#she wished she didnt have abusive life or family she wished she had pretty things like a pretty body.

[kitkatoc9090]

🎵and then she cried over nothing and there was nothing i could stop her from crying🎵

[marinazone]

What's been bugging my brain recently

Boy oh boy where do I start. Well I suppose I'll start with a little bit of context. Hi! My name is Hunter (if you never knew my real moniker, not many do even if i tell them); and I have been in a disastrous...what could only be described as love illness, since February 28th. Before i explain why (if you dont already know) allow me to provide my full experience with love. When i was in 12th grade i was used as rebound for a girl named Nicole after her boyfriend had broken up with her. It was the first time i had ever gotten to feel love, the expectations of what i should expect were to be established from then forward. We talked a lot asked eachother how we were doing shared similar interests that kinda shit. It was cool, the sex was lukewarm at best but it felt nice to feel appreciated. Thats when her emotional manipulation began. She would be in low points that i attributed to depression. I always told her "go get help for your depression, itll only get worse" all of which she militantly ignored to the point where she told me she was being physically abused by her family. Naturally, stupid me, believed her and grew more and more attached and protective and i didnt find out til after we split up that she was full of horse shit. It was during this point that she would take opportunities when she was "moody" to punch me across the face. Why did i take that shit? I dont know! I guess i was too fucking scared to lose someone i was attached too. Two years passed and i realize she started to ditch me to hang with some dude named Paul and was cheating on me for months. I finally asked firmly if she was and she admitted it, playing sap. I was devestate for about three months afterward. I had planned to kill myself numerous times but always remembered how much my friends would miss me. It was during this time around 2013 that i took up a habit of walking a mile to a nearby bridge on a "private walk" over an artificial lake to just gaze into and get lost in what seemed like infinite thought. I eventually got over her, but only after deleting all contact with her.

Second is someone online i will just call Saber. A very basic ass relationship. No emotional fulfillment for me and only sexting. He was a bit different in abuse in that it was more a financial abuse than anything else. He relied on me to pay for his ffxiv game and subscription and shit cause he didnt live in NA and i didnt see a cent back. The separation was far more a fade then burning out. We just stopped talking and i stopped giving once i realized i was being used

And the third ex is actually criminally dangerous so i will avoid any details at all about them! Just know theyre in jail still i think and they dont know my address

So we arrive more recently, I dont want to use exact names as im still in contact with them and are (presumably) friends and i do not wish to expose information given in confidence. I will just be using first initials as follow: A, B, T, and W.

So it began with a message I'd received from B (all this was when i was freyacrescentshangover on here). He messaged me because we were into the same shit and asked if i wanted to rp. I figured sure! Why not! Well he was pretty chill and nice and i would eventually tell him i had a crush on him. He said "its cool we have similar fetishes but lets just stay friends for now ok?"

It didnt upset me to much. Then W entered my life and boy is she a treat (not sarcastic, mostly). She contacted me for much the same reason. We were into similar shit. We'd spend a lot of time back and forthing this stuff and getting to know eachother and then i finally told her i had a crush on her and her answer is something to keep in mind for later. She didnt say yes, but she didnt say no. She told me things such as ne being cute and how she enjoyed how we had similar kinks and said she'd be down to be more flirty sometimes. I had no fucking idea what this meant (No offense W) so I was more just in a state of confusion where our relationship was. As for why i admired her? She was passionate. Her interests were so emblazoned on her soul that is was visceral just being in a conversation (still is to an extent). Yet she's also so cool and mysterious. It felt like she was someone i had to learn about, someone that i could listen to their passions for hours in complete awe and admiration. Thats still what i admire about her to this day i suppose, but ill get onto that more in a bit.

This was also around the same time i had developed a crush on A. A is super cool and chill even to this day. Never afraid to be herself or says what she feels and that is truely admirable. She'd contacted me because, once again, we were into similar fetishes. We did the old exchange weird stuff and talk until i noticed she, by complete fucking cosmic coincidence, lived in the same town as me. You guessed it! Got a crush on her. This rejection breaks the mold a bit though in that she reciprocated the feelings but felt she was in to many relationships and couldnt provide me the emotional support i needed. Didnt bother me too much.

Well, that is until a couple months later A and her wife formed triad with W. It felt so.....bad if im being honest. I feel guilty to say it and i am really happy for them still! But there's always been a part of me since then that sorta felt......jealous? Short changed? I dont know, its hard to find a word for it. Its like when you taste something super fucking sour but you like expected it to be sweet. My self worth sorta plummeted from it all. Like i just wasnt enough for them..

Cut to later and i met T. Shes super sweet and funny and boy i got a crush on her too! She got into contact with me because......you guessed it! Similar fetishes! It feels like im just gifted with a power that lets people confide their weird fetishes with me. When i told her she told me essentially "Same fetishes dont like you that way".

Now we cut from 3 years ago to a month ago. I get feelings spurring up again for T and W (Probably A too but after how this goes I dont wanna be crushed ever again). I tell T first i have a crush on her. She says something similar to before but elaborates that romantic feelings are very hard for her to obtain. Then I tell W again. She says "We have similar fetishes and thats cool but i dont like you that way". For some fucking reason, this was an emotionally devastating breaking point for me and im not sure why. i got over T in like two days. W on the other hand? Were a month strong in and I still cant stop being depressed about it all. What happened here? What went different here? Was it because of the awkward response id receive years ago? Was it the jealousy-like feelings i still harbored? Is it just because i wanted to hear more about her and her interests and passions hidden under that cool (and sexy) exterior like i had before? I dont know. Probably never will. Likely a combination of all those though.

So here I am, on this weird precipice of loneliness, ready to die any second because my self worth doesnt seem to improve no matter what I do (and ive been doing a ton lately). Will I be able to work up the courage to take another final shot at A? Probably not, my body can't take another hit like that. Atleast not so soon. Will I ever get over W? Im not sure. The last time i felt this bad was with Nicole and I had to cut all contact with her to feel better, but the thought of doing that with W makes me even more sick. Maybe I'm just SOL and my emotional and mental stability doomsday clock is finally reaching midnight (sure hope not! I have Marinas to bully!).

Apart from all this, with how spurred i feel and such. I find it harder and harder to get out of bed every day. To do the things i like keeping myself healthy. Eating. Showering. To live. And yet I move.

[trollocs-ooc]

show us the touys. show us the touys milli.

MY TOUYS!!! Pardon the mess of my table

If u only want to see my collection and main faves do not click read more. If you wish to know all of the Milli LPS lore, click read more. If you dare

i keep all of the accessories here (i somehow managed to only lose 1 ever)

My main ones were these i didnt really gaf about the others

I will now impart to you the life story of every lps i care about

This is Mikey. He is named after the ninja turtle. He is the only "old type" of lps i own, and my first lps ever. I always wanted g2 pets because lpstube inspired a hatred within me for the new ones(they weren't that bad, but let's be honest they were worse), but could never get them because they were already gone.

He is SHY, and for some reason spoke to a poster (card) in his room like it was his mom. Dude had issues. He is the adopted brother of BERNARD, who is a saint Bernard dog. Because i was terrible at names even back then. They were both a part of the mafia.

To the left is Bernard, who is a part of the aforementioned mafia. Next to him is his sworn rival Shades Shepherd (i got them together) and Shades only friend and gay stereotype Justin. Bernard and Shades are enemies because Shades was a policeman(dog? also theyre all teens. Don't ask me how a teen is a cop i have no clue) and also because they both fight over a girl named Suzie who you will see shortly. Suzie likes neither and has a boyfriend (the only accurate thing here i guess 💀 ). Also Shades has a fucking girlfriend already named Savanna

Here is Suzie, to the left. And her bestie Melody to the right. My other aunt got them for me and they were some of my first other Lps. You can see Suzie was the main character because of how fuckin nastily worn down she is. Melody had a crown acessory i immediately lost at my aunts house and could never find ever again because we live in different countries.

Suzie was an aspiring film maker or whatever it is people with cameras do. All she wants to do is film but people won't stop involving her in Highschool drama and it pisses her off to no end. She is in love with Mordecai. Melody is in lesbian love with Penny.

Here is Mordecai and his little sister. He's named after the main character of Life of Revenge, despite them having nothing in common. LOR Mordecai is an edgy abused serial killer, and this Mordecai is a stoner basketball player. He's chill. The first "set" lps i got. I decided retroactively that he is trans, Because yes i think of these as characters with a story

Here is Penny with Melody. As aforementioned they were always lesbians. Yes Even as a kid i made them lesbians. Penny came with the iguana but i never used him because i thought he looked goofy. Im pretty sure her name was not Penny in the show but whatever . Standard shy girl

Here is Savanna, who is Shade's girlfriend. She came in like a mismatched family set, which is why theres a cat there. She was probably meant to be the mom but kids are allergic to roleplaying adult toys so she was also a teen with 4 siblings she took care of on her own i guess. Standard rich mean girl. Technically named after LPS popular Savannah but i never watched it (probably for the best) so not really. Her friend is the penguin

Penguin i Forgot the name of. My sister bought me these for Christmas and i actually cried? Because i wanted g2 lps 💀 Dont come at me please i was a child. Standard mindless follower. Girlfriend to justin despite him being gay for Shades

And these two. I got these two when i was sort of stopping to care for lps but still liked them enough to include them. I don't remember the Zebra's name but her partner's name is Foxy. Foxy is nonbinary. And is also a reluctant participant of the mean girls friend group

anyway if i could write the story today it'd be something like this

Bernard and Shades homoerotically killing each other while everyone watches in abject terror, the lesbains kiss and Mordecai and Suzie are left alone to do whatever the fuck they want with their school life.

[redheadbigshoes]

Hiya 🌻 here I haven't dropped an ask in a while

I'm just struggling with the feeling of alienation atm. My wife just got back from work looking really sad and kind of hurt and I asked her what happened and she said some men who were hanging out in our apartment parking lot were heckling her and whistling and asking for her number but only after they heard her voice and realized she was a trans woman.

Naturally I'm alrrady fucking livid about some gross asshole fucking men bothering my wife but I know they were making fun of her at the same time because she's trans, and a lot more visibly so than I am, and she's vulnerable. She's also a lesbian and it obviously made her feel unsafe and gross and I just, wanted to talk about it on the lesbophobia tag and look if anyone else was talking about their experiences to help relieve some of my anger becayse she wouldn't let me go downstairs and beat the shit out of them.

...Only to find a bunch of radfem terfs that I somehow didnt have blocked on that tag, it makes me feel so alienated when us trans gals struggle with these issues only to be pinned between transphobes and lesbophobes who would tell me I'm being too mean to men or some shit.

It's so alienating... I've had so much hurt on me personally from men abusing me in my life and using their societal pressure to hurt me, but having that done to my wife makes me seriously want to rip someone apart. And people just dont think about how trans women are more vulnerable to abuse by men since we're outcast from our families and friends (none of my family or college friends talk to me and pretty much cut me off after transition, and its the same for my wife) and that we can be lesbians meaning we're already a ripe target and then men just want to fucking hurt us and know noone cares.

I'm just filled with so much anger right now... and I felt without community along with it, so I figured I'd message you, Thanks for listening

I hope you're doing well, and I wish you more days without men harassing you.

Heyy, I’ve missed receiving your asks!

I am so sorry about what your wife had to go through, as a woman I do understand the feeling of being unsafe around unknown men, but I cannot even imagine how hard it can be for you two as trans women.

I think the most frustrating thing is wanting to go to the people (the lgbt community) who are supposed to understand you and support you and getting the same hostile treatment as your oppressors treat you. This is why it’s so important to surround - if possible - ourselves with accepting and supportive people.

I hope that, despite this horrible situation, you’re doing well too.

