#she isn't even the one who prescribed them to me. i just take them at such a low dose (cut a pill into quarters) and so infrequently

[lastoneout]

Also another more recent one here!

While wider studies are needed, it does feel really insidious that stimulant medication is misunderstood, demonized, and so strictly regulated that most of us have had to go without for days or weeks at a time sometimes multiple times a year or even EVERY MONTH, and in some places it's almost impossible to actually access at all while the truth is that it is quite literally life-saving medical care for those of us who need it.

I've left the stove on three separate times when unmedicated and I was VERY lucky that none of them resulted in carbon monoxide poisoning or me burning my house down. I've also nearly electrocuted myself or walked into traffic, being off my meds legit feels like all my senses are dulled, I'm far clumsier which leads to injury, forget important things like if I've taken my other meds, meds that if I go off of suddenly or take too much of can cause severe health problems. I've heard horror stories of how hard it is to even just drive safely with unmedicated ADHD and most people don't even realize how unsafe it is until they've gone on meds and learned what normal driving is for a neurotypical person. And the list goes on. Hell, being unmedicated can even lead to losing our jobs, housing, or access to food and support systems, and makes it way harder to keep your house clean, all of which also lead to an increased risk of injury, illness, and death. I've missed rent more times than I can count, racked up credit card debt, had my utilities shut off, all because I just can't fucking remember to pay bills on time without my meds, I've missed fucking black mold in my shower, accidentally eaten food out of date, gotten way too drunk without realizing it, it's a nightmare, it really is.

I really just hate thinking about how many people with ADHD have likely died or been seriously injured or suffered due to simple mistakes that they never would have made if they were properly medicated, and it makes me so angry that ADHD treatment is so hard to get almost entirely based on bullshit scaremongering about addiction. In fact being medicated puts ADHDers at LESS of a risk of turning to alcohol and drugs to make our lives manageable, and it's nearly impossible for someone with ADHD to get addicted to a stimulant medication anyway.

(Not that addicts deserve what happens to them, they need help and support as well, everyone deserves human rights and to have their needs met, this just is a completely fabricated problem when it comes to ADHD and it's normalization is legit killing us. My mom has also nearly died due to not being medicated and she to go through like four different licensed psychatrists until she found one who would actually prescribe ritalin for her, the rest all cited risk of addiction as a reason to deny her even though they should fucking know that isn't a legit concern. One even said she just "didn't want to be held responsible" for her patients forming addictions to ADHD meds. I wonder how she'd feel if she was held responsible for all the suffering her desperation to keep her hands clean has almost certainly caused.)

And tbh I'd also rather a million people get high off adderall than have even one person with ADHD miss out on medical care that can save their life because disabled people shouldn't have to suffer to make up for shit we basically can't do. Why should someone else abusing adderall mean I have to risk my life and go without. Make it make sense.

It is actually way better for 100 addicts to get their fix on pain pills than a single person in pain go without. I call this the "Torture is bad" principle. You should be able to get the good stuff forever after a single doctor's visit. If you're worried about addicts fund rehab centers and needle exchanges instead of torturing people.

[mellowwillowy]

Zapolyarny Palace's Cat

Fem reader, either a literal cat or a hybrid(?) is up to you. All Harbingers + Archon, Pulcinella, and his grandpa joke (aww), Scaramouche appears later as a surprise. Yan tendencies near the ending.

"Mew.."

You mewl while Childe scratches your head, Pantalone tends your nails, Columbina combs your furs, Sandrone fixes the bowtie on your tail while Capitano feeds you a cat snack. Both Pierro and Pulcinella are reading your examination report, ensuring no anomalies to your health. Dottore on the other hand, is prescribing you multiple supplements to be taken for this one week. Rosalyne and Arlecchino are preparing your meal, only the best and warmest for you!

"Yaah, it seems like our little princess is getting sleepy!" Childe chirps while Pantalone eyes him to keep his voice down.

"Well I think it's fine if she wants to sleep now, she just went through all those troublesome checkups today," Sandrone replies as she makes sure the angle of the bowtie is perfect.

"I'm sure both Signora and Arlecchino are nowhere near finishing the dishes for Princess," Columbina humms as she combs your furs, the best thing you could ever wish for.

Capitano freezes midway, contemplating whether he should keep letting you lick the snack.

"I think it's better to end her snack time now, she might not eat her dinner because she's full later," Pantalone chides the confused Captain.

Capitano put away the snack and asked both Pierro and Pulcinella about the report,

"How is it? Any anomalies?"

"She's in peak-perfect condition, it's great that she doesn't catch a cold anymore," Pierro says as he hands Capitano the report.

"It would be worrying if she catches one again, if that happens again, maybe we should let her visit the other nation," Pulcinella suggests jokingly.

"If so, that would only halt her from adapting, Rooster. Remember, no matter where she heads, she is still our Nation's pride and joy"

Everyone looks toward the Tsaritsa who is staring at them all sternly,

With you on her lap.

"Honestly, that old hag doesn't look so intimidating anymore with princess sleeping on her lap," Dottore mumbled to himself before he is surprised by Arlecchino's response.

"I know right, she doesn't feel cold anymore like the ice she is. Maybe Princess really is her portable heater"

"Arlecchino, be careful of spilling princess' milk," Signora reminds the Knave as she carries a tray of meals, one that looks tasty even for humans except that it's served for you.

"Princess, wake up~ your dinner's ready~" Signora places down the tray while poking you, her voice completely different from how she usually speaks.

To be fair, everyone's tone is different when it comes to you,

"Princess, it's your favorite," Capitano holds the bowl in front of your nose, the smell tempting you to wake up and lick your lip.

God~~ even the sternest Captain is cooing at you~~

"The milk? Warm! Tasty! Princess~~ come to quench your thirst with this~~" Childe holds the bowl in front of you as well.

"Look at these side treats," Arlecchino holds some treats in which Dottore has inserted the supplements into it.

"You have to make sure she eats it all!" He whispers into her ear.

"Ohoho! Look at these chickens, oh no, it's me but minced and cooked isn't it?"

'What a grandpa-style joke' everyone thinks to themselves.

You stretch yourself, tail wagging from left to right before sniffing the meal. It does look really tasty, different from your daily meals, probably because you just had your check-ups.

"Oh? She's finally eating it now" Sandrone watches in adoration.

Everyone watches you eat peacefully, with you no longer weirded out by this.

"Slowly, no one's taking your dinner away princess~" Pantalone coos at you as his finger brushes your fave lightly.

"Maybe she thought we are all here to eat her dinner, hehe," Columbine chortles in response.

"Come to think of it, where's Balladeer?" Pierro asks after he counts the people in the chamber.

Your head perks up and you pull out a wooden doll.

The wooden doll looks oddly familiar, way too familiar.

It's Scaramouche.

"What?" Everyone rhymes.

The wooden doll moves by itself angrily, jumping up and down, left and right while smokes fuming out of the wood.

You smack it playfully before giving it a playful lick, returning its form back.

"Hah! Great! Finally, someone notices that I'm missing! After a whole day getting smacked by her!"

True, you have been playing Scaramouche, smacking, rolling, and munching him.

"Balladeer, you must have been having the best time of your life huh?" Pantalone muses, while everyone nods in agreement.

"If that is so true, why not turn yourself into one?" He retorts back.

"Me! Me! I nominate myself to be princess's munching toy!" Childe beams in joy.

"No way, what she needs is something clean, clinically approved" The Doctor sneers.

"You? With your bloody hands from those immoral surgeries?" Sandrone raises one of her eyebrows.

"Hey, there's gloves"

"Metaphorically speaking, you are still dirtily bloody in a way," the Damslette retorts.

Signora chuckles at her retort while the archon only shakes her head.

"Ah."

Everyone looks at the Captain.

In response, he points toward you,

"Ohoho, looks like our little princess has finished her dinner!" The Rooster exclaims merrily.

"Now now, drink your milk princess! You have to stay hydrated!" Arlecchino brings the bowl closer to you.

"Or maybe a bowl of water" Pierro slides it next to the milk.

"Or... juice?" The archon blinks in confusion.

You start drinking all the offered and burp a bit. An aww soon follows.

Dottore elbows Arlecchino to hand you the side treats, with supplements stuffed inside of them.

"Uh... princess, it's tr-"

"It's treat time, Princess!" Damslette snatches the treats from Arlecchino who is stuttering. She knows how Arlecchino feels bad about having to make you eat it without you knowing it.

"Princess, have a bite," Tsaritsa encourages you while scratching your head.

"Huh? The treat looks weir-"

"Now now, let's have you drink some water, even if you are a puppet, you still have to stay hydrated," Dottore cuts Scaramouche by forcing a bottle of water into him with Childe holding him in place.

Everyone only chuckles at this sight.

You too, laugh with them.

A pill was sneaked into your treats, but who are you to break their caring heart? You munch everything until none were left.

Until none were left.

...

You truly hope that everything stays as it is. The Harbingers taking a break from dragging each other down and only basking in your warmth.

You wish you could forever bring warmth to this cold palace.

This cold, lonely palace that stands alone.

..

.

"Eternity, that is to be blessed on her"

"What used to be a curse is now a blessing bestowed upon her"

"I suppose it is medically possible as well"

"She is, after all, a warrior that will never die"

"Hehehe... she is indeed the fair woman who will forever sing"

"This whole nation will never mourn if she will forever ring her bell"

"Even if we can't give her a human body, a puppet will always work as the second option"

"I suppose I am the most suitable for crafting her a delicate body"

"The fire in her will never die, for I will be her last spark of fire"

"And I suppose we shall spare no cents when it comes to her"

"Thus this is not an option but an obligation"

"For our princess should never rest in eternity~"

Soon, everyone will hear the bell on your bowtie ringing again.

Note: can you guess everyone's speech correctly? What are your guesses (speech order)? :DD

[genderqueerdykes]

I promise this is just coming from someone who wants to learn, and I apologize if it sounds hateful or rude for what I'm about to ask that is not what I want at all,

but when it comes to systems, DID, plurality, from what I have heard, it is something extremely extremely rare, and something that most people under the age of 25 the body isn't even supposed to like "reveal" until older. I'm just confused and I would really like to hear from someone who actually is plural and not just from like Google

is being a system, DID, and plurality even the same? And the only plural people I have met irl have like 25,000+ alters of dsmp characters (I ofc know not everyone who is plural isnt just fictive and it's all different)

just a very confused person who isn't plural and I would really like to learn and be educated !! I would really like to understand more and hate unreasonably for something I don't understand

hello there!

you can be plural without having DID. there's not really much else to it. DID is one form of plurality. it's not the end all be all of plurality. there are even other dissociative disorders like OSDD that get cast by the wayside when people adopt this kind of mentality. there's so much more to plurality than DID. also, there is no set age at which the symptoms at DID become apparent on the outside. i've been having dissociative symptoms since i was a kid. my alters were active and present even as a teenager!

relying on medical statistics alone for DID is a bad idea because most professionals who are capable of diagnosing someone with a mental health condition don't even know what dissociative disorders are or what they entail. my own therapist has known that I have DID the entire time i've known her, but she has told me that currently, she can't help me with it, because she has not received training for it. dissociative disorders are nowhere near as rare as we think they are, one has to consider that a number even as low as 1% - 2% of the global population is an absolutely massive number of people!

saying that DID is "extremely rare" in this case in order to discredit non dissociative plurals is an appeal to authority. it's appealing to the medical industry who refuses to take it seriously in the first place. the amount of professionals i've had who pointed out that i have dissociative disorders vs. the ones who never commented on it at all is pretty staggering. this is due to a lack of proper research due to lack of funding, not because DID is genuinely that rare. the reason there isn't more research into plurality in general is because of a lack of funding. medical studies and organizations require funding. if they don't see money in it, they won't do it.

