i should post these so here we are

heartslabyul

riddle: riddler, mr. president

trey: reddit nice guy (me), bread boy, oyster sauce fiend, peeta

cater: caycay the craycray, mr. chronically online, vil's aborted son /j

ace: little shit, asshat, acehole

deuce: big shit, double trouble, double bubble toil and trouble, bonk, cauldron

savanaclaw

leona: lil kitty meow meow, princess, regina george, apex predator (mean girls reference, meant to go with the regina nickname), munchies (ruggie, see his "grammy doesn't need fancy" vignette), sir snores-a-lot

ruggie: buggie wuggie ruggie, snuggie as buggie in a ruggie, reggie

jack: big buff cheeto puff, furry, handcrusher (back to my anime origins 😨😔), beast mode

octavinelle

azul: daddy (rook), monopoly man, stonks

jade: shroomie, mr. premeditated murder

floyd: chiropractor, mr. non-premeditated murder, psychopathic adhd

scarabia

kalim: big dick baby, death's best friend

jamil: x-games mode, sheryll's mexican neighbor (he seasons his chicken) (maybe just a little too much...)

pomefiore

vil: regina, heather, germy wormy ( /affectionate, cuz he's german)

rook: titty croissants, theatre kid (derogatory), theatre kid /pos, fox

epel: peepaw, meemaw, chicken fried by the zac brown band, good lookin' by dixon dallas (I CAN'T STOP LAUGHING WHEN I THINK ABOUT THIS SONG) (it's a very homosexual country song and it makes me crack up) (it used the word bussy)

ignihyde

idia: beta cuck, stinky boy (me: /j, /affectionate) (others: /srs, /derogatory)

(not including ortho cuz idk what to do for him 💀)

diasomnia

malleus: malicious malleus, gargling gargoyles (that would be a great catchphrase for him ngl), daddy (lilia but we don't talk about those many one or two times EVER.)

lilia: peepaw, serg (called serg once cuz he very sternly gave an order to player or smth and was like "if you're going to give me a military title, it best be general."), daddy (mal, but this time we do talk about it)

sebek: croc shoe, speaker, iida kinnie (player) (sebs has no idea what they're talking about 💀), sergeant

silver: sleepy, lil guy, kiddo (lilia), narcoleptic (me)

[certified-hunterfucker]

Rank your characters from least to most likely to survive a horror movie. Show your work (offer explanations). Happy Spooky Month!

HI HELLO

dear lord okay lets go from my main eight. in celebration of finally having EIGHT OF THEM

Least

Ohah’veki [Smuggler] — Dude would think this was all a massive joke until he literally gets killed. Master of taking nothing seriously. The galaxy is a giant game and he is about to lose his winning streak!!!!!

Karsiyn Haxut [Trooper] — She may be a big buff cheeto puff but she got the nickname “Kote” (‘glory’ in Mando’a) for a reason. She is glorious! But not necessarily victorious!

Unihmawa [Bounty Hunter] — I’m sort of in-between on him, since he’s a bonafide survivor that will find a way even if he has to beat it out of someone. But he is very much practical and prone to moving in one straight line.

Dilieth Lawioh [Consular] — As we are learning now, poor girl has a terrible streak of getting scared of something and allowing that fear to convince her to lash out. She’s liable to overextend and expose that as an exploitable weakness, which could be Awful Since She Is A Little God

Chixo Kallig [Inquisitor] — Dude IS the horror movie. He is smacking on ghosts like Skittles. Somehow he’s not quite the eldritch horror yet, he tends to keep those at bay because he’s busy nose-down in a holocron he’s got no business touching.

Darrash Nealev [Agent] — Cryptid man. Sniper, likes to hide in high-up places where you’d have to go extremely out of your way to find him - would be most likely to split his time between burrowing and sneaking around to figure out what’s really happening, and putting a stop to it if he can.

Eikutyr [Warrior] — If it’s killable, she’ll kill it; if it’s subvertable, she’ll exploit it. There is no room for failure when success grants you freedom, and freedom above all is what she chases.

Cota Douaiou [Knight] — He is born of the Force. He is Force Incarnate. Good luck even trying.

Most

[emile-hides]

*Suddenly very roughly thrown back into love with Jasper and her 5 tiny girlfriends*

[concussed-to-pieces]

Her Dove, His Falcon, Their Shield Part One

Fandom: Game Of Thrones

Pairing: Eventual Oberyn/Reader/Ellaria

Rating: Holy shit M.

AN: Disclaimer for Game Of Thrones writing here! This installment contains a reader that is a ruff tuff cheeto puff, a damn juggernaut. STRONK. I would like to extend my heartfelt thanks to culturalrebel and hulia for recommending me compilation videos, as well as to @zeldasayer for inspiring me to write a hella buff reader. This is peak indulgence, pauldronsexual hours bois. I wax poetic about Ellaria, it’s a great time. I'll see you all with part two on Monday. Enjoy!

Tag List: @culturalrebel @huliabitch @absurdthirst @helplessly-nonstop

[!TRIGGER WARNING!: This installment contains depictions of canon-typical violence, allusions to canon-typical abuse, depictions of sexual activities with a pregnant party and vague allusions to breeding kink. Stay safe!] 

You were sure your fingers were broken.

The pain flickered sunlight-bright behind your eyes every time you had tried to move your pinky or your index, your entire right hand so gristly you didn't dare to look at it after you had bound it up as best as you could.

You clutched your hand to your chest, forcing yourself to focus. The wharf. You had to reach the docks. That had been your plan this morning, before everything had gone so terribly wrong. 

You crept through the shadows, dashing away your tears with your threadbare shawl. Your weeping would only be a sign of weakness, urging the vultures to circle on your corpse before it was even cold.

The creak of timbers heralded your arrival to the waterfront and a soft sigh of relief left your mouth when you spotted who you were looking for. The sailor that had promised you passage was there, leaned against the wall of the nearby harbormaster's quarters. He glanced up at the sound of your voice when you hailed him, tipping his head.

"Well well, look what the cat dragged in." He chuckled, wandering hands already tugging at your shawl. "Have you brought the payment, my dear?"

You pulled forth a small purse of coins. "I know it is less than what we promised, but I was unable to-" The man clicked his tongue, obviously disappointed. "I-I am certain we can come to an agreement, please." You begged desperately. You were so close to your escape!

"Darling, we had a deal." The sailor chided, sounding like he was scolding a child. "You bring me the payment, and I convince my captain that having a woman on board our vessel isn't bad luck. Now, at the eleventh hour, you decide you want to bargain?" The man crowded you back against the wall, his face inches from yours when he muttered, "I don't barter with whores." The blow caught you unawares, the back of his hand connecting with your cheek. You shut your eyes when he raised his hand again, gritting your teeth in anticipation of stifling your noise. 

Gods, you were so tired of this.

"What are you doing to that girl?" A man's voice demanded, his distinctive Dornish accent thick with either drink or weariness. "Get away from her or I will cut you down where you stand, you cur." 

"She is hurt, lover." That voice was lilting, intrigued, a woman's voice. "Look at her hand, and the way her face is turned. She has been struck."

You abruptly felt the sailor's weight removed from your body, the sudden action making you cringe back against the wall. Large, trembling fingers eased your wounded hand away from where you had it protectively curled into your chest. "What has happened to you, sweetling?" You didn't dare to open your eyes and the man tsked after a moment, relinquishing your hand. 

"Lover, we must get you onboard, your wounds-" 

"A moment, Ellaria. This…" A hand touched your cheek, making you start and open your eyes. Dark, textured leather armor met your gaze, the surface spattered rusty with blood. Your breathing stuttered. You didn't dare to look up at the man who wore the armor, staring at his chest as hard as you could manage.

The hand slid beneath your chin, tugging your eyes reluctantly upwards as your shawl slid off of your head. You gasped when you caught sight of his face. The man appeared battered, the sides of his head badly bruised at the temples and cheeks. There were livid contusions that looked suspiciously like large handprints, as if someone had attempted to crush his skull with their bare hands. His left eye was bloodied, laced with spiderwebbed veins and swollen half-shut. The fingers that touched your face were still shaking, his other hand pressed to a dressing that wrapped around his left elbow.

"Not a girl, I see. A woman." The Dornishman said quietly after enduring a moment of your impolite gawking. "And as such, I cannot make this choice for you."

You swallowed hard. You had heard stories about the people of Dorne, about Sunspear and the supposed depravity that took place there. True, you had been hoping to get aboard a ship and go somewhere, anywhere, as far away as you could manage. And with that sailor denying you passage...

The man's deep brown eyes saddened at your silence. "Would you stay here and endure this mistreatment from men like him, simply because it is familiar?"

You shook your head, fleetingly meeting his gaze and opening your mouth. "I have never been on a ship before, m-my lord." You attempted a belated curtsey. You had no idea who this man was, but it was best to err on the side of caution that he was of a higher social ranking than you. Most people were.

He seemed amused if anything, a pained smile crossing his haggard features. "You will soon grow to love it, little dove."

"If it pleases you, my lord." You demurred in a whisper, your heart pounding in your chest. Were you trading one cruel man for another? They often hid their true intentions until their audience was gone. But the woman at his side...she didn't seem fearful. "I have naught to offer for my passage but this, my lord." The small purse of coins jingled softly as you extended it to the man in front of you. "I am uncertain how much distance it will buy me, but I am not afraid of hard work."

The man waved it off, cupping your hand around the purse. "Do not trouble yourself with such things, my dove. Our time grows short." 

…

You had been warned of the sea illness, but you appeared to be able to ward off the heaves if you stayed above decks. The fresh salt air stung your cheeks, yet you refused to move from your spot by the railing. You made yourself scarce beside a pile of coiled rope, staying out of the way of the sailors bustling about and watching everything with wide eyes. Your injured hand was still cradled to your chest, but you had no attention for it as you hungrily devoured your surroundings.

King's Landing had been an area tinged gray, dour with gilded suffering. The golden sunsets that would pour through the high windows of your barren room paled in comparison to the sunset you were witnessing now. It was as if the horizon itself was ablaze, a cacophony of reds and oranges that turned the ocean brilliant. You had never seen such a sunset in all your years, and you prayed that it was a good omen. 

The sailors sang as they worked, all of them settling into a rhythm in order to keep everything running smoothly. It was fascinating to watch men pulling lines taut and tacking the mighty vessel into the wind, the ship nimble enough to respond to such rapid adjustments.

"There you are, little dove." Ellaria swayed easily with the motion of the craft, one hand resting on the shrouds to keep her balance. You started in surprise, having not noticed her approach. "You enjoy watching the sailors?"

"They are incredible, my lady." You replied honestly, cocking your head to the side. "I know very little about sailing, but surely their skill is unmatched? You must be immensely proud."

Her laughter was a beautiful noise, just as beautiful as she was. "My lover will be pleased to hear such flattery from your lips! He takes great delight in sailing. Now come with me, flattering dove. We must have the healer tend to your hand." 

You shakily climbed upright, gripping the bannister with your good hand as if your life depended on it. The journey back to the elaborate cabin was fraught with peril for you, and you envied Ellaria's gauzy, simplistic garb every time your heavy skirts got caught on the various cleats and belaying pins. 

Ellaria opened the cabin door and ushered you into the darker environment, tutting between her teeth. "Lover, you should not be upright." She scolded.

The wounded man (now heavily bandaged), shot her a lazy smile from his place at a desk, quill resting on a half-used sheet of vellum. "I know, Ellaria. She tried her best to tell me so as well."

An older woman (the healer, judging from her no-nonsense expression) rolled her eyes and dusted off her hands, approaching you rapidly. You flinched back and she slowed, her gaze flicking to Ellaria in question.

"We encountered this sweet dove on the docks. It is her hand, Ael." Ellaria said quietly, taking your arm. "Come, sit. Ael will not harm you."

You were settled onto a soft cushion and the healer slid your hand into her own, her touch light and careful while she unwrapped your bruised fingers. "How?" She asked, her voice just as quiet as Ellaria's.

You squeezed your eyes shut against the memory, biting your lip. "It was an accident, I didn't mean...I upset him."

"Him?" The man asked, leaning forward and then grimacing in pain. "That man on the docks?"

"N-No, my master. I am...well, I suppose I was, a-a helpmate of sorts. Shield-maiden. I...helped him to don and doff his armor, and I," you hesitated, "well, did whatever was asked of me."

Ellaria made a noise in her throat. "So what crime did you commit, to earn such punishment that would render you useless for your primary task?"

"I...I broke two of his fingers." You extended your uninjured hand in a gesture to allay concern. "I did not mean to! It was an a-accident, he had a trial to prepare for today with a fearsome opponent. His mind was elsewhere, and when I went to slide his gauntlet on-"

"What was your master's name, little dove?" The man interrupted you, his expression thoughtful. 

"His name is Ser Gregor Clegane, my lord. An enormous man who has been dubbed The Mountain." 

"You mentioned a fearsome opponent. But with a master such as that, who was this fearsome opponent?" 

"A prince of Dorne, my lord, one of your own! Can you even imagine?" You sighed dreamily, vaguely aware that Ael was giving you an odd look. She probably thought you childish, still swooning over faceless royalty. "I was told that he was an immensely fierce and clever man, though not in such forgiving language." Then, forgetting your place, you muttered, "I hope that he roundly trounced Ser Clegane."

