#she said she does voiceover work so she keeps her ears open for Voices

[thysilus]

one of th actresses on this shoot jst told me she rly likes my voice and that its ‘deep’ which is xtremely gender affirming but i cnt tell if she thinks im a woman w a deep voice cuz i swear my voice aint deep for a man lol

[mediocre-writerr]

who do you love [lexi howard]

lexi howard x reader

requested: Hiii! I just discovered your page while looking for Euphoria fics. I saw that you don’t have any Lexi Howard fics. Could I request a fic where Reader is partnered up with Cassie for a project or something and they meet Lexi and develops a crush on her, but Lexi is clueless and thinks reader has a thing for Cassie? Fluff please. Also your works are absolutely amazing!

a/n: italicized are rue's voiceover

*not my gif*

Lexi has always lived in the shadows of her sister. Every guy or girl she liked just never fell for her. They always fell for her sister. Cassie was the one in the spotlight and Lexi was just the background character.

You sat there with your earbuds in as your teacher went on and on about some project you guys had to do. But again, you weren't exactly listening.

Until he came over and ripped your earbuds out of your ear. You looked up at him with innocent eyes, "Ms. Y/L/N, you're partnered with Ms. Howard. Hopefully, she'll be able to fill you in since you weren't paying attention,"

You sent him a small smile before trudging your way over to Cassie. You heard a lot of things about her, but you didn't really care what everyone thought around here. Most of them were assholes anyway.

"So were you paying attention to anything he was saying?" you asked as you plopped down into the seat next to her.

"Not a word, but my friend Kat heard all of it. If you want you can come over tonight, we can start working on it, getting it over with," she offered and you nodded. 

“Sounds great,”

You see this was the start of a beautiful friendship for Y/N and Cassie. They became as thick as thieves. Everyone thought that Y/N and Cassie would eventually get together, but the entire time Cassie was just trying to get her newly found best friend to admit feelings for her sister. 

And those feelings started, cheesy to say, but at first sight.

You knocked on the Howard’s door, bouncing on the balls of your feet. You didn’t really know how to feel, Cassie was popular and well you? Not so much.

The door swung open and you swore your jaw dropped all the way to the floor. You were met with the younger Howard sister. She was beautiful. Her beautiful brown hair fit perfectly with her fair skin.

“You must be Y/N?” she says, snapping you out of your daze.

“Yeah, that’s me. Hi, Lexi, right?” you asked, stepping into the house as she held the door open.

“Yeah. Cassie went out with Maddy, but she texted me and said she’s on her way back. You can come in, you don’t have to wait outside like a dog,” she joked and you laughed together softly.

The two of you sat together on the couch. Your eyes gazed to the TV to see her watching Crazy Rich Asians. One of your favorite movies of all time. The screen was showing the montage of Rachel trying on all the different dresses for the wedding.

“This movie is a masterpiece,” you tell her.

She nods, “This is my first time watching it and I’m completely sold,” 

“Oh, you haven’t even gotten to the best part yet. The wedding scene is-” you put your fingers to your lips and kiss them, “Chef’s kiss!” 

“Hmm, I’ll have to take your word for it,” she said.

You continued watching as the wedding scene started. Lexi’s eyes were glued to the TV, but yours kept drifting towards Lexi. The way she watched intently as Kina Grannis started singing “Can’t Help Falling In Love”.

The scene ends and she looks at you, tears boarded at her eyes, “Why am I going to cry?” she laughed.

“Because it’s one of the most beautiful scenes in history,” you told her. 

The two of you just stared at each other. Her doe brown eyes were captivating and you couldn’t help your eyes from drifting down to her lips. There was a moment where you thought she did the same thing. 

The door bust open filled with laughter and Cassie and Maddy’s eyes landed on the two of you, “Hey Y/N, sorry I’m late. I see my sister was able to keep you company,”

“Oh yeah, Lexi was great. It was nice meeting you, I’ll see you around,” you told her. 

You see, my best friend Lexi developed a crush on Y/N right after that. But despite me and Jules telling her constantly that she felt the same way, Lexi still thought that you fell for her blonde sister and not her. 

“Cassie! I am not telling your sister that I like her. She does not feel the same way that I do. I am not going to risk my friendship that I’ve built with her and you,” you told her as the two of you laid on the bed in her bedroom.

She looked at you with her blue eyes like you were on drugs, “Are you kidding me right now? You sound like you just bought something from Fez. I’ve never seen my sister look at anyone the way she looks at you. You need to stop being a fucking coward and just tell her how you feel,”

“Okay, what if she does want to be my girlfriend? What if something bad happens? I lose the both of you and I can’t do that. I don’t want you to choose between me and your own sister,” you whispered.

Your heads were slightly tilted towards each other as you just stared at her, “I think you need to take advice from your favorite movie: you’re not playing to win, you’re playing to not lose. So play to win. Don’t think about the what if’s and even if things go south with my sister, I found a sister in you. You’re not gonna lose me either,” she said, “You’re one of my favorite people in the entire world, possibly my favorite, don’t tell Maddy that though. I love you so much Y/N,”

Little did the two of you know that Lexi was at the door way. She didn’t hear anything besides that you’re Cassie’s favorite person and that she loves you. 

“Awww someone loves me,” you nudge her shoulder, “But I’m for sure going to tell Maddy that I’m your favorite person. She’ll have a field day with that one,”

She pushed your face away from her, “You will not! I’ll just tell Lexi myself then,” 

You gasped, “You wouldn’t dare!” 

“Then you do it!” she exclaimed. 

Lexi avoided Y/N after that day. She also avoided Cassie. The two girls didn’t know why the brunette Howard was avoiding them. All they knew was that she avoided them every chance that she got.

It broke Y/N’s heart. She was finally ready to tell Lexi how she felt. And now, she wants nothing to do with her. No more movie nights. No more random ice cream days. But rather, Y/N going over to visit Cassie and being disappointed when their mom would answer the door and not Lexi.

You finally caught up to her as she was trying to sprint past you in the hallway. You grabbed her wrist and she looked back at you. The first time actually seeing those beautiful eyes of hers in weeks.

“What did I do? I understand if you don’t want to talk to me. I understand if you don’t want to be my friend, but please just tell me what I did. That’s the least I deserve,” you whispered, your voice breaking at the thought of losing one of your best friends. 

She shook her head, “Nothing, you didn’t do anything,” 

“I obviously did something, you’re not talking to me!” you exclaimed. 

Lexi broke free of your grasp, “You don’t need me Y/N. You have my sister. Cassie always wins. She’s always been in the spotlight. She always gets the guys and girls. Everyone I’ve ever liked, she went for them. And she always wins. I just thought for once that I mattered. That for once, the person I fell in love with chose me, but I guess I was wrong,” 

She stormed away and you were left with your mouth agape. Everything she said twirling in your brain. You immediately told Cassie all of it and your brain worked together to try and figure out a way to win her back. Until it all finally clicked.

You stood outside in the backyard of the Howard’s house. A slip n slide was in the path leading to you, switch on candles. You sat on the opposite side with a guitar in your hand. Luckily, you can play. 

Singing on the other hand, well let’s just hope it goes well.

“Cassie, I already said I don’t want to talk to you! You can’t bribe me with Bob Ross tutorials!” Lexi’s voice echoed as she closed the backyard door. 

She spotted you sitting there and she was immediately about to go inside when you yelled out to her, “Lexi please! Just let me explain, it’ll take maybe three or four minutes of your time,” 

Lexi walked down the slip n slide, but not before falling on her butt and sliding towards you. You let out a roar of a laugh as she finally reached down to you. She tried hard to fight off a laugh and a smile, but you could see it faintly. 

When you finally came down from your high she looked at you with raised eyebrows, “Well, I’m waiting,” 

You started playing the guitar. The melody you learned just hours before playing from the guitar. You took in a deep breath as you started singing the infamous song that got you to fall in love with her in the first place. 

“So, take my hand, take my whole life too. For, I can’t help falling in love with you. For, I can’t help falling in love with you,” you finish the song.

The two of you look at each other as you place your guitar down next to you, “You do matter to me, Lexi. More than you know. I’m sorry it took me so long to tell you, but ever since the first night I met you I’ve always been in love with you,” 

“Cassie actually told me that I need to play to win. And if I had to slip on my ass a thousands times trying to set up this low budget recreation of the wedding scene in Crazy Rich Asians, I would. I did it because I need to win your heart, because Lexi, you already have mine,” 

A small smile breaks out onto her face as she closes the distance between the two of you. She kissed you ever so softly as you tasted the sweet taste of her lips. 

“And you have mine,” 

[omiscurls]

I love your writing and how much you’re able to bring out the true personalities of each character!! I was wondering if you could do Kaeya, Xiao, Diluc, Zhongli, and Childe celebrating y/n’s bday. (My birthday was a couple of days ago but I didn’t receive any greetings from my genshin team for some reason... 😔)

happy birthday

a/n: SO SORRY FOR THE DELAY, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! as for your problem, have you tried looking in character>voiceover>voicelines? the wishes should appear there, i dont know what happened if they don't

plot: celebrating the reader's birthday

contains: kaeya, diluc, tartaglia, xiao, zhongli

warnings: brief mentions of alcohol, otherwise pure fluff

kaeya

a surprise party

to be completely honest, kaeya barely cares about his own birthday enough to even remember the date

and obviously he does remember yours, how could he not, but- he's just not used to celebrating, you know?

so watch him know very well your birthday is coming up, with a mindset like: "okay, you've got time, you'll figure something great out, it's gonna be amazing"

and the day or two before he realizes, he indeed wants to do something great and amazing, but he completely ran out of time

fortunately, who cares about reservations when your brother's a bar owner, right?

he figures out that if he waits till sunset with the party he still has an entire day he can spend of preparing everything he needs

so as you sleep peacefully, he sneaks out of the room at the break of dawn, ready to work his ass off

he doesn't want you feeling bad, after all, right?

the thing is, you do start to feel a bit bad, as an entire morning goes by, and not only is kaeya nowhere in sight, literally nobody is! you walk through the streets of mondstadt, looking for any familiar face to spend the time with, but the city seems awfully empty of your friends. you end up having fun at diona's cat's tail, her complaining about everyone, and you, surprisingly, joining in, but it still doesn't replace the companion of your friends.

you go over your day as per usual, and decide to bake yourself a cake, since you think that'll cheer you up. you run out of flour, though, so it's necessary to go over to the store and stock up on some. right as you cross the city's main square, you run into diluc.

