#she listens to the radio and think whoa love this song but never knows any other songs by the same people

[me-uglypretty]

do you think natasha romanoff only listens to radio hit singles while working out?

[forasecondtherewedwon]

soundtrack to a tooth alignment

Fandom: Percy Jackson and the Olympians Rating: G Word Count: 967

Summary: It's just a dumb song. It'll end eventually. (But also, what is love?)

If Percy had to explain his quest strategy, he’d say it’s pretty much “attack now, think later”—like, days later—so if this particular quest ever gets commemorated in song, or on an urn or something (do they still do that?), he hopes they include the way he just neutralized the Thrill Ride O’ Love situation by bringing up the orthodontist. Because that was a tactic. Everything is totally not-weird now. Here in this dark tunnel. With Annabeth.

Percy puts his hands on his knees like it’s school picture day and squeezes.

She doesn’t reply to his orthodontist anecdote, and he doesn’t have a follow-up comment. If he opened his mouth right now, he’d probably say something else about the song that’s playing (blasting, honestly—is this torture? Is this a heroic trial? Percy’s trying to remember whether any of Hercules’s labours had this sorta unhinged Valentine’s vibe), and he’d probably borrow words from his mom’s vocabulary when she’s listening to old music on the radio—words like “funky” and “groovy.” Annabeth’s never even seen a movie and she’d probably look at him like he’s the one who’s out of touch. He can’t risk it. Words are overrated anyway, right?

That’s probably why the guy singing keeps using the same ones over and over.

Percy wonders if this is a record for the most times Annabeth’s heard the same question without answering it. Could the singer calm down with the “What is love?” already? Instinctively, Percy starts tapping his foot to the rhythm, but then he realizes Annabeth can probably feel his shoe striking the bottom of the boat and glances at her nervously. Yep, she’s giving him a look.

Laughing self-consciously, he observes, “Sounds like he’s trying to control a bunch of horses.” Annabeth frowns. Percy points vaguely upwards (because this tunnel is creepy and grungy, but no visible speakers? Alexa?) and hears himself singing along in explanation: “Whoa whoa whoa whoa-o-ah…”

Her frown deepens and he cuts himself off with an awkward cough, looking away into the water, his only ally here who won’t judge him for being so embarrassing.

Ok, maybe this guy does have to constantly ask himself “What is love?” because what else is he gonna do, talk about his feelings to another person? Percy’s getting the theme of this theme park now, not so much the devastating rejection part, but definitely how uncomfortable it is to have a crush on somebody. Man, if he liked somebody like that, maybe he’d go build a haunted amusement park about it too. Luckily, he’s—

He’s somehow staring straight at Annabeth.

Swirls of coloured light are reflecting up off the water that’s lapping the sides of their boat, making her glow purple and blue. Percy doesn’t have to be a son of Athena to know Annabeth’s pretty, but it’s never been, like, relevant. She’s super smart and careful and focused and good at planning. Percy was never gonna point out that she had this talent for prettiness unless they were in a situation where somebody needed to have really sparkly brown eyes or a face he’s kinda itching to cup in his (suddenly sweaty) palms, at which point he could save the day and be all, “Hey, Annabeth, you’re pretty! Why don’t you take this one!” And they wouldn’t think he liked her, just that he was resourceful.

But here she is, being pretty when the only crisis is that his heart’s beating a little too quick and he can’t scootch away from her without threatening to capsize the boat. Backup plan: look at his hands.

He’s making it weird, and it’s not, it’s not weird. Two people in an abandoned amusement park isn’t weird. It’s brave, and adventurous, and just because the song just said “love” for the millionth time doesn’t make it romantic! You can love lots of stuff. Hephaestus probably loved building this ride. Percy loves his mom. Loved his mom. Loves his mom. He’s curious what the word makes Annabeth think of, his gaze drifting sideways.

She’s looking at him. Percy’s eyes widen. Panic mode.

“Do you think Ares is really gonna eat all those burgers?” he blurts out.

“What?”

“At the diner.”

“Well,” Annabeth says thoughtfully, “why else would he order that many?”

“Intimidation.”

Her eyebrows raise.

“Ares is already the god of war.”

“And what’s a meal like that other than a war between a man’s mind and his stomach?” Percy reasons, feeling deep. If they survive this quest and Chiron’s looking for a Camp Philosopher, Percy could do that job. He has insights now. Would he have to wear a toga though? He’s seen that “Death of Socrates” painting at the MET, and those guys were going full bedsheet.

“But why would he bother?” Annabeth wants to know. “I think he’d be expecting us to be intimidated by him anyway.”

“Maybe he’s secretly insecure.”

“Maybe he’s just hungry.”

“Do you think everybody else could see how many burgers he had,” he ponders, narrowing his eyes, “or were they hidden by the Mist?”

“The Hamburger Mist? They were normal burgers, Percy.”

“Then explain why no one seemed surprised!” he demands. “Or impressed!”

“The thought of someone eating a stack of burgers that high doesn’t impress me.” Annabeth’s face scrunches in disgust. “Just makes me a little nauseous.”

“That could be seasickness from the boat.” And because another of his strategies is “speak now, think later,” after a second, Percy asks, “What would impress you?”

Her expression shifts into something like determination but softer. Yeah, with a little bit of a smile.

“Somebody who’d take on the Chimera alone so their friends could get to safety. That’d be pretty cool.”

That’s my story, Percy almost says, but he follows Annabeth’s gaze up the wall to watch Hephaestus’s play out instead.

[kradogsrats]

hihihi its dolls house anon again and i am obsessed with chess the musical in a deeply unhealthy way and see a lot of commonalities between it and tdp, and i’ve always envisioned viren and harrows early relationship to be very similar to florence and freddy’s, what with the codependency, and insults and sexual tension of it all

HA HA YES OMG they're both so much about people being traumatized and messy and look idek I just love it, I took my in-laws to see it the other night bc it was in their city and I was SO VALIDATED when my MIL (former English professor) was like "whoa that was actually really good, I don't know why it isn't more well-known" because it always sounds so completely insane when you try to describe it to someone

like "well it's a rock opera with music by half of ABBA, set during a chess tournament (based extremely loosely on Fischer vs. Spassky) as a proxy for late Cold War political conflict, but I cannot emphasize enough how much it is actually somehow NOT about either chess or politics also there's one uncomfortable song that leans on stereotypes regarding sex tourism in Thailand that no one's ever willing to cut because it was the concept album's big radio hit"

and holy shit YES I was so wrapped up in my Lissa feelings that I didn't even think of that but you're so right, like "Why this humiliation?/Why treat me like a fool?/I've taken shit for seven years and I won't take it anymore" ha ha ow and I just thought about "Nobody's Side" and hurt myself

but yeah maybe since the Freddie at this performance was kind of meh and the Svetlana was REALLY good I was just in full Viren/Lissa feelings mode, like "Someone Else's Story" has never been my fav but somehow this just hit me like a truck:

Sadly she realized She'd left him behind And sadder than that She knew he wouldn't even mind And though there's nothing left to say Would he listen if I stay?

like idek man all of the "love" songs are essentially about love's fleetingness rather than its permanence which is just *clenches fist* so "You And I" also hit me hard like:

This is an all too familiar scene Life imperceptibly coming between Those whose love is as strong as it could or should be. Nothing has altered Yet everything's changed. No one stands still Still I love you completely and hope I always will.

...just fucking kill me, okay

ANYWAY YEAH THIS IS ANOTHER THING I'M COMPLETELY NORMAL ABOUT like I'm certainly not ready at literally any moment to drop a full TED talk about "What Is Wrong(tm) With Anatoly" and/or "Detailed Comparisons Between the Original British Stage Version and the New 2018 Book for Tim Rice's Anticipated Revival" or anything ha ha haaaaaa

[jikookuntold]

What happened to Jikook in May 2015?

“How Jikook Started?” “Jikook and significance of May” “Jungkook and his Song Recommendations” were all the titles I thought about for this post and I ended up with the one you see. But what made me write this? A few days ago I came across an old tweet of JK from May 2015. This tweet was a song recommendation which I hadn’t notice before because I was only focused on 123 theory and as we all know this theory starts from October 2015 and I thought maybe we should pay more attention to the other songs JK recommended either. So I decided to go deeper and when I checked the tweets from May to August 2015 some interesting theories came to my mind.

Jikookers believe Jikook’s relationship changed in INU era and for proof of this theory they discuss some moments (long stares, exchanging jackets, etc.) but I’ve never seen them paying attention to the songs JK recommended in this era. It’s obvious that not all the songs he listens, likes or recommends are about romantic aspects of his life. On the other hand, musicians listen to any kind of song and this helps them for their career so not everything has to have a secret message or meaning, but no one can ignore the fact that when you feel connected to some lyrics and it captures your emotions you tend to share it with others so they can understand your feelings. This is more relatable for introverted people, an introverted person with artistic features uses different forms of art to express their feelings and JK is one of them.

JK’s song recommendation tweets started at the end of 2014 with “Lee Yerin -Your Universe” on December 24th and continued with “Misty Miller - Best Friend” on February 22th, and two songs on March 9th“King Krule - Baby Blue” and “Years & Years – Memo”. This declaration was necessary for this post but I’m not going to analyze these songs here. These songs are very significant (especially the last one from an openly gay artist with very expressing lyrics) and they need their own post.

After “Years & Years – Memo” JK didn’t recommend any song until May 24th. It’s interesting how there is a pattern for dates of his song recommendation tweets, it’s like he spams Twitter for a week and then deletes the app for months. Even his tweets in general, follow this pattern and most introverts can relate because sometimes we feel like expressing ourselves on social media, and some days we avoid it at any cost.

So, what happened in May 2015? Why Jikookers think this period is significant in Jikook history? Jikook had some obvious moments in INU era, JK seemed to be enchanted by Jimin and Jimin had became quieter and more preserved but still captivated by cute maknae. The most notable moment from this era happened on May 5th at Sukira Radio Interview where the MC asked about Jimin’s love for JK and Jimin answered: “There is something about him I don’t like but he is cute”. JK’s reaction to this answer is remarkable especially when Tae almost exposed them by saying “I think he kinda likes men” about Jimin and Jimin didn’t deny it.

A week later, on May 13th BTS went to Kota Kinabalu to film the Summer Package and Jikook filmed a log together before coming back to Korea. A few weeks later on June 5th when they were in Malaysia for Red Bullet Concert, they asked JK in an interview to describe Jimin "Jimin hyung is such a nice guy. His personality is just too nice. And he keeps giving me nice food. And when he smiles, his eyes are so pretty. He's the most charming guy on the team. If I were a girl I would date a guy like Jimin hyung." He answered. Fun Fact: They didn’t ask him who he wanted to date if he were a girl, but yet JK managed to state this anyway. They had asked this question from the members since their debut but JK never had chosen any member for someone who wants to date, and this moment was a turning point in JK’s attitude especially toward Jimin, even Jimin himself was shocked by JK’s answer. This fact directs us to the main question: What did happen in May 2015?

How was JK feeling at this point? Did something change in him? We can’t give a precise answer because we don’t know his emotions unless he shares them with us. As I said earlier, sharing music is a good way to express emotions. With recommending a song you can share your feelings without being too obvious (and get away with it because they are not your words, duh?) JK didn’t recommend any song after March 9th for two and a half months and finally, on May 24th he felt to share music and became active again. But three days before this date, Jimin had shared a song, surprisingly.

We know it’s not very common for Jimin to recommend a song especially in the style Namjoon and JK do, but on May 21st he recommended a newly released song named Pretty Bae by Lee Hyun and Park Bo Ram, here are the lyrics translations:

They say I’m pretty these days that I’m like a woman

They ask me, do you even have any flaws?

They say I look good these days, my friends tell me

Is there anyone out there like me?

I walk on this street while humming

I feel good today for some reason

I wanna date someone pretty

A person with a pretty heart rather than a pretty face

I wanna date someone nice

A person with a warm heart rather than a good body

Had a cup of coffee on the weekend, watched a movie I wanted to see

It’s all good but what’s missing?

A person to laugh at my boring stories

Where is that person?

I walk on this street while humming

I feel good today for some reason

I wanna date someone pretty

A person with a pretty heart rather than a pretty face

I wanna date someone nice

A person with a warm heart rather than a good body

He’s not handsome but nice-looking

She has no makeup but she shines

Is he looking at me?

What if she catches me? I pretend not to see

It feels good, should I go to her/him

And carefully start a conversation?

I wanna date someone pretty

A person with a pretty heart rather than a pretty face

I wanna date someone nice

A person with a warm heart rather than a good body

I wanna have a pretty love

A person with a pretty heart rather than a pretty face

I wanna date someone nice

A pretty person, a nice person, I hope it’s you

As you see, the lyrics are about someone who is feeling pretty and wants to date a person with a good and warm heart but he/she secretly wants it to be him/her crush. Jimin’s timestamp is on the last part of the lyrics saying “A pretty person, a nice person, I hope it’s you”. And three days later JK posts a screenshot of a song from Kehlani (an openly pansexual artist) named “You should be here”. Here are the lyrics:

I'm looking right at you, but you're not there

I'm seeing right past you, but you seem well aware

Your body is here but your mind is somewhere else

So far gone and you think I can't tell

Can't tell that you are disconnected

You pulled away and I miss your presence

I always said to you

Baby, you should be here, right here

Baby, you should be here, right here

Don’t know where you went but you're lost now

Don’t know where you went but you're gone now

Don’t know where you went but you're lost now

Don’t know where you went but you're gone now

Head on your chest babe, but your heart is so quiet

We used to talk all night long, now we laying in silence

Your arms around me but your soul is somewhere else

Gone so long and I know you so well

I know that you are everything that I ever dreamed of

And hoped that love had a happy ending

Baby, you should be here, right here (yeah-yeah)

Baby, you should be here, right here (you should be here, right here, right here)

Don't know where you went but you're lost now

Don't know where you went but you're gone now

Don't know where you went but you're lost now (oh-whoa)

Don't know where you went but you're gone now

You should be here, right, right here yeah

The lyrics are talking about someone who the artist cares about and it feels like that person is physically present but his/her mind is somewhere else. He/she wants that person close, not just physically but also mentally and emotionally. A few hours later, JK recommends another song, this time a famous song (any Shrek lover know this by heart) I need some sleep by Eels: Here are the lyrics:

You can't go home like this

I try counting sheep

But there's one I always miss

Everyone says I'm getting down to low

Everyone says you just gotta let it go

You just gotta let it go

You just gotta let it go

I need some sleep

Time to put the old horse down

I'm in too deep

And the wheels keep spinning round

Everyone says I'm getting down to low

Everyone says you just gotta let it go

You just gotta let it go

You just gotta let it go

You just gotta let it go

You just gotta let it go

You just gotta let it go

*Fun fact: This song was on Jimin’s playlist in 2017.

This song is about mental and emotional frustration and exhaustion, being deep into something, and seeking redemption. We can’t tell if JK is expressing this about himself or someone else since his timestamp is on the part saying “You can't go home like this”. But the song JK recommended the next day (May 25th) is another story and has a straightforward message. “Can’t help falling in love” is a hit song by Elvis but the track JK post is a cover of this song by Eels:

Wise men say only fools rush in

But I can't help falling in love with you

Shall I stay? Would it be a sin?

If I can't help falling in love with you?

Like a river flows, surely to the sea

Darling, so it goes. Some things are meant to be

Take my hand, take my whole life, too

For I can't help falling in love with you

Like a river flows surely to the sea

Darling, so it goes. Some things are meant to be

Take my hand, take my whole life, too

For I can't help falling in love with you

For I can't help falling in love with you

The lyrics don’t need any explanation. His timestamp is on the part saying “If I can't help falling in love with you?” this part comes after the part “Would it be a sin” and makes it more remarkable. It’s obvious that there was something big going on with his emotions at this point and when you put these four songs together (one from Jimin and three from JK) you can see the roller coaster of feelings very clear. But the next day (May 26th) something interesting happened which relays my theory. Namjoon recommended a song named Pray from Younha and this was the thing he wrote in the caption of his tweet: “For all the broken-hearted” Sure this can be to anyone but two weeks later on Jun 10th JK recommended the same song without any caption. Here are the lyrics:  

When you are lost

I will shine a light

When your heart shakes because of the wind

I will hold your hand

I am praying for you

Praying that you will be protected

So that my hopes can reach you

The closed door is slowly opening

I hope you won’t cry over your scars

Or get trapped in despair with pain

With all my heart, I hope you will be comforted

Today, I’m praying again

I am praying for you

Praying that you will be protected

The world has become harsh seas

For you, who has left for the voyage?

I hope you won’t cry over your scars

Or get trapped in despair with pain

With all my heart, I hope you will be comforted

Today, I’m praying again

When Namjoon literally recommended this song two weeks before, why JK had to do this again? Unless he had something to express through lyrics. As you see the lyrics are about pain, despair and getting emotional scars or as Namjoon captioned “something for broken-hearted people”. Two days later JK posted a video of himself walking and singing in the night, the song he was humming was from Yoon Jong Shin and here are the lyrics:

On January 13, which was especially cold, I first met her, who laughed a lot

She said she never spent a birthday with a boyfriend before

She liked shoes and bags and that was so cute

She said I looked sad from behind as she took a picture and smiled

On the sunny first day of April, I made her cry for the first time

After seeing her pretty eyes get puffy, I cried too

Every time we fought, we always used the word “break up”

We wouldn’t talk to each other for days, having a tense battle

Would she know that my heart raced every time I went to pick her up?

I have never met anyone who was better than her in my life

On June 17, she was struggling and broke up with me

In the end, I gave her a scar, although I didn’t mean to

A month passed, a year passed and still, there are times when I miss her

Whenever I pass by that street in Ichon-dong, it’s still clear like it was yesterday

The park at night, the hamburger store, the rice bowl store in the basement

There is so much emotion in this lyrics and you have to be really in love and broken-hearted to hum this song in the dark let alone filming and posting the video. After that JK didn’t recommend any song for two weeks and he came back on June 27th with another straightforward message. A song named Love Me Again by G.Soul and here are the lyrics translation:

It’s already been a few years

And we’re standing in front of each other like this

As if nothing happened

Just like the old days

As I look at you

Who is calling me a good friend?

I tried to hold it in

But I need to tell you something

I know I hurt you but

Could u love me again?

Without knowing, I’m in love with you again

So could u love me again?

I didn’t know love back then

Baby love me again

Baby please please please

Need u love me again?

It’s already 3am

We’re both getting a little drunk

As if it’s nothing, you talk about your new boyfriend

As I look at you

Who is calling me a good friend?

I can’t hold it in

And I have to tell you something

I know I hurt you but

Could u love me again?

Without knowing, I’m in love with you again

So could u love me again?

I didn’t know love back then

Baby love me again

Baby please please, please

Need u love me again?

Oh please believe me girl

This time, I’ll really

Love u harder

Oh baby one more time

Love me again

I know I hurt you but

Could u love me again?

Without knowing, I’m in love with you again

So could u love me again?

I didn’t know love back then

Baby love me again

Baby please please, please

Need u love me again?

Oh baby just please please, please

Could u love me again?

Again, love me again, again

Oh girl I need you to

Love me baby

Love me again

He wants that person to give him another chance and love him again. He confesses that he has hurt that person because he didn’t know love back then and doesn’t want to be “the good friend” that person sees him now. He wants that person’s love.  JK didn’t recommend any song after this for another two weeks and came back on July 10th with a song RapmonHyung has recommended to him: Tears by Le So Ra

Me in the mirror inside the cramped dark room…

The dismal face is quite ugly

Foolish like this, I’m left behind

But I still long for you.

Miserably left behind like this,

I just make unwelcome calls

It’s okay if you get mad at me

It’s okay if you make me cry

Just turn all your attention back to me

It’s okay, just say anything

It’s okay if you mock me

I’m like this only with you, oh my own.

Like a speck of dust in this cave-like room

I’m foolish and I’m left alone

I miss you again today before you miss me

I’m miserably left alone like this

And again I call you before you call me

It’s okay if you get mad at me

It’s okay if you make me cry

Just turn all your attention back to me

It’s okay, just say anything

It’s okay if you mock me

I’m like this only with you, oh my own.

In the mirror, I look so ugly

This song is about being left alone and rejected. His loved one is mad at him and doesn’t give the love and the attention he/she used to give before. Four days later he recommended another song named Romance by CHEEZE and here are the lyrics:

With a red balloon full of

Your deep flowery scent

You surround me in your

Lifeless hollow smile

All our warm memories together

Can’t melt my heart

That has been frozen over

By that cold stare of yours

Walking through the night, side by side

The faint silhouette of your back

Still haunt me as my sweetest nightmare

Like the strings of a puppeteer

Losing sleep over the cold half of the bed

As your wandering image gently crushes me down

Walking through the night, side by side

The faint silhouette of your back

Still haunt me as my sweetest nightmare

Like the strings of a puppeteer

Walking through the night, side by side

The faint silhouette of your back

Still haunt me as my sweetest nightmare

Like the strings of a puppeteer

This is another song about someone who used to be warm and loving but now has a cold stare with no emotion. In my theories, this emotional conflict started in May and ended in August. Why August and how it ended? In August 18th Japan fan-meeting Jimin fainted and apparently this had a big impact on Jikook’s relationship. The day after, when Jimin came back on the stage JK did a beautiful interaction with him. Two days later JK did a live stream and sang a song named I will give it all to you. Three days later Namjoon posted screenshot of this song with the caption “Jeon Jungkook OST”. Here are the lyrics:

I have something for you

I have something to say tonight

I will give it all to you

My love that's about to burst

There's nothing I can't do for you

After picking the stars, I'll fill your hands

I have something for you

I have something to give you tonight

There's nothing I can't do for you

After picking the stars, I'll fill your hands

I will give it all to you

My love that is about to explode

The lyrics are talking of a beautiful love about to burst and the lover is ready to sacrifice and do anything for him/her love even if it’s bringing the stars in the sky and hand it to his/her lover. 12 hours later Jimin tweeted something suspicious: “The stars in the sky (musical note emoji) (surprised emoji)”. This tweet has no media and the caption has no hashtag except Jimin. It seems like someone had brought the stars in the sky for Jimin and it has something to do with music either. I wonder who it would be…

Conclusion

I tried so hard to not express my theories and leave the conclusion to you but some facts are undeniable especially when you put them together with the events and moments that happened in that period. I (rightfully) believe that the chronology of the events is extremely important and it can tell you more than just a surface without reading too much of it. If you don’t like theories or you have your own theories just don’t read this part because I don’t want to change anyone’s mind:

We all know about Jimin’s affection for JK in their debut years. I don’t think that was something fake or exaggerated, he really adored JK and wanted his attention (maybe he was aware of their mutual crush, I don’t know) but he could never imagine this turning into something serious. But it did and JK was the one who noticed this first and took action but he got rejected and became broken-hearted. This rejection was the result of fear, fear of an unknown future. Jimin’s love for JK was still strong but he had to reject JK to stop things from getting worse and out of hand. But in JK’s eyes, everything was different. He wanted him back, he was missing Jimin’s affection because he had found out that he is in love, the thing he didn’t know beforehand (I think memory of the rainy day has happened at this era, or maybe I’m wrong) After weeks of emotional conflict, finally they were at the same page and they were ready to make their relationship work. JK assured Jimin about his love and it seemed like a happily ever after but little did they know about their future and fate.

