#she literally just wants me to look bad that’s the ugly truth

[thursdayg1rl]

realising that I need to be chosen at least once in my life or I will literally die and that is not an exaggeration

[wosoamazing]

Negative Thoughts & Beach Days

Summary: Based of this request.

Warnings: Eating Disorders, R calling themselves fat, RED-S syndrome.

A/N: This took longer than I expected sorry. I hope you like it, might do a part two where R talks to Leah and Jonas etc. I took forever to come up with the title - don't be surprised if I change it.

“She’s so fat” “She’s ugly” “Literal definition of nepotism, search it up in the dictionary and you would find her, she is so unfit and a bad player, screams nepotism.”

Leah had always told you there are two main rules to being a professional sports person. Number one do not read the comments on any posts about you, and number two if you don’t listen to number one and do read the comments don’t let them get to you. But these three comments weren’t alone, they were three of millions, it had been going on for a month, its hard not to let them get to you, you open social media, and they were plastered all over your screen. You tried to ignore them, block them out of your head, but they always managed to find a way to wiggle in and eventually they were all consuming thoughts.

The girls first noticed an odd change in your eating habits one morning at breakfast, you didn’t stop at your routine stop in front of the cereal instead you continued over to the fruit picking up a fruit salad, you also had decided to have wholemeal bread instead of white bread this morning for your toast, these decisions received a few confused looks from the girls as you sat down, no one knew why, they just thought maybe you wanted to try and be healthier, so no one thought much of it and just shrugged it off.

You were 16, turning 17 in 2 months and had never had your period. Leah said you were lucky, that you didn’t have to deal with it. RED-S syndrome was what every single doctor you ever spoke too yapped on about, along with exercising less, which they all regretted saying the second after, exercising was your job, you couldn’t really stop it, plus it kept you skinny. You didn’t really listen to what anyone said, nor did you care, in your mind not having a period meant that you were skinny enough, you were thin enough, you were fit enough. This was far from the truth but in your distorted reality it was the truth. So, the day you got your first ever period your whole world collapsed, in your reality you were now classed as fat. In reality you weren’t, you were insanely skinny. But you weren’t in reality. You stopped eating snacks, you thrived off snacks or at least that’s what the girls said, but you had stopped eating them, that did concern them, but you were still eating your three full meals a day so no one was too concerned, well except for Alessia, she would always ask “You sure you don’t want some?” in regards to popcorn on movie nights, or “What happened to your snacks?” you knew somewhere deep down that she was concerned and just trying to help but you didn’t take the comments that way, it felt like she was having a go at you, and one day you snaped, “Alessia, why do you even care, it’s not like you’re in charge of me, you’re not my Mum, my Dad, you’re not Leah, you don’t fucking get to constantly nag me about food, you have no fucking idea what is going on. Just leave me alone” she stood there in shock that day and so did you, before you ran up to your room and locked it, she did know what was going on which is why she was trying to say things lightly, however she forgot that you wouldn’t have taken them lightly she had been in your position a few years ago and felt so bad that she forgot what it felt like when someone said something like that, so she stepped back.

You also started to wear obviously baggier clothes after your first period, you loved to wear anything with spaghetti straps that’s coverage stopped at your ribs, Leah referred to your clothes as ‘non-clothes’ saying you may as well just wear your underwear. But now you would always be found in a baggy overside hoodie or shirt and a pair of sweats, to be fair it was winter, however even in winter you would wear your Nike Pros and a cropped hoddie or cropped rugby jumpers, so the girls were confused and they didn’t really understand why you started wearing trackies and hoodies but the one day they had discussed it Alessia told them to just leave it be and she would deal with it. She wasn’t sure how she would deal with it, however the moment arrived on your team trip to Ibiza.

_____

It was the fourth day of your holiday trip with the team and today it was decided that you were all going to the beach, you had managed to suggest other activities, and avoided the beach for the previous three days. The girls were slightly confused as to why you were avoiding the beach as usually you were the one to suggest it and you always jumped at the idea. You loved to wear the skimpiest bikini Leah (or your Mum – depending on whether it was a team or family trip) would let you get away with, lounging on the sand for half of the day getting a good tan before turning into a four-year-old and splashing everyone in the ocean. You even once filled up a bucket of water and tipped it over Katie’s head when she was sleeping on the beach, it was safe to say you regretted that one.

“Come-on, Y/N lets go to the beach.” Alessia said as she pounded on your door, she waited a bit “If you don’t come out in the next minute, I will assume you’re sick and I’ll come in, whether you are dressed or not”.

“I’m still getting ready” you told her.

“How? Just choose the aquamarine bikini set, the side tie and triangle bikini ones, as I’ve told you before it definitely has the least coverage and Leah lets you wear it, and you always wear it, it’s your favourite, every time after I tell you to put it on you thank me, just chuck it on and let’s go” for some reason these words caused a tear to roll down your cheek, as you stared down at the bikini set that was laid out on your bed in front of you, the exact set Alessia said to put on, however there was one problem, it didn’t fit anymore, you tried it on last night and it didn’t fit, you had developed slightly since the last time you wore it and now it would be considered inappropriate to wear, you didn’t see it that way though in your mind you were too fat to fit into your own bikini.

“Less, just go down and meet the girls I’ll be like 5 minutes, I promise,” you said trying to get Alessia off your back, you felt as though you would break any second and you didn’t want Alessia there when you did.

“No, I’m waiting, why aren’t you ready yet though? You’ve had all morning, quite literally. Are you okay?” Alessia said back, she had some idea of what might be happening behind that door, she could feel it in the air, you were going to break, and she promised the girls she would help you and that they didn’t need to worry.

“I just can’t find them, I-I’m fine ” You said whilst your voice broke a little, ‘shit’ you thought to yourself, she will know something is not right and she won’t leave.

“Well, I hope you have pants on because I’m coming in,” she said half-jokingly, half seriously, whilst flinging your door open. “Um… what are these?” She said as she picked up the bikini set off the bed. Tears started streaming down your face as she looked over to you, you were caught. “Hey, what’s up?” She asked in a soft tone, you didn’t reply and slid down the wall, your knees were up near your chest as you hugged your legs, your head placed on your knees, your body started shaking from your sobs.

You heard Alessia’s footsteps, and then the creek of the door, then her footsteps stopped, maybe everyone was right, maybe no one actually liked you, Alessia just saw you start sobbing and left, maybe you were just a burden, maybe no one cared about you, maybe they wanted you gone, maybe …. “Y/N” your thought train was interrupted, Alessia was back, she sat down next to you and pulled you into her lap, at first you resisted but you gave up, she lightly pushed your head into her neck, and immediately you let your body relax against hers, you were still shaking from your crying and Alessia just let you sit there while she held you tightly rubbing your back. “Hey, can you drink some water for me?” Alessia said, her voice laced with concern, it had been at least five minutes, and you hadn’t calmed down, reluctantly you took the water bottle of her and took some small sips. “Thank you, now I think we both know what is going on here, but I would like to hear it from you,” she said, you knew this was coming honestly you expected this conversation weeks ago when you snapped at her but it didn’t mean you were prepared for it at all, you let out a sigh, “I promise I’m here for you, I won’t leave you alone, I’ll be here for you every step of the way, I’ll help you, your like my little sister, I care about you and I want to help, but I need you to tell me what’s up,” she said, a tear rolled down her check she knew the pain you were feeling and wished she could make it magically disappear but she couldn’t.

“I’m f-fat,” you cried out.

“That’s not true, you know that”.

“Yes, it is, I got my period, I don’t fit into my bikini and I-”

“Oh baby girl,” Alessia cuts you off pulling you in tighter, she didn’t need the rest, she had seen it, they girls had seen it, but they had hoped you hadn’t but obviously you had, “I promise you, you are most definitely not fat, getting your period just means that you’re getting healthy, and maturing and every girl grew out of their clothes at one stage, I grew out of multiple bikinis at your age and I still do but that doesn’t mean I’m fat does it? I promise none of us think that your fat, or unfit and I swear on my life that every single girl in this team would do anything for you, we all care about you so much and we all love you so much,”

“Okay, I-I’m sorry” you replied to her, you had slightly calmed down but tears were still streaming down your face.

“For what?” Alessia asked confused, “Being a burden”.

“Baby, you know you’re not a burden, this isn’t your fault, we will get you help okay, I can talk to the girls, to Leah but you will also have to talk to her yourself, I’ll help you, I can come with you to see Jonas, we can make a plan with Leah, and I promise every single girl on the team will also be with you every step of the way okay?”

“Okay, can we stay here for a bit?” You ask.

“Well, I think the girls are getting a little worried, what if we go down to the swimwear store and I buy you some new swimmers, whatever you like and then we can go to the beach, and you don’t have to swim if you don’t want to, I can stay with you if you want, but I think we should at least go down to the beach.” Alessia said as she dragged you up, she grabbed you both towels, hats and she grabbed her sunnies. You followed her down to the swim store and bought a nice set of bathers.

You made your way to the beach, Leah stood up and walked over to you, “Are you okay?” she asked as she gave you a hug, looking at Alessia for an answer as to why your face was puffy and tear stained, “She will be okay, we’ll talk about it later, let’s just enjoy our beach day first” Leah’s brow furrowed but she nodded her head, Leah trusted Alessia, so she decided to leave it until the end of the day. You were nervous for the conversation that was to be had at the end of the day but for now you decided to enjoy your beach day, but it was a bit more relaxed today you sat and talked with the older girls rather than messing about with the younger girls, you even fell asleep while tanning, you woke up to Leah reapplying your sunscreen and as promised Alessia stayed with you all day.

[once-upon-an-animation]

Alright PJO fandom. Let’s clear the air on something real quick.

So if you’ve watched the PJO premiere, I’m sure one of the major changes you noticed was Gabe, and how toned down his behavior is compared to the books. There is also a clear change in the dynamic between Gabe and Sally, with Sally being more assertive and snarky with him.

The fandom seems pretty split on this change. Some people hate it and feel that a dark yet important aspect of the narrative has been lost, some people are neutral about it and are wondering if the whole Poker Player Statue bit is getting removed, and some people welcome this change, saying that Sally is more cool, strong, and badass now, and that showing a woman staying in abusive relationship in hopes of protecting her kid is not okay for current audiences.

To the people who are saying that Sally is more cool, badass, and strong now…

…FUCK YOU.

And here’s why.

I cannot even begin to describe how awful and disgusting it is to imply that book-Sally was weaker, less cool, and less strong because she struggled to stand up to her abuser, struggled to balance the need to leave an abusive relationship and the desire to protect her kid, and found herself making difficult choices in an abusive household. I am baffled that people think that this is an okay thing to say in the year of 2023, going on to 2024.

Are all of you shitting me right now? Are you seriously fixing your fingers to imply that book-Sally is inferior to show-Sally because her story reflects an ugly truth about how hard it is for mothers to stand up to their abusers while trying to look out for their children? Are you all fucking joking?

I have never felt so angry to see so many people diminish what book-Sally went through, and claim that it would be bad to depict something like that on TV. I know what Sally goes through is triggering and not fun to watch, but it is the very fact that her story reflects an ugly truth about what many wives go through that I think her struggle with an abusive husband is so fucking important!

Yes, we don’t want to encourage victims to stay in abusive relationships. Yes, we don’t want to make women feel like the only way to be a good, loving mother is to endure bad situations for your kids. Yes, we want to make it clear to mothers that they, under no circumstances, are obligated to endure an abuser. HOWEVER, the ugly and unfortunate reality is that many mothers have such a strong desire to protect their kids that they will find themselves making this unfortunate choice, and that is not a truth we should shy away from. A depiction of difficult choices that victims feel like they have to make is not necessarily an endorsement of that choice, but rather, a realistic reflection of what people go through.

And I will be DAMNED if I sit here quietly and watch so many of you tread into victim-blamey territory, or imply that book-Sally is somehow inferior because she struggled with the courage to leave and accept the risk of Percy not having Gabe’s protective smell. I literally saw a comment on Reddit where someone was trying to defend the change, and they typed out the sentence “You know what’s not badass? Staying in an abusive relationship.”

As if most abuse victims have the full freedom, resources, and support to just pick up and leave whenever. As if every choice that an abuse victim makes isn’t being made in the context of danger, pressure, stress, anxiety, depression, fatigue, and so much more. As if an abused woman’s top priority should be to look “badass” instead of trying to take care of herself.

I am a proud Book-Sally defender, and I will happily fight anyone who dares to imply she isn’t as strong or badass as show-Sally because standing up to her abuser wasn’t easy for her. I am extremely disappointed in this fandom for this ugly language regarding book-Sally in comparison to show-Sally.

And quite frankly? All of you can kiss my ass.

[0nlythrowharrybeaux]

The Divine Feminine**

It's here! I got obsessed and put off writing the next WW chapter, but I hope you guys like this enough to forgive me! This is very much female body worshiping kind of smut!

Warnings: roofying attempt, human x supernatural relationship, edging, pain kink, overstimulation, forced orgasms, nipple play, oral (fem & male receiving), anal play (fem receiving), unprotected sex, CNC, slight degradation (if you squint real hard). I think that's it?

WC: 11.2k

Here's my masterlist

Hades was quite literally miserable when the time came for Persephone to leave the underworld. Like clockwork, Hermes would show up and escort her back to Olympus where she’d be for six long and dreadful months. That’s why he found himself up on earth on this night, he liked to come up and just people watch sometimes. Being a god, nothing slipped past him and unfortunately, for the people he honed in on, it was judgement day. He wasn’t in a great mood, so he was particularly harsh as he watched people and imagined what kind of afterlife they’d be up against when their time to join him came.

He knew how to disguise himself well and for the task at hand he didn’t want to call too much attention to himself. So he was currently looking like an older man, his outfit was nearly matching that of the waiters, and he just hung back alone in his seat in the corner of the bar. It was a luxurious one. He liked coming to this bar because he knew that the people here were riddled with secrets and that as gorgeous as their physical appearances and displays were, their hearts and souls were dark and ugly and full of ill will. 

He was mentally condemning some lady for gossiping about her daughter in law when he saw a young woman being helped into a seat in the other back corner of the room, just across from him. She reminded him a bit of Persephone, her coy smile and benevolent eyes were so distinct. He tuned in his hearing just as she thanked her date for his chivalry. As the night went on he continued minding the couple. It was their second date and they seemed to be getting on well enough. But suddenly he got a bad feeling about the man before her and he focused harder to tune everything else out and be able to hear what was truly going on in his head. The man was upset that this gorgeous woman he was with hadn’t put out and he was going to have her tonight, regardless of what she wanted. This infuriated him and made his fists tighten in rage because this reminded him of his own perfect wife. 

People could say or think whatever they wanted about he and Persephone, but only them two knew why he kidnapped her from Olympus. Her beauty was incomparable and the gods and goddesses up there were just as depraved and wretched as the people here. They were full of lust and spite and jealousy and he knew what they were capable of, so he took her away before they could hurt her. Obviously, to cover his ass own ass, Zeus changed the story to continue feeding this narrative of him being the good one and Hades being the villain, but it couldn’t have been further from the truth. And he watched in horror from his dark corner as this man slipped something in her drink while she was off in the restroom. He had to do something, he would deal with that prick when his time came. He stood and headed off behind the heavy velvet, scarlet curtain that led to the bathrooms. He stepped inside and found he was alone and he closed his eyes and willed away his disguise. His true appearance was gorgeous and angelic, perfect in every way. His looks helped his charm go a lot further and right now he needed to make this girl trust him. So he stepped out of the bathroom and waited a bit longer until she stepped out of the bathroom. Their eyes met briefly and she offered him a smile politely as she started to head off.

“Excuse me, miss?” He spoke up and she turned around.

“Me?” She asked and the second their eyes met again he felt overcome with her beauty. It wasn’t just physically, the beauty of her soul emanated from her so strongly it called to that part of him that he often suppressed and saved for his wife. He swallowed thickly as he tried to remember what he was supposed to be doing.

“Ummm, yes. Y-you don’t know me at all, but I needed to come and tell you that I saw the man you’re with put something in your drink while you were gone.” He explained and she immediately frowned.

“Seriously?” She asked with so much hurt and disappointment in her voice and he nodded.

“Yeah, I just wanted to let you know because it would be awful if something happened to you.” He said and she sighed and looked down at her shoes before looking back into his eyes. 

“Wow, thank you so much. I don’t…I don’t even know what to say.” She said quietly in disbelief.

“It’s alright. Again, just want to make sure you’re alright.” He assured with sincerity.

“Yeah…ummm, I don’t even know if I should go back out there.” She said quietly, “He drove me here.” She explained with concern.

“Well if you’d like to go that back door leads to the alley and you could slip out undetected.” He suggested and she bit on her lip pensively for a moment as she weighed out the option.

“I don’t know, isn’t that rude?” She asked and he chuckled.

“He was about to drug you. I’d say not.” He said and she chuckled breathily as she realized what she had just asked.

“Right.” She shook her head as if that would help clear away all of the thoughts screaming and shouting for her attention in her head. He could hear them and her concerns and her hurt and he just wanted to help her, “Maybe I should go.” She said and he nodded. He led her to the back of the hallway and opened the door up for her. She was now standing right in front of him, looking deeply into his eyes with gratitude. The slight breeze was wafting that delicious cocktail of her natural scent and her perfume right into his face and he had never felt so tempted or hungry for a human in his life. 

Even he could see the effect that he had on her. He could read her mind after all and she was dying to look him over, but she was too shy to and not allowing herself to check him out. 

