#she almost died last session lol had me panicked

[whomstsnek]

Oh Honey of Bees we're really in it now

[fromthadiningtable]

Get A Room Part 4

(Guys, I am so sorry this took so long!! Part 5 will not take as long I promise lol, but I hope you guys like it!!)

Part one, two and three

Warnings: language and mentions of drugs, some angst??? (I think)

You only waited about five minutes or so like you had allotted yourself before you decided you would go out there. You hadn’t heard any screaming or shouting from inside the bathroom but in quite the opposite way, it had quieted down. This was unusual, Tommy’s ex girlfriend hadn’t been around in months but when she was, it was usually a scene. There would always be yelling involved and maybe some pushing and then a very dramatic exit. He always seemed to like girls like that and it made you wonder why he would pick you. You weren’t the typical girl he always picked, especially in personality.

Shaking the thoughts that were coming to your head, you gathered yourself in the mirror before heading out of the bathroom door. You were a little messy from the makeout session you’d just had with your best friend but it would pass. You noticed down the hallway that the party really had died down. A few people had left and then some were passed out on the living room floor or couch. You didn’t see Tommy or Ashley or any of the other boys anywhere so you decided to search around. You found Mick in one of the bedrooms, sound asleep and he looked peaceful. They had to be outside, you thought, surely they wouldn’t just leave without you. You headed out of the door and sure enough, there was Tommy smoking a cigarette on the balcony while Nikki and Vince were trying to calm Ashley down below on the sidewalk. Tommy seems emotionless, taking long drags on his cigarette and observing the scene below. Ashley was looking up at him while talking to Nikki and Vince, daggers in her eyes and venom in her words.

After a moment, Vince rolls his eyes and steps away from the situation. “There’s no arguing with this chick man.” He scoffs and heads back inside the apartment.

“No, you know what Nikki? He always fucking does this. He always acts like I don’t know what I’m talking about and I’m just a crazy bitch, but he knows what he did.” Ashley spat out the words and was still eyeing Tommy. You realized there was no commotion in the house because they had taken her outside to avoid a scene. But as her tone rose and she grew angrier at the lack of Tommy’s reaction, neighbors started coming outside to see what was going on.

“Fuck,” Tommy muttered to himself as he noticed as well.

“Ashley, you have to go home.” Nikki said to her, not wanting the cops to get called for the second time this month.

“Why? Why does everyone always come to his rescue? He’s not some little baby like everyone thinks he is.” She was escalating quickly as Tommy just continued to stare into the distance, ignoring every word she said.

“Look I hear you, but bottom line you have to go home. It’s late man and we’ve got neighbors.” Nikki said and was handling himself very well considering it was like talking to a brick wall when it came to Ashley.

You just kept looking from person to person, not really saying anything in fear of any backlash or being dragged into the argument. After a few more digs and last words she finally stopped and headed down the street to her ride and you were all relieved that she didn’t go any further.

“Where do you find these chicks man?” Nikki asks, and bumps into you a little as he also headed inside.

Tommy smiled a little to himself and shook his head. You knew this fighting sometimes gave him a little thrill and he would usually have a shit eating grin on his face about it. He was a little a more subtle tonight and you wondered why. You scooted over on the balcony to get closer to him and ask for a cigarette.

He almost read your mind and pulled out his pack and put it next to you. You took one out and he had his lighter out ready to light it for you. You smiled a little to yourself and allowed him to light the cigarette for you. It was a small sign of chivalry, a sweet one at that.

“So, what was all that about?” You finally asked him after the moments of silence that had just occurred.

Tommy took in a deep breath and exhaled and finally told you. “Basically she’s pregnant and she’s saying it’s mine but we haven’t slept together in almost 7 months. So, it’s not mine and she’s crazy.”

You laughed a little at his response, he was so simplistic about it and genuine. It did concern you a little though. Sure, Ashley was crazy but crazy enough to falsely accuse him of being a father? It couldn’t be. However if what Tommy was saying was true, she’d be much further along in a pregnancy. You shook these thoughts because from their reactions, even Nikki and Vince didn’t seem convinced of what she was saying either.

“Yeah, you really know how to pick them.” You joke and take another drag from the cigarette in your hand.

Tommy gets much closer to you and whispers in your ear. “You seem to be forgetting what just happened in the bathroom.” His lips are barely ghosting the outside of your ear, painstakingly sitting there making no contact with your skin.

“I assumed you forgot.” You turned to him and smiled and then leaned in to kiss him. He pulled your arm to pull you closer to him and you put your arms around his neck. Your lips meet and it feels even better than it did before, he slips his tongue inside of your mouth and allow both of you to explore for a few minutes.

Tommy pulled away all of a sudden. “Wait wait,” He says and you’re already panicking at the loss of his lips on yours. “We have to keep this from the guys - for now.” He seemed worried they would walk out any moment and catch the two of you. You understood where he was coming from but it also felt like he wanted to hide it in a bad way.

“Just for now, okay? Let us get these next couple of shows out of the way before we tell them.” He assures you, noticing his previous words stung you a little bit. You nodded and decided it might be best, you didn’t want the other guys thinking you would distract Tommy during these crucial next few shows they had coming up. You also didn’t feel like dealing with their reactions to what happened when you were still trying to decide how you felt about it. Of course there were no regrets or bad feelings but more so some confusion and worry about what would happen now.

