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luimagines · 9 months ago

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Honor Among Gods

Ok. This is another purely indulgent thing.

Those who've been here a while would remember that there was once a character named Hesper. She is a demigod, daughter of Nyx.

My good friend @thesoftieanon made her and well... We went wild.

I'm not kidding. This is over 20 pages long. And I'm posting it not only to share one of my favorite short stories I've cowritten with someone since making this blog, but this is here for me because the formatting makes it easier to reread. XD

This is a universe where Hesper got paired with The Fierce Deity. It is naturally written in his point of view. Enjoy.

Masterlist

Content under the cut!

When he was able to open his eyes again, he was undeterred by the sight of monsters and battle. He got right to work to take care of the problem, knowing that his host was desperate at best to eliminate these pests.

These monsters were stronger than he knew his host could handle. It didn’t take a genius to conclude this was why his help was required.

The boys around him were familiar forces at this point. He could feel them from a distance but now he had faces to the forces he could only remotely feel.

Except for one.

A young woman traveled with them at this point. She fought valiantly, growling back at the beast in front of her. She fought like none other he had ever seen before. She wore dark clothing and nearly rivaled his own height without the restrictions of his host. He couldn’t see her face from the cloth that covered every part of her body.

There was an energy about her. Something that called for his respect and devotion. She was nowhere near as overbearing as the Great Ones, but surely, unmistakingly one of them.

He was so distracted by the sight of someone new and different, that the monster, despite bleeding profusely from multiple gashes across its body, proceeded to knock her off her feet and drive its weapon into her shoulder.

The Fierce Deity sprang into action and body-slammed the creature without a second thought, finishing the beast with a solid swipe to the neck. He turned and pulled the weapon out of the girl. In retrospect, he should have been more gentle. He regrets his rash actions immediately.

She yells in pain but it gets stuck in her throat at the sight of him towering above her. His own breath gets stuck in her throat. She surely belongs among the Great Ones. Her eyes are filled with innumerable stars. There’s a depth and alluring presence to them. He’d dare to stare for longer had another cry of anguish not catch his attention.

The battle continues to rage on around him and his work is still needed.

The Fierce Deity continues to fight, leaving the young goddess behind. As the fight comes to a close, his host removes him once more and he has returned to the world of darkness around him. As darkness falls on the outside world, his host rests for the day. It is here that the old god decides to ask about the maiden from before.

“Hero.” He calls into the mind of his chosen.

He feels the body wither and groan in response. Exhaustion plagues his mind and body heavily, but his curiosity runs deeper than the needs of mortals. “Yes?”

“Tell me about the Great One’s kin.” He says, because he’s not entirely sure if she herself is one of the Great Ones or merely a Lesser One. He is sure, however, about her status among mortals is not one and the same.

“The what?” The once boy replies.

“The young woman.” He feels himself growing impatient. Who else could he be possibly talking about other than one of the most breathtaking individuals he has ever seen among the sixteen realms?

His host groans once more. Vaguely, the cursed one can feel the sluggish mind of his host put the dots together to whom he may be talking about. “Woman…. Hesper? Are you talking about Hesper?”

A soothing balm covers his irritation in an instant. He hums and echoes the name pleasantly. “Hesper. So that is her name… Divine, indeed. Tell me more.”

“No.”

“Boy-”

“No. It’s three in the morning. I am trying to sleep.”

That does not dissuade the old god.

It takes the course of multiple days, but the Fierce Deity eventually gleans information about the girl and her kin. She is from a distant realm beyond their borders of reality. She is in fact a daughter of the Great Ones- but of her own realm. There appear to be many Great Ones where she is from. She is a daughter of a goddess named Nyx- a goddess and personification of night, and mother to many monsters and other Great Ones.

However, Hesper herself is not a Great One, much to his disappointment and displeasure. She is half-mortal. There are many like her in her realm. Such one travels with the group as well. A young boy no older than seven. The Deity is told that the boy cannot speak with his tongue and rather uses his hands much like another boy he used to know. He is the opposite of his half-sister. She is dark and of the night. The boy is bright and of the day. To his knowledge, the boy was abandoned by his mother for not sticking to the code of her other children.

The Fierce Deity feels an indignant twitch in his eye once he is told but he cannot speak against such ones for his own sake. Hesper, however, does not seem to mind. The boy, named Sol, is very much her kin and responsibility.

When asked about her attire, the Deity was told that Hesper was born with a curse and natural susceptibility to sunlight. She cannot be touched by it or she will suffer.

Knowing all of this only causes the old god to want to know more about her.

Those eyes that he stared into haunt with every waking second. And for an immortal being without any need for rest, he has a lot of time on his hands to think of her. Should it come to it, he would fight by her side. He would devote himself to her. He would be her sword and her shield so she wouldn’t ever have to come near danger ever again. He cannot bear the thought of such a wondrous creature falling in the path of another blade. He still remembers her scream of pain. It is maddening.

Curiously, one day, the young boy Sol finds him among the hidden weapons and masks belonging to his host. The Fierce Deity is vaguely aware of the boy’s spirit. He is energetic and flighty- prone to joking with seemingly never-ending mischievous intentions.

He picks up the mask and studies him. The god doesn’t know of the boy’s intentions with his prison but he wonders how he passes the guard of his host. This is not a normal occurrence.

The boy drops the mask and something falls on top of it- cracking the visage.

The chains rattle around him and the Fierce Deity can feel the power of the prison slipping away as the seconds pass. It takes only a moment for him to find the weakest link and strike through it.

He is free.

His body forms from under the rubble and the boy stares up at him with what can only describe as shock and awe. It appears that while he dropped the mask, many things fell over as well, falling on top of the mask to strike just where it needed to. A lucky strike, so to speak.

His old host stands next to the boy, equally shocked and on edge. Any words he may have intended to say to the youngest die on his tongue once his eyes land on his imposing figure. His old host is no longer the boy he once knew. Pride swells up in him to see the man he has grown into. But neither of them are the one he wishes to see the most right now.

As if summoned by the commotion, Hesper herself comes from the woodwork, instantly b-lining for her young brother.

As soon as she nears, the deity drops to his knee, bowing toward the daughter of night.

She freezes at the sight of him, looking between him and his former host. She takes a step back. Hesper clears her throat and looks away from him. “... Is this normal?”

The Fierce Deity is unfamiliar with the emotions causing his heart to race but he knows that she is worthy of the honor and respect he gives her. “All others shield themselves from the morning sun- yet it is the starlight’s beauty that gains the admiration of mere men. I finally understand where they meet their folly."

Her jaw falls softly. Although it is covered by the cloth to shield her from the afternoon rays, he can see the shock drape over her face. She spins around, trying to find some sort of response to his words but no one is able to help her. She gulps. “I… thank you?”

His former host gains his sense of self first. He walks toward the two of them, putting himself in between. “Hesper, I’d like to apologize on his behalf-”

“Do not apologize for me.” The Deity growls. “I’ve waited for millennia. I refuse to wait any longer.”

"Millennia for what?? You- who are you?" Hesper blinks, completely perplexed. She then squints, recalling a time she'd gotten messed up on the battlefield no less than a week ago. "Wait... it's you. The deit- why are you bowing to me?"

Her recognition of him is exciting. The Fierce Deity straightens in his pose, keeping his knee firmly on the first floor. "Because you are the most exquisite jewel among mortal men."

Hesper gulps again, taking another step back. A hand raises, and a finger points towards her as if to question if he’s truly talking about her. As if he’d say that about anyone else. It’s a soft look. Her eyes widen, and a blush peeks out from under her mask. "W... what?"

"You are a daughter of the night." He says easily. "The jewels of the heavens are your birthright. And I am forever at your beck and call, my queen."

The Fierce Deity is too taken by the young woman in front of him to notice that the camp has gone silent. They are watching the interaction with intense interest. Sol looks around the group, not quite understanding what is transpiring.

Time’s jaw has dropped as well. Something compels him to attempt to regain control over the situation. Before he can act, however, Sol tugs on his sleeve. He signs. ‘Is he bad? Like the gods at home?’

Time sighs and shakes his head. "Yes and no. But I think you and your sister are safe."

‘Okay... why is he saying all that stuff about Hesper?’ Sol lights up suddenly. ‘Does he like her?? Is that what he meant by jewel?’

Time is fighting back the second-hand embarrassment as much as he can. "It appears soooo… He's always been more on the poetic side of prose."

He is not going to tell Sol that FD tried to farm him for information about his sister.

‘Oh, I see! Well, hopefully he doesn't just like her for her power, she hates that.’ Sol turns just in time to make eye contact with FD and waves with a grin.

The Fierce Deity smiles back in kind, making even Time take a step back. He waves and beckons the small child closer.

Sol runs up, no hesitation, and Hesper tenses. ‘Hi, I'm Sol! You like my big sister, huh?’

The old god’s face softens at the sign. The boy looks a lot like Link did when he was little. He reaches out to ruffle the hair of the younger one. "I've been bewitched by her splendor, little one. There is little who can compare. Are you the protector of this maiden?"

‘Yeah! If you wanna date my sister, you can't just use fancy words! You gotta pass my test!’

"Ah, Sol-" Hesper starts, alarmed.

The Fierce Deity grins. "Of course! A maiden of her caliber cannot be won alone by fanciful speech."

He reaches over, picking him up effortlessly and puts him on his shoulders. "Tell me, child, what quest is in need of pursuing?"

Sol grins back. ‘Well, to start, what do you like about her? Is she just a jewel to you?’

Hesper keeps her hand against her heart, watching the interaction with bated breath and a hand on a blade. Her heart is pounding in her chest.

"A jewel is more than its shine and splendor." He says easily, holding his hand out for her to take as he makes his way into the middle of the camp. It wouldn't look well on his part to leave her behind, now would it.

"I was enamored by her wit." He admits. "And her fortitude."

Hesper takes it after he says that, keeping the other readily on her blade.

‘Fortitude? What's that mean? Sounds cool!’ Sol, however, is unbothered by this hulking man, singing the praises of his older sister. He is very quickly gaining his approval.

"It means to take courage despite the pain." The old god whispers, looking at her reaction. There's no mistaking that he's smitten with her. Something that the rest of the group are quick to clue in on.

As well as the young woman. Despite her unwillingness to instantly trust this man, his face speaks of nothing but genuine emotion and intention. Does… he truly mean what he says?

The grip on her blade loosens.

Sol keeps signing. ‘Wow, you know her really well! How long have you been in love with her?’

"Sol!" Time cuts him off, mortified on Hesper's behalf. "I think that's a conversation for them to have."

"No way, this is getting good!" Legend waves him off.

Time pinches the bridge of his nose. "You're all horrible."

Sol tilts his head. ‘I'm just saying! He's obviously known her for a while, but she doesn't know him at all!’

"That's... why it should be a conversation between us." Hesper says quietly.

‘Oh? So you're okay with him?’

"... For now." She decides, releasing her blade entirely.

‘Okay! Good job, you passed for now!’

Even more pride swells within the chest of the deity. He finds himself standing straighter and smiles at the young boy on his shoulders. He feels as if he is beaming. “My many thanks.”

Sol clambers off him to go play with Wind, leaving his sister behind and thoroughly embarrassed. The deity watches his interest. He’s admittedly always had a soft spot for little ones.

Hesper on the other hand has succumbed to her embarrassment, covering her face with one of her hands. Her voice is quiet and strained. A mere squeak of its usual glory. “Oh my gods…”

The Fierce Deity sees no problem with this. He turns to her once again, bending at his knee with his head down. "My queen."

He awaits her direction.

"Ah- you don't have to bow, standing or sitting or- whatever you want to do is fine!" Hesper puts her hands out in an attempt to stop him from showing the proper respect she deserves. He does not understand why she attempts this. He can only assume that she's not used to this kind of treatment. Although he cannot imagine why.

Something about that level of innocence ignites his wicked streak. He smirks a bit. "And if I want to do this?"

"For crying out loud, don't make it harder on the poor girl." Time groans.

"... That's fine." Hesper barely manages to squeak out. She can't look at him. The deity hadn’t even thought it was possible for her to appear bashful. It’s an endearing look on her.

The Fierce Deity reaches out, brushing a bit of hair out of her face. "Beautiful... What a lovely shade you don, dearest.”

"I-I'm going to patrol-!" Hesper yells, taking a step back into the shadows and disappearing in a blink of an eye.

He blinks as he stares into the space where she once had been. Shadow travel? Exquisite. Is there anything she isn’t capable of? Curse aside, of course.

"Awwww..." Sky pouts. "She left before it got good."

Time is internally screaming. This has already gotten out of hand. He can't do anything to reel him in and he knows it.

Hesper is on her own, he decides. Which is unfortunate for her, but entertaining for everyone else.

Sol somehow has the sense to sign 'Hey mister, I think you overdid it.'

Wind nods along with him. "She's not used to compliments, take it from me. I called her pretty once and she hid her face again!"

The Fierce Deity frowns. "Is there such a thing? How could she not get compliments? She's one of a kind. A daughter of the Great One.... does she not have suitors?"

Sol shakes his head. 'Everyone back home thinks she's scary... at least that's what she said.’

Wind slowly nods along, wincing.

The old god glares in the space beyond the group. "Unacceptable.”

'I mean they're scared of Momma too, but I dunno why.' Sol shrugs. 'They're not scared of me.'

