#she doesn’t know she’s Lauren’s mum

[blaithnne]

Thought I’d finally explain their beef. They eventually reach a sort of truce and become frenemies

[cheriladycl01]

I’m in absolute awe with your writing, I’ve sat here reading so many.

I have an idea for a fic -

lando x Beckham!reader. Reader is playing in the grand final and it’s the Beckham family cheering and they pan the camera to her family bc she scores and they see Lando sitting, cheering and chatting with them so after they decide to hard launch

Chelsea vs Manchester City - Lando Norris x Beckham Reader

Plot: a football match couldn’t be the reason to hard launch a relationship… right?

It was the final match of the season and you were up against Manchester City. Your family had of course come to watch you. It was the first time your whole family was there. Usually it just happened to be your twin brother Romeo and your dad. But today you had Brooklyn, Cruz, Harper, Romeo and your mum and dad.

Your boyfriend, F1 driver Lando Norris had also managed to come to your game. This was a surprise and you didn’t actually know he was coming, but with him and Romeo being good friends they’d organised the little surprise for you.

It was 15 minutes into the match and you were yelling to your team-mate Lauren to pass the ball to you, one of the Man-City girls was blocking you but as the ball was kicked in our direction you ran forward for the ball, kicking it back to Lauren running further up the pitch to the goal as its passed back to you.

You are in the zone, you foot breezes through the air and drives into the ball and before you can blink its in the back of the net.

1-0 to Chelsea.

Your team-mates all come up to you pulling you into a celebratory hug shaking your shoulders and one of them evening lifting you up into a hug. You cheer loudly practically screaming.

“And what an incredible goal that was, Lauren James and Y/N Y/L/N, what a dynamic duo they are! Honestly their team work is impeccable” one of the commentators for Sky Sports sounds just as the TV pans to your family. Not that you see that as your too busy celebrating with your team.

It shows Romeo and your dad embrace while Harper and your mother cheer with some polite claps for you. Brooklyn and Cruz are like hooligans jumping up and down chanting your name. Lando also gets shown on camera, and all that can be said is that when the camera replays his reaction along with the rest of your family when the goal went in he looked like a typical British lad at a football match a massive cheer and aggressive yet passionate smile on his face before turning to celebrate with your family.

“Here is the Beckhams family, such an iconic name, all of them here to support Y/N and we also have McLaren F1 Driver Lando Norris with her family. Obviously we’ve seen he’s friends with Romeo Beckham, Y/n’s twin but that was an incredibly passionate reaction for a driver who says he doesn’t involve himself in football as much anymore” a commentator adds, as your family’s celebration is shown.

“So Lando, you like watching my sister?” Romeo asked as he leaned over to Lando who was avidly watching his sister.

“Well, she is my girlfriend mate” he laughs taking his eyes off you for a split second to look at Romeo.

“Your smitten and it’s fucking disgusting” Romeo gags looking at Lando with a harsh expression.

“Calm down man, I might be part of the family one day” he teases elbowing his friend.

“Regrettably I think you already are. Mum and dad love you. Cruz is obsessed with you more than my sister… Harper loves the gifts you bring her and Brooklyn enjoys your convos. I hate to say it but you’re a Beckham” he laughs, he loved that his sister had actually ended up with Lando, he was a good friend and someone he could trust with his twin. Someone he was insanely protective over.

The match continues, Man City equalise just 5 minute before halftime. Sam Kerr your teammate scored one minute before, just after you got a yellow card that had both you and your family crying out in protest. You to the ref and your family just to one another.

Everyone could see the unhappy look on Lando’s face as he complained to your dad and brother.

After halftime break where you spoke about strategy and how to keep up the effectiveness going forward it was back out onto the pitch for all of you.

You scored another goal, making the scores 3-1 and before you knew it time was up and you were celebrating with your girls the win of the championship. You also were excited as this was your’s and Lauren’s chance to get onto the English Women’s Team.

After you showered and got out of your sweaty kit you went out to find your family and boyfriend. The first person you saw was your dad and you ran up to him pulling him into a massive hug.

“There she is, my little star!” Your dad cries holding you tightly against him. The rest of your family hug and kiss you, making it known just how proud they are of you. Lando was the final face you turned to see. Your family of course knew about the two of you and had seen you two interact in the family house and when you all went out for dinner.

He pulled you in for a soft kiss, Cruz and Harper immediately teasing you about it while Romeo cringes away.

“Lan, please that’s my twin sister” he cringes and looks between the two of you who have now finally pulled away from each other.

“Awwww leave them Romeo, I see myself and your father in them, but even more romantic” your mother smiles and you cannot help the big goofy grin that comes over you face.

“So, I may have been on TV, I’m kind of famous now!” He grins and Brooklyn and your dad laugh at his joke.

“Haha very funny baby” you laugh sarcastically and look at the rest of your family who have slowly started to back away to leave you and Lando alone.

“Where are you guys going? I thought we were all going to dinner and then me, Brooklyn, Cruz, Romeo and Lando were going to the club to celebrate?” You ask as they all look to one another debating who was going to explain.

“Yes, but we’ll meet you there. Lando’s driving you and Romeo!” Your mother starts and before you can even ask where Romeo is going if he was going in the car with you.

“Before you say anything I’m going to the toilet. That game was riveting and I couldn’t leave my seat, okay? I’ll meet you at the car” Romeo says before jogging of round the corner. The rest of your family also left and you were left with Lando, standing hand in hand.

“Baby have you seen twitter since the match?” He asks his brows slightly furrowed and a nervous aura around him.

“No, I haven’t why? Has something happened?” You ask looking over him, checking out his know awkward body language.

“Well, we are … sort of trending because I was sat with you family, people think we’re dating now.”

“Well, we are dating…” you giggle and he nods slowly.

“I know, and we’ve been dating for a while and I just wanted to know if maybe you thought it was time we … hard launch?” He blurts out and you just keep smiling at your silly boyfriend who looks so nervous asking you this. Anyone else would think he was proposing to you right now.

“Yes, let’s do it!” You smile at him squeezing his hand.

“R-really?” He asks and you nod, pulling him in and kissing his cheek.

“Yes baby.” You nod.

y/user

Liked by landonorris, romeobeckham and others

y/user: It’s been an incredible weekend. Loved getting to share the win and championship with my family 🏎️⚽️

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landonorris: I love you baby, so so proud ❤️

-> y/user: love you infinite amounts 😩

user1: see how Y/N considers Lando part of her family? Very cutesy, very demure 🏎️🌸

romeobeckham: THATS MY TWIN, sick stuff Y/N 👩🏼‍🍳

-> y/user: you next!

user2: HARDLAUNCH Y/N! Is that you and Lan after the match?

-> y/user: yeah he gave me the biggest hug! 🎀

-> user2: OMG QUEEN REPLIED?

davidbeckham: Dad is proud hunny! You did amazing stuff out there today 🤙🏼✅

mclaren: Will you exchange Blue for Papaya for a race? 💙<🧡

-> y/user: depends on the offer admin 👀

-> landonorris: BABY! You were supposed to say yes! 😩🧡

oscarpiastri: can’t wait to see you at the next race!

Instagram Story Caption

THATS MY GURLS 🌸💕🐷🎀🤙🏼

landonorris

Liked by y/n, oscarpiastri and others

landonorris: So … this is mine now apparently? She’s non-refundable 🫣💙

View all comments

y/user: excuse me? 🥺

-> landonorris: I joke I joke! I love you baby 🫣💙

lewishamilton: amazing win y/n and congrats you guys.

danielricciardo: it’s about damn time, I been hearing all his bitchin and whinin and pinin

-> visacashapprb: Daniel, Admin are requesting you kindly take this down

maxverstappen1: Well done mate. You managed it 🤙🏼

Instagram Story Caption

LOOK AT MY GIRLFRIEND RN 🥺🌸

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[mysunshinetemptress]

Never Grow Up-T.V.

Alessia Russo x Reader x daughter

Warnings: haven’t written anything in a while so if it’s terrible writing please bear with me as I get my head back into it. Not everyone’s experience with anxiety is the same this is mine, the feelings I get so it might not match with yours . Anyway enjoy

“I’m pregnant”

She’s pregnant, Alessia’s pregnant, your wife is pregnant.

This is what you wanted, what you both wanted, so why do you feel a sinking feeling in your stomach, why has a knot formed in your chest.

This is what you wanted, all you have ever wanted, a family with Alessia, yet you feel a sense of impending doom, failure even as your wife looks at you with tears spilling softly down her rose tinted cheeks. Happy tears. Alessia’s happy, over the moon even. But all you feel is anxiety, nerves, impending doom.

You plaster on a smile and pull her into you as tightly as you can whispering how much you love her, how excited you are, how you can’t wait to meet them.

