#she was clearly trying to be helpful cuz she was like ‘so nobody does anything that makes you uncomfortable’ but like girl you are making

[girlspecimen]

we so truly and honestly need to bring back free the nipple LOL like i have larger breasts and because of that larger nipples that are occasionally visible in silhouette and i’m constantly shamed and micromanaged by relatives, coworkers, even STRANGERS for having the mere shape of my body be visible even when im wearing sleepwear or dark clothing. i feel like the narrative around women’s bodies is so deeply constrictive and rooted in shame and control that we need to just get rid of it entirely and allow fully bare breasts to not be seen as obscene

[edenfenixblogs]

I have told the one (1) real friend I have out here that I plan to move home because the antisemitic isolation has gotten so bad.

If I were a pettier person, I wouldn’t tell anyone else until I’m already closed on a house back home. And when they’re like “why are you moving?” I’d say “antisemitic isolation from most social groups.” And when they ask “Why didn’t you say anything?” I’d say, “Because you’re the ones who did the isolation.”

I won’t. Cuz that won’t actually solve anything. It’ll just make people who don’t think they’re antisemitic go “oh? Eden? Yeah that was super weird how she called us all antisemites and then left. She must’ve been a Zionist or something cuz I didn’t even say anything about Palestine to her.”

Like…I know. You didn’t say anything to me. You didn’t ask how I was doing. You certainly didn’t acknowledge Jewish pain in any way, beyond liking one (1) post a few months ago. Most of you muted me on here. Most of you don’t respond to unrelated information or posts in group chats about genuinely nonpolitical topics. None of you are ever “free” to hang out. You don’t support me when I’m sad. Fine, maybe that’s not what you do. That’s ok. My emotions aren’t your responsibility. You don’t offer distraction. You don’t offer an ear. You leave me on read when I see you online.

I see the statistics that seem to say “most people think their friends hate them but they actually really like you!”

But I don’t think this applies to Jews. Especially leftist Jews tbh. But I do wonder if the antisemites who hate their Jewish friends even KNOW that they hate their Jewish friends.

Like, I wonder what they’d say if they were asked “Do you dislike Eden?” Because I think they’d say no. I think they’d say that, maybe, I’m a little much right now. I’m a little too intense. Maybe they’d say they like me a lot but just want this all to die down before we hang out. Or maybe they’d say that they did used to like me but I’ve recently made them uncomfortable.

But that’s not friendship. When someone you care about enough to call a friend is literally an emotional wreck for months, regardless of the reason, and you have not at any point attempted to be there for them in any meaningful way (and I mean, at all. Hanging out once. Calling once. Asking how I’m doing once. Saying “antisemitism is bad” even once. Taking me up on my offer to discuss anything about current events if they have questions. Politely declining my offer to discuss current events because you find it all too stressful. Letting me know that you care about me as a person but the current crisis is too much for you to think about right now, so you’d rather not bring it up. Literally ANY of these actions and a million others that would take you hardly any effort at all.) then you clearly don’t think of me as a friend, actually. You do hate me, actually.

Because what kind of person does that to a friend. What kind of person abandons us like this? It’s like they might as well just say “we like you so much, but like…not when you talk about or experience life as a Jewish person.”

They might as well just say “she’s fine enough to be around. Too bad she’s a Jew.”

Or, maybe, being isolated from people for 5 months is really distorting my perspective and none of this is true or valid.

But I can’t help but feel…being isolated for 5 months is very much reinforcing my points.

I’m officially done trying to make plans with any “friends,” except the one person who ever replies to me.

I basically said “if anyone ever wants to hang out, let me know” and that’s the last I’ll say to basically any of them about making plans.

What’s the point? I don’t want to beg people to spend time with me.

That said, when I called one of my best friends back home to tell her I was moving back, I told her the isolation was really getting to me. I told her that I was feeling like maybe nobody ever really liked me all that much and that I’m hard to be around and that being Jewish at this time and experiencing pain publicly was just the final straw to them excluding me. Maybe I’m just fundamentally unlikable.

But she told me that was dumb and I’m dumb for saying it. And she’s seen me at my best and my worst.

Idk. This post is long and personal and weird but I’m trying to be vulnerable and document how I’m feeling during this time. I think maybe I’m prone to look back on this when this current I/P flare is over and think to myself, “maybe I was just making a big deal out of nothing.” I want to have a record of how I’m feeling. Because at this moment when I’m living through it, it feels cataclysmic.

Like..I’m not even concerned about any of my “friends” finding this cuz I’m pretty sure they’ve all muted me anyway.

[12boogaloo]

Okay, I cant take it anymore. The brain rot is REAL

Been on a writing hiatus since 2019 or 2020 (I honestly don’t remember so don’t @ me)

And what gets me to finally start writing again?

You guessed it ladies, gents, and serpents!

Fucking TROLLS 3

Let’s get this bread or die trying y’all 😈

~•~

So first things first: I didn’t come up with the AU’s I’m using here! They were created by TheMiraculousMat and Keebsification on here and AO3

The AU’s in question are The Eldest and The Youngest and Out The Train Wreck

I just love it when people see John Dory and think “hmmm yes this grown man can fit so much eldest daughter energy in him” cuz SAME

So I thought: what if I just… put em together? OTT! JD and E&Y! JD have a grip on my soul and I’m filling a formal complaint in the form of fanfiction for not just 1, but 2 other pieces of fanfiction!!! Cuz why not

I’m gonna post the notes I’ve had about this idea for the past 2 week, at least the first part.

Well… it’s half notes, half chapter really…

Maybe. MAYBE. I’ll clean it up and post it on AO3. Maybe… probably lets be real

Anyway. Y’all can call me Boog and this is Project: Hyperfixation Won

Actual story name pending…

~•~

Part 1: Author’s Actual Notes because they are a nerd

Got an idea

Gonna scratch the itch

Half brain rot dump and half story here

Combination of the Eldest and Youngest JD and the Train Wreck JD

I also head canon that trolls have tails and claws and fangs

They’re lil creatures

Basically the same stuff happens in TW with the manager and John being Branch’s father.

Branch grows up knowing JD is his dad while everyone else thinks they’re brothers.

He and Luka are dating. He’s basically Branch’s other dad.

Luka gets taken and John thinks he died. He keeps his glove to remember him.

The fight still happens. John still leaves but promises Branch that he’ll come back.

He goes to the Neverglades for the next four years.

When he gets a letter about Rosiepuff and Branch he immediately heads back to the tree to take care of him.

Pretty much all of E&Y happens but with the change of Branch knowing JD is his dad.

Makes the trauma of him leaving worse in a way which adds to the angst of the first parts delicious, but it also makes their bond really solid later on.

John forgot that everyone in the village knew them as brothers until Poppy asks him if John is Branch’s daddy out of the blue. He panics and says “no” on instinct and they both decide to just go with it. Easier than explaining it to everyone.

She still doesn’t know. Nobody does.

John still loses his arm trying to save Creek(nasty ass).

One morbid silver lining John felt was that at least it wasn’t the hand he wore Luka’s glove on. Small miracles. Lol I’m sorry

Branch doesn’t remember Luka anymore, at least not really. He sorta remembers a burgundy haired troll that he thought was important but couldn’t remember anything else about them so he didn’t think too much about it.

John doesn’t really like talking about him and Branch hasn’t ever asked so he doesn’t bring it up.

He starts dating Hickory and he does tell him about Luka. He admits that while he definitely is falling for Hickory, a part of him will always belong to Luka and their relationship will always be really important to him.

Hickory is more than okay with that and even tells him that he would’ve loved to have met the man that made his sweetheart so happy and kept him safe before it was his turn. (John just about cried when he said that same buddy and agreed that they’d probably get along pretty well.)(He shows Hickory pictures of him and Luka one day and they laugh over the fact that John clearly has a type.)(And, based on Hickory’s own light blush, same.)(He immediately said Luka was ‘real cute’ and John still laughs at him for it.)

He also tells him about Bold and how Branch came to be. (Hickory spent solid hours comforting him afterwards and spent an equal amount of time thinking of ways he could get Dickory to help him torture the bastard if he ever saw him.)(He decides in that moment that he’d do anything to protect his boyfriend and his son. Anything.) (He’s also even more grateful to Luka when he hears about how he protected his love the day they met. He really wishes he could thank him…)

Branch makes jokes about not calling Hickory his stepdad till they get married, which makes John flush bright blue. (Hickory just laughs and winks, the traitor.)(Hickory secretly really wants Branch to call him ‘Pops’ and he’s so obvious about it.)(Branch finds it hilarious and doesn’t on purpose. He’d actually love to call him that, he’s just being an ass.)(You’d think he wouldn’t ever want to but no. For some reason, it’s only thinking of Hickory as ‘Papa’ specifically that makes him feel wrong. Like that’s not available to him. I wonder why.)

After saving Floyd, the boys all start spending more time together as a family. Floyd and Clay move into the bunker with John and Branch. Bruce still lives on Vacay Island but he tries to visit at least once a week, even bringing his wife and kids with him if he can.

They still love doing shows together and will do a big one every two weeks at least.

A few months later, they’re getting ready to hangout together after a performance in PopVillage. Hickory isn’t with them, he was actually watching with Tiny in the crowd, so he can’t see them.(Lil dude is really attached to his “Uncle Cowboy” and “Uncle Johnny” it’s adorable.)(And yes Guy is close by, Tiny is still very very grounded.)

Poppy wants to introduce them to a former stage manager that she’s worked with before that had come to see the show from TrollCity. Branch has met him once before and thought the guy was weird and a little creepy but nothing else made him feel suspicious so he kinda just ignored it. He figured if Poppy trusted him, it was fine. (Obviously he still kept an eye on the old bastard, cause your boy isn’t paranoid for nothing. And you never know.)

They all agree to meet and when they get backstage… it’s him.

Bold.

The bros old manager. The man who hurt their eldest unimaginably.

JD basically shuts down as his younger brothers immediately shield him from view.

They need to get out of here without causing a scene. Fast.

“Poppy, I think we need to go…” Floyd mumbles, his usually soft features twisting in both anger and slight fear as he stared the old troll down.

Poppy looks at them in confusion, “Wha- but you guys said you wanted to see everything we set up!!” She looks between the brothers and the older manager, Branch joining her as his eyebrows furrowed.

“Sorry, kids, I don’t think we can do that…” Bruce doesn’t take his eyes off of the old man as he steps back, closer to Clay and Floyd who were holding John Dory’s arms and hands to keep him steady in their safety bubble, their tails wrapped around his waist. “Not when he’s here.”

Poppy blinks in confusion. “What do you mean? Have you met Mr. Bold before?” She asks.

The old bastard chuckles. “Don’t worry, Miss Poppy.” Poppy huffs a bit at being called ‘miss’. (She’s Queen, dammit. Only Hickory calls her ‘miss’ and it’s always as a joke.) “I was the boys’ manager back in the day! It’s just been a while since we’ve seen each other.” He looks over each brother, clearly trying to get a look at John Dory and noticeably souring when he’s blocked. Then he smirks, taking a few steps closer, his wooden cane thunking against the floor. John flinches with each tap, tap, tap. “You’ve all grown up so much.”

Bruce holds his ground, crossing his arms and rolling his shoulders, his bigger body blocking most of JD from view. Clay was growling behind him, both him and Floyd curling closer to John and their ears pressed back in irritation. Bruce gives a humorless chuckle. “Heh. Yeah, we’ve grown up, Bold. We grew up and you’re fucking old now.”

Poppy gasps. “B-Bruce, that’s not nice!” She turns to Bold and smiles nervously. “I’m so sorry-“

The man waves her off. “Don’t fret. I’m sure he didn’t mean anything by it. He’s right after all.” He looks at them again all smugly, leaning on his cane. “Like I said, it’s been a long time.”

Floyd scoffs. “Not long enough.” He growls, baring his teeth. His claws start coming out and he’s thankful he’s holding John’s prosthetic arm as he feels them scratch the metal.

“Woah, okay, what the hell is up with you guys?” Branch finally steps in. That was so unlike Floyd to say something like that. He’s never seen the older troll that angry before, he’s never seen any of his uncles that angry before.

Bruce huffs. “What’s up is that we’re leaving. Now.” He goes to turn around to start steering his brothers out of the room when he hears Bold chuckle, making them all freeze.

“You all really have changed so much,” He says, his tail swaying side-to-side behind him. John looks up and they manage to lock eyes, Bold smiling sickly as John stares in horror. “Especially you, Johnny Baby.”

John feels sick. He feels like he’s gonna pass out. He feels his legs start giving out as Clay and Floyd rush to hold him up. He feels his body going completely limp and his vision blurs and his chest hurts and he can’t breATHE-

Bruce tackles the old troll, immediately landing brutal hits to the bastards face. He screams between punches, “DON’T TALK TO MY BROTHER!” Bold tries to hit him back, only managing to smack Bruce in the side once with his cane before continuing to get pummeled.

Branch and Poppy jump in frantically to pull him off of the man and the three of them stumble back. Bruce shoves them off and glares at Bold again. He was lying on the ground, groaning and clutching his nose, there were scratches and bruises on his face and he was covered in his own glittery copper blood. “Stay. The FUCK. Away. From John.” Bruce pants and shakes out his hands, flexing his exposed claws. He spits on the ground. “Bastard.” He turns back to his brothers. “Cmon, let’s get out of here.” He lifts JD up bridal style and Clay and Floyd follow him as he starts rushing to the door.

“Wait, hold on!” Branch runs after them, leaving Poppy standing in confused horror at what just happened.

~•~

That’s what I’ll give for now lol

I have like wayyy more written out but I’m mean so 😈

Anyway

Thank you for coming to my ted talk

Lmk what y’all think ig

Check out the folks that created these AU’s plz @matmiraculous and Keebsification (idk their tumblr so plz don’t yell at me) both on AO3 where I found them

Later yall

[strawberryraviegutz]

I feel like this needs to be said but..Am I the only one getting annoyed with the “Ame Chan is a bad person/problematic” discourse?? I’m not just talking about the ppl who’ve been complaining about her character saying they “didn’t realize how awful she was”. I’m also talking about ppl being like “lmao yall clearly didn’t play the game of course she’s a horrible person you’re just now realizing that??”

You don’t necessarily have to play a game to be a fan of it. It’s pretty common for ppl to watch gameplay videos or videos covering the story of/analyzing games and characters if they can’t or don’t wanna play it. Second I dont think we should just look at Ame through a black and white lense. Ame’s not a horrible person but she’s not necessarily good either. She’s a very VERY flawed person who struggles with mental health issues and addiction and makes rlly bad decisions and says rlly mean/bad things.

But that’s like…literally everyone on earth. Everyone has flaws especially mentally ill ppl, nobody’s perfect. It’s implied that Ame was literally abandoned/disowned by her parents so of course she’s not going to make the best decision with a “stable” mind especially if you’re desperate.

