#sharknade

[introvertguide]

Jaws: The Great Movie with the Not so Great Legacy

Although Jaws (1975) was a fantastic film (I just finished it for the 5th time and I still think it is great), the follow up movies it has inspired over the last 40 years have not been that fantastic. I was terrified at the idea of sharks growing up because I have a somewhat irrational fear of dark water that has turned into a fascination with all the creatures that live in these depths. It’s a strange way of sublimating and I should probably get over my fear, I know, but chances are I will never be put into a deep water situation with sharks and I don’t even enjoy swimming or the ocean so I can watch stupid shark movies if I want! Wow. Sorry. I guess I have some deep issues that I am still working out. While I do that, here are some giant shark movies related to Jaws:

Jaws franchise: There were 3 other movies in the Jaws franchise after the original that focused on the fight between humans and a murderous great white shark. The second movie is truly one of the most boring things I have seen because it is like the same movie again minus the two most interesting characters of Hooper and Quint. Pass on that one. The 3rd one, Jaws 3-D, is set in a water park with Lea Thompson and Lou Gossett, Jr. and is hilariously bad. It has Dennis Quaid as the grown son from the first film and he is awful. The number of poor decisions based on nothing is great and the effects are pretty laughable. I personally would sit down and watch this film any time but I would never recommend it. The fourth movie, Jaws: The Revenge, brings back a lot of the actors and characters from the original movie, but none of the leads. Also, the killer shark in this film is somehow related to the sharks from the first two films and now targeting the Brody family for revenge. Pretty sure sharks don’t do that nor could they if they wanted to. Dumbest premise of all the Jaws movies and basically an insult to the first one. Pass for sure. 

Animated ocean movies: These movies are the least similar to Jaws, but the sharks in movies like Finding Nemo and A Shark’s Tale are based on the great white shark attack style featured in Jaws. In fact, the great white in Finding Nemo is named Bruce in honor of the name given to the mechanical shark in Jaws. Finding Nemo has little to do with sharks and is an all around great movie while A Shark’s Tale is a ripoff and boring. Watch Nemo and skip the other. 

Big budget ripoff movies: There were a lot of summer blockbuster shark movies in the last 40 years that attempted to capture the audience of Jaws, but none of the movies come even close in quality so they can only be judged by how entertainingly bad they were. The scariest is likely Open Water which is the story of a couple that gets left behind by accident during a group dive. An hour and a half of solitary ocean anxiety is way too much for me. HSPs stay far away from this one. On the funny side, some of the most ridiculous movies have been more recent since CG is always improving. 47 Meters Down and Meg fall in this category, although I can’t speak to them since I haven’t seen either (and I don’t plan to). My favorite in this category is the hilarious Deep Blue Sea which features both Samuel L. Jackson and LL Cool J. I don't want to give away the whole movie, but a character is immediately killed by a shark every single time that the group makes progress in escaping an underwater lab. So beautiful. I made my parents watch it and we laughed the whole time. Must see. 

Sharknado...: I am not sure how this happened, but this series of low budget movies with D-list actors has become quite popular. There are currently five of these monstrosities and apparently a sixth and final one coming next year. All of them are absolutely terrible and meant to be made fun of. The movies are all self aware of how bad they are and the cast and crew are laughing all the way to the bank. Everyone is acting ironically and it is kind of funny for about 15 minutes but not for six movies. I would pass on the series unless you want something bad to watch with drunk friends (which I never do so total pass for me). 

Shark hybrids: A company called The Asylum is known for pushing out horrible rip-offs called “mockbusters.” These films are made in the span of a couple of weeks and given titles similar to big box office movies and released to video/streaming services about a week before the film it is copying. This is an unethical way to trick people into accidentally purchasing or renting the wrong movie. The small amount of money made by accidental viewers pays the microbudget of the movie so the company keeps pumping them out. The public got wise to this scheme and became more careful about their purchases, so The Asylum started creating bad original content in the form of monster movies. This company is behind Sharknado, but there was about a decade when they were trying to cross sharks with other things to make a quick buck. Notables are Dinoshark, Mega Shark vs. Mecha Shark, and the great Sharktopus. My favorite by a long shot is Sharktopus because it features a CG shark with octopus legs that walks around beaches and chomps people. Hilarious.  

What I am getting at is that Jaws was truly a great film with great suspense, superb direction, and phenomenal acting. Although some movies that have followed have been cute or funny, nothing has come close to the experience that was Jaws. I am highly introverted and don’t seem to really enjoy groups when screening a movie, especially a movie I want to pay attention to, so these rip-offs offer very little to me. I can see extroverts enjoying some of these bad shark movies as a background for a social gathering and even the basis of a drinking game if that is what you are into. However, if you want to see a shark movie that is legitimately great and worth your full attention, then watch Jaws and except no substitutes.

[dungeonhavoc]

D4 Water Elemental Skins

It can get boring sending the same ol’ liquid monster at the PCs. Liven up the party by rolling on the table for your reskinned H2O monster.

1) Sewage Elemental: This creature is often found in city sewers or wherever filth accumulates. This water elemental spreads Sewer Plague (DMG p.258).

2) Gatorade Elemental: Much superior to water, once killed you can drink up the resulting liquid during a rest. If consumed during a short rest, heal an additional 1d4 hp for each hit die spent.

3) Sharknade Elemental: This is just a regular water elemental, but it has either a swarm of quipped or a reef shark in it! The fish can use a reaction to attack any creature that hits or is hit by the water elemental.

4) Lube Elemental: This elemental originates from a plane that no one talks about in polite conversation. Any space that this elemental travels through is effected as the Grease spell DC 15 for 24 hours.

[blackindiaink]

Potatoes gonna potate

Sharknadoes gonna sharknade

[ctking42]

Guy over at r/pareidolia thought this resembled Sharknade (???); I see the Windfish via /r/zelda http://ift.tt/2rSlTqn

[fulvius]

Acredite ou não, Sharknado 5 foi anunciado. Sim, haverá mais um filme em que os tubarões são um desastre natural no planeta Terra Os atores Ian Ziering e Tara Reid retornam em Sharknado 5 como Fin Shepard e April Wexler, respectivamente. Cassie Scerbo também vai voltar no seu papel de barman que se torna um grande lutador contra o Sharknado chamado de Nova. Sharknado 5 continua a partir dos eventos de seu antecessor, que deixou a América do Norte em ruínas. O filme vai trazer um temido sharknad

via: http://eexponews.com/sharknado-5-e-anunciado-oficialmente_6614545485791232

[distelmagic]

SHARKNADO - THE BEST MOVIE EVER!

Or: Sometimes even IMDB users make a funny!