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lofitojii · 4 years ago

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ONE SHOT: A Simple Crush

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Summary: You’re a costume designer for Pro Heroes, pretty well known in the industry. You take on a new Pro Hero as a client, doing your best to make sure all of your costumes are up to hero level. You start to think that you’re doing something wrong with your designs when Red Riot, the new Pro Hero, keeps coming back with a damaged costume only to find out, it was his excuse to see you.

♡ Word Count: 2.8k

♡ Content: Fluff

♡ Kirishima x Female Reader

A/N: this was so much fun to write. It’s a little different than some of my other work, being similar to the Hawks one shot. Tbh, if I were in the MHA world, I would be best friends with Kirishima and Kaminari just based on personality. I hope you enjoy! :)

KIRISHIMA POV: The cool thing about being a Pro Hero is well, okay there’s a lot of cool things. Like the whole saving people, fighting bad guys, the media recognition thing. To be honest, I think all of it’s cool, but let me tell you how excited I am to have my hero costume designed by none other than Y/N. Ah man, she’s so badass at what she does and makes some seriously insane costumes. But that’s not the main reason why I asked for her to do it. I mean yes it’s going to be awesome to have a high tech costume, but I really did it to get to know her.

I saw her on TV one time, she did an interview with Hawks about his costume design and I couldn’t tell you what the interview was about because I was too busy just staring at her. That sounds super creepish but I promise I’m not trying to be creepy. You get it, right? Like you see someone on TV or something and you fall in love like, almost immediately? Yeah, that’s how I would explain what happened. I have a crush and thank god I’m a Pro Hero now so I have a reason to talk to her.

I stood outside the office building that was towering over the city. It was huge, her floor being on the 18th. I was fidgety in the elevator, trying to think of what I was going to say to her. God, I’m so nervous. Watch, knowing me, I’m going to say something stupid and she’s gonna think I’m an idiot.

“Hi, how can I help you?” I walked up to the front desk, letting the clerk know I was here for Y/N who was running behind due to a meeting. That’s fine, I’ve got all the time in the word to wait for her. This just gives me time to think of what I want to say.

“Hey there beautiful!” No. Too forward.

“Why hello there. Come here often?” What the fuck? She works here.

“Hi.” Oh my god, I’m going to make a complete fool of myself!!

While I waited, I decided to flip through the meaningless magazines that were placed on a side table. I’m too nervous to focus on anything but if I just sit here, people are going to think I’m a weirdo for fidgeting so much.

The elevator made its dinging noise, signaling that someone was about to walk out. My heart is pacing so fast, it feels like it’s going to burst through my chest. When you walked out, it felt as if time froze, my vision blurring out the surrounding area, leaving you clear as day in my eyes. “God, you’re so beautiful.”

“Haha, thank you sir,” you giggled. GIGGLED! My heart is literally about to jump out of my throat. “You must be Kirishima, it’s nice to meet you! I’m Y/N. If you would follow me this way, we can talk in my office.” I was actually speechless, at a loss for words as I stood there in front of you. I feel so dumb, say something you idiot!!!

“I’m sorry, about that out there,” I nervously scratched the back of my head. My cheeks felt so warm, not to mention I can feel myself sweating. Holy shit, this is weird, I’ve never felt like this before. “I’m just a big fan of yours.”

“Don’t think too much about it,” you waved your hand, a smile still spread across your face. “You’re too kind, really. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t blush a little bit.” I made YOU blush? This day just keeps getting better. “Now, Kirishima, you didn’t fill out our form and the one from UA is rather old. What were you thinking, design wise?”

“To be honest, I chose you because I feel like you’d know better than I would. I really liked the one I got from UA, that’s why I just attached it to your form.” I am so nervous, my hands are so clammy and I feel rather embarrassed I didn’t fill out your form, but honestly I’m just trying to draw out the time I spend here.

“Not a problem. I already have your measurements,” you said, tapping your temple, referring to your eyes, I’m assuming. “My quirk let’s me take measurements of every body part. I see the numbers as soon as I make eye contact with you.” Wait, did you just say EVERY body part? You began to laugh, noticing my change in mood after you explained your quirk to me. “Don’t worry. I don’t measure down there.”

“What? I mean, no! That’s not- You can if you- I mean-” Oh my god, I sound like a babbling idiot. I’m doing a really good job at keeping my crush a secret, aren’t I? You were still laughing, your laugh so infectious. You really have such a beautiful laugh, I want to hear it all the time.

“Oh Kirishima, I’m excited to work with you. I’ll give you a call once it’s ready for you.” And like that, our meeting was done. I made a complete fool of myself but you said you were excited to work with me, and that was enough for me to leave feeling confident.

You called me a couple days later, giving me the OK to come back in to try on the new costume you had designed for me. I showed up more excited about the fact I get to see you, and yeah, the costume is cool too, I guess.

You came up with such an awesome idea, the material being durable, room for the growth of my quirk. It was everything I expected and more, but honestly that doesn’t really surprise me. You’re quite amazing at your job. With this being said, with my costume being done, times I get to see you are very limited, so I have to take matters into my own hands on this one.

“Hey Y/n,” I said, walking into your office. You look so cute today with your black business suit and that slicked back pony. You look so professional and business like. I wonder what a normal day is for you. I bet everyone thinks highly of you, I mean how could they not?

“Hey Kirishima! How can I help you?” You looked up at me with those beautiful, glossy eyes of yours. I could barely make out the crosshairs in your left eye but the slight discoloration made it a little easier.

“Bad news,” I scratched the back of my head, placing the ripped costume on your desk. You jumped up, holding the torn fabric in between your fingers. You furrowed your eyebrows together, giving me a small glare that both excited and scared me.

“What did you do?”

“Ripped it?”

“Kirishima…”

“What!? You’re literally holding it in your hands. I don’t know how else to put it when the evidence is right there.” You let out a deep sigh, shaking your head.

“Alright well I guess we’ll give you the second design. This one was so good though, how did it rip?” ‘Cause I ripped it in battle on purpose so I had a reason to come and see you. Wasn’t about to say that out loud, but that’s my truth, Y/n.

You handed me the second design, warning me to be careful with this one but to be honest, I don’t care how much money I spend on these damn things. This time, I’ll wait a little longer to come back. I waited a whole two weeks instead of one so you wouldn’t pick up on my little plan here.

“Don’t tell me…” You crossed your arms, this time you were in more of a laid back outfit. Leggings and a hoodie and holy shit, do you look incredible. Not to mention your ass- “Kirishima, what on earth do you keep doing that you keep ripping your outfits?”

“The guys I’ve been going up against have all happened to have sharp like quirks?”

“Even so, I designed it so it was a lot harder to rip. I specifically designed this one so it would withstand your ultimate move so it doesn’t make sense…”

“I don’t know, I just fight ya know?” You were closer today, but you still couldn’t figure it out, even though you looked like you were deep in thought for most of our meeting. I promise you Y/N, I’ll tell you when the time is right. I just need excuses to come and see you until I have enough courage to ask you out.

“Okay well are you able to stay a little longer today? Maybe do a few test runs of these other designs?” I nodded in agreement, following you to the testing center. I would’ve stayed longer to help you with anything, even taking the garbage out. You seemed frustrated but in the grand scheme of things, I’m doing all of this until I feel like I’m ready to ask you out. I’m not really good with talking to girls, let alone asking them out. I’m just nervous, I really don’t want to screw this up with you because I’ve truly never felt like this before. You make me feel different, every time I’m around you, I get mad butterflies. That’s not normal for me.

“Alright Kirishima, go ahead and use your quirk as much as you can. I don’t want you to exhaust yourself.” I did what you said, the costume holding up to my power. I even pulled out my ultimate, the costume returning to my size when time ran out. You are truly incredible at what you do. “Good, now we’re gonna send out some testing bots. Don’t worry about breaking them, that’s what they’re for. The lasers do hurt though, so please be careful.”

“No need to worry about me,” I said, crashing my fists together. You let the robots out, immediately shooting out lasers as they had me in their vision. You were right, the lasers do hurt, but they barely made a mark on the new costume. Damn it Y/N, you’re just too good aren’t you.

The tests ran for a couple hours, and during that time I tried my best to warm up to you, or I guess have you warm up to me. I did everything I could to make you laugh, to really make you notice me other than just another hero here to get their costume made. I love your laugh, Y/N. I want to hear it all the time. Today was so special in my eyes, I think we made really good progress, but next time I don’t think I can come back due to a ripped costume. This one was perfect, you really went all out. It had to be more of a pride thing, but then again I’m just assuming.

The next time I went back, I asked for you to add a belt for small weapons like a net or something to help restrain villains. I didn’t want to upset you by damaging my costume again, I think it was actually hurting you inside to see the costume destroyed like that. I get it Y/N, you take a lot of pride in your work. The time is coming close though, I really think we’re getting to a point where it won’t be awkward if I asked you out.

“I didn’t mean for this to take this long,” you apologized as we waited for the belt to be made. I didn’t do anything this time, it was the machine’s own issues that prolonged my visit, which I’m not complaining about. “If you wanted, you can leave and come back tomorrow to get it.”

“No it’s okay,” I assured you. “I don’t mind waiting. Plus it’s getting late, I don’t want you walking out there by yourself.” You were shocked by my offer, my comment making you… Blush? No way, did I just make you blush? Without having to call you pretty? Oh my god.

“Thank you.” You were shy. I caused you to get all shy! I know this sounds so lame but this means that I’m on the right track! Or at least, that’s what the internet told me.

It took about an hour for the belt to be completed, but within that time, we talked. We actually had a conversation. I told you about my UA days, talked about my family and my friends. The whole time, you seemed so invested, asking questions, referring to earlier topics letting me know you were actually listening. And when you told me about your life, I was in awe. You were incredible, every memory you mentioned being more exciting and interesting than the last. You told me about how you haven’t dated anyone in years because you were so focused on your career. You had made it though and I knew you were upset about not having someone to love. The way you spoke, so poetic and honest. You didn’t have to tell me you were upset, it lingered in your emotion, even though you ended your statement with a smile.

“I haven’t dated anyone either,” I admitted, adding on to your subject. “To be honest, I’m not very good with talking to girls.”

“That’s not true. I mean I’ve had a wonderful time talking to you.”

“Me too, actually.” My palms were sweaty, clammy to the touch. My face was heating up, I could tell you noticed, your own cheeks becoming rosey. This was it, this was my chance. “Hey Y/N, can I tell you something?”

“Of- Of course,” you stuttered. I let out a deep exhale, squeezing my thighs as I tried to form what I wanted to say. I could tell you were just as nervous. Stop that, I’m going to choke on my own spit if you keep staring at me with those big doe eyes of yours.

“The last two time I ripped my costume? Yeah that was on purpose.” You just laughed, shaking your head in response.

“I kinda figured,” you replied. “I didn’t want to assume anything so I just didn’t bother questioning it.”

“Yeah well, I did it cause I needed some kind of excuse to come and see you.” I couldn’t make eye contact. I was both nervous and embarrassed and I really didn’t want to upset you, please understand.

“Kirishima,” you took my hand in yours, rubbing your dainty fingers across my bruised knuckles. “You could’ve just asked me out. I was excited every time you came back and not to mention our first interaction was you calling me beautiful.”

“You remember that?”

“And why wouldn’t I?” It went silent, I couldn’t pull my hand away. You were so shy, and to be honest I was nervous as hell. But I did what any courageous hero would, I leaned over and kissed you. In that moment, I kind of blacked out, nerves really taking over my entire body. I was surprised by your actions though as you leaned back into the kiss, your hand that was once holding mine found its way up to my cheek. You were so gentle, your hand and lips so soft. I couldn’t believe what was happening, it all felt so surreal. But here you were, here I was, kissing you, you kissing me back.

You pulled away, your cheeks completely flushed. “I’m sorry,” you apologized, turning away from me.

“Hey,” I whispered, turning your head back so I could reassure you. “I kissed you first because I wanted to.” You didn’t answer, you were too flustered, holding back whatever it is you wanted to say to me. So I took a shot in the dark, if you could even say it was in the dark with how you reacted to my kiss. “Y/N, can I take you out?”

“Rip another one of my costumes and I’ll beat your ass,” you joked, pointing your finger in my face. “But yes, I will.”

God, you’re so beautiful.

#kirishima x reader #kirishima imagine #kirishima x female reader #kirishima fic #my hero academia #my hero academia x reader #my hero academia fic #anime #anime fic #anime x reader #anime fluff #kirishima fluff #bnha #bnha kirishima

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et-lesailes · 5 years ago

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missing linc // chapter one

pairing: ceo!steve x reader

word count: 2670

series summary: you are a college student working at a daycare full time during your summer break, and you have grown especially fond of one of the toddlers in your class, lincoln rogers. you are certainly not expecting to develop such a huge crush on his dad steve when you meet him for the first time, but you can’t help but be attracted to the businessman– despite the fact that he’s married. however, as intelligent and mature as steve comes across, he has a few secrets behind his marriage- one in particular he may never be able to make up for.

series themes: romance, drama, age gap, infidelity, smut in later chapters

chapter summary: reader meets steve rogers for the first time.

taglist: @viarogers , @evanstush , @chibi-crazy , @chalamet-evans , @world-of-losers , @songforhema, @sebabestianstan101 , @tanyam93 , @bval-1, @wonderwinchester , @little-miss-exo, @poerebel , @pining-and-tired , @gogomez-509 , @patzammit, @a-distantdreamer, @malthestorytellerblog, @rainbowkisses31, @jbug491writinghelp, @quaiderade, @melannie77, @gigistorm, @lille-kattunge, @teller258316, @rohaintahquil, @deidrashouseofpain, @firstangeldragonranch, @peach-acid, @allsortsofinterests, @xoxabs88xox, @honeyloverogers, @capsiclesdoll, @qrndevans, @mcueveryday, @drkstrangeson

note: tbh this is inspired from my real life job at a daycare except the only difference is that nothing has happened yet from my crush on a hot dad but heY who knows what the future holds!!!

** please send an ask if you would like to be added to the taglist! also shoutout to @thewritingdoll for the graphic!

You exhaled loudly as you finally got a moment to relax, one of the program support staff of the daycare currently covering for you so you could go to the bathroom.

You absolutely loved working with kids and were striving to be in the field of developmental psychology one day-- but for now, while you were still working on your bachelor’s degree, working at a daycare where you could at least observe and work with kids and their development would have to do. You loved every second of it, but it was certainly exhausting taking care of eighteen toddlers. Thankfully, you had the help of other toddler teachers; there was no way you could have done it yourself.

You had only just recently switched to working full days; now that it was summer vacation, you could work from 9 to 6 as a closer rather than only going for a few hours here and there before or after your classes. It was your third day of working full time, and while it was a lot, you were still happy with the job.

You felt especially attached to one of your toddlers. Lincoln Rogers, or more commonly referred to as Linc, was a bright, happy, and cheeky boy, and although he had his naughty moments, he just had so much personality you could not help but be in love. He seemed to be especially fond of you too, constantly following you around, liking to cling to you, and even crying when you left for your lunch break.

He had blonde hair, shining blue eyes, and was quite big for being only eighteen months old; he practically looked like a two-year-old already, what with his head full of hair and his adorable clothes. He often wore cute little polos and colored shorts or cool, dark “jeans”, only of course, made more comfortable than actual denim in order to better suit a child.

You had only ever seen his mother, Tiana, drop him off and pick him up, and based on her appearance, it seemed like the boy had inherited a majority of his looks from his father. She had chestnut brown hair and matching eyes, and was on the more petite side compared to her son who was probably in the 95th percentile for his height. She seemed nice enough, always polite with you and thanking you for taking care of him, but you could see that she always seemed so tired, so stressed. Was it work? Personal problems? Did it have to do with why Dad was never picking up? For obvious reasons, you could not ask these things, but being so attached to Linc, you wish you knew just to satisfy your intrusive curiosity.

It had been about a week into your new schedule when you would finally meet Dad, and the day of, before you even knew anything about it, the staff was absolutely buzzing. When your co-teacher, Stephanie, walked into the room that morning wearing a slightly low cut shirt, you glanced at her chest before looking to her, eyebrow raised in amusement. “What?” she asked defensively, giggling. “Yesterday at pick up, Linc’s mom said that Dad is dropping off this morning. I know you haven’t met this man yet, but trust me, he is gorgeous.” You were immediately intrigued. Not because of his apparent good looks (okay, maybe slightly because of his apparent good looks), but because you would finally be able to place a face to the father figure in Linc’s life, the little boy who you practically saw as your own baby. In as non-creepy of a way as possible. “What’s he like?” you asked curiously, simultaneously keeping your eye on the few children in the room that had been dropped off early. “He’s only a literal God,” another teacher scoffed as she walked in, having overheard your question. “We are talking about Steve, right?”

“Brittany, you’re not even a toddler teacher,” you said to her with an amused laugh, arching an eyebrow. “What are you doing in this room and why are you on a first name basis with his dad?”

“Leanna is with the preschoolers, I don’t need to be there too!” she defended herself playfully before fanning herself in an exaggerated lustful gesture. “Before you worked here, I would help out in the toddler room sometimes. I only knew Tiana then, but she asked if I could babysit this one time. When I went over, I met Steve- they were both getting ready to go on a date or something. And Y/N, let me tell you,” she paused, letting out a whistle, “this man is beautiful. Linc’s a little replica of him- the blond hair, blue eyes, and he’s so tall. Probably slightly over six feet.” You listened in awe, cocking your head. “How come he never usually drops him off or picks him up?”

“He’s a CEO,” Stephanie answered, sighing dreamily. “So as you can imagine, he’s pretty busy. Meetings, calls, traveling all the time-- I guess he happens to be in town now. And you can bet he’s going to walk in here in a suit and tie, one that probably costs more than all my past paychecks put together.”

You looked down at your own outfit, consisting of a tee from the college you attended and leggings. Because it was a daycare job, it was not really necessary to dress up considering you had babies spitting up on you or smearing dirt on you when they went in for hugs. Still, you found yourself suddenly feeling a little self-conscious, even though you knew that was ridiculous. “He travels a lot?” you asked, trying to distract yourself from your simple wardrobe. “So I guess Linc doesn’t get to see him too often, then?” Such a thought seemed sad.

“Oh, no. That man loves his son way too much. Even if he’s all the way in London or Tokyo, he flies back for the weekend just to be able to see his family. Even though Linc doesn’t see him as much as Mom, you should see the bond they have.” Brittany sighed, shaking her head adoringly. “God, it’s so hot when a man knows how to be a father.”

“I need him to be my daddy,” Stephanie commented, and you laughed loudly, playfully nudging her. “There are innocent children in here, would you chill?” She laughed too, going over to scoop one of the girls up, bouncing her and making her laugh. “It’s okay, they don’t understand yet!”

You were about to ask Brittany what Steve’s relationship with Tiana was like, just out of curiosity, but then another parent came in the classroom. Turning to greet him and his son, you couldn’t help but feel impatient and excited, wanting to finally be able to meet Linc’s dad.

It was nearly 10:15 AM and still no sign of Linc; all the kids were generally dropped off by 9:30, considering that most parents had to go straight to work after, and you wondered if he would be coming at all today seeing that he was normally there before you even came in for your shift.

You were standing by the baby slide outside, supervising the kids playing on it when the door to the playground opened. As you looked up to see who it was, your breath was practically taken away.

He was just as Brittany described. Tall, blond, piercing eyes-- you could not see them up close just yet, but they already looked pretty. He was carrying Linc in one arm and you could see the shocking resemblance between the two, their facial features practically identical let alone the hair and eyes. Linc was generally a pretty happy child, but he looked even more ecstatic now, practically glowing as he bounced around in his father’s hold. You were incredibly confused at how such a scene could be so painstakingly adorable and so sinfully sexy at the same time. Brittany was right, a man who could be a father was hot, and his looks definitely helped too. Stephanie had also been correct; he was adorned in a very expensive looking suit, matched with a blue tie that complemented his pacific hues.

“Hi, Steve!” Stephanie greeted, and you watched her come over to him with a wide smile on her face. “Hey there, Linc! Look at you, you happy little man! Are you happy that Daddy’s back in town?” You chuckled as you watched; she was not being over-the-top simply for Steve, she was always this happy and playful around the children and you respected her for not letting this bizarrely gorgeous man disrupt that. “Hey there, Miss Stephanie.” Steve greeted in return, and you bit your lip from hearing his deep voice, wondering if this man had any flaws. “Sorry we’re late. I took the morning off today to spend some quality time with the little man. I should have let you guys know,” he apologized, eyes now scanning for the other teacher, then blinked as he saw you. “Oh, hi there. Are you new?” he asked with a charming smile, and you forced yourself to get it together.

“Yes, hi!” You walked over, though still making sure the children were in your periphery. “I’m Miss Y/N, I’ve actually been working part time here for a while but I just recently switched to full time.” You explained, then smiled as you reached out to playfully poke Linc’s cheek. “And I absolutely love this little guy! He’s such a sweetheart.”

Linc immediately giggled upon seeing you, suddenly reaching his arms out towards you. Steve blinked before chuckling intrigued, cocking his head. “Wow. I rarely see him do that with anyone. You already ready to leave Daddy for Miss Y/N, huh, tiger?” he asked him playfully, mocking offense. He handed him to you, handsome smile still gracing his lips. “He must really like you. Though I’m not surprised, he always likes the pretty girls.”

He said it so casually, your shocked brain could not even fully process that it was a flirtation-- he was already looking back towards Stephanie as if his comment was a perfectly natural thing to say in conversation with someone he had just met. “I’ll come pick him up too, I’ll probably be here around 5:30.” Looking back at you and him, he smiled and leaned down, kissing his son’s head. He was so close you could smell his cologne, even his minty breath. “I love you,” he spoke in a deep rumble, and your heart practically sighed. “Be good, kiddo. Don’t drive these ladies too crazy.” He straightened up again before winking at you, then turned around to head back inside.

You were standing there still in shock, but when you heard a whimper slowly sound from Linc’s throat upon seeing his father was gone, you snapped back to reality. “Shhh,” you comforted him, running your fingers through his blonde locks. “He said he’s coming to pick you up tonight! You’ll see him before you know it, okay?” The little boy sniffled and buried his face in your neck, hugging you tightly.

“Um, so, is he like that with everyone?” you asked Stephanie in reference to Steve, turning to her still a little bit in disbelief over what had just happened. She even looked shocked herself, scoffing amused. “Uh, no? I’ve never seen him flirt like that. Ugh, you’re so lucky.” You blinked and cocked your head. “Doesn’t he have a wife, though…? I mean, he and Tiana are married, right?” Stephanie nodded but made a slight face as if to indicate it was a bit more complicated than that. “I don’t know anything for sure, obviously, but something definitely seems off about that relationship. The only time I’ve seen them together was for Linc’s enrollment meeting, and… they didn’t really seem like they were vibing, you know? It wasn’t like they were arguing or upset with each other, it just seemed like they barely even knew or wanted to know each other. It was so weird, I had never seen a couple like that before.” She shook her head, continuing as she leaned over to pull a rock out of a kid's hand before he could eat it, “I mean, how could you not want to know that man? He’s practically an angel.”

You frowned thoughtfully. “Brittany said they had been getting ready to go on a date though, that one time she babysat. Maybe it had just been an off day for them when you saw them?” She shrugged her shoulders, though still looked uncertain. “I don’t know. After what I saw, it’s hard to imagine them even eating dinner in the same house. But who knows.” Stepping forward, she stroked Linc’s hair too, playfully poking at his hip to tickle him slightly. “What I do know, though, is that they definitely make cute babies!”

You smiled and nodded in agreement, deciding to drop the subject. It wasn’t any of your business anyways, the gossip simply kept you and your coworkers entertained through the hours of singing children's songs and chasing around hyperactive toddlers all day. Still, you could not help but think of that damn smile and wink for the rest of the day, even blushing like a little schoolgirl upon remembering Steve calling you pretty. As a twenty year old, you were more used to being called cute if anything at all, and so the compliment coming from a grown man (and a very attractive one at that) meant all the more.