The man burst out laughing, but winced and held his jaw as Ael fixed him a stern glare. You were certain your confusion was quite bare on your face. "Apologies, I do not laugh at your misfortune, little dove. Rather, at the providence of it all." He explained, still chuckling. "You are to thank for his terrible temper and sloppy work at the trial, then?"

"Oh, you witnessed the duel? What happened?" You asked excitedly, rocking on your seat in anticipation. 

"Oberyn, stop teasing." Ellaria murmured, sounding almost like she was chiding him. 

Oberyn. 

Your heart leaped into your throat as the man tossed you a pained smirk, moving to the pile of cushions and blankets on the floor. "Y...You? You are-?" Your voice failed you.

"Prince Oberyn Martell, the Red Viper, a fierce and clever man among many other virtues?" He drawled, looking like the cat that ate the canary as he gingerly reclined on his soft throne. "None other than, sweet dove."

"They are so deliciously genuine, lover." Ellaria crooned to him while you felt your skin flush hot with embarrassment. "They had nothing but lovely things to say about your crew, and now this? Such courtesy."

"Truly?" Oberyn (Prince Oberyn! your mind shrieked in horror) asked, his tone bordering on surprised. "And all of that, without even knowing who you spoke to? Rare courtesy indeed." 

"I...I am so sorry if I've offended you, your highness." You whispered, "I know there is no excuse for my ignorance."

"Nonsense! I owe you a debt, it seems!" Oberyn replied cheerily. You dared to look up, finding him with a hand pressed to the side of his well-bandaged jaw. "Ser Gregor sought to crush my skull after I had run him through. Clearly, it is thanks to you that he could not maintain his grip and I escaped with this colorful bruising."

"So you killed him?" You asked, knowing full-well that the hope in your voice was unbecoming.

"If he is not dead yet, he will be soon." Oberyn seemed outrageously pleased with himself, though his eyes were strangely melancholy. "Justice has been served. I only wish that I could have stayed to witness him breathe his filthy last, but it seemed that the royal family had other plans regarding the outcome of the trial. I thought it better to take my leave before they decided to finish what Ser Gregor began."

You ducked your face into your elbow, trying to quickly hide your tears. Ellaria caught your chin though, her confusion evident. "Why do you weep, little dove?"

"P-Please forgive my loss of composure! I w-weep for myself, my lady." You hiccupped, the words spilling out of you. "I suffered much by the hand of that man. To know that Ser Clegane is in agony or already perished…it feels like a precious gift, yet I should take no joy in the knowledge. To luxuriate in his demise makes me no better than him."

"You are alive and he is not. Luxuriate in that, if you will not give yourself the satisfaction of indulging in vicarious revenge." Oberyn murmured, his tone troubled. "Did he shame you, little dove?" 

You raised your eyes to his and he must have seen the truth there, even though you said softly that you had heard of him doing far worse than what had ever been done to you. "I believe I was one of the luckier ones, your highness."

The prince cursed under his breath, rubbing his temples. "I will be overjoyed to be back in Dorne once again. King's Landing is fraught with madness. A wonder that it still fills me with fury! I am half-dead." He muttered. 

"Indeed you are, lover. You ought to be resting." Ellaria chastised him, her tone fondly concerned.

"Yes, my love. I am immensely weary. But council me before I slumber. What shall I do with this unforeseen ally?" The prince asked, waving a hand in your direction. "They spake so sweetly to me, and I could have been the lowest man in all of Dorne. Such honesty deserves reward."

"Not to mention that without their aid, your head would have been crushed." Ellaria pressed a soft kiss to his lips. "And I would not be able to do this."

"You graciously offered me passage, your highness. That is more than enough-" You began to protest, wincing when Ael tightly bound your fingers together once again. 

Oberyn dismissed your reasoning with naught but a slow flick of his wrist, yawning widely. "Ellaria, the weariness has ensnared me. Do with them what you wish, my love." He mumbled, sinking down into the nest of blankets. Ellaria studied you for a time as you sat silently, letting Ael tend to your hand. You didn't dare to meet her eyes, so frightened that she might view you as defiant. 

"I know you must be used to making yourself small, little dove." She finally spoke softly. "Take heart, the people of Dorne are not so cruel as those you have encountered." Ael had finished wrapping your fingers and Ellaria encircled your wrists, the other woman searching your eyes. "Men use such pretty terms to describe the anguish their counterparts inflict upon us. Shamed, as if you were a naughty child." She shook her head unhappily. "I would promise you your heart's desire, for it is because of you that my beloved still breathes. Anything you wish, you need only ask."

You stared at her dumbly, trying in vain to blink back the fresh tears that rose at her practical words. 

Ellaria tutted, her hand rising to smooth over your tangled hair in a maternal fashion while the tears spilled down your cheeks. "You are exhausted, little dove." She soothed, a gossamer sleeve catching your tears and patting your face dry. "Sleep now. I will ask you in the morning."

...

You woke to someone gently brushing your hair, the groan of timber and faint sounds of water all around you. Certain that you were dreaming, you hummed and shifted your weight, snuggling a little closer to the lap your head rested in.

"Dove, are you awake?" Ellaria. You nodded sleepily, trying to remember who that name belonged to. "I had hoped to be done before you woke." She sighed. "Try to stay still for me, sweet. I will be finished in a few moments." 

As you felt her begin to plait your hair, your mind slowly seemed to shake off the warm haze of sleep. The Mountain. Your hand. Prince Oberyn--

Gods, Prince Oberyn! You flinched, wide awake now. Ellaria patted the top of your head, obviously satisfied with her handiwork. "There! Beautiful." She said decisively. "You slept so soundly, my little dove! You needed the rest, I imagine."

"My lady…" Right back to where you had started, you nearly wept all over again. Your life had been devoid of tenderness for so long, cut off from any warmth or care. Now here was a small smattering, a ray of sunlight through the clouds, and you were utterly in a shambles. "I apologize for my turbulent emotions." You breathed. "I am at a loss."

"Hush, little dove." The woman murmured, a finger tucking beneath your chin to tilt your face up. "You are so pensive! I would see you smile. Breakfast, perhaps?"

You hesitated, your stomach knotting uncertainly. "I do not know if I will be able to, my lady. The ship...I am unused to its motion." 

Ellaria smiled at you, a genuine, soft smile that wrapped around your soul like a secret. "We shall eat above decks, my dove. Something light, to baby that green belly of yours."

Gods, was she teasing you? You had no idea what to think as she got to her feet and extended a hand to you. The light played across her golden skin when she helped you rise, even more of her body on display in today's garb. You felt like a drab sparrow beside a brilliant goldfinch, trying vainly to smooth the wrinkles out of your skirts as you followed behind her.

The sky was blue overhead, the sun just slightly above the horizon. It was still early, though normally you would be going to sleep at this hour.

Your shudder had nothing to do with the brisk sea wind.

"Beautiful, is it not?" Ellaria said gladly, tilting her head at you. Her brown eyes fairly danced with good humor, like she was sharing a joke. 

Your heart clenched in your chest and you swallowed roughly. When you agreed with her, you were unsure of whether you spoke of the sky or the woman beside you. 

After a light breakfast, Ellaria left you to your own devices. You continued to watch the sailors with awe, thankful that they all seemed perfectly content to ignore you.

It did not take long for the prince to grow bored in his confinement, his complaints growing louder and louder until he emerged onto the deck. Half-dressed, Ellaria following after him bearing a light golden wrapper, Oberyn stalked to the railing and stared moodily across the water at the other ship that had departed alongside his at King's Landing. 

"Had I not promised Cersei that I would bring that miserable pile of driftwood to her child, I would scuttle the whole affair." He muttered, stroking his facial hair. Ellaria attempted to drape the dressing gown around him, beckoning for you to come assist her. "Even after all the harm she's done, I will not cause undue grief to...ah, my dove!" The sight of you seemed to shake him from his doleful contemplation, and you couldn't help your flush when the prince idly brushed his fingers over your cheek after you had succeeded in helping Ellaria. "Have you decided what you might ask of me, little dove?" Inhaling a bracing gulp of air, you nodded. The prince inclined his head, tucking Ellaria into his side and then raising his eyebrows at you in silent query. 

"I ask...I-I ask two things of you, your highness." You winced when your voice squeaked nervously. "First, I humbly request that you hear me until the end. What I will ask...I know that it is laughable." The prince frowned, but nodded. "I was trained for much of my years in the manner of a soldier, as my mother bore my father no sons. That is how Gregor found me." You steeled yourself. "I would like to continue my tutelage and, once I have become a full-fledged warrior, I would ask to join your soldiers and fight under the flag of Martell."

"Why...Why would you ask for that?" Oberyn queried, his tone one of immense confusion. Ellaria looked bewildered as well.

"After everything that has...happened, to me, everything that has been done to me, I am no longer fit to marry." You explained, doing your best to be ginger with your speech. "Yet, I would serve the man who slew Gregor with my very life. All I can ask for is the chance."

The prince lifted his hand, laying it across the back of your neck and tugging you to lean close. He pressed his forehead to your own, his eyes searching yours. "Not a dove at all." He murmured finally. "A falcon. You will have your wish and one better, my falcon. I will not see you amongst the rank and file of soldiers in my brother's army. You shall train as a knight." His hand clapped your shoulder warmly. "A knight of House Martell. It will be difficult! But I know you would not expect ease after the life you have endured." He glanced at Ellaria. "What say you, my love?"

Ellaria's smile was soft and a bit sad. She cupped your face, touching her forehead to your own as well. "Elia would have loved the spirit of this one."

Elia Martell. You had heard the stories, of course, but the depth of the anguish you saw in Oberyn's gaze took your breath away. 

The prince nodded sorrowfully after a moment, kissing Ellaria's knuckles. "Aye, she would have. But she can rest easy now, my love, and that is all that matters."

…

"Again!" The battlemaster shouted, his hand extended to direct. "First form!"

You had flourished under the watchful eye of the head warriors of House Martell, training alongside several of Oberyn's own daughters. The strength you had built through your prior training with heavy plate and shield made you unexpectedly hardy, especially when clad in the much lighter leather and chain mail that the Dornish warriors wore. 

You were able to wield a pike on foot with relative ease, and Oberyn saw to it personally that you were granted a larger shield. "If you are to be drawing the enemy's attention, I would rather you are shielded…"

You assumed the first stance, your form wavering ever so slightly when Oberyn and Ellaria emerged from a nearby hallway to observe the training. 

The prince was well on the mend from his grisly ordeal with Gregor, only bearing a slight tenderness in his left elbow during poor weather. He was a truly lucky man. Ellaria was in good spirits this afternoon, her smile radiant as she waved to you. You bowed, panting a little from the exertion of your training. The battlemaster dismissed you with a grin, overused to such royal interruptions. 

Oberyn's younger daughters flung themselves at you in their typical fashion the second they were permitted, all of them piling onto you in an effort to take you to the ground. You struggled valiantly against the assault as Oberyn laughed, the man wading into the mass of bodies after a moment to pluck Loreza from your back. "Such violence from my beautiful children! You are your mother's daughters." He teased with a broad smile, rubbing his nose against Loreza's. 

Dorea danced around her mother, tugging at her hands. "May we go to the water gardens, mama?" She asked, pausing to meticulously straighten her petite bracers. Dorea took the training very seriously. 

Ellaria nodded, patting her on the head. "Alright my little snakes, rise from the sand and go play." She urged, "You have all done so well in your training today! I am very proud." Elia rolled her eyes, shaking her head when Obella and Dorea shrieked their delight. She was, of course, too old to let such maternal praise cloud her impressions of how her training had actually gone. 

You wished you didn't light up as bright as the children whenever the prince and his paramour praised them. You knew that it was foolish. 

"We are both impressed with your progress. It has only been five months and yet, you fight as if you were of Dorne yourself." Oberyn observed after his children had departed, his hand resting at the small of Ellaria's back. 

You went hot at the praise, bowing and stammering, "a-all due to your faith in me, your highness!"

"How many times must I insist that you simply call me Oberyn?" He asked, the grin he shot you making your knees weak. "After all, unwittingly or not, we conspired together as equals!"

"Do not tease her so, lover!" Ellaria chided him. "We had something to tell her, remember?"

"Apologies, my love." Oberyn cleared his throat, and his face grew incredibly serious. "My falcon, we come bearing wonderful news. My paramour is pregnant once again." He announced, "A new Sand Snake will be born in but six months time."

You gaped at him, then at Ellaria, who was beaming. "Oh, that is...good?" You half-questioned. True, the people of Dorne had radically different viewpoints from the rest of the world when it came to bastards, carnal acts and indeed, their sexuality in general. You were still adjusting to such broad views.

Ellaria nodded, thankfully not visibly offended by your hesitation. "In Dorne, children are a treasured blessing, not the death knell that so many seem to see them as." She rested her hands on the nearly imperceptible swell of her belly. "Oberyn wished to ask you to become my sworn knight, to defend me from such trials that pregnancy brings." Her eyes were dancing again; she was joking with you. 

