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#she would never ever leave anyone
chronicparagon · 5 months
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Harmony’s Love Traits
From this: Link
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"Wait..." Harmony reads the results once more. She was sure it's wrong. It has to be, right?
"Honesty isn't as high as a I hoped, but...Loyalty is lower than I thought and...I'm a red flag?" Harmony's voice is softer now. The world falls apart around her as she stares at those numbers. Her loyalty is less than what she believed she was and the red flag category.
It's way above ten.
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"I can't be a disloyal red flag, right? I am faithful! I thought I've always been honest. I...No. No. No, I can't be. This has to be broken. It's got to be!"
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my sister told me that if you put something in the internet, that thing no longer belongs to you, it belongs to the internet
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candidateofloyalty · 4 months
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Franziska’s insistence on perfection is an attempt to live up to her father’s legacy despite that legacy being built on lies and ruining countless lives including that of the person Franziska loves most. Accepting that she is not and cannot be perfect is a major step in her development into not only a better person but a happier one. And despite all of this, every time she declares her own perfection my immediate impulse is to agree with her
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spending my whole life trying and trying and trying and trying to be good enough for people who don't give a fuck about me
#im so tired living seems pointless why am i doing this what is the reason#the firm i work at is going thru a merger so it's releasing all the interns except 2#i went into her office and said that id like to stay here bc my dad said so bc i got in cause he was friends with the head#and she said ill think about it based on performance ive not decided yet#and this other guy he went in to tell her that cool he'll leave and she told him that she was hoping that he'd stay#he literally does nothing but play games on his phone he doesn't work at all#i have no idea what he has that i don't#but just. im stuck like this forever right never ever good enough for people i like or care about#not for parents they have a diff fav child not for ex gf not for bestie who has a boyfriend much better at loving her than me#not for that one guy who rejected me in interview bc i don't read the newspaper and didn't know the date of the finance act#im so fucking sick of this i never even wanted to this fuckinh course and obviously even my best isn't enough and ofc im not good enough#for anyone in this field and ill just struggle and struggle and struggle all my life just to earn some fucking money so i can live away#from my sociopathic parents#and the worst part is that i can't stop feeling like maybe it IS me yk maybe i am the problem maybe im not trying hard enough#but how else am i supposed to handle this i prioritize my studies and lose all my friends i prioritise my friends and fail in d#exams#and the trauma keeps on coming every fucking day bc sociopathic parents but i jsut push it down and say not rn i will cry at night anx then#never cry#i wish someone would just tell me that idk you're wrong you're not made for this you really do have some mental illness and you're really#trying your best and do something that's easy and that you love doing#oh god this is now a ventpost#mes
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mithomite · 6 months
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had the most braindead repetitive conversation/argument with my parents. buzz cuts are too masculine but if you dye a design on it it become effeminate which is bad because then you look weak and if youre weak then society falls apart (all societies ever that have fallen apart for any reason are actually because of feminine men) and we start sacrificing babies. and also all mental illness is invented because only 4 people had anxiety in the 90s and covid was made up so that we would all become gay and trans and then the government can control us better and be joe biden's little sex slaves. and also i need to keep my hair long because my father finds it attractive. what
#lolaa.txt#what do i even tag this with . my mother wouldn't let me leave and i kept asking for sources and she kept saying 'i'm your mother!!!'#'i wouldnt lie to you!'#okay. say that to someone maybe who doesnt know you lie to them all the time.#its tiring going around in circles with her.my father is better because at least he admits when he doesnt have a reason for feeling some wa#also what got me. she said 'do you own research if you want!! but im right!!!'#yeahh not seeing anything about anything you just said. i think you made that up.#i have a theory that my mother secretly hates herself because she believes all women are weak and must serve strong men#and my father has so so much trauma and anxiety that he cant be that strong man#so now she feels like shes betraying her very biology when she has to step up.