#she was very distant in january | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

coffeeshades · 5 months ago

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credits to the gif maker!

LOVE IS COMPLICATED - PART IX

—we belong to you and me

summary: the trials and tribulations of falling in love or two idiots who can't get their shit together.

pairing: pedro pascal x actress/singer!reader.

word count: 2.9k

warnings: 18+ (minors dni). fluff. angst. cursing, age gap, mentions of alcohol and depression. feelings of hopelessness, anxiety. no use of y/n, if i missed something please let me know!

a/n: here it goes. happy reading <3

masterlist!

January 26, 2023

Los Angeles, California

The ceiling isn’t even interesting, but it’s better than everything else right now. You’ve spent too many nights staring at the same spot above you, trying not to think, trying not to feel, but the thoughts always come creeping back. Anxiety’s a funny thing—how it picks and chooses moments to make your life its playground, especially when there’s nothing left to distract you.

You think about your depression diagnosis from a year ago. It feels like a dirty word, one that sticks to the inside of your throat whenever you try to talk about it.

Shame has a way of making you feel unworthy, like there’s a crack inside you that everyone can see. And Pedro…well, he was part of that too. Not because he’d judge you; no, you know he wouldn’t. That’s what makes it worse. He’d understand, and you know it. But it was that very understanding, that softness, that made you feel even less deserving of him. It was easier to push him away, tell yourself that he was better off without you, without your darkness looming overhead.

It was stupid. You knew it was stupid. But knowing didn’t make it any easier. For a long time, you felt like shit. The medication and therapy helped, though. You feel better now, mostly. At least enough to move through the days without the weight of the world pressing down on your chest.

On nights like this, when the city outside your window hums with life, you find yourself longing for him. Wanting him with a kind of ache that doesn’t make sense anymore. Not after a year of silence.

Okay, not complete silence.

There were the text messages, the likes, the little online interactions that served as placeholders for the real thing. But the last time you actually heard his voice was on your birthday. He called, and it was brief. Polite. He sounded tired, maybe distant. You’d called him on his birthday, too, but he didn’t pick up. A few hours later, a text: “Sorry! Really busy over here, even on my birthday. Thanks for the birthday wishes. See you soon.”

Except “See you soon” never came. It was nothing more than etiquette.

Sarah came over a few weeks later. You were sitting on your couch, mindlessly flipping through a book, when she dropped the news. “They broke up,” she’d said, leaning against the counter like it wasn’t a bomb that just exploded in your chest. “Pedro and Julia. Months ago.”

Why didn’t he tell me?

That conversation replayed in your head for days. Maybe he hadn’t told you because you weren’t that person for him anymore. The one he turned to when things went wrong. Life just went on without him in it. The strange became familiar, and here you were, on a Saturday night, staring at nothing.

You push off the sofa, grab your phone from the coffee table, and start scrolling through social media. It’s the only thing that takes the edge off, numbing the ache for a little while. But even that was a trap because almost every post you see is about him.

Pedro was everywhere, and you couldn’t escape him.

The world had caught on to how wonderful he was, and now they all wanted a piece of him. The headlines, the photos, the fan posts—everyone seemed to wonder what it would be like to love him, to touch him. The universe was taunting you with his presence, a constant reminder of what you’d had and what you’d lost. Every time you saw his face, you felt a pang of regret, sharp and unforgiving.

February 4, 2023

New York, NY

The invitation had come a week earlier, but not from him. His sister, Lux, had sent the text. “It would be nice if you came,” she’d written, and your heart had swelled in your chest.

“I’ll try,” you’d replied, though you knew as soon as you sent it that you would go. The next thing you knew, you were on a plane to New York, staring out the window, wondering what you were doing. You hadn’t seen him in person in over a year, and you didn’t even know if he wanted to see you. What if time had passed you by? What if everything between you had faded into the background, nothing more than a memory?

The night of the show arrived, and you were a wreck. A bundle of nerves, second-guessing everything. You sat in the audience, people asking for pictures here and there, and you smiled, happily obliging. But when Pedro took the stage, your heart stopped. He was nervous during the monologue, you could tell, but he quickly settled into the rhythm.

His breathing evened out, and he was so…perfect. He talked about his family, about his mother, and you felt the lump in your throat rise when he got emotional. He was always funny in the sketches, but especially when he almost broke character to laugh. You couldn’t stop watching him.

And you hoped—no, you prayed—that maybe he’d see you through the crowd.

When the show ended, people started to disperse, and there he was, surrounded by his family, by friends, all buzzing with pride and excitement. You hung back, watching as Lux tried to get everyone lined up for a photo. “Who’s gonna take it?” someone asked, and you stepped forward before you could think twice.

“I can do it,” you said, and Lux’s eyes widened in surprise.

“Oh my god, you came!” She rushed over, wrapping her arms around you, and you hugged her back, feeling a sudden warmth in your chest.

Nico and Pedro’s nephews followed, pulling you into their hugs as well. For a moment, it felt like old times, like maybe things hadn’t changed at all. But then Pedro turned, his gaze catching yours, and time stopped.

You stood there, staring at each other, and the world spun and stilled all at once. His eyes lit up, soft and warm, like they always had. He looked like he wanted to say something, but neither of you moved.

Five seconds. Maybe less. But it felt like forever.

You smiled, and so did he, a quiet acknowledgment passing between you. Lux handed you her phone, and you took the picture, watching them all gather together, laughing and chatting. You could feel Pedro’s eyes on you the whole time.

After the photo, he walked over, his eyes locking onto yours again.

“How…what are you…?”

“Your sister invited me,” you replied quickly.

“Of course she did,” he said, glancing back at Lux with a smile.

“Congratulations, you were incredible,” you said, the words tumbling out faster than you intended. “I’m so happy for you.”

He looked at you like you were the most precious thing in the world, like you were the moon and the stars. Your heart raced, and you could feel it thumping against your ribs. He smiled, a half-smile, and his voice softened. “Thank you. I think I butchered a couple of lines, but…"

“No, no,” you insisted, shaking your head. “You were perfect. It was perfect.”

He looked like he wanted to say more, his eyes doing that thing they always did when he was holding something back. But then he cleared his throat, looking flustered. “I have to go get changed and say goodbye to a few people, but come to the afterparty, okay? Oscar and Sarah will be there.”

As if you needed a reason other than him.

“Yeah, of course,” you said, trying to sound casual.

He took a step closer, his big brown eyes fixed on you. “Thank you for being here.”

You smiled, trying to keep your composure. “Always.”

And then he turned and disappeared backstage.

•••

Later, at the afterparty, you felt like a ghost, drifting between conversations. You caught up with Oscar and Sarah, the comfort of their hugs bringing unexpected tears to your eyes. It felt good, to be surrounded by people who loved you unconditionally. But you couldn’t help yourself; you kept looking for Pedro. From across the room, your eyes would meet, and the significance of everything unsaid hung between you.

Twenty minutes passed like that. Stolen glances, quiet tension. Until you saw him slip outside to the rooftop, away from the crowd.

Without thinking, you followed him.

He stood there, looking out over the city, his broad back to you, the skyline of New York glowing in the distance. For a moment, you thought about turning around, about going back inside. But then you stepped forward, standing beside him.

“This city,” you started, “is so beautiful from up here. Makes you forget about all the bad things—like the rats and the traffic.”

He laughed—that booming, wheezing kind of laugh you loved so much—and you smiled.

Pedro smiled at you—that same familiar smile that hadn’t changed in all these years. His eyebrows lifted playfully, and for a moment, it felt like no time had passed at all. But as you looked closer, you saw it—he had changed, and yet the essence of him remained.

His hair was longer now, curling just at the ends in a way that made you want to reach out and touch it. His beard, fuller than before, had streaks of gray decorating his jawline and his hair. The lines around his eyes had deepened, like stories waiting to be told, crinkling when he smiled, as if life had both weathered and softened him.

He turned to look at you. “Hi again.”

“Hi."

“You look good,” he said, the compliment slipping from his lips with ease.

You chuckled softly. “Thanks, so do you, Mr. Popular.”

He clicked his tongue, amused. “What can I say?”

The rooftop was hushed, only the chatter and music from the party drifting up from where you stood. The world below a distant hum, leaving just the two of you bathed in the soft glow of green and gold light from the city. The air was cool but not cold, wrapping around you both in a way that felt intimate, protective.

How Deep Is Your Love started playing, and you looked towards the party, a small smile playing on your lips. As if he could read your mind, he chuckled and said, "How fitting. What are the odds?"

For the first time in what felt like forever, you were under Pedro’s gaze—not the chaotic, feverish attention you were used to, with cameras flashing and crowds screaming your name, but something deeper. His attention had always been different. It was quiet, but focused, like a steady hand on your shoulder, grounding you without a word.

For a moment, you couldn’t speak, couldn’t breathe. The pull between you too strong, a tether stretched thin by years of disconnect but never broken. You felt it—the weight of all that had gone unsaid pressing against your chest. You had to say it. Now, before you lost the courage.

“I was debating whether or not to do this here,” you began, your voice low but steady, “today of all days, but I feel like the right time will never come for us, so I’ll just say it.”

Pedro’s eyes searched yours with anticipation, perhaps fear or hope, watching you with that unwavering focus that made your heart race.

In that moment, you realized, you didn't know where to start.

“I’m sorry,” you whispered, the words catching in your throat. “I disappeared like that, and I know I hurt you. I was... I was dealing with so much, and I wanted to tell you, but I couldn’t move. Some days were harder than others, and I felt so ashamed. So lost. So sad.”

The word sad hung between you, fragile yet heavy. You could see it in his face—how your words cut him deeply. His lips parted, and you saw the pain flicker in his eyes, the understanding that only he could offer.

“Baby,” he said, the word tender, rich with affection. He took a step closer, his presence overwhelming yet calming all at once. His hand moved to your hair, fingers brushing it aside before resting gently on the side of your head. The touch was so familiar, so comforting, you closed your eyes for a moment, letting the warmth of it wash over you.

“No,” Pedro said softly, his voice breaking just a little. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry for not doing more. For not being there when you needed me. I’m a fucking coward.”

You opened your eyes, meeting his gaze. “I pushed you away because I thought… I thought you were happy with her.” Your voice cracked, but you pushed through the pain. “And before that, I pushed you away because I thought you just didn't want me. I figured it was better to let you be.”

He let out a breath, stepping even closer, his forehead nearly touching yours. “I got with her because I couldn’t escape you,” he confessed, the words raw and full of regret. “You were always there, in my head, in my heart. I thought if I could be with someone else, maybe… maybe I’d forget you, but I couldn’t.”

You felt the tears sting at the back of your eyes. The truth of it, the weight of his words, felt like a key turning in a lock that had long been rusted shut. You wanted to say more, to tell him everything, but before you could, Pedro’s hand slipped to your cheek, his thumb brushing the corner of your mouth.

“I was afraid that you'd be the only person I ever actually wanted. And now I'm afraid that my one and only chance at happiness has passed me by.” He whispered, his voice low and intense. “And I…I think about kissing you more than I think about anything else, literally in the world. It’s my go-to thought when my mind has a minute to spare.”

You could barely breathe. The air between you felt charged, electrified by everything he was admitting, by the love you had both buried for so long. “I was so scared,” he continued, his eyes glistening. “So scared of fucking up our friendship, scared of what people might say, and scared of losing you because… I’ve never known what to do with pain, mi amor. All I’ve ever done is hide from it. But I don’t want to do that anymore.”

You reached up, covering his hand with yours.

He closed his eyes for a moment, as if your touch was too much, too overwhelming. Then, slowly, he opened them again, his gaze locking onto yours with such intensity it made your heart ache. “I was such an idiot,” he said, his voice rough with emotion. “I thought I could live without you, but the truth is, I’ve never been able to. Not for a single day.”

You smiled, your own tears finally spilling over. “Well, that makes two of us.”

"You're my favorite person to talk to," he said, "even when we're fighting."

There was a beat, a single breath in which the world seemed to pause, and then he kissed you. It wasn’t a tentative kiss, shy, or unsure—it was everything. Every moment, every longing look, every stolen glance over the years poured into this one, perfect moment. His lips were soft but demanding, his hands slipping into your hair as he pulled you closer. You knew people could be watching from afar, but you melted into him, because nothing else mattered right now.

When you finally pulled back, foreheads pressed together, both of you gasping for air like you'd been drowning and only just found the surface. His forehead rested against yours, his breath shaky, and in that moment, you saw it all—the vulnerability, the fear, the anger, and beneath it all, the raw, unrelenting love.

Pedro’s voice was thick with emotion as he spoke, “I hate myself for waiting this long.” His hands slid down to your shoulders, gripping them with a desperation that made your heart twist. “I watched you disappear, and I told myself it wasn’t my place. But it was. It always was.”

His eyes bore into yours, deep pools of brown that always saw you, even when you didn’t want to be seen. His hands turned and pushed you slowly to the railing, and you could feel the cold biting into your back even through the thick layers of your jacket.

“I hated myself too,” you admitted, the words spilling out in a rush, messy and imperfect, but true. “I thought about you every day. And I hated myself for it because I couldn’t let go. I tried, God. I tried with everything I had to move on, but it was always you. It was always you, Pedro.”

His lips trembled, and you saw the tears in his eyes—the same tears that were stinging yours. He let out a bitter laugh, shaking his head.

“We wasted so much time.”

You nodded, your own heart breaking at the realization. All the years you had spent avoiding each other, convincing yourselves it was for the best, when deep down, you knew the truth.

You had been running—both of you—from something that had always been there.

“I know,” you said softly, reaching up to cup his face, your thumb brushing against the scruff on his jaw. “But we’re here now. I'm here, and I'm not going anywhere."

He nodded, a slow, deliberate movement. “I love you,” he said, the words a soft confession.

You smiled, face wet with tears, your heart finally free of the burden it had carried for so long.

“I know."

a/n: aaaahh finally!!! these idiots got it right it only took like 20 years lol.

an extra final chapter is coming very soon. i had so much fun writing this. i started writing this silly little fic right after a breakup because i was feeling lonely and it was the best way for me to not feel like that sooo i wanted to thank everyone who read, liked, reblogged or commented, it means the world to me that someone else enjoys something that takes so much of my time. love you all so much!!!

#pedro pascal imagine #pedro pascal x reader #pedro pascal smut #pedro pascal fluff #pedro pascal fanfiction #pedro pascal angst #my writing #pedro pascal fic

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personasintro · 1 year ago

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Mutual Help | #43

↳ 𝐬𝐲𝐧𝐨𝐩𝐬𝐢𝐬; in order for you to pretend to be his girlfriend, he helps you with your sexual desires ⏤ he calls it mutual help

⇢ 𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠: jungkook x reader

⇢ 𝐠𝐞𝐧𝐫𝐞: fake dating au, fluff, angst, smut, slow burn

⇢ 𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: explicit language, Please, be aware this chapter is NOT suitable for sensitive people! It’s also very important chapter in this story but if you’re sensitive person and get easily triggered by sensitive topics, do not read it.

⇢ 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭: 10.4k+

⇠ 𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐯. | 𝐢𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐱 | 𝐧𝐞𝐱𝐭 ⇢

It had been one of those evenings when they all had decided to meet, well most of them, at Hoseok's place. It hadn't been that long since they hung out together, hence the New Year's Trip that happened at the end of December and ended at the beginning of January. Ever since you left that day, the whole atmosphere kind of shifted. Not because of you though. Because of everything that happened which yes, involved you but it's nowhere near your fault.

This had been the first time they had been all hanging out together after that trip, unfortunately without your presence. Of course, you wouldn't have come either way. Not just because that evening had been your first day working back at the club, but also because Kiko had been there too.

Jungkook knows you well enough you wouldn't have come even if he asked. Plus, he knows it wouldn't have been a good idea anyway.

And maybe he was naive enough to think that evening would run smoothly and it really would be just one of those evenings when he gets to hang out and laugh with his friends. But was he wrong...

"Yah! You already ate all of it!" Seokjin's dramatic voice booms out, causing Hoseok to flinch at the sudden outburst that is aimed at Jimin who innocently widens his eyes and opens his mouth.

Jungkook snorts under his breath, secretly snickering at his friend's red neck.

"It's been here for an hour and anyone barely touched it!" Jimin finds his voice, frowning at the oldest that starts to complain under his breath while Jimin just scoffs and places the empty ball back on the coffee table.

Kiko chuckles, catching Jungkook's amused eyes as he shakes his head at them which makes her chuckle even more. His arm is stretched behind her, resting on the back of the couch as she eyes Seokjin and Jimin.

"Hobi, you've got some more snacks in the kitchen, right?" she asks her friend, causing Hoseok to think for a second before he nods.

"Yeah, I think so."

Kiko stands up, noticing Jungkook's curious eyes as she gives him a smile before she looks at everyone. "I'm gonna make you some more snacks."

She hears a few complaints of how she doesn't have to bother, but she just waves her hand already disappearing in the kitchen. After looking for different ingredients, she finds more popcorn and chips which she automatically pulls out, but that doesn't seem enough for five men that could eat all day. Remembering Jimin saying something about craving for something sweet and Hoseok agreeing half an hour ago, she thinks it through as an idea pops in her head. Checking more ingredients, she lets out a content grin when she finds all the ingredients for pancakes while she hears a distant bickering between what sounds like Seokjin and Hoseok, which makes her laugh a little. She focuses on her preparing everything for the pancakes.