“Ummm, I’m Y/N, what was your name? I didn’t get it.” She said and well, he was kind of frazzled.

“Ha-” he paused when he realized he was about to reveal his true name, “Harry. I’m Harry.”

“Well, thank you, Harry.” she said with a small smile and he shook his head.

“No need, just doing the right thing.” He assured and she nodded and slipped out. As soon as the heavy door shut he missed her. He could follow her, but that was dangerous. His resolve would surely break if he got any closer to her, so he decided to retire for the evening. With a touch of his finger to the wall he opened up a portal back to the underworld where he would revel in his victory for the night and plot the demise of the wicked souls he had encountered up above.

**********

It had been three weeks and Y/N could not stop thinking about the handsome stranger who had helped her escape from her date with Nicholas. Truly, she had dated him to give him and herself a chance. He seemed nice and they had mutual friends…She was ready to finally get back out there after her breakup last year and this was what she got? Well, she was grateful actually because it could’ve been worse, a lot worse. Many people, women especially, don’t get that lucky. 

Admittedly, she had been looking around town for him and had yet to spot him anywhere. She tried her best to describe him to her friends from work and they hadn’t ever seen anyone like him. They didn’t live in a huge town, but it was a rather wealthy community, so maybe he had been here in passing on business or something? She wasn’t wealthy by any means, she was actually a 3rd grade teacher at one of the private schools in this suburban town, so she knew and heard plenty about the townspeople from the gossipy moms and dads and she hadn’t heard anything about anyone named Harry. And in a way she was disappointed at the lack of presence from her mysterious hero. Maybe he was her guardian angel? She believed in a higher power and maybe that had worked in her favor that night? Whatever it was that called on him to save her, she was eternally grateful and willing for fate to allow her to see him again.

**********

Hades couldn’t stop thinking about the girl, Y/N. It had almost been a month and she was engraved in his mind. He was in a conflict because he was reliable, consistent, and above all else faithful to his wife, Persephone. It didn’t matter to him that she was ripped away from him for months at a time, he had never, ever been tempted or even looked upon another being with the lust and want he had for her. She was the sole object of his obsession, passion, and love for millennia. And now this other woman, a human no less, was flooding his mind. He knew that what he did with another being didn’t matter to Persephone. Being one of the big three meant that he needed to produce heirs from time to time. These heirs would grow to be leaders and agents of change in the world, they were more susceptible to the gods’ will and influence and this helped the gods manage the world without having to get too hands on. He would typically fulfill this by donating sperm and letting it all happen on its own, unlike his brothers who would manipulate and take the mate they wanted. He hadn’t been with anyone after Persephone, but she would always assure him that it would be alright if he found someone that he wanted to produce his heir or even be with during their time apart. It wasn’t like Persephone didn’t take lovers, she was a queen, a goddess, she could do whatever she well pleased, it was her choice. Hades wasn’t jealous though because he knew that at the end of the day she was his and he knew that Persephone would feel the same if he took any lovers. He just hadn’t ever needed to or wanted to. 

But as the days passed and he gave it more thought it became clearer and clearer to him that the only way through these feelings of longing was to find Y/N and see her again. He made preparations to have a place to settle for some time on earth, because even if he found her, he had a feeling that he would need to work up the courage to do something about everything he felt for her.

**********

Y/N had truly given up on finding Harry after nearly two months of searching so when she walked into her usual cafe on a Saturday morning she was frozen at the door for a few seconds when she saw him grabbing his order from the pick-up counter. She finally started to walk towards him, to catch him before he left.

“Harry?” She asked and he glanced up from checking the time on his watch. He looked surprised, “Hi.” She said with a smile of disbelief, “I don’t know if you even remember me, but-”

“Y/N. How could anyone forget you?” He asked with a demure smile as he saw her look away bashfully for a moment and he could hear the excited pounding of her heart and her thoughts in a frenzy. He even caught a “he’s so much hotter than I remember” and he struggled to bite back his grin with that one. This was purely coincidental, he hadn’t been looking for her today, he had been for a week already once he settled in, but today he just needed a break and suddenly here she was.

“You’re too sweet.” She mumbled with a humble shake of her head, “I ummm- it’s good to see you.” She said and finally looked back into his eyes. She was about to say she’s been looking everywhere for him, but maybe that wouldn’t be the best way to start this out.

“You as well, I’ve ummm, I’ve thought of you often.” He admitted and she felt a shot of excitement zap through her body.

“Oh. Me too!” She said and then shook her head, “Me of you, not me of me. Er- I’ve thought about you too. A lot.” She explained quite badly and his lips quirked up to the left, carving his dimple deep into his cheek, “Not like weirdly “a lot”, like the normal amount of thinking you can do about a person, you know?” She fumbled on her words.

“Yeah, I know what you mean.” He assured with an amused smile. His smile widened even more so when a thought about her getting herself off to him crossed her mind. He had to look away because he didn’t care who was around, with a snap of his fingers he would open up a portal and take here somewhere secluded and do whatever she wanted him to do to her.

“Y-you do?” She asked and he nodded.

“Yeah.” 

“Oh, OK.” She smiled nervously and he chuckled. He forgot what humans were like in this capacity. They were skittish and played coy, despite the perverse and obscene things that went on in their minds. It was adorable.

“Are you doing anything right now?” He asked and she bit her lip as she shook her head, “Would you like to join me for breakfast?” He asked his next question.

“I’d love to, but you look like you’re busy today.” She explained with a shake of her head. She was nervous, it was coming off of her in tsunami-like waves. 

“That can wait.” He said nonchalantly with a smile. Yeah, he did have something planned, but finding her was more important. It was the reason he had temporarily relocated to this hellish, suburban town.

“I would hate to impose-”

“Didn’t you just say you’ve been thinking of me. A lot? But not weirdly a lot.” He asked with a smirk and she giggled nervously.

“I uh-I believe I did say that.” She admitted.

“Well then?” He asked, “Unless you’re busy.”

“I’m not. I’m just in shock is all. I’ve been looking for you everywhere.” She explained, speaking her thoughts without really thinking and then she scrunched her face up in embarrassment as she winced a bit. “Just ignore me. My brain’s all out of whack today.” She tagged on quickly and he grinned. If this was her just nervous to see him he couldn’t wait to see the state of her after he’d had his way with her. Her brain would be mush and she’d only be thinking about sex, cock, and him until the day she died. 

  “I think I make you a little nervous.” He decided to say, there was confidence laced into his words and it made her knees weak.

“I’m not nervous.” She fibbed, but he decided not to challenge her on this.

“Oh, my mistake. I just assumed because you make me a little nervous.” He confessed and she looked surprised at his candor.

“I make you nervous?” She asked and he shrugged with a smile. 

She certainly did. If only she knew that she had an all powerful god frazzled and fumbling and questioning all of his morals and ethics and the sanctity of his marriage. At this moment Y/N was the most powerful woman in the universe and she didn’t even know it. To her, this man was a perfect stranger, but he had saved her and he hadn’t even sought a form of repayment for his good deed. She considered it stupid and maybe others would find her naive and idiotic but she trusted him. 

“Ummm, let’s do it.” She decided and his smile just lit up his face and persuaded her own smile to shine through.

“Perfect. Did you want your coffee from here?”

“It’s alright I can get it from wherever we go.” she assured.

“I don’t know the area too well yet, is there any place you prefer?”

“Ummm, yeah I do. It’s just down the street if you want to walk?” She asked and he nodded. They were both a bit more quite as they walked down the sidewalk and to the restaurant, but it was mainly because they were both trying to organize all of the questions in their heads. 

The restaurant was on the smaller side, quaint, and mostly filled with older folks. They all looked happy to be here though and well they were all thinking good things. It almost felt like they were in a different world in here. There was older music playing over the speakers and the smell of coffee and pastries and other kinds of foods wafted about the space. They were tucked into a booth near the back, the sun was still coming through the roll-up blinds though and lighting their space up nicely.

“This is a hidden gem. There’s no waitlist or drunk girls puking up their mimosas and French toast in the bathrooms…” she mused and he chuckled, “I’ve tried nearly everything on the menu, it’s delicious and tastes like a home-cooked meal.” She assured and he nodded.

He never really understood what humans meant by that. Being a god, everything that he ate tasted amazing, whether it actually was good or not. But he could only assume it had a lot to do with comfort and familiarity rather than quality, which was interesting to him. That seemed to be a common thread that weaved through many aspects of humankind. Even in harder or unpleasant situations, humans would choose familiarity over quality, over everything that was clearly better for them. That’s why they suffered so much, it was hard for them to let go and that infuriated him for the most part. But not when it came to her, she could do no wrong. He liked her nostalgia and he wanted to make her feel happy and safe and comfortable.

“Well I’ll have whatever you’re having.” He said and she smiled.

“OK.” 

They were sat around for a couple more moments before Y/N ordered for them and the lady headed off to put in their orders.

“So, you said you’re still new here.” She brought up.

“Ummm yes, I came on business two months ago, when we ran into each other and I’ve been relocated here for work for a few months. I’m in industrial and structural development.” He explained and Y/N nodded in understanding.

“Oh, nice.” She said and he nodded.

“What do you do?”

“I’m a teacher, 3rd grade.” She shared. 

“Oh that’s nice. I can picture you doing that. It matches your vibe.” He said and she smiled.

“I hope that’s a good thing?”

“Yeah, you seem like a very caring and nurturing person.” He explained and she smiled.

“Oh, ummm thank you.”

“Yeah, of course.” He smiled, “So what ummm, ended up happening with that guy?” He asked and she rolled her eyes.

“I confronted him about it. Told him I saw what he did, which was a little fib, but eh. He freaked out and cried because he was scared I would call the cops on him.”

“Did you?”

“No, I threatened to if I ever found out he did anything like that ever again.” She said and he nodded.

“What a prick.”

“Yeah, he kinda was.” She said.

“So you’re single?” He asked and she bit her lip and nodded.

“Yep.”

“Well that’s good news.” He smiled.

“Yep.” She said again nervously and he chuckled.

“What’s wrong?” He asked and she shrugged.

“I don’t know, I’m just trying to figure you out I guess.” She explained.

“OK, what’re you trying to figure out?”

“Just your vibe. Like you’re humble but you also give off this confidence like you own the world and I’m trying to understand how you can have both.” She explained and he smiled.

“Unfortunately for you, that’s a question you can’t know the answer to. But ummm, it’s not an act if that…helps satiate your curiosity.” He said and she tried to hold back her smile, but it was hard to.

The only thing she wanted satiated was her need for him. In a way having him right before her was doing enough for her because for a while there she considered that she had imagined him. That maybe she had ingested a tiny bit of the drugged up drink and hallucinated this adonis of a man who helped her escape a very dangerous situation. But he wasn’t a hallucination or a figment of her imagination, he was right here, right in front of her and there was nothing she wanted more than to just stare at him until her eyes dried out and every detail of him was engraved in her mind. Well, if he couldn’t answer that question she would ask another questions.

“Well are you…single?” She asked and he raised his left hand to show her his fingers devoid of any rings and she smirked.

“That doesn’t mean you’re single.” She said and he chuckled.

“Oh, right!” He chuckled, “S’different here.” He mumbled lowly which confused Y/N a bit, “But yeah, I’m single.” He assured and she smiled and nodded. 

She was a literal angel. Everything about her had him wanting more and he loved the feeling of the chase as well. He wanted to tell her all of his secrets, he wanted her to know that she was so perfectly divine that even a god had fallen victim to her charm. Even after they left they continued talking as they strolled through the downtown area. They both wanted the same thing but were a bit hesitant to come out and say it. Especially Y/N, she was nervous to just jump into something physical with him after just properly meeting him, but the attraction she felt was palpable around her. He decided he would make this easy on her and decide for the both of them.

“Well, I really should be getting back to business, but I’m really glad we ran into each other again, Y/N.” He said with a kind and friendly smile.

“Ummm, yeah me too, Harry.” She responded and then bit her lip nervously for a moment, “W-would you like to do something with me tomorrow night?” She asked before she could chicken out and he smiled. He was about to extend an invitation.

“I was just about to ask the same thing.” He chuckled and she did as well, “What did you have in mind?” He asked.

“You first.” She said and he smiled.

“Alright, well I was just going to suggest dinner.”

“Oh, me too. Well at my place, but we don’t have to do that if you don’t want! We can go somewhere too.”

“That’s alright, sounds like a good time.” He said and she smiled.

“Sounds good. Ummm, let me give you my number.” She said and he panicked for a moment.

“I uh, I don’t have a cellphone. Actually.” He explained and her eyes narrowed a bit.

“Oh?”

“Just… addiction to technology and lack of social interaction really peeves me off. I do have a landline at my place though and well email.” He said and she smiled.

“Well that works too! Do you have a pen?” She asked and he nodded and pulled one out of his jacket pocket and handed it over to her. He was a bit shocked when she grabbed his hand and splayed out his palm, “Sorry if it tickles.” She said quietly as the pen glided across his palm with her guidance and formed the digits of her phone number, “There you are.” She said as she pulled back and he looked down at his hand and then smiled up at her.

“Thanks. I shouldn’t be too busy tomorrow, but I’ll call around lunch and we can decide on a time?”

“Perfect. Can’t wait.” She said softly and smiled.

“Me either.” He assured and they waved before they went their separate ways.

*********

All day Y/N could not stop thinking about Harry. About his beautiful smile and bright eyes, his manners and his way of being. He reminded her of those perfect gentlemen from those movies from the 30’s and 40’s, but at the same time she could sense a cheekier side to him that she wanted to discover. He made her feel like she’d never had a crush before - it was almost obsessive and she felt juvenile and out of control, it was amazing.

Y/N was literally counting down the hours until they would meet again. She wanted to impress him, make something delicious and special. She also wanted to be delicious and special for him and so upon deciding what she would be cooking she went to the grocery store and on top of the ingredients to their dinner, she purchased three bottles of concentrated pineapple juice and several packs of pineapple spears; she was sure she didn’t need that much but she just knew that she wanted to be good for him in every way.

**********

In the same manner Harry was obsessing over how he would shift the mood into a sexual one. He wanted her, badly. He even sent word to Persephone, just to let her know that he had decided to take a lover, as he suspected, she didn’t mind it. But telling her made it real and as he laid in bed alone with an insane boner raging in his pants he thought about all the things he wanted to do to her and the more and more he thought about it the more he came to the conclusion that he wanted to completely consume her, he wanted to ruin her for any mere mortal who had the chance to see her in that way. He wanted to be at the forefront of her mind every time she got wet, every time she touched herself, every time that she looked at a man or woman or any other being that made lust brew inside of her.

He needed to come. The ache he felt was unmatched but he didn’t want to waste his sperm on a wank. He wanted to save all he could for her. He wanted her to taste it and to paint her skin with it and to fuck it into her until she couldn’t take anymore. He had to be patient.

*********

Y/N had done herself up a bit, not in a way that it made it too obvious, but just enough to hint that this was a special occasion. And when her doorbell rang she started to get antsy as she fluttered around her condo trying to catch any final details that needed her attention on her way to the front door. She took a deep breath before she unlocked the door and opened it up to reveal Harry holding a bottle of wine, looking handsome as ever in a gorgeous deep blue suit, he was wearing a light gray, silk shirt underneath that he might as well should’ve left unbuttoned. Her thoughts immediately shifted from joy to lust. She felt her mouth pool with saliva at the grin he was wearing to greet her. His mouth was moving but she didn’t register anything that he’d just said.

“Fuck me. Fuck me. Fuck me.” Were the only thoughts Harry could hear from her mind, they were being screamed so loudly. He couldn’t help but grin smugly as her mind literally blanked of everything but lust. He could feel the shift of her mood and her energy. His was in a similar state. He might be the all-powerful being in this situation, but she had him at her mercy and there was absolutely nothing she could ask for that he wouldn’t grant to her. Hades’ was a lot of things, but his devotion and determinedness were so uniquely his that when he set his mind to something absolutely nothing could ever stop him. It was the reason he was cast down into the underworld all by himself. He was obsessive and passionate when he set his sights on something he deemed worthwhile and right now that was her. So he just reached forward and put a hand on her waist and pressed her inside before kicking the door closed behind him and turning the deadbolt with his mind. She was too enraptured in him to noticed that though. Their eyes were locked on each others, they were communicating silently, instinctually - he could enter her mind if he chose, let her know that he was listening - but he didn’t want to freak her out. 

“Should we skip to the good part?” He asked quietly and she bit her lip and nodded with dark eyes and he just set the bottle of wine down on the nearest surface before taking her face in his hands and kissing her deeply and hungrily. He hadn’t had a human in ages and he was glad she was his first in that long. Her mouth was warm and sweet and so fucking lush - her body wreaked of desire, it was making him go mad as they bumped into a wall hard as they got lost in their kiss. The experience was overwhelming for him, it was almost a sensory overload. He could hear her filthy thoughts and the blood pumping hard through her veins and feel her want emanating from her, he could sense the shift in her energy. “You’re so fucking perfect, you know that?” He mumbled against her lips. “I’ve never wanted anything more.” His words made her melt in his arms.

“You can have me.” She panted and he groaned.

“Where’s your bedroom?” He asked and she looked into his eyes and kissed him once more before taking his hand and dragging him through her home and into her bedroom. She had plugged in her candle warmers and so her room was glowing nicely and it smelled delicious, not as delicious as her, but the detail wasn’t missed by him. He smiled at the tidy and relaxing vibe in her bedroom, she had big windows facing the west, though they were closed now. And her bed was big, which was perfect.

