#she doesnt always think straight so like if she yells at me idc…… im not dying and im not a baby. i can take it.

[jawz]

caretaking my mom can be incredibly difficult on an emotional level mostly bc she sometimes gets really cruel and insults me on the deepest levels she can LOL but the last two days were honestly amazing… i think i’m actually gonna be able to heal the trauma of the thanksgiving 11 years ago when she split into religious delusions and did a number of deeply abusive things i wont list here, told me i wasnt her child and i was satan’s now, left the apartment and blocked my phone number for a week and i had no idea when she would return (at some points i worried she never would)… that helped stoke the stupidest most waste-of-time fear of abandonment & it fucks with me so much still

BUT for the first time since 2013 it was just us two on thanksgiving (we didnt celebrate it most years or we were with extended family) and we had such a good day. it’s so hard with her. i cut her a lot of slack because she’s literally dying, idrc what she says to me at this point, it only hurts in the moment now somehow… afterwards it disappears because it doesn’t fucking matter, only the love i have for her matters. any hurt she sends my way i will receive with love and respond with love. but anyway WE actually have now started paving over that old pain (which traumatized her too i know) and i have something to remember now going forward each late november, not just pain and fear and confusion and shame. ❣️

this is our last winter holidays together. i’m lucky she even wants me around, there were so many times she wanted nothing to do with me lol. we’re seriously closer than we’ve ever been, she does compliment me too, and we eat weed gummies and watch tv for hours and just laugh, smoke cigarettes out the patio door cause its 5 degrees outside… she trusts me to confide in about how weird it is to have parts of your body dying but still be walking around alive. ALS is such a weird disease. i wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy.

[jkriordanverse]

UGHHGHHH RANT ALERTT

so there's this girl in my class,lets call her D. So D had been scoring rather well on her exams till the midterms when her grades took a bad turn. D insists that her seatmates are always loud and obnoxious(THE IRONY) and destroy her concentration and motivation. So she took the very very very very x10 horrendous nightmareous ear drum exploding, choice of sitting next to me.in.all.classes.and.even.durning.cafe

UGHHHHH LIKE OKAY, I dont care whoever the fuck is sitting next to me AS LONG AS THEY DONT DISTURB ME, WHICH IS EXACTLY WHAT D IS DOING. Like bro i think my ear drums quite literally exploded after cafe 😭😭. If you wanna study or if you wanna sit next to me, that is completely okay, BUT WHY DO YOU HAVE TO DISTURB ME DURING THE CLASS. AND DONT EVEN GET ME STARTED ON THE AMOUNT OF TIMES I INDIRECTLY TOLD HER TO STFU. For the last time girl, idgaf about what your grandma's nurse is like or what your cousins fiancee wore on his engagement leave me tf alone 😭😭😭.

she keeps on chattering away and doesnt even care if the other person is interested or if she is disturbing them

she was quite literally yelling at my ears during cafe

she blocks my view of him

i dont like the way she touches me, or the way she tries to tickle me despite me telling her to stop it cuz i feel uncomfortable

she wont let me have a peaceful conversation with another person, without intruding/interrupting

she acts very fishy and cringe around him (sometimes it gives me second hand embarrassment and something else-)

she comments on my friendship with him WAY TOO MANY TIMES, and makes sus comments abt him/us while he's right there

I was getting major icks when i read SHE BLOCKS YOUR FUCKING VIEW OF HIM. THEN MY HEART LITERALLY STOPPED DROPPED AND ROLLED AWAY INTO OBLIVION. TF??? (kinda giving major pick me vibes with the cringe [esp the way she acts around him]) the audacity of this bitch

YOU KNOW WHAT THIS CALLS FOR? BEING BLUNT. TELL EVERYTHING STRAIGHT TO HER FACE? SHE BEING ICKY? TELL HER. SHE BEING NOISY? TELL HER. AND YK WHAT MAXIMIZE IT AND GIVE HER YOUR BEST brotha eugh FACE EVER. WHIP OUT THE CLASSIC "honey, idc"

AND LASTLY HOW DARE SHE GET IN THE WAY OF YOU AND GUY HOW DARE SHE SHE DOESNT EVEN KNOW YALL LIKE GIRL- STAY OF OUT UR BUSINESS PLEASE (im close to marching there and shoo her off myself)

[survivorelara]

Episode #7: “Bon Appetite Bitch” - Dani

Merge time baby, this is where the game starts. My first job is to figure out who flipped in that last tribal, I'm betting on Loris, but if it's John I'd probably understand as well. Regardless it's disappointing because as far as "OG Tribe Lines" it's now 5v5v2, which sucks.

I think I've likely got an ok position at the moment, the real move is trying to make sure I've got an in with a lot of people, and to make sure I find myself in the majority.

Here's hoping my first tribal council doesn't turn out to be my last due to social misplays.

We merged woo, my streak of never dying premerge continues :D. However, it does feel like an early merge. There's still 12 people left, I have a strong feeling someone ain't gonna make the jury... 👀

I just noticed im the only Aquarius left woot woot. Game wise, hello, it's merge. I'm finally messaging  people, introducing myself and what not. I'll check in later to list all of the people that don't like me, but for now let's go into this hoping that I'm charismatic

Ok sooooo...... tribal did NOT go as planned but it still was good because I could’ve gone easily but drew t saved my ass because I saved his last week. we love good karma. Roxy literally forgived me without asking her to and we have merged so I don’t feel that at risk anymore. :) I just gotta keep talking to everyone so my name doesn’t get raised.

oh lord. You know idk what I’m gonna do yet Because I don’t want to work with pre friends but i don’t necessarily like my tribe either So that leaves me with loris Idk I’ll figure it out

