#she does have ptsd from when her parents were killed

[orphicsun]

Fading with the Leaves 2/2

₊ ‎ ‎Ellie Williams x Fem! Reader‎ ‎ ₊ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎

݁ ˖ ◜WARNING: Sensitive content. Mentions of grief, PTSD, violence, etc. Sexual content included (not actual smut but is definitely close), and mentions of eating disorders.

݁ ˖ ◜Word count: 3.3k (includes bonus content, not just the final part).

݁ ˖ ◜Description: Ellie returns to Jackson, but things aren’t the same as they were so easily were back at the farmhouse. Nightmares still plague her vision, and she doesn’t know if she’ll ever be able to keep her promise to you.

PART ONE

"Ellie!!" You're giggling, and she's holding you close to her from behind.

"C'mon, babyyy..just one kiss? Just gimme one kiss?"

You let out one last laugh and turn to face her. Her hands immediately find your waist and she squeezes tight. You're leaning in, and she feels like it's the Fourth of July the way fireworks are being lit, just about to pop off into the sky and create the pure thrill of being yours after so long. Before your lips meet though, you're pulling away. Your grave is shallow, and your lips aren't warm or colored.

Then she woke up.

With a groan, she stared up at her ceiling. Her alarm clock next to her read 7:00 am.

It had been a few weeks since she returned to Jackson. Those weeks were hellish for a stubborn girl like Ellie.

She wanted to talk to you, to make things right. At first, she visited the farmhouse. She didn’t know what she was expecting, but it still hurt to walk into the place she had so much love for, only to see all of the decor replaced with bare walls and a naked floor. This time, she wouldn’t just turn around and run as far as possible. It was indeed time to return to Jackson.

Ellie figured you’d probably be there. Jackson was all you really knew for a while, it was the main thing for both of you. However, in her time there, she still couldn’t gather the courage to make things right. Truth is, she figured that you moved on. You at least were trying to, and who was she to interrupt that? You seemed happier now than you were back at the farmhouse, months of distance she put between the two of you. You were so understanding, that was the hardest part of it all.

Neither leaving nor returning were easy. 

Healing isn't some chronological spectrum. You knew that, and Ellie did, too. She didn't easily heal when she left, and there was no moment where she just magically moved on from Joel's death. Everyday she was out there in Santa Barbara, thoughts caved in and practically devoured her sanity. Still, she accepted it. She was finally able to accept it for what it was,to find some closure in all of the mess that was grief. 

She still had nightmares, though. She had dreams you were still hers, kissing her cheek or letting her pepper your sweet, sensitive skin in all of her love. In her dreams, your eyes were as lively as she remembered. Your features were a little blurry, as if she couldn’t remember them. That hurt even more than the actual terror part of her nightmares in which you’d slip away from her grasp; your stiff, cold hands decomposing into bones.

She’d awake from the nightmares all sweaty, shaken up from the pictures her own mind conjured up. She couldn’t recall the last time dreams had made feel so disturbed. Not since Joel. She would stare up at her garage ceiling, the garage Joel left for her, until the sun began to rise in the sky.

Death was a cycle in the world, and all of the people could at least agree on that. What blinds people to the cycle like an undercurrent is many times, death itself. Kill one person, you avenge yourself. That person has connections that you can't fathom. They have brothers, sisters, parents, friends and lovers who aren't afraid to avenge them. You have brothers, sisters, parents, friends and lovers who will avenge you. Where does it end?

That’s what Ellie knew now, and what she wished she knew before, back when she was promised a second chance with you. Now, she was uncertain about her future.

She was scared. The dreams wouldn't just suddenly cease if the two of you got back together. Everything that happened would still be the past. She didn't want to lose you, but you were already out of reach. She could make good on her promise and still lose you. That was terrifying.

She was going through her old comics, fingertips brushing against the dusted-over titles she used to read obsessively and so carelessly. She winced. 

-

“Jeez, you really are a nerd.”

Ellie scoffed, playfully smacking your shoulder. “And you still like me.”

You smiled, your eyes still lively, face still as gorgeous as she remembered it to be. “No.”

Ellie’s face was more-so confused. “What do you mean ‘no’? Do you not like me?”

You leaned forward, and Ellie’s heartbeat was jumping out of her chest. 

“I love you.”

-

After a week, Ellie finally broke.

Her chest would hurt when she saw pastries at the bakery. She was reminded of the times you still baked for her even when she turned away from you. Her eyes would widen when she saw someone with your color eyes or even remotely similar, thinking of the times she laughed right into your ear, telling you all of the things she thought your eyes were like. She was always hit with the look on your eyes when you finally gave up. The guilt ate her alive until she couldn't bear it anymore, and from her front door she rushed out.

...

Seasons come and they leave, just like people. From soft summer petals to the frigid, cracked remains that bleed into the ground during the harsh Jackson winters, everything has to come and go. Ellie was never your soulmate if she was fated to leave, but she was back now. What can you do? You knew deeply in your sensible mind that you should’ve moved on. Your story wasn’t finished, though. She promised you she’d come back. Why hasn’t she talked to you yet?

In all honesty, the “moving on” you did in Jackson would’ve cracked so easily if she talked to you. The resolve you held was embarrassingly low. Why didn’t she just talk to you, is the question that kept plaguing your mind. She was back in Jackson, and she made you a promise. You tried not to think about it as days passed you and the weather in the sky went through its unpredictable phases. 

In a way, you saw those phases as how you perceived Ellie. Seasons are much too predictable. Weather is the opposite, in a way. You know that if it’s going to rain, it may rain the next day. You can tell that when it’s spring, storms and April showers are expected. You can never predict when, though. You can’t seem to predict when Ellie will happen, or if she will happen again, not for a long time. The only difference is that with Ellie, you can only hope she’ll swing back into your life. You know that it’ll rain again, though. Even if it’s a really long time.

The clouds were lacking in the sky tonight. There were no extreme storms, just cool wind.. You sat at your dinner table alone, a plate of meat and potatoes half-eaten. Every dinner felt empty without a freckled face to kiss, a warm hand to massage your stress out of your shoulders. You kept telling yourself you were over it all, that you wouldn't count on her keeping the promise; then why were you foolishly hoping she’d knock on your door and grovel at your feet?

Knock, knock, knock. 

You were shocked to say the least when your door swung open to reveal Ellie, darkness underneath her eyes and frazzled hair. You swallowed, trying to keep it together.

“I’m so sorry..” She breathed heavily in pants, as if she had run here. 

“Ellie.”

“I should’ve talked to you sooner, I know.” She was speaking fast, getting it all out while she still had the courage to. “I can’t move on from it. I got the closure, I got over the whole stupid fucking phase, and I’m still up at night after hours of nightmares.”

Why was she telling you all of this?

“I have dreams of you. I have dreams in which I think they’re the best dreams I’ve ever had, and you’re back in my arms. I’ll be holding you, and you’re just like yourself. So sweet and your eyes are just how I remember. And then you’re dead, and I can’t touch you..” She trailed off, tears streaming down her face. 

You tried to reach out and wipe the salty droplets away, but she looked genuinely scared. Not disgusted or indifferent, but terrified. It made you pull away.

“I haven’t talked to you..because I..I just can’t touch you again.” She sniffled, and it was obvious that this was all hard for her to admit. “I’m scared that I’ll have you again, and it’ll all be perfect. It was actually perfect once, a while ago before all of this shit happened. Now, I don’t know if I can handle touching you and dealing with myself if it is all just a dream. Another nightmare.”

You didn’t know what to say to that. You knew that Ellie struggled with nightmares before, when the two of you lived at the farmhouse. During that era of your life that made you wince in remembrance. You never realized why you were so involved. She was scared to lose you, too.

“Ellie..I’m real. I’m here. This isn’t some perfect little romantic dream or an agonizing nightmare. This is just the world.” You gently reached out once more, and this time, she didn’t flinch. She let you embrace her as she sobbed. 

You don’t think you had ever witnessed Ellie crying before. Even when everything happened, she wasn’t the type of person to bawl, especially not in your arms like this. Even when she lost Joel, she didn’t cry. Not in front of you, at least. When she accidentally stabbed her hand with a hunting knife on patrol, she laughed about it more than she cried. However, something inside of you felt a sense of relief that she was opening up to you like this. Ellie was touching you once again, and she wasn’t refusing because of her dreams.

Ellie asked to sleep in your bed that night. You knew that everything that happened wasn’t going to magically heal over because she finally talked to you, but it was a start. Plus, you knew what she needed was a priority over the long talk and the slow restart of your relationship. So, you let her hold you tightly in her arms and you thought about how good it felt to just feel her warmth again. Her fingertips rubbed delicately over your stomach, tracing patterns into your skin that lulled the both of you to sleep.

Ellie, for the first time in a while, slept the entire night. Feeling you all over every inch of her skin, even where your body didn’t reach but instead died down in peace, wasn’t like a perfect moment straight out of a dream. If anything, it made it better, though. There wasn’t a need to kiss right in the moment or spend all night awake in desperation with you, like just holding you closely was enough in this moment. Being in your presence was enough at this moment. When this was all sorted out, maybe then she could pull you in for a desperate kiss, feel every inch of your body over hers without any barriers. Live with you again, experience every holiday and season with you until you’re both old and Jackson’s infamous married couple. For now, she just needed to know that you were safe and alive. That was enough for her. 

BONUS CONTENT: So, I know the ending didn’t provide a lot of romantic content that I like to provide. Fading with the Leaves was always meant to be more of a ptsd story or just overall an opportunity for me to write Ellie’s grieving with a character other than Dina. That said, below, I’m including some ideas that I thought were cute.. If you would like to request extra content for them, go ahead<3

-

“What did you think of me when we met?” You asked your wife. She leaned in closer, careful to not be too awkward with her movements and collapse the entire blanket fort in itself. 

“I thought that you were the prettiest girl in this world.” She smiled bashfully, and you turned the flashlight on, blinding her and making her groan dramatically. “What the fuck, babe?!”

“You haven’t seen every girl in the world, you liar! How can I be the prettiest?” 

Ellie snatched the flashlight out of your hands. It was storming outside, rain hitting the roof, and thunder was threatening. Still, the two of you felt safe against each other in the make-shift fortress. This was a tradition, making shitty blanket forts with the bed’s comforter and a bunch of couch pillows when the storms were even just mild. 

“You’re the prettiest because I’m telepathic and just know it.” She gave you a toothy grin, stupidly proud of herself, and it successfully made you laugh.

“You’re an idiot. Do you even know what telepathic means?” 

“Magical.”

“It means you can read people’s minds!” 

Ellie rolled her eyes at that, but moved to plant a kiss on your cheek. “I’m telepathic, still…I know what you’re thinking right now.”

You decided to bite, but still raised a skeptical brow. “Yeah?”

Ellie didn’t give you a verbal answer, instead cupping your face to kiss you. You melted into her lips, letting her part them with her tongue and softly graze the inside of your bottom lip with her teeth. It made you jolt, and she moved to hover on top of you. Until her head hit the top of the comforter, sending the fort you spend an eternity on (15 minutes) to collapse. You would’ve protested, but Ellie was too distracting, and you didn’t care to leave the broken structure for a while.

-

Ellie had you held to her chest tightly, and you could feel her heart beating against your back. It was bedtime for the two of you since Ellie had patrol in the morning and you had babysitting duties, but it was hard to fall asleep when the both of you couldn’t seem to stop talking. Late night conversations were always the best.

“Why are you excited about babysitting?” Her warm breath hit your ear as she spoke.

“The kids are usually sweet. I mean, usually.” 

Ellie laughed at that, squeezing you tighter. “That’s very unlike any experience I’ve ever had with children.”

“Maybe that’s because you rile them up.” It was true, Ellie had a tendency to be as hyper as the children she was around and then, it was harder to handle them. It was kind of endearing, though. She was actually really good with kids.

A moment of silence, and then Ellie was flipping you over onto your back, half-way hovering over you, propping herself up with her elbow beside you. 

“Do you think we’ll ever have a kid?”

That made your heart skip a beat, and in some weird way, a way you only felt when talking about your future with Ellie. It was never the way that you would feel when nervous around her, like when she first asked you out. It was a warm feeling, something that made you giddy inside. 

“You really want a kid together, El?”

“I think you’d make a good mother..and there’s plenty of kids in Jackson who are orphaned.” 

You smiled and leaned up, meeting her half-way in a kiss. She tasted addictive, comforting. Her kisses were always sweet and warm, and you felt yourself practically overheart with the situation, the feelings and excitement. You tried to wrap your head around it all. Having a kid with Ellie. Ellie, who you used to just have a crush on. Ellie, who became your favorite person. Every single memory leading up to this moment, the ups and downs, they all just reminded you that she was yours and that you were indeed going to spend the rest of your life with her.

-

Flipping over a piece of sausage, you hummed softly to yourself. It was early morning. You and Ellie had a free day, which was rare. Ellie was still upstairs deep in sleep, but you woke up earlier than her, so you decided to make her breakfast. 

For a while in Ellie’s life, she wasn’t much of an enthusiastic eater, especially when she lost Joel. You noticed that when the two of you started dating, she never cared much to go into the Tipsy Bison and grab sandwiches for lunch, and the weird behavior towards food increased in the grief. 

These days weren’t perfect, but she was learning to eat more healthily and not skip meals on patrol. She hadn’t admitted it to you, but was very grateful for the fact that you cooked for her because that was partially the reason she was feeling better about her diet. You were a good cook, sure; but when you and her were in a bad place, she’d remember how you would bake pastries for her in that old farmhouse. She promised to not take advantage of that again. 

You felt hands wrap around your waist, and completely surround you. She was awake now, apparently. Did you even hear her walk in here? 

“Mornin’, babe.” She rasped, voice heavy with sleep. It was a delicious sound that made you almost forget to flip the fried eggs, and you nearly burnt the entire breakfast when she pulled your hair aside to place open-mouthed kisses all over the side of your neck.

“Ellie!!” You scolded playfully.

“What?” Playing innocent. Five more soft kisses, and then a trace of tongue that made you dizzy. “You can tell me to stop…” Met with silence. She leaned up to whisper in your ear, “want me to stop?”

You shook your head, but continued trying to focus on the cooking. You were nervous. That sounds silly, because you and Ellie are practically married, but it was hard not to be, hard not to feel that same old flutter in your stomach when she got greedy in the mornings. 

She didn’t take her hands off of you for the entirety of dinner. She pulled you over to sit on the couch with the plates instead of the kitchen table, and you allowed it. As much as you scolded her very often for ruining your routine, you liked the way she balanced out with you, not so predictable. 

She leaned against you as she ate, eating rather quickly. As soon as your own plate was empty, she pried it out of your hands and pounced on you.

“Ellie, what the–” She snickered against your mouth, kissing you deeply. Oh, so it was one of those mornings. 

Hands trailed over your body, and she let out a soft moan of appreciation when you parted your legs so that her body could fit between them. Her mouth was growing sloppy on yours, tongue sliding against your own while her sneaky hands palmed your breasts through your shirt. 

Her hips were shifting against yours. It was pointless for friction, since there was no way to feel anything like this. Still, she was horny, possessed by whatever demon got to her in her sleep and made her so needy for you at 8 in the morning. It still felt good even without the actual stimulation, making you moan into her mouth. She broke the kiss with a small string of saliva still connecting the two of you until it was quickly cut off by her swollen, wet lips trailing kisses down your neck and over your chest, fabric being an inconvenience. She made her way down your body, and with the pop of your jean button coming undone, you were already as much of a mess as she was. She had an even bigger appetite than you anticipated, but you weren't complaining.

Taglist: @mcqueeferson @livvieloveswomen @autisticintr0vert @xaaaavleg @sevyscoven

[bbrainr0t]

For when you flower V

Masterlist

Pairing: Emperor Caracalla x Greek!woman/reader x Emperor Geta

Warnings: 18+, minors dni, hints of PTSD/bad mental health, imbalance in the relationship (sexism, oppression, etc.), toxic, sexual/sensual content, mentions of violence, blood, death, and slavery

Tags: Enemies to lovers (?), slow burn (?), triangle drama/love (but no incest!!), unhealthy/toxic dynamics, slave x masters, no use of y/n, 1st person narrative

Summary: She awakes in the role of being Caracalla's pet, but what does this mean to be this pet and what is expected of her? There is so much to remember for this Hellen, but soon the feelings overwhelm and it seems that gratitude takes on a whole new meaning for her and maybe even for the emperors.

Word count: 3.7K

Dictionary for this chapter:

Hellas = the ancient greek name for ancient greece

I spent the whole evening thinking of Alexandra, watching Caracalla try to entertain himself. He was drunk on wine, so it was an easy job. I was still pained and somehow, he seemed to understand. He petted me lightly and had a separate room made for me, where I got to spend the night. Supervised, I laid afraid.

All night, I could hear moans.

Back in Hellas I never participated in rituals with ecstasy, because I was afraid of what I might do to me. All my life, I had gotten told how it ruined people’s moral compasses, and how they went wild. Men, women, boys, and girls. Some were even killed in the midst of the practice.

Once and only once I accidentally walked near a holy land, where a ritual was taking place. Their moans lured and so I looked. Never had I seen such a sight before. I was conflicted with feelings. There was blood mixed with wine, saliva with seed of life. They were hitting, slapping skin against skin, rolling across the grass like animals. A boy overpowered by men; a woman jumped. But they were enjoying it. I was aroused but filled with fright. I felt a need to join, but I never did. My mother told me to keep my distance.

The cult of Dionysus were people I never got to understand. Celibacy had taken a big part of my life as I was waiting for the hands of Apollo to feast upon me. No other man was allowed. I was kept behind walls like any other young girl of Hellas. The only boy, I had ever talked to, was my brother. He was younger than me, but his dreams were so much bigger than both me and him combined.

We were partners in crime as we would cause trouble around the house. We would misplace our mother’s clothes and pick the pretty flowers from our garden. Everything was right. Each night he would have me tuck him in and kiss him goodnight, just a peck on the cheek. I adored how he would look at me with such light in his eyes. He was the reason I believed the Gods were good - they had given me him.