“This is it.” She said quietly before turning to him and he smiled at her.

“It’s lovely. I like it.” He complimented and she smiled.

“Thank you.” She hummed.

“Your bed’s really big for such a small person.” He said and she giggled.

“Thanks, it’s also very comfortable.” She grinned and he smirked. 

“Good. So what should I do to you on it first?” He asked as he took off his jacket and she bit her lip. The first thing that popped into her mind was getting eaten out, no one had gone down on her and actually made her come from it in a while, she hoped he’d be good, “Should I… start with my mouth?” He asked and she swallowed thickly. It was almost like he was reading her mind and she nodded, “Yeah?” He asked with a grin. She felt so small as he stepped right up to her and she looked up at him and nodded, “Use your words, angel.” He said softly as he started to unbutton the few buttons he had done up on his shirt and she shivered.

“Yes, please.” She said and he hummed.

“Please what?” He asked as he let his shirt fall to the floor. Her eyes raked up and down his perfect and enviable physique with lust.

“Please lick my pussy.” She got out and he smirked as he grabbed the back of her neck and kissed her again. Without another word he started to undress her. First he threw off her top and reared back a bit to admire the shape of her breasts sitting in the flimsy and sheer bra she had on. Her nipples were straining against the mesh and it made his mouth water. He wanted to suck them sensitive, they were so pretty. His large hand slid down her spine until he reached the clasp of it and he pinched the two bands together, causing them to unhook. She helped get it off of her body and he smiled as he watched her breasts now free of the material he looked into her eyes as he brought his hands up to touch them, he touched everywhere but her nipples and it was making her impatient.

She felt herself throbbing in her pants and with any squeeze or clenching of her thighs she could feel the delicious and slippery glide of her labia drenched in her arousal. She was on edge as he teased her. When his hands slid down to her waist he turned her around and sat on her bed, pulling her onto his lap. This is it. She thought to herself as he kissed down her neck, his soft and wet lips sponged down her throat, her skin burned in the wake of his kisses. She wanted to wear his mark on her skin and he heard this thought loud and clear and he dipped down further and sucked the top of her breast between his lips.

“Mmm….” She whimpered quietly as he started to suck harder. Her fingers tangled into the back of his hair as he marked her skin, sucking up the blood to the surface and popping off to inspect the love bite he left on her. After seeing the one it’s like he became obsessed and started nibbling and sucking more marks into her breasts. Harry could feel her clenching her pussy in time with the harsh sucks he was giving and it’s was getting her so close to coming undone, that had never happened to her before. He kissed her sternum and then glanced up into her eyes.

“Have you ever come like this?” He asked, yet again, basically reading her mind.

“No.” She exhaled.

“Do you want me to try to make you come like this?” He asked and she bit her lip and nodded quickly. Harry smirked at her urgency. Her nipples were so hard they were a bit sore and that was exactly where he wanted her. Harry squeezed her right breast and he glanced up into her eyes as he let his tongue roll out of his mouth. The sheer anticipation made her entire body tremble, he then licked around her areola and she huffed quietly in some disappointment, but his warm breath still fanned over her nipple just enough to keep her encouraged that he’d soon get there. He did the same to her other breast before he gave her a few squeezes, minding to slot her nipples between his fingers to exclude them from his actions.

“Harry, please.” She keened desperately. He grinned and bit down on his lip as he looked at the intense desperation in her eyes, “Please.”

“I’ll get there, angel.” He assured and she huffed softly with so much impatience. She literal felt like she was going to explode. He grabbed her from her bum and turned them over so that she dropped onto her bed. Once again, he kissed down her sternum and her stomach as his hands started to undo her pants. He swiftly got them down her legs, not taking her underwear off just yet, but he didn’t miss the wet spot on the crotch of her baby pink panties. He straddled her and the weight of his body was so comforting she let her eyes close. Harry let his hands run up her stomach and then one of his hands slid up the valley of her breasts, stopping just below her throat and without any warning he raked his blunt nails from there all the way down to the edge of her panties. Y/N gasped and her back arched up at the new feeling, her skin was littered in goosebumps and he grinned smugly at her reaction. Harry decided to just make her come already and so he cupped her breasts again and very lightly traced his thumbs over her nipples and she moaned softly as her eyes met his. 

“Feels good, angel?” He asked and she nodded quickly, “And if I…” he trailed off and then flicked at both of the little buds simultaneously and she gasped at the slight shock that shot through her body, but her mind was screaming for more. He smiled at her reaction to this. Harry loved mixing pain with pleasure, there was a fine line to tread when it came to the pain kink and he was very confident in his ability to give anyone a pain kink. The lengths that the brain would go to, to ensure that a person derived pleasure from something was incredible. He smirked and then did it again and as the slight pain radiated through her body he then pinched her nipples and she cried out in pain and shock. Her hands came up and grabbed his wrists, he loved the sensation of her nails digging into his skin.

“It hurts!” She whimpered.

“You can take it. Clench your little pussy, tighten up for me and then let go.” He said squeezing a bit more and she hissed. He felt her legs tense up beneath his body and he bit his lip as she squirmed a bit more before she moaned in pleasure and he felt his cock twitch as she gave in to the sensation, “That’s a good girl.” He hummed and then let go and she let go of his wrists and looked into his eyes. Hers were all glassy and pretty as they stared into his own. “Ready?” He asked and she nodded with her lip bitten between her teeth and as soon as she felt him pinch she clenched up her walls again and the pleasure came faster. She moaned again, louder this time as he twisted a bit. She started squirming and bucking her hips a bit as the pleasure started to bubble up beautifully inside of her.

“I-i’m so close!” She cried out and he smiled as he let go and she whined softly in displeasure as the feeling of her impending orgasm fizzled out slowly. He edged her this way a few more times until her nipples were so achey and sensitive and her pussy so sloppy and slick that even moving her legs made her breathing catch in her throat. She was trembling and squirming under his weight and that’s exactly how he wanted her. “Please, please, please, I need t’come.” She whimpered and he hummed smugly.

“Yeah? Want me to make you come, angel?” He asked and she nodded, “Been so good, think I will.” He said and she sighed I relief. He leaned down and pressed his lips to her warm, plump, and bitten lips. He pecked her a few times, the little smooching sounds of their lips meeting were driving her wild. She whimpered when he moved down her jaw, and then her neck, sucking his mark into her skin. He then licked down the column on her throat and then down her left breast and around her areola before he flicked his tongue back and forth over her nipple. She whimpered out in pleasure at the sensation of his tongue against her before he sucked it into his mouth, “Play with the other one and tighten up that pussy.” He mumble before he got back to it. His sucks went from light to heavy. The smooth texture of his tongue had her toes curling and her back arching. He then popped off and moved to the other one and she gasped. Her thighs were squeezing his hips and her stomach was tightening as that familiar sensation of an orgasm started growing, she was amazed that her pussy started contracting and the butterflies in her stomach started erupting in her tummy and her back started to arch to get more of her in his mouth. She wove her fingers into his hair again and gasped when he bit down on her nipple before sucking harder until she was shuddering and withering beneath his body with soft cries of overstimulation from her nipples. She was tense as Harry’s sucks softened and then his licks became light and feathery. He pressed a gentle kiss to one nipple and then the next before he kissed his way back up to her mouth.

“That was….” She paused as he kissed her deep, “So good. Wow.” She finished as he pulled back. He smiled as he nudged his nose with hers playfully and she bit her lip as their eyes met.

“You haven’t seen the half of it.” He hummed haughtily and she grinned with excitement. Harry proceeded to grab her around her waist and dragged them up so that she could be propped up on the pillows, he wanted her to watch him eat her pussy. He had been dying to get a taste, he could smell her arousal, and he just wanted to bury his face in her and taste her and lick her to his heart’s content. “Want you to watch.” He said against her ear and her skin broke out in goosebumps once again. His lips kissed down her jaw and down her neck and her chest, making her wince as he gave her nipples a few teasing sucks before spreading her legs, that were bent at the knees. He started to lower himself as he kissed each of her knees. He then tugged at her panties and she lifted her bum a bit to help him get them off and then he extended her legs over his shoulder to slide them off of her. He didn’t need to ask her to drop her legs open for him and show him her shimmering and swollen little cunt.

“Such a pretty little thing.” He hummed before licking over his lips. “You’re so fucking wet for me.” He hummed in excitement as he got down on his stomach to get a closer look. He did want to tease her, but his need to just get a taste was far greater. He had shown his restraint already, he could indulge in her now…he did want to make her come as many times as he possibly could.

Her little pussy was throbbing and her clit was all swollen. He wanted to roll his tongue all over it and suck on it until she was coming on his tongue. He decided that teasing could go to hell and he spread her open with his fingers and groaned as he laid his tongue flat over her and licked her right up. She exhaled shakily and reached into his hair to steady herself. She was so sweet and soft against his mouth. Harry moaned as he pressed open mouthed kisses from the top of her labia to her entrance, then going back to her clit and kissing her there over and over again until she was squirming. His tongue then laved at her whole, over and over again, from top to bottom, taking time to slow his licks down when he’d get to her clit. He’d swirl his tongue around and flick it against her sensitive little bud. And god, the sounds of him licking her up were ostentatious. Y/N’s breath was hitching in her throat as his actions made spikes of pleasure shoot through her entire body until her eyes were squeezing shut and she was calling out his name. She came quickly, grinding her hips against his face to maximize the sensation and stimulation to her throbbing cunt. She was whining softly as he seemingly cleaned her up a bit. 

“Oh fuuuuck!” She mewled when she felt two of his fingers sink inside of her in one go. Harry moaned at how hot and tight her little cunt was. Her walls where pulsing around him every now and again from the orgasms that had just passed and all he could envision was his cock sinking into her. She shot up to look at his actions as he hooked his fingers up and pressed them against the deepest most tender spot inside of her as his tongue swirled around her sensitive clit, “Mmmm what’re you doing to me?” she questioned as she shivered with pleasure.

“Making this pussy mine.” He hummed against her and she immediately started to come undone again. He picked up the speed of his fingers inside of her and increased the force. 

“Oh fuck! Oh fuck!” She gasped quietly, her voice cracking due to the pitch of it. And he moaned against her as he felt her start to squirt. Her head fell back into the pillows as her legs started to tremble, her stomach was tightening up as her pussy contracted uncontrollably. It felt that all the blood in her body had rushed to her head and all of the sounds in the world were muffled as this orgasm wiped her out. And just when she thought he was done he’d pick up again and get a little more out of her.

“Mmmm, taste so fucking good, angel.” He praised her and she was just spent. He sucked his fingers clean when he drew them out of her and then kissed her mouth, “So sweet, aren’t you? ”

“M-hmm.” She nodded still in a daze.

“Go on then, clean off my tongue, angel.” He said and she grabbed his face and held him still as she sucked what she could off his tongue. She’d never even considered doing something like that, but there was a first for everything and she loved it. “Get on all fours.” He said after she pulled away and she obliged. Harry kneaded her ass with his hands before giving her two big, hard swats, one on each cheek, she recoiled and groaned into the mattress. Before she even knew it his palm slapped against her sopping and hypersensitive pussy and she whined out and quickly brought her thighs together. She heard him chuckle and it made her pout, “Open up, angel. Let me see your pussy.” He said and she hesitantly parted her legs again and she cried out when he slapped her hard again, but this time he smoothed over it to ease the sting. When his tongue came back she felt relieved. And soon he started rubbing at her clit while he worked his way up to her little bum hole. 

“Mmmm, more.” She whimpered as he gently pushed his tongue into the much tighter entrance and he groaned.

“Yeah, I’ll give you more.” He mumbled as he sunk a finger back into her pussy. He twisted it around a couple times to really slick it up and then he dragged it up to her ass. “Please put it in.” She begged and he kissed her right cheek before adding more pressure to get it in.

“Relax, gotta relax f’me.” He reminded and she let out a slow breath before he tried again. She whimpered at the very snug fit and slight burn as he pushed it in deeper. Her wince faded and a quiet moan slipped from her mouth when he was in all the way. Harry then collected his saliva into his mouth and spit it against her little asshole before he got his mouth back on her cunt. His tongue was licking and thrusting right against her entrance, all of the little nerve endings there were alight and sending pleasure signals up to her brain. She could feel another orgasm approaching quickly. Her sound sound soft pleasure got a bit louder as the stimulation continued until her arms lost their strength. She was gasping limited air as her face was in the bed covers and it was making her orgasm more intense as it started to overcome her. Harry’s groans into her pussy felt like they were vibrating into her soul. Her cries were broken and feeble by now and she didn’t know if she could even take his cock for a while, but she did want to. When he finally drew away her legs also collapsed and Harry hummed in satisfaction before kissing up her spine as she caught her breath. “Did so well, angel.” He whispered quietly and she hummed as she turned her head slightly to the side so he could see her face as she offered him a tired smile.

“I’m so spent and you haven’t even gotten off.” She pointed out and he grinned.

“Don’t worry, I will.” He assured and she sniggered tiredly.

“When? Tomorrow? Because I don’t think I can handle any more tonight.” She said with some regret and he bit his lip as he laid down beside her and she laid on her side to face him. She smiled as he tucked her hair behind her ear as he watched her face for a few seconds.

“I want to tell you a secret.” He said and she hummed, encouraging him to go on, “I’m just…worried you’ll freak out.” He said as he started to caress her cheekbone with his knuckles.

“Well I might depending what it is.” She said and he smiled.

“Is it bad?” She asked worriedly and he sighed.

“I guess that depends more on how you feel about it.” He said and she looked into his eyes to try and decide if she wanted to risk this time being over after he ruined it with his secret, if she could just live without knowing, or if she could pretend not to let this secret do anything about this now and she could decide how she felt about it later, if that was possible. And as she searched his eyes she didn’t see a trace of malice or wrong or anything bad. She just saw green and sincerity and calm and humility. She did trust him after all.

“Ummm, OK, tell me.” She decided and then bit down on her lip nervously as she waited for him to say it.

“OK.” He said and then exhaled, “I’m not…human.” He started and her eyes narrowed in confusion, “I mean, I am right now, but I’m actually the god of the underworld, H-hades.” He said and she immediately pushed herself up to sit as her wide eyes took him in. She then grabbed a pillow to cover her body with as she observed him.

“Are you on drugs?” She asked and he chuckled as he sat up too and shook his head.

“No, they don’t…work on me, unfortunately.” He said and she frowned, “But I am telling you the truth. I can prove it.” He said and she bit her lip pensively for a moment.

“OK then.” She said quietly, her heart was racing now.

“You said you’re too spent to have sex but you really want to, right?” He asked, “Well, now you’re a bit hesitant but, that’s what you were thinking earlier.” She nodded in confirmation, “Can I show you something? I promise I won’t hurt you or do anything you don’t want, I just want to show you.” He said and she was filled with hesitation but nodded anyway, “OK, look into my eyes.” He said and she did.

“Wait, you’re not gonna turn me into stone are you because that would suck.” She said and he chuckled.

“No, angel. That’s not really in my skillset.” He assured and she smiled slightly. ‘Good, her walls are coming back down.’ He thought to himself. When they finally made eye contact again for a few moments she suddenly felt like she was stuck in her head. All floaty and weird, he was getting closer…wait, she was getting closer to him. Her body was acting without her permission. She was climbing onto him and trying to kiss him as he held her back.

“What the fuck is going on?!” She shouted, but she was just hearing it in her head, almost as if she were outside of her body. She was reaching for his pants, but then suddenly she snapped back out of it and he was holding her arms just above his erection. “What was that?” She asked panting heavily, still a bit freaked out at how that felt.

“I can control you. I can make you do or say anything I want. That’s typically how the other gods sleep with humans.” He said and her brows creased in understanding.

“Oh.”

“Yeah, so…they enchant them, so their body is doing everything that they want, but the person is just trapped in their head not able to do or say what they feel or want, we can still hear their thoughts in that state, but ummm, most don’t care. They just get used. Some people are aware of it, some aren’t. And it doesn’t just work with sex, it’s anything I would want.”

“Have you done that before to someone? F-for sex?”

“No. And I’ve actually…ummm, I haven’t really had any sexual relationship with anyone since Persephone, my wife.” He said and she suddenly smiled.

“So you’re not single, you liar.” She teased and he chuckled.

“Yeah, m’sorry. She knows though and like we can take lovers whenever we want I’ve just never wanted to until…well, until I saw you a few months ago.” He explained and her heart softened for him.

“I mean, that’s sweet and all, but aren’t you like the antagonist of the world?” She asked and he scoffed.

“Do I seem like the antagonist of the world?” He asked and she giggled.

“Guess not.” She said and he smiled.

“I just…don’t like people abusing power, my brothers and some of the other deities they do that. I always opposed that so to get me off their backs they literally banished me to the underworld to run that work how I saw fit for eternity and ummm, yeah.” He said pretty causally and she shook her head.

“Those dicks.”

“Yeah, they are dicks.” He said with a grin and she giggled. “And well, that’s the secret. And I understand if you don’t want to see me again or have further relations with me, but I just wanted you to know that because you deserve to know.” He explained and she licked over her lips.

“I still stand by what I said earlier, I am spent but…w-what if you did that again to me? Control me? Use me? Make me.” She said quietly and he bit his lip at the thought, “You can hear my thoughts so if I want to stop you stop or if I just want you to pull me out of it you can. I trust you.” She said and he looked at her skeptically.

“Are you sure?” He asked.

