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edenesth · 7 months ago

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TWTHH Spinoff: Little Touch of Heaven [2]

Pairing: physician!Yunho x herbalist!reader

AU: historical au (Joseon era)

Word Count: 8.1k

Summary: Dedicating his life to his work, Yunho had never bothered to entertain the idea of settling down. Despite encountering many charming women throughout his career, none had sparked his desire for companionship. But everything shifted when he met a certain herbalist whose medicinal knowledge seemed to surpass even his own. What began as mere intrigue might have gradually developed into affection.

Part 1 | Main Story | Spinoff Masterlist

"Yep, you definitely have a crush on her," Jongho's voice startled the physician as he appeared soundlessly by the entrance of the House of Lotus just as Yunho finished recounting what happened to the general. His wife listened patiently beside him, her smile knowing.

"What—hey! Have you been eavesdropping this entire time? That's rude. This is a private and confidential conversation between the couple and myself," the doctor stammered, feeling embarrassed beyond belief. He couldn't believe he had been foolish enough to think this could actually stay between him and Lady Park. At this point, the whole estate was going to find out.

"You seem oddly defensive, Physician Jung. That just further proves you are flustered and that you do indeed like Miss Ryu. Besides, I don't see anything private and confidential about that story. Sounds more like your desperate attempt to save face," the assistant retorted in his usual clever tone as he entered the room, having received a nod of approval from his master.

Yunho let out a defeated sigh, realising that while he might stand a chance at winning an argument with Hongjoong, the same couldn't be said for Jongho. The assistant could be merciless and would stop at nothing to have the last word. Glaring at the younger man, he muttered, "Yes, yes. Just you wait until your turn comes. I'd like to see how cool you are when you meet the girl of your dreams."

"Don't worry, that'll never happen," Jongho answered, his tone smug.

With a shake of his head, Seonghwa straightened up, "He's right, Yunho. Even the blind can tell you have a crush. But what is it, Jongho? Did something come up?"

The assistant nodded, "Yes, Royal Secretary Choi is here with the latest reports and minutes of the past week's assemblies. He's waiting for you in the study, unless you'd like me to bring him here too."

Choking on his tea, the doctor stared up at him, bewildered, "And why the hell would you do that? It's enough that you two already know about this, now you want the royal secretary to hear about it too?"

At that, the general and his wife burst into giggles. Finally satisfied and deciding not to tease the poor guy any further, Seonghwa pushed himself off his seat, "Have a little mercy on him, gosh," he said, turning to his wife and pressing a kiss onto her head, "You ladies continue. I'll see you later, my love."

"This is how you repay me for treating your wife," Yunho grumbled.

Pausing at the entrance of the room, the general softened and turned around, "You know, it's nice to see this side of you. This Miss Ryu must be pretty amazing to make you like this, I approve of her already. Make sure you invite us to the wedding," he said before leaving with Jongho.

"W-wedding? I don't even think she likes me at all. If anything, she probably hates me after what happened," the physician sighed.

Lady Park smiled reassuringly, a hand stroking her baby bump as she spoke, "I disagree. She did agree to teach you about herbs, tried to save you from your fall, and was even kind enough to bring you a change of clothes when she could have left you be."

"So, you think she likes me back?" His eyes brightened with hope.

She considered her words carefully before responding, "Hmm, not necessarily."

His disappointment was palpable as he slumped slightly, "My lady, please don't confuse me further."

With a gentle chuckle, the mistress clarified, "What I mean is that she probably does not hate you at all. Sure, you were a little clumsy around her, but that's not nearly enough to make her hate you. There's a chance she might grow to like you back. Don't be too dejected, Yunho; there's still hope."

God, I sure hope so.

Meanwhile, your parents hadn't stopped talking about the physician since that day. Your father eagerly handed over one of his many spare outfits kept at the store for emergencies, finally putting it to good use after Yunho's fall left his clothes soaked. You recalled trying your hardest to keep a straight face as the tall man emerged in your father's hanbok, which was slightly too short for him, ending above his ankles and making him look rather ridiculous.

"Right, well, I still have much left to do today. I don't think I'll be able to finish in time if I have to teach you. Perhaps you should come back another day, Physician Jung."

That wasn't a lie.

It wasn't that you were angry with him or anything; you could tell he was remorseful with his endless apologies. You could imagine the embarrassment he was feeling, and you didn't really blame him, but you genuinely wanted to finish up with your Sophora root harvesting, which you had obviously failed to even begin thanks to him. So you would really appreciate it if he could come back some other time for his session.

"Of course, Miss Ryu. Again, I'm so sorry—"

You lifted a hand to stop him with a shake of your head, "It's fine. Now if you'll excuse me, I really have no time to talk."

It had been a few days since then.

According to your father, Yunho had left somewhat dejectedly after purchasing a good amount of those Chinese herbs you'd recommended for Lady Park. You supposed that meant they were effective, and you were just glad you had been able to help.

"Sunshine, you must have been too blunt. You'll scare him away like that, and you shouldn't because he's such a good guy. For all we know, this could be the start of something great," your mother said as she handed you a bowl of congee for breakfast.

You rolled your eyes in response, "Oh my god, mother. You've been saying that for the past few days. I heard you the first time."

Just as you were about to start eating, she smacked you on the arm, scolding, "Then why won't you reflect on yourself and change? You really want to give me high blood pressure, don't you?"

"Ow!" you rubbed your arm, pouting at her, "What do you want me to do? It's not my fault he hasn't shown up yet. Besides, if that was all it took to scare him away, then maybe he's not the one," you said before making a face when you realised what you'd just said, "More importantly, nothing is going on between us. He's only coming to learn more about herbs and improve as a medical practitioner. Seems to me like you and father are making a fuss out of nothing."

Your father sighed as he took a seat across from you, "Listen, sunshine. I can tell he likes you. It was evident in his behaviour that day. He's usually so composed, but he seemed genuinely flustered."

After hastily finishing the congee, you chuckled and set your bowl down, "Come on, father. You've only ever been in one relationship. Since when are you an expert in this department?" you teased before growing serious and wiping your mouth clean.

"And for the last time, my dearest father and mother, the two people I love most in the world, can you please respect my wishes? I won't be able to continue seeing Physician Jung if you keep making things weird like this. I've made my stance on marriage very clear. I'm not interested, and I still am not. I've finally found a friend who shares my passion for herbs, and I want to keep things that way. Please don't make me regret it."

As you spoke those honest words, a stunned silence filled the room. Your parents exchanged glances, their expressions shifting from surprise to realisation. They had always admired your patience, your selflessness, and your unwavering dedication to your family. But in their pursuit of what they thought was best for you, they had overlooked your desires and feelings.

Your father's eyes softened, and he reached out to gently squeeze your hand, "Sunshine, we never meant to make you feel uncomfortable or pressured. We only wanted what we thought was best for you, but we see now that we may have been misguided."

Your mother nodded, her voice trembling with emotion, "You've always been so selfless. We should have listened to your wishes instead of imposing our own desires onto you. We're truly sorry."

Seeing the genuine remorse in their eyes, your heart softened. While you understood their actions were driven by good intentions, they may not have realised that their approach inadvertently caused you more distress than anything. You were just relieved they were willing to listen to you and acknowledge their mistake.

"It's okay, father, mother," you said softly, giving their hands a reassuring squeeze, "I know you only want what's best for me. Let's learn from this and move forward together."

"Here goes nothing," Yunho muttered under his breath as the apothecary came into view. This would be his first appearance since the embarrassing last impression he had left, and he was determined to salvage it. Holding his breath, he stepped into the store, expecting to see Mr. Ryu alone at his counter as usual. However, he was surprised to find you dressed more formally than usual, appearing to be preparing to go somewhere.

Upon hearing his entrance, you turned to face him with a raised brow, "Oh, you're here. I'm sorry, but I won't be able to teach you today. Our foreign medicine supplier has arrived, and I have to go to the ship dock to collect our latest batch of orders."

The physician felt like he could finally breathe again, relieved by your casual reaction to his presence. Perhaps Lady Park was right; you weren't angry with him nor did you hate him. Smiling, he reassured you, "Oh, it's alright. I understand. I can come back another day. Are you going with Mr. Ryu then? Will the shop be closing?"

You shook your head, "Oh no, not at all. It's just me. My father remains here, and business will go on as usual. He's at the back of the store; he'll be here soon if you wish to speak with him."

She's going alone? To the dock?

"I... uh, I'm just wondering, is it really safe for you to go alone? Places like that are often crowded with men. And how will you manage to carry all those supplies by yourself?" he asked, his worry evident.

With a smirk, you replied, "Are you underestimating me, Physician Jung? Do you truly believe it's my first time handling this? I appreciate your concern, but I assure you, I'll manage just fine."

Right on cue, your father emerged from the back of the store, "Ah, you've come, Physician Jung! Are you here for another session with my daughter? She may have already mentioned her plans for today, but perhaps you could accompany her."

Before Yunho could respond, you firmly shook your head, "There's no need for that, father. I'm certain he's a very busy man and probably has better things to do than accompany me to the dock."

The physician quickly interjected, "No, I don't. That's why I'm here today. I don't mind going with you. It could be a valuable experience, and I might learn something from it too," he reasoned.

You sighed, not oblivious to the knowing grin your father was sending the taller man. With a roll of your eyes, you motioned for him to follow, "Suit yourself. Come along then, there's no time to waste."

As the two of you set out towards the ship dock in town, his tall frame loomed beside you, serving the fantastic purpose of shielding you from the glaring sun. Breaking the silence, you ventured, "So, I'm assuming the Codonopsis roots and Colla Corii Asini were effective in helping Lady Park feel better? Since you got more on your last visit."

He beamed, nodding in agreement, "Oh, yes! They really were. I was planning to tell you about it on my last visit, but, well, you know..." He trailed off, trying to move past the incident before continuing, "But yes, they did wonders. Her morning sickness and fatigue improved immensely soon after taking only the first batch. If we continue to administer this, she should be able to get through the first three months with ease. And I... I couldn't have done it without you. Thank you so much, Miss Ryu."

You smiled, feeling a warmth spread in your heart at the knowledge that your expertise had been put to good use, that you had been of help. Moments like these made you feel as though all the hard work you had put into studying had paid off; the sense of accomplishment was truly remarkable. With a nonchalant shrug, you responded earnestly, "Just doing my job."

Becoming increasingly intrigued by the conversation about medicine, he eagerly delved further, "I've been pondering it, and I'm still astounded by your depth of knowledge, even in foreign herbs. Frankly, I believe you surpass some senior experts in the field. It may be impertinent of me to ask, but... what's your secret?"

With a soft laugh, you shook your head, "Sometimes, there are aspects that textbooks and conventional lessons fail to impart. That's why hands-on experience is crucial. There's no secret to my knowledge; I simply allow my curiosity to guide me and take the initiative to delve deeper beyond the fundamentals. You'll see firsthand in just a moment. Perhaps it's good you came."

Just when he thought his admiration for you had reached its peak, you consistently proved him wrong. Beyond your shared passion for medicinal knowledge, there was an intangible quality that distinguished you from other women he had met. You exuded confidence in yourself, not in a brash manner, nor did you conform to the typical feminine archetype attempting to win his favour. Instead, you were authentically yourself. Every action you took reflected your unique personality, which he found irresistibly appealing.

Where have you been all this while?

He couldn't fathom that you had been so close yet remained unknown to him for all these years. As a devoted patron of your father's apothecary, he had frequented the establishment without ever realising that you were nearby, just behind the store's walls. He couldn't be more grateful to fate for allowing him to finally cross paths with you.

"Woah, watch your step!" Your warning snapped him out of his thoughts as you pulled him close, narrowly avoiding a hole in the uneven road. You slapped him on the arm and said, "Please pay attention to where you're going. The roads here won't be as well-paved as the ones in the city, since we're now on the outskirts. Come on and stay close; we're almost there."

With a chuckle, he rubbed his arm and playfully saluted, "Yes, ma'am." He couldn't believe you had slapped him so casually; no one had ever done that. His heart fluttered at the interaction, realising that's what he liked so much about you. Since day one, you have been unpretentious. Around you, he felt comfortable enough to be himself again. There was no need to uphold the image of the perfect physician everyone knew him to be. He could be silly, clumsy, a mess, and you'd never make him feel bad about it.

As you arrived at the ship dock, Yunho's sense of wonder was palpable. The place bustled with activity, just as he had anticipated, mostly with men who appeared to be merchants conducting exchanges or, like yourself, collecting orders directly from suppliers. He made sure to stay close to you, feeling reassured when you took hold of his wrist to guide him through the crowd towards your destination.

"First time here?" you smirked, noting his slightly overwhelmed expression, to which he nodded hesitantly, "Y-yes."

You snickered, "Figures. Just stick with me, and you'll be fine."

He nervously bit his lip, "Yeah, I'm not going anywhere without you. Don't worry."

"See that ship right at the end?" you asked, pointing towards one of the largest vessels in the area as you both approached it. He nodded in acknowledgement.

"That's our supplier, kind of a family business," you explained, "The Guo family from China has been in this trade for years. They're known to grow their own herbs and supply them all over the region."

You smirked as the familiar face of Madam Guo came into view, "And there's the lady boss who handles customers while the boss checks the stocks. Don't worry, she's actually the owner's wife, so you won't embarrass yourself like you did before again," you teased, playfully reminding him of his previous mistake, which flustered him.

"Oh my god, it was one mistake—"

A new voice chimed in as you both reached the ship, "Ah, my dearest Miss Ryu!" The woman exclaimed with a thick Chinese accent as she stepped forward to embrace you. You chuckled, returning the hug, "It's lovely to see you again, Madam Guo."

"And who might this handsome young man be? Finally got yourself a chaperone, I see," Madam Guo asked, her playful tone evident as she wiggled her brows.

You scoffed in disbelief, "Him, a chaperone? More like the other way around. But anyway, he's a friend, or perhaps an apprentice, whichever works. He's a physician here to learn more about herbs."

Did she just call me her friend...?

"Y-yes, it's a pleasure to make your acquaintance, Madam Guo. My name is Jung Yunho, and I'm a physician just as Miss Ryu said," he greeted, bowing respectfully, doing everything to remain composed and hide the fact that he was dying on the inside.

The middle-aged woman grinned knowingly, "Nice to meet you too, Physician Jung. But is that really all you are? What a shame, you two would make a cute couple."

While he sputtered like a fool, you snorted and gestured for her to focus, "Please, let's get down to business."

"Of course, sweetie. Follow me," she said, throwing a teasing wink at Yunho before wrapping an arm around you and leading you towards the bags of supplies lined up in front of the ship, "So, how are your parents doing, Miss Ryu?" As you engaged with the woman, the doctor couldn't shake her words from his mind. 'A cute couple' — he liked that idea more than he cared to admit. If only it could come true, he wouldn't mind being mistaken for a couple with you.

The bond between you and Yunho strengthened significantly after your eventful joint excursion to the ship dock. He proved to be quite helpful, offering to carry the supplies you had collected.

However, it was an incident during your return to the apothecary that truly changed your perception of him. As you passed by an injured man involved in a carriage accident, his demeanour shifted instantly. With remarkable professionalism, he attended to the wounded man, showcasing his expertise and skill. It was a side of him you hadn't seen before, and in that moment, you couldn't help but feel a newfound admiration for him.

For the first time, he embodied the charismatic and excellent Physician Jung who was widely praised by the townspeople. You finally understood why he had earned such acclaim for his expertise.

While you had grown confident enough to consider him a good friend, the doctor, on the other hand, was grappling with his feelings for you. After each session, he would return to the general's estate seeking advice from the mistress on the best approach to pursue you without being too forward. Despite his desire to openly court you, he wanted to ensure that your feelings were mutual before making any moves, fearing he might scare you away.

Following Lady Park's suggestion, he opted for a more gradual approach, using the opportunity to learn about herbs as a means to get to know you better, and vice versa. By taking things slowly, he hoped to foster mutual feelings between you.

As he prepared to enjoy his lunch break at his clinic, he couldn't help but smile at the thought of spending the evening with you. Tonight's session held particular significance as you would be teaching him how to harvest specific nighttime herbs for optimal quality. It promised to be a new and exciting experience, and he was just happy about the opportunity to share it with you.

"What's got you smiling like a creep?"

Just like that, the sound of an annoyingly familiar voice sliced through the doctor's pleasant mood like a knife, abruptly snapping him out of his reverie. His smile vanished as soon as he locked eyes with the dressmaker. With an exasperated sigh and a roll of his eyes, he responded, "What do you want, Kim Hongjoong?"

Yunho held his breath momentarily, his mind racing with anxious thoughts. What if Seonghwa had betrayed him and told his friend everything about Miss Ryu? What if Hongjoong was here to tease him after finding out? Oh god, his life would be over—

But to his surprise, the older man's expression was one of genuine distress as he took a seat across from the physician, "Look, ugh... I never thought I'd say this, but I need your help. Can you lend me an ear? I'm... well, I'm in a bit of a situation."

What started as a brief lunchtime conversation stretched into half a day, with the dressmaker pouring out his heart about his latest client, the enigmatic Miss Baek, whom he clearly harboured feelings for. By the end of their exchange, though a bit flustered that Hongjoong had caught wind of his recent visits to Ryu's Apothecary and your presence there, he was simply relieved to have managed to extricate himself from the conversation in time to close up shop. But one thing was certain; any fleeting relief Yunho felt at the general's discretion evaporated instantly.

Of course, Seonghwa told him everything.

Relieved to see the dressmaker finally departing from his clinic, the physician wasted no time in packing up his belongings and closing the shop. If only Hongjoong hadn't taken up so much of his time with his endless chatter, Yunho would have already been on his way to the apothecary. He cursed the talkative man for being so long-winded; he had worked hard to gain your trust, and he didn't want to jeopardise it again due to tardiness.

"Ugh, I hope that Miss Baek continues to give him a hard time. If I end up late because of him, he's going to pay," the doctor grumbled to himself as he hurried out of his clinic and towards your store. While part of him knew you wouldn't mind him being slightly late, he didn't want you to be okay with it. He wanted to be a man of his word, to be someone you could trust.

Arriving promptly, Yunho found Mr. Ryu in the midst of closing up. The elderly man's face lit up at the sight of the taller man, "Ah, Physician Jung, right on time! She's in the back, as usual, waiting for you. Now, it'll be late by the time you two finish up. I'm trusting you to escort her home after your session, is that alright?"

Yunho straightened up and bowed respectfully, "Of course, Mr. Ryu! Don't worry, I'll ensure she gets home safely."

"Very well then, I'm leaving her in your hands," the apothecary said with a teasing wink, "You've got this."

Feeling a flush of warmth in his cheeks, Yunho waved your father goodbye, understanding the elderly man's implication. It wasn't a secret that your parents wished for you to settle down, and they had made it clear on more than one occasion that the doctor had their approval. The only remaining factor was you and your feelings.

"Oh hey, there you are," you greeted warmly from your usual spot amidst the plantation, a natural smile gracing your features as you met his gaze. It was a smile that stirred something in his heart, though he kept that to himself, "Before you come over, could you please grab me a pair of harvesting scissors and the herb stripper?"

"Yes, ma'am," he replied with a salute, already accustomed to your directives. By now, he was familiar with most of the tools on your rack. Over the past few sessions, he had made an effort to acquaint himself with the intricacies of your work, determined to be helpful even as he continued to learn. Besides, he wanted you to know that you could rely on him, and that he could shoulder some of your burdens. He wanted you to see him the way he saw you.

"Thank you," you murmured, taking the tools from him and feeling him settle beside you. Your hands immediately got to work, launching into an automatic lecture tone as your focus zeroed in on the four moon garden herbs you would be harvesting tonight: the White Coneflower, the Lavender, the Culinary Sage, and the Silver Queen.

"Beautiful," he whispered, his gaze fixed on your side profile illuminated by the moonlight and the surrounding lamps instead of the herbs. It was the first time he had seen you in this soft, dim light, and you looked truly ethereal, the atmosphere lending an intimate and romantic feel to the moment.

Oblivious to his stare, you smiled in response, "They are exquisite, aren't they? Sometimes it pains me to have to harvest them. But they serve a greater purpose than just sitting here and looking pretty."

"Well, I believe that's what adds to their beauty, wouldn't you agree? The fact that they serve a purpose beyond mere aesthetics," he remarked, subtly hinting at his admiration for your depth and substance. To him, you were more than just a pretty face, and he found that incredibly appealing.

Noticing a stray strand of hair framing your face, he instinctively reached out to tuck it behind your ear. You tensed at his touch, turning to meet his gaze, and in that moment, he realised what he had just done. Clearing his throat nervously, he stammered, "I-I was just trying to help. It looked like it was bothering you."

You nodded, trying to mask the fluttering sensation in your chest at his gesture. He was probably just being polite, you reasoned with yourself, but you couldn't deny the allure of his presence in the soft glow of the moonlight. Quickly refocusing on your task, you blinked and responded, "Oh, umm... thank you. I appreciate it."

The tension in the air was palpable as you finished the remainder of tonight's session, the atmosphere heavy with unspoken words and newfound awareness. It was as if a shift had occurred, leaving you both acutely conscious of each other's presence in a way that hadn't been there before.

As you locked up the apothecary for the night, the physician turned to you with a casual invitation, "Would you like to grab something to eat before heading home?" You paused, considering the offer. Your parents were likely done with dinner by now, so joining him wouldn't be a bad idea. With a nod, you replied, "Sure, let's go."