Sol does not understand that many fear such creatures of the night no matter what their size or shape. Their intentions and actions do not matter to the creatures of the day. However, that is of little excuse. The Fierce Deity doesn’t understand it either.

"Cowards."

The old god takes a deep breath.

Sol shrugs and goes back to playing with Wind.

It isn’t long until Sol returns and all but tackles the deity. ‘I have a question.’

“And what is it you intend to ask, little one?” The Deity turns to look at the young boy. He allows him to crawl over him, digging into his sides and his armor to perch himself over his shoulder.

‘Are you going to marry my sister?’

“If she’ll have me.”

Sol nods sagely. ’You’ll need an apple.’

“An apple?” Another thing the deity does not understand. “Is such a thing required for the hand of maidens where you’re from?”

Sol nods once again, more enthusiastically. ‘You have to throw it to her. If she catches it, she’ll marry you.’

The Fierce Deity remembers this and allows the child to get off of him as he returns to playing around with the other boys. He knows he must win over the young woman first but such knowledge is useful for the future.

Hesper doesn’t return until the break of twilight. The Fierce Deity had been attending and entertaining the younger ones when Sol had all but collapsed against him. Hesper collects the child without missing a beat and prepares his bedroll in a moment.

The old god is panicking on the inside but he's outwardly looking confused. "...I wasn't aware he was that thoroughly exhausted."

"He's not. It's his curse." Hesper picks up her brother's body, which appears limp and lifeless. "He can only be active in the light of day. No light; it's like he's dead. But he's just sleeping."

The Fierce Deity shudders at the thought, but it's quickly replaced by thinly veiled rage. "Who would dare put a curse on a child?"

"The gods of our world." Hesper says it so calmly... and then she looks at him. "They're afraid of what we'd do without them there."

"Well as I recall, they're not here." He growls. "Can this be undone?"

"It took a god to do it, so I'd imagine it'd take a god to undo it." Hesper goes through the routine of putting Sol to bed; arms over his blanket so he'll wake sooner in the morning. "Nothing else I've tried has worked, anyways."

The old god stares after the sleeping child.

"...A god you say..." He whispers, running his hands over Sol's bangs. He takes a knee once more and bows his head toward the young woman. "Is that all there is to it?”

"... It was the king of the gods who did it." The word 'king' is bitter on her tongue. "His word overpowers all others in our world. I know most of you are god slayers, so that might not even matter, but... be careful."

The Fierce Deity hums; already aware such things would come with a price and gently puts the back of his finger on Sol's cheek. The child is cold.

Something is stirred within him. Ancient. Primal.

"I'll find a way."

"I know. I could see you thinking about it as soon as I mentioned gods." Hesper sighs, already cluing in to the fact she can't sway him. Still, she makes him look at her. "I mean it, though. Find your way if you want, but don't be reckless. Please."

The Fierce Deity stills- the storm in his mind clearing as she pulls him from his thoughts. Her hands. They're on him. She's touching him. Willingly.

He backs down to step to her level.

"Yes... As you wish, Jewel." He whispers, unable to deny the look in her eye. His heart is pounding in his chest. What is this feeling?

"Thank you." She nods, checks on Sol one last time, then makes her way around the camp, checking in on the boys and seeing them off to bed.

... She can't believe she did that.

He can't believe she just did that.

He could have touched her back. He could have held her. He could have held her hand. He could have felt her skin and its warmth, its tone, its smooth silk-like quality.

A rare creature- both alluring and captivating. To humble him. To excite him.

He's never felt like a man until this point.

His eyes follow her as she moves through the camp.

This child means the world to her.

He'll protect them for the night.

Hesper looks back at him after a moment- Time does as well.

"Will you be sleeping?" She asks their shared question. She isn't sure if he needs sleep, but it never hurts to ask.

It takes a moment for the deity to register that she was speaking to him. When it hits he looks ashamed of not answering her sooner.

"No." He says. "You may rest for tonight. I have no plans for slumber."

She nods, then says goodnight to Time, returning to her brother's side. Instead of lying on a bedroll, she leans against the tree by his head, just shy of the deity's reach. If she’s sleeping, she’s in no hurry to do so.

The temptation the deity didn't know he'd have to restrain. He steadies himself to look away from her and the child, looking instead to the rest of the group and beyond.

He could do it. He could give in to everything he desires.

But she ran from mere words.

He would never live down pushing her away. So he sits still. Like a statue.

And behaves himself.

Even if he allows himself to fantasize in the meantime.

Hesper, for her part, glances at him, out of the corner of her eye.

He's really not that bad, she's decided. He's just... not used to people, she thinks. Yeah... not used to people. That made two of them, really.

She looks back into the forest, letting out a quiet sigh. Part of her is nervous. The last time someone took an interest in her, it was… It went bad, to say the least. She doesn't want that again.

But so far he seemed good. ...Overwhelming on the compliments, but good.

Oh gosh, the compliments. How could someone find that much to compliment her on? And not one thing about her power.

Courage.

Of course that's what he liked.

... It was cute, in a way. He's... he's pretty cute.

She'll admit that to herself. She can allow that.

She’s smiling a little when she nods off.

Seeing the faint smile on her face puts the deity a little more at ease. Time explains to the others (as they all tuck themselves in for the night) that they have nothing to fear from the old god and with time, they all turn in for the night as well and sleep peacefully.

Time gives one last glance at the large male before he also puts his head against his bed roll. The deity has seen him grow from boy to man- his old host has done much for him. The main one being his restraint- or rather- his desire to not abuse his power while he was imprisoned.

He will look after all of them. All of them. These young heroes of courage deserve to worry less about their journeys.

But as for Hesper...

He looks back to the child beside her.

The Fierce Deity vows that he will take care of that one, especially.

Hours pass and Hesper wakes with a start, as usual.

Dawn is coming. She checks to ensure she's properly covered, then gets up to check around the camp. She's so into her usual routine she forgets there's now a deity for a moment until she sees him.

"... Oh. Morning."

The Fierce Deity has already checked the perimeter and has returned from his second round. He bows to her. "Good dawn, Jewel."

She huffs in amusement. "You know, I’m not sure how I'm supposed to address you. Do you have a name or title you want us to use?"

Here, his cool confidence falters.

"I am known as the Fierce Deity. A war god. Protector of Termina......Cursed by the goddess to the form of a mask....and.... I have no other name."

"No other... ?" Hesper's eyes show she's frowning. "That's... horrible. I'm sorry to hear that."

The Deity flushes. "Gods of no honor receive none."

Demise is a name the Hylians gave him but he is known as The Demise. Or The Void. Titles are given when they have either fulfilled or gained their intended purpose. In which they are shortly after disposed of in one way or another.

Demise didn't approve of that and sought vengeance.

The deity himself fought back and was cursed.

But he was never meant to be loved. So he has no name. He knows this.

"I have accepted this."

"You have more honor than any god I know." She blurts. She's... surprised by how quickly it comes out. But she keeps going. "You... you deserve a name.”

His head snaps up to meet her head-on. "... I wouldn't dare… presume...."

"What name would you want? If... if you had one." It's not fair, Hesper laments in her heart. He should have one. Screw the regulations. He's done so much, for so long. She can see it on his face. He's earned a name. She'll name him herself if no one else will.

The deity looks to the ground. No one had ever asked him that before. He didn't think it would have been worth considering.

He looks at the boys. They all share the same name. It would be strange to take it for himself.

He frowns, feeling frustrated for not being able to give his queen an adequate answer. "I never gave it much thought. It was never of importance. I don't... I don't know..."

"That's okay." She assures him. "I... you don't have to take it if you don't like it, but... what about Thárros? It's... it's in my mother tongue, but... it means Courage."

"Thárros..." The name rolls off his tongue smoothly.

"Hesper..." He says her name for comparison. Frankly, he finds that her name is much sweeter on his tongue. But the note that the first name was chosen by his queen, in her maiden tongue no less, fills him with an indecipherable warmth. He's never been exposed to this sort of warmth before. He takes ahold of it.

"Thárros." He echoes himself. "You may call me that. If you desire, Jewel."

Her eyes crinkle, glimmering a little, and she nods. "I will. It's a pleasure to meet you, Thárros. And... you can call me Hesper, if you want. But Jewel's fine, too."

Dawn peeks over the horizon, and Hesper steps into the shade. The light makes contact with Sol's arm and a moment later he opens his eyes, once again full of life as he sits up and yawns. 'Morning...'

Wild sits up in another part of camp, going to make breakfast.

Thárros lets it rumble around his brain. It's a nice name. He smiles, smiling wider when Sol awakens. "Good morning, little one."

Time and Warrior both wake up soon after, getting ready for the day as well. They both send him nods of acknowledgement. He returns them with ease.

'Morning, Mister. How'd you sleep?' He yawns again, still not enough sunlight in his system yet. 'Oh! Did Hesper miss the sun today?'

"Yes, Sol, I'm over here." Hesper answers the last part for him.

"Miss the sun?" The Fierce Deity, now known as Thárros, looks over and tilts his head. Strange. But she is of the night.

"I didn't sleep." He responds to the child's earlier question. "I have no need for it."

'Oh, that’s cool. Yeah, Hesper wears so much clothes because she's allergic to the sun. It'll hurt her really bad if it touches her skin, so I always check.' Sol signs his understanding, but it doesn't take too much to decipher Sol processes Hesper's curse as an allergy. 'She’s only not missed it once, though, she's really good about it.'

Something in the old god’s heart breaks. That’s right, they’re both cursed. Forever shunned from either side of the day. How can they remain a family this way?

He nods in understanding, ruffling Sol’s hair in the process. "She must cherish you greatly. It's good that you look after her the way you do."

He'll break her curse too. He swears by this as well.

'Uh huh, we're really close! Even if she can't run around and play tag with Wind and I around camp, she's really good at hide and seek in the forest! She'll find me, sneak under my feet and toss me in the air! It's super fun! ' As the sun keeps rising, he gains more energy and signs faster. 'And we'll sit close during meals and after dinner we'll make up stories if I'm not playing with Wind and she taught me how to use a dagger and sneak and-!'

"Breakfast is ready!"

'Oo, breakfast! I'll be back with a plate for you, sis!' And off he runs.

Hesper laughs. "Ever the energetic one~"

Thárros shakes his head. "Most are at his age."

He then points to his old host, who's too busy trying to give out the food in an organized manner. "He was just as bad, if not worse."

Hesper chuckles. "I believe it. Though I'm willing to bet Sol can be energetic much longer than he ever was."

He hums. "....No. Not quite. The boy would stay awake for days on end. Never ceasing his quest for justice… I'm afraid Sol could not have done the same. Not with the curse upon him."

"Oh, I almost forgot he was a child hero." Hesper sighs. "I can't stand those... why must they fight so young?"

"Why indeed?" Thárros’ hand flexes over his knee. "I suppose the heroes all have their own curses to bear... It is the same with your Great Ones."

Well, I wouldn’t call them all great. Not when they treat the world as some toy they can toss away when it bores them." The glint in her eyes darkens briefly, then she looks up as her brother starts running back. "... Don’t tell Sol I said that."

The deity nods, even further fascinated by the woman next to him.

"I am not allowed to call The Great Ones anything but." He murmurs. "But it appears we aren't as different as I originally thought."

"Is that so? I suppose I should be nicer to them, but... well, I'm only nice to the gods I respect. Outside my family, that's just you." Hesper smiles as Sol reaches them, offering food. "Oh, I see you have three plates. You got one for Thárros too?"

Sol makes the connection quickly and nods, offering the deity a plate. He does not question the name.

Thárros subtly smiles and eases the weight off of the little one. "Thank you."

The deity begins to eat the strange meal. He's never had someone cook for him before either. He wasn't entirely sure he needed to eat. But the smell was kind and the other took no heed in questioning the methods behind it.

He takes a bite.

'You're welcome!' Sol plops down, separating the best slice of meat from the rest of his meal and eating the rest. Notably, Hesper does the same.

Naturally, the deity notices this, but he doesn't understand. There's many customs he hasn't needed to learn and so he has no reason to believe that it's anything strange to do. Not to mention they grew up with separate Great Ones to dictate the manner of conduct.

He makes no comment on it and simply eats like he's seen his old host do.

They both finish except for that one piece, and Sol turns to get Hesper's plate, sliding her remaining portion onto his. He walks over to the fire and scrapes them both in, signing 'For Mama.'

"... Nyx and Thárros." Hesper murmurs quietly.

Sol goes about collecting plates and helping them get clean while Hesper starts packing up.

That takes him by surprise.

An offering?

For him, no less.

If it was for their mother, he would understand more but for him? He's a lesser god. An ant of a divine being. He's no better than they are. Why would they offer something to him?

They pack up relatively quickly and make their way through the forest once more. He stays close to the back of the group, keeping quiet to not disturb the others as much as he can avoid. It appears Hesper is of the same train of thought, although she still isn’t quite sure what to make of him.

Hours turn to days turn to weeks turn to months. They are no better off finding the cure to their problem than he is finding the cure to the curses of the divine ones within the group.

The lack of progress is maddening. Thárros, as he is slowly beginning to grow accustomed to being called, has always considered himself a man of action and of results. To have nowhere to begin and no direction to follow is not in his nature.