[hffnjue4y]

my mood is unstable these days.

some days i feel like im on cloud 9. everything is perfect. we have hardships ahead, but theyre all manageable and worth it. they feel far away, and unclear. on those days, i cant even grasp what it is about her im so stressed about.

and then, like a switch, it can change. i feel unsure, stressed. it usually happens when we dont talk (she’s asleep right now) things feel hopeless, everything feels pointless. it’s like im exposed to a side of the world i never had to consider before- through her eyes. how much she was hurt, how much shes still hurting. how much she has to deal with. and it hurts me. i wanna live in oblivion again sometimes. i didnt know how much of this world i wasnt seeing before.

i tried talking to other people, they often make things worse- i dont wanna feel like i have to defend this relationship. i want people to be happy for us, not worry about me. and i know typing that makes it all sound incredibly abusive, which it isnt. i dont know what to do anymore.

i love her so much. i think i need to address that attachment we have. this often overwhelms me just how much she occupies my mind, her, our relationship. i think im starting to understand what she told me back then- about how loving fictional characters means theres no expectations back. they cant disappoint you. real people are way harder. and i think i didnt know it so far cause i never let myself truly attach to anyone.

now there are stakes. we’re both emotionally involved, to a point where we can hurt each other a lot. and thats scary.

i worry about her being “unregulated” but then again, am i regulated? my mood swings so dramatically. i overthink. i talk too much about this relationship but no one seem to understand. im confused. im not sure what i want in life anymore. i want to be away from here, i want her close with all my family and friends. i want her, im scared of her (our relationship and attachment). i get really nervous and anxious around fights, aggression, loud noises, and sometimes she triggers it.

i dont want to stress her out anymore. she’s doing good these days, and i think this stress will pass shortly. i dont feel like bringing her down with my uncertainty and doubts all the time- im afraid she might think im gonna leave her. we need to fix our trust, but i think only time will tell here.

talking with mom today freaked me out. she doesnt seem to trust this relationship will last. mom’s view of my girlfriend means the world to me. i wish they could meet. im afraid that when they meet mom wont like her, or worst, shed think she isnt good for me. im afraid shes seeing things that i dont. but she also doesnt have the full picture.

i dont know how much of things right now come from the fact that im unemployed, but at my grandparents place, feeling directionless. i think i might be depressed. and someone i love is so far away, its almost impossible to cross that distance without committing in a way. so of course its scary.

today i woke up from a nap feeling pretty bad. i missed her texts and the part of me that still hangs to her desperately wants to spend every moment together.

HOW. DO. I. MAKE. THIS. HEALTHY?

was this doomed from the start?

whos to say whats healthy and whats not?

are these fears common, because im new to relationships of this level?

if i have the thought, does it mean its true?

things to do:

- do. not. put. your. emotional. well. being. after. anyone. elses.

- trust you gut??? i have no idea anymore, this changes every day.

- mental illness isnt the end of the world. it makes things hard for her, yes, but its not unlivable. trust her to do her best and support her.

[charkyzombicorn]

EEEEEEEEE OKAY SO I WANNA TRY TO JUSTIFY LUCCI BEING SILLY AND THIS MIGHT JUST END UP AN ANALYSIS BUT MEH--

Lucci's very clinical, yeah? He follows orders and he will do anything and everything to achieve the final goal given to him. He mentioned that he joined the military so he could legally kill, but that on its own makes no sense because what's the point of legality when pirates kill eathother all the time without being regulated by a government? He's certainly not the cowardly type, so why would he be afraid of the government? There could be 3 plausible options I can think of:

1) Lucci has some reason to have been terrified of the government being after him as a child (maybe something to do with his parentage?)

2) Lucci was hunting 1 or more specific people and needed the network the military has to find these people

3) Lucci killed someone and was driven away from his home for it, so joining the marines was his only option to get off his island

And Of Those Three, I like the third the most, so I'm gonna flesh it out more. He was in a pretty standard nuclear family when he was 8, mom, dad, pet immortal pigeon, yk. But one of his parents beat the other halfway to death, so Lucci beat the attacker all the way to death. But the other parent loved their abusive spouse more than they loved Lucci, so they said that Lucci attacked unprompted, attacked both of them, and the town wasn't large, so they didn't have a prison and they just cast him out to starve in the woods or smth. But Lucci stumbled on visiting marines and said he wanted to enlist, so the men let him on their ship and ended up abusing him while he was there - burning the world government's symbol into his back. He still enlisted when the ship landed, not saying a word about it to anyone but beating the absolute dogcrap out of everyone from the ship as soon as he was strong and trained enough to. He was rewarded for the sociopathic tendancies he got with cptsd which only made them more provailent.

Anyways, the point is by the time Lucci was an adult, he accepted that him and the government were necessary evils - like how he was a necessary evil to his parents, like how the marines he sailed with were necessary evils for him to face to get stronger, blah blah blah, real toxic mindset.

But then he's given Rose to train. She's aggressive, and disobedient, and eight years old. He's cold and demanding, the same way his first superior officer was, the same way his parents weren't. She responds to it the same way he did when he was her age, by pretending she didn't care until the loneliness really set in. Then she was obedient, because she couldn't argue, because Lucci didn't treat her like someone to argue with, he treated her like a military dog. She grows up looking down with pin straight posture, and Lucci notices she doesn't have ideas anymore, not any that she shared. She didn't steal pieces of wood to carve and hide, or small pieces of machinery to take apart and put back together again. She was a perfect soldier, a perfect necessary evil.

But she wasn't evil like him. She wasn't supposed to be - she wouldn't bludgeon her own parent to death, she couldn't turn an entire island against her. She wasn't evil, she was supposed to be the one benefitting from him being a necessary evil, not following in his footsteps.

She was supposed to be better than him, better than he had to be.

So when he noticed her packing things away - tiny things, extra rations going missing, an old med kit, all hidden on an old ship that no one would miss except maybe Iceberg - he said nothing. Did nothing. Wished that when she left he would never get to see her again because he didnt want to lose the only life left for someone like him but he would also never give Rose to his superiors.

Rob lucci to Rosie

Literally exactly what he does to shut her up.

And because that’s how Lucci always treats her, no one bats an eye. There is good reason that Rosè is utterly terrified of that man, even after the time skip

Also @charkyzombicorn since this is your Selkie au

[anonymoushouseplantfan]

DM has a piece by Alexandra Shulman, Alexandra Shulman, former editor-in-chief of British Vogue, she was also the longest serving editor in the history of the publication, from 1992 to 2017 (succeeded by Edward Enninful). Shulman started her career in 1982 at Tatler.

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/debate/article-9334003/ALEXANDRA-SHULMAN-know-efforts-aides-make-Meghan-welcome-didnt-want-help.html

"I know the efforts Royal aides made to make Meghan feel welcome. She just didn’t want their kind of help"

By ALEXANDRA SHULMAN FOR THE DAILY MAIL

PUBLISHED: 17:27 EST, 6 March 2021 | UPDATED: 17:30 EST, 6 March 2021

Before the Duke and Duchess of Sussex married, a professional creative, well used to the intricacies and diplomacy involved in working with Royal households, was interviewed for a role by Meghan.

A mutual friend ran into the candidate immediately after the interview and asked excitedly how the experience had been.

The reply did not sound encouraging. ‘Well. Let’s just say it was like The Devil Wears Prada. And I was not Meryl Streep.’

Judging by the bullying allegations that have now emerged in a leaked email from the Royal couple’s then communications secretary, Jason Knauf, this was not an uncommon reaction.

I have met Knauf many times and I have to say that he must have felt pretty hard-pushed to do something that could undermine any of his bosses.

With her beautiful son Archie, current pregnancy, dashing Prince, stonking commercial deals, Montecito mansion and now her global fame, you would think that the Duchess of Sussex might feel… job done.

What more could she possibly wish for? But as we will be hearing on her Oprah interview (and how I wish I was strong-willed enough not to watch it), that is very far from how she feels.

She is aggrieved. She is a woman much misunderstood. She was, until she was able to flee to Santa Barbara, a voiceless victim like so many of the abused women she constantly tells us she supports.

And who were these tormentors? Well, first up are, apparently, the British media, whom her husband has long also disliked. But a close second are those Royal courtiers and aides who peopled the world she was expected to operate in when she arrived to live here.

One of the striking things about Kensington Palace – the centre of ops for both the Cambridges and Harry when Meghan Markle moved in – is how very old-fashioned it is; think brick-walled cloisters, Jammie Dodgers and hunting prints, strangely muted and dim.

KP, as everyone calls it, is actually a labyrinth of small rooms and neatly proportioned apartments with battalions of young staff steering visitors around the corridors to their final destination.

Like many palaces, it is literally inward-looking with not much of a view and a little bit claustrophobic. As a confirmed California girl, Meghan no doubt found it so. And probably a bit depressing.

The staff who work at KP, like those at Clarence House and Buckingham Palace, are a hugely industrious bunch, happy to put in incredibly long hours for comparatively low salaries because they enjoy the status of working for the Royal Family. And they care. They care a great deal about protecting the Royals in every way, from organising the details of daily life to their image and security.

I remember meeting Knauf for the first time. He was a good-looking young American (a direct contemporary of Harry) wearing a formal grey suit and the requisite palace lanyard, and I found him quite daunting.

He didn’t seem big on small talk or even the smallest joke, and clearly took the view that this meeting was mine to lose. He was the one in control. As I got to know him better, I discovered he has a great sense of humour but, even off-duty, he was implacably loyal to his bosses.

The idea that he, or anyone working alongside him, would have had any interest in not supporting the incoming Meghan Markle as she tried to navigate this new world is simply not credible.

In truth, the opposite is true. Even before Meghan arrived, I know for a fact that the KP team were busy rallying a group of interesting and influential people who might be helpful and friendly to her in a new country.

They had learnt from the sad story of Princess Diana that letting a newcomer flounder in the somewhat archaic Royal pool, where they could feel isolated and unsupported, could be disastrous.

But herein lay the problem. It turns out that Meghan did not want guidance or support, or certainly not of the kind she was getting. No, as we later learnt in her interview with Tom Bradby on the South Africa tour, she wanted to be asked how she felt.

Knauf’s email raising concerns about Meghan’s intimidating behaviour came about after a growing number of complaints – all from women – in Kensington Palace.

At that time in 2018, the corporate world was finally beginning to take accusations of bullying and bad workplace practice seriously – and Knauf, an accomplished corporate professional, had his ear close enough to the ground to know that such things couldn’t be allowed to fester, even in a palace.

The decision to confront this toxic situation would have been nightmarish to make. The last thing Knauf would have wanted was the idea that he and his colleagues were ganging up against Meghan.

In addition, Harry and William were still linked by their joint foundation and a huge amount of behind-the-scenes work had been put into developing the notion of the two brothers as emotionally literate, empowering, modern Princes – and nobody wanted the whole thing to fall apart because of the new wife on the scene.

So, no doubt to begin with, allowances would have been made for Meghan being used to a different workplace culture. The serried ranks of polite young women in KP, with their unassuming clothes and understated make-up, all used to working quietly and cautiously in a certain way, may have appeared lacklustre to her.

But reports that staff were bothered by her sending 5am emails from her yoga mat, as if that were too demanding, would have been wide of the mark. Employees in the Royal offices know they have signed up for 24/7. Pretty well every day of the year. It’s less of a job than a vocation involving a big slurp of the Kool Aid and being prepared to put your own life on the back-burner.

Although we might think that we Brits have a more hierarchical culture than the Americans, the US workplace is far more status-led, with much more visible deference expected from juniors to seniors.

Meghan would have been used to the noisy can-do ethos of that arena in contrast to the measured but often more effective British approach.

In the States, at least until very recently, it was not uncommon for employers to scream and shout when they couldn’t get what they wanted – right now. Harry’s ‘What Meghan wants, Meghan gets’ admonishment, so jarring to our ears, would have been an entirely acceptable mantra in many an American institution.

But perhaps more difficult than a clash over working styles for the team who worked for Meghan, and possibly for Meghan herself, is that they seemed unable to provide her with what she wanted. Or even to know what that was.

What was clear though was what she didn’t want: being told what she could and couldn’t do.

I have always thought that an American woman I know found me patronising because, on our first meeting when she was new in town, I suggested places and people she might be interested in. She lost no time in telling me that she knew it all already. Meghan clearly felt similarly.

Unlike the Princess of Wales, Meghan arrived on the scene as a woman in her 30s, with friends and connections, experience and opinions all bedded in. She knew what she liked and wanted, and had no interest in anyone thinking there might be any gaps where she would appreciate a bit of advice.

And unlike Catherine Middleton, who, by the time she married Prince William, had experienced years of living in the Royal goldfish bowl with its oxygen of protocol and precedence, Meghan would have been confounded by what might seem ridiculous prohibitions and rules. 

Maybe it’s not surprising that she shot the hapless messengers, venting frustration on the team trying to help, and drove them away. Her lawyers deny bullying ever took place, but I don’t think I’ve ever heard a bully acknowledge themselves as such. Often they don’t even recognise they are doing it.