[bruhlsbees]

Blurb idea! Okay so I wear alot of goth and punk clothing and I just love the idea of opposites attract pairings so like maybe a goth/punk/alternative reader with Alex? Like they meet at the bar on open mic night while she's preforming and he's like whoa she's so cool! But so out of my league💀 and he thinks he'll never get a chance and all of a sudden the reader comes up and is like hey you're cute wanna hang? And he is baffled lol

opposites attract || alex kerner x fem!alternative!reader

gif credit to @/lovecafes

summary: while singing at an open mic night in the bar, you catch the attention of someone least expected

pairing: alex kerner x fem!alternative!reader

word count: 2,313

warnings: drinking (alex and reader), alex being incredibly awkward, reader loving it and teasing him

a/n: hope you like this one!!! i thought this was an incredibly sweet idea - i imagine reader is singing something from the cranberries, like zombie or linger - this is also set a couple years after the events of goodbye, lenin! - i'd say in mid 90s

The last act had just left the stage when the host jumped on the stage, grinning out at the audience who continued to hoot and holler. It was open mic night down at the local bar, The Sour Apple, and for a last minute event, a lot of people turned out. The Sour Apple wasn’t your usual hangout. Typically you were in the basement smoking pot with the rest of your friends, or performing in backyards with your band - but you wanted a new change of scenery that night, and you thought - hell, an open mic might be fun.

You had invited a few of your friends and bandmates, hoping that maybe you’d be able to perform some of your new songs to test the crowd and see if they were feeling it or not. Only a couple of your friends showed, but the whole band came out and you were pleased. It took quite a bit of convincing, especially for your drummer, Reed, to tag along since apparently he had a bad history with The Sour Apple.

Not only that, but you all stook out like a sore thumb. Leather, studded belts, platform boots, multicolored teased hair, heavy makeup - you weren’t fazed by the stares you received when you walked in, all typical reactions when you went into a new place. Maybe that’s why you stuck to the typical spots, to avoid the judgement. It wasn’t like you cared, but it did get tiring after so long - feeling the stares on the back of your head while you just tried to enjoy life.

“Okay everyone, last call for anyone who wants to get up and participate in open mic!” The bar fell silent into hushed whispers, looking around to see if anyone else wanted to get up on stage. “Any takers? Come on now, don’t be shy!”

Turning towards the rest of your bandmates that were seated along the bar, you grinned their way before the bassist, Lee, shot up - beer spilling from the cup as you gained the host’s attention.

“Right here! We’ll come up!” He exclaimed, stepping off the barstool he was propped on and onto the main bar floor, turning and holding up his hand towards the bartender, “Five shots of jäger my good man!”

While the bartender poured out five shots, the rest of the band groaned, wishing that Lee hadn’t been the one to pick the shot. He was the only one to like the taste of the thick licorice. You only wished it was something more easy, like fireball or hell - Jack Daniel’s would suffice. But you braved the shot, clinking glasses with the rest of them before dumping your head back and letting the warm shot run down your throat.

You held in your gag as you sat the glass down, being pulled now by the guitarist, Winny, through the crowd and up onto the stage. As the singer, you took center stage, the spotlight blinding you as you held your hand up to block the light while you adjusted the mic stand, the rest of your band getting set up behind you.

“Hey everyone! We’re the Toxic Cats and we’ll be singing-” You stopped short, what were you going to sing? Turning around, you glanced towards Lee who shrugged before the other side at Winny who came up to the mic.

“You all know the Cranberries! How about their new song that just came out! You all liked that?” When the crowd erupted in cheers, you smiled weakly, looking at Winny who winked your way, “Looks like we got our song. Go kill 'em, Tiger.”

⋆ ⋆ ⋆

“You gonna sing tonight, Alex?” Denis teased from his spot at the bar, downing the rest of his pint while he glanced over at Alex who was facing the stage, shaking his head. “I heard you got a real pretty voice.”

“Well whoever told you that is lying. Don’t think anyone wants to hear me sing. Sound like a rat stuck in a trap.” He explained, lifting his own pint up to take a drink from. He sighed and leaned back against the bar, blinking slowly as he watched the last act get off the stage before the host jumped on. Shaking his head, Alex exhaled slowly, turning back to face the bar.

As he turned, he caught the laughs that came from the other end of the bar. The group of alternative folks catching his attention. He didn’t mean to stare, but they were just so...different. They weren’t the typical crowd that hung around The Sour Apple, and it surely didn’t go unnoticed.

“Weird folk they are,” Turning, Alex furrowed his eyebrows at Denis who was drinking a new pint now, glancing at Alex, “They’re in a band...not a big fan of their music, but they’re pretty popular I’d say. I’ve seen a couple of their shows. Always doing something with fire or chanting in another language. Gives me the heeby jeebies.”

“I think you’re drunk, Denis.” Alex noted, rolling his eyes as Denis waved him off, insisting that he wasn’t while sloppily sipping from his pint. His attention fell back towards the end of the bar, towards the band as they now took shots before heading up onto the stage.

Through the crowd, Alex only noticed the red hair on you. It reminded him of a Coca Cola can - maybe that wasn’t the best comparison, but it’s what he thought! His posture returned to his original spot, leaning against the bar while facing the stage where you now stood center stage at. While your teased dyed red hair stood out the most, he also noticed your outfit, which surprisingly impressed him.

Starting at your feet, he noticed the high platform boots - you were probably taller than him in them. Alex also noticed the ripped tights, wondering if they came that way or if you did that yourself, under the black skirt that was tattered. You were wearing a band tee of some sorts, not recognizing the band. He had seen alternative girls before, but never once did he look at them the way he looked at you. You were pretty and Alex was awed by your mystery.

When you finally began to sing though, the familiar tune of the Cranberries, Zombie, harmonizing through the bar, his lips turned into a smile, straightening up to really be intune with the song. He had heard it a thousand times, but your cover, hearing it from you - it was more haunting and beautiful than anytime he heard it on the radio.

Alex felt hypnotized to your voice, leaning forward with his mouth gaped open as he listened, gaze remained fixed on you as you swayed on the mic or leaned against one of the other band members. He hadn’t even realized it was over until Denis shoved him, his attention snapping towards him.

“Jesus man, you’re drooling!”

His cheeks went hot, face red as Alex reached his hand up to his mouth, wiping away the drool with the back of his hand before turning back towards the bar, doing his best to ignore Denis who was laughing and in a drunk fit.

“Oh man, you got the hots for her don’t you? The singer! Man, I don’t think I would have ever taken you as the type,” Denis watched as the band made their way back towards their spot at the bar, high-fiving those in the crowd as they passed by them. When you were settled back in your seat, Denis stood up and grabbed the back of Alex’s jacket, pulling him up and with him towards the end of the bar, “Come on, go introduce yourself!”

Before Alex could protest, Denis shoved him towards you, stumbling forward and knocking into you. You turned around, ready to yell at whoever had knocked into you and made you spill your beer before your gaze softened, seeing Alex cowering.

“I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to-”

“Hey, it’s fine...relax,” You let out a weak laugh and turned towards him, placing your now empty pint on the counter, “I’m a little disappointed though, someone just bought me that. I didn’t even get the chance to drink it.”

Alex smiled back at you, staring at you for a little too long before he knocked himself out of his trance, turning towards the bartender and holding up his hand.

“Two pints please!”

It didn’t take long for the bartender to fill up two new pints for the both of you. Scooting them forward while Alex picked up his, you picking up your own. You clinked your glass against his before taking a drink, setting your glass back down with a sigh.

“I don’t think I caught your name,” You introduced yourself and leaned forward, your right index finger swirling around the rim of the glass, “I’d like to thank the cutie who bought me my drink.” You sent a wink his way and grinned, seeing him look down briefly as his cheeks went pink.

“Alex, I’m Alex!” He introduced, sitting down finally on the barstool beside you. When you called him a cutie, his chest tightened, feeling flustered as he tried to think of what to say next.

“My favorite color is red!” He blurted, “How do you get your hair so big?”

Alex cringed at his question, closing his eyes and mentally slapping himself in the face. He was sure at that point he had lost all chance of impressing you, and he hadn’t even been talking with you for more than two minutes. But when you laughed and didn’t throw your drink in his face, he opened his eyes and smiled weakly.

“Lots of hairspray and teasing. Unfortunately I’m not the most eco-friendly with this hairstyle. Mother Earth is probably taking her revenge with all my split ends.” He let out a laugh at your joke, glancing at the guitarist of the band who turned in her stool, leaning forward.

“Or maybe it’s because you’ve just fried your hair. I’m telling you, you should just let it go natural.” You waved off Winny and nudged her back, your attention keeping fixed on Alex.

“So, Alex, did you just want to come over and ask me about my hair?” You took another drink from your pint, your gaze fixed on him as you watched him get flustered again, trying to think of the words to say. “You know, guys like you don’t usually go for girls like me. Did your buddy set you up for this?”

It had happened plenty of times. Pretty boys always got a kick out of embarrassing the alternative girl. You wouldn’t be hurt if this was what was going on, but you would be pissed to have your time be wasted. To your surprise though, Alex seemed to be different.

“No! I mean, well he pushed me over here, but not like that,” He rushed, leaning forward slightly in his stool, as if ready to catch you if you tried to turn away. “Your singing, I’ve never heard you guys before. You sound great! God, part of me was thinking that you sounded better than the Cranberries-”

“Better than the Cranberries? Now you’re just pulling my tail,” It was your turn to blush, cheeks red as you waved him off while he continued to praise you, his hand falling to your knee. You looked down briefly at his hand, smiling before back up at him, “Well, maybe you should come see one of our shows? I’ll get you a front row seat on the best couch in the basement.”

The best couch in the basement. Why did he have a feeling that this wasn’t something he had experienced before. He watched as you pulled a napkin from the bar, digging into your coat pocket before pulling out a pen, scribbing your number down before handing it over to him.

“Here’s the house number. If you call just ask for me, I’m usually around.” You looked up at him and smiled, opening your mouth to say another thing before hearing your bandmates call you for you behind, insisting that it was time to go. Frowning, you grabbed your coat and stood up, towering over him in your platform boots.

Your gaze kept on Alex who stared at the napkin, his smile stained on his face as he ran his thumb across the number. He looked cute, innocent, pure. All things you weren’t used to. When you heard Reed calling for you name, you nodded and waved them off before resting your free hand on Alex’s shoulder, leaning down to kiss him on the cheek.

“I’ll see you soon, yeah?”

But before he could answer, you were already turned and heading out of the bar, catching up to the rest of your bandmates who were climbing into the taxi to head back home. Standing up, Alex held the napkin in his hand, staring at the dark doorway that led outside of the bar. Of course he was happy, but damn - did you have to leave so quick?

Turning, Alex tucked the napkin neatly into his own jacket, making sure it was secured before making his way back to Denis, sitting back in his original spot. When Alex settled back in, he turned and looked at Denis who was laughing.

“What’s so funny?”

Without saying a word, Denis motioned towards his own cheek, signaling for Alex to check his face. He reached his hand up and swiped at his cheek, noticing that your black lipstick had made it’s way onto his skin. He smiled to himself, feeling giddy inside before cleaning the rest off.

“So I take it went well?” Denis asked, leaning closer towards Alex. Smiling, Alex nodded and took a final sip from his pint.

“It went great, now come on, let’s get you home.”

[shefanispeculator]

I'm slightly disappointed to log onto Zoom and find Gwen Stefani in Los Angeles. I wanted to see the ranch. Stefani spent most of the pandemic in Oklahoma with her fiancé and fellow The Voice coach Blake Shelton, with whom she has recently collaborated on a string of country radio hits, alongside a kitsch Christmas song. For a ska-pop superstar, it's a pivot, but Stefani and Shelton are cute together — picture-perfect in their opposite attraction.

Country Gwen exists, her urban counterpart assures me, but on this particular MacBook she's nowhere to be seen. I'm not sure what crude regional stereotypes I was expecting (Stefani spitting sunflower seeds? Shelton line dancing in the background?) but I get Californian sunshine instead, illuminating a version of Stefani more familiar from my teenage years, when Love. Angel. Music. Baby and its follow-up The Sweet Escape spawned millions of fans, haters and imitators. She's platinum blonde, red lipsticked and wearing a black-and-white outfit that matches the decor. The checkerboard pattern can be traced back to an even earlier era, when Stefani and her No Doubt bandmates were '80s teenagers obsessed with two-tone acts like Madness and The Specials.

Cowboy boots wouldn't fit this picture, and nor would Stefani's glitzy showgirl outfits from The Voice, where she just wrapped another season as a celebrity coach. As she prepares to release her fourth solo record, and enters the fifth decade of an extraordinarily successful music career, Gwen Stefani is re-re-branding as... Gwen Stefani.

Top: Local Boogeyman, Pants: GCDS, Shoes: Valentino, Earrings, bracelets and rings: Dena Kemp (The Residency Experience), Necklaces: Gwen's own, Engagement ring: Gwen's own

"But what is that?" Stefani asks with seriousness, as we consider the possibility of some essential, inherent Gwen. "Everyone's interpretation of what I am and how I sing, I mean, that's what this era is about for me."

Said era kicked off late last year, with the music video for "Let Me Reintroduce Myself." It saw Stefani playfully revisit the wardrobes of album cycles past, from the ab-bearing tomboy tank tops of "Hollaback Girl" to the club kid blue hair mascara of '90s No Doubt. Her Harajuku Girls also make a return. The entire visual is a huge flex, not only for the sheer volume of iconic career moments recreated in dutiful detail, but the fact Stefani can still fit into the clothes originally worn during all of them. She looks eerily the same, frighteningly good, ageing in reverse at the same pace as her frequent collaborator Pharrell.

"It's really a blessing to be able to have such a long career, where there really is nothing to prove anymore."

Pop stars are expected to be young forever, in looks but also in their capacity to innovate new trends. Which makes the nostalgic music video a curious choice. Doesn't Stefani know by now that the cardinal rule of pop is to avoid repeating yourself? That even the hottest artists in the world are basically required by law to create completely new eras from scratch every six months in order to appease fans and maintain maximum TikTok-ready relevance?

Of course she does, but that doesn't mean she has to participate. Stefani isn't trying to chase down her contemporaries, despite clearly possessing the physical fitness required. "It's really a blessing to be able to have such a long career, where there really is nothing to prove anymore," she says. "It's a different energy. You know, it's really just about doing it to do it, as opposed to trying to make a statement or make a mark."

Corset: Ronald van der Kemp, Bracelets: Dena Kemp (The Residency Experience), Earrings: Lana Jewelry (The Residency Experience), Engagement ring: Gwen's own

Even the Saweetie remix of her latest single "Slow Clap" happened on a whim, after the younger artist happened to post a video of herself vibing to Stefani's 2004 single "Luxurious" on Instagram Stories. They knocked out the song and accompanying video in a day. Neither seems bothered by the Old Navy meme. "It was just this little video that we did on the fly," Stefani says. "It just happened. It just feels good to put new stuff out there."

Stefani completed a two-year Vegas greatest hits residency in 2019, which gave her a sense of perspective on her own legacy. "You make a new record because that's what is exciting for you," she says. "But people really just want to hear the records after a while that were the backdrop to their lives, a 'Don't Speak' or a 'Just a Girl' or a 'Hollaback Girl,' or whatever it was for them. So, you know, it's hard — you can only be new when you're new, and that's just the truth, and I know that."

She says she was pleasantly surprised that "Let Me Reintroduce Myself" charted at all, and that she only found out it did when Shelton walked into the kitchen to show her the iTunes numbers. "I burst out crying with joy, because it was like, 'Whoa, really?' I think I'd set myself up to be quite realistic about where I'm at."

Stefani, endlessly polite and self-deprecating in conversation, which on her end mostly consists of endearingly earnest run-on monologues, says she still has "tons" of insecurities. I get the impression she has been trying harder to give herself credit lately. She recalls recently hearing Cyndi Lauper's "Girls Just Want to Have Fun" on the car radio and finding herself in awe of the song's timeless catchiness.

Suit: Balmain, Earrings and choker: Lana Jewelry (The Residency Experience), Necklaces: Gwen's own

"But then I started thinking," she says, in a goofy Cher Horowitz tone. "Like, I have a few of those myself." She talks of this realization as a genuine breakthrough, which is a little worrying for a woman who has sold 40 million records. No shit, she has a "few of those." More of them than Lauper, actually.

More new music is coming along slowly, but I've caught Stefani on a day when the horizon looks closer than usual, and while things haven't quite fallen into place yet, she's feeling more confident that they eventually will. "I'm at the end," she declares. "The idea of going for a session and not being with my kids or the idea of taking time away from Blake doesn't fuel my fire like it did two months ago. I need to decide, wrap it up, put out the project."

Crucially, there's no rush. The album will simply arrive sometime this year, tracklist and title currently undecided.

"You're talking to me at a weird transitional time," Stefani says repeatedly throughout our conversation, which sometimes takes on the cathartic tone of therapy. But having time in the first place is a new feeling.

Bracelet and choker: Dana Kemp (The Residency Experience), Obsession necklace: Lidow Archive, Gold necklaces: Gwen's own, Clothing: Blumarine, Boots: Philipp Plein

NO DOUBT WERE A BAND for nine years before getting on the radio. Enough time for Stefani and bassist Tony Kanal to be in a long term relationship then break up and write a whole hit album about it. All of the Fleetwood Mac drama was resolved pre-fame, which enabled the group to capitalize on the surprise success of Tragic Kingdom singles like "Don't Speak" and "Just a Girl" with a world tour that lasted almost three years. Three more albums followed, and Stefani has reinforced her household name status in every decade since, launching a solo career and multiple fashion lines while never totally cutting the cord from her original musical project.

In other words, record executives have been dictating Stefani's schedule since the mid-'90s. She even sings about it on Love. Angel. Music. Baby opener "What You Waiting For," in which her biological clock ticks like a metronome. Interscope Co-Founder Jimmy Iovine, who discovered No Doubt and continued to work with Stefani on her solo output, was quick to point out that his client's prime childbearing years were also her last opportunity to cross over into pop stardom. And after her first record went number one, it only made sense to lay down some new tracks straight away.

"Whether or not I get the response that I would hope to get — because that's what I'm used to, because I'm so damn spoiled and I've tasted the blood of success — I still got to do the creative journey."

"I had the baby, the first one, and it was only like eight weeks after I had him, that Jimmy was calling me saying, you've got to go in the studio with Akon," Stefani recalls cheerfully. "Like, Akon wants to work with you. Like, no, I'm nursing my baby. But then I couldn't say no." And then? "We wrote 'Sweet Escape.'" And then? "I went on a world tour." And then? "In the month that I got home from that one hundred and whatever shows it was, I got pregnant with Zuma. So then that was that." (It wasn't. Admittedly: "Then it was like, No Doubt, let's do another record.")

Things are different now: "You can just drop singles and you don't have to put a record out. But if you want to put a record out, you can work on it slowly." But even as she talks of slowing down, speculating that she might not even go on tour after the pandemic ends, in the next sentence Stefani's back to admitting that there's more work to be done, that she wants to write a couple more songs for her new record, "just to make sure."

Earrings: Lana Jewelry (The Residency Experience) Choker: Chanel, Necklaces: Gwen's own, Gloves: Laurel DeWitt, Top: Local Boogeyman

"The creation is the thing that fuels me so much," she says. "Whether or not I get the response that I would hope to get — because that's what I'm used to, because I'm so damn spoiled and I've tasted the blood of success — I still got to do the creative journey."

Like any good lyricist, she reaches out to her listener, hoping to convey a more universal point. "It's just probably the same for you as a writer," she guesses. "You know, it's the anticipation. You're in it now. You're getting the information. This is what you live for. You're doing the interview and then you're going to write it. And that's going to be the challenge."

GWEN STEFANI WAS PUTTING out diary entry pop when Olivia Rodrigo was still in diapers and Taylor Swift was but a humble Pennsylvania Christmas tree heiress. She struggles to pen lyrics that aren't confessional ("I'm not a creative writer when it comes to like, 'Oh, let's just write a sad song about something that didn't happen to me'"), and occasionally re-traumatizes herself when performing old hits. Return of Saturn deep cut "Dark Blue" triggers "crazy, just horrible" recollections of a past relationship. Even "Don't Speak" felt emotional onstage in Vegas.

But after releasing an excruciating divorce album, This Is What the Truth Feels Like, in 2016, Stefani is back to writing happy songs only. She's getting married, after all. She won't be releasing any of her trademark breakup anthems anytime soon. "Girl," she laughs, "I think I've had my fair share."

Bow: Laurel DeWitt, Earrings: Lana Jewelry (The Residency Experience), Bracelets: Dena Kemp (The Residency Experience), Shirt: Vintage Archive, Dress: Erdem, Tights: Capezio, Shoes: Marc Jacobs (Lidow Archive)

Stefani and Shelton's relationship has puzzled some fans. Shelton, a country radio phenomenon, never endorsed Trump in the 2016 election, but he did come close. Earlier this year, he was criticized for releasing a song called "Minimum Wage," about finding small joys during periods of economic struggle, at the peak of a recession.

Is Gwen Stefani a Republican now? She's not offended by the question, or really anything I have to ask. She has been famous for so long that she expects and even embraces scrutiny. "If you're going to be a star, that's what you get," she says. "You know what I mean? You get what you get, and you don't get upset, at all."

As for her politics, it's read-between-the-lines."I can see how people would be curious, but I think it's pretty obvious who I am," she says. "I've been around forever. I started my band because we were really influenced by ska, which was a movement that happened in the late '70s, and it was really all about people coming together. The first song I ever wrote was a song called 'Different People,' which was on the Obama playlist, you know, a song about everyone being different and being the same and loving each other. The very first song I wrote."

One of very few multi-racial bands playing stadium shows for hoardes of American teenangers in the 1990s, No Doubt did very literally embody those second-wave ska principles of inclusion. Stefani even wore bindis and saris on stage as a symbol of cultural exchange with Kanal, who is Indian-American, briefly kickstarting a white girl facial jewelry trend that it's safe to say would not fly in 2021.

Rings (left): Dena Kemp (The Residency Experience)

"The Specials and The Selecter and all those groups, and what they were doing in the late '70s was this whole kind of anti-racism, we come together, Black and white ska movement," Stefani elaborates on the band's founding principles. "And we were sort of echoing that in the '80s when we did it, we were like the third generation of ska."

Ska she's always happy to discuss, but Stefani was brought up to keep her electoral preferences personal, and that rule has held for her entire career. "The whole point of voting, is you have this personal space to feel how you feel," she explains. "I use my platform to share my life story and to engage with people and to exchange whatever gift I was giving. I'm not a political science major. I am not that person. Everyone knows that. So why would I even talk about it?"

"I don't need to go on Instagram and say 'girl power.' I just need to live and be a good person and leave a trail of greatness behind me."

It never has been. Looking back, it's weird that "Just a Girl" is so integral to Gwen Stefani's brand. She's never written anything else with remotely the same message, and or publicly identified as a feminist. To Stefani, it's just a song about growing up, and "all of a sudden you realize your gender." It wasn't meant as a protest or anthem: in fact, being her breakout hit, she didn't think anyone other than her bandmates and some local fans would ever hear it.

"I don't even know if I knew what feminist at that time was," she says. "I was very sheltered growing up with my family. I wasn't political. I wasn't angry." Even now: "I don't need to go on Instagram and say 'girl power.' I just need to live and be a good person and leave a trail of greatness behind me. Stop talking about it and stop trying to bully everybody about it. Just do it. And that's how I feel like I've lived my life."

WHEN STEFANI WAS GROWING up in 1970s Anaheim, her father got a job doing market research for Yamaha, which required frequent business trips to Japan. He'd bring home Sanrio toys, as well as anecdotes about the Tokyo district of Harajuku, where teenagers were dressing like Elvis, and "taking all these American things and making them Japanese." His daughter was entranced. "He would be telling me these things my whole life, like my whole life. I had a deep fascination."

So when No Doubt played Japan in 1996, Stefani describes, "It was a pretty big deal for me." The tour was the first time she'd traveled outside of the United states, save one trip to Italy when she was 21. "I just was inspired," she recalls. "It's a world away. And at that time it was even further, because you couldn't see it on the internet. I don't think a younger generation can even imagine what it's like to not have access to the world."

From then on, Japan became one of Stefani's biggest career motivations, especially when it came to her solo albums. If she could just write more hits, she'd get to tour there again, see the street style, visit the vintage stores. "If you read the actual lyrics [in 'What You Waiting For?'], it talks about being a fan of Japan and how if I do good, I get to go back there," she says.

