#she’s so off today and not eating and was talking about support systems in a way that sounds like she currently doesn’t have one

[bitchycasenthusiast]

Worried about my sister again

[bronx-bomber87]

Happy Wednesday my lovely readers :) Ahhh already 4 eps into this season. Almost half way there. Doesn’t take long when we only got 10. Ha Still grateful for what little we got was better than nothing tbh. Also reached the limit on my master post for links. Apparently there is a limit. Boo. Gotta add a link to a new posts in there for rest of the reviews. Was kinda shocked at the lower amount of gifs for this ones. So a lot are the made ones from me. Anyways this is really really good one. Let us begin.

6x04 Training Day

We start out with Lucy being a lying liar who lies. Not even well.... Tim not believing her even a little bit that she’s "fine." One of Lucy’s tells is her fidgeting. Whether it’s her hands, her sleeves, and the ever infamous tattoo touch she does. All indicators she is anything but fine. Tim is well versed in all of these things. Because he has the book of Lucy memorized. Her telling him it’s ’Not a big deal.’ Is a big ol red flag for him.

Tim voicing as such to her. Letting her know anytime he’s heard that from a woman in his life they were anything but that. Lucy keeps pretending she’s made peace with it. That’s she’s a professional. She will keep on keeping on. But as we know with this episode that is a load of absolute BS. It's one thing after another for her in this one only adding to very 'not fine' she is. Poor girl.

They do turn a cute corner with her asking if he wants her to be upset? Tim replying of course he doesn't. But the man is worried. Rightfully so. The smile on her face when she asks this is adorable though. They have a nice little moment of reprieve till numbskull Nolan appears. Bringing up the very thing that is eating at her. Her short ‘I’m fine.' Before taking off. Ugh. Undoing any progress Tim made. Thanks John forever the worst with that stuff. Smh. The way Tim’s eyes follow her after that. *sigh*

So begins the hell episode for Lucy. She shows up to the scene asking about their killer. Then asks Harper/Angela if they want her to start canvassing? They tell her yeah the northwest corner. Lucy making a crack no one has covered it yet because it’s by the ‘Hell dumpsters’. Their sassy looks say everything. Lucy spitting back a company line about being a patrol officer. Oh my girl. It’s hitting her so hard she’s still a patrol officer. Feeling like at this point in her career her talents are being wasted. I mean they are…That much is clear in this moment.

Her expression at the end of the scene says everything tbh. About all that frustration and feeling like a failure. This is the starting point of Lucy isolating herself. I know everyone thought she had zero support. To me and I know others said it during the season too. That she isolated herself. Because just like Tim when she is going through something she does it alone. She is internalizing EVERYTHING right now. I have been known to do this as well. The need to shutdown and do it alone. I can relate to her.

She has a solid support system but that doesn’t mean she’s taking advantage of said system. I can relate to that very well too. It took awhile but I now have a solid system. I don’t always rely on them in times of emotional distress. It’s a learned skill. One I'm still learning to use. We talk about Tim and his need for therapy. Lucy needs it too. They’re scarily alike in their unhealthy coping mechanisms. It’s frightening really. Also the song running through this is so good (Dandelion-ill peach)

This next portion is the beginning of her spiral as well. It’s wrapped inside her isolation. It’s a recipe for disaster as we see later on... The isolation continues while she is guarding the dumpsters solo. If there was ever a time Lucy didn’t need to be alone with her thoughts it would be today. She spots some puke and thinks it might be from the killer. Calls Harper and tells her as such.

Harper tells her it’s unlikely to be related but they’ll need to process it anyways. Unfortunately it is only going to extend her time in hell. Nyla telling her could take a couple hours. 4 tops…Ugh. Not exactly what her day needs. Doesn’t help Harper cuts her off on the phone before she can finish her sentence. *sigh* Now Lucy is left to sit in her thoughts and stew in her emotions. I believe this episode was setup to reflect how Lucy is feeling.

Which honestly is like shit. How she feels alone (self inflicted or not), how she’s falling behind and feelings of failure. It’s reflected in all her scenes in this one. It’s a tough one to watch for her. She’s feeling very segregated and this dumpster canvass isn’t helping. As we know our girl isn’t very good at spotting when she’s being emotionally blind to her own feelings. Nor realizing when she’s not reaching out for the help she needs. The thing about support systems is they can’t be mind readers. You gotta relay when you need that support.

Lucy watching that press conference is killing me softly. You can see so much emotion written all over her face. The jealously and the annoyance of not being the one up there. Because well she almost was. It was just dumb luck (title of Nolan’s career) that they got that call and she didn’t. Ain't nothing going our girl's way today and it shows. She is a seething cauldron of emotions that she is tamping down under the guise of being ‘fine’

I do LOVE her waiting on Tim so they can go home together. (Also the hands in his jeans, the shirt, the jacket. Mmm gimme) It’s the little married things that get me all amped up. Waiting on her man to go home. It makes me so happy and squee. She needs it more than ever too. I swear at this moment in time the only keeping her sanity intact is that man.

He reads her like a book from moment he sees her though. Knows what her sour mood is all about. That if only Primm had seen her linked to this case. Seen this press conference it would’ve proved him wrong about her. Made him regret tanking her exam. Damn he knows his girl. Because that's exactly what her face is conveying in the very beginning of this scene.

Lucy notes instead of that she was stuck in dumpster hell. Not only that but she guarded puke for 3 hours. Based on the off chance it belonged to the killer. Tim asking if it did? Hoping to God it did LOL It’s the way Melissa delivers the sick dog line that cracks me up. How she could easily lose her shit right now. Like that was the straw that broke the camel's back for her today.

Ugh I hate it so much for her. She was already all up in her thoughts and failures. Probably thinking why her? What can’t she have even the simplest win? That she’s been resigned to guarding puke and it not even being helpful. That it should be her up there not Nolan. I mean I agree it should be. This is all just percolating toward the rash decision she makes later.

So damn desperate to prove she’s worth her salt. That this is the career for her. She’s meant to do so much more than patrol, canvassing, and general grunt work. Our girl is in dire straits and Tim can see it clear as day. Which is what makes this next portion so sweet and important tbh. Also doesn’t hurt there are more married vibes attached to it.

I love the gentle advice given here from Tim. She’s had a really bad day and he’s being sensitive to it. Doling out solid guidance but being soft about it. Applying logic with empathy so she gets his point but also doesn’t get more upset. Tim can see how this rough shift has rocked her. Especially when she is already on shaky ground. This man like I’ve been saying has been 10/10 for her. Idk what she would’ve done without him eps 1-4 I really don’t.

The beauty of this scene is him empathizing and building her back her up in the process. Reassuring her in the kindest way. That yeah you had a bad day, you’ll have 'em again, but tomorrow could be a whole new ball game for her. That being on patrol is an 'anything can happen game.' Knowing she is down about patrol right now. The man knows. Then is positive about it. Saying today wasn’t her day but tomorrow could be. I love this man so very much. As does Lucy.

I just love the ‘share our day’ marriage vibes this scene holds. Tim sees she had the tougher day and is there for her. Lucy getting lighter as they continue to talk. Something Tim is very good at. The best part of this scene is he gets her to laugh.

After he’s said his piece and comforted her he takes it a step further. Makes his lady laugh and we’re all here for it. Telling her not to be so greedy LOL It’s the way Lucy is looking at him that gets me in the first one. Her Tim smile in full force. Then their precious combined smiles in the second one. God damnit they’re so cute you guys.

I’m dying. They make each other so happy I wanna cry. The lack of space and how they bump arms as they laugh. Just being in love with all to see I cannot. Lucy being grateful for this goof of a man making her smile. For relieving her even if it's just for a short while of that weight on her soul. Letting him carry it with her for a bit. *heart clutch* I love them sfm.

First off before we delve into this part, I wanna say Lucy is an absolute BAMF is in the moments leading up to Harper/Angela arriving. How calm and collected she is. Making sure to cover Bailey as she gets her downed partner. If she could see herself in this moment she wouldn’t have so many doubts. But sadly that is not how crippling self esteem/confidence issues work. I just love watching her in the field and how well she handles herself.

Second my heart was racing from moment that man is shot in the chest. The entire moment is one giant adrenaline rush. Holy hell. Lucy covers for the duo until they reach her cover. Their airship is three minutes out and Lucy doesn’t think they can afford to wait. Wants to run down the alleyway solo. Cut him off so he doesn’t get away. That desperate need to prove herself rearing it’s ugly head.

Not only that but it is running the show for her right now. Harper immediately says no. That’s it's a 40 yard run in an open field. Lucy isn’t listening to her advice though. Level headed Lucy would've heeded her warning. Once again this season she is not with us in this moment. Saying to blow his head off if he pops up. That she’ll be alright. Angela doesn’t look pleased with this idea either. I mean look at her above. Concern written all over her. Her gut feeling screaming this isn't a good idea....But Lucy is hell bent on it.

This run had me holding my friggin breath. Tim would’ve lost his damn mind had he seen this. Not only that he would’ve ripped them a new one to letting her attempt it. When she got hit first time watched it I screamed. Held my breath until she got back up. Angela and Harper’s horrified faces mirrored my own. Couldn’t breathe till she popped back up. It was the most reckless risk she could've taken.

She is very very lucky her radio took the hit. It saved her damn life after that crazy run of hers. Lucy taking Tim's suggestion of being a big hero a little too literally. Honestly would’ve loved to have seen Tim tear them up for letting her do this... Reckless doesn’t seem strong enough of a word with this action. This decision of hers is a culmination of an episode long isolation. Of letting her emotions run the show and she took a risk that could've killed her. All to proof she could do it.

She had definitely given into those voices in her head telling her she’s not enough. Telling her she needs to prove herself or no one will ever think she’s worthy of moving up. To show she doesn't belong on patrol anymore. If she had just told her support system and really Tim how she was feeling. She wouldn’t have been this damn hasty. Lucy wasn’t thinking about what would happen if her radio didn’t catch that bullet. How utterly wrecked Tim would be if she had been hurt or even worse killed.

The problem being she kept all these emotions and struggles to herself. Which clouded her judgement. Her brain wasn't thinking in this capacity. This moment showing the continued communication problems in their relationship. How her decision could've really affected Tim. She wasn't thinking that in the moment though. Their communication issues go both ways with them. When they’re feeling emotionally distraught or vulnerable they isolate and take their problem on themselves.

Which results in foolish and hasty decisions. I.e. this moment above. And in next 2 eps with Tim...Something they gotta work on either before they’re back together or in the early repairing of their relationship. We get to see her KIA radio once she is clear. It very much saved her life and is now useless to her. I do love how she communicates with them before she pursues Jeff. Harper commending her on being smart in this moment. I mean they're in it now. So every move she makes from here on out has to be smart.

Lucy catches Jeff in the alleyway just like she wanted. Unfortunately he doesn’t look like he is interested in surrendering. Melissa crushes this scene oh my lord. The shaky way her voice breaks when she tells him to stop. To put his weapon down. Trying so hard to prevent a deadly outcome. I’m getting 5x19 flashbacks for her in this moment. Lucy dealing with the same issue Tim had. A person willing to die instead of give up. Despite them wanting to concede.

Lucy is basically pleading with this man to give up. She doesn’t want to shoot him. Doesn’t want it to end this way. Lucy is an empath as we all know. So her shooting him right or not she is going to carry it on her soul regardless. It’ll be a stain on it because she would’ve done anything to avoid this.

Lucy is on the verge of tears when she calls out Code 4. That the shooter is down. Ugh my heart. Adrenaline from end to end with this moment. Having it finish with a bang made my stomach sink for her. We watch how it affected Harper in 6x01 and she’s seasoned. How it affected Tim in 5x19. It’s never anything I wanna see our characters go through. Felt like I couldn’t catch my breath even after he was done. Such a good scene though.

Then comes the best part of the episode. Tim storming in like the worried husband he is. He has her work bag and I wanna cry. He has a death grip on it as he searches for the desk. I just love that he made sure to grab her bag before rushing off to the hospital. Man is on a mission to find her. Nothing matters to him but her in this moment. It’s the way he goes to the desk and they direct him to her immediately. He thanks the nurse with his tap to the counter.

