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soobiniebaby · 4 years

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Angels & Devils Part IX : Magic Hour

Tomorrow x Together Fanfiction

~ p a r t s : main post || prologue || part 1 || part 2 || part 3 || part 4 || part 5 || part 6 || part 7 || part 8 || part 9 || part 10 || part 11 || part 12 || part 13 || part 14 || part 15 || part 16 || part 17 ~ p a i r i n g : love triangle involving choi soobin and choi yeonjun ~ g e n r e : high school au | some social media au | some fluff & angst | childhood friends | love triangle ~ l a n g u a g e : English ~ w a r n i n g : contains swearing, alcohol, kissing (?) and may contain mature themes (angst, etc.) ~ a / n : This will be my first fanfic (go easy on me pls) and i’m just writing this as I go along, so bear with me juseyo The setting (place/country) of the story is up to the reader’s interpretation ~ s u m m a r y : What should she choose? Han Baby: the new girl with a troubled past MO Academy: her new high school Choi Soobin: student council president, member of the Ecosave club, volunteer at the Humane Treatment of Animals, member of the Honor Society, a vocalist in the Jazzed club, the school’s all around golden boy Choi Yeonjun: leader of the Dance club, star of the Jazzed club, the school’s it boy with a bad rep 5 best friends, 1 new girl, 1 childhood friendship, 1 epic love triangle? What will this school year bring?

Yeonjun had been on cloud 9 the whole weekend.

Ever since he and Baby talked things out and she finally said yes to him that Friday, he hadn’t been able to stop himself from smiling. They had been texting ever since he had left her apartment.

Even the horrendously boring and rigid dinner he had with his parents that night became so much bearable since he had been texting her under the table nearly the whole time.

At the end of the day, he’d call her on FaceTime and they’d stay on video call until one of them would fall asleep.

On Saturday, he and the guys had hung out at Kai’s house. They all put together a care basket, each boy contributing a little gift or token along with a note, to wish B a speedy recovery. He had delivered it to B by the end of the day, stopping by her place for a quick visit as well.

“There’s a cute plushie from Hyuka, a novel highly recommended from Tyun, a collection of movies from Gyu, and handpicked snacks from Soobin. And there’s a get well soon card with a short message from each of us.” Yeonjun says, slowly laying out each boy’s gift in front of B. “Also, Soobin requests that you take a picture with his gift so you guys will have something to post for your project this week.” he adds.

“Alright, I’ll make sure to take a few pictures before devouring them.” B says, excitedly looking at the snacks. “Wow, these gifts are amazing. The boys are so sweet.” she says in awe, grabbing the plushie from Kai and holding it close to her chest.

“The boys? What about me? Aren’t I sweet?” Yeonjun asks.

“Well, I guess you are, but you didn’t get me a get-well-soon gift.” she says, pouting.

Yeonjun laughs. “Don’t worry, I’ve got your get-well gift right here.” he says. When she raises a brow at him in confusion, he simply puts a finger under her chin and tilts it upward as he gives her a kiss, keeping it tender and sweet. He feels her smile against his lips and he pulls away, smiling back at her. “See? Bet you feel better already.” he says.

“Much better.” B smiles, feeling tingles all over her body. “Still no gift, though.”

Yeonjun stepped back, shocked. “Was that not enough for you? What more do you want from me?” he says, exaggeratingly putting a fist over his chest.

B laughs. “You’re so dramatic! Don’t get me wrong, your kisses are great, but I want a gift that’ll keep me from getting bored or feeling lonely while I’m on lockdown for the week. The boys’ gifts are all spot on.” she explains. “If I’m gonna be stuck alone here for the next few days, I’m gonna get bored and lonely.”

“Don’t worry, I’ve got the perfect gift. You’ll see.” Yeonjun says mysteriously.

B raises a brow but raises no further questions. That night, she makes sure to take pictures and sends them to Soobin, each of them creating their own social media posts for their project.

When Sunday came, B decided to plan out her week of isolation, wanting to make it as productive as possible. First, she messaged the boys to thank them for their gift basket and to beg them to help her keep up with schoolwork and lessons, which they gamely accept. She also checks her other messages and sees a few from the girls.

She finally messages them, feeling guilty upon seeing how worried they were.

Meanwhile, Yeonjun starts to make plans of his own, wanting to make sure that the coming week would be perfect.

•°•

Monday

Wanting to start her first day of missing classes on the right foot, B had managed to convince at least one of her classmates in each class to secretly have her on call during the periods, so that she could listen in on the lectures on her phone, as if she were taking an online class. She had called Taehyun for first period Economics, Kai for second period History, Yuna for third period Biology, Beomgyu for after-lunch Maths, Taehyun again for Foreign Language class, and Soobin for Creative writing class.

“Why not me?” Yeonjun had asked her with a pout when she told him her plan.

B laughed at how adorable he was. “Because Soobin is one of my closest friends, plus he’s my partner in the class, so it would make more sense if I called him. Besides, it might seem too suspicious if I called you instead of him.” she reasoned.

The whole day, B had her phone by her side as she struggled to listen to the lectures and took down her own notes as well, making sure to catch any dates for assignment deadlines or quizzes. By the time last period was over, B had gotten showered and dressed, first for a quick visit from her family doctor to check on her condition and then for some time to hang out with Ryujin, who had promised to visit since she was immune to chicken pox.

Sure enough, the doctor came by and did a quick check up of her vital signs and assessed her rashes, simply advising her not to scratch them. He was there for a maximum of 20 minutes before leaving.

At a little past 5:30 PM, Ryujin came ringing on her front door holding a box of cinnamon rolls from Kang’s Kafe.

B excitedly hugs her as soon as she opens the door to let her friend in, squealing and thanking her for the cinnamon rolls.

As they step into the apartment, Ryujin observes “Wow B, you look so happy, you’re practically glowing, and I’m pretty sure it’s not the rashes.”

B blushes and waves her hand dismissively. “Oh, it’s probably just cause I’ve been getting a lot of sleep lately, but thanks.”

“A lot of sleep? More like a lot of Yeonjun.” Ryujin says, smiling devilishly. “Come on, tell me more about it! How are you feeling? What is it like to date him? Have you guys done anything yet?”

“Well if you must know, I feel really happy. So happy in fact that it keeps me too distracted to even think about how itchy these rashes are.” B says, rubbing her arms which had small specks of rashes. “And technically, we haven’t even gone on a date yet, but we’ve been talking a lot and he’s called me on Facetime the past 2 nights and he’s just really sweet. And no, we haven’t ‘done anything’ yet, we’ve just kissed a couple of times.”

Ryujin lets out a squeal. “Ah, it sounds so exciting! I’m so happy for you! Honestly, seeing how hard you were trying to avoid him for the past 2 weeks was hard. I wanted to shake you or something just to knock some sense into you. It was actually kinda funny seeing how stubborn you were about it, I mean he obviously liked you but anyone who knew your current situation could see that you definitely had feelings for him as well!” she laughs. “Speaking of, what have the other guys said about you 2 dating? I bet Gyu’s been teasing you 2 nonstop.” she asks, referring to the guys in the student council.

B laughs nervously. “Oh, uh, we haven’t really told anyone yet.” she admits. “I haven’t even told Ningni—I mean Hyuka, about Yeonjun asking me out at the party, so none of them have any clue about Yeonjun asking me out and me avoiding Yeonjun and everything. I’ve only told you and Yuna.”

Ryujin smacks B’s arm. “B! Why? You should’ve at least told Kai about it! Isn’t he your best friend?”

“He is, yes! It’s just hard, I mean I’ve told him about my past crushes and stuff back when we were younger, but it’s just that Yeonjun is his one of his closest friends, so it just feels kind of weird. Like it might make their friendship awkward, especially if things between me and Yeonjun don’t work out.” B says defensively.

“Please, those guys are thick as thieves, nothing could ever break their friendship apart. And stop saying that you and Yeonjun won’t work out, you’re worrying too much about something that hasn’t even happened yet or something that might not even ever happen. Instead of thinking the worst about the future, you should just try to make the most out of the present instead.” Ryujin says.

“Wow, that’s actually really good advice, Ryu.” B admits. “Fine, I promise I’ll try not to worry too much and stuff. But Yeonjun and I agreed that we’d wait until I’ve recovered enough to go back to school until we tell the guys anything about us dating.”

“Oh sweetie, he’s a guy. Heck, he’s not just a guy, he’s Choi Yeonjun. Guys like to talk about girls. And just like you’ve been talking to Yuna and I about Yeonjun, I’m pretty sure Yeonjun has been talking to at least 1 other guy about you too. The question is, which guy could he be talking to?” Ryujin wonders.

•°•

Tuesday

“So that’s what I’ve got planned out for the next few days. Well, while she’s still confined to her apartment, at least. I’ve got a whole week of stay-at-home dates and romantic stuff planned. I just want to make it as good as possible, even if she can’t leave her house.” Yeonjun says, finishing up explaining his plans in great detail. “It’s what she deserves, especially after hearing how much she struggled the past 2 weeks. I just want to make sure she won’t regret her decision to finally say yes.”

“Yeonjun, that sounds amazing.” Beomgyu says, looking at the blue-haired boy in awe. “I always knew you had your ways to woo a girl, but damn I’ve never seen you plan out something like this before. I especially like the part where you sort of kidnap her.” Beomgyu laughs. “Congrats on finally getting the ‘yes’ by the way. It was kinda killing me to see how hard the past 2 weeks have been on you too.”

“It’s what she deserves. It’s crazy cause I don’t think I’ve ever liked a girl this much before, especially since I’ve only known her for a few weeks.” Yeonjun gives him a bright smile, and Beomgyu could tell just how smitten he was. “And thanks, Gyu. Thanks for being there for me these past couple of weeks, too. And thanks for keeping it between us.” he adds, remembering how Beomgyu had noticed how different Yeonjun had been acting, and how Yeonjun himself had finally told Beomgyu about everything.

From how Yeonjun had been watching B at the party to how Yeonjun had found himself smitten by B during their 7 minutes together to how Yeonjun had asked her out twice and even to how he had winked at her onstage. He didn’t mean to tell anyone about his feelings for their new friend so soon, but he couldn’t bear the weight of it any longer. Now he was happy to be telling Beomgyu about how he had taken care of B when she was sick and how they had finally been able to talk things out.

“Dude, you’ve got it bad.” Beomgyu says, laughing and clapping him on the back. “I have to admit, it’s a bit weird seeing you talk about a girl so much, but I can’t help but feel proud that you’ve finally found someone you genuinely seem to care for.”

Yeonjun nods. “Yes, I really do. And thanks Gyu, really. She just feels really different, I guess. And I’m hoping that the more I get to know her, the more I end up liking her, instead of the other way around. Usually with me, girls can make a strong first impression at the start but then when I try to get to know them more, they end up feeling just like everyone else. I don’t think it’ll be like that with her, though.”

“With all the things you’ve got planned for her, I highly doubt that’ll be the case.” Beomgyu says. “I’m sure she’ll love it. Go get her, Yeonjun!”

And he did.

That afternoon, he stood outside her apartment door feeling just a tiny bit nervous, his hands full, whispering and instructing the people behind him for the last time before he rang the doorbell.

“Coming!” Yeonjun could hear her yell from inside the apartment, and he smiled to himself.

He braces himself as she opens the door, and as soon as he sees her face, his heartbeat instantly speeds up.

“Hi, Baby.” he simply says as he stands in front of her with a bouquet of blue roses, the string quartet that he had hired for the afternoon starts to play a soft rendition of Euphoria by BTS.

She stands there for a moment, a hand covering her mouth as she stares in awe at the blue-haired boy before her and the blue roses he held, to the four string players holding their instruments and serenading her, until the chorus comes up and Yeonjun softly sings, “Take my hands now” as he takes one of her hands in his and squeezes it gently. “You are the cause of my euphoria.”

She unfreezes then, taking a step towards him and wrapping her arms around him to give him a hug, which was a bit of a challenge considering the dozen roses between them.

He laughs as she gives up on trying to hug him and settles on standing on her tiptoes to give him a quick peck instead. “You’re supposed to take the flowers first, silly.” he says.

“Yeonjun! This is just…wow.” she says, taking the flowers in her arms, they were heavier than they looked. “This is incredible. You’re incredible. This it too much, this is… just, thank you so much.” she says, flustered.

“Oh, Baby. This is nothing, don’t sweat it.” he says, savoring her reaction. If she was gonna smile this wide and get this flustered every time he made a romantic gesture like this, then the rest of the week was going to be fun.

•°•

Wednesday

B had been wondering why Yeonjun had made such a strange request that morning, but she was happy to oblige. It’s not like she had anything better to do in her apartment, and she spent most of her time listening to lectures through phone calls in her bedroom anyway. She had called the same people as she had for the past 2 days, glad that she had found a way to keep herself up to date on lectures.

She had almost forgotten about Yeonjun’s request until her last class for the day ended, and she heard sounds coming from inside her apartment. She kept her bedroom door closed the whole day, so the sound of some unknown person in her apartment was alarming.

She quickly dials up Yeonjun’s number, trying to keep herself calm and telling herself that it was probably not a dangerous intruder but rather something related to Yeonjun’s request.

“Hey Baby, what’s up?” he says, answering on the second ring.

“Hey Yeonjun, uh, I’m in my bedroom right now and I thought I heard something from inside the apartment so I was wondering if it’s something to do with what you texted me this morning or if there really is an intruder and I should call the police.” she says, trying to sound causal and calm.

Yeonjun laughs on the other end, which causes B to relax a bit. “You are adorable. Very smart and safe that you checked with me first though, everytime you hear strange noises in your apartment, call me right away okay?” he says. “For now, don’t worry though, I promise you’re safe. It’s part of the plan, I asked some people to help me set up for our date today. Sorry for making you panic, I should’ve given you a heads up.”

B scoffs. “Psh, I was not panicking. I’m just being very smart and safe, like you said.” she says. “What kind of date requires you to ask for help to set up though? What exactly do you have planned for today?”

“Now why would I tell you that? You’ll find out in about an hour anyway, but for now, promise me you’ll stay in your room until I tell you it’s safe okay? If not, you’ll spoil the surprise.” he says.

B nods. “Yeah sure, I can do that.” she says, even though the curiosity was killing her. What kind of date did Yeonjun have planned now?

Just then, B hears a voice from Yeonjun’s end of the call. “Hey YJ, you want me to ride with you to Kang’s? Or should I ride with Soobin?” Beomgyu asks.

“Hop right into the car, I’ll just finish up this call.” Yeonjun responds. “Hey Baby, gonna grab a quick snack at Kang’s with the boys before I head to your place. I’ll make it quick, so try not to miss me too much.” he says.

“Don’t worry, it’s the rest of the guys that I really miss anyway.” she says teasingly. “It’s only been a few days, but I haven’t seen them in forever.”

“Oh? So since you’ve been seeing me almost everyday now, you don’t miss me? Yeonjun says, and B could practically hear him pouting from the phone.

She laughs. “Don’t be silly, you know I miss you too.”

Yeonjun laughs too. “I miss you too. See you in about an hour, alright? And wear something nice.” he simply says before hanging up.

“Was that her? Was that B?” Beomgyu asks as Yeonjun gets into the car, joining him in the back seat before the car starts to move, taking them to Kang’s café.

Yeonjun nods. “Yeah, she was worried cause she heard a noise in her apartment but I told her it’s just the dinner people.”

Beomgyu raises a brow. “The dinner people? Wait, which date is this? The one where you hire people to set up the apartment in like a super romantic—”

“Yes yes, it’s that one.” Yeonjun said, amused at how excited Beomgyu was, remembering that he told Beomgyu about all his date plans for the week. “I’m a little worried that it might be a bit too much? What do you think?”

Beomgyu laughs. “Honestly, what you’ve got planned for today is…small compared to what you’ve got planned for Thursday or Friday. Considering she’s not supposed to leave her apartment, it’ll be a challenge to pull off too.”

“Oh, I asked her doctor about it and he said that as long as she’s very careful about who she comes in contact with and limits exposure as much as possible, then technically I can take her out. Just a matter of how and where I do it.” Yeonjun says confidently. “I’m sure it’ll be fine, I can pull it off.”

Beomgyu gives him a smile and a pat on the back. “I’m sure you can, Yeonjun. Don’t worry about sticking around at Kang’s either, you can leave as soon as you want, I’ll back you up. Try not to keep her waiting, you know?” he says supportively.

“Thanks, Gyu. I’ll just order something for takeout and I’ll go.”

•°•

B takes a deep breath and straightens out her dress one last time before finally opening her bedroom door and taking a step into her living area.

And she was immediately rendered speechless.

The place looked almost unrecognizable. The furniture had been moved around to make space in the middle of the room for her small round dining table and 2 chairs. The lights were all off, the apartment illuminated solely by candlelight, with tea candles and blue rose petals scattered all over the apartment, carefully sprawled all across the floor and sprinkled on the furniture. The table was set up for 2, with delicious-looking dishes already in place and a bottle of white wine along with a flower arrangement and 2 candles in the center.

She could hear the string quartet from yesterday from within the apartment, and after letting her eyes adjust to the dim light and looking around she could see that they were hidden away in the kitchen, softly playing their rendition of Home by Michael Buble.

Then Yeonjun reveals himself, he was waiting right outside her bedroom door, and he holds out a hand to her. “Han Baby, I know it’s a bit early, but would you do me the honour of having dinner with me?” he says grandly.

B lets out a laugh, looking at him in awe. “It would be my pleasure, Choi Yeonjun.” she says, taking his hand.

He smiles back at her and leads her to the dining table, pulling out her chair and letting her sit before joining her.

“I’m not sure what food you’d like, but I got garlic butter baked salmon, chicken kievs, Caesar salad, a bottle of Moscato and a serving of chocolate covered strawberries for dessert.” Yeonjun says, presenting the table on the food.

“Wow, they all look so good.” B says, feeling her mouth start to water. “How did you do all this? How did you put this all together?”

“Well, I had a bit of help, of course.” Yeonjun says, pouring the wine. “I asked my driver Hwall and some help from home to bring over the food, move the furniture and set up the candles and flowers. And the string quartet, whom you’ve met yesterday, are a few friends from my old school.” he says, giving a quick salute to the four string players in the kitchen, who warmly smiled back at him. “I hope you didn’t mind having strangers in your apartment, I’m sorry if you got scared. I should have been more considerate.”

B accepts the glass of champagne but shakes her head. “Yeonjun, it’s fine. I trust that you’re being careful and that you wouldn’t compromise my safety. This is all very lovely, thank you.” she says, reaching over the table to take his hand and gently squeezing it.

He smiles warmly at her. “Thank you for trusting me. I’m glad you like it.” he says, once again savouring the moment. The warmth in her eyes as she looked at him, her initial shock upon seeing the dinner set up, how good it felt to have her hand in his, and just everything about her in general.

Since he couldn’t be out too late on a school night without raising suspicion from his father, he wanted to make the most out of every minute. From sharing the most compelling yet laughably random conversations over dinner, to the sickeningly sweet banter over dessert, to the intimacy of slow dancing in her living room.

He made sure to bid his friends from the string quartet goodbye and help B with putting her furniture back in place before calling up Hwall and letting him know it was time for him to go.

As she walks him out of her apartment, lingering by the doorway for just a moment to say goodbye.

“You know, you never cease to amaze me, Choi Yeonjun. I’m starting to think there’s nothing you can’t do.” she says, as he stands outside her door. “Except fly, of course.”

Yeonjun smiles at her quizzically. “What makes you think I can’t fly?” he asks playfully, pulling her closer.

“Because you’re only human?” she says, laughing. “Besides, I don’t want a boy who can fly. I just want you.” she says, wrapping her arms around his neck.

“Aw, Baby, you’re so sweet.” Yeonjun says, planting a gentle kiss on her forehead. “Now, let’s say I could fly, would you still want me then?”

“And you’re so silly! Of course I would.” she laughs, stroking his hair. “But for now, I think you have to go.” she says, seeing his driver standing by from the corner of her eye.

“I’m afraid I do.” he says, giving a quick nod to Hwall before completely wrapping his arms around B’s waist and holding her tight, which causes her to squeal.

“See you tomorrow?” he says, finally letting go.

She nods. “See you tomorrow.” she says, waving him off and watching him walk away.

Right before he gets into his car, he takes one last look up at B’s apartment, and he’s pleasantly surprised to see her still standing outside, a hand on her chest as she smiled to herself, spinning in place a couple times before walking back into her apartment and closing the floor behind her.

He couldn’t wait to see how she’d react for what dates he had planned next.

•°•

Thursday

With Yeonjun’s simple request, once again, B didn’t really know what to expect.

She certainly wasn’t expecting to be ambushed at her front door with a bouquet or blue roses and to be serenaded by a string quartet on Tuesday, and she definitely wasn’t expecting her apartment to feel like a romantic 5 star restaurant yesterday, but his request for today’s date caught her so off guard that she couldn’t help but to overthink.

Wear something comfy?

What did he mean by that? What kind of date would entail such a simple request? Would it be something as simple as staying in and watching movies together? Knowing Yeonjun, it probably wasn’t.

While still keeping track of lectures through cellphone calls, she spent more of the overthinking about what kind of date Yeonjun could have possibly planned for the day, and what kind of outfit she’d be wearing.

At the end of the day, she decides to message her girl friends for help once again.

And right as she finishes fixing herself up, she hears the doorbell ring. She calls out “Just a second!” and quickly swipes on some blush to finish the look before running up to the front door and opening it.

“Hey, Baby.” Yeonjun says, smiling at her. “You look nice. You definitely found the perfect balance between cute and comfy.” he says, checking out her outfit.

“Hey Yeonjun! Thanks.” she says, smiling back. Just as she opens the door wider, ready to welcome him into the apartment, he takes her completely by surprise and says “Come on, let’s go.”

She blinks once, twice, still surprised. “Let’s go? Go, uh, where?”

“You’ll see. C’mon, put on some shoes and grab your things. Hwall’s waiting for us downstairs.” he says casually.

“Go? Where? And how? I mean, I’m still highly contagious, my doctor said I couldn’t leave—” B starts, still a bit dumfounded.

“I’ve cleared this with your doctor. Yes, you’re still possibly highly contagious, but where we’re going, there won’t be anyone for you to infect.” he says.

Confused, B decides to put on a pair of sneakers and grab a small sling bag before locking her apartment door behind her.

“Ah, before I forget.” Yeonjun says, rummaging through his bag before pulling out a surgical face mask wrapped in plastic. “You’ll have to put this on for now. Safety reasons.” he explains, handing it to her.

She obliges, and once the face mask is secured, he grabs her hand and leads her to the car.

•°•

“So…where are we going?” B asks for what feels like the hundredth time.

“You’ll see.” Yeonjun responds for what feels like the hundredth time.

“Are you kidnapping me? Should I be worried?” B asks. “Hey, Hwall, is he kidnapping me? Should I be worried?”

Yeonjun’s driver Hwall looks at her through the rear-view mirror as he drives. “I assure you, with sir Yeonjun, you’re in good hands.” he simply says.

B lets out a huff. “You didn’t answer either of my questions, but fine, I trust you.” she says, looking out the window and noticing how unfamiliar everything looked. They were now going uphill and had a fairly decent view of the town. “Wow, I am just now realizing just how little I know about this place. I mean, I just moved here, and all I know is how to get to school and back.”

