#she will break down crying and its amazingly voice acted

[snoozaga]

I really love this particular dialoge Minthara has about Karlach

Someone living in constant existential dread admiring something fleeting and impermanent

[lizzybeth1986]

The Stars (Are Out Tonight)

Book: Perfect Match 1

Pairing: Sloane Washington & F!Hayden Young (platonic), mentions of Basil (M!MC) x F!Hayden (black), hints of Basil (M!MC) x Sloane.

Rating: G

Summary: A set of drabbles exploring Sloane and Hayden's (later, Sage) first weeks together as roommates and friends. Many constellations and asterisms (and one planet!) ahead!

Word Count: 4,064

(Faceclaims:

Sloane Washington: Nelly Muse

Hayden Young: Lupita Nyong'o)

Ursa Major

She doesn't know you don't know each other. She doesn't know you don't know each other.

Sloane knew this wouldn't be easy. She's seen Hayden in every way possible, from the moment she was nothing but coding on a computer and wires inside a mould - has seen this girl develop layer on layer in front of her own eyes. She's called her by her Match code. She's seen Hayden glitch and her systems break down, more than once. She's heard her "maintenance mode" voice: blank, robotic, devoid of emotion. A far cry from the animated, carefree woman walking around her flat today like it's her space too, acting like they've been living together for years.

It's like bringing her work home, only her work isn't allowed to know that it's work.

"Sloane lemme see if this time I get these constellations right," Hayden tells her, looking at the chart on Sloane's bedroom wall. "Big Dipper, right?"

Sloane frowns. This sounds like stuff I'd code into a Logical Match.

Hayden laughs. "Probably the only constellation I know. It's my mom's -"

"- favourite." Sloane's voice comes out in a hushed whisper, her eyes wide.

The hardest part of building her first ever Match, was embedding the memories. Sloane didn't talk to a lot of people. She didn't have a well of stories to choose from. So when it was time to give her assigned project a childhood, she had to dig through her own memories and embellish them, trying to imagine what her own mother would do with a child so utterly unlike her.

"Yeah!" Hayden turns to her, still smiling. "Wait, have I told you that before?"

She just didn't realize how much of her mother she'd incorporated in there. What else is there? Mom's famed gin-chamomile tea? The way Sloane's friends would dub her "Momma Bear" for her affection and fierce hugs? The way she used to call her only kid "best child across galaxies"?

The way she once pointed to the sky, pointed to the Big Dipper, insisted Sloane learn the verses of "Follow the Drinking Gourd"*, by heart, and commit its history and meaning to memory too?

But already Hayden's mind is going in a different direction, telling her stories about her own single mother. Tales from Sloane's own childhood, coming out of a stranger's mouth. Sloane tries not to wince.

Canis Major

"Sloane!" Hayden has just returned to her flat from her morning walk, sweating and out-of-breath, holding a brown and white (and rather smelly) bundle in her hands, "look who came to say hello today."

The bundle's fur is ragged, crusted with mud, but its eyes are lit up and its tail is wagging furiously from side to side. Sloane just isn't prepared for the way it jumps onto her lap.

"Agh!" She yells in a panic, her blood already rushing to her head, "Get it off! Get it off!"

It's doing nothing besides licking her face, really, but these frissons of fear and invaded space aren't exactly allowing her to think.

Hayden is amazingly calm as she coaxes the bundle away. "Shh, shh. Down, girl...down. C'mon. Good girl. I've got you biscuits." Her voice is warm and soothing, like cinnamon-spiced hot cocoa. Quite unlike her usual, bouyant enthusiasm.

Sloane lets out a deep, shuddering breath, allowing all that nervous energy to slowly subside. She's surprised how good Hayden has gotten at this in just a week: at figuring out when Sloane needs space and how to handle her panic attacks. And I'm supposed to be her Field Tech, not the other way around!

Later, much later, with the dog nestled in Hayden's arms at the opposite end of the room and Sloane settled enough to listen, Hayden asks if they can keep the dog in their home.

Sloane begins to open her mouth to say no, then stops. How could she have forgotten that list Cecile passed on to her before they'd started building? From the very loaded client whose cousin was already dating Match #103.

Musician...Polyglot...Masseuse...

Animal lover.

And (according to their notes) Mr Park seems to be more of a dog person.

Client #327, you have a lot to answer for.

Tiredly, Sloane nods. If she has to get used to the idea of keeping a dog at home rather than a cat, she'd better start now.

"So what dyou want to name her?"

Hayden bites her lip, her gaze moving from the dog's ears to her fur to her eager tongue, poking out in expectation. "She belongs to you too. Do you have something in mind?"

Sloane grimaces. She knows Hayden means well, but questions like these always make her feel like she's been put in a spot. Never ask me a question that requires me to choose! I'm steeped in indecisiveness! In her mind, she gropes around blindly for a canine-appropriate name. Any name.

"Uh...I'm not sure. Sirius? Wait...no...that wouldn't work." The dog's ears perk up and her tail moves faster, but she doesn't make a move towards Sloane. For that Sloane's already grateful.

Hayden's eyes soften as she turns her gaze towards the dog again. She grins widely, almost as if the best idea ever has just come to her.

"What about Dipper?"

She draws in a sharp breath. The dog's tail wags even faster this time, almost as if in approval. "Dipper??"

"That's a memory we shared, right? Now we're sharing this little mutt too."

Sloane cannot name the warmth that spreads through her at Hayden's words, nor can she pinpoint what it is about that dog that makes it easier for her to share with her, this space. All she knows is that if her mother were here, she'd be happy that her Trudy's in good hands.

Dipper, she hugs the words to herself as she allows the brown-furred, black-nosed bundle to explore her new home, Little Dipper.

Altair and Vega

There were a lot of things Sloane was taught to expect with Hayden's first Big Date with Client #327. From her boss, from her colleagues, from office gossip. Unnatural eye dilation, quickened breaths, distracted behaviour. A need to bring up mentions of that person in normal conversation.

Whatever she's been told, doesn't seem to hold a candle to what she's seeing in Hayden now.

She returned home yesterday in a brand new dress - a lovely black-pink silk ensemble - her beautiful hair a little dishevelled from the rain. Sloane could practically feel the change in her: the electric charge in the air...the way her eyes darted around as if Mr Park could still be around, in their home...how uncharacteristically quiet she was being...the way she'd let slip something he said or did during their date in the middle of a conversation.

Sloane suggests their first-ever documentary night the next day. Well...at least to Sloane it is - to Hayden this is just their weekend ritual.

She picks out Stargazing: A Graphic Guide to the Heavens tonight, an old favourite. It's the only DVD that hasn't been worn for over-use right now, and it's one she loves for how soothing the narrator's voice is, how straight-to-the-point its script is. She wonders if this choice won't prove too boring for Hayden.

"In Ursa Major, two stars point to the fifth brightest star in the heavens, Vega. Vega dominates Lyra, the constellation of the harp..."

"Vega..." Hayden echoes, her voice suddenly sounding miles away, "Vega."

Sloane tenses, again, remembering their first day in this flat together. But I don't have any memories about this star.

"He told me a story on the way back to his flat," she whispers, then clears her throat on seeing the confusion in Sloane's face. "Basil. Basil Park. My date from last night."

Sloane slowly lets out the breath she'd been holding. Hayden didn't need to introduce him like that, given how often she's talked about him in the space of a single day. It's almost like she enjoys even just the sound of his name.

"What did he say?"

"He showed me the Summer Triangle in the sky when we were walking back. Pointed out Altair and Vega...and that other star. I forgot its name."

Sloane bites her lip in a urge to stop her laugh. How like Hayden to process only the stuff that seemed important in the moment, and discard the rest - even in her present love-dazed state! "Deneb."

"Yeah, yeah, Deneb," she dismisses the name with a casual wave of the hand, "Anyway...Altair and Vega. He told me there was a whole festival back home in Seoul dedicated to them. Chilseok, he called it." Hayden lets out yet another of those dreamy sighs. "It's...quite a romantic story, to be honest."

The documentary drones on in the background, but neither Sloane nor Hayden are listening any longer. Hayden's tale is too riveting - of love won and lost, of lovers separated by a river of stars and reunited by a bridge of magpies and crows, compelled by the power of their grief. Sloane wants to cry for the way the two can only cross the Milky Way once a year, but the fact that they're given this one day at least warms her a little inside.

Sure, she's has heard of many interpretations from around the world of different celestial wonders, but not many spun with the magic and the hope of the Ox Herder-Weaver tale. Not the way Hayden is describing it to her, which was doubtless the way Mr Park weaved that tale to Hayden.

She tells Sloane about how they shared their first kiss just minutes after he shared that story, and Sloane feels a painful, unsettling weight in her chest. The story of Gyeonwu and Jiknyeo is just a story, just a way to insert meaning into heavenly objects light years away...it shouldn't make her stomach want to dissolve into a puddle at her feet. She's had her fair share of relationships, dated and been in love enough times for romantic tales like this one to no longer matter. But it does.

And Sloane doesn't like the fact that she doesn't know why.

Pegasus

Fifteen minutes pass as Sloane waits by the river. Twenty. Thirty. It's the Saturday after Hayden's trip-gone-wrong at Cedar Rest, and Sloane can already feel how clammy her hands have become from dread. Hayden promised to be back from a party in time for their weekly trip to Hudson River Planetarium, and she's now late by half an hour.

Sloane doesn't want to face the possibility of going to the planetarium alone.

But who can blame Hayden? She's settled in to New York and the city life, far far better than any of them had envisioned. She's a vibrant, lively woman, with no dearth of friends and a great social life. Most of all, she has a man like Basil. Who'd want to hang out with little ol' me when they have all that?

Sloane lets out a sigh. Basil. That's the other thing eating away at her. Even though she's seen him only three times, his face is imprinted in her brain. And she just can't stop thinking about him. His sharp jawline...his aqualine nose...his serene, yet piercing gaze...that lopsided smile that she sometimes dreams is only meant for her...her stomach dips downwards at the sheer memory of him. Both from desire and from guilt.

Deep breaths, Sloane reminds herself. Half of this is her own fault - look at you, she chides herself, pining away for no reason. You were the one who started all this. You were never meant to be the person they'd love, the woman they'd belong to. You're supposed to bring them together, not stand in the way!

Unbidden, an old poem emerges from the depths of her not-always-reliable memory.

The Moon and Pleaides have set -

Half the Night is gone.

Time passes.

I sleep alone.

Sloane looks up at the night sky, swallowing. But it isn't the seven sisters she sees tonight - it's the Great Square. The asterism nestled deep within Pegasus.

Fitting, she thinks bitterly. She knows the stories revolving around the horse-shaped constellation - the winged beast of the heavens who carries Zeus' thunderbolts. The horse that ascended, alone, to the skies, leaving behind the rider that came with him to his death. The gods would probably call Pegasus a hero, and his companion Bellerophon an arrogant man who deserved the end he met. And maybe, on any other day, Sloane would agree.

But now, shivering from the dread of being left behind, she can't help but wonder how much it would hurt to be left behind by someone you trusted, without a second glance.

"Hffh...hffh...Sloane!"

Sloane looks down at ripples on the river, preparing to straighten herself and get back home. She barely notices the voice huffing behind her.

"SLOANE!" she now hears a faint echo from the distance, "SLOANE. I'M HERE."

She jumps back, startled, then holds the rails for support. "Hayden??"

She pants and puffs all the way to Sloane, bending over and holding her knees when she's reached to her side. "Sorry....left... home...late".

Sloane sucks in a deep breath. "But...the party?"

"Couldn't go...bad headache. Called them and told them no."

"What! Then you should've told me! I'd have cancelled!" That weight of guilt on her chest gets heavier. All that time Sloane was fearing Hayden wouldn't want her around anymore...and somehow it was her that Hayden chose to run to, not those new friends. Not even her boyfriend, who somehow Sloane also wants.

Maybe...maybe a friend like me deserves to be left behind, she thinks as she feels the pinprick of tears in her eyes.

"That's bullshit," Hayden whispers fiercely, enveloping Sloane in a hug. "Don't ever believe a word of that, you hear me?"

It's only then that Sloane realizes she's said that treacherous thought out loud.

"Why not?" Sloane hiccups in her arms.

"Because you're you. You're the best, you're the smartest, you're the funniest, you're the most loveable girl I know." Hayden gives her a tired but roguish grin, one that Sloane knows would look warmer and more open if her neural core wasn't malfunctioning so badly right now, giving Hayden what she clearly thinks are headaches. "And I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one who thinks so. I know at least one other person who'll agree with me."

Sloane opens her mouth to ask who, but Hayden ushers her in the direction of the planetarium before she can even get the words out.

Behind them, and a little bit away from the Pegasus constellation, the stars of the Big Dipper twinkle a little brighter in the sky.

Orion

At night, when Hayden thinks she's asleep, Sloane switches her off. Her circuitry glows a bright blue in the darkness, reminding Sloane of fireflies. She works slowly, cautiously, fearfully, even though she knows there isn't a chance in hell Hayden will hear anything when she's offline.

Half an hour later, Sloane sinks into their sofa, still struggling to accept the truth.

Extreme damage. Her neural processing system...her power core...there's varying degrees of damage in so many places inside Hayden, that Sloane can't even decide from where she should begin fixing.

She knows what this means. Code Red. The point of no return. The point where they will rip away a Match from their environment, their Handlers, the partners who chose them - stage hospital emergencies, strap them to beds, tamper with their minds.

Not even Steve Tennyson's condition was this bad...and his F.T. Robert still handled him over to Cecile like he was a faulty piece of equipment. Which...well, until a couple of weeks ago, Sloane would have believed he was.

Until she met Hayden.

It's Robert's behaviour that amazes her now. Yes, he was never Steve's father - just his Field Technician masquerading as one - but did he really feel nothing as he left Steve to be repurposed, broken down, forced into another personality? Not a single thing? Is that how everyone feels about the Match they're meant to protect and support? Does Cecile really think they're that disposable?

Just the thought of it makes her sick.

She scans Hayden's face as she begins work again. She looks so beautiful like this, skin smooth as satin, her eyelashes resting prettily on her cheeks, her hair almost falling into her eyes. Like a sleeping Renaissance woman. Often in her sleep, she's heard Hayden mumble out names. Basil, often. Mom, too. Sloane, a lot. Hayden has never seen her as just a roommate, or just an acquaintance. In just a few weeks of staying here, she was ready to make her her family.

Absently, she runs a thumb over Hayden's knuckles. So innocent...so trusting...and more human than any of them could imagine ever being. Some days Sloane can't even bear to look at her without wanting to break down and tell her the whole truth.

Dipper comes in from the kitchen, and settles in around Sloane's ankles. She nuzzles at the base of her foot, whining. Funny - less than a week ago Sloane would have protested this invasion of her space...but now she's just grateful for any touch, any solidarity, from the one living being in this house.

"Don't worry, pup," Sloane tells her, distractedly rubbing under the dog's ears. Only Dipper notices the stubborn set of her jaw as she whispers the words: "If they're gonna try anything to harm her, those fuckers will have to get past me."

Dipper yelps in approval at the involuntary cussing. Doubtless Hayden's influence.

There's no way she can toss Hayden back to Eros now. Eros couldn't even begin to understand what makes Hayden so special, and Sloane will be damned if she's going to pass her friend (Not project. Not product. Friend.) to a bunch of people who'd never value her.

This Artemis won't make the mistake of trusting the gods.

Venus

Basil -

Ever since we -

If only you knew how much you -

To quote the words of the great poet -

Three hours. Three hours, twenty eight minutes, sixteen unfinished sentences, and ten crumpled sheets of paper. That's the sum total of all Sloane's failed efforts to tell Basil Park how she feels.

They're in Berlin now, in a temporary safe haven that Damien was kind enough to offer them, even though he never took the owner's permission. (she winces as she remembers Damien and Alana, at how casually and coldly they discussed leaving Hayden and her behind. It took Nadia and Basil to convince Damien to let them stay). She looks out of the window, as she always does when she's too overwhelmed to think, and smiles faintly at the glow of Venus the morning star in the night sky. She isn't sure if there's enough space here on earth for the goddess of love to shine upon both her and Hayden, but she wishes with all her heart if it's possible, Venus will.

(Later, much later, Sloane will hug to her chest the memory of Basil's eyes (on her? On Hayden?) as he told Damien in no uncertain terms that they'd never leave Hayden behind. She didn't know how to describe the warmth that coursed through her body, treacle-like, then...and still can't now, where it would really count, where she'd need to write her feelings down)

She throws another wad of paper on the floor in frustration, wondering if she'll ever be able to get this love letter right.

"Sloane?" Knock knock knock. Knock knock knock. Hayden's distinct pattern of tapping on her door. "You in?"

She freezes. How would Hayden feel if she knew Sloane had feelings for her boyfriend? Panicking, she reaches for the discarded sheets before Hayden can open the door and see what's on them.

Hayden's eyes move to her hands, then to her face - stricken with fear - then to her hands again. Her expression, clear-eyed and calm, doesn't change.

"It's Basil, isn't it?"

Gasping, she lets go of some of the papers. "What dyou mean??"

"You're writing to tell him you feel, aren't you?" Hayden's level voice frightens Sloane - she can't tell if it's real or if Hayden's merely masking her fury. "These papers. It's because when you're in front of him, you can never find the words."

It's an observation she would have never expected out of exuberant, impulsive Hayden, and she's too surprised at the accuracy of her words to do anything but nod.

Hayden's mouth curves slowly into a smile. "Do you want me to help?"

Sloane's almost chokes out her response. "What?"

Hayden smiles and looks away for a minute, appearing uncharacteristically shy. "Basil and I...we talked about our relationship a few minutes ago," She fiddles with the bracelet on her wrist, chewing at her lip. "We're gonna keep dating."

Sloane's heart sinks to her toes. "...oh."

"Hey, our talk didn't stop there!" Hayden interjects hurriedly, "We want to keep our options open. Date other people. Explore other relationships." She picks out a thread from her outfit, absently winding it round her finger. Her smile is soft, dreamy. Like she's still reliving their conversation.

Date other people. Explore other relationships.

"...oh".

Hayden giggles. "I knew you'd get it eventually! Say...if you're planning to write him a love letter, why don't you show me what you've got so far?" On catching Sloane's surprised stare, she shrugs. "I've dated him. I know a fair bit of what he likes...I think," Sloane lets out a small laugh at the uncertainty in her tone. "I could help."

Sloane lets out a breath she knew she'd been holding ever since she met Basil. "You'd do that? Really? For me?"

"For both of you! I've seen the way he looks at you, c'mon."

Sloane's stomach does somersaults at the thought, but she still braces herself. Sloane loves Hayden, trusts her...knows she'd never lie about a thing like that...but she won't allow herself to think about Basil returning her feelings until he tells her so.

That doesn't mean she can't try telling him, though. Or that Hayden can't help her with the words.

"We'd better get cracking fast then, Sloane. We haven't got all night and these headaches are killing me."

Sloane frowns. "Again? Do you want me to check?"

"No...no. I'm sure it's not that serious. C'mon. We've got other, more important things to get done. Like this letter."

Sloane breathes out another laugh, amazed at her best friend's singlemindedness. She lets Hayden unravel the papers, shifting uncomfortably as she reads them. Hayden launches into a treatise on Sloane's writing almost immediately.

"The problem with this is you're trying to sound like someone else. That's not want Basil wants. He'd want you. Write stuff the way you'd tell it to him!"

Sloane rubs the back of her neck, too nervous to know where to start. "Are you sure he won't find that weird?"

"No he won't. He'd find it fucking adorable. Because he finds you fucking adorable."

Sloane can feel a welcome heat creep up from her shoulders to her neck and all the way to her cheeks, and it takes all the control she has not to dream of Basil telling her that himself, with that special look in his eyes.

As Hayden lists out an array of suggestions for her love letter, Sloane smiles briefly outside her window. She feels safer now, no matter what's ahead, and more ready to believe in love.

Venus is shining in the horizon, and for once - just this once - Sloane would like to believe the goddess is smiling down at them both.

--

Author's Note: This Hayden's personality is the Adventurer (Outgoing, Rebellious, Humourous, Impulsive), which is the exact opposite of Sloane's scholar-like personality. My MC, Basil, dates all the LIs (though I typically have him date Damien only after they reunite in Book 2).

The poem Sloane remembers in the section "Pegasus" is a poem of Sappho's.

[dantelionwishes]

"Watanabe."

Sato spoke in a firm tone as he leaned against the wall behind him, arms crossed with difficult-to-read expression across his face. He was never a fan of lecturing his students like this, but it needed to be done every now and then. Kids were getting more and more stubborn nowadays, and he's not sure who to blame.

"We've discussed this in the past during our classes. Have you forgotten? Tell me." The teacher waited for an answer from the injured boy, his voice loud and clear with instruction.

A soft huff came from the boy. He felt like he was somehow dying and dead at the same time. Everything hurt. Everything felt terrible.

"... I was winning." He croaked. Whether that was really true or not didnt seem to matter. Maybe he fried his brain a little...

"You were winning in a losing battle with yourself, Watanabe." The teacher had raised his voice a little with urgency, "So many times. I've told you to never overuse your quirk like that." Even while wearing the mask it was clear how loud his voice was getting as he spoke, a growing exasperated appearance on his usually calm face.

"Do you understand the risks you physically take when you pull of stunts like these, Watanabe? Do you?"

....

He turned his head away from his teacher, grunting lightly. Hell, even that simple movement hurt like hell-- "Everyone's quirks b-.. Backfires somehow." Sniff. "... 's not my fault-... Not my fault mine sucks." If he had just gone a little further he could have knocked her out of the ring. Could have proceeded. Hell, he might have won the entire event!

A sigh.

He was crying. Sato took a deep breath to calm himself down and massaged the bridge of his nose.

"You're not listening to me, you can't even answer my question." His brain really was that close to getting melted, his student's basically delusional at this point. He can't think of anything else. Sato really is grateful to have a co-teacher like Lucca to act as referee. Their special class of unique students were a bit stubborn, almost comparable to the current third years when they were younger.

