#she is like 17 doing drags with what money I have no idea
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If somebody wants to do a story about drags and sex and alcohol and rude/dark humor I cant help but ask why would you want the characters be pupils then? I mean you can make them students in their early 20s. Its the time where you get some kind of freedom so you can try more things. Like Im tired of stories set in school. How would this teenager be able to buy drags with what money. How would this teen be able go to night club full of teens for dome reason. What about their classes and homework. Like I still don’t understand why Euphoria couldn’t be about adults. Id like a tv show about depression and sexual experiences and drags and all the other heavy stuff if the heroes are like 20+. Yeah I know teens can have sex, but once again we have like 105 billion stories about school life. I’d like something new :/
#personal#i was so disappointed that this show was about school kids#like main hero and all others look like they are students in their 20s#they dont look like teens at all!#and mc was talking about some heavy stuff that i felt like i can relate too but then BOOM she needs to go to school actually#she is not a young adult who cant find a place where she belongs in this adult world#she is like 17 doing drags with what money I have no idea#i cant tale this story seriously#usa get your shit together and do better shows pls#it seems that i only stumble upon stories that are about like adults that have their shit together OR stories about kids/teens :/#my luck is not that great it seems
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Painted Smile
Painted Smile V
<- Previous Chapter | Next Chapter ->
Pairing: Alastor x Reader
Summary: You couldn't wait to meet new friends. What you didn't expect was this smiling little boy, only one year older than you, that would take such a big place in your life.
Notes: I think I wrote more for this chapter. I hope you'll enjoy this chapter dear readers. Let me know what you think about it.
“ You look.. dishearten, my friend”
You sighed as you looked at your friend: Alice. She was one of the first female friends you made 6 years ago at school. She was one of the sweetest girls you have ever met. She had long blonde locks with beautiful sapphire eyes, her voice sounded like a siren’s song. You were proud to be her friend, almost all of the boys who laid their eyes upon her were almost falling to their knees ready to propose to her.
“ I have no idea what to do for Alastor’s birthday.” you sighed “ no idea of a present.”
Alice clapped in her hand with a big grin and you couldn’t help but scoff at her radiance. She always loved when you were talking about yours and Alastor’s relationship. You didn’t really know why but she wanted to meet him. Well… yes, you knew why. Alastor was … He was…
“ How old is he ?” she asked you as she drank her cup of tea.
“ Well, he is going to turn seventeen. So I want to make him something special.” you sighed once again as you laid your cup of hot chocolate on the table.
“ How long have you known each other ? “
“ Almost eight years.” you smiled fondly. Eight years. You’ve been friends with Alastor for eight years and you have loved every single year. You looked into your cup of hot chocolate, the colour reminded you of Alastor’s eyes. Alastor wasn’t a little boy anymore, he had become taller. Taller than you, his frame was more muscular thanks to his hunting trip, he had become more teasing, sneakier, and cunnier but the biggest problem was… He had become so handsome. He lost his chubby cheeks, now his jaw was sharp, his eyes were even more intense than before when he was interested in something, he was–
“ Should I let you alone with your chocolate~?” you jerked your head toward Alice who had a teasing smile on her lips. You chuckled while shaking your head, blushing a little. You daydreamed again ! “ Why do you not want me to meet him, I really want to meet your beau, you know? I have never seen you like this, never did someone make you react like this.”
“ Listen… He is.. an important childhood friend and he can be … intense sometimes. I don’t think you could handle him.” you said as you sipped your drink. You didn’t feel comfortable making Alastor and Alice meet. You knew that Alastor could be an ass sometimes and Alice was too sweet to … understand it ? “ But back to the topic, what should I give him for his birthday …”
“ From what you told me, he seems to really care about you, and with this war going on, I’m sure he’d rather you kept your money.” she smiled at you as you bit your lips. That was the problem. Alastor was going to be 17 years, next year he would turn 18. That means he … would be taken to war right? You felt yourself getting paler as many scenarios went inside your head.
The only good news was that his father had been dragged to war, unfortunately just like yours, meaning that Alastor and Marie were finally alone in their house. After the hunting’s trip’s accident eight years ago, you’ve never trusted his father again. Many times you went to Marie’s house and each time her husband was home you could feel the tension lingering in the air. When he was here, you and Alastor would go outside, play with Husker, play tag or hide and seek.
Alastor never really talked about his father, but you could sense that he hated him. But you didn’t know why and one day, you tried to push on the subject, you wanted to help him in any way possible.
This was the first time Alastor had raised his voice at you.
“ Are you okay?” you lifted your head toward your friend. “ He won’t go to war, from what the paper says, it seems like it’s going to end soon!” she smiled at you as she took your hand in hers. You sighed, praying that you would never have to send Alastor to war. Alastor has tried to reassure you by saying that if he were to go to war, he would be an amazing soldier.
War is like a big hunt.
“ Yes, yes… I think I’m going to go home. I need to finish some homework and I don’t want to leave my mother alone.”
“ Did Delilah steal your work again?”
“ I think, but who cares, I’ll just do it again… Well, your beautifulness, might I walk you home?” you bowed as she laughed and you began to walk toward the richest quartier of New Orleans. You gossiped with Alice about what happened during this school’s week. She was so sure John was interested in pursuing a relationship with you. You rolled your eyes at her, she always liked love’s story.
You did too, you weren’t going to lie, but when you thought about your future with a husband… You thought about–
“ Well, here we are! Are you sure you don’t want to stay here, I made cupcakes this morning!” she exclaimed with a big grin. You smiled at her, saying you really needed to go home.
You waved her goodbye and walked home. You tried to make your way home quickly, if you were lucky, a letter from your father would be waiting for you at home. You had prayed each day that once the stupid war was over, he would come back alive. You opened your house’s door and went inside, hurrying toward the living room. Did your father sended you a letter ?
“ Look who’s here~”
You turned around with a big smile, feeling your heart thumb loudly in your chest. How could he make you react like this everytime?
“ Alastor !” You hugged him before kissing him on both cheeks. Alastor had stopped flinching when you were touching him, even more surprising , he was very clingy with you. Always being in your personal space like he owned it.
“ Seems like someone drank hot chocolate but didn't bother wiping her mouth.” he wiped your bottom lips with his gloved hand. You flushed as he stared at your mouth, keeping his finger on your lips. You could see your own reflection in his glasses. Unlike before, you couldn’t read Alastor as easily as when he was a child, unless you were alone together and mister decided to be “vulnerable” with you. But you… You always felt safe and most of all, you felt seen.
Alastor always had a glint in his eyes when he was looking at you. You’ve never seen him look at something or someone else like this… And you liked it. Was it selfish to crave his attention… maybe not. You both were friends, special friends, childhood friends… But, Oh Lord, sometimes you craved more, but you didn’t know what. If Alastor was looking at you like this as a friend, how would he look at his future wife?
“ Oh my dear, you look starving.”
You gasped as you took a step back while Alastor was smirking at you, his arms folded behind his back. You stuck your tongue to him, like you used to, you were maybe a young lady now, but with Alastor you were… yourself.
“ Young lady ! Didn’t I tell you to stop sticking your tongue ! I’m sorry, Alastor.” said your Mother while Marie, who was just behind her, was laughing behind her hand. “ Good Lord, when you both are together you are back to being children, God preserve me.” she sighed as she went into the kitchen.
“ Yes, listen to your Mother. Keep your tongue inside your pretty mouth.” teased Alastor as he sat on the sofa with his usual mocking smile. “ Now my dear, do you have news to share with me?”
You sat on the other side of the sofa and began to gossip as you usually did. There weren’t any microphones or notes like when you were children, but it was the same as your broadcast like you used to do in his bedroom. Just you and Alastor, gossiping about your daily life.
“ And then Alice said that John was interested in me but I think he just–”
“ Should I be alarmed ? It’s not the first time I heard this name ?” teased Alastor as he took off his glasses to clean them with a tissue from his chest pocket.
“ Which one? Alice? She wants to meet you…” you mumbled and tensed when you saw Alastor’s smile.
“ Well, why didn't you say so! I would be delighted to meet the darling that blesses my sweet little friend with her presence when I’m not here!” he exclaimed as he stood up. You jumped off the sofa as you forced him to sit back down.
“ No Alastor !”
“ Oh come on my dear, do you want to keep me all to yourself ? How bold.” he smiled as he watched you struggle to keep him sitting. You groaned and decided to just sit on his lap to keep him from standing up. So there you were on your knees on each side of his thighs. You heard him inhale deeply, his hand gripping the sofa. Don’t blushed, don’t blushed, don’t blushed…
“ How bold, indeed, dear…” he stared at you, without his glasses. There it was. That glint. The one who made you… Feeling strange. You didn’t know if you were scared or…or what? There was something lingering in the air... He opened his mouth but you cut him off.
“ What do you want for your birthday ?”
His body tensed for a second, staring straight at you before he relaxed himself and laughed, tilting his head backward. He shook his head as he rolled his eyes.
“ Well, just like always. Celebrating with you and Mother. What could I ask for more?” he smiled at you but as you tried to stand up from his thighs, he grabbed your waist and pulled you near his face. “ Should we invite John?”
“ Who–? Wait, John? Why?” you frowned as you looked at his smile which seemed tense. He was grabbing your waist tighter now. His grip should hurt you but.. it was oddly comfortable. Why did he suddenly change–?
“ Wait… Are you jealous?” you smiled as you saw his smile twitched. “ Yes, yes, you are. Haha !” you laughed hoping you sounded mocking, but even to your ears, you almost sounded pleased, relieved. You squeaked as he pinned you to the sofa and began to tickle you. You squirmed as your laughter was getting louder and louder, gasping for air.
“ Do you remember the rules, dear?” he asked with a cunning smile, knowing perfectly that you couldn’t answer right now. “ Rule number one: Never drop your guard.” he stopped tickling you “ Go on dear. Rule number two?” he tilted his head toward you, staring at your red and teary face.
“ You are the strongest here.” you gasped as you tried to wipe your tears that threatened to stream down your face but Alastor holded both of your wrist in one hand.
“ Rule number three.”
“ I give up…” you breathed as you closed your eyes. You felt his head next to yours, his lips almost touching your ears.
“ Give up yourself to me.”
Your eyes opened suddenly, feeling your body being hot. You looked at Alastor who was above you but he seemed confused. He tilted his head as he watched your expression.
“ Are you okay, you look almost as red as Eamon ?” he laughed at you as he stood up, putting his glasses back on.
“ What did you just say?” you asked, your voice a mere whisper.
“... You look almost as red as Eamon?” you shook your head as you sat up and stared at him. He seemed really confused, did you imagine this? Is it what you wanted to hear? You groaned as you hid your face in your head, it was because of Alice’s stories, your mind was playing tricks on you now! “ By the way dear, it seems like you have a letter.” he said as he held a letter to you. It was from your father !
You took the letter from his hand with a happy grin, the letter was already open, surely your mother, and read what your father wanted you to know. He was okay, he missed you but mostly there were rumors about how the war will be soon over. you sighed in relief. Your father would come home. You just knew it. You looked at Alastor who was observing your face.
“ You still have no news from your father?”
“ No, I wouldn’t be surprised if he had been killed for insubordination.” he said with detachment as he looked at his nails. You nodded before turning your head toward the entrance where you heard a knock. You stood up and went to open the door and froze.
“ Alice ?”
“ I’ll be quick, you forgot your bag at the coffee shop.” she smiled as she held your bag toward you.
“ How… But… You went back to the coffee shop?”
“No, no, a gentleman came to my door and asked if the bag was mine.”
“ Alice… A man came to your door with my bag and you are not worried ? How did he know where you lived ? Does that mean he followed us?” you forced her to enter your house, looking outside “ What does he look like?” You squealed as you were jerked inside the house by your dress. You turned to see Alastor who was staring at you, with a pissed expression, his smile still present.
“ Are you dumb? If there is a man who is following you, why would you show your face, confirming that you are living here.” he asked you coldly. You closed the door quickly.
“ The man isn’t here for me, if he is here. He didn’t follow me, he followed her.” you pointed to Alice. “ You can understand that, I mean, look at her.”
You watched as Alastor looked at Alice. You couldn’t see his face but you saw Alice’s who seemed to try to make herself even smaller than she was. He shook her hand with his usual charming smile you guessed.
“ Quite a pleasure to be meeting you, I’ve heard a lot of you. You seemed like a clever woman, I would have never guessed that you would walk down the street with a soon to be stalker at your feet, bringing this man to my dear friend’s door!”
“ N-nice to be meeting you, sir. I’m.. I’m sorry..?” Alice stared at you, begging you with her eyes to do something. You sighed, you have told her Alastor was intense.
“ No, no, No need to be sorry. It is not your fault, but the gentleman’s one. You both shouldn’t stay outside alone.”