#steve rogers x reader #steve rogers fanfiction #steve rogers au #steve rogers smut #steve rogers x you #ml #ceo!steve

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punkscowardschampions · 4 years ago

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Jimmy & Janis

Jimmy: [obviously it's actually ages later so she clearly isn't coming back but it's also enough time that we can pretend we're fine and joke about it and that she might not reply until even later cos christmas so we feel safe to just be like nbd lol] Jimmy: *g2g Jimmy: or piss off would've worked an' all Jimmy: far as a christmas classic goes Janis: yeah, they was up Janis: you know how it goes from there Janis: didn't reckon comparing notes was gonna be any more thrilling than living it, yeah? Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: [a picture of Bobby timestamped to show how early he actually was up like yep] Janis: Ouch Janis: how buzzing was he then Janis: 😀 😃 😄 😁 😆 😅 😂 🤣 scale Jimmy: off it Janis: 👍 Jimmy: Where was his best mate on the scale? Janis: pretty solid and manic 😆 Janis: bit of a wobble when she had to eat her lunch and stop playing with all the shit she got Janis: but what's 😂 without some 😭 Jimmy: #same obvs Jimmy: might just be Ian's cooking making me 😭 though Janis: I'll let her know Janis: feel well reassured and #seen Janis: Sharon didn't show? Jimmy: I know, mate we're all 💔 by her empty chair Jimmy: my mum neither, funnily enough Jimmy: pisstaking lack of miracles about Janis: We did see Jesus and Santa out on it so Janis: lads aren't on top form Jimmy: if he hadn't drank the 🥛 she might've appeared, needing a bit for her ☕ Jimmy: SUCH a selfish dickhead Janis: spin the trope on it's head Janis: clever Janis: could've been picking up more 🚬 too Jimmy: she left them behind, as NYE resolutions go 🚭 is a bit cliche but Jimmy: you crack on, Debbie Janis: far as parting gifts go Janis: so so at best Jimmy: Dunno I were chuffed with it Janis: of course, birth of 😎 boy Jimmy: weren't like I could follow in her footsteps out the door Jimmy: piss poor #originstory that Jimmy: have to fake it Janis: #relatable Jimmy: Duh Jimmy: when ain't we on the same page? Janis: have to 🤞 they'd never put this shit to paper Janis: poorly written fanfic and a netflix original that tanks, fine Jimmy: what could be more #goals? Jimmy: ✔✔ Janis: nothing, obviously Jimmy: 🖋🩸 it is then Janis: can sell my soul no problem Janis: good luck cashing that one in boys Jimmy: me an' all Jimmy: any organs going Jimmy: won't be doing receipts, goes without saying Janis: careful how you word that one Janis: get a bit #metoo Jimmy: open to a bit of castration, since you asked Janis: Christmas does remind you of why not to have kids, right Jimmy: if nowt else Jimmy: can't all be Libis 💔 Janis: if you wanna chat to her form an orderly queue behind your brother, like Jimmy: 🎻🎻 Jimmy: 2nd choice AGAIN Janis: who else put you 🥈? Jimmy: who HASN'T, babes 😭😭😭 Janis: oh, always the bridesmaid Janis: very you Jimmy: bit weird in this context, don't reckon we can marry off kids or spread about that I wanna wife up Libi so I were avoiding it but Janis: if the baby pink/lilac dress fits darling Jimmy: baby pink like my 😳 OBVS Jimmy: can't have a clash Janis: bad enough you're the oldest and fattest, christ Jimmy: way to drag me by my unflattering weave, hun Janis: Hate for you to make a show of yourself Janis: say these things for your own good 😘 Jimmy: tah Jimmy: I get waiting til your nan is more pissed but don't forget to secure my child bride for tomorrow 😘 Janis: They said yes already Janis: leaving out your intentions, obviously Janis: not that keen to get rid of her Jimmy: we're all chuffed she ain't gotta go in the boot Janis: radio and sweets should suffice in shutting her up Janis: for a bit, anyway Janis: no miracles occurring here either Jimmy: again #same Jimmy: so much in common, me and her Janis: sorry but no one is gonna ship this one Jimmy: PROPERLY starcrossed, what a dream Jimmy: off you fuck, tah Janis: rude Janis: and you won't be able to kidnap her without my help so at least keep me on side 'til then, moron Jimmy: challenge accepted Jimmy: know where she lives and how to shut her up so Janis: yeah, but you don't know how to call off her KILLER dog Janis: checkmate, asswipe Jimmy: I'll have a google, be alright Janis: get your face ripped off, please Janis: get rid of the need for any of this Jimmy: SO romantic, you Jimmy: I'll miss you Jimmy: but bit rude if you ain't allowed to get married without a face Jimmy: bet the tories sorted that Janis: like fuck Janis: your outside'll just reflect the monster within Janis: easier to 🔎 even for the idiots about this way Janis: she'll get saved in no time and you'll get to be behind bars like you wanna ⛓💘 Jimmy: LITERALLY can't deal with these compliments rn tbh Jimmy: or that happy ending Janis: 💦 comes but once a year Jimmy: get your 🧠💭💕 off 🎅 it's OVER, Jodie Jimmy: he's already forgotten you Janis: he's literally all I've got Janis: fuck you Jimmy: delete your 📞 history and move on Jimmy: you've got the 🎁🎁 lads are good for nowt else Janis: I believe, thanks Janis: unlike you you bitter cow Jimmy: UGH, get a grip, babes Janis: 🤢 this is far too much like talking to actual Gracie Jimmy: won't insist on a 🏆 Jimmy: nowt challenging about doing a decent impression of any of 'em Janis: bit rude you've faked being impressed before now then Jimmy: for me, I'm a well better actor than you, girl Janis: if you reckon that then my job here is done Janis: all the 🏆🏆 for me Jimmy: 🙄 Janis: yeah, that kinda day Jimmy: you gonna turn this one around for me an' all? Janis: is that what you want? Jimmy: isn't that what you want? Janis: if you're saying I reckon I always can, like a saviour complex, then nah Janis: but if you're just asking if I still want to see you, then, yeah Jimmy: if either of us would have a complex like that, it's gotta be me as a white lad, come on Janis: alright Janis: I'll come Jimmy: alright Janis: I know today is shit Janis: we don't need to pretend otherwise Jimmy: didn't reckon we were Janis: yeah Jimmy: ? Janis: It is a stupid question Janis: but aside from the obvious, are you alright? Jimmy: are you? Janis: Yeah, pretty much Janis: so what's wrong? Jimmy: how much of the obvious are we putting aside? Janis: that the kids would be a bit gutted about your mum and the food and craic from your dad would be a bit shit Janis: in a nutshell Janis: so go on Jimmy: I'll live Janis: you don't wanna tell me, do you Jimmy: nowt to tell, it's shit, you already said it Janis: okay Jimmy: if you can believe in 🎅 you can take my word for it Janis: I am Janis: okay means 👌 Jimmy: 👍 Janis: we don't need to have an entire 👌👍 back and forth Janis: I'll 💬 when I'm close and you can keep being alright Jimmy: you started it, mate Jimmy: don't be a spoilsport Janis: go on then Janis: have your fun, it ain't mine Jimmy: 🗨 to me dickhead Janis: talk back to me Jimmy: I am Janis: not properly Janis: it's gone funny again Jimmy: what do you want me to say? Janis: I don't know Janis: just what you want Jimmy: I never said I were any good with words Janis: I'll survive Janis: let's just be Janis: like normal, business as usual Jimmy: I thought you were gonna write business casual, like there's an Ian approved dress code Jimmy: 🤏 gutted Janis: I have forgone the glitter and fur Janis: though I doubt he'd be as buzzing as shit nan, couldn't risk that faux pas again Jimmy: 💔 Jimmy: he'd be chuffed to bits if you were wearing that, no funny business Janis: for the throwback of it all or Jimmy: you're right, loads of people have 👀 the 📷 Jimmy: you CAN'T Janis: if he slid into the gals DMs with the goss you could 🚨 Jimmy: ootd not outfit of the DAYS Jimmy: 👮🚔 Janis: oi, arrest him, not me Janis: you never said you were strictly fashion 👮 Jimmy: fine, if you don't wanna drive off into the sunset with me Jimmy: offering you a getaway car here Janis: the cars with me Jimmy: if Libi's not in the boot I ain't interested, soz Jimmy: you were told Janis: 🙄 Janis: you'll have to wait and see Janis: and be disappointed Jimmy: if you're wearing that pisstake of an outfit again, yeah Janis: I told you I ain't Janis: never again Janis: 🔥 Jimmy: did you? Janis: yeah Janis: [pictures of a jolly xmas fire with that melting all over the shop lmao] Jimmy: bit rude of you not to invite us Janis: I would if I could Janis: there's plenty more to burn Jimmy: 🎄 jumpers for a start Janis: exactly Janis: see if 💀#2 wants to put her diary on Jimmy: we could do it here 🤞 the whole house'd go up Jimmy: have to move then Janis: that would be win win Janis: death or a fresh start Jimmy: not enough drama for Bill but never is Jimmy: can't win with his 👻 Janis: he'd have you picking who to save Janis: always so EXTRA Janis: take a day off, Billy Jimmy: dead easy answer Janis: Sister can save herself, fuck the dog, so the kid? Jimmy: it's obvs you so the 🎭 can go ON and ON and ON 💔🎻😭 and owt else Janis: ugh Janis: my hero Jimmy: Bill makes the rules, babe Jimmy: @ him 👏👏🌹 Janis: lemme think of a sonnet first Janis: got to win him back 'round Jimmy: in a bit then Janis: don't offer to help then Janis: lazy Jimmy: why would I want you in his good books? Janis: what's good for me is good for you Jimmy: you can only have the one 👻 boyfriend at a time Jimmy: it ain't nowt but 👎 for me to get dumped for a more 🥇🎨🖋 🎭 Janis: I've only got the one Janis: ain't nothing but the writer Janis: and his ideas usually get ignored anyway Jimmy: ❌ Jimmy: oh Bill Janis: you don't have to feel bad for him Janis: is trying to steal me Jimmy: can't blame him for having a go Janis: far as 🧛 fake girlfriends go Jimmy: 🥇🏆💪 far as muses go Janis: I wasn't expecting half as many of the pub crawl pics to come out Janis: and that's not sounding surprised again Janis: just that the 🥴😵 wasn't too real Jimmy: you're that dickhead who looks #goals even with the 📸 on Janis: you make me look good Janis: #talent Janis: #skillz Jimmy: it's nowt to do with me Jimmy: you just look Janis: yeah well Janis: we're #goals by default 'cos you're not ugly yourself Janis: half of 'em probably think they're doing charity work or something 🦐🦑 Jimmy: tis the season Jimmy: 💀👑 must be 💔 she can't get back on it Janis: looks great on a CV Janis: but daddy hasn't thought about that Jimmy: 🎻🎻 Janis: kicking himself when he realises she's already too thick for Trinity Janis: God ONLY knows where she'll end up now Jimmy: 🤞 for the north OBVS Janis: 🤔 Janis: Leeds? Janis: I'll float the idea to her Jimmy: fit right in, her Jimmy: no need to ever leave Janis: SO happy for her and her new Northern life Jimmy: chuck you an oscar in a bit Janis: you got me another prezzie? Janis: you shouldn't have 🤗😘 Jimmy: can't help myself Janis: 🎅 energy Jimmy: just wanna be the 🎅 you deserve 💕 Janis: awh, don't make us cry Jimmy: 🚗 or 🏃? Janis: 🚗 Janis: why not Jimmy: alright 🚫😭 Janis: Considerate Janis: all you know I'm already ten sheets to the wind Jimmy: I'd know Janis: alright 👮 Jimmy: give yourself away ages before I got you to do any blowing, pisshead Janis: piss off would I Jimmy: weren't a challenge Janis: didn't say it was Janis: not bringing a bottle, obviously Janis: don't wanna make friends with him do I Jimmy: could've given it to me Janis: if it's a requirement I'll keep driving, dickhead Jimmy: if it were a requirement I'd have said before now Janis: then shh Janis: I might've got you something Jimmy: weird coincidence, that Janis: you did? Janis: almost like it's a holiday or something Jimmy: Dunno, sounds fake to me, that, mate Janis: what did you get me then Jimmy: 🤐 Janis: 😣 Janis: mean Jimmy: come here and open it Janis: if it's your dick in box I'm gonna be a 🤏 unimpressed Jimmy: 🎀 Janis: gift wrapping skills leaving nothing to be desired Janis: got it Jimmy: [a picture of this wrapped gift like how rude look how beautiful it is] Janis: don't be a tease again Janis: I'm already driving fast as I can Jimmy: only be a tease if didn't give it you Jimmy: actually for Libi, soz like Janis: she's had enough Janis: take it even if it's another cuddly toy Jimmy: I ain't giving you no clues Janis: not even if I 🥺 Jimmy: go on Janis: [does but obviously it's very pisstakey] Jimmy: 👏👏🌹 Janis: is that a clue Jimmy: might be Jimmy: might just not fancy you 💀💀💀 from the lack of attention before you get here Janis: very possible Janis: so like me Jimmy: can't take the risk Janis: all the 💪🥇 heroics for you Jimmy: tah Jimmy: nowt to do with being a dickhead who needs you to do owt Janis: 'course not Jimmy: #notallsantas Jimmy: but crack on through the 🌨 to bring me my Jimmy: 🎁 Janis: does this mean I'm an elf Jimmy: you're poor exploited rudolf and I'm your dead keen missus Jimmy: we've switched Janis: 😱 Jimmy: crack on and save me an' all Jimmy: would call this house a prison if I were a dramatic sort of reindeer lass Janis: I doubt you're being treated to such stunning musical numbers whilst you sit and rot though Janis: actually be right there, like Jimmy: you gonna sing for us? Janis: also how you know I'm not that drunk Janis: no karaoke now Jimmy: not even if I 🥺 Janis: 😏 Janis: we'll see Jimmy: [obvs does because always that bitch] Janis: [just assuming your xmas injury is not visible?] Jimmy: [I'm gonna say no so that the bubs won't know when we go to skerries because that's feelsier] Janis: [I vibe] Janis: okay, pretty convincing Jimmy: always sounding so 😱 you Janis: I might've forgotten what you looked like Jimmy: either that's bollocks or what you said a bit ago about my #goals face were Janis: you decide Jimmy: 👌 Janis: maybe I'm just saying it's been ages Jimmy: not denying that Janis: then take the compliment Jimmy: if we're telling each other what to do, shut up and drive Janis: 1. you always try and tell me what to do 2. what do you think I'm doing, you shut up Jimmy: 1. when do I? 2. pissing about Janis: literally constantly, no way I could narrow it down to a few examples Jimmy: convenient, that Janis: well bossy Janis: #bossbabe Jimmy: OI 👏 do 👏 you 👏 wanna 👏 buy 👏 the 👏 shite 👏 off 👏 my 👏 facebook 👏 OR 👏 WHAT? Janis: Honey, you're in a pyramid scheme Janis: and the lipsticks are shit 💁 Jimmy: 💰 on that being what pub crawl Sharon or Karen 💋 me with Jimmy: might've woken up with no face and your #ultimatekinkunlocked Janis: never gonna sell 'em so she may as well get some wear out of 'em Jimmy: #entreprenher Janis: 🤢 Janis: #dirtyoldcow Jimmy: 🐑 or nowt for this lad Jimmy: and she weren't even blonde! Janis: honestly, who does she think she is Janis: walking 'round like she's 👸🏼 Jimmy: *👰🏼 Jimmy: I'm a good catholic boy now 🚫💍🚫💋 Janis: 🤞 you've just made my nan drop down dead somewhere Jimmy: merry christmas, my dear Jimmy: 👍✔⚰ Janis: best present ever 😍😍 Jimmy: 💕 Janis: what did you get anyway Janis: fun was watching everyone struggle to get me anything without hint or direction Jimmy: mine were Ian not bothering to surprise us with 🐱🐭🐹🐰 or 🐢🐍🦎 to go with the 🐕 no dickhead asked for Janis: Such a read of poor Twix Janis: never again Jimmy: the one favour she's done us Janis: * I read 😇 Jimmy: he wants to bring her tomorrow Jimmy: 🤞🚫🐕 allowed Janis: plenty of places we can go that are only fake dog friendly Janis: but likewise, loads we can go where she can as well Jimmy: where do you want to? Janis: where do you wanna Jimmy: that's not an answer Janis: I don't care, s'not about me Jimmy: or me Janis: well we can't just let them decide or fuck knows what hell we'd end up in Jimmy: go on then Jimmy: have a 💭 Janis: you too Janis: or you'll blame me if it's crap Jimmy: don't sound like me, that Jimmy: but alright Janis: 😒 is permanent I know Jimmy: while I've still got a face any road Janis: we'll see how far the chemical burn can drive your rating down Jimmy: it won't with you, nowt else matters obvs Janis: won't run my rating down, or won't change my # of you? Jimmy: hang on, your rating ain't the same as your #s?! 😱 Janis: oops, I meant scale of #1-#10 Jimmy: don't matter, we're 💕 face or no face Janis: if you wanted sympathy, a well good breakup where I look like a total bitch Janis: and you don't need to fake no terminal illness Jimmy: be a bit rude Janis: could work Janis: though the sympathy sex DMs might get out of control for the gals that can stomach it Jimmy: you're really not convincing me this is even a 🥉 plan Janis: I was just thinking of myself, ngl babes Janis: the only lads who would bother me would be the ones that like mean girls, so at least I could still piss on 💀👑's parade and steal all her victims Jimmy: 👍 Janis: is that a 🤝? Janis: 👍 Jimmy: if it were I'd have said it were Janis: ugh Janis: fine Jimmy: 🙄🙄🙄 Janis: do it whilst you still can Janis: melty face Jimmy: 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄 Janis: oh you Jimmy: highlight of my day, that Janis: I know that's saying fuck all so Jimmy: 🎻🎻'll say it for me Jimmy: should probably 😭 while I can an' all Jimmy: brb Janis: where you going? Janis: I'll be there soon Jimmy: not telling you where I 😭 Janis: 🙄🙄😑 right Janis: carry on Jimmy: I'll dry my eyes before you get here, nowt to worry about Jimmy: back to 😎🚬 business as usual Janis: thank god Janis: not the kind of 'pleased to see me' I'm after Jimmy: 🔧🔨🪓🔪 I know Janis: be well rude if you'd forgot Jimmy: haven't had chance to smack myself round the head with any of 'em yet, you're alright Jimmy: nowt but a dream Janis: don't worry Janis: about to be a reality Jimmy: 🤞😍🤞 Janis: something like that Janis: am I coming in or are you coming outside Jimmy: what kind of question is that? Janis: I dunno Janis: answer it and I'll see Jimmy: why would you wanna come in? Jimmy: the obvs answer to that one is you wouldn't Janis: Yeah, but mission piss off your dad is in full swing, hence I asked Janis: but alright Janis: obviously I'm not pulling up right outside your house in his car so come over park Jimmy: 🏃 Janis: [chilling outside this car not at all looking like you're about to do a drug deal or something] Jimmy: [chuck this 🎁 at her immediately because we're excited and also it's a distraction from how forlorn he clearly is] Janis: [poke and prod and shake it like you can work out what it is] Jimmy: [a look like open it then] Janis: [a look like don't rush me but obviously does and I cannot overstate how actually #SHOOK we'd be like idk what you're gonna say gal] Jimmy: [jimothy just gonna assume you don't like it, thanks for the self doubt Ian] Janis: ['mine's a bit shit now' like it's just a lighter but also you got that engraved we see you] Jimmy: [gesture for that gift like I'll be the judge of that thank you] Jimmy: [we know he's buzzing and is gonna use it immediately] Janis: [handing it over like you're not that bothered but clearly are, lowkey just looking through as much of the book as we can rn] Jimmy: [please do gal because he was joking about 😭 a min ago but he'd actually be emosh af rn cos the greatest gift we have ever received honestly] Janis: [when you don't even have to explain that you had it done before he did it 'cos literally last night and it's Christmas, we're all a bit emosh and overwhelmed now lmao, slayed it too hard] Jimmy: [not putting the lighter away even after his lit both of your 🚬 -which would be a moment ™ rn in each other's grill while overwhelmed af- because we're just gonna keep tracing that engraving with our fingers lowkey forever] Janis: [the amount of times we keep going to say something, like, literally no one has ever got us a gift this good, or how much we like it, or literally any of it, but we cannot 'cos it's too much so just standing here dying and smoking] Jimmy: [hard same though, they are both very much in the same boat, but add loads of blinking for him so he don't sob nbd] Janis: [when nothing is safe rn, can't speak, can't make out, just like !!! so hard, do a feelsy lean like you okay 'cos can't verbalise so] Jimmy: [obvs gonna do a feelsy lean back which hopefully won't hurt you too much boy because idk how we're hurting you this time] Janis: [yeah just let me know when it would be obvious 'cos not oblivious but don't wanna act like she's psychic and just gonna know immediately lol] Jimmy: [can you remember what injury I did when ice bath because I remember that but not what was fucking him up at the time] Janis: [it was just general body shots/potential for a broken rib moment, I think?] Jimmy: [that sounds accurate because nhs direct were like 🚭 so of course I did] Janis: [it just makes sense for where you would hit someone if you weren't going for a face moment, so potential you might of flinched then, I guess, so we're ? and out of our feels like what was that] Jimmy: [yeah like we're hiding the fact it hurts every time we breathe in so we don't have to forfeit the 🚬 and shit on your gift giving but the feelsy lean is our undoing, literally could've just not done it boy but we know you had to] Janis: [like honestly well done for getting that far it's only 'cos it was so dramatically emotional, the lowkey speed we're putting together what Bobby said, the obvious fact you were driving Ian's stolen car, like okay, so at least we don't have to ask the question, just gently holding his face 'cos can't even hug him or anything 'can I see?' like lemme assess the damage] Jimmy: [at least you would have a bit of time left to downplay how bad it is by looking at her like I'm fine before the bruises expose you because hasn't been long enough for them to fully be !!!!] Janis: [a look like, so show me then, but not as cunty as that sounds lmao] Jimmy: [I look around at the weather like do you want me to freeze to death because I love that we're communicating in looks still lol] Janis: [turning around like oh look, a car] Jimmy: [go sit in it because the weather isn't just an excuse clearly if you're gonna get snowed in tomorrow] Janis: [turn that heating on gal 'bit rude you weren't gonna seduce me' but your tone making it obvs you don't reckon you're gonna succeed at lightening the mood rn but you're alright with not making him talk about it too] Jimmy: ['bit rude of you to reckon I weren't' and a look around like is this not the perfect place to seduce you in because we will downplay this situation until the day we die so it's all nbd and we're SO FINE] Janis: [likewise looks around and shrugs 'suppose it's no less romantic than the park' and then looks out at said park and just chills in the silence for a bit] Jimmy: [we're looking too cos the mems and then eventually we're like 'come here then' as if we're gonna just hook up in this car as standard, sir your injuries] Janis: [does not] Jimmy: [nudges her like excuse you but you know that's gonna make you flinch if the feelsy lean did so then we're just annoyed for letting that happen again] Janis: [sighs, 'never promised I was gonna kill you today' like simply not in this state, and then is looking around again for something, before taking off our hoodie and getting out to assemble this snow pack] Jimmy: [OTT fake sigh to hide how big our genuine sigh would have been as if she doesn't know and then we're just watching her do this like ? before it becomes obvious what she's doing 'got loads of frozen sprouts at ours' because who in his fam would wanna eat them but we're not stopping her because we're hiding this from Bobby at least even if Cass knows] Janis: [just giving this to him like put it where you need it most 'you could go lay in it but you nah'd that idea before we even started' again, gentle pisstaking rn] Jimmy: [does obvs so you're gonna see anyway gal 'no I never, you never said that were your plan' likewise with our gentle pisstaking as if this is a normal day] Janis: [gestures like be my guest 'not a requirement I've gotta be on top of you' but we're looking the best we can without dramatically examining him right now and we're not happy with what we seeing, obviously] Jimmy: ['weren't a requirement for me to get my tits out either but that's what you were after a bit ago' as if she was asking him to flash her instead of trying to investigate whether he's alright or not, I lol] Janis: [IRL 🙄 at you boy 'you gonna try and tell me you're not that sort of girl now'] Jimmy: [crosses himself in the most pisstakey manner cos he's still him, however much pain he's in] Janis: [lols 'great, fake waiting 'til fake marriage now'] Jimmy: [is like 🤫 but way hotter than that emoji is obviously and then kissing her as if it's their secret] Janis: [the casual restraint we must show so it doesn't end up going too heavy here, but still, you can kiss as his face isn't injured rn, points to the heavens like, he's always watching babe] Jimmy: [a look up to said heavens like we're so #into that idea of a pervy voyeuristic god] Janis: [😏 'all about the #fans, you'] Jimmy: [shakes his head like a nerd 'don't sound like me'] Janis: [noise like hmm okay hun, after a little more silence, 'where were the kids?' we mean when Ian beat him up but up to you if he follows this train of thought] Jimmy: [shaking his head again before he can stop himself but obvs this time seriously like they didn't see anything