You chuckled nervously, dusting the knees of your breeches off. "I fear I would do more harm than good in that department, my lady." Despite her insistence that she was but a bastard, you always referred to her as 'my lady', just as you always referred to Oberyn by archaic honorifics. 

"Are you greatly concerned with the skirmish I am sending you to, my falcon?" Oberyn asked bluntly. 

You shook your head. "Not at all, your highness. I have faith in my skill, as well as the competence of Prince Doran's military."

"I will be there as well, though only advising in my elder brother's stead." Oberyn sighed wistfully. "You must be twice as fierce on the battlefield, my falcon! Fill my place in the ranks."

"I must be at least six times as fierce if I were to try and match you, your highness!" You protested.

"The genuine nature of your flattery never ceases to raise my spirits, my falcon! Dorne will need your strength." The prince grinned sharply, "And your ferocity. I assume we can expect great things from you?" He extended his forearm and you clasped it, feeling the coil of muscle that lurked beneath the sleeve of his brocade robe.

"You may depend on me, Prince Oberyn." You replied firmly.

...

It was to be a simple pincer attack, your small battalion held in reserve to strike at the most opportune moment. Everything always seemed so straightforward when in the map room.

Now, in the muddy chaos of the battlefield, you planted your massive tower shield as a rallying point for the foot soldiers and warded off the attacks that poured around it like river water. Cavalry thundered past you into the fray, lances up and proud Martell trappings flapping in the breeze. You struck down Dorne's foes without mercy, attempting to do the absent Oberyn justice.

Until you caught sight of Elia, torn from her horse by a greatsword-wielding warrior. She hit the mud hard, barely rolling out of the way of the man's full swing. He landed a glancing blow on her shoulder and you heard her cry out.

You jerked your shield up out of the ground, terrified beyond measure that she would not hear your voice. You gathered your legs beneath you to brace for her weight and shouted, "Lady Elia!" Her eyes met yours for a split-second. "Ninth form!" With your shoulder and knee set into the back of your shield, you tilted the metal.

The smaller woman bolted up and onto your slanted shield, then wheeled and sprang off with her arm outstretched to grapple the warrior's neck. The man was floored by the blow, he and Elia tumbling to the ground. You thrust your spear through the offending wrist that still gripped his sword, your razor-sharp weapon piercing the weak point in his armor and pinning his hand to the ground as he screamed. 

"If any man dares to touch a Sand Snake, he shall lose his hand and his life." You seethed, raising and then crushing the edge of your shield down on his throat. Elia stared up at you, hurriedly accepting your hand when you offered it. "Are you badly injured, my lady?" You asked worriedly.

"Just winded." She jibed but winced afterwards, touching the blood blotting her armor at the shoulder. "Damn it, and perhaps my shoulder could use tending."

"Shall I escort you back to the stratagem, my lady?"

"So courteous! A true knight." She teased, laughing. "Of course, deliver me to the hands of my hen of a father, that he might chatter and squawk about how careless I was." She tossed her head haughtily. "Wonderful."

"I meant no disrespect, my lady." Elia had a rebellious streak that may have very well been the entirety of her body. Fiercely capable and cunning beyond measure, this would be a blow to her pride. But you could not very well permit her to venture on wounded and get herself killed in the bargain, so you herded her gently back towards the stratagem tents.

You were both soaked head to toe with the blood and sweat of battle, so Oberyn's gut-wrenching expression of terror upon catching sight of his daughter was to be expected. "Elia!" He cried, striding out of the tent. "Where is the wound? You would not retreat willingly, you are too stubborn."

"Hush, I am well. Your falcon saw to that." Elia retorted, gesturing at your massive shield. "She clove a man's head off with that simply for touching me."

"He did a sight more than touch you, my lady." You replied stiffly, "I merely retaliated."

Oberyn enfolded his daughter in his arms, squeezing her tightly as you stripped your helmet off. "Straight to Ael with you. You have done well." He praised her, "but this shoulder will need to be tended lest you lose feeling in your hand."

After Elia had departed, you dropped to one knee. "Forgive me, your highness. I was not fast enough to keep her from harm."

"Lightning itself is not fast enough to keep that one from being wherever she wants." Oberyn replied dryly, clapping your shoulder and urging you to stand. "You brought her to me, a task which I'm certain she did not make simple. You are…" he trailed off, staring at you. Since you had removed your helmet, you assumed you must have some mud on your face. Why else would he look at you as though he had never seen you before? Perhaps the sun was in his eyes, or maybe your hair was much more hopeless than usual.

You quickly scrubbed at your cheeks, but Oberyn remained silent. "Prince Oberyn?" You queried tentatively.

"You are capable." He managed to finish his thought after several more moments. His voice was strangely faint. "Thank you for returning her hale and whole to me."

"Are you well, your highness?"

"Quite well. Astonishingly so, given the circumstances."

...

You were knighted formally as Ser Shieldove of House Martell on the following new moon. Oberyn winked at you in playful insinuation when you and several other new knights knelt before his brother to be anointed with seven oils, nearly causing you to embarrass yourself by laughing. The younger prince had become markedly more flirtatious towards you after the skirmish, his teasing bold even for his standards. You had dismissed it though, certain that he was merely expressing his gratitude with some flattering attention directed your way.

At the feast that followed, Oberyn and Ellaria flanked you instead of taking up their usual position at the head of the table with Prince Doran. Ellaria in particular was nearly hanging off your arm as the both of them fed you from their own trenchers. His tender touch while he plied you with fruits and the brush of the pads of her fingers against your lips made your throat burn with an odd emotion that you dared not examine. The flavorful dolmas hit your tongue and turned to ash in the wake of Ellaria's beautiful smile and Oberyn's jests.

The prince was regaling anyone who would listen with the thrilling (and greatly exaggerated) tale of you and Elia in the skirmish. "-my daughter, Elia Sand, though wounded, fought valiantly against a warrior seven times her size. Ser Shieldove, thinking quickly as she always does-"

"That is a falsehood, your highness." You protested, making Oberyn and his audience laugh. "I was in a panic. I was so fearful I would not reach her in time."

"What is a skirmish if not an opportunity to embellish?" The prince teased. "As I was saying, Ser Shieldove utilized one of the many tactics she learned in her knightly training…" While Oberyn prattled on, you felt his hand rest idly on your leg. You barely kept from leaping out of your skin when he gripped down a little tighter, his fingers rubbing circles through the gossamer of your gown and the fabric of your hosiery.

"More wine?" Ellaria asked sweetly, refilling your goblet before you even had the chance to nod. 

"Thank you, my lady." You cocked your head to the side. "Are you well? I hope the babe does not grieve you."

Her lovely laughter, combined with the hypnotic press and drag of Oberyn's fingers, made you wish that you could stay where you were forever. "I have done this four times before, my falcon. Or should I say, Ser Shieldove?" She chuckled. "I am prepared for whatever discomfort this little one sees fit to inflict upon me."

You smiled at her, stating sincerely, "I am in awe of you, Lady Ellaria." 

"Of me? Whatever for?" She asked in surprise. 

"Your willingness to bear children. It is...I do not know if I would ever have the strength for such an endeavor." You admitted softly, leaning in a little. "Your joy is pure and rare, unlike anything I have ever witnessed. You are practically aglow. It makes my heart ache and sing all at once, to see you so happy."

Ellaria took your hands in her own, clasping them to her heart. "Ser Shieldove, your flattery has not lost its edge." She murmured, her eyes bright. "Though I know your duties may take you elsewhere, when you have a moment of respite, I...would be more than willing to have one of my midwives explain certain things to you. I understand that fear of the unknown keeps many in the darkness."

Your heart buckled in your chest, hope and terror at war with one another. "I know not whether I...that is, I am uncertain if I am able, Lady Ellaria." You replied in a hushed tone. 

Ellaria nodded, her expression saddened. "I know, sweet dove." After a moment, she rose to her feet. "Oberyn, lover, will you accompany Ser Shieldove and myself to the water gardens?" 

The prince immediately rose and you floundered to do the same, caught off-guard by the sudden request. "Of course, my love." Oberyn's tone was light, but you couldn't shake the notion that he had been waiting for her to say something.

His hand stayed on the small of her back the entire stroll to the gardens, and you found yourself envious of those fingers, envious of her skin. To know such gentle touch, to be able to touch so gently…

During the day the pools were alive with the sound of children of all ages, laughing and splashing about in the refreshing waters. But here and now, the only sounds were the wind stirring the water's surface and the low, inquisitive calls of the bullfrogs. Ellaria settled onto a bench, patting the stone beside her after a moment. You sank down in an unwieldy mass of delicate fabrics, longing for your armor. The dress was beautiful, but it drew so much attention.

"Speak to us, sweet dove." Ellaria implored, taking your hands in her own again. "We would know what troubles you in regards to these delicate matters, without fear of judgement or embarrassment." 

Oberyn cleared his throat, large hands framing Ellaria's shoulders. "The merrymaking of the evening cannot erase the furrow of contemplation from your brow, my falcon." 

You hesitated, staring down at Ellaria's hands wrapped around your own. Her fingers were slender, delicate. "I see the two of you, how tender you are with one another and I wonder if...I wonder whether I might ever find such companionship." You shrugged helplessly. "I am unskilled in these matters. Gregor was...the only one. I do not know if I could ever subject myself to...if I could ever…" You trailed off, biting your lip.

Oberyn muttered an oath under his breath and then quickly apologized, continuing on to say, "Brave, fierce falcon. You were dealt a terrible wound the day that monster stole you away. I had wondered why you did not accept the propositions offered to you by many of the other knights, but I merely assumed it was a difference of our cultures." 

You shook your head shyly. "No, your highness. I find their attentions flattering, yet frightening for this very reason." You were dealt a terrible wound. Oberyn regarding it as such, instead of simply as a normal occurrence for a woman to overcome, was strangely heartening. "Perhaps the wound lingers, festers beneath my skin. Perhaps I shall never be gentle again, and never know myself what such gentleness feels like." You thought aloud, voicing your worst fears. "Perhaps my life will be nothing but roughness and the whirling tumult of battle, my only chance thieved away from me."

"Oh, my sweet dove." Ellaria sounded distraught and you turned your attention to her, surprised when you saw her weeping. Her hands cupped your jaw, tugging you close enough to rest your forehead against her own. "You have such an immense capacity for love, daughter-defender. My heart breaks at the thought of you locking yourself away out of fear." 

"My lady…" Tears welled up in your own eyes and you tried to wipe them away hastily.

Oberyn shifted to the side, his arms wrapped loosely around both you and his paramour. "Do you watch us often, my dove?" He asked quietly. "Does it bring you peace to see how we exist together and with others, as easily as rising in the morning?"

Your throat ached with your tears. "The way that you touch her, your highness-"

"My body was designed solely for the pleasure of my lovers, sweet dove." Oberyn informed you, his deep brown eyes unbearably soft in the dim light of the lanterns. "It is a weapon on the battlefield, but never in the bedroom. Even if I come at my lovers with passion, there is not and should not be fear."

"I am a knight of House Martell, and yet I cringe at something so mundane!" You tried to jest, tried to smile.

"Many a warrior is thrown from a horse once and refuses to ever ride again." Oberyn pointed out, his hand absently stroking over your hair in a calming motion. "If an action has only ever caused you agony, you learn to avoid it." Ellaria tugged at Oberyn's sleeve, whispering in his ear when he bent lower. The prince smiled after a moment, nodding. "Of course. Whatever you like, my love." He agreed.

"Sweet dove, at some point in the future I would like to invite you to witness us in our bed chamber," said Ellaria, the words from her mouth damning and sweet as honey. "We are comfortable with an audience and multiple partners, as you are well aware. We would be more than happy to display the way certain acts ought to be performed." She laughed after a moment. "Truly, if I get much larger I may have no recourse but to ask for assistance when my cravings grow too raw!"

You swallowed, then inhaled raggedly. How long were you planning on languishing in this manner? Ignoring your desires out of fear and anxiety over what had transpired? Though Oberyn had assuaged your feelings of inadequacy, you no longer wanted to be the warrior thrown from your horse. You were a knight of House Martell, in soul and now in title. "I would be honored to witness such a thing, my lady." You croaked out, wincing and clearing your throat awkwardly. 

Oberyn's smile was a fond one, the man placing a kiss on his paramour's forehead. "Never fear, falcon. We shall not push you further than you can go."

…

Some weeks later, the battlemaster woke you out of a sound sleep, his tone one of long suffering. "Prince Oberyn seeks your council, Ser Shieldove. He bade you wear your armor, but bring no weapons."

Your mind whirled. Had something happened? Gods, Ellaria-

You weren't certain if you had ever donned your armor faster. It was scarcely ten minutes before you were striding through the airy halls, your tunic rustling beneath your light armor and mail. No weapons, he had said. What manner of exercise could this possibly be?

The prince flung open the doors of his chambers when you approached, his expression tight yet grateful. "I apologize for rousing you at such a late hour, my falcon." 

You dropped to a knee in typical salute. "What has transpired, Prince Oberyn?"

"Ellaria believed that tonight would be a good night for you to...witness. That being said, she wished for your assistance." The man said delicately. "My love is--ah, how to say this without being crass. She is swollen with child, and yet she craves a certain position." Oberyn raised his eyes to your own. "She reasoned that your strength would be sufficient to keep her balance while she indulges."

