#she just finished episode 8 last night

[lady-phasma]

My sister is finally watching House of the Dragon and one thing that continues to be brought up in our discussions is Matt Smith's acting through microexpressions. We're going to go back and discuss this shot, but I wanted to make the gif for it and post some of my thoughts about what makes it an incredibly important skill to have have especially for tight close-ups. Many actors have emotive faces (and many actors are better or worse than Matt), but this stands out as an example every time I rewatch episode three.

I slowed the gif to 90% speed just to make it a little easier to see how Daemon's emotions are conveyed since we can't pause gifs. The original clip is 5 seconds (the gif is appx 6 seconds) and there are three distinct emotions expressed in this short amount of time.

Although most of us will know the context, here's a brief reminder: Daemon has just read the scroll from Viserys denying him assistance against the Triarchy. Daemon turns his back on the gathered army and leans on the table.Then the shot cuts to this extreme close-up.

Daemon's first expression is communicated by looking off to a distant point and is contemplative. He is thinking about the contents of the letter, processing the information.

Next, he glances downward, expressing disappointment, which then transforms into a smile. This smile is peculiar and I can't come up with a single word to describe the emotion. It is the feeling of "why am I even surprised? I should have expected this." Mild humor mixed with confirmed (and disappointing) expectations. It also borders on resignation. I stopped the clip here, but the next instance is when he lets his rage out by beating the messenger with his helmet.

So why is this important? Character development doesn't only occur through dialogue, plot, or large actions. Yes, the action Daemon chose next develops his character immensely, but this tiny shot shows how he came to that action. Daemon, like every character in the series, has complex emotions that we don't always see without repeat viewings. Here, Matt does an excellent job of explaining what the current status is of Daemon's relationship with Viserys. As well as Daemon's frustration at always having to do everything himself (in his mind at least), and this helps the viewer understand why he goes after The Crab Feeder alone.

Moments such as this in any film/series are subtle enough that we often don't know that we have even noticed and interpreted them. However, we often do it in real time and it makes our experience of the characters and stories that much richer.

[airenyah]

A LOOK AT STYLE'S JOURNEY | Ep 8

(Overview | Ep1+2 | Ep3 | Ep4 | Ep5 | Ep6 | Ep7 | Ep9 | Ep10)

Oof. This took me way longer than planned. Partly, because I had some uni assignments to work on and partly, because I went home the weekend after episode 8 dropped and ended up binging the entirety of Star in My Mind with my mother. On her request, btw. Who am I to say no to my mother when she wants to watch a JoongDunk show for the 3rd time together. I actually meant to upload it a day or two ago, but then I kept realizing and noticing and remembering details that I really wanted to add, some of which were also language related, so I then needed to check with my Thai language correspondents which also took some time as I waited for their replies.

But here it finally is! I know in my last meta I said it was my longest one yet, but this one's even longer, actually. Watch my metas hit 20k words by the end of the series lmao. Anyway, enjoy. And apologies in advance if my ep9 meta is also late, since I had to finish this one first. I promise I'll try my best to get it done before ep10 <3

Pronoun situation: As usual, just assume Fadel and Style use the rude pronouns guu/mueng with each other unless I specify otherwise.

To recap: So Fadel and Bison found out. Fadel and Bison are mad. Fadel and Bison want to kill Kant and Style. Style was drugged, kidnapped, found himself tied up at a pool staring down the barrel of his own boyfriend's gun, survived, and then drove off into the sunset, uh, I mean went on a little road trip in search of his best friend and his boyfriend's brother/best friend's boyfriend. As bleak as things may seem with Style being back at square one with the added challenge that Fadel now actively wants to kill him, this, at the same time, may be one of the best things that has ever happened to Style, because finally everything is out in the open. Style no longer has any secrets to keep (except for the deal with the car) and he can finally be brutally honest in everything he says and everything he does.

No. 1: Midnight Mote– Oh Wait Wrong Show

We meet them as they're pulling into the parking lot of a motel. Since it seems to be pretty late at night, I think it's fairly safe to assume that they were driving all day, likely non-stop. The first thing out of Style's mouth is a horny line. "Why are we at a motel? Did you get turned on while we were on the way or what?" And just from that line alone we can actually see how far he's come since the beginning of the series and how far he's come in his feelings for Fadel too. Remember my first few metas about the first few episodes of the show and how I would go into whether Style really meant his flirty comment or not? I don't think in this moment Style was actually trying to seduce Fadel (we know how he acts when he does want to seduce him and we'll even get to see an example of it in a bit when they're in the room), but it's still very different from his flirty/horny comments in the first couple of episodes in the series where he also wasn't really genuinely trying to seduce Fadel. Back then, a lot of his comments were very loud in a performative kind of way, as if he was saying them for an audience, not because he actually meant what he said. This one here? There is absolutely none of that loud, performative energy to be found. No, Style makes this comment very casually, almost matter-of-factly even as if he's asking something like So, what do you want for dinner tonight?

It's no longer a performance to him. In fact, he's quite serious about it and while it was an offhanded rhetorical question, it still almost sounds like an honest question. The flirting is no longer a joke to Style the way it was in the first three episodes of the series. He genuinely wants to know. But Fadel shuts him down and orders him to get out of the car. Style is a bit annoyed at the dismissal, but by now he's also used to it. After all, he did spend four episodes doing nothing but hitting one wall after the other. And just like back then, he won't let Fadel shake him off that easily. So Style complains: "I’m just curious so I know what to expect. It’s not like I can just turn the switch on, you know?" Again, this is not a performance. In fact, this time around, he's even more serious than compared his comment before. He may not be planning on actively seducing Fadel right here right now in the car, but who is Style to say no if the opportunity to sleep with Fadel arises? For Style, sleeping with Fadel is absolutely on the table if Fadel makes the offer. And so Style lets him know. "I’m just curious so I know what to expect." Will you be sleeping with me? Are you planning on sleeping with me?

Fadel takes a moment to reply and there is an interesting expression on Style's face as he waits for an answer:

Style is watching him carefully, really observing Fadel's face. He's done this before when he's hit Fadel with a flirty or suggestive line, but where before his expression would always be one of excitement or amusement or curiosity or sometimes even smugness, this time it's completely serious. It's almost as if Style is searching for something. But searching for what?

As I mentioned above, I don't think Style is actively trying to seduce Fadel here. I think he's more testing the waters. Because while yes, Fadel has slept with him before and yes, Fadel is in love with him and Style knows it (he will later confirm it for himself at the end of the episode), the problem is that Fadel is also very pissed at him right now and is actively planning to kill him, has actively tried to kill him only hours ago, actually. If that doesn't send confusing signals, then I don't even know anymore. And so Style needs to figure out where exactly he stands with Fadel right now – that's what Style is searching for when he's staring at Fadel. He's trying to see how far Fadel has pushed him away now that the lies have come to light, is trying to find out how close Fadel will let him come now that Fadel has calmed down a bit from his tantrum at the pool. Will Fadel let Style get close enough again to maybe even be willing to sleep with him like before? Is their relationship maybe not in ruins yet? Has Fadel's anger faded enough? Does Style still have a chance with him? Is there a chance they can go back to the happiness they shared before all hell broke loose? This matters to Style and it matters a lot. And so he tries to look for the answers in Fadel's face as he waits for Fadel's reply. And after a moment, Fadel lifts his gun and hits him with:

I didn't take you here to sleep with you. กูไม่ได้พามึงมาเอาเนาะ [guu mâi dâai paa mueng maa ao nó] I - not - take - you - come - sleep with - [particle] Official subs: I’m not sleeping with you.

Sex is not the purpose for which Fadel made Style drive to a motel of all places. Fadel informs Style that this is where he's meeting Bison and repeats his order for Style to get out of the car. Style actually stares at Fadel for a second before he reacts:

This is the second right before Style turns his head and says he'll wait. And again I think this is him taking in Fadel's response and his brain working out where exactly Fadel has put him now. That's important info for Style to know. Style needs to understand where exactly he stands, because he needs to find out how much distance precisely it is that he has to overcome so that he can figure out a way to overcome that distance. Because Style doesn't want there to be any distance between the two of them at all. But Fadel clearly won't let Style get anywhere close right now. So Style turns his head and announces that he'll be waiting in the car. He's not in the mood to follow along, Fadel is a big boy and can go and get his brother by himself. Fadel, however, isn't in the mood to play either. He points his gun at Style's head again and tells him no. Style will not be waiting in the car. Style looks severely unimpressed.

Fadel orders Style to follow him, and in fact, not just to follow Fadel but walk in front of him, actually, thank you very much. And yes, Fadel does literally say "follow me", not "come along":

ตามกูมา [dtaam - guu - maa] follow - me - come Official subs: You come with me.

As a translation student I think it's a shame the translator didn't stick to a literal translation here, because I think it's pretty funny how Fadel is all "follow me" at first until he remembers that "following" implies walking behind someone and then changes his mind and tells Style to take the lead instead so that Fadel can actually keep an eye on him and threaten him with his gun if need may be. With Fadel ordering Style to walk behind him at first, I think it highlights his unspoken threat of "Walk in front of me (where I can see you)" even more and it's a shame the translator removed that. But despite the threat, Style just continues to be unimpressed. In fact, Fadel is really starting to get on Style's nerves now. And so he rolls his eyes and sighs the biggest sigh ever to make sure Fadel really can't miss how Style feels about this, how he feels about getting out of that car, how he feels about Fadel bossing him around and threatening him and waving a gun in his face.

Style is so fucking done with Fadel's stupid fucking act. And Style knows it's an act, he knows Fadel won't be killing him. At least not any time soon. And especially not right here in the parking lot of this motel. Fadel steps out of the car and Style watches him, then shakes his head, annoyed, before he follows Fadel's lead and gets out of the car as well.

They make their way towards the aunty and Fadel actually does fall behind Style as they walk. Once they reach the aunty, Fadel starts questioning her about Bison. She recognizes Bison on the photo, but hasn't seen him in a while. Aunty is worried and asks if he ran away from home. Style immediately jumps in and comes up with a reasonable story.

@secriden has an interesting thought about this:

[T]he story Style comes up with about why they're looking for a missing person on their own like this (instead of, y'know, going to the police like upright, non-hitman citizens would've) was really good to explain their urgency/frustration and preempt any suspicion so that the auntie is unlikely to report them to the cops. Style is actively, genuinely helping Fadel out and using his excellent skills at playing Asian aunties to full effect for him. Ugh, just look at how earnest and worried Style's expression is!? He totally disarms the auntie while I bet she would've been a lot more suspicious and distrustful if grumpy face on the left had come asking questions alone.

I think this is certainly an aspect of it, but I'm not sure how much of it is Style consciously doing this in order to help Fadel out and to keep the aunty from getting too suspicious and how much of it is Style acting on instinct. Not to mention, part of this is definitely also Style just being a chatty cat, ready to strike up a conversation with anyone who'll listen to him talk. Especially when it involves aunties that he can wrap around his finger with his charm. That is Style's personality after all.

I also love how Style drops the "boyfriend" without a second thought. Because obviously they are still boyfriends. Yes, Fadel drugged him and kidnapped him and pulled a gun on him and nearly killed him but never once did he utter the words "I'm breaking up with you" or "This relationship is over". So of course this relationship is very much still on. Why wouldn't it be?

Though let me just say, I don't think Style necessarily called Fadel his boyfriend deliberately in this moment in the sense of that he is actively trying to send some kind of underlying message to Fadel. I mean, in a way yes, but this boyfriend mention is very casual (as if it's the most self-evident thing in the world) and so I don't think his main goal here is to send some kind of deliberate pointed message along the lines of Do you hear that Fadel, I truly love you and I still consider you my boyfriend to Fadel, because if that were the case, he would have highlighted the word "boyfriend" more. Style will be calling Fadel his boyfriend very deliberately and pointedly later in the episode after a certain confrontation. But for now, this underlying message is more of a side thought.

Aunty asks if the two of them want a room. Style say yes. Fadel says no. Style insists. He's tired and there's no point in continuing their search for Bison right now. Fadel is stubborn. They have to keep going. Style starts getting overdramatic and flaunts his waist. Aunty supports Style. She refers to Style as Fadel's boyfriend. Style throws Fadel a pleased, warm look and raises his eyebrows at him. See? She's on my side. I'm winning this. Fadel says Style isn't his boyfriend. We don't even get to see Style's reaction to that claim, so I guess it couldn't have hit him too hard. Maybe he was even half expecting this sort of reaction with the way Fadel has been pulling back from him and has been rebuilding his walls.

Aunty tells them she'll be putting them in a special room and Fadel doesn't argue. Aunty presents them with lube and a condom. Style throws Fadel an amused and a little smug look.

No. 2: Of Mechanics and Race Car Beds

Fadel is having one of the worst nights of his life. That special room is very much not to his liking. Style, though, loves it. Obviously. Although, I think he also partly says it to be extra nice to the aunty to make up for Fadel being such a grumpy cat and partly as a way to get under Fadel's skin. The "Fast. Hard. Furious." part especially is a direct message to Fadel. Style is being a little shit again in order to get through to Fadel, but what's different now compared to the early episodes is that there is so now much more fondness that comes with it. When he smiles at Fadel afterwards, there is amusement in his expression, but moreover there is so much warmth and affection as well. There's even an air of playful innocence about it like Don't you agree, baby? 😇

The aunty leaves and Style comments on how he's never had sex in a car before (and to those who are calling bullshit on that statement, let me just point out: he said he never had sex in a car, he didn't say anything about never having sex with a car. I mean, we all saw how he touched Kant's car back in episode 1 🤭🤭🤭). Style takes off his shirt, throws it at Fadel, leans onto the windshield of the car and says some very flirty and suggestive things. Fadel finally gets up from his spot in the very last corner of the room, walks up to Style, grabs his hand and leads it down his own body. Then Fadel leans in for a kiss, only to handcuff Style to the bed.

This whole scene is very reminiscent of the kitchen scene at the start of episode 4. In both scenes Style says flirty and suggestive shit with the actual goal of getting into Fadel's pants, in both scenes Style makes a comment about how it's like a sex fantasy (Note: in episode 4 the subs say "wild", but since he is literally saying an English loanword I think you can hear it for yourself and don't need me to spell it out for you in Thai like I usually do), in both scenes Fadel is trying to push Style away, in both scenes Style is also trying to annoy Fadel in some way. And yet both of these scenes go very differently.

In my ep4 meta I discussed why Style genuinely meant all the flirting in the scene and how he was genuinely trying to get into Fadel's pants, but there is one aspect I actually didn't really mention, partly because I was focusing on other things and partly because back then I didn't yet have the comparison of how Style's flirting would be like once they were in an actual relationship and real romantic feelings were involved. I've mentioned before how when Style is saying suggestive things without actually meaning them in the earlier episodes his voice will be louder and his tone much more performative while when he is sincere in his sexual flirting his voice will go more quiet. When Style goes into his whole "I know a guy like you just needs a little nudge" spiel in episode 4 his voice is a lot more quiet than it usually is compared to the insincere flirting which is why (amongst other reasons I discuss in my ep4 meta) I think he definitely meant it, but (and this following part I didn't mention back then) there is something about his tone of voice and also the way he grabs Fadel's crotch in such a rough, unsexy way that makes me think he was also trying to piss Fadel off a bit. It's not just flirting, but it's a challenge too. Because Fadel keeps claiming he didn't miss Style when Style failed to show up at Fadel's usual spots, keeps claiming that Style is a only a bother to him. And so I think, as much as Style was genuinely up for sleeping with Fadel for a second time (the same way something else was, ahem, up that morning when Style awoke from his blissful dream), I think he was also using the chance to try and get under Fadel's skin again, trying to break down Fadel's walls even more, trying to make him admit that he was thinking about Style and that he had grown to like him.

Now in episode 8 Style doesn't need Fadel to admit his feelings anymore. Fadel is his boyfriend already, they've slept together on multiple occasions, and have also gotten to know each other on a deeper emotional level. Yes, Fadel has put his walls back up now that the truth is out, but now Style also knows what lies behind those walls. And so in this scene in the motel room he actively annoys Fadel on purpose, first of all by being flirty in the first place (Style knows exactly that Fadel isn't here to sleep with him since Fadel explicitly told him so when they arrived) and second of all by throwing his shirt at Fadel, which I think is an attempt at kind of connecting to/making contact with Fadel who retreated all the way into the last corner of the room and an attempt at getting some kind of reaction/engagement out of him. And what I've also seen someone note somewhere in the tags is how Style's shirt says "control". Style rids himself of "control" and throws it at Fadel. And we see that in the way he acts.

In the kitchen, even if he let Fadel take the lead once Fadel grabbed his waist and put him onto the table, in the beginning it was still Style who initiated everything, it was Style who moved closer to Fadel and who started touching him. Now in the motel, Style lets Fadel fully be in control from the start. Instead of getting closer to Fadel, Style now stays put exactly where he is. Instead of touching Fadel suggestively as Style did in the kitchen and is generally keen on doing whenever he genuinely wants to get into Fadel's pants he leans on onto the windshield of the car and puts himself on display completely, flaunts himself, offers himself to Fadel in a way that says here I am, take me any time. Style stays put, doesn't touch Fadel, and instead waits as he leaves the choice to engage entirely up to Fadel. Fadel can have him whenever he's ready. Style won't force Fadel before he is ready but he will make sure that Fadel knows loud and clear that Style's offer is here.

Style's tone is also fully grounded and serious now as well as very calm. It's the complete opposite of his loud, showy, performative behavior from the first three episodes when he was trying to "seduce" Fadel and was spewing insincere words. And when he smiles at Fadel, he's kinda amused but there is also so much warmth behind in his expression:

Fadel finally gets up and engages with Style and it's interesting, because back during episode 4 in the kitchen I already thought Style was serious about hooking up with Fadel and it's just so cool to see just how much more serious Style actually gets now that strong romantic feelings are involved. If you watch the kitchen scene from episode 4 and the motel scene from episode 8 back to back you can absolutely tell in which of these scenes Style is full on in love. And what else is interesting is that even though in the kitchen scene from episode 4 Style 10000% means every single thing he says and genuinely wants to hook up with Fadel right then and there, there is still some sort of performative air to his lines when he says "Oh, we’re doing it in the kitchen?" and "Wild. I like it". In episode 4, Style had just found out from the market aunty that his strategy of staying away did have an effect on Fadel, but when Style calls him out on it, Fadel keeps rejecting him and keeps telling him to piss off. And while Style's gut feeling tells him that Fadel does feel something for him, Style doesn't actually know. Because Fadel keeps saying otherwise and keeps pushing him away. But in the kitchen Style genuinely wants something from Fadel and I think when Style makes his comments while Fadel is putting him on the table his words aren't entirely grounded not because he's being insincere, but because he's trying to play it cool. I think he's trying to hide how desperate he is for Fadel to reciprocate his blossoming feelings.

Now in episode 8, though? Style is no longer desperate for it. Sure, Fadel is currently pushing him away again all the time, but it's okay. Because unlike in episode 4, Style now knows for a fact that they're in love. That Fadel is in love with him, too. Fadel is mad at him right now, but that will pass. So when Fadel comes over to (seemingly) go along with Style's seduction, Style doesn't say a word. He doesn't need to anymore. He doesn't have anything to prove anymore. He is confident about their mutual feelings and their relationship now.

Something that both the ep4 kitchen scene and the ep8 motel room scene, and actually also the ep3 storage room scene share is how Style lets Fadel take the lead. Style isn't forcing himself onto Fadel, he sits back and lets Fadel do whatever he wants to do to him.

Fadel grabs Style's hand and leads it down his chest. Style follows with curiosity, looking pleased, clearly happy that Fadel is actually engaging instead of pushing him away and definitely also excited about the prospect of getting some. Fadel leans in for a kiss and Style follows and—

Before Style knows it, Fadel has handcuffed him to the bed. Kissing is off the table, it seems. In episode 4, Style was extremely hurt by Fadel's rejection. Now in episode 8, he's still pretty miffed about it, but he is in no way as hurt as he was that time in the kitchen. Because by now Fadel has done this to him enough times that he's used to it. And also, as I mentioned before, their relationship is on a very different level now. Fadel handcuffs Style and Style is disappointed, but not surprised. Mostly he is just kinda annoyed that Fadel is still keeping up this stupid act. "What the hell? I ain��t running away, you know?"