because he does know what she means and my vibe is that whenever this happened Cass would've kept Bobby busy when the arguing started but because jimothy isn't ready to get into this whole story even though she's already worked it out he's gonna pretend he doesn't know what she's going on about and that was simply a confused headshake 'what?'] Janis: ['where are the kids now, like?' like what they up to, how'd you sneak out vibes, not 'cos you wanna pretend that's what you said all along but you understood if nothing else that he heard you and he doesn't wanna talk about however he understood what you said so we changing the subject] Jimmy: [nods in the direction of his house literally over the road 'can probably see 'em pissing about with all the shit he's bought from here' because we know that's the only parenting Ian does honey] Janis: [nods because we understand this type of parenting too, even if that isn't actually all that ruster do but you know 'gonna take weeks to get rid of all the fucking wrapping paper at ours'] Jimmy: [flicks his lighter she got him on and off 'you'll have a right laugh doing that' because we know she loves the one we gave her too] Janis: ['another good idea' and going to switch out his snow pack 'is it helping a bit?'] Jimmy: ['full of 'em, me' because we can't even with people taking care of us because when does that ever happen but it is helping so we've gotta add 'but you do alright yourself an' all'] Janis: [shrugs like it's the literal least we can do 'cos we think other people would probably have something to say or whatever rn and we don't 'you had any painkillers yet?'] Jimmy: [mimes drinking but that's clearly a pisstake because you'd know if he was drunk rn and is about to say something but actually does 🥱 because hasn't had any sleep which would hurt so thank god for this snow actually working so it's bearable] Janis: [back at it with this snow pack like we're anticipating that, before rummaging round in this car looking for some pills, gonna say there's none, at least he lives more central than you gal, looking at him like hmm 'you should go lay in the back' like get comfy whilst I run to the shops 'shame Helena isn't actually a dealer, though'] Jimmy: ['bit weird if you drove all this way to watch me sleep, Joanne' but does go to get comfy because why not tbh but because he's him he's pulling her along with him like I only will if you come and lie with me 'or in the boot' imagine if she just popped up like hey LOL] Janis: ['what are you gonna do about it?' said like a usual challenge but it simply is not, speaking of the boot reaching over now she's also in the back for the obligatory random coats and picnic blankets etc so she can cover him up so he doesn't get cold whilst having to be covered in snow as well, just tucking him in and shaking our head like oh you 'so soz I didn't kidnap any bitch for you and tie her up back there'] Jimmy: [tries to start a playfight but we simply can't so we're grumpy and forlorn but we're pretending we're gutted about the lack of kidnap only and making it OTT and fake as per 'you'll have to do' and acting like we're gonna tie her up with something but snuggling into her because we are buzzing she's here in these shit times] Janis: [just snuggling for a while, trying to make him as comfortable as possible all things considered 'I've got to get some pain relief in you before you crash' and dramatically tearing yourself away like you won't be 10 minutes or so] Jimmy: [checking his imaginary watch like no no I don't have time to crash it's alright because you simply don't want her to go even though she's literally gonna be 10 minutes lol] Janis: [pouting unintentionally 'cos likewise don't really wanna leave him like you could take the car but don't wanna drive it all over this town unnecessarily like they run license plate checks often enough to not be silly with it 'I'll get drink too, if I can, if you want' like every little helps] Jimmy: [gotta just run his thumb over that pouty lip like that's not the most distracting thing ever because if we say something we'll just be like DON'T GO!! too dramatically to even pretend is fake so we can't even talk, so soz that he can't answer a question ever at the best of times but managing to get out 'if you want' as if she's the one who needs it oh jimothy] Janis: [testing you so hard right now soz gal, 'it'll keep us warm' because you have to be at least slightly suggestive back before running] Jimmy: speaking of kidnap, my sister's coming tomorrow an' all Jimmy: can chuck the 🐕 at her soon as it starts doing our heads in Janis: 👍 Janis: we won't have to do something completely 4-6 shit then and we can blame it on her on the sly Janis: sorted Jimmy: Dunno what or where they'll all be bothered about Janis: well I have been 🤔 like you said Jimmy: go on Jimmy: what's your 🥇💡? Janis: we can kick it cliche and go to the beach Janis: but not here Janis: nan and granda got a caravan in Skerries and Libi would love showing you and Bobby around no doubt Jimmy: *#goals Jimmy: if Libi's 😁 our kid will be Janis: awh Janis: thank god they don't go to our school Janis: too much competition Jimmy: he's been going on about her all day Jimmy: don't even need #s Janis: had to wrestle my phone off her 'cos she was trying to call him midway through lunch to see if he had to eat carrots too Jimmy: the answer's he don't have to eat owt he don't want, she'd have been 💔 Jimmy: just tells Ian he's allergic to whatever it is if he starts Jimmy: he'd be well good at fake dating, oscar's in the bag Janis: honestly, coming for your job at CG next Janis: when he can reach the counter Jimmy: he can have that, they've been on at me to work tomorrow Janis: seriously Janis: who needs overpriced caffeine that badly boxing day Jimmy: what dickhead needs it any day? Janis: true Janis: but especially now Jimmy: Pete needs the 💰💰 for new 🎸 strings or some bollocks, I've told him to crack on Jimmy: 😘 Janis: he'll remember you when he's made it big Jimmy: 🤞 he'll write a song about me Jimmy: you can sing it Janis: that's cruel and unusual punishment Janis: obviously want a song written about me, not to sing about you 💔 Jimmy: you'll have to earn yours an' all Jimmy: he's no slag Janis: it is easy though Jimmy: to write a song or inspire one? Janis: to inspire one Janis: even without shifts to swap Jimmy: inspire me then Jimmy: might 🖋 you one Janis: right now I'm a bit busy getting you drugs and alcohol Jimmy: 🥇 or nowt baby Jimmy: what are you gonna do let 💊 🥃 inspire me instead? Janis: Can you even write? Janis: I'll know if you cheat and let Bill's 👻 do it for you Jimmy: even the thickest northerner would know if Bill's 👻 had a go Jimmy: all his thees and thous Janis: that's how they talk in the countryside though Janis: I've been forced to read Wuthering Heights, tah Jimmy: bit rude you ain't written me a sonnet, living out there in the middle of nowt with all them fit 🐑 all about to act as a muse for you Janis: if it don't fit on a lighter, how am I gonna get you to see it? Jimmy: carve it into my 😎 Janis: a good idea 'til you're legally blind and I've got to train the dog more than sit and stay Jimmy: if anyone could though, mate Jimmy: obvs you Jimmy: train it to walk us into traffic and that's another job done Janis: nah Janis: shit way to die Janis: where's the fun in it for me? Jimmy: never said there were, it were you saying you were busy Janis: come on Janis: never too busy for you, darling Jimmy: walked into that like I were blind Janis: you are sleepy Janis: won't be too disappointed in you Jimmy: should've let you meet Ian, that's step mum talk if I've ever heard it Janis: financially ruining him with the divorce is just the tip of the iceberg of shit I'd be more than willing to do Janis: #fakedatethefakeboyfriendsrealdad? Janis: might be the logical next step Jimmy: if that's the tip, can't wait to hear what you're willing to do on the rest of that iceberg Janis: nothing if not dedicated to the cause Jimmy: 😍😍 Janis: I did forget how many places would be shut though Janis: there'll be somewhere Jimmy: It's alright Jimmy: come back Janis: no you need some Jimmy: I'll live Janis: how about at yours Jimmy: 💊 ✔ 🥃✔ Jimmy: not gonna get any 🏆 off Helena or her customers but Janis: yeah but, can you go in Janis: or am I Jimmy: I get it, you wanna crack on with your iceberg strategy Janis: 🛳 Jimmy: I better crack on an' all and paint you before I 🥶🌊 Janis: you better still be under those blankets Jimmy: [a picture like 👀 peeping out from those blankets] Janis: you're adorable Jimmy: come back Janis: okay Janis: but I am gonna make you feel better somehow Jimmy: 😏 Jimmy: knew you couldn't resist me, Jules Janis: never said I could Janis: but you've got to resist me Jimmy: don't challenge me Jimmy: not like that Janis: Sorry Jimmy: 🎻💔😭 Janis: I know, baby Janis: so devastating Jimmy: worst christmas EVER Janis: 🥺 Janis: you would feel differently if you'd picked yourself up a 🐶 Jimmy: that'd be worst christmas ever and ever amen Janis: STOP PRAYING Janis: it's so weird Jimmy: make me Janis: 😈 Jimmy: 🤞 Janis: [show back up, lowkey grumpy you forgot it was Christmas day but we're happy to see him, checking he's comfortable and probably doing the snow pack again] Jimmy: [snuggle her because she must be cold and that's obvs the only reason okay] Janis: [get yourselves situated lads] Jimmy: [opening his mouth to say a million things like thanks, I missed you, I was only joking it's not the worst christmas ever but we don't know how to say any of them so we're just not] Janis: [putting your finger on his mouth like he said anything at all there 's'alright' like it so isn't for either of you rn but you're trying god bless Jimmy: [hitting her with some intense eye contact like I hope you can read my mind rn because all those things I wanna say are so important] Janis: [at least you can kiss] Jimmy: [you both very much need to, I couldn't be that evil] Janis: [or something is gonna come out here, I can't be held responsible lol] Jimmy: [literally same so shh for a bit please] Janis: [emotions are running hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh and not jus me character bleeding] Jimmy: [they are and that's why it's gonna be so fun that they get snowed in and so heartbreaking when she leaves] Janis: [oh the delicious drama] Jimmy: [speaking of leaving neither of you are gonna wanna go home even more than usual] Janis: [like you barely have to, just to make sure Cass and Bobby are ready and you've got to get Libi gal but yes, still] Jimmy: [damn you kiddos, we know they'd just go now if not for y'all] Janis: [when you can't leave your siblings, so sad, so rude] Jimmy: [literally didn't ask to be parents rn but we are out here becoming a family unit] Janis: [god bless, at least you're all gonna have a good time on this trip] Jimmy: [we'll make sure you do, lads, casual domestic bliss] Janis: [but seriously, is there anything else we dare to say or do rn before making you separate] Jimmy: [we should probably separate you but I don't want to lol] Janis: [at least you can message when you're separated so you'll have to say something and not just snugg] Jimmy: [give her your hoodie or jumper before she goes because she's sacrificed hers for you and you easily can sacrifice one of your layers because you only have to go across the road when you can bring yourself to] Janis: [cute selfie you don't need to take to prove you're still wearing it like 5 minutes later lol] Jimmy: [one back of him taking some painkillers, I imagine they're on his sticky out tongue in a sassy manner like we're calling her out for worrying about him when he's OBVS FINE but we're sending the pic actually so she won't worry because we care] Janis: take more than the recommended dose, tah Janis: but only double, no 💀 Jimmy: I get it, no self induced coma unless you're there to take advantage Janis: if Sandy ain't gonna Jimmy: how many oscars has she got? you should've have 'em off her Janis: has she got any? Janis: you're her biggest fan, you tell me Jimmy: it's you bringing her up Janis: sounds fake Jimmy: you'd know about that more than me Janis: Why would I? Jimmy: you're going for her oscars Janis: on my own Janis: I think not Jimmy: don't reckon they'll cut one in half for us Jimmy: and as long as I've got the #fans convinced I why would I need owt else? Janis: long-winded way of saying you'd be 🥈 Jimmy: what you thought I were done giving you 🎁s Janis: don't cheapen the actual gift, dickhead Janis: also if you aren't, gonna have to do the classic see-what's-lying-about-to-wrap so Jimmy: nowt cheap about 🥇 Janis: is if you reckon you're giving it me Janis: got to earn it or what's the point Jimmy: don't you reckon you have? Janis: don't you? Jimmy: what for? Janis: for our 💘story Janis: what else? Jimmy: not today I've not Janis: yeah you have Janis: anyway, no cunt works christmas Jimmy: you have 🚑 Janis: that's not 💘 Janis: I wanted to see you Janis: then you was fucked up, what am I meant to do? Janis: anyone would Jimmy: 🏃 Jimmy: that's what loads of people would do Janis: nah Janis: not a pussy Jimmy: 💔🧛 there weren't no 🩸 though Jimmy: next time 🤞 Janis: you might be pissing it Janis: but I'm not thrilled about that Janis: lack of a piss fetish aside Jimmy: I'll leave out the selfie one way or the other Janis: 💡 Janis: don't wanna get banned, babe Jimmy: sounds fake, that Jimmy: love a ban, me Janis: fine Janis: can you not just do an appropriately placed 🍆 sticker Jimmy: depends how massive the sticker'll go, babe Jimmy: no promises Janis: 😏 Janis: idiot Jimmy: 🚫🩸🧠 Janis: that old excuse Jimmy: no need to tell the fans it's 'cause I'm pissing it out Janis: 🤫 Janis: though no need if you plan on going live next time you need a slash Jimmy: only if the 💊🥃 really inspire me Janis: 🙄 Janis: soz we're not going away on a bender Jimmy: have to rely on you for my 🎨 then Janis: nice of you not to demote me Jimmy: here Jimmy: [whatever today's doodle the final one of this advent is] Janis: it's the last one Jimmy: don't have to be Janis: you gonna keep doing it 'til 💀💔 Jimmy: why not? Janis: not very goals if you get wrist strain Jimmy: I'll spread it about it's not 🍆 related, don't worry Janis: tah Jimmy: 😘 Janis: you'll run out of ways to draw me before long Jimmy: challenge accepted Janis: ✏🖌💪 Jimmy: Oi you forgot 🖋🖍 Janis: 🖋 is Bill's 🖍 is Bobby's Jimmy: bit rude Janis: you're being the hog Janis: learn to share Jimmy: gave him the last roast potato ages ago Jimmy: just the kind of brother I am 🏆 Janis: show off Jimmy: keep your jealousy in check, I'd have given it you if you'd been here Janis: had a plate load myself, don't you worry Jimmy: sleep easy now, tah Janis: that makes one of us Jimmy: I get it, you're 😁 for tomorrow Jimmy: you and our kid both Janis: more like Libi won't leave me alone now for the same reason Janis: she basically does acrobatics in her sleep so that'll be well fun Jimmy: 💔 we can't chuck the two of 'em in a room in a bit and leave 'em to it Jimmy: 'cause he'll be as bad Janis: you're gonna have to sleep on his floor Janis: hard surface will help in the long run Jimmy: dunno how I'm explaining that Jimmy: 🦷🔦🦷 brb just checking for monsters mate, don't 😱😭 or owt Janis: duh, say you wanna go camping Janis: then he'll inevitably wanna join you and you can have the bed to yourself when he crashes Jimmy: make up your mind, Janet Jimmy: hard surface you said Janis: just rather you didn't get booted Janis: either or on where you end up Jimmy: weren't in my #ultimategoals Janis: obviously, I ain't there Jimmy: what you trying to make me 😭😭😭 for? Janis: not my ultimate goal either Jimmy: that'd be turning the 🚗 round Janis: 'course Janis: what could be more cinematic Jimmy: nowt, which is why I said it Janis: shame you don't write the scene directions Jimmy: yeah Janis: he's such a cockblock Jimmy: SUCH a slag for the tension Janis: bit rude 'cos he had them married, fucked and dead in the space of like 3 days in the OG Jimmy: what's he trying to say about us? the dickhead Janis: maybe he's trying to be more #relatable to a modern audience? Janis: he's seen the ❤s and the views Jimmy: next go round he'll do it so they never meet IRL Janis: 😱 oh god Janis: I'd kms immediately Jimmy: there you go Jimmy: job done in even less than 3 days Janis: at least I get to 👀 at you Janis: an actual fake boyfriend that doesn't exist is well 🎻 Jimmy: the 🎨 would be SO shite Janis: probably 'cos I'd have to do it myself Jimmy: nah 'cause I wouldn't be in it Janis: 😂 Janis: bighead strikes again Jimmy: Oi that's a point Jimmy: you never did sing to me Janis: shh Jimmy: go on Janis: I can't just sing at you Jimmy: why? Janis: 1. it'd be weird 2. contrary to popular (your) belief, I don't think I'm well mint at everything Jimmy: 1. you're making it weird 2. you never will with that attitude, dickhead Janis: 😑 Jimmy: *3. please Janis: let a good song come on the radio first Jimmy: as excuses go 🏆 Jimmy: know how you feel about interrupting Mariah Janis: [voice recording of us singing along to whatever festive song is on rn like there] Jimmy: 👏👏🌹 Jimmy: but none for me 'cause I never thought through how much that'd make me miss you Janis: it's hardly a lullabye but Janis: you wanted it Jimmy: dunno what's more of a pisstake 1. you not reckoning you're good at owt 2. that there's actually nowt you aren't 3. how bad I still want you here Janis: I just know what I'm good at, properly Janis: most people can sing if someone teaches you how to breathe right Janis: but the last part is mutual Jimmy: you gonna give me the bulletpoints or what? Janis: of what I'm good at? Jimmy: can't teach me to breathe properly from there, might as well Janis: I don't think nows the time for breathing exercises, like Janis: and you've seen or you'll see what I'm good at Jimmy: don't want you to crash the 🚗 girl Jimmy: why I said the breathing bit can wait Janis: 😏 Janis: but Jimmy: but Janis: I miss you Jimmy: it wasn't long enough Jimmy: tomorrow'll be Jimmy: you'll be telling me to piss off by the end Janis: maybe Jimmy: challenge accepted Jimmy: not that being a MASSIVE dickhead is, obvs Janis: obviously Janis: but you're literally competing with children so who am I gonna get sick of faster Jimmy: goes without saying won't be the 🐕 Janis: you brought her up Jimmy: missing me less already look Janis: dickhead Janis: you bringing her then? Jimmy: 🤞 Ian'll murder her if I don't Janis: that's a yeah Jimmy: how is it? Janis: you don't want her murdered Jimmy: the blame for it, but that'll be @iantaylor8 Jimmy: chuffed to bits for him to have it Janis: maybe she'll 'run away' tomorrow then Jimmy: went to live with mum, nowt to worry about kids 👍 Janis: an update on the farm classic Jimmy: 🗨 bollocks is what he's good at Janis: not going for the easy gag of saying it's where you got it from Jimmy: 🎯 Janis: should I bring Killer? Jimmy: do you want to? Janis: not really Janis: but she'd flip shit if you brought Twix Janis: don't wanna get them on the rocks already 💔 Jimmy: you're alright, I'll leave her here Janis: 👌 I'll tell her Jimmy: 👌 Janis: might have to call you up when she refuses to take my word for it Jimmy: if she has a go at me in sign she can say whatever she likes Jimmy: haven't taught her nowt that'll 💔 me Janis: we all know 💩head is pretty devastating Janis: don't need to put a brave face on Jimmy: #notallsantas Jimmy: how many times, babe Janis: how dare I forget how special you are Jimmy: SO rude Janis: Baby Jimmy: I'll forgive you, just that kind of 🎅 Janis: the kind that misses out on an opportunity to have me make it up to you? Janis: psh Jimmy: the kind that knows you will Janis: purposely won't now Jimmy: alright, then I'll have to make you Janis: look forward to seeing you try Jimmy: 💪🏆 Janis: let's hope so Janis: I wanted to be nice to you but now I can't on principle Jimmy: 🥺🥺🥺 Janis: stop it Jimmy: when you start being nice to me Janis: 🖕 Jimmy: 💕 Janis: you better not lose the lighter Jimmy: 😱😱 AS IF Janis: or give it away to any fucker in the smoking area Jimmy: well generous, me Jimmy: that'll DEFINITELY happen Janis: 😠 Jimmy: it's not the last roast potato, you're alright Janis: 👌 Jimmy: it is Jimmy: whatever you give me is safe with me Janis: alright, we did fairytale of new york last night Jimmy: weren't likely to forget how 🥇 I did the accent Janis: you don't take Irish and it shows Jimmy: said nowt about chucking that lighter at your head Janis: well I've got a full play to hit you with so think on, Shane Jimmy: stop flirting with me Janis: rude Jimmy: I'm trying to tell you I like my 🎁 dickhead Janis: so do I Jimmy: good Janis: Libi said tell Bobby to remember Snow Janis: it was a bit threatening tbh but leave that out Jimmy: forget Snow, forget this friendship, mate 👋 Janis: what can I say Janis: she's got priorities Jimmy: takes after you, gonna chuck me if I chuck this lighter Janis: least no fucker else is gonna reckon she's my kid Jimmy: they'll hear me 🗨 and reckon they're all mine Janis: the reality is they'll probably think they're yours and your sisters Janis: soz 🤢 Jimmy: grim up north Janis: not gonna make your sister buzzing for the day out so 🤫 Jimmy: not gonna add her into this 🗨 Jimmy: she might not wanna now the 🐕's not Janis: @ all of 'em Janis: cheek Jimmy: 💔 Janis: least you wanna spend time with me Janis: have to do Jimmy: you gonna be nice to me then? Janis: depends Jimmy: ? Janis: are you gonna be nice to me or what Jimmy: dunno what you mean Jimmy: never not nice to you Janis: 🤔 Janis: not really an answer, that Jimmy: be nice to me, you can have the same back Jimmy: how's that? Janis: when am I not nice to you is the question Janis: but alright Jimmy: 👍 Janis: see, no answer Janis: I'm too nice to you Jimmy: or I were being nice by 🔥 the receipts Janis: ha Janis: go for it, not like I'm delusional like the gals and think I'm SO lovely to EVERYONE Jimmy: should've introduced them to Ian Jimmy: that's his #vibe today Janis: long as he promises to murder them Janis: ideal Jimmy: won't be able to help himself, obvs Jimmy: they make up for not being bottle blonde by looking 45 Janis: I'll tell Grace to put the right wig on Jimmy: bit of patience 💀👑 and 💀#2's will have all fallen out Janis: less evidence clean up Janis: considerate of them Janis: really are #saints Jimmy: hang about for that tutorial, you'll be well in Janis: 'scuse you Janis: I wore something girly and I've got a man Janis: literally the requirements apparently Jimmy: soz, you're right Jimmy: I were thinking about the learning experience that is Tammy's tiktoks Janis: 😂 Janis: if you think I'm dancing for you as well Janis: another thing coming Jimmy: have to do everything myself round here Janis: you love it Jimmy: one of us has to be #goals Jimmy: if you won't, it's up to me Janis: oi Jimmy: what? Janis: you take the piss Jimmy: don't sound like me, that Janis: 🙄 Janis: not long ago you didn't like me walking, never mind 💃 Jimmy: and how mardy were you Jimmy: can't have it both ways, Jennifer Janis: you know why Jimmy: never said I didn't Janis: yeah Jimmy: I'll carry you about tomorrow if you're missing it Janis: no you won't Jimmy: 🙄 Jimmy: spoilsport Janis: you're gonna take it easy Jimmy: 🛏⛓'s meant to be my kink not yours Janis: s'called roleplaying Janis: try it Jimmy: UGH FINE Janis: I promise you'll have a good time Jimmy: yeah? Janis: serious Jimmy: alright Jimmy: then I promise not to piss about Janis: okay Janis: are you alright? Jimmy: are you? Janis: yeah Janis: are you Jimmy: now I've seen you Janis: I mean it Jimmy: me an' all Janis: you and your lines Janis: make me 😳 Jimmy: Oi, I just said it weren't a line Janis: but Jimmy: you heard Janis: I wish I could've stayed Jimmy: do the counting for us Jimmy: til we can go Janis: I'm on it Janis: 🖕✌🤟 Jimmy: that were it Janis: well smart, like Janis: not to brag Jimmy: won't start you a # if you don't want Jimmy: I get it, loads of pressure Janis: what girl don't want a # for Christmas? Janis: #sospoilt Jimmy: [obvs does give her complimentary #s enjoy that the fans] Janis: [flirt on those socials 'cos we don't know what to really say atm] Jimmy: [take your excuse to be fake and extra because the feels are high rn] Janis: [you simply must lads, also hint about this trip like you've had it planned forever] Jimmy: [just wait for how romantic and #goals we can make it when we're snowed in lads, little do you know] Janis: [hohaha] Jimmy: [thank god we have this flirting sesh because I've had to tone what I was gonna say down so many times lol like not yet boy] Janis: [a hard same] Janis: fake you is fun Jimmy: 🤏 of a twat, I get why you like him Janis: give him my number, yeah Jimmy: didn't sound like you were shy around him, reckon you can do that yourself Janis: reckon he'll be well about me making you do it though so Janis: tah Jimmy: massive twat were what I meant to call him Jimmy: 👍✔ Janis: 😏 Jimmy: you know how Bill's 👻 feels about a love triangle Janis: technically a love square but fuck fake me Janis: no one is here for her Jimmy: bit rude to the fans