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your-daily-biaswrecking · 4 years ago

Text

Serva me, Servabo te

save me and I will save you

pairing: photographer!Taehyung x f.reader

genre: angst, smut, slight enemies to lovers

word count: 7.3k | reading time: 40 min

chapter summary: flash backs clear the mystery of their first encounter, they fight over it, and then things get a bit heavier

warnings: there’s finally some sexy stuff going on yall, alcohol usage, metions of cheating, some dirty talk ig, some not very fluffy smut, almost angry fucking, dubious I’d say, fingering f.receiving, oral f.receiving, kinda dom!Tae, name calling kink? idk

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Chapter 5: Irresistible urges of the past

3 years, 2 months, and 14 days ago at 7:35 pm

The party was Yoonji's idea but you never complained. Well, okay, you complained a little bit. But that was only when you heard the approximate number of guests that had been invited so far and argued your small, shared apartment would probably collapse from the total weight in it. You offered to move the function over to the bar down the street, but apparently, that's not a house-warming party.

"How on earth are so many people coming, anyway? We have, like, five friends at most. And that is including the lunch lady."

Yoonji gave you those puppy eyes. "Well, actually, Jimin just made an Instagram story to get the word out, not thinking many would wanna come," she mumbled under her breath, almost like she was trying to avoid giving you the explanation. "But it turns out ever since that video he did, lots and lots of people wanna be his friend now."

You exhaled hard, making a pathetic sound. "You gave the guy you've only been seeing for a couple of weeks permission to invite people to our party?"

She pouted at you. "I thought you liked him. Plus, he offered to do this for us. We barely know people here, Amy, this party is going to be the best to see new faces."

You chewed your lip as you were setting the drinks on the table in a nice order and contemplated your roommate's words. "What do you need new people for?" you whined. "You already have a best friend and a hot boyfriend."

Yoonji bumped her shoulder on your arm playfully. "But you don't. Who knows, maybe you'll like one of Jimin's friends."

You rolled your eyes at her, but that didn't cover up the smile that had started to form. "Doubt it," you objected. "Models are not exactly my type."

You heard Yoonji laugh from the kitchen. "Jimin's not a model!" she shouted back. Then peeked her head around the doorway to raise an eyebrow at you. "I mean, you're not entirely wrong."

People that you had never even seen before started showing up at your place, and without fail, they all asked where Jimin and Taehyung were. Rude, you thought. That was not their party; something that could easily be deduced by how they weren't even there yet. Also, when had Jimin become so popular all of a sudden? And who the fuck was Taehyung?

At about an hour after the place was already packed and your roommate's boyfriend had finally made an appearance, Yoonji just so happened that she was constantly MIA, and the task of welcoming the people that kept and kept on coming, fell entirely on your shoulders. A task that briefly seemed not so bad when you opened the door and a brown-haired, pretty boy stood in front of you. You guessed models were indeed invited to that party, the only explanation you could come up with for why the most handsome man you had ever led your eyes upon was looking at you and smiling.

"Is this Yoonji's and... Amy's party?" he asked and you were taken aback by his deep, raspy voice that countered his charming face.

"Yes," you said, letting him in. "And are you on the bride's or the groom's side?" You hated the joke the moment it left your lips, a moment too late to take it back. Five full seconds spent with a cute boy and you were already acting weird.

But the boy laughed, and the sound quite literally lifted your spirits. "I am with Jimin if that's what you're asking."

"Of course you are. Jacket?" You offered your hands up for him.

"Oh, right, where can I leave this?" he asked as he slid the piece of garment off his shoulders. You opened the door right behind you, a door that normally led to a small storage space, but you had turned into a temporary closet with all the jackets and purses you had shoved in there. The boy leaned next to you as he tried to find somewhere to leave his outerwear without just dropping it on the pile on the floor.

"Let me," you offered, taking a random jacket that hung from the ironing board, abandoning it on the ground, and replacing it with the pretty boy's one. That's pretty privilege for you.

He chuckled. "Whose was that? Is that okay?"

"Who cares, it's my house."

"Oh," he exclaimed, watching you more closely as you closed the door again and turned to him with your lips awkwardly pressed into a thin line. You pinned your body on the wall, waiting for him to move or say something. "You're Amy?" You nodded, and the boy burst out a big smirk. "Well, well, well..." he rasped. "I'm gonna kick Jimin's ass so hard. He didn't tell me Yoonji had such a cute roommate."

The way your entire face felt like it had caught on fire in a split second almost scared you. It definitely made your eyes widen and your head go into a defense mode; you had never flustered before, of course your brain would think it was under attack. And of course you would reply with something stupid again, like snorting and saying: "Right. And you are?"

"Kim Taehyung, freshly graduated and aspiring big photographer," he proudly introduced himself. It all suddenly seemed to click and you barely held yourself from gasping right in his face. He extended a hand to you, and you took it, ready to shake it. Instead, he surprised you by bringing it to his lips and planting a soft kiss right between your knuckles. "Enchanté," he whispered with his dark eyes piercing yours.

The stupid fire all over your face got worse. So worse all you could do was quickly pull away and scoff at him, but also laugh. "That was too much!"

"Sorry," he chuckled and gave you a big, boxy grin. "I was trying to make you swoon."

You couldn't help but mimic his energy. "Does that ever work on anyone?" Well, what a liar you are. It had literally turned your stomach into a knot.

And Taehyung, almost as if he knew that, smirked at you. "You'd be surprised."

Okay, so you may have overreacted a tiny bit when you took off running away from Taehyung. There could possibly have been other ways to go about it, like gently pushing him off and telling him this was a mistake, trying to talk, or even staying silent. Your head was spinning so hard as you stumbled down that path wishing you don't get lost in the foggy state your mind had dipped in due to the haste. And it had almost cleared, you had almost stopped to think about this rationally and wait for the photographer so that you could walk home together, but the longer you thought about it more clearly, the faster you ran. You didn't even know if it was fear or shame that was powering your flight, but it had to be one of those.

The further you stayed locked in your room, the later emotion became more and more prominent. You saw Taehyung emerge from the trees sometime later and get in the house, you heard him on the downstairs floor, you saw the lights turn on and off... He was everywhere, and you were hiding away, terrified and ashamed. How could you ever meet his eyes again? But most importantly, how would you face yourself in the mirror? You knew that was the worst part of the whole situation; you let your own self down.

3 years, 2 months, and 14 days ago at 1:23 am

You returned on the corner that Taehyung and you had been occupying all night long with a drink in your hands, swaying around and trying to survive the mob of drunk college students that were doing what you were sure they thought was dancing in the middle of the living room. Some of the drink spilled on the way and you're not sure if it was because of all the bumping on people or the way you had started seeing everything double and losing your balance pretty easily.

"What the hell happened to my chair?" you whined as you found the photographer sitting there alone when you had specifically asked him to save you the seat.

He shrugged. "I couldn't defend it, sorry." Then he spread his legs wide and pat his thigh, looking up at you with a smirk. "Just sit here."

You didn't think twice; sat down on his offered position, swinging your legs to the side to completely lie on his lap and an arm around his neck for balance. Your face was inches away from his, so much so you could smell the alcohol in his breath, his hands instantly on your waist and hips to pull you close. But it felt so comfortable. Since the moment you met, you hadn't left each other's side, and you hadn't stopped touching. Touching as in holding hands while talking or pushing him while laughing, playing with your clothes or stroking each other's hair. It seemed like there was always an excuse, or, better yet, constantly a need to touch.

"Ugh!" he gagged when he took one sip of the drink you had brought right to his lips. "What is this shit?"

You giggled. "Tequila."

"Is it just tequila?"

You kept giggling. "Actually, we ran out of soft drinks so I mixed it with water."

His mouth dropped open and he started laughing, too. "Of course! Why wouldn't you!" His hands around your body squeezed you tighter and you had to squirm around, still a need to get even closer.

"It's not that bad," you proclaimed, then took a sip from the same straw and had your entire face scrunch up. "See?"

Taehyung had gotten serious, staring at you intensely, as he slowly brought the straw right on his tongue yet again. He took a generous gulp, then offered the drink to you, his eyes fixed on your lips and the way they wrapped around right where his had just been. His stare gave you goosebumps, and you pressed yourself even closer, your hip flushed right against his lower abdomen.

"You know I don't drink," he said in a whisper. He didn't need to speak louder, you were right there. "I'm only doing this for you."

"Well," you mumbled as your fingers ran through the back of his hair. "That makes two of us doing something we don't usually do tonight." And you meant it. You never did this; whatever this was. Sitting on a cute boy's lap that you had only met a couple of hours ago, ready to devour him with the first chance you got. And boy, would you devour him.

"We haven't done anything yet," Taehyung noted, his hand dipping between your legs to pinch your thing.

"Yet," you murmured, pressing even closer to him, feeling his erection grow against your hip.

Your eyes alone could communicate. And all they conveyed was the urgency to get out of there. The need to be alone. Your entire body burned with that need, or maybe it was the alcohol. With no words spoken, you both got up, holding hands not to get lost in the crowd, and searched in the apartment for an empty room. The bathroom was locked, the kitchen busy, one bedroom filled with boys playing video games and the other with smokers. Taehyung pulled you towards the exit; he wasn't about to let the moment escape him. He would get you in his car or even back to his place if he had to, just to get his hands properly on you.

But you didn't have time for that. You needed him right away. So you opened up that makeshift closet and shoved him inside. Space was limited and your bodies were naturally pressed together. The moment the door closed behind you, you realized how dark it was; the light switch being outside, forgotten. You felt his hands ran up your body, trying to blindly find your face with haste like he was being chased.

His lips found yours. And you indeed devoured each other. He had you pinned against the door and his fingers through your hair as he kissed you like a starved man. You know how first kisses almost always suck? How it takes a while to find the right rhythm, to lean into it just enough to match the other's technic? That was nothing like that. It was the best kiss you had ever had, it was so perfect and so right. The way his lips moved over your own and his tongue stroked you, it was like you had done this a million times already, or simply like you were made for each other.

Nothing could stop you now. Not even your common sense that would advise you against fucking just anyone in that tiny space, when everyone was still outside. But common sense had left you long ago. Your body was being controlled by an innate, animalistic hunger. And you moaned his name as you straddled his waist and let him suck hickeys into your neck. And you thought about how this is the best thing that had happened to you as you started taking off his belt.

You heard it again; a thump in the room. This time it was certainly not just in your head. You looked around -let's be honest- scared out of your mind because the last thing you needed right now was for something to be hidden in there with you.

"Tae?" you asked in a low voice, just in case he was playing a stupid prank on you. But you were met with silence.

Until it happened again, a louder tap, and this time you determined it was coming from the window. Slowly, while keeping your body as far away as you could, you got closer. You stared at the glass, trying to figure out why it was making that sound. Then you saw it; a small pebble clashing on the pane and disappearing just as fast. You opened it immediately and leaned outside.

"What the hell?" you shouted when you noticed the shadow-covered man standing in the garden under your room. "What are you doing down there?"