In the meantime, she decided she'd bring Japan to Los Angeles. "I never got to have dancers with No Doubt. I never got to change costumes. I never got to do all of those fun girl things that I always love to do. So I had this idea that I would have a posse of girls — because I never got to hang with girls — and they would be Japanese, Harajuku girls, because those are the girls that I love. Those are my homies. That's where I would be if I had my dream come true, I could go live there and I could go hang out in Harajuku."

Earrings, bracelets and rings: Dena Kemp (The Residency Experience, Gold Necklaces: Gwen's own, Top: Local Boogeyman, Pants: GCDS, Shoes: Valentino

Dancers Maya Chino ("Love"), Jennifer Kita ("Angel"), Rino Nakasone ("Music") and Mayuko Kitayama ("Baby") would go on to accompany Stefani for her next two album cycles, dancing on stage and in her videos while also making silent, but very well-dressed, awards show appearances. Kita, who'd grown up in LA, visited Japan for the first time on Stefani's tour.

In a 2006 interview with Blender magazine, comedian Margaret Cho compared the Harajuku Girls to a minstrel show. The backlash against them has been consistent ever since. Stefani, to this day, disagrees.

"If we didn't buy and sell and trade our cultures in, we wouldn't have so much beauty, you know?" she says. "We learn from each other, we share from each other, we grow from each other. And all these rules are just dividing us more and more."

Hello Kitty merch was harder to come by when she was a kid, but in other ways, life felt easier. "I think that we grew up in a time where we didn't have so many rules. We didn't have to follow a narrative that was being edited for us through social media, we just had so much more freedom."

Earrings, bracelets and rings: Dena Kemp (The Residency Experience), Necklaces: Gwen's own, Dress: GCDS, Shirt: Faith Connexion, Tights: Capezio, Shoes: Marc Jacobs (Lidow Archive)

Stefani's penchant for rule breaking has always been apparent in her music as much as her aesthetic. Genre-wise, she's a randomista. The chart success of No Doubt's bouncing ska beats felt like an accidental post-grunge-era glitch in the matrix, and it's insane to this day that one of Stefani's biggest solo hits samples "If I Were a Rich Man" from Fiddler on the Roof, by way of '90s British dancehall duo Louchie Lou & Michie One. That another, "Wind It Up," features earnest Sound of Music yodeling.

"I just make up whatever comes out," Stefani says of her songwriting process. "I don't even know where it comes from. I feel like it just comes from the source. It's not trained, and it's not perfect, it's just real."

She looks back on the Love.Angel.Music.Baby era as unusually experimental and artistically fulfilling. "It was just a really incredible time, and a very creative time. I feel like it was just a really creative project."

STEFANI VIEWS HER CAREER success as mostly a matter of luck. Pop stardom is God-given and mysterious."Because the fact I made it, it doesn't make any sense," she reflects. "It's written in the stars. You know what I'm saying? I'm not the most talented. I'm not the most pretty. I'm not the most smart. None of those things. But I made it, right?"

Clothing: Blumarine, Bracelet and choker: Dena Kemp (The Residency Experience), Obsession necklace: Lidow Archive, Gold necklaces: Gwen's Own

Every week on The Voice she watches objectively gifted musicians fail at becoming artists. "I watched people that went through that without seeing their faces, without knowing what color they are. And I chose the ones that pulled my heartstrings. And even though they were so talented, none of them have had careers. It's made me look at myself and even feel even more amazed by the fact that anyone cared or cares."

If all of this is actually so out of her control, then Stefani feels safe stepping back a little bit. "I don't have that fuel in me like I used to, because I already won," she says. And now she has other victories in mind. "Being a good human, a good mother. I want to have a good marriage. I want to be a good wife. I want to win at finding peace. I want to win at finding other hobbies that I'm good at."

But at the same time? "If I'm inspired, I'm going to try to do something with that inspiration." That's the most fun part: whatever else comes after has always been an amazing bonus.

The "Let Me Reintroduce Myself" era, whatever form it may eventually take, isn't a desperate grab at former glory. It's Stefani refusing to evolve for the sake of it. She's poking fun at the whole idea of having to compete with past personas alongside current ones, while acknowledging the fact she's grateful to still be in the game at all.

"You don't know what you're doing," she says, somehow both confident and resigned. "You're a cartoon of yourself at this point, and you don't know what people are thinking. They're wondering, what? Why are you still here? And I'm like, I don't know. They said I could be here. So I'm here!"

Photography: Jamie Nelson Styling: Nicola Formichetti Hair: Sami Knight Makeup: Michael Anthony Nails: Carolyn Orellana Wardrobe director: Marta Del Rio Production: Katrina Kudlick Digitatech: Sean MacGillivray Logo design: Luca Devinu Story: Kat Gillespie

FROM YOUR SITE ARTICLES

[fanficimagery]

Another One Bites the Dust pt. 2

Summary: In which you accidentally run into the new guy, only for him to take an interest in you.

Words: 6.6K Warnings: Violence and swearing. A particular scene here happened pretty early on when Billy first moved to Hawkins, but for the sake of this imagine just pretend it happened a little later on.

Requested? Yes. By a few of you. Lol. Part One can be found HERE. @charmed-asylum​ | @cilorawr​ | @misstartrekandel​ | @procrastinate-queen​ | @delvenakioti​ | @shelby-x​

Billy Hargrove. The boy was an absolute dick to most, but you and he meshed pretty well thanks to the meddling of your best friend Heather. There were days where his dick-ish attitude just rubbed you the wrong way and you gave him the silent treatment until he cut his shit out, and fortunately for you he was quick to remedy his wrong the moment you shrugged off his arm when he was back in one of his playful moods.

You and he became the school's latest will they or won't they duo, and unfortunately for you almost the entire school was leaning towards when you would hook up, not if.

The school day has finally ended and you're more than ready to go home, even if it means riding the school bus since your car was in the shop. Both Billy and Heather were absent, and you had to endure muttered catty remarks, and you're just so over it. No matter how much you denied anything going on between you and Billy, the female population of Hawkins High still held a grudge against you for taking his attention.

Walking outside, you're heading towards the faded yellow buses when blaring music gets louder and louder, and gravel and dust is kicked up when a familiar blue Camaro skids to a stop nearby you. You cough, waving a hand in front of your face to fan away the dust, and then roll your eyes at a smirking Billy. "Don't you look awfully perky for someone who called in sick."

He chuckles. "Get in. I'm not letting you ride the bus."

Normally you'd banter a bit before caving, but you're tired. Riding with Billy sounds a hundred times better than riding the school bus with gossiping bitches. "Oh my god, yes. Thank you. I love you," you babble.

Quickly walking around the front of his car, you open up the passenger side door and plop down into his passenger seat. Billy leans towards you, nudging his sunglasses down the bridge of his nose. "Mmm. Say that again, but slower and whisper it in my ear."

You snort, shaking your head in amusement. "Not today, Hargrove. Please. I just want to go home and sleep."

When you look at him, you're a bit surprised to see how fast he sobers up. "What happened?"

"The usual. Now can you please drive or are we waiting for Max?"

"Max can skateboard her ass home." You frown at him, but you know better than to delve into his relationships with his family. As you and Heather have come to find out, Billy did not get along with any of his family whatsoever and it was best for everyone involved if you never mentioned it. "Your parents still out?"

"Yep, but-"

"Aw come on, Princess. No buts."

"Yes buts, Hargrove. I still don't need a guard dog to sleep at my feet."

He grins and quickly glances back out his windshield. "Who said I'd be sleeping at your feet?"

Groaning and laughing, you reach over to weakly punch his arm. "Shut up and drive, please."

Billy ends up cruising around town and down the back roads, knowing exactly what you need to decompress. With the window down and wind whipping through hair, you turn your head to face Billy and smile at him. He smirks back, thumbs tapping out beats along to the songs blaring from his speaker against his steering wheel. But all too soon the drive comes to a stop when he pulls up to the curb in front of your house.

Just as you reach for your backpack at your feet, Billy lowers the volume to his radio. "So listen, Y/N, I was thinking-"

"Whoa. No way!"

He snorts. "Shut up." You chuckle, miming zipping your lips shut. "So anyways, what are you doing tomorrow?"

"Besides sleeping? Nothing. What do you have in mind?"

"Let's grab a bite to eat. Just you and me. No Heather."

You hum as you open the door, sliding out. "Normally I'd tell you to get bent, but I'm game if you're buying." You shut the door and lean down to peer in through the opened window.

"Whatever you say, Princess. It's a date."

Your smile drops and Billy's smirk widens. "What? No it's not."

"What'd you say?" Billy raises the volume to the point that you flinch and he points at his ear, shakes his head, and shrugs. "I can't hear you!"

"You're a dickhead!" He laughs, clearly hearing you and revs his engine. On instinct you step back and Billy shoots off, leaving you waving a hand in front of your face to get rid of the dust his tires kicked up. You sigh. "It's totally not a date."

With nothing better to do and no one to tell you not to nap to your heart's content, you immediately jump into the shower to wash away all the lingering smells and germs from school. Afterward you dress in a shirt that's about two sizes too big and a pair of shorts that your father would burn had he known you were in possession of them. Then after vigorously towel drying your hair before throwing it up into a messy bun, you grab a pillow and blanket and fall onto the couch in front of the TV that's playing MTV.

Your eyes flutter shut for what feels like minutes, but when they fly back open the darkened living room says otherwise. For a moment you're confused as to why you were startled awake, but then the doorbell rings and nearly scares you half to death. When the pounding starts, you're quick to sit up and scramble towards the door, yanking it open seconds later. You're greeted by a beaming Heather and a too smug Billy.

"You have a date?!" She practically screeches.

You frown, rubbing the heel of your palm into your right eye. "Uh, no?"

"That's not what Billy says."

"Billy's a liar. You should know this by now."

Heather giggles and brushes passed you into your house. "Whatever. We brought Chinese. Hope you're hungry."

You watch her go and then turn to face Billy who's now eyeing you up and down. "Is that- is that my shirt?"

Immediately your face heats up and you glance down to see where his gaze has stopped. Grabbing the hem of the shirt and trying to lower it to cover your bare thighs, you nervously clear your throat. "You never asked for it back," you tell him. "You left your gym bag in my car for two weeks and I had to wash your rank ass clothes. I kept the shirt."

He slowly drags his eyes upward, eyes twinkling. "Looks good on you."

"Of course it does. I make everything look good."

You turn on the heel of your foot, gesturing for Billy to follow. He does. "Princess, please tell me you're wearing shorts. Because if you're not, I'm about to have a situation here."

Heather cackles from the kitchen and you roll your eyes even though he can't see it. "If you end up stiff, you're taking care of it in your car."

"You gonna give me a hand? Or a mouth?" He teases.

You snort. "Keep dreaming."

"Oh I will."

Heather dreamily sighs. "God I love when you two are like this," she says, gaze darting between you and Billy. "When you two finally come together, pun totally intended, it's going to be so explosive and I want all the nitty gritty details."

"As if," you say, the same time Billy says, "You got it."

Your friend giggles as she readily takes down plates and glasses from the cabinets. You turn to grab some Cola from the fridge and then head to take a seat at the table. Heather nudges you towards the chair that's closest to Billy and you huff a laugh but accept your fate nonetheless, crossing one leg over the other.

Heather quickly dishes out her food, she then passing you the containers. You dish yourself up some beef teriyaki and fried rice, absentmindedly dishing up the same for Billy while also adding two egg rolls to his plate. Heather coos, you blush, and then blush even harder when Billy slots his left hand between your pressed thighs underneath the table. Your instincts tell you to tell him to remove his hand, but the touch is innocent enough and you bite your tongue. It's as if he's warming his hand between your thighs like you absentmindedly do when your hands get too cold.

Laughter and chatter is shared throughout dinner, you filling them in on your day without them and they each sharing their bogus reasons for skipping school. Unknowingly you started eating with only your right hand and your left hand slipped under the table to join Billy's. You realized a moment too late that you were playing with his fingers, and when you tensed he chose that moment to squeeze your thigh.

You squeak and nearly fall out of your chair, and Heather stares suspiciously between the two of you. "What is going on?"

"Nothing," you tell her.

Billy grins. "I think I just found Y/N's ticklish spot."

You scowl as Heather's gaze drops, a smirk slowly forming. "You found the spot above her knee, huh? There's another spot on the back of her neck. Squeeze there and she drops like a sack of potatoes."

"Heather!" Your eyes widen. "You traitorous bitch." Billy reaches slowly for the back of your neck and you're quick to duck and swat at his hand. "Don't even think about it."

After a quick clean-up of the kitchen, Billy ends up staying a little while longer. The three of you wind up in the living room, MTV playing in the background as Heather playfully riles things up between you and Billy. Eventually though he has to leave and Heather informs you she's spending the night.

As you drag in the mattress from the spare bedroom into your own room, Heather showers to get ready for bed. You toss down extra pillows and a blanket, and then patiently wait for her to join you in your room.

With Cyndi Lauper playing on low, Heather paints her toenails as she asks, "So you and Billy, huh? It's about damn time you agreed to a date."

You sigh, painting your own toenails. "It's not a date."

"Are you sure?" She teases. Then a bit more seriously, she asks, "It's honest hour, Y/N. Do you really not want this to be a date?"

Taking a moment to think about it, you eventually put the polish brush back into it's bottle and meet your friend's gaze. "I like him. Okay?" She smiles. "But we've had this little back and forth going on for a while now, and it'd be weird for me to suddenly cave. I feel- I feel like once he's won, he'll walk soon after to the next girl playing hard to get."

"Oh sweetie," she coos. "Do you really not get that Billy likes you? He doesn't chase girls, Y/N. Girls chase him."

"But I-"

"Didn't chase him. Exactly," she muses. "You caught his attention. He wants you, not anyone else."

"I don't know, Heather."

"Trust me. If you're still not sure, dress casual for dinner. But if he flirts, you flirt back and see where it takes you."

You snort. "I'm pretty sure he'll try to take it to the backseat if I show the teensiest bit of interest."

"Nah. Hargrove's all talk. He'll only head in that direction if you're giving all the right signals. He'll tongue you for sure, but he'll wait for you to take the bigger steps."

You giggle, putting aside your nail polishes before falling back onto your pillows with a sigh. "Mr. California is going to be the death of me."

The following morning Heather helps you make some breakfast before cleaning up your room and helping you choose an outfit for dinner with Billy. She keeps it simple with some high waisted shorts, a black crop top with its sleeves rolled up, and a pair of Doc Martens. It's super casual, but also something that would do well for a first date.

Heather ends up leaving just after lunch and Billy calls you soon after. By his teasing and chuckling, you know he's excited for later that night. He won't tell you what he has planned, but he does give you a time to be ready by. So after some light cleaning, because your parents will be home the following night, you take a few hours nap before waking up to pamper yourself a little bit.

Dressed and now deciding whether or not you want to wear a jean jacket that's about two sizes too big, you opt to leave it on and leave it open when you hear the doorbell ring.

Practically bouncing down the steps, your amused smile falters when you open the door and see Billy's solemn expression. He actually looks really good- the boots, the tight jeans, the deep red shirt that's been unbuttoned down to the top of his stomach, and the black leather jacket. But instead of his usual sparkling eyes that you're used to, your heart falls at the sight of his defeated expression.

"Date's cancelled. Thought you'd like to know."

You frown. "What happened?"

"Max took off. Now I gotta track down the little shit and drag her home."

"Well maybe I can help. The sooner we find her, the sooner we can continue on with our night."

Billy weakly grins, hands digging into his pockets. "Our night, huh? Thought you'd be excited to get out of the date."

"What can I say? You've grown on me, Hargrove. Like a fungus."

That earns a chuckle, but still he's not his usual self like he is when you're hanging out. He looks you up and down, trying to figure out exactly what to do here, and he eventually sighs. "If you can stomach me turning on the charm for a few house moms, you got yourself a deal."

"Don't be gross." You step out onto the porch, shutting the door behind you. "I know the boys we usually see her with. I can easily direct you to where she could possibly be."

You brush past Billy, smirking, and hop down the porch stairs. He stomps down the stairs after you, chuckling as you climb into his car as if you belong there.

You first stop at the Henderson residence, you getting off alone. With Billy looking the way he is, you know for sure Ms. Henderson will attempt to keep him as long as possible. Luckily for you she's not really impressed with teen girls and tells you what you want to know right away. That the boys aren't there.

The Sinclair residence proves the boys aren't there either, but you still end up leaving with a smile when Billy gets roasted by the small pre-teen who had answered the door.

You figured it would be safe for Billy to get off at the Wheeler residence since Mrs. Wheeler is married, but you're proven wrong when she answers the door in her bathrobe and Billy's stance shifts. You can hear his flirtatious tone from the passenger seat of his car and have to bite your tongue when she leads him inside. He doesn't even spare you a glance as he follows after her and your heart twinges as he disappears. You're surprised at the sudden jealousy, but manage to remain cool for five minutes.

Eventually, you sigh and lean over towards the steering wheel to slam your hand on the horn. You let it blare for several long seconds before leaning back in your seat with a huff.

Seconds later the front door opens and Billy saunters out. He smirks at you, you flip him off, and then glower at Mrs. Wheeler who's watching with a frown from her door.

Her displeased expression at your appearance is so unwarranted that you're not really surprised your petty side jumps out. So just as Billy reaches the driver's side door, you can't help but slightly lean out the passenger window and shout, "How's the husband doing, Mrs. Wheeler?"

She smiles tightly in response, wraps her robe tighter around herself, lifts a hand in a stiff wave, and then re-enters her home. Billy laughs as he settles into his seat, slamming the door shut behind him. "Really, Y/N? Old lady Wheeler is what gets the jealousy stirring?"

"Fuck off, Hargrove, and drive. You figure out where the kids are yet?"

He smirks and then shrugs as he starts his car. "She said something about the Byers residence."

"Of course she did. Lets go."

The entire ride there Billy teases you about your now obvious dislike for Mrs. Wheeler and no amount of trying to explain why deterred him. You only disliked her because of her obvious flirting with a teenager while being married and not because she was a female flirting with the teenager you just so happened to have a crush on. Nope. Not. At. All.

But the moment you pull into the long driveway leading up to the Byers' house, all of Billy's amusement flees. Your grin falters as your gaze jumps between him and the somewhat familiar car sitting in front of the house, and you sigh. "I know you're pissed, but keep your shit straight. They're still kids, Billy."

His hand tightens on the steering wheel. "That's Harrington's car."

Well fuck. This won't end well.

Billy parks and lets his car idle for a few seconds before cutting the engine. In the silence, he pulls down a cigarette from his visor and lights up. Then placing the stick between his lips, he inhales deeply as the tip of his cig burns bright in the dark. The front door to the house opens and out steps Steve Harrington, and you're quick to exit the passenger side door as Billy angrily exits his side.

"Is that you, Harrington?" He asks, falsely amused.

"Yeah. Don't cream yourself."

You snort as you come to rest against the front end of Billy's car, shrugging when he glares at you and mumbles about you being a traitor. He then turns his attention back to Steve. You listen as they go back and forth, Billy asking about the whereabouts of his little sister and Steve denying having seen her.

Billy continues to call Steve a creep for hanging out with young boys, Steve continues to weakly defend himself, and your attention is dragged towards the house windows when you see the curtain move. Several small heads pop up to peer outside, Max included, and you cringe. You glance at Billy, hoping he hadn't seen, but when the kids all drop you know it was because Billy had seen them. And sure enough, when he points them out and Steve groans, you know the night's just taken a turn for the worse.

Billy stomps past Steve and you push off his car to follow. "Goddammit, Steve, why didn't you just admit to her being here?"

"And let him kill her? No thanks." He says, keeping pace with you.

"Fuck off, Harrington. When you saw me with him, you should have admitted she was here. Do you really think I'd let him hurt her?"

There's a shout, a couple girlish screams, and glass breaking. You swear and rush inside with Steve on your heels, only to run into pure chaos.

Billy threatens Lucas Sinclair and Steve rushes to save him. Steve throws the first punch and the room erupts with screams and shouts for Steve to beat the shit out of Billy. The boys immediately draw blood and instead of shouting at Billy to cool it, because there's no way he'll calm down now, you keep an eye on the other kids. When Billy dazes Steve, he angrily turns back towards Lucas and you rush to jump between them.

"Don't even think about it, Hargrove!" You tell him, hands planted on his chest. "He's a kid." His nostrils flare in anger, but you stand your ground.

Instead Billy focuses on Steve once more and you glance over your shoulder to nod in reassurance at the kids who are staring at you in surprise.

The fight quickly turns brutal and even you join in with the kids, shouting at Billy to stop when he leans over Steve to pummel him. But Billy's not listening to anyone and you're soon distracted by Max when you see her rush towards something on the floor and bend over to pick it up. You see her stare at a syringe now in her hand before she glances at Billy, and when you see the determination in her eyes you move.

"Max, don't!" You lunge towards Billy and shove your hand to shield the side of his neck, crying out when the needle is sloppily shoved deep into your forearm. Your cry draws Billy's attention, every one of the rioting boys quiet down, and Max's eyes widen. You stumble back, empty syringe stuck into your arm, and you hastily pull it out to toss aside. "What the ffuu-" You slur.

"I-I'm sorry!" She stammers. "I didn't mean-

The room swims before your very eyes and you trip over a piece of broken furniture. You flinch at every kid that tries to reach out to steady you, so Billy rushes forward and gently grabs you by the arms. You squeak, but he gently shushes you, and you have to flutter your eyelids just to properly focus your gaze. Staring up at him as he comes into focus, you take note of his worried expression and bleeding nose. "B-Billy?"

He nods before glancing over his shoulder. "Max, what the fuck did you give her?!"

"I-It was a tranquilizer! It was meant for you," she admits. "But she put her arm in the way."

The room spins again and you whine, squeezing your eyes shut. "Make it stop. Please make it stop."

"Guys!" One of the kids shouts. "We don't have time for this. We need to go!"

"Go how? Steve's down for the count," someone else says, "and we don't all fit in his car."

For some reason the tip of Billy's nose catches your attention and you can't help but boop it with a giggle. "Billy's got a car," you muse.

He swats at your hand. "Like hell I'm gonna drive these crotch goblins anywhere."

You poke his chin, giggling when he catches your hand. "Come on, babe. Let's go on an adventure!" You say excitedly right before your world goes dark.

When Y/N's body goes limp, Billy takes her full weight into his arm. He gently taps her cheek. "Y/N? Y/N!" When he gets no answer, he glances up and glares at Max.

She's quick to hold her hands up in surrender. "I'm sorry! I didn't mean to drug your girlfriend, but we really do need a ride. It's a life or death situation."

"Max!"

"What? He needs to know, Mike! We're not going to save anyone if we don't find a ride there and we can't exactly steal his car with him still conscious!"

Billy stares down at Y/N, then back at Max. His frustration is at its peak, but with Y/N passed out in his arms there's nothing he can do about it. The annoying kids are all staring at him, sans one who's now helping Steve to his feet, and he groans. "Fine. But you're explaining what the hell is going on, on the way there, Max. And all your little friends are riding in Harrington's car. You're with me and Y/N to make sure she doesn't choke on her own vomit."

"Fine. Whatever."

"Fine. Lets go!"

It's a complete clusterfuck just getting to the cars, the young boys struggling to get Steve moving. He's in no shape to drive, so Billy yells at them to get their shit together and pick a driver. Mike reluctantly gets into the driver's seat as they shove Steve into the back with Lucas and Billy gently shoves Y/N into the backseat of his own car with Max.

As they get on the road, Billy sighs at the shitty driving skills the kid is displaying in front of him, but follows nonetheless.

"Alright. Explain." Billy stares at Max through the rearview mirror and watches as she mentally prepares what she's going to say.

"You're not going to believe me," she starts with. "I didn't believe it until I witnessed some things first hand."