Janis: she's just a boring version of me Janis: deny it Jimmy: never said I was one of her fans Janis: 😱 Janis: *sends screenshot* Jimmy: *backtracks so hard I need more 💊s to sort me out but it's alright there's nowt more goals than a lad with no spine* Janis: we 👏 love 👏 a 👏 doormat 👏 Jimmy: works for mates an' all, dunno why I were acting like I were special there Janis: fake you is well special Janis: #facts Jimmy: 😇 him Janis: gotta be a reason the DMs are so full Jimmy: there's LOADS Jimmy: could go on and on Janis: 🤤 Janis: don't let me stop you Jimmy: he is, well humble that lad Janis: SO shy Janis: scaring him with my thirst Jimmy: bit awkward but can't help it you Janis: it's cool, I can pretend I'm shy too Janis: what's more goals than pretending you have a totally different personality to catch you a man Jimmy: duh Janis: you'd know all about that 😎🚬 Jimmy: I've had a girlfriend, yeah Janis: 💔 Janis: what she pretend to be then? Jimmy: a lass who weren't a total nightmare Janis: if you're gonna pretend to be anything Janis: fairplay Jimmy: did work for a bit, give her that Janis: not the first or last to fall for it Jimmy: obvs Janis: just saying Jimmy: weren't saying you should shut up Janis: well Janis: no need to chat about it Jimmy: 👍 Janis: wasn't what I mean anyway, for starters Jimmy: you meant I weren't 😎🚬 which for starters is bollocks Janis: okay 🤓 Jimmy: you Janis: Hardly Jimmy: more chance that you're a 🤓 than me Jimmy: and loads more receipts Janis: is there fuck Jimmy: deny it all you like, girl Jimmy: I can't even read Janis: ~express~ yourself in other ways don't you Janis: I don't Jimmy: bollocks do you not Janis: only when you force me to sing Jimmy: didn't take much 🥊 Janet Jimmy: barely twisted owt of yours Janis: 'cos you couldn't, soft boy Janis: be embarrassing to watch you try Jimmy: piss off Jimmy: you'd be 😳 but we both know why Janis: not what we're talking about Jimmy: is it not? Janis: you know it's not Jimmy: sounds fake Janis: never said you weren't good at that Jimmy: I'm just saying you express yourself in as many different ways as me Janis: that's just Jimmy: what? Janis: 🤷🤐 Jimmy: tah for clearing that up Janis: that's just between you and me, is what I was going to say Jimmy: weren't gonna send a tweet, you're alright Janis: shut up Jimmy: that's just between me and everyone else Janis: something like that Jimmy: that's exactly what it's like Jimmy: I've got nowt to say to any of them Janis: Me either Janis: never have, really Jimmy: I like talking to you Jimmy: don't matter what about Janis: it's alright, ain't it Jimmy: that a question or what? Janis: we're mates? Janis: that's a question for you Jimmy: do you wanna be mates? Janis: we act like it Janis: don't we Jimmy: not what I asked but Janis: yeah but you always ask questions never answer so I'm allowed to as well Janis: don't you think we do? Jimmy: I dunno what you're on about, I answer questions Janis: 😂 Janis: you don't Jimmy: bollocks Janis: go on then Janis: answer my question Janis: without asking one Jimmy: hang on, which one, are we mates or do we act like it? Janis: can you manage 2? Janis: since you do it all the time, shouldn't be a struggle Jimmy: there's nowt I can't handle, dickhead Janis: ... Janis: I'm waiting Jimmy: fuck's sake Jimmy: you're so Jimmy: dunno why I wanna be mates with you Janis: Charming as that is Janis: still counts as an answer, so I'll take it Jimmy: 😘 Jimmy: I dunno what's more charming than I don't like talking to anybody but you Jimmy: or why you'd reckon I'd say that but not wanna be mates Janis: well you're confusing and I'm thick too sometimes Jimmy: you alright now? Jimmy: 'cause having to play 20 questions would be taking the piss a bit Janis: you don't take the piss and we will be fine Jimmy: I'm not taking the piss Jimmy: I can ask a mate if they're alright, can't I? Janis: you're making me sound like I'm well high maintenance and hysterical Jimmy: how am I? Janis: acting like I asked you 1000s instead of 2 Janis: but I am fine, despite you being a bit of a dickhead Jimmy: just said playing the games would be a pisstake when you ain't even sleeping over, nowt else Janis: that mean no midnight snacks? 💔 Jimmy: 😱😱 no Janis: we've made such a mistake Jimmy: 💔😭🎻 Janis: quick, pop on a romcom Jimmy: rather you popped back in the 🚗 Janis: me too Janis: can't really head off in the dead of night or it will be obvious it's a kidnapping Jimmy: we'll go back for her in a bit, I'll live Janis: I could come back Janis: what about if your brother wakes up though Janis: you can't kip in the 🚗 Jimmy: *should Jimmy: I'll let you in Janis: yeah? Janis: 👌 Jimmy: you gonna wait for everyone to be 😴 or what? Jimmy: I can't have your fit nan fuming at me Janis: for starters, ugh Janis: but I can just come back over Janis: though I probably should give them some ~quality family time~ before I do, keep them somewhat on side Jimmy: I don't care if you don't Jimmy: but if Libi wanted some bollocks from home that meant we needed to pick her up from there it'd be a top idea for you to stay here and a 🥇💡 for you to spread that about Janis: 😈 Janis: I knew I kept you around for a reason Jimmy: bit late to kidnap Star and chuck her back at your nans, she's too high profile now, every dickhead has seen her Janis: you are to blame for that bit Janis: but that's easy Janis: kids are idiots, or suggestible, if you wanna be nice about it Janis: I'll make her remember something she absolutely NEEDS Jimmy: you're not as thick as I look Jimmy: 👍 Janis: you aren't either but I won't spread that about Janis: reputation and everything Jimmy: gotta stay #relatable to the fans, babe Janis: #attainable some would say Jimmy: they can have the cancer I've got coming my way if they're that bothered Jimmy: not having you off me though Janis: I don't want nobody else Jimmy: none of them dickheads are good enough for you Janis: I don't care about that Janis: I just want you Jimmy: have me then Jimmy: I'm doing nowt but waiting here Janis: it's well inconvenient that I keep remembering you're hurt Jimmy: I'm alright Janis: don't worry, there's plenty we can do without injuring you further Janis: and I won't make any jokes about stamina Jimmy: don't YOU worry Jimmy: you heard, I'm alright Jimmy: nowt I can't handle, I said Janis: alright Janis: sorry Jimmy: ❌ Janis: just trying to help, not overreact though so yeah Janis: ✔ Jimmy: you did help Jimmy: tah for that, I should've 🗨 Janis: nah Janis: it's nothing Jimmy: not nowt to me Janis: whatever kind of dickhead you are Janis: no call for that Jimmy: it were my own fault, no denying that Janis: still Jimmy: you're a top mate on the first day of being one Jimmy: take your 🏆 Janis: the fact neither of us has got any others right now is really showing Janis: but fuck it Jimmy: I don't want any others Janis: me neither Janis: load of cunts Jimmy: up north, here and wherever else Ian tries to drag me next Janis: you wanna be penpals, yeah Jimmy: 🖋🩸 Jimmy: and 😭 obvs Jimmy: sweat's more your shout, being SUCH an athlete Janis: I'll send you some 🧦 Jimmy: 😍😍🤤 Janis: maybe I should charge, you're right Jimmy: got in there just in time for mates rates Janis: lucky you Jimmy: 🤞😁🤞 is right Janis: you're ridiculous Jimmy: what so you don't want my 💌? Janis: you ain't gonna write to me Jimmy: it ain't my fault I can't, Jasmine Jimmy: I'll send you daily 🎨 Janis: why are we talking about this? Jimmy: you asked Janis: oh so now you can't stop with your answers Jimmy: make up your mind, my dear Janis: shut up Jimmy: 🤐 Janis: better Janis: if we're gonna talk about anything, let's talk about now Jimmy: alright Janis: well, more specifically, in a bit, when I'll be there Jimmy: go on then Janis: what? Jimmy: 🗨 something Jimmy: that'd be how a conversation works Janis: ugh Janis: just Janis: I wanna see you Jimmy: it feels like ages since you were here Janis: I know Janis: but I don't know why Janis: it always feels like that Jimmy: I think you answered it when you said you wanna see me Janis: yeah Janis: no lie Jimmy: I get it, you know Janis: yeah, you aren't that good an actor Janis: I can tell Jimmy: bit rude Jimmy: I mean, I asked for this when I picked you, but I didn't ask for this Janis: what's that supposed to mean? Jimmy: what I said Jimmy: it ain't always piss easy being in over my massive head, even if I manage to make it look it Janis: you ain't Janis: the plans going exactly to plan Janis: this is just Janis: fun, yeah Jimmy: dunno how pissed I were when I last said it but you are that, and do make owt less shit Janis: you too Janis: so let's keep doing it Jimmy: I weren't saying I don't wanna Janis: Obviously Janis: I'm coming over for a reason Jimmy: alright, don't take the piss Jimmy: I had a point somewhere, I just dunno what it were Janis: I ain't Janis: you're cute Jimmy: that sounds well pisstakey, girl Janis: but you are Janis: and I like you as a mate Janis: but no shit I wanna fuck you too Jimmy: gutted you don't wanna write to me, you're actually really good with words Janis: a pisstake Janis: but warranted Jimmy: I mean it, it were like you read my mind then and 🖋 it down Janis: as long as we're on the same 📑 I don't give a fuck how stupid it sounds Jimmy: about how cute I am? OBVS Janis: deal with it nerd Janis: you're adorable Jimmy: long as you keep it between us, call me what you like Janis: I wouldn't give me free rein like that Jimmy: as challenges go, I've accepted worse Janis: 😏 Janis: won't be calling you nothing though, gotta be well 🤫 ain't we Jimmy: whisper to me then Janis: I'll try Jimmy: you're alright, I won't make you promise Janis: I don't really wanna get kicked out Janis: and whispering leads too easily into Janis: more Jimmy: I'm not chucking you out and no other dickhead can Janis: be mildly amusing 'cos he don't know I'd just be going to sleep in his car but Jimmy: you'll be staying here, he's still being fake nice to me Janis: weird Jimmy: might be if I didn't know exactly why Janis: ? Janis: or is a stupid question Jimmy: he weren't visited by any 👻s if that's what you're asking Jimmy: have to keep his guilty conscience and pending sexual harassments rolling onto the new year Janis: Good to know that treatment is exclusively for bosses who don't pay enough or give Christmas eve off Janis: Soz to all the Sharons, you're gonna have to keep on grinning and bearing it, babe Janis: trust him to be the 'cries when he's finished' cliche Janis: cunt Jimmy: 🎻🎻🎻 Jimmy: but Sharon can come for your oscar and man tomorrow when she's got him and the place all to herself so she'll be chuffed to bits if no other other dickhead is Janis: 😬 Janis: gutted to be doing him any kind of favour, obvs Jimmy: leaving the 🐕 will 💔 them Janis: nothing like dog shit to ruin the mood Jimmy: or piss or 😭 Janis: she will be devvo if she ain't invited to join in Jimmy: 🤞 she'll be gutted enough to piss off Janis: you're so rude Janis: piss off and find you, you blatantly mean Jimmy: if that were my type I wouldn't have been after rescuing at the pub Janis: are we talking about Sharon or the dog? Jimmy: either or Jimmy: both a bit easy going with their 👅 Janis: and neither cuts their own fringe so what's the point eh Jimmy: exactly Janis: 🤓🎨😍 Jimmy: won't catch either of them in overalls that's OBVS me out Janis: 😂 don't Jimmy: them lasses probably would have a go at 🚬 with a 🖍 Janis: your brother is already cooler than you, I'd keep it quiet Jimmy: you're right, they'd kidnap him Jimmy: which is only #goals when I go on about it Janis: that's dubious at best but sure Jimmy: 😏 Janis: if you ever offered to kidnap me, maybe Janis: the 💘 is 💀 Jimmy: you come too willingly, nowt I can do about that Janis: rude Janis: try making me not wanna Jimmy: you're already on your way here or will be in a bit Jimmy: picked the wrong day to play hard to get Janis: plenty of time to turn around Jimmy: don't mean I wanna give you loads of chances Janis: fair, calling me easy again was a bold enough choice to count for multiple goes Jimmy: only compliment you've ever taken to 💘 Janis: ha Jimmy: any time you'd rather I go on about what hard work you are Jimmy: just say Janis: you poor #lads just can't win, is that what you're saying? Jimmy: it'll do Janis: 😏 Janis: just know what to say and exactly when to say it, christ Janis: not hard Jimmy: 👍 Janis: real lads do have the shitty end of the deal, tbh Jimmy: wouldn't know Jimmy: only a fake lad Janis: right Janis: got the little shorts and hat and everything Janis: cute Jimmy: what? Janis: Pinocchio Janis: the look Jimmy: Dunno him or where he gets his ootds Janis: oh Janis: awkward this isn't a homage Jimmy: bit awkward for you that he ain't my mate 'cause his dad is just your type 👴💕 Janis: 🎻🎻 Jimmy: we're all 💔 I don't have #lads to go to the pub with Janis: you ain't Janis: last time I brought it up you made that clear Jimmy: that'll by why I were in character 🤥 for you Jimmy: nowt if not supportive of your kinks, me Janis: 😱 Janis: can't believe you don't respect how important the #gurlgang is Jimmy: you can be 😱 after you've respected the 🤥📏 tah Janis: you and size Jimmy: doing you a MASSIVE favour is just the kind of lad I am Janis: wow, so thankful Jimmy: 🎁's just keep coming Jimmy: 💘'll never 💀💀💀 while I'm offering my face as a seat Janis: you might suffocate though Janis: 😳 Jimmy: top of my list for how I wanna 💀💀💀 now Jimmy: gutted I never thought of it sooner Janis: easily done Jimmy: ✔ Janis: don't ✔ like that's not a mental image that could make me crash, dickhead Jimmy: it were you who were going on about turning the car round and that like that weren't gonna make me say owt I could so you wouldn't Janis: as if I was going to Jimmy: now you won't Janis: I wasn't going to Janis: but any chance to 💀💀💀 you Jimmy: any chance to let you Janis: nothing more 💘 than that Jimmy: is that a challenge or what? Janis: you want it to be? Jimmy: do you want it to be? Janis: in what world am I going to say no? Jimmy: dunno, might be a world where you don't want your big head setting off the airbag Janis: I can handle it Jimmy: [🔥🔥 sext obvs like any chance to also kill you] Janis: I Jimmy: you Janis: no, you Jimmy: you heard Jimmy: it's your fault Janis: it feels like yours Jimmy: not to me Janis: I'm alright taking the blame for how you feel Jimmy: you can handle that an' all, yeah? Janis: you don't think I can? Jimmy: never said that Janis: Good Janis: because I can and I want to Jimmy: take it then Janis: [show up gal] Janis: I'm here Jimmy: [let her in and do that trope where you just kiss her immediately and against the door when you've closed it and while you're taking off her coat] Janis: [such a romcom forever] Jimmy: [can't and won't ever resist] Janis: [we're here for it shameless rn] Jimmy: [the question is are we saying that everyone is still up and about rn or are they asleep?] Janis: [hmm 'cos either is viable depends what vibe we want to achieve here] Jimmy: [yeah and there are pros and cons to either] Janis: [it'd be rude but potentially plot-driving/fun to have her first interaction with Ian because she hasn't yet] Jimmy: [bonus points if he's like asleep on the sofa or something because what a christmas mood and they wake him up either deliberately or accidentally] Janis: [what a dad, too full and drunk] Jimmy: [literally too perfect of a cliche not to take advantage of] Janis: [you're probably not gonna want to on purpose rn because we're in a #mood but Cass should blatantly still be up even if Bobby ain't and be like DAD JIMMYS GF IS HERE 'cos lord knows she's bored rn] Jimmy: [JJ just trying to have their makeout sesh, but I'll forgive you Cass we know you're upset because your mum isn't here and you know Jimothy and Ian have brawled because even if you didn't hear or witness it that's the only time Ian is ever nice to him so] Janis: [and you're 12 so 'nuff said on all counts] Jimmy: [mhmm, soz you gotta deal with Ian's fake niceness though Janis because that's not a mood] Janis: [ew, at least shit nan is honest is nothing else, lmao, just trying to take Jimmy's lead of the vibe he wants like are we being rude or fake nice back or what 'cos nothing in it for you beyond helping him out so] Jimmy: [would not have the strength to be fake nice to you if Bobby is not around rn because only doing it ever for his sake so have fun trying to keep it up Ian when we're just getting the bae a drink from your stash and doing our best to leave you unacknowledged like we're the deaf one] Janis: [at least we can be our usual charming selves then] Jimmy: [like we can't be rude enough he'll say you can't take the kids with you tomorrow hence we're just not saying anything because temptation to just tell him to fuck off always] Janis: [just some sly shade, easily done, also I hope you didn't come looking like a hoe 'cos assumptions that are lowkey a bit racial already being made without doing that] Jimmy: [we all know he isn't gonna like you no matter what gal, we'll get out of there as soon as we can honestly] Janis: [how dare you, but no, we would not want you to like us, we know your game hun] Jimmy: [it'll be fun af when we lowkey move you in and it's just 24/7 piss off Ian time] Jimmy: [but for now take the bottle and run lads] Janis: [soz that didn't work Cass but you know] Jimmy: [Jimothy needs this rn, soz you don't have your bf yet but you'll understand when you do] Janis: [you'll get your whole squad soon] Jimmy: [we'll all be living our best lives but for now we're just trying to survive the festive season so] Jimmy: [it makes me happy to know that Janis' arrival will have wound Twix up so you won't be able to just go back to sleep Ian] Janis: [go take that poor dog for a piss sir] Jimmy: [because we are not doing it, we're going upstairs good day] Janis: [buh-bye] Jimmy: [boy just downing however much drink was in his glass as he goes cos fml and also we've spent an age pretending we're not physically hurting which is not a mood either] Janis: [actually needed, so you can't say nothing Ian] Jimmy: [hopefully you left all your presents downstairs cos your room isn't very big and we don't need them everywhere] Janis: [and Bobby is in his bed, we gotta lay that boy down like get comfy] Jimmy: [the biggest sigh in the world, imagine] Janis: [copying him but laying down next to him carefully so we don't squash him] Jimmy: [going to write on her but we don't know what to say so we're just 👀] Janis: [doing an impression of nice Ian to try and make him lol Jimmy: [you know it's spot on but that just reminds him what a dick Ian is so we just shake our head like ffs but obvs not at you gal] Janis: [yeah, mistake to make hen but we don't know what to do, little horizontal feelsy lean like !!!] Jimmy: [we're doing it back even if it hurts because we don't care, the feelsy lean is sacred] Janis: ['he's such a twat' the reassurance he doesn't need but we're saying it so seriously] Jimmy: [can't help genuinely smiling because you know Ian is the kind of person who everyone thinks is just such a standard dad and we obvs didn't think the bae would fall for it but there's always gonna be a part of us thinking he's right and we're wrong so the relief] Janis: [we all know the kind, just parenting you, psh, but we smiling back 'cos love to see it] Jimmy: [😍 because she's cute and we're in love] Janis: [gotta kiss him soft] Jimmy: [take your excuse to be soft because we know you both like it] Janis: [a good excuse because we are not trying to injure you boy forreal, but the restraint is a killer lmao] Jimmy: [the perfect excuse for you to show her how good you are with your hands even if you don't remember/are pretending you don't remember that bit of the drunken christmas eve convo because you can keep your distance a lil bit more but still kill her] Janis: [enjoy trying not to die gal, 'cos whilst making Ian overhear you is funny, waking the kid is not so shh] Jimmy: [at least he's deaf so you've got less chance than if you were at mcvickers house and Libi was just like oh hey, speaking of the caravan when you're snowed in is gonna be hilarious casually no privacy ever] Janis: [that's true, how do you wake up a deaf person except for rudely shaking them like HELLO also how do they know when there's a fire/any other kind of alarm, questions I have but are not entirely relevant rn, won't make Cass hate us that much already lmao, 'cos honestly, need an ally in you when Skerries alone] Jimmy: [I've seen vibrating ones that they can like put under their pillow and shit which is slightly less rude than just being like OI but yeah, we can win Cass over during this unexpectedly longer trip than we thought we'd be on] Jimmy: [but for now have a drink and recover gal] Janis: [a good idea, ang would like that] Janis: [lowkey pouty like you can't immediately return the favour but you simply cannot soz] Jimmy: [doing the pouty lip bite thing won't help but we simply must nevertheless] Janis: ['that's illegal'] Jimmy: [a lil lol which we're pretending doesn't hurt because we're fine] Janis: [obviously we notice 'cos in what world aren't we 'should really bandage you up' and looking like do you have any in or do we need to get that tomorrow] Jimmy: [🤨 because it's such a foreign concept that anyone actually cares about us that we can't hide our genuine surprise/confusion and then we have to go look because we're like this is awkward how dare she care about me, let's say there is so you can chuck them at her] Janis: ['that's what you need to do' like he's just thinking it's bullshit advice, unravel some of that bandage after it's thrown at you 'it'll heal faster' and gesturing for him to take his top off 'can be a mummy for a bit, ghost boy'] Jimmy: [obvs gonna throw his top at her as well because always] Janis: [pretending it's so gross like ew] Jimmy: [equally as obvs then getting all up in her grill like if you thought that was gross you'll HATE this] Janis: [the pretence of being #horrified is so thinly veiled, but focus gal, gotta bandage him up as tightly as you can so it's more comfortable for him, the casual intimacy, bye, pretend we do not notice] Jimmy: [what a mcvickers-esque moment] Janis: [truly] Jimmy: [do a ✔ on her in the same place as the bandage is like okay job done and because you do feel better for it and most importantly just shamelessly wanna touch her bare skin whenever we can] Janis: [dramatically stop breathing for a sec 'yeah?'] Jimmy: [kiss her as dramatically to show her you can without it hurting as much as it did before] Janis: [can't even fake mad about it] Jimmy: [interrupt this makeout sesh for long enough to casually pour some of whatever this bottle is into her mouth because it's always a saucy mood and she has earned it by nursing you back to health] Janis: [too much of a mood frankly we're so about it, also nice throwback to literally last night what is time] Jimmy: [gonna have to let y'all hook up because this boy has no chill but just be really careful please] Janis: [just let him lead and you should be fine] Jimmy: [gotta be soft so that's a whole new mood in itself because you have not yet] Janis: [feeding him drink in the same manner after but that likewise feels really soft 'cos basically doing it like it's medicine at this point like you gotta, then removing whatever clothes you got left on to get in bed] Jimmy: [shameless snuggling will ensue because we will play tetris if needs be until we find a position that's comfortable for you both to be in] Janis: [drawing the ✔ on him when we're settled but also a ❓] Jimmy: [taking her hand and turning it into a 👍 and then giving it a lil thank you squeeze before adding his own ? to ask if she's alright too] Janis: [snuggling down as a response] Jimmy: [a happy sigh compared to the dramatic one earlier] Janis: ['Jimmy-' but stopping 'cos don't know what you think you're gonna say hen] Jimmy: [the softest 'what?' ever] Janis: [just looking and LOOKING for a hot sec 'merry christmas'] Jimmy: [obvs we're saying it back even though we know that's not what she was gonna say] Janis: [you better stop] Jimmy: [will draw 😁 on you is it a pisstake/ are we this buzzing that the bae is here and tomorrow we can leave/do we wanna just touch her always/is it all of these] Janis: [gonna say we got lost on that one so we're just like what are you talking about boy/tickled like oi] Jimmy: [doing it again more slowly and deliberately so it'll tickle more and she might get it so we don't have to do it with our face if she doesn't lol] Janis: [just loling like staph 'I'm either gonna fall out or fuck you up here' but not mad, obvs] Jimmy: [hold onto her so she can't fall out and that's ofc the only reason] Janis: [random but have we ever said whether the caravan is 2 or 3 bedrooms?] Jimmy: [I don't think we've ever specified but I assume it's on the bigger side because mcvickers own it and all the fam ever] Janis: [let's go with 3 then, a double and 2 singles, makes sense, usually have a way to make beds in the lounge too] Jimmy: [I'll try and remember that for all the other people and gens it affects lol] Janis: [write that down boo lol]