One day he got the silly idea that he would be a soldier.

I never found out what happened to him, when he was at war, but something had truly changed him. There was no light left in his eyes.

At night when I was about to tuck him to sleep, he began speaking of horrors, but they were none of my understanding. He lost the ability to talk.

I found myself praying for his health every waking hour, but it never helped. Our parents started to blame me for the absence of his well-being. They started calling me names. They asked me questions like: what good am I, if not to help my brother? I was to be the oracle of Apollo after all.

The night before his death, I had tucked him in for the last time. I did not know at the time, but something tells me he did. He smiled at me for the first time in months. He spoke of my name. I was over-joyous.

When I finally fell asleep last night, I dreamt of him. He was smiling.

Then I was awoken by a servant who fed and dressed me like a child. It is as if they are accustomed to treat their masters in such manner. But I did not dare to tell her off as I was afraid of Geta hearing me speak.

It feels like his eyes never left my lips.

I am being summoned to a party – why? I do not know. The servant who told me seemed urgent and so I hurry, afraid that time might be fatal for the outcome of my punishment, if I were to be late. I don’t know what kind of punishment they give their pets, and as of yesterday I’ve decided to live till the day I’ve avenged by brother. I must flower. I must fulfill the prophecy.

Though I am also afraid of what I will meet. Who, I might meet. And what they will put me to - the moans of the night echoing my mind. I ache for peace at heart.

As we reach the doors that I can hear hold back a war of chatter, I get anxious once more. But still, I try to put it aside. All night up until my long-awaited slumber, I thought of all the outcomes. I have nothing to return to back in Hellas - I can only imagine how my home looks today. And so, if I must think of a future, it would be foolish of me to believe the thought, the lie that is “my family is waiting for me to return.” They are not. For that sole reason I must make my efforts last now; I must get close to the emperors so that I can strike them, where it hurts the most.

I could see the burdened’s eyes cry those sapphire tears, the sparrow fail to spread his wings. It hurt, but I am sure, I must succeed. I should not feel bad for them.

I calm myself as I embrace the change of atmosphere. The doors open and I am met with sunlight and song. Beautiful servants all around grabbing at men and women, seducing with their God-given charm. A table full of food and decorated with dead animals in all their lost pride. There’s a light breeze, pushing the delicious smell of wine to my nose. I must not. What is this longing for wine?

Remember my brother’s smile.

I continue to follow the servant as we make it through the crowd. Everybody is busy with each their form of lust, so we glide through smoothly, quickly, thankfully. There is so much life in here that I truly wish not to be a part of. So many deeds that I hope, I only will continue to hear the echoes of in the halls.

Suddenly the servant stops before a clothed table, pointing towards it.

She wants me to go under it.

At first, I am confused, but as I look down at the table, I see a foot slightly poking out. Cautiously, I bend down to slowly remove the cloth to which the foot disappears, scared. I pull my hand back, maybe equally as scared. I take one deep breath as I make my way beneath the table, once again unsure about what, I am about to meet. My heart racing with the beat of the crowd. The temperature rising just well enough, so I feel a small sweat break. I am shaking. But to my surprising, there is an unexpected calm which settles in my heart as I see Caracalla the burdened dressed in his own erratic attire. Messy hair, sleepy eyes, and shaking hands, he is holding around legs, hugging his knees. There are no tears in his eyes, only a biting fear, ill-suited for the occasion.

I had hoped that it was him.

He stares at me, processing, I think, and I just sit and look at him. I must not talk. Caracalla doesn’t move a single bit, but it looks as if his breath slows down. He is regulating himself, and I do the same. His eyes softening by the second as he slowly crawls over to me. “What happened, meus flos?” He looks so concerned. I almost can’t hear him over the crowd.

“…?” I must not talk, so I merely look at him, feeling my eyes lightly flutter. Does he see something I don’t? There was a switch.

He reaches out a hand to go to my throat, and instinctively I flinch, aching my entire being. I hit my head into the table leg behind me. Almost embarrassed, I try to cover it up with a weary smile, but that does not seem to fool him. Another panic grows, confused and fused together with curiosity. I suddenly feel like the one who’s out of her mind, like we’ve switched roles. His eyebrows furrow lightly. “Let me see. Come here.” His voice so soft, astray.

I was wrong, this is not Caracalla the burdened nor the erratic – this is a whole new side to him. What is he doing here? How has he deprived me of all my sense and taken it for himself? A prey and a predator with soft paws and no claws.

Caracalla’s hand reaches my throat and trails a pain all around. His fingers so kind. I look at him and see only worry. The fear is gone as if it never existed. The noise miles away, him so close in body, in mind. I try to pick the pieces together for the puzzle that is him, but I can’t. The same I do for me, but I cannot.

“Who did this to you?” He meets my eyes.

Eyes on my lips. A hand on my throat. The images of yesterday flashing, overruling my reality. Geta’s arm holding me up as if I am nothing, a strength unfit for his figure. An act so fit for his position, but not towards me – a mere nothing compared to him. Hatred, a pure desire in the eyes of a madman. The fire within. He burns.

Caracalla plays along and holds his hand there like Geta - but it’s not the same.

It’s like he dances with the flame, so it tires out. Caracalla knows and so he acknowledges. He might not know the whole truth, but he dares to see the pain which has been inflicted on me. His touch almost healing.

God, I long to be drunk on something.

I feel myself on the verge of eruption. I dare think, I want to tell him, in hopes he will help. Foolish. Remember my brother’s eyes.

“My emperoooor? Ceasar… Caracalla, where are youuu?”

And there I see the burdened return. He removes his hand quickly as he crawls back, further in, underneath the table. Seemingly, he doesn’t know where to put his hands. I yearn for them to be put back on my neck.

The cloth behind me moves as I feel a hand graze my shoulder. I yelp as it drags me out from underneath the cover with such brute force, throwing me up at my feet. Though the world slightly shaken, I am met by a man much taller than I with slobber hung from his lips, his eyes dark with lust, his breath drunk on desire. “You’re not him…”

I stare at him blankly, afraid to move. He seems thoroughly disappointed. At my ancle I feel Caracalla’s fingers nudge me, pulling me carefully to come down again as if he is warning me. The man lets his eyes wander all over me as he licks his lips.

Then I hear them again, see them in his eyes. The bodies from the cult all intertwining in a mess of ecstasy. It’s lust, a feeling so raw and vicious known for tearing even the best of man to his knees, to atoms. It’s a feeling that does not mirror in me yet something my curiosity won’t let me settle about. I feel repulsive and even more when admitting to myself that I am curious to hear this man’s thoughts - to figure out the mysteries of the Dionysus cult.

Caracalla nudges me once more, this time a bit more like a yank at my sandal.

“I haven’t seen you here before…” The man inspects my entire being inch by inch with a heavy gaze, seemingly finding an interest at my throat. I can only imagine what he must think. He talks some more from which I only understand a few of the words. “Let me see …, won’t you, …?” His hand reaches out for me to take while a grin spreads on his face, wine having colored his teeth red. It’s first now I notice the smell of opium that this man reeks of.

I blink. There is such a strong want inside my heart intertwining with my logical reasoning. For a moment I see him not as a man but as a ticket to the bottle, even if it just is a small drop. I long for the numbness. Have I lost my moral compass already?

“Quintus.” Another speaks.

Saved by chance, perhaps. I correct my back and look towards the voice.

“Emperor Geta!”

The sparrow wears new clothes but still the crown. “For how many times must I remind you not to attend these events?” Geta’s voice is stern.

“Well this servant-“

“Out.” He doesn’t let him finish. It’s not only a warning. Geta waves over some guards and they arrive swiftly.

They grab at Quintus and try to pull him away, but he gives them a fight. He dares to throw a punch, making one of the guards drop his helmet. A little victory, yet it is to no effort for his apparent escape, because four more guards gather up close. He fights until he is knocked out. A guard smashing his staff to his head, blood splattering from nose in front of and on Geta and I.

Solely, I stand shocked, perhaps even more scared. I seem to be watching it all happen before me, but I struggle to apprehend the reality. Dissociated. I feel as if I take blame of this man’s struggle. I blink again.

Geta stands unbothered, wiping the blood off as if it was dirt. However as soon as the man is out of the room, he switches just as Caracalla did just before. A puzzle piece unfit for the big picture of the emperors. “Where’s my brother?”

For a second I see myself reflect in his eyes. Reflect in him. Foolish. Perhaps I should ask, where is my brother, tyrant?

“Please.” It’s only a whisper.

The whole image I had put for Geta in shambles right in front me. I see how he wishes to have the courage to cover it by how it looks to pain him to say that word to me, to the woman he had threatened the night before. I see how the wine has settled between his lips and left its mark. Is this him without sense?

I point to the cloth, covering the table. I notice how Caracalla’s hand still lingers at my feet, his rings cold on my skin. I don’t want them to move away, but I see Geta and the ticket to the senselessness. Geta, the worried.

I might not understand him, but I think I understand this worry.

My brother dead in the sea. My own voice repeating in my head, praying: Hades, please lead him safely into death and let his soul perish but beautifully, carefully into your hands. The cold coin in his mouth, tugged under his tongue.

His gorgeous, gorgeous smile.

Geta pulls his brother out from underneath the table, both looking disarranged, but it’s not long before the sparrow puffs his feathers, his responsible-brother gown. They talk briefly, quietly, so that the crowd steal their words and throws them around. The only words I hear is Geta, speaking to me in my tongue: “Take him to his chamber.”

“Why are you speaking that language, brother? You know, I don’t understand.” Caracalla marks.

“Do not worry.”

I nod at Geta. Maybe out of fright or perhaps of a mutual understanding. The man who had me at the brink of death just yesterday now barely feels like a memory, more of a nightmare. A distorted depiction of the reality before me. I must not forget how he pained me. But… oh, how I understand. I am split in two.

I want to hate them so bad. I do; I must do. The Gods knows I must.

Caracalla looks at me with eyes so trusting. A fragile and troubled soul trapped behind a fancy façade. A will so unwilling. He holds my hand and walks off, dragging me along. Geta gaze follows yet he is frozen in place. A parade of pride waiting for him to perform before the party, I am sure. Intoxicated, incompetent of his role, I am sure.

But he stays, loyal to his duty, and here I hold Caracalla, incapable of the duty.

The Gods must know this empathy is only human. My brother must. Alexandra must.

What would they have done? I do not know. I am only human after all. Please, Apollo, bear over with my own fragile soul.

We make our way to Caracalla’s chambers. His eyes daring only to remove themselves from me to look ahead, to find his way. I try to take mental notes where and when to turn. He seems curious of my thoughts, but I know to not tell. I only wonder how it might shamble him to hear them, the truth of how I wish to be gone, and how I wish not to forget. Too much is already disappearing from my head.

My brother’s smile.

“Do you like wine?”

I look at him. I think I must not, I mustn’t. It will do no good for my mind, for my conscious. My guard will be gone; who knows what might happen?

The Gods know that I want to do well, when I nod.

I’ve had enough of these thoughts.

Caracalla calls over servants, handing me a glass as we enter through the ports of his chambers. The red poured almost to the top; they’ve been accustomed to do such. The drink of the Gods, I think, it must be good for something. Is it not?

I take a sip. Two. I can’t get enough of the taste that touches my tongue, the way it tingles as it goes down my throat. I feel it warm almost instantly, much more than the sun preying from outside. I feel Caracalla watching intensely as I do. His eyes on my lips. He takes a sip or two as well. He watches my lips just as his brother did - with such pleasure.

I calm my nerves with another sip or two, and it seems to spark a laugh for Caracalla.

���Careful now, meus flos! So eager…” He giggles and shakes his head. It’s like his earrings play a sweet symphony, glowing in the light of day. Playfully, they call to me. Caracalla says my name as he walks towards his bed, patting on the silk for me to sit.

My heart is beating so fast, yet my head is not flooded with thoughts. The sweet, sweet symphony flowing in my blood. I sit. “Good girl.” He praises me as his pet, flashing his golden tooth.

Those words do something to me. My cheeks heat. He chuckles and takes another sip. I watch how his finger holds the glass so delicately yet so possessively. How they grasp the neck softly, not letting go.

I go to take another sip, but before the sweet liquid reaches my mouth, he snatches it from me. I yelp, trying to get it back, making him hastily remove his hand from out of my reach. He laughs and drinks the rest. “You have to make yourself deserving of this drink, meus flos.”

He’s messing with my insides.

“Lay down.”

And I do so, my head on the pillow.

Caracalla puts down the glasses and crawls over to me, lowering himself to lay his head on my stomach. A feeling so odd crawling beneath my skin. Usually, my nerves would be alarmed, infected with filth, but I cannot deny this feeling that his touch feels good.

His hands crawling on the side of my legs, caressing and feeling on top of the fabric. The warmth of his touch and the wine keeping me from hesitating, from being frozen. Curiously, I let my fingers linger in his hair, watching as his entire body tenses but then relaxes. God, his hair is so soft beneath my touch. I take a joy in petting his hair, twirling it in between my fingers and pinching the ends. Sensation after sensation as his own hands wander from my hips to my waist, feeling the curves almost a bit too carefully, inspecting my body.

I notice a pit in my stomach that I never knew I had.

It’s like he inhales me as he breathes at a pace I haven’t seen before. It’s heavy as if he barely carries the heavy weight of it, so slow as if he is afraid of seeing the end of the next minute to come. I copy this manner and feel how our bodies flow into one, feel how his hair entwines and melts. I melt beneath his weight.

He starts banging his fingers to my side as if they were drums, tickling me to the point where I jolt - I feel a giggle escape my lips.

“no-“ A word escapes as well. I stop completely. Fright replacing every nice thought fluttering in the depths of my stomach.

But Caracalla looks up at me with such delight. Light shining from his eyes, endearing to look at. His smile is so wide, so bright, and pretty. It looks so pure. “I knew you could talk.” His voice like grains of sand falling through a strainer. Raw but so delicate. “I’ve thought of your voice from that night, every night.”

I blush. He chuckles once more.

“Keep it safe for me. I want it to be mine to hear. And mine alone.” The words are so sour but coated so sweet. There are sparkles all over the sea within the blue orbs. The alcohol starting to numb even further.

“Now. Hold me as I sleep.” He nods. “Will you do that for me, meus flos?”

I nod.

“Will you?”

“Yes.” I answer, quietly.

He smiles satisfied and lays his head back down, humming a joyous melody. My hands getting lost within his goldish locks.

A part of me feels as if I should be alarmed, warned even, remembering the harsh touch, the peeking which the sparrow threatened me with, but I do not. And I know, I shouldn’t take pleasure in this moment, but the Gods know. They know how a human must have its flaws. It’s how they intended it to be. Is it not?

I fear this new feeling in my stomach is far from done.

A/N: Okay... it's getting there guys... the tension. I am a bit nervous about this chapter, so I hope it's for your liking :,) Please do give me feedback as it helps me and motivates me! Any like, comment or question will do - it is all very welcome!! And I quite enjoy answering them/hearing your thoughts!!

Next chapter

Taglist: @syraxnyra, @omg-hellgirl, @t6gse370, @duckyhowls, @littlemissholy, @naysha140, @lover-rep-fanfic

[imaginesig]

Dog Dad

SMAU

Zak O'Sullivan x Reader

Y/n is one year older than Zak (so 20). Yn's two pups become paddock famous after she mentions them in an interview, but her next moment in the spotlight? her soft launch

f2_updates

liked by user2, user1, user82, and 891,828 others

f2_updates in an interview posted today, Y/n L/n, alongside Zak O'Sullivan, reveals she has 2 dogs:

L/n: "Yes I have seen that [F1 driver adopting dogs this season]. I already have 2 dogs at home so I will not be adopting another one anytime soon"

O'Sullivan: "really? I didn't know what about you"

L/n: "Yea I have a golden retriever I adopted when I moved into my first apartment at 18 because I was lonely, her name is Betty. And I just recently rescued Daphne, a Great Dane puppy"

Int: "So Betty like the Taylor Swift song, im assuming, where does Daphne come from?"

L/n: "Yes Betty like the song, and Daphne from Scooby Doo"

O'Sullivan: "please let me meet them"

L/n: "Of course!!"

tagged: no one

ynln my babies have made their debut!!

user1 aww her eyes lit up when she got to talk about her dogs 🥹

user2 Zak is all of us

user3 he really wanted to meet them

user4 I hope he gets too

user5 I NEED to see these babies

user6 the chokehold dogs have on formula drivers is killing me

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ynln posted 3 stories

caption: (1) baby reveal!! (2) beautiful girl Betty (3) and darling girl Daphne

Replies:

Zak.osullivan

Too cute!!

You have to meet them!! Are you free this Saturday?

Not anymore I’ve got some pups on my calendar!

User1

Adorable!!

User2

Awwwww

f1

liked by user72, landonorris, used91, and 819,829 others

f1 headcount of our beloved formula dogs ❤️🐾

tagged: charles_leclerc, pierregasley, ynln

ynln my dogs made it on the F1 page before me😭

user1 omg someone sign her now

Charles_leclerc we need a puppy play date @/ynln @/pierregasley

Scudariaferrari 🐶❤️

Alpinef1team in our doggie era

User2 best f1 post ever

User3 a nice break from all the breaking news posts

User4 fr this silly season has given me ptsd

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zak.osullivan posted 2 stories!

caption: (1) making new friends :) (2) @/ynln

Replies:

Ynln

The girls love you- I fear you may be invited back

Not a problem

I’m just hoping their mom loves me as much 😉

user1

Omg it happened!!

ynln posted a story!

caption: said he liked dogs or sum

Replies:

User1

Ummm hello???

User2

Girlie who is that??

User3

Weren’t you just with Zak…

twitter try and decipher soft launch (same sweater??)

f2_updates

liked by user1, user82, user12, and 618,828 others

f2_updates Zak O'Sullivan answering a fan question at a q/a earlier: fan: "based on your instagram stories we can assume you met Y/n's dogs?"

