cantankeroussass
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24 | Ace | Aro Agender They/Them Fandoms: MCU, Star Trek, Cabin Pressure, ...others? Also, I play Spyro like I'm drunk.
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cantankeroussass · 6 years ago
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me when the uber driver makes the wrong turn
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cantankeroussass · 6 years ago
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hideo kojima being openly horny on main about mads is a whole ass mood
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cantankeroussass · 6 years ago
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I ASPIRE FOR…. PAST! RECOVERY GIRL + GRAN TORINO FRIENDSHIP ! [or ship… ??? Eh whatever floats your boat ;)]
  Prompted after all of @thegreatrhapsode’s story snippets + me being surrounded by grumpy (but well-meaning) doctors lmao
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cantankeroussass · 6 years ago
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cantankeroussass · 6 years ago
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cantankeroussass · 6 years ago
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While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a clapping, As of ass cheeks gently clapping, clapping at my chamber door.
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cantankeroussass · 6 years ago
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the most casual fuckin picture in the world
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cantankeroussass · 6 years ago
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a brief history of star trek
1966 - deforestation
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2009 - urbanisation 
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cantankeroussass · 6 years ago
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Cleric Week: Homebrew Domains
Dream Domain
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image credit: Brom
A strange cleric that worships the sleeping world of dreams and obscure deities. The dream domain cleric learns to travel inside of the dreamscape, a series of demiplanes that exist somewhere between the astral, material, and shadow planes; one such demiplane for every sleeping creature. As masters of dreams, they can learn your most secret thoughts, memories, and fears, as well as receive visions of the future from their own dreams. I recommend using Scrying, Augury, and other divination spells while asleep to simulate this; clerics already have a wide access to divination magic. Sehanine Moonbow is an elven deity specifically of dreams, but you could also make arguments for deities of illusion, magic, or shadows.
Domain Spells: 
1: Sleep, Charm Person
3: Augury, Calm Emotions
5: Hypnotic Pattern, Fear
7: Phantasmal Killer, Hallucinatory Terrain
9: Dream, Scrying
Domain Abilities:
Dream Splendor- Beginning at 1st level, you have immunity to the frightened condition.
Channel Divinity: Dream Delve- Beginning at 2nd level, you can travel into the realm of dreams. You target a sleeping, sentient creature up to 60 ft. away. The creature must succeed at a WIS saving throw against your spell save DC to resist the effect. If the creature fails, you astrally project your spirit into the target’s dreamscape. The dreamscape’s appearance is at the will of the DM, and could be an abstract, surreal, or realistic scene. Traversing the dreamscape gives you insight into the target’s thoughts and memories as you will it, but closely guarded secrets require either a CHA check of 18 to uncover or you must overcome an encounter in the dream, at the DM’s discretion. For instance, the information of a vault’s combination might be guarded by actual guardians in the dreamscape, or by a convoluted puzzle or trap. You may also use the dreamscape to send a message to the creature which they will receive as soon as they awaken, although they are aware it was not from their own thoughts. If you or an ally is reduced to 0 HP in the dreamscape, their spirit returns to their resting body and they gain 1 level of exhaustion.
Dream Caravan- Beginning at 6th level, you can bring others into the realm of dreams with you when you use your Dream Delve ability, up to 9 other creatures. While inside of a dreamscape, you can travel to the dreamscapes of nearby sleeping creatures up to five miles away with each jump. In addition, you can plant a Suggestion (as the spell) in the target’s mind which they receive once they awaken.
Nightmarish Resolve- Beginning at 8th level, you add your WIS modifier to the damage of your damaging cantrips. While in a dreamscape, you instead add 1d8 to one attack on each of your turns. This bonus damage is radiant damage.