"Max," he grits out. "Tell me."

"Okay, so basically monsters are real," Max blurts. Billy says nothing, but his hands do tighten around the steering wheel. "There was some laboratory in town that was super into child experimentation and one of these experiments had powers that opened up a door to another dimension." Billy scoffs. "It's true," she glares. "A monster escaped and kidnapped Will Byers. They presumed him dead, but he was actually alive. The laboratory faked his death so they didn't have to admit what they were doing, but his mom and Chief Hopper saved him. He's possessed now which is why we're going to an opening we know about to cause a distraction while they save Will and shut the dimension door once and for all."

There's a tense moment of silence before Billy says, "Are you guys stoned? What the fuck, Max?"

She groans. "I told you, you wouldn't believe me!"

"Are you even hearing yourself right now?! What the hell did they drag you into?"

"Billy, I'm telling you the truth." Max meets his stare in the mirror, eyes pleading. "Just please follow them. I need to help and you don't even have to get off the car. We'll do all the work."

"Whatever," he grumbles. "But after all this shit is done and over with, you're gonna be on your best behavior for the next several months. I don't need Neil on my ass about babysitting you anymore."

"Fine. Deal. Whatever."

Billy's annoyed when he has to drive his baby through a goddamn pumpkin patch and then even more annoyed with the rotted smell after they park. The kids and Harrington all readily climb out of the car, and he warns Max to not die because he's not taking the blame for that shit. He watches as they produce swimming goggles, bandanas, ropes, and gloves. Flashlights are handed out, as well as canisters of what he presumes is gasoline.

"What the fuck," he mutters. Sighing, he glances at Y/N still passed out in the backseat and seeing that she's not going anywhere anytime soon he decides to get out of his car. So with his headlights left on and shining towards the same spot Steve left his headlights shining on, Billy gets out and stomps around towards the group. "Yo, dipshits! What the hell are you doing with those gas cans?"

In the midst of tying their makeshift masks around their faces, everyone glances at Billy before staring at Max. She groans and addresses her stepbrother. "It's called the Upside Down- the place where the monsters come from. Their world started leaking into ours and there's an opening over there in the patch," she says while pointing. "We're going to go in and torch it."

Off in the distance there's a roar of an animal that Billy has never heard before. The headlights to the two vehicles flicker before cutting out and flashlights get turned on. But even then the flashlights flicker too.

"If we're going to do this, we're doing it now," Steve says.

Billy follows the group towards the rotted out pumpkin patch and watches them secure a rope before tossing the rest of the length down the hole. One by one they jump down and before Max can take her turn, he grabs her by the arm. "Don't die, dipshit."

She huffs. "Sure thing, asshole."

Steve is the last to go, but before he goes down he looks at Billy. "I'll, uh, I'll keep an eye on her."

"You better, pretty boy. If she gets hurt, I'm coming after you."

Steve's eyes widen before he lowers the ridiculous goggles to shield his eyes and then jumps down. Billy walks over to the ledge, frowning down into the hole. The kids must get further from the entrance because the small beams of light soon disappear and with no way to see he heads back to his car.

As soon as he opens up the driver's side door, Billy yanks the seat forward and climbs into the back with Y/N.

Shifting in your seat, your eyes flutter open and you're momentarily confused with the near darkness that greets you. "Where-" You utter, cutting yourself off and gulping. Your mouth feels a little dry and your tongue feels heavy. "What's going on?"

"Hey. Shh." Turning to the side and squinting, you can make out Billy's features. His hands gently cup your face and you flinch the touch. "It's okay. You're alright."

"Billy?" You let your eyes close, head aching. "Where are we?"

"In the backseat of my car in the middle of some field with rotted pumpkins."

You whimper softly. "The backseat of your car? I told Heather I wouldn't be that girl."

Billy chuckles. "Relax, Princess. You were drugged. I'm not in the business of taking advantage of girls."

"Drugged?" Bits and pieces of earlier that night comes to you and you sit up a little in your seat. "Max was going to stab you!"

"Relax." He tugs you into his side, draping an arm around you and keeping you pressed against him. "Max had her reason for wanting to knock me out. I did a serious number on Harrington back at the house."

Your brow furrows the more you try to recall. You groan quietly and press your face into Billy's chest. "I feel like I should tell you something for fighting, but I'm just so tired."

"Go to sleep, Y/N. You can scold me later."

"Okay. Just one question." He hums and waits for you to continue. "What the fuck are we doing in the middle of a field?"

Billy's sudden laugh startles you and you pinch him in retaliation. "That's a story for when you're less loopy. It's pretty unbelievable and I'm still not sure I believe it myself."

"Okay. If you say so, Bobby."

"Jesus Christ," he sighs. "Go back to sleep."

You lose track of time over the rest of the weekend, barely keeping yourself focused during phone calls with Billy, Heather, and Jonathan Byers since he was pretty close to the situation going on that led the kids to acting crazy and Max drugging you. Your parents are in and out of your room, but they leave you alone thinking you'd caught a very mild case of the flu.

One morning you wake up to the smell of something cooking and stumble your way out of the room, heading towards the kitchen. You rub at your eyes, yawning and stretching carefully since you're aching in several places, and blink in confusion at the sight of your mom cooking.

"Mom?" You frown. "What are you doing home?"

"Hmm. Oh, honey," she smiles. "Your father pushed his trip back a couple of days to make sure you were feeling well before we left again."

"Oh. Well thanks, but I'm actually feeling pretty good. I'm just really tired," you tell her with yet another yawn. She smiles at you and your gaze is then drawn towards a vase holding three sunflowers. "Dad forget an important day?" You ask. "He rarely buys flowers unless he's in trouble."

Your mom laughs. "No, those are yours. Some young girl brought them over last night and when we told her you were feeling a bit unwell, she said to tell you that she apologizes for ruining your date."

Max. Max had brought you flowers because she had ruined what would have been your first date with Billy. And speaking of Billy, the memories of that night rush to the forefront of your mind and you can't help but smile at how adoringly attentive he had been when you were out of your mind in the backseat of his car. You even remember him driving you home and helping you upstairs before he tucking you into bed while Max had gotten you a glass of water and some Tylenol.

Your mom suddenly clears her throat and at her smug little grin, your cheeks heat up. "Don't make it weird. It's just Billy."

"The boy who's been chasing you for the past several months? That Billy?"

"Yep." You head towards the flowers, delicately running your fingers over them and huffing a short laugh. "That girl that dropped these off is Max, his step sister. She kind of took off without letting their parents know she was leaving and Billy had to search for her."

"Oh. Well it was kind of her to apologize."

"Yeah. Yeah it was." As you're staring at the flowers, it suddenly hits you that you really want to see Billy. Plus it's also a weekday and you should be getting ready for school. "Well I'm gonna go shower and get ready. Don't wanna be late for class."

"Y/N." You turn towards your mom before you can make an escape and she frowns at you. "It's about to be lunch time, sweetheart. You've already missed your morning classes."

"What?" Your heart skips a beat. Looking out the window, you're surprised you hadn't realized just how bright it was. "Crap."

"You slept through your alarm so I figured you weren't feeling well."

"It's- it's fine. I'm just gonna freshen up and make a quick appearance at school."

You're in a rush to get back to your room that you barely hear your mom call out, "Tell Billy I say hello," with laughter lacing her tone.

          ----------

Twenty minutes later you're pulling into the school parking lot with only a handful of minutes left to spare in the lunch period. Billy is easy to spot, a gaggle of his usual fans surrounding the front of his car as Heather sits on the hood next to him and glares at all the simpering messes.

You park nearby, cutting the engine and slamming your door shut as you climb out. Everyone turns to stare at you, but you only have eyes for the smoking moron who pushes himself off his car to stand tall as you approach.

You pass up one car and then two, and then, "Nice house shoes," Steve muses from his perch on Jonathan Byers' car.

"Eat my ass, Harrington." Jonathan snorts and you barely give Steve and his affronted expression a brief grin as Nancy giggles from Jonathan's side.

Continuing on your path towards Billy, a few girls give up upon seeing you and move on while others stand their ground. You have no problem shoving between them all to get to your friend and Billy tosses down his cigarette when he sees you're on a mission.

"Well, well, well. It looks like Sleeping Beauty finally-" You grab him by the lapels of his jean jacket and pull him down so you don't have to tiptoe in order to kiss him. He tenses momentarily and someone wolf whistles, Heather most likely, while others grumble and others mutter slurs beneath their breath before stomping off.

But almost as soon as he tenses, he relaxes and his hands slide down to grip your hips. With his mouth still connected to yours and teeth nipping, Billy turns you and readily lifts you onto the hood of his car as he steps between your knees.

"Goddamn. Finally!" Heather gushes.

Her words manage to pierce through the lustful fog in your brain and you pull back from Billy, laughing. You shake your head at her as she wiggles her eyebrows and swat at Billy's hands as his fingers trail down your thighs.

"Uh, excuse you," someone scoffs. "We were talking."

Heather's smile drops as her gaze immediately darts to the girl who dared speak up and you turn to slowly meet the annoyed girl's stare. You smile. "You're excused, Natalie."

"It's Natasha."

"Did I stutter?" Billy snorts as he leans forward, dropping his forehead on your shoulder. "Move along, Natalie. Your presence is no longer required."

The bell ringing has the crowd slowly dispersing in order to get back to class, but you, Billy, and Heather remain rooted right where you're at.

When the shuffling of feet or petty remarks can no longer be heard, Billy lifts his head. "Not that I'm complaining, but what brought this on?"

"Saturday night was a total shitshow," you say, your hands tugging at the lapels of his jacket before smoothing them down and then sliding around to clasp at the back of his neck, "but something definitely shifted after your step-sister drugged me."

"She did what?!" Heather practically shouts.

Billy chuckles but doesn't say anything and a feeling of uncertainty washes over you. You sigh. "This is weird, isn't it?"

"No. Definitely not," he's quick to reply. "You just caught me off guard, but I'm totally into it."

"Of course you are. You're into anything if it means you're going to get laid."

"Am I?" He asks, right eyebrow raising. "Going to get laid?" He then clarifies.

You roll your eyes. "Maybe. We'll play it by ear."

"Uhh.. excuse me!?" Heather says, gaze ping-ponging between you and Billy. "Is anyone going to explain? Why the hell were you drugged?!"

You and Billy laugh as you meet her surprised expression. "Oh, Heather. There's so much more to Hawkins that we have to teach you."

"But not right now," Billy says. His hands hook beneath your knees as he drags you towards the edge of his car and you readily wrap your legs around his waist as he lifts you up. "Y/N and I are going somewhere quieter to talk."

"Mhm. I'm sure you are." Heather hops off the hood and starts to slowly walk backwards toward the school.

"And you," you say while tossing her your keys, "are going to take my car after school. I'll get it from you later."

"Jesus. If I'd known you would be this nice, I'd have encouraged Billy to get into your pants a lot sooner."

"Eat me, Holloway."

"That's Billy's job, Y/L/N." With that she turns on her heel and skips away.

Billy snorts as he spots your cheeks flaming, but you pinch the side of his neck before pecking his lips and then letting your legs drop so you can stand on your own two feet once more. He chuckles as he watches you walk around to the passenger side of his car and you waste no time settling inside. As he then moves to take his place behind the wheel, you can't help but think about how exhilarating this all is. You've known he was attractive from the moment you saw him, but you made him your friend before pursuing any type of relationship with him.

So now as you sit in his passenger seat like you have been for several months, you can't help but feel a bout of nervousness as he reaches across the seat and offers you his right hand. You grab it and then bite back a giggle as he laces your fingers together.

"So my place or yours?"

"Yours. Definitely yours."

[queer-disabled-activist]

Masterlist sex mentions/references in Journey's/Steve Perry and Neal Schon's songs

This is something I've been thinking about doing for a while now, and now I've finally did it! Journey songs comes on shuffle as they do and I discovered a lot of songs that refrenced sex somehow and I thought to myself "how many of these do they have??" because it just felt like they kept coming.

This list will focus on Steve Perry's time with the band from Infinity to Trial By Fire, his solo work and Neal Schon's first solo album. You will notice that Frontiers isn't on this list, well that is because there's no sex references on Frontiers whatsoever. The list will go in cronologial order and I will mention some key lyrics to why these songs are naughty. Steve Perry will get hoe points for the songs he has written all by himself without input. As you will notice "Departure" is the sluttiest album of them all. Also here’s a playlist of all the songs available on spotify (X) For the songs that aren’t available on spotify I’ve added a youtube link in the title. Hope you'll enjoy!

Infinity

- “Feeling That Way” - This is kinda semi, but it still goes. Key lyrics:

“A new road's waiting

You touched my life, whoa

Soft and warm on a summer's night

You're the only one, I told you

The only one I love

The lovely one (lovely one)

I'm thinking of”

- "Anytime" This is also kinda semi, but this list will get naugthier as we go along. Key lyrics:

“Ooh, ooh anytime that you want me Ooh, ooh anytime that you want me Ooh, ooh anytime that you want me to Ooh, ooh anytime that you need me"

- "La Do Da" - Key lyrics

"Whey you touch me sweet so fine I feel it, I feel it When your body's close to mine"

Evolution

- "Lovin' Touchin' Squeezin'" Steve Perry wrote this alone so he's getting his 1st hoe point. This is probably the most obvious track you can think of when it comes to sex references. Key lyrics:

“When I'm alone all by myself You're out with someone else Lovin', touchin', squeezin' each other"

- "When You're Alone (It ain't easy) This song mostly hint at teasing, but teasing is also somewhat of a sex reference. - Key lyrics:

“When you're alone it ain't easy, You're like a dog that roams. Ain't got no girl to tease me, Ain't got nobody home."

- "Lovin' You is Easy" Key lyrics:

"Come on girl, give me that good lovin', oh baby Come on girl, keep the motor hummin, oh, woh, baby".

- "Just The Same Way" Key lyrics:

“Oh, no, you should be holdin' on to him girl. Oh, yeah just like, just like you want to do. Oh, no, just love and squeeze him girl. Oh, yeah just love and squeeze him yeah."

Departure

- "Any Way You Want It" - This is also kind of an obvious one, it's basically in the title. Key lyrics:

"Ooh, all night, all night Oh, every night So hold tight, hold tight Ooh baby, hold tight"

- "Walks Like A Lady" - Steve Perry wrote this song all by himself and is now up to his 2nd hoe points. Key lyrics:

“She moves like a lady When I'm in her arms She loves like a lady Lovin' all night long"

- "Where Were You" - This is the most lyrical graphic one of some sorts and honestly the theme makes me a bit uncomfortable. It's describing the girl he's dating as a hoe and that if she was about to leave him he can just hook up with her sister anyway. The whole song is basically a key lyric, but I'll go with the second verse. Key lyric:

"I know where, baby You been running around loose on the side Cause I know where, little lady You been running around with something to hide I don't mind, darling, if you're feeling fancy and free, yeah I don't mind, little baby Because your sister's looking real good to me"

- "Line Of Fire" - This is just a semi sexual reference, very mild, but I decided to keep it in. Key lyric:

“He said, "Now Suzi, don't you lie. Did Stevie, did he catch you with another guy?""

- "Stay Awhile" Steve Perry gets a hope point for this one, now he has 3. Key lyric:

"I'd go anywhere to touch you. I'd do anything you want me to,"

- "Homemade Love" - This song is a song full of sexual references packed into cooking. This is one of the few songs were Smitty/Steve and Neal all has writing credits, Smitty is not really known for his writing credits, so that is cool. Key lyrics:

"I need a jelly roll sweetie. Now, spread it oh spread it on me, babe. Feels so good, on the top."

Captured

- "Dixie Highway" - This is also a song filled with sexual references that they've packed in to be about a highway. A fun fact, this is the second song were Steve Perry has namedropped himself, the first is "Line Of Fire". Stevie is obviously him. Key Lyrics:

“I want to hold on you, come with you, love with you all the night"

"Escape"

From Jon Cain's entering the sex refrences instantly went down, on Escape there is only one.

- "Stone In Love" - Key lyrics:

"She pulled me down, ooh, and in clover We'd go around, yeah In the heat with a blue jean girl"

"Raised On Radio"

- "Positive Touch" - Key lyrics:

"She (she's) has got the positive touch (touch) She's bringing love back to me, yeah, back to me. I said-- She, (she's) to me means so much (much) She's saving it all for me, yeah"

- "Suzanne" - This is a semi reference, but since the list really dries up bc of Jon Cain I left it in anyway. Key lyrics:

"You're making love on the silver screen I want you more than you will ever know Temptation...Infatuation"

"Trial By Fire"

- "Baby I'm Leaving You" - This is very, very semi. Key lyric:

“Tell me girl it ain't true The rumors that I hear about you About all the boys you knew before Who come and go right out your door"

- "I Can See It In Your Eyes" - The only song where Journey has mentioned the word sexy ever. Key lyric:

“No you..Make me mad...The way you cat around With your lips, your legs And all your sexy ways Do you got another lover now"

"Street Talk" - Steve Perry

"I Believe" - key lyric

"You want it too - Oh you want it You'll know the way - Know the way."

"Go Away" - a hoe reference. Key lyrics:

"I'm cruisin' many So are you That's the way we both should do"

"Strung Out" - I find this song uncomfortable. I have mentioned that Steve Perry has a lot of solo songs where he refrences women as something that should belong to him, I don't like it at all. This is a semi sex reference packed in in lovin'. Key lyrics:

"They're sayin' that he's never been good to you And he's always hurt and let you down, If what you need is good lovin', I'll be around"

"Harmony" - Steve Perry wrote this all on his one and is now up to 4 hoe points. This is very semi. Key lyric: "Ooh yeah special kind of love Ooh yeah la la la la"

- “My My My” - This is a bonus track on Street Talk and isn’t available on streaming services, so I simply forgot it. This is a demo from Steve’s Alien Project days and it’s yes you probably guessed it; it’s a sex song. Key lyrics:

“M-m-m-m, my, my yeah

M-m-m-m, my, my yeah

I've got somethin' for you, yeah

You've got somethin' for me, oh

Let's put 'em together, oh yeah, oh

Ooh, I want you to squeeze me

Come on and hold me

Oh, baby, love me!

M-m-m-m, my, my yeah

M-m-m-m, my, my yeah”

- “Makes No Difference” Another bonus track from Street Talk that isn’t available on streaming services. This is another demo from his Alien Project days and it’s yet another sex song of course. This man here he is very naughty indeed. Key lyrics:

“Theres a sweep right to the bone

And I love to feel you baby

I I I get excited, oo to be with you

C'mon baby, whoaa oo oh oh oh”

"For The Love Of Strange Medicine" - Steve Perry

Before going in to this I thought that FTLOSM would be an album full of sexual refrences because it has a lot of sexy melodies, and well that one song you know, but as it turns out it doesn't have a lot. It's like Steve Perry decided to put all the sexual references in one single song. There are som other semi ones though.

- "Donna Please" - Another song where he sings about women that should belong to him, no. Key lyric: "Wanting you Touching you" and "If he wants you tonight Will you tell him no"

"Listen To Your Heart" - This is also a bit semi, but it needs to be here. Key lyric: "I was lovin' you baby You were lovin' me Every word I said Every word is true I was on the inside But he was lovin' you" and "You felt so good"

- "Can't Stop" - The song we all knew would be here. This entire song is a sex song and it's no going around it. In all honesty the entire song is a key lyric, but lets go with this part:

"(Can't stop) Your magical potion (Can't stop) The feel of your ocean (Whoa, whoa) Yes, I'm in shadows Talk real nice (nice) You know, just a little bit of that, uh Sugar and spice Some cutchie-coo, ooh"

"Greatest Hits + 5 Unreleased" - Steve Perry

- "Against The Wall" -Steve Perry is in a relationship, but he really wants to cheat like the hoe he is. Key lyric: (updated)

“Believe me I want you, I'd like to

More than I show

But I belong to somebody else, baby, please

“Walk out that door, yeah, oh

Before it's too late, listen

In the middle of your touch

In the middle where your heat starts rising

Oh, girl, I want you so bad”

- Once In A Lifetime, Girl" - This is also somewhat of a semi reference. Key lyric: "Baby, so come on Let's do it again More than a lover You're more than a friend"

"Traces" - Steve Perry

"No Erasin'" He wrote this himself and is now up to 5 hoe points. Maybe this is a surprising choice, but I found something here. Key lyrics:

“You laughed with me and sheltered me and Turned me on"

"Call On Me" - very semi, but it still goes. 6 hoe points. Key lyric: "If you want loving And you're alone Stay, you no lonely Pick up the phone

- "Could We Be Something Again" - 7 hoe points, that is Steve Perry's score for songs with sexual references he has written alone. Key lyric: "Oh, do you wanna, do you wanna? Yah-yah Do you want a little? Yah-yah, yah-yah Do you wanna love again, baby?"

- "Late Nite" - Neal Schon

- "Rain's Comin' Down" When you listen to this song it is very obvious what it is about. Key lyric: "When the rain's comin' down, I wanna make love When the rain's comin' down, gonna make you feel good now"

- "Softly" This is mostly a pure love song, but we need some pure love as well and it is very sweet, I adore this song. Key lyric: "When I hold you in my arms (Softly) When I hear you call my name (Softly) The tears fall, the tears fall like gentle rain (Softly) Softly in the morning (Softly) You touch me and I feel so right"

[chelseamount]

Carpool Karaoke - Tom Holland x Reader

BEFORE YOU READ IMPORTANT 

when there are songs

cursive is you

BOLD is James

and This  is both of you

this story was requested by @tomsirishgirlx​ 

---

"Thank you so much for helping me to work today the traffic is crazy" James

"yeah no problem," I say

"you wanna listen to some music?"

"let's do it"

"Are we gonna have a problem?

You got a bone to pick?

You've come so far why now are you pulling on my dick?

I'd normally slap your face off And everyone here could watch But I'm feeling nice Here's some advice Listen up beeyotch"

"I like"

Lookin' hot

Buying stuff They can not

"I like"

"Drinking hard Maxing dad's credit card"

I like

Skippin' gym Scarin' her Screwin' him

I like

Killer clothes

Kickin' nerds in the nose

If you lack the balls You can go play dolls Let your mommy fix you a snack(whoa)Or you could come smoke Pound some rum and coke In my Porsche with the quarterback (whoa, whoa, whoa)

Honey, what you waitin' for? Welcome to my candy store Time for you to prove you're not a loser Anymore And step into my candy store

Guys fall At your feet Pay the check Help you cheat

All you Have to do

Say goodbye

To Shamu

That freak's Not your friend I can tell In the endIf she Had your shot

She would leave You to rot

Course if you don't care Fine, go braid her hair Maybe Sesame Street is on(whoa)

Or forget that creep And get in my jeep

Let's go tear up Someone's lawn (whoa, whoa, whoa)

Honey, what you waitin' for? Welcome to my candy store You just gotta prove You're not a pussy Anymore And step into my candy store

You can join the team

Or you can bitch and moan

You can live the dream

Or you can die alone

You can fly with eagles

Or if you prefer

Keep on testing me

And end up like her

Honey, what you waitin' for?