Tommy sensed your mood changing around this whole thing and rested his hand on your arm. He leaned in and gave you one more kiss on the lips. “It’ll be alright, I promise.” He says to you and you’re more relaxed after. He typically never promised if he didn’t mean it. You would just go with the flow and hope for the best and it would probably all work out.

//

The next night, the boys had a show at a popular club on the strip. These next few shows they had were important for their career. It could make or break them and you made the time to be there and show your support for your best friend. It was weird having this little secret between the two of you. Tommy would give you certain looks throughout the day that were hard to decode. It was usually followed by a smirk or a twinkle in his eyes. Whatever he did, it was making your heart flutter like you hadn’t felt in the longest time. It was surprising to you but also a good feeling and a welcome one.

Mötley Crüe did amazing, as per usual, you thought to yourself. The set list they had prepared was one of their best and they all used their talents and created art like people had never heard or seen before. You were so proud of all of them and watched from backstage as you practically beamed. Tommy would occasionally glance at you while drumming his heart out and give you a smile. Before their encore song, Vince ran back stage and stumbled slightly while getting to the dressing room. You noticed he must be drunk or high. Either way he was making a wreck of the dressing room, looking for god knows what.

“What the hell are you doing? Get back out there!” The stage manager looked frustrated as he yelled at Vince from the door way.

“Vince!” You called out, trying to get him back on stage before the audience got too antsy. He still didn’t listen so you went to the dressing room to try and drag him out.

“I can’t find my shit.” He said to you when you walked in. The drawers and the chairs and everything in the dressing room was strewn about without any care at all. You still didn’t know what he was looking for specifically but whatever it was, was the most important thing in the world to him at the moment.

“Just what exactly are we looking for?” You asked him, growing frustrated that he didn’t seem to care about the show having to go on.

He leaned in close to you so the stage manager wouldn’t hear. “It’s coke. I just need a little bump before the rest of the show.” He said quietly. You smacked him on the arm. “You need to get back out there! Are you fucking kidding me?!”

He looked back at you like a five year old who just gotten one of his toys taken away. “Now!” You said again, urgently so he would get the picture. Before you could even blink, Vince had his hand on the back of your head and he was kissing you. You immediately pulled away. You didn’t even know what had just happened but all you could do was stare back at him with your mouth open.

“I’ve been thinking about that night at Nikki’s, when we were on the couch,” he said, his eyes were hooded over and he seem slightly impaired. You were growing furious, at what he had just done and his need to waste time right now.

“I’m going to give you two minutes to get back out there before I freak out.” You say back to him, your cheeks growing red and the anger in your stomach eating at you. Why would he think that was okay? And now this was a secret you had to keep from Tommy or rather just tell him and have him hate you again.

Vince huffed once again and left the dressing room. The stage manager followed him out and you stood there in complete shock at the kiss he had just placed on your lips. What a complete idiot, you thought to yourself. Sure you guys had flirted maybe a week ago and you showed some interest but you thought Tommy had gotten the message across to him. The alcohol and the drugs probably gave Vince some courage to do it as well. Regardless, you were anxious about how it would go over with Tommy, if you would even tell him. It didn’t feel right at all.

//

After the show, everyone gathered at a local bar for some drinks. It was a bar not far from the club and the inside was dark and smoky with a band playing on a small stage. The bar had crazy colored lights behind it and the bartenders were working on drinks steadily. You felt weird being with the boys and the fact that Vince had just tried to make out with you back stage. You were going to have to tell Tommy but there was still the option of keeping it a complete secret. Luckily, Vince had picked up a girl after the show so he wasn’t going to be anywhere near you for the rest of the night. However Tommy would be and that kiss was all you could think of. You felt so guilty even though you didn’t welcome it, but you hated keeping secrets from Tommy especially when it was something he requested you not do at all.

You all headed to a round table on the side of the room with some chairs and sat around. A waitress headed over shortly and grabbed a drink order from everyone. You desperately wanted to crawl away from all of them and decide what you would do. You could never pass up a good time with the boys though, and you hoped maybe this would just distract you for the time being. Drinks were over to the table soon enough and you just continued to observe while everyone had a good time talking and discussing the next show and things they can do differently. Tommy noticed you seemed to be out of it and put his hand on your knee under the table, out of sight from everyone else. You smiled to yourself and hoped no one noticed.

After a few more drinks, the party was really kicking up. Vince had disappeared with the girl mentioned earlier, Mick was fading slightly but continued to give witty remarks to Nikki and Tommy who were coming up with names for their first studio album when the time came. The names they came up with were ridiculous and it took everything in Mick and also in you, to not absolutely roast every single suggestion they had. Tommy continued to touch your knee and your thigh, whatever he could conceal but also have some sort of contact on you. This secret was one you didn’t feel terrible about. In fact, it was kind of exciting that you both had these feelings and had done things the others didn’t know about.

“Meet me in the bathroom in five minutes.” Tommy said in your ear and told the others he was heading there and would be back soon. You stayed in your seat and chatted with Nikki about some album names you had come up with and how they were ten times better than what he had come up with. After five minutes had passed, you announced that you also were going to the restroom and would be right back. It wasn’t noticeable to the point where they picked up on it thankfully. You grew anxious, knowing Tommy wanted to be physical but all you could think about was the Vince issue.

The bathrooms were thankfully single person and one of the two was locked. You knocked and waited for Tommy to open it. He cracked it open slightly and seeing it was you, he pulled you in and immediately had you up against the door kissing you. You had missed his lips entirely too much and your tongues mingling with each other felt amazing.