Channel Divinity: Nightmare- At level 17, you can use your Channel Divinity to manifest a creature’s greatest fear as an illusion as long as you maintain concentration, up to 1 minute. The creature can attempt to disbelieve it only when interacting with it and after succeeding at a INT saving throw against your spell save DC. While inside of a dreamscape, this ability targets the dreamer. The illusion has physical form inside the dreamscape and gains the frightful presence ability identical to that of a dragon, frightening all creatures near it within the dreamscape. The targeted creature takes 4d10 psychic damage each round.
Metal Domain
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image credit: Kev Walker
The metal domain cleric is one who worships metal and metal-based artifice. They believe that metal and its nigh-immutability is perfection, and perfect their own form through it. They can telekinetically move metal, repel metal, or rust metal with a touch as metal bows to them. Some of the domain spells I used affect mainly stone, so I recommend altering the spells slightly so they mostly affect metal. You can find my suggestions below. There are a number of 3.5e deities with metal in their portfolio or domain, but earth or dwarven deities would also fit the bill, as would Dispater of the Nine Hells.
Domain Spells:
1: Grease, Earth Tremor
3: Heat Metal, Cloud of Daggers
5: Conjure Barrage, Erupting Earth
7: Stone Shape (shapes iron instead), Fabricate
9: Wall of Stone (manifests as iron), Animate Objects (metal only)
Domain Abilities:
Magnetic Grasp- Beginning at 1st level, you can telekinetically control unattended metal objects that weigh up to 10 pounds at a range of up to 60 ft. You must be able to see your target and maintain concentration.
Channel Divinity: Rusting Grasp- Beginning at 2nd level, you can use your Channel Divinity to rapidly decay metal with your touch. A 3 ft. radius area of nonmagical metal turns into a dusty pile of oxidation. Against a metallic creature (even magically animated) this deals 6d10 damage. When used against an enemy, an enemy’s weapon or their armor, you must succeed at a melee spell attack to target it. A weapon or armor rusted by your Rusting Grasp becomes useless.
Channel Divinity: Repel Metal- Beginning at 6th level, you can use your Channel Divinity to magnetically repel metal. You gain resistance to damage from weapons made from steel or iron for 1 minute.
Metallic Enhancement- Beginning at 8th level, you start to alter your physical form with divine metal, making you a more deadly combatant. Once on each of your turns when you hit a creature with a weapon attack, you cause the attack to deal an additional 1d8 damage of the weapon’s type. When you reach 14th level, this damage increase to 2d8.
Graft- Beginning at level 17, you can permanently enhance a creature’s armor class by 1 with a DC 15 Medicine check as you apply grafts of divine metal to their body over the course of 1 hour. The process is extremely painful and hideous. Creatures must either be helpless, restrained, unconscious, willing, or dead to apply such modifications. Such surgery will awaken unconscious or sleeping creatures instantly.
Fey Domain
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image credit: Matthew Stewart
A fey domain cleric is one who worships the fey or fey deities, unlike a warlock who makes a pact with them or a druid who is an ally to them. The fey grant their clerics with power over nature and abilities similar to those of the faeries. Eventually, a fey cleric is touched by the magic of the Feywild and completely transforms into a fey creature. Valarian from the 3e Book of Exalted Deeds is a good faerie deity, as are any other deities of nature, magic, or illusions.
Domain Spells:
1: Faerie Fire, Animal Friendship
3: Charm Person, Enlarge/Reduce
5: Conjure Animals, Hypnotic Pattern
7: Compulsion, Greater Invisibility
9: Tree Stride, Conjure Fey
Domain Abilities:
Faerie Trickery- Beginning at 1st level, you gain Minor Illusion as a cantrip
Channel Divinity: Speak with Plants and Animals- Beginning at 2nd level, you can use your Channel Divinity as an action to speak with a plant or animal of your choice for up to 10 minutes using your concentration. The target speaks in a language you can understand for the duration.
