#she wants the throne - because she craves importance and status and being able to be that sort of caretakers who’s not really stifled by th

[halfyearsqueen]

CONFESS YOUR SECRETS TO ME AND I’LL TELL YOU WHAT YOU NEED TO HEAR.

the sun will not set on you.

whatever you are looking for, it can be found. it is waiting for you. this fear has no place in your home. no matter what shape your grief comes in, there will always be a place for you in this world.

tagged by: stole from main 🫶

tagging: @eparvier , @mysria , @ashedrose , @lcerys , @alysannevelaryon , @daekarys , @sevynhells , @dioica

[lady-phasma]

My Auntie, my love, my Phasma -

I loved getting your ask about Daemon's sexuality. It was so fun to discuss his grotty little self. Now, as someone who has tentative plans to branch out to our favourite one-eye boi Aemond, I'd LIKE to extend the same question to you about him. What are your thoughts on his proclivities? What does he enjoy? How does he treat his bedroom guests?

You flatter me! stahp! You were so thorough that I want to return that favor. Also it seems that Auntie Phasma is catching on so thank you for that too!

my gif

As we all know we have been given very little screen time with Aemond. However, he chooses his words so carefully I feel like we can unpack a lot from those few sentences. For example, the word "depravity" isn't a neutral word. It carries judgement with it. For Aemond to say that he is not a man with a taste for depravity puts hard limits on what he might do. However, he is not a soft man and is not always a kind lover. Disclaimer: I have written soft!Aemond for requests or prompts but rarely; what follows is my headcanon for what I write outside requests, for my own fics. Also, this is not headcanon for anything related to Alys as she is not in the series yet. I've answered in general terms because I didn't want to write a book but there is definitely much more to him than what I have answered here.

Marriage - I think it's important to begin with marriage because there are two aspects to this for Aemond: Targaryen pride and legitimate children. Not only does Aemond care deeply for his family but he is proud to be a Targaryen and would, ultimately, have a breeding kink. However, he would not want illegitimate children so measures would be taken to avoid that after any encounters. Of which there would be many! However, Aemond would not choose to marry for love over duty. He would not protest at an arranged marriage. He understands his duties better than most princes and, again, values his bloodline. Marriage is a political tool for him and while a Targaryen is on the throne he will have the upper hand in the arrangement.

Promiscuity - Before marriage Aemond is promiscuous (and probably after as well, I think he would only be faithful to his wife if duty happened to overlap with love). He fully understands what it means to be a prince and to be from a powerful family. He also knows how beautiful Targaryens are considered to be by most of Westeros. He most certainly uses this to his advantage. He is selective in his choice of partners. For many reasons I won't list here, his promiscuity gives him a sense of control, allows him to remain closed off emotionally and avoid intimacy. Similarly, this could factor into marriage for duty instead of love. By selecting women approximately his age and of lower status (almost everyone has a lower status than that of a prince) he is able to maintain control in the sexual encounter.

Control - Aemond absolutely has a control kink. He has very little control over his life as a second son and even as a child asserted what control he could through claiming Vhagar. He is precise in everything he does: his studies, his sword fighting, his speech, even his movements. He stands straight, hands barely moving, never slouching. He is a model of self-control. This extends to sex as well. For example, he would control himself to the extent that if he did feel affection for his partner he would not verbalize it during the act. However, he would not feel the need to be restrained when it came to seeking his own pleasure. His partner would be there for Aemond's pleasure and it would be, in his mind, an honor for him to fuck them. Additionally, he is very private and would need to control who knows about his sex life. He would not have sex with a woman he couldn’t trust to be discrete or at least be able to intimidate into discretion.

Dominance - This need for control pushes him toward being somewhat, if not totally, dominant over his partner. He craves agency and choice in his life and would exert that control over all of the women he takes to bed. Depending on the woman's personality, he could be incredibly dominant. At the very least Aemond would use his physical strength to restrain his partner, grabbing her wrists, her hair, or her neck during sex. At the most he would enjoy humiliating her or inflicting some emotional pain but he is not sadistic. This extreme is only brought out of him by women who encourage it, who see him attempting to hold in the rage that is constantly under the surface of his carefully crafted demeanor and then allow him to have an outlet for it.

Sexual gratification - Aemond will take his pleasure with almost no concern for his partner's. Almost. When something he enjoys (like his dominance) adds to their enjoyment it excites him. He might have gentle moments but they are fleeting. He much prefers the validation that comes with being uninvolved emotionally while being extremely skilled. He does not crave approval or acceptance from his partners. Though he enjoys it when it occurs, he does not seek it. His scar kink is an example of this. If he chooses to take his eyepatch off it is for him, not for his partner. It isn't a test to see if she is frightened but a sign of his level of comfort. His sapphire is a part of him and he is not ashamed of it. However, he has the agency over who sees it and who doesn't. During sex it is something he can own, regardless of why it was done to him, and if his partner isn't repulsed by it Aemond would definitely enjoy having his scar touched or kissed. If she were repulsed by it he would enjoy that as well, would get some delight from the idea that he caused that reaction, but would likely not have sex with her again. Lastly, Aemond is very careful to pull out if he isn't having sex with his wife. If that doesn't happen, moon tea is a necessity. He very seldom gets carried away, never loses control.

I'm not sure how explicit I needed to get, how explicit you expected me to be, so I'll end with a few things that I think he really enjoys. He very much enjoys the power exchange of face fucking his partner, hearing her gag on his dick while he holds her head still. He enjoys watching as his partner touches herself, making her vulnerable while his emotional armor remains intact. He likes rough sex, particularly from behind. My personal headcanon is that he prefers, using this term for expediency, the flatiron position while holding his partner down by the back of her neck. He also enjoys any position where his partner would be on display so that he could watch and enjoy her potential embarrassment. What turns him on the most is the power he wields over his partner, emotionally, physically, and politically.

[thebibliomancer]

Archaia’s Jim Henson’s The Dark Crystal Age of Resistance #10

The Journey into the Mondo Levidian Part 2

The true untold tale of All-Maudra Mayrin’s inaugural adventure!

Well, untold in the show. Comic is telling plenty.

In part one, Mayrin becomes All-Maudra and has plenty of unresolved mother issues and insecurity about it. Her first crisis is the growing Sifan separatist movement which threatens to shatter Gelfling solidarity and make her more of a Most-Maudra. She charters a ride with Captain Kam’Lu to go speak to the separatist leader Fenth but the ship goes and sinks.

So far we’ve had a journey so far but not into or Mondo Levidian. We probably should get around to that soon. There’s only three issues left.

So let’s get started!

When the ship sank, Mayrin jumped overboard to save Kam’Lu. Now they’re stranded in the middle of the ocean on a raft.

Mayrin is insistent that they try to find and save the crew of the Scalene Anchor and also Dot. Kam’Lu is equally insistent that No That’s A Terrible Idea. They have no food, no water, and no hope of survival unless they’re lucky enough to find land. They’re in no position to rescue anyone else. Plus...

There are political considerations.

Kam’Lu: “If the other clans believe the Sifans killed the All-Maudra, we’ll never be trusted again.”

He also mentions that Fenth predicted that THIS EXACT SITUATION might happen if the All-Maudra intervened in the Sifan separatist movement.

Huh.

Speaking of Fenth, the plot cuts over to him for a bit.

He learns of the sinking the Scalene Anchor and the presumed death of the New-All-Maudra and thinks hey, its free real estate.

High Councilor Fenth: “That means... There’s no one in line for the All-Maudra’s throne! The seat is vacant!”

skekSa: “How... fortunate! Haha! Ha! Haha! You wanted autonomy for the Sifans! Freedom from the greedy hands of the Vapra clan, yes? That is why honored me with this grand tithing -- to enlist my immortal aid? I am the only one who is sympathetic to your cause. That is why the Skeksis are here. To help Gelfling lead...!”

Call it a shot in the dark but I feel like skekSa was involved in the suspicious sea monster sinking of the Scalene Anchor.

Of course, she’ll probably get away with it. It’d spoil the surprise too early if a Skeksis was caught doing an evil scheme.

Also, look at the ambition on Fenth. Grows up in a matriarchy where clan leaders are always women, where the word for clan leader means ‘clan mother’ and thinks to himself ‘psssh i can do that.’ Good on him. Dream big, guy.

Back over with our mismatched comedy duo, as all Dark Crystal stories must have, Mayrin and Kam’Lu have some mismatched comedy duo banter.

Like her criticizing him for not being able to find land despite being a captain of a ship. And then immediately spotting land while he’s indignantly defending his credentials.

Or her maligning his swimming abilities since he fell off a boat and got knocked unconscious and had to be saved from drowning by her.

So he decides to turn this into a swimming contest, winner gets to be All-Maudra.

Good fun.

Just how I like my Gelfling buddy comedies.

Of course, its all fun and games until the island turns out to be a sea monster that eats them.

And it turns out that the island is a sea monster that eats them.

A mondo levidian, if I had to guess.

Giant turtles passing as landscape. Giant monsters being mistaken for islands. This comic series is too good to me.

So the two slide down the mondo levidian’s throat (gross) MANAGING TO BICKER ON THE WAY DOWN!

Kam’Lu: “Don’t you have wings?!”

Mayrin: “They don’t work well when they’re wet!”

Amazing.

They slide and slorp and flump all the way down to presumably the stomach.

But as they stop to rest, they realize they’re not alone.

Sulub: “Yer some kinda fishie-fish I ain’t ever seen! Betchur tasty! Anyway! No wrigglin’ while I kill ya good!”

OH MY GOD

This comic series is too good to me.

Look at this delightful podling crabtaur.

Once Kam’Lu proves immune to Sulub’s “advanced technology” (ie Sulub stabs Kam’Lu in the foot with a spear), the podcrab agrees to take the two Gelfling to see his village elder.

Sulub actually assumes that Mayrin and Kam’Lu are married and here on honeymoon at the thriving fish digestive system tourism industry I guess. Mayrin claims that Kam’Lu is just a fool and her servant (and Kam’Lu doesn’t speak Podling very well so has no idea about this) and introduces herself as the All-Maudra.

Sulub: “ALL-MAUDRA! The legendary All-Maudra! Well, why didn’t ya say so! Sulub is gilltickled and downright honored to lead ‘the all-powerful and all-knowing’ All-Maudra to our home. You’ll be enjoyin’ to know we’ve kept care of your most regal gifts! Still in pristine condition for havin’ come in a while ago!”

The gut city of Bajula has a statue of the previous All-Maudra, one apparently commissioned when Mayrin was baby.

Huh.

Well. Its helpful to Mayrin that they know about the All-Maudra and are excited to have her here. And that they’re assuming that she sent the statue ahead of herself, like luggage.

Sulub tours Mayrin and Kam’Lu around Bajula. Showing them the goo farms, the visitor center, the fermented... milk wine bar.

The king shows up and is disappointed that the Gelfling want to leave so soon into their visit and asks if Sulub even bothered to show them the goo farms!

But since Mayrin insists that they have important outside stuff to do outside, the king decides to rush through some exposition.

These podling crabs? They’re called Boblings.

Bobling King: “Thousands of trine ago, my tribe set out to explore the Silver Sea as proud, stalwart Podlings! Our regal forefathers were not known to swim, but their bravery was unmatched, and they set out to conquer everything they discovered! All those who would get in their way would be destroyed by the might of the Podlings! Yet there are creatures in this world that are mightier, and the Mondo Leviadin emerged from the Silver Sea and devoured their ships. Thousands of digestive cycles passed as we changed to better suit our new home. Our new world.”

An unstoppable army of Podlings sounds funny until you remember how awesome Hup is. The Mono Levidian may have spared the peoples of Thra a tragic fate.