Yeonjun laughs. “I don’t blame you, but it’s practically the opposite for me since I’ve lived here since I was a kid.” he says. “Don’t worry, I’ll show you around the whole town pretty soon.”

B gives him a curious look but doesn’t say anything. She continues to look out the window for the rest of the ride, noticing how high up they were going. Once they reach the top of the cliff, the car suddenly pulls over and stops, causing her to look around excitedly.

“Is this it? Are we here? Where are we?” she says excitedly, trying to look around for any clue as to what Yeonjun had planned for their date. All she could see, however, was the edge of the cliff and how high above the town they were.

“Huh, I guess we got here a bit early.” Yeonjun says, looking out the window. “Molang isn’t here yet.”

“Molang? Who’s Molang?” B asks, raising a brow.

Just then, she notices a low whirring noise, not knowing what it was or where it was coming from. She notices the sound getting louder and louder, until a helicopter comes into view.

As she spots the helicopter flying in and slowly approaching them, her jaw drops. “No way.”

Yeonjun laughs as he stares at her, amused by her reaction. “Yes way. Baby, this is Molang. My beautiful Airbus ACH175 helicopter.” he says, waving at the pilot through the window, who raised a hand back to acknowledge him. “And that’s Sunwoo, our pilot for today.”

“Yeonjun, I—” B starts, but she doesn’t really know what to say. “I—”

He laughs again. “Are you ready to fly?”

B simply nods, staring at the helicopter that was now landing in very close to proximity to where the car was parked. Once Yeonjun opens the door for her and she steps out, that’s when she notices that they were parked next to a helicopter pad situated right by the edge of the cliff.

“Okay, so, helicopter? How?” she manages to say, still struggling to put together coherent words. She could feel the end of her cropped sweater flapping around her torso as they came closer to the helicopter

“Let’s just say that there are a lot of perks that comes with being the sole heir to my father’s business.” he answers, almost yelling to be heard above the noise, taking her hand as they approach the helicopter.

They take the proper precautions and double check everything to make sure that they were securely strapped in, with Sunwoo the pilot briefing them on basic safety protocols and informing them of how they can communicate via the headsets provided.

Yeonjun buckles B into the backseat himself, making sure that she was strapped in tight and taking off her face mask, telling her “Don’t worry, I asked and made sure that Sunwoo is already immune to chickenpox beforehand, so you being contagious won’t be a problem.” before stealing a quick kiss and securing her headset. Next, Sunwoo helps him buckle up next to B, making all the necessary safety checks before they take off.

“Are you afraid of heights, Baby?” Yeonjun’s voice suddenly rings into B’s headset.

“No.” she replies, looking at him and squeezing his hand tight as she feels the vehicle lift off into the air. She wasn’t exactly scared, but she wasn’t expecting to leave the ground when she woke up that morning.

The view was simply breathtaking. She had flown in airplanes before, and as much as she enjoyed being at airports and taking the window seat, but nothing could compare to seeing the small town from a thousand feet in the air.

Below them, the world looked green and blue, the town highlighted by the abundantly green trees and the river that surrounded it.

Throughout the ride, Yeonjun had begun to point out the most random things to B. From the park where he won his first soccer match in when he was in the 5th grade, to the building that his father owned which he absolutely hated. He told her endless stories of the places he’d run away to when he felt like escaping, and stories of the places he’s learned to love the most after years of living in one place.

As the sun started to set, the city lights started to light up slowly, then all at once.

“Wow, this is amazing. It feels like magic.” B says, staring in awe at the town below them, now illuminated in hundreds of shining lights.

“Magic hour, when the sun sets and all the lights start to turn on.” Yeonjun agrees.

B could feel her neck start to ache from keeping it outstretched the whole time as she tried her best to look out the window, drinking in as much of the view as she could.

Meanwhile, Yeonjun had his eyes on her the whole time.

•°•

Friday

Just then, B hears her doorbell ringing.

She yells out “Coming! Just a minute!” before getting up and making sure she was appropriately dressed before making her way to the front door.

As bummed out as she was about their her supposed last stay-at-home date with Yeonjun being cancelled, she also couldn’t help but feel curious about what could have possible come up that Yeonjun had to cancel it.

She was so engrossed in her thoughts that she forgot to check through the peephole before opening her apartment door, and as soon as she saw the person standing on the other side, she felt her heart skip a beat.

“Baba!” Kai exclaims, throwing his hands in the air. “Surprise!” he says, before engulfing her in a hug.

She unfreezes then, her mind in scrambles, trying to comprehend what was happening.

“Ningning! What are you doing here? And why are you hugging me, step away from me, you might get chickenpox!” she exclaims, trying to pull away from his embrace.

“Actually, I’m here because I have chicken pox.” he admits, subtly rubbing his arms, which B suspected were covered in itchy red rashes. “A few people from school have started to show symptoms, actually, myself included.”

“Oh my god, you have chicken pox? Are you okay? Did any of the other guys get it?” she asks, concerned.

Kai shakes his head. “I’m fine, just a little itchy. And no, as far as I can tell, it’s just me so far. The school’s in chaos now, everyone’s starting to show up to school wearing face masks and spraying alcohol every 5 mintues. Everyone’s afraid of the chicken pox.” he says, shivering.

“That sounds disastrous.” she comments. “So what brings you here exactly?”

Kai grins. “Well, since I have chicken pox now, and you’ve had chicken pox now, and no one else in my family has had chicken pox so I’d be a major health threat to them, I was wondering if I could maybe…stay with you?” he asks sheepishly.

“Oh, like we could quarantine together?” B asks. “I was actually medically cleared by my doctor already so I can come back to school on Monday but I’d love to have you here! Why not?” she says, squealing excitedly as she hugs her bestfriend.

Kai laughs happily. “Oh thank god, Lea practically kicked me out of the house and sprayed me with alcohol the whole time when I got sent home from school. I was able to grab a few of my things before I was banished from my own home.” he says, relieved.

“Oh, you poor thing.” she says, ruffling his hair. “Come on in, I’ll make sure the guest bedroom is clean and ready for you.” she says, welcoming him into her apartment.

“Thanks, Baba! Oh, I’m so excited, I’ve missed you so much! I haven’t seen you in a whole week.” Kai says, whining. “I can’t wait to catch up with you. Honestly, MOA has felt so boring without you so there’s not much I have to say. But I can’t wait to hear all about how you spent your week!”

B laughs hesitantly. “Oh, psh, there’s not much to tell you either.” she says weakly.

“Don’t say that, I’m sure spending a week at home felt like a mini vacation! So tell me, what did you do the whole week?” Kai starts, as they enter the guest room.

I’ve been going on dates with our dear friend Yeonjun B thought to herself, though she knew she couldn’t bring herself to just tell her bestfriend about it.

So what could she tell him about her week?

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wonjaekook · 5 years

Text

If the Dress Fits

A/N: This fic is 80% Y/N and Chenle whining to their respective best friends about each other and like 20% actual plot, but it’s fine… to be honest, I had a really hard time writing this one for whatever reason? But enjoy !

21 Tropes: 8. High school/prom AU + turquoise w/Chenle

Description: Zhong Chenle had somehow not gotten himself a date for prom. He had, however, found out that you have the same favorite movie as him.

Word Count: 3.7k

Genre: fluff

Warnings: none

“This one, you’re getting this one.”

The dress that your friend Ryujin waves in front of you nearly makes you dizzy with how sparkly it is and you have to close your eyes and push her hand away. “I don’t like it,” you say, frowning, “It’s too much.”

“My friend,” she says, lowering the dress and slinging an arm around your shoulder, “you’re going to get a dress today whether you like it or not and, if you aren’t going to choose, I’ll pick one for you.”

“But I-”

“Don’t have a date, blah blah. I don’t care. You’re my best friend and you’re coming to prom no matter what.” Ryujin is beyond stubborn and you know there isn’t anything you can do to convince her to let you stay home.

“Well, I don’t like that one,” you say, turning back to the racks of long, beautiful dresses.

“Choose one soon or I’ll choose for you! We have to go make our hair and makeup appointments, too!”

“Such a waste of money,” you grumble under your breath, pushing dress after dress aside.

“It’s a perfectly good use of money! This is a once in a lifetime experience. Once. In. A. Lifetime!” As she emphasizes each word, you sigh heavily and just pull out the next dress you see.

“I’ll get this one.” Your best friend scrutinizes your choice, a displeased pout on her lips.

“You just chose that one randomly! At least put some thought into it-”

“I like the color and it’s pretty, isn’t that enough?”

She stares at you for a beat before giving in. “Fine, go try it on, then.” As you close the door of the changing room behind you, she shouts out another demand. “And you’d better come out with it on so I can see!” The changing process takes longer than you would have liked to admit, but you eventually step out with the zipper zipped and ribbon tied, showing Ryujin how the item looks on you. She scrutinizes you carefully, tugging at bits of cloth here and there until she sighs. “If you like it, then I like it. Somehow you chose one randomly that looks really good on you.”

You grin victoriously, ecstatic that you’re finally done with the most tedious shopping expedition you’ve ever been on. As you’re getting rung up, you’re also happy to find that the dress isn’t priced too badly either, so you begrudgingly let your best friend drag you along to your next stops without much complaint.

Unbeknownst to you, just a few stores over, Chenle and Jisung are performing a similar operation. Standing in a men’s formal wear store, Chenle is nearly as indecisive as you, but not for lack of caring. If anything, Jisung is the one who cares less of the two as he watches his friend fret.

“Can’t you just pick one?” The younger boy prods, impatiently standing while Chenle stares at the rows and rows of ties. “It’s not like you have anyone to match with.”

“Thanks for rubbing it in,” the elder grumbles, pouting while continuing to scan over the ties. He finally reaches out, picking up three.

“Why didn’t you ask someone, again?” Jisung asks, eyes wandering around the store.

“I didn’t really want to.” He shrugs before scrutinizing each tie carefully in his hands. “...and there’s no one I’m really interested in right now.”

His taller friend looks over his shoulder and points at one. “You should get that one.”

“Why?” Jisung shrugs in response. “Just because you said that, I’m getting this one.” Chenle puts the other two back and goes to the register, purchasing the tie.

You and Chenle make a somewhat unlikely pair. While he’s at least somewhat “cool,” you’re definitely not. He’s good at languages and music and sports, but you’re good at math and science. You’re about as opposite as you can get. That’s probably your biology teacher paired up the two of you.

“Who assigns a project the week before prom?” Chenle groans.

“Can we just focus and get some of this done tonight? I have a Calculus exam tomorrow that I need to study for, too.”

“I hate lab reports,” Chenle grumbles under his breath. You would have rolled your eyes if you didn’t completely agree.

“Same.”

He looks up at you, surprised at your response. “You don’t like writing lab reports?”

You give him an incredulous look. “Of course I don’t like writing lab reports! Who likes writing lab reports? I may be a nerd but I’m not that much of a nerd.”

“Oh,” he says, flushing in embarrassment. “Sorry.”

“Don’t worry about it.” The two of you work as silently as possible for a while, only asking necessary questions. That is, until your phone begins to loudly go off. The chorus of “Start of Something New” from High School Musical blares and fills the room and you scramble to grab your phone, rejecting the call when you see that it’s just Ryujin. You take a minute to send her a panicked text, saying you’re working on a biology thing with Chenle, before you slowly turn back around to face him. He’s staring at you with wide eyes.

“You like High School Musical?” Slowly, you nod, cringing at yourself, and he lights up. “That’s my favorite movie!”

“Wait, really?” Your head snaps up and he’s grinning at you.

“Yeah! I make Jisung watch it with me at least twice a year.” You can’t help but smile back at his enthusiasm.

“I make Ryujin watch it with me every so often, too,” you say, staring back at him. “Going into high school, I always wanted it to be like the movie, but…” You trail off, the smile fading from your face. “I’m being dumb, never mind.”

“No, continue,” he encourages, gesturing at you. “I think I know what you’re talking about.”

“Maybe another time,” you say, somewhat bitterly, “let’s finish this lab report.”

The two of you don’t finish the lab report.

By the time you get through half of it, you realize that you’re basically just talking to yourself and Chenle is about a minute away from falling asleep, so you end the session there and make plans to work on it the next day. He agrees sleepily before packing up his stuff and leaving your house. You pull your phone out and flop down on your bed almost immediately after he leaves, seeing how Ryujin had responded to you earlier.

Bestie: you got paired up with Chenle? Zhong Chenle??

Y/N: YES and he finally left

Bestie: how was that? did you get along?

Y/N: it was fine, I found that he actually loves HSM too

Bestie: huh, really? cool i guess

Bestie: maybe this is your Gabriella moment and you can make him fall in love with

you…

Y/N: stop being weird, I’m not that delulu

Bestie: I’m serious, high school isn’t over yet! it’s not over until it’s over

Bestie: plus he’s cute, you should go for it

Y/N: stoppppp you’re being weird

You toss your phone to the side. Admittedly, when Chenle had first commented that he also loved the movie, you felt like your moment was finally coming, but you shut that feeling down quickly. There was no way you could ever, or he could ever, or that could ever-

You shake your head and smack your face with both palms, trying to clear your head. You really read too many romance novels.

As soon as Chenle leaves your house, he’s texting Jisung.

CL: JISUNG. CHENJI MEETING RIGHT NOW.

JS: what

JS: why are you trying to calling a meeting rn… what’s wrong

CL: Y/N IS SO CUTE

CL: AND SHE LIKES HSM

JS: uhh, nice?

CL: I WANT TO ASK HER OUT

JS: haven’t you had like… one conversation with her? isn’t that a little soon?

CL: …

CL: you’re right

JS: wait a little bit, i didn’t get my gf by jumping at the first girl i thought was cute

CL: your gf approached you first

JS: okay that’s not the point

CL: I’ll wait but I swear I’ve thought she’s cute since econ with her freshman year

JS: whatever you say

The next day, you try to ignore the face that Ryujin makes at you from across the hall as you exit biology class next to Chenle, opting to wave goodbye at him and turn a blind eye to your friend’s taunting.

“Can you not?” You say to her as soon as he leaves. “You’re still being weird!”

“I can smell the romance,” she says, dramatically wiping away a nonexistent tear from her eye, “my baby Y/N is finally getting action.”

“I’m not!” You’re on the verge of stomping your foot like a little kid with how frustrated you are. “We just have to work on a project together!” “I’m friends with Jisung, you know,” she says, “I could slip in a good word about you and that word could reach Chenle-” You hit her on the arm and she winces, pouting at you and shutting up. “Let me live and stop trying to set me up!”

“Fine,” she says, “I guess I’ll just have to let it happen naturally. I’ll leave it even more alone if you buy my banana milk today…?” She tries, but you shut her down with a glare, proceeding to walk to the cafeteria with her. While you’re sitting with your group of friends and eating, you make eye contact with Chenle as he passes by your table with Jisung and he smiles and waves, causing you to wave back. Your best friend sees, nudging you after he breaks eye contact and continues walking and you glare back at her.

When Chenle and Jisung get to their own table, the younger just rolls his eyes at the dreamy look on the elder’s face. “She’s so cute,” he says, leaning against his hand, his elbow on the table.

“Just eat your food.”

One thing you would never, ever admit to her is that you did, at one point, have a crush on your biology partner. You had a class with Chenle at one point in freshman year, economics if you remember correctly. The dynamic was similar to how it is now, but you had been even more quiet then. You don’t think he even knew you existed, which you’re fine with now. When you think about yourself from freshman year, you cringe, just like most other people. But, now, working with him on this project is bringing back the tiny fluttering butterflies in your stomach that you had repressed years before. Ryujin’s comments just bring you false hope because you’re almost certain you have no chance. So, once again, you push back those thoughts and go back to your lunch.

At your house later, you and Chenle work hard on your lab report, spending most of your time relatively silently for about an hour before he sighs and collapses dramatically over his work. “Ah, this is so hard.” “Yeah,” you agree, “I hate this. But we have to finish.”

“Uh-huh…” he says absentmindedly, lifting his head and glancing around your room. “You said…” “What?” You ask, looking away from your work and up at him.

“You said you wanted your life to be like the movie, right?” Your heart beats faster in your chest at the question and you can feel heat rise to your face, tinging it red. “Can you sing?”

“No,” you say quickly, looking at your hands, “and please don’t ask me to demonstrate. I’m so bad that I shatter glass, I swear.”

His high, squeaky laugh makes you lighten up a little bit. “I won’t ask, but I also don’t think anyone is that bad. And I know, I’ve tutored voice lessons. Anyone can sing if they practice enough.”

“Mhm, maybe. You’ve never heard me sing before.” You find yourself smiling at him.

“We should go to karaoke sometime,” he says. You wouldn’t have known, but the invitation is very spur of the moment, something that just escapes his lips before he can really think about what he’s saying.

“Sure.” You agree reluctantly, not quite believing that he’s implying that he wants to hang out with you more.

In his head, he’s screaming at himself. He just casually asked you out. He just casually asked you out?!

“If you don’t sing,” he says, trying to move on from what he just did, “then, do you dance?” “A little,” you respond hesitantly. “I taught myself some just in case.”

“Wait, really?” He exclaims, surprised. “I can’t dance at all.” “Anyone can dance if they practice enough. Besides, how are you going to dance with your date at prom if you don’t learn?” He doesn’t respond right away, so you swallow hard. “Assuming you’re going?” “I’m going!” He says quickly, making you relax slightly. “I just don’t have a date.” “You don’t?” You ask tentatively, unsure of how sensitive the topic is for him.

“Yeah. It’s whatever. But even Jisung got a date! I’m gonna have to third-wheel all night.” You laugh softly at his response.

“I feel that. I don’t have one either and I know Ryujin and her boyfriend are going to be all over each other. I’m going to try my best not to look.” When you say that you don’t have a date, he looks up at you, surprised.

“You don’t have a date? Really?” “What do you mean, really? Is it that surprising?” You quirk an eyebrow at him, confused.

“Yeah, I mean, you’re one of the smartest girls in our class and you’re cute. Why…?” You flush at his compliments. He really sees you like that?

Once again, he’s internally screaming at how casually he’s saying things to you today. He’s also far too relieved by the fact that you don’t have a date to prom.

“I- I guess I just… don’t talk to guys a lot?” You squeak out. “Why don’t you have a date?”

“There was no one I wanted to ask,” he huffs, crossing his arms before he echoes your words. “Is it that surprising?”

“To be honest, yeah,” you say, your filter suddenly gone, “you’re cute and popular and you’re good at what you do, so…” Silence hangs somewhat heavily between the two of you as you blush at each other, contemplating what could come next.

“Do you want to-”

“Maybe you and I-”

You start to speak at the same time and stop. “You go first,” you say. “No, you.” He responds. Smiles slowly creep onto your faces before you both start laughing, eliminating the tension in the air. After your laughter dies, you smile at him again.

“We should probably finish this stupid lab report.”

He nods. “Yeah, probably. Do you want to watch High School Musical after we’re done?”

You agree and get back to work. As you finish the assignment and sit on your bed with him, watching the movie, you try to ignore the fact that Zhong Chenle called you cute and that you called him cute back. You definitely try to ignore the fact that you almost asked him to be your date to prom when you’d only had like two conversations with him and the dance itself is in two days. However, you try the hardest to ignore the way that the two of you had just clicked when you were talking and how sitting next to him, watching your shared favorite movie under mounds of your pillows and blankets, feels so natural, too natural.

You try to ignore how your heart beats faster when you talk to him and he excitedly talks back to you during biology, or when you meet eyes with him across the cafeteria and he smiles at you.

But, no matter how hard you try, you can’t ignore the reemerging feelings. As you’re getting your hair and makeup done, you can’t help but wonder what he’ll think when, or if, he sees you at the dance. You can’t help but wonder if he was messing with you when he said he didn’t have a date, or if you were getting your hopes too high up that maybe he had been about to ask the same question to you as you were to him when you were studying together, or if you would even see him at all.

Ryujin snaps you out of it by literally snapping her fingers in front of your face, jolting you out of your thoughts. “Hey, today is a happy day! I can see those gears turning in your head and I’m telling you to turn them off and enjoy yourself for once. This is prom! You’re going to have fun whether you like it or not and I’ll make sure of that!”

“This is why you’re my best friend,” you say, hugging her, “thank you.”

“That’s what I’m here for,” she says, lighting up again. “Now, let’s get you into that dress.”

On the other side of town, Chenle is fretting about nearly the same thing as you, but a bit more vocally.

“What if she’s just being nice? What if she doesn’t actually think I’m cute? What if she doesn’t want to dance with me because I told her I’m not good at it? What if-” “Please, please stop,” Jisung whines, sick of hearing his friend complain about this girl for hours. He aggressively adjusts his tie, manhandling it into the right place as he speaks. “Just ask her to dance later. It’s not hard. You’re supposed to be the confident one, so just do it!”

“She’s too cute. I won’t be able to handle seeing her today.”

“You’ll be fine. Just try to have a good time.”

For the nth time, he has to agree with Jisung, even if it’s quite as romantic of an outlook.

When you step out of the relatively nice car that Ryujin’s boyfriend is driving, you feel like a princess. Even though you don’t have a prince of your own yet and you had been moping not three hours before, you find that the venue is dazzling. Pretty fake-crystal decorations are draped around lights and everything is adorned with off-white cloth that falls beautifully, like tiny waterfalls of fabric. Your best friend gasps when she gets out of the car, grabbing onto your arm and pointing at the various pretty things all around. After she is done with her initial shock, she reaches out, grabbing her date’s hand and dragging him along with her, with you trailing behind.

To your sadness, you don’t spot Chenle until everyone is sitting at their tables, eating the nice dinner that your school had catered for you. You can only see the back of his head and shoulders, his hair seeming to be neatly styled and a tuxedo replacing his usual casual outfit. You forget about him for a while as you eat and chat with your friends, sending compliments to everyone at your table. When the dancing starts, you have a decent time standing in a circle with your friends, making a fool of yourself with your silly dance moves under the disco ball and colorful moving lights setup, and having more fun than you had expected. Then, the first slow dance starts and you awkwardly step off the dance floor with all of the other single people, standing back and watching people dance.

Except, as you step off, someone taps on your shoulder.

You turn around and find Chenle, no date in sight, just like he had said. His eyes are wide when he looks at you, staring at your whole getup. “You look really pretty.”

“Thanks,” you say, grinning up at him. “You look handsome.”

Your gaze travels over his outfit, stopping at his tie, and you freeze. The two of you seem to realize at the same time. Your dress, a long, sweeping gown with ample lace and sparkle, is the same shade of turquoise blue as his silk, patterned tie.

“I guess this means something, right?” He looks at you, meeting your eyes earnestly. “You don’t have a date, I don’t have a date, but we somehow ended up matching anyways. Even though I’m not good at it, do you-”

“-want to dance? Yes.” He takes your hand, pulling you onto the dance floor.

For the first time in your life, you feel like you’re a part of a story, dancing at prom in one of your cheesy high school romance novels or movies. You’re Gabriella and he’s Troy and you couldn’t be happier just swaying with him, avoiding complicated steps and just enjoying each other’s slightly clumsy but entirely heartfelt moves.