I can’t imagine how he was when he first got the news. The look of sheer worry painted across his face when he steps foot into that hospital. Worried Tim is everything and Eric conveyed so much in these first two gifs. The first one is all concern and anxiety. He can’t breathe until he has laid eyes on his girl. The second one is relief in finding her. Tim completely by passes the gaggle of people outside of her room.

Doesn’t check in with them or see what happened at the scene. All that matters to him is getting to her. It’s the way he stops before he enters in. Taking a beat for the first time since he arrived. Then steeling some resolve knowing he needs it be her rock in this moment. Once he does this he steps into her room. Checking in and asking her if she’s hurt? He’s so gentle and soft like we all expect at this point with him. Doesn't take his eyes off her for one second as he sets her bag down.

Per usual the music department be killing it out here with the song selection. The soothing guitar and the singers soft voice are the perfect backdrop to this scene. His voice is as tender and comforting as Tim's tone through out the scene. Once again Melissa and Eric are the epitome of chemistry. Their amazing acting chops shining through in this moment. Melissa got me crying and all in my feels. Once Tim knows she’s physically ok it’s time to take care of her emotionally. The hand to her hair has me reeling. The way he strokes her head it’s so intimate and gentle.

Telling her she didn’t have to take his suggestion so literally. My heart. It’s all ‘hands hands hands’ from here on out. Like I said in 6x02 their physical chemistry forever floors me. It’s also just so damn sweet. Like he has to be touching her in order to know she’s ok. To reassure himself that she’s actually sitting in front of him right now. Saw a great tag said whenever we get hands like this makes them feral. How I felt about this entire scene.

So many wonderful facets to fangirl about and be feral over tbh. The man can’t stop touching her and I’m here for it. From the moment he was allowed to he was off to the races. Makes my heart so happy. He’s so tactile with her. It makes me wanna scream into a pillow. Touch is one of his languages with her but also their love language as well. It shows constantly. Honestly getting this soft scene after that adrenaline fest was much needed. That whole shooting scene had my blood pressure up.

I’m just bawling for Lucy after this. We get to see all she's been holding in. How incredibly upset she is about this whole situation. It's here with Tim comforting her she finally lets her walls down. Because her protector is there. He is there to pick up her broken pieces and put her back together. I know that feeling. Where you've been keeping it together. Then your person comes and asks if you're ok? And you realize how much you're not and the floodgates open.

That's Lucy in this scene. With tears in her eyes she tells him she doesn’t feel like a hero. Tim’s hand hasn’t left her at all btw. They both need this touch to ground them right now. I love how he rubs his thumb up and down her shoulder. Comforting her while she tells him her worst fear. The one thing that's been weighing on her soul since she released that shot in the alley. That she killed Jeff Budney. Asking Tim what if she killed him?

Tim crushing it with the comforting and being calm in his reply. So certain that no matter the outcome it’ll be ok. Why you ask? Because they’re going to deal with it together. The ‘Then we’ll deal with it.’ is EVERYTHING she needs to hear right now. Because yeah it’s bleak right now. But Tim wants to make sure she knows she isn’t alone. That he is there and no matter if he makes it or not he’s by her side. These are the exact reassurances she needs in this moment.

Lucy’s reaction has me crying some more. It’s the stifled cry when he tells her this. The sad shake of her head. Killing me softly. She couldn’t face the possibility of Budney dying. Not until her person showed up. Her fierce protector and love of her life standing by her side. Letting her know it’s ok. Even if it’s not it will be because they’ll face it together. Gah getting emotionally writing this up. This scene was primo on so many levels. *chef kiss.*

It’s here Grey and Wes enter the room. They let our lovely couple know he made it through surgery. Thank you Lord. The relief that floods Lucy is immense. I love how she looks at Tim and shakes her head. Needing his grounding stare as she takes in this news. Making sure it's real. Wes is quite the downer when he tells her for now. That if he dies later the investigation has to resume. The look on Grey’s face like WTF man…Let her have the win.

We see protective Tim step in after this. Asking if she can do her statement tomorrow? All he wants to do at this point is get her away from this hospital. From Jeff Budney and prying eyes. Wade is super sweet and turns on his dad mode and says that’s fine. Tries to get her to look and meet his fatherly gaze. She is too out of it to notice his kind look. All the more reason Tim needs to get her the hell out of this place.

Tim breaks her out of her revere with his touch as she watches them depart. I’m squeeing at the way he squeezes her collarbone, then soothes it with his thumb, before he moves his hand to the back of her neck. All the affectionate touches and very tender comforting has me ship drunk. His hand didn’t leave her for ninety percent of this scene. *happy sigh* He’s trying so hard to keep her there with him. To let her know he’s there and hasn’t left.

It’s the soft way he tells her ‘Let’s go home.’ also has me squeeing. Her home is now his home and I’m bawling. Like I said earlier all he wants to do is take her home and continue the comfort. Knowing the last place she needs to be is here. It’s the sweet smile on his face as he beckons her off the bed. Gah what a good man. Took care of her heart and soul in this moment.

Lucy doesn’t make it far before she is collapsing into his arms. Truly letting her walls down in full. Relaxing for the first time and melting completely against him. It’s the way she folds into his arms so easily. How he has her wrapped up in them immediately. Shielding her from the rest of the hospital. From this situation. One hand in her hair cradling her gently to his chest. How he is softly cupping the back of her head. The other wrapped around her nice and tight. Cocooning her in his embrace. His eyes shutting the minute he can feel her safely in his arms.

Tim breathing for the first time since he entered this room. All the while giving her the comfort zone of being in his arms. Gah it’s the slight sway that goes along with it that has me swooning. Rocking her in his arms sweetly. Trying to give her the solace she had been craving since that alleyway. Lucy hiding her face happily in his chest as he does this. Her hand placed on his chest as well has me happily sighing. No one does hugs quite like our couple does. The emotions they evoke out of me is unreal. They are top tier goodness.

To make the hug even sweeter we get a kiss to the head. The way Lucy wraps her arms around his back fully as he does this. Grounding her further as he takes care of her. They continue their lovely swaying as Tim places his cheek on her head. Resting it there lovingly. There’s a reason I kept this hug as my banner. Not that I don’t love the elevator hug in 6x09. I love it so much and will gush when we get there. But this hug ranks up there as top ones for me. Why you ask?

This hug just exemplifies how they provide comfort for each other. How physical touch is one of their primary love languages. They are each other's sanctuary. A happy and safe place amid the darkness their job brings. Coupled with the song playing in the background, the moment becomes even more glorious. It’s a beautiful scene made even more poignant by the this loving embrace.

I'm still not over how beautiful this scene is. You can see the stress and anxiety just drain out of Lucy. From the moment she is in his arms she is at peace. The same for Tim with pulling her into his arms. They both needed this hug so much. The continuity of the head kisses I’m here for as well. Gimme that all day long. In every future hug. I remember thinking as the shot panned out what would she have done without Tim in this moment? Without his wonderfully soothing comfort? Ugh what makes the next set of episode a gut punch that I still haven’t recovered from…