However, that does not stop him from doting on Hesper whenever he has the time. And should the boys permit it, Sol takes it upon himself to use his body as his personal climbing gym. It warms Thárros’ heart that the boy is so welcoming of his presence. Link as a child was curious and desperate at best, but still wary.

It is a moment where he finds himself alone on patrol that he feels something shift in the air. He instantly puts his hand on the hilt of his blade. It is the middle of the day and he is in a clearing. Only someone foolish enough to not know who he is would threaten him here.

"... You're Thárros, yes? My sister speaks fondly of you."

The man spins on his heel, coming face to face with a woman he has never seen before but his confidence is shaken. A Great One. Her power is beyond his own. She stands as the dawning sun. Warm and giving, hopeful to a fault but dim. She does not stand in the direct light but she glows in the way a divine being can. He knows not who she is but respect has always been given until taken away.

His battle mask comes on.

He nods to her, bowing for good measure. "I am quite fond of her as well. May I ask of your name, Great One?"

"Yes, I can see it." Her smile is warm towards him, much like Hesper's. “I am called Hemera, goddess of the dawn and giver of days. Your loyalty to my sister is clear... You even wish to break the curse on her, from what I hear. I believe I can help with that."

Thárros' attention snaps to her. He takes a step closer despite his better judgment. "How?"

"I have crafted a bracelet for her... with it, she can walk in whichever light she wishes." She produces the item, offering it to him. "All it needs now is the touch of a deity from this world to be finished. I trust you wouldn't mind?"

He drops to take a knee. "It would be my greatest honor.”

Hemera is pleased. "Yes... you two are indeed a good match, just as I thought. May you live long lives together."

He nods, tenderly biting his lip from the inside. He cannot show weakness. He cannot fail.

It's never been this easy before. Truly there isn't any other catch to this.

Hemera presses the bracelet into his hand with a nod and a smile. It gains a shimmer to it; so quick it almost didn't seem real.

"I'll leave you to it, then." She stands and turns to leave. "... Thank you, Thárros. To you and your boys; for taking care of them when we can't."

He looks down into his palm and tucks the bracelet into his chest. Should he push his luck?

"And the boy?" He asks tentatively. "The child is cursed as well… Is that your domain? Can you help?"

Hemera looks sad at that. "I would help Sol if I could, but... we are both at the mercy of night. I'm afraid I can't help him."

Thárros stands. "...Is there a Great One who could?"

He refuses to only have one solution. He had promised Hesper to help her little brother. He has to push a bit further to make headway on his vows.

Hemera thinks about it. "... My father might. Erebus, the darkness itself. But... he has no love for either of them. He will not give you a solution as freely."

He nods; body rigid with pure determination. "I am willing to pay any price for either of them."

"Careful what you vow, Thárros." Hemera warns. "I have no doubt he'll use it against you if he can. ... Good luck on your quest. I hope you can free him."

His grip on the bracelet tightens. "I'm well aware."

He sees her off and looks back to the token in his hands.

He knows the Great One would rather have him sacrifice himself. But he was already imprisoned once. Worse case scenario he must cease to exist.

For Hesper?

He'd take that plunge.

His world has long grown out of a use for him and the Great Ones above him care not for his fate.

He'd do anything.

Thárros returns to camp quickly. He finds Hesper relatively quickly. She had fallen asleep in the shade of a great oak, a rare break she has given herself. He kneels beside her and regrettably shakes her shoulder gently. She rests so few and far between… but this, he feels, is beyond a moment of reprieve.

Hesper's eyes open and she stretches, grunting.

Not her most comfortable sleep, but better than none at all.

"Good dawn, Thárros." She’s started keying in when he's around, but she still blinks twice when she realizes he's closer than she thought. "... Did something happen?"

He bows toward her again. "I've had a visitor, Jewel."

He keeps his head low, waiting for her reaction. "A Great One by the name of Hemera."

"Hemera was here?" There’s a lightness to her tone; delight at hearing about her sister. "I didn't think she could get here. How is she? Just checking in?"

He smiles at her tone. There's trust there. He visibly relaxes. "Yes. She brought a gift."

"A gift?" Hesper chuckles. "For you or Sol?"

"For you." He whispers, bringing the bracelet into the light.

She pauses, not expecting that.

"... For me?" She reaches out, fingers just grazing the bracelet before she draws them back with a gasp. "What- what kind of magic is that? It's so warm."

"A protection." He urges her to take it. "From the light, Jewel."

He gulps, beginning to second-guess himself. The feelings he's never experienced until he met this woman scare him. "It cures your curse."

She looks at him. In disbelief. In shock. But then the stars in her eyes start to shimmer with hope.

Carefully, she takes the bracelet and puts it on. As it clicks around her wrist, it shimmers again, and she can feel the warmth spread through her whole body.

"... I can't believe it." She says softly. "After all this time... I can really..." She looks up from the bracelet, pulling down her mask just as the tears fall. "Thank you."

He panics and reaches to wipe her tears as gently as he can. "Why? Why thank me so? I have yet to help the little one."

Not to mention he can't really take credit for this. If anything, it means they would have gotten help sooner but no one cared enough to offer it. Even those that could.

But she seems overjoyed, so he won't ruin it for her.

"Yes, but you brought my hope back. I was certain-" She decides not to finish that, reaching forward and hugging him tight without a care in the world. "Thank you, Thárros. For caring."

Thárros shivers when she says his name. It's a power she has over him. It's exciting yet humbling.

He gulps, wrapping his arms around her as well. "I will help the child. Thank me not, yet. My work isn't finished."

But he tucks his nose into her hair. "However, I'm glad that you are taken care of."

"One thing down." Hesper exhales in agreement, relaxing against him. He's so warm... She feels safe like this.

Wild coughs, and it gets Hesper's attention. "Uh... good morning? Have a nice nap?"

Hesper goes pink and attempts to slowly pull out of the hug, despite a part of her screaming to just shadow away. "... Good afternoon, Wild."

Thárros doesn't let her go. If anything, he holds on tighter. He calls the young hero his affection-given name. "Good afternoon, Cub."

He turns his head to look at the young man. "Has the meal been prepared?"

"Working on it." The young man replies.

... Hesper is fine. This is comfortable. She's not-

Oh, who is she kidding, her growing appreciation and attraction are so obvious right now! Still, she doesn't move. In fact, she indulges herself and tucks her head in the crook of his neck. If he insists on keeping her here, she'll just get more comfortable.

Thárros nods towards Wild, turning his attention back to the woman in his arms. He holds her close, tucking her against him. He dare not ask for more from her.

He tenderly trails his fingers through her hair. But words fail him.

She tilts her head into his touch, trying to encourage him to continue.

This is nice. She likes this, earlier embarrassment aside. Sol sits up now that the rain clouds have passed, yawning with eyes half open. 'No... wanna go back to sleep...'

Hesper chuckles. "Afternoon, Sol. Did you enjoy your nap as well?"

'Hello. Sleep was ok...' He turns, blinking blearily. '... Your hood is off... Hair pretty. You like it short?'

"Easy to manage, I suppose."

Sol nods slowly, the gears in his brain turning slowly. '... Wait... hood off... no sunburn?'

Hesper shows him her bracelet. "Magic sunblock."

'Magic... sunblock? So you can...' It hits and he perks up. 'You can play tag?'

"Yes." Hesper snorts as Sol stumbles out of bed, running to tackle Wind and get a game started.

The deity chuckles, brushing Hesper's hair away from her face. "How do you feel, Jewel?"

"... Warm." She smiles. "The kind of warmth night can't replicate... it's nice."

"Ack- Sol, what- ... WHAT?!" Wind's shout catches the attention of several other Links, most of them confused and unimpressed. "Guys, Hesper can be in the sun!"

Wild looks up from his pot, blinking, then it clicks that Hesper and Thárros are in the sun and he mouths 'oh'.

The fierce deity smiles, grinning even. But instead of letting the others see it, he hides his face in the crook of her neck. "I'm glad."

He pulls away, teasing a kiss to her cheek. "You shouldn't need to hide from now on."

She giggles, even as her cheeks turn pink. "Aw, but sneaking around is fun!"

The rest of the camp is thrown for a loop; especially Time.

"It's only fun when it's voluntary." He whispers. "I feel as if I'm finally seeing you for the first time."

He pulls back, looking her over now that she can have her face out without any concern. He hums quietly, ignoring the other boys. "Typically the sun would overpower the light of the stars… but dare I say you appear even more bedazzled than usual, Darling."

She flusters more, attempting to pull her mask up. "How? I haven't done anything-"

He stops her, poking her nose with his. "Don't. I'm not done admiring you yet, Jewel."

"F... fine." She accepts her fate, embarrassing as it is. "If you insist..."

Warrior coughs from the sidelines. "I didn't think he had moves."

Time pales. "Honestly.... neither did I."

'Her stars are pretty, so it makes sense he wants to watch them.' Sol grins.

"Stars?" Wind blinks.

'Yeah, Hesper has stars in her eyes!'

"Oh, like how you have the sun-shaped birthmark."

'I think so? Yeah!'

Thárros takes the moment to study her. He finds it fascinating. Her eyes are full and deep and beautiful. His are flat, plain, off-putting.

He kisses her again, on her forehead, unable to hold himself back. Then he moves to her other cheek and her temple. Then onto the other side.

He kisses the tip of her nose and seemingly moves to her lips but pauses.

"Dearest... I would travel through hells for you..." He whispers. "I merely wish for you to be honored as you deserve. Whether it be with me... or another..."

But he's not too fond of the latter idea.

"... You act as if I'd choose someone else." The idea that he even considers that... annoys her. "I've let you this close, haven't I? Isn't it obvious by now, Thárros?"

His grip on her tightens as he goes completely rigid. His jaw clenches and he gulps. "...I'm afraid I am unworthy. For you... your name... your legacy...your family..."

He closes his eyes, brushing his nose against hers, taking her presence in. "I... am a selfish man. But I cannot fault you, should you choose another."

Hesper huffs, warm breath fanning over his face. "Seriously?"

She kisses him, right there, in front of the whole camp.

A choked noise comes out of him, clearly taken off guard.

His hands fly upwards, caging her in and holding her closer. One hand on her cheek, the other entangled in her hair.

He gives in to his desires at last.

Hesper makes a point to kiss him for a long moment, both to prove something and because it felt good to kiss him. When she finally draws back, however, it's softly, and she's cradling his face like he's as precious as he likes to say she is. "... I... choose you. Understand? No one else, Thárros. I love you."

He keeps her close though- not allowing her to be too far away from possibly being kissed again. Thárros gulps and nods. "I have already chosen you… My Love."

The frustration mixed with her look of adoration slips away, and she huffs in amusement. "Good. Glad we're on the same page."

"... Lunch is ready." Wild hesitantly breaks the moment, the first to find his voice in the shocked silence of... everyone.

The one… previously known as The Fierce Deity was overjoyed for the longest time. He was no longer bothered by their lack of progress. To see the Jewel of the Sixteen Realms laugh and play in the sun as she’s always yearned warmed his heart. It seemed as if there was a hole that was filled from that point on, both in Hesper and in Sol.

And to finally kiss her.

It only solidified his determination to help where he was needed. Surely, there would still be battles to fight and a war to win, but this purpose had a higher meaning now.

If he had to lay his existence on the line for the sake of one little boy, he would do so without a second thought. While he would miss his Jewel, and he knew now, that it would pain her for him to leave. If it was called for, he would give. And give and give. She deserved to live happily. She was robbed of the light and of the pleasures of day. And as a consequence, she was robbed of her brother and his childhood.

And her brother deserved to have his big sister by his side to protect him- not to watch him from a distance where she cannot go. Sol should know the wonders of the night and beauty of the stars. It is the realm of his mother and his sister. The darkened skies are a peace to mankind. He should know those as well.

A family must be whole.

He says none of this to Hesper, for fear she should convince him otherwise. But he has never broken a vow before, nor does he plan to begin to do so.

It is once again, when he is alone on patrol that another Great One from the other realm visits him. This time, however, the world shifts around him and Thárros is enveloped in darkness. He sees no body either in front of him or around him.

He need not introduce himself. The darkness speaks to cut to the chase. "Hemera says you wish to break a curse. That requires a test, does it not? Sure you can wield the sword and ‘protect’... but I know your kind. Savage. Rough. Beastly. Prove yourself capable of restraint and maybe I'll help the child."

“Erebus.” The Fierce Deity bows in the darkness. A Great One of the highest regard should be treated as such, no matter how savage he considers them to be. The Great One gives him no such respect in return.

"Do not move from where you stand, boy. What you are going to see has already transpired. Try to help her-" The omnipresent form before Thárros grins wickedly, a smile that promises pain. "And I will send you back to where you came from in failure."

Thárros growls, hate and wrath already burning in his stomach.

The Great One laughs. "This would be interesting to watch. Begin."

The darkness shifts, forming a room. A man stands before him, holding a wailing baby. It's- her arm has been touched by sunlight, smoke curling into the air from the contact. Hesper turns into the man's shadow, melting away and into a darkened corner of the house, still crying. The man gasps.

"What the- what kind of demon are you?!" The man grabs a knife, face twisted in disgust as he starts towards her. "Nevermind that! Go back to wherever you came from, you little devil!"

The man swings towards Hesper and-

The scene changes.

The once Fierce Deity tenses considerably, but makes no move.

