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writing the third chapter and honestly I dont know how to make the story interesting, I am writing nonsense.
I think I will answer this publicly because writing advice is universally loved and adored (right?). This is more about motivation than mechanics. It's about telling a story rather than about grammar, POV, verb tense.
The first thing to do is just write. Don't think about plot, don't think about characters, don't think too hard, just write. Sometimes you have to spew out absolute garbage to start writing gold. Start somewhere in the action, then describe the surroundings, then describe the character, why are they there, what about them is making them act this way. A fun tip: write what you want to read. I daydream all the time, I go on walks--long walks--I listen to music, and I just daydream. Usually, what you enjoy imagining, other people will too. Slip tidbits of your life in, they don't need to be blatant, just little pieces of yourself to add humanity to it.
The second thing is to have a goal in your writing. When I start writing a chapter, I always have an "idea" of what I need to accomplish according to an internal map of where my story is going. Then I just write (The first point) until I accomplish it. Another goal I have when writing a chapter is that I usually give myself a word count to accomplish. For me, my word count is 3,000 for a chapter minimum, unless its a prologue or epilogue. This word count encourages me to fill in gaps, describe scenes better, but it also keeps me in-line with pacing of action.
Third thing: re-rewrite it all. When I wrote Anele and Forgotten Age, I erased whole chapters, I trashed it (I kept it in a separate compilation document that is multiple chapters long). I went back to the blank page, I said, I can write this more subtly, I can write this more succinctly. I can write this better. Sometimes, you have absolutely NO IDEA what is going on until the characters have taken you to the end of it all, and you have to go back and write it all again BETTER. And sometimes, you have to write it all again.
And, one last thing: Allow yourself to be mediocre, accept mediocre. I have seen more people stop writing because they feel like they suck than any other reason. Put the shitty words to paper--it is absolutely the greatest thing a human can do. Everything we write is a written record that someone existed. And when I write, well, sometimes, sometimes its absolute garbage, and sometimes its fine, and sometimes I feel like there are spirits touching my fingers to the keyboard. No one is good 100% of the time, and that's okay.
I think you said you were a teen somewhere, I can't remember. When I was a teen, my mom told me I needed to "Hurry up and write my novel, so we can get out of here." She had complete and utter faith that I would write something brilliant one day, and she thought that it would save us both from a pretty shitty situation, but I didn't write anything long or brilliant because I just didn't have it in me yet. I had all these ideas, thoughts, concepts, but there was something missing. My mom ended up dying when I was seventeen, and she was sick for awhile. It's been nearly ten years now, but she shows up in my writing--she's a ghost in the background. Sometimes, we can't write our story until we figure out what's worth keeping alive, and that's okay. You don't need to experience tragedy to be a writer, but living experience is necessary. You don't have to know what it feels like to be stabbed to write about it, but you probably know what it feels like to be betrayed by someone. You may not know what its like to kiss someone, but you know what its like to love someone. Sometimes we can't write until there's life there, and like I said, that is okay.
This is a warning: don't treat novel writing like a career option because quite frankly, its not. I'm in nursing to support myself, but writing is my Netflix. Its free. Its fun. I get to make the show I want, and share it with people free of charge on AO3. Unless you have an incredible entrepreneurial spirit to you, writing for a career will eat your soul and your pocketbook. Unless you plan to be an English teacher, don't get a college degree in english (it is literally useless, Stephen King, Rick Riordan--they all had English degrees because they were teachers). The best thing about English is you can read books, and learn grammar, and write on your own and become proficient at it without a teacher telling you what to do or paying tuition or other fees other than library fees for all those books you didn't return. There are obvious exceptions: you have rich parents who let you live in their house and feed you, you have a strong entrepreneurial spirit and a trust fund, or you already signed a $14 million book deal with Disney Hyperion Books.