"oh, sorry, haven't seen you" you say, not even lifting up your face to look at who's chest did you bump on, until he grabs your wrist, stopping you in your tracks.

"someone looks dejected" he says, and you almost want to punch him for not realizing why. instead of doing that, however pleasing it sounds, you just shrug your shoulders. "come on, you look like you could use a special drink of mine"

and with that, he pulls you towards angel's share, letting you complain about your day, though you don't explicitly say it's your birthday, still mad he didn't remember that on his own.

"so he completely ditched you without a word?" he acts surprised and offended "that's so awful-" he continues, opening the door before you.

just as he opens it, and you hear the word "awful" you see the bar as if for the first time. flowery garlands are up beneath the ceiling, the tables are arranged differently and covered with colorful, pastel table cloths, music is playing. the backdoor is opened and you see the outside of the building decorated in a similar manner, candles and fairy lights spread all over the place.

the sun is slowly setting over the buildings visible through the back door, and the atmosphere inside borders on magical, but to top that all off-

"happy birthday!" you hear a lot of voices shout, and your eyes widen at the sight of all those who you hold dear present. you can't help but smile, seeing all of them cheer, grinning from ear to ear.

"i-" you look over at diluc "how'd you pull this off?"

you swear you saw him crack a soft smile before admitting that he in fact, didn't. you're about to ask who did, then, but you're interrupted by a silvery voice, coming from behind you.

"i did" the voice says, a hand moving to cover your eyes "wanna guess who?" you hear a whisper inches away from your ear, shaking from surprise.

affection swells in your chest as you quietly say "kaeya", your smile growing fondler, knowing that aside from all your friends, he's here too, and as a mastermind, at that.

"hope you don't hold leaving you by yourself for a couple of hours against me" he continues, arms sneaking around your waist, chin rested on your shoulder "d'ya like it?"

emotion gets the better of you, and you don't know what to say, so choose only to nod eagerly.

"a lot" you finally whisper, much to kaeya's satisfaction.

"happy birthday, then" he says, suddenly pulling away from you, as to exclaim loudly "attention everyone!!" he takes a fork to ring on his glass "i hereby declare, that the next round's on me!"

cheers fill the room, along with one "yea right" and another "like we'd believe that" before the owner of the bar speaks up as well.

"as much as i'd like to see that" diluc settles "today's drinks are on the house."

diluc

a magical evening

so he’s a fan of planning

not a diehard fan, but a fan nonetheless 

it’s just, he would rather have things planned ahead than wake up a day before and not know what to do (like a kaeya) like an idiot.

so you bet he has already calculated how much time he has left the moment you told him the date of your birthday.

unlike kaeya, he prefers to be working alone, but also likes to keep his plans a surprise. he himself hates surprises, but has to admit, doing one for someone else is quite the fun 

he stays quiet about your birthday coming up until the very last moment, and if you want to ask him if he wants to do anything with you that day, he says he already has something in mind, you know, nonchalantly. as if he hadn’t been thinking about it for archons know how long 

he’ll wake up before you just to wish you a happy birthday the moment you wake up, and he might be unusually affectionate for a bit, but don’t even bother asking what he has planned out - he won’t tell, not even if you beg. 

diluc wanted to kick you out of the house all day. “oh, there’s shopping to be done” “oh, this lady wanted to talk to you”, or “you know, come to think of it, didn’t jean say she had something she’d wanted to show you for your birthday?” every lame excuse in the book, he has used it. 

you decide to finally grant him what he so obviously wanted, and leave, choosing to walk all around the city, and even outside the gates, you make it quite a trip, not knowing when to come back. 

you smile upon thinking about how secretive he tried to be, but how even he, the mighty descendant of one of the noble families of mondstadt, a man as collected and stoic as can be, couldn’t contain his excitement. you saw all his little side smiles and the way he bit his lip a little after settling today’s rough plans with you, he was so happy, you’re satisfied just by seeing that, sometimes forgetting the real reason for why he was actively plotting something. 

you walk and walk, and then walk some more, but your legs start to hurt, and you’re growing hungry, so you decide to finally get back home. 

when you approach the winery, you can see the lights in the ballroom are lit up from a mile away. your heart can’t help but flip with excitement, since diluc hates using the room, hates throwing parties, and would much rather just forget it exists. 

it’s a beautiful venue though, looks like something out of a fairytale, and you always tell him how much you love it. it’s no surprised he decided to use it, but you can’t wait to see it anyway. 

as you get closer to the building, it becomes more and more apparent that the ballroom isn’t the only place that got upgraded to a five star level for one night and one night only. the building looks amazing, and the gates are open all the way, as if there was a party to be thrown and guests to arrive any time soon. 

but as you’re welcomed into the mansion, there’s no one else in the hall, other than a dressed up diluc, his hair in a high pony, just how you always said you liked it, wearing a suit you hadn’t seen on him since... well, you don’t even recall. 

“well, if it isn’t my honorary guest” he announces with an official tone, almost making you a bit flustered. 

“what’s all this? am i not, i don’t know, underdressed?” you giggle nervously, and he approaches you, a tiny little black box in his hand. 

“you could wear a potato sack and shine brighter than all the stars together” he says softly, showing you the little box. “and as tradition orders, happy birthday.”

you carefully open the box, a simple, silver necklace resting on the little cushion inside. you take it out, and watch the ornament, but can’t for the life of you figure out what it is. 

“you see” diluc provides an explanation “it’s a common thing to do to gift someone jewellery as a gift, and almost as common to have necklaces with your star constellation. that is, the allignment the stars were in the moment you were born. but i decided, that i wanted to give you one with the alignment that shone on the sky on the happiest day of my life. well, according to mona it did.” 

you stay silent for a second, astonished with the present, before asking 

“and that is?”

“the day we met.”

tartaglia

how to surprise your lover 101

when i tell you this boy knew EXACTLY WHAT HE WAS DOING from the moment he first thought of it

now. he loves celebrating, anything, really, the atmosphere of a party is almost magnetic to him

he grew up thinking every person deserves to have an amazing day once a year, only about themselves, so it’s very obvious to him that he IS doing something, and it needs to be huge

now, in a family as big as his, it was hard to keep things a secret, so he developed a whole plan on how to avoid having you finding out what he was planning

and that is: by having you know

it’s really getting annoying, how everybody keeps walking up to you, for a good week now, and asking if you’re excited for the big party childe’s throwing. the first time you hear it, you almost immediately run to confront him about it, since you explicitly said that a party, a big one, at that, is the last thing you want.

he obviously says that it’s nothing, and you needn’t worry about that. not that you trust his words, obviously, but you let it go, partly because you know how attached he is to the idea of a huge celebration, and partly because arguing with someone as stubborn can really be tiring.

so you settle, and fake a smile for every conversation with the alleged “guests” for your alleged party, thinking you’ll just suffer through it and then just do something with your childe the next day, having yourself plan it.

the wait is stressful, and when you finally see tartaglia walk through your bedroom door, dressed up really nicely, with a soft ribbon to tie on your eyes, so you wouldn’t see anything before it’s “time”, you almost want to ditch him, but that would be too rude.

complying begrudgingly, you let him guide you through the city, feeling the cold evening air hit your skin, wondering where did he set up this party of his, since you don’t hear anything.

oh god, is everyone gonna jump out of hiding yelling “happy birthday”? please, not that, at least not that.

when he finally unties the material covering your eyes, you see nothing but a wooden platform at the end of the harbor, with a blanket set up, some really nice-smelling food and what appears to be champagne laying on it. the sun is setting slowly behind the mountains in the distance, the only sound you hear being waves crushing on the rocks.

you can’t help but gasp.

“but” you turn around to face childe with a questioning look “what about the party?”

“what party?” he looks surprised “i never said anything about any party” he adds with a knowing smirk.

as you analyze your surroundings, he watches you with a soft smile.

“come on, don’t be so shocked now” he finally says “i know you better than to plan you something you’d hate. i’m not THAT much of an asshole”

his giggle sounds almost too good in the beautiful scenery around you, and you can’t help but let your eyes water for a little while, before rapidly blinking the tears back.

“is this more similar to what you’ve dreamed of?” he asks.

“yeah” you whisper “yes, it is”

“well, that’s the only thing that matters. shall we?” his hand points to the blanket, and you nod, smiling.

this may or may not be inspired by that one episode of Brooklyn 9-9

xiao

trying something new

birthdays? what’s that

you mean to tell him he has lived two thousand years of his life without realizing the day it was brought to him should be celebrated?

yup, no, you can explain it all you want, he still doesn’t get the idea. he just finds it to be way too trivial, okay?

what gets to him, though, is that there’s a custom of doing something meaningful for the person celebrating their birthday, to make them feel important

well, you should’ve led with that, that he can do!

he would never just go and straight up ask for help if he needed any. so don’t be surprised if you hear yet more new stories about the yaksha that allegedly lives near wangshu inn sneaking into the kitchen, or watching through the glass.

he spends HOURS waiting for the chef to finally prepare the dish he hopes for, and once he does, he follows every step very carefully. and then again. and again. and one more time, up until he feels he can do it himself.

when he finally gets to enter said kitchen, it’s already way past midnight, and everything is dark, barely visible. he manages to find his way around, though, preparing all the ingredients, and starting to mix them the same way the chef did.

turns out it’s not as easy as it looks, for example, he didn’t measure how long this thing is supposed to be cooked, or on what temperature, so the process gets a little messy at one point. he might even have to start over. like, twice, tops.

it’s already nearing dusk when he finishes, taking the fruit of his works with him.

as per usual, you wait for him on the roof, and as per usual you don’t realize he’s right behind you until he speaks up.