Ame Chan does terrible things/decisions like taking drugs on stream and self harming on stream and I think she even killed herself on stream too in one ending(tho feel free to correct me if I’m wrong) which is obviously irresponsible and dangerous. And she says things that aren’t necessarily nice or the best(some of it is warranted since some of the ppl in her chat were saying rlly awful, gross and even misogynistic things and calling her “old”).

And while she only wanted to be kangel for attention online, it’s kinda possible that she’s been able to have positive impacts on her fans/audience. We’ve seen how she is with the younger side of her fanbase as Kangel. She’s very kind and compassionate and overall very sweet towards them. Kangel’s entire persona is revolved around reaching out to lonley ppl online who’re struggling and to make them happy.

She may be doing it only for money snd attention, but like most ppl who struggle with mental health issues, they sometimes don’t realize the positive impacts they’ve had on the ppl around them. Hell maybe deep down Ame made Kangel to also help reach out to ppl like her online and make them happy too.

And as for the whole shotacon accusations, Ame Chan is NOT a shotacon. It was a very bad translation error and we all know that most translators aren’t always reliable(especially Google Translate) so please stop spreading that around. It’s been debunked already.

Maybe I’m biased because while I don’t have BPD(at least I don’t think so), have never taken drugs, nor have I ever cut myself in like a very VERY long time(tho I never left any scars cuz i didn’t like pain)and have an anxiety disorder and am autistic, I still sorta relate to/kin Ame Chan.

I’ve had my moments where I’ve had emotional and or violent outbursts(not where I’ve beat someone up or broke anything)due to a rush of emotion and or getting real worked up/frustrated online and irl.

And it’s always rubbed me the wrong way when I’ve been seeing ppl trying to put Ame into the box of “bad/problematic person” whether you’re trying to defend her character or not. It’s a lot more complex and morally grey than that and I think characters like her being in media are important to lessen the stigma of mental health whether it be in Japan or worldwide.

Feel free to correct me and fill me in on stuff if I missed anything or left anything out but in conclusion, Ame Chan is a not a good person, but she’s not necessarily a monster and or all bad either and I think ppl on both sides should realize that.

[keets-writing-corner]

NOT ME

WRITING A LUCIFER FIC

AND REALIZING THAT WHAT BOOTED HIM FROM HEAVEN WAS THE HEAVEN ELDERS/ANCIENTS

AND NOT HAVING INCLUDED THATIN THE FIC

WHO ARE THEY????????????

anyways don't mind me just compiling any references of them I can find and/or other sources and/or speculate just to have it all in one place

K so first explicit reference is in Overture during the exposition dump by Charlie. Not sure which EXPLICITLY are these guys so Imma just add/assume who I think

This them? Are these the assholes?

hmmmm okay either that WASN'T them and she was just talking about angels in general, OR Lucifer was ONE OF THEM, but I'm skeptical

okay assuming these 6 guys are the elders, I heard the number 6 somewhere else too, but that's an unverified source. Okay so maybe he's just a really OLD angel but younger than the elders? Were they like his strict homophobic/fantasy forbidding family or whatever?

Okay so that's clearly Sera and these silhouettes are different, so NOT the elders

Side note, why is Sera so BIG

anyways

that was episode 1... I don't think there's any mention of elders until Dad Beat Dad so let's go to there

Here they are

6 of them again, and the silhouettes match much closer the ones where Charlie directly talks about them. They have 6 wings too tho, so I'm willing to go out on a limb they're all seraphim like Lucifer and Lucifer and Sera were just younger ones (personally headcanoning that Lucifer is even older than Sera, maybe she looked up to him?)

TIME TO GO THROUGH WELCOME TO HEAVEN FRAME BY FRAME AHHH

okay the way Emily says that makes it sound like there are only two seraphim, herself and sera, and lucifer but he clearly doesn't count anymore. So then what are the elders? A different class of seraphim??? they got the 6 wings so what's going on???

"The seraphim" as in a group. But Emily didn't know about the exterminations... IM SO CONFUSED

Sera okayed the extermination, we know that much, but Emily didn't know about it. Do/did the elders know???

K looking at the court angels

Sera and Emily are clearly the highest ranking, there are at least a handful of familiar silhouettes that could be seen in the exposition, so I'm guessing none of these are winners and are all OG angels

are the mysterious elders the ones passing divine judgement?? nobody else is in the loop and they seem the type to withhold information

oh REALLY mmm say like the opinions of 6 crusty old angles is being treated like law??

me: -trying my hardest to dig up lore that I need/want for the fic- Hazbin hotel: teehee you don't know >:)

I did find confirmation that the rest of the court (not-seraphim) in fact did not know about the extermination, look at how equally horrified they are during "You didn't know"

I'm scrounging for scraps in a dumpster I swear

Sera IS the head Seraphim, which would make sense if it's just between her and Emily who's younger (and her job is just to keep everyone happy, which is very suiting for her) but it does imply a degree of separation between Emily/Sera levels of seraphim and whatever the elders are

"Heaven" needs them to perform their roles... but Sera isn't the highest authority, cuz she's scared that maybe someone else would boot Emily from heaven just for asking questions. The elders are clearly ABOVE Sera if she can't do anything about their verdicts.

okay side note

ohhohoho did Sera feel bad for Lucifer >:3c were they CLOSE? >:3c DID SHE DO NOTHING TO HELP HIM??? >:3c Is she ashamed? Is this why she just folds to preserve whatever the elders ordered? Is she scared of them?

Okay only other episode I can look at rn is the last one

sooooooo yeah these two are the only Seraphim that aren't considered "elders" ugh okay things gathered from the episode:

Both Elders and Seraphim have 6 wings

as far as seraphim go, including Lucifer, there are only 3 total that we know of if not period and they are highest ranking but subordinate to the elders

the Elders hold absolute authority being the ones who very clearly and (implied) violently booted Lucifer out of heaven, Sera cannot override their decisions and fears Emily also being booted

They have very specific silhouettes and there are 6 of them

TIME TO SCROUNGE THE INTERNET

nope nevermind, the only thing I found from an actual source was Vivziepop saying in a stream, and I'm paraphrasing the wiki that links it "Information about heaven is being wrapped for later in the series" "It is very interesting" and Dave Capdevielle has a thing about heaven he finds interesting but won't talk about it cuz it's spoilers

In conclusion: RIP ME guess I'll just have to head canon my way through chapter 1 of my fic, ugh I have so much rewriting/adding to do

Chapter 1 is already like 10k words (the fic so far has 30k words and I'm pretty sure that amount is going to quadruple or quintuple by the time I'm done) UGH FINE LETS GO

On the bright side, this gives me MOAR ANGST OPPORTUNITIES? hmmm I might just tweak what I have tho and add some extra scenes? Major thinking needs to be done

[karmarox]

Kallamar the Coward, Pt 2: Famine and Pestilence

Expanding on my previous Kallamar headcanon, I wanted to go more in depth on these two, particularly because of how often I see fanon treat their relationship as kind of one note (IE "Heket is the strong girlboss and Kallamar is the wimp so lets see her push him around and bully him cuz it's funny har har har").

It's easy to presume that after the sealing of The One Who Waits and the Bishops' injuries, Heket took over as "leader" of the Old Faith, being the one to take charge in meetings and sermons, speaking first despite her injuries, commanding the others, and being especially mindful and doting of Shamura and concerned over their mental state.

Heket isn't particularly strong. She's only a bit stronger than Leshy. In fact, by the time you reach her, it's pretty easy for your Cult to have grown enough that she's practically a pushover compared to how limited you are when you only have Darkwood and the starting Cult facilities available to you.

The second youngest ended up being promoted to a parental figure, due to the eldest being in no state to lead, and the second eldest having evidently broken down from the stress and nobody acknowledging he had his own trauma despite how "light" his injuries were compared to everyone else.

I think Heket's view of her elder brother would have definitely been damaged after she was forced to step up due to his failings. But even then... I think she does care about him. Unlike how instantly ready Narinder and even Shamura are to criticize Kallamar, and unlike how the common fanon portrayal is ready to have all of the bishops tear Kallamar apart for the sake of the joke of him being a flat character, Heket never directly insults him. At most she's pushy and commanding and hard on him.

I'd like to think she wants him to help again. To get out of whatever funk he's in and be the responsible one that took care of her and Leshy and Shamura at the start. So she pushes, tries to get him to take charge. She knows her own weakness even if she won't admit it. She wants, needs him to be the Bishop she knows he can be, knows he used to be. Even in his cowardice and unwillingness to move she still has him as the second in command and wants him to work together with her to manage the Old Faith and, once the game happens, deal with the Lamb.

But dealing with trauma isn't as easy as just giving the victim a "push" to try to make them get over it. Heket is tragically unaware that if anything, her trying to force Kallamar out of his comfort zone might actually be making things worse, making him recede deeper and deeper into his anxieties, failures, and resentment.

Just look at how doting Heket always is towards Shamura. Even after all that's happened (even after everything was Shamura's fault it was their fault all their fault everyone is like this now), Heket looks up to Shamura the most, follows along everything they say, tries to do what she thinks will make Shamura proud. Even when Shamura hasn't even tried to hide that Narinder the traitor is and always will be their favorite!! How could Heket still care about Shamura? How come she's never showed any of that concern for him? Why does he have to be strong and tough it out all the time just because he's the elder and "only" lost his ears?

Kallamar resents Shamura, potentially even sincerely hates them because of everything. But Heket? Heket hurt Kallamar in a way she doesn't even realize. Really, they hurt each other. Not to the extent Narinder did to all of them, but unlike what Narinder did, these wounds are invisible.

It's tragic what brother and sister have been left to. Heket would never openly call Kallamar a coward or failure like the others, but she's clearly disappointed in her senior falling apart when everyone needed him most. Kallamar cares enough to still be by her side whenever she asks, but resents her for always pushing him around, and for the favoritism she shows towards Shamura despite all that he's done never openly being acknowledged. On the one hand, he's ready to criticize her leadership abilities behind her back (such as when chatting with the Lamb). On the other, once his little sister is dead (SHAMURA'S FAULT ALL THEIR FAULT AGAIN) he's immediately ready to disown and sell out Shamura. Some might say it's all to save his own skin because he knows he's next, but what if it's also because without his little siblings he doesn't have any reason to serve the Old Faith anymore?

But maybe... now that their responsibilities are gone, things can get better. Who knows, maybe one day they'll actually be able to communicate. Kallamar still holds a lot of resentment, and Heket is definitely not acclimating to the Cult well and seems to have just become a bitter, angry person to everyone around her now that she's been reduced to a mortal, but now that he's much more like his past self, I can see him trying to dote on his little siblings again. His relationship with Shamura and Narinder are probably damaged beyond ever even considering repair, but Heket? She'll always be the little frog he had to take care of while Shamura was busy playing favorites.

[k-white]

Wanna give my 2 cents about Moonlight Chicken cuz I literally waited a whole year for this show! (like for real I saw the mock trailer in february 2022 at the start of my dive back in thai bl)

So I watched the first episode, later and was able to avoid spoilers!, and LOVED IT!

First of all the cinematography is literally an orgasm for the eyes! it is GOURGEOUS with those blue and oranges and reds, for the directing I am no expert but with Aof I always love his style

Next appreciation of the first shot with the long one take that trows you into the echtic lofe of the diner and introduce the important people in Jim life

I already love Gaipa as I knew I would (Khao is one of my favourite and I am so happy to see him back to his soft boys characters) and i hope he gets a happy ending🥺

EM chemistry always on point! I blushed and sqeeled so much in the bed scenes🫣🤭

Also they improved so much over the years! since ATOTS to CLW to this they got consisntly better and I feel so proud of their improvements especially Earth that was on the backseat of gmmtv for YEARS and is finally blooming with a partner that complemets him and durectors that can help develope his talent

I already love the kids Li Ming is feisty and strongwilled and take no shit from the richer, and Heart is a baby that got shitty parents that are unable to handle a disabled kid and resort to the "lets keep him shut inside so nobody sees him" I cannot wait for Li Ming to help him open up

Wen is a little slut it's canon! also switch! we love that

loved the subtle introduction of Alan, he wasn't even shown but you can feel his present, in the talk Wen had in the gym, and in Wens house

I also wanna know what the deal is their relationship cuz it feels like not Wen homself and his firend talk about his hook up with no remorse regarding Alan, and also someone on twitter said that maybe they broack up prior to the show and are still living together for convenience, or are on a breack but still living together... We will see also I cannot eait to see my adored First!

I love when Khao plays a wipped character! he does it so well like the onesided crushes and just being a boy in love ready to do anything for the person he loves, also Aof is so right when he sais Khao has a charm to him that draws you to look at him! and I loved seeing the comments here that said they focussed on him whenever he was on screen! I love my boy

I died when Gaipas mom literally called him out on his crush on Jim! and she was also trying to help him with that we love a supportive mom! also Saleng at the beginning clearly knows whats up! and I am pretty sure Jim knows as well but doesn't want to breack his heart so is playing dumb

I am sure the working for the hot uncle is gonna be a very smart move Wen that is not surely gonna bite you in the long run lol also he is alredy getting jelous of my baby Kaipa

This 1 episode really captured me and the episode felt so much more that the average gmmtv show! it felt elevated with the pace and cinematogrphy also everybody was amazing with their acting! so exited to see how it goes on!

[cookiewoli]

INSOMNIA, HERE I AM AT 3AM WWEEEEOOOOOO let's cry together mate

It always pissed me off to hear people saying "There's no reason for your trauma. It's not that bad, you're overreacting" when I say that October-november-december are really hard periods for me, especially with CPTSD. People don't get what CPTSD is when they're saying "Turn the page. It's over. Don't think about it anymore, it's the past"

Okay, please open your Google navigator and search what CPTSD is.

The principle of CPTSD is that you can't escape your past, and you keep reliving it. To be simple.

STORY TELLING

TRIGGER WARNING ↓

Haha, okay it's past, I agree with it. "Trying to forget ?" More of 16 years of abuse ? Close your eyes on all the scars visible on your body, that will stay forever ?

Okay, go ahead, try to live with flashback and nightmares all the time.

Making nightmares remembered you the day where your mother kidnapped you. The day your dad tried to threw you through the window. The evening where your mother told you "Kill yourself. My life will be better without you. Nobody cares about you" while dragging you to the balcony.

Try to imagine living everyday with the fear that the people who abused you (for me, whole mother family, and especially mother and grandma) came for you and take you away from your actual life.

This is the nightmare I have the most. The nightmare that my mom and grandma catch me and take me back home. To a place I could never escape anymore. That fear get worse when my grandma came right in front of my house, spamming the bell. I don't remember what happened after, but my fiance and his friends here said that I was totally "gone", dissociated for hours.