It's quick and easy, her hands moving automatically until she's turning off the stove. Opening a glass jar of hazelnut spread, she notices Hoseok coming into the kitchen as he lets out a grumble, saying something about having to get soda for Jimin which she just responds to with a giggle.

He grabs the bottle of soda, throwing a few glances at her which she doesn't notice, not until he sets the bottle on the kitchen counter, obviously not joining the guys right away. She chuckles, a soft smile appearing on her lips as she questionably looks at him.

"Jungkook is about to go." he informs her, knowing she knows about his plans and to be honest, he's not even sure why he started like that. He had to somehow start this conversation. It's been bothering him for quite some time now.

"Ah, yeah, he told me." she shrugs, not giving too much attention to it. What else does she have to say?

"So... you and Y/N are still on bad terms?" he asks unsurely, fully knowing the answer to that and probably Kiko knows that, especially her own best friend because they had this conversation before. Still, she tenses a little at his question.

"I... I guess. I apologized but I know I made a mistake, she has every right to be mad at me." she admits, shrugging even though it bothers her.

"This is ruining you, I can see it. Are you really okay with her hating you?" he exclaims in disbelief, still keeping his voice down though.

Kiko stops what she's doing, letting out a huge sigh before she gives a look to him. "No, Hobi, I'm not," she says slightly bitterly, "I know how much it hurts Jungkook to see us not getting along, but it's my fault and I'm taking all that responsibility for it."

"And like I said, it's ruining you," Hoseok says right away, brows pinched together as a displeased frown makes its way on his usually bright face. "It's hurting you and you're not doing anything about it."

"What else can I do?" she exclaims suddenly, clearing her throat as she shifts her gaze away from him. Hoseok means well, she knows that. But talking about it and him trying to solve all of this is just impossible.

"Talk to Jungkook." he proposes which makes her scoff.

"I talked to him about it, he didn't want to know anything else and I respect that. I already ruined a huge part of our relationship, I don't want to ruin the rest of it." she tells him and his gaze softens when her voice quivers slightly.

She holds a lot of emotions inside her and like Hoseok said many times, it's ruining her inside. Saying Jungkook doesn't want to know is just an excuse, so she doesn't have to face her biggest fear. But Hoseok knows her well enough to know, it's hurting her but she's desperately trying to cope with it because of Jungkook. Because she loves him and knows she doesn't deserve him.

"That's not what I'm talking about and you know it. You're just telling that to yourself because you're scared," he tells her honestly, tone getting hushed and stern because she's too stubborn to even consider other solutions. "This is not gonna end up good, Kik and you know it."

Her eyes snap to his face, features hardening because she doesn't want to hear any of this. But Hoseok is determined and even though he's coming from a good place because he truly cares for her, she doesn't want to hear it. Just the thought of it pains her, it's hurting her too much.

"Hobi, please," she murmurs, heart hurting from his stern glance he's giving her. "Don't make this any harder."

"You've made this harder for yourself Kik and you know it," he reminds her and she quickly catches onto the sadness and disappointment in his voice. "This is hard for me too. Jungkook is my friend too."

She knows it, she freaking knows it and him talking about it makes her feel like she's about to burst in tears any second. The guilt eating her out alive to the point she can't pretend to be okay. But things are okay when she's with Jungkook. He has that effect on her and although she knows she hurt him the most and he deserves much better. Only he wouldn't be so sweet and never tried to get her back.

She's selfish probably, she should've told him 'no' when he approached her and tried to win her back. She shouldn't have succumbed to her heart and feelings she has felt for him. She thought maybe it's another chance for her to make things right. But she got into even a bigger mess without Jungkook knowing.

"I'm sorry..." she whispers, staring down at her feet in shame.

"No, Kik," Hoseok shakes his head, his own heart cracking at the sight of seeing her in such pain, not mentioning the same guilt he's been seeing for months now. That's why he has decided to voice his concerns to her. He can't see her destroying herself.

And that's why he opens his mouth again, determined to talk to her despite her current state of breaking down again. "I'm your friend, I told you I've got your back. I don't mean to sound as if I'm blaming you... but think about Jungkook. You've to tell him, you should've told him sooner."

Disappointment is written on his face this time, not even surprised when Kiko starts disapprovingly shaking her head. But he sees it. The fear. "No, no he doesn't wanna know,"

She sees the way he raises his brow at her, knowing she's in denial and he's about to open his mouth but she quickly continues.

"Our relationship is good, Hobi, I can't risk ruining it any further. I'm aware everything is my fault and there is not a day I don't think about it, but I love him. I love him so much and now I finally got him back. Please."

It's breaking his heart to see her beg him, it's hard to stay determined especially when she's on the verge of tears, sounding weak. But if he doesn't stay determined and make her see the truth she's so desperately afraid of, it's going to keep hurting and ruining her. She's never going to be truly happy. Not saying that Jungkook deserves to know the whole truth.

Kiko is his best friend, but like it's been said, Jungkook is his friend too. It's hard to look him in the face, knowing things Jungkook doesn't know of. It makes him feel bad and guilty. Kiko is not the only one affected. This has and will affect even more people.

"This has gone too far, Jungkook might be okay with it because he loves you... but he deserves to know. It's hard for me too, but I'm not sure how long I can take it." He reminds her gently.

"Hobi!" she exclaims, panic visible in her eyes as Hoseok shakes his head and she knows he's already decided.

"If you don't tell him, I will."

And that is everything she's been scared of, selfishly feeling betrayal from her best friend even though she realizes he means no harm. She's been hurting him too, the weight of her actions not hurting only her and Jungkook, but him too.

"You wouldn't do that..." she shakily whispers, tears pooling in her eyes as he feels the need to look away.

"I'm sorry, Kik. I know I promised you, but this has gone too far. Jungkook is gonna hate both of us, but it's better than him not knowing the whole truth while you're torturing yourself every day. You might think you're happy but deep down, it's always gonna live inside you. And the truth always comes out, the sooner it'll it's better. For everyone."

She's shaking her head, hands clutching her chest as she's about to desperately trying to make him change his mind but before she can even open her mouth, she registers a movement from the corner of her eyes hearing another presence in the room. Her heart drops as soon as she's met with Jungkook, his face almost unreadable but yet one look at him, and she knows. He heard them.

She barely notices the gasp that leaves her mouth, her insides rolling at the thought of Jungkook hearing their conversation that was never supposed to happen. Her already broken state doesn't make it hard for her to cry, which pains both of them and Hoseok knows it has to be done. Obviously, he didn't know about Jungkook listening to all of this but maybe that's for the best. Now she can't walk away from it and has to face it.

And she's about to lose it when she wants to get closer to Jungkook but he stops her immediately, keeping distance between them.

"I can explain," she jumps to say, "W-we were just talking and--"

"I don't wanna hear anything right now," he cuts her off, shaking his head.

She wants to be mad at Hoseok, for talking about such a thing right now when not only Jungkook, but the rest of the guys are here. Anyone could hear and the only person she wouldn't want to hear is standing right in front of her with a hurt yet empty face. Hoseok senses the tension, knowing he shouldn't be here right now and he excuses himself.

And when she tries to talk to him, explaining it even though she's not sure what to say, he stops her. He sees how confused he is by all of this, his thoughts are not settled and her trying to talk to him would just make it worse.

When 'no more secrets' makes it out of his mouth, she gasps and tries to make her way towards him again but he stops her again, but this time with a glare.

"No, whatever Hoseok wants you to tell me, you will. Tomorrow."

And those are his final words before he walks out of the room, her heart dropping and cracking all over again. Her weak legs not being able to hold her as the panic rising inside her makes her cry even more. And the only person who could bring her comfort just left, wanting from her something she's been afraid of.

The brown liquid in a cup does nothing but make Jungkook's stomach churn, it settles weirdly in his stomach as soon as he takes a sip, fully aware he has barely slept last night. How could he? Even though his body was pleading for some rest, his mind was too preoccupied with what he heard. And when his eyes finally closed for a short period of time, both mind and body not being able to take in the countless thoughts and tiredness, his dreams had been filled with different scenarios of Kiko and Hoseok. Together.

Instead of getting some energy from his usual morning coffee, he feels like throwing it up as his stomach protests whenever the brown liquid slides down his throat. Ever since he left Hoseok's place, he hasn't been the same.

On his way to get you, all he could think about was their conversation he wasn't supposed to hear. What has surprised him the most is the guilt in Hoseok's voice, telling him that he's much more involved than Kiko has ever admitted.

The constant support she has gotten from him, the way he has been always there for her and even in the times when they had been broken up, Hoseok always treated her as a delicate doll – as if she wasn't the one who broke up with Jungkook. As if she wasn't the one who hurt him by breaking up with him and then admitting she cheated on him.

Jungkook remembers the way his hand gripped the steering wheel tightly just at the thought of the only rational guess he could think of. When she assured him Hoseok is not the one she cheated with, he trusted her because her reaction seemed legit. But now that he heard their conversation and especially heard Hoseok, not just his words but the tone he was talking with. Sad, guilty, determined for Jungkook to know the truth.

He can't possibly be in this relationship when there's something happening behind his back, his curiosity and worry increasing rapidly. He didn't want to know. He didn't want to know any details of how it happened and with whom it happened. The less details he knows, the less it hurts and he can't possibly imagine how it'll hurt once he finds out who she cheated with. But now, after hearing Kiko and Hoseok talking and everything about it, he's determined to know the truth.

The ride to the club you're working at was blurry and not even the sight of you already waiting for him with a tired yet soft smile couldn't take his mind off anything. Still, he tried to appear as if nothing happened, spent almost an half of the ride with you complaining how tired you are but telling him you kind of missed it. You even admitted it took your mind off Haneul which relatively, you've been doing fine without him. Jungkook knows keeping yourself busy makes you feel better for numerous reasons.

And on your part, it wasn't that hard to understand that Jungkook was acting somehow weird. He wasn't talkative as usual and for a moment you thought that the cause of him being so silent and distant, is because it's already late and he has to pick you up and drive you home. But who were you kidding? Jungkook was the first one that proposed picking you up and you knew that it's not the real reason behind his weird behavior.

And fuck, he wanted to tell you so bad. He didn't even know what he really thought about it. Is he suspecting Hoseok of being the guy Kiko cheated with? Deep down, he knows he does. It makes sense but there's still a part of him that denies it, thinking Hoseok – his friend – wouldn't be able to do that to him. Does it even make sense? Hoseok and Kiko had never been that close.

As Jungkook felt quite overwhelmed, a lump in his throat almost hurting, he noticed how tired you were and that's when you voiced out your concern, asking him if he's alright, he just waved you off and assured you everything's fine.

Both of you knowing that's not it and there's something more to his behavior, you respectfully minded your own business knowing if he wants to tell you, he will.

Jungkook isn't even sure how you would react. Would you think Hoseok is able to do that to him? He knows there's some kind of weird tension between you and him, which undoubtedly is caused by the fact he's Kiko's best friend and he's always there to prove that to you. It's almost funny because both of you are actually the same. You and him are both protecting your best friends, proving it to each other.

Earlier in the morning, he had decided and quickly did it before he could change his mind, he texted Kiko the time he wanted to meet. When she had replied she'll be there, he had felt even more stressed from the entire situation.

And he still feels like it, even when she's sitting on the opposite side of the dining table, nervously gripping the cup of tea he made her. A little trace of the lack of sleep is evident on her face and she seems just as stressed as he does. He can't bring himself to feel satisfied about it. Even though there's this hidden anger and annoyance inside of him (mostly hurt and pain though), he can't feel better to see she doesn't look any better in the first place. He still cares for her.

Perhaps, this is his fault too. He did give her a second chance, he wouldn't even be in this situation right now if he didn't. Yet, he doesn't regret fighting for their love and giving their relationship a second chance, no matter what anyone else thinks about it. To be fair, it's not anyone else's business either.

Kiko's shaky hands don't go unnoticed by Jungkook as she brings the herbal tea closer to her lips to take a sip. She's making him even anxious, to see her be this nervous and he's not even sure if he wants to hear everything. No, he has to... he's just trying to avoid all the pain he's been avoiding for months.

He had been happy when they got together. It was something new for both of them, earning back that trust which wasn't easy but easier with the love they have been feeling for each other. Will that love be enough this time?

"Did you drive here in this state?" He can't help but speak up for the first time after they greeted each other and Jungkook led her to his kitchen.

He still might feel like he's about to burst from all the uncomfortable emotions pooling inside him, but he's still worried when he sees how much she's affected by this. Even when she finally gets the courage to look at him, to see his tired and puffy eyes from the lack of sleep, he doesn't mistake the pain behind her brown irises.

"No," She finds her voice, it comes out raspy and makes her clear her throat slightly as she looks away. "Hoseok drove me here. He's waiting outside."

Jungkook tenses at the mention of Hoseok, his thoughts and fear proving right so far but all he can manage to do is nod. He's definitely involved in this. He knew from the beginning Hoseok knows more than Jungkook does, but the thought of Hoseok being the guy is far worse.

He rubs his face, covering his mouth for a second as he looks at her. Their eyes meet, sharing a similar pain and discomfort and he swears, he can't take it any longer. "It's him, isn't it?"

Kiko blinks a few times, her hands shakily putting down the cup. "What do you mean?"

She knows what he means, she knows what he's aiming at and she has the audacity to try to buy more time by beating around the bush. That makes him frown and an unappreciative look is sent her way as he's trying to keep it cool.

However, he faces her confidently with an arched brow, silently calling her out on her stalling. She knows very well what he's about to ask.

"Hoseok," he says simply, "He's the one you cheated on me with." He doesn't ask, he simply states it as he lets his fearful thoughts that have been haunting ever since he heard their conversation out of his mouth.

There's a beat of silence, Kiko's pupils widening for a moment as she stares at Jungkook with a slightly opened mouth. Her shaky hands land on her lap under the table, away from Jungkook's stern yet hurtful eyes.

"No," she murmurs, shaking her head before she gets the courage to finally face him again, this time with desperation clear on her saddened features. "Of course not. I already told you it's not him."

That makes Jungkook scoff a little, shaking his head because how can he be sure she's telling the truth? When he looks at her, he doesn't see any traces of lie or something that could indicate her lying. But still, he has his own doubts and trust issues that are no one's fault but her.

"Why not?" he shrugs bitterly, clenching his jaw. "It'd make sense." He sounds bitter and petty, he fully realizes it but he can't help it. The thought of them together, hurting him like that and doing something so disgusting behind his back makes him sick.

"Jungkook, please," Kiko shakes her head, voice rising slightly. "Do you honestly think he'd be able to do that to you?"

"I've never thought you'd be able to do that to me and here we are," he exclaims, outstretching his arms all of a sudden which makes her eyes widen for a moment before they're filled with guilt. The same guilt he's seen countless times and that's why he wants to discuss this problem once and for all. "Now tell me the truth... it was him, right?"

Jungkook isn't aware of the way her heart drops, all he can see is her looking extremely guilty and sad. She's breaking and a tiny part of him feels bad for it, he still loves her after all. No matter how sad, heartbroken and angry he might be, she's still his girlfriend who he loves despite what's about to come. Surely, it won't be any good news and he's aware of it. It's not something he can prepare himself for. He has to face it.

"No, I already told you," she tells him desperately, letting out a shaky breath as she closes her eyes for a moment, feeling them burn. "It's not him."

He looks at her skeptically, searching her face that has the courage to look back at him. She knows he's trying to see whether she's telling the truth or not, so she faces him even when tears are pooling in her eyes.

And Jungkook doesn't get it. If it's not Hoseok, why the hell does she seem so guilty about it? Would she feel this guilty if it was a stranger? Or someone from her past he hasn't met? One thing is sure, she feels guilty no matter who it is. However, he can't help but let his mind go wild and the possible options.

Is it someone else from their friends circle? The thought of it being-- no, he can't even think that. They wouldn't do that to him. They've been there for him through this time. She's not even on Taehyung's good side at the moment.

And something snaps inside him. All he wants is for her to talk, to tell him everything but so far she's just answering his guess. He can't control himself when the next words leave his mouth.

"Then fucking tell me," he slaps his hand against the dining table, a loud thud erupting in the kitchen as he stands up abruptly, closing his eyes as fingers run through his raven hair.

Despite his state, he notices Kiko flinch as she stares at him completely shocked, not expecting him to snap like that.

"Sorry," he murmurs an apology, not being able to look at her as he lets go of his hair. "Just-- just tell me everything. I need to know."

"I didn't want to... I still don't want to tell you," she murmurs, shamefully looking at her hands before she meets Jungkook's empty look. "You're gonna hate me and I'm not sure if I'm ready for that."

"I haven't hated you, not even when you came clean about your cheating. Don't you see that I'm trying? I gave you a second chance, I'm trying to find out the truth I deserve to know." He's not careful with his words, letting his heart speak as his tone turns into an accusatory one.