You tell your families fourteen weeks later, just as a small bump begins to form and you stand back and watch as Alessia’s family jump from where they are sitting, her brothers get to her first both wrapping her in a hug, just the three of them, then her sister in law Lauren, and finally her parents. You don’t move though, you can’t that feeling of impending doom, of failure seeps back into your bones like an old friend, you move on autopilot as Alessia’s family move from her to you. You don’t hear them as they spout their congratulations to you, yet you answer with quite thank yous, autopilot stays in complete control even as Alessia moves to you wrapping her arms tightly around, squeezing you her excitement, relief radiating from her like the sun.

You don’t tell anyone else she’s pregnant, Alessia tells everyone, she tells your friends, your band, your team, her friends, her teams. She can tell there is something wrong but she puts it down to the pressure of trying to finish a tour while she’s pregnant, that your worried about her and bump and so she tries to calm your woes by updating you on every little thing.

“Bump is the size of a peach”

“Bump is the size of an Avocado”

“Bumps the size of a Banana”

“It’s my twenty week scan tomorrow baby, you’re still able to come aren’t you, they can tell if bump is a boy or a girl.”

You hadn’t been to a scan since the ten week check up, you had tried, really you had but with the tour and that sense of impending doom you had been unable, you couldn’t miss this one, not the halfway mark, it would be unfair to Alessia, to bump. So you go.

You hold her hand the entire way to the hospital, you squeeze it tighter as you walk the halls of the hospital, so tight that Alessia looks at you her eyebrows pushed together, worry etched across her face.

“Do you wish to know the sex of the baby.”

You watch as Alessia adjusts herself on the bed, as she tells the radiographer no, that it’s a surprise.

As the image of bump comes on the screen you grab Alessia’s hand, as the heart beat, bumps heart beat sounds through the speakers you welcome in that old friend anxiety, you don’t welcome it really, you hate it, you hate feeling this way, the sense of impending doom, of failure running through you.

You feel sick as your eyes flick between Alessia and the baby on the screen, your baby.

Autopilot mode kicks in shortly after and you spend the rest of the day floating around on it. You feel terrible, both with this constant feeling weighing you down as well as the feeling and thoughts of letting Alessia down, of disappearing and going on tour, of disappointing her throughout her pregnancy and in the future when you officially become a mum.

Alessia doesn’t know what to do, your there but your not there and it’s been like this for months, but you won’t talk to her, if you just talked to her she could put your mind at ease she knows she could.

You finish your tour a month before Alessia’s due date, you arrive home and although you had been popping in and out through it all you feel as though you have missed so much.

“Bump is the size of cos lettuce.”

“Bump definitely takes after me, definitely a striker in the future.”

“Bump has lungs now, baby I made lungs, that’s so crazy.”

“Do you want to feel Bump kick”

That feeling doesn’t leave you for the remaining month of Alessia’s pregnancy, you can’t tell her, she is to excited, she will think your being silly, but you have to talk to someone, that’s how you find yourself outside the Russo family home, your mother in law looking at you face etched with worry.

“I-I’m sorry I didn’t know what else to do. I-I’m so lost.”

You blink as you realise you’re sitting in the Russo’s kitchen, cup of tea in-front of you as both of your in-laws look at you concerned.

“What’s going on darling.”

“I-I’m failing Alessia.”

“I-I’m failing Bump.”

Carol grabs your hand, “oh darling you haven’t failed anyone, what’s going on.”

You want to tell them you do, you want their help but you can’t help but think about the disappointed look on Alessia’s face when you get home and she sees you went to her parents instead of her.

“I’m sorry I-I have to go…I really am sorry I wasted your time.”

Your home before you feel like you have even taken a chance to breathe.

“Y/n”

Alessia’s knocking on your car window, wrapped in your jacket, she’s still shaking slightly, you can’t let her freeze out here, you can’t let Bump freeze and so your out of the car arms wrapped around Alessia as you pull her inside.

“Y/n.”

“Y/n what’s going on.”

Your back is turned as you make the both of you a hot chocolate, but Alessia can see the knot forming in your shoulders, the tension.

“How do you know you’re going to be able to do this, that you’re going to be a good mum.”

Alessia’s eyes soften immediately her hands going to rub her bump in comfort.

“I don’t, I have no idea what’s going to happen when Bump gets here but I know I’m going to try my best, that you are going to try your best and together we are going to do everything we can to raise Bump the best we can.”

“I-I went to your parent’s house, I-I left shortly after because I didn’t want you to feel like disappointed or sad in yourself for me not being able to talk to you but I feel like a failure.”

Alessia moves around the kitchen island so she’s standing on the same side as you but doesn’t close the gap to you, you need your space right now and she knows that, of course she does.

“I understand baby, I do. Sometimes it’s easier to talk to someone who isn’t me but thank you for telling me how you feel. But I need you to explain to me why you feel this way, why do you feel like a failure?”

You don’t look at her, your eyes drop from her hands tracing circles on Bump to the floor.

“I-I don’t, I have this feeling, the feeling like a knot in my chest and my stomach drops and I get this sense of impending doom, of failure and it’s been with me since you told me you were pregnant.”

“Y/n”

“I want this, I have wanted this forever, with you forever but I just, you told me and this feeling creeped in and I can’t shake it, but I need you to know I want this.”

Alessia steps forward now grabbing your face softly between her hands.

“I never doubted you wanting this, not once but I did notice you going quite on me and I can only help when you tell me, I’m scared too trust me but we are a team, we will face this together.”

Alessia’s words settle you slightly but still that feeling follows you, it follows you the entire way to the birth of your daughter.

“It’s a girl.”

A girl, you have a daughter, a baby girl.

“Amelia”

“Amelia Mariona Russo”

She was here and she was perfect so perfect you were scared to hold her.

“You won’t break her.”

The nurse tries to get you to sit down, your t-shirt off for skin to skin but you can’t, you don’t want to break her.

Alessia shuffles on the bed and pulls you into her so you’re sitting on the bed with her, she pulls your t-shirt off and nods to the nurse as she brings your daughter over, she’s resting on your chest before you can blink and your hands shake as you try to figure out what to do, how to hold her.

“Just lie back with me and relax.”

You do, you lie beside Alessia for an hour before the nurse comes back in and takes her away for her checks.

Alessia falls asleep and you feel lost so you decide to go for a walk, head to the gift shop, you’re proud of yourself, you held your daughter, you didn’t break her.

But that comes crashing down as you come up to the nurses station.

“Her wife is incompetent, honestly I feel so sorry for her she had to move over on her bed to get her wife to hold their daughter, like come on the girl just gave birth and had to baby her own wife.”

You are failing.

The Russo’s arrive a short while later, you hand Luca the ballon’s you had gotten your girls as you sit outside the room, your failing.

You can’t fail, Alessia’s to good for you to fail, Amelia is to perfect for you to fail.

Alessia and Amelia are kept only for one more day, you stand in the corner out of the way as you watch the nurse talk to Alessia, explaining things to her, telling her if she needs anyone to call her, even she knows you failing, that your a failure.

You carry Amelia out along with all the bags, it’s the least you can do you think, Alessia has done so much, will do so much. You drive home the slowest Alessia has ever seen you drive and she can’t help but add it to the tally of things you do, are doing to be a good mum.

There is a pile of books on the kitchen counter, books about baby’s, about raising baby’s, kids, teenagers.

“What are these.”

You set Amelia’s baby carrier on the counter, pushing it in incase she rocks it so it doesn’t fall off the counter.

She’s two days old, she hasn’t opened her eyes for more than an hour, she can’t rock a baby carrier, but you can’t help it.

“Books, for-for me I-i want to be perfect for her,for you and these can help-I heard the nurses say these can help.”

She’s here but the feeling doesn’t leave, the feeling of impending doom, of failure, of anxiety.

You help as best you can, as best you can while barely holding her.

She doesn’t sleep well, you get up every time, you hold her then, you try to settle her by yourself, prove to yourself, to her, to Alessia that you can do this, you do everything those stupid books tell you you should do to get her to settle but nothing works. You find yourself waking up your exhausted wife, Alessia, every night.

“I’m-I-she won’t settle, I’ve tried everything but she-she won’t settle.”

“I-I don’t know what to do, I-I’m so sorry I know I should know what to do but I-please help.”

Alessia is patient, so patient with you and you don’t know why.

Your trying, your trying so hard and she loves that about you, that you wake up at all hours of the night trying to do everything to make your daughter happy, to settle but it’s a hard job, but she is happy to help every time because you try, your trying.

It takes Alessia all of five minutes to get her to settle and back to sleep and you can’t help but feel yourself sinking more and more.

Weeks pass and every night is the same, every night you try and try and try and every night you fail, again and again.

Your not there when the nurse calls in, after the first visit where the nurse sent you to make her and Alessia tea and brought Alessia and Amelia into the living room before you had even made your own you took that as a hint, the nurse ones you were a failure, she didn’t want to waist her breath on you, Alessia knew what she was doing. So you make a habit out of not being there that is until you have to go to the hospital for Amelia’s six week check up.

Amelia turns six weeks in a blink of an eye and you’re back at the hospital to make sure she’s still perfect. Of course she’s still perfect.