Thanks as always to my amazing readers who like, comment or reblog these reviews. Means the world to me. I shall see you all in 6x05 :)

~~~

Side notes-Non Chenford

I love Aaron going out with Tim for his first day. Going over the T.RA.I.N yummy T.O Tim in a Metro outfit. I will take that at every chance I can get it. If I had only know this was my last ep with him in that outfit would've appreciated it more 😭 Also this gif was for eye candy. Nothing more nothing less. How I wish to be the chair for which he leans upon in this scene. Metro outfit, badge showing, the way he is deliciously leaning against that chair. *fans self* Doesn't hurt Aaron is hilarious in his quest to please Tim LOL

We watch Nolan continue to be a terrible T.O. He lets Celina say a huge no no over the radio smh

Something else wanted to touch on for the Lucy having no support system. What happened with Jeff Budney is the direct result of not relying on said support system. I'm not blaming her. I have been her. Just want to make that very clear. But the gaggle of people outside her room worried about her is that system. Waiting to see what happens to her etc Everyone was worried about her and for her.

Other than Tim she does have it but as we know this season is super rough on her. So that is hard to see. Especially with losing her main pillar of that system in Tim. Which causes her to retreat even farther inside, but that’s for future eps to delve into. I remember D had this great post about how Lucy has been isolating for years. We were just finally seeing the result of that. Very true.

I mean only person she's really let in other than Jackson is Tim. That's it folks. Because she too has walls. She has Tamara but it's not the same as what she has with Tim. Once again hoping s7 resolves this isolation and her career path in the process. I'll be ok with her being put through it if we can have a good conclusion to go along with it.

Lastly the song running through the final scene is ‘Let it all go’ the lighthouse and the whaler. Such a good song.

[lowkeyrobin]

How did I never realize you wrote for Josh, Juicy and Eddie too omg?? :00 that's so cool

Also!

Could I request a Foolish x Reader with them being online friends meeting up irl for the first time (stupid sillies crushing on each other and flustered confessions have a death grip on me lmao)

I recently got back into the boys so 🙏🙏 just doing God's work yk? this app needs to be blessed by x reader fics of them so mwahhahaah (leave me sm reqs for them idec) ; ooo okay okay I see u bro, I got you ; thanks for requesting and I hope you enjoy! ; post writing me, sorry this is so short, idek man I had a couple paragraphs then deleted them bc they were so unnecessary lolll ; ALSO TWO POSTS TODAY!! I might post tonight but we'll see. two of these oneshots are hurting my brain bc idk what to do LMAOOO

FOOLISH GAMERS ; flustered confessions

summary ; you meet up with foolish irl and dorkily confess your feelings

warnings ; language, supportive little elderly people 🫶

word count ; 491

masterlist

You were now sitting in Foolish's office, watching him finish editing a video he didn't complete before he left to pick you up from the airport. You lay on the floor, a plushie shark used as a pillow for your head, the (mostly nonexistent) jetlag getting the best of you.

He turns around in his swirly chair, finding you on the floor. "You okay?" He smiles.

You nod in response, his smile making you feel a twisty-turny feeling in your stomach as it was swarmed with butterflies. "You wanna go get something to eat? I'm starving"

"Yeah, sure. Where do you wanna go?" He speaks, grabbing his phone and wallet off his desk to shove them in his pants pockets.

"Anything local?" You suggest, sitting up to put the plushie back where it went on his shelving system.

"Yeah, I have a few ideas" He nods with a little smile, "C'mon, I'll drive"

"Yes sir"

︶꒦꒷♡꒷꒦︶꒦꒷♡꒷꒦︶꒦꒷♡꒷꒦︶꒦꒷♡꒷꒦︶꒦꒷♡꒷꒦︶

Foolish had taken you two to a little diner on the edge of town. You sit in the high tops in front of one of the large windows, sipping on cool glasses of water and chewing on the sandwiches you'd ordered.

An elderly couple walks past, smiling as they see the two of you laughing and smiling together. The old woman smiles as her and her husband slowly walk past, her frail voice respectfully quieting the two of you.

"You two are so adorable together. You better put a ring on that finger, young man"

Foolish's cheeks quickly redden as he smiles kindly at the old woman. "Oh, thank you"

You giggle, feeling your face flush a bit.

The old lady gives you both a warm smile, the same as her husband's, as they walk away toward the front counter to place their order. You and Foolish look at each other, nervous and flustered looks plastered on your faces.

"That was..." You start.

"Yeah." He chuckles, trying to hide his smile.

You snicker, looking away for a moment.

You're both quiet for a minute, not knowing how to redirect the conversation.

"I mean... she wasn't wrong." Foolish shrugs, catching your gaze with his awkward smile.

"Huh?" You question, eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "What do you mean?"

"I think we look cute together," He says, his voice cracking a little bit. "I like you," He shrugs, trying to act nonchalantly as he looks for a reaction in your eyes.

You blink a few times, trying to find a way to react as you scan over every scenario in your head. "Oh" is the only thing to slip out from your mouth.

"Oh?"

"No, like, good! Sorry"

"No, no, you're fine! Uh-"

"Sorry"

You talk over each other, still flustered and nervous around each other.

"Would you wanna make this a date?" You quickly ask, stealing the words from Foolish's mouth.

"Yeah!" He smiles, "Sure"

"Cool"

"We can't tell Quackity about this, okay?"

"Oh, yeah, of course"

[pulpandgristle]

II: GUT DEVILS

Pilot ID: Erica Trương, tertiary escort and point-defense operative of the Fledgling Seventh Fleet Status: Active Current Assignment: Supervisor for preliminary acclimation of Pilot ID "Sidewinder"

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sortied with the new girl today. The ratty one that still wears Earth denim. The one who cut her hair with the backblast on my mech's heat exchanger.

She ain't shit.

Oh, she'll tell you she is, make no mistake, boasting about her wetwork on the Periphery. Big fuckin' talk for an academy washout. Mercenary piloting isn't something to be proud of, not like the Corps. At least if I die it's for the Septarchy. For something real.

She mocked my umbilical too, the little bitch.

They stuck her with me as a gunner and a haptics backup. Made us share a cockpit too, even though my mech's always been a one-man setup. Command said my injuries made me a liability.

They gave me a babysitter. Fucking horseshit.

If you see any drops in accuracy, it's because of her. She kept misbehaving. I couldn't keep line of sight.

Words carry well in the oxygen medium. Her voice is like a gravel driveway: flat, dark, coarse, dust coming off the words, like she dug them out of her chest.

Out of rubble. Like a brick.

"So, the mech eats for you?"

Of course it does, you fucking idiot. Command won't pay me enough for another jaw. I said yes just to shut her up.

"Can I see?"

Then she just climbed out of her harness. She ran her hands on everything, spidery little fingers pawing at my fucking umbilical with her bare skin, cinching it to see if it hurt.

It did. Kind of. Something like pain. It's why I'm clumsier on the readouts, by the way, Command. Strike it off my record.

"What else can it do for you?"

I told her that Septarchy mechs can make anything, do anything. The cockpit's a womb, after all, it's not special. Pilots just borrow it and pull the body's strings with their fists. Standard procedure.

Every bioframe's been able to do full-body life support for decades. It's why I never leave. Why they grafted my endocrine system and my liver and my pelvis into the wall and filled my torso's empty space with surveillance equipment and gyroscopes.

Then I told her not to fucking touch anything else and to get back in her seat.

She ignored me. Figured she would. Somehow it stung.

Then we took an AP round to the calf and I screamed all undignified and she stole the reins out from under my hands.

She pretended to care that we were live-fire, sat herself in my lap, hung off the port for the secondary trigger by the loose notochord in her right wrist. Nasty craftsmanship on her neural jack, by the way, probably a custom job she did with a dendrite kit and a sharp stick. Completely unsanitary.

I saw the tendons strain. She blinked, bit her tongue, made a spot of blood in the water between us, nailed a bogey from ten thousand meters. Clean.

Lucky shot.

The muzzle flash shone through the mech's skin when she did it, a plume of gossamer light, like a halo, falling in blinding ropes through her charred hair.

Dumb little clocky gut devil. Stop distracting me, goddammit.

The sortie was over two minutes after that. Septarchy won, no casualties, Periphery force 100% KIA. She got eight kills. I got one.

Whatever.

She stepped on my chest when we were getting pulled out of the mech for decon. Then she stole my thunder when we docked and Command gave us honors—oh yeah it was no biggie, thank you so, so, much, really it means the world to me—as if she did everything herself. As if I wasn't fucking driving.

No, she's not a professional. Far from it. She would've pissed in the medium if I wasn't there, the fuckin' slob. Now the entire cockpit smells like her.

Earthy, like Periphery dirt, silicate-rich. A hint of cheap liquor. Sweat and plastic and denim and testosterone, powerful but suppressed, made graceful through discipline and chemicals.

She borrowed some of the mech's estrogen when I wasn't looking, I think. My estrogen. Little goddamn leech. Thief. A disgrace to the Corps.

I want any superior officer that sees this report to listen to me, and listen real fuckin' close. She's a menace. The next time she sorties with our compliment, get me five minutes alone with her while we go through pre-flight checks. She owes me.

Whatever she stole, I want it back.

[changingplumbob]

Villareal Household: Chapter 5, Part 6

In this part Devin becomes a regular for season 2 of ZBB: Apocalypse Rising. Back home the stay over continues, as does Rilian being a picky eater. Lastly Devin prepares to host a picnic.

For ease of reading if the toddlers are trying to say real words I'll put the English in brackets when they do not use the whole word. Luna (mummy) and Devin (mama) use some German and Italian.

Schatz (German) meaning treasure Schnucki (German) meaning sweetie but doesn't have an exact translation Bambino/s (Italian) meaning male child/children Amore (Italian) meaning love Piccolo (Italian) meaning little one Caro (Italian) meaning dear Tante/Onkel (German) meaning aunt/uncle

Luna: Shooting day, exciting

Devin: It always is! I’m go glad Norah hired me for another season, she’s such fun to work with. You’re not working today right?

Luna: Nope! I’ll be trying to focus on improving my research skill, I want this next promotion

Early riser Alfred is up early so Devin potty trains him while Luna eats. Afterwards Luna carries Alfred to his high chair for breakfast. Devin wakes up Rilian and tries again to coach him on the potty. He has an accident anyway.

Devin: Come on Rillian, breakfast time

Rilian: No mama, me no carry (I do not want to be carried)

Devi: Sorry caro but mama has to be on set by midday, we don’t have time for you to walk yourself

Rilian pouts and grumbles the entire way.

Devin: See, we have nice cereal

Rilian: *hums to self, ignores cereal*

Devin: Come on caro, at least try some before you turn it down

Rilian: food uck uck (yuck yuck)

Max: What’s going on in here

Devin: We’re refusing to eat our breakfast

Max: That’s it buddy, rebel against the system

Rilian: Onk Max si si *giggles* (Onkel Max silly)

Devin: Thanks for the support

Max: It’s what I’m here for

Eventually Rilian empties his bowl and sings Devin a song about food, getting none of the food words right.

Devin and Rilian walk to where Alfred is playing on the tablet by Luna who is debating the mirror again.

Devin: Now bambinos mama has to go but mama will be back, promise

Rilian: Mama play?

After a rousing play session Devin is almost out the door when Alfred requests a hug

Alfred: Bye bye mama, me love

Devin: Is that a sentence

Luna: As a professor of language I can assure you, it was not a sentence. At least, not yet

Devin: You two keep working on talking while I’m out. Te amo amore, back later

Rudolphus: Why are we doing this zombie show again

Devin: We need to pay rent

Rudolphus: Like you pay rent

Devin: I pay property taxes. Plus Norah asked

Emily: Oh gosh, they did not take good photos for continuity last time, who was even running this department

Devin: Can you find the costume

Emily: I think so, just be careful with it. If you’re becoming a regular I’ll redo it so it’s more interesting for the camera

Devin: Thank Emily, I’ll try not to dent it when I fall

Emily: That’s not funny

Devin: But there’s a scene where I fall

Emily: *sighs* Of course there is

Devin: Season 2! How’d you get the network to let me in after my character was killed off

Norah: Honey once you won that award they were happy to let me write you back in

Devin: I missed you Norah. Movie sets weren’t the same without you. So, any notes for how I should play the revival scene

Norah: *sighs*

Devin: Hey, you okay

Norah: This co-star they hired… the only simlish she knows is her lines

Devin: You’re kidding

Norah: I wish I was, thank the watcher we’ve got you

Devin: I’ll go talk to her, she’s got to know hello right?

Devin: Hello Tadelech, I’m Devin. It’s nice to meet you

Tadelech: It wasn’t the same once the bugs came

Devin: *blanks* Shall we run our lines then

Devin pulls out her script and Tadelech figures out what she means. Despite not knowing simlish to communicate Tadelech is delivering her lines wonderfully, she clearly loves acting.

Devin: It’s going to be fine. Tadelech knows her lines, that’s all she needs

Norah: I hope so, this show is just so important to me

Devin: Norah your work always speaks for itself, trust me, she can do this and you’ll have quality content

Norah remains dubious but starts filming. First up is Devin’s monologue. In it she recaps what happened on the first season and reveals that her character was merely assumed to be dead. In actuality she’s still alive, kicking and fighting the bugs!

Devin: Mina Mina Mina, you look a-mina-mazing

Mina: Rudolphus is an artist with the make up. Regular selfie?

Devin: Always

Norah: ACTION

Devin: Listen to me, this isn’t you! The bugs are inside you, changing you

Mina: The only thing that’s changed is I can see you for the coward you are

The two then pull off the choreographed fight sequence, trusting special effects to make it look realistic.