"I know... I know," she groans, hiding her face in her hands for a second as a single tear rolls down her cheek. "It's so selfish from me, I'm so selfish but I love you so much, Kookie,"

He tenses at the nickname, hardening his glance which makes her smile a little. It's a sad, almost defeated smile. And he stays quiet, not letting the single nickname soften him as he demands answers. But Kiko hasn't said it to soften him, she has said it purely out of her heart because there's no way Jungkook will love her after this.

"Just please know I did it to protect you, I didn't want to say anything because I didn't want to hurt you any further."

"Please, just--" Jungkook almost whimpers, pleading with her to finally start talking because he's growing impatient with each word that leaves her mouth. He's standing, gripping the edge of his kitchen stool as he leans against it, knowing he can't just sit down and stare at her like they're having a casual conversation.

Nevertheless, Kiko nods quickly and non-verbally lets him know that she's getting to it.

"Jungkook," It's weird to hear her say Jungkook. He's mostly been Kookie to her, Jungkook sounds distant right now. "When I broke up with you, I wasn't planning on getting back with you. I broke up with you, so you would never have to know the truth. I was better off knowing you hate me for breaking up with you over a stupid reason, than knowing the truth..."

He's heard this before – when they had a conversion when the whole cheating situation came out. That's when he told her he wouldn't be able to hate her. He was hurt, yes. He spent days and nights trying to figure out why she would break up with him all of a sudden. He was so desperate and sad that he had to ask you for help.

"But then when I saw you with Y/N... I was so hurt by all of it, knowing it's my fault because if I had never broken up with you, you'd still be with me but I had to do it. And then we talked and you confessed that you still love me. I've never stopped loving you Jungkook, so meeting up with you and talking with you about possibly getting back together seemed like the only right option for my broken heart,"

He has this sudden anger inside him, wanting to interrupt her and ask her; Are you the one with a broken heart? You broke up with me. You cheated on me. Of course, rationally it doesn't mean she isn't hurting too. But he's glad she's finally talking, noticing that it isn't easy for her as she brings her shaky fingers to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear every now and then, so he lets her talk while keeping his mouth shut.

"You gave me a second chance and I thought 'What the hell did I do to deserve this? This must be my chance' and I selfishly took it because yes, I'm selfish but I also love you and I was willing to be with you with guilt eating me alive, if it'd mean I get to be with you again."

"I don't want to hear this, you know what I want to hear from you. The name. The explanation." he tells her sternly, not hiding another prominent frown adoring his extremely tired face. That's another thing she gets to feel guilty about. He has barely slept because of her. His second chance is biting him back in the ass right now.

"You probably don't want to but you have to," she tells him simply, "I couldn't stay away even though I tried... but it was bound for us to see each other again, like at Jin's and Jia's wedding."

Yeah, that was unavoidable. Two of their friends were getting married, it'd be stupid not to come and attend because they knew one another would be there too.

"Okay, I get that but what does it have to do with everything?" He knows she's trying to go into depth and maybe if their relationship and his heart weren't at stake, he would be actually patient. This doesn't mean he hasn't been listening though. "As much as it's nice to know you've never stopped loving me, I want to know about the cheating."

All she can muster is to give him a sad smile in return, nodding her head. "Do you remember when we went camping?"

"What about it?" he grumbles in return, growing even more impatient.

On the other hand, Kiko is very patient and even though her misery and sadness is more than clear, she breathes out a small smile. It's barely visible but Jungkook notices it, thanks to his feisty and curious glare.

"We went for a walk to talk and you wanted to know the reason why I broke up with you."

"Yeah, yeah, I know all of that," he exclaims, frowning. "Where are you going with this? I need the name and explanation, Kiko. Who's the fucker? Who did you fuck behind my back?"

Kiko's eyes widen once again, understanding Jungkook's loud tone and annoyance. Straightening himself, he lets out a huff as he settles a glare back on her. She visibly shifts on her spot, biting the inside of her cheek before she finally looks up at him.

"No one." she whispers.

"What kind of fucked up game is this?!" he exclaims, smacking his hands against thighs frustratedly. He has to turn around, taking a deep breath before he faces her again while she sits behind the table, looking small and fragile.

He has every right to have this kind of reaction. He feels like he doesn't understand anything.

"I'm telling you the truth... no one."

Jungkook scoffs at that, "Were you even planning on telling me? Why did you come here? I told you I want an explanation but all I got so far is--"

"I'm telling you right now," she interrupts him, "No one. The answer is no one, Jungkook,"

He's speechless for a moment, staring at her completely dumbfounded with a half-opened mouth as his brows furrowed in a confused glare. He's too shocked and confused to say anything and Kiko doesn't beat around the bush this time, opening her mouth again.

"I've never cheated on you." she says softly, Jungkook's mind completely shutting down as he just stares at her.

He's not even breathing, quickly gripping the edge of stool as he stares at her with wide doe eyes. "You what..." he whispers, finally taking a short and shaky breath.

"When you wanted to know why I broke up with you, you told me what Hoseok told you. I panicked because he promised me he wouldn't interfere and say anything to you, it's not his fault though. I begged him not to tell you anything and he has been nothing but a great friend to me. But for a moment I thought you knew, but then you added that you don't know the reason and you suddenly questioned me about cheating."

"B-but you said..." he trails off, too shocked to even finish a sentence. Oh fuck, he swears he's about to faint. He's not sure whether he should be happy or not, but all he can feel is a pure shock that makes him almost unable to react properly.

"I panicked," She looks down in shame as she says it. "I went along with it because I know the truth would hurt you more."

"So you lied to me? All this time I thought you cheated on me, the hell, Y/N hates you for it and I was suffering ever since you told me that. You even realize what I've been going through?" he exclaims, not believing what he's hearing right now. Is there a chance she's lying right now? She said it herself, she didn't want to tell Jungkook any more details. She could be easily lying and tell him this to make him believe that she never cheated. Would she be able to do that? Fuck, he's not sure.

"I'm so sorry," she tells him, features curled into a sympathetic gaze which Jungkook responds to with a scoff. "No matter what I say will make up for what I caused you. That's why I broke up with you and wasn't planning on getting back together. I made a mistake, I should've stayed away from you."

"No," Jungkook shakes his head firmly, "You should've been honest with me from the beginning. That's what I deserve."

She doesn't deny it, he's completely right and she knows it. She's not just sad and hurt, but also ashamed that she's being called out by Jungkook at this very moment, fully realizing things are about to get worse. Jungkook is already looking like he's barely holding up.

"I know..." she whispers.

A few seconds of silence follows as Jungkook is completely overwhelmed by the news, feeling like a rock has fallen off his heart. All this time he thought he wasn't good enough, tried not to think about her cheating too much even though that was almost impossible. And for his own sake, he settled on not wanting to know any details. Would she keep lying if he insisted knowing how it happened and with who?

But as his mind starts to process more thoughts and different kinds of possible scenarios, he's remembered of what she has said too. This is no longer just about cheating that proved to be a product of a big and painful lie.

"So, what's the truth?"

Kiko has been waiting for him to ask that but once he does, she's not ready for it as she expected to be. Deep down, she knows she wouldn't ever be ready for this but it's something she has to do.

"You told me the truth will hurt me more, so I'm asking... What's the truth? What's the real reason why you broke up with me?"

You're confused when you're in the middle of sorting out your dirty laundry when your phone starts to ring. Maybe it's Jungkook, you think, wondering what he's up to. He was acting weird yesterday when he picked you up. As much as you wanted to make sure he's okay and maybe pry a little to know if something happened, you quickly stopped yourself because he obviously didn't want to talk about it. Maybe he had a fight with Kiko. After all, she's still a sensitive topic between you two and even though you mostly try to keep your opinions rational, it's been a very dangerous zone mentioning her.

He could tell you they had an argument and you wouldn't even have to hear what it was about before you'd have a bitter remark back. And Jungkook knows that, so he probably decided not to say anything. Plus, it doesn't have to be something serious.

However, being you and your usual nosy self, you didn't miss the opportunity to ask Jimin when he texted you later in the evening yesterday. Apparently, they both acted weird and when Jungkook left to pick you up, Kiko left soon after looking as if she was crying. Hoseok was acting weird too, almost as if he knew what happened between them but never commented on it for the rest of the night.

Your brows twist into a confusion when an unknown number is calling you, your annoyance rising. It's probably another mobile operator or someone from the insurance company trying to get you to take a mortgage. You're about to cancel the call but you've this weird feeling, something urging you to pick up. It's Sunday, do they even call on Sundays?

With a sigh, you pick up the phone and you're not going to lie, annoyed you make an appearance when you not so pleasantly answer the call with a; "Hello?"

"Y/N?"

You're confused, pulling away from the phone with a scrunched nose and confused glare as you stare at the unknown number. The voice seems familiar but you can't quite pinpoint who it is. "Yeah?"

"It's me Hoseok," he says, somehow sounding nervous for some reason. When did he even get your number? You've never given it to him, that's for sure. There never was a reason to give him your number anyway.

"You free to talk?"

"Uhhh, yeah?" you ask unsurely, caging your phone between your cheek and shoulder as you start continuing to rummage through your clothes, separating white from colorful clothing.

"Listen, I need you to come to Jungkook's place."

You freeze for a second, "And why's that?"

"He needs you." he says, sounding more confident and kind of panicky which makes a pang hit you in your chest.

"Did something happen?" You sound an alarm, dropping down your dirty white blouse back to the laundry basket that's on the floor as you straighten yourself, gripping the phone into your hand.

"I--just trust me please. You need to come to Jungkook's place like, right now. He needs you."

"You're scaring me, Hoseok." you tell him, but your legs still move you to your bedroom to get you out of your pajamas before you're already pulling out a random pair of sweatpants from your closet.

"I'm sorry, but I had to call you. Please, just come here as fast as you can." He sounds desperate and what you can't see is the way Hoseok frustratedly rubs his forehead as he stares at the apartment complex where Jungkook lives.

He's been in his car for quite some time and there hasn't been any sign from Kiko coming down. He knows their conversation will take its time, he's fully aware of it but he knows what Kiko is about to tell him won't end up good. For both of them, but right now, he's mainly concerned about Jungkook. What is about to be dropped down on him will ruin him.

"Alright, I'm coming."

Hoseok hears rustling and you rushing, the call between you two ending as he lets out a shaky breath. He doesn't feel any better but still, there's at least some kind of hope that you'll get here.

After all, he wasn't lying. Jungkook needs you, even if he doesn't know it yet.

Each passing second seems like an hour, at least to Jungkook who stares at his girlfriend with a stern and solid look. He's completely oblivious to the battle that's happening inside her head. She's going to lose him, she knows she will but she has to face the consequences. She also has to come with the terms that's what's going to happen. There's no way she can save their relationship after this.

What Jungkook is not oblivious about, is her constant shaking fingers that yes, breaks his heart but he has to control his worried and protective side. It's nothing new but he knows she's the one at fault in this and as much as his heart is big and generous, he just wants to know the truth after all.

"Listen," he sighs, widening his eyes when she flinches, not expecting him to say something. It's like she's scared of whatever he's about to say. It makes him even more nervous, but also curious why she's acting like this.

"Whatever you're about to tell me, I can see it's affecting you and you're worrying me. But I've to know, you understand that, right?"

She nods weakly, sniffling a little as she looks up and meets his big doe eyes that aren't as welcoming as they were when they met. He looks stern, features hard and sharp but even despite that, there's a hint of concern in his chocolate dark eyes.

But this time, Jungkook doesn't wait around and stares at her, giving her the time. So he presses again, impatience clear in his voice. "Tell me the reason, Kik."

And that's the hitting point when a loud sob leaves her mouth as she starts crying, covering her face with hands. Jungkook's features soften but he doesn't move from his spot, simply watching her body shake as she cries. She's trying to hold it in, pulling hands away from her face as she takes a deep yet shaky breath. And then she musters all the courage to look him in the eyes for god knows how many times.

"I... I was pregnant,"

The words are whispered but Jungkook has heard it nevertheless, his whole body freezing. What did she say? It feels like the blood has drained from his body and the whole world has stopped. He'd have believed it if it weren't for Kiko and her obvious body movement as she starts sobbing.

"You--what?" Jungkook manages to choke out, feeling his throat tightening and even the simplest thing like breathing makes him feel like he's about to choke.

Kiko's features twist painfully as she sucks in breath before opening her mouth. She has already said it. There's no way of going back. "I was pregnant,"

This time slightly louder, Jungkook's mouth falls open as the same shock fills up his whole face.

"With your baby."

And that makes him almost lose his balance, his hands quickly grasping the edge of the kitchen island. All he can hear is the word 'pregnant', not believing that this is happening. The simple sentence keeps repeating in his head but it's far from simple, he still can't fully process what she just said to him.

He feels ringing in his ears, shutting his eyes tightly when he can't forget another detail in the three word sentence. His voice comes out as desperate, the usual sweet yet deep voice is gone as both of them can hear that it's breaking. He is breaking.

And again, Kiko braces herself for yet another shocking and breaking news that would surely be the ending call. Full of shame, her own voice breaking when she says; "I got an abortion."

And that's the final straw for Jungkook because before shock fully settles inside him again, he can't take it and feels a harsh pang in his chest. That kind of pain that he has never felt before. Sadness, betrayal, anger... he can't possibly name all the emotions he's experiencing and feeling right now.

Jungkook doesn't think of himself as someone who's mentally completely strong, can get through anything in life and is undestroyable. Yet, he's not weak either. Oh, well, it's better to say that he never really had to experience something that would make him feel weak – at least not to the point he felt like going on his knees. But that's changed. Because if it weren't for the tight grip he has on a kitchen island, he'd surely be on his knees right now.

He lets his heart and emotions speak, the utter heartbreak and loss he's feeling makes his eyes sting with tears as they start coming down his cheeks in waves. No sound makes it past his lips though. Once he hears the stool screech against his marble floor in the kitchen, he grows tense and turns around.

Kiko stops in her tracks, her face mirroring Jungkook as she can't seem to stop crying, but this time they just stare at each other. Kiko stares in pain, Jungkook in a hundred other emotions that's enough to break every single heart that would see him.

"Why?"

It's a simple question, yet holds so much pain as Jungkook manages to ask, having to look away because he's not sure how much he can look at her without breaking apart.

Maybe something happened and she had to-- no, he's not going to think about possible reasons of why she did that just to make himself feel better, even if it's not possible.

"I--I wasn't ready," she tries to say, her voice shaky as she notices the way Jungkook's whole back tenses while his jaw is clenched so tightly that he's scared he's about to crack it.

Betrayal is the first thing that crosses his mind. There are so many questions that keep screaming inside his mind and it causes something to snap inside him. Grabbing his phone that's been sitting a few inches from his hands, he surprises both of them when he throws it against the wall. The device breaks apart as soon as it hits the wall, flying to three different directions.

Kiko jumps in surprise, a surprised yelp leaving her mouth and more tears welled up in her eyes when she glances back at Jungkook who keeps his head low, shaking his head.

"We weren't ready, Jungkook. It happened all of a sudden--"

"That happens when people have unprotected sex," he snaps, straightening himself as he turns around and glares at her. Despite the anger evident on his face, there's mostly sadness and disappointment that anyone would notice if they knew Jungkook for so long.

"I was on birth control, Jungkook," she reminds him softly and stupidly, knowing it's completely lame – at least Jungkook thinks that when he scoffs loudly.

They both knew the risks, obviously both of them weren't planning on having a baby so soon. He wanted to do it step by step. Maybe he's old fashioned but he wanted her to move in with him. He knew he wanted to propose in the near future as well. But if she got pregnant and even if it wasn't planned, he wouldn't be angry and he would act responsibly according to that.

They are a couple, were dating for over two years back then, but that's not what breaks him the most. Is the fact she did something like that without him knowing. She didn't tell him, she kept it a secret and it was too late to change her mind. It hurts him to think she didn't come up to him and talked to him about it.

"I can't believe you," he whispers, shutting his eyes tightly because a sudden mourn overcomes him. He's not sure how much he can take. "I deserved to know!" he suddenly yells, shaky hands going into his hair as he tugs on it harshly.

She stares in shame at him, knowing looks are crossing her features but there's nothing she can do. She can't change anything.

It all makes sense. How scared she looked when he asked her about the reason for their break-up. How guilty she looked and said she made a mistake, that she regrets it and will live with it for the rest of her life.

He suddenly imagines their baby, wondering if it was a girl or a boy. What the baby would look like. Would the baby look like him? Would the baby have his personality? Would the baby be a perfect mix of them both?

Being a father wasn't his nearest goal but surely was something he was looking forward to and if it happened at the most unexpected time, he wouldn't even think of getting rid of... her or him?

"You didn't tell me, I had every right to know about that! How dare you make such a decision without me even knowing you were--" He can't bring himself to even say it, pressing his lips tightly while she wipes the never ending tears off her cheeks.

"It's my body." She tries to argue, trying to find something to protect herself even though she realizes Jungkook is right. She had much more time to think about this than he has. Everything he feels towards her right now, she felt towards herself for months.

"And it was my baby too!" he yells, trashing his hands angrily. "I can't believe you'd have done something like this. You betrayed me. You--you didn't even tell me you were pregnant, we could've talked about it. Do you think I wouldn't be able to take care of you?"

She shakes her head quickly, desperation curling on her face as she tries to take a step closer to him but he takes a step back.