“How are you today Mrs Russo.”

Alessia holds your hand as you hold Amelia in the other, you’re holding her more often now.

“I’m good, we are good.”

“I can see someone is finally stepping into their role.”

Alessia feels you tense, she hates this, she hates the way the nurse treats you, as if you’re just a little blip in her and Amelia’s life.

“What do you mean.”

The nurse looks taken aback.

She answers but you don’t hear her, you look down at the baby sitting in your lap as you take in her face, she looks just like Alessia, she’s perfect and you’re still failing.

Everyone can see that.

You don’t remember anything else happening but Alessia pulling you out of the seat and walking to the door, you don’t hear her shouting at the nurse for being so rude, for not understanding.

Your not failing, your learning how to swim and sometimes when you start to get to the deep end you panic a little but it’s getting easier to just keep going, Alessia can see that, she can feel that.

You hold Amelia more, you don’t wake her up in the night to help settle her as much anymore, she can see it, everyone can see it but you.

Amelia has these big blue eyes, you’ve read somewhere that they will change colour in a few months but you hope they don’t, she has the most perfect big blue eyes, Alessia has seen them but never noticed how they constantly search for you until now.

Now at four o’clock in the morning as Amelia won’t settle and Alessia is getting restless not feeling you beside her that she wanders the house in search of you both, only to stumble into your studio.

Your playing guitar, chords she hasn’t heard you play before, Amelia perched on top of the instruments body head turned looking straight at you her big blue eyes watching your every facial feature as she smiles.

She’s smiling

Oh my god she’s smiling, actually smiling for the first time and it’s for you, because of you.

You don’t take your eyes off her as you hum the melody and play the chords.

You don’t take your eyes off of her as you begin to sing a song you’ve written just for her.

Alessia can’t take her eyes off you both as you continue to sing, your perfect, your both perfect, so perfect.

You aren’t a failure, you are still struggling through the water but you’re slowly learning to float, to swim and she can see that in the way your shoulders are so relaxed singing to your daughter.

You are a complete different Y/n than the one who stood crying in the kitchen a month ago, worrying about letting her down, about letting Amelia down.

This is it she thinks, you ever feel like that again, where the anxiety is so bad you have this feeling of impending doom over you, seeping into your bones, she’ll remind you of this, the moment you made your daughter smile, you settled her, all while writing a song for her.

You’re perfect, Amelia is perfect, Alessia is perfect, this little family you have created is perfect.

[queenshelby]

Yes! Mr Murphy (Rewritten)

PART 14: A CALL FROM NINA

Pairing: Cillian Murphy x Reader

Warning: Angst, Age Gap, Teacher x Student, Fluff

Note: This is just a cute little fluffy telephone call transcript between Cillian and his daughter Nina in this fic...

Cillian: "Hi Sweetheart, how are you?"

Nina: "Pretty good. I am actually just calling to let you know that Max and I will see you on Sunday evening for Grandma's birthday. Mum said we can come but you need to pick us up. We can stay with you until Tuesday mum said"

Cillian: "Really? That's awesome. I can't wait to see you"

Nina: "Me too. You know, we have this new dance teacher. Her name is Y/N. I am not sure if mum has told you or not"

Cillian: "No she hasn't, but do you like her?"

Nina: "Yes, she is super cool. She is really funny and she’s such a good dancer. She even has a couple of tattoos. I just don't think mum likes her"

Cillian: “Really? Why didn’t she like her?”

Nina: “I don’t know. Mum said that she is too young and doesn’t know what she is doing”

Cillian [chuckles]: “Right! You had fun though?”

Nina: "Yes, so much fun [pauses]...Did I tell you about her tattoos?”

Cillian: “You did”

Nina: “Can I get one?”

Cillian: “A tattoo?”

Nina: “Yes”

Cillian [sternly]: “No”

Nina [begging]: “How about a piercing?”

Cillian [sternly]: “No! I already got in trouble with your mother when I let you have your ears pierced”

Nina [firmly]: “I am almost 13 dad!”

Cillian [chuckles]: "I know but I won't let you have any tattoos or piercings until you are 18 and I am sure neither will your mother”

Nina: “You are so uncool”

Cillian [laughs]: "I know. Your brother reminds me of that all the time"

Nina: "I have to go now. Dinner is ready. Love you"

Cillian: "I love you too sweetheart"

To be continued…

Please comment and engage. I love getting comments and predictions pretty please!

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@kissforvoid

@bluebird592

@1eugenia1isabella1

@esposadomdp

@lulunalua23

@lovelace42

@bookklover23

@iwantmyredvelvetcupcake

@moonmaiden1996

@marlenamallowan

@cyphah (cannot tag)

@majesticcmey

@cleverzonkwombatsludge

@throughgoeshamilton

@alessioayla

@elenavampire21

@justforfiction

@cilliansangel

@alannielaraye

@satellitelh

@pandoramyst

@duckybird101

@snixx2088

@kylianswag

@alessioayla

@pono-pura-vida

@iraisbored69

@howling-wolf97

@aesthetic0cherryblossom

@weirdo-rules

@lovemissyhoneybee

@dazaiscum

@esposadomd

@etherealkistar

@ur--mommy

@throughgoeshamilton

@celverzonkwombatsludge

@cyphah

@atomicsouldcollecto

[aidanxsophxoxo]

Julia Quinn - Luna’s Mother 🌸🌷

Name: Julia Quinn

Age: 28

Nickname: Jules

Birthday: May 6th

Personality: Julia is a bubbly person and loves to chat. Julia presents herself well either wearing mum clothing or a successful business woman. Julia does worry as a natural mum would. Julia is kind and caring towards anyone but if anyone hurts her friends or family, you’ll wish you never done anything to them.

Powers: Julia doesn’t have any powers but with her knowledge of science, she has been making weapons to help defend herself and the avengers (she recently joined and works along side bruce)

Family:

- Mary - Julia’s Mother

- Keith - Julia’s Father

Sexuality: No label, Experiments to find out who she really is.

Facts about Julia: Julia has been searching ever since for her daughter Luna Marsh. After she was sent back to earth after being unconscious she didn’t have her baby which killed her. Julia searched far and wide and tried to get back but she never managed to but she never gave up. She used her science degree and made an application to the avengers tower, that would be her best shot. She’s been working there for a bit under a different last name. Before she was married to hades, he was a changed man but she was wrong and fooled. Her parents are the kindest parents she could ask for. They know they have a grandchild but they have faith julia will find them.

Face Claim: Lauren Graham.

@blueboirick @msrochelleromanofffelton @jackiequick @gcthvile @wolfstar-being-ridikkulus

Hope yall like her!🥺💖

[masons-tours]

I feel so bad for Lauren (Declan’s gf) she used to get body shamed a lot before but Declan was never that popular so it didn’t used to reach a large audience but ever since he joined Arsenal he is now talked about more than ever everyone thinks they have a right to talk about who he dates? They think he deserves a latina bbl baddie (😭) forgetting he is ugly and just bc he is rich that doesn’t mean he should be with someone that will use/rinse him. Lauren has been with him since they were children so she loves him for him and now ever since she had Jude she still has a lot of baby weight (which is fine) but on Twitter an unflattering pap pics has come out of them and now ppl are body shaming her more than ever. Also I know for a fact their mums look like her and they say nothing to them but it ok to comment on someone’s body that they don’t know??? (sorry this is so long lol)

I love Lauren.

She is one of the more naturally beautiful WAGs and it hurts to see the way Twitter football fuck wits react to her the pack of cunts.

[doyelikehaggis]

been watching cindy’s return and like she doesn’t really mention cindy jr or steven as much as lucy. so im newer viewer and idk why but i was just wondering if peter actually got on with them? i know he did with lucy and does with bobby but im just wondering

Steven definitely gets more mentions than Cindy Jr, but you're right in saying it's nowhere near as much as Lucy. When Peter was younger, he really looked up to Steven and adored him (as did Lucy, so much so that when she ran away from home, he was the only one who knew where she was for months). I don't remember when exactly that stopped, probably around the time that Steven initially left the square. I didn't watch the years that Steven returned and died during (which I think was Ben Hardy's era) so I'm not sure what the dynamic was like then, but considering Steven was engaged to Lauren for a hot minute, I imagine Peter wasn't quite so keen on him at that point. I also didn't really watch Cindy Jr's episodes tbh so I don't know what the dynamic was like at all with her and Peter, I'm afraid. However, he did live with her for a little while when he and Lucy went to live with her and their gran (Cindy's mum) in Devon, so there's that!