DID is still a heavily stigmatized condition. things haven't gotten much better since it was renamed from Multiple Personality Disorder. people with dissociative disorders are still treated like shit in medical settings, so to me, it makes no sense at all whatsoever to pit dissociatives against other plurals because no one takes ANY of us seriously, it's not non-dissociative plurals' faults that we're not taken seriously. it's the medical industry. there are no medications to push for DID. DID does not respond to medication. this already makes a lot of doctors not want to interact with it at all, because there's no commissions for medications prescribed.

"And the only plural people I have met irl have like 25,000+ alters of dsmp characters."

i'm pointing this out gently, i don't think you're a bad person, but this is sooooo mean, please don't be that mean and judgmental about other people, plural or not. please consider how those people would feel if they heard you talking about them like that. even if you don't view them as plural, you shouldn't think it's okay to discredit their lived experience. what are you getting out of phrasing it like that? even if that person turns out to not be plural, please do not judge other people based off of things like this. you don't live inside of their head. you don't know what's going on in there.

i'm not entirely sure why people think this way about introjects and fictives, but they're an extremely normal part of the plural experience! one of the most well known DID systems of all time, Truddi Chase and The Troops, had not only fictional alters (Elvira) but also factual ones as well (Mean Joe Green). this is not new, nor is it isolated to non dissociative plurals. introjects and fictives are extremely normal. it doesn't mean someone is faking just because they've introjected someone, or someones.

hope that helps, in general, please understand that the only lived experience that you are the arbiter of is your own and you cannot tell someone else what they're experiencing, no matter what. plurality will look different for every person, system and so on that experiences it! the sooner you accept that the easier your own life will become. it's not hurting you for someone to have headmates that you don't like. that's their business, not yours, and that's actually a very freeing thing!

great addition from the tags:

[qveenpoppy]

things i noticed in my pilot rewatch:

wolf almost immediately grabs a glass of champagne when he walks into the wedding with his first patient. i know the show's hinted at him having drug issues, but maybe he has some alcohol ones too? (unless that idea was abandoned since the pilot was written/filmed.)

"except now we're prescribing drugs instead of taking them." "speak for yourself." yeah he's definitely still dealing with those drug issues. i feel like the show's mostly implied for that to be a past thing (we've only seen him take anything twice, to my memory? not counting 1x09's upcoming flashback sequence) but i wonder if/when that'll become an issue again (maybe another patient loss that hurts wolf harder than roman's did? like a father figure, that'll bring back his feelings of guilt over his dad's death?)

it's tiny but i feel like van's crush is hinted at here, with him offering ericka an extra pair of scrubs (while jacob cockily jokes about his being too big for her) and the way he sneaks a glance at her while she changes (not in a creepy way, it's like a nervous/shy kinda way).

he also smiles at her when she yells at jacob while they're searching for hannah's childhood home, after jacob un-empathetically says the kids would be better off with their dad (guess van likes strong women; girlboss/malewife vibes? lol)

"do i ever have to talk to him again?" (wolf talking about nichols.) lmao, you're gonna be in love with him in about 6 episodes from now. also someone write me some pilot era wolfnichols hate sex.

"name one person you like who's not a patient." "you, i like you!" he's so autism-coded ❤️

wolf still uses cassette tapes in his car (which is also quite old, since it still plays tapes), what a grandpa

carol has a picture with michelle obama in her office (not really an important thing to notice, but i thought it was cool)

there's a line in one of the flashbacks (apologies for not quoting it verbatim) from muriel about "keeping our differences to ourselves", which probably explains why wolf isn't super open about his facial blindness. (and probably applies to all of his other traits that make him "different", like his sexuality, or popularly headcanon'd autism. i mean, i know he's open about his sexuality now as an adult, perhaps as a way of rebelling against his mom, but, as we may see in more flashbacks, he probably kept it to himself for quite a while.)

van is completely frozen when hannah has her seizure, he even backs up a little when she falls out of her chair. probably didn't wanna touch her and experience a phantom seizure.

whoever directed the ep made zach & teddy look like they're the same height when nichols confronts wolf and kicks him off the case. i guess it keeps them, literally and figuratively, on the same level in the dispute. but now we all know that wolf's actually shorter, and it's funny how that's been primarily highlighted when they're fooling around with each other. (i know it's an intentional directing tactic, though, bc a similar thing was done in the batman v superman movie when bruce and clark stand eye to eye - henry cavill is also 3 inches shorter than ben affleck. emphasizing the height difference would imply a power imbalance, which you don't want in these sort of gray zone conflicts!)

"the only way this will work is if we open up to each other." [nichols walks by and catches wolf's eye] foreshadowing

(i don't mean just like foreshadowing their romance, but maybe also the impact that nichols will have on wolf, getting him to open up about his past and whatnot. same, perhaps, for nichols, since we still hardly know anything about his background, besides his military experience and implied own closeting.)

(could also quite easily and literally refer to their work relationship, as we learned from that interview with teddy that, despite their romantic connection, they're still going to have some disputes about patient treatments in future episodes/cases.)

[coquelicoq]

i've only been awake for three hours but i could almost certainly go back to sleep right now. you can see why i don't take my sleep meds very often.

the latest in my sleep schedule saga is i took my sleep meds last night and slept eleven hours and forty-five minutes. lol.

[catscidr]

I think we have all seen the "Argenti thinks the Reader is Idrila" stuff on here. But what if the reader actually is Idrila? So I wanted to request Argenti/Idrila!Reader (gn or afab reader) headcanons or a oneshot where Idrila, who has taken on a mortal identity after [Insert tragic event here], and meets Argenti. They develop feelings for each other, Argenti finds out she is Idrila, they end up dating. (Maybe or maybe not in that specific order) I thought maybe after protecting her followers from Nanook she disappeared to ensure Nanook doesn't target them anymore? That part isn't as important so feel free to add whatever backstory you think fits^^ Thank you in advance, I really like your writing!

NONNIE omg im booting up star rail rn to stare at him lovingly. also i changed the scenario a smidge so reader is her own person while also being idrila? if that makes sense......?? yeah. also bc otherwise id be writing ten thousand words n i didnt want ur ask to grow dusty in my inbox d(;∀;d) but tysm for the prompt i couldn’t stop thinking about it ueue. also hey gang peep me trying to make my blog look more coherent n nicer looking. am i doin it ⸝⸝⸝⸝⸝⸝ cw: a smidge of amnesia and soulmate trope (it’s not that bad, trust), fluff, love at first sight (does that even count in this scenario....), argenti and reader are dancing around the topic a lot bc argenti is a gentleman and doesn’t want to pressure her to talk. blurbs to set up the plot + a fic after them hehe. not proofread, writer’s block is killing me  includes: fem reader (he refers to reader as "my lady"), argenti, natasha, luocha is kinda there wc: 2,3k

-ˋˏ You’d go to Natasha’s clinic at least once every other day because you always had the worst migraines. To the point where you almost got beat up by a Flamespawn one time when you were clearing out calyxes (thankfully there was a Silvermane guard patrolling the area, otherwise you would’ve been charred). The doctor always says the same thing; “Stop looking for fights so often”, “Let your body rest”, “I can’t prescribe you antibiotics”, and your favorite, “Stop slamming my door open I can’t do anything about your headaches”. She was a good friend, but whenever she repeated how she couldn’t be of any help to your predicament, you’d wish you could just take that glass vial hanging from her outfit and chuck it far, far away out of spite. 

-ˋˏ Obviously it wasn’t her fault- she'd done everything she could. Natasha even had you undergo the Underworld’s equivalent of an MRI scan because of how frequently you would visit her, insisting that something was wrong. The symptoms consisted of forgetting important things too often, feeling a foreign buzz in your limbs and brain, having a sudden burst of elemental energy come out of your attacks and a myriad of benign but annoying, irritating signs that something was up with you. 

-ˋˏ It became more of a chore than anything to leave your room. Some days you felt fine, but then when you’d go out again and beat up wave after wave of enemies in Caverns of Corrosion you would keel over, clutching your head while vague images of what could only be described as a fever dream ran through your mind. 

-ˋˏ You decided to leave the Underworld for some time- considering your absence like some sort of “vacation”. You heard of a wandering doctor (and merchant, apparently) by the name of Luocha and, from the people that crossed paths with him, it seemed like he was extraordinary at his job. A trek to the Xianzhou Luofu would be a long one, but after weighing your options you thought you’d give it a try (it was worth it if it meant you’d stop waking up at ungodly hours, holding your head in your hands while hoping, praying that the pain stops.) 

-ˋˏ You (somehow) made your way to the Xianzhou Luofu from Jarilo-VI. As competent as you were however, being stranded on a foreign planet with no map nor local to guide you was... a challenge. In retrospect, maybe you should’ve gotten in contact with that Luocha doctor and had him come to Belobog instead of you going to him since, well, he was a traveling merchant. Going from planet to planet is what he does (you assume). 

✧✧✧ 

If you had read up more on general information about the Luofu you would have been aware of how many enemies were roaming around the docking area. But you didn’t. So, unbeknownst to you, a rogue mara-struck soldier was on your tail, trying to sneak up to you to snag the goods you hid in your bag (which were basically just different types of painkillers and sustenance that bodes well on an upset stomach. He doesn’t know that though.) 

Your head was throbbing; ever since you set foot on the planet, your physical health had slowly dropped down to levels you wouldn’t be enduring if it wasn’t for the promise of a competent doctor once you get to the main city. Painkillers weren’t working, your feet hurt and to make matters worse, you felt the familiar lack of something in your head. It was so bad to the point where you had to have a tangible mark somewhere to remind you that you did, in fact, just take something for your headache and if you took two more painkillers, your body wouldn’t agree with your decision. It was a struggle even remembering what you did five minutes ago, no way were you going to be in top shape, beating up every enemy crossing your way. 