In episode 4, Style ran off, hurt and humiliated and very enraged. In episode 8, Style stays put. Not that he could have gotten very far even if he had wanted to run off, but Style genuinely doesn't want to. In episode 4, Style spent quite a long time being angry at Fadel for dumping him like that. In episode 8, Style is annoyed for like a second upon realizing what Fadel's plan had been all along, but then he immediately gets over it and meets Fadel with love and warmth instead. Fadel says "I don’t trust you" and Style does talk back, but it's more of an affectionate teasing than an attempt at instigating an actual argument. Style almost smiles at Fadel after he says "And if I need to take a piss?" Fadel lets him know that he will be uncuffing him for that if need may be and Style lowers his gaze. He sees the complimentary gifts and playfully starts teasing Fadel about using them. And unlike earlier, I think this time with that kind, warm smile Style is throwing Fadel, Style's comments about chains and whips and using the complimentary gifts weren't actually meant as genuine seduction. No, I think that was Style's way of saying Hey, I'm not upset with you for chaining me to the bed, I'm not holding that against you. But would you please just drop the act and stop pushing me away all the time?

But Fadel grabs his chin and tells no, he will not be dropping the act: "Didn’t you say you’re tired? I bet it’s because you run your mouth too much. Shut up and go to sleep." Style smiles at Fadel again towards the end of Fadel's new rejection, but that smile falls as soon as Fadel walks away.

And I don't think it's because Style is frustrated that he won't be getting laid that evening after all. I think Style is genuinely disappointed that Fadel continues to push him away like that, that Fadel keeps on being stubborn and refusing to communicate and engage with Style no matter how clear Style makes it that he's not holding a grudge about anything that happened that day, from the drugging to the kidnapping to the attempted murder to the blue-balling. And in addition I think Style is also a little hurt that Fadel won't just trust him at least a little bit and hurt that Fadel keeps acting so distant and stand-offish. Style just wants his boyfriend back.

No. 3: Deliver A Message

Now this scene is interesting because it left some people confused from what I've seen. Is Style being serious with his crying or not? Is he playing Fadel? Especially with the upbeat music that was put in the background at the beginning of the scene. There's another reason why I think this particular scene is confusing (and which was the reason why it confused me in the beginning as well), but that's a topic for a whole separate post. (Side note: While I was still working on this meta, I actually ended up getting an anon about this crying scene and sooo this "separate post" might actually follow at some point, even if I hadn't been planning on actually writing it when I was typing the previous sentence. Stay tuned.) I think multiple readings of this scene can co-exist, but for now I just wanna share what I personally think is happening in this scene.

First and foremost let me just say that I don't think Style is necessarily playing Fadel. If anything, he may be playing the drama up a bit like he tends to do, because that's simply just his personality. He has a tendency to be a bit more dramatic then necessary. But even if he is playing it up, I think it absolutely comes from a genuine place. After all, Style is only human and he has had quite an eventful day. Let's recap...

The day started with Style showing up at the hospital, already antsy because he couldn't reach Kant which was worrisome especially in the context of Fadel's threatening warning of "the two of us have business to finish with the two of you" from the night before. So Style shows up at the hospital, only to find out that his best friend was kidnapped by an actual assassin who is very capable of murdering Kant (Style doesn't know Bison as well as he knows Fadel, so Style has no way to tell whether Bison loves Kant enough to spare Kant's life the way Style can tell with Fadel). And immediately after that he gets ambushed and drugged, which absolutely is a traumatizing thing to go through and certainly must have had some effect on Style, if just subconsciously. Then, he finds himself tied up naked at a pool, which again, would generally be a traumatizing situation to find yourself in, especially when someone you know is very capable of taking other people's lives comes and continuously waves a gun into your face. And yes, by now Style knows Fadel pretty well and so he didn't feel too threatened, but Fadel was also really angry and Fadel also did punch Style in the gut that one time when Style was overly confident that Fadel liked him enough not to harm him. And I think, even if on a surface level Style didn't feel too threatened by Fadel (because Style has learned to read him) on a subconscious level the knowledge that Fadel certainly could and would shoot at any moment if he got too angry is still there. And right at the end of that scene there was a point where Style was genuinely scared for his life. Again, that's pretty traumatizing. And then he spent all day in a tight space with someone who is angry at him and keeps pointing a gun on him. And then he got chained again. And got pushed away by his boyfriend over and over again. Style is only human. And it makes complete sense for all the emotions that he repressed while he was playing it cool in order to get through these traumatizing events to come bubbling up to a surface level now at night where he finally gets to rest.

Lying there, in bed, at night, about to fall asleep, his brain is finally not busy with keeping him alive anymore. His brain finally has the time and the opportunity to process everything that has happened in the last 24ish hours. And as he is lying there in bed his brain is probably playing back everything that has happened and is coming up with a lot of "what if" scenarios. What if Fadel had actually killed him at the pool? What if Fadel will actually kill him in the future just like he actually did punch him in the storage room when Style was confident that he wouldn't? Style's death would come with consequences. We've already heard and seen a lot about Style's loving relationship with his dad and it's no wonder Style thinks of him now. Because Style's death would hurt his dad a lot. Style's dad already lost the mother of his son, now he might lose his only son too? The only family member left in his immediate family? If Style does get murdered, he doesn't wanna die without saying goodbye to his dad. And the only person who would be able to deliver that goodbye message is his own murderer.

I don't think Style meant to cry in the beginning. I do think he was fairly serious in the beginning, but I don't think he was planning on crying about it. It's only when he remembers his mother that it triggers the need to cry, only when he suddenly arrives at his own grief and his own trauma about his mother's death that the tears start flowing. And in my opinion those are real, genuine tears. We've seen Style fake-cry before, we know what his performative crying looks like. Style is a terrible fake-crier and we saw this in episode 4 when he showed up at the Rise Up group meeting for the first time and "cried" about his dog. The crying in the motel bed? Is very far from that.

And it's not just us, the viewers, who know what Style's fake crying looks like. Fadel was at that support group meeting too. Fadel also knows how Style fake-cries. And so when Style starts to cry, Fadel can tell the difference. And it has an effect on him. Except he doesn't really know how to deal with this situation, because Style crying hadn't been part of his plans of kidnapping and killing Style, hadn't been part of his plans to push Style as far away again as possible. And so he awkwardly asks "Are you crying?" (I think a different way to phrase this question would also be "You're crying?") And Style replies in honesty: "Duh. I know I talk all big, but even I am afraid of death."

In the last 24ish hours Style got to feel genuine fear for his life and Style doesn't want to die. He is not suicidal. And yes, he is cocky and confident, sometimes overly so and yes, despite all the threats to his life Style simply went about his day as if it's nothing, but as I said, Style still went through a few traumatizing situations in a very short period of time. Of course, it all had an affect on him. Of course part of him would be afraid. Style is human after all. He is human and he is feeling emotions. And he would really need some comfort right now.

Except all he gets is a "stop being dramatic" and an "I don't wanna listen". So Style turns away from Fadel and cries alone in the little corner of privacy he can get in the shared bed that he is currently chained to and can't leave. Style can neither see nor hear nor feel the hand Fadel is reaching out to him, is unaware of just how much Fadel is longing to give him that comfort Style so desperately needs before Fadel's mind wins over his heart and makes him pull back again.

No. 4: Road Trip Time

It's the next day, Style has rested and from what we can see Fadel has also stopped waving a gun into Style's face almost 24/7. Style is clearly having a blast driving through the country. However, the car is tried now and refuses to continue on. Turns out the radiator is broken. Fadel mocks Style for being a bad mechanic and instead of taking offense, Style comes back with sass and a Harry Potter reference and mimics shooting Fadel. Remember the "Style + guns" counter from last episode's meta? I know, I know, here in this case it's supposed to be a wand and not a gun, but especially with the sound effect the whole thing is quite reminiscent of a gun shot, so I'm counting it. Our "Style + guns" counter is now at 4.

There is no phone signal, so they have no way of calling for help. Style tells Fadel off for insisting on taking a short cut and Fadel brings up the police. Style responds: "What are you worrying about? I told you I wouldn’t run. What do I have to do for you to trust me?" Fun fact, his literal wording when he says "What are you worrying about" is actually "What are you afraid of?" or "What are you scared of?":

มึงกลัวอะไรอ่ะ [mueng - gluua - àrai - àh] you - fear, be scared of - what - [particle]

What I love about this is that Style doesn't let Fadel's verbal stabs dampen his good mood too much. He doesn't respond in anger and he's not really annoyed. In fact, when he tells Fadel that he's not running away, he even sounds a bit amused. And when he asks "What do I have to do for you to trust me?", it's not a verbal stab back at Fadel but it's a genuine question. Style honestly wants to know. Fadel tells him "I can no longer trust a single word that comes out of your mouth."

Style smiles and shakes his head in a mix of amusement (because of course Fadel would say that) and exasperation (because Style is getting quite tired of being back at square one and having to go through all the steps again). Style doesn't fight Fadel, though, and instead asks him what he wants to do. However, there is a bit of a bite to his voice, especially in the last sentence when he asks Fadel what he plans to do if now, wait for a car to pass by or what? He patiently waits for Fadel's reply. When Fadel tells Style to push the car, Style is obviously not very into that idea but instead of resisting by starting a fight he starts getting over-dramatic about potentially passing out, about the hot weather, about being hungry and so on. Look how poor I am, have some mercy on me. Fadel is unimpressed. He tells Style to stop whining and reminds him that he currently has just one good hand. Style yields, but not without sassing Fadel first: "I’ll just die of exhaustion before I ever meet your bullet." Fadel brushes past him to get into the driver's seat (I'm assuming to control the wheels of the car while Style is pushing?) and Style walks behind the car and starts pushing while they continue to bicker.

We don't know how long Style was pushing the car for, but it must have been a while because when Style asks for a break, the road is no longer made of asphalt like it was when the car broke down. Fadel doesn't talk back when Style wants to take a break, instead he wordlessly steps out of the car and lets him have it. On the way to the back of the car, Fadel pulls a paper bag and a water bottle out of his backpack and goes to lean against the trunk of the car while taking a sip. Style eyes the water bottle and Fadel notices. After a moment of hesitation, Fadel somewhat begrudgingly holds the water out to Style. Style doesn't immediately take it, but instead throws Fadel a look, checking if Fadel really is letting him have some water. Style only grabs the bottle after Fadel explicitly tells him to take it. Style obeys and immediately starts teasing Fadel: "Thought you’d let me die of thirst. Either a hitman like you still have his humanity, or you’re in love with me." Despite talking big about killing Style and shoving a gun into his face on multiple occasions, Fadel still cares about Style and his well-being and Style knows it. After the teasing words are out of Style's mouth, he attentively observes Fadel's reaction because he also knows Fadel would never admit to this out loud:

While Style is talking, Fadel turns around to grab some food out of the paper bag. When he turns back he makes a face at Style's words, then wordlessly leans back against the trunk again and takes a bite, ignoring Style completely. Style eyes the snack in Fadel's hands. Then he says: "You’re well prepared, huh? To think you packed snacks and drinks."

I personally think that Style wasn't just thirsty, but also hungry. He did do some physical work under the heat of the sun, after all. I think his words were an implicit prompt for Fadel to not just share his water, but also his food. But Fadel doesn't share, he just responds with "I am always well prepared. I have plans for everything". It's kinda funny he's saying this because it's not like Style was even given the chance to prepare for a trip in the first place. It's not like Style showed up at the hospital with a bag full of travel essentials in anticipation of getting kidnapped and going on an impromptu road trip.

Fadel continues with a stab at Style: "If it wasn’t for you and your friend, my brother and I would have had our long-awaited break already." Style almost rolls his eyes. He's so over this. What happened, happened and there's no way to change the past. All you can do is go forward from there. "Let it go. Shouldn’t you be looking forward to the future? Focus on the future. Let go of your grudge. What good would a grudge do—" Style doesn't get further than that because suddenly there is a bun in his mouth. And just in case the message isn't clear enough, Fadel also explicitly tells him to shut up. Style complains about Fadel's methods. "Couldn’t you have been more gentle?" This is actually funnier to me in Thai:

If you want to feed me, you can feed me gently. No need to be so forceful. มึงอยากป้อนมึงป้อนเบาๆ ได้ไม่ต้องแรงเลย [mueng - yàak - bpôn - mueng - bpôn - bao bao - dâai - mâi - dtông - raeng - loiie] you - want - feed - you - feed - gently - can - not - need - harsh - [particle]

The bun did not manage to shut Style up, on the contrary. Style just keeps talking. "I’m getting paranoid, though. We broke down in the middle of the woods. This is just like the beginning of a horror film. A murderer is gonna come after us in a minute." Fadel gently reminds him of his request to shut up: "The first to get murdered would be a yapper like you." Again, I wanna share my own translations of this bickering (Fadel's line specifically), because it amuses me how Fadel is more or less continuing Style's sentence but turns it against him:

S: A murderer will come and kill us any second now. อีกแป๊บนึงก็จะมีฆาตกรมาฆ่าพวกเรา [ìik bpáep nueng - gôh - jà mii - kâat-dtà-gon - maa - kâa - pûuak rao] in a moment - [sentence link] - will be - murderer - come - kill - us F: And will kill a yapper like you first. แล้วก็จะฆ่าคนพูดมากอย่างมึงเป็นคนแรก [láew gôh - jà - kâa - kon pûut mâak - yàang - mueng - bpen kon râek] and - will - kill - person who talks a lot - like - you - as the first person

I think by now everyone's made fun of Style for being afraid of a murderer when there is an actual murderer right by his side, but the thing is, it is quite interesting how fear is becoming a theme for Style this episode, something that @secriden goes into in this post. Something else she also points out is how Style not only worries about getting murdered himself, but also about Fadel getting murdered too:

[I]t's interesting how Style talks about being afraid of dying generally and specifically how harm could come to them from an external source. How the way his fear is orientated puts Fadel on the inside ("a murderer is gonna come after us"), on Style's side and someone Style wants to keep safe. And when Fadel makes the kind of snide joke about letting the hypothetical cannibals kill and cook Style, Style's solution still involves staying by Fadel's side. At no point does he ever stop referring to Fadel and him as a single unit, even after Fadel very explicitly frames Style as the only victim.

In this moment though, Style isn't actually afraid of a hypothetical murderer suddenly jumping out of the woods to kill them both. So when Fadel responds with one of his usual comments that show how much he "dislikes" Style, Style lets it go and instead continues a different fight: he doesn't wanna keep pushing the car. He did it to humor Fadel, but there really is no point in continuing to push a broken car through the middle of nowhere. Fadel refuses to leave his car. Style starts talking him into leaving it there for now and coming back for it. Fadel threatens Style once again: "If my car was stolen, not only would I kill you, I’d take a car from your garage." Style is very unimpressed by this threat. "Take it. Take them all. You own my life."

Fun fact, this is the literal translation of when he says the "own my life" part:

You already have control over my life. มึงก็คุมชีวิตกูอยู่แล้วนี่ [mueng - gôh - kum - chii-wít guu - yùu - láew - nîi] you - [sentence link] - (have) control - my life - [aux] - already - [interjection]

It's interesting, because being in control of something doesn't necessarily mean you own it. Style's life is still very much his own, but he's willing to give it all to Fadel: "Take my cars, my body, my heart. Take everything." And yes, he is mostly sassing Fadel with these words, but there is also a certain seriousness to it. Fadel can have especially Style's body and Style's heart. Fadel can have 100% of Style. Style has made that decision long ago and he's still set on it, despite or maybe even especially because of everything that has happened since. Style's body and Style's heart are entirely free for Fadel to take. It's a sincere offer and it's on Fadel to take it up. Fadel stares at Style in an attempt to figure him out. Then he goes to get his backpack, walks back over to Style and grabs the water bottle out of his hands and then starts walking down the path. Style follows as soon as he realizes that Fadel is listening to Style's suggestion of leaving the car there for now.

No. 5: Murder House

Again we don't really know how much time has passed but at some point Fadel and Style find a house. Style makes a joke about a cannibal family living inside and while I doubt he actually believed in the cannibal family, I do think he's a lot more anxious now than he was about the hypothetical murderer by the car. Fadel replies with a joke of his own to really underline his alleged disdain for Style: "Good. I’ll ask them to cook you. I’m getting hungry." Style doesn't think it's funny and says "Don’t say that. It’s scary." Fun fact, in Thai Style doesn't just imply that he's scared by calling the situation/the thought of a cannibal family scary but he explicitly says that he's scared:

I'm scared for real. กูกลัวจริงนะเว้ย [guu - gluua - jing - ná wóiie] I - be scared - true, (for) real - [particle]

His anxiety gets even more apparent when he suggests returning to the road. Fadel doesn't believe in Style's creative imaginations but does tell him that if a murderer actually shows up he'll shoot them. Then Fadel pulls out his gun just in case (and potentially also to make Style feel more protected) and starts walking towards the house. Style follows, not very reassured. We can tell that his anxiety has grown from the way how at the beginning of the scene Style and Fadel were walking side by side and Style was walking even slightly in front of Fadel but when they walk up to the house Style is now walking behind Fadel instead:

They make their way towards the front door and Fadel knocks and calls out to someone inside. There's no answer. Style is getting more anxious by the minute and urges Fadel to leave: "Hey, it’s not too late to turn back." Fadel ignores him and starts knocking and calling again. There is still no answer. Style hates it. "This is getting scary," he says and I think that this is the point where his growing anxiety turns into genuine fear. Fadel pulls at the door which actually opens up. "What are you doing?" Style asks and his voice sounds really stressed now. Fadel walks inside the house without hesitation. Style immediately follows, but scolds Fadel for trespassing. Style would rather be anywhere else right now than here. Fadel turns his head to Style and says "I don't care." Or rather he says:

You think I'm scared? แล้วมึงคิดว่ากูกลัวป่ะ [láew - mueng - kít - wâa - guu - gluua - bpà] and - you - think - that - I - (be) scared - ?

Style swallows. Fadel continues to call out for someone. Style squints at him. He wants to leave. Suddenly a baseball comes down the stairs. Style jumps and yells. Fadel's hand goes to his gun, ready to pull it any moment. A second later the baseball is followed by a guy who is being chased by another guy brandishing the bat to that baseball. The first guy goes to hide behind Style and with that Fadel and Style find themselves in the middle of a domestic argument. The baseball guy, Popcorn, yells at his partner for a bit and then moves to attack him with the bat. Despite Style's initial fear walking up to the house, instead of shaking the guy off and getting out of the way he reacts by acting as a human shield, putting his arms out in a conciliatory gesture and suggesting to talk it out over using violence. Somewhere in this series there is a point to be made about Style having a tendency to act like a mediator (when he's not actively picking the fight himself) and if I wasn't so busy with uni assignments and my meta series, that would certainly be a meta post I'd be looking into making.

It's only when Style starts speaking that it fully registers for Popcorn that there are currently random people standing in his house. He starts asking who they are and how they got into his house and Style stutters, completely overwhelmed by the situation and certainly not any less afraid. Before Style has managed to form a proper thought Popcorn accuses them of being his partner's side bits. This immediately has Style stressed again and he yells "no" over and over again. Popcorn isn't convinced and goes for another attack with the baseball bat. It's a bit unclear whether Popcorn had planned to attack only one of them or maybe all three of them but either way, the way Style was standing he definitely would have been the first in line to get hit. Fadel pulls his gun even before Popcorn has managed to take a swing at Style. Style stops yelling and stares at the gun in shock. Popcorn drops his bat on the spot and retreats back to the stairs. His partner comes out from his hiding spot behind Style to follow Popcorn. Together they attempt to scramble up the stairs. Style stands still, completely frozen in place, staring at the gun for a few seconds until he finally turns his head to the stairs to watch the odd pair get away from the gun.

I think there are multiple factors to Style's shock here: his anxiety had already started even before they'd entered the house and it only grew from there. Then, Popcorn and Jimmy's appearance hit them both out of nowhere and Style really got roped into it even more than Fadel did with Jimmy grabbing Style first to use him as a human shield and then Popcorn also almost assaulting Style with a baseball bat. I think part of Style freezing is the left-over shock from Jimmy and Popcorn's initial attacks. It all happens very quickly, after all. In fact, Fadel's gun is out before Style has even had the time to properly process the fact that he was about to die by baseball bat. And so I think part of Style staring at the gun is him reacting to Fadel's movement in general and then Style's brain using the sudden break in action to catch up with everything that was happening in the last couple of seconds. Wait, I'm being attacked with a baseball bat. Wait, there is a movement next to me. Wait, the baseball bat attack stopped. Wait, there is a gun. Wait, the attackers are gone. Wait, the gun was protecting me. Wait, what are these two weirdos doing, where are these two weirdos going.

Style's eyes widen a bit as he turns his head to watch Popcorn and Jimmy scramble up the stairs and he doesn't look that shocked anymore or even terrified. He squints his eyes a little and it looks like he's he's in thought, like he's trying to figure something out.

And I think there are a number of things he's trying to figure out. Like, what the fuck to make of Jimmy and Popcorn. Who the fuck those weirdos are, where the fuck they came from, and where the fuck they are going again. Why the fuck they attacked Fadel and Style, but especially Style like this. In the above gif I think Style's brain has finally finished processing what has just happened, is finally all caught up and I think Style actually isn't all that afraid of the gun in this moment because he does realize that the gun did just save him (them) from dying by baseball bat a moment ago. And Fadel did say earlier that he would shoot anyone trying to murder Style (them).

