#shan you in danger girl

[lurkingshan]

“Isn’t it tiring to love him?”

“It is. It’s so tiring to like someone you shouldn’t like.”

[m1ckeyb3rry]

── THE GLASS PRINCESS // THIRTEEN

Series Synopsis: You wake up in a strange room with no memories, broken glass at your bedside, and a prince named Zuko as your only chance at figuring out who you really are.

Chapter Synopsis: Things in Ba Sing Se come to a head, taking a violent turn you are unprepared for.

Series Masterlist

Pairing: Zuko x Reader

Chapter Word Count: 5.4k

Content Warnings: complicated relationships (strangers to friends to lovers to enemies to strangers to lovers to enemies to lovers), amnesia, alternate universe, lots of secrets and lying and mystery

A/N: as seen in the chapter summary this is chapter leans on the more violent side #sorry BUT just wanted to say i love you all thanks for reading and sorry i’m so mean to your character

“Quynh,” you sniffed, holding onto one of her claws. “Quynh, they want to kill Kuei.”

She growled, low and deep, which only made you cry harder. Only when she noticed that did she stop, though her breaths still came quick and short as she rubbed her cheek against your body in a vain attempt to comfort you.

“Who?” she said.

“I don’t know,” you said. “They haven’t done anything yet, but I heard them. I heard them!”

“Tell me what they said, my dear,” she said. “As best as you can, so that there is no chance of misunderstanding.”

“They said that if I turn out to be an Earthbender, they will get rid of Kuei so that I can take the throne,” you said. “They want a powerful ruler, and they don’t — they don’t think that he can be that. But I don’t want to be queen! I just want to play with Kuei!”

“That’s contingent on you being an Earthbender, though,” she said. “You haven’t shown any signs of bending yet, have you?”

You hiccuped. “Yes. Today. I was on my way to show Kuei when I overheard the conversation. But no one can know. Pinky promise not to tell anyone, Quynh! I don’t want Kuei to be in danger.”

“I won’t tell anyone,” she soothed you. “But you are a bender of Shan’s line. If you do not learn to control your power, you will destroy this palace.”

“Huh?” you said.

“Bending without control is based solely on a wild instinct. If you do not train in some way, shape, or form, then your every emotion will be like a stone on the surface of a pond. For the everyday individual, this isn’t anything devastating, but you are the princess of the Earth Kingdom. Your bloodline begets only the strongest of Earthbenders, and so the consequences of your bending running amok are that much greater,” she said.

“But if anyone catches me, then Kuei — Kuei — I don’t want Kuei to die!” you said, bursting into tears again. 

“He won’t,” Quynh said. “Listen to me, Y/N. If you cannot train properly, if you cannot learn the Earthbending forms and movements that are specifically designed to calm the mind and focus the art, then we must come up with a suitable replacement.”

“What can replace a teacher?” you said.

“I will be your teacher,” Quynh said. “And the crystals around us will be your element. Crystals are a step removed from stones, and so they are difficult for the more traditional benders to master, but you are skipping over to them entirely by virtue of your situation.”

“Will that be enough to ensure that I am not caught?” you said.

“I think so,” Quynh said. “Once you are bored of crystals, we will move on to glass. You see, dear girl, there is a truth that is oft-ignored in this new era of bending: it is no harder to move a mountain than it is to emboss a window. Perhaps one is more ostentatious — who ever takes the time to be impressed by the minute details of a piece? — but both are of the same difficulty. The explosion and the implosion are equally as destructive, are they not? If you cannot practice with the mountains that are your birthright, then you must turn to the other extreme. You must endeavor to bend with an exact perfection; allow no blemishes, so that your mind does not turn on itself in its solitude.”

“Princess Y/N,” a slippery, cool voice said as you rounded the corner towards where the tea shop was located. “It was surprising enough to see you hanging around the Avatar and his friends, but to find a girl of your birth and stature in the Lower Ring instead of in the palace is definitely unexpected.”

You froze. It was a voice you did not recognize, but if they knew you had been with the Avatar, then there was only one group they could have been from. Your swore as stone gloves warped into cuffs around your wrists, binding them behind your back and dragging you into the custody of a man wearing a familiar uniform.

“Dai Li,” you hissed. “What are you doing here?”

“Between the two of us, I do not think that you are the one who has the right to be asking me that,” the agent said. You ground your teeth as another agent dropped down beside you, grabbing your shoulder roughly.

“Long Feng will be furious,” this new agent said. “You’ve disobeyed his singular order. What an ungrateful girl you are! A princess who was given everything she ever asked for and was only asked to stay in her rooms in return. Yet you could not even do that much.”

The people on the streets were beginning to stop and stare, whispering to one another at your state. It wasn’t every day that Dai Li agents made their presences obvious — there was an unspoken awareness that they were always there, creeping about in the corners of the collective consciousness, but it was rare for them to become forefront. Even in the crime-riddled Lower Ring, it was the militia-men who enforced the common laws. The Dai Li only appeared for the gravest infractions, and for you to be led away in stone cuffs like this was a scandal of unprecedented magnitude.

“There are more important things for Long Feng to be furious about,” you said as you were pulled through the streets by the Dai Li agents.

“Nothing is more important than you, your royal highness,” the first agent said sweetly, mockingly. “The safety of the Earth King’s heir is paramount to the kingdom’s security.”

As you passed the tea shop, the door slammed open, and the Dai Li agents paused as Lee sprinted out, his face like a thundercloud, his shoulders tense and expression in a scowl darker than any you had ever seen him wear.

“What’s going on here?” he said, crossing his arms and staring down the Dai Li with none of the fear and respect that they rightfully commanded. The way he stood was if he were the one that they should be afraid of, though it was a ridiculous notion — what could a simple tea shop worker do to the famed members of Ba Sing Se’s secret police?

“Out of the way, boy,” the second agent said.

“Where are you taking Y/N?” Lee insisted. “I won’t move until you tell me.”

“Y/N? You’re on a first-name basis with her royal highness?” the first agent said. “How impetuous! It’s laughable, really, for you to think that this girl cares about you.”

It was meant to be nothing more than humiliation. By exposing your identity, the Dai Li were ensuring that you could never again return to the Lower Ring, not if you valued your life or at least your dignity. The people who lived here hated you, after all, hated everything you stood for. The spoiled princess who cared little for their suffering…now that they knew the truth, they would never accept you again.

The whispers grew louder. Her royal highness? Y/N, as in Princess Y/N? The Earth King’s sister? What is she doing here? How dare she show her face after everything? How dare she pretend to be one of us?

“Get out of here!” a man shouted. The declaration was like the breaking of a dam, as the people’s voices rose higher and higher. The Dai Li stood beside you grimly, doing nothing to shield you from the insults thrown your way.

“Is this how you royals entertain yourselves?” a woman said. “Is this what we are paying our taxes for? So that you can live our lives for fun and then go back to the luxury of your palace?”

“Give us our money back, thief!”

“Do we look like tourists, huh? Why’d we have to pay to enter the city?”

“Why are we second to a bear? Why does the Earth King care more about his pet than his people?”

“Selfish witch! You’re no princess. You’d abandon the kingdom if it meant you could live a life of luxury! You ought to be sent to the front lines, let’s see how you like it there!”

“Down with the tyrant! Down with the traitor!”

It was exactly the kind of uprising that the Dai Li had been employed to quell, but they stood there and watched, faces impassive as people came closer and closer, pressing in on you, screaming things that you could not cover your ears from, not when you were still restrained.

“Ain’t she the princess they said was made of glass? I wonder if she’ll break like it, too!”

You weren’t sure who hurled the first brick, but it was only thanks to Lee’s quick reaction that it did not hit you in the head. He yanked you out of the way, but the missed opportunity only incensed the people further.

“You have to get out of here,” you said to Lee. “This is the culmination of years’ worth of anger. I am the target for their rage, but if you’re near me, then you will be caught in the crossfire. Take Mushi and go somewhere far away until this has blown over!”

“Will I see you again?” he said. A window shattered, glass raining down around you as people began to fight one another, too. They were just furious now. They just wanted someone to hate, and whether it was their neighbor or their princess mattered little to them. As long as they could inflict the hurt they felt onto another person.

“I don’t know,” you confessed. “I don’t know anything anymore, if ever I did. But I want to, Lee. I want to see you again, and so I believe that I will.”

“Death to the Glass Princess! Death to the Glass Princess! Death to the Glass Princess!”

“You have to go now!” you said. A nearby produce stand was turned on its side, tomatoes rolling out and bursting as people stomped on them in their haste to destroy something, anything, everything.

Out of nowhere, Dai Li agents manifested, using their Earthbending to trap the citizens in constructs of stone, the riot stopping as abruptly as it had started. You used your shoulder to shove Lee away from you, shaking your head at him when he tried to protest before turning away, knowing that he would not leave unless you dismissed him in a way so inarguable that it left him with no choice.

In such a short time, the road had been utterly destroyed. The storefronts had been torn apart, glass and stray stones and smashed goods everywhere. The street itself ran red with tomato juice and pulp and blood, and the people who were encased in rock by the Dai Li were bruised and worn from the effort of the riot.

“Where are you taking them?” you said as the Dai Li moved with brutal efficiency, restraining everyone in the crowd before releasing them from their temporary prisons.”

“They’re all due for a visit to Lake Laogai,” the Dai Li agent standing at your left shoulder said.

“This is why you were forbidden from leaving the palace,” the other Dai Li agent said.. “Do you understand now?”

“I understand,” you said, though what you understood and what he was saying were at odds with one another. It was the kind of conclusion you were only equipped to draw now that you had left the palace and seen the reality of Ba Sing Se, of the impenetrable city whose walls contained any explosions and turned them inward.

As you were marched down the street towards the palace, you could not help yourself from craning your neck for one final glimpse of the ruined street where you had spent so much of your time. Your happiest days had been on these very cobblestones, in and out of these very shops.

Those days would never come back. They were gone now, destroyed as surely as the setting in which they had taken place.

You caught the eye of the man who had started it all, who had shouted at you to leave the Lower Ring. He had been forced to his knees and held there by stone restraints, and a Dai Li agent stood above him with a severe expression on his face.

When the man noticed you looking at him, his eyebrows drew together, his irises shining with fear and desperation. He mouthed something at you, or perhaps he said it aloud and you were too far to hear it, but either way you comprehended the message.

Please.

Your eyes widened, but you were shoved around a corner before you could react. And then there was a scream, followed by a horrible cracking sound, followed by an eerie, disconcerting silence.

Upon arriving in the palace, you were brought to the throne room. The throne itself was noticeably empty, but Long Feng was standing in front of it on its dais, his sly face adorned with a mournful frown. It only deepened when he saw you, and he sighed as the Dai Li agents paused before him, bowed, and then left, leaving the two of you alone.

“Princess Y/N,” Long Feng said, trying to adopt the same fatherly tone he always took on around you. “I cannot begin to describe how disappointed in you I am.”

“Then don’t,” you said. “And tell the Dai Li to free me of these restraints. What would my brother say if he saw me like this?”

“Why, certainly, he’d agree with me, if not my methods,” Long Feng said. “You’ve nearly died so many times in the city that it’s clear I was right. You never should’ve left.”

He might as well have dumped a bucket of ice over your head. So many times. How had he known about any other instance? How had he known that assassins had come for you, and more than once?

“What will happen to the people of the Lower Ring?” you said. “What will you do to them?”

“Do not fret,” he said. “The instigators were publicly executed, as a reminder to the others of the power of the Dai Li. As for the rest, well, the only ones hurt by their little demonstration were themselves. That’s an even better punishment than anything I could come up with.”

“Executed?” you said.

“As long as you stay out of it, Ba Sing Se will remain safe,” Long Feng said. “Now that the dissenters are gone, the public sentiment will return to its usual.”

“But I don’t want it to return to its usual! The people of Ba Sing Se hate Kuei and I, and for good reason,” you said. “They are struggling, and instead of helping them, we are making things worse. Surely you know this, so why have you not yet advised my brother to stop what he is doing and enact policies that will benefit our kingdom?”

Long Feng scoffed. “You know nothing of ruling a kingdom; in fact, you know even less than your brother. If you and he would leave the running of Ba Sing Se to the more qualified, then things would not be so dire.”

“There’s a war,” you said. Long Feng paled, and for a moment, his well-schooled expression dropped into a sneer. It was brief, but you were quicker than he. You saw it, and the beginnings of a theory formed in the back of your mind.

“Who has fed you such vicious lies?” he said. “There is no war.”

“The Avatar,” you said. “I’m sure your men told you that I was with him. If I am lying, then he must be, as well. Do you still deny it?”

“The Avatar is a young boy,” Long Feng said. “Young boys are prone to exaggeration and boasting. In a world that has survived for so long without him, don’t you think he would do anything to gain some legitimacy? Fabricating a conflict isn’t beyond that scope. Of course, occasional skirmishes are a natural consequence of the size of the kingdom, but an actual war is unthinkable. The world is at peace.”

“And the refugees are tourists,” you noted. “Isn’t that right?”

“You’re confused,” he said. “The overload of information that you were faced with in Ba Sing Se has muddled your poor mind, so that you are susceptible to the mind tricks of outside actors like the Avatar.”

“That’s not true!” you said. “I know what I saw. Why are you denying it so vehemently?”

Speaking to Long Feng always reduced you to childhood. With him, you were once again nothing but a little girl throwing a tantrum. It did not help that he was perpetually looking down his nose at you, like you were lucky to have gained his attention at all, like he was doing you a favor by acknowledging you in the first place. You despised it, despised how small he made you feel, despised how powerless you became whenever he rebuked you.

“I’m afraid I must ban you from your brother’s chambers for the time being,” Long Feng said. “I cannot have you contaminating his clear-headed judgment with your hysterics.”

“You’re confining me to just my room?” you said. If that was the only punishment you received, then it’d be a blessing, but of course you could not reveal that to Long Feng, who would then come up with something even worse to thoroughly chastise you.

“Maybe,” he said. “Or maybe not. How did you escape?”

“Why would I tell you that?” you said.

“If you ever want to see Kuei again, you will,” he said, his smirk growing cruel as you gasped despite yourself. “You two are all-too-similar. Perhaps you think that because you have found a way out of the palace, you are invulnerable, but I can promise you one thing, your highness: if you do not cooperate, I will forbid you from your brother for good.”

You clenched your fists by your sides. “The window.”

“The window!” Long Feng said incredulously. “Do you expect me to believe that? You live on one of the highest floors of the palace. Even for an Earthbender, that route would be suicide, but you are not so much as that. You are worsening your own case by lying.”

Closing your eyes, you bowed at Long Feng, though as a princess you were required to bow to no one but your brother. He did not stop you, though. He never stopped you.

“You’re right,” you said. “I was lying. I apologize. The truth — the truth is a little more incredible, and I had doubted you’d be convinced by it, but that is out of my control. The only thing I can do is speak it and hope you have faith in me as your princess to stand as a bastion of integrity and truth, even when I tell tales that are all but outlandish in nature.”

“Get on with it,” he said. You took a deep breath to calm your racing heart, whose pulse beat like a drum in your chest, behind your eyebrows, around your ears.

“I disguised myself as a servant,” you said. “Once I was dressed like that, no one paid any attention to me. Making my way to the kitchens, I snuck out of their door, and from there, I ran into the city.”

“No one noticed the truth of your identity?” Long Feng said.

“It’s amazing,” you said. “The kind of things that you pay no attention to when you think of someone as lesser. When I looked like a servant, I was treated as one. For better and for worse.”

You waited with bated breath, hoping beyond hope, praying to Quynh, to Agni, to Tui and La and every other spirit that he would believe you.

“It seems I underestimated you, your royal highness,” Long Feng said. “Chhay!”

From behind the dais, a man appeared. He wore the same uniform as the rest of the Dai Li, though the collar of his undershirt was gold instead of green, a signifier of his elevated status. You knew without being told who he was: Captain Chhay, the legendary captain of the Dai Li and Long Feng’s second in command. The stories told about him were numerous; he was the closest to a national hero that the Earth Kingdom had, as well as the main reason that the Dai Li were so loyal to Long Feng.

“To ensure that you never have the cause to don a servant’s garb again, I will assign Chhay to be your guard,” Long Feng said. “He will stay with you at all times and watch over your every move. In that way, we can be certain that you are where you are supposed to be at any given moment.”

“Don’t worry, your royal highness,” Captain Chhay said. Fear spiked in you, because the voice was not unfamiliar to you, and you suppressed a shudder, doing your best to remain neutral. “I’m sure we will get along.”