Clouds began covering the bright sun, casting shadows over the desolate, geometric area. You huff, irritated that, from the looks of it, you won’t be able to find a cozy place to set up camp. Though sleeping on a ground made of primarily iron and steel was considerably less nerve-wracking than sleeping on the mushy, cold, dirty ground of Jarilo-VI. So, with a pout aimed at no one in particular, you find some place that you deemed decent enough to set your humble tent. It wasn’t often that adventurers slept outside of safe zones, however with your condition you couldn’t afford to miss out on some rest and possibly get even more lost than you already are. 

You set your heavy backpack down, rolling your shoulders to soothe the ache in your muscles from carrying something so bulky. As you ruffle through your belongings, you open a bottled soda and take a swift gulp, sighing contentedly at the pleasant taste on your tongue. Now that you were sat and could rest your bones (until you started setting up your tent, at least), your ears were able to pick up on some not-so-distant footsteps. 

There’s no time for you to react; the mara-struck soldier that had been following you lunges at you, aiming for your bag. Your eyes widen and you open your mouth to yell, but before any sound can leave your mouth, a long, red and gold spear pierces the ground between you and the rabid man, making you yelp in surprise. You scurry as far back as you can in your current state; however, the soldier doesn’t have time to take advantage of your weakened stature. The owner of the spear lodges himself before your shaking figure and the mara-struck, yanking his spear out of the ground with impressive elegance, and summons an array of thorny vines to catch your assailant. 

It takes little to no effort for the seasoned fighter to take down the mara-struck as he swings his weapon, swiftly knocking the blunt end on the soldier’s plexus, knocking the wind out of him. A strangled scream leaves his throat as he scampers away, leaving your belongings safe with you and the strange red-haired man. He lowers his spear, careful to keep the sharp edge far from you, and turns around to face you properly. His brows raise a smidge for a split second before he composes himself and bows before you, the action short and curt.  

“It would have been a shame to lose a beauty such as yourself,” he says smoothly, straightening his back to look down at you with a warm smile. He stretches his hand out, a polite offer to help you stand up, as he continues speaking. “My name is Argenti, I belong to the Knights of Beauty. What might you be doing so far away from civilization, dear...?” he trails off, waiting for you to introduce yourself. 

You were in a state of shock, your mind still processing what had happened in such a short amount of time, that you failed to notice the lack of pain at the back of your head. As you meekly tell him your name, you hold onto his hand to help yourself up- as soon as his armored glove comes in contact with your hand something flashes in your mind; too quick to allow you to think about it too much, or to recognize what you saw for a millisecond. 

“So far away from civilization... do you know how to get to the city?” you ask as you feel a glimmer of hope spark in you. His words were refreshing, probably the best thing someone has ever said to you in the past month. He nods, reaching into his pocket to fish out a blue handkerchief embroidered with a delicate gold trim. Argenti hands it over to you and you gratefully take it, blotting the sweat and... dust off of your face. 

“I have made my way around the Luofu for long enough to show someone the way,” he says kindly. “Besides, even if I didn’t, I would still offer to accompany you through your trek. It is my duty as a Knight of Beauty, for I must uphold chivalry and distinguished manners, in the name of the Goddess guiding me.” His words resonate within you, making you beam, nodding in understanding. 

Your reaction doesn’t go unnoticed by the knight. As you hand his handkerchief back, he smiles at you and gestures to your bag. “What brings you so far from your homeworld, my lady?” Argenti asks gently, though a glimmer of doubt swirls in his sparkling, verdant eyes. The question makes you pause, a memory flashing in your mind too suddenly for you to know what it meant. Although, from what you could tell, you knew you could trust him with what troubled you somehow. 

“Ah, it’s a long story,” you start sheepishly, “I’ve been having these incredibly painful migraines recently. And sometimes I feel like my memory is fading too quickly for what would be considered normal,” you say, trailing off slightly at the end. “I’m looking for a healer, a doctor by the name of Luocha...?” 

Somehow, the doctor was currently the least of your worries. You’d never felt so refreshed before, at least not that you could remember; simply being in Argenti’s presence seemed to be enough to make your aches disappear like a starskiff smoothly gliding through a cloudless sky. 

“I’ve seen the man only a handful of times,” Argenti mutters aloud, pulling you out of your thoughts. “I can do my best to guide you to him, but if I may... you don’t seem to be injured?” the knight says, his voice trailing off into a questioning tone despite the observation. You shake your head, wondering how you should explain your predicament to the man. 

“Like I said, it’s a long story,” you say again, shrugging sheepishly. You wondered if you should even go into the nitty gritty- he could always just be making small talk to help you get comfortable or something. Sensing your unease, he changes the spotlight to him instead. 

“There’s no need to delve into details if you wish to keep them secret,” he says with a kind smile, bending down to take ahold of your hand- gently pressing a chaste kiss on the back of your hand. Red flushes your ears immediately, words caught in your throat at the sight of his hair cascading over his shoulders, a beautiful contrast from the gold and silver armor glittering in what was left of the sunlight. 

“As for myself, like I mentioned earlier, I am a Knight of Beauty. I’m on a quest to find my dear Goddess Idrila once more, for I need to pay my respects to them after they saved me from a particularly grim fate.” His words echoed in your mind, your brows knitting together as you felt what could only be described as a cold bucket of water being dunked on your head. “I-Idrila?” you parrot, your voice coming out as a choked noise. Argenti perks up, the hand that had been softly holding onto yours now holding it with a firmer grip, his other hand joining it. 

“Yes, Idrila. Have you ever heard of them? Or...” he trails off, looking deep into your eyes expectantly, almost as if he knew something you didn’t. His eyes seemed to suck you in, bringing a comfortable wave of warmth over you, making you yearn for something. 

“I...” you begin, your gaze falling down to look at your feet. As you thought long and hard about what you wanted to say, what you tried to remember, you slowly look over to his spear, lying flat on the ground- long forgotten since the fight earlier. As if a lightbulb went off above your head, you perk up just as he did, and look at him, beaming. The words were caught in your throat; there was so much you wanted to say, to declare, to do in this moment of clarity, but with how fast your mind was running to catch you up on the current events of your life it was a struggle. 

“Argenti,” you murmur, the name rolling off your tongue smoothly, as you realized seeing the traveling merchant was no longer required. Though the road might have been arduous, and you may have almost lost your mind in the process, being with Argenti suddenly made everything make sense. That’s why your migraines mysteriously disappeared as soon as you were in the knight’s presence, that’s why you had gaps in your memory, that’s why you were freakishly powerful... at convenient times.  

Everything clicked into place. 

The both of you share a pregnant pause, eyes locked together as the world seemed to come to a stop around you. If it were possible, you’re sure there would be delicate, silky rose petals floating around your figures, suspended in the air. You glance down at his lips, and for the first time, make a decision with a clear head. 

His lips felt smooth against yours, the faint taste of vanilla mixed with roses transferring to your own lips. The kiss almost felt like it could be the result of a symbiotic relationship; now that you had Argenti, or at least had him by your side once again, you didn’t think you’d be able to continue on without him. 

[kissorkill16]

Who's The Traitor?: A Hello Neighbor Fanfic

By JJ

Summary: When you're so stressed from all of the shit you found out to try and save your friend, sometimes you just got to snap.

Trinity frustratedly pulled out black feathers from her hair.

"God, that was so intense!", said Enzo. "I ran so fast, I think I might be on a treadmill. I can still feel myself running!"

"Shut up, dork! I had to carry your sister on my damn back!", said Delroy.

Maritza rolled her eyes, "Oh please, it wasn't that bad! Just be glad I didn't keep hitting you on your ass like a damn horse."

As they fought, Finch and Nicky exchanged a look, then they shrugged. Meanwhile, Trinity was clutching at her window sill so hard, she could rip it off.

"How the hell did they know where we'd all be?"

Everyone turned to look at her.

"Trinity, what're you talking about?", asked Delroy. "Are you okay?"

Trinity turned to look at Delroy, her face blank now. "How did they know where we'd all be?", she repeated.

Delroy tapped his chin, "No idea.", he said. "Luck, I guess? Or maybe someone gave away our location."

"But how?", asked Finch. "No one else knows about this case except us."

As they thought, Trinity paced back and forth in her room. Then she came up with a disturbing realization...

One of them was a traitor.

"You're right, Finch.", she said, her voice terrifyingly high-pitched. "No one else knows about Crowface except us. That could only mean one thing. One of us is working for the Forest Protectors."

Everyone else was shocked.

Delroy stepped up, "Hold up. What makes you think we're working for him? How do we know you're not working for him?"

"Because I'm the one who started this whole damn investigation, Delroy! Why the hell would I, the leader, the one who suggested we investigate Crowface, betray my own damn team?! Huh?! Answer me that!"

As she ranted, she kept stepping towards Delroy, making the boy shrink back.

No one has ever seen Trinity this angry before. Everyone around the room looked pretty damn terrified, even Maritza.

"Trin, Delroy isn't the traitor.", Finch said, stepping in between her and Delroy. Trinity let out a dry laugh.

"You're right. He isn't.", she said. "But YOU are!"

She continued on with her ranting. "How could I forget about the person who's been a total bitch from the start?! Taking pictures and putting them all around the school to embarrass the victim? Yeah, you're not the traitor at all!"

"I'm not.", the girl scout begged Trinity, "I'm trying to be good. And let's not forget who broke my camera!"

Just then, Maritza stood up. "Trinity, calm the hell down! You need to freaking chillax before you have a fucking stroke!"

"SHUT UP, BITCH! GOD, HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO FIND OUT WHO'S UNDER THAT FUCKING MASK IF THERE'S A TRAITOR IN MY GROUP?!", Trinity yelled. "OUT! OUT! ALL OF YOU, GET OUT!!!"

Everyone quickly walked out of her room. All except Nicky.

Nicky stayed on her bed, then he reached into his backpack and pulled out a small container of white and gray pills.

"Trinity.", he said, putting one in his hand. "I want you to take this."

Trinity turned around and looked at the pill in her friend's hand. "What's that for?", she asked, sounding a little more calmer than before.

"My therapist prescribed them to me. Apparently, they make you fall asleep and turn all of your senses off completely. They've been working for me, so I thought maybe they'd work for you."

Trinity held her hand up. "I don't need those."

"Maybe not, but you do need to calm down.", said Nicky. "You've been pushing yourself too hard to unmask Crowface these past few weeks, you're yelling at your own friends and accusing them of being traitors. Please just take one Trinity. Just one, just to give you a well-deserved rest."

Trinity thought about it for a minute, then she took the pill in her hand.

"I'm going home. I'll see you tomorrow.", said Nicky before leaving the room.

Trinity stared at the pill in her hand, not really sure about it. But looking back at how she acted to her friends, maybe she had gone a tad overboard.

She sat down on her bed, put the pill in her mouth, and swallowed it. She felt all of her muscles relax, and she fell backwards onto her soft bed, falling asleep.

