#she is so jo march coded

[bronzebtch]

rhea wanting companionship so deeply that she cannot help from feeling absolutely embarrassed by it. if anyone knows the depth of this desire, then they shall know her at her most vulnerable. that in the end, though she claims she's strengthened from the neglect of her marriage, all she wanted really was to matter enough to be wanted.

[kiyokostan]

in my head this is how yn's moment of realization of her feelings for iwa feels like for her

THE MANEATER CHAPTER NINE: diet pepsi

masterlist

divider credits to roseraris

"Man, I swear she's the one who asked me."

Iwaizumi believes him. That’s the worst part. Actually, the worst part is this odd pang he gets in his chest. He doesn’t have the right to feel betrayed, and yet, here he is, feeling betrayed and jealous and pushing some random man out the door just because she batted her eyelashes at him.

He’s fucked. Iwaizumi’s totally fucked.

“Don’t care. Club’s closed, go home,” Iwaizumi instructs, tone cold and detached. And before pretty boy can respond, he’s closing the doors in his face and locking them, more than ready for this fucking night to be over with.

She’s in their spot, sitting on a milk crate, cigarette hanging lazily from her lips, in one of her ridiculous outfits. Iwaizumi sighs at the sight of her; her drunkenness is evident in the way her limbs hang from her, sloppily, like they’re hardly connected to her at all. He doesn’t try to convince himself he’s not worried. Iwaizumi’s past that point.

She offers no reaction as he pulls up his milk crate to sit beside her, she just pulls the cigarettes away and breaths out a line of smoke. “Rough night?” Iwaizumi asks.

“Fuck off,” she mumbles, but there’s none of her usual bite to it. “Thanks for getting that guy off me. I changed my mind about thirty seconds in.”

Iwaizumi squirms. “Yeah, I could tell.”

They sit in silence for a moment. Iwaizumi doesn’t move. He’s never quite seen her like this before. Quiet and solemn. Even with a drink thrown in her face she was blubbering and expressive and loud. Now her expression is straight and unwavering, her words a pitch lower than they usually are. He doesn’t know how to deal with her like this.

“I got into an argument with Kiyoko,” she offers suddenly, and Iwaizumi tilts his head to look directly at her. “Was my fault, for sure. But she wants to quit, get her own place. She said she’s tired of this lifestyle.”

Iwaizumi watches her face for any give or any sort of tell. But she doesn’t flinch or twitch and there’s no watering in her eyes and this feels suddenly more severe than any other conversation they’ve had. He shifts and pulls out a cigarette of his own. “And, to you,” Iwaizumi starts, flicking at the end of his lighter, “this lifestyle is sorta synonymous with you, right?”

She turns her head to glare at him. She looks tired, that coating of makeup on her face doing little to conceal the dark bruises under her eyes. “Don’t be a dick about it.”

“I’m not being a dick about it,” he contests gently, exhaling smoke. “I’d be upset too.”

“You would?”

He nods. “Yeah. It fucking sucks when it feels like people are moving on from you.”

Her head drops, and her eyes find the ground. “She’s my best friend. I was mean to her.”

Iwaizumi does something unexpected then. He doesn’t realize he’s doing it until he’s already done it, but he raises his arm and throws it over her shoulder, pulling her and her milk crate closer to him as he does so. His heart hammers in his throat when she lets her head fall against his shoulder. “She’ll forgive you.”

There are goosebumps on the skin of her arm. Iwaizumi can feel them, and he lets himself believe they’re not from the chilled, late summer night. “I wanted to go home with someone so I wouldn’t have to go home to see her. Is that pathetic?”

Iwaizumi swallows a lump in his throat. “You can come back to my place, if you want.”

✧˖*°࿐

She’s standing in Iwaizumi’s bedroom. She cleaned her face off with Oikawa’s micellar water and used his expensive face wash and moisturizer. She pulled off her fake eyelashes and left them on Iwaizumi’s nightstand, next to the glass of water and Advil he left her, and now she’s standing in the middle of his bedroom, wearing a t-shirt he pulled from the bottom of his drawer and a pair of sweatpants she had to roll up not to trip over.

His room is exactly what she would expect. Plain walls and grey sheets. Methodically neat and organized. Black wooden furniture and dumbbells stuffed in the corner. It feels oddly familiar, being in a room that is so him.

There’s a knock on the other side of the door. Polite of him to knock on his own bedroom door. Standing feels awkward, so she sits at the edge of his bed. “Come in,” she says, quieter than she needs to, like she’s afraid of getting caught.

Iwaizumi opens the door, and then hovers there for a moment. He looks like he has something caught in his throat. “Do you need anything else?” he asks.

“Nah. Are you sure you don’t want me to sleep on the couch though?” she asks, knotting her hands together on her lap.

“Take the bed,” he insists. He has an expression on that she can’t read. That might be on purpose. “You look different.”

She raises an eyebrow. “Different?”

“Without all the makeup. Less intimidating, I guess.”

“Sorry,” she says with a slight eyeroll. “I’ll put a full face of makeup back on, so you don’t get uncomfortable by what I actually look like.”

“Not uncomfortable,” Iwaizumi is quick to correct, and then he takes a step back, hand reaching for the light. “Goodnight.”

He leaves her in the darkness, and she settles into his sheets. They smell like him. And she’s not sure if she’s still just too drunk, but she sort of hopes the smell lingers on her skin by morning. It’s the last thought she has before she falls asleep.

✧˖*°࿐

She is awoken before she’s ready. The blinds of his bedroom are ripped open, and the morning sunlight invades her rest. She groans, and grabs the closest corner of blanket she can find to pull it over her face. “Go away,” she grumbles.

Iwaizumi chuckles. “Gotta get up, brat. I got you breakfast.”

She groans. “Don’t want breakfast. Wanna sleep.”

She doesn’t know what time it is and it’s hardly even registered where exactly she is. All she can think about is hiding in possibly the warmest and softest place she’s ever been in her life, and sleeping for eight more hours or so.

And then, the blanket is ripped from her, and once exposed to the cold, outside air, she shoots upright. Iwaizumi grins. She glares. “Breakfast, c’mon. Before my roommates wake up.”

That motivates her. With less reluctance now, she rises, and follows Iwaizumi to his kitchen, quietly complaining the entire time, continuing to do so as she devours as a bagel. Whatever last night was, it was just theirs. No roommates need to know.

When she leaves, she leaves in his clothes, her own ones bundled up into tight balls of fabric and shoved to the bottom of her purse. She wears her platform boots under his sweatpants and at least they allow her a few extra inches of height so she’s not dragging them along the pavement as Iwaizumi walks her home.

By the time he leaves her at her front door, they’ve returned to normal, trading insults back and forth like it’s the only language they know how to speak. But when she closes her own bedroom door behind her and falls onto her bed, she’s still wearing his clothes, and it all feels different.

✧˖*°࿐

Iwaizumi was going to wash his sheets. But he lies down on top of his bed, and notices they smell like her perfume. He looks to his nightstand, and sees her fake eyelashes, lying there with bits of glue stuck to them. And he decides to leave the traces of her there, for now.

extras!

yn rode home from the club with iwaizumi on the back of his skateboard

he went slower than usual because he was afraid of her getting hurt

yn and kiyoko has fought before but they always make up in the end ; yn takes it harder when she fights with kiyoko because she hates the feeling of disappointing her

iwaizumi had her ass up and out of bed at 7:30 in the goddamn morning

she was pissed

taglist: @wyrcan @thechaosoflonging @deluluforcarlos55 @localgaytrainwreck @cherrypieyourface @eclecticeggknightpsychic @httpakkeiji @does-directions @needtoloveoutloud @causenessus @kawaii-angelanne @thatonecroc @v1oletfury @lonesomedrive @nnnyxie @guitarstringed-scars @nbcvs @garfieldissocool @iheartpinky @mollyrolls @yogurtkags @yuminako @michivrse @19calicos @sunnyskiezzzz @bailey-reeds @staileykout @kitskasoboring @loverlunaire @iluvaquaphor @lllaw @alpha-mommy69 @acowboykisser @karasyuu @aquariarose @torkorpse @wave2mia @southernfrogprincesd @mfcherry @adorerinn @soulfullystarry @jaynawayna

[alltoowell-mp-3]

ok so fun fact ab me: i’m a HUGE theatre nerd

so as of like a couple hours ago i will be playing jo march in little women

let it be known champagne problems will be on replay

[fantasies-fairytales-n-fics]

Code Blue Ch. 53 - Galway Girl

Summary: Josie has another run in with the law which leads to another revelation. She reaches out to a Savior with the new info. Luke plays his violin. A beloved sassy Scotswoman stuns Josephine on her hunt for the innocent Scotsman. An Irish memory rattles Jo. She and Gerry have a HUGE discussion on many subjects. More comes to light about Megan's attack. Emotions go awry when Gerry learns the truth.

*Chapter Warnings* language, angst, mentions of drugs and rape

Stories Stories Stories Masterlist

Salem, Massachusetts

March 22, 2022

The revelation of your ex-fiance's non-infidelity had your mind spinning as you carelessly sped down the freeway, stiff as a board with a white knuckled grip on the wheel and trying not to puke. Over and over, just as you had done 3 years ago, you began dissecting all the events of that painful day when you had awoke to the life altering text that you believed to have been from Gerry. A fabricated text to incriminate him, making it look like he had accidentally sent it to you instead of your sister which put her diabolical plan of entrapment all into motion of deeming him unfaithful and it had worked like a fucking charm. Still etched in your mind as if it were only yesterday, was the look of horror on Gerry's face when you found him in bed with Megan. A look that you now saw in a whole new light and you were so lost in that image that you did not notice the cop parked on the berm of the road, pegging you at 82 miles per hour.

The startling sirens brought you back to the present which you didn't even know where that was at the time, for you had just experienced one of those blackout moments where you didn't remember driving from point A to point B and wondered how you even did it without causing a wreck. You didn't have your seatbelt on either which you didn't realize until after you pulled over.

In your side mirror, you nervously watched the grumpy looking policeman approach your car, wishing it had been Luke because this time, you knew you couldn't cry your way out of it with being almost thirty miles per hour over the speed limit. Was he seriously unsnapping his gun holster???

"License and registration." the officer robotically requested as you rolled your window down.

You fumbled through your purse, then the glove box and handed him the items without question or argument, just wanting to get the humiliating moment over with and go.

He looked over the documents and then eyed you as he asked the usual rhetorical question. "Do you know why I pulled you over miss March?"

"Speeding I assume."

His reply was cocky as car after car sped by, taking advantage of the situation. "You assumed correct. 82 in a 55. Also I see you aren't wearing your seatbelt which is a law in every state other than New Hampshire which you are not in and your tail light is busted out as well which is a non-moving violation and a ticketable offense."

"Wait, what? How did that happen?? Can I go look?"

"You will need to remain in your vehicle while I go back and write up this ticket."

As soon as he was back in his cruiser, you immediately texted Jeffrey.

"I think u were right! Someone was in that car. My tail light is busted out and it wasn't when I was putting my bags in the trunk!"

About 30 seconds went by and he then replied. "Thx for the 411 darlin. Been thinkin bout it more since you dropped me off. Stowaway POS. Prob followed us to the junk yard too. He's toying with us. Busted the light as a warning. Ballsy fucker bit off more than he could goddamn chew. I'll find him and when I do, well I think you know how that will turn out. In the meantime, your best off to stay close to Craig. Sorry bout your trouble, Trouble😉 When you got time, bring your sweet self and that sweet ride to the shop and I'll get that taken care of for you asap. Least I could do for pissin you off. Talk more then."