“Yes,” you said, fighting to keep your own voice steady. “I’m sure we will.”

Captain Chhay emanated an aura of cocky, self-assured smugness. He knew that he was powerful; maybe he even knew you feared him. Either way, he had to understand that between the two of you, he was the stronger, and so he walked with a swagger to his step as he escorted you to your room.

“Captain Chhay,” you said, holding onto your skirts, wishing you had someone there to protect you. The Blue Spirit…Lee…you would’ve even taken Sokka, at this point, though you doubted he would’ve done very much besides maybe demand the captain do a cartwheel. But you were alone, without even the Water Tribe cartwheel-fanatic as an ally, and so you had to figure out how to do this on your own. “How long have you been in the Dai Li?”

“I didn’t take you as a student of history,” he said.

“It’s one of my hobbies,” you said, wiping your palms against your bodice. “I’m sorry. I’m really nervous.”

“Nervous? Why?” he said, though a smile tugged at the corner of his lips. “Not because of me, I should hope.”

“It’s — it’s just that you are so famous,” you said.

“And you are a princess,” he said. “I am but your humble servant. As for your question, I joined the Dai Li shortly before your brother’s coronation.”

The next question was the most delicate, and you could almost persuade yourself to not ask it at all. After all, did you really want to confirm this? Was it worth it, or did you ought to leave well enough alone?

No. If you were right, then you were the only hope left for Ba Sing Se. For your subjects, who were crumbling under the oppressive injustice they faced daily to the point that they had almost killed you in an attempt to restore some semblance of order. If not you, then who would defend them? Who cared for them nearly as much? Who knew them in the way you did?

“When were you promoted to the rank of captain?” you said.

“When Long Feng was appointed your brother’s regent,” he said. “The information is public, so why are you asking me?”

“There’s no better source than the one which lived through the event,” you said. “I am going to take a bath. I trust that you do not need to be at my side for that?”

“I will remain just in front of the door,” Captain Chhay said. “Don’t even think of doing anything funny. I’ll detect it immediately, so it’d just be a waste of time for the both of us.”

Your bathtub was more like a small pool, constructed at Kuei’s behest when you had told him you longed to learn to swim. It was filled with warm water at all times by servants who never introduced themselves to you, and it was deep enough that you could float in it and not touch the bottom if you so desired.

It was only once you had submerged yourself that you let your mind wander. What did you do now? You were just the weak little princess, the girl who could do nothing for anyone, including herself. You could not even go to Quynh for advice, not with Captain Chhay all but atop you constantly. If you exposed that secret, then there was no telling what might happen, to both you and her alike.

You were trapped in a vipers’ enclosure, and the vipers were of such deadly stock that you really had no hope of survival at all. You could only submit to Long Feng’s demands, could only beg Captain Chhay for mercy, so that he was not overly harsh when the time came.

The pool had begun to cool off by the time that you ascended the stairs to leave it, wrapping a towel around you to ward away the chill you had been feeling ever since Long Feng had unknowingly revealed his hand. But that chill was internal, and the towel could do nothing to protect you from it, so after a moment, you set it aside and put on your nightclothes, exiting the bathroom with trepidation.

Captain Chhay was leaning against the wall, his hair let out of its braid and loose around his shoulders, his helm low over his brow, though he was by no means asleep, tilting towards you as you scurried towards your bed like a mouse.

“I will rest now,” you declared, pulling the blankets up around your shoulders and staring at your desk, which was at the other end of the room. It was covered with your glass sculptures, the ones Quynh had been so proud of you for making. A dragon. Twin fish. A badgermole. A flying bison. A bear, constructed so carefully that the fine points of glass covering its surface appeared to be fur, appeared to be genuinely soft to the touch. And uncountable others, each different from the rest, united only by the perfection that you had attempted to attain with every attempt.

Sleep evaded you, though you were not actively trying to seek it out, either, not when Captain Chhay still stood in your doorway, his half-lidded eyes trained on your motionless form.

If you fell asleep, there was no guarantee you’d ever wake up again. You mulled over the events of the day as you tossed and turned, hating how things had changed in such a short span of time but realizing it was necessary. It was in the end not a change that had occurred but a shift in your awareness. These things had been happening for quite some time already.

More than yourself, you worried for your brother. Maybe you could escape, could open the door and run into it and demand Quynh close it before you were pursued, but what would become of Kuei? As long as Captain Chhay was around, it was not safe for him. It was not safe for either of you.

With that in mind, it was obvious what you had to do, but were you capable? Well. You supposed you had to try. For Kuei. For your kingdom. You had to try, or else your people would continue to die, would continue to endure agony and blame your family for it, though you and your brother had never done anything but try to love them.

So you threw the blankets aside and slid off the bed, shoving your feet into a pair of slippers, and you did not pray to the spirits for help. It was your father you called upon — not the 51st Earth King, but your father, the man who in a sense constituted half of your being. It was him you asked for guidance, even though he could never give it to you, even though he had never known you enough to care.

“What are you doing?” Captain Chhay said.

“I had a nightmare,” you said. “Can I talk to you about it? I am still so — so shaken up.”

“I’m not your babysitter,” he said. “Talk to someone else.”

“Aren’t you?” you said. “I have no one else. Please, captain…I am all alone in the palace. In the world, in fact. Won’t you at least listen to me? If it were your own daughter asking, wouldn’t you want for someone to show her that consideration?”

“I don’t have a daughter,” he said gruffly. “My wife died before she could give birth.”

Still, he softened imperceptibly, making his way towards you. You backed up towards your desk, his every step matching your own as you grew closer and closer to where you wanted to be.

Please, Father. 

“It was such an awful dream,” you said.

“What was it about?” he said, finally giving in, taking off his helmet so that you could see his shrewd eyes, which were as gentle as he could make them. It was almost as if he felt sorry for you, as if he were seeing his never-born daughter in your place.

“The day my father died. I saw it in such vivid detail,” you said. Your back hit the desk, and your hands trembled as you reached for one of the statues, slick fingers glossing over their surfaces before finally finding enough purchase to grab onto one of them.

“You weren’t even alive when that happened,” Captain Chhay said. “How can you dream about it?”

“I’ve been told the story so many times that it can sometimes feel as if I were there myself,” you said. “Besides, it was a dream. All sorts of impossible things happen in those.”

“That is true,” he said. “Was that all? It happened many years ago. I’m sure it was frightening, but there’s nothing to be done about it now.”

Please, Father. You disguised the twisting, undulating motions of your hands by pretending to wring them behind your back out of distress.

“Something different happened,” you said. “Something new. You see, this time, I heard the assassin’s voice as he killed my father, and to my surprise, it was one I recognized.”

“Your mind cannot conjure up new sounds, so of course you recognized it,” Captain Chhay said, though the softness was rapidly fading from his eyes, replaced with wariness.

“No,” you said. “That’s not why. I recognized it for a more meaningful reason, I know I did.”

“Whose was it, then? Are we to place a man on trial just because, what, you had a nightmare?” he said.

Please, Father.

“Actually, the trial has already begun,” you said. “And the verdict has already been decided. The voice really does belong to the man who murdered my father all of those years ago, and I know that because it was the same voice which belonged to the man who tried to kill me so many times. Because it was your voice, Captain Chhay!”

I’m sorry, Father. Please, Father. Father.

Before Captain Chhay could react to the accusation, you used your bending to impale his heart with the spike of glass that had once been the bear statue. He collapsed immediately, blood bursting from the site like a fountain, the glittering tip of the makeshift weapon poking out of his back.

“How — did — you — bend?” he choked out, voice gurgling as even more blood welled up in his mouth and spilled past his lips, forming a puddle by his cheek.

“Long Feng isn’t the only one who’s been keeping secrets,” you said, bending the glass out of his body so that there was no evidence of what you had done. Smashing it against the ground to further the deniability, you bit your tongue to push back the bile rising in your throat. “You were assigned to kill me, weren’t you? Weren’t you? Answer me!”

Captain Chhay’s body convulsed once, and then he was completely still, his eyes glazed over, frozen while looking somewhere distant, forever stuck searching for something he could not find.

You had done that. A choked sob escaped you, your horror at the deed mixing with the relief you felt that he could never hurt you again. He could never take Kuei from you like he had taken your father.

Patting your palms, now stained with crimson, against your white nightgown, you turned towards your dressing room, where the door to Quynh’s Den had just appeared. Walking towards it, you pulled it open and gave the room one final look, taking in the violent scene created by your own hands.

Then you stepped into the passageway and closed the doorway behind you for good.

taglist (comment/send an ask/dm to be added): @rinisfruity14 @c4ttheart @blacky-rose @shizko @marsbars09 @happyplaidpersonfestival @catborglar @camilleverreault @nerdybouquetofkittens-blog @lovialy @heart4hees @stefnarda @ioonatv @vvicaddiction

[googleitlol]

Teeheehee, I've been excited to post this one! Dove is getting the princess treatment she deserves, whether she wants it or not…

I do have a bit of a surprise with this one tho, so we're gonna start with a bit of a flashback ;)

Dove Masterlist:

Camellia

Crickets chirp in a layered symphony, their song a lullaby of the forest they call home. Moonlight dimly scatters over the leaves of tall trees that stretch into the clear night sky. Two pairs of feet thump through a narrow dirt path, a young girl laughing as she races through the night, weaving around flora as a boy calls after her.

The boy shouts her name before his voice drops to a hush whisper. “Someone’s going to hear you! You’ll get the both of us in trouble!”

“Lighten up, Jiejie.” The girl giggles, looking back to her friend without slowing down. “The only one who lives close enough to hear us is Mrs. Shan, and everyone says she can’t hear anything anymore. She’s too old!”

The boy quickens his pace, and the girl slows down enough for him to catch up. “Still, what if there’s something out here?” He looks to and fro as he speaks, scanning for any sign of something lurking in the shadows.

The little girl lets out an overly-dramatic groan. “Now you’re just being ridiculous. We come down here all the time! What, are you afraid a toad is gonna jump at you?” She grins, mischief written on her face as she grabs her friend’s arm.

The boy jumps, shooting her a frown. “No! I’m not afraid of little things.”

“Then, come on!” She lets the boy go, running ahead and calling for him over her shoulder. The boy gives a shout before running after her, but it doesn’t take long for her to outrun him. He’s always been a slow runner.

The little girl sprints ahead, only slowing once she loses sight of her friend. Her pace slows to a stroll, taking her time as she waits for her favourite boy to catch up. She knows she was overexaggerating about his fears, but when she did stuff like that he always had the funniest reactions.

The girl catches sight of something on the side of the path and slows to a stop. A blooming purple flower, one unlike what she’s seen before perks her interest. She crouches down by it, her head tilting with fascination.

She reaches out a hand to inspect the petals when her arm is grabbed. “Careful!” Jie warns, crouching down with her. He lets go once her hand retreats back to her side. “You can’t just touch any pretty plants you see, stupid.”

“Hey, don’t call me stupid!” She pouts.

The boy huffs, clearly annoyed. “That’s what you are, stupid. Especially if you touch that.” He points to the flower, turning his attention to it.

“It’s monkshood, my father says to watch out for it, because every part of it is poisonous! Especially the roots.” The little girl rolls her eyes, recognising the start of one of the boy’s spiels. “He says there’s no cure if it gets you sick, you just have to monitor the person’s symptoms and make sure they stay in stable condition. Some people use it as medicine, but it’s still really dangerous, you have to be careful if you try–.”

The young girl yawns loudly, the boy sending her a scowl as she does. “Okay, I get it. Don’t touch the pretty flower.” She unveils an implike grin at the face he makes at her. Sometimes, Jie likes to get lost in his words, he might ramble on for hours if she let him have the peace to do it. Maybe he can find himself a job where all he does is talk, with how much he already loves chattering.

Jie sighs, looking away before a grin of his own appears. “You know… my father says that some people dip their weapons in the poison for hunting.”

“Really?” She gasps, the boy’s smile growing larger now that he has her interest piqued.

He still can’t stop himself from rolling his eyes over her excitement, his smile still present. “You’re a very violent person.”

“I’m a very strong person!” She jumps up, a fist raised into the air.

Her passion does little to stir her friend, who remains crouched. “You only care about fighting.”

The girl frowns. “No… I mean, fighting is pretty cool, isn’t it?” She asks, sitting on her knees to face him. “Don’t you wanna know how to fight? You can use that flower or something, then BAM!” She jabs the side of her fist into her chest, grunting in faux-pain and throwing herself backwards, to the ground.

The boy laughs, amusement from her antics clear. “You’re crazy.”

“No, I’m dead.” She corrects him, eyes closed as her corpse remains unanimated on the ground. “You said there’s no cure for that purple flower.”

“Monkshood.”

“Whatever.”

“Fine, then. I’ll make one!” He shouts, and before the girl can open her eyes, the boy slams his hands onto her stomach. She lurches up from the impact with a cough, the surprise quickly giving way to laughter.

The boy goes to speak, but stops himself when the two hear a thud further along the path. Jie jumps a bit at the sound, the softest squeak escaping his throat as the girl jumps to her feet. “Baby.” She teases, looking down at the boy, now shooting her an icy glare.

“Am not!” He frowns, but she pays him no mind.

“What was that?” She thinks aloud, her feet moving towards the source before she can even realise what she’s doing.

The boy’s eyes go wide. “Hey, wait for me!” He shouts, following after her.

Slowing down enough for her friend, the two follow where they heard the noise further down the path, to a baby bird on the ground. Jie is quick to step in front of his friend and kneel down to the bird 

“Is it hurt, Jie?” The girl looks over his shoulder before kneeling down as well, scooping the bird into her hands.

The boy frowns, looking over the bird as it lets out a weak chirp. “It looks a little disoriented. Maybe we should go back.” He suggests, looking back from where the two walked from, the girl yawning a bit as he does. “I can ask my father to–”

Before he can finish, the bird flies off. The girl blinks a bit in confusion, a question washing over her mind as Jie hums. “…Oh. Nevermind, I guess.”

“Why would a baby bird be flying around at night?” She asks, looking up at her friend.

The boy’s brows furrow, his gaze turning to look out towards the the forest. “I don’t know…” He mumbles, peering into the shadows. “Let’s go back home.”

“What?” The girl squeaks while her friend stands. She quickly follows after him as he begins to walk back to where they came from. “But you said you wanted to show me something by the pond!”

“I said it was on the way to the pond. You passed it when you ran ahead.” He corrects her, sending her another annoyed frown.

“Oh.”

His frown gives way to a small smile, and he takes her hand in his. “Come on, I can show you on the way.”

The boy’s smile is almost contagious, the little girl’s lips quirking upward as she lets Jie lead her to whatever it is he has to show.

The two run together, hand in hand, only slowing once the boy strays from the dirt path. He takes the lead, guiding his friend under low-hanging branches, through vines and over fallen logs. It doesn’t take long before they come across several shrubs littered with flowers, vibrant reds dispersed over green leaves. The flowers have large rounded petals, all layered over top of one another with dozens of golden stamen in their centre.

The girl inspects the flora with delight. “Woah, what are they?”

“Camellia flowers.” Jie explains, letting go of her hand to pick one of the flowers. “My father took me with him to pick some for mother. He said something about their p-petals and th-the calyx…” He starts to stutter, looking back to his friend with a shy smile before averting his eyes.

“I know you think that stuff is boring, though. I just– I thought you would like one ‘cause they’re pretty.” He holds the flower out to the girl, his face starting to warm.

The girl looks down at the flower, then back to him, a smile growing on her face. “It is pretty, Jiejie.” She accepts the flower, taking the opportunity to give the boy a quick peck on his cheek.

His face bursts into a red as bright as the camellia in her hand, the reaction sending the girl into a fit of giggles as she turns away. “Come on, I thought you wanted to go back home!” She calls back before running ahead. If she goes fast enough, she can blame her own flushed cheeks on being out of breath.

The boy's steps thump from behind, his startled voice shouting her name. “Wait for me!”

The clack of a door closing draws you away from your daydreams, and you realise for the first time since you’ve left the post house that you are finally alone.

You look around the room given to you, one that is much more spacious than what you stayed the last night in. Your weapons lay by your new bed, which alone could have taken up more than half of the space in that small room! To the left of the bed, a large round window gives you access to a view of the gardens, an area of them you hadn’t noticed in your last visit. To the right is the door that leads to the hall, and the door opposite of the bed led to the room where the palace ladies who just left had bathed you. The ladies had put you into what has to be the most luxurious hanfu you have ever worn behind the folding screen that stood adjacent to the room you bathed in.