O'Sulluvan: "I did yea! I was able to find the time to head to her apartment from my parents house, it was a nice little day trip!"

fan: "are they are cute as their names?"

O'Sullivan: "Yes! Those are the most cuddly and gentle giants I have ever met, they made it hard to leave that evening"

tagged: no one

User1 wdym left that evening?? Zak we were all rooting for you

User2 maybe he meant leave them for dinner…maybe

User3 I think we all need to get back in bed

User4 id fall in love with a man if he talked about my dogs with way

User5 this is so cute

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ynln

liked by Zak.osullivan, user73, dorianpine, and 482,928 others

ynln P5, we'll take it!! Now onto rest and relaxation before it's back to the grind 🚤🐾

tagged: no one

user1 great weekend

User2 Yn I love you!!!!!!

Ynln I love you too!!!!!!

User2 OMG SHE REPLIED

user3 can’t wait for the rest of the season

User4 I hate when f2 goes on break 😭😭

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zak.osullivan posted a story!

caption: 🎶 Brown Eyed Girl Van Morrison

Replies:

User1

Oh???

User2

PLEASE PLEASE THAT BE YN

ynln

liked by Zak.osullivan, kimi.antonelli, charles_leclerc, and 526,827 others

ynln the best company

tagged no one

dorianpine soaking up that summer sun!!

Ynln you know it!! Next time it’s me and you

User1 didn’t Zak just post a girl on a boat…

User2 ok Divas I see yall

Ynln the girls came to slay ✨

User3 so the soft launch continues

User4 my face as a scrolled: ☺️☺️😳

Ynln lol

User5 not a lol moment! Let us innnnnnnnnn

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zak.osullivan posted a story!

caption: 🔍💜

No replies

ynln posted a story!

caption: 🪩🩶

No replies

Twitter break

f2_updates

liked by user81, user1, user72, and 618,828 others

f2_updates new podcast, same dogs! Y/n L/n gives a mid break update on her, Betty, and Daphne:

Int: "ok so now that we've gotten through racing, I have one final topic, you've began to post your dogs more correct?"

L/n: "yes I have! Previously I didn't realize people would care as much for them as they do. It's been so exciting though! I am one of those dog moms who have a million photos and I download all the ones my sitter sends while I'm away"

Int: "thats adorable! And you posted recently about a boat day with "good company," and it doesn't take the Mystery Gang to know you meant your dogs, but a new person was added to the equation was he not?"

L/n: "haha he was!"

Int: "you look very happy, has he taken on any dog dad responsibilities?"

L/n: "he has! This guy took me out once and decided that he was all in with my dog mom craziness, and the girls are obsessed with him!"

tagged: no one

User1 “he” like we don’t know it’s Zak

User2 if you watch the video she gets all giggly and giddy, it’s super cute

User3 Zak or no it’s obvious this guy is super good to her

User4 the (dog) dad that stepped up!!

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zak.osullivan

liked by paularon_, user93, ynln, and 723,892 others

zak.osullivan I take my dog dad duties very seriously

tagged: ynln

ynln the girls love you!!

zak.osullivan what about my favorite girl??

ynln she loves you the most 🩵

user1 their comments to each other I'm going to cry

user2 God its me again 🙏🙏🙏

user3 CALLED IT

user4 this is too cute!!!

user5 she looks so happy 🥹

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ynln

liked by zak.osullivan, user93, olliebearman, and 726,390 others

ynln the girls approve

tagged zak.osullivan

zak.osullivan 🩵🩵🩵

ynln 💋💋💋

user1 screaming, crying, throwing up

user2 we all knew, but its nice to know know

user3 between this and Zak's post I'm overwhelmed with the dog-Zak content

user4 no bc its all too cute!!

user5 awww Daphne and Betty!! Too cute!!

load more

f2_updates

liked by ynln, zak.osullivan, user93, and 729,929 others

f2_updates some familiar paws entered the paddock today!!

tagged ynln, zak.osullivan

user1 I love them!!

user2 I know it wasn't planned but its still so adorable that Zak and Daphne match and then Yn and Betty

user3 omg right?? It's meant to be

user4 literally

user5 ugh I need to see a motorsport puppy meet up!!

user6 rights?? They're so many now too it HAS to happen

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bonus

ynln

liked by zak.osullivan, Charles_leclerc, dorianpine, and 827,202 others

ynln the whole family is officially under one roof

tagged: zak.osullivan

unable to load comments

zak.osullivan

liked by ynln, user94, olliebearman, and 828,028 others

zak.osullivan safe to say im cut out for this (dog) dad business

tagged: ynln

unable to load comments

[armandposting]

sybelle & benji primer

for those who would prefer not to put themselves through The Vampire Armand

who are sybelle and benji? the short answer is that they are two humans that armand effectively adopts after killing sybelle's abusive brother. they help armand recover after his suicide attempt and come with him when he goes to see lestat in his devil-coma (don't worry about it). armand's intent with them has always been to protect them while they live out their human lives, but he leaves them with marius while telling his life story to david talbot and marius turns them, whcih devastates armand.

but also, sybelle is a 25 year old disabled pianist and benji is a 12 year old trafficked Bedouin boy from Palestine who chainsmokes. so there's kind of a lot going on there.

[prefacing this by saying it's possible benji and sybelle were first introduced in memnoch the devil but I haven't finished my reread of that yet and I don't remember, so this all comes from the vampire armand and what i remember of the prince lestat trilogy]

to skim over a bunch of semi-relevant plot, at the end of memnoch the devil armand tries to kill himself by flying into the sun because lestat got to make out with Thee Jesus and armand didn't. as he's getting burned up he has several semi-hallucinatory side quests, one of which is sybelle and benji.

sybelle, like I said, is a concert pianist, and has some sort of developmental or neuro disability that anne doesn't specify. you could interpret it as autism or psychosis related to PTSD or depression or any number of things, but when we meet her she is fixated on the Appassionata piano sonata, and plays it constantly. she is with her abusive older brother, who took over her care after their parents died, and Benjamin Mahmoud (benji), a young boy that her brother essentially bought to help take care of her. sybelle struggles with eating, dressing herself, speaking, etc, though this is all much improved later on after the brother is dead. Armand hears benji praying for something to save sybelle from the brother, who is trying to haul her off the piano and beat her, and benji is worried will kill her. Armand steps in and kills the brother. benji celebrates, sybelle goes back to the piano, and armand basically immediately falls in love with them both, but he has a suicide attempt to finish, so he gets swept off.

armand eventually lands on a rooftop, burned to a crisp and quickly becomes stuck in the snow and ice. he continues to hear sybelle's playing and benji talking to him (benji calls him angel at first, later dybbuk-- notable funny bit is that benji, not knowing what happened to armand, tries to persuade him back by saying he has plenty of good cigarettes and then complaining that armand left them this dead body to deal with. if theres one thing about benji mahmoud it's that he is not fazed by jack or shit). eventually armand realizes that he is not going to die any time soon and calls out to benji for help.

benji and sybelle rescue armand from the rooftop- he tries to telepathically shield how terrible he looks from them, but sybelle catches on that doing so is draining for him and tells him to stop. they're not afraid of his crusty ass and set him up in their hotel room (sybelle has endless trust fund money from her parents). they have to get a guy for armand to drink so he can heal, so benji lures a guy with the promise that there's coke under the "dead body" on the bed. yes, benji does come up with this plan. armand thinks it's hilarious. made for each other. it's notable that both benji and sybelle are daniel-style weird little freaks who want to watch armand do murders; the only difference is it's not a sex thing for them.

with armand recovered, sybelle and benji accompany him to come see lestat, where as I mentioned armand leaves them with marius for safekeeping and marius turns them. the consent here is... complicated. in terms of vampire etiquette, arguably marius absolutely should not have done this, as sybelle and benji were under armands protection. also just as a guy who is aware that this option is abhorrent to armand, someone marius still considers his child (eugh yuck etc), marius should not have done this. on the human end, sybelle at least was definitely old enough to consent, older than half the main vampires are when they're turned. benji would be really really offended if you said he wasn't old enough (much like amadeo) but also... he is literally 12. he's been through some shit for sure but he is 12. personally I'm going to go with under no circumstances should marius have done that. but sybelle and benji are happy about it and see it as a way to be a family with armand forever and armand does his best to not let his anguish bring the mood down.

and that's basically what happens. benji and sybelle go with armand between trinity gate and the court in auvergne. in the PL books, sybelle continues to play music, often with the other vampire musicians that have gathered at lestat's court, and benji starts the world's first vampire podcast.

other random facts:

benji mostly wears djellabas, and when the guy he brings to armand to kill is racist to him about it he says "sure, just call me Lawrence of arabia" and promptly feeds the guy to armand

benji also is fascinated by how armand looks all shriveled up ("I could take a lesson in muscles from looking at you") and sybelle has to tell him to focus on the whole luring a drug dealer to their hotel room thing at hand

for some reason anne thought that armand should mention that sybelle has breasts at like, every opportunity. it's one of those times when you're actually glad she didn't write more women because when she does she is so weird about it

in the PL books when interacting with Marius, benji also calls him master like armand does (Jacob Anderson voice eugh yuck!)

sybelle's reaction to watching crispy armand drain a dude while saying armand-typical creepy shit is to say "magnificent" and benji's is to say "bad guy, huh?"

armand thinks of the whole of telling his story in TVA as being for benji and sybelle, but particularly sybelle. he describes it more than once as his "symphony for sybelle."

Marius has a rare moment of self reflection after armand screams at him for turning the two, where he says "You loved them selflessly. For all their strange faults, and wild evil, they were not compromised for you. You loved them perhaps more respectfully than I… than I ever loved you." not a high bar my man!

anyway I think that's it, at least as much as I can remember without doing any text searches outside of TVA. they're weird little freaks and I love them very much though as usual there are many things about them I wish anne had done just a little differently!

[nightviator]

OK so hear me out. I'm going to tell you how I think they could make the subway scenes without making lila and Five a thing, and also having a really good character arc and making them show trauma signs. It's a bit long.

Like five would be as traumatised as he deserved to be from last apocalypse, having flashbacks and etc. Lila would see what he experienced to end up as the assassin he was and would think about her parents and the way she wanted to kill him because of her family but ended up being ungrateful for having one. And they could have great character arcs.

Lila and Five go to that subway. Five sees that thay lost the way to go back home and is really frustrated. Actually he is using that anger to hide the fact that he is scared. Traumatised. Because he has seen it all before.

He was there before. Lost, without power to help his family. He is scared. That time he had handler and there is now no thing such that. What if he has to wait another 45 years to go back to his family? Does he even has that mental capability? What if he dies before getting the chance?

He really is scared. Scared because all of the thoughts he had in that past apocalypse are coming back to him. But this time it really was his fault. He can't tell that he is a kid just saying no to his father (not that he could use it to convince himself before, the guilt was too much). He can't say he had no idea of what time travel can make. He had promised himself to never do such a stupid thing ever again and he did it. This time he abandoned his family when he knew they were in a bad state.

So he is scared and angry at himself and at lila and everything and ptsd and stuff and stuff and. Lila sees it. Lila can see what made the murder of her parents, the murder of her parents. She can see how traumatised he really was. And she wants to help. She was responsible in this because she wanted to be more than just a wife and mom and she kinda made him to come here.

But as the time passes five is in a way worse situation. He is loosing it. Also the one who wants to help him is the daughter of handler. Five is so paranoid. What if it was all a plan? What if he never really ran away from the first apocalypse and is still working for commission? What if this is mind games of handler? And if not, what says that Lila can't be another handler? The ones that find you when you're at your worst and try to act like they want to help.

So here we have paranoid Five and Lila who wants to help and understands how truly traumatised he is. She is also scared that Five may run away when she is sleep because he can't trust her now,and because of that she has to always keep an eye on him.

This makes him even more sure that something is up with Lila. And when they go to that very first apocalypse, he goes to his young self without paying attention to gun to make sure that its not all just memories made by handler and he is truly seeing this and the things he experienced after season 1 were real. He is gets shot and lila is the one who saves him.

She is like:"you fucking idiot!!! What are you doing?! You literally were the murder of my parents and now you're acting all crazy and are about to get both of us killed?!"

And he looks at her, yelling that he NEVER wanted those to happen, and just for the first time cries because he thinks all of the things he has done was because of handler but also thinks he is making those up to feel less guilty of being a murder for such a long time and also coming to this subway but at the same time he is paranoid and etc etc.

Lila sees how much guilt he had and also feels bad because does she really miss her family? If yes, why wasn't she more grateful this time? Why did she ran away from them then?

And she sighs, tries to stop nagging at such a situation and adds a mental note to make him go to therapy once they are out. If they are out. So he is all tired, and she goes to help him with that wound, and he just stares at her, disgusted and shocked and saying that don't you DARE to touch me.

Lila is so confused buy apparently this made Five really believe that Lila is just like handler and is trying to use him and make him feel like he needs her just to get closer to him. Is he going to let someone else touch him? Even go near him? Absolutely not. No. No way.

So he runs away, and she barely makes it to not miss the subway by using his powers. Five is there, bleeding but still refusing help. He is about to die, and then she won't be able to copy anything and will probably stuck here forever, and she is the one who made this happen. Such a selfish person she is, thinking about herself in this moment when five is DYING, she thinks.

And when they are both at the last level of disappointment, the subway finally stops in were they wanted. Home. Their home.

It's been such a long time, 7 years.

Lila jist picks Five, running out. Five survives and Lila has a emotional hug with Diego (who wanted to fix everything) and her children and they sob and they talk and they really fix problems.

And then one of the siblings makes a comment on Five, saying how stupidly he trapped himself in a thing related to time again as if he is addicted.

Lila is about to just rush and kill that person. She yells that none of them never really cared about how traumatised he was and she realises she was like that too.

Anyways, Five wakes up and siblings are ready for emotional support and things go back to normal or at least a bit good. And him and lila have such a iconic friendship.

Also Diego tries to be the good brother that he told that Five was. Because Five deserves good brother too.

Also, you want romance? Throw a scene when he finds Delores or human Delores there and wants her so badly but Lila has to stop him because they should go and Five just hates this because he thinks she is just using his love for his wife like handler. (Got the human Delores idea from another tumblr post that I can't find now.)

TADA!!!

BETTER PLOT!!!

....damn I wrote a LOT. I may make it a fanfic-

So... yeah. Love to know your thoughts too, because we are all so angry.

[witchofhimring]

From Green to Blue

Chapter 1: Eren leaves you for your best friend. As you wander the cold streets of Shiganshina, you wonder were everything went wrong.

This is a rewrite of From Green to Blue that I started two years ago on my og platform @blueroses789. While the story itself has not changed the characters and their development are given more exploration.

Every chapter in this series has been based off this song. Originally I was going to base this song off "Traitor" by Olivia Rodrigo, but realized that what I had in mind for chapter one does not fit. So instead I based it off of "Reckless" by Madison Beer.

Warnings: Angst, smut, mental health issues, ptsd, pregnancy

What was the first memory of your parents? For Y/n it was a towering figure looming overhead, white walls on all sides. Your mothers face was not clear. Whether it was time or pure terror that had washed away the details was unknown. At that time your room had been mostly bare. There was little to remember except whitewalls that gave the room a sterile atmosphere. The room and your mother was left behind, but the fear never did.

The first thing you remember about Eren Yeager were his eyes. Never before had you seen such vibrant green eyes. Eyes that were bottle green like sea-glass. But it was not the colour that drew you to them, at least not completely. You thought that even if Eren's eyes were the most unappealing colour they would still be entrancing. The life those eyes held, how easy it was to read them. How those eyes lit up when he was passionate about something. It had been Eren's passion that attracted you to him. It was those eyes that drew your attention to him. You remembered the way he looked at you. How those teal eyes seemed to hold you as if you hung the moon. It gave you a feeling of euphoria that you thought would last forever. But recently, that has faded. Now all he looked at you with was indifference.

You weren’t sure when it happened. Just that one day Eren's eyes no longer looked upon you with affection. Now they observed you with a cool detachment. You wished they were filled with hate, at least if he hated you it meant something was still there.

You chalked it up to Eren having a hard time at work and his mother being sick again. It started with him being stressed, then distant. You tried talking with him, but he would blow you off. Then he would leave at all hours and not answer your calls. It was at that point that you wondered if he was seeing someone. But every time you tried to speak to him about it, you were called paranoid. That was where you were naive. Because now he only looked at her with those eyes.

They say eyes are windows to the soul. Such lofty ideas should have been dismissed by a woman with your life experience. Maybe being in a relationship had made you overly romantic. Bit by bit you saw how he stopped loving you. It killed you when he started to treat you like nothing. You tried to speak to his friends. Armin was a great help. Sometimes he came over when Eren had left to meet someone, and cook dinner. But it didn’t fix your relationship. You had tried everything from doing things for him to trying to get talk with him. You considered counseling, but he refused to go.

You stood in the doorway leading to the bathroom, watching Eren as he fixed his hair. You smiled lovingly at your boyfriend. Hopefully, you thought, he might pay you mind. “Who are you going to see?” It was 10:12 in the night, so you wondered who Eren was seeing this late at night. You two had been tense all day. Eren’s mother was sick again and had to be hospitalized. She would be fine, but it was still a stressful time for him. You did your best to support him during these times. You had learned from a young age that it was always important to be there for those you loved. 'When you stop loving someone, do not be surprised if they leave.' Your mother had said. A wretched woman you had not seen in years, but perhaps she was right. As a young girl you had sometimes lost friends. Even years later you lay awake dwelling on the past. The long lost relationships did not even matter that much to you. Those "friends" had never been truly close to you, yet it mattered all the same.