And another thing that I think Style is trying to figure out is whether Jimmy and Popcorn's lives are in danger now with Fadel's gun on them. When Style's eyes widen it's almost as if he's thinking Wait, I just nearly died and Fadel protected me from them and when he squints his eyes it's like Who are these people? Is Fadel actually gonna shoot them now? Do I have to go from worrying about being killed by them to worrying about them being killed?

No. 6: Mirror Mirror on the Wall

Fadel doesn't shoot them. Instead, he has Style tie them to the piano. I do think it's kinda funny how Fadel tells Style "If you’re done, go look for what you need. Hurry up" and Style just nods and sits down on the sofa instead. So much for hurrying up.

Popcorn starts lamenting his pain dramatically. Neither Style nor Fadel are in the mood to listen to a domestic quarrel. Popcorn goes on and on about how Jimmy cheated on him and Jimmy says "They all meant nothing to me". In Thai he actually says:

They were just people I was chatting with. มันก็แค่คนคุย [man - gôh - kâe - kon kui] he/she/they - just - people one chats with

I asked my friend about คนคุย [kon kui] and he explained it to me as "someone you talk to/flirt with (but something serious is not (yet) happening)". So the original is much more vague about how deep Jimmy's betrayal really runs. There's a chance that Jimmy actually did cheat on Popcorn, but there's also a chance that Jimmy was just talking to them without the intent of having a thing with them and Popcorn just took it the wrong way and made a big deal out of it. Personally, my guess is Jimmy did do something for Popcorn to have a legit reason to be hurt, because later Jimmy does talk about trying his best and having been lost, but I also think he might not be as much of a (serial?) cheater as Popcorn is making him out to be in his anger.

Jimmy assures Popcorn that he is serious with Popcorn, but Popcorn doesn't believe him and cries "You were never serious with me! You made me fall for you and then betrayed me". Don't mind me putting the Thai wording here. It will be relevant later (and also don't worry about the orange bit for now, this will also be explained later).

You tricked me into loving you and being crazy about you and then you do this. มึงอ่ะมาหลอกให้กูรักกูหลง มึงก็ทำยังเงี้ย [mueng - àh - maa - lòhk - hâi - guu - rák - guu - lŏng • mueng - gôh - tam - yang-ngíia] you - [particle] - come - trick, deceive - that - I - love - I - be crazy about • you - [sentence link] - do - like this

And this is the moment when Fadel throws Style a look. Style turns his head to look at Fadel as well. Message received.

Jimmy begs for Popcorn's forgiveness but Popcorn is still too upset and in his anger cries out: "The likes of you don’t deserve second chances. The likes of you who lead people on deserve nothing but death!" I'm gonna share a more literal translation again:

There are no chances for bad people. โอกาส​มันไม่ได้​มีไว้สำหรับ​คนเลว [oh-gàat - man - mâi dâai - mii - wái - săm-ràp - kon leow] chance - it - not - have - keep - for - bad people People that trick others into loving them all deserve to die! คนที่หลอกให้คนอื่นรัก สมควรให้ตายไปให้หมด [kon - tîi - lòhk - hâi - kon èun - rák • sŏm-kuuan - hâi - dtaai bpai hâi mòt] people - that - trick - that - others - love • deserve - that - die - all

It's no wonder that this is the thing that makes Fadel, who knows a thing or two about being tricked into loving someone, get up and offer a free kill. Style immediately jumps to his feet and reaches out an arm to Fadel in order to pacify him and to stop him from killing Jimmy. Because Style knows full well that Fadel is perfectly capable of doing so without batting and eye. And again we see Style take on the role of a mediator. Popcorn backs down and admits he was just being dramatic and doesn't actually want his partner to die. But for Fadel it's personal: "But he lied to you." Or Thai he says:

But he deceived you. แต่มันหลอกคุณนะ [dtàe - man - lòhk - kun - ná] but - he - deceive, trick - you - [particle]

Fadel points out the tricking part specifically and again we as well as Style get a hint about what exactly Fadel has been upset about and it ain't the snitching to the police. We aren't shown Style's reaction here but I think it's safe to assume he heard Fadel's words loud and clear considering he is standing right next to Fadel. Popcorn tries to calm Fadel down again by explaining they argue all the time and repeating that he doesn't actually want his partner to die. Fadel looks at them, his expression serious, his gun still pointed. Style observes Fadel carefully, watching his every move:

I think Style is very much afraid in this moment. But I don't think he's afraid of Fadel, I think he's afraid for him. And afraid for the people in front of them. After all, Style doesn't want others to be harmed. We see this over and over again in the way he threw himself into the fight at the host club before he knew Fadel was perfectly capable of fighting for himself, we see this in the way Style grabbed the gun at the bowling alley and pointed it at the shooter to keep him from doing any more harm than he had already caused and we see it now in the way Style immediately jumps to his feet, arm stretched out towards Fadel to try his best to interfere at any second if need may be. Style is afraid for Jimmy and Popcorn, because he knows full well their lives are in actual danger. And Style is afraid for Fadel, because he also knows how much pain this assassin life has caused him and he wants Fadel to quit for his (Fadel's, that is) own well-being. And Fadel's well being is something that is deeply important to Style. Style implicitly told Fadel to quit killing in episode 5 already and later this episode he will explicitly tell Fadel to quit killing again. And every shot that Fadel takes is a step in the wrong direction.

And another aspect that comes to play here is that Style is afraid of dying. This episode has been dealing with Style's very real fear and this fear has taken form in different ways: We started with Style being afraid of his own death by Fadel's hand (last episode for a moment at the pool, this episode when he was crying in the motel bed), then we saw him being afraid of his own death by someone else's hand (the fictional murderer that his mind kept imaging) and now we see him afraid of someone else's death. And yes, the first two were about Style's own death, so why would he be afraid dying now when this situation is about someone else's death, not his own? The thing is, though... Is it really? Is this really about someone else's death? Because the person Fadel is about to kill is Style's mirror. Who is to say that after Fadel has taken care of Style's mirror his emotions won't get the better of him and he'll turn around and shoot the real Style in his hurt, too, while he's at it? So Style doesn't take his eyes off from Fadel, because his own life is still at stake too and how Fadel acts now will give Style a hint about how determined Fadel still is to kill him.

But then Jimmy suddenly changes course. He is willing to accept death if it means Popcorn will be safe. Style is still standing there with his arm halfway up, still tense, still ready to jump into action if Fadel pulls the trigger while Jimmy goes into a plea for Popcorn's life. Jimmy ends it by announcing that he loves Popcorn, which is yet another sore point for Fadel. "If you love him, why did you fool him?" Fun fact, Fadel is so pissed that he actually uses rude pronouns with Jimmy:

ถ้ามึงรักเขามึงจะหลอกเขาทำไม [tâa - mueng - rák - kăo - meung - jà - lòhk - kăo - tam-mai] if - you - love - him - you - will - trick, deceive - him - why

Also, this time we do get to see Style's reaction to Fadel's words:

I think Style partly throws Fadel that look because he is still afraid that Fadel is so angry that he might actually kill Jimmy and is ready to interfere at any time and part of that look is Style taking in and piecing together what exactly Fadel is and has been upset about. During this entire conversation it's always been the topic of loving and tricking and tricking into loving that Fadel's had the strongest emotional response to. That's what Fadel is upset about.

Jimmy doesn't reply to Fadel, doesn't explain himself. Instead he turns to Popcorn and goes into a heartfelt apology. The two of them bicker for a bit. Style's has lowered his arm even more now, but it's still in perfect position to make a grab at Fadel any second if need may be. He checks on Fadel again when Jimmy asks Popcorn to let Fadel shoot him if Popcorn doesn't believe that Jimmy's love is true. The husbands-to-be bicker some more and then Jimmy dramatically offers himself up as a sacrifice again, orders Fadel to shoot him. Fadel clenches his jaw. He knows he can't. He looks over at Style. Style is staring at Fadel intently, observing him, watching him carefully.

And again, I think this stare is about both, checking whether Fadel is still gonna go in for the kill and also Style trying to read Fadel, trying to figure out where Fadel is at emotionally when it comes to his own relationship with Style. Style is actively in the process of piecing together what exactly he's done to make Fadel hurt this much and to make Fadel want to kill him. And I think at this point here, Style is no longer as terrified of a potential murder happening right in front of his eyes the way he was when Fadel had initially pulled the gun on Jimmy.

Speaking of Style's fear, a couple of days ago I saw a post in the tags where someone was asking why Fadel pulling a gun on him was hot to Style but suddenly when Fadel is pulling the gun on other people it's an issue and since this meta series is THE Style manifesto I figure I should maybe write a paragraph about that too. When Style is at the other end of the gun it's hot, because Style is 99% sure Fadel won't actually kill him, won't kill him specifically. But when Fadel is pointing the gun at other people, Style can't be so sure. After all, this is Fadel's profession, this is what he specializes in. Fadel does this on the regular and Style is very well aware of it. The thing is, Style doesn't actually want others to be harmed. We see this over and over again when Style goes and helps people, when Style acts like a mediator in situations. Only last episode Style told Kant that love can turn a bad guy good and I think that's ultimately what he wants for Fadel. For Fadel to quit the job, to stop killing people, to turn "good" for Style and also for himself (putting "good" in quotation marks, because to Style, Fadel is a good person already as he reveals later in the bathtub). Style has already suggested Fadel quits the job even back in episode 5 when Fadel opened up about his parents' murder and about not wanting a relationship in order not to cause trouble to anyone. Style is cool with Fadel pulling a gun on him if no harm is done, but he is not cool with Fadel pulling a gun on others if harm could be done. And at the end of the day Style is also not cool with Fadel pulling a gun on him either, if Style's own life is in actual danger from that. We saw as much by the pool and we saw it again this episode when Fadel was about to kill Style's mirror.

Another thing I find truly fascinating about this scene is how Popcorn and Jimmy are clear parallels to Fadel and Style, but not in the way one might expect. We have Popcorn, the loud and overdramatic one and then we have Jimmy, the calm and collected one. We have Style, the loud and overdramatic one and then we have Fadel, the calm and collected one. You'd think Popcorn would be a parallel for Style and Jimmy would be a parallel for Fadel, but psyche! The calm and collected Fadel relates to the loud and overdramatic Popcorn's problem while the loud and overdramatic Style relates to the calm and collected Jimmy's problems. I think there are various interpretations possible as to why that is. One thing I'd like to think is that Popcorn's loud whirlwind emotions are a representation of how Fadel is quietly feeling inside but would never ever let out in any way, because his walls are that far up. And then we have Jimmy, who did something wrong, but is so serious and sincere in his love for Popcorn, in his longing for Popcorn's forgiveness and in his desire to be with Popcorn, to get married to Popcorn. And as loud and overdramatic Style can sometimes be, Style is completely serious about his love for Fadel and his decision to be with him no matter what. It's not a joke to Style. And Style, too, is longing for that forgiveness, is longing to go back to being happy and in love, is longing to get 100% of Fadel's trust. Fadel has told him before that Style had 80% of his trust, but with the betrayal those 80% have taken a significant dip down. But Style is still serious about wanting those 100% and so he will work his way back up again.

Side note: Another thing I was thinking about was how Jimmy was so willing to take the bullet if it meant keeping Popcorn safe and it just has me wonder if Style will be taking a bullet to keep Fadel safe.

No. 7: Do You Hear the Wedding Bells

Instead of going for a kill, Fadel lets Popcorn and Jimmy have their wedding. Style officiates while Fadel hides in a corner, watching everything from a distance. Style, believer in the power of love, is very happy for Jimmy and Popcorn. He watches with joy as they exchange rings and what I love about this is how Style's joy has such a calm, grounded energy to it. Style prompts the happy couple to kiss and I am absolutely convinced that his laughter when Popcorn jumps Jimmy and Jimmy carries him towards the wall is all Dunk, not Style. Then Style turns his head and looks at Fadel. He is presented with an image of Fadel quietly laughing at this couple's joy and passion and happiness. Fadel then turns his head towards Style as well, but immediately looks away when he meets Style's eyes and his laughter fades.

Remember how in last episode's meta I said:

And it's just veeeery interesting that Style asks Fadel to marry him for the second episode in a row. If it happens again next episode, I'm calling it. But for now, let's wait and see 👀

Well... We didn't get a FadelStyle marriage proposal, but Style's mirror saying "You and I are getting married" to Fadel's mirror? And then the Style and Fadel mirrors actually getting married? With Style officiating the wedding? That's three episodes in a row with a wedding reference in connection to Fadel and Style. Episode 6 with the untranslatable pun, episode 7 with Style's proposal prank, now episode 8 with an actual wedding. Three is a pattern, no? Style may not have uttered the words "Will you marry me" to Fadel this episode, but I'm calling it anyway. These two are so getting married by the end of the series, aren't they...

(Also, sorry for writing so few words about this scene. I don't have words, I only have Big Emotions.)

No. 8: Dinners and Dancing

It's night time now and the four of them are having a nice wedding dinner. Style makes friendly conversation as usual, while Fadel sits there and barely socializes. Jimmy brags about his husband's cooking skills, and Style immediately responds with a brag of his own because his own boyfriend is just as good as cooking. And this time around I think the boyfriend drop is a lot more deliberate than it was at the beginning of the episode, because this time around he actually emphasizes it a little. The word "faen" is the word he stresses the most in the sentence. Then he turns to Fadel and teasingly compliments him: "His burgers are to die for." In Thai, what he says word for word is "make very delicious burgers":

ทำเบอร์เกอร์อร่อยมาก [tam - ber-gêr - à-ròi - mâak] make - burger - delicious - very

Note how there is no pronoun in this sentence. That means, the sentence can be taken either as "He makes very delicious burgers" because Style was just talking to Jimmy and this sentence is still addressed to Jimmy or the sentence could be taken as "You make very delicious burgers" from the way Style is saying this sentence directly to Fadel's face. You hear that? That's you. You're my faen that makes delicious burgers. I love you. Fadel scrunches his eyebrows, skeptical and confused. Style smiles brightly, grabs a spoonful of food and offers to feed it to Fadel. Unlike Fadel earlier that day, Style actually does feed him gently. In fact, he doesn't force the food nor the caring gesture onto Fadel. He holds out the spoon and once again waits for Fadel to go along of his own free will which Fadel awkwardly does after a moment of hesitation. Then, Style goes back to making friendly conversation and we get a bit of backstory about how Popcorn and Jimmy used to live in the city as salarymen and then came to live on a farm because Jimmy loves nature. Style finds in romantic that Popcorn left his good life for a more difficult farm life. Fadel still holds a grudge and asks Jimmy why he cheated when Popcorn had done all of that for him. Jimmy says it's only human to get lost sometimes and that he's come back home in the end. This has Fadel even more pissed. He bangs his fist onto the table so forcefully that it jumpscares Style right next to him. "Only because you take him for granted," Fadel snarls. Popcorn awkwardly says he's already forgiven Jimmy and Style puts his hand on Fadel's hand to calm him down. Fadel looks at Style and Style gives him a little bit of a nod, as if to say Hey, it's okay. You can let it go. You don't need to settle this argument for them. Fadel leans back into his chair, resigned.

Jimmy changes the topic and asks where Fadel and Style are going and Style immediately has a believable answer ready. "We’re heading south. Kinda hoped it was going to be a romantic road trip date." And let me just share a more literal translation about the road trip, because he shamelessly and also very deliberately this time throws around the word boyfriend again:

I wanted to go on a road trip with my boyfriend. พอดีตั้งใจจะมาขับรถเล่นกับแฟนนะครับ [poh dii - dtâng-jai - jà - maa - kàp rót lên - gàp - faen - ná - kráp] because - intend to - will - come - drive for fun - with - boyfriend - [particle] - [particle]

When Style says the word boyfriend, he turns his head and pointedly says "faen" directly into Fadel's face. Because he still considers Fadel his boyfriend, whether Fadel likes it or not. After all, they've never officially broken up. And no, multiple death threats that have involved an actual a gun do not count as a break-up as far as Style is concerned. Not if he still has any say in it. Because their relationship is that serious to him. Because from the moment they started dating, their relationship was never fake to him. Fadel squints his eyes. Popcorn then asks how they met and Style tells them: "I was kinda dared into taking him out, but then I actually fell for him." And again, just a little correction on the whole "I was dared to" part:

It started with me deceitfully flirting with him. มันเริ่มจากผมไปหลอกจีบเขาครับ [man - rêrm - jàak - pŏm - bpai - lòhk - jìip - kăo - kráp] it - start - from - I - go - deceive, trick - flirt - him - [particle]

Nowhere in the way Style phrased it does it say who thought of the idea of the fake flirting. Nowhere does it say whether someone else made him do it or whether it was Style's own idea. Style isn't putting the blame on someone else and in a way is actually even kinda making himself look bad here since it could be taken as Style having come up with the scheme by himself. Popcorn and Jimmy don't know that there are two other guys involved in this story. Popcorn says "Such is love, isn’t it?" and Style turns to look at Fadel for a moment who meets his eyes. Popcorn then continues with "It can start from deceit, but it zigzags its way into something beautiful at the end." Style turns to Fadel again, throwing him a very pointed look. Something beautiful, huh? Did you hear that? Fadel pointedly ignores Style and his pointed look. The newlywed husbands discuss the natural process of a relationship – bickering, fighting, boning. This greatly amuses Style and he looks at Fadel again. In fact, he stares at Fadel for several seconds until Fadel finally properly looks at him. And that's when Style raises an eyebrow at him. Well?

And it's fun, because the scene started out with Fadel doing a thing with his eyebrows and it ends with Style doing a thing with his eyebrows, almost like an answer.

Style's energy in this scene is very boyfriend-like. Fadel took a step back and withdrew at the presence of these two other people, and now that Style doesn't have to fend off Fadel constant stream of personal digs at him anymore, Style comfortably slips back into that boyfriend role. And it's not just that he's comfortable in this role, no, he is proud to be Fadel's boyfriend and proud to have Fadel as his boyfriend. Style brags about Fadel and his cooking skills and calls him his boyfriend to anyone who will listen. Style keeps Fadel in check when Fadel gets hotheaded and is absolutely up for going through the natural process of bickering-fighting-boning if Fadel is up for it as well. And most importantly, Style is simply just happy to be around him, happy to spend time with him. Style is proud of him and he is happy with him and he wants Fadel by his side. He means that choice from the bottom of his heart and so he will act accordingly. Especially now that he is finally starting to understand why exactly Fadel is hurting.

No. 9: Big Small Matters

The time for dinner is over and the time for dancing has started. Fadel and Style sit on the couch, they're watching the happy couple and especially Style is delighted at their happiness himself. After a while, Style turns to Fadel and says "Cute couple, aren’t they? Just like us". This is the third time this evening, a rather short time frame, that Style has made a reference to them being in a relationship (referring to Fadel as his "boyfriend" twice and now calling them a "couple"). And yes, he did blatantly refer to Fadel as his boyfriend when they were talking to the aunty at the motel too, but I think this time around Style is very deliberately and consciously doing so given his observations of Fadel earlier that day. They're a cute couple. Style means it. No joke. No trick.

Fadel is quiet for a moment, then says "We're not a couple". Definitely by sheer coincidence the song that Jimmy put on just happens to be about forgiveness and just happens to play the lyrics Just overlook what is trivial right before Fadel's reply. Style asks Fadel if he wasn't listening to the lyrics and quotes them back at him. Fadel is not amused: "You think what you did to me was 'trivial'?"

Now, the phrase that the song uses to say "trivial" is เล็กๆ น้อยๆ [lék lék nói nói] which word for word makes something like "small small little little". I asked my Thai language buddy if this word was like the word "Kleinigkeit" in German and he confirmed. There is no perfect English equivalent for the word "Kleinigkeit" but it basically means something like "small matter" or "little thing". Depending on the situation there could be other meanings that go along with it. For this context right here "no big deal" could even work in English. Now let me share what Fadel actually said:

You think that you deceiving me is no big deal? (lit. "is a small matter?" / "is small?") มึงคิดว่าเรื่องที่มึงมาหลอกกูเนี่ยมันเล็กๆ น้อยๆหรอ [mueng - kít wâa - rêuuang - tîi - mueng - maa - lòhk - guu - nîia - man - lék lék nói nói - rŏr] you - think that - thing, matter - that - you - come - deceive, trick - me - [particle] - it - small (matter), little (thing) - ?