Your mouth went dry. "M-My strength?" You stammered. He nodded, studying you intently. His heavy gaze alone had you smoldering, had you nodding without thinking twice. He gestured you onwards into their private chambers, closing the doors after you.

Ellaria, her form barely concealed by the thin curtains of their bed, called your name so sweetly. Like a sinner to judgement you crept close, eyes averted from her nudity. "My dove, there is no shame here." She crooned, one finger beneath your chin urging your attentions to her body. Her kiss to your forehead was gentle, her heavy breasts pressed against your armor with her closeness. 

"Lady Ellaria." you breathed, wanting more than anything to greedily embrace her in your arms, shield her from the world. No one deserved to even look at her, no one--

Except Oberyn, of course. The prince was leaning easily against one of the banisters, one ankle tucked over the other while he observed his paramour with a blissful expression. Only Oberyn. Your heart ached, full enough to burst with your unspoken affection for the prince and his beloved. 

"The prince said you requested my presence, my lady?"

"I want you to see us, my dove." Ellaria said simply. "I may require your assistance, but until then…" She beckoned Oberyn closer and did not finish her sentence. 

The prince cupped her face and kissed her passionately, his smile curved against her lips. Once he was done, however, he turned to you. The bristle of his mustache met your forehead, grazing the skin teasingly before he kissed it. "A kiss from a prince. Let us hope you do not turn into a frog!" He said with a grin.

Ellaria's fingers kneaded at his light dressing gown, spurring him to peel and discard the garment. "Come, Ser Shieldove. Sit on the side of the bed and watch us." She implored.

"Are you certain, my lady?" You asked, hesitation plain in your voice even as your fingers twined greedily into their rich bedspread. "It is not...distracting that I am here?"

"Far from it." Oberyn grunted, chucking you under the chin. "It is a rare treat, to have my devastating falcon in the same bed as my lovely paramour. I will not involve you beyond function, of course, not without your consent. You are the audience tonight, and Ellaria wishes to show you the tender acts I inflict upon her."

You did not trust your voice to reply. You knew logically that there was no possibility of Oberyn causing her harm. You watched his hands, the shift of the candlelight shadows playing across the olive skin. Oberyn was languid in nearly every aspect of his life aside from training and battle, so it was no great shock that he was slow in his approach as well. 

He trailed a single finger down between Ellaria's bare breasts, over the swell of her stomach. Your hands fisted tight enough to ache in the bedspread when Ellaria crooned to him, the sunset-hued fabric wrinkling in your grasp. You were entranced, enthralled as surely as if you had been under some spell. 

"Lover, please…" Ellaria begged, and oh! Her voice was the sweetest music, a wine heady and luxuriant. How did Oberyn resist her? How did he temper his longing, when all you wanted to do upon hearing her ask once was fall to pieces?

"She knows I will satisfy her." Oberyn said softly, as though he had read your thoughts. He lowered his mouth to her breast and her fingers found his hair, cradling him close. His hand wandered lower and lower, seeking out the wetness that had built between her thighs. 

Your gorget threatened to choke you when you swallowed convulsively at Ellaria's trembling sob of pleasure, the prince shooting you a smirk from his prime seating.

"I think our falcon has taken a shine to your mewling, my love." He informed Ellaria quietly. His hand spread her wide, fingers lewdly displaying her plush entrance slick and pink, delicious--you caught yourself leaning in and quickly jerked upright. 

Ellaria noticed your interest, if her moan was any indicator. One hand left Oberyn's hair and reached out over the blankets to you, fingers extended as far as they could go. She fell just shy inches from your arm, blindly fumbling. 

Oberyn carefully scooped her hand back up, kissing her knuckles. "We do not touch her, my love." He reminded her. "Until you need her help to take me, and even then. Our falcon, our dove, she is a warrior, not a plaything." He glanced over at you, his expression mischievous. "It is enough that she wishes to touch you already, my love." His fingers plunged into her cunt and gods, she was wet enough to hear. 

Your thighs clenched and you felt shameful, like an intruder, but Oberyn hummed as if to draw your averted gaze to where his fingers plundered her slick folds. 

"She is much more sensitive when she is bearing." He sounded a little breathless, his dark eyes nearly black in the dimmed lighting. "I can wring two or three from her with ease, just my fingers. No pain."

"Two or three?" You echoed him in doubt, your voice rasping in your throat when Ellaria's back arched off the bed. She cried out and Oberyn moaned with her, his own enthusiasm evident in the way he claimed her mouth with his. She was beautiful, skin flushed and damp with sweat, and he was so gentle with her.

"I need you now, lover. I cannot wait, please, please-" Ellaria implored against his lips, and the tender way he soothed her hair back from her forehead made your chest ache. "I have missed you beneath me, my sweet Oberyn."

"And I have missed you, my divine Ellaria." Oberyn helped her kneel, then gestured you closer. "If you wrap your arms around her midsection--"

"Is that safe?" You interrupted warily, concern destroying your propriety. Oberyn just chuckled, rolling off of the bed to divest himself of his pants. You fought the urge to bury your face in Ellaria's neck out of embarrassment.

"Sweet dove," Ellaria's hand cupped your burning cheek. "If this is not to your liking…"

"Of course it--I mean, if-if I...what if I do something wrong? What if I hurt you?" You mumbled. "Men act as though we are unreasonably delicate for expecting an ounce of caution, yet we endure so much at their whim."

Ellaria interlaced her fingers with your own, bringing your palms to her defined hips. "I will not break, my gentle dove." She stated, a defiant toss of her head serving to drive her words home. She was the devoted paramour of Prince Oberyn, after all! Already mother to four of his children, soon to be five. 

Oberyn knelt on the bed and you couldn't help the way your eyes devoured him. His hair tousled, mouth still red from hungry kisses, lean body on full display. The member that hung between his legs had your breath hitching with a mixture of vague apprehension and arousal, how-

You tore your eyes away, tucking your nose in the thick waves of Ellaria's hair as your thighs flexed yet again. She smelled of comfort, of citrus and the spiced strongwine from their evening meal. Ellaria sighed, relaxing her weight back into your arms. "You are so warm, sweet dove."

Oberyn's hand stroked your cheek and you were unable to conceal your flinch. "Do not fear me, gentle dove. I would never harm in the bedroom; here, I am no longer the Red Viper." His tone was grave, and you saw sorrow in his eyes when you dared to look up. "I am simply a man hopelessly in love." His hands covered your own, tightening your grip on Ellaria's hips. "Now, help my paramour to rend me as she sees fit."

You did as you were asked, feeling the anticipatory tremor that ran through Ellaria's body. She wanted him. She yearned for him, canting her hips as far as she could to draw him close. But Oberyn was thorough, coaxing her thighs apart inch by inch and laving her hot skin with thousands upon thousands of adoring kisses. She was on the verge of collapse before he even deigned to lay down beneath her, and now you understood your place in their endeavor. 

She sank down onto his cock without hesitation, a breathless whine of delight leaving her lips while her head lolled back against your shoulder. Oberyn's cry in response was low, wanting, the prince's chest heaving as he thrust up into her. "Ellaria, you beautiful fucking woman." He seethed through his teeth, "Help her take me, my falcon, hold her steady while she tears me apart."

"Oberyn!" Ellaria sobbed, clinging to your arms while he urged her hips forward and back to ride his cock.

"If she wishes for another child, she entices me by laying on her stomach and beckoning me near." Oberyn informed you lazily between arching his hips up to meet his paramour. "When she does I am but her willing stud horse, lost to breed. Her hips fit perfectly in my hands and she begs me so sweetly for another babe, another little one to bring to her breast and nourish. My Ellaria, my beautiful, precious Ellaria." 

Oberyn reached up, his eyes so warm and fond as he cradled Ellaria's face in his large palms. You buried your face in Ellaria's hair again, not wanting either of them to notice the tears threatening to spill over. 

Ellaria nuzzled against his fingers, coaxing a ragged groan out of Oberyn. "Lover, you always know what to do to make my body sing for you." She breathed, planting her hands on his chest and circling her hips. Oberyn swore and gritted his teeth, his head falling back against the pillows. "But I would much rather you sing for me instead."

The prince's voice broke wordlessly in his throat, the noise sharp with longing. Your eyes widened and your whole body tensed at the sound, warmth coating the worn trews between your legs. What…? You had never experienced such a rapid reaction, and all it had been was a simple groan! Your grip on Ellaria tightened unconsciously and she moaned your name, her body pushing back against your armored chest as she rose up onto her knees. 

Oberyn fairly growled at her, one hand clutching at her thigh while the other delved between her legs. She cried out and you could feel her body spasm when he found her center, hips undulating hard to grind herself against his palm. "Come for me, my love, drench me." Oberyn encouraged softly. "Tear my seed from my body, milk me with that divine cunt of yours."

His heated words made you feel like your heart would beat out of your chest. Ellaria tilted her face into your neck, her panting, breathy cries whispering over your skin and making you wish more than anything that you were the one causing them-

She went taut in your hold and you watched Oberyn watch her come with the same blissful expression on his face that he had sported earlier. It was as if his own release was an afterthought, the prince humming to echo Ellaria's incoherent whimpering while he shifted his hips restlessly beneath her. "Keep gripping me, my love, keep-" Oberyn bucked up hard, hands covering your own on her hips to keep her still when he buried himself in her again. His shoulders tensed, thighs trembling as he came with a shuddering gasp of her name. 

Gods, you wished it was your name he spoke with such passion!

Ellaria nearly collapsed, your arms around her the only thing keeping her upright. "I have you." You breathed, cradling her back against your chest. "I have you."

The other woman blinked up at you sleepily, one shaking hand raising to stroke over your hair. "Thank you, Ser Shieldove." She whispered. Oberyn clapped her thigh, carefully tilting her hips and closing her legs once he slipped out from beneath her. 

"Steady, I need to fetch a cloth." He instructed you, nearly staggering when he rose from the bed. "Gods, Ellaria, you will make me swoon one of these days." Oberyn continued, half-laughing and shaking his head. He wrapped his light robe back around his body, looping the belt once and then abandoning it.

You hid your face at the sight of him stretching languidly, his lithe and golden form barely covered by the haphazardly-tied dressing gown. "You can look at him, you know." Ellaria sighed in your ear, sending a shiver down your spine. "He loves being observed. He preens." She confided, chuckling softly. 

"What are you telling her, my love?" Oberyn called from the washbasin, shooting her a suspicious glance.

"Nothing, lover." Ellaria winked up at you, relaxing into your arms a bit more. "Nothing at all."

"Now, my falcon. Is it your turn?" Oberyn asked conversationally while he tenderly bathed Ellaria's intimate area. The other woman hadn't stopped squirming, trembling beneath his careful ministrations even as she clung to you. 

Panic seized your body at the idea of being naked, being vulnerable, exposed, and despite the hard work the both of them had done, you found yourself shaking your head violently. 

Oberyn simply laughed, dismissing his own words as a jest and easily soothing your terror. 

...

When you returned to your quarters later that evening, you could not remove your armor fast enough. Clad in only your underthings, you slumped into the chair beside your bed and put your head in your hands. 

I can wring two or three from her with ease, just my fingers. No pain.

Ellaria's wanton cries rang softly in your ears. The way she had sought him out with her body, sought to be cherished, claimed-

You are so warm, sweet dove.

You flushed hot, rubbing frantically at your eyes. Gods, the way the two of them praised each other, praised you...it hurt, it made your body throb. You bit back a sound of pain, your eyes watering. To be loved by someone, to have their love in return...well, that is what all the songs and stories of man were about! 

Yet here you sat on the outskirts of a camp you dared not approach, gazing at the raging bonfire of someone else's affection. 

And you envied, with a ferocity that made your jaw ache from how tight you clenched it.

Envied Oberyn, for being a prince, being free to do as he wished, being able to trace secret patterns over Ellaria's skin as often as he pleased. Envied Ellaria, for being brave, being so effortlessly sensual, being able to bring Oberyn to heights of ecstasy that you could not even dream of.

You felt like a child that had been happily playing pretend, only to have a bucket of cold water thrown on you.

Your fingers dug into your thighs, rubbing over the scarring there. No, you would never know, would you? You would never know the true depth of another's love. You were not destined for such things, and you had been foolish to grasp for them in the first place.

You had been greedy, overeager to voyeur on the prince and his paramour due to your deep admiration of and attraction to the couple. This was hardly behavior befitting a knight of House Martell! You would have to do better in the future, instead of taking advantage of the generosity extended to you in good faith. All Ellaria and Oberyn had wanted to do was help you, and you had turned it into some lewd fantasy. 

You shook your head at your own thoughts, thoroughly disgusted. You would tear down everything good that you ever had, just to delude yourself into believing you could be bedded by a prince of Dorne and his beautiful lady.

Part Two

[dragonheart-swtor]

...Have a MLP AU, because it occurred to me once and I have no self-control.

(In which Force-users are unicorns, and particularly powerful/high-ranking ones are alicorns. Force-deaf people are either pegasi or Earth ponies.)