Despite this, it was becoming a bit difficult when Eren was snapping at you every minute. 'I already told you, I’m seeing a friend.' He said shortly. Your eyes closed. The fondness that they held a minute ago had left. You were tired of this. Was it so hard for him to show you one moment of kindness? It wasn’t always like this. Yes, you had your ups and downs. But there had always been a light at the end of the tunnel. Without so much as looking at you, he brushed past you. Tears brought itself to the surface. Fuck. This hurt.

Not that you didn’t continue trying. You spent hours watching videos titles to the likes of "How to get buy bf's attention" and taking no of everything. Going to your gynecologist they told you everything was alright. This was a relief as you worried something was wrong down there. Then to the dentist. Still, there was no sign of ill health or anything that might off-put someone. You knew Eren's true pain lay in his mothers illness. How badly you wanted to help it. But it was becoming so hard with his careless cruelty. You had considered discussing it with him but resolved not it. 'It would only be selfish. His mother may be dying and here you are whining.' And so silent you remained.

The next day, you had spent hours getting ready. There was no important occasion, other than your desperation to get any form of love from him. There was no detail untouched. Multiple products were used in the crusade to salvage the relationship. Soon the bathroom smelt of strawberry and vanilla. 'And you will have a scent your boyfriend will not be able to resist!' The video had said. Coming out of the shower, a message from Eren appeared on your phone.

Eren: Be home soon.

Rushing to the bedroom you put on the green slip Eren bought for you. It was expensive, but was it wrong to treat yourself every now and then? You put on a large white t-shirt over it that went down to your knees. Predictably, Eren came home in a crappy mood. Not his worst, but not great. He let you take his bag and coat, then went to sit down in the living room. 'How was your day?' You sat down beside him. 'Fine. Just busy.' Eren closed his eyes. Deciding he didn’t want to be bothered at the moment. You stood up and quickly got dinner ready. Pasta seemed simple enough, plus Eren liked it. The whole time Eren didn’t say a thing to you. Normally this wouldn’t be something to be concerned about. But Eren had been like this for a while. Dinner was a silent affair with you attempting to start a conversation every now and then. As you washed the dishes Eren went into the bedroom. You heard him speaking to someone on the phone, though you couldn’t hear what he was saying.

'Hey.' You wrapped your arms around his waist from the back. His hair was down now. Carding your fingers through his hair, you press a kiss to his temple. 'It’s late. Wanna head to bed?' Eren shrugged and allowed you to lead him inside. It was dark except for the fairy lights you liked to hang around the place. You helped Eren undress and then slipped off your dress. Eren pressed a chaste kiss to your lips, causing your heart to skip a beat. This was the most affection he had shown you in a while. 'See? He loves you.' You thought.

“I love you.” Gently you pushed him onto the bed and straddled his waist. Pressing kisses from his cheekbones to his collar, you were desperate to show your love. He had been so stressed out and you wanted him to know you loved him. Hands gripped his hips as you went lower. Eren’s hands weaved tightly in your hair as you took him into your mouth. He gave a few shallow thrusts before fucking your mouth. “Fuck.” He groaned. You didn’t like this. It wasn’t the act itself that was the problem, but Eren’s attitude. Or rather lack of it. He seemed to just be using you as no more than someone he was sleeping with. No sense of caring in him. You normally loved to get him to the point where he abandoned any politeness and just fucked you. But this was different. Before, no matter how rough, you never felt used. There was always love and afterwards he always made sure you were well. This time you felt so demeaned. At least prostitutes were payed for these services. So you just let him use you, hands painfully digging into your scalp. You just wanted approval, even at your expense. After the deed was done, he got on top of you and thrust right into you. It hurt. So you just looked up at the white ceiling, hoping to get this over with.

💔

You met Hannah during the second year of High School. To avoid your mother you joined afterschool clubs. On Mondays you attended the Business Club. Despite not sounding altogether appealing it was actually quite popular. A group, mostly girls, would talk about their business ideas. Surrounded by friends you were showing them a picture of your imagined herb business when she walked in. A shy first year, Hannah more shuffled in than walked. Back then she had been gangly and slightly awkward looking. The moment you saw she was summoned over. 'What's your name?' She replied and from that day onwards it was history. Soon the two of you were friends and went everywhere together. No longer alone, Hannah was now part of a large group.

Meeting Eren came about several years later, during the first year of University. Your only took philosophy out of a passing interest. Arriving late, he decided to sit right beside you. You had acknowledged him as handsome but had no real interest as you never spoke to him, and only saw him in class. That all changed during a class project. As he sat beside you it was the two of you together. Upon finding out Eren would be your partner you nearly burned up. He sent you a dazzling smile, damn him.

Both of you met up in one of the many libraries. It was late but thankfully the University buildings were open late. Sitting on the windowsill you watched Eren read the passage allowed. Of the two Eren was better at this subject. These sessions mostly consisted of you listening and writing things down as Eren spoke. Unlike you Eren actually went into the course knowing a thing or two about the subject. 'Existentialism. The concept of an individual pursuing their own freedom.' Eren read from the heavy textbook. Curled in you wrote it down. 'Do you think this should be our opening?' You asked. 'No. It won't make sense unless we give some context first. Maybe we should bring up a philosopher first.' You felt a bit lazy having Eren take the lead. But there was really nothing else to do about it.

'Here, take a look at this.' Moving to sit beside Eren, you looked to the page titled "To have freedom it to err". Being somewhat familiar with his works you flipped through the chapter before going back to the beginning. Fritz had been an Eldian king and philosopher in the 14th century, shortly before Eldia when from an empire to merely a kingdom. As you went through the pages you could sense animosity pouring from Eren. Concerned, and slightly alarmed, you looked up. His green eyes were lit up in a way you did not like. Not the way he looked during intense discussions, where he was passionate but angry. 'Are you alright?' You said it quietly, so as to not attract his angry. Trying to appear small as possible you wondered if running away was the best course of action.

Eren's face sagged for a moment before he jumped slightly. Relief filled you when it became clear that he may not have meant to look so menacing. 'Oh, sorry. Hadn't meant to startle you.' Looking abashed Eren looked to the ground. 'Not a fan of his.' 'Oh?' Curious, you sat up properly and inched towards him. Seeing a captive audience Eren started. 'His weakness it just.... just disgusting.' Sounding thourly repelled

Handing the book back you watched Eren flip through the pages. And as you did so a feeling of unease settled into you. because when had you ever pursued your own freedom?

💔

It all came crashing down. It had been the end of a terrible week. You had failed a test, had to extend an assignment and Eren had continued to show you the cold shoulder. All you wanted to do was take of this fucking green dress, have a nice long bath, lay down, and cry. To your surprise, Eren wasn’t alone in your small apartment. Sitting beside him at the kitchen table was your best friend, Hannah. It had been first year University and you were having difficulty making friends. Shiganshina was a small town where everyone knew each other, so it was hard. Social groups had already been formed years ago. It had been your philosophy class that you first met. You had acknowledged him as handsome but had no real interest as you never spoke to him, and only saw him in class. It was only when the two of you got placed in the same group project halfway through the year did you get to know him. Oh how you wished you didn’t. Because that was when you first fell for him. It wasn’t immediate. You started out as friends, and soon enough you found yourself going to every movie, drink, and bowling night together. You had such a good time that you started to invite your closest friend. That was your second mistake.

💔

You walked arm in arm with a girl by your side. Hannah was the type of girl to get stared at as she passed by. She was gorgeous with shoulder length blonde hair and wide adorable brown eyes. Her smile was one that could make anyone's day. The dimples at the corner of her mouth gave her innocence and charm. You and Hannah were like sisters. Being raised as an only child you were delighted to have Hannah. Having a low contact relationship with your mother and your father being absent (he left after mother became pregnant, so the story goes), you created a new family. Hannah, Biannca, Eren, Mikasa and others made up this newfound group. It almost made you nightmare that was your childhood. Cold white walls, mother pacing angrily downstairs, cigar smoke. All that was replaced with colour, kindness and warmth. Or so you had hoped.

Spring had just dawned over the town of Shinganshina. Walking arm in arm with Eren as you discussed what to say. Although you loved Eren you knew he could be harsh without meaning to. Hannah had just caught her boyfriend of two years in the arms of another woman and was naturally distraught. For the past month Hannah had been holed up in her room, practically a prisoner to her pain. Your heart ached for her. In her position you would be little better. Constantly you visited her in an attempt to provide comfort. Today you decided to take her out for breakfast, the meal being on you.

She was waiting for you by the café entrance. Today she was dressed in a white jacket and blue jeans, looking tired. The second Hannah saw you she smiled, looking between you and Eren. "Hey Hannah. O, yes, Eren you probably remember Hannah.

💔

That was why, one cold November day, it was a complete surprise to see Eren and Hannah both sitting at the table whispering conspiratorially. The moment you walked in they fell silent. Shiftily Hannah leaned back in the chair, not even looking you in the eye. Eren on the other hand was looking at you in the eyes. It would have been better if he did not. Those dull eyes made you want to dig a deep hole and curl up in it. Suddenly Hannah was leaning into Eren. A lump formed in your throat making you feel dizzy. A horrible feeling settled in your stomach as an idea occurred to you.

It was like everything seemed to be leading up. Eren disappearing at odd hours. Hannah, your supposed best friend not answering your calls. Now that you thought about it, her behavior was odd. You had been so focused on Eren that you never suspected she was involved in any way. Well, at least you now knew why she wasn’t hanging around you anymore.

You knew what he would say before Eren opened his mouth. Yet it still hurt like a punch to the gut. “Y/n. Hannah and I have been talking and I think it’s best if we broke up.” He said it so bluntly, without the slightest hint of sadness in his voice. Just the usual monotone voice he had been using as of late. “Have you two been-” Your throat was painfully dry. You couldn't believe it. You had suspected Eren had been seeing someone, but you had no proof. And you were afraid that if you said anything, he would immediately leave you for her. You guessed that was a mistake. “So you’ve been cheating.” Tears filled your eyes as you grit your teeth. “We would never!” Hannah had the nerve to sound offended. You looked at her. “Oh really? So you didn’t open your legs for my boyfriend earlier.” The fact that it was her, your best friend, made this so much worse. You had spent sleepless nights wondering if there was someone else, he was with, and who she was. Was she prettier? Smarter? What was it about her that made Eren uninterested in you? Hannah’s eyes filled with tears. At one time, Hannah’s tears would have gained sympathy from you. But now all they did was infuriate you to no end. Your heartbeat painfully in your chest painfully. Blood ran hot, thundering in your ears. “Oh fuck off you crybaby.” Hannah flinched at your voice. Eren immediately turned on you. “That's enough Y/n.” You gaped at Eren. It was like you were talking to a stranger. The look on his face made you want to throw up. It wasn’t just distant this time. You had only seen that look once. It had been when some girl from your college campus had been harassing you and he had stepped in. It seemed that he now saw you in the same light, the person who was harming the one he loved.

It ended with you leaving the apartment to get some air. Eren reminded you that your things still needed to be taken out. He said this with his arm around Hannah’s shoulders. As you snatched your coat Hannah came up to you. You refrained from saying anything that might get Eren to snap at you. “Y/n, we’re trying to be kind to you. We will give you time to move out.” You couldn’t fucking believe this. Hannah was acting as if they were doing you a favor.

Right now, you are walking the dark streets of Shiganshina. You could barely see due to the tears welling up in your eyes. Sobs tore from your throat to the point it hurt. But you couldn’t stop, you didn’t want to stop. It was like a piece of your heart had been ripped from you by the two most important people in your life. You could barely breathe. After four years of being together, everything is over. That night you didn’t sleep, just wandered around till the sun rose in the sky. As the orange glow covering the sky like a blanket the city lit up your way, you thought about the times you had watched the sunrise with Eren. For a while you looked over the city from the forest cliff. Everything was coming to life again. Everything except your heart.

Note: I started this fanfic a while back and then sort of disappeared. I apologize. It was just that I lost motivation and wasn't happy with the original. What I will do is edit this book and then post the last few chapters. I want to thank everyone who read my story in the past, and is reading this now.

Taglist:

@emiraa

@chscklvr

@night-shadowblood-writes2

@hangezoessidehoedehoe

@halparkebitchebitch

@dayyy-siii

@logibearhockey1

@northweztth-st4r

@songbirdgardensworld

@betterwinter

@retrogobrrrr

@b-tchalert

@bluebeomz

@xngelsau

@peachtreexoxo

@chscklvr

@somethingstranges-blog

@0ddpsychxox

@mahbeanz

@littlemochi

@logibearhockey1

@dreamsarenicee

@wrenick

@erenyeagerwifee

[aforeffective]

okay so i posted this the other day about black friday and darry curtis and then forgot about it so i never elaborated soooo here are lyrics from the songs that remind me of darry/are soooo darry coded

for context: black friday is a musical from team starkid. it is a horror comedy about an eldritch god trying to take over the world by using the form of a doll on, you guessed it, black friday. lex is the oldest daugther of a poor, drug-addicted and abusive mother, attempting to get money to move her and her younger sister to california and away from their mother. tom is a war vet with ptsd who's wife died a year ago in a car accident (he was driving and they were hit by a drunk driver) and now he's trying to navigate his guilt with now being a single parent to their 8 year old son tim

black friday context: lex is being killed by a brainwashed follower of the god and as she's dying, she accepts her fate if it means that her sister hannah will be able to survive and get out of there without her (which, let's be real, is SO darry curtis)

"the plans for my father's hopeless seed, born into moral poverty"

"the dreamer has dreamed her dream"

"is there some lesson to learn? should i never have wanted? i never even got started or were the decks always just this stacked"

"i mean, it's really a godsend. clear my plans for the weekend, but there's nothing to subtract"

"i don't want your half-baked sympathy. when did it save those in need? still i thought that angels did exist, but now i hope they plan to end it quick"

"only my ashes will see the sea"

and then she has a whole verse about loving her sister, which is all darry core but then she realizes that she's not the one helping her sister but her sister is the one helping her and this is when she really accepts that she's willing to die and that she doesn't have to worry about how hannah will do without her

"did i need her more than she needed me? maybe i'm wrong, she can go on her own, but i'm leaving"

if i fail you context: tom is broken from the god's brainwashing, realizing that everything he had done "for tim" wasn't actually what tim needed and promises that this time he will actually do what tim needs

"my heart is so empty. everyone's dying, and that includes me too. i was gone long before you"

"if i fail you one more time, the punishment won't match the crime. cause there's no pain that could ever explain how i let you down"

"if i fail you one more time, the mountain i would have to climb is so high up that i would have to die"

"i failed you once and i will fail again"

"does he see a father who doesn't even bother to get to know him, to really know his soul?"

"maybe he's happy, i wouldn't have any idea"

"if i fail you one more time or if i fail to recognize what you need or when you need me to be around"

"and if i fail to hear your voice or i make the easy choice, the world will tear asunder drowning all"

"i failed you once but i won't fail again"

[lyle-and-erik-menendez]

Notes from Interview with Dr. Ann Burgess | Revisiting Menendez

Ann spoke with Erik on numerous occasions in preparation of the trial, interviews, therapy and attempts to get him to draw his story were completed. Ann also reached out to Lyle who refused and continued to work with John Conte, Lyle in the past and up to this day appears to be much more discriminating on who he interacts with then Erik. As a result much of her conclusions come directly from Erik, though she did interview the brothers together and spoke to Lyle at court multiple times, Erik was her patient. 

She makes a comment that Lyle made Erik go in first, Ann says the reason was “Maybe because he thought he wouldn't if he didn't”

I don’t understand what she means by this. Does she mean Erik wouldn't follow? Or that Lyle couldn't go through with the murders? 

Lack of Planning into crime: anger and fear based, out of the blue, unconcerned with where parents were, people hear the shooting and did not shut any doors, no silences on guns, had never shut a gun before, randomness of shooting was driven by fear, Jose 6 Kitty 10 - overkill, Ann mentions another similar case at the same time where an incest survivor killed her father, went into treatment not prison when the evidence was belatedly brought up.

Jose and Kitty: No one cared about the gunshots, no one tried to assist despite hearing. Is this due to how disliked they were in the neighborhood or more about Jose’s shady business deals being an open secret? Police also did not do much in terms of crime scene investigations, letting the brothers go

 Ann discusses Erik and PTSD, she claims at the time of the trial she did not consider Erik to have PTSD and makes no more comments about this aside from discussing the change between generalized anxiety and PTSD

Lyle struggled with relationships and schools, both boys acted out in unnecessary ways like theft ( they had money ) this is considered a red flag now in reference to abusive households or other concerns with young people who rebel against their homes and societal expectations. The boys bought Rolex watches and gave them away to friends and family. Ann also mentioned how tennis was helpful for Erik’s mental health, ‘dissociation’ ‘mental health’ in the way that he could focus on that and nothing else for hours at a time as the tennis was rigorous. 

Ann claimed that Erik saw he and his brother as “Conjoined twins” as well as his main form of support whereas Lyle saw them as ‘little brother - big brother’, she said it could be hard to get Erik off the subject of Lyle, which she did not find unusual as they did everything together, including the crime that they were discussing. Lyle would get angry at Erik but Erik would never get angry at Lyle and mentioned that Erik would “wouldn't dare as he was his main support, when the mother made her feelings clear”. 

Ann also spoke to Kitty Menenedez’s therapist and found out these details. That Jose had multiple affairs with women over the years. Kitty was 'obsessed’ with Jose. Kitty went to all the tennis tournaments of the boys and never missed them, and Jose and Kitty both would aggressively intimidate teachers to change grades.

Something I find odd as well is that for a family of that stature hosting parties and entertaining is a huge way to both continue business, socialise and throw around wealth, for them to do so is out of character as well as out of the social circles they were running around. This to me would imply that the family would separate themselves from mainstream society as much as possible to continue with fantasy images and not risk exposure.

Ann goes on to mention from Kitty's therapist that Kitty ‘viewed sons as trophies’. Considers Kitty to be a narcissist but Jose not sociopath, psychopath or antisocial, Pathological in regards to sons however he expressed what she called ‘muted sadism’ instead of overt sadism with his sexual abuse. 