#and also because i am stronger than her now and my hair is long and far far denser than hers and i have a younger face#that she feels that im wasting my precious femininity that she could be using. does that make sense.#shes so miserable trapped in her idea of what makes a man and a woman what they are. once you stop caring about what makes someone somethin#you dont have to worry about anyone else.#im queer because i dont really feel that connection to biological and social ideas of gender that my parents seem to#never really have#im not gonna theorize 'ohh shed be happier nonbinary' or stuff like that because it is up to you and you alone to define who you are#if you spend your whole life trying to fit a box for the sake of fitting the box#then when would you have any space for self discovery#youve invented personality traits to go along with your box. now you can never ever change or grow as a person. congrats#and you know what? one day she will die. and that will be the end of that.#and i will live and i will probably shave my head a thousand times. and come up with new names#and new ways to be a better person that makes me feel happy#and i will dress like a boy because its all made up anyways. who cares.#and if you care? that much about what im wearing or how i look?#then thats your problem and i wont be responsible to maintain your happiness.#SORRY RANT OVER.#im just so flabbergasted. what a sad life someone can lead poisoned by jealously and reactive rhetoric.#tw homophobia#tw transphobes
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faaun · 5 months
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today was ok good great bad 😭 rant in tags lets try to be normal abt this
#it's not tuscan leather, but they do smell like mint and cherries and a fireplace. they kissed me#all over my back, and my hand, and my shoulders. i only ever kissed them on the lips. i only ever kiss them#when i'm about to leave them at the station gates. some red-eyed bloodhound cancelled their own plans and i laughed with them like a friend#i asked if they want me to bring them a hot water bottle or painkillers or a pair of lungs for them to eat.#the person in front of me has 4 lungs and 2 hearts and a brown leather coat and those bright radiance-incarnate kind of eyes.#you know the kind i mean. their hands are diligent with the pen. they say that i'm an angel and i'm right and i decide#the truths-in-all-possible-worlds. they say they only perceive the parts of me that i'd like perceived. they say all the right things.#the dog doesn't mind at all. the next station is edgeware road again. the dog says don't come over baby. its all slurred and deep and#shallow. returns a falsum. i really like you, baby. let's just be nothing, baby. i can't comprehend that anyone was raised unhappy.#she has free gaza painted on the back of her designer jacket, and she says she can't believe people suffer. there's something wrong with me#baby, why else would i turn down two perfect girls? she broke my nose, baby. ye zendegie dige ashaghet misham azize delam.#she might be a rich bitch but i only lived in kensington, baby. sunshine says they can't have kids because they plan to be#an enemy of many states. i offered to meet them but i look up and i notice the blonde streaks in their hair moving in the light.#i tell sunshine i'll never sleep with them. they want me in such a kind way it almost hurts.#they say we have a lot to teach other. i put the dog down again. my friend is wrapped around me. my friend walks me to the station.#i kiss them goodbye at the gates.
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lakecoded · 8 months
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okay honestly. and i promise i will stop thinking about the deeply mediocre film argylle after this. but people have been talking about how confusing and how meta it is. but it isn't even that weird or meta????? like grow up! watch weirder movies
#like it's a movie where the plot deeply doesn't matter and you forget instantly upon leaving the theater which makes it kind of hard to des#cribe but that's not because it's overly complicated or meta or 4th wall breaking? like. and sorry to spoil argylle. lol.#woman is spy and steals incriminating information. woman is conflicted and plays both sides of conflict. woman hides information and then#gets captured. woman gets brainwashed into forgetting she's a spy and thinking she's a spy novelist. woman writes novels with memories of h#her past life which the spy agency hopes will reveal where she (spy) hid the info. action movie shenanigans happen. henry cavill is there.#like. there was a lot of eye contact with the camera in the first 15 minutes of the movie so i thought maybe they were going to directly#address the audience at some point but that never happened. and it never broke the 4th wall or really got meta at all??#henry cavill shows up at the end which maybe implies that there is also a guy in the world who is also agent argylle (and is not just her r#repressed memories but could also just be a fun easter egg to end the movie. and there's a midcredits scene (ben daniels) that ties it into#the kingsmen universe. but that's it!#you people would hurl if you saw the meta shit i was into#anyways again. this is the anyone has ever thought about the movie argylle. a movie i think i liked more than most people but is deeply mid#isabel.txt#sorry i saw the shakespeare fourth wall post and started thinking about this again.
