#she is a horrible an terrible and genuinely disgusting person

[just-j-really]

Unsoulmates, part three!

[Part One] [Part Two]

It becomes a tradition, after that. Morpheus and Hob will meet, at a cafe or a pub or completely by chance (their friend groups, it turns out, are bizarrely interconnected), and Morpheus will ask Hob if he's found his soulmate yet, and Hob will say no.

Their first few meetings, Hob makes a genuine effort to try and explain. To talk about the people he never would have met, the love he'd have missed out on, (the life he'd have missed out on), had he just sat around waiting for his soulmate to find him. About how freeing it is to get to know someone outside of those horrible soulmate-matching dates where you shake twenty people's hands in a row and move on when nothing happens.

Morpheus seems entirely baffled by it. Not just Hob's approach, but the rest, too, soulmate-matching organizations and the goddamn nightmare that is dating apps and that brief moment of panic when the other person tries to grab your arm on the first date. Hob is almost as curious about Morpheus' experience of soulmates as Morpheus is about his, but Morpheus shies away from even the blandest questions about his relationship status, so Hob is left to wonder- if Morpheus met his soulmate young, like Will did, so he's never lived with the pressure to find the One. If he believes that Destiny will bring his soulmate to him when it's time, and it's not his place to go looking. If he's cautious, gets to know a person on their own terms before touching them and finding out if they're a Match.

Hob would think that last one were the answer- Morpheus holds himself apart from other people, avoiding physical contact at all costs- were it not for the deliberate brush of Morpheus' fingers against his palm the night they'd met. At first he's terribly aware of where that mark would be, but it's easy enough to let the crush he'd been nursing fade to the background. Morpheus' interest in him is so clearly just academic curiosity, it'd be silly to dwell on it.

And even though the novelty of being listened to, if not fully understood, eventually wears off, Morpheus' curiosity is still heartwarming, and Hob, as a person, is not given to running out of things to talk about. And Morpheus proves shockingly eager to listen to him ramble about playing Hades and argue with him about what qualifies a good adaptation of a book.

It's nice. Settling. To be around him, in a way Hob doesn't know he's ever felt with anyone else.

Their fifth meeting, Hob spends the entire time gushing about Audrey, Audrey whose sister had introduced her to Hob because neither of them are terribly anxious to find their soulmate, Audrey who throws herself into helping Hob find the earbuds he lost at her house with the same fervor she applies to med school exams, Audrey whose laugh might be the most beautiful sound he's ever heard...

The look of- disgust? despair? anger? On Morpheus' face when Hob finishes that little tangent would almost be funny if it weren't so insulting.

Their meetings peter off after that. Not intentionally. But Hob will admit that his every waking thought becomes- slightly consumed, by Audrey, from the moment she looks at him sideways to make a terrible pun about roses. And even after Hob's found room in his head for other things, Morpheus is impossibly busy with some project he's working on with Will.

And suddenly it's been almost four months and they've barely spoken and Hob's rushing into a fancy bakery three minutes before they close, when he notices a familiar black coat at the back of the line. He takes a moment to straighten his jacket- this place is fancy fancy, polished in a way that makes him feel too poor to afford the oxygen inside the building- before he sneaks into line behind Morpheus.

Morpheus glances back at him and freezes, as though he'd planned to commit Bakery Robbery and Hob is now a witness.

"Hey," Hob says, grinning a bit too widely, in the vague hope that he can make them both forget the past months of awkwardness if he's just cheerful enough. "How's the playwriting going?"

Morpheus stares at him for a short eternity, then says, "Frustrating." It's the end of the sentence, but not the conversation. Hob knows he remembers that distinction.

He waits a moment, in case there's more that Morpheus wants to say. The line shuffles slowly forward- Hob really shouldn't have come here right after work, there are six people in line in front of Morpheus and only one incredibly stressed employee behind the counter.

"How is. Audrey?" Morpheus asks, uncertainly, just when Hob is beginning to think he should say something else.

Hob's fairly certain the smile on his face is answer enough to that question. "She's great. It's been. Great," he says, conscious of the fact that no matter how much he wants to wax poetic, Morpheus probably doesn't want to hear it. "She's actually- I'm going to meet her parents, this weekend," he adds, and once he's said the words aloud, it's hard not to bounce in place with sheer giddiness- he's going to meet her family! As her boyfriend! "That's why I'm here, actually. I wanted to bring something nice but the last time I tried to bake I set my kitchen on fire, so..." He shrugs, and nods at the counter.

"You really are in love with her," Morpheus says. That look is back on his face, that intense, almost visceral shade of pity. If anything it's stronger than the last time Hob saw it.

Hob, frankly, would prefer disgust. Or confusion, or scorn. I know what I'm getting myself into, he wants to say. I thought you understood that part, at least.

"Of course I am," he says instead, and the words only sound a little hollow. "Soulmates are stupid."

Another eternity passes. Morpheus makes a tiny move toward Hob, and for a brief, foolish moment Hob thinks he's going to kiss him on the forehead, as though he were a brother-in-arms dying on the battlefield.

"Then. Enjoy your dinner," Morpheus says, and turns back around.

And that's the end of the conversation.

The line keeps shuffling forward. Morpheus stares into the middle distance like a statue of some folkloric king. The woman in front of him shoots Hob several pointedly disgusted looks, and Hob- broods. Turns the question over and over again in his mind- Why is it so hard to understand that she doesn't need to be my soulmate? She's already perfect. I love her.

He doesn't ask. He doesn't get an answer.

And three weeks later, Audrey bumps into her soulmate at a concert, and he realizes she hadn't understood, either.

[hard--headed--woman]

i'll never stop being angry about how Chichi and Videl stopped fighting and were reduced to housewives right after they got married to Gokū and Gohan. Chichi was a badass who liked to fight and was excellent at it, she took part in the Tenkaichi Budokai which is the biggest martial arts tournament attended by the strongest people on earth, she seemed to like going on adventures, she had an interesting personality, was interesting also in that that she ressembled Gokū in some ways (they were both innocent, pure hearted kids who were very strong and whose dad and grandad were friends and had been trained by Muten Roshi), she was brave and hard-headed, she had a strong personality, she was the first person to be able to sit on Kinto un with Gokū... and right after she got married they turned her into an angry housewife whose only role is to cook for her husband and yell at him all the time??? who suddenly hates martial arts and is ultra conservative in many ways??? that's terribly misogynistic and a horrible waste of potential. she derserved way better.

same goes for Videl. she used to be a badass, strong, amazing martial artist with a strong personality who loved to fight and help the police and won the Tenkaichi Budokai in the children's section... and now she's just a sweet housewife for Gohan. it's a shame.

and let's not forget N°18 too... things are a bit better for her because she still did one Tenkaichi Budokai after getting married and took part in the tournament in DBS (don't get me started on DBS lol) but apart from that, she fights way less than she should and has lost a lot of her strong personality. i was so mad when i heard her "it'll be good to have something to do other than taking care of kulilin and māron" in DBS... like what???? we're talking about n°18 for fuck's sake???

all of this is just so misogynistic. i wish they let female characters be strong and badass even after getting married. they all have so much potential, it's criminal to reduce them to housewives. it genuinely disgusts me.

[hana-bobo-finch]

Uh oh!!! You know what time it is!!! Time to yap about more pikmin headcanons!!!