Fadel uses the word หลอก [lòhk] here, which means "to trick" or "to deceive". That means, he doesn't just vaguely say "what you did to me" but he explicitly tells Style that the thing that has been bothering him is Style deceiving him, Style tricking him. By now you may have noticed a pattern to the orange color: The word หลอก [lòhk] comes up a lot this episode. I've bolded and marked this word orange all throughout this post so you can see just how many times and in which contexts this word is used. Style uses it during the dinner when he says "I was kinda dared into taking him out" (more literally: "It started with me deceitfully flirting with him"), Popcorn uses this word when he cries "The likes of you who lead people on deserve nothing but death!" (more literally: "People that trick others into loving them all deserve to die!") and Fadel uses the word when he says "But he lied to you. (more literally: "But he deceived you.") after Popcorn says he doesn't actually want Jimmy to be killed for real. And now Fadel uses it again to call Style out: "You think what you did to me was 'trivial'?" (more literally: "You think that you deceiving me is no big deal?").

Fadel is mad that Style tricked him, that Style deceived him. This much was already obvious from Fadel's emotional reactions to Popcorn and Jimmy's dispute, but now Style has explicit confirmation. This is where he needs to start working at if he wants to earn Fadel's forgiveness.

The newly-wed husbands walk over and invite them to dance, too. Style is up for it, but Fadel really doesn't want to. Style talks him into it and pulls him up. Reluctantly, Fadel gives in to Style just like he always does.

They dance a little, but at some point Style turns to Fadel, puts his hand on his shoulder, smiles, and tells him: "I know what I did wasn’t 'trivial.' But I’m ready to do anything to make you forgive me." Now for that first sentence you might think that in the Thai line Style repeats Fadel's words from earlier ("You think that you deceiving me is no big deal?") where Fadel used the word หลอก [lòhk] and you might think that Style would use it now, too. But actually, he does keep things more vague in the original itself as well:

I know that what I did was a big deal. (lit. "was no small matter" / "isn't a little thing") กูรู้นะเว้ยว่าเรื่องที่กูทำอ่ะ ไม่ใช่เรื่องเล็กๆ น้อยๆ [guu - rúu - ná wóiie - wâa - rêuuang - tîi - guu - tam - à • mâi châi - rêuuang - lék lék nói nói] I - know - [particle] - that - thing, matter - that - I - do - [particle] • not - thing, matter - small (matter), little (thing)

Maybe Style is referring not only to the fact that he tricked Fadel into loving him but also to how Fadel feels "cheated on" because he did end up falling for Style's (initially) insincere flirting, was head over heels in love with him only to find out Style wasn't his but was "the police's" and that the love wasn't real, was just a trick.

Or maybe there is something we don't yet know about? (Like, there is still the mysterious Boonterm mention from episode 3? Or, something that had COMPLETELY slipped my mind when I was writing my ep7 meta and so ended up writing something from a completely wrong perspective: Style has seen Keen before when he eavesdropped on Fadel and Keen's conversation and so in ep7 in the men's room it could also be taken as Style stopping Fadel from discovering Keen on purpose, which brings up the question... what's up with that????) Or maybe he just keeps it vague so that he can say it at a later point explicitly.

Anyway, so Style firmly tells Fadel that he knows he was in the wrong and that he's ready to do anything to earn Fadel's forgiveness and then pulls him into a hug while they continue to dance. This hug doesn't last very long, though, because next thing Fadel and Style know is that they're being attacked by Jimmy and Popcorn. Luckily, Style sees them in time and shouts Fadel's name in shock and to warn him. They both tumble down and Fadel has his gun out before they've even hit the couch. Fadel shoots into the air and while by now Style is very familiar with the image of Fadel pointing guns, this is the first time he's witnessed Fadel actually fire a shot (from a real gun, that is. Not a BB gun). A shot, that protected not only Fadel himself, but also Style. And while Style does still look at the gun for a moment again, he is nowhere near as frozen or worried as he was when Fadel pulled the gun on Popcorn and Jimmy the few instances earlier this episode.

For a second time that day, Fadel and Style tie up Popcorn and Jimmy. Style makes a comment about how he was off about the serial killer part but they were nearly killed by someone after all. Style's fear and anxiety from the day has proven to be justified. Fadel nags that Style trusts people to easily and that he's only interested in other people's love lives. Style doesn't see a problem with that: "I’m a hopeless romantic. Can’t help it that love stories touch me." Or in Thai:

I'm a romantic person. กูมันเป็นคนโรแมนติก [guu - man - bpen - kon roh-maen-dtìk] I - [marker] - be - romantic person I'm easily tricked by touching things. โดนหลอกด้วยอะไรซึ้งๆง่าย [dohn lòhk - dûuay - à-rai - séung séung - ngâai] be tricked, deceived - by, through - something - touching - easy

I just want to point out that Style uses the word หลอก [lòhk] here. Style gets tricked by romantic, touching things the same way as, you know, someone else in this room feels like he got tricked by romantic, touching things. It's like Style is saying What? Can you blame me? I, too, get tricked by love.

Fadel moves to remove the arm sling and Style goes to help him. Fadel lets him, doesn't block him. And I'm sure it was absolutely necessary for Style to put his arm around Fadel's shoulder like that for easier opening of the buckle. Duh. Style smiles a little as he slides off the arm sling. Fadel makes his way up the stairs. Style first looks at their tied up victims, then watches Fadel walk upstairs. There are certainly things on Style's mind. He'll be voicing them in the bathtub in a bit.

No. 10: Fadel in a Bath Fadel in a Bath Na Na Na Na Na Na Fadel in a Bath

Style finds Fadel in the bathtub and wants to join in. Fadel is reluctant at first, but is also not in the mood to argue with Style and so Style starts getting undressed. Now, usually I'd just skip past this part of Style getting naked and hopping into the tub because it's not a relevant process. However, during this process he does something very interesting: When he lays down his clothes he touches the gun, as if to make a grab for it before he goes and covers it with clothes.

I'm gonna be honest, I really have no idea what to make of this moment. As to why Style covers it, it could probably be because he wants it out of sight, out of the way, wants it gone. Style has made it very clear on multiple occasions that he doesn't want Fadel to be killing people and he will also be telling Fadel exactly that in just another minute as well. Away with the gun.

But if that really is the case, then I still don't understand why Style would touch the gun in the first place. If he wanted to hide it, he could have dropped his shirt down on it without bending down and touching it. But Style does go through the effort and the way he touches it almost looks like he is about to pick it up. The "Style + guns" counter goes up to 5.

Style is also very deliberate about it. He has his eyes glued to Fadel, watching him carefully through the entire process. That has me wonder if Style is maybe testing Fadel. Is he testing Fadel's trust, maybe? Because Fadel did say that the words out of Style's mouth are no longer trustworthy, but what about Style's actions? Are those still trustworthy? Technically Style is also still Fadel's kidnapping victim, so what would the kidnapper do if the victim goes for the weapon the kidnapper has been using to keep his victim in check? But Fadel's reaction is just a raised eyebrow and a bit of an eyebrow scrunch like What exactly is it that you're doing? It's a clear message, but at the same time Fadel doesn't even move a single muscle that indicates he is about to do something to get the weapon away from Style.

Fadel watches Style closely, but doesn't interfere. There is a certain amount of trust involved here, because Style could have easily made a quick grab for it and pulled the gun on Fadel for once.

I actually asked @secriden about her opinion on this because I didn't quite know what to make of it and she came back with an interesting perspective I also want to share:

Oh, I think the purpose of that was to show that Style is really choosing to be with Fadel. In that scenario Style literally has all the advantage— Fadel is naked in a bathtub and he's hampered by a broken arm and literally being in a slippery situation. Like if Style wanted to just take the gun and shoot Fadel there was little Fadel could've done at that point. But Style touches the gun and makes deliberate eye contact and then covers it with his clothes like he's saying "See? Even when you give me the chance to seize control what matters to me is another chance to fix our relationship." He's basically proving his own words when he said "I'll do anything to make it up to you." This includes letting a chance go literally take back his LIFE because the gun still symbolises a threat to Style's life (even if we know Fadel isn't going to go through with it).

After covering the gun with his clothes, Style gets into the tub and the first thing out of his mouth is: "I’m glad you didn’t kill them." And we know this to be true, because we saw how afraid and how tense Style was earlier when the gun was involved. Fadel reminds him that he only kills bad people and even if he disapproves of Jimmy's cheating, at the end of the day it's none of his business anyway. Style states "You’re pretty decent at your core, you know?" and I sigh in exasperation again, because it's not that Fadel is just "pretty decent", no, Fadel is a good person. And buckle up, because there are quite a few language notes to follow over the course of this scene.

Really, you're a good person at your core. จริงๆสันดานมึงเป็นคนดีนะเว้ย [jing jing - săn-daan - mueng - bpen - kon dii - ná wóiie] really, honestly - nature, core - you - be - good person - [particle]

Having made this assessment, Style wants to know how come Fadel is a hitman then and Fadel says he gets hired, there's nothing more to it. Style says it's not true that Fadel is doing it just for the money. Fadel comes back with a challenge: "Why not? You don’t know anything about me." In Thai he actually phrases it like a question which I like because it makes the challenge a bit more direct and Fadel's words sassier:

You know me well? มึงรู้จักกูดีเหรอ [mueng - rúu-jàk - guu - dii - rĕr] you - know - me - well - ?

(German speakers: the mood of this sentence is actually more like "Kennst du mich denn gut?", not just "Kennst du mich gut?")

So Fadel throws Style a sassy question, but Style has an answer, and what an answer it is:

I may not know your past but I know your present well. กูอาจจะไม่รู้จักอาดีตมึงแต่กูรู้จักปัจจุบันมึงดีนะเว้ย [guu - àat-jà - mâi - rúu-jàk - àdiit mueng - dtàe - guu - rùu-jàk - bpàt-jù-ban mueng - dii - ná wóiie] I - may, might - not - know - your past - but - I - know - your present - well - [Particle] Official subs: "I might not know who you were in the past, but I know who you are now."

It's not just that Style didn't know who Fadel was as a person in the past, but also Style was neither present in Fadel's past nor did Fadel share much about his past apart from the fact that his parents were shot. Style may not have been there for Fadel's past, but Style is very much there for Fadel's present, he's lived Fadel's present by his side for a while now and has gotten to know Fadel's life and Fadel himself really well. And Style is here for Fadel's present despite all things that should make him want to leave. Style is here for Fadel's present despite all the things he knows or maybe even because of all the things he knows. He knows Fadel is a killer, but he also knows Fadel is a good person. Being here for Fadel's present, Style's gotten to know many different side's of Fadel that make him want to stay in Fadel's present. Style smiles at him. Fadel can't run away from the mortifying ordeal of being known forever. It's too late. Style already knows him significantly, whether Fadel wants to acknowledge it or not.

Fadel looks away from him and when he looks back at Style, Style brings back the topic of Fadel only killing bad people and asks how Fadel decides. Fadel claims he decides based on his own experiences. Style tells him:

You're not a court passing sentences on other people's lives. มึงไม่ใช่ศาลมาพิพากษาชีวิตคนอื่น​นะเว้ย [mueng - mâi châi - săan - maa - pí-pâak-săa - chii-wít - kon èun - ná wóiie] you - not - court - come - judge - life - others - [particle] Official subs: It’s not your job to judge that kind of thing, you know? Just quit doing it. เลิกทำไปเหอะ [lêrk - tam - bpai - hùh] quit, stop - do - [particle] - [particle] Official subs: Why don’t you just quit? The more you keep doing this, the more your life will never be at peace. ยิ่งมึงทำแบบนี้ ชีวิดมึงยิ่งไม่จบไม่สิ้น [yîng - mueng - tam - bàep níi • chii-wít meung - yîng - mâi - jòp - mâi - sîn] the more - you - do - like this • your life - the more - not - end - not - end Official subs: If you keep going, it will never be over.

You may have noticed that in the interlinear translation of the last sentence it says "not end not end" which doesn't make a lot of sense, of course. Style actually uses two different words for "end" here. I asked my friend about it who explained that "not end" as in ไม่จบ [mâi jòb] refers to something external (the killings) while "not end" as in ไม่สิ้น [mâi sîn] refers to something internal (Fadel finding inner peace). The more Fadel keeps killing, the more he'll be stuck in this life and the more he won't be able to rest.

Fadel doesn't want to be lectured, but Style isn't actually saying all this to lecture Fadel. It's a well-meant warning because Style cares about Fadel and his well-being:

I just think there's probably no one who will warn you and mean well for you as much as I do. กูอ่ะแค่คิดว่าคงไม่มีใครเตือน​และหวังดีกับมึงเท่ากูละ [guu - àh - kâe - kít - wâa - kong- mâi mii krai - dteuuan - láe - wăng dii gàp - mueng - tâo - guu - lá] I - [particle] - just - think - that - maybe - there is no one - warn - and - mean well for - you - like - I - [particle] Official subs: I just think there’s no one out there who wants the best for you more than I do.

Fadel just stares at him and Style smiles back. He means it. After a moment, he puts his feet on Fadel and targets the nipple. First of all, it's time to be a little shit again and try to annoy his way back into Fadel's life and second of all, maybe I think he hasn't given up hope of getting some yet, even if Fadel is still back to being grumpy. Also, it's my personal headcanon that Style put his feet on Fadel for the same reason Dunk did: the tub is simply just too small for these two grown men.

Fadel reminds him that just because he lets Style mess with him it doesn't mean he won't kill Style. Style tilts his head. That's death threat number what? And yet, Style is still here and still able to mess with Fadel. "Go ahead. Blow my head off whenever you want." Style is here, ready to accept his fate. "I’m a bad person for making you fall for me, head over heels, and then betraying you. I deserve to die." And here is where the exact wording is important again. Literally he says: "I'm bad. I tricked you into loving me, I tricked you into being crazy about me, and then I betrayed you. I deserve to die."

Sorry in advance, but the following will be chaos. There is only so much formatting I can do in a tumblr post (I wish I could add a table!). The arrows indicate the literal translation. The colors will make sense a paragraph down.

→ I'm bad. กูอ่ะมันเลว [guu - àh - man - leow] I - [particle] - [marker] - bad Official subs: I’m a bad person → I tricked you into loving me, หลอกให้มึงรัก [lòhk - hâi - mueng - rák] trick, deceive - that - you - love Official subs: for making you fall for me → I tricked you into being crazy about me, หลอกให้มึงหลง [lòhk - hâi - mueng - lŏng] trick, deceive - that - you - be crazy about Official subs: head over heels → and then I betrayed you. แล้วหักหลังมึง [láew - hàk lăng - meung] and (then) - betray - you Official subs: and then betraying you. → I deserve to die. กูอ่ะสมควรตายเว้ย [guu - àh - sŏm-kuuan - dtaai - wóiie] I - [particle] - deserve - die - [particle] Official subs: I deserve to die.

The wording is significant, not just because our keyword หลอก [lòhk] makes another appearance, but because Style repeats Popcorn's (aka Fadel's mirror, the one voicing how Fadel feels inside) words back to Fadel. Let's compare with what Popcorn was saying: "You tricked me into loving you and being crazy about you and then you do this. [...] There are no chances for bad people. People that trick others into loving them all deserve to die!" (Style's words: "I'm bad. I tricked you into loving me, I tricked you into being crazy about me, and then I betrayed you. I deserve to die.")

→ You tricked me into loving you and being crazy about you and then you do this. มึงอ่ะมาหลอกให้กูรักกูหลง มึงก็ทำยังเงี้ย [mueng - à- maa - lòhk - hâi - guu - rák - guu - lŏng • mueng - gôh - tam - yang -ngíia] you - [particle] - come - trick, deceive - that - I - love - I - be crazy about • you - [sentence link] - do - like this Official subs: You made me fall for you and then betrayed me. [...] → There are no chances for bad people. โอกาส​มันไม่ได้​มีไว้สำหรับ​คนเลว [oh-gàat - man - mâi dâai - mii - wái - săm-ràp - kon leow] chance - it - not - have - keep - for - bad people Official subs: The likes of you don’t deserve second chances. → People that trick others into loving them all deserve to die! คนที่หลอกให้คนอื่นรัก สมควรให้ตายไปให้หมด [kon - tîi -lòhk - hâi - kon èun - rák • sŏm-kuuan - hâi - dtaai bpai hâi mòt] people - that - trick, deceive - that - others - love • deserve - that - die - all Official subs: The likes of you who lead people on deserve nothing but death!

As you can see, Style uses almost the exact same words that Popcorn used and they are all words that Fadel had an emotional reaction to earlier that day. Style's been paying attention. Style finishes with "I deserve to die" just like Popcorn claimed was the case and then closes his eyes and tilts his head back a little like Go on, shoot me. I am at your mercy and I am ready to die for my sins.

Two things are happening here with this little monologue: Style is being a little shit by shamelessly mocking Fadel's empty death threats. Style knows Fadel won't kill him over this, because if tricking people into falling in love had been enough of a reason to fall under Fadel's category of Bad Person™ then Fadel would have killed Jimmy earlier that day. But Jimmy is alive. And so is Style.

And the other thing is that Style is also letting Fadel know that he's figured out what Fadel is really angry about. Style is fully acknowledging now what he did that hurt Fadel so much. It's very different from earlier that day when the car broke down and Style was all "Hey, what happened happened. Let it go. Shouldn’t you be looking forward to the future? Focus on the future. Let go of your grudge." I think in the beginning Style assumed that while yes, Fadel would think Style's love was fake, the main thing he was angry about was Style being a snitch for the police. But then they ran into Jimmy and Popcorn. And then Fadel got unnecessarily offended at someone else's trickery in a relationship Fadel had nothing to do with. And Style paid attention. It's not that Style was working with the police that's the problem. The "working with the police part" is the thing that Fadel was already suspecting and expecting from the beginning. Fadel had been ready for that. That wasn't the problem. No, what hurts the most is that Style had the audacity to play with Fadel's heart first before "cheating" on him by being on the police's side. Fadel is upset because he thinks Style's love was insincere, that it was all just an elaborate trick while for Fadel himself the love was all real and Style now fully and actively realizes that. And acknowledges it. Except, Fadel denies his feelings: "Don’t be so full of yourself. I never fell for you."

Now, when Fadel tells Style not to be so full of himself, he actually tells Style not to คิดไปเอง [kít bpai eng]. Literally this phrase makes something like "think by oneself" and it's a phrase that my friend defined as "to come to a conclusion without there being any solid evidence for it". Fadel is basically telling Style something along the lines of "Don't make shit up, I never loved you." And yeah. He does indeed say "I never loved you" which to me sounds almost more hurtful than "I never fell for you":

กูไม่เคยรักมึง [guu - mâi koiie - rák - mueng] I - never - love - you

Fadel is a lying liar. And Style knows it. He stares at Fadel for a moment as if he can't believe Fadel really just dropped this with a straight face, then smiles a little. "You might be good at cooking and shooting, but you’re not very good at lying at all." And with that, Style immediately puts Fadel to the test. He starts slowly kissing his way up Fadel's arms, pausing to check in with Fadel and even more so to check his reaction. When Style gets close enough to Fadel's face, he slowly leans in for a kiss, his eyes fixed on Fadel's eyes. Style advances very slowly, giving Fadel plenty of time. Fadel actually tilts his head a little towards Style, almost welcoming a kiss, but when their noses are about to touch Fadel turns his head away. And you'd think Style would be annoyed about Fadel refusing him once again, but instead Style smiles. Because I don't think Style went into this with the goal of actually seducing Fadel, of actually trying to sleep with him again like he did in the race car bed in the beginning of the episode (though I'm sure he wouldn't have minded if Fadel had consented). No, this wasn't an attempt at getting into Fadel's pants. This was a test. Fadel refuses to kiss Style and Style smiles a little, looking almost amused. He was expecting this.

There it is. Proof that Fadel is a lying liar who lies. Proof that Fadel is mad about and hurt because of the exact things that Style has just listed only moments before. Proof that Fadel did love him. Does love him. Still loves him. Style keeps looking at Fadel, but Fadel keeps his head turned away, avoiding eye contact at all costs. Instead of calling Fadel out for being a liar again, Style raises his eyebrows and backs off.

He sits back down on his spot at the other end of the tub and makes a promise: "As long as I'm alive, I'll make you kiss me again." Fadel, who in the meantime has started looking at Style again, lifts his head and goes back to avoiding eye contact with Style once more. He looks around the room. Looks anywhere but at Style. Looks at the painting at the wall instead. And that's when Fadel realizes. He knows exactly where Bison is. And with this we are left to wait a week for the next episode (except the next episode will already be out by the time I manage to post this rip).