“What is it with us and bathrooms?” You asked him, breaking the kisses for a moment. He laughed to himself and then went right back to giving your lips some attention, then moving to your neck and your jawline. You were sighing with pleasure once again but then the thought of Vince’s lips on yours came to your mind. The guilt in the pit of your stomach became more evident the more Tommy’s hands and lips roamed.

You knew you wouldn’t be able to keep it in. You had had a few drinks and this didn’t feel right. It didn’t feel fair to you or to him, and you had to stay something whether the timing was appropriate or not.

“Vince kissed me tonight, back stage before the last song. He just did it I swear, we weren’t flirting and” you stopped and noticed Tommy had instantly pulled away as soon as he heard the first few words you said. You looked down at the floor, away from the heat already coming out of his eyes. He was either going to flip or completely leave and never speak to you again.

“What?” He said, wanting clarification. The look on his face said it all. He was furious and you knew he was allowed to be. You hadn’t told him sooner and it was something that had made him upset before. No explanation you could give him would fix it at this point.

Tags: @getthefckouttahere @stevenandsam @dylanobandposts21 @anon-1112 @switchthewitch @sighsophiia @mainly-me @bandzrus @divaanya @evrsncnewyork @yoinks-i-dont-feel-so-good @catsoo-12 @whydoilooklikekurtcobain @supernaturalvikingwhore @vintageratdoctor @thatbandchick39 @chasityquinn @swoopygorl @shamelessobsessions @itsametaphorbriansblog @juliarose21 @whiskey-a-go-go @anxious-diabetic @ziggysstardustz @thanks2pete @captainloki1 @tommyfuckinlee @itssaje @littlesunnymoon @imamazzellhoe @killer-queen-ofrhye @slowandangry @momothepeachgirl @itsharleyalb @ecstaticqueenbri @wheresmyvodkabitch @madsthegroupie @itsmotleyfuckingcrue @caos18blog @pandem--onium @annabeth-14 @langdonsdemon @rxsesinjune @machinegunkiki @sisterchristixn @luv4fandoms @yesloverboy @solohqrry @she-likes-dead-flowers @leterscam @kennisababe @twistnet @kat-976 @jongkey-1221

[alitoowell]

One year—365 days—and still I cannot find the words to do justice to the magnitude of gratitude that I feel, and will forever feel, for the magic that was October 22, 2017.  It’s funny because meeting Taylor was always in my mind as a possibility.  In that people DO meet her, so it’s possible.  But I always viewed it as possible, yet unachievable.  People would meet her, but they wouldn’t be ME.  Simply because the odds were too great of being noticed or picked from a crowd.  So I never planned out how it would go, or where, or what I would say, which left me even more absolutely floored when it happened.  Even a year later my brain cannot quite wrap around the fact that the woman who I’ve looked up to since I was 15, who’s music has been the soundtrack to my life for an entire decade, had me over at her house?  I got to hug her?  Dance with her?  And listen to her entire unreleased album and the stories behind it?  That seems unbelievable.  And it will always seem unbelievable because people. don’t. do. that.  But Taylor does.  My friends have been encouraging me for a whole year straight to type everything out, and I never quite got there.  The task seemed too great, I didn’t know where to start, or what words to choose to capture those memories adequately.  In one of those moments of frustration I realized I actually already had written nearly everything—in the no less than 63 messages I sent to my best friend Shaina less than 24 hours later on October 23, 2017.  Though it’s jumbled and not perfect in any way and contains the misspellings and keyboard smashes and all, here’s my Taylor story, a year later, as told the day after it happened—in message form.

~

I MET TAYLOR SWIFT SHDJEKJDKROF

I CANNOT BELIEVE MY LIFE

I HAVEN’T CRIED YET BUT ITS 4 AM AND I THINK ITS FINALLY HITTINGME

photo of wristband

SHE FUCKING DANCED WITH ME DURING LOOK WHAT YOU MADE ME DO LIKE GRABBED MY HAND AND JAMMED WITH ME AS I WAS SHOUTING THE LYRICS GOODBYEEEEEEE

photo of merch

GOODBYEEEEEEEEE

Shaina: You’re lying

IM NOY IM NOT OH MY FOD OH MY FREAKINF GOD

PARKER THOUGHT I WAS DRUNK OF SOMETHING CUZ I WAS SHOUTING VIA TEXT ASKING IF HE WAS UP HOLT SHIT

Shaina: Ok. Spill. I’m shook.

Okay okay so I’m literally about ready to pass out I haven’t slept well since finding out last week and legit got two hours of afterwards last night, well this morning ahhh

And about to board my flight but I’ll try to type quick

So basically her team DMed me last Tuesday saying they’ve noticed what an amazing fan I am and asked for my information

And people have been making fake TN accounts and sending fake messages to be awful, and I thought it was fake because I never expected to ever be contacted

So I’m like in the gym parking lot thank god I didn’t see it while I was still at work

And I realize it has a blue verified check and that it’s legitimate and the last questions was have you ever met Taylor and I LOSE MY SHIT IM IN HYSTERICS IN THE CAR AND CALL MY MOM AND SHE THINKS I GOT IN AN ACCIDENT

So basically I’m a freaking ass mess because I’m 99% it’s for a secret session since at that point one had happened and we all assumed that there would be more cities, and I was almost positive they would NOT send that message to someone and not follow through and call and tell them SOMETHING

So I can’t sleep I leave my phone on cuz I don’t want to miss a call

It of course doesn’t come til the next day while I’m AT WORK

And they freaking ass knew my twitter and tumblr and asked for all my socials and I now know the people I talked to weren’t asked that so that’s weirddddd