Try to live when a little casual thing is a trigger for you. One of my biggest trigger is feeling cold. Yeah, it can be seems dumb and people are often laughing "lmaaao bUt iT's nOt a triGgeR wArNinG iF you'Re fEeliNG coLD iT haPpeN tO eVeryOne" but people are always judging you before knowing the whole story. Want to hear a good one ? Ah shit, here we go again, trigger warning ↓

I'm glad to not be often sick. Maybe twice per year, or not at all. Thanks to it, I would be already dead. I will explain why.

When I have a cold, my mother has her "own method" to heal. I wasn't understanding her method with me, because it's not the same that when it's her who is sick.

The worse was when I was sick during winter. Cuz yeah, most of the time, you're getting a cold during this season.

My mother was locking me into my bedroom. Naked. Without eating. The radiator off, and the window wide open, when it was less than 0°C outside. Imagine being lock into a freezer to simplify. Her explanation ? "To weaken the illness, you have to weaken yourself." 'To make the fever down, you have to be as cold as possible." But when it was her who was sick, she was laying under a big blanket, watching movies, drinking hot tea an eating a good meal and then takes a hot bath.

But you know what was the worst part ? It's not feeling like meat in the frozen section of the supermarket.

She was leaving the blanket into my bedroom. Right at my feet, clearly into my sideview. But she was telling me "If I'm coming in, and see you under the blanket, even just your toe, you will regret it."

And bam, she lock the door. I was not allowed to curl up in a ball. Because it can produce heat. She was coming to check that I was lying on my back. Just like a dead body at the mortuary.

I can't explain how does it feel to be trapped into this freezer. At the beginning, you can't help shivering from the cold. Sometimes you bite your tongue because you're shaking too much.You try to imagine yourself into a hot desert, but I can swear to you that it doesn't work at all.

After 1 hour, when you're watching your skin, it's kind of blue-purple. But you're not feeling anything anymore. I was feeling like into a dead body. So I was pinching very hard my arm, or self harming deeply to check if I was still alive. But you're don't ever feel the physical pain anymore. Just your psychological pain. You're feeling so, so, so cold, and the blanket is right in front of you. But you're not allowed to use it. It was the hardest part for me. Watching this fucking blanket, and hear my mom laughing when watching a movie in the living room and probably eating something tasty.

All you can do is cry all the tears from your body, feel your stomach crying out and then sleep. Times goes by so quickly, and you're loosing your sense of time. What time is it ? What day is it ? How many times am I trapped here ? At the end, you're opening your eyes for 5min and then fell asleep for several hours.

But at the end, just before dying probably, my mother was coming into my bedroom and threw me pills in the face. "You can't even heal yourself without my help. Pitiful.€

Thanks to this experience I lived several time, I have a BIG immunity to cold. Like an idiot, I'm going out with a tee-shirt and a skirt during winter when it's 5°C outside without feeling anything. But when I'm feeling cold, sometimes, I recall this memory as if I were there again. You remember the physical pain of your stomach growling, the psychological suffering, the hard desire to hide under the blanket, and the fear of see your mother coming into your room.

So I want to scream stfu to people laughing at me when I say that feeling cold is a big trigger warning. Stop judging people on their trauma. All people are different. A trauma that seems "not that bad" for you can be a big pain for someone else. And most of all AOZKDNFIAKA STOP COMPARING YOUR TRAUMA TO OTHERS, like "yeAh bUt I liVeD tHis, iT's wOrsE tHan yOu, so yoU doN't hAvE to coMplaiN abOuT yOuR trAuMa bEcausE it'S noThinG cOmparEd to miNe"

Remember that your trauma is valid. You have the right to suffer. It's not "not that bad" even if people are keeping saying this to you. Your trauma is YOUR trauma. People don't have the right to tell you how to feel about it. It's okay to feel pain. It's okay to remember the past. You have to get through it to be able to heal.

Drawing : avogado6

[pwblogarchive]

February 2006

February 1, 2006

paris in a flash. breath in the air. love is the kind of magic you save for when you are cornered. its your backup. sing a scandal. papparazi on songs. tu es belle.

2/1/06 Q&A

question

are you aware that people are saying that theyll go to many of your shows on the black clouds and underdogs tour that they really arent going to go to? i noticed on the my local bands thing that people from arizona said that theyre going to the columbia show. does this mean theyre getting more points than everyone else? is this fair? what about all the honest kids out there that just want to see you guys and have fun? thanks! love you pete!

answer

we’re weeding out the cheaters. dont worry. keeping it honest will pay off in the end.

question

hey pete, at the aol sessions thing, why was andy in a whole different room? k well shelby

answer

he smells terrible. no. well haha- in order to record live drums and have it sound okay its better to isolate each instrument- especially with cymbals.

question

Yo Pete. I got my bamboozle tickets and I was wondering…are you guys gonna play like 4 songs, or a full set?

answer

we are most definitely going to play a full set.

question

have u ever taken a naked picture with nothing but a box of frosted flakes covering ur pieces and spaces? my myspace friend tony has… get it cuz tony the tiger……

answer

doesnt he wear like a bandana? thats kind of erotic.

question

PETER! So are you really engaged and having a baby?

answer

totally. we live in a castle in the sky and my backyard is made out of clouds. its real great except for when the dragon comes around.

question

hey love…my little sister is getting major surgery next week (7yrs old)….shes getting a feeding tube put into her stomach, and this time theyre going to have to move her organs around and try not to puncture them…and she loves you and patrick, you especially (she only listens to songs where she hears you in it..screaming)so if you have anything to say to her…cuz shes a wreck over this…she should be…and any suggestions for me, because…right now shes emotionally stronger over this than i am…i just keep on thinking if something goes wrong….anyway, thanx pete

answer

prettymuch you just need to think positively. you have not been made sisters by a series of accidents or coincidences. clearly, you love eachother and the best thing you can do is be there for her. ill think about her before i go to sleep tonight.

question

I heard that FOB is breaking up is it true xo

answer

no way. we are on our second honeymoon.

question

Ive never met you. All I know about you are internet rumors and what is on this website. And for some reason I find this easier to say to you than anyone I know. Im going through a really hard time in my life, where I feel that I dont fit in. Even with my close friends. At church, at home, everywhere. I dont even know myself now. Im so confused about everything, Im questioning my own religion, my morals, whats right and wrong…everything. I dont know what to do, and I have times when I just want to give up. I keep a razor in the drawer next to my bed just in case. I need help…and I dont feel like I can tell anyone, but just typing this all down makes me feel slightly better, knowing that maybe someone might read this and care about a small town nobody gives me enough strength to go on for another day.

answer

i totally understand what you are saying. i wish i could say that it all goes away, but i think these are things that will plague us all until our deathbed. i would definitely throw the razor away, you dont need it- its not a solution- sometimes its easier to take it kind of one breath at a time… you know? its easier in small steps.

question

What does “im two quarters in a heart down” mean?

answer

i was trying to through to someone on a payphone, it was a 50 cent call from where i was to them.

February 2, 2006 

1:16 pm 

this city helps me forget love doesn't bore me. it disappoints me. there is a pile of lamps and clocks stuck on 11:11. cause i wish i could fucking believe you. 

February 6, 2006

Amsterdam to los angeles.

I am in love with being home.

If you come out to the house of blues in la tommorrow we are playing a super smal show with: jacks mannequin and shiny toy guns. Its already sold out but were gonna give out 5 free tickets. Don’t get your hopes too high.

You aren’t my goodluck charm anymore.

February 7, 2006

momma and poppa are cute. they were all at the hob la show. my dad says "will you please introduce your mother to jay-z". jigga and my mommy totally chatted.

wow.

oh and the show was amazing.

- petey

2/07/06 Q&A

question

Sometimes you write about seeing “old fall out boy fans” at shows. How can you tell? No way you recognize all those faces. Also, I just wanted to say that my first memory of FOB was in the local section (i guess cause andy is from menomonee falls and the store was in milwaukee) of a record store by my house a few years ago & now the same band is on TV & t-shirts across the nation. fall out boy: what a trip.

answer

my visual memory is pretty good. usually i can remember faces. sometimes i am off. but i definitely remember kids in every single town. i can’t remember any names ever- my auditory memory is terrible.

question

JT LeRoy mystery solved: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/11215643/page/2/  

answer

disappointing.

February 8, 2006 

5:04 am 

so you want the truth been living just outside of okay for awhile now. but its changing. whatever story you heard about me is not true. im pretty sure im not gonna bring home a grammy tommorrow. but i will have lots of good pictures. how i am feeling about someone is always changing. except i am allowed to be happy inside my head right now. ive been scared of everything for far too long. i haven't let myself be alright. but ive done alot of thinking on the 12 hour flight here. i just like being around certain people. new friends make my heart flutter. old ones make me feel homesick. been going to grammy parties all week. yeah im that guy in the corner lurking hard. its kinda creepy. ive been training the last month for our video- however i think i may have sprained or fractured my foot in the last day. if this thing turns out the way it is supposed to- it will be the most epic thing fall out boy has ever done. i dont miss you but i do miss the idea of you. i went and looked at houses out in california again today- i want to get a dog and a backyard. maybe not just yet. but maybe. my clock is ticking on your pretty face. my dad got drunk tonight and talked shit to all of my friends. pretty amazing. i wish i had it on video. total release the bats two material. i want to do a tv show like the wonder years starring fall out boy. i don't think any networks would be too interested. dont call it a comeback. put pennies on my eyes when i die. you are new moons and fresh sheets and the end of that one dream. love the fancy kid. 

2/09/06 Q&A

question

do you ever wish you could start life all over again?

answer

yes. i think about it all the time. i would try and be more honest and not make so many mistakes.

question

I am holding my breath until the new Fall Out Boy video. When do you expect it to be finished?

answer

itll be done filming on tuesday- i promise you this is one of a kind. do not expect dance, dance again.

2/10/06

question

In the video Dance, Dance, you wispered to Patrick something. What did you whisper? And what was your favorite album and video that you made?

answer

“ive got to pee so bad”

question

pete, are you and ashlee simpson sexing?? ~the boardies P.S. she doesnt love you like we do

answer

okay just because this question has been asked one million times— we are friends. she is a sweet girl. ps- i could never lololove a girl as much as the boardies.

question

so what products do you use to keep your face blemish free?

answer

pore cleanser, reinvigorator, and a t-zone moisturizer by ponds.

question

why is Patrick the on;y one who smiles in like all of your albums and postres and stuff? i mean i was looking at the cover to “take tis to your grave” and patrick was the only one smiling.

answer

he makes us all super sad right before the pictures are taken always. and then smiles cause he likes it when people are sad. or the other answer is i dunno.

February 19, 2006

things that both currently annoy and amuse me:

ariplanes

"hottie mchottie" and other hilarious lines that should not be said.

east coast weather.

west coast girls.

yawning.

being awake all night.

i am tired.

- petey

February 19, 2006

posted from petes friends or enemies blog

February 19, 2006

i feel like howl from howls moving castle embodies every single feeling that goes through my head.

that is all. i am in the lobby of a hotel in new york city waiting for something that isn't ever going to happen.

i am calculating all of the legs and drunken stutters. i am precise. i am a machine. i am a hot mess.

- petey

February 19, 2006

i heard fall out boy on the radio for pretty much one of the first times ever last night. it made me once again realize that 99 percent of the reason anyone will ever like this band is because patrick has the best voice on the planet. that kid is the golden ticket.

i want a girl that wont laugh at anyone elses jokes.

i want a girl i can love in hour increments.

i want all of my ex loves to love me forever.

the new video will suprise you.

pictures soon at:

www.clandestine.buzznet.com  

www.friendsorenemies.com  

February 19, 2006

we put the f.u. back in fun so ive been reading many peoples diatribes lately. about what punk rock is and how bullshit this whole scene is. about how we all need to fuck off and die. well the truth is youre so fucking brave and i am so fucking cliche. i am okay with that. but i believe in these songs and these eyes and these sweated out rooms. the words your write hurt my eyes and my back is sore from being hunched over the screen all night. you cheapen what i do by casually throwing barbed statements at my friends and fans. leave. we don't fucking need you. we dont care what you think about us. we dont need to sit in clubs and watch you excuse yourself to the bathroom every 20 minutes, just cause we know how it goes. we dont need to watch you onstage. the best songs sing themselves. ive said it since day one. this is my rushmore. this saved me. fuck you for trying to ruin it. new songs are my middle finger back to you. im sorry youre gonna have to wait awhile to hear yourself called out through the speakers. i love the way they always ask to see my room key when i walk into my hotel at night. like i do not belong. because i do not belong. i love opposition. i love the haters. i love mondays. i love accidents. i love "no more chances". i love walking through this city at night where i do not know anyone. because i do not know anyone. i love secret shows. i love coded messages. i love the way you have me figured out so much better than i have myself figured out. 

xo peterabbit

2/19/06 Q&A

question

thank you for not making craptastic videos. Will continue with the making of noncrappiful videos with this next one?

answer

well see. i think this one is gonna be a 180 degree change. i hope you like it.

question

Is the world ever going to be luck enough to get a Fueled By Ramen tour? Say with you guys, the academy is…, panic! at the disco, and days away? Or any other of the Fueled By Ramen crew?

answer

we are planning a decaydance tour for next summer possibly- tai, panic, gym class, and a couple others are all possible tourmates.

question

p33t!please give us some hints about the video?!? do you know when its going to be finished for our viewing pleasure?

answer

okay think kungfu hustle meets the lost boys meets the warriors.

2/22/06

question

Lately it seems like you, not as a band, but as a person have been undergoing a lot of minor changs, which together are seeming to make you an unrecognizable person to some. Is the Wentz we all came to know and trust really deteriorating in front of us? You guys, and your music, and your humor are a stable thing in the lives of many, and the idea that you wont be staying as we thought we knew you for even just now honestly scares the shit out of me. Are the few of us going to have to distance ourselves before we end up following and befriending something we cant even recognize, or are you still for better or worse going to be the ingenious, hilarious smartass we see you as?

answer

i dont know how to answer this question. i think if i was truly deteriorating before you i would still answer that i wasn’t because id feel nervous revealing that. at the same time i feel that i love more and more spending afternoons walking through this city by myself away from all of this nonsense. if that makes any sense. i dont really know who you know me as- i dont really know who i know myself as- i am sorry i dont have a better answer. i am as confused as you.

question

Does Patrick know that he is my Schmexy lil Lepricon?? because he really really is.

answer

wow. haha. i will be sure to pass it along.

question

I miss the old Peter , bangs , eyeliner and all . Im so sad.

answer

the old peter didn’t have any of those things. its just a hair cut. its just makeup. its just my bone structure. its just a picture. focus one evrything else there is- the words, the music, the laughs, the jokes, the connection, the sweaty haze in the room right before the last song. everything is gonna be ok. patrick, pete, joe, and andy are making a new record and a video to scare off anyone that ever thought any of us were pretty.

question

peter, youre such a dino-whore. can we expect you and the guys to be doing any skits on SNL?

answer

no

question

you and hey chris arent friends anymore. sadness. do you think this will be ever resolved and you guys will be friends again?

answer

im only answering this question so it will not be asked again: i don’t believe in bringing or speaking about situations with my friends or family online. they are the only part of my life that i guard intensely. i hope that you will respect that. what goes on with me and chris is between me and chris and i have never and will never address it online or milk it for attention.