Shut up, Heather! Step into my candy store

Time for you to prove You're not a lame-ass Anymore And step into my candy store

It's my candy store It's my candy It's my candy store It's my candy It's my candy store It's my candy store

"I think I just got chills there," James says as we laugh "so Y/n it's so great to have you here"

"it's so great to be here it's like a dream come true" I smile

"y/n you are a Broadway singer and actress"

(all of these musicals and movies don't really make sense with the years they were made in but just imagine that they fit the age the reader is if that makes sense"

"yes that's correct"

"so what was your first role like ever"

"ever was Jan in grease"

"really" James looks at me

"yeah I was so happy"

"that's amazing and you were how old"

"fourteen"

"wow and what was your first broadway musical"

"that was heathers as the role of heather chandler as we just heard"

"I love the heathers songs and you are still in contact with some of your co-workers right"

"right I am really close with Barret who played Veronica but we don't get to see each other too much but when we do it's amazing"

"but you two played in mean girls too right"

"right I played Regina George and she played Janis, and that was probably one of my favourite musicals I have been in because obviously mean girls was like my favourite movie when i was younger"

"yeah so what was your favourite song from mean girls"

"oh totally world burn I think it's amazing"

"My name is Regina George And I am a massive deal I will grind you to sand Beneath my Louboutin heel This is what I get for helping Helping someone lame fit in Cady Heron, enjoy your temporary win" I sing "My name is Regina George "Regina is a fugly cow." Hey Cady, how ya like me now? I wanna watch the world burn I got the gasoline I wanna watch the world burn And everyone get mean I wanna watch the world burn I got the gasoline I wanna watch the world burn And everyone get mean Cady, time to watch your back Cady, time to turn and cough Because you took me down But you didn't finish me off My name is Regina George And in case you're keeping score Cady may have won the battle But I will win the war, for I wanna watch the world burn Trang Pak is a grotsky bi-otch! I got the gasoline Ms Norbury is a drug pusher! I wanna make the world burn Janis is a space dyke! Regina is a fugly cow Regina is a fugly cow And you can quote this Ohh. Woah-oh-oh! Who wrote this? Who wrote this? Who wrote this? I wanna watch the world burn I got the gasoline! I wanna watch the world burn And everyone turn Mean So mean! Mean So mean! Mean! I wanna watch the world burn Who wrote this? Who wrote this? I wanna make the world turn So mean! I wanna watch the world burn!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"y/n you were in les misérables too"

"yes I played fantine which was amazing but it hit hard you know it was very much touching

There was a time when men were kind When their voices were soft And their words inviting There was a time when love was blind And the world was a song And the song was exciting There was a time

Then it all went wrong

I dreamed a dream in times gone by When hope was high and a life worth living I dreamed, that love would never die I dreamed that Go

d would be forgiving Then I was young and unafraid And dreams were made and used and wasted There was no ransom to be paid No song unsung, no wine untasted

But the tigers come at night With their voices soft as thunder As they tear your hope apart As they turn your dream to shame He slept a summer by my side He filled my days with endless wonder He took my childhood in his stride But he was gone when autumn came And still, I dream he'll come to me That we will live the years together But there are dreams that cannot be And there are storms we cannot weather I had a dream my life would be So different from this hell I'm living So different now from what it seemed Now life has killed the dream I dreamed

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

"that literally just made me get tears in my eyes," James says as he points to his eyes

we laugh and talk for some time when the thing I have dreaded the most comes up

"so y/n I have to ask you this because everyone wants to know encluding me"

"oh no gosh I know what it is already"

"are you dating tom holland"

"oh god Tom and I are just good friends"

"really because your two have been spotted a lot of times holding hands"

"friends do that"

"sure"

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

"Regina George is the queen bee

She's always dressed up She always wins Spring Fling Queen We're just drones that work for her And then die"James says as he turns on the radio

"My name is Regina George

And I am a massive deal Fear me, love me Stand and stare at me And these, these are real I've got money and looks I am, like, drunk with power This whole school Humps my leg like a chihuahua the prettiest poison you've ever seen I never weigh more than one-fifteen My name is Regina George And I am a massive deal I don't care who you are I don't care how you feel"

-------------------------------------------------------------------

"so y/n, let's get a little serious"

"yes" I say

"in this song, you sing 'i never weigh more than 115' but you said something in a video that Regina doesn't have to be that and that you aren't and i found that amazing"

"thank you I really don't think that she has to be that and I am not and will never be near that and I'm proud of that you should be proud of how you look"

"I love that. you're also in a musical right now hamilton"

"yes I am in England"

"so any plans for what you are going to do after hamilton"

"yes but it's a secret for now

"Okay but you play one of the Schuyler sisters"

"yes I play Eliza"

"and you're amazing in it I saw it some time ago and I love it as I wrote to you"

"it still warms my heart"

"but my biggest dream is being in hamilton but as one of the Schuyler sisters"

"mmm-hmm" I laugh

"I wanna be angelica"

"you can be James"

There's nothing rich folks love more Than going downtown and slumming it with the poor They pull up in their carriages and gawk at the students in the common Just to watch 'em talk

Take Philip Schuyler, the man is loaded Uh oh, but little does he know that His daughters, Peggy, Angelica, Eliza Sneak into the city just to watch all the guys at

Work, work

Angelica!

Work, work

Eliza!

And Peggy!

Work, work

The Schuyler sisters

Angelica!

Peggy!

Eliza!

Work!

Daddy said to be home by sundown

Daddy doesn't need to know

Daddy said not to go downtown

Like I said, you're free to go

But—look around, look around The revolution's happening in New York

New York

Angelica

Work!

It's bad enough Daddy wants to go to war

People shouting in the square

It's bad enough there'll be violence on our shore

New ideas in the air

Look around, look around

Angelica, remind me what we're looking for

She's looking for me!

Eliza, I'm looking for a mind at work (work, work) I'm looking for a mind at work (work, work) [x2] Woa-oah

Woa-oah

Work!

Ooh, there's nothing like summer in the city Someone in a rush next to someone lookin' pretty Excuse me, miss, I know it's not funny But your perfume smells like your daddy's got money Why you slummin' in the city in your fancy heels? You searchin' for an urchin who can give you ideals?

Burr, you disgust me

Ahh, so you've discussed me I'm a trust fund, baby, you can trust me

I've been reading Common Sense by Thomas Paine So men say that I'm intense or I'm insane You want a revolution? I want a revelation So listen to my declaration:

"We hold these truths to be self-evident That all men are created equal"

And when I meet Thomas Jefferson (unh!) I'mma compel him to include women in the sequel

Work!

Look around, look around at how Lucky we are to be alive right now Look around, look around at how Lucky we are to be alive right now

History is happening in Manhattan and we

Just happen to be in the greatest city in the world In the greatest city in the world!

---------------------------------

"All my dreams just came true," James says as I laugh at his comment "okay now time for something a little different"

"oh gosh," I say "what is it"

"we're going to take a lie detector test"

"nooo"

after some time I'm all strapped up while a man is on a computer checking whether I speak the truth or not

"okay let's start out by some to test if it works"

"okay"

"is your name Y/n"

"yes"

"true"

"are you currently in hamilton"

"yes"

"true"

"did you play Regina George"

"yes"

"she's telling the truth"

"Great let's start easy so...Y/n"

"yes"

"Which one of your castmates is your favourite"

"Barrett"

"true"

"great, y/n am I your favourite host"

"oh absolutely"

"true"

"yes you had to get that right, okay this one is the best one are you dating tom holland"

shit

"no"

"lie"

"YES I KNEW IT I KNEW IT OMG YES" he smiles

"no that's the truth," I say

"you can't lie on accident"

"well fuck me then"

"how long"

"not long"

"lie"

"okay five years almost"

"WHAT," James says in shock

"I'm sorry we just didn't want our relationship the get ruined by hate"

"five years"

"yeah"

"When were you going to tell everyone when you had seven kids"

"haha no I don't know when but I guess it's out now"

"well some people are going to get heartbroken, someone gets hurt"

-----------------------------

Ice queen, that's what you see It's what they all expect from me But it's all show Face it, you used me You saw the sexy clothes My supermodel pose But did you know?Was I a game to you? Was I way to be cool? I truly cared Was I the fool? It's fine for you It's fine to flirt It's fine 'Till someone gets hurt 'Till someone gets hurt

----------------------------------

"Y/n it was amazing to have you here"

"it was amazing to be here James, even tho I now have to go home to Tom and tell him the news, gosh this is so fucked"

"wait you guys live together too"

"bye James" I run out the door

--------------------------------

"Baby I'm home" I smile

"hi love," Tom says as he walks over to me and kisses me, gosh I missed him

"I missed you," I say

"I missed you"

"you love me right"

"more than anything my - wait what did you do"

"well"

[yeeharley]

day one: next to me by sleeping at last / childhood friends / musicians au

⭒

The inside of the bar is musty and overcrowded, filled to the brim with customers far beyond its capacity. There are people perched on the arms of couches, atop the bar itself, sitting right on top of each other’s laps- which definitely looks far too uncomfortable to Harry, but hey. None of his business, really.

If he’s being totally honest, he’s uncomfortable with this for so many reasons other than lap-sitting. He hadn’t even really wanted to go, but when Flash and Betty had asked him and pushed every time he’d said no, he simply hadn’t had the strength to refuse.

Betty was wonderfully persuasive when she wanted to be, and Flash’s argument had been so convincing: it’s your twenty-first birthday, Osborn, and your pop’s in jail, and you’re fuckin’ CEO of your own billion-dollar company. What else is gonna get you in a celebratin’ mood?

Hm. Not this, definitely. Harry doesn’t think he’s ever felt less interested in celebrating.

God, you’re such an idiot. Shouldn’t have ever let them convince you.

Flash and Betty have, by this point, all but abandoned him; they’re over at the bar joking with some long-legged blond guy that Harry’s never met, and he’s managed to shove himself into a cramped, humid corner so that they can’t change that and introduce him. The glass in his hand (he has no idea what it is and definitely isn’t interested in putting it in his mouth) has long since warmed to room temperature.

Harry watches from the shadows for a few minutes, eyes fixed on Flash and Betty as the former jokingly shoves the blond man into a nearby barstool and knocks it over. The resulting crash is enough to turn a few heads and dim the noise, but nobody seems to care very much and conversation picks up again before Harry can help pick up the fallen chair.

He’s never really been into places like this. His entire life, Harry had been reminded that he was built for corner offices and board meetings and marble mansions.

This place is all strobing lights and loud laughter and happy people. Carefree.

Sometimes, he wishes he could loosen up enough to actually enjoy his life.

Harry’s just about to tell Flash and Betty that he’s taking himself home instead of playing designated driver when the overhead lights shut off and a flickering white beam fixes itself on the raised platform a few feet to his right- a stage, equipped with curtains on the sides and everything.

What kind of music do people even play in hole-in-the-wall places like this? Country? If Harry has to listen to country music, the police will never find Flash and Betty’s bodies. It’ll be a Buzzfeed Unsolved case in twenty years. He’s going to drain their bank accounts and move back to France.

Harry takes a sip of his lukewarm, barely-identifiable drink (beer, watered down beyond measure and proof that Flash doesn’t have taste buds) as the bartender shouts out a band name that he doesn’t recognize and can barely hear over the roar of the crowd. He watches, silent and tucked away in his little nook, as a microphone is set out and a girl with coily hair drags a drumset out of the wings. The blond man from earlier follows, climbing up onto the stage and flashing a Colgate-white smile out at the crowd before strapping a guitar over his shoulders.

Acoustic, Harry thinks. He doesn’t really know, though- when he had asked his father if he could learn to play something or take voice lessons, Norman had given him a concrete no and that had been that.

Dream down the drain.

Just like that.

Harry looks back to the stage, eyes half-lidded. The warm air of the room has him yawning and leaning up against the wall- honestly, he could probably fall asleep right here, right now, and not have any trouble.

That problem dissolves when the lead singer steps out from behind the curtain and into the spotlight. Harry spits his mouthful of lukewarm beer into his cup, eyes wide, suddenly very much awake, because he knows this man.

Dark curls, honey-and-coffee eyes, an ear-to-ear, genuine smile that puts a little dimple into his left cheek- yeah, they’ve both grown, but Harry would recognize Peter Parker no matter how much time passed.

His smile hasn’t changed a bit.

The rest of him has, a traitorous little voice in the back of his mind whispers. He pushes it down with a little squeak (nobody hears). Tries to ignore the buzzing heat in the basin of his stomach.

It’s kind of difficult to ignore the voice when it’s right, though. Even if he probably shouldn’t be checking out a guy he hasn’t seen since high school.

Peter is taller, now, probably about Harry’s height- he had always been three or four inches shorter, when they were younger. The black tank top he’s wearing doesn’t leave anything to the imagination, either- the amount of muscle cording his arms and shoulders is a far cry from the thin, wiry ones that he had wrapped around Harry’s waist before he’d been sent off to France in eleventh grade.

Peter secures the strap of a bass guitar (he plays bass, God, that’s so hot) around his neck before leaning into the microphone, wrapping his hands around the stand. He tilts it towards full, pink lips, smiles at the crowd, winks at the bartender.

Harry thinks he might actually faint.

“Evening, New York,” Peter croons, lips so close to the mic that he’s practically kissing it. 

His Queens accent has thickened considerably in the past four or five years, and normally Harry doesn’t think of Queens accents as attractive, but on Peter? Whoa.

Maybe he wants Peter to be kissing him instead of that microphone.

Whoa, okay, little voice. Calm the fuck down. 

The crowd shouts back a greeting, voices commingled to the point where it can’t be made out, and Harry finds himself shouting out a half-hearted “Hey” that gets lost in the roar.

Peter smiles again, this time bigger, like he’s feeding off of the enthusiasm of his audience. He strums a single chord on his guitar, mellow and soft, and that sets everyone off again. Harry claps. Tells himself it’s because everyone else is clapping.

There isn’t any more fanfare- no speeches, introductions, nothing. Peter steps back, bracing his fingers against the frets at the top of the neck of his guitar, and plucks out a few short notes; Harry nearly falls over with his surpise.

Seven Nation Army. He and Peter had loved that song. Played it on Harry’s car radio when he first learned how to drive, flying through backroads in the New York countryside, Peter whooping away in the passenger seat, Harry pulling hairpin turns with all the flair of a professional racecar driver.

The blond man joins in a few measures later, and Harry’s never thought of acoustic guitar as an instrument that you could play rock on, but he seems to make it work- with Peter’s bass guitar and the girl in the back on the drums, his gentle strumming seems to work perfectly. He starts humming out the tune into his own mic, and Harry watches, dumbfounded, as Peter (he can sing, he can sing) belts out the first line with that soft, careful voice.

It’s perfect. Buttery and mellow, blending together with the guitars and drums in a way that Harry finds unnecessarily attractive. Peter’s voice is beautiful, perfectly in tune, like sunshine and fields of daisies and wow, he’s so gone.

He finds himself pushing through the crowd from his spot in the corner, making his way to the front so that he’s just in front of the stage- in front of him- staring up, up, up at gently-closed eyes and frizzy curls. Elbows hit his sides, people sway against him, but for the first time in a long time, Harry doesn’t care.

He sees the minute Peter notices him, staring up at him from the crowd. It’s a quick realization- his friend’s eyes flicker down, widen, and suddenly he’s smiling, missing a beat, just a little bit behind.

Peter gets back on top of it pretty quickly.

His eyes never leave Harry, though. They stare straight into his soul, accompanied with that toothy little grin of his. Peter’s voice seems different, now, invigorated. Brighter and louder.

Harry leans forward, elbows propped up on the stage, and stares.

And Peter stares back.

And it feels like he’s singing for him.

Harry listens, enraptured, as Peter and his little band play their way through a little discography of their own, then Hozier, then some songs he doesn’t recognize. He doesn’t once take his eyes off of the boy at the microphone. The boy at the microphone doesn’t once take his eyes off of him.

The concert ends too quickly, and Peter, the blond man, and the drummer all bid the crowd a good night before slipping off of the stage and into the wings. Harry waits, dejected, as nobody re-enters the stage. He knows Peter saw him- does he not want to come out an say hi?

Does he not want to be Harry’s friend any more?

You want to be more than friends.

Harry turns and pushes his way through the throng of people, trying to ignore the tears stinging in his eyes. That rush of happiness from earlier has long since faded into some kind of bitter sadness- is he not good enough for Peter Parker? Well, apparently so.

He’s halfway to the door when a heavy hand lands on his shoulder and stops him in his tracks. Expecting to see Flash or Betty, Harry whirls around, ready to chew his captors out for dragging him somewhere he regrets having ever agreed to.

But it’s not Flash, and it’s not Betty.

Peter grins at him, eyes sparkling in the low light of the bar, and lifts the hand not on Harry’s shoulder to wiggle his fingers in a little wave.

“Hey, Har,” he murmurs, winking his left eye like the absolute dork that he’s always been.

Harry wordlessly raises his own hand and nods. He can feel his jaw working, a fish out of water, making an idiot out of himself in front of this insanely attractive boy.

“Wanna go get a drink?” Peter asks. He’s smiling- doesn’t look weirded out by Harry’s lack of a response at all.

Harry nods, smiling a bit as Peter reaches down to take his hand and leads him over to the bar, offering to pay for both of their drinks.

Maybe this wasn’t so much of a mistake after all.

[chyrstis]

FC5 GFH Tag!

@sharky-broshaw​ and @shellibisshe​​ were lovely enough to tag me to see what my Dep would say as a formal FC5 Gun For Hire, and after spending most of the day thinking this over instead of writing, I think I’ve mostly nailed her down! ;)

Deputy Hana Vao

With Fangs for Hire

Boomer: “Whoa there, buddy! Aren’t you a sweetheart? God, I...I really wish Rae-Rae were here to say hi to you too, and see how good of a boy you’re being.”

Peaches: “I’m a cat person. I’m not a hundred percent sure it extends to being a big cat person, but I’m willing to try.” / *in a ridiculous voice while sneaking through the brush* “Who’s an adorable murder machine, yes, you are!”

Cheeseburger: “Whoever decided it’d be entirely possible and plausible for me to spend my free time hanging out with a bear, I’d like to give the biggest high-five to, because this? This is really fucking awesome.” / “I’ve always wondered if I’d have the chance to meet a local celebrity, and now I’ve met two! What are the odds of that?”

With other Guns for Hire

Sharky

*after inviting him* “Oh, now it’s a party.”

“So, apparently karaoke night at the Spread Eagle used to be a thing. You’ve been holding out on me! *both start trading stories about signature songs they used to pick, until they both settle on one and start singing along to it* *some of it’s good, most of it isn’t*

*after a fight* “That was the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever seen in my life. Do it again.” / “Hey, Shark? How about you dial it back a little next time? It kind of got a little too close for comfort there.”

“You know what they say about any big bads, right?” *along with Sharky* “If it bleeds, we can kill it! *laughs* God, you’re the best.”

Grace

“Hey, Grace? I know you mentioned last time that I really need to work on the whole sneaking, and being quiet, and-” “Not throwing a block of C4 at every problem you see?” “...Shit. I knew I might’ve forgotten something. Let me get back to you on that.”

“Grace? If I offered you twenty dollars to shoot [a hat off of a scarecrow, a can off of a fence, the helmet off of a Peggie, etc]. Would you do it?” *Grace asks if she’s that willing to go broke* “Maybe. I still think that would be pretty cool to see.”

Hurk

*calls Hana Ms. V* “Hurk! I thought we agreed not to go with that one!” *he throws out a slew of nicknames each one more absurd than the last* “...Um, okay. Maybe that one’s not so bad after all.”

“Hey, I have to ask. What’s with the chimps?”

*calls Hana Depu-Vee and pretends to relay a top-secret message* Hurk, hon. We’re face to face. I’m looking right at you. We don’t need codenames right now.

Adelaide

“I...that’s definitely a description I never thought I’d ever hear. Or visualize.”

“Okay, so I’m only going to say this once, but...” *speaks at a mile a minute* “Fuck John, Marry Faith, and Kill Jacob, and there’s nothing left for Joseph, so just fuck him in general. Done and done.”

Nick

“I swear to God, if you ever ask me to fly Carmina again I’m going to crash her. Not on purpose, I’m just that damn bad at it, so please. I beg of you, don’t.”

“How’s Kim doing? If you two need anything at all, don’t hesitate to give me a call.”

Jess

“Jesus, you’re a hell of a shot. Shooting an apple off of someone’s head would probably be nothing, huh?” *Jess asks if she’s volunteering* “It’s not that you aren’t a badass, because you totally are, but you know how some ideas look fun at first pass, but are probably a disaster in the making? That? That would be one of them.”

In Combat

Seeing an enemy: “You got eyes on them?”

Sneaking:*snaps a twig* “Shit! ...Um, shit. Sorry.”

Killing an enemy: "Yippee-ki-yay, motherfucker!” / *if you score the hit* “Holy shit, that was a shot!”

Reviving: “It’s okay, I’ve got you. I’ve got you.” / “Hold on! Can’t have you dying on me now.”

Hurt: “Ow, motherfucker!” / “Jesus, walk it off. Just walk it off.” / *flamethrower, or Sharky* Shit! Nearly singed my hair...

Downed: “Really, really pissed that they made me bleed my own blood here.” / “Keep moving! Don’t worry about me! *pained sound* “Fuck!”

Driving

If asked to drive: “You sure? Well, buckle up and hold on tight. I promise I’ll try and be gentle.” / “God, this is really making me miss my bike.”

Reckless driving: “Jesus, now I know how Grace feels.” / “And here I thought you’d leave the stunt driving to old Clutch. I’m game if you are.”

Changing radio stations: *starts singing along if Barracuda’s playing* / *’if Oh John’ starts playing* “...Fucking asshole.” *sings an off-key, ‘bold and brave’ before making a sound of disgust*

Idle

“Hey, hon. How’re you holding up? Better than me, I hope, because I could really go for a cigarette. Might have to bum one off of Sharky the next time I see him.”

“You know, I’m not from around here. I’m from Detroit. Moved around a lot when I was young, so I don’t remember it well to begin with, but my mom took a lot of photos of it. Kept them all in a photo album for me to look at when I was older, and always told me we’d head back there someday to check them out again ourselves. ....Well, I’m about 95 percent certain that when the cult burned my apartment down, it might’ve taken that album with it. Pictures of those places. Of her. All of it up in smoke, just like that. So, here’s hoping there’ll be a Detroit left after all of this, depending on whether or not Joseph’s talking shit, or actually right. Because I’d really like to have a second chance to see all of that. And have a chance to honor her too.”

“I’m a city girl, so the silence out here is...it’s a little overwhelming. But I’d gladly take it over the sound of gunfire. This place is beautiful, and the kind of peaceful you don't really appreciate until it’s gone.”

Hard to believe I wouldn’t have ended up here at all if the Sheriff hadn’t taken a chance on me. He’ll say differently, but there’s a reason why Staci called me-calls me Rook, and why Joey always took the time to answer every single silly question I had. I didn’t have a whole lot of experience before heading here, and...they made it all worth the risk on my end too. Made me feel welcome when anyone else would’ve just shown me the door, and I’ll do damn near anything to get them back.

Location-Specific:

By any body of water: *voice pitched higher than normal* “Hey, you’re not-that’s looking pretty deep. Think I’ll um, hang close to the shore just in case.” *wanders around it, but never enters it*

At the Spread Eagle: *hanging close to either Mary May by the bar* *Mary May jokes about Hana spending more time talking to her than drinking* “Hey, I’m sparing you both the bad dancing and the bad flirting! Trust me, you don’t want to see either.” / *if by the jukebox in the back, can be found swaying to whatever’s playing*

After liberating the Radio Towers: “I really need to talk to Wheaty about getting Queen on the radio here, because we’re suffering from a real lack of that. Tell me you wouldn’t be ready and willing to kick all kinds of ass after listening to them for a bit.” / *near a Wolf Beacon while it’s blaring* “Jesus, Jacob really took a page out of every horror movie here, didn’t he? Note to self, stay far, far away from these at night.”

In the Henbane: “You want to trust your eyes. You also want to trust your ears, and every last bit of sense you’ve got, but here? You can't. And that honestly scares the shit out of me.” / “You see Faith too, don’t you? Right at the corner of your vision before you blink and she’s gone? Word of advice? Don’t approach her or talk to her. You’ll like what she has to say at first, but...not so much the wolverine taking a piece out of you afterwards.”