Also, I’m a big impressed at the lack of linguistic drift. Thousands of trine and Bobling language is indistinguishable from Podling and Gelfling is still recognizable.

Kam’Lu gets fed up with the Bobling King and starts yelling that he’s cold, he’s hungry, he doesn’t want to be in a fish’s guts! Mayrin manages to convince the king by speaking of duty.

Bobling King: “You speak of duty. I know it well. As a leader of my kind, I would do anything for their survival. So yes, I will help you and your servant. Why you married him, I will never know.”

Kam’Lu: “Her what? We’re what?!”

Hah, that misunderstanding is paying dividends.

The king explains that the levidian only surfaces to feed once per trine and that it stays near the surface for a time after feeding.

So if Mayrin and Kam’Lu don’t get to the porticol (blowhole) within eight or so intestinal groans (.... hours??), they’ll be stuck until next trine.

WHICH IS GOING TO BE REAL BAD FOR MAYRIN’S CAREER.

Even though the Boblings are but a simple goo-farming people, the king sends his daughter Gunda, the most skilled hunter in Bajula, to escort them.

Gunda: “But father, the journey as never been done by a single Bobling. You send me into certain danger!”

King: “And do you not crave danger?! My daughter, you are the only one capable and brave enough to undertake such a quest! Please! A duty for your king!”

Gunda: “So be it. I will guide you to the porticol, but know that it is dangerous and uncharted. There are many creatures that call this place home. We must be vigilant. Stalwart. Like my podling ancestors!”

This is a fun little bit because it implies a life and experiences and that these Boblings haven’t just been sitting waiting for protagonists to show up. I mean, they also have been doing that. They have a visitor center set up. But they’ve been living their own dramas.

And off they go! Mayrin, Kam’Lu, and Gunda! On a grand journey to a giant sea monster’s blowhole!

Wait, is this thing a mammal?

So that’s issue 2.

We’re finally in the Mondo Levidian. And now all the protagonists want is to get out. So we’ve got the title, we’ve got an objective, we’ve got some fun side cast, we’ve got a ticking clock before Mayrin and Kam’Lu have to look at the sea monster gut apartment listings, and we’ve got some outside stakes!

Mayrin continues to impress. There’s even a moment right when Kam’Lu rouses after the shipwreck where he seems in awe of her confidence in a crisis.

Kam’Lu has his own personality now that’s not parroting Fenth. Its being a butt monkey, with a slight shade of being a little shit. Between Mayrin giving him shit for supposedly being bad at sailor stuff to getting stabbed in the foot by Boblings twice to being mistaken for Mayrin’s servant-husband, Kam’Lu is having a trying adventure. Plus his ship sank and all of his friends may be dead and if they fail to escape the Mondo Levidian, he’ll go down in history as the idiot that got an All-Maudra killed.

Poor guy.

Gunda has only had two pages to shine and she seems endearing! But it feels weird that Sulub isn’t coming along. He’s the introductory Bobling and all. But I guess speaking only Podling would be an impediment to interacting with Kam’Lu. Still, its weird that he just seems to fade out of the story once the king shows up.

Farewell, Sulub, you funky crab potato.

[sokkastyles]

I said that I wanted to make a post as a companion to this one about Azula focusing on Zuko, because both the Fire Nation siblings crave authenticity and I was thinking about this in terms of this conversation:

Zuko: Why didn't you tell those guys who we were?

Azula: I guess I was intrigued. I'm so used to people worshiping us.

Ty Lee: They should.

Azula: Yes, I know, and I love it. But, for once, I just wanted to see how people would treat us if they didn't know who we were.

This is during “The Beach” when Ty Lee and Mai are invited to a party by some FN teens and Azula invites herself and Zuko. The teens hilariously tell them that there will be “important people” at the party, not knowing that Azula and Zuko are the prince and princess of the Fire Nation. Zuko asks Azula why she didn’t tell them the truth and she says she wanted to be treated like a normal teenager, for once. In this episode we see Azula trying, and failing, to be the teenage girl she never got to be. 

Although Zuko and Azula both want to be seen and understood for who they really are, to embrace an identity that is authentic and real, and be seen and known by others on a level that is authentic and real, Zuko goes about it in a different way than Azula. Zuko’s search for his authentic self has led him to pursue the identity he’s been trying to get back to for three years, his identity as Prince of the Fire Nation. That’s why Zuko wonders why Azula didn’t just tell the boys who they were. If she did, surely they would want them at the party? They are, after all, the Prince and Princess.

Zuko also has a different relationship to his status as royalty not only because he’s been away from home for three years, but because he’s always been told that he wasn’t good enough, that he had to better, that he had to prove he was worthy of the title he was born with. Of course, it’s all built on a lie, the lie of noble birth, but it’s been so ingrained in Zuko (and Azula, but we’re talking about Zuko now) that at the beginning of the series, he was bitter and angry over what he felt he was entitled to that had been taken from him.

Zuko asking Azula why she didn’t just tell the boys who they really were echoes his revelation of his true name to the Earth Kingdom village in “Zuko Alone.”

Zuko: My name is Zuko. Son of Ursa and Fire Lord Ozai. Prince of the Fire Nation, and heir to the throne.

Old man: Liar! I heard of you! You're not a prince, you're an outcast! His own father burned and disowned him!

Here, Zuko’s announcement of who he is has the opposite effect than what he thought, as he failed to realize that the Earth Kingdom citizens he sought to protect would not look kindly on Fire Nation royalty. This shows Zuko’s desire to get back what he’s lost without a real understanding of his privilege and the crimes his nation has committed against the rest of the world. And the old man’s reaction also has the added bonus of reminding him that even whatever hollow meaning he could have taken from his title is ultimately meaningless, because his father banished him.

And thus, just like Azula, Zuko’s identity is fractured into multiples. The first one is Prince Zuko, heir to the throne. The second one is Zuko the disgraced, scarred, banished, exiled. 

There’s also a third which is further broken up into multiples: Blue Spirit, refugee, tea server, that exists in between the two.

Zuko’s narrative is about trying to reconcile these identities into an authentic self, and for much of the series, he is single-mindedly pursuing what he thinks represents his authentic self. That’s why when he finally goes back to the Fire Nation, he tries to be happy with his identity as prince, and embrace it as much as possible. He thinks that telling the guys at the party who he is will impress them (even though it didn’t work the first time), but once he gets there, he feels more out of place than ever.

What’s this? A shot of Zuko’s scar and a mirror, and a guy who represents the kind of guy Zuko could have been if he weren’t who he is? Zuko’s got everything he wanted here. He’s the prince of the Fire Nation, he’s got a girlfriend, his honor restored, and he’s back home, but instead of enjoying himself, he decides to be jealous of this guy. His existential confusion comes out as insecurity over his relationship with Mai, because he can never be sure if he can be himself with Mai, or if Mai even likes his true self. I mean, if he hadn’t agreed to go back to the Fire Nation, if he hadn’t become Prince Zuko again, he would not even have a relationship with her, as he would have been making the journey back as a prisoner.

Zuko’s inability to return to his former identity as prince of the Fire Nation is symbolically represented in his scar. He is permanently marked by the suffering he has undergone, and permanently changed as a result of his experiences. In “The Crossroads of Destiny,” Zuko almost was able to reconcile these two aspects of himself, and to choose for himself which one to embrace. When he meets Katara in the catacombs, he is confronted with what his identity as Prince of the Fire Nation, and the legacy of destruction that goes with it, means to her:

Katara: You're a terrible person! You know that? Always following us! Hunting the Avatar! Trying to capture the world's last hope for peace! But what do you care? You're the Fire Lord's son. Spreading war and violence and hatred is in your blood!

Zuko: You don't know what you're talking about!

Katara: I don't? How dare you! You have no idea what this war has put me through!

Zuko, of course, objects to being characterized this way, and of course his relationship with his identity as the FIre Lord’s son is much more complicated than Katara knows, but she also is right that he has no idea of the suffering that his people have wrought upon the rest of the world. It’s when Katara brings up her personal loss of her mother, though, that he is able to empathize with her.

Katara: The Fire Nation took my mother away from me.

Zuko: I'm sorry. That's something we have in common.

Speaking of mirrored images, Zuko throughout his journey has had his own self-image held up to him and examined through the mirror of other people, one of them being Song, the Earth Kingdom girl who empathized with him over his burn scar. Katara is another, someone who, like him, lost her mother as a child. There are two things here that are an essential part of Zuko’s journey, 1) experiencing the suffering of others which pulls him out of his own self-centered perception, and 2) having his own suffering validated by seeing and meeting other people who have suffered in the same way. Contrast this to the way Azula treats other people’s suffering as not entirely real, calling her brother and her friend’s revelations about themselves in “The Beach” performances while also denying that she cares about her own damaged relationship with her mother. Zuko’s realization that other people’s suffering is real and something he should care about goes hand in hand with realizing that he did not deserve to suffer in the ways that his family has made him suffer. It is Katara’s pain over her mother’s loss that reaffirms that Zuko’s loss of his mother was also real and causes Zuko to realize that he is free to choose his own identity.

Zuko: I used to think this scar marked me. The mark of the banished prince, cursed to chase the Avatar forever. But lately, I've realized I'm free to determine my own destiny, even if I'll never be free of my mark.

Katara offering to heal the scar, although well-meaning, ironically sets Zuko back, because it reinforces the idea that the scar is a shameful part of his identity, something that marks him as Zuko the banished prince and separates him from becoming who he truly is. Katara connects with Zuko in a way that is authentic and real, but because Zuko cannot yet reconcile the dichotomy within himself, he ends up making the wrong decision underneath Ba Sing Se, and when Katara says during the fight that she thought he had changed, he tells her that he has, having made a decision about which identity to choose, although he still must take the final steps towards becoming whole by reconciling the two parts of himself personified by the “crossroads” in this episode.

But also essential to Zuko reconciling these two parts of himself is the development in season two of an identity that bridges gap between Prince Zuko and Zuko the banished. This is the Zuko that we see serving tea, working the kind of job that we might expect a normal teenager to work, and beginning to form a picture of himself that is surprisingly domestic. And even though he makes it clear to Iroh that this isn’t what he wants, it’s clear that some part of him craves this. Just as with Azula we see her wishful attempt to inhabit the role of normal teenage girl through going to a party and flirting with a boy, we see Zuko at possibly his most vulnerable and most “normal teenagery” when he is on his date with Jin. And even though it’s Iroh who pushes him to accept the date, we see Zuko reluctantly open up and genuinely enjoy himself.

However, Zuko still cannot experience true authenticity with Jin, as he must hide his Fire Nation identity. He does, however, covertly reveal his firebending to Jin, whose silent acceptance moves him ever so slightly towards an acceptance of his true self. This is ultimately too much for him, however, as once he accepts Jin’s acceptance and reciprocates her feelings he is overwhelmed and retreats, in part because he cannot reveal his true self to her for practical reasons and in part because he isn’t ready to do so on an emotional level.

It is also around this time in the narrative that Zuko sees another reflection of himself. His freeing of Appa is a huge blow to his self-perception, and this causes him to go into a fever during which he has several dreams that reveal parts of his identity or how he sees himself. The first is the image of himself on the Fire Lord throne, devoid of the scar but being controlled by two dragons with the voice of Azula and Iroh. And it’s after this dream that he looks in the mirror and sees himself as...

I’ve mostly seen this scene talked about in terms of Zuko and Aang’s narrative parallels and spiritual link, and it is significant for that reason, but it’s also a reflection of the choice Zuko must make about who he will be. If he is not defined by his identity as either Prince of the Fire Nation or his banishment, or his search for the Avatar, then who is he?

Zuko touching the scar upon waking to reaffirm that he is still himself shows us how much the scar has become a part of his identity. At the end of book two, he flirts with the idea of acceptance, and then with the offer of having it removed, and then when he goes back to the Fire Nation in early book three, he attempts to return to a point before the scar existed, before the fracturing of his identity, but finds that he cannot.