“happy birthday” he says out of the blue, causing you to jump up in shock.

“oh my, xiao, you scared me! again!” you laugh.

“it’s today, isn’t it?” he continues, as if he didn’t hear you. when he sees you nod, he awkwardly shows you the package he held behind his back, watching closely as you open it with a questioning look.

inside, there’s a carefully wrapped serving of almond tofu, it could use a little bit of touch ups, but it still looks and smells delicious nonetheless.

“did you do this yourself?” you turn around to face him, smiling in disbelief

“mhm” he gets a little flustered, and decides not to tell you about his little kitchen adventure. “is it… is it good?” he asks, and you smile even more fondly.

“why don’t you come over here and taste it with me?”

zhongli

one can never go wrong with a classic

zhongli knows every single tradition there is to know.

literally.

so you don’t have to even tell him anything - he knows. he might not know what to do with his knowledge, but he does know what would make you happy

this man is a gentleman who believes that some moves to make someone swoon never get old

he even got a free day from work just for the occasion, or he may just think he told hu tao that he wants it? either way, he’s not there. not like his boss isn’t used to it.

right as the clock strikes 5 pm, you hear a knocking on your door. checking how you look one last time, you smile to the reflection in the mirror, and walk over to answer.

as you open said door, you find yourself dumbfounded at the sight of a completely soaked zhongli, rain pouring heavily behind his back. his hair sticks to his face, and all the layers of his suit seem drenched to their very core, but a smile you see so rarely paints his face, as he presents you with a bouquet of flowers.

and my oh my, just how huge is it! he barely even manages to hold it in hand, and the flower crowns hide his entire chest and half his face when he places them in front of you.

“i believe this is for you” he says gently “are you ready to go?”

you can’t even find the right words, as you size the bouquet up, taking it from him with a quiet “thank you so much” before taking it back to the house, already in search of the right vase to put them in.

“may i come in and dry myself up a bit?” he asks, still from the doorstep, and you laugh before granting him the permission.

when the both of you are ready to go, you meet in the hallway, both smiling softly at the other, a bit awkwardly, as the beginning of every meeting is.

“you look even better than usually” he finally says, pride rising in his chest at how your grin widens.

“same goes for you, mr zhongli” you answer just as cheekily, waiting for what he’s gonna say next.

“well, thank you, but i don’t think today’s about me now, is it?” he counters with a bit of a side eye. “shall we go?” he points to the open door, and the both of you leave, you grabbing his arm to fit under one umbrella.

“may i ask where’re we going?”

you can’t miss the way his smile turns prideful and confident as he says:

“i” he accentuates “am taking you out to dinner”

he might feel a bit offended by how sarcastically you gasp at the revelation, but it’s okay. as long as he gets to see you laugh, it’s okay.

daily reminder that requests are open [here]

[keanureevesisbae]

The alluring charm of Henry Cavill - Chapter 8

Summary: The Celebrity Project has ended, however there is still a little event, where the contestants comment on favorite moments selected by fans. However, there is one big revelation.

Henry Cavill x Adelaide Park (ofc)

Wordcount: 2.6k

Warnings: Just messing with the otp, that’s all

Masterlist // Previous chapter // Next chapter

Three days pass. Henry and I are still in the cottage, but there are no cameras around us. I think I am and will be forever grateful that they are gone now. We can finally breath and act like a normal couple. Thanks to the Celebrity Project, I met Henry and I’m thankful that I did, but those camera’s are a pain in the ass and will never be missed.

Jennifer Lopez and Charlie Puth showed everyone that they were a whole lot better than the rest of us. Henry and I came in second, but we are fan favorites and to be honest: I think that is the best prize I could’ve ever won. Tonight there is a special live event with the other duos and after that, it’s officially over.

I can’t wait for that.

I keep trying to make some lunch for Henry and me, but ever since the camera’s are gone, Henry has turned into a piece of velcro. He distracts me with kisses on my temple, wraps his strong arms around my waist as he stands behind me. ‘Stop tickling me,’ I chuckle, as he pushes up my shirt, so he can touch my bare skin.

‘I’m not tickling you,’ he retorts with a chuckle. ‘I’m hugging you.’

‘You are tickling me,’ I laugh. ‘Come on, Henry, pasta will be ruined.’

He simply shrugs. ‘I don’t care.’

‘You are awfully clingy,’ I note. ‘What is up with you?’

Henry reaches over to turn off the gas and turns me around, to hide his face in my neck, kissing me there. ‘Just obsessed with you.’ He bites his lip when he looks at me again. ‘You look beautiful, Addy. Every time I look at you, you are even more beautiful than you were the last time I saw you.’

This should not make me blush, but obviously it does anyways. Everything he says and does to me, I turn into a giggling and blushing mess. ‘Shut up,’ I whisper.

‘No, never.’ He hoists me up in his arms with a satisfied grin on his face and carries me as if I’m nothing to the couch.

I sit on his lap and whisper: ‘What are you doing, Henry?’

He takes a deep breath, as he frowns a bit. ‘Am I going too fast?’ he then asks. ‘I can stop if you want me to, Addy.’

‘No, no,’ I say. ‘I like this, I really do, but it’s real now. I haven’t done this when it’s real.’ I simply shrug and add: ‘And now you stare at me and I figure there is so much going on inside your head and I have no idea what.’

His hands rest on my hips, his eyes locked with mine and a small smile toys on his face. ‘You want to know what is going on inside my head?’

‘Yes.’

‘I keep thinking about how I’m so lucky. I didn’t even want to participate,’ he admits. ‘But I met you here and fell in love so quickly. I have never fallen in love with anyone this fast. I keep asking myself what I did to deserve you. You deserve so much better than this. Better than me.’

I shake my head. ‘Don’t cut yourself short like that, Henry. If there is someone who doesn’t deserve this, it’s me. And don’t you dare to tell me otherwise.’

But Henry wouldn’t be Henry, because he already opens his mouth, daring to tell me otherwise. I lean in, to shut him up with a kiss. While he lets it happen and I fully surrender myself to his lips, his words keep running through my mind. He is falling in love with me. I’m falling in love with him.

When I let go, I let out a shaky breath. So much is running through my mind. Love, fear, lust.

‘Come here,’ he whispers, pulling me close to his chest as I melt against his frame. ‘You are tense. What’s wrong?’

‘Nothing.’ However, I just come to a realization. ‘Oh my.’

‘What is it?’

‘Are you my boyfriend?’

Henry starts to laugh, letting his head fall back.

‘Why are you laughing at me?’ I ask him, slapping him across his chest. ‘Forget I asked.’ I already want to step off his lap, however he is faster and stronger. He pulls me flush against his chest. ‘Let me go,’ I laugh.

‘I wasn’t laughing at you, Addy. I was laughing because you are adorable. If you want me to be your boyfriend, I’d be honored.’

Good thing I was already blushing. ‘You want me as your girlfriend?’ I ask him.

‘I’d love that.’ He places his hands on both sides of my face and runs his thumbs over my lips. ‘You are beautiful and my girlfriend.’ He sounds so giddy and my heart misses a few beats. ‘My girlfriend Adelaide Park.’

◎ ◎ ◎

Henry has wrapped his thick arm around my shoulders as we sit outside our cottage in front of some large screens. We are catching up with the other couples and Jennifer mentions something about not being able to wait until she can sleep in her own bed again and not hearing Charlie snore again.

‘And from the looks of it,’ Justin says to me, ‘You two will be sharing a bed more often.’

‘Don’t say stuff like that,’ I chuckle, as I am nearly puking with embarrassment.

Justin starts to chuckle. ‘So, what did you two do these days without camera’s?’

His wife Hailey slaps his stomach. ‘Don’t tease her like that. Look at her cheeks.’ She turns to Henry and says: ‘Come on, mister Witcher, protect your girl.’

Henry only clears his throat and Justin quickly tells us that he won’t do it anymore. The energy Henry Cavill possesses.

I now know for a fact that I should never ever let him go.

Jennifer quickly gives a short speech, telling us how great it was to get to know us, to be part of this first ever season of the program and how much she would love it, if we would do a reunion after a few months.

We watch some fan reactions of the last episode and much to my dismay, we have to rewatch our kiss a billion times. It’s embarrassing to watch the first time, but it’s not getting any easier the fourth or eight time.

‘Look at this response on Twitter,’ Jennifer laughs. ‘“They are so cute, it makes me wanna hurl”. You two are disgustingly cute, that’s a truth.’

The night continues and I hum in content when I know it’s almost over. We watch footage of us when we first arrived here, the only ones not being awkward, were Justin and Hailey obviously.

‘But, what was Henry like before he started here?’ the voiceover of a man sounds through the boxes. He tenses up beside me and I look at him, before I return my eyes back to the screen again.

Henry is in an office I don’t recognize, with men I don’t know. ‘I have to work with her?’ I hear Henry ask, as he is looking at my headshot. ‘This is so unfair. Have you any idea how unfair this is? I’m supposed to win this thing. How am I gonna win this, if I have to work with her?’

I swallow hard, as I stare at the screen and sit up straight. I shrug off his arm from my shoulders. Is this real?

‘We never said it would be easy, Henry,’ I hear someone else say. ‘But work with Adelaide, make sure you two can win this thing and please, don’t make it too obvious what your intentions are.’

I feel tears in my eyes. Intentions…

‘Fine, but when I win, James Bond is mine?’ Henry asks.

‘Addy, listen to me,’ Henry whispers, but I don’t. I listen to what is happening on the screen. I recognize this, when the screen switches to outside. This was the day we went shopping, the day where we snuck in kisses.

‘You’re losing, Henry. You what that means, right? You’re not getting James Bond,’ a different male voice says.

‘We’re not too far behind,’ Henry answers. ‘I’ll get her to man up, so we can win this.’

I think I would’ve preferred if Henry just punched my nose back into my face. I’ll get her to man up? Did he seriously just say that.

‘And, I never knew you were such a good actor. I almost believed you actually care about her.’

