#she liked me when she clukd hit me. maybe that's the problem? no one can hit me so they dont like me?
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#vent tw#who am i fucking kidding tbh. the mask is barely there. i have like one person who reaches out first. we barely talk.#my other friends hare me becuz im stupid and forgetful and cant speak right#i make everything worse#why am i even. like. bothering.#im scared though. scared to live scared to die scared to do anything.#and when i express the fear they chide me for being afraid#its a cycle#an oroboros. and i am the snake.#i need to bite down or let go but i dont know how to do either#i almost wish things could go back to the way they were. i was miserable yea but i was also too lost in my own drunkenness to really#comprehend the weight of it all#i dont want to be sober anymore#i want to drink and smoke and get fucked again#becuz at least i had a purpose. at least i made someone happy.#she liked me when she clukd hit me. maybe that's the problem? no one can hit me so they dont like me?#idk#i just wanna be liked. cared for. needed. wanted.#and no one wants me sober#whatever
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