For now, I'll do a hot or not and comments Roxy- NOT. I have to talk to her almost continuously or else she'll think we aren't allies and vote me out. (not that we are allies rn but still) Ci'ere- DECENT. He's nice but replies are sporadic and idk if he wants to work with me. Loris- HOT AS FUCK. my #1 right now, he's p cool <3 John - STEAMING? He is so nice and so cute but he seems close to purple drew. Purple Drew - LUKE WARM. Love the dude, but I am semi trying to avoid pre game friendships. Little Mix Drew- STRAIGHT FIRE. only bc of LM. in reality, more SEMI WARM. it may turn out that each side has a little mix supporter? Drachus - WHO TF KNOWS. I cannot tell if this man is playing me or not. He tells me he can't vote him out, but is that true? We havent been to tribal and he seems to be lying to me about how much he knows. If he really doesnt know all that... he seems like someone I can maybe work with. We've been loyal to the end for each other before. Just keep in mind- I'm not playing for 8th. Emma- queen? She's inactive but a great number for me. We tell each other stuff and she's just precious. Kori- challenge threat, and someone who I want to be my shield. Dani- shes so inactive bruh like what even Dylan- also inactive.

so its 5 revati, 4 auva, 3 zosma. Zosma and Auva have 2 a piece of people who I loved pregame and would consider working with. So who knows? I have a double majority, so lets not be surprised when I'm first out.

Well, I THINK I'm in an ok-ish spot. I've talked with a LOT of people, IDEALLY the next one gone is Sam just so that I can get Dani more on my side and make it clear that I wanna work with her.

I'm a little salty Altager didn't beat the basic tribe name of Orion... but I'll get over it... eventually...

In other news, I ate a burger today... it was adequate.

MERGE BABIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! I'm elated to make the merge AND get to name the tribe! Like that's fucking sickening! I'm excited to see what the merge holds for me because that was a rocky pre-merge phase. Like obviously I wasted my idol, blah blah. And like I was an emotional mess like the entire way through. It sucks being the one that has to blindside people and like break hearts- but in the end, that's the way it is. I just love that I'm getting to play IN THE MERGE. Like I rarely ever do that because I am too much of a physical threat (in most ORGs) to be allowed into the merge. So I'm super glad that I get to play in the merge and I just have to put myself in a mindset where I can be carefree and not let the stress of the pre-merge weigh me down!

Well, The challenge went pretty well I think, not sure if I won or not though, we'll see.

I'm getting frustrated with Ci'ere though. Everytime we talk they take hours to respond, even when they initiate the conversation, and I respond within 4 minutes. My patience is definitely getting tested.

Well, I didn't win the challenge, I was closeish, got all the right constellations. I just kinda, didn't math correctly in calculating my Tiebreaker number... not sure what I even did to reach that number anymore.

Regardless, I just gotta keep the target off of me, get a feel for what others are thinking, and go from there. Ideally Sam or Ci'ere since Dylan who I'm still not a fan of won.

Ci'ere has been making a bit more effort with me, which has me a bit suspicious, so Sam is ideal just to make it clear to Dani that I DO wanna work with her.

What do people do when they merge? Like this concept is so foreign to me that this laziness is actually nice. Its peaceful and serene. Like my god. If this is the case, why the fuck do I not try to make the merge more often? Honestly, this revelation is so beautiful, I may ugly cry just thinking about it!

ok no offense but the conflict between dani and ci'ere seems literally so beyond fake i can't even comprehend it. maybe im wrong but like it feels so planned, like dan's funeral or smth.

also ci'ere just like formally asked to work with me which was really sweet so hi. they also spilled some tea about roxy/drew/drew2.0 and how theyve been working together without me so. yoinks. glad i won immunity because i wouldve been so lost

Man i'm finna make that bitch dani leave, im working my ass off to save ciere and get her outta here since she's HELLBENT on getting us out. No no, you don't do that. Hope you enjoy merge boot and hopefully just missing out on jury :)

So yeah, the main name floating around has been ci'ere. But the thing is, I've been talking with people and dani seems disposable to a lot of people. So i'm tryna convince the people i'm close with to vote her out instead of ci'ere. Because here's the thing, if dani survives until next vote and ci'ere leaves, she's going to be after me. What i'm saying to my crew is that if ci'ere survives, he'll be with us while dani isn't close with like anyone, she just talks to throw names out cuz she sucks at this game. so like, if people really want ci'ere out, it'd be so much easier to simply blindside him next vote if we wanted, because he'd feel so safe. Esp since im 95% sure one of those 2 have an idol, so i'm gonna try my best to either flush it from ci'ere, or blindside the fuck outta dani sending her home packing with it

suprise bitches after a boring pre merge i am actually playing the game i just need to see which side everyone is on i may use my idol to have my side be on control i could probably be first merge boot before i play yikes! also me and loris are powerful... he has the legacy advantage his mind omg

I hate this cast. Yell at me for a short confessional if ya gotta.

Deadass probably setting myself up for failure this vote with going after dani so hard but fuck it idc, didn't have a chance to get rid of her after louise had left and she told toby to get the fuck outta here, and now I do and she's going and hopefully joins him in the vl :) toby this one's for you homie, miss ya lots <3

W e l l, things have went left here at the Orion camp 😄 I woke up to Andrea & Loris letting me know that Auva 2.0 was after me & that I should play an idol if I had one. Apparently the Auvacados are getting bad vibes from me? However, Dani was the one that made a move against y’all so why am I getting getting ya knickers in a bunch? I previously started laying down the groundwork to have people turn on Miss Dani, but I decided to toss that plan out the window. Last night, Loris told me that John Coffey was the Revati that flipped last round and it’s because he’s friends with Drew H. I’m certain that the Drews, Roxy, & John have an alliance that finalized right before the merge. So that needs to be broken up right away. I went to Dylan, an OG Auva, to let him know that his old tribemates said he was on the outs and they made an alliance with Louise, Dani, & I. He seems to be interested in voting with me, and if he isn’t, then he’s a flop.

Sam called me “babe” earlier & I really cannot with this flirting strategy, but I’m not opposed to it! I guess I would consider him my final 2, but I’d say he’s playing well so I might need to cut him before that hehe.