At Seed Ranch by the Boat Launch: *if present when Sharky drops the dingus line, she starts giggling until she snorts*

In Holland Valley: “Can you do me a favor? If you ever decide to do a little redecorating - like, say, make modifications to a giant, white three-letter sign up in the mountains - take me with you. Because pissing John off’s really what keeps me going, and lighting that ‘Yes’ sign up would be a thing of beauty.” / *later when John calls post-destruction she mouths, ‘Oh shit’ while 100% making this face:

Tagging: @amistrio @ma-sulevin @shallow-gravy​ @foofygoldfish @guileandgall​ @ofravensandgenesis​ @fadedjacket​ @seedlingsinner @teamhawkeye​ @redroci​ @risenlucifer​ @tomexraider​ @finefeatheredgamer​ @narcis-the-monk​ @scarlettkat86 @hawkfurze @raisinghellinotherworlds @fromathelastoveritaserum @shelliechen and anyone else that’s interested! I’d love to see your GFHs, so totally tag me if you do!

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #307

“you lie so much, you believe yourself”

How long has it been since you kissed someone? Like, two years or so. What level are you on Farmville? Never played it. What are you looking forward to in the next year? I hope Covid just withers away, dammit. I truly, truly hope this vaccine is effective. And that people start wearing their GODDAMN masks. Do you use a lot of emoticons? Not really nowadays. Would you ever climb a mountain? No. Even if my legs were capable of handling that, I'd be too afraid of an avalanche. Colons or equal signs for your smiley face’s eyes? Colons. When was the last time you swam in a lake? A looooong time ago. If you could have anything right now, what would you want? It'd be great to chill at Sara's house honestly, I miss that. What’s your relationship status? Single and I think finally starting to truly accept I need to be right now. I wouldn't want to date myself in my current position, so I shouldn't expect anyone else to. When was the last time someone asked you your age? On my birthday when I mentioned in group therapy that I was trying to make it an especially good day about myself. When was the last time you danced? Very, very poorly with Sara years ago lmao. Has anyone ever tried to physically fight you? Someone snatched my arm and yanked me down to look her in the eyes in HS because she was a jealous bitch back then telling lies, but idk if her intention was to actually try to start a physical fight. Are you avoiding someone? No. What’s your favorite primary color? Red. What do you have pierced? Just my ears and bottom lip now. :/ I want morrrreeee. I'm forever tilted that so many of my piercings closed when I was hospitalized. What is your favorite dog breed? I find pugs to be very cute, but I do not support their breeding whatsoever so would never buy one. Besides them, I have a definite bias towards beagles. In your honest opinion, what is the scariest sea creature you know? Fucking Christ, giant squids. Terrifying. Do you believe there is just one love for everyone, or…? No. There are way, way, WAY too many people on this planet for that. What natural disaster scares you the most? Tornados. What outrageous career could you see yourself wanting to do? Define an "outrageous" career... but I can't visualize myself doing anything very unordinary. In what way would you want to help change the world? I truly hope I can make some considerable amount of contributions to natural conservation and animal education. When driving down the road looking for an address do you turn the radio low? I don't drive, but I know I would, considering I can't concentrate on driving if the radio is on anyway. What do you think of when you look at the stars? How little I and my problems really are. It gives me perspective. If you could say ONE THING to the president, what would it be? Well, Biden just got into office, so I can't really say yet. We'll see what he does. What Disney princess are you most like? Personality wise, I mean. Uh. I'unno. Maybe Snow White because animals? haha Do you believe in astrology? Not in the slightest. Do you look into people’s eyes when you talk to them? I try to, anyway, but I tend to find it very uncomfortable, and I never know if I'm offering too little or too much. So I have trouble maintaining it, especially with people I don't know. You can have one of the following two things: trust or love. Pick one. Trust. What do you think is the most important thing in this life is? Hm, that's a deep one. Perhaps the understanding that you are just as important as the next person and that we should work as one to make this one life that we know of worthwhile. Make the world better than when you entered it. What is your favorite shade of blue? Pastel blue. I just like pastels in general. When's the last time you bought something just because? I don't buy things "just because." If I actually have money to spend, I use it with motivation behind it. What Ozzy lyric describes you best? WHOA NOW HUNNY you are asking the WRONG person because I can just about name his entire discography so there are waaaay too many song lyrics to dig through and pick one for myself. Probably something from "Dreamer," after a short moment's consideration. When was the last time you went for a walk without a specific destination in mind? Not since Sara and I walked down the path near her house. We didn't plan on when we would turn around to go back. Do you daydream? Only all the time. What was your last daydream about? Ha, thanks to that other question, visiting Sara again. It'd be nice, but yeah, financial limitations and corona. Ever won the lottery? Bitch I wish. What was the most important decision you made that screwed up your life the most? Ugh... I'd say putting all my self-worth, happiness, and source of peace into one person was pretty big but also fucking stupid. What is love really about? Don't ask a romantic this and expect a non-essay, haha. But to keep it as short as possible, it's about mutual care, the desire to grow together, trust, openness, the peace to be vulnerable with the other... It's about a lot. It's such a deep, beautiful feeling. What's the most you ever made in a year? lol Do you have an online diary? Only through surveys, really. What's the biggest pot you've won in poker? I haven't played poker since I was a kiddo, so idr. What Metallica lyric most describes your life? Who wrote this and knows my favorite bands????? Like damn. There's a good handful of the sadder songs I relate to; I did some brief digging through ones I know I relate to, and perhaps the one I feel closest is within "The Unforgiven II": "The door is locked now, but it's open if you're true. If you can understand the me, then I can understand the you." Aaaand now I'm gonna go binge Metallica 'cuz it's been too long, thanks. How many concerts have you been to? Just one. :/ Which one was your favorite? I've only seen Alice Cooper, and it was great. What's the most illegal thing you've done? Pirated stuff, oops. Ever get busted by the cops? What for? No. How many pairs of rollerblades do/did you own? I doubt I have any anymore. Ever wear out a CD? What was it? Ahaha... There is some scratching on my mom's copy of Ozzmosis thanks to me playing it so much on my old CD player. Ever have a tornado in your town? Well my city is pretty damn big, so yes, in some spots. I don't think my immediate proximity has ever seen one, though. If you HAD to pick ONE song to listen to for the rest of your life, and that would be the only song you ever heard, what would it be? I would absolutely need something motivating if that was the case, so most likely "Life Won't Wait" by Ozzy Osbourne. That song touches me so deeply and gives me the courage to do what I can to tackle life and try not to waste it. I know, I'm doing a great job at that. Ever heard of Shinedown? Hell yeah; I was actually listening to them in the car earlier. What does your lawn furniture consist of? We have nothing out there. Ever live off of canned soup and ramen noodles for weeks at a time? Er, no. But when I got my tongue pierced, I had to survive off of popsicles and... I somehow forgot the main thing I ate???? How?????? But anyway it was something that didn't involve much or any chewing, either. I actually lost a little bit of weight in that week or so because eating solids was impossible, and I didn't enjoy "eating" liquids either. That piercing (snake eyes, btw) was soooo so cute tho. I really wish it hadn't started to damage my teeth, or else I'd still have it. What musical group/artist do you love, but hide from other people? I used to be kinda embarrassed by artists like Melanie Martinez when you compare her music to my adoration of metal, but at my age now, I don't give a damn. I like what I like and won't hide it. What is the first meal you remember eating? ... Does anyone actually remember this??? What's in your keepsake box/scrapbook? Good God, a lot. I haven't looked in it in a very, very long time though. It brings a usually painful nostalgia. What did you score on your SATs? I don't even remember if I took them. I THINK I took the ACT instead? I don't even know the difference. When was the last time you saw a rainbow? Hm. Been a while. It's not like I'm out of the house a lot, especially nowadays with quarantine. What colors is your lava lamp? I wish I had a lava lamp, they're rad and really relaxing. What's the strangest thing you've ever hung on the wall? Nothing, really. Can you name every place you've ever had sex? I mean I can but I'm not going to. What's the most important thing you ever lost and never found again? My favorite childhood cat Charcoal. He was an outdoor and intact male, so it was very normal for him to eventually vanish to rove. Please keep your cats indoors. What forms of birth control have you used? The pill and, uh, having "barriers." How many webpages have you created, and can you still find them all? I made Wetpaint sites for my two RP mobs back in the day, but the site has since been completely revised, so no, they don't exist anymore. I checked outta curiosity I think last year. How many people are in your family portrait? We don't even have a proper family portrait. Ever punched a wall? No. When's the last time you really lost your temper? In some argument with Mom I don't remember. Ever thought you (or a girlfriend) were pregnant, but it was a false alarm? I had massive anxiety over it once, but it was irrational and even I knew that. Not that anxiety cares. If 97 is yes, were you glad or sad? I was very glad when my period came lmao. What was the last conversation you had with someone before they died? When I saw my grandma for the last time, I just let her know that I loved her and that she was so, so strong, and she was. No one could believe how long she warded death off when she finally stopped chemo. What do your drinking glasses look like? We have some more unique cups and mugs, but the majority of them are just plain, slightly angular glasses, some short, some tall. How many bottles/containers are in your medicine cabinet? Oh wow, a lot. We're covered for most potential problems. How many funerals have you been to? Uhhh I think one. Maybe even none, just wakes. What was the last bug you killed and what did you use? An ant, I think? I just used my fingers. How many computers in your household? There are three laptops, but no desktop computers. Ever help to solve a crime? There was one occasion years ago when our neighbor's window was busted overnight and cops came to us to ask for any evidence we might have had, but we didn't have any. Idk what came of it. Ever get pulled over by the cops and get away without a ticket? I've never been pulled over. What was your first legal alcoholic drink? I think it was a margarita, but possibly a daquiri. Ever get published by one of those poetry groups? I fucking wish. I've tried, but to no avail. What's the furthest distance you've moved? Not very far at all. Just to the neighboring town. How many friends from high school/college do you still talk to? Only a few now and then. Girt is the only one I have real conversations with, though. What's the most expensive things your parents ever bought you? Probably the laptop I have right now, but idk. I've never asked how much things they've bought me cost, it seems rude somehow. What's the most expensive thing you've bought? The upcoming revamp of my tattoo. Deposit was $100, and then it's probably going to be another $300-400. I can't afford it all myself; as my birthday gift, Mom is helping me pay for it, but I've got most of it covered thanks to Christmas and birthday money. How many times did you intentionally start to commit suicide? Start to do it? Well, I was trying to run for sharp objects to do it twice, but on each occasion, someone held me back 'cuz they knew I was about to do something rash, so I didn't get very far, thankfully. The only time I fully went through with an attempt was my OD. Ever spent the night in the "loony bin?" How fucking disrespectful to call it that, but whatever. If you put all the instances together, I've been in psych hospitals for around a couple months, maybe more. What is your favorite cover song? Disturbed's cover of "Sound of Silence" is absolutely unbeatable. I'd just about call it a cold hard fact. What's your inspiration? Other's success stories, music, art in general, etc. What's the longest relationship you've been in? Over 3 1/2 years. Did you ever drop out of school? I dropped out of college three times, yikes. Three times is enough; even if I think I want to, I'm never going back. That is just way too much money to keep throwing down the drain, and there's clearly a pattern. Ever raise a child that wasn't your own for more than 3 months? I've never raised a kid period. Strangest medical procedure ever performed on you? Look up what a pilonidal cyst is and know I had one surgically removed. Pretty strange and uncomf. Song that has changed your attitude recently? None, really. What's something that you say a lot to be mean? ... Why would I try to be mean??? Who told you they loved you last? Me mum. Ever had a pet frog? Not technically, no, but as kids, my sister, neighbor, and I saved hundreds, maybe thousands of tadpole eggs from a ditch that was inevitably going to dry out. We transferred them all to a kiddie pool and let them grow naturally, hopping out and into the world whenever they were ready. I wouldn't call them "pets." Your worst enemy? IT'S NO SURPRIIIISE TO MEEEE I AAAAMMM MY OWN WORST ENEMYYYYY Do you believe in karma? No, but I wish it was a thing. What was the last hurtful thing you said to someone? I'm not sure. I certainly try to avoid doing so. Do you love someone enough you'd die for them? There's multiple people. The last song you listened to? I wasn't joking when I said I was gonna go on a Metallica spree, haha. "Of Wolf and Man" is on rn. Your most favorite memory as a kid? Too many, man. If you had the choice to work or not, would you work? Yes. I need something to do that benefits others in one way or another. Ever TRULY wanted to kill someone? I can't say for sure, if I'm being totally transparent. When I found out about Jason's gf after me, I can say with certainty I wanted her dead beyond dead, but I don't know if I wanted to kill her, per se. Just to clarify, no, I don't wish any negativity upon her now. I was certifiably insane before and certainly don't think I am anymore, so... Marvel or DC? I don't care. Do you watch anime subbed or dubbed? Both. I prefer dubbed, BUT only if the voice acting isn't insufferable. I like dubbed just because for me, it's very distracting to have to keep looking down at subtitles. How often do you exercise? I don't... I'm still waiting for Mom to move into her actual room versus the living room couch so I can do WiiFit with some privacy. I'm too uncomfortable to exercise in front of anyone. What is your favorite book series? Warriors will forever have a very special place in my heart. What is your favorite OTP? I will probably ship Rhett and Link for my entire life. Their friendship is truly incredible and so so SOOOOOOO cute. Who is your favorite Harry Potter character? I've never seen the series, actually.

[lia-jones]

Growing Stronger - Chapter Nine - Wild Goose Chase

I was in awe as I drove my car through the open Iron gates of Magnolia State, the venue where Diane and Goldman would be married. The enormous garden surrounding the inn and the ballroom was filled with magnolia trees, covered in blue, pink, or white flowers sparkling beautifully as the sunshine kissed the morning dew. Magnolia State was in a small fishing town located 60 miles south of Loveland called Southbay, which had suddenly bloomed when it turned to tourism. The town was lovely, keeping its old traditions visible in their restored buildings, and with a beautiful boardwalk that led to the town’s pride and joy, the Watcher, a gigantic lighthouse that stood imponent in a bed of rocks.

We would be staying at Magnolia State for the whole weekend. On Saturday we would have the rehearsal dinner and on Sunday, the wedding and the reception, which meant Diane and I had to arrive early in the morning to make some last-minute preparations for the big weekend. We took our bags to our rooms, agreeing to meet at the chapel, where the wedding planner would be waiting for us. When I arrived, Diane was waiting for me, along with Goldman and… Victor.

“We have a problem.” Goldman announced as I arrived. “Diane forgot her tiara at home.”

“I’m so very sorry.” Diane was mortified. “I made a list and everything. I simply don’t know how I could have forgotten it. Can you please go back and pick it up? Here are the keys to my apartment. It’s on a box on top of my dresser.”

“Andrea’s probably tired, she just drove an hour here. I can go if you don’t mind.” Victor offered.

“You drove for an hour too. Aren’t you tired as well?” I frowned.

“I have an idea, Why don’t you both go?” Diane smiled. “You can take turns driving, keep each other awake.”

“It’s ok, I can go on my own. I’m not that tired.” I objected.

“Your dark circles say otherwise. I bet you haven’t been sleeping at all. You are not going alone.” Victor ordered. “Either you go with me or you don’t go at all.”

I didn’t appreciate his mothering attitude, but after the mess we made at Diane’s house, I wasn’t going to start a fight.

“Sure, let’s go then.” I took the keys from Diane’s hand.

“Good. Anything else you need, Diane?” Victor asked. Diane beamed at us.

“No, that’s all. Take your time, have lunch on the way. We don’t want any of you driving too fast.”

Victor was adamant in taking his car, asserting it was the most comfortable, and that he wouldn’t risk being stranded on the highway due to mechanical problems. In short, he was saying my car was a lemon. I agreed, not wanting to start a fight, but mostly because, if it did happen, it wouldn’t be the first time my car gave me grief.

I kept silent at first, not knowing what to say. Yes, we had agreed we’d be friends, but it was still awkward. The only conversation starters I could remember could also lead to an argument. He must have felt the same awkwardness, because he turned on his radio, the sound of a piano filling the emptiness in the car.

“Debussy?”

“Clair de Lune.” He completed. “Do you like it?”

“I love it. Although I find it a bit sad.”

“It’s not as joyful as most of Mozart’s pieces, but I wouldn’t call it sad either.” Victor frowned.

“I don’t know. Maybe it was how my teacher explained it to me. He told me to imagine the moon shining over a gazebo. The moonlight loves everything it can find at said gazebo, the potted flowers, the pillars where children hide, the bench were lovers sit, but it can only touch it, it can not have it. All the moonlight can do is to dance around then and magnify their beauty, evoke the feelings that come from them, but they will never belong to the moon, just like they don’t belong to the sun. They can only be touched and admired, close and yet distant. I was a teenager at the time, and was in love with a boy, and I somehow related the song to that. Lovers that can only love, but not have.”

Victor was silent for a while, a slight furrow on his brow, probably holding that mental picture while he listened closely to the music. After a while, his poker face was back on.

“Your teacher is an idiot.” He shortly concluded. I laughed.

“Well, it’s subjective. How do you see it?”

“The moon is up, shining upon a house. The garden is blooming and taken care of, the house is clean and cozy as the moonlight comes through the window, the children are in bed, sleeping soundly. The parents are by the fireplace, holding hands and smiling, as their intimacy requires no words. And lovers outside kiss, as a young couple in love should. And the moonlight oversees it, blesses it. Everything is as it should be. Peaceful and happy.” I noticed a shine in his eyes as he spoke. It seemed he had given this a lot of thought.

“So… Bliss?” I smiled softly.

“Yes.” He glanced at me briefly. “Not that nonsense your teacher taught you.”

I sank in my seat, allowing my tired body to relax. Victor was right, I hadn’t been sleeping at all, I spent the last two weeks focusing on nothing but work, which was actually a good distraction from… other things.

“Want to close your eyes for a minute? You don’t need to keep me company.” Victor offered.

“No, it’s okay. I’m just a bit sluggish, a coffee will fix it.” I said, sitting straight.

“Have you been working too hard? You need to stay sharp if you want good results. You can’t reach the excellence you seek if you’re too tired to think.” Victor reprimanded me.

“It’s an adaptation period, I think. We grew up too fast all of a sudden. Not that I’m complaining, but now I have three times more partners, and meetings, and reports. Some of them are established overseas, so I need to travel…” I trailed off.

“You’re doing all that by yourself? You’ll bleed yourself dry. You need to delegate some of those responsibilities. And you need an assistant. You surely have the budget for one.” He frowned, slightly annoyed.

“Haven’t you listened? I barely have the time to sleep, let alone read resumes and have interviews.”

“Make the time. You can’t afford to let yourself spread thin like that, you need to take care of yourself.” He paused, seemingly frustrated. “Do I have to call the Dean and take care of it myself?”

“Whoa, call Olive? No! Look, I’m sure you are worried about your investment, but I already told you this is just an adaptation-”

“God damn it, Andrea!” Victor’s voice echoed loud in the car. “Did I say anything about the investment? I don’t care about the investment, I care ABOUT YOU!”

I visibly shrank in my seat, surprised with Victor’s explosion. After a few minutes of silence, the audible thing being Victor’s deep breaths as he tried to steady himself, he spoke again, his voice softer.

“It doesn’t come as a surprise to you that I care, right?”

I remained silent, unsure of what to answer.

“I am aware that I might have said or done some things that could lead you to believe otherwise, but I do care. Andrea, I always will. Apart or together, it makes no difference. I will always care. Got it?”

“Yes.” I managed to say. “I care about you too. We’re friends.”

His eyes remained on the road ahead, shiny with some emotion I couldn’t recognize.

There was a feeling of unvoiced truths lingering between us. Or maybe I was the one having things that I was yet to voice. I wasn’t sure, so I decided to keep silent until the trip was over. I was so determined to forget Victor and move on with my life, I did such a great job pointing out all the flaws in our relationship to convince myself I couldn’t go back again, yet all that effort slowly crumbled each time I saw him. The barriers I had built to protect my heart to break any further fell one by one, and were replaced by love and longing, an urge to have him in my arms a second time.

If I could turn back time, if I had just one more chance, I wouldn’t have walked away. If I had one more chance, I wouldn’t be scared, I would’ve fought by his side, against the media, his father, my jealousy, his past that haunted us. All those things that sounded so painful at that time, meant nothing now that I knew the pain of not having him. Not having him was the worse pain in the world. And I had gone through pain enough to last me ten lifetimes.

He cared, but the damage had been done. I had broken his heart. I knew I was already in a different category in Victor’s mental shelves, as he never allowed anyone to hurt him twice. I wrapped my heart with that truth and focused on the window, and the world that seemed to pass us by.

“Andrea.” I felt a hand on my shoulder, squeezing it softly. “We’re here.”

I opened my eyes, confused. I had fallen asleep without even noticing. Victor’s trained eyes were on me.

“Okay, let’s go.” I said, grabbing my purse to find Diane’s keys. “Let’s get that tiara.”

But as we got into her apartment, going straight into her bedroom, we found no box. I called Diane.

“I can’t see a box here. Do you think it can be in some other place?” I looked around.

“Oh no, Andy…” Diane had a grimace in her voice. “I completely forgot. The tiara is in the store for polishing… They will deliver it today.”

“You mean we came all this way for nothing?!?” I almost screamed. “Diane!”

“I’m sorry, It’s just my bridal brain. Hey, take your time, come whenever you are ready.”

“Bridal brain?” I frowned. “That only goes for pregnant women.”

“Right.” Diane quickly dismissed me. “See you later. Don’t come rushing!”

“Wild goose chase?” Victor frowned slightly as I hung up.

“Wild goose chase.” I sighed, frustrated.

Once back in the car, we fell silent again. It reminded me of when I starting to get to know Victor, always afraid to say the wrong thing, scared to aggravate him. But it was different now. I wasn’t quiet because I was afraid of making him mad. I just had a lot to say, and wasn’t sure if I should say anything at all. Well, I had one thing to say.

“I’m sorry.” I started.

“For what?” He glanced at me, confused.

“We never talked about it, and I’m not even sure we should but…” I paused, taking a deep breath, trying to muster the courage to finish. “The way we broke up… The way I just left. It wasn’t nice.”

Victor paused for a moment, seemingly considering my words.

“Nothing about it was nice. I am at fault too.”

“I was the one who left and never came back. Like you said, I abandoned you. You didn’t deserve that.” I felt my eyes start to water. Keep it together, Andrea. “Not to mention the fact that I slapped you. I mean, I’m a former victim of abuse and my go-to reaction is to smack you? How twisted is that? You must hate me for that. I would hate me.”

“I don’t hate you.” Victor’s voice was assertive. “In your defense, I said some horrible things too. I was so infuriated by the whole situation, my father, the media, the university. I just wanted to win the fight. I never even considered I was hurting you in the process. It was only when you reacted that I fully understood what I was doing.” Victor paused to let out a ragged breath. “I deserved that slap.”

“Don’t say that.” I shook my head.

“Let me finish.” Victor gripped the wheel hard, like he needed all the strength he had to let those words come out. “I was so self-righteous, accusing you of not wanting to be in my life, when I wasn’t fully allowing you in it as well. I didn’t tell you about my kidnapping.”

“Ok, let me stop you right there.” I spoke firmly. “I am a hypocrite. Truth is, if you didn’t know about my abuse, I’m not so sure I would be so open to discuss it. Honestly, how does one go about it? Hey, let me tell you about this particularly painful event in my life that exposes all my weaknesses? I know you have a hard time talking about emotions, and that subject is as emotional as it can be.” Would I admit it? I decided on full disclosure. “I was jealous. I was jealous that there was this person that knew so much about you, that shared so many stories with you, while I was still trying to fully understand you. I felt… In comparison with all you lived with her, all we had was… nothing. Barely scratching the surface.”

“Don’t say that! Don’t underrate it, like it was some fling I had with you because I couldn’t be with someone else! What we had… It was unparalleled.”

I fell silent once again, his words sinking deep into my heart. I felt the same, certain I would never experience with anyone else what I had with Victor.