You have only to hear the way Meghan refers to The Firm (Prince Philip’s term for the working Royals), as if it were a cross between the Cosa Nostra and the Scientologists, to know that Team Sussex will no doubt regard the timing of the release of these accusations as directly targeting Meghan in revenge for the Oprah interview. And they may well be right.

But such is the Oprah machine’s build-up of the revelations of this interview (and let’s not forget one being broadcast as Prince Philip lies in hospital, which unless the Sussexes had rubbish lawyers, they would have reserved the ability to postpone), it was probably too much too expect, of even our usually buttoned-up Royals, to sit back and take it.

After all, they, like Meghan, are only human.

[quitealotofsodapop]

MvA assorted headcanons

General:

So many years together has made the core monsters inseperable. If something affects one member, it affects the group.

All. The. Monsters. Are. Family.

It takes Susan a while to understand inside jokes and past incidents because of being the most recent addition.

There are Other anomalous creatures kept in Area 5X, but they are either non-sentient and/or are too dangerous to be kept around the more human-friendly monster group.

Area 5X is so gotdang big because they were expecting a lot more kaijus like Insecto to crop up. Sadly not many have surfaced to justify the space.

There’s a hangar in Area 5X full of wrecked UFOs. Some are spacecraft wreckage while others are stuff like weird meteors (Susan’s is in there), and at least one alien creature that got crystallised upon entering Earth’s atmosphere.

There’s significant difference in staff employed at different points throughout the past 50 years. There are far more women on the Area 5X worksheet than back in the 50s, and the guards are generally more sympathetic towards the monsters. Many modern staff members have been reprimanded or let go for failing to uphold secrecy, or for unnecessary cruelty towards the monsters.

Budget cuts were a legitmate concern up until the Battle of Golden Gate Bridge. The facility was far more barebones and sterile before the government had to formally recognise Area 5X’s importance. There have been a lot of redecorating at the facilty since the fat checks started coming in.

Putting individual characters under read due to length.

Susan:

Enjoys many hobbies considered stereotypically feminine; baking, sewing, cosmetics, etc...

Grandparents and extended family are farmers or are atleast connected to the business. Modesto is the agricultural centre of California after all. Her parents were the first of their generation to go against the mold and seek out white-collar careers.

Studied cosmetology in school and was working at a beauty salon to save up for her and Derek’s wedding.

Is very athletic and grew up doing a number of physical extracurriculars like cheerleading, dodgeball, and roller-derby.

Grew up being teased for being the shortest kid in her class/family. They still tease her for it.

Greatly fears causing collateral damage and/or harm to others through her size.

Has issues with anxiety, worsened only by her new job as “savior of earth”. She wishes for a confidant to tell her worries to.

Married life with Derek was doomed to fail. Susan had a plan in place for what came after the marriage, and focusing 100% on Derek’s career was not it. There’s also the line from Derek’s mother about Susan being “the weatherman’s wife”, implying that she was to be the homemaker and not have a career of her own. It’s possible that Susan was planning to settle down and have kids with Derek, but the lack of control she had in moving to Fresno implied that more was going on.

Is currently “taking a break” from love and dating, despite gaining many new admirers.

Tries her best to return to Modesto to visit her family and friends whenever possible, though work often keeps her away for weeks at a time.

If she retains her height-shifting abilities as in the series; Susan goes through really bad “growing” pains.

Link:

Was frozen in his relative late-teens during a cold snap. Got shifted around until he ended up somewhere in Greenland before being discovered by modern humans. Post-thaw he went a bit wild, swimming frantically back south to try and find his old enviroment.

Was one of many scrappy youngsters in his troop, with a number of adoptive parents. The strongest ruled the troop, and Link was fairly weak in comparision to the leaders. He had gotten into a fight the day of his freezing (over something silly in hindsight) and swam away to sulk. When he didn’t return after the cold snap - the troop accepted that he had likely died out on his own.

Likes to freak out humans by making up weird biology facts about his species and ones he’s fought against - like joking about laying eggs or having his tail dettach and regrow like a lizard. However there’s some things he has to ask about, because he doesn’t have medical knowledge or words to describe something.

A lot of his macho behavior came from imitating the guards who kept watch on him. 1950s violent military alpha males aren't a very good role model for someone who doesnt know what societal norms are yet. Link was a lot more insufferable back in the day but chilled out as he began interacting with other walks of life.

Has a high paternal instinct and immediately becomes softer around kids and smaller animals.

Has body language similar to a cat/alligator. Slaps his tail when angry or in deep thought. And yes; Link purrs/rumbles when happy.

Loves monster movies - especially the ones where the monsters “win”. He cried when he saw “Beauty and the Beast” and then immediately booed loudly when the Beast turned human.

Does Not Trust doctors or scientists due to bad past experiences. Will only go to Dr Cockroach and Monger if he ever gets hurt/ill. Gets stressed fast if he has to be in a waiting room or doctors office.

Link had no idea what gender indentities or orientations were until recently - he did come from a pre-human civilization that really didnt mind/care about the schemantics. It took him some time to wrap his head around it. He identifies himself as bisexual after much thought and many hours alone on the computer.

Don't press him about his body. He's built different from humans and cis people. He will punch anyone who doesnt respect his or anyone elses identity.

Has been in love before. It didn’t end well.

Will occasionally wear clothes, but finds it a challenge to find anything that fits him. Will give any shoes he finds to Dr Cockroach and BOB to eat.

The best driver/pilot out of all the monsters.

Dr Cockroach:

True name is Jaques-Yves Herbert. Prefers to just go by "Dr Cockroach" because he dislikes the association with his birth family.

Picks up human languages very easily, although not as quickly as he can understand animals.

Parents were a mixed scientist couple. His father was an aggressive “Strong British Man” that would beat him son down for not following orders or for not meeting his standards for a man. Dr C turned down both chances to attend his parents funerals.

This man isn’t straight. He probably uses old-fashioned slang when asked about romance such as; “I am Uranian” or “I wear a green carnation”. It took Susan a few times to realise what he meant, as she is used to a more open minded enviroment.

Got the idea of transforming into a cockroach from reading Franz Kafkas “The Metamorphosis” as a child. He sympathized with Gregor’s abusive situation, and began considering the possibilties of how one could survive better as a creature like a cockroach.

Studied in biology and entomology in the Uk before moving to the states to follow engineering. Obtained his degree in Dance as a “side gig” in University.

Has been barred from free access to the coffee maker/machine due to overnighters. Once stayed awake so long that he forgot the letter “R”.

Owned a terrarium of Madagascar Hissing Cockroaches throughout college. He mourned each of them when his roommate’s iguana got into the tank.

Was a "beatnik" back in the day and still kinda is. Embraces and encourages modern counterculture as he himself was not given such acceptance in his youth. He has however shamefully eaten his old Lenny Bruce album.

Hasn’t actually aged physically since his transformation. He attributes this to the fact that certain athropods can’t age physically beyond maturity. Link is very jealous.

Has obtained more degrees while in captivity, as Monger allowed him access to research and learning materials. He has however had his allowances revoked for previous escape attempts/doomsday devices.

Does still enjoy human food, but the cockroach instinct of "eat detritus" tends to overrule his eating choices. Can’t cook either.

Ironically a terrible driver. The damages from previous drives has made Monger restrict him from operating even a razor scooter.

BOB:

Pretty much considers himself human. Was created by them, raised by one (Monger), and talks like one. Gets sad when he's reminded that no other humans are blue blobs like him.

Absorbed some dna from the scientists present at his "birth", leading to his eye, speech, and omnivorous diet.

Doesnt actually need to breathe (as he can just absorb oxygen through his mass) but the fact that humans Do means that BOB thinks he has to as well.

Shares some physical characteristics with tomatoes/nightshade plants, as he is technically half tomato. He refuses to eat tomatos for this very reason, considering it cannibalism.

Attracts garden pests looking for a tomato plant. This unwittingly makes BOB a pretty good bug zapper.

Still retains his "mental broadcast" ability from "BOB's Big Break" although at a more subtle level. He tends to parrot the things he accidentally "eavesdropped" on.

Is empathetic, and can tell when others aren't doing ok emotionally. Will flop down on someone who’s really sad to comfort them. No brain, only heart.

Best cook out of the monsters. If he doesn’t forget what he’s making at least.

"Whats a gender? Can I eat it?"

Insectosaurus:

Core body is that of a Japanese Silkmoth, although she ended up being spliced with other animals present on the island during her initial mutation; namely ants and ground squirrels.

Eats over a literal ton of mulberry leaves per day. Also enjoys oranges.

Secretly wishes to be more humanoid.

Was only able to pupate and transform due to physical trauma. It seems that her transformation was like a “power-up” that required her to be in geniune distress for it to activate.

First language is Japanese. She learned it from the intial recovery team, and later developed an understanding of English from years in Area 5X.

Goes into torpor in cold weather. Pretty much impossible to wake her up for missions during Winter, as she needs to “rev up” before becoming mobile.

Still very much Link’s best friend. Still enjoys sports, chicks, and beer.

Monger:

Full name is; Warren Rex Monger.

Is very protective of the monsters and will defend them to the death.

Pretty much raised BOB (as seen when BOB was a baby blob in “Night of the Living Carrots”), and considers him his “freaky gelatinous son”.

Has a reputation of being a “control-freak” due to his aggressive overseeing of the monsters’ containment. This toughness is partly because of incidents that occured without his knowledge. Lets just say some scientists have been wedgied/fired for running experiments on the monsters without Monger’s approval.

Has a very “Ron Swanson” emotional response and view of the world. Crying is acceptable only at funerals and at the Grand Canyon (if he hadn’t lost his tear ducts in the war).

Has been married multiple times. Will not confirm or deny if he is currently seeing anyone.

Invisible Man/TiM:

Legit got out but no one at Area 5X is sure how. He suffered a geniune medical emergency and disappeared after surgery. The other monsters were informed that he died from complications to deter them from getting escape ideas.

Is able to be detected in Infrared light. Dr Cockroach managed to rig up goggles to view TiM in case of injury and to foil pranks.

Was a scientist working on an invisibility potion for the military and used himself as a guinea pig. Hasn’t actually been able to replicate his results since - thinks the effect may have been caused by a genetic abnormality.

Dr Cockroach and him are massive rivals. Both actually met eachother pre-transformation through a CalTech expedition. This makes the pair one of few people that have seen the others human face.

Is 100% naked. Was forced to wear clothing once this was discovered.

A massive prankster and a cynic. Him and Link were a force to be reckoned with.

Has revisted the facility multiple times and has started a number of ghost stories.

Any additions are welcome! I proably have alot more to dump about. Might make one of the alien characters from the series

[beesmygod]

twin peaks huh (nodding) twin peaks...

ive had this in the tank for 23 days and i just got done with a lot of work and im very high so let me ramble.

what a wonderful series, frankly, lol. uneven at parts, mired in some "of the time" stuff or stuff that is just wildly out there (the arc with ben and the confederate army????). but, as a whole, a gorgeous and emotionally devastating ride worth the payoff. i really really liked it lol it was honestly the kind of story i needed to see right now. it gave me a lot of what i wanted.

i guess we'll address the elephants in the room. if i dont mention this kind of stuff i guess it would be remiss but its not like they're scathing indictments. any criticisms i have couldn't detract from the enjoyment i got from it. they're just like things you notice as you're watching it.

my friend put it perfectly when they said that lynch writes "mentally ill sex worker" characters compassionately and he can also write "shrill housewife" but he sort of struggles with any women outside of those parameters lol. norma's entire arcs revolve around her dating life, shelley is trapped in a cycle of violence and abuse...the woman who has the happiest ending is nadine lol. god remember that scene where she comes running down the hallway at ed and its the scariest thing in the fucking world even though its just to hug him. remember how bad her story was. wow i forgot about her teen hulk shit until right now.

it is inelegant and graceless at times. the episodes directed by lynch shine like diamonds among a sea of pretty good to god awful episodes. my opinions align with literally everyone else: the second half of the second season is really, really bad. we trudged through it knowing that after it ended it couldn't hurt us anymore. but good lord lol. that shit sucked. at least the last episode was cool?

seasons 1, 2 and fwww feel slightly disconnected. i didnt enjoy parts of fwww because they left me wanting in a bad way. the only scenes with coop esp are agonizing in how vague and deliberately obtuse they are. it is only by the third season's grace that the scene was retroactively justified. but as the third season taught me: lynch is going to tell the fucking story he wants. he doesn't give a fuck what i want. and i loved it. thank god i wasn't pandered to i was stupid as shit dude. the ride he took me on was so fulfilling and gratifying.

spoilers and asshole analysis now:

im glad to see im not the only one who read it as a story about the cycles of abuse. the implications of the more surreal parts of the show felt to me like they were implying the cosmic battle of good vs evil had been condensed down to the palmer family and cooper. honestly i wish i was in college so i could write a whole embarrassing paper about this shit.

the show has some interesting things to say about lynch's idea of what evil is and where it comes from. i dont think the meaning is as literal as the shows visuals imply, but its the idea that both of the villains are spawned from what i would assume the author is positing as the most vile and despicable acts committed by humanity leaves us twisting in the wind with how to solve the problems presented by this narrative. and the narrative itself just echoes back "how? how can you?" great question. i uh. uh. i guess dont do it in the first place. welp.

how do you stop the cycle of abuse humanity inflicts on each other? is it possible? what if everything changes but everything stays the same? you know what i mean...? or is this just nutso shit.

anyway: rip jack nance you were the best pete forever petesquad

[kornito]

SOURCE: https://korngiant.tripod.com/kornisgoodforu/id10.html

Dead

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

All I want in life is to be happy", it's that simple. People say that it's become their own anthem. It's like whenever I start to feel good, something comes and takes it away and I feel like I'm nothing again, like I'm dead.