She's older now. A man sits with her, a weaker demigod, holding the arm burnt in her childhood and examining the scars it left behind.

"It never healed?"

"Not really." She says softly, pulling her arm back. "That's why I wear the cloak... to protect me from the sun. Until I find something else, at least."

The man nods, something glinting in his eyes. Something dark. "So... it really can kill you."

She doesn't see it, standing from the table. "Yes. That's why I visit at night... I really should go, Lityerses. Hemera is coming soon."

Something crashes to the floor. A mirror, sending shards everywhere.

"Lit?! Are you alri-"

"Hemera." 'Lit' grasps the edge of a curtain. "Is already here."

He rips the curtain down, sunlight flooding the room and reflecting off of all the shards. Hesper screams in pain, retreating to a corner and hiding behind her cloak. "Lit, what are you doing?!"

"I'm sick of you leaving." He pulls down another curtain and another, ignoring her cries for him to stop. "I'm starting to wonder if you even love me."

"I do! Lit, please-!"

"That's not good enough." He pulls down the last curtain, looking at the cloak wrapped so tight he can only see the shape of her. "I don't want you to leave ever again. You're mine, Hesper. Only mine."

Then he took the curtains and left.

Leaving her to sob.

Thárros can feel the need to conjure his sword bubble under the surface of his skin. He studies the face of the man intently, but makes no move from his spot.

The memories with Lit continue. There’s days worth. Months worth. Years worth. Every time he appears through the door, Thárros has to remind himself there's an end to this. Somewhere, eventually, this ends. He stops screaming at her. He stops abusing her. He stops demanding things he has no right to demand. She stops crying.

It takes another year’s worth of memories before he hears a second man. Not Lit. The small form in the corner shifts.

"... Don't." She hisses to the second man. "Don't eat, don't drink. It's a trick."

She flinches as Lit kicks the door, but she keeps going. "He intends to slow you so you can't beat him."

"Beat him in what?" The man replies.

"A harvesting contest!"

"SHUT UP!" A harsher kick, and she goes quiet again. But the man stands.

"Who is she?"

"A foolish woman who can't keep her mouth shut!" Lit throws open the door, intent on getting her, but the second man pulls him back outside.

"You can deal with her after you beat me."

Lit laughs. "Alright, fine! I've never been beat before, I won't start now!"

Thárros felt great satisfaction when Hercules took his head off.

He watched on as the scenes went by faster; near hits, near kills, threats, all while she gained more scars and better equipment to deal with the sun.

Then she was at a camp. A camp full of demigods. She watched them at night, through the shadows of the woods. She protected them, kept the monsters in line.

And she was utterly alone.

They were frightened of her, of her power. They didn't even know her name. They gave her no thanks. No offering.

Did they even know what she did for them?

Even the children of her brother, Hypnos, avoided her.

... And she protected them anyway.

Tharros was glad that he had picked up from the mortals on how to control their emotions. Something he didn't think he had the discipline to learn.

He had gleaned bits and pieces of her past from their conversations, and from what the others would say and from what Sol would say but he never imagined it so vividly.

It was maddening. Blood boiling.

The only thing he could focus on was how he would have changed it all. How he would have made them worship her, how he would have protected her- treated her like the goddess she is. She would have never wanted for anything or would have worked a day in her life.

FD bit his tongue on multiple occasions. The slight metallic tang in his mouth wasn't enough to deter him from calming down. But it did keep him in place. It kept him from moving. It kept him from going to and destroying them all.

He had clenched his fists so hard that he was sure that his nails had pierced his skin.

Hesper would no doubt question him about it later.

But this is for her brother. Her kin. The one she loved so dearly.

The only other to love her as completely as he did.

It was due.

He would not compromise himself or the child.

He would. Not. Move.

"... Hmph." The Great One huffed, breath ruffling his hair. "I commend you, boy. All that pain to your beloved, and still you refuse to move."

Erebus pauses, watching as a black blood throws Hesper to the ground, driving its weapon through her shoulder. The day Thárros first saw her.

Erebus laughs.

"I fail to see what you do in that pitiful wretch, but I will admit, your loyalty is quite amusing."

Instead of feeling more rage at the scene before him, he calms. He is reminded of what he saw in her, why he fell so hard for her.

He’s reminded why he's here.

He ignores the Great One's sting to her. He takes a breath. "It is I who sees it. You need not concern yourself with it. All I endure is so that you keep your end of the bargain."

"... Enough." Erebus scoffs, and it all ends. "You know the rest of it, so I won't bother making you relive it. Your point is made, and your trial passed. As agreed, I will undo what has been done to the boy."

The Fierce Deity only tenses up more, afraid of ruining this. He nods and bows once more (despite his distaste for the Great One in front of him) for good measure. "My thanks."

"Yes yes, be on your way." Erebus grunts, waving him off into the familiar shadows of Hylian forest. It appears that hours have passed since he has left the group. Night has recently fallen. The last simmers of the sunlight are barely holding onto the horizon. As Thárros walks, the Great One speaks one last time. "... I'm impressed, boy. No god here would do as you have this day. Tell me, who is it that has passed my trial?"

... He's asking for his name?

"I am the Protector of Termina." He settles for a neutral title. "But I am called... Thárros by the daughter night."

"Thárros..." A laugh bubbles out of the primordial being. "Yes, courage indeed... So you will be known by me, Thárros the Protector."

Something alights within him with that. A new purpose. A god with a name.

A god worth honoring.

He bows once more in respect.

Then he turns to leave.

Erebus' presence leaves him and back towards camp Hesper releases a startled yelp.

"Ah! Oh my gods- Sol, you're awake! I- I'm sorry, I'm sorry, yes I know it's late-"

Thárros starts running to the camp.

He stops by the edge, watching Sol sign as quickly as he can, both in confusion and fascination. The young child keeps poking and checking his skin- as if he's expecting to start burning like his sister does.

Relief? Love? Acceptance? He doesn’t know what emotion explodes within him. Whatever it is causes tears to roll down his cheeks and he drops to his knees.

He did it.

He actually did it.

Both siblings turn to him at the sound of his collapse and run to him.

"Thárros? What happened? Are you alright?" Hesper asks as Sol reaches up and wipes his tears away with warm, tiny hands.

Words fail him.

He leans down for Sol to reach better and kisses the boy on the forehead. "Enjoy your blessings, child."

He runs his hand over his hair before turning and picks Hesper up, spinning her around in circles. He peppers her face in all the kisses he can before he dips her, kissing her soundly.

When he pulls back, leaving her dizzy and breathless, he finally finds it in himself to speak coherently. "I told you I'd do it."

"... Oh my gods." Her eyes widen, sparkling as she looks from Sol to him again. "You- oh my gods!"

She laughs and pulls him in for another kiss. Sol has no idea what's happening but he runs around grinning.

He kisses her back happily.

No one else knows what's happening. They're still wondering why Sol hasn't fallen asleep yet, or rather, why he woke up.

Thárros pulls away first, hooking Hesper's legs around his waist. "Be my woman… Please..."

Hesper laughs again as she holds his shoulders to steady herself. "I thought I already was."

"Officially..." He whispers. "I believe Sol mentioned an apple is typically involved."

Hesper went pink, words lost as her lips parted. Slowly though, she smiles, stars warm with light. "... Yes. I'd love to, Thárros."

He smiles back and rests his forehead against hers. "Then it's decided then."

He steals a kiss, running his hands through her hair. "You will want for nothing, I swear by it."

Hesper giggles, brushing white locks from his face. "Of course not. I already have all I could need."

"I would believe a roof is in order, first." Thárros teases, feeling overjoyed and boyish and whole.

"Stay with me." He whispers. "You and the boy."

They could all be together. He would protect them all. His woman, the child-....

Could they start a family? He doesn't want to get his hopes up. But the thought of little ones running around, excites him now that there's little for him to fear.

'Yeah!' Sol somehow wiggles his way between them both. 'I wanna stay with Thárros!'

"Well, if we're all in agreement." Hesper laughs, ruffling Sol's hair along with Thárros'.

Sol chuckles, letting her do as she pleases.

This is it. He's going to do everything in his power. If anything would touch a single hair on their heads... He would have to be personally brought into hell itself for him to cease the rains of fire.

The name placed upon him is Thárros. His old title means nothing now. He is no longer the honorless Fierce Deity but rather Thárros the Protector. He is alight with a new purpose and will remain with his name until his purpose is completed.

He will always have his purpose, for now and forever.

"No one is going anywhere then. You're safe."

#linkeduniverse #linked universe #Fierce Deity #percy jackson #percy jackon and the olympians #i guess?#they're not fully mentioned but Hesper is from that universe #legend of zelda #the fierce deity #FD #Fierce Deity x OC #fierce deity x oc #goodness is that everything?#i doubt it

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imvietnamesenotchinese · 27 days ago

Text

lacy: nyx is jealous of luna, mainly because of her beauty. she secretly compares herself to luna and feels insecure every time she’s around her. despite this, she still admires luna. she thinks that luna’s so pretty and so perfect. in a nutshell, nyx loathes and loves luna at the same time. she hates her, but at the same time wishes she could be her. she’s disgusted with herself over these conflicted emotions. does she want to be her, or does she want to be *with* her?

heather: luna takes the role of heather in this song. nyx is jealous of the attention that luna gets from other guys (and girls). it pisses her off. she knows that she has no good reason to hate luna. after all, luna is so kind and pure-hearted. but she can’t help it. she hates her and wants her to be gone. the song switches back and forth between insulting heather and complimenting her. it fits nyx’s tumultuous mind.

gold rush: at this point, nyx realizes that the jealousy she experiences isn’t solely because of luna’s beauty. she definitely has a small crush on her, and it bothers her a lot when other people try to hit on luna. she keeps fantasizing about luna, but at the same time tries to suppress her feelings.

you are the moon: after they get to know each other, nyx learns that luna is actually insecure of her looks. nyx desperately tries to make her friend see things from her perspective. the truth is, nyx thinks she’s as beautiful as the moon. luna doesn’t get it, though. she sees herself as undesirable and broken. nyx can actually relate to that, as she often has thoughts of being not enough. she’s a stubborn girl, though. so at any moment she gets, she reminds luna of her self-worth.

my love mine all mine: nyx just genuinely loves luna and wants the best for her at this point. luna showed her that she could actually love and be loved. she’s never felt anything like this before. had luna asked for it, nyx would’ve given her the stars and the moon.

birds of a feather: once again, she just cares so deeply about luna. nyx is hesitant to open up to people and let them inside her heart. she’s not used to being so vulnerable. it makes her really emotional, and oftentimes she doesn’t understand why. nyx thinks they’re kind of like each other, in a way. they’re both really insecure about themselves. and as for the lyrics i picked out well :) luna is going to die soon so. they literally might not be with each other for long oops.

ocean eyes: this is about luna’s eyes. nyx could get lost in them <3 it also touches on her fear of falling in love and being vulnerable. but for luna, though, she almost feels like she could just let herself fall. keyword is almost. she’s done great progress, but she’s still scared to dive into the deep end.

say yes to heaven: at this point, nyx is crushing so hard on luna. she’s manifesting and praying and hoping that luna feels the same way. she just wants luna to say yes to her. nyx is so terrified of rejection. what if she opens up, and luna shuts her down? then what? she’ll jump off a building.

this side of paradise: i picked this song because the lyrics relate to nyx’s fear of falling in love and opening herself up to someone else. she’s nervous, she’s scared, she doesn’t want to mess this up. of course, she’d never tell luna that. it’s too embarrassing, and she’d rather die than be 100% honest. ultimately it’s about how unused she is to having such strong emotions, and how much she cares for luna. she has never cared for someone this much before in her life.

you stupid bitch: a very strong title, yeah. but the song is essentially about someone who’s frustrated that their crush doesn’t realize that they belong together. nyx has a fiery temper, and she’s slowly losing her cool the more this drags on. she’s getting more and more impatient and frustrated. they’re at a dead end. nyx is too scared to make the first move, and so is luna. the former wants to shake her friend and just yell at her to kiss her!!

jenny: self-explanatory. nyx has a big fat crush on luna, but doesn’t want to mess up their friendship.

make you mine: title is self-explanatory. nyx wants to make luna hers. she's getting desperate though. the butterflies in her stomach are making her sick

i wanna be your girlfriend: self-explanatory. gay ass bitches

boyfriend: she’s so down bad for luna it’s not even funny anymore

picture you: oh we’re in the horny section of nyx’s playlist now. no comment. read the lyrics

all the things she said: first of all this is an og lesbian anthem. secondly, luna is on nyx’s mind all the time.

do i wanna know: again, nyx has a crush on luna, but she’s scared to find out if luna feels the same way. does she REALLY want to know how luna feels?

i wanna be yours: down bad thoughts once again

505: nyx would drop everything and run to luna at any moment’s notice

sweater weather: gay ass bitch

false god: nyx lowkey worships luna like a god. this song is about oral sex. next

mastermind: you know how she schemes and plans surprise birthday parties? well, it doesn't end there. after being fed up of the whole ‘’will they, won’t they’’-thing, she takes matters into her own hands. nyx starts scheming to end up in romantic situations with luna. like oh no bestie, my apartment burnt down and i need to sleep over at your place :( yeah sorry for the inconvenience. lying ass. pretty sure luna might catch on. like nyx can you not be so desperate??