#writing#writing advice#writing motivation#go listen to Vienna by Billy Joel#he gets it#he absolutely gets it#greatest songwriter of the past century#ranting about writing#fanfic#stories#I used to plan stories out chapter by chapter and never sat down to write them#sometimes you have to run out of distractions#but also#sometimes frontal lobes need to develop at least I think that was my problem#my best friend wrote a novel and it nearly destroyed her#don't let writing kill you#thats why I don't write to publish#for some reason money just ruins everything#she lost money by the way#she self published and her novel is just dead in the water and she is miserable everytime she thinks about it#don't think of novel writing as a career option
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So, I recently watched Helluva Boss and as always I've been prusing the tags for it on tumblr to see what other people think about the story and characters.
Something that stuck out to me is when people say Striker is a hypocrite because he hates the Royals, puts down Blitz and Fizz for being with Royals, but he, himself, works for one. Also that his pitch he gave to Blitz about teaming up to take down Royals was all a lie.
Now, I'm not going to say he's not being a bit of a hypocrite, especially given how much he hates Royals. What I will say is that I understand why Striker wouldn't see it that way (besides the fact he has a seemingly desperate need to feel superior to other imps).
Striker wants to kill Royals--that is very clear. A huge hurtle to that goal is that they are immortal. The only thing that can kill them is Angelic Steel--something that is rare and expensive. Yes, Striker is supposedly a well known assassin, but it's doubtful he'd ever make enough money to afford Angelic Weapons without taking on extremely wealthy clients. The wealthiest would be those at the top.
We don't know if Striker has worked with Royals before. If we assume Stella was the first Royal he was hired by, that makes his choice to work with her make far more sense. Particularly when we take into account who her target is--her equally Royal husband.
Unless stated otherwise later, Stella must have provided Striker with his Angelic Weapons so he could kill Stolas. She doesn't just give him a single weapon, either. She gets him a sniper rifle, pistols, a knife and a rope so he can incapacitate Stolas and take his vast magic abilities away, rendering him helpless. On top of that, she is also paying him money.
Given Stella never brings up the fact he lost the sniper rifle, or demands he return the weapons she provides, this deal he's making, although hypocritical, is only a benefit for Striker. He's getting paid to kill someone he wants to anyway, and a new arsenal that gives him the capability to kill Royals afterward.
This is why I don't think his offer to Blitz was a lie. I think what he told Blitz is his long term goal/plan, and was simply offering Blitz to join him since he found Blitz to be somewhat equal to him after Blitz did so well in the harvest games. Once they killed Stolas, got Stella's money, they would turn around and start using those funds and weapons to kill more Royals.
The reason Striker doesn't see himself as on the same level as Blitz and Fizz with their relationships with Royals is because he sees himself as using Stella, where he perceives Blitz and Fizz as being used. It's true that Blitz gets similar benefits from his relationship with Stolas (if Striker even knows about Blitz using Stolas's spell book for his business, I can't recall) but given what Striker saw of their relationship, he would see Stolas using silly pet names despite Blitz disliking it and see that as Blitz debasing himself publicly for Stolas. Yes, Stella doesn't treat him with the upmost respect, but it's over the phone, without witnesses. Nor does he give her anything in return except a dead husband--someone he would have targeted anyway.
He sees Fizz as even worse because, to him, it appears Fizz has given up his own autonomy to live a cushy lifestyle. Yes, Fizz gains many benefits from being with Ozzie, but Striker views it as letting Ozzie take advantage of him, to let Ozzie treat him like a pet (which some people do, do to some imps). He doesn't know Ozzie loves Fizz--franky I don't think he'd believe a Royal could love an imp at all anyway.
Yes, he may work for a Royal, and take her orders, but he does so to pilfer more and more Angelic Weapons from her as well as take her money, all of which I'm sure he tells himself he will later use against her and the rest of the upper class. It's a business transaction that he actually holds all the cards in. Unlike Blitz and Fizz he doesn't have to publicly debase himself to get the benefits he seeks. At least that's how he sees things.