“Yeah. I mean, haven’t you ever just wanted to take something without asking?”

“This is different.”

“I know, but I want it, really badly. And you said so yourself earlier, I can take it, I’m just too tired right now.” She explained, “I mean, I’m only human.” She said with a smirk and he shook his head as he chuckled quietly.

“I saw that coming from a mile off. You know that right?” He asked and she shrugged, “Fine.” He said and she smiled. She knelt up to properly look into his eyes and in moments she once again felt like she was outside of herself. Like her thoughts and actions weren’t her own as she started to take off his trousers and briefs. As soon as his rock hard erection sprang up her mouth was over him. He tasted so fucking good and she was obsessed with the weight of him on her tongue. Knowing that he was minding her thoughts she thought about how she wanted more, she wanted him deeper. “Yeah? You want more my filthy little whore?” He asked as he thrust his hips hard into her mouth until her nose was up against his neat little bed of pubic hair. Her eyes were blurry with tears and her throat was burning, but it felt so good to have him fucking her mouth like this. 

“Make me play with your balls” she thought and in seconds her hand was coming down between his legs to fondle him. They were full and swollen and heavy and she was dying to taste everything he’d pump out of them for her.

“Fuck, you’re thinking such filthy things, angel. You’re gonna make me come.” He grunted as he sunk into her throat and she gagged around him and her eyes squeezed shut, “Fuck.” He moaned as he started to shoot his warm load into her mouth. She was in heaven as she squeezed at his balls as he emptied himself into her mouth. He was commanding her to swallow, but she could feel some spilling out of the sides of her mouth. She felt like she was drowning as he held himself inside for a bit more after he finished and then he slipped out. She was gasping for air and coughing hard as she was able to breathe properly. Some part of him liked to see her like that, so helpless but willing to be used by him however he pleased.

She noticed that he was still hard and she wondered what that was about, especially after he had come so much.

“I’m not human, remember?” He said, “I can whenever I want for as long as I want.” He said and then chuckled when he perceived her follow up thought, “Yeah, angel you should’ve been more inquisitive before you allowed me to control you.” He said with a smirk and then pulled her up to kiss her. He was obsessed with the feeling of her bare, warm body pressing against his own. He just knew that this one time would never be enough, he’d need her again and soon. He broke their kiss after a few moments and smiled at her as she started to turn away from him. His muscular chest was against her back she could feel his cock against her ass. He was gently rutting his hips into her as he considered being nice and stretching her out with his fingers or just taking what he wanted, as she had said before. He bit his lip when he made up his mind and he spread her legs a bit wider with his own, “Remember that I can stop if you want me to.” He said as grabbed his cock and positioned it between her legs. All of her thoughts were screaming for him to get inside, “Don’t worry I will, angel. S’gonna hurt a bit, OK.” He warned as he pressed against her entrance with some force until his head started to sink in, he stopped for a few second and then he grinned before he just slammed in the rest of the way without any warning. Y/N gasped at the sudden intense intrusion, it did hurt as he felt a lot bigger than what he seemed to be. His hands came down to her wrists and held them behind her back as she moaned loudly, her cries a harmonious mix of pain and pleasure. His thrusts were hard and sharp, she could feel him ramming into her cervix, “I know, angel, I know.” He acknowledged her thoughts and sounds of discomfort, “But it’s gonna feel good real soon.” He assured. 

The wet, squelching sounds of his cock ramming into her pussy were pornographic. She was teetering on the edge of insanity with how deep he was giving it to her. She could only cry out every time his cock collided with her cervix but it was stimulating something inside of her that had her throbbing around him; she was going to come whether she wanted to or not. His heavy balls were thwacking hard against her ass, giving Harry the perfect little inkling of hurt he needed for his pleasure to start to peak. 

“Let’s see how many loads your pretty little cunt can take.” He groaned before he stilled deep inside of her and she gasped as he held himself deep inside. Her eyes crossed and her vision went blurry as she felt his cock twitching hard inside of her. His own orgasm catalyzed her own and she could feel het body tensing and her hips grinding back against him as she came undone yet again. She could feel how spent she was, but despite that she kept thrusting herself back against him, “Looks like you want more.” He said as he released her her arms from behind her back and pushed her down on all fours. He started ramming hard into her, her legs started to slip and soon he had to hold around her hips to keep her ass lifted enough for him to keep fucking her. Her fingers were clawed into the bed covers, trying to have anything to hold on to, “You’re gonna come again for me.” He strained out as his powerful thrusts continued rocking her whole body a few centimeters up the bed with each thrust. Y/N’s abs were sore from how much they’d been contracting with each orgasm and this one was about to add more to that. “Oh fuck, such a tight little pussy, come for me. Come for me, angel.” he encouraged her and groaned as she started to slick up his cock with her come again. He smiled as he watched his cock gliding in and out of her creamy and swollen pussy before he rutted shallowly a few times and then sunk in a little deeper to make sure his sperm stayed inside when he came again, “Fuck, take my cum. Take all of it, angel.” He panted as his thrusts grew sloppy and finally he started to come to a slow, “Fuck, let’s see how you’re doing.” He hummed tiredly as he caught his breath. She hissed as he pulled out of her and then spread her cheeks a bit to see the state of her pussy. He could see his cum to the brim and he tutted,

“Tsk, just two load and you’re basically full?” He teased her, “I’ve got so much more for you.” He said as he kissed her bare shoulder and through all the noise going on in his and her brain he heard her calling out to him. So he pulled her out of it and she slowly rolled herself onto her back looking absolutely wrecked and spent. “Are you OK?” He asked quietly and she nodded.

“Yeah, I just want one more, but not like that.” She explained and he frowned.

“Are you sure you’re up for it?” He asked and she nodded.

“Yes, I wan it. I want you.” She insisted and he smiled.

“Then we’ll go slow, yeah?” He asked and she smiled and nodded.

He brought his body down over hers and then let their lips meet languidly. His kisses were passionate yet delicate and she was obsessed with the way he made her feel about everything. Despite the soreness in her legs she parted them and bent them to let him fit his body in between hers. She moaned as he ground himself against her center, her sensitive clit was being kissed by the leaking tip of his cock and it was making her desperate for more. Her foot ran up and his his leg as her hands felt at his arms, trying to memorize every possible detail of him just in case. “Hey,” he said gently, calling her out of her frenzy, “This isn’t the last time if you don’t want it to be.” He informed her and her big, glossy eyes met his and there was only one thing in them, relief.

“Really?”

“Yeah, angel. I couldn’t stay away from you for long.” He said and she smiled. He lowered his body even more to shift himself to be at her entrance, now their faces were directly aligned and as he sunk into her she kept her eyes on his and he kept his eyes on hers too. Her mouth dropped open as he exhaled shakily at the feeling. This was much more intimate and intense, so as he started to thrust she shivered in his hold, they held eye contact for as long as possible until he just had to bury his face in her neck and breathe in her scent, “You’re perfection incarnate.” He mumbled as he kissed at her bruised skin, “I will worship and please your body for ever and ever and ever.” He panted and she moaned at his words, “I’ll commemorate your delicate, divine, feminine form in the cosmos. The entire universe will get to see the woman that brought a god to his knees.” He said and her back arched as his words started to spur on her orgasm.

“I-I’m gonna come!” She whimpered and he groaned.

“Fuck, please come for me. Let me feel how good our bodies love on each other.” He said breathily. Her nails raked down his back as the pleasure just exploded from so deep inside of her that she started to see white. Her ears were ringing and her heart was racing and it felt like she was floating away. “Fuck, oh fuck, oh fuuuuck…” he chanted as he started to thrust in deep and hard with every rope of cum that he shot deep into her. Their shaky and ragged breaths didn’t stop their mouths from smearing together desperately. She was clinging to him like he was the only thing tethering her to reality. Every molecule in her body was completely and undeniably his now. They let the physical and emotional highs dwindle on their own, he had no rush or place to be, just here with her. 

After nearly twenty minutes of laying around he went to warm up the delicious food she had made for them. Her naked body was cradled in his hold as he fed her while he answered her questions about whatever she wanted. He had always been of the belief that there was a single soul for every being and in this moment with her, he started to consider that just maybe he had finally met his actual other half. He drew her a bath as well, which she insisted he join her for and he did so without any hesitation and finally when he got her back into her bed with clean sheets he played with her hair until she had dozed off in his arms. He smiled as he took in her smaller frame nestled comfortably into his side, silently thanking the fates for bringing her into his life.

*********

Let me know what you think! 🙂

[maliciousalice]

@thresholdbb omg tumblr ate your ask but thankyou for asking!!!!

👕Character whose fashion you like.

Phoar! Startrek really isn't a show I associate with being fashionable. It's very camp isn't it? In theory a lot of the wardrobe is really cool and they wanted to gain that retro-future aesthetic. Did it work? I'm not sure. However it does make a statement. The Startrek aesthetic is really recognizable and that's important! I think that's where modern trek kind of looses the plot. It's not as careful about the unique visual design as a whole anymore and as a result it doesn't settle in our minds. Is it bad artistry? No but it's not as stringent. What I mean by that is older trek cared about nuance. For example every haircut was done the same way on men, or suits were tailored in a way to look sleek but practical (they weren't). Gaudy patterns were important to denote things like status. It looks ugly on the outside but when you're watching the show it envelops you and makes you feel welcomed into the universe.

I digress.

To answer this, the most fashionable character, hands down, is Quark! That mfer always looks good, and has the finest drip in the galaxy. Love that.

🥲 ST moment that makes you cry.

There are two moments that make me particularly sad. Kate's acting in the climax of Resistance is incredible. I read somewhere she had a special-wink-wink- relationship with the Director in the early seasons and she was being tested by this episode in some regard. I think it paid off. I treasure any time her captain-hood is removed, and the extreme vulnerability of Janeway is on display-MWAH MWAH poignant. This episode is beautifully intimate, particularly this scene. It's overall gorgeous and unique in how she whispers to him, as if there is nothing more important than to secure his peace of mind as he dies, and it's heart rending when it ends with her just crouching there, emotionally alone. I love how Janeway is forced into the father-daughter dynamic between her and Caylem, one that she would ordinarily resist (heh themes) because I think it inherently weakens her status. The back and forth throughout the episode of them taking care of each other's welfare is so it's terribly sad when it's torn down and we discover the truth behind Caylem's family. If you've dug around her character you know that her Admiral-Father has had impact on her life. She's haunted by him in both a figurative way by being a Captain, and literal sense later on in Coda. Much like Caylem, she looses her father in a violent manner that she has to carry around while she forges ahead. It also reflects well on Kate's relationship with her actual father, she recently revealed that she was never able to get him on her page, but in spite that she adore him with all her might. So a scene like this is really revealing-I believe she was able to draw upon those feelings and that's kinda neat to be so raw as an actor. SIGH.

This one just straight up made me cry fr because Prodigy s1 is a really mature, well done piece of (Startrek) media. Holo Janeway has an irony about it where in the end she is program designed to be a teacher, and she didn't expect to develop a strong bond with the crew. Her final moments are of displaying a huge amount of selflessness and courage to help the kids get out of trouble, similarly to how Janeway would approach dire circumstances. The music swelling and the ship activating is just OOOOF!!! I love how it parallels Dal's initiation of the first Protojump in a Moral Star. By that means It suggests how proud she is to get to do this for them. As a character she is really interesting to think about, in a way I can't entirely articulate. A lot of her moments are quite sad in general, she has to keep an active role so she isn't ignored, and help where help is needed, but at the same time she has constraints, one being that she manipulated by the antagonists. And In contrast to that, the kids do their best to help her feel like she is important and more than a command program to be used insincerely. She grew to love the Protostar crew, that's evident in her body language in this scene. She has a lot of depth overall. Equal to the real Janeway she deeply feels love, guilt and pain, but importantly she is transformed by the her time on the Protostar and while active, learns and grows with Dal, Rok-tak, Zero, Jankom and Gwyn. It's REALLY sweet that they care all care about each other.

I love her and I love JANEWAY!!!!

🥹 Favourite behind the scenes picture.

Ooooh I love all behind the scenes stuff. My brother in Christ It's super difficult to just name one thing and I'm very greedy!! I wish we had more BTS content for Voyager but sadly, it's a matter of grab what you can, however you can. Anyway, I have an inherent interest in seeing the cogs behind the wheel. I chose these samples because I think they're charming.

The continuity polaroid's are so fun and a lost technique, I like to think about assistants having to pull the actors aside and asking them to take those. How daunting! Kate's grin in the one where she is offset is SO cute. So she must have been in a good mood, super Cheeky!

Following that is a screenshot from a video of her having her makeup done. A rare catch. I like this because she often sooks about how much time hair and makeup was spent on her to become Captain Janeway. I get it's a huge time-sink, but love or hate it, the full irony is that her early season appearance is really iconic and in it's own right adds to Captain Janeway's sensibility. Silly goose Kate! Besides that, she looks hot checking herself out, haha.

Moreover, I love on-set editorial photos of actors in costume. While we did have heaps of them in the Starfleet uniform, I wish we had a larger collection with clearer releases, it would have given an opportunity to see in things of interest better detail. Particularly the lower half of unique costumes. For whatever reason special outfits weren't often established or framed for us to see the legs in the show, so a nice big photograph would have solved that. Also I love that these style of pictures capture an impression of an episode without giving it away.

Similarly, fly on the wall on-set photos are cool. They're way more intimate and candid than anything else and it makes me feel as though I am spying on the actors, but they're also a good way to document how things might have been on set.

The Timeless one is interesting too because it's of a deleted scene, we never see Chakotay look at a dead Janeway (how deliciously macabre!), but at some point in time it was in the script and they filmed it.

Hmm this bts picture of Janeway in the Cardigan is adorable! I believe it was worn by Kate for a Charity but look how cute she looks? Makes me wish we saw her mess around with things like that more because 7 Years is a long ass time to be in uniform everyday ( coming from someone who went to school in a Uniform and enjoyed it for the most part). Casual Fridays anyone?

I love this gif. It's from the first shoots of Caretaker and Kate looks so radiant! Her smile is is breathtaking! Whenever I see this gif I get a sense of delight. Poor thing had no idea what she was getting herself into, haha. Really though, check out the original Caretaker photos, they're super-cool. The history behind it is fascinating; I'd love to see more footage from that version of the pilot episode. Unfortunately, it's probably not preserved well, much like lots of Paramount's historical material.

On a similar trend, it's fun to see this set of pictures too. It's for the First Contact film / maybe the Universal studios ride, when she reprised her role as Vice AdmiralJaneway. Kate was genuinely delighted to do this cameo and it shows. As per her operandum she put her whole self into this small segment and that's so darling. It makes me wish we had more of this Janeway at that point in time. I love post Endgame chubby-Janeway. In a fictional sense it denotes that she is comfortable or stressed to be an Admiral (sadly it's the latter in real life) or whatever and I love that for her.

These kind of pictures are fun because it's been said that at times it was the most playful set to be on. There are tales that the cast were not that serious all the time. You get that impression here, and it's probably why the majority of them are still good friends to this day. They're like a family bros!!! Having worked in media I know that wrapping up after working on something for a long time is really rewarding and I bet they had a good time at parties.

Apropos previous, the opposite can be said. While they had fun, the hours were long and the scripts intensive. Kate was around for all of the episodes of Voyager in one way or another, and still managed to bring her A-game each time. She is truly admirable! Seeing her so exhausted is charming. She had a lot of weight to carry for the franchise and did an exemplary job performing her way through 7 years of weird and wonderful material. I wonder how often they fell asleep on set? I know I would. Get some rest queen!

Finally, I've been following Prodigy bts as best I can, and because of my career in animation I get pretty interested in Production art. I love seeing the fast metamorphosis of a visual style. It's really impressive how much attention they applied to the designs, maintaining the older stuff, while adapting a new frontier. One of the lead artists made some pretty neat observations to get Kate's appearance right. It's so cool that they documented that journey, because from my dabbling I know she has a very beautiful, distinct face that isn't easy to capture.

ANYWAY Thankyou for reading my fat thesis fellas. tl;dr i love this stinky Startrek Voyager and by extension the franchise.

[monpalace]

Twi talking about his reader with Time and time putting together that his friend settled down and had kids and such. Upon first meeting Twi’s s/o he isn’t sure because she’s so nice and welcoming not like the woman who he knew that fought her way into her position until Twi says something absurd which leads to her ranting and eventually yanking at Twi’s ear challenging him that Time is like “ah yes this is definitely a descendent of hers” has been heavy on my mind lately.

time and twi being related is so integral to my sanity its insane.

time seeing pieces of the future, his impact, the impact of those around him, and his response to it all is also just as important.

(imagining a one-on-one grandfather-grandson time-traveling trip together because what are the rest of the chain gonna be doing except for looking like🧍🏼)

"Why don't you tell me about your version of her? It's only fair since I've given you my share."

Time isn't sure how they started talking of you, but he's glad to hear you made something of yourself a few centuries down the line, even if he wasn't hearing it from your words as he would've liked.

There's an unsure look on Twilight's face before he quips back with "d'ya want the good ones, or the bad ones?" Uncertainty quickly turns into adoration. "Dream girl ain't got a shortage of either."

(If Time were younger, he'd certainly gag at the nickname. It was cute though, and after Twilight had explained his reasoning for calling you that, it added onto the level of sweetness.)

Idk why I started this off like it was a fic. Anyways.