Norah: CUT

Devin breathes a sigh of relief and moves on to the next scene.

ACTION

Devin picks up the discarded looking guitar and begins to play. They’ll add the proper tune in when it’s edited but she still likes to play what should be played. Then it’s across the stage to where Tadelech waits expectantly. Together they run through the reunion scene, selling that their characters have known each other all along.

CUT

Final scene of the day leaves Devin’s character in a precarious position. Will she return for a third season? It depends on fan response.

When Devin gets home the twins are excited to see her and begin to babble incoherently.

Devin: Woah woah woah, let’s talk over dinner huh

Luna: Come on schnucki, up we go

Rilian: up mummy up

Devin: Today we’re going to try some delicious peas

Alfred: Why pez (peas)

Luna: To help you both grow big and strong

Alfred and Rilian babble to each other while the grown ups talk.

Devin: Poor thing didn’t know any simlish

Luna: None at all?

Devin: Technically she knew her lines

Joey: Did she understand what she was saying

Devin: I think so, I mean her acting seemed accurate

Luna: So you did all the scenes they needed you for

Devin: And I got gold because I’m fabulous

Potty time and neither twin has reached level 2 yet. I know it’s because I have skill difficulty higher than normal, but I do wish I could make the potty skill exempt. Then it’s story time to get the bambinos to sleep, followed by tucking in and kisses. While Luna does some more debate practice, Devin dives into trying to pick up Windenburgish.

Luna: Did you sleep well

Devin: I did, but I’m pretty excited for today

Luna: Say hi to Cassandra and Charlie for me

Devin: Will do

Luna heads to the garden to harvest where Miriam finds her, I swear Miriam always hangs around the garden. Luna then makes fruit salad for breakfast and chats to her brothers who will be leaving later on today.

Alfred: Mama what do (what are you doing)

Devin: Just updating my social media. You ready for potty practice

Alfred: Me do, me do, no we (I can do it, don't need to do it as a team)

Rilian: Mama help me

Devin: Since your brother apparently doesn’t need my superior guidance of course I can help you Rilian

They shuffle in to the bathroom and Devin coaches Rilian while Alfred tries by himself. Both methods seem to work as the bambinos reach level 2 potty!

Devin: Mummy was making breakfast, who wants a lift

Alfred: Me mama, me

Rilian: No no no

Devin: Okay then. Rilian can you keep up

Rilian: Yes. I bob (walk) mama

In the kitchen they all grab plates and begin to eat.

Luna has headed off to work and Devin begins preparation for todays event, friends kid friendly catch up. She’s making some BLT’s for the guests when the bambinos finish eating and head for the stereo to dance.

Devin: Rilian, caro, did you finish yours

Rilian: *pulls cheeky face* yes mama

Devin: Good job

Alfred: Rili not-

Rilian: Shh Alfe, shhh

Lastly Devin makes some lemonade in case anyone wants it. Rilian and Alfred are pretty happy with the yard, now full of toddler toys after Devin’s latest paycheck cleared. They hug in excitement. The guests arrive! Devin’s BFF’s Cassandra and Charlie. Cassandra brought Savannah and Mercedes (friendly reminder they’re around *checks* five and a half, while Devin’s bambinos are 3 and a quarter today). Charlie not having human children brought her furbaby Clover.

Alfred: Hi

Mercedes: Who are you

Alfred: Me is Alfred

Devin: Thanks for coming over

Cassandra: Of course, we haven’t had a hangout with just us three in ages

Charlie: Are we just going to ignore the kids

Cassandra: My girls can entertain themselves, mostly…

Devin: So long as I can keep eyeline with the pond, everyone should be fine to amuse themselves

Alfred continues to try babbling to a more literate Mercedes. Water loving Rilian meanwhile goes and has a splash about in the pond in his gumboots. In the yard Devin settles where she can keep an eye on him, and happily catches up with her best friends.

Previous Part ... Next Part

[msbhagirathi]

IPKKND LIVE BLOG SEASON - 1 [EPI - 3]

Cooommmeee onnnnn. Let'zzz beegggiiiinnnn.

Satvik Mishthaann Bhandaar. Khushi opens the cylinder's regulator's knob. Picks up the oil cannister, with tears glistening in her eyes.

Khushi's flashbacks of the lines that broke her heart :

i) "Mat kaho hume Amma." (Don't call me your mom.)

ii) "Payal iski sagi behen hoti tabahu aisi harkat karat?" (Had Payal been her real (blood-related) sister then would she do something like that ?")

iii) "Aaj tum saabit kar dee ho ki tum humra khoon naahi ho." (Today you have proved that you don't consider us as your own.)

iv) "Tum jaisi ladkiyon ka kya hai, ek jayega dusra phasaa lena." (This should not be a problem for girls like you, if one slips away then trap another.)

3. ANDDDDD- she lights the gas and makes jalebis. As we all get to know that stress eating and stress cooking are her outlets.

4. Sun comes up and we are in the next day. Hii Bitwa. Good morning.

5. We see Arnav, again, drowned in the horrors of his past. The head of his PR team comes and informs about the damage control but also tells his boss about his suspicions that some media people might still have managed to get hold on a few photos and videos.

6. But Bitwa is in no mood to listen. He gives him a threat, straight, of getting black-listed from the corporate market and having to spend the rest of his life in a 'kiraane ki dukan' (General store). Calm down angry young man, it's not good for your health.

7. He asks about his schedule to Rajesh (his secretary? then who was Aman? Lol. Whatever.)

8. Oh. So Bitwa eats oats(or toasts? Whatever.) for breakfast everyday. He is surprised to see channe ki roti, (orange-?) juice and fruits. He asks about the change and-

9. There comes his Di. "Hum jaante the, ki tum hume miss kar rahe hoge, chhotte." Look at his face. It's like 'not again'. Lol. Just sibling things.

10. So, Di wants her chhotte to complete her mannat and Our Bitwa has a very valid question, "Di mannat aapne maangi hai toh mujhe kyun puri karni padegi?" (Di, if you had asked for the wish then why do I have to complete it?) Lol. Just some Bitwa things.

11. I agree with Bitwa, here, Di. Why does he have to- OH OH OH I FORGOT- HE HAS TO MEET HIS WIFE THERE. HOW STUPID OF ME TO FORGET. Lol.

12. On a serious note, I hope you know the symbolization, here, Anjali, herself, called Khushi into Arnav's life, as his mannat.

13. Arnav, begrudgingly, accepts to go to the dargah for completing the wish. But. Of course. Without having the channe ki rotis, his Di made.

14. Excuse? Me? Khushi? Is? Still? Making? Jalebis? Like? What the-?

15. HAhahahahahisddifvoaidawdw. Jalebiyan ka mount everest. I am wheezing. (Jalebis' mount everest)

16. Lol. In an interview, Sanaya had mentioned that she likes all type of sweets except jalebis. I cannot help myself but focus on that thing. Babuji offers her a jalebi and Khushi is shown taking a bite, only that Sanaya did not take a bite, she just pretended to. I just cannot overlook it. Ok back to the serious-ness. Stop distracting me, okay?

17. I want to say something. I- it's so beautiful and heart touching, a father consoling his daughter but making her understand her mistake but also making her feel that whatever she did, that is to stand up against dowry system, is also A VERY RIGHT DECISION, but her way of taking matters into her hand, was also very wrong, she should have talked about this to her father. I felt so at peace. The father-daughter duo give off such a beautiful, soft and touching vibe.

18. He also consoles her for the things that Buaji said to her last night. In fact, he started the conversation with those words. Coz he knows and understands how gut wrenching it might have been to listen those harsh words.

19. The society people gather up and show their support and understanding towards Shashi babu and his family.

20. Stop making those annoying faces, Buaji.

21. Bitwa is on his way to the dargah. He asks his manager not to cancel his meeting but says will get delayed by 10-15 minutes.

22. They have reached the dargah. Khushi's first ever 'Laad Governor' makes an appearance. She talks of giving him a mouthful if she sees him ever again.

23. Did you notice this too? Arnav has changed his suit. Earlier, this morning he was wearing a grey? suit, i think and now there's a shiny black suit, with black aviators.

24. He starts walking and guess what, the cravat is back. *heart eyes*

25. Bitwa is well, Bitwa. Someone comes and tries to ward off evil eye with those peacock feathers and the way he dodges it off with making that face. Lol.

26. Payal tells Khushi to cover her head and Arnav, being an obedient jethji/jijaji, covers his head as well.

27. Is it coincidental that the first syllable of Arziyaan song starts just as Arnav enters the frame? And also the fact that the song is addressed in first person pronoun so it seems like it's been sung on Arnav's behalf.

28. "Tere derr pe jhuka hun, mitta hun, bana hun." (I have been destroyed and re-made myself (by hardships of life?) and I am bowing down at your doorstep.) This line, in fact, this whole song is made for our dear broken Arnav baby only, and only for him. I got emotional. Wow. Back to the epi.

29. Payal goes to take the niyaaz and Khushi crosses Arnav's way and her dupatta wraps up around his head. I think, he is kind of intrigued by it, coz he keeps looking at the back of that girl, in all white. Also, maybe tries to -identify?- her-what's with that unreadable expression Bitwa?

30. "Pyaas le ke aaya tha, dariya woh bhar laaya,

noor ki barish mein, beeghta-sa tar aaya."

How beautifully these lines along with Arnav entering the main entrance of the dargah, have been synced together. I mean. Wow. (Click the lines to read the translation.)

31. Inside the mazhaar. Khushi, what is this behaviour? Wait for your husband.

32. I really got a few second goosebumps here. The fact that they are just a mere inches away, separated by that-wall?- tying the sacred threads, praying for their loved ones.

(Arnav, I hope so you are praying and not thinking that you are the mighty ASR and you don't need all that blessings and shit, just pray. For yourself. For your mental health, my boy. You need it. Believe me. You really do.)

33. "O ek khushboo aati thi,

mein bhatakta jata tha,reshm-si maya thi,

aur main takta jata tha."

Are they hinting at the telepathy that Arnav will start experiencing after a few days? Uhhuhh, foreshadowing, I see. Writers are very clever.

34. Khushi is complaining, to Khwajaji, about her meeting with 'woh'. Lol. Tell me Khushi. Who is this 'woh' here? I did not understand.

Also, Khushi says that, for the first time, she had to hide something from her babuji which means no one knows about their first meeting yet.

Khushi and her 'woh' sitting opposite to each other. One complaining while the other listening looking around with a frown in his face.

35. Do you know this fact that girls in India, after getting married, address their husband as 'woh' to every one else and even if they have to take their name, they add an extra 'ji' after it.

Did you see what I did there? Heh. I iz veri kelever.

Bitwa is looking at his wife leaving, after ranting about him.

36. Are you following her Bitwa? Do you love her already? So. Both are there, to tie their 'mannat ka tala'. Khushi prays to Khwajaji, to get her sister married to a good man, as she cannot bear to see her sad. On the contrary, look at Bitwa's face. He is doing 'all this' just for 'his Di's happiness.' And careless bitwa, instead of keeping the key in his pocket, lets it slip away from his hands. I realized that I loved the BG score here.

But, his wife Khushi will make sure he rightfully gets back his mannat ki chabi. Look at Arnav's face, when she calls out, to hand him the key. He already knows it's the same girl (the girl from that previous night).

37. He does not turn immediately. Look closely, he turns as if to gauge her reaction. Her polite-slight- smile drops as she realizes that it's her 'woh'. Khushi, still very much affected by last night's harassment, clutches her neck-line, in fear. Arnav looks at her face, already smitten tells her to 'phek do' it. (Throw away)

Turns back and leaves. Khushi realizes that he 'phir suna diya' to her. (He, again, had the last word.)

38. The BG score, that is playing, here, is basically played for Khushi every time whenever she has an idea for some thing in general or is talking to devi maiyya (i think?) or is talking to herself or is ranting about her LG or has a 'brilliant' idea to exasperate her LG and here, is giving a pep talk to herself.

39. Arnav is doing his ASR walk without disturbing anyone and Khushi is doing her 'Hum Khushi Kumari Gupta' style running, skidding, jumping and scaring everyone around her, with her chaotic run.

40. Khushi comes to a stop. Arnav notices her and stops as well. My God. How is it possible that I can literally feel her, being out of breath and not being able to get out a single word from her mouth, without breathing loudly, just after running a -what-few meters-? Lol. I love Sanaya.

41. Bitwa is like 'calm down babe, have some water and sit down first.' So, Arnav is staring at her and walking towards her, with slow and careful steps. Khushi, obviously afraid, steps away from him, trying to maintain a safe distance.

42. Screen freezes at Khushi's face and starts to fade out. *quickly pauses it* Precap. Don't like spoilers.

P.S. : I thought their argument over god and their beliefs would be in this one only. Btw, I loved Khushi's look and hair as well. Arnav's was fine. I loved loved loved babuji's scene with Khushi in the morning. I loved it. It was so soothing for Khushi, as well as, for all of us viewers too. Also, all the 'wife' and 'woh' jokes that I made for Khushi and Arnav are still not relevant, here, because of the harassment that was shown in the last one, so please don't take it seriously, I just did it to add some humor to it. Please don't take it the wrong way. Ok, bye. Have a great day/night ahead. God bless you.

Previous Next Episode!

[whoneedsapublisher]

It's My Party, But I Don't Want To Cry At It

Second fic for the Nasuverse Femslash Week by @nasuversepromptweeks, with the prompt today being "angst/celebration". Gudako x Boudica, so it was an interesting challenge trying to write Boudica for the first time.

Words: ~1500

Summary: Gudako doesn't want to kill the mood. So she fakes a smile, and pretends like her mind is on the celebration.

Also on Ao3. Maybe I should start linking again, does tumblr still stop posts with links showing up in a tag?

*****************

It’s a celebration, and Gudako act accordingly. She puts on a smile and accepts all the handshakes and the hugs and the pats on the back. She lets them raise her up and cheer, and dutifully takes a bite of the cake and grins for the camera with a bit of icing on the end of her nose.