"I've told everyone in class to not overuse their quirk, not just you." The teacher leafed through Taishiro's medical papers, briefly going through the history of his quirk. "Do you understand where I'm going, Watanabe?" Based on the student's expression alone, he knew he wasn't listening.

Previous records of burns. Overuse. Overheating in summer. Some brief notes about malnutrition and possible neglect from a few years back-

"......"

Was he listening? Tired? Or did he fuck himself up and needed longer to think? Oh lord.. ".... Ss.." ow

".... Sato-sensei... I-- gh... You don't get it at all." sniffle. Ow existing is painful. "... I-i have to."

"You don't." His voice stayed unyielding, but kinder. "You don't have to, Watanabe."

Sato set the papers beside away, handing it to Recovery Girl who watched with a worried expression. "It's...a high school event," he approached, sitting at the foot of the bed where his student rested. "Watanabe. It's a sports festival. You are a sixteen years old teenage student who shouldn't be focusing on studies and making friends."

"...."

Sniff

".... You d.. you don't get it-" It felt like no one did "You just-- S-sometimes you just gotta deal with a little pain- UGH-" Yoshie look what you did you fucked up the kid- He squeezed his eyes(?) Closed. "T-... To get where you need to.."

"A little." He repeated, "A little pain." Sato felt a nerve pop at how Tai's words, but let it slide. Take a deep breath, you're past your prime, Osamu. It's his story, not yours. Don't make it about you. The kid needs this. He needs you right now.

The teacher pointed to his pitch-black hands, his injuries, his bandages, his current state of being. There was even a constant, soft whirring of a fan as his student recovered in bed. "You're going to get yourself killed before you can get where you need to, Taishiro. I can't let you do this."

His hands twitched. There was an attempt to ball his fists, but the pain didn't do any favours.. If he kept this up then he'd lose the functions in his hands entirely, if not the hands themselves.

"W-" An attempt to sit up. Very short lived though. "Y-you're not kicking me out of the tournament are you?!" Owie his throat. "You can't do that!"

"Stay still, Watanabe-kun!" Recovery Girl raised her voice from her seat, upset. "You shouldn't move around so much in your condition. You're going to stay here until you've stabilized." She crossed her arms. "Anything happens to you, and it's going to be on me!"

"You heard the boss," Sato turned back to his student, putting a sympathetic hand on Tai's blanketed knee. "Please, you need all the rest you can get. You need this more than anything else right now."

B- but that's not fair!!!" He shook a little. Pain? Anger? Who knows. "I was so close-- You can't do this to me, Sensei!!!" Oop tears ahoy

"Close to dying, if that was your goal." The teacher's expression was solemn, serious. This conversation was getting nowhere, and his student continued to be stubborn and in denial. He wished he could stay here for him, but he's got his job as a homeroom teacher cut out for him. He has other students to tend to, but this one...he might not be enough for Tai.

"I don't want you risking your life out there, against your own classmates. It's. A sports festival. You're supposed to be having fun out there." Sato pointed to the window, where the stadium could be seen from the clinic, "You enrolled here to become a hero, didn't you? What's the point if you don't make it to fighting villains? You won't be anywhere close if everything ends here."

"If I can't handle a sports festival how am i going to handle villains?!??" Angy.. "I-its not my fault I was matched with someone powerful!!"

"No hero gets to choose who they'll fight on the battle field. That's exactly what you're here in UA, Watanabe." Sato raked his fingers through his own locks, giving his student a meaningful glance. "To learn."

The usually tired teacher's eyes began to blaze with passion. "You're going to exactly learn how to, without endangering yourself. I've been teaching you how to, haven't I?" He didn't enroll into education for nothing, after all. "Or perhaps my classes really are that boring, hm?" Sato passed a joking glare towards Taishiro, recalling his grades and current standing.

".. I was winning" Huff "You should be happy about that... One of your students was doing good.. And now you're blocking him from winning"

He's not listening. Teenagers really are a different breed, huh?

The bed shifted from Sato's weight as he slowly moved towards the other student before gently, softly, enveloping Taishiro in the warmest hug he could give without adding pain to his injuries.

"You've done amazingly, well beyond my expectations...and now you need to rest. I'm so sorry I have to stop you here, when you're so close. I really am." Sato brings a hand behind Taishiro's head, carefully caressing his brightly coloured hair. He strokes the back of his head gently, speaking in a voice just as tender.

"I'm more than happy, Watanabe. Thank you for being a proud, strong student of Class 1-X."

He flinches a little from the pressure. Ow- Injury--

Whens the last time someone pet his hair like this? Not since he was tiny, probably. It was nice. Reminded him of snoozing on his dads lap on the way home from the park.

...

Sniff.

Sniff sniff-

The tears were already there, of course, but this just made it worse, thick black tears pouring from his eyes(?) Mann.. Even after all of that. After almost melting himself alive. After being so stubborn..

He was still just a teenager.

Hic-

He trembled, hiccuping as his lip trembled... And finally fully giving into his tears. Wailing onto his teacher. Sorry Sato your shirt is gonna get stained

It's not the first time Sato's shirt got stained with black tears. If anything, he's just happy to be there for his students in their time of need. He continues speaking what's on his mind, all the while hugging and comforting him via headpats.

"You kids are going to be the future. You guys are going to protect us when the time is right," voice low and soothing, he kept going. "So as your teacher, I can't have you risking your life as early as now. It would be my fault if something bad happened to you, it meant I didn't teach right."

He leaned back, breaking the hug. Even with the mask, Sato's smile was evident as his eyes crinkled with encouragement and pride towards Taishiro. "So with that, please continue being a good student, 'kay? Study well and become a great hero."

Hic hic hic--

Oh he's a mess. Aw man the bandages are gonna get stained too. :C

He kept shaking. Pained. Both emotionally and physically. God he was so tired-- "I-i'm trying!!"

"Trying a bit too hard, I'd say." Sato laughed softly, if not a bit cocky.

"You'll need some extra remedial classes if you want to be a good hero. And maybe some extra focus." Before he could say anything else, there was a knock at the door. Ah, right on time. Recovery Girl glanced as Sato put away his phone into his pocket, did he contact someone?

"Come right in, sir. The door's open."

Sniff...

He lifted his head. Another doctor maybe? Who would- ...

"Taishiro-!"

Oh lord-

Yoshie wastes no time. He's still in his pizza place uniform. Pizza smell. Pizza man.. He dashes over to grab and hold his son, of course causing the kid a little more pain but- Hey he could deal. Proabbly-

"D- Dad?!"

"Tai- Taishiro i saw everything--" He grabbed his son by the shoulders, face full of concern.

"How could you do that to yourself?! Do you know how dangerous that was?!?!"

"Dad...-"

"No! You can't-- Son. You can't keep doing this!!"

"I was winni-" "YOU WERE KILLING YOURSELF, TAI."

...

Oh

Tai is pulled in for a tight hug again, his father tearing up as he holds his son protectively, tai looking stunned for a moment.

"You can't do that-- Why would--" A sniff. From Yoshie this time. "..You're my only son, Tai! You can't do that to yourself!"

The father turned his head a little, looking at the teacher. ".. I-is it possible for me to take him home? Watch over his recovery?"

Sato hummed, crossing his arms over his chest. "Well...it's a miracle the match ended before things for irreversible. It's another miracle that we've got such an amazing nurse on our side, too." He glances over to Recovery Girl for an opinion. "What do you say, Ma'am?"

"He's still a bit unstable, so we need to watch over him a bit more. He did too much work this festival, so..." The school nurse herself huffs, always with the tendency to scold those she heals up. "Learn to control yourself, young man! You're still a teenager, don't risk yourself at this age!" She raises her cane, gesturing to all the other students in the ward. "And that goes for all of you, too! Got that?!" A collective groan from the injured students follows, sounding like a "yes, ma'am."

The teacher decided to continue for her, "He should be okay to bring home by tomorrow." He placed a hand on Yoshie's shoulder, kind but firm. "Don't worry Watanabe-san, your son is in good hands."

"...."

A small nod, before he turns back to his son, cupping the students face.

"Tai.. I know it's not been easy. I know-.. I know i've not been the best father to you-" Two idiots be crying "... But this-..You can't do this. Not for my sake.." Looks like he saw the rin match. oop. "You have to do things for yourself. Make friends! ignore your work-- Hell, get another piercing- Just.. Don't give up your youth for me, Tai."

"D..."

All of this was for him.. All of this was.. All... "

... D-daaad-!!"And back to wailing he goes, his father chuckling a little through his own tears, holding him close. and letting his son cry it out. There was a lot of healing to be done, but at least this time he'd fight like hell to be around to help with it.

Sato watched as the two cried in each others arms, relieved that things turned out pretty well in the end. He excused himself from the clinic, waved goodbye to the nurse, father, and patient.

Now, then...

As soon as he closed the infirmary door behind him, Hikari, the redheaded girl from the other class was clutching her cellphone anxiously as she stuttered to find her voice. He wasn't well acquainted with her, but knew she did rather well in his class knowing that she received some sort of prior training from her pro hero relatives with that unfortunate quirk of hers. And she's the last of Class 1-Y standing...if anything, he's a bit worried considering Lucca's most anxious student is going to fight his scariest, angriest student.

"It's okay. He's doing well." He craned his neck as he looked up at the towering high schooler, "It's not your fault."

Taishiro didn't know Hikari's immunity to heat and fire. Trying to pull off a stunt like burning himself up in the inside to try and fry her only backfired completely. She couldn't do anything either, doing her damnedest to keep herself in the stage even if he kept rewounding time. Lucca must have noticed her student's distress in trying to get close to Taishiro to stop him. I really have to treat her to drinks sometime, it's tough being a teacher.

"S.....S-Sensei...."

A broken whimper stopped his trail of thought.

"Ah, sorry. You want me to escort you back to the stadium? Don't worry, I know Fuwa is scary and all, but--"

"........it's not th-that...."

Sato raised a brow and observed her movements. She's always trembling, but...she's shaking pretty badly. The student looks like she just finished crying, puffy eyes, nose and all. She clutched her phone close to her body before opening her mouth again. Hikari recalled the conversation she had on the phone and mustered up all the courage she had.

"I...I need to go home."

[angstyaches]

Ooooh you have a delicious writing style- it's so descriptive! I'm afraid I'm quite new so don't know your characters much yet, but if this scenario could fit I bet you'd write it amazingly! Perhaps Character A is down on their luck, longterm or short-term wise, and is walking through town, having not eaten since the morning prior. Suddenly a store window catches their eye, displaying all sorts of amazing baked goods or meat cuts, and they can't help but stare while their hunger pains have them wincing openly. Character B notices them staring before Character A even realises what they're doing.

Agh, what a beautiful prompt. I think this is actually the first hunger fic I've written on request, so thank you, anon! I hope it’s okay that I used fancy pizza; I really wanted to use Payton for this and pizza is one of the few foods they would genuinely go weak over.

Pre-Payton and Autumn Getting Together

CW: hunger, hunger pangs, stomach noises, mentions of character unable to afford (decent) food, stress, overwork (it's Payton, what did we expect?), food mention

___

Payton sighed as they felt the drizzle start to fall around them. They stepped under a deserted bus shelter and stared out, wondering if the rain was going to get worse before it cleared up.

It was a fitting end to the day – or rather, the week – they’d been having. They couldn’t wait to get home and take off the stifling shirt they’d worn to a job interview that morning and then worn all the way through their shift at the café. They just wanted soft clothes and their bed and maybe a podcast to fall asleep to.

It all seemed so far away still, their energy sapping by the second and leaving them stranded five minutes away from the tram stop. Their feet stopped moving, rooting them to the pale grey concrete.

A gorgeous smell turned their head. Frantic interview prep, snooty employers, and stuffy clothes all faded from Payton’s mind. They were stopped across the street from the city’s most expensive food store. Built into a complex from the late 1800s, it was the kind of place where a sandwich cost €12. The kind of place that sold imported goods and “foodstuffs”.

An elaborate window was positioned behind the delicatessen section of the shop, where a chef was artfully piecing together a pizza on top of a copper paddle while another sat in a brick oven. The smell of the crisping dough must have been piped out deliberately onto the street, to entice those with money to burn, and to tease those without.

Payton fell into the latter category lately. With all the time they’d been spending on interview prep and assignments, they’d been taking shorter shifts at the café. Rent was going to clean them out this month. Today’s shift hadn’t even been long enough to warrant a full lunch break; they’d only taken fifteen minutes, and had spent thirteen of them taking a nap at the break room table.

Only now did they feel the twists of hunger in their stomach, the shakiness in their legs. Payton didn’t even realise that they had edged closer to the bus stop so they could sit down on the bench, one hand resting on their belly. Their stomach hurt, and it really was no wonder when they thought about it.

The last thing they’d eaten had been a bowl of cereal at seven a.m., the same cereal they were planning to have for dinner when they got home.

Payton’s stomach groaned unhappily at the prospect, and Payton groaned too; I’m right there with you, they thought miserably, rubbing at their stomach and continuing to watch the pizza chef through the window.

They didn’t know how long they grimaced and gazed across the street before they were interrupted.

“Payton? Hi!”

Payton jumped, head snapping up to see who’d said their name, and their heart skipped a beat.

A navy polka-dot umbrella sat over her shoulder. She was wearing tight leggings and an oversized sweater, her shoulder-length hair thrown into a lazy side-bun. She was wearing no makeup and looked a little sweaty, like she was heading home from the gym or dance practice.

She was a sight to behold, as always, even as she fumbled with her umbrella.

“H-hey,” Payton stammered, stumbling to their feet and trying to appear as though they weren’t so light-headed they were seeing stars.

Autumn glanced across the street, her eyes lingering there for a moment. “Uh, you don’t take this bus, do you?”

“I – no,” Payton admitted, glancing at the timetable and list of stops. “I was just sitting. Long day. Spaced out a bit.”

“Yeah, I could see that,” Autumn said, glancing across the street again. She let out a little laugh, though she seemed to consider holding it in for a moment. “I thought you were going to start drooling.”

“What?”

“The fancy pizzas.”

Payton’s heart dropped. Their face was feeling hot under their bangs. “Oh, I, uh, I didn’t even realise I was… staring.”

“Don’t be embarrassed! I watch them all the time when I’m waiting for the bus,” Autumn laughed.

Payton still blushed deeply, since they’d had no reason to sit down at the bus stop except to stare through the shop window. They were suddenly hyper-aware of their hand resting on their belly. They felt their stomach quiver under their palm, a low growl working its way through.

“You doing okay?” Autumn sat down on the bench, nodding for Payton to join her. She didn’t seem to hear the complaint from Payton’s belly. “Feels like forever since we last talked.”

“Y-yeah, sure does,” Payton half-laughed. Their shaky legs and dizzy head were thankful for the relief as they sank back down, leaving what they hoped was a healthy number of inches between the two of them. “I’ve been, um… I’m okay? I think. And – and you?”

“I’m actually… I’m great,” Autumn grinned, tucking some hair behind her ear. “I, um, I just found out today that I’m going to be Audrey in Little Shop of Horrors.”

“Are you serious?” Payton smiled, their mood genuinely lifting a bit at the sight of Autumn’s proud, shy little smile.

They often envied her for her absolute passion for musicals and acting, since they were failing so spectacularly at finding their place in the film world, but right then Payton was happy just knowing she was happy.

“Yeah! I still can’t really believe it.”

“I can.” Payton extended a long arm to pull Autumn towards them. “You’re brilliant.”

“Agh – ew, P, you don’t want to hug me!” she laughed, pulling her shoulders up tightly. “I’m all sweaty and damp!”

“I don’t care!” Payton wrapped their arms around her and pulled her close, so that their cheeks were just inches apart. “Your news deserves a hug.”

Autumn gave a deep, happy sigh as she leaned into the hug, probably unaware of the fact that the contact was setting Payton’s heart racing. It almost felt selfish, holding her like this when they were clearly getting more out of it than she was. They went to remove their arms from her, their chest fluttering as she buried her face deeper in their shoulder and kept her arms firmly around their waist.

It was lovely.

And yet, for the first time in a while, Payton felt a pang of loneliness, their core aching with the knowledge that they couldn’t hold her like this all the time. Deep in their bones, Payton wanted to kiss her hair, tickle her sides, and whisper happy little declarations of affection in her ear.

They didn’t whisper anything to her, though. They didn’t say anything as they held her. But their empty stomach was still twisting itself into shapes, and it clearly didn’t get the memo on holding Autumn quietly. A sharp growl had Payton wincing and trying to clear their throat (to cover up the noise) all in the same breath.

“Whoa, is that your stomach?” Autumn asked, lifting her head from Payton’s shoulder.

Payton’s body stiffened. “It… might be.”

“Are you okay? You must be starving.”

“I’m… Yeah.” Payton swallowed hard, letting a hand rest on their belly again.

Autumn moved back to give them some space. She was staring like she expected an explanation, eyes wide and eyebrows furrowed. Payton’s stomach rumbled under their hand again, bringing a twist of pain, and they didn’t know if they wanted to laugh or to cry.

“I guess I haven’t been taking care of myself too well.” They flinched again at the crack in their own voice.

Lifting her umbrella from where it had been resting against her leg, Autumn got to her feet. “Come on.”

Payton looked up at her, blinking behind their bangs. Exhaustion weighted them to the bench. “Come on where?”

A little hum escaped Autumn’s throat as she jerked her head. Her umbrella popped open and she stepped out of the bus shelter. The rain pattered against the fabric, a little heavier than it had been before.

“We’re gonna go eat pizza. Not – not there,” she clarified, gesturing towards the expensive deli. “I was thinking top floor of the Greene Centre. They sell by the slice and it’s super cheap.”

Payton swallowed again, guilt piling itself on top of the embarrassment. They felt as though they’d somehow coerced Autumn into offering to buy dinner, and the thought made them physically shudder. They got to their feet and moved a little closer to Autumn so she could hear them.

“I probably still can’t afford it,” they mumbled, staring at the ground.

“It’ll be my treat today, okay? You can pay me back by letting me ramble about my show.”

Payton gave her a shaky smile. “Are you sure?”

“Hundred percent.” That shy smile crossed Autumn’s face again. “It’s gonna sound weird, but when I found out I got the part… You were the first person I wanted to tell, Payton.”

“I... Really?” As they chewed their lip, a deep rumble came from Payton’s tummy. They frowned and folded their arms around it, noticing how Autumn's gaze drifted towards it too.

"Come on, I can't listen to your poor belly complain anymore." She lifted her umbrella a little higher with one hand – Payton was a few inches taller than her – and stuck out her elbow for Payton to link their arm through hers. “Shall we go?”

[ordinaryschmuck]

What I Thought About "Keeping Up A-Fear-Ances" from The Owl House

Salutations, random people on the internet who most likely won’t read this! I am an Ordinary Schmuck. I write stories and reviews and draw comics and cartoons!

When Dana Terrace did her AMA on Reddit, a fan asked what we could expect for the new season. To which she replied by listing five things:

Parental conflict

A lot of emotions

Island exploration

New characters

...There's a fifth thing in there. You just got to look closely.

Now, when Dana mentioned parental conflict, dozens of fans assumed she was talking about Alador and Odalia, which, I mean...valid. They were the only two parental figures who presented any real conflict, and the idea of Camila being involved seemed implausible due to Luz being cut off from the human world. But no matter how you perceived that line, one thing’s for sure: No one expected Eda and Lilith's mother to be a source of conflict!

Yup. Today we met the woman who created two of the (former) greatest witches in all of the Isles. Was her introduction welcomed? Or did she give the Blights a run for their money for the "Worst Parent(s) of the Year" award? Only spoilers can answer those questions, so keep that in mind as we go in-depth with "Keeping Up A-Fear-Ances."

Let's review, shall we!

WHAT I LIKED

The Flashback: Already, this episode comes out swinging by giving us so much information! We get an explanation of what Eda goes through when cursed (which is horrifying), the reasoning behind her gem, the revelation that Eda ran away from home, and the reveal of how she got the portal door. The best part is, none of it feels rushed or forced. Eda's curse and the portal are integral threads to this story, both in this episode and in future ones. Tying them together sets up Gwendolyn's determination to cure her daughter while showing Eda's determination to escape her mother by skipping town into another dimension. There's also a sense of mystery in how and why the portal was in their backyard. And judging by how we got all of this incredible information in episode FOUR of the new season, something tells me we'll get answers to those questions sooner than we might think. This was such a strong opening to the episode. Despite giving so much information, it makes fans like me want even more. Which is an A+ in my book.

Gwendolyn: Yeah, might as well step out the gate in saying that I like Gwen...but I can already see how others won't. Immediately, she sets herself up as a mother who would do anything and everything to cure her daughter. That aspect of her character is perfect, and it quickly won points from me in terms of liking her. It's just that Gwendolyn's disregard of what Eda wants and the complete dismissal of Lilith are aspects of Gwen that are certainly going to rub some people the wrong way. Especially if those kids come from households where their parents are a lot like Gwendolyn. I was in the same boat of hating her too for a while, but thankfully, the last act saved her.

First, there's that scene where Gwendolyn threatened the lives of the demons for not only screwing her over but making things worse for Eda. It's one of those "Hell hath no fury like a mother scorned" moments that I always love to see.

Then there's the fact that Gwendolyn learns her lesson and, more importantly, apologizes. Not many actual abusive mothers would do that (Looking at you, Odalia), so it's nice to see that she makes an effort to make amends. Oh, and by the way, since I mentioned it, don't go around calling Gwendolyn abusive. She isn't. Or, at least, not to my eyes. If anything, she's a lot like Sara Fitzgerald from My Sister's Keeper (The book. Not the movie. The movie sucked).

In that story, Sara makes controversial choices that result in her youngest daughter Anna getting the short end of the stick due to putting all attention towards her eldest Kate. But here's the thing: KATE HAS CANCER! So while Sara's choices are beyond questionable, you can understand her point. And if you don't, well, I'd see how you would react when in her shoes. Trust me when I say that situations like this aren't always cut and dry. It's the same with Gwendolyn. She's far from "Mom of the year," but you understand where she's coming from. She wants to do what she can to help Eda, even if her methods could have been better. But that's just how I feel, and I can't speak for everyone who dealt with mothers far worse than her. If you refuse to forgive her, I'll understand. But to me, I consider Gwendolyn a worthy addition to the series.