#helluva boss#helluva striker#helluva boss striker#i'm sort of lost as to why he wanted to work for Crimson#idk if Stella didn't pay him because Stolas was rescued#and he needs the money to relocate his base since now the gang knows where it is#im not even sure if he's till working for Stella anymore#since she called off the hit#sure she wants to kill him later but we don't know if he dicking around until she gives him the signal#or if the job is considered done and she paid him#and he's just working with Crimson because he wanted an easy win after his last huge failure#also his pistol might be Angelic give it has some silver on it#but he did seem to lose a good portion of his shit after his base was raided#but if he has the money#his job with stella is done#and he still has an Angelic pistol#maybe hes not quite as full of himself as he pretends#is a bit of coward and putting off killing the upper class because he knows they're so powerful#also Stella and her brother are stupid for giving a fucking assassin weapons that could kill them!#they just made their lives way more dangerous#like I know Stella is to focused on killing Stolas to care#but her brother whose supposed to be smart should have been angry at her for that as well as not thinking about the inheritance
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help this took so long (tagsss)
#he calls the mansion not a house but a tomb hes always choking from the stench and the fume the wedding party all collapsed in the room so#send my resignation to the bride and the groom lets go down this elevator only goes up to ten hes not around hes always looking at men down#by the pool he doesnt have any friends as they are face down and bloated snap a shot with the lens if you marry me would you bury me would#you carry me to the end to the vows you take (and say goodbye) to the life you make (and say goodbye) to the heart you break and all the#cyanide you drank she keeps a picture of the body she lends got nasty bruises from the money she spends shes got a life of her own and it#shows by the benz she drives at 90 by the barbies and kens if you ever say never too late ill forget all the diamonds you ate lost in coma#and covered in cake increase the medication share the vows at the wake (kiss the bride) if you marry me would you bury me would you carry me#to the end (and say goodbye) to the life you make (and say goodbye) to the heart you break and all the cyanide you drank to the last parade#(and walk away) from the choice you made (and say goodnight) to the heart you break and all the cyanide you drank to the vows you take (and#say goodbye) to the life you make (and say goodbye) to the heart you break and all the cyanide you drank to the last parade as the parties#fade and the choice you made (to the end)#to the end#my chemical romance#my chem romance#three cheers for sweet revenge#my chemical fucking romance#gerard way
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in the amelia pond au, amelia’s aunt does still send her to therapy between doctor adventures, but since amelia is now secure in the fact that he’s Definitely Real since both rory and mels have also met him and because she lost a tooth last week from tripping on the stairs of the tardis, she doesn’t bite any therapists this time around. and besides, her therapist is a very funny lady. she reminds amelia of her doctor, with how her voice will flip and jump in volume and accent and tone on a whim, with how she’ll talk to amelia like they’re conspiring together. she keeps the pictures amelia draws of the doctor and their adventures for her, even hangs one or two on the walls. she listens very intently to every detail, which no adults in amelia’s life do save the doctor himself and river song, whenever she’s around. and best of all, whenever she tells amelia’s aunt that amelia is doing just fine, don’t you worry, she’ll grow out of this, she winks at amelia so that amelia will know her therapist is only playing along to wave away her aunt’s suspicion.
it is a little odd, though, that she insists on only being called Missy. but amelia is quite used to odd by now.
