#she also told me the growth shes seen in me and sure i still have some to work on

[boredzum-671]

Fireworks

Hunter X OC!Robin Fanfic

word count 4.2k words

Warnings: thoughts of kissing, PTSD mentions, fluff? Crying, comfort, feelings like a lot. It’s my first fan fic that is so long 💀😭

Hunter POV

It's been about 4 weeks since the tsunami on Pabu. Most of the lower Pabu residents’ homes have been destroyed, but luckily, parts of the homes were built within 2 weeks with the strong bond of the community, and the docking bays and boats have been damaged from the impact. Most of the ships flew over the houses near the bay. But thankfully, nobody was hurt. The boys and I have been helping with the rebuilding as well. Wrecker and I helped with the heavy load while Tech worked on bringing power back to the houses. The residents were thankful for our help, and I was thankful we came on time so none of the people were hurt. Or worse...

The upper Pabu Residents let the lower ones stay with them temporarily in their homes. Speaking of temporary stay, we have one who Omega begged for us (mostly me) to stay for a little bit until we built their home. We met her when Shep invited us for dinner at his home; she was a friend of Phee, who was also a refugee hiding from the Empire. Robin.

The first time we met her, she was probably nervous to meet us when she stepped foot on Shep's patio. My senses were a bit fussy when I looked at her; this never happened when I first met a woman, so I was a bit cautious. Robin’s appearance was clean and neat, her hair was a perfect shade a brown with natural highlights you could see in the sun, and it seemed smooth if I was able to touch it. Her eyes are different, both of her eyes have a different color from the other, the one on her left was a brown-honey like color, like mine, while her right eye was light blue that if you looked in them, it was as if you were staring up at the sky. She was wearing a purple and white dress that wasn’t too formal, but something simple enough; her hair was down and had a butterfly-like style while her bangs were curtain-like.

Phee had told us about her past, but she didn’t give enough details about Robin since it was too sensitive to talk about it to anyone; Phee was the only one Robin could trust to keep her past a secret. When I learned of that, it made me suspicious of her, but when I started talking to her, she was caring, sweet, but one thing I couldn’t describe about her... could it be attraction...? No. Hunter, get yourself together. You just met her; it’s inappropriate to think that way.

She’s been with us for four weeks and already knows her way around the Marauder. I let her have my bunk to sleep in; I mostly sleep in one of the chairs. It became a bad habit ever since we had Omega, and it still is. Robin would teach Omega how to braid hair, learn new things, and the woman stuff I barely even know about, mostly. But I made sure not to interfere with their time. Omega was happy around Robin.

Like a daughter to a mother...

Sometimes when Omega is with her, it makes me think about everything. Should we keep on running from the past, still in the sights of the empire, and not let Omega have a simple life as a child? Or should we refuge here on Pabu, hang our armour and blasters on the wall, look towards the future, and make a life of our own with the little time we have...?

We clones never had the life of a child, our only home was the steel walls of a cloning facility, never born of a womb of a mother but rather a tube, making millions of the same faces. Our father was only a donor part of our creation; the only time we have seen him was on our faces when we look in the mirror. Our only purpose was to follow orders, fight in a war on a side we thought was meant for good, but ended up helping the start of an Empire, killing our most trusted allies by an order we could not oppose...

I want Omega to experience the life we could never have, to grow up normally, then the forced growth acceleration we had. And maybe... Robin...

Robin POV

I had just finished helping with decorating for the festival where the Archium is located, now I was heading towards the Marauder near the docks, the boys had to move the ship so it wouldn’t be in the way. Everyone was already heading up to Upper Pabu Square for the event. Hunter was the only one I had to bring up. Before I left the Marauder, I remember seeing him cleaning his armour and blaster in the cockpit, he’s probably already getting ready. I can’t help but worry for him, he looks tired every day. One night before I went to bed, I woke up in the middle of the night, and he was still up late working on the control panel. He has to look over his crew, looking after everyone’s well-being, but not his well-being. I tried to give him back his bunk to sleep at least once, but he said,

 “You need it more than I do.”

 I know he’s just showing hospitality for me, it’s really kind of him, but he’s just stubborn to not admit he’s tired...

I finally reached the Marauder and went up the open ramp of the ship to the inside of the ship. The main hull of the ship was a little messy, but it was neat in a way. I looked over to the cockpit door, and it was wide open. There, I saw Hunter quietly staring down at his blaster in his hand with a dirty rage in his other hand. He did look tired.

I made my way towards him, and it caught his attention. His honey-brown eyes met my brown and blue ones.

“The festival is already starting?”

I nod and step closer.

“Still cleaning? Wouldn’t this have been done an hour ago?”

He gave me a slight chuckle and a shrug.

“I was distracted, don’t worry, I can do it later.”

I notice he was holding something back, he must be thinking about something. The tiredness in his eyes showed he was lying, he’s trying to stay strong for his squad... his family. I would probably do the same as him, if I ever had one...

“Shall we go now?”

I snapped out of my thoughts now and realized I was staring at him for a moment while I was thinking. I tried to ignore the blushing embarrassment crawling up on my face and gave a slight nod.

“Y-yeah let’s go.”

Hunter POV

We soon made it to the top of Pabu, and everything was in full swing. The locals were having fun with the game stalls, the trinkets some people worked on that had the island’s shells to make a piece of jewellery or a holo-picture frame. I could smell multiple scents of different varieties of food from the stalls. But one thing I could tell was the scent of Mantell Mix. Wrecker and Omega must’ve done that. Phee probably got the ingredients.

But the light of the lanterns around us was soft and warm, and when I looked at Robin, she looked like she was glowing as she smiled. My heart skipped a beat at the sight of her in this light. Did she ever look like this...? Was her smile always like that? Did she always smile like this when I’m around her...? Did she always look...

Hunter! Pull yourself together! You’re getting ahead of yourself, and you had just met her 4 weeks ago; she thinks of you as a friend. Nothing else... Besides, who would want a clone, made to be a soldier from birth, you could never give her the life she wanted. Just a clone, nothing more...

“Robin...”

When I stopped, my hand unconsciously took her hand, my gloved and calloused hand holding her bare and soft hand. In my eyes, she looked fragile and easy to break. My mind was screaming at me to pull away, while my heart told me not to let go. I didn’t know what to do. Why am I getting this attached to her when I’m scared to break her? She’s been in the life of war like me, she survived probably many things on her planet, but never talked about them. She must have PTSD from the war. My heart slightly ached; she never deserved that life. Could it be that she wanted to be far from the past and restart in a haven? Away from the new and unknown dangers? Find a home...?

Is she looking for something like I am?

Home...?

 “Yes...?”

When Robin called me out of my thoughts, I looked into her eyes. The way the lantern lights shine on them made my heart skip multiple beats. Her one light blue eye made it look like I was in the cockpit of the Marauder and traveling through hyperspace, while her one brown eye made it look like it had gold flakes in it. What is this effect she has put on me? It felt terrifying and exciting at the same time.

I let out a soft breath through my nostrils and gave a reassuring smile.

“Never mind, just my senses acting up again.”

From my response, she looked at me with concern. She’s worrying about me, again.

“We could go back if you want to, if it's bothering you too much, I’ll- “

“No-no, don’t worry, I don’t want to ruin everyone’s fun. I’ll stay.”

Robin started to look around while she thought. A small habit that grew with her when she thinks.

Cute...

She lets out a sigh before looking back up at me again.

“Are you sure...?”

I gave her a soft smile and a nod of reassurance. I didn’t want Omega’s first festival since we never had the time for one... I don’t want to ruin it for Robin, too...

Hunter POV

My head hurts so bad.

The number of things clanking and making noise is messing up my senses. It was hard to concentrate when I tried to win for Omega on one of the small games, maybe win one thing for Robin, but I always mess up. But I have to stay strong, I don’t want to ruin the day’s fun. They’re all happy, and it was something I couldn’t dare to end.

Omega was having a blast; she was having fun with her friend Layana and her friends. This place was a happy community. Wrecker was also having the time of his life, trying out some of the varieties of food that his taste buds hadn’t touched yet. Tech and Phee were just talking together with a few drinks, I could tell Phee had a thing for Tech. It was obvious when we met her back on Ord Mantell in Cid’s office.

Robin stayed next to me the entire night. I know she was looking out for me due to my enhanced sensitivity, but I should be the one looking out for her. She can’t protect herself, she’s fragile, and if I’m not there to protect her... I can’t imagine what will happen.

Robin POV

              Every time I watch Hunter, I always see him uncomfortable. He missed the easiest games which one of which is just throwing a ball at a few cans. Every time he loses, he’s just frustrated. I started to feel guilty for bringing him here. I was selfish for knowing and not thinking about his senses, and just thinking he would be alright. He’s suffering. Hunter is just trying to hold it back, he didn’t want to ruin this for everyone. He didn’t want to ruin this special moment for Omega.

              They barely experienced these kinds of moments, it was rare for them all. It probably felt abnormal for them after a year of running or so, always having to stay alert, having to sleep with a blaster under their pillow before they go to bed. Yes, I know of this. Wrecker’s blaster was showing from under his pillow one time when I was alone on the Marauder, just helping to clean up the place. I even checked Tech’s, which I’m thankful for since Tech never lets anyone touch his things on his bunk. I was safe that day.

              I was walking next to Hunter when I noticed how he was looking around, he was getting angsty, and I couldn’t take this anymore. I’m helping him whether he likes it or not.

“Hunter...?”

When I spoke aloud softly, he stopped and looked at me, letting out a hum to let me continue.

“Everything okay?”

I watched as Hunter took a deep breath before giving a tired smile.

“Everything’s okay, don’t worry about me, Robin.”

I gave him a frown and looked at his face, he’s trying to hide it again...

“Hunter, I know you’re trying to hide it.”

We both were in a long silence. he knew I wanted to help him, but he’s too stubborn to admit he needs help. I’m trying not to push him to admit it. But there was one thing we forgot about...

Our hands have been together for a while, we just haven’t even noticed yet.

              “Just... Let me help you...”

After staring at each other for a while, I was about to walk away. But all of a sudden, I felt a slight tug on my arm. I realized I was still holding hands with him. He noticed as well. We both pulled our hands away, looking away in embarrassment. I felt a little empty when we let go, the texture of his gloved-calloused hand, his hold was gentle and safe on mine that which made my heart full. What I didn’t know was that Hunter glanced at me for a moment before looking away. I finally spoke out loud after a while and turned to face him.

“I’m sor- “

“I’m sor- “

We both spoke at the same time unexpectedly, he was surprised as I was. I noticed the slight tint on his cheeks, but his facial tattoo on the left side of his face was darkening his blush. He kind of looks Handsome... I started to feel a slight flutter in my heart.

I realized what I was thinking and felt heat crawl up my face, a light tint of pink forming over my cheeks in embarrassment.

“Uh... I’m sorry, I didn’t realize I was still holding your hand.”

He shook his head and raised a hand to rub the back of his head.

              “I should apologize too...”

I shook my head as well and frowned.

              “You don’t have to, Hunter.”

We stood in an awkward silence. Until it was broken by Omega.

              “Hunter!”

              We both looked towards Omega’s way and saw her running down the pavement with Layana, smiling brightly from the day’s events. When they got to us, Omega looked up at Hunter.

              “They’re going to have fireworks soon! Layana and her friends have a spot to watch it. Can I go, pleaseee?”

I watched the little girl smile up at Hunter for permission. He knew there wasn’t any danger here on Pabu, so he was probably okay with it.

              “Have fun.”

              Omega and Layana shared a triumphant yes and started returning to where they came from. I let out a soft chuckle as I watched Omega with her new friends. When I looked at Hunter, he was smiling as he watched Omega run off. I felt my heart flutter again with admiration and... tenderness. He still looked on edge, thinking what could happen anytime. I hope one day it will end for him, so it won’t consume him for the rest of his life.

              I noticed how the lantern light glistened in his eyes, the shape of his eyes, I could even see the lines on his face, to the dark circles under his eyes. The sharp line of his jaw with the faint stubble of his fading into the darkness of his half-skull tattoo on the left side of his face. His long hair blew softly in the wind, the red bandana wrapped around his head to hold up the hair so it wouldn’t be in the way. I didn’t realize I’ve been staring for about 2 minutes until he looked down at me. I felt my face flush again and looked away towards the stalls as if I was interested in any of them.

I feel so stupid.

Hunter POV

              When I looked down at her, I saw the flushed expression on her face before she looked away. Oh no. This isn’t good. Did I do something wrong? Was it from holding her hand? I should’ve known, but for some reason, it never came to my consciousness for a while. My gloved hand started to ache for her hand, I felt my heart skip a beat at the thought. Why am I getting ahead of myself when all we are is friends?

Could she ever think of me as “that” kind of friend...?

I need to make it up to her for that action of mine. What would make her feel better...?

I cleared my throat and looked around before speaking.

              “See anything interesting?”

She glanced for a moment and nodded at me.

              “Yep, there are a lot of things. And you?”

I shook my head softly before sighing.

              “Same.”

Okay, not what I was planning on, how about buying her something? Would that cheer her up?

              “Would you like to go look around and see more? If you do, I’ll get it for you.”

I tilt my head towards one of the stalls as I look down at her. Before answering, Robin looked up at my eyes and smiled with a nod.

              “Sure, if that’s okay with you.”

I gave a smile back before whispering down at her.

              “It will be, but don’t tell the guys. I won’t be able to hear the end of it.”

              My comment made a soft chuckle come out of her mouth, her eyes sparked a little at the half-hearted joke of mine. It was true that the boys would tease me down; they knew I was close to Robin, and if they found out about this, I would try to dig my grave on the spot.

              We did find one thing, Robin liked this one necklace that had a small silver design of a Plumeria flower with a small diamond set in the middle of the flower. I started to imagine Robin wearing this on the beach with her light blue and white hibiscus-patterned summer dress blowing in the wind, her hair down, and smiling in delight at me... This was perfect.

But she didn’t want to get it, she said she wanted to get it herself, rather than for me to buy for her.

              So, while she wasn’t looking, I had whispered to the Stallman and bought the necklace behind her back. I’ll plan on giving this to her soon. I smiled at the thought of her reaction, she’ll be a little mad, but at the same time happy. I want her to be happy...

As I tucked the necklace safely in one of the pockets of my vest, I realized the locals were all waiting for the fireworks to show.

              Now my senses are getting worse, fireworks are going to make me throw up if I stay any longer, I have to figure out a way to be far from it, but at the same time, not leave Robin and the others behind. But while I was thinking, I felt a tug on my arm and looked down to see Robin looking up at me. Her eyes looked up at mine once I did.

Before I could reply, she spoke.

              “Want to go? I think the fireworks would make your senses worse, right?”

I blinked in confusion for a moment. How did she-

Never mind, she probably remembered about my enhanced senses. I gave her a small smile and nod.

              “You’re right, but where should we go?”

She looked around for a moment before letting out a soft hum.

              “Let’s take a boat, we’ll use Shep’s. He wouldn’t mind.”

              When we finally made it down to the docks, we found Shep’s boat. I get on first before helping her down, taking her hand as she steps down, as my free hand subconsciously places itself on the small of her back, through the white dress she wore, I could feel her soft skin. I felt my heart skip a beat.

              Once she sat down, I sat myself near the control panel and started the motor on. The boat starts moving. It takes us about a few minutes to be a little far enough to get a pleasant view of the island, I stop the motor before setting the small platform on the side down. Once it was firm, I sat on the edge and looked back at her and smiled.

“It’s good now.”

              When she heard me, she gave back a smile. Before sitting next to me, she took her slippers off and placed them under the seat, then sat next to me. I noticed her scooting a bit closer before dipping her feet in the water.