Anyway so sure as hell it’s a ‘very special event’ and it’s all too secret and I can’t tell anyone except a parent for safety

And once I confirm I can get myself to LA she gives some instructions and said final details will be emailed  

And so that was Wednesday and I’m crying at work and their dinner was late lol

And I called my mom and was like this weekend Sunday book flights nowwwww

And then the quick version is for the next two days I was practically puking every day so nervous and the email wasn’t coming and I was like shitttttt

So finally on Friday I straight up call Taylor Nation back and get straight through and say my name and she’s like what’s up?! And she says they’re coming out later that day

And so I flew down Saturday and I rented my very first car and took my first legit solo trip in the name of Taylor freaking swift honestly I’m not surprised

And bless Briana’s fam’s heart they were out of town but let me stay in their guest apartment while they were away with no explanation so that was very nice and less stress for me

And then I had to sit from 3:30 Saturday until 5:15 Sunday in LA by myself unable to tell anyone and it was wilddddddd

Like I was like sweeeeeet I can get caught up in my journal!!!  Noooo I deadass sat there and felt like I was dying and about threw up hourly like how the freaking hell do you just casually chill when you know your damn outlandish never thought it would occur dream is about to happen and not only that but like on a times 100 scale?!?!

So basically I went to her damn house and we hung out by the pool and ate food and the weirdest part is I’ve been unable to eat and have been panicking all week but the second I got to the first check point and to her house even more I was just like chillllll like ayeeeee this is gonna be fun omg I’m so hungry and let’s eat all this food

And so basically it’s a listening session for the new album and we obviously can’t say anything about it or what she said about it besides like probs that it’s AWESOME OUTSTANDING IS GONNA SLAY THE WORLD AND SHES SO LROUD OF IT AND MY BABY DID THAT AND IM REAL PROUD

Okay okay but she like explained each song in-depth and was the cutest cupcake singing along fully jamming to everything and like looking at everyone the entire time and locking eyes as she’s singing ya feel

My flight is about to leave but I will continue later!!!!!

Shaina: This is insane I can’t believe it I’m beyond stoked for you safe travels and talk soon

Okay we not leaving quite yet sooooo I’m missing parts. So we are told we’re gonna go inside and sit down and I book it fast to get a spot on the ground like only two people sitting in front of me and there’s a red plush chair not even 10 feet away that she’ll obviously be sitting in and we’re all like sjedjekkdir

And I was wondering who all I would know there right!?? And was bummed there’s one girl I talk to frequently who loves Shawn Mendes and we know each other cuz she saw my Shawn poster on twitter and she’s from LA but I hadn’t seen her

And then someone pokes me and is like ALIIIIIIII AND ITS HER AND WE FLIP AND SXREAM SO LOUD THE WHOLE ROOM THOUGHT IT WAS TAY AND WAS PISSSSSSED AND SHUSHING US AND SOMEONES LIKE THEY KNOW EACH OTHER!!!!! HAHAHAHA

Shaina: This just keeps getting better and better. How did you keep this a secret?!?!?!?

Shaina: How many people were there

AND SO ANYWAY WE ALL THOUGHT TAYLOR WAS GONNA COME IN FROM THE FRONT AND SIT RIGHT DOWN??? AND ON THE BUS SOMEONE WAS LIKE YOOOOO WHAT IF SINCE TONIGHT IT’S IN LA SHE BRINGS FRIENDS????? AND SO SHE OF COURSE INSTEAD COMES FROM THE BACL AND THE DAMN ROOM EXPLODES AND SHE LOOKS LIKE A DAMN GODWESS AND SHE’S LIKE HIIIIIIIII AND GRINNING AND ALSO COMES IN JACK ANTANOF (SPELLING IDK IM CURRENTLY OFFLINE SO I CANT CHECK), TWO OF THE HAIM GIRLS, AND RUBY ROSE AND THE ROOM IS LIKE SHATTERING

AND SO SINCE SHE IN THE BACK SHE STARTS MAKING HER WAY THROUGHHHHHH US AND IS GRABBING PEOPLE AND PEOPLE ARE STANDING UP AND HUGGING HER AND HOLY CRAP

Okay lololol shoot I just woke up and didn’t realize the rest of this story was notttt in constant caps like I’ve been using all day my bad my bad

And so she’s playing the songs in order off the album and I think it’s okay to say that her and jack are losing their minds because they’ve never gotten to experience our reaction to new stuff they’ve worked on when they’re together, and definitely not together and in person, so she kept being like this is so cool for us you have no idea and he’s in the back confirming lololol

And so anyway she gets to Look What You Made me Do and she’s like soooo how do we want to do this??? Do we want to keep sitting do we want to dance…??? And we’re all like DANCEEEEEE SHDHIEOKRKR and shes like okayyyy we’re dancing and Shaina this is deadass like straight out of a dream.  Actually wait no I couldn’t have imagined this, but she starts and I was anticipating part of this but not the whole thing…

So she obviously doesn’t just have us bopping along and staying and dancing on her own up front… she starts making her way into our basically tiny crowd and we’re so packed together that she’s grabbing people’s hands so she doesn’t fall as she goes. And she’s stopping and dancing with people and stops and stays dancing like staring at one guy and he’s going for it and not afraid and singing the lyrics dramatically right back to her….