#not the point of this post but. please do imagine amelia and rory and mels and the doctor all having escaped from Real Actual Danger#rory has the energy of a cat with its fur all puffed up and looks like he’s either going to start crying or yelling at the doctor#mels is standing on the box the doctor got her so she could see the tardis console better and studying the way he flies it very intently#and amelia is still full of energy and adrenaline and can’t stop racing around the tardis like a hyperactive gerbil. because if she stops#she might have to be scared instead but if she can run long enough she’ll forget to be scared at all and when she collapses exhausted all#she’ll have left are the exciting happy memories#and then she misteps racing up the stairs. shouts! the doctor and mels and rory are all at attention immediately. mels moves first but rory#is closer and helps amelia back up. and then the doctor is crouching down in front of her. ‘let me see. oh that’s a lot of blood. that’s.#how much blood are you able to lose again? its more than this. probably.’ amelia’s whole face hurts. but the doctor’s rambling is familiar.#it helps. and he’s only so talkative when he’s sure he has a solution. besides. rory’s head’s nestled on her shoulder and mel’s got her#hands. the doctor wipes blood off her nose and her chin. tilts her head up and goes ‘aaa’ sticking his tongue out until she does it too.#and he tells her to feel her upper row of teeth with her tongue. she does until she finds the gap.#it still hurts. hurts more when she nudges it with her tongue all bleeding and raw. but she just lost a tooth! and you know what that means.#they have to find it. or else how will the tooth fairy leave her any money?#(the doctor hears her say that to mels as they search. and he glances off to the side and makes a note to go back and make sure it *was* her#aunt leaving her those coins. and not something else. which he does. and finds out her aunt wasn’t leaving her any coins at all.#he can’t just let that stand! so the doctor becomes amy’s tooth fairy as well.)#and that is how amelia loses a tooth on the tardis.#amelia pond au
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#thinking of dinosaurs and troodontids were my favorite dinosaurs as a child#when younger i had a real full troodontid tooth fossil that meant a lot to me#for a time we lived within a few kilometers of hadrosaur sites and troodontid sites#while wider general area had many sites of recovery for the big celebrities like tyrannosaur and multiple dromaeosaurs#at that time troodontids were kinda infamous for i think the depiction in some childrens field guides and dino books#which depicted like a fantasy speculative humanoid troodontid based on 1980s model at Canadian Museum of Nature in ottawa#anyway would visit a small local paleo center a lot and woman in her 70s or 80s ran the counter of their center and rock shop#one day she asked me what my fave dino was and i said troodon so she pulled out the tooth and just gifted it to me#in little black case size of ring box with padding and transparent plastic viewing cover kinda like laminate for displaying a trading card#tooth got stolen from out my vehicle while giving some people a ride while at university before i got too poor for tuition#later during first year of pandemic owner of my storage unit died and new property owners threw away everything i ever owned#i was homeless anyway lost job due to early pandemic closures and had to allocate any money to insulin and other prescrip meds#but wouldve found a way to save my things if the new owners had contacted me#they threw out photoalbums y backpacking gear y books y musical instruments y clothes y artwork y camera y all family keepsakes#and all childhood treasures like souvenirs and gifts and school awards and writing portfolios and all the little memories#which i was always sentimental about as child#from earliest age my room looked like a natural history museum with plants and maps and library of field guides#and rocks and field trip keepsakes and all kinds of little animal figurines and mother had painted room in forest greens and browns#to feel like a forest and among the succulent plants and a globe sat the troodon tooth#parents passed when i was a child#never near any family and were always moving never got to settle into proper stable place then father passed after long sad illness#and mother put in so much effort but she passed few years later and i could not take care of myself or my remaining material possessions#and so im still quite hurt having nothing whatsoever remaining of my childhood or school friends or mother or life generally#and when trying to process grief my thoughts often come back to the troodontid tooth as a focal point a distillation of what was lost#even when young i knew it was advised not to become too connected to material physical possessions#but still there are some small little trinkets in our lives that seem to hold so much meaning and i tortured myself for losing that tooth#thinking about troodon reminds me of childhood
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...