(Plus, she just radiates Grandma energy when interacting with Luz. It's cute, and therefore I must love it!)

Luz: This season is on FIRE when presenting Luz!

I adore that the first thing we see her doing in this episode is sleeping after, most likely, another all-nighter to find a new portal. It proves that she has a determination made of iron and an intense dedication to getting back to Camila. In fact, it's that dedication that works as a perfect way to build a connection between Luz and Gwendolyn. They both want to reconnect with their families and are willing to do whatever it takes to do so.

Regardless, despite so desperately wanting to see Camila again, I'm glad that Luz still has common sense when it comes to helping Eda. She quickly sees that Gwen's cures are doing more harm than good, and it's great that Luz is the one to call malarky on the whole thing. No one had to spell things out for her because she's smart enough to notice that everything Professor Warlop is marketing feels a lot more like the fake medicine real people sell in the human world. It's a testament that despite having a big heart and the best intentions, Luz still has the intelligence to know when something is up and put a stop to it. And, again, let's hope that more people pick up on that.

Lilith: ...who would have expected Lilith of all characters to have most of the emotional moments in this episode?! I sure didn't!

But...Yeah. Lilith is the best thing in "Keeping Up A-Fear-Ances." On top of her seeking Gwendolyn's approval being relatable for some viewers, it's also really heartbreaking. I mean, listen to the shocked and hurt tone in her voice after finding out Gwen visited Eda regularly. That alone should give away how much Gwendolyn is important to Lilith and says so much about how strained their relationship became after the curse. Then there's that scene where she just breaks down, feeling both scared and torn apart by the fact that she experienced the curse in its full form and could do nothing to stop herself. It...stung. That's the best way to describe it. It stung seeing a character who is (mostly) cool and collective to become so vulnerable and broken. And, you know what? It's because of this that Lilith has won me over. I still don't think she should have been as forgiven as quickly as she was, but after learning what Lilith went through and what she's currently going through, I'm more than willing to be ok with her. And--I can't believe I'm saying this--I'm going to miss her being a part of the Owl House. She earned her place, in my opinion, creating entertaining dynamics with everyone. Sure, she'll make appearances every now and again, but I wouldn't mind a few more episodes with her being with the main group. But I'm positive the writers will have plans for her in the future and seeing how well she was written in this, I can't wait to see what they do next.

King Hoping to see his Dad Again: This was just a cute tidbit that ties nicely into last week's episode. Bonus points for that scene where King and Lilith get drunk off of Night Market ice cream. It got a good chuckle out of me, especially when Hooty was the one who ended up being the voice of reason.

Cursed Lilith: ...How does she look worse and more terrifying than Eda?

How Beast Keeping Magic Works: Not much I can say about this. It's neat to be given a visual explanation of how Beast Keeping magic works and how it's more than just controlling animals. Judging by the roof shingles, it can also be making objects more animal-like. It's pretty cool, and I hope to see more of how the rest of the magic from the prominent covens work.

Luz wasn’t the only human: To tell you the truth, this doesn't surprise me. Eda did say that every myth humans have is a bit of the Boiling Isles leaking into the human world, so why can't the opposite be true? However, the reveal of there being a famous human around many years ago presents many more questions, and possible theories, that deserve to be discussed in a future post. For now, I'll just say that it's awesome how this reveal perfectly transitions us to next week's episode, "Through the Looking Glass Ruins." We already know Luz is going to the library. But, seeing how Gus is going to be a prominent character in that episode as well, he probably wanted to tag along with Luz to study about the first human in the Boiling Isles. Only to then get sidetracked by some cool kids from Glandis. It's in the realm of possibility, thus proving how more serialized this season compared to Season One while still being somewhat episodic. Because even if "Keeping Up A-Fear-Ances" presents a lot for the overall story, it's still its own tale about family relationships and knowing how to truly be there for the people you love. Resulting in a necessary and cute episode that ends on a wholesome note without any major surprises like--

Creepy Clone Luz: ...

...Dana Terrace, you lying--YOU SAID CREEPY LUZ WAS A FARCE! IN THE SAME AMA, TOO! CURSE YOU! CURSE YOU AND YOUR SNAKE TONGUE, GOSH DANGIT!

...Alright, now that I got my overreaction out of the way, this was an amazingly well-written surprise!

Tricking fans into thinking that Camila is crying over the realization that Luz is gone, only to then reveal this...thing, is the best shock to the system that this series has done so far. Even better, it results in all the right questions:

Who is it?

What is it?

Where did it come from?

When did it get there?

How did it get there?

How does it know about Camila?

And why? Just, why?

To me, a series that presents all of these questions, and makes me excited for whatever answers are given, is a series that's doing something right. Because if I'm still reeling over something that lasts for a second, despite seeing the episode hours ago, that is a testament to how good a surprise really is.

WHAT I DISLIKED

Trust me, I want to give this episode the A+ just for that ending alone. But, there are some issues I have that are worth discussing.

Eda’s Outfit Change: I know. It's the nitpickiest of all nitpicks I could present. Particularly because Eda doesn't even look bad (although that's no surprise). The issue is that it feels weird that Eda's having this permanent outfit change in the fourth episode of Season Two. Or, to me it is, at least. Because I think that if you're going to give a small yet constant change to the look of a character, it should be done right away. Like, in the first episode of a new season. I highly doubt fans would question why Eda is wearing different clothes by then, so it wouldn't be too bad if the first time we see her, she’s sporting a new outfit. Again, this is just me, and I have no problems with the outfit itself. It just seems odd they would do this later rather than sooner.

Screwing with Eda: I...did not like this. At all. It was funny at first to see Luz and Gwendolyn lure Eda with Apple Blood like how Wile E. Coyote would bait the Road Runner with birdseed, but it quickly took a turn. Because I don't want to see Eda meet inconvenience after inconvenience from her mother and surrogate daughter. I like Eda, and seeing her happy makes me happy. If I wanted to laugh at a character's suffering, I would have picked Boscha, Mattholomule, Alador, and/or Odalia. This? This was just unnecessary cruelness to a character who doesn't deserve it. And it takes up a good chunk of this episode, making me question whether or not this would be the stinker I was fearing. Fortunately, the ending increased my enjoyment by several notches, but that doesn't change how this was the low point of "Keeping Up A-Fear-Ances."

IN CONCLUSION

Despite the road being rocky in the middle, I still consider "Keeping Up A-Fear-Ances" to be another solid A episode. The first and last few minutes have some quality writing that adds more to the characters, ongoing plot, and mystery that the series is building up. It's one of those important episodes you can't skip when watching a series, but given how it's keeping the new season's impeccable track record, I fail to see how that's a problem.

(Although, I am scared. We haven't gotten a stinker yet, and I really don't want it to be next week's episode. It's a Gus episode with sweet Lumity content on the side! That cannot fail!)

[sparklingchan]

Dancing with a Stranger || Lee Minho (Stray Kids)

Pairing :  Reader (fem.) x Lee Know

Word count: 6k+

Warnings: Cuss words, mentions of alcohol, mentions of a break up, slight violence and blood (its nothing intense, I swear) ,suggestive towards the end, not proof read.

Genre: Angst , fluff, boyfriend AU , break up - make up AU.

Description : Lee Minho is the best boyfriend you could have ever asked for but when you end up doing the only thing he had begged you not to do, things start going downhill.

Author’s Note: I KNOW I SAID I’LL POST THIS ON MY BIRTHDAY but I am an impatient person and I really wanted everyone to read this asap :( This imagine is one of my personal favorites and like Boyfriend!Minho really hits different, won’t you agree? (Reposting because tumblr decided to be a bitch and not show up my fic in the tags? It’s 2 AM and I’m legit crying?? I was so excited about this) Yeh le @chogiwow​ !

Please do reblog, like and send in your views about this fic. I’m always happy to receive DMs and asks!

Enjoy!

It is really funny how a crowded, happening place like your college corridor turns into a cold ,eerie location of some prospective gruesome crimes by sun down. But then again , if you really think about it , maybe it’s not much of a ‘prospect’ at all.

Your knuckles start stinging first ,spreading then to your palm and the rest of your arm.

And the horrifying yet unavoidable realization finally dawns on you - you shouldn’t have punched your professor’s daughter.

“Y-you! You bitch! How dare you touch me?” She has this annoyingly loud voice that pierces through the tense air like a bullet. The prettiest girl on campus , the nicest of them all, the most desirable , but anyone who sees her right now, would be convinced she is neither of those things. Excluding you , of course , because you always knew how double faced and rude she was behind the mask of a pure princess.

“You should have kept your mouth shut then, Anya.” You say , hoping that the girl in front of you doesn’t notice the sudden fear in your voice that has replaced your authoritative tone from before.

But you can’t back off now.

Anya stumbles back with her mouth wide open , clutching her jaw as she curses under her breath , “My mother will hear about this ! I will get you expelled !”

“Oh yeah? Try me and the only thing your mother will hear about is what you and our lovely class president John do in the basement when she isn’t home.” You shoot back. You mentally want to slap yourself for that sharp tongue of yours that refuses to stop any time sooner. You had always wished that you’d gotten your father’s gentleness but sadly , you were the fateful heir of your mother’s roughness.

Anya doesn’t reply , instead , she throws herself at you , pushing you harshly against the lockers .And it is not long before her balled fists find a way to your nose , punching so hard that you literally feel the blood dripping down your face. You are so glad that all the students and staff have already gone home , you’d have hated for anyone to witness this.

“You will never lay your filthy hands on me again, y/l/n. ” she wraps her left hand around your throat while the other one pulls your hair with the strength of a bull. You scream in pain. Your body goes limp for a second - not from pain but from fear , but you realise it’s too late now. You should have thought about your fears before punching Anya.

Now all you can do is save yourself and escape.

The numbing pain from your scalp spreads through your head , going down your face and then attacking your throat. It gets harder to breathe.

“I’ll tell you what , Anya , you deserved it. You deserved all of it. ” you croak , “I told you to stop spreading filthy rumours about my cousin but you didn’t stop , I told you to stop bothering me but you didn’t listen. And now you’ve gone as far as spreading bullshit about my boyfriend who you’ve never even met ! I hate to break this to you but all of this is not going to make your trash personality any cooler. ”

Anya yelps with anger , increasing the grip on your throat and hair as you kick your legs helplessly, coughing .

“Shut up, y/l/n .” She growls , “ and as a matter of fact, Your boyfriend is just a mere dancer , how funny. An A-grade college student dating a poor street dancer. What happened , y/n, ran out of good guys for yourself?”

You want to yell at her and tell her that Minho is anything but a mere street dancer . He’s an amazingly talented artist who loves expressing himself through dancing , he’s a hardworking and honest person who is part of the country’s biggest dancing crew , and he’s your safe place , your home , your everything and god save anyone who dare hurt him.

But you bite your tongue this time.

“What now? Afraid ?” Anya raises her eyebrow, her lips curving into an ugly, sadistic smile.

You hate that smile.

You use one of your free hands to grab her hair while the other one slams hard against her jaw.

“Shit.” She mutters , falling back into the hallway.

But you’re not done yet.

You walk toward her with furious eyes and balled fists , and it isn’t long before she lands on the floor on her butt with a bloody nose and a black eye.

“Keep your mouth shut or you’ll end up on a hospital bed next time. In a coma. ” you spit out those words while she holds her tears back, face caked with humiliation.

Then you turn on your heels and walk out of the stupid college campus which would yet again be filled with more bullies by tomorrow morning, just like it has for centuries.

The dorm in which Minho lives almost always smells like freshly baked cookies ( courtesy: Lee Felix) and on rare occasions, it smells like burnt pancakes ( also courtesy: Lee Felix). Today , it smells like the former and you sigh in relief.

“Oh , my god ,y/n. What happened?” Changbin opens the door after you knock thrice , “Minho, dude, Come out , y/n is here!”

You shuffle into their big living room , head hanging low and eyes avoiding all sorts of confrontation , afraid of having to explain your stupid behavior.

“Y/n?” Minho sucks in a deep breath at your sorry sight , his eyes glazed with dread and fear as he walks toward you, ”Oh god, what happened?”

He swiftly takes out a handkerchief from his pockets , pressing it against your bleeding nose. His eyes are glossy with fear.

“I-it’s nothing. I fell down the stairs.” You lie. Can he please shut up and hug you already? You hate his questions so much , especially when you just can’t answer him.

“Y/n , that is not what a fall looks like. I’m not stupid. Whom did you beat up this time?” He asks , crossing his arms across his chest. And you really do almost blurt out the truth because it’s that easy for you to open up to him and because he knows you like no one else does. You’ve dated him long enough for him to know you like the back of his own hand. And that sometimes gets you in so much trouble. Lying to him is a near impossible task.

“Y/n, look at me!” He says , slightly annoyed now. He touches your chin gently, coaxing you to look at him but you’re too afraid to face him right now. Too guilty. So you shrug him off and walk into his shared room with Hyunjin, a homely feeling enveloping you almost instantly.

“Y/n, don’t you dare ignore me.”

Ugh. He can be so nosy at times.

“I came here for comfort , not for an interrogation. ” you pout , plopping down on the bed.

Minho scoffs , closing the door behind him. He wears a loose black t-shirt with a pair of shorts , and he smells like the expensive shampoo you had bought for him a few months ago ,which he initially refused to take but now loves it. He looks so good and smells so good and suddenly all you want to do is cuddle him and talk about his day, with his Winnie The Pooh blanket draped around your bodies.

“You aren’t getting any comfort till you tell me what happened.” He says . He stands with his back against the door , and stares at you as if you were a criminal. Maybe you were one ,but that doesn’t mean he’ll hate you or something ,right?

“Did you hit the professor’s daughter?” He asks when you don’t answer even after two whole minutes. Your stomach does a somersault, adrenaline coursing through your veins. You regret telling him about Anya a few weeks ago and you specifically saying that you’d one day ’ punch her brains out ’. You wish you’d shut up sometimes.

You play with your fingers, staring at your feet. You can’t look him in the eye anymore , not when you did the exact (and only) thing he had asked you not to do. You feel horribly guilty.

“Well in my defense, she was being a bitch ,okay? She was calling you a good for nothing dancer and ugly and underqualified and - ” you sigh , “ My point is, I couldn’t bear listening to all that, okay?” You admit , cheeks burning with embarrassment.

Minho doesn’t answer, very unusual of him by the way, and you snap your head to look at him.

The eyes that had once held concern and fear for your well being now are clouded with disappointment . He’s mad at you.

“She’s not wrong though. I am a good for nothing dancer, I go to a stupid cyber college. Nothing worth fighting over. Why the fuck did you put yourself in danger like that!” And he’s yelling now , his relaxed posture from before now replaced with a tensed one. You notice his clenched fists and teeth ,and you shudder with fear. He is furious. But at what? You don’t really know.

“Are you seriously justifying her actions? Minho, she can’t talk shit about you. I will not let her do that! ” You yell back ,getting up from the bed , “She doesn’t even know you!”

“Which is exactly why her opinions on my lifestyle do not matter ! And you don’t have to just go around acting like my bodyguard all the time!” He says.

Your heart drops, brows furrowed in confusion at his words that feel like a dagger is plunged into your heart.

You walk up to him, trying to take his hand in yours but he extracts it right back. “I’m sorry, okay? I wasn’t thinking. You know how crazy I get when I’m angry.”

“A ’ sorry ’ doesn’t suffice it. The damage is already done. And if tomorrow, you are thrown out of the university, who’s fault would it be? ” he presses his hand to his face, trying to calm himself down , “I can’t believe I am dating such an immature woman ,y /n. Grow the fuck up, will you?” He says , his anger filled eyes staring right into your soul . Your heart breaks into millions of small pieces , as your breath hitches in your throat. He had never said something so harsh to you in the many years that you’ve dated him and you really wish he hadn’t done it today either because you realise you’re not very good at handling hurtful words, especially from Minho. At all.

“Minho , I know you’re angry - ”

“Leave.” The world stops spinning for a second , your eyes widening with shock, “Go home. Don’t come back again.”

You want to cry but tears seemed to have given up on you too , his words striking you harder than any of Anya’s punches ever did. All your feelings seem to have converted into a much worse state of numbness when those words leave his mouth.

“Y-you are not breaking up with me, right?” Your usually loud voice comes out as a whisper.

“I am. Go, please. I don’t want to see you right now.” He opens the room door for you to exit, his eyes never meeting yours. His lower lip is caught between his teeth, a sign that he’s about to tear up yet you don’t know if he wants too be comforted by you right now, or ever. So picking up the remaining pieces of your damaged heart , you walk out of the room , stopping only to glance over at him one last time , in hopes that he’d change his mind. But no, his angry demeanor is still there , strong and tough and unbreakable.

And when you finally leave , Minho is grateful that Hyunjin wasn’t home - for he would have hated to cry in front of his roommate.

The bright neon sign with ’ Kim’s Restaurant ’ written on it shines in the distance , blurred only by the tears in your eyes and not by the tiny droplets of water slowly falling from the sky.

You feel a soft blanket of comfort draping over you when you walk toward the familiar building.

Your aunt and uncle have worked hard to build a proper business from a small shop that had once just sold fried chicken and cold drinks ; and it makes you so happy to see their new restaurant still packed with people this late in the evening.

“Oh , y/n. I was just about to call you. Did you not go to your dorm yet? ” your aunt asks from the reception desk , chewing her favorite gum and typing aggressively into the computer.

“I stayed back today. Project work.” You lie. Your aunt lifts up her head , her eyebrows knitted together and a suspicious scowl gracing her face , almost mimicking your mother. Your mom and your aunt are twin sisters , born just three minutes apart , and since then it has become your mom’s life mission to remind your aunt of the whooping three minute gap every chance she gets. It’s hilarious, really.

“Don’t make that face at me. You look exactly like mom.” You mutter , leaning against the wooden desk.

“I do look exactly like your mom , y/n. ” she replies with a chuckle, “Anyway, what’s going on? You look tired.”

Honestly, you’d love to talk about Minho and the impulsive breakup and the aching in your heart with your aunt because there’s no better person to seek advice from, but you don’t feel it right to burden her when she’s working plus a part of you doesn’t really trust your aunt to keep all the secrets to herself.

“No, I’m okay. Just mid college crisis.” you say.

Your aunt hums in response, probably not buying it but you’re happy she doesn’t push it anymore, “ Are you hungry? Want something to eat?”

A bag of fries with a bucket full of chicken wings sounds terribly tempting right now but you’ve lost all your appetite for the day the moment Minho closed the door behind you. Now all you feel is drained, tired, sad. Moreover, that is not what you were here for, “Nah, I’m good. Is Yugyeom home though?”

The door to your aunt’s house opens only after you ring the stupid bell at least three times , as you stand on the porch, judging the loud music that blasts from within the walls. “Wow , you look like shit.” Yugyeom always has some snarky comments up his sleeve but you are in no mood to be playing word games with him right now. You barge into the house , pushing past your cousin who you smells like donuts and Axe.

“Shut up.” You say, plopping down on his bed . You really want to cry right now but Yugyeom has never been big on consoling so you try to hold it in .

“What’s wrong? I’m not joking.” He sits beside you, putting down his gaming console on the table by the bed.

You play with your fingers , breathing in and out to calm your nerves. Yugyeom, out of all the people in the world , is the easiest to talk to but today , you find yourself on the edge , trying to be very careful with your choice of words. Maybe you were afraid of angering him as well.

“I..I kind of beat Anya up.” You confess ,swallowing the lump in your throat.

Yugyeom becomes still for a moment , staring at you with his mouth gaping and then his face breaks into the widest grin in the world.

“You really beat that bitch up? Like for real?” He asks , excitedly bro fisting the air like an athlete after winning an important match.

You nod , “And then I went to see Minho. He obviously didn’t react the way you did. He was very angry and then he broke up with me. ”

Yugyeom’s celebrations are short lived as you continue to tell him the details of what had happened earlier, his smile slowly dissolving into a frown.

“Y/n, first of all you really need to learn how to break news to other people. It’s always the bad one first and then the good one. Noob.” Yugyeom bumps his shoulder softly to yours. You would otherwise have argued with him and told him why the happy news should always be first and why the bad news should be last but you feel too exhausted to speak anymore. Your shoulders slump as you put your hands on either side of your head.

“How could he just break up with me like that? He had no logical reason to! He’s so selfish.” You mutter , tears gathering up in your eyes. You try to blink them away before your cousin notices them.

“I don’t think he did it for himself , y/n. You told him that you hit Anya because she was speaking trash about him. Of course he’d distance himself from you so you wouldn’t want to fight his fights for him.” Yugyeom says.

“I wasn’t fighting his fights! She trash talks about you and me and him and everyone else. It was the last straw for me. I didn’t do anything wrong. ” you explain , your heart hammering against your chest.

“I didn’t say what you did was wrong ,y/n. You have a right to be angry with her. But what we’re talking about is Minho. Think about this from his point of view,” Yugyeom replies, his hands on your shoulders , “You beat Anya up , got hurt and possibly put yourself in trouble with her mother all because of him. He feels guilty.” Yugyeom is speaking to you like he’s speaking in one of those debates that he does at college. You love seeing him speak, mostly because he is so manipulative yet subtle , smart yet observant and he can convince you so easily. He could easily pass as the best debater in your college - too bad you’d already taken that place.

“Or it could be because he doesn’t want more trouble in his account. Maybe he’s ashamed of me. ” you whisper, “ And I told you, I didn’t do it just for him. I did it for me and you too and all those people she bullies and makes fun of. Why is he the only one reacting like this? ”

Yugyeom sighs, “Yes , I appreciate your concern for my well being, y/n. But he might not be thinking the same way as I am. I was happy that you beat Anya up , but he was worried about you. He obviously doesn’t want you to get badly hurt.”

You rub the tears that flow down your face with the heel of your hand then place your head on Yugyeom ’s shoulder.

“He might have fallen out of love with me. Maybe he just needed an excuse to call it off.” You mutter.

“You know Minho’s better than that, y/n.”

He’s right . Minho really is better than that.