On screen Henry sighs. ‘Maybe after this, I’ll get even more jobs.’

The air has turned cold as ice. Everyone is quiet and I stare at the blacked out screen. The only thing I hear is the pounding of my heart in my ears. My eye twitches as my jaw clenches. I need to get out of here. I need to get away from him.

Henry carefully places a hand on my back, but I stand up and walk inside. Thankfully we were at our cottage, since it has the best lighting, so I’m back there in a few seconds. I slam the door shut behind me and rush to the living room.

I should’ve known. I should’ve fucking known. This was obviously too good to be true. How could I be such an idiot?  Finally, fucking finally I have cleared my reputation of being so stupid and ditzy and now this happens. The whole world knows I simply fell for Henry Cavill, because I was easy.

I’m such a dumb cow.

‘Addy, let me explain,’ Henry says, who walks into our bedroom. No wait, not our bedroom. The bedroom. A bedroom.

I grab my suitcase before I place it on the bed. ‘What is there to explain?’ I ask him, as I start folding my clothes. ’It was pretty fucking obvious to me. You only par- parti- par-ti-ci-pa-ted to get that stupid James Bond part. You don’t like me, despite what you said to me. You just used me to get the job and more job offers.’ I push passed him, to grab my stuff from the bathroom.

At that exact moment a cameraman barges in, not wanting to let this moment go to waste, but somehow I don’t seem to care. I don’t even want to care. I’m just too mad at him right now to give a damn.

‘I didn’t use you,’ Henry says.

I open the door a lot harder than I’m supposed to, letting it smash against the wall, as my eyes fill with tears, all because of his wrong doing. ‘Enlighten me, Henry, what did you do then? Because judging from what you and I just watched and the rest of the world just watched, it made it seem like you were using me to get what you wanted.’

He sighs. ‘I meant what I said to you. I like you and I am falling in love with you.’

‘Hurray,’ I deadpan. I put everything in my suitcase and close it.

Henry swallows hard. ‘Where are you going?’

‘I’m going to the airport, so I can buy myself a ticket home, to visit my parents. You know, I know for a fact that they care about me for who I am and they would never ever use me the way you used me.’ I stare at my suitcase for a while and seeing my passport on top of it, makes a sob leave my eyes. I hide my face in both of my hands, as my shoulders shake when I cry.

‘No, Addy, please,’ he says, placing his hand on my shoulder, but I slap him away.

‘Stay away from me,’ I spit out, ‘and don’t you dare call me Addy anymore. Let… Le… Let me…’ Why can’t I find the right words to say now? ‘I’m going to tell you a few things and you cannot interrupt me.’

‘Okay,’ he simply says.

‘You stay as far from me as possible. I would like you to never ever mention me in an in… interview again. I don’t want you in my life anymore, neither do I want to be part of yours. You bet… betra…’ I take a deep breath as I try to get the word out of my mouth correctly. ‘You be-tray-ed me, Henry. You used me and I genuinely thought you cared about me. You know how hard it is for me to open up and… Never mind, I just hate the way you make me feel right now.’

‘There isn’t anything I can do to make it up to you?’ he asks. ‘Because I want to make this up to you. There must be something.’

I shake my head. ‘This isn’t something you can fix. What you told whoever those men were and what you told me… Those things aren’t the same. It’s either one or the other. And yes, you can change your mind, but the least you could’ve done, is told me about it. If you meant what you said to me, you would’ve had the decency to be honest with me. You should’ve told me your second agenda before you told me you fell in love with me, before you kissed me.’

Henry blinks a few times. ‘Adelaide, this can’t be the end.’

‘It’s the end,’ I say with more certainty than I have ever heard myself speak with. I simply grab my suitcases and walk out of the room.

Tears run over my cheeks as I brush passed the others, who want to know if I’m okay, but I’m not. I’m not okay and I know I won’t be for awhile. I need to go to see my dad, to hug my mom. I don’t want to be in Italy anymore, I need to go home and be with them.

I already spot a taxi at the stand, but before I can approach him, I hear a: ‘Adelaide, please wait a second.’

I stop walking and I hear two pair of footsteps. Those stupid camera people, I’m not going to miss them.

‘Don’t I get to say something to you?’ he asks, as he stands in front of me.

‘You said enough behind my back already,’ I tell him. ‘Get out of the way. Don’t make this harder than it already is.’

‘I’m sorry.’

‘Sorry won’t cut it,’ I tell him, a lot harsher than I did before.

Henry rubs his face, before gently holding my hand. I know I shouldn’t let him do this, but I just want to feel his touch one more time, because I know this is going to be the last time I’ll ever feel it.

‘Henry, please, let me go.’

‘I am willing to do anything in the world to make it up to you, Adelaide Park. You are one of a kind. You are the one that I want to get to know even better.’

‘Don’t,’ I say. ‘Just don’t. Don’t contact me ever again, don’t audition for the part as my love interest and please if you ever see me before I see you, walk away. I can’t have you in my life.’

‘No, please,’ Henry says, holding my hand up to his chest, placing his other on top of his own. ‘I can’t lose you, Adelaide. What I said to my agent, before we met… It was true. I only participated because I wanted James Bond, but what I told you is true as well. I don’t want James Bond anymore. I just want you.’

‘Let me go,’ I say, not looking at him. ‘Please, Henry, now.’

‘Adelaide,’ he whispers.

‘Right now.’

He lets go of my hand and sighs deeply. ‘Is this the end?’ he asks. ‘Please, this can’t be the end.’

My sniffle is his answer and it’s all I can give him. ‘Goodbye, Henry.’

[this-is-a-podcast-fanblog]

PENUMBRA LIVE

I just got home from seeing Juno Steel and the Train From Nowhere Live, and I have SO MANY EMOTIONS AND THOUGHTS AND THINGS I WANT TO TELL YOU GUYS 

so full reaction under the cut. Obviously, massive spoilers for the live show, so don’t read if you plan on buying the recording and want to experience it for the first time that way. 

Something you guys should know: AS I WROTE THIS, Alice Chuang (whom I met at the show) DM’ed me on Twitter and we have been chatting back and forth for a while now, I am LITERALLY TEXTING ALICE CHUANG AS I WRITE THIS. 

Okay. Holy cow. First of all, the obvious: the show was amazing, the actors were all crazy talented, the energy of the crowd was great, I had a fantastic time and am so happy I went. The music, sound, and lights were really cool, minimalist, but conveyed the show tone beautifully. 

And THE COSTUMES!! Not sure who picked them, but they were perfect. Joshua had the same trench coat/white shirt/jeans combo from the last liveshow, but for Dahlia Rose he wore a lacy white blazer that also had pink flowers on it. It looked very good on him and his face when Juno says “You bought me clothes?!” was hysterical. Engstrom and Valencia were elegant and totally creepy. M Sutherland had a red and grey suit and waistcoat; he also had eye makeup but it was a little more subtle. Valencia was in a gorgeous shiny red dress and lounge singer black gloves up to her elbows. Those were all cool, but nothing is EVER gonna top Noah’s Nureyev outfit, which was a pair of black pants, white shirt, black tie, and a black and white striped corset with the tie tucked into it. You may be thinking, “oh, HG, that just sounds like a waistcoat” nope!!!! It was like actually a corset! He also had killer eyeliner. For most of the show he wore a black blazer, but as Duke Rose he wore this crazy glittery golden blazer covered in sequins. It was gaudy and he rocked it, it suited Duke so perfectly! 

Those four made up the main cast, but there were two other actors - first of all, Kate Jones, obviously, as Miasma. She had ghostly white makeup and covered her face and head with a white shawl. That, plus the fact that the lights turned red whenever she stepped on stage, made the perfect creepy vibe. She had a lot more lines in this than the original - Juno would refer to her voice in his head a lot, and every time, she came out and said something creepy. She was on a little raised stage behind the rest of the cast so she was glaring down at him and it was just asdggkfj;fldj a it was so cool. 

Then there was another cast member I totally did not anticipate - Melissa DeJesus (Quanyii) played the Ruby7! She also worked props, so when Juno was talking about Nureyev’s coat, she held it up, when the bell rang during the card game she rang it, and she also played Miasma’s assistant pointing the gun at Nureyev (it was a cardboard rifle, they also used it when Juno had to shoot out of the car). For the Ruby7 she held a steering wheel and stood in front of Joshua and Noah making the car noises into a microphone or with a whistle. Also she had a necklace shaped like a license place that said “Ruby7″. It was such a cute way to show the car, which some of you may remember was something I was speculating wildly about when I first bought the ticket. Every time Nureyev mentioned how great the Ruby7 was she would vamp and at one point she blew him a kiss and he blew one back it was so adorable.

i’ve been typing for a half hour and I haven’t even gotten into the actual show yet

Before the show even started, there was amazing energy. I bought two posters from Kat Buckingham, who was working the merch stand, found a great seat, chatted with the people sitting near me, and just felt the excitement. There were so many amazing costumes, and like a third of people were wearing ear cuffs with chains in honor of Peter (I was among this number). Kevin Vibert made some announcements about emergency exits and whatnot, and then the lights dimmed. There were two curtains on opposite sides of the performance area, Joshua and Noah FLIPPED OPEN the curtains on different sides and just did this power walk to the mics in the middle while all of us audience members screamed and cheered for a solid minute, it was glorious. 

Almost immediately I noticed a change to the script - they added a subplot about an additional Martian artifact Miasma had stolen, called the Key of something I don’t know how to spell, which apparently locks away any concept, like locking away sound around a person (this was revisited during the assassin bit). When Nureyev mentioned the key Juno said something like, “Wait, I don’t think that’s how this is supposed to happen” which was a cute way to acknowledge the changes they were making. Then he started mentioning some Season 2 stuff (”I dreamed I only had one -” “We all  only have one life, detective!”) and Nureyev cut him off and then launched into a recap of the events of 2Murderous2Mask. He brought up audience members to reenact it, and it was really funny and I loved it a lot. 