And then she makes her way towards and wait for it

GRABS MY DAMN HAND AS SHE’S TRYING TO GET FARTHER INTO THE MIDDLE AND I’M LIKE OKAY OKAY JUST CHILL SHE JUST GRABBED MY HAND NO BIGGIE AND IM LIKE SHES GONNA KEEP WALKING LIKE THAT WAS MY MOMENT RIGBT?!?!

NOOOOOOOOOOO SHE STOPS THERE ONCE SHES BY ME AND IS DANCING WITH THE PEOPLE THAT ARE AROUND HER BUT HER BACK IS TO ME AT THIS POINT BUT IM STILL LIKE HOLY SHIT WHAT IS LIFE AND THEN SHE FREAKING ASS TURNS THE HELL AROUND AND IS DANCING! WITH! ME! LIKE! SHES! LOOKING! AT! ME! AND IM LIKE JAMMING OF COURSE AND SCREAMING THE LYRICS AND I LITERALLT DIED AND WENT TO HEAVEN

And then Vanessa (my Shawn buddy) at this point has scooted up to me cuz everyone’s shifted and the people around me are like dude holy shit SHE DANCED WITH YOUUUUU

BYEEEEEEEEEEEE

Okay okay so after the whole album was played she gave us like the lowdown on the meet and greet portion and she passed out the target exclusive magazines for us to see while we waited and talked a bit about the making of them and why and things and she’s really pumped about them and they worked really hard to have them be affordable as possible and cut down the pages and things

And meanwhile like the whole night she’s so close that people would make comments and she’d hear and respond and it was so cute and amazing

Also I don’t think I’ve mentioned her outfit yet???  She’s been looking bomb at all of the other sessions and holy helllll she looked bomb like damnnnnnnnn she had on a black crop top and these high waisted and slightly folded down camouflage pants and these black boots and her hairrrrrrr this era is like natural curls and soooo damn cute

Okay okay so anyway we thought it was a greattttt idea to wait towards the end so we could stay longer and not go first and be done and sent home… yeah well it ended up being a not great idea because we ended up waiting two hours but I’m obviously not complaining one freaking bit

And she’s doing pictures in the other room so we can’t really see much for most of it but every so often we can see people talking to her and taking photos and it’s so cute it’d melt your hearttttttt

And so those of us that have bonded together at this point are like um shoooooot what pose and what the hell do I say to her??????? Like all week to my parents I was like ummmmm soooooo I’ve imagined this happening but like never thought it’d actually happen so unlike some people I had nottttt planned like a monologue of what I’d want her to know if I ever met her???? Like with Vance I was lost too but with my posters it was easier and I’ve seen him recently and yada yada but this is TAYLOR FREAKING SWIFT WHO IVE LOVED WITH MY WHOLE DAMN HEART SINCE I WAS FIFTEEN AND SHIT IM TEARING UP ON THE PLANE WHAT THE HELL DO YOU SAY TO HER WHAT DO YOU WANT HER TO KNOW YOU’VE GOT LIKE TWO MINUTES WITH HER GOOOOO

And so we were all really curious if she’d somehow recognize us because people have been saying that they walk in and she shouted their name! And I’m like idk if that’s gonna happen but might as well see if not just ask if she’s seen anything idk idk???

So okay buckle up for like the greatest time of my entire damn life

So I walk in and hug herrrrrrrrrrrrr

And I wish to god I can remember everything she said but I was focusing so hard on keeping it together and saying my bit that I know for sure what I said and can put together mostly something the general sentiment of what she said if not it exactly. So we’re huggingggg and I say I think hiiiii it’s so nice to finally meet you thank you for having me I’m so excited to be here or something and she’s like awww thank you for coming!! And I’m like I have to know how did we all get picked, was it by you or your team or how did it happen?? And I don’t know what the first part of her answer was but she says so the people from LA have been picked for about a year, and the people from elsewhere (I’m guessing with exceptions) have been picked more recently like within the past few months so like now I know it has nothingggg to do with whatever we’ve been doing online recently…. It’s from at least when she first came back if not before and they realized we were active while she was away….

And so I’m like okay ali say something else so I’m like so I really like making concert posters and the first ones I ever made were for you and shes like aw thank you!! And I’m like I realized other people were making posters and I’d been a RA and I was like hey I can make some really bomb posters tooooo. And so I’m like the fist ones said ‘Taylor someday we’ll meet you even if it’s just in our wildest dreams’ and she grabs me and is like AND NOW WE’RE MAKING IT HAPPEN!!! And so I say after I got the phone call I was in my car listening to Ready For It and started bawling when she sings ‘in my dreams, I know I’m gonna be with you’ cuz I knew it was actually happening and shes like awwwwwww or something you get the idea

And so then I straight up start talking about my dad???