"Thank u!! I'll text u later to let u know when I can come."

"You're very welcome doll. You can cum anytime."

You huffed and shook your head at his remark and before you could reply, he texted right back.

"Oh damn! Old habits die fucking hard. Told you I'd piss on the floor every now and then. Sorry for the comment. My bad."

You smiled and softly chuckled. "I'll let it slide. At least you're trying. Talk later."

"You rock girl. Later."

Stay close to Craig. Great. Now you had to haul all your stuff back to your apartment instead of going to your mom's as planned... for the time being anyways. You couldn't bring more trouble to her. Megan would surely remain in the hospital for quite sometime anyways and your mom would most likely take up residency in her room. Would they even be safe there though? Elizabeth sure wasn't. You then anxiously texted Luke.

"Hey. Can u please put a guard at Megan's door??? Just to be safe."

His reply was instant and shocking. "Already working on that Jo. No worries. I'm heading there in a few to speak with her as well since I was informed she is awake. Everything ok? Still pissed at me?"

You wanted to be but you just didn't have the energy anymore. "Thank u Luke. For everything. I'm fine. I just want my mom and sister to be safe right now. Please keep me updated."

You wanted to tell him so bad about the bar thugs since they were after him to begin with but you couldn't now that he was a cop. You just didn't know if you could trust him after knowing the little bit you knew about his agent days with Lee. Your list of loyal peers was growing thin anymore.

"I see you've deflected on my last question. I'm sorry things have to be this way. I really am Jo. I'm just trying to turn my life around but all I seem to be doing is making everyone hate me even more. Maybe it was a mistake to even come back here. I wanted to try to fix things and all I do is fuck them up even more. Suppose there's no reform for someone like me. Who am I to be some judge and jury? I'm a loner. Always have been. Better off that way...for everyone involved."

Luke was doing it again and at the worst possible time. Removing the armor and showing his softer side and that was why it was hard to stay angry with him. Just like Lee, he had a sordid past and had been through some bad shit. Knowing what Luke Sr. did to both Luke and Landy, defiling his own sons, was beyond comprehension to you so you couldn't even begin to imagine how that felt for the two wayward brothers. As you stared at your phone, not knowing how to reply to the heart on Luke's sleeve, you nearly jumped out of your skin when the officer appeared at your window, ticket in hand.

"I see that you're the late detective Brady's sister. Good man. So tragic. I am sorry for your loss."

Thinking he may decide to let you off with a warning, you smiled and hoped for the best. "Yes, I am. Thank you. Our family misses him so much."

"Your family, yes. I also am aware that that makes you Jason Morgan's sister. Not a good man, but you know that. He almost took you to the grave with him and here you are, speeding round town like he did on the bike as if you're something special."

"Ex...cuuuse me??!!"

"No, I won't excuse you like you probably thought I was going to just because of your family ties to the precinct."

Oh how you wanted to go all Betty White on him like she did in Lake Placid and call him Officer fuckmeat and then continuing on with her other snarky line of if I had a dick, this is where I'd tell you to suck it, but you would certainly be arrested this time if you did.

"Yeah well, I'm also detective Butler's ex- finacee and we're still very close. I'll be sure to tell him about this."

"I can see why it's ex. Lady, I don't care who you are. There won't be any preferential treatment here. Don't break the law. It's really not that hard. Here's your ticket. Have a good day Ma'am."

He handed you your expensive ass ticket with a court date for the following week and walked away as you sat with a gaping mouth.

"Asshole!" you grunted after you rolled up your window, then finally you were on your way, but before you drove off, you quickly texted Lee to tell him you would come to the cemetery but that you would be late. You didn't mention why though. It had nothing to do with the traffic stop and everything to do with the whopper of a secret that Megan confessed. As far as a reply to Luke, he would have to wait.

You called Gerry as you pulled up to the gates of the Kiriakis estate, but once again, he did not answer so you punched in the code for entry that only very few had. Those without the free pass would have to go through the whole rigmarole of identity verification and approval to be buzzed through, for Victor's security was understandably high with being a man of his nefarious stature and corresponding life. He may as well have been considered a celebrity. Of course ALL the other crime families of Salem were like that too.

The property was enormous and endless, consisting mostly of forestry, open country-like land and bayside access surrounding the mansion and one that did not know it well could easily get lost. It took you almost 5 minutes just to drive up the pine tree-lined path to the main house and then another minute to get back to the two story guest house where Gerry resided on the bay which was only a fraction in size of the stately manor. Even though Victor's fancy fortress had as many rooms as a 5 star hotel, Gerry cherished his privacy and wanted nothing to do with all servant bullshit and the tiresome walking involved in getting from room to room...and of course, papa Vic's business dealings. If the reserved detective could live like a hermit in a surfing shack on the beach, he would, for he loved the water and he had actually built one not far from the guest house that you were surprised he hadn't moved into already. It was more of a trailer located where all the good waves were for surfing and if he wasn't doing that, he was working on cars, one of his favorite pastimes. Maybe that's where he had been when he wasn't at the hospital visiting his father?

Once you reached the guest home, there were two cars parked in the front and neither were Gerry's.

You deciphered at least one to most likely be the maid or gardener, for Victor was OCD on the cleanliness and beauty of his grounds. As for the other, no clue. Maybe he had a girlfriend now? That could explain why he wasn't answering your calls.

After parking by the garage, you peaked in the window and saw Gerry's truck inside, so you headed up to the porch and rang the doorbell. There was no answer so you rang it once more and then glanced through the small window panel to see the television on, but no one was there.

"Gerry???!!" you shouted and knocked aggressively. "It's me, Jo!"

Another minute went by and no one came to the door. "Alright. " you sarcastically rationalized out loud as you took out the key you still had. "If you can walk right into my mother's home, I can do the same here."

You crept inside and quietly closed the door, then made your way to the TV, turned it off and called to him once more. "Gerry! Are you here??"

In the silence, you heard the toilet flush from the bathroom around the corner and then the door opened.

"Hallo?" a woman's familiar voice loudly questioned and then in walked Gerry's mother, gasping as she covered her mouth.

"Josephine darlin, in the name of the wee man!" the petite Gaelic woman with salt and pepper hair exclaimed in her strong Scottish accent.

Ironically, her name was Margaret just like your mother's and they both shared a son with Victor. She even had fiery hair like your mother once upon a time which was possibly what attracted Victor to her aside from the identical names and similar accents. The only difference was, she went by Margie and your mother went by Maggie. Margie lived in the Scottish Highlands and rarely visited the states. Gerry had usually went to see her instead, for he didn't like her braving the big Scotland airports alone such as Glasgow and Edinburgh, so you were just as stunned to see her as she was you. She probably came to support her son over Victor's heart attack which now made sense as to why Gerry had fallen off the grid, but it still pissed you off that he couldn't have sent you a simple text instead of ignoring you.

"Margie?? Oh my God is right!"

In the shared excitement, you both bee-lined to each other and embraced. You had surely missed her, for she had always made you feel like a part of her family. She was so kind-hearted and compassionate with a side of Scottish sass and she adored you. Needless to say, she was just as heartbroken as you and Gerry were when you and he had went your separate ways.

"I had no idea you were here Margie. Sorry for just walking in. I rang the bell and knocked but..."

"Oh, I tried to hurry but I was in the cludgie doin my jobby. It's a wee bit bowfin in there, so I would wait awhile if ye need to pee. It might make ye greet." she warned with a grin and a wink, for it literally meant she was taking a very smelly shit, one that would make you cry. She was usually quite frank about everything.

"I haven't been able to reach Gerry lately. When did you get here?"

"About tree days ago. I told my boy I was coming and there was nothin he could do about it so he flew all the long way to Glasgow and swooped me up in the sky on that fancy Kiriakis jet so I wouldn't have to fly alone. Ye know my Gerard, stubborn as an ox just like his Da. Oh goodness it is so guid tae see ye! Are ye well my darlin girl? Ye know I will always think of ye as my daughter no matter whit's happened."

You smiled and held her dishpan hands. "Of course I will always see you as a mother figure and I've certainly had better days."

"Ye do look a wee bit peely wally and ye been greetin. Yer een are red. Dinnae fash yersel. I won't tell."

"Dinner...what?" you giggled. "Sorry, my Gaelic sucks."

"It means don't worry. Nothin to be sorry about. Look who ye learned it from! Although Gerry knows the Celtic tongue, he tends to haver in the lowland Scot's language." she snarked with an eye roll. "But I suppose, like yersel, no one would understand him around here. His accent has weakened too. He tries to emphasize it more when I'm around and he thinks I don't notice the change but I suppose if I saw him more, it wouldn't seem so drastic now would it?"

"No, I suppose not. How is Edward? He didn't come?"

Her infamous Scottish sass surfaced about Gerry's stepfather. "Oh that old numpty craw. The eejit is probably sittin on his arse with his tap aff, wearin his baffies and clyping to the neebs while sippin on his uisge. He didn't want to come and be a proper crabbit around Gerry, but we all know it's because he don't take kindly to Victor and wouldn't be caught dead in his home."

"Have you went to see Victor?"

"HA!" she guffawed and rolled her eyes again. "I don't give a radan's arse about the old bawbag either but let's keep that between you and me. I'm only here to use the rich bastard's free amenities and to be here for Gerry because only the good Lord above knows why he loves that menace to society."

There was another difference between your mother and Margie. Your mom loved Victor. Margie despised him because he could never get over your mother. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.

"Well, I would say your secret's safe with me but it's not like Gerry don't know how you feel. Speaking of, where is he? And.... who's cars are out front? Does he have other guests?"

"If yer hinting around to see if Gerry has some manky hen hiding under his bed, that would be a flat out naw. The only hen in his heart will always be the bonnie lass I'm lookin at, his Galway girl. One of the cars is a rental Gerry got for me so I can come and go as I please. Somebody has got to get the messages around here. Wasn't enough scran for a luch to nibble on. The other is Brady's car, ye know, the son who's name is strangely the same as yer mum's maiden name? or maybe it's Phillip's car? I lose track of all Victor's offspring anymore. All I know is one of his half brothers is here. The skinny malinky long legs and a braw lookin fella there in that picture on the stand. Looks like my Gerard when he was a lad."

You picked it up and chuckled. "Ahh, that would be Phillip, the youngest one. They have the same slanted smile and dimples. Is that where Gerry is? With Phil?"

"Aye, sorry, I don't know where my mind went whit all my haverin. Jetlag has me knackered, sticks with ye longer when yer thairis air a 'bheinn."

You tilted your head at her like a confused puppy. She usually used more of the Scot's English for you but would forget when she was rambling and would blurt out her witty words the way she spoke to Gerry because it was simply what she was accustomed to with being from the highlands. You compared it to playing a game of charades on guessing what she meant.

"Oh sorry darlin. I did it again. It means when yer over the hill. Anyways, Phillip's upstairs sleeping off the lagair. He and Gerry were off their trolley last night after visiting their dunderheid da. Phil got the boke. Poor lad. His heid's mince. He hit a pure whitey come morn. I told him not to have so many swallies but he was determined to keep up with Gerry. My son is out on the docks, up to high doh on fixin the boat while suckin down more of the bevvy and still reefin on those clatty baccy fags, so I've been in here, scrannin ma wee pan in on some mince and tatties, which is whit sent me to the cludgie and I was goin to watch my stories when ye popped in."