#oh lads. lads. lads. lads. im being sucked back into the world of academia#i dont even kno what happened. a week ago i was crying bc i was like: this is impossible. i simply cannot do this.#and then i went into the lab sunday and miraculously i was able to easily read some papers. like i dont kno how to discribe how baffling it#was. like reading papers is like pulling teeth and this was somehow easy. i think maybe it was bc i let myself get distracted and wander#thru it. and then after that i got so much done this week and i was tired but having fun. and like the thing is: i fucking love evolution#it's like puzzling out the code for life in both a metaphical and literal sense. its fucking incredible. and my project is also very#interesting. if a bit intimidating in its scope. ya kno. just in the way photosynthesis is generally intimidating#but i think i have a strain thats lost chlf which is really interesting and my advisor said we might have the money to try some crispr for#my cyano children. hypothetically. maybe. and i get to do some poking around in genomes. theres so so much to love there#how could i possibly want to do anything else? and yet. and yet. here at the end of the week im so wrung out and i kno i just have to start#again on sunday and i kno im gonna have to step it up in terms of reading if i want to make it through a committee meeting and proposal#defense. not to even mention a comprehensive exam. and what do i get at the end of all this? a lifetime of academia draining my life away.#bc what i do is so academic. so whats the point? its just so frustrating.#and on top of that ive got all this data from my old lab that i kno i have to work on. and i will. i will. but with what time?#anyway the point is. i can see a path forward now where i stay here and decide the pain will be worth it despite not knowing where im going#after that. im just so tried#but right now it feels like im gonna stay until someone kicks me out#but that doesnt exactly make me feel happy. ugh. but if i stay i want to get my old pi to come here and give a seminar. ill warn her how#intimidating the department is tho. we've had 2 talks in the last 2 weeks that were... not good. particularly the one this week#like she couldnt answer a single question they thru at her and didnt seem to kno her data sets. it was hard to watch. anyway. i just want#to see my academic mother again. send me back to the desert! let me rot in a field full of sage#but send me back to the hills of an older mountain range. where i can climb sandstone cliffs and lay in carpets of moss. except i wouldnt do#that bc of all the ticks and threat of lyme disease...#anyway. im still tired. still sad. and there doesnt seem to b a way out#unrelated
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Time for more eternal gales isat au, this time featuring Sier as Isabeau, creating a sprite I can never use next to Aris’ because despite my best efforts it would make them look tall
#keese draws#eternal gales#oc#oc art#isat#in stars and time#this one didn’t take nearly as long as the aris one but I think I suffered for it more from the clothes alone#siffrin made me forget I suck at drawing clothes rip#this was also harder because of how much trickier it was to try and adapt siers design to feel fitting enough for my standards#they have a very stylized design compared to most of the others#I kind of took the lazy route out by keeping most of their original shapes in tact but it’s fine#sier in this au would serve the needed role of emotionally intelligent bestie who is also too scared to cross boundaries to do much#but despite this I do think they’d actually get the suspicion quest in this au#mostly because mase is a furry artist not a nerd and sier would be more likely to look at aris and go bro. are you in a fucking timeloop.#it also differs in that aris doesn’t yell at sier abt it instead looping before they can finish because she can’t handle hearing them be#right on the money about this thing that she thought she was handling perfectly#she doesn’t want to fail them she doesn’t want them to realize she’s failed them she doesn’t want to be a burden she doesn’t want them to#‘realize’ they’re better off without her#aris is Incredibly resistant to accepting help on most serious issues because shes convinced that it’s her responsibility to deal with it#by herself and that if she can’t then she’s a failure and worse than useless#I mean in canon eternal gales she literally loses her eye and arm because of that#in this au she just lost them how sif lost his eye but she still has. complexes abt all that.#but yeah sier also differs wildly from isa in many Many other ways as does the rest of the cast from their assigned characters#for sier they rly aren’t the jock of the group at all instead being more of the guy who keeps the mood lighthearted at all times lest they#die of stress because the others haven’t said anything in a whole 30 seconds#aka they’re the self assigned peacekeeper who doesn’t actually need to constantly keep the peace because no one’s fighting but they still#feel like they need to so they dance and dance and dance for their friends until they collapse from exhaustion#metaphorically ofc#this is why they’re both terrified to confront aris when she starts acting a bit fucked up but also why they still do sometimes anyways#they talk abt this a lil bit in their friend quest as they talk abt how they want to change but are scared to
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Now I remember why I don't draw in front of my family, I get yelled at for it!