the louvre: your honor they're in love!! nyx’s love is searing and fluorescent. it brands you. when she loves you, she loves you. and when she hates you, she hates you. she’s a polarizing figure. it’s either one or the other for her.

as the world caves in: like i said, when she loves someone, then she LOVES them. it’s super difficult to get nyx to open up, but once you manage to crawl inside her heart, she will not let you go. maybe to an unhealthy degree? she gets clingy. she’s a ride or die. if the ships sinks, she will sink with it.

me and my husband: i already hinted at this previously, but she’s codependent!! nyx’s emotional well-being starts depending on luna, and she gets unhealthily attached to her. what was once an innocent puppy crush kind of turns into an obsession for her. nyx is incredibly selfish, though. she just wants luna to herself (hence her earlier jealousy in the previous songs).

dark red: luna is her one and only. nyx has been hurt before, and is therefore really scared of being abandoned. this also ties in with her intimacy issues. she’s still insecure, and often wonders about if luna wants to leave her. it affects her so bad that it can literally ruin her day.

line without a hook: insecurity about not being enough for luna. also her being exasperated at luna being so self-destructively selfless. a part of it stems from her jealousy of luna putting other people before her, and another part of it stems from the fact nyx is selfish in nature. being a people-pleaser confuses her. she wants luna to stay with her. why would she even bother trying to help others?

mr. loverman: doomed yuri guys. luna dies. nyx is grieving. she’s shattered. might as well kill herself or something

tongues and teeth: toxic yuri. nyx can be very insecure, and this song touches upon her mean attitude. i also think this lunyx dynamic is just toxic, and they’re destroying each other. this song is also about nyx’s tendency to self-sabotage. she thinks she’s a horrible being who doesn’t deserve to be loved or love others. she’s convinced that she’ll ruin the people she cares about.

supercut: missing luna hours. either after she dies, and nyx reminiscences about their time together. or they had a fight, and nyx’s toxicness ruined the relationship. she goes back and replays the memories in her head, thinking of all the different things she could’ve done to save the relationship, or to save luna.

cardigan: lowk this song is about them getting back together even after they’ve hurt each other so many times. after a fight, nyx has a feeling (and a prayer) that luna will come back to her.

two birds: nyx’s empty promises and lies ruining the relationship, or luna’s life coming to an end. Someone has to leave first. This is a very old story. There is no other version of this story.

colors: nyx’s thoughts about luna being a chronic people pleaser and putting others before herself. she knows that luna isn’t exactly… happy? luna always has a twinge of sadness to her. also a lyric that references luna’s death. she won’t make it ‘til the day she’s 28 years old lmao.

lost kitten: doomed yuri. luna will never be nyx’s, and nyx will never be luna’s. that’s just how their story ends.

down bad: after experiencing such intense emotions, nyx doesn’t know what to do when luna finally leaves her. she’s so mad and upset. angry at herself, angry at the world, angry at luna for not letting her have her. it doesn’t matter how luna left, either by breaking up or by dying, nyx will forever be bitter that she lost another love.

about you: nyx reminiscing about old memories from the relationship after it’s over. she misses luna, and still thinks about how things could’ve gone different. she thinks of the endings they could’ve had. marriage, perhaps? a penthouse in the city, or maybe a coastal cabin? guess they’ll never know.

dark paradise: her mourning luna. she doesn’t know how to move on.

maroon: doomed yuri. song starts off with the wholesome beginning of a relationship. it ends in the breakdown of said wholesome relationship. i imagine it’s the way lunyx ended. in misery and flames.

the archer: nyx trying to hold on to the relationship. she can feel luna inevitably slip away.

are you bored yet: nyx wondering if luna is bored of her.

sofia: trying so hard to make it work, and convince herself that it’ll work. it won’t.

i really want to stay at your house: post-break up/post-death of luna. nyx yearning and missing her gf. she doesn't want to let go yet. she wants to be with luna. even though the love is eating her alive.

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iizven · 2 months ago

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Fun Facts About Your Tav!

Thank you for the tag @yennefer-of-vengerbergs! ❤

Took me a while to muster up the courage to actually do this tag. Posting about my girl Iizven is so scary. Help! 💀

~Is your character good, evil, or neutral (makes some good decisions, some bad ones)?

She is chaotic neutral leaning more towards good. Very much chaotic though. She's always up to some shenanigans, preferably together with Astarion.

~What hobbies do they partake in?

Climbing! She's been climbing every rooftop she could reach since her early childhood. As a draconic bloodline sorceress, Iizven has the ability to fly, but she prefers the physical challenge of climbing and the satisfaction of reaching the top with her own strength. It helps her clear her head from time to time.

She also enjoys singing, but only in private. She loves to sing for Astarion though.

~Do they own any heirlooms from their family or ancestors?

She owns a necklace that belonged to her mother, whom she always believed to be dead (she isn't 😂). She also has a family sigil ring from her late aunt, who raised her. Although Iizven refers to her as her aunt, she was actually a close friend of her mother.

~ Can your character cook?

She can cook but that doesn't mean she should. 😂 Iizven was raised at her aunt's estate just outside of Athkatla. While she had a very comfortable upbringing with servants to attend to her needs, her aunt ensured that Iizven didn't take that comfort for granted. She taught Iizven to appreciate the hard work of their servants, which included teaching her basic life skills such as cooking. Unfortunately, cooking is not one of Iizven's strengths; she may have the necessary skills to survive on the road, but she definitely prefers to dine at a cozy inn with a proper cook.

~Does your character have a best friend?

Shadowheart. They've been vibing right from the start and quickly became best friends. They both share a preference for dramatic emo make-up and often help each other to apply it. They also enjoy sitting together with a nice glass of wine while sharing the latest gossip.

~Their biggest fear?

Iizven isn't very fond of necromancers. When she was younger she was held captive by a necromancer for a whole year until she was able to escape. He tortured and experimented on her, and Iizven has had an aversion for necromancy ever since.

~Name one of their red flags.

Since she is immortal, much like Dame Aylin, Iizven lacks any kind of survival instincts. As a result, she tends to be quite reckless, and treats her life as a disposable resource. She often puts herself in danger to protect others, much to Astarion's dismay, who sometimes has to remind her that, while he knows she's immortal, watching her die isn't a very pleasant experience.

No pressure tags: @anacdoce @bloodlessdarling @spite-made-me @midnight-musings-of-nyx

#tag game #oc: iizven

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smallraindrops-blog · 3 months ago

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Hades 2 impressions/rambling

Putting everything under here. Long post beware.

Spoilers spoilers everywhere!!!!!!!!!!!

Okay I am doing my best to keep everything understandable but no promises. I am still pretty early on in the game but I felt like I got enough to talk about.

Using a list format to help my brain.

Melinoë

Heavens help me, she is too precious for this world. Her genuine effort to help/befriend any one that comes across her is so heartwarming to see.

She definitely giving the honor student and perfect daughter vibe to the family even she and her family doesn’t know it.

It is clear how similar Zagreus she is with her determination and smart comments however they did a great job of making Mel her own character in her polite manners and studious attitude along complex relationships.

I love that the creators acknowledged Melionë feeling like she is fighting for both an impossible future and a family she never knew. I feel like we don’t often get see that kinda of thing.

The fact that Hecate kept reminding Melinoë that Hecate is not her mother and never will be is a kick in the teeth.

It is so painfully clear that just like Zagreus, Mel is looking that sense of belonging but unlike Achilles, Hecate had openly rejected even the possibility.

Then having Mel not right out stating that she find her worth in Hecate’ opinions before they fight and Hecate scolding Mel for her behavior.

Oof, knife to the heart.

I can’t wait to see how Mel and Hecate’s relationships changes and grow.

Hecate

For whatever reason, she won’t let anyone close to her, even the child she rised and played with and loved so deeply.

Maybe because of that love she won’t show it, in fear of getting her or worse, her enemies using her love for Mel as a weak point.

Like Nyx and Hades, she put Queen Persephone on a pedestal. Which I completely understand. It also clear that to Hecate, Mel and her mother are more like than not, both kind and seeing the best in everyone.

What I am really interested in is the break between her and Demeter. I wonder if she did really had to hide Mel from everyone or was she just trying to control everything and everyone? Could she really not trust anyone?

Even the grandmother would do anything for her grandchildren. Who maybe learn her lesson from losing her daughter and grandson from the first time.

Dora

her roommate/best friend/sibling relationship with Dora is amazing too. I just how Dora tries to be completely shallow and shameless in her lack of ambition and refusal to engage with other shades but not able to completely pull it off.

I don’t know if ties in with the box or her refusal to accept what happened to her, but I am invested.

Nemesis

I adore their messy/bully relationship.

She had a similar function to Thanatos but she is actively unhelpful ( for me anyway) which is definitely a fun game mechanic.

I do think she is good for Mel since she keep the princess on her toes.

but depending on how the story plays out, her unwillingness to work or listen to anyone will definitely end up hurting their causes (which might end up being a turning point for her. I am putting my full faith in SG and their storytelling)

Odysseus

ahhhh, the man, the legend! I love his voice, definitely a good fit for him and feel like smooth butter.

He is definitely that uncle who gave the kiddos candy when the parents were’t looking. And I love his character design, and his grin is so prefect for his character.

He and Mel have a better relationship than most I think however it is clear he is putting on his best face for her and not being entirely upfront with her.

Which i understand, he probably still see that little girl she once was, the one who just want to play hide and seek and make others happy.

So understandable. *sobs*

I am little concerned that in his entry, it mentioned a weakness for witches. Which yikes. But I need to remember the EPIC take on Odysseus is just now slowly becoming the normal.

What I will in mind is that Odysseus is two things above all. He is nobody and he is always lying.

So it definitely possible he is playing it up in order keep his family safe.

Also the fact he find peace in the garden??? Omg I can’t with this sad man.

Schememeus

ahhhh! He looks so good! My man got himself a big, beautiful beard! I love that we are getting more of the lore about him! (I am so glad I gave him more attention in northern star)

He is still so wonderfully supportive and I know he would do anything for the princess.

Charon/Hermes

They are married, your honor!

Gosh, I think they might be one of the top highlights for me.

For Charon, I’m glad that more people are appreciating the work and effort he putting in for them. Esp since they definitely didn’t in the first game.

The fact he doesn’t even hide how concerned he is for Hermes make me cry especially since one expects him to act cold in front of others. His relationship with Mel is a little more softer than it was with Zagreus which I appreciate.

Hermes is still perfect, no notes. I haven’t gotten much time with him but his updated design is the perfect way to tie his relationship with Charon.

So far I would say he treats Mel much like Zagreus but we have to wait and see.

I love that we can get to see Shelly a lot better now and she looked so happy just to be with her master even if there was an horrible war.

Moros

He is such babygirl.

In all seriousness though, his calm demeanor and polite manners makes him the perfect emissary for the Fates.

He takes no pleasure in his duty nor does he pity the morals, he just simply is.

It is clear that he understands that he often isn’t welcomed by many and is keeping a distance. Which hurts that he stays just outside of the circle.

His relationship with Nemesis is interesting to me. They clearly worked together and i would say it seemed like they even have an amicable relationship. But i am curious if we will find out more.

Selene

Ahhh, they did so good with her design! Her eyes even look like full moons with no noticeable pupils ( i wonder her eyes will match with the moon phase, i haven’t see it in the game but i ma making it my HC now)

Her crown/helmet is so amazing, the fact it hold the moon ( or at least appear so) was a fantastic idea. Her moonstones and the celestial jewelry is pure eye candy to me.

If it was possible, I would do anything to have her luscious hair. I am glad they really play with the colors with her design, it reminds me of opals.

The first time one meet her, you can immediately tell she is a regal goddess/titan and can’t help but in awe. Her Pegasus looked just like a little girls’ dream horse and i am here for it!

Selene is also a genuine kind person even if she is a tad nosy. ( I am nosy too so)

I do need to spend more time with her to get know her better but I love that she keeping a watchful eye on Mel and I can’t wait to see how everything goes.

Arachne

Her silk dressses have saved my behind so many times.

I like how complicated her and Mel’s friendship is. I don’t believe Mel have the full story of what happened and don’t understand Arachne’ distrust of the gods. Doesn’t help Arachne doesn’t want to speak of it as well, hiding things from Mel as well.

It seems like she is waiting for Melionë to act like the others, kinda setting her for small tests.

I do hope they will reach an understanding. I don’t think she will betray Mel ( I hope) but it isn’t outside the realm of possibilities. If she and the Time Titan meet, and she falls for the lies…

Demeter

This poor woman can’t get a break.

First her daughter and her grandson are hidden from her then when it seemed like everyone was a fresh start with princess Melionë only for her Father to come in and steal away what must like hope itself for her.

Her grief in losing her family, not once but twice, is so painfully clear in every single conversation with her. She never even got to see her grandkids grow up.

While she is like that rich grandma who scold people who use the wrong spoon for soup, it is clear she is ride or die for her grandchildren.

Artemis

If my heart didn’t belong to someone else…

I love everything about her, despite of the war she really has grown into herself and feels far more confident in this game. I’m so happy get to see more of her personality shine through!

No wonder she and Zag got on, she is just as cheeky sometimes. I love how she is with Mel, praising her often during their share battles and letting her closer than most.

Also ‘my woodsy goddess’????

um?????