              We were fully alone... Nothing but the distant sounds of laughter and shouts of exclamation on the island, the waves crashing softly against the boat, rocking it slowly. The soft breeze of wind on both of us as the moon shines down.

Just us.

 When I looked at her, I felt something, I always kept resisting it, and saying it was foolish. But for a moment I thought...

              She looks so beautiful...

              “Is... this the first time seeing fireworks?”

When she broke the silence, I looked at her, then back at the Island. I let out a soft sigh before shaking my head.

              “Other than the sparks of designators? No, so yea, it’s my first time.”

She gave me a soft chuckle before looking back at the island. As she was kicking her feet in the water softly, she spoke.

              “Back at my home planet, we would have a 3-day event to celebrate the old king of Sparrin. The fireworks were amazing and would make stories out of them, It felt so real to me when I was little, and still is. But when the war came to my planet, I...”

              When she cut off her sentence, I realized Robin was on the verge of tears. It must have been hard to talk about this to anyone. But seeing her crying... It made my heart ache with sympathy. I place my hand softly on top of hers and frown.

              “You don’t have to talk anymore, it’s alright...”

I saw a tear fall on her lap, the single drop staining her dress slightly.

              I watched as she used her free hand to wipe her eyes from the tears. Her fingers brushed under her eyelid where the tears were forming. She lets out a soft breath before continuing.

              “Thank you. I’m alright now...”

              I knew she was holding back the tears but yet they kept falling. Without thinking, my hand reached up and lifted her chin, her teary eyes looking up at my own. Her cheeks flush from the crying and maybe my intimate gesture...

              “Are you sure you’re okay...?”

              I softly whisper as my hand moves from her chin to the softness of her cheek, my thumb running over her cheekbone where her tear stains are. I was silently thanking any force, god, that this was an excuse for me to hold her face. The ache to hold her cheek was filled and satisfied.

              I watched as she slowly closed her eyes when my thumb was close to her eye, the way her lashes fell in place together when her eyes closed. I could feel her heartbeat, the light pumping of it from my closeness, even my heart was pounding. We are so close, I feel her soft breathing from her nose to my lips.

              I started to lean a little closer, the urge to kiss her was unnoticeable. My mind was screaming in my head to stop before it’s too late, while my heart said just kiss her damn it. Her lips looked so welcoming. My heart was rapidly pounding as I got closer. Just one more inch closer than I could-

              Then the fireworks started, the loud boom in the distance exploding in the air with bright colors interrupted the moment, I immediately pulled away and let go of her cheek before she opened her eyes to look at the fireworks.

              “They look so pretty...”

              I look back at her as she watched them, a smile forms on her face as she watches them. I started to feel a bit angry at myself for doing that, she probably won’t talk to me for a while. I let out a nod and a soft exhale.

              ��Yeah, they do...”

But that wasn’t the only thing that was pretty... As we sat in silence, we both forgot about our hands, still together as we watched the fireworks…

>>>Part 2 Taggie baddies>>>>

@crosshairs-dumb-pimp-gf @orangez3st @precioustech @alor-ika @leenathegreengirl @eyecandyeoz @skellymom

[everpresence]

I was wrong.

over the last few weeks, i started heavily questioning my beliefs.

i noticed that some of my desires came in faster than other desires. some of them (as you may see in my recent posts) took years to reflect, but some of them got reflected so fast at the speed of light.

i’ve been told by various people that there’s usually a time delay for desires to materialize in the 3D, and for some reason, it resonated with me. that’s why i mention it in my answers because i was merely basing it off of my own experiences with the law.

but something clicked for me recently. i watched a video by missy renee, about why people haven’t seen their manifestations for years. i’m just going to put it out there that you don’t need to pay for coaching. there are a lot of manifesting coaches that don’t know what they’re talking about, and when you read source, it’s a lot more telling. missy renee is not one of those coaches. she has read source and has even applied those teachings into her life. if i have to recommend a coach for you to watch, though, it would be her.

anyways, there was a line that she said that i immediately wrote down because it caused so much confusion in me. basically, she said that the reason why we have yet to see things come to pass is because we are still identifying with our old beliefs — our old story — and due to this, we become double-minded. this double-mindedness is then perceived as the “time delay.”

in that moment, i slowly leaned back in my chair. it was an “a-ha” moment for me, but it was also a little harrowing.

how long have i held myself back from just accepting that i am the person that i wanted to be? how long have i been limiting myself, telling myself the old story over and over again like a broken record? more importantly, i’ve been telling other people that there is such thing as a “time delay” because i decided that i should experience the delay.

so when i wrote a list and just allowed my higher self to figure it out, some of them came in so fucking fast at the speed of light. it stunned me. that’s when i realized that i was holding a false belief.

i never thought that i’d be writing an apology post, but here i am. i’m holding myself accountable because i was the one that wrote that there is such thing as a “time delay,” but in reality, there isn’t. sure, you don’t have to be pitch perfect with your beliefs, but when this desire has no conflict with your beliefs — when you have no resistance, when you aren’t arguing with yourself about whether you have it or not — then there’s no delay.

i remember some people said that it should not take more than thirty days, and i used to think that it’s bullshit, but now i can clearly see that there is a reason why they believe this. it’s not even about the length of time, but about how frequent you return to the state. it’s all about you accepting that the person you want to be is who you are now.

besides that, i want this post to be a reminder that everyone’s beliefs are constantly changing. there is always going to be expansion, growth, an inevitable withering of the old beliefs and the blossoming of new beliefs the more we learn about how this all works. this is why i want people to go back to reading source, to not always take everyone’s posts as “truth” or “the gospel” because we are all still learning in the end. learning never ends.

edit: i don't mean to say all this for you to start focusing on the physical reality as your primary reality. i still wholeheartedly believe that this is merely a reflection of your beliefs, and ultimately, it is all about who you are choosing to be right now despite what it looks like.

[cosmiclily]

.ᐟ chapter one: can you see me using everything to hold back?

wc: 1k

cw: talk about death of parents (literally one sentence)

the first time we met, the first thing I noticed about vi was her ridiculous haircut and how she had the most beautiful blue eyes i had ever seen (which wasn’t saying much, considering I was only 10). i instantly wanted to be her friend. but my mom had told me that she and powder were still adjusting and their situation was a little delicate since they had just lost their parents. so, i held myself back as much as I could.

three weeks later, when the adoption papers were signed by vander and they officially became his daughters, i was given the mission of helping the girls feel at home. they were very shy at first, but ekko and i helped them, and in no time, vander’s house had become their home. from then on, vi and I became the best of friends. i covered for her when she got into fights at school, we studied together, played together, we were basically inseparable.

i remember one afternoon not long after the adoption. vi was sitting on the roof, kicking her legs idly and staring at the stars. she looked lost in thought. I hesitated for a moment, not sure if i should bother her, but eventually, i walked over and sat beside her.

“what’re you doing out here all by yourself?” i asked, trying to sound casual.

“just thinking,” she said, her voice quiet. she didn’t look at me, but her hands fidgeted with the hem of her shirt. “it’s weird, you know? having a new home.”

i didn’t know what to say to that, so i just nodded. “yeah, I guess it would be.”

she finally looked at me, her gaze piercing but soft “do you think it’ll get easier?”

i smiled, trying to reassure her even though I wasn’t sure myself. “yeah, i think so. you’ve got vander now. and powder. and… me.”

she smiled for the first time that day. “you’re not too bad, I guess.”

i laughed. “not too bad? wow, thanks for the compliment.”

──────────────────────

life couldn’t have been better—until we got to high school and vi had a growth spurt and became insufferable. not only did she get taller and figure out how to manage her hair, but she also developed a sense of style and made it her mission to break every heart in zaun. Suddenly, every hallway we walked down was filled with girls trying to catch her attention, and she seemed to enjoy it.

one day, as we walked home together, i couldn’t help but tease her about it.

“you know, you’ve got a fan club now,” i said, smirking.

vi raised an eyebrow. “a fan club? what are you talking about?”

i gestured back towards the school. “those girls who basically tripped over themselves trying to say hi to you. pretty sure one of them nearly fainted when you smiled at her.”

she laughed, a confident sound that only made her more infuriating. “can i help it if people think i’m charming?”

i rolled my eyes. “charming? not so sure. annoying? definitely.”

she bumped her shoulder against mine, her grin widening. “admit it, you’d miss me if i wasn’t around.”

i looked away, trying to hide the flush on my cheeks. “yeah, right. you’re just my backup for when ekko’s busy.”

“liar,” she said, laughing again.

i shouldn’t have cared about any of that, but my brain decided it would be a fantastic idea to fall in love with her. so, every time she had a girl around—whether it was someone new she was flirting with or a girlfriend she brought home—i had to pretend life was great and that it didn’t affect me at all.

it got harder as time went on. every stolen glance at her became more unbearable, every casual touch felt like torture, and every time i saw her with someone else, it felt like a reminder that she’d never look at me the way I wanted her to. but i couldn’t show it, couldn’t let her or anyone else know how I felt. i was scared our friendship would suffer the consequences of my feelings, so i buried it deep, pretending that everything was fine.

which it was, it actually became second nature by the time we moved in together for college.

our apartment was small but comfortable, and vi's personality seemed to fill every corner. she had insisted on hanging a crooked poster of a rock band that jinx had gifted her—a band she loved—in the living room, despite all my protests.

“it’s not crooked,” she argued, stepping back and tilting her head. “it’s artistic.”

“it’s crooked,” i said, crossing my arms. “fix it or i’m taking it out.”

vi grinned at me. “if i fix it, where’s the fun in watching you suffer?”

“you’re impossible.”

“you love me,” she said casually, turning to grab her drink from the counter. my heart stuttered, and I quickly looked away before she could see my face.

“unfortunately” i said, but it came out without the bite intended.

──────────────────────

late one night, we were sitting on the balcony, watching the city lights. vi leaned back in her chair, her legs propped up on the railing, as she stared up at the sky.

“do you ever think about what’s next?” she asked suddenly, breaking the comfortable silence.

“what do you mean?” i asked, sipping my coffee.

“like… after college. what we’re gonna do. where we’ll end up.” she looked at me then, her expression softer than usual. “do you think we’ll still be close?”

the question caught me off guard, and I had to force myself to answer without hesitating. “of course. Why wouldn’t we be?”

she shrugged, her gaze drifting back to the stars. “i don’t know. life happens. people drift apart.”

“not us,” i said firmly, surprising even myself. “we’ve been through too much. you’re stuck with me, violet.”

she smiled, her eyes catching the faint glow of the streetlights. “good. i like having you around.”

my chest tightened, and I looked away before she could see the way her words affected me. “someone’s gotta keep you out of trouble.”

“hey, I’m a model citizen,” she teased, laughing. “you’re the bad influence here.”

i laughed too, even though the ache in my heart lingered. she had no idea the effect she had on me.

──────────────────────

album - track 2

notes: chapter one heehee, english isn’t my first language so i’m sorry for any mistakes!! this is basically just an introduction for the characters not much plot going on but i hope you guys enjoyed either way !!

[breadandlottery]

I think I'm going to make people upset but let's go Do you think Gi Hun has grown in terms of character development? In my opinion, what bothers me most about round 6 is the lack of significant growth in gi hun because he doesn't seem to have lost several people in the first season he remains naive I expected an improvement or development from a person who has already won the games. I would like you to answer me, I love your analyses.

My dear anon, apologies in advance for what is sure to be a very lengthy response…

I would like to say first that this is a tough question for me to answer with confidence since we haven’t seen season 3 and because it feels a little like a season 2A and season 2B situation. 

I’ve been working through scenes that I’m flagging in my mind for moments that should have raised red flags for Gihun but, from what we’re shown, didn’t. As I often tag ramble about, I do hold out some hope that he had legitimate suspicions of 001 and a loose backup plan. I have also noted that, interestingly, s2 does not have any of the flashback/realization scenes we were given several times in s1 and honestly, that feels very intentional? Like we’re supposed to notice it’s missing (I also have thoughts about ADHD Gihun, but that may just be me projecting because I’m real familiar with the exact kind of lightbulb moments he has, lol). My hunch/hope is that the show has been misdirecting us to make us believe everything you just said about the apparent lack of character development.

Now, I do think there has absolutely been character evolution. I can understand fans not seeing it as “development”, because I think we tend to think of character development as positive growth, but honestly, it doesn’t have to be… like a villain arc is still character development (just an example, I do not think this is a villain arc situation). I think instead of a lack of character development, I’d be more apt to call it a lack of “learning his lesson” or a lack of apotheosis (the point of realization/epiphany).

If we view squid game as monomyth/hero’s journey, he’s kind of not to the point yet where that would have happened (because the end of S2 would be the abyss?). Now, am I certain that the story being told is a hero’s journey? No, although I am somewhat confident.

So— I'm working under the assumption that we have a hero’s journey told in trilogy format. We have a LOT of comparison media out there… the Matrix, Star Wars, LOTR, among the most popular. What does the end of the middle installment of all of these have in common? They’re bleak af. 

Matrix: Neo unconscious, Agent Smith breaking into the real world

Star wars: Luke battles  Vader and loses his hand/almost dies, Han encased in carbonite

LOTR: Gollum’s betrayal, battle of Helm’s Deep (a win but with an ominous warning accompanying it)

The psuedo trilogy structure is where I do feel slightly perturbed at netflix for passing off a split season as 2 separate seasons. With a “real” trilogy, each component should be able to stand alone (like with 3 act structure-- set up-> conflict -> resolution) which is true of the examples above because the primary narrative conflict is actually resolved but super not true of squid game s2. Which means s2 and 3 combined could be the middle of the trilogy, with the mystery future season being the final part, but I don’t know that that’s in the cards. 

As an aside, we could just be totally wrong about the direction this is going in. Narrative arcs that involve the protagonist “learning a lesson” isn’t a universal concept. I always think of James Bond movies (especially the older ones) as an example of a “flat arc” character, because like, if you sleep with her she’s probably gonna die James, didn’t you learn this last time? If you’re too reckless there will be consequences, didn’t you learn this last time James? Like. That guy never learns. Not every character learns from their mistakes. Do I think Gihun is ultimately gonna be a flat arc character? No. Is it possible? I guess, man, look at the world, anything’s possible!!

So, ugh, sorry that’s a ton of speculation and uncertainty that isn’t directly answering your ask, but I do think that any of these possibilities can explain what we’re calling a lack of character development because we’re just not at that point in the story yet.

NOW.

Personally, I do think that Gihun is very perceptive, and I hold out hope that he wasn’t as trusting and oblivious as we’re made to think. I also believe that even if that is the case, he’d still have further to go/more development needed before he could actually reach the end of his journey. The reason for this (and I think one of the reasons people sometimes think of him as not smart) is the narrowness of his worldview. Not narrowmindedness, just literally not having broad knowledge about the world. Like not knowing where Pakistan was. Or not really getting that neither he nor the Frontman have the power to end what's happening because it is a symptom of a much larger, systemic problem. And in complete fairness to this sweet man, lack of perspective and a narrow worldview is an incredibly common flaw in people. 

So a few things that can be interpreted as Stagnation or Lack of Development:

Still a gambler: as seen in Russian Roulette and in going back into the game. Definitely risky, definitely reckless. He is like kinda suicidal though, so I don’t know that the underlying cause of this behavior is the same as it was in s1.

Still just out here trusting everyone: Yeah. That’s what he does, though. He came right out and said it, he doesn’t do it because he thinks people are trustworthy, he does it because what else is he gonna do? Is this a dumb-as-shit approach that should be “character-developed” out of him? Or is it a very important key defining feature of who he is as the hero of the story? I could go either way on that, tbh.