Falling Away From Me

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

The song is about domestic abuse and that there ways to get help whether it's telling someone or calling a help line, there are ways to get out of those situations. Noone has to be treated like that.

Trash

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

"Trash" is about how I threw my world and everything out. I threw her away. I threw my old self away. It basically comes back down to the sex thing. The battles I did on the road, this whole album is what I went through because I was on the road and I went crazy.

Beg for Me

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

"Beg For Me" is more of an angry thing because the whole thing for "Beg For Me" is the crowd. The only time I was good on tour was when I walked up onstage and that's what the song is about. Feeling wanted is something one thing I've always needed. I was shuffled around so much when I was a kid...Being up onstage was the only point was the only time when my anxiety would go away for an hour.

Make Me Bad

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

I need to feel the sickness in you" ... It's spawned from f**kin', basically, from having sex. That's where that line comes from, but it means a whole bunch of things to me. "Make Me Bad" was about the battles I had being on the road, being married and being with other women. I'm not married anymore... beause of my lifestlyle, and I just couldnt do that to my wife anymore. So that ended. But does it make me bad that I have a dick and I have f**ken other feelings to be with other people? Why should I be with just one? It seems like human beings are genetically engineered to procreate. Thats what we do, f**k everything, and that's what our natural insides want to do. It is hard to find someone like that. But she was a good woman and I didnt want to keep on... I did the right thing, I was a man about it. It was better for me to tell her and let her go on with her life and find someone who could help her and be like that. So that song was spawned by that, does it make me bad to want to be with other women? In a sence it was my only drug, why... because I dont drink anymore, I cant drink. I've been sober for a year. I dont have any other vices. So at least doing that could be something.

Hey Daddy

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

"Hey Daddy" where I was schizophrenic and there were these voices telling me to do sh*t... To kill myself, basically. Daddy is one of my nicknames, so its like I'm talking to myself the whole time. It's hard to explain.

Dirty

Song Meaning: Jonathan

"I feel like a fucking whore to record companies." "You know how it is...the way we are used and marketed." "How they make all the money off us and we don't make shit!" "The only way we make money is to go out on tour and sell merchandise" "Basiclly we write all the music and turn in and they make all the money." "So I feel like that and also I feel like a slut cuz I'd go out at night and fucking girls and so I said fuck it, I'm going to do it. The only way to escape is to have sex." "Its all kind of different issues."

Its On!

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

It's On is my sh*t peer pressure song. Me being so stressed out going out and partying. Everybody's just going 'Come on dude, it's on.' That's partying, it's alcohol, cocaine, women. All that wrapped into one. I wrote a song about it. And the chorus I talked about Why am I really doing this? It's all my fault that I'm doing this because all the alcohol, the booze an the chicks do is just make it worse. They just rearrange all the problems in a different order that I can deal with at that moment.

Freak on a Leash

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

One of the best titles I've heard ever for a song. That's my song against the music industry. Like me feeling like I'm f**kin' a pimp, a prostitute. Like I'm paraded around. I'm this freak paraded around but I got corporate America f**kin' making all the money while it's taking a part of me. It's like they stole something from me, they stole my innocence and I'm not calm anymore. I worry constantly.

Got the Life

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

That's a song baggin' on myself. How everything's always handed to me. How I look up to God and don't want this anymore. Like I want something more out of life than all this. And I've got everything I really need but I sometimes don't like. I don't know how to explain it. I have to let it sit through the songs more to actually get into what I write. I truly know, really, the meanings of the songs almost. That's what I'm getting out of it right now.

Dead Bodies Everywhere

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

That was the song about my parents trying to keep me out of the music business. My father was in it and he knew how it was and I totally understand now that I have a son. I want Nathan to be a musician but I him don't want him to go through the hell I went through. That's the same thing my Dad was doing. A lot of people can relate to it, because it's like the Dad's wanting their sons to be football players and their sons want to be doctors or something. That peer pressure its like trying to make them something they're really not. And the Dead Bodies thing is like so I did it and all I got out of it was dead bodies everywhere and got all traumatized. Thanks a lot Dad, Mom.

Children of the Korn

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

That's the song that Ice Cube is on Cube came up with the title. I fed off of what he wrote, he was talking about growing up and puberty. Dictating what he can do, like how you gonna tell me how to live and who to f**k? And all this stuff. And I took that and in my stuff I was talking about being a kid always known as the f**kin' town faggot. It's funny how things change. That some of these people picked on me and all of a sudden look who's laughing now. Also in another of the verse I talked about all these parents f**kin hating me for what I do, saying I'm corrupting their children, but in turn these parents need to step outside of themselves and really listen to what I'm talking about. Then I think they can understand that they were kids before. They're just really quick to judge me. All the Children of The Korn are all our Korn fans. All those kids going through that sh*t and feeling what I feel.

B.B.K.

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

Big black cock! That's what I call a jack and coke. Those little glasses they serve in Europe and everything. That's what I named it, big black cock. And that's another song about me dealing with the pressures of this album and how I, you know, I'm trying to kill myself, but you know? Do I really want to kill myself? Things I'm just questioning myself. Most of this is self-structured.

Pretty

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

It's a story about this little girl that came into the coroner's office when I was working there and she was f**ked by her dad. She was an 11 month old little baby girl. Her legs were broken back behind her and he just f**ked her like a toy doll and chucked her in the bathroom. It was the most heinous thing I've ever seen in my life and I still have nightmares about it.

All in the Family

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

Fred was there after Korn TV and we said, 'Let's do a song together, Hey, man, let's go back and forth and rip on each other like an old school battle.' I don't know who's idea it was, I can't remember if it was mine or Fieldy's or Fred's but we came up with the idea and we started writing and we worked on it together. I came up with some bags on myself for Fred to say. It was all in good natured fun.

Reclaim My Place

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

This one is about the whole band and about all my life being called a homosexual. And then I became this big rock star in a band and I'm still called a fag even by my own band. So it's like I was f**kin' pissed off at them. It's like erase them all because I'm gonna reclaim my place and say hey, they owe a lot to me for what I did, and I owe a lot to them back. But, it still kinda sucks. I've never ever gotten away from that fag f**kin' title. Just because I'm a sensitive kinda guy. Kinda feminine it really sucks.

Justin

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

Justin, that was the kid dying terminally with intestinal cancer. His last dying wish was to meet us and it really freaked me out. That threw a whole bunch of new kind of pressures on my head. That's really intense. Someone's gonna die and his last thing he wants to do is come hang out with us. So I truly just freaked out. It's like why would you want to meet me? What makes me so special? And in turn I talk about how I admire his strength and his life. I couldn't stare at him because he was so content he was gonna die. No one could look him in the eyes. And I totally admire his strength. I wish I had it.

Seed

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

Seed. That's all about the same thing again. I laying in bed in my hotel room, thinking about do I really need all this stuff? All this pressure on me? Because I'm a stressed out freak. It's about Nathan, it's about every time that I look into his eyes, I see myself how I used to be, innocent and stress free. I'm kind of jealous of it. It really sucks, I used to be that way. It's like I have to work so hard at this thing in my life. I have to become a stressed out freak. I put food on the table for my child. Every time I look in his eyes, I just see myself staring right back at my @ss laughing. I was like care free, innocent as a child. It's really weird and I'm really jealous of it.

Cameltosis

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

That's a love song. It's about women in general, women who hurt me. It's Tre's lyrics. He's going on about chicks and my chorus is like I'm so scared to love anyone and really let them in after I got hurt really really bad by a girl. I've let Renee in a little bit, to be honest, but I'll never be that in love ever again. That's what I'm saying, if you've loved twice, you're gonna get f**ked, 'cause you usually do.

My Gift to You

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

Renee always wanted me to write her a love song and that's why I called it My Gift To You. It's my gift to her, you know how I get sick. I always had a fantasy of f**king her and choking her to death. I fantasize about what it would look like me in her body and watching me do it. So it's like a really sick f**ked up song. I did it totally like, I love her so much, I want to take her out of this world. It's really strange. She used to leave notes on my pillow like 25 ways she'd like to kill me. She's got this weird death fetish. We're kinda f**kin' freaky. She got it. She's all 'Thank you that's kinda f**ked up. I was expecting a f**kin' I love you, baby kinda song.' I'm all, 'No, you know me.' I mean I can't do that.

Chi

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

Chi is about a lot of alcohol and drug abuse. People turn to that when they have problems so that they won't have to feel their pain. The song was named after Chi Cheng from the Deftones. We named it after him because he used to call it reggae, and he loves reggae music.

Lost

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

It's the sterotypical thing about your best friend meeting a chick, and then you're nothing

Swallow

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

That's about being paranoid. Drug-induced paranoia.

Good God

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

It's about a guy I knew in school who I thought was a my friend, but who f**ked me. He came into my life with nothing, hung out at my house, lived off me, and made me do sh*t I didn't really wanna do." "I was into new romantic music and he was a mod, and he'd tell me if I didn't dress like a mod he wouldn't be my friend anymore."

"Whenever I had plans to go on a date with a chick he'd sabotage it, because he didn't have a date or nothing. He was a gutless f**king nothing. I haven't talked to him for years.

Mr. Rogers

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

Back in the day when I was a speed freak, um... even further back when I was a little kid watchin' Mr. Rogers, that sh*t was scary. He was a freaky old man... Land of Makebelieve and Mr. f**kinMcFeely and sh*t... made me sick. So back when I was doing speed, like for 5 or 6 days I'd be trippin out and my brain would start to get freaky and get schizophrenic and stuff, and I'd tape it and watch it everyday over and over... I don't know, I was sick in the head. As a kid he told me to be polite and all it did was get me picked on. I f**king hate that man. Thanks for making me polite and trusting everyone, and easy to take advantage of. So I spent 3 months on that one song, just tweakin' on it, and it was totally just my Mr. Rogers obsession, about how evil I thought he was. Pretty much drug induced.

K @ # Ø % (Kunt)

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

People think it's sexist but it isn't. It's more subconcious b*tching at all the women who've been with me in my life. It's not about women in feneral, just those women who hurt me." "Initially, we wrote it to send to American radio for a joke, because they always chop up all the other songs. So we were going to send a 'real' single seven days later."

A.D.I.D.A.S.

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

It stands for all day I dream about sex. It's about how much of a pervert my ass is, and how I daydream about what a stud I am. But when it comes down to it, I'm a f**king pussy and I'm in there jacking off.

a** Itch

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

That was the last song I wrote, and I was so burned at writing out lyrics because everytime I write I get depressed because I start thinking about things, you know? So the whole song is about that. In the chorus it says, 'Before day, my sun will be dying'. It's because I put myself on the line all the time and for what? Because people aren't going to be listening to it anyway.