Fey Guise - Beginning at 8th level, you can perfectly mimic any humanoid’s voice and disguise your face as any humanoid you can see. You gain a +5 bonus to CHA skill checks while attempting to impersonate someone. You must have seen and heard the humanoid before in order to impersonate them in this way. This bonus is temporarily negated if someone close to the person you are mimicking notices you do something uncharacteristic. This ability does not change your clothing or body type, just your face and voice.
Channel Divinity: Blinding Beauty- Beginning at 8th level, you can use your Channel Divinity as an action to take on the blinding allure of a nymph. All enemy creatures within 60 ft. that can see you must make a CHA saving throw. Each creature that fails their saving throw becomes permanently Blinded. Creatures that succeed at their saving throws are only Blinded until the start of your next turn.
Fey Ascendancy- Beginning at level 17, you gain the Fey subtype and have advantage on saving throws against spells and spell-like abilities.
Dragon Domain
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image credit: Raymond Swanland
The dragon domain cleric worships a dragon or draconic deity like Bahamut or Tiamat. They bestow upon their disciple a loyal hatchling to care for and train with them, and will send a dragon champion in times of need to their greatest worshipers. I intended the dragon companion to start as a weakened wyrmling and then grow to a full wyrmling once you reach level 14. It sort of acts as a Divine Strike ability since it’s an additional attack on each of your turns, but if this ability proves too powerful for your campaign I would recommend swapping it out for a pseudodragon or summoning a wyrmling once a day for 1 minute. When selecting energy/damage types for elemental spells, I recommend choosing ones that match your wyrmling dragon. For instance, Chromatic Orb summons an orb of acid if you have a black dragon, etc.
Domain Spells:
1: Absorb Elements, Chromatic Orb
3: Gust of Wind, Warding Wind
5: Elemental Weapon, Protection from Energy
7: Stoneskin (Manifests as dragon scales), Dominate Beast
9: Dominate Person, Destructive Wave
Domain Abilities:
Draconic Companion- Beginning at 1st level, you are granted a hatchling dragon as your companion of the color of your choice. The hatchling has similar statistics to a wyrmling dragon of its color except it has maximum hit points equal to half of your hit point maximum, uses your proficiency modifier in place of its own, has an AC of 14, has a base damage die of 1d8 instead of 1d10, has a base breath weapon damage of 4d6, and is Small in size. In one year’s time or when you reach level 14, it will grow into a wyrmling dragon, still using your proficiency modifier in place of its own, but otherwise its AC, HP, size, and base damage all increase to match that of a wyrmling dragon of its color.
Channel Divinity: Elemental Resilience- Beginning at 2nd level, you can use your Channel Divinity as a reaction or bonus action to gain Immunity to the energy damage type of your Draconic Companion’s breath weapon for a number of rounds equal to your WIS modifier.
Channel Divinity: Dragon Flight- Beginning at 6th level, you can use your Channel Divinity to sprout dragon wings and gain a fly speed of 60 ft. This effect lasts for 1 minute and requires you to maintain concentration.
Will of the Dragons- Beginning at 8th level, you gain immunity to the Paralyzed and Frightened conditions.
Dragon Call- Beginning at level 17, once per week, you can summon an adult dragon of your draconic companion’s color for 1 minute. It obeys your verbal commands to the best of its ability. Maintaining the dragon’s presence requires you to spend an action each round and maintain concentration. If the dragon is slain, it disappears in a cloud of light.
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cantankeroussass · 6 years ago
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Swamp in a boulder
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cantankeroussass · 6 years ago
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Pay no attention to the lack of straight lines of text…
submission by @thewdep
both pic and caption are a constant mood lmao
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cantankeroussass · 6 years ago
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this is the only ship that matters
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cantankeroussass · 6 years ago
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cantankeroussass · 6 years ago
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bucky in fic: steve u asshole u could’ve been killed! what were u thinking? let me bandage u up and get u a nice cup of tea, i love u so much
actual bucky:
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cantankeroussass · 6 years ago
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cantankeroussass · 6 years ago
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True life friend comics ❤️
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cantankeroussass · 6 years ago
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