#she writes back in a way that makes it abundantly clear that her reading comprehension is worse than mine

[robotslenderman]

Me: not diagnosed with ADHD until 23, knows what it's like to go with no meds and fuck up everything she touches Also me: please dear god can the woman who's on on weekends get diagnosed and get on meds already so she can stop fucking up everything she touches

[foeseekerwriter]

Let’s Shred Voltron

Here’s a rather rambling, non-comprehensive breakdown of the ways VLD has royally screwed over its entire cast. Because I’m fed up and needed to get some of this off my chest so I could move on with other projects.

Allura is now a Workaholic Married to the Job. This girl is being made to do everything—be the team’s main diplomat and the leader of the Voltron Coalition (whose alleged size and scope makes the UN look like a children’s play group; this unto itself is a job for at least ten people), be the heart of Voltron by encouraging the rest of the team and giving them advice, pilot the Blue Lion (which entails plenty of dangerous and exhausting aerial and hand-to-hand combat), generate wormholes, be the “support brain” with her knowledge of alien tech/culture/races/etc.—the list could probably go on. This poor girl has been turned into the show’s workhorse, and not even realistically so either. She should be exhausted, worn out, maybe not broken—at least in her resolve—but completely drained by being pulled every which way all the time. But she’s the same enthusiastic, inspiring, almost peppy girl we met at the beginning, which implies that either Alteans have utterly incomprehensible reserves of energy or that the writers don’t care about writing her realistically, they just want her to do all their work for them.

This noble princess has also now been effectively dethroned, with the loss of the Castle and her crown—despite the fact that there are Alteans still out there who, now that Lotor is gone, will quite possibly be looking to her for leadership. This loss of any significant position of power or status aside from being the pilot of the Blue Lion was made abundantly clear when Allura, technically the ruler of the Altean diaspora and leader of the Voltron coalition, was put into a Galaxy Garrison cadet uniform. This was an insult to all the paladins, but most especially to Allura, as it indicates she is now subservient to a government military organization for a country and planet she isn’t even a resident or citizen of (a la the Avengers submitting to a government agency via the Accords in CA:CW). Allura has been stripped of any and all reasons for recognition except her status as a paladin. That (aside from her doing almost all the work to get everything done) is the only reason she still remains relevant.

She’s also been put into relationship roulette. I am thoroughly convinced that Monsanto was setting her up to be paired with Keith during the first two seasons (they spend a lot of time together, and aside from Keith and Shiro’s relationship theirs was developed by far the most out of anyone on the team during that time). Then, when the fans didn’t jump on board that ship and (at least when Allura was involved) tended to look more toward Lance or Shiro as possible romantic interests for her, they did their usual waffling routine and backed off, sticking a toe into the Shallura pool (the “hand touch” bit in S2 and the seesawing tension between Allura and Kuron) before doing their level best to get Shiro out of the story completely and sticking Allura with Lance instead. Now, I’m not against the trope where the guy has a crush on the girl and the girl at first doesn’t like him but eventually comes around (see Han Solo and Princess Leia for one of my favorite examples of this being done properly), but in this particular instance it feels more like the girl being turned into a plot device and stuck with whatever guy the writers decide doesn’t have enough payoff in the story otherwise. It’s fully possible that, written right, Lance and Allura could have ended up together quite plausibly. But the way it has actually been done—extremely arbitrarily with little development of their relationship or healthy growth of either character—it’s a travesty for both of these wonderful people.

Shiro has been taken from his position as The Leader and The Hero, which he filled far more effectively than Keith (see my Sorting Hat Chats analysis of the characters, as well as below) and been turned into fourth tree from the left (right alongside Coran, Krolia, and Romelle). He’s been given the consolation prize of piloting the ridiculous and totally stupid and unnecessary Atlas, but aside from that he—rather like Allura with her status as Blue Lion pilot—has no other relevance to the story.

Plus (and this is a major bone I have to pick with Monsanto) he was arbitrarily given a magic muscle disease that has never been mentioned or alluded to at any point before S7—and then Word of God revoked its existence in the show’s present time because “he’s technically a clone so he’s magically cured.” Aside from this appalling behind-the-scenes wand-waving being an absolute and total writing mortal sin, it makes absolutely no sense because Keith apparently knew about it and yet made no mention of it for six seasons, even when his friend, who apparently needed magical wristbands to keep him healthy, was in an alien prison for a year with no treatment. Shiro should be a total decrepit wreck in 1x01 after going that long without proper treatment. Yet he’s not only fine, he’s able to engage in hand-to-hand combat with five enemies less than two days after escaping (see the 1x01 fight in the cruiser hangar). This is deus ex machina at its absolute and total worst.