2/24/06

question

will we be getting a pre-MTV look at the A Little Less Sixteen Candles a Little More Touch Me music video like we did with Dance,Dance? The few pics i saw reminded me of Michael Jackson for some reason.

answer

there will be more and more pictures over at www.friendsorenemies.com - im not sure if we’ll have a video preview ready in time. this thing is gonna be different. don’t expect 80s highschool movies and usher dancing -

2/26/06

question

why is pete such an asshole and patrick such a sweetheart?

answer

hahaha. true. when we were being made into a boyband by lou pearlman he was like: patrick you are gonna be the shy guy and pete you are gonna be the badboy with attitude. i cant help it. you dont argue with lou.

question

PETE YOU MAN WHORE BAND NAMES. PLEASE

answer

caps lock does not make up for not using enough words to be understood.

question

can you help me think of a new away message

answer

blinkhurleyiheartbilljoe41: “hi, i am outside breathing oxygen. the sunlight hurts my beady little eyes cause i sit in a dark room on the internet all day and night. my legs feel wobbly because i have been looking a n00ds all day. please be my friend in real life and not just on the dorkweb.”

question

I want to go to a secret show obviously, but where are we supoosed to look for these “clues”?

answer

they are all over the place. look hard: clandestine.buzznet.com - friendsorenemies.com - www.fueledbyramen.com

question

Pete, the new october fall cd is amazing. will you please tell Patrick that I think his voice is amazing in that song. his voice is always amazing, but there is just something else to his voice in Second Chances!! and now for my question… is decaydance looking at any new bands that you might sign in the near future?? Youshouldsignfictioncityyoushouldsignfictioncity!!!

answer

thank you… october fall should suprise some people i think… we are always looking for new bands. i will check them out.

question

which person from the simpsons would you most like to date??and why.:0

answer

hahaha tricky….. hmmm. marge i guess. but you know she has a BOYFRIEND.

question

Why is it that the songs do not match their titles?

answer

they do.

question

Im thinking of selling my PATD ticket, persuade me that seeing them will be worth the expenses!

answer

listen to their record. that is your persuasion. trust me.

question

Pete, Ive had a hard time talking to anyone about this, so I just thought that I could say it to you. Recently my Nan died. This has been my first experience with death in my family. Ive been distraught, but no ones really talked to me about it. I keep thinking that my mom or dad or one of my sisters will die, and Im always worrying about them. Its really driving me crazy. I dont know how to get past all this. Thanks for reading this. Your music is what has kept me going this long. x

answer

ive felt this before. its strange how the more you watch tv and the world around you- the more you think about people around you dying. it can drive you crazy. it can make you hang on too tightly. to me the only answer is to treasure the people around you. so youll never feel like you missed out. live every day.

February 28, 2006

3:50 pm (from HeyChris)

an open letter to pete wentz.

it takes a lot to make me mad. 

it takes even more to infuriate me.

so, after all this time i finally learned the truth. that it was you telling my ex girlfriend lies and secrets. despite even giving you the pass card after i caught you trying to talk dirty to her online, this is how you repay me? no wonder why you couldnt look me in the eye on the bus last summer and no wonder why you avoided me every chance you got. 

you hug me and tell me you love me then you tell lies to my girlfriend behind my back to lure her away from me? you tell her i cheat on her and then you tell me to come stay on the bus?

you are a spineless fucking sham.

i regret every second i spent defending you and your selfish ways. 

dont forget, i know you. not that shitty glammed up poser image you present to the masses to consume. the dude i knew never would have worn a fucking dinosaur shirt or sold out one of his friends. the dude i knew had heart and fucking loyalty. well lil buddy, you are fucking done.

you want to sell me out to the most important person in my life and then have the audacity to make ME think I did something wrong to not deserve your friendship? you fucking arrogant bastard. 

since we're discussing sellouts lets discuss how when kids give you presents you laugh at them and throw it straight in the trash. oh yeah, ive seen it many times. lets talk about how you talk shit about the fat girls that are your fans and mock their letters. you are fucking undeserving of every ounce of attention you've ever gotten. from every one of your calculated business moves to your "spontaneous" jumps in the crowd parts to your well rehearsed cliche lines you've been spouting for 400 shows in a row. you're boring, contrived and old. "oooh, no one loves me, its sooo hard being on magazine covers and tv shows. someone save me from me." what are you, fucking 12? go light your little candles ask yourself why no one will ever truly love you. its amazing no one has caught on to your little fucking show. you're nothing more than a shitty opportunist business man with even shittier fashion sense.

so pack up and move to whatever million dollar house you've picked out in california paid for by your lies and hypocrisy and deceit and selfishness and over medicate yourself like youve been doing for years...because guess what? no one wants you here anymore. you are not welcome. 

oh yeah, hows that straight edge tattoo doing? as well as the tattoo for your "crew" who now refer to you as a fraud and a con? stay gold dude, stay gold.

remember this each night of the tour when you play the lie, "hey chris, you were our only friend." 

downplay it all you want by saying the song is about "friends", but guess whos fucking name you're saying each and every night? mine. thats right. what a bunch of fucking phonies. sing the songs you dont even believe in anymore. fucking liar.

you know the friends i have and you know how we feel about loyalty. 

you know who im talking about and you know they're not happy either.

so dont get caught slipping and you better make damn sure you watch whos on your guest list because a plus one might come backstage to punch your fucking teeth out and tear the windpipe from your throat. 

you fucking sell out. 

oh, and next time you decide to write another song about me, do it right you fucking coward.

**********REPOST EVERYWHERE YOU CAN**************** 

Current Music: the promise - crush all fakes."

oh what a monster we've created.

when i am called by my manager to read a post that is burning through the internet it makes me wonder. ive never responded to rumours or shittalking online, no matter who it came from- at the same time there is nothing that makes my blood boil more than reading this- being who i am, my first instinct is to blow it off- but then i consider how anytime anything is written on the internet people believe its true- no matter what, no matter the biases or subjectivity of the sources. my first instinct is to lash out- to say everything i think about you and every situation- to defend myself and attack you. as unbelievable as it is- i am an extremely insecure person- everytime i read something about myself negative or positive i react in probably the exact same way anyone would.

- 

but like i said- i am going to continue to do this my own way, what i consider to be the higher road. i understand when we get angry we often lash out- ive done it myself on many occassions. if you want to talk to me about any of this call me on my cell phone and we can do it one on one-

i will not be responding to anything else-

however, the attacks about our fans and the people that listen to this music and read these words is completely offbase- the fans of this band are my entire life- ive lost my girlfriend, my friends, much of my "normal" life- just to keep this relationship going- this isn't to say that i dont make mistakes, take misteps. just because youve seen me on tv or at a show doesn't make me anything less or more than human. you dont ever see the other side of the way we agonize over every decision we make or try our best to please everyone- because we've given up in bands before and we know how it feels and we dont want that to happen. everyone in the band is upset about this- remember everyone that makes up fall out boy- they all wanted me to voice that we appreciate our fans and friends that weve met more than anything- and that we realize because of where we are all the arrows are pointed at us- but we will try our best. and we do try our best. we also, have far more faith in the intelligence and dedication of the people that believe in us to think that they will be swayed easily. if you want to hear other stories of how we actually talk about our fans or think of them please ask other bands, they will testify to how we really act. we just want you to know that in four years when noone cares, we still hope you are there. im not going to freak out or whatever, but please an attack on our fans or our relationship with them as a p.r. move is uncalled for.

this doesn't need to be reposted anywhere- i am sure that fob fans know where to find it.

chris if you want to talk the phone line is there.

i wrote this pretty fast so i apologize for the typos and run-ons.

until then, thank you to everyone who reserves judgment and has my back until the end of time.

- petey

2/28/06 Q&A

question

IM JUST DYING TO KNOW, WHEN IS “RAINY DAY KIDS” COMING OUT?

answer

ive pushed it back. ill be honest alot of the writing in there was halfassed. words are really the only thing i care about so i want them to be perfect. i will try and figure out a release date and when we do, i will post it. i apologize. i dont want to put out some shitty book.

question

pete i am 13 and have been single my whole life should i stay that way? love ya ~Devon~

answer

its definitely ok to be single when you are 13. you have many years to get in trouble later on. when i was 13 i was into fireworks and skateboarding. girls were not even on my radar.

[navree]

Have you seen the theories that jace will support b&c theirs not point putting actual stock in fandom theories but it'd be a intresting way to give him a actual personality also out of all of rhaenyra's kids he's the most intresting choice to make into a asshole

I haven't seen it but to be entirely honest I'd be surprised if they do that. There has been a lot of effort put into trying to make Jace seem like this good, honorable, just king to be, a proto-Robb, a "oh isn't it so tragic that he never got to sit the Iron Throne" figure. It doesn't work because the writing is bad and doesn't work, but there's clearly an attempt. He's a protective older brother (allegedly), he's a defender of innocents to the point where even cousins he's never met before go to him for help (you know, so he can start a fight against someone who did nothing wrong and escalate it into violence and then be surprised when he and his dumbass little brother nearly killed someone due to their stupidity, at least Baela and Rhaena are allowed to be irrational due to grief, what's this moron's excuse for his actions on Driftmark?), he's studious and dutiful as seen in the way he's trying to learn High Valyrian (and still hasn't gotten it despite being a full adult by the standards of his time, those Strong genes gave him his hair but certainly not a brain), he's an honorable and kind person because he danced with Helaena that one time (as part of a pissing match with another dude and shows no care or concern for her and NO dumbass fans I'm sorry but Jace marrying Helaena wouldn't have solved anything she still would have ended up in danger and probably still suffered just as badly, just a bit later in life), he's a good leader because he came up with the idea to have the dragonriders fly to deliver Rhaenyra's terms to the realm (so am I allowed to say that he killed Lucerys? cuz I can say it if I'm feeling mean enough), he doesn't cheat on Baela with Sara Snow or even Cregan, he's all upsetti-spaghetti that his boring ass cardboard cut out of a brother got made a meal out of (can't imagine why considering that we saw one (1) single solitary scene together that wasn't even about them but about re-introducing Aemond and also Luke was such a nothing character that I remain impressed anyone feels anything about his absence). So him being on board with Blood and Cheese doesn't really fit into the characterization they've tried to give him and the version of him they're trying to impart on the audience.

What I'd honestly expect would potentially be the opposite. Rhaenyra, after some initial horror, likely trying to justify Blood and Cheese to herself, saying it's the cost of war, the Greens brought it on themselves, Daemon and Mysaria went rogue, the assassins clearly went off the rails so it's not really on her anyway, and Jace being the one firmly against it. Jace, who actually does know Alicent's kids better because they're of an age, Jace who remembers growing up with Helaena, Jace who used to hang out with and like Aegon, who looked to him for reassurance and guidance almost the way one might an older brother. And Jace is absolutely disgusted with what happened, and given that we saw some Looks he gave Daemon season 1, pushing very hard for Daemon to be brought to task for what he's wrought, only for Rhaenyra to say no (either due to legitimately not considering it a big enough deal or not wanting to turn her strongest military asset against her). And therein comes any rift, Jace doing his "honorable heir" thing and being appalled that nobody is seeing this for the crime that it is, and also completely unjustifiable considering how it has nothing to do with what happened to Luke anyway and coming into conflict over Rhaenyra essentially endorsing this and becoming complicit in her silence. I had an anon theorize about this a while back (like, November 2022 while back), but that could also create the opportunity for a wider rift with Rhaenyra in general, with Jace feeling like Rhaenyra's created a lot of problems that have had material consequences for him, like the loss of his boring ass brother, and trying to take her to task for it and this creating conflict (with an extra helping of Pain if they never resolve it before he gets punctured like a porcupine).

Now, do I think any of this is gonna happen the way I've lined out? Honestly no, after last week I do not trust these writers for shit and I do not believe that anything that comes out of this show is going to be good. There's a reason why it's Superman Summer for me and I'm gearing up to watch MAWS today rather than 2x02 (tho I will be on the lookout for grieving Aegon clips, I'm down for that). But I think my interpretation is a bit more likely than Jace being on board with Blood and Cheese.

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 305: Worst Intervention Ever

Previously on BnHA: Shinomori, whose name took me an entire week to memorize, was all, “nice to meet you Deku, I’m ten feet tall, do you want to know how I died?” and without waiting for an answer explained that he kicked it from old age at forty thanks to good ol’ OFA. Deku was all “wait a minute, then how come All Might, who’s fifty-five and is definitely dyeing his gray hair, is still alive?” First and Shino were all, “we really have no fucking clue but we think it’s cuz he’s quirkless, JUST LIKE YOU!” So basically, since quirkless people don’t exactly grow on trees these days, Deku is probably going to be the last user of OFA. The chapter ended with Nana being all, “psst, Deku, about my grandson. Uh, can you kill him?” which is sure to lead to a very interesting conversation this week.