Zuko: During the meeting, I was the perfect prince. The son my father wanted. But I wasn't me.

By going to the war meeting, Zuko returns to the place of his original trauma and discovers that he cannot return to who he was before the fracturing of his identity, and that he, in fact, was never the “perfect prince” to begin with, that that person never existed.

What Zuko eventually comes to realize, through all of these experiences, and through returning to the home of his existence before the scar and finding it no longer a home, is that all of these identities are a part of him.

When he confronts his father on the Day of Black Sun, and then when he presents himself to the gaang, this is the first time that Zuko is being true to his authentic self, both by creating a more whole and positive identity and by accepting the trauma and guilt of his past and trying to atone. Therefore he’s able to create a more true identity and accept his place as Fire Lord without the cognitive dissonance that that identity brought him before.

[coeurvrai]

Last we left off, Nadya passed out for the billionth time after escaping from the room where she was imprisoned and was found by Malachiasz. This time, Nadya wakes up bandaged in a room at the top of Pelageya’s tower.

Pelageya tells Nadya that she knows who she and Malachiasz really are and is aware of her status as a Cleric, because “this palace has been without any blessing of the divine for so long that you were practically shining when you stepped inside.”

“Though,” she considered, tugging at a spiral curl, “he’s not your king. Not mine, either. He’s not even sterevyani bolen’s king, now, is he? Is it treason if we all here swear to different crowns? Except…” Her gaze narrowed on Malachiasz. “You can’t really swear to your own crown, now can you?”

“Careful…” he murmured. He flexed his hand over the arm of his chair, nails flashing iron in the dim candlelight.

Shut the fuck up, Malachiasz. Also @jefflion​ already told me this particular spoiler, that Malachiasz is actually the Queen’s illegitimate child, so I’m both annoyed but also it kind of makes sense? Because either way, Malachiasz wants the crown and sees the crown as his.

Pelageya explains that a certain Vulture rose up the ranks and found out a way to attain godhood, so he told the King in a way to strengthen the relationship between the court and the Vultures; because the previous “Vulture queen” was ruining the sect and the Black Vulture wanted equal power. And so King Izak wanted to perform the ceremony, to give him the power he desperately craved.

“The Vulture disappeared. Poof! There one night, gone the next, leaving his cult to scramble in his absence. Because the Vultures need direction, they need their Black Vulture to lead them, and he had vanished.”

Nadya was listening at a distance, refusing to let the witch’s words catch up to her, to connect all that she was hearing, but she knew, she knew. Would that it had been so simple, that Malachiasz were just a Vulture recruit who got scared and fled. The world was falling out from underneath her and she had no anchor, she had nothing, because nothing was even real.

AND NADYA PUTS TWO AND TWO TOGETHER.

Look, I’ve been 99% sure from the start because that’s what happens when you advertise your book as a villain romance and also say it’s for Alina/Darkling shippers. The plot twist isn’t really a plot twist.

It was Malachiasz. It had always been Malachiasz. The leader of the cult, the one who had spun all of this into motion, the one who had smiled and charmed his way into Nadya’s trust because he could do terrible things with her power if he had access to it. She wouldn’t be sitting here with bandages covering her body if not for Malachiasz.

Look, you didn’t have to listen to him. You didn’t even have to go with him and Rashid and Parijahan to that church, because you had no reason to trust him or believe their plans or to even stick around to hear their plans. You, by all rights, shouldn’t had no actual reason to have been in that situation in the first place.

It’d be more believable if the book had gone along that Nadya was naive and unbelievably sheltered and that had a great effect on her nature and how she interacted with people.

But we literally threw away any semblance of that out of the window by Chapter 2 to double down that Nadya is Independent and Capable and Can Make Her Own Decisions and her upbringing at the monastery and especially as a Cleric has no greater effect on her perception of the world and her social skills.

Also you still haven’t found out what he did with your blood that one time!!!

“But he fled?” Nadya asked. If she pretended the one they were speaking of wasn’t sitting in front of them, listening in calm contemplation, maybe that would make this easier.

“He did,” Pelageya said. “But he came back. Do you think that is coincidence? That this clever boy and his clever magic have returned now?”

“Malachiasz?” Nadya said, her voice smaller than she would have liked, weaker. She willed him to look at her.

He looked different, sitting in the witch’s chair in a way that made it seem almost a throne. His black hair parted far on the right side, falling over his shoulder in inky waves, his pale eyes cold and blank. Less a boy, more a monster. Was that all he was? The silly boy who smiled too much and felt too deeply just a mask for the monster underneath?

Had she fallen for his lies exactly as he wanted her to?

I am going to scream.

You literally have called him a fucking monster and an Abomination and a Heretic ALL of the time, just to remind us that, yes, you still consider him an Enemy even though your hatred is paper thin and not at all believable even though your hatred for Tranavia and Vultures especially is supposed to be Important to your character.

But yes, you did.

He finally met her gaze, eyes softening, growing familiar. “It’s all right, towy dżimyka,” he said, voice soft.

It wasn’t. Not at all.

Pelageya laughed. “Is that supposed to make her feel better?” She stood up, walking around Malachiasz’s chair. “Is that supposed to earn her trust again?” She hooked a finger underneath his chin, forcing his gaze up to hers. She looked young. Nadya didn’t know when the shift had happened but knew the witch was a force of nature. A magic just as old and dangerous as either of them possessed, made worse by the wisdom of her years. “What have you done, Chelvyanik Sterevyani?” she whispered. “What will you still do? I don’t think love is such a force that it will stop you. I’m not sure you’re even capable of it.”

Okay, words are just getting thrown around now.

Also, bullshit! It’s not even something close to love. It’s more lust and attraction than anything else. They barely know each other! So of course love isn’t going to be able to stop him because there isn’t love between him and Nadya, because there hasn’t been time for love to develop between them.

Also this isn’t an enemies-to-lovers dynamic. I know I’ve said that before, but I want to just say it again. This isn’t enemies-to-lovers.

Nadya starts to have a moment, blaming herself and then saying that maybe he had changed, maybe they had changed him, maybe Pelageya is just trying to make trouble.

“I just want to end what I started,” Malachiasz finally said.

Ah yes, with a king dead at your feet and a crown sitting on your head.

Pelageya carries on, throwing around more words:  

“But, this isn’t just about you, Veshyen Yaliknevo. Chelvyanik Sterevyani. Sterevyani bolen.” She sat down on the arm of his chair and he shifted to the opposite side, as far from her as he could possibly get. “This is about the little scrap of divinity you’ve drawn to the depths of Tranavia.”

Nadya lifted her chin. She wasn’t going to let them see she was falling apart.

“She followed you a long, long way from home. What did you tell her to make her come so far without putting a blade in your back?”

Nothing too difficult, really. Just that they had a plan to assassinate the Tranavian King and for some reason, Nadya just went along with honestly without that much fuss, because y’know, the plot demanded it.

Also, as much as I find Pelageya amusing and intriguing, the way she’s being all touchy-touchy with Malachiasz, who is still a teenager, slightly uncomfortable.

“... Now that you point it out she does have the look of a girl who goes for—” She leaned over and tipped Malachiasz’s head back again, baring his throat. His fist clenched over the arm of the chair, nails now just long enough to be visible claws. “—sensitive flesh.”

Like, could you not? We get that Pelageya is creepy and strange already, Emily Duncan, you established that in a Serefin chapter with the prophecy thing.

“I never told her anything that wasn’t true,” he said, voice carefully restrained.

Lie by omission is still a lie, mate. What you omitted was pretty important. I mean, it was obvious and I already knew it, but still.

Pelageya still keeps creepily touching Malachiasz and Malachiasz keeps trying to find excuses for everything, insisting that they’re going to end the war. 

“Why are you here, Malachiasz?”

“I have told you. My reasoning hasn’t changed just because you know what I am now. I want to save my country. I’m one of the few people who can; surely you understand that.”

He was giving her nothing, less than nothing.

“I don’t believe you,” she said softly.

That’s one of the smartest things Nadya has ever said, and that’s saying something.

Nadya, who didn’t know how to hold herself together after this. Nadya, who couldn’t pull her gaze away from Malachiasz, unable to reconcile that the boy she had traded jokes with, that she had kissed, was a symbol of Tranavian heresy. A monster greater than all others.

I- you literally knew that he was a Vulture. That made him “heretical” as is. You knew he was powerful, you literally he was more powerful than Serefin! You called him a monster.

I know, objectively, that this is supposed to be a betrayal for you but you can’t just act like you haven’t been calling him all these things for 75% of the book!

She thought she knew what she was doing, coming here, but now she was in a foreign country, surrounded by her enemies, and the one she had anchored her safety to had been lying to her from the start.

Because the plot demanded that you trust him and go along with their plan even though you had no real reason to.

Pelageya tells her that the entity connected to the necklace that Kostya gave to her is called Velyos, a former member of the Pantheon. That the reason she is cut off from the gods currently is because King Izak is strengthening that “veil” of blood magic that hangs over the capital. 

“There is your magic, which is good, of course. And then their magic. Blood magic. Heresy.”

“It’s just magic,” Malachiasz said.

Still haven’t explained why Marzenya just can’t fuck shit up when magic is one of her domains, plain and simple. And yes, you can argue “the veil” but the veil is still made from magic. It still hasn’t explained why blood magic is so different and untouchable when blood magic is still, at its core, magic.

Pelageya tells Nadya that a witch is just someone with magic of their own, not beholden to the gods. Nadya balks at the thought. Pelageya taunts them both, stating that Malachiasz doesn’t have the power of Vultures that he once did.

The witch had said it to sow more discord, but if he didn’t have full control of the Vultures, maybe that meant he actually was helping them? She shouldn’t give in to hope. She hated that she was so damn hopeful.

I’m rolling my eyes, because Nadya is being predictable at this point and I have no hope for any character consistency besides the fact that it's inconsistent.

A sudden insistent knock on the door made all three of them pause. Then a voice, terrifyingly familiar, came from outside.

“Pelageya? I need to speak with you.”

Of course it would be the prince.

And that’s the end of Chapter 26! YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS!

[scarlettsabetlondongirl]

January 9th is: 

Jimmy Page’s Birthday!

Capricorn

Excerpted from The Sex Files: by Rowan Davis

December 22 - January 20

He's told you before that sex to him is not knowing where you end and where he begins, and you're surprised that a man so self-contained allows his body to mesh with another's so completely. In fact, you've learned to pay careful attention to the small things with him—a glance, a touch, a shift in stance speaks volumes about what he's feeling. These little clues provide infinitely more comfort than a thousand words, because you know that talk is cheap. The simple kindness he gives you provides his feelings well enough, for when he fills you, he looks into your eyes and you know that you fill him just as completely.

Saturn, the Deposed King

Commander of the old holy order, Saturn ruled during the Golden Age of man, when all was a utopia and man was still pure. Eventually, Saturn was dethroned by his son, Jupiter (Greek: Zeus) and man sank to the folly and hedonism personified by Jupiter's many lusts and his desire for vengeance. The Capricorn himself always has the air of a man eternally stuck in the good old days. He's aware of the destructive changes men have wrought on themselves, and still he tries to maintain some of the original purity of the race of mankind through traditional values. He clings to his beliefs, maintaining a stoic, detached exterior. And he reacts to his patron's fall from favor by retaining some grace and attempting to achieve a measure of respect for himself through social and economic positions.