There we were, sitting in his car, driving into the distance, our feelings exposed, although I didn’t know for what end. There was clearly no hatred, but none of us would throw the rope for the other to hold on to. Maybe it was just something very good that ended, and we should be thankful for having it at all. People go through lifetimes without so much of a glimpse of what such bliss could be like.

“Why didn’t you come back?” The interrogation came with an insurmountable amount of hurt.

“We were hurting each other. It wasn’t working. We were both losing ourselves in the relationship, we were getting in all kinds of trouble with your father… Let alone the fact that I can’t have kids, Victor.” And there it was, the unvoiced truth. One of the loudest, anyway. I couldn’t give him happiness, not entirely.

Victor frowned.

“That is not a reason. Andrea, when did I ever ask you for children? I was fully aware of your condition before we started dating. It never mattered.” His voice was angry, like he was being accused unfairly.

“Maybe not now, but it would, eventually. Victor, I’ve seen you with that girl Molly, and with other children, and you are great with kids, you love kids. You’d be a great father, you deserve to have that family you want so much. I couldn’t be the one taking it away from you.”

Victor didn’t say another word for the rest of the ride, seemingly lost in thought. Diane wanted us to talk, hopeful we could make up. But some things just don’t seem meant to be, and some words are better left unsaid.

Me? I was an internal mess, having all these feelings of hope and love, acceptance and closure dancing in my heart. I didn’t know what was right and what was wrong anymore. I leaned against my window, hoping the universe would be kind enough to give me answers soon.

[siribear]

dear claire,

she stares at the handwriting she’s become familiar with, with a particular scrutiny. his letter is much too soon. normally, they’d come after a few weeks. maybe a month, if his regiment was on the move. but she just sent off own letter the other day. no way he’s gotten it so soon. and yet.

i know this letter is early. no kidding. but i couldn’t wait for yours to arrive. you’ll have to forgive me for putting this in writing.

claire brushes a stray strand of hair behind her ear and forces herself to sit still in her chair. her roommate is already squirming in her own seat, waiting for her reaction.

if i know you, you’re waiting for me to get to the point. but first, tell rachel i said hello. she does, and her roommate’s smile only grows wider. so, whatever this is, she’s in on it. i’m coming home soon. within the month. but that’s not why i’m writing. claire only realizes she’s biting her nails when she begins to taste nail polish. claire, i want to start a family. with you. i know this is sudden. but i wanted to give you some time to consider. i’ll - and here the handwriting shifts. still his, but rougher. - understand if you say no.

i can’t wait to see you. i love you.

nathaniel ward.

she reads it. and reads it again. and once more, before she shoots up from her seat, letter still in her hand, eyes boring into the paper.

‘so?’ rachel asks, sing-song.

‘rachel, find my stationary, please,’ claire responds, eyes not leaving the letter. rachel bolts from her chair and runs into their room. she returns carrying a piece of paper and pen.

claire sits, turns back to their kitchen table. a family.

dear nate, she writes.

start thinking up names.

i love you.

claire (soon-to-be) ward.

-

‘that vault up there has quite the interesting history,’ deacon says, after they’ve had their breakfast in her kitchen.

whisper blinks at him from across the kitchen table. ‘and what’s that?’

he leans forward, elbows on the table like her mother hated. ‘never been opened. everyone knows about the other vaults in the commonwealth, but 111?’ he clicks his tongue. ‘nothing.’

she frowns. ‘you want to go vault diving?’

‘i would, but it’s locked up. no one’s ever been able to get in, either.’

she shrugs. ‘as long as monsters don’t come out of it, it doesn’t matter to me. wonder what’s down there, though.’ she avoids his gaze, looking down at her pipboy, pretending to double-triple check their next destination.

deacon chuckles. ‘yeah, i wonder.’

-

preston approaches them before they leave, giving deacon a casual nod. ‘if i could talk to the general for a moment, uh, dingo?’ whisper nods, and deacon strolls over to dogmeat to play fetch, pretending he’s not going to be listening to their conversation anyway.

‘is everything okay, preston?’ she asks with a hand on her hip. she knows she’s been gone longer than she’s been here, leaving preston in charge of sanctuary and the budding minutemen. but he’s built them up well. even a few of the newer faces are dressed uniformly, carrying their own laser muskets.

he tears his gaze away from dogmeat bowling into deacon. ‘more than fine, general. in fact, with the other settlements you’ve established, we’re having trouble communicating with them all. it’s a good problem to have,’ he assures her. ‘the only way we can get further word out right now is from carla; she’s the only caravan that’s come this far up north. otherwise, i’ve sent out one of our newer scouts, but it’s not ideal.’

‘so we need a way to communicate more easily. like - another radio station? broadcast updates on each settlement so we know if anyone needs help or extra supplies.’ she looks up at him and his bright eyes. ‘you have a plan.’

‘i do.’ he practically vibrates with an excitement she never saw in him, weeks ago. at least, not before she agreed to help him. he’s a far cry from when they first met. ‘the minutemen used to have another headquarters, far out east. before the war, it was called fort independence. but we knew it as the castle.’

she has a vague image in her head of fort independence. too much information crammed into her head in college now useless and discarded. that, and she and nate hardly traveled far from boston’s city limits. ‘used to. what happened to it?’

he grimaces. ‘they say a monster from the sea breached the walls. all anyone knows is, most of the minutemen leadership died.’ he drops his gaze, voice going thoughtful. ‘i think that’s where all of our problems began.’

‘a... sea monster?’

‘uh, yes. but i think if we retake the castle and reestablish radio freedom, we stand a better chance of keeping our allies, and the greater commonwealth, safe.’

she blinks. ‘a sea monster,’ she repeats. ‘okay. that sounds reasonable - ’

he steps closer. ‘should i have a group meet us outside the castle?’

‘ - but i think we’ll have to table it, for now.’ she watches his enthusiasm fade. ‘preston, it’s a great idea, don’t get me wrong. but if there is some... giant sea monster, it doesn’t do the minutemen any good if both of us die taking back the place. train up a few more people. i’m going to clear out sunshine tidings co-op, make a few more... stops.’ she chances a gaze at deacon, sitting on the side of the road rubbing dogmeat’s belly. ‘and we’ll come back to this, okay?’

he salutes her. ‘yes, ma’am.’

whisper frowns. ‘hey.’ she gently lowers his hand from the salute. ‘i’m sorry i haven’t been around. but you and the others are doing a wonderful job here. we’ll take the castle, i just have a few loose ends to tie up before i throw myself at a sea monster.’

preston squeezes her hand. ‘yes, ma’am,’ he says again, softer.

she withdraws, slowly. ‘i should go get de-dingo. he gets restless.’ she turns to see deacon tying what looks like a third bandanna around dogmeat’s neck, to complement the small pair of welder’s goggles upon his head. preston keeps his eyes on her. ‘i’ll try to be back soon.’

he steps away. ‘stay safe, general.’

-

‘what do you know about the castle?’ whisper asks deacon along the way to the co-op.

‘a lot of your people - minutemen,’ he clarifies, ‘died there. it’s a mirelurk nesting ground now.’

she hums. ‘those would be the sea monsters preston mentioned, then.’ she rubs at her eyes. ‘great.’

they cross a bridge over to the co-op, weaving around abandoned cars. he helps her over a barricade as the first set of buildings looms over the hill. a short gravel path leads them up a hill into the co-op proper. wind blows heavily through the co-op, kicking up dirt from the expansive planting grounds that surround a large barn.

the puttering sound of an approaching mister handy prompts them to draw their weapons. the robot stops in front of them, seems to look them over, then, in a rough voice, says, ‘groovy,’ long, drawn-out, and airy, and floats away.

whisper lowers her gun. ‘deacon, what just happened?’

‘you take me to the best places, partner,’ he says, grinning.

in the barn, she accesses the logs on a dusty computer. ‘oh wow,’ she whispers. then laughs. ‘this was a hippie commune, pre-war. they... stole and reprogrammed a mister handy. they, uh, named him professor goodfeels. i guess that’s where the graffiti comes from.’ she waves a hand toward the wall and the painted free the robots on a piece of plywood. she turns to deacon. ‘origins of the railroad?’

she imagines he rolls his eyes at her. ‘funny. this place is... mostly quiet. wonder why no one’s picked this place back up since.’

‘you’re the intel guy.’ she pulls herself away from the terminal. ‘shall we see why?’

they see why. beginning at the first house, they explore counter-clockwise around the co-op, clearing out the feral ghouls sleeping in the buildings. in a far building, up another hill, they find the first body that isn’t a skeleton. someone else apparently had the same idea as the minutemen, but didn’t survive the ferals. the mess hall completes their circle in addition to housing another group of ferals, easily sniped through the broken windows. radio beacon up, whisper returns to the terminal.

‘what to do with the professor?’ there’s a few options listed on the terminal: return for repairs, guard protocols, and... just be.

‘i say leave him. if anything, he’s good for a laugh.’ on cue, professor goodfeels floats by with a slurred whoa man.

whisper sighs. ‘people are going to think we’re crazy.’

‘maybe that’s my plan. discredit the minutemen with beatnik mister handys.’

-

deacon suggests they head back to hq to see if there’s anything else that needs doing. now that the railroad has another heavy, it’s only fair they take on another job so glory can have a day off. besides, she can check in at goodneighbor along the way, see if hancock has found anything on kellogg. they head west across the commonwealth, traveling north of boston and weaving south of lexington. deacon draws her into the shadows near the corvega factory, and they pass by without incident.

that is, until the sound of gunfire brings them to the outskirts of the town. curious, whisper grabs deacon by the wrist and pulls him against the side of a building. ‘sure you want to do this?’ he asks over her shoulder. ‘looks like gunners got someone pinned down there.’

she peeks around the corner. ‘close to bunker hill, aren’t they? maybe it’s a caravan in danger.’

‘not the gunner MO, partner. behind that car.’ he points, and she sees it, a head poking out behind a rusted bumper.

whisper squints. ‘hang on. that’s - that’s maccready.’

‘the merc that hangs around goodneighbor? what’d he do to the gunners?’

‘doesn’t matter.’ she crouches, edges around the building to get closer to the gunners. a bullet whizzes past her, flying off down the road. too close. ‘deacon.’

she feels, doesn’t see, deacon’s rifle lower next to her. ‘one on the right is mine.’

whisper aims deliverer at the left gunner. near the hip, just below the plating of his combat armor. the gunners don’t notice them, too busy aiming at maccready. she counts down from three. in sync, they fire. deacon’s gunner goes down in a shower of red, head missing. hers shouts, drops his gun, and grabs at the hole in his hip. the third gunner only has a chance to look at his comrade before deacon finishes him off. her gunner falls to his knees. she finishes him off with one more quick shot.

‘you good?’ she nods, rising. he puts a hand on her shoulder, stilling her. ‘don’t be so quick to rise above cover, there. never know if there are more. or a sniper.’

she remains in her crouch, at that, his hand still on her shoulder. one moment passes. another. then, ‘boss? did i hit you?’ maccready yells, his voice growing closer. deacon releases her then, using the same hand to help her up.

‘i’m okay, maccready.’ she gestures at the dead gunners behind him. ‘this have anything to do with those two at the third rail?’

‘winlock and barnes? yeah, guess someone saw me picking around the commonwealth.’ he sighs. ‘gunners don’t like it when their people leave and start taking jobs away from them.’

‘huh,’ she says. ‘so they’re going to hound you until... what? they bring you back in?’

maccready laughs, bitter. ‘i doubt that. they’ll kill me and be done with it. i hoped to buy them out before that. get them off my back.’

‘good luck with that,’ deacon pipes up.

‘what can i do?’ she asks him.

his eyes widen in surprise. ‘what?’

‘i’m offering to help you, maccready. you already have most of my caps, though. what else can we do?’

‘i know where they’re stationed,’ he says quickly, as if she’s going to take it back. he looks between her and deacon. ‘mass pike interchange. there’s a lift up to the interchange, that’s where they’re stationed.’

‘what kind of resistance are we looking at, maccready?’ deacon eyes him.

maccready winces. ‘a dozen or more gunners, plus defensive turrets. barnes usually wears a suit of power armor.’ he pauses. ‘and an assaultron.’

‘jesus,’ deacon curses under his breath. ‘you really want to do this?’

whisper shrugs. ‘he’s in danger unless we do. i’m sorry, i know you said - ’

‘glory hates days off anyway,’ he finishes. ‘any plans?’

‘we’re three snipers,’ she says. ‘and maccready knows the layout. we hit them before they can hit us.’

[marypsue]

The Family Business

Yes, that title is uninspired and overused.

You're probably going to get the most out of this if you're familiar with the plot of Supernatural's first season.

I’m also on AO3 as MaryPSue!

...

There’s somebody in the kitchen.

Dipper knows as soon as he turns the key in the lock. They aren’t making a lot of noise, but – that was definitely the click of a drawer closing, the quiet pop of the fridge door opening.

“Wh -” Wendy starts, and Dipper turns to her, a finger to his lips for silence. On tiptoe, he creeps down the hall, which seems to have grown miles longer since he’d first heard the sounds. He tries to tell himself it’s just Lee or Nate or Thompson, helping themselves to his food and beer, but his mind keeps spiralling back to the still-locked front door.

He leans against the wall beside the kitchen door for a moment, listening to the quiet clatter inside. Then he spins around the doorframe, ready to pummel whoever – or whatever – dares violate the sanctuary of his student housing.

Dipper’s twin looks up from the marshmallows she’s stuffing into her mouth, and her face breaks into a broad grin. With the marshmallows in her cheeks, it gives her a distinct chipmunk-y aura. “Oh, hey, bro-bro!”

“Mabel?” Dipper asks, in disbelief. The last time he’d seen his sister, it had been through the back window of the taxi taking him away from the little family he had left. Towards a new life, he’d thought. He’d hoped. A fresh start. “No offense, but what are you doing here?”

“Ith that any way to greet your long-lotht twin thithter?” Mabel asks, through the marshmallows, before swallowing. Her smile is as brilliant as ever, though Dipper notices it no longer reaches her eyes.

“Dude, what’s going -” Wendy comes around the corner and stops at the sight of Mabel. Dipper can’t blame her. Between the half-shave and the glitter, Mabel always is an arresting sight, even when she hasn’t somehow breezed through a locked door and made herself at home in somebody else’s kitchen. “Whoa, what’s all this about?”

Mabel’s eyes light up with an unholy glee, looking from Wendy to Dipper and back again, and Dipper groans, pinching the bridge of his nose. Maybe it has been a while, but he still knows exactly what’s running through Mabel’s head.

And sure enough, the next words out of Mabel’s mouth confirm it. “Oh. Em. Gee! Dipper! You didn’t tell me you finally got yourself a girlfriend!”

Beside Dipper, Wendy snorts. “Hah. He wishes.”

“We’re roommates, Mabel.”

Mabel raises one eyebrow in that annoying way she has, and smirks.

Wendy gives Mabel an appraising look. “Are you two related? You look a lot alike.”

“We’re twins!” Mabel chirps, bounding forward with a hand outstretched. “Mabel Pines! Nice to meet you!”

“Wendy Corduroy,” Wendy says, giving Mabel’s arm one good pump as she stares at Dipper, who pretends not to notice. “Twins, huh? Weird. Dipper’s never mentioned you.”

Mabel’s sunny smile slips several notches at that, and Dipper glances away as she ratchets it back up. “Well, maybe he was just scared you’d fall in love with me.” She winks, big, in Wendy’s direction, then spins to give Dipper an eyebrow waggle and an exaggerated ‘can you beLIEVE this?’ point in Wendy’s direction.

“Mabel, what are you doing here?” Dipper manages, finally, in the face of his sister’s hamminess. “If Great-Uncle Ford sent you -”

Mabel’s eye twitches, and her smile turns grimace. “A hah. About that.” She bobs her head to one side, eyes flicking in Wendy’s direction. “Grunkle Ford hasn't been home in a couple days.”

“So?” Dipper asks, crossing his arms over his chest. Nope. Nuh uh. He’s not getting dragged back into this craziness. “Have you met Grunkle Ford? He’s probably somewhere with a bottle of something strong and an ‘interesting specimen’ -”

“No,” Mabel interrupts, eyebrows in full Significant Waggle mode. “Grunkle Ford’s on a hunting trip. And he hasn’t been home in a couple days.”

Dipper groans, dragging a hand down his face.

“Whoa, significant emphasis there,” Wendy says, looking from Mabel to Dipper to Mabel again. “You know what, this sounds like a family thing. I’m gonna head back to the library.” She taps Dipper’s shoulder lightly as she passes behind him. “Text me when the dust settles.”

Neither Dipper or Mabel speak again until they hear the front door shut behind Wendy.

“I like her. She seems cool,” Mabel says, a little too innocently.

“The coolest,” Dipper sighs. He already knows he’s going to regret this. “So. What’s this about Grunkle Ford?”

…

Mabel’s taste in music hasn’t changed. The 1967 Cadillac de Ville’s stereo system shudders and thumps out the bass beat under “Oops I Did It Again” as they fly down the highway, Mabel singing along at the top of her lungs and drumming on the steering wheel. Dipper rolls his eyes as he stares out the window, smiling despite himself. There are a lot of things about his life with what's left of his family that he doesn’t miss, but – this isn’t one of them.

“So what’s our play?” he asks, and Mabel glances over in his direction before reaching to turn the radio down.

“We follow up on these missing persons Grunkle Ford was looking into, and hopefully, we find him too.” Mabel drums her fingers on the steering wheel, a thoughtful frown drifting across her face as she hangs a right. For the first time, Dipper thinks he’s getting a glimpse of how much this is affecting her. He’s a little surprised. For all that Mabel had followed so closely in their great-uncle’s footsteps that she’d sometimes stepped on his heels since the house fire that killed their parents, she and Ford had never really seemed all that close. 

Though maybe Dipper’s just blinded by how much Ford always pushed him to take an interest in Ford’s work. Just because they’re similar in a lot of ways, maybe more than Ford and Mabel are, doesn’t mean Dipper wants the same things Ford does.

But that doesn’t mean he wants to see Ford get hurt, either.

“Sounds pretty simple,” Dipper says, as the flashing lights of patrol cars come into view at the top of the hill.

“Which means it won’t be,” Mabel says, as if reading Dipper’s mind. “But that’s okay. The Mystery Twins are back in action! If we can’t do it, nobody can!” She pauses a moment, then turns to Dipper with a smile dawning across her face. “Ohmigosh! Dipper! There’s two of us again, we can do the Mulder and Scully!”

“Seriously, Mabel?” Dipper sighs, but he can feel himself smiling. “Do you want to be the skeptical partner or the true believer?”

“Um, do you even have to ask?” Mabel says, as they pull up alongside the squad cars piled up around the entrance to the bridge. She parks the Caddy, and hops out, heading straight for the blockade like she belongs there.

Dipper shakes his head, and follows.

The sheriff holds out an arm to stop him as he draws level with the blockade. Dipper looks out over the bridge to see that Mabel’s already wound her way between the patrol cars and out onto the bridge itself, poking around the car sitting diagonally across the road with its nose jammed up against the railing.

“Excuse me,” the sheriff says, and Dipper reaches into his jacket, flashing his fake FBI badge.

“Agent Nimoy, FBI. That’s my partner, Agent Kelly. We’re here about your missing persons.” He stares out at the car that Mabel’s – oh, ew, is she licking it?

The sheriff also looks out at Mabel, and then gives Dipper a stare of clear disbelief.

“Oh, yeah, her methods are unorthodox,” Dipper says. “As is her…look. But she was top of her class at the academy. A real profiler’s profiler.”

The sheriff’s still giving him that look, and Dipper shrugs, squaring his shoulders and clasping his hands behind his back in the way he knows makes him look older and more professional.

“What can you tell me about what happened here?”

…

The ghost is a Woman in White, just like the notes they find in Ford’s abandoned motel room say. And she goes after Dipper, which makes zero sense, since she’s supposed to go after unfaithful men and the last time Dipper had a girlfriend, it meant someone to hang out with on the playground at recess. Doesn’t stop her from turning up in the backseat, driving him to her abandoned house, and trying to rip his heart out of his chest, though.

Which is when Mabel turns up, just in the nick of time, with the kaddish on her lips and a shotgun loaded with rock salt in her hands.

Two living twins and three spectres of unknown religious affiliation, two of whom are underage, hardly qualify as a minyan. But the Woman in White goes quietly in the end anyway, with tears tracking down her cheeks as they warp between human flesh and sunken bone. The ghosts of her children, clutching her hands, one on either side, flash Mabel near-identical sad smiles. Then the last syllables fall from Mabel’s mouth, and they’re gone, blown away like dust on the wind.

…

“Sooo…” Mabel says, in the moment of silence after “No Scrubs” ends and whatever’s next on Mabel’s “Road Trip Mix!!! :D” CD comes on. “We did not find Grunkle Ford.”

Dipper sighs, leaning his elbow on the de Ville’s window and his chin in his hand. “I have to get back, Mabel. I’ve got entrance exams on Monday.”

Mabel lets out a long breath, but doesn’t say anything. The dulcet tones of Aqua’s “Barbie Girl” flood in to fill the silence.

“We did a really good job back there,” she says, quietly. “We work really well together. You and me, we’re like, an unstoppable team! And – we really helped those people -”

“Mabel,” Dipper says, unable to keep the warning edge from his voice.

Mabel bites down on her bottom lip.

“I don’t…have a lot of family left,” she says, like the words are barbed, like it hurts to force them out. “And it feels like I just keep losing people. First Mom and Dad, then you, now Grunkle Ford…” She sighs, the sound at odds with the bubbly pop song.

“Hey.” Dipper looks up, but Mabel’s staring intently out at the road, with a focus she rarely, if ever, turns on anything that isn't a monster hunt or a crafting project. “Mabel, c’mon. You didn’t ‘lose’ me, I’m right here -”

“Oh yeah?” Mabel turns, fixing Dipper with a knowing look that makes his stomach sink straight towards his shoes. “You never return my calls, you wouldn’t meet me when we were in town chasing that sewer alligator -”

“It was finals week, Mabel, I didn’t have time -”

“How come you never told Wendy you had a twin?” Mabel demands, and Dipper’s tongue knots in his mouth.

“I just…” he says, slowly, trying to line up his thoughts in his head. “I wanted college to be something that was…mine. That wasn’t about – the thing that killed our parents, or the supernatural, or what Ford wants from me, or how much better than me you are at all this stuff…” He rubs the back of his neck. “I don’t know. It’s not like I don’t want to be your twin, it’s just – it was nice not to be compared to you for once.”

Mabel’s silent, for an uncomfortably long time, tapping her fingers thoughtlessly against the steering wheel as “Barbie Girl” ends and P!nk’s “Get The Party Started” comes on.  

“Is that why you left?” she asks, so quiet that Dipper almost can’t hear her over the song.

Dipper shrugs one shoulder, turning to look out the window at the fields flying by.

…

It’s dark by the time Mabel drops him off at the house. She waits until Dipper’s out with his duffle bag, then peels away from the curb with a huge, insincere smile and a “See ya round!”. The de Ville’s candy-apple red tailfins and familiar STNLYMBL license plate disappear away down the street, and Dipper has to force himself to look away before the taillights vanish from view.

The house is dark, and quiet, the only sound the soft rustle of the shower running in the bathroom down the hall from his room. Dipper unlocks the door, shuffles inside, and flops facefirst onto the bed without bothering to kick the door shut behind him.

He feels tired, right down to his bones. Like he’s been gone a lifetime tearing around the countryside in the old Caddy with Mabel instead of just a weekend. Like he’s been awake the whole time. Like he had to walk the whole way. His chest is still twinging a little, where the Woman in White had stabbed a clawed, bony hand through it, and Dipper rolls over onto his back, eyes closed, breathing slow, pressing a hand over his breastbone. Mabel was right, most of the spirits they meet are just troubled, but there are some he finds it real hard to say mourning rites for. A mother who killed her own children over her own rage and grief? Definitely one of them.