If you think I have already spent enough words on this scene, think again. Because the dialogue in this scene is really interesting when thinking back to the bed scene from episode 5. Back then Fadel told Style "The real me might be scarier than you think". Towards the end of episode 7 and all throughout episode 8 Style has been getting glimpses of that real Fadel that he was warned about. Back in episode 5 Style knew about "the real Fadel" mostly in theory and told him "I promise that no matter what you are like, I'll still like you". And Fadel told Style that Style can judge once he's ready. And what is Style's judgment now that he's gotten to witness some of the real scary Fadel? "You're a good person at your core." And Style's stance on liking Fadel no matter what kind of person he is? "I just think there's probably no one out there who will warn you and mean well with you as much as I do." Fadel warned Style that Style should be wary of him, but Fadel also only kills bad people and Style isn't bad people and Style knows it. Fadel refused to fully open up to Style and right now in his anger he is likely even less willing to open up to Style at all and yet Style knows him, knows his present so well. And Style was even close to witnessing Fadel murdering someone and even though Style would rather Fadel didn't (and doesn't and won't), Style still doesn't judge Fadel for it. And even if Fadel had killed Jimmy, it likely wouldn't have made Style love Fadel any less. Back in episode 5 Style made the decision to be by this man's side and now in episode 8 he still firmly stands by this decision. In fact, maybe even more so now. Both of these scenes end in a promise made by Style: As long as I'm alive, I'll make you kiss me again. One day, I'll be your 100%. Style is absolutely set on this. And it won't be long until he makes good on that promise. At least on the promise he made this episode.

(Overview | Ep1+2 | Ep3 | Ep4 | Ep5 | Ep6 | Ep7 | Ep9 | Ep10)

[johnnyutah]

average adam faulkner stanheight fan: if adam isn’t in saw xi we riot! @lionsgate @kevingruetert @jameswan #adamlives #justiceforadam #corpseinconsistencies

average john kramer fan: What people don’t realize about John, is he’s such a genius that even when he makes mistakes, he planned on making the mistakes. He is the greatest villain of all time

average jill tuck fan: Appreciation post for the Women of Saw 🩷 [the same ten photos that get posted once a week]

average lawrence gordon fan: last night i watched a 2004 tv movie about serial killers called ‘the riverman’, followed by the cheesy family rom-com ‘a castle for christmas’. today my friends and i are going to binge the entire third season of netflix’s ‘stranger things’. none of us have seen a single episode of the rest of the show and we don’t plan on it. then we might rewatch ‘another country’ together

average amanda young fan: sorry i haven’t been online in 4 weeks i’ve been too busy trying to get the new pig cosmetic in the rift [posted 7 weeks ago]

average mark hoffman fan: [underneath a gifset of costas mandylor in a republican christian propaganda ‘sci-fi’ movie] #hes so fucking hot #i would give anything to put him in a sports bra and make him do jumping jacks in front pf me i would literally do #ANYTHING #i need to make him into a marionett and fist him lol

average daniel rigg fan: Here’s a quick low effort doodle I did of Daniel! I just love him so much ❤️ [a literal masterpiece, the best art you’ve ever seen in your entire life] [3 notes]

average allison kerry fan: i am hardcore attached to ONE ship which is probably either allison/amanda or allison/lindsey and my whole blog is devoted to them. there are dozens of us DOZENS

average lynn denlon fan: okay so i know bahar is a realtor now but in her last instagram post where she’s congratulating her son on some new achievement, both the first and last words in the post have 11 letters, AND there’s an X and an I visible in the background of her post 👀?? is this a reach???

average jeff denlon fan: No seriously let me finish seriously when you compare him to the other shitty men in Saw he’s NOT that b

average david tapp fan: i’m 39k away from publishing my 40k tappsing Everybody Lives AU <3 this is going to be epic [account has been deactivated for an indeterminate amount of time]

average brit stevenson and mallick scott fan: Hey I stayed up making this instead of writing my thesis paper for grad school. Here’s a 30,000 word document about the implications of Brit’s promotion within the Marshford group and how it would lead to her eventual demise and also how she rose to the top in her group. It also delves into her relationship with Mallick, whose existence, I believe, is an obvious literary reference to an ancient Roman play read by only me and three other people currently alive. I translated relevant passages and included them in my work. I got understimulated around page 8 so I did take a break to pierce myself in the same spot that I believe Mallick would have a piercing. If you read my fics on AO3 you will already be familiar with the location.

average peter strahm fan: haha peter does CRACK cocoaine haha i think he sniffeds some drugs! why else would he be so MANIC HYPER CRAZY!!! i love my crazy JUNKIE man LOL get him some andderall STAT!! if hoffman didn’t kill him the SPEED certianly would of! LOL!

average lindsey perez fan: i love lindsey perez i’m such a big fan of the character lindsey perez

average matt gibson fan: i literally would eat garbage out of a dumpster

average ezekiel banks fan: holy shit i just finished spiral what a good movie what the hell!!! what a cool addition to the saw universe! i bet everybody else loves this as much as i do! let me take a big drink of water as i check tumblr dot com to see all the nice things people will have to say about darren lynn bousman’s Spiral

average william schenk fan: my hobbies include: being a fujoshi,

average cecelia pederson fan: [pic of cecelia yanking on the metal loop around her neck and smirking] https://docs.google.com/document/d/e/2PACX-1vT3f5IIzt5PG-M7G9_Z-gjY4gZaiUneTdMlYrFAcdBGcJo0-N-RDQcj2JfxOaBTxKa6J_DiDQNgqVpg/pub

average logan jigsaw fan: What people don’t realize about John, is he’s such a genius that even when he makes mistakes, he planned on making the mistakes. He is the greatest villain of all time

[jyzyo]

Night Terrors.

yoo jeongyeon x fem!reader

wc: 2k

Warnings: smut, mentions of dahmo, wet dreams, members may or may not have heard them, sub jeongyeon.

Synopsis: Jeongyeon has a different type of dream this time around.

Jeongyeon had a reputation for experiencing night terrors. It was just a thing of hers and every member knew about them. Whenever she wanted, they slept in the same bed as her. She mostly asked Nayeon since she didn’t feel embarrassed at the fact that she was being cuddled by the older member to sleep.

Well, it was her or you.

Ever since Nayeon started her promotions for “POP” she started arriving late and too tired to even talk to anyone, she started asking you to sleep with her, which you had no problem doing.

————————————————————————

“Can you sleep with me tonight Y/N?” she asked from the kitchen while you were on the couch playing Mario Kart 8 Deluxe on the TV with Mina.

“Yeah sure unnie,” you said, not paying attention to her and just answering her question with whatever response she wanted.

“Can you come now, please?”

“Yeah, sure, let me just finish this” you said once again, not paying attention to her remarks and twisting your body to the left as if it would move your kart the same direction.

“Y/N now please.” You heard her say more sternly, which made you hand over the remote to Mina. “Sorry, we can play tomorrow if you want,” you said, watching as she finished in first place despite previously being in front of her.

“It’s okay, no worries goodnight,” Mina said as you walked away from the couch and followed jeongyeon toward her room.

————————————————————————

After finishing your night routine in her bathroom, which already had all your products from all the nights you slept with her before, you went into her bedroom to see her reading a book.

“Good book,” you remarked as you got under the covers with her and turned to check your notifications one last time before going to sleep to make sure no one texted you.

“Hmmm” She hummed back, not paying attention to you but finishing the last few words she had on that page before placing it down on her night table.

You darted your eyes at her immediately and also placed your phone on the charger. She dimmed down the table light to barely light up the room. “You don’t use a bookmark? You’re a psycho” you said as you noticed her book didn’t have a bookmark sticking out of it.

“I’ll remember”

“Yeah right, you barely remember where you leave your wallet”

————————————————————————

You had no idea what time it was for, all you knew it was still dark outside and you could see the reflection of the moon peeking into her room. You could feel Jeongyeon squirming under the covers, which was a usual thing she did while sleeping, so you thought nothing of it.

Upon hearing a soft whimper from Jeongyeon, you opened your eyes again. You thought she was having another episode and turned your body to face her. You waited for any more signs before slowly relaxing again.

A faint but louder whimper escaped her mouth, increasing your concern. You turned your entire focus towards her and saw her squirm again. You would be lying if you said you didn’t think she was touching herself for a minute, but that conclusion soon came to an end when you saw her hands were outside the covers.

“Ngh..” Jeongyeon moaned as she squirmed again. “Please... Please.. that feels good,” she said in a much whiner tone. You finally concluded that she was having a sex dream. The way her body squirmed and the way she moaned so softly made you feel a slick dripping down onto your underwear.

You laid back on the bed facing the ceiling hearing her moans get quieter and softer by the second. You couldn’t help but clench your thighs together to relieve some type of tension between your legs.

“Please.. I-i can’t take I-it anymor- “ Her sentence was cut short by her suddenly sitting up against the headboard. You closed your eyes immediately, hoping to avoid the awkward situation. You could hear her taking deep breaths.

“Y/N..?”

“Mhm?” You said back. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. It was all out of habit whenever she called your name, you answered, why wouldn’t you?

You felt her lay back down and come closer to your body, her hand on your arm as she faced you. “What did you dream about?” You asked, deciding to be bold and get the details of her sex dream, not only to see what someone like jeongyeon wet dream would look like but also to get some sort of relief in between the aching feeling in between your legs.

“Nothing..” Jeongyeon shyly responded and moved away from your body instead turning her back towards you. “Well, you were moaning. I don’t think it was just nothing.” This time it was you who got closer to her. You could feel her breathing against you as you wrapped your arms around her and brought her closer to you.

Your hand slowly sneaked itself under her shirt, feeling her waist and stomach before slowly going upwards when you felt her stop you.

“What are you doing?”

“I’m just trying to help you, and can I..?”

You felt her grip on your hand loosen and give you access to her body again. Your hand moved up, finally reaching her breasts, which were covered by her bra. You started playing with one of them, getting a whimper back in response, “Does that feel good?”. Jeongyeon nodded her head quickly and you saw her hand grip her pillow.

"Tell me what happened in your dream and I'll help you," you said, now circling your thumb around her hardened nipple, which you could feel even over her bra. “I-I can’t..” she moaned before bringing her hand to her mouth to silence her whimpers.

“Come on, baby..how do you expect me to help you? You want me to help you, right?” You asked, getting a quick nod in response. “Then tell me what happened” Jeongyeon finally removed her hand from her mouth to answer you, but when she felt your hand go under her bra and pinch her nipple, the only thing she could do was let out a moan.

“Use your words.”

“I-i you..you were in my dream and you.. started by kissing me..t-then you started touching my chest..ugh..mhm..” Your touches on her nipple got her more sensitive by the second. “.. Then you touched me in between my legs..”

“Do you want me to help you?” You asked again, only getting a soft whimper of approval. You soon straddled her lap before leaning down to capture her lips in a kiss.

Jeongyeon was squirming under your body and moaning into the kiss, you could feel yourself getting more excited with each whimper she let out. Fuck, she sounded so good.

In the midst of kisses, she whispered, "Please touch me," prompting you to grasp the edges of her shirt and remove it, revealing her dark green lace bra. Your hands immediately went to play with her breasts and sucking on the exposed skin area.

“Please.. please” you heard her say. She sat up slightly, granting you access to undo her bra. “You’re so needy” Her bra finally falling to her elbows even before obliterating it, you placed your mouth over her breast, sucking on her hard nipple, making her gasp and fall back onto the bed. “F-fuck..” Her hand traveling to your head, pushing you more against her breast, your other hand giving her other breast just as much attention.

You pulled away from her breasts and moved towards her neck, leaving marks all over the left side of her neck, knowing that the members would probably see them. “Please..” Jeongyeon pleaded.

“Please what?”

Jeongyeon groaned quietly before speaking again. “Please touch me there..” with that your hand moved towards her sweatpants, pulling them down as you moved your own body down to see a big darkened spot on her underwear, indicating just how wet she was.

“Aww..you’re all relied up for me, dollface?” Jeongyeon groaned at your remark once again before that groan turned into a loud moan as your tongue grazed her clit over her panties.

“Fuck me.. Y/N please..”

You removed her panties, throwing them on the floor before placing yourself in front of her, lifting her legs up to give yourself more access. You slowly licked her folds, tasting her sweetness, gripping her thighs tighter when ever she squirmed. “Stay still.”

You started slowly licking her clit, hearing those sweet moans of hers fill the room. You looked up at her as she touched her own breasts, giving herself more pleasure. Your hand then moving to her folds teasing her entrance.

“Mhm.. Please.. I want you in me”

You inserted a finger inside her, slowly thrusting into her before adding a second one, making Jeongyeon twitch.

“Ngh.. I’m close..” Her moans were quiet, but the more you touched her, the louder they got. Was she usually this quiet?

When you pulled away from her clit, she looked down at you with teary eyes. “Why so quiet?” You asked as you kept your fingers moving inside her, curling every time you went completely inside her.

“I-I don’t.. ahh.. want them to hear..” she said with grabbing onto the sheets.

“But I want to hear you.. they’ll just think you’re having another episode. Come on, I want to hear your pretty moans,” purposely slowing down to hear her pleads.

“Please..don’t stop Y/N” Her tone whiny and pleadingly, you went down on her again, licking her clit, making her moan loudly this time.

You felt her starting to clench around your fingers and squirming more than before. Her hand moving to her mouth to muffle her loud moans.

When you pulled away from her clit, she groaned and looked down at you with tears streaming down her face.

“I told you I wanted to hear you.”

“Okay.. just please keep going, I’m so close..”

As soon as you started sucking on her clit again, she moaned loudly just for you. Every time you thrusted into her, you could hear just how wet she was. You felt her clenching more around your fingers, indicating she was close.

Her moans were even louder now, and you were sure that if any of the members were awake, they would have heard her by now.

“Fuck you're so wet..” You said against her clit, making her twitch at the vibrations that it sent to her body.

She let out a loud moan, which sounded more like a scream as she finished all over your fingers, her thighs twitching. You pulled your fingers out and making sure to eat everything, not letting a single drop of her go to waste. Your tongue going flat against her folds making her twitch once more.

Her eyes were teary, and her cheeks were rosy when you went to kiss her. “Aw.. did I make my pretty girl cry?” You said as you wiped her tears away. “It felt.. really good,” she said quietly.

“Open your mouth.” You demanded her, and she did just as you said. You inserted your sticky fingers in her mouth and she knew what you wanted her to do. She twirled her tongue around your fingers, cleaning them up for you.

“You’re such a good girl baby..” you whispered in her ear, your hand going to her neck before kissing her.

————————————————————————

“Did Jeongyeon Unnie have another episode yesterday?” Mina asked, moving her hand to cover your eyes from the TV, Your hand soon removing it after.

“Um yeah why?” Your eyes are not moving from the game in front of you.

“Just thought I heard her moaning”

You couldn’t help but to let out a small grin.

“Oh moaning? No, I don’t think so, it was probably just Momo and Dahyun,” you said, receiving a small slap on the arm from Mina in return.

[writtnbyhan]

Can I request a fic where hyunjin had a really bad day and then reader says something that’s obviously meant to be a joke, or idk buys him the wrong order of food etc but he gets really upset and takes it to heart and starts crying and reader realizes something is definitely wrong because he’s never that sensitive and she gets him to open up to her about how stressed he’s been etc and she just helps him get through the day and feel better.

hey!! I loved this request because I love hurt/comfort, even though I don't know if I'm good at writing it...? I tried my best, though! I really hope you like it and that it is what you wanted. I don't know if Hyune actually feels like this sometimes but the mere thought just made me want to fly to Korea and tell this man how much I love him. So, there's that!!! hope you like it.

word count: 1560

Fuck. fuck. fuck.

You know you fucked up, somehow. Looking at your boyfriend's sad face in front of you, you look back upon your interactions today, trying to pinpoint exactly what you did wrong.

Hyunjin had texted you around midday, a simple “coming over tonight after schedules”, to which you responded with a heart emoji and continued working. Luckily, you worked from home so you were able to clean around the house so you could wait for him at your apartment. He was usually done with schedules by 7 p.m., or maybe 8 at the latest. You were free from work by 6:30, so you took a shower and sat on the couch to watch an episode of Friends, sure that by the time it was done your boyfriend would be arriving.

Distracted by the episode, you only remembered he was apparently late when you were halfway through the third episode. Looking at your phone, you saw it was around 10 already.

“baby? you still coming over, right?” you sent, worried frown on your face. You figured he had gone to his place to get cleaned up, maybe dance practice ran late and he had to wait until 3racha showered, or something. He probably had a reasonable explanation, you figured, even when he didn’t text you back, you knew he wouldn’t stand you up.

Sure enough, about 30 minutes later your boyfriend arrived, opening the door for himself and getting inside, running away from the chilly night air that probably made him feel cold due to his wet hair. You frowned, looking at him.

“I’m so, so sorry!” he quickly apologized, taking off his shoes in a rush so as to get closer to you as fast as possible. “Everything got delayed and then Jisung took forever in the shower, I’m so sorry!” he repeated.

“And here I was thinking you stood me up and I’d be able to sleep without someone stealing all the sheets tonight.” you joked, sighing as soon as you finished saying those words as if you meant them, even though it was an obvious joke, and you figured he could tell by the blush that crept to your cheeks as soon as he stepped through the door. Even after dating for a few months, you were always blushing around him.

He froze, but you didn’t notice that because you were watching the screen in front of you to click pause on the episode. After doing so, you closed the laptop and stretched your back, only then looking at him again. You noticed he was staring at the floor and had stopped moving towards you halfway through the living room, so he was standing close to the door, just looking at the floor as if it had something interesting to tell him.

“Hyune?” you asked, worried, trying to get his attention. He hummed without looking up, letting you know you were heard. “What’s going through your head?”

“You really think I would stand you up?” he asked, and his voice broke a little near the end. Your eyes grew big, surprised he was taking that comment so seriously. Before you got a chance to say anything, he continued. “Am I… do I ever make you believe you're not loved enough?”

He looked up as he let out the last question, and you were now able to see the tears that were running silently down his face, his worried eyes fixed on you as you gasped in surprise, quickly getting up to get close to him.

“Hyunjin! No!” You were almost reprimanding him. Seeing him this sad made you feel guilty, and your heart broke a little at the sight of the tears and the hurt he was feeling.

When you were close enough, you tiptoed and put your arms around his shoulders, hugging him tightly.

“Baby, I never once believed you were actually standing me up, you make me feel so loved and so sure. I knew if you weren’t coming you’d let me know, so I figured something had happened and you were running late.” you explained in whispers, still hugging him.

His arms were around your waist now, and he hugged you so tight he almost left you without air. His face was hidden in your neck, and you could feel his wet cheeks brushing against your skin. You worry, because it’s obvious that the tears are still falling and because he’s never this insecure.

“Hyune?” you ask again to get his attention, but you don’t wait for a hum this time before continuing. “What’s wrong?”

Hyunjin is silent for a few seconds, probably thinking if you really want to hear what’s burdening him. Trying to be reassuring, you move one of your hands to his hair, interlocking your hands with locks of hair, massaging his scalp. He sighs, and you know you broke through him and his walls — they’re never strong enough to keep you out, and you’re so glad for that.

“I’m just stressed, y/n…” he says, voice so tired it makes you wanna cry.

When you realize he won’t continue talking, you try to get him to open up more. “Why is that, baby? What exactly has got you this stressed? You know you’re an amazing artist so, what’s wrong?”

Hyunjin thinks. He’s picking up the reasons why he’s stressed, trying to organize his thoughts and put them into words.

“Everything is too much.” he settles for, in the end. “You know the comeback is this week, right?” You nod, and he must feel it against his head because he continues. “Well, we have everything ready and only practice the choreographies and film interviews and that’s the thing. I feel like I should be doing more, I feel like people think I should be doing more. Also! The whole ambassador thing… it makes me so happy, but I feel like I’m also not good enough for it, not worthy of such an honor… I should be doing more to actually earn it.” he says, almost rushing through his words as more things come to mind. You’re still hugging, so he can’t see how you close your eyes in a pained expression as you hear him speak. It hurts you that he thinks this way of himself.

“Hyunjin…” Your voice breaks, betraying you. “You are doing so good, I’ve seen you practice the choreographies and I see your work with Versace and… baby, believe me, you’re doing enough. You are enough. Even if you weren’t doing anything, you deserve this so much because you’re you! They want you because you have the charisma, and the look, not because of what you do to promote. The enterprise and the kids, they love you because you’re you, and you do an amazing work. If they wanted you to do more, they would ask for it. If they don’t tell you explicitly, that means you’re doing enough — and knowing you, you’re probably doing even more than you should. Do you think your fancams have the amount of views they have just because you’re pretty? I mean, you are, I won’t deny that, but you’re also mesmerizing on stage, even when you don’t try that hard. Now, I can tell that you’re trying because you look… more than thrice as good. It’s actually unbelievable. I know Stay is proud of you, and I am too. No one thinks you should do more than what you do or you should try harder, we think you’re enough, and we thank you for doing what you do already.”

Your voice is firm, even if it breaks sometimes, betraying that tears are running down your face too. It makes you ache that the person you love so much is doubting himself.

“Baby…” Hyunjin says, and his voice is barely audible. He’s sobbing now against your neck, and you don’t blame him because you can only imagine how long he’s kept this hidden and how badly he needed to hear what you just told him.

You shush him and go back to massaging his scalp.