She very indiscreetly glanced over your shoulder to see the TV. "Ye mak a better door than a windae. Go on now. Get yer bahookie out there and have yersels a blether. That's whit ye came here for now aye? Whit's fur ye'll no go by ye."

Her smile was devious. You knew she wanted you and Gerry to reconcile but you couldn't even think of things like that when you loved Lee the way you did, but you understood what she last said and you certainly believed it. What's for you will not go by you. There were always signs if you paid attention, which you always did.

With your stomach in knots, you slowly headed out down the lengthy dock where you could see the speed boat up on the lift with Gerry inside of it and you could hear his jeers too, swearing like the Scotsman he truly was.

The day had become dreich as Margie would say and it was getting colder too, even more so out on the water. It felt like a reflection of your emotions. The calm before the storm that was about to become a category 5 hurricane when you found the courage to tell Gerry of Megan's betrayal. Knowing him the way you did, he wouldn't believe it at first and you could already predict his words. Yer bum's oot the windae! Blatantly translated....you're full of shit.

Your phone beeped, causing your already shortened steps of rapidly growing cold feet to cease altogether. It was Lee responding to your text that informed him of your late arrival.

"I have already waited a lifetime for you. I can wait longer because you are worth every aching minute of delay. I will wait forever if I must, just to breathe in your presence."

How? How could any human being possess such power over you? To be able to stop and restart your heart all from one simple text? As you stood there, literally holding Lee's bleeding heart in your hands, you began to feel incredibly guilty for making him wait, especially because you had chosen to go to Gerry first and you knew he wouldn't understand. You didn't even understand.

Forcing down the urge to lean over the rail and hurl, you gripped your queasy stomach and continued on. The closer you got, music became audible. You halted your steps once more, gasping as the song flung you back in time to 5 years ago in Galway when your relationship with Gerry was shiny and new. It was all your eyes could see as you gazed at Gerry working in the boat.

You had been wanting to go back to your roots and he had made that happen for you by taking you to Ireland on the same jet he picked his mom up in. It took a lot of coaxing though to get you on the man-made bird, for that was how your father had died when his plane had went down, something you rarely spoke of. Doped up on anxiety meds and tucked in the safety of Gerry's arms like a baby bird had gotten you through the fear and before you knew it, you and he were in Galway, partying it up.

The song was Galway Girl. Gerry said it reminded him of you and one night at one of the local pubs, the dashing detective showed off one of his many other talents. Playing guitar and singing that particular and very popular song with some guys he used to be in a band with back in his youthful days...and he sang it to you as he strummed the acoustic chordophone and strutted his way through the overcrowded room, embarrassing the hell out of you and then to top that off, he grabbed you up in his arms and kissed you madly. But you loved it and you loved him. It was like no one existed that night but you and him. Everything was so different then. You and Gerry were different, right down to his clean shaven baby face and your red hair with bangs.

You could still feel that kiss, taste it even. Guinness Stout mixed with sweet cologne and salty sweat. You were so happy. He was so happy. You could have had it all, rollin in the deep as the song said. He had your heart inside of his hand and he played it to the beat, or so you had believed no thanks to Megan's malevolence. She ruined everything. If she hadn't, would you now be Mrs. Josephine March Butler? You momentarily glanced down at your ring finger where the glowing golden rock used to be that he proposed to you with. He chose it because it was his birthstone and it reminded him of your amber eyes. He said it proved you and he were born for one another and even with Gerry, you had believed in all the signs so you really took that one to heart, along with both of your mothers names being the same. When everything went to shit, you took that as another sign and even went as far as secretly blaming it on the fact that he was a Scorpio. Low compatibility with your sign, a Sagittarius. Water and fire. It was said to be a very challenging relationship which it eventually became even without Megan's interference. You had just needed some fucking reason to understand how Gerry could ever cheat on you and with your slutty sister of all people or even at all. Would you have ever even met Lee? What would have happened if you had? Because your connection with him was instant and extremely intense, like the striking and igniting of a match. Aries and Sagittarius. Fire meets fire. You literally burned for each other.

As the song ended, the silence brought you back to the present, still staring at Gerry who had now locked his widened blue eyes upon you. Watching him hop out of the boat and casually strut his way to you in a dark baggy tee and a pair of khakis, you resumed your steps and your breathing that you swore had also ceased during your involuntary time travel.

He looked back at the boat and then you. "She's being stubborn. Hope you didn't come for a boat ride."

The ridiculous attempt to downplay his ghosting of you was expected and typical of Gerry, as well as the adorably anxious smile he displayed.

Gerry knew damn well you couldn't swim and would never get in a recreational boat but you couldn't even muster up a snarky retort with the way you were feeling and he noticed it. You noticed something too as he laid the rag on the railing and asked you if you wanted a beer. He was wearing his wedding ring.

"N..no. I'm good." you softly and simply declined.

As he opened the mini fridge under the small kitchen island used for bay parties, he looked back at you with concern.

"You ok?"

"I'm fine Gerry."

He popped the cap off the Heineken and took a swig while staring at you. "You're good, you're fine. Ok. Then why do you look like you've been crying?"

"Why do you look like a bottle of whiskey kicked your arse? Where have you been Gerry? I've been trying to reach you and I know damn well you know that. Why couldn't you answer my texts and calls??"

"Not to evade questioning like you're doing or to be a prick but since when do I owe you any explanations about my life? Last time I checked, we were never married."

"Fair enough...but why are you wearing your ring??"

His lips parted as he glanced down at his hand with a baffled expression, for clearly he had forgotten about it.

"Ohhh...that. Yeahhhh. Phil and I got a bit minced on a few wee drams last night and I woke up wearing it and well...now it's kind of stuck. Fingers got fatter I guess."

"A few shots?" you snickered. "I know how liberal you Scots pour those. According to your mom, ya'll were oot yer tree... errrrr was it off yer trollie?"

Gerry face palmed and grinned, then he sighed as he sat down on the rail. "Both terms would be correct. Look Josie, I'm dealin with a lot. You know that. I got my Mum in there hovering over me as you now know. I got Phil's young, dumb and reckless arse in there to look after and Vic over there in the hospital, still not doing well and now there's you."

You both gazed at each other for a moment, knowing he was reading you like a book and you began to feel sick all over again about what you had to tell him. His eyes already held so much stress and exhaustion and you were about to make it ten times worse.

"Josie...why are you here? What's going on with you sweetness? I can see it in those gorgeous eyes that something's wrong."

He was killing you. Gerry always called you sweetness from day one but it's the first time he had used the term of endearment it in a very long time.

"What ISN'T going on? Like you, I'm being hit at every angle with a new fresh hell every 5 minutes."

"And....you came..to me? Why? Don't you have that pretty doctor to bandage all your wounds?"

Your eyes instantly welled up. "You know what? This was obviously a mistake. I'm sorry for wasting your time."

As you spun around to leave, Gerry leaped off the rail and grabbed your hand, pulling you back. "Wait, wait...I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that. I..I'm just not used to you coming to me for anything or even talking to me much at all for that matter and now here you are, out of nowhere and...."

Gerry paused as he intensely peered down into your glistening eyes. He was still clinging to the littlest bit of hope that someday you would want him back and he couldn't help but wonder if that's why you were there.

His thumb softly caressed the top of your hand as he still held it. "Talk to me baby. Did...did he...hurt you in some way?"

There he went, reading you again like a psychic with that annoying intuition of his. Gerry was certainly meant to be a cop.

"Just stop!" you cried, yanking your hand from his and turning away from him as you softly sobbed. "I am NOT going to talk to you about Lee, so just stop Gerry. Please just stop."

"It's very clear that I'm right but I will respect your wishes."

His then laid a gentle hand upon your shoulder. "But you're crying and you know what that does to me. Did my mum say something to you? I know she tends to overstep...."

You turned, eyes closed as you sighed, then forced them up to his. "No, she was actually more subtle about you and me this time. God, I'm just so fucking frazzled right now."

"I can see that. Ok, take in deep breath, hold it for a second and then just let it go. Here, I'll do it with you, come on. 1, 2..."

"Gerryyyy...that doesn't work." you whined with an eye roll.

"No, don't argue with me. Just do it. One more time, 1...2...3."

On his count of three, you just began blurting things out. "First off, there's how many experienced cops at the Salem P.D. with murder cases and you left that egotistical rookie partner of yours in charge of Elizabeth's case. Does no one realize it's a conflict of interest?? Luke and Lee are at each other's throats over their own issues so HOW is this fair to Lee being a person of interest when Luke's the investigating officer??!! And let's not forget a little girl is missing and it's all my fault! This is one of the reason's I have been trying to reach you because you can be objective and get shit done and speaking of cops, I got pulled over on the way here by Officer over the fucking hill for speeding and he was rude and mean and insulted me all because Jason's my brother, oh and someone busted my fucking tail light out and rusty water keeps coming out of the faucets!!!"

Gerry's response was of simple surprise as he stared at you, lips ajar. "Wow."

"That's it? Wow??"

"Well Josie, there's all kinds of bad shit in this county going on and we only have so many cops who are on pre-existing cases, not to mention the huge drug shit going on so I felt Luke could handle this while I got my shit together since he's highly qualified and all and no, I was not aware of the personal conflicts with him, but now I am and I'll look in to it. I'm sorry I've been distant but I really didn't think I was needed in your life anymore. Bring your car out to the trailer tomorrow if you want and I'll fix it but as far as your plumbing problem, isn't that your mobster landlord's responsibility?"

"Hilarious Gerry. Craig is not a bad guy. His daughter is missing so don't start in on him like you always did Jason who also isn't a bad person like that cop called him and I'm not going to ask Craig to fix my shower when it isn't even broken."

"But you just said..."

"It's not the plumbing. Just never mind. You wouldn't believe me if I told you and that doesn't really matter right now so forget I said anything."

Gerry looked at you with skepticism. "Ok. But what did you mean by isn't?"

"Huh?"

"You said Jason isn't a bad person. Don't you mean wasn't?"

Oh god. You DID say that and you needed to do damage control real fucking fast because this wasn't the first time you had almost let it slip that Jason was alive and Gerry was too damn smart. You hated lying to him but Jason would tell the world his secret when he was ready. In the meantime, you hoped he would find Ethan sooner than later and especially Blaise, but you hadn't a single clue what your undead brother was even doing or where he and Britt were. Did Jason even know what happened to Megan?

"Of....course I meant wasn't Gerry. It was an accident. He's only been gone close to 2 months now. Still don't seem real." you sniffled and wiped the corner of your eye for good measure.

"Alright. I get it. Sorry. Guess I'm still in cop mode and speaking of, so this cop that pulled you over. What's his name?"

"I...I don't know?"

"You got the ticket on you?"

You dug into your purse. "Yeah. Here."

Gerry stood looking it over and then his eyes popped as he chuckled. "82 Josie? Really? Where was the fire? All of this was that important to get here? Anyways, I know this prick."

He crumpled the pink paper up without a care and chucked it into the water. "There. No more ticket."

"Gerry...what are you doing??! I need that!"

"Not anymore you don't. I'll make it go away. One problem solved."

You knew he could too. You just didn't want to ask him to. "I..you...you would do that for me? I mean, with you being all by the book and stuff, no matter who it is?"

"I think you know you're an exception to that rule. I would do anything for you, especially if I can in some way make up for all the pain I caused you."

Your stomach twisted. You couldn't put it off much longer. The truth about Megan.

"Can you make everything else go away too? Lee didn't hurt Liz and he certainly didn't kill her. Please tell me you believe that."