Today on BnHA: Nana And The Gang are all “so, Deku, how can we put this delicately. The thing is, we’re pretty sure that AFO really fucked my grandson up, so on the off chance you can’t save him, how would you feel about, you know... [throat slitting gesture].” Deku is all “idk you guys, I kinda feel like he’s really just a traumatized child at heart and he’s in a lot of pain and stuff and so I should try to help him.” The Vestiges are all “BUT WHAT IF YOU CAN’T” and Deku is all “BUT I WANT TO TRY, DAMMIT” and the Vestiges are all “well when you put it that way, we, uh, were just testing you, so congrats, you passed!” The chapter ends with First being all, “ANYWAY SO WHY DON’T YOU TWO SHY BOYS STANDING OVER THERE IN THE SHADOWS COME SAY HELLO” before we CUT AWAY FOR ANOTHER WEEK, goddammit.

seriously, Nana

just... have you met Deku?? look, if you really want Tomura dead, just sic him on the U.A. first years and tell Shouto and Honenuki that it’s a training exercise

oh my god lmao

we’re too far away to see Nana’s face here so I will just assume that she turned and is staring DIRECTLY INTO THE CAMERA for this one line lmao. “I just wanted to clarify in case anyone felt inclined to take my dialogue out of context and spend an entire week complaining about it”

oh my god?! are you all purposely trying to make me sad??

someone stop me before I launch into an impromptu rant about all my Tomura feels. WHY IS NOBODY STOPPING ME. oh my god but yes, exactly. he’s just in pain all the time. this is exactly why I think Tomura has such high redemption potential even though so far he seems to lack so many of the redemption arc essentials such as feeling remorse, wanting to change, and taking responsibility for his actions. the reason why I’m willing to overlook all that in his case is because Tomura has essentially had zero agency his entire life. AFO molded him into a killer by making sure he was in constant mental agony, and making it so that the only thing that even slightly relieved that agony was killing peeps. like, please don’t think I’m making excuses for him or anything, but if you take a child and manipulate their existence to make it virtually impossible for that child to grow up as anything other than a killer, and basically never give him the chance to be anything else, then no shit he’s gonna be a killer?? he’s basically never had the choice not to be. it’s never been an option for him. anyways I feel like I am EXPLAINING MYSELF SO BADLY but nonetheless I am prepared to die on this hill

anyway so now Nana is all “that’s a rhetorical question btw because Our Hearts And Minds Are One so we can feel everything you feel bro.” so yeah, that’s interesting

now Banjou is getting started on the “let’s try and talk Deku out of wanting to save Tomura because it’s insane” part of their OFA Mystical Space Void Reunion agenda

look, Banjou, I feel you, I really do. you guys don’t think it’s realistic that Deku can defeat Tomura without killing him. so if it’s a choice between killing Tomura vs letting Deku and everyone else in the entire world die, then duh, you think Deku should kill him. I get it! and if this were a real life mass murderer I’d totally agree with you. but the problem is that this isn’t real life, this is a sympathetic shounen villain with a tragic past who might as well have FUTURE REDEMPTION ARC RECEIPIENT stamped on his forehead at this point

so First is all “look, there’s absolutely no doubt my brother has fucked this kid up good and proper by now”, which, again, fair

though, that’s kind of exactly my point though. everything that Tomura is, everything he’s done, he’s done because of AFO. AFO has so effectively shaped his personality and his worldview by this point that it’s all but impossible to penetrate that. he’s AFO’s puppet. but the problem is that rather than treating him like a victim, you all are treating him like a casualty. like he’s already a lost cause. but good luck trying to convince Deku of that

WHOA WHAT, RANDOM SUPER-IMPORTANT AND BIZARRELY UNRELATED EXPOSITION DROPPED IN JUST LIKE THAT??

way to still not reveal Sixth’s name, btw. THE PEOPLE WANT TO KNOW, DAMMIT. but also so this confirms something we basically already knew already, which is that not even AFO can steal OFA. it literally can’t be taken away by anyone unless the owner wills it. SO SUCK ON THAT AFO YOU EGG

(ETA: so I have no idea why this was omitted from this translation, but apparently the Sixth’s name was revealed as “En”, which is obviously not his full name but at least it’s something. also he most likely has a fire or smoke-related quirk based on the kanji used, 煙.)

so Banjou is saying that Deku’s “lack of an iron will” could be a disadvantage against AFO. hahaha what?? Midoriya “I’ll break all of my bones without blinking an eye just to protect someone” Izuku lacks an iron will? do tell

he says this is going to be a test of Deku’s determination. well yeah, no shit. but just not in the way you guys think

OH HELLO AGAIN

darker hair again here! but I don’t trust the contrast in these scans at all after last week. his coveralls are way darker than they looked before too, and you can clearly see he’s standing in the shadows now

(ETA: yep, once again the raw shows that his hair is considerably lighter than what’s shown in these scans here. although there’s no mistaking now that his hair is consistently being colored in this slightly darker shade, and it’s not just the lighting.)

anyways lol First was saying something about how AFO can’t steal OFA, and they’ve spent all this time cultivating it as the ultimate weapon against AFO, and blah blah blah. go on then, keep lecturing

NANA GODDAMMIT NONE OF THIS IS YOUR FAULT

girl what?? you did everything in your power to protect your family, and AFO, fucked up man that he is, targeted them anyway. there is one person and one person only to blame for what’s happened to Tomura, and that potato-faced asshole needs a good kick in the balls

NANA GODDAMMIT DON’T MAKE ME COME OVER THERE

SO HELP ME GOD!! I WILL GIVE YOU THE BIGGEST HUG YOU’VE EVER HAD!! THAT IS A THREAT

so now Nana is all “I’m just going to call my grandson a Thing to ensure that fandom has only the freshest, grass-fed no-hormones-added discourse this week”

I don’t even need to drop into the tags to know exactly which specific people are going to respond to this, and what kind of posts they are going to write lmao. everyone’s all caught up in the “that thing”, and meanwhile I’m over here completely hung up on this “nay” that’s appeared out of NOWHERE you guys. look at that. she really said “NAY”

Nana, my love, my dearest, I feel you girl I really do. but he’s not an unforgivable manifestation of pure evil, Deku is exactly right actually, he’s a boy in pain. you guys need to stop questioning Deku’s shounen protagonist instincts here and just let him work his sparkly magic. “let’s try and convince Midoriya Fucking Izuku that he can’t save someone” is a plan that is NEVER going to turn out well you guys

“DEKU GODDAMMIT WHAT IF WE CAN’T SAVE HIM” lmao it’s like an intervention

“DAMMIT DEKU JUST ADMIT YOU HAVE A SAVING PEOPLE PROBLEM!”

RED ALERT IT’S ANOTHER CLOSE-UP OF THE BACK OF MISTER TWO BON CLAY’S HEAD OMG

(ETA: I was too distracted with freaking out about Two and Three to really appreciate how ridiculously handsome First looks in this panel. but on my second readthrough it stood out so much that I had to go back and add an extra bullet point just to talk about how hot he is. look at him. wtf.)

THAT IS DEFINITELY AN UNDERCUT. THE PLOT THICKENSSSS. also those are fucking exhaust vents on Mister Three’s neck. MISTER THREE COULD YOU POSSIBLY BE RELATED TO THE IIDAS, PLEASE TELL ME YOUR SECRETS I’M DYING OVER HERE

so now Deku is launching into what will undoubtedly be a “saving people problems require SAVING PEOPLE SOLUTIONS” heroic counter-speech!

I mean, they can already feel the “lol nah I’m gonna try and save him” feelings running through him lol. ~OuR hEaRtS aNd MiNdS aRe CoNnEcTeD~ and all that. this is just a formality, but that doesn’t mean I don’t love a good shounen protag speech

oh wait hold up, do you mean to tell me that the whole “hearts and minds are connected” thing I was just mocking just a paragraph ago actually allowed Deku to feel what Tomura was feeling?? like literally feel it??

YET AGAIN these Tomura feels are pounding on my front door you guys?? they just will not quit?? people my house is already full of feels, does it look like I need you to sell me any more of them?? -- what do you mean, they’re free??

AW YISS THAT’S IT DEKU. THAT’S SOME GOOD SPEECH RIGHT THERE

I appreciate the contrast here between the Douchebag Triumvirate of Overhaul, Muscular, and Stain versus the Misguided Twosome of Gentle and La Brava. never let it be said that Deku doesn’t know the difference between a redeemable villain and an unredeemable one

OH NO -- OH MY GOD

someone please help me I need directions to the OFA Spooky Galactic Nebula Realm in this fictional Japanese manga land. it’s not on google maps. I need to give these two babies a big hug and wrap them up in a blanket and treat them to some McDonalds Happy Meals please help

other things: (1) ENDEAVOR CHILLING OUT IN DEKU’S “PEOPLE I HOLD DEAR” PANEL LMAO NEON DISCOURSE EXTRAVAGANZA, (2) “ONE FOR ALL IS A POWER TO SAVE, NOT TO KILL” I’M ABOUT TO CRY DEKU I LOVE YOU SO MUCH HOW IS IT EVEN POSSIBLE TO FEEL ALL THIS LOVE, (3) [SLAMS HANDS ON TABLE] THERE’S YOUR MOTHERFUCKING IRON WILL!!!!!!!! -- I’m sorry, please don’t call security, I’ll be good

I just randomly remembered that Deku is still saying all of this in his muffled “FMMPHHMMPHMM” voice and I’m somehow cracking up lol. so actually it’s a very good thing Their Hearts And Minds Are Connected, otherwise they’d no doubt be all, “...what?”

(ETA: so I completely missed this on account of it literally not being visible in the scan at all, but in the raw you can clearly see Baby Kacchan and Baby Shouto fanboying over All Might in two of these panels, and excuse me, ma’am??

thank you very much Deku for including them in your montage, particularly since you’ve never seen Baby Shouto before lol. amazingly accurate image you managed to conjure up, all things considered.)

SDKFJLSKHG -- AS IF ON CUE???

HE’S SO ADORABLE HELP?? Trippy Space All Might looks like he’s about to cry, and First is all “don’t crack a smile... you have to be Firm and Serious here... dammit, don’t smile” omg

anyways! YOU GO DEKU. “MY QUIRK MY RULES, BITCHES” damn, son

KLJLKKHLG TRIPPY SPACE ALL MIGHT LITERALLY ACTUALLY IS CRYING ALL MIGHT HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME

“I JUST... [CLENCHES FIST] REALLY LOVE SAVING PEOPLE” FUCKING HELL LMAO THIS IS THE WORST INTERVENTION OF ALL TIME

Deku is literally all “sure, maybe I’ll have to kill him, but have you guys also considered, MAYBE NOT??” it’s no use Nana he’s too powerful

LMAO FIRST

“like I’ve been saying this whole time, you should definitely try saving Shigaraki Tomura.” “but, uh... First, didn’t you just -- ” “shut up”

(ETA: clearly it’s not just his brother who inherited those smooth-talking genes.)

so now Deku has turned back into a sixteen year old and his clothes have gone missing again. just OFA things

dskljdlsklgk

yes... sure... “testing” you...

HEY

FIRST OF ALL, DAMN YOU HORIKOSHI YOU MADE NANA CRY. even if I’m pretty sure they’re actually tears of happiness/relief. and SECOND OF ALL, “TELL MY BOYFRIEND I SAID HI” DJSKDLKJJL ANYWAY MAYBE GRAN, NANA, AND MR. SHIMURA WERE IN A THROUPLE

[SCREAMS]

WHY WOULD YOU END IT THERE?? WHY WOULD YOU END IT THERE!!!!!

(ETA: and two-to-one odds that we cut away to some other scene once they finally start to turn around next week. I’M CALLING IT NOW. giving myself a week to brace myself for the rage.)

fucking hell. well if anyone needs me I will be adding Horikoshi fucking Kouhei to the list of irredeemable villains, peace

[dylanobrienisbatman]

The main problem with the whole mal vs the darkling thing in regards to being possessive (or really when it comes to any of their traits) is the fact that throughout, the darkling is clearly framed as the villain and his actions reflect that, whereas Mal as supposed to be the good guy and best romantic partner for Alina, and yet he has all these awful character traits and tendencies. So its less about how awful the Bad Guy is (since he's supposed to be), and more about how awful the person that we're supposed to believe is the best option for Alina is. I don't ship either, just my two cents.

Okay well... two things. First, your comment about "its less about how awful the bad guy is, since he's supposed to be", takes every comment I've made about Darkles out of context, which seems fitting since everything Darklina's spout about Mal is out of context. Him being the Bad Guy is fine, and if you like him AS A VILLAIN, and acknowledge all the bad shit he does, then my posts aren't for you. I think he's a very interesting villain, and a lot of the terrible shit he does that I have to keep making posts about make him a good villain, the problem is when the terrible shit the "Bad Guy" does is romanticized and viewed as the reasons why Alina SHOULD have picked him. So, don't assume everyone gets that "hes supposed to be awful". The point my post was making is that Darklina's love to call Mal possessive, but then turn around and act like Darkles literally enslaving her in somehow sexy and romantic. It's fucking not, and it's transparent as hell that y'all romanticize and sexualize the actually possessive character, and then project false character traits onto Mal. It's so transparent, it's almost funny.

But, more importantly, to your second, very wrong point, I wonder how much of the narrative about Mal having "awful character traits and tendencies" is actually a commentary on Mal as a character, or is it just Darklina's lying about things Mal has done and everyone accepting that misinterpretation as canon. Because, if were making a list...

Fuck boy - False! Mal was not a fuck boy! He was an attractive teenager who hooked up with consenting girls his age when he could, and he was not in a relationship during that time. Alina had never told him how she felt, so he is not beholden to her. (Also, nobody seems to have an issue with the fact that Darkles hooked up with Zoya in the show, that doesn't make HIM a fuckboy... interesting) (also also, nobody seems to discuss Darkles literally sexually assaulting Alina, and lying and manipulating her to get her to be physically intimate with him so he can use her... double interesting).

Slut Shames Alina - FALSE! The ever favourite callout line from Darklina's "He's all over you" isn't him slut shaming her. First, he has no idea what their relationship is like at that point, but more importantly, he is making an observation of her status in the little palace and how she has become his tool. He has dressed her up in his colors, made her put on a show for his benefit, and has created a situation where Alina appears to be his. Mal is noting that after months of searching for her, believing she was being hurt, tortured, or worse, when he arrives to save her, she looks like the Darkling's pet. (and, even if he WAS angry because he perceived them to be romantically involved, boy just spent months fighting for his life, lost multiple friends, and almost died to find her, all while coming to the realisation that he was in love with her, and then he shows up, after not hearing from her for months... I'd be pissed as hell too.) Important Note: He even acknowledges that what he said was wrong and tries to apologise, before Alina tells him that he was right. (Shadow and Bone, pg. 286). He also then apologizes, completely unprompted, for what he said. (Shadow and Bone, pg. 297).

Fat Shames Alina - False! This one is particularly laughable to me, because its one of the Darklina arguments that falls apart the second you actually read the scene. They are running for their lives in the forest, and Mal has to hunt and gather to feed them. He is noting that Alina's appetite has increased since he last saw her, and he makes a joke (ya know, how you do with friends) about how it would be easier to keep her fed if she still had her more meager appetite from before. He makes no comment on her weight, or her size, and he is not actually commenting on her appetite in a negative way, he is just acknowledging that it's a lot more work for him now that she eats more. Right before he says the line, the quote even proves that he isn't shaming her or thinking badly of her: "With a bemused expression, he watched as I gobbled down my portion and then sighed, still hungry". He is noting a change in her, and complaining that its made more work for him. If you think thats the same as fat shaming, well... thats a you problem.

Hates Alina's Powers - FALSE!!!! How to begin... do we talk about it was Mal's idea to hunt the stag in S&B, because he knew she needed it to be more powerful so she could stop the darkling? Do we talk about how he vowed to find the firebird for her, even though he was terrified of what all that power would do to her? Do we talk about how he literally died so she could achieve the power she needed to save the world? Or maybe we could talk about how he believed in her power more than anyone else, like when everyone was making bets about her abilities with the Cut and he knew she'd go further and better than anyone else expected her too, or when he tells her that he was never afraid of her powers, only what seeking all that power would do to her (which is literally the theme of the books, that power corrupts and seeking unmatched power can destroy you)? Mal being afraid of what is going to happen to Alina, being protective of her and worrying over her, is not the same as him hating her powers. He exists to help remind Alina of the themes of the story, and to guide her into maintaining her humanity.