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liquidstar · 8 months
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i finished drawing the king+queen pair for my ocverse but i figure im not going to post them just yet, bc i also wanna revamp some older designs from andy's group, and i think if i post them all at once as a set i can have all their infoboxes in one place so its more convenient (since andy's group doesn't have those in their og post)
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ryebunny · 2 months
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Vent in tags because I have nobody to talk to but need to get some feelings out. Sorry. Just ignore please ♡
#i feel like the most unwanted and unloved person on the face of the earth#I've been desperately trying to rekindle a friendship with the person I considered my best friend so I extended one final olive branch and#she just. she took that branch snapped it in half and set it on fire. literally. we were best friends all throughout high school but#at the beginning of this year she replaced me with someone she had just met like I never meant anything to her. and I just#I don't know what I've done wrong. I don't know why I'm so replaceable to people. I don't know I don't know I don't know but it really hurts#I'm nobody's favorite. nobody's first choice. hell probably not even anybody's second third or fourth choice#everybody ALWAYS leaves me eventually and I don't know why. I don't know what I'm doing wrong. I don't know how to change it because nobody#ever tells me what I've done wrong. they just suddenly change attitudes or ghost me or abandon me without a care#I've lost literally every single non-familial connection I've ever had. every person I know irl has come and gone for reasons I genuinely#don't know. every online person either leaves me or isn't interested in forming more than a surface level connection. (which. I'm not saying#I'm forcing anyone to. I just crave a deep connection so badly and wish someone was willing to have one with me)#i really should be used to this by now. it's not the first time I've lost someone i thought would be in my life forever. but it really hurts#i need to get used to being alone. i need to stop bearing my entire heart to anyone willing to look at me. but i don't know how to#i just want to be loved#rye's cries#rye rambles
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wiredsmi1e · 5 months
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vent tw .
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anthromimicry · 4 months
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sorry, halsey — hopeless fountain kingdom.
#ALL POWER DEMANDS PAIN AND SACRIFICE: musings.#NO SLEEP OF THE INNOCENT. NOT FOR YOU: character study.#it kind of surprises me just how much content there is out there about being afraid of intimacy but then again-#i have heard that that is supposedly one of the most common fears that people have apparently. so yeahhh but of course i do mean emotional-#intimacy here and oh my goshhh. i never realized just how sad parts of this song were until i listened to it again.#'i run away when thing's are good and never really understood the way you laid your eyes on me in ways that no one ever could#i hate to say it BUT that is so misao. she really does feel sooo unlovable sometimes and she has this 'leave them before they leave you'-#mentality that is so saddening to have TBH but i understand why she has it. her childhood kind of left her broken in a way i think-#in ways that can't be easily explained as it was very nuanced and complicated. but GAHHH that doesn't stop me from wanting misao-#to find at least some kind of love from people 😭 like she needs at least one friend or something that she can depend on bc i feel like-#that would really help her and being in a house alone all the time whenever she's not at work can not be good for her psyche.#so petition to get misao a friend or two? JSJSJ nahhh but i am legitimately being serious at this point#she needs someone who'll stick with her through thick and thin and will be understanding of the fact that she's got unresolved trauma so-#that partially causes her to be hyperindependent but i firmly believe that she needs people just as much as anyone else.#maybe more in fact but IDK#and the fact that in this song halsey says that she still knows facts about them even though she hasn't talked to them-#in forever? i'm WEEPING AHHH#that is so like misao as well sadly. she would literally take little notes as to what thing's people like to reference later if she had a-#friend because she 'doesn't want to get it wrong' whenever she gets them a present she says but it's really so that she doesn't forget-#how precious this person is to her and how she wrote down all of their favorite things as a result.
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red-dyed-sarumane · 8 months
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i like to think apoptosis tries to lie to tenshi but tenshi cares too much & has figured her out pretty well & can see through most of it. i dont have much to support this beyond the fact theyre clearly heavily tied together across their songs.