Taehyung tossed away the stones he had in his palms, straining his neck to look up at you. "I wanted to talk to you."

"And you thought -instead of just coming to my room- it'd be easier to walk downstairs, get outside and throw rocks at my window?"

"I thought you wouldn't let me in if I just knocked on your door," he explained.

You groaned. He wasn't wrong; you would have probably continued to hide away and avoid him. But he didn't have to be so dramatic about it. Well, not that you are one to talk. "Ugh, just- get your ass in here," you shouted back.

"You're gonna talk to me?"

"Yes."

"Promise?"

You groaned again. "Yes!"

You saw Taehyung run inside as if he was afraid you would change your mind in the meantime. Perhaps you would. You really didn't want to talk to him. What would you even say? You had no excuse to give him, or no excuse you wanted him to know, anyway. All you wanted was to pretend he wasn't even there until morning came; then you could drive back home and go back to pretending you didn't even know each other.

"He is crazy," you mumbled to yourself as you decided you couldn't evade this anymore. "No, that man is certified insane!" you kept on complaining to no one as you opened your door and dashed away.

You ran into him in the middle of the staircase. Stood there, just a step away from him, with your arms folded over your chest, keeping your eyes anywhere but on him.

"So?" you spat.

"I wanted to talk to you," he said in a whisper, a tone that sounded like he was guilty of something.

"Yes, I got that. You can talk now."

He looked down at your feet. "Here?"

You scoffed and moved past him, jogging down the stairs and taking a turn towards the kitchen. The boy followed you diligently. When you reached the room, you immediately grabbed a glass and filled it with water, chugging it down in one go and going for a second turn. You really wished this was something stronger, looking around to see if you could spot a bottle of some kind of liquor. You would need it if you were to have the conversation you thought you would.

"I have a confession to make," Taehyung announced after he decided the silence was enough.

You froze, the glass of water still against your lips, and you looked at him from the corner of your eyes. "Oh, please," you groaned but still couldn't move. "No more confessions from you."

He sighed, walking until he got right in front of you so that he could look you in the eyes for this. "I remember your party."

See, this is exactly what you feared the most. This...This conversation was what was making this place truly haunted for you.

"What?" you weakly breathed.

"Your... welcoming party? With Yoonji?" he continued. As if you didn't know what party he was talking about. "I remember everything about it."

"But-"

"I wasn't that drunk."

The glass hit the counter with such force, for a second you thought you had broken it in your grip. But it had just provided a loud noise as you gaped at the boy in front of you. What were you supposed to say, now? Where to start?

"You didn't even remember meeting me!" you called out.

"Yeah I- I lied."

The worst part wasn't that he was pretending he didn't know who you were. No, that was low-key genius and you would have done the exact same thing if you were quick enough to think of it when you found yourself in that sitting room, across the person you least wanted to see. The worst part was that you had believed it. You felt like such an idiot. You had believed it and thought it meant you could have a clean start.

3 years, 2 months, and 14 days ago at 1:44 am

You didn't want to stop, but you still did, when Taehyung's phone went off. When he pulled away, gasping for air and apologizing. You thought you were having a moment there, you know, a moment where no matter who was calling, it wasn't important enough to pick up. But he apparently didn't see it that way. He took one look at his screen and asked you to be quiet.

Maybe your eyes accidentally caught the pet name on his contact for a split second, or maybe it was the girly voice that came muffled from the speaker, but your head started spinning without warning. And the space was suddenly too small, and it was choking you. You found the knob before he realized what you were doing, and with your body weight on the door, you were launched outside; into the light that burned your eyes. A girl was standing on the other side of the hallway, looking at you with judgement in her eyes and her phone in her hands, then immediately averting her pretentious gaze. A hand tried to hold onto your shirt to keep you back, but you escaped.

You stumbled through the place, not sure where you were trying to go or who you were trying to find, solely trying to keep yourself up and not barf on the new carpet. You wanted to get away, but where could you go? You lived there. You heard Yoonji's laugh before you even saw her, sighing in relief when you spotted her in the kitchen and letting your body fall on hers.

"Baby, baby, everything alright?" your roommate called for you, but you just held onto her without a word. She tried to bear your weight as best as she could, holding onto the counter so that you wouldn't both plummet onto the floor.

Another hand rubbed your back. "Did you drink a little too much, Ames?" It was Jimin's sweet voice. You whined into your friend's neck before you pulled back to look at her boyfriend.

"Jimin, is Kim Taehyung your friend?" you asked him.

He frowned, a little confused as to how the conversation got there. "Ye- yeah. He's my best friend. You met him, right?"

"Yeah," Yoonji responded for you. "I saw them talking earlier."

You took a deep breath; everything seemed to be against you at that moment, even the air itself, and you were trying so hard to not crumble. "Does he have a girlfriend?" you dared ask, even though you thought you might vomit if you heard the answer.

"Who? Tae?" Yoonji mumbled. You nodded, and she gave you a smirk right away. "Ohh... Why do you ask, baby? You interested?"

You rolled your eyes as both of them started teasing you. "No," you tried to tell them.

"Why, was he flirting with you?"

"How does he get every girl like that?"

"No, guys-"

"I don't blame her. He's so hot."

"Hey! I'm right here!"

"Just answer the damn question!" you yelled at them, and they finally stopped. Jimin looked at you with the same frown again.

"He does," he said and everything that was spinning in the room stopped abruptly. "Sorry, love. I promise you'll be the first to know when they break up."

Everything was foggy, and you felt numb. So numb, there was absolutely no thought in your head. You barely noticed the couple turn their heads to the door, barely realized who it was they were looking at.

"No, thanks," you whispered to Jimin then and pulled Yoonji away. "Bathroom," you simply stated and she carefully took you there, avoiding successfully the boy that was the topic of your conversation. For the first time of the many, many more that followed. All those times you stayed clear of gatherings you knew he would be at. All those times you changed your way, left a coffee shop, stayed silently in a corner in places there was nowhere else to go. You never told Yoonji exactly why you didn't want to be in the same room with him again, but she was very supportive no matter what.

You weren't sure why, either. Whether it was your hurt ego, your high standards for the people surrounding you, or the shame you felt every time you met his eyes, you couldn't tell. One thing you knew for sure was how you vowed to never fall for that again. Not from Taehyung, and not from anyone else. No more hooking up with random fuck boys at parties. No more associating yourself with people you don't even value enough. Kim Taehyung was an asshole, and you didn't care what he did or who he did it with, but you would rather be caught dead than be caught with him ever again.

Yet there you were. With him.

You cleared your throat. "And you're telling me this now because...?"

The photographer frowned, mostly at himself, clenching his jaw and looking at the ground. "Well, because you kissed me and ran away as if your life depended on it. Thought it might have something to do with that."

"Right." You bit the inside of your cheek, nodding slightly as you tried to think of what to say. Truly, what could you say? There have been so many things torturing your mind, but you didn't know which of those would be worth saying aloud. "Okay," you simply mumbled. "Are we done then?"

You tried walking past him but he held you back. "Wait, wait, hold on. You promised we would talk."

You just looked at him with your eyes wide. "You said you had a confession to make. You made it. There’s nothing more to say about that."

"Yes, there is."

"Like what?"

Taehyung snorted, finally letting you go. "Like what your problem with me is!"

You released a bitter laugh. "I thought you said you remember everything about that night."

He licked his lips and ran a hand through his hair. "It's been three years-"

"And you stay lying to me." He looked at you intensely but you didn't back down. You might not have wanted to have this conversation, but now that it was happening, you wouldn't cower one bit.

"Look," he started, taking a step closer. "What I did was wrong. Both to you and to my girlfriend. I understand, it was very shitty and I don't have any excuses. I'm not here to give you any excuses."

"Yeah, 'cause there is no excuse for such a thing," you bit back.

Taehyung sighed at your attitude, somewhat losing his patience, but continued. "Right," he mumbled through his teeth. "I told her what I did and we broke up. Actually, she forgave me and wanted to stay with me but I insisted on breaking up because I didn't want her to be in a relationship where I made such a mistake, I wanted her to find someone better."

You shrugged, folding your arms over your chest yet again and tapping your foot on the floor. "Alright. Good for her. What do you want, a cookie?"

"No-"

"You really did less than the minimum, there, buddy. I don't know what you want from me right now."

"I- nothing!"

"Then why are you telling me this?"

He paused, opening and closing his mouth again, clearly not knowing how to reply. Maybe he expected a different reaction, or maybe he was nervous and it all translated into a type of irritation, but he was starting to look angry. "Because!" he said in a louder tone. "Because you keep treating me like that, you're acting like I'm this huge asshole, and I get it- first impressions are hard to change, but I'm not! I'm not that asshole you've made me out to be and quite frankly it's starting to get pretty annoying."

You chuckled. What else were you supposed to do? You couldn't believe what you were hearing. "Excuse me, but I have the right to believe anything I want about you. If I have a certain idea of who you are and it's not affecting you in any way, then what's the problem?" You saw Taehyung roll his eyes and turn away, his hands on his hips as he shook his head and sighed. "If I think what you did is bad enough for me to never change my mind about you, then that's my opinion."

He was mumbling his words out, not being able to form a sentence long enough for it to make sense. "But that's- you-" He kept grunting and shaking his head at you until he finally spoke up. "Three years!" he announced. "It's been three years, Amy, and you're still punishing me for this. Alright, it's your opinion to determine the gravity of it, but don't tell me it doesn't affect me. Not when you've been avoiding me for three years."

"I haven't-" you tried to lie.

But he knew better than that. "Yes, you have. Every time I wanted to come along with my friends, something always came up and you'd bail. You didn't even show up at Jimin's birthday for crying aloud! Because you knew I'd be there. And I wanted to talk to you, apologize to you. I liked you and wanted to make this right and you never gave me the chance." He took a deep breath after having given his monologue in a haste, almost like he was scared his words would bail, too, if he wasn't quick enough. "And then you're wondering why I pretended I didn't remember you?" You blinked at him when you realized he was waiting for an answer. You had none to give him. "What was I supposed to do, huh? What could I have done that wouldn't have resulted in you getting back in that car and driving away?"

You stayed silent, looking at him through your lashes, then averting your gaze again. You sniffed your nose a couple of times as you were trying to get your thoughts straight. Kicked the floor once or twice as you felt your body squirm under his stare; he wouldn't relieve you from the scrutiny. "I..." you finally mumbled. "I'm not interested in reconciling with you." You gulped but noticed his stance and expression didn't change at all. Like he expected those words. "I'm sorry if that's what you wanted to do, and that I prevented you from even trying. But I won't change my mind about this."

He licked his lips, looking at you with a serious frown, then simply said: "Why?"

Why was he even asking? Was it not obvious? "Look, I simply don't like people who do things like these. I don't want them as boyfriends, or friends, or anything. Nothing personal."