Abusive - ... Do I even need to explain this one? Must I deign an explanation as to why this favourite Darklina lie is so fucking stupid, and also totally hypocrisy? No? Because we all know Darkles is actually the abusive one and they're trying to project their own shit onto Mal to further their abuse apologist agenda? Cool. Moving on.

Possessive of Alina - False! Throughout the entire series, Mal is quite literally the opposite of possessive, but yall just cant read. Not only does he quite literally step out of the way and allow Nikolai to court Alina without argument, which is the most direct example of him not being possessive, he also spends two full books believing, and repeatedly saying over and over and over, that they can't be together because he is not good enough for her. Mal believes, fully, that Alina deserves more than him, better than him, because he's just a tracker and a soldier, just a regular man with nothing to offer her but his love and his protection, and she is a Saint and should be a Queen. Possessiveness is the wish to own and control someone, it is literally the opposite of Mal believing that he's not good enough and doing everything he can to ensure that Alina achieves everything and gets everything he believes she is owed. A possessive character would not tell her to tell him to leave because he has nothing he can offer her, no title or land or country or crown. A possessive character would not promise to be the blade in her hand, because he believed he had nothing but the blood he could spill to offer her.

Angry - True! Yeah, omg, you caught us, Mal is ANGRY! Heaven forbid a teenager who is traumatized beyond belief and has to give up everything in his life, his position in the military (he deserted for her), his friends and the job he loved (Mikhail and Dubrov died for him, and he can't be a tracker in the army... because he deserted... for Alina), and, most importantly, he has to give up Alina (she should be Queen, he believes, and he has to give up the future he imagined with the girl he loves, who he was pretty sure loved him back, because she's a saint and queen and he's just a man), and more, is ANGRY. He has to be the one to find the amplifiers that he knows will end up hurting her, because thats what she needs to save the world. He has to sit by while Nikolai treats him like the dirt on his shoe and tries to woo Alina for his own personal gain (because Nikoalai did not love Alina. Maybe he came to care for her, but he proposed and spent all of S&S trying to get her to marry him when it was obvious they were not in love. He straight up says its so that the next King of Ravka can be married to the Sun Summoner. It's a power grab.) and he can't do anything about it. So yeah, Mal is angry. And yeah, sometimes he's even angry at Alina, just like sometimes she's angry at him. But they always find their way back, always apologize and try to be better for each other, and if you think anger is a toxic trait, and not simply a natural human emotion, might I suggest touching some fucking grass?

Idk why you thought I'd stand for Mal slander on my blog, cuz I will not. So, I'm gonna stop there, because I have shit to do today, but I really do wonder how much of Mal's 'toxic' or 'terrible' traits, that make him such a 'bad' love interest for Alina, really comes from Darklina's who refuse to actually read the text critically at all, and instead take everything he does and says out of context to further their agenda that Alina should have ended up as the Darkling's fucking slave forever, because thats the "girl power feminist" ending somehow. Mal supports her, loves her, sacrifices for her at every turn, and does everything he can do, to the point of literally dying for her, to ensure that she can defeat Darkles and save the world. He protects her, and when they end up happy and safe together on the orphange that they've rebuilt to help the children that were victims of Darkles war and genocide, he spends his days bringing her tea and cakes and flowers, kissing her silly under the stairs in the view of all the teachers, and calling her names like beauty, beloved, cherished, my heart for the rest of their ordinary life together, if love can ever be called that.

[uncloseted]

how do I make someone respect my boundaries? my stepfather teases me all the time and he complains about everything i do, and he does it mostly to be annoying and won't stop even if i say clearly i don't like it. him and my mom have no consideration of me nor my time, they don't respect when i say i don't like something and when i try to call them out on something they say im ignorant and rude, please what do i do? is so frustrating it makes me feel emotional cuz is like they're disregarding my feelings it feels really condensing of them and idk how to change that

The thing about people is that, as much as we want to, we can't really make them do anything. We can only let them know what we're comfortable with and what we're not; what they do is up to them. So setting boundaries is really for ourselves more than it is for other people. Boundaries aren't rules other people have to follow when they're around us; they're terms that we set for ourselves about how we'll allow other people to interact with us. Setting boundaries can include things like telling someone when they've done something that makes you uncomfortable, learning to say no, being honest and transparent about how you're feeling, and removing yourself from situations that make you uncomfortable. It doesn't look like giving a person a set of rules that they have to follow when they're around you.

However, the fact that boundaries are for the person setting them can be difficult, especially in situations where there's an uneven power balance. Setting boundaries with parents can be especially hard when you're a minor since they're in control of a lot of aspects of your life. That said, most of the time it can be done, but unfortunately, you're probably going to need to be the mature one in this situation.

I would start by talking to your mom about the situation. Do it at a time where nobody is emotional- so not right after your stepfather has said something you don't like, not when either of you are tired, hungry, or upset, not when you mom has had a long day at work, etc. Maybe let her know that you appreciate that your stepfather is trying to connect with you by teasing you, but that you don't like it when he teases you and that you feel like your boundaries aren't being respected. It's a good idea to acknowledge the intention of the action and to demonstrate appreciation for what her and your stepfather do, so acknowledging that your stepfather is probably trying to connect with you through his teasing or that his criticisms are trying to help you improve the way you do things can go a long way in making your mom feel comfortable with the conversation. Try to keep things positive even though this is a difficult conversation to have.

Be clear and concise about what the issue is and why it hurts you without assigning blame to her or to your stepfather. Identify how the behavior makes you feel, and don't apologize for the way that you're feeling. Try to be compassionate to the position your mom is in, since she's mediating between you and your stepfather. If you can, suggest an alternative- "I know he's trying to bond with me, but maybe we could do it a different way. I know he really likes [insert activity here]. Maybe I could do that with him sometime?"

If this discussion goes well, your mom might help you to set boundaries with your stepfather as well. If not, you might need to have this same type of conversation with him. Once you've had that initial conversation, you may have to repeat yourself as he gets used to treating you differently. Any time he starts teasing you, remind him that you appreciate that he's trying to connect with you, but when he teases you, you feel uncomfortable. This demonstrates that you're sticking to the boundaries that you've set and that they're important to you. If you can, exit the situation when it becomes too much or when the boundaries have been crossed.

If setting and maintaining these boundaries isn't working after a few months, you may be stuck. If you can, this is the point where it would be helpful to bring in a therapist or counselor, but that can be difficult to suggest when you're still a minor. Until you're an adult, you may have to physically remove yourself from the situation (such as by spending more time at a friend's house, at school, at the library, etc) or find ways to cope on your own.

[fandomgodmother420]

Okay so I saw

This post ^^

And I was like

Wait wait wait okay okay hang on wait a damn minute-

Because this is cursed rite we all know this is cursed but somethin about it got me thinkin it got me thinking quite a lot and it’s the idea of Callahans character being deaf and like obviously the way it’s done here is bad but it got me thinking okay well what if you did it well? What if it wasn’t garbage? What if it became a super important part of the show?

I think I have a new favorite au now?

Okay listen listen let me explain right-Callahan would still be a side character to the side characters but first things first he’d talk using sign language and literally the first thing that he signs when people try and talk to him is that he’s deaf. He also wouldn’t be able to understand people who talk to him, they’d have to either sign, write something down, or be super expressive. (Ik a lot of deaf people read lips but I feel like in media with deaf people almost all the time they like fully rely on lip reading and their almost superhumanly good at it and idk I think it would be cool for a deaf character to just not lip read-hardly ever) so now the fact that he’s deaf isn’t just something that you can drop in interviews for brownie points. Still, he’s hardly ever there and he’s not really a part of the story and that’s just kind of annoying and for a while it seems like that’s just how it’s gonna be, just one background background deaf character who’s pretty cool but who we almost never get to see...

But the explosions that went off during the pogtopia manburg war where pretty fuckin loud

And Quackity was right on top of them. He might’ve lost a cannon life to them-it’s kinda up for debate but for the purpose of the au we’re gonna say he did, because losing a cannon life affects your body. Your body changes to suit how you died-you get scars from losing a cannon life.

Here’s where it gets good

One of the next episodes post war is 100% Quackity focused and he wakes up in a bed and he’s like welp lets just hope I’m not as bad off as Tubbo was. There’s no rustling noise when he moves the sheets and blankets to look at himself, at this point the viewer might realize there’s no music in the background either, there’s no ambient noises from outside. Quackity sees he doesn’t have visible scaring anywhere and he’s like that’s weird but good for me? I guess? He walks outside and his footsteps don’t make any noise. Tubbo runs up to him and starts talking-except he’s not making any noise either. His mouth is moving but there’s no sound coming out of it. Both quackity and the viewer are currently experiencing what’s going on in 100% silence and Quackity starts to panic. A scar would’ve been fine, a limb he can live without, but this??? He can’t hear! He can’t hear anything! Fuck is he supposed to do now?

He runs to Sapnap and Karl, they’re not dating yet but they make him feel safe and he doesn’t know where else to go or what to do and Sapnaps like “I know a guy” but neither the audience nor Quackity hears him say it. His mouth moves but again, no sound. Nothing. Still he makes it clear that he has an idea and that he’ll be right back. Mans fuckin books it to Callahan and after a bit of frantic gestures and sloppy sign language because ya know of course Sapnap did try to learn sign to talk to Callahan at some point he just doesn’t practice nearly enough, Callahan comes over to Quackity and starts teaching him and Karl ASL and gives Sapnap a much needed review course.

That’s it. That’s the episode. An entire episode that’s 100% silent with no subtitles, that’s just Quackity learning how to function without being able to hear. In the places where Callahan can’t help Sapnap and Karl come in. Tubbo gets in on it too since he’s deaf in one ear ever since the festival. (Quackitys like damn cheif I didn’t even kno that and Tubbo admits to thinking it was just him being in shock for a long time until a bee flew around his ear for 20 minutes straight a week after the festival had happened and he didn’t know it was there until Tommy asked if he was gonna name it.) Quackity learns how to talk when he can’t hear himself speaking, how to read lips, what music is like when you can’t hear it, how to speak sign language, all that jazz.

One of the things about being deaf that scares the shit out of Quackity is not being able to hear people sneaking up on him and Tubbos like “oh you need a spotter” and Quackity makes it clear that he has no idea what the fuck that means. So Tubbo explains “a spotter, I don’t know if they actually have a different name but I call them that cuz they cover your blind spot. They’re like your eyes and ears where you don’t have any. That way nobody can sneak up on you.” If the audience is particularly observant they’ll realize that ever since the festival Tommy has always stood on Tubbos right, witch is where Tubbo had gotten scarred. (Later on after Tommy’s exiled Quackity and sometimes Fundy become the ones to cover Tubbos right, but Tubbo is more clearly on constant high alert than he used to be. On a few days like the one before the capturing techno and the one before the second festival he’s straight up jumpy and he hates it) So Quackity of course has a lot of questions is this is pretty important. “well how do I know who I should get to be my spotter? Do they need like training or something? Should I just get a service dog? ???” And Tubbos like “No. Well-maybe that’s the proper way to do it but I’d just go with someone I trust my life with-whoever makes you feel safest, go with that” and Sapnap and Karl start laughing like idiots because Quackity IMMEDIATELY grabs them-like Tubbos barley finished his sentence and Quackitys like ah yes

The hardest part is preserving Quackitys ability to speak Spanish, because he’s the only one who knows it so Karl Sapnap and Tubbo can’t tell him weather he’s pronouncing it right or not and none of them know Spanish sign language. Hell Karl and Tubbo didn’t even know Spanish sign language existed until that day. After a bit of panicking Sapnap is like “wait I know a guy” and Quackity can actually tell what he’s saying this time. (Woo parallels) So sapnap and Co. go to George who’s king now and has access to all of Erets king stuff. Turns out Erets castle has a whole shelf of translation guides for different languages and their sign language counterparts. She kept them for diplomacy reasons. It’s much harder to learn without Callahan teaching it, but progress is made and the gang decides they’ll keep working on learning it together. There’s still the problem of Quackity not being able to speak Spanish though, they end up going with does Quackity sound like how he normally does rn? for figuring out if he’s pronouncing things right. Karl and Sapnap are surprisingly good at being able to tell.

But here’s the best part rite:

So after this episode Quackity, Karl, Sapnap, Tubbo, and obvs Callahan all know sign language-they don’t all know it perfectly nobody’s gonna master it in a day but they’re working on it. And so now in later episodes in addition to the gang talking in sign language a lot when they’re the focus of a scene, you can make them talk to eachother in sign language while other stuff is going on!! No subtitles to translate or draw attention to it, some people might not even notice its happening, but if you watch them you can see them signing to eachother. You could add so many convos and lore and secrets and the best part is if the audience wants in on it they also have to learn sign language!!

Literally just-oh my god it would be the coolest thing okay like immagine:

Ranboos doing his dramatic speech to everyone. Y’all know the one-the one before doomsday after Tommy gets out of exhile. So like Ranboos doing his bit and Fundy and Nikki are arguing with him and :0! what’s this? Look in the background and Tubbo and Quackity are signing to eachother, Quackitys angry and Tubbo is somehow angrier and you watch them more closely to see what the hell is going on and realize (with your sign language knowledge)-they’re fighting about executing Ranboo.

LIKE HOW FUCKING COOL WOULD THAT BE HOLY SHIT

Anyways I have so many headcannons for this now I think it’s the coolest thing if there’s like a tag? Or something? For this thatd be so fuckin cool if there isn’t I feel like I should make one but idk what to call it ion know man I just think this is poggers as hell. To think it all sprung from someone making a DreamSMP as a garbage riverdale show joke

[futurewriter2000]

Berry Bubblegum

A/N: This took me so long. Like oh my. Haven’t written this long since....since a long time ago but I’m glad I finished and I hope you like it. All the love. 

REQUESTED by @play-morezeppelin​ : Hi! Can i request a Fred x Slytherin reader fic/ one shot where she has to tutor him and he’s kicked off the Quidditch team until he get his grades up. He, and the gryffindor team resent her for this and tease her a lot when she’s actually really nice. She kind of helps Malfoy w family issues and they think that they’re friends, and she has a really hard time but ignores them. Eventually Fred realises how nice she is and kinda falls for her but the team still don’t aprove, or something.

XX

You didn’t know why you were in McGonagall’s office. You haven’t done anything troubling and your grades were stable, you’ve been a good student since your First year, not known as problematic, rather just a good normal student out of the center of attention. You were a normal student- a normal scholar just wanting to graduate.

So why were you in the office of Gryffindor’s head of the house? And what was the redhead doing here?

You looked at him with puzzled innocent eyes and he shot you a glare, looking you from head to toe before scoffing to himself, crossing his arms and smirking.

You felt heat reach your cheeks as fast as anxiety and discomfort knotted your stomach. You sat down on the chair next to him and watched the professor start the conversation.

It was quiet and awkward. The professor kept glancing between the two of you, smiling to herself and lightly shaking her head.

“Have a biscuit, Miss (y/l/n).” she offered and you smiled shyly.