After arriving in Ordon (or wherever else you two decided to live), Time would be a little more than conflicted because?? You literally kissed Twilight's cheek and gave him the most dreamy smile??? You are not your ancestor????? But he also doesn't want to call or think of Twilight as a liar????????

(To be entirely truthful, he doesn't think Twilight has a lying bone in his body.)

After being invited inside, Time is further confused by Twilight's telling of you. You offered him clean clothes, to bandage his scrapes and bruises, and asked him what he wanted to eat since it was nearing the time you usually started dinner.

Time doesn't even think his version of you knew how to cook.

Since the dinner table only seats two (for now. Twilight is always talking about how he's gonna build a bigger one for the future), you, Time, and Twilight are settling yourselves around the living room or whatever they were called back then.

"Shame Malon ain't here, huh Old Man?"

You elbow Twilight hard enough to almost make him drop him plate while hissing "don't be rude," and that's when Time finally starts to see the similarities between his you and Twilight's you.

"What? 'm not the only one that calls him old man! Everyone does! He said we could call 'em that to!"

"Oh, so it's your job to point out the obvious now? What if he was insecure about his age?"

"He ain't!"

The second thing that makes him reason that you really hadn't changed in over a hundred years is when you kick Twilight for pulling your feet into his lap while the plates were still present.

You said it was a hygiene thing, Twilight joked that it was because your feet were ugly.

There's a knot on Twilight's head now.

Totally unrelated but just had the brief image of Time laying in bed with Malon once they hit his timeline and he's just telling her all about his time staying with you and Twilight to try and convince her about moving the whole having kids things to now instead of later.

Also imagining him finding you in his timeline and just gossiping, asking if you've found anyone special to settle down with.

(Time looks like he gives and gets good gossip. He looks like he knows exactly what to say/do to get the good stuff because of everything from Majora's Mask.)

ANYWAYS.

Time sees a lot more of his you in Twilight's you the day after. Whether you work alongside Twilight or somewhere in the city (or not at all), he's able to see everything in your mannerisms.

(You asked if he wanted to do the equivalent of a ride-along while you were out and he's never said yes to something so quickly— except when Malon asked him out. Y'all are def talking about stupid shit Twilight's done.)

From how you haggle prices down, to how you drive away people who had less than innocent intentions (from yourself and others. He'd have a field day retelling how you verbally bullied a man for trying to steal from an older woman), it all just screamed his you.

As soon as he gets to his timeline he's showing up at your front door to catch up, trust and believe 🤞🏽

[taylortruther]

Now that we've officially entered TTPD release month and still have minimal info about the album itself somehow...what's your current predictions about what the album is gonna sound like and what it's central theme will be? (Sorry in advance if you've already covered this recently and I missed it lol)

My guess is that it will be Midnights production with Folkmore's lyrics and the theme will be reevaluating long-harbored misconceptions about love i.e. the sharper edges of 'fairytale romances' and overcoming deep wounds that you once thought you deserved to get etc...very Red adjacent if you know what I mean.

Anyways, your(And your other anons) big brain analysis always intrigues me so I was wondering what's your thoughts on all this and why Taylor is insisting on maintaining such thick air of mystery around this project as of yet.

i don't know about production or sound - i just hope florence and her chamber pop had an influence, because i love it very much.

i have all my song-by-song predictions pinned to my blog if you want to take a look.

but overall, based on the statement we received so far (which i assume is part of the prologue, or the thesis of the album), it sounds like this will be her "defense." the whole story. the good, the bad, and the ugly. but not just the story with joe, but a statement defining her perception of her role as an artist/truth-teller.

for our evidence, she is providing:

her tarnished shield, implying she's seen a lot of conflict, but also the tarnished symbol of her family (it makes me think of the shield she created in lover and repurposed for every album since. a literal symbol of the family she was creating?)

her muses, and the pain that her lovers caused her, that she caused herself in pursuit of relationships/acceptance, and the pain of her art being used as a weapon against her (ie, "with every guitar string scar on her hand" meets "watch out dude she'll write a song about you.')

her talismans and charms, and the many way she tried to control or protect herself and her relationships (reminds me of "i'm the wind in our free-flowing sails and the liquor in our cocktails" and "wary of ... charmers, dandies and get-love-quick-schemes.")

the love bombs and this sense of foreboding, evidence that there was intent to harm.

her veins of ink - like they're running black/dark, but also, she's a songwriter, it's her life blood, and it's ink, permanent, the way a record permanently goes into the public consciousness

all's fair in love and poetry - there's no right or wrong in this kind of conflict. it implies war (all's fair in love and war), truth (as in her truth but also the honesty of art), and also a lack of remorse. i mean, why should she feel sorry? it's her art. it's love. there are no rules.

the chairman of ttpd - time to teach some lessons.

[t00nyah]

i hope ur ready

A WHOLE POST OF LYRICS FROM (MOSTLY BLACK DRESSES) SONGS THAT I CAN'T STOP THINKING ABOUT 24/7

part 1 (out of ???)

BLACK DRESSES section (LAUGHINGFISH-PEACEFUL AS HELL)

LAUGHINGFISH

She started to feel ok But coming from a place as bad as that was Things can tend to find a way to tag along She didn't leave a mess with her luggage She made sure to stay on top of chores But her new chosen family was just as complicated as the old one was //FEEL SOMETHING

When everything is quiet It's louder than a scream //BAD VEGGIES

And the years behind all look the same Wounded animal freaking out on stage Get so depressed when people say "The more things change More they stay the same" //WOUNDED ANIMAL

Maybe the true self is only true when It could never survive in its true form Maybe the me inside only stays alive Because it's kept safe from the world //GOOD THINGS HAPPEN

FUCK the real ones Fuck true love Fuck being powerful, I don't care What could I dream of that is not made up Fuck this stupid world I am scared enough that I'm not afraid at all //DON'T FORGIVE THE WORLD

I won't sing my song If you find me gone tomorrow I won't feel a thing Doctors tearing up my body God could not forgive As we blink out of existence I don't mind at all Pretty sure we're ending up together

You say you wanna be saved God wanted you to live We're setting the tone Forever going out sad And no one needs songs where we're going I'm not hoping for a fight but I know I see one coming //IF YOU FIND ME GONE TOMORROW

Rook: I feel like a weapon out of control every day Fight the conditioning, blank stare, nothing to say Try my best but it all gets mangled On the way to my brain It's taking over again Devi: I don't pity the body For what? It destroys Rook: The memory of us against the world Nobody else could touch us back then //LAST LOVE SONG ON THIS LITTLE PLANET

The truth only matters if you're honest. Are you? - Man you're so fucking corny it makes me look straight //NO DAYS OFF (those are literally just two separate lines but PLEASE they are gold)

And the stereo connects right back to the mic I think I liked you better still alive I didn't expect in my dreams we'd still fight But I shoulda known and And the highway connects to the road Like the car was a part of your soul That I'm sure by now your mom sold //CAN'T KEEP THE KNOTS OUT

Earth is love But this crazy little thing called love can be a little bit intense //IT'S PROBABLY FINE

Forget Your Own Face

People say nothing is impossible but I do nothing every day - If you got- if you got what you wanted If you got what you wanted the most If you got- if you got what you wanted Would you still be fucking depressed? Would you still be fucked up by the past? Would you still regret everything? Yes. //u_u2

Give up on what you wanted Never give upuPUPUp on what you thought was true to you Unless you find some kind of other truth that means something to you Never give up on what you wanted Never give up on what you wanted Even if it's stupid God is stupid Let's be Stupid: God is here. //Let's Be

T-shirt slogan I'm a t-shirt slogan I'm a meme, I know it I got mean, I know it We learned a lot about Entertainment Tried a lot of shit, still not Entertained Yet. Isn't it crazy to be human? To bear witness to the illusion of patterns? To the illusion of order? To think that all this shit is normal? //NO NORMAL

Colorful and delicate like a paper star Shriveling in the heat of what we are At the end of time, did I do anything? Burning up like an insect in the sun I just wanna be useful to someone On the final day, did I make you smile? //doomspiral

Everything I want is fiction What I need does not exist Everything you want is right here waiting For you to take it What I need does not exist //GAY UGLY AND HARD TO UNDERSTAND

I used to want to mean Something to somebody But people never see The side of you you want to be And when the air is smoke And when the sky burns out I hope no one is looking at me When the sun explodes - I'm grateful for the time we had to do childish things Like making songs: Like this one. Stars shooting overhead as everything in the universe falls apart How romantic, like kissing under fireworks, but... As our bodies burn to light As our bodies turn to raw energy with no identity, uh... Let's meet back here again We can do a little show We can sing a couple songs We can fight over how the songs go I know it's not much For all the things in the world Not much, but let's just have- Let's just still try to have fun. //nightwish

Forever In Your Heart (oh this is about to explode)

The dead hope that you always clung to The dream that someday it would heal you Is there anywhere left to fall? I try so hard to recall hope Ancient hope Rotting hope Can we make something beautiful with no hope? //PEACESIGN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I know it's not easy for anyone We're all on a clear light hell trip But that doesn't mean we shouldn't try Just don't come anywhere near me And we'll be ok I don't wanna see anyone's face I'm dealing with my own shit right now You can deal with your shit somewhere else - Stuck inside a concrete bubble Everyone is "doing their best" I think that it's kind of whatever. But dreams are not meant to be achieve

It's just not enough It's never been enough When the FUCK has it ever been enough Only to dream? //Concree Bubble

I'm just meat without a soul, Without a brain, Without anything, An animal. - The night explodes in the light From a shooting star IT'S EASY TO BECOME DISILLUSIONED WHEN YOU DON'T KNOW WHO YOU ARE And it can live forever in your heart It can live forever in your heart Forever in your heart It can live forever in your sick pathetic little heart //Heaven

I know it sounds stupid for a world like this, People do their best And still come off so twisted up and so heartless And I know I'm grateful if someone tries at all Still ends crumpled up, Scrunched up, like a tossed away love letter but

I think If there was ever a right way to do it I think That nobody's ever even done it //Tiny Ball

But on a clear and cloudless day It feels like the planets atmosphere Is stitched together by everyone's pain And we just breathe it in... //Silver Bells

I don't wanna do this anymore I don't wanna do this anymore I don't wanna prove I was wrong about you I don't wanna do this anymore I don't wanna do this anymore I don't wanna prove I was right about you //Ragequitted

A little dirt might cover up the wound (Rook) A little dirt might cover up the wound But a little dirt might infect it too (Rook) Infect it too There's no right choices to make in this life (Rook) This life

All you can do is what you can do //Waiting42moro(just saying i love this song the entirety of it but like THIS particular thing is so stuck in my head...)

I tried to offer up my pain to be understood But I don't think it's my pain that can be understood, Or needs understanding.

There's not a lot of pain in the world that makes any sense Maybe people need to be understood instead. //Understanding

What does it really take to want to hurt a child? It seems like it's not much for a lot of people. //Mistake

Peaceful as Hell

it's like a pearl formed from the pressure of all the blood in a world of nightmares it's feeding on love it's growing stronger and coming alive it's so scared and confused but it still wants to survive

it dreams of a future: impending doom it clings to the hope that it might pull through and everyone stares at it with disdain but it's trying so hard every single day //LEFT ARM OF LIFE

im so cute and well-adjusted i know exactly what to say i hope no one discovers i struggle with it every day how the FUCK does language work what do people like to hear?? i dont wanna be uncool but i need TO GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE - I wanna give people a chance but they keep letting me down I wanna be wrong again I wanna be wrong about being wrong this world shouldn't need to feel so lonely is it because I'm too angry to be around anyone again? //IM A FREAK CUZ IM ALWAYS FREAKED OUT

it's ok to keep your soul hidden keep a secret to yourself it's ok to be a bad singer you can sing a special song all by yourself //BLISS AND STUPIDITY

//MAYBE THIS WORLD IS ANOTHER PLANETS HELL? (yes im putting the entirety of it here bc im just so full of thought about this one)

bloody worm goddess you look so pretty when you're scared to death it'll never change burning bright with fear and hopelessness - trapped inside it again i don't sleep anymore i don't have any dreams i don't have a true form //SCARED 2 DEATH

is it ok for me to be happy? is it really ok for me to happy? is it ok for me to be happy? turn up the radio play us a happiness song - come on girl, haven't you learned how to express yourself? why is it so hard to get you out of your shell? is it ok for me to be messy? is it really ok for me to be messy? is it ok for me to be messy? i don't know how to let it go //EXPRESS YOURSELF

the impossible dream of having a skin everything crawls on, everything soaks in I'll be eaten by ants but I won't feel that bad I just wanna have my body to my Self while I still Am and I don't wanna be polluted by all the violence that already twisted me up //IMPOSSIBLE DREAM

you could say anything that you want I could say anything that I want to you could say anything that you want it's up to you to choose what's important to you

but don't be weird, don't be mean you're on my computer screen it's my world, it's my life i'm a person please be nice - you can say anything you want you can say anything you want to it doesn't mean you're bad but sometimes love is holding back //PLEASE BE NICE

//666 (another one that is just fully in my head, it's so sweet and comforting)

part 2(LOVE AND AFFECTION FOR STUPID LITTLE BITCHES-WASTEISOLATION)...coming someday. no date.

[xf-cases-solved]

S1E20: Darkness Falls

Case: You know it's gonna be a good time when our heroes have to take off their government office clothes and put on some survival gear. Similar to Ice—which we all know is a top tier episode—Darkness Falls sees Mulder and Scully on the hunt to discover what happened to a team of loggers that disappeared in Olympic National Forest up in Washington. (Spoiler alert: Bad things happened to the loggers.) After the discovery of one of the loggers inside of a gigantic bug cocoon—and after the ominous testimony and environmentalist rant of a random eco-terrorist raiding their base for food—our dynamic duo and their episode sidekick NPCs conclude that there's a serious pest control problem happening out there in the forest, and the only thing that will keep them safe is staying in the light. Good thing they aren't stranded, and that Mulder didn't give away all their extra fuel, and that they definitely have more than just one single lightbulb and a sputtering generator to get them through the night. Oh, wait. 😬

Mulder has weird sexual tension with an eco-terrorist; Scully has the Coat of All Time™️ (in my notes, I literally just have the word COAT written down and then underlined); a forest service marshal has had it up to here with these dumb treehuggers; and CGI is once again used liberally, this time to create fluorescent green bugs that suck you dry (and not in a fun way). Let's go on a nice trip to the forest! 

Does someone die in the cold open: Yes

Does Mulder present a slideshow: Yeah boi!

Does the evidence survive the investigation: Nah, the government is destroying that shit posthaste.

Whodunit: Old bugs

Convictions: None necessary

Did they solve it: Yes! Using Ice rules here. The evidence was technically destroyed, but they were able to solve the case before that happened. Also, that quarantine facility doesn't look like a fun time and I feel bad for them, so I'll toss 'em a bone.

[how do i determine if a case is solved? check the scale here: x]

THIS EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY: Giant, ugly, multicolored 90s raincoats on tiny people. Provide decades of delight to people all over the world by wearing a giant, ugly, multicolored 90s raincoat on your tiny, tiny frame. You look adorable. You are also so tiny. Why did you buy your raincoat at Big and Tall??

***

General Total Stats:

(green means stat has changed since last ep; red means new stat added to list)

Total Cases *Definitively* Solved So Far: 10 (streak restarted. it's fucking ping pong up in here)

Total Number of "Mulder/Scully, It's Me" Phone Calls: 1

Total Number of Times Scully Has Conveniently Not Seen Something Crucial: 5

Total Number of Times Mulder Has Been in Mortal Danger: 6

Total Number of Times Scully Has Been in Mortal Danger: 8

Total Number of Sexually Charged, Uncomfortably Intimate, and/or Flirty Moments Between Friendly Coworkers: 10

Total Number of Autopsies Scully Has Performed On Screen: 2 (she examines a dead body, but there's like, not rly a lot left to do an autopsy on even if she had the space to do it)

Total Number of Times Scully Plays Doctor: 2

Total Number of Times Mulder Talks to an Informant: 10 

Total Number of Times People Making Out in a Car Are Hurt or Killed: 2

Total Number of Nosebleeds: 4

Total Number of Times Mulder Has Tasted/Sniffed/Touched Something Questionable Without Following Proper Safety Procedures: 2 

Total Number of Times Someone Says "Trust No One": 1 

Total Number of Times Someone Says "I Want to Believe": 3

Total Number of Times Someone Says "The Truth is Out There": 1

Total Number of Cigarettes Cigarette Smoking Man Has Smoked: 2

Total Number of Maggie Scully Sightings: 1

Total Number of Lone Gunmen Sightings: 1

Total Number of Alex Krycek Sightings: 0 :(

Total Number of Times I Had to Look Up What State the Episode Takes Place in Even Though I Literally Just Watched It: 7½ (i wrote it down in my notes lmfao)

Total Number of Times I Had to Look at an Episode's Wikipedia Page to Fill This Out Because It Was Fucking Confusing and/or Too Boring for Me to Pay Attention: 5 (nah man, i love Darkness Falls)

[lovesickonmybed]

bad idea right? | (2/?)

chapter one | chapter three | series masterlist

eddie munson x OC | word count - 3831

summary | a game of truth or dare has consequences.

warnings | swearing, underage drinking, smoking, mentions of drug use, mentions of sex, sexual harassment, a bit of bullying, and depression.

a/n | i fucked with the timeline a little so billy and max had moved to hawkins a few months earlier because I need him for the story. listen to bad idea right? by olivia rodrigo and g.i.n.a.s.f.s. by fall out boy while you read this btw.