"But that's what I'm trying to say!" he insisted. "I'm not like that." He came close, so close his face was hovering above yours merely inches away, staring into your eyes with a sort of urgency. An urgency for you to understand him. "I'm not normally like that. That night... I don't know. That night was an exception. I really don't want to give you cliché excuses, but I thought you knew. I thought you felt it, too. I'm not crazy, right? There was something there that you felt, too?"

You gulped again, looking him up and down with fire all over your face. Because you knew instantly what he meant. But it had to take a few moments for it to actually sink in. That it wasn't just you. And that he, too, was unable to keep his hands from you that night. It certainly didn't justify his actions or lessen your disdain for him. But at least it felt a tiny bit good to know that you weren't just a naive little girl who had fallen for the pretty boy's trick, just like dozens of others.

"That still doesn't explain..." you started saying, keeping your opinion openly still the same, yet not denying his words.

"I know it doesn't!" he was quick to say. His eyes traveled all over your face, the tone of his voice having calmed a bit. "It was very douchy of me and I don't expect to be forgiven for it. Which is why I didn't stay with that girl." You jumped slightly when you felt his hands land on your arms. But you didn't pull away. "But I don't understand why you have to be so harsh on me. It's been three years, and this is still obviously bothering you. You haven't let it go even a little bit."

You looked away, taking a step back, but he quickly made up for it. "It doesn't bother me," you said, tongue in cheek.

"Well, it clearly does," he insisted. "When you are cold to me one moment, kissing me the next, and then running away like I hurt you."

"You did hurt me."

The words left your mouth before you could stop them. Before you even knew what you were saying yourself. He hurt you. You had never admitted that before. Always blaming your anger and aversion to him on your morals or whatever. Yet that was the true reason you didn’t want to see him, and you didn’t want to talk to him, and definitely not kiss him again.

Taehyung paused, taking a deep breath. He leaned nearer as he looked down at your lips as whispered. “I know,” he said in a sweet voice as if to reassure you. “I know.” That meant you weren’t crazy. “But why is it still hurting you now?” You tensed up at his question. “Why do you care -about me- so much that this is, to this day, an open wound?”

You scoffed. But you couldn't say anything. You tried pushing him away, and for a moment he let you, but then he was right in front of you again. Even closer, perhaps. “What are you…?” you murmured, looking quite lost. Especially with the close proximity that was driving your mind into a frenzy.

“Do you still like me?” he asked, straightforward.

“No!” you called immediately. But he didn’t seem convinced, raising an eyebrow at you. "I’m not still hurt. I just… I told you. I simply don't want anything to do with someone like you. So it's fine when you keep your distance, but it's not fine when you kiss me. I said I don't want- ."

"Yeah, yeah, you don't want a boyfriend nor a friend like me," he interrupted you to finish your sentence. "Not that I ever offered to be either of those."

Your cheeks flushed and you looked away immediately so as not to get caught. "I- I didn't say I wanted you to."

Taehyung chuckled. The sound almost scared you more than when he was shouting earlier. Because you knew a casual, flirty Taehyung was always more dangerous. "You know, you kissed me!" he reminded you.

Your mouth dropped in a dramatic way. "You seduced me into kissing you!" you complained.

And the boy laughed even harder. "Seduced? Is that your way of saying you couldn't resist me?"

You tried to fight back at his remarks that clearly only served the role of firing you up -whether that was with anger or something else, you weren't sure. And then he had the audacity to wonder why you still didn't like him? But your voice cracked, as you backed until your body hit the kitchen counter and your hands held the edge tight. "Is not!" you managed to get out.

Taehyung’s arms trapped you in that counter, his hands holding onto it on either side of your body until you were caged between them, as he leaned even closer, standing one breath away and staring at you with a smirk on his lips. It was clear then, he wasn’t trying to talk anymore.

“C’mon,” he rasped, a voice so low that it vibrated in frequencies hard to hear. “I know you can’t resist me. You couldn’t do it three years ago and you can’t do it now.”

Your palms hit his chest, trying to push him away from you as you breathed heavily, hearing your own heartbeat in your head and feeling your control slipping through your fingers. But you still couldn’t form any words. Your brain had shut down when it came to that. Just spinning around as Taehyung kept getting closer. What the hell was he trying to do?

"I'm just saying… There is no one here to judge you for it. No one will know you went against your morals," he purred, a hand leaving your side briefly to swipe your hair off your shoulder and caress your neck in the process. The contact made your palms clench into fists, his shirt pooling under your grip. And there were two ways you could go about this; either push or pull him.

“Tae…”

“Go on then,” he said in a teasing tone. “Show me how much you hate me, princess. How you despise me and everything I stand for. Resist me.”

You did hate him. And you hated being proven wrong. So, those two together should result in you pushing him away and going to your room. Right? You should resist that man, it couldn’t be so hard, anyway. So tell me why the way he was looking at you made your knees buck? Why his words filled your stomach with butterflies, his scent numbed your brain like a hallucinogen? Why you couldn’t resist him.

Tell me why you pulled him in by the shirt.

He didn’t hesitate to wrap his lips around yours. Didn’t waste any time to hold you by the waist and press his body on yours. This was the third chance he was given for this and he was about to make it work. And he seemed to have been waiting for it. He already knew what to do, how to hold you, how to kiss you in order to make you moan in his mouth. It was the party scene all over again; as in, you were devouring each other in a sort of urgency, bumping your lips together like you were drunk and had just found the person you were feeling the craziest chemistry with, grinding on each other as if you were trying to merge together.

And maybe he was right; you could never resist him.

Your fingers dipped into his soft locks and he moaned your name. He snaked his arms under your thighs to push you up, letting you sit at the edge of the counter. He immediately filled in the gap between your legs, hands rubbing up and down your back, while you started kissing down his neck, making sure to mark him as if he was yours. He hissed and growled every time you bit him, riding your shirt up to get a feel of your skin underneath. Then finding your hands, intertwining your fingers together, and pushing them past your body, almost like he was trying to confine them away from him. And you hated not being able to touch him, hated how he pushed your body back to have you almost lay on the counter completely, and you couldn’t move. Because you wanted more.

And maybe he was right; no one would ever know about this. So perhaps it wouldn’t be so bad to do this. This mistake. Taehyung.

“Princess, if you plan on regretting this and running away again, you better tell me now,” he rasped while kissing your collarbone. “I might not stop later.”

He was giving you an out. And normally you would have taken it. But at that moment the only thing busying your mind was that implied promise of what was to come.

“You better not,” you mumbled, more to yourself, but heard him chuckle when he heard it, too.

His hands clenched harder around yours before he released you in favor of grabbing your ass and your thighs. He squeezed you close, pulling you until your crotch was rubbing against his clear erection under his pants, and all you could do was whimper. Still kissing his neck, that sweet spot under his ear, biting his lob, and hearing him grunt at the way you were making him feel. Your hands, free now, could run up his toned arms and enjoy his body like you wanted to for a while.

He pulled his head slightly back to look into your eyes. His seemed so unfocused, so dark, like he had gotten high from you. “You want me to make you feel good?” he asked with a smirk. You weren’t sure if he was asking for permission or just building the anticipation.

“Can you?” No, you weren’t making a plea. You were questioning his skills. And he picked it up from your tone immediately.

“Can I?” he snorted, his eyes turning to the ceiling before he let his fingers slowly and very slightly brush your naked belly, moving further down. Your entire body squirmed with the rhythm of his fingertips. “You shiver every time I touch you. So, yeah, I think I can do anything I want to you.”

You immediately punched his chest, pushing him away. “God, I hate you.”

But his smug smirk wouldn’t back down. And he wouldn’t let go of you. “We have already established that,” he murmured, as he lowered his head down- and farther down- until it was right in front of the fly of your pants. And your stomach was sucked in the entire time, your whole body, actually, as if you were trying to take up less space. As if you were trying to pull away from him, even though at the same time you could feel your lower half burning from want, and your lips were already missing his.

But then he looked up at you too, as he was bent down there in front of your crotch, to stare into your eyes through his lashes with a hotshot grin and his tongue between his teeth; and you forgot how to breathe. And then he unbuttoned you with his mouth, biting the zipper and pulling it down slow enough for you to feel every vibration on your body, without ever breaking eye contact; and you thought your soul left your body.

He was back at his normal height, pushing your pants down while licking his lips and examining your face. “Alright, princess,” he spoke in a low tone. “I will give you my best, on one condition.” The pants were completely off and he was working on your unimpressive underwear next. “Every time I do make you feel good, you have to say my name.”

He had gotten you all naked from your waist down, yet he still hadn’t even glanced there; kept his eyes stubbornly on yours. But when you tried to press your legs together, feeling shy and exposed, he was holding them tight. “That’s your condition?” you wondered, not seeming too hard to do. You were probably going to do it anyway.

He leaned down, keeping his lips close enough to rub on yours when he spoke. “Yes. Every time. I want you to keep reminding yourself who it is that is making you feel this way.” When he kissed you, it worked almost as a distraction to how one hand crept in between your thighs and pressed around your folds, yet avoiding the place you needed him to touch.

His lips moved at the same rhythm as his fingers, his tongue slipping in your mouth right as he finally moved them closer, getting them all dirty with your wetness. Index and middle finger rubbing up and down, brushing against your clit and over your opening but never giving into either. You hummed in frustration as you bit down on his bottom lip, your hips trying to move forward, trying to get more.

“What did I tell you?” he whispered, increasing his pressure on your clit just for a moment, a moment long enough to make you gasp with your mouth open over his.

“Tae…” you breathed.

“Say it,” he insisted.

“Taehyung,” you moaned, closing your eyes as he started moving his fingers in circles over the sensitive bud like a reward.

“You’re so wet, already,” he observed, something quite obvious from the sounds the simple movement was creating. “Is that all for me?” He pulled his head back to watch your reaction better, smiling when he saw you nodding. “Good girl,” he purred, rewarding you yet again with sliding one finger easily inside.

"Oh,” you moaned, your body immediately arching towards his. You still needed more. The better it all felt, the more you wanted from him.

The photographer inhaled sharply through his teeth, stilling his actions. “Amy, what did we say?”

“Taehyung,” you immediately obeyed. And you didn’t need to be told twice. “Taehyung,” you moaned, again and again, as he worked his magic into you. As he kissed you in that way no one had ever been able to replicate. “Taehyung,” as he pushed a second finger in to stretch you out. “Taehyung,” as he found your g-spot and massaged it softly as if he was working with something fragile. “Taehyung, Taehyung,” as he made you come, once, twice, thrice. With his fingers inside you, on your clit, his mouth french-kissing your pussy, his tongue dipping in and out as he lapped at your juices.

All while you had to make yourself think of who exactly was fucking you like that. Who was making your legs shake, your head spin, your sight and hearing unclear. Whose hair you were pulling, whose teeth you had marks of on your thighs, whose name you were screaming.

Kim Taehyung.