Naïve/easy to fool: I don’t think he ever was all that easy to fool, I think he consciously chose to let a lot of things slide and/or second-guessed his intuition because people called him stupid and slow all the time. 

Things that I think are Character Development

Ability to Focus: Maybe I’m ADHD projecting again, but this guy was all over the place in the beginning of s1, now he’s running a whole ass operation (maybe the medicine Mr Kim brought over was secretly adderall lol).

Leadership: I’ve said all along he just naturally exudes leadership, but he wasn’t really aware of it or comfortable with it in s1. In s2 he’s really embracing decision-making (even if they’re bad decisions) and seems comfortable being the one planning and leading, which is impressive.

So. To sum up a very very long answer:

I do see character development, if not the “hero finally learned his lesson” kind

I do still think it’s possible that Gihun wasn’t quite as clueless as we’re shown, and I’ll cling to this delusion until at least June 27th lol

I think it’s possibly too early in the narrative for his full revelation, anyway, but-

Part of why that feels “off” is because s2 is missing the “last Act” of the story it was telling (like don’t split a sequel in 2 and try to shoehorn it into a trilogy if it’s not an actual trilogy please for the love of god it throws off the balance)

[shannonsketches]

Rewatching Battle of the Gods and mAN. If you're ever scrolling my dbTag and going 'Sketches, what do you mean Toei does the same plot but completely changes the story, that makes no sense.' I'm talking about Character-Driven Storytelling. And the difference between Toriyama's Character-Driven Story and Toei's Plot-Driven Story is Most Glaring in comparing Super's movies and the anime retellings of Super's movies, because the screenplays for the last four movies were written by Toriyama, and obviously the show was not.

I saw BotG back first when it came out, before the anime was released, and The Point Of It was that it was the very first Dragon Ball story in which Goku failed and Vegeta was left in the position of The Protagonist, due to all of the growth he experienced in DBZ (Beerus in this movie takes Goku down immediately, and does not compliment him at all. King Kai, in this movie, has nothing rude to say about Vegeta and just warns him not to engage with Beerus because Goku just tried and lost, which freaks Vegeta out). So even while Goku still is the guy who gets to fight Beerus in the end, the majority of the movie is about Vegeta's efforts to not have a fight at all.

Like this is the Whole Thesis of Super (as Toriyama wrote it). Vegeta is being handed the mantle of Earth's Guardian (because as Piccolo points out later, he was a Prince and is becoming nostalgic as he gets older (as so many do), so his role is slowly coming full circle back to a proud inherited leadership position, which Goku has no interest in.)

You may have seen me complain about Vegeta and Bulma's dynamic being weird and bad in the anime despite them having been married for ~12 years by this point.

That's because the reason for and the dialogue from when Vegeta gets to the party was completely revised. In the show, Vegeta goes because Bulma yelled at him.

In the movie, he is still wearing his armor because he left training and went straight to the party with the Express Purpose of keeping everyone safe. Bulma not only knew Vegeta was training and expected would be there eventually, but also immediately recognizes something is wrong when he does finally arrive, because he is still wearing his armor, and she notes that him being broody like this is, by this point, unusual.

His behavior is, of course, is because he because he is trying to sense Beerus -- who he has just been told would destroy the Earth if anyone engaged with him. The game of the whole movie becomes Vegeta acting Completely Insane and throwing his pride aside to make sure everyone is safe, because protecting Earth and his family has become his top priority.

His frustration isn't because he finds her or any of the Z Fighters annoying. It's because he is trying to manage a problem that he can't tell anyone about, for fear that the other fighters will get involved and try and solve the problem -- especially if they learn this man's harmed Goku -- and Vegeta knows their good intentions will only make matters worse.

His outburst is because Bulma is (two glasses of champagne into her day and) trying to talk to him while he's trying to concentrate on locating this massive incoming threat he can't find. And what's more is that his raising his voice to Bulma is a shock to everyone.

Including Bulma.

Because the point is he is not normally like this.

And even though Vegeta can't sense Beerus' ki, he knows when Beerus is present, because he is suddenly terrified.

And then the gag becomes that Beerus speaks to Vegeta only, and Vegeta doesn't yet remember exactly who Beerus is or what he looks like, so he looks Completely Insane trying to find him,

When Vegeta does finally find Beerus, he immediately remembers who he is and treats him with the utmost respect, because he understands how Heirarchy works (this is completely changed in the anime, and turned into an attempted fight, for some reason).

Because he will not tell anybody what's going on, who Beerus is, or why he's there, because the risk is JUST too high, he just plays along with Bulma's assumption that they're friends of his. Which means Bulma (who is absolutely plastered) happily invites them to come party with everyone, leaving Vegeta the incredibly comedic task of running context-free interference for the universe's most temperamental god while the most fight-minded people on the planet are getting drunk.

Toei loves pretending Vegeta can't interact with people in a normal way, but Toriyama loved reminding the class that Vegeta is a seasoned professional with 25+ years in a semi-corporate military force who can and regularly does behave as one.

The whole bit of this arc is Vegeta being so scared of his planet and his family being destroyed (again) that he is willing to sacrifice his pride to herd a cat, because Dragon Ball has always been a comedy and Toei is so bad at remembering it's a comedy

I will also die mad that in the anime Gotenks fights first, when in the movie Trunks (as he has before) got involved when he saw Beerus beat his dad, and Vegeta begged him not to fight. Gotenks getting spanked (literally and figuratively) by Beerus is also what got Vegeta back on his feet.

Then there's this (y'all when I tell you someone at Toei fucking hates Vegeta,,)

For context, in the anime Beerus compliments Goku and insults Vegeta. Surprisingly no one, in the movie it is The Opposite. Beerus never says a bad word about Vegeta (and doesn't say anything to Goku after their first fight), and compliments his fighting instincts. And that's before Bulma gets hit.

In the anime, Vegeta can't do anything to Beerus, who drags him for like two minutes straight. Then he walks away from Vegeta, who cannot bring himself to stand, and takes his aim.

In the movie, Vegeta gets back up when Gotenks is knocked down, compliments Beerus, and accepts that the gap is too wide between them. Beerus decides it's time to be done here and charges directly at Vegeta.

Vegeta does not defend himself, does not dodge, does not flinch, and does not break eye contact. Then he says it might be an honor to be killed by Beerus (complimenting Beerus) (where in the anime he says it might be a proud way to go (complimenting himself)), and is ready to die on his feet.

(note: He doesn't say anything about pride, because his actions speak for him, as is very commonly the case with Toriyama's Vegeta, whose pride is loudest in his quiet confidence, not in his insecure outbursts).

The other major difference I absolutely hate in the anime is that for some reason they decided Beerus hitting Bulma was a long, drawn out, dramatic thing.

In the anime almost a full minute passes between her hitting him and him hitting her back. She hits him first, then lectures him, then the rest of that time is spent cutting between Beerus winding up and Vegeta reacting to him winding up, despite The Rest of the Party standing Right There and anyone could've easily pulled her away (Piccolo, for example, is unharmed and standing, and is literally like ten feet from where it happens. He has expanding limbs. Non-Issue of Moving Bulma).

NO. [spray bottle sounds] BAD WRITING.

The point of that moment, in the movie, is that it's a 'blink and you'll miss it' moment. THREE SECONDS pass between the moment she strikes Beerus and the moment he hits back. Vegeta only has time to be shocked that Bulma slapped him, because Beerus' rebuttal happens So Quickly, absolutely no one could've reacted fast enough to stop it. And even if it had been more drawn out -- because Vegeta had Beerus follow him away from the party to fight so that nobody else got hurt, Gotenks and Bulma both end up following him out there, and while everyone else stayed back and watched, nobody was close enough to stop it.

The point of that moment is to be Shocking. There is no wind up, there's no drama, there's not even a music cue. It is Completely Unexpected, for the characters and the audience alike, and that's why Vegeta has such an extreme reaction. He had No Time to brace himself for what was about to go down and No Time to change it.

This is another scene that was fully About Vegeta that Toei made About Someone Else (Beerus), changing the shot to a group shot of his power up and immediately having Beerus block all of the attacks, where Toriyama said, "Vegeta's strength scared the SHIT out of Beerus for a hot sec"

And if you've been following along in my vent tags about why Toei's writing is so bad and what they constantly center everything around, you can probably guess why the premise for this movie was changed so dramatically. But if you're new here, it's this:

It's because Vegeta's SSJ1 could do what Goku's SSJ3 couldn't.

And Vegeta didn't even notice, because he is not Trying to beat Goku. After his own fight and until he shows back up, Goku's probably only mentioned twice, because this ain't about him. Vegeta's not even really trying to beat Beerus here. He's not trying to prove anything. It's not about power or pride or saiyans or being the best, it's PURELY about protecting the people (specifically in this instance, the woman) he loves. ALL of which become the theme of, "Vegeta you are stupid powerful when you can stop overthinking everything."

But that's not allowed in Toei's writing room, nO SIR!!!

Bonus Part 1: Someone at Toei Hates Vegeta part 41238712: The episode About Vegeta's Response to Bulma Getting Hurt is basically titled 'Yay, Goku's Back', because despite stretching this 1hr45m movie out into 14 Episodes, the one that is about Vegeta surpassing Goku (in the movie) and fighting to defend his wife of Over a Decade is a five minute fight scene followed by twelve minutes of Oolong's two minute rock-paper-scissor gag.

What was the fight scene, you may ask??? Instead of having Vegeta know he's not strong enough and still stand in Beerus' way, for Beerus to say 'chill out, I told you it's over' and tap Geets on the forehead to knock him out cold, like the movie --

They decide to have Vegeta just stop trying mid-fight, have Beerus tell him he's too weak to be a threat, then add that he had more fun fighting Goku before knocking Vegeta on the chin and having him land on his back fully conscious.

God I hate Toei's writing aksldjlaskdalkj

Bonus Part 2: That thing Vegeta spent the entire movie trying to avoid telling his wife because it would've scared the shit out her and ruined her party, scares the shit out of her and definitely would've ruined her party.

Crazy that he knew that and did everything in his power to keep it from becoming her problem. He treats her like she's his wife or something ahahaha 🔪 toei 🔪 hahaha

anyway if you figure you've seen the anime so you don't need to watch the movies cause they're basically the same no they're not they're only the same in terms of Basic Plot Points, PLEASE do yourself and your writing skills a favor and watch the movies

[marvelmaniac715]

I was watching ‘The Well’ the other day with my mum, and she asked the rather scornful question of “what is it with this touchy-feely Doctor?” That got me thinking, so here’s my answer. On the spot, I told her “I think he’s trying to heal himself”, and since then I’ve thought about my response and I think I’ve worked out the Doctor’s current mental state.

Prior to this current incarnation, the Doctor rarely stopped, always running and trying to stop monsters, and though he had many close friends, he wasn’t always as affectionate with them. Either because there wasn’t any time, or because he was afraid that he’d do something wrong or grieve if he got too close or revealed too many vulnerable truths. Just look at what happened between the Doctor and the Master back when they were kids. Look at what happened to River Song. He didn’t think that he could fully trust himself around the people he cared about because his time with them would always end, inevitably.

But then, he bi-generated, to stay with Donna - a person who he thought he’d lost forever. For once, he wasn’t allowed to run, he just had to stay with his family and process everything he’d experienced. I’m sure he grieved, I’m sure he remembered every single death, every defeat, every time he couldn’t save someone, but beyond that sorrow there was hope, and a chance for more open communication. He’d already seen his next incarnation, who seemed so happy and fulfilled, finally coping with the ghosts of their past, so he had a glimpse of a bright future where he’d maybe be okay.

Now we have the Fifteenth Doctor. He tells Ruby his origins as soon as she asks - he probably doesn’t see the point of keeping that sort of secret anymore - he tells the Space Babies about his status as a foundling, because he’s finally been able to fully process that trauma, and he’s offering more hugs to his companions because even though he’s much more cheerful, he’ll never know what day will be the last time he’ll get to interact with his loved ones. Hence his ‘touchy-feely’ nature, and his crying does make a lot of sense in my opinion - he lets himself feel the negative emotions he’s always suppressed, finally taking his own words (or, rather, Clara Oswald’s words - we love a haunting-the-narrative queen) to heart - fear is a superpower, it “makes companions of us all”. That’s why I love Ncuti Gatwa’s Doctor so much, as a person who has also had to process and heal from trauma in my past, becoming a much happier person as a result. Sure, he still has plenty of inner darkness and secrets, but his personal growth is truly beautiful in my opinion.

[beauty-and-passion]

also yes i think you should talk about dipcifica i love the old man yaoi as much as the next guy but i also will always crave this kind of "coming of age" love story

Glad to comply! Here are my points about why Dipcifica is canon and endgame and everything:

1) Dipper and Pacifica are a walking "enemies to friends to lovers" trope. It literally started with Dipper saying to her face he doesn't like her, what's more clichè than that? When he said it, all I could hear was "We will definitely become a thing in the future".

And guess what? After a while, Dipper changed his mind: now he doesn't think Pacifica is the worst anymore. The next step is admitting she's great, asking her out and becoming a couple.

2) "Northwest Mansion Mystery" is basically a huge Dipcifica manifesto, thanks to the introduction of more tropes like:

the characters are put into nice suits

Pacifica fixes Dipper's clothes like a good wife

these two share an adventure together - which is universally something that would strengthen the bond between two people

their daring escape ends with a hug, given out of a sincere emotional reaction

the hug is followed by some cute awkwardness (especially from Pacifica's side)

Dipper and Pacifica share a heartfelt moment in which she reveals her insecurities, something we can be 99% sure she doesn't usually do. Also because... with whom can she share them? Her parents? Her supposed friends?

Dipper changes his mind about Pacifica after understanding her a bit more (which is always the interlude for the development of romantic feelings)

Pacifica finds the strength to do the right thing, only after Dipper sacrifices himself

the episode ends with them having fun together, laughing and enjoying their time. Also, it's implied they probably spent some time after the party to clean up the mess they made - so who knows? Maybe they shared some more time together and talked a lot more.

I mean... I've seen love stories start with less than that.

3) Dipper and Pacifica have another adventure together in Lost Legends. The formula is similar to Northwest Mansion Mystery: Pacifica has an issue (caused by her shitty parents), Dipper doesn't understand what her problem is, they share a heartfelt moment in which she reveals her weakness, Dipper tells all the right things, they hug, Pacifica does the right thing.

This is another way to reconfirm what the episode in the series already told us: these two have chemistry. They are meant to be. They are a walking enemies to friends to lovers trope - with a side dish of "slow burn" too. And we all love slow-burn stories <3

But this adventure shows us something else: how things have changed since Northwest Mansion Mystery and especially how Dipper's attitude has evolved towards Pacifica. In the episode, he is still very wary of her and makes it clear multiple times that he dislikes her.

Now he says this:

This is basically the Dipcifica equivalent of "I once considered him the center of my life, the sun in my galaxy", only with less toxic old men yaoi and more wholesomeness

it shows how Dipper's attitude is more mature

it implies he can and will develop romantic feelings for her. I mean, look at it: "I've noticed another side of you", "I see the real one and you're more than a pretty face"... gosh, if Pacifica hadn't fallen in love before, she definitely did after that.

it also shows Dipper's growth regarding women: my boy went from making huge, complex plans to talk to them, to lying to get random girls, to saying the truth in such a smooth way. He's great with girls when he doesn't try, he makes me so proud <3

4) Now I know what you think: great points, Bea, but does this couple have Mabel's approval stamp? Billford got it with Mabel calling Bill a clingy ex and telling him to get a crush on someone else's Grunkle. Does Dipcifica have Mabel's approval?

