#she didn't 'understand' finland

[stateofgraceanddreaming]

not my mother texting me that she thinks her and dad are getting too old for eurovision😭😭😭

[topsyturvy-turtely]

i've decided that i just don't understand any part of ESC

[auspicioustidings]

Based on this. You are in Finland full of self-loathing and the 141 needs a fat wife if they want to win some beer.

You aren't exactly on holiday in Finland. It should be your honeymoon but since you caught your groom balls deep in your maid of honour you instead have used it as an escape from the country. You just cannot be around the people you love right now, can't have them all look at you with all that pity. Even worse is that some of them probably don't even blame him. Your former best friend is a size 8, perfect hourglass figure. Your former partner is trim and decently fit. They look like they belong together more than you and him ever did.

You hate yourself. You hate looking in the mirror. You hate how clothes fit you. You deserved it you think.

"Not a chance MacTavish, that's my wife!"

"Away and biel yer heid, I saw her first!"

"Actually I saw her first!"

"I outrank all of you muppets so I think you'll find that is my wife!"

It's a racket in the little cafe but you don't pay much mind, still just staring out the window and wondering if you could ever deserve anything. One of the servers comes to take your empty cup and grins at you, telling you in her heavy accent that she would personally go for the one with the mask since he's the biggest. You don't understand when you look around and there are a lot of locals smiling happily over at you while four Greek Gods of men are having a scuffle, moving slowly in your direction. More people chip in, arguing about who you should pick, some lamenting that they would claim you themselves if they thought they could.

One big man does try, basically some Viking God, but he's playfully (you hope it's playful) spear tackled by the man with the mohawk before he laughs and backs off.

When Gaz with warmed cheeks and excitement in his eyes gets to you while Soap is busy with the viking and Ghost and Price are wrestling one another he asks if you'd do him the honour of being his wife. You nearly choke, but he explains that the wife carrying competition is today. You look around, bewildered, ask him why he wouldn't pick any of the other women in here given that they are all gorgeous slim things.

"Fuck all use to us, need a nice soft bird with lots of fat" says the man in the mask.

Price scowls and whacks his lieutenant upside the head because he sees how you look a second away from crying.

"You're gorgeous sweetheart, he didn't mean anything by it. The prize is the wife's weight in beer though, so he's right about a little lady not being much use."

You don't know what to say. You don't know if this is mortifying or not given that everyone around you seems to not be looking at you with sneers or laughing at you, but instead looking with soft smiles that convey fondness. They think this is adorable.

"Dinnae listen tae their nice soft birds and sweethearts! I'll be a better husband bonnie. I'm shorter aye bit look at the power in these legs, naw going tae drop ye. And I'll split that beer 50/50!"

And then they're arguing. The four of them are arguing and trying to put forward a case to you about why they would be the best husband. When it starts to get raunchy, you fluster and stop them. But fluster is something. It's not self loathing. It's been weeks since you felt anything but self loathing. So even though you are sure everyone can feel the heat rolling off of you in waves at how bashful you are under so much attention from such attractive men, you pick one (the others are devastated but vow that you're only a wife for the competition, that after they should get another shot at convincing you that they're the best option).

And they do. Even though the man you picked doesn't win (gets DQ'd actually since you are heavy and he decided that you were getting over that damn finish line so the four of them took turns) they take you out for drinks after. You think you feel humiliated that they couldn't carry you a long distance, but you don't have time to sit with the feeling because they drown it out with how warm and giddy they make you feel.

They insist that they will compete next year, so you have 365 days to pick a husband. When you make a quiet comment about how you'll lose weight by then so they can carry you the whole way, they nearly riot as they assure you that they would be a shit pick for husband if they didn't spent the year getting stronger so they can carry you just how you are. Plus they'll not be losing any beer thank you very much.

By the time the next wife carrying competition rolls around you are a different person. You're wearing clothes that fit instead of trying to hide your body. You laugh and flirt back with the barista instead of assuming they are making fun of you by flirting. And you don't care if your husband makes it over the finish line, just that you have fun and laugh and joke about the attempt. Of course it's not entirely certain who that husband is yet, got to keep them on their toes after all.

[homunculus-argument]

hey there! this sounds like a bit of a silly question, but as a trans guy, you’re one of the few trans people i’ve been following almost since i joined tumblr, so based on your other anon ask and answer i figured i’d pop in and ask if you have any advice? if you want to answer, ofc :) — i foresee this being a bit long, so i totally get if not

so i’m also a trans guy, but i haven’t been able to take any steps toward medical transitioning before since i live with my parents. but i’ll move out soon, and i still can’t decide if i should take any of these steps even once i do. i’ve never felt like i particularly wanted to medically transition (i don’t really care about how my body looks + i’ve never really cared about changing any of it), but i would like to be seen a guy — i don’t mind if not so by strangers, but maybe so by like, my friends. but i can’t help but feel like i’d be laughed at for wanting that — i’m not naturally androgynous or masculine looking to others and i have never been mistaken for a guy, because i have really long hair, d cups, and curves. and without medically transitioning, i also kinda feel like i’m… betraying the trans community, since i’m not really putting the effort into my transition and so i’m just ‘pretending’, even though i do know i’m not.

so my question would be: as a trans person who has transitioned, socially and medically, do you think people are more understanding than i think they are currently? do you know of any trans people who don’t want to medically transition, and do you think it’s possible to live fulfilled that way? or even: do you think it would be easier for someone like me to just live a lie? i usually tell people i’m a lesbian, because they definitely would not look at me and assume ‘straight guy’, but also, as a trans person who doesn’t want to medically transition, i’m just always worried that i won’t be taken seriously. i feel like your experience of being trans and probably interacting with the community is much more than mine, which is why i ask this last one — i would try being open myself, but again, i’m still living with my parents unfortunately.

I'll be honest I don't actually really know much "community" save for former art school classmates. I've only known one trans person irl who chose not to medically transition - at the time, Finland's trans law was still shitty and required sterilisation for legal sex change, and all that. She didn't want kids or anything, but refused to engage in the process as her own little personal civilian protest. I don't want to paint some caricature picture of some Sharp Dommy Tall Scary Goth Trans Anarchist, but I was deeply impressed by the way she didn't do a single thing to try to seem smaller, softer, or in any way submissive or docile to be ~feminine~ the right, socially accepted way.

She wasn't just taller than most men but usually the tallest person in the room, and she stood out in a crowd of cis women like a crane in a chicken coop - a bird just as much as they are, but a different kind of bird. And I remember thinking that I could never do that, being so unflinching and unhesitant about standing out in the crowd because assimilating and muting yourself is beneath your dignity.

Honestly, I don't know what to tell you about being openly trans without transitioning medically, save for that it takes more guts than being able to just go stealth. I had physical dysphoria about the way my body was, and was desperate to get top surgery just for the sake of my own physical comfort, and I like the convenient anonymity of being able to just be Just Some Guy who doesn't attract anyone's interest or curiosity.

It's a smart move to not come out to your parents before you're out of their house and not relying on them for anything - this is something everyone should use their own judgement for, but I stress it to every queer kid to not take the risk if there's any chance that they'll react poorly while they still have power over you. But living your whole life in the closet - "living a lie" is a good way to put it - will corrode you from the inside.

It's better to live in peace with yourself and against the world, than in peace with the world against yourself. There is absolutely nothing in your power that you could do to change the minds of people who have already decided that they don't respect you, and if they try telling you that they would, if you only met their approved criteria, they are lying. That's bait they're dangling in front of you, and there's no "earning" the respect of such people.

Stay true to yourself and be good to people, and you'll have the respect of people who are capable of respecting you. Don't waste your time and energy on people who won't respect you, every thought and effort you spare them is wasted on them.

[hollowbutcanlove]

The language of the flowers Pt. 2

warning: the hard moment with the Cypher.

Sova - rose red (bud) - confusion; "I think I've fallen in love with you," "I'm glad we met," "Every day my feelings for you grow stronger."

On the spacious streets of St. Petersburg, you and Sova decided to spend your little vacation. After visiting many memorable places, you decided that it was time for a little rest on one of the shores of the Gulf of Finland. He left you alone for a while, saying he needed to get something to eat.

The cool breeze ruffled your hair, making you wrap yourself tighter in your sweater. Growing up in a warm climate, you weren't used to the fickle weather of Sova's homeland. Suddenly, something that isn't a human hand touches your head, causing you to throw it back. You see a bunch of red buds that cover almost everything above you. The bouquet moves back a little and you see Sova's satisfied face.

"These are for you. In Russia, it's considered that giving fancy bouquets to your beloved is the basis of a strong relationship." He chuckles. "In fact, some men give a single rose in cellophane, which our women consider an insult."

"Then it could be considered a very very big compliment." You run your finger over the scarlet petals. "How many are there, anyway?"

"One hundred and one roses."

"One hundred and one?" - you take the bouquet into your hands admiringly, then give a light kiss on Sova's cheek. He sits down next to you.

"You deserve all the flowers in the world, but it remains to be seen - which ones specifically should you give? Peonies, perhaps? Or lilies?"

"Any flowers from you would be my favorite."

Cypher - yellow carnation - rejection; "You're avoiding me"; "You've disappointed me"

It was hard to tell when your communication with Cypher had gotten to the point where it was hard to tell if you were friends or lovers. It was even harder for you to understand why he was pulling away and running away, like a kitten who'd tried to confide in people but had gotten scared again and fled into the darkness of the street. He was either not in his office or the door was locked. He didn't answer messages or calls. But you knew he was watching you. Every move you made. But what was he feeling in that moment, doing all those things? You didn't know.

"Cypher, why don't you open up finally? I know you're in there." - You've been trying for the second week to get through to the masked man who's been so diligently avoiding you. "Please, we need to talk."

There was only silence in response.

"Shit... "You slump down next to the door, hugging your knees. "You should know how disappointing you're making me feel right now. I thought there was something between us...Or at least there was. And you're doing this..."

"You didn't know he had a wife and child?" the sudden voice of Viper shakes you out of your trance.

"A wife and child...?" you look at the woman, who at that moment was looking at you with a kind of sympathy, with incomprehension.

"Don't kid yourself, girl. He's still pining for them, and you...you just got caught up in the moment. Forget it and move on." She wanted to support you in some way, but it didn't come out well.

You swallowed the lump in your throat, tears starting to well up in your eyes. Just a substitute? An attempt to dull the pain of longing?

"Argh... Come on, I'll give you a job to distract you."

Gekko - anemone - sincerity, hope, joy, emotionality; parting, fragility; "Why not?", "I feel really good with you", "Let's have a party?"

The beautiful scenery opens up from the Venice rising in the air, where one of the training grounds is located. You and Gekko watch the sunset while the other agents finish their training. The green-haired guy's creatures were snoring somewhere nearby, exhausted from the training.

"Hey, guess what?"

"What?"

"What if I offer you to be my girlfriend? Would you say yes?"

"Why not?"

"So you'd say yes?"

"Yes."

"Say it again."

"Yes, I agree, Gekko."

A bright smile appeared on the guy's face before he gently took your hand, brought it to his lips and kissed it. You giggled and tilted your head to the side. Such small and happy moments were rare in the hard life of a protocol agent, but nevertheless you tried to cherish them and live them as long as possible.