[mental-health-advice]

I don't really know how to start this off, but here I go; I'm kind of stuck in a situation where I don't know what to do. A while ago, me (15) and my cousin (14) were discussing how our lives were going and how we both have had thoughts of suicide. This led to her showing me a scar on her wrist (that she had cut). Now, as much as I'd thought about it, I have never cut myself before so I was somewhat in shock when I saw it, especially since she's younger than me. She told me why (her mom had almost hit her, and they get in fights a lot, plus some other stuff), and then said that now she is going to therapy with her mom. Personally, I wouldn't want anyone to tell my parents about my depression, but I've started getting worried for her recently. Before the school year began, one of my peers committed suicide and made me realize just how real my depression, and other people's depression is. I am scared that she might kill herself and I don't know what to do. I'm also scared that if I were to tell someone, she would hate me. I really don't know if I should tell an adult or leave it be and hope therapy helps her.

Hey there,

It’s not unusual for people to think about suicide at some point in their lives and it sounds as though your cousin got some comfort in knowing that she wasn’t the only way who had felt that way which may have made her at ease enough to let you in on that she had self-harmed in the past. It can be quite a shock when one hears of another person’s self-harm and especially if they do not know much about it. It’s important to recognise though that even though someone may self-harm it does not mean they want to commit suicide, but rather they find a release in self-harming and it’s a coping strategy for them. For some information on self-harm please do check out our page on it here.

With saying all of this though, your concerns are valid and especially if you have seen changes in your cousin that is atypical to how she normally is. For example, has her mood suddenly changed and she seems happier than normal and out of nowhere, or has she recently been talking about suicide or wanting to end her life. Things like this can signal that things aren’t so great and this is when I personally would reach out to an adult that I both trusted and felt comfortable in confiding in. And yes, your cousin may ‘hate’ you at first but in time she will see that you have her best interests at heart and you just want to make sure she is safe and OK and getting the help and support that she may be needing. It’s so great that she is currently in therapy with her Mum, but sometimes one-on-one counselling can be of more benefit and especially if your cousin is really struggling as she may find she is able to talk a bit more freely without her Mum present. I am not saying that therapy with parents doesn’t have its value, but it just depends on what your cousin is needing most at the moment and how others can best support her at this time.

I am so sorry to hear that you lost one of your peers to suicide earlier on in the school year. How have you been managing this grief? It is never easy when we lose someone to suicide and it can bring up a whole lot of emotions and concerns for others who may be at risk. It’s important to realise though that everyone’s situation is different and whilst it’s healthy to some degree to worry about others you care about, you have to make sure that you also look after yourself and your own mental health as well.

I really hope that this has helped a bit and please do let us know if we can help to support you in any other way!

I’m thinking of you and hope that you are going well!

Take care,

Lauren

[waglifeornolife]

one of the reasons i though sophie was with reece is because her and ben follow each other on ben’s priv. ben is really close with reece so it makes sense.

still though i think ben’s family know reece’s family quite well (sometimes on alex’s story when she goes to games you can see a card saying 24 on the table so i think her and her mum sit with reece’s family sometimes). ben doesn’t follow lauren but she probably has a priv that he might follow on his priv. so i guess sophie could be lauren’s gf

🫶🏼

[decayingblorg]

5/1/2023

Another day of not much happening! I mean I don’t go out alot anyway. (My friends are all mostly through XIV and they literally live at different corners in the UK). I only have one friend, Lauren. But even then she doesn’t live here but in a few towns over. But we are planning to have a game night at some point soon which is always a good laugh! We always find so much to talk about and we laugh and reminisce about the Hospital wards we’ve been in and how literally mental some of them are. Most of the staff area massive arseholes. Shout and yell at you for nothing, make you cry. Heck, I was attempting to try and hook a towel around the door and tie it around my neck. I sat on the floor crying and all I had was a member of staff (she had a fat arse and thought she looked good in leather trousers) shout at me and calling me stupid. Then proceeding to talk all my possessions away from me. Including blankets and covers. Had to sleep with my dressing gown over me. Now before people get confused, it was only a towel, they are a lot bigger than they look compared to my clothes which I wouldn’t be able to do shit with in such regards. Fucking crazy lesbian leather woman took it all (and a dressing gown is about the size of one of those towels and yet didn’t take that off me!?) anyway, going abit off topic. That should hopefully be happening soon with Lauren! I am excited whenever we meet and chat and laugh. Autism really helped us to just click. But yeah, she is lovely and caring and is doing so bloody amazing. She used to be in and out of hospitals for many years. But it seemed the last one she was in, we were both in infact and neither of us have gone back since. It’s good for me because I’d been in 3 times within the space of a year. But she’s been in so many and now she is at the point where she doesn’t need a mental health team behind her anymore and she is flourishing and it’s so amazing to see that happened. She’s done so well.

Not much else to say truth be told. Apart from the car! I said yesterday that they hadn’t been back that previous night. What happened was they came back again last night. And I know for a FACT they’re tied to the neighbour because when the neighbour parked his car he went and spoke to the person in said car who had their engine running. So there is a clear connection there, when I wasn’t too sure in the first place. But I’ve gotten more details about it, so will keep them close to me and see if anything else shifty happens. I am getting my deer stalker on!

And tomorrow, me and my mum are going to some families house tomorrow evening. They’re alright and I kinda do want to do, but I know for a fact I might say something I am gonna regret. Apparently I am a “bad influence” on their daughter (this was said when she was like 16) and all these years later I still haven’t stopped being annoyed by it. Is standing up for yourself, being your own person and encourage people to be themselves is a bad influence? Piss right off. If you don’t wanna raise your child that way, that is fine but you can’t merely call someone a “bad influence” if it’s nothing but positive? I am still the same person then as I was now (well, maybe not entirely. Mental health and hospital wards might have changed me a great deal) but my thoughts, feelings and truths are all exactly the same and I won’t ever be afraid to shy away from who I am, not anymore. I spent so long criticising myself and questioning myself constantly and after so much, I’ve finally found my place. I know who I am and I won’t ever stop being myself because someone else doesn’t like it. (Besides, I am a bad influence? What about all these shitty “reality stars” having such a big influence on the younger generation? Which are mostly fake, money hungry who always have to look a certain way. Why be boring and be someone like that? Nah, you don’t know what a bad influence is then. Not sure why after 14 years it still pisses me off.

Okay, away from that subject. Not much else to say really. Just been watching the EndWalker cutscenes in anticipation for the 10th! Beyond excited is an understatement! New story is always great because it’s always SO GOOD! A good year to be an FF fan for sure. VII Remake part 2, fan festivals for XIV, XVI release in the summer and the new Theatrhythm for switch! Beyond excited!

Mood was just the same as every other day. Just eh, not bad but not great either. But as always, I will take being in the middle than being to happy or to sad. That is my post for the night! Peace! ✌️

[the-hilda-librarians-wife]

I spent too long thinking about this AU since queueing this post, so have some visuals for:

Kaisa:

Johanna-Edmund pair:

Kaisa and Johanna eventually skating together (unrealistic bc of Kaisa only skating on her own, but either bear with me or picture this being Johanna's fantasy):

Bonus lore for this AU under the cut:

Johanna-Ed duo are on the “older” side (for this sport, I mean). I imagine Johanna would be around 35, with Ed a few years ahead of her. They’ve been competing for a long while and are big names, have earned some very notable awards at that, but never Olympic gold.

That (and many other near wins of theirs) is due solely due to the fact that for the pair performances the judges tend to look for love stories and romantic/sexual chemistry between the partners

Needless to say, they’ve spent their entire careers advocating for a change in that mindset (what else could a sapphic/gay sibling pair do, am I right?)

Kaisa is just now popping up in the more important competitions of the country (and soon outside of it as well), quickly gathering a fan following and earning judges’ favour with her alluring and graceful performances

She’d been skating her whole life, but had never really competed outside of very local tournaments because she felt insecure about it, but was always very well known among everyone that trains in the same ring as her

Something Changed in recent times (maybe something to do with the Committee people having been on her hair and then suddenly not anymore? I’m working on it) that gave her the push she needed to actually start making a career out of figure skating. And that’s how she quickly became regarded as one of the country’s best

Johanna and Edmund train in a ring so unknown it’s basically particular, being a couple of kilometers outside the city center. Meanwhile, the ring where Kaisa has skated since she was 7 is smack in the middle of town and run by a kindly old woman who used to be a skater as well

(That being Tildy, obviously. She used to do pair skating with Peter Ostenfeld as her pair)

I mentioned the possibility of her being in this verse in the tags, BUT @blaithnne’s Lauren would probably fit in very well here, even if only to show up and Serve. [Sadie if you’re seeing this and I mischaracterize your girl too much let me know (or if you just Don’t Want Her Involved, just tell me as well!!)]

So, anyway, Lauren is Johanna’s oldest daughter, and she’s in her late teens here. She also takes an interest in skating, but doesn’t train with her family in their ring, because: 1- it’s too far and 2- skating with her mum and uncle feels Weird.

She attends, of course, Tildy’s ring. Meaning she’s had plenty of contact with Kaisa, even if she doesn’t have a lot of interest in competing outside of the events that Tildy herself organizes for the skaters that train there.