Kill You

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

It's about a relative I first met when I was 12. I f**king hate that b*tch. She's the most evil, f**ked up person I've met in my whole life. She hated my guts. She did everything she could to make my life hell. Like, when I was sick she'd feed me tea with Tabasco, which is really hot pepper oil. She'd make me drink it and say, 'You have to burn that cold out, boy'. f**ked up sh*t like that. So every night when I'd go to sleep, I'd dream of killing that b*tch. In some sick way I had a sexual fantasy about her, and I don't know what that stems from or why, but I always dreamt about f**king her and killing her

Ball Tongue

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

The meaning of ball tongue is simple. Some thought it had to do with oral sex, but in fact its about a guy we had to work with on a t-shirt (Jeff Creath). He either had a pierced tongue or a wart or something on his tongue and he was a dick to us.

Different live: Jonathan goes into a Rap (by Coolio) Called "Loddi Doddi" in the middle of the song.

Clown

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

Korn was playing a show in San Diego for a clothing card. This skinhead guy came up and started flippin' me off. When we started, I bent down and the guy took a swing at me. Our tour manager, Jeff, got into it and knocked the guy out. I wrote this song about him: 'Scared to be honest with yourself/you're a cowardly man.

Faget

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

Everyone thinks I'm bashing gay people in this song, and I'm not. It's really about me going through high school being called 'pussy,' 'queer' and all that stuff, about getting picked on by all these jocks.

Shoots and Ladders

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

It was written because all these little kids sing these nursery rhymes and they don't know what they originally meant. Everyone is so happy when singing but 'London Bridge' is about the Black Plague. All of them have these evil stories behind them." "The lyrics are all from nursery rhymes, and a lot of nursery rhymes go back to the Middle Ages. They're actually pretty twisted if you know the stories behind them, like about Black Death and stuff.

Helmet in the Bush

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

It's about a speed problem that I had. You know, you do a lot of speed and -- if you're a male -- your penis retracts severly. The guy heard at the beginning of the song is La Caco, a friend of the band. His real name is Michael and likes taco bell. He's a really Nice Guy and he has been friends with the band for years

Daddy

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

People think daddy' was writen because my dad f**ked me up the ass,thats not what the song's about. It wasn't about my dad or my mum. When I was a kid I was being abused by someone else and I went to my parents and told them about it. and they thought I was lying and joking around, they never did sh*t about it. They didn't belive it was happening to their son. I don't like to talk about that song, this is the most I've ever talked about it...

[yellowbluemoonshine]

Bnha 277; The boy who is being Left Behind

Lets talk about chapter 277.

War arc vs Gentle Arc;

First, THIS

Source; https://twitter.com/CDCubed/status/1279821074373283841

Most people pointed that they looked like Allmight and Afo but i think that scene is clearly is more like Gentle vs Deku fight.

Deku vs Shigaraki is really looks like Deku vs Gentle but difference is Deku is the one who is up, like he is kinda in villain pose or like he is the one who is trying to supress him.

Remember that Gentle is also Deku’s foil just like Shigaraki. In spor festival arc, Deku fight it to protect Eri’s smile and other people’s hard work while now Deku is fighting with another Eri.

After their fight, Gentle was redeemed and they both realized that they are kinda similar too. (Which in Izuku and Tenko’s case, their similarities are more, their origins are literally same.)

Also Deku realized that how Gentle’s existence is a light for someone else so maybe in the future, he might realize that Shigaraki’s existence is light for some people too (league).

Gentle was saved (a villain who was saved by a hero) and after the fight, he wished that Deku’s feelings can reach out to others.

(Like since their pose is very similar,and clearly meant to be parallels, maybe, those scenes might be hints for the the future encounters between Deku and Shigaraki.)

Shigaraki’s smile & Dehumanization by Proheroes;

First, it started with Miruko who enjoy by killing noumus, dead people who were kidnapped and tortured. She called Shigaraki as thing.

Aizawa who is ready kill the cat that Shirakumo/Kurogiri wished to save.

Then, there is another hero who call Shigaraki as monster, only because of this smile.

He doesnt smile to mock heroes, he smiles cause it hurts.

Shigaraki always give this reaction to pain. Smilling is how he express his pain.

He laughed when he was tortured cause he can not handle the pain of that surgery.

He smiled when the thinks he is about to die cause he was scared.

He also smiled when he remembered his origin, his worst trauma.

And Shigaraki’s smile is how he express his pain. This is also norrmal reaction for real life trauma,abuse victims.

Source; https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/healing-trauma-s-wounds/201509/why-clients-smile-when-talking-about-trauma-part-1

Also i already mentioned before how Shigaraki’s sitution is similar to Pop’s sitution from Bnha. So this is not the first time that Endeavour tried to kill a victim who should have saved.

And also Shouto is not here, yeah but Endeavour would want him to be here. Probably reason is he still wants him to carry his legacy. Notice; unlike Gran Torino or Aizawa, he didnt even say them to “stay away from Shigaraki”. Bringing children to war, fighting with them is not a big deal for Endeavour cause he is used to raising a child soldiers.

This guy is hero who supposed to save people. He is also Nana’s friend, also someone who knows a lot of things about him. He is the one who decided to neglected Nana’s son. So its also his responsibility but insteda of facing his mistakes, he didnt just dehumanize him but also he blamed Shigaraki for everything.

Let me remind you. It’s not Shigaraki’s fault for being Nana’s grandson, borning with a decay quirk, being ignored by society, being kidnapped by Afo..etc. Shigaraki’s all life is out of his control and not only he suffer more and more but he is also blamed for existing.

“Your existence brigns pain”, well, tell this to League, to people like Twice. To them, meeting with Shigaraki, league is the only blessing thing in their life.

(Even kids are blind. Tokoyami is blinded by hero society, he thinks what Hwaks did is right, thats probably why the chapter name is “Dark cloud”. Deku who wanted to save everyone fights with another Eri.)

Rejecting Nana and Afo;

Most people are happy to see that Shigaraki rejects them but unfortunately, despite rejecting them, Shigaraki also cant let them go at the same time.

Shigaraki ‘s biggest desire is freedom, a little agency but he is someone who always carry the burden of his past. Despite destroying them, he keeps remembering them againd and again.

Even after he destroyed them (because they rejected Shimura Tenko), he still take the hand besides him.

Shigaraki cant reject his family cause he cant get rid of this guilty feeling that he he had to be punished for what he did so he has to remember. So Shigaraki destroy his memories but then, he will come back to them cause he believes he had to be punished, he cant just continue his life after what he had done.

Then, we see that Afo is trying to take Shigaraki’s will, full control of him but this is too much even for him.

Look how he feels gratefull the person who ruined his entire life. Shigaraki is fighting for little agency, for his will, for the power he gained (remember how Shigaraki had to endure those full of hell-horrible surgery for this power).

Despite rejecting Afo, he is saying “i wanna be greater than you” like Shigaraki doesnt want to be Afo, yeah but he is trying to be his successor, he is still carrying his legacy anyway cause to him, he owed this to him.

Look at how he is still going after One for all, despite saying that its his own will. Shigaraki is not the one who wants One for all. Its Afo. Shigaraki is living his life for the sake of Afo. He still does what Afo wanted him to do.

(His face is not happy smile face, he is smilling cause he is afraid of loosing his will.)

Afo goes far to take Shigaraki’s only agency and Shigaraki still doesnt reject him completely. He doesnt even see this as betrayal, like this is normal to him. His only reaction is “No, this is too much.” like you already took a lot but no more. Shigaraki wont reject Afo completely. he will come back to him eventually cause thats how he used to.

Shigaraki was abused his all life and he is trapped with cycle of abuse, he will eventually return to his abuser’s hands. Despite rejecting and trying to escape from them, he will come back to them.

Shigaraki cant get out of this prison by himself but its impossible for him in those conditions. Shigaraki’s biggest desire is being treated as person but he cant see himself as person cause he was never treated as person.

(This is also i believe that will chage later when one hero saves im and league, the people who saved by Shigaraki tell him that he is not a thing, his existence is not destruction, that meeting with him is a miracle for them.)

Shigaraki was dehumanized by Afo and Ujiko.

He was dehumanized by random people he never met before.

He was dehumanized by heroes who should have saved people. He is abandoned by everyone.

Overhaul Arc vs War arc;

This was mentioned by a lot of people how this arc is opposite of overhaul arc. Since this was mentioned, i wont mention about it a lot. Just a summary;

- Heroes came to save Eri in overhaul arc, heroes came to kill Shigaraki in war arc.

- Heroes/teachers are worried about sudents in ovrehaul arc, heroes /teachers are bringig students to the war and focusing on revenge/destruction in war arc.

- Overhaul experemented on human, Eri and heroes defeated him by saving Eri and her power. Ujiko expremineted on many people, heroes killed all the victims of science and they also tried to kill Shigaraki. They didnt even really Ujiko and they didnt dehumanize him the way they did with Shigaraki, despite Shigaraki is the one who is victim here.

- Overhaul’s arc’s victim is Eri, This arc’s Eri is Shigaraki. Heroes won that arc with saving Eri, heroes are loosing in this arc cause they dehumanized Shigaraki. (Narrative punishment for heroes cause they didnt act like heroes).

- Extra; In overhaul arc, Nighteye was killed by a villain and Uraraka understood the meaning of the life, this became her own motivation to save people, just like Deku. In war arc, Twice was killed by a hero and Toga understood the meaning of life, this became her own motivation to destroy hero society, just like Shigaraki.

Conclusion;

I think meaning of this arc is to show that how far heroes can go, how they are not different from what they fought, like the true face or lets say dark side of heroes, hero society. How much they are blinded by system and dont realize what they did is horrible but also how they saved people depends on to their situtions. Saving Eri and destroying another Eri, only because one of them cant cry like another. since Shigaraki cant cry and cant ask for help, i wonder how they will see his pain.

Cause in this chapter, he showed his pain, he was distracted by Afo, pretty much was fighting for his own will, he was literally cried (yeah its crying, remember how his smile is no differen tthan his crying, its obvious that he was suffering) but heroes, all of them, even Deku ignored it.

So since this is the story of how Deku became the greatest hero and there is a clear set up for to fix the flaws of society, i think something will happen to change their perspectives. But it has to be something different like that they will feel so regret that what they have done, especially what they have done to Shigaraki. Since they are heroes.

(I might edit a little things later but for now, thats it. This became random cause i wrote analysis before but i accidently deleted it :’/ so i had to write different version of it again. Well, i hope i didnt forget to write anything. )

[motherofbulldogs]

ALEXANDRA SHULMAN: I know the efforts aides made to make Meghan welcome. She didn't want their help

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/debate/article-9334003/ALEXANDRA-SHULMAN-know-efforts-aides-make-Meghan-welcome-didnt-want-help.html

Before the Duke and Duchess of Sussex married, a professional creative, well used to the intricacies and diplomacy involved in working with Royal households, was interviewed for a role by Meghan.

A mutual friend ran into the candidate immediately after the interview and asked excitedly how the experience had been.

The reply did not sound encouraging. ‘Well. Let’s just say it was like The Devil Wears Prada. And I was not Meryl Streep.’

Judging by the bullying allegations that have now emerged in a leaked email from the Royal couple’s then communications secretary, Jason Knauf, this was not an uncommon reaction.

It turns out that Meghan did not want guidance or support, or certainly not of the kind she was getting. No, as we later learnt in her interview with Tom Bradby on the South Africa tour, she wanted to be asked how she felt

I have met Knauf many times and I have to say that he must have felt pretty hard-pushed to do something that could undermine any of his bosses.

With her beautiful son Archie, current pregnancy, dashing Prince, stonking commercial deals, Montecito mansion and now her global fame, you would think that the Duchess of Sussex might feel… job done.

What more could she possibly wish for? But as we will be hearing on her Oprah interview (and how I wish I was strong-willed enough not to watch it), that is very far from how she feels.

She is aggrieved. She is a woman much misunderstood. She was, until she was able to flee to Santa Barbara, a voiceless victim like so many of the abused women she constantly tells us she supports.

And who were these tormentors? Well, first up are, apparently, the British media, whom her husband has long also disliked. But a close second are those Royal courtiers and aides who peopled the world she was expected to operate in when she arrived to live here.

One of the striking things about Kensington Palace – the centre of ops for both the Cambridges and Harry when Meghan Markle moved in – is how very old-fashioned it is; think brick-walled cloisters, Jammie Dodgers and hunting prints, strangely muted and dim.

She is aggrieved. She is a woman much misunderstood. She was, until she was able to flee to Santa Barbara, a voiceless victim like so many of the abused women she constantly tells us she supports. Meghan is pictured above with Harry while the aide whose email exposed bullying claims is seen left

KP, as everyone calls it, is actually a labyrinth of small rooms and neatly proportioned apartments with battalions of young staff steering visitors around the corridors to their final destination.