Break ups suck. In the truest sense. But what you now realize is that break ups don’t hurt that much immediately, but slowly , as the days go by and the memories start flashing in front of your eyes every waking moment , you feel like nothing more than a sack of meat and bones, drained of all emotions.

“For this unit of organic chemistry, I need all of you to memorise the reaction mechanisms over the weekend.” Your professor’s voice feels distant to you , as if there were a wall in between the two of you , even though he stands just a few steps away.

Your classmates start murmuring among themselves, fixing study dates that almost always are unsuccessful and gathering notes they hadn’t bothered to complete until now. But you remain seated in your chair , staring out the window, not bothering to talk to anyone.

It is a bright sunny afternoon and you see all the happy faces out on the field - couples, friends , classmates. You feel jealous. You clearly remember planning a weekend trip with Minho a few days ago and If you hadn’t decided to mess things up so bad, he’d have already been at your college gate by now , waiting in his father’s old car. You clearly remember how excited he was about the trip.

The dismissal bell rings not long after and as you walk out of the college gate, surrounded by thousands of students, you feel lonelier as ever. And your mind imagines his car below the tall banyan tree , his lean frame leaning against the door with a silly grin. You could almost see him there. Even though its just in your mind.

You miss him so much that it gets hard for you to even breathe properly.

“Okay , how long are we going to stay here? I have better things to do than stalk your girlfriend, Lee.” Changbin’s whiny voice breaks the silence in Minho’s car, much to his annoyance.

“Just a few more minutes. Till she reaches the dorm.” Minho replies , his hand limp on the steering wheel and his lips pressed in a tense line.

His eyes are focused on you , your slump shoulders and your unusually slow walk and the dark circles under your eyes. It is obvious that Minho wasn’t the only one having sleepless nights .

“Dude , why don’t you just talk to her? I’m sure she would listen.” Hyunjin says from the backseat , munching on peanuts, “ Plus I think she saw us.”

Minho watches as you turn around a corner and walk toward your dorm building , away from him. He almost wishes you’d seen him.

“It’s not that easy.” Minho mutters, turning the engine on.

At least he knows you’re okay, and safe. That’s enough reassurance for him to try and move on but he somehow always ends up driving to your college gates during dismissal,  the brief view of your face still making the worst of his days better.

“It’s not that easy.” He repeats to reassure himself .

“Guess what.” Yugyeom chimes in early one morning, leaning against the locker door beside yours.

“What?” You ask , not sparing him a glance. Your hands busy themselves in flipping over the pages of your notebook ; last minute revisions before tests are more important than the actual studying.

“I saw Anya this morning. She was running late , I think, and she bumped into a junior near the gate. I was sure all hell was about to break loose but she just apologized and left!” Yugyeom says , laughing.

You turn to look at him, a look of surprise plastered on your face. Anya actually did that? Instead of being her usual, defensive, violent self she actually chose to apologize? It’s hard to digest but you’re sure Yugyeom wouldn’t be making all that up. He’s not that creative.

“The sun must have risen from West today.” You reply with a chuckle.

The morning bell rings throughout the corridor, indicating the commencement of your classes. Throwing in your notebook ,you close your locker and heave a sigh. Its just a small quiz but you find yourself stressing over every single thing these days.

“Oh and by the way , it’s Jackson Wang’s birthday party tomorrow.” Yugyeom adds as the two of you start making your way towards the chemistry lab , coats hanging by your arms.

“And we’re going?” You question ,cocking your eyebrow.

Yugyeom is not really into parties , especially the over-the-top , spectacular , rich-kid parties that Jackson Wang often finds himself throwing, yet Yugyeom always goes because a) Jackson is his best friend and b) Who doesn’t like to feel like a rich man even if it’s just for one night?

“Yes. Both of us.” He says. You shrug your shoulders. You have always liked going to Jackson ’s parties and fawning over his huge mansion and the various cuisines placed in front of you that you can’t even name properly and watching other rich kids like himself play golf in the living room. It was pretty entertaining . Even with your post break up gloominess, you wouldn’t want to miss all of that.

“Okay.”

“And one more thing,” he starts ,“I saw Lee Minho outside our college gate yesterday. You might want to do something about that.”

No, unlike what was expected of you, you didn’t really do anything about it but Yugyeom’s words stick to you like a piece of gum throughout the whole day ,consuming every thought and pulling out all those thoughts that you’d stacked up and thrown away into the top most drawers of your mind. You were convinced that the day he broke up with you , he was done. He didn’t want to look back or reconsider. He wasn’t coming back to you. And you’ve been trying to move on as best as you could ,keeping your mind occupied and busy all the time. Yet you had to accept that in the wee hours of the night , staring at the ceiling ,you would often find yourself reminiscing him and whatever you two had. The gentle touches , the late night walks, shy smiles and endless talks ; you missed them.

But his presence outside the college changes the whole game, doesn’t it?

Later that day, you kind of regret agreeing to go to Jackson’s party because you soon realised that both Minho and Jackson went to the same dancing school at one point of time , and Minho probably (like a 99.9% probability because Jackson Wang never leaves anyone uninvited) was invited too.

You dread every second in Yugyeom’s stupid car that brings you one more step closer to seeing Lee Minho again. And although you would never dare say it out loud , a part of you was a little excited too.

“Dude , y/n , I have never felt so underdressed in my entire life.” Yugyeom breathes in as the car stops in front of the huge metal gates of Jackson’s mansion.

“Me neither.” You agree, your eyes glued to the people walking in and out of the doors, wearing tuxedos and dresses and sparkly jewelry. You feel horribly out of place all of a sudden, like a fish flying in the sky and a bird swimming deep under the water- you feel like you don’t belong here.

You look down at your black converse , tightly laced and washed for this very party and your loose ,dark green tshirt and ripped jeans .

“Why didn’t you tell me this was a fucking masquerade ball or soemthing?"you hiss at your cousin.

"Shut up, y/n , you’re not the only one feeling odd. ” Yugyeom shoots back

But all of that discomfort is gone the moment you see Jackson Wang sitting on the huge sofa in the living room , wearing nothing but a pair of boxer shorts and a white tank top , drunk and wasted and blabbering.

“Let’s go before he sees us.” Yugyeom says , pushing you through the crowds of people clad in silks and pure cotton , “Drunk Jackson is difficult to handle.”

“Oh , I beg to differ , All Jacksons are difficult to handle.”

The garden behind the mansion is filled with even more people than your brain was accustomed to seeing while the DJ stands at the top of a platform , headphones on and screaming into the mic every once in a while to hype up the crowd in front of him , but you realise it’s hardly needed. People are already way too hyped up in here.

“Y/n?” You hear a voice say and you immediately turn around to face Hwang Hyunjin standing under the wonderful night sky, looking as gorgeous as ever. But then again ,when does he not look pretty?

“Hey, Hyunjin. How have you been?” You ask with a smile. Your awkward hand movements do not go unnoticed by him but he thankfully doesn’t comment on it.

“I’ve been good. How have you been ?” He replies , inching closer to you. From the corner of your eye, you see Yugyeom slowing disappearing into the crowds, leaving you all alone to deal with your ex boyfriend’s best friend. You make a mental note to never lend your Netflix account to him again.

“I’m okay, too.” You say.

Hyunjin nods, his eyes staring at you curiously, “Tell me , y/n , how have you really been? I know what happened between you and Minho.”

You gulp , heat creeping up to your cheeks.

“I’m fine, really. Don’t worry about it.” You say, biting the inside of your cheeks nervously.

“If you say so.” he grins , putting an arm around you , “But I’ll be real honest with you , Minho - ”

The words are cut off when the DJ suddenly blasts a new song through the speakers , simultaneously yelling into the mic. The sweaty, wasted , hopeless crowd around you yell a few ’ Let’s GO! ’s and ’ Fuck It Up ’s in response.

“What were you saying?” You yell over the music , pinching Hyunjin’s t-shirt to get his attention. He glances at back you then points toward his left , “That.”

You turn your head in that direction , your heart skipping a beat the moment your eyes meet Minho’s nervous ones. You see him walk towards you in long strides ,his handsome features painted with anxiousness and worry and a foreign sense of guilt. You were angry at him ,yes ,but as he makes his way to you , his silky hair bouncing softly ,his pink lips slightly parted, his starry eyes locked on you ,he looks…Brilliant? Breathtaking? Gorgeous? Stunning? All of these?

He wears a blue tshirt with black pants and has a jacket tied around his waist. He looks beautiful- even though you are mad at him. He looks way too beautiful to not acknowledge it.

And just a few seconds before he reaches you , you break away from Hyunjin’s hold and run away into the crowd.

“Y/n, wait!” You hear the both of them yell at the same time. But only one of them follows behind you and you don’t even have to look back to know who it is.

Fear and anger creep into your body , slow but painful like poison. You remember the last few days and how horrible it had been for you , all because of Minho and his lack of understanding in a moment when it was needed the most. Over the past few weeks, your ex boyfriend had made no attempts to contact you whatsoever and if he thinks he could just pop out of nowhere and start talking to you again, then he’s gravely mistaken. You might still love him and want nothing more than to hold him close , but that doesn’t mean you aren’t angry anymore . You are not ready to face him. At all.

Your feet burn as you run further away from Minho, jogging up the stairs inside the mansion with your hand tightly gripping the cold metal railing.

“Y/n, please, just listen to me once.” He yells, still not giving up.

You scoff , “Why should I? You didn’t listen to me that day either!”

You find a door at the end of the staircase, your hands pushing it to reach the empty terrace that you’d heard Jackson bragging about during your English classes when everyone was too bored to listen to the professor. The terrace really was beautiful, with all kinds of flowers blooming and a fountain with lights , you would have almost been breath taken if not for the man closing up behind you.

“Y/n, damnit, ” Minho huffs, reaching his hand out toward you, panting, “Stop, okay? Just listen to me , please.”

Not like you have an option anyway. You sigh in defeat , walking toward the fountain, the carpet grass rustling under your feet. “What?” You demand, your voice bitter with anger.

Minho stands in front of you , his brown unkempt hair and firey eyes reminding you of the night you guys had kissed for the first time. He stands at an arm’s distance, giving you enough space to think things through. He would never want to force you to do something you wouldn’t want to. And even if everything turned out to be not in his favor tonight, he’d gladly accept it because he deserved it after treating you so badly.

“I’m sorry.” He whispers after a few seconds.

You roll your eyes, “For what? What did you do? As far as I know, THE Lee Minho never makes mistakes!”

He hangs his head low with shame ; he didn’t mean a single word he’d said that night. He was worried, yes, he was very worried about your bashful attitude but he was also very grateful to you for always having his back. It physically hurt him to see you bleeding and completely worn out that day.

“Well, I did make a mistake this time. I said some words that I didn’t mean at all and I’m afraid the girl I intended those words at hates me.” He says , pressing his lips in a line.

“Damn right , she does.” You can’t even look into his eyes anymore because you’re too afraid of laying your true feelings bare in front of him.

“I’m really, really sorry, baby. I know I’m an asshole and I hurt you. I have no excuses to offer but I just want you to know that a single second more away from you will drive me crazy. ”

You process his sentences slowly - letter by letter, inking those words permanently into your memories. “Why?” You ask. What a silly question ,y/n, do you really want to torment this man so much ?

Minho gulps, his Adam’s apple bobbing with the movement, “Because you’re quite literally my everything.”

Minho only dares to grin a little when you no longer throw virtual daggers from your eyes at him. “I hate you , you know?” You say.

“I know ,y/n. I don’t even blame you. I shouldn’t have said all that. I was just so, so mad. But that really wasn’t an excuse to be so rude to you or break up. I should have talked it out instead . I deserve the hate.” He admits.

The frown on your lips dissipates slowly ,making way for a sad, small smile.

“It was so hard, Minho. You don’t even know. I had never felt so lonely in my entire life.” You say.

“Believe me, y/n, I know.” He whispers as your hands find their way to his cheeks, rubbing them ever so gently.

You scan his face, absorbing in the fact that he was actually in front of you and this wasn’t one of your unrealistic imaginations.

Minho takes not more than a half step towards you and you automatically wrap your arms around his neck , like the millions of times you’d already done before. Everything about him is so familiar yet so new. Like layers and layers to discover and only one goddamn lifetime.

He nuzzles his face into the crook of your neck , mumbling soft apologies against your skin, his arms tightening around your waist with every passing second.

“I missed you so much.” You admit, playing with his beautiful brown locks, taking in the smell of his (your) favorite body wash.

“I missed you too.” He replies , “So goddamn much. I almost wanted to cuddle Hwang Hyunjin at night.”

You laugh ,as he admires the way your noes scrunches up when you giggle and the way your eyes bend into crescent moons. In that moment, Minho realises how much he loves seeing you laugh ,especially when he’s the reason behind it. It fills him up with so much pride.

You hear the DJ change the song into a slow , romantic one as his voice booms through the speakers once again , “Ladies and gentlemen, grab the person next to you, with consent of course, and hold them close for this one because tonight is all about dancing with strangers!”

The crowd goes feral.

Minho raises an eyebrow at the DJ’s words , a sly smile playing on his lips , “Shall we?”

He pulls away from the embrace, gently bowing toward you and offering you his hand like some gentleman right out of a fairytale.

“He said dancing with a stranger, not girlfriend.” You deadpan but you take his hand anyway.

He chuckles, leaning closer to rest his forehead on yours, “Technically, we’re still broken up. That makes us strangers.”

You have to give in - not because of his weird reasoning but because of how terribly cute he looks when he smiles like that at you. He holds you close, swaying slowly to the music and grinning like there’s no tomorrow.

“What’s so funny, Lee Minho?” You ask , raising your eyebrow.

He shakes his head, still grinning, “I just realised how rare it is to find a woman who would quite literally declare war for you.”

“Now, you’re exaggerating a little bit with the war thing but yes, that’s the essence of it.” You reply with a proud smile.

He laughs, as you put your hand on his cheek once again and press your lips softly to his. You’d missed this so much - not just kissing him but also this feeling of intimacy you share with him everytime you’re in a closed space, sharing the same air. You missed his teasing, his stupidly sweet laughter, the warmth of his embrace. You missed Lee Minho - your safe place, your best friend, your world.

And even after everything, you both know for sure that you would fight the world for Minho if need be, and he’d do the exact same thing for you. Every single time.

[loth-wolffe]

Hi love! May I send you a 📝? 🌻 x

Send me a 📝 and I’ll tell you what my favorite fic of yours is (and what I love about it!) 💕

hi sam!! of courseeee<33

all of ur work is so amazing and this was really really hard. like, i literally spent like a whole minute staring at your masterlist just thinking of which one is my favorite.

and since it was so hard I'm gonna go and say my top three (3) bc yes.

this is gonna be so long I'm so sorry.

soo my super top one (1) would def be chain of command. that one is SO hot i swear. but it's not just that. i mean. it's so beautifully written and like, everything you write is so amazingly done but the way you wrote thrawn feels so... him??? and for me he's a really hard character to write bc his personality is sort of hard to fully grasp and yet you did it in the most precious way, like, i can totally hear thrawn in my head with every dialogue. and you made him so yours it's mesmerizing.

and the build up! uhGggg, i could literally quote every single thing of the "introduction" of the fic. and you know, i just love everything about it, and !!! the little moments where he shows this something I can't really pinpoint the name of but it's this mix of softness and care.

when he holds her hand as she rides the toy, or the "is it better?" and when he sounds almost fond and the whole ch’itiseb thing,,,, I– fUCk. I AM crying sam.

and i love even more how it all comes to this:

There’s a small furrow of tension between his brows you’ve never seen before; a sheen of sweat across his upper lip. A tiny strand of cobalt hair has fallen across his forehead. By anybody else’s standards, he still looks nothing short of perfectly composed. But on him… these tiny signs of his slipping control are enough to throb deep between your legs. The Grand Admiral; sweating - because of you.

I- woah. the power u have given us. and i just really really like when these bad, hard, unexpressive men turn out to break for you, because of you.

and it's sO hot. so. hot. to have that kind of effect on someone. and you wrote it so amazingly, because it's not the obvious things, but the small little ones, like the sweat and the hair and how composed he must look and also not really.

and THE ENDING !!! god.

Sitting beside you, he methodically cleans the cooling cum from your body, and you can’t quite look at him as he does. Embarrassedly, you reach to take it from him.

“Thank you, sir. I can manage.”

His tone is mild, the edges of his lips lifting as he dips the damp edge into your navel.

“Perhaps. But I would prefer to.”

I JUST— this always, always has me wanting to hide my face on a pillow and i smile SO much. because there's this,,,, this thing.

how reader tries to put back that wall of professionalism between them, because at the end he is her boss, and the awkwardness she feels must be so palpable, but he wants to do this, for her. because for him there's no wall to break down or to pull back up.

"perhaps. but I would prefer to."

I MEAN– AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

you wrote this so soft. like he has this affection for her that he doesn't know how to approach, how to act on it. so it's these little things.

and i mean yeah, this is so fucking hot u know, but also it's so sweet and it's more than just smut u know. it's these little glimpses of those things that hide behind that makes my heart yEARN.

ALSO OMG WHEN TJEY KISS I- AJSKAKDJAKDJAJS I CANT EVEN SAM THAT WAS SO AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.

my second favorite fic is that jealous fox one i just !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and u know at the beginning when u wrote

“I don’t need sleep,” he’d told you, sounding just slightly manic. “I’m good for at least another six hours.”

You hadn’t argued. You’re still shy around him despite this being your third date, and the last thing you want is for him to think you’re trying to brush him off. He’s just so intimidating; the Commander of the entire Coruscant Guard — so hard and efficient, his authority unquestionable.

i both laugh and cry bc first of all, fox needs a break, and second of all SAME. and i just love how relatable this is. how human. to be shy and slightly awkward and hold back a bit when you're entering into a relationship with someone.

AND WHEN.

Fox’s face looks perfectly composed, but you’re sure you don’t imagine the faint narrowing of his eyes.

“Thorn.”

IM SCREAMINGGGGGGGGGGGGGG. i have NO words to describe the things this fic does to me. I just–

and tbh it's SO HOT.

and everything that follows is even Hotter. when he says “Fuck, you’re wet. What about this? This all for me too?” DAMN.

and before this gets any longer. i gotta say the third (3) part of mutual arrangement is my FAVEST.

and i aDORE everything about this

Slowly, so he knows what you’re doing, you reach out and release the catch at the back, lifting the helmet slowly off. He doesn’t try to stop you, although you see his posture stiffening in his chair. With his face finally free, you pause to take in the sight of him. He’s frowning, always frowning, and you automatically press your finger gently to the line between his dark brows, trying to smooth his expression. He looks tired, a shadow of stubble across his jaw and his hair sticking up in messy tufts. You can’t help the little lift to your lips… you’ve missed him, even though he’s been here the whole time.

“Hi,” you whisper.

And the sight fills your chest with light; his face relaxes fractionally. “Hi,” he echoes, sounding vaguely amused. You bend and press your lips quickly to his, standing between his knees, and he catches your wrists, holding you there as he leans in to deepen the kiss. Reaching blindly behind you to leave his helm.

I just– [incomprehensible crying]

sam u are really out there blessing us with all these beautiful words and content.

and i am TRASH for boba, and even more for soft boba. and idk if I told you this before but the way you write him is so good. so so so good. I'm always left speechless with the ease you seem to portray him and into your fics.

and this little bit that follows

“What happened to no distractions?” you murmur against his mouth, and he bites your bottom lip in warning, grinding you down onto the hardness of his codpiece.

“You happened,” he shoots back. “You can’t follow my fucking rules, on my ship,” and the rough quality of his voice would be threatening in any other circumstance but here it sends a thrill through you like a bolt of plasma.

consider me ugly sobbing and h word.

i really can't believe your talent babe, it's unparalleled. and the way you put all these emotions and make this beautiful work of pure art and make the reader feel all these things it's just– it's amazing. really.

tbh i could spend my whole life just breaking down your fics and telling you every single little thing i adore about them.

ALSO OMGGGG that cody fic with the strap 🥴🥴🥴🥴🥴🥴🥴🥴🥴🥴🥴🥴🥴🥴 i think about it A LOT. so hot. fuck. its 1000000/10 i swear. no thoughts just this fic.

[shy-magpie]

RQG 156

live blog under the cut

Heads up about half way through I realized I go a bit further into analysis on where Zolf & the Kobolds are mentally than some people might be comfortable with. Just as they trust us to back off if the episode gets to real, I am trusting you to close the tab if my little live blog is hitting you wrong. If it makes a difference I have years between me and the reason I relate to this stuff.