[actuallyadhd]

hi…i recently discovered that there is a very high chance i have ADHD. after doing lots of research, i brought this up to my therapist, who also has ADHD. she had me do a screening, told me she’d noticed the signs awhile back & believes i have it; however, she is not authorized to give an actual diagnosis. later, i talked to my doctor about it to see if it would be worth seeking one & what my options were. she told me that to get a diagnosis i’d have to see a psychiatrist, which would take at least a year because of wait times. but she asked if, for the time being, i’d like to be prescribed a 7-day supply of 15 mg adderall to see if it helped. ive done an okay job managing symptoms throughout my life, but some of them have really taken a toll on me, especially emotional dysregulation, so i thought it was worth a shot.

but im on day 3 of the pills and i don’t feel any different. ive looked all over reddit & see people saying that it kicks in instantly, but i haven’t felt that at all.

is this normal? should i be concerned that’s something’s not working right? could this be a sign that i dont have ADHD? and in that case am i harming myself by taking this medication?

sorry to dump this here. im just extremely new to this & i dont know what i should be expecting.

Sent August 5, 2024

Okay, first of all, a medication trial is not a reliable diagnostic strategy. Different meds work for different people, and it can take time to find the right dose. So don't worry about that.

Not feeling any different isn't a sign that the medication isn't working. It's possible that things are different but you aren't noticing because the changes are subtle. It's also possible that the dose is wrong and you need a higher one or even a lower one. Or you need a different medication. In particular, if your biggest issue is emotional dysregulation, guanfacine (brand name Intuniv) can be very helpful for that.

I think it's worth getting on the wait list for the full assessment, but also talk to your doctor about trying something else in the meantime.

Followers, what are your experiences with medication just after diagnosis? Can you offer any advice here?

-J

[ashintheairlikesnow]

The Heretic's Confession, Chapter One

CW: Captivity whump, some... implications... references to branding. This is just me getting a feel for the idea and character, though, really.

-

The robes he once kept pristine are caked in dried mud around the hem. Grigory frowns as he inspects them, rubbing along the seam. It flakes away, leaving imprints of itself behind. 

Maudlin, certainly, but it feels like the stain of their sins painting his soul.

Maybe suffering can give even a man of the Goddess the sentiment of a poet. His lip curls in disgust at the very thought.

Please, please speak to me, Dromada. Tell your priest what he must do to escape this nightmare.

She is, and has always been, silent to his pleas for Her assistance. 

The Goddess the people worship may be a paragon of compassion and forgiveness, her sculptures solemn and grave with hands outstretched to embrace even the lowest-born of Her children, but Grigori is beginning to suspect the holy men have got it wrong. 

She isn't gracefully wise. She does not reach Her hand out to hold Her children. No, as each day passes without Her so much as whispering a reassurance, he begins to feel She is th goddess of laughter, and he is Her current favorite joke.

A knock at the door to his room - his cell, really, but of course they all like to pride themselves on keeping him in high style in his gilded cage - has him looking up, a little startled. The moon has only made half of its trek across the night sky, through the looping swirls of galaxies far, far beyond the reach of mere mortal men. That milky spin of stars, everyone knows, is where the gods live.

He wonders how many of them are looking down on him, sipping crystalline waters, and mocking his pain.

He would spit on every last temple step, if he could.

If he could just leave the fucking room-

“Brother Grigori,” His guest singsongs, half-dancing into the room. Grigory turns away from him, laying one palm over one of the iron bars that blocks any escape through the window. His fingers close slowly around it. 

“What do you want.” His voice is curt, it cuts short and sharp. “Bastard.”

“Oh, see you got my name all wrong again.” The leader of this little gang is tall - too tall - and all knees and legs, lean muscle making him heavier than he looks. Grigori is tall enough for a man, but he seems like he’s half-grown, compared to the bandit. The man’s hair is a shock of white atop his head, shaved on the sides, while Grigori’s curly brown grows to the bottom of his ears, as is prescribed for the priests. He swaths himself in black kohl around his equally dark eyes and shining black leather worn back to brown from age and ill-use at the knees and elbows. Grigori’s hazel and his dirtied robes look like a joke, placed next to the bandit’s appearance.  “It’s Bohli, remember? Or that’s what my mother calls me, anyway. Or she would, if she were still alive. She probably uses that when she curses my name from the heavens above, granted. I mean, probably, unless she really is suffering in the Dark After, like she deserves-”

“What do you want, Bohli?” Grigory’s head is already starting to hurt. “I don’t have time for this.”

“Nonsense. You have all the time in the world. You have nothing but time.”

“Not for… you. Please leave.”

“Nope. Not going anywhere. This is my house, remember? I just let you stay here.”

“Let me.” The words are sour in Grigori’s mouth. “Right, of course. Let me. Because I asked to be branded and trapped here in this room-”

“Hush. I take you for walkies every day, little god’s dog.” Bohli winks, and Grigori - who took a vow of pacifism, once - imagines stabbing his own knife through his eyeball until it comes out the other side of his head. “If you don’t want a leash, you just have to prove you won’t run off.”

He would, of course. Run. Outside, the woods stretch far and wide. There’s a path he could take to find a village, to find freedom...

Or… more realistically… to get arrested for being in league with Bohli and his bastards, which he isn’t, but everyone knows the goddess would save Her most faithful, and he’s been here too long. He would be branded a heretic. Everyone knows he’s a heretic. His own fellow priests would turn their backs on him. The people would burn him at the stake, for being defiled, degraded, a paragon of nothing but the filth they have covered him in. Little more than a bandit himself. 

Maybe he is one.

Dromada would have saved him if he were truly Hers to save. And instead, here he is, the infamous giver of absolution to the men and women who massacre whole towns in defiance of - in direct insult to - the power and might of His Majesty, the King.

No. he would be burned as an enemy of the King's, and he would have no standing to defend himself. A captive this long isn't a captive at all, in the eyes of the world.

Just a man who no longer wants to be saved.

Tears prick at his eyes, and he struggles not to let Bohli see them and mock him even more. It’s not like he hasn’t already been marked. It was one of the first things they did. Bohli had given the order and watched while they tied him down. Grigori himself had been made to look as they put the iron in the fire, made to watch them heat it to red. Bohli had been whispering in his ear when when they pressed it to his pelvis, and Bohli had cooed over him while he screamed, stroking through his sweaty hair.

“Just leave,” He whispers, the area aching all over again. They branded him over the symbol of Dromada tattooed, a mark of his vow of chastity.

Another one broken.

Maybe that was when She stopped listening.

“Oh, but I can’t, darling Grigori. I’ve come to make a confession.” Bohli laughs, and his laughter could make you bleed even better than his blade. But somehow Grigori can’t seem to die from the loss. “Isn’t that why I keep a priest of Dromada around, anyway? For to save my poor mortal soul?”

Grigori fights the urge to wish aloud someone would poison the asshole’s food. “You would burn if you touched the Hem of her robe.”

“Maybe.” Bohli shrugs, kicking a chair over and dropping down into it, loose-limbed. His eyes spark with delight as he takes in Grigori’s misery. “But you wear Her robes, and yet I never burn when I touch you-”

“Speak your confession,” Grigory snaps, his heart twisting and going briefly silent and still in his chest. He feels blood rush to his face, and Bohli’s peal of bright, brittle laughter tells him the flush isn’t going unnoticed. 

“Say it.” Bohli watches him, and it’s like being watched by one of the terrifying big cats that roam the woods just beyond this hideous prison. Unblinking, a predator’s stare. “Say the words, priest.”

Each time he does, they feel more bitter on his tongue. 

But still.

Grigori draws the ruins of his robe closer around himself, and sits up straight. He swallows and sets his jaw. “Bohlinde hir Maksma en Ygridsen, the goddess Dromada hears and forgives all from those who love Her. You have only to ask. Speak, child, and be forgiven.”

Bohli licks his lips, leaning forwards. Somehow, Grigori can’t make himself look away. The bandit leader’s teeth are sharp - those canines can rend skin from bone. He’s part-elf, they say, somewhere in his bloodline the half-mindless shrieking hordes of the elven race lurk. You can always tell, so it’s said, from the sharpness of their teeth. From how little they care for the lives of men.

Maybe he’s half-elf.

It would explain why he’s so fucking smug.

“Forgive me, Dromada’s Chosen, for I have sinned against Her,” Bohli says, and he doesn’t even try to feign sincerity. Why he even plays this game, when Dromada isn’t a goddess for the elves of their wretched offspring to begin with, is beyond Grigori’s understanding.

Grigori fights the urge to sigh. He makes Dromada’s Sign, wondering if it even calls to Her any longer. If She even feels the spark of a follower’s call, or if he’s cut off from Her entirely. Who hears him when he prays?

Does anyone?

“How have you sinned against Our Mother, She Who Gave the Waters?” 

Bohli licks his lips. His smile is a little too wide, shows too many of those sharp, sharp teeth. He'd be blisteringly handsome, if it weren’t for the sight of fangs where none should be. “I won’t lie, Brother Grigori. I set some stuff on fire yesterday. And I’m going to do it again. Will I be forgiven?”

Grigori imagines the mud climbing higher and higher up his robes, pulling him into the earth, forcing itself down his mouth and pressing over his eyes. He imagines the gods in the sky, looking down from their stars.

The image shatters with the memory of first sitting at the table with the dozen or so of Bohli's favorites, each of them smiling at him, while he sat in his pure white robes and felt himself bared, as if naked, before them.

Until Bohli had given the order for what to do with him.

“Dromada forgives all who seek Her,” Grigori intones, thoughtless. The words memorized before he was even thirteen years old, before he was old enough to take his vows. Before he was taken, and they were all broken, one by one. Bohli loved breaking Grigori's vows. “You have only to ask.”

“Good.” Bohli’s voice drops low. He has to focus to hear it, which is probably the bastard’s entire point. “Because I really, really love asking, and I love the sound of your answers.”

The bandit stands, walking over to him, putting one finger under his chin and forcing Grigori to look up - and up, and up, and up - to see the demon smile.

Grigori is sure, as Bohli watches him with his head tipped to the side and his black eyes as bright as the stars, that he can hear the goddess laughing.

[hidefromjai]

CRYSTALS || s. gojo

☆→ ORIGINALLY WRITTEN ON WATTPAD

♪ - SONG RECOMMENDATION ; DO I WANNA KNOW? - ARCTIC MONKEYS

_ _ _ _ _ SO WE MEET AGAIN?

RECAP ; Suno and Megumi had just started school and are meeting their teachers for the first time. Megumi, not knowing his teacher at all and would be okay to only know her as a teacher was fine with everything. Suno, on the other hand, had recognized his teacher. But he couldn't pin point on who it was.

. . .

Suno stood infront of Gojo, staring at him blankly. He then pushed past Gojo who was still squatting, going in the class to find another teacher and saw a familar woman. He gave a cheesy smile and ran to her, hugging her leg, "Tete Shoko!" he squealed and looked up at her, flashing his teeth at her and she returned the gesture by patting his fluffy, snow white hair. 