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amnachil · 5 years ago

Text

The College Society Chapter 3 Part 9

Another part ! Quite funny to write tbh :)

Damian Nicholas Smith-Carrey Friday February 22 – Saturday February 23

The night was going perfectly until the baboon call. The Dean's grandson managed to hit on a girl band, and they were all in his bed right now. He had such a good time when they had sung his name. Because they were from the chorale of the university, it was joyous, in every sense of the word. They had been taking great care of his body and especially his dick, but then, Liam had called. And that was why he, Damian Nicholas Smith Carrey the best hunter, ended up over the balcony, dressed only in briefs despite the cold. And we saw eachother like two hours ago... Fuck these conditions and my weak will to respect them.

"What do you want baboon ?" he asked, trying to sounds annoyed. "It's late and I'm busy you know ?"

"Wanted to hear your voice." whispered his boyfriend. "Today, Colton and I managed to get Nick into water, and wow it was so hard... Imma go sleep, but I missed you."

This is bullshit. The blond lad thought that quickly but in truth ? In truth he was more than delighted with this crappy romantic stuff.

"What's so special abou' my voice ?"

Liam chuckled.

"It's cute." he explained. "It make me smile, and I want to wrap you in my arms."

Holy cow. Stop it baboon. Damian Nicholas Smith Carrey started to blush and to have a boner in the same time. He could picture himself hugged in his boyfriend's arms, warm and comfy. He almost felt his head against his strong chest, his lower back pushing into his soft middle...

"And you called only for that ?" he mumbled, in a vain attempt to get back his self-control.

"Yeah. Is it a problem ?"

"No. I mean, I'm not sure to understand why my voice's cute, but whatever... As long as it please you..."

He was falling in this stupid romance, day after day. And the more he tried to convince himself it was fake, only a way to caught the prey, the more he doubted to be able to go back. To be his former self afterwards.

"Thank you Dami, for this and for everything." whispered suddenly his boyfriend. "I have something to give you tomorow, after the game."

"Yeah ? What is it ?"

"A surprise."

Damian Nicholas Smith Carrey felt way too happy. He even thought he was sick so much he was eager to see Liam again. Damnit. He definitely corrupted me after all.

The next morning came quite fast. He didn't sleep much. Someone had to take care of this boner and the girls were there. But today, he had something important to do. The football game was tonight. And he promised to help Nate. Thus, he headed towards the stadium around 10 am, and went straight into the lockeroom. The football team was there, most of them getting ready for a last training. Since it was their round of sixteen for the national, it was a pretty important game. I banged most of them... He glimpsed a lot of guys lookin' at him with lust, but he ignored them. He just went in the coach office. Well, to be honest, it wasn't the coach office anymore, but Archie's one. The sophomore had made a long way since his arrival. He was a nobody. Now, he's my precious heir. After all, the quaterback was the most famous alpha hunter in the campus. And his pack ? Well, the whole football team and most of the cheerleader. All what we call omega hunter under his will. According to the list Deborah gave him last week, Archie had caught at least seven more member since january. Himself was totally gay and slept only with his teammates from time to time, but several omega charmed girls for him. Anyway, when Damian Nicholas Smith Carrey entered in the room, the quarterback was on the phone, surrounded by Oliver and another teammate who was rubbing soflty his belly.

"What do you mean you don't have enough ?" was asking Archie. "You're a fuckin' delivery company, and you don't have enough beer to provide for a student party ? Awesome."

He hung up on his intelocutor, pissed.

"We'll find something." assured the captain Oliver with his sweet voice. "Don't be mad about this."

"I'm not mad !" mumbled his quaterback. "I've a stomachache and it hurt. I did too much carboloading yersterday..."

Damian Nicholas Smith Carrey hawked, a bit tilted to be ignored. Just, he liked Archie, for several reasons, and he respected him way more than the other hunters. For proof, they never had sex together. But it wasn't a reason to ignore him.

"Oh man, sorry I didn't see you." exclaimed the sophomore. "You, stop rubbing my painful tummy and go out. My mentor's here."

The footballer left them. It's better that way. I don't want everybody to know I'm asking help.

"Oliver should leave too." he said. "It's a private matter."

The blond lad had already slept with the captain several times. He was a kind guy, despite his impressive physique. And I like how he moaned my name. Once alone with Archie, he smiled.

"Dude, how are you since you won the bet ?"

"I used the money to buy thongs." his heir revealed. "I like these. And it's you who won, I just gambled right. But you're not here for an idle conversation Damian Nicholas Smith Carrey, are you ?"

His belly made a discontent gurgle, and he discreetly put an hand on it. Archie wasn't the kind of man to put clothes, especially when he was alone or with his pack. Right now, he had sweatpants but no top, and the Dean's grandson could see how bloated he was. And he ate yesterday ? I can only imagine how full he was. Greedy as my boyfriend.

"Let me guess." suggested the quaterback. "You want me to look after your prey Liam while he plays the mascot for Amber ? She wants him, I can tell."

This fuckin' bitch. When the baboon had texted him the news, Damian Nicholas Smith Carrey had been pissed. Really pissed. This whore was hunting his boyfriend. How dared she ? Nonetheless, it wasn't the reason of his coming.

"I need you to talk with a guy, Archie." he explained. "I'm not worried for my... prey. Amber can't catch him, she's just too bad. But there's a young lad named Nate who could use a little chitchat with you. About... what you know."

The quarterback opened his eyes wide.

"You want me to speak about..."

"Yeah. Will you help ? Look, I wouldn't ask if it wasn't important. I know you don't like to even think about this stuff, but you have succeeded to go trought this better than anyone."

The footballer shuddered. He wasn't happy, a blind mole could say that. C'mon.

"D.R is still looking after me." he recalled. "And you helped me. It's thank to you that I'm a better man now. So yeah, I'll do it. I owe you."

"Nice. Thank you Archie. After the game tonight ?"

"Okay. Bring him to me, and I'll see what I can do."

At least goods news. Liam'll be reassured. Damian Nicholas Smith Carrey was sure it would be nice for Nate.

Liam Saturday February 23

"It's Nate, but not really Nate." whispered Nick. "Honestly ? This Nate scares me a bit."

Liam pouted. The unicorns did their best. They were about to leave for the football game, and for the first time since his arrival, Nate had showered, shaved, got dressed and was ready to go outside. But it wasn't like before. He was thinner, almost skinny, and darker. He had dark rings under his eyes, messy hair and a bad expression. For clothes, he chose to wear a dark shirt, with dark jeans, dark shoes and even dark sockets. He looks like a dwarf vampire. (It was a real living creature, mostly in canada).

"Why are you staring at me like that ?" he asked with a hoarse voice.

Or a little demon...

"It's nothing." Liam lied, but Nate didn't believe him at all. "Ready to go ?"

"Not really, but you didn't give me the choice." he grumbled.

Last monday, his bestfriend had promised to make an effort. But it was apparently harder than Liam had expected. Nate had nighmares almost everynight, and most of the day, he was just pondering bad memories. Whatever he did that fateful night, it had affected him deeply.

"C'mon, you love football." Liam recalled. "And you promised me and the unicorns, remember ?"

"Yeah, yeah... Let's go already, I want it to be over asap."

When they arrived at the stadium, there were already people everywhere. For a game of this importance, both team had a lot of supporters. Even Judy came, and she had given Liam a free evening. They joined Dami near to the V.I.P entrance. Liam smiled to him, but restrained himself to kiss him. He had understood his boyfriend wanted to keep their relationship secret. The unicorns had explained him it was better that way, because a succubus-clairvoyant-cook was probably a target for the forces of evil. (When the unicorns said something, you just obeyed).

"Glad you're here on time." stated Dami. "Let's go, I chose good sits for us."

They headed towards the bleachers when Liam glanced Amber coming nearer. I'm gonna be a red panda ! He looked forwards to this (For real, he even had trouble to sleep so much he was excited).

"I'm coming after my show with the cheerleaders." he announced.

His bestfriend shrugged, obviously not happy to be there. Nick, being Nick, was playing his gameboy. He didn't like football anyway, he just came for Nate. As for his boyfriend, he took his hand and whispered :

"Be prudent baboon, she's mean. And come back right after, clear ?"

"Yes sir. Watch Nate."

Amber led the chestnut lad among her team. She nicely introduced him to the girls, and then showed him the costume. I love it. Damn, I love it so much.

"I'll let you put it." the captain said. "Then, you come with us for the show."

"About that, you didn't train me at all." he recalled. "What am I supposed to do ?"

(Liam the 8yo was just eager to be a red panda, but Liam the prudish stressed a bit). (After all, he was about to perform in front of thousands of people, including his bestfriend and his boyfriend). (It was too much pressure).

"Just dance, whatever, it'll be perfect. You're perfect." Amber smiled.

She left him to regroup her team. Since it was a fullbody outfit, he quickly undressed, and then put it on. However, he had some difficulties. It appeared the previous owner was smaller, in every way. He had some difficulties to breath.

"That's beautiful." complimented the captain when he joined her. (And all the girls giggled). "It show your muscles, and your belly. I love you like this, big guy."

"Uh.. Thanks I guess ?"

What does she mean, my belly ? He honestly had only a slight curve, absolutely nothing noticeable. Well, except with this too tight outfit apparently. But he was a red panda, and red panda didn't care about that stuff.

"Let's go for the show !" yelled Amber. "Let's remind to the crowd that our university is the best !"

Dancing as a red panda happened to be way more exhausting than Liam had thought. But at least, the audience was thrilled. Once the show over, the girls and him were going back to the locker room when a footballer came to him.

"It was awesome." he yelled (the chestnut lad guessed it was the quaterback). "I loved it ! By the way, Damian Nicholas Smith Carrey's waiting for you. My girls will distract Amber to let you go."

Liam nodded, not really sure to understand what it meant. Anyway, he changed and joined his friends in the tier. Nick was still playing. Apparently, he was facing Rayquaza and couldn't stop now. (Fyi, Liam knew pokemon. In fact, he even thought they were real and livin' in a secret parallel world). Nate wasn't affected by the good atmosphere in the stadium. It was electric, but the short lad was just sitting, obviously on edge. I hope it'll be better after his talk with Dami's friend. Speaking of his boyfriend, this one slapped him. (Gently). (He slapped him often, but Liam never took offense, he considered it like a sign of love).

"What the heck was this dance down here ?" he asked. "It was way too cu... ridiculous. You embarrassed yourself."

He was as red as a tomato. Liam blushed a bit.

"It was instinctive." he explained. "You didn't like it ?"

Dami mumbled something, but the audience shouted because their team just opened the score. Then, his boyfriend just took discreetly his hand, and focused back on the game.

Barbara The party Saturday February 23

What the hell is going on ? I don't understand. The football team had won its round of sixteen. Consequently, they were attempting a huge party in a community center near to the stadium. Thanks to her new built network, she had managed to get invited. Needless to say, the players were the center of attention. She could see them, surrounded by fans and supporters. She glimpsed Archie at the beginning, but he and his closest friends were spending the night in another room, with less people and noises. Anyway, Barbara and her hunter accomplices had been expecting something big tonight. Sam was supposed to ditch Summer with a public humiliation the whole university would remember. But nothing happened yet. That's abnormal. Until now, the short girl had stayed in a corner, in order to be the more discreet as possible. She had read a whole book, but nothing. Just a party, with music, alcohol and food everywhere. People were dancing, talking, playing beerbong... What on earth was doing Sam ? Curious and a bit anxious, she ventured into the crowd when suddenly, Leila hailed her.

"The blonde bitch. I should've know you would be there." she said as a greeting.

"It's normal to socialize when you're about to rule the student union." Barbara replied. "But the mystery is, what are you doing here ? This's a private party for the football team and their entourage."

"I got an authorization thank to my association." she explained. "We're insuring the safety of the women. And anyway, Colton had been invited. He could've bring me."

What ? How did he managed to do that ? His ex boyfriend was an unknown dude, and absolutely not interested in football.

"I get it." teased Leila. "You had to lick some balls in order to come here. You're prostituting yourself to get power. That's so degrading. Colton didn't had to make any effort to be there."

"How ?"

"Like if I'm gonna tell ya. Go die bitch. See ya."

And with a laugh, this asshole left among the mob.

At this point, Barbara started to feel a bit uncomfortable. How Colton succeeded to come ? Maybe I ditched him too fast after all... Did he possess ressource she didn't hear about ? But she knew him by heart... He was wealthy, but had zero ambition nor will. A weak minded like him, here ? And this Sam who hadn't followed the plan yet. Something is going on. I need to find what. She looked for her partners, and eventually found Linda. The professor was in the middle of an argument with a guy. What is it now ? The dude yelled at her for at least ten minutes, and Barbara didn't dare interrupt. Then, he stormed out, and Ms. Weber started to cry.

"What happened ?" asked the blonde girl. "What did he said ?"

"This was my third boyfriend..." whined Linda. "They all discovered I was cheating on them, and they all left me... I don't know what happened. That's terrible. My reputation is completely wrecked."

"What do..."

"Girls ! Girls you need to help me !" cut off Steve, who hurtled like a fury. "Bettany ditched me ! She said I wasn't fitting her tastes anymore. Do you know what the hell that means ?"

Barbara tried to say something, but Linda and Steve were totally paniced. And they call themselves hunters ?! She didn't know why these things were happening now, but it wasn't relevant. They should pull themselves together.

"It's a true nightmare." complained Steve. "If my own girlfriend leaves me, people will stop selling me things, and I will not be able to make exchange for videos."

"And now, all the men in the university will know I slept with students." whined Linda. "What the others professors will think about me ?"

"Guys, stop whining and..." Barbara started.

"There you are !" interupted Amber. "I need your help future head of the student ! It appeared the other cheerleaders voted for my deposition as captain. I didn't even know they had this right ! They havn't, have they ?!"

The short freshman started to lose patience. Why are they acting like kids ? I just don't care about their problems ! They were supposed to be powerful hunters ! And why everything was happening now ? She had more important stuff to take care of. She glimpsed Sam, and just decided to ignore these three dimwit to speak with him. But she suddenly noticed this hideous dude was crying. He was literally bawling.

"My girlfriends all ditched me." he revealed. "And since I'm not studying since three months, I'll be expelled from the university."

At this point, Barbara thought the evening couldn't be worst. She was wrong. Completely wrong. Because she saw her. She saw this damn queen walking through the crow to her. The blonde girl noticed her smile, her pride. She noted in her eyes a glint of morbid satisfaction. She did this. All of this.

"Hey there." greeted Summer. "Looks like you've all some troubles ? Maybe the head of the students can help ?"

All the pathetic hunters nodded in unison. They cried like babies for help, forgetting Barbara like if she had never existed. How ? How the hell this happened ?

"I'll tell you a secret people." smiled her opponent with irony. "Do not gamble against Damian Nicholas Smith Carrey. Ever. But since I punished you, I'm sure he'll be more than happy. Now, just left this party losers, and go pray somewhere for your future."

Steve, Amber, Sam and Linda obeyed. So much for their presumed hate for her. Summer turned towards her and outlined an arrogant smile.

"Seriously Barbara, what did you expect ?" she asked. "I'm here for almost two years, you seriously thought I wouldn't know how to deal with your pathetic plan ?"

"How ? How did you figured out everything ?"

The freshman could guess at least one person betrayed her. Probably Javier. Damnit. I knew he was weak.

"Let me be perfectly clear." stated Summer. "First of all, I only let you get the pathetic hunters who gambled for Theo. The swimteam captain crossed the line, and he got his punishment, but them ? They needed a lesson, as you. That's why Javier and Irina regrouped them and you. Yes, the old queen and me are closer than you thought. Aferwards, it was easy as the head of the student to make you all pay in one go. I have one of the widest circles of acquaintances in the university."

And I fell for it like an idiot. Steve, Amber and the others were just bad hunters Damian and Summer wanted to get rid of. They gave them to me for the fun...

"Don't try to beat me ever again." threatened her opponent. "I'm older, better and smarter. Whatever you are ploting, I'll know it."

"You won a battle." whispered dangerously Barbara. "Not the war."

She already knew what to do next. She hadn't the time to plan a revenge, or to punish these useless hunters she hab been allied with. She needed to catch the biggest prey in the campus, which would bring her the support from all the hunters at once. The idea make me nauseous, but I have no better plan. Liam, I'll catch you, ready or not.

To be continued

Damian doesn’t know what the hell is he doing half the time. But when he knows, he’s very good at it. Smooth talk isn’t part of it.

Archie’s back, is role is now revealed.

Liam is doing what Liam do best : total nonsense.

As for Barbara, a lot of ploting for that ? Girl, work better next time please...

#the college society #cs #Damian Nicholas Smith Carrey #Liam #Barbara #what a mess #cute things happen #Stuffing but not the person we thought #sad things happen too #Barbara is evil the end #Chapter 3 #part 9

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elizabeth-marston-roberts · 6 years ago

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A Boy Named John | John Marston x Abigail Roberts x F!Reader |

I wanted to do something new! This is like a series, I guess? Idk. Basically I wanted to do like snippets of a relationship between John/Abigail/Reader and so I did that. These will all contain a female reader as usual, and I'll try to make them all separate pieces, meaning you shouldn't have to read one part to understand another. But I make no promises tbh. I've taken inspo from the 90s Abi that @anniesburg created and I also put in some of my own modern!John headcanons, and you can read my list of those (and I'll probably do another list soon enough) here.

Pairing: John Marston/Abigail Roberts/Reader ((I like to use Roberts when Abi isn't married to John))

Rating: T? No sex or anything, just a little bit of fluff. This chapter is just showing how they meet, but there are some brief mentions of sex.

Words: 2,844

It was breezy out, so Abigail promptly declared at breakfast you two would be going to the park after lunch. She took your hand and led the way, as usual. You smiled and followed happily, but mainly because you were watching that rear end of hers bounce with every step.

Now you were sat with Abi under a tree, your arm slung over her shoulders while she's curled up into your side. You press a sweet kiss to her temple, nose bumping against the side of her beloved aviators. She never left the house without those sunglasses, the blue mirrored effect her favorite part, as they mixed well with her black hair. You, quite honestly, always loved how they accentuated her resting bitch face. She'd scared off quite a few homophobes that way.

"I love you." You murmur softly in her ear, slipping the palm of your hand over her sharp jaw. You turn her head upwards and descend down upon her cherry-chapsticked lips.

She smiles. "I love you too." She murmurs against your lips, her accent as strong as ever.

Grinning and pulling away slightly from your girlfriend, you look up just in time to see a tall, skinny man on a skateboard swerve to avoid hitting a child that was running from his parents. He runs right off of the paved sidewalk, the grass catching the wheels of his board and sending him flying right into a tree.

Abigail's up off the ground immediately, a gasp tearing out of her throat as she runs to the man. He's groaning and holding his head as he sits up, his dark eyes widening as he catches his reflection in Abi's sunglasses. He's dazed and confused, and you already know from the way Abi is checking his head for any bumps, bruises or cuts that she's claimed him as hers.

You pick up his skateboard and make sure the child is collected by his parents before you join Abigail. She's sitting beside him and chatting casually, as if he didn't just faceplant a tree. You see he's got a good scrape across his cheek and his lip's a little busted, but more prominently you notice the cut on his forehead above his right eyebrow. It's not bleeding a whole lot, but it's enough to make you want to fix him.

"This is John." Abigail tells you. You know she's noticed his left arm is covered in tattoos, which has made him a thousand times for attractive for her. Honestly, your girlfriend was the biggest flirt you'd ever met.

You never minded when Abi got her flirt on with men. Most of the time she was just searching for a good one-night-stand for the two of you, as you both were still very much into men and sometimes Abigail's dominant side just needed another person to order around. The last time you two were in a threesome was easily two months ago and you were ready for another.

You extend your hand and introduce yourself, kneeling in front of him and offering up the skateboard. He smiles some at you.

"Thank you." His voice is scratchy and low. You already understand Abigail's attraction to him.

"I think we should get a bandaid on that cut, John." Abigail says, placing her delicate hand on his forearm.

"Ah, that's okay, it ain't that bad..." He touches a fingertip on the cut, examining the blood that comes away with it. "It'll stop bleedin' eventually."

Abigail lifts her sunglasses into her hair and you snicker to yourself. He's gone and done it now!

"I said we're gonna get a bandaid on that cut, John. Come on." She takes his hand and stands up, pulling him up as well. John blinks stupidly but follows her lead as you walk on his other side.

"Yes ma'am." At least he was polite!

"So." You start off as Abi leads the way to the nearest drugstore. "Is swerving and running into trees a regular occurrence for you?"

"Naw, not really. I usually run into trees just fine without dodgin' little kids."

You laugh until you realize he's not kidding.

"So, John," Abigail clears her throat. "Tell us about you. What do you do when you're not getting a face full of bark?"

"Well, I work the regular week at an auto shop with my buddy Javier. It's a neat little gig. Pays me good and I get weekends off." He grins.

"So you're a mechanic?" You ask. Abigail's car has been draining power steering fluid like crazy and you hope he'll be willing to look at it.

"Yep. Been doin' that full time since I got outta high school, but I always been into cars and stuff like that. Not to toot my own horn or nothin', but I'm damn good at what I do." His smile is proud. It's also very cute.

"I bet you are." Abi grins. She pushes John down onto a bench that's outside of the store. "You stay right here. I'm gonna head inside and get some bandaids."

John nods and you sit with him as Abi shops. He looks at you carefully once she's gone. "So..." He gestures his finger from you to the store, indicating Abigail.

"Yes." You nod. "Four years now."

He nods slowly. "Okay."

"That's not a problem, is it?" You narrow your eyes.

"No- No, I'm cool with that!" He puts his hands up, panic in his voice. "Lesbians are cool!"

You smirk a little. Making straight men squirm a little was always fun. "Yeah, lesbians are pretty cool."

Abigail comes outside then. She swats your shoulder. "Stop making the poor guy sweat. He ain't no homophobe."

You pout. "I was just teasing, Abi."

"I don't care." She sits on John's other side, her fingertips brushing his jaw as she turns his head. He closes his dark eyes while she applies the disinfectant and then the butterfly bandage.

"All done." She smiles at him, rubbing some sanitizer between her delicate hands.

"You really didn't have to, but thanks." John grins. "I ain't really a nurse so I can't return the favor like that, but I am a decent cook. 'M havin' some friends over for a little backyard barbeque. You... You can come too, if you want." He murmurs.

"We'll be there." Abigail assures him with a sweet smile. She pulls her phone from her purse and unlocks it, handing it to him. "Text me the details, okay?"

"Should we bring something?" You ask while John inputs his phone number into Abi's phone.