Next Chapter

#kim taehyung #taehyung fanfic #bts #bangtan #v #fanfiction #multichapter #enemies to lover #taehyung x reade #taehyung x oc #slow burn #smut #angst #bts x reader #taehyung photographer au #victorian manor #serva me servabo te #save me and i will save you #chapter 5

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moghedien · 5 years ago

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Love Me, Love Me - An Overly Obsessive Analysis of All You Wanna Do

Here it is. I’m finally writing a far too long and overly analytic essay that no body asked for (well one person did) about All You Wanna Do from Six the Musical. More realistically, I’m going to discussing Katherine Howard throughout the musical and specifically how she manipulates the audience throughout the show to make All You Wanna Do all the more effective. I use the word manipulate and will probably do so again, which has a negative connotation, but I don’t mean it in a negative way. It’s just the most effective word to use. I should also note that I’ve never seen Six…live. I may have happened upon some less than legal video, and all of the knowledge I’ll be pulling from beyond the cast recording and some audios will be from that. I know it was an earlier show and that there have been some changes since then, and I don’t have any way of knowing what those changes are so please bear with me if some details aren’t completely correct or still accurate. I do have every intention to see a production of Six eventually, but I live in the very, very Deep American South, so getting to a city where its playing is gonna take some time. Also, due to the nature of this song, I’m putting a heavy content warning for sexual assault, child grooming, pedophilia, etc. If you’ve listened to the song, you know what its about, so you know I’m going to be discussing all that.

Now that the preliminary disclaimers are out of the way, let’s begin.

From the beginning of the show, Katherine Howard is trying to win the audience over more than any other Queen. They’re trying in various ways, yes, but Howard is the one putting the most work in beyond just trying to make herself look better or justify herself to them. From her introduction in Ex-Wives she’s doing this. She interrupts Cleves’s dick joke with “Prick up your ears,” turning Cleves’s joke that probably would have landed somewhat, and making it her joke that definitely lands with the audience. After Ex-Wives, she looks directly at the audience when she delivers the line “The Thomas Cromwell Amongst the Royal Ministers, between 1532 and 1540” which is a line that only works because it goes on too long and is weirdly detailed and specific enough to be funny. She looks and points at people in the front row when she says “between 1532 and 1540” as an acknowledgement that she’s breaking from her stage persona for a moment to give them this line, and that sells it to the crowd. They know that she’s purposely being overly detailed and they’re with her. It’s not expected, especially not from her, and so its funny. The entire goal of K Howard throughout this show is the make sure that the audience stays with her and to use what people expect from her to her own advantage and, at some points, against them.

Really, that’s the goal of all the Queens to win over the audience, but the rest approach it differently. Aragon tries to convince the audience that she’s right and therefore deserves to win the competition. Boleyn tries to make her whole situation out to be ridiculous (including the fact that she got beheaded). Both of them heavily fall into basically going “can you believe what Henry did?” And I mean, neither of them is wrong. Seymour tries to pull on heartstrings and play into love and loss. Cleves…is interesting. Cleves is basically just there to prove that she’s above Henry and his nonsense. Parr I’m not really going to touch on, because her song is more a reaction to everyone else and the scene that happens after Howard gets “real” with her song. The other queens will occasionally interject to try to further win people over to their side, but they do so using the same point they were making in their song. They aren’t subtle about it, though they try to be. To the audience, though, its always clear what they’re doing, and for the most part that’s the joke. The one who actually is subtle about it, though, is Howard.

Being the fifth wife, Howard goes second to last. She knows this, and knows she can’t dump her trauma on the audience before her song, so what does she do make her case throughout the show, before she gets her shot in the spotlight? She makes sure the audience is on her side already by the time it gets to her. She steals Cleves’s punchline. She makes winky jokes with the audience and acknowledges that she’s doing so. She’s overall charming and she never once tries to convince them to be on her side in the competition, or at least never makes it seem like that’s what she’s doing. She just wants them to laugh at her jokes and like her, but that has nothing to do with the competition, surely? Well, considering she uses these exact same methods in her song, you can assume that this is an intentional manipulation. Again, I don’t mean manipulation maliciously, but she’s definitely making the audience want to like her before she even begins her story. But that’s for more reason than just winning the competition.

When it does get to her turn, the other queens try to again interject with their own points (the same points they’ve already made) and belittle her. It’s actually somewhat interesting because you can see Howard trying to speak up before Parr tells them it’s her turn, but she seems kind of meek in the background as the other queens bicker amongst themselves. Even after Parr has to kind of push her forward because its her turn, she looks intimidated. She seems to be trying to make herself small, and she’s holding onto the microphone like it’s a security blanket. She actually looks nervous, and she’s right in the middle of the stage, so all of the audience sees her being frightened and will probably feel for her in that moment. She looks like someone who needs help.

Then she begins roasting the other queens like chestnuts upon an open fire. It begins with their “Good luck trying to compete with us” to which she responds “You’re right, I mean your lives all sounded terrible, and your songs…” and then she shrinks back into her meek, awkward pose a moment before adding “…do a lot to convey that.” She’s using the sympathy she gained with the audience to pull off that joke, because they see that she’s being bashful but then she just pulls off this burn in the middle of that bashfullness. So they feel sympathy for K Howard, who’s already been charming throughout the show, who’s being shy now, but still manages to be funny. So the audience is with her already. Then she goes to the queens one by one and points out holes in their claims to having the Worst Time, but she does it in a humorous way. She does it in a way that makes the audience feels like it’s for them. She even looks at the audience when she gets to Parr, making a “can you believe her?” expression at them instead of actually addressing Parr. Howard is with the audience and the audience is with Howard. Its never been more true than in this moment.

When she gets to Cleves, she doesn’t insult Cleves in any way and instead decides to use the moment brag about herself. Not in a way that has anything to do with Henry or the competition. “Being rejected for your looks legit sounds terrible. I wouldn’t know anything about that.” And its not Cleves she’s addressing at this point, because again, she’s speaking to the audience when she says “Look at me, I’m really fit,” and in the version I saw, there are lots of cheers at this. People were whistling at her. People not only agree with everything she’s saying now, but they love her.

And then we get to her song. She drops her song like its her mic drop saying she has no idea how she’s going to compete with other queens. “Oh wait, like this” and the lights drop and the music starts and it’s a big seamless conclusion to the roast. Only its not the conclusion, you’re only just beginning, and haven’t even begun to realize what Howard is doing to manipulate you to make her point.

So Howard uses the audience in a way that others don’t do in their songs. In Aragon and Seymour’s songs, they act as though Henry is their audience. Boleyn and Cleves acknowledge the actual audience more, but its still as part of the song. Certain moments will be sung to specific audience members, but its only moments and again, its sung. It’s part of the song. Howard, on the other hand, doesn’t sing all of her story. A lot it’s a conversation with the audience; she’s telling them a story, and she’ll stop her song occasionally to continue the conversation. Bear with me, because I’ll be going line by line now.

She opens by speaking to the audience:

“I think we can all agree

I'm the ten amongst these threes”

And that’s both bold and presumptive, but by this point, she’s won over the audience. They do agree with her. They like her. They think she’s funny. They think she’s hot. And these lines aren’t only meant to boost her, but it gets the audience to belittle the other queens by agreeing with her. It’s also one last reminder that she’s on their side and they’re on hers. One last reminder that they can trust where she’s going to take them, and she trusts them.

And ever since I was a child

I'd make the boys go wild

Take my first music teacher

Henry Manox

I was young, it's true

But even then I knew

The only thing you wanna do is...

She starts out speaking these lines, then begins singing them as she goes on. Note the last three lines in particular. She’s going to mention her age again in a moment, but before she even gets to the exacts of that, she’s telling you that “even then she knew.” So she’s making it clear right off the bat that she at least wants us to think she knows what people want from her. Also note she’s not saying “the only thing men want” or “the only think Henry Manox wanted.” She’s using you. I’m going to go more on that later, but her switch between third and second person pronouns is interesting. Also she doesn’t ever finish the sentence of what it is “you” wants to do. You’re forced to fill in the blanks by the kiss and breath she gives instead of the completion of the sentence. Again, more on that in a moment.

Broad, dark, sexy Mannox

Taught me all about dynamics

He was twenty three

And I was thirteen going on thirty

This is the first real indication that something’s off. This is also the first place that a lot of people will stop and think “wait what did she just say?” I remember the first time I listened to the song, I definitely noted the ages and I definitely was disgusted. In the live versions I’ve heard, Howard’s voice will fall a little when she says “I was 13” but she’ll immediately pick up again and add “going on 30” like it’s a joke that she’s telling everyone. Sometimes people laugh at it. Sometimes they don’t. When they do, it’s either that they don’t take in what she’s saying or it’s an awkward, uncomfortable reaction. A “oh ok that was a joke then?” It makes people uncomfortable, especially since she begins the verse by describing Manox as “Broad, dark, sexy.” She’s making him sound appealing, suggests that she finds him appealing right before dropping the fact that she was 13 and he was 23. That’s information she can’t drop and have it be ok without either breezing past it and hoping you don’t notice, or making light of it and trying to say it was ok. Howard does both of these, which makes it so that she doesn’t really accomplish either effectively. It sounds wrong. You, the audience, notice it, but you still go past it and keep watching/listening to the rest of her song.

We'd spend hours strumming the lute

Striking the chords and blowing the flute

He plucked my strings all the way to G

Went from major to minor, C to D

This happens immediately after the age reveal, in the same verse. Howard just blows past the age thing and starts to make it clear the relationship was sexual. She tries to convince the audience that she was on board. She puts herself in an active role saying “We’d spend hours” but then two lines later puts only him in the active role. A subtle thing, but it’s as if she can't keep up the claim that they were both active, willing participants in this. Her tone is still suggesting that everything is fine, that she’s on board and being taken care of in some way. Look, she’s so much more excited and outgoing than she was earlier when she was standing meekly in the middle of the stage, so she’s probably ok.

Tell me what you need

What you want, you don't need to plead

She changes who’s she’s addressing here. She’s no longer talking to the audience, or at least makes it seem like she isn’t at first glance. She’s talking to Manox, and frames it as if she’s trying to reassure him. “You don’t need to plead” suggests that he is pleading, which is a weird way to frame a 23 year old man trying to pressure a 13 year old girl to have sex with him. But this is coming from the point of view is of the 13 year old girl, who’s already been trying to put herself in an active role in this. But note that she’s never actually saying “this is something I want,” and instead saying “this is something he needs.” She’s not framing herself as “needing” anything, but instead trying to make herself understanding to his supposed needs. She makes it seem like she’s doing something for him, again putting herself in an active role. Making it seem like this was something she decided to do.

'Cause I feel the chemistry

Like I get you and you get me

And now she’s explaining why she’s “deciding” to do this. She feels a chemistry with Manox. He gets her. You get her, because she’s still using second person when referring to Manox. Manox still isn’t he anymore. Manox is you. And isn’t it interesting that she’s putting you (the audience) in Manox’s role when she’s been addressing you and building up a rapport with you (the audience) for the entire show? She gets the audience and the audience gets her, right?