   Gojo glared at the two, dumbfounded as to why his own child chose someone else instead of him when he's the father. Gojo closed the door and went to play with some of the other kids in the class and also teach them. But, for some reason, Gojo couldn't stop thinking as to why Suno didn't wanna be near him. That was his child. Perhaps Y/N told Suno not to come near him at school.. but how would Y/N even know that Gojo worked here? People barely knew he was back in town, and they'd only find out today when the parents meet the teachers after school.

He sighed, taking another glance at Suno who was supposed to be learning from Shoko and saw Suno take pills from his backpack, holding it out towards the older woman. Shoko eyes widened slightly, then rested. "Your mother told you to give me this or?" She asked him and inspected the pill bottle, "Oh." she said. It was for him and they were meant for him to take. Shoko leaned it towards Suno, "They're for your," she held up six fingers. "Eyes?" Suno nodded at her while she took the cap off the bottle. "I forgot about prescribing this for you."

Shoko put two pills in her hand, breaking one in half and putting the other half back in the small bottle. Then she took the water from the side pocket of his backpack, "Y'know what to do?" she asked him and he nodded again. "Okay, take it. I'll be right back." He took the pills and put them in his mouth slowly then opened his water, leaning his head back with one eye closed and poured it in his mouth. After swallowing it he put the water back into the side pocket of his backpack, looked up and saw an older copy of him looking down at him.

"Where'd your tete go?" Gojo asked, his voice low. Suno ignored him and instead went where other kids were and went towards a green haired girl with chalk on her face. Gojo stared at Suno as he walked away, his little copy ignoring him for.. what reason? Just to say it was his child, he didn't act anything like him. More like his mother instead. He sighed and fixed his posture considering how he had bent down to whisper to Suno. He turned around and saw Shoko staring at him.

A stare that was burying his heart deep in him.

Shoko crossed her arms over her chest, "What do you want with Suno?" she questioned quietly, stealing a few glances at the kids in the class as they played. "Shoko." Gojo uttered out as they both continued to stare at each other. He then pointed at Suno, "That's my child isn't it? Why doesn't Y/N want him and I communicating with each other?" he asked holding his arm.

Shoko scoffed at Gojo as she walked to the dusty chalk board in the class, "Ask her later today. If she even wants to talk to you, Satoru." Satoru stood dumbfounded while Shoko clapped her hands to get the kids attention to go back to teaching.

Megumi sat at a table by himself, writing his alphabets down on a paper with lines and the alphabets, he just had to trace them. A pastel pink haired boy and a brown haired girl were playing when suddenly the boy noticed him. "Baaaraaa.." He managed to get out, pointing a finger at Megumi in awe. The girl, Nobara, looked over with a frown on her face which quickly disappeared when she saw the boy that her friend was pointing at. "Uji! Let be his fri-" She stopped, she had to. She liked being perfect and didn't want to pronounce the word wrong. Nobara looked around the classroom to see if their was a board, poster, or anything with the word she was trying to say on it.

Nobara found one, squinting her eyes to see it better. She sounded the word out in her tiny brain as Yuji would say, "Friend." she finally said. Yuji gave her a cheeky smile, snatching Nobara then running to Megumi. "Hi." Yuji said quietly to match Megumi's demeanor to make it seem as if they had matching personalities. Nobara gave Yuji a questioning look as to why he started acting different just then when encountering Megumi. Nobara held her hips with her tiny hands, letting Yuji do all the work. "Wanna be our-" Nobara cut Yuji off, knowing he would pronounce the word wrong. "Friend."

"Saki!" Yuji screamed, catching everyone's attention. Megumi stayed quiet, staring at the two while his hands moved around on the small kid's table. The two began quarreling, catching everyone's attention until the teachers pulled them apart. To Megumi, he couldn't decide who won or lost. Yuji's eye was sore-looking and Nobara looked like she had been bit and her hair got pulled. When the class went quiet, Megumi smiled. The silence fascinated him for some reason.

  The school bell rang and all the students were dismissed, their teachers allowing them to wait outside on the benches for their parents. Y/N soon got out her car, locking it behind her. She had rushed from work to their school just to retrieve them, combing her hair out with her fingers as she walked to the doors. Megumi and Suno sat on a bench outside, talking. But it seemed as though they were whispering so no one could hear them.

  Why would they need to be whispering?

   Y/N walked towards them, bending down to their heights. She pulled on their cheeks with a smile, "So, did you two have fun today?" she asked and Megumi nodded but Suno on the other hand didn't. You glanced at Suno with a worried look, "What's wrong, baby?" you asked him and he looked up, down, left, right, then slowly looked behind him. He turned back around and stared at you, pointing his thumb behind him which made you look.

  The sight had took you by surprise, as Satoru looked down at you with a smug look on his face. You patted Suno's head hesitantly, questioning him. "This your teacher, baby?" And he nodded before leaning in to whisper in your ear. "I don't like him, can we go?" He asked as he side eyed Gojo and you nodded. You picked up Megumi who was fiddling with your keys and you took them to the car, Satoru staring at you.

   Just to say it had been five years, and almost six, somehow, you still hadn't moved on from the man. You sighed looking at your two little ones, handing them both their iPads to entertain them while you go and see their teachers. You walked back to where Gojo was, your heels clacking on the concrete ground. You held your purse strap tight, your lips trembling. You were ready to walk past Satoru to go and meet Megumi's teacher because you already knew Shoko was teaching Suno.. just not Satoru.

   And knowing Satoru, he wouldn't let you by, or atleast not that easily. "Why aren't you letting my child speak to me, Y/N." He asked quietly which caught your attention, and it also made you sigh. You looked up at him due to the fact he was taller than you, then you finally answered. "I kept him away from you for a reason, despite him needing a father. Because, I knew if you really cared for him and didn't care how I'd treat you, you'd still try for your child and not me." You told him the complete truth—you let it off your chest and Satoru was somewhat surprised.

  "So, then," Gojo started. "How come you never made an effort on letting the past go and allowing him to see me?" Oh, you were taken aback by Satoru's words. Because not once had you thought about that. Ever. You stood quiet until Shoko grabbed Satoru by his shoulder, "Y/N. Got some important stuff to tell you about both of your kids." You smiled at Shoko, giving her a nod as an answer before she did the same and left. You sighed deeply, turning your back to Satoru. He stared at your back, pondering about things before your voice caught his attention.

   "I don't know what to say or tell you, Gojo. Do whatever is up to your liking." You muttered, walking off to your car to see Suno and Megumi watching Sonic. You got in the driver's seat, putting your keys in hesitantly and went home. "Fucking Satoru." You whispered to yourself, pulling into your garage which opened when it detected it was your car. After parking the car, and getting Suno and Megumi from their carseats who were just a ball of energy as of right now, they ran towards the elevator with their backpack and iPads in their hand, going to the second floor and to their rooms.

  You walked in the living room, flopping down onto the sofa. Ready to shut your eyes and take a quick nap, knocking was heard from your front door. You groaned loudly, your face smushed in the couch pillows, moving your hand around to find your phone. After feeling it, you grabbed it and unlocked it using Face ID and checked your security cameras and saw Gojo at the front door.

  You instantly woke up then.

  Trying hard not to drag yourself to open the door for Satoru, you eventually made it to the door and opened it for him. You hugged yourself, staring at Satoru with a drowsy figure and tired eyes. He opened his mouth to speak but you were quick to cut him off, "Satoru. What?" you cut to the chase as he stared at you as much as you were staring at him. He peeked in on the inside of your house and saw how modern and minimalistic it was—just about anyone could tell that by looking at the outside of your house. It seemed to have cost a lot with how big it was and it was three floors. Not to mention he saw two cars here when he came, quickly assuming you had three vehicles because you drove one to drop Suno and Megumi off.

   You snapped your fingers infront of his face in annoyance, "What?" he asked, then realizing what he had just asked. "Oh—sorry. Uhm, Shoko told me you lived here and I wanted to visit. But," You put your hand infront of his face, cutting him off and quieting him down. He gave you a questioning look and you gave him one back before yours quickly turned into a stern one. "Y/N can we please talk this out." Satoru begged, but it's not like it fueled your ego or anything. Seeing him beg was unusual, but you weren't sure if he was genuine or not.

  You turned your back towards him, making him more disappointed. You then gave a deep sigh, looking ahead of you. "Fine, Satoru." And he smiled, but you couldn't see as your back was faced towards him, "One condition, but that's as of right now. Later, we talk. Right now, watch Gumi and Sun until I'm done with my nap." You finished, walking further into your house to go to your room. Gojo glanced around, "Can-" he stopped and saw you staring at him. "Look around all you want, don't steal anything, though. There should be no need I should have to deal with a man child and literal children." Satoru frowned at your words as you walked in the elevator, going to your room to change, shower, and sleep.

   Just a quick nap.

It had been around four-twenty when Satoru came and when you woke up, looking at your alarm on your bedside table it was almost ten in thirty minutes. You heard giggling from downstairs, quickly rushing to see why and who had your kids laughing. It couldn't have been Gojo because he's a teacher.. and need rest just to teach energetic kids every weekday. When you got downstairs in your white, fur slippers, you saw Gojo playing with Suno and Megumi and their was food cooked on your black and gold stove. Your eyes widened and saw how big of a smile all three of them had... especially Satoru. But you needed to talk with Satoru, desperately.

You walked towards them, reaching out for Megumi who came to your arms willingly. "It's past their bedtime, you gonna put them in their rooms until we uhm, finish talking." Suno pouted as you carried Megumi and held his hand, taking them to their rooms knowing they'd go in one room together and play with legos or so. After doing so, you hesitantly went back to the first floor and saw Satoru man-spreading on your couch with his blindfold over his eyes. He didn't have it on when he first came so he must've brought it with him.

You sat on the couch across from him, staring out the window. Gojo rubbed his thigh, tugging on his blindfold. "Satoru, please. Just get to it." You murmured, despite the fact that you murmured, he still heard you. Gojo cleared his throat, putting his hand on his chest then wrapped his arms around his chest. "I want to make things right with you—uhm, for our child too." He lied, partly lied. Despite it being his child, he mostly wanted to make things right with you and try starting over as a family.

You continued staring out the window, then averted your gaze towards Gojo. "Sure, not with me, though. Just Suno. I'm fine as I am." You lied.. partially. You were fine as you were, but not wanting Gojo to try and make things right with you was a lie. You still missed him after so many years apart and genuinely almost nothing could make you deny it. Gojo eyes widened slightly but then his expression went back to the one as before. He couldn't blame you, but at the same time, Gojo was a busy sorcerer. You were a retired one and had a different job now and had one biological kid and adopted one.