• Yonny did almost all of dingo’s work in school for him. He has zero regrets. It started off as him trying to tutor dingo but it immediately became extremely obvious that math/science just wasn’t going to click with him so yonny just…did it all for him

• Louie hums to himself. A lot. Very terribly, might I add. Not even any real melody just random sounds. He thinks olimar can’t hear him but he can. Oh boy can he. It drives Olimar up the wall but he’s too polite to ever bring it up

• Nelle barely ever talks to Yorke or Dobbs but is constantly not-so-secretly listening in on all of their conversations. She just watches on silently. Only occasionally chimes in. Yorke and Dobbs just assume she doesn’t like being around them that much but nah, she likes just lurking around them

• Dobbs is a GAMER. He is an absolutely TERRIBLE gamer

• Dingo purposefully tries to put yonny in danger just so he can swoop in for a “heroic save.” It never works and somehow dingo’s always the one who has to be heroically saved

• santi, in a deep, twisted part of his heart, wishes Bernard would “go missing” in a tragic ship crash. He feels terrible for thinking it but…he does.

• After koppai’s food crisis was solved by alph and co Yorke had absolutely NO idea what to do with his life, considering his entire life up until that point was treasure hunting to try to earn money for food

• Louie’s had intense screaming matches with the president multiple times. Only time he ever raises his voice above a whisper. It scares the crap out of Olimar

• Yonny is demiromantic

• Nelle and Brittany haven’t spoken since they were teens. They absolutely despised each other at the time and it would often escalate to physical fights. They’d probably get along just fine as adults but they’re both too petty to be the one to try to reach out to mend things

• Collin gives wonderful hugs!!! If any of the other rescue corps are upset he’ll give them a big ol hug. Provided they want one.

• Louie is bffs with the ship. Mostly because it’s not an actual person. The ship would get extremely offended if he said this but it’s true, he finds it a lot easier to talk to a machine than a person. That weird bond they have is the only reason the ship didn’t snitch on him for eating the golden pikpik carrots.

• Dingo puts himself in dangerous situations just so he could get pampered by yonny in the medical ward. He is unaware that they can just…hang out normally

• Collin has a wonderful singing voice but would rather die than sing in front of anyone. On the flip side shepherd sounds like a dying animal but is just about addicted to karaoke

• Yorke has zero sleep schedule. He will fall asleep whenever and wherever he wants. Even during an active treasure hunt

• Olimar used to be incredibly concerned and disgusted with Louie cooking the creatures they brought back to the point he was genuinely considering calling HR. Eventually he caved in and tried some of Louie’s cooking abd did a complete 180

• Olimar desperately wants to cook with Louie but Louie gets extremely territorial when he’s cooking. If Olimar steps foot in the kitchen while he’s working Louie will go feral

• Yorke is pretty much the hairdresser for Nelle and dobbs when they’re on a long treasure hunting trip. He’s not all that good at it but they don’t mind the shabby look

• Yorke is a chronic makeup-stealer. He doesn’t even use it all too often but he’ll grab any he can find and stash it away. Especially eyeshadow he steals that the most

• ^ adding onto this he is a horrible liar. Absolutely horrible. Noooo Nelle what are you talking about I didn’t steal anything my eyelids just naturally look like this………………..

• Bernard wears sunglasses over sunglasses. At most he will wear 4 pairs at a time. He thinks it multiplies his coolness (he is correct!)

• Alph used to have long hair before getting it cut in an attempt to match charlie

That is all goodbye

[nova-alien-rants]

trying to finally heal my NPD and dealing with the damage it's caused is so fucking devastating

uhh if you demonize narcs please get off my blog before i launch you into the sun uhh this post is kinda long

it just... it hurts so bad dude. and i feel like my BPD makes it even worse because every time i'm confronted with the reality that i've fucked up those around me so badly, i can end up spiraling into thinking i'm the worst person ever, i deserve to die, i ruin everything, there's no hope for me, etc. it's so awful. i genuinely hate how much i've hurt those in my life.

examples:

i've gaslit my gf to the point where she still feels like SHE'S the problem, even though it's literally been me all along. she kept trying to help me and i villainized her the whole time. i'm disgusted with how i acted. my eyes have been opened and i no longer act the way i did, but the damage has been done and i can't help but cry because of how much i've hurt her these past several years.

my friend became used to me making backhanded jabs and even passive aggressive remarks because i always felt threatened by him. i stopped being mean to him like that, but because he was used to that dynamic with me, he kept up with his own vindictiveness and made me feel terrible that i trained him to do that in the first place. he doesn't do it with anyone else.

i've lost many friends and gotten into baseless arguments simply because i was acting like a giant asshole under the delusion that THEY were the assholes, not me. even though they literally did not do anything. my own ego was wounded and that wasn't their fault. i was such a fool for destroying those relationships.

i feel so fucking despondent so much of the time now, and i keep flip flopping between "there's hope for me and i can help reduce the stigma of NPD" and "i am the worst person ever, i'm a horrible monster who just hurts people, there's no getting better for me." my emotions are so intense. either they're everywhere, or they're nowhere. i also feel so much grief. i could have had amazing relationships with amazing people around me, and to an extent i do now! but so much of the lives of myself and others have been absolutely ravaged by my own self obsession and vindictiveness, and i can't help but wonder what things would be like if i weren't the way i am. honestly i'm so ashamed of myself for letting things get to this point.

whenever i would do research on NPD, i would wonder like... why do people not know they have this condition? how could they possibly not know when it fucks up their lives so bad? i knew about my BPD and OCPD before i even knew what those conditions were called, and those are also ego-syntonic personality disorders! so i was REALLY thrown a curveball when i was told i'm a narc. it felt like my world shattered and i simultaneously could see clearer, but also felt so much shame and sadness. and other things, but i don't even know what in specific. bad things. it seriously changed how i viewed myself and everyone and everything in this world around me.

i remember i would always tell myself i would never end up like my parents, both of whom are narcissists. they were and still are the worst abusers out of all the abusers i've ever had in my life. so when i found out i was a narc, too, i felt disgusted not only because it explained so much of my life, but also because it meant my worst fear had come true. i associate narcissism with my parents. i'd be lying if i were to say i didn't have my own internalized ableism about NPD due to them. at the same time though, i get distressed from sharing physical features with them too, so it's hard to really say. it just sucks all around.

i feel like some kind of evil monster crying crocodile tears upon finally having it click that they actually are, indeed, some kind of evil monster. i've hurt so many people so badly and i was totally blind to it. COMPLETELY. to the point i genuinely believed THEY were the ones hurting ME. sometimes i'm so consumed with shame i literally never want to show my face to anyone ever again. i want to run away and start a new life where no one knows who i am or what my past was like. but alas, such is not feasible, so i am stuck dealing with the consequences of my actions. and accept them i will, of course, because it's the grave i dug for myself, but fuck, man. this feels so awful. i feel so awful.

[coraniaid]

Character asks:

Xander, 1 and 21.

1 Why do you like or dislike this character?

Going to focus on the why part and avoid coming to a firm conclusion about the implicit binary choice.

Season 5's The Replacement posits that there are two Xanders -- one suave and self-confident, one a bumbling walking punchline -- before revealing that both of these Xanders are equally real and exist as aspects of the true and singular Xander, with neither having primacy over the other. However, while there are indeed two diametrically opposed versions of Xander Harris, real fans of the show know that they don't exactly correspond to what the show suggests here. The true distinction is between, on the one hand, the Xander who grows up miserable and alone in an abusive household and is determined not to become his father and who loves and supports his friends unconditionally and is maybe/probably/definitely bi but doesn't seem to realize it yet and, on the other hand, the Xander who makes frequent gross sexual comments about all the women he knows and visibly and bitterly resents the ways they outshine him and who considers it his moral duty to give them terrible, patronising, unsolicitied advice about their personal lives whenever he can.