The Olympians

keeping this part short since I want to wait until i get up there to interact with them more.

I love how everyone is like ‘oh it happened again with Hades’ kids, oh well- hello long lost family member! We love you, *mawh* now have this godly power and um. Go kill the old bastard, k thanks.’

Chronos

Ewwwwww- Botha- what is that????

He is a bee in my bonnet and i hate him. (Can’t wait to have more conversations with him, he is a fun villain)

I already have a few run in with him and I can see why the morals fell for lies. Like if someone could bring back a golden age, I can definitely see it being him, the titan’s portrait just oozes power but it won’t be. Never will be.

Even Zeus admitted that.

Also the fact he claims he will never wonder in the woods but he sure seems pretty comfortable getting close to it. I just hope he doesn’t try to find the crossroads.

(Also anyone had that conversation with Hestia, where she muses over how to permanently be rid of him?? How to kill a god indeed.)

Narcissus

I hope they never move the veil. Every conversation with this guy both delighted and frustrated me.

He had been surprisingly useful for me.

Scylla and the sirens

baby I will get you as many morals as you want- just stop killing me please.

They did great on everyone’s designs, feel very much like Josie and pussycats ( the animation one from the 1970ish). Scylla’s shell is such a pain in the ass.

Hypnos

I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHERE TO BEGIN! 😭 my babygirl!!!!!!!!!

Design

His updated portrait looks so effing pretty. While sleep, he looked so peaceful. I love they went with the longer hair, it works for him along with being another way to note the passing of time.

My only is note that I wish it was more proofy and less flat. However if his hair is super thick, it possible that it just weight the curls down, along with being against a pillow all the time.

Also his little wing is now missing from his new portrait. Maybe it flat against his head while sleeping. so maybe it only appears when he is wake.

It might just be me, but he also looked like his face looks a little more grown up as well.

I love how the eyemask had hanged colors as well. The purple is making wonder if it supposed to tie with someone else possibly with his mom or Hecate. (There had no mention of his canon wife so I am going to assume for now she isn’t in this game.)

His cloak had changed as well, with gold buttons ( or coins stitched in it?). The gold isn’t seen in the first game as per his model sheet so that is an interesting change. i wonder if that is supposed to be a nod toward Charon or just a style choice.

Also all those poppies! Ahhh, i love it they tied it in. However I wonder where they are coming from. It is likely Melinoë herself had been putting them there but she had made no mention of doing so yet.

Another possibility is that Hypnos is creating them his sleep or maybe the witches added as it way to help him with his powers.

Location

He is given his own area/garden with one of Hecate’s more bigger guards looming over him. He is also given gentle lights and surrounded by plant life. Which I love.

I love this sign of care and effort Hecate is giving Nyx’s son, she is showing so much respect and hospitality for him and I am for it.

Most people would be resentful of someone sleeping all the time but I haven’t sense that from Hecate.

Relationships

With Hecate, I suspect ( and everyone else) she know more about hypnos then she is letting on. She obviously respects Nyx and that shows in the way she cares for Hypnos and his siblings.

Melinoë doesn’t seem to know what to do with him. In the book of Shadows, he isn’t considered part of the crossroad but is put in the same list as Chaos ( another person Mel seem unsure of) However it is called ‘The Rest’ so it just might be a pun on Hypnos always sleeping.

I do think she cares and admires him even when others dismiss Hypnos. I think his cheerful demeanor is exactly what she needs rn and will make them great friends.

Nemesis still hold little respect for Hypnos however she like with almost everyone so not unique.

Charon mentioned that Hypnos was more useful sleep than wake. However it was more like he was completely serious than rather being mean to Hypnos (like Hecate, he knows more but is likely waiting until Mel is ready)

So I am hoping that means his relationship with Charon had improved.

I still haven’t gotten anything from Moros or the others so I am curious as to when I will be able to learn more.

I have heard in the new update there are new Hypnos stuff but I am trying to go in blind for now. So no comment on that.

Anyway I rambled on enough ( congrats if you made this far lol)

In conclusion, I can’t wait for more!!! They did so good with this game!

#wake me from this dreaming

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downingg2001 · 1 year ago

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Blood Bound; Chapter 1

Not edited😘 Picture Belongs to @downing photography 📸📸

Elain burst into Rysand’s Office gaping like a fish and out of breath, her nightgown clinging to her body and her hair a mess from just waking up, Rysand’s head snapped up in surprise.

“Is Nyx Okay? Is Feyre?” she gasped. She rushed here so quickly she didn't even think about throwing her robe over her exposed skin.

“I ..yes, Elain, they are both fine, I apologize for summoning you here so quickly, but there was no rush” Rhys cleared his throat at her disheveled appearance.

Elain felt heat creep up her cheeks, as she looked around the office, both Azriel and Cassian stood next to him, the former trying to hold a light snicker before the shadowsinger hit him upside his head and scolded him for not being a gentleman. Elain watched as he sent his shadows away for a moment before his eyes flickered to the back of the room where someone else stood.

Elain followed his eyes to a redhead she had seen before. Met Before.

Eris.

“ Hello Kingslayer..” His voice, warm and dangerous as his eyes looked her up and down. “I’ve always loved the night court fashion, is that what your women wear nowadays, Rhysand? Maybe I should move here next”.

Elain went rigged at the term and felt the tip of her ears burn. She looked over to Rhys who held his chin up towards the heir of the autumn court.

“Your welcome anytime of course, old friend” Rhys words held know sincerity and everyone in the room knew it, However eris inclined his head in thanks anyways.

“ My apologies about my attire, Lord Eris, I believed there was trouble and I came as quickly as I could” Elain bowed her head, but not low enough to show any respect.

Eirs began to walk towards her “No apologies needed, my dear sister in law” Elain felt her self flinch again but said nothing.

Eris Continued ‘’ I admire your…dedication to your court” A smirk played on his lips. Cunning and something alongside playful …but much, much worse. Elain couldn't think of a word that described eris, besides that.

Before Eris could get any closer, Azriel’s shadows dropped her robe around her shoulders, tugging on her loseley bound and curls as they did. However they stayed near her instead of returning to their master, hissing at the lord of autumn.

Elain nodded her head in thanks to the shadowsinger who nodded back, and unspoken agreement between the two.

“ Interesting” Eris whispered watching the shadows surround her. he turned his head to Azriel “You can call your shadows off, I won’t hurt her”

“ They are there of their own free will” Was all Azriel said. No emotion to be shown.

“ And yet you command them as well, i wonder…”Eris hummed

“ Lord Eris..” Elain started “ If you don’t mind me asking, Why are you here at this time of night”.

“ Aw yes, I almost forgot, Your face truly is one of such beauty. I can see why my brother is desperate for your affection” He reached to touch her face before a shadow snapped at him.

Eris chuckled “ I have a proposition for you, Kingslayer….

“ I do not like that term, Lord Eris’

“ And why is that?…I wonder..You are the one who stabbed him are you not? You stepped out of his shadows, with his weapon of choice… and yet you take no credit…No you let your sister take your glory..your kill..”

“ You’ve gotten off topic again my lord” Elain felt, more then saw the three illyrian warriors go rigid.

“Not truly..You see, Kingslayer…..I have a king I need slayed”

“ Then find someone else”.

“ I would if i could Sweetheart, but it begs to stand, i need and slayer, a seer and a spy..and you happen to be all tree...Besides you haven’t heard the best part’,

He leaned in closer, his breath hitting her neck, In an almost whisper he said “ I know how you can break the mating bond, with my brother”.

Elain took a step back “What..”

Eris tilted his head and smiled, that cunning smile once more “ You help me and i will tell you how it's done..infact i will do it for you as a sign of good faith, it won’t be pretty though”.

“ I thought you couldn’t break the bond” elain’s hearts as racing. She looked over to Rhysand who looked astounded

“ Whoever told you such a thing?” He laughed as if he already knew the answer.

Elain flinched, weighing her options, she could break the bond…but she couldn’t wrap her head around it, there had to be a catch. She didnt know much about politics in the fae world but she knew they liked to play games

“ I’m not a spy..”

“ No, but you have a spymaster at your beck and call.. I assumed where you go he will follow…to insure your safety of course”.

Rysand stood up “ She will not..”

Elain Cut him off “ What do i have to do?””

“Elain” Rysand warned

Elain ignored him, her eyes flickered to the shadowsinger, whose hands were rested on truthteller, watching her with such an intensity her skin crawled.

“ I need a vision first..I have a teeny-tiny question that I need answered, and before you say it doesn't work like that i know how to force a vision out of you…once I get the answer i want..we will discuss the details.

“ Eris, you said nothing of this when you asked to speak to her’’ Rysands voice was dark and stern and elain would have usually shivered at his sheer power, but now, standing in front of Eris, who had the possibility of changing her future.

“ I have some requests to make first before i accept anything” Elain held her chin up high

“ Of course” Eris Inclined his head curious, “But vision first my dear, if it’s not the right answer, we can all forget about this conversation all together anyways”

There was fire and hunger in his eyes.

“ Elain” it was azriels voice this time with a warning.

“ Don’t worry Shadowsinger, you play a big part in this as well, if you would be so kind to step forward and bring that dagger of yours as well”

Azriel looked at rhys before stepping towards. He eyes eris, waiting for an attack.

The shadow singer inclined his head, speaking silently “Are you sure?

“ Yes,” Elain nodded.

Azriel partially stepped in front of Elain blocking her from Eris.

“ What do i have to do?” azriels voice was menacing and untrusting

“ Stand behind her is all i need of you right now, shadowsinger”

Azriel hesitantly moved behind her

“ Your dagger if you please”

Azriel once again looked at rhys before shifting his attention to elain as he towered over her. Not letting his eyes leave hers.

Begrudgingly, he handed it to eris, who grunted when the power hit his palm. Eris thought a shield of fire around them and said “Close your eyes, Elain”

Elain did as he said

“Now picture the autumn court”

Elain tried but nothing came to mind.

“Funny thing with made objects. I heard you required the Starsword recently, it should teleport here in a second, Like calls to like afterall”

“What are you …” Azriel began to ask

Without a warning or a second to process it, Eris drove Truth Teller into Elains heart

Elain gasped and stumbled, her ears ringing and eyesight blurry and milky as she fell into a screaming azriels arms. There was a humming sound, metal against metal, a warmth that spread to her chest and a scream that lodged in her throat.

“ Whose the future lord of the Autumn court, Elain?” Eris voice spoke in her head.

Elain felt tears burn in her eyes as she gasped “ Why should I help you now” she choked out.

“Because, if you don’t your shadowsinger will die”.

There was another scream only this time it was her, it was Azriel, blood curdling and agony ridden.

She saw it in her head in flashes,

Elain,curled into Azriels lap as she bled out. Sobbing and grief in his tears over her as he begged.The star sword flying through the shield so quickly and running straight through Azriel’s chest, before uniting itself with the dagger still in elain’s heart . Azriel screamed before his body slumped and breathing heavily as he tried to pull her closer, blood staining his chin. Shadows wiping themselves around the two with violence and anger. A bright light flashing between the darkness and shards of a shattered siphon coated in blood.

She saw Eris on the throne, beorn beheaded at his feet. The starsword coated in the dead highlords blood, being held by an equally blood coated hand. One by one, flashes of how eris did it.

She saw too much too quickly, couldn’t process what she was seeing, what was happening. It was too much.

Then it slowed, she saw his scarred hand holding hers, their blood mixing as it pooled around them, an equal amount of light and shadows echoed from their matching wounds and a frayed string that snapped.

And then just complete darkness.

#elriel #acotar #pro elain #elain and azriel #elain archeron #azriel shadowsinger #pro elriel #elain #azriel #azriel and elain #shadowbound #carranam

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shallyne · 1 year ago

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Feysand Week Day Seven

Feyre is a mom featuring my OC kids: Nemesis, second born of Feysand, Bragi, youngest of Feysand and Carl, adoptive son of Feysand and Nyx's best friend

It was the height of summer. It was hot, the weather was nice and the kids had begged Feyre for a pool day. After hours of searching their bathing suits and swim shorts, enough towels to dry them all, bickering about whose towel belongs to who and convincing them to put on sunscreen, especially Carl who was very prone to sunburns, they finally made it to the pool in their backyard. Feyre was lounging at the side, Bragi laying in their baby bouncer in the shade right beside Feyre while Nemesis, Nyx and Carl were running around the pool.

"DO NOT," Feyre warned Nyx, "push her!"

Her teenager stomped his foot on the ground, "Why not?" he asked as Nemesis turned around surprised to find her brother there.

"It's fine, mom!" Nemesis called back.

"I don't want anyone crying in the end!" Feyre said.

"Okay!" Nemesis replied and Nyx took a step forward to push his little sister into the pool but while they argued, Carl had crept up behind Nyx and pushed him. Nyx yelped, grabbing Carl's arm and made them both fall into the water. Nemesis jumped in excitement, hopping into the pool right after her brothers.

"Impossible, hm?" Feyre asked Bragi in a high-pitched voice, feeling their temperature to make sure they don't get too hot. Bragi kicked their little little chubby legs in answer, rewarding Feyre with a toothless smile.

"You're having fun without me?" Rhys asked from the black double doors that led into the house.