You stood up and walked towards the stairs, your hand gliding on the rail. You turned your head to look at Gojo who was still on the couch manspreading, "You can stay here for the night since it's late. Their's a guest room across Megumi's and his room has a Badtz-Maru rug infront of it. When you get up to shower in the morning, give me your clothes so I can wash them for you." you informed him, heading back up the stairs. Then, he finally spoke, his voice stopped your movements.. his voice saying your name in a quiet manner, "Y/N." Satoru said. You looked back at him once again, your eyes blinking rapidly.. for no reason.

"Goodnight." He ended, as you mumbled it back. You walked to your room, going in it and flopping down onto your bed. It felt so gloomy after your talk with Satoru and you didn't know why. Was the topic sensitive to him or were your words harsh? You couldn't control it, it's not an initial reaction you don't believe because you were a mature woman. But.. maybe it was an initial reaction from all the pent up anger you held towards Satoru because of how long and how easily he left both you and your child.

Despite it being late, you texted Shoko, pleading for her to call you. And as soon as your phone rung, you answered quickly. "Shoko, I—there's so much to say," Shoko sighed over the line, too tired for your ranting, venting, whatever you liked to call it. But she was willing to listen because you were her best friend, the only one she has. After you tried your hardest to explain everything to Shoko, piece by piece, she stopped you. "Y/N." Shoko questioned.

"Are you harsh to Satoru because you can't control your emotions, or you can't control your emotions because you're harsh to Satoru?" She asked as calm as she could and you couldn't find the answer anywhere. Even if you were to search it up on Google or ask Siri, even they couldn't come up with anything. Shoko let out a chuckle, "Goodnight, Y/N. Stop worrying about everything, anything that happens will happen when the time is right. I love you." she said and hung up the phone as you fell back in between your pillows on your king-sized bed.

You didn't know what to do anymore, it was all confusing. But.. maybe you should take in everything Shoko said, despite the fact that it wasn't much. Little things can mean a lot.

Gojo walked in the guest room you told him about, slightly surprised by what it looked like. Not that it was clean, but how fancy it was. Were all your rooms in the house fancy? Even though they were fancy, they were all super minimalistic. How does that even work? Minimalistic but fancy? Gojo's house is modern and a bit minimalistic in some areas of the house, but if he had a fancy house.. it would not be minimalistic at all. He went in the bathroom connected to the guest room, washing his face with a white towel and some skin care product he saw on the shelf above the mirror. He also used a toothbrush that wasn't open because it was still in its package when his eyes averted towards it.

He brushed his teeth then went back in the room, locking the room door. He sighed and went to the bed, dropping down to his knees instantly. Gojo was prepared mentally and physically to pray to God just for you back so he could be a better man and have the family he've always wanted. After praying he got in the bed and under the comforter, staring at the ceiling and tracing it with his long, slender fingers. "Answer my prayers please. Amen." Satoru said, later on knocking himself out to dreamland and whatever is in it.

"I love you, Y/N." Was the first thing Satoru said in the mirror when he woke up this morning. He looked energetic as ever in the mirror, and majestic with his crystal blue eyes. He had woke up around three in the morning just to wash his clothes and went back to sleep with a towel wrapped around his waist. He threw his uniform back over his head, walking out the room quietly. Now, Satoru, even though he said that, he had a tad bit of common sense knowing not to say that to Y/N infront her face. Not yet at-least.

He headed straight for the door, ready to leave before Megumi and Suno ran up to him, hugging his legs, upset that he has to go. You also stopped him, or at-least your voice did, but either way, Satoru knew you could just about stop him with anything. "Suno, baby, come take your pills and eat. Gumi, you too." Satoru turned his head, staring at your figure. Your hair was a mess, but you still looked pretty to him like that. Satoru adored you in any type of way. Then again, your voice snapped him from his trance. You put down the knife beside the cutting board, staring at the coffee maker, you questioned Satoru. "Uhm, do you want.. want something to eat before you head out?"

'We're already acting like a married couple, she must want me back already.' Satoru thought to himself, scratching his snow white hair, shaking his head. He didn't want his presence to be a bother to you any longer, "I'll eat at a café while I'm on my way to work." he informed you, standing firmly with his hands on his hips before leaving. You sighed as Suno stood on a wooden stool, reaching for his pills that you said you were going to give him. You grabbed his pills from the cabinet, turning around after doing so while he waddled towards the fridge for a beverage like orange juice or water. Megumi was stuffing his face with his cut up pancakes and scrambled eggs with bacon and a blueberry muffin on the side. You ruffled Suno's hair as he poured his orange juice carefully then placed it back in the fridge.

"I'm glad your six eyes didn't have you crying last night as usual, baby." You told him and he looked at you confused then shrugged, "Maybe you didn't hear, mama." He said as you handed him one and a half pills. You gave him a questioning look, "What? What are you talking about?" Suno took his pills then drunk his orange juice as fast as possible just to answer you in which he nearly choked trying to do so. His gaze averted up towards you, "I did! I was crying for almost thruty minutes. But then Mr. Toru came and helped me by hitting my head three times and rubbing my forehead." He told you and you let out a small giggle from how he pronounced thirty.

Although, the rest of what he said was nowhere near funny. More so confusing, weird, and maybe interesting. "Okay, well.. you two go get ready for school." You told them as you checked the clock and it said six thirteen. When they ran up stairs to go get ready, you were ready to follow behind them because you had to get ready for work. Right when you walked past your front door, you heard knocking and a grunt. You stared at it for a second, gulping then walking to it slowly. You opened it with your hand gripping the doorknob, and when you opened it, you were surprised.

What else is gonna happen.. I haven't seen this guy for how long? You questioned yourself mentally. He laughed at your reaction, his hands in his pockets.

"So, we meet again, don't we now?"

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

should i post my ds stories also 🙂. / desiredsyd on wattpad

[creatingnikki]

I am someone who exclaims, 'it's quite chilly today, isn't it?' as I take another sip of my iced coffee. I am also someone who would rather press the glass of iced coffee against my eyes (or the warm mug of jasmine tea) to provide some relief instead of just use the eyedrops the doctor prescribed (and which sit in my drawer of unorganized medication).

I am someone who wants to talk about the film I just watched and the book I just read to the person who recommended it to me. But I won't text them because they are my friend's boyfriend and I am so very careful of boundaries when it comes to other people's. I am someone who is learning how to be that way about my boundaries too.

I am someone whose helix piercing doesn't seem to heal no matter how many months or years go by and someone who has not yet decided on a tattoo though she decided she wanted one a decade ago. I am someone who will let you cry and talk even if we are not close because my awkwardness is not important in front of another person's grief, pain, or sadness and I am someone who will make that allowance for others even if they won't make it for me.

I am someone who will buy you sunflowers and also someone who will buy myself sunflowers because my mother taught me to be a giver but also to satisfy my own desires and not wait around for others. I am someone who wonders why she is writing this and also increasingly using third person to talk about herself but will let herself do it because writing is the one aspect of her life where she does not restrict herself.

I am someone who wonders if there is a person, a guy, out there who will love such a person? I am someone who wonders if there is a person, a guy, out there that I will love? What kind of guy will he be, what kind of guy will he have to be? I have been told I have high expectations and I struggled with it as a teenager and in my early 20s and still some times now I struggle. But I accept it now — I am someone who has high expectations. And it is not a judgement. And it is not a warning. It's a fact. And like most other facts, it doesn't have to be changed, only understood and worked with.

I am someone who will "maintain" me and find others who would love to do so too. Now, too, I have some of those in my life. And so, am I not someone who is lucky? Am I not someone who is loved? Am I not someone who is understood? And am I not someone to whom being understood is a prerequisite for being loved? And yet am I not someone who understands that's not the nature of most love? And am I not someone who is accepting of that as I am of many things? So, then, isn't it okay when I am not accepting of a few things? Am I not allowed to be someone who is not agreeable? Of course I am.

Because whoever it is I am, however it is I am, I am human too. Flawed, fickle, faceted.

And if I am someone who understands that about humans, am I not someone who is also forgiving?

I am. I am. I am.

The coffee is over and so is this funk.

[heartfullofleeches]

Hi Mr devil!! Wanted to say I am OBSESSED with your work, I've been here since the supernatural harem started and every post you make, whether with new characters or old ones, makes me go FERAL.

I wanted to know if I could request either the Cafe characters (I.e Clyde, Junie, saber) or the Milk farm characters with a reader who's obviously not well but completely refuses help? I'm so interested as to who would be the most stressed and who would just force them to take a BREAK

Could I be 🫧 anon by any chance? If it's not taken/availabe-

(Junie isn't apart of the cafe crew, but whether you meant a different person or not I'll add them for ya ♡. Haven't talked about these dorks in a bit. Unfortunately, that anon is taken though)

Clyde

Please. Don't overwork yourself. It's bad for your health and his. He knows first hand what that's like and once it almost killed him. Will bring out the tears if he must to get you to stay home. Will hangle his bosses for the rest of the week off to take care of you.

Honey

Haha... no- Tries to pull the sweet card and gently push you into staying home, but will duct tape you to the bed if they have to. This is a joke as they'll use their body instead, sickness be damned.

Shanna

She knows she can't force you, but she was basically a mom figure for her brothers so she knows a few tricks about stubborn folks. If you somehow resist she'll take every order you get and make you take breaks frequently.

Saber

Yeahhhh hell no. Will rent you the entire day no matter the cost and whoever you already had scheduled. Pampers you, and makes you take medication as prescribed on the boxes he has his lackeys retrieve. May use it as an opportunity to use you as a body pillow but hush

Belle

Not gonna work out here. Will throw you over her shoulder and tell the boss to put it on her tab as she carries you back to her truck and home. Makes you a nice soup and tells you to just hush up and rest

Trick

As another person whose dealt with their share of defiant people, Trick has a backbone and will have none of it. Swaddles you with their wings if they have to and makes sure you stay put until you are well. They're an even better cook than Belle so you'll be well covered in that department.

Wisteria

You have no grounds to negotiate. Like others she'll wrap you in her vines and provide expertise care. At least with her, you'll be healed the fastest as ingesting certain flowers of hers can heal mortals. Only downside is she might like taking care of you too much

Prince

What are you talking about- he's always worked here! Steals one of your coworker's uniforms to go uncover as he claims to take all of the heavy duty work off you. If your gets too bad he'll make a scene and drag you home if he must

Doc

As a med student they'll try to diagnose you on the spot, but they also always have cold medicine on hand in case of this exact scenario. They... might've given you the wrong pills as you may feel drowsy after, but at least they can take you home with no fuss.