Despite his calm demeanour, a sense of anticipation fluttered in his chest as you walked side by side, his mind buzzing with excitement, "Come on, I know a stall that sells amazing black bean noodles," he suggested, leading the way with a smile.

Moments later, you were both seated at the stall, eagerly devouring the delicious noodles. With wide eyes, you exclaimed, "Oh my gosh, you weren't lying. This really is amazing." He chuckled at your enthusiasm before reaching over to wipe a stray noodle from the corner of your lips with his thumb, "You eat like a child, you know that?" he teased gently.

Your heart skipped a beat at his touch, and you couldn't help but feel a warmth spreading through you at his words. Despite your unladylike eating habits, he didn't seem to mind. At that moment, you found yourself imagining what it would be like to be with someone like him, and surprisingly, it didn't seem so bad at all. In fact, it felt quite nice to imagine being by his side — Jung Yunho.

Just when the physician felt confident about the progress between the two of you, just as he was considering broaching the topic of a potential courtship, an unexpected turn of events threw everything off course. An argument erupted during one of your recent sessions, escalating into a silent standoff that led to his prolonged absence.

It all began innocently enough, during one of your routine sessions. Feeling more at ease around you, he summoned the courage to ask, "I was wondering... do you know of any herbs that could heal or remove scars permanently?" Your response was a curious look, prompting him to elaborate, "I've been searching for solutions to fully eliminate Lady Park's scars for a while now, but to no avail. I've sought advice from others, but no one seems to have a solution. Given your extensive knowledge, I thought you might be aware of any foreign herbs that could help."

After pondering for a moment, you nodded slowly, "Actually, yes. There's a herb called the Gotu Kola. It's renowned for treating various conditions, particularly wounds and skin issues. There have been rare cases of it being used to heal scars." His hope surged until you added, "But... it's native to India and Indonesia, and there haven't been any imports of this herb so far."

"Oh... I see," he sighed dejectedly, his shoulders slumping.

Disheartened by his disappointment when he left your father's apothecary, you became determined to find a solution. After diligent inquiries among experts, you finally unearthed a crucial piece of information: the herb was indeed present in Joseon, though in limited quantities and not widely known.

"Really? The herb is here in Joseon? Where?" Yunho's spirits lifted upon hearing your update. However, all hope plummeted when you disclosed its location, "Apparently, an Indian traveller planted some on specific parts of the Naksan mountain some years ago. It thrives in the well-drained soil, moist position, and full sun exposure."

"The Naksan mountain...? Then it's practically inaccessible," he murmured, his earlier enthusiasm extinguished once more. You furrowed your brow, "What do you mean? Of course, it's possible. We could embark on a journey to find it ourselves. Where there's a will, there's a way."

He massaged his temples, "Do you have any idea how perilous trekking a mountain can be? We're not seasoned adventurers. We might not even survive the trek to the plant, let alone make it back in one piece. If it were so simple, don't you think someone would have already ventured there to harvest it and capitalise on it? There must be a reason it's not readily available here, don't you think?"

"Forget it, just... forget I asked," he implored.

But you persisted, adamant in your determination. You went out of your way to conduct thorough research, pinpoint the exact location of the herb and gather information on all the necessary essentials for the journey. Excitedly, you broached the topic once more, only to be met with a less-than-favourable response. Yunho sighed, squeezing his eyes shut, "Please, Miss Ryu, let's just drop it."

Frustrated by his reluctance, you erupted, "If you're a coward, just admit it. You sought a solution, and I've offered one. How can you give up so easily without even trying?"

"A coward...? Is fear the only thing you hear from me after everything I've said?" he retorted incredulously.

"Well, is it not?!" you challenged.

He scoffed, "Please, don't be stupid. You're not thinking clearly, and I don't see the point in arguing further. I've made my decision. We're not doing this, and that's final. It's just not feasible."

And since then, there had been no sight or sound of him. According to your father, he would drop by only for medication, never staying to see you. It had been a week since then, and if he thought his silent treatment would deter you, he was sorely mistaken. It only fueled your determination.

I'll prove you wrong, Jung Yunho.

Using the week to make all necessary preparations, you informed your parents that you would be venturing out to gather herbs. It was technically true, though you omitted certain details to avoid a lecture. You understood that they would worry, believing it to be dangerous, especially if you were going alone. However, you had always been independent, confident in your ability to handle things on your own.

You couldn't wait to see the look on the doctor's face as you presented him with the herb, the look on his face as you called him a coward, and even more so, the look on his face when he realised just how wrong he had been and how right you were.

As you began your journey, optimism fueled your steps. Everything unfolded smoothly, just as you had envisioned. With a trusty map in hand, you followed the right path, guided by determination. Kind passersby, fellow travellers or herb pickers like yourself, helped point you in the right direction when needed. All seemed well until the distant rumble of thunder and flashes of lightning pierced the air, causing your stomach to sink. But refusing to let it deter you, you pressed on toward your destination.

Goddamnit, not now please!

In your haste, you brushed against branches, tearing your hanbok fabric and leaving tiny cuts on your skin. At times like this, you couldn't help but think about the physician. Perhaps you missed having that gentle giant by your side. Pushing aside such thoughts, you focused on the task at hand. Despite the drizzle, you persevered and were determined to reach your goal.

Nearing the spot marked on the map, you muttered to yourself, "Come on, it should be around here somewhere." Scanning the surroundings for the distinct plant with fan-shaped green leaves and delicate flowers. But as the sky darkened and the rain intensified, it became increasingly difficult to see. Frustration bubbled up as you searched, muttering curses under your breath.

"Shit, shit, shit, where is it?"

In a moment of distraction, you failed to notice a sizable rock in your path, resulting in a twisted ankle and a painful fall. With a cry, you landed on the ground, scratching your palms as you shield your face. As you struggled to rise, the realisation of your predicament set in. Your ankle throbbed, swelling with each passing moment.

Oh god, how am I going to get out of here?

Desperate and defeated, you leaned against a rock, tears streaming down your face. Regret washed over you as you cursed your decision to go on this journey alone. Maybe Yunho had been right; perhaps you should have listened to him. Now, stranded and injured, you felt foolish and vulnerable. But as you looked around for something that could help you walk, a glimmer of hope emerged as you spotted a patch of what appeared to be Gotu Kola.

With trembling hands, you retrieved the rough sketch you had brought along, confirming your discovery with wide-eyed astonishment, "Oh my god, I finally found you," you whispered, a surge of determination rising within you once more.

Meanwhile, Yunho entered the apothecary with a heavy heart, closing his umbrella as he stepped into the shop to collect his usual batch of medicine for Lady Park. His concern deepened when he saw your father pacing anxiously, "Is everything alright, Mr. Ryu?" he inquired, furrowing his brows.

The elderly man looked up, relief flooding his features at the doctor's presence, "Oh, Physician Jung! Look, I'm not sure what's going on between you and my daughter, but please, you have to help find her!" he pleaded, his voice trembling with worry.

Yunho's heart squeezed uncomfortably at the urgency in the apothecary's voice, "Wh-what? What do you mean? Where did she go?" he asked, his own anxiety mounting.

Your father began to ramble, explaining that you had mentioned going out to pick herbs earlier in the day but hadn't specified a location, "She's been gone for more than half a day now, and it's raining heavily. I'm worried sick about her. What if something's happened?" he fretted.

The doctor's breath caught in his throat at the revelation. He could hazard a guess as to where you might have gone, but he needed confirmation, "I... I might have a clue where she went, but I need to check. Can I please see her work desk?" he requested urgently.

"Yes, of course. Anything to help you find her," Mr. Ryu agreed with a nod, desperation evident in his eyes.

Approaching your desk, Yunho wasted no time searching through your notes, where you meticulously recorded every discovery. His heart skipped a beat when he reached the final page, where a rough sketch of Naksan mountain with a red X marked a specific area, accompanied by the words 'Gotu Kola' scrawled above it.

Oh my god, I cannot believe this woman.

Shocked and alarmed, the physician knew he had to find you, and fast. The thought of anything happening to you filled him with dread. He couldn't bear the idea of something befalling you, especially since your actions were spurred by his own request. If only he hadn't broached the topic of finding a remedy for scars. If only he hadn't spoken to you so harshly. He couldn't shake the feeling that this was all his fault.

"I'll find her, Mr. Ryu. I promise, I'll make this right," he assured your father before setting out, clutching your notebook in his hands and carrying a bag of essentials the elderly man had helped pack. Braving the harsh wind and rain, he made his way toward you.

In the meantime, you huddled under the protective canopy of a tree, knees drawn close to your chest, feeling utterly helpless. Despite succeeding in gathering as much Gotu Kola as possible, you were still stranded atop the mountain. The rain showed no signs of relenting, and your sprained ankle made descent impossible. As you sat there, feeling the cold seep into your bones, you could only pray that someone would pass by and notice you in your predicament.

As time dragged on, your hopes of being discovered began to wane. Despite the rain lightening, the darkening evening sky brought a fresh wave of anxiety, your heart pounding in your chest. No one was going to find you now. Would you even survive the night on the mountain? You shivered uncontrollably in your wet clothes, your untreated ankle throbbing with pain, and wounds scattered across your body. It seemed unlikely you would make it.

Damn, I wish that idiot was here...

Oddly, amidst the despair, your thoughts turned to the physician. If only he were here with you, perhaps the situation wouldn't feel so distressful. With hooded eyes, you stared blankly ahead, silently wishing for him to miraculously appear before you.

You furrowed your brows as a figure approached, the sound of your name echoing through the rain-soaked air. The voice was unmistakable, and you snorted in disbelief. Could it really be Jung Yunho? But as he knelt before you, his hands gripping your shoulders, his concern felt all too real.

"Are you okay?" he asked, his voice urgent.

You blinked several times, reaching out tentatively to touch his cheek. To your astonishment, he was solid, undeniably present. Tears welled up in your eyes as you broke into sobs, throwing your arms around his neck and holding him close, "Oh my god, I can't believe you're actually here," you whispered through your tears, "I guess you aren't such a coward after all."

He sighed in relief, returning your embrace and stroking your head gently, "No, I am. I am a coward because I was so afraid, so scared of... of losing you," he confessed, his voice strained with emotion. As he pulled back slightly to look at you, his expression was filled with worry, "Please don't ever scare me like that again. I told you it was dangerous. Look at you," he scolded gently.

"I can't believe you ventured all this way alone. I thought you were smarter than this, but I guess even smart people can be idiots sometimes." The doctor in him immediately began assessing all of your injuries, retrieving a bandage from his bag. With careful hands, he secured your sprained ankle to support it and prevent further swelling and bruising. Once he finished, he pulled out an extra layer of cloth from the bag your father had packed and wrapped you snugly in it, ensuring you stayed warm for the time being.

You scoffed, defiance flashing in your eyes despite the fluttering of your heart at his earlier words and his caring actions, "Say what you want, but I have no regrets because I found it..." you said, holding up the bag full of the Gotu Kola herb, "The only regret I have is not knowing it would rain. Otherwise, I would have made it just fine."

He was momentarily speechless before a small laugh escaped him as he shook his head, "As much as I love how determined you are, it frustrates me sometimes."

"You do? Love how determined I am...?" you echoed shyly, feeling a blush creeping onto your cheeks, or maybe it was a fever.

He smiled warmly, gently cupping your cheek, "I do. But as much as I'd love to confess my feelings to you right now, we really need to get out of here. We'll have plenty of time to talk when we're safe. Now, come on, hop on my back." Turning around and gesturing toward his back, he offered you a way out of the predicament and perhaps, into a new beginning... with him.

Somewhere along the way, you lost consciousness on Yunho's back. Trying to maintain composure, he carefully navigated the descent from the mountain. Fortunately, upon reaching the bottom, kind townspeople offered a ride back to your home on their cart. He held you close throughout, hoping to provide warmth with his body heat, knowing the fever was taking its toll.

He found it hard to believe he had actually climbed a mountain to rescue someone. Normally, such feats were beyond his capabilities. But the mere thought of you in danger propelled him forward. If only you knew the power you had over him, driving him to extraordinary lengths.

Upon arrival, your parents swiftly attended to you, guiding the physician to your room where he diligently treated your wounds. Drifting in and out of consciousness, you found solace in the familiar surroundings of your room as your mother changed your wet clothes. Spotting Yunho beside you once more, tending to your injuries, you caught his gaze. He smiled and leaned down to kiss your forehead, whispering, "It's okay, you're safe now. Rest, sweetheart."

And you did, your heart finally at ease.

The following days passed in a blur as he visited you daily to check on your recovery. Today was no different, and upon his arrival, you recognised the familiar scent of the tonic he brought. It was the standard blend of herbs used to revitalise patients with colds. As he attempted to feed you, you protested, "I can do it myself."

Yunho clicked his tongue, moving the spoon out of your reach, "Just be good and let me take care of you," he urged gently.

Your heart skipped a beat, and you relented, allowing him to feed you. Swallowing the bitter medicine with a wince, you remarked, "You've already been taking good care of me for the past few days. Don't you have a clinic to run, Physician Jung?"

He chuckled, wiping the corner of your lips with his thumb, "Are you worried about me?"

Blushing, you looked away while he continued, "Don't worry, I have a substitute physician for whenever I'm not around. Besides, how can I focus on work there if I'm busy worrying about you?"

Turning back to him, you bit your lip nervously, "So, about that confession you were talking about..."

With a grin, the physician set down the bowl on the table beside your bed before reaching for your hand, "I've been waiting for you to ask for some time now. It's probably no surprise, but I... I have feelings for you."

As you squeezed his hand, he continued, "I'm not sure when it all started, but perhaps I might have liked you since our first meeting. Despite usually being composed, seeing you just threw me off. Truthfully, I've never given the idea of settling down a thought. All my life, I've been married to my work. Sure, I've met countless women who tried to appeal to me, but I've never been swayed."

Gently intertwining your fingers, he added, "Just when I thought I never would, you came along and changed everything. Initially, I thought it might have been your extensive medicinal knowledge that intrigued me, but now I realise it's much more than that. I've been waiting to be sure you liked me back before making my move, but then..."

Tears welled up in his eyes as he confessed, "God, you have no idea how much I regret putting you in danger. I should have spoken to you instead of avoiding you. When I found out you were gone, I felt like my life was over... I wouldn't have forgiven myself if anything were to happen to you," his voice cracked with emotion.

"I'm here now, you saved me," you reassured, gently cupping his face and turning it towards you, tears clouding your own vision.

He sighed, leaning into your touch, "You are, and I need you to know that I care deeply about you. I want to be the one to protect you, to be the one you can rely on, and to be there for you. Most of all, I want... to be loved by you. Will you let me be the one?"

"If not you, then who else?" you teased.

The atmosphere instantly lifted, and your smile illuminated his mood. "You'll be my only one, Yunho," you whispered, closing your eyes as he leaned in to capture your lips with his. Pulling back slightly, he murmured against your lips, "And you'll be mine."

Your father jumped with excitement outside your room, while your mother's joyous tears flowed as she eavesdropped. Finally, their hopes and dreams were becoming reality. They had worried you wouldn't give Yunho a chance after declaring your disinterest in marriage. They were relieved to see you letting him in. With a smack on your father's arm, your mother scolded him, "Alright, now that's settled, get back to work." Despite the playful reprimand, your father left happily, a smile adorning his face.

As weeks passed and your routine continued, with sessions held every few days, the significant change was evident – the physician was now more than just a friend. Stepping into the apothecary, he greeted, "I'm here, Mr. Ryu!" The elderly man grinned, waving back, "You might as well call me father already, Yunho-yah," he joked.

He blushed, bowing before hurrying to the back to tell you what your father had said, "Sweetheart, you won't believe what your father just said to me..." he began, trailing off as he realised you weren't there.

"Sweetheart...? Where are you—"

His words were interrupted by a mischievous "Boo!" from behind, startling him. In his surprise, he yelped and stumbled over his own feet, falling backwards. You reached out to help, but he grabbed your arm, causing both of you to tumble down together. As you landed on him, laughter erupted, reminiscent of the first time it happened.

"You cheeky thing," he murmured, leaning in for a kiss. When you pulled back sooner than expected, he let out a small whine, "Wait, what did my father say to you?"

"I'll tell you if you kiss me again, pretty please," he teased, a smirk spreading across your face, "Only because you asked so nicely," you replied with a chuckle.

Just as you leaned in to kiss him again, your father's voice interrupted from the entrance, "Hey sunshine, is the latest batch of ginseng ready yet— oh. Gosh, don't mind me, kids!"

As the elderly man hastily left, you buried your face in the doctor's chest, feeling embarrassed by the interruption. It seemed this was something you'd both have to get used to - the occasional interruption in your private moments. Yet, when you looked up and saw Yunho grinning, you realised he didn't mind. Like you, he was simply happy to be part of your little family.

You once thought it impossible to find someone like your father—someone patient enough to love you despite your unladylike habits, borderline stubborn nature, and no-nonsense attitude, someone who could accept you and all your flaws wholeheartedly—only to realise he had been here all along.

You were right, mother; he's the one.

You won't believe how many times I went over this. I'm not entirely happy with it even though I've managed to put in everything I had in mind. Maybe I'm overthinking it, but I sincerely hope this was decent!

As always, thank you for reading and let me know your thoughts! <3

Tag list (1/9):

@itstheghostofmypast @huachengsbestie01 @minghaoslatina @weedforthoughtz @minkiflwr |

@cheolliehugs @the-kpop-simp @writingwieny @stayatinykatsy @skzline |

@green-agent @stayinhellevator @vampzity @tinyteezer @evidive |

@vantediary @superbbananananana @kimyeolchan @chocolate-scoups @decadentstrangernacho |

@vic0921 @marievllr-abg @sunnyhokyu @seungmin-in-thebuilding @heyitsmetonid |

@sansaurora9904 @darkestacademiamindsx12-blog @myblovedjyh @professormingisglasses @newworldwritings |

@chicken-fifi @thunderous-wolf @shythinggiver @madnpan @yandere-stories |

@anxiousskylar @frobin4ever @starssongs98 @dollce-exe @jan-l |

@lovelyred2 @haven-cove @watermelon2319 @dreamingofyeo @akimkim |

@scuzmunkie @satsuri3su @mismatchfluffysocks @borntoshineateez @st4rhwa |

@ddaeing @tropicalsstuff @bts-army380 @skteezcursed @beauty143 |

@naps-over-degree @idfkeddieishot @sis-101 @lemon-sage17 @jcalicocatj

#edenesth #the way to his heart #little touch of heaven #twthh spinoff #ateez #ateez fanfic #ateez fanfiction #jung yunho #jeong yunho #ateez yunho #historical au #joseon era #yunho x reader #yunho x you #ateez fic

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garciaasfluffypen · 15 days ago

Text

take care of me (like i take care of you) pt. 3

pairing: jemily x reader word count: 2.4k warnings: SURPRISE i finished part three and wanted to post it so i could get this cross posted to ao3 hehe. its time to talk(tm) about everything that happened! y/n's rejection sensitive dysphoria episode is a prominent aspect of this part. poor emily doesn't really know what to do except comfort her girlfriends, jj has some issues she's working through, y/n feels absolutely horrible about everything that conspired

after everything that had happened in the past two hours, you were drained. you barely made it to the bedroom before bursting out into tears. this was it. this was the big kablooey. jj hated you now, there was no doubt about it. considering the way she reacted when you had let the term slip past your lips… you never should have done it. you pushed too hard, and this was the end. you’d have to change your name and move to timbuktu so nobody could find you ever again and you’d never be able to embarrass yourself in front of jj and emily anymore. the harsh what did you just call me? reverberated through your mind as you let the sobs take over your body, practically doubling over with the sheer force of guilt. you couldn’t believe yourself. how could you let it get that bad? it hadn’t even been three months and you already fucked up. but that was just it, wasn’t it? the three month curse you were stuck with. nothing romantic ever lasted past three months. it was only time that this one ended, giving you a chance to reset and find something new. your exes were right, you were never good enough. you always did something wrong. it was bound to happen sooner rather than later, and you needed to expect the worst.

peeling off the clothes you had worn to the zoo, you blindly felt in what had been dubbed your drawer for your jammies. you had gotten the shirt from an online store and it was the perfect shirt for when you were having bad days or sensory overloads. and a bonus, it was long enough to cover your butt and go halfway down your thighs. you had gotten it big on purpose, and you were glad you did. once you felt the fabric, you pulled it on and stumbled back to the bed, grabbing a pillow and holding it close to your chest as you continued to try and calm yourself down. logically, you knew you were over reacting, but the fact you were tired mixed with the immense guilt you felt for making jj feel bad… everything piled up and you found yourself trying not to spiral more than you already had.

the door opened and a figure stood there for a second before coming over and pulling you into the biggest hug they could muster. after a second, the scent of emily flew through your senses and slowly but surely you started to calm down as you curled into her arms.

“oh, lovey…”

this was one of the downsides to how bad your adhd and rejection sensitive dysphoria was- when you cried, you cried hard. you had gotten good at bottling up your feelings into a little corner of your mind that barely got touched unless you had a whole weekend carved out to mope around. those weekends were far and few between these days, seeing as the budget increase the bau got gave them more opportunities to take cases. it wasn’t too bad, until this happened and you cried so hard you felt like you might throw up.

you curled into emily’s chest, barely registering the door opening. a red eyed jj stood in the doorframe, hands wringing together as she looked for you. jj looked worse for wear, emily noted. the last time she had seen jj like this was when they were at the fertility doctor earlier in the year, when they talked about the possibility of emily carrying a viable pregnancy. but that wasn’t anything they could talk about right now. the puffiness around her eyes was evident, tear marks showing where she had piled on concealer earlier that morning. she sniffled, gaining your attention. your head perked up and you felt your heart drop when you saw how upset jj was. wordlessly, you shifted on the bed to make room for jj, letting her crawl in, curling herself up between the gap you had created. she wrapped her arms around you, squeezing you tight as she could as a single tear fell down her face. you wiped it away with the pad of your thumb, shooting her a small smile.