The answer is yes:

Do I have to say anything else? I think Mabel already said anything. Dipper and Pacifica are. A. Thing.

And yes, I know what you might say: they are kids! Sure they are, but that doesn't mean there can't be anything in the future. There is time for them to grow and for these feelings to develop. What we saw in the series and in Lost Legends are the crumbs, the foundation of something bigger that can evolve in the future.

And this is a great foundation because it's plausible and stable. Dipper and Pacifica's interactions never sound forced or out of character: on the contrary, they are built in a way that conciliates both personalities and justifies their changes and evolution.

If we can easily imagine a future for them, it's because their change is organic, it works in the long run - Pacifica can easily become better and better, while she works out her issue and shows the beautiful person she is. And Dipper can easily become more and more aware of what a great girl she is and start to develop deeper feelings for her. It's not impossible to imagine. It works.

And yes, this proves again how well Hirsch developed Gravity Falls and its characters, if we can easily imagine a future for them just out of a few, well-built interactions.

[jamesunderwater]

Coming of Age Era

rated G - 1.3k words - birthday fluff - written for @jilymicrofics January 30th prompt "narrative" (but then I went over 1k and also really only used the concept of a narrative 😁 @jilymicro-oops <3)

---

“What’s this?” Lily glanced between James and the card he’d just conspicuously dropped onto her Transfiguration essay. 

He seemed to be…dancing, almost, the tips of his shoes tapping softly against the library’s stone floor as he hopped from one foot to the other. She noticed the absence of his fingers, usually fidgeting in one way or another, and realized he was holding both hands behind his back. “Just open it,” James told her, but Lily huffed in reply.

“I’m not falling for whatever little scheme—”

James rolled his head so far backwards Lily spontaneously thought of Nearly-Headless Nick. “Evans, please, when was the last time—?”

She sat up straighter in her chair. “Five weeks and three days.”

“What?” His shoulders fell and he’d stopped his footwork altogether. 

“The last time you pulled one of your pranks. That’s what you were going to ask me, hm? Well, it’s been five weeks and three days, which isn’t nearly long enough to build any sort of confidence in your so-called ‘Coming of Age Era’ — which, by the way, I really don’t think Remus explained that genre to you well enough.”

James shoved something small into his pocket and folded his arms across his chest, his shoulder muscles stretching the fabric of his button down ever so slightly. “Five weeks is a century, Evans, and the whole point of a Coming of Age story is for the main character to…you know, falter here and there. If I don’t slip up then what am I even maturing out of?”

Lily stared at him blankly for a moment, lips fallen apart. “See,” she blinked and shook her head once, “this is what I mean about Remus having explained it wrong.”

“How?” James demanded, repositioning his stance as though to literally stand his ground and restating, “I’m in my Coming of Age Era — I’m…maturing, growing up, becoming—” He stopped himself short.

She lifted a brow at him. “What? A man?” Lily snorted at the thought, prompting a few nearby students to turn their way. “Right, Potter, that’s not a Coming of Age story.”

James rolled his hand in the air, prompting her to continue. “Enlighten me, then.”

The vague memory of her unfinished Transfiguration essay flitted across the back of Lily’s mind, but some things were more important — winning an argument with James Potter chief among them. “A Coming of Age story is about something that happens to the main character which forces them to grow up, sometimes before they should have had to, often in a way that is true for all people, yet still heartbreaking. It’s about the loss of innocence — something I’m not sure you ever had in the first place,” she added with a sideways glance. “And, sure, growth and maturity are a part of it, but it’s deeper than just…choosing not to play so many stupid pranks.”

He seemed to consider this for a moment. “Who says I’m not maturing in deeper ways than that?” he asked, holding her gaze with a sincerity Lily hadn’t expected. 

She tried to swallow, but her mouth had gone dry. “Well—”

“Open the card, Evans.”

Lily looked down at the envelope, of which she’d forgotten the existence. Her first and last name were written across the front in a font that parodied calligraphy and still managed to retain key features of James’s usual penmanship — the lack of a dot above the lowercase I; the lowercase A written in such a rush it better resembled an O; the end of the S slashing backwards in a flourishing underline. Her face heated, realizing what it must be.

She glanced up at him just once as she tore the seal open and pulled out a sparkling card. On the front was a stunning image of the night sky when all the stars could be seen, magic making each one glint and twinkle, so it seemed as though Lily were truly holding the glittering darkened sky in miniature. A constellation of stars stood out, shining brighter than the rest. Lily pulled her head back and squinted to find it was in the shape of a lily flower. 

When she tried to clear her throat it came out as more of a squeak. She licked her parched lips, distinctly avoided James’s gaze, and opened the card. 

Evans — 

I know this card is a few days late. I’m sorry for that. Though, I don’t think the date I give this to you matters all that much. The whole point of it was to say… 

You shine brighter than all the rest, Lily Evans. Every day of the year.

Happy belated birthday.

—James

Lily blinked at the message scrawled in James’s familiar text, tried rereading it through hazy vision. Her mind and everything around her seemed to be going fuzzy. 

“I had…something else,” she heard him say through the sound of her heart hammering in her ears. “But, I think—maybe another time.” 

“What?” Lily’s eyes flicked up to his face, discovering splotches of red on his neck, the closest to blushing his complexion allowed. The sight of it made her own face burn hotter than it already had been, and she knew her light skin must be blooming with a bright blush. “Well, wait,” she said, curiosity pulling her out of her fog. “You can’t do that.”

James chuckled, grinning brightly. “No?”

Lily huffed. “No. It’s…rude.”

“Rude? I’m simply extending your birthday celebration.” Something in his cheeky smile drew her to her feet, her chair scraping across the floor, and how his smile then widened had her stepping around the table and into his orbit. James blinked down at her. “Are you…threatening me, Evans? After I’ve just made you a birthday card and gotten you a gift?”

“And withheld said gift,” she said, crossing her arms.

“As is my right.”

“Your…your— Weren’t you just going on about maturing?”

His eyes danced over her face, a twinkle in them that reminded her of the card he’d made her from magic. She shuffled her feet to distract from the swirling in her stomach. “Seems to me you’re the one who needs growing up a bit here, Evans. Seventeen’s a good year for a Coming of Age story. I’ve faith in you.” He patted the side of her arm and Lily wanted to scream in a variety of ways.

“You’re sixteen,” she replied lamely.

“Eh, some of us start off earlier than others.”

She blinked at him, mind spinning between thoughts on the concept of fairness, comebacks that couldn't be turned against her, the current proximity of her face to his, and you shine brighter than all the rest. Mostly it was just that last one, playing like a melody on repeat, a jingle intent on driving her mad.

“You're really not going to give me my gift?” Lily crossed her arms, leaning her hips back against the desk. 

James stepped forward boldly, removing the space she'd created between them. “Alright, Evans.” He pulled a small box from his trousers pocket. “Since you haven't yet learned the virtue of patience.” He held out the box and, after staring at him a moment, Lily opened her palm. He placed the box carefully upon it. With the slightest smirk he learned toward her, bowing his head toward her cheek as though to kiss it. Lily stopped breathing. When he whispered, “Happy birthday, Evans,” she was sure she felt the brush of his lips on her skin.

In the next heartbeat he was gone, taking long backwards steps towards the library’s exit.

“What?” Lily gaped at him. His grin was touching the corners of his eyes, hands shoved in his pockets, a similar excitement to his energy as when he'd first approached her. Her eyes fell to the box and she called after him, “How do I know this isn't a trick?” 

James shrugged as his back hit the library door. “Guess you'll just have to believe in my growth.”

Also on AO3!

[pedriscroquettes]

𝐌𝐈𝐍𝐄. PEDRI

summary. you’d always claimed pedri as yours while he always found you as a disturbance to his life. here’s the timeline of your relationship.

warnings. angst, fluff, asshole!pedri, kind of annoying reader(?), virginity mentions, and a love triangle?

a/n. this goes out to all the delusional girlies like me. gif by pedripics

september 2007

the look of horror on your teacher’s face contrasted your calm demeanor. you thought she was overreacting when in truth she was not. you were too calm for what had just happened to you. doña rosy’s son had just cut off a huge chunk of your hair and was currently running around the class displaying it like a prize. the fact that you weren’t as upset as you should’ve been shocked your teacher.

the reality of it is that you thought pedro was cute and somehow instead of crying about your loss of hair you were rather flattered about it. you were quite literally insane for thinking that somehow this demonstrated that pedro liked you. at least that’s what your older cousin would say.

“boys are mean because they like you.” her words echoed in your mind.

soon the two of you along with your parents and pedro’s older brother fer were in the principals office. your mother was in shock and couldn’t believe that you’d have to start your hair growth process all over again. meanwhile, pedro’s mom was full of embarrassment and of course both father’s couldn’t help but laugh at the scene in front of them. after all you were both just kids who didn’t know better.

“well it seems your daughter isn’t too upset about the events that occurred therefore i have no reason to suspend pedro.” the principal decided.

“what? he cut off a chunk of my daughters hair! it will take months for it to grow back! surely there’s got to be some form of punishment for him?” your mother yelled.

“but mom i’m not mad at him.” you tried to tell her but she wouldn’t listen to you.

“fine. pedro is designated table cleaner after lunch for the rest of the month and no recess for a week.” the principal sighed.

“but mrs. dominguez we play football during recess hour i can’t miss it!” pedro whined.

“you should’ve thought about that before chasing your classmate with scissors and almost leaving her hairless.” she scolded him.

on the way out of mrs. dominguez’s office pedro’s parents couldn’t stop apologizing for what he had done. meanwhile, all you could do was stare at him. he was the cutest boy you had ever seen, given that you were only six and didn’t know any better obviously. it didn’t take long for him to notice your glare and he began to approach you slowly. you lifted your shoulders thinking this was finally going to be the moment he declared his undying love for you like men did in the movies. you stood there stupidly with a smile plastered on your face.

“i should’ve cut off the other side of your hair if i knew you’d stop me from playing football. i hate you.” he told you before chasing after his older brother.

any other girl would’ve started crying, well more like any other smart girl. they would’ve realized he meant what he said but not you. you simply thought he was bluffing that he still wasn’t ready to confess his feelings. so, you simply brushed it off and picked up your book bag. you couldn’t wait for saturday, the day your family always went to his parents restaurant to have dinner. maybe he’d confess then.

october 2013

the humid hot air of the island almost made you turn around and go back home but your foolishness made you continue your walk. it took you almost fifteen minutes to make it to the local football field but alas you had arrived on time for kickoff. you sat next to fer, someone you had somehow gotten close with the last few years. it also helped that he was pedro’s brother and allowed for you to be close to him.

“why are you here?” fer turned around to face you.

“geez, didn’t know i was such a bother to you.” you joked.

“oh, come on! i like you my brother hates you which is why i’m so surprised as to why you’re here.” he looks back onto the field spotting his brother.

“pedro doesn’t hate me he’s just too scared to confess his feelings for me.” you playfully hit fer on the shoulder.

“yeah, okay. just don’t give him too many children i don’t want to take care of too many kids in the future.” he jokes.

the both of you chat for a bit catching up on your day to day when all of a sudden the ball hits the back of the net and the local crowd, which consists purely of parents and siblings, goes wild. you notice it’s pedro who has scored as he starts running towards the area you and fer are located and blows a kiss to the crowd. like the delusional girl you are you pretend it’s meant for you. no, you know it is because you’re still stuck on the idea that pedro is devotedly in love with you.

the referee blows the whistle and tegueste takes the win with a score of 4-1. you immediately follow fer onto the pitch to congratulate his younger brother and find him chatting with his teammates. pedro immediately goes up to his brother and starts thanking him for coming as their parents couldn’t since it was a busy night at the restaurant. you get ready to tell him how well he played but as soon as he sees you he walks away.

you’re supposed to be embarrassed but somehow you think he’s the one who is. you think that he’s too nervous to be around you and that’s why he left so suddenly. you’re about to walk back home when one of his teammates stops you.

“hey!” he seems excited to talk to you.

“hi.” you greet him back.

“i’m xabi, does your brother play here?” he asks curiously.

“uh no. my friend does. pedro.” you explain.

“oh! pedro! he’s great! he’s going to be good i think. do you go to-” he’s interrupted by pedro himself.

pedro is too quick and silent you don’t even notice that he’s been sneaking up on you until he’s standing right in front of you. he’s staring at you with a devious smile on his face and you wish you knew what he was thinking.

“you know what we usually do after a win?” pedro asks you.

“we grab the buck-” xabi is once again interrupted.

“shut up xabi.” pedro turns around to shut xabi up.

“we usually grab the bucket of water and pour it on all the scorers but today i proposed that we do something differently. i think you were our lucky charm and that’s why we should pour it on you.” his smile somehow grows wider.

you’re flattered at first but then realization hits you. the dress you’re wearing is too cute to end up drenched. most importantly you didn’t want to get sick. your smile falters when you see his teammates approaching you with the large bucket of ice cold water.

“no, pedro please.” you beg.

he tries to hold you still but your instincts kick in and you immediately kick his ankle. he lets go and you immediately start running. you don’t realize it but he starts chasing after you. you’re about to cross the street when he grabs you from behind and pushes you against the wall. he has a smirk on his face again. you panic not wanting to get soaked. you try to kick him again but this time he doesn’t budge and you’re about to give up when suddenly an idea pops up in your mind.

you grab his cheeks and kiss him.

“what?” he’s confused.

you can’t help but smile at the way his cheeks turn pink but you don’t have a lot of time so as soon as his grip on you loose a you take a run for it. you arrive home exhausted and out of breath. you dramatically fall on your bed with a smile on your face excited that at your wedding you’ll be able to tell all your guests about today.

november 2019

it had been around a year since pedri, as they now called him, left the island in pursuit of a football career. it had also been six months since you gave up on the relationship you had hoped to have with him and it had been approximately three weeks since you had started seeing xabi. something you would’ve only thought would happen if pedri had stopped existing. fer told you to be more optimistic about xabi and that he actually liked you because he would’ve never pranked called the local pizzeria and sent forty pizzas to your house.

the three of you were currently gathered at the beach alongside some of pedri’s friends patiently waiting for him. fer had told you that he would be staying for a week before going back to preseason with las palmas. being the kind person you were you had organized a welcome back party for him with the help of fer. you’d paid for the food, drinks, and the cake that would be delivered later that night.

fer watched you carefully decorate one of the wooden tables with all the snacks and drinks. it was so obvious you still cared about his brother and it somehow made him mad that his brother never reciprocated your feelings. even though pedri didn’t owe it to you to feel the same way it just made him mad that he had always treated you bad for no reason. you had never done anything wrong to pedri prior to his teasing so fer always wondered where his brother’s hatred for you came from.

fer doesn’t have much time to wonder about his brother because said person was already making his way towards him. he’s about to run towards him when he notices somebody else behind him, a girl. he quickly turns around to look for you but you’re too distracted with making sure everything looks nice that you don’t notice pedri or the girl with him. it’s not until everyone starts greeting him that you notice his presence. you don’t expect him to talk to you so you stay back with xabi and that’s when you notice the girl next to him.

you’re surprised at yourself for feeling jealous and hurt because you thought you had finally moved on from your stupid childhood crush. xabi’s arm wraps around your waist at the sight of pedri as if the midfielder’s presence threatened him. you turn around facing the beach not wanting to see pedri and his girlfriend, you assumed that’s who she was. you’re too entranced by the waves to see the look he sends your way and more specifically the way he glared at xabi’s arm around your waist.

who did he think he was? just because he was named after one of the greatest spanish players of all time he was some hotshot? pedri mentally scoffs at the fact that his old teammate had finally been able to ask you out. he had practically drooled over year since the first time you showed up to his games. he grabs alba’s hand in spite. alba was just his friend but felt the urge to rub her in front of your face. he didn’t know why he felt so mad at seeing you with xabi or why he was also upset that you weren’t looking at him in admiration anymore.