Ann considered Jose to have said things to Lyle that Jose would never have said to Erik Erik easily brainwashed “that was his nature”. From discussion with Lyle’s therapist she noted that Lyle kept using ‘mother’ as a metaphor for ‘brother’ in discussing the abuse and reason for the crime. Saying things like “I had to save my mother” when he meant and would later admit to it being Erik that he was always referring to

I think this implies that both brothers had/have a history  with struggling to see Kitty as a perpetrator 

Anne ends the interview with discussion of Jose’s excuse of ‘male bonding’ to normalize and change the narrative of the sexual abuse with his sons. She mentioned that this is typical in incest cases of excuses for why its okay. She mentions that Father-son abuse and the  patriarchal nature of society, which is part of why it's both so prevalent as well as not discussed at the same time.  This is exemplified by the difference between male and female juries and the ‘trying to understand another’s perception’ If someone can’t identify with it, it didn't happen. Her phrasing of the men on the jury and their inability to identify with male victims of sexual violence by anyone ‘ I would never do that this could never happen’ compared to the women ‘ I could see this happening’ in terms of male on male rape and female perpetrators as foreign ideas.

One final note from Ann was that she found it interesting that the focus on the ‘gay’ brother was only on Erik and never on Lyle. She viewed one brother as more ‘picked on' over the other by the prosecution and the public.

[radical-ghostface]

How do you think Sebastian would react after getting released/escaping Azkaban and finding out MC was pregnant when he got sent away?

Alright so i thought this was gonne be way harder. But i jumped on this so fast.

Warnings: A little angst. Implied depression/ptsd.

Obvious implied Sebastian × MC , implied Ominis x MC.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

10 years. Its been 10 years since MC reported Sebastian for Solomon's death, getting him sent to Azkaban and ripping his heart out in the process. 10 years, and he was finally getting out. He thought about this day countless times. Though about getting to see MC and Ominis again. Thought about getting the revenge he deserved. Thought about ripping their hearts out. And now he finally could.

He may have to crucio a few people to get their location, but it was oh so worth it. His vengeance and hurt numbing him to others pain.

He walked up to their shared house. Oh how betrayed he felt. Is this why they sent him to Azkaban? The sheer idea of it setting him ablaze. They would get whats coming to them.

He peeked inside the window and was shocked at what he saw.

MC was braiding a little girls hair as she smiled happily, Ominis sat across from them.

In that moment all Sebastian could do was watch. His anger giving away to curiosity. Whos kid was that? Had they had a child together while he was rotting away in Azkaban?? The idea killed him and he found himself unable to breath. Not tonight. He can't do it tonight. But he resolved to come back tomorrow. He MUST have justice for what was done to him.

And he did return, the next night and every night after. But found himself unable to do anything but watch. Watch them from the outside while they were so happy together.

He did notice from all the watching that MC and Ominis didn't seem to be.. intimate. Their relationship seemed more like one of platonic soulmates. They were always there for eachother but not in the way MC and Sebastian were. But if that were the case then whos child is this? Who had MC had a baby with? Who would she? Other than Ominis, and that seemed to be very nuch not the case. The idea of MC with anyone else still set a fire inside him. After everything, even when she turned him in, he couldnt help but love her.

His thoughts were cut short

"Hi! Who are you?"

He turned around slowly to see the little girl hes seen every day for the past month

"Im.. and old friend of your parents"

"Nice to meet you! If you know my parents.. does that mean you know my dad?!"

He took a really good look at her face for the first time and noticed something.

She had curly brown hair and freckles all over her face. Brown eyes too. Curious.

"Ominis isn't your father?" He knew the answer to that already. Why did he even ask?

She laughed "no, of course not! Hes my uncle! He just stays with my mom to help out. She gets really sad sometimes"

He hated the idea of her being sad. How could he have ever wanted revenge? She didn't do this to him. He did it to himself. And he dragged her into it like he always did. He should leave them alone. Stop watching them. Let them be happy.

"Oh! My names Anne by the way! I just realized I never told you" she held her hand out to him.

Then it dawned on him. Oh merlin. How could he be so foolish. Anne..

"How old are you?" He asked taking her hand and shaking it lightly.

"Im 10!" She beamed.

It was like he was hexed. His mind swirling wildly. It can't be.. but it is.

"I.. i have to go. But it was a pleasure meeting you Anne"

He decided he would be back tomorrow. And not just to watch. He had missed enough. He wanted to be with his.. daughter. And MC, and Ominis. Every ounce of anger and betrayal gone. He would be back tomorrow.

[quindread]

THE COTTAGECORE MARI AU PROMPT THAT NOBODY ASKED FOR

Pairing: Daminette (edit: they’re like 19/20 in this, post high-school)

Rating: It has mature themes, you have been warned. But it’s pretty tame at the same time. Violence + Sexual Themes

________________

Mari is diagnosed with PTSD and anxiety disorder after she quite literally removed her beloved city’s supervillain (and her dear partner’s parent) from the plane of existence. Like she removes the suffering from the minds of all of Paris and has Gabriel written off in a car accident a year after his wife’s disappearance. Only her Court (Adrien, Kagami, Zoe, Alix, Max) and the Order remembers. Mari and Adrien decide not to pursue a relationship. They’re both healing and are decidedly better off friends - siblings in everything but blood.

Lila, who was not punished due to her not really being a miraculous holder and upsetting the balance, continues to slander Mari. Her class isn’t hostile but has no desire to interact with the “new and mean Marinette” Lila was painting her to be. It’s still a huge betrayal given the fact that Mari was supportive and very generous to these people.

So here’s how her new housing arrangement works: have you ever wondered how Gina can afford to travel around the world without a job? Yeah, I think she came from money. Like, old money - real estate old money to be precise. Passive income and such. Hearing about her Fairy’s situation, she offers an unused property at the countryside of Metropolis.

Marinette’s therapist and parents approve of her vacationing there for the summer when they realize that her stressors and triggers where all environmental. So off our girl goes!

Note: She does not have the mother box with her anymore, just Tikki, Plagg, and Kaalki. (She does have unrestricted access to it as the Grand Guardian though - she trains with the Order once a week in Tibet until she doesn’t)

Mari is aware of the Supers and was relieved that the Kwamis don’t show up in x-ray visions and with the fear of them eavesdropping she learns FSL to communicate with them.

The townhouse and the verdure around the property inspires Mari to start a garden. The quiet oddly soothes her and when she feels lonely she goes into town or the nearby farmer’s market where she charms the locals. She meets the Kents - they love her! Martha enjoys baking with her. Lois uncovers her identity as Jagged and Clara Nightingale’s exclusive (and reclusive) designer - they bond over fashion trends and the gossip surrounding the industry. Clark and Jon were another story.

She figures them out having sensed the same soul in Superman and Superboy in this father-and-son duo. They x-ray her as a precaution and finds the mysterious cracks and evidence of past injuries that should have killed her. There’s a very anti-climatic reveal that Martha and Lois are not privy to with respect to Marinette’s wishes.

At least one Kent would be in her home during the day. The Kwamis are free to roam around when it was Clark and/or Jon visiting. She ends up bonding with Jon who also grew up too fast (metaphorically and literally).

She ends up extending her stay in Metropolis indefinitely. Her parents also decided to open a branch of their patisserie there which Mari managed. They visit her as often as they could.

Mari was dismayed to find that no, Metropolis had no schools with both a fashion and business degree - that’s how she ends up in Gotham University.

Jon tells Mari about a Damian - a friend of his.

J: He’s…. uh… he has a big heart.

M: …

J: He’s a bit of an asshole(?)

M: Ah.

Mari meets Damian who reminds her of Kagami - antisocial and proper. They share a few business classes and are both members of the art club.

Mari is still this ball of anxiousness and has only allowed Mia “Maps” Mizoguchi and Katherine Karlo into her life, the former she learned was close to Damian - she didn’t mind when she and the girls met up with Damian, he was quiet, honest, and minded his own business. Through their hangouts Damian finds out about the friendship between Jon and Mari.

He’s hesitant to befriend her at first due to the conflicting rumors about her: due to her timid personality she had a split reputation. One side called her sweet, shy, and kind. While the other calling her arrogant, high-maintenance, and rude. He soon finds out that the latter half were spread by cliques who’s offer of friendship she declined and men she rejected. He was glad that he relented to Maps’ insistent invitations - she was a decent person to hang out with and it didn’t hurt that she was pleasing to the eye. (She also enjoyed sharing her vegetarian salads with him - he starts appreciating it more when he learns that she picks the vegetables straight from the garden she grows.)

As her luck would have it, a robbery unfolds at one of their favorite coffee spots. Mari and Damian - who were both pretending to be civ - try to find a way to protect their friends. The robbers recognizes Damian as a Wayne and takes him and another GU(a school for rich and affluent people’s children) kid - Marinette - who had stood in front of her friends.

They’re gagged, blindfolded, and carted off to who knows where. Damian discreetly activates a distress signal and the bats spur into action. Mari, aware that she was sturdier than Damian, draws the men’s attention to her (she purposely pisses them off and gets beaten up when they start to pester Damian).

M: [removes her gag somehow] Really? A ski mask? And in black? How boring can you get?

*Damian shaking his head furiously in the background*

Kidnapper(KN): Shut up, girlie!

M: You know I always wondered how Kidnappers could have a secret a warehouse as a hideout. It’s not like you can afford the rent—

KN: Are you trying to get yourself killed?

M: You’re backed up by some politician aren’t you?

KN: H-How the fuck did this bitch know?

M: There’s literally a stack of campaign papers behind you.

KN: Wha—

M: That’s some shit graphic design by the way. I’ve seen grade schoolers that can do better.

KN: [points a gun at her] Shut up or I’ll blow your brains out.

M: You wouldn’t.

KN: The fuck do you know—

M: You need me alive to get ransom from my parents.

KN: …Nobody said you had to be in one piece though.

M: Touché—[get slapped hard]

*Damian basically starts convulsing in the background*

M: …Damn. You punch like a cunt—[And the kidnappers basically start to rough her up]

The bats arrive in five minutes and it’s Red Hood that finds them first. He sees these mf’s beating up a woman and goes ballistic(pun intended). Red Robin and Spoiler has to forcibly restrain him when he starts to use his fist instead of his guns.

M: [bleeding and bruised] And that’s how you deck someone, you amateurs.

D: [who was released by Black Bat is confused, mad at himself, and in awe] You blithering idiot! Why the fuck would you aggravate our captors like that?

M: [delirious] It was either you or me Damian. Can’t have your pretty face damaged now, can we?

D: [Is floored and very concerned] And what of yours?

M: … dun worry—my assets are…elsewhere… [passes out from the pain]

D: …

Later, his family would tease him about the flirting when he isn’t all sensitive about the incident.

Winter break comes, most of the Batfam visits the Kents(they have a penthouse/some ridiculous property in Metropolis) as a tradition. The Kents went to visit Gotham and stayed at the manor last year.

(Batfam who went: Bruce, Dick, Jason, Steph, Cass, and Damian)

They visit Mari too. Dick and Steph are absolutely thrilled about her cottagecore lifestyle. So much so that they match her aesthetic and begin helping out in the garden - they send pictures to Alfred who request they bring back fresh produce.

Jon and Jason plot to get Damian and Mari together. Unbeknownst to them that Damian was already resolute on courting Mari like the decorous man that he was - he didn’t know what he was doing but Mari’s flush when he initiates flirting tells him he’s doing okay.

Because of his childhood, Damian was never the type to be touchy but imagine his shock when he finds out that one of his more prominent love languages was physical touch. He realizes he’s touch-starved almost immediately when Mari starts giving him small touches like a hand against his bicep, she had a fondness for touching his hair which never failed to deliver a shiver down his spine, and hugs from her are comforting - she felt like home.

Meanwhile Mari does not have any idea how she survived the early stages of Damian’s advances. He was blunt and did not pull his words with insults but it apparently translated to him being verbally open with his affections.

M: I always wanted to be the Knitting Fairy while growing up.

D: Does it not please you that you became a garden fairy instead?

M: Huh, that doesn’t sound so bad.

D: Well, you certainly look the part.

M: [turns into the same shade as the poppy beside her]

And then when the tension between them became more prominent he wasn’t shy with dropping innuendos too.

M: [open’s the door for Damian, haggard from lifting sacks of garden soil] Oh, I didn’t know you were coming so early. I’m a bit of a mess. Sorry.

D: [Tilts his head] You say that as if I wouldn’t appreciate you sweaty and tousled after a rigorous activity.

M: [self-combusts]

And when the touching began?

M: Damian, what color do you think looks better with this shade of blue?

D: [places a hand on her side while looking over her shoulder] I think the a more neutral cream would do.

M: [stops functioning]

Their first kiss?

Pulled straight out of a book that Marinette only read in the privacy of her bedroom.

They’re teasing each other, it evolves to a game of cat and mouse with Damian skillfully evading her. She corners him by turning on some of her sprinkles. He gets wet, growls in the way he would in Mari’s dreams, and pulls of his shirt. She’s too distracted by the hard planes of his stomach to notice him prowling towards her like a beast moving to claim his prey. He picks her off the ground with ease - he’s a foot taller than her - and takes her to the sprinklers.

(I’m going to write this part out properly, maybe to inspire myself or a potential adopter of this prompt)

“Nononono!” Marinette shrieks as the first round of water splashes her. She writhes but Damian had her arms held down her sides.

“All is fair in love and war, Ya Amar.” She ignores the endearment in favor of closing her eyes as the sprinkles rotate in their direction again. But she knows what it means. Ya Amar. My moon. His moon. The water had nothing on the chill that ran down her spine

The water stars seeping into her intimates and she’s soberly aware that the light fabric of her dress would betray her. It doesn’t take long for Damian to discover that fact, he releases a strangle sound. She opens her eyes, he snaps his eyes from where he was clearly looking at her chest. He scrambles to drop her.

“Shit— I’m sorry. This was not my intention—“ he starts but she’s faster. Her now free arms grasps his shoulders and without a second thought, she drops her lips to meet his. Damian inhales sharply and he tilts his head, temporarily breaking the kiss before raising her higher and pulling her by the back of neck - he kisses her with hunger and passion that has Marinette melting further against his chest.

She wraps her legs around his back and he moves to tightly grasp both the back of her thighs. She would worry about bruises later when she didn’t have Damian’s tongue caressing her own. He drops them to the ground and Marinette does not release her hold over his waist. She whines against his lips when she feels the consequences of their activity.

His hands start wandering as he greedily collects and files the sounds that leaves her lips. He begins to trail kisses down her neck to the neckline of her dress that now clung to her body like a second skin giving him his first peek at the maddening shape of her body. And just when he trails a finger against the underside of her breast a loud noise pulls them apart.

Jason finds them and the sight in Mari’s garden has him dropping the shovel he was asked to bring over.

J: Fuck! No, don’t stop! Hell—I’ll leave—I didn’t see shit!

D: [moving to cover Marinette who covered her face in embarrassment] Fuck off, Todd!

J: I’m sorry! [slams the door shot]

D: Tt.

J: [shouts from inside the house] Use protection!

D: Todd!

They started officially dating that day and Jason had no reservations in sharing that he definitely cockblocked his little brother much to Mari and Damian’s horror.

Both keeps the PDA to minimum in school but it was very clear how amorous they where in “private”. There is a table in the art hall that Mari can’t quite look at without blushing to her roots.

She finds out he’s Robin after her first encounter with his alter-ego. He confesses his past when she confronts him. There’s fear of abandonment in his eyes when he gazes at her after his spiel but she kisses his worries and doubts away. She even goes to show her appreciation for his years of service to Gotham.

Her reveal happens when she unceremoniously drops a vial in Jason’s hand claiming that it would remedy the effects of the Lazarus pits with continuous use - it was completed after a year in the making.

Cardinal joins the Batfam occasionally as part of Batman’s contingency plans. They respect her choice as a retired super-soldier and try to keep her out of the business which she appreciates. She is officially initiated as a member of Justice League Dark as an informant/magic specialist and a wildcard.

Years later, she legally inherits the property from Gina when she and Damian get engaged. Damian moves in with her and she lives her cottage life all while being a reclusive designer that comes out once in a while for fashion week.

FIN

AN:

Maybe there’s a Lila take down somewhere but I don’t have the energy to write her at all. We all know its Damian and Tim that makes sure she never sets a foot in high society ever again.

Ig add some details about learning to healthily cope with her anxiety disorder under the guidance and love of her found family? (I have a similar illness but me and my therapist are still figuring it out so I have little idea how to write this) Her PTSD does not need further discussion (miss ma’am had to kill someone) but her anxiety disorder stems from the fact the she’s a person who’s in charge of world-ending powers - everyone and even yourself can become untrustworthy. She starts to get nervous from misreading body languages and everyone is suddenly out to get her.

[mrfrogmouth]

Love and Family and Violence

I want to take a moment to talk about Kara and Lena and love-- not about romantic love, that’s a bit separate in this case, but about Familial love and what it means to the both of them. 

I’m going to go a bit more in-depth in relation to sibling relationships later, but first, I just want to focus on what familial love means for the both of them. Family is meant to be your stable point: it is your formative environment, and it shapes how you approach all future relationships. And when I start digging into family and those two, the first thing I find-- the overwhelming thing I find-- is death. 

For Lena, her mother is dead. Her father is dead. Her brother is a mass murderer who tries to kill her. Her adoptive mother is a mass murderer who tries to kill her. And she loves them-- all of them, and desires their affection even when she knows that they are nothing but sorrow and ruin for her because they are her family. 

For Kara, her entire house burned to the ground around her. Her aunt is, by all accounts, fucking insane and a mass murderer who tries to kill her. Her uncle is a mass murderer who tries to kill her. Her parents, people she idolized, are the reason her world is gone. Her mother responded to the betrayal of her sister by sending her to a hell dimension for eternity. Her father created bioweapons. Her adoptive father is dead because of her-- because he loved her (whether this is true is up to interpretation, but Kara believes it). Alex is her closest companion. Alex, whose duty from when they were children was to keep Kara out of trouble, to keep Kara alive. There has never been a moment in their relationship where the threat hasn’t existed, where Alex wasn’t Kara’s guardian as much as Kara later became Alex’s. Death and violence are inexorably tied to every familial relationship Kara has. 