One of my favorite changes was that a couple of times when Juno was internally monologuing, Nureyev would be there too. At one point Juno acknowledged it like, “I do this thing where I just talk, and usually it’s just me.” Nureyev was really energetic, Noah got super into those parts and would take the mic down from the stand and be gesturing and hopping around while Juno watched. They also went into a lot more detail about the Throne of Arkuthusis (I probably spelled that wrong) and Samantha Carthwright (now called Sammy), who was played by an audience member. Juno explained that anyone who sat in the chair could have infinite knowledge and people would ask them questions. Nureyev then asked the audience member a bunch of questions in different accents which A.) was really funny B.) was crazy because apparently Noah can do an insane range of accents C.) cute because Juno just let him do it for a while before cutting him off. It had a very “petulant married life” vibe when Nureyev shared Juno’s monologues, and I’m not sure if it was supposed to be some significant commentary that Nureyev was “in Juno’s head” or just fun staging. Either way, I loved it. 

For the card game, there were a few changes. Engstrom asked Juno if he knew how to play Rangian Street Poker and Nureyev-as-Duke said “Don’t say no!” through his teeth right as Juno said “nope.” and then an explanation followed. After a while Juno lost track and got annoyed and before Engstrom could get mad back or explain the whole thing again Nureyev-as-Duke covered Juno’s mouth with his hand and then when he pulled his hand away he fucking caressed Juno’s cheek with his knuckles while Juno glared at him and the audience went feral. 

Hey by the way Noah Simes? Is just fucking incredible like his mannerisms as Duke were so over-the-top but amazing, when he reverted back to Nureyev there was an IMMEDIATE shift just in the way he talked and the way he stood, like with Duke everything was all exaggerated and he drew out all the “you’s” (So in the phone call he basically went “See youuu SooooOOOOnN!!! :D”) but then for Nureyev he was a lot more reserved, and he had this smug little half smirk for most of it. Just like, what does it feel like to be that talented, wish I could relate. 

They didn’t actually play cards, but Noah did rip a piece of paper to be the dueling wargoats card. Even so, the tension was strong and you could feel the suspense even if (like me) you knew exactly what was coming next. Also, I forgot to mention, there were a lot of sound effects! When Juno heard someone’s thoughts (he heard Valencia’s and Nureyev’s a few times) that would be a voiceover, the train noises were all played, gunshots, etc. The assassin wasn’t actually shown, but you could hear the voiceover for that as well. 

You’re all probably wondering: THE DOODLES. They were actual crumpled balls of paper that Juno pulled out of Nureyev’s coat; later when they were back in the hotel room, Nureyev took off his jacket and said he was going to bed (Noah just kinda stood there with his eyes closed) and Juno threw one of the notes at his head and literally went “Nyeh” as he threw it. We all laughed for quite a while. 

Jupeter jumping through garbage chutes was great, Noah sort of pushed Joshua and then they pantomimed jumping down - but apparently I’m supposed to believe that Peter backflipped into the garbage chute, from the way Noah gestured, and I’m HERE FOR THAT, he’s just that much of an extra bitch. (Nureyev was very much an extra bitch throughout this entire show, as you know if you have ever listened to The Penumbra Podcast).

The whole getaway chase was awesome. Not sure if I mentioned this yet, but they had one mic that could be taken away from the stand and walked around, which is how they did the phone calls, the person on the other end of the line would stand off to the side with the wireless mic and perform like that. Once Juno, Nureyev, Valencia, and Engstrom got on the train they did all of those lines, but a nice new addition to the script was Valencia threatened Juno with a gun and Nureyev pushed Juno slightly behind him with a hand on his chest (actually I can’t remember if this scene happened here or in the casino, suffice it to say it happened and it was gay and wonderful) and said basically “if you even so much as warm his skin” and followed that up with a threat, I forget exactly what. Then when Nureyev pumped the brakes of the train he grabbed Juno and pulled him to one side, and Valencia and Engstrom’s actors left. 

For the tight room they ducked into to hide, Noah and Joshua sort of pressed together back to back and tilted the mic stands so they were still able to talk into the mic. There was a great line where Juno said something like, “Is there a reason why you keep shoving us into tight spaces together?” and then they got out and Noah took the wireless mic and went up to one of the curtains on the side of the stage, then he sort of fell through with a shout and Juno was locked in the room with Valencia. She took the other wireless mic and circled him, which was soooo creepy and really cool, especially with the moody lighting they had over the whole scene. When Juno pretended to faint Joshua just like,,,, threw up his arms and dropped to the floor in the most dramatic swoon possible it was great, and when Valencia died she fell through the curtain on the side of the stage and someone caught her. 

The showdown with Engstrom was tense and great. M Sutherland has a great presence and because he’s really fucking tall he seemed very menacing next to Jupeter (especially earlier when they were in their crazy suits and he was just all polished). With his suit and beard and eyeliner he sort of looked like a younger president Snow ala The Hunger Games, perfect villain vibes. Nureyev did the whole pin-him-by-the-arms thing as Juno described it in his monologue and oh god Noah did the most PERFECT fox smile throughout the whole thing, but what’s weird is I can’t actually remember how Engstrom’s death went?? I assume he fell through the curtain but I just,,, genuinely can’t remember?

Right after that they seemed to have a technical issue with the train sound effects so Joshua and Noah adlibbed it for a few seconds, then it started working again and they grabbed each other’s arms and did the whole jump-off-the-train thing. When Juno asked where the Ruby7 was, Melissa DeJesus came out with her arms tied in ropes, I guess to show the car had been captured and then BOOM KATE JONES AS MIASMA. She’s so scary and intimidating, and her voice sounds even cooler live than on the show. 

Then!!! The gun is pointed at Nureyev!!! and oh god Noah’s face in this scene first he looked a little panicked, but then resigned, and the lights went BACK AND FORTH BACK AND FORTH from regular to Juno’s monologue, and this super scary layered clip of Miasma saying “I will have what I want” played and oh god it was just so totally incredible and I loved it and by that point I was aware the show was about to end but I never wanted it to, I wanted to sit there and watch this forever, and I knew I couldn’t which made me a little sad. 

and oh wow wow wow...

then we got to the part where they got in the car, and Juno had his monologue, and Nureyev was watching him for the whole thing with the sweetest loving smile on his face, and then he told Juno not to give up on him yet and then Noah and Joshua reached into the space between the microphones and took each other’s hands, so they were holding hands and the crowd went WILD. Obviously this episode didn’t have a kiss, but the ROMANCE of that moment was just PEAK it was so freaking phenomenal, and when Miasma said the whole “There it is, your final resting place,” they didn’t even look at it, for a while they were just looking at each other for a few long seconds, and then they both turned to look at the tomb and they just stood there holding hands looking ahead all resigned and determined, and then the lights went down and it was over. 

(the cutest thing about the whole hand holding though was Noah kept glancing over like either he was trying to show Peter’s intense desire to hold Juno’s hand or else he wasn’t sure when he was supposed to grab Joshua’s hand and he was trying to make sure they did it at the same time. Either way it was sweet and looked really good.) 

They did the curtain call, I screamed so loudly for each actor, and then anyone who wanted to meet the cast went and lined up in the hallway outside the theater. The staircase by this hallway was also the staircase into the bar, so all the bar and restaurant, so all the restaurant patrons were very baffled to see the Penumbra-goers in our cosplays, (and me wearing the pride flag around my shoulders.) While I waited to meet with the cast I got to chat with Kat Buckingham! I also talked to her when I bought merch, and I told her I thought she was talented - she said “I bet YOU’RE really talented!” and I almost cried, then she told me I was free to DM her, also encouraged me when I told her about my podcast, and was all around just the sweetest. 

The cast were at a table, sort of like a convention, and we just went down the line and got our stuff signed. I got to talk to all of the actors and they were SO! VERY! SWEET! I hadn’t thought at all about what I was gonna say, so I just kind of mentioned whatever. I told Noah that I write Jupeter fanfiction and said, “So that means I have your voice in my head a lot”, and he said like “That’s... somewhat unusual to hear, as I’m sure you can imagine.” I told him he was really talented and he signed my poster and was very friendly, thanked me for coming even though literally I was thanking him because HOLY FUCK HE WAS SO AMAZING. Also, Kate Jones asked me what my shirt said (it said “I am too emotionally attached to fictional characters” and thought that was cool. 

I told Joshua, Sophie, and Kevin that this podcast inspired me to start my own podcast, and they were so incredibly encouraging and supportive about that! Joshua asked if I had fun (as if I could have not had fun!) and thanked me for coming - like both of these amazingly talented stars of this hit show are thanking me for coming to see them, that’s so humble and kind and ugh I just stan this cast so much. @rudzik-art made some amazing artwork, which I turned into prints to give to Sophie and Kevin, and they really loved it! Sophie even signed both my poster and the one I got for Robin, even though their rule said only one item per person. Then they both thanked me for coming, and I headed out to catch my train home.

Overall, this show was phenomenal. There was only one thing in the whole production that I disliked: they took out the “It’s not polite to tell someone his gift means nothing to you” line, and I’m not really sure why, because that line forms a lot about the characters? But artists’ choice, of course. Personally, I would have loved to see it, but the pacing was just as good without it. 

I’ve been looking forward to this for so long, and now that’s it’s over I’m experiencing some pretty strong post-show depression, not gonna lie. I just want to come back and see it again every night for the rest of my life, even though that would not be good for the cast. I want to go out and make art and share my work and maybe someday inspire someone anywhere near as much as this inspired me. 

TL;DR THE LIVE SHOW WAS FUCKING INCREDIBLE. 

If you weren’t able to make it to either live show and you have some questions about it, feel free to send them to my inbox!

[wafflesetc]

A/N: I made a flub. The first chapter was supposed to have the date “December 15″ posted at the top, but I am a mere mortal and forgot to add it. That being said, this chapter takes place merely two weeks prior to the staff holiday party! As always thank you to @kkruml and @missclairebelle for making my stuff, postable. Xo.