I don’t think Lauren would like to make a career out of competing, in my mind she skates for fun (and for posting on tiktok probably). But when she does compete in those inside events…. Oh boy…. The two of them sure be interacting…

Especially since her and Kaisa are in the same modality, so Lauren is always like “why is this woman who is like TWELVE YEARS OLDER than me competing here”. She would probably confront Kaisa about the reason for her being Olympics level skilled but still competing in, like, their ring’s end of the year tournament or something.

Though I know Lauren is a very insecure person so maybe it would even do her well to know that there’s someone around who is even MORE

(I think Kaisa would probably act as an instructor for younger skaters before gathering the courage to sign up for bigger tournaments. The image of Lauren being taught by her and then competing against her is hilarious to me)

(Scratch that, Kaisa definitely works as an instructor in Tildy’s ring. And Tildy not only pays her, obviously, but also lets her have the ring all to herself before opening hours and after closing time. And she coaches her and gives choreography advice a couple of days a week)

OH I described how I pictured everyone’s styles but not Lauren’s. I’m imagining that she does these upbeat performances that are more dancing than skating and Kaisa goes insane that her routines are so beloved by everyone without focusing as much on technique as Kaisa does lmao.

Visual for that: https://youtu.be/pni4-b7nPw4

Technically speaking I'm not 100% sure if this is in character for her (I seem to perceive Lauren as more confident than she actually is KJDHKJDFH) but it's definitely the Funniest possibility

Anyway. Kaisa arrives at some national tournament, eventually, and Ed-Johanna are obviously there too. Insert here the typical crush/admiration at first sight scenario (no rivalry because they’re in different disciplines thank God) where they keep getting closer and closer every tournament they meet and spending all the time they aren’t training with each other

They are however idiots and never ask each other about what city they live in. And Kaisa is even a bigger idiot because she thinks the siblings are married

(Lmao meanwhile Ed has a crush on the cryptic guy who is somehow running that ice clearing cart every tournament. What the hell is that thing called)

One time Johanna mentions her awe for Kaisa’s skill at the dinner table, and Lauren immediately huffs and begins going on about how annoying she can be and about she kept competing in the same tiny tournaments for years until she got the courage to begin rising

Johanna is like “WHAT??? You knew her??? Why didn’t you say anything or mention her ever??”

“Pft. Never seemed worth mentioning, she’s not all that” *yes she’s talking about the woman who just won gold in an international tournament*

From then on they’re able to actually hang out instead of just stealing moments when they’re in the same tournament

I bet Johanna would eventually say a sentence starting with “My brother-“, leading Kaisa to go “oh, I didn’t know you had a brother! :)”

Live Johan a reaction to that: 👁️👄👁️

Either that or the ‘Hilda running up to them and calling Ed her uncle’ option. Either way as soon as she catches up Lauren goes “shucks, fun is over :(“

Hmmm I’m not sure where any of this goes from then on. But I’m sure it ends with Kaisa feeling absolutely free to continue her career however way she wants it and getting the recognition she deserves, and with Johanna-Ed scoring that Olympic gold. And with Lauren slaying for eternity, of course

Oh and Hilda is a hockeu player, like I said in the tags. She's just happy to be there

Figure skating sketchbook AU where Kaisa is a singles skater and Johanna is a pairs skater and they start meeting at competitions. Kaisa is this black horse type of athlete who nobody knows where she came from but begins earning her success and fame because of her dramatic performances, flexibility and jumps, not to mention her witchy aesthetics. Johanna and her pair, Edmund, are known for their sync and impressive strength, their main focus being the storytelling that they’ve decided to direct towards stories that aren’t about romance, but rather about literally anything else, always with praise worthy creativity.

Kaisa tries to repress her feelings, of course. Johanna is obviously married to her partner, judging by how connected they are on the ice, and by the fact that they have the same surname.

She only realizes otherwise when Hilda shows up to congratulate her mother after a competition and yells “uncle, you did amazing!”

[onlyhereforthestories]

Switched Alliances - Part 5 (Leila Ouahabi x Reader)

I hope you have all enjoyed this one! This is the final part. I am going to be busy from now for a while so I might be slower with updates. You are all amazing.

You had ordered a couple of drinks for you and Leila, one for a little bit of extra time to process what you were going to say before you had to actually say it and two for a little bit more liquid courage. Leila sat on the little sofa watching you pace around the room until the drinks came, giving you the space she could clearly see you needed.

“Okay so I need you to not say anything. I need to get this all out in one go or I’ll tear up and won’t finish. Can you do that for me?” As you finished saying this and before Leila replied you downed the beer you ordered. After her confirmation to your request you took a seat next to her, already seeking out the comfort that being close to her being you.

“I was born in Spain to an English mother and a Spanish father. My mum was doing an exchange program over there when she met my birth father, he was one of the tech support people where she worked. They were only meant to have a fling of sorts while she was there being as it was only a year thing but they got drunk and bam here I am. My mum was at a stage in her life here moving was easier for her, she transferred to the company she exchanged at and they brought a house for us. When I turned 2 my birth father went to work and never came home, my mum waited for 6 months but not a word. His company told us he quit and his friends all knew nothing about where he was. He just left us. My grandmother was devastated, she loved me well still does and her son left us all alone in a country my mother didn’t call home. She told mum to go but we’ve never stopped talking to her. So after those 6 months my mum decided it was time to go home, I will forever be grateful she insisted I was raised as a dual citizen because it meant she could leave a place she never felt was home.”

You took a deep breath and chanced a look at the woman next to you. She was sat with all her focus and attention on you, face as neutral as she could keep it and she wasn’t even trying to talk. You knew then she was going to be important in your life so before you carried on your story you reached for her hand which she gladly took. With the squeeze of encouragement she gave you you continued

“When we got back she met Lauren’s father, the man that raised me and showed me a fathers love knows not of blood but of commitment. They had my sister Amy not long after meeting and then Lauren when I was 6. I never grew up feeling like I wasn’t part of the full family and for that I will always be grateful. I’ve spent so much time in Spain over the years with my grandma she’s one of the best women I know. Even my sisters would come for vacation sometimes too. I was there for a gap in between college and university when my birth father came back, he showed up at her house like he hadn’t left her 16 years ago without a single word. She refused to let him in, told him he was not worthy of seeing the woman I was becoming and forbade him from ever coming back again. All I ever got was a sorry through a screen door as he walked away for the second time in my life and I honestly thought it would affect me more than it did. It would have if it weren’t for the fact that my dad, the one that loved me no matter who or what I came from, loved me and was waiting at home for me. Now that doesn’t mean I didn’t struggle because I did, I’ve grown up with a abandonment issues that I hate and a reality that I will always be a slight outsider to the family I love no matter how they treat me.”

With that last thought you looked up at the woman still holding your hand as if it was all she needed to do in life. When she nodded at you you gave her a tight smile and nod to say she could say whatever she wanted.

“Firstly, thank you for trusting me with this part of your past. I feel extremely grateful that you are such a strong brave woman and that you even wanted to tell me this. Secondly, this means nothing to me in terms of who you are other than that it’s shaped you into this amazing wonderful human being that I am falling for so quickly. All it means to me is that you are stronger than I originally thought and that I will do whatever I can to make you see how much you mean to the peoples lives you touch. Finally can I ask why you thought this might affect where this is going?”

You took a second to blush at the going part. It felt like a kind of confirmation that this wasn’t just a couple dates this was going to go somewhere. “I have issues, baggage that might make me hard to deal with sometimes. I question why my own sisters stay in my life sometimes and she is technically half of me.”

Even though you had told this to your therapist before, saying it to Leila made a weight you didn’t know was sitting on your chest lift.

Instead of answering straight away you were pulled into the warmest embraces you had ever been held in. As you soaked up the comfort Leila whispered some of the softest words you had ever herd. “No matter how you feel, no matter what you feel, I will always be right here. You can feel whatever you want. Im not going anywhere.” You’d never felt so sure of a person and what they were saying in your life. You still had some niggling thoughts that told you you weren’t enough and that she would leave eventually but for now you pushed them to the bottom and let everything Leila consume you.

“Oh and Leila. Im falling for you too.” The puffed breath on your cheek before the chuckle was exactly what you were aiming for.

You and Leila spent the rest of the afternoon and evening mucking around in your hotel room. You got some room service and drank some more and just laughed as freely as any couple freshly getting to know one another.

You were slightly shocked when you woke up the next morning to dark hair in your face and a firm, muscular body pressed up against your back. But when those arms that were wrapped around your waist hugged you tighter you let yourself drift back into the land of unconscious, savouring the warm and safety of the woman’s embrace.

Leila was the first to hear your alarm the next morning, she managed to extract an arm to shut it off before it disturbed you. She took a moment to admire how cute you looked fast asleep and clutching her shirt as you were now facing her with your head on her chest. It was only when she looked at the time that she realised it was 11 am and you needed to get up soon to see your sister before she headed to the stadium for the final.

Running her fingers through your hair she whispered in your ear in hopes of gently waking you up. “Hermosa you need to get up. You said you had to see Lauren at 11:30 well it’s almost that time.”