"I've done my research on Lee and no, I don't think he attacked or offed his ex. Honestly JoJo, I think it could be someone else who Elizabeth pissed off which according to Luke's reports, was quite a muckle amount of people, even including you but of course I know that's not the case. I'm leaning more towards someone who wants us to believe Lee did it since he does have quite the motive, but again...I don't feel it was him. Things just don't add up. I think someone was more pissed off at Lee than Elizabeth."

Gerry didn't suspect you but someone certainly tried to make it look that way by planting all that stuff in Lee's car, but you couldn't tell Gerry about that and now your thoughts swirled like a twister, sucking in every person with means and motive to hurt the two of you. Someone who knew Lee's routines.

"Well, there's a large list of those people too. Ethan will always be my first guess. He hates me and that Lee chose me and not him and we all know what he's capable of. Then there's Angel, Lee's neighbor. Another jealousy, woman scorned thing and there's that Carpenter guy. I mean, you witnessed his rage at Lee and there's even..."

You paused, feeling guilty for even thinking it, but your priority was to always protect Lee, no matter who you had to throw under the bus. "There's...your new partner...Luke. Something happened years ago between them Gerry and I don't know what that was but I do know it was really bad and the two of them, as I said, are not getting along. I just think you don't know everything about Luke and I know I don't either, but from what I've seen and from what I DO know, he has a violent streak in him, especially if provoked. Just like his brother Ethan and maybe Luke is using this cop thing to his advantage?? I mean, he was WSB for christ's sake and..."

Gerry shook his head. "Stop. Stop."

But you didn't stop. "No Gerry! Is it really that far fetched?? He's smart as hell. He can easily hide things he don't want people to know. Trust me."

So could Lee for that matter, but you were way past ever thinking it was him and would forever regret that the thought had ever crossed your mind just like the guilty person wanted it to.

"Or maybe he's just doing his damn job. So let me get this straight. You think a former WSB agent is now a dirty cop and my partner at that, just to seek some kind of revenge on his once good friend."

"I..I don't know! It's possible yes?? He knows Lee inside and out."

"I'm smart as hell too and would like to think I am damn good at what I do and the fact that you're standing here implying that I wouldn't see right through a conspiracy like that is rather insulting. I'm telling you Josie, it's not Luke. Until you can give me something concrete as to why Luke would want to hurt Lee, you need to drop it."

"Ok fine. Maybe it's not to hurt Lee? Maybe it was FOR Lee. Luke hated Liz too for what she did to Lee."

"You know, you're definitely right about one thing. Luke is too close to this and needs pulled from the case. With that said, I think you're forgetting a few others with motive to kill Nurse Webber. I mean...let's not forget her ex-husband who she kept his own daughter from, or so called daughter I should say since he believes Blaise to be Ethan's and if that turns out to be true, it's really damn good motive on his part to off her and let's also not forget his line of work, so there's that."

"Nope. Stop it Gerry. Craig did not do it. Leave him alone already. He wouldn't do that to his daughter no matter how much he despised Liz."

"You seem so sure of that and oddly protective of him. What's that all about?"

"None of your business. Now who else? You said a few others."

"Ok, but you aren't going to like it."

"WHO!" you snapped.

The name that came out of his mouth made your skin crawl. "Peter. He's been making some noise lately from within that 6 by 6 of his."

"W...w...what?" you softly stammered in fear.

"I wasn't going to tell you this but out of the blue, he's been demanding to get word to you to come see him and he won't say why, which I think we all know is because he knows about you being with Lee. The warden let me know about it and I've made sure any letters he sends out with your name are never sent."

You shuttered inside. "Just like he sent letters to Britt, wanting her to give them to me."

"She didn't did she? I was under the impression she loathed her sadist brother."

"She does and no. I never saw the letters and I don't want to talk about Pe..." you sighed, unable to even say his name. "Why are you bringing him up?? You're in good with this warden. Get him to put him in solitary confinement where he belongs, like he did to me!!"

"I'm sorry. I said you wouldn't like it. I know what he did to you, kidnapping you and locking you in that morgue drawer. I was there and saved you remember? Or you would have suffocated and believe me, if I could shut him up, I would, but I can only do so much. I'm bringing him up because we all know he has extreme jealous tendencies and access to people on the outside. I think you know where I'm going with this. If he wants to get to you or Lee, he can."

You wanted to tell Gerry so bad what you knew about Lee's past with Luke involving Peter aka Sam Colin and how Lee was using that alias because Luke told him to, but you just couldn't. You trusted Gerry with your life but not Lee's.

"Yeah, I do. He could easily set Lee up to get him away from me which is WHY his communication needs to be revoked!! He's not only the son of an infamous terrorist, but he's one himself and he shouldn't have the privileges he has Gerry! Besides that, do you really think it's his style to frame someone?? He's more of the eraser type.''

"Then why isn't Lee dead already? Peter is his father's son yes, but he wasn't raised by him, only that other whack job son of his was, Charles Rane, who got blown up across the pond years ago."

You felt sick again, because it was Lee who caused that explosion, killing the Rane of terror. If you only knew what happened. The entire story. You would bet money Peter knew. So did Spinelli from intercepting those letters from Peter to Britt. And of course, Jason knew. If only you had listened to his and Lee's entire conversation instead of interrupting them, maybe you would know the truth.

"Does that make Peter any less dangerous?" Gerry continued. "No, but I had been after Cesar for so long and the two couldn't be more different. You should know since Faison was going to kill you the night you got shot, which not to defend Peter, but he meant to hit his father, not you, in an attempt to save you. Cesar eliminates his threats. Peter toys with them. The sadistic fuck likes to watch people suffer. Big difference."

"I swear if you say his name one more time!! And yeah, I know the difference. It's the real reason, which you already know, that my anxiety issues arose and why I'm claustrophobic and scared of the dark and storms! You have no idea what thunder sounds like inside a cold metal box. But in shame, I tell everyone, even Lee, it's because Megan locked me in a crawl space during a storm when we were kids, which was true, but that never damaged me the way that monster did. I...I couldn't fucking breathe. I could still smell the chloroform and I can still see the darkness all around me, stealing my breath like the grim fucking reaper and hear the echoes of my own cries as I called out for you."

"I know...and Peter claimed he was hiding you from his father because you were my girlfriend and Faison would kill you if he found you. Maybe I should go visit the piece of shit because now I'm angry all over again and want to rip his minging heid aff!!"

There was the full blown Scottish accent and you hadn't even told him about Megan yet. "Well maybe someone in prison will get to him first, shank him over and over and over or slip some rat poison in his coffee or something. I bet you could arrange that."

"Haud yer wheesht! What's gotten into you Josie? Just because you're Jason's sister doesn't mean you have to act like him."

"Now YOU haud yer wheesht!"

"I will when you stap yer haverin!"

Your lips pursed and you went to riposte, but Gerry's phone rang. "Saved by the bell. Guess Luke's ears were ringing. I gotta take this. He fills me in from time to time."

As Gerry walked away to talk privately, you went to the sink for a glass of water. Your eyes were on him, trying to listen as you turned the faucet on but he was purposely whispering. Your hand became wet as the glass overflowed and when you looked down, your hand was stained with red water.

"Gerry!!!" you screeched and dropped the glass in the sink, shattering it.

"I'll call you later!" Gerry barked and ran to you. "Fuck Josie, did you cut your hand? Here baby, let me see it!"

"It's not blood Gerry. It's the water!! This is what I told you about! First at Dave's, then at my place and now here. I...I don't know what the fuck is happening. It's like some supernatural sign or an omen or something. Gerry, I feel like something bad is going to happen."

His eye dropped from yours and he became silent as he dried your hand off with a towel.

"Gerry? W..what's wrong? What did Luke tell you??"

He threw the towel down and grabbed another beer. "When were you going to tell me about Megan being kidnapped and attacked?"

"I...I was going to. We were just, you know, talking about all this other stuff and I got distracted. That's all."

"Luke's at the hospital now and asked me if I could find a guard and..."

"You need to! Because I don't think she was expected to be found considering where she was at. Did he speak to her? What did she say? Because she told me and mom she couldn't remember anything just before it happened and during, just that she remembered Dave finding her and...Gerry...she said she feels like it wasn't Ethan but...I don't believe that. She's either scared to rat him out or it's just the trauma."

"Or it's the drugs they found in her system compromising her memory. Her blood panel showed traces of Rohypnol in her system. It's a roofie."

"Oh my god...."

"That's...not all Josie. They uh...they did a rape kit on her and..."

"No...just...no. Tell me she wasn't."

"I...I can't. I'm sorry Josie. Luke said she don't remember it but she was so distraught from the results of both tests that they had to sedate her."

Your eyes burned with tears as your heart began to pound. "M..mom...what about my m...mom?"

"Luke's staying with her for awhile. Still think he's a cold blooded killer?"

"I...I don't know what to think anymore. Gerry...there's more...and it involves you. I need to get this out. It's the entire reason I came here."

"Why do I feel like I'm the one who's not going to like this now? What is it Joey? Oot with it."

You drew in a deep breath like he told you to do earlier, then exhaled long and hard. "Ok. Here it goes. After speaking to Megan today, she decided to do some kind of conscience cleanse and...she...she claims that you and she...never slept together. That she set you up to hurt me."

Gerry turned around with an incredulous sigh, placed his palm on his forehead for a moment, then turned back to you with his mouth hanging open.

"What? Yer bum's oot the windae." he exclaimed, exactly as you predicted he would and still in shock, he questioned again. "What?"

"It's not nonsense Gerry. Trust me, I didn't believe it at first either, but...her demeanor and how she cried her eyes out...it's true Gerry. She admitted to drugging you and even wearing my perfume to get you excited, but the drugs and the alcohol only ended up knocking you out, so she sent me that text from your phone, then took your clothes off and hers and climbed into bed with you, waiting for me to show up the next morning. It was all a fucking set up Gerry because she was jealous of me. I...I'm so sorry." you cried. "I..I...should have known better...I should have believed you when you said something didn't feel right...I..."

And here it came. The blow up you dreaded.

"That clatty cunt!!! Are you fucking kidding me??!! Oh karma sure bit her in the arse now didn't it eh??!! JEE-sus Mary and Joseph what the fuck is wrong with that girl??!! She should be in a fucking mental institution. I cannot even comprehend this right now. She..she ruined everything for us and for what?? Just to make you suffer?? And don't you dare stand here and blame yourself. I wouldn't have believed me either! She's going to fucking pay for this, so help me God."

"Well, as you said, she's already getting her karma."

"Ohhh hell no. She's going to get MY karma. Why am I the only one that's losing my shit here??!! She destroyed us Josie!! My god, did it ever cross your mind that we might still be together and even married?? You would be wearing the rings that go with the one I'm wearing right now!"

"That's ALL that has crossed my mind Gerry!! I'm supposed to be somewhere else right now but I came here. It's why I got fucking pulled over. I kept spacing out with the memories. I literally kept seeing the look on your face when I found you with her and it hurts like hell, all of it and then I get here and you're playing that damn song and my mind went back to those memories too and then I see you with that ring on and...and...and...I...god Gerry...I'm so confused!!"

He finally calmed down and started a conversation that you knew he would but were in no way prepared for. "Why? Why are you confused? My god, I'm innocent sweetness. Does this mean anything to you now? Does it...change...anything? Because nothing has ever changed for me except losing you. I still love you as much as I did then, if not more and..."

"Gerry...please don't."