“ Alastor, maybe we are overthinking. Maybe he was a nice gentleman–”
“ Oh my friend, hush.” he turned to Alice “ What did he look like?”
You watched as Alice described the man’s appearance. You were dumbfounded. Did Alastor just shush you? You crossed your arms on your chest as you pouted, watching both of your friends talking. They looked good together… You bit your lips. No. Alice wouldn’t be able to stay an entire day with Alastor. You stomped your foot on the floor and you clapped your hand together.
“ Well, dear friends of mine, go into the living room, I'll go with some drinks.”
“ No, no, I won’t bother you any longer. I’m going home.”
“ I’ll accompany you.Stay here.”
You stared in shock as Alastor went into the kitchen where your mothers were. Did he just say what you thought he said? Alice came closer to you and winked at you.
“ He seems like a good man, keep it up.”
Alastor came back with his jacket on, he opened the door for Alice and left without kissing you goodbye. You stared at the closed door. Did Alastor fall for Alice, like every boy she met? You ran to your room, and jumped on your bed, burying your face in your pillow. Did he really leave, leaving his mother? you threw your pillow on the wall.
“ To hell with him ! I don’t need him.” you said as you wiped the tears that you haven’t even felt falling down your cheeks. You went to the bathroom, ignoring your mother and Marie’s question about your teary eyes. You washed up, put on a nightgown and went into your bed. You stared at the wall before closing your eyes. You couldn’t fall asleep, you were imaginiting Alice and Alastor walking down the road, hands in hands. You felt tears whelming up in your eyes. You didn’t care! You didn’t!
You didn’t know how long you kept thinking about it but you were still awake when you felt a hand stroking your cheeks. You sighed , nuzzling your cheek against the hand. You guessed your mother was coming to comfort you even though she didn’t know why you were upset.
“ Dear friend, why are you crying?”
You sat up immediately and stared at the person in front of you.
“ Alastor…Why are you here?” you asked as you held the cover against you. You didn’t want him to see you like this. Crying over him. You were too proud. And you weren’t crying for him!
“ Well, I came to give you your kiss, dummy.” he approached his face toward you, staring at your eyes. “ But why are you crying? Is it because of the man?” his eyes went cold, his smile widened but there was no warmth like usual. He seemed.. menacing. “ Did he come here? Did he touch you? Where?”
You just stared at him as tears were falling down your cheeks. It seemed like seeing you cry made him more and more upset.
“ This bastard was here? I fucking walked your little friend home so I could see if someone was lingering around here and that bastard had the nerve to come and–”
You didn’t know what came over you, you covered his face with your blanket and you kissed the place where the blanket covered his lips. He froze. You pressed your lips against the tissue and then slowly, stepped back. You stared at him, his face still covered…
“ No.. I was just… afraid that you would leave me for Alice.” you whispered looking at his frame. Seeing that he didn’t remove the blanket, you understood that… he knew that both of you would not be talking about what is happening right now. “ She is a beautiful lady, and she is interesting, sweet… a perfect lady you would say.”
“ Don’t put words in my mouth dear.” You chuckled as he moved his hand toward your cheek, wiping your tears away. “ So, you thought she was going to take me away from you? How absurd. Nothing could tear me away from you, not even yourself.”
You stopped breathing at this confession, your heart beating even stronger. You didn’t know what to do with all of your feelings. You were just so relieved that Alastor saw your friendship like you did.
“ Can I take off your blanket now?”
You laughed and uncovered his face, his warm smile was back, his glint in his eyes even more present. You looked away, fidgeting with your nightgown. You needed to erase the tension quickly.
“ You look like an absolute mess my dear friend! I’ll let you rest and please, do get your beauty sleep unless you want to crack every mirror you shall see.” he laughed as you tried to hit him with a pillow. He kissed you on the forehead, giggling before leaving your bedroom. “ See you soon, doll~!”
You fell on your bed with a big smile and hid your face into your pillow.
You didn’t know what happened but it made your feel better.
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Every Baby Needs a Daddy 17
Part 16
Eddie's chin was perched on Steve's shoulder, reading through the contents of the letter. There was a bunch of legal jargon that went over his head, but it was purely the fact that his parents sent it that document that spoke volumes about the kinds of people they were. Eddie also took to heart that fact Steve hardly ever mentioned them.
"And what exactly are they asking you to 'cease and desist'?" It was too early in the morning for such small print and lawyer-language. Eddie rubbed his eyes.
"Nothing they haven't said before. "I'm an embarrassment to them and they want me to stop."
Eddie hugged Steve from behind and kissed his shoulder. Then he kissed the back of his neck. As he did, he pulled the letter from his hand and then kissed his cheek.
"I'll let my people look over this, but there's no way they can order you to do anything. And if they keep bothering you, we can counter-sue for harassment."
Steve turned around in his arms and smiled. "You'd sue my parents for me?"
"Anything for my baby. I'd keep them wrapped up in court dates for years."
No one bothered his baby. Especially when he wasn't doing anything wrong. Just the idea of Eddie doing so made Steve swoon a little. This was exactly what he had dreamed of. Being scooped up from his humdrum life, filled with stress and anxiety and disappointment and being embraced by someone not just willing to love on him, but take care of him. Steve hadn't worried about a single bill since he and Eddie got together. The amount of times he'd pulled out his own money to pay could be counted on one hand.
"Hmm, I think we'll let them squirm a bit", Steve finally decided. "They don't get to stamp their feet after ignoring me for years."
And so, the letter was pretty much ignored in favor of other things going on. Steve didn't make any effort to be seen less in public. If anything, he was seen more, on the arm of someone from Corroded Coffin. Steve thought he'd be bothered by being photographed all the time. And while it was odd (he didn't know what the fuss was about him and Gareth looking at stationary) so far no one had caught him in any sort of compromising position.
He and Eddie had fucked in the backseat during a car wash and the most provocative picture the tabloids had was one of Eddie's nose buried in his neck, one squeezing his behind as they tried to do a quick makeout in an alley.
And any negative comments were not only drowned out by the positive ones, but they were also easy to ignore when he had a pack of men showering him with adoration.
One night, his parents called and while Steve would rather not been bothered with them, he felt like a shield was cast over him while he was cuddled up to Eddie on one side and the rest of his pack sitting around the living room. So this time, he answered.
"Hello mother."
"You think you're funny, don't you? You think this is all a joke? Have you even thought about us once? Honestly, every morning I wake up thinking there's going to be a picture of you with your pants down or you on your knees or some other-I just don't know where we went wrong with you Steven but this is truly unacceptable."
"What exactly is unacceptable about all of this? What do you actually know about it?"
Eddie muted the tv and gestured for Steve to put her on speaker so that they could all hear. Steve did and his mother's voice sounded around the room.
"We know you're running around with a bunch of musicians, doing god knows what, probably drugs and ruining our family name. Do you know how many times Irene Netting has had something to say about you? I swear the woman has no life but I can't refute the facts she's telling about you."
"You never bothered to get the facts from me", Steve said.
"Did you read the terms in our letter?"
"You mean the cease and desist order?"
"You are going to stop besmirching the Harrington name. By any means necessary. And if that means we have to drag you back home, well, thankfully there's an associate of your father's that's still interested. He's a beta, but beggars can't be choosers."
Steve could scent the way his pack felt about that and if that wasn't enough, the way they were glaring at his phone told the whole story. Eddie held his hand out for it and Steve gave it over, wondering what he'd say.
"Sorry to disappoint, but Steve is already home. And he's not leaving just so you can sell him off to someone twice his age."
"Who is this!? Steven Phillip Harrington, are you living with those animals?"
Steve refrained from making a comment about how beastly Eddie could be in bed. But decided now was as good a time as any to introduce them all. "Mother, this is Eddie, my alpha. Eddie, my dear mother."
Her sucking in a breath could be heard, clearly about to admonish her son again, when Jeff spoke up.
"You know, if it's just about messing up the 'Harrington name' all Steve needs to do is change it."
"Yeah, but to what?", Gareth asked, like the answer wasn't obvious.
It was clear to Steve and Eddie. It was clear the moment they locked eyes. Steve felt the need to bare his neck, to let Eddie claim that last part of himself and be joined forever. Abruptly, Eddie got up from the couch and got down on his knees in front of his love. Steve hung up the phone without ever taking his eyes off of his alpha.
"Stevie, baby, angel, muse of my soul", Eddie kissed his knee. "Would you do me the honor of taking my last name?"
Steve thought back to the night they first met, when he was certain he'd never have Eddie's attention for more than a night, if only for an hour. And now he was prostrated before him, offering his bite. Unable to help himself, Steve fell to his feet, wrapping his arms around his intended.
"Yes! Now. Give it to me now", Steve pleaded, leaning his head to the side to expose his neck.
Eddie hummed into his skin, kissing Steve's neck and even pressing his lips to that special spot in a tease before pulling back. Steve's pout was almost enough to make him do it right now. But he couldn't. He wouldn't.
"You deserve a proper courtship, baby. And a proper mating." They may have skipped a few steps, but Eddie was determined to show his beloved how much he meant to him. "If you thought you were spoiled before..."
Steve kissed him and then kissed him again. He couldn't wait and wanted it now. But also the thought of being courted, like an old fashioned courting from back in the day. He also couldn't wait for that. And Eddie wasted no time.
The very next day, Eddie went in full force. Steve was met with courting gifts, Eddie got the approval of Robin, and even the rest of his home pack when they barged in on the video call with Robin.
"I'll withhold my full approval until we can meet in person, Mr. Munson. But for now, you have my permission to court him", Robin said.
When Robin was finally able to come down and meet him, Steve was excited to introduce her. What ended up happening was that he had two menaces on his hands. But that just meant that Robin saw him as an equal and thus perfect for her Steve. And so, two months after announcing his intention, Eddie took Steve on a nice night out. After shopping for an eye catching outfit, they went to a show, dinner, and then when they returned home, Eddie took them right to their bedroom.
By now, their den and nest had become one and Steve knew that he'd never have to take it apart unless an item needed to be washed or re-scented. Tonight, as Eddie lay him down Steve reveled in the scents there. More than one item was fresh. The boys must've scented their clothes while they were on their date.
"I can't believe we waited so long for this", Eddie said while kissing at his belly. "Wanted this since I first laid eyes on you."
"That long?", Steve breathed out, squirming a little as he felt that sinful tongue on his hips.
"Mmm", Eddie hummed against Steve's mound, taking his time, loving that they had time. "That long. I've wanted you to be my mate, bonded and pupped up that whole time."
Steve released a small moan as Eddie spread him and then blew on his cunt, watching it twitch with anticipation. Eddie didn't tease for long, wanting to build up before he sunk his teeth into Steve's neck. Only when Steve was putty in his hands, filled to the brim with his knot, crying out his name, did he finally take the plunge.
When they were catching their breaths, still tied up, and Eddie licking at the new bite, Steve tried to speak between his panting.
"Me...me too..."
"Hm?"
"I've wanted this, since the first night too", Steve finished. "Wanted you forever." He rocked against Eddie. "Wanted you and your pups. The others too now."
Eddie reached down to rub at Steve's clit, making his eyes roll at the sensation. If that's what his baby wanted, his baby would get it. There was enough seed to go around to keep Steve pupped up year round if he desired.
"All you gotta do is ask, sweetness. Fuck", Eddie bucked up into him, making Steve yelp. The thought of him, round with any of their pups was almost too much. For both of them.
It only took a few talks with the whole pack for Steve to stop taking his birth control. Steve was so excited to announce it that he hopped on the first dick that he saw, which was Gareth's. Eddie found them like that in the kitchen, Steve bent over a counter and he took his own turn when he found out what the celebration was for.
Three months later, Steve felt a series of symptoms that had him going to the doctor. And by the next visit it was confirmed: twins. While the doctor was giving him more information, Steve's thoughts were wrapped up in the hope that it was not just Eddie's, but Jeff's too. His body warmed at the memory of having taken both alpha's cocks.
Pictures began to surface of him and his new belly, tracking his progress and of course, speculating on which member of the band was the sire of his new pups. But as the gossip and rumors spread, they made sure it was clear they were reporting on Steve Munson.
End
And that's a wrap! I miiiight do an epilogue on what happens after but for now, that is the end :) thank all yall for reading and leaving such wonderful comments!
Here's that epilogue
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I recently re watched gravity falls and found your blog! i love the way you characterize Dipper, btw.
If your requests are open, do you mind writing something about Dipper x Reader where reader has a crush on dipper but is kinda low key about it but maybe Mable knows and tries to help Dipper and Reader get together?
I was thinking maybe Reader is Wendy’s younger sister and she has to watch Dipper have a crush on her (a little bit of angst doesn’t hurt anybody 🤣) but then she goes through a near death experience and Dipper realized he has a crush on her.