As in The Replacement, both versions of the character have equal claim to be the 'real' Xander. The much more irritating one is perhaps more present in the early seasons (especially when the writers genuinely seem to be trying to set him up in an actual love triangle with Buffy herself, but also throughout much of his 'romance' with Cordelia) but he never really goes away, even after the writers started trying to find new things to do with his character from The Zeppo onwards. He shows up in Season 5 to explain to Buffy how it's all her fault that her boyfriend metaphorically cheated on her while she was selfishly worrying about her sick mother and he's actually a really great guy Buffy never properly appreciated (he doesn't say "can I have sex with Riley too?" in this episode, but he might as well have done); he shows up in Season 6 to sulk about the fact that the woman he left at the altar dared to sleep with somebody who wasn't him and how much she "disgusts" him as a result; he shows up in Season 7 to help kick Buffy out of her own house.

But, equally, the sympathetic, loyal and, yes, even heroic Xander isn't just some post hoc fandom creation either. There are hints even earlier, but Season 3 and especially Season 4 really do make it clear that Xander's home life is horrific. He does risk his life to save Buffy's in Prophecy Girl, even when Angel wouldn't, even after Buffy had been clear she didn't reciprocate his feelings toward her. He does eventually admit to some of his worst behaviour (his jealousy about Angel, his betrayal of Cordelia). His treatment of Anya, while horrible, really does make sense as an attempt to do the right thing for somebody he cares about by somebody almost utterly consumed by self-loathing.

His speech to Buffy in the second half of The Freshman ("when it's dark and I'm all alone and I'm scared [...] I always ask: what would Buffy do? You're my hero.") is, despite what he says immediately afterwards, genuinely touching. The way that, in The Replacement, even the cowardly incompetent side of Xander is willing to risk his life to protect Anya from what he thinks is a demon is honestly kind of sweet. His speech to Willow at the end of Season 6's Grave ("I'm not joking [...] I can't imagine the pain you're in [...] You're Willow [...] I love you") and to his speech to Dawn in Season 7's Potential ("You gave her your power [...] You're not special. You're extraordinary") both feel like genuinely well-earned moments in light of everything we've seen of Xander so far.

The fundamental tension inherent to Xander is that he doesn't smoothly and effortlessly develop from one version of the character to the other. It's not as simple as the grating Xander from the early seasons "getting better". Both sides of his character are present -- and either side can be dominant -- from the very beginning of the show and right until the end.

21 If you're a fic writer and have written for this character, what's your favorite thing to do when you're writing for this character? What's something you don't like?

Well, I am a fic writer and I have, technically, written for this character (he is the POV character for one fairly short chapter of Coexist.) I think he is a very hard character to write well (especially in the high school seasons) and I'm not at all sure I managed.

Honestly, I think well-written fanfic takes on Xander that actually treat him seriously as a character are incredibly rare. (Off the top of my head I can think of exactly one example. I'm sure there are others -- and I'm sure part of the issue is that I only really read a particular subset of Buffy fanfic -- but I doubt there are many others.)

I think a lot of fanfic writers really just don't like Xander at all (and so only write the horrible Xander, if that, and only so they can have the characters they like call him out on his worst behaviour), whereas other writers lean too heavily into the sympathetic Xander (and either have him explicitly realize and denounce his own poor behaviour early on or just write a meek and mild 'Xander' who just needs a hug and who has never even thought about saying anything inappropriate to any woman ever, which ... well, that's not the character that appears on screen, is it?).

I think the trick to writing Xander well, such as it is -- and the approach I tried to take myself -- is to try to treat him as sympathetically as possible without pretending he isn't often prone to jealousy and making mean-spirited comments, that he isn't a bit of a massive hypocrite at times and that he doesn't often say "funny" things that aren't when he shouldn't. That's harder than just playing up the angle that Xander's parents are awful and he's trying his best and suggesting he'd be much happier if he just followed Anya's advice to Buffy and found a "nice, boring, boyfriend", but I think if you don't try you're not writing a sympathetic version of Xander Harris so much as you're creating a whole new character.

Yes, Xander (mostly) is trying his best, and his parents (especially his father) are awful, but very often Xander's best is far from good enough. He will say awful things sometimes and he probably won't apologize for it, even if he does secretly feel ashamed by it. You have to try to write both versions of Xander -- both the one that makes sense as one of Buffy and Willow's best friends and the one who really doesn't seem to have anything in common with them at all -- if you're going to write the Xander.

That being said, the absolute worst thing you can do to Xander is give him magical powers or superhuman fighting skills so he can Help Buffy Patrol. That's not who he is! That's not true to either version of the character!

(... sorry, I lied. That's the second worst thing you can do to Xander. The actual worst thing is what the comics do with him and Dawn. No super-powered fantasy fanfic could be more horrible and ill-advised than that.)

[little-worm-grant]

Marc's pov: Behind Closed Doors

1,402 words / 18+ only, no minors

Masterlist. If you like what you see, leave a like or reblog and follow me ♥ Summary: Some darker scatterbrained memories of abuse and trauma from the mind of Marc Spector and his formative years.

Continued: Steven's pov: Happy Simple Normal Life (comfort)

Warnings: Dead dove?? Heavy child abuse + family death. C-PTSD. Domestic violence. Childhood trauma. Self-hatred. No comfort, only hurt. Notes: To my fellow survivors. You were not a bad person. You were not a burden. You were not difficult. You were not evil. You were a child. You deserve to heal and find what makes you happy. Take care of yourself first, no one can do it better than you can.

Knew from the way the house sounded what mood his mom was in when he got home from school. How each person’s footsteps sounded, and their mood based on how they walked. Not a usual thing to pick up on, but Marc had gotten to know how she was. Knowing when to expect her to be at her worst made it easier to deal with it when she was less cruel.

TV was blasting some soap rerun. Less to watch and more for background noise while she moved around the kitchen. Any noise in the house was a comfort. Meant it was safe. It was when it was silent he knew to hide. Out of sight, out of mind. Most days he would rather stay out of sight.

Heading through to the living room he stopped at the kitchen doorway and watched her. She'd been chopping at the cutting board. Not looking happy, but not looking so sad either. If he stayed quiet for long enough he could pretend this was a good day. When she looked at him he saw that look in her eyes change. Disappointment he was back? Sad to see he was near? She reached for the drinks cabinet and Marc left for his room. Didn’t want to stick around and wait for her to start with the berating.

He rarely saw her smile anymore. He couldn't remember the last time she smiled at him, but he could remember a time. They’d been out grocery shopping and heading back to the car. Marc had seen old lady struggling to push her cart back to the car beside theirs so he helped. The woman complimented his mom over what a kind boy she had. His mom made some noncommittal comment and forced a smile in his direction. He could tell it wasn’t genuine by the way it never made it to her eyes, just out of sheer politeness for the woman. By that point, he'd take anything he could get. Whatever crumbs of kindness she’d give him he’d gladly accept. He wanted to show her he still had the capability of being good even if he'd done terrible things.

She cried on the drive home.

He didn't ask and she didn't point out why, but he already knew what the answer would have been. Should have been her Roro doing all that. Helping old ladies. Offering to do chores to get more pocket money. Helping their dad clean the car. Where Marc was more introverted and liked keeping to himself, his little brother shone as a people person. The true baby of the family. Everyone loved him. Marc was just trying to be more like him to appease his mom. Got him a smile, didn't it?

He remembered after one bad night, she'd come into his room and pulled him out of his sleep to pull him out of bed and beat him. Supposedly for not taking the trash out, but it was the middle of the night and he couldn’t remember her ever asking. She was drunk and not making much sense. Her insults always made the most sense.

This is all your fault.

You disgust me.

You're a horrible child.

Something is wrong with you.

You're evil.

Marc internalized it all. Every single word. Felt like he was going crazy, but maybe he was a bad kid. He got told it enough times he'd started to believe it. He often didn't do the right things. He knew he deserved most of it. But then when he went to the homes of friends and saw how much their parents fawned over their children. It filled him with a fit of bitterness and envy.