After the song ends, you escape with him to a quieter part of the venue, chatting with him for what seems like hours about anything and everything that comes to mind, only occasionally going back in to dance sometimes. At some point, while you’re outside the main room with him, Ryujin passes you on her way to the bathroom, making a face at you, and you know you’re going to be getting some sort of scolding later. Chenle laughs his cute, squeaky laugh as you pull a face back at her. You think a few people from your grade who pass you are confused when they see you together, wearing a matching dress and tie, but you find it in you to not care.

But, the night has to come to a close at some point, and you reluctantly say goodbye to him when Ryujin sends you a whiny text that she wants to go home. The magic doesn’t leave as you go to her house for a small after party, featuring a movie that you both fall asleep to after you take your makeup off and change into more comfortable clothes.

When you wake up, your feet ache from the heels you wore the night before, and the pain is the little evidence you have to prove that the night actually happened. You hope with all your heart that the night meant as much to you as it did to Chenle and your heart slowly sinks as you check your phone, finding no notifications from him.

Then, while you’re eating breakfast with Ryujin, you see it.

Chenle: Since we just did something you’re good at and you agreed to it earlier, karaoke some time?

#nct fluff #chenle fluff #neowritingsnet #nct dream fluff #nct high school au #nct prom au #wonjaekook #hmm.... i feel like i didn't give myself enough time to really develop anything in this fic #but hopefully it doesn't read that way and i'm just being too harsh on myself #but please enjoy this fluff piece after the last super angsty one!!

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ladyhistorypod · 4 years

Text

Episode 19: She Blinded Me with Science

Sources

Jocelyn Bell-Burnell

PhysCon

Star Child – NASA

NPR

Reflections on women in science -- diversity and discomfort Ted Talk (YouTube)

We are made of star stuff Ted Talk (YouTube)

Dame Jocelyn Bell Burnell describes the discovery of pulsars (YouTube)

Concepción Mendizábal Mendoza

People Pill

México Desconocido (Mexico Discovered)

She Builds Podcast

Instituto de Investigaciones (Investigations Institute)

CAPSULA DEDICADA A LA ING. CONCEPCIÓN MENDIZABAL (Capsule dedicated to Concepción Mendizabal, YouTube)

Seattle Times

Further Learning: Nuestras Voces (Our Voices)

Rosalind Franklin

US National Library of Medicine

SDSC

National Geographic

Further Learning: PBS NOVA

Click below for a transcript of this episode!

Archival Audio: “There’s something else. When you and Jack were little and wanted to know what made it rain, what made the telephone work, whom did you ask? Not dad. He was at work. But I didn't learn about science in school. I had to dig out the encyclopedia later to satisfy you. So you see, women need to know as much about science as some men do.” Haley: Lady History made me smarter. So my dad and I were watching Jeopardy, and I can't tell you when this was but Alex Trebek was in it and also I don't think the new season came out but I digress. It's the final question where you have to like write it down and it's like this whole very awkwardly put question about like French history and it was like who did she– like she murdered X, Y, and Z who is this. And my dad’s like Joan of Arc and I was like no, Charlotte Corday. And he said “how did you know” and I was like “honestly dad this is like a ninety five percent like balls to the wall guess, but I'm gonna say Charlotte Corday” and it was Charlotte Corday and I was just sitting there like haha! Because my dad– I think I spoke about this I think it was with like Erin– that my dad, the way we would get like our allowance was through… Alana: Riddles and trivia questions. Haley: Yeah. So he's still on that like this whole– Lexi: You still get allowance? Haley: No no no no. Lexi: Oh. I was like wow, okay. Haley: No. I still– I don't get allowance, I wish. The way that we like we just spend the holidays was either playing Codenames, which is like a fun fun board game, everyone should just play it, and then doing crossword puzzles. New York Times comes out with these like questions from the news… like it's ten– usually ten questions, or for the new year they did like thirty questions. So his thing will be like everyone has to answer the New York Times, and he won't give out the answers until we've all done it just to see like who's the smartest of the week. And I've only got like the smartest of the week once. Alana: Nice. Haley: To be fair, they watch the news everyday and I do not. I use like my like news app to get like notifications and if I go on some sort of site, that's how I get the news. I'm awful, no one like model after me. But Jeopardy came in clutch just because of this podcast. My dad was like “oh so the podcast like is actually like helping education, growth” and I was like… Alana: Yes! Haley: Yaaaas. Thank you. He also said we have a cool logo. Alana: Um, shout out to Alexia Ibarra, you can find her on Twitter and Instagram at LexiBDraws. Lexi: So we've proven that the show's educational. Haley: Yes. Lexi: We now can continue that claim. Haley: Yes. Alana: We knew the show was educational. Lexi: Although, is it only educating us? Haley: I have faith we have listeners. Hi listeners. Alana: Hi listeners. To be fair, we’re kind of the primary… like we can see our reactions to the podcast the most. Lexi: Hey, listeners. Are you there, it's me Margaret. [INTRO MUSIC] Alana: Hello and welcome to Lady History; the good, the bad, and the ugly lady you missed in history class. I'm not sure how she ended up always being first introduced, Lexi. Lexi, what's your favorite science? Lexi: I should probably say like astrophysics or something because I'm currently interning at the Air and Space Museum, but that would be a lie because my favorite science is probably like earth science, environmental science would be my real favorite science. Alana: That means next up is Haley. Haley, what's your least favorite science? Haley: Physics. Hard core physics. Alana: I really wanted you to say astrophysics. Haley: I was about to, but like I will forever say physics just because I have a really hard time with numbers and letters being in the same math groups. Alana: And I'm Alana and as a child I went to science camp for upwards of five years. Haley: Okay, so my question is did y’all ever learn about like the history of science in class? Because I don't remember, especially I was thinking about this for twentieth century like STEM women because that's our theme. And I realized like I conceptually like didn't realize like what happened in the twentieth century, even though I know it's like the nineteen hundreds that's the twentieth century. But realizing that like my history class didn't really go through that. Like I had no concept of like people from the twentieth century doing impacts of science. Lexi: We didn’t learn about it in history class, we learned about in science class. Haley: Yeah, in my science class I can't pull from it I can’t– Alana: I had– I forget who the author is, but I met him at a Politics and Prose event– when I was in my tenth grade chemistry class, we had reading from a book called The Disappearing Spoon, which was like the discovery, the history of the discovery of a bunch of elements which was really cool and so that was like kind of our history of science thing, that was fun. Also Crash Course recently did a history of science. Haley: Yes, that’s why I loved it. Yes. So, Crash Course– Hank and John Green, hello. Alana: Hello. Hank? Lexi: it wouldn’t be an episode without a Green brothers reference. Haley: I truly was trying to like figure out a way that wouldn't bring them up with this question. Alana: I literally was like… you said history of science and I was like Crash Course. Crash Course. Crash Course! Haley: That's how I got into like not just like forensics and like history of like science and history. But they were the ones that made like science fun for me in high school. And then I got hooked on their history, and then it was college where it was like you can study history, medicine, and bones! Congrats, Haley, here it is! But like in my high school curriculum nothing like twentieth century history and or science was like… science was not a thing. We just were still learning basic cells. Like I just remember every year, come January, we were fucking learning what a cell was. And it's like, okay, mitochondria– Lexi: You were talking about biological cells every year in school? Haley: I don't know why, but like at least two years in high school because I was in like the intro to bio and then chemistry even we talked about like cells because it was biochemistry as a unit. And then I took AP bio junior year and then for forensics she brought up cells because of like blood cells and everything. Lexi: I mean, cells are important. Haley: Yeah, cells are important. Alana: Do you remember Punnett squares? Lexi: Yeah, I love Punnett squares. Alana: Those are my favorite. Lexi: Genetic science is actually my favorite science. And it's my mom's favorite science, my mom was actually a biology major. Haley: Low key… Lexi: Because she loved Punnett squares. Haley: I thought like something was wrong with me, like I had a terrible genetic mutation because I could not tell the difference between a capital P. and lowercase P.. Archival Audio: Is astronomy a significantly more inviting field for women today than it was thirty years ago? Jocelyn Bell-Burnell: Yes, I believe it is and I believe it's getting better all the time. We are becoming more conscious of the differences between men and women– the different ways they work, and the contribution of women is becoming more and more recognized. It's still got a bit to go, but it's coming along very nicely. Lexi: On July 15th, 1943, Dame Jocelyn Bell-Burnell was born near Lurgan, Northern Ireland. As a young girl, she encountered astronomy through her father’s extensive book collection. Her family, who knew educating girls was important, encouraged her to explore her interest in the subject. She received support in her studies from the staff of the Armagh Observatory, which was near her home. When Jocelyn was attending preparatory school, only boys were permitted to study science. In a TEDx Talk from 2013, Jocelyn recounted being separated from her male peers and assuming it was for physical education, but it turned out the girls were being sent to the “home economics” class while the boys were being sent to science class. Of course, she went home and told her parents. And her parents, who as I mentioned before, believed girls should be educated just like boys, were angry to hear that the school did not allow girls to participate in science class. So along with the parents of two other girls at the school, Jocelyn’s parents fought for her right to study science. The three girls were moved into the science class, but being the only girls in class was not easy. The teacher kept a close eye on the girls. So it was hard for them to overcome being the only girls in that class. But, Jocelyn received the highest score on her science final at the end of that term. She did it, she passed all the boys, and got the highest score despite being disadvantaged by being one of the only girls and by them trying to keep her out of that class. Jocelyn went on to study at the University of Glasgow, where she earned a degree in Physics. She graduated in 1965, and went on to pursue her doctorate at Cambridge. Jocelyn worked with her advisor Antony Hewish to study the mysteries of space. And she assisted in the construction of a radio telescope, which would be used to track quasars, which are large celestial bodies and there’s like a lot more science that makes them… It’s a deep science thing… deep astrophysics. Again, astrophysics is complicated and too big brain for me. But they’re things in space. And when the telescope was ready to operate, Jocelyn was assigned to operate it and analyze the results it produced. And this was like way before computers as we know them today, so the telescope actually printed its results out on a big chart and then she would look at the chart as it was printing out and analyze it that way. Jocelyn began to notice strange results on the charts produced by the telescope, which were faster than those typical of the quasars. Jocelyn did not know it yet, but she had discovered the first evidence of pulsars, highly magnetized rotating compact stars, which are different than the previously mentioned celestial bodies. At first, Jocelyn and her advisor were suspicious that the signals may have been signs of alien life, so they nicknamed them “little green men” signals. A year later, her findings were published in an academic journal. As scientists around the world began to investigate the signals further, they were able to identify them as coming from the stars that I mentioned. And the term pulsar was applied to this type of signal. The press, upon finding out that the discovery had been made by an attractive, young, female graduate student, pounced on the story, of course. But instead of asking her about her scientific studies and the research she was doing, they pestered her with questions about her appearance like “what’s your waist size” so we love that. In 1968, Jocelyn earned her doctorate. That same year she was married, and unfortunately spent much of her marriage focused on her husband’s career rather than her own, moving place to place as he moved place to place. In 1974, her advisor was awarded the Nobel Prize in Physics for Jocelyn’s contributions to the discovery of pulsars. Alana is raging in the background. After her marriage ended and her son had grown up and gone off to live on his own, she went back to pursuing her own passions. She went on to teach with the goal of making science welcoming and accessible to all students, regardless of gender, class, or race. She became a professor at the Open University, a non-traditional college that allows students to take courses at their own pace, and she was appointed as the chair of physics. Her appointment made her one of only two female physics professors in the United Kingdom, so she joked that they had doubled the number of physics professors that were women in the country, so that’s a little sad, but you know… at least there’s two. In 1999, Jocelyn was interviewed for NASA’s StarChild program, which I believe is now defunct but it was an educational program in the 90s, and you can hear some great audio clips of her answering interview questions on the StarChild website which I will link in the show notes. And Jocelyn has also given several TED and TEDx talks, one of which is about women in science and what it’s like to be a woman in science. And I used it as a source so that will also be linked in the show notes. You can find that there if you’re interested– in the further learning. And I will leave you with a quote from her 2013 TED talk which I thought really summed up her experience, “Those of us who've been early in a field have often had to… play the male game. And I hate to think what a lifetime of doing that has actually done to me.” She should have won the Nobel Prize but they gave it to the guy who was her advisor instead, even though she actually made all the discoveries. And her accent’s adorable. Alana: Is she still alive? Lexi: Yeah, she’s 77. Alana: I’m not good at math. Lexi: She’ll be 78 this year. Alana: She’s a Cancer you didn’t point that out. Lexi: You’re– that’s your thing. Haley: Concepción Mendizábal Mendoza. I definitely pronounced her middle name incorrectly, I am so sorry. The Z-A with un acento on top of the A always messes me up for some reason. My little lisp comes back. But Concepción is how I’m gonna refer to her. Actually I think it means conception in Spanish, so like that's fun. Here's my little side note read this: my Spanish is declining because my mom is Cuban, therefore my Spanish came from my grandparents so when they died I never had that continuous we talk every single week every… sometimes like every single day, and I'd be speaking Spanish so in those like six years I have not spoken Spanish. I’ve read it and translated it for various projects, however, pronunciation is difficult, apparently. And that also comes in with our gal, coming from Mexico City, a lot of like the publications and references are coming from Mexico, so it took me like ten plus hours because then I was like trying to see what resource was a blog or what resource was like an actual resource and then I found some YouTube and some podcasts. But again, don't stop researching someone even if they come from a different country and you have a hard time like researching. It was still fun. I knew her from like a book of like STEM– she's an engineer, we'll get into it, don't worry. Just sit back and relaxing. It was fun reading in Spanish honestly. My Google translate kept popping up, but some of the Google translates for like the scientific terms were just no Bueno and also with how they like conjugated her name of being conception didn't look great sometimes. But that's Google Translate’s problem. So her being an engineer is rad in itself, but she's Mexico's first female to earn a civil engineering degree, so snaps for that. Ahora abramos nuestro libro de historia! I practiced that five times in the mirror even though I knew how to say all those– Lexi’s cracking up, I just wanted to do a good job. I have a big fear about speaking Spanish even though I'm technically fluent. Alana: It made me smile. I thought it was cute. Haley: So Concepción, with her upbringing, it was written in the stars if you will because she was the daughter of the famous engineer Joaquín de Mendizábal y Tamborrel and growing up she was motivated to study. And like one article described her as like her life being a little sheltered? Honestly I think that… that was just like me translating because it did use the word– literally translated sheltered, but it's noted that like her father was an engineer motivating her as well to study. And again being like the first woman engineer, yeah your life was probably a little sheltered in Mexico City where like no other females were studying the same thing in a sense. And in school– and for orienting ourselves in the timeline– it's 1913 to 1917, and her… she had her like basic education at la Normal para Maestras de la capital which is the normal for teachers in the capital. That's like the crude translation. And then she was enrolled into a higher level math in another school, the Escuela de Altos Estudios– which is the school for higher education essentially– and she was one of four women at that school. And this gets a little dicey because not only did she stand out for like being that sparkly fish in the pond, being one of four women, but she was able to tackle difficult civil engineering courses, finishing them without failure. And moving forward a little bit to 1922, she attended Palacio de Minería which is the Palace of Mines and Mining, which is now a museum actually. So it was first built as a space for the Royal School of Mines and Mining, like the royal court there, and then changed to the school for engineering, mines, and physics. However, it's now a museum. Like I said, it kind of gets dicey around the 1913/1917 when she’s taking classes and now we’re a few years later in the 1921s, where she got into the school in the sense that she… she was there listening to classes; however, not fully enrolled until 1926 because she didn't have the high school certificate yet. But again, she passed with flying colors because obviously. And she passed the engineering exam on February 11, 1930 and quick side note because some of y'all are screaming at me saying that she was not the first woman to get a civil engineering degree in like Mexico. There is contention, because around like 1930ish– before, because 1930ish was when Concepción Mendizábal got her degree, so her being the first at 1930. There's another woman who apparently went to the engineering school before her, but from the end result of my snooping, there was no other registered woman at the school between 1792 and 1909, and then also no other like registered woman to have graduated. At this point, it's Concepción because she graduated, and she was the first woman to graduate. She wrote down a lot through her education and post education, and it’s Memorias Prácticas, which is practical memories. And literally what I'm thinking of practical memories is books and notes. Again with my research it's very much scattered of translating from what I deemed as the best resources coming from Mexico. Please give me more research sources, let me learn more about this gal. So practical memories, I'm guessing are just like her books and notes and they're still in the Palacio de Minería or the Palace of Mines and Mining, again, which is now a museum. So I thought that was like really cool how like her school like recognized that she was just like such a beautiful mind and like so great and talented that they've kept all her stuff. I really want to see it. The Palace of Mines and Mining is not a great website, so I couldn't like go through their collections and actually see it. Maybe one day I'll make it down to Mexico City. And in 1974 she received the Premio Ruth Rivera which is the Ruth Rivera Prize which goes to the best woman in engineering and architecture, which I thought was like really cool because she like continued– she didn’t go after school and like settle down like none of what I read was like her settling down with like a husband and kids, it was all like concretely what she did for engineering. So post her getting the prize and just also she died in 1985, just up to her death she was still working. She wrote a lot. She was the author of like a fifty two volume book– she just knew how to conceptualize or kind of put a lot of hard engineering concepts into writing and into paper which is a really hard thing to do. And the fact that I obviously couldn't see many of them… I tried, maybe I was looking in the wrong places. But I just wanted to see if there was more for like the engineering mind, or if she wrote some things for us as non engineers to read them. Kind of like what Hank Green does. Because that's what interests me. I love when people take what they're like very very good at, especially when it's like a hard science and dwindle it down for people not in that field. Alana: That's what we do. We’re trying to make our knowledge more accessible. At least that's what I feel like we're doing. Lexi: That's what we're trying to do. Alana: That’s why we interrupt each other to be like Hey… Haley: Yeah. Alana: What is that? Lexi: Hey, explain more in depth that thing… Alana: ...that we all kind of understand, but yeah just in case. Alana: So. I'm going to start off my story here with a joke that you might know, you might have seen, that joke is… What did Watson and Crick discover? Haley: Absolutely nothing. Alana: Rosalind Franklin's notes. Haley: Gold. Alana: Thank you. It’s not mine, but I really like that. Lexi: Exquisite. Alana: Thank you. If I do a bad job– just like a heads up if I do a bad job explaining the science part of this, I'm sorry. Lexi doesn't speak Chinese, I don't speak science. That's just how it is. So Rosalind Franklin was born July 25, 1920, a Leo, in London, England to a prominent Jewish family… and I'm having an identity crisis because I think I was born into a prominent Jewish family? Anyway. I should talk to my mom about that. She attended Saint Paul’s School for Girls which focused on women getting degrees other than their M. R. S.. Haley: What’s an MRS? Alana: Oh, I was waiting for a laugh at my joke and Lexi snapped but I didn't get an audible laugh. M R– your MRS degree is Mrs degree… you know… Haley: Oh my God I just got that! Lexi: Wait, I thought you were like playing dumb. You’ve never heard that? Alana: You've never heard MRS degree? Haley: No. Alana: It’s my favorite thing. It's like why women in… Like it was this phenomenon of women in the forties and fifties going to college… Lexi: Yeah. Alana: … to meet their husbands. Lexi: To meet men. Haley: Ring before the spring, I know that one. Lexi: I’ve never heard ring before the spring but I have heard MRS degree. Alana: MRS degree! Haley: So dumb. Alana: I think they make that joke in Grease. Haley: It has the same letters as… Alana: MRS degree. I was waiting for a laugh because I– Lexi: Your Master’s in being married to a man. Alana: The MRS– I love that joke, it’s my favorite joke. I think it's so funny. We can dive into why I think that's so funny in therapy. But I have more pressing issues for therapy. So Rosalind was very good at math and science and also languages. She left St Paul's a year early to go to Newnham College which is part of Cambridge University and was one of only two all women colleges at Cambridge. She graduated in 1941. I'm going to summarize the rest of her academic work so that we can get to the good stuff. She earned her PhD in physical chemistry from Cambridge in 1945 after studying the microstructures of carbon and graphite at the British Coal Utilization Research Association where she had done research during World War II. Instead of going into the kind of war work that other women were doing during the war she was doing war-oriented research on carbon and graphite which was more what she was interested in doing the science-y stuff and not like building weapons which was another important part of women’s work in World War II but we're not talking about women in World War II even though I have a lot of feelings about that. In 1947 she started working at a lab in Paris, the name of which I'm not even gonna try to pronounce where she learned how to analyze carbons with x-ray crystallography which is sometimes called x-ray diffraction analysis. I'm sorry I can't explain more about what that is, it's just what it's called. You use X-rays to– Lexi: If you tried to explain it I wouldn't understand the explanation. Alana: But maybe… Maybe our listeners will understand and can help explain to me what X-ray crystallography slash diffraction is. Let us know. Write in. A friend of hers, Charles Coulson, suggested, “hey what if you did this, but make it larger biological molecules.” So she took over a project at King's College in London from a scientist named John Randall using X-ray diffraction to take pictures of DNA molecules. This is where Rosalind crosses paths with Maurice Wilkins, who is the first villain of our story. He’s not actually a villain, he's just kind of a chauvinist and annoying. I'm just being dramatic, as usual. Maurice Wilkins thought that our dear Rosalind was just a lab assistant when in actual fact she was conducting her own research. One of my sources was like “this is understandable given the university's attitude towards women at the time.” It's not an excuse. That's not an excuse. You suck. Period. Anyway, so. The specific note that Watson and Crick discovered was a photograph called Photo 51. I can't find any copyright free images of it, but if you go to our show notes… which will be at ladyhistorypod dot tumblr dot com… under further learning there's a PBS website where you can learn more about the photo specifically and see it. The point is it's a very clear photograph of a DNA molecule where you can kind of pretty clearly see the double helix structure, which is like a twisted ladder. It really was only a hop, skip, and a jump for people to figure out that, using this photo, the structure of DNA was the double helix which is like a twisted ladder if you don't know. Maurice Wilkins showed this picture to James Watson and Francis Crick who were also doing DNA research without Rosalind's knowledge or permission. Frustration noises! I'm so angry about this. So Watson and Crick beat Rosalind Franklin to the punch publishing their research even though they were really publishing Rosalind's research. It's like if they were doing a 200 piece puzzle and Rosalind had put in 198 of the pieces, but Watson and Crick came in and put down the last two and were like “look we did a puzzle!” I almost knocked my headphones out I was so angry. Oops. Lexi: It's like when my mom makes dinner but then my grandma takes it out of the oven and she tells my dad that she made dinner. Alana: Yeah pretty much. Rosalind left King's College– I wonder why– for Birkbeck College where she did some X-ray diffraction work with the tobacco mosaic virus– which as far as I can tell only infects plants– as well as the polio virus, specifically on their structure. Rosalind Franklin died of ovarian cancer in 1958 at the age of 37. Four years later, Watson and Crick were awarded the Nobel Prize, which Rosalind would not have been eligible for anyway– I guess– because they don't nominate or award posthumously, but still really annoying. Anyway, Rosalind Franklin, she's really cool, she deserved better. I love her very much, my girl. Even though I have no idea– what she… like I know what she did but I don’t understand how. Lexi: You know it's absurdly easy to nominate someone for a Nobel Prize. Alana: It is absurdly easy to nominate someone for a Nobel Prize. And the research was published before she died, so maybe just be like “hey–” Lexi: It's even easier today. I mean I can't speak for back then, but literally there's a form on a website you fill out. So like someone could have done it before she died. Like I said, they did not have the website back then. But it's not easy today… Alana: Yeah. Lexi: There was like… easier then too. Alana: So that's really annoying to me. They couldn't even be like “hey, you know Rosalind Franklin actually took this picture, and that really helped us.” Lexi: Just like what happened with my lady. Alana: Yeah. Lexi: Her supervisor could be like “actually my grad student really did all the grunt work on this,” you know. Alana: It's not like Rosalind was even a grad student though. Like she had a PhD and was doing this research. Lexi: Yeah, it’s just women in science get real… What all women in science, regardless of… the situation. Haley: And this wasn't that long ago. Alana: This wasn’t that long ago! Lexi: We’re talking about the 20th century. Alana: We’re talking about the 20th century, it’s the 21st century. My grandfather was born in 1927 and he's still alive. And Rosalind was born in… Lexi: The woman I talked about is younger than my grandmother, yeah. Alana: They're all still here, there’s still work we gotta do on being more welcoming to people of non male genders just in general. Haley: There’s just work we have to do as human beings just all across the board. Alana: In science fields and ever. Ever where. Lexi: You can find this podcast on Twitter and Instagram at LadyHistoryPod. Our show notes and a transcript of this episode will be on ladyhistorypod dot tumblr dot com. If you like the show, leave us a review, or tell your friends, and if you don't like the show, keep it to yourself. Alana: Our logo is by Alexia Ibarra you can find her on Twitter and Instagram at LexiBDraws. Our theme music is by me, GarageBand, and Amelia Earhart. Lexi is doing the editing. You will not see us, and we will not see you, but you will hear us, next time, on Lady History. Haley: Next week on Lady History; she will be the history. We're talking about some modern gals and their impact on our lives. Really we’ll be fangirling a lot. I'm excited, are you excited? Of course you are. Lexi: It's called “Tomorrow She’ll Be History'' if that inspires anything. Haley: That's what I was gonna do. I was just gonna repeat the title and see what else comes out of my mouth. Lexi: Yes I love when… I love when you like mouth– mouth vom. Word vom. Normal vom is mouth vom. But… mouth vom.