Sorry if this was very hyper specific, I’ve had this idea for a while now but I’m really nervous about writing it myself i guess…
Older Dipper Pines × reader (16-17)
Warnings: angst, happy ending, feminine pronouns used
Thank you for the request! It took me a second to get to it but l'm back to writing so please sending requests if you have them! 💜💜
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I Hate You ~ D.P.
“I hate you.”
Those were the last words I spoke to my best friend Dipper Pines before I blacked out.
“I hate you too.”
That was the last thing I heard Dipper say to me before we got separated.
To understand what’s happening, let’s go back.
~Four Summers Ago~
I sigh as I walk into the Mystery Shack to give my sister, Wendy, her lunch she left at home. I walk in and see Mr. Pines having his usual debacle with a customer, trying to get them to spend an unfathomable amount of money on a rock painted gold. I chuckle as I watch the scene go down.
“Y/n.” I hear my sister say. “Mh?” I hum as I place her lunch on the counter she’s standing behind. “Me and the gang are going to the haunted gas station tonight, you in?” She asks. I look hesitant. “I don’t know Wendy. Last time we did something like this it didn’t go well.” I shutter as I remember our prior experience to a haunted location. “C’mon dude. Your boyfriend’s gonna be there.” She teases. “Boyfriend?!”
I whipped around as I hear a girls voice I’ve never heard before. I’m met with a messy head of brown hair, big brown eyes, and a smile filled with silver braces. “Hi! I’m Mabel, and people call me the love expert!” She declares. “No one calls you that.” I move to look around Mabel and see an identical boy holding a notepad and pen. He’s cute. A blush creeps onto my cheeks as I hear Wendy expose my secret.
“Yeah, you guys know Nate? Well Y/n has had a huge crush on him for like, forever.” Wendy snickers. “This reminds me of Dipper’s big crush on Wen-“ Mabel is suddenly cut off by the Dipper’s hand slapping over her mouth. He turns beat red. “Excuse us.” He says before dragging Mabel into the living room.
“Who’s that?” I ask. “That’s Dipper and Mabel, Stan’s great niece and nephew.” She says before turning her attention to the magazine in her hand.
Dipper and Mabel come back in, Mabel trying to hide the smirk on her face. “So.” Dipper squeaks our before clearing his throat. “So,” he says in a forced deep voice. “I overheard that you two are going to the haunted convenient store. What if I- I mean Mabel and I come with you?” He says. “Yeah but I’m only gonna go if Y/n goes and she’s too scared to go.” Wendy sighs. “What? I’m not scared. I’ll go. I’m going.” I state.
Wendy raises her eyebrows. She knows something’s up. “Great! I guess we’re going.” Dipper says as he looks up at Wendy like he’s star struck.
Oh.
~One Month Ago~
I take a deep breath as I rest my head on Dipper’s shoulder. His jacket is draped over my shoulders as we sit on the shack’s roof. It’s just the two of us and the stars.
“There’s the Big Dipper.” I say, point at the constellation. He chuckles. I always point it out to him every time we star gaze. A comfortable silence falls over us. I feel the weight of his head fall onto mine as I hear him take a deep breath.
*Just tell him Y/n. There’s no better time than now.*
“Dipper?”
“Yeah?”
“Can I tell you something?”
“Of course.”
“I-“
“Hey dudes!”
Me and Dipper’s heads whip around to see Wendy. She crawls up the ladder, Pitt Colas in hand. “You two need some company?”
I see Dipper’s face light up. “Yeah! I mean of course!” He says with the biggest smile on his face. I sigh as Wendy sits next to him.
I love Wendy to death but she’s such a cock block. (DON’T TAKE THIS LITERALLY LMFAO)
Wendy and Dipper start laughing about something stupid before Dipper looks at me. “What were you gonna tell me Y/n?” He asks. “Nothing. I’m tired and Mabel and I were gonna watch a movie anyway.” I say coldly before walking over to the ladder. Dipper and Wendy give each other a look before Wendy looks to me and mouths ‘I’m sorry.’ I shake my head and climb down the ladder.
So much for that.
~Three Hours Ago~
Dipper, Mabel, Soos, Wendy and I make our way through the woods to our next adventure. Ford send us out to find some fairy dust for his next invention. He says he’s making a stain remover for Stan’s bed sheets because allegedly his sheets are so stained that he needs a magical solution to fix it.
I shudder at the thought of Stan’s stained sheets. “You okay?” I hear Dipper ask me. “Yeah, just thinking about Stan’s stained sheets.” Dipper and I laugh together until we hear Soos say something. “Yo dudes, check this out.” We all make our way over and see exactly what we’re looking for: the fairy village.
“Okay guys this should be easy enough. We just need to get one cup of fairy dust and we should be good to go.” We all nod and go separate ways to find fairy dust.
An hour later, five fairies cussing me out and a gallon of fairy dust in my eyes, we finally got a cup of fairy dust. “That was harder than expected.” I say. “No kidding.” Dipper says as he rubs the top of his head were a diary pushed a brick onto.
“The sun is going down and you know what they say, when the sun goes down in the woods, take care, for shadows loom and secrets share.” Soos whispers.
We all look at each other confused. “Where did you hear that?” I ask. “I think I read it on a cereal box.” He says. I furrow my eyes in confusion until I feel an arm stop me from walking. It’s Dipper’s. “What? What is it?” I ask. “Did you guys hear that?”
Suddenly, we hear a high pitched scream. We all cover our ears. “What is that?!” Wendy shouts. “It’s a Dybbuk!” Dipper answers. “A what?!” Mabel screams. “A Dybbuk! It’s a- no time to explain, run!” He shouts before grabbing my hand and running.
We all start running but all of us get separated, except Dipper and I. He leads us to a hiding spot behind a big tree.
I grip onto his hand tighter, him returning the action. He looks at me and I look at him. For a second I could’ve sworn it looked like he saw something in me. Something more than just friends.
“Y/n.”
“Yeah?”
“If I die, I just want you to-“
“To what?”
“Tell Wendy I love her.”
My heart drops.
That sentence snapped something inside of me. All of those years of waiting. All of those years doing anything and everything to get his attention. All those tears wondering why he chose my sister and not me.
“Dipper.”
“Yeah?”
“I hate you.”
His face drops.
“What?”
I jump up and beginning running from our hiding spot. “Fine! I hate you too!” Dipper shouts from his hiding spot.
I run. I run as hard as I can. I run until I can’t feel my legs and my lungs burn. I trip and land on a rock, busting my knees and scratching up my arms. The tears finally start falling.
I don’t know what’s happening, I don’t know where I am, I don’t know if my friends are alive.
“Wendy!” I scream. I just want my sister. I just want someone.
**Snap.**
My head whips around.
**Snap.**
Another twig snapped.
**Snap.**
**Snap.**
**Snap.**
Twigs all around me start snapping, my head unable to keep up with them.
**Snap.**
I hear a twig snap directly in front of me. I looks up and see it. The Dybbuk.
~Now~
That was the last thing I remember. Where am I now? I’m not sure. It’s dark. It’s quiet. Very quiet.
I can’t hear, I can’t see, but I feel something. I feel a hand in mine, another on my face.
That’s when I heard his voice.
“Y/n!”
Dipper?
“Oh Y/n. Please wake up. This is all my fault I shouldn’t have let you go! I shouldn’t have-“ He’s cut off with a sob. “I shouldn’t have hid my feelings from you. I- I’m like in love with you Y/n! I’ve just been too much of a coward to say it.” He begins sobbing harder. He hand gripping mine harder.
I’m able to move. I squeeze his hand.
“Y/n?”
My eyes flutter open.
“Y/n!”
“Dipper?”
“Yeah?”
“I love you too.”
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I LOVE THIS IDEA!!! I hope I wrote this to your standards and I’m sorry for getting to this late I’ve been in a writing slump. Thank you everyone for the support! 💜💜
#gravity falls#dipper pines#gravity falls x reader#gravity falls x you#x reader#alex hirsch#dipper pines x reader#mabel pines#pines family#stan pines
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P.2 HH Lucifer-centric AU 5/?
STORY 1, PART 1, PART 2, PART 3, PART 4, PART 6, PART 7, PART 8, PART 9, PART 10, PART 11, PART 12, PART 13, PART 14, PART 14.5, PART 15, PART 16, PART 17, PART 18, PART 19, PART 20, PART 21, PART 22, PART 23, PART 24, PART 25, PART 26
Notes below!
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Ever since his redemption (a perplexing event he still couldn't fathom), Sir Pentious had never left Emily's side at all. Well, more like he wasn't allowed to leave the young Seraph's side at all. That tall lady, Sera, proved to be stricter than dear Vagatha.
Confined to a single floor among Heaven's bright buildings, he shared quarters with the Seraphs. Sera had instructed him to remain there until she could resolve the issue at hand.
He has no idea what the other means by that. Wasn't his redemption already the resolution they needed?
The snake demon- nope, angel now- felt an urge to consult Emily about it, as she reminded him greatly of Charlie. Yet, he never got the opportunity, when one day he was abruptly awoken and whisked away before he could even really wake up.
Sir Pentious: Emily, dear, where exactly are we going?
Emily: Last time, Sera said she had a meeting with the Heavenly Virtues, so I told her to tell them about you being a redeemed soul from Hell.
Sir Pentious: And who, pray tell, are thesssssse.. Virtuesssssss?
Emily: The Archangels of Heaven. They're the highest authority here just under the Lord.
Sir Pentious: Miss Charlie didn't mention any Archangels during her trial.
Emily: They weren't there. They put all their trust in Sera to handle those kinds of matters but... After the last extermination, there was no hiding Sera can do anymore. And when she was called for that meeting, I begged her to tell them about you.
Sir Pentious: I will guess that she hasssssn't?
Emily: She didn't! I can't believe her. She came back and she's refusing to see me or even go back to tell them! So, I'm making an executive decision to tell them myself.
Sir Pentious: Do I really have to be there?
Emily: Of course! You're living- uhh- dead? proof that a soul can be redeemed! Now come on!
Sir Pentious: Are you ssssssure we're allowed here, dear?
Emily had been noticeably fidgety—a trait Sir Pentious recognized all too well. From past experience, he understood that such behavior either means discomfort, fear, or guilt. He isn't sure what she's thinking right now.
Emily: Um- yep!
Sir Pentious: Then why are we sneaking in?
The angel's expression confirmed his suspicions. Right on the money.
Emily: Well- I- just follow me!
Emily continued to open random doors while dragging Sir Pentious along, seemingly determined to find a specific room among them. Despite their covert mission, they managed to evade any detection so far. Yet, the newly redeemed soul couldn't shake the feeling that they weren't alone in the building.
Emily: One of these rooms has to belong to one of them.
As Emily expressed her determination, a fleeting glimpse of familiar red and white caught Sir Pentious' attention.
He instinctively turned his head towards the direction, only to find the hallway empty. There's a nagging sensation compelling him to investigate further.
Emily intervened, grabbing his arm before he could even move away.
Emily: Sir Pentious! What are you doing?
Sir Pentious: I think I sssssaw ssssssomething, deary.
Emily's sudden burst of excitement propelled them both towards the direction where Sir Pentious claimed to have seen the figure vanished.
Emily: Do you think it's an Archangel? I hope so. We might get in trouble if it's anyone other than them. Then again, I've never been in this building before and I'm not really allowed but I'm technically acting Seraphim right now so-
Her words trailed off into rambling, but Sir Pentious paid her no mind, his focus is entirely on tracking the elusive figure. However, they couldn't catch up as they lost it amidst the labyrinth of corridors.
Sir Pentious: Hmmm. Perhaps it was no one-
The building suddenly shook so hard causing them to fall on the floor. It stopped just as quickly as it happened.
Emily: What was that?!
Sir Pentious: Emily, doesssss Heaven get earthquakessssss?
Emily: I don't even know what those are!
As Sir Pentious and Emily cautiously approached the door from which the sound of bickering emanated, they exchanged a knowing glance. With silent agreement, they inched closer, their curiosity piqued by the faint golden glow seeping through a suspiciously well-placed crack on the door just perfect for their eyes.
Sir Pentious chose to say nothing about it.
Peeking through the cracks, they find themselves shocked at who was at the other side of the door.
Michael: You don't understand! I- it was such a hard decision! It was the best option! I'm Heaven's protector and- Lucifer: You were my protector too!
Emily: Archangel Michael?! / Sir Pentious: His Majesty?!
Emily: His- wait. What do you mean?
Sir Pentious: That'ssssss His Majessssty, Lucifer!
Gasping a little too loudly, Emily's hands flew to cover her mouth.
A part of her wants to go back to the Archangel's words. Where did she hear that before?