There was one family he loved. Treated him like he was their own. Preferred being there after school and on weekends instead of at home. He’d help them pick raspberries from their bushes to make into desserts. He was always allowed to eat his fill in raspberries. He also remembered stealing from them. Just once, but it was one time too many. A small decorative paperweight that reminded him of someone. Couldn’t tell you why he put it in his backpack. Deep down he knew it was wrong. Had a good thing going with this family. They were always kind to him and he'd stolen from them. He was never allowed back after that. His mom got the call and found the paperweight hidden in his room. She used it as part of her arsenal to give herself more reasons why she needed to beat him. He was a bad kid, after all.

There was only one time he’d been taken to the hospital for an injury and not for the constant noise in his head. His mom took it too far when she threw an object at him. He didn’t realize he’d been bleeding until he saw himself covered in it in the mirror. On the drive to the hospital, she went over what he should say. She stayed in the car while his dad took him inside. Couldn’t have a drunk parent and an injured child going into the hospital, no, that would have raised too much suspicion. He got taught early how the naughty kids’ home was worse than anything she’d ever do to him. How he'd be sent far away and lose anything he cared about. So he lied.

I fell.

I hit my head on the corner of the cabinet.

I hurt myself.

When it came time to glue the wound back up he thought they were going to use real glue and refused to let any staff near him. Got transferred to a children’s hospital where he’d be put under and stitched back up. Couldn’t remember if they ever asked him what happened.

More times than he could count, he remembered getting woken with ice water being poured over his face, or by being punched awake. All because he’d overslept and was late for school.

Took him years to bring the nightmares down to only a couple each month. He'd lived longer away from the abuse than he had within it. The only time he'd ever see his mom’s face was in his nightmares. After he’d left home, she never once tried reaching out to him. He felt it was better that way, but a small part of him hoped one day she'd come to her senses and tell him she was sorry. She’d never told him that before and it took him accepting Steven to realize he never needed it.

The most fucked up thing about it all? Marc still loved his mom. If he had to choose, he'd still choose her to be his mom. He just wished she'd believe him when he said it was an accident. He didn't mean to kill Roe. He never meant for his little brother to drown in that cave. He was sorry. He’d always be sorry.

He remembered long before Roe died, she would make him a hot chocolate and they'd sit together and talk for ages in the kitchen. She'd talk about her life. How she grew up in a big Latino family and was raised Jewish. Laughing over his silly nonsensical strung-together phrases in Spanish. She'd respond more seriously, teaching him in her mother’s tongue to make sure it got passed down to her boys. Prompting Marc to find more ways to be sillier with it and to make her laugh. He couldn't remember what her laugh sounded like anymore.

He vaguely remembered the way she'd look at him like she loved him. He remembered more vividly seeing those same eyes hate he ever existed.

Was he really that terrible? Why didn't he deserve to be loved?

Where was his dad in all of this? Right there. Pretending not to hear any of it. Going to Marc’s bedroom long after his mom had left with food or a warm drink to comfort him. Telling him he needed to listen to her. How he should appease her rather than talking back or arguing. How she wouldn't be so bad if he tried harder to be better. That he shouldn’t take any of it to heart. His mom was hurting too, but she still loved him.

Every single adult in his formative years had failed him.

He wasn’t going to be the kind of adult that turned a blind eye.

[lightgriffinsect]

OH MY GOD FINALLY SOMEONE ELSE WHO HATES COUGAR’S CONTENT

before he started making those weird shipping videos I actually liked his fnf comic dub but then he started making content farm shipping videos at first I didn’t mind until the thumbnails for the videos started becoming really suggestive

and yes I know fnf is not a kid friendly game but it got really annoying and gross that every tabi video is just him being harassed by that tall girl (I forgot her name) and most of the videos were giving toxic couples vibes like seriously why is tabi always getting paired with a bunch of female characters like what is this a love triangle anime????😭😭😭

it doesn’t help the fact that cougar's voice B3 boyfriend from the B3 remixed mod so with this shit going on it can cause the dev team to kick him off (I hope they does because honestly his voice doesn’t fit B3 boyfriend) and find a new va 

and now he’s making farm content videos of the smiling critters from poppy playtime by making them hot furry characters LIKE DUDE THOSE ARE CHILDREN TOYS WHY ARE YOU SEXUALIZING!???!?!?!?!?!

So yeah I hope someone can tabi away from this man

the tall girl you're referring to is Nikusa, the kinda-sorta villain(?) of FNF Entity. she's an awesome character who also doesn't deserve the crap Cougar put her through.

speaking of which, EXACTLY???? I never liked cougar's dubs at all tbh; even comics that I personally had read beforehand, which had no hints of romance or shipping whatsoever, became so uncomfortably sexual and harem-y the moment Cougar got permission to dub them. i imagine there were artists who didn't want their work cast in this light at all, and I just feel horrible for them. it's really gross.

and honestly??? FNF being a mature game has NOTHING to do with the overly sexual thumbnails and blatant disrespect of Homskiy's and other creators' wishes for their characters. that doesn't make it okay at all. it doesn't matter how family friendly an IP is, if it's popular, people who only value views WILL come up with the most disgusting clickbait garbage as long as it gets them attention. content farms will oversexualize the most innocent of child-friendly characters in order to get views. FNF being for older audiences doesn't make it better.

cougar's channel has become nothing more than one of these farms. he just happens to be using a former friend's beloved character as a mascot, which only makes it worse.

it reminds me of the downfall of Gametoons and EnchantedMob, ngl. they used to make awesome videos with genuine effort and well-thought out plotlines. now their content is in a similar state. it's disgusting. the fact that cougar has let his standards devolve to this is abhorrent.

every artist has boundaries when it comes to fanart of their work. for such a renowned person in the FNF fandom, with such a large platform, to NOT make sure he isn't crossing those boundaries, and in fact actively disrespect them, sets a terrible precedent for future "big" mod devs to follow.

cougar absolutely cannot get away with this. too many other people in this fandom have, but this is something everyone has borne witness to. it is 2024, and we're sick of seeing this. we want every scrap of what we have left.

i honestly hope the remaining mod devs are doing alright. i haven't talked about them much but their experience working on Vs. Ex is no less valid. it's sickening that cougar took advantage of minors to finish all the work on their own so he could slack off. again, an ADULT could not be bothered to handle anything of the mod development, so he left it all to the rest of the team that he was leading, most of whom were MINORS.

cougar must be held accountable for his blatant disregard for Homskiy's boundaries, breaking his trust and using his beloved character against him. no one should forget how he exploited his underage co-devs to dump all the stress of finishing the mod on them.

Tabi's character is beloved to not only Homskiy and the other devs who actually worked on the mod, not only the Entity creators, but to all of us. everyone in the FNF fandom who has gone out of their way to make art for Tabi, everyone who has cared enough to even praise this art, to seek it out, we know this character's worth. we are the ones who value him.

the same goes for Nikusa, and Ayana, and every other character that he's reduced to shipping fodder and suggestive thumbnail art. I just hope outsiders and people who only know them through cougar's "dubs" will understand the same.

[gicosmo]

It was never your fault {Luis x Reader}

first I wanna say thank you for 70 likes on my last Luis story! 🥹 I genuinely didn't expect that! I hope you guys enjoy this one as well!(even though it's pretty sad).

Also, I was thinking about making a Leon x Reader x Luis story! Lemme know what y'all think!!! 🫶

warnings: angst so much angst, Luis (canon) backstory, a little slow in the beginning(sorry) spoilers for RE2 and RE4, sad story with happy ending :)

////////////

After the events back in Spain, you didn't think you would keep contact with the three amazing people you met. Even though the events that went down over there affected you all mentally, you all were there for each other and kept your heads up.