"Of course not," she cries out.

Now it's not the time to feel insecure but fuck, does it hurt knowing she didn't want to have his baby. After two years of dating, he thought she loved him. That she trusted him and she completely broke his trust, and him too.

"The doctor told me there's a chance the baby is not healthy. They couldn't run too many tests because I was still early in the pregnancy... it was a risk and--and I panicked," Jungkook scoffs, getting angrier and sadder with each word she says. It's like he can't stand her talking. "Jungkook, I've thought about it every second since the doctor told me that. We weren't ready for a baby, Jungkook, but if the doctor told me the baby is all healthy, things would be different. We would be able to work it out maybe, but--"

"Shut up," Jungkook cuts her off, taking a shaky breath as he shakes his head, "Just shut up," he says angrily this time.

"When-- when did you..."

He doesn't even have to finish a sentence for her to know what she's asking.

"After I broke up with you," she whispers, seeing another pained look on Jungkook's face.

So when she broke up with him, she was carrying their baby. The baby they made with love without them even knowing. Still, it was proof of their love – expected or not.

"I couldn't--I couldn't tell you what I was about to do. I knew it'd affect you and hurt you, I knew it'd destroy you--"

"So you came up with a lame excuse. Do you even know what I've been through? What have I done to get you back?" He bitterly chuckles at himself how stupid and naive he was. He was fighting for her this whole time without knowing she fucking betrayed him and hurt him in a complete different manner.

She looks away, not being able to look him in the eyes as she weakly nods, sobbing.

"I understand it's your body--but the baby--it was mine too. I had every right to know about it." He tries to sound angry but his voice cracks and he's ready to fall apart.

"I know..."

"You know?!" he yells, ignoring the way she flinches. "You know and yet you've--just--leave, fucking leave." he snaps desperately, hands rubbing his red and puffy face as his palms get wet from the tears that are running down his face.

He's not sure if he ever cried like this before. One thing he knows is that he has never felt this kind of heartbreak and pain before. This is something completely new to him and he has no idea how to cope with it. But what he does know is that he can't be in her presence. Not when he can barely look at her.

"Jungkook, please--" she cries out, running towards him as she grasps his hands desperately but she gets pushed away easily by him. It's the first time he has ever done something like that. She is shocked but then the shock is gone, fully understanding his reaction. It's breaking her.

"Get out," he snaps, pointing towards the door. She's crying, loudly and messily and still tries to hold onto Jungkook but he grasps her forearms and shakes her a little. "Get the fuck out!" he yells, pushing her away, still careful not to push her too hard. He really doesn't want to hurt her, he's not capable of hurting her like that but right now, the pain is ruining him..

"I don't ever wanna see you again."

She freezes, her mouth opening before a loud choked sob leaves her mouth. She's staring at him, stupidly hoping that he said it just because he's hurt but no. He's too upset right now and she fears that when she walks out of this apartment, she will never see him again. A tiny part of her is reconciled with that but the other rejects the most obvious. This is what she has been so scared of. Her biggest fear became a reality. She knows it's all her fault, she messed up badly and there's no turning back because one look at Jungkook, she already knows she lost him.

The usual sweet and loving boyfriend that has always loved her from day one, is now standing a few meters away from her completely broken, and it's all because of her.

And that moment she realizes that there's nothing she can do and the best thing she can do for him, is to leave as he requests. It's enough that he can't even look her in the eyes, avoiding to look even in the direction she's standing. He despises her, hates her probably right now. She wouldn't be surprised.

So she turns around, barely holding herself as she quickly rushes out of his front door after grabbing her coat and putting on her shoes, nearly colliding with someone that almost easily pushes her to the ground, if it weren't for the grasp on her shoulders that holds her balanced.

The first thing you notice is the way her whole body shakes, loud sobs leaving her mouth as she looks at her, probably not recognizing you at first from her blurry vision and all the tears that are the cause of that.

"What happened?" you ask shocked, letting go of her hands as she's crying so hard that even you're shocked and completely speechless. Yet, your heart beats fast at all the possible scenarios that happened.

You haven't talked to Hoseok, not even when you rushed out of your car and noticed his own parked in the distance. All you could think of were his words and that you're needed right now. But you've never imagined this – Kiko shaking and crying so much that you're actually worried about her. She looks like seconds from a panic attack and you panic too, cursing that you didn't call for Hoseok so he could come up with you.

But you couldn't have expected this to happen.

She's shaking her head, trying to rush past you but you block her, staring at her with wide eyes.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry!" she cries out, bumping into you as she rushes past you, not even waiting for the elevator as she takes the stairs.

You stand there frozen for a moment, but that's until you hear a loud crash coming from Jungkook's apartment, the front door of it still opened when Kiko barged out of there. You quickly rush inside, shutting the door with a loud thud that makes you cringe. You don't even take off your shoes, your heart dropping when you hear another crash that comes out from the kitchen.

The sight you see when you make it there, it's something you've never seen before and it makes your heart drop all over again. Jungkook is like in a trance, glass scattered all over the floor as he grabs a cup on the dining table before he smashes it against the wall. The dark liquid makes an awful stain on the wall and you gasp, rushing towards Jungkook when he's already taking another vase off his kitchen counter.

"Jungkook! Jungkook!" you yell at him, gripping his wrists tightly as he fights against your hold.

It's only when you get closer to him you realize that he's crying, his eyes red and puffy, causing your stomach to twist. His hair is falling into his face but you can still make out the pain and how much he's trying to turn, so you can't see him. But it's too late.

You almost yelp when he tries to pry your hands off him, him being completely stronger he can do that very easily, but not in his current state.

"What happened? Jungkook, what happened?" You're surprised when a loud sob comes out of his mouth, completely shattering your shocked state as the simple sound and sight of him makes you cry too as you ask him those questions. It already breaks your heart to see him like this and there's no time to be shocked about it.

He's crying, a choked up sobs causing his body to shake before he stumbles into the wall behind him and you're trying to hold him, as he slides down the wall defeatedly, with you going with him.

You're not waiting for anything, your body moving automatically as you hug him closer to yourself, his face pressed against your chest as he finally allows himself to cry even more.

All you can do is to be there for him so you hold him, not uttering a single word because you know nothing you could say would help. You hold him tightly, letting him know you're there for him even though you're not sure if he truly pays attention to you. Hoseok was right, he needs you.

What the hell happened here? Did he and Kiko fight to the point it went this wrong? None of this makes any sense, so you wonder... Did he fight out who she cheated with? Did he figure out who it was? And Hoseok knowing all about this – is he the one who she cheated with? Your thoughts are running wild, frequently distracted by Jungkook who has seemed to calm down in your hold as he has stopped resisting.

However, the constant crying never ends, not even when the loud sobs aren't just as loud anymore. The whole kitchen looks like a mess, glass shattered everywhere caused by Jungkook's anger or whatever that was and you kick a few shards away from the two of you, so you wouldn't cut on it accidentally. It's like a bomb has exploded here and it makes you even more concerned.

"You're okay..." you murmur, your voice shaky as your own cheeks are wet from the tears. Pecking the top of his head you hear him sob again as this time, he holds your arms and squeezes it tightly.

He's far from okay actually, anyone could tell that.

Just when it seems as if he calmed down, occasional sniffles coming out of him while his body seems to not be shaking as much, you don't expect him to say anything. You've been sitting there for quite some time, you holding him while he cries it out whatever that has happened between him and Kiko.

"She... she was pregnant," You barely understand what he's saying, but somehow you catch onto it and your breath hitches. "She never cheated," he speaks out, voice completely broken and raspy from all the crying. He doesn't even sound like Jungkook and that scares you. You're seriously worried about him but you don't dare to move to look at his face.

You're glad he's able to talk, that he's talking to you.

And you don't ask, no matter how much your heart drops at his words, no matter how shocked you're. You let him tell you at his own pace, even though your mind is going crazy. Kiko and pregnant? Was pregnant? The worst scenarios are about to come up in your head but you shake them off, heart painfully crying for Jungkook instead.

"She got rid of our baby." And that's when he loses it all over again, crying out loud as he says that extremely painful truth that makes you gasp, your own sobs leaving your mouth when Jungkook breaks all over again.

And you're breaking with him, not being able to imagine what kind of pain he's going through. You're completely clueless of what to do and how to ease his pain, knowing it's not possible at the moment and if ever.

So, just like you've been doing ever since you rushed to his place, you hold him even tighter, your lips giving a peck on the top of his head. Even the mess of scattered glass on the floor doesn't compare to the damage Jungkook's heart is experiencing.

#bts angst #bts smut #bts fluff #bts au #jungkook x reader #jungkook fanfic #jungkook au #personasintro

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melluvsuu · 4 months ago

Text

“ 𝐋𝐈𝐌𝐈𝐓𝐋𝐄𝐒𝐒 𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐓𝐑𝐎𝐋 . ”

CHAPTER 01 ──── GOOD ASSISTANT ! ‹3

characters : gojo, makima, megumi, nobara, yuji

context : you start to meet this strange lady, odd enough she takes interest in you, and this random white haired guy too. sooner or later you a 'jujutsu sorcerer' and meet sukunas vessel. twins!!

authors notes : this better blow up or im crying...

warnings : ooc, male!reader, male pronouns, reader referred as 'you', chapter takes place in ep 1 of jjk, plus extra non canon stuff, mistakes probably..

,, 𝐌𝐎𝐑𝐄 𝐔𝐍𝐃𝐄𝐑 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐂𝐔𝐓. 𝜚

UNKNOWN LOCATION

JANUARY 7 , 2009 04:32:18

You wake up to the cool sensation of grass beneath your fingers, soft and damp from the night air. It’s dark—so dark that you can barely make out your surroundings. A thick, inky blackness stretches out in every direction, swallowing the horizon. The sky above has doors—different shapes, sizes, and colours, each standing upright without walls or frames to support them. Some are tall and imposing, carved from dark wood with intricate patterns.

“[Name]-kun.”

You blinked, trying to process the voice. “Who is this?”

A figure stepped into view, you can’t make out the details. It’s human, or atleast looks human. Feminine body, and glowing spiral yellow eyes, “My name is Makima. I assume you're [Name]? Correct.”

You narrowed your eyes, “Yes… Where are we.?”

“My ‘domain’. Hell. There’s really nothing here but us, don’t worry about that white albino paintbrush listening in. Let’s chat!”

She sits down near your head as your body automatically seem to get closer to her lap. She rests her hands on your hair, gently stroking it.

“Let’s make a contract–binding vow, shall we? We’ll discuss this topic at a different time, but for now we can just get to know one another.”

You considered her words, the weight of the offer sinking in.“Alright.”

TOKYO METROPOLITAN CURSE TECHNICAL COLLEGE

JUNE 14, 2015 , 07:27:02

“Wakey-wakey, eggs and bakey~!” The white-haired, blindfolded man exclaimed, turning toward you with a playful grin.

Who is this guy? You thought, feeling the tight ropes binding you and surrounded by a chaotic mix of talismans. As your vision slowly cleared, you studied him closely—he seemed oddly familiar. Why?

“Why am I here?” You managed to ask, still trying to regain your bearings.

The blindfolded man flashed an infuriating smirk, ” Great, just what I needed…” You thought, annoyed.

“For your execution, of course!”

“My execution?”

“Yup, yours! But…”

“But?” you echoed, your confusion deepening.

You watched as he stood up, crossing his arms with a confident air. “You won’t be executed if you agree to be my assistant, [Name]-chan.”

“What—who the hell are you?” You asked, tilting your head slightly to get a better look.

“It’s me, Gojo Satoru. If you accept my offer, you can live. What do you say, hm?”

You sat in silence as he leaned in closer, his breath warm against your ear. “I really need a strong assistant, [Name]-chan.”

“Ugh, fine! Just don’t touch my ear, you weirdo,” you replied, instinctively leaning away from him.

“Fantastic!” he exclaimed, his excitement palpable.

YOKOHAMA , SANKEIEN GARDEN

JUNE 5, 2018 21:48:29

BANG—!

You stepped down hard on the curse’s head, the sickening crunch echoing in the stillness of the night. Disgust twisted your features as you felt the remnants of the creature’s essence ooze beneath their boot.

“Gross.” You spat. You glanced up at the sky, now draped in deep shades of indigo and very few shades of orange.. It was a beautiful scene, the upcoming stars twinkling like distant memories. You could enjoy this scene…

“[Name]-chan, look here!” Gojou shouted.

Nevermind.

“Gojo-sa—”

“Call me Satoru, silly!” he interrupted.

With a resigned sigh, you replied, “Satoru-san, why did you let me exorcize such a weakling?” They removed their black coat, using it to wipe the blood splatter from their face, feeling both exhilarated and slightly exasperated.

“Well, I like seeing you like this!” he said with a smirk, his eyes glinting with mischief.

Noticing a streak of the curse’s blood on Gojou’s cheek, You pointed at it, a playful glint in their eye. “Something wrong, [Name]-chan?”

Gojou looked at the finger pointing at his cheek, and it suddenly clicked for him—you wanted a kiss! Of course, who wouldn’t want to kiss the great Satoru Gojo? He leaned down, dramatically pressing his lips against the spot, a teasing grin on his face. “Is that what you wanted?”

Annoyance flashed in your eyes as they rolled them. “No. There was some blood on your cheek.” You wiped the blood away, their voice steady. “And we have another ‘mission’, we found Sukuna's finger.”

“Well then, let’s get going! Ooh! I also want to stop by a famous mochi restaurant on our way!” Gojo exclaimed, grabbing your wrist and leading them away with an eager tug.

As you walked toward the train station, you felt a sudden presence behind you. A familiar weight settled as someone clung their arms around their neck.

“[Name]-kun,” Came the sultry voice, dripping with irritation. You recognized it instantly—Makima, she was not pleased. “Why did that man kiss you?” She rested her head against his shoulder.

“I… didn’t expect him to do it, so shut up...” You mumbled, swatting her away with a half-hearted gesture

JUNIOR HIGH SCHOOL

JUNE 5, 2018 22:02:01

“Under Jujusten Regulation, Itadori Yuji, I will exorcise you as a curse!” Megumi declared.

“Hold up, I’m fine!” Yuji replied, raising his hand in a gesture of reassurance. “Besides, both of us are kinda beaten up,” he added, glancing down at his body where the tattoos—symbols of his connection to Sukuna—began to slowly fade away, like shadows dissipating at dawn.

“We should go to the hospital,” Yuji suggested, his tone shifting to one of concern.

Megumi hesitated, his mind racing, ‘I can’t tell if it’s really him or if it’s the special grade object influencing him, he thought anxiously. Damn, what should I do?’

Just then, a white-haired figure appeared seemingly out of nowhere. “What’s the situation?” he asked nonchalantly, as if he hadn’t just materialised from thin air.

“Gojo-sensei? [Name]-sama? What are you both doing here?” Megumi stammered, momentarily caught off guard.

Gojo chuckled, a mischievous glint in his eyes, although hidden by the blindfold, you could sense it. “Well, I heard from a little birdie that Sukuna’s finger was in the area,” he explained, his tone teasing as he reached for his phone.

He was interrupted as you snatched the device from his hands. “Plus, the higher-ups wouldn’t stop nagging about a missing special-grade object!” Gojo continued, unperturbed. “And I dragged [Name] along while I was out sightseeing. By the way, did you manage to find it?”

“Uh… I ate it,” Yuji confessed sheepishly.

A stunned silence fell over the group. “For real?” You and Gojo echoed simultaneously, eyes wide in disbelief.

“For real,” Yuji and Megumi parroted back.

Gojou strode over to Yuji, bending down to examine him closely. “Hmm, you really did merge with it?” He chuckled as he straightened up, clearly amused by the situation. “Is there anything wrong with your body?”

“Nope,” Yuji replied.

“Can you swap out with Sukuna?” You interjected.

“Sukuna?” Yuji’s brow furrowed in confusion.

“Yeah, the curse you ingested,” You clarified.

“Oh, right! I think I can do that!” Yuji said, giving a thumbs up.

“Alright, give him about ten seconds, then take control back,” You instructed, offering a half-hearted smile to lighten the mood.

“But—” Yuji started, but you cut him off.

“Don’t worry; I’m the strongest,” Gojou smirked, his trademark bravado eliciting groans from both you and Megumi.

“Megumi, hold this!” Gojou tossed a bag into his hands.

“What’s this?” Megumi asked, perplexed.

“Kokufuku from Kikusuian! It’s Sendai’s specialty, and it’s absolutely delicious! I highly recommend the Zunda and Cream flavour!” Gojo exclaimed, his excitement palpable.

As Gojo continued to yap on about his trip and the delicious treats, [Name] couldn’t resist the urge to snag a piece of his Kokufuku. It was every bit as good as he’d claimed, the flavours dancing on your tongue.

“Hey! [Name]-chan, don’t eat my food! That’s really rude!” Gojo whined, eyes wide in faux betrayal.

“Hey, behind you!” Megumi shouted, you pulled him back by his collar just as a special grade cursed spirit lunged at Gojo. You instinctively tensed, knowing all too well how this would end—Gojo would emerge victorious once again because, as he liked to remind everyone, he was ‘the strongest.’