#actually if im doing any analysis here#the timeline i think is like.#the group decides to go thru with the sacrifice to see if that would 'absolve their sins'#potentially targets apoptosis first as. she doesnt seem to get along with anyone#she doesnt want that obviously so she goes to pin it on someone else#someone else just happens to be tenshi who REALLY does not want the role#the whole lying about doing it for her & then tenshis dont leave me alone could be like.#tenshi gets the role & apoptosis just walks free not really thinking of the consequences#of course then its already getting too late to change anything & tenshi tries to convince herself shes doing the right thing#that her death will matter and maybe at least get them more time or something if not fix the problem#but no!!! it does nothing!!!! & apoptosis has to face that fact!!! that since it wasnt her it was someone she#(refuses to admit she) cares about!!!!!!!#& she cant stand that & suddenly shes in meltdown mode & will do whatever to destroy herself#i dont think its guilt shes dealing with like i genuinely think shes too selfish to feel guilty#kanons the guilty one not apoptosis#apoptosis feels more like. she lost something important & if she cant have it(her) then she doesnt want anything at all#unfortunately as per da rulez her being selfish means she continues to live.#permanent torture of knowing the one solid thing she had she got rid of and will never ever get back#the girlies#thats my current take on the situation#but in general i think those two are closer than either of them will admit
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barnbridges · 1 year
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fun reminder that whatever you want to say about marion sleeping or attempting to sleep with whatever man, the guy you're defending was down to clown with 3 men and 1 woman in the woods and canonically defends the guy she tried that with and thinks of him as a friend so... *coughs* they were weird, they have always been weird, and the idea that they'd settle down in middle suburbia is but a fabrication of richard's, he did not know marion personally i should remind you.
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milf-harrington · 2 years
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i will never be mad at or blame my sister for the situation she has been forced into, but i will forever be frustrated with our family for the responsibility thats been shoved onto me
"he'll have a village" my ass, he's got two mentally ill siblings and a FIFO worker who are all in their 20's
#its such bullshit and its so fucking hard listening to everyone go one about how much they love him#and how lucky he is to have a big family#where the fuck are they then!!!! why is it my job!!!#and i am NOT complaining about helping my sister or looking after my nephew#if youve been here long enough you 1. have probably heard this rant before and 2. know how much i love them#but fuck#my sister's looking at getting a fulltime job which sucks for both of us#im going to have to handle more responsibility and she's barely going to see her fucking son#like fuck you (our family)#ive been helping my sister since i fucking graduated so ive never been able to get a job#i dont even know if im going to be able to leave for my birthday like i planned because im just going to be stressed and guilty#about leaving my sister to handle everything alone for a week#(<- she would yell at me for that thought but i cant help it)#and my fucking cousin has the fucking guts to tell me it 'breaks her heart' that my nephew is shy around her#that he doesnt recognise or know her; but she's following her happiness in the city#which yeah!! good for her!! but dont fucking complain to me about not knowing my nephew#when you wont even bother to call him on his birthday#dont praise me for how much i help my sister like it was ever an option for me#'your sister is so lucky to have tou' yeah cause she doesnt have anyone fucking else#shes not even comfortable letting our mum have him without me there bc mum just fucking sucks#i dont care if im not being fair i just had to hold back from fucking bawling when i got hit with how unfair it is#4 years ago i thought id be in university studying art and saving up to go to italy#and now im 20 and im practically about to become a fulltime parent#and if IM tired i cant even imagine what my sisters going through#yknow shes always wanted to be a stay-at-home mum?#she only got the first 6 months#im just filled with dread and frustration and a bitter sort of sadness#but at least my nephew is a really cool dude to hang out with#and hey i might get better at cooking ajdjs#vent
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chiisana-lion · 1 year
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damn was it refreshing to be able to talk abt being aroace w someone without being met with condescending "you just havent found the right person yet" "you'll be so lonely though" "you'll grow out of it" comments and instead genuine attempts to understand and even voluntarily looking up more information on it like it rly isnt that hard!!!!! die amatonormativity why cant more people just simply go oh okay thats swag just like that!!!!!!!!!
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dashiellqvverty · 1 year
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i just will never forget when the whole tramp stamps band scandal happened on tiktok and there were people in the comments saying they knew they were plants because they didn’t have “real alt makeup.” like i get the concept of “oh they’re clearly trying to emulate a culture they aren’t a part of” but the phrasing of it just truly made me lose it. like the idea that even within spaces where you are being weird and creative and having fun and playing with style you can be judged for doing your makeup “wrong.” how the fuck is there a real or right way to do “alt makeup” my god
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