“i’m sorry i reacted that way, baby.”

her words were muffled into the palm of your hand, her breath dancing across your skin as you put your cheek on top of your head. your logical thinking skills slowly started to poke through the barriers your rejection sensitive dysphoria always put up during these moments, the realization that it also upset jj hitting you like a ton of bricks. you hated seeing her so upset, especially when you knew you caused some of the upset. granted, everything was still so new and you all were getting used to the idea of the three of you being together, but it still hurt you more than you could ever put into words.

“no, it’s my fault.” you started. “i pushed you too hard. i should have asked before assuming i could just call you mommy and get away with it. do you…?” you trailed off, hoping that jj knew what you were trying to ask.

“i’m not sure how i feel about the use of mommy.” jj said, quieter than normal. “it didn’t make me feel… i didn’t like it.”

emily raised her eyebrow, slightly shocked that jj didn’t give you the full truth. while she knew what seemingly the true reason jj didn’t like being called mommy, she knew that it would be something she revealed to you in due time. hell, jj was still figuring it out herself. the dislike of the feminine terms was something that had started within the past year and a half. yes, jj was very feminine presenting and loved dressing up when given the opportunity, yet she had begun to start hating when she was perceived in a feminine matter. it was an interesting late life dilemma to have, and she wasn’t sure how to go about it. she had been so secure in her identity for years, and to start questioning everything? it had started to send jj into a spiral of thoughts she frankly wasn’t ready to think about yet.

the only other person who knew about her dilemma was tara. it had come out one night while the two were having wine after a long case and emily was stuck at the office filling out more paperwork than intended due to her having shot the unsub. the two of them were a bottle and a half deep into pinot gritiot, and jj had blurted out “do you ever just… not want to feel like a girl?” and now here they were, with emily being the second person to know that jj had started to despise the feminine terms of endearment she had been taught to love growing up. it scared her. but not as much as the thought of you thinking you lost her.

“emmy?” you looked to emily. “do you like being called mommy? because for some reason it felt very natural and i don’t know why.”

“we can toy around with it.” emily squeezed your hand. “thank you for asking.”

“i’m sorry i was super bratty earlier, too. i let it go too far.”

“i thought it was hot, actually,” jj started to blush. “i do think we need to play around with different dynamics and what we’re okay and not okay with. nothing has to be set in stone, but if i’m being honest… it was…”

“i liked it when you got all controlling.” you finished jj’s thought. “i really did.”

“would you want to play around with that more? me being more… in charge sometimes?”

you nodded. “i’d like that. because i like listening to emmy but…”

“it’s very easy for you to listen to me, i know.” emily smirked. “and it’s very endearing.”

“is that something you’re okay with?” you looked over to emily.

“if you’re comfortable with it, then yes.”

“color system applies to everything we try.” jj stated. “any time, you can tell us to stop and we will. or call yellow and we can talk it out. and it applies to you, too. if there’s anything that we don’t like, we’ll tell you.”

you nodded. “is there anything else that i’ve done? have i made either of you uncomfortable?”

emily couldn’t help but clock the nervous look in your eye, seeing the fidgeting start in her peripheral vision. it was sad for her, seeing you like this. she hated when you got sad. you felt certain emotions more than others, and when you did feel them they hit you like a ton of bricks. emily most likely would never know how that truly felt, but she could only imagine the thoughts flowing around in your mind that would make you feel less than. she couldn’t control herself, searching your eyes for any emotion other than guilt. it pained you knowing that you thought you were the reason the conversation was happening. she wanted to grab you by the shoulders and scream at you that it was not your fault and would most likely never be your fault, but she knew that would be counter productive. the three of you were all adults, you could talk about it like adults.

jj on the other hand, felt horrible. her reaction was the reason you felt as if you were the reason the problem persisted. guilt plagued her as she stared at you, her hand coming up to gently brush back some of the strands that had fallen from your braid. she knew her own insecurities were the reason everything was going the way it was, and the main reason the three of you were sat here in various stages of emotional distress, but it was something she knew taking the blame for would just make you feel worse. she didn’t fully understand how your brain always made you think that you were the problem, but it was something you had been fighting for years. even penelope couldn’t get it through your brain that nothing was ever your fault. and that was saying something, since you and penelope had been friends for ten years leading up to when you joined the bau. both emily and jj knew it would take a while to get past the walls you had put up, but they didn’t realize how tough it would be. but it was a fight they were going to get through together, no matter what it meant.

“nothing you’ve done could make us uncomfortable, y/n.” jj’s voice softened. “i know this is new, and it’s making you react in ways that you normally wouldn’t react, right?”

you nodded. “i’m trying to be better, promise. i guess i just want to be taken care of?” you questioned. “but i have a hard time accepting it. like… i just want someone to take care of me like i take care of you. i’m just… i’m getting used to it.”

“is that why you were pushing today?” jj looked at you. “because you wanted to feel taken care of?”

you sheepishly nodded. “a little bit. i liked it when you told me we were leaving and got all bossy.”

jj smiled. “i can do that more. do you want to have a certain phrase or word to let me know when you want it?”

“um… maybe like… a shoulder tap to start? i don’t want to say anything out loud, especially if it happens in front of the team.”

“how about three taps left shoulder?” you nodded, a small smile forming on your face. “and if there’s anything we do when we’re out that you don’t like?”

“i’m not sure of that one yet.” you swallowed. “i’m sorry we didn’t have this conversation earlier. we could have avoided this.”

“lovey, having these conversations is one of the things we need to do to ensure we’re all happy. we can’t necessarily schedule them.”

“i still feel guilty." you sniffled. “i made jj feel bad.”

“oh baby,” jj pulled you back closer to her as the guilt washed over you again. “i’m not mad at you at all. if anything, i over reacted to that. i promise you i’m not mad. i’m not mad at all.”

“you promise?”

“i promise.” jj placed a soft kiss to the tip of your nose. “i’m sorry i made you feel like you hurt me.”

“i’m sorry i didn’t ask you if i could call you mommy and made you upset.” you looked down at your hands, which were fidgeting with your shirt.

jj lifted your chin up with her finger. “hey hey, none of that now. no more feeling bad.”

you chuckled. “okay. i’ll try.”

“how about i draw us a bath?” emily smiled at the two of you. “with the epsom salt for your sore muscles?”

“that sounds really nice.” you smiled. “can we light the candle i like too?”

“vanilla swirl or the one that smells like disney?”

you pursed your lips, thinking. “the one that smells like disney.”

“i’ll go grab it.” emily placed a kiss to the top of your head. “you feeling better?”

“a little bit.” you nodded. “i’ll be better soon.”

“good.” she squeezed your hand. “i’ll go get everything and let you know when the bath is ready.”

emily slipped out of the bed and went to go get your candle, leaving you and jj sitting on the bed together. she placed her forehead against yours, her hand going to cup your cheek as you sat in the silence.

“i-”

“if you say i’m sorry i’m pushing you off this bed.”

you chuckled lightly. “i do feel bad.”

“and i’m telling you that you don’t have to. promise. every relationship is going to have it's issues. we’re just able to talk them out because we’re adults.”

“yeah, you’re right.” you put your head in the crook of jj’s shoulder. “thank you for not being mad.”

jj smiled. “thank you for listening and not freaking out when i told you i didn’t like it.”

“i mean i freaked out a little bit.”

“but not a lot.” jj chuckled. “you’re adorable.”

“you are too. like, a lot.”

you snuggled into jj’s arms, curling into her side. it made you feel a lot better knowing that she wasn’t super mad at you like you thought. while you still felt guilty for making her feel bad, it made you feel better knowing that jj didn’t think of you any differently.

and that she still deeply cared about you.

taglist: @jayden-prentiss @idkwhatever580 @multifandomlesbianic @softestqueeen

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hannie-dul-set · 1 year ago

Text

YOU’RE MY BUCKET LIST.

p — SHEN QUANRUI x fem! reader. g — humor, fluff, lovestruck! ricky trying his darnest to be cool. w — swearing, secondhand embarrassment what did you expect from me. 2.8k words.

note — rewriting the backstory of his leopard print shirt. my loser idolverse is expanding. no one is safe. who should i throw into the depths of patheticness next.

ricky doesn’t believe in bucket lists.

what need is there for a list of things he wants and wants to do before he dies when he can get and do everything he wants in an instant? if he wants to go bungee jumping, he can go to gangwon-do this afternoon. if he wants to date, he’s got a couple dozen numbers he can pick and choose to call. if he’s craving for authentic italian wine right out of the cellar, he can book a flight and visit all of europe with his phone as his only luggage.

he lacks nothing, and therefore he wants nothing. ricky doesn’t believe in bucket lists— he didn’t believe in bucket lists. at least not until that damned day of reckoning, when the nonexistence of his list suddenly came to existence, harboring one thing and one thing only.

there’s only one thing he’d like to tick off before he dies. one thing he wants as soon as possible. something that isn’t instantaneously achievable. something that unfamiliarly feels out of his grasp.

ricky, more than anything in the world, wants you to take him fucking seriously.

“you’re so pretty today.”

is what he says, the moment you enter the office. well, two moments after you enter the office because he had to take the first moment to admire how pretty you are before verbalizing it. he’s down horrendous, he knows— totally outside of the image he’s perfectly curated for the past six months since entering university. you’re the chair of his department’s council, a third year, and by some mystical force or another (read: being stupidly whipped) he volunteered to help prepare for a department event and managed to drag the rest of his friends into it.

said friends being gyuvin and gunwook, who are looking at him in judgment and disgust after completing his daily routine of complimenting your face.

“aw, how cute,” is your reply. ricky wracks his brain for another word for pretty, but you’re quick to move one and leave him in the dust. “thank you, ricky! you’re so sweet. anyway, matthew, how’s the—”

gyuvin snorts. “hey, at least she thinks you’re cute.” ricky throws him a punch but it falls weak from the mental damage.

cute. he hates it. he’s grown to hate it after it became the symbol of you thinking of him as nothing but your cute junior. are his daily compliments not enough of a giveaway that’s he’s lowkey fucking in love with you? what else do you want? a truckload of roses? a barbershop quartet illustrating through song how stupidly down bad ricky shen is for his unbothered senior?

knowing you, even if he gets on stage in front of the whole university and perform a three-act play of how he fell, head first with scraped knees, into the tunnel of torture that is you and your pretty smile, you’d probably just ruffle his hair and coo, “good job! you’re so talented, angel!” because he’s so cute, so lovely, so never going to be boyfriend-able in your eyes and it eats his despairing soul.

maybe if he rips his heart out of his chest and you see the gaping, you-shaped hole it’ll leave behind, you might finally get the idea.

“quit being a drama queen,” gunwook says, throwing a ball at ricky’s bedroom door that’s been locked shut for a good hour now. it bounces right back into his palm and gyuvin is laying flat on the floor next to him. “it could be that she knows you’re into her, but she’s just trying to reject your advances gently because she doesn’t want to hurt you.”

gunwook and gyuvin hear a crash from inside ricky’s room.

“that’s— that’s, no. i don’t even want to think about that!”

they’re waiting for him to finish changing (if he is just changing. the crashes in his room are becoming sources of concern). you invited them for a nice buffet dinner to celebrate the success of the event. however, the three of them are already thirty minutes late for the restaurant appointment, and hanbin had to come over and pick them up with taerae in tow after hearing the news that ricky shen— cool guy extraordinaire— is having a breakdown over a girl.

there are now four men waiting in front of ricky’s locked bedroom. gyuvin gets sick and tired and starts banging on the door. “hurry up! do you want to keep the love of your life waiting?”

“damn, you guys were serious,” taerae posits. “is he actually in love with her?”

“i’m afraid so,” gunwook solemnly shakes his head.

hanbin hits another concerned knock on his door, and lo and behold, ricky finally cracks open his bedroom door and walks out—

walks out in an ensemble that they can only unanimously describe as jarring.

leopard print. leather pants. gold chain necklace. a pair of shades are hanging on the way too low cut shirt and they wonder if he’s gonna wear them indoors. he’s got a leather jacket folded over his arm and it’s twenty four fucking degrees.

“what do you think?” ricky asks, eyes proud, expectant, and sparkly. hanbin doesn’t have the heart to break it to him. “i read somewhere that the pattern symbolizes, uh, confidence and sexiness, i think. this will make her stop thinking that i’m cute, right?”

“yeah,” gyuvin replies. “she’ll think you’re hideous instead.”

“google tells me that the leopard print is a symbol of, and i quote, absolute femininity.” gunwook has his eyes trained on his phone. he looks up and gives ricky a once-over. “if you’re trying to go for the femme fatale look, then you’re doing a good job.”

it takes a moment for ricky to react.

when he does, his reaction consists of grabbing onto the hem of his allegedly ugly shirt and starts pulling it over his head.

“whoa, whoa, whoa— what are you doing?!”

gunwook quickly tries to stop him from stripping. gyuvin is laughing his ass off. taerae has a hand covering his mouth. hanbin is stressed. “quit picking on him! ricky, you look fine!” ricky is not fine. his styled hair is not disheveled and he’s visibly upset and sulking. gyuvin is losing his mind. he’s on the floor and hitting the ground.

“are you trying to be cute right now?” taerae asks. this just scrunches up ricky’s brows even more and makes his bottom lip jut forward.

“n...no…?”

“well, shit,” taerae laments. “it’s a genetic disease. she’s never gonna take you seriously.”

the only emotion ricky knows is despair.

he’s supposed to be hot and sexy and handsome, why can’t you see that? do you have a pink filter when you look at him, or something? is that it? that’s gotta be it, right? because why else would you be so unaffected when he feigns nonchalance, brushing through his hair at a precise timing when he notices you starting to turn to his direction. it’s your heart that should be beating like crazy when he greets you with a half-smile and a nod— not his, not his, not his when you return it with a full-smile, so bright and beaming, of your own.

“oh, you’re finally here!”

ricky doesn’t believe in bucket lists. he lives in the moment. he doesn’t want things so desperately to the point where he writes them down on a checklist taped to his desk. the list definitely doesn’t have the words “get miss department chair to fall in love with me” written on it with scrawled letters. and he doesn’t didn’t give himself a deadline to date you by the end of the year.

he’s given himself until the day he dies because the moment he met you was the first time he imagined watching someone walking down the aisle.

yes, he’s down bad. yes, he sings hopelessly devoted to you in the shower five times a week and replaced the word you with your name. yes, gyuvin has a recording.

“ah, we��ve been waiting for you, kids,“ you say once they’ve all settled on their seats. kids. he scoffs. insult to injury. he’s pouting and picking on a plate of galbi. he feels like shit even though you’re sitting right across him all pretty and sweet like the strawberry shortcake you ordered— which he’s trying his damn best to not steal a slice from because he’s pretty sure you’re just gonna go, “oh! you really like strawberries, don’t you? so cute,” and he’d much rather choose physical over emotional torment, thank you very much.

“they were caught up in something,” taerae responds to your initial statement. your eyes gloss over them with curiosity.

“why? what took you guys so long?”

four sets of eyes are on ricky and his patterned shirt. the bossam wrap in his mouth won’t swallow down his throat. it was too late for him to change out of the symbol of femininity. mid-strip, hanbin got a text from you so he got dragged out, guilty in leopard prints and gold, out of his apartment.

don’t you fucking dare, ricky glares at the suspicious look gyuvin is wearing as he brings a glass of water to his lips. gyuvin clears his throat, “we had to wait for ricky who was dressing to impress y—” and is subsequently elbowed and chokes on his water.

hot. ricky feels hot. not the sexy kind, but the icky embarrassing kind because he wants to cover his burning face and stab gyuvin with a fork in the process.

“oh?” you voice out from across the table. you’re plucking out wads of tissue paper for a dying gyubin but your eyes are trained on him. oh my god. he wants to rip this shirt off and die, but he can’t do that. he can’t. he hasn’t been working out enough lately due to stress. “not everyone can pull off animal prints. it looks really good on you.”

huh.

“and you’re not wearing your usual silver! you look cool today, ricky.”

oh.

what.

“you really think so?” gyuvin, who has now recovered, eggs you on further in behalf of his malfunctioning friend. there’s steam rising to the ceiling and it’s not from the open grill. he exchanges glances with gunwook and taerae. they catch the signal and press on. “doesn’t he look—”

“—would you dare say—”

“—handsome?”

“hot?”

“sexy?”

you let out something in between a cough and a laugh.

they don’t miss the flustered jitter filtering the sound coming out of your throat.

mission success.

“ahaha, what are you kids saying?” ricky doesn’t miss it either. the initial shock of you not calling him cute has worn off and now it’s up to him to finish what his friends have started. he doesn’t miss the way you try to brush them off while fanning your face with your free hand, the way you reach out for a glass of water with the other and there’s a nervous bob in your throat when you swallow. “a—anyway, let’s make a toast for the success of our event!”

when he clinks his glass with yours, ricky maintains eye contact amidst the noise of the cheers. his gaze is deep and you’re caught off guard— escaping with a laugh and turning away as you down half of your beer glass in one go. holy crap. holy shit, it’s working.

ricky can see it. there’s hope for his bucket list. he’s gonna swear by leopard shirts and gold chain necklaces if he continues to get this kind of reaction from you.

“it’s not because of the ugly shirt.”

gyuvin snaps him back to sanity once dinner concluded and they start leaving the restaurant. “it’s because we manipulated her brain waves into finally noticing that you’re hot,” gunwook inserts. they’re all outside now. you’re bidding the other members goodbye and gunwook nudges him forward. “you’re welcome. you owe us a meal.”

now, even with the newfound confidence and hope, ricky’s knees still buckle when he approaches you from behind. why is the back of your head still pretty? why?

at the moment, it’s taerae’s turn to receive your goodbyes, wedged between two cars, one of them his. he notices ricky’s looming nervous wreck of a presence from over your shoulder. “ah, and this is my cue to leave,” he says. “thanks for the meal, miss chair. get home safe.”

“you too, taerae! thanks!”

when you turn around, you bump into him. maybe he intended it, maybe not, but god damn the uncharacteristic flutter of your surprised eyes is destroying his plans to act cool, act nonchalant, act totally unaffected with how prettily you’re looking at him under the dim parking lot lights and the night sky. “oh!” you exclaim after reformatting, after putting on your doting senior voice again and it kills him because that’s a night of progress down the drain. “are you kids heading out now? oh, sorry, this is your car, right? i’ll get out of the way.”

he frowns. totally uncool, perfectly non-nonchalant, and completely affected but he doesn’t care anymore.

“what do you think of me?”

the words jump out before he knows it. screw his bucket list. he’s gonna proclaim his undying love for you even if it kills him.

you blink. “what?” a laugh bubbles from your throat— a mix of trying-to-brush-him-off but nervous at the same time. “ricky, what do you mean?”

his face is knotting up. he’s totally pouting right now which he’d rather be caught dead than doing, but he’s now twice the dead man. ricky takes a step forward. you take a step back until no more steps can be taken because your back hits against his car, and he’s grasping at the straws desperate to get even an ounce of a hint of a sign that you’re finally taking him seriously. “what do you think of me?” he repeats, voice a little lower this time. your expression is completely taken over by peaches of fluster, this time. no sign of the composure you’ve usually perfectly maintained.

“oh, uhm.” your hands are unsure and held hostage in the air because his arms serve as a barricade around you, palms pressed tightly against the cold glass of the front seat window. you’re nipping at your bottom lip. ricky just died thrice. “what—what i think of you? well, uh, you’re a very good, very cute, very hardworking junior that i adore, and i—i appreciate all the help you’ve offered to the counci— oh!”

ricky lets out a noise and buries his nose into the crook of your neck, arms that were once caging you are now completely wrapped around your waist. he’s putting all of his weight onto you. he is a corpse. he mumbles something unintelligible into you skin and you ask him to repeat it. “i don’t like it,” he says more clearly, still muffled, whiney all the same. “i’m not cute. i’m cool and handsome and totally in love with you but you just don’t get it.”

it’s quiet. ricky is anticipating the worst, which would be you calling him lame and a loser, but you don’t do that. you don’t push him off either.

“how can i not think you’re cute when you act like this?”

instead you pull him in closer. his eyes widen, and he feels your fingers digging into his hair, a tender touch on his nape, and he feels himself melting and turning into stone at the same time.

“i never thought you were being serious every time you greeted me by calling me pretty. i thought you were just being playful and trying to earn extra points from me,” you hum. he sinks further. the only thing propping him up is you. “but calling someone pretty every day is barely a confession, ricky. how was i supposed to get anything from that? gosh, you’re so cute.”

“it usually works,” he mumbles. he doesn’t want to show you his face. he probably looks stupid right now. “i thought my new shirt worked too. gyuvin and gunwook don’t agree.”