And maybe this is it

He just cares so much it feels legit

She switches back to third person now, removing any suggestion that she might be referring to anyone but Manox. Because now she’s trying to justify this. To herself. To you the audience. It’s ok if she “lets” him do this because he might be The One, right? He seems to care for her, so wouldn’t this be caring for him? Didn’t she already say that she understands that he needs this? If she’s letting him, then it’s not bad...right?

We have a connection

I think this guy is different

Ah, the first “connection.” This is the part in the song where Howard gets touched for the first time. It’s not too much. Parr and Seymour stand in either side of her, facing away from the audience, and they put their hands in her shoulders. You might not even realize that they’re doing it at first. Howard doesn’t seem bothered by it, and doesn’t acknowledge it. She looks at the audience while two people put hands on her and she sings that “this guy is different.” And the audience watches still, witnessing all that’s happening. The two people touching her are looking away from you, clearly not wanting to be seen, but still clearly doing it.

'Cause all you wanna do

All you wanna do baby

Is touch me, love me, can't get enough, see

All you wanna do

All you wanna do baby

Is please me squeeze me birds and the bees me

The first chorus, and I should note the music at this point is very pop-y. It’s upbeat. It’s happy and gives you no reason to think anything’s off at this point.

So for the chorus, Howard switches back to second person. All YOU wanna do is touch her. All YOU wanna do is love her. It’s obvious that the “you” here is Manox, but the frequent switches from “you” to “he” is disorienting, especially since she goes on to address the audience directly immediately after the chorus. So it’s not so much that she’s addressing You the Audience instead of Manox, and what she’s actually doing is making Manox a part of You the Audience. She’s focusing on him for now, but don’t these claims also apply to the audience? They cheered and whistled she said she was really fit. They laughed and agreed when she said she was a ten. They’ve been on her side every time she made a claim like that. So while You the Audience may not be Manox, Manox is among you, and you have some things in common with him. That combined with the plucky, pop music doesn’t seem bad right now. The audience doesn’t even notice the 23 year old man in their midst that is forcing sex on a 13 year old, especially since the 13 doesn’t seem to be suffering or anything. Look at her, she’s fine and she’s encouraging it, isn’t she? She seems happy. You’ve seen what it looks like when she’s afraid. And let’s be clear “birds and the bees me” leaves no illusion as to exactly what’s going on. She’s telling you what’s going on, so there’s no way to deny that or suggest otherwise. You know what’s happening.

Run your fingers through my hair

Tell me I'm the fairest of the fair

Playtime's over

The only thing you wanna do is...

Last part of the chorus, and I wanted to separate it to point out the language. The language isn’t inherently aggressive or violent here. “Run your fingers through my hair” that’s almost nothing. We know what’s going on because the lines above tell us it IS sexual, but this is rather tame for the most part. The accompanying music is rather tame too, and still perky. The “fairest of the fair” allusion adds fairy tale language and the next line “playtimes over” here work together to reinforce the impression that she’s 13 here. She’s a kid who thinks that this man might be Prince Charming. She tells herself it’s romantic, it’s a fairy tale. But then playtime is over. The line repeats through each chorus but here it has two meanings: Manox is done with her, and childhood is done. She may not even realize the latter yet. She may not even realize that this man hurt her, but this man who “felt legit” and might have been “it” is clearly done with her. The only thing he/you wanted was to....

She never actually directly says sex, but she makes every possible reference she can to make it clear that sex occurred. But she can never finish the line “the only thing you wanna do is...” She can never bring herself to claim it. Instead she just blows a kiss and makes you figure out the rest. The only thing you/Manox wanted was sex, and when he got it he was done. You know that. She knows it but can’t completely acknowledge it and make it real. It’s obvious though, and the audience is still watching this happen.

So for the next lines, I’m going to use the spoken dialogue from the show rather than the cast recording because I think it provides better context.

[Spoken]

So then there was another guy, Francis. And at the time I was living at my step-grandma’s house and he was working for her. Working so, so hard. So he asked me to be his little piece of ass...sistant.

So Howard speaks these lines rather than sing them. As I mentioned already, she’s the only queen who really stops her song multiple times to turn to the audience and talk to them. But she isn’t only acknowledging them, she’s giving them a story. She’s providing context. She’s being friendly with them. Yes, she’s the one performing on stage, but she knows that the audience is there and she knows what they want, and she’s so willing to please. To give people the entertainment and the story they want. It’s like she wants to make sure that the audience really understands.

So to get to what Howard actually says here, she just breezes past Manox and moves onto the next guy. She doesn’t let herself dwell on Manox any longer and quickly rushes forward and onto Francis. The context for Francis, like Manox, is unsettling. She’s living with her step-grandmother and her grandmother’s adult secretary turns his attention on her and gets her to “help” him. However, like with Manox, she makes a joke about it. She acknowledges that he wants her around so that he can objectify and sexualize her. She uses that fact as a punchline, and people do laugh at the line. Even when she’s clearly saying “he employed me because he wanted to have sex with me” the audience laughs, because her joke was funny, she seems to be fine, and she has a happy tone as she’s saying all of this. Manox didn’t turn out that bad, did he? She still seems happy, doesn’t she? The audience is still watching, aren’t they?

Serious, stern and slow

Get's what he wants and he won't take no

Passion in all that he touches

The sexy secretary to the Dowager Duchess

A few things here. Howard’s tone is still meant to make it seem like she was into this, like these are attractive attributes of Francis, but literally the only positive words here are “passion” and “sexy.” She’s literally telling you that he doesn’t take no for an answer. She’s also pointing out again the Dowager Duchess, her step grandmother. The woman who was supposed to be in charge of keeping an eye on her, but didn’t. The woman who definitely could have given Francis the boot or made sure, at the very least, that he didn’t make Howard his “piece of ass…sistant.” It’s not something that happened once and no one could have known about it. Howard mentions the woman twice, pointing out her prominence here. A woman who probably saw what was going on and did nothing, or who decided not to actually see what was going on and still did nothing. Who else is seeing what’s going on right now and doing nothing?

Helped him in his office, had a duty to fulfil

He even let me use his favourite quill

spilled ink all over the parchment

my wrist was so tired

Still I came back the next day

as he required

So Howard is again making it perfectly clear what’s going on without actually having to say it. If you didn’t get it at “his favorite quill” and “spilled ink all over the parchment,” you probably get it when she says “my wrist was so tired” which she speaks instead of sings and delivers it as if it’s a joke line. But then the next lines are “Still I came back the next day/as he required.” Her use of the word “still” really makes it clear how much agency she had in the situation, though at this point she’s still mostly trying to claim an active role in everything. What she’s saying here is “he made me do this and I did, but look, I still came back the next day.” You don’t say “still I came back” when you’re in a pleasant situation. The illusion she’s trying to create is starting to slip some. She’s starting to have trouble painting all of this out as something she enjoyed and chose.

You say I'm what you need

All you want you don't need to plead

'Cause I feel the chemistry

Like I get you and you get me

This bit of the pre-chorus is nearly identical to what she says about Manox, and again she slips into second person. Instead of her asking you/Francis what you need like she did with Manox, though, you/Francis are telling her. She’s not acting, but being acted upon. Still, she has to reassure that you/Francis don’t need to plead because obviously you have chemistry. And you/Francis get her. So, the “you” now consist of Manox, Francis, and the audience. Those two men are among the people watching this whole thing go down.

And I know this is it

He just cares so much this one's legit

We have a real connection

I'm sure this time is different

So the language here is notably different than it was with Manox. First I want to point out that this is the first indication from Howard herself that something with Manox was wrong. She’s “sure this time is different” meaning that she’s trying to convince herself that this time won’t be like last time. But she seemed so happy and into what happened last time? I mean, anyone with enough common sense to know that a 23 year old man should not be with a 13 year old would know that something was wrong, but Howard gave no indication herself that anything was wrong. Up until right now, retrospectively. And again, at the word connection, two of the queens touch her shoulders, grabbing her while they face away from the audience, wanting to remain anonymous while doing it.

What she is doing is trying to convince herself that this time, its ok. Whereas before she thinks they have a connection, now she knows. She doesn’t think this guy is different, she’s sure this time is different. Francis doesn’t just feel legit, he is legit. She’s telling both the audience and herself, “last time was bad but this time is real and fine!” And yet, we continue.

'Cause all you wanna do

All you wanna do baby

Is touch me love me can't get enough see

All you wanna do

All you wanna do baby

Is please me, squeeze me, birds and the bees me

You can't wait a second more

To get my corset on the floor

Playtime's over

The only thing you wanna do is...

The only lines in the chorus that aren’t identical to the first are “You can’t wait a second more/to get my corset on the floor” replacing the lines about telling her she’s the fairest of the fair. So the line that alludes to fairy tales gets replaced with a line about her getting naked. Meaning that the previous line that suggests her youth and wasn’t inherently sexual is replaced with a line that directly sexualizes her. She’s not that much older here than she was when the Manox incident occurred, but ever since the incident with Manox occurred, playtime has been over. The repetition of that reminds you of that, and again, suggests that Francis is done with her once he gets what he wants.

[Spoken]

So yeah, that didn’t work out. Turns out some guys just employ women to get them into their private chambers. Different time back then. So I decided to take a break from boys. Focus on my career, and my dad got me this amazing work placement in court and you’ll never guess who I met.

This time Howard does acknowledge that “that didn’t work out.” She acknowledges directly that her impressions about Francis were wrong. She was sure about him. She phrased everything in absolutes, not hypotheticals, and it still “didn’t work out.” But Howard is still working the audience here. She’s glib, makes it sound like a joke. Then drops the line “Turns out some guys just employ women to get them into their private chambers. Different time back then.” That may be the most important line here. It’s a joke, but one that we get because we know its ironic and not accurate. We know now more than ever that men still hire women to “get them into their private chambers.” We know that in this instance, times aren’t different. This still happens, and its something that has been ignored and not talked about until very recently. Howard knows that we know this. She knows that “different times back then” will land, and she uses that line and that knowledge to connect what has happened and will continue to happen to her to those abuses we know about now. We know those things happen, and they happened to Howard back then too, and we’re still just watching it happen to her.

So this is where the song also really starts to shift. She says that she’s taking a break from boys and focusing on her career. She gets a good job. She stops sexualizing the situation and trying to justify what’s going to happen before hand. She’s starting to realize what she actually wants, and that’s to have a good job at court. She’s making career choices, not marital choices. She is now making the decision herself that she doesn’t want men or a relationship, but a job.

Tall, large, Henry the Eighth

Supreme head of the Church of England

Globally revered

Although you wouldn't know it from the look of that beard

How she introduces Henry is already different. She attempted to sexualize the prior two men and make them sound appealing. In most audios I heard, Howard pauses between “large” and “Henry the Eight,” as if she’s trying to come up with some more appealing way to describe him but she can’t. The best descriptions she has is “he’s big and the head of a religion. Some people like him and his beard is funny.” Very sexy description. It’s like she can’t even make herself sexualize him. With the others she could at least tell herself that they were attractive so she must be interested in them. Not with Henry.