He came up to you, face to face, pleading his case. "Don't what?? I never fucking cheated on you baby. I never could. That's why it never made any sense and you and me, being apart never made any sense. Do you not feel anything at all for me anymore? Is it really all gone? Because we were crazy as hell for each other and I know I'm not wrong about that. I mean, look what we had. We had a beautiful life. I know we had been through shit after you were shot, with the whole children thing, but we made it through that. We worked hard for what we had. Let's put some more gas in the tank."

"Gerry...I...I'm with Lee now, you know that and I..."

"Are you? Because I'm looking right at you standing here in front of me. Is that where you're supposed to be right now? But you're not, are you? You came to me. You could have waited to tell me all this. What was one more day of letting me feel the agony of losing the best damn thing that's ever happened to me? You couldn't. You couldn't do it. You had to come tell me right away and why? Because it fucking matters to you. I...matter to you, even now, after all this time, even after you moved on with someone else."

"Of..of course it matters to me Gerry! And no, I didn't want you to suffer anymore, not even for one more day..."

He stepped right up against you and placed his large hands on your cheeks, his face merely inches from yours, his warm beer breath showering your lips. "I...matter to you. Say it Josie. Tell me I still matter. Tell me you feel nothing for me anymore. Tell me you don't still love me, not even a little bit."

Tears raced out of your eyes and over his hands as your lips began to quiver. "I...I...Gerry please sto..."

His lips took yours with a fierce passion like he did on the dance floor that night in Galway and you found yourself succumbing to him like you did on the dance floor that night in Galway. The familiarity of his taste, the way his lips moved, the way they felt, the way HE felt all came flooding back to you and you couldn't pull yourself away.

@redeemer46

[paladinpeterparker]

tortured poets department?????? she is sooo insane for that actually. it’s so dead poets society messy desk jo march writing up in her attic sylvia plath sad girl coded?!?? unreal actually

[disabled-dinos]

fate worse than death — character forced in romance by the story

[theweepingdogs]

jo march blossomed into a world where the end all for women is romantic love. a world where romance is prized and valued over friendships, sometimes even familial bonds, leaving those who do not dwell on such subjects to feel isolated. loneliness for jo is not the lack of a romantic partner. it is the cold tones of an empty attic that is haunted by the memory of one filled with the golden light of laughter from best friends and sisters. Not much has changed from past to now with the idea that love is all a woman is fit for.

it's seen as taboo for a strong coded female character to admit to wanting to be loved. years of cultural messaging made many women associate independence or female autonomy with being stoic, being emotionless, the weapon-wielding, frequently assumed heterosexual heroine should be alone or else she is risking exhibiting subordination or dependence. as if her coexistence with a man automatically diminishes her to a secondary character. the emotional burden of romance, in most mainstream media, is often carried by the female character. even in the arc of the male hero, his love interest is written solely to fulfill a function as a stepping stone to self-actualization or a precursor is his "man pain."

jo march is terrified of change. she finds no comfort in the future. jo would prefer to stay young and play in the attic till the children’s last breaths because what was can feel better than what is.  however, change is forever linked to the wheel of time. suddenly, all this change came in rapidly in her life, as it does for all people when nearing the endings of childhood. everything is happening so quickly, and it can not be undone.

jo has a desperate desire- need to be alone, however not to be lonely. she is a woman fueled by passion, a passion that has consumed her entire being into a state of delusion. delusion in the sense that she lives in hopes that her and loved ones will stay youthful to play with her. jo's passion is bound by the inevitable, time. the little world that she had created with her sisters had shattered from the "curse" of aging. therefore, she actively tries to keep that same spark in her writing. her fantasy is better than the burden of reality. jo march is grieving the loss of innocence and childhood. as everyone else is going along with their individual lives, jo has either consciously or subconsciously chosen to never emotionally grow up. 

(all based of the 2019 version)

[merp-blerp]

Kaylor, Arial, and Belle: A Strange Deep Dive... Thing 🌼🐚🥀🌈

So Mr. Christian Siriano had mildly rocked my world by posting the infamous rainbow dress again, plus a new rainbow dress. However, him posting the rainbow dress with yellow/gold dresses, plus the purple top on the most recent rainbow dress, has me and others pondering, so here's my two cents. Come clown with me if you'd like.

This post inspired this.

Naturally, Siriano posted this dress for a mystery person to wear for NYC Pride 2019, that mystery person theorized to be Taylor originally before the master heist potentially ruined that and Billy Porter wore it instead:

Fast forward to 2024, where Siriano posts this infamous dress once again, first on being on 6/3/24, the second time with a new rainbow dress on 6/28/24, once again imploring others to guess who the dress is for:

It's worth noting that there are other rainbow dresses by Siriano (and at least one more time he posted the original rainbow dress pro-2019, but that wasn't significant here), but they don't seem to have as strong of a connection to Taylor outside of being yet more rainbow dresses:

On 6/30, Siriano posted this photo with a male model (Kyle?) wearing (half, technically) of the 6/28 dress. In the same post, he writes "Oh and everyone don't worry it was not for Taylor but we love her!!" It recognizes that every gaylor associates his rainbow dresses with Taylor and the story of "Diva who we made this for can't come to pride anymore", which lines up with the NYC Pride coming out theory. This is not the first or biggest time he's acknowledged the theory, but it is always very affirming for Siriano to be so open on it:

I personally wasn't expecting Taylor to actually wear the 6/28 dress at any point (I mean, I clowned just in case so it could potentially be manifested, but I wasn't getting my hopes up). Still, the allusions of her associations with Siriano's dresses are present in the new dress posts and interesting to think about, especially when Siriano himself plays into them when he really doesn't have to.

So I just wanted to piece together this idea of Taylor + Karlie = Arial + Belle symbolism from my perspective as a fairytale and Disney nerd.

Theorizing time!

Part 1: Belle = Karlie Kloss 🥀

With this makeshift theory, I'd like to start with the most interesting side first, which might not seem as obvious. I think Karlie might represent Belle in Taylor's music and that's at least a part of why the rainbow dress(es) is pictured with yellow/gold dresses, as that's often Belle's main color outside of blue. As to why:

Belle's dress being gold (in the film itself) or yellow (in merchandising) could easily parallel Taylor's lyrics about associating her lover with gold and the sun, like "Gold Rush", "Daylight", etc. It also fits Tay saying Kar was the sunshine emoji in their Vogue Best Friend video.

Belle as a character was allegedly inspired by Katharine Hepburn's portrayal of Jo March in Little Women (1933). Katharine Hepburn was a queer woman and Jo herself has been interpreted as a queer character.

Belle could arguably be a "static character", as in one who doesn't change throughout the story. That doesn't make Belle badly written, it's just the type I personally think she, at least somewhat fits into. Karlie, for as long as she's been reflected in Tay's music, from what I can tell, has not really changed in her role. She's always been Taylor's beloved muse.

While I sadly can't find a source— if you can, please share—I've heard before that Belle's blue village dress was inspired by Dorothy's dress in The Wizard of Oz (1939). This nicely complements the theory that Karlie is Dorothea in Taylor's song by the same name and that Dorothea is a reference to Dorothy Gale, who herself is a queer-coded character and is associated with the queer slang phrase "Friend of Dorothy". Both Belle and Dorothy yearn for a life that's beyond the one they're living because their peers don't seem to understand them. Many of Taylor's songs have this yearning in them, like "Down Bad" and "I Hate It Here". They aren't the ones in their stories learning the lesson; Dorothy helps her friends learn that they had their gifts all along and Belle's presence in Beast's life inspires him to be better. They're also very accepting of those who are different from society's expectations, Belle with the Beast and Dorothy with her various friends.

Lyricist Howard Ashman wrote the songs for both Beauty and the Beast and The Little Mermaid with Alan Menken. He was also gay and unfortunately died of AIDS in 1991, Beauty and the Beast being the last project he worked on (he technically worked on Aladdin in 1988 before it was released in 1992, but a lot of his songs were cut from the film because the story changed over time, so I believe Beauty and the Beast is typically considered his swan song).

Beauty and the Beast did NOT come out the same year Karlie was born, 1992, but almost did, on November 22, 1991. In the "...Ready For It?" MV, 89 and 91 are on the wall in red and yellow, kind of like Arial and Belle, though the 91 is likely just a beard red herring in the song about bearding. This isn't really a point, I just thought I'd mention it.

Belle is a similar enough name to Betty. Belle means beauty (in Spanish) and the old slang term "Betty" refers to an attractive woman and someone who "...has a smile that can light up a room, and a laugh that could change anyone’s mood..." according to Urban Dictionary. Both names in Hebrew mean God's oath/oath of God.

In the Gaylor world, yellow is often seen as representing closeting/escaping closeting, since the closet room in the Lover house is yellow and Taylor wears a yellow dress after ghosting the prince in the "Bejewled" music video (there could be other reasons too). In the 6/3 photo of the rainbow dress, the mannequin the dress is displayed on and the yellow dresses behind it have a yellow sheer wrap around their heads. For the rainbow dress at least, Billy Porter didn't wear a yellow wrap around his head when wearing the dress, as it's not a part of the outfit, so why is it on the mannequin? My best non-gaylor guess is to help pair it with the yellow dresses better, but why is the dress with these yellow dresses at all rather than with the other rainbow dresses Siriano created or something more similar in concept? It might not be for any Taylor-related reason, but who's to say? It seems as if it's a random choice (and I like how in the og rainbow dress post Siriano's profile picture just happened to be of a yellow dress. Fun happenstance).

Yellow daisies are associated with Kaylor due to their presence in the Big Sur trip and Taylor referencing them in "Don't Blame Me". Daisies are also associated with queerness, being a slang term for gay. Wow, Ms. "Now I'm your daisy", that was bold to say now that I think about it.

Roses play a big role in the general story of Beauty and the Beast, including Disney's. Some of the strongest Kaylor songs mention roses, like "Maroon", "The Lakes", somewhat "The Albatross", etc. The rose is often out of place, like in "The Lakes" where it's growing out of snow, as if it was magical that it happened or seen as not something that should happen, yet it did. Carnations are mistaken as roses in "Maroon", to me representing how Kar and Tay's love isn't always like the norm, so not always a rose, the most common love flower, but carnations still mean love (and have a queer history attached to them). It's "A rose by any other name" and "is a scandal" like in "The Albatross".

Certain songs have been theorized to be from Karlie's perspective towards Taylor, like "TTPD", "Renegade", "Cardigan", and even "I Can Fix Him (No Really I Can)". All the songs mentioned depict the narrator as trying to help their lover gain strength, knowledge, or simply better habits. In "Cardigan", Betty is steps ahead of James, knowing his moves before he does them because that's how much she loves and knows him, regardless of his actions. Similar to Belle's brainy personality and Karlie's seemingly matching one. Belle never actively tries to "fix" her beast on her own accord in the Disney film despite popular interpretation. She notices that Beast is making an effort to change his ways and supports him through it, as seen in the film's song "Something There". Belle never stomached his bad behavior, running away when Beast pushes it too far and only coming back when he earns it. She never "sees the good in him" before he actually exhibits good. This is similar to Betty (and the narrators of the other songs I mentioned), who lets James come to her when he's ready, rather than stay with him after he did something wrong and is clearly dealing with some baggage in an unhealthy way. I'd say "I Can Fix Him (No Really I Can)" was the only exception, but the song ending with "Whoa, maybe I can't" acknowledges that the idea of "fixing" anyone is often a lie; the narrator knows this and stops (sarcastically/in a tongue-in-cheek way IMO) sassing that they can. But the narrator describing her lover with lines like "The dopamine races through his brain" and "Softly traces hearts on my face" communicates to me that the lover, Taylor, wants to improve on her own accord. Taylor and Karlie are always working together to get to a better place, like Belle and Beast, not one trying to fix the other.