Leon was pretty busy most days. He's a pretty important person with an important yet dangerous job. He'll occasionally call you from here and there and he'll even stop by for a cup of coffee in the morning.

Ashley was the first to ask for your number when you all arrived to safety. Both of you stood by each other nonstop during Spain, she wasn't gonna let that be the end of it. Constant texts, laughs, dinner dates, and even meeting the president from time to time. You couldn't ask for a better friend.

Then lastly, there was Luis. With nowhere to go, he asked if he could stay with you. You knew Luis was a smart man, and with his degree he could get back up on his feet in no time. Oh boy... he certainly got back up alright. And you helped him... you guys even started dating because of it!

You couldn't ask for a better partner. Luis showers you with love, affection, and the very occasional gifts. He quite literally adored you. Of course you spoiled him too when you could, nothing but a smile on his face everytime you did so. The relationship was literally you two being lovey dovey.

Another thing you appreciated about the relationship was how open you both were with one another. Well, it was mainly just you opening up about things. Your childhood, your work, past relationship, etc. Luis never said anything about himself, he mainly just listened... until today.

"Mi corazon... may I speak with you?" Luis knocked on the bedroom doorframe, a hint of sadness in his voice. You smiled, nodding at him and patting the bed next to you. He sat down, holding your hands as he did so, "Mi amor... I feel guilty about something." Luis frowned.

You tilted your head, "What do you mean, Luis? Go on, I'm all ears." With a gentle squeeze from you, Luis started talking,

"I haven't been completely open about my past. I'm scared that you'll hate me or find me disgusting for what I've done," you frowned at his statement. Why was he talking like that. It was concerning to say the least, "I used to work for a... terrible company."

"Umbrella. That's why Leon was so iffy around you the first time around..." You sighed.

"Yes... sadly. When I was young, my grandfather died in a house fire. He used to write in a journal about me. He always said I was a smart boy. When he died... I fled away from my hometown. I went to school and I got my degree. Umbrella noticed my work and asked me to work for them. I was ecstatic... I thought I would finally be helping people, helping the world." he faintly smiled at his last sentence, soon turning into a scowl,

"I was wrong... So wrong. The things that me and my crew were doing... was monstrous. I created horrible monsters. When I realized how shady the company was... I left. I refused to be apart of something that hurt others... I never wanted to do that, but I did."

Sighing, you moved a piece of hair away from his face, placing it behind his ear, "Luis. You left Umbrella, that's all that matters. You didn't know what you were—" "Mi Vida... that's not all..." "What?"

Luis shook his head, the hair behind his ear covering his face again, "When I left Umbrella, I went back to my hometown. That's when I met Saddler. He also noticed my work and he led me to a lab where I could do research and develop on the plaga. That damn parasite was my doing. I was tricked again, and I was pissed about it. I was working for a damn cult..."

Tears were falling from Luis' eyes, but he dared not show it. He crossed his arms, looking away from you, "So many people died because of me... So many people got hurt... Including you. I can never forgive myself for being apart of these things. Lo siento, mi amor..."

Your heart ached. Luis sounded so broken. You placed a hand on his shoulder only for him to flinch at your touch.

"If you don't want to he with me anymore I completely understand..." Luis sniffles, your heart breaking even more,

"Luis... It was never your fault."

"What...?"

"What you've been through, it wasn't your fault. All you wanted to do was bring good into the world. Just because you were taken advantage of by awful people, that doesn't make you one of them. It's not your fault..." You placed a hand on his cheek, turning his face towards you.

Sob. All Luis could do was sob. He wrapped his arms around you, crying into your chest. All you could do was rub circles along his back and shush him gently.

His sobbing eventually stopped. He laid ontop of you, calm breathing admitting from him.

You quietly whispered to him, "I love you so much, Luis."

"I love you too, mi amor"

[sweetluna20]

i’m posting this cause i feel like it

reasons why i don’t like some wbb players 

jada gymfi- when i say i hate jada, i mean it. one thing i want to make clear; is that i don’t care if she’s friends with the McCaffery kids. like i genuinely do not care for them. but what i do care about is what she allowed. idk if she’s oblivious or dumb. but allowing white nepo boys talk about women and black women like they’re entitled to pisses me off so much. like talking about in anyway that’s not uplifting with your platform makes me so upset, all those women have gotten there because they’ve worked hard. meanwhile you have a benchwarmer enabling this behavior and 2 nepo baby’s getting where they are because of their father. ANDDD allowing those white boys to talk about black women in a negative manner after a black women getting wrongfully killed is so fucking insensitive. like how dumb are you to even think that’s okay. just sitting there and laughing is not okay, especially when you have a young fanbase looking up to you. Plus you always defending and obsessing over your “best friend’s” boyfriend is such toxic pick me behavior. like stop you’re just embarrassing yourself. why don’t you actually focus on your schoolwork and your own love life. like c*nn*r is a grown ass man who doesn’t need defending. calling yourself a “core four” with caitlin, gabbie and kate is so weird because you’ve quite literally have contributed nothing to the Iowa team. like in your 2 years playing here you’ve like 7 games. kate and gabbie has been their for caitlin her entire collegiate career. really it’s the core three and that doesn’t include you.

jada seems so weird and disgusting to me, i genuinely can’t believe her actions. no sane person with morals and boundaries would do the shit she has done.

2. aj ediger- she hasn’t done anything. ive never been a fan of her. she just seems like a fake entitled bitch. she also seems really annoying ( i only liked her for molly content) 

⚠️‼️tw abusers‼️⚠️

qadence samuels- you’re a horrible and disgusting person who should be behind bars. i hope you have a terrible season and that you retire from basketball because no one wants to see you for 3 more years. oh and i hope you go to hell.

sedona prince- fuck you, you abusive fuck. hope you rot in hell and that you have a terrible season and never end up in the wnba 

(im not going into qadence and sedona shit cause i don’t feel like getting triggered with my own trauma.)

those are my thought :|

(can someone please update me on the hannah stulke situation)

(don’t send me hate this is my personal reasons)

(i don’t like spreading hate, but some people have genuinely earned it)

[spop-romanticizes-abuse]

I really don't want to seem like a terrible person and I'm still trying to better understand the topic, but I want to talk about my situation with Entrapta. When I was watching She-ra, I didn't know that she was autistic. I didn't know much about autism at all. And I was genuinely annoyed that Entrapta was behaving quite childishly, that she had so easily switched to the side of evil, and so on. I had no idea why she was doing this. Only after understanding the issue a little, I was able to justify for myself many of her actions, and I felt uncomfortable with the actions of the princesses, although initially I understood their irritation very well. And I think it would be better to She-Ra to show the problem of ignorance about autism by making it so that the princesses did not know about Entrapta's autism, did not know how it affects her, like it was with me. Initially, they would have seen Entrapta as a person who just doesn't care about them, so they also didn't really want to get close to her. But having learned from her that she sincerely wants to be useful to them because she just wants to be friends, but because is difficult for her to understand other people she cannot express the way princesses are used to, they would sincerely apologize and start looking for ways to get closer to Entrapta, realizing that she is different from them, but does not wish harm. And it would definitely be worth removing many of the disgusting moments from the show (such as the moment with the leash) too. Yes, it would probably be quite naive and childish, but the whole She-ra is not mature in general.

Maybe I forgot some moments because I have no desire to rewatch this mess. And I'm sure that ideally it would be better to show an initially normal and adequate attitude to Entrapta, but I just wanted to tell about the situation from a slightly different angle.