And… okay, I’m going to really rant for a bit. Buckle up, buttercups, it’s about to get messy.

So down to brass tacks: Shiro and Adam’s relationship. I don't care if you want to view it as romantic or platonic. Any way you slice it, portraying this relationship as loving, affectionate, and admirable in canon or fandom is an insult to anyone who has loved ones willingly going into danger or away from home for long periods of time—astronauts, military members, law enforcement, firefighters, pilots, sailors, students studying abroad, missionaries and social workers in foreign countries, heck, let's throw in a good chunk of scientists for good measure, as well as the canon characters Colleen and Katie Holt, the McClain and Garrett families, and Mr. Kogane. And that's just the first ones that come to my mind. There are many, many others.

Let’s take a look first at exactly what was involved in the infamous “don’t count on me being here” scene. Shiro has some weird disease that means his health is going to decline in a few more years (see the bone picking above). Despite protests from higher-ups (which, this being a military organization, an admiral saying that a lieutenant cannot/should not participate in a mission should have utterly slammed the door on even the possibility of Shiro going), Shiro has decided to go on the Kerberos mission. Back in 1x05 Sam Holt referred to being in space for “the next two months”. Because Pidge, normally a very accurate scientist, said “it takes months for our ships to get out here” in 1x01 when passing Kerberos, I’m going to give Sam the benefit of the doubt and assume the “two months” is referring to the trip to Kerberos only. So, two months there, two months back, probably no more than two weeks exploring (this is to a degree a token voyage, after all; presumably after its success more rigorous explorations would be conducted). So I’ll give it a generous total time of five months, at most. Five months. Foreign exchange students are gone from home longer than that. And, considering the amount of contact modern astronauts are able to have with people back on Earth, I highly doubt the Kerberos guys were radio silent during their trip. And despite his apparent muscle problem there are no health ramifications for Shiro going on the mission (as in, going won’t make his condition worse). So we’re looking at five months of long-distance relationship, essentially. This is way, way better than many people with loved ones in, say, the military get.

Now, "Don't count on me being here when you get back"—this is emotional manipulation, plain and simple, using threats to the relationship as leverage to get what the speaker wants out of the other person. It is almost identical to saying "if you do X I'll never speak to you again" or "if you do X I'll break up with you", a common verbal threat tactic in abusive relationships. I have a good friend who was in a relationship like this, and the ugliness of that breakup has ramifications even years later, both socially and in my friend's mental well-being. I also knew other people in (non-romantic) friendships with somebody who used similar types of phrases and manipulation to get them to do what she wanted. The strain ultimately tore apart the friend group. These sorts of phrases and tactics are red flags of the highest degree and indicate a relationship that is in no way, shape, or form healthy.

So. Adam doesn't want Shiro to leave for the five-month trip, ostensibly for Shiro's health. But we have no indication that the Kerberos Mission poses any sort of risk to Shiro's health, preexisting medical conditions included. Which means what's really at stake here is Adam just doesn't want Shiro to go and is using any possible reason or tactic, no matter how flimsy or manipulative, to push that goal. This is horribly self-centered and appears to be based entirely in a selfish desire to have Shiro around as much as possible for as long as possible without any consideration for Shiro's desires and dreams (it's made pretty clear that the Garrison, space exploration, and the Kerberos Mission have been Shiro’s dream and goal for years if not his whole life). To even consider this as anything less than selfish possessiveness is dangerous and downright insulting to Shiro, as well as to every single person who has loved ones gone for long periods of time and/or in dangerous circumstances.

Net result: no matter how you read Shiro and Adam's relationship, we should all be glad that Shiro GOT OUT.

(And relationship drama is possibly one of the oldest, cheapest methods for easy plot tension out there. It requires little to no effort on the part of the writer and can create lots of drama without anybody getting developed, just lots of “but you said you loved me!” type stuff ad nauseam. The families of the other paladins have gotten developed, or at the very least been given cameos; why not, instead of using a cheap relationship trick to give fourth-tree-from-the-left Shiro any sort of interest in S7 at all, give us some background info on him? All we know about him is that he worked for the Garrison. We know nothing about his parents, if he has any siblings… we could have gotten so much more, and yet the writers stuck us with this idiotic hogwash.)