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more gud personal statements (from medical students but still)

Sample Essay 1 In the sweating discomfort of the summertime heat, I walked through Philadelphia International Airport with several overweight bags, tired eyes, and a bad case of Shigella. Approaching Customs, I noticed the intensity and seriousness on the faces of the customs officers whose responsibility were to check passports and question passengers. As I moved closer to the front of the line, I noticed someone reading a foreign newspaper. The man was reading about the Middle Eastern conflict, a clash fueled by religious intolerance. What a sharp contrast to Ghana, I thought. I had just spent three weeks in Ghana. While there I worked, studied their religions, ate their food, traveled and contracted malaria. Despite all of Ghana’s economic hardships, the blending of Christianity, Islam, and traditional religion did not affect the health of the country. When I reached the front of the line, the customs officer glanced at my backpack and with authoritative curiosity asked me, “What are you studying?” I responded in a fatigued, yet polite voice, “Religious studies with a pre-med track.” Surprised, the officer replied rhetorically, “Science and religion, interesting, how does that work?” This was not the first time I had encountered the bewildered facial expression or this doubtful rhetorical question. I took a moment to think and process the question and answered, “With balance.” Throughout my young life I have made an effort to be well-rounded, improve in all facets of my personal life, and find a balance between my personal interests and my social responsibility. In my quest to understand where I fit into society, I used service to provide a link between science and my faith. Science and religion are fundamentally different; science is governed by the ability to provide evidence to prove the truth while religion’s truth is grounded on the concept of faith. Physicians are constantly balancing the reality of a person’s humanity and the illness in which they are caring for. The physicians I have found to be most memorable and effective were those who were equally as sensitive and perceptive of my spirits as they were of my symptoms. Therefore, my desire to become a physician has always been validated, not contradicted by my belief system. In serving, a person must sacrifice and give altruistically. When one serves they sacrifice their self for others benefit. Being a servant is characterized by leading by 3 example and striving to be an advocate for equity. As a seventh grade math and science teacher in the Philadelphia public school system, everyday is about sacrifice and service. I sacrifice my time before, during and after-school; tutoring, mentoring and coaching my students. I serve with vigor and purpose so that my students can have opportunities that many students from similar backgrounds do not have. However, without a balance my effectiveness as a teacher is compromised. In February, I was hospitalized twice for a series of asthma attacks. Although I had been diagnosed with asthma, I had not had an attack since I was in middle school. Consequently, the physicians attributed my attacks to high stress, lack of sleep, and poor eating habits. It had become clear to me that my unrelenting drive to provide my students with a sound math and science education without properly balancing teaching and my personal life negatively impacted my ability to serve my students. I believe this experience taught me a lesson that will prove to be invaluable as a physician. Establishing an equilibrium between my service and my personal life as a physician will allow me to remain connected to the human experience; thus enabling me to serve my patients with more compassion and effectiveness. Throughout my travels and experiences I have seen the unfortunate consequences of not having equitable, quality health care both domestically and abroad. While many take having good health for granted, the financial, emotional, mental, and physical effects illnesses have on individuals and families can have a profound affect on them and the greater society. Illness marks a point in many people’s lives where they are most vulnerable, thus making a patient’s faith and health care providers vital to their healing process. My pursuit to blend the roles of science and religion formulate my firm belief that health care providers are caretakers of God’s children and have a responsibility to all of humanity. Nevertheless, I realize my effectiveness and success as a physician will be predicated mostly on my ability to harmonize my ambition with my purpose. Therefore, I will always answer bewildered looks with the assurance that my faith and my abilities will allow me to serve my patients and achieve what I have always strived for and firmly believe in, balance. 4 Sample Essay 2 “911 operator, what’s your emergency?” “My friend has just been shot and he is not moving!” “Is he breathing?” “I don't think so!” “Are you hurt?” “No.” “Stay there, the paramedics are on their way." On April 10th 2003, at approximately 11pm, my best friend Kevin and I, intending to see a movie, headed out my front door. We never made it to see a horror movie; but our night was nothing close to mundane, when we became innocent victims to gang crossfire. As we descended my front door stairs two gunshots were fired and one person fell to the floor. Kevin was shot! I vividly recall holding him in my arms, and while he lost blood I almost lost my mind. All I wanted was to help, but there was nothing I could do. At 1am that morning Kevin's family and I sat in the emergency waiting room at Brookdale Hospital in Brooklyn, hoping and praying that the chief surgeon would bring us good news. While this event started me on my quest to become a medical doctor, at that moment all I could envision was a life of despondency. According to author Jennifer Holloway, “tragedy is a substance which can ignite the soul.” When Kevin’s surgeon walked through the door of the emergency waiting room he did not have to say a word. Kevin’s family cried hysterically. I, on the other hand, could not cry. As fast as despondency had filled my heart, it was now gone; I was consumed by anger, frustration and motivation to change my life’s direction. The death of my best friend compelled me to pursue a career in medicine. This, I hope, will enable me to help save the lives that others try to take. In the fall of this event, I took my first biology and chemistry courses. By the end of the year I excelled as the top student in biology, received the Inorganic Chemistry Achievement Award and was encouraged to become a tutor in general biology and chemistry. Tutoring was a captivating experience for me. Questions raised by students challenged my understanding of scientific concepts and their application in patient care. To further develop my knowledge of medicine, I volunteered in the emergency department at Albert Einstein Hospital, in Bronx, NY. While shadowing doctors, I was introduced to triaging, patient diet monitoring and transitioning from diagnosis to treatment. This exposed me to some of the immense responsibilities of a doctor, but my 5 experience helping in the cancer ward was where I learned the necessity of humanity in a physician and how it can be used to treat patients. Peering through a window I saw Cynthia, a seven-year-old girl diagnosed with terminal cancer, laughing uncontrollably after watching her doctor make funny faces. For a moment not only did Cynthia forget that she was dying, but her smile expressed joy and the beauty of being alive. This taught me that a physician, in addition to being knowledgeable and courageous, should show compassion to patients. It also became clear to me that a patient’s emotional comfort is as important as their physical health, and are both factors that a physician considers while providing patient care. Although focused on medicine, I was introduced to research through the Louis Stokes Alliance for Minority Participation in Science. Here, I learned organic synthesis techniques, while working on a project to elucidate the chemical mechanisms of oxygenprotein binding and its relationships to anemia. I also received the United Negro College Fund/Merck Science Initiative Research Scholarship that allowed me to experience cutting edge research in Medicinal Chemistry, with a number of world-class scientists. At Merck Research Labs, I learned the fundamentals of synthesizing novel compounds for drug discovery, and we focused on treatments for cardiac atrial fibrillation. This internship changed my view of medication and their origins, and left me with a deep appreciation of the challenges of medicinal research. I also now understand that medical doctors and research scientists have similar responsibilities: to solve current and future health issues that we face. Despite the tragedy that brought me to the hospital on April 10th 2003, the smells, the residents and the organized chaos of the emergency room have become an integral part of a new chapter in my life. On the day that my friend lost his life I found my soul in medicine. Today as I move forward on the journey to become a physician I never lose sight of the ultimate goal; to turn the dying face of a best friend into the smiling glow of a patient, just like Cynthia’s. A patient’s sickness can be a result of many things. But with the right medications, a physician’s compassion and some luck, sickness can be overcome, and the patient helped. In time and with hard work it will be my privilege to possess the responsibilities of a physician in caring for life. 6 Sample Essay 3 On Wednesdays, I was the only visitor for Jorge, an elderly patient in the AIDS and Tropical Disease Ward at Carlos III Hospital in Madrid. A native of Equatorial Guinea, Jorge had full blown AIDS and had been living in Spain illegally because, according to Jorge, his country lacked enough resources and trained doctors to provide an adequate level of treatment. Over several weeks I witnessed his losing battle, not only with a terminal illness but also with cultural incongruence and a continual feeling of unease, thousands of miles away from home. Talking with Jorge during my experience as a volunteer for the NGO Soldarios Para el Desarollo in the fall of 2001, led me to question the justice of health care discrepancies that make it so difficult for people like Jorge to get sufficient treatment in underdeveloped nations. Jorge was a victim of health care inequality, a subject that has been at the forefront of my mind since enrolling in “Race and Medicine in America” during my sophomore year. The course revealed to me the historically poor distribution of quality medical attention and how treatment continually evades socio-economically disadvantaged communities. I came to understand how, in the US, a national shortage of physicians and unlikely prospects of financial gain have caused few doctors to take an interest in these communities, leaving a diminishing level of access to services and expertise. This unfortunate reality inspired me to take an interest in treating these populations, in hopes of helping to improve the care for our country’s poor and underserved. Jorge’s story broadened my perspective, as I further realized that this need is exponentially worse in developing nations. The combination of my studies and real world experience strengthened my desire to practice medicine focused on treating underserved populations, nationally and abroad. In pursuit of my goal, I sought additional exposure to medical conditions in the developing world. During the summer of 2002, I contributed to a public health research initiative in Ghana. My research on malaria infectivity in and around the capital city Accra sent me to shanty town communities with poor hygiene and chronic illness and gave me yet another perspective on the impact of economic disparity in health outcomes and treatment options. Exorbitant patient volume and endemic disease are but a few of the many obstacles to doctors serving these communities and trying to provide quality care. Despite theses difficulties, I witnessed skilled physicians in this setting performing complex procedures in substandard conditions. At the Komfo Ankye Teaching Hospital in 7 the urban village of Kumasi, I scrubbed-in during the removal of an osteosarcoma tumor from a man’s jaw and an ileostomy, where I saw a scalpel filling the role of an absent screwdriver and doctors working in a hot ward with minimal ventilation and only basic amenities. These resourceful doctors were still able to perform, reaffirming my expectation that despite complications, the addition of well-trained doctors can make a marked difference. I began to understand how, by taking my medical school training to such environments, I could serve as an intermediary - bringing first world knowledge into a thirdworld context. Since my time in Ghana, I have continued to participate to health care projects in poor communities. During the summer of 2003, I conducted research in an obstetrics ward of a public hospital in Sao Paulo, and the following fall participated in an infectious disease initiative that brought medical attention to impoverished suburbs of Lima, Peru. Most recently, I worked at a bilingual health clinic in Chicago serving a primarily Latino immigrant community. With each experience, I gained a deeper understanding of the complementary skills necessary to make a real difference. I have learned that medical knowledge, cultural understanding, and political savvy are critical components to a holistic approach to community health care and development, and are skills possessed by the most effective contributors to positive change. I continue to hone my language skills in anticipation of serving Spanish and Portuguese-speaking populations; and I am building an understanding of how to work in a complex funding environment and link medical treatment with public policy. I wish to pursue my medical training and a Master’s in Public Health, so that I can improve access to health care and serve as an effective physician. My desire to perform medical public service developed from concern and sympathy for people in need of medical care, most specifically those with the least access. I further recognize the importance such compassion plays in effective communication between doctors and their patients. It was my childhood doctor’s ability to convey understanding and elicit trust that inspired my initial interest in the medical field. He combined calm and compassion with medical expertise in a thorough form of healing that I grew to expect, but have infrequently witnessed in poor communities. As I strive to bring better health care to underserved populations, I hope to do so with the same personal care and attention that comforted me in my youth. 8 Sample Essay 4 Too young to volunteer in a hospital yet too old for summer camp, I was determined not to idle away my first summer as a high school student. Undaunted and striving to help my community, I inquired about our local nursing home. My grandmother refused to enter the brown building with me, unable to interact with residents who were ailing and terminally ill. With persistence, I toured the facility with my father and decided to volunteer. The residents who were so debilitated that they would never leave the care of the nursing home really moved me. It was amazing how the support of the medical staff and family members created an environment that allowed residents to live an enjoyable life. I will never forget one resident in his early thirties who was paralyzed from the waist down, unable to live as most young adults. I would run into him on the elevator almost daily. My encouraging words and energy as a young person often brightened his day, and in return made me feel very joyful to serve. It was quite extraordinary to know that such a small gesture could positively impact someone’s life. From reading stories to assisting the professional staff with exercise routines for the residents, the experiences I had there were life-changing. It was then that I realized that my life would be most fulfilled working directly to improve the lives of others as it relates to medicine. With a strong interest in clinical medicine, I continued my studies at the University of Maryland, Baltimore County (UMBC) as a biology major and a Meyerhoff scholar. I embarked on several projects within the disciplines of immunology, cell biology, genetics, and vascular biology. These research projects gave me an indescribable experience as a participant in the discovery process and newfound appreciation for biomedical research. I was ready to work in the hospital and wondered how various scientific discoveries were being used in medicine. To answer this question and gain first hand experience of life inside a busy hospital, I began volunteering in the shock trauma resuscitation unit at the University of Maryland Medical Center (UMMC) in Baltimore. On my first day as a volunteer, I was a bit nervous, unsure of what to expect. However, once I suited up and walked into the shock trauma room, I knew medicine was the profession I was meant to pursue. Through my work, I witnessed the 9 medical staff working tirelessly to stabilize and care for patients who had experienced car accidents, stabbings, and other forms of trauma. I will never forget walking into the shock trauma room to find a crying mother and grandmother as they saw their son and daughter severely injured from a car accident. As I looked into the next unit, there was a middle-aged woman who was recovering from a stab wound. Walking away from her unit, I could hear her call “Miss….Miss, can you help me?” I didn’t know what she wanted, but I quickly turned to talk with her. She wanted her food heated and the nurse’s assistance. Although I could not physically interact with her, I felt like a part of the medical team---working to ease suffering and serve those in pain. The most striking incident occurred one Saturday morning when I walked into the resuscitation unit and saw a pool of blood surrounding the rolling bed of one patient. The doctors and nurses tried everything possible to save his life. However, they were unsuccessful and he died. I watched the reactions of the staff as they silently covered his body and rolled it away. It was then that I realized that one day I would be in a position to save someone’s life. I immediately thought about the family of the deceased patient. Most importantly, I understood the important role that I must be prepared for in helping families deal with such a life tragedy. As I was walking back to the locker room, I started to reflect on the joy I got from volunteering in the hospital and mentoring community kids, combined with my passion for science. I knew at that moment that I would love working as a physician who could not only heal and alleviate pain, but who can educate and innovate. The opportunity to change even a fraction of the lives of those in a city or underserved country is quite amazing. With the untimely death of various community members due to the advanced stages of cancer and the higher incidence of human immunodeficiency virus infection in minority women, I am inspired to join the struggle against deadly diseases and sickness. As I continue to strive for more, I can remember a quote by author Anna Eleanor Roosevelt: “When you cease to make a contribution, you begin to die.” I not only want to treat patients in the clinical setting, but am driven to improve the treatment and diagnosis of life-altering diseases through public health research. Without reservation, this will be my contribution. 10 Sample Essay 5 The litter bearers burst through the triage area doors from the dusty Afghanistan night carrying three soldiers injured in an IED blast. The tent that housed the trauma bay hummed intensely yet somberly as the medical staff began evaluating the casualties. My trauma shears ripped through the soldier’s charred uniform while I performed an initial assessment of the casualty with the attending physician. Exposing the injuries, I found that the soldier was badly burned due to the blast. He was unconscious, suffering from a compromised airway and his skin was peppered with shrapnel. I attached monitoring equipment, started a peripheral line and began cleaning the burns that blanched the majority of the soldier’s upper body. Through the synchronized chaos of surgeons directing treatment, anesthetists intubating and nurses administering initial medications, I understood the fluid relationship between the levels of medical hierarchy. I became part of an intricate network of communication, and the demanding process of saving a life. Nothing has been more rewarding than serving my fellow soldiers and the local Afghan community during a year long deployment overseas. Working in a combat support hospital under personalized mentorship of a cardiothoracic, orthopaedic and general surgeon gave me the opportunity to learn about long and short term care, processes of diagnosis and proactive medical treatment in trauma situations. After serving in a combat zone I realized that a life is the most magnificent and powerful force in existence. It compels us to bridge language and cultural barriers, and it is the common denominator amongst all human beings. As a physician, my priority is the preservation of that which is most precious to us all. The impetus for pursing a career as a physician began during my involvement in the Minority Medical Education Program (MMEP) in the summer of 2001 at Yale University, where I participated in a rigorous eight week program that mirrored the experience of a first year medical student. The curriculum focused on writing and communication skills, medical ethics and core science knowledge. Additionally, the program encouraged team building, small group discussions about current medical developments and molding the future of healthcare. I received close mentorship from first through fourth year Yale medical students during the MMEP, as well as opportunities to shadow physicians in the New Haven Hospital emergency room, 11 oncology ward and cardiology department. The MMEP shaped my focus as a young student aspiring to inherit the future of medicine, and provided me with realistic expectations for my life long pursuit of medical knowledge. During the MMEP I found joy in the practical application of my undergraduate studies, as well as an appreciation for the dynamicity of my forthcoming medical education. The following summer I participated in the Infectious Diseases Undergraduate Research Program at the University of Iowa. Over an eight week period I studied trends of nosocomial versus community acquired Methicillin resistant Staphylococcus aureus (MSRA) infections at 140 statewide, long term care facilities. I used pulse field gel electrophoresis to categorize and group different strains of MSRA taken from patients at the different facilities and track patterns of prevalence. The summer long project added perspective to the obligations and responsibilities of being a physician. At the culmination of the eight weeks I understood the importance of medical research and the interdependency between the laboratory and clinical realms. I realized that it is critical to be immersed in medical literature and to foster an atmosphere that encourages aggressive medical research. I also learned that the term “medical community” signifies a constant discourse between the many facets of medicine. The commission of every physician is to juxtapose ideas, plans and research with the unified goal of improving the quality of life. Lastly, when I think of the role of a physician I am reminded of a quote by Robert Browning that states, “But a man’s reach should exceed his grasp.” The face of healthcare is constantly changing. The medical field needs professionals with imagination and vision. I will fill that necessity and I will provide the same quality of care that I desire to receive. It is my dream to serve humanity. 12 Sample Essay 6 I energetically clap my hands as we chant in unison, "Ooh, I feel so good, like, I knew I would... Ooh, I feel SO GOOD!" This has been our weekly ritual for the last three years: me in a circle of women prisoners at the Rhode Island Correctional Facility, all of us yelling at the top of our lungs while a Corrections Officer stands outside the door. As our chants reverberate off the empty walls, Cherry, a pregnant inmate who has been in this facility most of her adult life, takes the lead and we echo her moves. When I "go inside" I forget where I am; the women are eager to clip pictures for a collage, learn West African dance steps that I myself perform at Brown, or write poems on romance or motherhood. Enclosed by locks and patrolled by guards, I help inmates find a way to escape through artistic expression; their enthusiasm affirms the importance of my role as a facilitator of art and writing workshops with SPACE, Space in Prisons for Arts and Creative Expression. I, in turn, am humbled by the poems and artwork the women produce as the workshops provide a creative outlet to assert their unique stories. Sitting alone with forty unexamined boxes in the Brown University archives, I was reminded of my experiences with the SPACE program, and I began to appreciate the importance of having a medium for relaying untold stories. While researching the offpraised fifty-year-old cooperative between Brown University and Tougaloo College, a historically Black private school located in rural Mississippi, I examined the past through narrative, and I unearthed personal accounts outlining a history that had long been forgotten. One day, I found a letter with "To be read and destroyed" scribbled in the margin. The letter outlined Brown's role in the forced resignation of Tougaloo's president in 1964 for his support of the politically minded students at Tougaloo, who organized and led numerous demonstrations throughout Mississippi at the height of the Civil Rights Movement in America. Newspaper clippings detailed community outrage at the firing, while hand-written flyers rallied student groups to oppose the Brown-Tougaloo relationship through demonstrations. The research took me to the tiny Tougaloo archives and back to Brown to conduct oral history interviews. The work was instrumental in providing Brown-Tougaloo exchange participants the opportunity to challenge misconceptions of their experiences; the documents we collected are now available on a website about the Brown-Tougaloo relationship and the events of the Civil Rights movement. 13 : My visions for eliciting personal narrative are embodied in my approaches to healthcare. For four years, I conducted biomedical research on the underlying reasons for increased incidence and mortality rates of prostate cancer in African-American men; this first taught me the importance of evaluating economic, social, and cultural histories for the insight they offer in examining health. While personal narrative offers patients distinct voices for their stories, in serving the needs of the people, physicians are afforded the unique opportunity to mediate and then to validate those narratives, bridging personal stories with physical observations. This fusion of the social and corporeal has been reiterated in my experiences as a student conducting clinical health research both domestically and abroad I shrug, wiping the perspiration off the side of my face onto my sleeve. Our team has been working outside for almost three hours measuring fasting glucose levels, taking blood pressures, and calculating Body Mass Indexes for a rural family in modernizing Samoa. For many I will counsel this summer, obesity, diabetes, and hypertension will be linked to perceived social pressures to maintain material lifestyles exceeding individual financial means. The glucose meter beeps abruptly; I lean over the table to see the reading, while an old woman sits across from me tending her bleeding finger. "La'i mai suka": "You do not have diabetes," I announce, checking the "normal" box on her information sheet. One of the Samoan field assistants translates for me as I explain the importance of exercise and healthy eating, listing traditional Samoan foods as better options to canned spaghetti sandwiches. She nods, understanding. The activities I pursued as an undergraduate were chosen not for utility to some future plan; instead, my interests in a wide range of human activity helped me to discover the significance of bridging everyday peoples' narratives and their health needs. Further, eliciting the voices of others helped me to realize why I am so compelled to pursue medicine. Each experience has taught me the importance of real communication in healthcare: paying close attention to how people feel and the meaning of what they say. I am enriched by the individuals I have encountered; I marvel at their unique stories, and I appreciate how each person is validated and empowered in exchange for sharing his/her history. Our interactions sit at the heart of humanistic sensibilities to healthcare; I am determined to become a physician, where I can help to relay stories that otherwise might remain untold. 14 Sample Essay 7 Sweat profusely ran down his face and dizziness clouded his world. Though he was not feeling well, he ignored these signs and the repetitive, “Daddy, are you okay?” for the fear that he would display any sign of weakness in front of his children. After several hours of denial, his body gave the final warning that all was not well and the man collapsed in a pool of vomit. That man was my father and I watched as he too weak to stand and vomit on his mouth and clothes, was transported to the nearest medical center with the help of my sister and grandfather. After numerous CAT scans and other tests, we learned that my father suffered a minor stroke. Though he suffered a stroke the day before, my father, against the doctor’s advice, went to work the next day to ensure that his condition was not a financial burden on our family. Seeing my father suffer many complications from diabetes and hypertension, I strove to learn more about these diseases by reading medical literature to see how they could be controlled and prevented. However, watching my father sacrifice his health for financial reasons had a lasting impression on my motivation in medical care. My father was diagnosed with diabetes and hypertension when I was ten years old. His lack of treatment worsened his diabetic condition and my sophomore year in college, he was put on insulin. To this day, I am convinced that if we could have afforded adequate health care my father would have not sacrificed his health and thus he would not have suffered many complications. My primary interest in hypertension and diabetes is personally driven. For two summers I worked in Dr. Yan Huang’s lab where I conducted two independent research projects on the correlation between diabetes and atherosclerosis. One of my projects was concerned with controlling the regulation of connective tissue growth factor (CTGF) expression in vascular smooth muscles cells by thiazolidinediones (TZDs). In this project we hypothesized that the diabetic class of drugs TZDs would reduce CTGF expression in vascular smooth muscle cells, which would in turn reduce atherogenesis. We did an in vitro study and were able to determine that TZDS did reduce CTGF expression in vascular smooth muscle cells. My research for that summer was recently accepted for publication in the journal Atherosclerosis. I saw the importance of biomedical research in clinical care. In addition, my project has taught me about the effective treatments for diabetes and I learned about the seriousness of my father’s disease. However, from reading medical literature and 15 personal experience, I learned about the health disparities that existed among minority groups as well as those of lower socioeconomic class. This information further reinforced my determination to pursue medicine to counter these disparities. As a serious student, I felt that I should contribute equal time to volunteer work. I participated in an alternative spring break project in Logan, West Virginia through the Premedical Organization for Minority Students (POMS) in which we visited the underserved area of Logan, West Virginia and were able to get first-hand clinical experience. From this experience, I obtained skills in taking blood pressure, blood glucose levels, and urinalysis and used these skills while visiting senior citizens residences. Through my interaction with the seniors, I realized that communication and trust is vital for a healthy patient-physician relationship. In addition to doing health related activities, I was able to talk to students from disadvantage backgrounds on the importance of getting a postsecondary education. My goal in doing this was to give back to a community similar to my own because my environment gave me the right foundation to become a strong, intelligent individual. However, the most rewarding part of the trip was sharing with the local high school students my life story and how I found motivation in my disadvantage situation and used it to excel. I believe that it is important for them to see someone like themselves, so that they may be inspired to succeed as well. By far, my most rewarding community service has been with the College after School Team (C.A.S.T), which is a program that provides free tutoring and mentorship to disadvantaged, inner-city high school students that are at risk. My duties included tutoring, during activities with the students, preparing students for the route to college by working with them on standardized tests and college applications. I consider this to be the one of the most rewarding community service that I have become involved with because I am able to see a progress in students and watch them succeed. After seeing firsthand the waste in health due to the lack of health care in my community and family and the health disparities that exist among minorities and those of the lower economic rungs of society, I am aware of the need for physicians in medically underserved areas. As a potential physician, I wish to eliminate health disparities that exist among minorities and lower income individuals by making health care available to those who would not otherwise have access to it. Medical school would provide me with the skills needed to counter the health disparities that exist domestically and globally by providing experience in such areas. 16 Sample Essay 8 A little boy in a rural town in Mozambique is competing with 100,000 patients for the attention of the only three doctors available to him. Meanwhile, in Nicaragua a mother is torn between spending money to put food on the table or tending to her son's illness as they survive on only one dollar a day. The struggle continues as a black mother mourns the loss of her infant daughter because the infant mortality rate amongst the AfricanAmerican community is twice that of any other ethnic group in America. With the world becoming increasingly more connected, we cannot continue to detach ourselves from these issues. I have always felt attached to and compelled by the problems of the world, therefore these stories of disparities and inequalities have always distressed me. In fact, it was these stories that urged me to pursue sociology as a major. Focusing on international social change, I have learned many of the extreme social issues affecting the world today. These issues have inspired me to want to be in the forefront of combating these problems with the best of my capabilities. Those capabilities and opportunities for me lie in the field of medicine. I have wanted to be a doctor from the time I was a child and as I excelled in the sciences throughout my education, that interest developed even more. The University of Michigan provided many outlets for students to gain medical experience and I took advantage of many opportunities there, two of them being my job as a nurse assistant and my Distraction Osteogenesis research. Working as a nurse assistant in the hemodialysis unit for over a year, allowed me to develop health care professional- to- patient relationships and it allowed me to see the doctors and nurses in their working environment. Whereas my research, which investigates the effects of radiation on bone healing, involves surgical procedures in which I assist in and require me to do post-operative rounds. The rounds are performed twice daily during which we give medications to the rats, feed them, identify and care for infections, take daily notes on their overall health, and distract their mandible. This experience gives me a glimpse of how medical student 17 rotations are conducted on the wards. Opportunities like these and many others continue to nurture the spark for medicine that was ignited when I was young. Growing up, my idea of medicine was confined to dealing with patients in a doctor’s office. However, majoring in sociology has allowed me to see that I want to practice a kind of medicine that extends beyond the walls of an office and into the community where disparities in infant mortality have to be addressed through research and education. Furthermore, my travels to Nigeria in December 2004 and my recent trip to China in May 2007, have shown me that medicine can transcends the borders of the United States to places like Nicaragua where I can organize mission trips to provide free, quality health care for those that would never be able to afford it. Achieving quality health is a product of both good physiological maintenance and a healthy living environment. My sociology background has taught me that people not only require their health needs to be addressed but also other life issues as well. I have learned that addressing both of these factors can positively impact a person's general health. My application of this knowledge is apparent through my work on campus in different organizations, especially as the health committee chair of the National Association for the Advancement of Colored People (NAACP) - UM Chapter. As health committee chair, I partnered with several professional health school organizations to put together a health fair. There, we provided free screenings for students and people in the Ann Arbor community for cholesterol, blood pressure, body mass index, glaucoma, and diabetes as well as counseling regarding other barriers they felt were preventing them from attaining good health. What I can do as a doctor in the future is build upon the efforts I demonstrated in college by merging the principles I will learn in medicine with those that I have learned in sociology. My mission will be to change lives. I am not a superhero, I am but one person who believes that the needs of the less fortunate should not be overlooked. As long as I am equipped with the armor of medicine, I can help see to the improvement of some of the disparities that prevent people from receiving optimum health care in the United States and abroad. So I hope that I will be given the opportunity to affect the life of that little boy in Mozambique, as well as many medically disadvantaged across the globe.