[glorysalazar]

No Duolingo, no problem

Jere Pöyhönen / Käärijä x Fem! Reader

Summary: You moved to Finland a few weeks ago and can't seem to feel at home: you're starting at a new job, you don't understand the language, you're kind of going through a break up... One tired and cold evening you head into the first bar you can find and briefly meet a cute guy you can't stop thinking about for the next few weeks. You try to forget about him, but when you go back to the same bar for some random gig your coworkers have invited you to go to, you find him again. [This takes place way before Eurovision]

Word count: 5.9k

Warnings: English isn't my first language and I got a little lazy mid writing. Also they smoke a vape oops (seriously now don't do it it's shit for your health). Maybe smut implications at the end?

A/N: I didn't know what to name this lmao. I cannot believe I wrote fanficiton for the first time in YEARS because I fell in love with a Finnish guy after watching Eurovision. Anyway, I noticed an enormous shortage of Jere fics and decided to risk my final exams to serve the people. I hope it's worth it! Also apologies if the Finnish translation is shit I used a random website for it lol

Glossary:

"Anteeksi, pudotit takkisi" -> "Sorry, you dropped your coat"

"Jere, istuimme takapöydässä" -> "Jere, we are sitting at the back table"

"Olen tulossa" -> "I'm on my way"

"Hetkinen, kiitos!" -> "One moment, please!"

"Jere, sinun vuorosi on kymmenen minuutin kuluttua" -> "Jere, you're on in ten minutes"

"Minä menen nyt" -> "Coming"

"Hei kaikille, miten meillä menee tänään?" -> "Hi everyone, how are we doing today?"

"Kiitos, Mikko, arvostan sitä todella" -> "Thank you, Mikko, I really appreciate it"

"Miten uskallat tulla tänne?" -> "How dare she come here?"

"Meidän on hyödynnettävä sitä" -> "We'll have to make use of it"

"Mikä on sana?" -> "What's the word?"

...

It was cold. Hell, it was colder than she could have ever imagined before coming here. Sure, she had checked the country's temperatures before moving, researched online about what to expect for someone who was used to easy winters, had bought the fuzzy-fur-on-the-inside-boots and the heavy jacket and all that was recommended to face the never-ending snowing. But still, it somehow hadn't been enough.

A job offer and the need to find some new purpose to latch onto had led (Y/N) here. Now three weeks in, with no friends and hardly a place to call her home had helped regret start to settle in. So many things felt out of her control: the way her colleagues seemed to think she was a mess, the cashiers at the supermarket sighing because she still didn't understand the language, everyone from her hometown rolling their eyes when she announced she was leaving in a way that meant you're not gonna make it.

Yet being thrown outside her comfort zone, and being forced to move on however she could manage, made her feel at least some kind of thrive. Which was far more than she had back home.

As she walked down the street for some place to find shelter in, hands shaking and breaths almost uneven, a neon sign caught her attention. Even though she couldn't figure out the name, it looked like a pretty okay bar. She didn't need much convincing anyway; anything would do to get out of this freezing gale. She made her way in.

The warmth was a instant relief. Stripping down from the many layers of upper clothes, she took a quick glance to check the place out. Not many people, which was fair for a Wednesday evening. There was low music playing, mild chatter and a bunch of people sitting alone in the stools, which was a relief. At least she wouldn't be the only one.

As she ordered a beer (one of the few phrases she had made sure to master) she felt her hands come alive again. The beverage came along and she took a long, much anticipated sip. It tasted significantly different from the brands she was used to, but it was just fine. Alcohol is alcohol.

Finally feeling at ease, she took her phone out and started mindlessly scrolling through social media to kill some time. It was still early in the evening since she had just gotten out from work. An extra challenging day is what had led her to wander outside for a bit instead of heading back to the dull apartment she hadn't even been able to decorate yet. Going home right after would've led her to start overthinking if this job was even right for her, if she had gone crazy by moving hundreds of kilometres away from what she's always known, if her ex-girlfriend had been right when she accused her of being too impulsive, if it would be such a bad thing to give it up already and leave—

"Anteeksi, pudotit takkisi", she heard a voice say behind her.

When she turned around to give her "sorry I still don't speak Finnish" speech, she was met with a blue-eyed, dark-haired, funky but sweet looking guy holding her jacket, which she now understood had fallen to the floor. It caught her by surprise that she somehow forgot how to speak for a brief moment.

"Oh! Thank you, I hadn't noticed it was on the floor" she ended up answering, taking the jacket back as the man handed it to her with a confused look in his eyes. "Sorry, I'm not from here. I don't speak Finnish yet" she added with a small chuckle.

"No, don't worry, Finnish, uh- hard language to learn" he answered through an amusing smile, with a thick accent and a clear struggle to speak English.

She half laughed at his answer. Until now, people hadn't been so kind about the language-barrier impediment. "Yes, it is a little bit", she followed, now taking in his appearance.

Painted nails. Double nose piercings. Earrings. Facial hair. A bowl cut? Interesting choice, but it suited him surprisingly well. Her brain decided through that brief examination: he was cute. Attractively cute.

"You can try Duolingo. I use for my English, but don't work very very well" the man said the second part more as a correction to himself, making both of them laugh from the random half advice. He tried to fix it: "Maybe for you works better".

"Maybe. I'll check it out. Thank you again" her response was going to be followed by an invitation for him to sit down with her, as she felt a sudden wave of boldness: I need to make some friends in this town or else I'll go crazy. But a group of three other guys that had come in after him caught her stranger's attention.

"Jere, istuimme takapöydässä", one of them said to him, while walking to a table at the back corner of the bar.

"Olen tulossa" he turned around to answer, then looked at her once more, "I go now with my friends. Enjoy your beer" he smiled and small-waved goodbye, as she copied his gesture. "Enjoy your evening".

That small interaction was enough for her to spend the next half hour looking up from her phone, which she had retreated to, to glance at him from time to time. His group of friends and him seemed to be having a good time, and she enjoyed the view of him. He looked like a very interesting person, too, and if she was being honest, she hadn't been struck by someone new in quite some time. Not by her neighbors, not by the people she was starting to coincide with at the grocery shop, not even by her co-workers.

She noticed him looking at her from time to time as well.

When her glass was empty and just as the clock on her phone struck seven, she got up and got prepared to face the freezing wind once again. At least it wasn't that long of a walk to her place.

She lingered for a moment before exiting the bar, then finally did so while warning herself not to get too caught up on the nice stranger she suddenly felt she was leaving behind. It was just a one minute interaction. You probably won't see him again. Quit this teenager act. Focus on the important tasks ahead of you.

It was already pitch black outside, snow accumulated on the sidewalks, the air was even colder than before.

Excitement started to bubble up in the pit of her stomach.

...

Two weeks had gone by and although she had been meaning to return to the bar, she just hadn't find the time to do so. Once the job's training period ended, the hectic rythm started. In her free time, when she wasn't taking care of the house or just resting, she was trying to find some language academy where she could actually properly learn Finnish. Cute guy had been right: Duolingo just didn't do the trick.

She had hoped he would appear around the neighborhood, that maybe he lived nearby. But there had been no luck. It was fine, though. She knew she would let go of it rather quickly at that point, it's not like she had been thinking about his addictive smile or pretty eyes or soft-looking hands. Not at all.

It was Friday, and some acquaintances from work she had managed to pull off had invited her to a small gig. She didn't even remember the musician's name nor did she know where it was going to be, but nevertheless she was happy to go and actually get to have some fun with other people. Who knows, cute guy might even be there.

She didn't even realize they were headed to the bar until they were right in front of it. Inside, a small stage platform had been set up and tables and chairs had been removed to make space for the audience. It wasn't very spacey anyway, the place could hold about a hundred people squeezed together tops.

"Huh, hadn't even thought of this place as a venue" she let her thoughts trail out loud.

"Have you been here before?" her coworker Aubrey, who she had slightly bonded with because she was also a foreigner, asked her. "Only once" the girl explained, already searching for a certain someone's face in the crowd. "So, who have you brought me to see tonight?" she asked, in the hopes of at least getting some conversation non-work related flowing. "I don't really know, coming here was Mikko's idea. He's always trying to get us into these weird small rap-rock Finnish bands, and listen, I've lived here for over a year now and I still don't really get the hype" Aubrey explained making both of them laugh "But it always ends up being fun when we go out" she added.

The rest of the group had moved forward to get a good spot near the humble stage, as Mikko babbled on and on about nonsense the two women couldn't figure out from the distance. "Hey, I'm going to the bathroom real quick. Mind saving me a place?" (Y/N) asked her colleague, who answered affirmatively.

She made her way through the crowd in between "excuse me's" and "sorry's" but got there with quite ease. One of the two toilet doors had a sign that read "Out of order", so she knocked on the one that was left to check if anyone was inside. A voice that sounded vaguely familiar came from the other side: "Hetkinen, kiitos!"

Nervousness suddenly struck her. Is this who I think it is?

When the door opened there was no doubt. Cute stranger was standing in front of her.

"Oh! Hello" he blurted out just as he saw her, sounding surprised. Today he was wearing eye makeup and bottom eyeliner, which suited him very, very well. He has such a pretty face.

She realized now she had not been able to get over this guy in the two weeks of not seeing him, even though she didn't even know his name.

"Hi" was all she could manage to say. She had been looking for him when she entered the bar but she was convinced he was not actually going to be there, "It's good to see you!" she added, as a way of avoiding an awkward silence.

"You as well. You, uh, you come to... concert?" he inquired, struggling to find the last word while pointing towards the direction where the stage was to make sure he was being understood.

She noticed he was wearing an all yellow outfit that consisted of corduroy pants and a button up. He looks good in it.

"Yes, some work friends brought me here. But if I'm being honest I don't even know who's playing" she confessed, slightly covering her mouth with one of her hands to joke around, as if she had spilled a dark secret. Stranger burst out laughing. His laugh was cute. "Do you know if he's good? I wanna know if I'll be wasting my time or not" she asked him, pretending to be a diva to keep his laugh going.

He had his arms crossed and his tongue between his teeth as he slightly giggled. "No, I think he's pretty ok. I think you will like, even if no understand" his answer was playful and accompanied with another small laugh. She continued joking around, this time putting her hands up in pretend self defense "Hey, I'll try my best. Maybe using Duolingo for two days actually did something" she shot back, realizing after saying those words that she had just told Mr. Stranger she had followed his advice.

He narrowed his eyes and tilted his head playfully "You did what I say to you" he stated. "Yes, but you were right. It's not really helpful. Now I just keep getting emails from the goddamn owl and feel scared that he's going to find me and kill me for not going back to the app" she explained exaggeratedly, which made their giggles grow bigger and even he bent his knees with laughter.

Their little chit-chatting was cut when a man who looked like he had been searching for someone stopped in his tracks at the beginning of the bathroom hall and shouted at them: "Jere, sinun vuorosi on kymmenen minuutin kuluttua". She turned around to look at the source of the voice and then back at stranger when he answered "Minä menen nyt". She wished she knew what they were saying, but she assumed it had just been his friend telling him to hurry up. Also, was Jere his name? She had heard it two times already.

"Someone's always calling out for you", she commented when they were left alone again. "It's because me popular, yes yes" he joked, putting a hand to his chest and shrugging. "Listen, I go now. Concert starting soon" he explained, pointing out to the stage's direction once again "I see you there?" he asked, eyebrows raised as he put a hand to her shoulder, looking into her eyes. His blue ones had her mind going blank for a moment. That seemed to happen a lot when he was around. "Uh- yeah, sure, see you there". He smiled again then moved past her to return to the hall. She stared at him leave as she opened the door to the bathroom and finally went inside, smiling to herself and biting her bottom lip.