I’m like so my dad loves you and she’s like omg and I’m like no he adoresss youuu and is so sad he couldn’t come and she’s like awww tell him hi!!! And I’m like he loves your Out of the Woods piano Grammy performance and I say how I’d found him listening to it repeatedly and he wanted it on his phone. And she’s like he sounds amazing! And I’m like he is he’s awesome lol and I’m like actually and so him and I went and saw you at F1 last year and of course I’m like and I made signs for there too and so I describe them IN DETAIL like what they said, I realized later I told her I was from Oregon, because I said they were the states and the dotted line and the paper airplane and I think she really liked that??? And as if that all isn’t already insane enough at some point in there I mentioned how this month has been insane and how I’d met Vance Joy and it was my birthday and now this and she said something excitedly about that like ahhh so much excitement or idk something about it. And so she’s like so what pose would you like to do? And I’m like I’ve really been going back and forth between just hugging or doing something sort of funny (low key said that hoping she’d be like girl let’s do both but lololol it’s okay) so she’s like it’s completely up to you!! And I’m like um um okay let’s just hug so she grabs me and we take the freaking photo and ahhhhhhhh

And so Vanessa and I had it planned out and she had me go first and at this point I was like would it be okay if my friend and I got a photo with you together and she’s like of course!! So V comes in and hugs her and we take one photo together and she squeezes us together tight and then I hug her one last time and thank her and say I love you so much (lol I had to throw it in other people forgot it and have been upset) and then I walk out and they hand me my merch bag and are directing me to the bus but I’m like can I wait for my friend and they’re like sure. So she comes out and she’s like SHE KNEW MY NAME SHSJEKOFN and she’s like yelling and I’m like shut up and I grab her and I’m like shhh shhhhh hahahaha and so we walk to the bus and it’s the funniest thing cuz they’re just waiting for it to be full so anytime someone new walks on everyone’s like SPILLLLLLLLL

And then once it was full we went back got our things, exchanged details with people on that bus and took photos and whatnot and turned our phones on to the madness anddddddd so well thats the story of the best damn day of my life

~

Taylor, thank you thank you thank for giving me such incredible memories that I’ve blown up the phones of every person I know, and have talked every person’s ears off that I’ve met during these past 365 days, about how special they are to me.  Thank you for making it happen, thank you for holding my gaze so intently and being so genuine every second I was talking to you, thank you for bringing me some of the best friends I’ve ever had, thank you for being so prominent in the highlights of not only this past year, but this past decade.  I love you forever, babe.  Long, long live October 22, 2017.

[arielmagicesi]

often when a series ends and especially when there is such a show-stopping ending, before I can analyze how I feel, I have to first list everything that actually happened. Now I don’t know if Steven Universe is actually over but I just. what the fuck that was too much I didn’t have time to react before getting slapped with something else

spoilers below obviously

I was tempted to start listing from the point of “Gem Drill” because I’ve heard that only a year has passed since then and I mean, what a fucking wild year for poor Steven. I’m also tempted to start listing from “A Single Pale Rose” because shit moved FAST starting from there. But I’m just gonna list everything that happened in “Change Your Mind.”

It’s kind of what makes me suspect that this is the final episode of the entire series, because although plot pacing has been accelerating throughout the entire series (going from “Steven learns how to bubble” taking 10 episodes, to “diamond showdown” being a minor subplot of 1) and although the plot pacing went super-speed for this whole diamond arc, this episode shoved EVERY LAST THING IN.

stuff that could’ve waited (Lars and Sadie’s reunion) and stuff that should’ve taken vastly longer if it even should’ve happened at all (White Diamond’s lightning-speed reformation) was all put into one episode. now, it was deftly combined, and I liked almost every individual part, and there was some possibly-unintended comedy to it all (”she’s GOOOOONE!!!!” and White Diamond demonstrating the big ship’s pussy-out look, etc) but holy hell I would have loved for it to have gone at a slower pace so that they could have explored some of the stuff.

[also, my ability to react to things is lessened. meeting Sunstone would’ve been, I’m not joking, the highlight of my week just two years ago. now it wasn’t even the coolest of the fusions we met, and meeting the fusions was an incredibly minor point in the episode. also i have other things in my life now lol]

obviously, part of this pacing is due to the airing schedule of the show. on a normal airing schedule, I’d feel emotionally exhausted- this would have been, what, a month after the Pink-Diamond-is-Rose-Quartz reveal? but because this show airs in the dumbest way possible, we have like five hundred years between plot points. however, Steven did not? Pearl did not? Garnet did not? CONNIE did not? how the fuck are they getting along?

secondly, this was all in one episode, so yeah holy shit, some whiplash occurring for this here viewer

(one final note: I now take back getting annoyed that we got Watermelon Moana last week because it was so gentle compared to this)

anyway, my promised list of Crazy Shit that happened in one 40-minute episode:

1. Steven gets a flashback that tells him about a previous transgression of Pink’s, where we meet some other aliens. pointing to an old rebellion?

2. we see another Steven identity crisis with him flashing through Steven-Pink-Rose

3. Steven convinces Blue Diamond that she’s abusive and she immediately realizes the error of her ways and decides to help him and Connie out. (also, Connie talks to Diamonds a lot, I love her. damn girl)

4. we retrieve the bubbled Crystal Gems

5. Yellow and Blue have a big public diamond showdown

6. we discover that Yellow Diamond has emotions and tears, and feels pressured. shocking. if only the planets she’d colonized had thought to sit her down and chat

7. Yellow decides to join Steven’s side as well

8. they make a plan to escape via the leg-ship

9. White Diamond decides to show up and do her Creepy Act and she lands her big torso on the legs (confirming the obvious theory that the ships act as one big body)

10. Diamond Showdown Part 2, where Yellow and Blue attempt to fight White

11. Bismuth, Lapis, and Peridot return. We see Lapis and Peridot’s new forms.

12. Bismuth has fixed the arm ships and upper-cuts an upper-crust for the first time in her life in a really cool way.

13. Steven manages to say words to White Diamond, and so do Yellow and Blue.

14. White Diamond GREY-IFIES BLUE AND YELLOW DIAMOND

15. which also means we find out exactly what the fuck is wrong with White Pearl (also may I say, this is something I wrote about in my fic, accessible on my AO3, linked in my About)