#personal statement #important

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softnow · 5 years

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paracosm [ii/?]

msr | college au | this chapter: gen | words: 2.2k

she resents the idea that some boy who will no doubt be gone in another week’s time can ruffle her so much.

it’s dana’s turn, folks. necessary shoutout to @o6666666, champion of baby dana and all her emotions. also tagging @today-in-fic.

← last chapter. / ao3.

— — —

Dana has always been good with change. It comes with the territory of being a Navy brat. As a kid, she attended four different elementary schools, two middle schools, and she graduated high school with a class she’d only known for less than a year.

But there is a difference between moving with her family—keeping, if nothing else, the familiarity of her siblings, her parents, the old worn quilt on her old twin bed—and moving alone to the other side of the country, starting college (an exciting but daunting task on its own) nearly 3,000 miles away from everything and everyone she’s ever known.

Granted, she’s handling it better than some—better, for instance, than the girl who lives across the hall and cries on the phone to her parents every night, or the boy in her math class who comes only every third day and reeks of alcohol and pot when he does. Dana, at least, is making an effort.

She has gone to a few welcome mixers, to an underwhelming movie night hosted by her RAs, to a panel discussion on monoclonal antibodies with an audience of serious-looking grad students and old men in sweaters. She leaves her door open while she studies, just in case somebody should like to pop in. On two different weekends, she has allowed her roommate to take her out to parties filled with people who, even if they are new like her, seem to have known each other their whole lives. She has even formed a tentative working friendship with her bio lab partner, and she is frequently invited to have dinner in the dining hall with some of the girls on her floor (although, after a few nights of awkward small talk over rubbery pizza, she has stopped accepting).

But still. Despite the built-in camaraderie of the freshman experience, of being one of many sharing the same anxieties, excitements, and first-time hangovers, she feels…foreign. A little out of her depth.

She tells herself it doesn’t matter. College is, after all, simply a means to an end. But when she calls her parents on Sunday afternoons and her mother asks if she’s making friends, having fun, having the all-American college experience—the one she herself, married and pregnant right out of high school, was denied—well. Dana’s never enjoyed lying.

So she’s glad for the library. She may not know the difference between all the fraternities or where to find the best pizza in town or what a Jägerbomb tastes like, but she has the Dewey Decimal System down pat. She knows all the nicest reading nooks—even the ones the other freshman haven’t found yet—and she gets a startlingly large amount of satisfaction out of booting couples who think they’re sly enough to make out in the fifth-floor economics section. (In the three and a half weeks she’s been working here, she’s kicked out four couples. A rush, every time.)

She likes being the one who, at least for a few hours a day, gets to ask how can I help you? She likes that she has the answers. And she likes—perhaps better than anything—that here, it is perfectly fine to be alone. She doesn’t feel self-conscious behind the circulation desk the way she sometimes does sitting alone at a table meant for four in the student union. There’s nothing sad about it. There’s no pressure to socialize.

Or: there didn’t used to be.

Because now there’s a boy. A persistent boy. A persistent, irritating boy who is tall and lanky with a flop of dark hair and a collection of wrinkled t-shirts, who goes by his last name even though (in Dana’s opinion) his first is actually kind of nice, who, for some unknown reason, has set his sights on her and has made it his life’s mission to not give her a moment’s peace, who has decided that any day she is here, he will be too, hanging all over her desk, following her from floor to floor like a lost puppy, forcing her to listen to his questions and his stories and his inappropriate flirtations which, despite her best efforts, turn her pink as a cherry blossom, damn her Irish heritage.

Even when she tells him to get out—Mulder, I need to work—he will only grin and lean closer like he was never taught about personal space and say something completely disarming like, Dana, has anyone ever told you that you have Cassiopeia right…here? And then he will touch her little constellation of freckles so gently with the tip of his finger, like he’s really not touching her at all, and she will lose track of her filing or her faxing or whatever it was she was doing before he sauntered up, so cool and composed, to lean across her desk in the first place.

It would be easier, she thinks, if he wasn’t so nice. And clever. And handsome. If he was a dumb, ugly jerk, she would have no problem throwing him out (and she’d probably take an even greater amount of satisfaction in it than with the horny couples).

Because she’s not stupid. She knows that pretty, older boys with low, rumbly voices and plush, pink lips don’t seek out girls like her. Not with good intentions, at least. Boys—men, she corrects, because, god, he’s twenty-one—like him go for a different sort of girl. Taller. Older. Louder, funnier, sexier.

So there has to be some ulterior motive, has to, and it’s only a matter of time before his sweet exterior cracks to reveal whatever is really lurking beneath those puppy dog eyes and big smile and soft, gentle hands.

She hopes he just leaves her alone before then. It will be easier, really, for everyone involved.

—

It is a quarter past ten, and Dana lies curled on her lumpy twin bed, her phone cradled in both hands, her back to the wall. The cinderblocks are cool through her thin pajama top.

“He came in again today,” she says, low, like a secret.

“And?” Her sister’s voice is tinny and amused, two thousand-odd miles and a phone line away.

“He said I was beautiful,” she says. “He said I was going to win the Nobel Prize.”

Missy hmms. “For being beautiful?”

Dana shakes her head even though there’s nobody here to see it. Her roommate has been gone for three nights in a row.

“For curing cancer.”

Melissa snorts. “And what’d you say?”

Dana bites the inside of her cheek, the sore patch she’s nibbled raw.

“Nothing.” She draws the blankets tighter around herself. “I told him to leave.”

A pause. Dana thinks her sister might laugh at her, but Missy only sighs.

“Dana.”

“Yeah?”

“Why?”

“Don’t do that. This guy likes you. Why are you—”

“No, he doesn’t,” Dana says. She scrunches the phone cord between her fingers and releases it. Scrunches. Releases.

Melissa does laugh now. “Excuse me, what?”

“He doesn’t like me, Missy. He’s just…playing.”

“Just playing.” Melissa doesn’t sound convinced.

“The way guys do. You know. When they don’t mean it.”

“Oh, my god, Dane.” Melissa laughs again. “‘Just playing’ is calling you after midnight to ask what you’re wearing. It’s…it’s buying you a few drinks, taking you home, and not calling you the next day. This boy is not ‘just playing.’”

When Dana doesn’t say anything, Melissa continues: “Babe,” she says. “Do you honestly believe this guy would be spending that much time in the library if he was ‘just playing?’ Last week, you told me he was there until eleven o’clock on a Friday. Trust me. No guy is spending his Friday night in a library for a girl if he’s just playing.”

Dana bites her cheek again, licks her bottom lip. She thinks about last Friday. He’d shown up a little after eight, fresh from a shower, his hair still damp. She’d been in the fourth floor biology section, pulling books on tree frogs to fill a hold request, and he’d materialized behind her, smiling, with a cup of coffee and a packet of peanut M&Ms. The flip in her stomach had almost knocked her over.

“Hey,” he said. “I was looking for you. Here. Sustenance.”

And he’d thrust the coffee and the candy out at her with a dip of his chin, almost shy. She’d had a lab at eight that morning, and she’d been exhausted. The coffee smelled heavenly—rich and creamy. Exactly what she hadn’t even known she’d needed.

But instead of taking it, she’d folded the books about tree frogs to her chest, lifted her brow, and said, “Mulder, no. You can’t be doing this.”

“Why not?” He seemed genuinely curious. Concerned, maybe, that he was breaking some food-and-drink policy.

She tightened her grip on the books and said, “I don’t need it. I’m working. I need to focus.”

“Exactly,” he said. “Caffeine. Sugar. I only have your best interests at heart.”

Her cheeks flamed and she turned away, trying to seem like she was looking for the next book on her list even though all the titles blurred together.

“C’mon, Dana,” he said. “I come in peace.”

“I’m busy.” She didn’t turn around even as he came up behind her, so close she could feel the heat of him, could smell his foresty, manly soap.

“What are you looking for?”

And she’d relented. Something about his closeness, about the way he leaned over her just a little bit, made her weak. She’d shown him the list, and she’d accepted his help.

But she hadn’t accepted the coffee or the candy. Not even when he’d followed her back to the circulation desk and spent the next two hours shifting his weight from one foot to the other, asking her about class, her day, the best book she read that week, her last name, her phone number, and would she like to have dinner one night—any night—he was free any time?

“Good night, Mulder,” she said about ten times before he finally left—not without a few glances over his shoulder—so she could close up.

He’d left the coffee (cold) and the candy (unopened) on the desk. The coffee she poured out in the women’s room. The M&Ms… The M&Ms she ate later, one by one, while she called Melissa, sucking the candy coating off to make them last.

“Dana,” Melissa says now, breaking the silence. “You know he’s not going to wait forever, right?”

Dana frowns against the receiver. “What do you mean?”

“I mean this guy is clearly crazy about you. But if you keep playing hard to get—”

“I’m not!”

“—then he’s going to get bored, okay? It’s fun for a little while, but then it’s like…like running your head into a brick wall, over and over and over again. Eventually, if you keep telling him to get out, he will. And he won’t come back.”

“Good,” Dana says, even though the unexpected ache in her chest doesn’t necessarily agree. “That’s what I want.”

“Hmm.” On the other end of the line, Dana hears the flick of a lighter. “Well. If you really don’t want him, tell him you’ve got a sister in California who would be more than happy to entertain him.”

An image—brief, but not brief enough—flashes through her mind and her stomach clenches.

“I have to go, Missy,” she says. “Good night.”

She recradles the phone on her bedside table and turns out the light. She imagines walking into the library tomorrow, no Mulder. And the day after that, no Mulder. And next week, no Mulder.

She imagines that today was the last day. She imagines him never coming back to lean over the circulation desk and waggle his eyebrows at her, or stand too close to her in the stacks, or surprise her with a little treat ever again.

Maybe she’d spot him on the green one day and he’d point her out to his buddies and laugh. Hey, that’s the girl I messed with last semester. You know, the dumb one who really thought I liked her? Maybe he’d be too busy making puppy dog eyes at some other girl—some tall, willowy, interesting girl—to even notice her.

It would be for the best. This past week has just been a sort of…temporary universal insanity. A paracosm. A Dickensian glimpse into what her life could be if, perhaps, she lived in some alternate reality (which, let the record show, she does not believe in—but hypothetically).

Here, Missy’s voice interrupts, echoing in her head. This guy is clearly crazy about you. She frowns into the darkness. It sounds so simple when her sister says it, so reasonable.

And then there’s Mulder’s voice, too, low and intimate, asking her to coffee, to dinner, to a movie, to anything, really, anything at all. And not just one day. Every day. Several times a day, again and again and again, no matter how many times she says no, says Mulder, please, says I have work to do.

Dana tosses and turns and draws the covers up over her head, curling herself tight against the seductive pull of fantasy. She has always been the level-headed one, never a daydreamer, never impractical. She resents the idea that some boy who will no doubt be gone in another week’s time can ruffle her so much.

Huffing, she hugs a pillow tight to her chest and resolves to put Fox Mulder from her mind. It works, like most nights, only until she begins to dream.

#fox mulder #dana scully #msr #msr fanfic #myfic #paracosm #this chapter is some necessary expositiony stuff #which i hope you still find enjoyable #next chapter is very very fun #and will drop...idk next week sometime maybe #thank you to everyone who's been so enthusiastic and kind about this!!!#mulder #scully #txf

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cinnbar-bun · 5 years

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Gakuen Fantasy

A/n: Hi did you know I like making AU’s at 11 PM??? Also this was inspired by me playing too many otomes.

Edit: thank you Discord for helping me with Siegfriend, Lancey, and Seruel.

Welcome to Phantagrande High, where people of all shapes, sizes, and powers are invited to hone in their skills and talents. As the new Language Arts teacher recruited to the school, you must adjust to the hectic lifestyle of some of the most insane personalities you have ever met. Although...maybe you could learn a thing or two from those romantic stories you’ve been teaching and spice up your love life?

Romanceable Options~

The Wise and Calm Principal, Lucifer: The man who started this whole new mess for you. Ever the diplomat, he has a way with words and can seemingly diffuse any situation with one phrase alone. All the faculty and students respect him dearly, and in turn, he respects them as well. But he hasn’t been known to get too close to anyone romantically, perhaps you could change all that?

The Blunt and Fearless Vice-Principal, Sandalphon: Although he may act like he hates his job, he takes it quite seriously. Many students fear him for the simple fact he has such a short fuse and will blow up on anything. The faculty isn’t all too scared, knowing he’s just a sensitive guy on the inside (and they can’t help but make jabs at him after he took the coffee machine into his office). Ever the hard-head, he’s never experienced love before, and he sure as hell will never admit that aloud (even though it’s quite obvious). But that can change once he softens up with a bit of your love.

The Sadistic and Ruthless Biology Teacher, Lucilius: This man is one that EVERYONE fears. Even Lucifer has been trying to get him fired. Rumors spread around that he eats children who fail his class or dissects those who chew gum in his class. He has a fascination with the world around him and loves conducting research over everything he can get his hands on. He also gets a bit too excited over dissections. It also doesn’t help that he has a short temper and expects perfection from his students, who all cry at least three times in his class. He takes no shit and hands out insults like greetings, so if he tends to take a jab at you, ignore him. But what’s hiding under that cold front he puts up (answer: an even bigger asshole)

The Raunchy and Suave A&P Teacher, Belial: If shameless was ever a person, it would be Belial. He has no qualms about flirting with everything that breathes (DON’T WORRY HE’S NOT FLIRTING WITH THE CHILDREN!! HE HAS SOME BOUNDARIES OVER HERE!!) but he seems to have taken a liking to you. He’s quite popular with some of the female students (for some inexplicable reason) and he loves messing with the other three men on top. What’s the point of life without taking some risks? But are you prepared to handle this absolute demon of a man? Maybe you’ll find something worthy under the messy persona he plays up?

The Kind and Sweet Home Ec Teacher, Vane: This man is absolutely perfect, every girl (and guy) will admit. Although he’s not too bright, he makes up for it with his big heart (that really accentuates his chest) and warm smile. He’s very fair and forgiving, and every student that walks in walks out with a better understanding of how to manage day by day activities. He’s eager to become great friends with you, but maybe you could be something more?

The Bubbly and Clutzy Home Ec Teacher, Beatrix: One of the other Home Ec teachers who seems to have quite the reputation for being an adorable clutz. The male populous tends to take her class for an easy a but can’t help it when she drops things. The students think she’s very funny and sweet, and her food is great (when it actually is cooked). She usually complains about her ‘absolutely boring’ life in the teacher’s lounge and wishes for a day when she’s whisked off into a sweeping romance. You might not be a prince from another country, but you could give her the love she needs, right?

The Cold and Stern Economics Teacher, Aglovale: No one knows he’s also the CEO of a very popular business, and he knows economics like the back of his hand. The general consensus in him is a very respected one, and he makes sure to always keep a good light on him. He pretends he doesn’t care for the kids, but all the teachers know better. A very good bonus, he has glasses and his voice has been known to be extremely pleasing to the ears. He may act aloof around you, but do you think you have what it takes to melt his cold heart?

The Fiery and Hotheaded Math Teacher, Percival: The younger brother of Aglovale, who also helps him occasionally with running the business. He’s a lot more open than his brother and tends to give attitude back though. The students love him a lot and go absolutely nuts when he’s roasting a kid who likes to mouth off. He’s exceptionally by the book and has certain expectations he wishes of people. You may have caught his eye, newbie, but can you really keep its hold?