She hurried back once she was finished not only in fear of missing out the start of the concert, but more so in fear of not finding him again. Aubrey raised her hand to catch her attention and she followed the lead back to the group. The place was packed, it was hot, and there was a lot of chatter going on.

"What took you so long?", Aubrey asked as she got to her side, just in front of the stage, "They're about to start". (Y/N) was standing on her tiptoes and turning her head in all directions. She had just talked to him and the bar was not that big: where the hell had he hid himself?

"There was a long line to the bathroom..." she started off distantly, then turned to face Aubrey "Hey, this is going to sound weird, but have you seen-" just when she was going to make the question, she noticed some people walking up to the stage and everyone started cheering.

As she looked up, she couldn't have been more dumbfounded.

It was him. Mr Stranger was the one performing tonight.

"Hei kaikille, miten meillä menee tänään?" he shouted out to the public, (Y/N) assumed as a way of greeting everyone. He took no time noticing she was right there, which made him grin even wider. "I see we have international people tonight. Good" he said while looking directly at her. She felt her coworkers eyes on her.

"Do you know him?" Aubrey whispered-shouted to her, "I- uh, no, yes? Briefly" she responded back as he continued on in Finnish. She remembered the question she had made him earlier and mentally facepalmed. This cheeky dude. Lying to her face just so he could later get her reaction.

Since there was no way of understanding what he said, she concentrated on what she could see. Two men behind him wearing pink shirts and shorts and sunglasses. A DJ table, no instruments. There was a sign hanging from the wall that read "Käärijä". Was that his artistic name? She was very intrigued by everything going on and wondered what genre he was going to play.

She had no idea what was coming.

As soon as he stopped talking and the music started playing, his demeanor changed. His stare became fiercer, his movements provocative and unleashed. He walked around the stage like he owned it, stared at the audience like he knew they would do whatever he asked them. Every beat before he started singing rumbled inside her, made her hold her breath in anticipation. She let it out once the words started to fall from his mouth.

The lyrics could have been shit for all she knew. His deep voice, the exotic pronunciation, the hard rapping from the boy who had seemed so sweet and wholesome but was now showing another side of him, the song's rhythm and tone. She was all in. So in, that her body started swaying to the sound almost like an automatic response, and jumped around alongside everyone else when the music demanded to do so.

"Ok, he's really good" she said to her coworkers as the crowd sung alongside him. "Mikko, you were right, he's really good" she insisted to the boy beside her, who was clearly enjoying himself. "I told you!" he answered amidst chanting, "Jere is my most talented friend". Oh, okay. Mental note taken.

As he performed his songs, (Y/N) couldn't help but admire the dedication Jere put on and the absolute fun he looked like he was having. Also, she realised he was at least kind of known around here, because people were singng alongside him.

The head banging, self touching, slightly undressing and sticking his tongue out only added more to his eclectic movements and gestures that made the show feel like a mix of energetic, passionate and, why deny it, lascivious state. Her eyes were glued to him in a capitative stare, that he would catch from time to time and hold for a few seconds. Then he would turn to his attention somewhere else, but a smirk would make a clear appearance on his face.

Whenever he finished a number, the loud clapping allowed him some time to take a sip of water. The clothes he was wearing and its material soon became unbearable, which lead him to take his shirt off completely. "Sorry, it is hot in here" he stated into the microphone pretending to excuse himself as a joke, as everyone in the room made a fuss about it. He was heavily sweating all over his face, neck and torso.

If she had previously been absorbed by him, at this point it was almost unbearable. She had not expected to see so much exposed flesh, and the pectoral tattoo nearly had her weak on her knees.

For some reason, freehing himself from his clothes somehow made him behave even wilder from then on out. He started getting closer to the front row, some even holding out their arms to interact with him, him receiving the gesture with no issue. The Fin looked so confident in what he was doing, it only made her feel even more attracted to him.

He moved so quickly (Y/N) didn't even have time to process when he positioned himself right in front of her, amidst performing a song, and full on stroked her cheek for a few lasting moments, all the while mainting direct eye contact. It was as if no one else had been around them, as if this instant had been theirs only. She didn't respond to the touch by touching him herself, since she couldn't find the strength to be as bold; but the breath hitching and swallowing saliva right after were a clear sign to Jere that he made her feel things. He would quite probably feel embarrassed about it later, but right now it made him feel close to powerful.

The whole gig ended on a high note, the applause was strong and lasting. (Y/N) clapped her hands so fast they even started hurting a little, and could understand through the noise that Jere was thanking everyone for coming out to see him. As he was about to exit the stage, some music started playing over the speakers as to signal that the performance was over and everyone could retreat to either leave the bar or get a drink and stay there for a longer while. As the people from the front row turned around and waited to have a chance to move, (Y/N) felt a hand on her shoulder.

Jere looked exhausted, but it also seemed like the whole night had riled him up. "You don't leave now?", he meant to ask, but came out more as a plead. She wouldn't even dream of doing so right now. "No, no, I'm staying" she rushed to answer. "Good. Wait for me?" he went on. She could only manage to nod her head yes. He smiled and quickly went "backstage" to freshen up.

"Okay, what the actual hell was that?" Aubrey took no time to pry her, "It did not look like knowing each other briefly". (Y/N) shrugged while putting her hands in the air and half laughing, not knowing how to beat those allegations.

"It's classic Jere. Finds a girl cute and cannot stop himself" Mikko chimed in, while grinning, "Now I understand, you must be the girl he saw a couple of weeks ago over here, right?"

"He's talked about me?" she said, a bit shocked, while Mikko lead the way for the three of them to go grab a drink. "Yes, well, now that I connect the dots, that evening you came here, it was a Wednesday, right? I came too, but it must've been after you left. When I arrived he was commenting it".

Some of the other coworkers were starting to leave, not without commenting the elephant in the room before grabbing the door. "You're gonna be the talk of the office now", Aubrey asserted, making Mikko laugh and (Y/N) grow redder by the minute. "I don't even- we haven't even talked that much, really. But watching him onstage was..." she trailed off, letting out a sigh and grabbing the drink Mikko offered her, thanking him in the process. "Yes, it's his special trait. That magnetism he holds is what's gonna get him places", he agreed.

"Okay, but does this whole act mean that he always does this? Like, does he take advantage of his concerts to mindlessly flirt with random people?" (Y/N) suddenly tried to rationalize the fast track of actions Jere was taking on with her. Sure, she liked him, and she really, really wanted to have some fun. Needed it, even. This bonding moment with Aubrey and Mikko right now, this non-work related, exciting chatter; the going out; as precipitating as it sounds she was starting to feel like she was finally making friends, establishing a life. But she also didn't want to be played around with.

"Ohhh, no, not necessarily" her coworker laughed, calming her down "Käärijä the performer is seductive, provocative, even uncontrollable" he took a sip from his drink, "But Jere the person is another story. Dude wouldn't even hurt a fly, I mean it" he reassured her. He then was about to say something else, but stopped on his tracks when they all noticed the man of the hour and the tow men who had performed with him coming over to them. However, he quickly commented to the girls the following before Jere could hear them: "If anything, he's the one who has been played around with".

Jere approached Mikko first, going in for a hug, which made total sense given the fact that they were friends. (Y/N) appreciated it, because his last comment had caught her by surprise. He had changed into some track pants and graphic loose t-shirt, and over all he already looked far more calmed down and back to his more, to put it some way, innocent self. Aubrey and (Y/N) exchanged a look before introducing themselves to the guys in pink, who had not changed their outfits. Their names were Jaakko and Aleksi.

"Hey, I recognize you. You were all in the bar that day I was here" she said as a realization. "Yes, we were planning tonight" Aleksi answered, "Did you like it?" he added, to both her and Aubrey.

While the four of them engaged in small talk, the girls understood that Mikko was congratulating his friend on his performance and Jere was thanking him, "Kiitos, Mikko, arvostan sitä todella", he said with appreciation on his face, closed smile and big puppy eyes (Y/N) couldn't ignore. With one last ruffle on his hair from Mikko, the two men stayed with one arm over the other's back and turned to the group.

"Alright, let's talk in English now so we can all understand each other..." Mikko started off. "I see you guys have already introduced yourselves, very good. Now let me introduce you girls to Käärijä himself, although maybe a certain someone doesn't need it" he playfully remarked, making Jere look away while hiding his face and (Y/N) roll her eyes. "Jere, these are (Y/N) and Aubrey from work. Aubrey, (Y/N), this is Jere" he played around using a formal tone and letting out of their embrace.

"Nice to meet you" Aubrey answered, shaking hands with him and gently pushing (Y/N) forward once she was done to signal her to do so as well.

"I finally know your name" he commented, making her chuckle, "Yes, I guess you do". Mikko and Aubrey swiftly moved to give them some space, going over to Jaakko and Aleksi, who were all in in the same unspoken plan.

"You like the show?" he seemed a bit nervous as he rested his elbow on the counter and signaled the waiter to get him a drink, while attentively listening to her answer, "Honestly, I'd never been to one quite like this. I mean, I've been to rock concerts and such, but this energy you guys put on stage was totally new for me. I really enjoyed it tho, you're really good" she sincerely said.

"Oh, thank you, really" Jere put a hand to his chest as to show gratitude, "It was first concert after months of not doing", he further explained, "So means a lot all people who come here, yes. I'm so happy for this, I was worried if not work well". He sounded so humble (Y/N) couldn't help but grow to like his personality even more. She was curious to know why he hadn't played in a way, but also didn't want to intrude, so she opted for another response. "Well you should be. We all had a blast".

"You understand anything I sing?" he wondered with a perky smirk, before taking a sip from the beer that had just landed in front of him. "I didn't need to", she let it out without giving it a second thought, almost as if this was the only real answer she could give, which to her felt absolutely true. He was shocked by it and spilled some of the drink out, quickly catching the dripping by covering his mouth with a napkin.

"Ah, I make fool of me now, great!" he tried to cover up by playing down the incident. She couldn't stop laughing out loud, some people even noticing the whole scene between the two of them, specially Mikko and company who laughed as well from a distance, "That's what you get for lying to me before" she joked, but grabbed a napkin as well to clean his shirt up, softly patting it on his chest. "Sorry, I wanted to surprise" he justified. It was in that moment that she noticed they were almost the same height. When her gaze moved upward from the stain she was cleaning up, his stare was way closer than she had thought. He carried on talking.

"Also, before, I hope I not make you... uh-, mikä on sana epämukavalle?" he looked over at Mikko for help regarding a language inquire.

"Uncomfortable"

"Yes, that" Jere said, "I hope I not make you uncom... uncomfortable when I, you know-" he tried to explain himself, struggling with the pronunciation. He stroked his own cheek to interpret what he attempted to say. "Oh! No no, don't worry, it was- it was okay. I liked it, actually", his relief was evident after she assured him. He let out a nervous giggle.

Then, something caught his attention. His gaze had travelled to the door, past (Y/N), and what he saw made his face turn dead serious, although also sad. Mikko, Aleksi and Jaakko very quickly noticed what was happening. Aubrey and (Y/N) also turned around to check it out: a girl was standing by the entrance looking for someone with a worried expression.

"Miten uskallat tulla tänne?" Jaakko expressed angrily. The three men addressed Jere, who suddenly was a loss of words and course of action.