Like many palaces, it is literally inward-looking with not much of a view and a little bit claustrophobic. As a confirmed California girl, Meghan no doubt found it so. And probably a bit depressing.

The staff who work at KP, like those at Clarence House and Buckingham Palace, are a hugely industrious bunch, happy to put in incredibly long hours for comparatively low salaries because they enjoy the status of working for the Royal Family. And they care. They care a great deal about protecting the Royals in every way, from organising the details of daily life to their image and security.

I remember meeting Knauf for the first time. He was a good-looking young American (a direct contemporary of Harry) wearing a formal grey suit and the requisite palace lanyard, and I found him quite daunting.

He didn’t seem big on small talk or even the smallest joke, and clearly took the view that this meeting was mine to lose. He was the one in control. As I got to know him better, I discovered he has a great sense of humour but, even off-duty, he was implacably loyal to his bosses.

The idea that he, or anyone working alongside him, would have had any interest in not supporting the incoming Meghan Markle as she tried to navigate this new world is simply not credible.

In truth, the opposite is true. Even before Meghan arrived, I know for a fact that the KP team were busy rallying a group of interesting and influential people who might be helpful and friendly to her in a new country.

They had learnt from the sad story of Princess Diana that letting a newcomer flounder in the somewhat archaic Royal pool, where they could feel isolated and unsupported, could be disastrous.

But herein lay the problem. It turns out that Meghan did not want guidance or support, or certainly not of the kind she was getting. No, as we later learnt in her interview with Tom Bradby on the South Africa tour, she wanted to be asked how she felt.

Knauf’s email raising concerns about Meghan’s intimidating behaviour came about after a growing number of complaints – all from women – in Kensington Palace.

At that time in 2018, the corporate world was finally beginning to take accusations of bullying and bad workplace practice seriously – and Knauf, an accomplished corporate professional, had his ear close enough to the ground to know that such things couldn’t be allowed to fester, even in a palace.

The decision to confront this toxic situation would have been nightmarish to make. The last thing Knauf would have wanted was the idea that he and his colleagues were ganging up against Meghan.

In addition, Harry and William were still linked by their joint foundation and a huge amount of behind-the-scenes work had been put into developing the notion of the two brothers as emotionally literate, empowering, modern Princes – and nobody wanted the whole thing to fall apart because of the new wife on the scene.

So, no doubt to begin with, allowances would have been made for Meghan being used to a different workplace culture. The serried ranks of polite young women in KP, with their unassuming clothes and understated make-up, all used to working quietly and cautiously in a certain way, may have appeared lacklustre to her.

But reports that staff were bothered by her sending 5am emails from her yoga mat, as if that were too demanding, would have been wide of the mark. Employees in the Royal offices know they have signed up for 24/7. Pretty well every day of the year. It’s less of a job than a vocation involving a big slurp of the Kool Aid and being prepared to put your own life on the back-burner.

Although we might think that we Brits have a more hierarchical culture than the Americans, the US workplace is far more status-led, with much more visible deference expected from juniors to seniors.

Meghan would have been used to the noisy can-do ethos of that arena in contrast to the measured but often more effective British approach.

In the States, at least until very recently, it was not uncommon for employers to scream and shout when they couldn’t get what they wanted – right now. Harry’s ‘What Meghan wants, Meghan gets’ admonishment, so jarring to our ears, would have been an entirely acceptable mantra in many an American institution.

But perhaps more difficult than a clash over working styles for the team who worked for Meghan, and possibly for Meghan herself, is that they seemed unable to provide her with what she wanted. Or even to know what that was.

What was clear though was what she didn’t want: being told what she could and couldn’t do.

I have always thought that an American woman I know found me patronising because, on our first meeting when she was new in town, I suggested places and people she might be interested in. She lost no time in telling me that she knew it all already. Meghan clearly felt similarly.

One of the striking things about Kensington Palace – the centre of ops for both the Cambridges and Harry when Meghan Markle moved in – is how very old-fashioned it is; think brick-walled cloisters, Jammie Dodgers and hunting prints, strangely muted and dim

Unlike the Princess of Wales, Meghan arrived on the scene as a woman in her 30s, with friends and connections, experience and opinions all bedded in. She knew what she liked and wanted, and had no interest in anyone thinking there might be any gaps where she would appreciate a bit of advice.

And unlike Catherine Middleton, who, by the time she married Prince William, had experienced years of living in the Royal goldfish bowl with its oxygen of protocol and precedence, Meghan would have been confounded by what might seem ridiculous prohibitions and rules.

Maybe it’s not surprising that she shot the hapless messengers, venting frustration on the team trying to help, and drove them away. Her lawyers deny bullying ever took place, but I don’t think I’ve ever heard a bully acknowledge themselves as such. Often they don’t even recognise they are doing it.

You have only to hear the way Meghan refers to The Firm (Prince Philip’s term for the working Royals), as if it were a cross between the Cosa Nostra and the Scientologists, to know that Team Sussex will no doubt regard the timing of the release of these accusations as directly targeting Meghan in revenge for the Oprah interview. And they may well be right.

But such is the Oprah machine’s build-up of the revelations of this interview (and let’s not forget one being broadcast as Prince Philip lies in hospital, which unless the Sussexes had rubbish lawyers, they would have reserved the ability to postpone), it was probably too much too expect, of even our usually buttoned-up Royals, to sit back and take it.

After all, they, like Meghan, are only human.

[cs-discourse]

it is my dream to unlock all of the cs & discourse mods backstories. why is juice box filled with hatred? why does phe hint vaguely at a sad angst backstory? ( legit tho phe, you ok? ) why do rando anons dislike cinna for super petty reasons? why did I think phe and peach were the same mod? why does raey suck so much? actually, why do all the rp mods suck so much? these are some of the questions I hope will be answered by the unlocking of the mods backstories.

fjjvhdhhche honestly, if you really wanna know, sit tight for a second. Youve unlocked my sad anime backstory by asking 😔😔😔😜 But yeah tw for abuse and suicide ig.

So to keep this as short as I can, my mom yeeted basically as soon as I was born, my dad went off to war and when he came back he couldnt hold any jobs so me and him lived w my grandparents (who were taking care of me when he was gone too). My grandmother (bitchma from now on) hates him (and i hated him for a while, but now I see why she did and I love him) and kicked him out bc he had no job and major ptsd.

So I lived with gparents up until I was 18. In that time I was basically subjected to gaslighting, manipulation, all types of mental and physical abuse, mostly by bitchma. They believed in spanking (ofc. which is fucking horrble. do not spank your child) and I would legit have panic attacks??? anxiety attacks? (not sure which. i bever figured it out) where I couldnt breathe and I hyperventilated and sobbed and it was horrible, and bitchma would just tell me to “Stop that, you can breathe” while im sobbing and gasping for air. She’ll get mad at anything and everything, screamed constantly, blamed me for everything. Always said “Well (insert other child) didnt do this” or “I bet your friend (only friend i talked about) gets good grades”. Would scream at me about clothes I would wear, even if she backhandedly approved them earlier. Would hurt my feelings and when I would cry or feel the courage to tell her she hurt me she would just say “the world doesnt revolve around you”. Never apologized. Got mad at me for bad grades when I was in such a bad mind state because I had to live there with her. Said “I’ve never had a child that’s failed before, even your dad got good grades. But it seems like the only thing you can do.” That hurt me a lot. I remember it so clearly. I tried to kill myself that day, and other days, but by then I had friends I cared for. And I loved my friends as my family. If I did it, they would hurt and I never wanted to do that to them.

But coming back to my dad hate, she hates him because she couldn’t mold him into a perfect little child and was realizing she couldn’t mold me into a perfect child either. My dad and I have such similar personalities and likes it’s insane. Most likely because we were raised by the same tyrant with the same mindset of “I hate her”. He’s told me that even though he’s literally been deployed in war, some of the shit she’s done has given him more ptsd than it. I moved in with him when I turned 18. This is the happiest I’ve been in my entire life, escaping that hellhole. There’s so much more she’s done, but honestly I don’t have the willpower and don’t want to drone on, this is very long.

But yeah. She’s the only person that I’ve ever had no mercy for. When I heard she may have cancer, I was so fucking happy. But she didn’t, sadly. With the shit bitchma subjected me to, I honestly wish her the worst with her growing age. That’s how much fucking pain she’s caused me. Sorry to dump, but 1: you did ask and 2: it feels nice to vent

.phe

-

You probably thought we were both the same because I tend to keep to myself and both mod names start with P and I was signing as MP for a while when I started typoing Peach a lot and wanted to save myself the trouble.

Also, here’s my backstory LOL.. o<-<

I was born with a tumor disorder called infantile myofibromatosis and all that means is that I had self-resolving tumors all over my body at about age 3. As a result of the tumors going away, I spent a lot of years 8-12 in the hospital getting spinal transfusion work and checkups due to a destroyed vertebra, which would have resulted in paralysis from the waist down if untreated. I’ve got some pretty neat scars from all of this and I kinda want to get them turned into tattoos but I can’t because of MRIs scheduled for every 10 years.

Thankfully, the surgeries worked and I could resume “normal” activity approved by my surgeon at about 16. I have pictures of my before and after spinal x-rays if anyone wants to see. I think they’re kinda cool.

I tend to be a shut book about everything unless we’re friends and usually when I tell people everything they’re like D: I’m so sorry. So I just skip the guilt of sharing and don’t.

I’ve got a lot of nostalgic interests because I feel like I’m always trying to make up for lost time but I’m working on letting some things go.

My family tries to be supportive most of the time but my father is manipulative and tries to gaslight everyone. He kinda treats everyone in the house like we exist to serve him like a king and my brother’s frustrations often wind up being exploded all over my mother and I. It’s very a toxic household situation and I was happier before COVID when I could party and club and avoid my family with my college friends but I think that ship has sailed.

I’m currently in the process of trying to save money for future rent and new clothing, take my GRE again to raise my score above 160 and then fly the coop for good. It’ll probably take a year for all of this at least, if not longer. We’ll see. // Mod Peach

[red-elric]

so ive read fruits basket like twenty times, and over the last couple of years i noticed that, each time, i was drawn more and more to the characters of kimi and momiji, and identified with them in a way that was really confusing to me because i didnt really think i *actually* had a very similar personality to either of them? (discord friends may disagree but, well, this whole post is going to be about people and characters who change up their personality to be more likable.) i got all introspective about it and finally came to a conclusion about their characters that i subconsciously knew already: the key similarity between the two of them and myself is the way we very carefully layer subtle personality masks for ourselves to protect ourselves and to seem more approachable and likable without actually being vulnerable to other people. (other characters in furuba do this a lot too--key examples that come to mind are tohru, kagura, and yuki--but i care more about momiji and kimi so this is about them.)

to clarify a bit what i mean by this, ill start with a personal example. ive always been pretty good at remembering people’s names, especially if i think theyre cool and want to become friends with them, but i noticed around middle school or high school that people subconsciously find it intimidating/stalkerish if you know their name and they cant remember yours, especially if youve only met once. on the other hand, if they *do* remember your name, and you admit to not remembering theirs, they feel empowered and sympathetic to your situation; and if neither of you remember the other’s name, you have a moment of solidarity that can lead to a more relaxed relationship. so, i started pretending to have a manageable amount of trouble remembering the names of people i wanted to be friends with. the first two or three times that i meet someone, at some point i will use “clarifying their name” as a conversation starter, ie: “you’re....[], right?” or “is it []?” this is a small effect of a pattern of behavior i tend to follow: feigning incompetence to gain trust and camaraderie. is it manipulative? absolutely, but harmlessly so. its directly derived from my own social anxieties, but its a relatively healthy way to feel more connected with my peers and to stop feeling ostracized by people who resent me for being “smarter” than them--something i struggled with a lot in my youth. momiji and kimi dont put up the *same* masks as myself, but they are both rather adept at maintaining their own masks, and are both incredibly socially perceptive in the same way that i am: they analyze people’s reactions to their behavior and sculpt themselves to get the reaction they want.