The Loud and Militaristic PE Teacher, Ilsa: A rather scary lady on the outside who takes her job as a PE teacher a bit too seriously. A lot of people will complain about how hard she is, but the athletes worship her like she’s their goddess. Seriously, they’ve never one as many times as they had until she’s come along. Her form of tough love tends to grate people the wrong way, but deep down, she’s really trying to find someone who will look past the ‘scary’ her.

The Hardworking yet Princely Engineering Teacher, Yurius: A man of many talents regarding creating anything, who tends to be more of a behind the scenes worker. He isn’t too flashy, and makes up for his more quiet behavior with cheeky jokes and genuine concern. Hopefully you make a good impression with him, and learn just how much a goof he really is inside.

The Thunderstruck and Loyal Physics Teacher, Albert: A man who’s best friends with Yurius, and happens to love teaching about electricity. Physics is practically coursing through his veins and he makes sure his students are all on the same page. Not that much of a surprise, but him and Yurius run the robotics club and they seem to always win. He may look rather cold, but he is a really nice guy and will gladly show you the ropes or give you the best advice on some of the students and faculty. Maybe you two could teach each other a thing or two about love?

The Seductive and Sweet Horticulture Teacher, Rosetta: This woman is the envy of all. Her sweet words can coax anyone to her beck and call. The greenhouse where she teaches at has become her new home, and many grow to love nature and plants due to her beautiful and poetic lessons and demonstrations. She can get quite flirty and beat around the bush, but know this, every rose has its thorns. If you mess with her, prepare for a life of hell. But otherwise, she’ll be a wonderful companion in your life if you manage to look deep inside and find the true beauty within her.

The Patient and Inspirational Music Teacher, Caro: A rather young man who has been with the academy since day one. He lives for the creative endeavors of his students and has no problems with helping them step by step. To him, the most beautiful thing ever is not gold or jewels, but the sounds people can create. He was really interested by your presence and wishes to get closer to you, although he is rather shy about doing so. The sound his heart makes when he’s around you makes him absolutely smitten, and he hopes to get closer to experience all of what love has to offer.

The Curious and Eccentric World Religions Teacher, Shiva: His appearance might startle some, but they quickly learn that he is passionate about his subject. He is always curious about what humans believe and how they go about their faith, and it makes him smile knowing the beauty of humanity. Some might call him a weirdo for being so in love with that, but he pays no mind. He is his own person, and he craves more and more. Although he hates being selfish, for some reason, he can’t help but want to know more about you. You’ve been a peculiar person, and he thinks he’d like to learn more.

The Lazy and Rowdy Chemistry Teacher, Elmott: A man who is a self proclaimed pyromanic, who takes far too much pleasure in setting things on fire. He is unafraid of speaking his mind and will let everyone know what he’s thinking, whether they’re a student or faculty member. He can get mouthy, but he truly cares about his students and their education, and is the first to defend them if something is wrong. He quickly earns the respect of his students and fellow teachers, even if he pretends he doesn’t know what they’re talking about. Trust us, he isn’t a bad guy, no matter what he says.

The Mysterious and Unknown Cryptid, Siegfried: A man who does... well know one really knows? Even Lucifer can’t give a straight answer. But it doesn’t matter since he tends to do the odd jobs or the ones no one really wants to do. Some kids claim he lives in a dungeon under the school. Others say the big shadow they saw trimming the bushes is secretly a lizard monster who is trying to infiltrate the government. Again, no one really knows. But the gentle giant who helped you with the copier machine certainly can’t be that bad, right?

The Helpful and Stressed Counselor, Lancelot: The most reliable counselor the school’s ever seen. The kids absolutely adore him, and his job ranges from settling disputes between the students to helping them with their college applications. This man has connections and could probably hook you up with something wonderful. Because he can never say ‘no’, he stresses himself beyond belief. Of course, his best buddy Vane is always there to help him remember to eat and not drown himself with alcohol. Maybe you could show him that he is capable of taking a break and not dying?

The Smartass and Stoic Librarian, Seruel: A man of culture who really hates noises. He gets a bad reputation for telling the louder kids to be quiet, but really, he’s just trying to do his job. A lot of kids think he’s kinda scary because of his face, but if you ask him for help locating a book or some information on a subject (because he’s a walking encyclopedia) he’d be more than happy to help. He tends to remember frequent library-goers and likes to discuss books with them and what they thought of it. He’s read way too many trashy romance novels recommended to him by some sophomores, but he’s more than ready to start a real romance with you. If you can get past the rude jabs at first.

A splendid array of options indeed. Are you ready to tackle your new job and try your luck at a love life?

#gakuen fantasy #Granblue Fantasy #Granblue fantasy imagines #granblue fantasy x reader #gbf #gbf x reader #au #writing #writing series #long post

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jessicasland · 5 years

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The One That Fits Right In Chapter 2

Chapter 2: Rocky Beginnings Reagan stared at the large white school building in front of her. It was her first day at the public high school and since she moved with her family, she already felt nervous. Reagan’s face went pale, she felt like she was going to be sick, there were butterflies in her stomach. It was big, bigger than the palace she used to live in back in Southern France. Was she really going to go in there? Well, she had no other choice. She took a big deep breath and walked up the stairs to the main hall. Reagan look at all the students bustling, talking, and laughing in the hallways. It was completely crowded! She couldn’t even walk without being squished in between one or two of the students. She checked her schedule. The first thing she needed to do was find her locker. It was locker 239. Reagan adjusted her glasses once she managed to get out of the tsunami of students to find her locker. There were endless rows of tall dark green lockers. But which one was her’s? As she passed by the students, she always remembered to say her “excuse me’s” or “pardon me’s” when she was trying to get through, and remembered to say her “sorry’s” when she accidentally bumped into people. Reagan was about to check the next row of lockers to find hers until- BUMP! The next thing Reagan knew, she was on the ground. Her backpack, books, and lunchbox were scattered on the ground. In front of her was another girl. She had short brown hair and sap colored eyes. Her skin was the color of a what someone would look like if they had gotten a sun tan. She also wore very expensive clothing, tall high heal like boots, and had layers and layers of foundation and make up on her face. Reagan gasped and said, “Oh geez. I’m sorry. I didn’t see you there.” She pulled the other girl into her feet and picked up all her books and makeup. “Here. These belong to you don’t they?” “Don’t you dare touch those!” said the girl, snatching the belongings out of Reagan’s hands. “Don’t you know how much money all this makeup costs?!” “...No.” Regan replied. “I-I don’t think we’ve officially met before during the orientation. I’m Reagan!” Reagan smiled and held out her hand for the other girl to shake. The girl looked at Reagan and looked at her hand and sneered in disgust. Using a pencil, the girl moved Reagan’s hand away, “Oh yes. The new girl from, what was i? Larodon? Southern France?” “That’s right! Future Heir to the throne to!” replied Reagan. “So, what’s your name?” The girl scoffed and replied, “You don’t know who I am?” Reagan said, “No not really. That’s what I was trying to ask you.” “My name is Harper. Harper Jane Cadigan Scott.” said the girl. “And these four girls make up my group. The one with the black hair is Marissa, the one with the gross looking flying pig thing on her shirt is Elle, the one who’s the brace face is Lorraine,” Reagan mouthed to Lorraine, “You’re braces look nice.” and Loraine mouthed back “Thanks.” Harper continued, “and the one in the yellow which is a really disgusting color BTW, is known as Krystal.” Reagan stared at them before saying, “Nice to meet ya.” “So, now that you know this little group here, get outta my way.” said Harper, turning up her nose. “What are you even doing anyway?” “Oh, um. I’m looking for my locker.” said Reagan, showing Harper her schedule. “It’s locker 239.” “What?! You can’t have that locker!” said Harper. “Why not? The school staff gave it to me so that means it’s mine for this year.” said Reagan. “But that’s my locker!” said Harper. “Everyone knows that locker 239 is the biggest locker in the school! Well, everyone except you Four Eyes.” “I know. That’s why they gave it to me.” said Reagan. Harper growled and was ready to strangle Reagan but Marissa stopped her and said, “Harper. We gotta go. Besides, I heard Kaiden was in our economics class.” Harper gasped in delight, “Why didn’t you say so?! Let’s go!” The other girls followed Harper down the hall, except for Loraine, who stayed behind to help Reagan find her locker and just like Harper had said, locker 239 was the biggest locker in the entire school. Reagan waisted no time to get started organizing her brand new locker. “Shame.” Reagan said to herself. “This locker looks so dull. It would be nice to spice it up a bit.” Then, Reagan had a wonderful, spectacular idea! Tomorrow before school started, she would bring in the beautiful acrylic paints that she had gotten for her birthday back in the summer and paint her locker till her her hearts desire. Reagan checked her schedule as she finished placing the new lock on the front. Reagan’s Schedule - A Day: Mon, Wed, Fri 1st Period-Art 3rd Period-US History 5th Period-Biology 7th Period-Office Aid B Day: Tues, Thurs 2nd Period-Spanish 1 4th Period-Culinary Arts 6th Period-English 2 8th Period-Algebra 2 Lunch: First Lunch Reagan was happy when she saw her first class. Art was one of her favorite things to do! She would spend hours a day just drawing and doodling in her sketchbook. It even helped her when she was stressed or upset. So this class would really help improve her art a bit more, especially when it came to drawing hands. History. Oh brother. History was super long and super boring and History wasn’t one of her strengths. Biology. Mmm, not so bad. But then Reagan remembered she didn’t really like it as much when she was homeschooled because she never got to do any labs at all. Office Aid? What was that? Spanish. Perfect! She more or less knew some words in Spanish thanks to homeschool. And one of her aunts spoke Spanish to so this would help expand her vocabulary. Culinary Arts? Wow! She loved to help the family’s personal chef in the kitchen back home and bake things on her own from time to time to! She could learn to cook and expand from making a simple PB and J sandwich. English. Interesting. Would she be learning the language English? Algebra. It was neither her weakness or her strength. But she was well advanced in math seeing how good at it she was. Reagan checked the time on her watch. 7:55AM “Uh oh.” thought Reagan, “I should already be at art class!” She didn’t wanna miss her first real class. She stuffed her schedule in her pocket, picked up her art supplies and sketchbook, and dashed down the hall to the art room. The minute Reagan stepped foot into the room, she was already greeted with large tables, pictures and paintings from years past, easels, light tables, tables with five chairs for five students to sit at, and a closet filled with tons of art supplies. But the professor was missing. Where was she...or he? Reagan dropped her things at the nearest table and walked around the room while the students chatted amongst themselves. She looked around the large room but then stopped at the closet. She saw a short figure who looked shorter than her, fumbling about where the paints were. Reagan asked in a shy tone, “U-Uh. E-Excuse me? I-I don’t mean to be a bother b-but uh. Where did the professor run off to?” The women bumped her head before turning to Reagan. She looked and dressed like a gypsy women. Beads and all. Reagan’s eyes widened as she saw her. The women hopped down from the ladder and walked up to Reagan. “You’re lookin’ right at her.” she replied. She had a thick Russian accent. “Oh. It’s uh, nice to meet you.” said Reagan. “I-I’m-“ “New student. I know.” she replied. “Davay! Davay! out out out!” She pushed Reagan out of the closet and said, “Take your seat. I don’t have all day.” Reagan said nothing and took her seat. This art professor seemed pretty rude. The women clapped her hands to get the students attention. “Dobroye UUUUtro class.” said the lady, holding the U. “Dobroye Utro Ms. Preobrazhensky.” said the rest of the class. “Welcome welcome! I would love to welcome you all to my Art class.” said Ms. Preobrazhensky. “Now, vhile I take the roll. I would like you to complete your first sketchbook assignment. Vou must draw your name and draw all de things you kiddies like. Uh, for instance uh de Fortnite game or de annoying song vith the colorful sharks or vhat ever you kiddies like now a-days. Da! Begin.” Regan opened her big, black sketchbook and got to work. She wrote her name in big bubbly letters and colored it red. Then she got to work on surrounding her name with many things she liked like. Her drawing consisted of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, a lamb, a paint pallet with a paintbrush, a drawing of Iron Man, the symbol for Taurus, a stack of comic books, a steam engine train, Patch from 101 Dalmatians, and some puzzle pieces representing the fact that she has Autism. She didn’t notice that any time passed by until Ms. Preobrazhensky shouted, “Gold Girl!” Reagan jumped in her seat in surprise. Most kids snickered at her. “Come on, let me see your vork.” she barked. Reagan showed Ms. Preobrazhensky her sketchbook. Ms. Preobrazhensky stared at it for a while before she took it to her desk. Reagan sat in her seat for the longest time while the gypsy looking art teacher was staring at her sketchbook. She felt nervous and started twirling a loose strand of her hair (which she often does when she’s nervous). “REAGAN!” Ms. Preobrazhensky screeched. Regan’s eyes widened as the teacher called her. She stood up and walked to the desk. “Niet! Niet! In my office.” said Ms. Preobrazhensky, pointing a long bony finger to a small office. Reagan gulped and stepped into her office. Was she going to get in trouble on her very first day? Ms. Preobrazhensky closed the door and started.....hugging Reagan. Reagan was confused. “Vou brilliant child! Look at this!” said Ms. Preobrazhensky, showing her the assignment. “I had no idea you’s could draw so well! How long have you’s been drawing?” “..Since I was 3.” said Reagan, still twirling her hair. “I’ve never seen dis type of talent in my class before.” said Ms. Preobrazhensky. “My dear! There is not much I can teach you! You have very good talent!” “Really?” asked Reagan excitedly. “...but I wish I could draw hands better. My hands look like potatoes.” “Tell you what.” said Ms. Preobrazhensky. “How about I gives you some pointers on how to draw hands. During the lunch break. You’s can have your lunch here and then we can start.” “You mean it?” asked Reagan with a gleam in her eyes. “Of course of course!” said Ms. Preobrazhensky. “After all, talent like this does not show up everyday. Although. I am curious about de puzzle pieces you drew here. Wvat do they mean?” Reagan fumbled with her words. If she told the teacher, let alone the whole school that she had Aspergers, she’d be the laughing stock of the entire 10th grade! “U-Uh....I-I love to do puzzles.” Reagan lied. “Ahh.” said Ms. Preobrazhensky, “interesting hobby for a girl your age.” “Uh yep.” said Reagan with a nervous laugh. Ms. Preobrazhensky handed back her sketchbook. “So, I wvill see you during lunch on Wednesday?” asked Ms. Preobrazhensky. “Sure!” said Reagan, “Thank you. Thank you Ms. Preoba...uh, can I call you Ms. P?” “Of course you may.” said Ms. Preobrazhensky. “Cool. Thank you Ms. P!” said Reagan as she walked back to her seat. She sighed with relief. .... The rest of the morning went by in a blur and before Reagan knew it, it was lunchtime. She took her orange metal lunchbox and headed for the cafeteria. Reagan walked slowly as she tried to find a seat but most of the students already called dibs on each table. Then, Reagan saw Harper and her group of friends (minus Loraine) sitting at half-empty table eating and gossiping. “Harper!” said Reagan. “Harper! It’s Reagan from this morning!” Harper stopped her, “Hold it Four Eyes!” Reagan stopped dead in her tracks. “This table is for popular girls only.” said Harper. “Yeah, we don’t take in newbies!” added Marissa. “B-But I don’t have anywhere else to sit.” said Reagan. “Tough!” said Krystal. “Let me show you where the newbies sit.” said Harper. She lead Reagan to the garbage cans in the corner of the cafeteria. “B-But that’s the garbage can.” Reagan said. “Exactly. That’s where all the newbies go. Because every single newbie that comes to this school is nothing but a lowlife piece of trash!” explained Harper. “Ask the freshmen! Trust me, this seating arrangement is WAY up you’re alley.” With that, Harper walked away, leaving Reagan alone. Well, Reagan had no other choice. She sat on the floor and ate her lunch. It was a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, some apple slices, a little white milk carton, some celery sticks, and a chocolate chip cookie. Loraine noticed that Reagan was sitting on the floor by herself. “You got sent to the trash to?” she asked. “Yep.” said Reagan, not paying attention. “I know how that feels.” Loraine replied. “I got sent here to. But you wouldn’t be sitting here if I didn’t sit with you.” Loraine sat next to Reagan. “S-So. You’re Reagan?” asked Loraine. “Uh-huh.” Reagan replied. “And you’re........Marissa?” “Close. It’s Loraine.” said Loraine. “Ohhh! Brace Face!” said Reagan. Loraine stared at her and started to eat her food. Reagan realized that she wasn’t supposed to say that. “Oh geez. U-Uh, Loraine I didn’t mean to uh-“ “No, it’s Ok. I get that a lot. Even Harper calls me Brace Face.” said Loraine reassuring her. “Then, if Harpers your friend, why does she cal you brace face?” asked Reagan. Loraine looked at Harper and then back at Reagan. “Harper’s cool and all but she’s...she’s a real jerk sometimes.” replied Loraine, “and besides, she’s never complimented on my braces before. I just got them a week ago and they hurt like crazy.” “Oh, here.” said Reagan handing her an Advil cup. “Take an Advil pill, it will help with the pain.” Loraine took a tablet and swallowed it with some milk to wash it down before handing back the Advil cup back to Reagan. “Thank you.” said Loraine. “Hey, since we’re here, wanna tell secrets? If that’s what you royalty folks like doing.” “Sure!” said Reagan. “Uh, you go first.” “OK.” said Loraine. She whispered, “I have had this weird habit of biting my nails. I still have it and nobody else knows this.” “M-My turn.” said Reagan. “The thing is that I...I............IhaveAspergersSyndrome.” “What?” asked Loraine, “You we’re speaking to fast Reagan.” “Sorry.” she replied, “I…I have Asperger’s Syndrome…its a case of mild Autism. I’ve had it since I was two and it-it effects me socially and mentally. I have some weird obsessions. I still watch Blues Clues for pete’s sake and-“ “Reagan.” said Loraine, “I’ve heard enough. But why don’t you wanna tell anyone this information?” “I-I don’t wanna tell anyone because I-I didn’t wanna get bullied again.” said Reagan. Loraine held out her pinky and said, “I won’t tell a soul that you have Autism. It’s a promise. A pinky promise.” Reagan looked at her pinky and joined hers in with Loraine’s. “Thank you.” said Reagan as she hugged Loraine. Loraine was shocked but hugged her back.

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greengargouille · 5 years

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I can’t find back where is that post someone made with everyone’s grades from the Question opening, and I wanted to check out something for Mimura, so I might as well compile his grades/ranks into its own post. It would save me trouble from having to check every time.

...Right, I forgot about how it’s all hidden. Where can we find the actual sheets complete with the commentaries. Do a special edition contain those. Lerche please gimme those.

So, what one can distinguish... Japanese: 4; Social Studies: 5; Maths: 4; Music: ...Either a 3 or a 5, it seems more like a 5 to me? It feels closer to how the 5′s are drawn, the top looks more like a straight line than a curve?

Art: 4; we’re missing the Home Ecs, PE and English. Which is too bad because the reason I searched in the first place was because I was searching for the Home Economics. I feel like he could be a 2 bordering on 3 thanks to being in Isogai’s group for cooking practice.

But! All is not lost! Because Volume 13 have a top 5 of who’s best in Home Ecs! In which Mimura isn’t obviously, but comparing the boys’ scores to their grade in the opening- Wait, no luck with that, this is a mixed top 5 (compared to all those where scores are divided between the boys and girls). Also apparently Hayami is in the top 5 for being very dexterous and excellent at sewing, but somehow she only had a score of 3 on 5 earlier in the opening? Is it a question of abilities vs grades? I think I saw Terasaka had a 5 and he did get a 100 on that exam before summer. It would also explain how Chiba got a 3 in Music despite certainly having the ability given his previous club affiliation. Then again, Music classes also have a lot of singing, which he might not have had to do. Or maybe he needs to spike his hair to use his full potential.

As for PE and English, I guess we can make an estimate depending on other grades. Actually, since we got exams results for all 5 main subjects, let’s reunite all in convenient format, complete with ranks on the 186 3rd years students:

(Why am I doing this. I just wanted some Home Ecs grades.)

The funny thing is that one can have a lower grade in a subject and still get a better rank (just compare Science to other subjects in the first exam). Seems like outside of the last end term, Mimura achieved pretty similar scores on each subject? Though we can definitely see a weakness in Science while Social Studies is a strong point. It all fits with his Roll Book profile, where those are listed respectively as his worst and favourite subject (well, technically his worst is biology) while Korosensei comments on how he doesn’t really have a subject where he’s particularly bad at. If only taking the exams results I guess one could establish a hierarchy of Science < Maths < English < Japanese < Social Studies? Not that meaningful tbh. But that does makes me want to rank his English with a 4 (even if those ranks only include the first trimester).

Which leaves us with PE! Thankfully yours truly made a neat chart of the Individual Abilities Chart, which includes Physical Abilities and Mobility! I’m not sure in which proportion to judge both of those categories, but it seems Mimura is around Fuwa’s level, maybe Nakamura and Chiba if not slightly lower. Those people had respectively a grade of 2, 4 and 4, so... I guess that means a 3? Very average especially compared to the numbers of boys who have a 5 (Karma, Isogai, Maehara, Sugino, Muramatsu...) but he’s an indoor child after all. Heck I just verified even Nagisa have a 4. How does Nagisa have a 4. Is it because he won against Takaoka. Should Mimura be a 4 instead? Tbh, I would find it hilarious if Mimura was an all-4 except for the 3 and 5 on his worst and favorite. Looking at Isogai and Karma with their all-5 and saying he’s not all that great while the others are “are you bullshiting us”. But then, I still want his Home Ecs grade to be lower...

#assassination classroom #ansatsu kyoushitsu #assclass #mimura kouki #fun fact the only time Sugaya had a better score in exams than Mimura is on Sciences on the 2nd end of terms #so it's really Mimura's worst subject

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clary-jace · 7 years

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sign of the times (a riley matthews fic)

But she swallows the tightness in her throat, forces a small smile on her face and hangs up the graduation picture of her and her friends above her desk. Her heart tugs as she thinks of them all, scattered across the country. All off to find their own destinies. Her fingers ghost over her ribcage, the galaxy etched into her skin burning at the thought of them all. The pride that she often feels when she thinks of her friends comes crashing onto her like an ocean wave.

She ignores the bitter feeling of loneliness that follows it only moments later.

Chapter: 1 (Girl Meets New Beginnings) Ships: Riley/Lucas (main romantic pairing), platonic Riley/Clique Six, Riley/Charlie, Riley/Dave & Riley/Asher Word Count: 11k+

Notes: Well here it is friends, the first chapter of what will hopefully become my best work yet. I’m so excited for this fic and everything I plan to do with it and I hope you guys are excited too. Special shout out, as always to @friarlucas for editing and overall supporting this endeavor. Please enjoy and let me know what you think! Also, this fic takes place in the same canon verse as Maggie’s “Gravity on the Open Road” fic, you don’t need to read that fic to understand this one, although I highly recommend it, because it’s a wonderful fic!

Riley enters college under the complete and total assumption that she’s going to love it. She has no reason to think otherwise, especially after bidding all of her friends goodbye on their road trip across the country, and their wide-eyed and blinding smiles burned in her memory forever. They were all excited for the next chapter in their lives, and she was too. Of course she was nervous, but those nerves were overshadowed by something stronger, an anticipation and excitement of things to come.