#stfusanta#had to shut down a lecture from my grandmother this morning#she was so disappointed in me for not making art my career#'no i wont accept that its your hobby'#'hobbies aren't real! you need to make it your lifes work'#like damn i just like drawing my little silly blonde men#leave me alone#but seriously#the reason i dont is because drawing is the first thing that gave me pure joy#like i get warm and tingly when a drawing turns out the way i want#or mastering a skill ive been working on#and im not harping on people who do art for a living! i think that shits awesome!#but i just dont want that#some people read a book and get lost in it to have their me time#i draw#my moms the same way#both of them say 'i never had a hobby why do you need one!!'#its not my fault you made you life all about work#my grandmother and my moms siblings shame my sister for her hiking#like they think she is insane and irresponsible for working for a few years to save money#and then quitting for a year to hike the AT CDT etc#because she loves it so much and shes lucky that the company she works for will take her back for her job everytime#cause its kinda niche and shes really good at it#but were shamefull for having a hobby that doesnt really run a profit#shame on us i guess
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Trying to be patient but would really love it if i had a therapy appointment scheduled by now.
#therapist texted me a week ago saying she has internet back and could schedule virtual visits now#(the office is very much gone though the practice is looking for a new location)#texted back same day saying i did want to schedule and gave some dates#i know she’s probably busy getting every client sorted out and there are probably some with more urgent needs#or maybe her internet isn’t completely stable yet#but i’m worried that she just forgot about me but i also don’t want to be pushy by texting again#i don’t know what do you do when you feel like you desperately need something but also don’t think your needs matter#or that you’re being a burden (asking for a paid appointment that was offered to you)#weird i was able to get a haircut before a therapy appointment considering my hair stylist like…literally lost her home#though i suppose that creates a greater need to get back to work asap#also apparently nothing offsets my money anxiety#me: if there was ever a time to pull a large amount out of savings to give to those in need it would be now#also me: i am going to financially ruin myself and also probably my whole family#me again: you should be giving MORE stop being SELFISH#[proceeds to enter into damned-if-you-do-damned-if-you-don’t anxiety spiral where i hate myself in five different ways at once]
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it was student night yesterday and just before we went inside the SU we were out with all the bouncers queueing to get searched and all that jazz and i truly dont know how no one else spotted this bc it was already 1am by the time we showed up AND like i said this was the Bouncer Spot so they'd all been hanging around there the whole time with AMPLE opportunity to get it themselves, but i found a £10 note on the floor and i was SO beside myself with joy bc. obviously. free tenner. BUT ONE OF THE FUCKING BOUNCERS SAW AND HE WAS LIKE 'give me that' and i was like 'no?' and he was angling down an authoritative route like ORDERING me to give it him lmfao? and when that didn't work this man honestly tried to pull the woe is me card he was like 'im out here actually working so i deserve it more!' my honest reaction 😐 imagine trying the pity olympics against an actual student and your argument being 'im getting paid AS WE SPEAK'. he then - very clearly lying - tried to make out it was HIS money and to give it him and i literally just laughed in his face, said no again and walked off
#A WIN IS A WIN IS A WIN#the way we were scrapping over a tenner. i should be embarrassed but it's fucking dire out here man#the karma caught up to me too bc later that night a fresher sort of attached herself to me bc she lost her friends#and she was MANGLED so i paid for her uber home and made sure she got back safe. god's prettiest angels find money on the pavement#and tell SHITTY ASS BOUNCERS to go fuck themselves when they try snatching it off me#i also had so much tat in my pockets that when i got to the pat down the woman looked at me and went 'just go in 😐'#QUEEN IM SORRY 😭 IM SORRY I NEED THREE DIFFERENT LIP GLOSSES ON ME AT ANY GIVEN TIME 😭#hella goes to uni