“xabi! it’s been so long.” he greets your boyfriend.

you can smell his cologne, the one fer had bought for him last minute when he had visited his younger brother in las palmas. it was intoxicating. you finally turn around to face him and it’s like primary school all over again. you mentally slap yourself for still feeling flustered around him especially after all the damage he’d done to you. the girl he brought offers you a smile and you can only giver her a weak one back not knowing how to feel. xabi treated you so well yet he wasn’t pedri.

as soon as he’s done speaking with your boyfriend he walks away as expected. you don’t feel embarrassed nor angry anymore but rather relieved you don’t have to face the feelings you thought you didn’t have anymore. you took a step back fixing your skirt and making sure your appearance was okay. xabi notices how you fidget. he always does. he notices the smallest things and you hate that you can’t reciprocate how he feels to the max.

“he’s an asshole.” he whispers making sure the two of you are the only ones who hear.

“xabi, come on.” you whine not wanting anything to break out tonight.

“what? it’s true! he’s treated you like shit since we were kids and he still does it now. he didn’t even say hi to you when you planned this whole thing.” your boyfriend claims.

he’s right but you’d never stop making up excuses for the man you’d probably love for the rest of your life.

“i mean i did annoy him every single day of his life until he left. he doesn’t owe me anything.” you replied.

“yeah, you were like 10 with a little girl crush on him so it doesn’t give him the right to act like that. he should just tell you that he doesn’t like you and leave it at that. he probably doesn’t even know that you help out doña rosy at the restaurant, or that you helped fer with his exams, or that you had convinced the principal to not take away his recess time to play football! it’s not fair to you!” xabi exclaims.

“you’re right but i just don’t want to fight him. not today. so promise me you won’t start anything?” you beg him.

he scoffs but then offers you a weak smile himself.

“yeah, okay but if he pulls some messed up shit tonight i can’t promise i won’t beat him up.” you both laugh at his words.

the two of you are unaware that you’re being watched by said asshole and that he’s gripping his cup to the point that the sofa starts dripping out of it. he starts looking for his brother leaving alba alone. in fact he completely forgets about alba when he can only notice how infatuated you are by xabi. what did xabi have that he didn’t? besides compassion and kindness since pedri clearly had the looks.

“when did they start dating?” is the first thing he asks his brother.

“wow, not even a i missed you or how have you been?” his brother scoffs.

“i missed you so much.” pedri pretends to care. “now answer my question.”

“why does it matter? you hate her?” fer continues to pour himself a drink oblivious to the fact that his younger brother is completely losing it.

“so? doesn’t mean i can’t ask about her?” pedri scoffs. “plus, look at him he’s such a loser. she could do better i guess.”

“better like who? you? please, don’t make me laugh. you’ve treated her like shit your entire life just because you knew how madly in love she is with you and now you’re interested? now, that’s she moved on with someone who cares about her? she is doing better. now go attend the guest you brought. it’s bad manners to leave her alone.” fer taunts his younger brother.

“fuck you.” pedri was always determined on having the last word.

on the way back towards alba an idea forms in his mind. it doesn’t take long for him to get everyone together. he brings an empty bottle and places it in the middle of the circle everyone had formed. the midfielder had decided to play spin the bottle with his old friends.

“so, here are the rules!” he speaks up. “when it’s your turn you spin the bottle and you get to ask them truth or dare. but if you ask a stupid question for truth i’ll skip your turn. now, who wants to go first?”

the game starts out light and fun but as the game goes on it becomes more intense and interesting. fer had somehow ended up skinny dipping with the girl next to him and an old friend of yours had confessed that she was the one who gave your old principal food poisoning with the cupcakes she had made. before you know it, it’s pedri’s turn. you stare at the bottle intently hoping it doesn’t land on you but as if the universe heard you it lands on you. the smirk he has on his face reminds you of the one who always had when he was about to do something to you.

“truth or dare?” he asks.

“truth.” you decided to go for the lighter option.

“is it true that you lost your virginity to xabi?” his first question takes you by surprise.

“what the fuck pedri?” xabi yells at him.

“shut up xabi and let her answer.” pedri glares at him.

“i don’t understand why that’s any of your concern-” you start.

“just answer the question and we’ll move on.” he urges.

“no.” you reply simply wanting to get this over with and go home.

fer is about to spin the bottle before pedri stops him. he looks back at you with a sly grin. your stomach churns and you start getting a bad feeling.

“wait, i’m not done. is it also true that you’ve had a crush on me since you were five and thought we would end up together even though i find you repulsive?” pedri started ranting.

you feel everyone’s eyes on you and soon you feel your eyes brim with tears. you don’t know why he’s suddenly putting you on the spot when you hadn’t spoken to him in a year. you’d thought he would’ve left you alone now that you were with xabi.

“well, don’t be shy now. come on? do you think about me when xabi kisses you or touc-” you don’t let him finish because you slap him, hard.

“maybe i was a pathetic little girl then who had no self respect but i do now so don’t ever talk to me like that again. i don’t care if you’re a future football star or the future prince of spain you have no right to speak to me like that. go to hell pedro.” you pick up your things getting ready to leave.

you take out thirty euros and hand them to fer.

“for the cake delivery. he should be here at 9.” is the last thing you say before you walk away with xabi closely following behind.

“what the fuck is your problem? did you just come back here to say all that bullshit to her?” fer confronts his younger brother.

“she shouldn’t have been here in the first place. she’s like a parasite.” pedri scoffs.

“without her i wouldn’t have planned this! she paid for everything and spent the whole day decorating this for you! she helps mom and dad out at the restaurant now that we get tourists there almost everyday. she helped me pass my exams and most importantly all those gifts i gave you when i visited where picked out by her. so, go to hell. i don’t wanna see you for the rest of the night so go home.” fer let’s him know.

pedri stands there in shock not knowing what to say. suddenly he feels horrible but he doesn’t want everyone else to notice so he picks up his shoulders ready to go home.

“oh and stay away from her. she finally found someone who cares about her and i don’t need your jealousy ruining that. xabi is going to play for girona next year and he’ll take care of her. i don’t need you fucking up anything else.” is the last thing his brother tells him.

you wake up to loud knocks on your door. you notice xabi isn’t next to you anymore meaning he’d probably left for training already. you yawn before slowly making your way towards the door. you don’t even check before opening the door something you regret when you see who’s on the other side. it’s pedri but now he’s rocking a black eye.

“your boyfriend paid me a visit last night.” is the first thing he says to you.

“shame.” you reply.

“huh?” he questions

“shame he didn’t get the other one as well.” you cross your arms.

“okay, i deserve that.”

“look pedri you have five minutes to tell me why you’re here before i call your parents and tell them you’re harassing me.” you say.

“i came to apologize. i was out of line last night and i fucked up. in truth i think i realized that i was jealo-”

“don’t pedri. you’ve had twelve years to tell me that you liked me or had a crush on me and instead you spent every single one of those humiliating me. maybe i was annoying but i have never disrespected you. now, leave. i’m happy with xabi and you’re not going to ruin that.” you interrupt him.

“but-”

“leave. we were never meant to happen. xabi is my person and i hope you find yours. hopefully someone nice and not full of hatred like you.” you slammed the door closed in front of him.

that day you call in sick for work and the day after that and so on until you heard news that pedri had gone back. his parents didn’t even question your absence after fer had told them what happened. you cried the first two days and then spent the next few days with xabi. in the span of those days he had asked you to move with him to girona and you didn’t even hesitate before accepting. maybe if you moved you’d loose all memories of the brown eyed boy you had once worshipped.

present day

the adjustment to barcelona wasn’t hard. the few years you were in girona were enough to learn catalan easily so you could communicate with almost anyone. the only problem was getting used to your new job at fc barcelona as a physical therapist. most of the players at girona barely stopped by opting to have surgery and recovering with their own staff. but at barça it was different, you were always busy with injured players as well as recovering players.

xabi and you had parted ways roughly six months ago when he transferred to roma. you couldn’t make the move not wanting to be too far from your home and you were surprised that he understood and took it likely. it was a rough breakup but not because he treated you bad or anything but because he had cared so much and now you felt alone. like you were missing your best friend.

you had stopped keeping up with pedri so you had no idea where he was now and had even stopped talking to fer to which he understood why. he wasn’t mad but he was upset that your friendship had failed because of his asshole brother. alas you shake your thoughts away when a knock on your office door interrupts you.

“come in!” you pick up the file that had been dropped off earlier about the player you’d be seeing today.

the door opens but you’re too engrossed by the files to notice who it is. you’re halfway into the summary of his injury until you notice you don’t even know who you’re treating. when you see the name up top your mind goes blank. you almost walk out the door at the sight of pedro’s name. you spend a few minutes panicking before remembering you’re being paid to be a professional so you gently get back into that mindset and set the file down.

“so the process of your recovery will include-”

“so, you’re just going to pretend that we don’t know each other?” pedri asks you.

“for the remainder of the time that i will work here? yes. now shut up and let me explain how your recovery process will go if you want to play again this season.” you scold him.

he just scoffs and shuts up.

“i assume the medical staff has already told you that you need to apply ice packs to the injured area several times a day as well as taking pain medicine?” you ask him.

“yeah.” he replies staring at the roof wanting to avoid your glare.

“okay so, as part of the healing process i’ll advise you certain gentle hamstring stretches to strengthen you and when the pain begins to subside we’ll move on to harder strengthening exercises. we’ll start working on them on tuesday. i believe that’s all so unless you have any other muscular issues or problems please let me know now.” you reply as stiffly as possible.

“are you and xabi still dating? i mean i assume you’re not or else you’d be in roma. unless you’re doing long distance but i doubt it, it never works out. he’s probably cheated on you by now.” pedri simply starts blabbering nonsense.

“don’t really understand why any of that concerns you.” you turn around to type up his file to the database.

“because you’re too good for him and quite frankly i don’t think you should be with him.” he stands near your desk.

“who should i be with? the asshole that let everyone back home know i was a virgin? don’t make me laugh pedro.” you look up at him to meet that same mischievous smirk from twelve years ago.

“i’ve changed.” he admits.

“good for you pedro. there are plenty of other people in the sea that you could go after. unfortunately for you i’m not one of them. so please be professional and leave me alone. i have to see gavi in an hour so i have to get ready for that.” you urge him to leave.

“please, gavi isn’t even in need of physical therapy he just thinks you’re cute.” pedri laughs.

“like you? at least he’s professional and doesn’t throw soup all over me when i approach him for lunch.” you give him a smile.

pedri steps back realizing how much of a bad person he had been to you. he couldn’t even remember all the things you were accusing him of. he suddenly feels bad for that night at the beach where he had humiliated you in front of everyone just because he thought you were too good for xabi. when in reality he was perfect for you.

“look i’m really sorry for what i did to you. for all of it. i’m not the same person i was at the beach four years ago. and you don’t owe me anything but i’d really like to take you out to dinner and make it up to you.” he begs.

“pedri, you constantly made me feel insecure about myself, humiliated me, made me wear a bob cut so short i might as well have gone bald, and bullied me for my whole childhood so a simple i’m sorry isn’t going to cut it. now, get out of my office please.” you point towards the door.

pedri simply sighs in defeat before making his way out of your office. but he doesn’t give up because as soon as your sessions with him start you’re met with flowers on your desk, links to random memes he finds on the internet, and invitations to all the fancy and expensive restaurants in the vicinity. although what finally makes you give in are the coldplay tickets he offers you.

“what the fuck, pedri?” you jump up at the envelope on your desk. “i can’t possibly accept these? they’re like the best seats as well? oh my god.”

“yes, you can and you will. my recovering process is going much faster than expected because of you and you always mentioned how much you loved the band growing up. please take them.” he urges you.

you don’t know what comes over but you’re suddenly that little girl trying to cross the street and you grab him by the cheeks. you kiss him without a second thought but this time he kisses you back. it’s a short but meaningful kiss.

“i should buy you coldplay tickets more often, huh?” he teases you.

“oh, shut up.” you blush.

he slowly creeps up next to you and wraps his arms around you before removing a strand of hair from your ear.

“in five years when we get married i’ll tell our guests about this.” he whispers into your ears.

a sudden rush of heat is felt near your cheeks and you can’t believe that six year old girl inside of you has won. you stare in awe at the midfielder, not the one you hate and despise but the one you’ve learned to love. the one who will cherish you for the rest of his life. he kisses you with so much fervor and passion you forget to breathe. his hatred for you the hatred that had never existed is now replaced by adoration and love. and you smile once again at the thought of telling this lifelong story to your wedding guests.

[funnycreatortimetravel]

So the Madoka Magica movie is coming out and there's a lot of speculation about how it's going to end (or rather, be the start of a new series of movies/a show? Idk, it was extremely vague.)

And while I love the idea of Homura and Madoka ending up together because they both deserve some happiness, I can't help but feel like the best ending for Homura at this point is letting Madoka go so she can become a healthy adult (which, let's be real, that's not possible in this world.)

And by "letting go," I don't mean cutting contact or abandoning her, I mean they can still be friends while Homura can become a person who sees herself worthy of living with or without Madoka. Because as much as I love my favorite tragic lesbians, Homura isn't her own person in the relationship with Madoka.

Like, Madoka has a loving family, loving friends, and people cheering her on. And even if she doesn't believe she's good enough to do anything, she still objectively has things going for her, a safety net if you will. And she still has a goal in mind that doesn't involve one specific person, but rather she wants to become someone that people can depend on/wants to help other people (regardless if this is at the cost of herself.) I'm not saying it's a good or even a healthy goal but with some tweaks, I could see the goal becoming something she could work toward as a means of personal growth and not just because she thinks she's useless.

Meanwhile, Homura doesn't even have parents as far as we're concerned.

The only ties she has that we're told about are the catholic school she attended and the hospital she pretty much lives in. No friends, no family, and no aspirations of her own. And because of her circumstances, she really wouldn't be able to. It's no fault of her own. I get why, then, she attaches herself to someone like Madoka. I'm sure ANYONE would attach themselves to Madoka if they were in the position Homura was in.

And then that starts the obsession. A long, tiring journey in which this poor girl sacrifices her mental health, her youth, countless years spent trying to save this doom girl and her doomed friends while she herself is also doomed. She's pretty much made herself Madoka's sole protector while also not allowing herself to even do or enjoy the one thing she wanted in the first place; being Madoka's friend.

It's all but confirmed that Homura hates everything about herself as seen in her backstory and rebellion when she was destroying her labyrinth. Her saving Madoka is the one good thing she thinks she's associated with, so much so that she's OK with dying either to protect Madoka or in a world without her.

Like, the concept of one person being the only reason you continue existing is so unhealthy (note that I'm not saying their relationship itself is, it's just her mindset.) I completely understand wanting to help your friend you know...not die a terrible death, but Homura doesn't think she has anything going for her outside of protecting someone else and that's such a sad thought to me. She thinks of all her past friends as enemies now, and she alienated herself from everyone. She thinks, now, that it's her versus Kyubey, the other magical girls, and Madoka herself. The girl is borderline, if not entirely, suicidal.