I don’t like this back and forth running around nonsense, so I’m laying it all out on the table. I exposed the Auvacado 2.0 alliance. I hinted that I have an idol that I really don’t want to use, but I probably will just in case they think I’m bluffing & people don’t target me in the future for it. Apparently this caused people to start scrambling which I’ll have you know is my favorite type of egg. Deviled eggs are good af too 😈

Sam says that we shouldn’t go for Roxy because he has an in with Drew T. & that we should keep Dani the target because she threw out our name. Dani says that John & Kori threw out my name to her. Do I believe her? Not exactly. In the tribe chat when I asked Dani to vote for Roxy, she says that she likes her & would rather do someone else. This is a mess. So right now it’s looking like myself, Sam, Andrea, Loris, Emma, Dylan & Drew T.?

Why is everyone always going after me what the shit. Its drew t and h fault im like their fuckin scategost I jk I love them but im so annoyed why is the fall out if the shit theyfor do, gets blamed on ne when I havent dine anything loll fuck off

I love u drews tho

I knew going into the merge that I wanted Ciere out sooner rather than later; and when an alliance with Dani and kori was formed I thought I’d be able to get him out right away. Dylan won immunity which is awesome because he’s easily my favorite right now. Idk what it is about him but we just vibe really well right now. I’m not sure where I stand with old revati other than kori who asked me to be his final 2 the other day. I’m a wannabe puppet master and nobody was taking my bait to vote ciere. Well it seemed like they were until little rat decides to announce that I had an alliance with the Drew’s and Roxy. I went telling everyone the chat is barely even active and we voted together once. As of now the majority is seeming to want Dani and Kori isn’t answering aoooo idk who I’m voting for I kinda still want to do ciere cause I swore to Dani I wouldn’t vote for her, but I also don’t like her attitude all that much tonight. Same old Dani from unifinished business, but I actually was going to have her back. I’m a mess!!!!!!!!111

WELL BITCH I MIGHT BE GOING. These motherfuckers REALLY want me gone huh? WELL IM NOT GOING OUT WITHOUT A FIGHT. Roxy will rue this day. ROXY WILL RUE IT. She just fucked over her whole damn alliance.

Dani is voted out 9-2-1.

[survivorbangladesh-blog]

EPISODE 10: “ELLIOTT IS A FLIP FLOPPING SNAKE (so am i tho) ” -Eddie

Yeah, about that dream final three with Eddie and Sarah, scratch that. It's now Sarah and Steph please and thank you.

oh................................................................ [11/9/16, 10:10:06 PM] Eddie Bracco: I’m sorry Sarah, but I just have the feeling in my gut that going with rob will be detrimental to both our games, he has literally flipped on every single person on this tribe. And my god tells me I have to do this. I really hope you can forgive me [11/9/16, 10:10:30 PM] Sarah: is rob going [11/9/16, 10:10:39 PM] Sarah: omg [11/9/16, 10:14:51 PM] Sarah: u just fucked my whole game over fuck you [11/9/16, 10:15:21 PM] Eddie Bracco: please come on call immediately with me [11/9/16, 10:15:28 PM] Sarah: no [11/9/16, 10:15:33 PM] Sarah: were not friends [11/9/16, 10:15:38 PM] Eddie Bracco: sarah come on call with me [11/9/16, 10:15:42 PM] Eddie Bracco: so i can explain to you [11/9/16, 10:16:13 PM] Eddie Bracco: Call  14 seconds [11/9/16, 10:17:04 PM] Eddie Bracco: Call  39 seconds [11/9/16, 10:17:10 PM] Eddie Bracco: Call – busy [11/9/16, 10:18:33 PM] Sarah: you had one chance and you fucked up [11/9/16, 10:18:35 PM] Sarah: congrats [11/9/16, 10:18:37 PM] Sarah: fuck you [11/9/16, 10:18:47 PM] Eddie Bracco: Call – busy [11/9/16, 10:18:56 PM] Eddie Bracco: Call – busy [11/9/16, 10:19:27 PM] Eddie Bracco: Call – busy [11/9/16, 10:40:56 PM] Eddie Bracco: Call  32 seconds [11/9/16, 10:45:49 PM] Sarah: WHY WOULD U THINK FOR A FUCKING SECOND THAT JOES FRIENDSHIP IS MOR EIMPROTANT THAN MINE [11/9/16, 10:46:08 PM] Sarah: HONESTLY EDDIE YOU SAY U FINALLY THINK FRIENDSHIOS ARE MRE IMPORTANT THAN THIS GAME BUT U KEEP FUCKING UO LIKE SERIOUSLY [11/9/16, 10:46:12 PM] Sarah: HOW FUCJIJBGTDARE U [11/9/16, 10:46:20 PM] Sarah: HOW FUCKING DARE YIU DO THIS TI ME [11/9/16, 10:46:22 PM] Sarah: FUFK YIUY [11/9/16, 10:46:24 PM] Sarah: FUCK OFF [11/9/16, 10:46:25 PM] Sarah: I HATE YIY [11/9/16, 10:46:26 PM] Sarah: NEVER [11/9/16, 10:46:28 PM] Sarah: SOEAK [11/9/16, 10:46:29 PM] Sarah: TOM [11/9/16, 10:46:29 PM] Sarah: ME [11/9/16, 10:46:30 PM] Sarah: EVER [11/9/16, 10:46:31 PM] Sarah: AGAIN [11/9/16, 10:46:33 PM] Sarah: EVER [11/9/16, 10:46:34 PM] Sarah: TEDDY [11/9/16, 10:46:37 PM] Sarah: WAS RIGHT AOIUT UY [11/9/16, 10:46:45 PM] Sarah: YOIU DOBT CARE ABOUT ANYIBNE BUT URSEKF’ [11/9/16, 10:46:49 PM] Sarah: HAGE FUNCKING FUN [11/9/16, 10:46:51 PM] Sarah: BUE’ [11/9/16, 10:46:53 PM] Sarah: FUCKING ASSHO,EL

ya idk what to do at this point bc the two people I trusted the most in this game are gone. What the fuck was eddie thinking when he made this move?!? Did he think I would forgive him for clearly putting joe before me? AND I LOOK LIKE A DUMBASS FOR THINKING HE EVEN CARED SO YEA. great. Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me so it looks like im the fucking joker. Congrats Eddie and Joe, you stayed for one more round. Fuck you both.