"In Memorium" they are trying to kill us Ah they lampshaded the speed intros Yes Alex it is rather Paris Right to Azu & Zolf. Oh he's jumping right in. And there's my first pause of the episode. No “better” isn't a magic finish line you pass then never find yourself in that place again. No, knowing that doesn't mean you don't wonder if your back at square one every time you realize You Are In A Bad Place and Not Handling it Well. Gosh Azu is good at this. Yeah learning to walk away is hard. Learning to ignore the part of yourself that says "and never come back for their sake" is harder. Symbolic much Alex (Zolf is too small for the room, Azu is too large) Yeah it would be easier to not blame Zolf for last episode if I related to him a bit less. Okay they are talking about Hamid and their concerns for him directly. Yeah Hamid's relationship with power & privilege is an arc; and without the Doylist level of trusting Bryn & Alex, I can see where even if you trust/like him you'd be worried about it. With the best of intentions people misuse power. Azu quoted Grizzop at Zolf. Didn't name him, wonder if Zolf is ever going ask directly about his replacement in canon or if its best left to fic. Its easy to dismiss one's own successes. Okay fair and OW, Zolf isn't up to talking about Sasha; which is the part of this I was most prepared for. Hell yeah! He is coming down but not going to be attempting to lead so as to relieve pressure on himself. Maybe if he can let Hamid step up without making a Kew Garden thing he'll see how much he's grown. Hopefully without that setting off a "Hamid does better without me" thing. Yeah intellectual knowledge and it feeling real on an emotional level are very different things. Alex, why does it matter what order they are in? ALEX? The necklace? The Heart of Aphrodite shaped necklace? Azu got a Sign from Aphrodite approving of her reaching out to Zolf as an act of love. Yes! Blue Black no take backs! Yeah those two (players) know exactly what they are doing: breaking my heart in the best ways and not skipping over the actual work those two (characters) need to put into their relationship with OOC "its all fine now"s. Ok that settles the timeline, Azu went up same night, the device isn't made yet. Yeah Zolf wouldn't, probably best to back off while things are tender while being present enough to assure he isn't planning on leaving. Seriously bless Azu, this has to be at least as hard on her as Helen but she is letting the boys have room to work it out for themselves instead of "trying to help". The last thing either of them need right now is pressure especially on this point. Aw the Kobolds teach Cel draconic. Oh smart kid, not only is it just logical for the Kobolds to work with Cel directly, it might help them get over the "looking to see if the boss approves of how you breathe" stage. Especially if he is clear about not being threatened by them having advantage over him in this area. Heck of a relief this isn't hitting my rank issues. Ooh all the Kobolds are amazing engineers, wonder if its a Kobold thing or if Skraak recruited people with similar interests. Nice rework of the "Kobolds build traps" thing from pathfinder. I genuinely love how instead of pitching the original description of Kobolds out the window, Alex has backwards engineered it. Reputation for traps isn't a dishonorable approach to fighting, its a sign of their skill. They aren't minions, their trauma is interacting with a cultural attitude about rank in weird ways. Oh Cel! Cel is amazing. Under Shoin's orders they: made Magic Steroids, did maintenance (more towards the end as Shoin wasn't taking care of things), built the place initially, sourced ingredients, other Kobolds built the Mechkraken. Damn Shoin, they can't even be proud of all they were able to do in adverse circumstances because he tainted it. If they weren't forced to do it and have it used for ill ends, building the kraken would be impressive. A lot of that sounds like difficult work. Hamid stuff: yeah it is from a place of fear; and they would be hypersensitive and need to try to "defend him" so he doesn't react. Terrified of his anger? Handle anything that even annoys him to cut it off at the pass. And being a good person who doesn't like scaring them, Hamid is going to over do the very "Mary Sunshine" routine that makes Zolf think he doesn't appreciate the gravity of the situation. You'd think Mr "do a grief later" would get that Hamid doesn't have to walk the halls wailing to be aware of the end of the world. Not that the kid can win, if he cried and threw up it would be proof he hasn't grown from season one. Hopefully by taking a back seat Zolf will have a chance to see Hamid's actions and realize being chipper & wholesome doesn't mean stupid. Oh Alex has thought this through, one of these days I'll quit being surprised he actually gets this stuff. Not being able to read the person whose emotions feel like life & death is a Bad Thing. Thank Alex for Skraak. Weird seeing this stuff from this side, of course learning to focus on my end instead of being preoccupied with what was going on in the heads of people who were on Hamid's end of it was rather the point. Perfect balance, Hamid gives them enough space to realize he isn’t going to explode, Skraak "translates" into something clear enough not to stress them out. Like when Zolf snapped at Skraak when he pledged to Hamid; might not be pretty but not knowing what The Powers That Be want? Very bad place. Rank and clear orders are very important when appeasing those who outrank you is everything. Cel has dealt with a lot of young and unsure apprentices!?! Yeah well Cel isn't in their chain of command and gears don't get offended if you have an opinion on the right way to configure them. Cel is great Azu & Hamid talking about Zolf! Helen is wonderful! I thought this was going to be drawn out and indirect, instead they are actually facing things head on and dealing with them. Aw these two are so good for each other. Azu would set aside her own emotions. Hot damn Azu, getting right to it! Hamid can be amazingly open about his self awareness and it surprises me every time. It fits him and is a very good thing, but going from answering "how are you?" with "the Kobolds are doing well" to "I never knew how to help him" without it being jarring made me do quite the double take. Guess I was expecting more deflection. Yeah well you two are redefining your boundaries, entire relationship, and rank in specific, while being the perhaps the only people with enough of the picture to figure out how to save the world. Working out the balance between conflicting views on that, when neither of you knows what the end will look like was never going to be smooth. Oh yes and none of you have directly addressed that half of Zolf's rank & dick measuring stuff is because he doesn't know if he even has a role if he isn't The Boss or The Healer.* Oh the grin in Alex's voice as he tells them there is something else before the brorb interview. Whisky tumblers for each? Quite a sigh there Ben News? Big news? While they were in the institute? They ought to sit down. Wilde get to it. Ah Azu & Hamid are holding hands. Poor kid with his prop. Letter? Ancient Rome? Sasha? Are all the fics coming true? Their founder "Askingus"!?! Oh Sasha, oh Zolf! Lydia! Oh the kids! She named the kids after the party. She even found her faith. A break? How the hell are we only half way through the episode. Also hell yeah Lydia deserves all the awards, that was an amazing letter. XD Ben! Oh Hamid, we reacted that way to the epilogue that way too. It really is okay, it was a good end. Yeah he could use a drink. Poor Zolf. Hamid gives Wilde a hug. "technically I think that makes Sasha my boss". XP be cryptic Alex, The RSB will have it figured out by Friday. Ok Zolf got to read the letter on his own. Azu lit 3 candles, because Helen wants me to cry. Hamid is at Zolf's door with a bottle and two glasses. Lydia this is a compliment to your skill. More direct than I expected from Hamid. Oh these two! Okay he is drunk enough to go there (angry at Zolf for leaving but he gets it). About time someone told Zolf directly he's grown. Aw Zolf puts him to bed. Thank you Alex! Ben! (okay fair, if any of Hamid was left he'd cuddle). Sorry Cel! Lydia wanted to break/heal our hearts more than she wanted the plot to move forward ;) Good plan: take the orb to the anti magic field, only those who have already talked to it can talk directly. Info control. Hive mind/telepathy directly addressed. Finally what Shoin eats is addressed. Ok Cel has some teeth on them. Hasn't fed it, is using the vibration to threaten to explode his brain, (no English doesn't have enough pronouns we are working on it)... Oh good point better feed it. Aw Zolf is possessive of the kitchen. Shoin is still Shoin. Cel is not happy about not being recognized. Nice to hear the boys working together. The Infection might block him from being directly aware of  being infected. Bullsh$% he backed himself up. Good point Zolf even if he does, they are separate lives, this instance can still fear death. Oh all the party have teeth, nice they don't have the "good guys have to be sweet & gentle with the baddies" thing Yeah Cel isn't stupid, the brorbs arm isn't a threat. Oh auto painting that will make the people theorizing on the bio side of how the Brorb works happy. A circulatory diagram, and am ocean of faces. Paints like a printer. A creepy charcoal sketch of London staring at the artist. *I swear on Rusty Tower if they let him hurt himself any worse because he thinks his new role is "a brick wall on wheels" I am joining the line to fight Ben in a Whetherspoons parking lot. Yes it would be in character but so would healing. There are other hills. Although seriously its been great having a character that shows so many of the aspects of depression that usually get left out. That Zolf is also a three dimensional character with a full personality beyond just "the one with mental health issues" while not making it look like those issues are tacked on or easy to handle? Stunning work.  

[myheroacademiashorts]

Tokoyami x reader where the reader gets suspicious of the fact that Tokoyami and Tsuyu are hanging out often? She gets jealous and confronts Tokoyami about it? Ends in fluff, please. Thank you!!

HI AGAIN IM SO SORRY THAT THIS TOOK SO LONG AND THANK U FOR YOUR PATIENCE!!! I struggled a lot with this piece because I really didn’t wanna see the birb boi sad or struggling, he’s baby. (But Jody, you make the y/n character and others sad so why does-) OKAY ANYWAYS SORRY AGAIN, and I love you

Title: Rip It Off Like A Bandaid

Pairing: Tokoyami Fumikage x Reader

Rating: Fluff, Slight Angst

Words: 2,491

——————————————

You knew Tokoyami still liked you… At least, you were pretty damn sure he did.

You glanced over at the scene again, brows furrowing as you watched your boyfriend duck his head closer to Tsuyu as the pair whispered. The two had been spending a lot of time together, and while you knew they were friends long before you came into the picture, their abnormal closeness over the last few days was starting to rub you the wrong way. Tsuyu was sweet; a bit blunt sometimes, but there wasn’t anything wrong with that. Tokoyami also wasn’t the type to cheat… So why did that thought keep rising to the front of your mind?

“Are you alright? You look like you’re ready to wring someone’s neck.”

You heaved your attention away from the pair to meet the familiar gaze of your friend Jiro, and plastered on a smile. “Is it that obvious?”

“Honestly?”

You sighed, running a hand through your (H/C) locks as you stared at the surface of your desk. “Am I overreacting? I feel like I am.” You skipped your eyes over to Tokoyami and Tsuyu once more, this time with a glare.

“Maybe. Why don’t you just ask him?”

“No!”

Now Jiro was sighing. “This is why I’m still single.” She grumbled, directing her attention back to the front of the classroom. You rolled your eyes at her comment. “Don’t act like you wouldn’t jump Momo’s bones if she gave you the chance.” You whispered with a devious smirk, and Jiro snapped her attention back to you quickly.

Before she could retort, the bell sounded overhead, signalling lunch. You were still smiling when you stood up, but your joy quickly evaporated when you noticed Tokoyami scamper out behind Tsuyu, not even bothering to try and invite you to eat lunch with him. Your frown deepened with a sinking heart. You weren’t the only one to notice your boyfriend’s quick escape, and Jiro’s gaze was heavy on your shoulders. “C’mon, let’s grab grub.” She said, grabbing your arm and leading you out of the room. Her words went, unresponded, as you let your thoughts cloud with jealousy.

—————————————

You ended up isolating yourself at lunch, leaving Jiro in the cafeteria and meeting up once more for class. She didn’t question your disappearance, and a part of you was glad that she didn’t; Jiro understood that you needed some time to yourself. Especially with All Might’s class coming up, and the energy it’d take out of you.

“I AM COMING THROUGH THE DOOR!” The booming voice was followed with the hero, who posed in the front of the room. “Young heroes! Today, we shall be sparing with one another! To the training grounds!”

Everyone filed out of the classroom, Uraraka and Midoriya on either side of you as you walked. Ahead of your group was, just as you guessed, Tokoyami and Tsuyu together once more. They weren’t clinging to one another, but every time his shoulder brushed hers, you felt yourself tense up. Uraraka noticed as well, and you could feel her gaze brush over you every so often as Midoriya continued to jabber on about the newest heroes that had hit the media. 

“FOR TODAY, YOUNG HEROES, WE WILL ACT OUT A HOSTAGE SITUATION.” The familiar booming voice was back, this time louder as ever as he zoomed in front of the students. “One student shall act as the hostage, one as the villian, and the last as the hero! Heros and villians, move to change into your hero costumes as you are split into your groups! I shall choose your teams!”

Uraraka turned to you with bright eyes! “Wow! I hope I get chosen as a villain! Remember when Iida was paired up with Bakugou, and did that creepy laugh?” You cracked a small grin at the memory.

“I was simply getting into character!” The boy approached you from behind, arms hanging stiffly beside his body as his glasses gleamed.

“Yeah, but you took it to another level!”

“It was called acting!”

The two bickered back and forth, with you and Midoriya staring at them with amused faces. The green-haired boy turned to you with a smile. “What about you, (Y/N)? Do you have a preference?”

“Not really. Hero, of course, but I’ll have fun either way. What about you?”

He blushed. “Ah! Hero, of course! Just like our teacher.” He cast a glance at All Might, nothing but adoration in his eyes as he stared at the pro-hero. You could practically see the fanboy hearts in his gaze. You grinned. “Wanting to mirror your idol, huh?” You voiced your thoughts bluntly, and Midoriya turned even redder, if that were possible.

Before he could reply, All Might called out your name, causing you to whip your attention to him. Behind him was a large screen, which displayed the names of you and your teammates. Your gaze darkened.

“For Team F, we will have Y/N as the hostage, Tokoyami as the Villian, and Asui as the hero! Please wait for your turn patiently! Next we have…”

You tuned out his words, and looked towards Tokoyami and Tsuyu curiously. They hadn’t even turned to your direction, and instead were in deep conversation. Tokoyami looked nervous, his eyes straying to his shoes. The pair moved towards the changing rooms, picking up the familiar metal suitcases beside the rooms and disappearing through the lady’s and men’s rooms. Uraraka was by you in an instant as soon as they were out of sight, and grabbed your hand. She squeezed it reassuringly. “Are you okay with this? I can ask All Might if I can switch with you, if you want.” Her offer made you smile softly.

“I’ll be alright. Thank you, though.” You clasp her one hand, with both of yours, grinning before releasing her and squaring your shoulders. Soon after, your boyfriend and his frog-like friend came back out to the waiting area, still far too close for comfort and voiced hushed. You watched patiently as the groups before yours went by, eyes darting between the bright screen and Tokoyami. Uraraka was in the group before your own, and she did amazingly well as a villain; setting up traps and defeating Kaminari in record time. And soon enough, it was time to shine. As Team E stepped off from the training grounds, you moved forward, steps ahead of your other two teammates as you marched up the staircase and sat down in the fold-out chair, arms crossed over your chest protectively.

A few seconds passed by as you sat in silence, before the familiar bird-like head entered your view. Tokoyami seemed to avoid your gaze. He entered the room with quiet footsteps, his gaze flickering from the doorway to the legs of the chair that you sit in, or maybe your shoes; you weren’t sure, and a large part of you didn’t care too much. Just the fact that his amber eyes wouldn’t lift to meet your E/C ones left your heart with an ache. The draped cape of his hero costume swayed as he entered into the room a bit further with a few hesitant steps, and finally he looked at you.

And stayed completely silent.

You pursued your lips as he glanced away once more, instead focusing on the tips of his boots. “Hello, y/n.” His voice still held its usual coolness, and you frowned. It had been a handful of days since the last time Tokoyami had spoken to you, when he had bid you goodnight before disappearing into his bedroom. Even remembering that action had upset you, since it was a Friday night, meaning that you and Tokoyami usually spent the entire evening camped out in your bedroom watching B-rated horror films until one of you eventually fell asleep. You let it slide, though, not thinking much of it. From outside, you heard the loud alarm for the exercise to start; no doubt that Tsuyu was already on her way over to you.

Your eyes slitted into a glare as you stared at Tokoyami. You scoffed. “‘Hello’? After five days of radio silence, that’s the only thing you say?” A part of you hate to sound so bratty, but another part wanted him to know how hurt, how betrayed you felt because of him.

He kept quiet, only spurring you on further. “I mean, come on! What did you expect me to say? ‘Oh, hello my honey bunches! Have I missed you so! Wherefore art thou been?’” You tilted your head at the side and clasped you hands beside your neck dramatically, as if acting out a part in a play. Then, you were glaring again. “You’ve ignored me for over a week, and instead you’ve been clinging to the side of another girl, and you weren’t expecting any backlash, huh? I mean, come on. Were you even thinking about my feelings, or have you already replaced me with Tsuyu in your mind?”

You already felt shitty for bringing Tsuyu’s name into your argument, but the way his eyes narrowed made you feel even worse. “Tsuyu is a friend and nothing more. Also, I was unaware that you were feeling… Unhappy. Why didn’t you-”

“Go talk to you about it? Maybe because you’ve been avoiding me like the Black Plague.” You snorted, and now you were avoiding Tokoyami’s insistent red eyes as he stared at you blankly. You swallowed dryly, contemplating your next words. “… Look, if you want to break up with me, just do it now and get it over with. Like ripping off a bandaid.” Your voice cracked at the end of your sentence, eyes misty as you internally commanded yourself to get control of your emotions. First you were practically screaming, and now you were about to cry? You weren’t usually this flippant with your feelings. It made you feel weak, like you were back in middle school; not the student of a prestigious hero course.

Tokoyami sputtered, tripping over his own words. “Break- what- where did you get the idea that I didn’t like you anymore?” He was as still as a dead man, feet away from you with wide eyes.

“I told you why.” You looked up from staring down at your shoes.

He looked away, guiltily, but quickly redirected his attention to you once more. He was fidgeting, hands clasped in front of his stomach nervously. A part of you wanted to hear his explanation, whether it be good or bad, while the other part of you wanted to jump out of your chair and vault yourself out of the window. The latter option was beginning to look a lot more appealing the longer the silence stretched on. Finally, he spoke.

“I did not mean to ignore you, and it was not my intention to make you feel as though I’ve forgotten you. But there was something I needed advice on, and I trusted Tsuyu to help me with that aspect.” He cleared his throat before continuing. “This was… not the ideal way that I had wanted to do this. However, it was my mistake for making you feel inferior in my life, so I hope my actions will make up for it.”

He stepped forward, bending down on one knee in front of you. Automatically you froze in your chair. Oh my god, is he planning to propose? We haven’t even been together that long, let alone kiss, and we’re still in high school and oh my god. Your thoughts were jumbled, tumbling over one another in a panicked pace as you stared at your boyfriend, your E/C eyes wide and your hand trembling as they gripped down on your seat.

“Y/N, my love… My queen of darkness.” He pulled out a velvet box from inside of his cape. “I wanted this moment to be one that you would hold dear to your heart and remember for the rest of your life. I know we haven’t talked about it much, but… I love you. I love you with all of my existence. You are the light of my life, the sunlight that brightens my gloomy evenings every day… I love you. I promise to stay faithful by your side, from today until death takes me from you. Will you accept this promise gift, and me along with it?” He popped open the lid of the box, and sitting snugly inside was a ring. You breathed in a sigh of relief - you definitely weren’t going to say yes if he was proposing, nope, definitely not - but this was different.

A small grin grew on your lips as you nodded, and Tokoyami plucked the ring from its holster and helped to slide it onto your awaiting finger, where it fit perfectly. The band was a dark grey, onyx stones dotting its outside with a drop-shaped diamond in the center. It reflected your boyfriend perfectly. “It’s beautiful.” You voiced your thoughts aloud, and you didn’t miss the way Tokoyami ducked his head, no doubt trying to hide his blush, despite the fact that you couldn’t see it underneath his layer of feathers.

“So this was what you were planning with Tsuyu? You weren’t cheating on me?”

Tokoyami frantically shook his head. “I would never! In the words of Kirishima, that would be an unmanly thing for me to do. But yes, she did aid me with finding the perfect ring… And I had been planning to take you underneath the cherry blossoms to offer it to you, since Tsuyu had notified me that it would be a suitable setting, but that did not happen.” He smiled. “Not that I’m complaining, mind you.”

A blush rose to your cheeks, all of your negative feelings gone as you stared down at the new piece of jewelry that decorated your hand in awe. Your heart was swollen with love, and you looked back to Tokoyami with all of your emotions. “I-I love you, too. And I’ll be by your side forever.” You leaned forward, hands placed on either side of Tokoyami’s cheeks, and placed a small kiss on the tip of his beak. While you couldn’t see the blush that adorned his cheeks, you could definitely feel it as his face quickly warmed underneath your small palms. 

It wasn’t until after the two of you had descended down the stairs that you forgot all about the camera in the corner of the hostage room, showing the live feed of you and Tokoyami’s interaction to all of your fellow classmates. You didn’t hear the end of it for weeks, especially from Tsuyu (who you immediately apologized to for your dark thoughts), yet you didn’t mind the chatter too much. Because whenever you glanced down at your ring, the symbol of love from the one man you held dearest to your heart, the only thing you could do was smile.

And smile, you did. 

[hecohansen31]

We all know Jim is a party boy ! Getting drunk, dancing, having fun, when his shy gf prefers to stay at home. She is fine with it, if he is careful. She is mostly scared about all the beautiful girls around him, and when she sees pictures of him with one of them sitting on him on ig, she just wants to cry. (of course, nothing happened, but after that, everytime he sends a text, smile at a girl or go out with friends, she gets ideas)

(A/N): Hello there, sweetie!

I hope you’ll like this! 

I have a strange love-hate relationship with jealousy so if I didn’t write this amazingly just ask me again and I’ll try to do better!

Ahhh haven’t I missed my sweetheart Jimmy?

WARNINGS: Jealousy, Introvert! Reader, Mention of Drugs/Making Out/Insecurities.

You had never been jealous, before Jimmy.

But at the same time, you had never had someone like Jimmy in your life, someone who you cared to the point that it hurt you in any way possible to think of him with another girl, which happened even more frequently than you might think, since Jimmy seemed to be constantly in a crowd.

It was what differentiated you from him: you were shy, and as much as you were also in crowds you couldn’t stand them for longer than a few minutes, preferring the calmness of being outside of them, not always on your own, but in smaller groups than Jim’s.

You didn’t approve of his friends but hadn’t told him anything: you didn’t want to seem irrational and alongside this, the jealousy you felt was something you had to work on your own.

There wouldn’t come anything good from forbidding Jim to hang out with girls, but it still pained you to know that he was out with all those pretty and outgoing girls, constantly hanging on his lips.

It was unfair how gorgeous and popular Jimmy was.

It made you question why he chose someone like you.

A little asocial introvert with her passion for sea at night and collecting shells.

And sometimes insecurity just got the best of you.

You usually tried to hang out with Jimmy’s friends, both to keep an eye out on your boy and both to try to spend time together doing what Jimmy wanted, since although Fridays usually were his thing to choose, you had all the weekend to decide.

That Friday you hadn’t just felt like going out, the gym lesson had kicked your ass and a meeting with your friends had completely drained all your social energies and in the end had felt like going out with Jimmy would have just ruined your mood.

But you didn’t know it could be ruined further, as you scrolled through the stories, coming up with one from a girl of your high school, Heather, Jimmy’s ex-girlfriend, although they had spent simply a date together.

In the small video there was what looked like an idiotic game of pressing the cards between your lips and passing them, innocent enough, hadn’t Heather accidentally dropped it and proceeded to enact the punishment for such a gesture, on the boy to her side.

Kissing Jimmy on the lips.

He looked flustered and even protested, pushing away the girl without too much attention for her as she tried to deepen the kiss, mumbling embarrassed ‘I have a girlfriend’.

But you quickly closed the app, after that, too shocked to mumble anything or to even feel anything, you just threw the phone away across the room and gently collected yourself, pushing your crossed arms onto your chest as your legs came closer to you, in a fetal position in which you felt frozen.