(Previously)

December 2 Two Weeks Ago

“Dr. Beauchamp to the nurses station.”  The charge nurse’s voice bellowed through my ears as I finished typing my notes into the computer.

“Coming.” I muttered to myself, scribbling my electronic signature and logging out of the computer.

I stuck my dictation machine into my pocket and rounded the corner to see a flash of familiar red hair standing behind the desk, and charge nurse Geillis Duncan flashing her million dollar smile, charming the ICU’s visitor.

“And speak o’ the devil,” Geillis laughed as I came to their vicinity near the desk. “Here she is.”

“Sorry, I was finishing my notes from rounds,” I looked towards Geillis, eyeing her sharply. “What is it you need?”

She laughed at me and gestured across the counter to the marketing manager of the hospital, Jamie Fraser. “It’s not what I want, it’s what Mr. Fraser wants.”

“And what might that be?” I turned my attention to the mass of red hair and crossed my arms.

“Direct and to the point, as always, Claire.” His use of my first name sent a fire raging through my body, he knew how to get to me better than anyone I had ever met.

“It’s Dr. Beauchamp when the white coat is on,” I said professionally trying to keep my mind sharp. “What can I do for you?”

“Ah, yes… Weel,” Jamie turned to Geillis and gave her a smile, “This is hospital business, is there a place I can talk to Dr. Beauchamp, alone?”

Geillis nearly choked on her coffee but nodded, “Aye, conference room number three over there.”

I tilted my head in the direction of the room, gesturing for Jamie to follow me. “This way.”

We walked in silent awkward tandem to the conference room. Bloody hell was he attractive, but that ego, we were two fuses waiting to be ignited.  Walking into the conference room, I shut the door the loud clink of the latch echoed through small room.

“Mr. Fraser,” I said curtly, I did not have time to deal with this egotistical maniac of a man, “My time is precious, especially when I am on call, I will ask you once more, what can I do for you?”

“Are ye always so direct, Sassenach?” He shook his head as if he were talking to himself and sat down in one of the chairs.

“No. Only when I deal with bureaucratic white collar men who insist on telling me how to do my job better. Productivity over quality, things of that nature. I know we are paid on the amount of surgeries we preform, how rapid the patients recover, but it’s not supposed to be like that. It’s the quality of the treatment, the longevity of how the patient recovers- how the surgery goes. I would rather do four surgeries a week with proper patient care than do the ten that I am averaging right now!”

“Ah,” He smiled to himself, “Is that what ye think of me? A bureaucratic white collar man?”

“More or less- you work for marketing. It’s your job to sell the hospital to donors, businesses, and possible patients. The hospital is a business transaction for you. For me, it’s a place to change lives. To fix them, make them better, to heal.” I took a seat across from him and placed my arms on the table. “It’s not a business transaction- the people here, they are something to someone and it’s my job to make sure they get better, so they can keep being something to someone.”

“I ken, ye see?”  He nodded at me and pulled a pen and paper out of a folder. It startled me, I had no thought he was here for serious business- but damn, I guess I was wrong.

“No, Mr. Fraser, I don’t ken what you are referring too.”

“You know of Dougal, the CEO of the board?” He raised an inquisitive brow at me.

“Yes,” I admitted, of course I did. Dougal Mackenzie, head of the Royal Infirmary, also Jamie’s uncle. Dougal was a man known for his ostentatious approach to medicine- making the infirmary the premiere hospital for technology in surgery, doctors, even nurses. “If I am not mistaken, he is also your uncle?”

“He is. But that’s beside the point, he is my boss.”

“Yes.”

“And a hard man to say no to.” Jamie smiled at a distant memory, his eyes unfocused on mine for just a moment, a hint of grey clouding the blue.

“I’m inclined to disagree,” I curtly pointed out, “I have said no to him on a few different occasions.”

“Ye have, Sassenach, which is why I am here.” He pulled out a piece of paper and slid it over the oak table. “Ye have refused a few of his different appeals for how to market the hospital, he’s hoping this one will change yer mind.”

“Mr. Fraser,” I could feel the anger boiling in my body. “I told him to go fuck himself not just but a few weeks ago, I am not sure if I am the proper doctor to be having this conversation wi-”

“Dr. Beauchamp,” His voice went cold, “I ken ye know my reputation between the nurses and the other marketing fellows. I also know how ye feel about it, and putting that aside, you are the best doctor at this hospital, and I am the manager of the marketing department. I beg of you, please hear me out.”

“Fine.” I spewed at him, though it was my natural inclination to fight him on almost anything, there was a small part of me that believed him, he was here to try and get my attention over something.

“Dougal wants to approach a new campaign in the eyes of how you see the hospital. From a human point of view. He wants ye to be the face of it.”

“Excuse me.” I said, stunned. This was the last thing I had expected from the marketing department, being as I had said no for their last three attempts to get to to do anything, including just a voiceover for a commercial.

“Ye said it yerself- it’s all about the people not the medicine, not the technology. It’s bedside care, it’s interacting with the families, the patients, it’s the people that make the hospital. The people- the staff- they are the heart and soul of what makes the operation work. Dougal wants to use that.”

“And what does that have to do with me?”

“Ye see, Dr. Beauchamp, yer the only doctor who refused a spotlight in the magazine. Ye’re the only doctor who refuses to do any local news segments, and ye are also the only doctor who didn’t want to be in the commercial.” His voice softened a bit in his honesty here and I could admit to myself, he understood part of my personality, even from afar.

“So?” I sat back in my chair and crossed my arms again.

“Ye’re the only one to say no to any sort of press- ye’re also the only doctor to say no to the infamous Dougal MacKenzie. But you are the highest rated physician in the place. It’s because of yer approach to medicine, patients and people want to work wi’ ye.”

“I’m still at a loss here,” I admitted because all of what he said was true- I just wasn’t piecing it together.

“Dougal- we, him and I, want to market the hospital the way you see it. The way you approach your patients and practice of medicine…. But now we want you to be the face. The articles, the billboards, the commercials, we want your voice, Claire. Not some manufactured marketing slogan. We want real, we want honest, we want raw.”

“I…” The words processed in my mind. “Mr. Fraser, I appreciate the honesty and the time it took you to come down here, but no.”

“Dr. Beauchamp, ye canna say no to this.”

“I’m sorry- wot?”

“I told him ye would do it- I….”

I stood, my cheeks flaring bright red in anger. “Mr. Fraser. I am not sure what you told Mr. Mackenzie, but like I told him to the last attempt to get anything out of me, you can go fuck yourself.” I took a breath and squared my shoulders. “I am a doctor- not a marketing tool. I do not want to be the face, nor do I want the kickbacks. Which I am assuming you do, since you’re the one here asking me and laying out the entire new plan. This is a place where the sick come to heal, people come for hope, people come to have a chance at a future, a better tomorrow.”

“I ken it’s not a business transaction.”

“Exactly. And while I am somewhat flattered you all somehow, eventually, decided to listen to me. I am not your lass or whatever it is the Scots call women these days.”

His mouth gaped open and about to speak, but I stormed off in anger. The last thing I heard was his voice in the conference room. “Dr. Beauchamp, please.”

[justanothercinemaniac]

Epic Movie (Re)Watch #119 - Who Framed Roger Rabbit

Spoilers Below

Have I Seen It Before: Yes.

Did I Like It Then: Yes.

Do I Remember It: Yes.

Did I See It In Theaters: No

Edit: At the time of writing this I did not see the film in theaters, but have recently.

Was it a movie I saw since August 22nd, 2009: Yes. #565.

Format: DVD

1) Starting this comedy/noir film off with what appears to be an animated cartoon from the 40s is a good way of establishing tone for a few reasons. First of all it tells us what kind of toons Roger and company are. The kind that star in short after short after short like Mickey Mouse or Bugs Bunny, as opposed to say the Care Bears (it was the 80s, so I’m going with that example) who had a TV Show and a movie. It also introduces us to Roger, Baby Herman, the idea of ACME in cartoons, and Maroon studios. Also the film’s excellence in slapstick is there from the get go.

2) But as soon as the cartoon is over, we’re in the “real” world. This film has a slight bit of edge to it that I wildly appreciate. Not like Martin Scorsese edge, but come on. This is a film starring animated characters that has swearing, murder, sexual innuendo galore, and an alcoholic main character. For example in the original version of the film (now edited out): after Baby Herman walks under the skirt of a female employee on set, his finger is extended upward and has some liquid on it. That is VERY adult but will go over the heads of children.

3) According to IMDb:

Joel Silver's cameo as the director of the Baby Herman cartoon was a prank on Disney chief Michael Eisner by Robert Zemeckis and Steven Spielberg. Eisner and Silver hated each other from their days at Paramount Pictures in the early '80s, particularly after the difficulties involved in making 48 Hrs. (1982). Silver shaved off his beard, paid his own expenses, and kept his name out of all initial cast sheets. When Eisner was told, after the movie was complete, who was playing the director - Silver was nearly unrecognizable - he reportedly shrugged and said, "He was pretty good."

4) Bob Hoskins as Eddie Valiant.

Eddie is a wildly interesting character. He’s a former goofball who has kept his sharp tongue for wiseass remarks and being a pain in the ass, which is always appreciated by me. His conflict is incredibly interesting (more on that later) and he’s just a great character to follow around in this world.

Bob Hoskins is perfect for this role. I’ll go into detail on this later but his interactions with the cartoon characters look easy when they’re not, and Hoskins is able to balance the sourpuss aspect of Eddie’s personality with the wiseass, heartache, alcoholism, and former goofball in a complete package.

According to IMDb:

On the Special Edition DVD, Robert Zemeckis recounts that he had stated in a newspaper interview that Bill Murray was his and producer Steven Spielberg's original choice for the role of Eddie Valiant, but neither could get in contact with him in time. Bill Murray, in turn, has stated that when he read the interview he was in a public place, but he still screamed his lungs out, because he would have definitely accepted the role.

I think Hoskins can’t be replaced though.

5) This film is more of a noir film than an animated fantasy. You have your archetypes like RK Maroon begin the big money slime, Judge Doom is the shady government official, and Jessica Rabbit it the femme fatale. This is felt in every aspect of the film, from the cinematography right down to Alan Silvestri’s wonderful music.