I'm hoping so badly that in the next movie, this is the start of healing for Homura (though it probably won't be because Mr. Uro loves his sad/bitter-sweet endings.) I hope this is the start where she's able to piece together who she is outside of wanting Madoka, who she could've been had Kyubey not manipulated her and the other girls into making contracts, had her parents not died, had her body not been as fragile as it was, had her confidence been strong, had she felt she was good enough to befriend and get close to other people without fearing her hurting them or them hurting her.

Sayaka was able to let the bitterness of not being with Kyosuke go, accepting that even though she wanted him, she couldn't be with him and even if she was, she never would've been happy. She was able to realize the flaws in her "ideal magical girl" concept and accept the fact that she's just one person and even though she's not perfect and didn't get the thing she wanted, she's still able to be a hero in her own right in the company of people who actually love and support her because she's Sayaka Miki, not because she's a heroic magical girl.

Mami was able to be honest with herself, similar to Sayaka, that she's not a perfect person, that the perfect magical girl illusion was never her. She's able to admit to herself that she was inherently selfish that all she wanted was friends and family, and that there's nothing wrong with that. She doesn't have to keep up the pressures of being perfect and mature and all-knowing because, at the end of the day, she is still that little girl who almost died in a car crash that claimed her parents' lives, and she has to live with the fact that she didn't and wasn't able to save them even when she had the chance to. And she's able to come to terms with the fact that though she was alone, she didn't have to be lonely. She's able to realize that it's not too late for her and she can make her own family that will stick around with her, flaws and all. And she can be a good role model for her little sister surrogate and also orphan Nagisa, but this time, she can be a realistic big sister rather than an idealistic one.

Kyoko can move past the pain of her family's demise, and unlike Mami, feels as though she is directly responsible for it. She was a naive kid who only wanted the best for her family and yet, by doing the "right thing" her father goes on a massive suicide-homicide rampage and she's left to think that her naivety, that her wanting to do the right thing, was what killed them. But no, it wasn't. It's ok to have hope and to have the desire to help others and do the right thing. While the actions of the wish were undesirable, it didn't change the fact that Kyoko's heart was in the right place and that she could continue to try to help others without fear of it coming back to haunt her. She can let the tense guard she's had up since her family's death and enjoy the little things in life she never got to when she was too poor; food, drink, comfort, and having others around that care about you. While she thought that it was her wish and her misunderstanding of what her father wanted that ultimately killed her family, it's the same desire and intentions that push her to save Sayaka and befriend her and the other girls later on.

Now Madoka is an interesting case because she, like Homura, is sort of trapped in being who they were before they gained powers.

Now that Madoka is essentially back to where she started (unlike everyone else who at least has something/someone in their lives now in Rebellion compared to the OG series where they were missing those intimate connections) again,

she's left to feel like she's missing a key part of herself (only in the OG series, she was missing the confidence she had the in OG timeline as a magical girl whereas, in Rebellion, she's literally the missing part of the Law of Cycles) and you're left to wonder if she'll be satisfied, or will she challenge this new world that seems too good to be true, a world that was made just for her and only her?

And Homura?

Poor Homura.

Being an orphan and having no one, not even doctors or nurses it looks like, be close to you? Being unable to live comfortably due to a physical condition you had no say in? Having to be behind because of said physical condition and then having an inferiority complex WHILE teachers belittle you for things out of your control? So then you consider yourself a burden and truly believe only death and loneliness await you? AND YOU’RE ONLY 14???

And then you think you've met this amazing person, this girl who thinks you're interesting and cool with no ulterior notices, a girl with amazing powers that are as wonderful as her only to have the rug pulled under you and realize that the cost of those powers and your protection is her's and others like her inevitable demise.

So then you attempt to right that wrong because even further than your want to save your friends, you know the system that they're in is objectively terrible and needs to be torn down.

But then you try to warn said friends about the system and all they do is belittle you and admit they're comfortable in something that's designed to kill them before they turn twenty, and when (or even if) they're finally aware of the system and the terrible reality of it, they STILL blame you for not telling them sooner even though you tried your damn hardest? Or even worse, try to KILL you after they find out for themselves?

And then top that off with an oppressive alien race trying to control you and pretty much end your life prematurely or turn you into an immortal Lovecraftian Paper mache creature that looks like it was created by five-year-olds should you fall into despair at the hands of this default depressive system and you'll have to remain like that, killing and trapping people while you have no memories of your life as a human and have to live as an animal of pure instinct and evilnesses until some unknowing other magical girl puts you out of your misery, and the cycle will rise and repeat eternally.

Then not to mention other magical girls who try to "game the system" (which only leads to them dying/witching out even earlier, indirectly harming the girl you're trying to protect) or even worse, the girls see you as competition because they're insecure/power hungry instead of joining you in taking down the system set up so where death is an inevitable thing regardless, indirectly siding with the species that are literally killing them slowly but surely (and yet you're somehow still the problem in their eyes.) And then to add the shit sprinkles to this shit show of life, you have to battle this biblically accurate German clown of a witch that's a bunch of witched-out magical girls mashed together like a Cthulu-esque Ren and Stimpy-type creation (that's also pretty much invincible to everything that you and all of the nukes and missiles you store in a tiny, rinky-dink space-time shield you were pretty much cursed with while everyone else gets a built-in weapon.)

Not to mention the PTSD of having everyone and everything around you die and crumple to bits for 12 years over and over again, failing at every turn to complete the only goal you have for yourself (which isn't even for you, it's just saving another person because you believe you're extensible at that point) and at every twist and turn, you're beaten, bruised, belittled, scared, tired, pushed to the brink and all alone with no one to depend on because you're the ONLY one who can and will remember anything once you have to go back in time.

And then you learn the more you go back in time, the more fate and karma you're attaching to this girl which makes the aliens target her even more because of the level of potential she has. And even worse, you find out that the girl you've been fighting so hard to protect is now an entirely different person, lacking the confidence and outgoingness that made you fall in love in the first place, her desire to become a confident magical girl being unfulfilled because of you.

But you have to play the smaller evil. You have to deter her from making a wish, even if it means inadvertently scaring her away from the idea, even if it means being cold and calculated and harsh because she won't listen otherwise.

You have to crush that confidence because that desire will only lead to her death, but she can't know that because well, you still want her to trust you.

But because you've been trying so hard to scare her away from the idea of becoming a magical girl, she ends up becoming scared anyway and distancing herself from you, meaning you don't even have the comfort of knowing you two are friends anymore.

And even still, all of the other magical girls, including her, always end up dead or turning into witches no matter what you do, leaving you to fight the final boss witch alone and failing every single time because it's just too powerful.

But you can't stop. No matter what, you can't stop. Because stopping means death for you, the girl you love, and the entire world, whether it be because of Walpurgis or Madoka's witch which is only so powerful because of you and your time-traveling shenanigans.

So you do another timeline, and things go wrong like they have for the past 100 timelines so you're just numb to it now, and while you're fighting the boss witch, you get critically injured. And now armed with the knowledge that you'd just be putting an even bigger target on your friend's back, you resolve that your efforts were all in vain and useless and decide to just let yourself witch out because you have no other choice.

Only, you're interrupted by your friend, who's finally ready to put her fears aside and make a wish.

Your biggest fear is coming true and you're powerless to stop it.

So she makes her wish and becomes a magical girl Jesus pretty much and restores hope to every magical girl.

Every magical girl except for you.

She says your efforts are the reason why she was able to make such a powerful wish and thanks you for your service, as if you're an old veteran about to retire, and then she ejects you to a remade world, a world without her.

And you're doomed to fight in this world, the world she gave her life to protect, a world in which only you remember her. You don't let yourself become too close to the other magical girls for fear of losing that connection once the Law of Cycles takes them away.

So you're doomed, essentially. The one thing you've fought to protect is gone forever and there's no one but you left to grieve for her, and you start an endless fight against the new evil creatures in place of witches until you're about to disappear yourself.

But you don't even have the comfort of peaceful passing on because AHA!, that evil alien race wants to you use as a sadistic experiment to inflict suffering on you and the other magical girls while controlling the one saving grace you all had, to restart the terrible system you were trying to run away from in the original world.

So they place you in this fake simulation of happiness and fun and magical girl transformations all for the sake of controlling you and the girl you fought for and thought was safe.

So you take matters into your own hands and resign to destroy the labyrinth, even if it means your death, hoping the other magical girls put you out of your misery once and for all.

But if you die, then who would be left to protect that girl you love so much?

So you take matters into your own hands and override her power, creating an idealized world in which everyone can be happy at the cost of making all of your past friends your enemies later.

Even the girl you love and gave your life for time and time again.

All for the sake of keeping her safe once more from not only herself since you pulled a piece of her from the Law of Cycles, but also those terrible aliens who can only think about themselves and their sick curiosity.

I so badly want a happy ending for Homura, and I'm so hoping that that happy ending is one without magic or Karmaic fate or the weight of 26 years of repeated time travel or having to save her girlfriend from a terrible demise or dooming herself to magical Jesus type limbo for eternity all while she's the only one who can remember.

Outside of Madoka, what does Homura enjoy now in Rebellion? What were her dreams, if she had any? Her aspirations? What was her childhood like (even though we know it was lonely) was there anything in her life that even remotely made her feel that living was worth it?

If and when she becomes an adult, what will she be like? What career what she want to pursue? What interests her? What does she want the most for herself? Power? Fame? Company? Comfort?

And will it even be possible for her to enjoy anything outside of Madoka so long as she attaches her self worth to this one, ordinary girl?

Will she succeed in protecting her at the cost of herself? At the cost of anyone else excluding the kyubey?

Will she give up ultimate control over the world, or will she double down; ok with challenging her friends-turned-enemies all for the sake of her love?

And if so, will she succeed as Madoka's sole, eternal protector forevermore, or she be dethroned and killed, left to rot in a labyrinth of her self-hatred and mistakes? (God, I hope not.)

Or...will she finally be saved and released from the shackles of fate, time, and space so she can live her life as a normal girl, a life she wasn't granted even before she made her wish?

My excitement for this movie is beyond real.

[avatarmerida]

Hey fellow losers I’m back with more beta huntlow fluff. I know I’ve written some Paulina/William stuff before but this is based on the most recent even more beta huntlow we got from the leaked show bible. So we’ve gone from awkward little prince and fumbling quirky girl to feral witch hunter and equally feral creepy plant girl and I also love them too so hope ya like it 💛💚

———

“And if the water boils here how do all the plants live?” William asked, balancing on the fence along Paulina’s garden as she did some maintenance and planted some new seeds they had found in the forest. She never tired of answering his many questions about the demon realm, especially about the flora and fauna.

“The same way they do in the human realm I suppose,” she said with a small shrug. “I think the stems here have more coating than the plants you’ve seen, but a lot of plants close up during the rain to protect their petals.”

“Interesting,” he said, jumping down to look at her work closer. “How do you persuade the ones with teeth not to bite you?”

“I just keep them well feed, they don’t nip unless they’re hungry or scared,” she said. “But feeding them the food that helps keep their teeth healthy is tricky because it smells kinda gross.”

“They can smell it?”

“They sure can.”

“Fascinating,” he marveled, looking at them closer to see if he could understand how.

“Can I ask you a question?” Paulina asked, wiping some stray dirt from her glasses.

“Of course you may,” replied William, sitting on the ground beside her.

“Why are you still so upset with Luz?” She asked, changing topics. She saw his body language shift.

“I think it’s very clear why,” he said softly.

“You know she didn’t wake you up early on purpose,” she said gently. “She’s really a very nice person, and she genuinely thought she was helping you. Is there anything she can do to prove she’s sorry?”

“I’m not upset that she woke me from my slumber, I'm upset that she was able to,” sighed William, hugging his knees.

“What do you mean? Do you not want to be here?” Paulina asked, hoping it wasn’t the case. Selfishly, she liked having him around.

“When it happened… my uncle told me I’d awaken to a better world. That the suffering and confusion I was around would be gone. That I’d be awoken gently by my…”

“By who?”

“… by my true love.” He said under his breath, almost as though he was embarrassed to utter the words.

“Oh, so you think that Luz is your-.”

“Ew! Bleh, no!” He exclaimed in disgust. “Er, sorry that was rude. No, no I don’t think that. But I think she able to awaken me the way she did because I don’t have a true love.”

“Oh,” Paulina breathed, seeing the genuine hurt slip though the cracks as he tried to keep his lip from trembling. She ventured this was the first time he had said the sentiment aloud. “Or maybe the spell just wore off.”

“Or maybe it just gave up,” he said with a hurt chuckle. “I mean, it makes sense; maidens didn’t favor me before, why would they ever start now? I was better off sleeping forever, giving the world some peace.”

“William, don't say that,” she said, taking his hand. He didn’t flinch at her dirt covered hands.

“It’s true, is it not?” He sighed, focusing on her knuckles decorated with grass stains and tiny scars from the thorns she did not fear. “I cause you nothing but trouble despite you showing me nothing but kindness.”

“Well technically I did threaten to feed you to my plant,” she reminded him. It was certainly a unique first impression.

“Twas for my own good,” he said. “Plus knowing you as I do now, I know it was merely a jest to teach me a lesson. You are kind and patient and I’m just a nuisance.”

“No you’re not!” She insisted. “Okay, well maybe a little at first, but you’ve changed! You’re still learning and adapting, growth doesn’t happen all at once overnight.” She gestured to her garden as proof, a mixture of progress and color. “Love is the same way, ya know. Usually you have to get to know someone first before you label them as your ‘true love.’” She carefully plucked a vibrant yellow flower and placed it behind his ear.

“So… you don’t believe in love at first sight?” He asked timidly as she went back to her gardening.

He remembered when he first saw her, how there was a rosey spotlight around her like a halo. How time slowed down so he could soak in every detail of her beauty, memorize her voice and her movements before reality set back in and with it brought a new breed of confusion. He didn’t know better, but upon reflection the whole ordeal felt like what the poetry he had read in secret during his studies labeled as the phenomenon of love at first sight. His eyes had not seen such a thing before and ever since.

“Hmmm, not really?” Paulina pondered. “I think it’s different for everyone, but I also don’t think I’d want to marry someone I don’t know who kissed me while I was sleeping.”

“That is a fair point,” William chuckled, leaning over to help her make another hole in the ground for her next round of seeds. “You’re correct, as usual.”

“Exactly, and I’m also correct when I say if you want to fall in love then you will,” said Paulina. “You just have to give it time, it’s not something you can force.”

“You know… much about love then?”

“I mean, my dads really love each other but they didn’t get married the second they met,” she said. “They got to know each other first and they didn’t meet the way they thought they’d meet their spouse. Everyone’s story is different.”

“But it’s also possible that some of us aren’t meant to have a story.”

She couldn’t deny that, but she refused to accept a world where a boy who seemed to cherish love so much wasn’t meant to have it. “Maybe she was able to wake you because she was meant to introduce you to your true love.”

“Perhaps,” he said, his mind fully focusing on how she had been the first person Luz had introduced him to. He couldn’t complain about that logic.

“It also might help if you had a crush first,” added Paulina, carefully pressing the dirt back into the ground as though tucking it into bed.

“Like a duel?”

“Oh well, a crush is like… what comes before someone is your true love,” she tried to explain without divulging how complicated they could truly get. “Like, having positive feelings about someone, and wanting to spend time with them without, like, getting married after a few days. Just like thinking of them romantically.”

“I think I may… have formed this crush.”

“Oh! On who?” She asked with enthusiasm that made him quiet. Paulson wore her heart on her sleeve, but he had trouble expressing anything that was not deeply rooted in fact. Or at least, the facts he had been feed. A few moments ago he didn’t have the words to describe his feelings let alone validation their were sinful. He didn’t know the proper way to share them.