God fucking dammit. My night was awful to begin with, hell I didn’t even want to be here in the first place, but now it’s even worse. Eddie fucking Munson is here, and he looks hot, like really hot. I swear to god if I was more drunk I would probably already be on him. Sure he hates me, but that doesn’t mean I can’t still think he’s hot. After our falling out I was hoping I’d hate him, that he’d suddenly turn ugly in my mind, but nope, he just gets hotter and hotter. And tonight it’s like he’s the only guy I’ve ever seen. Every guy I’ve ever hooked up with or ever even found attractive all exit my brain as soon as my eyes land on him. He’s sitting on a boulder with his long curly hair tied back into a bun, he’s attempting to light his cigarette. What strikes me as odd is that he’s completely alone, usually Ronnie or Dougie is with him but they’re nowhere to be seen. I down my drink and look away from him, if I keep looking at him I’m going to go over there and it will not end well. 

To distract myself I go over to one of the coolers and try to find something that won’t taste awful, I take a while to find anything. I smile to myself when I find a mini bottle of Malibu and a coke. I grab them and stand up and turn around, immediately running into somebody. They grab me by my shoulders to steady me. We meet each other's eyes and my face goes red and my mouth goes dry. Of course the person I’ve just run into is Eddie. He removes his hands from me with a disgusted look. “I-I-I’m…s-sorry…” I mumble before running off to go find somewhere to hide from him.

I duck behind a rock and open the tiny bottle of Malibu, I chug the entire thing and then chase it down my coke. “Goddammit!” I whisper/yell to myself. I know I look insane as I claw at my skin, breathing heavily, trying to self soothe and calm down. When I’m finally calm I’m left with crescent-shaped indents on my legs from my nails. I wonder what Eddie thought when he came face to face with me like that. I mean I can probably guess from the look on his face that he was annoyed and disgusted. I get lost in my own thoughts, panicking and overthinking the interaction when Carol plops herself down next to me.

“Are you alright? You look like you’re gonna throw up.” Carol isn’t really concerned about if I’m okay, she’s more concerned with how it would look if somebody in her friend group puked at a party from drinking too much, I’m already on thin ice for the amount of ass I’m showing tonight.

“I’m fine. Fuck. I just-” I don’t sound fine, I don’t sound calm. She can tell I’m upset.

“You just what?” She asks in an annoyed tone. 

“I just ran into Eddie…like literally, physically ran into him…w-who invited him?” I ask.

“Oh, Tommy did. Apparently Eddie is like dealing now or whatever and we needed a weed hook-up for tonight. We didn’t think you’d care. It’s not like you and that freak are friends anymore anyway,” She explains. Right now I’d love nothing more than to punch her in the face. 

My friends are assholes, I’m aware of that. But that doesn’t mean I’ve succumbed to it too, she knows I hate when any of them call him a freak or insult him. I hate when they do it to any of the Hellfire kids, I always try to get them to back down and it always ends with her berating me the entire time she drives me home about how if I don’t shut my mouth then I’ll end up back with them. Then she so graciously reminds me I won’t just be back with them, I’ll be lower than them, because if she drops me then not even Hellfire will want anything to do with me thanks to my betrayal. She wasn’t always such a bitch to me. When this all started her and Tina actually enjoyed having me around. They were kind to me; they took me shopping, and we’d have movie nights, now something has shifted. It’s like they’re aware of who I used to be, it’s like it matters to them now that they used to dump trash on me or make fun of me for my appearance. They heavily monitor every move I make, if I step out of line even the slightest then they remind me of where I could be. Eddie was right about them.

“When did he start dealing? I never thought he’d end up like that…” The Eddie Munson I knew was terrified to turn out like his father. His dad was pretty much never home, Eddie would always be at Wayne’s because his dad was out somewhere in another state usually in lockup or getting into some kind of trouble. He’d always come back with a story and a kind smile that charmed everyone into forgiving him for being the worst dad of the year. 

“Are you kidding? We all knew he’d end up like that, Viv. He’s a Munson, they’re all worthless low-lives!” Carol says. 

My hand curls into a fist and I squeeze my eyes shut tightly. I’m one drink away from beating her ass, “Watch your mouth, Carol.” 

She looks at me bewildered, “Why don’t you watch your mouth, Vivian? Defending a loser like that won’t get you far. I’m sure you like fucked him or whatever before you left his loser ass but that doesn’t mean you need to defend him anymore. Spending your time defending a reject like him won’t get you anything good, especially not from him. Just in case you forgot, he hates your guts. If you don’t want to spend the rest of your senior year as a loner then you’ll let me say whatever the fuck I want about him.” 

I go quiet. I hate that I go quiet but her threats are real and I’d rather be with people I hate than be alone. Carol smiles at my silence, “I’m glad we had this talk. Why don’t you go buy something off him to calm down?” She chuckles to herself and walks off to go find Tommy.

I fish my carton of cigarettes out of my pocket and light one up. My hands are shaking with anxiety and anger as I bring it up to my lips. I look around at everyone else who’s here, I’m jealous of them all as they talk with friends, flirt with crushes, and just enjoy their time here. I haven’t had a close friend or anyone to confide in for a long time, even at these parties my friends won’t hang out with me anymore. I honestly don’t know why I show up, I go to parties to be ignored and drink in a corner until I’m stumbling home and trying not to cry. That’s how tonight will go as well. I’ll get into the car of whatever sober girl I can find, because I’m not making the mistake of getting into a car with a guy again, and make small talk as she drives me home. I’ll stumble into my bedroom, cry when I take off my makeup, end up in an oversized t-shirt and a pair of shorts and crawl into bed to cry some more until I can finally fall asleep. It’s not ideal but I guess it could be worse. 

I see Tina flirting with Billy and I shake my head in disgust. He’s the worst thing to roll into Hawkins. Every time I see any of my friends with him I just start distancing myself more and more, I can’t take it. He’s an asshole, a creep, a goddamned racist sack of shit and I want nothing to do with him. I don’t get what any of these girls see in him. Why do they throw themselves at that asshole when there’s so many better options? 

I get up to find another drink so I have something to occupy myself, this time I make sure Eddie is nowhere in the area when I do so. I see there’s only shitty beers left but at this point I’ll take whatever. When I’m going back to my hiding area I’m grabbed by Vicki Carmicheal, she’s one of Billy's groupies. “Vivi! You look bored, come play truth or dare with us!” She drags me off to a group of about 15 people and I let her. What more do I have to lose tonight? I’m sitting between Vicki and Tina as the game starts. I’m zoned out for a lot of it, people are just making others admit their crushes or making them do vaguely embarrassing bullshit. Finally somebody asks me the dreaded question. 

“Vivian, truth or dare?” Heather Holloway is the one who asks, she’s another one of Billy's loyal little groupies, sweet girl but her taste in men is abysmal. 

“Uh, dare I guess,” I say as I take a sip of my beer.

Heather giggles, “I dare you to strip and take a nice little swim.”

I’m looking at her like I could kill her, “Seriously? That’s what you’ve come up with? If you wanted to see me naked, you could’ve asked…” I get dirty looks from quite a few people for that comment but I couldn't care less.

“Don’t be a baby, do it.”

I glare at her and begrudgingly head towards the nearby dock, everyone in the group follows me, which of course gets others to follow out of curiosity. I get to the end of the dock and debate if I’m really gonna do this; I finish my drink and decide that I have nothing to lose. It’ll probably piss Carol off to no end as well and I love nothing more than seeing her mad. I start by putting up my hair, next I take off my shirt. I’m wearing a red lacy bra underneath it. I hear some asshole yell, “Take it off!” and roll my eyes. I take off my shorts next, I’m wearing a pair of leopard print panties underneath, they’re one of my favorite pairs. I kick off my shoes and peel off my socks before taking a deep breath and jumping in. The water is cold but not cold enough to where I freeze up and can’t swim. I resurface and look at everyone on the dock. Carol looks pissed but everyone else has a smile on their face. 

“Is no one gonna join me?” I joke.

“Hell no! I heard they found a body in there, you’re crazy!” Tina exclaims.

“It’s just water,” I say before swimming off.

The water feels nice, I’ve always felt calmer in water. When I was a kid, I’d go to the community pool and sit at the bottom for as long as my lungs would allow me. There was something so peaceful about it. I decide to get out and get redressed; I swim back over to the dock where I see Billy Hargrove standing smugly, his arms crossed as he looks down at me.

“Quite a show you put on there, sweetheart,” He says, clearly trying to sound seductive.

“Mhm,” I say uninterestedly, “Mind helping me up onto the dock?”

He reaches down and helps lift me out of the water, wrapping his arms around my waist and pulling me close to him. I put my hand on his chest to keep some distance. I don’t want him to think I’m into any of this. 

“Thanks, Hargrove,” I pull away from him and look down at where I swore I had left my clothes, but of course, they’re not there. I look around with a confused look and then turn to Billy.

“Where the fuck are my clothes?” I ask angrily, I’m freezing cold and in just my underwear with like half of Hawkins High staring at my body.

“You don’t really need them, do you, sweetheart? I mean with a body like that, why cover it up?” He teases, he reaches out to touch me and I take a step back. 

I cross my arms over my chest to cover it up, “I’m serious. Where. The. Fuck. Are my clothes?” I’m giving him my meanest glare.

“Give me a kiss and I’ll tell you,” He smirks.

“In your fucking dreams. Just tell me where they are!” I’m yelling now and causing a scene. Carol is gonna murder me. 

“You know what, princess? With an attitude like that I don’t think I will…unless you wanna make it up to daddy,” He says.

I damn near slap him across his smug face, but before I can get the chance somebody is coming to my aid. I see Eddie snatching my clothes out of somebody's hands, some asshole football player I can’t bother to remember the name of, and gulp as I watch him walk up to me. He doesn’t say a word as he hands me my clothes, I feel pathetic as I take a minute to even look him in the eyes, “T-Thanks.” I redress quickly.

He just nods in response. He goes to leave but Billy is seeing red and wants a fight. He grabs Eddie by his jacket, “Where the fuck do you think you’re going freak?” My eyes go wide, maybe I want a fight too. 

“Billy shut the f-” I’m cut off by Eddie pushing Billy into the lake. Everyone gasps and Eddie goes running, since I’m technically involved in this and don’t plan on having my ass handed to me by Billy Hargrove I take off as well. 

I run as fast as I can to the road. I didn’t drive here because I don’t even have a car so it looks like I’m walking, or well, running home tonight. When I reach the road, I take a minute to catch my breath. That’s when a van pulls up beside me. The window rolls down and for a minute I think I’m about to become a missing person. “I can’t believe I’m saying this but get in,” Eddie says.

My eyes go wide and for a minute I’m frozen in place with my mouth hanging open.

“Hey! Unless you want Hargrove’s little groupies to tear you apart I’d suggest getting in.”

I nod and run over to the passenger side and hop in, I’m quick to get buckled so we can get the fuck out of here. He notices me shivering, “There’s a uh, a blanket in the back. You look cold and this piece of shit doesn’t have heat or air conditioning.” 

“T-Thanks,” I reach into the back and grab the blanket. I recognize it from Wayne's trailer, it’s the one I always used at movie nights. I smile as I remember the time we had watched The Hill Have Eyes, and I pretended to be scared of the cannibals so I could cuddle up next to Eddie. I wrap the blanket around myself and nuzzle my face into the warmth. 

We ride in silence for about 5 minutes before I realize I don’t even know where he’s taking me, “Hey um, where are we going?” I ask. I take a minute to take in his appearance, he looks so much different from when we were friends. He’s been growing out his hair, it reaches his shoulders and curls beautifully. The dark circles he already had under his eyes are even worse now, but he doesn’t look bad. He looks even better than when I knew him.

He rolls his eyes, “I’m taking you home, obviously.” There’s the snarky response I expected. He’s hot even when he’s mean to me. 

“Oh, okay. Sorry…” I reply softly.

“Where did you think I was gonna take you? Did your shiny little friends corrupt you into believing I’m a virgin sacrificing satanist or something?” He asks sarcastically. 

“Definitely not. You couldn’t sacrifice me anyway, you need a virgin, remember? If you sacrificed me it’d probably fuck up whatever you’re doing, turn into a monster or something,” I joke.

I see him smile and butterflies fill my stomach. 

“Sorry I forgot you gave your virginity to Tommy fucking Hagan,” he says dryly. I struck a nerve and now I feel like I could throw up, guilt is clawing in my throat.

“You gave yours to Nicole Summers so I guess we’re fucking even, huh?” I reply angrily.

The rest of the ride is silent, and he speeds up to get to my apartment quicker, we’re there in no time thanks to all the traffic laws he’s broken along the way. “Out,” he says when he pulls up outside of my apartment building. His voice is stern and commanding.

“Thanks for the ride…and for standing up for me,” I say.

“Don’t expect it to happen again, now get out,” He says coldly.

“Fucking fine then!” I hop out of the van, “I’ll walk next time.” I slam the van door and start trudging to my apartment.

“There won’t be a next time! You owe me for this, by the way!” He yells.

“Yeah sure, whatever!” I walk faster up the stairs and go into my apartment. 

My mom is already in bed asleep. I come in quietly and tiptoe to my bathroom. I strip off all my clothes and turn on the shower; I take off my makeup while I wait for it to heat up. I slip my hand under the water to check the temperature, it’s perfect. I step in and sigh happily as I feel the warm water wash over my body. I wash my hair twice because I don’t trust whatever the hell is in the water at the lake. When I get out I wrap a black towel around my body and a blue one in my hair. I do my skin care and hair routines; it helps calm me down before bed. I know that tonight it’ll be pretty impossible for me to get to sleep, most nights I’m up for a while and I know tonight it’ll be even worse. I put on a band t-shirt and a pair of black and gray striped panties before getting into bed. I know the shirt will come off before I go to sleep, I can’t stand the feeling of wearing a shirt when I try to sleep.

I get under the covers and turn on my radio, sometimes listening to music before bed helps me clear my thoughts, but not tonight. Tonight the music just soundtracks my thoughts about Eddie and what happened. I wonder what he thought when he saw me at the cooler, and then what he thought when he saw me stripping in front of everyone and jumping into the lake. I wonder if he liked what he saw, or he was still just disgusted by the mere thought of me. I wonder why he helped me. He didn’t have to, he could’ve just left or completely ignored the entire situation but he intervened. He stole my clothes back from some jock and pushed Billy fucking Hargrove into the lake. He’s on two peoples shitlists now all because he helped me out. It makes no sense; he looked at me with disgust when he saw me at the cooler so why help? And why offer me a ride home? God, I just don’t get it, men are so fucking confusing. There’s a reason I limit them to one night and then pretty much force them to swear it into secrecy that we had ever had sex. It’s not that I’m ashamed that I’ve slept with who I have, well besides Tommy, that’s like the biggest regret I think I’ve ever had. I just know what’ll happen if everyone knows who I’m sleeping with, when you’re in Carol and Tommy’s circle everybody is obsessed with who you’re fucking. Everyone loves the drama of getting to label someone a slut or getting to come up with bullshit rumors about your relationship. But if nobody knows shit about your love or sex life, then you can kind of avoid it.

It’s not just my circle whose relationships and hookups get picked apart. Shockingly Eddie’s love and sex life is considered a fun topic to many people. Everyone knows me and Eddie used to be best friends so when he started dating a girl who was practically my clone everyone was quick to spread rumors he was only dating her because she looked like me. I can’t lie, she could’ve been my twin. She had the same hair and eye color as me; she had my lips and my eyes; she was like me but prettier and it pissed me off. 

I saw them together once at a party; she was dancing on him and he looked at her like she was the only girl in the world, the strobe lights in the room illuminating their faces. It drove a stake through my heart as soon as I saw it. I remember running into the kitchen and taking a shot, and then another. I was quick to find a guy to hook up with; I hoped it would take my mind off Eddie. I had even let him give me hickeys hoping Eddie would notice and be jealous, but that guy couldn’t even make me cum so I got absolutely nothing out of it. I should’ve been over Eddie by then, and I should be over him by now, but he clings to my mind constantly like a parasite. 

I’ve heard the stories about Eddie, sleeping with a few girls here and there, stumbling into short-lived relationships with some of them. My luck is just as bad. Every guy I’ve been with can’t seem to give me what I’m looking for, but then again, I don’t even know what I’m looking for. I just know it’s not whatever a drunk bathroom hookup or a blind date has given me. I’m sick of how I’ve felt since me and Eddie stopped being friends. Some nights it gets so bad I almost pick up the phone. I have his number memorized for years, and I doubt I’ll ever forget it. When I’m drunk, I have to fight back every urge to call him. I know that if I do, he’d either slam the phone down as soon as my voice hits his ears, or maybe he’d cuss me out, tell me everything that’s wrong with me as if I haven’t spent my nights listing off every flaw for years. The emptiness aches through my body like a sickness. It’s an ache that alcohol or pills can’t fix. I don’t know if anything ever will.

[ksiondzkanexkiii]

MAYBE YOU'RE NOT A BAD PERSON

Chapter Ten

Found story on wattpad/neobook or tumblr

Next chapter (11)

Price thought it would be hard for Jinx to get into school mode of waking up in the morning to go to school and then returning to his apartment to do homework and then continue working. That she would complain about getting up early just as he was waking her up at five o'clock to go jogging with him even if the doctor forbade him to do it at least it distracted him from work and the pain in his leg, admittedly he was supposed to spare himself, but he overlooked that fact.