Feyre snorted, not taking her attention from the kids, "The fun just started." she said pointedly and she knew Rhys would get what she meant, that getting them here was anything but fun. Well, okay, that was a lie. It had brought Feyre joy to see their excitement but she could have lived without the stress.

Rhys sighed dramatically, fixing Bragi's little sun hat. "I could have helped you, you know."

Feyre waved him away, "I didn't want to disturb you, it's fine." she pointed to Nyx and Carl who held Nemesis at her arms and legs and counted to three before they threw her into the pool, Nemesis laughing and squealing, "We made it."

Rhys sat on the floor, beside Bragi's bouncer, and watched the kids, laughing softly. "Don't take the floaties off!" he told Nemesis.

"I don't!" Nemesis snapped.

Rhys raised an eyebrow, clearly fighting a laugh. "She's not even seven years old and already has an attitude." he chuckled at that, "This is going to be interesting, don't you think?"

"Oh it will be." Feyre agreed.

Rhys leaned over to give Feyre a kiss, then stood up, "I'll be right back, I'll just change into my swim trunks."

"Bring me a glass of water while you're at it."

"Of course, my lady." he responded and vanished.

Feysand Taglist:

@captain-of-the-gwynriel-ship @edgyellie @starfall-spirit @rhysiedarling @corcracrow @sydney-fae25 @tothestarsandwhateverend @aayo-whatt @dreamlandreader @officialfeysandweek2023

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semper-legens · 1 year ago

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155. Burned, by PC and Kristin Cast

Owned: No, library Page count: 323 My summary: Zoey's soul is shattered. After witnessing the death of Heath, her mortal lover, her soul exited her body to go to the Underworld, following Heath into the darkness. But Zoey is needed in the mortal world, as the struggle between Light and Darkness threatens to consume the world. Can her friends get the help they need to win back their High Priestess? My rating: 1/5 My commentary:

Yep, we're back here again. I'll spare you the usual these-books-are-terrible-and-I'm-a-masochist disclaimers, you've read them all already. Let's just dive straight into it. As I continue this series, I am constantly amazed by how it finds new and exciting ways to disappoint me. The writing is insipid and borders on the fetishistic, and its treatment of minorities and the culture of real minority groups to which the authors do not belong is misguided at best, and insulting at worst. None of the characters are particularly likeable, though they're clearly meant to be, and they all have an annoying habit of being able to win in every situation without ever putting much work in. The notion that this is about vampires has been near-completely abandoned for a neo-Pagan mythos, which would be fine if the authors just admitted that was what they wanted to write. And yet, this installment still manages to sink to lower lows than that. It's honestly impressive.

Zoey is dead throughout most of this novel - specifically, her soul has been shattered by Heath's death, and she is in the afterlife with him while everyone else fights to get her back. As is the eternal problem with this series, this might be a tad more compelling if the other characters were willing to get off their collective asses and do something about it rather than standing around waffling and doing nothing for half the book. Zoey is even less compelling than usual, being stripped back to a waifish ghost, who just spends her entire time being sad and delusional and confused rather than actually helping herself. Which she should, logically, have the power to do, being Nyx's Specialest Child, but no. Stark's gotta save her. And speaking of…all of a sudden, there's this island of warriors out by Scotland who are the only ones who can help Stark dive into the afterlife, and wouldn't you know it, he's got blood ties to them that help him get in where otherwise they would have killed him on sight! I'm sure glad this came up beforehand and wasn't just pulled out of the author's ass to make all of her characters seem especially Chosen and Special and Magic or anything! Swear to god she was just making this worldbuilding up as she went.

Our main subplot is Stevie Rae and the Raven Mocker, Rephaim. And once again, we have a relationship where a young woman is bound to an older, stronger, dangerous, and downright evil man, but thinks that she will be able to make him better through the healing power of love or whatever. Rephaim isn't quite as bad as Kalona - instead of being a rapist, he's just a murderer who killed one of the much-beloved teachers at the House of Night - but he's still somewhere south of moral, but nope! Stevie Rae wants to bone him, so he's redeemable. This is in stark contrast to the leader of the other red fledglings, the ones who decided to embrace the Darkness rather than choosing the Light as Stevie Rae and the others did. (Yep, this has seriously become a Darkness/Light battle.) She isn't redeemable, isn't fixable; her aligning herself to the Darkness is final, and though Stevie Rae does try and talk her out of it, she's not as fixated on helping them as she is on Rephaim. Because they're not sexy shirtless bird-men, presumably. My issue is more that the narrative treats them that way, though - you're meant to find Rephaim alluring and appealing in a bad-boy way, whereas Stevie Rae's attempts to get through to the leader of the red fledglings is presented more as a noble but inherently doomed effort, something that was never gonna pay off because they're just inherently evil. Everyone who likes our protagonists is Good, everyone who hates them is Bad, unless they're a shirtless hot guy in which case they're Bad But Redeemable. It's just so predictable and clichéd.

And finally, the part of this that is more actually insulting than just bad writing. We've seen all the way through this book that, while Cast seems to have done the tiniest research into Cherokee beliefs, she either misinterprets or wholesale invents the details, leading to Kalona and the Raven Mockers having more to do with Christian mythos than Cherokee. Well, in this book, all pretense at being rooted in anything other than Western neo-Pagan sensibilities is dropped. Right out of the gate, Cast writes in her foreword that she just wants to thank a few people for fact-checking and researching the Celtic mythology she draws from in this book - but we've had no such thanks for the Cherokee stuff, implying that Cast did far more research (and presumably had more respect for) the Celtic myth than the Cherokee. Not that her use of Celtic ideas and iconography is any better. I'm no expert in Celtic mythology, but the accent her Scottish character uses makes me want to apologise to the entire nation of Scotland on this book's behalf, and overall it's Celtic mythology via neo-Pagan sensibilities.

Now, I've got nothing wrong with neo-Pagans in the real world, don't get me wrong, but this series is steeped in its worst sensibilities, just as Mormonism pervades the Twilight books. In particular, the idea of the feminine and masculine are typical of that kind of 1960s and 70s neo-Paganism that meant to reclaim the Divine Feminine by essentially reversing gender expectations, with men as largely-expendable protectors and women being more magical and intuitive. The problem with that, of course, is that it's still strictly upholding the rigid gender categories that the rest of us have (Men are Strong! Women are Nurturing!), and oft ties them to biology (like the symbolism of the sword and the chalice) in a way that makes my transgender self uncomfortable. Because the flip side of that coin is still there. Women are weak and need to be protected - Zoey and Stevie Rae and Aphrodite can't save themselves, they need men to do their fighting for them. Women are emotional, while men are stoic - Stark is meant to just take being sliced up to help Zoey and Heath doesn't really seem to care about the fact that he's dead because he's more concerned with Zoey. It's just repackaging gender stereotypes with a 'magyk' flair, and it's no more compelling for it.

Next, I'm apparently not done with Junji Ito, as we delve into another of his collections.

#Burned #PC Cast #Kristin Cast #bookblr #book blog #book blogger #1

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meancaroline · 3 months ago

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Welcome to Carnage, by Selena Winters

Ratings:

GoodReads Rating: 3.68 ⭐️

My Rating: ⭐️

Spice: 🔥🔥🔥🔥

Purchasing:

On Kindle Unlimited?: Yes

Kindle E-book: $2.99

Paperback: $9.99

Length:

142 pages

Review:

‼️NOTE: THIS REVIEW WILL CONTAIN SPOILERS!!‼️

Two years ago, at her town's Halloween carnival, Avina was sexually assaulted had a ✨totally consensual encounter✨ with a masked man. During the encounter, he told her that she belonged to him, and he would kill anyone who tried to take her from him.

Two years and two first dates later, the masked man's statement's are truer than she'd like. Both of the boys she's dated died after the first date: murdered in cold blood.

Now, Avina's best friend is suggesting they all go to Carnage's Halloween Carnival. Surely, a night of fun will quell her worries.

Meanwhile, Nyx, her brother's best friend, lurks in the shadows, watching and being watched. The "darkness" he exudes attracts Avina, no matter how hard she resists. And Nyx, for his part, can't wait to finish the "game" they started two years ago.

Now, as l've said in some other posts: I would not call myself a dark romance reader. So, I might be missing something that seasoned dark romance readers wouldn't, because, if a friend gave me this book to try and get me into dark romance, I would never touch the genre again.

First, let's talk about Nyx, the "romantic" lead for our FMC. Nyx would be the type of guy that everyone knew in grade school: that guy who tries to be edgy because it's what people think is cool. But then, as you get older, you realize that same guy, who never grew out of his "dark" phase, is a loser. And yes, Winters tries to give us reasons behind Nyx's propensity for murder, but, well, I couldn't bring myself to care.

Not only do we only find these things out at the end of the book, by the time we find out that he had an abusive father who murdered his sister when she was three years old, and that he burned the house down to kill his father, killing his mother by accident, Nyx has already killed three people because he thinks he and Avina belong together. That Avina belongs to him.

He claims to love Avina, and that the "darkness" in him is compatible with the "darkness" in her, but c'mon. We're all old enough to see through this shit: it's pathetic. The book would've been better if Nyx had been arrested.

Which brings me to Avina. Now again, as I don't often read the genre, l'm not sure how other dark romance heroines behave, but god dammit if Avina isn't dumo as a rock. She is, surprisingly, somewhat quick to put together that Nyx murdered her dates...and then does nothing with that information. She could have gone to the police, the police actually interview her because of the murders. They suggest she go into witness protection, or that she be used as bait in a sting operation to catch the killer.

But Avina does neither of those things. Instead saying she has no idea who the murderer is, and then spending the rest of the book trying to manage Nyx's "darkness" so he doesn't end up murdering her brother or her best friend.

And why does she do this? She does this because allegedly there is a "twisted darkness" inside of her, a "twisted darkness" that only Nyx will understand. Although we don't even understand what that "twisted darkness" is. We are never privy to any of Avina's dark thoughts, and other than not going to the police, it seems the only darkness she contains is the space between her ears where her brain should be.

Oh, yeah, and I think she's conflating darkness with horniness. For reasons known only to Avina, Nyx is so attractive. I'm not sure if it's actual attraction since, based on the way he's written, I can only see him as a tool, or if it's attraction due to propinquity since he is her brother's best friend.

What Avina really needs is for someone to tell her that feeling horny is not bad, no feeling is bad, it's the actions you do and do not take in response to those feelings that makes you good or bad. Then after that, Avina needs is to go to therapy to get over her parents' death, and then call the police and get Nyx arrested.

If you haven't read dark romance, but want to give the genre a try, pick another book. If you are a dark romance reader, don't waste your time.

#bookblr #book review #tumblr book club #kindle unlimited #kindle unlimited romance #halloween #dark romance

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aaronymous999 · 1 year ago

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The Spider/Asher Holmes and the Media

I haven’t talked about this guy all that much but today I’d like to go into The Spider and how he’s treated in the media- and how Asher has unconsciously changed that perception to be negative on purpose as a form of self sabotage. ( This one is really gonna get into his mental health and trauma, if that bugs you this post may not be for you! )

So- first off who is Asher Holmes? The Spider fights crime in Twin Capes City, Osclar ( fictional- he’s based of a spider-au of my mainline normal human ocs ) on Earth 2051-A. He was bitten by a radioactive spider in his last year of High School and became Spider-Man. Although after the death of his best friend ( and crush ) Nyx Dixon ( belonging to @raisondetre2012 :3 ) he started the process I have described above.

Asher’s self hatred is something he’s always carried with him, even before becoming The Spider. And he didn’t fare much better even in the universe where Nyx was bitten instead of him. Asher has always bottled up his problems and never bothered to self analyze himself. He’s only done so at key moments in his life and it’s seriously helped him, but he has yet to realize that’s the solution. ( And getting therapy. He needs therapy desperately. Maybe some meds too. )

So Asher’s self hating tendencies often come out through self-sabotage. In High School it was calling the girl he liked mean names to ruin his chances with her, in college it was forcing himself into a major he wasn’t at all interested in to impress his parents. And now, it’s making everyone hate the one part of himself that everyone adores. Spider-Man became The Spider. He was now referred to by the general public as an ‘it’ or a ‘thing’ despite Asher’s surface level wishes. Although deep down he very much wanted this to happen, to launch himself into a deeper whole of depression, because in some ways that’s all he’s known. Anything else would be change, and Asher doesn’t like change. ( Autism let’s goooo )

Asher started with little things, utilizing his engineering degree which he already hated doing- to create a more futuristic and foreign looking suit. Something that in Asher’s mind was just a simple suit redesign, but subconsciously it was more than that. And then it become the four metal arms on the back, bringing himself closer to an uncanny valley between machine and animal. Then it became the eyes, the extra eyes added onto his suit. Asher only has two eyes, but if he made others think he had more? Maybe they wouldn’t even see him as human anymore.

The claws are natural to his body after the spider bite but it certainly does not help his self esteem, or the opinions of the reporters. Asher is constantly faced with abuse on all sides, from the media, from the people he’s saving, from the villains he’s defeating and unconsciously from himself.

And when he was invited to the Spider Society, an excuse to escape and become Miguel’s personal enforcer? It was a dream come true, although it caused the opinions of the media to dwindle even more after Asher was missing during a devastating attack by Carnage. Despite Asher believing that he doesn’t trust others, he deeply trusts Miguel and would never even have the thought of the things he’s hiding from him.