"Ex alert" Aubrey whispered to (Y/N) while sipping from her drink's straw. "They're asking him if he wants to go talk to her" she informed her friend, which (Y/N) was thankful for. It was really tiring to not catch anything on her own sometimes. While the four men were talking to each other, deciding what to do next, (Y/N) grabbed Jere's arm and everyone's attention fell on her. She just couldn't stop strongly empathizing with him because she had also recently been through a break up and knew how shitty it was. Jere seemed more at ease when she talked, "Are you okay? Do you want to get out of here?" he looked past her again, everyone following his direction and realizing his ex was coming over to them. "I do, please", "Then we're getting out of here", (Y/N) decided, "You guys coming?" she asked the rest. "No, you guys go on. We'll make sure she doesn't follow" Mikko stated, thankful for her determination.

They said rushed goodbyes and (Y/N) got ahold of his hand to guide him towards the door. When they walked past her, she tried to talk, but they were quick to get out.

As per usual, it was freezing. They started to wander off to anywhere.

...

"I'm sorry about having to go"

They had found a comfortable spot in a park overlooking the town's river and had settled there. They had walked for a while, him trying to talk about anything else but his ex.

"Don't sweat it. I fully understand" she comforted him, then took the vape he had previously offered to her and took a puff before continuing, "I got broken up with three months ago... I hate to admit it, but it's part of the reason I ended up deciding to move here", she explained. He listened to her attentively, with a stern face.

The night was silent over here. It was only the sound of the stream and their hushed voices

"Can I ask why the break up?" he inquired, not wanting to pry on too much. "Only if I can ask why the break up", she made him chuckle. "Yes, of course" he accepted.

"She said I was too impulsive and that she couldn't trust me to maintain a steady and stable relationship, because I couldn't even do that with my own life" she sighed after her explanation and rolled her eyes.

"Wow" Jere said, disapproving look on his face "Hard thing to say".

"Yes, but honestly, I don't hold a grudge anymore. She had her right to think that way too. I do so too sometimes" she admitted, handing back the electronic cigarette, since they were taking turns to smoke.

"That's shit" he commented, which made them both laugh, "But I understand, too. "My ex, Sofia, that's her name, she uh- said she not approve of music career" his gaze moved upfront, "She said It's either me or music, and I think she not like my answer" Jere let out a half-sad cackle, "This is all I ever wanted to do. I loved her, I feel like I still do a bit, you know? But..." he nodded negatively before finishing the sentence, "I need someone who give support. What I told you before, the not doing concerts? A part of it was because I got, uh, insecure".

Silence fell between them as they both got lost in their own thoughts for a brief moment.

"You know, for someone who claims to not be good at English, you can maintain quite a deep conversation" her words made him belly laugh again. He looked at her and handed the vape once more. "Don't need Duolingo for that" he referenced. He was about to speak again but cut himself. "You can go on, it's fine", his doe-like blue eyes seeped cherishment.

"Oh, I not know, talking about ex was not in my plans when being alone with a girl I like" he made her blush, "I just thinking that, you know, I'm almost... mikä on sana" he struggled again with the language "Thirty year old?" he doubted if he had said it right, and the girl nodded to indicate him he had, "Thirty year old, and when younger I thought Oh, I achieve my dreams at thirty, have the family, all that... You know? And... nothing of that" he described, "My songs, some say that. But you not understand, so..." he added jokingly to lighten the mood, erupting laughter from her.

"Hey, I'm trying really hard to find a place where I can learn Finnish! Give me a break..." she defended herself, while the giggling from both of them died down. "But, just so you know, most of us feel this way too. Having your life figured out at thirty? That only happens to the lucky ones, I can assure you" she saw his tired expression and put a hand to his shoulder, "And by the way, you're crazy talented. We were all mesmerized by your performance. You can get to whatever place you want to be, and if you don't, well... It won't be because of your fault".

They were once again looking in each other's eyes. His gaze travelled down to her mouth. They were sitting close to one another as to avoid the cold wind. Her heart beat faster. How come did she feel like he had known him for such a long time if this was practically their first ever proper conversation? Yet she couldn't fight it. She had seen so many sides of him in such a short amount of time; she swore she'd never been that much of a romantic but the alcohol, mixed with how vulnerable they both felt in that moment and the fact that she was finally feeling at ease after more than a month of such a big change in her life, probably did the trick.

"Can- can I...?" he started nervously, but was interrupted.

"Yes"

Their lips crashed, finally killing the anticipation. Her hands cupped his face and his ones settled on her waist. She felt his long eyelashes touch her face, his beard tickled her jaw and his hoop piercing was cold on her nose. (Y/N) enjoyed feeling all these parts of Jere on her. He truly was so pretty. And suddenly, she wanted to make sure he knew just how pretty he was and how much he deserved to know it. The wave of boldness she had had to ask him to sit down with her those two weeks ago, but had been interrupted, came back as a stronger force.

When they separated to catch their breath, (Y/N) kept his face close to hers. He was panting through a timid smile and hot red burned his cheeks. She noticed her face doing the same thing.

"My apartment is a five minute walk from here" she suggested.

"Meidän on hyödynnettävä sitä" he whispered, hands going up and down her sides, and the Finnish language had never sounded so seductive to her.

"I didn't catch that",

"You don't need to. I will show you".

[flatoutin-eaurouge]

I don't want you to see me cry

Pairing: Mika Häkkinen x Michael Schumacher

"Are you... are you going back already? Are you leaving me here alone?"

Aila Häkkinen stared at her son's tear-stained face and swallowed against the bile rising in her throat. It was as if some invisible force had slammed a hammer against her heart, making it crack, making it shatter, then crumble to dust.

Her wounded heart ached for the crying boy in front of her. The boy that looked so pale and devastated, so unlike what he used to look like. Gone were the beaming blue eyes and the never wavering smile. He was so vulnerable and in pain. How could she ever leave her baby boy thousands of kilometers away from what they called "home".

She wished she could just quit her job and care for her son full time, but she couldn't.

"Mika, kultaseni. There is no other way. We can't stay here for many weeks to come. No one knows how long it will take for you to recover." She carded her fingers through his hair, while trying to fight against her own tears.

Mika didn't understand. His father had left days earlier for the same reason as his mother: their jobs. Mika had offered to pay for their expenses. His parents could both very well quit their jobs and still be financially stable. He lived in a Monaco pent-house for heaven's sake, he could do with a little less! But his mother had clasped his hands between her own and had kissed his palm. "You don't need to pay for us, kulta. You might need all of that for the future."

First Mika hadn't understand the meaning behind it, but he quite quickly realised what his mother had meant. And it made him nauseous. His parent's minds were two steps ahead. They wanted him to safeguard all his money in case he would end up paralyzed and disabled for good.

The reality of it had downed on him like a dark thundercloud. It had made him even more anxious and depressed. Even more afraid of the future.

"But I will have to be here for so long!" A big fat tear rolled down Mika's cheek.

Aila shook her head in sorrow. She knew how much difficulty Mika had with showing emotions openly in front of people he didn't know well. She was afraid he was going to surpress it all, which she believed was detrimental to his healing process.

"Mika, honey, I believe you are in good hands! They have saved your life and they know what they're doing. I will ask them to keep an extra eye on you."

She gathered her hurt son in her arms and kissed his brow, then tucked his blonde head under her chin. 

"We will miss you and we will throw you a big party when you are allowed to leave the hospital! We are going to call and write. We will visit you every oppertunity we get!"

Aila rocked Mika back and forth in her arms as if he was still her little baby from 1968. She tried to ignore the tremors running down his spine, afraid that it would make her stay with him. Afraid that she would indeed quit her job and live on the money that Mika might need very much in the future. No matter how much she wanted to stay, it wouldn't be a wise decision for that exact reason.

"Bye sweetheart. I know you can do it! You will walk and talk like never before! I know you will, my champ!"

With those words she let go off him. She slowly walked backwards to the door of his room, to the exit. She couldn't stop her tears from falling. She had to make this quick in order not to change her mind.

She blew him one more kiss, then shut the door of his room behind her, leaving her son alone like a lost and clueless puppy.

In the hallway of the hospital – on the floor Mika's room was located – his mother halted a nurse. There was one more thing she needed to do before she left to Finland. "Miss, could you please keep an extra eye on Mika? He is very lonely... maybe he needs a roommate at some point?"

As soon as his mother had left, Mika collapsed onto his bed in a boneless heap, taking shuddering breaths. He stared at the ceiling apathically as silent tears trickled down the corners of his eyes. He mourned the finality of it all... the shut door... his mother out of the country soon. It caused a painful lurch in the beating of his already sore heart. His hands coiled in the sheets and tugged at the soft material to distract his restless mind.

He was alone. Only him and his traitorous mind, that constantly reminded him how weak he was and in how much physical and emotional pain he was. Every twist and turn in the bedlinnen hurt, but if he laid still... for hours... his limbs screamed for movement.

The door only opened for relief and agony. Relief when nurses came in to refill his IV-bag with morphine. Agony when the same nurses came in to drag him from his room and have doctors use him as their lab rat for their medical tests.

The silence and the lack of distraction made that he experienced every sensory change tenfold. He could sense with every minute passing by how the effect of morphine lessened. Hell, he could write a scientific book on "morphine" based on his own empirical observations.

What if he did? It would be a welcome distraction. But at this point... could he properly write with a pen? Could he type coherent sentences on a laptop? Probably not. Both his fine motorskills and the creative left hemisphere of his brain had suffered great damage. At this moment he couldn't even stop his left eye from blinking out of sync with his right eye.

Every day his mind was consumed by darkness while in his room it was very much light. The neon tubes on the ceiling pestering him as he tried to find peace. Peace with himself and the situation he was in.

He hated that in the hospital he had nobody to talk to. Most nurses were very business-like. A few nurses wanted to coddle him like a baby. None of them could make him laugh. They were all very serious about the matter... of course they were! He had escaped death! But he knew that very well himself!

Mika believed that the only uplifting things he could gather would be from little chats with people. He was dissapointed in most of the topics of conversation people in the hospital initiated with him. It was always about pain elevation and homesickness. He knew they were only providing a sympathetic ear, but it didn't work for him. Although pain elevation was very much an interesting topic of conversation when his morphine was running out, because the pain was unbearable most of the time.

His head was throbbing all the time. The inside of his throat was sore because of the removed tracheotomy. He was going insane in his bed and his major daytime activity was trying to keep his mind sane. He wanted to cry but he didn't want anyone to see him cry. His progress was slow, although Mika counted himself lucky that there was progress at all.

He could walk down the entire corridor of the fifth floor without collapsing to his knees. His hearing got a little better. He slowly started regaining his smell and taste. These positive developments were the only anchor to his somber mind.

The progress also caused a new development.

"Mika, we have administered another patient to your room. You've made so much progress in the last couple of weeks, and you seem to be coping quite well emotionally. So you will be getting a roommate today."

The nurse changing his IV-bag smiled at him. "I hope you like it."

Mika froze in place. A roommate?! Coping quite well emotionally?! If that woman only knew... He was crying his eyes out when no one was looking. He didn't want a roommate who could witness how weak and desperate he was!

"Why?!"

"Your mother told us on the phone you are a bit lonely in here."

Mika frowned. "Yes, I am, but I don't need anyone in my room! Can't I suffer in privacy?"

"Oh Mika," the nurse pouted and caressed a strand of hair from his face. She was one of the 'coddling nurses'. "I thought you would like it. Don't worry, he will only be here for a few days. Your new roommate has a complicated leg fracture. He will have surgery today."