Part 2: Arial = Taylor Swift 🐚

This one should take less explaining I guess. I have less to say about this one.

Disney's The Little Mermaid was released in 1989, the same year Taylor was born. Arial is 16 years old, the same age Taylor was when her first album was released.

Taylor dressed as Arial for New Year's Eve in 2019 (or 2018 if you want to be technical about it...).

Arial has a forbidden romance with a human. Taylor has written about forbidden romances plenty before. Gee, I wonder why—

Of course, the title of Taylor's song "But Daddy I Love Him" is a reference to a line Arial says in the film.

The purple top on the 6/28 rainbow dress is reminiscent of Arial's sea-shell bra.

Mermaids and Sirens are often conflated as the same creatures. Sirens, whether they were half-bird or half-fish people, were seen as evil creatures pulling sailors to their deaths, their voices and songs too alluring to resist. Reminds me vaguely of "Put narcotics into all of my songs // And that's why you're still singin' along" from "WAOLOM". Mermaids have also been seen as victims of men (sailors), promiscuous figures, lucky charms, child-appropriate creatures, and temptresses to men, like Taylor has been seen at times in the public eye.

Many of Taylor's lyrics allude to her seeing herself as or even portraying herself as a monster, beast, or otherworldly creature. "Anti-Hero", "WAOLOM", "...Ready For It", "Don't Blame Me", etc. Mermaids have been seen in many ways over the years, villainous or virtuous. Hans Christian Andersen's original version of the story was subversive at the time for not making the mermaid evil or sexualized. But she's still a half-fish creature, not a natural human, so she could still be considered a "creature/beast" whether she acts beastly or not. Therefore Taylor sees herself as the Beast to Karlie's Beauty.

Andersen's original story ends with the mermaid attempting to jump off the prince's ship after he didn't fall for her back. She expects to turn into sea foam since mermaids have no souls to become angels. This would fulfill her deal with the sea witch. However, the mermaid is saved by these fairy-like creatures called "Daughters of the Air", as they recruit her as one of them so she can do good deeds for 300 years with them and gain her soul without the aid of a man's love. It somewhat reminds me of Taylor pausing the beardings and abandoning men to hang out with her squad. "I picked the petals, he loves me not // Something different bloomed // Writing in my room..." (from "YOYOK").

And Andersen was fairly certainly queer.

As for this line in "Clara Bow": "Beauty is a beast that roars down on all fours // Demanding more..." I think it's mostly a commentary on how painful the demand for women to be beautiful is. But under this lens, it could be slight self-reflection; I wouldn't be surprised if Taylor has personally felt the pressure of trying to stay as beautiful as possible, both in looks and spirits. Inside her is both physical and spiritual beauty, but beauty can be a beast, demanding to stay against all odds despite natural aging or moments of being human and exhibiting more negative "non-beautiful" emotinal traits.

Not really a point, but here is a fun fact: there are ✨13✨ official Disney Princesses currently, starting with Snow White and currently ending at Raya (I don't know if Asha from Wish counts yet or will count). Belle was the next princess directly after Arial in terms of their film's release dates, similar to Karlie and Taylor's birthdates.

[christmassavestheyear]

Who is your favorite Little Women character?

oh!!!!! okay wow hi anon way to completely!!!! catch me off guard and mess with my head.

okay in the 2019 film adaptation i have to say amy march. i love saoirse ronan (sm!!!!) but florence pugh's performance in that film!!!! is unmatched. also the line "i will not be the person you settle for because you cannot have her" is absolutely sickening. it broke me. also being a younger sibling myself i absolutely feel the agony she went through. constantly trying to meet the standards set by jo... goddamn. i felt that.

in any other film adaptation, though, jo, hands down. she is so relatable to me as a (!!!!) queer-coded character and as a writer from a not-that-well-off family. she has a temper and she's boyish and loud and personality-wise, i relate to her so much. all her flaws are mine.

but in the book, i gotta say marmee. she's just. she's a queen. idc.

who's your favourite little women character, anon?

[kidlit-queen-competition]

Round 1 poll 12: Dorothy Gale from the Wonderful Wizard of Oz vs Jo March from Little Women

Propaganda under the cut:

Dorothy Gale:

Oh Gosh. Where do I start. She's Dorothy.

Jo March

Idk if its really kidlit, but I read it in elementary school so hopefully it counts?

my gay coded writer queen!!

Best March sister, great writer, stands up for herself, dodges predictable ending and doesn’t marry obvious male friend

[deancaspinefest]

Something in the Air

Author: one_more_offbeat_anthem | Artist: Solstheim Posting on Wednesday March 1

Two months ago, Castiel graduated from the University of Illinois-Chicago with a degree in English Literature, and he’s moved on to greener pastures in Boston for graduate school. Well, sort of. His best friend Dean had the idea to take a ten-day trip back to Chicago with their friends Jo, Charlie, and Meg for one final hurrah before they all start their real, grown-up lives. It’s going to be the perfect final week, rife with riding Cas’s beloved “L” train, visiting all their favorite museums, and having a couple of final nights at their go-to karaoke bar. But as Cas is riding the train from Boston to Chicago, Dean, who arrived a day early, informs him that he’s run into his ex, Abby, and may or may not have accidentally told her that he’s in a relationship…with Cas. That lie would already be bad enough if it weren’t for the fact that Dean and Abby’s month-long tryst (that ended with Abby revealing that she already had a boyfriend and dumping Dean) nearly destroyed Dean and Cas’s friendship. Not to mention, Cas may or may not be in love with Dean. 

Keep reading for a sneak preview!

Amtrak’s Lake Shore Limited rolled into Union Station at about nine-thirty the next morning. Cas had slept intermittently, the rocking of the train doing its best to lull him into slumber. The biggest roadblocks had been the other people on the train, followed by Dean’s text messages. The man himself was supposed to meet Cas at the station, despite the fact that Cas knew Chicago just as well as any of them and could take the Elevated himself to Ravenswood, where the AirBnB was. As a big fan of trains, Cas was also a big fan of the Elevated, or the L, as it was called, and he would be lying if he said that Boston didn’t interest him for graduate school in part because Boston had a Metro and it happened to have color-coded trains–the trains themselves were the color of the lines. So Cas found himself, with his backpack and his blue roller-suitcase, standing by one of the station entrances, waiting for Dean. People pushed past him on either side, going about their own days, aware of him for only a fleeting moment. Cas felt like he was returning home, but everything had been moved an inch to the left. He’d managed, in his four years at UI-Chicago, to make the Windy City small. He’d carved out his place, made up his own traditions in memories, spent hours in the library and even more hours riding the L around with a book in his lap. Moving to Boston over the summer in preparation for beginning his master’s degree in twentieth-century literature (the admissions team had been dazzled by his honors thesis on T.S. Eliot’s The Wasteland) had been a good thing, but now, coming back to Chicago, he felt just a bit…off. This is where Dean would laugh and tell him he was being too nostalgic. “You’re being nostalgic, aren’t you?” Dean somehow managed to materialize in front of him, emerging from the crowd, looking the same as he always did.

 [continue reading on Ao3 on Wednesday March 1]

[strtravels]

HEADCANON. Or what was Ed doing during the events of The Power of the Doctor?

Hearing about strange volcanic activities before the Cybermen invasion of UNIT’s HQ, Ed was with Chloe and Josh, exploring both Naples and then the volcano in Bolivia, where they did not only run into Daleks but also Ace and Graham later on. He joined the mission, even if he technically isn’t on active duty any more, because UNIT was still rebuilding, having only been reinstated in March of the same year, and therefore they were still hopefully understaffed.

As they as a team had received a message that HQ was on lockdown “Code Silver” he was, of course, worried about Kate, but too occupied with the Dalek activity, to let his mind wander too much. Only hoping for the best. Only hoping that she and Howie, whose messages stopped after the last one (sent to all), would be alive and well when they got back to London.

Just as Ace and Graham blew up some Daleks, so did Ed, thanks to a device created by Chloe. Especially due to Ed’s traumatic experiences involving Daleks, actually getting to destroy some of them without loss on their side, had somewhat of a therapeutic effect.

Only reluctantly boarding the TARDIS, he was quick out of the door when they were back in London – seeing his wife and his nephew, who had barely made it out of the destroyed HQ. After a short moment of reunion with Kate, they both joined the Doctor and the others back in the TARDIS. With enough pilots available, Ed looked after Howie as he knows about his nephews traumatic experience involving both the Doctor and being in the TARDIS.

He attended Dan’s meeting, more because he was dragged along by his nephew and wanted to keep an eye on Howie as much as Kate, as because he wanted to. However, he is knows some of the former companions personally (such as Jo, who also attended his wedding), so he became part of the ongoing conversation and meeting.

[starrystevie]

tagged by @yournowheregirl and @judasofsuburbia to show 6 characters I relate to!

here i give you the "if they can relate to mirrorball, the archer, and you're on your own kid by ms. taylor swift then they are a reflection of me" list

steve harrington (stranger things): listen if there was one character that i think truly is a perfect reflection of me, it would be steve. i don't want to bore you all with the thesis i could write about him so here are the cliffs notes: protective, people pleaser, romantic at heart, sarcastic, gifted child burnout, specifically this line from mirrorball "shimmering beautiful, and when i break it's in a million pieces"

steve rogers (marvel): ahh yes, and then the other steve that is the other side of the mirror. loyal to a fault where i would start a civil war for those i love, a leader, compassionate, stubborn, wants to dance the night away in a jazz club with my baby on my arm as we sway to the crooners, living in an idealized version of the past, not very good at taking compliments, specifically this line from the archer "i wake in the night, i pace like a ghost, the room is on fire, invisible smoke, and all of my heroes die all alone, help me hold on to you"

lorelai gilmore (gilmore girls): i knew that watching gilmore girls from such a young age would have a lasting effect on me. we both hold grudges from things in the past. both like to go back to those things thinking things will be different only to realize we still want to run away. witty, uses too many media quotes for our own good, lives off junk food and spite, crave the small town life and the smell of snow, specifically this line from you're on your own kid "from sprinkler splashes to fireplace ashes, i gave my blood, sweat, and tears for this. i hosted parties and starved my body like i'd be saved by a perfect kiss" (this whole song is lorelai coded btw choosing just one line was hard)

jo march (little women): oh man, where to start. writing as an escape from a world that feels to small, wanting to explore and see the world and the beauty that hides in it, craving love but not knowing how to give it away freely, on the other hand craving attention and soaking it in, fierce, loyal, would do anything for those she cares about no matter the consequences, specifically this line from you're on your own kid "i didn't choose this town, i dream of getting out, there's just one who could make me stay"

dean winchester (supernatural): hi hello daddy issues! but also never being able to live up to you father's expectations and dealing with the fact that your sibling is the favorite no matter how hard you try, covers everything up with a smile and joke or anger and a clenched fist, hopelessly obsessed with women but confused over sexuality because of a pretty men, loves road trips with the windows down playing classic rock, would fight god bare handed if it meant that the people i love got to live (i'll refrain from going into religious trauma but if y'all want the full essay on how much i love dean winchester, please let me know), specifically this line from the archer "combat, i'm ready for combat, i say i don't want that, but what if i do? cause cruelty wins in the movies, i've got a hundred thrown out speeches i almost said to you" (this song is so dean coded i didn't know how to just choose one line)

oikawa tooru (haikyuu): tries so hard to be perfect only to have someone more naturally gifted best you, serving cunt with a smirk, whiny baby who wants their way, kind of weird but hides it as best as they can, showing their full deck of cards to people who deserve it, specifically this line from mirrorball "i'm still on that trapeze, i'm still trying everything to keep you looking at me"

i'm not sure who all has done this so feel free to use this as me tagging you if you'd like to along with these no pressure tags!: @scoops-stevie @thefreakandthehair @buckleydiaz @vecnuthy @stevethehairington @riality-check