lets take a look at what this means for kimi. surface level, kimi seems pretty cookie cutter--sure, shes a little chaotic, but she fits quite nicely into the femme fatale/dumb blonde trope (even though shes not blonde). but did you know that shes actually at the top of her class? its subtle, but to me its always been obvious that shes actually incredibly intelligent and constantly manipulating people to suit her needs. there are easy examples of this, of course: flirting with a teacher to get a new whiteboard, anyone? but there’s one scene that’s always spoken volumes to me about her character, and that’s the one-off joke where kakeru starts to say some “secret” about her, clearly joking, and she immediately shuts him down by cutting him off with “don’t say unnecessary things!” and elbowing him in the side, all while still smiling cheerfully. the subtlety of this is that, with her reaction, she’s actually imitating their audience: yuki. it’s yuki she doesn’t want to know about whatever kakeru knows, so she shuts down kakeru in a way we’ve seen yuki yell at kakeru whenever kakeru makes idiotic jokes. the physical attack, the angry smile, accusing kakeru of saying something annoying, but that doesnt really matter; none of these are particularly characteristic to kimi, she causes as much chaos as kakeru on a good day, but they’re incredibly recognizable to yuki. her reaction is familiar to yuki, and it invokes an assumption that kakeru is making a lame joke, not trying to reveal one of her deepest, darkest secrets, and it works because yuki would react completely differently if kakeru tried to tell someone about *his* secrets. yuki doesnt pursue the subject further, kakeru bounces back easily and doesnt give it a second thought, and kimi is safe. so, we can tentatively say that kimi has a habit of reflecting other’s expectations to hide her true self.

now, is this one scene enough on its own to prove this idea? of course not. however, when we view her actions as a whole we start to see a pattern. we see several instances where kakeru will say something stupid and kimi will listen, encourage it, or say something just as stupid back; it’s only when he tries to reveal something about *her* that she shuts him down. we see subtle signs of genuine anger when he tries to reveal her secret: the overly violent jab, the tensed vein/angry eyebrows, etc--not very characteristic for happy-go-lucky, flirtatious kimi. and, of course, we have several examples of how she manipulates a) men into buying things for her, granting her favors, leaving their girlfriends for her, etc; and b) women into feeling inferior to her, feeling aggravated with her, and thinking she’s incredibly troublesome but knowing that they can’t argue with the men about it. overall, its not a far stretch at all to think she’s manipulating everyone around her to avoid revealing information about her true self: a proud, intelligent woman who enjoys causing chaos, but is also very manipulative and controlling to the people around her and hates being vulnerable.

momiji is in some ways similar, and in other ways very very different. most people--especially characters in the story with him--tend to put momiji in this “sweet, innocent child” box. it’s not just his height--his fashion, mannerisms, outlook on life, etc are all very reminiscent of someone much younger than he is, and people tend to *treat* him like he’s much younger than he is. even if they know intellectually that yes, momiji is significantly older than he appears, it’s very easy for the older sohmas to treat him as a troublesome but still loved younger sibling--someone to be taken care of, not taken too seriously, someone lovable. i’ve seen several people point out that part of *why* momiji does this is because he subconsciously feels that hes not allowed to act like an older sibling (to momo), so he acts as a younger sibling in an effort to get a similar sort of familial bond without overstepping the boundaries that his family instilled in his mind, and i agree. i believe momiji has a habit of feigning youth to more easily bond with the people he loves. his childish actions and behavior make him easier to deal with, and also give him a little more leeway to do things that would normally frowned upon if he appeared older, ex: sleeping in a bed with tohru, wearing a girl’s uniform top to school, taking any chance he can get to be physically affectionate with people, indulging in sweets and candy, etc.

two things draw momiji’s true personality out of its shell: his growth spurt, forcing people to acknowledge his actual age, and the breaking of his curse. late game momiji, to me, has always seemed bitter, tired, and sarcastic, as opposed to the sweet, energetic, and sincere front he’d put on for most of the series, which is very interesting to me. of course, you’d normally *expect* someone who’s gone through as much as momiji to *be* bitter, tired, sarcastic, etc; however, when he puts his child-like mask on, it’s easy to pretend that he’s this loving, saintly child who bears no ill will towards anyone, who can be knocked to hell and back and still stand back up to smile again. and i do think it’s true that momiji has an incredible capacity for forgiveness and love, but there’s also no denying that he has a limit, and we can see that during his first conversation with akito after his curse breaks. this, i think, is the most raw, true representation of momiji in the whole story; momiji has lost his link with the family he made for himself in the zodiac, he’s been physically forced to grow out of his persona, he’s finally seeing that his primary abuser is really not so powerful after all, and he’s forced to finally confront the fact that, while his curse, the thing that caused most of the troubles in his life, is broken, the impacts it already had on his life won’t magically go away. momiji in this scene seems completely disconnected from akito, who is still caught up in the curse, still desperately trying to hold everything together; in his lowest moment, we can finally see momiji, not as an all-forgiving saint, but as someone who just wants to start over. he’s not happy that his curse ended; id even go as far to say that momiji, out of every zodiac, is the one who most wishes it was still around, for the bond that it gave him with the other zodiacs and as something he could pin the blame on for his family struggles. which is why it is so sad to me that his was among the first to break.

now, yall probably know by now that i am a momimi bitch, so lets talk about them together. most of the people i see shipping them--and i fully admit, this is how i started shipping them--simply just say “same energy,” make a few cute headcanons about how they’d use each other for clout, and call it a day. this is perfectly fine. however, here at Overthinking It Inc., we take it a few steps deeper. personally, i have a hard time getting invested in a ship unless i can see how the characters compliment each other, how they help each other grow, and how they could genuinely enjoy each other’s company enough to pursue a romantic relationship. it took a little bit of obsessive extrapolating, but ive finally figured out just *how well* momiji and kimi compliment each other.

momiji, at the end of furuba, is going through a metamorphosis. he’s been forced out of his childish persona and into the life of an adult rather quickly, and he takes the opportunity to try to become more true to himself. we can see, in the last few chapters, the beginnings of bounds of growth; however, i imagine that there is a significant “awkward” period in his growth. judging from what i know about his character, i believe he would, in his effort to be more honest and confident, overcompensate a bit; he would become overbearing, intense, perhaps even oversharing. he might have a tendency to try to figure out what’s “wrong” with his friends and family, might always be trying to “fix” everything. i could easily see him, in fact, develop a bit of a selfish attitude (albeit rooted in kindness--it is, after all, still momiji); in his journey to stop letting people walk all over them, i believe he might become prone to walking over people himself. he’d have no idea where the lines are, where someone’s limits are, because he never had the chance to test them out in his youth, and because the people in power in his life (his parents and akito) never respected anyone else’s limits. enter kimi: tough, walled off, and incredibly secretive, though she tries to hide it. momiji, with his social perceptiveness, would notice at some point how difficult it is for her to form genuine, emotional connections with others, and would feel the urge to help her, to draw her out of her shell, not realizing that she doesnt necessarily want to be understood, nor that she’s (now entering headcanon territory, be warned) *scared* of those kinds of relationships. she’d take it, for a while, but there would come a time when she’d snap. this would do wonders for helping momiji figure out where the boundaries are, and how to be more aware of other people’s wants and needs (and it is something that tohru, reserved little wallflower that she is, would never be able to do for him).

kimi, on the other hand, has not quite started developing her character at the end of the manga. i like to apply all sorts of believable anxieties onto her: maybe she regrets not having an easy connection with other girls, like she does with boys. maybe she refuses to believe in the familial structure (that momiji idolizes). maybe she’s so used to playing the part of the homewrecker that, when she finally realizes that she’s found something or someone she truly loves, she doesn’t know how to handle it, and always worries that somebody’s going to take it away for her. maybe she views connections with others, or vulnerability, as a weakness, something that could be used against her, and tries to do everything she can to wall people off and hide her true feelings. well, good news for her, momiji is the resident king of loving family structures. family is something he truly loves and understands, from how much he’s admired it from afar, and been grateful for the family he’s made for himself in hatori, tohru, and the other zodiac. he’s well primed to help her understand what a true family is like, that real love is a good thing, not a scary thing, and that it’s okay to be vulnerable sometimes. this big, sweethearted doofus who somehow managed to see how much she was struggling under the many layers of masks that she hides beneath? there’s no way kimi wouldnt fall for him. and she, this girl who challenges everything he believes in, teaches him valuable lessons about how far is too far, and is basically the most fun person he’s ever met? there’s no way momiji wouldn’t fall for her.

i believe the two of them would start things off as almost a play; theyd portray a satire of the ideal male and female celebrity couple rather easily; theyd lean into the standard boy and girl roles almost ridiculously so, drawing attention to the absurdity of the standard relationship and somehow flirting through it. kimi, as we know, likes to pretend to be this helpless, flirtatious, “i couldnt possibly do anything on my own, oh whatever shall i do O3O” caricature of the feminine “ideal” to draw men in; momiji, i feel, would respond to that with a dorky, happy-go-lucky, “i can help you with that, miss ; )” caricature of the masculine, “ideal” gentleman, just for fun. theyd put on a show, for each other, for their peers, and for themselves, but they would eventually run into some troubles (detailed above). things would be tense, but theyd keep up their personas--why would they *ever* admit to their flaws to the outside world, theyre perfect? their friends would notice, of course, but wouldnt be able to do much about it; in the end, the only people perceptive enough to read through the bullshit of one is the other. theyd come to an understanding--spoken or unspoken (with the subtleties of their relationship, its not unreasonable that they could change their entire perspective of their relationship with just actions, not direct words or conversation)--and shift back into their previous, flirtatious relationship, except its different this time. because now, they understand each other, they love each other, theyre practically reading the other’s mind, and theyre perfectly in tune. rather than putting on masks to hide from each other, they wear one together to hide from the world--but, they think, that’s probably enough.

[cogentranting]

I still think Once Upon a Time could have done something really interesting if Rumple died instead of Neal in season 3. 

Rumple has arcs I like after season 3, but overall when I look back at his full story over the seven seasons, it doesn’t work very well because there are too many back and forths between he’s redeemed, no he’s not, he’ll do anything for Belle, he’s gonna be really abusive for a season etc. It’s too inconsistent. But if you end the story with his death in 3, it’s a pretty clear clean arc. 

Meanwhile Neal is the Dark One’s son, a huge part of Emma’s origins, Henry’s father, the whole reason the curse was cast... and his impact in the present is pretty minimal. Even his sacrificial death doesn’t actually do that much. It just tells them who the witch is (which they could have found out if they just thought to themselves for a second ‘hmm there’re exactly two new people in town after this second curse. Zelena and Robin. I wonder which one is the evil witch lady?’). Even his role within the love triangle feels underutilized because Emma never makes any sort of choice. She never even really confronts her complicated feelings for Neal. 

So what if, instead, Rumple dies stopping Pan same as always, but then when Neal brings him back using the vault, the way that they save Neal is not by doing the weird combining Neal and Rumple thing- it’s by giving Neal the dagger and having him stab Rumple, becoming the Dark One. 

Then you have Rumple die his big hero death in 3A and cement it in 3B by not letting Neal trade his life for his. And you have Neal suffer the consequences of turning to Dark magic regardless of the price, by being corrupted. From that point forward, Neal can take the place of most of Rumple’s story lines. 

For the rest of 3B Neal is the Dark One and is controlled by Zelena. Through this there’s little hints of him going dark but mostly he remains the same. During this Emma follows the same progression in her relationship with Hook, but at the same time gets to actually make the choice to close the door on her relationship with Neal instead of having it closed for her. She can even make that choice at around the same point that Neal dies in the real show (3x15). Then at the end of the season, Neal is free, seems to be stable, but kills Zelena, just like Rumple did. This is his tipping point into becoming really the Dark One. 

Season 4A his motivations are essentially the same as what Rumples were; he wants to separate himself from the dagger but keep his power (because he’s been powerless his whole life, trapped by his father, by Pan, in hiding in the real world, controlled by Zelena etc. and he’s never gonna be controlled again blah blah blah). He still takes Hook’s heart but this time the connection dives more into the whole twisted family history and their Neverland connection. You maybe bring in some of the “you took Emma from me” idea but keep it pretty clearly as a side thing.  The whole situation now has this added note of tragedy because instead of a straightforward rivalry there was once real familial affection between them. At the end of 4A he’s driven out of town just like Rumple. I think you maintain the connection/friendship that he had with Belle in 3x15 throughout 3B and 4A and still have her be the one to use the dagger for this (though now maybe also have Hook and Emma there as his other two main connections) and it still reflects similar growth in how she views the Dark Ones just with the romantic element removed. 