The robes are a deep green, the collar trimmed in white. The skirt and sleeves are embroidered in white as well, with swirling patterns that furl out into wings, ironically enough. A green tassel hangs from a white sash, a small jade pendant tied to it.

Those women had also done your makeup, and you couldn’t help but zone out as they dressed you up. Having so many hands touching up your hair and putting it up, brushes in your face colouring your lips and lining your eyes, it’s all treatment you aren’t used to. At least you have a moment to yourself now to think.

You fall back onto the bed, feeling the stress of your situation weighing you down. Even coherent thoughts feel like a challenge after everything that’s happened in the last few hours. You can’t marry some random prince! What would Moksa say to you now, what would Guan Yin do?! Why would this Jian Yu even want to marry you? What, did he take you saving his life as some kind of courtship? How could Sun Wukong accept such an offer on your behalf?!

As though the demon can hear your thoughts, a thump by your window alerts you to another’s presence. You look up to see the monkey demon sitting in the window, taking a bite out of a mango while he hums. “I thought those girls would never leave.”

You jump to your feet when you see him, fixing the monkey with a glare while his face drops a bit. “Woah…” He looks down at your attire for a moment before his eyes find their way back up to your face. He leans against the window, a grin pulling at his lips while a single brow props up. “Did they pamper you enough, princess?”

His comment isn’t acknowledged as you march up to the simian and drag him into the room, throwing him to the ground. He quickly raises his hands in defence as you grip onto the lapels of his shirt. “I come in peace!” He shouts, your eyes narrowing while his grow large.

“If you aren’t apologising profusely for doing this to me, I don’t want to hear it!” You hiss, your grip on the demon tightening.

He cracks a smile. “How about an explanation?”

You're silent for a moment, your stare hardening into a grimace as you grit your teeth. “Speak.”

“You weren’t with us when we spoke to the king yesterday.” He starts, getting back to his feet once he pries your fingers off of him. “Tripitaka was putting it lightly when he said the guy is sensitive, he tried to have Pigsy killed for speaking out. Do you think he would be lenient if you refuse his son?”

“So your solution is to wed me off to a stranger?!” You scowl while he smooths out his lapels.

The demon scoffs at the question, fixing you with an offended look. “No! Once Tripitaka has his papers recertified, we can have you sneak out of the palace walls and we will be on our way.”

You find yourself understanding Wukong’s process of thought, his plan making sense. If the king spoke to them the same way his son spoke to that servant yesterday, it wouldn’t surprise you if these royals were on the more uptight side. It still does nothing to make this situation feel better than what it is. “You couldn’t have communicated that any better?”

“I figured you would catch on.” He shrugs, and you groan in response. Of course he did, it’d be a miracle if he ever explained what he was doing before doing it.

Too mentally exhausted to do anything else, you lay back on the bed, an exasperated sigh escaping your lips. The monkey standing in the room with you grows silent as you turn onto your side, your back facing him. He approaches the bed and takes a seat next to you. “You smell nice.”

“They put oils in my bath.” You respond curtly, back still to the demon.

 “…You still seem upset.”

“Of course I am!” You snap, whipping your head back to face him and making him flinch slightly in surprise. You soften a bit at his reaction, not meaning to come off so harsh. “I– I don’t want to see him again.”

As you sit up, the sage furrows his brows with confusion. “Who, the prince? What, was he that bad?”

You shake your head. “He just…” What are you supposed to do when you see him again? What if you look at this Jian Yu and can only see Da Jie? Just the way he looked at you in the garden… you don’t want to think about it.

The silence stretches between you before a hand rests on your shoulder. “All you have to do is play the part of the soon-to-be bride, then we can all get out of here.” He reassures you, squeezing your shoulder a bit in comfort. “The others and I will meet with you again later today, and if you really want, I can stay close by in case you need me.”

You look up at him, frown softening as you put your hand over the one on your shoulder. “You better.”

He smiles at your words, exhaling a bit through his nose as he glances down at your hand over his own. His ear twitches for a moment before sighing and his hand retreats. “Call me if you need anything, Ol’ Monkey will be close enough to hear you.” He winks, getting up and turning over to the door leading to the bath.

You frown. “I don’t think you need to stay that close.”

“No, I just want to find whatever oils they used for you.” He calls out from the room. “Maybe I could smell as nice as you.”

That earns him a snicker, and you roll your eyes at his antics. “You’ll need more than a few oils for that.”

You hear him laugh, and in a moment he exits, moving to the window before hopping onto its ledge. You follow him to the window when he turns back to look at you. “Don’t forget, you’ve played my elderly brother before, I’m sure you can play the smitten bird-warrior for a little while.” He reassures you, making you shake your head with a smile at the reminder.

“Oh, I am incredibly honoured to have your hand, My Prince.” You flutter your eyelashes in mock-awe. “Even though I am a devout buddhist monk, on my way to bring scriptures from the Buddha himself to the east, I will happily cease my travels to be with you.”

Your friend lets out a dry laugh. “Ha-ha, cut it out.”

“Oh, whatever do you mean?!”

“Okay, goodbye, I’ll be close.”

The door to your room opens and the demon jumps from your window. You quickly turn to face the newcomer, one of the women who had helped you get ready earlier.

“The prince requests your presence.” She says, and you feel yourself stiffen at the words. With Monkey there just moments before, the entire situation felt less real. “I will take you to him.”

You guess this is it. With a deep breath, you let the woman guide you out of your room and through the halls of the palace. The walk is silent, leaving room for your ever-growing thoughts as they begin to unravel in your mind. You have to remind yourself that all you have to do is play along. Tripitaka’s papers get sorted out with the king, and you can fly out of here and act like none of this ever happened.

The path the servant takes becomes one you recognise, and before you know it, you find yourself in the same gardens from the other day. You are guided down the same path you saw that man with the flowers take, leading you to the bridge where the prince awaits.

Your eyes drift to the ground as the woman announces your presence before being dismissed. Once she leaves, you step onto the bridge to join him, the air tightening around you as you do.

The prince calls you by name, his voice much kinder than what you remember it being yesterday. When you look up, you notice he is holding something wrapped in silk. “It is a pleasure to finally meet you properly.”

“Certainly.” You bow in greeting, your eyes wandering to the pond as you feel an awkward smile stick itself to your face. “You must forgive me… I am not sure how this is meant to work. There is meant to be… uh… negotiations, correct?”

“Negotiations?” The man hums in confusion before chuckling. “Do you mean the dowry? You needn’t worry over any of the complications. In fact, I have already seen to it that they are discussed with your travelling companions. I believe they are already on the grounds discussing that very matter now.”

You can’t help but frown, shouldn’t you be present for that? You weren’t all that interested in the process of getting married when you were younger, so you never really learned much about the details of how it all happened. By the time you became a disciple of Guan Yin, there was no reason for you to learn about it anyways.

“I would like to thank you for saving my life yesterday.” He takes your hand, and you look up to see his smile. He hands you the wrapped gift, lifting the silk to reveal a golden hairpin, the end blooming into a flower with jade in its centre. 

You down at the gift in surprise. “It is beautiful, Your Highness, thank you.”

“Please, call me Jian Yu. We are to be married, after all.” He reminds you, the corner of your lips twitching as he does.

It takes a bit of strain to keep your smile. “Yes…” You glance away back at the water, keeping your hold of the gift tight in your grasp.

“That is, if we see this wedding through.”

Your head swivels back to look at the prince, all pretences of your polite facade dropping the moment those words come out of his mouth “What?” For the first time since the attack, you look him in the eyes. That same uncanny feeling washes over you again as you take in his resemblance to your friend, though his eyes now hold something else, something calculating.

His eyes gleam with amusement over your reaction, a sly smirk revealing itself. “Tell me, what were you doing here yesterday?”

The question takes you a bit off guard. “I caught sight of a servant carrying monkshood, Your– um, Jian Yu. I was only curious, so I followed him.” You explain, a bout of nerves tangling as you feel his eyes studying you.

“Hmm, so you are familiar with the plant?” He hums in seeming curiosity.

“I only know of it, the flower grew near my childhood home.” You respond, the stress of his gaze finally lifting once he turns away.

He walks further up the bridge, muttering to himself. “Interesting.”

You frown a bit, unable to decipher his mumbling nor whatever this process of thought he had. He proposes but alludes to no wedding? Why even ask you? What is the point of you being here?

“Please, forgive my bluntness, but what did you mean by, ‘if we see this wedding through’?” You ask, getting him to look back at you with those wide eyes before letting out a laugh.

He shakes his head in amusement. “There is no need to apologise, I am sure you have been confused over this entire matter. I know you and your companions are buddhist monks, it would not make sense for me to ask for your hand.”

Okay, now you’re really confused. “But… you did ask.”

“I know.” He smiles, and the look of bafflement on your face must have been enough for him to decide he should explain further. He takes your hand again, pulling you closer as his voice drops to a whisper. “Think of this engagement as a ruse. I would like to ask for  your help, but no one can know.”

His words leave you puzzled. “So you want to fake an engagement to throw everyone off? What do you even want my help with?” He frowns at the question, looking up and scanning the surrounding area before leaning closer to you. It takes some willpower not to move away when he does.

“There are very few I trust now, and if you wanted me dead, you would not have saved me.” He explains, his eyes shifting to either side of the bridge while he speaks.

You step back, creating some space between the two of you as he continues. “I need help uncovering who it was who tried to assassinate me yesterday. I can call the wedding off after you do this for me, then you and your friends can continue on your journey.”

It takes a moment for you to digest your words. After spiralling over this whole ‘marriage’ disaster all day and finally coming to terms with how Wukong signed you up for this, now you are being told it’s been a lie to serve for the prince’s investigation?

This is all too much.”Why can’t you send your guards to find them? Is that not their duty, to protect you?” 

“As I said, there are few that I trust in this place. That includes the guards.” He explains, and you feel as though you have to turn away. You lean back against the railing, taking in the insanity of this all. What does he even expect you to do? How can you even begin? You fight demons and relieve anxiety, this is quite outside your comfort zone.

It seems the prince is able to sense your conflict, and you feel him take your hand once again. “Please, I will beg if I have to.” You look back at him, your breath getting caught in your throat when you find his eyes pleading. “This is more important than you know. Not just for my own life… I will give you anything.”

You can’t look away from him, his eyes… the panic on his face. You can still smell the stench of smoke around him, feel that boiling heat every time you look at him. You hear every scrape and clank of metal from that night, and his screams…

“I do not need anything you could give me.” You manage to pry your gaze away from him, looking over your shoulder as a sombre look finds itself on your face. “But… I could not live with myself if I were to refuse you. So yes, I will help you.” You can only hope this will end well.

[raya-hunter01]

Fade Into You Part. 3

Prequel Lights, Camera, Action!

Jey Uso x Black Female OC! (Shantell)

Roman x Black Female OC! Tangela

Solo x Black Female OC! Sofia

Jimmy x Trin

Rating: 18+

Warning: Smut; oral, sex, fluff, masturbation

FADE INTO YOU

Summary: This is the Prequel for Lights, Camera, Action! How does an outburst on your first day lead to a lifelong friendship with the Tribal Chief Roman Reigns and the stands the test of time. How does that friendship introduce you to a special group of people that will become your family.  

When did the lines get blurred between friendship and wanting a relationship with one of your best friends Mr. Main Event Jey Uso. Follow the friendships, and relationships of how they all came to be the one big happy family we all know and love in Lights, Camera, Action.

One Week Later

Pensacola Fl,

Shantell’s Condo

“So you mean to tell me you and Jey ain’t never did anything?” my mom asked looking at me in shock. “No mama we haven’t.  We’re friends that’s all,” I said wishing she would drop the subject.

“So all the nights he’s been in your room, ya’ll ain’t did nothin’?” she asked again pushing the subject. “Nope….Nothing,” I said as she laughed.

“I don’t buy it, I felt the heat in that hospital room, ya’ll like each other,” my mom said as I shook my head.

“Mama, we are friends, he’s going through a divorce. His wife cheated on him and he’s going through a lot right now,” I said as my mother's eyes bout popped out of her head.

“Girl who stupid enough to cheat on that man, he fine as hell. Not fine as Joe but he fine,” she said as I laughed.

“Mama he’s been hurt, he is trying to heal himself and I don’t want to get hurt,” I said honestly trying to hold back my tears as my mom sat beside me on the couch.

“Sweetie, you already in deep, I can tell you falling in love with him,” she said as I sighed knowing she was right. “I know mama, but I’m not going to act on it,” I said as my mother hugged me.

 “You two are playing a dangerous game, and I just don’t want you to get hurt,” she said rubbing my back as I cried. “He won’t hurt me mama because I'm going to protect myself, I promise,” I assured her as she held me tighter.

“I hope not, I don’t want to have to hurt him,” she said as I laughed pulling away from her as the doorbell interrupted us.

“Are you expecting anyone?" my mom asked as I shook my head no. “It’s Joe baby,” she said looking out the window. “He was supposed to come by earlier today, but he should be at the arena by now,” I said readjusting my pillows on the couch.

Joe’s POV

I don’t know how I ended up here but I left the building in a panic. I’m losing control of everything. I knew what the results of my bloodwork meant.

“Hey sweetheart come in,” Mama Tanya said giving me a hug. “Thanks ma I just wanted to check on Shantell before I went to the arena,” I said following her into the living room.  “Hey, bestie!” Shantell said smiling brightly at me as I couldn’t help but smile.

“Hey babydoll, how are you feeling?” I asked trying to act natural sitting beside her, putting her legs in my lap subconsciously rubbing them.  “I’m doing okay, the pain is still getting to me at times but it’s a part of it,” she said shrugging her shoulders.  

“I’m just glad you’re ok, you scared the fuck out me,” I said honestly before she cut me off “What’s really wrong bear? You were supposed to come over this morning before the show what happened? I mean you should be at the building getting ready by now,” Shan said grabbing my hand urging me to look at her. Damn, she could always pick up on when something is off with me.

“I was running behind getting to the arena, so I just decided to stop by for a few before I headed there,” I said as she sat up. “Lie number one you are never late getting to the building, what’s going on Joe?" she asked more urgently as I caved.

“They called me in early to go over my bloodwork, my white cell count is high,” I said trying to comprehend the news Mike had given me about an hour ago.

“Well what does that mean? she asked rubbing my hand as I sighed. “My body is fighting off something,” I said not wanting to say it out loud. I knew what my body was fighting off It had been doing it for eleven years.

“Do they know what it is?” she asked as I tried to hold it together. “My leukemia is back Shan,” I whispered as she instantly pulled me into a hug as I broke down and cried.

“It’s going to be ok, I’m here. You are going to beat this, you hear me,” she whispered as I held her tighter not able to form any words to sum up how I was feeling.

I had finally won the championship and my career was finally on track and everything was in jeopardy.

____

Shantell’s POV

I knew Joe needed me and I would be there any way I could for him. I couldn't believe his cancer was back. “What is the next step?" I asked as he pulled away almost hiding himself. I knew he was prideful and probably didn’t want to show weakness in front of me.

“I got to forfeit the title tonight, and see my doctor tomorrow to see what the plan for treatment is,” he said as my mom came back in.

“Hey, I made ya’ll some coffee,” she said as Joe stood up rubbing his face as my mom touched his shoulder in comfort. "What’s wrong sweetheart?" she asked concerned as Joe tried to wrangle in his emotions.

“Ma, I’m ok. I just needed to see Shantell for a few minutes. I’m really running late, so I’ll see ya’ll after the show maybe if it ain’t too late,” Joe said giving her a hug.

“You sure because you know you can tell me anything,” my mom whispered as he held her tight. "I’m good ma, I promise," he said rubbing his eyes, trying to keep his tears at bay. “You don’t have to leave just yet Joe, stay a little longer,” I said as he sighed.

“I’m ok Shantell really, I’ll call you after the show to make sure you up and stop back by I promise,” he said leaning down, giving me another hug and a kiss on the cheek before quietly leaving.

“Is he ok Shantell?” my mom asked as I whipped my tears. “No, he’s not but he will be, “I said confidently refusing to believe he was sick. “I’ve never seen him like that,” my mom said going to the window to make sure he was ok.

“Ma, I need a favor,” I said as she turned to me already knowing what I was going to ask. “I already know, go get dressed. I’ll drop you off, but you better sit yo ass down somewhere when you get there,” she said as I laughed gently getting up and going to get dressed. I knew I had to be there for him.