You'd think that she was the one that I idoled out not Ned....... [11/10/16, 3:14:37 AM] Sarah: ive literally been crying for the past 4 hours because I still dont know why you literally put joes game before our own friendship and deceived me like that. You didn't tell me, you made me lie to joe, you lied straight to my face for 3 days and now my game is over because of you and so is our friendship and im just really sad and as soon as ned went home because of you, i couldnt even enjoy my night out with aiden because all i wanted to do was fucking cry so congrats you blindsided me i really hope it was worth it [11/10/16, 10:02:28 AM] Sarah: still thinking about how you said you would never betray me over a game and you played me like a fool and i just want an explanation [11/10/16, 10:06:51 AM] Sarah: and if you think for one second if taking joe or elliott to the end guarentees you a win you thought wrong [11/10/16, 10:07:05 AM] Sarah: because no one in jury likes you [11/10/16, 10:07:06 AM] Sarah: like [11/10/16, 10:07:07 AM] Sarah: ????? [11/10/16, 10:07:10 AM] Sarah: wtf [11/10/16, 10:09:06 AM] Sarah: and dont even sit there and pretend this wasnt a plan to get me out [11/10/16, 10:09:08 AM] Sarah: like [11/10/16, 10:09:13 AM] Sarah: i know youre reading all of these [11/10/16, 10:09:18 AM] Sarah: so dont ignore me [11/10/16, 10:09:53 AM] Sarah: you backstabbed your bestfriend eddie...how is that a respectable game play. [11/10/16, 10:10:56 AM] Sarah: YOU LIED TO ME FOR 3 DAYS [11/10/16, 10:11:04 AM] Sarah: AND I WAS FUCKING THERE FOR YOU [11/10/16, 10:11:16 AM] Sarah: AND I SAID I WILL ALWAYS BE THERE FOR YOU [11/10/16, 10:11:21 AM] Sarah: BUT THEN YOU DID THIS [11/10/16, 10:11:26 AM] Sarah: LIKE WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT TO ME [11/10/16, 10:11:28 AM] Sarah: WHY [11/10/16, 10:11:36 AM] Sarah: YOU MUST REALLY FUCKING HATE ME HUH? [11/10/16, 10:12:18 AM] Sarah: and i literally cried all night because i just lost you as my bestfriend and i cant trust you ever again [11/10/16, 10:15:13 AM] Sarah: i know you're online and you've seen all of this so just fucking answer

SoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO SAM AND I HAVE FINALLY COME UP WITH THE NAME TO OUR ICONIC SECRET FINAL 2 AND IT'S BONNIE AND CLYDE SINCE WE'RE PARTNERS IN CRIME AND WE'RE STEALING THE WIN FROM EVERYONE SINGLE ONE OF THESE PLAYERS LEFT IN THE GAME.                                                                                                               So I’m going to go to Sam about this today but so basically, since I played my idol on the Joe who was my rival and saved him when he was a dead fish in the water, he trusts me so much and wants to go to final two with me. So he told me that the Elliott has an idol and what I’m going to do, is have Sam go tell Sarah that the Elliott has an idol, and that’ll get Sarah to want to blindside him and Sam will play both sides while i pretend that I’m 100% with Joe and Elliott and i’ll have her tell Elliott and Joe that they are going to vote me but are going to tell us its joe to blindside me, so that Elliott feels 10000000% safe, and I’m gonna have Sam vote with them and blindside Elliott with the idol and ill vote with Joe and Elliott to not expose myself and then the next round Sam will flip back to take out Sarah because Elliott is a serious comp beast and he could go on an immunity run and this round is the perfect round to take him out because in the pressure cooker that just happened he took a temptation so he can’t compete in immunity and him going on an immunity run with an idol in his pocket is even more dangerous

EDDIE IS THE BIGGEST IDIOT OF THIS WHOLE GAME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HIM AND I WENT ON CALL AND THE REASON HE WENT BEHIND MY BACK IS BECAUSE OF THE PANCAKES AND I TOLD HIM IT WAS FAKE!!!!!! IT WAS ONLY FOR ROB NOT TO FLIP ON US AND HE FELT SECURE AFTER THE F5 OF SAM, NED, EDDIE, ME AND ROB WERE DONE HE WOULD THINK THERE WAS A CHANCE FOR HIM AND LITERALLY HE BLINDSIDED EVERYONE BECAUSE OF A FAKE ALLIANCE AND ITS LIKE !??????????????????????????????????/ WHAT THE FUCK ARE U DOING?????????!?!?!?!? WE HAD another fight on call because he doesnt listen and just talks incessantly without reason,....but the fact that i have to be nice to him for a possible jury vote is like ugh ew gross   anyways so girls alliance now + rob. I dont KNOW what to fucking do now and im just so fucking shocked at how eddie would literally blindside everyone for ....JOE? Like if he makes it ftc and im in jury im going to make sure he doesnt win at all. Hes so fucking ugly and yea im bitter. At least he sank his own egotistical big ass ship. I FUCKING HATE HIM HES SO DUMB I HATE HIM SO MUCH HE HAS EXCUSES FOR FUCKING EVERYTHING AND ITS LIKE EDDIE STFU YOURE SO FUCKING ANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYING AND HES GOING TO SEE THIS AFTER THE SEASON BUT IDEC BECAUSE WE WONT BE FRIENDS :) I NEED TO CALL SAM SOON AND TALK GAME WITH HER AND FIGURE OUT WHAT THE FUCK WERE GOING TO DO BECAUSE AT THIS POINT ....SHES THE ONLY ONE I TRUST and now i have to make sure rob doesnt flip and make him know im taking him to f2 and do the same thing with steph and honestly after this blindside if i make it to ftc i better win because im truly the underdog who keeps losing allies and who keeps getting blind sided and my name is yet to get written down and its f7 nice.............. ugh smhsmhsmhsnmshsmhm joe is so ugly and so is eddie EVERYONE IS LOOKIN G FOR THE IDOL LIKE.....YA OK USE IT BITCH IDC FUCK OFF IM DONE