“Look, that kid is still alive after being thrown into a building,” You said sarcastically, feeling the exhaustion seeping into your bones.

“Yeah, it’s about time,” Gojou replied, as if on cue.

As if in response to Gojo's words, Yuji’s tattoos faded once more, his body slumping as Megumi let out a sigh of relief. “Colour me impressed!” Gojou exclaimed, hovering above Yuji. “You can really control it!”

“Yeah, but he’s kind of annoying,” Yuji muttered, aggressively patting his own head, “I can hear his dumb voice in my head.”

“It’s a miracle that’s all he’s doing,” Gojou remarked casually, poking Yuji’s forehead with two fingers, which caused him to immediately pass out.

“What did you do?” Megumi asked, his tone a mix of exasperation and curiosity.

“He knocked him out, Megumi-kun,” You replied, leaning back against the nearby railing, fatigue washing over you. “Can I go home, please? I’m tired.”

“Not just yet, [Name]-chan. If he isn’t possessed by Sukuna when he wakes up, he might have potential as a vessel,” Gojou said, the seriousness of his tone cutting through the lighthearted banter.

“I have a question for you! What should we do with him?” Gojou turned to Megumi, his expression contemplative.

After a moment of thought, Megumi replied, “If he is a vessel, Jujutsu regulations demand that Itadori be executed. However, I don’t want him to die.”

“Is that a personal opinion?” Gojou raised an eyebrow, his smirk fading slightly.

“Yes. It’s a personal opinion. Please do something about it,” Megumi insisted, the weight of his words hanging in the air.

“Well, if it’s a request from a precious student, leave it to me! Now, someone carry Yuji. It seems my beloved future husband has fallen asleep!” Gojou declared with exaggerated enthusiasm.

Megumi turned to you, noticing that you had indeed succumbed to fatigue and drifted off, your head lolling to the side. You must have been really tired—or just really lazy.

“—Wait. Future husband? [Name]-san doesn’t even like you,” he deadpanned, disbelief etched across his face.

“Nuh-uh! He does! He let me kiss him before we came here,” Gojou retorted proudly, a goofy grin plastered across his face. Megumi’s frustration bubbled beneath the surface, and he couldn’t help but feel a strong urge to punch Gojou right then and there.

additional notes : if it has mistakes idc,, uhm yeah woohoo

word count : 1.7k

dont steal or repost my stuff that makes me go crazy!

#❛　　𝒞　　⏖　　melluvs writing.　　𝜚　　𓈒 #jjk x male reader #jjk fanfic #jjk x reader #jjk x ftm reader #jjk x gender neutral reader #jjk gojo #jjk yuji #jjk x csm #jujutsu kaisen x you #jujutsu itadori #jujutsu gojo #jujutsu kaisen #jujustsu kaisen x reader #jujutsu nanami #chainsaw man #chainsaw man x reader #chainsaw man x male reader #csm makima

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twohearts-hs · 6 months ago

Text

Always & Forever Eighteen - Marshall Mathers x Reader Series

Words: 4.6k

Pairings: Marshall Mathers x Fem!Reader Series

Synopsis: They loved each other with every fibre and being. They knew that they were meant to be together, but it seemed like every obstacle came in the way. She was twenty-one, he was forty and they knew that it would be hard. Therefore, they promised forever and always as they were meant to be together despite every turmoil that came their way.

Warnings: Swearing, Alcohol, & Angst.

|| Masterlist for Series ||

Hope you enjoy :)

March 2018

Y/N was incredibly successful. In the five years she had become incredibly successful. From graduating with her master’s degree, to having her art headline shows and then securing a job as an art curator. Life was amazing! Life was terrific! Life was working exactly the way she wanted.

Remaining true to their word, Marshall ad Y/N had not talked over the past few years. She had sent an email a few times as a thank you for the birthday wishes, but that was it. There was no catch-up, or small talk. They simply moved on. Y/N kept tabs on her ex-boyfriend, seeing he was releasing music. The Marshall Mathers LP2 dropped not long after they ended, and then Revival came which was also a very good album despite the uproar. She followed him on Instagram and saw him pop up once and a while which was fine for her.

Additionally, Marshall sent a birthday present every year. She got the Cartier bracelet on her graduation and since then he sent another one on her birthday each year. Each one has a different style. She had four now and she knew she would get a fifth soon.

New York City was her home. However, she had not dated any man since Marshall. She could not bring herself too. Instead, she began seeing a woman. She had a long-term partner, Aemma who was a journalist, but she moved to London in January. She loved Aemma a lot, but not in the way she loved Marshall.

Marshall on the other hand… was just living his life the best he could.

It was the beginning of March when Y/N came home. The city that never slept was no quieter tonight, but inside Y/N’s apartment, a rare silence settled as she stood alone, clutching the velvet-lined box that arrived today.

Her birthday was tomorrow. Twenty-six years old and she still had no idea what she was doing.

However, when she opened the box exposing the Cartier bangle. This one was a diamond tennis bracelet in the metal she most desired. It gleamed under the dim light of her living room. Now five…five years without him. A silence testament to the love that lingered despite the distance and time. Her fingers traced the bracelet…he spent a fortune.

Her phone buzzed on the table, pulling her from her reverie. It was a message from Aemma checking on her who is now thousands of kilometres away in London. Y/N glanced down at the message but did not open it. Instead, she found herself putting the bracelet on and pulling out the little note.

Doll,

Happy 26th.

Always and forever.

-M

She smiled at the note. Always and forever just like the first one that was engraved with their saying. The memory of Marshall’s last words to her played on a loop in her mind. He said it with such conviction that she had almost believed, but life had taken them down different paths. Paths that never seemed to converge, no matter how much she wished they would.

As she stood there, lost in thought over the grieving of her favourite relationship, the distant sounds of the city began to fade. She was transported back to when they first met.

Their love had been passionate, intense and ultimately, too powerful to sustain. They burned too bright, too fast, leaving nothing but ashes in their wake. Yet, despite the pain, the heartbreak, and the years apart, Y/N could not deny the part of her still yearned for the fire they once shared.

The bracelets…five of them were a reminder of the past, but also a beacon of hope for the future. She knew she had to move forward, but she could not help but wonder if there was still a chance for them. Could their paths cross again? Could they find a way back to each other?

Y/N was back in Detroit. For the first time in five years, she was back in Detroit. It was Meira’s wedding. She saw her best friend two weeks ago in Vegas for the bachelorette but her being a Detroiter for life, she had her wedding in the city.

Her new husband was also in science. Meira became a researcher in stem cells and her husband is a neurological doctor. She was happy which made Y/N happy.

Y/N adjusted the strap of her hunter-green bridesmaid dress. It had straps and a deep-v, making her breasts pop as she glanced around the bustling wedding venue. She was twenty-six now. Her life was coming together, but she did not know a single person at this wedding due to being away for five years. She had no idea who the rest of the bridesmaids were despite meeting them two weeks ago in Vegas.

Meira stood radiant in her wedding gown, surrounded by laughter and joy and her new husband. It was a beautiful day. The wedding was at her family farm outside of Detroit by the lake.

As she mingled through the crowd, she had a glass of white wine in her hand as she talked to people and shared stories. It was nearing the end of the night when she spotted a girl she had not seen in forever. Dark brunette hair, tall and curvy but tiny at the same time. She turned around and Y/N instantly recognised her.

Hailie Jade.

“No way,” she mumbled walking up to her. She was talking to another woman, but their eyes met.

“Y/N!” she exclaimed taking a step forward.

“Hi,” Y/N replied accepting her hug and pressing a kiss to her cheek. “Wow, look at you all grown up. You have to be what… twenty-two now?” she asked.

“Sure am. Look at you, all grown up now too. What have you been up to?” she exclaimed.

“Ah, just the art world. Is Alaina here too?”

“Yes, and dad,” she said. “Do you want me to find him?” she asked, looking over the crowd.

“Oh,” Y/N said unsure of what to say. “It’s ok. I will probably run into him at some point.”

“You won’t recognise him. He has dark hair now and a beard. Looking like he is forty-five nearing forty-six.”

Y/N chuckled. “He always ages like fine wine.; I have seen pictures on Instagram. He looks good.”

“How about you tell him yourself as he is heading over here,” Hailie said. Y/N turned around and spotted the man she left behind.

He was dressed in a suit, his hair short and buzzed dark with a beard. His eyes still shined bright, and their eyes meant. He was holding two glasses and when he spotted Y/N, he stopped for a moment, licking his lips and eyes looking at her with disbelief. He did not age at all.

“Go say hi,” Hailie said.

Y/N was unsure what to do. However, as they stared at one another, Marshall got the confidence to walk towards her. The air was thick with unspoken words and memories. Y/N felt a rush of emotions – nostalgia, longing and a hint of sadness mixed with the undeniable thrill of seeing him again after so long.

“Y/N,” he said softly, voice carrying a mixture of surprise and something deeper.

“Marshall,” she replied, her voice barely above a whisper. She glanced down at her hands, nervously twisting the bracelets on her wrists – gifts from him over the years, a silent reminder of their shared past.

Marshall glanced down to see the series of bangles and he smiled. She wore them…she always wore them. “I didn’t expect to see you here, but now I do because you’re Meira’s best friend from college,” he admitted, his gaze searching hers for any sign of how she felt.

Y/N managed a small smile. “Me neither, but Meira wanted me here and so, I am here.”

They stood in awkward silence for a moment, the noise of the wedding festivities swirling around them. Y/N felt the weight of their history pressing down on her, unsure what to say next.

“I’m glad you came. It’s nice to see you,” Marshall finally said, breaking the silence. “You look amazing. That colour brings out your eyes.”

“Thank you,” Y/N replied, feeling a rush of warmth at his compliment. “I like your new look. Dark hair and the beard suit you.”

They exchange a tentative smile, the years apart suddenly feeling insignificant in the face of their shared moment. Y/N wanted to ask him a thousand questions – about his music, his life, everything they had missed out on sharing – but she held back, unsure if he wanted to go there.

“I should-“

“Can I give you a hug and we can have a conversation?” he interrupted. Y/N nodded. Marshall put his drink down and Y/N did too. They slowly walked up to each other, and she looked over his shoulder seeing Hailie with a smile. Marshall wrapped his arms around her, holding her close as she pressed her head into his neck. They held one another for a moment and then she felt it, the kiss on top of her head. “You’re still so beautiful,” he whispered. “I missed you.”

Y/N pulled away and there were slight tears in her eyes, but she brushed them away.

“I missed you too,” she admitted.

“Are you here with someone?” he asked. “A date?”

She shook her head. “I am alone. I am going to get a drink. Do you want to come?” she said pointing to the bar and he nodded.

“Sure.”

Y/N walked over to the bar with Marshall behind her.

“Can I get a whiskey on ice?” she said to the bartender who began making her drink.

“When did you start drinking whiskey?” he chuckled.

“When your ex-girlfriend was a whiskey person,” she stated with a chuckle. “And also, when you do a lot of events with rich men.”

He slowly nodded but his brows furrowed. “Girlfriend?” he questioned.

“Ex-girlfriend. We broke up in January,” Y/N said with a tinge of sadness, “three years gone.”

Marshall nodded. “A woman?” he said in disbelief.

Y/N thanked the bartender for her drink and turned to look at him. “Surprised me too, but she is amazing. However, I understood when she had to follow her career.”

Marshall slowly nodded, ordering a Red Bull before turning to her. “Speaking of career, how is yours?”

“Good. I finished my master’s and now I am an art curator and I do art myself which are in galleries. I also teach at the university.”

His smile was wide. “Good girl. I knew you would make a name for yourself,” he said.

Her heart fluttered lightly from those words. Good girl…she melted. Y/N took a sip of her drink and swallowed before biting her lip. “How is the music? The Marshall Mathers LP2 was so good. I was so amazed and then I listened to Revival and that was terrific. I really like how you wrote about the race problems and explored your relationship with Kim,” she rambled.

He nodded. “Thanks. The public wasn’t a fan, but I am glad you are. However, music is good. I am actually writing a new album right now.”

“Wow,” she exclaimed. “That’s amazing.”

Marshall nodded. “Um, how long are you in Detroit?”

“Three days.”

“Well,” he took a step forward so he was closer to her, “would like to catch up with you in these three days.”

“I would really like that,” Y/N said taking another step. “Wanna sit by the water and talk?”

“Yeah, please,” he said.

Hailie watched from the corner with Meira seeing them sit on the grass by the water, they were close, shoulders touching as they talked. They laughed and giggled, and Marshall began to play with hair lightly.

“I hope they get back together,” Hailie said looking over at Meira who is smiling.

“They will,” Meira said, “they have to, or else love is not real.”

Evan, Hailie’s boyfriend of two years came up next to his girlfriend handing her another glass of wine. “Who is talking to your dad?”

Hailie looked up at her boyfriend smiling. “The love of his life,” she said with a grin. “This is the first time they have seen each other in five years since they broke up.”

“The Cartier bracelet girl? The muse?” he questioned.

“His doll,” Hailie said. “God, please tell me they go home with each other tonight. My dad needs to get laid,” she chuckled walking away. “Let’s leave them be.”

Y/N’s head hit his shoulder as he shared a story, laughter coming from her as he took her hand. “This is good,” he said. “I needed this,” he admitted squeezing her hand.

Y/N looked up to him and saw him looking at her with such love still. “Thank you for the bracelets. They are beautiful,” she whispered. “You make my birthday every year wonderful.”

He smiled, tucking her hair into her ear. “It’s your birthday. Miss, I am twenty-six now,” he whispered. “So old.”

“I know,” she stated. “I am so close to thirty. My mom has been nagging me about when I will pop babies out.”

“What?” he exclaimed. “I mean I had my daughter at twenty-three so twenty-six…you’re a little late.”

Y/N chuckled. “Well, I don’t have a baby daddy so it’s not happening. Plus, I am still too young. I want to have my own gallery one day and Geneva is getting old and she said she might pass it to me.”

“The lady who bought your paintings?” he asked. “How old is she now?”

“She isn’t that old. Late sixties. Her kids have no respect for art. Therefore, she might give to me but honestly, I don’t know how much longer I will stay in NYC. The traffic is terrible, the people are mean, the economy is expensive, and I feel like if I were to drop dead in Manhattan I would get walked over.”

Marshall listened. “Where would you go?”

She shrugged. “Vancouver or maybe I will go to London for Aemma as I do miss her and us,” Y/N admitted. “Or even Detroit. I loved it here.”

His heart skipped slightly. “Come back to Detroit,” he said. “Come back.”

She sighed. “I know, but the art industry is not like it is in New York, Vancouver or London.”

Right, she had a point. However, he wanted to say…come back to me.

“What was your relationship with Aemma like?” he asked the dreaded question.

“It was beautiful. I loved her a lot. I still do actually. However, Marshall I have had four glasses of wine and a whiskey, and I feel like I can be honest. I never loved her the way I loved you. Nor could I bring myself to date another man,” she admitted.

Marshall took her confession to heart. However, she said, ‘loved’…past tense.

“Loved?” he whispered.

It was getting dark and the music behind them was still playing as people danced around. However, Marshall and Y/N were in their own little world at that moment. Hands holding one another as they looked at each with so much nostalgia.

“We were so toxic, Marshall. Have you ever thought that?” she stated. “We fought all the time. You didn’t trust me. You were insecure-“

“Y/N, you had trauma, and I did too. The only successes we had were toxic relationships so that is all we know. However, you hurt me too. You left me,” he said. “You left me, and I needed you.”

“I know, but I didn’t want to leave. I was so happy with you, but I had to pick my career over my own happiness too.”

“I was so angry when you left,” he said. “I was not ok with us ending. I wrote some pretty nasty songs about you. I never released them. I would never hurt you. However, I was hurt.”

Y/N sighed. “I made art of you. I sold it for a lot of money as I couldn’t look at it without being upset. I joined a poetry club where I slammed poetry our relationship,” she admitted.

“Then we are even,” he stated. “Art is our release.”

Y/N smiled. “You look really good, Marshall,” she said.

“I like what you did with your hair,” he whispered, flicking it.

“Wanna hear a dirty secret?” she whispered.

“Do tell.”

“I got a tattoo,” she whispered.

He chuckled. “So naughty. Where?”

“You have flirt with a little more, Mr. Mathers to see it,” she cooed before smirking.

“Oh,” he said astonished. “Well, Miss. Y/L/N, I could invite you home, but you’re more elegant than that.”

“That I am,” she said, getting up. “I should go say goodbye to the bride. I need to go home. I have had enough to drink, plus, maybe a special man might ask me for breakfast tomorrow…” she hinted.

He chuckled. “My house. 9 a.m.?”

“I will be there.”

“Need a ride?”

“Fun fact, I can drive now. I have a rental car. A little Volkswagen.” Marshall nodded, getting up but Y/N put her hand out to help him. “Old man,” she whispered.

“Take that back,” he barked jokingly. “I am not that old.”

Y/N grinned and hit her hip with his before walking back into the tent where everyone was. Hailie spotted her and her dad, walking over with Evan.

“So, is Y/N going home with you, Dad?” she asked with excitement. They chuckled.

“No, Hailie. I am not that girl anymore.”

Her fell. “You’re not single?” she said with clear sadness.