In astrology, Saturn governs self-control, responsibility, and the "thou shall not's" of life. The Capricorn male is not so much born to rule as he is a man who has already ruled and is having one hell of a time giving up the leadership position. In an effort to do so, he may become overly judgmental of others or over lax in his self-control, resorting to drugs and alcohol to help him relax his need to dominate a situation, or even as tools for subversively doing so. Saturn himself, in fear of losing his authority, ate his children as soon as they were born to ensure they could not fulfill the prophesy of one of them taking his throne. When Zeus attempted to do just that, such a war ensued as to nearly destroy the world. And, as many exiled rulers are, he became the scapegoat for everything that was wrong, while Jupiter, the new ruler, was heralded as the perfect king.

His Top Traits Explored

He's Repressed. The sign of Capricorn stands for restriction, self-control, social status, and generally any pursuit that takes a great deal of time for fruition. The Capricorn male faces a life-long struggle with his excessive tendencies, trying to package his larger-than-life personality into a more conventional bread box to make it easier for himself and others to handle.

As a somewhat pessimistic fatalist, the Capricorn male leans toward self-indulgence, especially of the illegal substance and sexual affair varieties. (After all, what's the point of being so self-controlled if there's nothing there that needs to be controlled?) It's uncomfortably easy for him to talk himself into betraying his lover or his health by reminding himself that everything's bound to end anyway, regardless of what he does at any particular moment. However, he could not be a Capricorn without rigid self-regulation, and in an attempt to control his raunchier cravings, many Capricorn men have a tendency to become fanatical followers of religion or societal traditions. Part of him believes that women were made to take care of men, and that it is his lover's job to make sure his home life is as comfortable and secure as possible, regardless of his extra-marital activities.

His fluctuation between steely repression and melting self-indulgence is a trademark of his sexual expressiveness in the bedroom. His sudden passions are followed by long periods of detachment—in a way, his abstinence is a means of penance for his previous hot and heavy behavior either because his religious attitudes make him feel guilty or because he has scared himself with his inhibitions and the power of his lust for you. If his partner becomes resentful over this ebb and flow, he's likely to take his sexual attentions elsewhere, letting her deal with one side of his personality and his mistress the other.

There's also a certain kinkiness hidden in the Capricorn's personality. It doesn't have to do with various positions, exotic accoutrements, etc. It has more to do with playing a few taboo masculine roles like simulating rape or incest, playing High Priest or Dark Official during sexual religious rites, or having sex with multiple women or prostitutes at the same time. Again, what's the point of repression if there's nothing to repress?

He's Emotionally Aloof. Does he want a relationship or not? Is he interested in you sexually? Is he in love or does he just barely tolerate you? It's hard to tell with this stoic man. Although it's tough to see on the surface, he does have feelings—quite a lot of them, actually, and they all run deep. His heart is remarkably fragile, and when he falls in love he does so with such abandon that it terrifies him; however, there's a good chance that the object of his affection knows little about his feelings for her.

One of the reasons for his lack of demonstrativeness is that he's always holding out for something better to come along and he doesn't want to make any commitment before he's sure that his lover is as good as he'll get. He enjoys the freedom of being able to move from one woman to another, even if it tears him apart. Being born under the sign of repression means that he's continually fluctuating between extravagant displays and total emotional detachment.

In order to find out how this man is feeling, it will probably be necessary to poll the people closest to him, and you can expect to get a small piece of the puzzle from each. He'll only rarely tell you outright, and any attempt to force it out of him will be met by either withdrawal or with an explosion of anger. Even after sex, his emotions are difficult to determine, and he's one of those men who will talk about previous relationships more than his current one without any regard as to which is more important or dedicated.

He's Practical. Each action is carefully thought out and every consequence examined in each facet. The Capricorn male is rational and practical; his life is measured and ambitious. His extreme practicality is a method of hiding his sometimes bizarre inner life and it also serves as a way to minimize the effects of his impulsive tendencies, which can devastate his finances and relationships.

Measuring every quality of his lover before forming any commitments can be a blow to his partner's pride. It is, however, a habitual Capricorn trademark. When he does commit, it's with the understanding that he'll leave if someone better comes along. Often, he attempts to soften the impact of this by telling his partner that she has the same option. The perpetual social climber, he prefers to marry for money and status rather than love, although if he stumbles upon the embodiment of his ideals (usually someone naïve and wholesome), he'll be willing to lessen the financial expectations somewhat—especially if his own situation is stable.

Although his approach to sex is practical, he has more than the normal amount of fetishes and far-out fantasies. His practical nature gets in the way of his sexual expression as he is bound by what he feels he is and is not allowed to do in bed. Eventually, this unspent energy has to go somewhere, and he'll either find himself in another woman's bed or drowning in substance abuse. His traditional mindset, the prescribed roles for women, his all-important social standing all link together to make it nearly impossible for him to find a mate who's as in to unusual sex as he is; although, he's infinitely happier if he's able to make such a connection.

Sex with a Capricorn Male

Being made of cardinal earth, this man is more than likely extremely good in bed. When not engaged in his aforementioned kinkier acts, he likes straight sex without the frills—on the surface, anyway. He has some naughtier inclinations that he might not feel comfortable having the "traditional woman" he's chosen to partner with satisfy. (Doing so would detract from her wholesome appearance.) He enjoys pleasuring his partner, taking firm command of her body. Capricorns tend to be born with the sexual knowledge of an experienced middle-aged man. As long as he isn't one of those deeply repressed or traditional Capricorns who tend to expect his partner to please or stimulate him rather than doing any of the work himself, he will take most of the accountability for the caliber of the sex in his relationships, using his ability to delay his own orgasms to both his and his partner's advantage.

He's often attracted to other men because they possess qualities he wishes he himself had. With his general confusion about the metaphysics of sex, he can turn this attraction or appreciation into sexual energy, wishing to be a part of the other man through sexual means in order to somehow share in his glory. Because of his typically traditional values, such feelings can leave him traumatized and distraught about his masculinity, and drive him to pursue ever more female conquests or religious purifications.

It's rare for the Capricorn to have a sexual experience that isn't well thought out beforehand—even his affairs are planned. Because sex has a lot of traditional and religious meanings, the Capricorn cannot and will not take it lightly, although he may take his relationships for granted. For this reason, sex with him can feel like a solemn event, full of dark looks and ritualism and lacking in any positive or joyous emotion. When his oppressive air is coupled with his tendency to cheat, the Capricorn's worst enemy is himself and his partners have a high risk of suffering negative emotional consequences simply for being involved with him.

Preferred Games

The Metrosexual. He knows how to dress to play his role to its best advantage. His shirt, pants, shoes, and woman are all in style and look fabulous draped around him. He's desperately interested in social status, and seeks ways of outdoing every other man in the room—he doesn't really take the competition from women very seriously. Everything is designed and arranged to best suit him and his ambitions; he isn't afraid to marry purely for money or status.

The Zealot. Whichever religion he chooses—probably the most popular one in his area—he's absolutely certain of its truth. He brings piety to a new level, and you'll find him in church whenever they'll let him in. Religion gives him a ready-made list of rules and restrictions, and an explanation for why each and every one of them is necessary and what to do to absolve himself of any indiscretion he commits. He won't always stick to the sexual rules prescribed to him, but he will at least feel guilty each time he violates them.

The Man. He's the man, and that means he's in charge. He's the breadwinner, wears the pants in the family, and makes all the major decisions. He can be as stubborn as an unruly child when he doesn't get his way, and he actually stomps his foot and pouts, perhaps even knocking over a few plates, until you give in. He firmly believes that women are scatter-brained, petty, catty, childlike people, who are there for his pleasure and should come and go at his command. He can be persuaded by them, sure, but only because he enjoys spoiling them and making them giggle. The truth is that he doesn't like competition and by undermining over half the population, he removes over half of his challengers.

The Master. As already noted, the Capricorn male loves being in charge and some of his favorite sexual fantasies involve playing the masculine role in some inappropriate sexual situation. He loves being in full control of his partner, and having her either obey his every command, or be in such a scenario where she has no choice but to acquiesce, such as blindfolded and gagged. When he plays with BDSM, there are no safe words involved. Playing with experienced, "well-worn" women makes these games easier in the end, and he isn't above hiring help.

The Corrupter. Few things meet his egotistical, misogynistic needs like corrupting someone who already has a higher status and is purer of thought and body. He enjoys wealthy, naïve women to whom he can introduce sex, drugs, and the dark side of society. Orchestrating an aristocrat's fall from grace, and being the maestro of her descent, is intoxicating for him and helps him affirm some of his beliefs that women should act as he thinks they should, or suffer the consequences.

What He Needs to Learn About Sex

Mr. Capricorn needs to find a means of strengthening his confidence out of the bedroom before he decides to bring his ego into bed with him. His traditional views of women can place undue restriction on both him and his partner, and true emotional fulfillment in a relationship occurs when both people are equal and equally appreciated. He would also benefit from learning how to experience joy in sex. Meditation and concentration on physical sensations rather than intellectual consequences could help him here, especially if the exercises are done with a partner he respects and cherishes.

Photo: Photographer Ross Halfin

[diveronarpg]

Congratulations, ASH! You’ve been accepted for the role of CLEOPATRA. Admin Jen: I am someone who is completely enthralled by Cleopatra, both as a historical figure and a Shakespeare character. So I have to admit, I had big expectations but, Ash, you completely surpassed them! God, I can’t even express how over the moon I am about this application. Your take on Calina was thrilling to read and pick apart; from the intriguing comparisons you drew between her and her iconic historical counterpart, to the beautiful references to Cleopatra’s history and the poetic tragedy of her story, to the amazing character analysis you explored in the Extras section. These intricacies complimented your deep understanding of Calina, bringing your portrayal to life and making it wholly yours. Your passion for her really shines through and it was a beautiful sight to behold! We can’t wait to see the Queen on the dash! Please read over the checklist and send in your blog within 24 hours.

WELCOME TO THE MOB.

Out of Character

Alias | Ash

Age | 24

Preferred Pronouns | She/Her

Activity Level | Still a working gal, so I’m def still limited to nights and weekends. But y’all know I hardly leave Discord so I’m always about to plot.

Timezone | EST

Current/Past RP Accounts | Can I just… *slides tib’s account over* http://oftybalts.tumblr.com/

In Character

Character | Calina “CLEOPATRA” Sokolova.

What drew you to this character? | Cleopatra. What a woman. In both Shakespeare and in history – and while his name comes first in the play’s title, it is not Antony that gets remembered, is forever emblazoned in history, depicted in art, fashioned in costumes on halloween, celebrated as royalty, nor does he become the sole female symbol to a nation. It is her. The harlot. The seductress. The woman, who many thought did not deserve the crown to her own country.

But it is this kind of a woman that Calina is destined to become. Rising from the ashes of her past. Underestimated. Unbowed. And ultimately unbroken.

If so, the stars wouldn’t have written it that she be found in that alleyway by her adoptive mother. She wouldn’t have made it out of that brothel when she’d lost all else – her possessions, her pride, her hope. She wouldn’t have been found by Damiano and Faron and brought into the Montague fold. She was fated to be much more than a forgotten princess. She was fated to be the queen of an empire – and this is something she never allowed herself to forget again. It is this resilience that brings me to adore Calina so much. Where circumstance after circumstance forged against her was intended to make her wilt as well, she withstood. There’s a pain to that, a realness to that. These reasons make Calina not only a marvel, but an inspiration. As is her Shakespearean counterpart. When the Romans threatened to take the very empire that was her birthright, Cleopatra used the desire, she was so condemned for to create one of the most infamous political strongholds in history, to not only to save her crown but her country and her people as well. Has it not been said that the lily of the valley is the flower that blooms in spite of the darkness? There is no other soft-petaled thing that could depict Calina Sokolova more, though, it’s known she’d rather not be compared to such gentle ideals – she’s much more than that.