------

Monday Night Raw

Pensacola, FL

Jey’s POV

“My name is Joe and I’ve been fighting leukemia for eleven years,” Joe said trying to get himself together as a hush fell over the crowd. We were all standing in Gorilla as Joe poured his heart out. “It isn’t fair,” Trin whispered as Jimmy put his arm around her.

“Big Uce gon’ beat this like last time baby, I know it,” Jimmy said reassuring her as Paul went over to Seth and Dean. “Ya’ll meet him out there,” he said as they went further by the curtain.

“What about his real family? You could at least let Jimmy and Jey go out with them. You know his actual family, no disrespect ya’ll ” Trin said pointing to Seth and Dean as they both nodded in understanding as Paul came over and tried to smooth things over.

 “I’m sorry Trin, Vince wanted them out there, they are doing an angle where Dean is going to turn on Seth later in the show,” Paul said as Trin rolled her eyes.  

“Leave it to ya’ll to turn his tragedy into a fuckin storyline that doesn’t even make sense,” Trin said as Jimmy nodded in agreement. "Is it really necessary at this point," Jimmy asked as I agreed with him

 “Look, what we trying to say is what’s going on should bring the characters together not have them feuding, “I said confused by their logic.  

“My point exactly, that’s insane. You just reunited the group and now ya’ll breaking them up again,” Trin said as Paul shook his head in understanding.

 “It wasn’t my call, it was Vince,” Paul said as Jimmy looked unsure of what to say as my phone went off.

Good Shantell was here, I kinda figured when Uce disappeared, he went to see her. I knew no matter what she would find a way to be here tonight, and she didn’t disappoint.

“Aye, I’ll be back I need to do something,” I said leaving them at the TV, watching Joe lay down his championship title. I’m glad Shantell texted, I needed a break from all of this.

The more Joe talked and fell apart, the harder it was getting for me to hold it together myself.

Shantell’s POV

“Mama you didn’t have to wait with me, Jey is on the way,” I said standing beside the car. “Girl shut up, I wanna make sure," she said as I smiled shaking my head at her antics. She was going to be messy, I just knew it.

“Hey, sorry it took so long,” Jey said jogging up to us as I gave him a small smile. “I was waiting on you Mr. Fatu, step in my office,” my mom said motioning him to come over to her car.

“Oh lord, there she go,” I muttered as he laughed. “What’s up Ma?" he asked leaning into the car as they embraced. I saw her whisper something in his ear as he blushed and nodded.

 “What ya’ll talking about?” I asked as he turned and smiled at me.

“Well, I missed you too brat,” he said smartly as I rolled my eyes but hugged him as tight as my sore body would allow. “I missed your aggravating self too,” I said laughing as he chuckled caressing my back.

“And don’t you be worrying bout what me and mama got goin’ on,” he said laughing as I slapped him playfully on his back as my mom scoffed.

I pulled away and looked at her as she rolled her eyes. “Friends my ass,” I heard her whisper, as I tried to not blush.

“Jey or Joe will bring me home ma, you can go get some rest,” I said as she pointed at Jey “Take care of my baby Joshua, and don’t let her do a lot,” she said as Jey gently grabbed my hand.

 “I got her Ma, she’s in the best hands possible,” he said waving at her, steering me towards the entrance. As I looked back at my mom, she shot me a wink and a smile before driving off. She is so messy, but I adore her.

“Thanks for coming to get me Jey,” I said as he turned and smiled at me. “Always Shan, I got you,” he said as the arena door opened and we were face to face with a shocked Joe.

“Shantell! What you doing here?” he asked coming straight to me, engulfing me in a gentle hug. “I wanted to be here for my brother,” I said rubbing his back.

“You should be resting, hell I was about to head to your house,” he said laughing as did I.

“I guess ya’ll had the same idea,” Jey said looking down, playing with his beard.

Jey’s POV

Looking at Shantell in Joe’s arms had me feeling some type of way. That in itself is stupid because he just found out life, and career-altering news... Who wouldn’t want a hug from their best friend…

Shantell said she loved Joe like a brother and in the short time I’ve known her, I know she wouldn’t lie to me.  I also can’t deny it, there is some chemistry between them.

Trin and Jimmy walking out with their bags caught me off guard. “Bro, I got yo bags, Paul told us to go wit Uce. So, we were gon’ surprise Shantell wit a visit and maybe go get waffle house or something,” Jimmy said as I pointed and his eyes landed on Shantell as he dropped our bags in shock grinning as we all laughed.

 “Hey Jimmy Jam,” Shantell said as he laughed walking closer to her.

“Well look at you up and around. It’s good to see you,” he said scooping her up in his arms as Shantell slightly winced but smiled. “It’s good to see you, brother,” she said as I frowned.

“You gotta be careful Uce she had surgery a week ago, don’t squeeze her like that,” I said making him put her down. “Sorry sis,” he said putting me down.

 “It’s ok don’t worry about it,” Shantell said gently hitting my hand before giving Trin a hug. “It’s good to see you girly,” Trin said as Shantell smiled. “It’s good to see you too,” Shantell whispered as they held each other.  Despite the circumstances, the gang was back together, and I felt complete.

--------- Waffle House

Joe’s POV

Looking at my family eating and joking around makes me feel blessed. Yes, tonight I had to forfeit my championship, but it would be my time again. I had a battle to fight and wit them all in my corner I knew I was ready for the challenge.

“Oh I love this song, come dance with me Shantell,” Trin said as “You” by Lloyd began to play as she stood up and took Shantell’s hand.

“Leave it to you to want to dance in the middle of waffle house,” Shantell said laughing as they went in front of the counter and began dancing.

“Them two is trouble, I swear they act like they've known each other all their life,” Jimmy said smiling at them dancing as Jey seemed to be watching Shantell like a hawk.

“She ain’t gon’ hurt herself Uce, she’s good,” I said reassuring him as I saw Shantell moving slower than Trin but staying in step with her.

“Yeah, you right,” Jey said pulling out his phone, sighing as his text alerts were going off back to back. I saw his eyes get wide before he pressed some buttons. “Uh, delete…You ain’t finna get me caught up,” Jey whispered as Jimmy, and I shared a knowing look.

“I know that ain’t Candy,” Jimmy said as Jey’s phone rang and he picked up. “Yea, it’s late what’s up?” he asked as I frowned. I hate that woman I swear.

“Yea I saw your picture…Uh, I’ma chill tonight cause I don’t think that’s a good idea,” Jey said as I raised my eyebrow in curiosity.  “Look it ain’t happening Candy, goodnight,” Jey said hanging up.

“Do I even want to know?” I asked as Jey frowned. “She wanted some dick,” Jey said without missing a beat as Jimmy nearly spit out his juice.

“Wait what the hell,” I said laughing in disbelief. “You heard me, she sent me a nude picture sayin’ she missed me and wanted me to dick her down,” Jey said straight faced as I shook my head.

“Damn Uce, she desperately trying to work it out wit you huh,” Jimmy said as Jey scoffed. “Nah, she knows she’s not entitled to no money if we divorce. I’m just over the bullshit we got a session tomorrow and I’m dreading it” Jey said putting his phone done in exhaustion.  

Yea, he needed this divorce the fast way. “It’s gon be over soon Uce, you just gotta ride the wave,” Jimmy said as Jey growled.  “Aye, ya’ll could have danced with us,” Shantell said sitting beside me.

 “Uh, we just had a little guy talk,” Jey said smiling as Shantell tilted her head in wonder but dropped the subject and took a sip of her juice.

I saw Jey stealing glances at Shantell as she and Trin were talking when he thought nobody was looking.

 I knew I was right, he liked her..Bye-bye Candy and hello Shantell. Yeah, we all would be alright, I just knew we would be.

--------

Two Weeks later

Pensacola, FL

Joe’s 1st Annual Family Barbecue

Shantell’s POV

“Mama I could have drove myself, you didn’t have to,” I said as she personally walked me the door. “Uh, doctor said six weeks and it’s barely been three plus you still hurting. So that is end of that discussion Shantell,” my mom said as I sighed using my key to unlock Joe’s door and went inside.

“Oh, you got a key?” my mom asked surprised. “Mama don’t start,” I said as she laughed. “See ya’ll two playin’ games,” she said following me as I went into the kitchen to wash my hands. “Ain’t nobody playin’ mama,” I said as she scoffed at my words.

“Where is Joe?” my mom asked as I looked in the fridge to make sure Joe had got what I asked him for to make some side dishes.

“He’s on the way back from his doctor's appointment, his cousin Sefa took him. He had to get his chemo pills today,” I said shuffling around the kitchen.

“I pray it’s not hard on him, chemo is no joke,” my mom said as I nodded in agreement.

My grandmother had a hard battle with breast cancer and thank God she was in remission and back living in Ohio, but I truly missed her. I knew if anyone could do this it would be Joe and he would beat this again.

“Hey, he’s gonna beat this Shantell,” my mom reassured me as I smiled at her. "I know he will mama," I said trying to not think about the hard road I knew Joe had ahead of him.

Sefa’s POV

“Aye, let me open the door man,” I said taking Joe’s keys. “I’m good uce just the medical terms had me freaking out a little,” Joe said we made our way inside.

 “Shantell we back,” Joe said as I smirked. “Shantell, as in Jey’s Shantell?” I asked as Joe nodded, then looked at me in confusion

“What you mean Jey’s Shantell?” Joe asked as I laughed. “Trin told me he likes her but is in denial,” I said as I saw Shantell and an older woman coming into the foyer.

“Hey how did it go?” she asked giving Joe a hug as I observed her. Ok, Josh, I see you bro, definitely an upgrade. Shantell was beautiful. “It went good, I start in the morning taking the chemo pills,” he said kissing her on the cheek.

“Uh, who is this, Joe?” the older lady asked as Joe laughed turning to me. “I’m sorry ya’ll this is my cousin Joseph, but we call him Sefa,” Joe said introducing me as I smiled waving at them. “Sefa, this is Shantell and her mother Tanya,” Joe said smiling brightly.

“It’s nice to meet ya’ll,” I said as Shantell smiled at me. “Nice to me you. The guys talk about you a lot,” Shantell said as I smiled at her.

“So you the twins brother huh?” Shantell’s mom asked smirking at me as I nodded. “Ya’ll damn Samoans so pretty,” she said as Shantell looked horrified. “Mama! I am so sorry Sefa,” She said as Joe, and I laughed.

“Aye, we got them good genes, what can I say. Uh, so what is smelling good in there?” I asked trying to change the subject to make Shantell feel less embarrassed.  

“Oh, just a few things I’m preparing for the party, Mom don’t you need to be heading back,” she said steering her mother towards the door.

“Girl, I know when to get the hint, ya’ll have fun,” she said giving Shantell a hug as Joe stepped in. “I’ll walk you out Ma,” Joe said as she winked at him letting me know they had something to talk about.  “I’ll check on the food, come help me Sefa,” Shantell said going into the kitchen, ushering me to join her.

Yea, she’s a looker, yea big brother is in trouble wit this one. I think she and Sofia will get along good. I hope….

-----

Dr, Collins's Counseling services

Pensacola, FL

Jey's POV

“Mr. Fatu, I promise we aren’t trying to railroad you. I think Candy would just like to know is there a chance for reconciliation?" Dr. Collins asked as I scoffed.

“She cheated, and don’t even get me started about all my money she spent on dumb shit,” I said looking at her in disgust. 

“You never were home, you gotta own part of this too,” Candy said as I sighed.

“I was lonely Jey and I slipped up,” she said as I looked at the doctor. “Look, I know I agreed to this and all but I ain’t gon’ be the reason she uses for fucking up our marriage. This ain’t no slip up she has been havin’ an affair for the last year wit this dude,” I said as Dr. Collings nodded in understanding at me. 

“I agree, Candy you got to take accountably somewhere,” she said as Candy began getting very dramatic. “I am!…I just want him to understand, I mean I know he has to have cheated on me on the road. It’s too many women there,” she said as I interrupted her.

“No, I never cheated because I respected my vows to yo ass. I could have had any woman I wanted but I wanted my wife. I watched the pain cheating caused my mama when I was younger and I ain’t built that way to betray the people I love,” I said honestly as she looked at me with shame.

“I didn’t know, I swear Jey,” Candy whispered as I shook my head. “I had no problem turning away women because It wasn’t worth fuckin’ up what we was tryin’ to build. I told you how my daddy did my ma and now you don’t remember," I said slightly angry.

"It must have slipped my mind Jey, I have a lot going on too,” Candy said as I rolled my eyes at her fake words.

“Nah, you told me what I wanted to hear in those moments to manipulate me. All this was a game from the beginning,” I said getting up as the timer buzzed letting us know the session was over.

“Good it’s over, I ain’t gotta talk about this shit no more,” I said shaking the doctor's hand before walking out the door without even looking at Candy.

Yeah, I needed to get to Joe’s quick. I needed to unwind with my family to get my mind off this shit. I wonder if Shantell is going to be there today.

--------------------------

Fatu Family Home

Sandra’s POV

“What do you mean he walked out baby? I asked trying to comfort Candy on the phone as I loaded up my car to head to Joe’s. “He just left, I don’t know why he’s pushing me away,” Candy said as I sighed.

“Look just come to Joe’s, I’m on my way there. Maybe ya’ll hanging out with family will help,” I said as the line got quiet. “Are you there Candy?” I asked as I heard her clear her throat.

“Ok, Ma I’m behind Jey anyway so I’ll just follow him there,” she said quietly. “Ok baby, I’ll see you in a few minutes, “I said hanging up, trying to put my cake in the car.

I don’t know why this boy is givin’ this girl the run-around. He knows once you marry someone you are locked in. We don’t play this mess about divorce.

Hopefully, they can work this out, I know she can’t be guilty of the things everyone has been saying. She loves my Joshua too much to risk that.

-------

Joe’s House

Pensecola, FL

Jey’s POV

“Why the fuck is she following me?” I muttered turning in, seeing Candy pull in behind me.  Getting out of my car I headed towards the front door ignoring her, I was over today altogether.

“You can’t ignore me Jey, let’s just talk,” Candy said rushing to catch up with me as I reached the door about to knock.

“Look, I still want the divorce, I did what your lawyer wanted. I still feel the same, It’s over,” I said trying to get Candy to understand.  “Who is she?” Candy asked as I was about to push the doorbell.

“Stop being crazy it ain’t nobody else, you fucked this up by cheating,” I said sticking to my guns. “I can’t believe you followed me over here from the session. I ain’t in the mood today,” I hissed as she smiled at me.

 “Your mom invited me, what can I say she loves me,” Candy said smirking at me as I groaned. “If she only damn knew,” I whispered.

“Why you so uptight…. I bet it’s that bitch Shantell that has you hung up. let me find out and my lawyers will have a field day,” Candy said as I invaded her space.

“First off she ain’t no bitch, she’s a woman.  A real one, something yo ass can only dream of being,” I hissed in her face as she looked appalled.

 “You can’t talk to me like that Jey,” Candy whispered as I stood my ground. “I’m serious Candy, don’t even look at her let alone talk to her today,” I said viciously as she rolled her eyes and smacked her lips.

Ugh, I hated when she did that shit. Yea, she gon' act a damn fool and this time I ain't gon' stop Sofia from kicking her ass either.

“So, it is true? Is she the one that's got your mind crossed up? Hell, are you and Joe sharing her or something?” Candy asked trying to spark a reaction outta me.

“That ain’t none of yo concern is it seeing as yo little boy toy is living in our house,” I whispered ringing the doorbell as Candy growled under her breath.

I have never been more thankful than when Sefa answered the door.

"Hey!…Uh bro what is she doing here?” he asked looking at me, then at Candy as she smiled at him.  “Your mom invited me, and I promise it won’t be a problem Sefa as long as your dog is on a leash,” she said smirking at him.

“My lady ain’t no dog…. Hell, if anybody round here needs a leash it’s yo ass. I mean all we gotta do is tighten it right around your legs maybe it’ll help you keep them closed sometimes,” Sefa said smartly smiling at the look of shock and embarrassment on Candy’s face.

“Go to hell Sefa, Candy said as he laughed.  “I’m already there, I got see yo face all night,” Sefa said not missing a beat as I snickered in spite of myself.

“A'ight let’s get along ya’ll,” I said ushering her inside as she went out on the patio. “Bro, have you met Shantell yet?” I asked as Sefa smiled. “Yeah, I met her this morning. She helped Joe with the sides while we grilled. She should be on her way backm Joe took her home to change,” he said smiling as I frowned at him.