Scout

"But I-" "No." "Really I-" No." Shuts that down immediately. He lost both grandmothers to illness when they had some good years left and he's not risking anything with you. Loads you into his truck without a word except to turn down your rebuttals

Bonus- Junie

The one who panics the most. Has never taken care of another person, but obviously isn't going to let you hurt yourself. Straps you to their bed as they search your symptoms online trying not to have a heart attack. They'll really trying their best and honestly they don't do terribly. Eventually passed out on you and probably gets it sick themselves

[theflyindutchwoman]

There is an opinion that Chenford appeared under the influence of the audience. If I remember correctly, the showrunner once said that Lucy and Tim would not be a couple, that Chanford's popularity came as a surprise to them.

It seems to me, if not Plan A, then Chanford was plan B. The creators in the first series placed a morally broken man (a drug addict wife was prescribed to the character right away, perhaps a tyrant father too) and an empathic woman (her character was also prescribed one way or another initially) in a confined space (a police car). I don't know…

What do you think about this?

Full discloser : while I started watching the show around the time Day of Death aired, I wasn't particularly paying attention to the behind the scenes and interviews at the time. So this is probably going to influence my answer in one way or another.

You remember correctly though : Chenford was not originally planned. Here's what Alexi Hawley (showrunner) said on the subject - and I think this touches on the second part of your ask : "Tim was always designed to be a character who was much more complicated than he seemed, and Lucy was always designed to be a really strong, empathetic character, but I think [what we’ve seen] is the magic of chemistry that happens that you just can’t know when you’re writing a pilot." (source)

What really started Chenford was Eric and Melissa's chemistry… Backed by the writing and the actors' understanding of their characters. To me, it was clear that Tim and Lucy were always meant to share a special relationship for the points you covered, romance or not - which, by the way, doesn't lessen the beauty of their story in my eyes. They were always going to be the most important person in each other's lives. Bring the best in each other. Their dynamic was developed with so much love and care, with so many beautiful and emotional scenes and this, from the very beginning… Alexi himself wrote some of their key moments : their meeting, the quarantine house, Tim turning down his promotion for Lucy… to name just a few of the very early ones. But the romantic undertones? That was mostly the actors' doing, probably not even intentionally at first. And that combination, that magic, is what caught the eyes of so many, I believe.

The other thing Alexi said at the time (s3), was that Chenford would never happen, since Lucy was Tim's rookie : "Tim would never cross that line. She’s his rookie and he would never even consider crossing that line. So while I’m obviously aware that there’s a big ‘shipping there, and I appreciate any kind of passion about the show, that’s a huge line [to cross]. […] We’d be hypocrites [to write a Lucy/Tim romance] because we made it very clear in those first four or five episodes that female officers unfairly get tagged if they sleep with cops, and it’s why Nolan and Lucy couldn’t be together — and ultimately I think that was the right move. I mean, he was on the rebound from a 20-year marriage and she was 20 years his junior, and so it worked out the way it was supposed to, but if we turned around and threw [Lucy and Tim] together, that would be somewhat hypocritical.”

Now I remember reading many times that Lucy x Nolan was supposed to be endgame, but I never found any official interview : by the time I started the show, that idea was entirely buried so that may be why… But if it was the original plan, I applaud Alexi for adapting so swiftly without insulting the audience for forcing his hand. Some showrunners should take notes.

In any case, this is where this idea that he was opposed to Chenford started - at least, to my knowledge, there were probably other interviews. But in this one, this isn't exactly what he's saying. The context is very important, and unfortunately, was often forgotten in the various articles that derived over the years from his original interview. Lucy was still Tim's rookie and this is the line he is talking about. For reference, even Eric, who was already the captain of the ship, agreed with this (back in the beginning of s2) : "It’s something that Bradford would never organically do, being a superior to her." (source) (in all fairness, it does say later in the same interview that he doesn't rule it out either). And honestly… I agree with them. I enjoy reading fanfics that explore this alternative, but in the show, I'm really glad that they waited. Power dynamics are a real thing, so I appreciate that it was not just swept under the rug. And the writers unwittingly backed themselves in a corner with the reason used to break up Lucy and Nolan. They needed to explore Tim and Lucy's dynamic further first, unravel everything and wait for her to graduate. To get her to a place where she no longer cares what others might think.

But I don't believe Alexi was completely against Chenford at all : again, he wrote so many romantic moments… Case in point : the interview is from s3 and yet, he was behind that 'Save me a dance' scene… So clearly, he already had a vision for them, no matter what he was saying on the record. I personally always take these interviews with a grain of salt because the writers/actors are basically told by the different publicists/PR the main points they should address.

Now the audience probably influenced his decision, yes… The way the network made sure to bait the fans made it clear that, at the very least, they knew where to focus in the marketing department. But I don't think that was the only factor. So many shows have very strong fandom, and yet they never go further than baiting. That's actually the usual MO : bait but don't commit, since so many networks are still afraid of that infamous 'Moonlighting' curse (even though it is getting better nowadays). Abc is no exception.

At the end of the day, regardless of what was said in interviews, the showrunner and the writers still created these wonderful characters and developed this relationship in a loving manner… That's the thing that matters to me. So even if it wasn't his idea, even if he was completely against it, he at least listened to his team, to the actors, letting them improvise and even rewrite some parts. And that's actually how it should be done even if, unfortunately, this is far from the norm. I may not agree with every decisions he has made, but in that regard, I respect him for doing much better than many of his counterparts. However, I realise that this is also easy for me to say this since I'm sure I missed a lot of dramas in-between… That might have changed my perception. I hope this answers your question :)

[menlove]

the thing abt HRT and gender affirming surgery is that like... yes many providers do provide incorrect/insufficient information. a lot of providers DO downplay the risks or don't mention all of them. ignoring this reality and pretending that everyone who starts HRT/gets gender affirming surgery is completely 100% informed doesn't do anyone any good

however

this problem is FAR from exclusive to gender affirming medical care. it is a GENERAL problem in ALL aspects of medical care, especially in the USA (and I'm sure elsewhere but I can only speak on our healthcare system as I haven't lived anywhere else)

like here's a couple examples.

when I was 8 years old, I was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes by a nurse practitioner. she however prescribed me a type of insulin for type 2 diabetes and instructed me to take it once a day and only check my blood twice a day. this is completely incorrect, as type 1 diabetics need to take short acting insulin every time they eat and long acting insulin once or twice a day and check their blood sugars at MINIMUM 4 times a day. I almost died. I had to be hospitalized about a week later with insanely high blood sugars. this was grossly mishandled by that nurse practitioner who had no idea what she was doing & she could've killed a child. does that mean no one should have access to insulin? or that we should start scare mongering diabetics telling them their providers are trying to harm them?

another example! when I was 14, I was having an allergic reaction to a medication and had to go into the ER. they didn't read my chart to see that I had type 1 diabetes, did not check my blood glucose levels, and gave me a steroid shot. that shot spiked my blood sugar (which was already high) so high so fast that I passed out and nearly cracked my head on the floor. it turned what would've been a quick ER trip to an overnight fiasco. does that mean doctors should never ever give steroids as treatment for allergic reactions?

or far more general than me- how many times are people prescribed birth control without the side effects being fully described? how many people get gastric bypass surgery without fully understanding what they're doing to their bodies? how many people have debilitating chronic illnesses but have no clue how they're supposed to handle them bc no doctor ever bothered to educate them (as I see constantly with other diabetics)? how many people have 0 knowledge about their own reproductive systems or have their concerns about their reproductive systems completely ignored until it turns lethal?

the issue isn't gender affirming care. the issue is medical professionals who don't care enough about their patients to make sure they're fully informed and fully consenting, or even that they themselves know exactly what they're doing. it's overworked medical professionals who skip vital steps because they've been working 15 hours in a row. it's the disregard for the health of people assigned female at birth (& the disregard for the health of people assigned male at birth if they decide to pursue gender affirming care). it's the disregard for poor people, for people of color, for patients in general who tend to get viewed with disdain for not having medical degrees and asking questions

like yes it IS something we should be talking about. but focusing the conversation on "we have to ban gender affirming care!!!" instead of "the medical system needs to take better care of its patients" is just stupid

[dr-spencer-reids-queen]

The Angel Maker: Part One

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Female!Reader

Word Count: ~2.2k

Summary: You still feel guilty for what happened to you and Hotch even though you shouldn't. If you had seen that bomb before getting blasted back, then maybe you wouldn't have so many problems with your "abilities".

Warnings: canon violence, canon language, canon talk of death, methods of kill

Author’s Note: I do not own anything from Criminal Minds. All credit goes to their respective owners. If there are any warnings that exceed the normal death/kills from the show, I will list them. If you’ve seen the show, then it’s the same level of angst unless otherwise stated

x

"We all die. The goal isn't to live forever, the goal is to create something that will." - Chuck Palahniuk

The back of your head still throbs, but it's time to get the stitches removed. Spencer has done an excellent job in taking care of you, but now it's time to get back to work. The doctor has to clear you before you can, but you're hoping she does it when you go in.

"Are you sure you don't want to take an extra week? It could help," Spencer says.

"I've rested enough. I need to get back to work. It's lonely without you."

You two head into the doctor's office once she calls you back, and you hop onto the uncomfortable doctor's chair so she can examine you. She puts on her gloves and grabs her scissors so she can remove the stitches.

"Looks like this is healing nicely," she says as she works.

"How long am I going to have this mild headache?" you wince.

"My guess is a couple more days. I can prescribe you some medicine to help with it."

She quickly finishes and throws the stitches away and her gloves.

"Can I go back to work?"

"Given your job, my main concern would be loud noises, you moving too quickly or running, and bright lights that can strain your eyes. Any of those can either reopen the wound or cause more pain internally."

You need to go back to work, and the only way you might be able to do so is if you reassure her concerns.

"What if I wear sunglasses inside and out? I won't go into places with loud noises, and I'll limit my time in the field. Please, Doc, I need to go back to work, and I have Spencer here to help take care of me."

"You must stay away from loud noises, and no sudden movements. I'm serious, Y/N," the doctor says and takes out a folder with your discharge papers.

"I'm serious too. I want to get better, but I do need to work. I appreciate this. Thank you."

She signs your release back to work papers, and you and Spencer are leaving before you know it. There are sunglasses in your car, so you immediately put them on and smile at Spencer.

"I'm going to feel like the biggest douchebag, but it's worth it."

When you get to work, everyone is in the briefing room, including Hotch. He must have gotten signed off as well if he's here. You and Spencer walk into the room, and all eyes are on you.

"Are you feeling okay?" Rossi asks.

"Did the doctor approve for you to come back?" Hotch asks, business as usual.

"I am feeling much better, and yes, she did. I have everything here. I just have to make sure to wear sunglasses, no running, no loud noises, and limit my time in the field. At least until my head heals completely, and my headache goes away, but I have medicine to help with that."

"Good. Glad to know you're doing better. Nice hair, by the way," Derek smirks at your boyfriend.

Spencer got a haircut a few days ago, and you think it's sexy.

"Hey, don't hate. I think he's very handsome," you grin and kiss his cheek.