Made me a lady in waiting

Hurled me and my family up in the world

Gave me duties in court and he swears it's true

That without me he doesn't know what he'd do

Still, Howard is doing nothing to attempt to sexualize Henry. She’s not even suggesting that their relationship was sexual or romantic, whereas before she was explicit about the sexual natures of her relationships. She’s talking about a job. He gave her a job. He elevated her family by giving her a high placement in court, and clearly its because she deserves it, as he says he doesn’t know what he’d do without her. She’s doing nothing to build to the marriage that we know is coming. She’s doing nothing to romanticize this. She’s here to have a career. She wants to do her job, and she’s proud that she seems to be doing such good work and making Henry (her boss in this situation) pleased with her work.

You say I'm what you need

All you want we both agree

This is the place for me

I'm finally where I'm meant to be

These lines are, to me, maybe the saddest in the entire song. Worse than the chorus about Thomas Culpepper even. Howard has done nothing up until this point to suggest that she and Henry’s relationship is sexual or would become sexual. She’s been talking about her job in court. These lines, unlike with the previous two men, don’t read as if she’s trying to agree to their sexual advances. They read as if she’s meeting with her boss. They read as if she’s interviewing for a job or a promotion. She’s what he needs in court. They both agree that court is the place for her. And she’s finally realized that this, the work she does in court, is what she wants. Not a relationship with a man. She doesn’t even seem to comprehend that Henry could go after her. As she said earlier, she’s focusing on her career. Then Henry comes to her with this and she thinks they’re on the same page. But they’re definitely not talking about the same things.

And once again, she’s making Henry a part of you. He’s in the audience with the other two. You, the audience, came here knowing what would happen. Howard is only here because Henry did go after her and married her. You know this. You know where he’s going with this. And you’re watching her not realize what’s happening until she accidentally agrees to this and gets into the situation. You’re still watching. You’re still with Manox and Francis and now, you’re with Henry.

Then he starts saying all this stuff

He cares so much he calls me love

Now Howard is realizing that Henry wasn’t talking about her career. He was saying that he needs to be with her. And for the first time, we get no indication about exactly what’s going on except “he starts saying all this stuff.” But he does seem to care, doesn’t he? He calls her love, doesn’t he? That’s not nothing, right? That has to mean something. She legitimately struggles with this, because two of the queens try to touch her shoulders again, and she swats them away. She can’t even make it seem like she’s interested. The “he cares so much” is a half hearted attempt to comfort herself.

He says we have this connection

I guess it's not so different

At this connection, two of the other queens grab her shoulders like they did before, but another comes from behind and puts an arm around her waist. She doesn’t see it happen and she can’t do anything to break away because she’s literally being held. But this time she isn’t the one saying they have a connection. He is saying they have a connection. She doesn’t seem to agree, and she has to tell herself that this relationship isn’t so different from the previous ones, and also that this outcome isn’t so different from what she wanted. Isn’t being queen like a promotion? But she literally has to use the two times she previously taken advantage of by older men to comfort her in this situation. It’s not so different from those times. This time it’s just your boss who is also your king, the head of your religion, physically imposing and by all accounts repulsive and sickly, about 33 years older than you, has a daughter that’s older than you, and also beheaded one of his previous wives who happens to be your first cousin. It’s not THAT different.

'Cause all you wanna do

All you wanna do baby

Is touch me, love me, can't get enough see

All you wanna do

All you wanna do baby

Is seize me, squeeze me, birds and the bees me

There's no time for when or how 'cause you

Just got to have me now

Playtime's over

The only thing you wanna do is...

Before I even get into the language here, I’m want to talk about the choreography of this verse. Howard all but stops dancing. She’s pretty much just standing there, occasionally shifting or making a hand gesture, but she’s not dancing. She looks like someone who is trying to look like they’re dancing but failing terribly at it. She just looks so defeated. Before she could go along with it, or at least seem like she’s going along with it, but now she’s just standing there. And all around her the queens are still dancing, and their movements seem more violent juxtaposed against how little she’s doing here. They’re moving around her, touching her or almost-touching her, and she’s just letting it happen. Does nothing to protest it or join in with it.

The language in the chorus is getting more and more violent. “You” no longer want to please her. Now its “All you want do baby/is seize me.” Unlike with the last two men, Howard didn’t know what Henry was after from the beginning. She was on a different page with him until she had gotten into the situation, so even though the other two men had also been predatory, even though they had taken advantage of her and lied and manipulated her, the situation with Henry is much more violent because it’s not expected. She doesn’t have time to mentally prepare herself or try to convince herself that she has a choice in it. “There’s not time for when or how cause you just got to have me now” shows how suddenly this all was to her. And with Henry, she has the added complication of him being Henry. He’s not only forcing this, but she’s now the queen. Please remember that Katherine Howard was most likely either 16 or 17 when she became queen. Right here we’re talking about someone who wouldn’t even be out of high school yet and a 49 year old man who’s already had four wives.

[Spoken]

So we got married

Wooh...

Before, Howard can monologue a little bit between each chorus and verse, usually saying something that is supposed to make the audience laugh. After the chorus about Henry, though, this is all you get. She sounds so defeated/distraught and even chocked up when she says “So we got married,” and in some versions will sound like she’s trying to come up with more to say, but ends up just going “Woooh..” in a really unhappy way in attempts to make the audience laugh. A lot of people do laugh, because they’re supposed to. It’s a joke. It’s a joke being delivered by a teenager who just recounted one of the most horrifying experiences a young girl/woman in a job can experience, and afterward just married her boss who put her through it because she didn’t really have a choice. Wooooh. And you’re still watching this all go down, even now that you can see that she’s clearly uncomfortable because she can no longer pretend otherwise.

With Henry it isn't easy

His temper's short and his mates are sleazy

Except for this one courtier

He's a really nice guy, just so sincere

So Howard does absolutely nothing to introduce Thomas before this moment. She doesn’t even say his name yet, and she never says his last name. Manox, Francis, and Henry all got introduced or hinted at before their respective parts of the song. With Thomas, she opens up with countering him against Henry and his sleazy mates. She’s making it clear she can’t even pretend to have a good relationship or good opinions of Henry. She’s queen and the only thing good she has is that one of Henry’s friends is nice to her and not a complete sleaze. Remember that prior to this, when she was describing court, she was so happy. She said that she belonged there, that she was happy and she liked it. She’s still in the same place and technically she’s higher in rank, and its miserable. Miserable to the point that even with what’s about to happen, her voice lifts slightly when she says Thomas is “just so sincere,” as if it’s a relief to her. As if it’s a pleasant memory, and not the thing that will soon end with her being taken advantage of once again and then beheaded for her “crimes.”

The royal life isn't what I planned

But Thomas is there to lend a helping hand

So sweet, makes sure that I'm okay

And we hang out loads when the king's away

So Howard went from being excited for her job in court, to being thrust in an extremely powerful and heavily scrutinized role with little to no help. Except Thomas, who to her, seems to be genuine. Why wouldn’t he want to help her? She’s his queen, and the wife of one of his friends. And now she’s married, so there’s nothing that could come of their relationship anyway. Howard now might be the safest she’s ever been from men (other than Henry) because not only is she married, she’s married to the king. That should de-sexualize her entirely, right? So Thomas’s help must be genuine and his friendship must be genuine. Howard has no reason to worry about his motives.

This guy finally

Is what I want, the friend I need

Just mates, no chemistry

I get him and he gets me

Howard doesn’t switch to second person here, like she usually does. She doesn’t make Thomas a part of that “you” that consists of Manox, Francis, Henry, and the audience. Because she has no reason to. Because he’s just a friend. And she realizes that’s what she’s needed this entire time: a friend. Someone that will make sure she’s ok. Only now, after all that’s been through in her short life, does she realize that’s all she’s ever wanted or needed. Someone who can just help her and spend time with her without sexualizing her or having any kind of ulterior motive. She can pretend to have chemistry with the other men, but Thomas is and will always be her friend. Someone who gets that she just needs a friend.

And there's nothing more to it

He just cares so much he's devoted

She feels so compelled to insist that there’s nothing beyond platonic friendship here. In some versions she sounds almost frantic to point out that there’s nothing more to it. He cares about her. He’s devoted to his queen. So that means that there’s no possible way he could want more. Men who care about her don’t want or expect more from her. She’s pacing the stage, pointing at people in the audience. At “And there’s nothing more to it,” Parr and Seymour put hands on her shoulder and she quickly shrugs them off without acknowledging it. She can’t acknowledge it, because she finally has a friend. He can’t want anything else from her. He can’t.

He says we have a connection

At this point the music stops. The other queens surround her and grab her arms, her legs, her shoulders, her chest. She’s just frozen in the web of hands touching her from every direction. She just freezes for several seconds, doing nothing to fight the hands on her. Because she’s at the most secure and powerful she’s ever been and could ever be, and it’s not enough.

I thought this time was different

Why did I think he'd be different?

But it's never, ever different

The hands stay on her through most of this, and she mostly just stands there. Her voice goes from shock/disappointment in “I thought this time was different” to self-deprecating at “Why did I think he’d be different?” to fury at “But it’s never, ever different” to the point where she pretty much screams the last word. It’s not that she’s only just realizing now what’s been happening to her. She’s known. She’s known this entire time. She begins the song by telling the audience that “I was young, its true, but even then I knew.” It’s that now, she can’t lie to herself about any of it anymore. Because even if she knew that Thomas wanted sex from her, she also knew that he couldn’t do anything, because she’s the queen. If he tried anything, he’d be dead. He can’t touch her, so she can say that he’s just her friend and shrug off the moments where he suggests otherwise like she shrugs off Parr and Seymour’s hands initially.

But now, apparently even that doesn’t protect her. Even being married to one of the most powerful men in the world, a man who has already beheaded men for supposedly sleeping with his wife, isn’t enough to protect her from every single man that wants to put his hands on her and assault her and abuse her. They’re going to do it no matter what, because its never different. Not even for the queen.

'Cause all you wanna do

All you wanna do baby

Is touch me, when will enough be enough?

See

All you wanna do

All you wanna do baby

Squeeze me, don't care if you don't please me

Bite my lip and pull my hair

As you tell me I'm the fairest of the fair

Playtime's over

The only thing

The only thing you wanna do is...

I’m just going to cover all of this at once. Howard is still stuck in the same spot. Her voice is some combination of screaming, crying, and singing, and she’s constantly being grabbed by the queens and either trying to push them off of her or waiting for them to let go. She goes back to the pronoun “you,” finally putting Thomas among all those other men and the audience, and she’s screaming. She’s furious, she’s finally accepted that she can’t accept this, that “you” don’t want to love her, just touch her constantly. You just want to squeeze her and pull her hair and hurt her to please yourself, and you don’t care how she feels about it. You’ll say kind things to her while you’re hurting her, as if that’s supposed to make it better. It just makes you feel better.