(Image Description: Pencil drawings of four My Little Pony ponies. In order:

Eris: an Earth pony with her mane tied up in a bun and her tail tied up like a cart horse’s. She has the same makeup and a similar uniform jacket as her normal Human form, with the addition of armor covering her flanks. Drawn above and beside her, since her cutie mark is covered by the armor, is her cutie mark, an image of three (horse-shaped) masks: a smiling one facing left in profile, a neutral-expression one facing the viewer, and a frowning one facing right in profile; the cutie mark is labeled “Cutie mark: The Masks.” Text reads, in bullet points: Earth pony; almost always keeps cutie mark covered (old spy habit).

Zashiil: a stocky alicorn with a smooth, curved horn, wings folded at her sides, and mane and tail in cornrows. She has tattoos similar to her normal Zabrak form all over her body. Drawn above and beside her, since her cutie mark is mostly covered by her wing, is her cutie mark, an image of a shield labeled “Cutie mark: The Shield.” Text reads, in bullet points: Alicorn (born unicorn), big buff cheeto puff.

Duserra: a stocky alicorn with a smooth, curved horn, wings half-flared, and curly mane and tail tied in short ponytails (so to speak). She has tattoos similar to her normal Zabrak form all over her body. Her cutie mark is reminiscent of lightning arcing across her flank. Text reads, in bullet points: Alicorn (born unicorn), cutie mark: the Lightning Strike.

Garen: a slim alicorn with a straight, spiral-marked horn more similar to most unicorns’ horns in the MLP show, loose mane and tail, and wings flared up above her. Her cutie mark is a pair of roses, one in full bloom and one in bud. Text reads, in bullet points: Alicorn (born unicorn); face + body scars on other side whoops; cutie mark: the Yellow Rose.

End ID.)

[wizardsandglitter]

So I have been begging for a Jasper Redemption Arch the moment I saw her perfectly chisled face and I think there could be a pretty good way to go about that in Future now.

Remember in Rose's Fountain where all the corrupted Gems that had been bubbled at that point were healed along with Jasper? When Amethyst calmed her down from immediately going into fight mode?

So here is my idea.

Steven catches Amethyst running off and confronts her and knows she isn't being truthful. He follows and finds her heading right to Jasper's little cave and watches worried that Amethyst might get hurt but knowing if he just shows up it could set Jasper off so remind hidden in case his sister needs backup and watches. At first, Jasper is stand-offish. Talking down to Amethyst, even perhaps becoming hostile but we watch as the two begin to actually talk. Amethyst using what she learned from Steven and her own experience to deesculate the situation and calm her down. They talk about how Jasper feels, why she hasn't left earth yet, and even a little bit about Pink Diamond before the topic becomes too painful for Jasper or even both to bare. Kind of a time lapse, seeing the evolution of the conversation and coming into important parts. Eventually the sun begins to rise and after a long night of soul searching and possibly even tears, Amethyst has to say her goodbyes. Jasper tries to pretend she wants her to leave, "About time, runt." crossing her arms and trying to put up her walls again. Before amethyst leaves she hugs Jasper. This surprises the Big Buff Cheeto Puff but instead of pushing Amethyst away and getting angry or hostile, it's a small return of the gesture. A pat on the head, a one arm hug. It doesn't matter, Jasper accepts the affection even if reluctantly and with confustion.

And it's enough.

They fuse and it's someone wonderful, beautiful. And giant, cause quartz. Sadly, the fusion and all her glory doesn't last long and destabilizes and we see Jasper become hostile once again unable to cope with a POSITIVE fusion. It scares her, she's never felt like that before. Cared for, LOVED. She yells at Amethyst and lashes out but only verbally leaving the little purple goblin to feel like the progress they made was ruined and is dejected. It would be a good way to look at other sides of abuse, how people can mistrust kindness and genuine affection as they have no real experience with it or have only known it to be a guise of manipulation. Like a parent who only shows affection and pride when their child is being successful or just out right emotionally neglectful.

The episode ends with Steven understanding something good here has happened. A real positive interaction with Jasper even if it ended poorly. A real opening and stepping point for Jasper. Steven could also get jealous of this interacrion as he wants to help Jasper but he can't, there is too much anger and resentment and hate putting a rift between Amethyst and Steven as he's refusing to open up about his problems and feelings.

At least that's what I want.

[seksipomminpurkaja]

modern au sharni n nayden and buff + cheeto puff

bi unions

1. Who laughs at their own joke and who deadpans at the joke?

Bold of you to assume either could deadpan at the other’s joke, Sharni tries, oh my god does she try but end up cracking up anyways

Joe flings inappropriate jokes at Mae’s way every day she’s getting numb to them, deadpanning and then gently punching his arm but Joe knows she actually doesn’t mind them 

2. If they had a secret handshake, how would it go?

If Nayden had his way it would end up in a good ol dip n kiss, but it’s a little too extravagant. If something it would be a fistbump and then boop the others nose 

Jokingly, handshake, fistbump, l on the forehead and tongue out

3. It’s movie night, what movies are they gonna watch together?

The entire lord of the rings trilogy, extra points for them being the extended editions

Bunch of brainless action, with one romcom to spice it up in the middle to laugh at

4. It’s time to name their pet they adopted together, who gets to name it? How do they come to this decision?

The kids would pick the name, something super cheesy probably

Joe just started calling him buddy despite Mae trying to come up with actual names

5. Who would they love to go on a double date with?

Anze is a friend of Nayden’s, so outing with him and Nics wouldn’t bee out of the box, but they’re both rather busy. Lucas and Vitany could also accompany them but the dinner would turn into an arm wrestling competition by the end of the night. Also Helga and Eirik would be nice company too

Probably one of Joe’s sisters and their significant other

6. Who wakes the other up in the morning? How do they wake them up?

Usually Sharni is the first to wake but stays in the bed and wakes Nayden up by cuddling up to him. If Nayden is up first and Sharni has had a long night working a shift he’ll go make breakfast and bring it to bed

Joe has more irregular sleeping habits so it’s usually Mae, and she lets him sleep some time before It’s Time To Get Up, then she gently pokes him awake

7. How do they celebrate Halloween?

Dress up, accompany the kids to a trick or treat tour, get absolutely stuffed with candy (nayden and kids), and watch a movie

Dress up, they take turns who takes the kids out and who stays and gives out candy to the other kids. Get the kids to not eat all candy in one sitting and get them to bed. Make crude comments about the other’s costume and then it’s monster mash time

8. Who is more likely to call their partner ‘dude’?

Nayden, Sharni mostly just side-eyes him for that

Both, at the beginning dude was the most affectionate thing Joe could call Mae

9. During a thunderstorm how do they react? Is one scared? Do they both love it? Do they take pictures? ECT.

They just mostly ignore it, maybe plug off some smaller electronics 

“honey, there’s gonna be so many fucking bushfires”, “yeah.....”

10. Who would looking lovingly at their partner and call them ‘idiot’?

Sharni, it’s an endearment at this point

Mae, but sparingly, doesn’t want Joe to feel like she’s poking at his lower education

11. It’s time to get groceries, who likes to look at everything and who just wants to power through and get everything done so they can go back home?

Most of the time they just power through, two adults, four kids and a strict shopping list they’ve made beforehand 

Mae mostly powers though if it’s the weekly shopping, she doesn’t have a list but has every routine purchase in mind. Joe strikes me as a guy who also mostly sticks to routine but has a lookout for stuff on sale and new snacks or something

12. Who is more likely to make a mess in the kitchen?

Nayden, listen... his cooking is not a plan, it’s a feeling

Mae, but only because Joe prefers to make the food on the grill like a true aussie

13. Who likes to try to prank their partner?

They both do, but nothing big and humiliating, just like taping a kermit’s face on the other’s photos, beans stored where beans aren’t meant to be. Golden fish snacks on the others’ side of the bed “anything, fishy, in here?”

Idk about this.. 

14. When scrolling on their phone, who is more likely to show their partner a cute picture/video of an animal?

Nayden, especially all the ones that remind him of her or the kids

Mae, idk if Joe would even be on the lookout for cat videos

15. Who causes the tomfoolery and who has to try and stop the tomfoolery?

Nayden “the Tomfool “ Lukic, Sharni is sometimes a green stop sign tbh

At first Mae with all her being kicked out of bars and getting into loud arguments when In the bar. Now it’s more Joe and his hunt for BroNuts

[chocolatellamadragons]

In this essay, I will...

So I don't normally think that much about Steven Universe outside of watching the show but after looking at some theories I wanted to try my hand and making one of my own. This is a very long post guys.

*SPOILERS ARE LIKELY, YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED*

[[MORE]]

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

With that out of the way, let's talk about my favourite rock, Jasper.

I adore Jasper for how amazingly complex she is. The writers did a good job making a villain that from appearance alone should have just been Peridot's big dumb sidekick, but she was intelligent, driven, a leader and warrior with a lot of personal issues. So when I didn't see her in the movie I was a little sad. However, in the wake of that sadness, I'd like to propose some theories as to where she was, both during the movie and 2 year time-skip, and what will happen during the sixth season.

Now we know from Nephrite that not everyone made it out before the corruption occured, so Rose's fountain contained gems from both sides who warmed up to each other quickly despite only really just learning everyone's cool, no more fighting. Now while Jasper has been 'aware' far longer than they have, all of them were around to see Pink 'shattered' (I think Nephrite talks to Blue and Yellow about 'avenging pink diamond'). So I don't really buy into her continuing to hate Steven because of Rose/Pink because she wouldn't adapt that fast, since it's clear everyone else is just sorta "oh rose was pink? We're not corrupted? Everyones friends and the diamonds have said we're all allowed to express ourselves? Great, cool, sounds totally fine." Everyone is just immediatly ok with the idea of not being enemies and the new way of life era 3 will bring.

During the next 2 years, gems began to disband the old ways, dismantle the empire in its current form and started work on little homeworld. Theres a high chance many of the earth's former enemies stayed too, becoming crystal gems. Jasper however would probably still feel weird about the whole 'let's all be friends now' thing gojng on and go back to homeworld for 2 main reasons. 1, the changes would happen far slower there and give her a better chance to adjust and 2, that's where her friends are at, so she can feel more comfortable changing around people who feel the same way about all this. Maybe she'll stay, maybe she'll go back to earth, who knows?

Except homeworld doesn't welcome her back with open arms. We know that she's a celebrity back home due to her efforts in the gem war. She was respected because she tried to shatter Rose and never gave up. Now that was great back before everyone knew Steven/Rose was Pink. So homeworld now knows Jasper not as a hero, but an evil gem that tried to shatter pink and her son! How awful! So she would be shunned by almost everyone. Also, despite everyone being much nicer to their fellow gems, the class system is still in place. Jaspers are still pretty low in the chain. Her actions in the war are what made her a high ranking officer, but with everyone shunning her for what she tried to do she'd just go back to being a regular old soldier. Worse yet, what previously made her so highly thought of by gems lower than her, her perfection, is now just meaningless, so they too will start to treat her like a common quartz at best.

Now given the era 3 ways, this would definately get better with time. In fact if she'd stayed, she'd likely have run into Steven and perhaps made some amends in return for him defending her previous actions as misguided. But I doubt she'd have stayed. Jasper hates the idea of being weak, shown by her treatment of Amethyst, the corrupted gems and even Lapis to some extent. She'll return to earth because there, people won't treat her like some monster or lowly soldier. Amethyst called her sis, she knows she'd have a place there. But everything's changed too quickly for her. There's no conflict. Nothing to fight, no-one to protect and she's too set in her ways to just move on like the others.

During the rest of the timeskip and the movie, Jasper pulls an Amethyst and runs back to her hole in the kindergarten. That's the one place she fits in anymore. And there she remains, reflecting on everything and mulling it all over. Sure it's not the best way to go about recovery, but it works for her. Plus since when has Jasper been good at making healthy decisions.

In future, Jaspers redemption arc will likely start off with a visit from Steven. The villain for season 6 had made their presence known and Steven needs help from the strongest gem he knows. However, Jasper holds grudges, and would see Steven's request as manipulative and tell him to get lost. However, she won't hurt him. And that's a big step that everyone will recognise. The one's most likely to get through to her would be Amethyst or Lapis, the former being the most willing. It'll leave off with her allegiance as ambiguous. Is she a crystal gem? Isnt she? Who knows.

Later there with be a scuffle nearby, and after calling for help, Jasper will come to the rescue, only to be poofed. Her sacrifice is recognised by the gems and they no longer see her as some unknown potential threat, but an unlikely ally. This is further enforced when Jasper reforms sporting a star and a more 'corruption accommodating' look. She doesn't openly admit it, but she's a gem now. She'll need some guidance as she'll be more brutal than the other gems, but she'll get there.