So when she drudges across the main lawn of New York University, her backpack on her shoulder and duffle bag in hand, her parents bickering behind her and her younger brother by her side, a smile finds its way across her face. Things are going to be different -- no friends, no Lucas, no dad as her teacher, but she has faith that it will be a good different.

Her room is a cramped double in the third floor corner of the largest freshman dorm, and her roommate merely nods at her when she first enters. While this dampens her spirits momentarily, she catches a glimpse of the New York streets below her window and realizes that things aren’t all bad. She’s Riley after all, always finding the good in otherwise unsatisfactory situations.

She won’t lie and say the less than pleasant living arrangements she finds herself in makes the goodbye she bids to her family hurt any less, but she plasters on her ever-present Riley Matthews smile and knows that things will get better in time.

Her roommate, as she learns over the next couple of hours is named Hannah, is a chemistry major and is not in college to make friends. That stings a little and Riley’s childish dream of being best friends (as best of friends as one can be with her true best friend across the country in California) with her college roommate immediately crumbles around her in a cloud of dust.

She ignores the bitter feeling of loneliness that follows it only moments later.

…

It doesn’t take long for Riley to realize that college is much more difficult than high school ever prepared her for. By mid-September she already feels like she’s drowning in papers and exams and study sessions and she hardly feels like she has time to breath let alone do the mountains of homework she has every night.

“I just never expected it to be this hard, especially so early on,” she muses one day, stabbing a cherry tomato with her plastic fork.

“I guess they’re trying to weed out the weak,” Asher Garcia says with a small smirk on his face as they make eye contact across the table.

It was honestly a blessing in disguise that one of Lucas’ childhood best friends was attending NYU alongside her. Not only did it give her the comfort of having a familiar face around, but he reminded her so much of Lucas that spending time with him made the pain of the actual Lucas being 1,500 miles away in Austin dull, even if only for a couple of hours.

She laughed lightly, shaking her head as she popped a crouton into her mouth and considered his words. “You might have a point, but why are they trying to weed out the weak? Shouldn't they want everyone to succeed?”

“Maybe, or maybe they’re just trying to get you to drop out.” She gasps, tossing her balled up napkin at him, laughing when it hits him right in the eye. “I’m kidding, I’m kidding, don’t kill me please.”

“Oh, like I could ever kill you.”

“I know that you could. Lucas told me once that you were like, freakishly strong,” Asher teases, flicking a stray french fry at her across the table. “But seriously, I wouldn’t worry too much about it, I think this is all just so hard because we’re not used to it. This place is different than high school, we just need to learn the ways.”

They share a smile, and Riley realizes that she’s very very lucky to know Asher Garcia.

…

“How was your week?”

Riley sighs softly, leaning her elbows forward on her desk as she looks at her boyfriend through the low quality webcam on her laptop. It was Friday night and her roommate was gone, leaving Riley to inhabit their small, lifeless room alone. Fall break was right around the corner and Riley was desperate for it. Despite the pep talk from Asher a couple of weeks ago, things had yet to really get any easier.

“It was alright, my biology class dissected a squid the other day in lab. Which, if I never have to do anything like that again, I’ll be a very happy camper.” She blanched, shivering when she thought back to the unsettling feeling in her stomach during her lab period.

“Looks like science is off the table then?”

Lucas’s quiet laughter caused her to smile lightly, and she met his gaze through the camera. The softness of his eyes brought a flutter to her stomach, and it amazed her that even miles and miles away he still had this kind of effect on her.

“Yeah, looks like it.”

She gave another small sigh, propping her chin on her hands. Her eyes fall from Lucas’s face to the graded essay sitting on the desk next to her.

Science wasn’t the only thing that seemed off the table, if the glaring D staring back at her from her economics paper was any indication. She knew from her experience at Abigail Adams that getting a D on one paper didn’t mean anything in the grand scheme of things, but it just felt like her entire life was a D these days.

“Don’t get too discouraged though, I’m sure you’ll figure it out eventually. You really like your English class, don’t you?”

She appreciated that he was helping her through this. One of the most frustrating things hindering her college experience was that she still really had no idea what she wanted to actually major in. All of her friends had their dreams and lives seemingly planned out, or at least had a blueprint for their future, while she was staring at a blank piece of paper willing for a plan to map itself out in front of her.

“Yeah, the professor is really great and I’ve enjoyed every paper I’ve had to write for her, but I don’t know if I want to be an English major.” The slight frustration was evident in her tone and she mentally chastised herself for bringing the mood down in her and Lucas’s conversation. She was sure that he had better things to focus on than his indecisive girlfriend’s struggle to determine her major.

“You don’t have to have it all figured out now, Riley. Freshman year has barely started. You have plenty of time to find your dream.”

Riley resisted the urge to playfully scoff at him. Talk like that was easy for him to say. It was just frustrating. She was spending her first semester taking a wide variety of classes trying to find something, anything, that inspired her or spoke to her.

So far, she had come up empty handed.

“Alright mister ‘I’ve wanted to be a veterinarian since I was twelve years old.’ I know I have plenty of time it’s just... frustrating. You, Maya, Zay, Farkle and Smackle all know what you want to do, and I feel like I’m stuck in the middle of the woods without a map.” Frowning slightly, she shook her head, determined to switch around the conversation before it got any more serious. It’s not that she didn’t think Lucas would be able to help her, she just didn’t want him feeling like he had to.

She could figure this out on her own, there was no need to saddle him with her woes. “But enough about me, I want to here about this buddy program you were talking about!”

Riley briefly saw a glimmer or something in Lucas’s eye, like he knew that she was trying to take the focus off of her and change the subject. But he didn’t push her. Instead, he launched into talking about the program he was thinking about joining, a soft, easy smile on his face. A far cry from the one that she constantly found on his features during high school. It made her happy to see him doing so well in his new environment.

Maybe it did him good to be away from New York.

Despite the uneasiness that was still sitting in her stomach, she managed to push it away, focusing instead on Lucas. Turns out that even across the country, when the two of them are together, the rest of the world fades away.

…

When fall break finally arrives, Riley is eager to get off campus. She finishes up her Friday morning math class, immediately packs her bag and is out the door before her roommate returns from her morning seminar.

It’s a weird shift from when she first arrived only a couple months ago full of excitement and anticipation for a new adventure. That weird feeling that had been coming and going within her for weeks now seems to have settled in for the long haul and while she doesn’t quite have the words to explain, she’s not a fan of it.

It doesn’t take her long to realize that she’s the only one of her friends who doesn’t have something exciting planned for the long weekend. A few clicks on social media, a text from Maya and a phone call from Lucas earlier in the week informs her that all of her friends are either going somewhere with new friends, working on exciting new projects, or in Lucas’ case, going on a fishing trip with his grandfather. Even Asher has plans to travel to New Jersey with his roommate.

The whole situation gives Riley a strange sensation -- on one hand, she’s thrilled that all of her favorite people will be busy and happy, but on the other she can’t help but feel like an outsider, seeing as her plans to catch up on sleep pales in comparison.

“Hi sweetheart!” Riley’s surprised to find her mother home when she pushes open the door to her family’s apartment, but accepts the warm hug without hesitation. “I didn’t know when we should expect you, I thought for a minute I might have to go down to campus and drag you home.”

Riley forces a laugh against her mother’s shoulder, afraid to admit that she had practically sprinted to the nearest subway stop, trying to formulate a way to stay home the longest possible time that she could. She didn’t want her parents to think she was unhappy, because that really wasn’t the case, she just was desperate for the time at home. Besides, she didn’t need her parents worrying about things that didn’t require their concern.

“I only had one class today and I thought it might be a nice surprise if I was home when Auggie got home,” she says with a sincere smile, removing herself from Topanga’s arms and moving to take her coat off.

“Well, I’m sure he’ll be very surprised to see you.” Topanga winks at her before moving into the kitchen where she had been preparing a salad. Riley takes a glance at the food and is unsurprised when she realizes she didn’t eat breakfast that morning. She had quickly realized that the NYU dining hall was far from her favorite place to be, unless she knew Asher was going to be there. What she doesn’t expect is that hunger doesn’t settle in her stomach, if anything the food looks unappetizing to her and she would much rather take a nap than anything else. “I think I made enough of this for the two of us, you want some?”

“Uh, no thanks. I think I’m just gonna go and lay down if that’s alright. I had a big breakfast so I think I’ll just eat when Auggie gets home.” Riley forces a small smile, wanting nothing more than just to go and collapse in her familiar, comfortable bed.

“Sure thing, sweetheart. Just make sure you eat later,” Topanga says with a smile, allowing Riley to grab her bag and escape the living area without any more questions. Once Riley is in the safety of her bedroom, she lets out the breath she wasn’t aware she was holding and immediately falls onto her bed.

It’s once she’s in the comfort of her childhood bedroom and her warm and safe bed, she realizes just how tired she really is and it’s only moments later when her eyes fall closed.

....

She doesn’t know how long she’s asleep, but when she wakes the sun has fallen behind the horizon and she can hear her parents and younger brother chatting outside her door in the dining area. She can vaguely smell pasta and realizes that her family is eating without her. That stings, but she figures that they’ve been living without her for almost two whole months, she can’t blame them for not realizing she’s there. It’s certainly not something she’s going to make a big deal about.

Swallowing the weird lump in her throat, she slowly opens the door of her bedroom and pads down the hallway to the kitchen, immediately catching the attention of Auggie.

“Riley!” he exclaims, and it amazes her that he’s nearly thirteen and still gets excited to see her. That’s something that she hopes never changes no matter how old they both grow. Auggie eagerly jumps from his chair and wraps his arms around her, and Riley tries to ignore the weird tears that pool in the corner of her eyes.

“Oh my goodness, sweetheart, I completely forgot that you were here!” her mother exclaims. “You were being so quiet and we’ve gotten so used to it being just the three of us, I didn’t think any of it.”

Cory merely smiles at her, standing from his chair to embrace her as well. Riley tries to ignore the sting that leaves on her heart, instead focusing on her father’s arms tightly around her shoulders.

“I missed you, honey.” He whispers into her hair and those weird tears become heavier in her eyes. Once he pulls away from her, she takes a deep breath and gives her entire family a smile, sitting down in her usual seat across from her mother. Moments later Auggie is putting an empty plate down in front of her, and she gives him a grateful smile.

She’s vaguely aware of the dull ache in her stomach at the lack of food she had consumed that day, but her appetite is still off on another planet and even though she takes some spaghetti and a piece of bread from the middle of the table, she can’t bring herself to eat it.

“So, Riley, how are classes going?” her father asks, giving her a smile. She picks up her fork and begins to spin the pasta around, returning her father’s grin.

“They’re alright,” she lies, pushing away the image of her low economics grades and her botched biology exam and instead focusing on her English professor’s compliment of her work just the other day. “I really love my English class.”

There’s a heavy beat of silence and Riley can tell that her parents are waiting for her to say something else, but any lies that she tries to tell die before they can make it out of her mouth. She would rather just force a smile then make her parents think that there’s anything to worry about. The last thing she wants is for them to think that she’s falling behind, and she knows she can get her grades up by the end of the semester and there will be nothing for them to worry about.

“What about your friends? Any of them doing anything exciting over break?” Topanga asks, and Riley gulps. This is the question she was most dreading and she immediately feels a weird claminess in her hands and her throat tightens as she tries to formulate a response.

Because, despite her efforts, Riley had yet to make any real friends at NYU.

Sure, there were kids like Dave and Sarah, who she knew from high school, the former sharing math class with her, but they hardly spent any time together and mostly just nodded at each other if they passed each other on the green. She tried reaching out to kids in her classes, but had yet to find someone who actually wanted to be friends with her, the memory of her biology lab partner practically rolling her eyes when Riley suggested they have dinner together in the dining hall was going to take some time to recover from. Not to mention that her and her roommate had still yet to speak more than four words to each other at a time.

Instead, she decided to just tell her parents about Asher. He was her only real friend at NYU, anyways. “Um, I’m not sure, I know Asher is going with his roommate to New Jersey. He’s never really been to the east coast, so he’s excited.” She said, an easy smile falling upon her face. “I think my roommate mentioned that she was hanging around on campus.”

Her parents merely nod and smile at her, moving the conversation to the new batch of freshman that Cory has at Abigail Adams next year, with Auggie occasionally jumping in to muse about Ava and the woes of the 7th grade.

Riley feels her face become hot as she realizes how well they all seem to move around her. She feels like she’s an outsider in her own family, like she’s watching a movie about the perfect Matthews family of three. She drowns the salty feeling of tears in the back of her throat with spaghetti, barely tasting it as she shoves into her mouth. No one in her family notices.

Later that night, she’s desperate for the relief of sleep, not caring when she wakes up the next morning. She can’t seem to shake the day’s events and she just wants to leave it all behind, hoping that the next day, that strange feeling is gone.

Slipping on Lucas’s Brooklyn sweatshirt, which she seems to be wearing more and more frequently, she crawls into bed and flicks the light off. Her eyes fall closed as soon as her head hits the pillow.

…

The rest of the weekend passes in a blur. She spends one day in the park with Auggie, tossing a frisbee and listening to him ramble about how complicated middle school relationships are. She’s unable to not think back to falling into a stranger’s lap on the subway and library conversations that all seem like a distant memory that brings a smile to her face. But most of her break is spent holed up in her room.

She talks to Maya on the phone one night, smiling when she can practically hear her best friend’s smile through the phone. She misses Maya more and more every day, but she can’t deny that she doesn’t think she’s ever heard Maya happier, which seems to be a recurring theme that stings Riley’s heart more than she’s willing to admit.

She doesn’t bring up any of her own woes to Maya, not wanting to shake her best friend’s happiness, she knows that if she expresses any kind of sadness that Maya would be there for her in a heartbeat, but she doesn’t want to do that to her. Maya doesn’t deserve to be knocked down by Riley’s raincloud, not when she’s creating her own sunshine.

When her mother brings her back to her dorm room the final day of break, Riley hugs her, less enthusiastically than she did in August, still not feeling at home in her dorm, but feeling less at home in her own home than she ever has. It doesn’t take her long to realize that the reason no place feels like home anymore, her home is scattered around the country, her heart and soul residing in Texas and California.

Settling back on her bed, she vaguely wonders when Hannah will return, or if she left campus at all. All Riley knows is that for now she’s alone, a familiar sensation as of late. Her ponders however are interrupted when her phone vibrates next to her on the bed, the name flashing across the screen bringing a wide grin to her face.

Lucas Friar ♥: Sorry for being MIA over the weekend. There was zero service where we were. I promise that we’ll talk tomorrow once I’m back at school. Hope you had a good break.

Attached to the message from her boyfriend is a picture of Lucas and his childhood best friend Dylan, their arms around each other and smiles gracing both of their faces as they showed their fish off to the camera.

The picture brings a wide grin to her own face, Lucas’ smile had always made her feel a certain feeling that she had realized as a young sophomore in high school could only be described as love. But a moment later, she felt her vision blur and the stupid tears were back in her eyes and she desperately tried to shake them away.

Sending back a quick message telling him that she’s glad he had a good time and she’s looking forward to talk to him tomorrow, she sinks into her pillows, suddenly feeling tired and like she could go to bed, despite the early hour and the sun still peaking out over the horizon.

Her heart feels heavy and there are tears still prickling in the corner of her eyes, but instead of wiping them away, she merely feels her eyes close, sleep overtaking her, and she doesn’t have the energy to push it away.

…

By the time Halloween rolls around, Riley feels like she’s stranded in the middle of the ocean without a life raft or a paddle and in minutes away from drowning. She barely registers that the holiday has arrived, as she hasn’t been paying much attention to the days, only knowing what classes she’s supposed to be going to at what time of day and how many times a week she’s going.

So when Halloween, this year falling on a Friday much to the delight of the entire NYU campus, arrives, Riley is taking aback. It says a lot about how tired and out of it she truly is when she doesn’t notice people wearing costumes in her morning class, and only finds out about the holiday when Asher mentions it in the dining hall at lunch.

“Alright, so I was thinking that we could maybe hit up this party that a guy in my bio class this morning was talking about. I know you don’t like parties, but I think it’ll be fun and it’s Halloween. We don’t have to stay that long, just like an hour and you don’t even have to wear a costume.” It takes Riley a moment to register what Asher is saying, as she’s too busy staring at the plate of food in front of her, but she snaps out of her daze when she hears the word ‘party.’

“I don’t know...I never even went to parties in high school, I really doubt a college party is going to be anything close to my kind of scene.” She nonchalantly shrugs her shoulders, desperate for him to let this one slide. Riley really enjoys having Asher around, but she knows that he’s been far more successful at making friends than she has, and that going to a party could very well result in her spending the entire evening standing by herself while college students get drunk around her.

“Come on Riley, it might be fun.” Asher prodes, knocking her hands with his. She smiles slightly at him, knowing that his intentions are nothing short of genuine, but she just, really can’t bring herself to be excited about it. She had really been banking on spending her friday night curled up in her dorm room, doing absolutely nothing.

“Parties really aren’t my thing, besides, I’ve never been the biggest fan of Halloween.” She says, shrugging again, that was a lie if she had ever told one. Halloween was always her favorite holiday after Christmas, but now that she didn’t have anyone to really celebrate it with, she didn’t really want to spend it with other people.

“I don’t believe you, but I respect that you don’t want to go. Parties aren’t for everyone.” Asher said, dropping the subject with a small shrug. Riley was relieved, but there was still a weird pit settling itself in her stomach.

They spent the rest of the meal in casual conversation, most of being led by Asher, who launched into a story about his psychology professor, and the whole talk of the party seemed to fade away. Riley continued to just pick at her food though, the weird feeling not going away and pushing away any appetite that she might have had, not that she had much of one to begin with.

Ultimately Riley didn’t do anything for Halloween. That night, after classes were done and her roommate had departed for whatever reason, she crawled into her bed and determined that she wasn’t going to be going anywhere until she absolutely had to. Lucas had texted her earlier that day asking about her plans, telling her that he was hanging out with his roommate and some of his friends. At the time she had lied and told him that she was hanging out with a couple girls on her floor, and had no plans to tell him any differently.

The last thing she needed was Lucas cancelling on his friends to talk to her, which she knows he would do if he found out she was spending her second favorite holiday alone.

So, she ignores the phone call from Maya that she gets, the texts from Asher and the facetime request from Farkle, deciding to turn her phone off, giving the guise of being too busy to respond to any of their messages.

Instead, she pulls out her laptop, opens up the first episode of Red Planet Diaries, deciding a rewatch is the best way to spend her Halloween, pushing away the weird aching feeling in her heart and the quesiness in her stomach. A ghost of a smile plays on her face as the theme song echoes through her empty dorm, and she blinks away the weird tears that are prickling in the corner of her eyes.

She’s okay. She swears.

…

“Ms. Matthews, sorry to keep you waiting, please come in.” Riley’s stomach was in knots as she stood from her chair and gave her professor nervous smile. When she had received the email earlier in the week about wanting to meet with her, Riley had a strange feeling she knew exactly what this meeting was about.

Her economics professor was a kind woman, Dr. Ryland, who looked like she could be someone’s grandmother. In fact with the way her eyes seemed to almost sparkle, and the sincerity behind her smile, she almost reminded Riley of the photos she had seen lining the walls of Lucas’ grandfather’s house of his grandmother, Mabel.

Following her professor into the small, but homey, office, Riley couldn’t help but knot her hands together at her stomach. Taking a seat in the chair across from Dr. Ryland, Riley’s stomach lurched, and she gulped down the bile that was running up the back of her throat. She was so mad at herself for letting this happen, she knew that she shouldn’t have done it, but she couldn’t help it and now she was paying the price.

“Ms. Matthews, I can see that look on your face and I want to assure you that you are in no way in trouble for anything. I know that you probably think that you are, but you’re not. Don’t worry.” That did little to settle Riley’s stomach and she only continued to future knot her fingers together, ignoring the jolts of pain running up and down the length of her arm.

“Sorry, I have a tendency to jump to bad conclusions.” She said weakly, clearing her throat. That certainly wasn’t a lie, she had often been told that she had a flare for the dramatics and always thinking things are way worse than they actually are. She had never thought that was anything wrong with it until now, it seemed like a lot of things about her were wrong these days.

“That’s quite alright, I just wanted to maybe ease your mind a little bit. Now, I bet you did know I called you in here to talk about the fact that you haven’t handed in the most recent paper yet.” Dr. Ryland said, a small smile on her face, and Riley’s heart dropped. “But, I more brought you in here to ask you if everything was alright, I know the first semester of college can be rough for some people, and sometimes they let assignments go because they have a million other thoughts running through their head. So, Ms. Matthews, is everything alright?”

Is everything alright?

That was certainly not the question that Riley had been expecting to answer. She knew deep deep down what the answer really was and for a brief moment she considered opening up to her professor. But then her sense took over, overpowering her silly sensibility and she knew that she needed to nod and say that yeah, everything was fine.

Her professor wasn’t someone who needed to know her stupid, unimportant struggles. She knew herself that they were hardly something she needed to write home about. Her professor had far bigger things to worry about than a silly freshman who was a little lonely and had been sleeping more than usual. So she plastered a smile on her face and forced out a laugh.

“Yeah, I’m fine. I just, I guess I just misinterpreted the syllabus, got a bunch of the dates mixed up. I promise it won’t happen again and I’ll get the paper to you really soon, I promise.” She said, the words flooding out of her mouth before she could stop them, lie after lie whizzing past her lips. Giving another forced smile, she stood from her chair, trying her best to look put together.

“Um, alright. Well, if there’s anything you ever need to talk about Riley, you can come and talk to me. I know I might just seem like a professor, but I promise I care.” A genuine smile flashed across Dr. Ryland’s lips and Riley was fairly certain her professor knew that she was lying, but Riley didn’t have it in her to sit down and tell the truth, no one needed to know all that and she was certain that no one really cared.

“Thank you. See you in class Dr. Ryland.” Riley said quickly, flashing a small grin and exiting the room, ignoring the flush of her face and the hotness of tears that were gathering in the corners of her eyes. Learning her head back against the wall next to the office door, she took three deep breaths, doing her best to slow down her erratic heartbeat.

She really was alright, nothing to concern anyone else with.

…

Riley had decided early in the semester that she wanted to go to Texas for Thanksgiving. That decision had been made following a particularly long skype conversation with Lucas in which she decided that she couldn’t wait until Christmas to see him again, but she wanted the whole thing to be a surprise. So, she called up his grandfather and made all of the plans behind Lucas’ back, Pappy Joe being more than willing to help her orchestrate the whole thing. She knew that Lucas wasn’t the biggest fan of surprises, but she hoped that he would be a fan of this one.

Telling her parents was a rough conversation that she purposefully did over the phone so she wouldn’t have to see her mom’s crestfallen face or her dad’s slight disappointment that she was spending an important family holiday with her boyfriend rather than her family. But, her parents ultimately were understanding that Lucas was just as much her family as they were and that she missed him, and they reasoned that she would home for Christmas and that they had seen her a couple of times since she had started school and she hadn’t seen Lucas since August.