"But why would you put someone with a leg fracture in the same room as someone with a fucking skull fracture?" Mika said a bit disconcerted. "Do you think it looks pretty to see someone whine for more morphine?!"

"I've seen a lot of patients looking less pretty," the nurse flirted with him.

Mika glared at her. He crossed his arms in front of his chest and gave her the silent treatment.

"Sorry Mika, but he will be here in a few hours."

Mika had fallen asleep in the course of those few hours, being very much unaware of who was being wheeled inside his hospital room.

Michael Schumacher stared at the sleeping patient with the rosy cheeks and the angelic features. His skin however was paler than before, and had lost its previous glow of life and happiness. How did he end up in same room as Mika Häkkinen?! The poor guy had almost died! How is he allowed in his room? To see a sleeping Mika Häkkinen in this intimate setting made him blush. It felt illegal to witness it. Michael knew journalists had been lurking around the hospital walls to see a glimpse of the unfortunate boy.

Mika stirred in his sleep as if he could sense something was different.

Michael watched him from the corners of his eyes and couldn't help but be endeared by the sleeping Finn. His precense filled Michael with a sudden calm. It put into perspective how lucky he was to have only suffered a leg fracture from his most recent crash. Mika was here well over a month now, and he himself could leave in a few days.

He noticed the damp crimson spot on Mika's pillow and gasped, not aware that it was one of the long lasting complications of internal bleeding and tracheotomy removal. He watched as Mika accidently smeared his face and hair with the blood as he turned in his bed again. It caused his sleepy face to frown and his eyes to flutter.

Mika felt the warm sticky moisture on his face and cursed silently. "Not again. Perkele." He slowly opened his eyes and startled when he noticed Michael Schumacher's vibrant emerald eyes staring directly at him. What?!

Michael stared into the saphire blue eyes of Mika and could only mumble a: "I am sorry."

Mika's eyes blinked again, this time in confusion. He didn't want this. He didn't want Michael to see all this. He quickly turned around, facing away from the succesful F1-star, and burrowed his face in the blood-stained pillow.

Michael didn't know why he had said "I am sorry" because he had done nothing wrong, but it still felt like the right thing to do, especially since the Finn clearly didn't like his privacy being invaded.

"Mika?" he tried. "Are you okay? I am sorry for being here. And I understand if you don't want to talk."

Mika listened to Michael with tears shimmering in his eyes. He couldn't turn around to him and he couldn't reply. Michael would see him cry like a toddler and he didn't want him to see.

Michael sighed and sagged down into the pillows. He felt bad about the situation. Mika was ignoring him and his leg was throbbing like crazy. It really hurt and the bandages around it itched like hell. He really didn't know what to do. He could only wait for the the sutured skin tissue to heal after his surgery.

After a few minutes of silence, both their heads went up when a nurse entered the room.

She rushed to Mika's bed and gently lifted his head, reaching for his pillow. "Oh it happened again. The washing machine runs overtime with you as a patient".

She noticed Mika's teary eyes and immediately felt bad about her stupid joke. "Mika, I am so sorry! That wasn't funny at all!" She quickly grabbed a tissue to wipe at the tears and the bloody smudges on his face.

Michael saw it all happen in front of him. He startled to see Mika's shoulders shaking, a sniff followed by a whimper escaping his trembling lips. Though his face was partially turned away, Michael could see the glimmer of tears as they left a trail down his cheeks, plopping onto the blanket at a rapidly speeding pace.

Mika knew he couldn't hide his raw emotions for long. But to be exposed as a crybaby in only a matter of minutes saddened him even more. What would Michael think of him?

Michael was thinking many things, but thinking of Mika as a crybaby wasn't one of them. He wanted to walk to his bed to console the Finn, to tell him there was nothing to be embarrassed about, but he couldn't. His broken leg stopped him.

"Mika?" He tried again after the nurse had left.

Mika now did look at him. What did it matter now anyway? He has seen me cry. "Yes, Michael?"

"I don't know where to start. I have apologized to you already, but a I am really sorry for invading your privacy! You deserve a room for yourself alone."

Mika shook his head. "Please don't apologize for that, Michael. I have had a private room for more than a month. It's not your fault and I am terribly sorry to see you have broken your leg!"

"It's nothing, Mika! I can hardly say it's bad when you are lying here in bed for weeks on pain killers!"

Mika shook his head as more tears trickled down his cheeks. "Please don't say that!"

Michael swallowed against his own tears. Again, he didn't know what to do. He wanted to be close to his rival. He wanted to hold him and tell him everything will be alright. He wanted to tell him that he could foresee a trophy standing in his living room instead of a wheelchair.

"Mika, can you walk?

"Yes, but not too far. Why?"

"Could you please come over?" Michael bit his lip in anticipation. His caring nature urged him to console Mika. Michael knew Mika needed it, but the Finn probably didn't want to admit that he needed affection.

With hesitation in his eyes, Mika pushed himself upright in his bed and very slowly and inelegantly swung his legs over the bedframe.

He slowly strode towards Michael's bed with his face twisted in concentration. He couldn't wobble on his trembling legs, or worse... fall over in front of Michael.

He halted in front of his rival and gave him an awkward little smile. The best one he could muster with half of his face paralyzed.

Michael stared at him for a long time, taking him in from head to toe. Except for his adorable crooked smile, Michael barely noticed the paralysis. His rival was alive. Alive and walking, albeit slowly.

"What are you looking at?"

"I just realized how good it feels to see you doing so well."

"But, I am not doin-"

"Yes! Yes you are doing well," Michael interrupted him. "Have you never thought about how bad it was when you were rushed into ER here? Do you not realise how far you've come? All of us were told you were fighting for your life!"

Mika blinked at him in confusion. Why did he never think of that? People outside the hospital knew about his accident, but they didn't know a single thing about his healing process. And of course they were speculating... his McLaren seat was not on the market for next season yet... so something must be going on.

"Yes... I was... fighting for my life." Mika looked down at the pristine tiles of the hospital floor.

"But you aren't anymore!" Michael stretched out a hand and let it rest on Mika's back, motioning him to sit down on the edge of his bed.

Mika sat down, but didn't say a word. He stared at the cast around Michael's leg, wondering how even the best in the sport could end up in a hospital. His hand shot out in the direction of said leg, his fingers hovering over the cast, as if he wanted to heal the fracture with secret, invisible powers.

"We don't belong here."

"No, we don't."

Michael watched him with great intent as he felt his heart fill with a sudden warmth. His own hand reached out and started to caress the soft blonde locks of his rival. He was very careful, because he knew that underneath that mop of velvety hair Mika was hurting very badly.

Mika turned around to look at him. A blush spread across his pale cheeks as Michael continued to caress his hair. He grabbed Michael's hand gently and kept it in place on the side of his head. "It distracts from the constant throbbing."

His own hand moved down to stroke the unharmed upper part of Michael's broken leg. "I hope it does the same for you."

Michael sighed and stared into Mika's eyes with great adoration. "It does!"

They sat like that for over half an hour, talking about life at the hospital until Mika's morphine started to run out again.

The Finn squinted his eyes against the pain. He removed Michael's hand from where it was still resting against his head. Tears forced their way outward, their damp tracks making his cheeks glisten in the neon lights on the ceiling above them. And worst of all... Mika couldn't surpress a heart wrenching sob.

Michael saw how Mika's calm demeanor had changed into that of a pain tormented soul in a matter of minutes. He could understand Mika's negativity if pain struck like that and progress was so slow. A month into his healing process and Mika was still relient of pain killers.

Michael scooted a bit to the side, making room on his bed, and guided Mika to lie down next to him. He curled an arm around the Finn and pressed a hand against his sweat-matted brow.

"It's okay, Mika! Take deep breaths!"

"Every fucking day it happens twice! Every early morning and every late afternoon!"

Mika shook in agony. His fingers started tugging at the stands of his hair, causing small tufts of the blonde fluff to drift through the air. Michael stopped the action by taking both his rival's hands in his own.

"Don't do that! That won't help!"

Mika burrowed his face in the hollow of Michael's neck and wept quietly. Any embaressment he had had about crying in front of others was gone.

Michael gasped in pain when Mika curled against his side and accidently hit his hurt leg. He supressed a whine in order not to upset his rival. The Finn was already dealing with his own pain, which seemed to be constant. He could bump into his leg as much as he wanted if it meant he would be more comfortable on the bed.

When Mika began to shiver and his teeth began to chatter, Michael covered the both of them with his heavy blanket. His arms tightened around the shaking Finn, holding him impossibly close. Nothing strange about sharing some body warmth.

"I miss my mom," Mika sobbed.

Michael realised that Mika must be delirious with pain, because all barriers he had put up around himself had crumbled to dust. Again, it felt illegal to witness this. Michael softly murmered in Mika's ear a promise that he would never tell anyone about this vulnerable moment.

[dreamerswriter]

Harveston: I'M SO TEED OFF!

Aw, no, you did your best. The universe is just against you at this point.

Oh, no... You're fine... You really did your best.

Uh, we are the least of your concerns. I am just happy I went to the equvilant of Finland.

Let Epel say curse.

......... I love you.

I am not crying and wishing that my family was like this, you are!

Can she be my meemaw too please?

I think so too! On the flip side, good luck telling Vil and Rook about this.

........ Ok, I love her. Thank you.

Huh?

Aw... that's gotta be a sweet feeling. I've seen a lot of stuff in my life. Seeing monuments with your friends and siblings is always the best feeling in the world.

Also, fair.

You know, I bet this is how Phoenix feels after the end of every case.

He must understand this feeling!

Go for it. You've earned it.

That is the perfect way to end this! I am not kidding! Oh, this is wonderful! I am so happy this event had a rerun, so for once, thanks Jamil! I really meant to do this one, but I was fnishing college and didn't have the time to do that. Thanks for waiting! We are done with our trip to Finland!

So, what do you think will happen next? A plushies falling from the sky final round, visiting Vil's hometown, or the oddly looking fun carnival that appeared in the middle of the night?

Let's go to the carnival! I am sure nothing bad will happen there!

[nrdmssgs]

💕do you do aus for zhar and nik? ever since i learned, what her callsign stands for, i want a supernatural au with them, please! they are cryptids and you cant tell me otherwise! 💕

Lovie, the short answer is: I have not a single idea, how to make a decent AU. I don't understand, how this whole thing works.

However, a few days ago my friends reminded me of this idea, I had a while ago. Consider this one time promotion, but I present you with a shifters!NikxZhar

Summary: they show each other their inhuman forms. This is somewhere between the first and second chapters of Matters, if you need a timeline, so Zhar already has her call sign, works in Chimera and has burn marks. TW: swearing

Masterlist

Shifting is a very intimate moment. It should be kept to the shifter themselves and maybe their closest family. This is the well respected principle among all the shifters, so even in the Task Force they just wrote, what their 'second faces' were on pieces of paper and left those pieces on the desk, so that each of them could read and remember in silence.

Though, of course, Soap couldn't keep his mouth shut.

"Wait, lammer-what? I need to google that thing."

Ghost hissed, gripping Johnny's collar and shaking him vigorously: it was considered inappropriate to comment on others 'second face' - something so personal.

Olga didn't pay any attention - she was happy as long as Nikolai wasn't around, when she had to confess, what exactly she shifts into. Back in that days she didn't trust him even her address. And she couldn't care less for what's his 'second face' was.

That's why now, many years after, she has to guess.