Tears flew down your cheeks and you couldn’t help but try to choke back a few sobs, well aware of your parents in the next room, and as your mother came to check on you before she went out to a theatre piece with your father, you faked of being asleep, snoring lightly.

Alone it all felt even worse, your entire body overthinking, unable to think about anything else than what you saw as it conjured imagines of Jimmy cheating on you with Heather, and although you couldn’t help but feel irrational, the thoughts didn’t stop.

Eventually you tired yourself out, enough to fall in a deep slumber and were woken up by rocks being thrown at your window, with enough force that you felt almost under attack, immediately dragging your body under the bed as you tried to understand whether an earthquake was going on or… somebody was seriously throwing rocks at your window.

And there was actually somebody who was throwing rocks at your window.

You came at the window, thinking about the extreme remote option that your parents had forgotten keys, as your phone again flashed a message, Jim’s name on it.

‘Hey, can I come over? The party is boring’.

‘Miss you’.

‘Babe, is everything alright?’.

‘Don’t ignore me babe’.

‘Ok I am coming over’.

‘(Y/N) why don’t you answer my calls?’.

‘Baaaaabbbbeeee’.

You couldn’t help but blush at the messages, your heart being comforted by your boyfriend’s childish antics.

But was he still your boyfriend?

You couldn’t help but feel a pang of pain in your chest, but still came to the window more to actually get the boy from under your house, worried that your neighbors might call the police on him.

You answered the incoming calls that he started as he saw you standing at the window.

“Hi” you answered breathily, and you could see his smirk from all the way up there.

“Hey Juliet” he beamed at you “… can I come inside? Your parents aren’t home, right?”.

You wanted to reject him, maybe to make him understand what you constantly felt when he would pull you aside for his friends, but that wouldn’t have been very grown up, and as much as you didn’t feel like staying with him, you felt like pushing him away might make him run further away from you.

But he could already feel that something wasn’t ok, as you came to open the door for him.

He could probably feel that you were cold and pushed him away at any chance you could, as you both sat down on the sofa comfortably separated by a wall of pillow.

Still Jimmy tried to brighten the atmosphere talking about the party.

‘… and Ethan has this new trick, you should have seen him’ but your gaze was unfocused, but he tried to keep it on, thinking you were solely annoyed or tired ‘… and then Heather…’.

“… oh, I saw that you had fun with Heather” it came out of your mouth quicker than you had thought, and you couldn’t eat back, surprised by your own outburst.

Jimmy stilled beside you and then slowly turned to you, surprised by your outburst as you adjusted yourself to face away from him, as you faked not having said anything.

But Jimmy didn’t let you down that easily.

“How do you know?” the way he immediately went on the defensive said got on your nerves.

“Instagram, I saw her stories! Thank God that I did, or you wouldn’t have ever talked about it”.

“What?! No! I would have, but I didn’t think… I didn’t want to kiss her”.

“But you did!” this was all you could say, turning to him with all the anger and jealous you had always held back “… you let her kiss you! Not only when I was away… and not seeing you, but…”.

“It was a stupid game!” he replied, and you had enough, immediately raising yourself up on your legs.

“Isn’t that what our entire relationship is to you!” you shouted back and then before he could reply you ran away, your anger getting the best of you, although you were well aware you were acting immaturely.

You pushed the door against your back, to close it, slumping against it as you felt tears flowing on your face, hiding it between your knees as your lungs screamed in pain through the sobs.

It was all too noisy, enough to make you almost unable to hear Jim coming onto your stairs, slowly and almost with uncertainty, knocking without too much conviction, trying till it got to you attention and his voice spoke softly.

“(Y/N)… I… don’t meant to… can we talk?”.

“Go away, Jimmy! Can’t you see I don’t want to talk with you?”.

“(Y/N)” this time his tone was uncertain anymore, it was desperate, roughing up its edges “… please… you don’t have to open, just listen to me”.

You wanted nothing more than to shout at him against, but something in his words froze you and his silence was an answer enough for him.

“… I didn’t mean to kiss Heather, I know that I can’t convince you of this, but believe me I didn’t want her, I don’t want her, and I never will love her”.

Your sobs lightly stopped, as you calmed down, hearing his words but you were still weary.

“… I… didn’t like being at that party, I don’t like it when we aren’t together, it physically pains me” he was now slumped against the door exactly like you, his tone lightly growing more quiet and shier “… I… was gloated into doing it…”.

“Oh, wait did they hold a gun to your head?” you asked annoyedly, but your tone wasn’t as angry as it was before.

“You know what I meant” he mumbled, and you felt him turning with his face to the door, as if he could whisper the rest of this thoughts against the wood “…I don’t know what I would be without you, you are the only person with who I can feel myself, truly, without drugs or alcohol, you are the only reason why I am still here, and I’ll be for ever damned if I just let you run away, because I did a stupid thing”.

Silence went through you, as you moved closer to the door, desperately trying to destroy the barriers that were between you and him, but at the same time unsure if your heart could take another painful hit.

“… although I know that you might not believe it, I love you more than anything and to know you so hurt, it pains my own heart” his hand gently set itself up on the wooden door, searching your skin, mimicking the same position of your hand “… and I won’t ever forgive myself if this is what breaks us apart”.

The door slightly opened, you didn’t show your face, but let your hands appear onto his threshold, your back turned to Jimmy, but he reached out for your hand all the same.

Maybe all the heartache of the world was worthy with him.

[rafivadafreddy]

I Wonder

A Rafael Barba and Amelia ‘Emma’ Herrera Story.

Summery: Amelia ‘Emma’ broke up with Rafael when he was 18 and she was just 16. He left for Harvard and Emma left for Italy two years later when she graduated. Fast-forward Fourteen years when Emma and Rafael run into each other again. Will there still be sparks between the two or have they both changed too much to be together again?

Not gonna be a long fic. Maybe just a few parts.

Word Count: 2,027

Warnings: Uhm. Cursing?(Is that even a warning? Who doesn’t curse.) Spanish... Italian. I don’t know

"Rafi! Don't you understand! I'm doing this because I care about you!" Emma begged the man to understand. "You got a scholarship to Harvard! I still have two years of school left. You should go and enjoy your full ride out of this place!" she cupped his cheeks with her hands and brushed her thumbs under his eyes where she could see the tears forming. Heck, Emma had to force herself not to cry. She had to break up with Rafael, what could she offer him once he ups and leaves for Harvard? She was just a silly sixteen-year-old who was madly in love with him. Yet when she heard him talking to Eddie and Alex about refusing the offer to leave and find a college closer to home... because of her. She knew she had to stop him.

"Pero cariño. it's fine..."(wait sweetie) he tried to speak, but Emma covered his lips with her own one last time.

"Please... go be somebody in this life, Rafael. You deserve it, you worked way too hard for this scholarship to throw it away." She spoke quietly. "Besides, I'm not anywhere near as smart as you are. I'll be in a local college here in two years. Probably still trying to figure out what to do with my life. Not you though, you just go and be happy." Emma nodded before taking a step back away from Rafael. Turning to see her mother calling her down the street from their apartment building. Emma sighed and squeezed her eyes shut. 

"adiós mi amor..."(Goodbye my love.) she whispered before turning around and running home. Ignoring Rafael as he called after her. 

That summer, Amelia spent every day working and doing whatever she could to avoid Rafael. She couldn't confront him. She had gone to his graduation in secrecy. Only to leave in tears when she saw Yelina throw herself in his arms and kiss his cheek repeatedly. She should have known, Yelina was Rafael's age, they were both gorgeous and smart. Why wouldn't Rafael want to be with someone like her? Why he kept trying to talk to Amelia was beyond her. Amelia only knew that she wasn't about to fall for his words.

By the time school was back, Emma focused on her schoolwork, even starting to do theater. Becoming a star student quickly, earning the leading roles, and ending up having an amazing rest of the school year. Eddie Garcia would come to each show of hers, supporting the young girl. The two, after Rafael left, became close friends. Especially when Eddie found out that Amelia's mother had a new boyfriend who paid close attention to Emma. So, Eddie would always be over and acting as he was her boyfriend. Right until her graduation came and her grandmother handed Amelia a plane ticket with a smile.

"Go see the world niña..."(Little girl) she said and when Emma saw it was a one-way ticket to Italy. She nodded and hugged her grandmother.

A week later, standing at the airport with Eddie. Her luggage already having been handed off. She hugged the man who kept her safe for the last two years. Kissing his cheek, Emma was off with a backpack over her shoulders heading to her gate. Ready for an adventure.

As she sat in the seat of the plane, watching out the small window. A tear rolling down her cheek, she softly sang under her breath. "I wonder, it's frightening... Leaving now, is that the right thing? I wonder, it scares me, but who the hell am I if I don't even try... I'm not a coward. Oh no, I'll be strong." 

✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼

For the first two years, Amelia worked night and day to learn the language and live comfortably in a neighborhood in Verona called Valdonega. A cute little place that was still a nice walking distance from the city center. Enrolling in college, doing what she needed, Emma went for her Doctors degree. Working at cafes and restaurants to pay for everything. Along with the help from her grandma now and then.

Emma loved her life. As the years passed, she graduated and soon went to medical school and got her doctors degree in pediatrics. Finding a steady job at a hospital where she could use both her English and Italian, even her Spanish every now and again for her three year pediatrics residency. Emma just enjoyed life. Going to the Theater with her friends, working or just staying home in her little apartment. Things were going amazingly for the girl who came all the way from the Bronx. When nine years slowly passed, and Emma found herself celebrating her Thirtieth birthday with a few friends. That's when she knew what she had to do. Breaking the news of her move after one stressful shift. Emma was heading back home. Back to New York. She had done everything she needed to do to complete her pediatrics training. Now was the right time to move on.

Eddie had been excited when she emailed him two days back, the two never lost contact over the years. He even joked about her getting there in time for his wedding, something she would try to do. 

It took two weeks to sort everything out. But soon enough Amelia was on a plane heading back to New York. Back to the Bronx where a room was waiting for her at her grandmother's apartment. After Twenty-Four hours of flying and making connecting flights. Emma was sure she looked like crap when finally grabbing her luggage and heading out of the airport. She only smiled when she saw a familiar face. 

"Ciao Eddie! Come te la passi?"(Hi Eddie! How are you doing?) she grinned as she spoke Italian with the man. Who didn't look one bit bothered at all. Instead of replying, Eddie hugged Emma tightly. 

During the car ride to the Bronx, the two friends chatted. About her life in Italy, how she had a slight accent. Eddie even teasing Emma on not knowing anymore Spanish. Which earned him a punch in the arm. Amelia learned about Yelina's cheating on Rafael with Alex, during the whole relationship. Then the wedding that took place a year after the breakup. Not that Emma commented on those facts very much. What could she say? It’s been over ten years since she spoke to Rafael. Emma honestly doubted he wanted anything to do with her. Not that she would blame him. His first girlfriend dumps him -even though it was for his good- and ghosts him. His next girlfriend cheats on him with his best friend four months into their relationship of almost a year and a half and then dumps him. 

Looking out the window, Emma just bit her lip. Knowing full well she couldn't stay long at the Bronx. She would find a job at a hospital, having a bachelor's degree in nursing, and experience working in a hospital from her time in Verona. Emma was certain she could do it. 

After Eddie's wedding, something she was shocked to not see Rafael at. She soon found herself working at Bellevue at the Pediatrician ward and the E.R. After her move to Manhattan, away from the Bronx. Even though it was her home, she was just not used to it anymore. Living in a cute apartment with a roommate who Emma got along with right off the bat. Life was going great. Never realizing that every now and then a certain Cuban, green-eyed man would pass her by on the streets. But one never saw the other.

✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼

Before Emma knew it, four years had passed since moving back to New York. One cold November morning, while standing in line at a coffee shop while texting Eddie. Waiting for the line to move, except some people just never know what they want. Causing Emma to curse and lookup. It was Seven in the morning and she had just gotten off a thirty-three-hour shift from the ER that was non-stop thanks to the huge accident that happened the night before. Amelia felt as if she would fall asleep then and there. Only ‘cause she worked an extra three hours.

"Oh, come on... " she rolled her head back and felt her neck pop. Answering her phone when it rang, the girl sighed. "Eddie Garcia! Stop calling me! I'm cranky, sleepy, and still in my scrubs, and its fucking freezing outside!" she snapped once she heard the man on the other end of the call laugh. "Tu Hijo de puta! Call me again and I won't babysit your spawn."(You son of a bitch!) Emma added, feeling a headache come on and she just sighed. Finally stepping forward and placed in her coffee order and asking for a deli sub. All while Eddie was telling her about the party for his son next and that she had to go. Emma agreed to before hanging up and waiting for her order. 

"Amelia Herrera?" a voice spoke next to her, sounding shocked. Emma already knowing that it wasn't her order being called out. Mostly because she was certain she didn't give her last name. So, turning on her heel, her eyes almost bugged out when she saw him standing there.

"Rafael Barba..." she said quietly, "Figlio di puttana..."(Son of a bitch.) she added and smiled slightly. "Ha sido un tiempo..."(It's been a while.) she frowned, thinking about how it's been around sixteen years since she’s had last seen him.

The two just stared at each other, not sure what to say. When her coffee and sandwich was handed off to her, Amelia thanked the guy and turned back to see Rafael. Taking him in. The fancy suit, briefcase in hand, hell she could practically feel the authority and sense of purpose just by the way he stood. Emma suddenly feeling very self-conscious. Knowing damn well her hair looked like a bird’s nest and her nurse’s scrubs were dirty from her shift. She had forgotten to bring a second pair of clothes when she got into work the night before.

“Yeah, it has been a while.” She heard Rafael speak after what seemed like an eternity. “You look… interesting. New look?” he said, looking her over with a smirk. Causing Emma to let out a snort.

“Oh yeah, what do you think? Think I can pull off this messy nurse look?” she said sarcastically, grinning at the man in front of her.

“I think you should maybe try another look. This one does nothing for your appearance.” He chuckled softly, “I have to get going… but we should meet for coffee... or lunch and catch up some time?” he offered and Amelia bit down on her lip before nodding.

Handing over her phone so he could add his number, Amelia watched as Rafael called his own number, so he’d have her number as well. Smiling as she was handed her phone back. Emma pocketed the device and picked up her bag and coffee. Taking a sip. She nodded.

“Right… so I’ll text you? Or… you’ll text me?” she laughed softly and ran a hand through her hair and drank more of her coffee.

After the slightly awkward goodbye, Emma dashed out of the coffee shop and walked down the sidewalk. Heading to her apartment building. As soon as she arrived, Emma ate her sub and drowned the rest of the coffee before going to shower. It was nearing Eight in the morning when Emma finally laid in her bed and slept. Waking up hours later, Emma glared at the time that read it was past Five already in the evening. Sitting up and seeing her phone notifying her she had a message. Emma grabbed it off the charger and checked out who messaged her. Smiling, she leaned against her beds headboard and messaged back. Agreeing to meet up for drinks, Emma laid back in bed and decided to sleep another hour. Setting her alarm, she closed her eyes and easily fell back asleep.

chapter two

[httphonsool]

red velvet cookies

synopsis; in which you would love to stop loving min yoongi, but those damned red velvet cookies are not helping

word count: 5, 127

time taken: 5 hours

warnings: angst, heartache, unrequited love I suppose, roommate!Yoongi, Student!Yoongi, I suppose there’s some Fboy!Yoongi if you wanna think about it like that and there’s implied smut so beware aha

notes;Okay, so this took me like five hours from yesterday and today altogether and I guess I’m happy with the result, lemme know what you think and feel free to suggest ideas for more imagines/one-shots/short series :)))

I’ll try and make a masterlist or something to keep up with all the fics

-

It was never soft with him, no, interacting with this man had always been blunt and harsh as if you were treading on fragile ice, just waiting for things to come crashing down around you, at certain times you felt like the tension was building up; maybe today was the day it would all blow up, after all, the relationship the two of you had built throughout the year and six months you had been living together was insecure, vulnerable, the little interaction between the two of you precious and unreliable, yet you still yearned for more, though you knew what you wanted would not be given to you; that you were being selfish and greedy, you knew should have respected it for what it was, but the heart always wants more, you couldn’t blame your heart for that, right?

All you wanted was to have a…stronger relationship with this man, you wanted the precious, fragile interactions to grow with this man- this man that was strange, a mystery to the naked eye, a man who you would only know if you were around him more than often, and thank God you could say that you were around him more than anyone else, this man had mastered the act of hating you, precisely just because he did, and it hurt more than anything to know that.

He would come back from classes (He’s majoring in Music Production, another beautiful reason you want him closer to you), completely ignoring you all the while, even when you said hello and asked him how his day had been, especially when you ask him how his day’s been, all you want is for him to complain about his day to you God, you would give anything, anything to listen to his voice, his soothing voice.

His voice, that deserves millions and billions of poems and literature written about it on its own, to you: it’s perfection, it calms you; reminds you of how the waves crash on rocks, listening to it makes you giddy like a high school girl, makes you feel like you’re floating in clouds, like you’re frolicking through a meadow with the love of your life. His voice brings you comfort, more comfort than any Ben and Jerry’s Cookie Dough ice cream could ever bring you. My God, you remember the first time you heard him laugh, yet it wasn’t because of you, no, how could it? No, it was that stupid, dumb, sorority girl: you were sitting on the couch binge-watching Teen Wolf (because who doesn’t love Stiles Stilinski, Dylan O’Brien was hot), he came in with his dear old Stephanie into your slightly spacious apartment which somehow you’ve managed to afford, she made some dumb joke about you about how she honestly doesn’t know how he manages to live with you because you disgust him and he laughed, very hard, he laughed because he was drowning in the way this Becky girl was basically made for him, had the same sense of humour, perfect in looks (whereas you disgusted him for some reason) and you were drowning because your heart wrenched, no, it ached because this, for you, confirmed you’d never be able to make him happy like that, for God’s sake he didn’t even like you, he thought you were disgusting, the definition of disgusting, as good old Stephanie had said. You couldn’t be mad at him though, how could you? How could you when that laugh gave you life? Dragged you out of your darkest nightmare, filled you with pure joy on your worst day? Though, you still felt like complete and utter shit due to her comment, all was made better when you found several tubs of Ben and Jerry’s Cookie Dough ice cream in the freezer, you didn’t know whether Yoongi had brought it for himself (you assumed he had) or whether it was for you, because you had been crying earlier in your room, although, you were hoping no one had heard you as you had been embarrassed enough in the moment, you took the ice cream anyway because even if it made Yoongi angry that you stole what was his, at least he would notice you, at least he would acknowledge you for the first time in weeks.

☆

The second time you heard him laugh was when he was talking to his mother, ah, his mother, at least she acknowledged you, you remember the first time she met you whilst visiting her beloved Yoongi, she had brought you red velvet cookies, your favourite, you didn’t know whether she knew those were your favourite but it did make you feel as if you were loved for once, since Yoongi wasn’t capable of loving someone like you, and God damn, those cookies were better than the store bought ones you always got, after a while, his mother’s visits became more frequent and not only for her son, but for you too, your frequent ‘Mrs. Min’ became ‘Eomma,’ because she felt that you were basically her child at this point, and you were hoping, praying, begging that this would maybe also bring you closer to this Min Yoongi man that had claimed your heart- no, had claimed soul, your heart and your body and mind completely and utterly because of the way he acted around others, it may not have been healthy but it was the whole truth, one that would always haunt you.

You don’t know when you fell for him, to be honest you didn’t want to, your entire life you were trying to best to stay away from boys. In your mind, all they did was cause trouble: you’d seen countless women in your life crying because a man had broken their heart, you remember seeing your best friend, your best friend, a girl whom you’d known for almost your whole life, crying because her boyfriend had cheated on her, she claimed she loved him, poor soul thought it was her fault, that it was because she wasn’t good enough and you never understood that until you met Yoongi, sure you dated other guys, but you never dated someone for longer than a month, claiming they’ll break your heart, which is a joke now that you look at how long you’ve been living with Yoongi, how long you’ve been pining after him with love that you cannot even begin to describe.

☆

You don’t know what it was or how it started, maybe it was the way he was so warm to his friends, the way he would take care of them, often letting them sleep over if they were drunk or inviting them over and cooking for them just because they hadn’t eaten, maybe it was the way he would take to his mother every night before bed and laugh and talk to her with so much respect and love, maybe it was the small things he did: how he would leave a painkiller somewhere near you every single time you complained about your headache or any pain in general, or like how sometimes you and your friend would go out and get drunk (usually you would drink with the pain of loving Yoongi on your mind) and you would wake up with hangover shots by your bedside, or like the time you fell asleep crying on the couch and you woke up in your bed comfortably tucked in, but no, oh God no, don’t mistake those small gestures for his care, no he does that because he’s a good person, you know that, you know he probably does it for all the girls he’s dated (there’s a lot of them, and that proves he’s more than capable of loving anyone except you, and that really fricken hurts).

Maybe that’s why you’re sitting in front of him on the kitchen counter right now, observing him as he eats.

“Hey,” You smile at him; you know there won’t be a reply, at least not one longer than a second. He briefly looks into your eyes, a stone hard expression blooming on his face.

“How was your day?” You ask, honestly, why do you bother? Oh, right, because you’re in love with him.

Stupid girl, still trying for him even after all this time, you think.

“It was okay,” Hold on a minute, you think you just made history; he’s actually talking to you.

Maybe it was just a really good day, your thoughts wander.

“Was class fun?” You ask hesitantly, you could cut the tension with a knife at this point, all parties could feel it. You don’t get a reply this time, but you’re satisfied with the fact that he ever replied at all.