And I'm very sorry if I made any mistakes in understanding autism and said something wrong, I just recently started to understand this topic and still may not fully understand

don't worry, you're not a terrible person! it's already a good thing that you're willing to learn more about autism and correct yourself if necessary, not many people do that! and i get your point, i think it's natural for a lot of allistic people to get irritated at autistic people, because they don't know much about autism.

if the princesses were just kinda rude to entrapta, i wouldn't think much of it. but putting someone on a leash and dragging them around is a horrible thing to do to anyone, regardless of how annoying they are. there were a lot of other annoying characters in the show (like seahawk) who wasn't treated the same way entrapta was. it leaves a bad taste in your mouth.

and yes, it would have definitely been a better choice to let the princesses realize their mistakes and try to be better friends to entrapta. but then again, spop sucks at writing good character development and healthy relationships. sure, mermista is kinda nice to entrapta in the end but that's only because entrapta proved to be useful, not because they like her for who she is.

this show is really not as progressive as it claims, and you'll start to see the cracks once you watch it with a more critical eye.

[super-hero-confessions]

Billy Butcher is a genuinely worse person than Homelander and this is plain to see when you actually read the comics.

Homelander actually feels disgusted with himself when he does bad things. And he only does them because he's been led to believe he was horrible without actually having done any of the shit he's blackmailed for in the photos and videos. Including what happened to Becky.

If it's not clear. It was Black Noir, a clone of Homelander, who put on his costume, did those terrible things and enjoyed them, and then took pictures and videos to frame Homelander. Noir was the one to rape Becky, but Homelander got the blame.

And the very few things we actually see Homelander do show us how much revulsion he feels from doing them, to the point where he throws up and has a visceral reaction, like he doesn't actually want to and isn't used to it. Asking himself "what have I done?".

That's far from a spoiler at this point, these comics have been out in full, for several years now. I'm not gonna pull punches or be dishonest about it like some people confessing weird out of context bullshit either.

In contrast.

Butcher kills all of his friends, excuse me. All of the people he used and lied to and made believe he was actually their friend, with no remorse or second thought. Or at least tries to.

Kimiko. Frenchie. MM. Even Vas (Love Sausage). All of them die by Billy's hands. For no other reason beyond.

"They're supes."

Despite the fact that this is after he discovered he was wrong about Homelander the whole fucking time.

Down to trying to kill MM's momma. Down to killing Janine's fucking mother in front of her so that she witnesses it. And then makes sure MM knows that for Billy, he "ain't got no mates".

Hughie is the only one to survive because after killing the others, Butcher threatens to kill Starlight and says he won't stop unless Hughie stops him.

There's no question here. Butcher was always the bigger monster. He just didn't have the power to be as bad as Homelander could be. Potentially.

Potentially. And that is a huge fucking key word.

Barring the fact that Homelander never actually met that potential or even wanted it. Noir was the actual monster, using Billy to confuse him into believing he had, so he would try. Just so the clone could swoop in kill him.

Imagine that.

And there are still people deranged enough to think there's any kind of contest on who's worse between Billy and Homelander?

Fuck's sake, this guy immediately kills a fucking premie baby instead of trying to pacify it because it's terrified out of its mind and has powers it can't control. With a lamp.

I love the show, I love the portrayals and the jobs done by the actors. I think it does a great job touching on the important topics and themes in the comics while connecting it to current events. I do hope it has a different ending. But one thing's clear.

While the characters are fundamentally the same at their cores. They made Billy softer and sweeter while they made Homelander harder and more ruthless in order to make the dynamic more mainstream and less controversial. Which is honestly a bit disappointing.

It also makes me a little worried because if they don't find a way to navigate that well, it may mean they've messed up the finish line before we could ever reach it. They could definitely go for something more comic accurate or even include Billy killing Ryan and just not caring anymore as per typical Butcher fashion, but given that they've already chickened out on some of the more intense stuff, I can't say it's high in the hopes factor.

And a happy ending doesn't exactly feel appropriate either.

But who knows, maybe the set up is there specifically to make everything hurt that much more in the end if or when Billy betrays everyone.

And this is coming from someone who is ecstatic to see Homelander go on a chaotic rampage of blood, death, and destruction. Bring it the fuck on you goddamn chaos cockteases.

But yeah, no. It's no contest. Billy is a far worse character than Homelander in the comics, and he has the potential to get a lot worse in the show. He's not there yet, but it's pretty clear he actively wants to be and it's grating him that he isn't yet.

Guess it'll be interesting to see if that comes to fruition or if there's even some crazy twist that shows us Homelander isn't as bad as people think.

[helluva-dump]

Ahhhhh here’s something I’ve been thinking about sharing but I got so nervous how fans and antis may take this 🥲🥲🥲

Yeah so, I wasn’t too keen on Adam at first since the idea of him being the leader of arch angels and he looks too similar to Blitzo… But after doing a lot of roleplays with a friend of mine (WHO REALLY IS GOOD AT WRITING ADAM. LIKE KEEPING HIM HOW VIV WANTED BUT STILL MAKE HIM KIND OF CREEPY ) So Adam is a character I’m actually fascinated by. Mainly because he sounds so cringe that I wanna shit on him in my stories XD

Though, I also want to write him as an intimidating villain too.

While me and said friend we talked about our headcanons for Heaven and how Adam was originally a sinner… I feel like that was Viv’s vision. I think he looks more like a demon and does vulgar language is because he’s a sinner who faked his redemption to get the easy way out.

But tbh it works perfect! Since I kind of originally planned for Lucy to have a horrible experience with some angelic priest… but I scrapped it since I wasn’t sure how that work, but since Vivziepop made Adam.. it somehow made me wanna go back to that idea using him.

Basically he acts like a dudebro chud with entitlement and thinks he can do whatever because he’s the “first man of God” which gave him a superiority complex. And he acts like a massive creep to Lucy, so a villainous crush trope.

After his two failed relationships with Lilith and Eve, who are promincuous and defiant in his eyes… He was drawn to Lucy due to her kind, Caring, and humble nature. How she’s a guardian Angel who happens to cook, clean, and is very good with children. To him, that is his ideal woman. A submissive tradwife that can never ever question him and is a doormat for him to take advantage of. But unlucky for him, she never had interest in him and always calls his shit out and rejects his advances.

But in a serious note, I actually want to take what Viv was gonna do for Stolas and blitzo (before Romanticizing them), that she got into a coercion relationship as well as SA.

So trigger warning, he once found out about her dirty little secret (like finding her erotica novels she enjoys reading, Lucy is Aegosexual so she only enjoys that in fiction) and decided it’s the perfect blackmailing. He found these books of hers and threatens to tell all the arch angels about her sinful books to get herself banned.

Now in order from her to behave and comply, he basically wanted her to be his girlfriend in return. And as much as she hates him and doesn’t want to… she never wanted to get banned.. Sure, she agreed and is stuck in a very co dependent relationship with him.

I’m not gonna make him super one dimensional, part of me wants to have him actually act like a narcissist. One who always sweetens her up anytime he makes her feel bad. Or makes everyone believe he’s a caring boyfriend to her. But behind closed doors, he’s terrible.

I’ve been a bit nervous to post this… I know things like this are heavy subjects but from personal experiences, I’m gonna try my best to portray a topic with care. This isn’t gonna be the actual oc x canon ship for Lucy, I actually plan to ship her work another canon character that she actually genuinely loves and feels safe with.

Also, I chose to write this because this is sadly a common thing with Christianity, the toxicity of purity culture and how it affects women and how a lot of disgusting so called preachers say sexist shit. (I watched God is Grey talking about one of them which inspired me ) but I also wanna show the good side of Christianity with someone like Lucy.

I don’t wanna treat this black and white, I genuinely wanna world build the Heaven side of the heaven since I love angelogy and I wish we got that in the show.

Oh and that Angel in the background on the first sketch, that’s a friend’s oc. He’s massively protective over Lucy like a little sister and doesn’t trust Adam.