“i think it’s cool.”

you finally pry him off, hands on his shoulders and he feels himself buckling. he’s pretty sure he looks stupid right now— pink and flushed and dizzy, but your face harbors no judgment. “i think i prefer the shirt owner over the shirt though.” only a familiar gaze of fondness and god, he’s so in love and you finally understand that. “now, why the hell are gyuvin and gunwook still loitering out here?”

ricky didn’t believe in bucket lists. at least not until that damned day of reckoning, when the nonexistence of his list suddenly came to existence, harboring one thing and one thing only.

now, he’s got that one thing crossed out. he’s thinking of adding more.

YOU’RE MY BUCKET LIST. © hannie-dul-set, 2023.

#zb1 x reader #zerobaseone x reader #shen ricky x reader #zb1 ricky x reader #zb1 imagines #zerobaseone imagines #shen quanrui imagines #shen ricky imagines #zb1 ricky imagines #zb1 fluff #zerobaseone fluff #shen ricky fluff #shen quanrui x reader #shen quanrui fluff #zb1 ricky fluff #zb1 scenarios #zb1 x you

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starcrossedxwriter · 7 months ago

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Wicked Fantasies Part 11.1 (MBJ x OC)

A/N: Ummm so welcome backkk! This is 11.1 because there's a second part to this chapter (I know... my self control keeps getting worse lolol) But I hope you enjoy!

TW: grief

“I’m never fucking drinking again,” Raven moaned to herself as she stumbled out of the comforts of bed. She felt like hell, if hell had a truck run over its head a few dozen times.

Raven generally considered herself an early riser but nothing could pull her out of bed that morning after what was, objectively, the dumbest night of her life. Part of her wished she had had one or two more drinks so she could have officially transitioned into the ‘blackout drunk’ phase. So that she would, at least, be spared the embarrassing memories. But no, every horrible moment of the night from dancing wildly at the bar to Michael saving her was etched into the crevices of her brain with shocking clarity.

Now, it was after noon and Raven still found herself wanting to be curled under her blanket asleep so she could escape her embarrassment.

A knock at the door pulled her out of her wallowing self pity. She did not make an attempt to move, expecting Tiffany to answer. However, when the voice of their landlord rang out and her knocking persisted, she quickly slid on her robe to open the door. She decided Mrs. Winters would have to get over the fact that she looked like death reincarnated.

“Rough night, dear?”

Raven grimaced for a moment, she did indeed look as terrible as she felt.

“Something like that,” Raven offered a tight smile, her body slumping against the door. “W-what can I do for you, Mrs. Winters?”

“Oh I’m just letting everyone know that we had a pipe burst on the floor above. We’ll have folks in and out and you might hear some noise and stuff. But if you see any leaking into your unit, give me a ring?”

“Of course. Will do. Thanks, have a good one,” Raven tried her best to politely shoo the woman away. However, she lingered.

“Oh I meant to tell you, that boyfriend of yours is just such a good egg. So kind and polite. Admittedly I haven’t met many famous people,” she laughed. “But you just don’t expect them to have such good manners, you know?”

Raven stopped. “My boyfriend?? Sorry… When was he here?”

“He stopped by this morning. Gave me a check for your rent for the rest of your lease. Oh and asked where your mailbox was, said he wanted to drop something in it.”

Raven was worried her jaw might come completely unhinged as the woman spoke.

He did what??

“Are you alright, dear??”

“Y-Yea, yea. Just… a bit of a surprise. Thank you.”

And with that, Raven immediately closed the door, not listening to the elderly woman’s reply.

“This nigga… I hate him,” she muttered to herself as she slumped against her door.

Every cell in her body knew that was not true. But she also knew that everything she had told him last night was still accurate. She was too tired to forgive him and not just him… anyone ever again. The world has used up all of her second chances and she did not have it in her heart to be disappointed by him again. The narrative in her brain was so set in stone, she did not think anything he could say or do would make her believe anything else. She could not even make herself go retrieve the note that was apparently waiting for her in her mailbox.

“Such a coward,” she grumbled as she flopped back into bed.

She stared at her phone for several minutes, her text thread with Michael open. She wondered what she could even say? Thank you?

She knew any conversations demanding she pay him back or he rescind the money would be moot. Even if she had the mental fortitude to argue with him right now, she would still lose. But she could not just accept it without trying to push back.

She typed and erased and typed and erased before lamely landing on:

Raven: You can’t pay my entire rent. I can’t accept that.

Raven: I don’t want that.

Michael: Yea you can. Told you… gonna show up every day tryin’ to fix us. You just gotta let me.

Raven: Money isn’t gonna fix this, Michael.

Michael: I know. But it can fix the tangible things I fucked up for you

Michael: So let me fix that for you.

Raven paused, as a warm sensation filled her, a warmth she had not felt in over a month now. The warmth of being cared for. She had never had someone take care of her without wanting something in return, except Michael. Even when their relationship was built on transactions, he still took care of her without needing or asking for something from her. The book deal, her rent were just the tangible examples of how he had stepped up to right the wrongs he could and she could not deny that those actions meant something, softened something inside her.

He was doing exactly what he promised he would do the night before. He was fixing what could be, he was showing with his actions that she meant something to him. And yet, that blockade that stopped that belief from taking root was still there, still prohibiting her from believing these actions were anything more than a skilled manipulation.

He would draw her back in, he would not change, and when he got ready, he would hurt her again. That’s what everyone in her life did.

Raven: It doesn’t change anything

Michael: I know… didn’t expect it to.

She tossed her phone to the side and grabbed her pillow, screaming into it as her frustration got the better of her. The complex web of conflicting feelings with Michael B. Jordan trapped at its center only continued to grow. She wanted him to let her go, to stop caring and trying and going out of his way for her because that fit into the narrative nailed to the cross of her brain, it would confirm her beliefs and fears.

But instead he continued to do the things that made her fall in love with him the first time, things that only reignited the dimmed but still existent flame that was her love for him. And she knew she would never get over him if she kept letting that happen, kept letting him in.

So she did not even respond. Instead, she just closed the thread and tossed her phone to the side.

“Let him go, Rae,” she demanded to herself. “You don’t deserve him and he doesn’t love you.” She repeated that a few times before it felt real again, before all that had started to soften was once again as solid as a block of ice.

***

“You look like shit,” Alex moaned as she watched Michael’s makeup artist, Shanta, struggle to make him look less like a living zombie ahead of his Oprah interview.

They were tucked away in a suite in Oprah's sprawling LA estate. It was difficult to make Michael feel poor but Oprah was certainly one of the few people in the world who could do so.

“Thanks, appreciate that.”

“You know I don’t believe in lying to you. Make sure you get those bags under his eyes,” she instructed. “Alright, this is it. Final stretch. Movie’s out and every review is stellar so far. Do this interview, it’ll air this week, Oscars on Sunday and then you can sleep. Though I bet it’s not the schedule keeping you up? Talked to her since the premiere?”

Michael forced his body not to sag at the mention of Raven as to not disturb the hard work of the woman trying to make him look alive after days of no sleep.

“She texted me about the rent thing the next morning. But it’s been radio silence ever since.”

It had only been a few days since the fiasco after the premiere but Michael’s concern for Raven had not diminished one bit. He could not let her go as she requested but he tried his hardest to respect her desire for space. His heart was stuck in the quicksand that was Raven and he had no desire to pull himself out. He wanted to be right there. He knew eventually he would have to accept defeat, accept that she had moved on. But he could not do it while she still questioned her own deservedness. She could hate him for the rest of his life, it would be her right. But his soul could not allow her to live thinking so lowly of herself. So if he had to pay 30 years of rent or call in favors to make her life easier and make her see that she deserved care and someone to sacrifice for her, he would do it. It was high time someone in her life put her above themselves.

“Well, at least she talked to you. That’s something. You’re doing what she asked. Sis has lived a life, she needs time and space. Keep doing what you're doing. Except for the no sleep. For the love of God, by the Oscars, please get a good night’s rest. That’s your night.”

“Let’s not get ahead of ourselves, Alex…”

She scoffed. “You’ve won the big four, Mike. It’s not just because I believe you deserve it… Statistically, Best Actor is yours. The Oscars is your night. Have a little faith in yourself.”

“I hear you. I just don’t wann-”

“Excuse me?” A young man poked his head in the door. “Apologies for interrupting. I’m a PA. Just wanted to let you know that we’re almost ready? I can take you out to the garden when you’re ready.”

“Be right out. Thank you,” Alex called.

Shanta did her last quick finishing touches before Alex gave him her customary once over.

“Shanta, my girl, you’re a miracle worker per usual.”

They both offered Shanta their thanks, Michael rolling his shoulders before heading out the door to walk out to the gardens.

He had met and interviewed with Oprah once before so he was not particularly nervous. But despite having done millions of interviews, there was always a kernel of nerves right beforehand that he could just never shake.

He was dressed in slacks and a light black sweater, thankful for a cooler day as he walked out into her expansive gardens where the Oprah Winfrey waited for him. The cameras were already rolling, capturing footage that may or may not make into the hour-long special.

“The man of the hour!” she called, her arms stretched wide to wrap Michael in a hug. “Actually I think man of the year is more appropriate. Welcome. I can’t tell you how excited I am to have you here.”

“Thank you, thank you. It’s so good to be here.”

“Have a seat,” she gestured at the very comfy chair across from hers. “And we can jump right in.”

***

Raven’s head was propped against her fist as she stared at her computer. A sentence. That was the grand total of her hard work for that Wednesday afternoon. But it was something, she supposed. Weeks of hard work had amounted to maybe two or three pages of her book. She had been offering Angelina vague answers on her progress, ducking and dodging her to avoid admitting that there was no way in hell she could have a draft by March 15 like they talked about.

“Rae? You busy?”

She turned in her chair toward the door to find Tiffany’s head poking in.

“Nope… I’ll never be busy again at this rate,” she grumbled. “What’s up?”

“I just turned on the interview… if you want to watch?”

Raven scratched her head, unsure if she could even watch him? See him happy and thriving without her? Despite everything happening between them though, she could not pretend there was not a part of her that still wanted to celebrate this moment in his career. Interviewing with Oprah the week he was poised to win his first Oscar? How could she ever forgive herself if she did not watch this? Even if it hurts?

“I’ll… be there in a sec. Thanks, Tiff.”

Raven let out a deep sigh before she grabbed the blanket off her bed and dragged herself to the living room. The interview had already started and he looked gorgeous. Tired, she could tell, in the way he constantly had to readjust his posture, in the bags under his eyes that the makeup artist could not quite fully cover. But even at his worst, he looked captivatingly good.

Raven found herself studying him so intently that she did not even comprehend the words he and Oprah were sharing. She just watched him and his mannerisms, she focused on the glimmer in his eyes that sparked every so often. She missed looking into his eyes, missed how expressive they were.

This moment only amplified how much she missed him, missed hearing the deep baritone in his voice and the spark in his eyes when he spoke about his passions. She missed his bright and uninhibited laughter, how his hands were always on her in some way. She just missed him. But she had pushed him away, had told him to let her go. And even if he had not fully let go of her yet, she felt too scared to open that door again, even if her soul ached for her to. Particularly when he continued to try to show up for her in small ways.

And despite how angry she still wanted to be at him, she had never had anyone show up for her quite like this… try for her like he did. And everyday, her brain took up far more mental space than it should have, debating whether she should follow her foolish heart and forgive him or listen to her logical brain and cast him aside. Days passed and she still did not know the answer.

“So I’ll admit,” Raven’s ears finally started to pick up the conversation between Oprah and Michael, “I watched Waves more times than appropriate. But Gayle and I saw it at Sundance and we both thought it was just the most heartbreaking and poignant look at loss and grief that we had ever seen. While still being engaging and funny and so relatable. The journey your character goes through is just… I mean I think grief is one of the few universal experiences that we all will have at some point. And you really brought that to life through this character and his struggles with addiction. And the fact that you filmed this while engaged in completely different projects with complex characters like Killmonger in Black Panther and Adonis in Creed 3… I’m curious what you pulled from to give that performance?”

Michael shifted in his seat as he chuckled, Raven had missed how passionate he got about this project, even though he had been talking about it and doing press for it since they first started dating. She knew he had not truly expected the role to blow up in the ways it did but she could tell he was grateful for it, nonetheless.

“Well first, thank you. Yea aside from Oscar Grant, Andre was the hardest character I’ve ever played and he stretched me as an actor in ways, you know, I didn’t really expect? And I learned so much from him in his sort of journey through grief. You know, when I read the first script, the line ‘grief is the final stage in love’s evolution,’ really stuck out to me. When you lose someone, grief, this enduring pain you feel, is that love shifting and changing because it has nowhere to go, there’s no outlet for it anymore. And so, Andre really reframed my own thoughts on grief and loss and how I process that and allowed me to pull from personal experiences with loss to pour into that character.”

“Yea I will say, that line was one of my favorites. I sat with that long after the credits rolled.”

“Yea same. I remember sitting a-and thinking about that one for a while after reading it. And I loved that even in the more comedic moments of this movie, we still had those lines that made you wanna stop and really sit with what the characters were going through.”

“Definitely, I was dissecting this movie for weeks after. It’s just amazing. So I do want to shift gears to talk about this moment you're experiencing because of this movie. This really is the biggest moment of your career. You’re nominated for your first Oscar and a favorite to win, so far in 2023, you’ve won a SAG Award, Golden Globe, and BAFTA. And you, as of two days ago, just had your directorial debut in Creed 3. First question, how are you still awake?” Both of them shared a laugh. “But serious question, how has this moment felt? How does it feel to be having this moment at this stage of your career?”

“Oh wow, when you list it like that, I don’t know how I’m awake either,” he chuckled. “But seriously, you know… it’s been a ride. I know you’ve felt this too but you know, you don’t often take a moment to just pause and soak it in. You finish one interview or award show and your mind automatically just jumps to the next one. And I think what I’ve been trying to force myself to do in the later weeks of this insane time is just to slow down and enjoy it. Not rush through it and really enjoy the fruits of… really years of hard work and sacrifice. But that also means sitting with… you know, the challenges of this time too, which isn’t as rewarding,” he admitted with a sad smile. “But I’m growing and learning alot so it’s worth it.”

Oprah nodded. “You know I always appreciate when people don’t let the 24 hour news cycle and gossip sort of steal their thunder and moment from them. And I applaud you for sort of moving through the more gossipy side of the last few months with grace and maturity. But you haven’t really talked much publicly about those stories and the effect they have had on you. And you don’t have to get into it if you don’t want but I am curious on how you navigated that and really came out on the other side, from what I can see, stronger for it?”

Michael bowed his head and chuckled. “Um… you know a good friend of mine told me that she thought this was the most vulnerable and most genuine I had ever been publicly on this press tour and I think it’s because I’ve had to navigate some really personal stuff during this great but hectic public moment? And that’s new territory for me.”

“And I think that friend is right. I don’t think we have seen or learned this much about you ever.”

“Yea and I wish I could take some credit for it but… it was all one person: Raven Turner. And the way we met, now as the world knows, was extremely unconventional and I can admit that our relationship started as a complete lie. A lie I thought would help me be seen as this serious, mature man my team was worried I wasn’t. And I wasn’t,” he admitted. “I was cold and guarded and not at all the best version of myself. And while I regret how we started and trying to fool the world into thinking I’m something I’m not, there isn’t a bone in my body that regrets falling in love with her.”

He leaned forward a bit as he spoke. “Because all those walls and barriers we build around ourselves to survive in this world of Hollywood? To endure the criticisms and insanity we deal with? She's the first woman to see me. Not the actor and the money and the fame but just me. And in that, she saved me… without trying or intending to. She just loved me and loving her, choosing her is the single greatest decision I ever made. And I hate how this moment has fallen on her, how my terrible decisions led to these pretty disgusting misogynistic attacks on her. And I think my biggest regret is putting someone as pure as her in the line of fire like that and not doing enough to protect her. And you know, I have to live with that, which is tough.”

“You know I’ve interviewed thousands of people in my career and while I believe you have to change for yourself and on your own, I also have found that the ones who love us, really love us, are often the most powerful catalysts for change in our lives. I’ve certainly seen and experienced that in my own life and it’s important to spotlight those who were that catalyst.”

“Oh 100%. Especially when, I think this version of me was always there? I was just too hurt to trust anyone with it, so no one saw it. I buried me under this facade I thought was better? But I fell in love with a woman who taught me that you can’t be guarded, you can’t shut down just because you’re hurt. Life is about getting up every day, being authentically you, and reaching out and loving and risking your heart every time. And sometimes you’ll get swatted away and sometimes you’ll get an embrace. But you just deny yourself love when you don’t show up at all. So I’ve been trying to live by that more lately. Because she showed me what real strength and courage looks like. And I want to have that, I want to lead with that.”

“Wow… you know people are going to watch this and I think, applaud that vulnerability. It’s refreshing to me because I don’t think our world incentivizes or encourages people to admit when they aren’t being their best selves. So I think for you to do that, at a moment when you’re at the top of your game, is commendable.”

“She deserves to know the positive effect she’s had on my life. To be celebrated for how she supported me. And you know it’s not just me? When we first started dating, I remember her one stipulation was that we couldn’t go out on Wednesday evenings because she hosted a book club for kids at the library she worked at. And that was the most important thing to her, being there for them. The day of our first date, she spent an hour delivering books and SAT prep books to those same kids she worked just because. There’s just a selflessness to her that is truly admirable. And I think while people are attacking her and calling her these vile names because she made a certain choice during a hard time, they should know who she really is. A woman that would drop everything to help you even when you don’t really deserve it. A woman who I’ve seen give others all she had because they needed it more even when she did not have a backup plan for herself. I could honestly talk about her for the rest of this interview because she deserves celebration far more than I ever could. Genuinely good people don’t always get the shine they deserve, they don’t always get the love and care they deserve because we can often take them for granted. But no one deserves to be celebrated more than her, to be celebrated loudly more than she does.”

“I love that… she seems like quite the woman.”

“She is… and I hope she knows that.”

“So tell me about…”

The words faded away as his words tumbled through Raven’s head. They clashed jarringly against every belief she had internalized about herself, like metal against metal. But she found herself wanting to believe him. Believe the words a section of the world just heard. She wanted to believe that what he saw in her, even over the course of six months, was who she truly was. Not this broken, damaged scapegoat life had fashioned her into.

There has to be more than this, right?

Tiffany nudged her with a box of tissues in her hand. Raven had not even realized she was crying but she accepted them gratefully.

“Don’t know how I still have tears over this man left,” she whispered as she wiped her eyes.

“I don’t think those tears are because of him, sis.”

Raven sniffled and grabbed another tissue. “You m-might be onto something. I can’t watch anymore. Night, Tiffany.”

However, before she reached her bedroom, she heard Tiffany call her name.

“I know what he did… sucks. And hurts. But that’s a man who loves you, Rae. More than anything. After that? The only person in the world who still won’t believe it is you.”

She turned around to face her, the back of her hand wiping away a few more stray tears. “You know he said the same thing?”

“Well, I generally don’t think actors are that smart,” Tiffany admitted with a laugh. “But he’s right about that. You deserve to believe good things about yourself, we all do.”

“Nothing good has ever lasted… I always ruin it somehow. I tried to believe I deserved him and life proved that I didn’t,” she answered, her voice small. “D-Don’t have it in me to try again.”

“Raven… I know we aren’t best friends or anything. But how many times have I watched you forgiven your dad and sister? Let them back in, try to make things right with them? Try to build the family you want?”

“Too many…”

“Right… So why does Michael only get one shot when you found the strength to give them 100? When he’s the one actually showing up for you? He’s the one who actually is trying to earn another chance?”

“It’s not that simple and you know it.”

“I know that the only person denying you happiness right now… is you. You push away the good people and things in your life because you feel like you don’t deserve it but no one would be here if you didn’t. Michael, the kids in your book club… me. I don’t keep signing leases with you because you’re a terrible person who ruins everything, no one has a gun to our heads, Rae. We’re here because you do deserve it.”

“Tiff…”

“Nope, shut up. This pity party is getting old and tired. It doesn’t matter what I think of you… or what Michael thinks or anyone out there.” She gestured toward the window. “All that matters is the narrative you’ve created and until you decide to believe something else, all you’re going to do is push people away and fuck up and self sabotage because it’s all you think you deserve. You gotta wake up and do some fucking work, girl. Cause until you figure out how to erase this narrative from your brain, you’ll never be happy. And you’ll never fall in love with anyone except for someone who treats you like crap. You’ll never build your own family. You’ll never finish your book or have another fulfilling career. You’ll just be stuck in this broken version of yourself alone… forever. And I’ve seen a few different versions of you over the last two years but this is by far the most pitiful.”

Raven had never heard Tiffany be so blunt. The words were biting but she could not deny that some of them rang true in her ears. And that was always the hardest information to hear.

“Damn… tell me how you really feel.”

“The soft gentle love wasn’t resonating clearly so had to go with a different tactic…. Just think about it. And once you fix all this shit and move to a mansion in the hills, don’t forget about me.” She winked at her, causing Raven’s jaw to drop slightly.

“How do you even know that’s gonna happen?”

She shrugged and grabbed the remote to press play, Raven not even noticing that she paused it.

“Just got a good feeling about the two of you. Now go so I can lust after him in peace while he's still single. Kidding! Kinda..."

Raven let out a small laugh as she shook her head. "I know you're not kidding. Night, Tiff.”

She slid into her bed, her only refuge of late, and stared at the ceiling. She was surprised she was not tired of looking at it by now. Michael and Tiffany’s words wrestled with her own thoughts for hours

What was her problem, really? It was not that what Michael did was unforgivable because it wasn’t. Some distant part of her, too quiet to break through the noise of her anger, always wondered if there was more to the story, believed that he had to have had some reason. But she was too angry to allow him to explain. It just became vicious ammunition that no one could ever love her or care about her… that she was the problem.