As for siblings-- Lena’s issue is obvious from the start. Her brother’s love and care were entirely conditional and, at times, an intentional social experiment. He’s violent, he’s manipulative, and he’s a psychopath. Kara and Alex’s issues are a little more subtle in the context of the show, but when you take a step back, they are horribly codependent. That eases a little as the show goes on, but not significantly (and more from lack of attention than resolution). I’ve touched on Alex’s whole duty as the older sibling to 

Keep Kara hidden at all costs, Your father is already dead. The government may come any day and kill us all. If we are caught, it is your fault.

and later in her life her duty of 

Keep Kara safe at any cost. If Kara dies it is your fault, even if she walks up to a robber with a loaded gun and puts the barrel against her skull, it is your fault

and it was explored to some extent on the show, but we do need to look at the other side of that coin: 

This girl is how you stay alive. Your place here killed her father. You may yet be the reason she is killed. But she is how you stay alive. She is how you learn to look normal. She is the only friend you have who knows who and what you are. She is the only one who knows about your nightmares, and your ptsd, and your home, and your faith. She is the only one who can ever know. Knowing may get her killed.

God, what the fuck does that do to your psyche? The anxiety these two display towards normal adult separation is frankly unhealthy. There’s relying on each other, and there’s whatever the hell those two have going on. I love my sister, truly, I do. I see us, sometimes in Kara and Alex, but most of the time all I can see are 2 massive trainwrecks only kept from completely derailing because they’re propped up on each other. 

I mean, obviously, Kara and Lena are psychologically all the way fucked, but can you imagine what this does to a person? To have your entire idea of family tied to the worst moments of your life? To desperation and necessity? To abject terror? No wonder they have no idea how to function in a normal relationship. No wonder they are so ride or die with each other from the beginning. It’s two people who’ve never had a healthy relationship dynamic in their lives trying to work their way through a friendship. 

(To those who would bring up Jack Spheer and Sam-- you’re totally right and Lena did have those totally stable relationships with other people, but I see two options with this. 1.) These limited normal relationships are literally the only reason this woman is still sane. 2.) If the show does not want to acknowledge their existence or impact outside of their single episode arc or season, then I won’t either. Supergirl introduced like 5 different “Lena’s ONLY FRIEND EVER” across it’s running time.) 

(To those who mention Winn and James, I argue: One of those involved Winn falling in love with Kara and being very obvious and weird about it the whole time, and the other Kara immediately falling in love with James, obsessing over him for a year and then suddenly realizing she wasn’t really that interested. James and Kara had enough emotional baggage of their own due to his relationship with Clark, even without the romance plot. Those relationships were never going to have an even push and pull as is typical in a friendship. Kenny is probably the closest thing in canon we see for Kara, and we all know how that ended)

Something that really stuck with me was the scene in the fortress in 5x07, when Kara is trapped with kryptonite by Lena, and she asks “Are you going to try to kill me?”. Lena is, of course, disgusted by the very idea of it, and takes it as a personal insult. You can argue that Kara was justified by the kryptonite and Lena’s theft and obvious hurt, you can argue that the line was OOC. I used to think that. That one line bugged the hell out of me. But I do want to explore it through this lens of family and violence. Kara has, many, many times, taken the place of Lena’s family in supergirl. Romantic or not, it is false to say that Kara did not love Lena. 

So Kara is standing here, imprisoned, in horrible pain, and she asks the question. “Are you going to try to kill me?” 

And honestly, why wouldn’t she think that? She knows Lena has killed. Lena just confessed to killing Lex. Lena killed Lex for her-- a life for a life. She knows Lena has tried to kill before (see: Morgan Edge). And if, for her, love is always this heightened, tense thing-- dangerous. Something that could drive regular anger into violent, murderous betrayal, is it not perfectly natural for her first assumption when confronted with any violence from a loved one to jump straight to mortal danger? 

And she doesn’t even think Lena will succeed! Try, she says. Try. Astra tried, failed, and later saved her life. Try is impermanent. Try can be fixed. Try is hopeful.

Lena takes this statement as the ultimate insult-- proof that at the end of the day Kara has always thought she was just like her family, that Kara has never truly loved her, and never understood how much Lena loved her in return. But Kara does love Lena, we know this. Kara does not think Lena is just like her family, we know this. So maybe, just maybe, Kara isn’t associating Lena with the Luthors, but with Kara’s own family, with her own, deeply unstable understanding of love and anger and betrayal. 

[titaniaqueenoffairie]

Tamlin week: day 4: Powers

@tamlinweek

"Rise, Spring Beast"

Summery: Tamlin, broken and forgotten, stands on the edge of death, haunted by his past mistakes and losses. When even death refuses to claim him, he realizes the land still sees him as its High Lord. With nothing left to lose, he embraces the beast within and rises—not to be forgiven, but to reclaim his court with fury. Spring awakens, not with beauty—but with vengeance.

Trigger Warnings⚠️ : Suicidal ideation and attempt Self-harm (jumping from a cliff) Emotional trauma and PTSD Parental abuse and neglect Grief, abandonment, and betrayal Dark themes involving death, rage, and magical violence

Acknowledgment: The idea that Tamlin’s father knew Amarantha’s interest in him and used it as a political move was inspired by a brilliant theory originally shared by @booksnwriting

The forest is silent.

Tamlin stands still, unmoving in his beast form, his massive body hunched beneath the ghostly light that filters through the bare trees. He does not watch the woods—he merely faces them, as if waiting for them to speak. As if waiting for them to condemn him.

His mind is far away. Buried in memories.

He sees his father’s face—cold, violent, cunning. The same man who used him like a bargaining chip, who sold his strength to Hybern, who offered his own son to Amarantha as if he were no more than a token. He remembers his brothers—vultures in velvet—who would have killed him without a blink had they learned what truly brewed in his veins.

He remembers the night everything was torn away: his mother’s scream. The blood. The fire. The crown thrust onto his head like a curse.

He remembers fifty years of darkness beneath the cuuse. The cursed silence. The friends he’d sent to their deaths. The endless guilt.

And then… Feyre.

Feyre, who he loved. Feyre, who he believed would save him. Feyre, who took everything.

His court… His people... Lucien.

Even Lucien left because of her.

A cruel voice echoes in his head. Rhysand’s words—cutting, unforgiving: “You deserve to die alone.”

Tamlin’s claws dig into the damp earth. Rhysand. That bastard. If it hadn’t been for Tamlin, Rhysand would have been dead. Tamlin had every reason to not revive him and yet he did… he helped him—for Feyre? For Prythian? For what? So he could be mocked, pitied, scorned?

Maybe Rhysand was right.

Maybe he should die.

His court is in ruins. His magic falters. The land itself barely alive because of him.

He’s not just forgotten.

He’s useless.

He lowers his head. “Maybe the next High Lord will do better,” he mutters. “Maybe it’s time.”

A flutter of movement.

A tiny pixie lands gently on his antlers. Delicate, bright-eyed, curious. She stares at him as if he’s not a monster—but a part of the forest.

For a moment, he forgets how to breathe.

Slowly, painfully, he shifts into his fae form. The weight of his beast sheds, revealing ragged skin, hollow cheeks, eyes dimmed with years of agony. But the pixie does not flee. She stays. Now on his hand.

Then she takes off, fluttering through the trees.

She was leading him somewhere.

Something tugs at him. Curiosity, perhaps. Or the last thread of what was once hope. He follows.

Through the broken forest, past dying streams and silent glades, she leads him.

Until they reach it: a lake.

Pixies. Nixies. Goblins. All gathered around the water. And there—on the edge—a single, blackened tree. Burned during the Hybern attack. A reminder of all he failed to protect.

The pixie perches on the tree’s charred branch.

Tamlin stares.

The smallest of his people stayed and didn’t left.

She was asking him to fix the tree. She knew he was the high lord of this land and asked for his help.

Tamlin lifts his hand. A flicker of green light dances from his fingers.

The tree breathes. It groans. It blooms. Its branches stretch, wide and warm, sheltering the lake once more.

He breathes out. “At least I did one thing before I die.”

But the world… they won’t remember this.

They’ll remember the beast. The failure.

He walks.

Barefoot.

Aimless.

He finds a cliff. High. Jagged. Silent.

He doesn’t think.

He jumps.

To his death. To his peace.

The wind howls past him.

And yet—

He lives.

He crashes into the rocks. His body should have broken. But his power, his magic surges. Healing him. Binding him.

He screams.

“Is that what you fucking wanted?!” he roars to the skies. To the land “Is that why you chose me?! I ruined you! I destroyed you! What are you waiting for?! Just END ME!!”

Silence.

And then, a whisper—not from the wind, but from the land itself.

“You are not finished.”

The land won’t let him die… not until he fix all of that.

Tamlin realise

He staggers to his knees… Rage of years and years burning in his eyes.

Years of suffer and lost and betrayal !

“They think I’m a monster,” he breathes. “Let me be one, then.”

His voice steadies. “Let me be the beast they already believe I am.”

He rises.

“I’ll die. But not now. Not like this.”

“I’ll die with a sword in my hand and my enemies on their knees.” he decide

“If this land wants a High Lord…” His hands clench into fists. “Then I’ll be one.”

A pulse surges through the earth, once he finally trully accepted his fate as high lord to this land.

The trees shift.

The wind halts.

The land answers.

“I command you: rise, and take your place.”

The earth cracks open.

Vines slither.

Monsters of bark and bone crawl forth from burrows long-forgotten.

Spring magic roars.

Not gentle. Not floral.

Wild.

Deadly.

The Spring Court awakens—not with love, but with rage.

Tamlin lifts his face to the sky, his voice a whisper of ancient power: “You chose me. I never wanted this. But now—I accept.”

And power surges.

He stands at the edge of his court. The Night Court’s spies cross into Summer.

Rysand’s puppies wainting his fall.

He lifts a hand.

To protect this land.

Vines twist upward. Thick. Thorned. Beautiful from afar—terrifying up close. A wall forms.

A wall that no monster, no lover, no traitor shall cross.

Roses try to bloom.

They wither.

Only thorns remain.

Epilogue:

The sky above Spring Court is bruised with dusky light. The air hums with an unnatural stillness.

Lucien walks alone, through twisted paths of thorns. The trees whisper, alive with secrets.

He reaches the wall.

Massive. Towering.

Alive.

And yet—it parts for him.

As if the land itself remembers him.

He steps through, heart pounding. The forest watches him. No birds sing. Only rustles in the brush—green glowing eyes, bark-armored wolves.

The manor is barely recognizable. A husk of what once was.

In the main hall, Tamlin stands facing a shattered window. Broad shoulders. Straight spine. Still as stone.

“Oooh... So the land still sees you as a loyal citizen, after all,” Tamlin murmurs.

Lucien tenses. “What do you mean?”

“What is that wall? This magic? What happend exactly”

Tamlin turns. Slowly.

Eyes like no longer shining but instead dark green like emerald feeled by rage.

“That wall?” His voice is low. Calm.

“It stops those who carry ill will. Who no longer deserve what the land once gave freely.”

“What the hell happend Tamlin !”

The glamour drops.

The forest behind him moves.

Monsters—spirits of bark and vine, creatures older than any court—loom behind him, pulsing with life. Bowing to him with deep loyaltie.

“This,” Tamlin says, “is the true nature of Spring.”

Lucien staggers.

He doesn’t see the broken man anymore. Not the ghost, not the failure.

He sees something ancient.

Tamlin’s voice is quiet. Deadly.

“This is what it means to be the High Lord chosen by the land.”

And in Tamlin’s eyes— his friend’s eyes

Lucien sees it.

Not sorrow. Not love.

Rage.

Rage so deep it could reshape the world.

And gods help those who stand in its way.

[lunaria1]

Poppy Playtime oc

This is specifically for the SecurityAngel ship where my oc takes the place of the player. If you don't like it then don't interact with it

Name: Lunaria ‘Angel’ Greenes 

Age: 45

Birthday: 21st August

Species: Human 

Sexuality: Bisexual

Gender: Genderfluid 

Family: Mother( Unknown) Father( deceased) Daughter Amelia( Alive) 

Parents: Divorced-Mother ran away and the father died of a ‘heart attack’ 

Appearance: She has long rainbow hair that she tends to curl and dark brown eyes. She wears glasses as she has difficulty seeing without them and when in the lab she wears a simple outfit of black leggings with a white shirt and a lab coat. She also wears moon earrings and a necklace with hearts on it. She is a little bit on the cubby side with thick thighs and a bit of a stomach but she doesn’t refer to herself as chubby. She does have a lot of scars on her arms and legs from past abuse but she keeps them hidden with her clothes 

When she came back to the factory she wore a very simple outfit,  just some leggings and a shirt but during her time there she got many scrapes, bruises, cuts and her glasses got cracked. She has a lot of dried blood on her and her hair is a very bad tangled mess 

Any conditions: She’s autistic and has ADHD and severe depression and PTSD

Personality: She is polite and composed most of the time but she does have a very bad temper and is very protective over her loved ones. She can be sarcastic and even seen as rude sometimes but she just speaks her mind pretty much all of the time, sometimes even out of the blue. She does have empathy and sympathy for people but if she has to make someone suffer to get to her end goal then she will do it without hesitation. She’s also a yandere if she loves you and she won’t let anyone get in her way. Despite being messed up she does know that she is seen as ‘wrong’ and ‘cruel’ in society so she raised her daughter to be slightly better. 

Likes: Rain sounds, spending time with her daughter, singing( she does that as a hobby), killing people if she thinks they deserve it, working in the lab with chemicals, being the smarter person in the room, teasing Harley 

Dislikes: Talking about her past, people getting in her way/stupidity, getting blood on her clothes, her daughter getting involved in her work, getting outsmarted 

Love interest: Harley Saywer 

Job: She’s a doctor and psychologist at the factory 

Relationship with Harley: They started of as strangers, just randomly meeting each other on the street, then they became co-workers then they both developed feelings for one another but they never acted upon them when the factory was active 

Backstory: She's an only child of divorced parents. Her mother ran away the second the divorce was finalized because the husband was extremely abusive. Because of that Lunaria was given to him because she had no one else and no orphanage would take her in permanently. The father being a very VERY bad person who was involved in multiple crime schemes including drugs and murder, turned his abuse towards her and did so many bad things like hitting, burning her ect. Even getting a friend of his to SA her later down the line and she gave birth to a daughter. Though he also taught her how to kill unintentionally. She did go to school and graduated university with a medical degree and a physiology degree as he had to pretend that she was living well with him but since she didn't really have anywhere to go yet she stayed with her dad for the majority of her early life. Her dad later died of a 'heart attack' which in reality was her just killing him with poison that made it look like a heart attack and she was free. She actually met Harley before he came back to Playtime and she applied to work there purely because she had nowhere else to go and she was very curious about what they did there. At first she thought that the people in the toys were bad people that deserved to die as that’s what she was initially told to get her on board  but she later found out it was children which at first disgusted her but she later accepted it. She did feel bad for the children and did comfort them when possible but she did really want to see how the project would go. She doesn't let him anywhere near her daughter though. He doesn't even know about her as she doesn’t want any of them to touch Amelia let alone turn her into a toy. During her stay at the factory she got fairly close with Harley, to the point that many of their co-workers wondered if they were together but Harley and Lunaria were oblivious to their feelings towards one another, though he did give her gifts such as her necklace and earrings. The day he was taken Lunaria was working with some of the other experiments and was completely outraged when she couldn’t find him anywhere, knowing that this was unlike him to not show up. She took it up to Pierre and made such a scene that he forced her to take time off and she did. Because of that she wasn’t present during the hour of joy and was one of the very few survivors of the massacure. When she came back to work she saw that the company was in ruins but she didn’t go inside and started a new job as a private medical doctor and picked up singing as a part time thing. 10 years later she got a letter to come back to the factory and she did despite having her suspicions.

[the-bitterest-breakups-poll]

Poll: Round 1c #2

[Image ID. And image of Eddie and Shannon from 9-1-1 sitting together. Shannon is on the left and Eddie is on the right. And an image of The Locked Tomb books covered edited together. End ID]

*Reminder that Break up is being used loosely here and not all relationships may be romantic in nature

Propaganda under cut"

Eddie and Shannon:

They only got married because she was pregnant and he booked it to Afghanistan to financially support her without having to actually face his relationship fears (breakup 1, while they're not only dating but married), he comes back for their kid's birth and immediately re-ups, now also because of his fears about fatherhood (breakup 2, married with newborn), and leaves his wife with his controlling parents and mom with cancer who lives states away as her only support system. gets shot, comes home, can't handle his controlling parents on top of his PTSD, which, newsflash, neither can she, so when he says they can't move to take care of her now dying mom, she up and leaves in the middle of the night (breakup 3, girl power). his parents are awful about her and try to take custody of his disabled son, so he books it to the state his wife lives in to preserve both their autonomy and what's left of their family unit but does not contact her until a school with stellar supports for his son needs to interview her because they're not actually divorced and then they start fucking in secret (messy!! Messy, messy, MESSY!!!). He lets her back into their son's life for Christmas, they're technically back together, they have a pregnancy scare but it's fine, he proposes again (while comparing their relationship to being drowned) and she asks for a divorce (breakup 4) and then gets hit by a car in an intersection and dies on the scene (breakup 5, actual end of relationship). Her last words are about how she was leaving their son again. THERE IS NO GREATER MESS THIS SHIT IS BAKED ON CAKED ON NO AMOUNT OF PINK GOO CAN GET IT OFF

They got together in high school then got married because she was pregnant. After they were married he joined the military and went to Afghanistan (ostensibly to provide for their family but by his own admission because he wanted to get away), at one point re-enlisting against her wishes. When he did come back (only after being injured), SHE left to take care of her terminally ill mother and didn't come back for over a year, at which point she and Eddie began to sleep together again, but he initially kept her hidden from their son because he didn't trust her. He refused to even discuss this with her until she publicly confronted him at work. He does let her around their son again, but the only time we see Shannon and Eddie together again, they're fighting. They later have a pregnancy scare, which prompts him to "re-propose" to her. She instead FINALLY asks for a divorce. And then she gets hit by a car and dies for some reason. I realize this is more of a messy marriage than a messy breakup but personally I think their whole relationship was just a messy breakup in slow motion.