Okay, mini-mega-rant over. Moving on…

Keith’s been strongarmed into a leadership role for which he is painfully not suited. To make this square-peg-in-round-hole setup work the writers have copy-pasted a good chunk of Shiro’s personality on top of the erstwhile lone wolf, turning Keith into a schizophrenic who oscillates wildly between inspiring noble leader and the shy, blunt, anger-prone guy we all came to love in the first two seasons. (That is not to say Keith is incapable of being a good leader; see aforementioned Sorting Hat Chats analysis. But this is not the way to get Keith to be a good leader.) To prevent this poor jerry-rigged human from being completely outshone, Shiro has, as I said before, been stripped of almost all personality and pushed as far back into the scenery as possible without disappearing entirely (and Monsanto has outright said they think he’s dumb and boring and wanted to get rid of him. But they were afraid of fan backlash when, for some weird reason, the fans actually liked him. So they didn’t kill him off and opted instead to be their usual spineless chicken selves and not pick a plotline, nominally keeping him around while making Shiro pretty much useless).

Lance is being made to operate as “Voltron’s right hand,” which runs counter to the lore established in S1 and 2 and, thanks to Keith’s writer-induced schizophrenia, means he’s actually leading Voltron by proxy because Keith has latched onto him as the strategist and moral compass (when Keith’s “Shiro personality” isn’t coming out). This has locked Lance into a particular role, when he actually operates best shifting to fit whatever role the situation calls for (again, see the Sorting Hat Chats analysis for more on this). The poor guy is really starting to come across as dragged over the coals and put on the rack; he’s take an awful beating at the hands of the writers and is worn down and damaged with no sign of relief. He seems to be getting Allura as a consolation prize, but as I said before this is a disservice to both of these characters and really just throws Lance’s suffering in his face.

Hunk and Pidge have largely been left by the wayside. Hunk was barely a step up from joining the line of trees in the first place, as the balmera arc was the only place he really shone (he’s had a few bits in episodes here and there, maybe—maybe—once a season, but more as a “look, we haven’t forgotten he exists!” thing than any sort of real character development). And Pidge, once she completed her “find my family” arc, faded into the background right along with Hunk. She tends to be a smidge more prominent than he does, if only because she’s the computer geek—and because she’s the team’s other girl, since Monsanto is all over that doggone “representation” bandwagon—but she’s largely served her purpose and now is simply the tech whiz plot device.

And… oh, good Lord. Don’t even get me started on the rest of the cast. Coran has never gotten a huge amount of development, but to be fair he’s always kind of been a goofy Alfred so it makes sense that we wouldn’t peel back his layers too much. He’s nominally interesting but largely there to help the other characters do their thing. But all the Holts have pretty much just been pawns in Pidge’s arc—we’ve seen so little of Matt Holt as to have no real idea of his personality at all (most of what we “know” is actually fandom-developed), and although Sam proved useful for the “return to Earth” bit he’s only gotten a little more development than his son. Krolia too was pretty much just a plot device for Keith’s arc and finding the Altean colony; since then she’s just disappeared into the scenery to become second tree from the left. Romelle has earned true MacGuffin status, as the literal only thing she has done for the story is reveal Lotor’s treachery (despite the fact that she, along with Krolia, is a powerpack of a character and could probably take down the empire single-handed if given the opportunity).

Plus the villains have been shortchanged along with everyone else. Part of the reason, I think, so many people loved Lotor as a bad guy was because he actually had a pretty good motive and a well-developed personality. He was a whole person. Zarkon kinda was, a bit, since he was obsessed with the Black Lion and that at least gave him some sort of drive. But Haggar? Who, by the way, we haven’t seen since S6? Sendak? Pshh, please. Why on earth would Monsanto bother to give the bad guys motivation and personality? That would distract from Keith’s leadership arc, and Allurance! And—and space wolf! And explosions! And look, Voltron has a new power, so don’t look at the man behind the curtain through the plot holes you could drag a planet through!

I am so done with all this nonsense. So I’m going to go fix everything with fanfiction. Bye.

P.S. “Monsanto” is my admittedly derogatory version of “Monsantos”, the contraction I’ve often seen used to refer to Lauren Montgomery and Joaquim Dos Santos, the executive producers and master-not-minds of VLD.

[hrrytomlinson]

here are a bunch of fics I’ve enjoyed and loved reading throughout the month of may. I recommend that you read these great fics in june, if you haven’t already.