6) Remember how I said Eddie had a great conflict?

Angelo [bar patron who Eddie flipped out on]: “What’s his problem?”

Dolores [Eddie’s sort-of-girlfriend and bar owner]: “Toon killed his brother.”

Like that is such a strange idea, a murderous toon, and it provides such great conflict for Eddie. A conflict which we see laid out before us when the camera takes the time to look at all the stuff on his and Teddy’s desk. You SEE that Eddie is in pain, and without a flashback you see the guy he used to be when his brother was around. The fun goofball who liked working Toontown and helpings toons out. To go from that to where he is now takes a lot of heartbreak.

7) I love that the password to get into the Ink & Paint Club is, “Walt sent me.”

8) Daffy and Donald Duck.

This is the first (and to date only) time cartoon characters owned by Warner Brothers and Disney have appeared in a film together. Since the film was being made by Disney, WB only allowed to have their characters show up if the major characters had the same amount of screen time as the Disney characters. That’s why Donald/Daffy and later Mickey/Bugs always share the screen together.

As a kid THIS was my favorite part of the film! The crossover aspect. Getting to see characters interact who normally don’t. AND they got the official actors at the time to voice them. Mel Blanc voices all his Looney Tunes characters, Tony Anselmo is Donald, and Wayne Allwine is Mickey Mouse. These aren’t cheap cameos, these are the genuine articles and that’s amazing!

9) There are also some appearances by non-Disney/non-WB characters, such as Betty Boop.

I think the inclusion of Betty is a nice way to pay respect to the early days of studio animation, and her original voice actress was still alive at the time so she got a chance to reprise the character.

10) Jessica Rabbit.

Before anything else, I would just like to point out that Jessica’s proportions are PURPOSEFULLY impossible. I think that this is done to play into the idea of her being a femme fatale, but more so even to critique some of the ridiculous bodies animated female characters have (but that last part may just be wishful thinking on my part). Kathleen Turner unfortunately does not get credit for her voiceover work as Jessica, which is a shame because she gives the character so much of her heart and intrigue. When she’s just the femme fatale Jessica’s a bit of a stereotype but by the end of the film she becomes truly interesting to me because she doesn’t just fill that role. There’s also a fan theory about Jessica I’m totally onboard with, but more on that later.

11) Robert Zemeckis’ films are marked for their incredible special effects, and Who Framed Roger Rabbit is no exception. Ask yourself: every time an animated character opens a door, or moves a desk, or splashes water, or bumps into a lamp, or (in the case of Jessica) pulls Eddie close to them by his tie and then lets him go, how did they do that on set? Because they had to! CGI is not a factor in this film. The animation is done by drawing over the film that was shot in the traditional fashion, but everything else had to be done practically on set. It’s so subtle and so natural that I marvel at it every time.

12) Okay, I love the theory that Jessica Rabbit is asexual. If you want to read the full post click the link above but here are the basic points of argument:

She’s in love with a rabbit because he makes her laugh.

She uses her body to get things she wants from people, but outside of that doesn’t she interest in anybody.

Her line, “I’m not bad, I’m just drawn that way.”

Her line, “You don’t know how hard it is being a woman looking the way I do.”

The only thing that really contradicts the theory is that later in the movie Eddie says to Jessica that Roger is a better lover than a driver, to which she replies, “You better believe it buster.” But I can easily see that as her defending his loving husband side instead of any sexual prowess.

13) Another thing that supports the asexual Jessica theme is that instead of her doing anything sexual with Marvin Acme, she plays Patty Cake with him. Like literally, patty cake.

(GIF source unknown [if this is your GIF please let me know].)

That is a joke I did not understand as a child.

14) I haven’t talked too much about Roger’s voice actor yet, Charles Fleischer.

During filming, Charles Fleischer delivered Roger Rabbit's lines off camera in full Roger costume including rabbit ears, yellow gloves and orange cover-alls. During breaks when he was in costume, other staff at the studios would see him and make comments about the poor caliber of the effects in the "rabbit movie".

Fleischer’s voice IS Roger in so many ways. All he can do to deliver Roger’s heart is speak, and Fleischer’s performance in this film is not to be underwritten because it is amazing. It is full with such life, such heart, and a surprising amount of honesty. It works brilliantly.

15) You have to keep your eyes open for the little innuendos in this film. For example, when Eddie meets Jessica at the crime scene he quickly peeks down at her boobs. This is the first time I’ve ever noticed that and I’ve seen this film a lot.

16) Christopher Lloyd as Judge Doom.

Director Robert Zemeckis had worked with Lloyd on their most iconic film Back to the Future (where Lloyd played Doc Brown), and now Lloyd gets to show off his villainous side. He is wonderfully and gleefully evil, showing no remorse and has a cartoon like quality which makes the bad guy work wonderfully in the role. He’s just threatening enough but also just funny enough. And Lloyd never phones it in once. It’s a fantastic performance through and through.

16.5) Can we talk about how this judge just murdered a cartoon shoe for no other reason than to show that he could and no one stopped him. Like, is the shoe technically a prop and so it doesn’t count as murder? Because that thing seems more alive than a prop!

17) So I talked about Roger’s voice actor but not much about Roger as a character yet.

Roger is a pure cartoon character, and I mean that in a sort of literal sense. He’s not tainted by greed or hatred, he is pure joy and humor. A bit of a dunce but he trusts people and WANTS to see the best in them. His entire purpose in life is to make people life and that feeds every decision he makes. It’s a wonderful cartoon counterpart to Hoskins as Eddie.

18) Hoskins’ interactions with Roger is where he shines. Because remember, Hoskins was not on set with Rogers. He was looking at an empty space which would be drawn in latter. But when you watch the film he’s never looking through the space. He’s miming it excellently, he is looking AT an animated character who isn’t even there yet. It’s amazing and the key reason he excels in the role.

19) I never caught this line before.

Roger [asking Eddie for help]: “You know there’s no justice for toons anymore.”

So toons are sort of a disenfranchised minority. That’s an interesting concept. If there’s a sequel maybe they’ll play with it.

20) According to IMDb:

When Eddie takes Roger Rabbit into the back room at the bar where Dolores works to cut apart the hand-cuffs, the lamp from ceiling is bumped and swinging. Lots of extra work was needed to make the shadows match between the actual room shots and the animation. Today, "Bump the Lamp" is a term used by many Disney employees to refer to going that extra mile on an effect just to make it a little more special, even though most audience members will never notice it.

21) @theforceisstronginthegirl, this is for you:

(GIF originally posted by @i-am-the-wallflower)

Nothing sums up Roger more than the fact that he can only get out of those handcuffs when it’s funny. It feeds into how Roger entertains all the guys at the tavern because they’re down on their luck, even though they could turn him over to Doom for a ton of cash (but they don’t). He believes in the power of laughter.

22)

Judge Doom [upon observing the record on the record player]: “‘The Merry-Go-Round Broke Down’. Quite a looney selection for a bunch of drunken reprobates.”

“The Merry-Go-Round Broke Down” is the theme to the Looney Tunes shorts.

23) The rest of the bar scene is filled with so many great cartoon gags. The fact that Judge Doom is able to lure Roger out by having him respond to, “Shave and a haircut,” is great. But a subtler reference is how Eddie gets Roger to drink the alcohol and loose control (thereby freeing himself from Doom). They go back and forth where Eddie wants Roger to drink the drink but Roger doesn’t want it, but when Eddie says Roger DOESN’T want the drink Roger says he wants it just to continue the conflict. Sound familiar?

24) Benny the cab is another fun original character added to the film, and he’s the same voice over actor as Roger!

25) I find this hysterical.

Benny [right before they’re going to hit a car]: “Pull the lever!”

Eddie: “Which one?”

Roger: “Which one?”

Benny: “‘WHICH ONE?’!?”

26) I am so ashamed of myself that I never caught the Back to the Future reference this film makes! Benny is driving down an alleyway and the evil weasels are driving straight towards him, and one of the weasels declares, “I’m gonna ram him!” Well in Back to the Future (also directed by Robert Zemeckis) Biff Tannen is about do the same thing to Marty McFly and says the EXACT same line as we get the EXACT same shot of his car!

I love that.

27) Me too Roger, me too.

Roger [expecting another cartoon to play in the movie theater but it’s a news reel]: “I hate the news.”

28) When we were introduced to Roger in the opening cartoon, I was trying to dissect what made him a unique cartoon character. Like Donald has his temper tantrums, Bugs Bunny is a wise guy, and Roger I’ve discovered likes to go on tangents. Like someone will tell him to do something and he’ll talk for five minutes about how well he’ll do it even when no one is around to listen. I like that.

29) The animated bullets Eddie uses in the gun given to him by Yosemite Sam are very much in the style of Chuck Jones and I can appreciate that.

30) It’s pretty fun watching for all the animated characters the filmmakers inserted into Toontown.

31) Droopy Dog is another cartoon character who shows up despite not being owned by Disney or WB. This meant he got to show up again later in an animated Roger Rabbit cartoon.

32) When Eddie is in a Toontown bathroom there’s writing on the wall that says, “For a Good Time Call Alyson ‘Wonderland’,” but then there’s no phone number. The theatrical release DID have a phone number but it was Michael Eisner’s home phone (I think) so it was edited out for the home video release.

33) What could possibly top Donald Duck & Daffy Duck dueling pianos?

I love everything about this. But it also gets to another agreement between WB & Disney: Disney did not want any of their characters doing anything to harm Eddie, so that’s why when he gets the “spare” from Mickey & Bugs (it’s a spare tire but he thought it was a parachute) it is BUGS who gives it to him!

Honestly it’d be awesome if Disney and WB could make more crossover cartoons. That would be pretty awesome.

34) File this one under jokes I didn’t get as a kid:

35) So Judge Doom’s end goal, his whole villainous plan, is to construct...a freeway? God, if it weren’t for the twist coming up that would’ve been so stupid.