Whew, okay, so Final 9. I knew going into Pressure Cooker that there would be another tribal council either before or during it. So i brought the idea up to my "alliance" of Joe, Chris, Sam, Rob, and myself. We decide to go for Ned since he would be too busy to appear for Pressure Cooker, so there would be a shot he wouldn't be there for Tribal and therefore not be able to play his idol. So we get to Knight Moves which is kinda weird with 9 people, but there were a few things that were CLEARLY obvious that were happening. First, Ned, Eddie, and Sarah (pretty sure them three) all chose spots the were Joe's next moves, meaning they were clearly blocking him in and trying to keep him from winning. Which also meant that they were working together. It was also clear that Ned threw the competition to Eddie because there were multiple moves Ned could have made that would have ensured him like 3 more moves than anyone else. But Joe won immunity anyways which was hilarious. During the comp though, Sam and Rob flipped and decided to vote out Chris instead of Ned and not bother to tell me. So Chris gets blindsided which sucks cause like Chris was the last person I had in this game that hadn't actually lied to me (at least that I know of). Prior to him getting voted out, he told me his two clues to the idol which put the idol in either River or Marsh. I then won the reward challenge and got the third clue to the idol of looking for a low number. So then I knew the idol was in River or Marsh 1-4. The Brawn idol was in River so I felt that the merge idol would not be there. So during Pressure Cooker I start figuring out the idol. Joe and Eddie were yelling so much at each other that I knew they were planning on going much longer than I cared to go in Pressure Cooker. So I take a deal for F8 Immunity but can't play in F7 Immunity. I took that deal for a few reasons: 1) it was Immunity without having to beat Eddie and Joe. 2) If Joe won, Eddie could still play his idol and who knows who would have gone. 3) If Eddie won, he still could play his idol and who knows what kind of deal Joe and Eddie would make after I drop. 4) I had a very good shot at finding the idol. Then something extremely interesting happens shortly before Tribal. All of the sudden I'm given all of the power to decide who goes at Tribal. The plan was to blindside most people and have 5 votes on Joe and Eddie use his idol on Joe, they would vote Ned to blindside him, and I would vote Steph in case Ned played his idol. I don't think they thought about those implications when they decided the plan. I could have told Ned to play his idol and therefore save him, and I could have voted for someone else and that person would have gone instead. I was very tempted to do this, buuuuuuuuut realized that this was a moment to "build trust" with Eddie, Joe, and Sam (a new "alliance"). Ned was also someone I knew had that idol and also someone I did not feel I could beat later. He was also a comp threat and therefore a threat to me winning immunity here on out. So I decided to let the plan stay and have Ned get blindsided and vote Steph so the "alliance" thought I was fully with them. Voting Steph also allowed me to go to Sarah/Rob/Steph and tell them I had no idea yet again what the plan was and that I was blindsided too. Which Sarah has completely bought. I would feel bad if I hadn't been lied to and left out so much since merge. So oh well on them. So I find the idol right after F8 Tribal. This Idol is now the 4th Immunity I have had since Merge and I have only won one Immunity Challenge. The game has changed for me. I am no longer thinking how to not lose, or how to not get voted out next. I am now thinking about who does have to go next in order for me to win. I think I can win this game now. With that, I am now going on the offensive. In our "alliance" chat, Joe mentions not knowing where the idol is and that he hopes the other side doesn't have it. I mention i did not find it. I am the first person to look for the idol in merge. Joe is the first person to look after me. Joe's first place to look is Marsh 4, which is where I found the idol. So Joe knows I have the idol before he even messages the chat. But that's where he messed up. While not looking like anything overtly, he called me out for having the idol and not telling the group. Why he called me out if we're "together" I do not know. Which means we are not together. If we were together, then he would have politely asked me in a PM or call, and not in front of others. So I try and play that off the best I can, but the damage was done and I know Joe and probs Eddie are gunning for me. Eddie and I also have a conversation in which he claims the votes he know he doesn't have if he is in the Final 2. And what he said is true about the votes. But that's what makes him dangerous. If he knows he doesn't have the votes at the end, he knows who does. He also said that I am not a front runner to win this game. I am both flattered and highly offended at this comment. Flattered because my lying low is working. Offended because I'm pretty sure if I'm in the FTC I have a pretty good shot at winning. Taking the right people to the end with me, I know I have Drew's, Chris', Sarah's, Ned's, Sam's and probably Eddie's votes. So with all of that, Joe is my first target. I also know that Sam has to go in order for me to win. Ideally, I'd want to go to F3 with Steph and Rob. I think I could still win with a F3 of Steph and Eddie. Sam would split my vote, and I think Joe and Sarah have a fair shot at beating me in FTC. So that's what I have right now. I'd like to not use my idol at this Tribal, but I might have to because Joe might be up to some shady shit. I need to talk to Sarah more and figure out if Rob and Steph are okay trusting me with this vote to blindside Joe or Eddie. 

ELLIOTT IS A FLIP FLOPPING SNAKE (so am i tho) 

OK BUT BASICALLY HERES WHAT JUST HAPPENED [11/11/16, 8:14:38 PM] Eddie Bracco: [11/11/16, 7:29:35 PM] Eddie Bracco: Sam I just got off call with rob and did hella damage control and he told me something really big that has me shook jdfkjsnkjdj [11/11/16, 7:30:22 PM] Eddie Bracco: He told me Elliott went to Sarah about creating a final 4 with Him, Sarah, Rob, and Steph and them 4 going to the final4 together. And he told me that Sarah wants to do it. [11/11/16, 7:35:20 PM] Eddie Bracco: And I don’t think he’s lying about it because he also told me about the alliance that was created between you, Sarah, Steph, and him [11/11/16, 7:36:29 PM] Eddie Bracco: He also told me that Elliott told them that he has the idol and he couldn’t have made that up cause I had not told Rob that Elliott has the idol SO WE’RE SCRAPPING THAT PLAN THAT I TALKED ABOUT YESTERDAY IN MY CONFESSIONALS AND WHAT IM GOING TO DO IS HAVE JOE, SAM, AND I VOTE TOGETHER AND IM GOING TO TRY MY DAMNDEST HARDEST TO BRING ROB IN AN CONVINCE HIM TO BLINDSIDE ELLIOTT. ITS SUCH A RISKY MOVE BUT AT THIS POINT ITS OUR ONLY MOVE BECAUSE IF ELLIOTT REALLY WANTS TO GO TO FINAL 4 WITH THEM THAT MEANS HE WANTS TO TAKE ONE OF US OUT THIS ROUND FUCK MY LIFE Im in the bathroom right now relieving my body of all the toxins that I have filled it with today, and I think I just thought of the perfect way to convince rob to vote  elliott. 