Mercymorn the First/Augustine the First/Emperor John Gaius:

-M-- and A-- were John's closest companions before the apocalypse, then they were killed by a bunch of cultists who betrayed him, then he STARTED A NUCLEAR WAR AND KILLED ALL LIFE IN THE SOLAR SYSTEM just because he was mad some trillionares manipulated everyone, then he brought them back to life but with new names and their memories erased to be his disciples because he didn't think they would agree with his actions, then eventually he had them kill the other most important people in their lives to gain immortality and also more attention for him, thousands of years later they have a threesome and steal his sperm to give it to a terrorist leader (who's in a different threesome) to make a baby to kill and use as a bomb, then 20 years later the threesome returns as a distraction so a lobotomized teen can kill their coworker, then eventually he finds out they betrayed him, Mercymorn kills him but he comes back immediately and kills her, then he turns around and offers Augustine complete forgiveness despite also trying to kill him, Augustine refuses and throws the whole space station into a metaphysical river to trap John/"god" in Hell, but his apprentice saves John instead of him so he goes to Hell instead, then John is a wreck, leaves basically an evil child in charge of his empire, and sleeps around with his army for presumably a whole book

Okay SO. buckle up. (Also, HUGE TLT SPOILERS AHEAD.) John Gaius is god. Mercy and Augustine are 2/3 of his remaining saints. They have a terrible, millennia-long polycule (that at one point resulted in Mercy and Augustine stealing God’s jizz to try and kill him—that’s off topic tho.) Mercy and Augustine eventually attempt to kill him again after learning he tricked them into killing their best friends ten thousand years ago. And they all try to kill each other : )

John Gaius is God, and Mercymorn and Augustine are the first and second of his Saints. They're intensely close. Like, they've been together for ten thousand years, they've had at least one threesome, and they were best friends in their previous lives before that. The thing is, Mercy and Augustine sort of suspect that John is lying to them, so they hatch a plan to figure out what he's not telling them. Which turns out to be a LOT. They try to kill him, he kills them instead, and then he spends the whole next book in a dramatic depressive spiral, neglecting his Empire and sleeping with pretty much his entire senior staff. Personally I suspect Augustine and Mercy were 80% of his impulse control, and without them John plans to destroy the solar system and start over from square one.

- (this propaganda is only for John Gaius and Mercymorn the First) Messy quite literally because she atomises him, then he puts himself back together and (again, LITERALLY) rips out her heart.

Also emotionally messy on the basis that this breakup has actually been going on for at LEAST twenty years, and involved two separate threesomes which were actually ploys to a) steal John's sperm and b) distract him from the murder of his best friend.

Important information to note for those who have not read TLT: in killing John, Mercymorn fully believes that the sun will explode and the entire solar system will be destroyed. She ain't afraid of collateral damage in HER breakup.

In terms of relationship categorisation? Who's to say. They're friends they're lovers he's literally her God he wiped her memory and he's been lying to her for ten thousand years it's a whole thing.

[sjsmith56]

The Duality of Nature, Chapter 7 - Doubts

Summary: Winter encounters Tony Stark. The existence of the vibranium universe is considered. Winter is cleared from the medical unit.

Length: 6.4 K

Characters: Winter, Tony Stark, Nick Fury, Noelle, Winnie, Peter Parker.

Warnings: Emotional trauma, Winter meets Winnie.

Author notes: I wanted a direct but awkward encounter between Tony and Winter where the subject of his parents came up.

<<Chapter 6

While Shuri was well into her examination of Winter, Noelle took Peter's vitals again. Bruce promised to release him by the end of her shift if his readings were within a certain range. Since his urinalysis came back clean it was obvious his kidney injury wasn't serious. He would still be grounded for several days, pending a final examination to clear him for duty but he could stay in his quarters, instead of in the medical centre. When Noelle began to write up the paperwork to release him, she was surprised to see Tony near her desk, appearing anxious and fidgety. He smiled wanly at her.

"He's busy?"

"Bruce? No, he's in his office." She pointed to where the Avengers' doctor was going over something on his computer. Tony shook his head, pointing instead at the room where Shuri, Ayo, and Winter were. "Tony, is everything okay?"

He looked distracted as he answered. "What? Yeah, it's all good. I just wanted to see him, the Soldier."

"He has a name, Winter," said Noelle. "Soldier was what they called him to dehumanize him."

"Yeah, his designation along with the Asset," mumbled Tony. "How long will they be?"

"Tony, what's going on?" asked Noelle. He was still looking at the room and she gently touched his arm, trying to draw his attention to her. "Talk to me."

He looked both distressed and embarrassed, enough so that it drew the attention of Bruce, who was now watching him through the window of his office. Slowly, Bruce got up and stood in his doorway, looking at Tony with concern then coming out to confront his friend.

"Why are you here?" he asked.

"Is it true? He's a separate personality?"

"Tony, you know we're still investigating that," replied Bruce.

"I know, I know, but you gotta tell me. Is it him? Is he the one?"

It was clear to Noelle now what Tony wanted. Bruce sighed, motioning for her and Tony to come into his office. He closed the door, asking Friday to soundproof the room.

"What do you want to know, Tony?" he asked calmly.

"Is this Winter the one that killed my parents?"

"Does it matter? You made your peace with Bucky a long time ago."

"I know, but if it's true then I need to talk to Winter," said Tony. "I have to know the truth."

"Why?" Bruce looked at his friend intently. "What purpose does talking to him serve? Bucky already told you the truth and made amends. You forgave him."

"Yeah, but did he take the blame for this Winter to protect him?"

"He wasn't aware that Winter existed," said Noelle. "As far as Bucky knew he killed your parents."

"How can that be?" scoffed Tony. "You're telling me that he's had another personality that did all the killing but let Bucky believe it was his fault?"

Bruce sighed, took off his glasses and squeezed the bridge of his nose for a moment. Then he looked at Tony with an expression that said much about the friendship they shared. It was full of empathy and understanding.

"You know I have dissociative identity disorder, right?" he said patiently. "Me and the big guy. I didn't always know what he was doing but since we've been with the Avengers, he's been better at acting for the common good and I don't have to worry that he's hurt innocent people. I suffered a lot of emotional and physical abuse as a child, that led to a lot of unrestrained rage and anger. The big guy was the manifestation of that after the gamma radiation I was exposed to made him viable." He took a deep breath. "Bucky had a relatively normal childhood, except that his father had PTSD from World War I, which wasn't treated as a medical or emotional condition. It was seen as a personality deficit and many men with it self-medicated with alcohol, which led to its own set of problems. He became protective of his mother and sister because of it. As his doctor, I shouldn't even be telling you this, but I want you to understand what Winter is to Bucky. When HYDRA began torturing and brainwashing him to become their assassin, their programming never really took, because Bucky's protective nature was so deeply rooted. HYDRA tortured him even more to break him and that manifested the Soldier. We think he was protective of Bucky, recognizing that Bucky wasn't a killer, not in the way HYDRA wanted him to be. So, the Soldier took the burden on himself to protect him, to keep HYDRA from destroying all that Bucky was, by allowing himself to become their killer. Even then, they still had to program the trigger words to bring the Soldier out as he stayed in the background. Bucky was aware when Winter did what he did, believing that was his evil side doing it. He hated that part of himself, feared him even. When the code words were neutralized, Bucky believed the Soldier was destroyed. Instead, he stayed hidden, accepting and following Bucky's vow to never kill again. But he's still protective of Bucky, and by extension, those people who are important to him."

"Like the Avengers, and his family," added Noelle. "Winter even protects you. Bruce, it's certain that Bucky doesn't know about Winter still being there, does he?"

"No, I'm sure he doesn't, and when we get Bucky back that's going to be some conversation," replied the doctor. He gazed at Tony with sympathy. "If you really want to talk to Winter about your parents then I can't stop you. But he knows what he did as a killer and he's ashamed of it. He only did it so that Bucky could keep what sanity he had left while HYDRA tortured him."

Tony nodded, now seeming unsure of his insistence to see Winter. He looked at his hands then at Noelle, almost as if he just realized she was affected by this as well. "How are you doing?"

"Trying to stay strong," she admitted. "Winter thinks Bucky is alive but he's in a void, a place without form. He's worried that Bucky is giving up, accepting that he's dead."

"He has a connection?"

"Yeah, twice he's felt Bucky. Why?"

"Bruce, that shape that showed up on the suit's long-range infrared camera. We are exploring that more, right?"

Noelle looked quizzically at the two men since this was the first she heard of it.

"Well, we were going to have a briefing after Shuri finished her examination and discuss that," he said, then he looked at Noelle. "I think you should be there."

"Then Winter should be there as well," she responded. "He's the one who still actually feels Bucky's presence. He needs to feel like we trust him."

"Yet you haven't let Winnie see him," stated Tony. "Not judging, just saying the obvious."

"No, I haven't," agreed Noelle. "He's asked, several times, but she's so little and doesn't know what Bucky went through. She still thinks Winter's her papa and that he just doesn't remember her. I don't want her to be hurt if she finds out what Bucky was forced to do when he was HYDRA's prisoner."

Tony ran his hand through his hair and nodded, his face grim but more accepting. "Yeah, that's fair. Sorry, I'm just shaken by all of this. Obviously, not as much as you."

He opened the door to Bruce's office and stepped out at the same time as the door to the room where Shuri, Ayo and Winter were opened. The super soldier exited, making eye contact with Tony, who froze, unsure what to do. That Winter recognized him was confirmed when he approached Tony.

"Stark, Anthony Edward, son of Howard and Maria Stark, code name Iron Man," stated Winter, in that toneless manner he had for mission reports. He breathed out noticeably before speaking further. "The Asset regrets the deaths of your parents. The mission specified no witnesses, no survivors; the Asset was to retrieve the serum and bring it back to Colonel Karpov."

Tony swallowed as he looked up at the dark-haired man. "Did they suffer?"

"The Asset tried to act as efficiently as possible, but they felt distress for a short time." He looked down, his hands clasped in front of his body in a posture of submission. He trembled slightly as he recalled that day. "It was a cruel mission, whose only purpose was to elevate Karpov's position in HYDRA. The serum worked exactly as Abraham Erskine always said it would on lesser people. For the ones it was injected into, it amplified all of those traits that HYDRA valued more, brute strength, anger, arrogance, disdain; turning them into creatures who found pleasure in death and destruction. It made them uncontrollable, and the serum went to waste, making your parents' death even more tragic and unnecessary."

A range of emotions passed over Tony's face as he listened then he looked at Winter. "You remember all of them. Barnes said he did."

"The Asset will never forget any of them. When Barnes made the decision not to kill any more the Asset was determined to follow that. It is why the Asset... why I help Barnes to make sure the Avengers all return home from their missions. When he is at the end of his physical limits, I offer my strength to complete the mission. It is not enough to make up for what was done but ...."

Tony put his hand out, unwilling to touch Winter but wanting him to see the gesture. "No, it's not but it's all you have." He looked up at the taller man and gave him a sad smile. "Thank you for speaking with me. I forgave Bucky. It might be a while before I forgive you, but I don't hate you. I hate that you had no choice in the life you were given, that you took on the task of killing to protect Bucky. HYDRA inflicted pain on a lot of people."

He turned away and left the super soldier standing there, watching Tony leave with sad eyes. Shuri and Ayo also witnessed the exchange between the two men without interrupting. Winter glanced at them, then at Noelle and Bruce. Before any of them could say anything to him, he returned to his room and closed the door, never once showing any other emotion on his face. None of them spoke for a time then Shuri stepped forward.

"Do you have a moment, Mrs. Barnes? There are things to be discussed with you before the briefing."

"Please call me Noelle. Can Bruce and Helen be part of it, as Winter's health care providers?"

"Of course," smiled Shuri. "It is a most unusual case, and we will need everyone's input and cooperation to resolve it. I've already enlightened him on what I found."

Inside his room, Winter looked out over the pond. If he felt such things as vindication, Shuri's agreement that Barnes was no longer with him, other than the tenuous connection he occasionally felt with the man, wherever his essence was, should have comforted him. She admitted to being surprised at his presence in Barnes' body, that for years he had succeeded in hiding his existence even from her. To her and to Ayo, it explained how Barnes had been able to convincingly pretend to be the Soldier while in Madripoor during the Flag Smasher mission. They didn't quite believe Winter's insistence that the performance was all Barnes, as he had felt it was a dangerous move to make at the time, suspecting that Baron Zemo had his own ulterior motives for assessing the physical capabilities of their shared body. Once Shuri was assured that his presence was not a danger to anyone, she promised Winter to use all of her intellect to locate where Barnes was and reunite them. While she used this time to confirm to Noelle that Barnes was gone, he wanted to think more about other things, including Iron Man, Tony Stark.

Iron Man ... that had been another encounter he wished hadn't happened as quickly as it did. It concerned him that all the progress made between Barnes and Stark could be lost by the knowledge that the real perpetrator of the elder Starks' deaths was him, a personality previously hidden deeply in his host's psyche. Winter had known Stark was there in the medical centre. The scent of the man's cologne had seeped into the room where Shuri was examining him, alerting him to his presence, along with the fear pheromones that radiated off of Stark. Still, their encounter ended as well as could be expected. He hoped what words he did use provided some sort of comfort or resolution to Stark. Interpersonal relations weren't something he understood very well.

Then there was the earlier news of the shadowy form that appeared on the long-range infrared video taken by Iron Man's suit. It was obvious that Barnes' disappearance from their shared body was related to the presence of this form but what was it? Where did it come from and why did it focus only on Barnes' body in the quinjet?

Surprisingly, a possible answer to the final question occurred to Winter, first. Barnes was the only individual not affected by the first set of beams. Yes, it was because he was inside the building, so he wasn't visible to whatever entity was guiding those beams. Yet, he did receive a blow from another beam, one that stunned him for several moments, unlike what happened to the others. Winter looked at his vibranium arm, wondering if it had likely dissipated the impact of that beam. Perhaps he should have brought it up during his session with Shuri. There was something obvious but not yet uncovered, that could explain why Barnes did not suffer the effects of the beam like the others did. The injury that damaged him more was from the blast of the explosion at the Cerberus facility. It was all so confusing but with his thoughts allowed to consider all possibilities, in the quiet of his room, he was certain he could formulate a theory.

One hour later

Everyone was already in the briefing room when Winter entered, accompanied by Noelle, Bruce, Shuri and Ayo. All conversation ceased as everyone's eyes focused on him. Following Noelle, he sat on a chair and faced the front where Nick Fury stood, trying not to feel anxious at the scrutiny.

"Well, I was hoping to keep the speculation down but by the sound of the conversations in this room it's already known," drawled Fury. "The man who just entered, who looks like Bucky Barnes is in fact the Winter Soldier. Or was, as he has changed from what we all remember him to be. For the purposes of acknowledging his individuality, he is to be addressed as Winter, not Soldier or Soldat, just Winter. He appeared last night, after Bucky Barnes went into surgery for a brain injury. When the anesthetic and spell that kept him under was stopped, Winter is who woke up. He was confused, fearing that HYDRA had him in their clutches but once he was convinced that we were not the enemy, we ascertained that he has always existed in a shared state in Barnes' mind. His existence was thought to have ended after the trigger words were neutralized but, unknown to your colleague and to us, Winter was still there in the background. He is loyal to the Avengers and has apparently provided his help to Barnes when he was at his physical limits during previous missions. I'm sure you all have your own recollections of missions when the man seemed to draw on another level of effort to bring everyone home safely. It would appear Winter is responsible for those efforts."

"Is Bucky dead?" asked Shaun, then he stopped as others gave him an incredulous look for asking so bluntly. "Sorry, Noelle. Maybe I should rephrase that. Where is Bucky?"

"We're not sure, except Winter has a connection with him that has him convinced Bucky is still alive, but in a void where he believes he is dead, or perhaps in a coma," said Fury. "Normally, I wouldn't believe that to be possible, but we encountered some new developments earlier this morning. Friday, run the Ironman feeds from inside and outside the quinjet, side by side, half speed."

They all sat and watched the feed showing the shadowy outline that seemed like a person, appearing over Bucky's unconscious body in the quinjet, then the outside feed showing the two shadows disappearing into the sky. If silence could be described, stunned would have been an apt description.

"What was that?" asked Joaquin.

"All we have is speculation right now," replied Fury. Winter stood up. "You wish to speak?"

He nodded, standing nervously. "Barnes was only stunned by the beam that came out of the portal and it seemed by the other video evidence that his vibranium arm dissipated the effects. Is it correct, that the vibranium on this planet is from an extraterrestrial source?"

He looked at Shuri, who glanced at Ayo, then shrugged very slightly as if to admit they needed to share this. "The vibranium present in Antarctica has been confirmed to be extraterrestrial in origin. The origin of the vibranium in Wakanda is guarded as it is different from the Antarctic deposit. We have buried its actual origins deep in our creation mythology and religious practices. But yes, it is not only extraterrestrial, it is likely from another universe. It is difficult to share this information with you and I expect that information will not leave this briefing."

"It won't," said Fury, fixing a steely gaze on everyone. "Do you suspect the shadow person has something to do with the vibranium?"

"If you look closely at the video footage, it seems to inspect Barnes artificial arm first," said Winter. "In my two connections with him, in the other place, he still has the artificial arm. No harm has been done to him, although he is afraid that he is dead. What if this shadow individual took the entity that was still responsive, Barnes, because he had a limb with a metal that was part of their universe, but shouldn't have been part of ours, and is trying to communicate with him, by accessing his thoughts and memories."