Y/N looked over to Marshall and then back to his daughter. “I am not going to sleep with your dad tonight. We had a good catch up, but my hotel calls me. Plus, I have had four glasses of wine and a whiskey so I can’t give consent,” she said. “Now, who is this man? Hello, handsome.”

Hailie grinned, holding Evan’s hand and looking up to his towering form. “This is Evan, my boyfriend.”

“Hi Evan, I am Y/N,” she introduced hand out to shake his hand. “Welcome to the Mathers family.”

“They have been very welcoming. Shame you left.”

Y/N nodded and shrugged. “Life happens,” she said with a small frown. “However, I miss the Mathers family,” she stated. “They were my family.”

“Y/N, we are still your family,” Hailie said giving her a hug. “You look so good. You look just stunning. I love your hair.”

Y/N smiled. “Thank you, Hay.” She pressed a kiss to her cheek. “I should go. I have an early breakfast so I should go sleep plus if I stay here, Meira and I will probably start doing tequila shooters which will make my panties drop,” Y/N whispered the last part. “And she has a husband to get to and I…”

“You have my dad.”

Y/N chuckled. “Goodnight,” she stated hugging her and seeing Alaina in the crowd and waving at her which made her face show shock across her face before walking over.

“Oh my God,” she exclaimed, hugging her.

“I am leaving but I will be in town. Text me. My number is the same.”

“Do you want me to drive you to your hotel?” Marshall asked. “Obviously, you didn’t drive here as you drank.”

Y/N pondered for a second. “Sure. I am just at the Hilton.”

They bid their farewell to the girls and Y/N gave her love to Meira and congratulated her before seeing the Lamborghini Aventador parked at the venue. That was a new one. Marshall opened the door for her, and she got in. Once in, he looked over to her and she smiled.

“You’re here,” he whispered.

“I am.”

“When’s your next art show?” he asked as backed the car up.

“Three weeks from now. I am doing a show on feminism and the queer community.”

“Where is it? NYC?”

“Yes, at Geneva’s art gallery.”

“I want to come,” he said.

“You want to see paintings of lesbians?” she chuckled.

“I mean, the idea of you making out with a woman does do things to me,” he chuckled.

“Ew,” Y/N commented. “Don’t be one of those guys.” She hit her arm but he gripped it, bringing her hand to his lips. “Kidding.”

“Good.”

“You haven’t told me about yourself…” she said softly.

“About what?”

“Dating?”

He shook his head with a disgusted face. “I don’t date, Y/N. You were the exception. I don’t trust people.”

All Y/N did was nod. It pained her slightly that he did not move on as she did, but he was Marshall and she knew his opinions on women. She was the exception, she was the moment he allowed himself to be vulnerable. Y/N looked out of the window as he drove. This had to be a newer car as she had never seen it.

“New car?” she tried to make conversation.

“Bought it when you left. Needed retail therapy,” he said so casually.

“So, you bought a has to be…two hundred thousand dollar car?” she mocked.

“I was hurt,” he stated, “and this made me feel better slightly.”

Y/N nodded and they arrived at the hotel, Detroit's city lights casting a warm glow over the quiet streets. They walked in comfortable silence, occasionally brushing against each other as they navigated their way. The air was cool, and Y/N felt a mix of anticipation and anxiety bubbling inside her.

Marshall walked Y/N into the hotel and stood there, ready to say his goodbye but Y/N said, “Come up for a moment. I feel like we haven’t talked a lot.”

He nodded and agreed. The elevator ride was filled with tension that neither of them addressed but felt deeply. Once inside her room, Y/N kicked off her heels and offered Marshall a sparkling water.

“Sure,” he said as he sat down on one of the couches. Y/N handed him the drink before walking in front of him.

“Can you unzip me?” she asked. “I am going to change into something more comfortable.”

Y/N stood between his legs, back turned to him as he stood up, towering over her. His fingers graze her shoulder lightly before finding the zip. He pulled it down exposing her bra and back. Y/N thanked him and walked to the bathroom, grabbing a pair of clothes on the way.

She came back in a tank top and shorts, sitting down next to him with sparkling water in front of her. They stared at one another for a moment, not sure what to say.

“I am really happy that Meira found the love of her life. A doctor too…” she gushed. “She deserved it.”

“What about you?” he asked. “Marriage?”

Y/N shrugged. “Depends on who I decide to spend the rest of my life with.”

“Meaning?”

“Marshall, you would never have married me,” she said honestly. “You were clear with that, but I was ready to spend the rest of my life with you. However, if I meet someone male or female and they want to marry me and I wanted that too, then sure.”

He was silent until he cleared his throat. “I am still ready to spend the rest of my life with you,” he admitted. “You’re the one for me.”

Y/N’s heart fluttered lightly upon hearing those words. Her heart filled with such love. “We are different people now, Marshall.”

“Then we do it all over again. Get to know one another,” he said.

“I am in New York,” she excused.

“Then come back to Detroit. You have said that you hate New York. What stops you? Aemma?”

“Aemma?” Y/N said. “Aemma was the first relationship I had that was not toxic, Marshall. She taught me a lot about me. I grew up with her and we barely fought. Marshall we fought-“

“I’ll be different. We will be different. You are older, more mature with a career now established.”

Y/N nodded. “You want us to go at it again?” she whispered unsure of what he was asking.

Marshall looked at her, taking her hand and squeezing it before bringing it to his lips. “I would always say yes to having you again.”

“Marshall,” she whispered, “we would never be able to do long distance. We get too much in our heads and we don’t have that type of trust with each other.”

“Come back to Detroit then.”

“There’s nothing in Detroit for me-“

“Your family. Me and the girls. Meira too. You have people here.”

“But my work-“

“There are galleries here-“

“I own my apartment. I would have to sell.”

“Think about it,” he said, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. She looked down to their hands and seeing the bangles that he spent a fortune on for her. He loved her and he still does and there was a piece of her that still deeply loved the man across from her.

They started talking about everything and nothing – catching up on the years they missed, laughing at shared memories, and revealing their hopes and fears for the future. As the hours passed, the conversation grew deeper and more intimate. Marshall spoke about the struggles he faced in his career, the pressure of staying relevant in the music industry and the loneliness that often accompanied his success.

Y/N shared her own challenges, the loneliness she felt in a city full of people, the pressures of the art world, and the void left by Aemma’s departure. She talked about her dreams, her aspirations, and the projects she was passionate about. Marshall listened intently, his gaze never leaving her face.

At some point, they both grew quiet, the silence filled with unspoken words. Y/N’s head was against his shoulder as he held her. It was comfort and warmth and both parties were elated to be touching the other.

Y/N’s eyes began to flutter, drooping down due to the exhaustion of the day catching up with her. Marshall noticed and kissed her forehead.

“Get some sleep, doll,” he said softly, taking the water from her and placing it to the side. “You’ve had a long day.” Marshall moved, getting up and putting his hand out to help her up. “Want me to carry you?” he mused.

“Stay,” she whispered. “Stay the night.”

“We’re not having sex,” he said, “you’ve had a few drinks-“

“Just sleep with me. Next to me in bed. Naked though,” she joked. “You’re in a suit so you have to bed naked.” She was smirking at him.

“Boxers and it’s a deal,” he bantered. Y/N grinned and was about to say something but he interrupted. “And I want you in that tiny tank top, braless with panties. Then we have a deal.”

She nodded. “Deal.”

Y/N got up, pulling her shorts down to reveal her panties before she went to the bathroom to brush her hair, wipe her makeup off and brush her teeth. Marshall shed his suit, placing it on the chair as he waited for her on the bed. Y/N emerged with hair in a braid, and she walked to bed. She pulled covers back and got in, patting the spot next to her.

Marshall got into bed before pulling her tight to him. Her head hit his chest as her hand traced his stomach tattoo. She knew the story of it. She knew the story of all his tattoos.

“Where is your secret tattoo?” he whispered.

“On my hip,” she whispered, “it says ‘she is art’.”

“Roll over,” he said, and she did and he leaned down, pulling the hem of her underwear to the side to see it. “Cute,” he whispered, leaning down and kissing it. Y/N cupped his cheek before pulling him up. He leaned over her, their noses touching before she pressed a kiss to his lips.

He smiled against them.

“Goodnight, M,” she whispered before placing her head on his chest.

“Night, doll.”

Sorry for the long time not posting. Summer has been hectic.

Hope you enjoyed! Let me know thoughts.

Much love, Ava <3

#eminem series #eminem #eminem angst #eminem fanfiction #eminem imagine #eminem x reader #eminem fluff #marshall mathers #marshall mathers imagine #marshall mathers fluff #marshall mathers angst #marshall mathers fanfiction #marshall mathers x reader #slim shady

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beautiful-songbird · 1 month ago

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Zee's 2024 Reads

Stats:

Books read ˋ°•*⁀➷ 51

Books DNFed ˋ°•*⁀➷ 8

Five-star reads ˋ°•*⁀➷ 35

Re-reads ˋ°•*⁀➷ 11

Most read author ˋ°•*⁀➷ Rick Riordan (14 novels)

Note: ☆ counts as a half star, since there isn’t a half star emoji

This was certainly a year of reading long book series and my DNFing any book that wasn't my speed immediately (sorry?)

Also if these reviews are short it's because I wrote 70% of them in one day, sorry.

↳ January (4)

Fourth Wing (reread) - Rebecca Yarros

January 11th, ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

I anticipated this reread for a while before I finally got around to it, and it was soooo worth the wait. This book was so immersive and I absolutely love being in the world (as I'm sure you all know by now) and I even ended up giving the book 5 stars on this third read of it. Xaden was so intimidating when I removed myself from the anticipation of him being the love interest, and that was fun.

The Lightning Thief - Rick Riordan

January 21st, ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

This book was so much fun. Percy’s inner monologue took a little bit of time to get used to since I’m used to reading books from the perspective of teenage girls and adult women, but he was a very fun character to follow. I’ve always loved Greek Mythology, so getting to read a modern book with the gods was very intriguing. I thought the world was very immersive and the characters were fun. I can’t wait to see how this story progresses over the next few books.

The Sea of Monsters - Rick Riordan

January 24th, ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

If you’d told me I was going to be eating up a middle grade book series this year, I’d have laughed in your face. This book was so good. Tyson has to be my favorite character in the whole series so far. He’s so adorable 😭

This book, like most middle grade books, was slightly predictable. It doesn’t help that I’ve gotten probably at least one spoiler for each book, but that didn’t make the reading of it any less fun. Percy and Annabeth’s relationship is progressing a bit, and I love to see it. They trust each other a bit more in each book.

Destroy the Day - Brigid Kenmerer

January 29th, ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

This book was everything and more I wanted out of a final book in this series…I mean…COME ON! For one, I LOVE Harristan, and we got a whole lot more of him in this book. I was eating those chapters UP!

Corrick and Lochlan had a lovely bonding in this book after being at odds with each other for the entire series, so that was nice! I really appreciate that they were able to get over their hatred for each other eventually and become really close friends 😭 the last chapter with them at the end is so near and dear to my heart, you don’t understand.

I won’t get into the nitty gritty of this plot because that was on the back burner in this story. What I LOVED about this book was the romance Harristan got. He and the person he ended up with were two characters I had been hoping something would happen between for a while and then out of nowhere - it happened! I squealed when they kissed for the first time. I’m so glad they got their happily ever after because that is truly all I ever wanted for them <3

January technically has 6 reads because I read two of my mom's books, but she's not published, so they're not on this list.

↳ February (9)

The Night Circus - Erin Morgenstern

February 1st, ⭐️⭐️⭐️, DNF

Ok so this book was like…SUPER disappointing? I read it expecting to love it because it just had that kind of vibe…and it was just so interesting. For one, the book had no actual chapters but instead section headings? There were no chapter numbers. Very odd. Also, the characters felt so distant. I think I read a good 60-70 pages of this book and I felt absolutely NOTHING for our two main characters. Very sad, as I had really expected to enjoy this book a lot.

The Cruel Prince (reread) - Holly Black

February 11th, ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

This is my second full read of this book, and I have to say, this book is a lot better read as a politically-based plot instead of a romance. Don’t get me wrong, I love the way the romance builds in this series, but it’s a lot easier to enjoy when you’re not anticipating anything happening in Jude’s love life. I read this book originally after hearing rave reviews about the romance in it, and while I’ll say those reviews were not wrong, it was frustrating to read almost the entire book with absolutely no romance whatsoever.

There is so much to love about this book. Jude is a very compelling main character, and, despite being a little insane, she’s a very lovable main character. She’s very bold and passionate, but she’s not just a one-dimensional character. It’s very easy to get into her head and understand how her brain works, and seeing the adventures she goes on is thrilling.

There’s not much in the way of major side characters for the first two thirds of this book, and I found that I actually don’t mind it. Jude is a very entertaining and interesting character on her own that she doesn’t really need supporting characters to help carry a scene.

Cardan is not a major character in this book, but I adore him at every turn anyways. Once he stops playing the antagonist, almost every line he delivers is incredible, and I absolutely love the way he speaks. The way that he and Jude banter closer to the end of the book leaves me with anticipation for what’s to come in their romance (even though I’ve already read it!) Their chemistry builds with each scene they share, and I have to say that their relationship is definitely my favorite part of the book.

The Wicked King (reread) - Holly Black

February 12th, ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

This book was as fun as I remember it being. It begins five months after the events of the last book, and Jude hasn’t found a way to get along with Cardan just yet. Seeing the two of them dance around each other and pretend their chemistry is hatred is uproariously funny, and the way that they speak to each other throughout this book is absolutely lovely to read.

But don’t be fooled, this book is not mostly romance. Jude plays her role as the true ruler of Elfhame, and while doing so, she leaves Cardan out of the loop quite a bit. The two of them fight quite a bit because of this, and while this isn’t the main conflict of the book, it fed into it quite a bit.

The number of parties in this book had me absolutely feral, and I love to see Jude and Cardan dance together. Both times they danced were unlikely circumstances, and the dance they had near the end of the book…ooh. That scene is one of my absolute favorite scenes in this entire series. The way the two of them finally (sort of) let the other in after that scene too? UGH. It makes me go insane.

This book certainly did NOT suffer from middle book syndrome, and after recently reading a book that most definitely did, I am extremely grateful. Honestly, this book might be my favorite of the three, but I’m only about a quarter of the way through Queen of Nothing, so we’ll see how I feel in a few days when I finally get around to finishing it.

The Roommate Pact - Allison Ashley

February 15th, ⭐️⭐️⭐️☆

I’ll be honest, this book was kind of fun trash. Don’t get me wrong, it was a good book, but there was just something about it that gave me the vibe that I was reading book junk food. The characters were fun, the trauma was well-written and well dealt with, and the plot was good and probably realistic for two people in their mid-thirties.

One gripe I had with it was that half the time the characters felt like teenagers, though. If I wanted to read a book about teenagers, I’d read about teenagers. It was very odd to read about an NP and a firefighter and then have them act like 16-year-olds.

Overall, it was a pretty easy read and I had a good time, so I’d say it was worth it. It was the book I read on my Kindle while I was taking baths for this month, so…🤷🏻‍♀️ it was good bath reading or something.

The Titan’s Curse - Rick Riordan

February 17th, ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

This book was just…fun! I find it interesting that despite this series following a linear and connected storyline, it doesn’t seem to have a distinct vibe. Each book I read in this series is extremely separate from the last in the terms of the feeling the world gives me, and it’s actually quite enjoyable!

This book brought a bunch of new characters into the mix and deepened our understanding of the world and the characters within it, and I really enjoyed that! It was also an extremely easy read after reading YA/NA fantasy for the past few months, so that was really nice. I was a bit horrified to look up the Heroes of Olympus after reading this and realize all of those books are between 500 and 600 pages, but we’ll leave that problem for when we get there.

Kissing Kosher - Jean Meltzer

February 18th, ⭐️⭐️⭐️, DNF

Honestly, this book was a huge disappointment. After how much I loved this author’s other book, The Matzah Ball, I expected to love this one too, but I just didn’t find myself as in love with the characters. It was just kinda…meh.

The Queen of Nothing (reread) - Holly Black

February 19th, ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

This book was a masterpiece from start to finish. Watching Jude weasel her way back into the kingdom and spy on her enemies was so much fun!

Of course, it wouldn’t be the final book in a fantasy series without a bit more romance. Jude and Cardan finally confessed their feelings to each other, albeit in a bit of a roundabout way at first. The rising romantic tension between the two of them throughout this book was definitely the best part of it. I especially enjoyed watching Jude’s feelings for Cardan snowball as she realized how much she really loved him.

The entire main plot of this book was AMAZING. I really appreciated the way Cardan finally proved himself as king in the latter half of the book, and I loved watching him grow in his confidence over the throne. he and Jude both seemed to grow into their roles quite a bit more in this book as well as proving themselves as spies.

Overall, I don’t really think any review I could write could do this book justice. I think it is probably my favorite book in the entire series, though the second book is a CLOSE second.

The Battle of the Labyrinth - Rick Riordan

February 21st, ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

SO much happened in this book, and despite the fact that not as much happened plot-wise as I expected, it was a great read. Some of my favorite characters from past books were brought back for this book’s quest, and so much happened between the characters in this book.One thing I was super excited about in this book is that Percy and Annabeth’s relationship is finally going somewhere. I love how slow this slow-burn is, but I can’t wait to see Percy finally realize how he feels about her.