Never the thought of universes where Nyx is alive and happy, never the thought of the one where she’s Spider-Woman either. And especially not the thought of Miguel’s knowledge of his upcoming symbiote canon event. Which considering his mental state, will end up even more poorly than other Spider-Men’s symbiote stories.

#aaronymous ramblings #spiderman #spider man #spider-man #aaronymous ocs #oc #ocs #atsv #across the spiderverse #ermmm ermmm i love him brw #my favorite blorbo who loves dehumanizing himself on purpose #also carnage in his universe is a man named yukari hinata since his universe is onlg made up of my mainline ocs #thinking about who the other villains should be but ill decide later #also asher is youjg in this one so realistically yukari should be like 5 but im pulling some timeline shennigans its an au who cares

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bravelittlescrib · 2 years ago

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Hey! Who are your ocs again?

Whew! I have quite a few, but I'll jot the main ones down. The tES ones, at least.

Nyx: My Hero of Daggerfall/Agent. She's a Dunmer who grew up as a street urchin in the Imperial City and became a thief (and later an assassin for the Dark Brotherhood), but she always wanted to be a ballet dancer. After the Dragon Break, she gets married to Llarys, my Dunmer spellsword Vestige, and they start a family together in Vvardenfell. Nyx and her kids die in the eruption of Red Mountain.

Llarys: a House Redoran Dunmer with a career as a gang enforcer, after becoming a Vestige, he experiences a religious revival and becomes a fanatically devoted ALMSIVI worshiper, and also devoted to turning his life around and becoming a beneficial member of society. He hates Mithra for killing Almalexia (and possibly Vivec), and also blames him for Nyx's death.

Mithra: My Nerevarine! He's an Altmer agent who ran away from his noble birthplace as a young man and turned to a life of crime. After being imprisoned for impersonating a government official, he gets sent to Morrowind. In summary, he ends up as a person of some importance in the Morag Tong, House Hlaalu, and even had a short career in the Tribunal Temple. He ends up together with my Dragonborn.

Sora: My Orsimer Hero of Kvatch. I don't want to reveal too much, because her story is being worked on presently, but she's very brawny, not very intelligent, and kind-hearted. A member of the Fighter's Guild and Champion of the Arena, she is incredibly in love with Martin, and his death causes her to go on a rampage that ends with her mantling Sheogorath.

Assabael "Patience" Urshammarnamus: Not actually my OC, actually she belongs to a friend, who made her for my tES D&D 5e campaign a while back, but I basically adopted her. She's an Ashlander with a tragic past who ended up working for the Blades, but got on their bad side after being assigned to work on a messy coup in Hammerfell. Her paranoia drives her to kill an innocent and encounter the Dark Brotherhood, which will also be part of my Oblivion WIP.

Gwenned Ghost-Singer: He's a Reachman that had to flee as a child from his home following the Markarth incident and returned to Skyrim to get his revenge on the Stormcloaks, only to find out along the way that he's the Dragonborn. He gets involved with the Thieves' Guild, and later the Forsworn, after finding out his older sister, Caoimhe, is alive. He has another sister named Saoirse who lives in Cyrodiil with her husband. Following the events of Skyrim and the Dragonborn DLC, he moves back to Markarth and gets named Jarl.

And since I'm working on some Dragon Age fic, I'll give them a mention too!

Hero of Ferelden: Rhodri Cousland. He is incredibly altruistic, and wants the best possible outcome even if it comes at a steep cost for him and those he loves (eg., making Alistair king and having him marry Anora). He romances Zevran.

Hawke: Callum Hawke, snarky mage extraordinaire. He's staunchly anti-Templar, but at the same time wants to put his family first. He romances Fenris, and they are basically Kirkwall's power couple.

Inquisitor: R'hiannon (or just Rhiannon) is a Dalish rogue. She has a hot temper and biases against humans (human mages, most of all), but her time with the Inquisition helps her get over them. Solas, specifically, helps her overcome her distrust of magic-- although when he requests to remove her vallaslin, she cuts off their relationship. She ends up with Cullen, who has been desperately in love with her since she first yelled in his face, and they get married happily ever after... for a little bit, at least.

#asks #oc: nyx #oc: llarys #oc: mithra #oc: patience #oc: sora #oc: gwenned #oc: rhodri #oc: callum #oc: rhiannon #SORRY THIS TOOK ME SO LONG I HAVE BEEN SO BUSY

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azenari · 2 years ago

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reo | 11.6.20

originally written for a teacher and a friend -- “You don't always get the dog you want, but you get the dog that you need.”

Thanks to some combination of nature and nurture, I’ve been a fairly high-strung, anxious person for as long as I can remember. Emotionally, I have a lot to work through when it comes to self-esteem, belonging, and neuroses/insecurity as it pertains to my relationships. I lost my mother unexpectedly at a young age and was the one who discovered her body when I came home from school one day. I have intense survivor’s guilt, and I’m constantly waiting for the floor to fall out from under me because I’ve been hyper-aware ever since that moment that it can happen anytime.

I struggled with depression for a number of years - mostly alone or with the support of other friends who were also struggling - and made a couple suicide attempts which, thankfully, did not succeed. I had some less-than-ideal experiences with psychiatrists because strangers put pressure on my father, a single dad and a widower, to seek professional help because I smiled and thanked them for coming to my mother’s funeral (which I thought was what she would’ve wanted me to do. I still think that). It took me years to come around to the fact that maybe I’d just seen the wrong therapists at the wrong time, vs. believing that therapy just wasn’t for me.

This shift in mindset occurred not a moment too soon, because after years of denial, I recognized that one of my closest personal relationships was and had been increasingly abusive (culminating in sexual assault). I developed and was diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). At last, I went to therapy. This time, I was lucky to find someone who could help me - in her words, it was also because I was ready to be helped.

It’s been a few years since then, and while I’m not always successful at maintaining a healthy state of mind and body, I’m a lot better than I used to be. I listen to myself a lot more, for one. I’m working through the survivor’s guilt. I’m lucky to be married to someone I consider both a best friend and a soulmate, the latter of which I thought was more of a fairytale than anything else until I met him. I have trust. I have people and places I call home. I sleep and eat on a regular basis. I still challenge and push myself in life because that’s who I’ve always been, but in such a way where I can really feel the joy in doing it, rather than the dread of waiting for myself to fail.

Three years ago, I made a decision I knew I would always make someday, deep in my gut. I decided to get a dog.

I’ve always been a “dogs welcome, people tolerated” person. My family and I have been rescuing sick, lost, or injured animals since I was a little girl. When I was growing up, my best friend - and the only living being in the world I felt comfortable confiding all my thoughts in - was our neighbor’s dog, who was born and brought home the same year that I was. To be honest, I don’t think I’ve ever met a dog I didn’t love at first sight.

I was 23 by the time I’d saved the financial resources and created the infrastructure I thought I would need to support a dog. I was incredibly lucky to already have one - my husband’s dog, Nyx, who by that point was 2 years old and the absolute joy of our lives. Though she started as his dog, Nyx became our dog and continues to see us both as her parents; but she was his decision, and he brought her up with his own two hands (a Herculean feat for a 21-year-old navigating his first job) while I was still in school.

While I would’ve loved to adopt a bigger dog, my husband and I lived in a small apartment in Los Angeles and knew we didn’t have the space to support one, so we decided to look for another mini Australian Shepherd or Shepherd mix who would be a good companion for Nyx. I intended to rescue, so I followed a lot of rescues in the area, waiting for a puppy I could learn to raise myself. In the midst of all this research, I made the mistake of following a single breeder: A teacher with a family farm in Northern California who bred miniature Australian Shepherds and Italian Greyhounds out of sheer love for both, which I thought was such a hilarious combination that I wanted to follow their activities from afar.

A couple of months went by, and the teacher in Northern California posted about a new litter of mini Aussies on Facebook. She uploaded pictures one by one, and we followed along, trying to hold ourselves back - which became easy enough because one after the other, someone would claim the newest puppy in record time and ask to bring them home.

One day, she posted a picture of a puppy that was one of the smallest in the litter and frankly didn’t look anything like any other Aussie - or even dog - that we had seen before. When we saw him, even though it was technically just a photo, it felt like he was looking straight at us. I remember showing him to my husband (then boyfriend) and the first words out of his mouth were: “Is that our dog?” … Call it a gut instinct.

Knowing that we wanted to rescue and imagining that this puppy, like the others, would not have any trouble finding a forever home, we told ourselves that we would wait a week and see what happened. Usually in a matter of 24-48 hours, the dog would be spoken for. But for some reason… days went by, and no one came for the puppy.

I caved and sent the teacher a message.

After what felt simultaneously like a lifetime but also five seconds, I was flying to Sacramento to meet her and bring our baby home. I remember the moment when she gently placed him in my arms. It felt like something that had been empty in my chest for years was suddenly not empty anymore. I know people describe human motherhood as a singular experience, but as someone who had gone through life for years questioning whether she would ever form a permanent connection with any living creature - or have anyone or anything to come home to - I can’t imagine that the moment I have a child (if I’m lucky enough to have a child) will feel too different from the moment I held Reo for the first time.

I remember the first night as vividly as if it had happened yesterday. We ordered a crate beforehand, but a long and complicated series of circumstances led to me having to fly to pick him up the day before the crate would arrive. That night, he and I both slept on the couch - he with his body mostly in his carrier, curled up on a blanket that smelled like his siblings, with the door partially open to give him room to stretch and breathe - me haphazardly tucked next to him with one hand lightly touching his back just so I would know if something happened. He slept pretty peacefully, actually, but I woke up every 15 minutes in a panic, worrying that something would happen to him or that I would do something wrong or that he would disappear and this would’ve all been a dream. But he was there every time I opened my eyes.

Fast forward a few years later and Reo is, for the most part, a goofy, roly-poly force of nature who is incredibly loving to the people he considers to be his “pack”. He’s also... anxious and fairly high-strung (where have we heard that before?), especially around strangers - and especially if he perceives there to be a potential threat to his mother, who he seems to constantly worry is at risk of being attacked. God willing, I don’t think he’ll ever have to experience finding my dead body one day when he comes home from school; nevertheless, he seems to have inherited the lingering, irrational paranoia I developed from that experience.

I’m no different, really. PTSD isn’t something that truly goes away. At best, it’s dormant, manageable, something I’ve learned to appreciate as an indicator of when my body feels overwhelmed or unsafe. I’m still generally anxious, neurotic, and high-strung; and though I’ve learned to not let it dictate the way I live my life, I’m also still a little insecure.

I’ve gotten a lot better at hiding it from humans. But I’m incapable of hiding it from my dog.

Which brings me to where we are today. Like me, Reo is the way he is through some combination of nature and nurture. He’s always going to be a little anxious about life, and I only gave him more reasons to feel constant concern. We’re both too aware, too worried, too afraid of the million things that could go wrong at any given moment.

On the other hand - like me, Reo is also capable of change. And growth. And building trusting relationships with others, based on a shared understanding that you reinforce through time and practice until you slowly start to believe it might be real.

Reo and I have both learned to perceive our physical home as the only true “safe space” we have in the world. Despite our mutual love for adventure, fear of all aforementioned things that could go wrong keeps either of us from wanting to leave. After a lifetime of constant harassment from strangers (predominantly male, predominantly malicious, always a vivid reminder of abuse), I’m on high alert every time I leave the house, and that compounds when I bring him with me. My dormant PTSD symptoms seem to stir like sleeping lions as soon as we so much as swing open the door. For both of us, there are triggers lurking around every corner, waiting to scare us into giving up.

But if we continue hiding within the confines of these four walls, we’ll miss out on so many of the joys of life. And even if I could’ve reconciled myself to that type of existence, I don’t want him to suffer the same fate just because I’m terrified to set foot outside.

So we’re working through it. We’re fortunate to have a strong, loving, and patient support system. We’re fortunate to have the financial resources to ask for professional help. Recently, we met our “therapist” - a teacher and behaviorist who can understand and guide us both. Based on how our first day went, I think we both instinctively recognize that she’s the right person to help us, because she understands where both of us are coming from. To Jo: I don’t know what it is you went through, or what your triggers and traumas are… but even just from our interaction today, it felt like you could recognize my experience, especially in seeing how it manifested in my relationship with Reo. I realize we’re asking you to train me a lot more than we’re asking you to train him. I’m deeply grateful that you're still willing to do it.

I know it doesn’t seem like it when we’re out there, but I have a lot of conviction when it comes to this relationship. Of course, I think my body (easily triggered, hyper-reactive, always the most skeptical part of my ecosystem) has a hard time believing that we’re going to be okay. My mind has its moments; sometimes it thinks we’re going to be, sometimes it has to fight itself to remember what we’re working towards.

My heart, on the other hand, has remained hopeful through all of these experiences. It’s part of the reason I’m still here. And my heart really, truly believes that we’ll get there - we being Reo, and also me.

I’ve spent a lot of time wishing that Reo had better luck finding a mother. Someone who was sure of herself. Someone a little less traumatized, less anxious, less afraid… but the fact of the matter is he wound up with me. Instead of wishing that I could be someone else, I’m going to focus on being grateful that he came to me when I needed him most. I’ve done a lot of healing over the last few years, and we’ve both come pretty far relative to where we started. But we still have a long way to go.

For his sake, and my sake, I want to keep moving forward.

#2020

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