“Wel… um…”

“Oh, I’m so sorry,” said Paulina quickly, sensing the answer was hard for him to bring forth. “I didn’t consider it could be someone from your original time. I’m sorry if that was too forward, you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.”

“And… not wanting to share it doesn’t make it wrong?” William asked.

“Of course not,” she assured him. “You’re allowed to have secrets, and if you want to tell me eventually that’s fine too; you decide when and if you’re ready. I mean, I’ve had tons of crushes on very different people but sometimes they’re just something small, ya know? Sometimes they take awhile to figure out and sometimes they go away on their own, each one is different.”

“Has there ever been one you weren’t able to escape?”

“Well, I don’t know if I would word it like that,” she chuckled. “Having a crush is supposed to be fun, it’s exciting. And sometimes scary, but that also makes it fun. Like a rollercoaster.”

“A roller… coaster?”

“Oh yeah I forgot,” she giggled. “I’ll have to show you one.”

“A… crush?”

“No a rollercoaster,” she said.

“Ah, haha yes of course,” he laughed nervously, painfully aware that he could not seem to stop. “So w-what does one do if they don’t wish to have the crush dissolved?”

“Well I guess you could ask the person you have a crush on to go on a date with you.”

“And a date is like… a courtship, yes? I would seek to woo them?”

She giggled. “Yes, you would seek to woo them.”

He didn’t know what he said that was so humorous but he’d say it everyday for the rest of his life it meant getting to hear her laugh like that.

“Ah, well then. That’s another obstacle, as I know not the way to do so,” he said with a slight frown. “Especially in this foreign, modern land I feel that any outing I plan would not be up to her standards.”

Paulina’s ears perked, her first suspicion dashed as William made it clear the person he liked was someone he had met since he had awakened, which meant it was more than likely that she knew the person as well.

She wondered how well she knew them.

“I mean, like you said I still have much to learn about this world and this time,” he sighed. “But regardless, I’m still myself and I can’t help but feel as though someone discovering I have this crush for them would be most unwanted.”

“I don’t think so,” said Paulina. “I think they’ll think it’s sweet.”

“Surely you jest,” he scoffed. “You’re kind to spare my feelings but I’m sure if this person was aware of my thoughts regarding them they’d be repulsed and uncomfortable.”

“Well I’m sure they’d be perfectly fine with it,” she insisted. “After getting to know you these last few months I can tell you’re actually really sweet, even if you don’t think so. Give yourself more credit.”

“Oh so if I were to tell you I fancy you and wish to spend my days with you, you wouldn’t find it revolting?” He asked as though it was the most comical thing he could imagine.

“No.”

“Oh.” He said, surprised at how quickly and confidently she replied. He cleared his throat and dared to continue. “S-so if I were to say that I would consider it an honor to hold your hand and escort you anywhere you wish to go, you wouldn’t find it inappropriate?”

“No.”

“A-and if I told you you have the most captivating, soft eyes I’ve ever seen and that they make precious jewels envious you would be… okay with that?”

“Um…” Paulina found herself speechless, struck by his words like they were an arrow destined for her very heart.

“Oh yes of course that sentiment is made of cheese, as you might say.” He laughed, slightly embarrassed. “I should have realized my attempts at poetry were novice at best. I apologize if the example was offensive, I should have-.”

“No, no it was very nice!” she said quickly, not wanting to prevent him from saying such lovely things. “It was a beautiful thought, Will. I think anyone would like to hear that.”

“Truly? Uh, well thank you,” he said, unable to hide the blush that danced across his freckles. “Eh, but I’m sure you hear things such as that daily from your suitors.”

“My suitors?” She repeated with a snort. “Oof, now that’s a good one.”

But William did not find it humorous. “I’m sorry, I’m confused.”

“Well let’s just say when other witches my age notice me it’s usually not for the best reasons,” she said. “Most of them think I’m weird or creepy.”

“My apologies again, I’m still getting accustomed to the colloquialisms of this time, do those terms mean something different now?”

“No, I’m pretty sure they mean the same thing now as they did back then,” she said with a small smile, secretly recalling how when they first met William had a similar impression of her, though in fairness it was more about the witch aspect than her specifically. She wondered when exactly that had changed. “I’ve never been very popular. In fact, after Amity stopped talking to me and until I met Augustus most of my closest friends were plants.”

“Well perhaps it is because those plants have the sense to appreciate being in the presence of a rose.”

It was her turn to blush now. “Well, aren’t you the secret romantic?” She giggled, impressed with how quickly he had provided the response. They sat in silence a moment as William realized he hadn’t complimented her hypothetically this time and that something in her tone had shifted. As much as Paulina was willing to try and spare his feelings, he knew she would not lead him astray in this manner. She would not lie to him about this, but did that mean her words applied to her?

“Miss Park… I have a favor of sorts to ask of you,” he began, taking a deep breath.

“Of course,” she said, and he was taken back by how quickly she had agreed. She didn’t even ask what was in it for her benefit, like he was worthy of her assistance without any bribery.

“I will admit I know little of the courtship rituals from my time and even less about the present ones and I was hoping that you would be willing to help… educate me.”

“Oh yeah?” She said with a smirk, scooting closer to him. “How so?”

He could feel his hands get sweatier under his gloves. “Well, would I perchance be able to take you on an outing I believe suitable for expressing such… feelings,” he said as he cleared his throat as though the word made him dizzy. “And you advise me on if it was a suitable choice? I can compensate you for your time, I’ve been saving the snails I’ve acquired in exchange for my sewing and tailoring skills. We can have a grand collection of treats!”

“That sounds really nice,” said Paulina, adoring the way his full smile was on display and she could see the gap in his teeth without him shying away, too caught up in his own hypothetical excitement. “I would love to go out with you William.”

“Okay, wonderful,” he managed to squeak, and his eyes lit up in a way Paulina had never seen before. “I will uh I shall make all the arrangements! What day favors your schedule?”

“I’m fine with whatever day works best for you.”

“The sooner the better!” He exclaimed, louder than he intended to. He swiftly adjusted his volume. “I-I just mean for research purposes. I look forward to the learning aspect of the evening, heh.”

“I’m excited too,” she said and he couldn’t control the wide grin that consumed his whole face. She began to pat down the dirt to help support the budding bulb she had been keeping an eye on, ready to bloom any day now. “Do you think at the end you might be ready to tell me who you have a crush on?”

“I think that if everything goes as planned… I will be. Yes.”

[iolaussharpe-24]

Barbie in the Mojave - Chapter One

I promised. It's time to deliver. Chapter one of the Barbie/Mojave fic.

This is just chapter one, so Jack isn't quite here yet, but I hope that it will set the tone I want the story to have.

Special thank you once again to @waywardrose for helping me finally watch Mojave! If it were possible to wear out a digital file the way you could wear out a VHS tape, it would be by now. There was a day I legit watched it three times in a row. I'm not even kidding. This story would not be possible without you.

I also want to tag @my-secret-shame and @lunar-ghoulie for showing this crazy idea interest, as well as @ominoose, @reallyrallyauthor, @steven-grants-world, @clemdango04, and @have-you-seen-my-sanity because you guys were on the "tag regardless" list I made for people I love and thought might enjoy this.

Strangers in a Strange Land

Somewhere along the way, she wasn’t sure where, a wrong turn had been made. Barbie and Ken, for whatever reason, were still in the car. Still in the seemingly endless stretch of desert. Where was the speedboat? The rocket ship? Tandem bike, camper van, snowmobile? She wasn’t supposed to overthink it but, this was ridiculous! The only difference between now and two hours ago were minor things. The sun was hotter. The breeze was warmer and picked up sand that seemed to go straight for the dolls’ eyes. The radio only played static. Even the landscape had changed around them. Fewer sand dunes. More rocky mountains and plateaus. No one around except for the two of them in her pink corvette. There was growth around them, rather than the empty sea of sand. Plants in the ground. Birds in the sky.

They’d somehow lost the road. It had gotten covered up by the sand. She’d thought they were still on it, but this excuse for a dirt road she was driving on didn’t seem to be taking her where she needed to go.

It was maddening. Especially for Barbie. Ken was too busy looking at cloud shapes, cacti, and wiry bushes to really notice that anything was severely wrong. Granted, Ken was the only one to not notice her flat feet when literally everyone else on the beach was freaking out and screaming because of them. Even Weird Barbie thought it was strange. She said she’d never seen anything like it before. And then the way she’d reacted when Barbie had told her the rest….

Going to see her felt like a nightmare. A horrible, horrible nightmare. Life was perfect. Everything was perfect. Her home, her friends, her body, her entire universe! Everything was just the way it was supposed to be. It always was. In all the years she’d existed, Barbie had never had so much as a knot in her hair, let alone a malfunction so bad that it warranted a visit to-

Ugh! She was starting to spiral. Her world had gotten so chaotic so fast that she was starting to go crazy, and that was only accelerating the problem. It was getting harder to keep her smile on her face. She could feel it trying to fall every time she stopped thinking about it. Smiling was always easier than breathing to her. To all the Barbies! …. And now her body doesn’t want to breathe either because she thought about it!

“Look Barbie! A rabbit!” Ken called excitedly, pointing out from the backseat of the car to a brown hare hopping a few yards away.

Wanting to distract herself from the chaos slowly overtaking her existence and threatening to completely envelope her body as well, Barbie looked out at the animal. She watched it move. It was… odd. To say the least. Alien, to be completely honest. In Barbieland, animals didn’t really move much. They counted as accessories. Not dolls. They didn’t have the joints to move the way that Barbies and Kens and Skippers and everyone else did.

But this hare was moving.

Its legs were pumping, carrying it along the sand at a fast pace. Barbie slowed down the car, her eyes glued to it. It was strangely majestic. And she came from a world where rainbows were more common than sunlight, mermaids appeared out of the water to say hi wherever they wanted, and glittery dresses could transform into brilliant fairy wings with a twirl. Her basis of comparison was odd, but that little creature was so-

Before Barbie could even work out her own thoughts, she hit a bump in the road. A very big bump. The kind that didn’t just cause the two passengers to jump out of their seats. The kind that made Ken fly out of the vehicle because he didn’t have his seatbelt on, and flipped the pink corvette onto its side, taking it’s still strapped in pink clad plastic passenger for a ride that she hadn’t been expecting when she asked to be sent to the real world. It wasn’t like when Ken startled her earlier in the day. The car had flipped yes, but it went through the air and landed back on its tires, no harm done. This wasn’t that. This was something else. Something that she’d never felt before.

Time seemed to slow to a crawl as the world turned sideways around her. Her blonde braid lifted off her shoulder and the seatbelt across her lap seemed to tighten, digging into her thighs. She screamed in a way she never had before. She’d felt fear, yes, but not like this. She didn’t think that any of the Barbies or the Kens had ever felt fear like this. It was like her entire body screaming right alongside her. Every inch, every joint, and sculpted line in her body tensed up and clenched tighter than Boxer Barbie’s fists.

The car landed on its side and skidded across the sand, Barbie’s head snapped back from the force of it, the seat digging into her back and pressing into something that wasn’t supposed to bend the way it was being forced to. It didn’t feel good. At all. This was the furthest thing from good she’d ever felt. Saying that it felt bad didn’t even do the feeling justice. It was worse than when she fell off her roof. And that had been the worst until this.

Distantly, she could hear Ken’s voice. He sounded like he was in pain too. Like he was just as scared as she was. He was calling out her name.

For a moment, things went black. Completely black. It lasted less than a second. One singular insignificant second in which absolutely nothing existed. No thoughts. No feelings. No sight or sound. Just darkness and perfect silence. It was so peaceful. Like everything was finally right in the world and she didn’t have to worry about flat feet or cellulite or a rip in the fabric of reality. It felt like that last blissful moment of sleep before getting up in the morning. Like she’d open her eyes and stare through the open roof of her dreamhouse at the beautiful blue sky above. She’d hear the voice singing her through her newest best day ever. And everything that happened since the dance party would only be as real as a bad dream, and forgotten just as quickly.

But that’s not what greeted her when she finally did.

She opened her eyes to an endless desert landscape. The pink corvette was overturned, crumpled on one side, and partially buried a few feet away. At some point, the seat belt must have snapped, because she wasn’t in the car anymore. She was laying on her stomach, her hair a mess around her face, cheek in the dirt.

She tried to sit up, but her body didn’t want to do anything. Her limbs throbbed and she felt her joints pop in an unnatural way as she lifted herself onto her knees. …. She was in pain. The most pain she’d ever felt in all of her years. It was awful.

She’d never feel something like this in Barbieland. Never.

Does that mean I made it to the Real World?

“Barbie! Are you okay?” Ken called as he rushed to her side. Looking up, she saw him limping towards her, a worried expression on his face. She wasn’t really sure how she was, but she didn’t want to scare him. She didn’t want to scare herself either. Looking at the positives, she could move. Nothing felt broken or bent out of shape. She wasn’t dead and/or thinking about being… well, she kind of was, but only as ‘Thank goodness I’m not dead!’ kind of thing. Not an ‘Oh no, I just died!’ kind of thing.

She smiled her perfect smile, though it didn’t feel right in the moment, and slowly rose to her feet. “I’m okay, Ken. Really. I’m fine.”

“Your hands are shaking.”

She looked down at them and saw that he was right. Her hands were shaking. Badly. She’d never seen anything like that before. Anywhere. On anyone. She’d read one of Dr. Barbie’s books once… but there was nothing about this kind of thing in there either. The book was mostly pictures of x-rays and instructions on how to mold a cast out of Barbie Dough.

“I’m fine,” she lied again, feeling it stick in her throat this time. “I’m perfectly fine. Everything is fine.”

Ken nodded and looked around. “That was… wow. I’ve never seen a car do that before. Where are we? Where’s the speedboat?”

“Uh… I think we’re almost there. We have to be, right? Weird Barbie didn’t give me any kind of timeframe for anything. Or specific instructions. She just said that we’d go from a sports car to a speedboat, to a rocket ship, to a tandem bike, to a camper van, to a snowmobile, to roller blades and go to the state of Los Angeles in the country of California. She said not to think about it too much.”

“I thought there was supposed to be some kind of portal at some point?”

“Apparently not.”

“…. Oh.”

Barbie looked at the wrecked car and then out into the desert again. She was starting to feel really hot. And something told her that she wasn’t the only one. Ken had already opened his shirt like he would on the beach. “I know you brought your roller blades, but I need to ask, did you bring any changes of clothes? Something that maybe won’t be so… inappropriate?” she asked, picking at the sleeve of her own pink top.

Ken nodded. “I might have brought a thing or too.”

“Good. We should change and then get going. Can’t be that much farther to the speedboat, right?”

Ken nodded excitedly then ran over to the car where it laid on its side. He popped open the trunk and all their things spilled onto the ground. The shoes, clothes, skates, hair ties, jewelry, and sunglasses.

Barbie put her hands on her hips, but didn’t say anything. Now wasn’t the time to complain. They were stuck with each other for the foreseeable future, lost and alone, with absolutely no idea what they were going to do or how. Weird Barbie just said that she would ‘know’ when she found the little girl playing with her. But she didn’t know how to get to the point that would allow her to know! She wasn’t Explorer Barbie or Rock Climber Barbie, or Girl Scouts of America Barbie. She was just Barbie. Stereotypical Barbie. She didn’t have anything special about her other than the name ‘Barbie’.

Why was her breath coming in so fast? Why was there pressure building in her chest and head?

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. And another. And another. It was working. The pressure was going away. Slowly, but surely. She smiled again and opened her eyes. She looked through the clothes and found a resort outfit she had packed just in case she had to stay somewhere before going home. Specifically, the BarbieStyle Resort-Wear outfit. Tan high waisted wide leg pants, a salmon pink and white crop top with a v neck and puffy half sleeves, cat eye sunglasses, dangly gold earrings, black heels, and a tan clutch purse. She laid everything out in front of her and waited….