"If you want to!" He smiles at you now, giving Abigail her phone back and holding his hand out for yours. In the back of your mind you note just how much of a natural he is in providing you both with attention. "I've got all the meat covered, and most of the fixin's been claimed, so maybe some more beer and dessert. Doesn't matter what dessert, but there is a golden rule about beer at my house: If you bring Pabst Blue Ribbon, you're out."

You and Abigail laugh, John having his own smile on as he inputs his phone number into your phone. He hands it back to you and checks his watch. "I better get home. I'll see you ladies tomorrow."

He stands up and tosses his board down, waving cutely at you and Abi before he takes off down the sidewalk. You glance at her while she's still watching John, no doubt looking at how twinky he is.

"I can't believe we're going to fuck a boy named John."

"Abigail, it's a backyard barbeque." You groan as your girlfriend once again went to go change her outfit. "And honestly, it doesn't matter what you wear! If it goes right it'll be on the floor."

"But I want John to undress me with his eyes first!" She pulls off her tank top. "There's nothing wrong with being sexy, my love."

You stand and come up behind her, slipping your arms around her waist and effectively stunting the progression of her outfit change. You kiss her sweet spot behind her left ear, the one that always makes her shiver and moan. "Are you saying I'm not sexy, Abigail?"

"That's n-not what I said and you know it." She murmurs, leaning back against you. "I just want him to like what he sees."

"I'm sure he will. And even if he doesn't, I sure do love what I see." You press a soft smooch to her cheek, rubbing her hips. "Come on, baby. Get dressed and let's go. I'm hungry!"

"Fine, fine!" She waves her hands around. You let go of her and sit back down on the end of the bed. You had put on a band t-shirt and some shorts an hour ago, and when Abigail was ready you'd put your black Chucks on.

"Why don't you wear that cute blue off-the-shoulder top? The one with the lace." You suggest, heart fluttering when her eyes light up.

"That's perfect! Ugh, I love you so much." She leans down for a quick kiss before rushing to the closet for said top and a strapless bra. She put on some sandals and then her beloved sunglasses, now /finally/ ready to go.

You take her hand once you're outside and walking for John's house. It turned out that he only lived a couple blocks away from you and Abi, which was nice because instead of driving there you two could walk and enjoy the nice day. Abi smiles up at you, carrying the case of Coors Light she'd picked up this morning while you held the ice pops. A cherry one was already calling your name, but you resisted the temptation, lest you feel Abi's wrath over it.

"This is so cute!" Abi coos as you approach the little two-story house John called his home. It was navy blue with white trim, and there was an older Ford pickup in the driveway.

The fence to the backyard is open, so you lead the way back. There's an inflatable pool with a dirty blond lounging in it, and you couldn't say for sure, but you were certain he was actually asleep in it.

"You're here!" John's scratchy voice sounds happy, thankfully. You turn to see him approaching, his dark hair tied up out of his face. Expectantly, the bandaid from yesterday is gone.

"I told you we'd come!" Abigail holds the beer out to him. He takes it with a gasp and a big grin.

"This is my favorite beer!" The fact that he's so excited over such a small thing warms your heart. He's a simple man so far.

"Really? Ain't that somethin'." Abigail grins. "Introduce us to your friends, John!"

"Right, right!" He opens the blue cooler on the ground and pops the cardboard end open, dumping the cans of beer inside, along with the ice pops, and closing the lid. You snicker fondly at how expertly done that was.

John points the man in the pool. "That's my brother, Arthur. He don't sleep much, so leave him alone until dinner."

"Got it." You nod and then John brings you to the large, round table where the others are playing cards at.

"Javier, Bill, Mary-Beth, Sadie, Charles, Tilly, Sean." He says as he points to each member. "Guys, and gals, this is Abigail," He rests a large hand on her shoulder, and then the other on yours as he introduces you to his friends. "I met 'm yesterday at the park and I thought they were pretty cool, so... Be nice to 'em."

"It's nice to meet you." Javier smiles gently. "Would you like to join us? We're about to play poker."

"Texas Hold 'em?" You ask, grinning. You'd always been good at that particular brand of the game.

"That's the only one we play!" Sean matches your smile, patting the empty seat beside him. "Come on, sit down! You deal first. No dirty dealin' now!"

"Oh lord." Abigail rolls her eyes when you eagerly sit down. "I'm stayin' far away from this trainwreck."

John snickers. "Not a gambler?"

"No, because my darlin' here does enough of it for the both of us." You note her sarcasm, but the love of the game wins over it. You're sure you'll be paying for it later on, but Abigail's punishments are always fun.

"You wanna come grill with me?"

"Sure." She smiles and goes to the grill with him. She isn't a good chef by any means so she lets him do the work while she watches.

When the poker game disbands, you go grab a beer from the cooler. Abigail is currently asking John about every tattoo that's adorning his left arm and he's happily telling her about each one. You smile and stand on John's other side.

"Smells good, John." You comment. He smiles proudly and flips a few burgers.

"Told you I can cook! I'm a lot of things, but a liar ain't one."

"John was telling me about his tattoos." Abi grins.

"Did you tell him about yours?" You hum. Abigail only has a couple, but they look good on her. There's one on her right shoulder. It's a 'basic bitch' tattoo but you're proud of it. It's a lemniscate with your anniversary winded in it. You can't help but give it a kiss whenever you make love to her.

"I kinda figured that one out for myself." John snickers, pointing to the lemniscate. "Do you have any?" He asks you.

You shake your head. "No. I've always been too nervous to get one."

"Ain't no shame in that." He says. "They hurt!"

You smile a little. He's a sweet man, you think. Your eyes meet Abigail's and you know she's feeling good about this one.

Dinner is tasty and the way they all interact tells you they're more of a family than just a group of friends. The gathering continues late in the night and eventually you and Abigail are the last ones there.

John sits on the grass, staring up at the stars and the moon. "Did you ladies have fun?"

You sit on his right, Abigail flanking his left. "I had a lot of fun, actually." You say, and Abigail readily agrees.

John grins. "Good. Maybe I'll get to see ya around more?"

"I don't see why not." Abigail says. "In fact, why don't you come on over to our place for dinner? I'm no cook, but my partner-in-crime here is."

"Okay!" It takes everything you have to not just grab him and kiss those pink lips. "I'll eat anything, so don't worry about that."

Abigail smirks a little, the dirty-minded minx. "I ain't worried about a thing, John."

"Walk us home?" You ask sweetly. "We're just a couple blocks over."

"Sure!" He stands and offers a hand to each of you, pulling you off of the grass and to your feet. "Last thing I want is for you two ladies walkin' around by yourself this late anyway. I know this is a good neighborhood, but still."

He takes you home, walking you up the porch. Abigail fishes for the house key and you turn to John. "Text me when you get back home, okay?"

"Yes ma'am." He nods, and he waves shyly once Abigail has the door open and a light on. "I'll see you two at dinner."

"Seven o'clock sharp, and don't be a minute late." Abigail says sternly.

He grins, and you suspect he has a thing for being told what to do. "Yes ma'am."

You and Abigail wish him goodnight, waving before you went inside and locked the doors. You watched him through the peephole and Abi from the window beside the door as he tucks his hands in his pockets and walks back home.

"Great." You say when he's gone. "Now I have to cook dinner."

Abigail doesn't bother hiding her laughter as she goes up to bed. You follow her up the stairs, touching her butt once you reach the top.

"Is there a reason we didn't try to get laid tonight?" You ask. Usually when Abigail sets her sights on a new boy she's quick to pounce.

"I think this one is different, my love." She turns around and embraces you.

"You think?"

"He's kind, and he never tried anything with us. Most of these men know we only entertain them because we want to have sex. John... I don't think he knows that. And in saying that, I feel like he deserves better than a one-night-stand."

"So what are you saying?" You ask, brushing her hair out of her eyes.

"I'm not sure yet. Maybe it's better that we're just friends with him. He really is a genuinely nice man."

You sigh, knowing she's right. She usually is. "We'll find someone else to have some fun with."

"Oh, don't pout at me like that. If you need some dick that badly, get my strap ready while I wash my face. I'll even let you call me John."

You really do have the best girlfriend.

#john marston #abigail marston #abigail roberts #abigail roberts x reader #abigail marston x reader #john marston x abigail marston x reader #john marston x reader #fic #throuple #a boy named john #modern au

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glorioussimon · 6 years ago

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underappreciated things about rise 1x09: totally hosed

i love this episode

lou doing yoga

mr kranepool told him about it

gordy’s not a fan

the mazzus are so sad when maashous tells them that he’s leaving

sadie :(

simon looks at his family completely differently now

tracey wanting to keep working with lou even though he’s lou

this is the point when mama who bore me started to get a little excessive

jeremy has a polar bear wearing sunglasses on his shirt and i can’t tell if it’s blessed or cursed

lilette just being interrupted in the middle of her song

i love this episode because of the troupe awkwardly just being there during like three of lou and tracey’s arguments

also sasha has her arm around michael’s shoulders

evan’s list for spring awakening is just. it’s certainly something

when robbie’s visiting his mom for the first time this episode he looks less happy and more scared

robbie wanting his mom to be there on opening night

robbie’s face when his mom says that she’ll come when she’s feeling better

gwen’s smile when gordy is introduced to the troupe

gordy looks so awkward i love it

everyone cheering at the first full runthrough

but if this is the first full run through what were they doing in episode 7?

lexi blaming herself for the petition

why does jeremy wear a suit here but a hoodie in the final performance. why couldn’t he keep the suit he looks so good

jolene coming up with totally fricked

“there will be other-” “censorship?” “...tweaks.” simon saunders i would die for you

jeremy and francis look so pissed when ms wolfe stops lilette

also i think they’re sharing a chair which is cute

i really like the set for dark i know well with the railroad tracks on the ground

also their version of it is. really dramatic and idk how i feel about that

“i thought you said the text was sacred. that we have to utter every syllable the playwright writes.” i love you lilette

the totally fricked montage is still the best thing to come out of this show

also i just realized that francis plays both herr knochenbruch (i know that i didn’t spell that right) and georg so wtf does he do during this song. does he go change his clothes really quickly when robbie starts singing or do we all just pretend not to notice that one of the adult men is singing georg’s solo

robbie rolling his eyes during totally confused. i’ve never noticed it before and it’s the funniest thing in the world to me

francis trying not to laugh during totally blue

maashous looking so exhausted the whole time

and then him facepalming in the background after totally messed up

lou watching while gwen and gordy talk

“why are you volunteering here?” “i just love theater”

lilette saying that robbie’s dad hates her. the worst part is she’s probably right

i think that vanessa and lilette have both said “i’m a big girl i can handle myself” at different points in the show, which is interesting

SIMON SINGING WOYBR WHILE HE DOES HIS HOMEWORK I’M GOING TO FUCKING CRY

if i ever have to see emma sad again i’m going to break my tv screen

simon telling emma that she can come live with him if their parents ever get divorced

mama strickland being so salty about having to change lilette’s dress

i love that she asked how lilette’s doing with everything that’s going on with coach and vanessa. she’s the only adult to really realize how much this has a toll on lilette and gwen and i like that about her

“you have a light. you shine.”

why is the jukebox on the stage during dark i know well what purpose does it serve

have we just decided to ignore francis and clark’s adult men wigs

i like how they have the rest of the cast walking around in the background during dark i know well like they’re not seeing/ignoring martha and ilse’s abuse

“i want to want you i don’t want to need you” fuck yes lilette

the troupe coming out of the wings to watch tracey and lou argue about the beating scene is a mood

“tiny, tiny, TINY CHANGES”

gwen and gordy glancing at each other and smirking

“you can beat her. just...like it less”

kaitlin is so excited for next year when she can be in the play and now i’m just sad

she’s so worried about maashous

“i hate her. i don’t know her, but i hate her”

lou telling gail about gordy and gwen

he doesn’t want gordy to get his heart broken

gail was out of lou’s league

simon’s dad is so cold. it reminds me of how simon acts with jeremy or whenever he closes himself off

simon’s face when his dad says “compromises”

and especially when his dad says that someday simon will have to make the same compromises

bitch of living playing in the background

the transition from simon praying to singing. you can really tell that the stage is where simon feels the most free and that’s one of the reasons why he’s so pissed about the changes - because something’s threatening that.

the fact that ‘bitch’ wasn’t on evan’s swear list so they just go for it

the girls are getting so into it i love them so much

francis didn’t have to go that hard during his solo but he did and i’d like to thank him for it

rise remains the only production that i know of where we have physically seen grossenbustenhalter (i know that i didn’t spell that right) during bitch of living. i don’t know how to feel about this

when i had pneumonia i spent an entire day on the couch rewatching rise on hulu and when i got to this scene my dad was in the kitchen nearby so i just. turned the volume way down to avoid questions

it’S THE BITCH OF LIVING AND SENSING THIS IS BAD

michael and jeremy look so tired of this

why did we even have to cut francis’s solo it doesn’t technically break any of evan’s rules

lou really doesn’t want to say breasts

“you and your....piano teacher”

i remember being so surprised that simon said “ass” because he just doesn’t seem like the type

michael just standing on the chair in the background with his arms crossed

this is my favorite scene in the series and You Will Know About It

this is so important to simon and it’s just falling apart. just like his family, just like his whole life right now.

there’s nothing that simon values more than the truth, his truth, and he doesn’t want to keep hiding it from everyone, most of all himself. that’s why he doesn’t want to make compromises in spring awakening or in his own life.

jeremy’s expression when simon says that his family is falling apart

simon’s literal mic drop

you can see him wiping away tears when he walks off stage

sasha looks so shocked and it’s the funniest fucking thing

lilette going after him. idk if this was a deleted scene or not but i would kill to see that conversation

if i ever see francis look that sad again i’m going to personally fight jason katims with my own two fists

“set up for scene five” *no one moves* “SCENE FIVE” *michael quickly steps off of the chair*

gordy and lou stress eating together at the diner

gordy calling simon “that simon kid”

lou calling himself cool and gordy just laughing at him

tbh lou and gail are a Good pair of heterosexuals

robbie’s hands shaking when he’s talking with the nurse

kaitlin’s cute space buns and galaxy leggings

i’m going to tattoo maashous was here over my heart. you know the heart that he broke

robbie nearly being in tears when he asks his mom to come to opening night

amazing grace.

the contrast between lilette and her mom and robbie and his mom. lilette’s mom is gone because of her own decision, robbie’s mom is leaving against her will

enough games where the fuck is damon j gillespie’s emmy

rilette just holding onto each other

why am i so emotional about these straight fifteen year olds

“i’ve never felt so close to someone” end my life!!!

jeremy asking simon if he’s okay

i unironically love jeremy’s skater boy outfit

simon’s voice cracking when he talks about the bomb inside of him

both of the boys have tears in their eyes and i’m :(

you know that meme of the dude carrying the giant oscar on his shoulder? that’s me giving ted sutherland and sean grandillo their emmys

where the fuck is the rest of their conversation why does nbc hate us so much

gordy not giving up on gwen

on the aforementioned pneumonia day my dad was in the room with me when gordy said that gwen was pretty stalkable and i remember that his exact words were “what the fuck?”

kaitlin pulling up the adoption website and putting the computer in front of her mom is such a power move i love her

lou’s eye roll during censored dark i know well

what did the censored song even sound like i can’t think of a way to make it not about sexual abuse

yeah yOU’RE HOSED ALRIGHT

evan loves totally hosed

the troupe listening in on the final argument of the night

i would like to call specific attention to michael starting to leave before lou even says anything, simon and lilette sharing the chair, and francis doing it to em

you can see that maashous is still there as the argument continues. i bet he knows all the tea

this is the last episode that we watched before knowing about the cancellation wow i’m sad

next post: i die

#rise nbc #rise #underappreciated things #aj.txt

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ofspartax · 7 years ago

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— ✧ HUNTER PARRISH?, NO, THAT’S JUST KEVIN PRYDE! THEY’RE THE TWENTY-EIGHT YEAR OLD SON OF J'SON OF SPARTAX ( ADOPTED SON OF KITTY PRYDE ). THEY ARE ALSO AN ASSISTANT TEACHER FOR ASTROPHYSICS & ASTROCHEMISTRY AT PARAGON. I HEAR THEY’RE DETERMINED & INTELLIGENT BUT TEND TO BE LIGHTHEARTED & WISHFUL. HIS FILE SAYS THAT HIS POWER IS SPARTOI PHYSIOLOGY.

YA FAVE ALIEN PRINCE IS BACK :^) also this is so fuckin long but it’s... necessary kcjfdka

he is 100% spartoi, born on spartax & raised there until age 16 when he came to earth

j’son of spartax ( aka peter’s dad ) is also his dad

which makes him the crown prince of the spartoi empire, as peter has repetitively rejected it, etc & victoria ( their half sister ) isn’t of full royal blood... amongst other awful things we won’t mention bc j’son suxx, isn’t eligible for the throne ( however she IS the captain & commander of the royal guard, so. )

kevin’s biological mother is a noblewoman named x’nthe ( obv made up but like, presumably... for the purpose of everything, let’s say she/j’son courted each other at some point & kevin was a result of that union skjdfhjd. )

however x’nthe, after a certain point in toddler kevin’s life, ended up fucking off to star harbor, the military school of spartax, to be an instructor. of course j’son took care of the kid then ---- one son hates him, and his daughter is illegitimate, so naturally he’s going to take care of kevin the goddamn best he can in hopes of raising him up to be the future emperor

that being said, kevin received a formal schooling in his spartoi politics and military/combat, alongside being educated on other galaxies/planets and those respective empires

kevin was SPOILED ROTTEN, okay?? like, if we know anything about the spartoi, it’s that the royal fam can be extra as fuck ( as are a lot of royal families, truthfully ); even in victoria’s captain outfit, we see she wears ( what can be presumed as ) real gold. the most common color scheme of spartax is gold & maroon so we can make a p decent guess that the royal fam ( and maybe even the royal guard, tbh ) uses actual gold so ,,,

NOW, BECAUSE J’SON HAD KEVIN TREATED LIKE THE LITTLE PRINCE HE IS, KEVIN LOVED HIS DAD!!!! A LOT!!! although he wasn’t exactly aware j’son was his dad --- there was, apparently, never real reason to reiterate they clearly shared a familial bond as everyone understood it was there

except ... that’s where a mistake!!! comes in

now ... since nobody outside of spartax knew what exactly the deal was with kevin’s parentage, it was very easy to assume peter was his father... and that’s exactly what people ended up doing

SO CLEARLY THE SECOND THIS CATCHES PETER’S EARS HE’S LIKE, WHAT THE FUCK, AND INSTANTLY GOES TO SPARTAX LIKE?? HE HAS TO SEE THIS SHIT FOR HIMSELF, SINCE HE WOULDN’T PUT IT PAST J’SON TO START SOME FUCKED UP RUMOR LIKE THAT

well what do you know, there’s a 16 year old boy decked out in clothes that v much associate him to being part of the royal fam! a 16 year old boy, who looks strangely identical to peter when peter was that age

then, you know, shit happened and peter was like “yeah no fuck this, i’m taking my kid back wtf??” which… naturally, j’son wasn’t thrilled about and hONESTLY NEITHER WAS KEVIN LIKE WHAT No

WAS EXTREMELY AGAINST THE IDEA OF LEAVING SPARTAX & GOING TO TERRA ( EARTH ) W/ PETER like, peter is a stranger claiming to be his FATHER, of all things

just... kevin didn’t like it at all, but he knew it wouldn’t do any good arguing over it

ESPECIALLY SINCE in an moment of this all, j’son realized it was a chance for kevin to be safe from the danger of lurking enemies to the royal fam?? like?? damn j’son made A LOT of enemies thanks to being a horrible person and literal intergalactic warlord ok and to target his heir is a BIG THING so what better way to hide the poor kid is to ship him off to another planet in another solar system riiight

but!!! in the midst of kevin’s literal teen angst and missing spartax/j’son/etc, kitty was SO KIND TO HIM & GENUINELY LOVED HIM AS IF HE WAS HER OWN & It got him fuckin SHOOK like he never had a proper mother figure so it def solidified this relationship 10/10 like ... wow someone actually wants him :^) cuz peter was off a lot w/ the guardians a lot anyhow & although kev def tagged along at times, it was the worst bc all kevin wanted to do was go back to spartax which obv in peter’s eyes ( and the others ) was a huge no

when kevin turned 17, kitty legally adopted him as her son

KITTY DID HER FUCKIN BEST TO HELP KEVIN CATCH UP W/ SCHOOL!!! AND HE’S A QUICK/EASY LEARNER & V DETERMINED TO MAKE SOMETHING OF HIMSELF SO HE CAUGHT ON FAST & just ... it was another pure bonding moment between them that made kevin realize like, hey maybe it isn’t so awful down here...

when then kevin turned 18, kitty threw him a late bar mitzvah since after trying half-and-half so to speak of christmas / hanukkah, kevin found he identifies more with being jewish & that’s how he was then-on raised

also, peter was the one who told kevin about all the godawful things j’son has done and it did nothing but make kevin more angry at peter because how dare he rUIN THE MEMORY ?? like sure j’son is awful!! ok!! but kevin was p innocent/naive when it came to THAT bit since why ... would j’son want his only chance at a proper heir to end up hating him right haha :/

tl;dr --- kevin took a long time to stop glaring at peter whenever they were in the same room, and kevin instantly fuckin loved kitty ok

DEF DID HIS BEST TO BE A GOOD BIG BROTHER FOR DINAH, TOO!! also definitely would have babysat her often when both kitty & peter were busy i bet given the age difference

when he was 23, kitty and peter officially divorced. naturally ... he felt a lot more inclined to “take kitty’s side”, as although by this point kevin grew to love earth, peter is still responsible for totally flipping kevin’s life upside down without even asking how he felt about it all

kevin’s the teachers assistant for astrophysics and astrochemistry, and is currently working towards dual phds in both subjects ( he has ab 5, almost 4 years left )

he is... a #gaylien and proud of it ( poly/pan ); he’s currently in a relationship w/ noah dane-summers, fabian todd, and jasper harkness

his last name was changed to pryde very recently, as only a short while ago, kevin found out the truth of his parentage. j’son is his father and explained everything in a letter sent by two royal guards, as well as confirmation via some alien technology that allowed them to communicate ( u kno what i mean, like video conference type stuff idkidk lmao )

since kevin always preferred kitty to peter, even when they believed peter was his dad, it only made sense for kevin to change it legally. he had no real connection/reason to keep the quill name, in his opinion

altho he was/is still rly mad at j’son for just letting this happen and the whole “”plan”” like fuck ur plan u just lost out on nearly 13 years of raising me!!!!!!! why did u let me get taken!!!!! i thOUGHT U LOVED ME---

but, uh ,, OVERALL KEVIN IS V INTELLIGENT AND LOVING AND JUST WANTS THE FUCKIN BEST FOR THOSE WHO HE CARES AB!!! WILL FIGHT IF HE NEEDS TO, BUT HONESTLY PREFERS TO NOT LMao

+++ when he figured out what memes were, he mcfreakin lost it he still loves memes ya boi :^)

#sidekick.intro #this is over 1k words i checked #i'm sorry but also i'm not

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octcvia-blog · 7 years ago

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[ zoey 101 vc ] are you ready ?? helo my dudes --- it’s your trash queen rach and this is my sweet cinnamon role octavia. when i sweet i mean like .. the girl makes sugar look like salt. does that make sense ?? probs nOT. anywhoot, i’ve been wanting to bring this muse to a group for approx 456789 years bc she’s a fave of mine. without further ado --- check out that read more for some added info on my smol child !!

( troian bellisario, cisfemale & she/her ) › › did you just see octavia lockwood? she has been in d.c. for twenty-six years now, and i heard she is a florist. pretty surprising, considering she is twenty-six. then again, i hear she is very compassionate & manipulable, so i’m not that shocked. rumor has it she is stuck in an abusive relationship, but who knows if that’s true. all i know is people call her the pristine.