Looking at the teenage girl looking at herself in the mirror correcting her hair and looking at her body judging and trying new fashion tricks stuffing a T-shirt into her pants or tucking it up to resemble a top, but each time she frowned her face looking at Price who only shook his head when I think it looks ugly.

- What are we doing, anyway? - Asked the captain finally, smoking his cigar - Why are you experimenting like this? - he added after a moment, looking at the teenager, who was now still rearranging her hair reflexively after the last time she pulled off her loose shirt, her blue eyes rested on him and shrugged her shoulders. He crossed his arms over his chest and raised a brow

- Because I'm curious," she muttered again, maneuvering her shirt to look good in it

- Because? Curiosity doesn't come out of nowhere, literally doesn't come out of nowhere at six in the morning," he squeezed his arms tighter on his chest raising his eyebrow even higher turning his head, "Something going on at school? - He inquired while watching her back and yet focused his gaze on the reflection in the mirror so he could see her face. He knew that the teenage years were one big challenge for a parent or legal guardian as he was, but he thought Jinx was either not interested in her appearance or had long since discovered what she liked

Yet here he was surprised

- Jinx? - He called out, wanting to get the attention of the teenager, who continued to look at herself in the mirror - Are you listening to me at all? -

- He didn't. - She only shrugged her shoulders, but a mischievous smile adorned her face suggesting to him that she did. She heard him, but ignored him, wrinkling her forehead - I don't like it when you ignore me - He muttered, continuing to watch her

- Just wants to change or is that a bad thing? -

- No, that's not a bad thing. But behind every change, there is a reason that he wants to know - and he wants to know it.

- My style has worn off -

- You can lie to everyone but me Jinx. -

- I'm not lying, not everything I say is a lie - She hissed like a snake turning on her heel to look at him with reproach in her eyes that how dare he tell her she was lying when she was telling the truth. No, she wasn't telling the truth in the sense of a half-truth pronounced and yet it hurt when he stated that she was lying. She doesn't always lie, she only lies when she is forced to do so and considers it the only path of defense he was already about to chastise her when a knock sounded at the door.

A teacher would come to escort Jinx to school. Someone had to escort her to and from school like a small child, but safety issues are important, no one trusted her especially since she had tried to run away many times in previous places that were supposed to , "rehabilitate" her or as Price prefers to call it, "adapt her to society" his brow furrowed.

He watched Jinx vigorously take her backpack, the school she liked was suspicious to Price. He gets too excited or maybe it's just him being overly sensitive about everything and this is normal? He never had a child so all the more reason to raise a teenager. But she is not even his child

- Jinx! - He called out to the teenager, who was already at the exit door to run out of his apartment without even looking at Mr. Hamilton, when Jinx turned around Price threw an apple, which she caught, smiled gently and muttered a quiet , "Thank you" he watched the door close and a heavy sigh left the Captain's lips as he sank down on the couch again wiping his face with the top of his hand. It could have been an interesting ten months of school and it's only September! And yet it continues to be warm in London.

Jinx walked almost bouncing in place with excitement at every storefront she looked at in her reflection in the window judging how she looked obsessively correcting her hat or hair - Woah! Woah! - giggled Hamilton looking at the red-haired teenager who walked in front of him

- The first day of school you didn't look like that - He stated watching her with curiosity while improving his laptop bag slung over his shoulder, the brunet dressed in a warm autumn coat wrapped himself tighter to keep the heat that escaped from his body and brown eyes watched the teenager closely to rebuke her for her behavior if necessary, the beige pants were just asking to fall over in the big mud. At least that's what Jinx thought, but she preferred not to say it out loud - What made you change? - He raised a brown eyebrow and scratched his two-day-old beard

Jinx, looking over her shoulder at Mr. Hamilton, only shrugged her shoulders, "I just... I don't know," she shrugged her shoulders, calming her gait and emotions to see the paintings on the walls.

- No Jinx. These shits we ignore - He rebuked her and she only scowled silently at him - I can see that - He scolded himself

- And well. You were supposed to see," she shrugged her shoulders, smiling mischievously and sending him a look that said , "Did I hurt your ego?" a giggle left Jinx's lips as she sped up a step wanting to lose Hamilton, she wanted so badly now to be around the group of teenagers she had grown so fond of especially the Rodriguez siblings they are funny when they argue and Aria always laughs the loudest and Noah prefers to stay out of it protecting his love from the wrath of the siblings

And Isolde? She tries to calm everyone down as usual trying to control the quarrel that grows over the siblings during the day which is increasing like a dark cloud over London threatening torrential rain due to the siblings cursing in front of each other at the end of the day and so they will love each other as if nothing bad happened today.

The charms of siblings

She could only giggle thinking what would happen today. She was a week into school and she liked it, it was as if the writer who describes her wanted her to have a happy life, that after many twists and turns she finally got onto the straight path she needed to walk to be happy

Maybe she wanted to defend herself from being changed into a , "better person" maybe her mind told her to run away, steal or go back to her old habits however her body said and did something else as if it wanted to sit calmly in the car that leads her along the straight road to a happy ending.

Only had to wait until something bad happened

Even for the captain it was a surprise how the teenager did not cause trouble and supposedly was a , "heavy teenager" or , "Teenager with a bunch of problems that the officers could not handle".

Of course she didn't tell him much he didn't ask for much. She only had to follow his orders and do the routine he tried to weave into her body so that she wouldn't think about anything other than school and changing herself for the better, but he also had his classes in the rest after a few months in fact after two years he could return to the base even if he didn't return to the battlefield but only ended up in his office at the base for a few hours he was extremely happy again to smell that stench that lingered in the base from sweaty soldiers or gunpowder.

- We meet here as usual after fifteen thirty," said Hamilton looking at his watch, and Jinx didn't listen to him, she knew what to do, she had heard this formula too many times and quickly disappeared behind the school door to find her friends? I guess that's what she could call them although she didn't know them that well yet but she felt comfortable with them so she could call them friends right?

When do you call people friends?

Is this the point at which you begin to trust this person to call him a friend?

Do you just have a good conversation with her and then you can call her a friend?

Jinx didn't know the answer to this question she usually didn't trust anyone on the streets she learned that everyone was an enemy or foe less or more dangerous way they showed it by pushing or stealing food to beating and maybe even killing for supplies for winter or summer. Every food and bottle of fresh water was at a premium and continues to be in the world of the homeless, but people who have money don't think about it so much because after all they have everything in abundance they don't lack anything, and if they do lack anything they can go to the store and buy it just like that, when the homeless are thrown over the door frame when they beg for even the smallest bottle of water. Back then you had to steal even if you didn't want to, you had to survive somehow

When she felt a hard blow on her shoulder she shook off her reverie as she parted her lips and looked at the person she had bumped into. Hound. The person's belongings were lying on the ground and the girl was looking at her with such hostility in her eyes as if her family had been killed - Forgive me, I didn't see you, I was thinking," muttered Jinx quickly as she bent down to pick up the notebooks that the teenage stranger had dropped

Who looked at her like she was already her enemy number one those dirty blonde hair loose and reaching all the way to her waist long freshly done nails that were a mile long according to the redhead. A pink top that didn't cover her belly and was short-sleeved actually looked more like a sports bra than a top fortunately it was all covered up by a black leather jacket black high-waisted pants perfectly framed the teenager's legs as if she was a cheap prostitute for every boy in the neighborhood

This wouldn't even particularly surprise Jinx, she gave her things back to her hastily and wanted to get away so as not to get into any quarrel. If she had gotten into an argument she might have lost her temper and hit the poor girl the stranger opened her mouth to utter some words probably as a warning to Jinx or to vent her anger over the fact that they had bumped into each other.

However, the redhead quickly disappeared around the corner hurriedly walking to the back of the school to meet the Rodriguez siblings, Noah and Aria well she couldn't forget Isolde especially she even had cigarettes with her to give them for the past week they kept giving her this time it was she who had to repay the debt sloppy and tired of life the pack of cigarettes was in her bag waiting to be taken out.

- Hey Jinx! - Cried Aria noticing the red-haired teenager who almost jumped up walking towards them, the lowest girl in the group vigorously waved to Jinx, the rest of the group became animated seeing their new group member also waved to her.

- Hey - smiled Jinx looking at them everyone embraced each other, when they greeted each other everyone smelled of cigarette smoke except, of course, Isolde, who was the only one who did not smoke, but stood next to them effectively avoiding the cigarette smoke so as not to stink of it - I have something for you - she said and threw her backpack over her shoulder to pull out cigarettes

- What is this? - Asked curious Aria looking into Jinx's bag - Aria not nice to look into someone's backpack - Crossed her arms over her chest Ava raised her eyebrow as she spoke earning giggles from some of the group

- You gave me cigarettes so I my guardian stole," Jinx shrugged her shoulders, giving each cigarette a little crumpled apparently hard to survive transport in Jinx's bag, "And it's nothing, let him look anyway there is nothing interesting in there," she added after a while, raking herself up and raising her hand to cover the cigarette that was between her cherry lips so that the wind would not blow away her fire that came from the lighter

- Caregiver? Is that what you call your parents? - Surprised Eric, he was not used to calling his parents , "guardian" he was more likely to address them as "mom" or "dad" and not "guardian" Blue green eyes looked at the taller colleague

- He is not my father. He adopted me," Jinx explained, letting the smoke out of her mouth as she lit a cigarette and handed the lighter to Ari

- So you are adopted? - Noah's eyes lit up slightly as if he knew what it was like, the redhead only raised an eyebrow and slowly nodded. Noah's girlfriend pointed at him - His sister is also adopted," she explained in a whisper so her boyfriend wouldn't hear it, but smiled not guiltily while handing the lighter to Ava

- Oh... Not bad... I guess," shrugged Jinx's shoulders as she inhaled, the Rodriguez siblings giggled quietly, "That's good because his sister is better than he is even if she is adopted," they joked which earned the angry brown eyes of Noah who rebuked them with his eyes at which they stopped laughing

Jinx and Isolde giggled seeing the scene in front of them and Aria hugged her lover being careful, not to burn his clothes with cigarette ash - "By the way," Aria started to say with her British accent, which everyone at school has only Jinx's speech stood out, of course you could hear her British which was given to her by her mother and yet simplifying words like an American was in her blood through the genes of her father whom she hated so much her mother too, but to her she could half forgive but only twenty-five percent could forgive her the other percentages were angry with her.

-What is this guardian of yours? - Asked Noah interjecting Ari who wanted to ask something or tell a story Jinx only shrugged her shoulders not knowing how to answer

- It is good gives food is a roof over your head. We try not to get in each other's way," she shrugged her shoulders again, taking a long drag on her cigarette. It was true with Price she had a complicated relationship they both tried not to get in each other's way and not to make life difficult Come on Jinx wanted to spite him and had a ton of plans and yet her body was betraying her and doing something completely different as if her body wanted to change, but her mind was not open to change. Two conflicting views were in her mind, her thoughts didn't want to change and yet her body was entering into decisions that change her and open her to new thoughts and possibilities.

- Changing the subject - Again Aria began to speak wanting to say what she wanted to say behind before she was interrupted by Noah - You know almost all of us in the sense of you know our favorite activities, i.e. smoking - joked Aria and the group giggled - But we know almost nothing about you - accused her pointing to Jinx who raised her eyebrows

- Well, that's right - Ava's eyes brightened noticing this fact, she was about to say something further, but was interrupted by the bell heralding the start of classes, Jinx looked up at the sky to soak up the last rays of sunshine come on they were standing in the shade so she just looked at the blue sky put on her backpack again

- I have nothing interesting to say," Jinx shrugged her shoulders, "I have to go to class, are you coming with me or staying to play truant? - she asked although she probably knew the answer Noah will probably stay to smoke a cigarette to the end and it takes him a long time and Aria as a faithful lover will stay with him, Isolde will probably go with the redhead and siblings are more changeable than women.

- I'm staying to smoke a cigarette and go to the second lesson - Said Noah what Jinx predicted and Aria uttered without a loud , "I'll stay with him". - I'm coming with you," said Isolde putting on her backpack, which was white and black striped both teens looked at their siblings, who looked at each other waging an eye war trying to figure out what they were doing

- Let's go with you," said Ava wincing at her brother who groaned in displeasure Jinx and Izolde giggled again nodding their heads heading towards the classroom. Walking quietly through the halls - By the way," Jinx began to say wanting to keep the conversation going, "I ran into some girl today, she was strange," muttered Jinx and Izolde who was walking arm in arm with her looked at her surprisingly Jinx saw worry in her blue eyes

- What did she look like? - Asked Ava also having a worried look almost the same as Isolde, the redhead did not know what was going on - Well she had blonde hair similar she had terribly long nails although I should more say claws. She was dressed like a slut, because she was revealing a lot - shrugged her shoulders Jinx speaking without emotion as if it was nothing only Ava and Isolde survive Eric did not give a damn about all this

- Let me guess she had blue eyes? So very blue? -

- Yes a what? -

Isolde and Ava's worried gaze only deepened - It was probably Viktoria Herrera," said Ava quietly speculating, "I don't know what this Viktoria looks like so it's hard for me to tell," shrugged Jinx's shoulders, stopping in front of the room where they had lessons

- And you have a look as if I killed your parents and I have never killed anyone," muttered Jinx looking at everyone with furrowed brows

- Herrera is a very , "popular" girl," Izolde began to say while standing in front of Jinx

- It's just that she's rich," Eric interjected, interrupting his colleague's speech, earning him a deadly stare from Isolde and his sister

- Her parents are rich and have influence over the school, because they funded many things here - Isolde began to speak again - And she is mean as a rag and slutty as a whore - again interjected Eric gaining a snap in the occiput by his sister issued a silent , "Ow" rubbing the sore spot

- Yes, by the fact that she is rich she has everyone really on a leash. She can do what she likes everyone is her enemy, but she is neutral as you don't get under her skin most likely she wouldn't know you exist," Ava said this time on one exhale and Jinx crinkled her eyebrows

- Let me guess now I'm on her blacklist? - Asked Jinx knowing what she was getting at the Rodriguez siblings nodded their heads - Most likely yes," muttered Isolde and the redhead only groaned in displeasure and sighed heavily

- It's hard. I can handle worse things I've been through in my life," she shrugged her shoulders and entered the classroom. Everyone was still getting ready for class including the teacher did not even notice that the four teenagers came in late, Jinx sat in the last bench by the window and next to her Isolde and the Siblings sat in front of them - It can not be as bad as you say - She defended herself in a whisper so that the teacher did not notice

Mrs. Dorinson could be strict from what the teenagers told her and surprisingly Jinx didn't want to cause trouble maybe for the fact that every teacher knows there is a program to , "socialize" her and one mistake.

- I'm not so sure about that," Isolde muttered, pulling out her textbooks from Chemistry, which Ms. Dorinson Jinx teaches raised an eyebrow, "Don't you believe in me? - she asked skeptically

- It's not about that. Viktoria can take revenge to such an extent that her victims often change schools to leave her or end up in a mental hospital," Isolde mourned as she looked at Jinx and her blue eyes continued to express a worry that Jinx couldn't understand. Isolde's grasp of Jinx's hand was warm, so much so that Jinx felt that her hand was warm and not cold as it had always been. Jinx looked into those blue eyes trying not to get lost in them - Just promise to watch out for each other -.

The silence that emerged between the teens was a killer Jinx didn't know what to say only briefly nodded her head in agreement - Say it Jinx - Isolde sounded like she was already about to beg for Jinx to make a sound of any kind so that she knew her promise was true

- I promise," whispered Jinx, but her voice barely left her throat as if the lump that had formed in her throat was very unwilling to say anything. One last squeeze of her hand and Isolde let go of Jinx's hand which felt the cold hit her palm as Isolde's warmth escaped from her hand. A little sadly, Izolde sent her a brief smile glad that the redhead had promised her to be careful about the Herrera whom Izolde was so afraid of and her blue hair tips were going into her eyes.

Jinx was not afraid of Viktori she experienced much scarier things, more often much worse than some spoiled teenager who has nothing interesting to offer and do than to oppress the weak. Jinx despised it so much, but she had no way to change it only she could watch from the sidelines, if she trumped she could end up with the principal and he would call Price and the consequences would be that she would end up in juvie again

And that's what she didn't want so badly

She liked the outdoors, maybe she had to follow Price's rules and his scolding more or less harsh depending on what she did wrong, but it was possible to live as if it was all normal. So what could be terrible about a spoiled teenager? All you have to do is threaten her more than she can handle and she's free to go.

- Besides. Aria was right," whispered Isolde looking at the redhead next to her bored in Mrs. Dorinson's lesson who was bored as in every lesson speaking her monologue thinking everyone was listening to her, "You know almost everything about us, but we know nothing about you," she recalled what Aria had said before they went to class

- What do you want to know about me? - Jinx was surprised - I have nothing interesting to offer - she shrugged her shoulders

- What is your favorite TV series? -

- Series? -

- Well. What series do you like? How about a book or movie? -

- I don't watch something like that or read I don't have time for that -.

- So what do you do in your spare time? -

- I am fulfilling my routine -.

- Meaning? -

- You know... I clean my apartment, do my homework -.

- And don't you have a moment to yourself? -

- Well... No -.