Well, that’s true… no one’s ever loved you. And everyone who does leaves.

She supposed her mother must have loved her, but she would never know. She would never feel it. And her grandmother’s love was so distant, so long ago, that it no longer felt tangible, was no longer a tether to anchor her self worth to something positive.

Instead, the only thing that tethered her sense of self worth to anything was her family’s disdain. Disdain that made her question what Michael could’ve seen in her, how he could ever love someone like her? That disdain which made it far easier to believe that what he did was proof that he did not love her than that he possibly did do it to protect her in some weird way. No other thought could live long enough in her brain to take hold.

And she did not know if doing what Tiffany suggested would fix that. There was not enough time in the world for her muster the courage to interrogate and confront the source of these feelings. She had hoped she would never have to see her family again. Some days, never felt like too soon.

But she knew she could not avoid it. They were the root cause, the narrative in her head was fueled and sustained by them. And screaming at them across the Thanksgiving table and never speaking to them again was not the closure she needed. She thought she had dropped the weight that was her family when she cut them off. But she was still dragging all the luggage they gave her around and it was time to give it back.

She knew her family did not want to see her either, knew it would be difficult to get them to even speak to her after everything. But she knew she had to try… because she knew there had to be more to life than this. That she had not been born to only suffer through life instead of live it. So she needed to confront her demons for herself, even if her relationship with them did not change one bit.

She grabbed her computer and her wallet. It was time to go home.

***

Raven’s eyes remained trained on her dad’s house across the street as she sat in her rental car. She was almost shocked that none of her family’s nosy neighbors had not called the police yet as she sat there for nearly an hour, summoning the courage to actually go inside.

She had felt so sure this was what she needed when she bought her plane ticket. And that confidence did not waver when she stepped onto the plane or during the long journey from LAX to Charlotte, NC. However, once she was in her rental car, she found herself waffling, aimlessly driving around for hours. Her brain seemed unable to direct her to the place she knew she needed to go. Home.

She just could not make herself do it… not yet anyway. So she did not. Instead, she finally went to her hotel to try to get some rest and her night’s rest turned into the entire Friday holed up in her hotel. She had not booked a return ticket, prayerful and hopeful that there would be a reason to stick around for a few days. But that also meant she did not have the incentive of time to make her move faster.

But she could not even make herself do this. Because she did not know how to be brave like this. Her life had been nothing but running from pain and confrontation. This was so contrary to that. She did not know how to do any of this. She tossed and turned all night, unable to get any sleep particularly when there was only one person who she wanted to talk to, wanted to seek courage and strength from. Because when she felt scared, when she did not feel strong, he was the only person she wanted to reach for. But she was not sure he would even answer. She had pushed him away, told him she needed space.

But she had not felt like she could do this alone. So last night, she called him.

“Rae! Everything ok?” he asked immediately, his question met with silence.

Raven did not know what to say and regret filled her like ice water in her veins. But she knew it was too late to hang up, she had to see it through. She paid for that moment of weakness when she hit the call button as her throat closed at the sound of her voice. She found it impossible to speak, even if she knew what words to say.

“I’ll wait until you’re ready, Rae. Got all night for you.”

And she knew he was not just talking about waiting for her to speak.

“Why?” she whispered, the simple word coming out in a strangled sound as she tried to push past the tightness in her throat.

“Why what?”

“Why even answer after everything I said to you? W-why do you keep trying?”

“Because I love you,” he answered simply. “And you’re worth it. I’ll keep reaching out, baby girl. Even when you swat me away.”

“You might be the only person who thinks that,” she whispered back as a tear fell.

“I don’t think that’s true. But even if it was, knowing one person is in your corner is all you need sometimes.”

She laughed lightly. “That press tour got you only speaking in motivational boxing terms or something?”

His deep laughter filled her ears and filled her soul with such joy that she had forgotten. She had forgotten what these moments felt like, the two of them on the phone or curled up together in bed, just talking. She missed it… she missed him. But she could not say it, could not bring herself to pull her body out of the water to make that long trek back up the cliff to where he waited for her. Everything in her brain screamed at her that she couldn’t do it, that she did not have it in her. And she hated herself for it. Hated how she clung to the ice barriers around her heart, even though they were utterly fractured and ready to fall. She just was not ready yet.

She let out a shuddering breath as she hastily wiped away her falling tears. “I… don’t know why I called. I s-shouldn’t have called.”

“Call me anytime, Rae. I’ll always answer. I’ll always show up for you. I hope you know that… at least.”

“Y-Yea… I think I do… or at least, it’s getting harder to deny it,” she revealed. “Your interview with Oprah… it was really good,” she offered lamely.

“You watched??” she could hear the surprise in his voice.

“Yea… I almost didn’t,” she admitted. “But I caught most of it. Did you mean it? Everything you said?”

“Every single word.” There was no arguing with the definitive tone in his voice. “I get that you don’t trust me anymore. I lied and kept secrets. But one thing I never lied about is how much I love you.”

Her eyes clenched shut for a moment. That was one thing he had always been consistent about, her ears had just been perpetually shut to it.

“I… um… I gotta go. Early day tomorrow,” she lied as she sniffled. “I’m sorry for bothering you. Bye, Michael.”

She was not sure what she had expected to get from that call and, at first, it felt as if she only got a firm kick in the heart for it. But for the first time since she landed, Raven had enough strength to finally drive to her family’s house. She had rolled her eyes at his boxing motivational quotes but hearing someone say they were in her corner, that had given her courage. To just feel like someone was behind her, even if she was alone, that meant something to her.

She took a deep breath and got out of her car, forcing her legs to carry her to the front door.

Her rounds of knocks went unanswered, Raven getting slightly frustrated but determined not to leave the porch. If she turned around and walked away, she’d never come back.

After an extremely brief internal debate, she decided to simply let herself in, deciding that since she contributed to the mortgage, she had a right to come in as she pleased. And her father still, foolishly, kept a spare key underneath the welcome mat.

Though she had not been to her family’s home in two years or so, it still looked the same. Her father’s favorite work boots were thrown haphazardly at the door, several pairs of her sister’s shoes lined up next to them. She was an utter mess but she was, at least, somewhat neat. And it still felt… cold. And it had nothing to do with the cold winter east coast weather. The house had always felt like that, void of warmth and love that made a home a home.

“Kiara?” she called out. “Dad?” However, she was met with utter silence.

Part of her supposed she was thankful they were not home and that they had not just ignored her or something. She stood in the living room, staring around the room at the pictures that lined the walls and shelves. So many of her mom, her dad, and Kiara but there were none of her. That was not a surprise, it had always been that way. But that did not make it sting any less. All they had ever wanted was to erase her from their lives and if a stranger walked into this house, it would be as if she never existed.

She started up the stairs, her eyes refusing to linger long on any of the photos there. They were all lies anyway, a picture perfect family that did not exist because she had been born. She decided to ascend to the attic once she made it upstairs. Because that was where all her grandmother’s and some of her own things now lived. She had never really gone through her grandmother’s things after she passed, no one aside from her dad to pack them up. But she knew there was so much of their lives, so many memories she had forgotten of the one person who loved her, forgotten in those boxes that she now desperately needed to remember.

She ignored how narrow the opening to the attic was, realizing that it had been easier to maneuver up here when she was a young teenager. Everything was still neatly packed away as if her grandmother would be back one day to pick it up.

She started to open each box, pulling out and examining her grandmother’s things, so many beautiful things forgotten in this attic no one went into. For the first time in nearly two decades, she felt close to the only maternal figure she had ever had, felt like her grandmother’s hand was on her shoulder as she reminisced on their short but well-lived time together.

She found the old costume jewelry her grandmother used to let her play with, laughing to herself as she thought back to dressing up in front of her vanity mirror pretending to be a model or whatever silly idea the pair had thought up. She almost cried as she found a very crumpled piece of paper with the last story she gave her grandmother to read before she died, a random short story that she had written for class. She had not realized, as she found a folder, just how many of her stories her grandmother had kept.

A gold glint caught her attention, Raven reaching into a giant box to find a shoe box. Raven had seen that box 100 times but her grandmother had never let her touch it, claiming that it held priceless family heirlooms that she did not want Raven or Kiara to mess up. Raven rolled her eyes that something her grandmother had valued so much had been discarded and forgotten haphazardly at the bottom of this box.

Finally giving into her childhood curiosity, she opened it. It was still filled with things, part of her thankful that Kiara had never found it. The jewelry and pieces in it were gorgeous and indeed priceless. She took her time as she examined each one, wondering if they had belonged to her mother or her grandmother or some other relative she never met. However, it was what existed underneath the jewelry that caught her eye: piles of tied up envelopes, one with her name on it and one with Kiara’s.

The handwriting was not her grandmother’s, which made Raven even more curious.

She pulled out the stack with her name on it and undid the thin ribbon that tied them together. There were ten letters there in total, each one with a different note scribbled on the envelope.

To Raven on your 18th birthday

To Raven on high school graduation

To Raven after your first love

To Raven after your first heartbreak

To Raven on college graduation

To Raven on your wedding day

She only had to flip through a few of them to realize who they were from. Her mom.

“You’re killing me,” she muttered to the sky, unsure if she was speaking to God, her grandmother, her mother or all three.

Her hands trembled slightly as she ripped open the one on top, addressed to her on her 18th birthday. These were some of the only words her mother would get to say to her, she did not care how long ago she should have read it. She would savor each one.

To my sweet darling girl,

If you are reading this, it means that I am not physically there with you on your birthday. It means that I’ve missed 18 birthdays and too many milestones to write a letter for and for that, I am sorry. You might be wondering why there is not a letter for all those milestones and birthdays that have taken place but this felt like the best place to start and the appropriate age for reading the musings of a dying woman. If there’s even such a thing.

We learned your gender today. Another sweet girl. If the doctor somehow got it wrong, these letters will be incredibly awkward. But I know they are right. Because you, my darling girl, are the manifestation of my wildest dreams. I dreamed of you almost a year ago, this beautiful girl with half my face but all of my spirit and personality. And every night since then, I prayed, begged God to make that dream a reality… no matter the cost. And he did.

I know my body is not strong enough to be your mother, to be around to be the mother someone as brilliant as you will deserve. But I hope you know that deciding to have you and keep you, regardless of the risks, is the single greatest decision I ever made. You were not an accident or a misfortune given to me. You are my dreams. And if my last moments on this earth are spent looking at you, it will have been worth it.

I waited until 18 to start these letters because I worried a child could never understand the choice I made. And you may still not. And if you resent me for leaving you before you could know me, I understand that too. But I hope that through these letters, you will get to know me. And you will feel some semblance of the immense love I have for you.

I don’t have much advice because you’ve likely heard it all at this point. But the two most important things I can tell you, that I wish someone had told 18 year old me, is to know that failure is part of the journey. Your grandmother used to always tell me to keep reaching out your hand even if it doesn’t work. I didn’t really understand it soon enough but I hope you do. Life is about risks and if you don’t reach out your hand out of fear, you’ll protect yourself from pain but you will also miss out on the gifts God is trying to hand you. As a daughter, I hated to admit it, but mama was right about that… and so many other things.

And finally, more importantly than anything else I could offer you in these letters, please remember every day that you are so, so loved.

Know that regardless of what happened to me, I loved you with every fiber of my being until my last breath. Know that you were a gift from God. And every day you venture out into this world, know that you are worthy of so much because you were so loved from the moment you were dreamed up. Do not let anyone or whatever will happen to you in what I pray is a long, rich, happy life diminish that light, diminish your worth. I know how special you are and I don’t even know your name yet. And while I hope that your father and grandmother will affirm you daily, you don’t need other people to tell you that you are special. You have to know it for yourself. That’s the most important advice I can give you. Know who you are and your worth and take up as much space in this world as you want. And as long as you never forget how special you are… how deserving you are, you’ll move through this world shining bright. And the world will be forced to know it too and move to give you what you deserve. It’s not much and a bit cliche perhaps but I’ve been torn down enough to know that sometimes we all need the reminder. But those are stories for another letter.

By the time I write my next letter, I promise I will have picked out a name for you. I read a book the other day where the main character was named Raven… I had not thought of it before but I like it.

Happy Birthday.

Love,

Mom

The river of tears streaming down Raven’s face splashed against the slanted handwriting on the page, Raven quickly whisking them away so the words would remain legible. Raven did not even know how long she sat there staring at the words on the page, her heart bursting with the knowledge that her mother’s hand had touched this very paper, that she had poured her heart and soul into every word etched into it.

It was like proof she had been real and not this entity Raven had conjured up in her head. Raven could not stop herself from ripping open all the ones that she should have gotten along the way. The one for her first love and the separate one on heartbreak were four pages each, and Raven did not pay attention to the clock as she absorbed each and every word.

Everything she had learned about her mother had been through her grandmother and she had always wondered if her grandmother told her things just to make her feel better. But she realized that her grandmother had been telling the truth, she and her mother were so much alike. She found herself nodding and laughing along to her mother’s stories and wisdom embedded in all those pages. She was a prolific storyteller too and an amazing writer, another trait Raven realized she must have inherited from her.

For the first time in 30 years, Raven did not feel weighed down by this unbearable guilt. She felt lighter than she had ever been in her entire life. Perhaps this was what God wanted her to find here, not a confrontation with her family, but these words. This tangible proof that her mother had chosen her, wanted her… loved her and that she had not ruined anything at all.

Her mother would not have wanted her to carry such guilt around for so long because there was nothing to be guilty about.

The letters were scattered across the attic floor when she heard the faint sound of their garage opening. She quickly folded up all of her letters and stuffed them back into the box, tucking it under her arm as she climbed out of the attic. She did not make much noise as she closed up the attic, just as she heard her father and sister close the garage door and enter the kitchen.

Their voices drifted up to her ears as she started to climb down the stairs, deciding that she might as well get the pure unpleasantness of this moment over with.

“Wait… you hear that? Is someone in the house??” she heard her sister ask, knowing that they both could hear her footsteps against the old floorboards.

“Don’t get your gun,” she called out as she started down the stairs. “It’s just me.”

She was greeted with less-than-welcoming expressions from her family, such disdain that it made her want to scurry away. But she did not. She had done enough of that in her life.

“Adding breaking and entering to your criminal activity, now?”

Raven scoffed as she placed the box on the kitchen counter that stood between her and her family.

“Don’t think you can break into a house you helped pay for?” she answered coolly. “And I’m not the one with a mug shot here if I remember correctly.”

“No you’re just the one who sold her cheap ass for a quick buck.”

Raven shook her head, opening and closing her mouth for a few moments as she tried to find the words.

“Yea I did… And I’m not proud of it,” Raven admitted. “But I won’t let you or anyone shame me for doing what I needed to do to survive. What helped the two of you survive too.” Raven scratched her head, realizing that trying to get closure from her family was unnecessary. Her mother’s words had given her all the closure she had ever needed. That’s what she had come home for.

“You know, I got a plane ready to rip you both a new one for 30 years of abuse and torture. To try to force you to admit that I’m not the villain you made me to be. But… I don’t need that anymore. Because the cross of guilt and shame you two forced onto my back for all these years isn’t one I should have to carry. But I did because I thought it was the only way to keep you two around. And even without you two in my life, I still drag that cross around because I thought I deserved it. But I realized today, way too late, that I don’t need a damn thing from either of you to put it down.”

“So you came here to what? To chastise us and steal?” her father asked, gesturing toward the box on the counter.

“You can’t steal things that belong to you. These are letters mom wrote to me,” she lifted the open letters out before sliding the unopened pile to her sister. “And to you.”

“Your mother wrote these?” he asked, his jaw tensing as he looked down at the stack.

“Yeah, she did. You’ll enjoy yours… she was a really good storyteller,” she glanced at Kiara. “These letters just told me something I should’ve realized long before Thanksgiving. That cross? That guilt? It isn’t mine. And I am done wasting my life trying to rectify the mistake of being born. Because it wasn’t a mistake. She chose me… prayed for a second daughter knowing the cost and she decided it was worth it. And hearing her say that? That’s all I need to know that I deserve so much more than this… so much more than you.” She took a deep breath. “Being a grieving husband isn’t an excuse to be a terrible father and I’ll just be grateful I found some way to survive you and this. And jealousy doesn’t give you the right to be a shitty sister.”

“What the fuck do I have to be jealous of??”

“I always wondered that. But reading those letters… I finally got it. Because even as a failed author and prostitute, I’m everything she was. Grandma used to always say I had her personality… her talent. I always thought she was lying to make me feel better. But you knew she wasn’t and you could never stand it. Couldn’t stand that I was more like her than you.” For the first time, her sister was speechless. A good look on her in Raven’s opinion. “Mom wanted so much better for me than this and I’m gonna go and find it. Because I’ve wasted too much energy trying to earn the love of people who don’t deserve it. So if you want to go to your graves hating me, making me the scapegoat for every problem in your miserable lives, have at it. But know that I don’t hate you even after all this. I won’t be weighed down anymore by any feelings toward either of you ever again. You aren’t worth it.”

Raven pulled herself to full height and rolled her shoulder back as she scooped up the box and folder she had taken from her grandmother’s stuff.

“Now I’m gonna go and have that long… rich and happy life mom wanted for me. And I hope you two do the same.”

She did not look behind her as she walked away, a soft smile on her face as she walked out of her family’s house for the last time.

She let out a long laugh as she sat in her car, so much of the weight she had been carrying around gone. It did not feel sad like when she cut off her family at Thanksgiving. She finally felt as if she had cut the anchor away and she could float away, she could move forward and heal all the broken pieces of herself that they had gleefully chipped away at.

When she got back to her hotel room, she just kept rereading her mom’s words. She would memorize each letter at this point. A part of her desperately wanted to open the other ones but she had not reached those milestones just yet so she left them where they were. For some reason, she worried her mother would disapprove of her breaking into them early.

One line of five letters she read and reread stuck to her bones above all else. And of course, as if her mother had known, it was embedded in the letter for her first love. Love… the thing that had cracked her wide open and brought her to this moment in the first place.

You’d be surprised to know that this was the hardest of the letters to write. Because everyone has some prolific idea of what love is and feels like. And I realized I don’t… because I don’t think I’ve ever experienced the love I pray you are as you read this. That’s not to say I don’t love your father, I do. But I want something different than convenience for you. I hope that the love you feel is safe, allows you to feel the full spectrum of what it means to be human - strong and vulnerable, insecure and confident, boisterous and timid. I hope it feels like stepping out of the cold air and into a warm embrace. I hope it is loud and unapologetic because you deserve nothing less. And I hope it makes you feel so enraptured that everything else in the world goes quiet. And lastly, I hope, more than anything, that it feels like home. That when you’re in this person’s embrace, you feel as if your soul finally landed right where it is supposed to be.

Her eyes scanned that passage over and over again, realizing that she had found the exact love her mother described. She had come back here thinking she was coming home. But this wasn’t home at all. Home was where he was. And he was back in LA, about to prepare for the biggest night of his life in 24 hours. And regardless of whatever trust needed to be rebuilt and conversations needed to be had, she could not allow herself to miss it. She could not allow herself to not show up for him.

Raven scrambled to find her phone as it was hidden beneath sheets of paper. She scrolled through, praying she had not deleted a long forgotten group thread that housed one number she had once thought she would never need but now was the most important phone number in the world.

She almost shouted praises to God when she found it, clicking the call button on the unsaved number. She paced up and down beside her bed as every agonizing ring dragged on.

“Didn’t think I’d see your name pop up on my phone ever again.”

Raven let out a sigh of relief as her voice filled her ears. “I know… me either. But I need a favor.”

“Does it involve a certain award show tomorrow night?”

“Yes. Is it too late?”

“Yea it is.” she knew Alex could hear the tiny sigh of sadness she let out. “For anyone but me. I’ve earned enough favors around here to create a miracle or two.”

“Really?? Cause I need like more than one or two miracles… a dress, hair, makeup… hell a flight from Charlotte to make it back in time. Without him knowing?”

“Consider all of it done. Hope you don’t mind getting up at the ass crack of dawn though.” Alex asked, Raven hearing the smile in her tone.

“For him… I’ll get up anytime.”

“Good. Then I'll take care of everything... I'll have to tell his mom but she'll love this. And probably be happy as hell that she doesn't have to go anymore. I'll text you details in an hour."

"An hour?? That's all you need??"

"You're new here so I'm gonna choose to not be offended by that."

"Noted." She was about to hang up when she stopped herself. “Hey… Alex? Thank you.”

“Don’t mention it. Seriously. Just make sure your ass is on that plane and in LAX tomorrow when Allen picks you up, got it?”

Raven chuckled. “Yea I got it. See you tomorrow.”

Tag List: @readinghere2023 @blackerthings @prettyisasprettydoes1306 @physicxal @purplehairgawdess @miyuhpapayuh @rueruesclues @geemamii @certifiedlesbianbaddie @pipsqueak-98 @nyifly22 @destinio1 @twocentaur @gopaperless @musicisme333 @roguekiki @majesticbrownjawn @taurusqueen83 @mysteryuz @miamormilan @itsknor-thedeep @naj-ay444 @mads-grace4 @nayaesworld @kholdkill @msniaimani @nccu-rnc @apenasumlug4r @dezzy154

***

A/N: So now will y'all stop yelling at me LOLOL our good sis is going back to her man! We love to see it! How surprised do we think Michael's going to be? Part 11.2 will be the Oscars! Drop a comment and let me know what you thought! And as always, thanks for reading!