As they walk into the deep forest, both dressed too light for the current weather, as their blood starts running hot in anticipation, she takes a peek at him secretly.

What could this man be?

There are a few factors, that might help to guess shifters 'second face'. First of all - 'second face' would never be a form, originating too far from the place, where the shifter was born. So it is almost impossible to be born for example somewhere around Finland and be shifted into a kangaroo. The next important thing, is that what shifters call 'a second face' is in reality more a second nature - it will affect their preferences in work or their personal traits.

"Any ideas, darling? Wild guesses? If you guess right - I'm the first to show, remember?" Nikolais grin shines in the last rays of dusk and Zhar understands, that her guesses are most likely to be wrong. Otherwise, he wouldn't be so arrogant.

"I need three attempts."

"Take as many as you want, but I'm not that big of a riddle." He stops on the edge of the clearing in the woods and leans against a tall dark pine.

Olga looks around, assessing the place, and turns back to Nikolai. "Ok, my best shot is a magpie or a crow. Someone of the corvidae."

"Because I'm the best pilot, you've ever seen, sokrovishe*?"

"Because you're the smart sneaky scoundrel, willing to steal anything, that is not nailed to the floor... And maybe because of all the flying."

Nik chuckles and shakes his head. "I'm afraid, the sky is my dream in every my form, but never my element. So think bigger."

Zhar tilts her head to the side. "Bigger? A wolf maybe? Statistically speaking, there must be at least one wolf in Prices Task Force and we had none, while I was serving there..."

"O-o-o-oh-h-h-h-h, I adore wolf-shifters. Something in them just makes my heart melt, little lovely puppies... " Nikolai clicks his tongue and leans closer Olga, freezing right above her ear. "But you, little thing, got yourself somebody more... massive, I should say."

"Nik, for fucks sake, I beg you: not a bear," pleads Zhar.

Nikolai looks at her and starts unbuttoning his shirt. Olga opens her mouth, but says nothing and watches him. The moment, that should have become their true bonding, grows so terribly cheesy, that she regrets even agreeing to this all. Not only she has fallen for a Russian guy - she somehow found her self the Russian bear shifter, as if she was aiming for the most cliché man on Earth. Nik breaks the silence with a loud laughter.

"Well, of course, every shifter born in Russia, must be a bear! As if you yourself are the one as well." He tosses his shirt on the bag, they brought with them, cups Zhars face and peppers it with kisses, still laughing. She doesn't react, still looking at him in shock, and he add 'just fucking with you, Nebo, don't you worry'.

"So, I was wrong? Not a bear?"

"No." Nikolai grins and places another kiss, a much longer one on her lips. "Not a bear. But that means, somebody lost and will have to shift first."

His fingers trail down her neck and tug under her sweater. "This will have to go, I guess. Unless I found myself a little mouse-girl..."

Zhar catches his lips: hard to resist him, when her body is boiling with both sides of her nature. Their kiss is full of thirst for each other, hands clutching on clothes, caressing and claiming, their heartbeats grow faster and synchronize. It is much more than a make out session - they open each other up, sharing inhuman warmth, loosing breath in each other. Everything feels much brighter in their state, every touch wakes so much more sensations right now. It feels so good, that Nikolai groans irritated, when Olga break their kiss and whispers 'not here, Nik'.

"Nobody will see you, Nebo. Not a single soul, but me." He tries to bargain for more of her proximity, but Zhar shakes her head.

"You didnt get me. Not here. I need a cliff."

Nikolai freezes. A shadow of concern crosses his gaze. Not every shifter has an equally simple way to change their form. If your 'second face' is a mammal - consider yourself lucky, because you practically can decide, when you shift, because the difference between your two forms is not that big. But in other it takes a great deal of 'motivation' for the shift to happen.

Such shifters often use adrenalin injections to trigger the process, but there are other, more 'traditional' ways.

"You're getting a shot." Nikolai doesn't even ask her - he states a fact. His voice resembles a deep, guttural roar. "This is your first shifting after the injury, I am not letting you do anything careless."

"I've never done this with a shot. Not for a single time! And i'm not starting today." Olga takes off her sweater and unbuckles her belt. They fly to the ground behind Nik. Her usual insecurities and desire to hide her scars are instantly forgotten.

"You are going to get yourself killed!" Nik grabs her arm.

He realizes his mistake too late: shifters get incredibly strong and easily irritated before the change. Zhar yanks her arm out of his grip with such force that she risks dislocating her shoulder joint. He lets her go in fear and she finally turns back.

"You dare to question my 'face'?" Something changes in her voice: it grows raucous, high and strong.

Nikolai takes a step back.

They walk to the cliff in a dead silence. No one breaks it, even when Olga takes off her last bits of clothes.

They stop on a large empty plateau, hanging above the darkening void full of rocks and trees. Zhar stretches her arms and shoulders, when she feels Nikolais hot breath on her back.

"What?" She looks back and meets his gaze: not an angry or menacing, but instead full of care and tenderness.

He walks around her, touches her cheek and kisses her forehead.

"That's all I wanted to let you know, moye Nebo*. I will be right here. Waiting." Niks voice is muffled, if there was any rage in him - he dragged it deep enough to not be shown in any way.

She presses her whole body against his for a moment and sighs. Olga knows, how hard it is for him to let her do, what she is about to do. And yet he strangles his own doubts for her.

Nikolai takes a few steps back, watching her undoing her usual bun. Waves of trembling run down her body, but he knows, that it is not from cold. It is the anticipation.

Zhar closes her eyes, takes a deep breath in and pushes herself ahead from the edge. Her motions are so calm and casual that for a few seconds Nikolai believes that she did not do anything unusual, and throwing herself into a deadly void is not a big deal. And then the chilling realization of what is happening creeps into his soul. His heaven, his beloved girl just jumped off the cliff on his very eyes. He waits for what feels like an eternity, but not a single sound appears in the black seas of tree tops waving on the wind under him. His hands run cold, throat feels dry and soar, heart runs wild. Shifting never takes so much time. Nik stands on the very edge of the plateau and whispers 'come on, come back to me, love, I beg you'.

All of a sudden, a huge black shadow, flies up right before his face so swiftly, that he instinctively covers his face. A magnificent beast of a bird straightenes her wings and lays down on the invisible streams of wind just a few dozens meters above the ground, casting a formidable shadow upon Nik. Cloaked in a tapestry of dusk and dawn, its plumage boasts a palette woven from the shades of twilight - a fusion of russet and amber intermingling with the deep hues of earth and blood.

Nikolai pulls his arm to the side, and calls her to sit on it and give her wings some rest. But she shrieks at him, rising scarlet feathers on her head. Her voice isn't anywhere near soothing bird songs - it is a war cry, a command, that only a fool would dare to disobey. So Nik lowers his hand and nods meekly. In the first minutes after the change, a shifter usually doesn't recognize anyone around. Younger ones need up to a few hours to fully understand, who are they, and what is happening to them.

Nikolai doesn't pressure her into interaction - he just descends to the ground and sits there, letting her circle above him. When she finally lands near him - Nik finally get a chance to see every smallest detail.

It's her eyes, that hypnotize him. They glint like precious gemstones amid the wild expanse, hold a glimmer of some secret knowledge, a silent witness to the untamed symphony of life and death that echo high in the sky.

She leans to the ground, curls up in an unnatural for a bird pose, and Nikolai understands, that she is tired.

"Come here, I'll hold you, my treasure." The bird looks at him attentively for a few long moments and leans her head on his lap.

Shifting back is painful: shivers run through her entire body for a long time after she loses her heathers and bones grow back to a human form. Nik caresses her shoulders and slowly rocks her back and forth to sooth her senses.

When her skin stops running so hot, he wraps her in a blanket they took from home.

"I know, I know: a girl must shift into something sophisticated and pretty. Like a hawk, falcon, or a dove... Not in-"

"You are a work of art. I've never seen anything so majestic. And I've spent quite some time in the skies." Nikolai smiles, looking her in the eyes.

"More majestic than your hellicopter?"

"Just don't tell her." Nikolai winks. "So... a vulture? A magnificent creature. And a fearful one. Dread from the skies."

"Bearded vulture. We look more menacing, than we really are, so don't worry."

"Oh love, you could leave my 'second face' eyeless in a few seconds, if you wanted." At these words of Zhar raises a confused gaze upon him. She wouldn't risk flying low enough to let something 'more massive than a wolf' to catch her.

Nik helps her back into her clothes and carefully kisses her hands, taking in a brief moment of her absolute vulnerability. When she is ready, Nikolai helps her stand and leads her to the nearest tree to lean against.

"You sure, you want to see it today? I can wait as long as you want." He whispers lowly.

"Nikolai, please! I showed you everything, it is only fair-"

"Ok-ok," he chuckles. "Just promise me to be a brave little thing and don't run away. I will be at your feet in any of my forms."

Following him with her gaze, Zhar waits until he disappears far behind the trees and sinks to the ground: the shifting was really hard for her, but she tried to hide it from Nik. Her eyes slowly get used to the dark ambience of the forest, but she notices no movement.

It is only when a few little birds quickly flutter out of the bushes and rush away, Olga finally understands, she is not alone anymore.

The first thing she notices are two eyes, mirroring moonlight. And the height at which these eyes are moving does not bode well for her. He is enormous. His colossal frame emerges from the verdant shadows. A creature of regal splendor, its tawny coat adorned with striking stripes that echoed the forest's secrets.

"Bloody hell..." Her heart skips a beat, and fear courses through her veins. Instinctively, she springs to her feet, pressing her back against the reassuring solidity of the tree. Her pulse quickens, her hand darts to the place, where her holster usually is: a primal response to the raw power embodied in the approaching feline.

The tiger freezes, his giant paw is raised for the next silent step, but remains in the air. He sees, where her hand moved, he undesrtands, what is it, shes seeking. Olga desperately tries to remember, how long ago Nik went away to shift. "10 minutes top. But he's a bloody cat - they need more time to adapt, they are much more wild than us," screams a frightened voice in her head. Before her stands a beast, approximately two hundred kilos of muscles and hunger for blood, and Zhar has nothing to help her escape. She won't even be able to shift once again - she barely stands.

However, to her astonishment, the tiger doesn't bear his teeth or growl menacingly. Instead, he approaches her after the initial pause.

Drawing closer, the tiger halts just a breath away, his golden eyes fixated upon her. But rather than aggression, the tiger displays an unexpected gesture—a subtle tilt of its head, an invitation.

Trepidation mingle with curiosity, and against all instincts, Olga tentatively extends her hand toward the majestic beast, fingers trembling in uncertainty. With tender grace, the tiger nudges his head closer, inviting her touch.

As her fingers brush against the tiger's velvety fur, a thought, not her own, but rather a dictated or a transmitted one, appears somewhere deep in her mind.

"At your feet, love. In any form. Always."

She looks deep into the ferocious predator's eyes and sees the same warmth, she often finds in Nikolais eyes.

Zhar finally gives in to her weariness and sits down, the beast pulls his head closer to her face and sniffs her hair. As gentle as she can, Olga embraces his head and scratches behind his ears. With a rumbling purr akin to a distant thunderstorm, the tiger leans into her touch, seeking more of her attention. Just as Nikolai always does.

sokrovishe - a treasure

nebo - sky/heaven

[majaloveschris]

Why nothing makes sense part 5.

Valentine's Day edition

I won't answer every single question in which people asked if I thought it was real or not; instead, I'm going to tell you why I think it's PR.