Why shouldn’t they be celebrating? They saved all of humanity. Past and present. Future, too, she supposes, although she doubts this will be the last catastrophe that threatens humanity. She at least hopes that next time it won’t be her job to fix it.

This time, though, it had been. Not alone, thankfully, but she was the last Master, and hence uncomfortably central to the whole thing. Somehow, with support from everyone, they’d done it. Not without losses. But they’d done it.

Only… now it’s over. Now that humanity is saved, suddenly, there’s no longer an absence of oversight. No longer no Mage’s Association or board of directors to complain about what they did. And no sooner were they saved than they started to complain about how she’d done it.

That wasn’t the real problem, though. She isn’t happy about it, but a bunch of higher ups complaining is hardly enough to make her so down that she has to fake a smile. It’s not losing Roman, either, although she misses him dearly. If that was all it was, it would only strengthen her resolve to enjoy it in his honour. To have so much fun that he could know that his sacrifice had let everyone be happy.

What really eats at her, what stops her from being swept up in the party, was what she knew was coming next.

The Chaldea Summon System is a miracle. But it’s an expensive miracle. Having servants summoned during an emergency event where they were trying to restore humanity was one thing. But now that the emergency is over…

Gudako excuses herself before the party ends. She says she’s tired and wants to get some rest. And who could blame her for that, after everything that had happened?

Her departure sets off a final round of cheering for her, and she smiles and waves as she backs out of the cafeteria and into the hallway. She keeps her fake smile on as she walks to her room, humming a little. There’s too many sneaky servants. She can’t be sure she isn’t being watched.

Her door closes behind her. Carefully, she gets down on her hands and knees and peers under her bed.

No Kiyohime. She’s alone.

She lets out a sigh and stands back up. But only long enough to walk over to her bed and fall onto it face first.

It isn’t like she wants humanity to be un-saved. She isn’t that selfish. The whole thing was taking a toll on her anyway. But she can’t bear to celebrate when she knows what comes next.

There’s a knock at her door.

Gudako doesn’t answer it. They’ll assume she’s gone to sleep and go away.

“Master? Are you there?”

Gudako hesitates for a moment.

And then she stands up and opens the door.

Standing there, a party hat still stuck to her head at a jaunty angle, is Boudica.

“Oh, I’m sorry, did I wake you?”

“No,” Gudako says. Her heart aches. She almost wants to send Boudica away, but she can’t bear to.

But can she bear not to?

“Can I come inside?” Boudica says. “I wanted to talk to you about something.”

How can Gudako say anything to that?

She lets her inside. She closes the door behind her.

...She checks under the bed again. Just to be safe.

When she stands up again, Boudica is looking at her, slightly bemused.

"So, what did you want to talk to me about?" Gudako asks.

“Well… I wanted to ask if you want to talk about what’s bothering you.”

Gudako sighs, her shoulders slumping.

“Was I that bad at hiding it?” she asks.

“No,” Boudica says. “If anything, you were too good at it.”

“Too good?” Gudako asks.

“You were too happy and carefree,” Boudica says. “I know you must have some mixed feelings about all this, but there was no sign of that all evening. So I thought you must be hiding whatever was bothering you.”

“I hope I’m more convincing than that when the Mage Association starts asking questions about how we handled this whole Grand Order situation,” Gudako says, falling back into a sitting position on her bed.

“I’m sure you’ll do fine,” Boudica says.

Gudako sighs, nowhere near as convinced. She’s only ever briefly interacted with the Mage’s Association, and it wasn’t a pleasant experience. She’s definitely not looking forward to being interrogated by them.

“It’s about Roman, isn’t it?” Boudica asks softly. “I know you two were close.”

Gudako stares at Boudica for a moment. And then she laughs.

“What?” Boudica looks quite surprised. It’s cute, seeing her caught off guard like that. There’s something very adorable about her going from so wise and motherly to looking like a startled rabbit. “I’m sorry, did I say something wrong?”

“No, no, it’s just… I thought you had me all figured out,” Gudako says. “I’m sad about what happened to Roman, of course, but that’s not what’s been bothering me.”

“Oh, and I was so confident too… I feel awfully silly now,” Boudica says, sighing and sitting down on the bed next to Gudako.

“It’s about you.”

Boudica blinks. “About me?”

Gudako reaches over and takes her hand. “...The Grand Order is over,” she says. “The Chaldea Summoning System isn’t supposed to be run except in cases of emergencies.”

Gudako squeezes her hand.

“...I don’t want you to go.”

“Master…”

Boudica pulls Gudako into a gentle hug. Gudako clings to her shamelessly, cherishing these fleeting, limited moments of her warmth.

“I’m sorry, Master,” Boudica says.

“What for?” Gudako mumbles into her shoulder.

“It was irresponsible to say that I loved you,” Boudica says. “I knew our time together would be limited. But I didn’t want to regret not having said it when that time was over.”

“It was too late by then anyway,” Gudako says. “I already loved you at that point.”

“Well, then we were both silly, weren’t we,” Boudica says. “But don’t worry. It’s not as if I’ll be dying. I already did that long ago. I’ll just be going back to the throne.”

“But you’ll forget me,” Gudako says quietly.

“I might,” Boudica. “I’m not entirely sure, given the odd way that Chaldea’s summons seem to work. But I might. But you have my saint graph here, in Chaldea’s records, don’t you?”

“Yes,” Gudako says, lifting her head to look Boudica in the face. “But-”

Boudica put a finger to Gudako’s lips.

“You’ve worked very hard to put an end to this crisis,” she says. “Peace is always bought with strife, it seems. But I’m afraid that I have some experience in that respect, and the exchange rate is never fair. You’ve suffered through a whole lifetime’s worth of strife in the Grand Order. But I’m sure that it won’t buy you a lifetime’s worth of peace.”

Gudako sighs. Boudica is probably right.

“So when it happens again,” Boudica says. “Summon me first, Master. I promise I’ll always come when you call. And I’ll be first in line to protect you.”

“You promise?” Gudako whispers.

“Of course,” Boudica whispers back, and then leans in close, pressing her lips against Gudako’s.

It’s not Gudako’s first kiss. But it’s much better than the awkward hesitant time with her middle school boyfriend. Boudica is gentle but firm, loving and passionate. Gudako melts into the kiss, letting herself forget how temporary it all is.

But temporary it is, and eventually Boudica pulls away.

“That’ll be our contract,” Boudica says.

Gudako, flushed red, can only nod.

Boudica giggled.

“I suppose now your lips might count as a catalyst for summoning me,” she teases. “Make sure no unscrupulous mages figure it out, or you’ll be in trouble.”

“I won’t. I mean, I will. I mean- can we kiss again? Please?”

Boudica chuckles, her arms sliding down Gudako’s sides to grasp her hips. “Of course, Master,” she says. “As many times as you want.”

Of course, there’s not enough time in the day for that many. But when Boudica finally leaves, apologizing and saying that she really needs to get back to help clean up, Gudako feels almost delirious with happiness.

…Which will probably just make it even worse when Boudica leaves. But that’s in the future. Right now, she’s happy. And further off in the future… she believes in Boudica’s promise.

Hopefully, though, the next time they meet, the threat won’t be quite so dire.

Or at least won’t be urgent enough that they can’t fit in some time for kisses.

[silverslipstream]

Get to know my OC!

So I've been tagged in by @rickie-the-storyteller (thanks Rickie!) and the idea of writing an interview of my character really stuck with me, so... here goes nothing! I chose to interview Kat (White Sky's main character) roughly at the beginning of the second act of the plot, as it's currently outlined, anyway. The hubbub of Aristarchus City's main Interplanetary Arrival Terminal is a stark reminder of humanity's burgeoning presence in the cosmos. While not the largest city on the Moon, Aristarchus is nevertheless a bustling hub of commerce, trade and diplomacy, its domes contrasting the nearby crater walls in a defiant stand against the desolation of the lunar surface. Our interview subject for today - former propulsion engineer and now interplanetary wanted fugitive Katarina 'Kat' Lloyd - halts under a rotating softscreen, peering anxiously at the busy thoroughfare. Sneaking between an absentminded luggage porter and a preoccupied miner decked head-to-toe in Toyota-branded mining gear, she hurries over to my table: an unassuming booth built into the wall of a drink stand. Her eyes flicker feverishly between me and the recording drone in the centre of the table. -audio transcript starts-

Kat: Are you sure that thing's... safe? ELTO's got eyes everywhere, you know-

Me: Relax. If ELTO knew you were here, they'd have thrown you out of the nearest service airlock, protocol or no protocol. Drink?

I push a disposable mug of coffee in her direction: Kat takes a hesitant sip and makes a face, pushing it back into the centre of the table.

Kat: God, how do you drink that crap? It's lukewarm. Nobody drinks lukewarm coffee.

Me: I'll admit, it takes some getting used to. Speaking of getting used to things, how are you finding your first trip into space?

She laughs hollowly.

Oh yeah, it's absolutely f**king wonderful. I've been floating around in the spacefaring equivalent of a college dorm room for three days, I'm covered in bruises from hitting just about everything in there, half the crew won't talk to me and the other half won't shut up. Plus, there's the whole 'wanted fugitive apparently harbouring corporate secrets' s**t, so yeah. Everything's f**king peachy.

What's been the hardest part of adapting to space travel?

The cosmic rays. I can feel my DNA splintering by the minute.

She grins at me, tutting and rolling her eyes when I don't respond.

Fine, okay. You're not... printing this anywhere, are you?

Is that an actual question?

Right, sorry, okay. The worst part of spaceflight is going to the bathroom. Sounds weird, but... I wasn't expecting taking a crap to be such a f**king ordeal, you know? First I have to wedge my feet into these footholds before sitting down, so I don't, uh, 'float off' mid-s**t. Then the toilet has this weird inflating cushion thing that suctions itself around... well, y'know, so nothing gets out and the smell doesn't kill the crew. It's constantly sucking, too. Worst feeling ever. I swear, I won't eat a bite on the return journey. The shower's even worse, if you can call it that. You have to squeeze these gel packs of water and soap onto yourself and rub your body down super carefully, using rinseless shampoo to clean your hair. Stupid lemon-scented crap. It just clumps the ends of your hair together. I swear, I'm gonna find the best hairdresser in this s**thole dome and get it all lopped off.

How's the food?

I mean, it's not terrible. Not healthy by any stretch, but I'll live. The water's awful though.

How come?

Well, you probably wouldn't know, Mr-I-Live-On-The-Moon, but unlike your happy little domes where most of your water is sourced from crater meltwater and Earth imports, our ship's water is a closed system. Every piss, every rinse of dishwater, every excess drop scrubbed off of skin ends up recycled in the life-support system. The others ignore it, of course. They've been in space much longer than I have. But every water-based drink has this slight tang to it, and every time I swallow, I can't stop thinking about how much of what I'm drinking is someone else's sweat and pee...

For the record, I live on Earth - Luna's just a side gig. Tell me about home - where were you before all this?

Ooh, sure you won't charge me? F**k journalism, pal, you should go into counselling. How benevolent of you to unravel my deepest emotional scars at the source-

Just answer the question, please...

Oh, who's a touchy little shrink today, hmmm? Okay. Well, for your information, I lived in employee accommodations at Langersprung Developments' Munich science park. I could've gone to Vienna or Berlin, but Vienna's a little intense for my liking and I didn't fancy glowing in the dark after a couple months in Berlin, so Munich it was.

And how'd you get here?

I took the space canoe. Next question.

...what was your dream job?

You know, what an interesting question. I could've sworn I really liked doing something - was it propulsion systems design? No, perish the thought. How silly of me. It's not as if I was minding my f**king business, enjoying the culmination of my life's work, when a bunch of ELTO agents blow the door off my dorm room and almost melt my campus to the ground. That would be preposterous, don't you agree?

Right, sorry.

It's okay. Well, it's not, but I have to let it out somehow, right?

Do you have any hobbies?

Well, aside from the aforementioned corporate espionage, sneaking aboard lunar debris haulers and murdering annoying cloak-and-dagger affronts to the name of journalism, I do dabble in a bit of Scrabble.

Seriously?

Yes, seriously. Keeps the brain occupied, and the limitations of only having seven letters forces me to think with limited resources. Only problem is, I can't play with many people - Yuri gets way too intense, Harry spends his time writing out more swear words than I thought existed and Kaz protests against Scrabble on principle. Some s**t about 'artificially limiting creative expression.' Other than that, I keep up my previous work, designing interplanetary propulsion systems. God forbid becoming a wanted criminal keep me from my work, right?

What do you do to relax? Other than play Scrabble, I mean.

As you can imagine, fleeing the combined law-enforcement systems of an entire species isn't the most chill of circumstances... but yeah, okay, I do find some time to relax. Most of the time I listen to music: Leroy Guilloux, Marbzy, V5, Schiaparelli Dust, that kind of stuff. Harry spends a lot of time blasting out TwenCen music from the 'Eighties' that he can't help but sing up and down the ship in terrible, impromptu karaoke sessions. Sora sent me a few of her old tracks, and they're much more my speed. Kraftwerk, Boards of Canada, Aphex Twin - don't s'pose you've heard of 'em?

Not really. My grandad was apparently a fan of Aphex Twin; I found a few albums in a box of his stuff. Actual optical discs, too. No idea how he played them.