36) Eddie’s comedy routine is great. It shows Bob Hoskins’ skill at slapstick and goofball and is just a joy to watch. Also we get this fun line:

Eddie: I'm through with taking falls / And bouncing off the walls / Without that gun, I'd have some fun / I'd kick you in the...

[bottle falls on his head]

Roger: Nose!

Head Weasel: Nose? That don't rhyme with "walls."

Eddie: No, but this does. [kicks Head Weasel in the balls, propelling him into a vat of Dip]

37) Doom is a toon!

This is a nice twist in the film that you can totally see was setup if you’re looking for it. Christopher Lloyd is able to play Doom with an even bigger sense of cartoony evil, and it means his end goal of a freeway isn’t so stupid after all.

38) The train that hits the dip machine at the end has a bunch of window. If you go through it frame by frame, each window depicts someone being murdered. Fun fun fun.

39) According to IMDb:

The opening track on the Sting album "...Nothing Like the Sun", the song "The Lazarus Heart" was originally written as the movie's musical finale, at an early stage of the movie's production when the book's tragic ending, where Roger is killed in the crossfire during the final duel, was still in the script. When the studio ordered its default ending to be used at the film's end, in which Roger is alive at the end of the duel, however, the song was deleted from the script and ended up on Sting's album instead.

40) I like that the film ends not only with the classic, “That’s All Folks,” but also Tinkerbell to let us know this was special.

Who Framed Roger Rabbit is awesome. It’s fun, funny, gives us interesting characters, has effects which stand the test of time even 29 years later, and is just a wonderful ride. Hoskins’ performance and the animation are the true standouts here, but that is not to discredit any of the other amazing aspects of the film. A true joy to watch all the way through.

[cultogram]

Ogram Video Script

Scene 1:

On a busy street corner a women stands with a long robe passing out ‘Ogram Truth’ pamphlets. Mike walks into the scene. He walks by and begins to wave off the devotee but then does a changes his mind and takes a pamphlet. The women bows her head with approval and Mike walks away.

Scene 2:

Back in Mike’s home Mike is seated in a cozy chair. Looking tired he takes his shoes off, massages his feet, coughs a lot and sips a cup of coffee.

He discovers he is uncomfortable and realizes it is because he is sitting on the pamphlet. He pulls it out of his back pocket and a pair of glasses falls out. The camera zooms into the pamphlet and blurs out…

Scene 3:

Cut to Mike’s lap and hands where we are zoomed into the front of the pamphlet. Mike opens the pamphlet and we see the three inside images. He turns to the back of the pamphlet which we see contains a 1-800 number.

Scene 4:

Mike is sitting in the chair staring at the back of the pamphlet quizzically. He decides to put on the glasses and look around the room. He drums his hands on his legs and then decides to pick up the phone. He stares at the back of the pamphlet while dialing the #. A look of recognition sweeps across Mike’s face as hears the different options.

(VOICEOVER OF A SMOOTH OPERATOR’S VOICE)

“Hello and welcome to the Supreme Master Ogram’s Hotline.” “Press 1 for Supreme Master’s message of Truth, Prosperity and New planetary Dimensions, Press 2 for Supreme Master’s rejuvenating cleanse recipes, Press 3 for Supreme Master’s chant of the day, Press 4 for Supreme Master’s ‘Move Your Way and Make it onto Planet Ogram’ clothing line.”

Scene Five:

He then dials 1 on his phone’s keypad and bring the phone back to his ear. The camera zooms very close in on Mike’s face and then blurs into Ogram’s smiling face.

Scene Six:

(Montage Scene) Supreme Ogram is seen meditating in the forest, walking along a trail, preparing fresh food, caring for children and sick people.

Scene Seven:

Montage ends and cuts to Ogram seated in close proximity to the camera. She is youthful, vibrant, clean and warm in appearance. She smiles at the camera and begins speaking.

(VOICE OF OGRAM DEVOTEE)

“Have you wondered, ‘What is the point to all of this?”

“What is my purpose?”

“When will life slow down and I can dot dot dot dot… fill in the blank..”

“As the world slowly crumbles around us, mother earth cries (PAUSE) What are we doing?!!”

(LONG PAUSE)

“I felt this way and then I found the truth.”

(Long pause and then she continues.)

“One day, while taking the trash out, I heard something rustling in the bottom of the can.”

Scene Eight:  

Closeup on some trash can wheels going down a driveway.

Scene Nine:  

Shot of the bottom of a dark trashcan. You can hear a rustling and a crying.

Scene Ten:  

You see a hand pull  something small out of the can. The hand is closed and you can’t see what is in it.

(VOICEOVER OF OGRAM DEVOTEE CONTIN.)

“I looked in to see it was a —— crying. I pulled the —- out and saw it was very sick. So, I took it inside. I began to slowly nurse it back to health. After two weeks ——- opened its eyes and said to me,”

Scene Eleven:

Ogram devotee seated in chair holding in her hand the small thing she found in the trashcan. She  pets it, whispers to it and then holds it to her ear, listening intently.

(VOICEOVER of Ogram)

“You have taken such good care of me. When I was discarded and left to die you picked me up and held me. You were not afraid of my ugly ——- and instead chose to see the light and life deep inside of me. You have proven that you are the one, the chosen one to share my good message. You see, everything will soon be destroyed. Mother earth will no longer cry and those who are willing to cleanse themselves of this evil world will survive to the next planet, Planet Ogram.”

“Now listen carefully, time is running out! You must share my message of truth and Ogramic cleansing. Many will ridicule and laugh at you. Even those close to you will try to tear you away from me.

But take comfort. They will be destroyed!

Humanity is blind, unenlightened, slovenly and sick. They are slaves to the ancient evil spirit NATAAAAAS.”

Scene Twelve:

Seated behind an image of flames NATAAAAS, the ancient demon spirit, dances around and terrifies the viewer.

Scene Thirteen:

Back to the seated Ogram devotee. She clutches Ogram, attempting to protect it and looks scared.

(Contin. VOICEOVER of Ogram)

“Follow me, keep me close to your heart and I will keep you safe from NATAAASSS.”

Scene Fourteen:  

Ogram devotee collects herself, sits down and faces the camera. With deep intensity she says,

“The world is on fire! People are dying. Right now a polar bear is floating on an icecube.”

Scene Fifteen:  

(Ogram Devotee Voiceover)

Laying behind a green screen of terrifying imagery (tornadoes, fire, people running and screaming, APOCOLYPTIC IMAGERY) We see the Ogram devotee wearing the protective breast plate and then it cuts to her wearing the protective breast plate and the cone of peace and then the goggles and then the watch.

“Please call now and order your protective breast plate and cone of peace. Included are a free pair of upward eye goggles and a countdown to armageddon wrist watch.” “Call, time is running out.”

Scene Sixteen:

Camera travels back to Mike sitting in his living room, in his chair. He looks concerned, stares into space and then shakes himself from his trance, hangs up the phone and takes the glasses off. He stands up.

Scene Seventeen:

We see the side of Mike’s face and see he is looking out the window at a beautiful tree. Mike looks all of a sudden startled and leans away from the window attempting to not be seen by what he sees outside.

Scene Eighteen:

Camera cuts to a wide shot of the window. We see NATAAAAS standing on the sidewalk walking his dog. He stops in the middle of the camera’s vision and begins to pick up his dog’s poop. As he is kneeling and midway thru picking up the poop he stares directly up at the window and into the camera.

Scene Nineteen:

Cut to the scene of the front door. Door opens and Mike walks out looking frazzled and shaky. He closes the door behing him and locks it. He walks down the stairs and out of frame.

Scene Twenty:

Shot of a car and a driveway. Mike gets in the car and drives out of the driveway.

Scene Twenty-One:

Shot of Mike driving in the car (taken from the passenger seat.) We see him making turns and stopping at intersections. He comes to a stop sign and hears someone honking behind him. Looking agitated he looks into his rear-view mirror.

Scene Twenty-Two:

A shot of the rear view mirror. We see Mike’s face and NATTASSSS. NAATASSS is screaming and making hand gestures. Mike looks REALLY freaked out and we see him freeze in paranoia.

Scene Twenty-Three:

Camera is now positioned behind Mike in the car as he makes his hasty approach back to his home and up the driveway.

Scene Twenty-Four:

Camera is positioned on the stairway leading up to the house. Mike runs into the scene, up the stairs, into the house and slams the door.

Scene Twenty-Five:

Shot of living room and chair. Mike runs in and picks up the phone. He stays standing as he dials the OGRAM hotline. (Mike is positioned to the side of the camera and alternates between his right and left foot with nervous energy.)

(VOICEOVER OF SMOOTH OPERATOR BEGINS)

“Hello and welcome to the Supreme Master Ogram’s Hotline.” “Press 1…”

(The voice is CUT ABRUPTLY as Mike dials a number, listens and then dials some more numbers.)

Scene Twenty-Six:

Shot of a bed, sheets strewn everywhere and Mike is asleep in awkward position. He hears a doorbell and it jostles him awake.

Scene Twenty-Seven:

(Camera positioned behind Mike.) Mike (wearing a robe) looks thru the peephole. The camera moves out and then we see Mike open the door. We see a box sitting on the ground.

Scene Twenty-Eight:

Camera is now back in Mike’s bedroom. Camera is still positioned behind Mike. Mike is looking at the bed where the box lays. He opens the box and looks inside.

Scene Twenty-Nine:

Cut to the kitchen. Mike walks into the scene wearing the whole regalia (except cone of peace) over his work clothes. He looks confident, his chest is puffed up and begins to make breakfast.

Scene Thirty:

Camera is above Mike and the stove. We see Mike frying an egg. As he is frying he hears the doorbell ring.

Scene Thirty-One:

Camera is at the bottom of the stairs. We see Mike running down the stairs and walk out of frame. Camera stays on the stairs as we hear Mike opening the door, shutting the door and then running back up the stairs with another box.

Scene Thirty-Two:

Mike is standing on a busy street corner wearing his full Ogram regalia. Passing out pamphlets.