“What the fuck you smiling for?” I asked as his smile turned into a full smirk “I’m gon’ enjoy watching yo ass squirm tonight,” Sefa said walking away.

Fuck me running, I should have stayed at Jimmy’s…

-----------

Party Disaster

Shantell’s POV

“Gril I’m loving this sundress and hat combo Trin said as I blushed. “Stop it Trin,” I whispered as she nudged my shoulder. “Stop being modest, you look good girl. How are you feeling?” she asked as I sighed.

“The pain is getting better, but I’m ready to get back to feeling normal, my new semester classes start soon. But if I’m honest, I really miss being on the road wit ya’ll,” I said honestly with a sigh.

“We miss you too, girl, I’m overloaded with male testosterone. Sometimes I just wanna strangle they ass,” Trin said pouting as Sofia joined us. “Hey, is this the if you ain’t got nothin’ good to say come stand by me section,” she said smartly as Trin, and I laughed. “I guess you could say that,” I said looking over at Candy who was by Jey as he talked to his mom.

“Mama Uce gon’ try to keep them two together, but that ship has passed,” Sofia said grabbing a beer out of the cooler.

“Yea, and Candy playing it cool and innocent is driving me up the damn wall,” Trin said as I frowned looking at Candy touching Jey’s arm, as he looked uncomfortable.

I hate her…I really am having a hard time trying to figure out how he ended up with someone like her.

“Why won’t he just tell her where to go and how to get there?” I asked, honestly wanting to know. “He’s a mama’s boy chile, whatever mama says it goes. I hope he gets outta that shit,” Sofia said as Jimmy and Joe came up.

“What are ya’ll beautiful ladies up here talkin’ about?” Jimmy asked as we all looked at each other, then down at the ground avoiding the question.

“Ain’t it obvious Uce, they talking about Candy being here, and putting on a show for Aunt Sandra,” Joe said as I looked over at Jey’s mom giving Candy a hug, as she began heading our way.

“Alright, I'ma let ya’ll young folks enjoy your night,” she said giving Trin and Sofia a hug. “It was nice to meet you Mrs. Fatu,” I said as she caught me off guard giving me a hug as well.

“Same here sweetie, I’m glad you’re feeling better and was able to make it today. My boys have told me a lot of good things about you,” she said as I embraced her in return.

“Thank you, I’m glad Joe invited me,” I said smiling at her warm welcome.

“A'ight mama let her go,” Jimmy said scooping in to get a hug along with Joe. “You sure you got enough food auntie?” Joe asked as she smiled at him. “Yea, baby I got enough, Sefa out there loading up my things in the car” she said as Joe put his arm around her and began walking her out.

“I’ll be back, play nice ladies,” Joe said as Sofia rolled her eyes. “I’ll play nice when the trash takes itself out,” she whispered as Jimmy sighed in dread.

“I’m glad she left before dinner because I couldn’t take much more of being nice to this ho,” Trin said as I saw Jey and Candy appearing to argue as Candy tried to put her arms around his neck as he cringed and pulled away.

Jey’s POV

“Aye, my mama gon’ you can see yo self out now. I’m bout to eat with my family,” I said as Candy smiled at me. “I will go after dinner, I mean even Joe told me I could stay,” Cand said as I rolled my eyes at her antics.

“That’s cause you heard my mom say earlier she was leaving before dinner so you begged Joe in front of her to stay,” I hissed frustrated as hell I had to be around her this long.

“Bro, let’s just eat so she can go,” Jimmy said as I  saw the girls heading inside “That’s the best thing you’ve said all day Uce,” I said walking away from Candy as I heard her mutter something I couldn’t make out.

I saw Shantell sitting next to Sofia and it made my heart feel good to see them getting along. Sofia didn’t like a lot of people, but she seemed to have taken to Shantel. Hell, they seem to be in their own little world right now.

 “Come sit by me Jey,” Trin said patting the seat next to her as I smiled in appreciation because that would leave Candy to sit by Jimmy and nowhere near me.

“So, you ain’t gon’ sit by me?” Candy asked sitting next to Jimmy as Sofia smacked her lips. “Girl, get the hint, this is embarrassing. Jey doesn’t want you, let alone sit beside you,” Sofia said as Trin sighed.

“Look let’s just get through this ya’ll,” Trin said trying to fix her plate.

“Um, can you pass the chicken Trin?” Shantell asked as she smiled at her brightly. “Sure boo, Joe and Sefa can put down on the grill you so you gon’ love it,” she said passing the bowl to Shantell.

Damn, she really did look beautiful today I admired her as Joe and Sefa came in.  Joe sat beside her as Sefa sat on the other side of Sofia. “Are you good Shan?” he asked as she smiled.

“I promise I’m okay, so no need to fuss over me,” she said as Candy leaned back in her chair and smirked at me.

 “I’m just making sure you're good, humor me,” he said as she smiled shaking her head at him. “Between you and mom I don’t know who’s smothering me more,” she said laughing.

Damn even her laugh is beautiful. Get it together Jey, ya’ll are just friends...Leave it at that... You don’t want to hurt her.

“Oh, don’t ya’ll make a cute couple,” Candy said shooting me another smirk.

“We ain’t a couple Candy,” Joe said looking at me as I shrugged my shoulders having no idea where she was going with this.

“Looks like it to me, I mean ya’ll interact like a couple. What do you think Jey?” Candy asked as Shantell frowned at her. I didn’t even look at Candy I was too focused on Shantell.

“Not that it’s any of your business but we aren’t a couple. I mean men and women can be friends without sleeping with each other. Maybe you should try it sometime,” Shantell said taking a sip of her wine as Sefa and Jimmy's eyes bout bugged out their heads as they looked back and forth between Shantell and Candy unsure of who to watch.

“Oh, shit Shantell got some spunk,” Sefa whispered smirking at me as I tried to play it cool.  This is a new side to Shantell I’ve never seen and honestly, I’m shook but I think I like it.

” I knew I liked you, girl, you alright wit me,” Sofia said lightly nudging Shantell as Candy scoffed at her. Sofia snickered completely unbothered by Candy’s attitude as my focus shifted back to Shantell who wore a neutral look on her beautiful face.

She casually took another sip of her wine waiting for Candy to respond.

  “So, what the fuck you tryin’ to say Shantell?” Candy asked as Shantell sat her glass down. “Shantell it’s ok, you ain’t gotta answer that,” I said as she shot me a look that told me to stay in my lane.

“Aye, get out that set of business bruh, this shit was bound to happen,” Jimmy said pointing between Shantell and Candy before going back to eating his food.

“You ain’t helping this Jimmy, just shut the hell up and eat your food,” Trin hissed as Jimmy shrugged his shoulders ignoring her.

“I ain’t trying to say nothing, I already said it. Did you not understand it the first time?” Shantell asked continuing to eat her food, paying Candy no attention. Is it bad I’m turned on as fuck right now as to how she's handling herself.

Shantell’s POV

Who does this bitch think she is coming in here asking personal questions and assuming shit? I ain’t the one throwing my pussy around..... She is and I ain’t Jey, I will get wit that ass. This bitch don’t know me at all.

“No Shantell, I actually didn’t hear you. Do you do you care to repeat it?” Candy said as I felt Joe’s hand on my knee. “Shantell, let it go babydoll,” Joe said as I looked at him and smirked innocently.

“Ah, hell….. You ain’t gon’ let it go, are you? Joe asked as I ignored him focusing my attention back on Candy, letting him know he was right about his assumption.

“Aye, uh Jey, I think it’s time for Candy to leave,” Joe said trying to calm things down as Jey agreed. "I think you right Uce, let's go,Candy," Jey said as Joe nodded.

“No wait ya’ll she wanted an answer, I'ma give her one,” I said as Candy smiled at me.  “Yeah, I want to hear it from you, since everyone seems to love to protect you. I mean are you scary,” Candy gloated as Trin shot her a nasty look.

“Girl please you couldn’t do nothin' with Sofia, you really ain’t bout to handle Shantell,” Jimmy said without missing a beat.

“Well, Candy I ain’t never scared sweetie, and I ain’t got a problem repeating anything I say. So, I’ll break it down in simpler terms so even you can understand it. You need to mind your own fuckin’ business, and get out of mine,” I said smirking, raising my glass at her in mock toast before taking a sip of my wine, waiting for her response.

“Now it’s getting thick, bout to get straight damn ugly,” I heard Sefa whisper to Sofia as she tried to hold in her laughter.

“See and you were worried bout me actin’ up,” she said as Candy stood up from the table.

“It is my business when you fuckin’ my husband! I know you are!” Candy screamed banging her hands on the table as I stood up ready to pounce if need be, as Joe grabbed me and Jey grabbed Candy.

“You doin' an awful lot of pounding on the table Candy, like you wanna make a move. I'm right here so if you feel froggy come one and leap yo ass over here and do something," I said as Joe growled.

"I ain't lettin' your ass go, so calm down," Joe whispered. "Let me go, Joe, I just want to talk to her,” I said calmly trying to push him away from me as his grip slightly tightened.

 “Come on Shantell you still healing. You could hurt yourself and she ain’t worth that. Calm down babydoll,” Joe whispered against my temple, holding me close as I relaxed in his arms.

I noticed Jey seemed to be observing us as I saw the instant frown on his face when Joe took me in his arms.

What the hell was that about? Did he really think Joe and I were together or was he mad at Candy situation?

Sefa’s POV

“Let me go! Just be honest you fuckin that bitch Jey!” Candy screamed pointing at Shantell.  Yea, I knew shit was gon’ pop off.

“You are embarrassing yourself and me!” Jey said slightly, raising his voice in frustration as Shantell began laughing.

“Bitch!.... Girl don’t use that word. Bitch is too high class of a word for you to even use. But you are right though, I AM THAT BITCH that’s why you so pressed, but it’s ok, you'll learn to accept it gracefully,” Shantell said without missing a beat as Candy screamed in frustration, storming out of the room with Jey following closely behind her.

Oh, yeah Shantell is definitely a different breed. I like that for my brother, he needs someone who will go to war for themselves and the people they love. I think I just gained a new sister.

“Shantell, that’s it, let’s go cool off outside,” Joe said leading Shantell out on the patio as Jimmy and Trin looked on in shock.  “Let’s go! You’ve done enough,” I heard Jey say ushering Candy out the door.

“What the hell just happened?” Trin asked as Sofia refilled her glass completely unfazed by the commotion.

“Candy almost got her ass whooped, what else is new,” Sofia said as Jimmy laughed.

“Aye, Shantell ain’t scary now, she did that shit in a nice nasty way without being all hysterical like Candy was and she meant what she said,” Jimmy said nodding his head in approval.

“I just don’t want her fighting or getting hurt. She just had surgery and Candy ain’t worth a setback,” Trin said as Sofia sighed.

“Sis, Shan ain’t no punk, she needed to let Candy know that she wasn’t gon’ run over her. She did the right thing to let that ho know she ain’t scared,” Sofia said as Jimmy and I nodded in agreement.

“Joe had her baby, she wasn’t gon' get hurt Trin,” Jimmy said leaning over, kissing Trin on her cheek.  “I’ll just be glad when she’s outta this family,” Trin whispered as Sofia smiled at her softly.

“It'll be over soon, then we can work on getting Jey and Shantell together,” Sofia said as Trin smiled. “Girl, you see it too,” Trin said as I laughed at them.

“Man, ya’ll let nature take its course, it doesn’t need your help. They will get together when the time is right, Uce got to get himself together because he ain’t ready for a real one like Shantell right now,” I said going back to eat my food.

I knew it probably was the wrong thing to say but I knew I was right. When this divorce is final Jey gon’ wild out and enjoy himself.

He’s been tied down for almost six years with Candy. A relationship is the last thing he needs right now.

Now when he calms down and knows for sure what he wants, him and Shantell would be good for each other, just not right now.

 That would be setting Shantell up to get hurt and I know none of us including Jey want that to happen.

Joe’s POV

“Are you calm now?” I asked holding her in my arms. “Joe, I was good in there,” Shantell said as we swayed to the music we could hear in the distance from one of my neighbor's yards.

“Uce got two women fighting over him and I can’t even find the right one,” I said laughing as Shantell frowned. “First off I wasn’t fighting over Jey, I was defending us and two where is Trina, you still with her right?” Shantell asked as I nodded.

“Yeah, we still kicking it, she’s just been awol since I told her about the leukemia,” I said as Shantell seemed to be in deep thought. “Tell me what you are thinking," I said as she sighed.

“Joe, if she can’t be here for you when you need her why are you together?" Shantell asked and I really didn’t have an answer, but I knew she was right.

“I’m trying to figure shit out,” I said as Shantell dropped the subject as we continued to dance.

Jey’s POV

"Just leave Candy!" I hissed as she rolled down her window. "You will be hearing from my lawyer," she said as I threw my hands up in frustration. “Bye Candy,” I said walking away, heading toward Joe’s backyard. I needed to apologize to him and Shantell.

 “What the hell is this,” I muttered looking at them slow dancing feeling my anger rising by the second.

“Hey, you just lean on me, I got you,” Shantell whispered as Joe nodded pulling her closer as they danced. “You just don’t know how much that means to me sis,” he said his voice full of emotion.

 “Stop trying to be strong by yourself, you ain't alone in this. We’re all going to be there with you every step of the way, and you gon' beat this,” Shantell said reassuring him as I heard him sniff.

 Fuck I felt like shit for even thinking some of the thoughts I had been thinking lately.

“You ready to go back in?” Joe asked wiping his tears as Shantell took a deep breath rubbing her stomach. “Lead the way big brother, I’m starving,” she said smiling as he put his arm around her, and they walked quietly back inside joining everyone else.

I had to be honest with myself I had let Candy get in my head and entertained her bullshit. Well, that stops today, it was truly time to move on and start fresh.

Pulling out my phone, I shot my relator a text that I wanted to check out the beachfront property she had found a few weeks ago if it was still available.

I needed to start over and leave the toxic shit behind…And that was exactly what I was going to do even if my mother didn’t like it because I gotta live….Live my life for me, no matter who didn’t like it.

Taglist: @reci24 @southerngirl41 @vebner37 @jeyusos-girl

@melaninsugababy @romanreignkisser @bebesobrielo

@arination99 @2-muchsauce @bakugoumarianawrites

@empressdede @alyyaanna @christinabae @anonandwannakeepitthatway @venusesworld @jeyusosgirl

[the-conversation-pod]

Tens and Chops, Vol. 1 (A Grab Bag Episode)

We gotta clear the decks ahead of the VIIB Awards, so it’s a grab bag episode! Ben, NiNi, and Shan talk a bunch of shows that we couldn’t NOT talk about, and award the fall’s Girl You Tried.

Grab a drink and a snack and join us for one of the most varied episodes we've had on the show.

Timestamps

The timestamps will now correspond with chapters on Spotify for easier navigation.

00:00:00 - Introduction 00:01:15 - Kiseki: Dear To Me 00:12:20 - Dangerous Romance 00:26:05 - Love In Translation 00:41:14 - I Cannot Reach You 00:54:43 - My Personal Weatherman 01:07:01 - If It's With You 01:15:38 - Absolute Zero 01:21:05 - My Dear Gangster Oppa 01:33:32 - Middleman's Love 01:49:07 - Final Thoughts, and Girl, You Tried

The Conversation Transcripts!

Thanks to the continued efforts of @ginnymoonbeam as transcriber, and @lurkingshan as an editor and proofreader, we are able to bring you transcripts of the episodes.

We will endeavor to make the transcripts available when the episodes launch, and it is our goal to make them available for past episodes (Coming soon thanks to @wen-kexing-apologist). When transcripts are available, we will attach them to the episode post (like this one) and put the transcript behind a Read More cut to cut down on scrolling.

Please send our volunteers your thanks!

00:00:00 - Welcome

NiNi

Welcome to The Conversation About BL, aka The Brown Liquor Podcast.

Ben

And there it is. I’m Ben.

NiNi

I’m NiNi.

Ben

And we’re you’re drunk Caribbean uncle and auntie here sitting on the porch in the rocking chairs.

NiNi

Four times a year we pop in to talk about what’s going on in the BL world.

Ben

We shoot the shit about stories and all the drama going into them. I review from a queer media lens.

NiNi

And I review from a romance and drama lens.

Ben

So if you like cracked-out takes and really intense emotional analysis…

NiNi

If you like talking about artistry, industry, and the discourse…

Ben

And if you generally just love simping…

NiNi

There is a lot of simping on this podcast…

Ben

We are the show for you!