The Last Olympian - Rick Riordan

February 22nd, ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

I definitely didn’t read this in one night. I swear. It totally didn’t happe-

This book was a completely different experience from the other four. It was essentially one big battle, and usually I don’t like reading battles, but this one was exciting to read. It brought back ALL the characters, liked or not, and it was so much fun.

We got to meet quite a few of the gods in this book, and that was fun. We also got a Hades cameo, which was awesome after not seeing him for…what…four books? Three? I don’t even remember anymore. We also got a lot more about little Nico, and I love him, so that was very enjoyable for me.

↳ March (7)

The Chalice of the Gods - Rick Riordan

March 5th, ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

I was super excited for this book's release, and I have to say, it kind of let me down. Coming off reading the action-packed original five books, this book felt very low-stakes, and I wasn't really into that. Other than that, this book was really good, though! I loved seeing our original gang again.

The Lost Hero - Rick Riordan

March 9th, ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

This book was insane. First of all, I love Jason. People dislike him??? Insane. He was definitely my favorite of the three in this book, and I loved to watch them go on a totally new adventure. I especially liked that it took us farther than the original series took us when the characters went on quests. Iconic. Personally, I think this was a great opener to the second series, and I loved this book thoroughly.

A Curse so Dark and Lonely - Brigid Kemmerer

March 10th, ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

My reading of this book was entirely a result of my enjoyment of Defy the Night, and it did not disappoint. I absolutely loved the worldbuilding here, and it captured the Beauty & the Beast retelling while also putting a completely new spin on it. That being said, I really felt like the characters were flat. The story didn't really make me care for them all that much. The situations they were put in were quite interesting, but they were very uncompelling. (Besides Grey, but he's not in this book enough to save my opinion on the flatness of the characters.)

We Hunt the Flame - Hafsah Faizal

March 12th, (N/A), DNF

This was one of like five books I rented before going to clean out my great-grandparents' house and it was just not very easy to get into. As I didn't understand a lot of the words on the first three pages, I think this book simply wasn't for me. It did seem like a very interesting read based entirely on those three pages alone, but I was too mentally exhausted at the time to put effort into reading.

A Heart So Fierce and Broken - Brigid Kemmerer

March 12th, (N/A), DNF

This is the sequel to A Curse so Dark and Lonely, and I've gotta be honest, she lost me about two chapters in. We follow two characters who weren't even in the last book, and it just felt like I was reading a different series entirely. It might've been a good book, but I really didn't like the fact that the entire book was two points of view we've never seen before.

The Stolen Heir (reread) - Holly Black

March 16th, ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Oak is an icon, I love the romantic tension, and the book kept you on your toes at all times. Love.

The Prisoner's Throne - Holly Black

March 17th, ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Ok...this book...I read it mostly for Cardan and Jude's cameos? Yeah, sorry. I love Oak, but Wren was kinda...too much in this book? Still got five stars because Jude and Cardan ate this book up, but yeah.

↳ April (2)

The Son of Neptune - Rick Riordan

April 8th, ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

The excitement I felt when I opened the book and saw Percy's name at the top of the first chapter is palpable. My babyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy 🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼. Hazel and Frank were both awesome as the other main characters, and I loved following these characters up the west coast. This book was absolutely jam-packed with action, and the tension as we waited for Percy to get his memories back was also great. I've seen a lot of people complain about the fact that Percy lost his Achilles Heel Curse, and to that I say: ??? what fun is a character who's essentially indestructible??? I digress. I loved this book.

The Mark of Athena - Rick Riordan

April 29th, ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

I don't remember this book. Something about group bonding, and Annabeth judo flips Percy. Ending was absolutely devastating and insane. It was a very good read, don't get me wrong, it's just all blurring together in my head right now.

↳ May (4)

The House of Hades - Rick Riordan

May 1st, ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

*insert five hour clip of me screaming here* Best book in the series. I don't remember anything but Percabeth but that's enough for me.

The Blood of Olympus - Rick Riordan

May 2nd, ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Bro I don't remember this book either?? Like at all?? Jason gets glasses or something?? No clue. Good read, though.

The Sun and the Star - Rick Riordan

May 4th, ⭐️⭐️⭐️☆

Oh my God 🤩 don't get me started on this book. It had soooooooo much potential, but the random info-dumping about things that were not plot-relevant knocked this book down a whole star for me. Probably the weirdest thing about this book was the assumption that everyone was straight until proven otherwise?? Have we...met the Greek gods? (They're all bi/pan/ace?) I dunno, man. Nico and Will were really cute, so I finished the book for them.

The Tiger at Midnight - Teerdhala Swati

May 24th, ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️☆

This book was sooooo rich and lovely to read. Both of the main characters are extremely compelling, and they were very fun to follow. Their dynamic is insanely good, and the ending?? Whew. I picked up the sequel to this from the library and then never got around to reading it, so I'm hoping to finish this series in the new year. If you like fantasy based more in south Asia, I would DEFINITELY recommend this.

↳ June (2)

Ace of Shades - Amanda Foody

June 9th, ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

This book was like if Six of Crows and The Night Circus had a love child, if that makes sense? The main character was both very girly and very smart, which I really appreciated. The world building was very good, and I think I read this whole book in like 3 days? I initially gave this book five stars, but I think considering the actual plot, that's a bit too generous, so I'm bumping it down to a four. I did feel like there were a few too many side characters, so there is that, and the pacing was kind of inconsistent if I recall correctly?

The Darkest Part of the Forest - Holly Black

June 24th, ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

To be honest, I don't remember why I gave this four stars. In retrospect, I think it was a five star read, but I do remember the end being a little all over the place, so I'll leave it at four. Ben and Hazel are absolutely so much fun in this book, and the romance somehow delivered twice over in a standalone? Holly performing magic tricks as always. The plot twist at the very end had me absolutely GAGGED. It was the craziest plot twist ever, and completely worth the read.

↳ July (5)

The Sword of Summer - Rick Riordan

July 2nd, ⭐️⭐️⭐️☆, DNF

This book was kind of boring, I'm sorry. I read like 150 pages at least and we were still in basically the same place we started in. I was actually pretty disappointed because it seemed like an intriguing read in the first twenty pages.

The Hurricane Wars - Thea Guanzon

July 2nd, (N/A), DNF

I think I read like two pages of this book and then DNFed it? It's only even on my list so I remember I did in fact try reading it. I'm pretty sure they lost me at the nine suns or whatever. I can't wrap my mind around universes that have more than one sun, so I can't commit.

The Thief - Megan Whalen Turner

July 3rd, ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

aHHHHHHHHHHHHH GEN MY BABY. Um so. Personal call-out post for @joandragon (she will never stop getting called out for recommending this series to me. The worldbuilding. The religion. The characters. Gen's sneaky, bratty brain. I LOVE. I have never been so glad to live post-2022 (so I could read this series as a completed series). If you read nothing else in the new year, read this series.

The Queen of Attolia - Megan Whalen Turner

July 8th, ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

aHHHHHHHHHHHHH pt. 2. Megan was crazy for this book. It's the best on in the entire series, I can say that. I can't really say much about this book without absolutely spoiling it, so I'll keep my mouth shut. This book is the definition of a book best read with no spoilers.

King of Fools - Amanda Foody

July 18th, ⭐️⭐️⭐️☆, DNF

The day I'm writing this review is December 16th, and I've had this book open to like page 250 since July. I can't bring myself to finish it. I don't know what happened between books one and two that this one is so much more unreadable, but I went from loving this series to being kinda indifferent to it simply because I couldn't make it through this book. Also, Levi, my guy, find someone to heal your ribs?? I'm sure someone in this world can heal people, and you've been pulling stunts too insane for a man with broken ribs.

↳ August (2)

The Grandest Game - Jennifer Lynn Barnes

August 2nd, ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Ok, I'll admit, this book isn't as good as the original trilogy, but it is still really good. I love how Jennifer weaves soo much backstory into her books about escape rooms?? The setting for this book was also absolutely immaculate. I wanted to visit so badly.

Apprentice to the Villain - Hannah Nicole Maehrer

August 26th, ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Ok, I know this series is like if a cliche fairytale for children was a YA novel, but it delivers, ok? These two characters keep giving me all the pining that other books these days are lacking, and I am eating it up. (I am also eating up the fairytale nonsense, let that be heard.) I can't wait for book 3.

↳ September (5)

Iron Flame (reread) - Rebecca Yarros

September 15th, ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

I'm not even gonna talk about this book because the review would be five pages long if I did. I've done so much yapping about this book on my FW sideblog already. I loved it. No notes.

The King of Attolia - Megan Whalen Turner

September 21st, ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Ohoho. This book is on repeat in my car at this point. It somehow manages to look like it has no plot while having the most plot I've ever seen in a book. I love it. Gen is such a menace. He somehow was still extremely likable even in a narrative where the main character clearly dislikes him, and that is so funny to me. That way that everything mundane and seemingly meaningless comes together in this book is so awesome. You can tell how much work and time the author put into this book especially.

A Conspiracy of Kings - Megan Whalen Turner

September 23rd, ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️☆

Sophos is my favorite child. He matured so much. He is so old now (he's like nineteen). This book was a disaster, but I loved it. The first half (?) of the book was really fun to read because you really get to see him turn into a man. He was so much of a whiny child before that, but it was lovely to see him grow up. This book got bumped down half a star because the second part of the book really did not hold as much excitement for me as the first half did, and I also hated the fact that the book switched from first to third person. I understand why it did, but I did not like it. I think about the scene with Gen and Helen all the time, though.

Thick as Thieves - Megan Whalen Turner

September 25th, ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

(Insert debate over whether or not this book was a romance.) This book was great, and it really expands the worldbuilding since we finally get a lot more background on the Mede Empire and such. I kinda expected to be bored out of my mind reading it because it doesn't really have a central political plot, but I really enjoyed the journey of following our two characters through the country.

Return of the Thief - Megan Whalen Turner

September 29th, ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Ok remember how I said Queen of Attolia was the best book in this series?? I lied. It's this one. Pheris is literally my baby, okay?? Being serious for a second, I really appreciated the way this book portrayed disability. Because of the framing of Pheris's character, everyone really underestimates him. Being in his head was a lot of fun, especially with the way he thinks. Also...he and Gen are buddies. Trust that I do love this.

↳ October (5)

Moira's Pen - Megan Whalen Turner

October 1st, ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Considering this is a compilation of stories that range over like 200 years or something, it's hard to give one review for all of them. The last one definitely made me cry or whatever though.

The Thief (reread) - Megan Whalen Turner

October 4th, ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Yeah I immediately started re-reading the series, what about it?

The Queen of Attolia (reread) - Megan Whalen Turner

October 6th, ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Ehehehehehehehehehehe

The King of Attolia (reread) - Megan Whalen Turner

October 13th, ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Oh yeah buddy

The Song of Achilles - Madeline Miller

October 17th, ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

This book was absolutely tragic. As a retelling of the Iliad, you'd expect that, but I still cried at the ending nonetheless. The storytelling is immaculate, and the progression of the plot is so excessively tragic. The ending was both so so sad and so relieving. Patrochillies makes me so sad. I love the way the author uses the same sort of descriptions that were used in Ancient Greek literature. I know she's gotten into some internet arguments over it, but I personally loved it. Swift-footed Achilles, was, of course, swift-footed.

↳ November (0)

The Song of Achilles sent me into a massive reading slump and I did nothing in November except look at Patrochilles fanart and listen to Epic the Musical (send help).

↳ December (6)

Wrath of the Triple Goddess - Rick Riordan

December 1st, ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

This book was sooooooooooo much better than #6. The tension actually kept me on the edge of my seat. I loved Percy in this book, and as always, seeing Percabeth made me so happy.

The Queen of Attolia (reread) - Megan Whalen Turner

December 4th, ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Re-read part three, obviously. I skipped The Thief because...reasons (I was only going to reread QoA and then did not.)

The King of Attolia (reread) - Megan Whalen Turner

December 21st, ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Obviously I got sucked into this book too. I will be continuing the audiobooks when school is back in session and I'm driving frequently again, stay tuned!

Conceal, Don't Feel - Jen Calonita

December 26th, (N/A), DNF

I picked this book up because I was drawing one day and needed an audiobook that was available immediately and that I knew I wouldn't care if I didn't finish, and that did the trick! It was good enough to keep me occupied but not good enough that I felt obligated to finish it. It was probably around a three star book, given that I'm not really a huge fan of books that take a popular piece of media and rewrite it using exact dialogue from the original media. It was a kids book, and it read so. No issue with that, just not for me.

The Assassin's Curse - Cassandra Rose Clarke

December 28th, ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Beautiful, short, and to the point. Two characters to follow, three settings total, a compelling plot and some angsty backstories. That's about all you need to know. This book is apparently extremely niche because I could find absolutely nowhere I could read the two companion novellas, but I will be getting my hands on the second book probably about ten hours after I write this review. I absolutely loved the dynamic between the two main characters, and I felt like their characterization was a refreshing change of pace. The main character also has a totally unique voice in the writing, which I loved reading. It made the book feel so much more immersive.

Fawkes - Nadine Brandes

December 29th, ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

This book...a masterpiece. For the sake of mystery, I'll just tell you this book is loosely based off of a true historical happening in London. The story was absolutely brilliant, and I was super excited to read a modern fantasy book that was written from the main guy's perspective. You don't get that very often, and Thomas is a lovely character to follow! I read this entire book in a day, if the dates between this book and the last one didn't make that clear. I cried reading the last chapter of this book. It was deeply touching and wholly sad, but the book had a good ending, don't worry! Absolutely love Emma. She's my baby.

Hi, main account! You guys get the reading wrap-up this year because this is finally a multi-fandom blog and you guys actually care about what I'm reading!

All right so I lied in last year's post when I said I wouldn't be doing another yearly wrap-up. The monthly wrap-ups were not something I had time for once the semester got into full swing, so here we are with another long long post.

Next year's looking to start with quite a few re-reads (Six of Crows and Once Upon a Broken Heart, among other things) and at the end of January I'll get my hands on Onyx Storm finally...and then I was told to read the Stormlight Archives? So I'll be writing a post screaming at Joan over that at some point I'm sure.

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talonabraxas · 17 days ago

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Hekate ☽◯☾ Talon Abraxas

Hekate opens new doorways to us, and as a Goddess of death and the underworld she can walk us through the journey as we cast our skin, go deep into the Earth and come out reborn.

“Then the earth began to bellow, trees to dance, and howling dogs in glimmering light advance, ere Hecate came.” - Virgil, Aeneid.

Intuitive Astrology: Aquarius New Moon January 2025

The first New Moon of 2025 falls in Aquarius on January 29. New Moons are our signpost from the Universe that fresh energy is on the horizon and that new beginnings are now possible. While our first New Moon of 2025 is indeed opening some doors, we do have a lot of retrograde energy circling from last year too.

Retrograde energy tends to stir up the past. It can bring old wounds or unfinished business to the surface, forcing us to make resolution once and for all.

Under this Aquarius New Moon, Mars, Jupiter, and Uranus are all in retrograde, so this fresh new energy we are waiting to arrive may feel a little distant.

However, one of the most noteable features of this New Moon is that Uranus, the ruling planet of Aquarius, and the bringer of change and awakening, is ending its retrograde just one day after the New Moon peaks, allowing a burst of fresh energy to move in.

Uranus has been moving through the underworld since September 2024, and has been helping us to wrap our heads around the changes that have been unfolding in the last few months.

In retrograde, it’s been working to bring acceptance to the changes and perhaps even a little stability, but it may have also limited our feelings of progress. We may have wanted to make changes but felt uncertain about the path to choose.

But now, with Uranus stationing direct shortly after this New Moon, we have some new potentials on the horizon. Changes that need to be made will happen quickly and we will find ourselves making more progress. We may even feel a sense of renewal and more ready to take on the fresh energies that 2025 has in store for us.

The Aquarius New Moon and Uranus stationing direct can hold a very expansive energy, helping us to dream big and think differently. Its energy can entice new ideas and leave us open to new inspirations. We may experience an ah-ha moment or feel excited to explore new ideas. New avenues may open up for us as we begin to recognize new potentials.

To access this energy, keep your mind open! Don’t stay closed and rigid and instead give yourself permission to explore new possibilities! Try to channel your mental energy into productive solutions and do your best to stay out of anxious thinking.

Jupiter is also active under this Aquarius New Moon, shining its abundant influence! Jupiter has the power to magnify what we are dealing with. While this can be confronting, it can also allow us to see the greater truth in more detail.

The nice thing with Jupiter is that is always gets us looking at the silver linings, so even if we are moving through something challenging, it will be easier for us to focus on the positives.

With Jupiter and Uranus stirring under this New Moon, we could find ourselves in for a bumpy ride! The Moon tends to heighten our emotions, so this combination could stir a lot for us. However, it does seem that we are being called to expand out of limited thinking.

We are being called to focus on new possibilities and to see things from a more expansive viewpoint. We are called to open our minds, open our hearts, and to see the positive side. We will be guided there if we lean into the messages and divine signals around us.