Yeah, well, a lot of our crew are obsessed with old s**t like that. They had two 'movie nights' on the way over here. The first was some Huang Min Lee techno-thriller from a few years back: Yuri and Jack loved it. I was barely keeping my eyes open. The other one was this old TwenCen film that Harry wouldn't stop raving about. Judging by the groans from the rest of the crew, they must've seen it a few times. I thought it was quite good for an old film. Can you believe people back then had whole cars that they could just... drive around, wherever they wanted? And what would be the point of keeping a bunch of kids in school on Saturday? They didn't even do schoolwork. I liked the blond kid, though - Brian. Reminded me of myself at school age.

Hmm, okay. What're your plans for the future?

She laughs.

You mean, after ELTO let me out of jail or my brain finishes a century's sentence in some orbital processor farm?

You know what I mean.

Pfft, yeah, sure. Well, I'd like to think I could head back to Earth and continue working, y'know. Obviously not for Langersprung, but maybe for another Eurocorp? I've always liked Scandinavia... if not, maybe I'll look further afield. Australia are doing pretty well with their helix-fusion reactor complexes. If I can avoid the war fallout from the Indo-Pacific, I suppose I wouldn't mind heading down there. Though, knowing my luck, the PECFOR would probably draft Australia in, and I'd end up having to design fusion thermobarics to level a Malaysian city or something. No thank you - spacecraft only.

For someone who's spent a lifetime designing spacecraft engines, you sure seem to hate spaceflight. Are you sure you wouldn't want to, y'know, stay in space?

Well, a plumber might enjoy directing piping drones, but it doesn't mean he wants to live in a s**t-smeared sewer, does it? No f**king thank you! Spaceflight is miserable, uncomfortable and full of annoying s**theads who can't play Scrabble properly. I wouldn't mind going on an interstellar voyage, though. Being cryo-frozen and having a four-year wait time for conversations sounds right up my alley.

What about your family life? Friends? What do you miss about Earth?

Kat gives the recording drone another suspicious side-eye.

Wait, does this thing have visual or holo-recording on, or is it audio only?

Audio only, I'm afraid. My line of work requires a hefty degree of anonymity.

Okay then. For the benefit of you prospective future listeners, I am now raising my... oh dear, what's this? It appears to be my middle finger, good heavens. Now I'm raising it at Mr. Shrinky McAnonymous here.

Miss Lloyd-

Now I'm wiggling it.

...terminating interview with subject Katarina Lloyd at 09:18 CST, June 2nd, 2094.

Look at it wigg- -audio transcript ends-

Hope you've enjoyed this little peek into Kat's life and the world of White Sky! I'll tag @sam-glade, @sergeantnarwhalwrites, @kaatiba, @winterandwords and @flock-from-the-void, as well as any open tag to any writeblr who fancies a go!

[enginire]

snowpiercer rp prompts. episode 4-6.

adapt. that's what humans do, isn't it?

systems resist change, even without their maker.

i'm just a scientist - i'm here to save the world, not change it.

i know our chances of surviving are slim at best.

i knew you'd be up.

no rest for the weary.

i want you to ask for help.

i'm not afraid to be seen together.

you just don't want to walk to work with me in the morning?

you have the privilege of seeing it that way.

i'm gonna give you a chance to make things right.

i want you to go get a gurney and some sheets. we need postmortem data. do you understand what i'm asking you?

i gave you a description of a killer - what did you do with it?

she's dead, and our killer gets his bacon and eggs.

they don't even know who they're chasing.

work it out now. work it out later - just do your freaking job.

now i've got a sense of what you do here, i thought you might have a take on it.

you know people, high and low. you know their secrets.

that would be confidential… if the answer wasn't no.

cut the shit. you have my support.

you've been stashing supplies there, right?

these people broiled the earth, then they froze her, and now they hang the spoils on their wall.

i came from nothing. i know a thing or two about class.

that anger you feel when you look at all of this? it's justified. let's used this.

alright, two things - i don't give a shit who you are, and someone up here has got a thing for chopping off dicks.

you knew he was missing and you didn't tell us?

good news first… we may have identified the killer.

all the piss and shit left in the world. you get used to the smell.

is he going to go through all of our things?

you think he was capable of something like this?

it can't come off like we have sheltered a monster.

i hear you eat people.

it keeps everyone up here scared of you… like — i'd eat a dude just to make everyone shit bricks like they do with you.

you know, you're a lot cooler smashing the system than being his dick.

morality's a moving target.

he might've been the murderer, but removing body parts… that's how he screwed up.

what do you mean he screwed up?

it's a punishment that women lay down on men.

the murderer who hid among us is dead, and a second suspect is in custody.

thanks to a successful investigation, order has been restored, and i assure you, justice will prevail.

let's put the politics down and celebrate a win.

you know i can't let you do that. you've seen too much.

a myth's a powerful thing - pray you never know the weight of it.

some of us are ready to change his terms.

it will be perilous, filthy work - more precious souls may be lost.

but we didn't come this far, suffer this much, to give in to the same tyranny that destroyed us in the first place.

all this time in here, and you still won't talk to me?

what you say in here is admissible… so our smart visitors stay quiet.

yeah, if she messes up, we both suffer.

i guess we should leave you two to celebrate.

look at us - made it three whole months before shacking up.

i was sure about you the day we met.

by tonight, this will all be over and you'll be back here with us.

stare out the window on your own time, please.

that stunt was beneath you.

you've grown calloused doing his bidding. you used to try and make a difference, too.

i am asking you to stay true to your vision.

don't make me threaten you.

you think we have a class divide now? this could blow the whole thing up.

god, i wish i could open a frigging window.

i miss the sound of rain. i miss so many things.

you just keep your head down, alright? we'll watch your back.

i guess they're his rules to change.

he chose the will of the people.

we don't have will, we have order.

you must be happy now that you're bourgeoisie.

are you gonna extort addicts for sex today?

now, you're gonna see some things that are unfamiliar to you - things like hygiene and self respect. you will hear people speaking in complete sentences. now don't punch them, don't punch their belongings, don't lick things - am i making myself clear?

maybe he turned over the wrong rock.

i've got $400 million in early investor status and a whole world of pain when it comes to my survival.

day-to-day operations… justice, resources — maybe these matters would be better handled here, where their effects are felt.

he mostly just stared at us coldly - which, i won't lie, is very effective.

i was as much her hostage as i was his.

send a message that justice is not reserved for the rich.

don't take this personally, huh? and don't get caught.

so you go ahead with your show trial and prepare to suffer the consequences - because you're messing with my blood line.

the confusion… the ache in my guts, the fear - that's love, isn't it?

he said fear makes people honest.

i was silent when i should have spoken, but he gave his life to save humanity from the darkness that almost swallowed me whole.

well, that changes the calculus, doesn't it?

there's no choice - it's what she asked for in the worst case.

you need to hide him.

keep your head on a swivel, because trouble comes sideways.

to climb, someone else falls. to gain, someone else loses.

have all the fun jobs, man - and you don't even have to follow protocol.

you can shag the help too, right?

maybe you should find a girlfriend.

they'd suffer along with the rest of us - they're putting the gun to their own head.

why would they punish you?

careful what you wish for, huh?

you should've left me out of it! then all of this rage that you feel, all of the blame - then it would've been pure!

when they discover he's missing, this'll be the first place they look.

there can be no more contact - it's for your own good.

i need to tell you something, in case anything happens to me.

he's an illusion to keep the rest of us in line.

christ, what a picture.

tissue damage is limited. as for your melon, it could be days before the fog clears.

i'm not cleared to know.

do you know - if what you did comes out, you'll lose your job, probably an arm too and your girlfriend? well, she'll just drop you like the piece of rough shit that you are.

so here's what i want: every last thing i can get.

there's fun to be had here, and i plan to have some.

and now we all know you're as dirty at they come, you're gonna have to play along, aren't ya?

she was a warrior. she fought like hell. and she loved you kids more than anything.

you're the head of the family now.

i wanna do something for them - for everybody. lift spirits.

fancy meeting you here.

we should run away to tahiti together, you know?

there comes a point where you can't stay on the sidelines any longer.

you did all this by yourself?

i think maybe you should be teaching me.

i feel like i've lived so many lives, died so many times.

i don't have your courage.

we're fighters. we protect the things we love.

he's gonna be fine - it's just gonna take time.

i might never get another chance like this.

we can talk about this tomorrow - make a plan, okay?

lucky you. you get to put on some grubbies.

you cannot spare the rod with these people, you know - you've got to hammer down.

the whole goddamn human experiment - it can be undone by a bloom of mould.

they were selected for diversity, for health, for skills - to give us a fighting chance on the other side!

you decide who lives and who dies.

you don't know the specs, and i need you on diagnostics.

i designed her. i'll fix her.

i'm not gonna stand by while you abuse people.

these are my last words: i won't let you extort me and you're a dick.

i don't get you - so righteous on the small stuff, but pretty darn flexible when it comes to high crimes.

you shouldn't have locked me out!

don't you ever feel like you're being kept in the dark?

i wanna show you something you haven't seen in a long, long time.

i know it seems like this might be the end, but it's not - it can't be.

we are going to make it. i just know it. we just will.

find someone and hold them close, and please, try to stay warm.

it's gonna come out, what you did, whether i spill it or not.

you should, uh. go find your girl.

i should've shown up for you last night.

what if i'm not the person you think i am?

the celebration will end, but their grievances won't.

well, it's nice to see you back among the living.

keep the door locked and, if anyone knocks, pretend you're not here.

[yawpie]

Shooting star

{NOT INOSAKU} {BESTFRIEND AU}

"Mango ice-cream is way better!"

"No! strawberry slaps as always!"

"Strawberry ice cream taste like my cough medicine!"

"Have you ever tried it Sakura? Besides, it matches your hair as well"

"No, but have yo—!"

Before Sakura could finish rambling about how bad strawberry ice cream tasted, she was stopped when a spoonful of strawberry ice cream was jammed into her mouth. Her eyes widened when she realised what Ino had done. Her eyes widened even more when she noticed how good it tasted that her forehead muscles hurt.

"Like it billboard brow?"

Sakura swallowed the ice cream and wiped her mouth before she spoke "It tasted better than I expected" certainly not like the cough medicine she talked about "But I'll stick with mine, thankyou"

"Whatever"

Sakura and Ino were inseparable since childhood and did everything together. They shared storied, secrets, and laughed together. They were each other's support system, confidantes, partner in crime and everyone around them knew how their friendship was unbreakable.

Ino was the extroverted one, always ready to take on any challenge and make new friends. She had a contagious smile and a bubbly personality that drew people towards her. Sakura, on the other hand, was an introvert, quiet and reserved. She was content with a few close friends and loved to read books and watch movies. Ino brought out the best in Sakura, and Sakura grounded Ino whenever she got too carried away.

They went to the same school and lived in the same neighbourhood. They spent their summers swimming in the lake, playing board games, and watching the stars. They had dreams of traveling the world together, becoming writers, and living in a cosy cottage by the lake.

From eating ice cream in elementary school, to random pizza dates in high school, to screaming their lungs out to their favourite music in their rooms, sleepless sleep overs and laughing till their stomach's hurt. Day by day, they only wished they would stay together as best friends till death do them apart.

"You're my best friend, you are supposed to feel the second-hand embarrassment"

Ino and Sakura were driving to college like the nineteen-year old's they were and Ino was singing her hear out with the window rolled down in the morning, and they had just been caught being ugly at seven in the morning.

"You'll be the death of me pig, plus it's seven am in the morning?!"

As they grew older, their friendship only grew stronger. They went to college together, took the same courses, and even joined the same sorority. They were each other's wing-woman, and they never let anything come between them. They had each other's back no matter what.

"Ino guess what?!"

"You finally found your man?" Ino said peaking from her laptop

"Yes! And I have a date with him tomorrow!" Sakura said jumping up and down squealing as Ino put her laptop down and went to do the same

"Dressing you up is my job! And was it that guy you were talking about? One of the Uchiha brothers?" Ino held Sakura's hand together looking into her eyes.

"Yes! The younger one!" Sakura said as Ino pulled her into a hug

"Sasuke Uchiha? You bagged that guy? Oh my we should already start preparing for your wedding. I'll be your bridesma—"

"Ino, it's just a date. Stop celebrating already, we dint find yours yet "Sakura cut her off.

"Tsk. Don't worry about me honey, I'll have a man when the right time comes up"