He can’t remember ever feeling this tired. He’d sworn he’d never let himself get sucked back into this life, and yet here he is, the night before entrance exams, and all he can think about is angry ghosts –

Something cold splashes against his face.

“Oh, fuck,” Dipper mutters, throwing up a hand to protect himself against the splatter of chilly droplets. If they’ve burst another pipe, their damage deposit is already gone, that’s gonna come straight out of pocket, and he has a part-time job in the commissary but Wendy’s always broke –

Dipper opens his eyes, reluctantly, and looks up at the ceiling. Instead of the spreading, bulging brown-edged stain he’d expected to see, though, there’s something up there that sends an electric jolt up his spine and freezes his bones to the marrow, something that jerks him instantly, painfully awake.

The ceiling is bleeding.

There’s a red patch up there, not very large, maybe about the size of a dinner plate. As Dipper watches, another droplet tugs away from the puddle, dangles obscenely for a moment, suspended above him – and then drops.

Dipper twists his face away, and the drop splatters against his cheek. In the sudden hush, it sounds like a gunshot, like the crack of doom.

And then come the flames.

…

Mabel settles her leather jacket a little more carefully around Dipper’s shoulders. He’s broader in the back than she is, so it doesn’t exactly fit, and the diamantes she’s studded it with dig uncomfortably into his neck and his chin, but Dipper doesn’t protest. He’s probably in shock. A blanket would be best, but that would mean going over to that fire truck and admitting to them that he was in the now-blazing house when it went up and explaining the blood on his face and the long-lost twin sister who turned up out of nowhere to pull him out and where Wendy is and he’s so, so tired.

“Did you see -” Mabel starts, again, and Dipper sighs.

“I told you, Mabel, she wasn’t there. It was just – just blood.” He shivers. It’s a warm night, and the heat from the burning house is probably enough to reach them out here, but Dipper can’t feel any of it. He’s just cold.

Mabel nods, fiddles with the collar of her jacket under Dipper’s chin for another moment, then gets up and turns on the police scanner in the Caddy’s dash. They listen to the radio chatter back and forth – a noise complaint on the frat block, an altercation in a McDonalds’ parking lot, a young woman, still missing after a house fire in student housing. It’s been a while since Dipper had to translate police radio codes, but it comes right back. Just like riding a bicycle. It all comes right back.

“Do you think it was -” Mabel starts, and Dipper curls a fist in the lapels of her jacket, tugging it tighter around him.

“Yeah. Yeah, I do.” He stares at the house until the fire leaves afterimages, burned on his eyes, until he can’t tell what are real and what are illusory flames. “And Mabel?”

Mabel sits, immediately, on the trunk beside Dipper, looking over at him, hanging on his next words.

“We’re gonna kill that son of a bitch,” Dipper breathes. It feels final – like a commencement speech, or a eulogy, almost. An epitaph for the normal life Dipper Pines almost had.

Mabel doesn’t say anything, but she does shift a little so that their arms press against each other, leaning her head on his shoulder. Her hair tickles Dipper’s nose, but he doesn’t move to brush it out of the way.

They stay like that until the fire has mostly turned to smoke and steam and embers.

   one season later

“We’re gonna need some backup.”

…

The junkyard is exactly like Dipper remembers it, a graveyard of cars both classic and contemporary, a few miscellaneous big dogs and the ever-present (and ever-mysterious) goat wandering or napping among the wrecks. The sign over the door of the shabby old garage is still missing a letter, its shadow faded into the peeling paint.

Mabel goes charging in first, ducking as she crosses the threshold. Dipper, following behind her, pauses a moment before the doorway. The shotgun blast goes right over Mabel’s head, blowing out a chunk of the doorframe just by Dipper’s ear, and he can’t help but grin. Clearly, some things haven’t changed.

“Grunkle Stan!” Mabel shouts, dashing across the kitchen and flinging both arms around their great-uncle’s middle. Stan clearly tries to poker-face at her, but the way he shifts the shotgun to one hand and gives her hair a ruffle with the other is kind of a tell.

“You know the drill, pumpkin. Holy water first, then hugs.”

Mabel huffs out a sigh and rolls her eyes. “Grunkle Stan, we’re Jewish.”

“Yeah, but these demons that been popping up like mushrooms ain’t. Holy water, kiddo.”

Mabel lets out an exaggerated sigh, but she takes the flask Stan digs out of his back pocket and takes a swig, holding out her arms like she’s showing off how much it’s not burning her. She waves the flask in Dipper’s direction next, and Dipper reluctantly steps forward to take it, throwing back a slug.

Stan’s double-take is almost certainly put on for comedic effect, but he does look genuinely surprised to see Dipper. “Well, wouldja look at that. If it isn’t the prodigal son.” He takes the flask of holy water back from Dipper with a suspicious scowl, even though Dipper just passed his test. “Thought you swore you were never coming back here.”

Dipper raises both eyebrows, glances across the kitchen at the fridge. “Did Ford tell you that?”

Stan just gives him a hard look, then turns away. "Look, you know as well as I do that my twin can be a real asshole, but no matter how pissed he was about you walking out, he never woulda badmouthed you to me. Maybe he's not an easy guy to get along with, but he cares about you kids. Even if he's got a funny way of showing it sometimes."

Dipper stifles a laugh. "You can say that again. Or maybe it'd be more accurate to say he doesn't show it at all."

Stan sighs. “Well, it’s good to see you again anyway, kid. Just wish it was under better circumstances.”

...

Mabel fills Stan in on everything that's happened - tracking the yellow-eyed demon to Salvation, the call Grunkle Ford had taken, how they'd split up and how Ford had been abducted - while Dipper flips through the enormous book that Stan had hauled out of his library. Mabel being, well, Mabel, it’s not exactly easy to pay attention to anything other than her storytelling.

Dipper wanders out of the kitchen, heading for the worn armchair by the fireplace. He doesn’t take his nose out of the book. The Key of Solomon, according to Stan. Dipper wishes the only place he'd ever encountered the stupid book was in the Library Sciences course he'd picked up as an option last semester.

Still, no matter the circumstances, it’s very, very cool to get to hold in his hands, to page through spells and seals and -

“Oh, sorry,” a familiar voice says, and then, “Dipper?”

Dipper looks up. “Wendy?”

Wendy grins, broad and bright. “Hey, dude! I’m so glad to see you, I kinda thought you might have been eaten by some kind of monster. Your family is so cool, Dipper. Why didn’t you ever introduce me to any of them?”

“Long story. What - what are you -” Dipper stammers, watching Wendy’s eyes carefully for any flash of black, of yellow.

“Doing here?” Wendy finishes for him. “Your great-uncle showed up at the house just after Robbie went all nuts and tried to pin me to the ceiling, did this whole ‘come with me if you want to live’ bit." She winces before saying, "Hey, if you see Robbie before I do, tell him no hard feelings, all right? I know he was possessed, and I'm sure he understands the axe wounds were inflicted in self-defence."

"My great-uncle? That's weird, Grunkle Stan doesn't do much fieldwork, and I don't know why he would've been -" Dipper starts, and Wendy shakes her head.

"No, not Stan, the other one. He’s...a total nerd, but kind of a badass, too.”

“Wh- Grunkle Ford?” Dipper asks, disbelieving, and Wendy nods. 

“Yeah, man. He sent whatever was possessing Robbie packing, dropped me off here, and I’ve just been doing axe practice with Stan and reading up on what kills different monsters since then.” She laughs, a little too bright and too brittle. “Also apparently demons are real. Is that fucked up or what?”

It takes Dipper a second to find his voice.

“Tell me about it,” he says, weakly, at last.

...

The information they get out of Pacifica during the exorcism checks out. They find Ford, unconscious, in the Sunrise Apartments block, and barely make it out, with him and the memory gun, in one piece.

And that's when everything goes wrong.

Dipper's ashamed to admit that he doesn't notice right away. Mabel has to almost hand the memory gun over to Ford before something, some quirk of a smile or edge of a laugh or turn of a phrase, sends him scrambling across the abandoned farmhouse, yelling, "Wait - Mabel, don't -"

"Dipper?" Mabel asks, half-turning to look at him, and that's when Ford - the thing wearing Ford like a rented tuxedo grabs the memory gun from her, wrenching her arm down at an angle Dipper's pretty sure arms aren't meant to bend at. Mabel's scream is horrible, but the smile that slashes across Ford's face is somehow worse.

"Ooh, good catch, kid!" the thing possessing Ford says brightly, turning that smile in Dipper's direction. Its voice is too nasal, too sarcastic to be mistaken for Ford's. "And it only took you, what, two hours? Three? You and your great-uncle sure must be close -"

"Shut up," Dipper grinds out, between gritted teeth.

"How -" Mabel gasps, cradling her injured arm close to her chest. "But you passed the test -"

"What, that stuff with the holy water? Geez, I'm disappointed in you guys! Woulda thought you of all people wouldn't buy into that 'Christianity applies to everybody' baloney!"

"You're literally a demon," Dipper points out, quite reasonably, he thinks.

The thing in Ford's body rolls its yellow, slitted eyes. It's - honestly, it's really horrible to look at. Now that it's not pretending to be Ford anymore, its expressions, its movements, even just the way it holds itself are all different, and overlaid over the so-familiar figure of Dipper and Mabel's great-uncle, they all just scream 'wrong'. "Sure, sure, just paint all demons with the same brush. Like you know anything about us, kid."

"I know how to kill you," Dipper says, hoping he sounds more confident than he feels.

The unblinking yellow stare that the thing in Ford's body turns on him seems to say otherwise.

And then it grins.

"You know what, that's not a bad idea!" it says, almost chirps. It steps past Mabel, ignoring her wide-eyed stare, and holds the memory gun out to Dipper. "Give it a shot, kid! Let's see what you think you know."

Dipper eyes the gun, dangling tantalisingly in front of him. He locks eyes with the demon in Ford's body as he reaches out.

The hilt of the memory gun is cold and heavy in his hand.

"Dipper, no!" Mabel gasps as Dipper raises the memory gun. He hopes - though he knows it's futile - that the demon doesn't notice the way his hand shakes. "That's our grunkle!"

"Not right now, it isn't," Dipper says, settling his finger on the trigger.

"But if you shoot it, you'll wipe out Grunkle Ford too!"

"That's right!" the demon in Ford's body says, still grinning so wide it must hurt, throwing out both arms and advancing, step by looming step, towards Dipper. "So go ahead! Isn't this what you wanted? Isn't this what your uncle would want? I killed your parents and ruined your life! You've been hunting me for decades, and now here I am! C'mon, kid, don't you have the guts? Take - the - shot!"

That awful smile is right in Dipper's face, and he squeezes his eyes shut and pulls the trigger.

When he opens his eyes, though, it's to those slitted yellow eyes still winking at him from his great-uncle's face.

"How - what -" Dipper stammers, stumbling backwards, holding the memory gun between himself and the demon like a security blanket. Which would be about as useful as the gun turned out to be. "Grunkle Ford told us this could kill you!"

"Oh, I bet he did!" the demon in Ford's body cackles. "But let me tell you, kid, there's a whole lot ol' Fordsy didn't tell you. You should ask him about me someday! About what really happened to your parents!"

"Our -" Dipper starts, but then one of Ford's broad hands grabs him by the throat and pins him up against the wall. Dipper kicks out and struggles for breath, lungs burning, but the demon's grip is solid.

"Of course," it says thoughtfully, stroking its chin with its free hand in a mockery of one of Ford's favourite mannerisms, "you'd both have to be alive for that to happen."

Dipper gasps, uselessly, as the demon tightens Ford's fingers around his throat.

His vision starts to darken, tunneling around the edges, but it doesn't go dark so fast that he can't see the movement over Ford's shoulder. And, despite everything, he can't help but smile.

The demon narrows Ford's eyes. "Hey, what's so funny -"

And then Mabel slams the fireplace poker into the side of its head.

The demon stumbles, letting go of Dipper's throat as it goes down on one knee. It looks up at Mabel, that smile still slashed across Ford's face and a dangerous glint in its eyes.

"Well, I gotta hand it to you two! You sure are persistent! So I guess I'll let you off the hook for now." The smile slides off of Ford's face, eyes narrowing as Dipper steps over beside Mabel, trading the memory gun for the poker dangling in her good hand. "But know this." Its voice goes deeper, picking up a strange reverb as it says, "A darkness approaches. A time will come when everything you care about will change." Its smile snaps back, as though nothing is wrong. "Until then, I'll be watching you! I'll be watching..."

It winks one yellow eye, and waves.

And then it throws Ford's head back, and a jet of blue flame pours from Ford's open mouth, splashing against the ceiling. It goes on, and on, until finally Ford's mouth shuts, and with a sigh, he topples over onto his side, unconscious.

Dipper looks over at Mabel, sees his own confusion and fear written on her face.

Somehow, between the two of them, they manage to drag Ford out to the de Ville before the burning roof of the farmhouse collapses.

________

AN: I started this crossover/fusion AU in a fit of excitement and then quickly realised that I was not equipped to respectfully and tastefully mash up a show that, among other things, is based entirely on Christian theology, with a show with Jewish-coded protagonists. So this is all there’s gonna be of this. I sincerely hope I haven’t butchered what I have done here too badly.

Had I been able to rework the...entire storyline of SPN to make this endeavour not a questionable decision, though, the role of Literal Angel would probably have been played by Soos.

[beanfic]

Summertime Sadness - Ch.8

Word count: 2307

Warnings: Language, some ~angst~ and some ~fluff~ :)

Author’s note: I loved writing this chapter so I hope you enjoy it as much as I do!

Song suggestions: Juliet by Cavetown & Northern Lights by Death Cab for Cutie

It has been about a week since you have spoken to Josh. You had a long talk with Mariah the other day and figured stuff out with her but your parents said you aren’t allowed to hang out with her alone until you were ungrounded.

The conversation went easier than you expected, mostly because Mariah actually listened to you for once instead of getting defensive. She apologized for what she did and promised to never let Tyler get in the way of their friendship again. Mariah also gave you some advice about Josh, especially since you haven’t been able to get him off of your mind.

Being grounded in the summer was not fun, and the past week was spent with you helping around the house and doing chores for your family, which Johnny and Bri took advantage of. You never got any free time, and they never gave you a break. Plus, all you heard about was the raise that Johnny had gotten at his job.

A job. This was also the only thing your parents would talk to you about. They brought it up any time they could, they would remind you of how “lazy” you were. You finally ended up applying to an ice cream shop in your neighborhood, and you had the interview today.

“How do I look?” you asked your mom spinning around to show her the outfit. It was a black polo shirt and khakis. You wanted to look professional, and this was the outfit your mom chose. You hated it.

“Professional! Remember to make eye contact, and don’t slouch!”

“I know, Mom.”

“Goodluck, sweetie!” she tried to kiss your forehead but you swerved out of the way. You haven't let your mom or dad touch you since you came home a week ago. You still haven’t forgiven them for grounding you during the summer when you were an adult, even if you did kind of deserve it.

You hopped into your car and headed to the ice cream shop. You turned on your local radio and they were interviewing a local band. The voice caught your attention, so you turned it up.

“Yeah, we have just been rehearsing like crazy getting ready for the state fair later this summer!”

It was Tyler’s voice.

“It will be like my fourth performance with the band so I’m excited!”

That was Josh’s voice.

Your stomach started to twist and turn at the sound of his voice, and you wanted to throw up. You turned off the radio and tried to regain control of your breathing. The last thing you wanted was to be shaken up before your interview.

You found parking in front of the ice cream shop, and you headed in.

“Hi, I’m here for an interview?” you told the young girl who was on the register.

“Oh yeah! Let me go get my manager!” You watched her run to the back and come back out with women who looked about 35. She seemed nice.

“Hi I’m Taylor!” she shook your hand.

“Hi, I’m Y/N, it’s nice to meet you!”

She took you to the back room where she asked you questions about yourself, and other questions they usually asked at an interview. You felt pretty good about it all.

“I would love to offer you a job here!” She said at the end.

“Really? I would love that!” you said excitedly.

“Yes! You seem like you would make a great addition to our team! Could you start this Friday?”

“Yes!” You shook her hand and thanked her once again before heading home. You were excited that you finally had a job so you could escape the never-ending chores from your family.

You drove a little fast back to your house, and you ran inside to tell your family the news.

“I got the job!” you announced.

“I’m so proud of you!” your Mom and Dad said at the same time, coming towards you to hug you but you started to head upstairs before they could. You could see the hurt in your Mom’s eyes but you tried to brush it aside.

You headed to Jonny’s room to tell him the news, and this time you knocked on his door.

“Come in.”

“I got the job at the ice cream parlor!”

“Nice! Way to go, Y/N!” he gave you a high five.

“Where’s Bri?” you wondered.

“I just dropped her off at a guys house.”

You raised your eyebrow at him, “Are you serious? Our fourteen-year-old sister gets to go to a guys house and I get grounded for being an adult.”

“To be fair you were underage drinking,” he pointed out.

“But you did it too!”

“Yeah, but I was just smarter than you at hiding it! “

“Whatever,” you rolled your eyes.

“You’re bi, why don’t you go date a girl instead of some douche?”

“Because I haven’t found any girls that are worthy for this,” you joked making your brother make gagging noises. “Why don’t you have a girlfriend?”

“Because I have better things to do than focus on love.”

“But you’re 21, I feel like you should start dating.”

“At least I’m not a virgin!”

“Fuck off, Johnny!” You flipped him off and started to head out his door.

“Hey I was just messing with you, do you want to play Mario Kart again? I’m bored,” he offered.

You sighed, “Sure, but you better get ready to get your ass beat.”

*     *     *

Today was the first day of your new job, and you were filled with nerves and excitement. You had put on your outfit, which included a bright yellow t-shirt that said “Jeni’s Splendid Ice Cream” on it with pink bubble letters. You got to wear jeans which you were happy about.

You threw your hair up into a ponytail, and you headed downstairs to say goodbye to your family. Bri was downstairs watching a movie with your Dad, while your mom was in the kitchen doing more meal prep.

“You ready for your first day?” she asked, smiling.

“As ready as I’ll ever be,” you shrugged.

“Do you know what time you will get off?”

“I don’t, but I’ll keep you updated. I heard that the coworker's usually hung afterward on Friday, and I really think I should go since it’s my first day. I want to make a good first impression.”

“Hmm, I suppose. How late would it be?”

“Probably around midnight but they’re coworkers, Mom. I promise I won’t do anything dumb.”

You grabbed your keys and headed to your car. Your hands were sweating the entire way there, and when you pulled into a parking spot you decided to give yourself a little pep talk to yourself through your rearview mirror.

“Listen here Y/N. You got this. You are smart and everyone has to have their first day and be trained. You got this!” You gave yourself a high fived and headed in.

The manager was there and introduced you to a boy, his name was Ethan, and he was going to be the one who was training you. He was very flamboyant, and he wanted to know everything about you when there weren’t any customers.

He taught you how to use the cash register, and how to scoop the ice cream and make the different specials. It wasn’t as difficult as you were expecting and Ethan made it much easier. He was funny, and you enjoyed working with him.

“I guess I should let you know I’m gay in case you fall in love with me,” he joked.

“I couldn’t tell, and I’m gay too. Well, partially. I’m bi.”

“Whoa, we’re queer ice cream scoopers!” he held up his gloved hand for a high five. You laughed at the sound it made when it hit your hand which was also gloved.

“Y/L/N?” you turned around at the familiar voice calling out your name.

There he was.

Josh Dun and Tyler Joseph.

“Hey, Tyler! Josh.” You waved to Tyler and glared at Josh.

“I didn’t know you worked here,” Tyler spoke as he looked through the ice cream flavors. Josh kept his gaze on you, and you couldn’t look away either. His warm chocolate eyes were pulling you in again. You noticed that there was color peeking underneath his t-shirt.

“Did you get a tattoo?” you asked him. He nodded and pulled up his sleeve to reveal that his shoulder was covered in a bright orange galaxy, surrounded by a deep blue. It didn’t take a genius to figure out it was a space-scape; Josh had never been one for hiding his fascination with the universe. 

“Do you like it? I’m going to get a tree added on my forearm later this week!” he announced

“Yeah it looks really cool, but look we’re closing soon so can you hurry and order,” you joked.

“I want chocolate,” Tyler announced.

“That’s it?”

“Yep, just good ol’ plain chocolate!” Ethan made him his ice cream while you rung him up, giving him the employee discount even though you shouldn’t have.

“Do you want anything?” Ethan asked Josh, and he shook his head no. He kept on looking at you, and his gaze was different than usual but you couldn’t place why.

You watched the boys leave, waving to them goodbye. It was finally time for closing, and Ethan showed you how to clean.

“Is it usually only two of us closing?” you wondered.

“Usually on Friday it’s more but we were slow last year so they didn’t give us many hours this year.”

“So no coworker hang out?”

“Nope, not tonight. Don’t sound too disappointed,” he joked.

It was around 10:15 when you guys finally closed. You watched Ethan lock the door and you said goodbye to him as he headed to his car. You started to walk to your car which was parked across the street when you noticed a figure standing next to the passenger door.

“Josh?”

“Hey, Y/L/N,” he smiled.

“What are you doing here?” you asked confused as to where Tyler was, and if he waited here for you to get off.

“Y/N, I haven’t been able to get you off of my mind. I’m sorry for everything I said that day,” he rubbed his arm as he spoke. His voice was soft, and you could tell he was being genuine.

“Good thing I haven’t been able to get you off my mind either,” you chuckled.

“Can I show you something?” Josh asked, grabbing your hand which sent sparks up your arm.

“Sure.”

“Here, get in my car.” He walked you over to his Jeep that was parked not very far away from yours. You didn’t bother asking where he was taking you, and you just sat back and waited.

It was only about a six-minute drive, and he pulled up on this gravel road. He got out and came over to open your door. He grabbed your hand again and led you down to a little entrance to a lake.

The view was breathtaking. There was a full moon tonight, and it was being perfectly reflected onto the bluish tinted water. You could hear the crickets chirping, and coyotes howling in the background. It was an eerie and mysterious feeling being out here, but Josh held your hand.

“It’s beautiful,” you whispered.

“Like you.”

You looked up at him and you couldn’t help but smile at his words. He looked handsome with the cool moonlight surrounding his face.

“I dare you to jump in the water,” you chuckled.

“No way, I’ll only do it if you do it!”

“Okay,” you shrugged. You started to take off your shirt.

“Wait, you’re serious?” he looked at you with mesmerization.

“I’m just trying to prove to you that I’m not so innocent as you think,” you winked and you threw your shirt at him. You slipped off your jeans and shoes leaving you standing there in your bra and panties.

“Y/N” Josh yelled your name but you were already running and jumping off the dock into the cold water. It was shocking and refreshing. You rose to the surface and spotted Josh who was now stripping his clothes as well. He stood there in just his boxers and you watched him jump in after you.

“It’s freezing!” his teeth chattered as he floated to the top. His curly hair was plastered to his forehead, and you couldn’t help but laugh. You swam over to Josh and placed your hand on his shoulders.

“You just kicked my foot,” you announced.

“I’m trying to not drown here, Y/L/N. It’s hard to tread water when you’re holding on to me!”

“Sorry, I don’t want to drown either!” you both were laughing, and swimming around. You were floating on your back, and Josh just watched you swim. You stopped for a little and threaded back to where Josh was holding on to the dock. You looked into his brown eyes that resembled earthy hues. You were lost, and you never wanted to be found.

“Y/L/N, I think I’m falling in love with you,” Josh whispered.

“Kiss me,” you blurted. Josh didn’t hesitate and before you knew it he was grabbing your cheek and pulling you close to him. You could feel his soft lips press against yours, and you could feel his tongue peeking through. You welcomed it in with a smile, and Josh continued to kiss you passionately.

You pulled away, out of breath from the kiss. It was everything you had dreamed of.

“How was that for your first real kiss?” he smirked.

“The best it could have ever been,” you planted another kiss on his lips as the moonlight lit up the water around you two.

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