You take your seat, turning to face JJ who patiently waits for you to be done so she can start the briefing. She puts some pictures on the board of a woman who looks like she was beaten to death. Nothing about these photos will ever be normal, but at least you have the stomach for it.

"This is Delilah Grennan. She was bludgeoned and raped during the night at her home in lower Canaan, Ohio. It's a small town forty miles outside of Cincinnati."

"It's almost ritual with the way the body is faced up with the arms across the chest," Spencer says.

"There's more. There are small puncture wounds on her stomach. Also, note the lack of blood."

"They were inflicted post-mortem. Were there any other victims?" Emily asks.

"Kind of. Victimology and signature match a serial killer from the same town ten years ago. There were six victims spanning over ten months. He called himself the Angel Maker."

"Yeah, I remember that case," Hotch nods. "They caught the guy and executed him."

"That's right. He was put to death by lethal injection a year ago yesterday."

"That must mean we're looking for a copycat, someone who is honoring the anniversary of this guy's death."

"It says here they found semen at the crime scene," Spencer reads from the file. "Perhaps locals will get a DNA match when they run it through ViCAP?"

"That's where it gets weird. They ran it already and they got a match, too."

"If they have a name, why did they call us?" you ask, confused.

"The match they got back on the DNA is to Cortland Bryce Ryan, otherwise known as the Angel Maker."

If Cortland is dead, then how was his semen found on the victim? Now you know why they called you in. It doesn't make sense. The lights in the plane are making your eyes hurt which makes your head hurt, so the best thing for you to do is lay down on the small couch. You have to lay on your side so you don't injure your wound further. Sleeping has been hard on you since you had stitches in the back of your head, but now that they're gone, all that's left is a sore spot. The rest of the team doesn't seem to mind you doing this since you're paying attention to what is going on.

Spencer wants to comfort you still, so he is sitting on the ground next to the couch. He reaches up and moves your hair away from your face, and you give him a small smile.

"The Angel Maker's victims were beaten with the assailant's bare hands," Spencer says when the plane reaches cruising altitude. "Delilah Grennan was bludgeoned with a heavy instrument, maybe a hammer."

"Okay, so this unsub is either a weaker guy or someone who perceives him like that. Maybe he brought along the hammer to make certain his victim wouldn't fight back?" Emily speculates.

"Well, obviously somebody planted the semen on the victim," you state.

"In the victim," Derek corrects.

"That's one theory. Think about who shares the exact DNA makeup of another person," Spencer points out.

"Reid, you're not seriously floating around the idea of an evil twin, are you?" Derek scoffs.

"No, I'm not. I'm floating the idea of an eviler twin. Traditionally, the concept is a good twin and an evil twin. In this case, it's evil twin, eviler twin."

You giggle at how silly he sounds, but you're the only one laughing. You open your eyes and stare at Spencer with so much love. JJ looks between you and Spencer, and she unconsciously smiles. She's happy for you two since she can tell how happy you and Spencer are. You reach over and grab Spencer's hand before bringing it to your mouth. You kiss the back of it, and Spencer blushes at the attention he's getting.

When you land, you leave with Spencer and Hotch to the newest crime scene while the rest of the team fans out to the other locations. Sheriff Merrill Dobson walks out of the house when you arrive, and you greet him with a smile.

"What can you tell us?" you ask after introductions are made.

"Before Cortland Ryan, this town hadn't seen a homicide in over thirty years. He didn't just kill those six women. He killed a way of life. Now this thing's got people thinking he's come back."

"They don't really think that, do they?" Spencer asks.

"I guess when you've been scared by something--I mean really scared--that fear's in you forever."

You look around the house from the outside to see if you can connect with the unsub's energy, but focusing too hard on your abilities is making your head hurt. Whatever you tap into must be where your wound is because it tingles the longer you try and see what happened to the victim.

You rub your temples with a sigh and turn away from the crime scene. You'll have to work this case without your abilities this time.

"Let's stick to the facts. Were there signs of forced entry?" Hotch asks.

"None that we could find, but whoever killed Delilah Grennan opened up every window in this house before he left."

"That's a signature from the previous murders."

"It's also a detail we never released to the public."

"Did it come out in the trial?" you ask.

"No, ma'am. The prosecution had Ryan nailed nine ways to Sunday. They didn't need it. I'm hard-pressed to know how this copycat knew about those windows."

"The man we're looking for is most likely a fan who exhaustively studied the first killings and used them to form his own murder fantasies. He knows this case as well as us; better if he had actual contact with Ryan while he was incarcerated."

"We sent two of our agents to Hawkesville Prison to look into it," Hotch informs.

"What about the semen?"

"Maybe it was smuggled out of the prison, kept on ice, and brought out on the anniversary of his death," you theorize. "There's an entire cottage industry based on serial killer effects and memorabilia. You can find absolutely anything if you know the right people."

"The question is, is this a one-time commemoration or is it just the beginning?"

"Do you have pictures of the victim before she was taken away?" you ask.

"Yeah. Here."

The sheriff hands over the pictures his CSI agents took of the body and the crime scene near her. Derek and Emily went to the morgue to examine the body more closely, so the pictures will have to do for right now.

The pictures include what Delilah's face looks like, all wide-eyed and fearful. However, her body is what interests you. On her stomach are holes that the unsub had dug into her, but it's the way they are placed that has your interest peaked.

"What is it?" Hotch asks when he sees you frown.

"Look at her stomach. There are puncture wounds, if I had to guess, were done with a Phillips head screwdriver. That's consistent with the previous murders, but something is different here."

"The groupings in the prior victims were always different in number and arrangement," the sheriff says. "The only thing different with this victim is I found traces of paper in the wounds."

"Paper? Like tissue?"

"Like notebook paper."

"This is weird," you mutter after studying the pictures further.

"What is it?" Spencer asks.

"I took a couple of courses in Astronomy in college. We studied the night sky as part of our final. We learned about the stars and constellations, and as someone with a photographic memory, I recognize the structure of these puncture wounds. This looks like the Piscis Austrinus constellation. It might not mean anything, but that's what it looks like to me."

Since you can't use your abilities here, there is nothing left for you to gather. Your time will be better spent at the station as you comb over all the evidence. As soon as you get back to the station, a letter has turned up to the police. 

It's not just any letter, it's a letter from the unsub.

"I give you a legacy, a breath of life from the Angel Maker himself. Those who prayed to forget me will one day see my face and shrink in fear," Spencer reads.

"That's the last thing people need right now," Sheriff Dobson sighs.

"Reid, how's it compared with the original correspondence?" Derek asks.

Spencer picks up letters written by the Angel Maker himself and compares them to the one that was just sent in.

"They share some compelling characteristics. I'd obviously like to look at it under magnification with better light."

"What's your best guess?"

"I'd say it's authentic."

"How can this letter be authentic if the guy's been dead for a year?"

"It could be an elaborate forgery or it could be a genuine article that was written before his death."

"Mail here isn't that slow," the sheriff scoffs.

"We're going over the prison visitor logs to check who had multiple visits with Ryan to try and narrow our suspect pool," Derek says.

Just then, a woman walks into the station in determination. No one seems to know who she is besides the sheriff.

"Sela? What are you doing here?"

"Is it true? There's a letter?"

"How could you possibly have known that?"

"You didn't really think you could keep that quiet around here, did you?"

"The letter's not from him, not in the way people might be saying. He might have had a friend on the outside."

"What if you're wrong? What it--"

"There's no such thing as ghosts, Sela," the sheriff shuts her down.

If only he knew.

"I'm not talking about a ghost. I am talking about those rumors about the execution. About how there were problems, and how it didn't work right."

"What are you suggesting?" Hotch asks her.

"What if he's still out there?" The sheriff rolls his eyes and shakes his head, but Sela isn't having it. "Don't do that. Do you think I'm the only one? Look outside." You walk to the window and see a crowd forming outside the police station. "They want proof that he's dead."

"There's only one way to do that. We gotta exhume the body," you shrug.

The sheriff wanted to ease the public's fears about this, so he ordered the body to be dug up. If people see that he is truly dead, then they will calm down. They will treat this as a copycat since that's what this is.

x

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[loveerran]

I recently posted about trans couples who have children (and talked about how puberty blockers are safe). I have had 3 personal conversations with parents or relatives of trans kids in the last few months. They’re worried about the impact of life-long medical decisions they are making with doctors and their children - and that is understandable. One Mom said to me “It was easy to be supportive before, but now it’s me and my kid and it feels very different”.

Here are some things I would like to tell the parents of trans kids (purely my opinion and specifically on the trans-feminine side):

Social transitions are relatively free and easy to implement. If my AMAB child were transitioning, I would want them to walk a mile in those heels (or more) and see how she feels about every day life as a woman. The gender non-conforming umbrella is wide. Not everyone will want a full-time/complete binary transition. I have a genderfluid friend who likes spending time in both worlds and identifies as a crossdresser. She is a real and valid person. Detransition is also real and there should always be a way for the child to reverse course if this isn't for them. And in my opinion, the child needs to know that specifically. I might ask my child “If we moved far away to a place where folks didn’t know you, would you want to continue presenting this way or go back?”

I have spent significant amounts of time studying the subject, and believe puberty blockers are very safe. Leuprorelin has been administered to tens of thousands of kids (and even more adults), worldwide, for decades. No long-term cases of sterility/infertility have ever been recorded. Concerns about negative side effects or lack of natal pubertal transition tend to be hypothetical. I believe those potential negative consequences should be explored and puberty blockers should not be restricted until/when negative consequences are identified. We prescribe many medications, readily, with far more significant, and proven, negative side effects. As just one example, many anti-depressants have significant side effects and carry a 'black box' FDA warning. But we understand that some risk is acceptable in treating important underlying conditions with these drugs. Also, if your child stops taking puberty blockers, then no one will be able to tell they were ever on them in a few years.

The effects of ‘cross-sex’ hrt (hormone replacement therapy) are generally reversible, particularly for trans girls. A former trans girl who stops hrt will develop a masculine voice and primary/secondary sex characteristics just like any cis male. Trans men who went through female puberty and then transition are noted for passing and no one ever realizing. The same is far more true of AMAB individuals who identified as trans women and then detransitioned.

Gender confirmation surgery (aka: Sex reassignment surgery) is permanent and final, but that won’t be your decision to make or even participate in except as a counselor and friend, because your child will be a legal adult at that point.

I want to emphasize that detransitioning is real, and the pain of people who have detransitioned is real. Some people start down this path and realize it isn’t for them. I want to support those individuals with a way out that doesn't also close the doors for those for whom transition is the best course of action. Fortunately, most everything up until final surgeries is largely reversible.

Medical intervention for gender dysphoria can be a very good and important thing in a trans kid’s life. Not all the decisions will be yours to make as a parent. Many will be made with your child and the input of competent medical professionals.

And one other thing for parents of trans kids who read this blog: It will almost certainly work out. Your love and support will mean the world to your children.