I’m going to go to rob POSSIBLY tonight but I think it might be too early to do this tonight so I might do it tomorrow. And I’m going to bring up a conversation about who we should go after next. And I’m gonna let him tell me what he thinks and make him think I’m thinking about it and what not. And them I’m gonna be like “OMG ROB I THINK I JUST THOUGHT OF THE PERFECT PLAN” and I’m going to say what do you think about maybe taking out Elliott? And I’m going to tell him Elliott is really dangerous, he’s the person who is the best at comps, and he has an idol and he could go on an immunity run this might be our only chance to do it. BUT THATS NOT WHAT I THINK IS GONNA 100% CONVINCE HIM TO DO IT, WHAT I THINK WILL CONVINCE HIM TO DO IT, Is that I’m going to tell him that if we take out elliott this round. The next round will be Sarah vs Joe, and that Rob and I would be positioned perfectly where joe would trust me, and sarah would trust rob, and Rob and I would be in the middle and would be able to make the decision of which one of them is voted out. And I’m going to tell Rob, that if he votes Elliott out this round, as an apology for what i did last tribal council, I’m going to give him my word and swear on anything he wants me to swear on that I will do whatever he wants next round (which is a big fat ass lie). So basically I’m going to tell him that I will allow him to 100% make the decision on whether we side with Sarah or whether we side with Joe in the final 6. little does he know there’s no way in hell I’m not writing Sarah’s name down in the final 6 (angel)

"HOW DID THEY JUST STRAIGHT UP LIE TO MY FACE?!" I literally feel so bad for Sarah because she's SOOO MAD!! and I'm like YEAH SAME, but really I'm just like 'bitch I knew...' Sarah's gunna hate me when she finds out but like omg I can't believe how FLAWLESSLY I've been playing both sides. pretty soon I'm gunna have to pick a side I know but like they both think I'm with them, I'm not sure, if Elliott really did find the idol it won't be until NEXT vote, so at final 6 I'll have to pick a side, but like damn I went from the bottom to literally being perfectly in the middle from 10-6 Eddie told me that Elliott found the idol so if Elliott really found the idol, I find out who the #Blindsided alliance (me, Sarah, Steph, and Rob) are supposed to vote for and then I vote with them again but tell Elliott who to play the idol on and hopefully they vote for Sarah honestly because once she's gone Steph's vote falls to whoever, hopefully me honestly, then Rob is also kind of lost because he strikes me as the kind who really needs someone to tell him what to do but literally vote 10 I tell Sarah, Ned, and Eddie that it's gunna be Ariel and they think I'm with them so I'm gunna vote for her and keep their trust then find out who they're voting, 9 I vote for Chris and find out that Rob also voted Chris so I can tell Joe and Elliott that I found out last minute blah blah blah and literally Rob comes to me to make sure I'm not mad at him when I was planning on voting Chris before he even was, then for 8 I was already going to but Joe comes to me and tells me to vote him and tells me Eddie's whole plan when I literally came up with the plan WITH Eddie, and for 7 I can still vote with Sarah and all of them but tell them who to play the idol on, I'm so proud of just being able to play the middle for so long and I do feel bad lying to people and eventually I'm gunna have to turn on them but then I just remember that they all straight up lied to my face in the first two votes and purposely left me out even when I ASKED WHO THE VOTE WAS! so like fuck these people, I'm playing a cut throat fuck you game now and I'm gunna avenge Drew and Andreas's death! they did not die for nothing

CAN I JUST SAY I LOVE HER SO FUCKING MUCH I SERIOUSLY AM SO HAPPY TO HAVE MET HER IN THIS GAME AND THAT WE WORK SO WELL TOGETHER. SHE COULD LITERALLY VOTE ME OUT AND I'D SAY THANK YOU. [11/11/16, 10:58:10 PM] Eddie Bracco: I LOVE HER SO MUCH [11/11/16, 10:58:13 PM] Eddie Bracco: [11/11/16, 9:23:01 PM] Eddie Bracco: did he end up calling you? [11/11/16, 9:37:52 PM] Sam (Westeros Host): Yeah he did, he told me everything and literally has no idea we're together, we talked about me and him and possibly Elliott or someone else now since Elliott is being weird and I would NEVER want to go to the end with you :P blah blah blah other stuff make Joe feels like I'm gunna do whatever he wants [11/11/16, 10:35:44 PM] Eddie Bracco: I’m on call with him right now lol he told me everything you told me you told him lol [11/11/16, 10:46:38 PM] Sam (Westeros Host): I love it, he thinks he's this little messenger and it's like bitch we know [11/11/16, 10:56:22 PM] Eddie Bracco: JFDSJNSAKNALSK IM SCREAMING AT “ITS LIKE BITCH WE KNOW”

so apparently miss bitch Sarah is ready to get rid of me! her and Rob want me gone because they think I have a good shot to win the game, they're not wrong but like shhh don't tell people that! Thankfully, Eddie is 100% on my side and told me IMMEDIATELY! Eddie makes my life so much easier honestly because he's just there for me and I know that I actually have someone who's always got my back, it's nice. SO anyways, yeah Eddie told me that and then had Joe go and tell me all the same stuff because NO ONE KNOWS WE'RE TOGETHER WE'RE THE ACTUAL SECRET PAIR BEWARE! So yeah, Joe tells us that I'm the plan and Sarah wants to throw 5 votes on me 2 on Joe so Elliott should play his idol on me and then us three vote Sarah but as soon as he said it I was thinking that Elliott wouldn't want to use it on me because 1) we're not that close and 2) why would he trust that Eddie is telling the truth? if it were me I would immediately think it was a plot to get me to flush my idol and they vote me out instead and of course that's what he was thinking