00:01:15 - Tens and Chops

Ben

And we're back! We've made it to the Grab Bag for this season of The Conversation. We've named this one “Tens and Chops: Volume 1.” I really hope we have a collection of these to do a smash cut off in the future.

NiNi

So looking forward to it. Definitely looking forward to it. Absolutely looking forward to it. I named it Volume 1 for a reason.

Ben

We have nine shows to talk about plus a bonus segment. Because there are nine shows to talk about, we have brought in help for this one. We have brought in our drama expert, Shan, who is with us again.

Shan

Hello people.

NiNi

Ah, that sweet, sweet smell of a great guest. I love it. Okay, all right, let's dive in, people.

Ben

All right. So, Shan, we're finally into the winter. Let's discuss the fall shows as an experience. As you know, I was grumpy as hell coming out of the summer through the fall with the state of BL. 

How are you feeling about all these various shows?

Shan

Your grumpiness was not unfounded. I don't think the fall season was particularly strong. We hit a slump. A lot of shows just flopped right at the end after strong starts, a lot of shows just didn't take off. There were some things that we were really excited about and then when we actually got to them it was…just so fucking disappointing. [laughs]

I think the strong start to the year and some of our expectations for these shows maybe set us up to be a little extra disappointed in how the season went.

Ben

Before we get into all of the shows individually, NiNi, for the sake of our audience, who may want to skip around this episode, please read the list of shows we're about to discuss.

NiNi

[clears throat] Don't mind if I do! So, in this episode we shall be discussing Kiseki: Dear To Me from Taiwan, Dangerous Romance from Thailand, Love In Translation also from Thailand, I Cannot Reach You from Japan, My Personal Weatherman also from Japan, If It's With You also from, you guessed it, Japan, Absolute Zero from Thailand, My Dear Gangsta Oppa from Thailand-ish, and Middleman's Love the most Thai thing I have seen. [laughs]

Ben

All right. So we're going to be here for a while. I hope you grabbed your drinks and a snack.

NiNi

Put us on pause. Go pee, come back. Or you could just take your phone to the bathroom. Whatever you're doing, I'm not judging you.

Ben

I am, don't worry.

[NiNi laughs]

00:04:20 - Kiseki: Dear To Me

NiNi

Alright, let's start with Kiseki. Ben, what is Kiseki about?

Ben

It's about how nothing was learned from HIStory 3: Make Our Days Count, and that once again I have been made to suffer for things I did not do. 

Kiseki: Dear to Me is a Taiwanese BL about a well-performing high school student late in his studies who gets wrapped up in the gang politics of his local area, falls in love with a gangster, and complications ensue? There's a side couple that's also a bunch of gangsters who end up stealing the show.

Shan

[laughs] I was going to say, I'm pretty sure this show is actually about Ai Di, but okay.

Ben

It is a Lin Pei Yu joint, and we were expecting so much more from her, and yet here we are talking about it in the Grab Bag.

NiNi

Mm-mm-mm. So, Shan, come on in here. Give me, like, a word or a short phrase—something pithy—for the audience.

Shan

Hmm… The pithy description of this show? “Chaotic, but in an awesome way.”

NiNi

Interesting…

Ben

I will agree with that. This show was fun as hell to watch when it wasn't enraging for me.

NiNi

[laughs] I don't know. I was watching it and literally losing the thread while I was watching it.

Shan

Your mistake was ever trying to grasp the thread in the first place.

NiNi

You right, you're right. I made a mistake. My bad. I shouldn't have tried. But—[laughs]—the show was clearly trying, so I thought I had to try, too. 

Listen, I often find Taiwanese shows hard to follow, personally, and I know that's a me thing. But it's something about where they choose to start and end their episodes, I think. I lose the thread.

Ben

I do agree with that. I don't think that, at least the BL tradition we've been exposed to, values episodic structure in a way that is recognizable to those of us who are probably grounded in the American sitcom tradition. A lot of their shows, we tend to remember as a whole, not as individual parts, and that did not work very well here. 

You were not the only person struggling from episode to episode remembering what the fuck was going on. I struggled as well. It was difficult watching this show because I didn't really know thematically what the show wanted to be about. While I really liked the work everyone did—I think all of the actors at every level were really dialed in and it was fun for some of the cameos. I will never return to this particular show because this show involves Wayne Song and Huang Chun Chih as gangsters who are rivals with the leads we care about. 

They have Wayne playing this super-violent, kind of out-of-control gang leader who has to die, and he does, and this is a bad choice because it's not like the rest of us fucking forgot about HIStory 3: Make Our Days Count, and then they released a special episode that is just, “By the way, Chun Chih's character was mooning after him the whole time and now he's sad.” Why? Why was this the choice? Have you not learned that we don't want you to kill these guys? Shit!

NiNi

I think definitely the cameos across the board lost me—A, because I don't watch that much Taiwanese BL, so a lot of it was like, “Wait, who's this guy? Who's this guy? Who's this guy? Why are they here? What are they doing?” I recognize a couple of faces from a couple of things, but mostly I was just confused.

Shan

This show was like 50% powered by cameos. That is what kept people excited week over week and talking about the show. Spotting the faces was really fun. 

So, NiNi, as the resident Taiwanese BL apologist around here, you are absolutely correct that it is often hard to follow the story. The writing is always the weakest point. What has always been my favorite thing about the shows we get from Taiwan is that there is a real connection, I think, between the physical stuff, the intimacy work, and the emotions of the characters, and they kind of really nail those relationship dynamics and that kind of character work. 

But the stories—the plots—have always been kind of a mess, even in my favorite Taiwanese BLs? And this one really took the cake. It was all over the place. I could not at any point in this show, find my footing in the plot, or what was supposed to be happening, or why I was supposed to care. 

That didn't really bother me because this is definitely a show that encourages you to just be along for the ride, and kind of react to scenes, and not worry too much about the overarching story. And that worked for me in this show enough that I had a good time. Would I say that it's good or well written? Absolutely not. [laughs] 

And Ben's complaints about the way that they used those actors from Make Our Days Count are absolutely valid. I kind of couldn't believe the audacity, putting Wayne Song in the show just to kill him off.

Ben

Audacity is the right call, bestie. Thank you very much.

Shan

Right, the audacity! Like, it was not a cool thing to do, and they shouldn’t have done it. So those criticisms are completely fair about this show.

NiNi

There are things about this that I absolutely liked. I did enjoy the couples. I enjoyed the unhinged-ness of them, but I couldn't follow their story, so I was just kind of vibing—which, totally my style. And when I was just vibing I was havin’ a good time. 

If I had to score Kiseki: Dear to Me. The couples are great, the story’s a mess. I'd give it a 6 ½.

Ben

Shan?

Shan

I gave it a 7.5, which was probably generous because I just had so much fun watching it, but I can't claim that it is structurally sound.

Ben

Shan, like the rest of MDL, rated this show with her coochie.

NiNi

That is staying in.

[all laugh]

Shan

What did you score it, Ben?

Ben

What do you think I scored it, bestie? 

Shan

I feel like you scored it real low, because you were pissed about Wayne Song. [laughs]

Ben

I was pissed.

NiNi

Ben was definitely offended, so it got a 5 or less.

Shan

Oh yeah, for sure.

Ben

What do you think I gave it?

Shan

3.

Ben

NiNi

5.

Ben

I gave it a 5. We're laughing a little bit, but legitimately that was so upsetting. And your show was stupid! There wasn't even a point to it. It was just shock, and it felt mean, like you're still salty with us about the HIStory franchise. You are not getting above a 5 from me, despite the fact that Louis Chang and Nat Chen were so much fun to watch, and how much I enjoyed the work between Taro Lin and Hsu Kai. I had a great time watching all four of these men and all the people who cameoed in this.

NiNi

Why do you think there was no Tang Yi and Shao Fei?

Ben

Because there's a cash grab for doing HIStory 6: Freed.

Shan

I want HIStory 6: Freed, and I want it fucking yesterday. Where is our show? [Ben laughs]

NiNi

Alright, so Ben gave it a 5. I gave it a 6.5. Shan gave it a very generous 7.5. Somebody do math.

Ben

That's a 6. 

Shan

You can call it a 6.

NiNi

It's a 6 for Kiseki: Dear to Me. Shoving it off, let's move on to the next one, which we are about to trash.

00:12:20 - Dangerous Romance

NiNi

Ben, tell the world about Dangerous Romance.

Shan

Oh, ho ho ho! Here we go!

Ben

Dangerous Romance—[sighs]—is about how a windmill… cannot be powered…without the wind.

[all break down for prolonged laughing fit]

NiNi

Please! I can’t stand your ass! 

Shan

Had to be done.

NiNi

Okay, bring it back, guys. Bring it back.

Ben

Dangerous Romance purports to be an inter class romance set in a high school between a very smart scholarship student who's super poor, because his parents are dead and it’s just him and his older brother, who's kind of irresponsible with money; and a rich kid who's kind of a pompous bully in school—has no valuable skills of any sort to bring to the table. The two of them crossed paths and are drawn to each other. There are things that happen in the show, I guess. Soccer is a big deal, at some point in this. There's very much a repeated High School Musical TROYYY bit that happens multiple times over three episodes.

[NiNi and Shan laugh]

NiNi

Oh, God, you shady bitch. Carry on.

Ben

It's trash. This show was fucking horrible. This show started out being so fucking interesting. There was the whole notion about Kanghan being just a stupid as hell bully, who only had money on his side, who was getting wrecked constantly by Sailom, this very smart, poor kid. 

And then after episode 2, it all went away, and it was about how Kanghan is a sad rich boy whose mom is dead. And so because his mom is dead, his dad just spoils him rotten, and he just wants his dad to treat him like a real boy, or whatever. I don't give a fuck. This show was so fucking trash. 

[NiNi laughs]

Shan, you're a fan of Shameless. Please explain to the people why this show was so offensive to you.

Shan

For the record, I think I dropped this show Week 4, because I was just so fucking pissed [laughs] about what they were doing with Sailom. 

A little background here: I grew up as a poor person—lived in poverty for like the first 20 years of my life. And I have always had a big interest in stories about class disparity, stories about surviving poverty, stories about families that get through those kinds of challenges because I lived it. And so I'm always very interested to see how it's depicted in fiction. So when the show started, I was so thrilled to finally see a Thai BL that seemed to be taking class disparity seriously? That seemed to want to explore what it actually means when a wealthy person and a poor person are kind of thrown together and have to figure out how to get on the same page across their differences. 

Sailom had some really serious shit set up for him. Him and his brother are in really hard times. They're in deep, deep debt. He's working multiple jobs to try to pay off this debt that they've inherited, and he has this fucking rich bitch bully on his ass, causing him problems, fucking with his jobs, fucking with his money, spreading rumors about him, costing him work! 

I think a lot of people who fell for this show maybe forgot—but I sure fucking didn't—that Kang spread rumors that Sailom was a fucking pedophile, and cost him all of his tutoring students. This is not minor shit that they set up at the beginning of this show to explain the adversarial relationship between these two characters. So I expected them to take it seriously. I expected this to be a serious narrative about how those two could get past those conflicts and come together in a romance—which obviously they were going to. But, that's not what we got at all. 

We didn't get a realistic look at what it means to be poor and to be living with a crushing debt that weighs you down every single day. We didn't get a realistic look at the dynamics between somebody who's grown up like Sailom with the experiences that he's had and the issues that he has to carry every single day, and how he might think about someone like Kang and how he might view him with disdain, and with resentment. We didn't get any of that. We didn't get a realistic look at how these two could come past the initial bullying and the initial things that Kang did to fuck with his life and his money. 

This is life-or-death stakes. They showed us that. Him and his brother are actually getting beat because of this debt on a regular basis. This is not a light issue. And so to set up all of that in the first two episodes, and then immediately pivot, by the third episode, to a bog-standard BL with these two just kind of flirtin’ with each other, and doing all the classic tropes, and Sailom apparently just fucking forgetting all the things that Kang did to him because of one isolated moment? 

None of it made any sense to me. I felt like they flipped a switch and changed Sailom's character from episode 2 to 3, and he never came back. I stopped watching the show in episode 4, but I continued to follow the discourse, so I know that the real Sailom never came back. 

I just don't understand what happened with this show. I don't understand how the same writers could have written those initial episodes and that set up and then carried out the show in the way that they did. I actually found it offensive. I am still pissed off about it! You can hear it in my voice, I'm sure! This was not a joke to me. I was very upset with what this show did. It's inexcusable.

Ben

Kill ‘em, bestie. [laughs]

NiNi

Murder them.

For me, the problem—the main problem with the show—was that the show was about Kanghan and it should have been about Sailom. That's really it in a nutshell. If the show was about Sailom, if it was about Sailom being the main character and you getting into Sailom’s head, and seeing Sailom’s life through Sailom’s eyes, and seeing how Sailom deals with his life, then that's the show that I wanted to see. 

You're talking about the serious shit that's going down. Kang literally shows up at Sailom’s house with a gun! Have we forgotten about this?

Ben

After his friend said, “Bruh, I think the whole gun thing is maybe going too far.”

NiNi

None of these characters are consistent. The characters that are set up in the beginning, the ones that you are interested in, the stories that you think, “Okay, this is what they're setting up.” None of that happens. Those characters vanish basically overnight. 

Saifah was set up to be this kind of charming, feckless older brother who can't be relied upon, but Sailom really loves him. He works with old people, and he kind of steals from them, and scams them a little bit. That's an interesting character. And then one day his debt collector sends a new guy, and the new guy is somebody he went to high school with. And I was like, “Well, this is about to be interesting!” [buzzer sound], I was wrong. No, it was not interesting.

Ben

It's really frustrating, because there's actually a fairly decent small plot in the middle of the show where Saifah has schemed his way into working for the same family. He's been dealing with a work related injury, and the grandma pays for some expensive European medicine for him. He doesn't realize this is for him, and he thinks about stealing it and replacing it with a generic. There’s a really interesting moment where he chooses not to steal from them and then learns that it was a gift intended for him, that is this really decent moment in the show which only further pisses me off. 

Every now and then, this show seemed to understand some of the complex dynamics it was about, and then went right back to fuckin’ it up for no reason.

Shan

I think NiNi is right that the main problem was that the show should have been Sailom’s show and instead they made it about Kanghan, and I don't know why they did that. The first two episodes were clearly rooted in Sailom’s story, and that's what really, I think, threw me.

Ben

Chimon is also the older, veteran actor. Why didn't they believe in him? Like, he could have carried this show. I do not know why they decided to lean on Perth. This is the second time this year they have tried to lean on Perth and it has not been a good choice.

NiNi

I think that Perth is a good actor but he needs a strong lead. He's a follow, but he's a good follow if he has a strong lead. Trying to put him in the lead position? He works best when he's pulling off of somebody.

Shan

Mhmm. If they had let Chimon anchor this, and him follow, I agree with you, NiNi.

NiNi

And then why did they even bother View and June? Why did they make them get out of bed?

Ben

Ohh, are we talking about the teacher-student line between View and June? I'm not.

Shan

I'm so glad I was already gone for that! Whew! I don't even want to know.

NiNi

It wasn't even a thing, though!

Ben

I'm not discussing it, I will not.

NiNi

Listen, honestly, the best parts of the show were, A, the first two episodes, B, everything that Euro did? Euro was great. I loved Euro.

Ben

Okay. I will say that. Let us not walk away from this without shouting out Euro. They do not give big boys a lot of love and respect in this field and, Euro. You did good work, sir. You should have been allowed to kiss—which of the twins was in this?

NiNi

I think it was JJ.

Ben

JJ! You should have been allowed to kiss JJ in this show!

NiNi

I also did not hate Marc and Pawin in this. They were not bad.

Ben

They were not good. [laughs]

NiNi

I didn't say they—I said I didn't hate them, and they were not bad.

Shan

Damning with faint praise indeed.

NiNi

And you know how I feel about Pawin!

Ben

The problem with this is, again, like the pieces were there. But, did you know that a windmill—[all laugh]—cannot function without the wind? If you're tired of this bit in the podcast, watch the show!

Shan

You can only imagine the horrors awaiting you.

Ben

There's a class difference between Kanghan—did you know his name means ‘windmill’?—anyway. 