Aquarius, after all, is the 11th sign of the zodiac and the divine healer. It has the gift of taking the harsh energies and transmuting them into a balanced state. We can all lean into this healing energy by inviting the Aquarius New Moon to cleanse our aura and balance our mind.

Overall, the Aquarius New Moon is giving us glimmers of new potentials. We may still have some wading through the old to move through, but it does seem that we are being shown some new pathways. New inspiration is surely to follow.

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icarusflewsworld · 24 days ago

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Rhysand & Cassian & Azriel X OC

Hello, here is the chapter 26 of a fanfiction on the world of Acotar where our three favorite Batboys are the mates of a single woman.

I'm really sorry for the delay. I was sick and I have to revise for exams in February and March, so there will only be one chapter (maybe two since I have no self control and I always write too much) on Sunday January 26th.

I really hope you liked these chapters! Don't hesitate to leave comments even bad ones (not mean please), it allows me to know what's wrong and to improve especially on the sex scenes because I feel like I'm really too bad at that. I had a lot a lot a lot of trouble writing this last chapter lol.

In any case thank you for your reading, your time, your votes and especially your comments. You are all so kind and I am so shocked every time but it makes me so so happy. Love you. Have a wonderful week end and good luck for all you have to go through. ❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹

! Don't forget to read the previous and following chapters ! : Here

Chapter 26

Quickly, they teleported to the prison, in front of the Attor's cell. They entered it and Luxiana was not even surprised to see that the room looked exactly like the one Azriel had locked her in yesterday. The bloody creature was also tied to the same kind of metal chair.

“You brought me a toy?” the creature asked in a distant voice, looking Luxiana over from head to toe with a wicked smile. “A little human for me to play with in exchange for information?”

Azriel tensed, almost jumping. “Watch your mouth.” He positioned himself next to the Attor, to look down on him, ready to react if he dared to speak ill of his soulmate again. And the only thing that had prevented him from making him swallow his tongue was precisely the presence of Luxiana.

Luxiana looked at her with a blazing look of anger that could have set the Attor's body on fire by itself. This was the creature that had beaten Feyre, that had made her best friend suffer but also Rhysand. She had inquired about what he had experienced under the mountain. She was mad with rage. He didn't deserve this. Feyre didn't deserve this. And this creature was about to receive the anger that Amarantha should have received.

She began to examine the beast in detail and grimaced as she analyzed the wounds on the Attor's pale skin.

The three Illyrians immediately noticed her expression -since their eyes were fixed only on their soulmate- and began to panic when they saw her grimace. They had gone too far and had just traumatized her. Seeing that a person you knew had hurt, tortured and injured someone and that he did it often, was a whole other kind of terror. And they had just made their soulmate understand that. They had just made their soulmate understand who they really were.

Luxiana looked at Azriel with fear, and the shadowsinger felt his heart break. He raised his hand towards her, turning completely in her direction - as if he were addressing a frightened animal - and was about to speak, but Luxiara cut him off.

"This is beginner's work, I'm not surprised he didn't say anything," she judged, shaking her head.

Azriel suddenly froze and went into a bubble of surprise, his hand falling limply to his side.

Rhysand and Cassian were shocked at first before giving each other a pleasantly surprised look while holding back laughter.

Luxiana focused on the Attor with a cute, innocent, childish smile. She knelt down in front of him to lock eyes with the creature. "Well, I'll explain how this is going to go, okay?" Her voice was soft and reassuring despite her words. "I remember very well what my best friend, Feyre, told me about what you did to her under the mountain. And I'm sure you didn't do very nice things to the high lord of the night behind me either. Which makes me, unfortunately for you, very angry with you. But, you see, I'm really trying to contain myself right now. ‘Why’ you are going to tell me?"

She moved a little closer to the Attor to give some semblance of privacy and secrecy to their conversation while she knew that the three Illyrians behind her could still hear. "Because I don't want to scare them too much."

And it was true. If they really knew what she was capable of, they would be terrified. Then she stood up and continued, looking down at him. "So they're going to ask you questions and you're going to answer them or else,... I won't hold back anymore. So, please..." Her smile turns evil, creepy, "don't be cooperative."

The Attor looked at her for a second. He hesitated. She looked cute and innocent but something in the blonde's smile and gaze told him she was completely crazy. Her pupils were now oscillating between her and the lord with his hands in his pockets behind her. Why would he bring this human here if she didn't know how to handle torture? He started laughing out loud. She didn't scare him. She was just a pitiful human and Rhysand was trying to trick him. He wouldn't reveal any information anyway because they never tortured him more than the King of Hybern would if he sold him.

Luxiana stood up. "Well, then let's begin."

Cassian leaned against one of the walls behind him, crossing his arms but with a curious smile on his face. He eyed the blonde as a strange feeling of excitement vibrated in his chest. He was so eager to know what she was going to do.

Azriel's eyes narrowed, still in the same state.

Luxiana turned to Rhysand, silently asking him to ask a question.

Which Rhysand did without arguing. He even let out a smirk as his erection was just waiting to wake up in his pants. He loved the authoritative and cold expression his soulmate had at the moment. He knew the Attor wouldn't say anything so easily and he was so eager to know what she was going to do in response. "My city was attacked, how did the king of Hybern learn of its existence?"

"I'll answer that question if you answer mine first," the Attor negotiated with a wicked smile. "Does that human know all the horrible things you've had to do to some of her people under the mountain?”

Rhysand tensed up, clenching his teeth, losing his smile and turning white all at once. He was about to speak, but Luxiana beat him to it. She jumped up, letting out a little cry of joy before turning back to Azriel and saying, all smiles. "I was really hoping he wouldn't answer." She pointed at Truth Teller on Azriel's thigh. "May I?"

Azriel tilted his head curiously but grabbed his knife and gave it to her.

Luxiana caught it. “Thank you,” she said, leaning towards him with a huge cute smile and red cheeks. Azriel felt his heart stop before it started to slam against his chest painfully. But Luxiana straightened up and her smile turned evil again.

“First lesson, Az,” she said, walking over to the beast and crouching down in front of him with a confident air. “Good torture is first and foremost an act of delicacy and precision, not of abruptness and barbarity.”

"So, you see," She placed her hand on the Attor's shoulder, still staring at Azriel. "This species, while seemingly very different, is actually very similar to humans and Illyrians. Like us, their flesh is composed of what are called neuroreceptors that allows, if the latter are stimulated, to transmit a pain signal to the central nervous system which will take it to the brain to obtain a defense reaction."

Azriel tilted his head to the side, paying attention to what she was saying in a mixture of admiration and surprise. He then glanced at Rhysand and Cassian who were looking at her with equal interest.

"But there is one small difference between us and him," Luxiana continued, her smile growing even more devious. "While our neuroreceptors are very small, microscopic, those of these creatures are surprisingly large. So large that we can grab them."

"What?" the Attor said, starting to panic, his eyes flickering between the blonde and the three fae.

With her thumb on the creature's collarbone, she moved it to the base of its neck to press and compress a specific point. "You just have to compress this place, which is the base of its central nervous system, to prevent it from feeling pain." As if to confirm her words, the Attor let out a sigh, seeming to relax for a second since he no longer felt the pain in his already bruised body.

Cassian frowned. "Isn't it the point to make it feel pain?"

Luxiana turned with a mischievous smile towards Cassian. "Of course it is, I'm coming on it."

She refocused on the Attor to position the Truth Teller blade on its thigh and precisely slice a deep slit from top to bottom.

The Attor tensed but was surprised to feel no pain.

Luxiana pushed two of her fingers inside the wound to bring out a sort of strange bloody rib that she pulled with difficulty to take out a part of it and slip Truth Teller's blade between the skin and the cable. "Here is a neuroreceptor stimulated by the blade of the knife. Without my pressure on his central nervous system, he would be screaming in pain because, unlike a simple injury that just hurts a lot at one moment, here, the pain is extreme all the time"

"But," she raised her index finger in the air as she turned to Cassian to continue her explanation, "pressing there allows the pain charge to accumulate in the nerve." She let out a small, cheerful or... mad laugh? "When I release my grip, he's going to feel triple the intensity of the pain. As its legs was being torn off again and again ang again"

The Attor swallowed hard. Luxiana smiled mischievously. "So you still don't want to answer the question?"

A silence fell over them as the Attor weighed the pros and cons, but it was too long for Luxiana. "Great," she gushed, "this will be more fun." Then she released the pressure on the Attor's throat and stood up. The creature's eyes widened before screaming in pain, throwing its head back and struggling as best it could.

Luxiana let out another laugh as she looked at him with a satisfied expression, seeming to enjoy every second of what she was seeing. "And the more he struggles, the more it stimulates his nerves and hurts him, it's great."

The three Illyrians had eyes only for Luxiana, still looking at her with astonishment but admiration.

“Stop, stop,…,” the Attor begged.

“Ah I don’t know,” Luxiana hesitated. She turned to Azriel with a childish look. “Should we stop?”

Azriel smirked as he tilted his head and then without answering, he advanced towards the Attor to remove Truth Teller from his wound. It was better that Luxiana continued to be seen as the bad guy and that the creature was afraid of her.

The Attor was panting and even moaning in relief when Azriel withdrew the dagger and his nerve returned halfway into his thigh.

“So you’re talking?” Rhysand asked, shifting his glare from Luxiana to the creature.

The Attor gritted his teeth, hesitating a little more. Luxiana tilted her head and something lit up in her eyes. "He's resisting! That's so rare!" she said happily. "Well, then too bad for you. We're not playing anymore."

She snuck behind the Attor under the scrutinizing and attentive gaze of the three brown-haired faes to lean towards the beast and whisper in its ear. "I have a riddle for you. What is the cruelest thing that can be done to a creature capable of flight?"

The Attor's expression faded to realization and then terror.

Luxiana smiled wickedly as she felt the fear escape from him. "We're tearing off his wings."

“What?” the creature panicked, shaking in his chair. “You don’t have the right! You won’t dare?! Do something!” he implored Rhysand.

The three Illyrians blanched. Rhysand deployed his power into Luxiana's head and a flash lit up his chest as he felt her let him in again. But he couldn't dwell on it as he remembered what she was threatening to do. But she couldn't do that, could she? "You can't do that," he assured her. "You don't know what it's like to have wings and fly, but to take that away from someone, no matter who they are, or what they've done, is cruel."

Luxiana sat up, smiling at Rhys. She grabbed the Attor's wing and without warning yanked.

The beast screamed at the top of its lungs as the three Illyrians widened their eyes, their blood draining from their faces.

"Shh, shh, shh," Luxiana said, trying to be reassuring and giving the creature a sort of hug from behind. "It's okay, it's still here." She grabbed the wing hanging from the beast's back, now only holding on to an inch or two of flesh. "Look, it's still a little attached. If you're careful, if you speak right away, it might heal and you might even be able to fly again one day!"

Tears of pain began to flow down the creature's cheeks. Its wings. Its wings. How dare she? It began to tremble. He had been wrong. She was so cruel. Then it spoke. "I don't know exactly how it found this city. I know that at one point it could track Rhysand's power. Maybe the queens told it? I don't know."

“Human queens?” Azriel tried to clarify as he tried to take his eyes off his soulmate.

“They’re working with Hybern?” Cassian asked in horror.

“Makes sense!” Luxiana assured, earning surprised glances. Then she turned to Rhysand with a small, innocent and proud smile. “Do you have any other questions?”

The lord asked his questions and the Attor answered them all without discussion.

"Well, let's go," Rhysand finally said after the creature confessed everything to him.

He turned back to the door, glancing at Azriel. "Drop him off at the border of Hybern territory."

Azriel nodded, Cassian straightened up from the wall and held out his hand for Luxiana to take and follow them. But the blonde grimaced, shaking her head. "Forgive me," she breathed.

Rhysand turned to look at her with a look as confused as his brothers'.

Luxiana, who had kept a serious silence during the interrogation, found her cruel smile again. "I'm not as nice as you." She placed her hands on the top of the Attor's wings to grip them while watching from above the creature panic and struggle.

“Luxiana, no,” Rhysand warned her in a commanding voice and a stern look.

The Attor began to panic as he tried to turn his head and eyes behind him towards the blonde to know what she wanted to do. He tried to struggle and move his wings but Luxiana held them in place.

The blonde only looked at the creature with that same evil look on her face because of the satisfaction and power she felt. "I can't forgive him for what he did to Feyre, and for what he did to you."

She finally looked up at the three Illyrians with serious eyes. She gritted her teeth. She hesitated. She had never hesitated before, but now she was afraid that they would be afraid of her. That they would see how cruel she was towards them.

Rhysand looked at her gravely. "It's not about forgiving, it's about sleeping better at night."

"Oh," Luxiana said, taking on an innocent air before returning to her evil smile. "In that case,..." She placed her foot on the back of the chair to gain support and pull with all her strength on the Attor's wings which were violently tearing apart in ghastly cracks and howls.

The three Illyrians' eyes widened and their breaths caught as their soulmate circled the Attor -with both wings in his hands- to throw them in front of him like common objects. Something like dread, shock and denial mixed at first inside of them.

Blood had splattered across her face and onto her black lace dress. She turned to

Rhysand and stepped forward to stop in front of him. “I would sleep much better knowing that the people I love have been avenged.” She smiled in satisfaction as she threw one last disdainful glance back at the still screaming, crying creature.

She walked out of the cell and the three Illyrians followed her automatically with a robotic gait.

Rhysand stopped in the middle of the dungeon's gloomy corridor, not believing what he had just seen. His little soulmate had just taken away the ability to fly from a creature because he had hurt his best friend when he was only an executor. "He was only obeying Amaranta's orders." His brothers froze beside him, giving him a reflexive disapproving look, but they had to admit that they didn't know what to think either.

Luxiana froze a few steps in front of him to glance back over her shoulder while smiling. "Oops, collateral damage," she shrugged. "But it sure feels good."

"Oh my god," Cassian laughed, smiling. His soulmate was full of surprise but damn, she was so sexy like that, with that cold face and that crazy look. He realized more and more the person his soulmate was and his heart beat loudly in his chest. She was a bad ass. She was perfect. Damn, he was in love.

Rhysand continued with an expression as serious as ever. "What you did there..."

"Rhys," Azriel interrupted in a hissing voice. What was he playing at? Did he want his soulmate to feel guilty when she had avenged them and when they had already done much worse, and when this creature deserved it? "We're not all clean either." He had never seen someone torture a person while smiling so much, while taking as much pleasure as his soulmate had just taken. She seemed so... evil. He smiled, her chest tickling him. She was so sexy. So perfect. So his.

Rhysand shook his head, "That's not the point, taking a creature's wings willingly is... it's pure cruelty." Flashbacks of the things he had to do under the mountain, under Amarantha's orders, came back to him. He was a bit like the Attor in the end. And his wings could have been taken away in that same way, because of Amarantha's actions. He paused, grimacing. "That's on Amarantha's level."

Luxiana was electrified through and through with anger. She turned to face Rhysand. "Amaranta?" she shouted, laughing wickedly. "You find me as cruel as Amarantha just with what I just did???" She felt burned with a mixture of hatred, disgust for herself, and sadness. So it was just because of this little cruelty that she had lost them. She had lost them.

She laughed even harder as she took a step towards Rhysand to suddenly take on a cold and evil face. “Don’t you dare compare me to her, Rhysand,” her nostril twitched in disgust at the comparison. “Because what I would have done to that fae to avenge you, would have traumatized you for centuries. Because the cruelty she was capable of and what I just showed here is only a fucking small percentage of what I am actually capable of.”

She took another step forward. "Do you have any idea what I would have done to him if you hadn't been here? He would have been begging for his wings to be yanked off, Rhysand, because I would have fucking paid him back a hundredfold for what he did to you and Feyre, whether he was just following orders or not. Because he was just not on my side." She took another step forward with a wicked smile. "And I'd sleep a little better after hearing every single one of his screams."

She smiled but her teeth were clenched. "Now Rhysand, if you're not afraid of me, then you're completely insane and completely wrong but if you are," she almost pressed herself against Rhysand as she spat out her words. "Remember that the cruelty I'm capable of doing to those who have hurt my friends will give you nightmares for the rest of your life. So stay on the right side of the line."

She turned to take a few steps before stopping. She had lost their respect and appreciation. Her eyes stung. Why did they mean so much to her? She didn’t want to stay here anymore. “Oh, and I don’t have any more time to waste here,” she didn’t turn back to them so she didn’t see their eyes widen and whiten. “Tomorrow I will go to the Summer Court to steal the second part of the book and fulfill the service Feyre owes you, whether you are there or not. I leave at ten, it’s up to you whether you want to be there or not.”

Then she left and the Illyrians couldn't even be surprised that she knew where the exit was, still too shocked by what had just happened and by the fact that their soul mate had just said that she didn't want to stay with them anymore. Cassian turned to Rhysand to glare at him with his other brother. What was he playing at?

#a court of thorns and roses #acotar #acomaf #acowar #azriel #cassian #rhysand #cassian x oc #rhysand x oc #high lord rhysand #azriel x oc #azriel shadowsinger #acotar fanfic #rhysand & cassian & azriel x oc

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