You don’t think you’ve ever woken up to such a perfect smell or voice in your ear. It was a far cry from your younger siblings jumping on you or your mum shouting at you you were going to be late again. So you took a moment to snuggle closer and press a finger to her very kissable lips. “Shhh sleeping.”

This caused the woman above you to laugh and before you could register what was happening she had flipped you onto you back and was straddling you. Now I’m any other time this would be extremely hot but you could see the mischievous glint in her eyes and could see her fingers heading for your stomach. Before you could protest she was tickling you, causing you to buck and squirm to try get our. “Say you love Spain’s left back more than England's and I’ll stop.” Of course that was her request.

“Sorry Rach. I love Spain’s left back more than England's.” She stopped immediately with the proudest smirk on her face.

“Good now we know this you can get up.” She leaned down and placed a kiss dangerously close to your lips a fact that had your heart rate increasing.

You were both changing, Leila borrowing a T-shirt from you and sticking in the shorts she wore yesterday when you plucked up the courage to ask. “Hey what are you doing today?”

At your voice the other woman turned. “Nothing why?” You could see the cogs turning in her head trying to figure out where you were going with this.

“Want to come to the final? I know it’s not the way you want to be there and you can say no…” You couldn’t finish your rambling because you were cut off by a finger over your lips.

“I would love to. You sure there’s a seat for me?” You jumped up and down in excitement. You really did just want to spend as much time as you could with the woman. A scary thought if you let it sink in but for now you weren’t.

“Yeah I might have asked Lauren if it was okay last night.” You tried to hide in your hands but Leila stopped you by taking hold of your wrists.

She pulled you closer so you were chest to chest. Her hands dropped your wrists in favour of wrapping around your waist. Yours had just made it onto her neck when she spoke. “You are too cute. You don’t know how badly I want to kiss you right now.”

“What’s stopping you.” The you had barely passed your lips when hers connected with them. It started slow and soft, small pecks to each other’s lips then Leila tugged you tighter against her which caused you to grown and she took control then. Her tongue worked it’s way into your mouth and she started walking you backwards. Your back had just connected with the bed and the kiss was getting more needy when there was a knock at the door.

“Y/n it me. Come on we need to see your sister before she gets on the bus.” Hearing your mum was like a dump of cold water over you. You pushed Leila up much to her annoyance which she voiced with a grumble and cleared your throat.

“Just coming mum.” You grabbed a pillow from the bed when Leila giggled at your words, okay you thought add slightly immature to her traits, and hit her with it.

“Lauren said you were bringing a friend. She better be ready to go.” With that you heard the footfall of her steps walking away from the door and you slumped back on the bed. Although your mum didn’t have a clue what was going on behind the door you were in you were still mortified.

“You’re damn lucky your Spanish ass is cute. She could have heard you laughing idiota.” When Leila burst out laughing you couldn’t help laugh with her.

With a press of her lips to your readily waiting lips the woman pulled you up. “So what if she did. I’m about to meet her anyway and she’s going to have to get used to my presence. Well if I have anything to do about it. Now enough mother talk let’s go wish your sister good luck before she kicks some German butt tonight.”

With one last kiss as you cheered what she said you walked hand in hand out of your hotel room and towards a future that was looking more and more bright because of the woman next to you.

[autoeroticalgolania]

The Rules of Attraction

had to read this after watching the 2002 film adaptation a few months ago. It quickly became one of my favourites. What really stuck with me; was the absolute emptiness of this world and the people occupying it. Kinda reminded me of my time studying in London.

Key things you can immediately identify Bret Easton Ellis’ work by; compulsive consumption, loneliness, emptiness and libidinal motivations / hedonism. As with most of his work, it really amplifies the postmodern fracture of selfhood and obliteration of Truth. Populated mainly with spoilt rich kids [which is Ellis’ speciality] in a liberal arts college somewhere in New Hampshire. There are no satisfying character arcs in The Rules of Attraction, as if the end of history has already happened to mans’ own psyche.

Ellis’ book dives into the delusions of each character through chapters titled with their name, narrated from their POV. There’s Sean, Lauren, and Paul who’re the main people caught in this absurd love triangle. And you get glimpses of other characters too, such as Patrick [Bateman], Sean’s older brother and Eve, Paul’s mum, Clay from Less Than Zero and other randoms on the periphery of this triangle. 

As we’re absorbed in the characters inner world, stream-of-consciousness style, there’s insight to how unreliable each narrater truly is: the sheer emptiness of their constant, droning thoughts about an upcoming party, noticing what people are wearing, who’s screwing who, what’s on the radio, the TV, cool gadgets etc

and the utter disconnect between what they are thinking, what they come to express, how they completely misread the intentions of each others actions. It’s kinda scary how far away these people seem from each other. 

The real story of The Rules of Attraction, lies in the gaping void between each character’s realities. 

Their attentions are scattered from person to person, each as forgettable as the next. As soon as their sex-driven infatuation has worn off, everything everyone is boring again. You get a good, albeit elusive sense of the dynamics, through each of their internal monologues. Thought after thought racing by. Ellis really gets at this anxiety of interpreting situations completely differently from the people around us. In this sense, there is no truth in the world. Paul goes on about his romantic love affair with Sean whilst Sean is completely ambivalent to Paul and never really mentions him beyond thinking he’s kinda weird. Sean thinks Lauren is in love with him, when really she finds him quite repulsive and annoying, and is actually pining after Victor, who after coming back from his Europe trip, doesn’t even know who she is. 

 They’re all internally going off about someone, and that someone couldn’t care less about them. They’re completely, tragically consumed with the idea, a grandiose mythology, of someone else. A deep unwavering, longing pain colours the prose, but it’s a shite self-indulgent, nihilistic pain which does not hold the potential of transformation. People just enter non-relationship after non-relationship with each other, never acknowledging what is actually happening or discussing what they actual feel, if they feel anything. Characters fall [effortlessly/mindlessly] into hanging out all the time, whilst simultaneously finding each other excruciatingly boring? It doesn’t make much sense how passive everyone is, but also how every one of their decisions rides on pure, unadulterated lust.

Everyone, nameless or not, is connected through each other because they’ve all slept with each other at some point over their years at Camden. However, no one actually knows anyone on a level of friendship and everyone’s forgettable! Noting the descriptors, people are described by arbitrary features like: ‘dumb guy from L.A’ or 'blonde girl with great legs’ [Cause everyone in this university is blonde is rllllyyy suspect]. Everyone is boring. Everything is boring. 

We follow these insufferable people, day in day out of university life. Each fake to the core with little personality, no drive, no passion but for selfishness. No one actually studying, just there to party and sleep with each other. 

Horrible things happen too, presented so neutrally by Ellis, that it forces you to digest it on your own. There’s no obvious morality, beyond it being satirical, which adds to this overwhelming emptiness.

The constant, mindless consumption is what stands out most to me from this book; there is always music always blasting [soundtracking their life] always reaching for cigarettes, alcohol, meds, pot..  anything they can touch gets consumed and neutralised by their pacified existence. Everything they do is pointless and brings fuck all joy, yet it manages to be so compulsive to read. as it’s fast fast, life just whizzing by, one animal impulse after the next. You really start to wonder how they can bare waking up and continuing with the same shit, different day. They consume each other for the sake of it, even when they don’t want to fuck. It’s truly maddening listening to these people think. Thinking one thing, and doing the exact opposite, with no consideration or care, or slightest recognition of the fact that everyone has their own inner world, their own thoughts and desires. Everyone in this book suffers from major main character syndrome; a key component of contemporary subjectivity. 

It reminds me of this J.G Ballard quote:

Electronic aids, particularly domestic computers, will help the inner migration, the opting out of reality. Reality is no longer going to be the stuff out there, but the stuff inside your head.

 It starts getting kinda sentimental towards the end, which makes a nice change from the unbearable monotony. When Lauren eventually rejects Sean, he tries to kill himself in despair. Not because he really loves Lauren like he thinks, but because his realisation is that he will never actually know her. No one can really know the subject of their infatuation because they mythologise each other to an insane degree. Finally, the profound loneliness fuelling this fast world of discontent is recognised by its inhabitants. After this revelation, it seems like a tiny part of themselves become bored of their own shite. Finally somewhat frustrated at their own perpetual dissatisfaction. They start to want to ‘know’ each other. 

one of the most iconic lines for me is when someone is having sex or something and one of them puts on the Beatles as background music;

 ‘Hey I hate the Beatles.’ 

 ‘I hate the Beatles too.’ 

I don’t wanna go into too much detail about plot points because it’s something I recommend you read for yourself.

-----------------------------------

The film is such a great adaptation of the book by Robert Avery. Ellis’ himself says this is his favourite film adaptation [over American Psycho]. It’s wacky without being gimmicky; the use of spilt screens do well in portraying the difference in perspective of each character. The distance between them and any evidence of ‘truth’ is so abstract. 