16. Steven falls dramatically with the gems of his friends in his arms

17. Steven finds out he can (and decides to) retrieve gems from their gems by fusing with them

18. We see Smoky Quartz form mid-air

19. We see Amethyst’s new form

20. Steven fuses with Pearl for the first time ever, and we see Rainbow Quartz 2.0 for the first time

21. We see Pearl’s new form

22. We see what a pink diamond/rose quartz forms with a garnet for the very first time

23. Steven’s own first fusion with Garnet

24. Sunstone attempts to start shit with the giant robot

25. We see Garnet’s new form

26. Bismuth presents the replacement for the Sword of Rose Quartz, as a gift to Connie

27. We see the full-blown temple fusion for the very first time ever

28. Steven has his first fusion with all the Crystal Gems

29. We meet Obsidian and she succeeds in starting shit with the giant robot

30. We see Bismuth, Peridot, Lapis, and Connie all contribute to the fight and survive horrifyingly dangerous scenarios. (still gotta wonder what the HELL Connie’s mom was thinking... she went from not letting her kid watch inaccurate TV shows to letting her nearly die countless times in outer space at the hands of alien dictator robots)

31. let me just add, I <3 Connie and she deserves the world. bravest kid in the universe

32. the Crystal Gems find a way to invade the robot

33. the four main Crystal Gems face up against White Diamond herself and her grey-ified pearl and grey-ified fellow diamonds

34. White reveals a bit to us via villain-monologue that we probably could’ve guessed already: she wants every gem to be flawless, to be identical to her essentially yet subservient- which she considers to be synonymous with flawlessness- and her theory about the way the colors of the diamonds informs their personalities. Including that Pink is part of White, despite White’s dislike of this fact.

35. White grey-ifies the Crystal Gems

36. Connie arrives, also fully ready to fight this bitch

37. the grey-ified Crystal Gems restrain Steven and Connie

38. Steven gets to have that full-fledged conversation he wanted with White, I guess

39. BIGGEST ACTUAL REVEAL OF THE EPISODE: We find out what happens when Steven’s gem is removed from his stomach!!! that’s been a question since episode ONE I think

40. we get to see a Pink Steven and a Human Steven, which is pretty cool. I compare it to what might happen if you got split into What You Got From Your Dad and What You Got From Your Mom

41. this is just my theory, but we find out, I think, that Steven’s general strength in everyday movement comes from diamond strength and that he turns weaker than a baby without it, which makes sense because he’s always had it

42. White Diamond attempts to grey-ify Pink

43. we find out, as Pink Steven so eloquently says, that Pink Diamond/Rose Quartz really, really is gone. she died in childbirth essentially. I think he might someday manage to access her full memories but I don’t think that persona is ever returning

44. we see what Steven’s bubbles/shield would look like in full diamond form

45. the badass scene of Connie CARRYING STEVEN TO HIMSELF?

46. we discover that either Steven is the most special boy ever, or White’s powers are no match for love or some shit

47. we get to see Steven...  fuse with himself?

48. everyone gets un-greyified. Including White Pearl. the white-pearl-is-old-pink-pearl theory is confirmed, though I think it may have been in a flashback in “Familiar” and hinted at during Steven’s flashback at the start of the episode when Blue said “she’ll take away your pearl”

49. we see Steven/Pink’s full empathy powers in play, I think? that’s what happened when he pink-ified the whole group? INCLUDING WHITE?

50. Steven gives White Diamond one of his lightning-round therapy sessions, and she decides to Be Nice Now, Actually

51. that’s right. THERE ARE NO VILLAINS I’M GONNA LOSE MY MIND

52. the ENTIRE GROUP GOES TO EARTH

53. meaning that White leaves Homeworld (and “her own head”) for the first time in eons, according to the other Diamonds anyway

54. we get to see Sadie and the Cool Kids’ new looks. minor I know, but Jenny looks great in a suit!

55. also minor but cool: they’re covering “Let Me Drive My Van Into Your Heart”

56. for the second time in like 2 weeks, Diamond Ships interrupt a townwide Beach City gathering

57. we find out that Beach City is full of fucking idiots who thought that the ship was like, a grand finale to the concert? instead of full-on panicking mayhaps? cause every time this shit happens it usually leads to mayhem?

58. the Off-Colors, coincidentally, finally arrive on Earth at the exact same time

59. Lars meets Lion for the first time as Pink Zombie Brothers

60. Lars and Sadie reunion, in which we also find out that Sadie is like a legendary figure for the Off Colors

61. THE OFF COLORS MEET THE FUCKING DIAMONDS

62. Greg and Steven reunite

63. The Diamonds meet and finally heal the Centipeedles

64. The Diamonds visit Rose’s fountain and get it working as a four-diamond extravaganza event

65. every gem from the temple is brought there to be healed. we see the healing of, I assume, p much every monster we’ve met

66. we get to see the Heaven and Earth Beetle, who are pebbles too, and lesbians!

67. callback to the memories of the four Diamonds having swimming pool time

68. Jasper gets healed and naturally tries to destroy Steven immediately, then looks up to see all three of her diamonds. She and Amethyst get to bond, I guess.

69. Callback to the intro itself with the “We Are the Crystal Gems” song and all the new Crystal Gems chilling on the beach

70. New song, “Change Your Mind” and it’s cute obviously

My feelings on the episode? So besides what I wrote above the list, re: whiplash, I think that from a realistic standpoint and a writing-fantasy standpoint, it is some wild shit. For all three diamonds to achieve a FULL redemption arc in one episode? Too much. For there to be NO villains? Come on. And for the lesson to be, we should just give heartless dictators love and they’ll grow hearts? Worrying.