She'd probably see a kindred spirit in Bismuth, both being incredibly strong with a passion for fighting and may be trusted with a nifty weapon upgrade. Amethyst will help her with her emotions, which will probably look like the dove self esteem short they both did. She'd be curious about fusion still, and bombard Garnet with questions. I also see her becoming friends with Lapis and Peridot again. At first they'd likely stay away from eachother. In fact it would be interesting to have Jasper talk about her experiences being alienated on homeworld expecting sympathy, only to be greeted with laughter and insult from Lapis as an act of revenge. Lapis wants nothing to do with her, but deep down knows she's falling back to how it was with malachite, how she took out her anger on Jasper and eventually the two would find common ground and stop hating eachother. Eventually she moves on to befriending Peri, which happens more naturally (plus imagine Jasper getting into all of Peri's nerdy shows)

I think fusions will come into play with Jasper. The most likely candidate for this being Amethyst, but I can also see her attempting to fuse with Garnet (she's the expert, she'd be a valuable teacher) Bismuth (two very strong gems, which could be good or bad) Peridot (bare with me, Peri expressed some interest, but is super nervous about it, Jasper's only been in two very nasty fusions, it might even be garnets idea to try to get them to fuse as a lesson in equal partnership) or even Steven (a last resort probably, or an accident, but it might give Jasper a better understanding of what goes on in Steven's head).

Malachite! This is much more far fetched, but I think it'd be nice to have Jasper and Lapis able to forgive one another to the point where thry are comfortable with fusion. Though this is far mor unlikely, imagine how awesome it'd be to have Alexandrite and Malachite alongside eachother again, only this time on the same side? That's more just wishful thinking on my part though.

So yeah, that about wraps up my stupidly detailed essay on my predictions for the big buff cheeto puff's redemption arc. I love her, she's great, please don't just make her one note evil Rebecca, please.

Feel free to add on whatever or criticize this, I just need Jazzy to be happy with her fam finally. Also it'd be cool if she got her dumb cape back. Like 'this is what hero type people wear right?'

[love-takes-work]

Steven Universe Podcast Volume 3: Episode 3: Jasper and Amethyst

This is Volume 3, Episode 3 of the official Steven Universe podcast, looking at Jasper in macro and micro--including Kimberly Brooks's experiences voicing her and some of the relationships she has with the other characters.

The official description:

Kimberly Brooks, who voices Jasper, joins Michaela Dietz, the voice of Amethyst, and Storyboard Artist and Character Designer, Amber Cragg to discuss Jasper! They breakdown Jasper as a character, her relationship with both Amethyst and Lapis, why she's so relatable to fans, and what they hope to see in Jasper's future (can you say "redemption arc" or maybe "yoga instructor"?). Plus, Kimberly shares the story of her audition, and what inspired Jasper's amazing voice.

This, as usual, is bit long so I’ll do my bullet points of interest, with longer descriptions after the jump.

Highlights:

Kimberly Brooks, voice of Jasper, is an experienced voice actor with more than twenty years in the business, and she was not familiar with Steven Universe before booking the role of Jasper.

Michaela Dietz was really impressed when Kimberly let loose with Jasper's voice in the booth despite having a very different speaking voice. Kimberly describes the role as "a departure."

Jasper is Amber Cragg's favorite character because of her single-mindedness and her being the perfect Homeworld soldier despite being from Earth, and because TV shows usually don't have super-strong female characters who aren't written as a joke.

At conventions, Kimberly always gets a very big response from Jasper fans.

Kimberly wants Jasper to have a redemption arc.

Kimberly's inspiration for Jasper's voice was a persuasive Sears refrigerator salesperson named Betty. She would love to track Betty down and say thank you for the inspiration.

Michaela and Kimberly did not record their characters' confrontation in the Kindergarten together.

Kimberly thinks Jasper should get a song.

Jasper's relationship with Lapis is acknowledged as toxic and pointed out by Kimberly as NOT just Jasper's fault. Those two bring out the worst in each other.

Kimberly loves that the Dove campaign brings out another side of Jasper.

Kimberly's line delivery in the Dove campaign made everyone laugh during the recording, which Michaela and Kimberly did together.

Kimberly thinks Jasper would behave very differently if she were just in a different situation, and that she needs a change of scene to show us a different side of her.

Michaela had to redo some of her lines during the Zoo arc because Kimberly's line delivery influenced her to voice some of the Amethysts "too low."

The detailed summary is below!

[Archive of Steven Universe Podcast Summaries]

McKenzie introduces her guests: Kimberly Brooks, Michaela Dietz, and Amber Cragg. Since Kimberly's the newbie who's never been on the podcast, McKenzie focuses on her first and asks for her background in voice acting. She says she's been in voice acting for 20+ years and did a voice on Rugrats. Michaela says she loves Kimberly's work on Voltron.

McKenzie prompts Kimberly to discuss her experience with Steven Universe and auditioning for it. She said she wasn't familiar with the show before booking the Jasper role (though her son was a fan!), and she remembers coming in to do her first recording with some of the other cast members. When Kimberly says she was given an explanation of the character, McKenzie wants to know what that sounded like. Kimberly was told Jasper is a mean, tough soldier with a single focus. Kimberly feels she almost never gets roles like Jasper and enjoys having the opportunity to do something different. Michaela remembers meeting Kimberly and hearing her talk in her normal voice, and then hearing her Jasper performance and being pretty blown away by it.

Then Amber Cragg gets a turn to share experiences. Amber was not aware of Jasper before starting on the show, but quickly got caught up and loved Jasper immediately. Jasper is Amber's favorite character. Amber loves Jasper because she's ashamed of being from Earth, the planet that caused Homeworld to lose a war, and yet she's a perfect soldier in the eyes of Homeworld. Jasper has a laser focus on her objectives and "steamrolls" into everything she does.

And then they joke about the fan phrase "Big Buff Cheeto Puff" to describe Jasper, with Amber claiming to dislike the name at first because Cheetos aren't scary.

Then McKenzie asks Kimberly to discuss how the role of Jasper stands out for her, and she says at conventions Jasper is a role she gets a huge response for. People relate to her because of having been through similar feelings, including abusive relationships, and Kimberly wants Jasper to get a redemption arc because she doesn't want her to be just hanging in limbo. Kimberly loves that even antagonists have a story to tell in this show. Amber points out that Jasper's unusual because cartoons don't usually have a super strong powerful female character who isn't a joke.

When asked to discuss the inspiration for Jasper's voice, Kimberly cites Betty, a Sears refrigerator salesperson, who had a very persuasive and gruff way of talking. Kimberly does some impressions of Betty selling refrigerators to demonstrate how compelling her schtick was. Betty popped up in Kimberly's head when she was trying to get a handle on the voice. (She did buy the refrigerator Betty recommended, incidentally, and loves it.) Kimberly would love to track Betty down and say thank you.

McKenzie turns the conversation toward Michaela for her thoughts on Amethyst as Jasper's foil. Michaela feels that Amethyst addressed some of her insecurities through the Jasper arc, and that literally fighting Jasper helped her come to terms with what she is and isn't. During their big confrontation in the Kindergarten, Kimberly and Michaela were not recording together--they did their parts alone, which they agree is harder. Kimberly remembers being coached by Rebecca that her big reads could be even bigger because there was so much riding on some of these moments, and Michaela remembers "lots of shouting" and feeling lots of warmth when she got to say "C'mere sis."

In discussing the differences and similarities between their characters, Michaela says it seems sort of like Jasper and Amethyst meeting family, even though Jasper is the "supreme being" of her Kindergarten and Amethyst is the runt of hers. Amber thinks the characters coming from their respective Kindergartens is very reflective of their characters--Jasper rising above an embarrassing origin but still feeling flawed, Amethyst emerging late and getting to meet Rose Quartz. What if Jasper had met Rose? Things could have been so different for each of them. And it was pretty cool that Jasper got to be the one to mention Pink Diamond for the first time--Amber calls it a "shivers down the back" moment. Watching her get corrupted is described as "painful" and "gross" but also they praise the artistry. And McKenzie thinks it's incredible that Peridot was actually the one who took Jasper down with a metal spike.

The guests and McKenzie also discuss the relationship between Peridot and Jasper (both being "stiffs" at the time they were on a ship together) and how Jasper comments on Peridot's loss of dignity only to poof in the most undignified way possible. And McKenzie thinks it's interesting that Jasper was agitated about Pink Diamond and that Gem was technically right in front of her. Kimberly says again that Jasper needs redemption . . . and a song. McKenzie wants to know if her singing voice would be rough, and Kimberly thinks it would depend on the context, or maybe she could rap.

Next, McKenzie wants to talk about Jasper's emotional arc, and asks Michaela to say what Steven and Amethyst learned from fighting Jasper. She says they revealed their vulnerability during that fight and combined over their shared feelings, becoming stronger for it. They learned they could rely on each other, and they hope the viewers internalize that message.

And McKenzie brings up Lapis and her toxic relationship with Jasper. She wants to know what message Kimberly wanted to come across at the end of that arc. Kimberly says the fans generally acknowledge that that relationship was NOT toxic just because of Jasper, and she says playing the bad guy is hard but she looks for her character's good qualities. Kimberly struggles with this, though, and asks Amber to help her "justify Jasper."

Amber acknowledges not actually writing on these episodes, but thinking about it a lot before she started writing was helpful. Amber thinks Lapis and Jasper had a relationship where they brought out the worst in each other. In discussing "Alone at Sea," Amber says Jasper knew Lapis very well because of their intimacy in fusion, but that she only saw that bad side of her. They'd talked about the wording Jasper would use to propose fusion--"fuse with me" in "Jailbreak" vs. "let's be Malachite again" in "Alone at Sea"--but she uses manipulative language to suggest Lapis couldn't be with anyone else, while Lapis is put off by the "evil" propositions. Kimberly agrees that the manipulative language was very front and center, but that it "takes two to tango," and Amber thinks Garnet's assessment is accurate: "Those two are really bad for each other."

Then finally they discuss the Dove campaign, which Michaela and Kimberly got to record together. Kimberly liked that it showed another side of Jasper. Everyone liked that Jasper's lines come across as hilarious in this context. Michaela reports laughing so much during that recording. They point out that it was sort of like a little redemption for Jasper, maybe a hint of what it would be like if she was redeemed on the show. Kimberly thinks she would behave very differently in a different situation. Maybe she could become an exercise instructor, yelling at people to do their exercises and calling them weak if they fail. But maybe no one would come back to the class if she did that. Michaela suggests she could be a Lamaze coach. Michaela calls Kimberly's line delivery "infectious" and says she had to do some of the Zoo lines over again because she delivered her own lines too low under Kimberly's influence.

The guests all take turns saying "it's always a pleasure" on their way out, and Kimberly does it in Jasper's voice.

[Archive of Steven Universe Podcast Summaries]

[rattle-me-bones]

G, H for all of them~

Excuse me?

E x c u s e  m e ?

E  X  C  U  S  E    M  E  ?  ?  ?

All of them? Alrighty you lil poop, I’ll do it. (At least all the ones on my characters page)

I’ll start with H first since It’s the most positive!

H) What trait do you admire most?

Garlinde: Garlinde is so on point with her fashion and I love it. I often write this with her kind of suggesting that fashion should be considered a school of magic. We both pretty much only wear black so ofc I like that side of her.

Avvilia: She got 4,000 years to transition and didn’t really let anyone talk shit about her being trans. I wish I had my shit together like that :weary:

Eseeria: Being such a ray of fucking sunshine and being able to see the best in people and generally being a healer through and through has made Ese one of my most fave characters to play ever!

Lorenn: She’s a fucking idiot just like me but except she hardly ever fears the unknown even if it’s a super spooky evil book which probably curses her, but she’s already pretty cursed so I’m sure she’s fine!

Caireann: She’s a Death Knight who doesn’t like her unlife, she doesn’t feel it’s fair that all people raised as Death Knights have to serve as killing machines after they freed themselves from the Lich King. She wants to take control of her own life and live happily, a peaceful life. I admire that shit.

Bremmy: Sure she hyperfixates on things but damn I wish I could actually do that if it meant I would finish things more often 

Kreszentia: I’m kind of reworking her but I appreciate her being much more of a nice person in death than she was in life, leaving behind literally killing people for the benefit of her own business and now she just likes being a spy and dogs.

Raphaela: Only the coolest cats go from being a fucking scrub to working their way up a cult until she became the overlord of it all. It was some crazy amount of character growth over the years I played her.

Veluruun: Apart from the giant horns and crests? I like that being seperated from her daughter made her a more compassionate person, as cruel of a situation as it is. She’s the mom friend, but she’s also the mom friend because she misses having a daughter. It’s something I admire but it’s sad too.

Aluruun: Being like a 12ft tall demon is always something to admire…

Magrogar: Maggy did a lot of bad shit on draenor, more specifically the things they did to the draenei. It haunts her and she wants to be a better person, it’s really hard for her to do that especially when she still has demon blood in her, she tries her best though and that’s the most I could ask of her.

Huwan: She’s tough on the outside and soft in the middle. It takes some effort to get to that middle but she is surprisingly affectionate when it happens!

Kaey’len: She’s been through some shit and is all like artificially aged, not to mention all the stuff in Outland serving under Kael’thas made her unable to relate to a lot of citizens. Despite this she always feels pretty humbled by people who chat with her because she hardly sees herself as a person anymore. I admire that she has hope that things can get better for her.

Yovia: She was made blind by the mana-bomb that was dropped on Theramore. She continues her life as a priest, only by sheer discipline and routine at first but it really helped her to not be as incredibly depressed as she could have been. 

Jaecy: Jaecy doesn’t even give a fuck about gender, presents themselves however they want and even though they’re built as fuck but also have a super pretty and soft face? Love it.