What also drew me to this character was the opportunity to find the balance between Cleopatra and Calina, identify the connections between their stories and personalities until they became one. What I love about Cleopatra as a person and a character manifested in Calina, is that she is the epitome of versatility. She is not so simple as to pigeonhole her into one category, one type of woman – as she is many – and she’d sooner sneer at anyone who thought her so one-dimensional. She is the prim scholar, the cultured savant, the coquettish minx, the charming socialite, the strategic tactician, the grateful soldier. There’s a quote I’ve come across and saved as inspiration – ““How many women are you,” he asked. “A legion,” I said” – and if I had to pick a sole defining string of words for my girl, it’d be this one. She’s willing to transform, adapt to whatever situation she might find herself in, an arsenal of personas at her disposal. It’s a skill that not many can master, but she does it with unfaltering grace and glamour as she’s traded her rags for foreign riches. She is every bit feline, perched high above the rest, tail swishing as she surveys and assesses before pouncing from her vantage point. A chessmaster, out-maneuvering and out-witting and out-strategizing the men in her midst, turning the tides into her favor. It is her femininity and willingness to utilize it that makes her underestimated, and perhaps that is her greatest weapon.

Lastly, what draws me to Calina is not only balancing her with Cleopatra, but sorting through the compiled contradictions that reside inside her head and heart. She knows what it is to love and be loved in return, but the beating bleeding thing in her chest is kept behind the gilded cage of her ribs now, as such loss and heartbreak cannot crack at her heart again, not when in the midst of war. Gentle things feel brittle against her skin, and yet brutality causes her to recoil in distaste. She despises those who lack loyalty, looks upon those of vicious tendency with suspicion, but cannot bring herself to be trustful of others as she wishes to observe such savagery and perhaps tailor a bit of it to suit her own purposes. She’s aligned herself with people who do despicable things all before breakfast, and yet she still has the energy to pettily turn up her nose at them all the same for it. She possesses an open mind, but tends to be unyielding and uncompromising when it comes to what she knows, casting her own judgements and aligning her logic only by her own side unless someone is in agreement with her. Hers is a superior intelligence, she knows, a quiet and sophisticated thing. She might be called shrewd or callous for the ruthless plans she might devise, the manipulations she’s deemed necessary, but it is important to note that Calina Sokolova is no more good than she is bad. Sure her origins are questionable, and her motives unknown by most, but she is not a villain – she is simply a woman trying to survive in the mess that men have so brutishly created and come out above it all. A woman trying to reclaim the second chance at life that she’d snatched from the Fates before they could sever it with cruel jagged scissors – because she deserved it. A woman trying to gain all the things she’d lost and then some. She hadn’t come to Verona seeking a throne or a crown, exactly, but if it fits…she’ll gladly rest it atop her head.

What is a future plot idea you have in mind for the character? | Where do you see this character developing, and what kind of actions would you have them take to get there? 3 future plot ideas would be preferable.

BUT SHE MAKES HUNGRY, WHERE SHE MOST SATISFIES | “A woman’s authority spelled a man’s deception.” It’s a quote I’ve crossed multiple times when doing research and looking for inspiration for Cleopatra. It alluded to the Roman narrative that had deemed her an enchantress, condemned by the men around her for her tempting ‘magic’ leading to the eventual demise of their greatest leaders. If only they knew that love was the reason, that their desire for her far outweighed reason, that being so foolish to let heart lead over head was their true downfall. But through the years, through her observation and careful practice, Calina has seen just how powerful of a sin lust can be – it’s not one of the seven deadliest for no reason. Guilty of strategizing her sexuality, she has used such wiles to obtain things that she had no money or status to simply ask for. When faced with her greatest obstacles, the hailed Queen of the Nile utilized her tactical mind as her greatest weapon too, and with forming such advantageous alliances was able to reap benefits she would never have been able to so much as grasp if so stubborn to work alone. She utilized love to shackle Rome’s greatest leader, affections to keep the independence of her country and hold an army between her fingertips. I would love nothing more than for Calina to utilize the strategy of her namesake, forge alliances of the unlikely kind, relationships of mutual benefit. Perhaps a faithless Capulet willing to build a bridge that might support her plans, her goals. Maybe even higher ranking Montagues who sat closer to the throne she so wants to sit prettily upon. ( Bonus points if such an alliance is romantic in nature. )

ETERNITY WAS IN OUR LIPS AND EYES | In history, it was a known fact that Cleopatra was led by her mind, while betraying her heart and sacrificing being with her beloved for the sake of the bigger picture. I strongly believe that Calina mirrors Cleopatra in that very aspect, her logical, analytical mind pushing her heart to the side more often than not. I hope to explore the matters of Calina’s head and heart, as they are both such fickle vitals within her. As a woman who is often led by one while prone to befalling the whispers of the other, there’s often a lot of inner turmoil inside of her. Far more used to being desired, she’s almost lost sight of what actual love should look like – though, she’d be a liar if she said it wasn’t the kind of passion and all-consuming intensity she craved deep down, the thing of fiction novels and foreign films. But she knows love has no place in war, knows she’d sooner die than find something so true, as it is often a tool forged to destroy pawns and capitalize on cruelly as leverage. Life has taught her that to love greatly means even greater loss, and she doesn’t know if she’s ready to lose again after just grabbing the reins back on her life. So she knows in her quest for power, that she must ignore the affectionate leanings she’s so inclined towards to fill such a gapingly empty hole inside of her. She is not void of fondness and she is not without her feelings (as much as she’d like to be), but it’ll come down to it when she has to ask herself which one does she want more, which one is more important: love and meaningful connection or power. A tender heart or a gilded crown? Or will clever Cleopatra find a way to have both?

THE THRONE OF OUR QUEEN IS EMPTY | Aligning herself with those that will protect her, benefit her most is Calina’s modus operandi. Distrustful of many aside from herself, Calina, ever the cynic, knows that you must be vigilant as snakes reside in the very grass she stands in. She still waits for the day that Faron might decide to collect his debt that he’d used to free her from the proverbial chains that kept her shackled to that brothel. Still waits for Damiano to name his price for extracting her to Verona. Never the type to bite the hand that feeds her, Calina is a willing and dutiful soldier, knowing that this is a prized opportunity, that not many are so fortunate to be plucked from the gutter and reincarnated as a new deity, given a new form, a new life. But she knows what desperation is like, and it tastes like bile at the back of her tongue, a lingering flavor that she wishes if only to rid herself of forever. She knows now what the elite tastes like, sweet and decadent like caramel, what it feels like, soft and rich like cashmere, and she’d be damned if she goes back to the streets of Russia she’d been made to merely exist in. Clinging to her new status is what she values most, and so she wants to rise in the ranks, secure her place in Damiano’s eyes. He has heard the stories, the words whispered about her unmatched mind, and she wishes to show him just what she can do for the Montagues. Her eyes are on an Emissary title (for now), not too keen, and far too ambitious to resort to taking orders as a mere soldier for long. But she knows her time will come – she’ll make sure of it. (And I want to see just how much she’s willing to do to achieve it.)

SHOULD YOU EVER COMPARE CAESAR WITH ANTONY | I believe I’m most excited to develop Calina’s connection with Alexander. It interests me because now that I’ve gotten acquainted with Alexander, he carries himself like the warrior Antony was, but his mind is what I know will intrigue Calina most, as she isn’t impressed with a show of muscle and brute strength (though it is entirely nice to view). He’s cunning and as sharp as the knife-carved curve of his grin, and it is this intelligence and drive that shows me shadows of Caesar in him. It is written that Caesar was truly a well-match for Cleopatra as they were intellectual equals, a power couple of sorts as they were ruled by their ambitious minds and worked through their mutually beneficial alliance together. So I’d love to see what kind of pair Calina and Alexander might make, where her intrigue of him will take her.

Are you comfortable with killing off your character? | It would crush me to kill my queen, but of course, if to propel the plot forward, I approve her demise, and it must be as grand and as poetic and as ironic of a death that Cleopatra deserves. If we got some snakes, that’d be greaaaat.

In Depth

In-Character Interview: The following questions must be answered in-character, and in para form (quotations, actions written out if applicable, etc). There is no minimum or maximum limit for your response - simply answer as you would if you were playing the character.

What is your favorite place in Verona?

She can answer the negative to this question rather than the positive. But such is customary of the cynic, is it not? She sees herself seated across from a Capulet counterpart, and only prays to the gods above that her discomfort does not shine through the darkness of her eyes. She sees the velveteen interior, she sees the girls scantily clad and palms itching, she sees Verona’s elite, their fingers offering silver and gold and the lights that have dimmed from the girls’ eyes suddenly returns if for a moment. She can’t see that last bit, but she knows because there was once a time when that had been her. She too had been the girl, glad to serve clients if only to receive payment enough to bring her closer to repayment of her debts. The Dark Lady only reminds her of a past she not only wishes to leave in the tattered pages of her history, but it’s one that needs to remain there, something of the past, a scar that had healed over finally.

“The Capital Library, of course.” Her gaze had been down, examining the pastel shade she’s chosen for her manicured hand, only for that that same hand to make a sweeping gesture, urging the journalist to cast their eyes upon even the furthest corners of her sitting room.  Books, books and more books stacked neatly on shelves, perched precariously against the edges of tables, some lovingly dog-eared so she might not lose her page, others with delicate scribbles in the margins. Texts of new and old. Of the language Verona knows, and in tongues it does not. Her mind was a vast canvas, and reading is not only her solace, but the only way she might paint against it, knowledge of all kinds hanging themselves like masterpieces inside that pretty head of hers. So it’s only with a genuine spark in her tone that she continues, “There is hardly a scent I adore more than that of books.” A pause, a dainty tip of her head, the slightest tug to her lips, “Aside from medovik, of course…” She thinks then of Faron, who’d undoubtedly had a box with a slice of the delectable honey cake from their motherland left on her desk the other day. Once more, she can’t help as sentiment knocks at the door, awaiting answer, as he remembers details so minute, but she doesn’t let it in.

What does your typical day look like?

“Well–” Calina begins, eyes flitting up towards the ceiling in thought, one leg brought up to cross primly over the other, the gilded metallic G of her Gucci suede pumps catching in the afternoon light. “Waking up so horrendously early cannot seem to escape my routine.” She was forged into a creature of the night, nearly hissing as the sun’s rays would break through her curtains each morning. But she has since learned to become one with the day, after hating it for so long, detesting the sun for daring to rise when her world had descended into darkness. Nonetheless, she finds herself much preferring what happens before the sun goes down on this beautiful city. “But I do yoga, I have tea, I feed Si –” She begins her day with all things that relax her, as she knows it’ll only get more turbulent from there.

“I spend most of my day at the embassy more than I spend time here.” Cue the arrival of Osiris, her all black emperor of household, purring as he curls beneath her hand, starved from her affections as her day and night jobs keep her from their home far more than he appreciated. A jealous little thing, he was – not wanting to share his mum with anyone. “Much to this one’s displeasure,” she coos, picking up the cat, holding him tenderly to her chest. “Isn’t that right, darling?” A tinkling laugh slips past charming lips, mouth momentarily pressing to onyx fur to conceal the humor that curved her smile, “Though, I must say, my day only takes a turn for the boring from there. I meet with a few associates, and it’s instantly into interpreter mode.” She leans in then, as if sharing with them a hushed secret, “I’ll be lucky if I speak English for any amount of time.”  A sigh of feigned disappointment escapes her, only for her to continue, “–and then…I suppose I come back here. Have a little dinner, a little wine. Only to rest and do it all over again the next morning.” It all sounds so trivial, and that is with good reason. There is no need for the darling journalist to be brought out of his ignorance of her true purpose here in fair Verona.

What has been your biggest mistake thus far?

A cant of her head, a knowing smile, “Do I look like a woman who makes mistakes?”