4B plays out basically the same except that instead of Rumple rewriting his story to make Belle love him, Neal is trying to force Henry to love him (you use 4A to do more with their relationship of them trying to build something but it being off because of how Neal is being corrupted, and then you use Hook and Henry bonding as a foil for that, a positive alternative. This influences the animosity Neal feels while he’s controlling Hook. And at the end of the arc Henry also cuts ties with Neal. In fact if you wanted you could have him fully take the role of Belle in this arc and not develop a relationship with Belle and Neal. However, I don’t want to cut Belle from the story, so you’d have to find her a completely new arc. Maybe you find her a new love interest  (not Will. Ana’s his true love) or maybe you just develop her as a friend for Mary Margaret or Emma. ) The story mostly plays out the same way but with Henry a little more center which fits well with his role in the finale becoming the author. However, there are two difficulties. 1. you have to remove the arc about the darkness killing Rumple, since Neal wouldn’t have accumulated near enough darkness to be killing him. You do have to work in some actually truly evil things for him to do instead of just evil things he almost does, so I think some characters have to really get murdered. I’m thinking Archie or some fairies since they don’t do much anyone and everyone would be horrified. The attempt to remove the darkness to save him would need slightly different justification but it’s all magical mumbo-jumbo anyway so who cares. Potentially he could do something to try to hurt Henry and that could be framed as “an act so dark and against his nature that it’s destroying all the light in his heart” or something like. or it could just be a misguided attempt to stop him from being the Dark One that backfires.  The other difficulty is the alternate storybook. The finale story line really only works if Henry isn’t initially in the book. But I think you can work around that just by saying that A. Isaac is pulling the strings and B. putting in something about how because Henry is the author, their attempts to rewrite him into the book didnt’ work. Other than that it’s the same. You can even still have “heroic Rumple” in the story. 

Season 5A plays out the same except Belle needs a new plot. Play up the Merida connection, let her flirt with Merlin, have her trying to save Neal for the sake of Rumple. I don’t know, her 5A story isn’t great to begin with. Emma and Hook’s Dark One guide is still Rumple not Neal (for that matter if you want to keep Rumple around let Neal see Imp Rumple as his guide for a season or so). Letting Hook die to get his power back is seen as a big step toward Neal being irredeemable. His underworld arc involves a lot of back and forth of different influences-- he’s being forced to try to save Hook who he’s burned a bunch of bridges with, he’s reunited with his mother who gets to move on but her influence isn’t enough to save him, Pan plays more of a role of trying to forge a connection with him, and ultimately he keeps making worse and worse choices until he’s more and more like Rumple at his worst. Eventually he sides with Hades in the conflict and he ends up killing someone (Robin if you want to keep the rest of the story mostly the same, Zelena if you want to make further changes. Belle if you want to go really dark and tragic.) Then Henry trying to destroy magic in the finale is a direct parallel of Baelfire trying to go to a land without magic, because this time Henry is trying to save Neal from the influence of the Dark One. But the season still ends with Neal being the most evil he’s been yet. 

Season 6 has more of a shift. The Black Fairy is still a major influence but instead of using Gideon (who no longer exists in our story), she’s interacting with Neal directly. You keep the savior Rumple backstory because it still plays into the themes of the family history and the two sides of Henry’s lineage. But here Fiona takes more of a backseat and Neal becomes the main villain of the season, and in a lot of ways the culminating villain of the main seasons 1-6 arc. It ends with Emma defeating him, but after he’s defeated there’s a moment of him turning on Fiona inspired by Henry’s love for him (very Luke and Vader- esque). This isn’t presented as redeeming Neal, just offering a glimmer of hope for his redemption. He ends up banished back to the enchanted forest (or another realm). 

Neal then takes Rumple’s role in season 7. He’s looking for the Guardian but now the motivation is sort of a short cut to redeeming himself-- he’s trying to remove the darkness at the expense of someone else in hopes of it magically making him back into who he once was. The Alice relationship is essentially the same. Now the Weaver/Tilly relationship also provides a sort of parallel to the his relationship with Emma when they first met (though of course not romantic) except this time he’s redeeming himself by becoming a more positive influence rather than shaping her into a thief. The Weaver/Rogers relationship plays basically the same role, with adjustments made to accommodate the ways in which the Hook/Neal relationship is different from Hook/Rumple one. But now, Weaver’s connection to Henry is a big deal, and the relationship ties the plot lines together more tightly. Neal’s redemption plays out through this season in equal parts through Alice, Rogers and Henry. It culminates in the finale, with Wish Rumple still being in the finale as a sort of final temptation, and with the glimpse of evil Wish Henry being an inspiration toward his final act of redemption, saving Rogers in order to heal the separated father and child in a way that his own family was never able to heal. This is also plays a part in Wish Henry and real Henry’s final confrontation. 

The way I’ve described it here make it sounded a little like focus is shifted off of Emma, but that’s not the case, her story remains virtually the same  and she is just as dominant. But this gives us three clear avenues- the hero lineage with Snow and Charming and Emma, the redeemed villains with Regina and Hook, and the villain lineage with Pan, the Black Fairy, Rumple and Neal. It gives us a clear through-line on the side of the villains where each subsequent villain gets us closer to our ultimate villain as we watch Neal go from the kind and noble son of the Dark One who he lost, to the skeevy love interest, to the Dark One and the main nemesis. His negative character development becomes the antiparallel to Emma’s heroic growth. 

It also keeps the story lines more closely linked, since often Rumple’s motives in the real show are tangential to what the main heroes are doing. Neal’s corrupt “love” of Henry that put him in clear opposition to Emma’s true love. The romantic history of Emma and Neal informs and complicates their dynamic and presents extra challenges in confronting him, without being a main point, except to positively highlight the strengths of the Captain Swan romance. It let’s Emma be a clear nemesis to the main villain, rather than an incidental obstacle. Defeating him also thematically represents defeating the tragedies of her past-- rising above the broken relationship that made her stop trusting, led to her giving up her son, and putting up her walls etc. in order to be someone who is a wonderful mother, is very happily married, and a hero who protects everyone. 

It also streamlines Henry’s arc. There’s some concept in the existing story of Henry’s mixed lineage, but it’s only explored intermittently. This allows him to have clear representation from all three avenues: from his mother’s side of the family you have the clear heroes. From his father’s side you have the worst villains. And in his chosen family (his adoptive mother and his stepfather) you have the redeemed villains. He’s the product of every type of great hero and villain. By having an evil Neal continually vying for his affections, and having Henry continually and consistently choosing the side of good and hope and redemption, you have a clear representation in him of the show’s main themes.  The finale involving adult Henry, Wish Henry, Wish Rumple, Dark Neal, Regina, a version of Hook (even if it’s not actually the one that’s Henry’s step father) and (in this version) more of a presence for Emma (discussing her more even if you still couldn’t have her in it, but if we’re spinning entire alternate shows here, I’m putting her in the finale) Henry and Wish Henry become a focal point for the themes of the show and Henry’s triumph and the resulting redemption for Neal become a representation of the show’s values. The heroes of seasons 1-6 who aren’t in season 7 also get a piece of this final triumph because their influence on Henry (making him someone who ultimately kind, and generous, and brave and faithful) is what has won out in the end. 

[numbandhigh]

About Jae

MICHEAL JAE BARRONS is a 345 year old BISEXUAL, MALE, HE/HIM here in Upper America. People say they look a lot like SIMON BAKER. They are FUN LOVING but can be EASILY-AGITATED. They are a CIVILIAN. They do not belong to one of of the Noble Houses and work as a BOUNCER AT THE POINTED FANG.

Micheal Jae Barrons

Age:345

Height: 6’5

Appearance: Standing at 6’5 Jae had a broad build with clear muscle definition and mass. He works out regularly which helps keep him in shape. His skin is tanned, with one full sleeve tattooed on his left arm, the detailed illustration of a dragon taking up most of his arm. The thing starts with its tail at the base of his shoulder blade, dark scaled body winding down his full arm in a coiled motion before coming to a stop on top of his hand- the thing sneering viciously. His hair is a golder blond mess of unbrushed curls that he sometimes ties back in a ponytail.

His eyes are a bluish green hazel color with think blonde lashes running along the outer border of his eyelids. While inherently handsome and charming the male has a kind of edge about him that hints to something dangerous and unseen. Though very few people have really seen the side that he barries with drugs.

—-

Jae on the surface is a charming and playful individual. He enjoys flirting and exchanging light-hearted banter and all and all has a very relaxed personality. Though, this is generally due to him being high on something, he dislikes talking about his family and especially his sister. He partially blames his parents for not forcing dahlia to leave her abusive husband while he was away, though most of his anger is pointed inward in silent selfloathing. A part of him wished he could take her place, to give his sister a second chance to find true happiness and live as she wanted.

No one knows about these thoughts though. Not even his good friend darius, he keeps that subject buried and intends to keep it that way.

—–

The Firstborn of a higher level civilian family Jae grew up in a rather comfortable home, his father was a rather well-known law attorney, having headed several high profile cases in the past earning the Man both respect and pretty wealthy living. Jaes mother though she didnt have to- worked as an organizer at the local library, always having a love for books.

Hed always looked up to his father and wanted to follow in his footsteps working for upholding justice and preserving the peace. Though decided that being a lawyer just wasnt for him and chose the path of a blood knight instead. Which his parents wholeheartedly supported. He was in the academy when his younger sister Dariah was born, and instantly when the pair met they developed a close bond and became inseparable.

While Jae had taken after his father, in both looks and attitude, Dariah was soft-spoken and shy much like his mother- an easy target for bullying in school. Leading jae to feel particularly protective over her, hed walk her to school in uniform and pick her up when needed. When she got older he was against her moving out- after all their home had plenty of space and it was safer. But she insisted she needed her own place and against him and his fathers wishes, she left.

While they still stayed in touch- Dariah kept her brother at an arms-length, insisting he was suffocating her with his protectiveness, causing the siblings to only speak a couple times a month. When it was announced that Dariah had been engaged the family rejoiced, a bloodknight in the year above Jae whom shed met working with her mother. Jae had never met the male but was happy for his sister. Giving his blessing.

Though, when he started noticing the bruises. His opinion of the male soured fast. It went on for a few months, Jae had suspicions of his sister being abused but no real proof or evidence. Vampires healed fast after all and Dariah had been protecting her fiance and claiming nothing was happening.

But Jae knew his sister. Knew when she started acting different and closing out their family even more then normal that something wasnt right.

One night, he went to check on her- he was on shift and just wanted to do a house check. She hadnt been answering his calls and jae had a sick feeling.. He found Dariah on the floor of her bedroom, unconscious and beaten severely, her body had already gotten to work healing the wounds but based on the severity.. It was clear this had been intentional- a punishment,

He took her to their family home and went back to the BK Headquarters. Her fiance was at his desk, talking on the phone as if he hadnt just beat jaes sister within an inch of her life when he found him. The male took one look at the bastad split knuckles and saw red.

Jae didnt remember the attack, Hed approached the males desk and saw his hands- and then…it was a blur, a rush of emotional fury and violence that ended with him being hauled off of Dariahs unconscious battered and bloody fiance and restrained on the floor. The males face looked like someone had taken a bat to it- over and over, barely recognizable to anyone.

Jae had broken his nose, his jaw- shattered his teeth and had cracked several of the officers ribs. Leaving the man SEVERELY fucked up. Assaulting a commanding officer so brutally and while in uniform, Jae didnt have much hope for escaping without some prison time. Adding onto the fact that the male had ties to nobility in some regard.. Even his father couldnt bail him out.

Stripped of his status and hauled away for several years, jae didnt regret his decision. However..his sister once she recovered and found out what hed done to her fiance was horrified, she called jae a monster and ran back to the arms of her abuser. She stayed with him for 5 long years, until she ended up taking her own life. He was in prison at the time and couldnt even attend her funeral.

He blamed himself, feeling as though hed failed to protect her, and let that bastard slip through his fingers. Hed wished hed killed the man that night…but when Jae was finally released. The abuser had slipped town and was gone, without a trace. His parents though heartbroken slowly moved on, though Jae never really could. Not without a little help.

Having been introduced to drugs in prison he became dependant on the stuff, and eventually, this led to his parents kicking him from the home and forcing him to live on his own. Which is how he found his way to The pointed fang. His large body and strength made him a prime candidate for the open bouncer position, hes been working there for a good amount of time now and is good friends with Darius Ashtons- another bouncer that works there.

Hes just getting by these days, watching the clock tick by until his time comes.