“No, thank you, professor.” you declined her offer as the redhead reached for one.

“Don’t mind if I do.” he grinned as the professor narrowed her eyes at him, then softening it and looking at you.

“You shouldn’t worry, Miss (y/l/n). I can reassure you haven’t done anything wrong to be here.” she sent you another smile and you felt your whole body relax in one swift moment. “Mr. Weasley already knows why he is here.” she started, tangling her fingers together and giving you both a tight-lipped smile. “He has been neglecting his school duties as a student and been solely focused on his selfish needs.” she shot him a glare and he smiled nervously at her stern look. “He needs a tutor.” he then looked at you, softening her expression.

You let yourself ponder for a while before realizing what she has been trying to say. You let your eyes spread wide before you started to talk in a stuttering manner. “You- you don’t mean me, professor? Do you?”

“Well, why do you think you’re here?” she let out a small laugh.

“B- but don’t you think a Gryffindor should tutor a Gryffindor- and I’m a Slytherin.” you kept looking at her, feeling quite uncomfortable from her proposition.

“That’s what I’ve been telling her all along.” said the boy next to you.

“You are excelling in classes Mr. Weasley does not.” she started to explain. “And he is strangely surpassing in Charms, where you, Miss (y/l/n), find that class quite difficult to master.” she stood up and started pacing up and down. “I have talked to the Headmaster, explaining Mr. Weasley’s situation and he proposed to assign you personally.”

“Personally?” you blurted out, not believing this yourself.

“Professor Dumbledore takes interest in all of his students, Miss (y/l/n), and you had certainly grabbed his attention somehow.”

“I did?” you continued to be surprised, a prideful smile appearing on your lips.

“We noticed you have been helping a lot of students with tutoring them, especially your own house and some of the Hufflepuff students as well. I would love for you to tutor Mr. Weasley and help him raise his grades so he can as soon as possible regain his Quidditch privileges and go back on the field and as for you...” she sat back behind her desk. “Well, you might get an outstanding recommendation letter.”

You kept looking at her with wide eyes, blinking a few times. A recommendation letter?! You could get anywhere you want with an outstanding recommendation letter.

The redhead scoffed as he saw your expression, clearly petty about the situation he has gotten himself into. “Don’t let your brain fall out.” he couldn’t help himself.

“Weasley, detention.”

“For what?!”

“For being rude to your new tutor.”

“I don’t want her as a tutor.”

“Well, that is not your choice to get. You want to get back on the field, you do as I say or your parents will expect a call from me.” she struck with her voice, and the redhead sunk in his chair and started sulking.

“I propose you start right away or as soon as possible. The school year is close to an end and the Quidditch cup match is coming faster than you think.” she pulled out a wand, waved and the door behind the two of you opened.

The two of you walked out of the office and after a second or two of uncomfortable silence, you decided to speak up. “I’m free tomorrow after 11 am. My classes are cut short and we can start around noon.” you said but he kept walking forward, ignoring you. “Hello?!” you started to get furious, grabbing his arm and pulling him back.

He turned to you and forced a smile. “Sounds good.” he ripped his hand away and left.

---

You should have known he was lying. Hell, you did know but like always you try to give a person the benefit of doubt.

You saw him standing and laughing with his twin, clearly guilt-free that he left you waiting an hour in the library. You stormed over to him, grabbing his arm yet again and pulling him with you. You basically threw him in the corner. “I WAITED AN HOUR FOR YOU!!” you snapped and his eyes went wide... as well as his lips.

“That was today?” he coaxed, leaning on the wall and grinning at you.

“Yes! That was today and you bloody well know it!”

“No need to get hasty now, darling. We’ll meet tomorrow.” he tried to walk away but you grabbed his arm and threw him back.

“I don’t know who you think you are but we ARE going to the library, RIGHT NOW!”

“If you want to spend time with me, darling, you could ask me on a date.” he wiggled his eyebrows.

“Stop calling me darling and stop joking around! We need to get your grades up!”

“I’ll manage that on my own. Besides, I’m planning on-”

“Now you listen to me!” you backed him against the wall, looking up at the tall boy and pointing your finger at him. “I will not throw away my future and hard work because some selfish and prideful arse decides to be lazy!” you snapped as you saw his eyes watch you in amusement.

You could see he was a bit intimidated but you were also smart enough to realize that aggression won’t lead you anywhere with him. He’s just feeding on your frustration, especially since you’re a Slytherin.

You stepped back and looked away. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have yelled at you like that but I did mean what I said, Fred Weasley.” you looked up at him and crossed your arms. “I can see you don’t want me to be your tutor, so if you do not want us to work together to finish this school year, you don’t have to. I’ll find someone who will help me with Charms willingly.” you started walking away before stopping and looking over your shoulder. “And you should tell professor McGonagall cuz I won’t.”

---

You haven’t really much thought of your “agreement” since that day but you surely hoped your recommendation letter wouldn’t be thrown away because of one careless Gryffindor.

“So I’ve been thinking.” you heard someone beside you and you already knew who it was, due to his steady walk.

“You can do that?” you snarked and he laughed.

“Yes, fortunately, this brain can do a lot of normal things.”

“Doubt it.” you kept blurting out. Guess, you really weren’t over the whole recommendation letter. “Couldn’t tell her, could you?”

“No.” he denied, acting slightly offended. “I will help you help me get my grades up. I need to get back on the Quidditch team.”

You stopped and turned to him. “Alright then. Library in an hour.”

“Right now?!”

“We can do it right now too.” you said and started walking to the library. Before he could object, you cut in first. “Don’t make me wait again!”

“Just give me an hour to eat and get my stuff!”

You stopped and turned around, seeing him in the far distance. “Fine! But if you’re late I’ll murder you.”

“Charming!”

---

You left for the dungeons and find a few Slytherins waiting for you, specifically you.

His eyes were formed into a glare, his arms crossed and his thin mouth curved in a frown. “You hanging out with that Weasel now?” he spat out and you rolled your eyes, tilting your head to the side and asking him to talk alone.

He kept his facial expression the same; betrayed.

“I’m only helping him raise his grades up because McGonagall told me if I tutor him, the professors and Dumbledore will write me a recommendation letter.”

“I can just ask my father to-”

“I don’t want you to ask your father, Draco.” you gave him a soft smile. “I’ve been working so hard to get to this point. If I do this, all that hard work will be paid off. I will make it on my own, without anybody’s help.”

He kept watching you with a helpless look in his eyes. “I just want to repay you, I guess.”

“For what?” you smiled.

“For being there when nobody else would.”

“I know uncle, Draco. He’s not as bad as you make him out to be. He’s just dominated by fear and wants to make it safe for you.”

“Doubt it.” he scoffed, looking away. “You don’t live with him.”

“Well, he was babysitting us when mum and dad were working, so I basically grew up with the two of you. He practically raised me.”

“He loves you more than me.”

“You know that isn’t true.”

“He always looked up to your mum as his older sister. You remind him of her and he always compares me to you.”

“But you’re excelling in all your classes unlike me.”

“Not in the son department.”

“Can you stop?” you smiled and pulled him in a hug but he quickly pulled away.

“Don’t hug me in front of everybody.” he hissed and you laughed, ruffling his hair.

“As I remember my little cousin loves hugs.”

He kept slicking his hair back, shrugging. “In private....” he whispered and you laughed.

“I have to go but I’ll talk to you soon. We’ll talk about this.”

---

You were sitting in the library, listening to your walkman, and singing quietly to the song. You hummed along, tapping your pencil against the desk as your eyes were glued to the book in front.

You pretty much didn’t know what you were looking at since all you could focus solely on the music. What you also did not realize was the redhead and practically his whole Quidditch team laughing and walking towards you. Fred saw you from the distance, chewing a piece of pink bubble gum and making large balloons from it. You weren’t in a school uniform as he was, rather in a grey Slytherin hoodie that looked a bit oversized on you, black sweatpants which were tucked in long white socks at the bottom. Your hair was a bit frizzy and falling out of your bun. It was extremely a 70′s style. You loved dressing like the past decade. You always thought the 70s was the best decade to live in as a teenager. You saw your parent’s photos and you always heard amazing stories from them. It was the decade where everybody was accepted and you especially loved the socks. They were colourful and unique. You couldn’t understand how could something as the 70s get out of style so fast. 

“She really tried to impress you.” one of the girls said beside Fred and you looked up immediately.

“Do you see her socks?” said the other and without any regards to them, you answered.

“You know I can hear you?” you said and looked up at them, pulling down your headphones and turning off the music. “Do you need hand-holding everywhere you go, Red?” you asked the boy in front and he grinned, sitting next to you.

“Pretty much.” he pulled out his books and quills as the others sat a few seats down. “Will you hold my hand?” he teased and you rolled your eyes.

“You won’t concentrate with them here.”

“They won’t bother me.”

“Well, they’ll bother me.”

“You’re Malfoy’s cousin, aren’t you?” you heard a shout from the others, looking their way and seeing smug smiles on their self-satisfied faces.  “What’s it like being related to one of the biggest assholes in Hogwarts?”

“Wouldn’t know. Maybe ask your brother. He would surely know an answer for you, McCay.” you snarked back and could see him glaring.

“You really are a smart mouth, aren’t you?”

“Is that a compliment?”

“Or just mouth apparently.” McCay jested and the others started laughing.

You felt tightness in your throat but you swallowed it and lifted your head. “If you came here to make fun of me, you can-”

“Not just you, your style as well. Apparently, you’re still living in the 70′s with those horrendous socks.” he continued but you didn’t let him get to you.

Instead, you put your feet on the table and crossed them, smirking at him. “You’re just jealous I have socks. Heard your dad got fired for stealing from the office.”

McCay’s face burned red from anger and he stood up, trying to make his way to you. Fred stood up and prevented him from coming closer. “Walk it off, McCay.” he glared.

“You’re taking her side!?”

“I’m not taking any sides but I think you should leave before the two of you kill each other.”

You were pleased with how this ended. You pissed off McCay and you stood your ground. It was closest to triumph, especially since you and McCay loathed each other. His parents and yours were always at each other’s throats and nothing was different between the two of you.

When they left, Fred sat back down and looked at your smug face. “You don’t have to be cruel, you know?”

“I’m not letting anybody talk down on my family or myself.” you put your feet down and sat normally in your seat. “I know Gryffindor is all about loyalty but even you are smart enough to know the McCay's are thieves and manipulators.” you kept looking at him as he did the same. You could see the conflict in his eyes but he didn’t let it take over.

“McCay’s a friend. I’ll always vouch for him.”

“Your life.” you shrugged and opened the books. “Let’s start.”

---

Your tutoring lessons have been going on for weeks now and you have waited for Red to tell you about news from his exams. You’ve been so anxious when he was taking his O.W.L.’s, more anxious than you were for your own.

Fred, on the other hand, had helped you with Charms and he himself was thinking about your Charms final exam when he was taking his own Arithmancy exam. It painted a smile on his face as he saw the first question.

‘ He kept looking at the book and then slowly made eye contact with you. His brain was burnt out, his whole body exhausted and his face pitiful. He didn’t understand.

You smiled at his puppy-dog eyes that were pleading you with nothing more but a break or the end of this torture. “Come on, just this one more question-”

“This is not a question it’s a whole algorithm of stupid numbers that don’t even exist!” he threw the pencil on the book and threw his head back. He pressed his palms over his eyes and groaned. “We’ve been at this for three hours and I can’t do these numbers anymore.” he ran his hands down his face, looking up. “Why did I even take Arithmancy?” he asked himself as you laughed, took his arm and pulled him forward. He didn’t want to cooperate, so he just fell flat on the books. “I’m taking a nap.”

“You’re not taking a nap.” you shook him by his broad shoulders but he didn’t budge, only nuzzled closer in his arms.  You walked around him, grabbed his head, and forced it up. It immediately fell back down. “You’re going to finish this stupid algorithm and when you do this will all be over and I’ll take you for ice cream.”

His head shot up, the back of it hitting your chin and letting you fall backward. “Ice cream?!” he turned to you and found you laying on the floor. “Oh, shite.” he laughed and stood up to help you get up. “You alright?”

“You have one hard skull for someone whose head is quite empty.” you teased, rubbing your chin as he let out a laugh.

“Who says it’s not filled with hay?”

“I don’t think hay would help.” you kept rubbing your chin as you sat down. He sat down as well, noticing your pink socks with white stars.

“Seriously, what’s with you and kooky socks?” he lifted an eyebrow.

“Don’t judge.” you put one foot on the table and pulled your sock up. “My nana bought them for Christmas.”

“And you actually wear them?”

“And you actually wear the grotesque jumpers your mum makes you for Christmas?”

“They are quite comfortable if you must know.” he pressed his lower lip out and crossed his arms. “Plus, people don’t mix us up when George and I wear those jumpers. It a good holiday.”

“How can they not separate the two of you?”

“Oh, and you can?!” he scoffed.

“Of course, I can.” you scoffed back, mimicking his position.

“Oh, yeah? How?”

“Well, it’s easy. You’re more annoying looking.” you teased and he gasped, touching his heart in the act of hurt. “Plus his walk is clumsier than yours. I can spot you a mile away with your pompous smirk and your puffed-out chest.”

“So, you’re stalking me.” he leaned forward, wiggling his eyebrows.

“No. Your ego is so big, it’s hard to miss you.”

“So you think I’m pretty.” he kept avoiding you, getting closer to you.

The two of you were now only an inch apart, watching each other with a dreamboat gaze, holding it, and not breaking away. You could see the green in his eyes despite the fact they always looked brown to you. He had a black line outlining the colour and a few yellow spots all around the iris. He watched you back, noticing your pupil stretching, then contracting very slowly before stretching again quite fast. He felt a sudden pleasure in his body just by looking into your eyes and his mind traveled far into the clouds, imagining just what would it be like kissing those rosy lips that smelled like berry bubblegum.

When the door of the library opened, letting out a creak both of you broke the gaze and looked at the door. It was just a group of Ravenclaws and as they saw both of you at the table, one of them lifted their hand and waved at you. You waved back at the Ravenclaw and smiled at him.

You used to tutor him as well but you never told anybody because you promised you wouldn’t.

Fred was glaring at the boy who left as soon as he came. He didn’t like someone else having your attention. Not after he had it so close to himself not a while ago. He felt an uncomfortable feeling bubble in his stomach but he buried it inside, just as the greedy thoughts of you that kept roaming his mind.

“You okay?” you touched his arm gently as you saw him drift away.

He looked at your hand touching his bare arm, feeling a warm feeling spread from his arm to the rest of his body. He looked up at you, seeing he had your attention and not the Ravenclaw before. He smiled and nodded. “Let’s go finish this.” ‘

He didn’t know why was he so flustered just by thinking of you but he can remember that after two weeks of tutoring, he has grown to realize you are not as half as bad as he thought you would be.

There was one thing that couldn’t get to his head.

You made him laugh.