Miscalculations were a rarity with someone as careful, as cautious and as well-thought as Calina. But even she is prone to human error – not that the man who was seated across from her needed to know such a thing. Know that she was something mortal and not entirely godly. So, her lips purse as she waits, a finger idly brushing across her cupid’s bow – whether it’s deliberate, is not something you have to ask, as she intends to draw the eye there to the inviting part of her lips.

He pauses, chest rising with an inhale, the words seemingly teetering on the edge of his tongue unable to fall out, but he musters a shake of his head at her inquiry. He doesn’t think so. “Smart boy,” is her coy response, a flash of a wink in accompaniment, so quick if you blinked you’d probably miss it.

What has been the most difficult task asked of you? (tw: illusions of sexual assault)

It wasn’t asked. That was the problem.

To be asked would mean she was being gifted courtesy wrapped in a bow. To be asked would mean she’d be granted choice, the ability to accept or decline, to return or exchange with a receipt. But no – the most difficult task for Calina Solokova to face was demanded of her. (If she wanted to eat, if she wanted somewhere to sleep, if she wanted to live.)

It happened in the shadows where no one could see, perhaps it was best that way so the crystalline tears that treaded down her cheeks would never be seen by the light of day. It’s a memory pushed so far to the recess of her mind, she almost cannot recall all the details these days. But she remembers her face had been stony, still, unmoving, unaffected. The man nameless, faceless as he pushes crimson silk from her lithe frame, as his calloused fingertips touched her without an ounce of knowledge as to what kind of jewel he was holding.

Her lips press together tightly, she feels the matte texture of her lipstick between them. She pauses so she might think, might craft the correct response. It’s then that she decides playing a part might suit her well here. A breath of a laugh, a feigned bashful tuck of her hair behind her ear, “My mind’s certainly drifted, hasn’t it. What was the question again?” A fluttering of lashes, a softened, apologetic smile – the journalist is gracious enough to skip this question, and she thanks him with a deliberate touch to the top of his palm, feather light and barely there.

What are your thoughts on the war between the Capulets and the Montagues?

“War,” she scoffs, the sound gentle but her disdain carrying loud and clear.  

Piercing eyes narrow, the winged tip of her kol liner sharpened like the point of an arrow. “It’d be just like men to start something so barbaric with no end in mind.” To her it was illogical, to waste time, resource and more importantly energy, on the maintenance of a petty feud. There is nothing worth fighting for, she’s realized, if not for love or for power. And she liked to think the Montagues and Capulets fought for neither. There were by far better things than to focus on – the creation of empires, the falling of others, she thinks.

“It’s primitive. Dated. If they want to continue on in this matter they might as well fight over Twitter about it.” Another pause. Her fingertips coming to her lips, as if the words had come out too soon before she could stop them, “But, you didn’t hear me say that either.”

Extras: If you have anything else you’d like to include (further headcanons, an inspo tag, a mock blog, etc), feel free to share it here! This is OPTIONAL.

PINTEREST BOARD

QUOTES:

“How many women are you? he asked. A legion, I said.”

“BELLADONNA, n. In Italian a beautiful lady; in English a deadly poison. A striking example of the essential identity of the two tongues.” – Ambrose Bierce

“Men love me cause I’m pretty – and they’re always afraid of mental wickedness – and men love me cause I’m clever, and they’re always afraid of my prettiness – One or two have even loved me cause I’m lovable, and then, of course, I was acting. But you just do, darling –” – Zelda Fitzgerald

“She is her own heroine—capricious, exacting, exquisite, very learned, and beautifully dressed.” — Virginia Woolf

“She’s a very mysterious creature, with an open smile and a closed soul.” — Colette, from a letter to Madame Léopold Marchand

“She carries herself like a god. She is a composed ocean of waves that could become turbulent if you test her.”

HEADCANONS:

TV TROPES: Brainy Brunette, Silk Hiding Steel, Broken Bird, Femme Fatale, The Chessmaster, Passive-Aggressive Aggression, I Have Many Names, The Charmer, Ice Queen, Faux Affably Evil, All Girls Are Lustful, Honey Trap

CHARACTER INSPO: Catwoman / Selina Kyle (Batman), Hathor (Gods of Egypt), Commander Lexa (The 100)

AESTHETICS: She’s fur trimmed coats and heels as high as her standards. She’s a touch as warm as a crackling fire with a stare as icy as the country from which she hails. Chin tipped up proudly as she balances a gilded crown no one can see but knows is resting atop her head. Her voice is like honey, and her laughter like wisps of smoke, tendrils floating airily above ruby-painted lips. Piercing eyes assessing and calculating, who might she charm next with the knowledge carved into the walls of her mind like hieroglyphs? The answer is: everyone.

Her mother Tatiana Sokolova was a widow and school teacher. Her husband, Mischa, died long before she could conceive a child. It was his only wish, his only hope, that they’d grow their little family in Irkutsk, that one day he’d drive his truck route through the snow long enough for them to have enough money to move to St. Petersburg. It’s a dream he never got to see into fruition, God knows they tried their best, but Tatiana always felt that she’d failed him. It’s why she’d prayed so hard, why she’d wish upon every star, why she’d memorize the scriptures until she knew them by heart, because if she prayed to her gods and believed hard enough – miracles could happen. And when her little miracle did happen, Tatiana only wished that he was around to see Calina grow, see her excel – he would have been proud of her, the woman always said.

They say curiosity killed the cat, and despite knowing that fact, Calina grew up ever curious into her original background. While she never sought for her parents, she did seek answers about her heritage, her ancestry. Taking a test, she finds that her roots lie in the motherland of Africa’s tip and in the desert sands of the Middle East – it’s only logical then that she learn Arabic, that she research the customs of such drastically different cultures, if only to feel closer and more immersed into them. One of her many dreams: to visit both Egypt and Morocco one day.

Showing the early signs of a cerebral child, a gifted child, reading was always little Calina’s favorite thing to do, always by far more excited than her classmates to get the summer’s reading list. She was the type of child who would live in the library if she could, taking out stacks of books only to return them by the week’s end because she’d finished them all, and even went through a few of them twice. It’s a habit she could hardly shake well into adulthood, as the Montagues have now become accustomed to finding her beneath the ornate embellishments of headquarters if she is missing for any period of time. To her, there is no shortage of knowledge, only fools claim to know it all. (But let’s not mistake, she knows by far more than the rest do.)

Her mother showed her how to do everything, Calina acting as her permanent shadow as she trailed behind her. She knows how to cook the perfect solyanka because she’s hovered over her mother’s shoulder while she stood at the stove. She knows how to knit her own scarf, because her mother only seemed to have the energy to calmly knit as she got sicker and sicker, and she’d help her knit-one and pearl-two when her bony fingers couldn’t go on anymore. She knew how to tend to chamomile, if only to brew the delicate flowers into steaming soothing tea, because her mother watered and sang to her plants religiously at the windowsill, and she’d do the same. She learned Ukrainian because that was her mother’s second tongue, almost spoken in their home more than Russian.

Her interests are vast and varied – a modern Renaissance woman. Languages are only the beginning. She enjoyed mathematics, was fascinated by history and geography, and marveled constantly at art. Growing and learning, she couldn’t put a finger on her favorite subjects, as she only wished to consume as much knowledge as she could.

When she does make it to Novosibirsk, Calina goes straight into state university, with the hopes to secure a job once her certificate was in her hand. She studies Linguistics, with the hopes to become a translator, maybe one day able to work for government agencies in her country or across the globe – the United Nations was one dream, among many. But she soon learned that dreaming was for the naive. Due to the illness of her mother, and no one to care for her, she has no choice but to drop out of school, and uses the remaining funds from her tuition payments to take care of hospital bills, their rent, and an decidedly ornate urn when her mother eventually passes. Her ashes are floating through the depths of the Baltic Sea by now.

A brilliant linguist she becomes, with a talent for rapid language acquisition, Calina is skilled in six languages: her native Russian, English, Ukrainian, Bulgarian, Arabic and Italian most recently due to her new ‘business’ ventures.

She alludes some her knowledge to her lovers. Sometimes her customers were sweet, in the exchange for her affection they’d wish to bring her gifts – all she’d ask for was information. A new language to learn, a new book to absorb, a new code for her mind to crack. She learns Bulgarian from Stanislav, as he purred it her ear until she could purr it back. Dariya, her favorite, shows her that English is not as difficult as she thinks, leaving her poems from authors even greater than herself. Is brought hardcover books with gilded spines and Arabic lines from Adrik, and she’d lift his delicate round spectacles so she might press her lips to his eyelids. It was her little way of making better of the horrid situation she found herself trapped in.

It had become an inherent part of her, a subconscious thing for a girl like Calina, to analyze and categorize those she interacts with according to a specific criteria, especially so once she was inducted into the Montague ranks. When she encountered someone new, she’d ask herself a series of questions that would determine their suitability of her attention: What can I gain in this relationship? What can this person give me? Most importantly, will I be willing to part with them if need be?

Dependency is her greatest fear. To live in a world where she cannot save herself, where at every turn a man will be there to rescue her, is not one she can see herself existing in. Which is why she’s more than keen to learn how to better defend herself, how to better weaponize herself and stay protected. But she’s yet to voice such desires, waiting to see who she might best employ to assist her.

Currently, she calls the Verona embassy her second home, more time spent there than beneath the roof of her own apartment. She serves as a translator for foreign dignitaries, her charm and clear command of language makes her shine at meetings to discuss ranges of topics, from foreign policy and international trade to criminal justice and matters of Verona’s security. It’s a strategic move on Damiano’s part to place her there, to be the eyes, ears, and soothing guiding voice of influence that is necessary as far as local and international governments are concerned. It’s no secret her mind cannot be resisted, and it makes all the better for the Montagues to have friends in such high places.

ARCHETYPES:

45% INTELLECTUAL – Thriving on intellectual pursuit, with a defining grace of wisdom, the Intellectual is the ultimate dinner-party guest. Engaging questions and thoughtful debate are their trademarks. They are your sages – imparting their wise words only learned through time and experience. The Intellectuals can be your scientists – juggling a plethora of ideas in their minds, willing to listen and engage in conversation so long as it properly stimulates their intellect. They are your scholars, your polymaths – brimming with bright curiosity for all aspects of life, collecting knowledge in all its forms. But they can also be your judges – masterful arbitrators, sharp and impartial, slicing through the heart of matters to create balance.

35% PERFORMER – Center stage. In the spotlight. Entertaining and exuberant. Flourishing in the face of attention and applause. The Performers are your provocateurs – walking sirens, with charm and unabashed sensuality on their side. They can get anyone to do anything for them with just the right string of words, the right look, the right touch. They are the pretenders, the seducers – dishonesty is a language they speak well, using it to sway the foolish into giving them their hearts. Nothing is as it seems, as they keep you on your toes, teasing you with portions of themselves instead of the whole. But living on the shallow surface can only go so far when it comes to real relationships.

20% ROYAL – Driven by power. On a constant quest to bask in entitlement and luxury. The Royals are your networkers – with esteem, power, charm and more importantly hundreds of contacts at their disposal, they can work any room and cozy up to the power players in it with ease to help push their agendas. They are your queens – ultimate conveyors of grace and elegance, with the ability to lead as examples, empowering those around them (especially women) to succeed. But they can also be your politicians – people-oriented, excellent communicators, with an innate talent for leadership and influence, they firmly understand that their jobs would be nothing without the alliances they can make.

DARK CORE PERSONALITY TEST:

20.11% Darker than the Average Person

TOP DARK TRAITS

MACHIAVELLIANISM (87%) – “Manipulativeness, callous affect, and a strategic, calculating orientation.”

SELF-INTEREST (80%) – “The unprincipled pursuit of gains in socially valued domains, such as material goods, social status, recognition, achievement, and success.”