[voraciousvore]

Boarding School for Giants (5/25)

First chapter: https://www.tumblr.com/voraciousvore/731600430392639488/boarding-school-for-giants-125?source=share

------ Chapter 5 ------

It took me a long, long time to finally stop crying. Mr. Henderson held me in his hands the entire time. He took me inside his office and closed the door so I could have some privacy. He took a rag, moistened it with water, and did his best to wipe off all the yogurt and spit. I’d still need a shower later. He held me with his hands in his lap and stroked me gently with his thumb to help calm me down, murmuring words of comfort. My sobs eventually died down to hiccups and spasms in my diaphragm. 

“What happened?” he inquired softly, brushing a strand of hair out of my face. I sniffled and looked up at him rising above me. He wore a look of deep concern and sympathy on his features. At least he didn’t hate me like the others. With his magnanimous heart, he genuinely cared. In spite of the hell I had been through, I felt a warmth in my chest I hadn’t felt in a very long time, almost as if the hole corroding my soul from the loss of my father had been filled. 

“One of the giant teenagers was bullying me. He threw me into his yogurt and then put me in his mouth. I was so scared, I thought he was going to swallow me,” I recounted with a grimace. “He called me a ‘disgusting, lowly human.’ I don’t understand what I did to deserve such hate.” My eyes watered at the memory.  

“That’s terrible. I’m so, so sorry,” the giant said, continuing to pet me with his thumb to soothe my pain.

“And even before that, I was having such a horrible day. Everybody acted like I didn’t exist. I felt like I wasn’t a real person. I didn’t have any textbooks for my classes, and nobody was feeding me. I haven’t eaten anything today, except some of that disgusting yogurt by force.” I flinched and hugged my stomach with my arms, still feeling a little sick from the emptiness. I never wanted to eat yogurt again, or be anywhere near it. 

“There wasn’t any food for you?” Mr. Henderson asked. He looked deeply disturbed by all my experiences that I had unloaded on him. I shook my head despondently. “Here, eat some of this,” he insisted, giving me a sliver of chicken from the tray of food he brought over from the lunchroom. I gratefully accepted, scarfing down the meat like I was starving. He fed me a few oversized grains of rice and followed them up with another morsel of chicken until I couldn’t eat any more. I was relieved to finally have a full belly. 

“I’ll talk with the kitchen staff and make sure they have meals ready for you,” the giant assured me. “And I’ll talk to your teachers, and bring your textbooks over to your dorm first thing in the morning. Alright?” 

“Okay,” I agreed, sniffling. “Thank you.” 

“Now, I need to know. Who was the student who was bullying you?” 

“I don’t know his name. He had green eyes, freckles, and red hair.” As I described him, I winced at the recollection of that monster standing over me, grinning with those huge teeth. 

Mr. Henderson stroked his chin as he ruminated. “I don’t know who you’re talking about. But when I find out, he will regret it.” His face hardened as his eyes stared off into the distance. He was lost in thought for a moment before snapping out of it and gazing down at me. “If you see him again, let me know right away.” I nodded. I hoped I would never run into him again, but a repeat encounter was highly likely, since we inhabited the same campus. I knew from experience bullies enjoyed stalking and harassing their prey, and I wouldn’t be left alone for long. 

The giant cocked his head as he leaned over me. “By the way, did you want to contact your mother? Let her know what happened?” 

“No,” I answered bluntly. “She would just yell at me and tell me it’s my fault for getting kicked out of school.” 

“Oh.” He looked sad. I got the impression he wanted to say something, but didn’t want to pry. I appreciated his discretion. He knew I had been through enough today. 

“Can you… walk me back to my dorm?” I asked. I was fatigued and didn’t want to have to traverse the long distance back on my own. 

“Of course,” the giant agreed warmly. He stood up, still holding me in his hand, and circled around his desk to leave his office. As he walked, he added, “Are you going to be okay? Do I need to worry about you?” 

“I’ll be fine,” I assured him, wiping my eyes. “I’m tough, and I’ve dealt with a lot in my life. It’ll take more than a little bullying to keep me down.” I gave him a weak smile. I don’t know if I really believed my own words, but I didn’t want him to worry about me. I’m sure he had more important things to deal with at his job than a teenager going through a crisis. 

As the vice principal walked through the halls of the school, I noticed the classrooms were empty. The school day must have finished while I had been crying. I hadn’t noticed the bell, perhaps because I had been so distraught at the time. I doubted I’d be in any trouble for skipping my last class. Heck, the previous two teachers didn’t even know I existed, so what difference did it make anyway? 

We passed the cafeteria, and I remembered something important. “My bike! It’s still in the cafeteria,” I informed the giant. He strolled into the room over to the human section. Yet again, I was amazed how different everything looked from a giant’s perspective. The human tables presented as nothing more than tiny plastic squares from this height. The giant bent down and delicately picked up the bike with his thumb and forefinger. He slipped the bike in his pants pocket and walked back out. 

Down the hall, I spied the principal coming towards us. He strode forward with power and purpose, confident in his formidable strength and stature. He was an imposing figure with his broad chest and hardy limbs. As he passed by us, already sporting a sullen expression, he spotted me shrinking down into the vice principal’s hand and glowered. The implication was crystal clear: I didn’t belong at this school. Dejected, I sank down further into the curve of the giant’s palm. 

“Why do so many giants here seem to hate me?” I questioned Mr. Henderson.  

He seemed uncomfortable with the question, and hesitated before finally answering, “Some giants—not all, but a significant number—believe that humans are an inferior race of people, unfit to associate with giants and destined for subservience. They see themselves as better, superior beings, fit to dominate the lower orders.” He looked down at me sadly. “It’s a dangerous ideology. Those who believe it want to destroy the protective wall separating our societies and violently subjugate humans with an iron fist. I hope to quash these erroneous beliefs by integrating humans and giants together, and teaching the younger generations to be kind and understanding to humans.” 

He stepped outside into the rays of the setting sun and continued, “You may feel insignificant, but your presence here is far more important than you realize.” 

I processed what he said with some apprehension. I hadn’t come here to change hearts and minds or be a champion for humanity. I hadn’t even been aware of such a struggle. Just being around giants filled me with terror. The responsibility weighed on me heavily. On the other hand, I had to admit I was comforted by the notion that I had a purpose, that I wasn’t insignificant after all. Additionally, I naturally possessed a fiery spirit: I wasn’t the type to give up. Not that I had much of a choice, considering I had basically been abandoned here. 

“I should mention as well, it’s not normal for a giant to eat a human, even for the giants who view humans as inferior. They also see humans as… unclean. It would be the equivalent of a human eating a cockroach,” the giant explained to me. I felt somewhat relieved to hear that tidbit of information, at least. 

“Of course, I’m not saying you’re like a cockroach! Not at all! But eating a human is considered among us to be uncivilized and barbaric. It’s illegal too, like murder.” Ah, and of course murders never happen, right? Because they’re against the law? While I saw the obvious flaw in his logic, I didn’t say anything out loud. He was trying to make me feel better, and he was literally the only one on this whole campus so far who was kind to me. I didn’t want to disrespect or alienate a nice man like him with my usual contrarian sassiness. 

He escorted me over in hushed tranquility to the human dormitory. I leaned back into the cushion of his hand and enjoyed the soft warmth of his skin. I wished I could just close my eyes and make it all go away. I was bone tired. I was almost lulled into slumber’s sweet embrace with the rhythm of his steps. The journey ended all too soon, however, and the giant set me carefully down on the pavement. He took my bike out of his pocket and placed it neatly in the bike rack, then straightened himself back up. I stared up at the colossus extending high into the sky with wide eyes. Even with the time I had spent with him, I still marveled at just how big and tall he was. 

“I’ll meet you back here early in the morning with your books, alright? And if you’d like, I’ll even take you to the cafeteria in the morning, and confirm that you get breakfast,” he reassured me, tilting his head to the side. 