“Let’s go to bed, okay? You need to rest, and you need cuddles and kisses. I’m going to kiss you until you forget every doubt you have about yourself, okay?” You whisper, trying to lighten the mood. He chuckles and nods, untangling himself from you but taking your hand, guiding you to your room. You notice he doesn’t want you to see him while he cries because he turns around quickly. You smile, shaking your head slowly. You’re so in love with that man, you doubt there’s anything he could do to scare you away.

You squeeze his hand three times, the universal signal for “I love you”. He squeezes back, and when you arrive in the bedroom you cuddle with him and make good on your promise to kiss him until he forgets.

The next day, you start by reminding him how proud you are of him, and promising him that the kids are also proud, and so is Stay. You take it one day at a time, checking in on him and letting him tell you every doubt he has, something just to get them off his chest and sometimes so you can free him of said doubts. One day at a time, slowly, until he realizes how much he’s worth.

[ekaterin1701]

Another episode of Stargate watched last night - Season 1, episode 12 Bloodlines, which made me realise that out of the four members of SG1, Sam was the only one who hadn’t been married, which led to this little piece of dialogue (set between seasons 8 and 9, when Sam is at Area 51 and Jack is still at the SGC):

***

She’s drowsy in bed, when the thought occurs to her, and it spills out of her mouth before she can stop it. ‘I’d never really thought about the fact all three of you were married. I’m the only one who hasn’t been.’

Jack goes still beside her for a moment, before he speaks. ‘I haven’t wanted to rush you, Sam, but I’d be happy to change that fact.’

Oh. She can’t speak for a moment. ‘That’s good to know.’

Jack proposes at the cabin when they’re up there for Labor Day weekend. Sam says yes before he’s even finished asking.

***

I don’t have anything else to go with it, but just had to write it down 🥰

[winchesterwild78]

Behind the Scenes pt 8

Master List 

Minors DNI 18+

Warnings: fluff, quick moment of Smut (I mean come on, it is a wedding.), then more sweetness

A/N: The wedding is here! Please enjoy this last chapter. This is a work of fiction. No disrespect to Jensen or Jared or their families. *kinda a long chapter, with a slight time jump*

I edited this fast- please forgive any mistakes 

This is my original work, do not take it. 

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*Time Jump 9 months*

“Jens, can you get Tristan ready? I need to take a quick shower before we head out.” You called from the bedroom. Jensen walked into Tristan’s nursery and looked at his 9 month old son. Tristan sat up in his crib and held his arms up “daadaa”. Tristan looked at Jensen and smiled. “Hey little man. How was your nap?” Tristan babbled as Jensen picked him up. 

Jensen walked him over to the changing table and started to change him. “We’ve gotta get you looking handsome. Mommy and Daddy are getting married tomorrow so tonight we get to see Nana, Poppop, Grammy and Pawpaw and the rest of the family. Uncle Jared and Aunt Gen will be there too.”  Jensen continued talking as he got Tristan ready. 

You finished getting ready and walked past the nursery and stopped to watch Jensen. These past 9 months have been incredible, Jensen and you were in awe of how fast Tristan was growing, the two of you planned your wedding and you had both gone back to work on the show. 

You were thankful you were able to take Tristan with you and he was even featured in a few episodes as Lilah’s and Sam’s son. The studio was incredible and so accommodating. Your wedding came in the middle of the shooting schedule, but there was a planned week break starting two days before the wedding. Misha had taken an online class to become ordained so he could perform your ceremony. Everything was falling into place.

Jensen, Tristan and you arrived at the ceremony location to do the rehearsal. Misha pulled you aside to talk to you about a surprise you two had been working on for Jensen. “Hey, Y/N, just wanted to let you know everything is good to go.” You smiled and thanked him. 

Jensen’s brother and Jared were going to be standing with him for the ceremony. You had asked your best friend, Y/F/N, and Gen to stand up with you. 

Jared and Gen’s oldest, Tom, was asked to help Tristan down the aisle in his wagon. He loved the idea. The other two, Shep and Odette were in the wedding too. 

You stood at the end of the aisle waiting for your cue. You walked towards Jensen and the rehearsal continued. Misha talked about some of the things he was going to say tomorrow and what to expect.

 Once the rehearsal was done everyone gathered for some food and fun. Tristan was getting fussy so you took him outside for some air. Jensen followed you out. “Hey, Y/N, is everything okay with him?” “Yeah, I think he’s just partied out. Too much excitement for one day.” You smiled and kissed Tristan’s head. Jensen wrapped his arms around you and kissed your forehead. “I’ll let Mom know, I know she’s probably getting tired too.” You smiled and nodded.

Jensen’s parents were taking Tristan for the next two nights, so you can rest before tomorrow and you and Jensen can have time alone on your wedding night. You were incredibly thankful for them. 

A few minutes later Jensen’s parents came out with him to get Tristan. You kissed him goodnight and hugged your in-laws. When they were gone you stayed outside for a few more minutes with Jensen. He was standing behind you and wrapped his arms around you, pulling you close to his chest. 

“Whatcha thinking about sweetheart?” “Just this past year. It’s been a crazy, wonderful ride. I got an awesome job, met an incredible man, had his baby, and now we are getting married. I keep thinking I’m going to wake up from a dream.” You looked over your shoulder and smiled at him. “I’m glad it isn’t a dream. I love you and Tristan so much. I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with you.”

He kissed your neck and led you back inside. “Are you all set to stay at Jared’s tonight?” Jensen nodded, and you pouted. “Hey, it’s only for one night.” He smiled and lifted your chin. Jensen leaned down, capturing your lips in a slow, passionate kiss. You moaned a little and he deepened the kiss. “Okay guys, break it up. Save it for the honeymoon.” Jared yelled from across the room. 

You blushed and Jensen laughed. “I love you, Y/N.” “I love you too, Jensen.” “Let me walk you to your car, sweetheart.” Jensen placed his hand on the small of your back and guided you outside. 

The air was thick with excitement and anticipation. You leaned into his chest, taking in his scent. He always smelled amazing, even after time at the gym. You breathed deeply and his large arms pulled you into a tight embrace. He kissed the top of your head. The two of you stood there for what seemed like hours, just holding each other. You nor he wanted to let go. 

“Baby, I don’t want to leave, but we both need our rest. I’d hate to take pictures tomorrow and look like we haven’t slept in a year.” You slowly pulled yourself from his arms. Jensen held your hand as he walked you around to the driver’s side of your car. He opened the door and you climbed in. Jensen leaned down and into the car, placing a gentle kiss on your lips. “I love you so much, sweetheart. Text me when you get home.” “I love you too, Jens, and I will.”

He closed your door and you left, heading back to your empty home. When you walked inside you took out your phone and sent Jensen a text.

You: I’m home, babe. Door is locked and I’m heading to bed soon.

Jensen: I’m glad you made it home, we just got back to Jared’s house. I’m heading to bed soon too. I can’t wait to marry you tomorrow, my love.

You: I can’t wait either. I love you, Jensen Ross Ackles!!

Jensen: I love you too, Y/N Y/M/N Y/L/N, soon to be Mrs. Ackles! ❣️

You: You’re adorable. Good night baby

Jensen: I know I am. 😀 Good night to you too.

You got ready for bed and climbed into your bed. You were exhausted but had a hard time falling asleep. You finally laid on Jensen’s pillow and were able to drift off to sleep.The sound of your phone ringing woke you up early the next morning. It was Gen. 

“Hello” you said sleepily. “Hey! Are you up?” Gen gleefully asked. “I am now.” You yawned. “Girl, I'll be there in 5 minutes to help you start getting ready. I’m so excited.” You smiled and got up. You took a look in the mirror and smiled. 

“Today is the day you finally become Mrs. Jensen Ackles.” You took a deep breath and went downstairs. Gen knocked on the door and you let her in. “Go take a shower, and I’ll make you some breakfast.” She smiled. You hugged her and went upstairs to take a shower. Before you got in the shower a text message came through.

Jensen: Good morning my beautiful bride. I’m counting the hours until we say “I do”

You: Good morning my handsome husband. I am too. I’ll be the one at the end of the aisle in the dress with the flowers.

Jensen: I can’t wait to see your dress, and then take it off of you. I missed you sleeping in my arms last night.

You: You’re bad. 😊 I missed you too. I’m jumping in the shower. I’ll see you in a few hours. I love you.

Jensen: I am too. I love you too.

You jumped in the shower letting the warm water envelop you. Once you got out you threw on some comfy clothes and went  downstairs. Gen had just finished making breakfast and coffee. You sat down and smiled, thanking her for cooking. The two of you ate and talked. “Once we finish eating we should head to the venue to start getting you ready and get your pictures taken before the ceremony.” You nodded and finished your coffee and food. 

About an hour later you and Gen were on your way to the venue. You walked in the bridal suite and saw your dress hanging and waiting for you. The people you hired to do your hair and makeup had arrived shortly after you. They were actually the hair and makeup team for Supernatural. You told them you didn’t trust anyone else to do your hair and makeup for your wedding than them. 

A few hours later you were ready and your dress was on. Standing in the bridal suite you were fidgeting nervously when there was a knock at the door. Gen walked over to answer it and it was Jared. Jared stepped in “You look beautiful, Y/N.” He pulled you in for a hug. “Jensen asked me to give you this.” He handed you a small box wrapped with a bow. You thanked him and smiled. You opened the box and it was a gold heart shaped locket. You opened it and on one side was a picture of Jensen and the other was a picture of Tristan. On the back was engraved “All Our Own”. 

You put it on and touched it. You handed Jared a small bag and told him it was for Jensen. He hugged you and left the room. Jared walked in the room where Jensen was and smiled. “She’s absolutely beautiful, man. She loved the locket and asked me to give you this.” Jared handed Jensen the bag. Jensen opened it and found a beautiful pocket watch. He opened it up and saw a picture of you holding Tristan. On the back you had engraved “All Our Own”. Jensen chuckled and showed Jared. 

Jared laughed “Great minds, huh.” “Well, it’s time to start the ceremony. Are you ready Jens?” “Yes, more than ready.” 

Jensen, Jared and Jensen’s brother walked out and down the aisle. As they walked they greeted everyone and Jensen thanked them for coming. The next surprise that you had planned was about to show up. You had Gen recording, because you wanted to see Jensen’s reaction. 

Misha walked out to stand at the front and laughter erupted in the venue. Jensen turned and started laughing his deep laugh. Misha was dressed in his Castiel costume. You and Misha had decided “The Angel of the Lord” should perform the ceremony. 

Gen walked back to you and told you Jensen and everyone loved it. You smiled and grabbed your flowers. After everyone walked down the aisle it was your turn. You took a deep breath and stepped out. Looking forward and directly at Jensen. His green eyes sparkled with tears and his face beamed as you walked closer. 

When you got to the end of the aisle you handed your bouquet to Gen, and took Jensen’s hands. He leaned over and said “You are absolutely breathtaking. I am the luckiest man alive.” He gently kissed your cheek. 

Misha performed the ceremony in Cass’ voice, and added some jokes in. At the end of the ceremony Misha said “By the power vested in me by the internet and Chuck, I now pronounce you husband and wife. Jensen, you may now kiss your bride…again.” Jensen leaned you back and kissed you. As the two of you turned Misha announced “It is my pleasure to introduce you to Mr. and Mrs. Jensen Ackles.”

The two of you walked back up the aisle to cheers and applause. Jensen led you back to the bridal suite and shut the door. As soon as the door was shut Jensen leaned you up against it and placed a deep passionate kiss on your lips. His hands slid up the bodice of your dress and cupped your breast. You were moaning into his mouth. “God I missed you sweetheart, I can’t wait. I need you now!” Jensen growled. He reached over and locked the door. “Jensen, if you mess up my hair before our pictures our families will kill you.” You laughed. “Don’t worry, I won’t”, he smirked. You clenched your thighs together at that look in his eye. 

Jensen pulled you away from the door and laid you on the couch. He lifted your dress up and slid down your panties. “I need you right now, please.” Jensen looked at you with lust filled eyes. You bit your lip and nodded. His hand disappeared under your dress, finding your sweet spot. You moaned and bucked your hips. His fingers inserted into your wetness and he made you cum so fast you didn’t have time to process what happened. 

You leaned up and kissed him and started to unbuckle his pants. He had already discarded his suit jacket. He removed his hardened length and you leaned over the couch. Jensen lifted your dress up and slid in you from behind. He bottomed out fast and you both let out a moan. His hips moved fast. His thighs slamming into the back of yours as his hands gripped your hips. 

There was a knock on the door, it was Jared. “Hey guys, we need you for pictures.” “We’re kinda busy right now, we’ll be out in a minute.” Jensen yelled back. You giggled and Jared yelled “Damn, brother, couldn’t wait?” You were too focused on Jensen to worry if Jared was still at the door. 

Jensen’s thrusts got faster and you felt him pulse as he filled you with his seed with a grunt. He pulled out and quickly grabbed a towel for you. He didn’t want anything to ruin your dress. After you were clean, he cleaned himself up. You giggled as you fixed your dress and he pulled on his pants. “God that was great, Y/N. I missed you so much!” Jensen kissed your lips and you smiled. “Come on baby, let’s go before Jared breaks down the door.” The two of you walked out of the room hand in hand. A few people looked at you and smirked, but most of them ignored you. Once pictures were done, it was time for the reception. 

During the reception, food and drink were endless and the dancing was fantastic. It was time for your and Jensen’s dance. He took you by the hand and led you to the dance floor. The song “Wanted” by Hunter Hayes played as the two of you swayed together. Jensen twirled you near the end of the song and as you came back into his arms, he dipped you kissing your lips and whispered “I’ll always love you, Mrs. Ackles, now and forever.” You placed your head on his chest and replied “And I’ll always love you, Mr. Ackles, now and forever.”

The End

Tags: @nescaveckdaily  @kr804573 @k-slla @jackles010378 @jawritter

@xx-spooky-little-vampire-xx @roseblue373 @cheynovak @jassackles  @chriszgirl92

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@hobby27 @manicjk @stoneyggirl2 @1-read-the-hobbit-in-1937

[lias-writings]

The making of The Last of Us

pairing: bella ramsey x fem!reader

warnings: kissing, established relationship, pet names, fluff, mention of hickeys, little jealousy

summary: just a few cute moments shared between you and your partner bella during the filming TLOU<33

a/n: hi! so sorry I couldn’t pos this sooner but here we are, I had a really hard week and i finally managed to finish this today anyway thanks to everyone who voted it was helpful, I hope you have a nice day/night and im going to sleep, love ya, enjoy!! <3

masterlist

before you two started dating:

you and bella were the only people around your age during most of the filming a spending 3 months together filming and still had like 8 more to go you just grew closer and gained sort of feelings for each other. both of you were too shy to admit something and the fear of making things awkward wasn’t really handy.

when pedro after weeks finally made bella confess to you, you couldn’t be happier, you were about to spend another months with your now partner working on a tv show you’ve grown to love- what a dream, right?

~~~~~~~

“get a room”

you were sitting on the grass, near the set, enjoying the sun. you haven’t seen much of it while working in canada so you were grateful for every sunny day.

re-reading your lines for scene you were supposed to film next and making sure you remember them correctly you heard footsteps behind you. you didn’t even had to look and you already knew who that is.

feeling two hand wrapping around your waist made it even more obvious to you.

“hi.” bella whispered in your ear gently. you could swear you heard his smile.

“hey.” you said back.

“what are doing love?” they asked while you turned your head to face them

“just reading the lines.” you answered holing eye contact with her and after few seconds of looking at each other with heart eyes and stupid smiles you felt his lips kissing your and you kissed back, almost immediately.

little kisses turned into a make out session but you two still held a little back, knowing anyone could be walking around.

after few seconds you felt bella’s hands back on your waist so instinctively put yours around their neck.

“jesus! seriously, get a room, you two are making single people cry.”

and that was all it took you and bella to open your eyes and almost jump from each other (you would if y’all weren’t sitting ofc).

“pedro, I swear to god, grow up!” you yelled with a smile creeping on your face. bella just chuckled and shook her head in amusement.

“yeah, yeah whatever, now get up we have a work to do, you can make out later.” the man said and started walking towards the set, which was few meters away.

~~~~~~~~~

me? jealous? never!

a/n: lily’s not an actual actress from tlou I completely made her up for the story !! she/her pronouns used for lily :)) oh!! and bcs the 2nd most voted was jealous!bella hear is a short one and longer, better, is on its way !!!

so you and bella have been dating for a few months and everything is great. a few weeks ago you started filming new episode, which means new people on the set. you got friends with a girl named lily, who’s playing a background character and it’s going good so far.

you would never claim yourself as an oblivious person, you always could tell when people tried to hit on you, but this time, you were completely blind.

lily had a crush on you even before you started filming but seeing you in person made her fall for you even more. she knew you were in relationship with bella (I mean you two made it really obvious) and she knew it was wrong from her to like you but she couldn’t help herself.

she started with just small talks with you during the breaks or between each takes, she would even became friends with bella.

after few days she asked you to hang out, you being a perfect gf obviously told bella, who didn’t really mind because lily seemed nice to them as well.

after few weeks of your friendship with lily bella finally figured out what’s all this about but he didn’t want to seem possessive so she haven’t said anything.

they even wouldn’t if you weren’t completely oblivious and didn’t keep on hanging out with lily.

you of course noticed that bella has been more affectionate when people were around and that they haven’t been as nice to lily as they used to. (not that lily was nice to bella, she sort of ignored them whenever you were around)

“don’t you see that? she’s totally into you!” bella said not really calmly after you confronted her about her behaviour.

“what are you talking about? bella, she’s my friend.” you answered confused.

“she doesn’t wants to be friends with you, the way she looks at you, touches your arms whenever you’re around, or when she’s flirting with you? in front of me? that’s not friendship.” bella says back as if it was completely obvious. (it was)

“bella i-wait, are you jealous?”

“me? jealous? never.”

and that’s when it hit you. bella might be an amazing actor but they can’t lie (at least not to you). you also realised that he was right the whole time. looking back you couldn’t believe you were so blind, maybe you wanted to believe that she’s your friend so bad, you didn’t see the rest of it.

in the upcoming time you made sure that lily gets the hint that you are not interested in her and that you would never choose anyone over bella. (i mean who would, it’s bella)

bella also made sure that lily gets the hint by covering your neck (not just the neck but mainly) in blue and purple bruises, not that it was handy while filming ( your makeup artist wasn’t happy and you better believe that) but it fulfilled its purpose.

a/n: btw!! I might do something like this in future again, i had fun writing it!!

[yea-baiyi]

YALL. everyone go watch story of kunning palace i swear it’s worth it im still riding an insane high after i finished it last night.

it’s a very good solid drama for 30 episodes kinda slow burn but well written with good characters and decent plots.

and then in the last 8 episodes, the guy’s sidekick tells him “maybe you should show her how you really feel. show her the real you” and he proceeds to go batshit feral insane. which after watching her pine after and then reject the most morally upright guy ever it fucking WORKS ON HER because she is ALSO insane!!

after that it’s just 8 episodes of him being sloppy desperate for her and begging her to give him an answer while she’s just there buffering because she has to readjust her whole worldview with this news that he’s liked her all along?? she went out to meet her former crush and when she got home he sat her down and made her eat a dinner he made. that was drowning in vinegar. because if he had to drink vinegar then SO SHOULD SHE. and after she doesn’t eat much at dinner he plops down a tray of her favourite cake. that he had given her before earlier in the drama. announces that he made it with his own hands. and she’s like :0 “you made it for me even back then?? but back then we were only….” and he’s immediately like “only? only what? what were we back then? what about now? is it different now? what are we?” and she’s just like .

[my-rose-tinted-glasses]

My memory is terrible so I wanted to do a breakdown of my stuff every once in a while. Might be monthly, might be whenever I feel like it.

QL - Currently Watching

🇹🇭1000 Years Old [10/12] - This is dragging and I am incredibly bored.

🇹🇭23.5 [4/12] - This show is incredibly cute and I'm smiling through the whole thing. Aylin is my favourite and I'm hoping against hope for the teachers to become a couple. Make it happen gmmtv!

🇹🇭Deep Night [6/8] - The long shots are killing me but the story is moving fast. There's a surprising amount of good communication and the throuple is almost inevitable a this point.

🇰🇷Jazz for Two [6/8] - This is the first bl show where I read the source material before the show and I wish I hadn't. The changes that were made just don't make sense to me, because I don't see how it serves the story. But putting that aside, the story feels rushed and the pacing is weird. The second couple doesn't read believable with this time frame. Anyway I might edit this post when I watch the last 2 episodes. [EDIT] Completed. Final thoughts here. 🇯🇵Love is Better The Second Time Around [4/6] - Why must you do this again Japan? 6 episodes for this one? I'm not happy about this. This show is so good. I love how the mains communicate, not to mention they are beautiful to watch.