You still can’t comprehend how you could love him this much, how you could bend your back, break your bones for a man who has the capability to love anyone but you, you still can’t comprehend why you still make him breakfast when you’re leaving early for class, why you still bake red velvet cookies (his mother gave you the recipe) and make loads of extras for him because all of a sudden since you first met his mother it became his favourite as well (at least, that’s according to his mother), you can’t comprehend why you still make him lunch and dinner while he’s out, why you’re always playing with his dog because sometimes Yoongi is busy out somewhere (you don’t know where, you never know where) maybe with a girl, and his dog needs the attention, you do it because you love him, also because you love his dog, Holly, but you’ve come to realise Min Holly and Min Yoongi have claimed your heart completely, clutching it with a grasp that was squeezing the life out of you because my God did you love Yoongi, and at times you wish you had never even spared a glance at him, that you had ignored him and taken up the offer of the date that a male friend of yours had offered, because ignoring people seems to be working out fricking amazingly for him.

So now, as you sit on your bed after the hopeful kitchen situation, you can’t help but think about how screwed you are, because today marks a year and six months of living with Yoongi and yet you’re still not done with him, not over him like you wish you would be, but wait- there was a way was there not? You had been offered a date the other night with one of your close guy friends: turns out he’d liked you for almost a year now and oh how you wished you had just fallen for him instead and not Goddamn Yoongi, but it’s okay because you told him you’d get back to him.

And get back to him you will.

“Hey, Baekhyun? I don’t know if you remembered but…”

☆

You’re standing in front of Yoongi’s bedroom door, ready to tell him you’ll be out for the night and to tell him that he needs to wash the dishes while you’re out because you’ll be staying out late, of course, he doesn’t need to know you’re going on a date, but for some reason you just want this to be your last attempt at him, you want him to be bothered by the fact that you’re on a date, you want him to stop you from going on that date, of course, you know it’s ridiculous, because Min Yoongi doesn’t like girls like you, actually no that’s wrong; Min Yoongi doesn’t like you, as in you specifically. You turn the door handle, the ice cold material burning a hole through your hands, your whole body shaking at the sight of him because WOW Min Yoongi was so beautiful it was angelic, his perfect silver hair balanced and rooted on his head, his golden skin glistening in the dim glow of his ceiling light, his eyes, usually stone cold when he stares at you but right now as he’s working on some kind of song with headphones in a small smile planted on his face, he looks content- something you could never, and I mean never make him, because remember: Min Yoongi, doesn’t like you, as in you specifically.

He can feel your stare on him burning holes through his head, and you swear you’ve never seen him whip his neck to look at you that quick.

“What is it?” He asks, wow, look at that he speaks once more; you smile as you reflect on it.

“I just wanted to let you know I was going on a date, so would you mind doing the dishes because I’ll probably be out late,” you answer hesitantly.

Nothing, he says nothing, he just nods and turns away, and you’ve never felt shittier than you do now because damn, not even you going on a date all prettied up can make him interested in you, and that’s when you know for sure: Min Yoongi really doesn’t care about you, and that was the final stab in the gut, except the stab came with pain, absolutely excruciating pain as if you had broken your ribs and shattered your collar bones but multiply that by a million.

Min Yoongi doesn’t love you back, and he never will.

☆

Your date wasn’t special, it wasn’t even close to being good, maybe it was because you were still wholly devoted to loving Yoongi who you just couldn’t get rid of, Min Yoongi was like the annoying piece of gum that sticks to the back of your shoe and takes a while to get off, the only difference is he won’t fricking get off, and you’re tired of it, because you could have moved on with beautiful Baekhyun, Baekhyun who claimed to have liked you for almost a year, Baekhyun who could have loved you and cherished you more than Yoongi ever could, because Baekhyun was showing you that he liked you, loved you even, but if Yoongi didn’t love you, could anyone, really?

You didn’t know what it was, why it was, even, but the whole mood was off the entire night, it wasn’t Baekhyun’s fault no, no, it was Yoongi’s, because the entire time you’d been talking to Baekhyun, all you’d been thinking about was Yoongi’s gummy, wholesome smile, how Baekhyun could never compare to him, because Yoongi was Yoongi, Yoongi was the man you were in love with, the man you would break yourself for because you just loved him that much even though you really, truly wish you didn’t, but the heart wants what it wants, and your heart really, really wants Yoongi.

But now, this date had brewed up a new emotion inside of you: anger. You were angry because of your inability to stop loving Yoongi, you were angry because Yoongi always would and always will occupy your thoughts when he’s not around, angry because why, why couldn’t you move on? You thought this would work, that maybe Baekhyun could shift the entire centre of your world, you thought maybe he was the trigger you needed to pull to finally be able to move on, apparently not so because even after a date with Baekhyun at some fancy restaurant where you did fancy things like drink wine and talk about your day (something you never did with Yoongi, because Yoongi didn’t care), you were still deep down the rabbit hole which was named Loving Yoongi, because that man had claimed you whether you wanted it or not, whether he cared or not, you were in love.

And, boy, you really wish you weren’t.

☆

So now, as you stand outside your apartment door as Baekhyun kisses your cheek and wishes you a good night, you can’t help but wish that maybe… just maybe Yoongi will talk to you about it, maybe there was still a chance, though you know that there was absolutely no chance of you and Yoongi at this point, but the alcohol you’ve consumed throughout the night is blurring your thoughts and even though it was only three glasses of wine you can’t help but not think straight, and unfortunately the alcohol acts for you when you walk in and see Yoongi surrounded by empty bottles of alcohol, eyes rimmed with red, tears streaking his cheeks whilst holding an almost empty bottle of wine and the first thing you want to do is run forwards and cradle your poor baby in your arms even though you know you shouldn’t because he won’t want that but, surprisingly, as your drunken state forces you to take him into your arms and stroke your hands through his hair, his soft, luscious hair, he easily complies, letting you take him in, sobs wracking his body whilst your heart wrenches and God, you felt selfish to even think of it because your baby was hurting so much but you think you’re hurting more than him because it’s like someone’s just twisted a knife in your gut but worse. So, hushed whispers are exchanged along with words of support because he’s Yoongi, your Yoongi, and you’re in love with him and you just want to help.

“Di-did you have fun?” He’s still crying and his usual soothing voice that brings you comfort is now bringing you pain,

“God, it doesn’t matter, what’s wrong, please tell me,” You’re crying now too, because seeing the man you’re in love with, seeing your Min Yoongi, the man that barely ever smiles at you, crying is making you hurt more than any other action he’s done.

“I hope you had fun, ___, and I’m sorry, you told me to do the dishes but I-I haven’t, I’m sorry,” His sobs get louder with each words and your heart is aching, no, it’s shattering because your boy is crying, he’s broken and drunk and you’ve never seen him like this, and it’s terrifying you to death.

“Yoongi,” you whisper softly into his ear, “I don’t care about the dishes, I care about you, you stupid boy, I’ve always cared about you, wasn’t it obvious?” Your head’s telling you shouldn’t be saying this, you know you shouldn’t but here you are still spilling your guts out to him, whilst he’s drunk, I mean it’s not bad, at least this way maybe he’ll forget it, ha, if only you knew.

“___, I can’t seem to do anything right,” He’s stopped crying now, now there are just silent tears trickling down his beautiful, angelic face, “I try my best for you, ___, I buy you that Cookie Dough Ice Cream when I know you’re down, and I hate to tell you because I know you love her but my mother doesn’t always make you the red velvet cookies you love so much, no, the last few times, I was the one that made them because I know how much you love them, and God, I love them too now because I feel like that’s the only part of you I deserve to have, you always make me extras and it always manages to make me happy, but I can’t even say thank you to you for it because then I’ll get attached t-to you, to be honest I’m already addicted to you, but I can’t get deeper than I already am, I know that, but I’m such a fuck up, I don’t even deserve to be within three meters of you, I always used to tell my mother about you, you know? She wanted to hear about the girl who had me acting like I was fifteen again, and-and you know all those girls I brought around, well they were just to prove that I was capable of loving someone, but yet you still don’t want me, no, you want that guy that obviously treats you right, I mean, I don’t blame you, I deserve this,” My god, wasn’t that a shock, yet even after all of that all your brain could do was-

“I love you, Min Yoongi.”

And that’s what started it; the moment his lips met yours it was like being stuck in the middle of a fire, you wouldn’t say you felt fireworks like they do in every cliché romance novel because you knew even in your drunken state that it was better than fireworks, of course, no, this was like a bomb filled with passion and pure bliss and exploded in your body, he tasted like alcohol and cinnamon and sugar and all the sweet, blissful things in the world, he tasted like something you had been missing your entire life: the secret ingredient to your recipe you called unrequited love, he penetrated your senses until you couldn’t breathe anymore, you were drunk, yes, but even more drunk and high off of him. Things escalate fast, so fast that the next thing you know is that you’re making out with Min Yoongi, the man you love the Man you will always love, and then he’s slipping off your dress, leaving not much else to the imagination, pulling off your panties and-

“I want to lose my virginity to you,” you spill out.

“Are you sure?” He asks, “We can stop, don’t feel forced,”

“Yes,” Ha, should’ve said no.

☆

When you wake up the next morning he’s gone, you don’t remember much of the night, just the important parts, like how you’re no longer a virgin, and most definitely do you remember that you lost it to Min Yoongi, but now he’s gone, the place beside you where you were one thousand percent sure he slept was now cold, your blood curdles, because before you felt angry, angry at Min Yoongi for capturing your heart, but now? Now you just feel like a whore.

He doesn’t care about you, remember?

Of course, this was your fault, you should have said no to him, but how could you? How could you ever say no to Min Yoongi? But you should have, because now you’re left with a hangover and no virginity with hangover shots on the bedside next to you (for God’s sake Min Yoongi, why couldn’t you be a complete asshole for once in your life and let you down completely) and the only thing you remember is coming back from a date with Baekhyun and sleeping with Yoongi, nothing more, nothing less, just those two things.

Hours pass and there’s no other sign of life in the apartment other than you, it feels cold without Yoongi, yet the heating has been turned all the way up, ha, just another reason to need him back, right?

Days pass and Yoongi isn’t back yet, there’s no sign of him and you’ve been skipping classes because you can’t deal with the emptiness in your heart, the hole in the shape of Min Yoongi expanding every time you thought of him.

Exactly a week later Yoongi’s back except he’s not alone, he’s with a girl and that’s the last straw for you, you’re done with it because you’d have thought that since he took your fucking virginity he would have at least talked to you about that but no, he decides that he should bring some girl back home, back home as in where he lives where surprisingly the girl who’s virginity he took also lived.

The girl was gorgeous, she was the exact opposite of you, and that’s how you were always reminded he would never want you, because he only likes girls that aren’t you, remember?

The night he comes back you find freshly baked red velvet cookies waiting on the counter along with good old Ben and Jerry’s Cookie Dough ice cream, something vague comes back to you, something about Mrs. Min not being the one that bakes the cookies…but that’s stupid, absolutely ridiculous, and you know that you’re just whipping up things in your head for no reason like usual, because the only person other than Mrs. Min who knows how to make red velvet cookies is you, because you love making them for yourself, of course, but you mainly made them because Min Yoongi loves red velvet cookies.

Red velvet cookies are sweet, they’re soft, vibrant and taste all the more brilliant, a bit like Yoongi, of course, he treated you like you were a bitch on heat, left you without a single word for a week after stealing your virginity, something so precious that you decided to give away in your intoxicated state, but now that you’ve had a taste of him you want him all the more.

You’ve come to realise that loving Min Yoongi is like eating red velvet cookies, you have them all the time; you love them yet you’re not sick of them, you just want more and more and more because you’re greedy like that, because you’re selfish and you know that, but it’s also his favourite as well as yours, maybe that’s why you’re still fucking stuck on it, but it’s the only part of him you know, so how could you? How could you just stop, it’s important for you and Min Yoongi whether you realise it or not you’re both connected by some stupid cookies that you both love, it sounds so stupid but you know it’s the only chance you have because you’ll only ever be his roommate, that’s all you are to him, all you are to the girls he brings around.

Weeks pass and you watch him bring around more and more girls every day, you don’t know what he hopes to achieve by it, maybe he just wants companionship, but you feel like you’re missing something, something you should know but you can’t quite grasp it, but as the days go on and on you realise he’s stopped his fuckboy routine and now there’s just one girl coming around every single day, and boy, if you thought he broke you before? Well, then, you’re absolutely shattered to pieces now, he seems to be serious about her, I mean, if he wasn’t she wouldn’t be coming around every single day would she? You wouldn’t be hearing her annoying, high-pitched voice, would you? You were so stupid to think that maybe he would stop his maniacal antic and actually talk to you, no, you were more than stupid. That’s what triggered the countless nights of crying and mental breakdowns, because you were so done with him, except you weren’t, you were a broken record, stuck on the same thing, the same man, over and over again because you couldn’t understand the fact that this was it, this was his way of telling you to fuck off, to stop trying, almost as if he was holding up two long middle fingers up at you every time you would hear him and her at night.

☆

00:53 a.m.

Here you are sitting on your bedroom floor and crying about your life, well to be exact Min Yoongi the man who had claimed your life, you’ve heard the door to your bedroom open but you don’t care at this point, you’re an absolute mess because you’ve really fucked yourself up, and how are you now going to fix it? Warmth spreads through your body at a simple touch on the small of your back, you know it’s him, you felt it before throughout the night you slept with him; you wanted to memorise every single print of him because it felt like you were living on borrowed time in that moment.

“___,” You hear him whisper.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, am I being too loud, I can go cry somewhere else if you need me to,” You cry out, sobs wracking your body, squirming and scrambling on the ground, rising to see an absolutely exhausted Min Yoongi behind you, holding a crumpled up piece of paper in his hand that he’d obviously tried to flatten, and you realise this is the most emotion he’s ever shown you directly whilst he’s sober and you feel like you’ve just earned the world, because to you that’s what he is, he’s your world.

“No, no, no, please don’t, I just, I heard you crying and I wanted to give you this, I thought you deserved to know, I thought maybe you could figure it out,” he passes you the crumpled up piece of paper, Red Velvet Cookies scrawled on the top in rushed handwriting. Looking down at the writing you realise they’re lyrics, lyrics about a girl who loves red velvet cookies, lyrics about a girl who he can’t stand the thought of living without, it confuses you, it truly does, because Min Yoongi doesn’t like you, as in you specifically remember?

“I know, I treated you like shit after we…you know, but I just wanted to let you know you’re always on my mind, though I told you that night and I’m not sure you even remember, it’s just I-” and then he’s kissing you, that same feeling of fiery passion burning in you, you can taste those stupid red velvet cookies on him, there’s no taste of alcohol this time much to your admiration, this is all him, and you can’t get enough of it, so you deepen the kiss, testing the surface waters, tasting the sweetness of him, the cinnamon and the sugar you remember tasting on him that night, and all of a sudden it’s all coming back to you, all of it, everything, the confession, the way he told you he loved you whilst saw the most intimate parts of you, everything and when you pull away, it’s like the most calming, satisfying aura of bliss settles over you both, leaning your forehead against his.

“I left you because I was scared, I thought you told me you loved me because you were drunk as well, and I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have slept with you whilst we were drunk, especially not when you were still a virgin-”

“Yoongi, I don’t regret it, I wanted it, even now, I don’t regret it, though I did regret when I thought you left me and you started bringing those girls around,” You told him.

“I’m sorry, I just wanted to prove-” you can see the tears building up in his eyes, pain covering his face.

“I love you,” you admit.

“Even after the way I treated you?” He asks

“Always,”

“I love you more than that,” His adorable gummy smile appearing.

“Not possible,” a small smile starts growing on your face.

“Very much so possible,” He pauses, a small giggle leaving his mouth, “Hey, ___, wanna eat some red velvet cookies?” ah, of course, the God darn cookies that now meant more to both of you.

“Of course,” You say.

[hawkinsschoolcounselor]

Will Byers: The Great Debate

I know I still have some requested analyses to do, but I’m in a rotten mood, and I need to vent.

This whole debate on Will and whether he is gay has me infuriated. Yeah, I know I’m heavily biased due to my identification with the character, but I’m still pissed. The assumption that Will isn’t gay until they explicit state it is solely based on heteronormativity. In pop culture, people are simply assumed straight until proven otherwise. It’s the reason why they were able to hoodwink everyone with Robin in the first place. With just a mention of her saying she was obsessed with Steve in high school, everyone assumed the two of them would be a thing by the end of the season. That was a totally acceptable assumption to make. Thinking Will is gay? No, they need to tell us that.

There are reasons to think Will is gay, and certainly more than the casual fan probably realizes. I will go over them here, not that I need to lecture anyone who actually reads this on the topic.

1) Will is stated as having sexual identity issues in the original character summary.

Let’s just get this one out of the way. Yeah, it’s not known to the average viewer, but it’s still valid. Sure, they could have since deviated from the original plan, and by itself it may mean nothing, but it’s supporting evidence.

2) Will is bullied for being gay.

This is another one that doesn’t mean anything by itself. Will is bullied for being gay by both his father and the local bully. They could have used any number of similar characteristics, but they went with gay. Will is small, sweet, and honest, so there’s possibilities like mama’s boy, sissy, etc that could have gotten a similar point across without bringing in sexuality. It’s not just a passing mention. It comes up when Joyce talks to Hopper, and he even asks if it’s true. Troy is an absolute monster as he twists the knife in Mike’s wound. Troy bullies the other three for cruel, but accurate, reasons. He mocks Lucas’ race, Dustin’s lack of teeth, and Mike’s face (Mike kinda got off easy if you ask me). Now Troy may or may not be correct, but he probably thinks he is. He digs into each character’s deepest insecurities. He exists to tell us this information. If Will’s sexuality is unimportant, then why have Troy bully him the same way Will’s own father did? Troy simply could have made fun of him for being poor.

3) Will is especially close to Mike

This is made clear in every season. Yeah, they’re best friends, but Will and Mike are depicted as special. From the very start, Will can’t bring himself to lie to Mike. Yeah, I know, you can excuse the whole “It was a 7.” thing as just him foreshadowing his ordeal, but why set it up with Lucas telling him it’s ok as long as Mike doesn’t know? Mike is similarly shown as close to Will, with him being the most concerned. Dustin and Lucas are clearly worried too, and upset when the body is found, but Mike is shown taking it the hardest. They’re telling us the two of them share something special. Season 2 doubles down on this  hard. Mike is the only one Will trusts with what’s happening to him. Mike is the only one he is shown remembering other than is mother. Mike is ultimately the one who breaks through to him. 

4) Will is extremely jealous when Mike and El get together.

I don’t know why this one is hard for people to see. Maybe they’re just not looking for it. Yeah, some of it is just some good, subtle acting. Will is upset every single time Mike is shown showing affection for El. It technically starts in the Season 2 script with Will’s eyes being on Mike as they were all dancing. I know I’ve seen a clip of Will glancing over and looking upset, but I don’t remember that from the actual release. Was that a deleted scene? If so, its removal is conspicuous, especially with that released script. The jealousy is still apparent throughout Season 3. The sad looks on Will’s face whenever Mike and El are together, when Mike says he loves her. The anger he shows towards Mike, and only Mike, despite Dustin and Lucas similarly being focused on girls. I know I’ve seen people say he smiles when El dumps Mike. I honestly can’t tell, but he does look away, suggesting he doesn’t want his reaction to be noticed.

5) Mike is able to evoke emotion in Will

For the most part, Will is a quiet kid. He’s soft-spoken and has an innocence about him. He has a little frustration in Season 2, due to people treating him differently (though he leaves Mike out of his accusations), but he’s generally a go with the flow guy. Mike has the power to calm Will, to cheer him up, and make him cry both good and bad tears. Even in Season 3, his D&D annoyance is a slow build. It’s ultimately Mike’s rejection that sets him off. It’s specifically the fact that he feels he’s losing Mike. They were building that frustration alongside the D&D the entire season to that point. Is it really that much of a stretch for D&D to be a metaphor here? He jabs Mike over El when Mike tries to apologize, accusing him of throwing everything away over a “stupid girl.” Now, this “stupid girl” is supposed to be a friend of his, one who has helped save him twice. Will looks around Castle Byers at a D&D book and a drawing of Will the Wise. Both are accompanied by flashbacks beginning with Mike’s voice. He tears up the photo from Halloween, the night of the Crazy Together moment, right down the middle where Mike and Will are depicted. Will ends up destroying Castle Byers, berating himself the entire time, before collapsing in anguish. Yeah, it can be open to interpretation, but it’s not hard to see that Will could be calling himself stupid for thinking he and Mike shared something special now that El is in the picture. I’d like the people who think Will just isn’t ready to grow up to explain to me why that scene felt more like a breakup than a friend fight.

6) Will seems relatively trauma-free

Now, this is actually an issue I have with the show, as Will, along with pretty much the entire cast, should be amazingly traumatized. I bring it up only to counter the idea that Will has lost a portion of his childhood to the Upside Down, and so he’s not ready to grow up. Will has lost about two weeks of his childhood. He showed some issues in Season 2 before getting possessed, but he’s also shown enjoying his childhood as well. Just because we rejoin his life when bad stuff returns to Hawkins it doesn’t mean he had no life in the interim. He didn’t spend every day since getting rescued from the Upside Down in a hospital or deprived of his friends. There’s honestly no reason why Eleven would be more ready for adolescence than Will. If anything, Will should be associating his trauma with D&D and avoiding it like the plague. It should be causing him post-traumatic stress. He should want to get as far away from reminders of what happened as possible. A game with mindflayers and demogorgons isn’t something he should want. He has a reason for wanting D&D, and it’s not that he’s still a kid inside, because he still had other interests before Season 3, like comics, drawing, and the arcade.

7) Will not liking girls doesn’t just mean he doesn’t like them yet

This is the other counter argument I’ve noticed: that Will just hasn’t matured to liking girls yet. While it’s not unbelievable for a boy his age to not start sexually maturing, there’s really no indication of this. He isn’t just uncomfortable dancing with the girl in Season 2, he flat out doesn’t want to do it. He also has no problem with Max joining them for Halloween, stating that Dustin and Lucas were excited about it so he ok’d it. He understands boys liking girls. He shows no real hostility towards Dustin or Lucas for it. When he tells Joyce he’s never going to fall in love, it doesn’t sound like a kid who finds the idea of dating gross. He sounds sad as he says it. When Mike says it’s not his fault Will doesn’t like girls, Will is stunned into silence. Now Mike doesn’t know if Will is gay, and Will may not really know either, but it cuts deep.