“Okay,” I called up to him. He gave a curt nod to acknowledge he heard my puny voice and then left. I watched him as he lumbered off, until his lofty figure was no longer visible. Sighing, I turned around and returned to my new home. I was glad I was the only one who lived there, because I knew I was a mess, and I wanted to be alone. I stripped off my filthy, sticky clothes and threw them in the washing machine. I didn’t bother to start laundry now, since I had multiple clean uniforms I could wear in the interim. I jumped into the shower and vigorously scrubbed all the foul slime off my skin and out of my tangled hair. The hot water felt amazing. I was so glad to finally be clean, and not stink like the inside of someone’s disgusting mouth. 

I dried off, put on my pajamas, brushed out the knots in my hair, and laid down in my bed. I was too tired to reflect on the events of the day. It wasn’t even night yet and I was ready to sleep. The light from the windows was just beginning to soften. I curled up and rapidly faded out of consciousness. 

Since I went to sleep so early, I woke up just as the sun cracked at dawn. Still groggy, I stumbled out of bed and went straight for the bathroom. I started brushing my teeth when I felt the rumble of giant footsteps approaching. The earthquakes increased in intensity until whoever was stomping around was right outside the building. Was Mr. Henderson here already? I recalled he said he’d be early, but I didn’t realize he meant this early. I wasn’t ready yet. I hastily spit into the sink, wiped off my mouth, and went to look out the nearest window. 

There was nothing on that side of the building, so I went to another window, expecting to be greeted by the giant’s distinctive formal black shoes standing outside. Instead, I saw a giant pair of worn sneakers crusted with dirt. I froze. Those shoes seemed vaguely familiar, but I had come across tons of shoes just yesterday and I wasn’t able to recollect where I had seen them before. I felt uneasy. Something wasn’t right about this. But as long as I stayed inside my little fortress, I’d be safe... right? 

With a resounding thump, the giant outside, whoever he was, got down on his knees. I heard shuffling and banging as his hands explored the exterior of the building. I saw his fingers brush against the windows. He must be trying to get inside. Based on the fact that he hadn’t made an effort to call out to me or get my attention, I doubted there were innocent intentions involved here. Did he know the roof could be lifted open? A wave of panic hit me. I needed to hide, fast. But where? There was nowhere to go. If the entire top of the building was removed, everything inside would be clearly exposed and visible. 

My worst fears suddenly morphed into reality as I heard a loud click, and the roof started to fold open with a groan. I had no time to think. I dived under one of the beds and scrunched up into a ball, to be as inconspicuous as possible. My heart pounded fast and hard. I felt the cool morning air from outside sweep into the room. 

“Where are you, little human? I know you’re in here!” a giant voice boomed, dripping with malice. I saw an enormous hand drop down and fumble with the furniture, searching for me. The fingers tossed aside the beds like they were nothing more than toys. The hand began methodically flipping over each bed, moving closer to my position. I broke into a cold sweat. I would be discovered, and there was nothing I could do about it. I was powerless. The hand reached my hiding spot, and flicked the bed out of the way, revealing my presence. 

“Aha!” the booming voice shouted in triumph. I made an attempt to dart away, but the massive hand closed around me completely, trapping me within the hollow of the giant’s fist. “Gotcha!” 

Next chapter: https://www.tumblr.com/voraciousvore/731602809307496448/boarding-school-for-giants-625?source=share

[lindszeppelin]

I just came across an old thread on reddit talking about the comments of Austin's alleged stepmother against freeaustinbutler. That account has been deleted but as of May 2023 there is another one that still defended Kaia. It's ridiculous for a person of her age to respond to fanblogs, even if they might spread false news or something. But above all, if she defended Kaia, why didn't she also defend her stepson for all the hatred they have poured against him in these two years? People disgust me. Posing as a relative of a celebrity for your own purposes is horrible. She's definitely a shipper because she liked a lot of fangirl posts. And I want to point out that while I notice the crap that Kaia and her PR team do, I never thought they were in a PR relationship (I think it has become PR in recent months, but for me it was genuine before), so I have no reason to defend that freeaustinbutler page.

the shippers wanted to say we were terrible for daring to say that account wasn't his stepmother. like give me a fucking break. use your brain for 2 seconds and realize that account was a shipper before they pretended to be his stepmother. also, austin's actual family don't speak out on social media about him privately or in any kind of way. ashley hasn't posted about him in a few years. they keep him private. no actual family member of austin's would go on twitter and start shit in the fandom. like...people need to use their critical thinking skills.

[louisisalarrie]

harries have and always will be disgusting. as a person of color i’m fucking disgusted by them using real fandom racism to be nasty, but what can you expect from them really. and it’s true that no fanbase is safe from them. solos and larries have always had to deal with their bullshit. i’m glad they seem to remain in their lane here (most of the time), but twitter is horrible. i’m so glad i left. they supposedly love TR but i bet the moment the stunt ends they will drop her, because a lot of them only like her as an extension of harry, and not for herself. seriously they’re the fucking worst of the worst. even solo louies are better than them. at least i’ve had civil interactions with solo louies, but every single harrie i’ve encountered has been nasty. what a shame to see harry’s solo fandom be full of terrible toxic people

you’re exactly right. The second that BUA hits the news, allllll those harries are gonna forget who the hell she is and be absolute hypocrites. You watch all the blinds come out and “sources” in the fandom saying that TR secretly treated H really badly, so it gives the harries an excuse to not care or like her anymore. They are genuinely so toxic. like… grow up.

it’s disgusting behaviour and they are by far the worst solos I’ve ever dealt with as a whole, and I said a little while back that Harry and his team are not oblivious to the arguments and discourse between all harries, larries, other 1d solo fanbases, and they are very much aware that harries are 99% of the time the ones provoking us. He knows his fandom is aggressive and toxic, and I’d like to say he would jump on twitter and say “hey I’m seeing some of you lovely people argue lately, remember to TPWK and support and love each other” or something but he won’t, as it’s a bad move on his end. I wish he would though, maybe some of them would listen.

[vulturnus]

It’s alike Welcome Back Alice is a genuine story and journey about these genuinely relatable experiences of transness, of feelings of failure and failing what is to be expected of you due to not meeting these gender roles that constantly push down upon you, and it’s both tragic and difficult and lovely and a trial to get through.

I’m currently on volume 4, but already Oshimi just captured these difficulties so well. Of failing to meet gender expectations, of feeling worthless for failing them, of trying to navigate if you are a man or woman or neither at all when the world is pushing you every which way. Of feeling like you are made to be unique and otherworldly and horribly sexualized for your transness despite just wanting to be a person, of trying to take back control of your own identity from those around you.

Then there’s mitani who is struggling so terribly with womanhood, of not being ready and trying to force herself through despite how it scares and hurts her and even with people who love her she can’t figure it out and figure out what to do because she has no guidance. In a way Mitani believes she loves Yohei but she also feels as if she needs him to perform this perfect image of femininity and become a woman. There’s Yo doing the same and he feels disgusting for these natural aspects of himself because how dare he have desire and how dare he fail to be what it means to be a man (but he is! He knows he is and it hurts).

They’re in this love triangle and yet the triangle is confused by ideas of do I like them at all, rather than I want them to love me more. It’s not, I do not want Yohei to love Kei, I want Yohei to stay away from what confuses me and my own identity and I need him to establish who I am (don’t i?). It’s I do love Yohei but is he confused, am I using this for security and to return to simplicity; have I done something wrong by being interested in him, by existing in a way so out of gender norms. It’s do I love Kei or the simplicity of being once again not thinking about these expectations. It’s do I love Yohei or what Yohei represents to me.

There’s so many thoughts I have on it and they’re all just incomprehensible