And waited….

And waited….

Weird. In the Dreamhouse, she just had to stand in front of her closet and her clothes would change. Actually, it was the same throughout Barbieland; in the boutiques and any general area with a mirror or a door. She just needed a place to stop and choose an outfit to wear and then she’d be wearing it. With all the places a Barbie could go and all the things she could do, quick changes were a necessity.

And yet… her clothes weren’t doing anything now.

Confused, she started to unbutton her top to put the clothes on manually. Then she paused. Ken was right next to her, having the same issue with his pale pink shorts, jacket, mesh shirt, white sandals, and sunglasses. Not wanting to make him feel the same way, she gathered up her things and walked around to the other side of the car, using it as a wall to separate the two of them. Then, she went back to taking off her clothes. The feeling was strange, and the action was one that she wasn’t used to doing, but it was conceptually simple enough. Pull over head and take arms out. Easy.

At least, it sounded easy. Her clothes were tight and didn’t want to come off. For a moment, she got stuck. She got the fabric over her head, but her arms were outstretched and trapped. Eventually, she got it worked out, but it did take her a few minutes to do it.

Once dressed, Barbie realized two things:

First, they didn’t have a way to carry their belongings now that the car was ruined. She didn’t think to bring any actual luggage. All her things fit in the trunk with room to spare and Ken wasn’t supposed to come with her.

Second, now that she wasn’t permanently on her toes, high heels didn’t feel as natural or comfortable as they used to. They hurt her feet and made it hard to walk for long periods of time. And, though she’d never noticed before, heels and the desert didn’t actually mix very well. The thin points sank in the loose dirt and the slick soles made the stones she stepped on roll beneath her, very nearly making her trip over and over again.

It couldn’t be that far, could it?

It couldn’t be that far….

[foibles-fables]

So I've been carving my way through Act 1 of Baldur's Gate 3, and I can't help but consider how a similar romance mechanic would be absolutely perfect for Horizon 3.

Divisive concept, I'm more than well aware. But seeing the way it's already being implemented with fidelity and elegance and depth in the opening of BG3 gives me the perfect image of how it could work in Horizon 3.

To be perfectly clear, I'm talking specifically about the romances. We already know that Guerrilla is not pursuing branching narrative paths for the Horizon series, the way BG3 and Mass Effect do. However, I want to point out that the romances of BG3 don't alter the central narrative the way other choices do. They provide this lovely and emotional character depth and player engagement/agency without affecting the main story or outcomes.

Each is their own kind of side plot, for flavor and flair and to add a sense of romantic connection to the experience, should the player want to pursue that. And that in and of itself is not unprecedented in the Horizon series: the Desert Clan commander quest not only forces a choice, but that choice then affects the side quest that follows.

Imagine it! A more refined Base mechanic, in which Aloy can take a few of her buddies out with her on quests (since the point is that she's Not Alone Anymore), and begins to get closer to whichever potential LI the player wants to pursue. The Base/Camp would be a domestic/cozy reprieve for her, with her LI and her friends. You know she deserves it.

Another thing I want to be clear about: there's always the argument that Aloy isn't a blank slate character, therefore romance choice wouldn't work for her story. And sure, Tav is. However, BG3 also allows you to play as premade origin characters--basically, you can play as Shadowheart, Karlach, Wyll, etc. They maintain their backstories and personal motivations while still being able to romance another party member. (I cannot WAIT to smooch Karlach during my Shadowheart run.) The chosen romance doesn't dilute or change the Player Character's preset characterization or narrative outcomes.

I just. I cannot see how a purposeful romance choice mechanic would be anything but additive to Horizon 3. I cannot see how it would cheapen Aloy's development. Personally, I've had a huge issue with the way the writing in HFW and beyond has very much Told, not Shown. This would remedy that somewhat by adding another level of more active participation than we've seen--and would give the player a chance to engage meaningfully and personally with a small (but emotionally-impactful) part of the overarching story...rather than being told exactly how to feel about certain characters, which is a HUGE pitfall over which the series has stumbled and is still stumbling.

Bottom line: a romance mechanic like BG3's would fit the parameters of Horizon's narrative structure near-perfectly. It'd be an amazing tool to allow the player to feel involved and engaged in another layer of Aloy's story (not, I repeat, the outcomes of the main narrative). To have a hand in shaping that would be an absolute boon for emotional and personal investment in Horizon's themes of hope and connection and growth and belonging.

[atefingersdagger]

If you don't mind me Asking what drew you to shipping thresh and glimmer I just love knowing other people's ideas on unlikely couples/ships and what do you imagine their dynamic to be?

I don't mind at all! Love explaining my niche ships! <3

Originally, it was for an AU where the tributes were somewhat "resurrected" by District 13 (technically the canons fired early for all tributes so they could retrieve them before they succumbed to injury with the exception to those who died in the bloodbath)

And Glimmer's interest in Thresh was for a pivotal conversation with Clove about it. As it, one, showed that Clove wasn't holding a grudge against her killer, and two, that she became close enough to Glimmer that she wants to see her happy. As a way to show Clove's growth and maturity.

I also was thinking about similarities and differences between all the tributes and this random thought that originally wasn't supposed to take up much space in my mind, decided to become something that I actually quite liked.

So, Glimmer likely is insecure, but not in her body, but rather the opposite. She's been told and ordered to be only an attractive body by her stylists and by society. That she isn't much else to anyone but a pair of attractive body parts others can rearrange as they please like a doll. She likely hadn't seen much autonomy.

I see Thresh understanding her lack of control in her life and body within himself. He is described as "built like an ox," which implies he's tall and as brawny as the Career tributes can be. This also implies he had been working and doing labor for a long time in 11. Which means his worth was tied to how much he was harvesting or any other job he was able to have at a young age. So, he feels like he is nothing more than a machine to be geared up and see no fruits of his labor.

I do think they have a lot of differences, though. Glimmer was groomed in many ways to be a tribute and to use her looks to her survival ability, which would have likely completely robbed her of her autonomy as a victor. She was raised to respect the Games.

While Thresh saw through all of the bullshit of the Capitol, he just felt like he was stuck and that it's the luck of his draw. This is why he is solemn and doesn't talk during his interview (according to the book). He won't play their Games, but Glimmer feels like she has too.

They both have been robbed of many choices (at least in my headcanons) and how these understandings help bridge the gap that the propaganda tries to do with the districts. Glimmer learns just how unfairly lower districts are treated, and Thresh learns that District 1 really isn't luxurious but just another place that holds seedy undertones as any other place.

Glimmer is talkative, charismatic, and everything many girls want to he by first glance, but I think Thresh is probably one of the first people to see her as a person. Someone deserving of respect, first and foremost. I think Marvel and Cato were gentlemen and never judged her as she likely got from other men, and Clove was cordial as an ally and not a catty girl. But they were still all technically enemies to start off with.

And I think Glimmer would help bring out Thresh's happier side and allow him to let his guard down in terms of allowing himself to be happy and to have fun once they are in 13. They get to be different and similar simultaneously and embrace both in many ways. As a show of how love and compassion, and not even romantic, necessarily, can break propaganda and years of conquer and divide tactics.

Thresh seems like he wanted to protect the girls, too. Yes, he killed Clove, but he was livid about what she said over Rue, who was arguably "more innocent" in Thresh's eyes at the point. He spared Katniss, and I'm sure he knew Cato would be on his trail and not because of the fact he took the bag with the 2 on it, but because he took an eye and now Cato needs to take an eye in order for them both to make themselves further blinded by the Games. He practically sacrificed himself for the better.

Glimmer and Thresh would find a lot of freedom in each other (as I think Cato did with Clove and Katniss with Peeta) they are attracted to each other but saw much deeper than what they could offer as labor or entertainment, but just as people. Beyond tributes and allowing themselves to truly choose what they want.

Sorry, this rant was so long. Originally, it was supposed to be like 2 or 3 paragraphs, but I had so many details I wanted to explain as I've seen no one else shipping them 🤧

(I also remember finding two pictures of the actors being cute with each other and started giggling cause I was like, "This is evidence that they'd be cute together as characters")

[jedimemery]

Okay guys, hear me out.

I’m sure this scene is still fresh in our minds:

“I tracked down the Trandoshan and pulled some intel out of her.”

Now, hear me out.

I know we’re all still mad at Cid, and rightfully so. She sold them out for some credits at the end of last season, literally right after they’d lost Tech and almost died themselves. It was low, even for her.

But listen.

We don’t know what went down this time. CX-2 tracked her down. He interrogated her and “pulled” information out of her. We don’t know how much it took for her to give them up a second time, to put Phee in potential danger. Maybe it didn’t take much; maybe all he did was threaten her and it was enough for her to talk. But maybe she’d been determined not to talk but was forced to through rather violent measures. Remember in Rebels when Hera told Sabine, “The Empire has ways of making you talk”? Remember when that was demonstrated in morbid detail in Andor?

I’m not saying we should just give her the benefit of the doubt. If you hate Cid, you have every right to. But it kind of bothers me when people say that she’s “beyond redemption.” I think we’ve seen through Crosshair’s growth in the show that nobody is beyond redemption. So in my opinion, it’s probably not the most productive thing in the world to pile on the Cid hate and wish death upon her when we didn’t even see her side of things in that moment with CX-2. We haven’t seen her since last season, and we don’t know if she’s going about her life like a soulless rat or if the guilt is eating her alive, with the final nail in the coffin of her dignity being her forced to give up the Batch again.

Maybe it’s my empathetic nature and my desire to see the good in everyone (hence why Omega is my favorite character), but I’m willing to give Cid a chance to make her case before I write her off completely.

I really feel like one of the best things about Star Wars is the theme of second chances and giving people who are willing room to grow and improve. It’s what we’ve seen in this show so many times, and I really think there’s more to Cid’s story than just greed and betrayal.

(P.S. It’s a canon fact that Trandoshans can grow entire limbs back if they get one severed. We’ve also seen how evil the Empire is and how they will do anything to get what they want. Just some things to think about.)

[acourtofthought]

Okay so scrolling the Lucien tag and not even 5 posts in I see an e/riel!

Now I’m at the point where I don’t bother to engage with them bc I do not see any point, but I am still curious. This person was saying Eluciens & Gwynriels have to twist cannon and the characters (sure Jan), but what really stuck out to me was that one of those “twists” is Azriel feeling nothing more than lust for Elain…

… where is a single shred of proof that Azriel feels more than lust? Which book, which page number? Because it’s literally explicitly stated that he’s planned nothing beyond the fantasies he’d pleasured himself to. So where is the more? I know you used to favor E/riel. Is there anything more you’d point to?

💖🧼

NTSSM my love!!!!! ❤️ I hope you've been well!

People can headcanon all they want that Az has real feelings for Elain but there is no irrefutable evidence and that's a big part of why I grew to really dislike the E/riel ship.

Az was point blank asked about his known feelings for Mor and he refused to answer. I've seen all sorts of debates about this, "he was just caught off guard!" "He doesn't like to talk about his feelings!" but again, those are all fanon theories right now. He in canon and in his POV did not admit to no longer being in love with her and was not willing to reassure one of his best friends that he wasn't about to just use his sister in-law for sex. Cassian noted his longing glances for Mor were fewer in between but that's not completely gone and we know she was traveling for much of SF. There can't be as many looks if the person isn't around.

Az was asked point blank what his plans were when it came to Elain and once again Az said nothing, followed with him thinking how he hadn't thought beyond the sexual fantasies he pleasured himself to.

Az witnessed Elain's major fight with Nesta, he knew there had been another fight prior to it and he couldn't even be bothered to ask her how she was doing once they were finally alone.

Amren reprimanded Az for not believing Elain capable and we didn't see a single shred of remorse at his doubting her.

Az in canon showed admiration for Gwyn. Az in canon has never shown admiration for Elain. Az in canon credited Nesta for her part in the war. Az in canon has never acknowledged anything Elain did in the war. Az in canon felt a spark in his chest at the thought of Gwyn's happiness. Az in canon never noted feeling a spark for Elain. Az in canon thought of Gwyn's charming irreverence and how different she is now compared to when he first met her. Az has never thought a single thing about Elain's personality or her growth. Az in canon did want to taste Elain but Az in canon also has taken many lovers over the years. Az in canon spent 1 year staring at Elain's headache powder but Az in canon spent over 500 years staring at Mor with longing. We were also told that Az is upset that he didn't get what his brothers had which does provide readers doubt to Az having real feelings for Elain. The author specifically wrote the lines she did in a way that caused many to say "he doesn't want Elain for who she is but what she is in terms of the 3 sisters / 3 brother setup". Compare that to his love for Mor which has been a plot point since book 2 (something that was even discussed in the Cassian and Nesta bonus) and there is no doubt that Az had actual feelings for her.

If a romance author can't convince the majority of her readers that the MMC actually wants the FMC beyond sex and entitlement then I have to say she's not writing a very good romance. Especially when she's not a dark romance / bully romance author (those genre's are a bit different).

Az in canon did lend Elain TT but he turned around and looked at Mor with heat and yearning while Elain sat in the room with them (so clearly the TT scene was not really meant to be romantic). Az did head to Hyberns camp to save Elain but he also told Feyre he'd save Briar while they were there. He then disobeyed Feyre's orders to get Elain to safety so he could instead stay behind for Feyre. Az would have never gotten hurt had he left when Feyre told him to, he got hurt because he didn't want to leave Feyre. He was then ready to fly back into battle while injured but only sat out after Mor begged him to.

And when we flip that, where is the proof that Elain has feelings for Az? I'm not talking about a little crush or flirtation, a willingness to hook up, I'm talking "I will sneak behind the backs of my friends and family to have a forbidden romance with Az and don't care what that means for the peace of our lands because he's worth everything to me."

Was it when she was kidnapped by the Cauldron because she thought it was Graysen? Was it when Az was about ready to pass out from his injuries and she never bothered to ask after him? Was it when she knew he was bothered by her mating bond but had zero interest in actually talking to him about it in his POV? You know, actually sharing in a real conversation with depth after a year where they both pretty much avoided one another rather than thinking hooking up was the better option? (It's giving Tamlin and Feyre who chose not to talk about everything they were dealing with UTM and instead thought banging one out was the smart choice. Sarah doesn't have her endgame couples hooking up before dealing with the hard stuff). Was it when she returned his necklace and was written to be completely indifferent to him the rest of the book? Where she showed zero evidence of sadness or mourning after Solstice?

That E/riels accuse us of twisting canon when they've got Elain as a bloodthirsty, dagger wielding, black leather wearing liar who doesn't care whose feeling she hurts is something else.

I realize that Elucien's saying Elain might have secret feelings for Lucien and is overwhelmed by her physical attraction to him which is one of the reasons she draws back is also a fanon theory right now but the difference is we have empirical evidence to back that up because it's what was revealed about every single Archeron sister to date. Where she ignored, berated, etc. her mate because she was so overwhelmed at being drawn to them (even if she didn't fully understand why that was). Sarah is a Fated Mates author along with many other Fated Mates authors. We have actual data to support that Elain and Lucien as mates will end up together and that Elain has possibly been struggling with her feelings for Lucien all this time.

And yes, there are many yet to be proven Gwynriel headcanons but how could a male feeling something spark in his chest at the simple thought of a female's happiness, a female he really only just met, be considered anything but the first hints at a future romantic pairing?

Az felt happy thinking of Gwyn feeling happy. What is the definition of love if not that?