#black writers #michael b jordan #michael b jordan x oc #mbjordanedit #black panther #michael b jordan fanfic #michael b jordan x reader #creed 3 #adonis creed #creed iii

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mekochansblog · 1 year ago

Note

Hi! I absolutely love the masterpiece you just dropped! Consider me a new big fan!!! Also I was wondering if your requests are open? If so I would love to see your take on Five x reader where reader wouldn’t hurt a fly and means the world to him but one day gets kidnapped cause she knows five (or you can make the reason up) and Five goes crazy panicking/ crying about where you are and won’t listen to his family etc. Obviously you don’t have to do the request if you don’t want to 💜

Innocent

Five Hargreeves x reader

Warnings:

- cuss words

When they first recruited Five on the commission, he always believed he would never like it here. That is until you came along. He first met you as someone that was first intimidated by anything. He will talk to you, you’ll be startled quickly. He will try to start a conversation, you will yelp in surprise. It’ll be the little things that will get you. Mostly because Five is an intimidating man; but getting to know him more since the handler made you his personal secretary, you had to know how he was and acted.

It took a whole 6 months for you to understand Five and get used to how he was and act. It took only 1 year for you to fall in love with him. It took him 1 year to get used to you getting comfortable with him but 6 months for him to fall in love with you. He trusted you with stuff that he only trusted Dolores. He let you know about the apocalypse, he told you his deepest darkest secrets. At first it was scary, but one look in his eyes and you knew he had to do it to survive. When he first let everything out, you gave him a hug.

A hug.

A hug he so badly needed after all those years being isolated in the apocalypse.

At first he went rigid.

His body froze.

But when he felt you not letting go at all on the hug he decided to hug back; he needed this and he knew deep down, whether Dolores was there when he hugged her, she never hugged back. So feeling finally hands around him not going to kill him but to give him affection; it slipped his mind. Five zones back to the present and unlock the door that he was standing in front of for a while. He opened his apartment house and the smell of food welcomed him in. He looked around and saw your shoes on the side where he would normally see them and your cat Shadow trotting to him and rubbing his head on his leg for pets. Five smiled and bent down and carefully held him and walked towards the kitchen. He peeked his head, knowing that you hate when Shadow is around the kitchen.

“Fives your home! How was work miele?”

You asked when you saw him in the corner of your eyes, while you were cooking the spaghetti. He chuckled and let Shadow down by the door so he wouldn't enter the kitchen. He walked to you and gave you a sweet kiss on the cheek and layed his head on your back while hugging you. You playfully rolled your eyes but let him be. Once you finished you put the food on two plates and served a bit of cat kibble for Shadow. Five helped you witht he food while you put the needy kitten’s food down on the floor for him to eat with you and Five. Five grabbed your hand and sat you down on your seat, he scooted your chair for you and you sent him a loving smile.

“Thank you my love, now let’s eat.”

You lightly told him while starting to twirl your food. He knew this night would end like any other night; and he wouldn’t change it for the world. He was grateful for having you in his life. He thanked you for understanding in your own way how he coped in the beginning, he was also thankful for taking care of him when his nightmares will get the most out of him. He was deep in love with you and nothing will ever change that.

*******

When five took you with him to save his family you were a little scared. Not at them but at what they might say about you and what they will think of you. He did let you know about them, told you stories and the crazy things his siblings will come up with just to try to live like a normal child. Landing on the hard ground outside was not what you expected, not going to lie. When you looked at your husband, instead of looking at your 38 year old husband, you were now dead staring at what looked like your 20 year old husband. You scrambled back a bit, hoping this was just a dream. Your husband stood up and looked at you and then at himself since one of his brothers made a comment about your now younger husband. He walked towards you and held out his hand and let out his loving smile. You looked at his honey kissed eyes and slowly let out your hand towards him. He pulled you up and grabbed your hand tightly, knowing everything at the moment was overwhelming.

Five walked inside the house, you both ended in the kitchen. Five led you to a chair and sat you down carefully while he started walking around getting what you believe something to eat. He started grabbing bread then went to the fridge to get the peanut butter. You wanted to ask what he was making, but decided not to comment seeing as you were still surrounded by his siblings. One of his brothers; who you guessed was Luther since Five gave you a recap before heading back; started asking your husband question after question. As the two were discussing you looked at every sibling; you guessed Luther, so the one next to him strapped with knives had to be Diego. The one sitting close to you on the table had to be the talking ghost one, which was Klaus, the one with blonde tips looked like Allison and the last timid girl had to be Vanya.

You knew Vanya, Klaus and Ben were Five’s siblings that he was able to socialize with. Knowing Five if he liked them, that means you’ll also get along with them. You didn’t notice you zoned out the whole conversation, Five walked away from the kitchen leaving you alone with his family.

“So who are you?”

Luther asked you, it felt more like he was interrogating you, if you were being honest. You gulped and fiddled with your rings that seem to fit a little loose now.

“I’m Y/N Hargreeves, nice to meet you all, Five talked about all of you guys.”

You said sincerely, because it was the truth; Five could look like a tough and cold person, but inside all of that was just a young man that missed his family and wanted them to be safe. He sacrificed so much just to see them alive. His siblings looked at you confused. Oh right, you doubt Five ever told them you both were married.

“I’m Five’s wife.”

Those were the only words you told them. There eyes widen and all had different expressions. Who wouldn’t, knowing your brother disappear one day and the next he comes with a wife would also shock any other person. Five did ended coing back and grabbing your hand and pulled you slowly so you can get up.

“Come on hun, lets go change.”

You nodded your head and waved to your now siblings in law. Five took you to his room and closed the door and leaned on it once you were inside and sitting on his bed. You didn’t know if he was upset because you told his siblings about your relationship. You wanted to ask, but were scared of the answer he will give you. You heard him sigh and turn to you. He gave you a weak smile and slowly walked towards you and bent down just a bit to reach you. He grabbed your chin with enough force to not hurt you, but to make you stare at him in his striking chartreuse eyes. He leaned down towards you, lips ghosting your own lips. You shakingly let out a soft breath and that's what made him snap and give you a passionate kiss. A kiss showing so much love and adoration, so much lust and need. All at the same time.

It was what you both needed. You wanted more, but you knew that right now was not the time for all this. You slowly leaned back not wanting to break away but needing to. You gulped and shakingly kept looking at his now dark bottle green eyes.

“Five my love, we have a job to do, remember?”

You quietly told him, not wanting to break the quietness. He leaned back a bit and nodded his head, knowing you were right. He slowly exhaled and looked at you, your plump pink lips and hazy eyes, your daze looking face. Five knew he was fucked when you had that look.

“Come- come on we… we uhh have a funeral to go to.”

He stuttered and you knew why.

*****

When Five told you to go back with Klaus and Luther and vote for him about his mom; you had this horrible gut feeling you were feeling. You didn’t know why but you felt like something was going to happen. You knew you should have told Five; but you decided against it. You sat next to Klaus, he decided that you were his second favorite person and gratefully shared his chips that he ‘totally’ didn’t steal from the store 10 minutes ago. You thank him for the snack and listen in on the conversation.

“I mean, do you really think Mom would hurt Dad?”

Vanya quietly told everyone. In your mind she did have a point. Their robotic mother didn’t look like she could kill anyone, but then again you have never interacted with the mother.

“You haven't been home in a long time, Vanya.”

Diego said harshly to Vanya. You were about to intervine to defend one of your sister-in laws when Luther was the one that interrupted.

“If he was poisoned, it would have shown in the coroner's report.”

Luther said while pointing at the old television that was showing the robotic mother giving your father-in-law tea and then waiting for him to drink for her to take the cup away from him. Right when he does drink he starts choking and shaking. You didnt know if you should say something at this point. You did zone out the family until they said your husband’s name.

“What? Five's not here.”

You looked at the siblings since technically you were going to be Five’s vote. This time you did speak up because if you didn’t you knew the family won’t ever let you say something.

“Um… actually Fives told me to vote for him?”

You questioned more than asked. The siblings looked at you, forgetting you were there for a minute. They all looked at each other and three of them agreed to what you said, but the other two didn’t. You didn’t know why Five really thought this was a good idea. You didn’t see the point in being here if they didn’t want your opinion at all or what you thought.

“Sorry, but you don’t count for Five at all.”

Luther told you agressively. Your eyes slightly widened and you gulped; you slowly nodded your head and muttered a small ‘okay’ and just decided to stand up and walk away. You shakily sighed and repeated the same mantra in your head. ‘It’s okay, it’s fine.’ You don’t know what else you could of done. You’re trying to get to know and get along with all the siblings but it feels like nothing is working at all. You walked to Fives room and gently closed the door. You had your back to the door and you slowly leaned on it and slowly lowered yourself to the ground. You grabbed your knees and just layed your head on them while waiting for Five to at least come back. You must of dooze off because the next thing you hear is gunshots.

You jump startled and get out of the room looking for the siblings. Even though you knew they probably didn’t see you as family, they were to you. You slowly walked to where you heard the gunshots and looked around to see if you could spot any of the siblings. You noticed Klaus walking around, more like dancing in just a towel and some headphones. You were just about to tap his shoulder when everything went dark.

************

You woke up in pain. You hissed feeling like your head was pounding louder and louder. You tried to hold your head, but something was holding you back. You fluttered your eyes and tried to make them adjust to the lightning of the room you were being captive. You heard groans of pain and looked next to you. There Klaus was being tortured by Hazel and Cha-Cha. At the moment they were choking him, but it looked to you like he was enjoying it. ‘Please Klaus I hope you say nothing about Five’ you thought.

******* Five’s point of view *********

I got out of the van seeing as Lance was walking his dog gave me a good opportunity to maybe get the actual information out of him. I did miss Y/N though, maybe sending her to the academy was a bad idea. I shook my head knowing she probably was better over there knowing my siblings were at least capable of taking care of her, well I hope they were. I spatial jumped to the car and put a knife at Lance’s neck. After threathing himinto giving me the information for the eye he finally starts taking me to the lab. Walking to the lab with Lance,I started to smell smoke. Running to the lab knowing I might not have a chance to see the results. I made it to the lab and was about to run inside it when it exploded.

I fell back and landed hard on the ground. I groaned and looked at the lab that just exploded. Fucking hell now what teh hell am I going to do. I got up and walked back to the van and grabbed the liquor bottles I stole and walked to a library. I walked to the third floor and sat down by some pillars and started working on anything I could do to stop this stupid apocalypse.

********

****Y/N’s point of view****

“Remember section 76, sub A, of the training manual?”

You heard Cha-Cha ask Hazel once you woke up from when they knocked you out unconscious again.

“I barely remember what we had for breakfast at this point.”

He replied back to her. You sighed.

“To paraphrase, torturing works best when you know who you’re torturing.”

You froze, they were either going to torture, you to know where your husband was or they were going to torture Klaus for the information. Hazel and Cha-Cha walked infront of both of you guys and looked at each other and then you. You started to slowly panic, scared of what they could do to you.

“Let’s begin with the wife.”

You let out an ear-splitting scream, as they started electricuting you.

*****

**** third point of view****

While Y/N was being tortured, Five was being taken by Luther and Diego. They were both walking to Diego’s place since it was closer and no one would look for Five there. Once getting to Diego’s place they both started thinking of Y/N. When they went to Five’s room to let Y/N know that they were going to look for Five, you were gone. They both panic knowing that if Five ever found out Y/N wasn’t with them at all he will kill them. They layed Five on the bed and thougth about how to find you; until Al let Diego Know that they found his brother and his sister in law.

**** second POV****

When you and Klaus finally escaped, you both kind of went your own way, mostly because you were too dizzy and kept limping and stumbling. Diego later found you and helped you to his house. Five and Luther didn’t know that Diego found you. They told Five about you and he went hysterical. He wanted to be strong in front of Luther; but it was you. You are his wife, his life long best friend. He let out tears of pain and worry. When you both made it to Diego’s house; Five was the first to see you and jumped to you. He cried on your shoulder.

“I’m sorry, I'm sorry. I shouldn’t have left you, I shouldn’t have told you to go back to the house. Miele I'm sorry I love you so much. This won't ever happen again I promise.”

Five whimpered to your ear. He was in so much guilt. He knew he would never let this happen to you.

#five hargreaves x reader #five hargreeves #five x y/n #number five #five hargreaves #five umbrella academy #five x reader #mekochan #mekochansblog #tua #number five hargreeves #tua five #five x you #the umbrella academy season 1 3 #the umbrella academy season 3 #tua netflix

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nyctophiliq · 1 year ago

Text

✮ ┆ THE IDEAL ART INSIDE YOU. ellie w. (the last of us)

— “at one point, everyone hated themselves.”

description. everyone experiences art block once in a while, ellie just deals with it differently

content warnings. MDNI, nsfw content, female bodied reader, art student! ellie, light bondage, ellie is a little rough, light bondage, she also fucks reader with a sharpie, oh and she draws with said sharpie on reader, so basically marking?, possessive & control freak! ellie, wc 1,67k author’s notes. you read the warnings? still here? hope you enjoy, you freak >:) pls reblogs are very very much appriciated

ellie who’s fountain of inspiration seemed to never dry up whenever she looked at you, or just thought about a glimpse of you. but as every artist, ellie too hits a rock bottom every once in a while and she just suffers from her art because she hasn’t yet figured out a way to suffer through it.

“my favorite piece of art that I don’t keep fucking up.“ she groans as her left hand comes to catch your throat, fingers clasping around your neck not at all lovingly but ferociously, her other hand palming your forehead while also managing to force your eyes open with her thumb and index finger. even if you wanted to fight back, there was no use for it. one of her wet cloths, the one that is covered in paint because she wipes her face and hands with it after a session in front of her paper is now wrapped around your wrist, tying them behind your back as she forces your legs apart with her knees, spreading them apart to reveal all of that is you, eyes spitefully wandering your nude body.

oh, how she hated you in these moments, when her art seemed to be nothing just a piece of painting that a child did with its fingers, spreading condiments around its plate and you were the mom who couldn’t help but praise her child, clip that god awful ‘painting’ on the fridge and call it a ‘future picasso’. it’s a disgrace to all the incredible painters before her, the ones who have sweat blood for their art not to be called a silly thing, be frowned upon, and to be taken seriously because sometimes words just weren’t enough. you seemed so perfect, your eyes, your lips, your face, your chest, your stomach, your legs, your everything- how could she ever create art as beautiful and magnificent as you?

she couldn’t let that situation to eat her alive, to consume her from the inside out, for it to own her because in the end it was her who owned it, owned you. the aspect, all the things she had admired, and she called you her muse- she made you who you are today just like god made angels to be so perfect, she is the god who birthed you, casted you in stone and made the land worship you as it’s protector.

“you’re mine, you hear me?” she yells, her spit spurting on your face and she pushes your head further into the mattress, her fingers pushing so hard on your skull she might just claw your eyes out. “I created all that you’re, sculpted you to be so ideal.” she rambles, shifting further between your legs, prying them open with so much force your hip start to burn and little sobs ball up in your throat from the discomfort.

ellie gives you a repulsed look as your lips agape, choking on your words, writhing from the same anguishing feeling of not knowing what to do. it truly turns her stomach, your uncertainty as you lie there, your eyes bulging from fear of what is gonna happen next. but your pupils tell a different story to her, that the way parts of your body is reacting goes against each other, and where your legs meet with your hips- it’s almost impossible to overlook the heat that is radiating.

“i own all the rights to you, everything that they see is my talent sacrificed.” she follows up, letting go of your head and reaching into the back pocket of her khaki shorts, and pulls a sharpie out. there isn’t a second that passed between her pulling it out and biting the cap off before she starts scribbling away on the skin that covers the middle of your chest.

the brush of the pen tickles your nerves, jolts running up and down your spine like a horde of wildlife fleeing after a gun shot, your back arching with each stroke she makes. your skin like paper trembling under her touch, but she is too busy to notice. your eyes roll to the back of your head, closing as you relish in the sensation. the ink staining your skin, her touch softening around your neck, the pads of her fingers ghosting over it, a small smile gracing her lips as she moves from your sternum to the top of your breast.

your mouth falls open at her touch, your hips swaying slightly against her knees as she continues to work. her voice hoarse as she speaks, “this will be mine, my masterpiece,” she says, swallowing hard. “mine…” she mumbles, her voice trailing off. she works in silence for what seems like hours, the only noise being your labored breathing and a soft scratching sound from her pen. your eyelids flutter slowly, the darkness encroaching on your until all you can see are stars floating through the room. you are falling into nothing, nothingness.

she switched sides sometimes ago, but you hardly noticed until she pulls away from both your chest and neck, your eyes snapping open as her hand comes to rest on your waist. her tongue darts out to wet her lips, her body tensing slightly. “yes…” she whispers, before biting her lips, pushing her tongue against the teeth that is peaking above. your gaze follows hers until you find yourself staring right into her eyes, their irises so dark they look black.

“mine… I own this body, I own this life… this was always supposed to happen.” she laughs then, dark, and wicked, her words dripping with confidence as she runs her finger along whatever she wrote or drawn on you. “you should see… you should see but where should i-“ she cuts herself off, a puzzled look washing across her features as she tries to find the handheld mirror, simultaneously searching for a place to put the sharpie because she is gonna need it again, she just needs you to see her signature first.

she laughs as she thinks of it, deep and rumbling before she teases your folds with the handle part of the sharpie, collecting all that have been dripping from you the minute your bare skin was exposed to the cool room’s air. you let out a gasp as it slides inside you, a gasp that becomes a whine as she keeps going. you feel tears gather in your eyes as she just leaves it there, unattended and stuck in one place.

“here! see for yourself, see it! tell me what do you think?” manic, that’s how she sounds now, absolutely out of her mind as the sweat starts to glow on her face. she grips the handheld mirror, her hard grip visible as she holds it up above you, giving you the perfect look at yourself.

her signature, all over your chest. ellie williams. ellie williams. ellie williams. ellie williams.

ellie’s face contorts with frustration at your silence, “do i need to coax an answer out of you? come on, give me an answer!” she grits her teeth, her other hand coming to take a hold of the sharpie in you. she moves it back and forth, painfully slow until you manage an answer out, your voice sounding so small you almost believe you imagined it.

“I love it, I love it, I love it!” you laugh weakly when you feel her speed up at your words, her face getting redder and redder. she chuckles softly before she brings the mirror closer to you, angling it so you get a better view of your nakedness and the way your cunt practically sucks the sharpie in.

she looks at you as if you are a prize, as if the mirror has finally captured the image that she desired for so long. ‘I won’, her expression proclaims proudly, her grin wide as the room fills with the sounds of the drenched pen fucking your walls. you wince at some spots, a little more sensitive, but her gaze remains steady on yours, never breaking contact. you try to speak, to say something ,anything, but your throat feels tight, your breath short as she discards the mirror, the soft pad of her thumb rubbing circles on the fleshy parts between your thighs.

you whimper quietly, a moan building up in your throat. you could cry if you wanted to, a hot flood threatening to erupt from your body, begging to be released. you bite your lips, your legs tremble, your nails digging into the bedsheets under you as your vision goes blurry. you blink furiously, trying to refocus. she moves to your clit, circling it with her thumb as your entire body tenses. the slick wetness coats her fingertips as she gives you the few last pushes you need to end up on the other side, for the bliss of your climax whiten your vision and everything that she is.

ellie watches you, excitedly, with a fire burning in her eyes that has never burned before. she looks sick, she feels sick, but in the best way possible as you writhe against her hand, trying to get away from the sharpie that is still residing between your clamping walls. she can see the bigger picture now, the light burning on your skin and the dark in that covers your torso, the overwhelming feeling of coming undone, and her ownership over everything that had occurred. she smiles to herself, proud of her accomplishment, but also anxious to finally begin her next piece.

“just one final detail…” it came quietly, murmured from between her lips as she pulls the sharpie from your, flipping in while her free hand comes to push down on your hip bone. you don’t need to guess, you already know what she’s gonna write, it’s predictable from the expression of her face. twisted grin, with flushed cheeks that are not at all red from embarrassment but rather overcome with pure pride, joy, and glee.

ellie williams was in here.

#📗 — written by moss !#ellie williams x reader #ellie williams imagine #tlou ellie x reader #ellie williams the last of us #ellie x reader #ellie williams smut #tlou ellie #tlou x reader #tlou x reader smut #tlou ellie williams x reader #tlou ellie williams x reader smut #tlou ellie x reader smut #ellie williams x you #tlou ellie williams #ellie williams x fem reader smut #ellie williams x fem reader #ellie williams x reader smut #ellie williams x female reader

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stylespresleyhearted · 2 months ago

Text

CCG — NEW BEGINNINGS

masterlist can be found here

note: @blainesebastian only has herself to blame for allowing me to spiral in the dm’s. dad! austin blurb all the way at the bottom based on ccg universe hope you don’t mind mccall. 😭🥹🫶🏻

hollywoodreporter Divorce rumors continue to swirl as Austin Butler is spotted catching a Broadway play with younger actress Kaia Gerber.

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butlerfam This means nothing. He is allowed to have female friends.

fan13 I’m scared but it might be true even @jillian.mua unfollowed him

butlerfam She unfollowed everyone who didn’t follow her back not just him.

hater101 i always knew she wasn’t the one for him lmaooo good for you austin! kaia is way prettier!

ccgupdates We don’t know anything and we should focus on being respectful, for their sake and especially Luci’s.

people Austin Butler and @coffeegirl spotted running errands in Los Angeles separately. Despite them being in the same city no photos of the two of them have been captured and divorce rumors continue building. This marks the first time she is spotted publicly in two months. Their reps refused to comment.