[kevin-keller-artistic-director]

Okay so here's a badly explained explanation of the gay meta rvd ending

so Louisa may Alcott wrote little women and she didn't want to make Jo end up with a man but her editors were like girl you have to so last chapter is a added piece of heteroseuxal propaganda purposes

Anyway in Dawson's creek last two eps are Dawson the author of Dawsons creek own tv show based of his own life that is also bizarre and weird and plot has a lot of little women girls endings happening like Polly's meg ending

Last ep we got the song tell me at the end of ep which was sung by sarosie Ronan aka jo march of the Greta gerwig little women and let's look at this

So here's gerwigs Jo march speech

And here's Alice and Betty in the ep before this

It's the same sentiment

Ok so in rvd series finale we are watching jug and Betty the authors of rvd(joey potter is also author in Dawson's creek) like visit the gang in like a Christmas carol esc dreamscape

so what's happening is we are Jug's novel version of the life of the Riverdale kids but this time it's slaps isn't bad or lazy like jugs first novel about the serpents

Betty and jug both have magazines something I presume is true in some way in the irl universe but jug makes Betty the main character because she's the only who like has her bad memories and she's a author and his platonic soulmate bla bla bla

So I think that irl bughead gay siblings probably said a lot of what is in the this ep but also Archie's poem is full of things that happened irl in rvd that are bad memories so clearly jughead or Betty had to write it

Betty who I've said like thirty times is also a rvd author saids a different version of jugs Riverdale's goodbye speech that is reminiscent of Archie's earlier poem

The polycule is something jug wouldn't directly be involved in a sexual manor(at least with Archie) irl he's got issues with his homosexuality but remember hes sees beronica as a part of himself so adding in beronica gay sex while still making it hetero sensationalized idea of sexuality via the polycule thing is a great solution also here's Jen from Dawson's creek words on their core four

She's calls it incestous so I highly doubt the polycule is like a good thing

Also the reason jarchie isn't really declared is because jarchie is Dawson and pacey and they already got they're gay ending in Dawson's Creek the white boys already got their ending (like in gay coded media history legacy etc)

The show is centered around obviously our authors but also Veronica our latina party girl from new York so the idea that beronica is confirmed but not jarchie because bless their hearts but Archie doesn't make poetry that's groundbreaking and just lacks emotional delveopment and jughead is pathetic but often times correct but primarily out of the necessity of childhood survival stragies and jug is obsessed with his man so naturally arch is portrayed as the bees knees

Sidenote:if you wanted to you could breakdown every detail that's close to what happened irl or is something jug is extrapolating on in his novel for example we know Cheryl is painter and so Jughead gives her a career as painter

Anyway tldr it's Louisa may Alcott core gay

[fantasies-fairytales-n-fics]

Code Blue Ch. 56 - Reap What You Sow

Summary: Josie has Deja Vu. Craig squirms at a sweet sight. The silence speaks volumes to Jo. She and Craig continue to bond. A past trauma is explained. Craig reels. A close encounter and some bacon rattles Jo. She soon takes another stab in the heart. Craig gets down to belated business and gives an ominous order. Jo spontaneously reacts to a dream. Lee sees the red.

*Chapter Warnings* language, angst, alcohol use, anxiety, kidnapping depictions, mob hit

Stories Stories Stories Masterlist:

Salem, Massachusetts

March 23, 2022

You groaned as the sunlight and the sizzling sound and smell of bacon awoke you from your drug induced slumber. As usual, you felt hazy and drunk from the anxiety meds, hence why you never took them and you hadn't a clue how you got in your bed. As you sat up and let your eyes begin to focus, you saw Craig sitting on your couch, sipping on his beloved red wine.

"W...what...time is it??" you mumbled.

"Well hey there sleeping beauty. It's almost noon." he softly spoke with a sweet smile. "Welcome back to earth. How you feeling?"

"Like I went on a drinking binder till all hours of the morning. I'm so thirsty. Wait...have you...been here all night?"

Craig chuckled. "I have. You don't remember getting up in the middle of the night and drinking half a bottle of wine all by yourself as you sat with me and chatted my ears off for over an hour?"

You squinted in thought for a moment. "N..no? I..I did?"

"You did and I told you it wasn't a good idea to drink and you told me to...and I quote...shut my pie hole and use it to drink with you."

Your eyes widened as whispered words slipped through your lips. "Oh my god...it happened again."

"What's that sweetheart?"

"Oh uh...n..nothing. So uh, what exactly did I talk about?" you asked as you began to get out of bed.

Craig swiftly stood in a panic with his hand up in a stop gesture. "No...don't do that! You...you're only wearing some flimsy nightgown. Here, let me get you a robe or a t..towel or...something er other." he rambled with cheeks as red as his wine as he scurried off to the bathroom.

As the sounds of Craig opening and slamming drawers pounded through your apartment, you placed your hand on your chest and looked down, mouth gaping at your attire that bore an eyeful of cleavage and judging by Craig's reaction, he certainly didn't dress you.

He came out empty handed, feeling the heat of his flushed face and sounding as if he had just ran up a flight of stairs. "Yeah so...there's nothing...nothing at all in there Jo, NOT... even... a clean towel."

Holding your sheet over your chest, a curled smirk arose on your lips as you giggled at the big bad mob man who, in that moment, resembled a nervous teenage boy. "I packed most of my stuff remember? and it's still in my car. I think there's a robe behind the door though."

"Oh...right!" he panted and zipped back to the bathroom, leaving you giggling again.

"I take it I put this on last night?" you hollered.

Still panting, he jogged back, held out the robe and looked away. "Yessss. You woke up, said you were hot and went to the bathroom, then came back with...th...that th...thing on...and you refused to cover up saying things like, It's my apartment, I can dress how I want and...stop being a big baby Craigy, it's just like a dress and I argued that it was a very SMALLLL dress."

The memory suddenly surfaced, but the rest was still foggy, such as the so called long conversation you had with him, hoping to god it didn't involve Lee. As you spaced out, trying to remember, your phone beeped from somewhere in the apartment.

"GAHH!" Craig puffed and spun around with his eyes closed as you hopped out of bed, forgetting all about the robe. "COME ON! Jo, put the robe on."

You heard him but you inattentively countered his request as you incautiously bounced around the room, searching for your phone in case it was your mom...or Lee. "Craig, apparently we sat and drank wine and talked for a long time while I wore this, so what does it matter now?"

He turned partially around to side eye you, hands on his hips. "Yeah well, I wasn't comfortable then and it's no different now. In fact, just so you know, I didn't even look at you while we talked. Just stared straight ahead."

Ignoring him as you found your cell, the knife that Lee had plunged deep into your heart twisted. There was not one call or text from Lee. The one you just received was from Landy asking how you were and informing you that Lee finally replied to his well check on him from yesterday with a text at 10 a.m. this morning that simply stated "she's all yours now."

Your prolonged silence and stillness forced Craig's eyes to look at you. "You...ok?"

"Fuck forever it is then." you mumbled and carelessly tossed your phone on the coffee table., then looked right into Craig's eyes. "So, refresh my memory. What did I talk about last night?" you asked, deflecting with a smile as you roughly grabbed up some old flowers from a vase that were from Lee and took them straight to the trash, for your sadness over him was slowly turning into anger.

How could he just walk away like that? To get you back for the time you RIGHTFULLY did it to him? Your head was still spinning as to how quickly the entire conversation with him at the cemetery went sour. Was it your fault? You never planned on telling him all that extra stuff until later, but when he overheard your mom's call about Gerry, everything just blew up. Maybe it WAS your fault. Maybe you shouldn't have went to see Gerry and that kiss would never have happened. Maybe Lee was right, of course he was right, HE was supposed to be your priority, but regardless, you were still extremely hurt and angry that he just abandoned and avoided you and then said what he said to Orlando as well. You thought that maybe the dawn of a new day would have changed his thoughts, that maybe he would regret what happened, but it was now crystal clear he was not budging. Was it really...over?

"Wellll..." Craig began, trying to mentally block the glorious vision of you in the skimpy satin nighty. "It was a mixture of things, mostly about Megan and what she did to you and then you kept apologizing to me again, over and over about Blaise and you cried and then you randomly said something about being locked in a morgue or something? And you also said you were going to go see Peter to tell him his brother got what he deserved, which I HOPE to god you aren't seriously thinking of doing something so insane! Jason would lose his shit! And after that, you didn't want to talk anymore and just got back in bed. Soooo...what was the morgue thing about?"

You froze in place as the entire conversation came back to you. "I...I can't even believe I mentioned that. It's not something I talk about...to anyone."

"Well, you WERE a bit sloshed on the alcohol and anxiety meds cocktail."

"Yeah, true but...if I'm being honest, I'm comfortable with you Craig. I kind of feel like I can tell you anything. I trust you."

"Comfortable....CLEARLY." he stressed with a smirk. "But...that umm, that means a lot Jo, that you trust me after the whole Jason thing."

"Water under the bridge Craig. Speaking of my brother, have you heard from him? He took off with Britt and just vanished. Do you think he may have found Ethan and that's why he's missing too?"

"I haven't, no. Jo, I'm sure if he found Ethan, I'd have Blaise back already."

"Assuming Ethan even has or had her."

Craig sat down and gulped the rest of his wine. You could tell your words upset him.

"I'm sorry Craig. I shouldn't have said that."

"No Jo, you're right. It's all just an assumption. One that makes the most sense, but maybe Liz had someone take her, or maybe Ethan's POS father is involved. Believe me, I've already thought about all this and have some men tailing him and also watching some people Liz knew."

You sat down beside him. "God I wish I could do something. I'm always going to feel like it's my fault, no matter what you say."

Craig smiled his sweet smile and poured more wine. "You ARE doing something. You care for one thing and that means the world to me and...you're here for me too. You have no idea how much that helps me."

You gazed at him for a moment as you made a difficult decision. "Peter....Peter is the one who locked me in the morgue drawer."

Craig nearly choked on the red vintage as he simultaneously swallowed. "Umm, say what now????"

"Yeah, it was years ago. Shortly after we first met and he became dangerously infatuated with me and..."

"I know all about Peter and his psycho daddy because of Jason and he never mentioned that."

"Because it really fucked me up and I made him promise to keep it to himself. I was traumatized enough and didn't want people knowing for many reasons. It's where I developed my fear of small spaces, storms and anxiety and easily blamed a lot of that on Megan."

"I understand that. Storms?"

"Yeah, you don't even want to know what it sounds like inside one of those during a hurricane. I'll just start from the beginning."

Craig put his glass down and took your hand. "You do NOT have to tell me all this Jo."

"I know but...I...I want to. I need to talk about it before it drives me crazier than I already am and like I said...I feel comfortable with you."

The sweet smile came back. "Well, for the record my dear girl, you're not crazy."

He patted your hand and sat back with his wine. "Alright...fire away sweetheart."