1. We've already discussed that there are a lot of pictures that were taken on the same day, but I'm going to add them here too.

The same hike:

Her nails are the same, and they craved pumpkin for Halloween, and the third picture was probably taken that day:

These were also taken the same day at an unknown location and in Finland (I don't understand why they need to post two separate pictures while they are at the same place; maybe to prove that they were actually there together? Who knows.)

This was probably taken in Vermont, in 2022. If you take a look at her outfit here on this picture and you take a look at this screenshot from Justin's video, you can see that it's the same outfit, so this was the reason why they were there.  

What about these pictures? Like, what proves she took these picture of him? 

And I can tell the same thing about this picture. Nothing indicates it was taken by him (This is rumored to have been taken by her mother)

2. So Just Jared knew, like, four hours prior that Chris would share this video, which shows how fake this whole thing is. It's actually not the first time something like this has happened. I think we all remember when JJ wrote about him leaving a comment under her post even before she posted the picture. They had written this article way before the actual video came out, which is more than suspicious.

3. He's never done this with any of his previous (real) girlfriends, and he looked way more in love with them, and they were together for much more time. He's never felt the urge to prove that they are in love this much. He's always had a private relationship, and he was more than happy with it, because, you know, "some things are just for the family" or whatever he’s said. This is so out of character for him, and it makes this whole thing way more suspicious.

4. He posted this in his stories. Just like with the scare video, he didn't post it to his real feed but rather in his stories, which disappear after 24 hours. Other people (like RDJ) made an actual post, and for him, this is the second time he's rather added these moments to his story, like he doesn't want it to stay up on his actual page. 

[savi-of-ithaca]

Figured I should ask, what are some fond or interesting memories you have?

oooh do i get an ask in return each time? how delightful of you

welllllll, i guess i'll go youngest to oldest? in the order of memories that come to me

-> in the third grade i was feeding ponies with my classmates and this one pony mistook me for a blade of grass. bit some flesh off my elbow. ow. my teacher was a little more ruffled than me i think, i was fine after it stopped hurting?? had to get 4 shots though

-> it was my aunt's wedding in finland and i had not yet developed inhibition....i fed everyone fresh GRASS on their plates,,,i was laughed at and discovered embarrassment that day. my aunt's cousin's mother tried to comfort me and we couldn't communicate at all due to the language barrier but i don't think i've laughed so hard ever again. we also picked berries in the forest!! such fun.

-> at the same wedding, i think i cried because i thought my aunt looked just like cinderella in her wedding dress and obviously wanted to stand next to her...but the groom got that honour. much to my dismay. now a version of the wedding photo where im really fucking grumpy exists and is framed on my grandparents' wall 😭

-> disneyland, paris. i thought the mickey mouse actor was actually mickey mouse. skipped the whole line in joy. best moment of my baby life

-> when i was summering with my relatives in delhi, there was this little litter of puppies that lived near one of the stalls in the marketplace with their mother. i'd drag my own mother along to see them every single day and somehow wore her down into letting me get my own little pup!! i love bruno

-> i wanted a pomeranian but my dad told me it was far too small and would get hurt in our house because i am rather clumsy, a trait i get from my mother, but amplified. i hesitantly still asked if they had a pomeranian, but the man had said they had pugs. which he claimed were basically the same thing. (not. but im glad.) so then they drove the first little pug here on a fucking SCOOTER and immediately i was in love. the boy was bald. he had NO HAIR on his head and he was still so happy to be here. immediately took him home. tried to name him crystal, dad said that was a stupid name. my friend had told me NOT to name my dog bruno and...well i saw only one thing to do ajshaushs

-> actually we had two guinea pigs, and before that two lovebirds. we didn't want to keep them caged, the birds, so we let them go, but jojo couldn't fly, i think he'd never learnt to iirc? so we had to return him and it was so heartbreaking. but honey was so happy soaring away

-> once when i was littler i liked collecting the dust chalk made. i'd pretend i was brewing concoctions with a little kitchenset and my mom did NOT like cleanup. she was upset and i couldn't for the life of me understand why so i started hiding chalk powder and stressing when i thought she'd find it 😭😭😭😭

-> i adored sudha murthy. i mean loved. i still have stories i remember and that i will tell anyone that hints just the slightest bit of interest in hearing

-> once, my mom told me not to talk to this girl because she thought she was a bad influence on me. i told that straight to the girl's face....to this day barely grasp why my mom didn't tell me not to tell her. how was i supposed to know???

-> i once danced while hula hooping to waka waka for a traditional indian religious festival *shudders in what were me and my friend thinking*

-> i used to love holi. loved loved loved it!! colour, water, music, friends, too bone deep tired for it now though i think

-> there was this one guy who made me and my ex very uncomfortable with weird comments so we just decided to make him uncomfortable back. ended up slighlty stealing his identity

-> more recent, i love making gifts for people. love it so much, my last gifts have been these neat potion bottle things i could show you if you'd like, photos edited to look like polaroids of favourite moments, coupons for hugs and stuff, my favourite memories come from seeing the looks on their faces as they received them. i live for personalised gifts.

-> in the second grade i wrote a story, i just wrote, no plot or really anything to interest you but my english teacher read it each time and gave me notes on the grammar and always encouraged me, which was a very sweet thing to do for a child. definitely encouraged me to write more

-> i used scribble on used paper, literally scribble lines, because that's how adults' handwriting looked to me. then my mom would pretend to grade it. i really do have good childhood memories if i look hard enough

i spoke way too much but i have so many memories to share and if you really are interested, i could always tell you more, and/or you can ask me any multitude of questions <3

[unknownfacelessfanfictions]

Warmth

Paring: Hemmer x fem!Reader Fandom: Star Trek: Strange New Worlds Words: 1.6K Summary: She couldn't be sure if it was an Aenar thing or just a Hemmer thing but as pacifist as he was, just as stubborn and proud he could be.

Not my gif!!!

WINTER WRITING PLAN!!!

"Are you sure?"

She looked at him sceptically, if amused, leaning against the doorframe. Hemmer snorted snidely and wrinkled his nose. "I am Aenar. I grew up in snow and ice. That little bit out there won't hurt me."

With that, he pointed above them where a glass ceiling revealed a snow-covered landscape.

It was December and the Enterprise had actually found time to stay in space dock for repairs, allowing the crew to spend Christmas with their family.

Her family, however, were either no longer alive or currently nowhere near Earth and instead, after asking if it was all right, had decided to go on holiday with her fiancé. Hemmer had given her permission to choose the holiday destination and in the end she had decided on Lapland in Finland.

She had been more than lucky to get one of the ice igloos, which served as a kind of hotel.

They were not very spacious, but there was enough room for a double bed, a small bathroom and a small kitchenette, as well as a small fireplace in front of which a fluffy carpet was placed...

At first Hemmer had protested. He did not want to travel to a place  where she would be so cold, but she had not given in.  Hemmer had spent most of his life on a ship, where it was far too warm for him. So what was two weeks in the cold for her?

After a while, he had scowled and agreed on the condition that they would stay in the hotel for the first few days so that she wouldn't immediately suffer a shock freeze. She had agreed and

the last two days they had spent in front of the fireplace, wrapped in a blanket, leaning against each other and just enjoying each other's presence.

They hadn't had to talk much. If she had wanted to tell him something, she had only had to think about it and if he had wanted to say something, he had leaned down and whispered in her ear so softly that it would not have been heard under other circumstances.

And she loved this togetherness and closeness, but she wanted to finally make good on her promise and give Hemmer his coldness. However, the Aenar turned out to be quite stubborn.

"I believe you, darling. However, you might want to wear something more than a rather thinner jacket after all."

Hemmer just shook his head. "It's not that cold for me. These temperatures were summer on Andoria. Here, though..." He didn't finish his sentence, just wrapped a scarf around her neck, pressed gloves into her hand and topped off his creation by pressing a pink bobble hat onto her head, which had little flashing lights built in and which she had never seen before.

"So I can find you in the dark too." He grinned impossibly smugly and, jokingly, she swatted at him with her gloves.

"Idiot. But fine, if you say so. Don't complain if you're cold, though."

"I won't be cold."

She was still sceptical but could not suppress a smile when Hemmer held out his hand and bowed to her. "May I ask the lady for this dance?"

She laughed out and placed her gloved hands in his exposed ones and curtsied slightly.

"It would be my pleasure."

Hemmer gave a short laugh as well and pulled her close so that she slammed against his chest, pressing a quick kiss against her temple, followed by a strand of transmitted thoughts that she couldn't quite follow, but all of which radiated gratitude and appreciation.

Before she could return this, however, Hemmer pressed the panel next to the door, whereupon it slid aside and an icy wind whistled at them.

" Sure you don't want to wear something thicker?"

At her question he just shook his head vigorously and began to pull her energetically behind him, which in turn elicited a laugh from her.

She hadn't seen him this eager and keen in a long time.

However, she could understand him. The landscape was breathtakingly beautiful.

Their igloo was in the middle of a forest. Although it was accessible by vehicle and the area was cordoned off enough so that they were not in danger of being attacked by wild animals, this patch of untouched earth seemed so peaceful that she felt she could stay here forever, despite the biting cold.

It was already dark, but the snow glistened in the pale light of the occasional lantern. Her breath danced in the air, forming the most beautiful shapes before mingling with Hemmer's and rising towards the sky.

To the stars, as they always did.

During the walk, she had hooked her arm with his and wrapped her hand around his, while at the same time resting her head on his shoulder. She felt his calm, even breathing and the light pressure his fingers exerted on hers and had to sigh.

While her fiancé liked to pretend he was grumpy and standoffish, he secretly loved physical contact and the full range of it.

Holding hands, hugging, resting his head on her shoulder, or the other way around, cuddling, kissing, he was open to everything.

Once, as they lay in their quarters on the Enterprise at night, her head on his shoulder, his arm around her and her hand on his chest to feel his heartbeat, listening to the ship's engines, Hemmer had spoken quietly, in a whisper, of his home.

About the majestic ice caves and structures the Aenar had built over the last millennia. About his family, whom he loved and missed more than anything, but who supported him in all his deeds. And about the Aenar culture and how important physical contact was for them.

They lived on an ice planet, a moon of cold, where warmth was something precious. Sharing one's own body heat was therefore a sign of a high level of trust, appreciation and love, and something that was not done lightly.

His words had brought tears to her eyes and since then she had appreciated every single touch of his body and had not taken it for granted.

Now to have this physical contact, in a place that was similar to Hemmer's home planet and where this custom, this culture, would make sense again and could take up its original intuition, was more than proof enough for her that Hemmer loved her.

Even if she really didn't need this proof.

During their walk, Hemmer had started to talk quietly about the possibilities of excursions for the next few days, the future five-year mission of the Enterprise and everything else.

It did not bother her. She would never tire of listening to him.

However, she was beginning to notice something that was not normally common for Hemmer. His voice was shaking, getting quieter and he was stumbling over words.

At first she didn't give it much thought. Maybe he was tired or distracted by his surroundings, but the further they walked, the more noticeable it became and she became sceptical, looking at him out of the corner of her eye.

At first glance there wasn't much different from before, though on closer inspection she noticed that wasn't the case.

His lower lip was trembling, his shoulders were hunched and he seemed to shiver with every gust of wind. She had to avoid rolling her eyes in amusement.

"Hemmer, dear?" she interrupted him gently and instantly he turned his attention to her, which in turn warmed her heart.