CAN YOU FUCKERS WHO PLAYED THE TOUCHY SUBJECTS TONIGHT PLEASE TELL ME WHY I AM THE MAJORITY FOR THESE ANSWERS Who absolutely needs to get voted out next? EXCUSE ME? Who's the real puppet master of the season? ok.....but thats not ok for ppl to think Who do you think will win this game? :~) awe thanks but THATS STILL NOT GOOD Who is the shadiest player? @ ME NEXT TME BITCH Who will be the most bitter juror? I MEAN IT AINT A LIE Who mistakenly thinks theyre running this game? HOW U GONNA SIT THERE AND SAY IM THE “REAL PUPPET MASTER” AND I CAN WIN THIS GAME AND THEN SAY IM NOT ACTUALLY RUNNING IT!?!? ! Who are you afraid to betray? YEA THATS RIGHT! DONT FUCKING DO IT AND THOSE ARE THE ONLY ONES WE PLAYED I COULD BE IN MORE AND IM JUST IN SHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOCK and im sitting here like..........yall really gonna do me this dirty??!?! and these are the people im playing with............ NED WHERE ARE YOU? I MISS YOU WE COULD HAVE RUN THIS WHOLE GAME IF YOU WERE STILL HERE so anyways i called rob after immunity to congrats him I HATE HOW HE WON AND I CAME IN SECOND PLACE AGAIN FOR THE FIFTH TIME !!!!!!!!!!11 I AM LEGIT CURSED!!!! AND THERES ONLY ONE PERSON TO BLAME [2016-11-09 5:31:53 PM] julia: I am literally so sad freaking 15th place is like wtf [2016-11-09 5:32:00 PM] Sarah: sorry julia [2016-11-09 5:32:38 PM] julia: Its okay i hexed u to hell, so sooner or later you will bleed from your eyes, and your skin will randomly bubble and feel like i poured acid all over it JULIA PLS DKLJFDSK;LFJDSLKFJ ITS ENUF!!!!!!!!!!! ANYWAYS ROB AND I TALKED AND TBH I DIDNT EVEN PAY ATTENTION TO WHAT HE WAS SAYING because I was still shook about how i was literally the answer to all these questions fuck you alllllllllllllllllllll! but anyways eddie and I fought at the immunity which is so cute because we ended talking after :~) and GUESS WHAT1?!?!? SO like i lowkey hinted at eddie that i thot elliott had immunity which i already know but ya know and hes at the bottom rn and i dont want him going in all honesty because the way things are playing out sam and elliott are going to be sitting pretty and its like NUHUH BITCH NO WAY I think sam and elliott are lowkey close and theyre f2 but ANYWAYS Eddie and I came up with a plan to get rid of sam incase elliott plays the idol and even if he doesnt he def will next round after sam is gone!!!!!!!11 and i was totally worried about steph and rob not being on board but SAM GAVE ME GOLD TONIGHT AND MENTIONED STEPH AS A RANDOM THROW VOTE and im like THANKS SAM NOW STEPH WILL BE EASIER TO PURSUE AND now i just have to work on rob...which is gonna be hard so honestly pray for me BUT EDDIE IS GOING TO TALK TO JOE AND ILL GET BACK TO U YOU GUYS ARE PROB THINKING SARAH U LITERALLY CRIED ABOUT EDDIE BACKSTABBING WYD I HATE MYSELF THATS WHY!!!!!!!!!!!!1 no im jk ...i think i have a better shot at the end if i keep eddie over sam in ALL HONESTY Even if i dont win sitting beside him i would rather lose to him than elliott or sam who ppl are prob rooting for and thats just extremely ugly to me sam is just super sus and you never know what shes thinking and i need elliott to go and i need ppl on board with me and just sam and i came up with a plan of 4-3 elliott-joe but thats legit so risky because if joe and elliott compare notes they can idol me out and im just not here for it..truly ugly AND I REFUUUUUUUUUUSEEEEE to get idoled out AGAIN AND GET 7TH BECAUSE THAT 7TH PLACE CHAT IS JUST.....no thanks fam AND I WANT TO MAKE NED PROUD but hopefully if things go my way (WHICH THEY NEVER DO) it will be a 5-2 vote with sam and elliott being the two... ugh i hate trusting eddie again but after our fight at immunity ppl will never suspect us working together again HEHEHEHEHEHEH HOHDIOFKHJDPF'

[11/12/16, 6:48:00 PM] Eddie Bracco: I’ve been on call with rob for 6 hours [11/12/16, 6:48:13 PM] Younior- TS: Bangladesh Host: please [11/12/16, 6:48:33 PM] Eddie Bracco: i love him so much [11/12/16, 6:48:46 PM] Eddie Bracco: it’s gonna be hard to vote him out if i eventually have to [11/12/16, 6:48:55 PM] Younior- TS: Bangladesh Host: im shooked But basically ill copy and paste to you what i sent to sam to show you where my head is at. [11/12/16, 6:16:20 PM] Eddie Bracco: I think i might have been able to pull rob back in [11/12/16, 6:17:56 PM] Eddie Bracco: he wants swapped sundarya to be the final 4, or so he’s telling me [11/12/16, 6:18:19 PM] Eddie Bracco: he thinks we have the best chance at the final 4 with steph and joe [11/12/16, 6:18:48 PM] Eddie Bracco: i talked to him about elliott a bit and it seems he’s down for it [11/12/16, 6:19:51 PM] Eddie Bracco: his bootlist is: 7th: Elliott 6th: You/Sarah 5th: You/Sarah 4th: Joe 3rd: Steph And the me and him at the end if it’s a final 2 [11/12/16, 6:21:49 PM] Eddie Bracco: but i think we could get him to do sarah [11/12/16, 6:23:29 PM] Eddie Bracco: because i think he’s really being honest with me cause he said he wants to take out sarah because he was like saying he wants to take out sarah but that he would feel really bad about it because after the ned vote he promised sarah he would never right her name down unless he was in the jury and she was in the final 2