And so there's a class difference between the two of them. And there's a class difference between Nawa, Pawin's character who's rich, and Guy, Marc's character who was poor. They're friends with the other leads. There was a real opportunity to tell a story about, how do these dynamics play out where people mix? There's an egalitarian aspect to all going to the same schooling system together, even if some of you are there by scholarship, or because your mom works for the place in the case of Euro's character Auto. Marc's character Guy, he's probably there on a football related scholarship because he's an athlete. 

Like there's an interesting thing to say here, but they did nothing with it. It is such a waste of all the goddamn talent on this show, and it was a waste of 12 weeks of my life. This show was bad. This show was offensive. And this show was stupid.

All right, ratings.

NiNi

I gave it a…5.

Ben

Shan?

Shan

Well, since I didn't actually finish the show, I didn't give it a formal rating, but y'all should know that it's, like, a 2 in my heart.

Ben

It is a 3 formally from me. I watched the whole fucking thing. It was shit and offensive. You get a 3 for that.

NiNi

So with 2, a 3, and a 5, I think that pulls you down towards the end of 3.5. 

Ben

Oh yeah, it's bad. 

NiNi

It's not good.

Ben

It's a 3. 

Shan

Do not watch it.

Ben

Unless you need to understand that windmills require the wind to function.

NiNi

[Laughs] Oh, no.

Ben

And let's talk about the fucking ending of this trash piece of shit. The tag of this show is these two characters engaged in sex work play where the poor kid is playing an escort who has to take care of his rich client. 

What the absolute fuck was this?

NiNi

I wanted to vomit.

Shan

I actually can't believe that happened. I saw it. I saw the GIFs on Tumblr, and I thought I was having a fucking hallucination or something.

NiNi

Sex work role play…Okay, anyway. So, on that note—

Ben

It's a chop!

Shan

Well that was a definite chop.

NiNi

Chop.

Ben

Three chops. [slams desk] It's over.

[NiNi laughs]

00:26:05 - Love In Translation

Ben 

On to the next show—oh, good, it finally gets better. [laughs]

Shan

This is a good one!

Ben

All right, great. 

NiNi 

The next show on the list, now that we've gotten that out of the way, is Love in Translation. Ben, what is Love in Translation about? 

Ben 

Love in Translation is a workplace BL in which two characters from different backgrounds come together to run a convenience store in Bangkok. One of them's name is Phumjai. He is a Thai national who comes from a seemingly well off family, who is obsessed with an idol named Tammy. He learns that Tammy is interested in picking up a potential partner in Thailand, but she wants that partner to be able to speak Mandarin and she would like for that character to also be an entrepreneur. Seeing that there's a chance here with Tammy, he decides he wants to formally learn Chinese and goes to a, like, small business association meeting or whatever, to see about starting something up. 

Meanwhile, we have Yang Yan Feng, who is a Chinese national who is here to open up a shop in a very specific point because of backstory reasons involving his dad, I guess. The two of these characters cross paths and don't end up liking each other at first, but circumstances come together, and the only Black character in Thai BL this year ends up connecting the two of them and they form a little shop together. Yang agrees to also teach Phumjai Mandarin and flirt with Tammy on his behalf. Very many hijinks ensue, but this show ended up being one of my favorites of the year. 

Shan, you ended up really enjoying this show. Tell us the things you liked about the show in the early weeks when we were deciding whether or not we needed to give ourselves La Pluie-level brainrot over it to convince people to watch it. 

Shan 

It ended up being really enjoyable. I was a little bit more skeptical going in than Ben. I'm not as inclined to sitcom style in BL as Ben is. Like, I think you kind of find it very comforting and familiar, whereas I kind of feel it's sometimes an awkward match of styles, and so I wasn't quite as convinced going in that I was gonna love it. But I enjoyed it a lot, and I think what I liked so much about this show is that, at its core, it's really just about kind people who are mostly just doing their best to be decent to each other and do right by each other. And they have misunderstandings. And there's a lot of comedy in those misunderstandings. There's silly stuff. There's fights, including physical fights that get pretty outrageous. There's characters making mistakes, but it feels like everybody's really well-intentioned and really earnestly trying their best. And I just think it's kind of impossible not to like a show like that. 

I also just really appreciated that this show—it had a good cast of characters. There was a lot of quirky folks. When I was watching it, I was reminded of shows like Superstore, where it's a little bit sitcom-y, you're in a store, you've got this big cast of personalities that you can kind of call on for comedy bits, as needed. And I thought it worked really, really well. 

And the romance between Phumjai and Yang, it was really nice. They just kinda liked each other once they got past their initial misunderstandings, and they got more comfortable with each other over time as they worked together on this project—on this store. They really got to know each other. 

Phumjai was fixated with this influencer Tammy originally, and he had a really natural progression away from that crush and toward developing feelings for Yang because of the authentic time that they were spending together and the real bond that they were building. And I always just find those kinds of romances really compelling. They're making something together, and that makes them want to be good to each other, and it makes them see the best in each other, and then become interested in each other. And I just think we don't get enough naturally building romances like that in the genre. 

Ben 

NiNi, since we successfully bullied you into watching this show, what did you think of it? 

[NiNi laughs]

NiNi 

It was deathly cute. I enjoyed every single minute of the show. I liked the internationalist perspective of it because you've got Odo and then one of the workers in the store, I think, is part Thai? And then Yang is Chinese, so there's some fun internationalist stuff happening in the show that you don't always see coming out of Thailand. Ngern was there. 

Ben 

Oh, are we talking about that now? For those of you who give a shit, who have been in the genre before 2gether the series, who were there before even SOTUS, Ngern Anupart, who played Earn in Love Sick the series, and also played the lead role in Waterboyy the movie, and was in a terrible Thai drama called Part Time this series, which we all attempted just for him. 

Shan 

Did you memorize that man's resume? 

Ben 

Of course.

NiNi 

He did. 

Ben

Ngern Anupart is back with us in BL, and he's swole now, girls. You should watch. 

[NiNi laughs]

Shan 

I will say, I'm a Love Sick girlie. I did love Earn, the character in that. I love Ngern, the actor. I was very happy to see him in this. His character was perhaps the most annoying in this show. [laughs] 

NiNi 

I loved it! 

Ben 

It was so funny that he was so annoying! I loved him in this! 

Shan 

He played Phumjai’s brother, Phojai, who was a classic overbearing older sibling who just could not let Phumjai have any space to live and learn and make mistakes. He just was so on top of him all the time and making him lose confidence in a way that I think was well-intentioned, but just extremely wrong-headed. Just getting in the way of his brother's success as he was constantly professing his intention to do the opposite. It was a really good storyline, to be clear, like it was really well done. 

NiNi 

It was really great and the other great part is that the whole time he's dating Phumjai’s good friend who also works at the store, and they're kinda working together to make the store a success in the background but they're doing it all wrong. Phojai and Tag are adorable together, but Phojai’s a little closeted. So it gets a little complicated. But overall, it ended up being real cute. There is a fantastic gag with some disguises that I swear to God was so hilarious. 

Ben 

Highlight of the year for me. [laughs]

NiNi 

This show was funny. It was sweet. It was… pretty hot, actually. 

Shan

Right! High heat.

Ben 

This show does comedy really well. The comedic timing of this show is so intentional. It was intentional when they were filming it, and it was intentional when they were editing it. It isn't perfect, but it's intentional and it lands really well. This show was so funny in the early episodes when it was leaning more into the sitcom bits. 

NiNi 

I found it funny all the way through, because I always find some of the humor in the pathos that comes later down the line. Like it was so funny when Phumjai and Yang went on the practice date because Phumjai is getting ready to go on this date with Tammy. And he's going on this practice date, and all he's thinking about on this practice date is, “What does Yang want to do?” 

So he shows up at the practice date with green bread, a baseball mitt, like. [laughs] That's like, so much going on, and I'm like looking at it like, “Oh, this is so sweet and so funny because of course he would bring a freaking baseball mitt because he thinks that Yang would have a good time. This is adorable.” 

And then the end, when Phojai gets kidnapped—follow us, girlies. Phojai gets kidnapped because Phumjai is paying off this debt—there's a little mafia shit going down in the end. But Phojai gets kidnapped for, like, months, and then when they finally pay off the kidnappers and they've released Phojai, you discover that Phojai has actually been kind of running the shit in the mafia for the last two months! [laughs] He’s become, like, a trusted lieutenant. 

Of course you took over, because you are an elder sibling. This is what you do. You got them organized. You made them respect you. I respect that as an elder sibling myself. I was just like, “That's exactly what I would do.” It was so funny. I enjoyed it entirely all the way through. I did not mind Daou’s wig. 

Shan 

Thank you! Can we talk about the wig? This is very important to me. 

[NiNi laughs]

Ben 

No, because first I have to get very serious about how good the show actually was. We will undercut the seriousness of which I will talk about how good the show was with you talking about how terrible Daou’s wig was. 

[NiNi laughs]

So, for those of you who listen to The Conversation podcast, you know that NiNi and I don't always see eye-to-eye when it comes to really huge power dynamic differentials between characters. This show is one of the very rare examples of a workplace set show where the workplace mattered and also the leads were equal to each other. One of the caveats of Thai economic politics is that foreigners cannot hold majority stake ownership in a Thai corporation. So despite Yang's wealth that he brings to the table and determination to open up a store in Thailand, he cannot have majority stake. 

Phumjai, who doesn't bring any money to the table, brings the fact that he is a Thai national to the table. So the two of them have equal ownership in the store—Phumjai slightly has more. We think Phumjai might be a bumbling idiot, but when asked to hire people because Yang, even though he has business sense, he doesn't know anyone. Phumjai actually hires competent people to help out in the store. Yeah, sure, he hired a bunch of femmes, but he hired really competent people to work in their store, and was actively engaged with trying to make the store successful. He was doing rapid iteration of various marketing strategies to try to get customers to engage with their store. He doesn't use the formal language that Yang does, but he is trying his best, and bringing even his own little money he has to try and make the store’s opening as successful as possible. 

His interest in Tammy is also grounded in something real. We thought he was just lusting after an idol, but he had had a weird meet-cute with her when she had visited Thailand as a tourist. She asked him just to show her around because she was a little bit lost, and he basically went on a date with Tammy when she first came to Thailand. So his crush on her wasn't grounded on just the persona she presents in her show as an idol. He had had a genuine interaction with her and connection with her. And when he finally approaches her properly, Tammy is also receptive to his advances. Sure, they get complicated by the fact that this is a BL and she's a girl—she can't win. But she also takes that in stride. She is a character that is not dismissed along the way despite being a girl in a BL. 

This show was legitimately so good at managing its character dynamics and how the characters played with each other. The growth between Yang and Phumjai together and personally was really well handled. This show struggles a little bit on the back end by getting a little bit silly with Yang's debt and the [sigh] mafia shit, but legitimately, this is one of the better shows that aired this year. 

Now let's talk about Daou's wig. 

Shan

Thank you! I've been holding it in so bravely. 

[NiNi laughs]

Shan 

Listen, listen! This is about respect. I need to pay respect to Daou, because that man had to wear this monstrosity of a bowl cut on his head. This horrible wig. The sideburns looked so fake. Every time you got a slight angle on the wig, you could tell that it was just a mop sitting on his head. Somehow he managed to deliver some of the hottest scenes of the entire year while he had that wig on his head. And you know, I just think that that deserves recognition. 

Ben 

Let's talk about the hottest scene of the year. 

[NiNi laughs] 

These people recognized that this was a show set in a convenience store—

Shan

Mmhmm.

Ben

—and they said, “Offroad and Daou,” and they were like, “Yeah, what's up?” “We need you guys to knock down these fucking shelves in this fucking convenience store, banging it out, because it's definitely a kink thing for Yang.” And they said, “Bet.” 

Shan 

In front of the security camera!

Ben 

Yang absolutely has that footage saved somewhere. 

Shan 

[laughs] 100% he does. 

Ben 

I had an absolute blast with this show. This was legitimately one of my favorite shows of the year. 

NiNi 

I must concur, and I actually scored it a 10. 

Ben 

Holy shit.

NiNi 

And the reason I scored it at 10 was that at the end they turned the store into a workers cooperative. So that gets 10 for me. 

Shan 

Bonus points from NiNi. [Shan and NiNi laugh]

Ben 

All right, Shan, let's give it the real drama rankings. 

Shan

I gave it an 8. I loved the show. I had a great time with it. Is undeniably messy, and the writing really went off the rails in the final couple episodes, and I can't pretend that that didn't happen. But I really loved it. 

Ben 

I gave the show an 8.5. The writing does unfortunately get a little bit messy towards the end. They didn't really know how to do the epilogue episode as cleanly as some of the more experienced teams do. But that's me being, like, fair from the drama ranking scale. In my heart, this show is a 9. 

[Ben and Shan laugh]

This show was really good! It was a lot of fun to watch. People should go watch this show. It's a lot of fun. 

NiNi 

I am calling producer privilege to give the show a 9 from The Conversation. 

Ben 

I'm okay with it. 

Shan 

I'm good with it. 

NiNi 

We have an accord. Love in Translation gets a 9 from The Conversation. Daou and Offroad, thank you so much. 

Ben 

If you are a fan of BL, but you say you've gotten burned out on all of the school-based stuff, this is probably one of the better workplace shows. 

But, at least you know, that a windmill… 

[all laugh]

All right!

NiNi 

Moving on.

00:41:14 - I Cannot Reach You

NiNi

Our next show—we have officially reached the Japanese portion.

Ben

Bangers Only section of this episode!

NiNi

The first show that we're going to talk about is an absolute banger: I Cannot Reach You. Ben, what is I Cannot Reach You about?

Ben

Oh, Shan gets this one. 

NiNi

Shan!

Ben

Oh yeah!

NiNi

What is I Cannot Reach You about?

Shan

I Cannot Reach You Is a friends-to-lovers BL about two childhood friends who are in high school together, one of whom is a long-suffering pining gay boy, and one who is kind of an oblivious little chaos muffin. These character types might sound familiar to you, they are very common in Japanese BL. But what makes this story feel a little different is that it really sets out to deal with the deep angst that really comes in when you take friends to lovers seriously. 

This is not a fluffy show, even though it is light throughout, they're really digging into the pain of being in love with your friend, the confusion of feeling your feelings for your friend start to change, the shock that can come along with it. Kakeru, who is the main character here, learns in episode one that his longtime best friend Yamato is in love with him, and this whole show is about his journey to accept and understand that, and then also figure out how he feels about it and how he might be open to their relationship changing. 

It is, bar none, the best friends-to-lovers drama that I've ever seen in the BL genre. It is one of my absolute favorites of the year and on a short list of perfect shows that we got this year in BL.

Ben

NiNi?

NiNi

Well, damn. I love this unreservedly. I have, seriously, no notes. Actually, I have one note and the note that I wrote—I'm just gonna read it verbatim: I Cannot Reach You, to all of Japan, “Hey, guys, I'd like to introduce you all to this wonderful concept called talking. Please look at this adorable story about how talking can make your life better, and even help you find love.” [laughs] And that's my only note on I Cannot Reach You. 

I agree with Shan. I think it's a perfect show. It's so cute. It's so deeply felt. It is so centrally angsty. It had me deep in my feelings in a way that I have not really felt since His - I Didn't Think I Would Fall in Love, which is another Japanese banger that I love. It's a great show, easy to catch up on. It's not very long. It is so perfect. It's perfectly balanced, perfectly paced, perfectly written, perfectly acted. I love it, unreservedly.

Ben

This was probably one of the best shows that I have ever watched in all of BL. Very few BLs actually properly capture the experience of being closeted as a kid in a way that is not triggering. I was closeted—we talked about this on the show. It sucks. Ohara Yamato was in love with his friend Ashiya Kakeru, and he did not make his attraction to Kakeru something that Kakeru had to deal with. It's other people, who are so irritated watching the two of them interact, who intervene and sort of force them to deal with this issue between them. 

But here's the big thing. We can yell all day long about how characters should talk to each other and all this other stuff, and how communication is really important in romance and all these sorts of things. This is very true, but the thing is: when you're queer and you know the consequences of being publicly queer in this horrible, racist, homophobic hellscape, you don't want to force that on your friend. That's the crux of friends-to-lovers angst that is so critical. 

Yamato really does love Kakeru, and he doesn't want to force Kakeru to deal with being queer. They don't say it directly, but that is a huge part of the hang up here. That is so perfectly captured in a way that is not triggering. It is so hard to be gay and alone when you're a teenager. There is a real complex restraint that grips you when you're 17 and gay and struggling, and in love with your best friend, where you don't want to be alone, and you really want to be with your friend. But being gay hurts, and you don't want to be responsible for inflicting that hurt on them, that I connected to directly in Yamato, that is portrayed so, so well by Maeda Kentaro. 