Then she’s on the ground, and all the queens are facing her, surrounding her and gradually stepping closer and closer as they sing “Playtime’s over” at her. Because its over, and its not just that she’ll be tossed aside again. Everything is over now, because of what men have done to her. Her life is over, as she literally is going to be beheaded because of everything that happened to her. Katherine Howard was either 18 or 19 years old when she was beheaded because men have been sexually assaulting her for years, and it was only acknowledged when they decided to condemn her to death for it.

After every version of this song that I’ve seen and listened to, there is a moment of shocked silence from the audience before they’ll start applauding. They’re startled by this turn in the song. They don’t expect Howard to start screaming at them or to start crying or to have this strong of an emotional reaction. Yet, they’ve been watching the whole time. They’ve been seeing everything that’s happened to her and listening to everything she’s said. And they have been listening and seeing because they’ve been laughing at her jokes and responding to her comments. The audience, or you, laughed at her jokes when she was making light of her sexual assaults. She has been making sure for the entire show that you were paying attention to her. You knew what was happening. And you just kept watching, shocked when at the end it got that dramatic.

If you were wondering why Howard makes the audience a part of the collective “you” that includes Manox, Francis, Henry, and Thomas, this is why. Because they may not have been doing the acts these men did, but they just sat there and watched as it happened, pretending--like Howard--that this it could have been consensual acts and that those jokes were funny. If those who knew from the beginning that it wasn’t ok just watched and did nothing to get in the way or help, they may not be these men, but they allowed the men to abuse her.

Howard does everything she can to endear herself to the audience and make herself noticed throughout the entire show, in preparation for her song. And by the time it gets to her song, they love her. They’re listening to her and interacting with her and noticing her, seeing everything she’s doing. And they still don’t stop what happens to her. So even if they don’t actually want to assault and hurt her, they might as well because it’s happening, they know it’s happening, and they did nothing.

Now am I saying that the audience is actually, literally complicit in this. No, obviously not; this is a musical. But the audience is a stand in more or less for everyone else that had to have seen what was going on and did nothing to prevent it from getting to the point where Howard’s head was on the chopping block. But the audience is meant to feel complicit because there were people complicit in letting these men abuse her, just like there are people complicit in letting abusers and rapists get away with it to this day. Her step grandmother did nothing to watch her when around Francis. Her family did nothing to watch her when around Manox and they placed her in the position where Henry would take notice of her. People laughed at Howard’s “different times back then” joke because they know that this still happens today, and she knows that they know. So, what are people doing when they see it going on? Just pretending not to notice? Still? Howard, like so many others, is a victim of not just the men who assaulted her, but the societal structures that think its better to let one girl be hurt and killed than it is to upset the power structure or punish the powerful, important men who abuse that girl.

Katherine Howard was a young girl. In Six, she just wants people to love her, and loving her is not sexual. In Megasix, she changes the lyrics so that its:

All you wanna do

All you wanna do, baby's

Sing along to your favourite queen's song

All you wanna do

All you wanna do, baby

Love me, love me

She wants to be your favorite queen, and she wants you to love her. The part where she’s trying to endear herself to the audience has never been a lie. She wants to win the audience over. Because if there’s one thing Katherine Howard has never had, it’s an adoring crowd that will listen and support her and sing along with her and just love her without wanting anything else. She’s done sexualizing herself in an attempt to make her point or to win people over, now she’s just telling you to love her, because she realized that all she ever needed was friends. So, love her, take care of her, be her friend, and ensure there aren’t other Katherine Howards in the world, because there have been too many already.

#six the musical #six: the musical #katherine howard #all you wanna do #catherine howard #long post

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drferox · 7 years ago

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20 Questions with Dr Ferox #23

Whelp, time for another blast of 20 questions and comments from the inbox. If you were brave enough to use your username I’ve tried to tag you (Thanks Tumblr) but if you were on anon, you’ll have to look yourself.

Would you folks be interested in me answering these sort of short questions in a video instead? Let me know in the replies. Now here we go!

Anonymous said: do u play mobile games on your phone, like animal crossing pocket camp? :O

No, should I? I haven't heard much about it.

@trisaratops45 said: Dr. Ferox, First off I just started following your blog and love it! I'm stuck using mobile so I can't see your faq information. I was just wondering if the clinic you work at sees any exotic or pocket pets? Of so what is your favorite to see and treat? Thank you!

Welcome! We don't see a huge amount of exotics at my clinic, we're not well set up for them, but ferrets are probably my favorites.

Anonymous said: do you follow any medblr blogs? and if you do, are you ever like 'thank goodness i don't have to deal with that' or 'man i wish it was that easy'? question tax: what is your favorite depiction of dragons from fantasy media

I actually had to go check which blogs I was following. No active medblr blogs in the list anyway. I often see real clients, in the flesh, and think 'Im glad i don't have to deal with that', especially when they describe to me their own gross medical problems as though I want to know exactly what's coming out of their orifices. All dragons are good dragons. I don't think i could pick a favorite.

@the-noble-banana said: What style of nail clippers are best for trimming a cat's claws?

Whatever you're comfortable with. I like these ones

Anonymous said: Do dogs get acne? Is that a thing? Just curious! Question tax: if you could shoot something out of your finger, what would it be?

They can get comedones with certain hormonal conditions (black heads) and can get pimple-like lesions with skin infections. I would shoot icy cold water out of my fingers. Great for hot days, and for stupid faces.

Anonymous said: Do you typically bandage and cover amputations? At the vet I worked at (I was only kennel so everything I saw was in passing) every animal who had limb amputation left after a day or two with the incision fully bandaged. My dog had her hind leg amputated and the vet (different one) had her in and out in under three hours and sent her home unbandage. Just out of curiosity is it case by case that you decide to bandage? Gave my mom a little heart attack seeing her all bloody and swollen

We might but a light dressing over them, but in an amputation of anything more than a toe there's often not much to bandage. Limb amputations are typically very high up the limb in dogs and cats and it's hard to bandage something in that position. Also, sometimes dogs eat the dressing.

@crimsonrose95 said: I'm not vet med, but I am into chemistry and physical sciences and the ask talking about chemistry being inconsistent is so weird a thought to me. Biology is way less consistent than chemistry like chemistry is mostly math with elements and compounds while biology is mostly names. It's just really interesting how most people start to think a science they don't like and have trouble in is just the science being completely inconsistent to them. Me included.

I get what you mean. Chemistry has a fairly distinct set of rules, even if they're rules you've not encountered outide of chemistry before. I was never a fan of physics, but it is consistent. Biology likes to bend rules. Life finds a way.

Anonymous said: Why does my cat yell when I try to use the bathroom alone? Question tax: what's your favorite thing about Australia?

Possibly he thinks you need moral support? Or that there's demons in there. My favorite thing about Australia is our universal healthcare system and gun control.

@foxtrottarts said: How common is dewclaw removal in dogs, and what are the benefits/downsides?

Hind dewclaw removal is relatively common at the time of deseing, if they're the sort that flop all over the place and lack a boney attachment. Front dewclaws are usually left, unless removed for a medical reason. I've written about it before here. https://drferox.tumblr.com/search/dewclaw

Anonymous said: Can a dog still have the MDR1 gene if they have never reacted to those drugs in the past (lets says a dog that has regular flea prevention of selemectin)

If the dog has only had a popular flea product containing selamectin but has never had ivermectin, yes they could still have it. MDR1 dogs typically don't react to that product, nor do they react to the annual heartworm injection.

Anonymous said: Hello, I had a question as google only takes me but so far, and the results were iffy at best since it's difficult to locate a vet or someone in a position who would know the answer. How much of a danger is animal or human saliva to pet birds? Some people say kissing the bird, or having another pet such as a dog lick/groom them is an issue, but I'm just lost on if any is true, and would love to find the answer. Thanks a ton in advance since it's all pretty confusing.

It is a potential issue. Carnivore saliva contains many bacterial species that can be devastating to birds or other mammals even through relatively small abrasions. Carnivores should not be permitted to interact with prey species and birds. Cats are especially risky because they're so pointy and because they effectively coat themselves in saliva when grooming. You can find some more information here.

Anonymous said: Hi Dr. Ferox, we recently had to put our cat down due to health issues. We're pretty sure he had FIP as the last week of his life he had every symptom but one. A website we saw said the virus can live in the environment for weeks afterwards and I was wondering if you knew any sort of approximate time. We aren't ready for another cat yet but occasionally foster a kitten and don't want to bring one into the house and have it get sick

I typically reccomnd 4 months, and replacing bedding, litter trays and food dishes. While you are probably fine with 3 months, given the incurable and devestating nature of FIP (Feline Infection Peritonitis) I prefer to err on the side of caution.

@kumoi-no-hikari said: I got a couple rats a few months ago and the lady I bought them from mentioned that most vets don't know much about rats and will probably do more harm than good unless the situation is extreme. Is that true? They haven't had any issues, but I'm worried about traumatizing them or wasting money if they ever have a problem.

Some vets will certainly be better equiped or more interested in treating rats than others, but you'll only know if you call around and ask them. If they're not keen on seeing rats, they might know somebody who is. I think saying 'most vets don't know X' is unfair when you look at the diversity of vets in the world. Call around, plan for the worst ahead of time.

Anonymous said: Do you know how taxidermy works? I plan this route for my cat when she's passes, do I have to contact them before the body stiffens or position her first?

No idea. But I would contact them well in advance incase they have waiting lists or something. But I would think very carefully about whether taxidermy of a pet is something you definitely want.

Anonymous said: Hey there! What’s your favorite brand of stethoscope?

The Littman is what I use and have been very happy with my Classic II.

Anonymous said:Our poodle mix loved grabbing a mouthful of food then running to the living room to eat it - not necessarily to be near us, he just would eat over carpet. Sometimes we'd rearrange the living room so it wasn't a direct shot from the dining room and he'd still run around the furniture to eat there. He also once pooped one piece on each stair when we were gone all day for some unfathomable reason.

There is so much that could be going on there, but since you didn't seem to ask a question I'm not sure what you'd like me to say.

Anonymous said: On the topic if dog eating things they shouldn't. A shitzu swallowed the end of a large chew bone whole and when she puked It up it was about the size of my fist.

Little dogs often seem to overestimate what they can safely eat. Westies seem to be the worst for this though, and are a common breed to see for stuff getting stuck in their oesophagus.

Anonymous said: About people thinking vets are scammers, my family was so bad with this when I was a child. I remember I had a sick kitten, I was around 8, it had some lung issues and I begged and cried to vet it and my dad said "pray really really really hard to God every hour, and maybe he'll bring a miracle!" and the cat died the next day :( I get so LIVID when people refuse taking their pets to vets for stuff that cannot wait. Makes me wanna slap those people senseless!

Your Dad sounds like a lazy asshole and a cheapskate. Even if god existed, I'm pretty sure he wouldn't appreciate being dialed up for a miracle like a pizza delivery.

Anonymous said: i just wanted to tell you that i recently adopted an older orange tabby cat (dsh) and he is large. like not just fat (which we are working on), but unusually tall and long. like. maine coon size. he has so far used his size to swipe bacon off a kitchen counter and remain an effective roadblock. he's very calm and sweet, i love my big fat baby.