EGOISM (80%) – “Excessive concern with one’s own pleasure or advantage at the expense of community well-being.”

[portraitoftheoddity]

Ik this is out of the blue, but if you wanna talk about Loki I have a question. I'm having trouble writing him because he seems to always do things that are contrary to what he wants. He wants Thor to love him so he... Constantly betrays Thor and tries to kill him. It's difficult to get potential friends/love interests past the barbed wire fence he's put around himself. I was wondering what you think of that? Because I just really like hearing you talk about Loki. If you want.

*cracks knuckles* Awwwww, yesssss, here is my jam.

(I’ll be focusing on MCU!Loki here as comics!Loki hasn’t been stabbing Thor all that much lately so I’m guessing he’s not the subject of this ask.)

You’ve already touched on a really core component of Loki’s character, anon, which is that he is a great big mess of Contradictions with a capital C. He wants to be loved. He wants to be feared. He wants to destroy and he wants to be a savior. He wants the throne, and he just wants to be an equal. His methods and actions often seem at odds with his stated desires and goals. And for all that he’s depicted as the ‘god of chaos’ because of the results of his villainy, you could just as easily make an argument for the chaos being internal.

Frigga, who probably knows Loki best of anyone, makes a very poignant observation when she notes that Loki is “always so perceptive about everyone but [himself].” And I think this gets at the core of Loki’s character in a lot of ways – After having his world fall apart from under him in the first Thor movie, Loki has no idea who he is, what his role is, or what he wants. And in that state of conflict, he’s prone to undermining himself at every turn. He ‘wants’ to take over the Earth, but then forms a strategy for the invasion that’s easily thwarted. He ‘wants’ to be loved by his family, but constantly pushes them away. Possibly because he’s so angry and bitter that spite motivates him more than his own best interests. Possibly because he has a lot of self loathing (“I’m the monster parents tell their children about at night”) and subconsciously punishes himself. And possibly because he’s terrified of successfully getting what he thinks he wants and still being unhappy – which… given his plan in Thor did successfully get Thor out of the way and Loki on the throne and still wound up being one of the worst weeks in his life, is a rather understandable fear. He also seems to be acting out of fear anytime someone gets too close and is in a position to help him, as Loki subsequently turns on them almost defensively, like he’s trying to pre-empt any betrayal they might inflict on him by inflicting it on them first (See: “Sentiment.” / “You’re not.” / “Easier to let it burn.”)

A notable constant in Loki’s characterization is that he craves attention. So much of his bitterness comes from being constantly eclipsed by Thor his whole life, and feeling unseen (“I remember a shadow”). In Avengers, Tony recognizes that Loki is “a full-tilt diva.” At his trial in The Dark World, Loki is all about putting on a show of snark and bravado, because even negative attention is still attention – and while Odin gives him the satisfaction of yelling at him, his sentencing is a cruel outcome for Loki, since he’s imprisoned and left to be forgotten; something far worse, to him, than the drama of a public execution. We see this love of attention even more in Ragnarok, where he’s obviously indulging in making statues and plays commemorating himself, and then working his way into the Grandmaster’s inner circle. Whether he’s loved or hated, Loki is desperate not to be ignored.  

And I think that need for attention plays into a lot of his antagonism of Thor. He resents Thor for monopolizing what feels to Loki like a finite amount of love and attention in the universe. But he loves Thor all the same, as his brother and as a fixture in Loki’s life. And if he betrays Thor over and over and hurts him and gets Thor to hate him – well, it’s not as good as love, but love is almost too good to hope for and feels too fragile and ephemeral to someone with Loki’s insecurities. If he can’t count on Thor’s love, he’ll bet on his hate, because either is better than indifference. (Which is ultimately why Thor’s show of indifference toward Loki’s betrayals in Ragnarok is so damn effective – Thor not caring one way or the other is the worst outcome for Loki, and something that drives him to make a change after his plan obviously backfired.)

Another notable aspect of Loki is the degree to which he adheres to narrative roles. In the first Thor, Loki tries to be the hero – the one who kills the monsters and saves Asgard by ending the war with the frost giants, once and for all. This backfires horribly and he’s told that no, he did wrong; he realizes he’s the villain of his story, and then embraces the villainy – because if he’s gonna be the bad guy, then he’s gonna go all out when it comes to filling that role. If he’s the monster, then he’ll be monstrous. So the Loki we see in Avengers has decided that fuck it, if everyone is going to expect the worst of him, then he will be The Worst™, and be it with style. This creates something of a reinforced feedback loop, where Loki acts like a villain, people expect villainy of him, and Loki plays to their expectations.

He gets to break out of that loop in some ways early in Ragnarok, when he’s ‘dead’ and able to change the narrative around himself. As “Odin,” he reshapes his [Loki’s] story into that of a hero, and not a villain. Everyone expects him to be Odin, not Loki, so with no expectations of villainy on him, he behaves…. Well, a bit selfishly, totally hedonistically, and a little negligently, but not particularly villainously or maliciously. He slides back into that villain role for a while on Sakaar (he gets almost performatively villainous when Bruce shows up – I think, again, playing to the expectations of his audience), but then Thor challenges him to do better, to be different, to break out of that role.

Interestingly enough, Loki still adheres to a narrative role at the end, but it’s the one he actually wanted from the start, which is that of ‘Asgard’s Savior’ – the role he wanted when he tricked Laufey, the role he gave himself in his plays, and the way he’s actually wanted to be seen all along. Loki may not want to be a hero for selfless, altruistic reasons – but he does love Asgard, however mixed his feelings are about it, and is willing to risk his life for it. And while he revels at times in playing the villain, performative villainy is more of a consolation prize he gives himself for not being able to enjoy the adulation of heroism. 

Getting back to the idea of Loki not knowing what the hell he wants – ultimately, I think Loki is at his best at the end of Ragnarok because Thor challenges him directly to actually figure out what he wants and who he wants to be. Plus, Loki’s had time to calm down and heal a bit from his earlier traumas, so the betrayal and villainy he exhibits at that point is less of him lashing out in pain and fear, and more just… habit. Breaking that habit becomes a choice he’s given.  

(Side Note: If you want to read some amazing meta-textual exploration of narrative roles vis-a-vis comics!Loki, Loki: Agent of Asgard is an incredible series and well worth checking out.)

So, when it comes to writing Loki – I think a lot of your characterization is going to be dependent on which point of Loki’s story you’re setting your fic in. Thor-era Loki who is having an identity crisis and lashing out near-mindlessly, frightened and angry and desperate to be the hero? Avengers-era Loki, who has decided he’s going to embrace being a monster and wear his monstrosity like armor before anyone can use it against him? Dark World-era Loki, who is bitter and desperate not to be forgotten forever in the bowels of Asgard’s dungeons? Or Ragnarok Loki, who has realized he doesn’t have to be universally reviled and has the ability to change his own story, if he can get the hell out of his own damn way for five minutes?  He goes through a lot of changes, and a lot of different traumas that affect him differently. So considering your setting is important.

Another thing to think about is what does your Loki want, and what does Loki think he wants? A great narrative arc can involve getting Loki to actually realize what his success means, and whether or not he’d find any joy in it (“satisfaction is not in my nature”) – and what, on the other hand, might actually make him happy.

Regarding Loki’s relationships with other characters – you’re right that it’s tricky, what with the walls Loki puts up, and how prickly he can be. Loki’s response to having his trust shattered in Thor was to pretty much quit trusting anybody, so you’ll have to think about how that other character earns his trust. I’ve personally enjoyed playing with the idea of another character rehabilitating Loki by expecting good of him, and leveraging Loki’s tendency to play to expectations in that way. Also, while Loki acts the way people expect him to, he also forms a lot of expectations of others, so keeping him on his toes by letting the characters around him act in ways he doesn’t predict can be a way to get under that armor. Extremes of situation such as dire peril and injury are, of course, other popular tropes for putting a walled-off character in a vulnerable position where their usual defenses are not in play. And when it comes to Loki’s satisfaction (or lack thereof) – Ragnarok Loki, when given the opportunity to play the hero instead of the villain, and the opportunity to be a part of a team instead of going it alone, ultimately seizes that opportunity. I think that speaks to the desire he has, deep down, to be loved and accepted and admired over hated and feared and lonely, which another character in your fic could tap into, with enough patience and persistence. 

Loki’s a complicated mess of a character, whose identity and motivations can be difficult to grasp, largely because his own grasp of them is so tenuous and changeable. But it also makes him a really fascinating and compelling character, with a lot of layers to explore. There’s a lot of ways to interpret him – mine is just one of many interpretations, and certainly not gospel! – and I encourage you to have fun with exploring his psychology and characterization in all its messy glory, in whatever way makes most sense to you.

[royallylena]

The grounds themselves were extraordinary. Lena had been to other treatment facilities in the past. Without disclosing her royal status however, she was able to experience some normalcy. As normal of an experience as you can have in a psychiatric treatment facility anyway. The social and pressures to live up to the standards expected of her simply didn’t exist there. And that was a feeling that Lena craved to fee so that she wouldn’t constantly have to worry about not standing up straight enough. Or fear that if she spoke her mind rather than what she was trained to say that everything would fall apart. 

Perhaps that was why she got better at the treatment facility. The normal pressures weren’t there. She was only allowed to get messages from her parents from her doctor. That was probably the only reason they were so encouraging. Because they knew their reputation of being good parents was on the line since Lena didn’t get them directly. They were putting on a show. Just like Lena did all of the time. Put on a show that she was the perfect princess. That her life wasn’t crumbling at the seams. That she was fine. 

Lena was partly surprised how she ended up at the gazebo near the lake. It was true she wasn’t walking in any particular direction, so she really could have ended up anywhere. I suppose with the chaos collecting in her mind, something as serene as the lake wasn’t the worst place to end up. Even if the lake’s usual small waves from the wind were frozen due to the freezing temperatures. With the weather she hadn’t anticipated anyone to be out this way. That even if they had broken free from the cabin fever they would have found some empty classroom to destroy. Or found some taxi to drive them into the town where liquor would warm them up one way or another. Instead she was mistaken. Proven when she noticed the figure ahead of her at the gazebo. Between the night sky and the black clothing he didn’t immediately pinpoint who it was. The familiar voice though was enough for her to recognize him. 

Learning people’s name was a social elegance that she had learnt as a young child. By remembering someone’s name it showed that person that they were important even if it were only someone that you saw on an irregular basis. It was a part of her princess training for when she went for the throne. “Cayden,” she spoke aloud, not even realizing she had done it until the name had already left his lips. Breathing out the cold air Lena continued walking, stopping so that she still wasn’t under the gazebo, but rather standing just outside it. Lena didn’t fear Cayden. They’d had a few encounters and Cayden had been relatively harmless to her. The last thing Lena wanted to do though was get herself into a situation where she would black out. In fear that she could hurt someone. That’s why she was more standoffish. “Something like that,” she spoke softly, her Polish accent apparent from her words. 

Lena x Cayden - You could have died

@impolsiveroyal

One thing that Lena hated about winter was the fact that it caused everyone to stay bundled up in their rooms. Which made it was because they got cabin fever and slowly but surely got stir crazy. And one way or another they found a way to show it. Either by acting out or becoming increasingly agitated. Lena couldn't deal with that. Being locked away in a place she barely knew was one thing. Physically forced into exilement into a single room or two however was something else. It wasn't because they had to. Lena feared that if she wandered too far that she would black out again. Lose that chunk of time and then not have any answers as to why or what even happened.

Considering she was on her fourth day of no blackouts, the small stubbornness of wanting to see more than just the same four walls made Lena decide to actually go out. She waited until the sky had darkened and it was late at night. In her mind that was filled with so much responsibility at such a young age she sometimes forgot how young people actually enjoyed sneaking out and having fun at night.