Emily: Charlie's dad?? As in the King of-
Michael: -on their knees in front of people other than our Lord. It took so many meetings for them to relent. That's why you and Lilith spent a long time held in the Garden. Lucifer: Shut up. Michael: So, I'm really sorry that we let you down. Lucifer: Shut up, Michael! Michael: But if I had the chance to go back, I would do it all over again.
As Emily listened to the heated exchange between the Archangels, a pang of empathy tugged at her heart. She couldn't help but wonder if someone could truly utter such hurtful words even in the midst of apologies. She doesn't blame Charlie's dad one bit if she were in his shoes. If Sera hurt her like that...
Ah. But Sera did hurt her. She lied to her.
Amidst the confusing emotions swirling within her, Emily's acute senses picked up something else from within the room—voices that didn't belong to the two arguing Archangels. The threads are-
Lucifer: You should've killed me when you had the chance. And now you think you can beat me at my own game?
Wait a second. Where had she heard about golden thread before? What did Sera say? That every soul's destiny, human or not, was already determined by the-
Emily: Oh no. No no no no! Sir Pentious we have to get out here before they see us!
Sir Pentious: Young miss, the Archangel you need is beyond that door plus His Majesty! We can relay the news faster to Charlie this way!
There's manic laughter now but Emily is far too panicked think of it.
Lucifer: Divine move? Divine move? You think you have any moves at all?!
She's pulling him with all her might but the winner is stubborn.
Emily: This room- We aren't allowed here! We're not even allowed to see it! Sera said this is the room of The F-
Lucifer: Maybe then, Heaven could've killed that weak, naive angel. But me? ME?! Ì̶̢̤̉'̵͙͕͑M̷̱͋̀ ̵̬͌T̴̥͠͝H̸̫́̑E̶̳̠̐̎ ̴̠̣̎̐D̷̼̕E̵̢̳͆V̶̳̩̉̋Ì̶̬L̴̥̗̾ ̴̮͝F̸̝̓̀Ų̸̠͗̑C̵͚͗K̷̺̚̚I̵̠̋̕Ň̸͎͈G̵̘̔ ̵̤͛I̸̩͐N̷̥̰̋C̸͓̒̍A̴̙̓R̵͍͛N̴̤͎͠A̵͇̟̓Ṯ̴̯͊Ḙ̴͑̇,̴̰͆̑ ̵̤́ͅÝ̴̙̫̈́O̵͚͐͒U̵̙͂ ̷̱̆͜͝Ċ̸͍̌Á̷̰́N̸͉̈'̶͇̎͂T̵̠̒ ̶͖́K̶̛̲̮̆I̸͎̘͐̃L̴̟̙̔̿L̴̜̾͊ ̶̱̥̌M̵̳̕E̵͈̯͋́!
For the 2nd time that day, they fell as the ground shook with the screams inside.
They scrambled to their feet just in time to witness a terrifying sight—the manifestation of Lucifer's wrath in all its terrifying glory.
Emily's blood ran cold as she saw the scene unfolding before her, mind struggling to comprehend the Devil. The air crackled with an intensity that sent shivers down her spine, and her heart pounded with a mixture of fear and disbelief.
Michael: Lucifer—what? Why do you look like that? What did you-
She refuses to believe this is Charlie's dad.
Emily: T-t-that's the K-king of Hell?
She doesn't know why she expected Sir Pentious to be smug or even be proud that this scary being was his former King. But he wasn't. In fact, he looks just as afraid as she is.
Sir Pentious: No. It isssss not.
Lucifer: Don't worry, Mika. I won't die that easily because I'll be there to watch Heaven fall.
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Even after the King of Hell departed and the Archangel Michael fell silent, Sir Pentious and Emily remained rooted to the spot, hesitant to leave yet also unwilling to enter the room. The lingering tension in the air held them in its grip.
It was the former sinner who spoke up first.
Sir Pentious: Thissss isss our chance, Emily.
Emily: Sir Pentious, maybe we should find another person we could talk to.
Sir Pentious: Come now, little missy. We've already missed His Majesty, and we barely could find a single soul in this building! An Archangel is right there and we must seize this opportunity!
Emily: Shhhhhh! If Sir Michael hears us even near this room, I don't know how I'll tell this to Sera.
Sir Pentious: Do not shush me, young lady! I'll have you know I-
The sudden swing of the door startled both Sir Pentious and Emily, freezing them in place like deer caught in headlights. Before them stood the champion of Heaven, the head of the Archangels, the protector of her home, wearing an expression that Emily could only describe as surprised—though she was on the verge of a full-blown meltdown to really be sure.
Emily: Archangel Michael! We-uh- we can explain!
Sir Pentious: Your Heavenly Grace!
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short my ass, aldjlakla the day had been busy so sorry for the late upload!
I had help from chatgpt again to avoid any redundant words cos I am no English native haha
#hazbin lucifer#hazbin hotel#hazbin hotel lucifer#hazbin alastor#hazbin charlie#hazbin lilith#hazbin angel dust#hazbin husk#hazbin vaggie#hazbin niffty#hazbin sir pentious#hazbin emily#hazbin cherri bomb#hazbin michael#hazbin angel oc#hazbin hotel charlie#hazbin hotel alastor#hazbin hotel husk#hazbin hotel vaggie#hazbin hotel cherri bomb#hazbin hotel sir pentious#hazbin hotel niffty#hazbin hotel emily#hazbin sera#hazbin hotel sera#hazbin hotel michael#hazbin hotel angel oc#hazbin hotel oc#hazbin original character#hazbin oc
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“Look, I know you’re on his team. Process of elimination, you have to be the bug girl.” I shook my head, as much to deny it as in exasperation. What the hell, Brian? “He told me that he had powers, didn’t say what they were. Since he has powers, he thinks there’s a chance I could get ’em too. Didn’t want me to be surprised. I figured out who he was after that, saw something about some villains robbing a casino on a night he wasn’t at home, started keeping track of times he wasn’t available and it kept matching up. Called him on it, and he didn’t do a very good job at denying it.”
i love that brian thought he was going to get away with. telling her he has powers. and then expecting her to believe that the corporate job is real and the apartment is legitimately gained and he's just genuinely making this much money age 17. aisha is the world's nicest girl for not constantly dragging him for how ridiculous it is that he robs casinos and banks and shit and then comes home like No You May Not See A Movie With Friends. also it's fucked up and evil that she knew who regent was before actually meeting him and has noooo idea. she doesn't even know. she saw him on the news and did not even know. she has nooo idea. she does not even know. shes not aware. do you think she thought his costume looked stupid
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Unironically here for the tangled au I want to eat it
and so you shall feast. you have no idea how long i've been keeping this in i've wanted to talk about it so bad (it was originally gonna be a surprise fic while u all waited for finale. i thought it was gonna be 5k. it was not 5k.)
i call it the riopunzel au because rio's the rapunzel in this au. and yes he has the 70 feet of hair
why is rio rapunzel, you ask? because noir is the perfect fit for gothel. also riopunzel is a really funny pun. the pun is literally the reason this au exists in the first place. i was falling asleep one night and my brain went "hey you know what an au where rio was rapunzel would be called? riopunzel" and i went "oh my god. i have to write this down" and the rest is history
this makes ciel flynn, of course! kirarin is her real name. she's the princess of the kingdom of ichigoyama, but is currently on the run because she may or may not have stolen a certain crown
the reason she stole the crown is because she's looking for her twin brother who was kidnapped shortly after they were born. she's got this grand fantasy in her head of finally finding him and presenting him with the crown (it's her brother's. she has a matching one) and then they can all live happily ever after. mom said no we are absolutely not doing that that's too dangerous so she went Fine I'll Do It Myself and ran off. absolutely nothing is going to go wrong with this plan at all
to be fair the crown is technically her property anyways
their mom is lumiere. she's the queen, ofc. and no noir is NOT the father we are noirlumi haters in this household. i have no idea who the dad is there aren't really any canon characters i could use and i also don't want to invent an oc. so there's no dad in the picture
lumiere is understandably very protective of kirarin after losing her son, which is part of why kirarin runs off
yukari is the horse except not a horse. she's co-captain of the royal guard. lumiere sent her to track down kirarin and drag her back
akira is yukari's wife and the other co-captain. she's more of a background character but she does show up very briefly
aoi is the daughter of the noble house tategami. she plays in a street band, not that her parents know. she and ciel kinda know each other from events but never really spoke much. she only gets a cameo (sorry aoi)
himari also only gets a cameo (sorry himari) but i picture her as some sort of sweets scientist (maybe like varian from the series but with sweets instead of alchemy? and no villain arc. i haven't actually watched the show so that's all i know about him sorry if i just failed varian 101)
ichika is just a townsperson (sorry ichika)
the ciel de reve is the snuggly duckling. ciel took her alias (ciel kirahoshi, of course) from its name. it's one of her favorite places to hide out when yukari is especially hot on her trail
bibury is a server/bartender at the ciel de reve. she's a lot more well adjusted in this au! riopunzel!bibury was found and taken in by chourou around the age of 6 and got to grow up happy and healthy :)
cielbib have a situationship
chourou's granddaughter, pekorin, also helps out at the ciel de reve from time to time
chourou owns the place but since he's getting old it's pretty much bibury's tavern by now
everyone's aged up a little, the middle school gang is now 17-18 and akiyuka are 21-22. pekorin is like. 11. also everyone is human
eliso and grave are the stabbington brothers, but ciel never teamed up with them so revenge isn't a motivation. they're just in it for the money, especially grave
noir is World's Shittiest Father but what else is new
ciel's natural hair color is blonde, but she dyes it pretty regularly to disguise herself. rio's is his original civilian persona's black-blue color, but the flower makes it the pale blue color it was as julio. as in tangled canon when it's cut it reverts to that black-blue
he's referred to as julio for most of the au, because that's what noir called him. his birth name is pikario ofc
for the most part the story follows the events of the movie. it's more of an exercise in "hey wouldn't it be really funny if i put the characters in this situation"
#precure#pretty cure#kirakira precure a la mode#rio kuroki#pikario#ciel kirahoshi#yukari kotozume#akira kenjou#akiyuka#aoi tategami#himari arisugawa#ichika usami#bibury precure#cure lumiere#noir precure#chourou#pekorin#cielbib#elisio#grave precure#riopunzel au#asks#anonymous#jesus that's a lot of tags#there's no pascal character atm... i floated around ideas for ichika (as a rabbit) or pekorin (as herself)#filling that role but i wasn't fully sold on it. yukari was also a consideration then i realized she's perfect for maximus#also gravlisio are dating btw. partners in crime AND in love. it doesn't really come up in the fic but i need the world to know
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Thanks to @canadianlucifer for the ships questions :>
MORE aidlyn because I just. Need this for my mental health guys.
Actually I've been thinking about doing stuff for other ships?? But idk let me know if yall wanna see that ^_^
1. Who would ask the other "would you still love me if i was a worm?" And what would the others reaction be?
...You guys know Aiden would ask 💀 He also asks stuff like "would you love me if I was a shoe" and other bullshit. Ash just looks at him like "...what."
2. Who plans the best dates?
Depends on your definition of best. Aiden plans all the cool/exciting stuff and he actually has the money for all the stuff he wants to do with her. Ash's dates are more romantic, if only by virtue that they're in quiet places where they can be alone. Tho neither of them plan dates a lot they just kinda end up alone together lol
3. Who's the best at carnival games?
Aiden's been to a lot of carnivals and he's a good shot with a BB gun! Ash doesn't really like carnivals (overstimulating) but she's good at the fish pond and ring toss.
4. Who drags the other onto rollercoasters?
Aiden LOVESSSS rollercoasters so much, its a great way to get his adrenaline up! He'll ask Ash a lot to go on one too, but he won't force her (rollercoasters are *really* loud, especially all the people screaming, and he wouldn't make her do anything that causes her pain)
5. Who does the most chores?
Ash is pretty strict about chores, and she makes sure any household stuff is evenly split between them, but...I mean, she helps Aiden with his own chores cuz he's really bad at cleaning and stuff 🫠
6. Who gets drunk faster?
At some point in the future: Depends what you mean. Aiden has a higher tolerance but he would also drink WAAAAAY more than Ash ever would, so he would get drunker "quicker", but if they were drinking exactly the same Ash would get tipsy faster (vertically challenged struggles fr ��)
7. Who watches more reality TV?
Aiden likes all that crap like Big Brother and stuff, watches reruns at night when he can't sleep.
8. Who is more likely to insist their way is the best way, even though objectively its the worse?
Ash is more stubborn than Aiden is but her way is probably waaaay better than Aiden's way 🤡 Aiden might insist for a bit but he also finds arguing to be kinda boring so eventually he would drop it
9. Who believes in ghosts?
Ash doesn't believe in ghosts at all, and Aiden is really into the idea of ghosts and would LOVE evidence, but he also doesn't believe in them.