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why the fuck did my dad choose to make his kids homeless but let us use as much data as we needed/wanted and let my brother keep using his hand me down car and paying for his gas and let me keep using his card info to refill my orca card. i still think about it bc that whole situation was so fucked and weird and confusing. he refused to consider going halvsies on rent for an apartment and made us live in a shelter/car only for me to check myself into a psych ward and stay there for 2 and a half months and go back to the shelter again until i texted him about how bad everything was and THEN he paid for my rent for a bedroom in a house. i hate my parents and i hate relying on them financially. i literally Need them still because of Money. i lived in that house for 9 months and then i got into college with my parents paying for everything and me just signing up to pay back loans. my dad said i should go for the unlimited meal plan and pays for it. he gave me $200 every month for personal expenses. and now hes paying my rent and bills in full again for an apartment until i move back to school which he will continue paying for. why were you so fucking quick to kick me out of your house with 20 minutes notice
#posts#why am i simultaneously poor and receiver of daddys money rn. im stressed about food every month and still horrifically traumatized about#everything to do with housing and scared im about to lose it all again. im attached to seattle in the weirdest fucking way and have the#weirdest emotions about there now. all jyst for my dad to be buying my grocieries and paying for my housing still.#he didnt have to kick us out. some lady from our church suggested it because she used to work with vocational whatever the fuck and stuff#like it all happened within the span of like. a week or something#my dad also had no idea we'd be homeless for weeks. he said he never wanted us to be at the shelter for weeks. like just a complete and#utter lack of knowledge of how homelessness and shelters work. did he really think we'd be there a few days and get whisked away to#transitional housing??!?!?!? that was his plan. he told us thats what he wanted from all that#instead i lost the whole end of 2022. mid october 2022 to mid january 2023. fuck you
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surely a chronically ill person can go a day without EATING right? It's not like I'm managing a complicated illness that requires strict management right? And I totally don't need to be pain free for work tomorrow right!?!!
/sarcasm
#wrenfea.vent#sarcasm#tried to cook something for myself and my brother and my mom got home and saw and yelled at me#saying theres no possible way I can eat all that#except SHES the one who always asks me to make extra for my brother#AND I wasn't making it all for myself one serving was for me one for my brother and another for my lunch tomorrow#i cant handle being yelled at and i lost it and panicked because I couldnt get away from her#so i did scream for her to leave me alone#and now shes in the kitchen and i cant be in there#and i dont have any more food stashed in my room#and im not eating whatever shes fucking cooking#so she can lord it over my head like shes some kind of saint#but now my blood sugar is low and I cant focus#and she tells me if i dont like it i can just move out#funny because when i was trying to she convinced me not to and to stay home and save my money#i cant afford to anyway until my bf and I get better jobs#tw disordered eating
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im GOING to write today ........ i WILL !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
#the sky speaks#i havent used twitter in so long and lemme say i missed using tumblr like twitter. just putting my long rambly notes into a single post#anyways onto the rambling#i havent been writing or drawing like at alllll#too busy#also was so sick#but now that i have my new job and i know what my schedule is gonna sorta look like#3 days at joann 2 days cleaning w mom and 2 days nothin#PLUS i dont have to spend money on therapy til after the new year now#and mom is coming home and she seems rly optimistic abt sobriety#im feeling like i can finally create again !!!!#i have 2 creative presents i need to do before christmas#but aside that and 1 prompt still in my inbox (that i rly wanna do anyways) everything else i wanna do is all for Me :)#im kinda put out bc a lot of stuff i wanted to do this fall got shelved.. i wanted to make bday art of kirishima xinyan and kazuha.#i wanted to open comms. but im way too rusty w art rn to be confident doing that. maybe after new years?#god i wanted to come out to my parents properly. the day my mom went to rehab was national coming out day.#it was also one of my last therapy sessions. i came out to her instead#i still managed to do stuff tho. started my new job and got together with friends TWICE !! and i've kept up w doing my moms job alone#idk where im going w this anymore ive lost steam. but yeah. i wanna write today! idk what yet. i hav so many wips i could work on..