(all fics with a star are my favorites and if there are two stars then it was a favorite favorite)

1. Dance to the Distortion (96k)*

Louis accidentally breaks Harry's camera lens and in order to get it fixed, they decide to participate in a romantic couples study. The only issue is that they are not actually couple. Well that and the fact they cannot stand each other. 

2. Above Your Head (57k)**

What happens when an unstoppable object meets an immovable force?

Space AU. Louis is an astronaut. Harry works for Mission Control. They don't get along.

3. Curveball (15k)

“So when are you two getting married?”

Harry froze. Shit, shit, shit, this completely went against his whole ‘keep it casual’ stance he’d been planning on keeping. He didn’t know what he was supposed to say.

Louis shrugged. “I don’t know, I mean, we haven’t really discussed that.”

“Yeah,” Harry agreed. “I mean, if it happens, then it happens. You know… Whatever.”

Whatever? Harry thought to himself. Did I really just say ‘whatever’ to when I’m getting married? When it's all I've been thinking of for weeks?

Harry couldn't believe himself. He knew he told himself to keep it casual and not put too much pressure on Louis for the idea of getting engaged, but for fuck’s sake, that was probably too casual.

Does Louis think I don’t want to get married now? What if he thinks I’m not ready for it? What if I just put him off proposing even longer?

He couldn’t shake the fear that he’d really just messed up.

Or, the Runner on Third sequel where Harry really wants to get engaged, and Louis doesn't seem to be picking up on that. Harry may or may not drop a few hints that are anything but subtle.

4. My Sweetest Downfall (42k)**

Louis is a retired guardian angel. After the death of his last charge, he became jaded. Humans die—what use is prolonging the inevitable?

He's more than happy to forget about humanity altogether until one day, when Louis is pulled from his desk job for a new assignment: protect One Direction's Harry Styles. It doesn't help that there's something about Harry that Louis can't resist, and it's making him question everything he's ever known. Humans are strictly off limits, and breaking that rule means risking everything, but Harry just might be worth it.

This is a story about forgiveness and discovery, featuring an angel who wants to be a little more human and a human who is so much more than he seems.

5. Suited For You (4k)*

“Louis Tomlinson, you have had that suit for almost ten years. It is time to get a new one, and it is time to get a good one.” Unfortunately, he could tell his mother wouldn’t budge. The discussion was over. They said goodbye, and Louis immediately dialed his sister Lottie.

She picked up straight away, “You have to get the suit, Lou.”

“Argh!” Louis yelled, hanging up on her. He missed his old flip phone, hanging up on someone was so much more satisfying.

Louis' family convinces him that he needs a new suit for some upcoming special events in his life. 

6. The World Turned Upside Down (71k)**

In September 1984, Harry Styles starts at Manchester Polytechnic with two goals: to take pictures and to join the Lesbian and Gay Society. He’s never paid much attention to the news, but everyone he meets in Manchester supports the miners. He realises how right they are when he meets Louis Tomlinson, a striking miner who flirts with him. A month later they are both at the founding meeting of Manchester Lesbians and Gays Support the Miners, trying to bring down the government. Through letters and visits they build a relationship, in a world very much not of their own choosing.

Manchester and Doncaster in the 1980s are grim, hopeful and alive. Niall is president of the Young Labour club, Nick Grimshaw is in love with the singer of an up and coming band, Fizzy wants to know more about the women of Greenham Common and Harry and Louis are brave.

A Lesbians and Gays Support the Miners/Pride AU.

7. Nocturnal Creatures Are Not So Prudent (24k)

Louis spins a finger in midair, like he’s indicating someone to turn around, staring pointedly at Liam as the faucet turns itself on and the can rinses itself in the sink behind him. Liam, moon burn him, doesn't rise to the bait, choosing instead to lean back on his stool and wrapping his hands around his own mug.

“Anyway, like I was saying and that you were ignoring, there's this new club near my school and I want you to go with me. Could do you some good, getting out once in awhile.”

Louis is a white witch with a little black cat named Hemlock and a best human friend Liam (they're a lot like Samantha Stephens and Louise Tate). When he's dragged out to a new club Liam's heard about from a friend and classmate, Louis comes face to face with that which witches do not touch: a charming vampire by the name of Harry.

8. When It’s Late At Night (25k)

Louis has zero interest in an ex-boybander turned solo artist when his appearance on the show gets announced, but that's exactly who he gets stuck with when Harry Styles shows up at the Late Late show to promote the release of his debut album. For an entire fucking week.