Isolde lowered her mouth in shock, how can you have such a set schedule that you have no time for yourself and no time to rest - This guardian of yours makes you do all this? - she asked

- In part -

- What part? It sounds like you're doing everything and he's just sitting on the couch watching the games," Isolde was outraged and Jinx quietly giggled

- No it's not like that," Jinx giggled, looking at Isolde, "Price is also doing something we share responsibilities it just worked out that way," she shrugged her shoulders, Isolde only skeptically nodded her head not trusting the words of the other teenager

- I didn't even see that you had your phone on you," said Ava turning towards Jinx and Isolde who were sitting behind her. Jinx's face wilted and her smile dropped, she couldn't tell that she was a program , "changing people" to return to society again and the aspect of the phone nailed her as if it was an obvious part of life for everyone and further something new. She had to lie somehow, but no lie was coming to mind

- Oh broke down - She spit it out as fast as she could look at the teacher to see if she noticed that the three teenagers were talking Eric was lying on the bench seemed to be asleep

- It fell to me and crashed," Jinx added after a moment, wanting both girls to gulp the hook of the lie, which it seemed they did, as they nodded their heads. And all the redhead could do was press her hands to her mouth so they wouldn't see her worry it was as if the two girls sensed something, as if they sensed what Jinx was supposed to be hiding. Either Jinx had to be more believable or she would be screwed

[hurrl]

You know I gotta request a fic with Chrys and Ronny. Maybe the theme can be teasing? 😳👀

OF COURSE!!!

Listen. They're roommates in this one

For whatever reason, when Ronny woke up this morning, he decided to choose violence.

"You know you snore, right?" He walked into the kitchen, an impish grin on his face knowing Chrysalis was in there.

"I literally don't" Chrys hadn't even finished her protein coffee, it was too early for his shit "But if it's such a problem, you can always leave,"

Chrys had moved Ronny after her dogs, Dolce and Gabbana caught him mid-break in a few months. Normally she would've let them tear an intruder apart, but there was something about Ronny; a certain "wet ratness" to him that made Chrys want to keep him. He was like her own personal project. A pet!

"Hey, I'm just looking out for you," Ronny put up both his hands, "I could hear you from down the hall last night. Seriously, whoever did your nose job probably deviated your septum, you should get your money back,"

"My septum is perfect, my nose is perfect," Chrys said in a sing-song voice as she placed her hand over her heart. She then clicked her tongue and scoffed, "Literally suck a dick," "Know where I can find one?" He laughed. He was honestly surprised at how easy she was to piss off today. "There's a huge one standing in front of me,"

"Too bad I can't suck myself,"

"Remove a few ribs, you'll find a way," Chrys scrunched up her nose, as she began to exit the kitchen.

Hey, wait, no! He wasn't done messing with her!

Ronny followed Chrys down the hall and made sure to invade Chrys' personal space as she walked.

"Aw, don't leave, we're having fun. So what if you snore-"

"I don't snore, snoring is for ugly people!" Chrys huffed.

"Wow, I really stuck a nerve, huh?!" Ronny started to cackle- he had this really annoying hyena laugh that made Chrys cringe, "C'mon, don't get mad at me because I told you the truth," "Oh, you want the truth?"

Shit, he was about to get kicked out, wasn't he? He started planning on how many things he could swipe before she sicked the dogs on him.

"Pfft, yeah! Let me hear it!" Despite acting so brazen, he was preparing himself for the worst. This really was one of the better places he's stayed at, yeah he could swipe a good amount and make a decent profit, but he knew he'd miss hanging around.

"I think you're really cute, Ronny," Oh she's doing that again.

"Ha ha," He feigned a laugh. He had fallen victim to this Chrys tactic in the past, "Not falling for that one," again.

"No like... seriously," Chys twirled her strawberry milk pink hair, "I know I've joked about it before, but you're actually really hot. And I know you're only messing with me because you feel the same way," "Yeah I also think I'm really hot," Ronny rolled his eyes, this was lame, she had turned his fun into a joke. He tried to walk past her but she grabbed him by the shoulder and pushed him against the wall.

"Don't you ever imagine what it would be like, you and me?"

"No, why would I do something like that?" He felt his face heat up, if he had never thought of it before, he was thinking about it now. He knew she was messing with him, but still, it was kind of hard to not think about it when they were chest to chest.

"Your face is all red!~" Chrys teased, "It's cute when you blush like that," She brushed a piece of his hair behind his ear

"Can you fuck off?" He was determined not to entertain her.

"Aww, are you upset?" Chrysalis pouted, "You want it to be real, huh?" She giggled, "Well guess what? we can make it happen, right now~" She tugged him closer to her by the belt loop of his jeans.

Fuck-

"Someone's excited," She purred. He knew better than to play into it, but since she was going this far- "Why don't you take care of it then," Nailed it, he probably sounded so sexy and cool right there.

"PFFT HAHAHA!" Chys let go, holding her sides as she laughed, "Oh my God oh my God, what was that?! Eugh! yuck!"

"I was just playing along," He fell for it AGAIN

"That was not playing along. That was full on- I don't even know what that was? Some sort of pseudo-dom bullshit?"

"It was a joke-"

"Uh-huh, sure," Chrys nodded with a smug look on her face, "You know I really was considering fucking you before you said that corny shit,"

"No, you were just messing with me because you were pissed off about the snoring thing," "I was, but like," She gave him the once over and shrugged, "You're cute enough! It's just, like, IF we ever have sex I wanna have sex with Ronny, you know? Like... my Ronny. The one who broke into my house and almost got mauled by my dogs, he's awkward and annoying-" "I don't know what you're talking about,"

She laughed through her nose with a shrug before walking off, "You know, I got a fleshlight through PR if you need to take care of that problem I caused~!" God, he couldn't stand her sometimes... but since she was offering-

[limoposeedor]

obsessed

Being a ghost is not an easy task, it is very boring and even more so seeing people live what one cannot live. I was a simple teenager who liked to study, I hardly left the house and the truth is that after a while I realized that I was very ugly In my physical appearance, but through the window I always saw him go by.

A guy who always passed by on my street on his way to the gym always made me stop feeling bad. I felt that he motivated me.

That same afternoon I went out to change my life and exercise but to my bad or good luck I was run over and died but apparently the person who ran over me turned out to be some kind of shaman who, seeing what he did, asked me "if I wanted to have fun" I told him Yes, I don't know why, but now I'm happy with my decision, because at that moment I started to float, I was a ghost, the shaman started driving and told me

"Go and have fun" I already knew what I wanted and I went to the gym to see my idol exercise, I was so happy I looked at him while he took a picture how handsome ..

I got closer to him to see if I could admire his physique more closely but I didn't expect that he could trip me like ghosts, I admit that it is the trip that I thank God the most for giving me. Because when I regained my balance, he was gone, I looked at myself and smiled, I went to the bathroom and looked in the mirror, there I could see myself, it was him, I looked at his wallet and for the first time I could find out his name or my new name.

I changed my clothes and admired my new body

She had a perfect back and the best of all was her bulge between her legs, thanks Gerardo for motivating me to be you.

I look at Gerardo's cell phone, I unlock it with a fingerprint, I wish I had his memories, but I'm happy with what I already have, I look and see that I'm invited to go to the beach...mm, what should I do? Go to the beach or try to find out about it. his family...

At the end of the information I decided to go there maybe with me and by the way they told me that they would take me to my perfect house for me. No one noticed the change in Gerardo's personality and who would blame them, literally, I'm behaving like him, the only difference is that I'm less talkative but I'll correct that later.

It's been months since I've lived like Gerardo, his mom is the best, mine just told me if I didn't study, he'd throw me out of the house. Today I went to school and I smiled when I saw my face thanks to that I stole many glances. The good thing is that they thought that I smile at them.

I adore this body, apart from being cute and handsome, he is very muscular. Today I was invited to a Halloween party, get ready, here I am.

[atinylittlepain]

A note on line graphs, spit, and take and bake croissants

If you couldn't tell, I don't know what I'm doing. Right now, in this liminal space between graduating and Whatever Is Next, it's never been more clear to me how very much I don't know what I'm doing.

I've been out of college for three weeks now, and I've been so depressed for all of these three weeks that my days have turned into a string of small bargains with myself. I feel like there's a fine line between wanting to censor content to protect folks from what could be triggering, and calling a spade a spade. So, a note to take care of yourself, because I'm about to talk about depression, and I'm going to do so in a truthful, and therefore ugly way.

The truth, I've been depressed for a while. The other truth, the last three weeks have brought on a weight and depth of depression I have quite literally never experienced before. On the bad days, I only feel half-real and end the day saying nonsense words out loud to myself to make sure I still have a voice. I get angry and cancel plans and say awful things to people I love. And on the good days, I feel like a child who just got in trouble, all soft and smarting, all raw skin. I speak and I don't like what I say. I write and I don't like what I say on paper either. I've been crying, a lot, all the time, usually in the evening and in bed. I wake up with my eyes crusted shut and a headache most mornings and yes, I think, it makes sense to look as miserable as I feel.

Another truth, I almost backed out of my graduate school admission because I convinced myself I would fail miserably and completely, almost backed out of moving to Austin, the move that is happening in four days, because I had swallowed so much fear that it was, and kind of still is, all that I breathe. That's how little faith I have in myself right now.

Today was one of the better days, a clarity that I haven't had in a while, and I guess that's why I'm writing this, to try to pin that clarity down. Another truth, I don't think it's depression. I think what this really is is mourning, done very shittily.

Mourning a place, sure. Bye, Colorado. Mourning a couple relationships too, friendships that have run their course always sting. But I think more generally I'm just growing out of something right now. My bones hurt and my skin feels tight and I'm growing out of something - a particular time in my life that looked a particular way that is starting to rot, frankly, with how I've tried to cling to it. I don't want to be here, in whatever this is, anymore, and at the same time, I'm afraid to let go of it - does that make any sense? I don't know if it does, I really don't. Something is passing away, that's all I know, and if I don't let it, I'm going to wither with it.

Last week I walked onto my empty undergrad campus and I stood on the steps of the chapel within which I planned the memorial service for my dead friend only a year ago, and I looked around to make sure no one was watching, and I spit on the holy threshold. It didn't feel as good as I thought it would, marginally amusing at best, and then I left. Something got let go of, at the very least.

Today I bargained with the oven - all I had to do was stay for the twenty minutes it took to bake one of those shitty croissants you get in the freezer aisle, and I could do that, and it was simple for those twenty minutes. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I've been struggling with time, and how to keep up with it, and how to stop asking for some of it back. I had a therapist who I wanted to throw a lamp at because she was always telling me that my problem is that I get stuck in the past or the future, which, what a fucking therapist thing to say, right? I'm afraid she was right though.

I still don't know what I'm trying to say here - maybe just that things are changing, and I'm trying to let them, and that is easier said than done.

And listen, I don't like being a bummer on here - but also, lately, I don't like being on here, period. I thought I wanted to write fic again and it turns out that was more of me clinging to the corpse of something that just makes me feel sick and shitty. I liked when this space felt like my own and it doesn't feel like that anymore, and maybe that's what I'm trying to accomplish by writing this, just to assert that there is some kind of space somewhere that I can make my own, that doesn't require any bargaining. Who knows, I'll have probably changed my mind by tomorrow morning, but I'll keep you posted, pfft.

[katyspersonal]

I will be honest, the reason why I am not very sociable within "communities uwu" for my favorite characters or ships beyond occasinal asks or comments in reblogs is not really asocial attitude or arrogance. I do NOT think I am "too cool for plebs" just because I can point out some objective flaws in social dynamics or always have my own thing to offer instead of blending with headcanons commonly accepted amongst my peers.

The real reason is that I am just in a permanent Lilo Pelekai state regardless of age and experience lol. You remember when she tried to socialize with the other girls with playing dolls and simply weirded them out very much? I am just like this. Related to that character since forever. I'll weird my peers out, if not scare them or give them "bad vibes", without even doing anything bad. I can just take up space in a group as an autistic person that can NOT mimic others, and 90% of the people will get confused with my weird headcanons or feel annoyed with my scrupulous analysis of the source material or be disgusted with my unskilled and "ugly" art of our fav(s)....

It is not that I think I am too elite to hang out, it is just that I am very reluctant to socialize only to feel the same 'weird looks' on me that remind me how I'd have to change literally everything about my tastes and approach to be accepted.. and frankly sometimes make me want to wash my autism away like if it was a layer of filth. Not many finally broke to snap at me admitting what exactly makes them uncomfortable about my attempts to enjoy the same fav/ship, most just kept leaving aggressive hints that would pass even through my dumbass layer x) I am glad that some snapped though; harsh truth is always better than """trying to be polite""" imo. I hate it when fellow fans that are weirded out by me "try to be polite", actually: it is not your problem if truth makes me cry and run away. Hearing truth is how people like me eventually find friends that LOVE them, instead of wasting emotions on those that merely "tolerate" them!

But I am still glad that I DO have people who genuinely like my style and 'weirdness'. I do need approval and communication like any other human being, I'm not trying to lift above that. Just trying to stay safer.

[1010ninetynine]

there's no single point. it's a mess. I'm not quite sorry.

I read Haikei, Seken-sama, the story of a trans man, and now I feel wrecked emotionally. I'm going to talk about it on tumblr dot com because no one else will hear this. well, it's not like the abyss of social media responds all the time. most of my moots like watching men kiss so idk if this even smacks for em. i mean there's one man doing the kissing? eventually? we don't even see it.

It's based on the author's experience living his life. The thought terrifies me to no end.

With this lead up you might think people die in this manga. No, no one does. No violence either. Definitely not as scarring as Banana fish, arguably.

Let me talk to you. Woman to algorithm.

Sorry if it's triggering.

The very first chapter features a kid with short hair putting on a school uniform, checking the skirt length, putting on chapstick, looking in the mirror and describing a creature in a skirt. They rush to school. Perfume is forced onto them. They try to wash it off. It's not coming off. She's accepted she's late, she walks at an even pace. She's accepted that despite everything she's a woman. And seeing the fate of an ugly girl, being treated as something to ignore and mock, she knows that she must be normal. It's better to be normal.

I say this without a shred of irony - Rino Tachibana feels like an alternate version of me. I mean, he ends up transitioning to be a male, and he seems like he gets laid more than I ever will. but that's boring talk.

the point is that I, like most people I imagine, hate and love the thought of being normal. of people not looking at me like im a weirdo. of being constrained by everyone's rules. they carve their way into my heart and thus engrave themselves into my soul. i want to be seen as a masculine figure but that's just not possible as a woman without being weird. i aim for the next best thing and it's not all that great. I've settled for being seen as a weirdo.

But Rino wanted to be a man. His name becomes Kanesho at the end of the manga.

She also loved Hanako, and knew Hanako wouldn't love her. She didn't conform to gender roles from an early age.

The truth is this is something that gays are known for, being unable to conform to society's expectations. there's people who argue that transition is a way to escape sexism/homophobia to an extent and I want to argue with those people that no, there are gnc gay men and women who just exist. I want to tell them that obviously no one would transition just for homophobia when I know so many who transitioned and ended up being gay because of it.

That's not consistent with the reality of the situation. If you're interested in women, and you prefer masculine activities, of course you'd want to be a guy. I know i've wanted my boobs gone as a teenager, hell, even now they bother me but I fucking ignore it. It's only natural, especially in a conservative country like Japan. I can't just like...fucking deny that. I can't deny that in countries like Iran, that might be your only option as a gay person if you want to, I dunno, fucking LIVE.

So yeah. It's definitely possible that a lot of trans people transition out of sexism/homophobia.

And that literally, in text, what is being described (not that Japan would kill her for liking girls if she didn't transition). Rino wants to be a guy to play soccer with the other boys, she doesn't like makeup and other feminine things, and doesn't like her feminine frame. Rino wants to be a guy because that's the only way she'd have a chance with Hanako.

Rino then tries to find someone for her crush so Hanako wouldn't be with anyone, only to get the wrong guy. She ends up dating him as a way to continue being with Hanako. She then breaks up with him because she knows she's not being honest + because she's masculine the guy's getting called gay for dating her and she feels like she's done something wrong.

I won't ascribe good or bad to Rino/Kanesho. I will say that what led to her living an honest life where he didn't have to suppress his desires was becoming more masculine (wearing a suit to graduation, and accepting that they kicked him out for it, transitioning medically and eventually getting a hysterectomy so he can call himself a Real Man).

I'm not saying this to blame Kanesho for his decisions, again I'm not sure what's right or not in these situations. I think they made him happy and in any case, he's not hurting a soul.

It just feels...it feels so fucking tragic is what it is. Rino would have never wanted to transition if her parents just let her be masculine. If she wasn't told that as a woman, liking other woman was wrong. And the truth is, this will fucking affect his life. He will not live as long, he's more at risk for osteoporosis, and several other health risks, all of this mentioned in manga btw. And he's accepted it because he's so happy living like this.

And how could he not? People don't judge him when he expresses interest in masculine activities, for dating girls, he's free to be himself. He just had to render himself infertile and at risk for numerous medical conditions, pay a hefty fee, and accept a reduced lifespan.

I don't misgender people who are real. I understand how fucking miserable it can be, and dysphoria's difficult to deal with. So, I use preferred pronouns and I generally try to avoid making people dysphoric. Rino/Kanesho Tachibana is not real, so I'm being honest about how I see her/him. I'm truly sorry if this bothers you - but I won't change that.

I too have looked in the mirror and hated what was there. I know what it's like to hate yourself so thoroughly transition seems like the only solution. And truth be told, I only didn't because I realized that if I continued T for long enough, a hysterectomy would be like...medically necessary. Vaginal atrophy would happen and I'd have to self lubricate. All of which, beyond my means personally.

what's my point? i don't have one really. haikei seiken sama was incredible.