In conclusion

By no means is my interpretation definitely correct. I could be absolutely wrong. But why is my interpretation seen as ridiculous? My theory isn’t perfect, but I have evidence. I have rebuttals to alternate interpretations. If we’re not meant to think Will is gay, why does it seem like they keep giving us reasons to? If it’s not important, people from the show could easily just say so. Noah and Finn end up having to awkwardly respond to questions they may not even have the answers to. 

It’d be very strange if the Duffers and their team somehow painted themselves into a corner by accident. It’s possible, sure, but I don’t see how it could keep happening. Finn had said they had other takes of “It’s not my fault you don’t like girls!” including one that added “yet”, but stated that they ultimately went with the one in question. Well, I mean, they chose to go with that one. I don’t know why, but neither do the people saying Will is just immature. We speculate, and if I speculate that they went with that one because that’s the storyline they’re going for and are trying to keep it under wraps, then I should be allowed to do so without being scoffed at. I may be biased because of my bisexuality, but they’re also biased because of their heteronormativity. 

[amazingphanisnotonfire-imagines]

Jordan Connor//Lucky

Request: Reader has hiadradenitis supperativa. I have a distinct idea for an anxiety one with Jordan like you feeling not good enough while on set like dating for a few months and you not letting him see you unclothed cause of it or only with the lights off your shirt came off and you stopped him putting your shirt back on maybe your on set and you see Vanessa or soemthing in a bikini for a scene and get really weird about it and just go to his trailer or something or somehow he sees you in just a bra or soemthing

“Jordan.” You mumbled against his lips. 

“Hm.” He replied. 

“You’re gonna be called to set any minute.” You continued. 

“Well.” He pulled away from you properly. “We’re just gonna have to be quick.” He smirked and grabbed your hips. 

“Jordan!” You squealed and he giggled softly before kissing you again. He deepened the kiss and squeezed your hips harder making you wince slightly. 

“Sorry baby.” He pulled away from you quickly. 

“Its fine.” You reassured him and wrapped your arms around his neck, pulling him close to you again. 

“Do you wanna?” He asked with a wink and you rolled your eyes. 

“As long as its quick, and I don’t have to take my shirt off.” 

“Anything to make you comfortable baby.” He said sweetly while kissing up and down your neck. 

“How’d I get so lucky?” You wondered while you helped him take his shirt off. 

“I think I’m the lucky one.” He replied. 

“Jordan!” A knock on the door interrupted and you both sighed. 

“Maybe not that lucky.” He mumbled and you laughed . 

“Here.” You threw his shirt to him. 

“Thanks.” He said and quickly put it on before opening the door. 

“You’re needed on set.” One of the crew members were stood outside the door.

“Okay, thanks.” He smiled at them. 

“Hey Y/n.” They greeted you and you waved awkwardly. You were a fairly new couple, only dating for a few months, and you’d only been on set a couple of times, so you weren’t entirely sure how to act with the crew and other cast members. But they all seemed nice so that was good enough for you. They didn’t however know about your hiadradenitis supperativa. You’d only just told Jordan a couple of weeks ago, so you were trying to keep it from his co-workers for as long as possible. You didn’t need them judging you and the way you looked. 

“Lets go, before somebody gets mad.” He grumbled and you laughed at his pouting. 

“Awww, poor baby.” You teased and grabbed your jacket. 

“You’re gonna be too hot in that babe.” 

“I got a couple of new lumps on my neck and armpits.” You replied and he looked at you sympathetically. 

“Ah.” He replied. “Sorry.” 

“Its fine.” You shrugged. “You didn’t know.” 

“When we get home, I’ll help you put the gauze and stuff on them.”

“You don’t have to.” You shook your head. “Its gross.” 

“Its not gross. It’s part of you and you’re perfect so...there.” He argued and you rolled your eyes. 

“Come on.” You grabbed his hand and the two of you started to walk towards set. 

 Did you take your medication today?” 

“Yeah.” You replied and he nodded. “I almost forgot but then I saw the little note that you left with the smiley face and I remembered.” 

“And you told me it was stupid to leave notes.” 

“No, I told you it was stupid to leave notes on the TV telling me not to watch something because you wanted to watch it too.” 

“Thats not stupid. I was telling you that I wanted to watch something with you.” He argued. 

“Thats’s not the stupid bit. But when you leave the note on an A3 piece of paper, which by the way, where did you find, right in the middle of the TV, thats’s when it’s stupid.” You replied annoyed. 

“I ran out of little post-it notes.” He said in a defensive tone. 

“You could have just ripped a corner of that massive bit of paper.” 

“I was in a rush.” He replied. 

“You’re ridiculous.” 

“But you love me though.” He whispered in your ear and you tried (and failed) to keep the smile off your face. 

“Wellllll.” 

“You so love me.” He teased happily. “You can’t get enough of me. You want to marry me and have my babies.” 

“Oh yeah, and make our children suffer with the same thing that I have.” You replied sarcastically and his face fell. 

“That is highly unlikely. But even if they did have it, I wouldn’t love you or them any less. We’d just teach them how to manage it, like you taught yourself and then me. And we’d make them feel as important and perfect as they would be. Just like I do with you.” He kissed your forehead softly and you smiled. 

“Thank you.” 

“For what?” 

“For putting up with me.” You replied sadly, and looked at the ground.

“I don’t put up with you baby.” He hooked his finger under your chin and lifted it so you could look at him. “I love you. And I want to be with you, not matter what.” 

“You love me?” 

“Of course.” He replied and kissed you.

“I love you too.” You replied.

“Well thats good then isn’t it.” He said. “Now, I’m gonna go act and be incredibly sexy, so sexy in fact that as soon as I stop, you’re gonna want to sleep with me then and there.” 

“Oh, I can’t wait.” You teased. “I can barely contain myself.” 

“Damn right you can’t.” He winked and the two of you laughed before he walked in front of the camera. 

“Y/n!” Drew greeted you happily. “Has he forced you to come along again?” He asked and you laughed. 

“No, I’m here by choice.” You replied. “Suprisinly.” 

“I know why you’re here really.” 

“Why?” You asked, waiting for his ridiculous response. 

“Because you’re secretly in love with me and being here is the only way you can be close to me.” He joked and you nodded. 

“Oh, of course. Is it really that obvious?” You continued the joke. “I don’t want Jordan to find out.” 

“Its okay baby. He won’t. We just have to be careful.” He winked and you laughed. 

“Drew! Stop flirting with my girl and get your ass over here.” Jordan shouted and the two of you laughed loudly. 

“Are you trying to steal his girlfriend?” Vanessa asked as she walked passed. 

“V, I’m not stealing anyone, she’s choosing me over that giant.” He replied and Jordan looked at you sadly. 

“Awww, baby. I love how tall you are. Its cute.” You reassured Jordan and he started to blush. 

“Awwwwww.” Vanessa and Drew teased. “He’s blushing.” 

“Shut up guys. You have a job to do.” 

“Whatever.” They replied and made their way towards him. Vanessa took off the dressing gown she was wearing, revealing the bikini underneath, and you couldn’t stop the sharp pain that shot through your chest. It was only now that you noticed the majority of the girls, main cast and extra’s where wearing bikini’s or swimsuits. And that made you feel really small. All these beautiful girls had bikini’s on that you’d never be able to wear in a million years. They looked happy and confident within themselves, and everything you weren’t. 

You couldn’t stay here, not with all these woman around. If you stayed you would cry and you didn’t want that. You didn’t want everybody to see you break down because of something wrong with you. You took a quick glance at Jordan to see he was distracted by something Drew was telling him and decided now was your time to escape back to his trailer. 

----------

You’d managed to escape back to the trailers unnoticed and as soon as you walked in you broke down. Why did you have to have this? Why you? Why couldn’t it have been somebody else. Somebody else could deal with this and you could feel pretty and confident for the first time in god knows how long. Even if you just swapped with someone else for a day. You just wanted to feel confident for a day. Thats’s all. Was that too much to ask?

“Y/n?” Jordan’s voice was full of concern as he entered the trailer. How long had you been in here for? You wondered. “Are you okay?” He asked and you looked at him. “Baby.” His voice was full of sadness once he noticed your tear stained face and he quickly sat beside you, pulling you softly into his side. “What’s wrong? You disappeared when we were filming. Is my acting really that bad?” He asked, trying to lighten the mood. 

“No.” You shook your head. “You were great. You always are.” 

“So what happened then? You were happy before I left, I told you I loved you and everything.” 

“I know. I’m sorry. I ruined your day.” 

“Baby you didn’t ruin anything. Just tell me what’s wrong.” 

“It was all the girls in their bikini’s.” You sighed. 

“Okay?” 

“Well they all looked so pretty and confident in the swimsuits. Something I’m never gonna feel. They literally have everything on display that I can’t. And its just unfair.” 

“I know baby.” He squeezed you gently, making sure not to hurt you. “But I think you’d look hot as fuck in a bikini, or anything. And one day I’m gonna make you feel so pretty that you won’t be afraid to show your body off, even if it’s just around me. It may not be fair, but I think its meant to be. Because I love you even more with it.” 

“Why?” You scoffed.

“Because you handle it with such grace. And you manage it amazingly, even when it is a pain. It shows that you’re badass and brave and just the most amazing person I have ever met.” 

“Jorda-” 

“Shhhhh.” He interrupted you. “And its okay to be upset about it but there’s always a way to fix it, even if its just a little bit. So when we go home, I’m gonna google websites that make swimwear specifically for people with it, and if not, I’ll learn how to sew and I’ll make you your own.” 

“You’re gonna make me a swimsuit that I’m comfortable in?” 

“Yeah. There may be no cure for it, but I’ll do anything to make you comfortable and feel pretty. And yes that includes sewing.” 

“Babe you’re...” 

“Amazing, handsome, sexy, funny, the best boyfriend in the world, yes I already know.”

“All of those yes.” You replied. “But you’re just my favourite person in the entire world, and you make me so incredibly happy, even when I do feel awful about myself.” 

“Well, I’ll continue to do that for as long as you let me.” He replied and pressed a soft kiss to your lips. 

“I can’t wait.” You smiled brightly and kissed him again. 

“Now, I have like 30 minutes before I’m back on set so do you wanna continue where we left off?” 

“I though’t you’d never ask.” You said dramatically before pulling him towards you and kissing him roughly. 

[akaspiderman]

strong

pairing: peter parker x avenger!female!reader

word count: 1.8k

warnings: nightmares, mentions of death

plot: Peter can never find peace without (y/n) by his side.

A/N: This is for @h-osterfield and @harryrholland one direction writing challenge! It’s inspired by the song strong by 1D :)

Peter shoots up, sweat pooling around him. His heart throbs while he gasps for air. He couldn’t do it, he couldn’t face it. They were never this often before, the nightmares that plagued his head while he slept. But they keep coming and lately they’ve been more vivid and he could picture everything down to the exact detail. He could see how everything crashed and crumbled down during the fight. How it happened all so fast and it overwhelmed every single bone in his body. How he ran towards the girl but he wasn’t fast enough. Her scream echoing through his head that turns into everyone crying for help. He wasn’t able to save everyone. What was the point of being an Avenger if he couldn’t save everyone? Every move he makes stabs his heart. He should have done better.

He has to get out of this room. The room suffocated him in his thoughts and he knows they would eat him alive. He almost lets them, but he has to push forward. It was so draining, pretending that he didn’t hear voices in his head whenever he’s alone. He never could face the voices alone.

When he takes a step, his body feels a thousand times heavier than it should be. Tony warned him about becoming a full-time Avenger, but he’s never said anything about the self-blame he would endure. He failed to mention the way every wrong move he makes will torment him.

(y/n) hears a door opening across the hall and she knows it was Peter. He’s been crawling into her bed a few times these past weeks just to be by someone. She started a habit where she would force herself awake to make sure he’ll be okay and she would only rest when he does. She launches out of her bed, swinging the door open to meet Peter halfway down the hall. His hair was sticking up and his eyes were bloodshot. She holds her arms open and Peter collapses into them.

He lets her support his weight, grateful for the way she lets him be weak. When he was around everyone else, they always tell him it was okay and how he couldn’t change it. They were right, but it wasn’t what he needed. (y/n) lets him cry about it and never tells him to let it go. In a strange way, it helps him more.

“Nightmares,” Peter whispers. He squeezes her to make sure she was still there. He wasn’t dreaming anymore.

(y/n) runs her hands through his hair, closing her eyes. Her heart aches for him, how he keeps beating himself up over and over. He can’t even catch a break in his sleep, the guilt haunting his every move. She wishes that it would just blow over, but Peter dosen’t need to hear that. He needs support. “Do you feel like sleeping?”

“No.”

(y/n) detangles herself from Peter, but her hand finds its way into his. The warmth of her hand reminds him that he was awake and how there were still good things in life. Life wasn’t just death and failure. It was holding her hand and spending time with her.

“The sky is really clear tonight,” (y/n) says.

Peters nods his head and (y/n) is leading him back into her room. He was hit with the aroma of her, the fresh sweetness that she wears everyday. She hands him a pillow while her one arm was overflowing with blankets.

They don’t say much as they make the trek over to the balcony. There were so many unspoken words between them though. She squeezes his hand to make sure he’s still with her and Peter rubs his thumb in circles on her hand to tell her about his anxious thoughts. He sends her a small look of uneasiness and she slows down to walk directly next to him. He brings her hand up to his lips to thank her, causing (y/n) to glow.

A light breeze greets them as they unlock the door accompanied with chirping of crickets and a light buzz of the building. Peter sits down on the patio furniture as (y/n) takes a seat next to him. She throws the blanket around them, providing a small shield to the wind. Her head finds its way to his chest as she looks up at the night sky illuminated by bright starlight.

“Big Dipper,” (y/n) says breaking the silence. She uses her free hand to point up at the sky, but Peter isn’t looking.

Instead he’s looking at the girl he’s holding, the one who stayed up at this ungodly hour to make sure he would be alright. It was mind blowing that he even found her. There was no way they would have met if it weren’t for the fact that he joined the Avengers. It was a relief to (y/n) to have someone her age working with her. Naturally, they’re drawn to each other. It was painfully awkward at first, but they warmed up to one another. Once the ice started to thaw, it completely disappeared. They were amazingly close, understanding each other more and more.

His heart beats faster thinking about it. He needs her here. If she wasn’t here, he wouldn’t survive  without her picking him back up. (y/n) was the only one who could ease him back to sleep and calm him down. She kept him grounded from the chaos that was his life. Peter likes the little things too, the movie dates and their mini bake offs. It was a break from reality and they could act like that they were normal. She was the air to his lungs.

“I need you,” Peter whispers, his breath hitching.

(y/n) turns her attention back to Peter, their undefined relationship hanging in her head. She wasn’t sure what they were. Logically, they were dating due to the shy kisses and rocking one another to sleep. But they’ve never really called it that and they always avoid that topic. Whatever happens, happens. This was new to both of them, it was the most verbal confirmation they got for their relationship.

“I’m sor-,” Peter starts, “Wait, I’m not. I need you.” His heart stops beating at his confession.

(y/n) kisses his cheek, closing her eyes. Her eyelashes tickle his face as she lowers her head into the crook of his neck. She rests her head there, not sure of what to say to him. (y/n) thought about them a lot, but something was holding her back. She was scared she would say something and ruin it all, pushing Peter away. She couldn’t afford to lose him. Peter helps her act her age. She dosen’t have to be mature and act like that saving the world was her only priority. With Peter, she was just her.

Peter closes his eyes, wishing for something to say. That was a lie, there were so many things to say. He wants to tell her how he needs her and how she makes his days brighter. He likes the way she talks and her tragic dancing. He adores their inside jokes between them and their obscure pop culture references that went over everyone's head. He wishes he could tell her she was everything to him in this moment and many more before this. He could confess, it would be easy. The words would fall out of his lips without an end, but that was terrifying. It was almost as terrifying as his night terrors. His night terrors.

He almost forgot what brought the pair out on the balcony, he was so caught up in (y/n). That’s what he loved about being with her, the simplicity of it all. That’s why he always woke up next to her holding him, he always forgets about it with her. He thinks about all of the lives cut too short and how he couldn’t help them. All the places they could be right now and the things they could be doing. All of the words unspoken.

It hits Peter faster than lightning. All of their missed opportunities. As much as he hates to do it, he would be lying if he hasn’t thought he was going to die during a mission. That shadow held over his head whenever he got stuck in situations that seem impossible, like being thrown under a pile of rubble. Missions could go wrong and their love could become fleeting. There may never be another time like this where (y/n) is this close to him. It would be insulting if he didn’t seize this moment for all of the people he couldn’t save.

The words fall from his lips faster than he could think. “I love you.”

(y/n) pulls away from his chest to meet his eyes. Peter wasn’t scared anymore of his feelings, he was scared he would never say them. “Without you I’m so weak, I can’t do anything. I short circuit and everything gets so overwhelming but then you’re there. You smooth out all the edges and you’re always there no matter how long it takes. You make me smile with your jokes and rants. You make me forget that I’m supposed to be saving the world. You’re this fresh breath of air from everything. Whenever I’m with you, I feel different. I am different. And I like that a lot, the way you make me feel. You make me strong.”

Peter freezes after saying that, his mind screaming at him for saying that. His heart was jumping with joy though, it was off his chest. He didn’t feel regret at all. He wasn’t scared of it anymore, his love. People always shy and run away from it or it gets cut short, and he refuses for that to be the case with him. He couldn’t let her get away, he needs her.

(y/n) closes her eyes, her heart jumping. A wave of warmth washes over her and she knew. She loves him. She does but it was terrifying to be that vulnerable. It was more petrifying to have something that close to her heart and her head taunting her that it could go all wrong.

When she opens her eyes, she sees him. Peter was twiddling his thumb but his eyes were now studying the sky. God, she was so gone for him.

“You don’t have to say anything. I just wanted to let you know.” Peter says.

“Do you mean it?”

“Yes.”

(y/n) wraps her hand around his. “I love you so much,” her voice barely above a whisper.

Peter brings her hands up to his lips. She was scared, he could tell. But she relaxes easily into him, their bodies melting together. Their heartbeats became one as they drift off to sleep, unbothered by the world. In a silent promise, they swore they were going to guide each other through the rough patches and would help one another up. They were going to make each other strong.

[manga-and-stuff]

Yuko Miyamura

The voice of Rei Ayanami and Yui Ikari in Neon Genesis Evangelion 

A place for Asuka in the Heart

Asuka is a young girl, a "part" that has taught me a lot. She isn't so much an aspect of my personality, but someone separate inside myself, something close to a friend. It's like she and I are studying the human condition together. 

Don't misunderstand me; I'm not talking about some sort of multiple personality disorder like in Sybil, nothing like that. And I don't think I'm speaking just of myself, either, but about all of us. You can't be an individual without the idea that you could see life through some other individual's perspective. 

But it was only because I'm an actor that I had the chance to approach it through the perspective called Asuka. As I write this, I'm still new to acting, and you might think I'm out of my league discussing thoughts like these. 

If you do, I apologize. 

But what I want to get across is what an actor does when she tries to act, what approach she takes to the work. There are all types of performers out there, so I suppose there are just as many approaches, but this is how my own relationship with Asuka began... 

Just to let you know, Asuka wasn't the most open-hearted character I've ever met. When I acted out Asuka's part, I tried to synchronize myself with her 400 percent, as we say in Eva. But every time I tried to draw myself in closer, into that synchronization, it was Asuka who would never allow herself to synchronize with me. 

The last scene in The End of Evangelion was done, and still she had never stepped across that line and come towards me.

One day, I figured it out: there is a wall in Asuka's heart. But there's a problem with that realization. If I did all the work; if I leaped across and into her feelings, her self-absorption, her fear, her loneliness... I would suffer just like Asuka did. And, spiritually, I just couldn't face that. I couldn't. 

I tried to pull down that wall down then, but it would grow taller and taller.

Isn't that natural? The more you strain, the more powerful the resistance. It started to look as if I would be the one to break anyway. It began to seem more like a fight between two who are married than an actor struggling against her role. 

That was when I decided to go not over, and not through. But around. I decided to accept Asuka, and her heart, and its wall. I set aside a place for all of her inside my own. I made a little place for her to live in my heart and have done my best to protect it. Even now, that line is still drawn, and even now, that is where she lives.

I can analyze all this with calm detachment; it's over. But when I was playing Asuka, it wasn't a role, it was a battle. Maybe it was something like the first relationship between Helen Keller and Anne Sullivan. Asuka would cry out in silence, "Don't you dare try to come inside!” The mute plea of the character was so amazingly loud it was painful to portray her. I'd ask myself why it had to be so painful, and I would have no answer, and the pain would just grow more intense.

If pain becomes a song of experience, then her fourteen years gave me enough to last a long while. 

The thing I would like to say, to my friend inside my heart, is, "Asuka, you are just fourteen, aren't you?" Not to dismiss her. It's just that fourteen is an age when you and the wall around your heart are thrown against yet another wall. Adolescence, like school, forces you to try and learn. You're supposed to think about your future, right? And Evangelion ended just as you hit that point... but afterwards, what would your choices be? 

What would you try, Asuka? What good and what bad? What kind of adult would you have become?

Asuka, I want you to stay here. In that place inside my heart, be safe and at your own pace. And I'll do the keeping up and grow up right alongside you. You're thrown and thrown against that wall, against either wall, but the stronger it seems, the more weapons will come into your hand. You're in training for your life every day that you live. And you will learn to break through. 

I don't want to share my pain with you, or yours with me. I want that we should share our happiness instead, and grow closer that way. You see, life isn't one exam, one time that determines everything. Don't try and think everything all the way through to the end. Decide you'll try and learn instead. 

They say you have to climb mountains and swim oceans. No. You don't have to do it that way, either. You can learn to eat mountains and drink oceans. You don't have to merely overcome an obstacle. You can savor it and become a person of taste. Life is fun, Asuka—and you don't have to rely on chance that it should happen that way; instead you can make it so. 

—Yuko Miyamura, 1997

Source: Neon Genesis Evangelion / Shin Seiki Evangerion / 新世紀エヴァンゲリオン 

by Yoshiyuki Sadamoto