Röshka: At their happiness when she’s helping people and/or making fires. She enjoys the simple things in life and doesn’t want things to be too complicated. She’s super chill and content!

Verr’ash: Wasn’t brought up around orcs but when she found out about the history of her people it made her pretty mad and she wanted to kind of go a different path from what the history of the orcs had been (genocide and demon blood etc) so becoming a monk was a pretty big thing for her! It was a bold step away from traditions that still mirrored some of the less than pleasant aspects of orc history.

Tesrion: He’s going from being a shitty ponce who looks the other way when shit happened under demon control of Suramar, but he always knew deep inside that things were wrong and he took a big leap out of the comforting and safe life of the upper class to help aid the rebellion.

Wuzala: Pun master and verbal shitposter. Chill 24/7. Need I say more?

G) What trait of theirs bothers you the most? (Or just a negative trait they have because that’s easier)

Garlinde: She never admits when she needs help.

Avvilia: Often uses brief flings with people to distract herself from self-destructive thoughts.

Eseeria: Believes she can save everyone and beats herself up when she can’t.

Lorenn: Potentially gets people in danger for being reckless. 

Caireann: Not remembering their previous life has made them pretty emotionally dead and they can often come across as cold or cruel because of it.

Bremmy: SHE NEED TO GO TO SLEEP! She only sleeps after crashing from being awake for like an entire week.

Kreszentia: Has a hard time remembering who’s her friend and who’s not sometimes.

Raphaela: Extremely paranoid to the point where she kills her underlings and raises them into servitude in case they’re plotting against her.

Veluruun: Often thinks that only her choices are the best choices.

Aluruun: Never forgives, ever!

Magrogar: Finds it hard to keep her cool, often gets violent quickly.

Huwan: Hardly ever lets anyone really get to know her cuz she thinks she needs to be big buff cheeto puff for those that don’t so she doesn’t really think about herself much.

Kaey’len: Finds it very hard to relate to a lot of people, she always was a bit distant emotionally but it got worse over the years.

Yovia: Her discipline often makes her a little quick to judge people who don’t have as strong a will as her.

Jaecy: Jaecy has a bit of an ego and any praise goes straight to their head… and their dick.

Röshka: Expects others to follow her example of living a simple life and chilling out.

Verr’ash: Blames herself waaaaay too easily.

Tesrion: Easily seduced by comfort and not having to worry about stuff, even if it’s bad in the long term.

Wuzala: A lazy butt who just wants people do to all the heavy lifting while she chills out.

[niightingvale]

Four Birds With One Stone

Gonna slide them under the cut to save anyone who doesn’t want to scroll for three hours. Order goes Cress, Lykran, Yihrkis, Aethrylis.

Thanks for asking, guys!

Full Name: Cressilyn “Cress” Joan Rhyx

Gender and Sexuality: Female, Pansexual

Pronouns: She/Her

Ethnicity/Species: Human, Caucasian

Birthplace and Birthdate: Olympia, Washington, April 19th, (Year Determinant on Universe)

Guilty Pleasures: Those old murder court shows like Cold Case

Phobias: Claustrophobia, general fear of being contained or restricted

What They Would Be Famous For: Leading an army of four-armed aliens against a corrupt government

What They Would Get Arrested For: Leading an army of four-armed aliens against a corrupt government. Nobody said it’d work.

OC You Ship Them With: @shadowtriads’s boys depending on the au and @alchemicalgator’s Hayden

OC Most Likely To Murder Them: Lykran definitely.

Favorite Movie/Book Genre: Mystery

Least Favorite Movie/Book Cliche: Female Protagonist Falls For Strong Buff Male Protagonist And Loses All Relevance To The Story

Talents and/or Powers: In most universes she has conditional invisibility and lightning, (Arc Abilities) but across all she has really high endurance and an uncanny ‘power’ of sorts to talk people into her cause without realizing it.

Why Someone Might Love Them: She’s a dedicated leader and will literally “Rhyx” her life protecting those she cares for

Why Someone Might Hate Them: She’s a sarcastic little shit and if not for her allies she would probably be dead several times over, added to the fact that she gets herself into situations and then messes everything up.

How They Change: Most of the time, she goes from a scared and battered up girl into someone who has to pave her own way in a sea of other strugglers. She carves out a niche for herself, and goes from running away from her problems to running towards them

Why You Love Them: Cress is my baby. I exhibit a lot of feelings through her, as well as personal things as far as attributes and her history. Her middle name, her lightning powers, and her ability to lead is a play on Joan of Arc, the French leader and sainted martyr.

Full Name: Lykran Cain Arwinsen

Gender and Sexuality: Male, Heterosexual

Pronouns: He/Him

Ethnicity/Species: Human Caucasian

Birthplace and Birthdate: Olympia, Washington, August 25th, (Year Determinant on Universe)

Guilty Pleasures: Gardening, believe it or not.

Phobias: He *hates* being touched. If you want to keep your hand, don’t do it. He’s fine with touching other people, just don’t do it to him.

What They Would Be Famous For: ‘Rescuing’ his ex wife after she had been missing for almost a decade

What They Would Get Arrested For: Defying a restraining order

OC You Ship Them With: Cressilyn

OC Most Likely To Murder Them: Also Cressilyn

Favorite Movie/Book Genre: Action

Least Favorite Movie/Book Cliche: Anything where the antagonist is only 1 dimensional

Talents and/or Powers: Fire magic, he’s got a lot of physical strength, and you can’t say he isn’t determined.

Why Someone Might Love Them: If you love really fucked up villains then here’s your man

Why Someone Might Hate Them: He’s an absolute asshole and anyone with any self respect would want him in the ground if they knew what he did

How They Change: He changes for the worse, going from a teenage kid with a crush and an attitude problem to stalking his ex because he can’t accept a ‘no’.

Why You Love Them: He’s my shithead and it amuses me when my RP partners yell about how much they hate him. I also like the potential he has to spiral into a real villain sometime soon.

Full Name: Yihrkis, Mother of Devils

Gender and Sexuality: Female, Bi

Pronouns: She/Her

Ethnicity/Species: Eliksni of House Devils

Birthplace and Birthdate: Somewhere in the Cosmodrome, Year 30??

Guilty Pleasures: Buying scented candles

Phobias: she’s afraid of losing her family

What They Would Be Famous For: Local Alien Mom Gives Birth To 30+ Babies

What They Would Get Arrested For: Fighting a PTA mom in a target parking lot

OC You Ship Them With: @shadowtriads’s Idrovos

OC Most Likely To Murder Them: Lykran

Favorite Movie/Book Genre: Childrens. It’s an acquired taste after having to read so many bedtime stories to so many children.

Least Favorite Movie/Book Cliche: Unnecessary Gore

Talents and/or Powers: She’s pumped out 30+ alien babies, that’s something. She has a very calming presence as well.

Why Someone Might Love Them: She’s the calming mom friend of the house

Why Someone Might Hate Them: She does a better job than you do taking care of your kid

How They Change: She hasn’t gone through much of a change except being removed from active duty

Why You Love Them: She’s a caring ball of cinnamon and flowers wrapped up into a tiny little vandal

Full Name: Aethrylis, Relentless Baroness

Gender and Sexuality: Female, Bi

Pronouns: She/Her

Ethnicity/Species:Eliksni of House Devils

Birthplace and Birthdate: Somewhere in the Cosmodrome, Year 30??

Guilty Pleasures: Finding secluded areas to burn things and smell the smoke

Phobias: She doesn’t like deep water. Lakes? Fine. Ocean? Noooo honey.

What They Would Be Famous For:

What They Would Get Arrested For:

OC You Ship Them With: @shadowtriads’s Vrolax

OC Most Likely To Murder Them:

Favorite Movie/Book Genre: Action

Least Favorite Movie/Book Cliche: Protagonist’s Friend Succumbs To Minor Wound

Talents and/or Powers: Big buff cheeto puff alien bug wife

Why Someone Might Love Them: See above

Why Someone Might Hate Them: She’s intimidating and bossy at times

How They Change: She hasn’t had to change much, as I don’t have a focal story on her, but she went from a standoffish, didn’t-want-a-mate-at-all Captain, to a Baroness, to the Kell’s Mate and Head of his Guard

Why You Love Them: Strong Bug Wife,, also technically my first Eliksni OC that was named.

[sinnhelmingrmoved]

Domestic ship meme: Helion. GO

domestic ll accepting.

tiny scary goth queen / big buff cheeto puff

Who’s more dominant: Outside of the bedroom, just as a general personality trait, Hel is. Destruction was a ruler longer, but he’s also very chill, where Hel is able to put her foot down. Sexually… Unpopular opinion: Destruction is a sub. Hel is also a sub. There have been evenings where they flip a coin to see who has to be a switch.

Who’s the cuddler: Hel. She would be wrapped around Destruction 24/7 if they were able. 

Who’s the big spoon/little spoon: Hel tried to be big spoon at first, but Destruction is too solidly built. There is no dorito waist for her to wrap her arms around. Instead, Destruction gets to be big spoon, and likes to cuddle up close to Hel while they sleep – which pisses her off a lot of mornings as time goes on, because he is a very deep sleeper while she’s an early riser. So she’s entangled in his massive arms as he snoozes away and she wants to start the day. There’s a reason she keeps a book on her nightstand wherever they go.

What’s their favorite non-sexual activity: Adventuring! The pair love to just pick a destination and go, whether they make a day trip of it or an actual holiday. Destruction is very interested in showing Hel all the beauty the galaxy has to offer, and she is devoted to showing him her favorite places on Midgard and slowly reeling him back down from his absconding to the stars.

Who uses all the hot water: Hel. Her baths are notoriously long, and Destruction has started joining her for them just to get some kind of comfort in his life. Cold showers benefit neither of them, but you cannot convince her highness of that.

Most trivial thing they fight over: Iambic pentameter. Sometimes, it’s like Morpheus never left, or so Destruction snarks when Hel proofreads his work. It is this comparison to his worst brother that will set Hel off every time. All of this over Hel critiquing one of his poems.

Who does most of the cleaning: Destruction, at least until Hel gets into the hang of it. She’s always been tidy, but with the trade off that she’s also always had servants on hand. Plus I mean who better at getting rid of messes and dust than a literal embodiment of Destruction? Shit is effectively going to be nuked from orbit.

What has a season pass on their dvr/Who controls the netflix queue: Destruction. He always finds the neatest documentaries or indie movies that they can cuddle up and watch when they have some downtime.

Who calls up the super/landlord when the heat’s not working: Hel, lest Destruction make the issue worse by trying to play handyman. It’s a race to get the super called before Destruction can get started ‘fixing’ the heater. She usually sounds like someone calling 911 – soft, panicked ‘The heater’s gone you need to get over here before he finds the toolbox–’

Who leaves their stuff around: Neither really? Destruction is a bit less focused, though, so he might put something down to come back to later. It’s still not technically leaving it around, though, as he does actually come back to it pretty quickly in most cases. 

Who remembers to buy the milk: Destruction. Hel had servants all her life. I need to reiterate that here because it’s the only weak excuse she has to stand on for how clueless she is when it comes to shopping, sometimes.

Who remembers anniversaries: Hel. Not by any fault of Destruction’s though -- I imagine once you hit his age, years fly by like seconds. It can be hard for him to realize the ebb and flow of his father’s domain, and Hel has the upper hand there. Even as old as she is, time still holds some sway over her. Her little brothers have saved his ass multiple times during more modern eras by setting up phone reminders for him.

Who cooks normally: Destruction. Always Destruction. Hel actually appreciates his food, unlike some siblings, and for this he’s eternally grateful. This is also on account of Hel being a downright lethal chef, and even the physical embodiment of entropy has been staggered by something as impossible to fuck up as her chicken soup in the past.

How often do they fight: Rarely-ish? I mean, they’re both rather chill at heart, and both of them have rather cold natures when it comes to anger. It’d have to be something major for them to have a row, like an honest to God fight -- flyting is not actually arguing, even if Destruction totally started it by comparing her to Morpheus.

What do they do when they’re away from each other: Hel runs her realm and plays her politics, he dedicates himself to his art and his travels. She’s the loyal homebody, he’s the vagabond bohemian.

Nicknames for each other: She calls him soft, loving names that highlight his desire to separate himself from his function --  My Lamb, My Poet, My Wanderer. Destruction, on the other hand, is the embodiment of the “I use hun not hon because you are not my honey, you are my fierce warrior” text post. Empower the lady. Let her know she is the baddest.

Who is more likely to pay for dinner: Destruction. Not out of any misguided sense of chivalry, but because Helheim is broke and Hel has like... 0 money on her own. It’s a necessity.

Who steals the covers at night: Hel. She gets cold, ok? Destruction has no idea how that is possible since he’s basically a personal heater, but you do you, Hel.

What would they get each other for gifts: Hel gives Destruction anything that furthers his interests in the arts -- fine canvases, arrays of paint, a quiet studio wherever they settle. Alternatively, she’ll give him something to do with his interest in travel, be it guidebooks, old or current maps, star charts.. This often influences what Hel herself receives, usually any of his hideous quirky art pieces, or a souvenir or curiosity from his travels. Perhaps not the most exciting method of gift giving, as a quid pro quo arrangement, but they like it.