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fan23 cmon @people be better than this. i expect this shit from dailymail but not ya’ll

user12 PSA: husbands and wives DO NOT have to do everything together.

hater101 okay but he had a date w a model ten years his junior who is way prettier lol they’re so over

fan12 Starting to believe it’s true because why wouldn’t they just deny the rumors?

fan13 she looks like she’s crying

fan24 yeah looks like it might be true … i’ll never forgive austin if it is she’s perfect for him and that means he left his family for a nepo baby

hater2 Finally I was tired of her using him for fame he is going to be so much better off with Kaia she actually is on his level

liked by ashleybee, coffeegirl, and 98267 others

austinbutler ✈️

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ashleybee Favorite girl always ❤️‍🔥

fan23 does this mean he got custody

fan13 THEY AREN’T DIVORCED 🙄

user11 lmao ok that’s why he’s all over kaia gerber and if they were still together he would have posted @coffeegirl too but he didn’t and he liked kaia’s recent ig post

fan13 yeah bc they’re friends thats it

user11 they were spotted hanging out alone again on deuxmoi’s sunday spotted

hater101 @coffeegirl he left you so now all you can do is like his posts 🤣

austinbutler has disabled comments

tmz BREAKING NEWS: @coffeegirl spotted with mystery man in New York City confirming divorce rumors with Austin Butler.

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hater101 lmaooo what a slut

butlerfam You’re ridiculous. You praise Austin for being seen with a model and bring her down for being seen with a friend.

user13 that doesn’t look like a friendly touch

fan43 I’m so disappointed. No photo of her for three months and when we finally do get one she’s with another man.

ccgupdates She’s been hiding from the public, she’s obviously going through something. And that’s a co-worker, Ronald, he’s worked with her on multiple projects.

user41 isn’t that guy ronald someone austin hates bc he’s always overly friendly w her??? and she allows this ???

liked by fan11, fan12, and 714 others

austinupdates At tonight’s screening Austin talked about how his daughter Luci changed his life positively in every way possible. He didn’t mention his wife.

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ccgupdates That last sentence is so unnecessary.

fan13 he usually always thanks her though

butlerfamily In the past seven months she’s only been seen publicly twice. It’s obvious she doesn’t want attention right now for some reason and maybe he’s respecting that.

fan13 what could possibly be the reason? why the 360 all of a sudden?

hater101 he left her and she can’t accept that

liked by hater1, hater2, and 59176 others

dailymail After a decade together it seems Austin and his wife have divorced. He is seen solo with their daughter, Luci, once again. It has been nine months since the couple have been photographed together and @coffeegirl has chosen to deal with it privately, according to sources as she has only been seen publicly twice this past year.

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fan14 I refuse to believe it until it comes directly from them.

ccgupdates That is not confirmation.

hater101 all these weirdos in denial still GTFO IT

user12 I am so heartbroken. I thought they were forever.

austinupdates All we can do now is respect their privacy and support them. I’m sure Luci remains their top priority.

jillian.mua You lot are ridiculous.

coffeegirl and austinbutler posted

austinbutler and coffeegirl I took some time for myself to ensure the safe arrival of our baby boy. Our family has never been happier than now for the next chapter in our lives.

I understand this can be hard for some to process. Sending you all love.

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ccgfan OH MY GOD IM SO HAPPY ??!! 🥹🥹❤️❤️ CONGRATS !

jillian.mua I beg you guys to never stop collaborating 🫶🏻

ashleytisdale LOL YES! Love you guys!

ashleybee Having you in Arizona while you were growing the little bean was magical. We miss you already. I love you guys, thank you for making me an auntie again. I’m proud of you, Austin, and I see Mom in those little angels. 🪽

austinbutler I love you Ash ❤️

coffeegirl All your love and support was essential, thank you. Luci and baby boy are begging to call tonight.

tomhardy Congratulations 🎉❤️

florencepugh Going to do another movie with you for some more baby time 👀💗

jodiecomer Fuck yes, so much love ❣️

pollybennett So happy for your family! Real ones always knew the thought of you divorcing was absurd 😉

~ comment liked by austinbutler and 17891 others

butlerfamily I knew it was all bullshit. Their love is true. They’ve stated they only wanted one child previously so I wonder if this was a surprise or plan, but whatever it was, I’m so happy for their family.

coffeegirl Surprise LOL 😂🫶🏻 but we appreciate the constant support from your page. We see your love ❤️

blainesebastian HAHA take that haters!!

She lays her feet on his lap, head thrown back in exhaustion and finally content to have some relief. She’d been swelling all day and her skin felt tight.

“What bullshit,” Austin says, pausing his ministrations to glare at the TV. She wiggles her toes to get him to continue, sighing contently when he does so.

She thinks of the past year and the rumors that have swirled. At first it began small as fandom drama and as time went on media outlets began to pick up on her absence as well. She and Austin were aware that there’d be some push back but it never occurred to her the length people would go to proving they weren’t together and had both seemingly moved on.

Arizona had been her safe haven. She was thankful for Ashley being willing to watch Luci at any time, for Austin’s grandparents who cooked her favorite foods every single day, and his father and step-mom who bought her body pillows and slippers and anything she may need to feel better.

She thinks of Austin and what he must have had to face bouncing back and forth between Los Angeles and New York and Arizona to keep her happy and relaxed. She hadn’t faced the paparazzi or the fans but he had multiple times and he remained patient and understanding of her needing to grow their baby away from the public eye.

Peeking an eye open, she finds him still glaring at the TV. She’s unsure why they’re even watching but she’s too lazy to reach for the control. He’s got on his grey sweatpants, soft against the skin of her legs, and white T-Shirt with his thin gold chain. She smiles, feeling love and gratitude and disbelief swell in her chest that this was her life, this wonderful man was her husband, and they were going to welcome another baby together.

It may not have been planned but it was a happy occasion all the same.

She sits up, planting a big kiss against his cheek. Austin turns, eyes crinkled with his smile.

“What was that for?” He plants his own kiss on her forehead.

She shrugs, “Just felt like it.” Her eyes are welling with tears and she’s sure if she begins expressing her gratitude to him the waterworks would fall. She hopes he knows though, hopes he can feel it radiating off her.

She thinks he must, because he pulls her in closer with an arm around her shoulder, tucking her face into his neck. She presses another kiss to his collarbone as he places his other hand against her belly. Immediately there’s a kick.

She grunts. “He always knows when it’s you.” When Austin had to travel it’s like their baby boy knew and he wasn’t happy, he’d begin spinning and fluttering in what she assumed was his version of a tantrum.

“Mom-eeee.” Luci joins them, pointing to the TV where her face is gracing them. She grimaces at the photo chosen and Austin laughs, kissing her hair. “Say hi to brother.” Luci falls to her mom’s lap to press a kiss on the belly, right above Austin’s hand, and begins mumbling secrets. She feels more fluttering in her belly and by Austin’s smile she’s sure he felt it too.

“I love you.” She says, peering up to him. He hums, leaning down to steal a kiss.

#austin butler fanfiction #austin butler instagram #austin butler instagram edit #dad! austin #austin butler #austin butler x reader #ccg #masterlist #*made by me

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idcbabyialreadylostmymind · 2 years ago

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L'appel du Vide pt.2

Pairing- Sully family x Sully!reader

Summary- You and your mother kept a secret about your self harm but how long can you keep it?

Pt.1 pt.2 pt.3

Warnings- depictions of self harm, self harm, crying, cussing

A/N- I might make a pt.3 idk yet

It had been two weeks since your mother saw you at your lowest, and everytime she looks at you like your gonna hurt yourself, you wish you could go back in time before all this happened. And every night and hour after Eclipse she comes into your room and checks on you she thinks you don't know but you do. But she hasn't told your father and you thank Eywa for that. But the tension between you and your mother certainly hasn't gone unnoticed.

But now everything was so much you were in the ground searching for your balde your mother threw across the room and you found it. You took a deep breath and put it into your bag and run to the beach we're Amhel was tied up.

Your father told you that you couldn't ride Amhel anymore but you needed space from everything even from yourself. You made it to some small remote island and sat down and took a deep breath and every emotion you've shoved out or pushed away flooded right back in. You brought the blade and rushed it across the skin of your wrist doing it multiple ways until you couldn't anymore. You out the balde back in your bag and lean into Amhel and look up at the stars.

It was an two hours past eclipse, your eyes open and Amhel chirps. You must have fallen asleep, "Shit." You whisper to yourself as you get into Amhel and rush back home. Meanwhile, you mother was searching around frantically. "Neytiri it's going to be okay." Jake was worried and the way your mother looked made his worry worsen. "No it isn't Ma Jake you don't kno-" cut off by the sound of Amhel's wings getting closer she rushes towards the beach and she looks at you searching for an injury on your body. She grabs your wrist and you wince and she tilts her head and clenches her jaw.

"Y/N where were yo-" before he could do his old school dad scolding Neytiri spoke harshly. "House now." You bite back your tongue as you walked home in your head repeating. "Stupid stupid stupid."

When you made it you didn't see your siblings. "Y/N te Suli Neytiri'ite." Your mother spoke making shivers run down your back. "What." You say just wanting to go to your room now she was taken back by how harsh your voice was. "Where were you?" She asked your father finally made it in and looked at your deadpanned expression and your mother's face that showed anger with a hint of sadness. "No where important obviously." You say sitting your bag down and Neytiri grabbed it making you rush towards it. "Hey!" Jake said in a deep loud voice. You look at your mother still no expression. "Now we're were you." He asked this time voice softer. "Just some island." You say sitting down.

"What did you do Y/N?" Neytiri asked clenching the bag. "None of your business now give me my bag." You felt cornered your defense mechanisms came up. "What's in the bag Y/N?" Neytiri asked Jake stood there way watching his wife and his daughter have some argument about something he knows nothing about. "Nothings in the bag how would you feel if I took your bow and held from you now give me my god damn bag." You felt as if a million eyes were on you. Neytiri shook her head and opened your bag and threw stuff out until she saw what she feared.

She looked at you, you had a hateful expression on your face. "Really." She said and all you did was wipe your now tear stained face. "Give it back." You say. Jake was still confused. "What is going on with you two it's like you two have something going on now what is it." He said but your eyes never left your mother she gave him the blade as tears fell from her eyes. "She's been harming herself." The words left your mom and it felt as if you had been stabbed in the back your transparent eyebrows furrowed as you turned away from your parents.

Jake looked at you the way you hid your wrist and he sat the balde down, and then it was as if it all clicked together all the excuses to why you have cuts all over yourself you caused them to yourself and he was to blind to see it, to blind to see his babygirl was hurting. "Oh babygirl no." He said you hear the painful emotions in his voice. "You don't have to do that we understand-"

"No you don't you don't understand me you don't understand how I feel like I'm just someone living another person's life, how I feel like my family isn't my family, how I feel like I'm already dead you don't understand shit now give me my shit back." You hiss at your father who only looked at you with tears in his eyes. "And stop looking at me like that!" You yell and your mother jumped back.

"Sweetheart it's okay it's okay." He's words made you dig your fingers into your arm. He saw and hugged you. "You don't have to hurt yourself any more you angry hurt me hit me kick me do anything but don't hurt yourself anymore, your my baby girl." Your arms clamped around him as you cry into his chest, like you were a little kid and that how you felt like a little kid who only wants her daddy and mama to hold her and tell her everything is going to be alright. But was it really?

Tags- @ellabellabus07 @isnt-itstrange

#avatar 2 #avatar 2022 #avatar 2009 #avatar #avatar way of water #awotw x reader #awotw #avatar x reader fluff #avatar angst #avatar x you #avatar x y/n #avatar x reader #sully family x reader #sully family #avatar x sully!reader #sully!reader

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ist4rgirlo · 1 year ago

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─ 𝐚𝐟𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐲𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐞𝐧𝐞𝐝 - 𝐜.𝐟 : 𝐕𝐈

Summary: Now that your life has turned upside down, are you still willing to put your siblings' feelings first? Or would you rather fight for your feelings and do what makes you happy regardless of the consequences that might result in the future?

Prev ; Next || Conrad Fisher x fem!reader || My blog

Warnings: S2 SPOILERS! swearing, yelling, fluff, crying (lmk if i missed anything!)

SEQUEL TO BEFORE EVERYTHING HAPPENED

───────────────────────────

Y/N's Pov

After sleeping on that hill we all decided to immediately go back to the house but it was too late. The house was sold, Skye tried to talk to their mom but nothing happened. Nothing changed Aunt Julia's decision. She took everyone's keys too, but somehow we were still here, inside the beach house.

"I'm sorry, I tried to call off the deal" we heard Skye say - walking inside the kitchen. "It's okay, it wasn't your fault" Conrad said, playing with his keys. "Yeah, no one's mad at you, Skye" Jeremiah said, side hugging them.

Steven sighed "So are we going home now?" he asked. We all looked at Conrad, it was obvious that we are relying on him at this point - we didn't know what to do too. Conrad nodded "Yeah, It's over" he said - looking at me. I reached for his hand that was in the counter and held it.

Belly hopped down from the counter "Hey no, it's not over at all. Our-our last memory can't be like this. This place deserves a better goodbye" Conrad looked at her "Well like what?" he asked, Belly looked at me smiling - I immediately knew what she was talking about.

"My mom came to the beach house with Susannah for the first time after her dad died. It was supposed to be just her and Susannah but Susannah hated how empty the house felt, so she decided to throw a huge party.. everyone was dancing, drinking, they went swimming at the end of the night" I explained - smiling, thinking about how much fun it sounded like, how much fun Susannah and Laurel had that night. I looked at all them — they were all smiling, liking the thought of having that as our last memory of the house.

Conrad hummed, smiling down at me - his hold on my hand tightening. "So we should throw a party too!" Belly suggested. I nodded "I'm a hundred percent in" I said leaning on Conrad's shoulder. Jeremiah agreed along with Taylor and Steven. Cam and Skye agreed too. "You in?" Cam asked Conrad "I think that's what exactly my mom would’ve wanted. She'd love it" he said smiling - his head leaning on top of my head. Belly clapped "Okay! everybody, shower, power nap, and then I'm putting you to work!"

TIME SKIP

"Hey, you wanna go on a supply run with me?" Conrad asked, raking his hands through my hair. I nodded and smiled, he offered a hand helping me hop out of the counter.

"Where are you guys going?" we heard Belly ask — she was walking towards ul, her hair and clothes still wet, Jeremiah beside her. "Just going on a supply run for the party." I replied, smiling. I saw her eyes look between us, looking at mine and Conrad’s hands. I immediately pulled my hand away, Conrad felt it so he looked at me confused. "We'll come!" Jeremiah said before going inside the house to clean up — Belly behind him.

"Are you okay?" Conrad asked - his eyes filled with worry. I nodded, "I'm supposed to be the one asking you that" I laughed looking at him. He shrugged "Its just.. you looked down and you just pulled away from me like that" his voice concerned. I shook my head "I'm sorry, it just felt awkward and I didn't know if us holding hands would really be the right thing to do knowing that you and Bell-" — "Hey, hey. It’s okay, don’t need to explain youself alright? Just tell me if you’re uncomfortable, just let me know. I got you yeah?." Conrad said, turning me to face him gently. I nodded — looking down, trying to put the pain, the guilt aside.

I felt guilty, doing this with Conrad, being this close with Conrad. It seemed wrong, but it just felt right. Every hug, every time we hold hands, it felt so right, it felt like we were the right fit. It was like a puzzle, he was like my missing piece.

He took my hand again, pulling me — as we walk towards his car. I sat on the passenger’s seat beside Conrad and Jeremiah & Belly were at the backseat. We decided to go get some drinks first before buying decorations and costumes for the party.

At first Conrad tried with his fake i.d but it didn’t work — he thought it would but he was well known here, then Jeremiah said he would try, telling us that he’s really good friends with the cashier but that didn’t help at all. Surprisingly, Belly got us the drinks, we don’t know why but she definitely did.

“Got this for you, Jere. This one’s for you, Y/N” Belly said, handing out slurpee’s that she got. Jeremiah took a sip “Cherry and coke?” Belly nodded smiling at him — Jeremiah smiled back “You know me so well” patting Belly’s head.

As I was sipping mine, I saw Conrad’s hand wrap around the cup of my slushee — taking a sip of it, I slapped his hand gently “I thought you didn’t like it? you said it was too sugary. Pretty sure you’d choose cocoa rather than that” Belly asked smiling. “Yeah it is sugary, but i’m thirsty so” Conrad said shrugging, before going back to putting the drinks inside the trunk.

I may be overthinking it, but there seems to be some tension there. I did not want to assume anything, but it seems like the cocoa might symbolize something else. I am confused, but am I really interested in knowing the answer? I do not think so.

I just looked at them before going inside the passenger seat. They all followed and then we drove off to party city. As we arrived, we all went to get our own carts and started to get some things that we will need later for the party.

AFTER A WHILE

"Jere, you know where Belly and Conrad went?" I asked, he shrugged shaking his head no, I nodded - walking away to look for Belly.

In the process of walking down the aisles, I heard Belly say "I just wanted to let you know that I didn't regret anything that happened that night" She was just at the aisle beside me, so I decided to go see what she was up to. The moment I arrived, I noticed Jeremiah standing at the end of the aisle - I walked up to him and saw Conrad and Belly.

Jeremiah cleared his throat, making Belly and Conrad's turn to us - seeing me beside Jeremiah. Conrad eyes locked with mine, dropping the tiara that he was holding. "Are you guys finished?" I asked, breaking the tension. After receiving a nod from Conrad and Belly, I walked toward the nearest cashier, leaving them behind.

As the car ride was awkward, we did not really talk or anything, and most of us just took naps, except for Conrad who drove. As soon as we reached the house, we decided to set up the decorations. After that, we went about our own plans and got dressed for the party.

───────────────────────────

As I was doing my makeup, I saw Steven come in my bathroom. "Hey sis" he said smiling - walking towards me. He pulled a chair and sat beside me. I turned to him, "Hey Steve" I replied - smiling.

"Something wrong? why weren't you getting ready with Belly and Tay tay?" he asked - his voice confused, his brows furrowed. I just shrugged, "It’s okay, things just got awkward earlier when we went out and I just heard something that made me overthink things" I saw Steven's mouth frown, not liking seeing me like this.

"Is it about Belly? cause you know I can talk to her if it was her. You know I got you right?" he said, leaning his head on my shoulder. I stopped what I was doing and smiled - leaning my head on top of his. "It's okay, Steve. Her and Conrad were just talking about something that probably happened last year. I'm just overthinking things, thank you though." I felt him nod, "Well what about you and Conrad, how are you?"

I looked at Steven through the mirror, "I ask myself the same question. I really don’t know exactly what is going on between us.” I shook my head “It still kind of confuses me, you know? but I totally understand like he's stressing about the house situation plus he's my sister's ex so he’s probably confused about what he’s doing right now too. I understand, there’s no need to rush thing." I smiled gently, Steven continued to frown.

He went and lifted up his head from my shoulder, pulling my chair sideways, turning me to him. "Alright but please, Y/N. Choose yourself yeah? I know that him and Belly had a past, we all know that but follow what your heart wants. Who cares? If she get’s to be happy then you get to be happy too." he said, smiling at me.

I'm pretty sure what Steven said was right. It was my time to be happy, it was my time to choose myself. I love them, I truly love my siblings but sometimes I need to do things for me too, things that I know that’ll make me happy. Maybe I'll talk to Belly tonight, just maybe.

TIME SKIP

Here we are skating with dressed in our 90's clothes. We're all probably a little drunk by now, but I am having so much fun! I saw people that I haven't seen for such a long time like Nicole and all the girls — it was honestly really good to catch up to them.

As of now, we were watching Steven and Taylor dance this routine that they have - turns out it was something Taylor came up with when she was kid that she taught Steven on a random day back then, they would always do this routine just to entertain everyone. "Let's go, Steve-o" we all yelled, cheering them on. After a while, their little dance ended.

"Taylor?" we heard, it was Milo — Taylor's boyfriend. We saw Steven walk towards Milo "You should go" Steven said, pushing Milo gently. "I don't think thats up to you" Milo said shaking his head puffing his chest out — Taylor walked beside Milo, pulling his hand gently. "Can we just go outside?" she pleaded — not wanting Milo to embarrass her infront of a lot of people.

"She doesn't even want you here" Steven yelled at Milo. I went up beside Steven, trying to pull him away but he just pushed my hand away. "Stop it, Steven" Taylor said to Steven, Milo looked at Steven up and down, scoffing "Oh trust me, she wants me. Everywhere, all. the. time" he said, pissing Steven off. "Can you not do that right now?" Taylor pleaded. Steven pushed Milo aggressively. All the people around us stopped dancing, turning their attentions to Milo and Steven.

"Stev-" I said, trying to pull Steven away but failed. "Babe this is for you" Milo said to Taylor before swinging a punch that Steven managed do dodge, Steven threw one back but it didn’t really hit Milo like how he wanted to. I just shook my head and went to the side to watch what’s going to happen.