And so they moved in together after graduating university into a small apartment big enough for the two of them. Now getting a job was the main thing to pay off their rents and it looked like Sakura had one today.

"So how do I look?" Sakura said standing in front of Ino with her pencil skirt and white formals

"Banger my lady, show them who Sakura Haruno is!" Ino said balling her fists into the air.

"It's already getting late" rushed Sakura putting on her watch and grabbing her bag

"Ino, promise me something okay?" Sakura said picking up her train pass.

"Hm? Yeah yeah I'll buy you strawberry ice cream after your interview" she said not looking at her.

"Thankyou, but no, not that" Ino closed her laptop and turned towards her best friend raising her eyebrow and gesturing her to continue

"Promise me that you'll live your life to the fullest. Travel the world, write your stories, and fall in love. Don't waste a single moment. Promise me that you'll be happy." Sakura walked to Ino and gave her a warm hug

"That was sudden—ow! Alright I promise!" Ino said releasing the hug as she held her shoulders

"I promise, billboard brow"

-------

Ino was now pacing around their room, worrying and overthinking as every second passed by. Sakura was to return home two hours ago and she wasn't home yet. She grabbed the TV remote to divert her mind but it soon fell when she saw what was on the news

"Train caught fire on the way to it's destination in Tokyo this morning, 750 assumed dead and 30 unidentified"

Ino grabbed her purse and jolted off to the station Sakura was supposed have gone to, it seems that they had shifted all the passengers to the Konoha hospital, she quickly called a taxi and drove to the hospital, running her way to the ER

"Sakura Haruno, is there any patient here named Sakura Haruno?!" Ino tried to take a breath as she asked the receptionist.

"Please describe the patient" The nurse pulled out a notepad

"Pink hair, green eyes, was wearing a pencil skirt and a white formal" Ino said holding on to the straps of her bag tightly

The nurse looked up from her clipboard downhearted

No.... nononoonononono this can't be happening—

"Bed number 314, please take her to patient number 314" The receptionist said to one of the nurses.

"Please follow us ma'am"

And there she laid on the hospital bed, her white shirt now burnt and brown due to the fire, her arms and legs bruised with second degree burns as the nurse lifted up the white sheet from her face

"Is she the one you're looking for?"

It was as if the world had stopped, no way that was sakura right?! the person who i promised that i would buy her Ice cream after—

She let out one of the painfullest sobs the hospital had ever heard, clutching the white sheets on the bed and holding her best friend's hand as she kneeled down on the floor

"No.....not you Sakura" 

Sakura, her best friend had passes away, leaving Ino heartbroken and alone

-----

"Promise me that you'll live your life to the fullest. Travel the world, write your stories, and fall in love. Don't waste a single moment. Promise me that you'll be happy."

Ino kept her promise. She traveled the world, wrote her stories, and fell in love. But she could never forget Sakura, her best friend, her soulmate. She missed her every day and wished she could have her back.

Years went by, and Ino grew old. She never forgot Sakura, and she lived her life to the fullest, just like she promised. But her heart was always heavy with the pain of losing her best friend. She missed the laughter, the secrets, and the adventures they shared.

One day, as Ino sat in her rocking chair by the lake, watching the stars, she whispered to the wind, "I miss you, Sakura. You were my soul mate, my person, my wing-women, my best friend forever"

And as if in response, a shooting star streaked across the sky, lighting up the darkness for a moment, reminding Ino of the light that Sakura brought into her life. And then, it was gone, leaving Ino with her memories, her regrets, and her love for her best friend.

[sinistersinister]

people doing moral panic because young women on tiktok like reading eroticized fictional abusive relationships as if we haven't had this kind of talk since the advent of literature.

if you can support your argument (that these media trends concretely lead to an increase in actual abuse) with data then forget i said anything, i've been nonsexually owned, i'll eat my words. and i hate to be such a snotty little stemlord about it but i need concrete evidentiary support. denying someone harmless fun because it makes you personally feel bad is just as insufferably 'choice feminist' as what you accuse others of doing (seeking false 'empowerment' through individual actions that don't happen in a vacuum) otherwise.

as i said i'll eat my words if i'm wrong.

i'm not gonna go full bore 'omg let the girlies enjoy things!' because nobody's actually pushing against them in a systemic way.* the people in power hate women fantasizing for other, even more baroquely evil reasons. nobody who travels in anti-written porn feminist circles is stopping people from posting cringe. nobody is stopping fictional one direction (but punk and also vampires and maybe mob bosses for some reason) from buying you. but i'm a bit annoyed is all.

*it's like how nobody's actually denying you the chance to wear skirts or makeup. there is an anti-girliness out there but that's just becaue people will hate a woman no matter what she does and it's not specifically against 'femininity' (however we're defining that today). it's even harder for gnc women. and there's no anti-feminine conspiracy full of severe intimidating butch women who are going to strap you down and hit you for being a grotesque little deviant pervert and maybe sit on you so you can feel the rough wool of their smart suit set and okay wait i got a bit off track but MY POINT STILL STANDS

[adamgant]

147: Ditching the all or nothing mentality with Ali Shapiro

147: Ditching the “all or nothing” mentality with Ali Shapiro https://ift.tt/T6ENDwy Today, I’m so excited to welcome Ali Shapiro to the podcast! Here’s what we talk about in today’s episode: – Her health and wellness background – The “all or nothing” mentality -The importance of flexibility for maintaining long-term consistency   147: Ditching the “all or nothing” mentality with Ali Shapiro Ali is the host of the top-ranked podcast Insatiable, a holistic nutritionist, integrated health coach, and rebel with a serious cause. She’s academically, practically, and empathetically aware of how the medical system, diet culture, and body positivity movements all have their own flavor of crazy. Ali developed TRUCE while in graduate school at the University of Pennsylvania, where she drew from her 17+ years of working with real life clients and her own personal healing journey from emotional eating and having cancer as a teenager. Ali’s work and clients’ unique success has been featured in well + Good, mindbodygreen, Prevention, Women’s Health and Forbes, as well as industry leading podcasts Being Boss, Tell Me Something True, and Food Heaven. Follow Ali on Instagram and check out her website here.  More resources from this episode: I love love love the meals from Sakara Life! Use this link and the code XOGINAH for 20% off their meal delivery and clean boutique items. This is something I do once a month as a lil treat to myself and the meals are always showstoppers. If any of my fellow health professional friends are looking for another way to help their clients, I highly recommend IHP. You can also use this information to heal yourself and then go one to heal others, which I think is a beautiful mission. You can absolutely join if you don’t currently work in the health or fitness industry; many IHPs don’t begin on this path. They’re friends who are passionate to learn more about health and wellness, and want to share this information with those they love. You can do this as a passion, or start an entirely new career. You can use my referral link here and the code FITNESSISTA for up to $250 off the Integrative Health Practitioner program. I highly recommend it! You can check out my review IHP Level 1 here and my review of Level 2 here. I’m still obsessed with my sauna blanket. This is one of my favorite ways to relax and sweat it out. I find that it energizes me, helps with aches and pains, I sleep better on the days I use this, and it makes my skin glow. Link to check it out here. You can also use my discount FITNESSISTA15 for the PEMF Go Mat, which I use every day, and the red light face mask, which is a staple in my weekly skincare routine. Get 20% off Organifi with the code FITNESSISTA. I drink the green juice, red juice, gold, and Harmony! (Each day I might have something different, or have two different things. Everything I’ve tried is amazing.) Thank you so much for listening and for all of your support with the podcast! Please be sure to subscribe, and leave a rating or review if you enjoyed this episode. If you leave a rating, head to this page and you’ll get a little “thank you” gift from me to you.  The post 147: Ditching the “all or nothing” mentality with Ali Shapiro appeared first on The Fitnessista. via The Fitnessista https://ift.tt/IGV3XsF December 21, 2023 at 01:45PM

[captain-kit-adventuress]

Hey, I just want to put people on their guard: there is an article that appeared in The Washington Post today which has the potential to be extremely triggering to anyone with an eating disorder, disordered eating, or food issues, or is in a larger body. To make matters worse, it is sloppy, unnuanced reporting passed off as good and it's going to hurt a lot of people. I won't link the article because I believe it to be that harmful, but it's about dietitians who take sponsorships from food and beverage companies. Many of the dietitians the article names are rather sketchy in how they present these partnerships and in some of the advice they give, but at least one of the RDs they profile is given a lot of unfair weight and the framing they use to talk about her is next-door to sinister, especially because she's Black and primarily works with low-income, food-insecure clients. I happen to be familiar with her work, and I know that what the Post wrote about her is flat-out wrong.

I hesitate to call it a smear piece overall, because there is a grain of truth in the article, but it's taken in the worst faith possible (and some of the "facts" they report have no factual basis at all) and I want people to beware, especially people struggling with food and/or in larger bodies. Please, please protect yourselves and don't read the article if you think it might even be a little bit upsetting. Sometimes it can take awhile for that to set in, too, so if you do decide to read it, try to give yourself the time you need to process it, knowing that it might take a few days or more, and reach out to both your professional support system and your informal supports as much as is feasible. It's okay to make a mistake and think you can peruse without issue, and find out you were wrong. Just try to take care of yourselves if that happens, please.

I love you all and want you to be safe.

[takeeachdayonebookatatime]

Why did you elbow me? 130

Achilles Castle part 35

Dave: pov Everyone is off doing their own thing until dinner. Me and Alexis are watching a movie in her room since it's raining a little. I hope it stops soon.

Martha: pov the rain finally stopped Richard is trying to decide what we are having for dinner. He picks steaks which he and Jim are going to show Dave how to grill and corn on the cob with potato salad.

Castle: pov from my wheelchair me and Jim are showing Dave how to cook a steak. Alexis is shucking the corn so it can be put on the grill. The rest of the girls are making the potato salad. Once everything is done, we sit down and eat.

Martha: pov dinner was amazing and everyone except Richard and Katherine are getting ready to leave. I'm happy they can have a few minutes or an hour together alone. I'm headed off to the play, Alexis and Dave are leaving for the beach.

Lanie: pov i hope Jim likes this support group type meeting, it should really help him. I'm off to the spa. I whisper something privately to Kate which makes her face turn red. The spa looks amazing. I'm so excited.

Jim: pov I pull up in front of the building and find a parking spot. I sign in and find a seat. Everyone is supposed to talk about their family member, with the health issue. This is going to be hard for me. After introducing ourselves the group leader starts asking about our family member, with the health issue. I'm asked to go first, I don't think I can do this. I mention it's a long story and the guy says we are in no hurry. It all started in January of 1999 my wife Joanna was murdered, I explain everything up until Castle started looking into it, her murder and what happened after. I mention how Katie's Captain sacrificed himself to end it all. But the dragon wasn't done; he must have found out somehow that Katie was still looking into it. Turns out he hired a 3rd hit-man this time to Kill Katie. While she was at her Captain's funeral giving the eulogy she was shot in the left chest by a sniper causing severe chest trauma. Almost didn't make it. It's a miracle she is alive today. Died in the ambulance, suffered cardiac arrest even flatlined. The bullet hit her left inferior pulmonary vein and left ventricle. Katie's left lung, was also collapsed as well, they weren't even sure if she would survive her emergency heart surgery. She has arrhythmia from it that turns into vt. She also has a weak immune system and still has some issues with her left lung .

Bishop support group leader: pov his daughter was a homicide detective at the time. Wow, it seems like your daughter is a fighter. It's nice to hear she is Captain now. It seems like you struggle a little with this all the fact that your daughter has a serious health condition. He tells me Katie is the reason he is sober, and he started drinking after his wife died. It's hard sometimes watching his little girl have a heart episode.

Kate: pov I have strict orders from Lanie to take it easy. Castle is laying on top of a towel on the couch In nothing but a t-shirt. I take off his shirt so I can make him happy. I grab a sponge and touch/clean him with it for a sponge bath. I had no idea how much this would turn him on. Once I'm near his private parts with the sponge Castle makes a noise. I ask if he likes that and he says yes. After a while he can't take it anymore and releases himself. I then finish cleaning him up and help him change clothes. I sit on the sofa and kiss him, I know he really needed this and to be clean. He tells me let's make you happy now. I point to my chest saying I'm not sure, Lanie said for me to take it easy. Castle decides to take it slow with his fingers not wanting me to overdo it. Afterwards he gives me a nice back massage.