10. Who texts the other memes?
I don't think Ash has texted a meme to anybody in her entire life. So...Aiden.
11. Who makes the most typos/autocorrect mistakes?
Aiden because he types really fast and he doesn't bother to fix the mistakes lol
12. Who's the nervous flier?
Ash has never been on a plane, and she doesn't like doing stuff that's outside her comfort zone, so she's the more nervous flier. Aiden doesn't like flying but only because it means he needs to sit still for more than an hour and he cant do that shit happily 🤡
13. If they had matching profile pictures would they be cute/funny/weird?
Aiden would beg to match pfps because he's an absolute dork. it can't be anything too weird because like...Ash isn't into that. Would probably be smth really basic like Hello Kitty and Tuxedo Sam or whatever (he's Hello Kitty) if Ash even wanted to do it.
14. Who is better at writing formal emails?
Thank you discord for helping me settle this. We settled on Aiden because his parents/tutor definitely would have taught him how to do that so they could be in contact/to teach him about their job. Ash only does them for school and they end up really short and simple.
15. Who steals the others food?
Aiden always offers Ash his food, so she doesn't even need to steal 🤡 Aiden will do it mostly to mess with her lol
16. Who is more willing to commit murder for the other?
Lol. Guess. :)
17. When their kid is chanting "McDonalds!" Who is joining the chant, who is saying there's food at the house, and who is pulling up to order a single black coffee and leave?
Aiden is joining the chant because he's always up for McDonalds, but Ash is driving and she's driving home 😭
18. Who uses the most slang?
Aiden unironically
19. Who uses emoticons?
Aiden feels a spiritual connection with the smiley face emoticon
20. Who'd slay at the Met Gala?
Um they'd both slay 🤭 But Ash would slay harder I mean have you seen her fits??? I literally wanna steal her closet omg
#sbg#school bus graveyard#school bus graveyard webtoon#sbg (webtoon)#aidlyn#ashlyn banner#aiden clark#aiden x ashlyn
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I Might Never Come Down
Written for Hideduo Kiss week Day 3: Smol Peck. Fabio/Pablo Stardew Valley setting. Kind of an au because I always write these with the intention that the Stardew co-op setting is in Pac’s dream. Late as always. Title from Anderson Paak’s Come Down.
Content warning: weed smoking. Rated 17+
The sun is going down in Stardew Valley while he and Fabio sit on the pier of the lake near their farm, their fishing rods in hand. They’ve caught nothing but a few bits of trash in this lake, but they’re still hoping to catch something to sell tonight.
Fabio takes a hit of the joint he’d just lit. He blows out smoke
“We got some zaza!” Fabio says in a funny voice and grins as he hands Pablo the joint.
“Zaza!” Pablo parrots in the same tone as Fabio, liking the way it sounds. He takes a hit of the joint.
“Where did you get this zaza Fabio?” He says after blowing out the smoke.
“That lady that lives just over there,” he says pointing with his head toward a small house peeking out through the trees, “I think her name is Leah. She’s real into nature. I think she hugs trees.”
“I see,” Pablo says, taking another hit to push down the irritation that suddenly sprouts, “why is she giving you gifts?”
“I traded her some parsnips for it. If we get her something nicer next time she may give us a plant and we can grow it on our farm, maybe make a little money on the side.” He grins at Pablo.
“Oh, that’s a good plan Fabio.”
“Thank you.”
“I’ll give her the nice gift for next time, okay? It is Leah, right?” He says, wanting to keep this Leah from getting too comfortable with Fabio.
“Yeah,” Fabio says with a knowing look at Pablo, but all he does is reach out for the joint. Pablo hands it to him, their fingers brushing.
“Wanna see something cool?” Fabio says and doesn’t wait for an answer when he takes a longer drag of the zaza, but Pablo still answers “Yes”.
He watches Fabio as he holds the smoke in his mouth for a moment and when he opens it three rings of smoke come out. The last one is less a ring and more an almost round puff of smoke, but Pablo’s eyes still widen.
“Oh wow Fabio, that’s amazing!” Pablo compliments, “what do you call this?”
“The trick? We always just called them ‘smoke rings’. I don’t know if they have an official name.”
“Ah, smoke rings,” he says, testing the phrasing out and letting his eyes fall down to the water, “I wish I knew something cool like that.”
“I can teach you if you want,” Fabio says and Pablo looks up again and sees Fabio looking at him like he’s the one who did the cool trick.
“Really? Oh thank you Fabio. Then when I know this I can blow rings and you can blow rings-“
“We can make the rings touch,” Fabio says and laughs and Pablo laughs with him, watching the corner of his eye crinkle in the low light. The ring Fabio gave him has started to glow as the last of the sunlight peaks beneath the horizon and an idea comes to him.
“Actually Fabio, I do know something. Let me have the zaza.”
”The zaza?” Fabio says in that funny voice and hands him the maconha.
“The zaza” Pablo laughs, repeating after him, “Do you know this one? It’s, uh, I don’t know how to say. Like sharing smoke?”
Pablo breathes out with his mouth open, mimicking the trick without the smoke, and Fabio’s eyes move to his mouth then quickly looks away.
”Yeah, I know that one. We call it a shotgun.”
”Shotgun…wait a shotgun?” Pablo repeats astonished, “why do you call it a shotgun?”
“I have no idea. Maybe because it’s like smoke from a shotgun. I don’t know.”
“Would you like to do that with me? A Shotgun? Pow, right in the face!” Pablo giggles at that then realizes what he said and the giggles trail off nervously.
”Uh, yeah. That would be cool. Totally cool,” Fabio answers much to his relief and Pablo’s already taking a drag before he can say something else awkward. He leans his head closer to Fabio and Fabio meets him halfway, eyelashes falling to his cheeks and his mouth slightly parted centimeters away from Pablo’s. Pablo’s breath catches and unfortunately inhales the smoke the wrong way and he’s coughing smoke in Fabio’s face.
”Pablo are you okay? What happened?” Fabio’s concerned voice comes through as he focuses on the burn of the smoke and the utter embarrassment with how uncool that was.
”I’m okay,” Pablo says with a few more coughs.
”You sure?” Fabio’s eyes look so concerned and Pablo is considering falling into the lake.
”Yeah, I’m okay. Just hurt my pride, you know?”
”Noo, it could happen to anyone. Sometimes it just goes down wrong,” Fabio says very kindly, his free hand hovering behind his back. Pablo considers starting to cough again so Fabio would maybe try patting his back or something, but he decides against it. The sun is completely down now. They should probably just go home.
”Do you want to try it again?” Fabio asks, making Pablo turn quickly to him and Fabio looks less sure, “I mean, if you want to.”
”Yes,” Pablo says immediately, never one to turn down a second chance at something he really wants and it also makes Fabio laugh which only makes him feel bolder.
”Okay, whenever you’re ready.”
Pablo takes another drag of the zaza and Fabio moves quicker than him this time to meet in the middle. Pablo breathes out the smoke and Fabio sucks it in easily and when it runs out Pablo presses their lips together with a quick smack, sealing it with a kiss. He pulls back grinning. Fabio is smiling too and looking softly at Pablo, his face visible in his ring’s light.
”That was a cool trick.”
”You think so Fabio?”
”I do. I do think so.”
They are just staring at each other like idiots, but Pablo can’t bring himself to look away. He thinks he could look at Fabio forever, memorizing his face like he’ll never see him again, but it is getting cold and they should get out of there.
”So Fabio, I think we should go home, maybe sit by the fire, finish off the zaza.”
”Yeah, that sounds good. I can show you how to do my trick.”
”Yes and we can make the rings touch!’ Pablo jokes and Fabio laughs.
”Yeah, exactly. We can make the rings touch. Come on, let’s go home.”
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Part 17 LFT
"This is where every pirate stocks up before heading to the Grandline," Nami said standing underneath the city's sign.
"I can't wait to go shopping! I bet they have all sorts of cool things perfect for experiments!" Ussop spoke excitedly. "Tabasco sauce," Usopp kept prattling on and Nami turned him out.
"I can start stocking up on food, I should start with the non-perishables first since you said we would be here a few days," Sanji said, patting his pocket in the shape of a notebook breaking the clean lines of his suit. “Tomorrow the fresh produce and meat.”
"I wonder if they have a swordsmith here?" Zoro pondered.
Nami couldn't resist the urge to tease him. Especially since she had given him enough money to buy Sanji something. The swords could wait for tomorrow.
"With what money Zoro?" She leaned into his space with a teasing grin on her face.
“Well I'm going to find the place where they kill people!” Luffy was off, Nami rolled her eyes not bothering to stop him.
“Sanjiiii-kunnnnn~ come with me clothes shopping then you can get stuff for the ship,” Nami moved towards Sanji linking their arms together sending a wink to Zoro. “Ooo then we can stop at a Cafe for lunch.”
“Of course Nami dear!” Sanji gushed, allowing himself to be dragged along with her whims.
Was she taking advantage of him? Yes she was, she felt no qualms about it one bit. She passed by an expensive bootique that she would have fun in tomorrow without Sanji. Today was about getting info from him, for Zoro who will owe her big time for this. She loved it when people owed her.
“Oo this looks like a good one,” Nami slipped inside what looked to have cute but affordable clothes for sale. “Go pick something out for yourself I'm feeling generous,” Nami just would add to Zoro’s ever growing debt. “All you ever were are those fancy suites.”
“Oh Nami-swan you're so sweet but I'm fine I have plenty of clothes,” Sanji protested.
“Aww but Sanji-kunnnn, it's more fun to shop together and I don't have any girlfriends to shop with,” Nami said with a pout.
“Of course anything for you sweet Nami-swan,” Sanji gushed before finally complying with what she asked.
“So Sanji-kun,” Nami spoke loud enough for him to hear while she looked through the clothes. “Tell me about yourself. I hardly know anything about you.”
“Oh? Well there's nothing much to say, I'd rather hear all about you Nami-swan!” Sanji turned the question back to her.
“Aww come on Sanji-kun! You already know about me, I mean you met my village and family,” How was she supposed to gather information if Sanji was so tight-lipped about everything?
“Hmm well I am a professionally trained chef, I spent most of my life on ships. I'm not sure what else is there to say,” Nami almost groaned in frustration. The ship thing was obvious by his sea legs, his sea legs were better than hers even.
Nami spotted Usopp walking past the window with a backpack strapped to his shoulders. It didn't look like he had bought much, only just bought one thing thus far. She rushed outside and grabbed him by his backpack.
“Nami! What's going on?” Ussop whined while she drug his skinny ass into the store. She shoved him down to the ground and crouched beside him.
“I need your help,” She hissed, keeping her voice down.
“With what?” He asked.
“Zoro asked for help in wooing Sanji, I offered very generously. I might add to do some reconstituting, and find out what Sanji likes. But the man is too tight-lipped,” Nami glared in Sanji's direction.
“How about we make a game? Everyone has to answer the question,” Usopp offers.
“Hmm that's not a bad idea,” Nami pondered, it might just work. “But you're helping.”
“What are you two doing on the floor?” Nami looked up to a concerned and confused Sanji looming over them.
“Nothing,” They both answered at the same time, Sanji was now looking at Usopp with supison. Nami stood up brushing the dirt off her clothes.
“Well shall we continue shopping?” Nami spoke looking at the few clothes in Sanji's arms. “Ah you actually found something. Let me see,” She took the clothes out of his arms and held them up. One was a sleek black turtleneck and gray slacks. While he would look good in them, they weren't exactly casual. “That's it?” She asked with her brow raised. “Didn't I say casual?”
“Well it's not a suit,” Sanji had the gall to talk back though his ears were tinting from slight discomfort.
“Whatever, fine! Just go try it on!” Nami sighed and shoved him into the changing room. “Ussop can start grabbing some shirts?”
“Sure,” He ran off towards the men's clothes. Taking this moment alone with Sanji, Nami offered up their little plan.
“So Sanji-kun, we’re going to play a little game. I'll ask the questions and everyone has to answer them. It would be better with alcohol but we can try again later… Sooo first question, what's your favorite food?” Nami asked moving closer to the curtain so she could hear him moving around in there.
“Spicy seafood pasta. Nami-swan, I adore you but… is this really necessary? I'm really not that interesting unlike you my sweet,” Sanji's voice was muffled as he changed.
“I ask the questions!” She scolded him.
“Yes Nami-swan I'm sorry,” he says, unable to deny his beloved lady friend!!!
“Now what's your favorite flower,” Nami demanded. Zoro could give him a bouquet of his favorite flowers.
“Ladies first,” Sanji responded, stepping out of the changing room, just as Ussop joined them an armful of shirts.
“You're buying that, I like sunflowers,” They were so bright and cheerful, almost unpredictable in where they will show up. One year before Arlong showed up, a bunch grew in front of their house.