"Kick his ass, Steve" I heard Conrad and Jeremiah say, I went up to them smacking them both lightly on the shoulder. As I was about to go the the kitchen, I saw Steven jump on Milo, which made me immediately run to him “Steven!" I said, pulling him — Belly and Taylor ran beside me to help me pull Steven off of Milo. I turned to Conrad and Jeremiah, seeing that they were just there, watching things unfold.

"Come on!" I yelled at both of them before attempting on pulling Steven again. Conrad and Jeremiah walked towards us, pulling Steven back "Get off me, get off me!" Steven yelled, pushing Conrad and Jeremiah's hand away. "Come on" Steven said to Milo, threatening him. As Milo was about to throw a kick, Taylor stopped him. "You're embarrassing me right now." she complained.

Milo scoffed "Man fuck this, come on Taylor. These people are too pedestrians for us." Milo shook his head, turning his back on Taylor. "These people are my friends. Do you even know me at all?" Taylor asked, her eyes squinting at Milo. Milo turned, facing Taylor "What are you talking about? you're my girl" Milo defended — raising his hands, Taylor scoffed "What's my middle name?" she asked, Milo couldn't say anything.

Taylor shook her head no "Yeah we're over" she said before walking away from the crowd. Steven sighed "It's Madison, her middle name is Madison" Steven said before following Taylor. I clapped, "Okay! nothing happened, go back to what y'all we're doing." I said, walking towards Jeremiah and Conrad, patting them.

───────────────────────────

Skye pulled all of us out of the party, we were now outside of the beach house "Okay so, i've been texting my mom all day and she was able to put a condition to the sale" they said smiling at us. "Since the buyers are just using this as a vacation home they agreed to let you rent the place for one week every summer." Skye explained.

"Oh my god? are you serious?" Belly said "We get to come back?" Jeremiah asked Skye, Skye nodded — smiling. I looked at Conrad, he wasn't pleased with any of this. Conrad shook his head, "You can tell your mom thanks but no" he said walking away. I sighed "Conrad just hear them out." I said, walking towards him grabbing his hand.

He shook his head no, "It's over". Jeremiah scoffed "Why are you the only one who gets to make this decision" he asked, squinting his eyes at Conrad. "Jere, we are not gonna pay another family to rent our house" Conrad said pointing at himself. Jeremiah walked towards him "This isn't our house anymore" Jeremiah said. Conrad nodded "Exactly, so let it go" he said looking at Jeremiah.

"Yeah cause you're an expert at that" Jeremiah said pointing at Conrad — gritting his teeth, I pushed him lightly "Jere, stop it", Jeremiah pushed my hand away gently "No, no. This is the shit he does, when things aren't perfect instead of trying to fix it, he just decides to throw it away." Jeremiah continued, blaming his brother more. I pushed him again "Jeremiah, you need to stop this. Just go inside" I said, he just scoffed, looking at me.

He said, "Yeah, side with him after he chose Belly instead of you" His tone was filled with anger. My eyes widened, seeing Belly's brow furrowing — confused by what Jeremiah had just said. I looked at Jeremiah, sighing "That was between us, Jeremiah. You don't get to say that here just because you're angry" — "What does he mean by that?" Belly said, her voice filled with confusion. I shook my head "Belly, please take Jere inside" I said, turning to Conrad and guiding him towards the back door.

TIME SKIP

Belly was nowhere to be found. When I asked Skye where Belly was, they simply replied that Belly went to get a drink and then went outside. Despite looking everywhere, upstairs, at the pool, I did not see her. So I decided to go to the beach, and there she was at the shore, with a beer in her hand.

"Belly" I called, I saw her shake her head "No, go away" she said. "It's cold here, let's go back inside" I said before walking towards her, pulling her hand gently, pulling her away from the shore "Let go!" she said, pushing my hand away.

I sighed, fixing her hair "Belly, you're drunk", Belly pushed my hand away before saying "What did Jeremiah mean about that? why would you do that Y/N?", I took a deep breathe, before answering her "I did it for you, Bells" I went and grabbed her gently, helping her to balance herself.

"I didn't need your help. You shouldn't have done that." Belly said, shaking her head "But I knew how much you liked him. I just had to give it to you" I explained, Belly scoffed "Don't you think that sounds unfair?" Belly squinted her eyes at me, my brows furrowed — shaking my head no "Come on you're drunk. You don't know what you are saying" I said, grabbing her again, pulling her gently.

In response to my request, Belly pulled my hand away again, "Stop treating me like a baby! Now that I know that you begged Conrad to choose me instead of you, it hurts me so much! For heavens sake, Y/N! Something has already happened between me and Conrad, okay? It was last Christmas, now how would you think I would feel now that I knew that half of him was yours at that time?" Belly exclaimed in a rage-filled voice. I shook my head no.

"Belly I-I didn't beg Conrad to choose you, I gave him the choice - the option. I gave him time! time to think about what he really wanted." I paused — biting my lip, trying to stop myself from breaking, feeling tears start to form in my eyes. "No one begged him and pushed him, Belly! He chose you because he wanted you! I-I know that, some-something beautiful happened between you and him but... I am so tired Belly, I am so tired of just letting things slip away. Just maybe, maybe this time, I can get what I want, because I truly want this. He's important to me, Belly" I explained - begged to Belly, tears falling down my face.

She just nodded, finally understanding where i’m coming from. She started to walk towards me, "I understand, I totally do and I apologize for getting angry with you last summer. Knowing that you did that to protect me and to make me happy, just makes me regret it - screaming at you and getting mad at you, but still i’m very thankful because you did that just to make me happy even if it hurts you” she walked closer to me, rubbing my shoulders “You're a great sister and I know that you know that, you just want to protect your siblings and I totally get that, but please don’t think that it’s always your responsibility to protect us, protect yourself too. No matter what happens, nothing will ruin our relationship, okay? It is important to me that you are happy as well, Y/N/N." she said, pulling me in a hug before pulling away - placing her hands on my cheeks. I nodded and smiled, pulling her again for a hug. After that we just stayed here for a while and chatted more.

───────────────────────────

Conrad’s Pov

I decided to go upstairs to my room after the encounter with Jeremiah. I know he was drunk, but what he said was outrageous, he could have just stopped right there. That was between him and Y/N, it wasn't meant to be said in that manner.

I saw Steven come in the room, I was sitting on the floor — he walked towards me, kneeling beside me sitting on the floor too. I felt Steven place a hand on my shoulder “You okay, man?” he asked. “Me and Jere got into a fight earlier. Belly and Y/N kind of got involved in it.” I said, looking down.

“What? why did you guys fight?” he asked, I shook my head “Just about the house, apparently they gave us a condition to the sale. The family who is renting here are just using this for family vacation so they allowed us to rent the place for one week every summer. Me and Jere got a misunderstanding about that and he basically just blew up complaining about me making all the decisions for our family” I explained to Steven, looking at him.

He sighed “So I’m guessing you don’t want that?” I shook my head “Hell no, I don’t want to pay another family just to rent this place. This is our house, Steve. I.. I just don’t know what to do anymore, I-I feel like I messed up big time” I said — my voice filled with panic, my chest tightened.

I felt Steven start to rub my back, trying to calm me as much as possible “Hey, it is not your fault, Connie. I understand you okay? I wouldn’t want to do the same thing, I totally get you.” I looked at him, nodding. I sighed, laying down on the floor — placing my hands at the back of my head. Steven did the same.

“I just never wanted it to come to this point. Jeremiah said something fucked up earlier, something that was supposed to stay between him and Y/N but I guess he was too mad that he just had to use Y/N to piss me off.” I explained to Steven. Steven turned to me “Is it about your decision?” of course Steven knew. He was the one who was there for Y/N during those times.

I nodded, “Look, Dude. I definitely understand you, I know it’s hard especially you had a past with Belly. I’m not saying that what you had with Belly doesn’t mean anything but do what your heart says, Connie — if Y/N makes you happy then go for it. You need to be happy too, you can always talk to Belly about it — if that’ll help you” Steven said, encouraging me.

“It just hurts, It hurts me to not be able to tell Y/N that I’m inlove with her. To not be able to tell her the truth, because everytime I touch her, everytime I see her, I always have this urge to tell her that I love her. But I’m too scared, Steve. To hurt her again, I just, I can’t let myself do that again. It’ll kill me to see her get hurt, especially if I was the reason” I said, reaching down in my pocket - fidgeting with the small box that contains the infinity ring.

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taglist : @maybankslover @urmomisafinewoman @user3729107491 @melllinaa @anthgoldenhrry @arunabrak @amj2277 @whoisalexa @remuslupinwifee @gulphulp @layanderson @astrvalee @goldenmoonbeam @podiumprincess @johannelis2302nely @silcintilla @smw-96 @apollo3475 @drikawinchester @fangirl-kimora @sanjanapm @milyswrld @scysuxx @starkeylover @fallingforel @mysticalstarlightflower @ifilwtmfc @allnrsnz @yeosxxx @elvishoe69 @be4tric3s @users09 @mirrorwalls1989 @sunflowers1610 @rubes26 @junnniiieee07 @multifandomreader73

here y’all go !! still kinda sick and i just got the time of the month so i’m sorry if it seems a little rushed :))

hope you guys like it !! lmk if you want to get tagged — for those who requested, i promise i’ll do them !! just finding time to do them, thank you for the love and for understanding <;3

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naomiwritesbooks · 5 months ago

Text

How to get better at writing dialogue

1. USE TAGS SPARINGLY!

Tags are often at the end of a dialogue and can be seen as; she said, she shouted, he grumbled, or they muttered. Now, there is nothing wrong with tags; the problem comes with using them too often. When I first started writing, I would use a tag for every little bit of dialogue. This can become repetitive for your reader, a sign that you're a beginner at writing.

2. USE DESCRIPTION

Instead of using she said, in every instance, use a description after the dialogue referring to the character speaking. For example,

Instead of:

“I already told you I didn't move your damned wallet,” I said.

TRY:

“I already told you I didn't move your damned wallet.” My face screwed up as I walked away. I can't believe he would accuse me. Was he not my best friend before her?

So instead of using a tag, try using an action after dialogue and only using tags to make a point. For example, if someone is whispering or grumbling, or if you absolutely have to.

2.DON’T LET CHARACTERS SAY WHAT THEY WANT!

Its very important not to let your characters say exactly what their thinking; at least not at first. What makes dialogue interesting is when characters don't say exactly what their thinking. For instance at the beginning of a romance novel you might not want your main character to admit she hates her boyfriend and is cheating on him, because in reality we don’t always say what we want or do what we should. That's what makes dialogue interesting.

FOR EXAMPLE

INSTEAD OF:

He leaned in to kiss my cheek, and I couldn't help but pull away. “Tommy, this isn't working. Let's break up.”

His eyebrows came together before he laughed bitterly. “Why, because you're cheating on me with the football captain? I saw his jersey under your bed this morning.”

TRY:

He leaned in to kiss my cheek, and I couldn't help but pull away. “Tommy, this isn't working–” I sighed, cutting myself off.

His eyebrows came together with a thick line between them. It was written all over his face; he knew what I was talking about. “What isn't working?” he works his mouth slowly.

“This… whatever,” I motioned between us. “This is…”

His eyebrows came together. “You're breaking up with me,” he says not so much as a question but a statement. He laughed bitterly. “That's rich.”

It takes everything within me not to yell. “Do you think this is funny?”

“Yeah,” he scoffs, shaking his head. “It's not funny. Its because of him isn't it?”

My heart drops to my stomach. There's no way he knows. “W-who?”

“You really want to play dumb right now? Why is his Jersey under your bed?”

Every bone in me goes cold, and my mind shortcuts like a cable with spilled water on it. I try to form a sentence but fail. “Whose jersey?”

“You know whose jersey, Star,” he bites out.

As a reader, you can see that it's more enjoyable when characters don't say exactly what they want. It's a poor example, but imagine that prior to this argument in the story, Tommy notices Star has been Distant and does not mention it, and Star has been playing the perfect girlfriend when she's been secretly cheating. See how that tension has been bubbling because they're both not saying what they want? That's gold.

Hopefully, this will help with your writing. These are just a few things I've picked up on!

#creative writing #writerscommunity #writing #writing struggles #writing tips #writing process #writing dialogue

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celestelunia · 1 month ago

Text

This has been in my head ever since hearing Lydia song called "I only paint in red now"

I use the lyrics from this. If you want to listen to it before or while reading this, it will help with the overall feel of it. Lol

Hope you guys like this!

Warnings: nothing i think off outside of some craziness and madness.

Reader is female for this one.

When (this shows up), it means it's the other form of yourself singing.

youtube

"Whats a magicless girl like you going to do, huh?"

"I feel sorry for her...being stuck here. She's have no life outside of NRC since she has no magic..."

"Maybe I'll let you work for me if you promise to be a good pet~"

You stood in your room as you let your bag fall to the floor. For once, you were grateful Grim wasn't here.

You were tired.

So tired.

You knew not everyone at NRC treated you poorly, but you couldn't help but feel envious that everyone around you could do something you will never be able to do. While you might not have been from this world if you were going to be forced to stay here, then whatever powers that brought you here should have at least given you the ability to use magic! It was unfair and frustrating.

From the looks of things, you weren't even sure if you could go home, and if you had to stay here, what future awaited you?

The voices of various students echoed in your head as you collapsed on the floor and hid your face in your hands.

You were tired of always pretending you were fine. While you loved your friends here, you couldn't dismiss your current fears. Anytime it slipped out that you were feeling different or hated not being able to use magic, one of your friends always told you it was fine and that you were perfect just as you were.

So, why was this voice in your head telling you that once everyone graduates NRC that you would be stuck alone?

"I hate this...." You whispered before you suddenly felt something weird that made you remove your hands from your face.

Startled your eyes stare at a small, beautiful crimson jewel that was floating in front of you.

"W-what....?" You whisper before looking around and see you're still alone. As your gaze turned back at the small stone, you didn't move.

You've been in Twisted Wonderland long enough to know not to trust everything you see, but before you could stand, you suddenly felt a pulse hit your body that caused you to double over.

Suddenly, your breathing picked up as you felt your body move on its own. What was happening!?

You watched as your hand slowly reached out and touched the crimson jewel. As your fingertip touched it, you heard laughter before your vision blurred.

"She's been weird? How so?" Deuce asked as he walked with Grim and Ace towards Ramshackle dorm.

"She seems like something is bothering her, but she won't tell me what's wrong! My henchhuman is so stubborn!" Grim complained, but there is a hint of worry in his eyes.

"I'm sure she'll feel better after she has these treats we got." Ace grins as he holds up a bag full of your favorite snacks.

🎶Who am I, who are you?

What's a liе, what is true?🎶

The trio come to a stop when they hear a beautiful voice singing.

🎶How do you find a way out

When what's left appеars right and what's right's always wrong?

Clinging to sanity or embrace the fantasy?🎶

"What?" Deuce whispered as he looked around as the voice sounded like it was coming from all around them.

🎶Crimson red hearts

Stone from the start

Betcha they're beating now🎶

"Is that...?" Ace asked as everyone turned and saw you spinning and twirling on the pathway leading to the school as the voice seemed to be coming from you..

🎶Hatters and cards, yeah I'll tear them apart

'Cause the fire needs feeding now

Send kind regards

Drop the façade

Everyone hear my vow🎶

"Y/N!" Grim goes to run to you but is stopped when Deuce picks him up. "What are you doing? Let me go!"

"No...." Deuce said as both him and Ace looked nervous. "Something wrong..."

Your voice was haunting as it caused both boys to not move a muscle as you moved in a way that made it seem bewitching.

🎶I'll embrace this Wonderland crown

I only paint in red now!🎶

Ace, Deuce, and Grim tensed up as you suddenly spun around to face them and before they could do anything they felt magic wash over them as a red light erupted from your body covering all of the campus of NRC.

"What?" Azul frown as he suddenly couldn't move a muscle.

"Oh! This is a funny feeling!" Floyd laughed as he tried to move.

"Hm. This doesn't seem good." Jade chimed in as the three were in the Mostro Lounge.

"....." Leona said nothing as an annoyed looking crosses his features.

"What's happening?" Jack asked, not being able to move.

"I don't know...." Ruggie replied from Leona's room.

Riddle, Cater, and Trey found themselves in the same position as everyone else as they suddenly saw every mirror around them starting to glow.

"Y/N...?" Riddle asked.

🎶Wailing and tears

Sweet music, I hear

Sweat beading on your brow🎶

Your voice echoed through every mirror throughout NRC as everyone was rendered frozen. Even the teachers couldn't move as they listened to your voice echoing around them.

"Is that?" Kalim asked as your image appeared in the mirror as you seemed to be spinning and twirling as you sang. Jamil frowned as he watched what was happening. Something was wrong....

🎶Hatters and cards, yeah, I'll tear them apart

'Cause the fire needs feeding now🎶

Iida and Ortho watched as your image in the mirror walked up to Ace and Deuce as you circled them in an almost creepy way.

🎶Send kind regards

Drop the façade🎶

As you sang, you opened your arms as the gem that was around your neck started to glow a deeper red. Your eyes were unfocused and dark as you grinned like some crazy maniac.

🎶Everyone hear my vow

I'll embrace this Wonderland crown

I only paint in red now🎶

Suddenly the image shifted as it showed you standing ontop of a roof over looking NRC.

🎶My threads of thought are fading

Impulsive webs invading

Wonderland words coming out of my mouth

You're one of us now🎶

"Y/N...." Silver whispered in worry as he watched you through the mirror in his dorm. There was some dark magic at play here...

"That gem..." Sebek said as his eyes landed on the crimson jewel that was shining around your neck. "Where did she...."

🎶Wailing and tears

Sweet music, I hear

Sweat beading on your brow🎶

As you sang on the roof, you danced around in reckless abandonment as everyone watched you with bated breath as they worried that you might fall.

Suddenly, you seemed to jump through a mirror that appeared in front of you as the scene changed. In front of you was Crowley, who seemed to be unable to move as well.

🎶Now would you deny me my right to reply?🎶

As you sang, they walked towards the headmage as your voice took on a more angry tone.

🎶You see, I'm not done speaking, so let's see you bow🎶

The moment your voice said "bow," another red blast of energy came from you as everyone fell to their knees.

🎶I'm giving up, oh

I'll embrace this Wonderland crown

I only paint in red now!🎶

As you spun around the headmage office, you disappeared into another mirror and ended up standing on the stone path surrounded by the statues of the great seven.

🎶I'll speak in rhyme, if riddles you seek

I'll give you riddles, recite them for free🎶

As you sang, you closed your eyes as you felt power and magic surging through your body. You never felt more alive! It was so addictive!

🎶The clock's run out, too late to wake up

You're locked under this nightmare's thumb🎶

As you danced around something shifted as the crimson jewel around your neck faltered in it's glow for a moment.

🎶Begging, you hide and run

What have I become...?🎶

Your confident voice suddenly shifted to sounding scared as you stopped spinning and dancing.

The mirrors around NRC blinked as an image of you on your knees appeared as dark like threads were wrapped around you, holding you in place.

🎶Can someone please show me the way out🎶

Your voice echoed around as your body struggled against the black threads kept you bound. Another version of you appeared behind you as they wrapped they arms around you in almost a comforting way. Their body seemed to have the same red glow as the magic that now covered the school.

You didn't want this! You could see what was happening but didn't have control of your body. Whatever power that was controlling you, you did your best to resist it as you didn't want anyone to get hurt.

🎶I'm not too sure who I am or how🎶

You cried out as the image cracked and flickered as the darkness around you got bigger.

Suddenly, the image of you outside by the great seven appeared back on the mirror.

🎶Chasing down sanity til I drop

(Wailing and tears, sweet music I hear

Sweat beading on your brow)

Mind runs away, and it just won't stop🎶

Your body twitched and moved in a way that made it seem like you were a broken doll. Your hands moved up to your head as two voices seemed to echo at the same time. A confident and strong voice verses a more scared and waek one.

🎶(Now, would you deny me my right to reply?

You see, I'm not done speaking, so let's see you bow)

Please I am begging you just let me out!🎶

As the voices seemed to clash, you jerked back and forth as you kept one hand over the right side of your face. The left side was grinning as black tears ran down your cheeks as your head threw back to look up at the dark sky above you.

(No way out in sight, so try as I might

I'm giving up, oh

I'll embrace this Wonderland crown)

🎶I'm part of Wonderland now...!🎶

Feeling light as you collapsed back, but instead of hitting the ground, you felt gently arms catch you. Slowly, you opened your eyes as you saw horns, raven haired and familiar green eyes looking down at you. In his hand was the crimson gem that had started this whole thing.

"M-Mal..." you whisper weakly.

"Shh." Malleus said as he crushed the gem in his hands, and as he did, you suddenly felt exhausted. "It's okay now."

That was the last thing you heard before passing out in his arms.

"She'll be okay." Illia said as he appeared next to Malleus, who looked down at you in worry when you went limp in his arms. "Her body went through a lot. She just needs some rest." He said, touching your forehead.

"How did she come across the stone of Lydia?" Malleus asked as he opened his hands to see the remains of the stone in his palm as everyone was suddenly able to move. It was a powerful stone that could grant whatever your heart desired, but at a price...

"I don't know." Illia said with a worried tone before he heard voices calling out towards them.

"Y/N!" The voices of your friends called out as they rushed towards you. The moment the spell was broken everyone rushed out to come check on you.

"I'm sure everyone is worried. We can look into it later." Illia said as Malleus nodded, keeping you in his arms as you slept.

#twisted wonderland #disney twst #twst wonderland #twst #twisted wonderland x reader #x reader #twst x reader #Youtube

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