He was so used to making other people laugh but when the two of you went to sneak into the kitchen for some ice cream and eat all the stress away, you made him laugh all the time. It wasn’t rude or cruel jokes but you were just funny- simple as that. You told the funniest stories and the two of you kept creating inside jokes, causing him to realize that you might even be funnier than him.

And besides all of the fun and the jokes, you could hit a serious subject and talk about it for the longest time.

Or he would start teasing and flirting with you but it would always be him ending with a blush, rarely you.

“Everything alright, Mr. Weasley?” the professor asked as he saw Fred not even write his name on the paper.

Fred looked up with a smile and nodded. “Everything is just fine.” he answered before starting to write down the answers.

---

The two of you haven’t talked much since the exams were over. You didn’t hear from Fred at all since he seemed to be always busy with Quidditch practices.

It was an agreement. You help him get his grades up, he helps you with Charms and you get a great recommendation letter after graduation. It was as simple as that. Then both of you leave on your separate ways.

But deep inside it hurt you to know that you didn’t want him and you go on your own separate ways...

You were completely lost in your thoughts when Fred passed by in his Quidditch uniform. He forgot his knee pads, so he quickly ran to get them. On his way to the final Quidditch match, he saw your bright turquoise socks from a mile away walking towards the intersection. He felt gleeful when he saw you. He never told you he passed all his exams and didn’t find the time to thank you for your tremendous help.

It was only that his buried feelings made him cross the courtyard and make a shortcut to you. His feet carried him lightly and just when you looked up he was already crashing into you with open arms. He lifted you up and spun you around.

You wrapped your arms around him and let out a giggle. “Hey there, stranger.”

“I passed all my exams thanks to you.” he mumbled in your neck, breathing in your perfume and smelling a mix of berry bubblegum.

He put you down gently, letting his hands remain on your hips.

There it was again. That dreamboat eyes looking at you and locking themselves on you. “You don’t think I forgot about you, did you?” he wiggled his eyebrows and gave you a cheeky grin.

You felt your stomach do a flip and your cheeks grow as red as his hair. “Well, you sure made it feel like you did.”

“Well, I didn’t.” he stepped closer and pressed his nose against yours, slowly moving in with his lips until they gently touched yours. You knotted his jersey in your palms and pulled him in a deeper, firm kiss. His arms wrapped themselves around your waist and he lifted you from the ground, so he could kiss you more tenderly. It was a sexual yet slow kind of kiss, where he could feel your body melt into his. It felt so perfect with you; every time his tongue felt yours, his brain lit on fire and when he wanted to pull away to get some air, he only deepened the kiss. The two of you fit together like two pieces of a puzzle.

“You’re going to miss your match.” you pulled away smiling and breathing in long breaths.

He smiled as his eyes kept themselves on your lips. He moved to kiss them, more delicate this time, pulling away slowly and sensually, letting the taste of your lips linger on his before gently kissing the bottom of your lip, the corner of your lip, and then your cheek. “I know but I’ve been meaning to do this for a long time.” he pressed his nose against yours and smiled. “For a really long time.”

“What stopped you?” you pulled away, looking into his eyes.

“I don’t know.” he answered softly and honestly. “But I do know I want to kiss you every chance I can get.”

“You asking me on a date, Red’?” your hands ran up his chest, playing with the goggles around his neck.

“I’d be a fool not to.”

“Yes, you would.” you pulled him in one last kiss, pushing him away and showing him forwards. “Now go to your Quidditch match. You’re late.”

“For a good reason.” he started running down the hall, turning at the intersection and stopping. He made a large pink bubble and winked just before he disappeared around the corner.

Your eyes went wide and you immediately searched for the bubblegum in your mouth. Unfortunately, it wasn’t there anymore so to replace it, you pulled out your a piece of bubblegum and chewed on it. 

[calypsoff]

Eighty One.

Life is crazy, I am just sat on a jet going to Bora Bora, a nigga don’t even know of Bora Bora, I was speaking to Cena and he was saying that he is taking his partner away, away from the kids because they can’t get alone time and I just so happened to say that Robyn’ time is up, she can now have sex and he mentioned Bora Bora, I was like what the fuck and who the fuck is that until I researched it, this needs to be a thing now that we have a baby. I am just so blessed, I am beyond grateful for what I have got in life “daydreaming?” looking back over at Robyn “oh yeah, I was just posting this. Why the fuck are you hiding your face, I look good and you’re there hiding your face. I wanted a selfie not a face hide” rolling my eyes, I am going to post it anyways but I said let’s do a selfie so I can post on my IG, but she is playing stupid. I will get her back for this, I will do the same “I have a naked face Chris, stop it” adding the caption ‘adult holiday’ pressing send on the post “what does that mean naked face? What the hell does that got to with anything” Robyn shrugged “I just feel so white, I usually have a tan. I don’t know, I feel I have changed, my skin has changed. That is all, like I am not sure. I am sorry” locking my phone placing my phone down “don’t apologise, I am your husband, I just want to know if you’re ok that is all. Your face is fine, what is it?” now she got me staring at her face “don’t look at me like that, my face has come out hasn’t it? Please don’t look at me like I am lying” I am so confused “Robyn, I have seen you snoring with your mouth all open, drooling, farting, sick, peeing, I seen your butt hole. What the fuck haven’t I seen? I am the same guy that was creaming your butt, don’t give me that naked face shit” Robyn is trying to surpress her smile “oh my god” she mumbled “sorry, I was harsh, but I don’t like when you are like this with me. I love you I seen you at your worst and you seen me at mine. It’s love with us, it ain’t no I love you at your highest and stop at your lowest moment bullshit ok?” Robyn nodded her head; she is quiet because I am right.

Robyn scoffed “look at that” she held her hand out, reaching over and holding onto her hand “what am I actually looking at?” I laughed to myself, I held her out and didn’t even know what I am supposed to be looking at “my nails poppa, I didn’t manage to do that because I went for the wax, but this was short notice, now my nails aren’t pretty” rolling my eyes, she is a pain in the butt “right, and Robyn, I will get someone to come to the hotel and make them look pretty ok?” moving my hand back “really? For me, thank you poppa. I want to be pretty for you” sitting back in the seat “and you are, stop trying to stop me from touching and looking at the scaring left from having Rylee, it’s really nothing. I am not stupid Robyn, I be peeping that” Robyn put her head down “that is just me, but I will get over it, you know I will. Where are we staying?” Robyn asked “erm” rubbing the top of my head “the over the water bungalow things, four seasons whatever” I shrugged “what!?” she spat “what?” I retorted “that is expensive Chris, how much are you paying for this?” I shrugged it off licking my lips “it’s for you, don’t worry about it. Just know I am doing well with my clothing line and that is how I managed to do it, I just think it is important for us to spend time together because my parents had everything, but they never got the chance to like go away, I mean not baby making but just spend time together” I had to add “oh god, no. I don’t want no baby, well I mean another. I am not ready for that” she waved me off “same, Rylee got me on my toes currently but just want us to have a good time, I want you to be comfortable” nodding my head “I am with you of course” she says that, but she keeps adding these little things that she ain’t/

I felt rather manly to be just here and giving the card to the reception and just pay, instead of being the one cowering behind Robyn “it’s hot as shit here, I got my hoodie on” turning to Robyn laughing “well we did come from VA, take it off” shaking my head “when we get to our room we will” leaning down to Robyn, pressing a kiss to Robyn’ forehead “all that forehead for me” she hit my chest and I snorted laughing “the gentleman here is going to walk to your bungalow sir” turning to the reception “cool, thank you. Can you also get someone to come and do my wife nails. The nail person woman or whatever, if you can get someone to come please” the receptionist smiled “I can arrange that for you, will you be in the room in the afternoon” looking behind me “erm yeah we will be” I am sure of it “then sir we will get that to happen for you, we will charge it to your room and you can pay after” nodding my head as I turned away from the reception “come on then, see. I told you I would make it happen” holding Robyn’ hand “thank you” she rested her head on my arm “this place is so beautiful, I haven’t been here actually, I have seen just pictures” that made me smile, I am so glad I have bought her to a place where she hasn’t been “you better take this hoodie off when we get to the room, change out of this too” look at Robyn just scolding me already “I will, you going to change me” I joked “I will” she probably will actually.

I am shook, like I saw from the pictures that it looked amazing but being here in person “is there anything else I can do for you” the guy asked “no, this is amazing” there is a bathtub just here and you can open the double doors to the beautiful water facing the mount, I wanted it to be facing, I just bought the most expensive bungalow on the list, stepping outside onto the wooden deck, I am taken aback “wow” imagine fucking in the bath and ten we can come outside to the wooden deck and into the pool to fuck, nobody will see or fucking know. This is amazing, I am shocked with what money can buy. I can’t even believe the beauty this holds “this is amazing Chris, I am literally speechless just seeing the beauty” turning to Robyn “did I do good?” taking my hoodie off “warm as shit, we can walk around naked in peace. I am excited” throwing my hoodie at Robyn and she caught it, unbuckling my jeans “Chris, what are you doing?” Robyn said all concerned, taking my sneakers off as I did with the biggest smile on my face “you’re not” stepping out of my jeans and ran off, there is a deck I can just jump off, running down the steps “Chris!” she spat, I ran and just jumped over the side instead “woo!” I spat and jumped into the water.

Robyn threatened me to take off my wet socks and boxers off outside, so I had to obey of course, wrapping the towel around my waist laughing “did you hear me screaming at you?” nodding my head “I did, I was like she is being so damn dramatic, I am only going for a swim. I had to do it, look where we are. Take a picture of me though” holding my phone out to Robyn “mhmmm, am I not invited to the picture. Joking, where you want it” pressing my hair down “you can, I don’t mind it you know” walking back out to the wooden deck “just out here” turning to Robyn, leaning back on the side “don’t you think I look good, it’s amazing how I still got my six pack” squinting my eyes, the sun is in my eyes “nah, this is too sexy Chris. Put some clothes on” I laughed it off with what she said “take the damn picture Robyn, it’s not that big come on” Robyn is not amused “whatever” licking my lips grinning “here” Robyn huffed out passed me the phone “thank you” looking down at the picture “man, I look good as fuck” adding a caption ‘me and you ain’t in the same lane nigga!! Don’t drop the soap #804’ pressing send on the post, my cousin been on my ass on Instagram, and I don’t really care but I know this will upset him even more. I don’t get why his ugly ass even has a damn phone in jail, I want his ass to get caught because all he be doing is stalking me on different accounts, constantly he is making new accounts to get me.

Walking back into the bungalow, Robyn is getting ger nails done so I got bored of course and just sat outside in the sun “what you think?” Robyn lifted her hands up, I mean they are just red, what is she wanting me to say “they are cute” I smiled not knowing what else to say “thank you for this, you are spoiling me” I grinned “it’s ok, I got you” leaning over, pressing a kiss to her lips “why don’t you just your nails done, then again you have perfect nails. They are always perfect” looking down at my hands “you sound like a hater; I do not want my nails done thanks. I prefer not too” walking to the bedroom, I want her to be over with her nails already so we can go and eat. I have something cute for her. The sun will be set by the time she is done, jumping on the bed sighing out. Unlocking my phone, let’s see what page my cousin has made now to harass me on in my messages. He is so predictable with this shit he does, tapping on my messages and there it is a new page. Even sent me a video, how nice of him from his jail cell. Tapping on the video “You a bitch, a snitch and a no good nigga. When I was dealing I did it for my family, including you. I helped you when you had no money, I did it for your mom and dad. I cared, now you think you’re above us Chris. I love my auntie, this is why I would never let anything happen to her, I know where you moved them too, but you have no loyalty too” cutting the video off, I don’t really care anymore. I will send him one back, clearly he likes seeing me. Tapping on record “you are talking shit in jail cuz, let it go. You sound dumb, you’re going to rot there with no life, no wife, and no kid. Must kill you nigga” I sniggered “anyways, I am going to text Drake now and let him know he can drop off my daughter Christmas gifts next week, Happy Christmas” I laughed stopping the recording, I don’t care anymore. I really stopped caring a while ago now, I am above him.

I have been waiting for Robyn to come out of the bedroom, I have to wait for her to get ready clearly “I have a dilemma Chris, so I wanted to wear this dress without a bra. That can’t happen so I am wearing one, with padding of course, no choice in that” looking behind me from the chair “oh wow” seeing Robyn in a silk red dress, low cut dress “I can’t see no bra, I mean yes I get you want to now wear one, but it works for you. You look beautiful, wow” getting up from the chair “thank you” she twirled around “you look fuller, I like it. Booty come out too, man. You deserve your feet to be sucked, maybe your ass will be ate tonight” Robyn placed her arm around my back, licking my lips placing my hand on her booty “you mean that?” she said, nodding my head looking at her red lipstick “is that new? The lipstick” I am sure it is “this is why I married you, you really mean it. About eating my ass?” I winked at her “do I really look good? It’s been a while” I scoffed rolling my eyes “you get on my nerves, you nasty with stank breath. Happy” walking off “rude!” she spat “you know you look good” she just wants more compliments.

The waiter took a picture of Robyn and I with he sunsetting behind us “thank you brother” walking over to him and getting my phone “Chris this is amazing, I can’t even” making my way back to Robyn “let me put your chair in but you like it? I want it to be extra special” she sat down, I can tell with the look on her face she is so amazed, speechless by it all “it is, this is my Christmas. You have made it” walking around the table and sitting down, we are having dinner on the beach front, watching the sun going down “you have made mine, but everything. Like what you have done, you carried my daughter, you have gone through changes that I can’t even go through to make sure our baby good. The least I can do is make sure you’re good, have your nails done, get you relaxed. This is me appreciating you, I love you Robyn. Like shit ain’t to do with sex, it plays a big part, I would be lying if I said it don’t, it do but this is really about me appreciating you and what you do, I think every women deserves it. I got days set for you, we going to have fun. We going to spend time, celebrate you all day every day” Robyn put her head down smiling, she is so happy, I adore her “anyways, we cute yeah” Robyn reached over grabbing my phone “you can see but of the stomach, like it looks a little pouch don’t you think, I mean I have just started eating healthy you know? Can you do it from the breasts up” poking my lips out, I want to just shake her and say stop. There is no pouch or whatever “fine” I don’t want to upset her, she is annoying “I really don’t fuck with insecure women like that Robyn. You’re Rihanna what the hell, you crazy” she got to be on something “just because I am Rihanna doesn’t mean I have to be perfect Chris, I have insecurities. So you don’t fuck with me? My body has changed, yes you make me feel good. I am ok with you, out there no. You look so well, you always did but ever since you became a dad it’s like something clicked and you are just so confident and out here, your posts on Instagram you look sexy Chris” raising an eyebrow “that’s because I have the money and the connects to do things Robyn, I wasn’t out there because I had nothing, I was under you and now I can be me. I can do things and that’s because of you” I am no way better then Robyn anyways.