🇯🇵My Strawberry Film[7/8] - I have no idea what this show is about nor it seems does it. Do I care at this point? Nope, not really. Let it be over.

🇹🇭To Be Continued [6/8] - This is getting into The Promise territory and I'm not amused. Another one that is dragging and I like the second couple but they barely have any screen time. I'll finish it because there are only two episodes left but I'll be sprinting to the finish line.

🇹🇼Unknown [7/12] - It hurts so good. The songs were killing me this episode. I really liked the separation, I think it was necessary for them. Yuan seems more mature and it will be interesting to see how it changes the relationship.

QL - Finished

🇹🇭Cherry Magic Th – What a wonderful surprise this was. Tay and New are beautiful together and their chemistry was on point. I really liked how the source material was used here.

🇯🇵Cherry Magic Anime – It was quite faithful to the manga with only a couple of deviations and of course it didn't cover everything but I really enjoyed watching yet another version of these characters.

🇹🇭Dead Friend Forever – It was quite a ride. I specially enjoyed the communal watching of this one and all the theories as more people tuned in. Didn't love the ending but it was better than I thought. Still not over White though. 🇯🇵Although I Love You, and You? - Started great, the middle was meh, and by the end I wasn't invested enough in the couple so even though it ended happy, it didn't make up for the rest of it. 🇯🇵Perfect Propose - Great all the way through. I loved this characters a lot and still think it's amazing how well the time was used here. 🇯🇵Ossan's Love Returns - It's Japan at it's finest. Love, food, chaos, found family and cherry blossoms. What more can I ask for? 🇯🇵She Loves to Cook, and She Loves to Eat - My heart grew.🖤

🇹🇼Anti Reset - This is one of the most frustrating shows I've watched in a while. This started off strange and most of the show doesn't seem to know what it wanted to say about the AI part of it. It drove crazy on a weekly basis. But I thought their chemistry was really good and they are just an adorable couple. These 4 VBL series [Stay By My Side, You Are Mine, Vip Only] were a mixed bag for me. I think Stay By My Side is my favourite overall.

🇨🇳The Spirealm - First of all, Ruan Lan Zhu is absolutely gorgeous and his outfits are always perfection. The visuals are really good. This was definitely not a cheap production. The sets for all the doors are incredible. Talking only about the game, I gotta say the second door was my favourite. The bromance toes the line, but I'm not surprised this was taken down. I think if they'd kiss it would be less obvious than some of their scenes. I'm not going to spoil the ending but if you're thinking about watching here's your warning. A bit after the halfway point it gets incredibly sad and the ending is just heart-breaking.

Dropped 🇹🇭A Secretly Love [3/10] 🇹🇭Kiseki Chapter 2 [2/6] Also haven't started Two Worlds because I'm waiting to know if I should bother. I'm experiencing a bit of Thai bl fatigue so we'll see.

Rose Watches OJBL

Takumi-kun 1: And The Spring Breeze Whispers (2007) - The editing is choppy as hell and it gets hard to understand the characters motivations. And the acting is not good. Yeah, not a fan of this one. Udagawachou de Matteteyo (2015) - This one is weird. I recently watched Life as a Girl so I admit that the comparison doesn't help this one at all. The idea is interesting but the execution is poor. There's a couple of scenes that are a bit hard to watch. In this particular story I think if we had a bit more insight to the characters motivations it would've helped me connect and feel more invested. In the end, for my particular goal it was fine I guess.

Other - Watched

🩷Tengu's Kitchen (2023) | Fudanshi Bartender no Tashinami (2022) Formula 17 (2004) | Mars: Zero no Kakumei (2024) | 🩷Joshi-teki Seikatsu (2018)

1 Year of Rose-Tinted Glasses

It's been a year of Rose this month. And it's been kinda great. It took me a while to get over my shyness here and I still feel intimidated but it's gotten better. The people in this space have been really kind to me and I appreciate it so much. Thank you so much for the space.

That's it for right now. As usual my ask box is open for gif requests and any other questions. Happy Easter to all who celebrate.

Have a good week💜

[theoreticallybread]

so. agatha all along, huh?

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

you don’t wanna know just how fast i whipped out my phone to take a picture of that

was literally kicking my feet and giggling too

ehem-

to be honest, i kinda wish they’d just finished it off on ep 8, not that i don’t appreciate the nicky flashbacks i just feel like the whole ghost thing was really out of place????? was discussing this with @starfruitsomething and we came up with a better way to do it (i also meant to post this last night but it got late so i went to bed instead)

anywho, here’s how i think the episodes should be, based off that conversation:

episode eight should have given us the whole flashback sequence that we got at the start of ep 9, in my opinion. instead of using the last part of this episode for the huge fight/agatha dies thing, the flashbacks would have made more sense to me especially after she grows the dandelion.

episode nine then would have had the fight scene, agatha dying, and then some sort of confrontation with nicky. i just feel as though that whole inner conflict agatha has throughout the show is never actually resolved and it’s really unsatisfying. after having a conversation with nicky about what she did and him maybe forgiving her so she can forgive herself, she could come back as a ghost, or just stay dead because the whole ghost thing really confuses me and a good chunk of me is still convinced that it’s an illusion agatha has cast and she’s still alive. they also never explain how exactly she becomes a ghost??? but yeah, whether or not she comes back, billy goes still decides to go look for his brother. he also would have figured out the whole ‘it’s all in his head’ thing on his own, or maybe even rio helps him uncover that instead of agatha.

but yeah, there’s my version of a fix-it for the season finale(s)

[darkshines1984]

So, i finally got around to watching the final two episodes of Agatha All Along for a second time (and this time on tv screen and not bleary eyed on my phone in the middle of the night). In terms of where the story line went, I pretty much expected it and had long since excepted Agatha was going to die and become a ghost like in the comics.

Was I super impressed by the two episodes? No. Episode 9 wasn't a bad episode in itself but it was a strange season finale. It felt underwhelming after the drama of the episode before. Episode 8 had a lot of good stuff but it felt disorganised and chaotic. I think it really contrasted against last weeks Episode 7, which brought a lot of threads together very intellugently and fluidly. Instead, so much was thrown into a short time in episode 8 that the threads of storyline just kind of touched base in the episode without truly intertwining. I think the episode probably needed to be ten minutes longer to fit everything in more comfortably.

Was it a terrible ending? No. I am happy with were it left off. Its a neat place to go from Agatha All Along to 'Wiccan' or whatever they chose to call the next series.

I know a lot of people are hoping for a season 2 of Agatha All Along but its not going to happen. Like Wandavision led directly to this series, this series was always leading to Wiccan. Not to worry though as, like Billy was the other main character in this series, Agatha is going to have a key role in his. It will no doubt be Jac Schaeffer again and this will allow time to explore more of Agatha's backstory. I will eat my hat if Rio isnt involved somehow in that series, especially as death will still be a theme. I also did really enjoy Billy's story and cant wait to see were it goes.

What they decide to do with Agatha at the end of that season will depend on if the MCU has further plans for her. If they do, then somehow she will come back to life (as she does in the comics). If they dont have plans, then the option is there to finally lay her to rest with her son, reconciled with her own past. You have to feel that in either of those options, Rio has a role to play.

Finally, although I love a redemption story as much as the next person, i am glad they didn't completely go down that line with Agatha. Yes she has some redeeming qualities but on the whole she is a pretty terrible person. She is selfish and cruel. She is a murderer and con woman. She made her own child complicit in those murders. Yes, I get she wanted to keep him alive, but that absolutely does not make her actions right. She is emotionally manipulative...i mean so manipulative she pretty much emotionally abuses and uses the literal embodiment of death. I dont think you have to ignore all that and even try to make excuses for her to still love the character.

I have to say though, if I was playing Alice's 'kiss, kill, marry' game with the last three women standing (i use the word standing with Agatha very loosely), I would be killing Agatha all over again. You couldnt trust her as far as you could throw her 🤣

So, I would just like to finish by saying thank you to Jac Schaeffer, her team and the cast for a great show and the amount of amazing queer representation. Also, huge shout out to the fans who have made so much content (fics, videos, gif sets, artwork, commentary etc). You have made this wild ride even better X

[sherrysgirl]

spaeve rant??

season 8 spoilers !!!

i just finished watching zugzwang last night and i’m on my first watch so my thoughts might change anytime (i doubt that)

tbh i don’t know how to feel abt the maeve arc. overall, i think maeve and spencer had a lot of potential. they’re super cute, both very smart people and share a bunch of the same interests but their storyline was so horribly written.

first of all, she just appears out of nowhere? and we’re told that they’ve been in contact for a long time when spencer sent her his mri scans (to which she said his mri looked so interesting she just had to get to know him????)

they first start out with sending each other letters for three months but once it gets serious between them they switch to talking on a payphone every sunday. which is basically what their entire relationship is (worse than edating tbh) because she has a stalker and doesn’t want them to know abt spencer.

and not only that but they have absolutely no clue how the other person looks like. maeve knows his full name and the fact that he works with the fbi but for some reason she refuses to look him up (could not be me!)

she has been terrorized by this stalker for so long, she literally had to end things with her fiancé (who she never told spencer abt btw), quit her job and hid at home for several months. yet when spencer offered to help find her stalker with his team she said no and for whatever stupid reason spencer let her be, knowing damn well from his job as an fbi agent that most stalkers don’t just “disappear”. how did these two even want to continue their relationship?? get married and have kids over the payphone?

and once they think the stalker is gone and arrange a date, spencer panics and thinks a random man (who turned out to be the ex fiancé) is the stalker so he calls maeve and tells her to go back home. two minutes later he figures out that he’s not the stalker and just moves on with his day when he could’ve just called her again and told her to come back i promise you she probably didn’t even get into a taxi yet 😭

but hey!!!! they actually ended up seeing each other 🙈 only both of them were held at gunpoint and he had to tell her that he doesn’t love her because the stalker told him to. then she was pretty much killed in front of his own eyes and entire team. fun!

i’m honestly after whoever thought of this entire arc because while i appreciate trying to give spencer a love interest this was horrible horrible writing from start to finish. i get that’s what mgg wanted. but we saw her alive for a good three episodes? and zugzwang was a mess tbh. i was underwhelmed and confused. you’re horrible at your job and the twelve year old wattpad writers could do him more justice than you mfs.

[vague-bisexual-crimes]

hiiii I wrote this at midnight last night and edited it like five minutes after I woke up so please be nice and forgive any grammatical errors 🙏

Description: almost 3k words of post-hiatus, pre-relationship Jimmy and Lister, ft. pining and background Frances and Rowan.

Rated: G

TWs: canon-typical anxiety, brief mentions of alcohol and drinking

Without any further ado my first (bicci) fanfic ever!

sleepless nights (as long as they’re with you)

Somewhere between Lister almost dying, drunk and alone in a river some short ways from Pierro’s and the release of The Ark’s first post-hiatus album, Jimmy realized something. Jimmy realized that maybe, just maybe, Lister wasn’t just objectively attractive, but, in fact, Jimmy was attracted to him. Jimmy tries to think back to when they were younger, or even just a few years ago to try to figure out if the attraction is recent or had always been there. Either way, the romantic feelings began to develop a few months after they’d brought Lister home from the hospital.

Rowan is gone visiting his not-girlfriend Frances Janvier, so it’s just Jimmy and Lister in their new-ish apartment. It’s just outside London, close enough for them to be in London on short notice, far enough that they can breathe.

None of the three boys have technically dated during or after the hiatus, but Rowan has been talking to Frances Janvier for a few months, since they’d met at a movie premiere and she had no idea who The Ark was aside from “that’s a band, isn’t it?”, and Rowan was immediately enamored. Jimmy and Lister had placed bets on how soon Rowan and Frances would get together that same night.

It’s getting to be late for Jimmy and Lister. A few weeks into the hiatus they had all begun to put in a genuine effort to get a solid 8 hours of sleep a night, but tomorrow is a day off, and tonight they just don’t care.

The two of them are laying on Jimmy’s bed while Brooklyn 99 episodes auto-play in the background, although they haven’t been watching for some time now.

Lister is ranting about the book series he’s just finished, one that Jimmy read a few years ago and remembers very little of, but is content to listen to Lister tell him the entire plot, along with all of his opinions.

That said, Jimmy is finding it difficult to pay attention to what Lister was saying. Lister’s sitting next to him, wearing Jimmy’s well-loved Black Parade hoodie that Jimmy pulled up from the floor after Lister kept complaining about being cold, but not wanting to get up. Something that should be known about Lister is that whenever he speaks enthusiastically about something, his hands and his arms move a lot. Normally, this is fine and not really notable to Jimmy, however tonight, every time Lister raises an arm, Jimmy’s hair-too-small hoodies rises up and a sliver of Lister’s bare stomach becomes visible.

You would think that when Lister had been laying in his bed shirtless, Jimmy would have been distracted, but Lister had so rarely ever worn anything more than boxers that the sight no longer phased Jimmy. But Lister was in Jimmy’s bed, in Jimmy’s hoodie, and Jimmy was struggling to not stare at his stomach.

“—and I despise love triangles, they’re entirely unnecessary and frankly annoying, but somehow this book did it well?” Lister says, sounding mildly distressed at his own statement.

“Yeah, it’s not like an Edward and Jacob love triangle at all.” Jimmy replies before Lister is rushing off on an entirely different tangent about Twilight.

Blame the Twilight talk, but now Jimmy can’t help but notice Lister’s newest tattoo, a floral piece on the side of his neck. It looks pretty—Lister looks pretty.

Lister looks healthier than Jimmy thinks he’s ever seen him. He’d stopped drinking and was beginning to put on a bit of muscle. But it’s not only that, he has this look in his eye that Jimmy hasn’t seen since The Ark finished recording their first EP Kill It. Like he’s really happy.

Jimmy shakes his head to himself, tears his eyes away from Lister’s neck, and his eyes land on the long forgotten television.

He got over you years ago. Jimmy reminds himself. It would be cruel to do this to him years after the fact. Lister doesn’t deserve that, and Jimmy isn’t going to do that to him.

“—Jim-jam?” Lister’s voice breaks through his thoughts.

Jimmy turns his eyes back to Lister, who seems mildly amused as he takes in Jimmy’s expression.

“Were you listening?” Lister asks, not upset but genuinely inquiring.

“Sorry, I got caught up in my head.” Jimmy replies, which is not technically untrue.

“Are you alright?” Lister asks, his expression shifting just so slightly from amusement to worry, now.

“Yeah, yeah, go on, I’m listening now.” Jimmy coaxes Lister to keep talking and forget his concern.

“Are you sure? You looked upset?” Lister asks. A good and bad thing from The Ark all getting some therapy during the hiatus was that Lister was keen to communicate now. Which was good most of the time, and bad right now.

Jimmy doesn’t say anything, he just looks at Lister. At his Black Parade hoodie, the sleeves fitted where they should be baggy, Lister’s hands no longer moving, but tucked into its pocket. At Lister’s floral tattoo on the side of his neck that Jimmy has wanted to kiss since Lister came home and showed Jimmy and Rowan the piece in the middle of their kitchen while Rowan was making tea and Jimmy was sitting on the counter listening to Rowan go on and on about Frances.

Jimmy’s eyes finally slid up to look at Lister’s face. At the lips he kissed once, in a bathroom, years ago, when Lister had been drunk, and Jimmy didn’t feel that way about him. Where Lister had profusely apologized and begged Jimmy not to hate him. It was an absurd statement then, and it still was. How could Jimmy hate Allister Bird?

Jimmy’s eyes find Lister’s. Lister’s gaze is unwavering and kind. Sometimes Jimmy wonders what his relationship would be to Lister if The Ark hadn’t become what it did.

“Jimmy?”

Therapy also means that Jimmy has learned how to properly communicate. Still, that doesn’t mean he wants to.

Jimmy can feel the panic start to actually build in his chest, the real panic, lively and nauseous, not the thought spiral that Lister had seen moments prior.

It’s now or never. Jimmy seems to realize all at once. He can tell Lister how he feels, potentially ruining the closest relationship he has ever had, that isn’t Rowan or Pierro and Joan, potentially distancing himself from one of the two people in the world who actually know him and understand his life, potentially ruining everything that they had spent the past six months building back up for the band, the band which had managed to have wildly unprecedented success after what their management had considered a far-too-long hiatus.

Or he can tell Lister how he feels and Lister could feel the same way and they can live happily-ever-after.

The latter seems too good to be true.

Lister has always been too good for Jimmy. He always will be. Jimmy is a mess. Even now, when he’s at the best place he has ever been with his mental health and The Ark is doing better than it ever has, what with the new album doing even better than Joan of Arc had at release, Jimmy is still a mess.

But Lister is still looking at him like that. Looking at him like he cares.

“I’m okay, Lister.” Jimmy puts on a weak smile to combat the lumb in his throat. “Do y’want some tea?” Jimmy asks, already halfway out of bed.

“I can do it, watch Brooklyn 99.” Lister says, his hand on Jimmy’s shoulder, gently coaxing him to sit back down.

“You didn’t want to get up—” Jimmy begins to protest.

“I don’t mind.” Lister says so simply that Jimmy nearly begins to cry.

Jimmy says a much-too-quiet “okay”, and Lister slips out into the hallway.

Jimmy tries for a brief moment to actually watch Brooklyn 99 and wait for Lister to get back so he can tell Jimmy about his books. It doesn’t work.

Jimmy sighs in frustration and puts his head between his knees like he can cure romantic feelings in the same way as motion sickness.

Lister either makes the quickest cup of tea known to man, or Jimmy doesn’t notice how long he’s been staring at his fitted sheet, his mind somewhere between a panic attack and a confession.

“Jimmy?” Jimmy wishes he would stop doing things to make his name sound so laced with concern every time it falls off Lister’s lips. “You alright?”

Jimmy sits up and quickly takes the cup of tea from Lister.

“You look like you're about to be sick.” Lister says. “Do you want me to hand you the bin?” Jimmy shakes his head. “Do y’want me to call Rowan?”

“Please, don’t.” Jimmy finally says. He takes a sip of tea if only to avoid this conversation for a moment longer. Chamomile vanilla. Jimmy’s favorite.

He looks up at Lister who’s still standing next to Jimmy’s bed watching him. “You know you can talk to me, yeah?” Lister says, and god there’s a tinge of hurt in his voice that Jimmy knows he didn’t intend to slip through.

“Of course,” Jimmy says, his voice more level than it’s been since the start of this evening. “I tell you everything.” Not necessarily true, but not a lie either. He tells Lister everything…except this.

Lister crawls over Jimmy to get to the other side of the bed, not spilling Jimmy’s tea by some miracle, and immediately wraps his arm around Jimmy. “I love you, you know that?” Lister says with his cheek pressed into Jimmy’s hair.

“I love you, too, Lister.” This doesn’t really feel like a lie. Jimmy, Rowan, and Lister had loved each other for as long as they’d been friends. They haven’t been so vocal about it until their early twenties, but that has never made it any less true.

Jimmy drinks his tea in silence, the only noise in the entire apartment being Jimmy’s TV, and the soft rhythm of Lister’s breath in his ear.

When Jimmy sets his mug on his bedside table, Lister asks, “Want to go to bed?”

It is properly late now and all of Jimmy’s panic has made him exhausted.

“Yeah,” Jimmy answers and Lister’s arm falls away from Jimmy and he begins to crawl out of bed.

Jimmy catches Lister’s arm, moving a bit too fast, and says. “You don’t need to get up. My bed’s big enough for both of us.”

“It’s okay,” Lister begins to slide his arm from Jimmy’s hand.

“Your bed isn’t even made and you’re already here.” Jimmy tries to shrug nonchalantly and sets the TV to turn off after an hour.

“Okay,” Lister says only a bit louder than a whisper.

Jimmy lays down and pulls the covers up and around him, pretending he isn’t aware of every move Lister makes as he sets his phone on the floor by the bed, takes off Jimmy’s Black Parade hoodie and crawls fully under the covers.

Jimmy wasn’t lying when he said his bed was big enough for both of them, there’s a solid foot of bed between them and they still have wiggle room on the other side.

It never takes Jimmy long to fall asleep whenever Lister is there.

***

Rowan comes home the next morning with the news that he’s officially going out with Frances Janvier and Lister slyly hands Jimmy a twenty under the table when Rowan isn’t looking.

“Is she gonna be coming ‘round then?” Jimmy asks between bites of cereal.

“She’ll be ‘round next week, but not for a while after that, she and Aled have some Universe City stuff to do.” Rowan replies.

“That’s great, Ro,” Lister says. “‘Bit jealous that you’re the first one of us to be in a relationship since the hiatus but still.”

Rowan rolls his eyes but his smile doesn’t waver. Rowan and Lister’s relationship has massively improved over the past few years. Partially from Rowan learning that he doesn’t need to take care of Lister all the time, partially because Lister has learned to take care of himself.

“You could date anyone.” Rowan says.