Castle: pov I looked it up and the AHA has some cool activities for the event. Everyone is now back from their things and had so much fun even Jim had a good time. Kate pulls out some games for all of us to play until bedtime. I have a follow up appointment the day after tomorrow for my leg. It's getting late and we have to be at the event by 7:30am to set everything up so I can sign autographs. Everyone heads to bed. In the morning I'm up at 5:30am with Everyone except Kate who is still sleeping. Alexis is getting everything packed for the event, Martha and Jim are making breakfast. Dave is loading stuff into the car. Lanie is printing some stuff on the computer. Kate is now up and helping Lanie pack the bag for Kate, it's the one we used at the concert. Lanie suggests putting some cooling stuff and a few snacks and some water bottles in it. Kate already took her meds and Lanie changed her bandage.

Martha: pov Richard bought this specialty waffle mix for Katherine. It's supposed to be heart healthy. Jim is making them while I make the regular ones, Richard is cutting up the fruit to go with our meal. Orange juice and milk are the drink options with our food. Once we are done eating everyone heads off to get changed since this is an AHA event the whole family is wearing special shirts.

Dave: pov I'm wearing a shirt that says know the signs of cardiac arrest. Alexis's shirt says how to properly do chest compression. Mr Castle must have specially ordered these shirts. His shirt says know the signs of a cardiac tampon. Jim walks out of his room wearing a Cardiac surgeon Dr Kovacs saved my daughter's life shirt. Martha is in the kitchen wearing a Wells-cornell trauma center shirt. To be continued. ………….

[theorist-influencer-untitled]

6.13.23 Tuesday

6:27 am

Windblow windblow trap... Last day of food yesterday...Still, no signs of life coming from Uncle DD that he is handling the fundings according to Aunt Teresa...

Uncle Jun is up already, preparing going to baranggay'Z Zombies Monkeya'Z...

6:34 am

Plus,my pelvic is really aching or my sciatica or priformis... That I still need to do my massage therapy on Elsie... That Uncle DD will not help me angels and this Uncle Jun can't help me as well..

Uncle Jun said DD will not text me if he doesn't need anything, coz I asked him awhile ago if Uncle DD text him....( the tandem'Z )....

7:06 am

I think ,Uncle DD is talking to Uncle Jun now... He is texting me about the water bill... Sometimes, nana forgot to switch off the faucet in the bathroom... Plus, the loose faucet in the kitchen...

Uncle Jun said just wait for the money that Uncle DD will send... Fake Uncle DD ... hmm... hmm....What about my massage therapy?

7:27 am

One more thing Uncle DD is really fake... I have a nana here and a son-dog, I'm not leaving them without a food to eat during lunch time... Coz nana is usually super hungry in the morning... Uncle DD is only giving us here a "fake care"! Plus, I'm a certified "caregiver"! I was the top 1 and next Marion... The exams were hellish! Aside from I'm a Biology graduate! My nana is, my nana and her body needs to eat...

In-short I need to borrow something again from the store....The Palawan will open at 9am the savemore at 10 am....I need time to buy food coz I'm budgeting everything.... I can't go back at 12 noon and my nana and my son-dog will have ulcer or will starve...

8:34 am

Uncle Jun switched the human dish sponge on John's sponge... Was it on purpose? Was it him? Coz he was the first person today who went to the kitchen... Who done it?

10:30 am

It will be unfair if Uncle DD will be the next Aunt Teresa....What about my coffee? He is not qualified to be a father figure of Aunt Karen's son...

On the windblow trap.. Those people want sex and sex and eating probably...

Where are my old friends? My real old friends? But for some people that are not my friends, I didn't ask anything from them even on some weird members of Nightingale and some church of christ...

Like MJ in Nightingale like the windblow trap, I just met her there but we had no connection. So, don't dare say that she became nothing coz of she cares for me? That's her chosen path... I will slap her face... We had no connection. I didn't know her that much...

11:08 am

Hmm... Slap yes it is! Because I'm an aristocrat and educated, whoever you are windblow trap!

4:08 pm

Done, doing the food buying ( Japanese way or term of saying grocery for the week * food buying* ) for this week... The 2500 is not enough! I want bacon and I need milk... Oh! GOD...

Thankful but not enough... Don't say that I'm not thankful but don't say that is enough coz it is not enough...

I need cleaning materials so tight budgeting here... I need a mouse trap...

4:48 pm

I feel bitter... I feel bitter... I can't have a new set of friends who speak English and willing to pull me up... Getting a colored bf who is willing to be my support system ( financial sharing ) it is part of having relationship with someone...

I need a lift, angels...

5:24 pm

Thanks Janna for this... It means a lot to me most specially these days... Kawaii means cute2x...

Another Joyice cream...

9:45 pm

I feel bitter... I wanna leave the hometown...I missed so many things in life... Super self-pitying...

[dzpenumbra]

12/12/22

Today was intense, but overall good. The meds hit Max really hard last night. She could barely walk. I was really babysitting her around the stairs, it just completely slipped my mind that last time she did these meds we were in a one-story house, now we're in a loft. After a bit of juggling and making sure her needs were met, we went to bed. She woke me up a few hours later by peeing on the weighted blanket next to me. I honestly couldn't even tell if it was pee at first, it thought she had drooled. It was very confusing. I just had to soak it up and wash it out with a pair of socks, I really didn't have anything else, then I got back to sleep.

Then, in the AM, she wouldn't eat her dosed breakfast, not all of it. I tried every strategy I knew. I do have to say, with how extremely stressful and powerless that kind of situation made me feel, I'm very proud of my emotional management of it. I didn't lose my cool at all, I stayed calm and encouraging and tried to make the best of it all.

The appointment went well. The nurse was very nice and high energy, and had pretty eyes. Yeah, I'm feeling overwhelmingly single lately. But it's not like I have ever gone out and like... hit on people... so, I just was nice and friendly, like I usually am. I wonder why I'm single... The doctor was very nice, and attractive as well. So it just made me feel a lot more comfortable, honestly. People around my age, who were treating me really nice and like a peer, and were being incredibly sweet to my cat. Just a really nice feeling.

She got the blood draw, I'm guessing I'll get the results in the next couple days. She was super cooperative, despite not getting all the meds in her system. We discussed some better joint supplements to try out, which we will soon, they were out of stock.

Honestly, I could go through the entire day and list off a dozen awesome things that happened. And I will. I got a chair as an early christmas present and built it and it's really nice. I ordered Grubhub for lunch and it was awesome. I did laundry and enjoyed it. I took the recycling out. I cooked dinner. If so many good things happened today, why am I in a shit mood?

It's 2AM. Again. I lost track of time again. I lost track of my cat's prescription, it's hard to see what the level in the applicator thing is and I have no idea when it's going to run out, so I panic-ordered a refill and got overnight delivery. I'm... becoming more aware of my distractibility and lack of memory and shit. Like... it's bit me in the ass before. And I try so goddamn hard, I have so many systems and shit but sometimes things just... slide through the cracks. I hate that this is hard for me, it makes me feel stupid, inept.

And then I watched a video. It was about asking people for support with your needs. And it felt like it was said from the perspective of someone who has a lot of people in their life. And it made me flash back to every single friend who turned me down. When I called my former best friend at like 1AM after a severe trauma, like right when it happened, and she excused herself off the phone because she had work in the morning. When I asked my former friend to retweet my tweets announcing I'm going live on Twitch, and he said that was too much to ask and refused to discuss it. When I was having a freakout while on the phone with a friend --- okay, I don't want to relive all this shit again. It was every single one of them. All of them.

I'm afraid my needs are too much for everyone. Like... everyone. They're too much for a friend. They're too much for a best friend. They're "not in the scope of the work that I do" for a therapist or social worker or life coach or vocational counselor. They're too much to bring into a relationship. They're not available from family. So... who do I go to? Like... who do you go to to get your needs met when even the professionals turn you down?

I could hear how difficult it was for this woman to talk about this topic. And it was heart-wrenching and brain-spinning just to listen to and engage with. It really threw the night in a tailspin and uncorked a lot of emotions.

I have the curse of giving and giving and giving, everything that I have and more. And having every person I give to either disappear when they've taken what they want.... or stick around to tell me that what I need is not something they are willing to offer, but they still want to keep taking. You know, cuz that's healthy. Like I even choose what my needs are. And it's fucked up, because over the last like 5 years I started going down this rabbit hole of like... reducing my needs to the smallest amount possible. Asking for as little as possible. And you'd think the problem would change, right? It didn't. It didn't change at all. I walked away from a friend because I told her I wanted to hang out more than once a month, and that "penciling me in" for a phone call a month later was... well... I wish I had said "insulting to our 10 year friendship", but I just kinda froze in disbelief that it was actually happening and quietly but quickly found an emergency exit.

I guess the theme here is... I don't know what to expect from people. And I feel like I am too much for others. I have so much to give. So much love, so much creativity, so much effort, wisdom, strategy. And I really don't feel like my needs are "too much". I would know, I'm literally the only one who has been responsible for them for like... the majority of my life. I have never had a girlfriend that was responsible for my needs, or even really expected to attend to them. Like, I had one girlfriend that has ever even lived with me and I was genuinely surprised when she participated in supporting me with like... medical stuff. Yes, financial support has been present most of my life - at a pretty big cost, to be fair - but emotional, practical, spiritual, psychological support? Hell no. It makes me start to wonder if it's even a real thing, and if so, how rare it is.

Maybe that's why I don't flirt, and why I freeze up when I'm supposed to write a "compliment" on Bumble to like... even have a snowball's chance of being noticed by that person. It's not that I don't know how. There's a really passive, buried, primal reflex that just blanks my brain. I think it's "protecting" me. Protecting me from falling head-over-heels with another... this word is going to sound harsh... parasite.

I'm so blinded by my insecurity around my needs, that I don't see the... irony in all this. I struggle to even voice my needs, to even ask, because I'm afraid it's too much, I'm afraid I'll scare them off, stuff like that. These people that I've been around, that I've been close to. They don't even ask. They fucking take. They walk into my home with boots on and track shit around my house, and casually talk about it knowing that I'm not going to call them out on it. They start emotionally dumping on me without asking permission, and rarely ever --- oh man, I was saving that one, fuck it, let's go bigger. They. Do. Not. Apologize. For. Shit. And me? I apologize for shit I didn't even do. I apologize for my cat trying to get into a locked metal cabinet. I apologize for showing up only 10 minutes early when I was intending to show up 15 minutes early. They walk into my life, take what they want, do what they want, wrap it all around their schedule and their life, then throw a fit when I ask for anything to be done on my terms. To even consider my needs.

I'm scared of meeting another one of those, because my track record is... not good, to say the least. And, more than anything, I'm afraid of not being able to identify them until it's too late. So, I guess the best I can hope for is for them to play their cards early, and for me to notice and be brave enough to walk away.

I shit you not, all of this goes through my head when I think about dating. Or even making friends. And it sucks. Because I'm a really good friend. And I bet there are some really cool people out there. I just... I'm really fragile. I'm supporting myself, and I... have my suspicions that that job is one that I am not really properly trained to do, and that every person I've asked to help me with has looked at and then did that like cartoon thing where their eyes pop out of their heads, then they do the big waving arm gestures "Nope, no, nooo." And these are people who have like... taken care of screaming infants and shit. So like... how bad am I?! I know the weight of supporting me, I carry it every day. And I really think my life would be much much more functional with more interpersonal support, I have for ages. But... I'm just... scared. Of people hurting me again. Betraying me again. Disappointing me and abandoning me. Leading me on, and draining me in the process. Wouldn't you be?

But at the end of the day. You have to climb out on a limb if you want the fruit. That's just... where it is. And today, I was more confident in my own skin than I've been in ages. And that was with a sudden pimple outbreak too! But i did have it covered with a mask, but whatever, still counts. This, again, is a confidence deficiency. And I'm going to have to address that tomorrow. I want to get to sleep before 4 so I'm going to go. This was hard, but this is where my head has been the past hour before writing this, so... this was actually pretty good for processing. I'm finding this action of processing these emotions - "I had such a good day, why am I so upset? Just because of a YouTube video?" - is a super simple process of just... rabbit-holing until you get a broader picture. But finding the core and finding a few little bright sides to it... it helps, you know? It doesn't fix shit, but at least you know why. That can be a lot more helpful than you'd think.