Or The Late Late prompt that we all need to get through this excruciatingly hard time. 

9. Why Can’t It Be Like That (63k)

Louis Tomlinson, head of his local hospital's charity fund, suddenly finds himself in the heart of the Royal family when his mother marries the third son of the reigning monarch. Such an upset in lifestyle brings a lot of changes for Louis, one of them being the need for a stylist.

Enter Harry Styles, a cutting edge fashion stylist who loves his job and prides himself on his passion. The first time he sees Louis Tomlinson on the cover of a tabloid he wants to dress him, style him, make him as beautiful as Harry knows he could be. When he's hired to do just that, he knows this will be a perfect partnership. That is, until he actually meets the man.

A fashion AU with a royal twist, where Louis doesn't need a stylist, Harry's thrilled to have a real life Barbie doll, and they're both very wrong about each other.

10. Looking Through You (41k)*

Just as Louis and Liam were starting out in the music industry, writing and producing for up and coming artists, a fateful meeting with new pop singer Harry Styles changes everything. Four years later, just as Harry is set to embark on his next world tour, a drunken confession causes a rift between once inseparable friends. As Harry tries to make sense of his feelings for Louis, he begins writing his next album to express them as it may be the only way to break through the walls that Louis has built between them.

11. Never Be Ready (7k)

“Remember the documentary film program in Los Angeles? The one that I got waitlisted for? They called me this morning and said that a spot opened up and they offered it to me.”

“That’s great!” Louis says, and he means it. “When do you come back?”

He and Harry have spent every summer of their lives together. Surely Harry won’t ruin that perfect record.

“The middle of August,” Harry says, clearly thrilled at the prospect of spending ten weeks in California, and Louis’ heart sinks to his stomach like a stone in the sea.

A high school AU where a summer without Harry makes Louis realize that he wants to be a little bit more than best friends.

12. Never Gonna Dance Again (55k)**

Harry is quiet for a moment and his fingers feel like they’re burning past the fabric of Louis’ jumper, branding his skin. “Can I kiss you?"

This is where Louis should walk away and leave Harry to pirouette and cambré by himself in the faint moonlight shining through the windows. He is a spy and Harry is a dancer. There are lines that should not be crossed.

Louis surges forward.

Louis is a spy and Harry is a dancer. The only real thing they know is each other.

13. Atlas At Last (83k)**

He doesn’t know what he had been expecting out of the road trip itself besides burping contests and too much shitty gas station food with Oli and Stan, but in the brief moment before Harry ambles up his driveway, Louis idly wonders if this is about to become some sort of Gay Coming of Age story.

Maine to California in ten days. In which Zayn’s an open-shirt hippie they meet somewhere in Ohio, Liam’s the pastor’s son running away from home, and Niall’s the number they call on the bathroom wall.

It’s 1978. Harry and Louis are just trying to get to San Fran in time for the Queen concert.

14. Adore You (66k)**

“We invited our new acquaintances from uptown. You’ve simply got to meet their oldest son!” said his mother with a flourish, and suddenly it became abundantly clear as to why his parents had so adamantly demanded he join them in Deansville for the entirety of the summer.

Against his wishes, Harry spends the holidays at his family’s summer estate, and is reluctantly pulled into a courtship he didn’t ask for. Harry doesn’t want to get married, but Louis does. They don’t fit, but then again they really, really do.

Vaguely set in the 1920’s. Headpieces, jazz, fashionable canes, and flapper dresses, and that.

15. We’ve Got to Get Away from Here (23k)**

“It is my understanding that you are the most comprehensive member of this agency in the field of extraterrestrial life, is that right?” the agent asks. He’s trying to sound calm, but Louis can tell he’s shaken as well.

“Um, I guess so,” Louis says, glancing over at the man in the blanket again.

Suddenly, Louis’s blood runs cold. There’s something off about the man, something in his gaze, something Louis can’t put his finger on. It’s terribly unsettling, but excitement bubbles in his gut.

Or, Louis is an FBI agent who likes to think himself a paranormal expert, and Harry is alien that somehow ended up in his office.

16. There’s No Antidote for This Curse (26k)**

New York City, 1924. Harry Styles is an Auror working for MACUSA. Louis Tomlinson is an investigative reporter for the Daily Prophet in London. They haven't seen each other for years, but when bodies start showing up in Central Park, Louis travels to New York to cover the story. The two work together to uncover the killer, and uncover a few other secrets along the way.