“What are we talking about?” Ussop asked.
“Nami-swan asked about favorite flowers,” Sanji explained before returning to the dressing room before Nami caught his arm and shoved another shirt in his hands.
“I like daisies, they grow like crazy back home, they were my moms and Kaya’s favorite flowers. I used to pick them for her and put them by her bedside every day,” the sniper replied with a gentle fade in his eyes as if he was no longer there but lost in memories.
“Delphinium. And yes, I know as a chef I should pick something editable but I can’t help what’s my favorite,” Nami had never heard of that flower but well she wasn't a florist.
“Do you like to sing?” Ussop asked.
Nami glared at him, how was that supposed to help with Zoro getting Sanji on a date?
“Yeah, I do sing, I'm no musician but yeah I do sing. I mean I was raised by a pirate since I was ten and grew up on ships. During the stormy weather the Baratie would close and we would huddle up with whatever food we have and candles. We would drink, eat and sing until the storm passed. I know way too many old sea shanties, Patty and Carne know way too many love songs. They would get way too cozy with each other and as soon as the storm passed they would slip away from alone time.” That was the most Nami had heard him say about himself ever, Sanji came out of the changing room again this time in a pink see through shirt with large strawberries on it. “Umm did you mean to get this shirt for me?” She could see all the marks that Zoro had left on Sanji's skin.
“Yes, you are also getting that shirt!” Nami wasn't sure if she had enough information but she supposed that this would have to do.
#one piece#sanji#black leg sanji#fanfic#vinsmoke sanji#zoro x sanji#nami#ussop#shopping#lust filled thoughts
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Modern au what jobs I think the straw has would have became Oda picked some really stupid jobs
Robin Historian or archeologist
Franky mechanic
Sanji still a cook
Nami meteorologist or weather woman
Brook musician
Chopper doctor
Usopp botanist
Jinbe still a helmsman
Luffy boxer
Zoro body Guard or someone who works in security 
I can concur - the jobs given were a bit odd. I'm gonna share my own takes and expand on these
Robin's a historian and archaeologist, she may spend some years as an anthropology and archeology professor, she's always taking night school or online school to learn more tho, she's got like 7-8 degrees before she hits 30, she uses her knowledge of criminology to freak people out
Franky is Definitely a mechanic and he's got Weird ideas but they're all awesome and Robin's got the most decked out car because Franky loves her
Sanji is the sous chef at his dad's resturaunt and used to live above it but then moved in with Usopp when he wanted a bit more independance. Now he works at a different fancy resturaunt which is second best in the country only to his dad's resturaunt (for now). He would be head chef but he wants the freedom to take vacations so the head chef just let's him do what he wants
Nami is a meteorologist!!! A damned good one too, and she helps Nojiko at the orchard every other weekend, usually dragging the whole crew with her for free labor. Sometimes she subs for the weather person for fun, but not regularly
Brook is a famous musician, he's like Elton John famous, he met Jimbe in a brief-turned-year-long stint as a drag lounge singer and they're married now.
Chopper is 17 now he's still in med school (graduated highschool at 14) but he's gonna be a general practitioner with a minor in pharmacology when he gets into the workforce.
Usopp has multiple sources of income he works in a college greenhouse but he also works as a biology/botany TA and makes little tools and art on the side for his small online business called 'Usopp's Market'. Also Yasopp sends him a lot of money assuming Usopp is a broke college kid like he was and funds Usopp's giant apartment
Jimbe is still a helmsman! He's worked at the same dock since he was 16, he's the heart and soul of the small shipping company. For his 35th birthday his buddies took him to a drag lounge where he met his husband, so he started visiting every day after work even though he was the only person in that bar in a raincoat, stone sober and looking at the entertainment like he hung the moon and the stars
Luffy's had a bunch of odd jobs, his resume could be 6 pages long, he works where he wants to and his charisma let's him get away with it before he quits and moves to something else. Garp tried to forcibly enlist him but Luffy's heart condition means he can't. Luffy sees this as an absolute win. Usually Luffy just does grunt work, he'll never be rich but he meets a lot of people
Zoro has trouble finding work. Literally. He forgets where he works. Luffy is a godsend, Zoro just works wherever Luffy works, and they walk together. Zoro's had better luck with the 3-month at a time jobs with Luffy than he ever had with previous jobs he would have been fine to work years in
#one piece#modern au#Can you tell I have a sitcom-like au half-baked in the corner of my Google drive?#I mean don't get me wrong Firefighter Luffy is Hot but firefighters have structure and Luffy thinks structures are made to be broken#frobin#jimbrook
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I had some idea of posting a chapter a week but let’s face it - I’m just too impatient for such a thing. So here is the second chapter of my current WIP that is everything I live and breathe at the moment.
Read it from the beginning here.
Or jump straight to chapter two.
A little sneak peak below the cut:
Remus brought his lighter out the moment he stepped through the door onto busy Ravenclaw Road, his other hand digging through his pocket for his pack of cigarettes. He fished one out to put between his lips, raising his hand to light it but then something stopped him. He remembered a spell he had performed once, a small flare of fire from the tip of his wand.
He was in the middle of Ravenclaw Road, he could use it. No-one would look at him funny for doing magic, no-one would even have to know that he barely used it. He could still feel the magic clinging to him, buzzing underneath his skin, making the hair at the back of his neck stand up from the mere presence of it.
He felt his wand in his pocket, heavy, his free hand coming down to close around it. The wood felt warm against his fingers, practically vibrating with the unused magic around it. Someone walked into him then, a nudge against his shoulder and a rushed apology before the witch hurried on past, and Remus didn’t understand how she could see anything behind the mountain of packages she was carrying.
That nudge was all it took though, his hand snatching away from his pocket and he lit up with his trusted lighter instead. There was so much magic in the air, so much of it pent up inside of him, that attempting something involving fire didn’t feel safe. He ignored the twist in his belly, taking a deep drag from the cigarette.
The evening wasn’t that bad yet, even though Remus still had his doubts. Marlene and Dorcas were okay, but he hadn’t been close enough to actually talk to them. Instead he’d been stuck on the edge with their friend, some posh English lad that clearly thought he was not only the centre of the group but the whole place. Remus hadn’t missed the shock on his face as he admitted to his Muggle job. He hadn’t said anything outright but he didn’t have to, the tone of his voice had said it all.
He worked at UNICORNS, and Remus was unfortunately very familiar with the centre. When Remus was younger, his Da had taken him to the Ministry for the annual meetings with the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures and after he turned 17 he had gone on his own. However, for the last few years he’d been able to have those meetings at the centre. They had expanded their research into werewolves and were only too happy to gather as much information as they could.
The meetings set Remus’ teeth on edge and he was always in a foul mood before and after, or so Mary told him, and simply talking about the centre was enough to get a rise out of him. He took one last drag from the fag before he flicked the butt of it away, exhaling sharply. He briefly pondered about lighting another one but he knew he needed to get back eventually and the sooner he did, the sooner he could leave.
He pushed the door to the pub open again, the place being even more packed now than it had been moments before. The sound was like a wall, wizards and witches sitting and standing everywhere, and Remus could already feel himself getting overwhelmed by everything. He really wasn’t used to being out among people like this, or around magic like this.
He made his way through the crowd, stopping at the bar to order himself another lager. He dug around for some money and there was a sinking feeling in his stomach as he stared at the unfamiliar coins for a moment. He desperately tried to remember how many sickles made up a pound and what the hell knuts and galleons were good for but the panic made him lock up completely.
He could feel the man behind the bar staring at him, impatiently, snorting as Remus took the safest way out and dropped the only galleon he had into his waiting hand. He could hear the grumble as the man went to get change, his cheeks burning with it. He felt as if everyone was staring at him, could sense how awkward he was, even though the logical part of his brain knew it was mostly in his head.
He accepted the change and grabbed his pint, taking a steadying gulp before he made his way back to their table. Mary looked so happy, squished in between Dorcas and Marlene, her eyes shining as she threw her head back and laughed at something the man sitting opposite them (James, Remus vaguely remembered) said. He felt something unlock slightly in his chest at the sound of it, forcing himself to take a deep breath.
Their eyes met briefly, her brows raised in a silent question and he forced himself to smile but by the way she gave a faint frown he thought it was more like a grimace. He shook his head quickly, pulling his chair back out as he sat down again. Mary was clearly enjoying herself and he wasn’t going to ruin that with his own bad mood. He could do this. For her.
Sirius was half turned away from him now, talking animatedly to the man sitting on his other side. They looked so much alike they must be brothers, but where Sirius’ hair was long and sleek, collected into a bun on top of his head, his wand thread through it to keep it in place, the other man’s hair was cropped shorter with curls falling around his face. Where the brother was pale, Sirius was more tanned, broader over the shoulders and even though Remus definitely wasn’t looking he could see the muscles flex in his arms as he waved his hands around to prove some kind of point. They both had the same high cheekbones, grey eyes, sharp jaw and ridiculously posh English accent though.
Remus picked up his pint again, taking a smaller sip this time as he didn’t want to rush through it just because he was bored, but he’d barely raised it to his mouth before Sirius threw his arm out. Remus could see what was going to happen before it did and yet he was powerless to stop it. Sirius’ arm hit his own with force, the glass slipping from his hand and hitting the floor with a crash. Beer soaked into his shirt and jeans, pooling underneath him with shards of glass.
Continue reading on AO3.
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Thought I’d post a thing I wrote a while ago.
This is just a short part of a DSMP fanfic I was writing. Though. If I ever get enough motivation to write more of it I may actually post it on AO3
( read below cut to see more )
“But is that really what you want ?” Techno said. Voice calm but slicing through the once lively conversation. It had been the first time techno had spoken up during the 3 hours everyone had been sitting there talking. Quackity turned from his spot to look over at him. Spinning his whole body on the stool he sat on to face him. “What do you know about it?” The man questioned. Giving techno a look that could have made him feel intimidated. If the one giving him it wasn’t a 5’4 shaggy black haired 17 year old.
Wilbur rolled his eyes. “Shut up Alexis. “. He turned to face techno as well however. Giving him a more skeptical look “what do you mean?”
“I mean do you really think you going on this tour is going to make you as happy as you think it will?” He questioned. Shifting in his seat to sit up slightly as he locked eyes with Wilbur
“You’ve never left this city for longer then a weak. And 3 months? That’s a long time will”
“It’ll be good techno! C’mon! You’ve got to see that. People here. And online love my work. If I go on this tour. It’ll skyrocket everything. The amount of money I’m going to make is going to help everyone. Not just me but think about dad. He’ll obviously need some kind of help how old he’s getting “ Wilbur finished with a grin. But his eyes full of nothing but true belief that what he said was true. But techno knew Wilbur better than that.
“And Sally. I mean. She already thinks it’s going to be a good idea”
“You really think leaving Sally now is a good idea?” Techno asked. And at this. A strange silence fell over everything. Wilbur froze. But techno stopped there. Even he was above ruining his brother in front of all his friends.
“I just think your brother hates good music” Jack joined in. Scoffing over at techno as he elbowed Wilbur
“Will your leaving everything behind. Going on a tour with only the least bit of experience. I think dad was right anyways “
“Right? What was he right about techno? Right about me being a failure?”
“Don’t do that. You know that’s not what I meant. “
“Oh shut up. You always mean what you say-“
“And that’s where we’re taking a break. Q go take Wilbur and got lunch please” Ranboo chimed in. Earning a good almost slap from quackity for making him go do manual labor but he stood up anyway
“C’mon soot. Let’s go get Burger King”
“We are not getting Burger King. “
“But that’s the closest” he wined.
“But one does not just get quality without work Alex”
“That’s not my name” he huffed as Wilbur swung his arm around him and started dragging him towards the door
“Don’t care”
The two left jacks basement still arguing. And techno sighed. Rubbing his temples with his fingers. The only ones left in the room now being Jack. Foolish. Ranboo. And a dog called Fundy. Wilbur’s self proclaimed child. Which. In reality. Was a stray puppy Will couldn’t convince Phil to let him keep. So. As a group. Wills small band had taken it in and let it live in jack’s basement. When he fully agreed. According to Wilbur. And totally wasn’t forced into the arrangement.
Ranboo got Jack to help him reconfigure the main speakers they used. techno glanced back up. Just to see the blond. Tall. And somehow youngest of the group. Foolish. Staring down at him. Bright green curious eyes met technos own dark brownish red.
Foolish without a word slumped down onto the chair next to his own “so. what’s with you and will?”
“What?”
“Techno. For all the years I’ve known your family. I’ve never seen you and Wilbur like. Whatever the hell that was” foolish said. And techno glanced away.
“I’ve seen you two argue sure. I remember last Christmas where you actually tackled him for those Pj pants. “
“Those were special” techno argued. Foolish rolled his eyes. And went on.