"They already took the people from the Cerberus facility," stated Carol. "Why wouldn't they just use them to communicate?"

"Because they are Cerberus, and are interested in one thing," said Tony. "They want power, not understanding. Sharing information isn't part of their vocabulary. If they're anything like their predecessors, they would die before disclosing any information. Friday, can you go over the initial readings of the Cerberus facility and determine if any shadows descended on it? In fact, is there any way you can search for evidence of vibranium in the mountains where the facility was located?"

"Searching, stand by," said the female voice.

"Everything was gone from that facility, right Danvers?" asked Fury. "When you went inside, leaving Torres outside, there were no signs of anything or anyone."

"Nothing," she confirmed.

Shuri was accessing her own AI on her kimoyo bead bracelet, flying through screen after screen, looking for something. She finally found what she was looking for, then sat back and contemplated what she found before signing to Ayo. Winter watched them intently, then Shuri realized his attention was on her.

"You understood that?" she asked.

"Yes," he replied. "It makes more sense."

She stood up in front of the others. "Friday can confirm this," she said. "There was a deposit of vibranium in that location, buried deep under the ice of the last ice age. When the ice retreated, it was covered by the debris left behind by the retreating glaciers. Somehow, HYDRA found it and built a facility on it. When HYDRA fell, the true nature of that site was lost, until someone in Cerberus realized what was there. They set up shop there, seemingly intent on using the vibranium. It's not there anymore. Whatever that portal was didn't just take the people and the equipment. They took the vibranium, somehow converting it to look like a shadow as it was taken."

"Friday? Can you confirm that?" asked Fury.

"Confirmed," said the voice. "Trace elements of vibranium are still evident at the location. It is possible that the explosion triggered by the Avengers exposed the deposit which allowed the vibranium to be taken. There was a large shadow presence visible after the evacuation of the quinjet that disappeared just before the portal closed completely."  She hesitated for a moment.  "The explosion in the portal didn't actually close it completely, leading me to speculate that it had no effect and the closure came from the other side."

"So, it would appear that an extraterrestrial force of some kind, maneuvered us into exposing the vibranium," said Fury. "They took it, and they took the one person who had a vibranium prosthetic. Except, they didn't take his physical body, perhaps because they sensed Winter's presence in it as well. What's their endgame?"

"Maybe to locate the source of his arm," said Carol. "They may be looking for Wakanda's vibranium deposit now and using Bucky to find it." Everyone looked at her. "Cerberus would have used that vibranium for weapons, right?" Nearly everyone nodded their head. "Wakanda doesn't, at least not exclusively. Even though the beams incapacitated everyone on the Avengers team, there were no deaths, just injuries. Bucky's injury was the worst which was caused by the blast. What if they took the vibranium to keep it from being used for harm? Maybe they want to confirm that the other vibranium is being used responsibly."

"That's a big maybe," uttered Fury. "Until we find otherwise, we consider the shadow people a threat to Wakanda."

"Why didn't they take me?" Everyone turned to look at Sam. "I have a vibranium shield and there is vibranium embedded in my suit. They should have been able to detect that as easily as the vibranium arm. Hell, with that much vibranium on me maybe I shouldn't have been knocked out."

Fury squeezed the bridge of his nose between his thumb and forefinger as if he was trying to stave off a headache. Then he looked up at everyone.

"I don't know," he said, sounding defeated. "Except, you're not an enhanced human and what vibranium is in your suit might not have been enough to protect you from those beams. All we do know for sure is that these shadow people sent a beam that incapacitated a bunch of enhanced humans, as well as several normal humans. They appear to have taken a number of humans into their universe with them, plus the soul or essence of one of our own. A previously hidden vibranium deposit has disappeared into thin air. Until we get a better idea of what these people want, we work on the assumption that they may be hostile, and Bucky is their prisoner, even though they don't seem to have harmed him. I don't know what else we can do." He looked at Bruce. "Are there any more tests or examinations that require Winter to stay in the medical centre?"

"No," replied the doctor, after confirming with Helen and Shuri. "He doesn't have to stay. If we need him for anything we can request he come see us."

"Friday, assign quarters to Winter that he can move into tomorrow," ordered Fury. "Mrs. Barnes, if you could provide more wardrobe for Winter from Barnes clothing, considering the circumstances, I would appreciate it. Let's start working on a way to detect these incursions before they happen and figure out how to get Barnes back."

"I have one more question," asked Carol. "When I arrived here and checked the satellite imagery there was evidence of nanotechnology being used to repair the facility. It's one of the reasons I went there to investigate. Yet, when I was there, I saw no evidence of it. I don't like it when things aren't what they first appear."

Shuri brought up her kimoyo bead bracelet, rapidly accessing data on it before seemingly finding something. She looked at Carol with a grim face.

"It may have been a trap to draw the Avengers there," she said. "Whether it was a trap laid by Cerberus or the shadow people is unknown without further analysis." She shrugged. "Sorry, I'll spend more time on it tonight. You're right that we should explore everything, no matter how trivial or irrelevant it may seem to be."

The briefing ended with as many questions being asked at the end as there were before. Noelle sat with Winter and Shuri, while the different conversations swirled around them, before glancing at him. He kept his gaze lowered, looking at a spot on the floor about 10 feet ahead of him. Shuri leaned over slightly so she could see his face.

"I have some wireless electrodes," she started. "They are non-invasive but will monitor your brain activity and give us an indication when you are in contact with Sergeant Barnes. From those readings I may be able to find a way to use your connection to communicate with him, but I won't know for sure until I see the readings. May I attach them to your scalp? You can still shower with them on and go about whatever you wish to do."

"Yes," he replied, then he swallowed and spoke without looking at either of them. "I am unsure about the wisdom of keeping me in my own quarters. My experience in living on my own is limited. I know nothing about cooking or caring for myself."

"We can have you placed next door to us or even to pair you with someone," said Noelle, carefully. "In the meeting I had with Shuri after your examination, she thought it was safe to allow you access to Winnie. It may help you to deal with any anxiety you might have over her safety, and she wants to see you as well. I am alright with you joining us for meals, as long as you respect the limitations I already expressed to you about any relationship between us."

"That is acceptable," he replied, then added a final sentiment, having witnessed it already with the medical staff. "Thank you."

"I'll ask someone to show you around the compound, so you can see where everything is. Bucky worked out every day, and I'm sure you want to keep your own abilities sharp. There is a training room and gun range, and other areas that I don't have access to but perhaps Sam, or someone else will take you. Excuse me."

She got up and quickly walked out the door wiping her eyes, leaving Winter behind. He looked up as she left, following her with his eyes until she was out of sight. Shuri and Ayo watched him.

"Is she alright?" he asked. "She seemed distressed."

"She is distressed," said Shuri. "It's only been a day since you woke up in Bucky's place and I confirmed that his brain pattern is no longer in this brain. She's afraid for him. Her pregnancy is probably dumping hormones into her system that makes her more emotional. It's nothing against you, just the circumstances. How do you feel about all of this?"

"It is strange," he admitted. "Much of what I observed was through Barnes, and if it became too much I withdrew more. It is almost impossible to do that now unless I close the door of my room and even then I find my mind is sometimes unable to cease fixating on the issue. I find myself unsure of how to react at times when others show strong emotions. When I express myself strongly, I sense their fear of me, but I am not the Soldier I used to be. I would not harm them for there is no reason for it." He looked at the door where Noelle left. "I am physically attracted to her but have promised to respect her relationship with Barnes. Perhaps, I should stay with someone, sharing the space so I can observe and learn how to function independently."

"That might be the better option," said Shuri, cautiously. "Please return to your room while I make inquiries. Do you know how to return to the medical centre?"

He nodded and stood up, then walked to the door of the briefing room, taking a deep breath, then stepping through to the hallway. The two women could hear him ask Friday to direct him back to the medical centre and he left. Ayo gave out a loaded sigh.

"Was that wise?" she asked, in Wakandan. "Are you so sure of his cooperation?"

"Yes, I am," replied the young scientist. "He is in uncharted waters, steering his ship by himself for the first time in his life." Ayo gave her a slightly incredulous look. "I'll try not to use sailing metaphors again. He is eager to prove himself, but he knows his past colours people's perceptions of him. When he manifested during Barnes' captivity, he recognized the damage being done to Barnes psyche, which indicates empathy. Then he chose to take on the task of assassin, in an attempt to protect Barnes as much as he could. That shows sympathy and a degree of protectiveness that he has already displayed to his family and the Avengers. He is not shying away from expressing himself, or from attempting new things, so that shows a willingness to learn. It is a testament to his resilience and I'm willing to help him become a better man."

"I hope it doesn't come back to haunt you," stated Ayo, still dubious about allowing Winter to wander freely.

She received a slight scowl for her comment but deferred to Shuri's expertise in the matter of Bucky Barnes' brain.

An hour later, Winter was visited by Peter Parker in his room in the medical centre. The young Avenger stood in the doorway and knocked quietly.

"Hi, I'm Peter, but you know that," he said, nervously. "Princess Shuri thought it might help if you lived with someone while you got used to being on your own. I agreed that you could stay with me. They'll move us to a two-bedroom suite closer to Bucky's ... the Barnes' quarters, as Noelle is okay with you seeing Winnie." He ran his hand through his hair. "I thought you could choose which bedroom you wanted as maybe you like to see the sun rise in the morning, or something ...."

His voice trailed off as he stood there, waiting to see if Winter accepted his offer. The dark-haired man was packing the shoulder bag that Thor brought him that morning in preparation for the next day's move, as it contained all that he had.

"Thank you, Peter," he said, solemnly. "Your injuries are healed?"

"I'm still off duty for a couple of days but I'll be alright," replied the younger man. "I can take you to the apartment that's been assigned, then I can show you around the compound. You don't have access to the armoury yet, although Fury said you can train under supervision. They're still not sure if they want you to have access to weapons yet, you know, for security reasons."

"It is a wise decision," said Winter. He gestured for Peter to lead him.

As they entered the elevator, Friday greeted them, informing Winter where his quarters were. On the correct floor, the doors opened, and Peter explained who lived in what suite. Then they came to the door of their shared accommodation, and he placed his palm on the reader so that Friday identified him. The AI asked for Winter's palm, and he obeyed, placing his palm on the screen. The door clicked open, and he entered behind Peter. It was sparsely furnished, with a couch, armchair, table and chairs, television, and wall console.

"They're going to bring my things over in the morning so it will get filled up a bit more," said Peter. "If you want anything to make it seem more personal, Friday can order it for you. You just have to ask."

"What more do I need?" asked Winter, puzzled. "It is adequate as it is."

"Well, like, Bucky read a lot, so he had books, and he had a tablet because he doesn't like the mouse on a laptop, stuff like that." Peter shrugged. "Come and choose which bedroom you want."

They walked down a short hallway and Peter opened the door to each bedroom, stepping inside and showing the layout, which was almost the same, except one bedroom faced east and the other faced south. Both rooms had a queen-sized bed, a double dresser, and a closet system, as well as their own private bathroom.

"I would like to see the sunrise," said Winter. "I saw it this morning and liked how it made me feel."

"Sure, then you want this room," answered Peter, cordially. "Friday, please assign this bedroom to Winter while I'll take the other one."

"May I have a tablet computer?" asked Winter, tentatively. Peter grinned and pointed up, then mouthed the words "ask her." He nodded his understanding, repeating the request. "Friday, may I have a tablet computer?"

"Yes, that will be arranged, with delivery to your hospital room by this evening," said the pleasant-voiced AI. "If you require a harder mattress that is more to your liking, we can have that set up as well, with delivery tomorrow."

A ghost of a smile crossed his face and he looked at Peter to explain. "I slept on the floor last night as the hospital mattress was too soft. I would like a harder mattress, Friday." He hesitated. "Please."

Peter showed him the kitchen, explaining that his food would be transferred over, but they could order whatever they wanted from Friday, and it would be delivered then stocked in the cupboards and fridge. For now, Winter could eat what Peter ordered as he began to work out what he liked. Or they could eat in the communal kitchen where the others often made meals with enough for everyone. With all of that taken care of they stepped outside the suite so that Peter could give him the grand tour. They only went about ten feet when the elevator dinged and the doors opened to show Noelle, holding Winnie's hand.

"Papa!" Winnie pulled herself away from Noelle and ran towards Winter, her arms outstretched.

Instinctively, he kneeled down to her level, bracing himself for her to reach him. As her arms circled around his neck, he felt that feeling again in his chest. It was frightening at first, and he stiffened, making Winnie pull away and look at him, confused.

"Papa, you don't 'member?" Her blue eyes welled up with tears.

"I remember you a little," he whispered, "but I don't remember myself." He gazed at her face, feeling his own eyes well up at her tears. Gently, he wiped hers away. "Winnie, you have to call me Winter until I remember. Okay?"

She sniffed and nodded. "Can I call you Papa Winter?"

He looked up at Noelle, his eyes pleading, and she nodded, making him smile in a way that almost tore her heart apart.

"I would like that," he replied, gazing at her in fondness. "Your papa is such a lucky father to have your love. I'm happy to be your friend."

She hugged him and this time he encircled her with his own arms, closing his eyes during the embrace. Peter looked nervously at Noelle, neither of them expecting this much of a show of emotion from the man, whose very nature had been cold-hearted and mostly emotionless when he was the Fist of HYDRA. It was obvious he retained Bucky's emotions about the little girl.

"Well," said Noelle, "I think Winnie and I should get to our place. You'll both come for dinner with us, won't you? Winter, you can borrow Bucky's clothing until you can acquire your own. Winnie, you have to let Winter go now. Peter is showing him the compound so that he knows where everything is."

"Okay," she said, then she looked at Winter again. "Did you get my card?"

"I did," he smiled tentatively. "It was beautiful."

She smiled sweetly then took her mother's hand. "I'll make you another," she said. "Bye Peter. I'm glad you're better. Bye Papa Winter. See you at dinner."

He stood up, returning her wave, then watched as they walked down the hallway to their quarters. When they were finally inside, he stood motionless for several long moments, then breathed audibly. Peter acknowledged him with a slight grin, and they continued on their way to the other parts of the compound.

In his office, Nick Fury turned off the monitor that showed him that brief exchange.

"You're sure that all of your projections have shown that he isn't a danger to us?" he asked, looking at Dr. Strange who had watched the scene with him.

"I'm sure," he replied. "He's not the Winter Soldier anymore. Even being in the background of Bucky's mind has changed him, permanently. He has the same issue that Barnes still displays on occasion, mainly believing in the basic goodness in himself. Winnie brings it out of him. He loves her and he loves Noelle but won't act on it with her, because he does have a definite moral code, almost as strong as Barnes."

"I just worry that we're letting the genie out of the bottle," said Fury. "How do we get him back in when we get Barnes back?"

"We might not have to," answered the enigmatic sorcerer. "Those projections are a little less clear but there may be a solution, if we can find a way to communicate with the shadow universe."

"Alright," said the Avengers director. "We let him live like an Avenger, with restrictions to start with."

He sat back, hoping he was making the right decision. Letting Winter live as an Avenger might extend to giving him access to weapons and allowing him on missions. Certainly, his abilities would be useful, even needed. But he was still an unknown entity and while Winnie Barnes accepted him at face value, Nick Fury wasn't sure he did.

Chapter 8>>

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[mehmetminded]

I’m gonna ramble about Beware of Chicken for a sec. Kay? Kay.

I’m gonna start putting these under a read more since they get kinda long.

In its first book Beware of Chicken asks a simple question. “What if there were no consequences? What if you could fight off the guards? Fight off the army? What if no one could stop you as you did whatever you wanted?”

It’s a question our main man Jin struggles with in that first book. Jin’s answer is more or less “just don’t be a giant dick”, but BoC itself gives a different answer.

The question is flawed. There are always consequences.

Most cultivators spend their whole lives wrapped up in their own petty struggles for immortality. They break and steal and kill, not because they’re necessarily evil, but because to them these actions don’t have consequences. Even Xioulan, ostensibly one of the goodest people in the setting, behaves like this at first. Before she recognizes his strength she briefly considers killing Jin as an “impudent mortal”. Sure she decides not to, but it’s not because killing mortals for being rude is wrong. It’s because this specific mortal has done her a great service and it would be shameful to kill him now.

We can’t put too much blame on her though. She’s a product of her environment. When she is recovering from her PTSD she’s basically told to “get over it” by her sect and even her father. It’s expected that she detach herself from these feelings as other cultivators have. They reiterate to her that “one faces the heavens alone.”

I don’t know about you, but to me that sounds like a great way to avoid thinking about how many people your actions have hurt and killed.

While he doesn’t use the word “consequences” Jin explains in no uncertain terms that every action we take effects other things. He tells Xioluan that everything is connected. The task a person must undertake isn’t deciding how to act when there are no consequences. Rather, it’s coming to the realization that every action has consequences.

Interestingly, this is similar to how children develop empathy. When they are young children have a hard time separating their own thoughts, needs, and experiences from those of others. As we grow we learn that other people are different from us and want or need different things.

The reason people keep assuming Jin is older than he is, is because he actually acts like an adult. Jin’s solution of “don’t be a giant dick” only works for him because he’s already an empathetic person. He considers the needs and feelings of others and works to help them. Not to get something out of them or to make himself feel good. He does it because he’s a grown ass man who knows actions have consequences.

Children throw tantrums and break things when they don’t get their way. They have strong emotions that they don’t know how to handle and don’t know where they come from. They need to be taught that their actions have consequences.

When he steps in at The Dueling Peaks at the end of the third book, Jin goes from Fa Ram’s dad to the dad of every young cultivator in the Azure Hills. He steps in where their actual parents didn’t and teaches them the lesson the rest of the world wasn’t strong enough to.

When your actions result in someone getting hurt it’s your responsibility to make things right again. There are other lessons to be learned and more growing to be done, but this lays the foundations for real empathy.

“If you break something, fix it.”