So, the Tuesday before Thanksgiving, Riley found herself standing in JFK airport at about 11am, having rushed after her 8am class so she would have time to breath before her noon flight. Lucas didn’t get out of classes until almost 5, so Pappy Joe would be picking her up from the airport and then they would be making the journey to A&M to pick up Lucas. Then his mother would be joining them on Wednesday.

Riley hadn’t heard anything about whether or not his father would be joining the rest of the family, or if work would once again be keeping him from spending time with his family, not that she believed Kenneth cared either way.

She was a little nervous, mainly because she wasn’t the biggest fan of flying and Lucas still had absolutely no idea she was coming, but for the first time in a while, she was filled with the unmistakable feeling of joyful anticipation.

After months of only seeing Lucas’ face through a computer screen, she would finally get to see him in person and hug him and hear his voice in her ear. It was all she could have asked for and she knew exactly what she was going to be thankful of this year.

The two hours of being in JFK allowed her anticipation to only grow more and more and she briefly wondered if there would be any reason that Lucas might not be as excited to see her as she was him. She quickly pushed those thoughts away, he had told her just the other day on the phone how much he missed her and couldn’t wait until Christmas so they could see each other.

She was just trying to do what she did best, create a miserable situation for herself, she wished she knew how to turn her brain off sometimes, that would be a handly tool.

“Flight 1982 to Austin, Texas now boarding” The loud, droning voice snapped Riley out of her daze and her heart began to flutter and with a smile, she grabbed her bag and loaded onto the plane, excited for the days to come, knowing that this would easily outshine every other memory she had made in college so far.

Whether or not that was a good thing or a bad thing, she couldn’t tell. Nor did she care all too much.

…

The flight to Austin was long and more than once Riley had felt like she was going to throw up because of the turbulence, but before long she was standing in the Austin airport, scanning the crowd for the familiar face of her boyfriend’s grandfather. She knew he would be hard to miss and when her eyes finally landed on him, her smile grew on her face and she couldn’t help but break into a run to greet him.

Chuckling as she wrapped her arms around him, Pappy Joe Friar complied to her hug, squeezing her lightly as she laughed against his shoulder.

“Happy to see you made it just fine.” He said when she finally pulled away. Riley knew that Pappy Joe wasn’t exactly one for mushiness or feelings, so his words definitely held a lot of weight and she was grateful that he was so willing to come and grab her from the airport.

“Happy to be here.” She said, a real smile spreading on her face and happiness filling her up from the tips of her toes to the top of her head. She had dreamed about this since she made the plans months ago, and now she was actually here, it all felt a little too good to be true and she knew that feeling would only amplify when she could to see Lucas again.

“Well, come one now, Lucas called me right before you landed told me that he was all done with his classes and he’s ready to be picked up. Apparently he got done earlier than he expected, so the timing worked out perfectly.” Riley’s heart began to speed up in her chest, she smelt like airplane and looked like she had just rolled out of bed, no doubt, but she hardly cared.

Pappy Joe carried her bag for her, something he insisted on doing, and got her safely in the passenger seat, smiling at her when he walked around the truck and got himself into the driver’s seat. Riley knew that this was a small vehicle and that she would probably end up in between Lucas and Pappy Joe on the way back, but for now, she hardly cared. Besides, being squished up against her boyfriend wasn’t exactly a bad thing, even if his grandfather was the reason why.

It didn’t take them long before they were out on the open road and on their way to A&M, the familiarity of the situation making Riley more emotional than she would have thought. The memories of dropping Lucas off all those months ago hitting her like a freight train.

“So, Riley, how’s college going? Lukey tells me that you’re taking a whole variety of classes, really casting your net.” Riley grinned slightly, of course Lucas would put a positive spin on her slight identity crisis in her attempt to find her passion, he always found a way to make things to do with her positive, even if he had a hard time doing it with himself.

“It’s alright, a little harder than I would have thought, but I’m enjoying it.” That was partially a lie, but add Lucas’ grandfather to the list of people who really didn’t need to know all of her meaningless struggles. She still wasn’t even sure if she was going to say anything to Lucas, based on what she had heard from him, he had been doing nothing but succeeding since college started and she didn’t want to bring him down with her woes.

“Well, from what I know about you, I know that you’ll be fine and that soon enough you’ll be taking NYU by storm, making it all yours.” Pappy Joe grinned at her across the seat and she couldn’t help but smile at him.

Granted she didn’t believe him, but still, the sentiment was enough for now.

…

Pulling up at the A&M campus, it shocked Riley that she had forgotten how large it was. NYU was hardly small, but everything at A&M intimidated her with it’s size, she was almost afraid to get out of the car, nervous that she would be swallowed by the crowd of people. She remembered there being a lot of people, but not this many people.

“Lucas is over in that hall right over there, do you wanna come with me, or stay here. Either way he’ll be surprised so it’s all up to you.” Taking a look out the window, Riley gulped. She couldn’t remember the last time there had been this many people around her and that weird nervous feeling was settling in her stomach again and she was pretty sure she just needed a moment alone before seeing Lucas.

“I’ll wait here, I think that will surprise him more.” She said, a smile falling onto her face. Once Pappy Joe exited the car and left her alone, she took a deep breath. This was a familiar routine for her these days, deep breaths and counting to five. It had worked a for the first couple weeks she exercised the method, but lately she had been taking longer breaths and counting to ten rather than five.

Closing her eyes, she breathed again, counting up to fifteen in her head, picturing her friends and Lucas as she always did, they were her happy place after all. Smiling softly, she opened her eyes again, her heart slamming against her ribcage when she saw Pappy Joe making his way back over to the truck, a very familiar face by his side.

Lucas was smiling as he spoke to his grandfather, and despite the fact that he was probably still 30 feet away, Riley could practically see his eyes sparkling. The sight was her favorite thing in the entire world and she wanted to commit this Lucas image to memory and hold it in her heart forever. Swallowing, she exited the car herself, standing against the door and taking another deep breath, she could hear his laugh now, bright and clear.

“Now, throw your stuff in the back there and then hope in, we gotta get home before it gets too dark.”

She heard him before she saw him, she heard the clunk of his backpack in the back of the truck, the sound of his boots against the pavement before they stopped in their tracks, no doubt out of shock.

“Riley?” His voice was soft and she almost forgot what it sounded like when it wasn’t muffled through a phone or a webcam. She was teary eyed again and this time she didn’t make the effort to push away her tears, too focused on launching herself into his arms, knowing that she didn’t have to worry about him catching her. He always did.

He didn’t say anything, just chuckled softly against her hair, and she could only smile into his shoulder. She wasn’t exactly sure how long they stood like that, but she didn’t care, she could have stayed here for the rest of her life and had a life well lived.

She was finally home again.

…

Lucas and her didn’t talk much on the way back to Pappy Joe’s ranch, not because they had nothing to say, but because they knew that everything they wanted to say was more suited for late night whispers than it was sitting in a cramped truck with his grandfather.

So instead, they settled for holding hands, Riley was fairly certain that now that they were together, she was going to have to be pried away from him, she never wanted to let go of his hand, and based on how tightly he was holding their fingers together, he felt the same way.

“You okay?” He whispered next to he ear when she adjusted in her seat for what felt like the millionth time. Riding in the hump of a one bench truck wasn’t nearly as fun as any of the teen movies she had seen made it out to be.

“Yeah, never better.” She said, a genuine smile falling across her face. And she meant that. Despite all of her discomfort, she didn’t think she had been filled with this much joy since their summer roadtrip. She could have been bleeding out from a bullet wound, but if she had Lucas by her side, she would be filled with nothing but joy.

“Me too.” He whispered again, squeezing her fingers gently, the soft smile on his face giving her butterflies. They had been together for over four years now and she still felt like a nervous seventh grader around him sometimes, and it was a feeling that she never would have traded for the world.

It didn’t take long for them to be pulling up in front of Pappy Joe’s ranch and Riley grinned at the familiar sight. Despite only having been here twice in her life, it felt like a home away from home to her. She felt safe and comfortable here, which is something she was missing in other aspects of her life, so she was going to soak up this feeling while it lasted.

Lucas’ hand never dropped from hers, even as he reached into the back of the truck to grab his and her bags, which much like his grandfather, he insisted on grabbing for her, and Riley was glad. She knew that the second he let go, she would miss him.

Slowly, they made their way up the stairs of the porch after his grandfather, who had quickly gone inside to see Sheila and make sure that she had enough food and water and hadn’t destroyed anything while he was gone, apparently she had recently gotten into the habit of chewing socks.

“I forgot how amazing it was here.” She said when they were on the porch, looking around at the setting sun, the pink and red tones that painted the sky. For a brief moment she wished that Maya was here, the sky reminding her of her best friend’s beautiful artwork.

“Even more so, now.” Lucas replied, a small smirk on his lips. She laughed, bumping him with her hip. “No seriously, I was excited about Thanksgiving, because I’ve missed Pappy Joe and my mom, but this just makes it even better, you being here.” He said sincerely, pressing a kiss to her forehead. Her heart fluttered.

“Well, I’m happy I’m here.”

“I’m surprised you’re here though, mainly because I have no idea you were coming,” he laughs softly and she grins, leaning into him slightly, “and also because I can’t imagine your parents being ok with you being here instead of with them on a major family holiday.” She sighs softly, putting her head on his shoulder, and his arm immediately moved around her waist, not quite ready to let her go, which she completely understood.

“Trust me, you having no idea I was coming was all a part of my master plan.” He chuckles again, and she can feel his head shaking against her hair. “As for my parents, I gave a very solid and steady argument that you are just as much a part of my family as they are and I hadn’t seen you since August, whereas they got to see me a month ago. Not to mention that they’ve had 18 years of my Thanksgivings, they can afford missing me for one.”

While all of her words were spoken with nothing but truth behind them, those were all the arguments she had given her parents in her efforts to get them to say yes to her plans. She didn’t tell them, or anyone for that matter, that she had started to feel out of place.

That weird unsettling feeling that had first crawled into her heart the first time she had gone home for fall break, had yet to go away and she was afraid that it would have only become worse at Thanksgiving.

Lucas didn’t respond, instead tilting her chin up to kiss her gently, smiling against her lips. The crisp Texas air swirled around them and she felt a shiver run up her spin, but knew that it had nothing to do with the wind. Lucas had always had this effect on her and she guessed that it only increased due to their time apart, this is the first time they had kissed in months and she was surprised that she didn’t combust on the spot.

“Dinner’s on the table! Come get it while it’s hot!” Pappy Joe called from inside, promptly separating them and causing Riley to giggle.

Her heart was rising like a balloon, and she hoped to god it never popped.

…

Later that night, after devouring plenty of Pappy Joe’s chili, Riley hadn’t been that hungry, but she knew Pappy Joe wouldn’t take no for an answer, and didn’t want to worry either him or Lucas, her and Lucas are laying in his childhood bedroom, both silent in their contemplation of the day’s event.

Originally Pappy Joe had been weary about them staying together in Lucas’ room, but Grace was set to stay in the guest room, and it was just easier for Riley to start out in Lucas’ room with him.

“I’m really glad that you came.” Lucas whispers after a long while of silence. Riley’s head is laying against his chest, her ear pressed against his heart. It had been too long since she was able to fall asleep to the sound of his heartbeat. She hadn’t realized how much she had truly missed it until now. Lucas’ fingers are lazily running through her hair and she’s never experienced quite as much peace as she does in this moment.

“I am too.” She mutters against his shirt, nuzzling her nose against his t-shirt. She smiles widely when she feels his lips press a kiss to the top of her head, and she tightens her grip on him, not wanting to let go, she never wants to let him go.

“I was kind of afraid for this Thanksgiving, I don’t know why, I think I just thought it might be awkward without my dad, and then me, my mom and Pappy Joe would just pretend that it was fine that he wasn’t here.” She can hear the apprehension in his voice, and she knows that despite all the progress he had made in the last year, opening up about this kind of stuff still was hard for him, even to her.

“Yeah, your grandpa mentioned something like that.” She doesn’t really know what else to say, she knows that he’s not exactly looking to be comforted, and listening is the best thing she can do right now. She presses a kiss to his t-shirt covered heart, and she can feel him smile against the top of her head.

“Yeah, I mean, it’s not that big a deal, holidays have always been….” he pauses and she lifted her eyelids up to look at him, she can see him contemplating his next words, there’s a weird pain in his eyes that she hasn’t seen in awhile and she squeezes her grip on his torso slightly, “weird, maybe this year it will just be less weird because you’re here.” He finishes, a small smile falling upon his face and she looks at her, the pain in his eyes replaced with a much more familiar look that brings butterflies to her stomach.

She doesn’t reply, instead leaning up to kiss him, sighing as their lips press together. He deepens their kiss, adjusting her so she’s more on top of him, moving his hands to her hips, under the hem of her (his) sweatshirt. She giggles, pulling away from him and nuzzling their noses together.

“I love you.” He mutters, pushing some of her hair behind her ear and pressing his forehead against hers.

“I love you, too.”

And that’s enough for now.

…

Halfway into Thanksgiving, Riley finds herself sitting on the couch in Pappy Joe’s living room, Grace Friar sitting next to her, excitedly telling her about the new manuscript she was writing. She could vaguely hear Lucas and his grandfather speaking in the kitchen, but she couldn’t make out what exactly it was that they were talking about.

“So Riley, what about you? Lucas never tells me about you when we talk on the phone, my guess is that he’s trying to keep you all to himself.” Grace said, an easy smile falling up on her face. Riley clams up, she had been trying so hard to keep the conversation away from herself, when talking to everyone in the Friar family.

Yesterday, Pappy Joe had asked her about her classes while she was washing the dishes and he was making his breakfast for the next morning, and she had stumbled through a story about her English class, saying nothing about her failing grades and uncomfortable meetings with her professors.

It was even harder with Lucas, they had spent almost every second together since she had arrived and she had made a conscious effort to keep the conversation on him, constantly asking him about his friends and his classes. More than once he had asked her about something going on in her life, and she had forced a smile and a short, and simple answer that wouldn’t entice any more questions from him.

She could tell that he was getting confused, and concerned, she saw the hurt in his eyes when she avoided his questions and she knew that he probably assumed she was keeping something from him, which wasn’t a total lie. She just, didn’t think anything going on with her was important enough to dominate a conversation, and she wanted to hear all about his life.

“What about me? There’s not much to say about me.” She said with a small shrug, taking a small sip of the iced tea in her hand.

“What’s going on with you? How’s school going?” Grace asked, nudging Riley’s knee with her own. Riley opened her mouth to answer, before closing it. She had to tread lightly here, while there was a certain something about Grace Friar that made Riley want to open up to her, she knew that if she said too much, information could get back to Lucas and she didn’t want that to happen.

“School is alright, it’s freshman year so I’m still trying to find my passion. But it’s good.” She said, smiling tightly. She cleared her throat and brought her cup to her lips once more. Grace had a weird look on her face, like she could tell that Riley wasn’t telling her something, but she chose not to comment, instead standing from the couch and squeezing Riley’s shoulder as she did so.

“I’m glad Riley, I hope that you find your passion, you helped Lucas find his and you deserve to find yours.” She said with a grin, dropping her hand from her shoulder and entering the kitchen. She could hear her lightly tease Pappy Joe about how long dinner was taking and Lucas’ light laughter, which caused her smile softly.

However, there was a dull ache in her heart as she listened to the warmth and joy of the family in the next room, and despite knowing that she was welcome here. She still felt like she was intruding, she wasn’t a real member of this family, she wasn’t entangled in it’s threads, she was an outsider learning the ropes. This wasn’t her place yet.

She didn’t truly belong here and it was starting to feel like she didn’t belong anywhere.

…

“I don’t want you to go.” Lucas whined slightly against her hair as his arms tightened around her. She giggled, ignoring the feeling of dread in her stomach. Ignoring the weird loneliness she had felt on Thanksgiving, the last couple days had been everything that she needed but she feared for the emptiness that was waiting for her back in New York.

“I don’t want to go either, but I have to.” She said, pulling away so she could look at him. They were standing in the terminal of the airport, not wanting to separate until absolutely necessary. “Besides, we’ll be together again in a couple weeks when you come home for Christmas.”

Lucas nodded, looking at his feet for a second, causing Riley to panic. “You are still coming home for Christmas, right?”

“Yeah, of course I am.” Lucas said, nodding his head quickly and pulling her in for another hug. “These next couple weeks are just gonna be really hard. I don’t want to have to wait that long to see you again.” He muttered, taking a deep breath and nudging his nose against the skin of her neck.

“Well, we’ve survived this long haven’t we.” She gave him a tight smile, not wanting to show him how much this was actually hurting her, because he knew he would try and do something to make her feel better, when there was really nothing he could actually do.

“Yeah, I just know I’m gonna miss you.” He said simply, pulling away and pressing his lips against hers softly. Riley knew their time together was coming to an end, her flight was in an hour and she needed to go through security still, but she didn’t want to leave him. Not yet.

“I’m gonna miss you too.” She said, leaning her forehead against his, he smiled softly and the dull ache in her heart grew, even if her stomach was fluttering. “I have to go, my flight is soon and security is going to take a long time.”

She knew she had to pull away, if she didn’t she would never want to leave him. Taking a step away from him, she squeezed his hand, giving him a watery smile. She didn’t want to break down in front of him, she couldn’t.

Willing herself to turn away, she gave him one last wave before she fully turned her back to him, ignoring the searing pain in her heart as she did so. She didn’t have the energy push her tears away.

She went through the motions of getting her boarding pass and going through security, ignoring the weird looks from other people, nervously whispering about the girl crying to herself. The rest of the people in the terminal sat away from her, clearly uncomfortable with her puffy face. Riley hated herself for not being better at concealing her emotions, she hadn’t wanted to cry, not like this. Not here.

But she cried all the way back to New York, her heart not following her, stuck back in Texas.

…

The couple of weeks between Thanksgiving and Christmas were bleak and grey and Riley didn’t even feel like she was inhabiting her own body as she went through the motions of her classes. She didn’t do much of leaving her room, just going to class and then returning to her humble abode and either sleeping or doing the minimal amount homework that she had to.

She had been making an effort since talking to Dr. Ryland to improve herself in economics, but unfortunately her other grades were suffering now too. She was sure that her English class was the only class that she was staying afloat in.

The worst part? She didn’t even care.

She had always wanted to do well in school, that had been something ingrained in her since she was old enough to get grades. Part of that was pressure from her parents, but a lot of it was her own pressure on herself to do well. To make her parents proud. To make her friends proud. To make her teachers proud. Now, she had none of that drive in her anymore.

She didn’t want to disappoint anyone, but for some reason, she couldn’t bring herself to actually try any harder.

The two weeks between break and finals week were some of the hardest of Riley’s life. She was lonely, and the changing weather and the anticipation of the upcoming holiday weren’t making her feel any better. She was nervous to return home, the memory of the emptiness she had felt last time she was in the presence of her family still stung a little bit and she wasn’t sure if she was quite ready to face them all again.

But she also couldn’t bear to stay in this dorm room a second longer, it was like being in a prison, or a hospital, so bleak and cold. Despite all of her efforts to make it her own, pictures of her friends and family lining the walls, the sketch that Maya gifted her sitting right above her pillow, it still feels empty and unlived in.

She didn’t want to be in school, or at home. So where did she want to be? Where did she belong?

It was starting to feel like she might never figure that out.

…

Finals were a blessing and a curse. A blessing because it meant that she was finally done with her classes for the semester, no more supply and demand and dissections for her. But a curse because, that meant studying and taking exams on subjects that she had been stumbling through all semester.

The only saving grace was that it was only a couple more days before she would be reunited with all of her friends, it had been rough without them all semester and she was dying to see them again and maybe they would bring her that wholeness that she had been craving, and living without for the last four months.

“Well, I guess I’ll see you in a month.” Riley’s roommate, Hannah, droned from her side of the room as she watched Riley pack up her stuff. Riley had just completed her last final and was desperate to get out of this dorm room.

“Yeah, guess so.” She forced out a tight smile to her roommate, a weird silence following. Hannah and her had spoken maybe a total of ten words to each other all semester, Riley had almost forgotten what her voice sounded like. She knew that it was silly, to have hoped that her and her roommate would have become friends, but there’s a small sting knowing that these words are probably the most they’ve exchanged in one conversation all semester.

“Have a good break.” Hannah says, getting off of her bed and grabbing her jacket from the hook. “See you later.” And with a nod of her head, she departs their room, the irony of their last conversation of the semester peaking at three sentences, and being the longest they’ve had settling over the room once Hannah has left.

Riley decides not to focus on it too much, her lack of friendship with her roommate being the last thing she really wanted to think about. That and the biology exam that she no doubt bombed. Exams had been rough, she might have been able to pull out an ok grade in her math class. She had no worries about her English class, but biology and economics would be a waiting game to see whether or not she had made the grade.

Shaking all thoughts of school and Hannah and grades and every lousy thing and feeling she had had this past semester, Riley shoved the last of her stuff into her backpack, taking a quick scan of her room to see if she had forgotten anything. Once she had surmised that everything she needed was packed away in her bags, she grabbed her stuff and departed the room without a second glance.

Moving through the dorm hallways, she bit her lip slightly as she noticed a couple pairs of parents helping their kids move things from their dorm rooms, hugging and excitedly chatting about the holidays and how much fun they had had during their first semester of college.

It makes Riley think back to the text she had gotten from her mother the other day, asking her what time they could expect her, informing her that there might be no one home and she would have to let herself in with her key.

She knew it was silly, to expect her parents to come and get her when she could easily get on the subway and return home by herself, but it still hurt. She would never say anything to anyone about it though, she was oversensitive, a lot of things that made her sad wouldn’t cause anyone else any amount of distress. She was just being Riley after all, overdramatic about the smallest little things.

God, she couldn’t stand herself, sometimes.

The ride from NYU back to her apartment was shorter than she had remembered, unlike the last time she had returned home, she wasn’t filled with that same anticipation. She supposed that being filled with dread made time move much faster, dread wanted her suffer quickly rather than wait around.

Shuffling slowly up the stairs of her building, her stomach swirled and knotted with each step that she took to her front door. She didn’t even really know why she was dreading all of this so much, because of one measly feeling she had experienced over fall break? Her parents would probably be thrilled to see her and Auggie had never expressed anything other than delight at her presence, so she had nothing to worry about, right?

Sighing to herself as she reached the front door of her apartment, she could hear voices on the other side of the door, her mother’s crisp, clean laughter rippling through the air. Her stomach lurched, her heart speeding up in her chest. She was about to push the front door open when her phone dinged from her back pocket.

A real genuine smile overtook her features as she read the message on the screen, very few people had that kind of effect on her and right now, it was what she truly needed.

Lucas Friar ♥: My flight tomorrow is at 1, so I’ll be back in the city by tomorrow night. Hope all of your exams went well, I know you were worried about some of them. Can’t wait to see you tomorrow. Love you.

So, with those words in her heart, she takes a deep breath and crosses over the threshold, not quite sure what to expect on the other side.

#riley matthews #riley matthews fic #rucas #rucas fic #rucas squad #fanfic*#sott #listen y'all i'm....deceased #this fic might actually kill me but i'm excited #the title of the fic has nothing to do with the actual fic itself i just am #obsessed OBSESSED #with that song and i like the title #so anyways #i'm really proud of this

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