With a black thigh length jacket bundled around her to keep her warm and a pair of black boots suitable for walking, Lena made her way out of her dorm and into the night. Honestly she wasn't sure where she was going. She hadn't had a lot of time to get to know the grounds and what they had to offer. This could really be her chance to explore. As she walked further, she found herself in a forest type area. The sound of the leaves crunching beneath her feet with each step would have been enough to alert anyone to her location. Each time she breathed out she could see the chilling white breath that revealed itself on the cold air. In her mind she could hear her parents voices. "What the hell do you think you're doing? You're there to get better. You could have died". She'd heard those exact words a thousand times. After she did absolutely anything it would be followed up by chastisement. Even if it was as something as simple as drinking water. Apparently she wasn't doing it elegantly enough. It was partly what moulded her into the way she was today where she found herself struggling to fit in with the royals around her at the estate.

[focusontheeasternlightning-blog]

3. What is the difference between church life in the Age of Grace and church life in the Age of Kingdom?

Bible Verses for Reference:

“And as they were eating, Jesus took bread, and blessed it, and broke it, and gave it to the disciples, and said, Take, eat; this is my body. And he took the cup, and gave thanks, and gave it to them, saying, Drink you all of it; For this is my blood of the new testament, which is shed for many for the remission of sins” (Mat 26:26-28).

“And I went to the angel, and said to him, Give me the little book. And he said to me, Take it, and eat it up; and it shall make your belly bitter, but it shall be in your mouth sweet as honey” (Rev 10:9).

Relevant Words of God:

When, in the Age of Grace, God returned to the third heaven, God’s work of redeeming all of mankind had actually already moved into its closing act. All that remained on earth were the cross that Jesus carried, the fine linen that Jesus was wrapped in, and the crown of thorns and scarlet robe that Jesus wore (these were objects the Jews used to mock Him). That is, the work of Jesus’ crucifixion had caused an uproar for a time and then had settled down. From then on, Jesus’ disciples began to carry His work forward, shepherding and watering in the churches everywhere. The content of their work was this: to have all people repent, admit their sins, and be baptized; the apostles all spreading the inside story of Jesus’ crucifixion and what actually happened, everyone not being able to help but fall down before Jesus to admit their sins, and furthermore the apostles spreading everywhere the words Jesus spoke and the laws and commandments He established. From that point began the building of churches in the Age of Grace. … That kind of work and those words have continued to this day, and that is why what is still shared in today’s religious churches is that sort of thing and is utterly unchanged.

from “Work and Entry (6)” in The Word Appears in the Flesh

All the work done by man consists of performing his duty as a created being and is done when moved or enlightened by the Holy Spirit. The guidance that these men provide consists entirely of showing man the path of practice in daily life and how he should act in harmony with the will of God. …was to lead the way. Be the way new or old, the work was premised upon remaining within the principles of the Bible. Whether it was to restore the local church or build the local church, their work had to do with establishing churches. The work they did carried on the work that Jesus and His apostles had left unfinished or had not further developed in the Age of Grace. What they did in their work was to restore what Jesus had in His early work asked of the generations coming after Him, such as keeping their heads covered, receiving baptism, breaking bread, or drinking wine. It could be said that their work was to keep to the Bible and to seek paths within the Bible. They made no new advances of any kind. Therefore, one can see in their work only the discovery of new ways within the Bible, as well as better and more realistic practices. But one cannot find in their work the present will of God, much less find the new work that God in the last days plans to do. This is because the path they walked was still an old one; there was no renewal and no advancement. They continued to hold onto the fact of the crucifixion of Jesus, to observe the practice of asking people to repent and confess their sins, to adhere to the sayings that he who endures to the end shall be saved and that man is the head of woman, and woman must obey her husband, and even more to the traditional conception that sisters cannot preach, but only obey.

from “The Mystery of the Incarnation (1)” in The Word Appears in the Flesh

What you talk of is obsolete! It is either ascending to the throne, or preparing the stature of becoming a king; either denying the self or subduing one’s body; either being patient or learning lessons from all things; either humility or love. Is this not singing the same old tune? It’s just a case of calling the same thing by a different name! Either covering one’s head and breaking bread, or laying hands and praying, and healing the sick and casting out demons. Could there be any new work? Could there be any prospect of development?

from “Concerning Appellations and Identity” in The Word Appears in the Flesh

Pastors and leaders in the religious world, for example, rely on their gifts and positions to do their work. People who follow them for a long time will be infected by their gifts and be influenced by some of what they are. They focus on people’s gifts, abilities and knowledge, and they pay attention to some supernatural things and many profound unrealistic doctrines (of course, these profound doctrines are unattainable). They do not focus on changes to people’s disposition, but rather they focus on training people’s preaching and working abilities, improving people’s knowledge and rich religious doctrines. They do not focus on how much people’s disposition is changed or how much people understand the truth. They do not concern themselves with the substance of people, much less try to know people’s normal and abnormal states. They do not counter people’s notions or reveal their notions, much less mend their deficiencies or corruptions. Most of the people who follow them serve by their natural gifts, and what they express is knowledge and vague religious truth, which are out of touch with reality and are completely unable to confer people with life.

from “God’s Work and Man’s Work” in The Word Appears in the Flesh

Whenever such religious people congregate, they ask, “Sister, how have you been these days?” She replies, “I feel indebted to God and that I am unable to fulfill His heart’s desire.” Another says, “I, too, am indebted to God and unable to satisfy Him.” These few sentences and words alone express the vile things deep within their hearts. Such words are the most loathsome and exceedingly repugnant. The nature of such men opposes God. Those who focus on reality communicate whatever is in their hearts and open their hearts in communication. There is not a single false exercise, no civilities or empty pleasantries. They are always straightforward and observe no earthly rules. There are those who have a penchant for outward display, even without any sense. When another sings, he begins to dance, not even realizing that the rice in his pot has already burned. Such manner of men are not godly or honorable, and are far too frivolous. These are all manifestations of the lack of reality! Some gather to commune about the matters of life in the spirit, and though they speak not of indebtedness to God, they retain a true love for Him within their hearts. Your indebtedness to God has nothing to do with others; you are indebted to God, not man. So what use is it for you to constantly speak of this to others? You must place importance on entering into reality, not outward zeal or display.

from “Believing in God Should Focus on Reality, Not Religious Rituals” in The Word Appears in the Flesh

Most people place special emphasis on behavior in their belief in God, as a result of which there are changes occurring in their behavior. After believing in God, they stop contending with others, they stop fighting with people and insulting them, they stop smoking and drinking, they do not steal any public property—whether it be but a nail or a plank of wood—and they even go so far as to not take it to the courts when they suffer losses or are wronged. Without doubt, some changes do occur in their behavior. Because, after believing in God, accepting the true way makes them feel especially good, and because they have also tasted the grace of the work of the Holy Spirit, they are particularly fervent, and there is even nothing that they cannot forsake or do. Yet after having believed for three, five, ten, or thirty years—because there has been no change in their life disposition, in the end they slide back into old ways, their arrogance and haughtiness grows, and they begin to fight for power and profit, they covet the money of the church, they do anything that serves their interests, they crave status and pleasures, and they become parasites of the house of God. Most of the leaders, in particular, are abandoned. And what do these facts prove? Changes in nothing more than behavior are unsustainable. If there is no alteration in people’s life disposition, then sooner or later their wicked side will show itself.

from “The Difference Between External Changes and Changes in Disposition” in Records of Christ’s Talks

Of principal importance in following God is that everything should be according to the words of God today: Whether you are pursuing entry into life or the fulfillment of God’s will, everything should be centered around the words of God today. If what you commune and pursue are not centered around the words of God today, then you are a stranger to the words of God, and totally bereft of the work of the Holy Spirit. What God wants are people who follow His footsteps. No matter how wonderful and pure what you understood before is, God does not want it, and if you are unable to put aside such things, then they will be a tremendous obstacle to your entry in the future. All those who are able to follow the present light of the Holy Spirit are blessed. … “Following the work of the Holy Spirit” means understanding the will of God today, being able to act in accordance with the present requirements of God, being able to obey and follow the God of today, and entering in accordance with the newest utterances of God. Only this is someone who follows the work of the Holy Spirit and is in the stream of the Holy Spirit. Such people are not only capable of receiving God’s praise and seeing God, but can also know God’s disposition from the latest work of God, and can know man’s conceptions and disobedience, and man’s nature and substance, from His latest work; furthermore, they are able to gradually achieve changes in their disposition during their service. Only people such as this are those who are able to gain God, and who have genuinely found the true way.

from “Know the Newest Work of God and Follow the Footsteps of God” in The Word Appears in the Flesh

In “sharing and communing experiences,” sharing means speaking of every thought in your heart, your state, your experiences and knowledge of God’s words, as well as the corrupt disposition within you—and after that, others differentiate, and accept the positive and recognize that which is negative. Only this is sharing, and only this is truly communing. It does not simply mean having insights into the words of God or a part of a hymn, and communing as you please, and not saying anything related to your own actual life. Everyone talks about doctrinal and theoretical knowledge, and says nothing of knowledge drawn from actual experiences. They all avoid talking about such things, about their personal lives, about their life in the church with their brothers and sisters, and about their own inner world. In this way, how can there be true communication between people, how can there be real trust? There cannot! … If the brothers and sisters are to be able to confide in each other, help each other out, and provide for one another when they are together, then each person must speak of their own true experiences. If you don’t talk of your own true experiences, and only speak high-sounding words, and words that are doctrinal and superficial, then you are not honest, and you are incapable of being honest.

from “To Be Honest, You Should Lay Yourself Open to Others” in Records of Christ’s Talks

When you bear witness to God, you should mainly talk more about how God judges and chastises people, what trials He uses to refine humans and change humans’ disposition, how much you have endured, how much rebellion and corruption within you has been revealed, and in what ways you have resisted God. Then you can talk about how you were eventually conquered by God and how you should repay God. Put substance into this kind of language, put it in a simple way, and don’t talk about empty theories. Speak of substance, speak from the heart, that’s enough for you to experience. Don’t prepare empty theories with great apparent depth as embellishment. This would seem too arrogant and senseless. Speak more of truths from practical experiences in reality, of the words from your heart. Those are what benefit people the most and are most appropriate for people to be exposed to. You used to be the worst opponents of God, the most disobedient to God, but today you’ve been conquered, never forget that. Matters of this nature require diligent reflection. Think long on these things, lest you commit more shameless and senseless acts.

from “The Basic Sense Which Man Ought to Possess” in Records of Christ’s Talks

If one can truly enter into the reality of God’s words from the matters and the words required by Him, then he will be a person perfected by God. It can be said that the work and the words of God are completely effective for this person, that God’s words become his life, he obtains truth, and he can live according to God’s words. After this the nature of his flesh, that is, the foundation of his original existence, will shake and collapse. After one has the words of God as his life he becomes a new person. The words of God become his life; the vision of God’s work, His requirements of man, His revelation of man, and the standards for a true life that God requires man to achieve become his life—he lives according to these words and these truths, and this person becomes perfected by the words of God. He experiences rebirth and becomes a new man through His words.

from “How to Take the Path of Peter” in Records of Christ’s Talks

After experiencing to a certain point, a person’s life views, significance of existence, and foundation of existence will completely transform. That is, you will be born again, and become a completely different person. This is incredible! This is a big transformation; it is a transformation that turns everything upside down. You will feel that fame, profit, position, wealth, pleasures, and glory of the world don’t matter and that you are able to effortlessly let go of them. This is a person in the likeness of a human being. Those who are ultimately made complete will be a group like this. They will live for truth, for God, and for righteousness. This is the likeness of a person.

from “Understanding Commonalities and Differences in Human Nature” in Records of Christ’s Talks