“Of course I could, have you considered none of them are good enough for Allister Bird?” Lister replies instantly.

“Yes, that’s the problem,” Rowan says.

“I’m with Lister on this one, Rowan, how come you’re the one who always ends up in good, long-term relationships?” Jimmy says as he puts his empty bowl in the dishwasher.

“I dated Bliss for two years and I haven’t even been dating Frances for 24 hours.”

“That’s longer term than Jimmy and I for like five years running.” Lister points out.

“That’s a lie! I dated that guy for three weeks when I was 16.” Jimmy protests.

“Relationships from when you were 16 don’t count.” Lister shrugs as though it’s law. “And you can’t even remember his name, can you?”

Jimmy ignores the last part. “You’re counting Bliss!”

“Because they dated while Rowan was also 17 and 18.”

“Impeccable logic as always, Bird.” Rowan says with a pat on Lister’s shoulder. Lister grins smugly at Jimmy.

“Rowan agrees with me.”

“Don’t put words in my mouth.” Rowan says and then they’re all laughing.

***

Frances comes round the week later to stay for two nights. Jimmy and Lister gleefully tease Rowan about having a girlfriend (although they maintain that they’re perfectly nice and civil to Frances, who is lovely), but eventually the novelty begins to wear off and Jimmy and Lister decide to leave Rowan and Frances alone and retreat to Jimmy’s bedroom.

Watching Brooklyn 99 in Jimmy’s room has become something of a routine of theirs lately. Some nights they watch a few episodes until they actually feel tired and Lister will go to his own room to sleep, other nights he sleeps in Jimmy’s room.

Jimmy prefers the nights where Lister sleeps in Jimmy’s room. He can always sleep when Lister is there, despite the background anxiety about his feelings for Lister, he feels safe with him.

Tonight neither of them are really watching the show, instead they’re scrolling through their respective personal social media accounts that the fans somehow have yet to find. It’s a content silence and Jimmy is perfectly happy to continue to watch Brooklyn 99 and scroll through his phone until he falls asleep, but then Lister says,

“Tell me to shut up if I’ve got the wrong idea, but,” Lister pauses and takes a breath. “you seemed genuinely very stressed about something the other night, and you don’t have to tell me, but you haven’t seemed that stressed in so long and I’m worried about you.” Lister looks at him.

Jimmy means to say more, but all that comes out is, “Lister…”

“You don’t have to tell me just…I’m here for you, for anything. I need you to know that.”

Jimmy opens his mouth to speak and closes it.

“Do you remember when you were drunk and you kissed me?” It’s not at all what Jimmy means to say and as soon as it’s out of his mouth he feels shit for bringing it up.

“I—yeah,” Lister looks embarrassed and slightly pained at the memory.

“And I told you, more or less, that I didn’t feel that way about you,” Jimmy continues slowly.

“Jimmy, you don’t have to reject me again. I got it the first time, haha.” It’s the saddest laugh Jimmy’s ever heard and for a moment his entire train of thought derails.

“What?” Jimmy asks.

“I didn’t think I was being that obvious. God, I’m sorry, Jimmy, you must’ve been so uncomfortable.” Lister explains and he looks like he might start crying.

“D’you still like me?” Jimmy’s voice is soft.

“It feels a bit juvenile to say it that way but…but yeah…” Lister thinks for a moment. “What’d’you mean, did you not know?” Jimmy can see Lister trying to work out what the hell is happening and coming up more confused than before.

“No, no, Lister…” the words are still stuck in his throat. It’s now or never.

Jimmy turns to properly face Lister and puts his hands on his cheeks, the tips of his fingers brush against Lister’s soft blond hair. Lister leans in slightly to the touch, but confusion dances across his face.

Slowly, with plenty of time for Lister to stop him, Jimmy leans in. He stops a breath from Lister’s lips and presses his forehead against Lister’s. Lister’s hands come up to rest on Jimmy’s biceps, his breath quickens and seemingly against his will, his eyes flutter shut.

“Can I kiss you?” Jimmy whispers.

“God, please,” Lister whispers and then Jimmy’s lips meet Lister’s and this time it feels right.

Lister’s hands move from Jimmy’s arms to his waist, pulling him gently so that he’s sat in Lister’s lap. Jimmy’s thumbs stroke Lister’s cheeks as they kiss, every anxiety he’d had about telling Lister how he felt washing away with each brush of his lips against Lister’s.

After a moment their lips part from the other’s and Jimmy presses his forehead to Lister’s again as they breathe.

“That’s what you were having anxiety about?” Lister whispers, his breath fanning across Jimmy’s face.

Jimmy nods and slides his arms around Lister’s neck to rest on his shoulders.

Lister kisses him, once, chaste, before burying his face in the crook of Jimmy’s neck. Lister’s arms tighten around Jimmy’s waist and they hold each other for god-knows how long before they hear Frances and Rowan laughing at something in the living room.

They pull back just enough to see each other’s faces. Jimmy runs his fingers through Lister’s hair, pushing it out of his eyes and then kisses him.

“Stay with me tonight?” Jimmy asks.

“Always.” Lister replies and kisses him again.

[trashforhockeyguys]

Vienna Waits For You -8- William Nylander

“Miss Bradshaw Krietzburg, I think it’s very possible that this will work in our favor.”

“Mr. Jefferies, all due respect, but I need to know that it will work. We’ve combed over every line of these contracts.”

“Is there really no loophole she can exploit?” Jackson questioned, taking a sip of coffee. 

“Well, there is one option, although it requires radical action.”

It took Avalyn two months to finally decide to take action against her management team. Jackson was able to hire a lawyer on her behalf, so that her team wouldn’t know anything about it. Together, the three of them met weekly, sometimes more than once, to try to find a way to rid Avalyn of her management. 

She hadn’t spoken to William since that night in her apartment. They were like strangers to each other again, only seeing one another when it came to work related functions. But everytime she saw him from across the room, or on the ice during a game, her chest hurt. She missed seeing him all of the time, missed being with him and talking to him. 

Jackson walked out of the small office with Ava. Both of them had a day off from filming, although they were nearing a break that would last a few weeks. Production wanted to finalize the first two episodes and present them to the studio to make sure that they’d be allowed to continue before finishing off the season. 

“Are you coming to the game tonight?” Jackson asked, a mischievous gleam in his eyes. 

Jackson had been grasping at straws for weeks, doing everything he could to get Avalyn to show interest in anything. The only thing she could focus on outside of filming, was doing everything in her power to get out from underneath her parents. Everything else was just…nothing to her. 

The makeup team had a hell of a time making her look better on screen than she did in real life now. Her cheeks hollowed out a little more again, with large dark circles under her eyes. He knew she didn’t sleep much, or eat more than the bare minimum. She was slipping, and there was little he could do other than keep throwing out a rope and hoping she’d grab it one day.

“No, it's best if I don’t. Besides, I want to make sure I have everything down before the shoot on Monday,” She replied, pulling her coat closer to her body. 

“Avey, you have to give yourself a break at some point. You can’t keep working yourself like this.”

She smiled sadly at Jackson, “I keep working so I don’t have time to think.”

He pulled her close, holding her head against his chest in an effort to block out the world, “I wish I could just fix it all for you. God, I wish you didn’t have to deal with any of this anymore.”

She held onto him, feeling relaxed in his arms, “I know. But I’ll be okay Jacks. We’ll find a way out of my contracts.” 

She pulled away enough to see his face. Avalyn tried not to pay much attention to the worried look he had, instead she brushed some of his long hair away from his eyes and tried her best to smile, “Go to the game. Have some fun.”

“Promise me you’ll get some sleep?” He seemed to beg her, “Don’t obsess over the scripts all night.”

“I’ll do my best. Now go, I don’t want you to miss anything.” She shooed him away, “I love you.”

“I love you more.” 

She forces a smile as she makes her way out of the office. For the past month it felt like she couldn't breathe. Like an elephant was sitting on her chest, forcing the air from her lungs. She tried to fight it, but the unbearable pressure from her parents was getting worse. 

Jefferies thought that maybe she could sue them for her rights, or something like that. But she was afraid of what would happen if she took things to a court, because of how nasty they could get. She knew first hand how vicious they could be when they wanted to be. 

Her phone going off drew her out of her thoughts, she pulled it out of her pocket and answered it without even paying attention to who was calling. 

“Avalyn Bradshaw Kiretzburg.”

“Do you always answer your phone that way?” 

She feels her shoulders sag at the sound of his voice, slowly breaking down every barrier she spent the last several weeks trying to build. She leaned against the wall in the hallway leading to her apartment. She hadn’t talked to him since that night in her apartment. The news about the show broke, she went on several more talk shows with the cast. Her parents scrambled to make it seem like this was something they approved of. But the reception was incredible, everyone seemed to be excited about the new hockey show hitting streaming services within the year. It made Avalyn incredibly proud to be a part of it. 

“Only when I don’t pay attention to who’s calling,” She admitted shyly. 

“Ah, so that’s why you picked up,” He laughs, filling her ears with the wonderful sound. 

“You know we can’t do this,” she sighed, digging in her pocket for her keys. 

“No, I just know you say we can’t,” He rebutted, “I don’t care much about what your parents think.”

“I care too much about you,” She shakes her head, “My dad could have your career ended with a single phone call.”

“Yeah, I don’t buy that,” She can picture his smile as he shakes his head, “Anyway, I wanted to see if you’re coming to the game tonight.” 

“You know I won’t be there,” She tells him softly, “It would cause too many questions. Jackson though, he’ll be there with some of the other cast members.” 

“So you can’t come because?” 

“People are already questioning those pictures of us from a little while back,” She rushed to explain, “I can’t give anyone a reason to look closer. I can’t give them a reason to look at you.” 

“So, more of your self preservation bullshit,” He surmised, “Got it.”

“Will-” 

“Look, I like you Ava, you know that. But I can’t wait for you to decide to live your life,” He informs her, “You have to make that decision. No one can make it for you.” 

“Willy I-” 

“I gotta go, game is getting ready to start. Just wanted to hear your voice before I got on the ice.” 

She wanted to say more. Wanted to beg for him to wait for you to get out from underneath your parents. She was so close she could taste freedom. She just wasn’t sure how to get it, no matter how badly she wanted it.

 So instead she gave it another week, waiting for her next meeting with Mr. Jefferies, when she finally asked what the most radical thing to do would be. He took his time explaining how many moving parts this plan would entail, and how important it was that it go off without a hitch. No one outside of the room could know about it. All she knew is she wanted to be free. 

Avalyn wanted to be rid of her parents once and for all. No matter what it might mean for her career. Jackson was ready to talk to his agent and see if they’d be willing to take Avalyn on as a client, provided they would sign an NDA beforehand, so they couldn’t tell anyone else about this either. 

She longed to tell William. Longed to tell him that she was trying to live her life to the best of her ability. But she just needed to get through the next month and then everything would be different. 

“I’ll need a place to crash, off the grid, once news breaks,” Avalyn stated. 

“What about Rose’s place? The homestead with her family?” Jackson questioned, “She’s coming to guest star on the show next week, we can talk to her.” 

“I don’t want to drag Ro into this though,” Ava sighs. 

“You know she’ll be happy to help. You’ll be safe there, no one even knows where she lives.” 

Avalyn sinks further into her seat, knowing her friend was right. Roisin Quinnlyn, or more famously known as  Rose Quinn was a famous singer and actress and a good friend of Avalyn and Jackson’s. One of the only ones left after Margot’s tirade. She stuck with them throughout all of it, never once turning her back on them. 

Rose was the daughter of Irish immigrant parents, who then brought her grandparents over as well. The family had a homestead of sorts in the state of New York, tucked away where no one really knows. The locals don’t talk about her being there, in fact they protect her in every way that they possibly could. 

Avalyn realized it was one of the few places she actually felt at home. Aside from the home she was slowly making for herself here in Toronto. 

“Yeah, okay,” She finally agrees, “Make the arrangements.” 

Jackson finally relaxes in his chair, knowing his best friend would be free soon. He hated seeing what her parents did to her all of these years. Hated seeing how they broke her down and stole her spirit. He thought some of it had come back when she moved here for the show, but he watched as it slowly disappeared again. 

“Good,” Jacks smiled, “I’ll call Rose tonight and see if she’s game. But she hates your parents as much as we do, so I’m sure she’ll be down to cause some trouble.” 

“You and Rose only cause trouble,” Avalyn rolled her eyes. 

He smiled again, big and bright at her. Showing off his dimples. There was a pang in Avalyn’s chest at the thought that they wouldn’t have to fake date anymore, which meant she wouldn’t see as much of him when they weren’t filming together. She was selfish in the way that she wanted to keep him in her life as much as she possibly could. She loved him, in more ways than one. 

“It’ll be good to see her again though,” He adds in, “It’s been a while.” 

Rose was just coming off the back of a world tour, which sold out every venue. Avalyn and Jackson were lucky enough to catch one of her shows in LA before she went for her European leg. You were in awe of your friend as you watched her on stage, you loved watching her do what she loved. 

“You should talk to Willy,” Jackson said as the two of them made their way back to her apartment, “He really misses you.” 

“I know he does,” She said softly, “I miss him too, but I can’t risk his career, not when I’m so close to getting out.” 

“So after it’s all over? Will you talk to him then?” He asks. 

“I’ll do more than just talk to him,” She admits, “I’ll get on my knees and beg for him.” 

“I don’t think you’ve ever begged for anything,” Jackson lets out a laugh.

She shakes her head, “I begged for him before, begged for my parents to leave him alone. It was the first time I tried to get my way with them.” 

Jackson wrapped his arms around her and kissed the top of her head, “We’ll get you through this. But right now, there are people taking pictures of us, so shut up and kiss me like you love me.” 

“I do love you,” She rolled her eyes, but stood on her tiptoes so she could reach his lips. 

It didn’t feel the same as kissing William. There was no spark with Jacks. Never had been. Anything they did together, they did because they were made to, or it was just safest to do it with one another. They had sex together because it was safe to do so. The other party wouldn't sell the story or anything. Rose and William were the only ones who knew it even happened. 

“I love you,” She forced herself to say overly lovingly. 

“I love you too,” There was a hint of sadness in his voice, in his eyes too, “C’mon, let's get you home.”

[tia-amorosa]

Episode 19: hint from afar (longer Part)

It's Thursday morning, 8:11 am. Pollination has finally found the time to meet up with Pascal and Cassandra, Friedbert has also come along to see his brother-in-law,…, “Good morning. I'm really sorry for putting you off so long, Cassandra"/ ‘oh, please, I have hope that the longer it takes, the more successful the results will be’.

Cassandra also meets Polli's son.,,oh, hello, and you are?“/ ‘Johnny Smith, nice to meet you’/,,hn in, hello. I take it you go to school here?”/,,That's right, but today we have a day off.“/,,And do you like school?”/ “Well… I'm quite a bit ahead of my friends, but I don't let on?”/ “Oh, I see. You're a lot smarter than them,” Cassandra winked at him, as she already knew from little Tycho how quickly the alien children can learn. / „That's how it looks. And you're looking for your mother?"/,,Yes… Apparently you already know all about it.“.

“Yes, I know exactly what my father knows. We're connected…"/ ‘A bit like a network?’/ ‘You could say that, yes’/ ‘wow, impressive’/ ‘well, a bit annoying now and then, but we have the option of putting connection on standby, a temporary disconnection.’/ ‘I see, you can also be private that way’/ ‘oh yes’.

While Cassandra and the others are busy with work on this general day off, Lazlo looks after his nephew at home. “So, do you like the pamp stuff? I think I was given something else as a child.” ‘I don't think so, Uncle Lazlo.’ ”Yes, i did, believe me. That's why I need something solid to bite into now, hehe”

After a little while, the boy finished eating. “and when would you like to kiss the beautiful woman?”. Lazlo winced briefly. “If there's one thing I don't like, it's when you read my mind, you rascal… I don't know, probably never"/ ”Sorry. I like her"/ ”yeah… Me too… When I've eaten, we'll play a little more, okay?”….

Later. Together with Polli and the others, Kassandra drove to the lab. There, Pollination sat down at the main computer, which is fed with all the data. And Cassandra got to see something new. “What exactly is he doing now?”/ „he's connecting to the computer, but not just to it, he's searching all the databases in the universe.’ ”My mother… In the universe” / ‘could well be possible’.

Bella… Goth… Bellaaa… “. His voice was almost monotonous and he said her name over and over again. The procedure lasted about 10 minutes until he fell silent… But only for a few seconds. “Oh, dear child, how did you get there? That's centuries ahead of Earth."/ ‘What do you see, Polli?’/ ”Her grave… On Lunar Lakes”.

Cassandra was in tears. But she smiled. “Hey, are you OK?"/ ”Oh Pascal, yes, everything's fine. I'm just relieved, even though I should be sad"/ ‘I think you've got a few emotions mixed in you now.’/ ”Yes, that's true. So, Lunar Lakes, if her grave is there, her spirit must be there too“/”yes and… No,” they heard the monotone voice say from behind. “What do you mean, Polli?”…

Po:,,As you know, a ghost only comes at night, and not even every night. And the place where they usually stay is the afterlife"/ C: ‘but that's not where she is, according to my family’/ Po:,,that's right… She is…"/ P: ‘in a paraphysical plane?’/ ”Correct. We just have to find out which one. And you know…"/ ‘phew, yes, there's not just one, but countless’/ ‘and once we've found it, we just have to pull her out“’.

“These planes… Are they something like intermediate worlds?"/ ”Between this world and the other, there are countless other places where souls and spirits roam. Some are in good hands there, others more or less stray there for various reasons"/ ”o.k., and… You think you can get them out of there?“/”Yes, that's why we developed this device. A while ago”.

“And how exactly does it work? Pascal hadn't told me much on the phone so far"/ ”Hnhn, that's the point of a surprise. But one that isn't 100% fixed, so he's been working hard on the calibration for the last few days. The transporter has to be activated manually. Then you go out of the room again. Once we have located your mother precisely, we can beam her here”.

“I'll switch off again, the force field is still a bit unstable. Shit, it'll really have to sit when we find her…"/ ‘It's okay, and then come back out, you could hardly see anything for a week last time’. …

Now that the new information had been collected, everything was set up on the main computer for the further search for Bella, but a kind of early warning system should also be set up on the computer at home so that a notification is sent as soon as the sensors have located her. “so she'll be in one of the levels… how do you think she got there?"/ ‘only she knows, or nobody does’.

It took a moment for Pollination to sit down with the others again… “Is it very tiring when you make contact with the universe?”/ “Let's put it this way, until 200 years ago it was much easier for me, hnhn. But the connection is precise and I can communicate with every conceivable species still in existence out there. And their computers too.”.

“Really incredible. With every species in the universe? Even with animals?"/,,Mhm… Plants too, everything that lives. So that excludes stones smirk"/ ”Yes, that's what I thought chuckle. You really are very nice, Polli. I always thought the aliens would take over our world"/ ‘well, one day, some alien nation or other will for sure’/ ‘not very reassuring.’/ ‘I know, but fact’…

“ but believe me, Cassandra, by the time that happens, humanity may even have destroyed itself"/ ”yes, that may well be possible. After all, there are enough elites who want to see the weaker people on the ground."/ ”That's how it looks. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go home“/”of course. And thank you very, very much., Polli“.

After Pollination had left, they talked briefly about everything that had been done so far. “What does it actually mean that the transporter is not yet 100% fixed?"/ ”Well, that means that the energy force field we use to grab your mother must not collapse. Even if the process won't take more than 2-3 minutes, we want to prevent problems"/ ‘Of course, definitely’.

“I forgot to ask him… Where is Lunar Lakes?"/ ‘A few light years outside our solar system’/ ”mhm. I wonder how she got there… And most of all… How she died…“/”I think we'll figure it all out. We're done here for today. I'm connected to the main computer at home, so if anything happens, we'll be informed“/,,o.k.”.

While the others make their way home, Lazlo treats himself to a little space trip. It's only virtual, but it's worth a lot: “Let's see if I see that pretty snail again, hehe, she was really cute with her four eyes”.

Playing ball in the desert. Pascal and Cassandra get on really well. And so far she's been so focused on the mission with her mother that she hasn't thought much about her fiancé. But she tells herself that he's getting on well. Especially with other women. She looks at the whole thing almost enviously. He can do it whenever he wants and she has to stick strictly to her abstinence. If only it were different…

It was a late dinner that day. “So, have you made any progress?“/”Halfway there. How is my son?“/ ‘Good. He's already talking about finally wanting to go to school’/” Well, there's still a bit of time until then."/. “Will he make good friends? I mean, he'll always be a few steps ahead of the others when it comes to learning. Just like Johnny"/ ”I think so, and he still has his aunts who are just like him. They will also teach him the right learning pace”. Not much more was said. Cassandra thought for a moment about the machine she had seen behind the glass. That glow. One day, hopefully, she would see her mother in it again.

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