However, as I reached the end of the episode, I thought about a time in high school when my teacher asked me which superpower I’d want, and then annoyed the class by seeming morally superior by saying he’d want to speak every language. Thinking on it later, I thought- I’d want more than every language. I’d want the ability to TRULY understand others, and to make them TRULY understand me- and each other. Because yes, OF COURSE every conflict can be boiled down to a lack of understanding, a lack of empathy. If we had superhuman empathy on our side, we really could do away with violence. But in the real world, we don’t have superhuman empathy, we just have regular empathy, and some don’t even try to use that. So saying “have a little empathy for your oppressors” is ghoulish.

But Steven DOES have superhuman empathy. In fact, all the Diamonds do. Blue can make others cry, White can make others be identical to her, and Yellow can give others fear and command. And they use it only for evil. But Pink can make others understand. And she had only used it for frivolous things until she finally combined with a non-gem life form. Then, human empathy met superhuman empathy, and did what it had to do. THAT is how Steven defeated the Diamond Reign of Terror.

That being said: I don’t know if the target audience of kids really caught that nuance, considering that the episode went so fucking fast. Additionally: some of that superhuman empathy could’ve been pointed at the legions of crushed, oppressed little gems- which I know it was- but the focus was SO intensely on, like, “poor Yellow never got enough credit for being SO good at imperialism!”

So yeah. Both writing-wise, pacing-wise, plot-wise, message-wise... I did love it, as I do the whole show, but I also thought it could’ve benefited from some space, some criticism, and some better organization down at Cartoon Network’s scheduling department.

Art-wise, well I’m not an animation expert, but Obsidian can get it <3 and I loved the designs for everything.

Character-wise... I’ll have to think on it more.

OK THE END I’M DONE REACTING TO STEVEN UNIVERSE. SHOW’S OVER

[anothergirlrecovering]

Lynn 102

I didn't do the voice dictation after session because I went straight to the dietician, so this will probably be the most condensed post therapy blog ive written. I sat outside and recognized the woman walking in. She is totally Lynns client and I panicked about who she doublebooked. When lynn opened the door she had a confused look on her face, and the girl had straight up taken the card lynn gave her and was like you wrote it right here. Lynn was like I must have written it by mistake because I have her for 11 and you for 12 and shes driving all the way from out of town. Lynn asked her to go run an errand or something and she was like well I don't have any but ill figure it out. lol it was all very dramatic but it was fine. Lynn invited me in and I almst made a joke about hippa since she said where I lived, but Lynn said something about how she felt bad but it will be fine. I said it happens and its happened to me. Lynn said it was her own fault but she will smoothe things over next session. Lynn sat down and asked me how I'm doing and I said I was ok. I asked her which shows she had seen and she said just my fair lady and she asked what I saw. I said the prom and  mean girls and I said I actually loved the prom. She was like oh really that's good and I said eah and she was like maybe its just a generational thing where us old people don't like it. I was like idk I realized I think I just love modern musicals and I said how I saw what she meant about mean grls being kind of mediocre.  I said that I saw her daughters friend gabi and she was like oh really? and I said she hadn't performed but I saw her leaving the theater and knew it was her because she was the only bio that said pace. She was like that makes sense and I said gabi actually opened as the lead last night and she was like wait really? I wonder if anna knows that and I was like um I'm not sure and she was like I'm sure she does they all tell each other everything. I said they all put it on Instagram and I was following the current lead and she posted about it so probablt. She was like did I tell you her friend isn't doing dear evan Hansen anymore? I was like no why and she said there was an issue with the contract where it wasn't guaranteed for new York after Toronto or something and maybe she misunderstood the original contract or something  but even her agent said not to take it. I was like dang wow that's crazy.  I pretty much gave her a recap of New York and she was pretty perplexed by the fight my dad and I had. She pointed out how well I had handled the issues with my mom. I explained that its easier to almost turn it into more of a can you fucking believe she did that instead of taking it so personally because honestly that's just so shitty and lynn couldn't get over it where she was like wait so she asked the foster kid but not you and I was like yeah can you imagine if your daughters were home visiting and you were like hey neighborhood kid want to have a mommy daughter date? Lynn said definitely not. Lynn asked me about the emetophobia article and I said that my only thought was just htat it seemed like they targeted very specific vomit memories that she had and we hadn't done that and it was one of those memories where lynn just sort of went on her own tangent about how my memories had come up in the processing and basically she thinks its my ocd that's an issue, not my phobia. We sort of went back and forth about it and she di the whole youre a therapist what do you think and I as usual I said I wouldn't want ot be my therapist and she said well you cant but hwat would you say to a client blablabla. She asked about the dietician and I said I was seeing her next. She said that was good and I said I gained three pounds over Christmas so its fine and she said well I think this is a good thing to have stablished to help prevent any sort of relapse and then she paused and was like is that the right language? relapse? lol I was like god lynn you sound like a substitute teacher winging it and she laughed and was like well am I right? I was like yes that's the correct term. She made a comment about a book she read and how the issue of letting go of worrying about her brother was there because it kept her connected to him. I realized and admitted that I think part of what makes ti hard for me to let go of my childhood is that it feels like it would be saying that my childhood was fine and my parents were right and I was just being dramatic and making it up.  Anyway whatever the case it was fine.