"Yes?" They stopped and she disengaged her arm from his to touch his cheek with her hand, looking at him amused and loving at the same time. His skin was ice cold.

"I don't want to tease you, of course, or say that I said it, but, could it be that you are cold?"

Hemmer straightened up and almost seemed to bristle. "Of course not, that's ridiculous. I am an Aenar, I hardly feel this cold."

Just at that moment, a particularly icy wind brushed against them, making him shiver.

"Mhhh, of course."

Hemmer glanced to the side and she instantly felt bad as she thought she saw shame on his face. She now took his entire face in her hands.

"Hemmer, there's nothing wrong with that. Everybody gets cold sometimes."

"But I shouldn't be cold. I'm an Aenar, these temperatures are nothing compared to Andoria."

"Maybe." Lovingly, she let her finger run over his dominant cheekbone. "However, you must remember that you have spent the last few years on Earth and on starships, all of which are not geared to the normal temperature tolerance of Aenar and Andorians. So it's normal for you to have to get used to it again."

Hesitantly, he looked up. "So you don't think that." He hesitated."... that I am broken?"

She gasped and immediately pressed a kiss to his lips. "Hemmer, don't even think of putting words like that in your mouth. I love you and I don't care if you walk around in sub-zero temperatures in short clothes or suddenly find only desert temperatures comfortable. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me, do you understand that?!"

He nodded hesitantly and she kissed him again. "And that you'll never forget it."

She then let go of him and started twiddling with her scarf, which elicited a frown from Hemmer.

"What are you doing that for?"

"Giving you my scarf." Hemmer protested, however she didn't listen and managed to wrap the piece of fabric around his neck.

"You'll be cold!"

"And you are cold," she countered. He started to protest again, however she pressed her finger to his lips. "Please," she whispered, "let me share my warmth with you."

For a few moments Hemmer held still, looking at her with admiration and love and wonder all at once, before he glanced to the side and pulled her close.

"You are impossible."

"I love you too, Hemmer."

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

@bigblissandlove1

@akamitrani

@moonlightshaiku

@indignantlemur

[homunculus-argument]

I don't know what grandmas are like around the world, but my mother's mother was a very standard central finland grandma - every summer, she would go to the woods to pick wild berries, bring home buckets of them, and make them into jam, loudly complaining of every step of the process, every step of the way. How she doesn't have the time to go pick berries, how her back and her knees hurt from picking berries, how it's such an ordeal to clean and sterilise all these fucking jars, how her feet ache from standing in front of the stove for hours as the jam boils and what a pain it is to ladle the jam into jars and label all the jar lids and how nobody in the family even wants to eat all her jam - she's got 5-7 jars of strawberry jam for each family of her children and grandchildren and everyone's got two or three uneaten jars still in their fridges from last summer, and how all of this is a terrible torture.

As a child I didn't question any part of this activity. My own entire life consisted of being forcibly dragged to places I didn't want to go, to do things I didn't want to do, so I figured that's just what being alive is like for everyone. In my teens I started to get the creeping awareness that actually, most things that adults do are in some level voluntary - even if their options are limited, they're free to choose whatever they want from the choices that are available. No power beyond her control is forcing my grandmother to do any of this. And yet, I still could not understand why she is making herself do something that she clearly hates doing and that nobody else wants her to be doing, either.

Only as an adult I realised that the part of the process that she enjoys is guilt-tripping and complaining. She's not happy unless she's miserable, and making sure that everyone else is miserable, too.

[black-arcana]

Former NIGHTWISH Vocalist ANETTE OLZON Releases Music Video For New Solo Single 'Hear My Song'

Anette Olzon, the former powerhouse vocalist of NIGHTWISH and one half of the dynamic duo behind THE DARK ELEMENT alongside former SONATA ARCTICA guitarist Jani Liimatainen, has released the official music video for her new solo single, "Hear My Song". It is taken from her third solo album, "Rapture", which is being released today (Friday, May 10) via Frontiers Music Srl.

Set to captivate audiences worldwide, "Rapture" promises to deliver an electrifying blend of heavy melodies and soaring vocals that solidify Olzon's esteemed status as one of the premier female voices in the metal genre.

Following in the footsteps of her critically acclaimed second solo album, "Strong", Anette once again teams up with acclaimed Swedish guitarist and producer Magnus Karlsson to craft a musical experience that pushes boundaries and excites the senses. Together, they have curated a collection of songs that showcase Anette's unparalleled vocal range, complemented by Karlsson's masterful riffs and the addition of growls by Johan Husgafvel, adding a dynamic layer to the album's sound.

"Rapture" seamlessly navigates through various musical genres, from symphonic to melodic power metal, with hints of melo-death, while maintaining an irresistibly catchy and melodious essence. Olzon's performance on this album is her most versatile yet, proving her ability to evolve and innovate while staying true to her signature style.

Renowned mixer Jacob Hansen, known for his work with PRETTY MAIDS, VOLBEAT and THE DARK ELEMENT, returns to the fold to ensure that "Rapture" achieves the perfect balance between heaviness and hookiness, resulting in an album that is both impactful and memorable.

"Rapture" is set to unleash its sonic fury upon the world, cementing Olzon's status as a force to be reckoned with in the metal music scene. Prepare to be swept away by the sheer power and beauty of Anette Olzon's "Rapture".

"Rapture" track listing:

01. Heed The Call 02. Rapture 03. Day Of Wrath 04. Requiem 05. Arise 06. Take A Stand 07. Cast Evil Out 08. Greedy World 09. Hear My Song 10. Head Up High 11. We Search For Peace

Recording linup:

Anette Olzon - Vocals Magnus Karlsson - Guitar, Bass, Keyboards Anders Köllerfors - Drums Johan Husgafvel - Growls

The Swedish-born singer originally joined NIGHTWISH in 2007 and recorded two studio LPs with the band before being dismissed in 2012 in the middle of the group's North American tour. She was replaced by former AFTER FOREVER frontwoman Floor Jansen.

Olzon reflected on her time with NIGHTWISH in a 2021 interview with Finland's Chaoszine. Asked how she looks back on the entire five-year experience, she said: "Well, it's mixed emotions. It was a hell of a ride. You know how it was with the media in Finland. And for me, I didn't understand what was happening because I didn't know how big the band was, since I don't live in Finland. So it was really fun the first years with everything and also crazy. I wasn't home a lot. They did their heaviest touring when I joined. All of a sudden, they wanted to do so many long weeks [on the road]. I remember just that I had a five-year-old son [and] I came home after five weeks. I was home one week. I didn't almost have time to unpack my bags before I went off again for four weeks. So I don't remember everything, to be honest. There are so many things that I don't remember. And also, of course, the last years where it wasn't such a nice atmosphere between us. And I had my third child, and things happened.

"So I remember it both with really happy, happy feelings, but also with very, very negative and sad feelings," she explained. "But, of course, it was an amazing experience, and it was my dream that came true to be a full-time singer in an amazing big band. And they are a super-good band. So I bless the albums that we did and will always cherish that time, of course."

Not long after Olzon was fired from NIGHTWISH 11 years ago, she claimed that an argument arose between her and NIGHTWISH when she asked for an Australian tour to be postponed during her pregnancy. Keyboardist Tuomas Holopainen suggested that Jansen should front the band on a temporary basis, but Olzon said no.

Anette explained in a 2014 interview: "I would have been too pregnant to go to Australia, so I wanted to push the dates back, but Tuomas didn't want that. Discussions about a substitute came up, and at first, I was, like, 'Yeah, well, okay.' But when they mentioned Floor, it was an automatic 'no' from me. I didn't think it was a good idea, because I knew what would happen — I knew the fans would love Floor, because she's a metal singer and I'm a pop singer, and I wanted to keep my job."

A year after NIGHTWISH fired Olzon, the band released a statement denying that she was dismissed because of pregnancy or illness. "We discovered her personality didn't fit this work community, and was even detrimental to it," the group said. NIGHTWISH went on to say that Anette was initially receptive to the idea of hiring a temporary replacement if she couldn't "manage everything," but that she later "took back her decision, and the difficulties really started. Fear of losing money and position seemed obvious." The band also insisted that "Anette and her company" were "paid a fifth of everything that was done during her time" with NIGHTWISH.

Since the end of her stint with NIGHTWISH, Olzon also formed THE DARK ELEMENT with Liimatainen. The group's self-titled debut album was released in 2017; a follow-up, "Songs The Night Sings", came out in 2019.

Olzon and noted progressive metal vocalist Russell Allen (SYMPHONY X, ADRENALINE MOB) released a collaborative album titled "Worlds Apart" in March 2020 via Frontiers Music Srl. The project was issued under the moniker ALLEN/OLZON. A follow-up album, "Army Of Dreamers", arrived in 2022.

[sassy-bi-latina]

I know Finland was the fans' favorite, do not understand how Sweden won *cough* *cough* ABBA's 50 anniversary

In all seriousness, I won't deny Loreen's talent, she's a great singer, she has an amazing voice. That was true in 2012 and that is still true now, in 2023. HOWEVER, that being said, I don't think her song deserved to win. I didn't like neither of the times she sang it today, felt like it was missing something.

This long ass paragraph just to say

ALESSANDRA WAS MY CLEAR WINNER

If she didn't win Finland was a better option than Sweden. Sorry not sorry

I mean, a couple songs were a better option. But at least Finland brought so much joy to the people.

[niuniente]

hi niu. sorry to impose on you but you're someone i greatly admire and i know you to be a kind and generous soul so maybe you can give me some advice? one of my dreams in life is learning different languages but i have struggled for years with being consistent about it, so i've gotten almost nowhere. i keep wondering how fluent i might be by now if i didn't keep giving up. do you have any tips for sticking with language learning? is my dream possible or should i just give up for good?

I can quote you a wonderful person Ryo Umeda, who I had a chance to work with recently. Ryo is Japanese man living in Finland. He has studied 15 different languages, being fluent in 5 of them. He also teaches Japanese.

Umeda's tips for learning any language was that the target language should always be present in your daily life. Maybe leave your study book open on the living room table and eye it through occasionally. Maybe do one practice from it, when you feel like it. Read the language and listen to it, even if you didn't understand a single word. Have news or podcasts or TV series run on the background with the target language. Immerse yourself very effortlessly and softly to the language. Play games with your target language, read comics, fics, write a diary, keep social media in your target language. Put subtitles or dup on your target language. Learn a new word daily, or weekly. Anything you want. You need to get familiar and comfortable with the language and that happens by being in its presence - even if you didn't understand it.

He also recommended that it is the best to study 15 minutes a day than 1,5h in one go (15 mins daily = 1,5h). Of course, once you get into difficult grammar, you need to pay a bit more effort to that than the daily 15 minutes but overall, the journey to your language should be very easy. 15 minutes is better than nothing - and hey, it can be 15 minutes of just listening to a news report or watching a video!

I stumbled across a Youtube video of a woman who also studies and speaks multiple languages and supports the effortless studying method. She was studying French. She said that while she has a breakfast, she always watches news or interviews in French, even when she doesn't understand much anything yet. She also reads daily a book of her choice and she said she can understand only 20% of what's going on but it's OK. It doesn't matter how much you understand but that you dive into the language. I've done this same by listening to Japanese drama novels and little by little you just catch new things.

This is the reason why we learn foreign languages the best at the language's home country because we're daily surrounded by the language. For 24/7.

And, most important message from Umeda - if learning a language is too much, you can quit. The language isn't going anywhere. It will wait :3