Who kissed who first: Destruction. He looked at her all excited and bright-eyed about something on one of their rendezvous in other worlds, and decided she was simply the most kissable woman he had ever seen. So he caught her mouth as stars flared overhead, and he froze her to the spot, and that was that.

Who made the first move: In hindsight, Destruction, even if neither of them realized it. He was the one who invited her out of Eljudnir to go exploring with him, which led to their repeated meet-ups whenever he was in her plane of reality, and eventually they both started to realize those were dates.

Who remembers things: Destruction, so long as it’s not an anniversary. Mind like a steel trap, that one -- though Hel’s memory is almost as long, and her grasp can be far tighter when slighted.

Who started the relationship: Again, Destruction. He did a lot of the pursuing while Hel was still nervously convinced that she was fundamentally unlovable, at least by a man of his standing and frankly gorgeous appearance. She resigned herself to unrequited love wrapped up in friendship where he was equally as smitten and failed to alert her of this for some time.

Who cusses more: Neither? They’re both relatively clean mouthed. Destruction is far more likely to drop a minor curse here and there, though.

What would they do if the other one was hurt: Destruction would automatically ensure Hel is ok, then launch an offensive against whoever dared to hurt her in any way. He’s been more than willing to throw down with Odin himself over past slights against Hel, so gods help whoever tries to have a go at her after he enters the picture. Hel, by contrast, is less a fighter and more a caretaker, and her first and only priority would be defending her lover and seeing to his well-being. 

Who is the dirty talker: Destruction tries, but bless him, he’s a little too boisterous. His voice and overall range is not suited to it. More often than not, he ends up giving his partner the giggles. Hel, meanwhile, learns how to master the art, and can make Destruction putty in her hands. Her voice ends up his kink once she takes on that ‘bedroom tone.’ I blame Hel like 100% for every encounter that led to them making babies -- it didn’t start with a kiss, it started with Hel muttering in her darling’s ear and playing him like a fiddle.

A head canon: Just as Destruction helps Hel work through her deep emotional trauma and her unhealthy repression tactics to get her to a healthier frame of mind, Hel starts Destruction down the path of healing his own emotional issues. Namely, the fact he wore himself out with his family and worked so hard to be the caretaker, and how it took so much out of him. They give as good as they get to help support each other on a road to recovery.

[introvert-celeste]

I love that all quartzes have raspy voices, even Holly Blue. 

 I also love that they're all super strong and buff and the all have floofy hair. 

 I love that Amethyst's wrestling persona is a big, buff, hairy dude and nobody has a problem with it.

 I love that Rose Quartz is also big, buff, and chubby and she's still regarded as super attractive, and that, despite being dainty and pink and floaty, she still has a raspy voice and punches things when she gets frustrated. 

 I love that Jasper, an angry big, buff cheeto puff that is an antagonist but not the MAIN one still has an interesting and complex backstory and we're likely to hear more about her later. 

 Honorable mention: I LOVE Bismuth's design, she's so big! She's not conventionally attractive, yet little dainty Pearl was flirting with her all day. I LOVE THAT!!!

[galaxies-of-fandoms]

Okay but like.... this theory is more valid than I think y’all realize. You know how Bismuth called our Amethyst “deep cut” and that not all gems can wield a whip like hers? One of the only other characters we’ve seen with a whip is Holly Blue Agate. Yellow describes agates as gems that terrify. Holly Blue has been stuck in a rut for years with the same gems and they’ve obviously all become somewhat fond of each other (more like a McGonagall kind of fond) so she’s lost her edge, but she’s still considered a stronger, controlling gem. With what we know of Homeworld culture, it isn’t too far off to consider that they rely on fear to control. Agates generally must be powerful to instill fear in soldiers (even our big buff Cheeto puff Jasper, but that’s another theory)

Essentially: Amethyst may be small, but she’s stronger than even she knows.

And unlike era 2 gems like Peridot, she was created with full access to resources. She’s got more packed into a smaller body.

Let’s apply this to the diamond, White Diamond. She’s likely the first gem ever, which probably means she’s had the most resources pumped into her. But whoever created her may have tried to make her the absolute best, and she is. She’s the most powerful gem of all.

And imagine if all that power was placed inside of a much smaller vessel than we see. Whoever created her then imparts on her the knowledge on how to create more/different gems. The first series of gems are much less powerful than her but are larger and maybe less intelligent, so they disrespect her. It becomes so bad that maybe she becomes cold and heartless and destroys them all. She starts over, but this time she created a projection that is massive and intimidating and makes her look like a literal goddess. She creates new gems that she modified to understand their role in her society. In order to expand though, she needed more leader gems like her. She couldn’t leave because of her projection (which honestly is not even a scratch on her true power) has become a symbol of power and she can’t create more projections without being suspected. She created larger, less perfect diamonds to help her rule, but then they wanted a fourth diamond to balance them so White authorized them to try and make one themselves. With less knowledge of how to create a “perfect gem” like them, they tried to create a red diamond (because primary colors) but ended up with Pink. Maybe they chose the wrong place for a diamond to be born or maybe they got something in the “formula” a little wrong.

But yeah, it’s very possible that the most powerful gem is not much taller than Steven

Guys I have a theory

[elizas-writing]

Steven Bomb 5: What Next?

Another Steven Bomb has come and gone and holy crap, so much just happened which needed time to process.

With the reveal of Blue Diamond, the human zoo, and some insight to Homeworld, these episodes were incredibly plot heavy. It makes me curious as to how close we’re getting to the end of the series. How long will it take to get there? I don’t know, but I definitely see more turning points like this in the near future for us fans, especially with some of the episodes set to air later this month. So what can we expect or at least hope for in future episodes after some of the reveals from Steven Bomb 5? So I compiled a top five list (in no particular order) of what we might see or hope for in Steven Universe.

1. Redemptions for Bismuth and Sugilite

As much as I like these characters, I agree with a lot of criticisms that these two were presented in a negative light and not given a fair chance. Yes, they’re both voiced by relatively high profile celebrities, Uzo Aduba and Nicki Minaj respectively, and are more expensive to get, but there are still big issues to address concerning these two (and before you ask, no I didn’t forget about Jasper; I got more stuff with her along with some of the stuff in the recent Steven Bomb).

Bismuth, both the character and the episode, especially took a lot of criticism when revealing her intentions to shatter Homeworld gems and presenting kinda confused morals on whether it’s right to kill your oppressors and all that stuff from “the discourse” that arrived shortly afterwards. Granted, the actions of the Diamonds are inexcusable, but then again the show is mostly from the perspective of a 14-year-old who’s still learning a lot about the world and what are the right decisions to make. This also conflicts in the episodes to follow when we find out Rose Quartz shattered Pink Diamond which adds a whole new level of moral complexity. I don’t mind if that’s what the creators are going for, but there’s gotta be consistency in the follow ups, especially when it’s a major source of stress for Steven. Plus, I might actually be mad if they never take the chance to have Uzo as Bismuth sing. Don’t let that gorgeous voice go to waste!

Sugilite is definitely a more difficult character to work around getting more appearances because of her voice actress. Hell, even the show itself joked about how expensive Nicki is, and it sounds like if they had enough resources, they would definitely give Sugilite more screen time. It’s still troubling to some that there was no serious reconciliation with this character and how she treated Pearl or how Garnet and Amethyst’s personalities clashed. So much has changed between then and now, and we’ve seen the Crystal Gems fuse as Alexandrite just fine with little to no problems. And Amethyst grew so much to learn to love herself, so Sugilite would likely be way more stable. Even if they can’t get the voice, some explicit acknowledgement on her wrongdoings would put a lot of fans at ease and we wouldn’t have to keep associating this character with the bad times.

And speaking of Amethyst...

2. The Gems of Earth, Including Big Buff Cheeto Puff Jasper

So I kept Jasper in a separate category, because if seeing Blue Diamond’s Quartz soldiers proved anything, she was kinda full of it when giving Amethyst crap for not being “the perfect soldier.”

Other than her height, Amethyst is really not that much different from the other Kindergarten gems. They’re reckless jokesters who aren’t always “polite and proper.” They’re very quick to help the Crystal Gems even though aiding traitorous rebels could have serious repercussions. And most shocking, they’re nurturing! Not once did they use excessive force to calm down the humans in the zoo!

On top of which, they’re all kinda treated like crap because they’re from Earth (regardless if Prime or Beta), especially by Yellow Diamond who has a ton of resentment of anything having to do with Pink Diamond as is (I mean, hell, all of the Rose Quartzes in the history of ever are bubbled up [sorry to fan artists who speculated “what if” scenarios if Steven met a Rose Quartz soldier, I don’t think we’re gonna get that]).

So, what makes Jasper so different from the rest besides her size and strength?

With Yellow in charge of the military, it makes sense to have the most powerful gems like Jasper to fight. And Jasper was so fueled by grief over Pink and hatred of Rose, much like Yellow. You don’t really see that behavior with the rest of the Kindergarten gems. So what was Jasper’s relationship with Pink? And does it have to do with whatever her issues are about fusion? Knowing more about her past can really factor in how her redemption plays out. Given that she became corrupted, it’ll probably take longer to get there than Peridot or Lapis, but I do want to see her heal, move on, understand who Steven is, and get more insight on the events leading up to the Gem War from a different perspective.

3. More on the Diamond Authority and another return to Earth

So it’s pretty obvious that the Diamond Authority isn’t exactly stable. Blue spends a lot of time grieving and away from her subjects, weakening her role as a leader. Even Holly Blue Agate seems to revere Yellow way more than Blue (not surprising given Yellow’s intimidating presence). It’s also obvious that Yellow is still just as torn up about Pink but still has an image to uphold and an aggressive way to deal with her grief, just destroy anything having to do with the Earth. It makes an interesting dynamic since Blue wants to preserve everything in Pink’s memory.

I’m glad I found this particular GIF cause “What’s the Use of Feeling Blue” brings up a line that caught my eye: “we still love her.” Keep in mind that just two episodes ago, Ruby ranted about how cruel Blue was to her and Sapphire and “she hates fusion and love.” What kind of love is Yellow singing about here? Maybe I’m just overthinking it, but it’s interesting to think about what kind of relationship the Diamonds have with each other and if it reaches beyond just being leaders.

Also, where the hell is White Diamond? Isn’t it weird that we know so little about a Diamond who’s supposedly still alive but we know a lot about Pink Diamond who’s shattered? All we have of White is a mural. Why is her introduction still withheld this far into the series?

This definitely won’t be the last we see of the Diamonds since there’s still so much to learn, but there’s another big reveal: They don’t know what really happened to the Cluster. On top of this and Jasper still missing, they’re gonna find out something’s wrong and send more gems to investigate or maybe even go back themselves. Another war for Earth anyone?

4. Crystal Gems Pearl and Homeworld Pearls

Yeah, I know there are a lot of Pearl-centric episodes. As much as I do like her growth, she does get way more screen time compared to the others. However, if there’s one, maybe two more Pearl episodes we really need, it’s any with her interacting with Homeworld Pearls.

We’ve seen Ruby engage with other Rubies, Amethyst and the Kindergarten gems, so why not Pearl with Homeworld Pearls? Imagine their reactions seeing one of their own who belongs to no one, speaks her mind, fights, is innovative, and about a million things a Pearl is not traditionally supposed to do or be. Would they be shocked? Confused? Disgusted? Inspired? She makes one of the most drastic leaps from her original role on Homeworld. And it would finally answer who she served, what she was like before-- given that Pearls seem to mimic the same behavior as their masters-- and how she came to join the rebellion.

Which leads to the fifth and final hope for the future of Steven Universe...

5. Rose’s secrets and choices

It’s a given that slowly but surely more will be revealed about Rose since we learned she shattered Pink Diamond, and especially with Steven’s first major confrontation with the Crystal Gems after his dream of Blue Diamond. He deserves to know everything as he’s too old to try to hide secrets anymore. Heck, one of the upcoming episodes includes Steven going into his room in the temple again. It seems with each episode of her or mention of her, we’re left with more questions than answers.

What led her to kill Pink Diamond? Was it with full intention or an accident or even planned with Pink’s involvement? What was her relationship with Pink Diamond as a Quartz soldier?

Lions????

Did she know she had powers to go into other peoples’ dreams or connect with others on an emotional level? How the hell does this power work? Because “just for plot convenience” ain’t gonna cut it, and I’m sure the Crewniverse is well aware they’ll have to dive into how this power works.

How did she ultimately decide to have Steven and figure out she wouldn’t be able to exist anymore? If Sour Cream was an infant when Rose first found out about babies and human growth and he’s about six, maybe seven years old by the time Steven is born (as seen in Three Gems and a Baby), then it’s such a short time Greg and Rose had together before deciding on this.

Rose is one of the major catalysts for the show’s world building and everything leading up until now. We need answers as much as Steven does and reassurance that everything she did was for the good of the Earth and her supporters (I don’t buy into the whole “Rose is evil” theories that seem to circulate every so often, but she’s definitely an incredibly mysterious character we only know so much about).

And that’s all folks! God this became another long one. Let me know what you think and any expansions or theories of everything I wrote.