“Did will and Sally fight again?”
“What?”
“I mean the last time they did he got all pouty. “
“I- no. They didn’t fight” techno said. But thinking back to sally. He felt a pang.
“Phil didn’t actually say he was a failure right?”
“Foolish. “ techno snipped. And foolish’s mouth closed with a click.
“Look. I just don’t think Will should be rushing into something so big. “
“He does that a lot. “
“Exactly “
“But. C’mon techno even you have to be proud of him. Us. I mean come on! A tour we got offered a tour! That’s big. Like. Really big. “
“So you’re all just ready to leave everything behind?”
“Hey. As much as I love Q and his families diner, That’s like. The only cool place around here that holds any sentimental value to me. And I mean. It’s only 3 months. It’s not like we’re not coming back. “
“But after one tour. Then there’s another. “
“I think you’re just gonna miss us. “ foolish grinned. But stopped when technos face didn’t even shift from cool nothing.
“A second tour is a big. Maybe. A hopeful maybe sure but. Still a maybe. “ foolish stood up again.
“Il sure Will knows that too”
For Wilbur’s sake. He hoped he did.
About 40 minutes went by when duo of absolute chaos returned arms full of bags of food and shouting at each other about someone having run over a traffic cone. Any signs of the small argument from Wilbur and techno were gone completely when they all started eating. Taco Bell apparently.
#dsmp#writblr#original writing#my writing#writing#creative writing#this is the first time I’ve ever my writing Augh.
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Hey so l was thinking about smth how about reader coming to toman’s meeting places to pick up her big bro and randomly her big bro says “let's bet l’ll give you 10$ if you kiss someone n here” and ofc bc of the money reader agrees to do it can you include mikey, mitsuya hakkai and smiley? Thank you <3
%% KISS KISS FALL IN LOVE /HJ #!!
characters ; Mikey, Mitsuya, Hakkai, Smiley
a/n ; sorry if this is short T_T characters aged up to 17~18, reader would be 16~17, i'll write this in one shots? yeah sorry for short post
situation ;
you were the little sis of lets say Baji since he's the only person i can see doing this just for fun and just to mess with his fellow Toman members *evil laugh* you came to drag him home because you were tired of your mother nagging how your older brother keep sneaking out at night and she's tired of the noises he made when he came home mama Baji need her beauty sleep ಠಗಠ
once you arrived ( you can choose how you go to Toman meeting place either walk or by vehicle ) you stomp your way to Baji who is talking then he look at you quite shocked causing you to laugh "suprise im tired of our mother nagging about you now its time to go home" you said trying to drag him but stopped by your own brother "come on im a grown up man!" he said as he watch Mikey dismissing others Toman members leaving only the captain and vice captain of each division you roll your eyes ignoring his latest statement
"grown up man my ass" you mumble then Baji let out a chuckle on how tired your expression is a little mischievous idea pop out in his mind he knew certain member of Toman have a crush on you and vice versa and they were afraid to confess to you he grin with his usual signature canine poking out he lean to your ears
"lets make a bet—" you slapped his face away "i wanna go home no bet! jesus christ" you groan he glare at you flicking your forehead
"come on you just have to kiss one of the guy here and i'll go home with you and give you 10—" you cut him off again "20" "no 10" "15" "deal, i'll give you 15$" he said you nodded before looking around before you choose the certain person
%% MIKEY #!/
as soon as Mikey heard the bet he silently praying that you would kiss him instead of any other members why? well man have crush on you m—a big fat crush— and Baji being a good bestfriend he is think this would be a great idea as in Baji's word "i know my sister very well and she would only kiss someone she like— actually i heard it when she was talking with her friend"
deep in his thoughts Mikey suddenly feel his jacket being tucked as his lips meet your soft lips his eyes widened not having any time to react you broke the kiss Baji laugh at his red faced bestfriend before handing you the money
"why me?" he ask himself more questions pop in his mind "because i like you" you said eyes widened when you realise what you just said you feel your face heat up and start to cover it with your palm causing Baji to laugh even more followed by the others member some of them howling with laughter—the founding member—while some let out a tiny chuckled
"finally!" Mitsuya clap his hand together while Baji let you and Mikey have a little talk to sort out your feelings and make it official
%% MITSUYA #!/
you can only think one people in your mind, Mitsuya Takashi, since you were closer to him more than other members and well you might or might not have a crush on him and this is a good opportunity to find if he actually like you or not, and money
you walk toward Mitsuya cupping his face "may i?" you ask he nodded unconsciously actually he dont know what happened because the next he know you were kissing him!
he immediately return the kiss as he wrap his arm around your waist your hand slither behind his neck time pass by Baji clear his throat making you turn back to reality and broke the kiss
"i said kiss not making out" he cough red faced not expecting the both of you to fully kissing infront of them anyways you got your money and Mitsuya take you on the date
%% HAKKAI #!/
its canon Hakkai stop functioning when he's with a girl he's not close like Yuzuha and its took him years to communicate properly with Hina
so if he's crushing on someone he would probably be that type that crushing from the far and will never approach you unless you made the first move, but he would stop functioning and maybe blew a fuse
Hakkai freeze when he feel your lips on his lips he blink as everyone was laughing sure enough he blew a fuse when you pull away and took a look at him damn man was red faced and freeze
Mitsuya and Yuzuha laugh the most while congratulating Hakkai for giving his first kiss to his crush that when everyone went silent Hakkai sure he was about to cry when you tell him you like him back
when he can move he hide behind Mitsuya and Yuzuha shying away from you causing you to laugh from how adorable he is
%% SMILEY #!/
Smiley look at you with his usual smile when he saw you walk toward him he was sure what would happen next so he prepare himself when you stop infront of him and ask if you can kiss him with a little deal you would share the money he nod—tbh he died care about the money he just want to kiss you—
and boom the both of you having a heavy make out session Smiley smirking into the kiss when he heard Baji spurting out curses telling the both of you to break it off
when you pull away Smiley have his arm wrapped around your waist whispering into your ears how good the kiss was and asking you for a date which you agreed
©dasomlimie ; any re-uploading are not allowed w/out my permission
#tokyo revengers#tokyo revengers headcanons#tokyo revengers x reader#mikey fluff#mikey x reader#tokyo manji gang#tokyo revengers fluff#mitsuya takashi#mitsuya fluff#mitsuya takashi x reader#tokyo revengers hakkai#hakkai x reader#smiley x reader#nahoya x reader#nahoya kawata#hakkai shiba
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BnHA Chapter 324: Is There a Force Field Around Him??
Previously on BnHA: Flashback!Rat Principal was all “please tell Midoriya that I spent a concerningly small amount of money upgrading U.A. into a wacky physics-defying funtime grid so as to make the final battle much more confusing for everyone.” Present Day!Mic (or Present!Mic, if you will) and Jeanist were all “if only somebody could deescalate this dangerously unhinged mob, we’ve tried nothing and we’re all out of ideas.” Ochako was all “LISTEN UP PEOPLE.” The mob was all, “god??” Ochako was all, “NO, IT’S ME, OCHAKO. I’M REALLY HIGH UP ON THIS BUILDING AND THE VISIBILITY IS LOW DUE TO THE RAIN, SO I CAN SEE HOW YOU MIGHT MAKE THAT MISTAKE. ANYWAYS, DEKU WAS OUT THERE RISKING HIS LIFE FOR YOU CLOWNS EVEN THOUGH HE’S JUST A KID, SO I WOULD REALLY APPRECIATE IF YOU COULD ALL REMEMBER HOW TO BE DECENT HUMAN BEINGS, THANKS.” Let’s see if her Big Scolding Energy has any impact.
Today on BnHA: Horikoshi is all “so I have this speech planned out, and it’s really good, but it also only really needs about 6 to 8 pages, but I’m gonna see if I can stretch it out to 17 pages so I can kill time before we get to the next volume cliffhanger two weeks from now.” Anyway but it really is a good speech though. There are feels, and tears, and more talk about how Deku is so in need of a shower that just looking at him requires a tetanus booster, and more feels, and more tears, and bonus ship drama, and an iconic callback to the very first chapter which reframes the entire series in a new context in a totally epic and moving way, and it’s all very good. Except that Horikoshi is determined to never let anyone actually give this kid a hug. Who hurt you, dude.
omg we are opening on a callback to chapter 212, a.k.a. the chapter with by far the cutest flashback that doesn’t involve any baby Todorokis
baby Ochako is lethally cute. she could literally murder someone with her cuteness. I just want to scoop her up and play airplane with her until she accidentally activates her quirk while we’re spinning around and we both helicopter up into the air never to be seen again
“a child’s insistence” huh well that’s all well and good, but I sure hope this doesn’t mean we’re going to drag out the whole “sternly lecture the obnoxious citizens” plot for another whole chapter. no offense but I think we’re good
so page 2 is just continuing the whole happy/worried faces monologue, which of course is very important to Ochako’s character as it provides the context for why “who protects the heroes” ended up becoming her thing. and this is making me think we actually are in for a whole second chapter of this sob. when will my boy finally get to rest
OH MY GOD SUDDENLY THESE PEOPLE HAVE EYES IMAGINE THAT
HORIKOSHI: [reaches for a box of tissues while tearfully penning an homage to his beloved Spider-Man 2, specifically the train scene where the crowd sees Peter without his mask and they suddenly realize just how young he is]
HORIKOSHI’S HOMAGE SCENE: “COME TO THINK OF IT, I GUESS IT WAS KIND OF MEAN FOR US TO PICK ON THIS TEN YEAR OLD KID WHO WEIGHS 75 POUNDS AND LOOKS LIKE HE LOST A FIGHT WITH SATAN’S MOLDY OLD BASEMENT”
lol at this one guy who can feel the mood of the crowd shifting and is all “WAIT, NO, I WANTED TO KEEP BEING AN ASSHOLE DAMMIT”
as many pointed out last week, this man is wearing an All Might shirt. that’s some fantastic irony there
-- SDKFJWIGKS
“LITTLE GIRL, I HOPE YOU’RE NOT SUGGESTING THAT WE SHOULD ALL BE WALKING AROUND DRESSED LIKE A SOVIET-ERA BUS STOP.” heh. last week I said I was ashamed of BnHA being my favorite manga. that was a lie, actually
(ETA: in the original Japanese Ochako’s next two lines are basically “the only ones covered in mud will be us heroes!” followed by “please give us some time to get rid of the mud”, with that second line basically being the single funniest thing I’ve ever read rdslkjl. Ochako thank you so much for supporting my running gags. “YEAH WE KNOW HE’S DIRTY. WE ARE GONNA TRY AND CLEAN HIM UP, BUT IT MAY TAKE A WHILE, I’M JUST SAYING. I MEAN LOOK AT HIM. HE LOOKS LIKE AN ASBESTOS COSPLAY.”)
doesn’t the megaphone kind of look ever so slightly like an axe that she’s wielding maniacally here
easy there Lizzie Borden
also that’s a really bold claim to make there. and not one she necessarily should have to make, either. but as we all know, there’s nothing that shounen manga likes more than having its heroes bravely hoist heavy burdens of responsibility like good self-sacrificing citizens
p.s. lowkey loving how Kacchan is positioned here standing slightly behind Deku. not presuming to stand in front of him all overprotectively (because he would hate if anyone ever did that to him), and kind of being unobtrusive and letting others take center stage -- but still being close enough to Deku that he can catch him if he stumbles or passes out again
(ETA: or maybe not lmao.