[ TRIGGER WARNING: MENTIONS OF DEATH, VERBAL/PHYSICAL ABUSE ]

prepare to be depressed™ bc honestly o deserves better.

soOOoo !! ya girl here grew up in a pretty middle class home, maybe leaning more toward being that little bit wealthier than your average middle class resident but that’s not entirely important.

her momma is a florist who owns a string of small stores all across dc, while her father is a lawyer. it was said that momma lockwood was the only person who could ever break christopher lockwood’s stoic features into a bright smile --- something rarely seen by anyone. and honestly ?? octavia is the same, she can make even the grumpiest fuckers smile bc she is made of literal sunshine.

anywhoot, this smol child had an older sister --- tisby, whom she ADORED. i mean, o would literally do ANYTHING for tisby, she was her ultimate idol and just ... she looked up to her so so much.

long story short, ya’ll know i’m about to hit you with that good ol’ [ imagine dragons vc ] P A I N. so lets just say, one particular icy night, plus tisby driving the roads, plus drunk driver .. i mean it doesn’t take a genius to do that math.

octavia was literally just .. distraught, and tbh she still kinda is ?? it’s been something she could never get over, losing someone who was one of the biggest parts of her, losing her literal best friend.

although she was heartbroken, octavia was too busy putting everyone else’s feelings before herself to take time to mourn --- she convinced herself to take care of her parents after the accident, after all they had lost their daughter.

really that’s a big clue to octavia’s personality like .. the girl just puts fucking e v e r y o n e before herself it’s actually rly unhealthy at this point.

since o considered her sister like ‘the star child’ of the family, she took her loss as a now void she had to fill. despite the fact she was intelligent, a good student, and a generally good person --- octavia felt the need to study harder, to do better, a constant pressure on her that she had made up in the first place. after all, no one expected anything of her, especially not with the ridiculous expectations she set for herself.

flashing forward a couple of years, this lil angel somehow bumped into a cop one sunny afternoon; unaware that this would be a story she’d tell over and over a year later when the two found themselves engaged. after all, he was perfect --- with his impressive job, kind eyes and warm, welcoming heart.. what more could you ask for ??

so here we go and i decide to torture my smol again bc .. sike joke is on her mr. fiancee doesn’t stay that sweet lil soul.

it starts with smol little things like.. ‘you’re not wearing that dress out, are you?’, or blowing up her phone when she’s out and doesn’t answer the first time he calls. eventually, small things evolve to much more damaging, to the point where one little slip up as simple as spilling some wine while pouring him a glass with trembling fingers results in the bottle being flung across the room and brusied skin.

here’s the kicker... this bitch is still with him. [ places hand on forehead ] i knOw OKAy. but.. ya girl is too soft n easily manipulated and just ?? terrified ?? so she’s staying with him for now.

i think ?? that’s basically all on my smol angel ?? is this the worst intro ever ?/ you BeT. however, that shouldn’t stop you from plotting with me okAy. lowkey, kinda want her to accidentally have an affair bc even tho she’s pure and would be so ‘wE canT I haVe a FIaNccE’ she deserves love lowkey. loWKEY INSPIRED BY THIS PLOT. emotionally just.. the s m o l e s t? her outfit aesthetic is basically spencer hastings like ?? not sorry. lowkey used to hella believe in god and still goes to chruch at times but considering all the bad that’s happened in her life she’s kinda ?? iffy about everything now. albeit, she still always can be caught wearing a lil gold cross around her neck.. probs is always drinking herbal teas, feeds stray cats 10/10, apartment is covered in flowers and millions upon millions of books. i hope that ?? kinda covers the basis of my smol child but please!! plot with her ?? pls. lowkey feel like when the day met the night — p!atd describes her in terms of she’s the moon tbh ??

#*･˙˖ | shut up rachel — ( ooc.)#tw abuse #tw death #bw.intro

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punkscowardschampions · 4 years ago