Congratulations on your new addition! I'm sure your big orange boy loves you back too.

@mise-en--place said: Thought you might appreciate this. We got records on a cat today and on a previous visit they stated; "BCS 5/9. Cat appears to be about 7lbs through the gloves and towel." We got a good laugh, cat was actually quite calm for her visit.

I received a history for my old cat Dippa who had once very badly bitten this other vet that only said "Appears healthy in cage. Vaccinated in cage. Dr Ferox is welcome to come and perform a dental on her own cat any time she likes." I took that to mean "I'm not touching this hellbeast. You deal with her."

#20 questions #dr ferox #veterinarian #vetblr #animal death #death #pet death #taxidermy

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theworstbob · 7 years ago

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yellin’ at songs, week forty-three

11.1.1997 11.3.2007 11.4.2017 still doin’ this, still not sure why

11.1.1997

19) "I Don't Want to Wait," by Paula Cole

whoever did the drums for this song, y'all did some work. thanks for that. um, i don't know. i guess i never would have realized that this song was about how paula cole's grandparents were too stressed or too afflicted with PTSD to appreciate their lives and their blessings so she's gonna seize the moment, given that i associated this song with a teen soap opera i never watched, but i'm not sure it really engages with those people on a substantive level. "yeah, my granddad had shellshock, and that taught me i should carpe a whole bunch of diems before i, too, experience a horrible event from which i can't come back." is that, help him! talk to him!

26) "My Body," by LSG

"Gotta call you up and let you know just what I'm feelin', baby/911 0 0 24/Baby, it's an emergency, I'm callin' 'cause I gotta have some more." *ring* *ring* *ring* 911. What's your emergency? OPERATOR I'M HORNY 12415 Hyperion Street? YES! The Whambambulance is on its way. I just realized that's a pager code and I should probably make fun of the sexy pager codes, but I just came up with Whambambulance so this stays.

29) "Feel So Good," by Mase

Hm. There's an interesting juxtaposition at the heart of this song: you see, Mase is a bad boy. You know this, as he is affiliated with the Bad Boy record label; they are not in the business of hiring good boys there, I'd imagine. But despite his inherent badness, he is still capable of engendering good feelings in the young women with whom he "hangs" (popular late-'90s slang for 'copulates'). This thematic complexity is the thing we have come to expect from Mase, and he has delivered unto us yet another intellectual treat.

56) "Phenomenon," by LL Cool J

"I was looking at her in the limelight, pearly whites" LL Cool J I sincerely doubt you go to the club to scope out nice smiles. Come on. "Behind every playa is a true playette" I never would have realized the word 'playa' needed a feminine form. I don't see why this needed to be a gendered term, but then again, I'm looking at this with 2017 eyes, where we're all just people who enjoy fucking to various degrees and we kinda stopped caring about gender. They probably did need a female form of 'playa' in 1997. "You beefin, yellin on the cell of my 6/You reach it, then you hear the cordless click" THIS IS A BOAST ABOUT A CORDLESS PHONE

66) "I Do," by Lisa Loeb

I listened to this song yesterday and then I got distracted because there was some hot LttP rando tourney tie-break action and some listen to and read other things and now it's the day after and I'm pretty sure this song was OK but I'm extremely sure I got everything out of the first listen. It's a fun female singer/songwriter jam about love or whatever that wasn't completely shallow but also wasn't really captivating. It was. It existed. It was a song I listened to and thenI moved on with my life.

69) "So Good," by Davina ft./Raekwon

This was dope! Because this capsule is being written immediately after I listened to the song, one would think I have more to say, what with it being fresh in my mind. Hey: guess what: it was good! It was low-key and had a nice clip and it pleased me! It pleased me greatly. I am not making fun of this song even though it's basically the same thing as "So Good" because I'll take something that sounds like Lauryn Hill over something that sounds like Mase.

72) "Dream," by Forest for the Trees

"I wanna make a hip-hop song!" "I wanna make an alternative rock song!" "I wanna engage in psychadelia!" "I wanna play the bagpipes!" "Fellas, fellas, fellas! No reason we can't ALL get out way!" And that was the episode of Forest for the Trees when they learned how they could avoid conflict by seeking out compromises.

75) "I'm Not a Player," by Big Punisher

For some reason, on the album Capital Punishment, "Still Not a Player" comes well before "I'm Not a Player." This seems like a grievous error in sequencing. Like, someone should have done something about that, unless Big Pun was way ahead of the curve on the whole "this album should be played with the track listing reversed." "Still Not a Player" even references the hook for "I'm Not a Player." Missed opportunity for a killer reprise. I would also like to note that there is an Intermission in track four of a nineteen-track album. He makes for a fun listen, but Big Pun was absolutely garbage at actually making an album.

11.3.2007

68) "Shadowplay," The Killers

The Killers named themselves after a fictional band in a Joy Division music video. In the video for "Mr. Brightside," The Killers also have a fictional band playing; the kick drum bears the insignia for The Genius Sex Poets. The top YouTube result for The Genius Sex Poets is a band from Denmark that makes somewhat sloppy mopecore rock, they tried their best and I'm not here to make fun of the little guy but also wish I hadn't spent four minutes with them, but the enh makes sense. Joy Division's fake band had a dope name. It was brisk, to the point, and let you know what that fake band was about. I'm surprised that no band had taken the name The Killers before The Killers, or even before whatever Joy Division video I'm not gonna watch because I don't care enough. The Genius Sex Poets is the name of your college's worst a capella group. It's a bad name for a band, and that The Killers wanted to influence as they have been influenced by giving their fake band that name is why I never could get into them. They wanted their legacy to be a band called The Genius Sex Poets. What a trash thing to want.

94) "Love Like This," Natasha Bedingfield ft./Sean Kingston

"We were cool back in high school/Ooh, I really liked you!" Earlier this year, we praised Mariah Carey's "I Don't" because it was a song in which a 40-year-old Mariah Carey had a 28-year-old YG rap about how hot he thought Mariah was. It's a lovely subversion of the Hollywood thing where John Legend and Ariana Grande sing a love duet for a Disney film and people don't see anything wrong or squicky about it. The age gap here isn't quite so drastic, Natasha Bedingfield is 26 and Sean Kingston is 17, but still, this is as close to progress as anyone who isn't Mariah has ever made. The people DO demand a film where Channing Tatum goes down on Meryl Streep, though. I think we're due.

96) "The Hand Clap," Hurricane Chris ft./Big Poppa

this is literally just an over-produced song where hurricane chris only says he wants people to clap their hands. like that's it. that's all there is to this song. just hurricane chris listing reasons you should clap your hands. "Well, I hope you ain't tired of clappin' yo hands/'Cause we just got in the club." Does. Does Hurricane Chris expect me to clap my hands the entire time in the club? 'Cuz I'd do it, but it'd be quite silly. Picture me in the club constantly clapping my hands. Bangin' beats, slammin' honeys, and me just fucking there getting my seal on. "Drop that beat/Turn it up/That's too loud, man!/Turn it down/Now turn it back up" FUCK'S SAKE CHRISTOPHER MAKE UP YOUR MIND DON'T CONFUSE THE DJ THE DJ CLEARLY HAS ENOUGH TO WORRY ABOUT

100) "Just Fine," Mary J. Blige

That Mary J. Blige isn't in Decade Dance is the harshest referendum I can offer on music in 2017

11.4.2017

82) "High End," by Chris Brown ft./Future & Young Thug

nope!

84) "Yours," by Russell Dickerson

oh so he’s country. goddamnit. and it's even the fake-deep ballad bullshit country. this is the song that plays during the first dance at your aunt's third wedding, but it was her first church wedding, the first time they eloped in vegas and the second time, well, you know, uncle jim was never one for crowds, so this her first chance to really have HER day, you know? she hasn't had HER day yet, and you know what, she's 46, she deserves her own day. it'll be a cash bar and you'll spend every second worrying the hot person from the groom's side of the family is technically your cousin now.

87) "Let You Down," by NF

from the cursory research i've done, there appears to be actual emotion behind this song, this isn't just sadness as a substitute for substance there's a backbone to it, so i'm not gonna giveit too much heck. i'm whelmed, but it'd also feel like an insult to say "i didn't like it," because it sounds like a song that wasn't made to get people to listen to nf, it was a song that was made because nf had shit to say, and i respect that.

95) "Stunting AIn't Nuthin," by Gucci Mane ft./Slim Jxmmi & Young Dolph

The AZLyrics page for this song contains five instances of [?] in Gucci Mane's verse. Even the people who like Gucci Mane enough to post his lyrics to the Internet know the lyrical content of a Gucci Mane song isn't worth listening to hard enough to figure out. I paid extra close attention. The blanks are as follows: Don't leave it to BEAVER, just leave it to me (this line is actually borderline clever) I'm at MAD CHRIS' every day of the week (this is a guess, but there's gotta be an ATL strip club named Mad Chris) A FOOL WITH THE CHEWIN' SHE'S chewin' the D (can't say I like it when people bite my dick but to each their own) THAT SOB got me weak in the knees (ok i can't figure this one out, Gucci Mane is trash) Give her THE TROPHY for throat of the week (her parents will put it on the mantle next to her diploma and the participation award from sixth grade gymnastics)

96) "Your Broke Up With Me," by Walker Hayes

MY DUDE. MY. DUDE. YOU. CAN. ABSOLUTELY NEVER. PUT WHISTLING IN YOUR SONG. IF YOU CAN'T WHISTLE. What is this trash? Why are you breathing into the microphone like that? Is this, what, did you accidentally mix your ASMR with your country song and were too lazy to fix the track? I hate this. That whistling sounds so bad. How are people buying this song? This is the most baffling thing I've ever heard.

97) "Mayores," by Becky G ft./Bad Bunny

oh good. a song where a 20-year-old says "i like them older." ...where did i fall on hey violet's "guys my age?" i think i was okay with it then, but man, you think about it now, and you think about this song, and you think about that paula deanda song where she sang "I may be a teen but that doesn't mean I can't party," and man, it's gross. i don't like that this happened.

98) "Ask Me How I Know," by Garth Brooks

barth grooks

Who won the week?

Well, somehow, the white Christian rapper took 2017 Song of the Week honors, so that’s already out. And in a battle between Mary J. Blige and a host of songs that ranged from Neat to Neat!, I’m gonna go with 1997 here.

Current standings: 1997: 17 2007: 12 2017: 14 1997 seems to be building an unassailable lead with the clock running down on a year that ends with 7, though if we’re being real, the last two weeks have been really week. Next week, though, we get a clash of the titans. 1997 enters “Kiss the Rain.” 2007 enters “Low.” 2017 is throwing a ton of Future + Young Thug spaghetti with a side of Tay Tay at the wall. Who will win? ...”Kiss the Rain”’ll prolly take it, like be real it’s “Kiss the Rain,” but we’ll see if 2007 has enough for an upset! (It doesn’t, 1997 has win 18.)

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