DEKU: [falls to his knees]
KACCHAN: [glancing up from his phone a few minutes later] “someone just sent me the stupidest meme about milk crates -- oh. uh. you good...?”
really, son. “the burdens you can’t carry, we’ll carry them for you. ...later, I mean. right now it’s late, and we’re all cold and wet.”)
also lowkey loving this OchaTsu moment here
I was going back and binging Ochako chapters this past week for reasons, and I gotta say it really stuck out to me just how often these two are paired with each other. they do everything together. it’s a really sweet friendship that often goes unappreciated but it’s very cute
meanwhile, not to be outdone by the OchaTsu, Iida is staring at Ochako with open admiration talking about how she’s fighting too. it’s been so long since we’ve had any IidaRaka you guys. I was starving and I didn’t even know it
oh my lord IT’S FINALLY HAPPENING
THE LIGHT IS BACK. he finally looks like him again. what a cathartic fucking moment omg
ffklkdw
“I KNOW YOU ARE ALL SCARED, BUT THE GOOD NEWS IS, WE DEFINITELY CANNOT GUARANTEE YOUR SAFETY AND WE ARE ALL SCARED TOO!” good pep talk there kiddo
BUT, jokes aside, truth be told this is the exact right approach to take imo, and something that’s long overdue. I’ve said this before, but this new generation of heroes is shaping up to be much more transparent than the All Might generation. they’re basically abandoning the almighty, untouchable Superman “heroes as gods” concept in favor of the more nuanced “heroes as people” concept instead. and that’s a good thing. seeing their heroes as humans, with human limitations and weaknesses and flaws, will hopefully not only lead to more scrutiny and accountability, but also more awareness of how hard some of them are working and how much they’re sacrificing. that’s something All Might never quite grasped back at the start of the series -- that the weak, vulnerable, injured him could be just as inspiring as the mighty, invincible him -- perhaps even more so. there’s a power in seeing otherwise ordinary people show extraordinary bravery and compassion. it inspires others to try and do the same
SSDLHK AIZAWA SIGHTING AAHHHHHH
so he was still back at the hospital this whole time?? smdh at this disrespect. that feeling when your sexy self-insert character’s powers of rationality are too strong, and so you have to nerf him so that he doesn’t ruin your Deku Angst arc twice over by (1) immediately talking some sense into Deku and making him come home Right This Instant Young Man, and (2) not allowing him to leave U.A. in the first fucking place. excuse me, you want to do WHAT now, Midoriya?? that’s it, go to your room
also living for Katsuki and Hawks’s soft expressions. Shouto’s too, although his is tinier and harder to see. and Jeanist’s 12-foot-long neck. imagine Jeanist’s head with Mic’s hair. maybe Jeanist had a mohawk back in the day and that’s why U.A.’s doors are so big now
speaking of soft faces, Enji’s is also excellent
what could this random close-up possibly imply?? hell if I know. but Horikoshi truly fears no discourse and that’s what I love about him
OMGGGG
“smh my child is so dumb.” poor Ochadad. your child is cute af count your blessings
SDOFFHSMH
I’m telling you guys. lethally, catastrophically cute
this speech is still ongoing lol. Horikoshi you’re doing so good but I think we get the point now my dude. you gotta learn how to transition out of these things
UNEXPECTED TOGA WHAT
“there we go” Horikoshi says, crossing off the last line on his list of Ochako ships. “that’s all of ‘em”
poor Ochako is just repeating the same “LET HIM REST, PLEASE, WITH EVERYONE’S COOPERATION, IF YOU DON’T MIND, WE APPRECIATE IT” talking points over and over again hoping someone will throw her a bone and acknowledge her already. SOMEONE PLEASE HELP HER
literally they’re all just staring up at her silently omg. work with me people!!
now she’s saying it for the 56th time but more dramatically all of a sudden
they got so dramatic that for a minute I thought she had suddenly leaped off the building or something
look, not to rush you or anything Horikoshi, but I’m starting to get the feeling that this is yet another one of those “the volume is ending soon so I need to either hurry things up or slow things down in order to make sure we end it on my perfect cliffhanger ending” chapters where you go to ridiculous lengths to drag things out much to the exasperation of your week-to-week readers
(ETA: ftr, volume 31 ended on chapter 306, and I’m predicting that vol. 32 will end with chapter 316 (a.k.a. “you’re next!” [explodes]). I’m guessing vol. 33 will follow suit and likely end on chapter 326, so keep your eyes peeled for a big cliffhanger in two weeks’ time. Deku’s dad?? All Might in peril?? U.A. traitor at long fucking last?? we shall see.)
is Deku straight up falling in love with Ochako right on the spot lol what is happening
I know I just said that I enjoy when Horikoshi gives zero fucks about discourse, but shipping discourse is a whole different beast lol. I hope he’s prepared
(ETA: and for the record, I have no interest in shipping discourse either, as always. and I think this scene can be interpreted as platonic, tbh, with the context being that Ochako was literally introduced as someone who was willing to help him so casually without a second thought, and now here she is saving him again.
I don’t think it really fully hit Deku until this moment how much he needed saving. like I said in another meta somewhere, selflessness is basically just selfishness on behalf of others. and Deku is selfless to a fault, but that’s okay, and it doesn’t mean he needs to change -- he just needs friends who are willing to be be selfish on his behalf in turn. and I think the full emotion of what it means to have friends like that just hit him at last. everything his friends have done for him, how much he needed it and didn’t even realize, and how grateful he is. anyways what a terrible day for rain.)
-- son of a --
is he apologizing?? or pleading?? please tell me that’s not the case, because what the actual fuck. Deku you beautiful precious radiant selfless child, this is the exact opposite of how this should be. all these motherfuckers should be on their knees apologizing to you
DEKU WHY
I DIDN’T ASK FOR THIS FREAKING BOMBARDMENT OF EMOTIONS GODDAMIT. OUT HERE ARMED WITH YOUR FREAKING TREBUCHET OF FEELS TO LAUNCH AT ME UNPROVOKED. WHAT’S WITH THAT
FREAKING CHRIST. THIS BOY IS CRYING HIS EYES OUT AND HORIKOSHI IS JUST ZOOMING IN WITH THE CAMERA, LIKE CAN WE JUST CUT HIM A BREAK ALREADY. ENOUGH OF THIS. HE’S SO YOUNG AND HE TRIES SO HARD AND I JUST NEED HIM TO FEEL SAFE, HORIKOSHI PLEASE CAN YOU JUST GIVE ME THAT ALREADY WHAT IS THE FREAKING HOLD UP!!
GIGANTIC FOX LADY!!!
GIGANTIC FOX LADY PLEASE BE MY HUGGER BY PROXY!! SERIOUSLY GIRL IF YOU JUST HOLD YOUR UMBRELLA OVER HIM OR SOMETHING AND DON’T GO THE EXTRA MILE I’M ABOUT TO LODGE AN OFFICIAL COMPLAINT. THIS IS GETTING RIDICULOUS NOW
!!!!
A KOUTA IS GOOD TOO!!! oh my god if Kouta hugs him I will seriously 100% straight up cry. go on and test me
FOR THE LOVE OF --
is this man expressly forbidden from drawing hugs in his contract or something. DO YOU DO IT JUST TO SPITE ME?? this is tyranny, sir
AND I KNOW, THIS PAGE ACTUALLY CHALLENGED THE VERY PREMISE OF THE SERIES ITSELF, AND HERE I AM COMPLAINING ABOUT HUGS, OR THE LACK THEREOF. “this is the story of how we all became the greatest heroes.” and just like that, he waves a polite middle finger at all of the Strongest Greatest Chosen One shounen protags of old, in favor of something much less conventional, much more interesting, and much more suited to Deku’s character. because if that one sentence doesn’t just sum up Deku to a T. he gladly relinquishes his Greatest Hero status in favor of acknowledging the hero in everyone. what a class act. that’s my protagonist
I love this kid so fucking much I swear. only just PLEASE. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD. GIVE HIM HIS HUG
#bnha 324#uraraka ochako#midoriya izuku#bnha#boku no hero academia#bnha spoilers#mha spoilers#bnha manga spoilers#makeste reads bnha
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The doctrine of dynastic wealth
The biggest news story of the moment Propublica's reporting on the Secret IRS Files, a trove of leaked tax data on the wealthiest people in America that show that they pay effectively no tax, through perfectly legal means.
https://pluralistic.net/2021/06/15/guillotines-and-taxes/#carried-interest
The Bootlicker-Industrial Complex has completely missed the point of this reporting and its followup, like the revelation that an ultrarich candidate for Manhattan DA was able to pay no tax in many years where her family booked millions in revenue.
https://pluralistic.net/2021/06/17/quis-custodiet-irs/#trumps-taxes
The apologists for super-rich tax-evaders lean heavily on the fact that America has a tax-code that substantially reduces the spending power (and thus political power) of people who work for a living, while enhancing the wealth of those who own things for a living.
The rich are obeying the law, so there is nothing wrong here. But what Propublica documented is that America has a different set of laws for the super-rich than for the merely rich, and that these laws are in a wholly different universe from the laws for the rest of us.
It's another example of America's unequal justice system - a subject that includes long prison sentences for crack possession and wrist-slaps for powder cocaine, long jail terms created by the cash bail system, and a host of other race- and class-based inequities.
It's more proof, in other words, that America isn't a republic where we are all equal before the law, but rather a caste system where inherited privileges determine how the law binds you, how it punishes you and how it protects you.
One person well-poised to describe how this system perpetuates itself is Abigail Disney, granddaughter of Roy Disney and great-niece of Walt Disney, inheritor of a vast family fortune shielded from tax by a generation-skipping trust contrived solely to avoid taxation.
Writing in The Atlantic, the heiress describes how she was inducted and indoctrinated into the system of American dynastic wealth, surrounded by brilliant accountants who treated their exotic financial vehicles as completely ordinary.
https://www.theatlantic.com/ideas/archive/2021/06/abigail-disney-rich-protect-dynastic-wealth-propublica-tax/619212/
Personally, these financial enablers were "decent, good, kind men," and they gave Disney 40 years' worth of gospel about protecting the capital, growing it, and passing it on to the next generation.
As a credible 21 year old, Disney had no frame of reference. The creation of a dynastic, ever-growing fortune through legal but frankly bizarre accounting fictions was treated as normal.
To the extent that these tactics raised any doubts, they were addressed through doctrine: the idea that government bureaucrats can't be trusted to spend money wisely.
Disney doesn't say this, but a common trope in these discussions is that the government is ever tempted to give money to poor people, and must be protected from this impulse.
This racism and classism are dressed up as "meritocracy" - the tautology that the rich are worthy, the worthy are rich, and anyone who isn't rich is therefore unworthy.
In the first generation, this doctrine is merely sociopathic, but when passed on to a new generation, it is eugenic. Walt and Roy demonstrated their worth by founding a studio and navigating it through the challenges of the market, and that is why the market made them rich.
But their children - and grandchildren - didn't get their wealth by founding or running a studio. They got their wealth by emerging from the correct orifice. If their wealth is deserved, those deserts are a matter of blood, not toil.
In other words, they were born to be rich, not just as a matter of sound tax planning, but as a matter of genetic destiny. They are part of a hereditary meritocracy.
https://pluralistic.net/2021/02/13/data-protection-without-monopoly/#inequality
Disney describes what it's like to be indoctrinated into the hereditary meritocracy: her family told her that the appearance of philanthropy is good, but actually giving money to poor people is a foolish enterprise, "unseemly and performative."
And they urged her to marry her own class, "to save yourself from the complexity and conflict that come with a broad gulf in income, assets, and, therefore, power." Power should be in the hands of "successful" people, because they know how to wield it.
Accept this ideology and you will be showered with wonderful gifts: like private jet trips, which quickly become necessities ("once you’ve flown private, wild horses will never drag you through a public airport terminal again").
It's a subject that is well-documented in Mike Mechanic's 2021 book JACKPOT, on the daily lives, dysfunctions, and above all, ideology of the super-rich:
https://pluralistic.net/2021/04/13/public-interest-pharma/#affluenza
As to the seductiveness of the ideology, I had my own experience with the "decent, good, kind" professionals of the finance sector. When I moved to London in 2003, I opened a checking account at Barclays, a giant high-street bank.
I quickly discovered that part of Barclays' legendary profitability came from understaffing its branches; when I had to see a teller, I could end up waiting in line for an hour.
When I complained about this, a teller told me that for a nominal annual sum, I could get a "premier" account that came with a host of benefits, including priority tellers. I signed up and was inducted into the premiership by my branch manager.
He asked me if I needed any help with tax preparation, and boy did I ever. I was filing tax returns in Canada, the US, California, and the UK - it was a mess: not just expensive but confusing, and I couldn't make heads or tails of the paperwork.
A week later, a very smartly turned out Barclays "tax specialist" came by the academic research center where I'd borrowed a desk to meet with me. She was wildly excited to discover that I was on a work visa and not a UK citizen.
She told me that this made me eligible to become a "non-dom" - someone living in the UK, but not "domiciled" there - and therefore not subject to any tax at all.
She laid out a whole plan for me: I could establish residence in one of the Channel Islands (Jersey, I think?), incorporate a shell company there, and continue to get free health care from the NHS, use the public roads, etc - all without paying a penny to HM Exchequer.
And when I was ready to buy a house, the whole thing would only get better: I could buy it through the shell company, reverse-mortgage it, rent it to myself, take fabulous deductions on the way, and pass it on tax-free by transfering the shell company rather than the house.
It was dizzying, and I kept asking her to go back and explain it again. She assured me that it was legal and normal, what every non-Briton living in the UK should do, and really poured the pressure on.
It was weirdly spellbinding, like a wizard was demonstrating an interdimensional portal to me and asking if I wanted to go through it to a magical land - a magical land that "everyone else" was already visiting on the reg.
I told her I'd think about it. Five minutes after she left the office, I snapped out of the trance. I never called her back. I figured out my UK taxes.
But today, reading Disney's account of having reasonable-seeming, friendly experts tell you something bizarre and indefensible is normal, I was powerfully reminded of my own brush with the dynasty-creation industry.
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