Also, the way they plant the unnamed girl in the background throughout the first half is rlly ominous; she represents the extremity of this spectrum of delusion. She ‘loves’ Sean but has never spoken to him, only leaving him anonymous letters in his mailbox. When he gets with Lauren at the party, she takes it personally, like he wanted specifically to hurt her. When in reality he doesn’t even recognise her existence. The scene with her in the bathroom is so harrowing. The implications of unrequited love. The idea of true love as an impossibility because of too much unknowing. The death of romance is an unwillingness to risk that unknowing. 

I’m normally not a fan of voice narration in film but it would not work without it.

The dramatic rewinds show how time is so distorted to these kids. everything’s subjective, through the post-modern lens; the only truth is the self. [even in the book, Camden is such an out of time place. with minuscule moments spread across several pages.] 

The film does really well to take the element of personal delusion and selfish lust to the maximum; each one has a completely fabricated relationship with the other summed up by the iconic line from Lauren; 

Know me? Nobody knows anyone ever. You will never know me.

So what is the point of trying to get to know each other. Why not just stay  drowning in one’s disconnection?

I know the book’s set in the late 80s, but the film works perfectly in situating these abhorrent characters in late-90s angst of end of the world/millenium. In that way the book is slightly ahead of its time, picking up on early symptoms of shit Mark Fisher would coin as ‘capitalist realism’. The soundtrack is still very 80s; full blown nostalgia, echoing loudly through the chaos of college halls. 

----------------------------

The montage of Victor’s trip to Europe is easily one of the most iconic in film, its probably the most memorable bit. It really nails how fast the recollection of this Europe trip is in the book. Some rich guy going to all these wonderful and historically significant places to talk about what he ate or who he slept with. short snappy sentences that read like a cinematic montage. 

 It should completely throw off the pace but it fuels the last part of the film into a kinda self-reflection:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=30yNlAHXVzQ 

-----------------------------

Review; https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vKuADiEKUCY

[judeswhore]

I don't really know if you're taking requests right now but, the other day I thought about Wren being like 17 and having a boyfriend, that is Declan's son. Something like them having been besties since they were born, so no one suspects anything, but when Mason finds out she has a boyfriend he gets over protective and talks to Dec about it. Then they tell both of their parents at a get together they usually have and everyone is surprised but supportive of them. Take the time you need 💗✨

RETURN OF ISAAC RICE BUT HE’S NOT A BABY ANYMORE

all grown up - mason mount

The fact that Wren had skipped out on four family meals this week to spend time with her new secret boyfriend had not gone unnoticed by Mason, he’d been pouty around the house since she’d called for the fourth time to say she was having dinner elsewhere. It would be okay if he knew who she was constantly sneaking off to see but she was yet to actually introduce any of them to him and Mason was tired of you telling him to give it time.

“I just don’t get why she won’t tell me.” Mason was over at Declan’s house, the two of them using his little gym to work out since you and Lauren had decided to take yourselves shopping for the day. Wren, once again, had disappeared to be with her boyfriend, blowing off their usual Saturday morning brunch date.

“Maybe he’s nervous to meet you, I mean, you’re pretty scary when you go all protective mode over her. I’d be scared to meet you.” Declan shrugged his shoulders at the look his best friend sent him. A look that one hundred percent proved his point. “Look, maybe it’s nothing serious so she just doesn’t want you to meet.”

“I don’t want her having relationships like that.” He dropped the weights back where they belonged and sat himself up on the bench, gaze trained on Declan. “Does Isaac ever introduce you to girls he’s seeing?” Declan snorted at this, swiping a hand across his forehead.

"Isaac doesn't tell us anything girl related. Lauren said she thinks he's seeing someone, apparently she saw him ordering flowers online the other day but.." He shrugged his shoulders and sat himself opposite Mason. "They're teenagers man, they don't want us to know shit. I didn't tell my mum about Lauren for months."

"Wren tells me everything though, we don't do secrets." Declan let out a soft sigh and whacked Mason's leg with his towel.

"She's growing up, mate, you have to let go one day." Mason flopped himself back down on to the bench, arm falling over his eyes as he tried to block out the impending knowledge that Wren was in fact almost an adult.

“I see you’re finally joining us tonight.” Mason half teased when Wren made her way down the stairs, you following close behind. He was standing in the hallway, the three of you getting ready to join Declan, Lauren and Isaac for your usual fortnightly dinner and he won’t lie he felt a rush of relief when you’d told him Wren was coming along.

“You know I’d never miss this.” Mason opened his mouth to retort that she was okay missing other things but he caught your warning glare, a clear indication to keep his mouth shut. Wren sent him a grin as she made her way out of the front door, your hand skimming along Mason’s stomach as you stopped to fix the collar of his jacket.

“No boy talk. At all, okay? She’ll tell us when she’s ready.” Mason couldn’t help but pout and you rolled your eyes before kissing it away, brushing your fingers through his hair. “You’re such a baby, you know that?” He grumbled low in his throat, tapping you playfully on your bum as he ushered you out of the door.

He was more than aware that he was sometimes over protective of Wren, you and Dec weren’t the only ones who’d told him, his mum told him it every chance she got but he couldn’t help himself. He still saw her as his little baby and he wasn’t ready for her to grow up and grow apart from him, he wanted to keep the little girl who told him all of her secrets for as long as possible.

Declan, Lauren and Isaac were already settled into their seats at the restaurant, Dec’s head buried in the menu and Mason, always attuned to Wren, didn’t miss the soft smile she sent towards Isaac. His own smile was bright in return, turning and dipping his head to whisper in her ear when she sat beside him.

Sometimes when he sees the two of them together he still pictures the two toddlers chasing each other with worms or trying to dunk each other under the water in Dec’s pool. In their whole 17 years they’d hardly ever been separated, they’d gone all through school together and Wren had told Mason all about the plans they’d made when they were 13 to go to uni together. Realistically, if anyone was to know about Wren’s secret boyfriend it would be Isaac but Mason knew you were serious about the no boy talk and he didn’t want to risk having to sleep on the sofa.

It was halfway through the meal before boys were mentioned, and Mason wasn’t the one to bring it open, Wren was the one to initiate the conversation, awkwardly clearing her throat as she swirled the little ice cubes around in her glass. She’d moved subtly closer to Isaac through the dinner, something Mason only noticed after she’d dropped the news and he also missed the little bumps of their fingers when they reached for their glasses at the same time.

Given how secretive she’d been with her mystery boy over the past few weeks, Wren told the table outright, her gaze locked only on Mason’s as though his was really the only reaction she cared about.

“Isaac is the boy I’ve been cancelling dinner to be with. He’s my mystery boyfriend you’ve all been asking about.” She came right out with it and Mason’s fork halted in midair, his gaze snapping between his daughter and his best friends son, the entire tables attention focused on them.

“Sorry?” Dec is the first to speak, clearly his throat the same way Wren had but even as he spoke she still didn’t tear her gaze from her father’s.

“It’s not a new thing. We’ve been together almost four months.” Mason blinked a little because she’d been dating his best friends son for four months and he hadn’t even noticed. Thinking back on it they’d been extra close and giggly for a while now and Isaac was always missing at conveniently the same times as Wren was. Mason suddenly felt a little silly for not suspecting it sooner.

“Wren that’s amazing, we’re really happy for you both.” Your voice pulled Mason from his daze and after sharing a look with Declan his lips tilted into a smile and he watched the way Wren’s smile slowly matched his.

“I mean, Isaac’s better than anyone else, I guess, he’s pretty shit at football but that means there’s no competition.” He teased, fork finally making its journey to his mouth.

“At least we don’t have to sit through awkward meeting the other parents dinners. We already know how annoying Mason is.” Declan grunted in pain a second after his sentence left his mouth and he turned a glare on Lauren.

“You two are idiots.”

Your hand came down on Mason’s thigh and you gave it a soft squeeze, knowing how weird it was for Mason thinking about Wren as anything other than the little girl he used to protect from the monster in her wardrobe. He watched Isaac press a kiss against Wren’s cheek and pointed his fork in a mock threatening manner at him.

“Just because we’re friends doesn’t mean you get to be all touchy feely with her when I’m here, we still have rules.” Wren rolled her eyes but Isaac just grinned, his expression so much like Dec’s that Mason felt like he was looking at his best friend from 20 years ago.

“Like you’d be able to do anything to me, do you remember the last time you tried to fight me?”

“Hey, you had an unfair advantage, I was beat from training all day.”

“Don’t listen, Isaac, Mase’s biggest at weakness is fighting he’s too soft.” Mason scoffed at this, frowning when you threw your agreement into the mix.

“All I’m saying Little Rice is just because you have best friend privileges doesn’t mean I’ll be nice if you hurt her.”

Declan threw a balled up napkin at Mason’s head. “Stop trying to bully my son, Mount, for all we know Wren might be the one to break his heart and then I’ll have to dump a tub of paint over her head again.” Wren’s groan was loud across the table and she flopped her head against Isaac’s shoulder.

“I told you we should have kept it a secret longer.”

“See, she’s already a bad influence!”