"Well, I'll make it as short as possible because as much as I need to talk about it, I don't care to....but maybe if I confront it, the nightmares will stop...maybe even my fears will lessen or go away completely. Jason told me that once."

"Well, if anyone would know about that, it would be him."

"SO..." you began with a heavy sigh. "Once I found out who Peter truly was as a person, I immediately broke off the short and very stupid fling I had with him, but he wouldn't let me cut him loose. There was a bad storm and I was at Gerry's, who was at work. I remember the power had went out and the next thing I knew, I woke up in a dark space that I could hardly move in and it was hard to breathe. The air was tight and I...I could smell the chloroform that Peter used on me. I began to panic as the thunder shook and pounded the cold metal beneath me and then...I felt the vibration of my cell. It was in my pocket and not only was I surprised that Peter missed it, but that there was even a signal inside there. I was able to maneuver myself just enough to pull it out. It was Gerry and answered and told him I didn't know where I was but I was able to describe just enough to him before Peter yanked me out and grabbed my phone.

He wasn't angry, but more in a panic himself and it wasn't because of the phone. It was because I then realized I was in a fucking morgue and I started crying, but I was too weak from the chloroform to get up.

He stood over me and said I had to be quiet or his father would kill us both since Faison hated anything and anyone that involved Jason and he considered me a betrayal by Peter. I guess Faison's father owned the funeral home which was counties away from Salem and he used it for refuge. Peter's plan was to ride the storm out there and then take me away to another country but he didn't expect his father to be there. He told me he was sorry for what he did but he knew I'd never come willingly. He then said I'd have to stay in the drawer until he could figure something out and he put me back in it and said he'd be back soon....but he never came back. I couldn't open it from the inside and I was running out of air and then....I woke up, choking for air in Gerry's arms. I never saw Peter again until the night I was shot and he was finally caught."

Craig stood up and began pacing and ranting with that one little vein popping out of his reddened forehead. "That son of a bitch, waste of space motherfucker! He should have never made it to prison. I always believed Jason would track him down, but the snake always slithered through the cracks. They need a death penalty for kidnapping! Believe me you, there will be no jail time for who took my daughter! I'll be judge, jury and executioner....the grim fucking reaper!"

As Craig turned to make another round of angry steps, you were right there to stop him, placing your hands on his. "Hey...try to calm down before you get a stroke or something."

"Calm down? Jo, all I see is red right now. I can't even imagine what you must have went through but seeing the attack you had last night sure says a lot and now I can't get the image out of my head of how frightened Blaise must be. She's only 4 for fuck's sake and she's with someone she don't know. What will this do to her?? I mean, this happened to you a long time ago and it still affects you."

"But that's the thing Craig. She's so young. There's a good chance she will forget it over time and who knows? Maybe she does know them and she's not scared at all? IF it's Ethan, do you really think he would hurt her?"

"Maybe not, but it doesn't stop my brain from imagining the worst."

"I know. Ughhhh, if I just would have told you right away where she was, you'd have her here right now."

Craig released a breath full of tension and then became calm as he fixed his blues on your teary eyes. "Once again, this is not your fault sweetheart. You had your own shit going on. I'm going to say this one last time and I want you to hear me ok? I don't blame you and I do not think you did it because I kept Jason a secret from you and I am so sorry that I ever accused you of that in the first place. I was out of my mind with grief and 3 bottles of wine."

"THAT you were." you lightly chuckled.

"AND...even then, after how horribly and unforgivably cruel I was to you, you stayed right there and tried to help me. Why...why couldn't we have met sooner?"

A mutual moment of gazing silence occurred and his hand came up, letting his fingertips lightly trace your neck as he pushed your hair back from your shoulder.

"W...what are doing?" you asked as you nervously angled your shoulder away from him.

"Just admiring a very beautiful vision."

You felt your body involuntarily tingle from his touch. He was so close, you could smell the sweet wine on his warm breath and then, maybe it was fate or a sign when the next thing you smelled was burning bacon.

You jumped back, staring at the smoking skillet. "Oh shit, Craig. You forgot about the bacon!"

As he ran to take it off the stove, you just stood there in severe mental anguish, thinking of how the same thing happened with you and Lee more than once when you had became lost in each other.

"Welp, those little piggies went to the market and back again." he jested as he came back to you, noticing how you were fighting back tears. "Hey, what's wrong love?"

You went right for the robe and put it on as you told a white lie. "Oh, uh...n..nothing. It's just the smoke. Burns my eyes."

Craig saw right through the lie. "Seems it is burning more than your eyes. I um...I better get back and let you go about your day. Sorry about the bacon. I'll buy you some more."

"No, don't be sorry." you softly laughed and meant what you said next with a passion. "It's just bacon."

His eyes were sad as he smiled. "Oky doky. I'll...see you later or whenever. And please, whatever you do, please do not go see Peter. It's what he wants and it will just cause you more pain."

"Hey!" you shouted as he turned to leave and pulled him back to hug him. "Thank you. Thank you for what you did. Staying by my side and all. You saved me Craig. I will never forget that."

Shocked like he was that day in the brush when you hugged him, he allowed his arms to return the embrace, only a little bit tighter than before. "You're welcome sweetheart. Just don't forget me either."

He released you, softly stroked your cheek as he smiled and then left.

Once Craig closed his apartment door behind him, his entire demeanor changed. He hurled his jacket across the room, opened another bottle of wine and took out his phone to make a call.

After a few hours of moping in your bed, you retrieved some luggage from your car, took a rust free shower, ate three bowls of honey nut cheerios and a banana, then sat down with the last of Craig's wine and your laptop to release some feelings on your Facebook, in hopes that Lee would see it since he was dismissing your texts and calls.

But as you opened your profile, one thing stuck out to you like a sore thumb. Your relationship status now said single. Immediately, you went to his profile and it said the same and not only that, he had unfriended you.

That knife that was lodged in your heart was ripped all the way out and thrashed right back back in. "Oh my god! You've got to be joking Lee!!"

You slammed the laptop shut and gulped down your wine, but when you went to refill your glass, the bottle was empty and you didn't have any more so now, you stared at it, contemplating if you should go ask Craig for another bottle...or maybe share one with him instead. Why not? You were now single.

Don't fear the reaper eerily echoed through Craig's studio as he poured his wine and gave a merciless command to Jeffrey. It was simple and straight to the point, for Craig was in no mood for chit chat and Jeff knew it. The mobster mostly known as Negan and sometimes John, comfortably kicked back in the chair, intrigued and enthralled, diligently listening as his hazel hues deviously slitted. He was all up for the job.

"It's time for Peter August to be handled. Make it as painful as possible. Fix him." he casually expressed with a matching smile, then knocked back his wine and left the room.

Three minutes of dozing off was just enough to invite the bad dreams right in and prove to you that talking about your traumas only made them worse. Once again, you were back in the cold, black box as the grim reaper slowly stole your breath, waiting for you to take his hand and suddenly, there was panting Peter towering over you, swearing it would be you and him forever. You could still smell his sweat.

Saved by the beep of your phone, you gasped awake. It was Jeffrey, who paused at your door, wanting to stop and talk to you in person, but he had arrangements to make, for Craig's directive wasn't going to be a simple task to pull off. Not even for him.

"Hey darlin. Sorry, something came up. Tail light and the hunting trip will have to wait. Hope you're ok. You never texted me back. talk soon. - J"

"Ok. and I'm fine. Just busy." you quickly replied and then with a spur of the moment decision, you grabbed your keys, feeling that maybe you needed to face the trauma instead.

Lee gulped down his go to Red Bull and hopped in the shower, running late for work due to his late night of consuming the wicked whiskey. Three hours sleep was all he managed to get as he had tossed and turned, unable to erase the vision of your face when he told you goodbye in the cemetery. And then there was Peter. He had seen him walk up to his parent's graves and just stood there....laughing, over and over and over.

He scrubbed faster and harder as the anxiety clawed at him from the inside out. In an effort to kill it, he cranked the water to a scalding temperature. When you had told him Peter wanted you to go see him, it was like someone had thrown red paint in his face because red was all he could see. Peter wasn't responsible for what happened to his parents, but he despised him nonetheless and he wanted him to pay and his idea of that was for Peter to be reunited with his father and brother in hell.

As he finished rinsing the soap from his overly heated skin, he heard laughter again, but this time....it was Jacob's. He spun around and stood frozen.

"J..Jacob? Is that you buddy?"

Silence then filled the bathroom except for the sound of the shower. As he turned to shut it off, Lee witnessed rust water pouring all over his chest. Gasping and yelling, he jumped back, frantically swatting it off of his body. "What the fuck!!"

He quickly shut it off and just stood there, watching the red water swirl down the drain as he remembered you telling him about experiencing the same thing. Was Jacob trying to tell him something just as you had believed he was?

His entire plans for the day had now changed. Lee was no longer going to work. He hated the place anyways and could not have cared less if he was fired. There was somewhere else he wanted...needed...had to go. Someone he needed to finally see face to face and settle the score.

"See you in hell Sam." he whispered to his reflection in the mirror and went on his way.

@redeemer46

[teawiththespleen]

okay i get it feminine women find NLOG narratives grating but these video essays about NLOG characters in historical dramas are soooo obtuse. like you really think youve analysed the story critically when your point boils down to jo march/anne shirley/anne lister werent all that for going against everything that was expected of them, or when the character trope youre critiquing are REAL people

there’s nOt LiKe OtHeR giRLs, and then there’s existing in an insular or conservative culture as a woman and being unable to exist in peace in any way other than a way that ACTIVELY makes your life harder. i live in a conservative place by and large and im okay dressing in any way that doesn’t have me be a focal point, so i’ll wear something that i dont feel entirely myself in and be fine. but man it’s tough out here for decidedly masc presenting women, who, if anything, check all the conservative dresscode boxes. and that’s NOW. like present day.

what these critiques fail to take into account is that what youd consider NLOG is often performatively so? like youre not just unlike other girls, you’re unlike other girls in a way that’s appealing to men or other such women or whoever decides things are cool. so much of being NLOG is about declaring that you are not like the other girls. and then listing out the ways that you are then not.like the other girls (but you’re still thin, light skinned, have long hair, have a carefully curated wardrobe dw).

ig it’s distancing yourself from admitting you’re preoccupied with figuring out how to perform femininity or feminine appeal or maybe not wanting to be hyperfeminine but youre still straight, or maybe youre at lvl 1 NLOG and you think hyperfemininity and critical thinking is a real life dichotomy or smth

idk what to tell the ytuber but anne lister was decidedly not like other girls. i dont think she’d even call herself a girl if she were plonked into the present day. anne shirley was either born ND or was put through a traumatising system early and for long enough to never be able to look at the world the same way as the kids brought up safely and with loving, money-having parents. and both of these characters loved women too much for you to conclude that they scorned “feminine” qualities (and therefore, the other girls).

you really cant ignore the context of the time. it took so little to not be like other girls. and so many of her points kind of made my heart sink. is attention to clothing and caring about feminine coded things all that there is to being a woman? if anything a historical setting lets you see there’s more to gender and that people contain multitudes. esp w little women, jo and amy are written as foils and share many core features that make them THEM, more so than their clothing or style or the way they choose to come across and the things they scoff at. they’re two ends of the SAME spectrum

where people get the idea that existing as a masculine woman is easy i do not know. i think people too often conflate being gender non-conforming, with actively rebelling against and/or denouncing gendered expectations, with the NLOG trope/phenomenon as seen in social media/published media

you would really make a “we need to talk about���” video about these women and characters while wearing jeans and having your hair down and wearing bright lipstick..