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Jimmy & Janis

Jimmy: Oi Jimmy: we forgot another one off the 💀💀💀 list Jimmy: you gonna stick or twist? Janis: 👊 me if you give a shit Janis: need all the ways at my disposal Jimmy: here you are then, hot glue gun Janis: 🤔 Janis: sounds like a bit of 💀👑 & 💀#2 if you take it to your 🗢 and slowly starve Janis: still leaning towards 🔪 personally Jimmy: Alright, I'll invite them over Jimmy: keep your jealousy in check, my dear Janis: Jealous of you or them? Jimmy: ain't goals either way Janis: Neither is you taking up crafting, tbh so Janis: why have you got a hot glue gun? Jimmy: these cotton wool balls won't stick themselves to a 👕 Jimmy: gotta get 'em on before 💀👑 and 💀#2 think I've put snacks on Janis: 🤢 Janis: new 😎 look? Janis: 👎 Jimmy: piss off, this 🥉💡's nowt to do with me Janis: Who's is it? Janis: they ain't wasting snacks Jimmy: dunno, some other dickhead online whose kid don't wanna be a 🐑 an' all Janis: Ohh Janis: one of the more creative nativity outfits too, unlucky Janis: no tinfoil 👑s or dubious tea towels Jimmy: still looks shit enough to make our kid 😭 Janis: and you ain't got enough days to ship a probably shittier version from China Janis: alright, hold on Jimmy: I get that you live in the middle of nowt but nicking a 🐑 for #inspo ain't gonna help Janis: yeah, way to ruin my fun Janis: but my ma has had enough kids to have some ideas so you owe me for how 🥱 but informative this will be Jimmy: be a right laugh for you, be another pet I didn't ask for and have to piss about with Janis: or sunday lunch Janis: pessimist Jimmy: he's 😭 already, dickhead Janis: and I thought you northerners were meant to be hard Janis: grim and that Jimmy: @iantaylor8 Janis: Anyway, you want me to surprise you with the 🥇💡 or do you just want the lowdown on where to go Jimmy: depends Janis: on? Jimmy: if I can unstick myself or need your 💪🏆 Janis: 😏 Janis: how about I get on the bus to town now Janis: and if you manage to deal with your sticky fingers before I get there, then you can go? Jimmy: how's your ankle? Janis: not even on the scale now Jimmy: might be after you've put your foot down 🚍💣 Janis: Keanu could untangle you in 90 minutes, I reckon Janis: easy Jimmy: he ain't been pissing about 🐕🏃 Jimmy: how many you done? Janis: loads Janis: 💸 'cos the gifts don't buy 'em selves and the 🐕 owners are too busy sticking cotton balls to t-shirts, clearly 🎄✨ Jimmy: nice one, Janet Jimmy: now I'LL have to keep my jealousy in check while you put your 🦶 up on some other 🚍 riding knobhead Janis: only fair Janis: especially as you've reminded me how rammed that fucking bus is gonna be now Jimmy: I'll give one of my 👮 mates a bell to get you a 🚔 escort, hang on Janis: 😍 the perks Janis: there had to be some Jimmy: 🤡 perks off you Jimmy: won't be no struggle getting yourself on that 🚍 however full it is Janis: I'm pretty flexible Janis: contortionist might be a bold claim but 💪🏆 Jimmy: but it ain't a proper flex til I say it Jimmy: 💔 for you Janis: that's a fake flex Janis: don't need you for nothing Jimmy: after what happened on the assault course it'd sound like a real pisstake Janis: 1. that's agility if it's anything 2. also your fault Jimmy: never said it weren't, just how it'd sound Janis: No need to tell me what it 🔊 like Janis: the DMs are on the up again, yeah? Janis: same Jimmy: tis the season Janis: cutting it a bit fine to get a decent gift out of it Janis: but I suppose the couply selfies you can take are a close 🥈 for them Jimmy: can't keep the receipt on chlamydia but you can blag you went somewhere nice for the hols Janis: girls are actually demented Janis: at least no lad is gonna try and put me in matching knitwear and make me meet his nan Jimmy: 🥇💡 idea though I'll get you a #goals gift that ain't a trip to the cemetery Janis: oh yeah Janis: I'll get you something as well, even though I'm not required to try as hard Jimmy: stick a 🎀 on yourself and have done Jimmy: what the rest of the lasses do Janis: yeah literally Janis: as long as I heavily imply I'm gonna suck your dick, all is well, all is #goals Jimmy: 👍 Janis: but if you don't do good that # is gonna be a read Jimmy: challenge accepted Janis: even if you get out the glue after me Janis: you can come to the shops too Jimmy: I thought you were gonna say even if you give me the glue gun #regifted Janis: I mean Janis: not quite handcuffs Jimmy: fuck's sake babe, let me leave my work at work Janis: fine Janis: the 🚔 escort will as you won't Jimmy: you and your stolen 🐑 Jimmy: dead romantic, that Janis: I'm not from the middle of nowhere, tah Janis: 🐑shagging isn't a hobby Jimmy: back to the drawing board for our fake break up Janis: all the shite songs they pump out have plenty of inspo in 'em Jimmy: nowt I don't know about 🎄🎵 been forced to hear 'em since November Janis: 💔 gutted Jimmy: no chance of 🎻 Janis: how have you not fully lost it yet Janis: only a few days to go Jimmy: how'd you know I've not? Janis: I'd have heard of a mass shooting Janis: not that out of it Janis: also my sister wouldn't be about no more which would be a bigger giveaway Jimmy: 👻 letdowns Jimmy: worst I can do is rattle a few cups Jimmy: 💔💔💔 Janis: I'm used to it Janis: the friendmas organisation is in full swing Janis: 🤡🔫 Jimmy: where's my invite? Janis: OMG, no boys allowed! 🚫 Janis: though bets on Mia breaking her own rule there just to torture Grace Jimmy: I'll 👗👠💄 and be a prettier lass than any of them Janis: 😍 what kind of fake gf would disagree Janis: aside from the fact that ain't a stretch on a good day Jimmy: tah Jimmy: when is it? Janis: [some day as close to xmas as you are allowed 'cos pretending we're such good mates like okay] Jimmy: alright Jimmy: 🖋🩸 Janis: like, no offence or anything, babes Janis: but I don't see you passing REALLY 😬 Janis: and even they might notice they've picked up another desperado Jimmy: 1. piss off would I not 2. call it my 🎁 seeing the look on 💀👑 when I bring her 🎄 cake Janis: it would be decent craic Janis: they never do it at ours though Jimmy: typical, that, can't get sodding rid the rest of the year Jimmy: have to get us an 💌 then, won't I Jimmy: hang on Janis: I get it Janis: you miss Asia Janis: don't think 💀👑 has 'em do team-building exercises 💔💔💔 Jimmy: yeah, cupid's arrow's got nowt on falling on your arse when the ground's near froze Jimmy: reminded me of home 😍😍😍 Janis: she's well considerate like that Janis: not so braindead after-all Jimmy: 🤞 Jimmy: don't wanna give 💀👑 the 🎁 of seeing I've had to flirt with her to crash their bollocks festivities Janis: can't play into her hands that hard Janis: keep your 😍😍😍 focused in the right direction Jimmy: 🚍 Janis: yes, this is your driver speaking Jimmy: be a 🚑 if your mum ain't cracked on to a way I can chuck this glue gun Janis: I've sorted it Janis: well my sister's shit taste in fashion helped Jimmy: usually get 💰 for 3rd degree burns, me Jimmy: how's that for a flex? Janis: You made a rod for your own back being the artsy one or what? Jimmy: weren't gonna let a 6 year old have a go, were I? Janis: and it's not Ian's thing Jimmy: dunno where he is Jimmy: might be work, might be the pub Jimmy: be a better shout to give it over to my sister, anger issues an' all, any road Janis: you can put it down and get yourself a drink now Janis: all I need you to have is a black marker, which I know you do Jimmy: #whenshereallygetsyou Jimmy: 🥃 cheers Janis: you know those sherpa jackets they all have Janis: makes them look like a giant 🧸 but not in the adorbs way they're hoping Janis: Penneys has loads of them, get a paper plate, glue it on the hood and colour it in black, cut another in half for the ears and ta-da Janis: and I'll just take the jacket so no need to pay me back Janis: only in favours, obviously Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: IOU enough 🚬 to send that cheap shite up in flames, I get it Janis: yeah, probably don't string some fairylights round his neck as well Janis: would've taken hers but it's almost pink and I reckoned that'd just make him 😭 more Jimmy: you'd have to nick them an' all for him to be in any danger Jimmy: and what kind of fake boyfriend would let you up on the neighbour's roof with that ankle Janis: you want some lights? Janis: it's the easiest shop to borrow from Janis: they must have some that aren't shaped like the 🍆 emoji or a fucking unicorn Jimmy: 💔 I ain't coming with, you've really sold it to me Janis: oh, duh Janis: you call it primark Janis: it's hell on earth, you'd love it Janis: when they ain't guzzling your over-priced coffee, they're getting fast fashion made by little slave kids 💖 so cute Jimmy: hang on, why the fuck do you call it something different? Jimmy: now I have to come, not gonna knit an ugly jumper myself and nan's 💀💀💀 Janis: adds to our delightful charm? I don't know Janis: imagine the atrocities Janis: I'm gonna find the best, by which I mean WORST, one Jimmy: I'll meet you there Jimmy: be enough dickheads to follow if I get lost Janis: follow the knock-off UGGs they've trashed in the rain and snow Jimmy: hot Jimmy: don't get enough wet 🐕 smell off of you as is or owt Janis: err fuck off Janis: I haven't even got a dog, you have Jimmy: I have nowt to do with it, you can't move for 🐕🐾💩 Janis: 1. I don't fucking smell, dickhead 2. you're well opposed to me showering so you'd have yourself to blame if I did Jimmy: I'll nick you a 🦽 and you can do what you like Jimmy: many cold 🚿 as you need, mate Janis: you just want me to freeze now Janis: and your ⛓ kink hasn't got any less blatant Jimmy: weren't the way you wanna 💀💀💀 Janis: It ain't Janis: so your genius plan better include a way to warm me up Jimmy: might do Janis: the ugly jumper don't count Janis: cheap shit, as mentioned Jimmy: don't remember chucking it in the ring as my 💡 Janis: I don't wanna dress up as a sheep neither 😏 Jimmy: 💔 you'd be a well fit and mysterious one Janis: the racial undertones of ba ba black sheep have already been pointed out Janis: very on the nose Jimmy: I ain't got as far as black facing our kid, what more do you want? Janis: yeah, minorities are WELL demanding like that Jimmy: that'll be why Ian's steering well clear Janis: 💔💔 of course Jimmy: 🎻😭💔 Janis: thank god this is fake dating Janis: don't need a get out situation, tah Jimmy: knew you were protesting too much about the ⛓ Jimmy: you love it, Jules Jimmy: don't even need the stockholm syndrome to kick in Janis: not so much I wanna try it with your dad Janis: that's more 💀👑 gig Jimmy: UGH FINE we won't pass you round Janis: 😂 you're vile Jimmy: 💕 Janis: not as bad as some of the 'people' on this bus though Janis: won't be too hard to pretend to be glad to see you, in case any of the herd as in Penneys Janis: glad to breathe clean air more like but 🤫 Jimmy: 🚭 I get it Jimmy: very subtle Janis: easier to get you to cut down if I just take half Janis: but alright Jimmy: stop having a go at my stamina, dickhead Janis: make me Janis: 🤐 Jimmy: 🏃 after your 🚍 ain't the way to go about it Janis: Impressive but also stalkerish, yeah Jimmy: turning every dickhead there into a fan ain't clearing either of our DMs Janis: I doubt all these 👵👴 have Instas Janis: but the single mums with the screaming kids, definitely Janis: don't wanna ponder the creepy guy at the back Jimmy: but have you double checked it ain't Lucas in a disguise? Jimmy: he'll be missing you SO bad by now Janis: 😱😱 Janis: my hopes? ⬆️ Jimmy: 🎁's have begun, Jasmine Janis: Good Janis: I do expect one every day tbh 💅 Jimmy: alright Janis: that's a joke though Jimmy: don't have to be Jimmy: 🏆🥇 me Janis: only if you're gonna steal 'em all Janis: don't need to waste real money for the fake #goals Jimmy: DUH Janis: then proceed Janis: I can slowly just put them in Grace's room, I'm sure Jimmy: we could use the glue gun to stick 'em to her ceiling Janis: now you're talking 😍 Jimmy: do 💀👑 an' all if that's where their friendmas is but probably need a ladder to reach her ceilings Jimmy: no standing on the bed when you're 💰💰💰 Janis: You love to carry me, I'll get on your shoulders Jimmy: 👍 Janis: I think it's at hers Janis: maybe 💀#2 but none of the others want their houses and lives judged that hard so they opt out Jimmy: we'll be able to get some more blackmail material either way Janis: Did you seriously get an invite? Jimmy: are you actually doubting me or what? Janis: I know Asia's thick as shit but Janis: what did you say? Jimmy: [sends her the messages cos it seriously wouldn't be hard since the flatwhites think everyone wants to be their BFFs even though the opposite is true, so all he'd have to do is be like soz about the school trip we're just SO IN LOVE WE CAN'T HELP OURSELVES] Janis: 🙄🙄 Janis: fairplay but 🤢 🤮 🤧 😷 🤒 🤕 new scale needed Jimmy: go on then Jimmy: where are you? Janis: Do you actually know your way about yet or? Janis: I'm still a bit away, though, if that's what you mean Jimmy: I did mean on your new 🤢 🤮 🤧 😷 🤒 🤕 scale Janis: 🤕 then Janis: clearly Janis: you? Jimmy: 🤮 Jimmy: weren't talking to 💀👑 Jimmy: directly anyway Janis: She'd not have said yes Janis: unless she's got some pig blood just waiting, like Jimmy: she's so #invested in our 💘 she'd say yeah near enough whatever I said Jimmy: probably reckons she can 💔 us before the pudding's served Jimmy: her 🥇💡'll be to have Asia in a sexy santa outfit ready to crack onto me or some bollocks Janis: nah, seriously Janis: wanna talk pimps Janis: one of Asia's only uses Janis: poor bitch Jimmy: I'll take my 🎻 Janis: as long as it don't look like you're 💔 you can't go there, fine by me Jimmy: I get that none of them can read body language but facial expressions are a bit easier Janis: and you are so expressive Janis: 😒😎 Jimmy: for you, baby, the 😎'll be off Jimmy: nowt to do with the 🌧 and 🌨 Janis: 😳😖🤤🥴 Janis: so many expressions 🏆 Jimmy: Oi, I wanted to give you the 🏆 Jimmy: pissed on today's 🎁 Janis: 😮 there's me, still acting surprised Janis: you can't say you're gonna give me something then not Jimmy: SUCH range, you Jimmy: where would I steal a 🏆 from? nah, you'll get something Janis: I take my wins in many forms Janis: you can just tell me Janis: that'll work Jimmy: you can just wait Janis: 🥺 Janis: original scale Jimmy: it'll be worth it Jimmy: famous last words Janis: can poison the dish we have to bring Janis: if you're ready to go 💀💀💀 Jimmy: I don't wanna go with them Jimmy: just you Janis: I can promise it'll be worth it then too Jimmy: alright Janis: am gonna make that meal fucking inedible for them Janis: even if it's coming straight back up in most cases Janis: and fucking with them however else we can 💭 Jimmy: 🤞 Bill's 👻 knows some others, Dickens would be a good shout to keep things on brand 🎄 Jimmy: but whether he do or don't I've had loads of piss poor dinners Jimmy: Ian knows how to pick well #goals girlfriends Janis: think he'd be the 'what's the point in you if you can't cook n clean?' type Janis: being mysterious runs in the family, clearly Jimmy: beggars can't be choosers, mate Jimmy: slim pickings round that office when you've already been done for harassment Janis: 😬 Janis: need to talk to Mia's dad, work out the legality of being a perv with no repercussions Jimmy: how he tells it he's had loads 🎻🎻🎻 Jimmy: woe's him Janis: woe's the stupid bitches still going there after, more like Janis: have a word, ladies Jimmy: sort your heads out Sharons Jimmy: need a new mum who's got her shit together, tah very much Janis: one who's handy with a hot glue gun Jimmy: or a sewing machine, why the fuck not dream big? Janis: steady on Janis: #mommygoals isn't a hashtag I wanna endorse Jimmy: 😏 Janis: take mine, if you like Jimmy: bit weird Janis: I only 🐕🏃 Janis: cooking, cleaning, hot glueing, not services I provide, soz Jimmy: I'll live Jimmy: more #goals to be fuming about your mother in law Janis: easily done Jimmy: with my mum an' all, soz you'll have to take my word for it Janis: you're unlikely to see mine Janis: unless you have a banging selection of herbal teas Jimmy: gutted she don't wanna see her 🐑💡 brought to life on stage Janis: reckon turning up when you ain't got a kid in it gets you on a register, no? Janis: my dad coulda, sure some of his spawn are performing too but alas Janis: she didn't have that many 🥈 Jimmy: Ian's seat's going spare is all, obvs it were front and centre, dad of the year that he is Janis: what's he got on? Janis: latest disciplinary Janis: is your brother gutted? Jimmy: he'd be gutted if I weren't there Jimmy: what a #humblebrag Janis: good thing you can be arsed then Janis: and you have a sister too, right? Jimmy: dragging her along, kicking and marding 💪🏆 Janis: know the feeling Janis: bribe her with maccies after and tell him it's a treat for being a ⭐ Janis: everyone's buzzing Jimmy: what've you got on? Janis: me and my absolutely packed schedule? Janis: only 🐕🏃 ain't far off, aside from what I wanna, which can be done any time I want, of course Jimmy: nowt 🥇 about mine but we could edit it to look like we're #livingourbestlives Jimmy: I live right by the school, you could wait for me there, take some 📷 or whatever Janis: It's actually not an awful shout Janis: they're all obsessed with the cute kid thing Janis: and actually, Asia might be there with hers so Janis: very goals Jimmy: do try and put it out my head there's more than one set of those 🦷🦷 about Jimmy: fuck it, come then Jimmy: least I know you'll be sitting down Janis: 😂 fuck marrying a doctor, she's gotta find a dentist, for the whole family's sake Janis: I'm not coming in a 🦽 though Janis: that's a bit much Jimmy: #ultimategoals Jimmy: just admit you want me to carry you, girl Janis: behave Janis: might not be OUR teachers, but they'll have no issue telling you off, I'm sure Jimmy: donkey'd be a bit much but as fake pregnancy announcements go, top tier Janis: so gutted I can't fake labour and give birth to the new lord and saviour Janis: really steal the show Jimmy: could if it's Lucas' and you're making a Christmas cuck of me Janis: um, it's God's Janis: keep up Jimmy: sure it is Janis: 😱 Janis: didn't catch Joseph acting up like this Jimmy: didn't give him any lines, did they? Janis: I think he gets to ask if there's any room at the inn Jimmy: Oi mate, give us a 🛏 Jimmy: brought my own ⛓ like Janis: don't even get a break mid-labour Janis: hardcore Janis: weren't you Joseph in your nativity then? Jimmy: that your guess? Janis: yeah, I reckon Jimmy: what were you? Janis: just a generic angel Janis: was going to be one of the wise men but grace threw a fit if we weren't exactly the same Janis: tah for the downgrade Jimmy: if they could 👀 you now Jimmy: oscar worthy fake girlfriend performance day in, day out Janis: obviously they didn't see my potential like you, babe Janis: she might have legitimately tried to murder me if I got to be Mary 😂 no she weren't a twin, like Jimmy: I actually were one of the wise men, soz, sweetheart Jimmy: could've been #fated Janis: bet you was frankincense 'cos you could say big words Janis: I'm so 😭 honestly Jimmy: as roleplays go, not my top choice, but owt for you, babe Janis: if anything is a test of how well you can fake it Jimmy: you testing me? Janis: depends Jimmy: ? Janis: if we have the time to make THREE costumes instead of one Janis: I highly doubt it Janis: 😏 Jimmy: challenge accepted Jimmy: tin foil 👑 weren't it? Janis: yeah, and some kind of bedsheet robe, bit of tinsel Janis: sorted Jimmy: bet they have a 👸🏽 I can nick for you if your description of that shop were owt to go by Janis: definitely Janis: even if the hen party ones have L plates and dicks over 'em, the Disney ones should be a bit more nativity appropriate Jimmy: steal the show piss easy Janis: LOVE making little kids cry, obvs Jimmy: same Jimmy: just ain't as good when they're deaf, you can't get the volume out of 'em Jimmy: gutted we didn't end up with one who always shouts, obvs Janis: I'm gonna assume you got that deaf free pass and not go there myself Jimmy: safer to take owt I say with 🧂🤏 Jimmy: all fake anyway this Janis: ain't forgotten, you're alright Jimmy: didn't hit your head, I remember Janis: wouldn't tell you if I had Janis: the drama'd be too much Jimmy: I'd have worked that much out Jimmy: northern and only a bit thick Janis: 😵😵 Jimmy: no excuses, pisshead Janis: I know, I know Janis: you pride yourself on being 🏆💪 at the whole fake caring bf thing Jimmy: you saying I'm not? Janis: didn't say that, nah Jimmy: what then? Janis: what do you mean what? Janis: nothing Jimmy: 👌 Janis: you're lucky you live in town Jimmy: about the only thing mine's got going for it Janis: yeah Janis: this bus ride has nothing though so take the 🍀 Jimmy: how long? Janis: gimme 15 Jimmy: [gives her whatever he's drawn her for the first advent doodle because I was hoping to find something but I've been cockblocked] Jimmy: [maybe it's her as a lil bub wise man though now cos live your dreams] Janis: [love that, when you dunno what to say for a hot sec so you post it first being fake but lowkey having to tell the real story somewhat 'cos like, why and what else so it can't be that fake] Janis: you are good at art, give you that Jimmy: @ Ms Howe Jimmy: 💰 on her having a real account but dunno what it is Jimmy: @artteacheroveralls73 Jimmy: @reasonswhyloadsofartistsareproblematic Jimmy: @ihatenortherners86 Janis: you aren't her fave? Janis: 💔 Janis: cliche affair could've cut out any need for fake dating Jimmy: not a lass with a bowl cut and 🖌 behind her 👂 Janis: you've got the same type Janis: bummer Jimmy: piss off Janis: 😂 Janis: we can say it is Janis: maybe one of 'em will chop off all their hair Jimmy: you'd have to an' all Jimmy: unless you're that 🥇 I've binned off my type Janis: Precisely Janis: no competition Jimmy: what's yours then? just 👴 who teach you or what? Janis: must be Janis: not a lesbian and that's the other guess Jimmy: 👍 Janis: tah Janis: well affirming Jimmy: didn't need telling that you weren't gay Jimmy: not that good of an actress Janis: rude Janis: basically got an oscar Jimmy: off who? Jimmy: don't count if you give it to yourself, Judith Janis: you Jimmy: you've had nowt off me but that top quality 🎨 Janis: only because you can't find a 🏆 to give me Jimmy: 'cause it's up to me what I give you Jimmy: and as rewards go, I can do better Janis: I like the drawing Jimmy: yeah? Jimmy: you can have it, instead of just a 📷 if you want Janis: alright Jimmy: alright Janis: what do you actually want Janis: in return Jimmy: what's #goals? Jimmy: other than all this nativity bollocks Janis: true, very selfless of me Jimmy: there you go then Jimmy: weren't wrong about the 👼🏽 casting even if you were fuming Janis: I can fake 👼🏽 yeah Janis: but it's not really that selfless with all the #content we'll be getting Jimmy: still, I'll leave off taking your halo for a bit Janis: 'til you get me my 👸🏽 Jimmy: only fair Jimmy: can't fit a bobble hat over a head that big and with all that hair an' all Janis: still not getting a bowl cut Janis: let it go, babe Jimmy: good Jimmy: hard enough to fake the 😍 as you are Janis: yeah right Janis: hear the 🎻 from here Jimmy: play them like you mean them, babe Janis: if you wanted this to be easy for you Janis: should've picked an art hoe you could get properly 😍 over Jimmy: you're alright, a lass like that wouldn't be impressed by owt like a quick 🖋🎨 Janis: so now I'm TOO easy, yeah? Jimmy: not a tweet I'll be sending but Janis: fuck you either way Janis: just because I'm doing my job 🥇 you're gonna have a go Janis: thank me, more like Jimmy: fucking me regardless is something an easy lass would do 😏 Janis: yeah but I only fuck you 'cos you're the perfect little boyfriend so don't matter Janis: no one knows how much of a colossal dickhead you are, remember Jimmy: be about right Janis: you haven't bumped your head and forgotten the plan neither Jimmy: not yet, like Jimmy: but hell on earth were what you said Janis: if you get in way of a big mammy and her Christmas deals, you might be in luck of a fair smack, yeah Jimmy: #kinkunlocked Janis: good 'cos I won't be saving you Jimmy: 💔🎻😭 Janis: 🖕 Jimmy: 💕 Janis: entertain yourself Jimmy: easy Janis: contrary to your opinion, not obsessed with your 🍆 or what you do with it Jimmy: got an inbox full of lasses who are, I'll live Janis: yeah, you're loving it Jimmy: 👍 Janis: 🙄 Jimmy: [a picture of him waiting for her wherever the bus comes in doing his own 🙄 because he's a nerd and also he's never gonna just wait for her outside the shop when THAT ankle] Janis: Wow, if you're gonna leave, politer ways to 💔 Jimmy: ruder ways an' all Janis: idk Janis: quite rude, that Jimmy: is it? Janis: suppose I don't have to fake my 😍 at your mug right now Jimmy: there you go then Janis: Not going to say thank you still Jimmy: 💔🎻😭 Janis: you don't need to wait though Jimmy: can't chuck myself under the 🚍 til it gets in Janis: not how you wanted it Janis: or how I said I'd do it Jimmy: never said it'd 💀💀💀 me Jimmy: you want a 🦽 or what? Janis: you want matching Janis: alright Jimmy: what could be more #goals? Janis: I quite like walking but you know Janis: as you like it Jimmy: dry your eyes, mate Jimmy: bit more nursing and you'll be well away Janis: you gonna let me go then? Jimmy: 💪🏆🥇 you Jimmy: not gonna have a choice Janis: thought you might finish the job Janis: 🦶🪓 Jimmy: did cross my mind Janis: No shit, Kathy Janis: the kink is blatant Jimmy: you could do worse, Lucas ain't gonna let you piss about in bed all day when it's his turn Janis: 🤤🤤 Janis: I like the challenge Jimmy: #blessed Janis: counting down the days Janis: #tilwemeetagain Jimmy: 🤞 you'll have him all to yourself in detention Jimmy: no tah needed Janis: you heard anything yet? Jimmy: he ain't using that for why he's not bothered to crack on with crafting a 🐑 costume Janis: 👎 Janis: he's gonna look cute Janis: not your dad Jimmy: I get it, no need for a poor man's Lucas when you can have the real thing 🥇 Janis: something like that Jimmy: 👴💕 Janis: [better show up gal] Jimmy: [resist the urge to immediately pick her up please sir] Janis: [when you're awkward like it's been ages just because there's been like a night or a day whatever reprieve love it, just like let us get to primark to get this sheep costume moment hun] Jimmy: [are we doing both on mobility scooters or him pushing her in a wheelchair/trolley because v different vibes but both iconic] Janis: [hmm, I assume their Dublin store would be big so I reckon we could go mobility scooter, you would find that more fun once you get into it too] Jimmy: [love that just don't do a me and knock a whole display of bras over yourself] Janis: [I did say we threw our bra on Mia's head so let's not reclaim that for yourself hen, though I do find them difficult to drive as someone who hasn't needed to so it will be carnage, like Primark at xmas isn't already hehe] Jimmy: [10000% am gonna say he takes off her shoes and won't give them back so instead puts on some OTT christmas slippers that are shaped like a xmas pudding or some nonsense because she's been on that ankle too much honey and we are cross] Janis: [we do not love ourselves or our lives enough to take a break so it's tea also that is amusant so yes because shan't be buying and that's the kind of mankiness you can expect from this shop or any high street one lowkey] Jimmy: [literally just gonna chuck them back on the floor or leave them in this scooter basket soz not soz, she's not walking around they won't get too trashed hens] Janis: [peeps do go feral so so can you lads, not to mention taking the piss out of all the weird things they put on clothes 'cos it do be wild] Jimmy: [they are gonna have a lovely time taking the piss out of everything and everyone tbh] Janis: [there should be peeps from school in there but like randoms so not enough to warrant a full show but as an excuse you barely need for couplish behaviour when spotted] Jimmy: [great idea cos you know there would be loads of peeps out shopping rn odds on some of them you vaguely recognise, I vote for some art hoes for the lols] Janis: [ha some art hoes out with their fam or something I live] Jimmy: [aesthetically doing the most haha] Janis: [just immaturely like there's your real girlfriend] Jimmy: [will get you with this scooter like they're bumper cars like oi] Janis: [when you don't know her name obvs so you're just shouting out really pisstakey ones like oi clem oi wren etc] Jimmy: [can't not lol] Janis: [sorry to this girl but we're not, just don't trash these scooters that we're using to bump into him/everyone/everything] Jimmy: [also not sorry for whatever he's chucking at her as the mood takes him] Janis: [just don't chuck that stripper jumper or we'll actually be raging] Jimmy: [can't wait for your jumper try on sesh when we reach that section lads] Janis: [oh lawd] Jimmy: [they should try on like onesies and all sorts so we have to have a full big disabled changing room moment] Janis: [the filmsy excuse like must you? yes obvs] Jimmy: [we live for a flimsy excuse in this era] Jimmy: [actually gutted the flatwhites aren't here because they have beds set up with xmas covers etc in the big primarks imagine the show they could've put on] Janis: [we must be prepping our low-cal xmas meal lmao] Jimmy: [Asia won't be making her sister's donkey outfit] Janis: [lmaooooooooooooooo what else can you do in a primark hmm] Jimmy: [I don't think we can get decs cos they all suck we're gonna have to steal them from elsewhere] Janis: [that fine, any other shop will have some that aren't horrific, primark might have the kind of make your own vibe that Bobby would like] Jimmy: [aww that'd be cute] Janis: [you crafty boi, you'd also know how to do it without a kit girl so if you wanna come through you can, as for primark, we probably get the vibe, unless there's anything specific we wanna say/do?} Jimmy: [I think we've covered it so you can go back to his gaff and construct this 🐑 lewk] Janis: [at least we've made your life 10x easier with this coat, also gonna be the first time you've been to his so probably just hanging about outside like am I leaving now or] Jimmy: [will carry you over the threshold like that was what was stopping you coming in even though he blatantly doesn't need help & make you tea so we can have that milk two sugars revelation] Janis: [just like sup bitch to Twix] Jimmy: [the beginning of the real love story] Janis: [not like we're pure awkward and like hi dog this I can do right at least] Jimmy: [I hope they've found a christmas jumper for you too Twix cos there's no festive cheer in this gaff] Janis: [casually assess how many decs we gotta get, also dread to think the jumpers you've ended up with] Jimmy: [give her that doodle you did and dramatically sign it like a nerd] Janis: [🙄but 😏 'get famous and I'll flog it'] Jimmy: ['you've posted it, bound to get insta famous' cue a fake dramatic scroll through his phone] Janis: ['if you have to put a word before it, it don't count' and mimes shooting him in the chest 'cos insta fame is all we have hunny] Jimmy: [does an OTT death scene] Janis: [twix will be trampling all over you like oh hey what you doing down here] Jimmy: [😒 but we secretly love her really] Janis: [just like it's your own fault boy but putting out a hand to help him up] Jimmy: [takes it and pretends like he's gonna pull her down which is accidentally saucy, remember that mud moment lads, but doesn't obvs] Janis: [😳 and lowkey pretending you're gonna drop him so he's reminded of Asia and the assault course instead] Jimmy: [puts her foot up and generally fusses like a nurse because we know it's fucked] Janis: ['you're meant to be drawing a sheep's face right now' 'cos you cannot like focus boy] Jimmy: [gets and chucks a bag of frozen peas at her so he can put a tea towel on her head like an even bigger nerd but then does get his craft on] Janis: ['downgrade' like where's me crown but staying put 'cos it'll be more fuss if you don't] Jimmy: [obvs does make her a crown that's actually decent because that bitch] Janis: [so amused 'cos impressive 'wasted on me and not quinn'] Jimmy: [takes a pic like it's not wasted now but really it's to hide our heart eyes/stop him saying something that he can't pretend is fake when there is nobody here] Janis: ['rather this than a sheep, I guess' like not a #goals lewk soz bobby it will be on you] Jimmy: [chucks all those cotton wall balls he couldn't attach at her like they are little snowballs because playfights forever] Janis: [just juggling with them like I too can be impressive lmao] Jimmy: [craft break while he tries to have a go/tries to get her to teach him how to do it because we're impressed but also competitive] Janis: [love that for y'all, I can't do it but I assume you'll at least be able to do 2 or 3 jimothy] Jimmy: [one should fall in his tea though because 💔] Janis: [devastation] Jimmy: [cue OTT pout soz for how distracting that always is] Janis: [getting up like calm down, I'll make another one, 'cos looking for an excuse to move tbh] Jimmy: [gotta push her back down into that seat before she can because sauciness forever] Janis: [just like OI but a LOOK too] Jimmy: [giving that LOOK back as standard] Janis: ['I can do it'] Jimmy: [putting out a hand to help her up for that parallel] Janis: [reluctantly taking it with a 😒 'cos omg we're fine even though we aren't but you know] Jimmy: [does the drawing a smile with his finger tip thing because if we actually touch her rn there will be no stopping us and this sheep isn't gonna finish itself] Janis: [run and make that tea gal distraction distraction] Jimmy: [likewise get crafting again jimothy] Janis: [let twix out the kitchen door 'cos she's being cray no doubt] Jimmy: [of course she is] Janis: how old is your brother Jimmy: 6 Janis: cute Jimmy: I'll pass that on Janis: the only kids I know are toddlers and babies Janis: have to be a bit less annoying at that age, right Jimmy: he's the only kid I know Jimmy: don't do my head in as much as the screaming 👶's at work Janis: yeah Janis: my oldest sister has a couple, they're nightmares Jimmy: 🤞 Ian's past it Janis: 🤞 his girlfriends are Janis: blokes never are Jimmy: depends whose arse he decides to slap at the photocopier this week Jimmy: 🤞 for a barren Sharon Janis: Christmas wish, or whatever Jimmy: @ Santa Jimmy: have a word Janis: plenty of sad christmas movies with that premise Janis: your brother really needs to be the ⭐ though Janis: you're well past it Jimmy: piss off am I Jimmy: every teenager on telly is played by a 35 year old, me and my crows feet are well in Janis: and I'm saying you pining for a step mum is for a whole different type of film Jimmy: dunno what you mean by that, Jenna Janis: 😇 Janis: [come back with that tea and the most dubious sure jan face] Jimmy: [😏] Janis: [shakes head like tut tut] Jimmy: [sips tea in a sassy manner] Janis: ['animal' and pointedly checking out his progress] Jimmy: [imaginary watch check time lol] Janis: ['never ends, eh?' squishes his face like poor boy] Jimmy: [a shrug 'not til you kill me'] Janis: ['better put in your appearance first for the kid'] Jimmy: [nods because no fucker else is gonna do it 'whatever they're using for the baby jesus might come in handy an' all, fake kid for you to remember me by' because we think we're leaving lol] Janis: [such an unamused face 'no thank you' like you don't know how rife teen pregnancy is in this fam lol] Jimmy: [a look like yeah it won't look as fit and mysterious as me but still] Janis: ['it's always some pale ginger kid anyway'] Jimmy: [picks up Twix and wraps her up in the sofa blanket like a little bub and hands her to Janis like there you go cos looks a bit like them being white but with whirls and she was a bit gingery when she was a pup] Janis: [when you can't just yeet this dog so you have to take her and give her some love but you're like 😑] Jimmy: [squishes her face like she just did to him] Janis: [swats him away 'prick' and is on our phone like we're very busy but we just don't wanna make this bad mood more of a thing] Jimmy: [Twix just kissing her face like ILY] Janis: [can't be mad at this pup at least, in reality we just seeing where nearby does decent decs that you can go and get] Jimmy: [meanwhile we're getting the bae painkillers cos we think that's why she's cross] Janis: [shakes head, 'saw Helena earlier'] Jimmy: [shrugs like suit yourself 'tah for keeping it off the 'gram' like she's cheating on you with Helena imagine] Janis: [? then like ugh 'turns out she sells 'em so well in' she does not and we did not, the utter lies girl] Jimmy: [we're ignoring that bollocks and drinking our tea/finally finishing this sheep] Janis: [ta-da gesture 'where is he, anyway?' like neither of us can model this sheep moment adequately] Jimmy: [looks around OTT dramatically like 😱 where IS he? cos can't just answer a question] Janis: [lifts up a cushion or something like hello?] Jimmy: [cue a silly fake hide and seek] Janis: [Twix will give you away so easily lmao] Jimmy: [eventually flopping down OTT dramatically basically on top of her like you're so knackered because always taking the piss out of his stamina] Janis: [acting like he's so heavy like you're gonna kill me] Jimmy: ['not the way you wanna go'] Janis: ['is that even a question?'] Jimmy: ['didn't draw owt' because he did draw ? on her with a fingertip during the school trip and it was very flirty] Janis: ['there you go then' like no need to answer] Jimmy: 'reckon we're on our own' like there you go then for that question you asked about Bobby's whereabouts but you're still basically all up in her grill so it's accidentally flirty as well as a no shit answer] Janis: [takes a picture to be like now we ain't] Jimmy: [do a little photoshoot so you can have an excuse to make out because it's been FOREVER as far as you're concerned] Janis: [when we haven't even processed any of this lowkey] Jimmy: [it's a headfuck kids] Janis: ['did you go to school this morning, after?' 'cos saying you clearly didn't] Jimmy: ['what kind of question is that?' cos clearly didn't either, nods in the direction of the sheep costume fail like] Janis: [shrugs 'maybe you give up easy' like he came home did ten minutes and was like nah] Jimmy: [a look like very subtle challenge there babe] Janis: ['piss off' and pushing him a bit away 'cos we haven't moved evidently] Jimmy: [gets up and starts cleaning up all the crafting mess like fine I can take a hint] Janis: [ah the frustration, getting up like well then 'what time's the nativity thing?'] Jimmy: [telling her whatever time it is] Janis: ['meet you there then' and peacing] Jimmy: [so many things he wanted to say but we're not saying any of them] Janis: [oh lads] Jimmy: [sends her a pic of Bobby when he tries on that sheep lewk] Janis: 👍 Janis: looks pretty good I reckon Janis: he happier now? Jimmy: he's moved to 😢 Jimmy: should've kept your 👑 'cause the only 🏆'll be the FUMING mum's 💔 they never 💡🥇 of pissing about with their old clothes Janis: it's an improvement, suppose Janis: nah, could've earnt it if I committed to taking my sisters and glueing a paper plate to it Janis: 💔 oh well Jimmy: far as thankless tasks go, it's got nowt on 👴👵☕ Janis: you can wear it then Janis: have to size it up Jimmy: you gonna give me a hand or what? Janis: you did such a good job first time 'round Jimmy: without the tweet singing my praises, how would I know? Janis: if you want me to post, just say so Jimmy: if I have to tell you how to do the job, might as well do it myself Janis: fuck's sake Janis: we're literally going to clog their feeds later with all this nativity shit Janis: don't act like I ain't doing anything Jimmy: didn't have you down for a part timer but alright Janis: what you have me down as is irrelevant 'cos you don't know me Jimmy: weren't about to start a Q & A Janis: Good Janis: I know how to do the job, so do you Janis: leave it at that Jimmy: I were only pissing about, what's your problem? Janis: nothing Janis: there's just no need to do anything else Jimmy: in a bit then Janis: okay Janis: don't forget the santas hat you said he needed for jingle bells at the end Jimmy: 👍 Janis: 👋 Jimmy: 😘 Janis: not worth a screenshot Janis: but I got the message, like Jimmy: what message is that? Janis: more 👏 content 👏 Jimmy: steady on, I ain't 💀👑 Janis: the point was bigger and better, weren't it Jimmy: 🥇 or nowt Jimmy: you said nowt Janis: when did I? Jimmy: no need to do owt else, weren't it? so there's no need to make me sound like a tory slave driver Janis: just forget it, alright Jimmy: forget what? Janis: that I said anything Jimmy: or what? Janis: why would you not? Janis: there's nothing to gain from this Jimmy: might be if you stop being a dickhead and tell me what's wrong Janis: I'll just stop Janis: if you do as well Jimmy: what have I done? Janis: do you think you've done anything? Jimmy: that's not an answer Jimmy: the answer's nowt Janis: there you go then Jimmy: stopping doing nowt means doing something, so go on, what do you want? Janis: I don't want anything Janis: alright Janis: I shouldn't have slept with you Jimmy: freezing weren't how you wanted to 💀💀💀 either Janis: what Jimmy: I weren't gonna let you sleep out there on your own Janis: are you serious Jimmy: are you? Janis: you've already called me desperate for it Janis: now you think I'd just do it for the warmth and you get to be some kind of gentleman for bothering Jimmy: 1. I've said nowt of the sort 2. sort your head out if that's where you reckon mine is Janis: You said I was easy Jimmy: piss off Jimmy: that were you, for a start Janis: no it wasn't Jimmy: bollocks Janis: it was you Janis: anyway, it was a mistake Jimmy: you legged it, you're calling it a mistake, nowt to do with me, that Janis: because I'm not easy and you've got the wrong idea if you reckon that Janis: so let's stick to what is actually working and leave it Jimmy: you're being a massive dickhead Janis: and what Jimmy: and nowt's gonna work if you don't leave it out Janis: that's literally what I've said Jimmy: fuck's sake Janis: how are you gonna have a go at me? Janis: you could've just shut the fuck up and it'd be fine Jimmy: how would it? Jimmy: you're sitting there 😒😤😭💔🎻 over some bollocks you reckon I said and you weren't gonna say owt Janis: don't take the piss Jimmy: or what? Jimmy: that's what you've been doing all day, mate Janis: fuck off have I, I've been helping you out Jimmy: suffering in silence 'cause I'm such a bastard, more like Jimmy: have a 🏆 Janis: you're the one being dramatic, I didn't say that Janis: I just didn't appreciate what you did, that's it Jimmy: you spent ages with me after I apparently called you a massive slag, what else do you call that? Janis: I was already on my way Janis: what am I gonna do, actually turn the bus around, no Jimmy: not be a doormat Jimmy: there's your mistake if you're looking for one, Jodie Janis: fuck you Jimmy: this is me being a prick since you need a hand working out the difference Janis: stop talking to me Jimmy: stop putting words in my mouth Janis: I didn't Jimmy: I don't think you're easy Janis: right Jimmy: Why would I? Jimmy: don't flatter yourself, alright, my benchmark for that is set at fucking half the north Jimmy: and even then, you'd have to really be dating me to get me to give a shit about it Janis: I didn't ask you to give a shit, nor do I want you to Janis: and it's hardly flattering but doormat is worse so yeah Janis: go away now Jimmy: 👌 Janis: I hope your brother doesn't totally hate it Jimmy: don't bother wasting your christmas wish Janis: well, he'll be fine, there are worse things than stage fright Jimmy: don't waste the reassurance on me either Janis: Jesus, whatever then Jimmy: there's nowt worse than having no parents about when every other dickhead does Janis: Yeah Janis: he won't be the only one Janis: and at least someone is there at all Jimmy: tah for that Janis: it's the truth Jimmy: most helpful you've been, pointing that out Janis: well what Janis: what else would you want me to say Janis: it's shit Jimmy: I didn't ask for you to say owt about it Janis: so you brought it up to what Janis: get a 👍 or 👎 Jimmy: you brought it up Jimmy: reckoning you know what's our kid's problem how you reckon you know what I think Janis: no, I was going Janis: I was literally just saying hope he doesn't have a terrible time Janis: don't have a go at me 'cos your dad ain't going Jimmy: leave it out Jimmy: I'm having a go at you 'cause you're doing my head in Janis: then I'll be going Janis: we don't need to talk to each other Janis: right now or barely at all Jimmy: 👍 Janis: when we need to do more fake shit, then we'll do it Jimmy: alright Jimmy: you know where I live Janis: Yep Janis: later Jimmy: [not gonna reply cos have a nativity to get ready for] Janis: [ah soz for the mess that has been made everyone, gutted we will not see the sheep costume in action] Jimmy: [how dare you arseholes ruin my festive fluff] Janis: [my boo is fuming, at least we can force you together easily enough after, and you did help with the costume] Jimmy: [we've ticked that and jumpers off the list, well done us]

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