“Dec, shut up before I find a tub of paint to drop over you.”

[mental-health-advice]

Hey there… i really don’t knwo who to ask advice at this point so i hope you could give me one…

I’m in my senior high soon to be college, my mom is just really strict.

I’m not allowed to watch anime, read webtoon, read wattpad, have social media like insta, tik tok and twitter basically any social media you can think of. I’m also not allowed to go out with friends without my family tailing me behind. My own phone I controlled. I’m not even allowed to play youtube sometimes.

So as you might probably already realize i do stuff secretly without mom. But i am always in anxiety 24/7 and overthinking stuff. I get scared easily. I feel like everyone is watching me.

Friends online told me to argue with mom about the situation but I’m scared mom would take everything away from me. I’m not allowed to have opinions. I can’t even decide what outfit i want to buy because mom would choose for me. Mom doesn’t think the career I want is good and force me to all these courses. People say I’m ungrateful for the love and care. I am just confused at this point

Is there any advice you could give me

Hey there,

It must be really hard and frustrating to have little to no control over what you are able to do/ what you do want to do in your daily life. Sometimes, unfortunately, some parents can be really strict and although you can always go behind your Mum’s back and do more of what you would like to do, it sounds like this constantly puts you on edge and makes you feel really anxious in fear your Mum may find out.

You mentioned that you’re not allowed to have opinions in life or have an ability to choose what it is in life you really want to do, so I am thinking that instead of ‘arguing’ with your Mum over this stuff, would it be worth trying to have a conversation with her about it instead? This may be more helpful as often when we argue with another the other person can get quite defensive or make you feel worse/ it make the situation worse, but if you spoke to her about it and allow her to have a conversation about it then it may get you further. So how may you possibly bring this up?

Well, you could, when you Mum is in a good or reasonable mood ask for her to sit down and ask if you could talk to her about something. Ask her why she feels it’s not OK for you to do such things as you described in your Ask and if you two could make a compromise at all, something to allow you to feel a bit freer in life and do the things you would like to do within reason. This may not enable you to have the same freedoms as your friends may have, but it may help your Mum to see that by wrapping you in cotton wool or not allowing you to do things most people your age are able to do, then it won’t give you the life experience that will help you to live when you get older and no longer have the protection from your Mum (when she is no longer able to stop you from doing certain things/ doesn’t have that control over you.) Is this something that you may feel able to do?

It may also be important to note that perhaps your Mum may feel like if she lets you to do things in life that you would like to do, then your grades at school may suffer. So in saying this, could you add to the compromise with your Mum that if your grades stay the same or slightly improve then the more freedom you should be able to have? Just another thing to perhaps to have a think about in trying to see things from her point of view/ knowing why she is possibly so strict with you.

I really hope that this has helped a bit and please do let us know if we can help to support you in any other way!

I’m thinking of you and hope that you are going well!

Take care,

Lauren

[queenshelby]

My Friend’s Father (Part Twelve)

Pairing: Cillian Murphy x Reader

Warning: Age Gap, Domestic Violence, Angst

Words: 1,366

Please comment and interact…it’s what keeps this blog going

***************************

 When you picked up the intercom, you were surprised to hear the voice of Denise’s mother and, after you let her upstairs through the apartment building, you quickly shoved your intimate toys beneath one of the pillows on Cillian’s bed and shut the door to his bedroom.

‘Hey Y/N’ she said somewhat surprised when you greeted her. ‘I thought Denise is in Manchester, visiting Cillian on set’ she then asked and you nodded nervously.

‘She is’ you confirmed while she made her way inside the apartment.  

‘So, what are you doing here on your own then?’ she asked somewhat confused and you had to think quickly in order to come up with an excuse.

‘Uhm…something happened at home and…uhm…Cillian offered me to stay here while he was not using the apartment while I am sorting out accommodation on campus’ you stammered, barely able to form a full sentence.

‘Right, well that’s nice of him’ she said before informing you that she came by to pick up some of Lucas’s things which he had left at the apartment during his last visit to Galway.

‘I have Lucas’s key but, since I saw the lights on, I didn’t just want to walk inside and I tried to reach Cillian but he didn’t answer his phone’ she explained before grabbing a bag from Lucas’s room, telling you that Lucas was waiting for her in the car and wishing you a pleasant night.  

****

The following day, you immediately received a call from Denise who was somewhat surprised when she found that you were staying at her father’s apartment in Galway.

‘My parents said that dad had offered you to stay at his apartment in Galway after I told him what happened between you and your father. Did he call you? I didn’t even think he had your number?’ Denise asked somewhat surprised before asking you whether you were alright after the incident.

‘I am fine. I gave your dad my number a while ago, just in case he ever needed it’ you explained and Denise didn’t bother to question you any more about it. Instead, she simply laughed, thinking that you were again trying to hit on her father.

Whilst she was surprised that he had rang you and offered you his place to stay, she knew about what had happened with your sister several years ago and felt as though her father probably just wanted to help you since you were her friend.

‘Anyway, dad isn’t coming home next week and Lucas is in Cork. You should come to Dublin and spend the weekend with me. We would have the house to ourselves’ Denise then suggested.

‘I can’t. I have to work’ you said, unable to tell her the truth, namely that you would be spending the weekend with her father.

‘That’s a shame. Well, I guess you would rather come and visit me in Dublin when dad is home anyway’ she then joked and you couldn’t help but gulp.

‘Yeah, well, he is hot’ you then said somewhat embarrassed but forcing out a laugh nonetheless.

‘You are disgusting’ Denise said before carrying on…‘Also, I am sorry to disappoint you but I think he’s got a girlfriend and it is not Laura Jennings’ Denise then said and you couldn’t help but ask Denise about it.

‘What makes you say that?’ you asked, curious as to how Denise knew about her father seeing someone else.

‘Dad has been glued to his phone all of last night, texting with a woman friend of his. This friend even sent him a nude picture’ Denise laughed, causing you to choke.

‘A nude picture?’ you asked, cheeks blushing red.

‘Yes, a nude picture. The message popped up on his phone in preview and I saw it. I couldn’t see her face though and, luckily, her intimate parts were covered by a James Joyce Novel’ Denise said rather amused and you couldn’t help but feel sick to your stomach knowing that Denise had seen this somewhat inappropriate picture of you.

‘Uhm…well…at least your dad is happy, right?’ you then said nervously.

‘Right. He seems pretty happy actually’ Denise said before having to bring the phone call to an end. ‘Anyway, I better go. Amalie wants to go shopping today’ Denise then said before wishing you a good day and telling you to stay away from her draws, thinking that you were staying in her room at the apartment.

***

With Denise and her mother being fully aware about where you were staying, it didn’t take long for your mother to find out and, if your mother knew, your father would soon know as well.

Denise’s mother and your mother used to be friends until contact broke between them following some sort of incident just over a year ago.

You never knew what the incident was about and Cillian made clear to you that he wouldn’t get involved in it again and, if you wanted to know about it, you needed to speak to your mother. It wasn’t his place to be unless it involved you directly.

You accepted his decision but, when your mother contacted Cillian’s ex wife to see whether she knew where you were staying after Denise refused to tell her, things had become difficult yet again and you agreed to meet your mother on Friday morning at a nearby café.

When you sat down together, she first handed you a letter from Trinity College in Dublin.

‘Your scholarship has been accepted. I suppose that will solve your problems, right?’ she asked with a warm smile and you couldn’t help but get a little excited. This was all you ever wanted and you knew that you could stay at campus in Dublin for free while attending university and working part time.

‘I am sorry mum, I shouldn’t have taken off so suddenly, but he has gone too far this time’ you said rather upset.

‘I understand and thank you for checking in with me every day via text message’ your mother then said and you nodded before giving her a hug. It was obvious to you that she wasn’t angry with you and supported your decision to leave rather abruptly.

‘I didn’t want dad to know where I am staying because, as far as I am aware, his relationship with Denise’s family is rather bad’ you then said which is also when your mother opened up to you about why this is the case.

‘Denise’s mother and I were good friends, even after she tried to help your sister behind your father’s back when we found out about her pregnancy. I knew about it. In fact, it was me who asked her for help. Your father found out about it later down the track and then he did to me what he did to you the other day. I went to Denise’s parents’ house for help as I was so upset but, in the end, I worked things out with your father through the Church counsellor’ your mother explained before telling you that your father had threatened Cillian and his ex-wife if they wouldn’t stay out of their marriage.

‘Mum, in all honesty, you deserve better than this. Why do you put up with his anger? Just because he repents every week doesn’t make it right’ you said, taking her hand.

‘Because I love him and this happened once. It never happened again’ she said and you simply nodded, having to accept her decision.

‘Okay’ you said before allowing her to change the topic to something more pleasant which is when you began talking about your upcoming birthday before it was time for you to go.

You knew that, in about five hours, Cillian would be at the apartment and, before he got there, you wanted to cook, tidy up, shower, shave and get yourself into some nice lingerie.

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