At this point i can literally copy and past what i say to sam in my confessional cause i don’t lie at all to her. Like anything I say in my host chat I would say to her cause I literally tell her EVERYTHING. Like I trust her with all my life. I really hope she doesn't cut me but she may be afraid I've played too good of a game since I literally tell her everything about my game. I'm just gonna go with it and hope she doesn't snip me. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Okay so, after the vote, I was really sad/mad/upset/disappointed/pissed. Eddie blindsided almost everyone, he used his idol on freaking Joe. Ned was voted out, however, in the process, he called me out. That's what pisses me off the most, that he did that. I NEVER did that to him, I never called him out. I can't trust what he's spilling, I don't know whether Eddie, is actually being fake to me. Whenever we talk, he seems so gentle and nice, but in VL's and live events, he's sort of a dick. He apologized, and he made it seem like he was helping me too, apparently Ned and Sarah had complete control of the game because they had Sam and Steph, and they actually didn't trust me.  I'm not sure whether that's true or not, from speaking to Sarah about Eddie, he's a really good speaker, so he's possibly trying to play me. I do believe that it is a possibility, and I'm going to take advantage of what he did if that's the case, however, I still don't trust Eddie anymore. There's now two alliances of four. Me, Sarah, Steph, and Sam: which I do prefer. Then there's Me, Sarah, Steph, and Elliott. I don't trust Elliott, we barely talk, but when we do, he's a dick, he's a good competitor in challenges, and he has the idol, he told Sarah, who told me. After the last tribal, my activity has been down. I barely talk to people, I basically talk to one person each day. So, winning the challenge was very good for me because I don't know what people are truly thinking now. The challenge was also very telling. Sam is a threat, which I already know, and I don't think she respects me as much as I respect her. Joe is a dick. Eddie is still being a drama queen. Steph is inactive and can't win. Sarah is shady and is a threat too. Me and Sarah had made a deal to be the final two in the challenge, and in the game. I was sad to see that I got "playing for second place," but I think that it could benefit me and my game. I have to play up the part, pretend to be beatable in the end. I do believe that I do have a chance, but I am bias so... Stephanie is going to be very threatening to me if that's the case, because we're both beatable, and she is much easier to beat. I hope they don't decide to take her instead of me. Seeing that I won, goes to show how I do know how people are feeling, I did in fact throw some questions, like the first one, because I couldn't show what I was truly thinking. People didn't cut my rope till I was in the lead, so that shows how much people like me. Heading into the vote, I hope that it's Joe. I haven't talked to him, and I want to be the last beauty standing, for sheer irony. I have talked to Eddie, and he told me that Sarah is going to make a move on Sam, whether that's true or not, because she is worried about Elliott's idol, I don't know. I wouldn't be against voting Sam out, because she is the person that's going to win in my opinion. It would depend if Sarah is actually going to do it. She may be spewing BS to Eddie. Also, Eddie has been annoying the shit out of me today. He's being so paranoid, which is understandable, but it's getting on my nerves. All day he's been like "oh, Sarah's going to tell you about the Sam vote." Sarah's been out with her boyfriend, and he knows that. He's like "did you talk to Sarah yet." Boy, she is still out, I told you that I'm trying to do my homework, yet here you are trying to ask me whether she's told me or not. I thought you cared about my education! I'm sorry Eddie, but it's bugging me.  <.< I think I talked about most everything?

SO........ THINGS ARE REALLY REALLY MESSY AT THE MOMENT.

I can't believe it. Sam was trying to get me out, that little bitch. Browneyedgirlxsg, I'm hurt. Okay, so I did try to get her out at final 8, but nothing came out of it, Eddie turned down my idea. I knew I couldn't trust her rat ass. Freaking "let's go with joe and elliott." She's going to win if this doesn't happen. Her, or the dickhead alliance of joe and elliott. One of them has to go, and if Sarah leaves, bet that there's going to be some dicks chopped tonight. Gordon, I have a little pene a la mode made from three cows ready to be served. WTH??? DID I JUST WRITE.

so apparently miss bitch Sarah is ready to get rid of me! her and Rob want me gone because they think I have a good shot to win the game, they're not wrong but like shhh don't tell people that! Thankfully, Eddie is 100% on my side and told me IMMEDIATELY! Eddie makes my life so much easier honestly because he's just there for me and I know that I actually have someone who's always got my back, it's nice. SO anyways, yeah Eddie told me that and then had Joe go and tell me all the same stuff because NO ONE KNOWS WE'RE TOGETHER WE'RE THE ACTUAL SECRET PAIR BEWARE! So yeah, Joe tells us that I'm the plan and Sarah wants to throw 5 votes on me 2 on Joe so Elliott should play his idol on me and then us three vote Sarah but as soon as he said it I was thinking that Elliott wouldn't want to use it on me because 1) we're not that close and 2) why would he trust that Eddie is telling the truth? if it were me I would immediately think it was a plot to get me to flush my idol and they vote me out instead and of course that's what he was thinking So Elliott doesn't know if he wants to play his idol on me which is totally understandable! Why would he? We barely talk honestly so like I get it, but if he doesn't play it then Eddie has to show his hand and vote for Sarah with us, so I told Eddie that Elliott probably isn't gunna play his idol on me so he agreed to vote for Sarah we just had to make it seem like Joe convinced him, so I told Joe he should try to sway Eddie because I don't think Elliott will play it on me so Joe did And I have to pretend like I have no idea that Eddie is 100% voting Sarah and the 4 of us SHOULD be voting together so And I have to pretend like I have no idea that Eddie is 100% voting Sarah and the 4 of us SHOULD be voting together so