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watched Lilo and Stitch the other day and a piece of my soul died at the 2$ adoption fee. Getting an animal from the SPCA where I live costs like $500 now :/
#and the SPCA tends to go out of their way to lie about any behaviour problems#the owners of the cat I got off craigslist for $100 were upfront about the fact she's a menace#I signed up for that lol#this is what 22 years of unchecked inflation has done to us#and we're not gonna talk about how I'm comparing US money to CAD money#so that $500 adoption fee up here is probably closer $700 down there#that's assuming SPCAs still function the same in the states#I'm not claiming that it was ever only 2$ in the states 'cause Lilo and Stitch is a cartoon and they could've just thrown out any number#but I feel like it's in the realm of suspended disbelief#'cause I can't even imagine the amount of kids and parents that would've lost it if they went to shelter to get a pet after the movie#expecting the fee to be from 2-20$ only to find it's in the hundreds#so I feel like that's probably what the fee was around (at least in Hawaii) in 2002#I know inflation is a thing but going from 2$ being believable to approximately 700$ on average in 22 years is *insane*#btw this is also probably why so few people bother adopting#because what's the point if I could get off craigslist or hell even a breeder for cheaper* than what I'll pay at a shelter?#*depending on the breed
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"Being a puppy nanny sounds like a great job! I'm sure it's a lot harder than it seems though"
It's actually really easy!
Unless something goes wrong.
A lot of times nothing will go wrong at all and you'll get through the 8 weeks and think that, aside from the initial lack of sleep and the now permanent headache, it was a breeze!
The hard part is making sure you have the knowledge, ability, and finances to act if something does go wrong. Puppies die! In fact it's pretty common. Up to 10% of live born puppies die within the first 7 days. The total puppy mortality rate from birth to 6 weeks is 18.5%, with 7% of those being stillborn.
In fact this litter of seven we just had was actually a litter of 8, with the 8th puppy being stillborn. Given the weight compared to it's litter mates, and the state of the placenta (it had started to rot), that puppy had likely died at least a week prior to labour.
The last litter had a puppy that lived for just a few moments, bringing the total from 7 to 6. Someone else had whelped those because we were still taking care of a litter born two weeks previous. That litter had 7 puppies and no fatalities.
The litter previous to that one had a puppy that lived a couple of days before dying, bringing the total from 8 to 7, and the three litters previous to that (2, 8, and 2) had no fatalities.
That's a pretty good record for a breeder! It helps that collies have few health issues and usually uncomplicated pregnancies and whelping that needs little to no intervention.
But when things don't go wrong? Basically my job is to make sure everyone eats and no one gets accidentally squished by mom (I've had to rescue two puppies from underneath her so far). Oh! And to snuggle them. Snuggling them is a very important part of the job.
It's very easy, except the occasional time when it isn't.
#dog breeding#animal death#a friend of mine nearly lost an entire litter to parvo#luckily they all survived#i say luck but she put SO much work#and so much money#into keeping those puppies alive#that's one way to tell if someone is an ethical breeder or not#they won't balk at losing money on a litter#because the vet fees were more than they'd get back selling the dogs
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it's so crazy to see strangers on the internet showing more empathy towards me than my own sister 💀 like girl ???
#she deadass asked me for money the other day#for some stationery stuff she wants to buy#and i asked ''you DO realize i've just lost literally my whole entire house and everything in it right?''#and she was like ''yea it's just dad said he'd buy this stuff for me but now i can't ask him to do that bc of the current situation''#girlie that's my current situation too.#she hasn't shared a single link or post about it on any of her socials#and it's wild to me ?? like#my older sister is going around trying to see if any of her friends can donate any clothes to me#bc winter is coming and i'm out of warm clothes#and her own clothes don't fit me bc i'm way larger than her but she said she'll still try to find smth that might fit#meanwhile my younger sister is acting as if 70% of our state isn't collapsing#and today my mom was like ''ur sister cried yesterday but she didn't tell me why''#ma'am i've been crying literally every night.#i know she has her problems but it's hard to feel any empathy for someone who's acting so self centered lately#🌙.txt
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