And this show doesn't just do the whole “I love you” thing and then they make out or whatever. Like, “I liked you the whole time!” We watch Kakeru deal with the reality that he has to reframe his own relationship with one of his closest childhood friends. And he ends up finding attraction in himself as well, and he goes through the difficult process of that. That is not a switch that turns on. It's like, “Oh, shit, I guess I'm gay now because your desire for me is so strong.” What this show gets correct is, when you have a friends-to-lovers story, there's the drama of, “This relationship is really important to me, and most romances fail. Do I want to lose one of my critical relationships that underpins my understanding of who I am as myself for booty?” The answer in a lot of cases is no. That's a scary threshold to cross—your bestie is not your partner. 

He considers what this means for their friendship and their relationship, and how there is a genuine need to respond to someone's feelings. That, even if he is your best friend, the way that he's felt like this about you for a long time means you can't just pretend that that wasn't there the whole time. Just because you were wrong about what you were perceiving in your friend doesn't mean you can just bottle it up and walk that shit back. It's so expertly handled in a way that is adorable. 

Like both of you describe the show as cute, and that's sort of the point. This show managed to make some of the most difficult things about coming of age and being queer kind of palatable, and adorable, and really interesting to engage with. And it's so well done, the way that these boys play out the complexities here. 

And then we get to Episode 6, and Shan will remember when Episode 6 aired, because I almost called her on her personal phone line after I finished Episode 6. 

[NiNi and Shan laugh]

Shan

He was like, “sound the alarm, holy shit!” [laughs]

[NiNi laughs]

Ben

I was like, “Shan, There's a BL emergency! Get home quick!”

Shan

I was waiting to watch it until we had all the episodes and he was like, “Nope, no more waiting! Get on it right now!”

Ben

Episode 6 is probably the best single episode of BL of the whole year. Kakeru has a lot of self doubt as part of his character—really well executed—and he expresses that he can't understand why Yamato might like him, and Yamato gets angry about this, and is like, “Don't you know what you're worth?” and he throws Kakeru on the bed and has this moment where he crosses the line with him. And you can see possibly years of restraint breaking, and he kind of scares Kakeru. When he gets his senses back, he scares himself and flees, and has this whole breakdown where he despairs about this. This is so perfectly executed because that's how it feels when you're in the closet and you make a mistake and reveal yourself.

Shan

What's wild is that, that's just the end scene of episode 6. Episode 6 does so much shit even before that. This is the episode where Kakeru and Yamato have this conversation on the roof, where Yamato confesses. At this point they both kind of know what's going on, but Yamato comes right out and says, “This is how I feel. This is what's going on.” And then he does the classic BL thing of immediately after confessing, he tries to walk away because he doesn't wanna stick around to be rejected. 

And, something amazing happens in that scene, which is that Kakeru is like, “Hey, bitch, get back over here! You gotta listen to what I have to say now. You don't get to just confess and then run away.” And I was, like, fist pumping when that happened because it was, first of all, just a brilliant subversion of a classic trope. And he says, “I wasn't gonna reject you. I am still kind of processing this. I'm not sure how I feel about it yet, but I want to think about it. You're important to me.” And I just love that. 

Like NiNi said earlier, “Wow, the power of talking to each other instead of just having your emotional outburst and then running away—actually trying to communicate.” And that's so much of what this show is about. The moments where these two characters are able to communicate with each other clearly and get their real feelings across, that is when they are able to make progress in their relationship, and there are lots of characters in the show who are reinforcing that along the way. 

Hosaka is probably the fan-favorite character. He's kind of the wise queer kid off to the side. He's got his little barrette in his hair. He's watching, he's perceiving, and he's really pushing—quite forcefully, actually [laughs]—the two lead characters to, like, talk to each other and get their shit together. 

My personal favorite side character is Yamato's sister: Mikoto. She is just this quiet presence who has always had her brother's number on this, and knows exactly what's going on, and really chooses her moments to show up and be a mirror to him of what she's seeing, what he's doing, and make him think, and even give him some courage. She even has a couple scenes where she does the same for Kakeru. She's a great sister character of a type that we don't get to see very much and I really appreciated her.

NiNi

This show’s a banger. There's no reason not to watch it. Watch the damn show.

Ben

This show also released the sexual tension in a way that J-BLs very rarely do, particularly not in this lane of J-BL.

Shan

And it did it beautifully. 

And I feel like we should talk a little bit about the visuals of this show. I'm not someone who normally even notices a lot of visual style. I’m a words person. I really am pretty dialogue-focused, and I don't usually notice a lot that's going on with the visual effects in the show, but this one used them so effectively that even I kind of keyed in.

Ben

So this show uses a bokeh effect, which is this thing where you play with the focus of the camera to make these blurry lights appear. This is very common in anime to show that a character is experiencing heightened emotion. Like the emotions are sparkling out of them, and the show color-coded the boys's visual effect to reflect when they were experiencing intense emotion. It’s very obvious to the audience when the moment turns for Kakeru. Yamato is bursting with emotion from the first goddamn episode, and when it starts to happen for Kakeru, we're finally—“Oh, finally, these bitches are both on the same page.” 

The other fun visual gag in the show is, very early on there’s this moment at, like, an arcade or whatever, where Yamato gets a stuffed animal for Kakeru, which is part of him thinking he wants to be with this girl. He ends up keeping the stuffed animal and the stuffed animal ends up becoming the audience stand in. So, like, whenever a moment happens between the boys, they cut to the stuffed animal whose arms they've moved to create a different expression—him either being, like, overwhelmed with kilig feelings about the boys being cute, or aghast feelings [laughs] about something untoward suddenly going on. It's a great running visual gag.

NiNi

This show is awesome. It gets at 10. What were you guys’ scores?

Shan

Perfect 10, baby!

Ben

For those of you who don't know, NiNi and I are far more loose with our 10s than Shan. Shan is a stingy bitch when it comes to 10s.

[Ben and Shan laugh]

Shan

Understatement. I have watched over 400 dramas. I have given out eleven 10s total, but this show is one of them.

Ben

I also gave this show a 10.

NiNi

Okay, so I Cannot Reach You gets a 10 from The Conversation and we are on to the next one.

00:54:43 - My Personal Weatherman

NiNi

The next show that we're going to talk about on this what is definitely going to be a monster episode is My Personal Weatherman. Who wants to take this one? Ben or Shan, who is telling us what My Personal Weatherman is about?

Shan

Ben’s definitely gotta do this one.

Ben

My Personal Weatherman is a very kinky BL where a local weather forecaster has a live-in boyfriend who is an erotic manga artist. They have a very Dom/sub, and they are not very good at talking to each other. They actually do say a lot to each other in this show. They just constantly misunderstand each other—very refreshing for Japan. Segasaki is the weatherman who provides for them. Yoh is the manga artist who is very much struggling. Yoh sees himself as kind of a slave—he doesn't really necessarily enjoy the sort of housewife role he's been placed into, and resents that they seem to only have sex when it [doesn’t] rains? 

He pretends like he doesn't want to have sex with Segasaki, but then he has a whole blow up because they end up in a sunny [rainy] season where it doesn't rain a lot and has a whole breakdown episode where he just masturbates furiously for a whole afternoon because they haven't had sex in a while. It's a very fun reveal that the reason why they don't have sex is because that's what Segasaki thought they needed to do, which has really good payoff in, like, the next episode or two later. 

This show was a little bit complicated to talk about and watch. This very obvious kink dynamics going on in this, but people who are more familiar with Japanese home dynamics say some of this is actually fairly normal for husband and wife dynamics. And the show ends a little bit abruptly, which is part of my consternation with it. I kind of liked a lot of what the show was doing. I unfortunately watch too much BTS stuff, and it was revealed that some of the things that were going on with Segasaki were kind of improvised by a Higuchi Kohei, who plays Segasaki, which I think muddles some of the messaging of the show. 

But before we get deeper into that sort of stuff, NiNi, I know I bullied you to watch the show, and Japanese BL is not always your forte—reactions and thoughts on this show?

NiNi

So you're right that they are communicating, they're just willfully misunderstanding each other. I found that incredibly frustrating. But I still like the show. I did. I did like the show. I think that the miscommunications that they're having, because they are talking and miscommunicating that way, I am less annoyed by the miscommunication. If they were just not talking, it would be like a completely different thing. 

And then I like the settings. I like the side characters. I like the main characters. I like that Yoh cannot cook and Segasaki loves to eat his food anyway. Yoh’s a terrible cook, like terrible, like— [laughs] it's so bad, and Segasaki literally eats everything that Yoh will make with a smile on his face because he loves him so much.

Shan

He ruined a curry. I don't even know how you do that.

Ben

That's really impressive. Curry’s so easy. His curry was crunchy! Gurl.

NiNi

I think the thing that I'm not sure comes across, but in your description of the show, is that they've been together for a while. This show stretches on a little bit. It shows how they ended up together?

Ben

One of the things we got clarification on is like their cohabitation is fairly recent. The offer was made when they were still students, but the cohabitation is recent.

Shan

Which we didn't find out until almost the end of the show.

NiNi

Segaki thinks that he's being clear with Yoh. Yoh, because of, I guess, self-esteem issues or whatever it is is completely misreading the very direct words I think that Segasaki is using, but Segasaki is also being direct, but not entirely clear. So it's not that it's easy to misunderstand, but you could see how misunderstandings could happen. Yoh is kind of withholding even if he's saying things. 

Segasaki is picking up a completely different kind of thing from what Yoh is saying, because he thinks that they're in a loving relationship, while Yoh thinks that they're in a weird master-servant dynamic. So, they're in a relationship. They're just, they're in two different relationships. And so they're talking past each other. 

Yoh doesn't understand why Segasaki won’t be certain affectionate ways with him, and the minute that it becomes that Yoh actually expresses that in a way that Segasaki understands, he completely changes the way that he behaves towards Yoh. And he does do that softness and affection and stuff with him because he didn't know that that was what Yoh wanted. He thought that what he was doing was what Yoh wanted. It's similar to how Yoh is reading Segasaki. 

I found it interesting. Frustrating, yes, I will not deny that I found it frustrating. But I found the way that they chose to deal with the miscommunication trope, which is a big trope that Japan uses—which is a lot of times why I have trouble with Japanese BL, because miscommunication frustrates the shit out of me—but I think that the way that it was used in this show was very clever, and I liked how they move past it. I think that how they moved past it was also very interesting. 

So yeah, I think the show was pretty good. I would score it highly.

Ben

Shan, thoughts on the show?

Shan

So [sigh], sometimes, in BL fandom, I think that we as an audience latch on to the idea of a show, and then kind of give a show credit for our idea of what it's doing instead of what it's actually doing. And this is one of those shows for me. It's not a fave. 

I liked a lot about the show—a lot of the things that NiNi just mentioned—I thought were interesting. Like, miscommunication trope is not my favorite, but it's hugely Japanese for cultural reasons, for language reasons, so I'm very used to it—and I've seen really good executions of it. This show, I feel, did not have the quality of writing that it needed to support the complexities of what it was trying to do with these characters. And that showed through a lot, there were a lot of cracks in this show. 

You kind of alluded to one earlier, Ben, about how there were—what I perceived while watching—there were some inconsistencies in characterization in Segasaki in particular. And we learned from the BTS that that actually probably was an actual inconsistency, because it wasn't in the writing, these differences in how he was appearing in these different time periods. It was something the actor was just trying out on his own, and they kind of just let him do that. 

There were lots of instances of dropped threads or missing context to understand the characters' reactions and things. I read some awesome gap filler, thoughts, explanations, and interpretations of what we could make of the characters behaving in certain ways. To use an old Internet term: that's called ‘fanwanking,’ and that is when the fans of a thing have to do a lot of extra work to figure it out and explain it because the show has not done that work itself. And that, for me, was kind of the bottom line with this show. It didn't do all of its work, and I think that a lot of us were so intrigued by the premise—were so into the visuals of the show, liked the pair, liked the characters enough, to fill in those gaps and still really enjoy it. But for me, the show didn't get to the level of quality that it was aspiring to, and it didn't quite work for me, in the end. 

On top of some of those gaps that I think were kind of there throughout the show. You said earlier, Ben, I think, that it ended abruptly. It's not just that it ended abruptly, it didn't finish its story. It felt very unfinished. To me it felt like an intentional grab for a season 2—a play to try to get the fans wanting more so that they could maybe get funding for a season 2? And hey, if that's what they're going for, power to them. I hope they get the money. I'd really like to see them finish the story. But, I would have liked more if they would have actually finished the story initially that they were trying to tell. This show for me, it tried some things. It was interesting. It was enjoyable to watch.

Ben

[laughs] She said, “Girl, you tried.”

Shan

It’s a little bit of a Girl, You Tried for me! I'm not gonna lie, it is!

Ben

Here's what I'll say. I don't think all of the pieces of the show work together as seamlessly as they wanted them to. However…I don't care. [laughs] 

I liked what the show is trying to do. I really liked the really messy relationship between them. I like that Drama Shower went with a show about two people who are trying to be together and failing miserably at it. I do like what the show was attempting to do. I find myself far more forgiving to the show because it was trying things that BL doesn't do very often. I also just really liked episode 4, where Man-san comes to their house.

Shan

Yes, let's talk about Man-san, best character in the show. [laughs]

Ben

It was one of my favorite moments of the year, the bit where she knocked at the door and Yoh panics, and Segasaki’s  like, “Oh so she’s here?” and he starts stretching. He's like, “Don’t worry.” Like he’s ready to fight this woman [NiNi laughs] who he believes that Yoh was having a secret romance with on the side, and then the door opens and—she's been a Segasaki stan for a while. And they have this really great comedic overlay of [laughs], “Oh my God. I'm at my idol's house.” And all he does is charm the shit out of her for the whole episode, and piss Yoh off because he thinks Segasaki's flirting with her. 

I had so much fun with this show. This is the closest I come to a vibes rating. I tend to be forgiving with shows that are trying things that are fresh in the genre—or at least underexplored. And so, we’re mostly rating this show on the fact that it executes high heat in a believable way, for the most part, and was generally a really watchable eight weeks. I had a lot of fun with this show.

Shan

Mmhmm. I hope they get their season 2. I wanna see them finish it.

NiNi

I ended up giving this an 8. I think it was pretty good. The parts that I liked I really liked, and the other parts were just kind of a meh for me. ‘Meh’ is always going to be worse than ‘bad,’ for me anyway, unless it's offensive. So it drags it down from what could have been a 9 to an 8 for me. 

Shan, how about you?

Shan

In a shocking twist, I gave it a higher score than NiNi. I gave it an 8.5. Maybe because I, like you, Ben, appreciated what it was trying to do and wanted to give it a little credit for that.

Ben

I gave My Personal Weatherman an 8.5. So it can get an 8 from The Conversation. It's fine.

NiNi

So My Personal Weatherman gets an 8 from The Conversation, and on we go.

01:07:01 - If It's With You

NiNi

Our next show that we're talking about is If It's With You.

Ben

Oh! We're back to bangers! Let's continue!

Shan 

I got it!

If It's With You is about Amane, a high school student who fucks… You want me to say more than that?

Ben

No. You are correct, bestie, and this show is perfect. 

[NiNi laughs]

This show opens up with a high schooler having ill-advised sex with an older character, who's about to move to the countryside with his grandma. And his last hookup is like, “It's been really fun tearing that ass up. But maybe, when you move to this little, small seaside town, you can have a normal high school romance.” And he scoffs at the notion of someone like him ever having a high school romance, but little does he know he's in a five-episode MBS BL, and that's exactly what's in store for him! 

And it's great! He moves to the little seaside town. He immediately runs into a really hot guy who's super sweet, falls for him, and it ends up being mutual.

Shan

I like that this show is a twist on the classic romance trope of goin’ to a little seaside town, meetin’ someone unexpected, fallin’ in love. Like, there's hardly a more classic romance trope—we've all seen it a million times. But what was nice about it is that we had this young character who was already kind of jaded, and just didn't think that love was something he was interested in. And we got to see him form a really genuine connection with somebody—that was initially based on thinking he was hot and wanting to fuck him. Yeah, Amane definitely wanted to have sex with Ryuji. He made it kind of clear. 

One of my favorite things the show did was Amane is not in the closet. He's not ashamed of who he is, and he made sure that Ryuji knew, first that he was gay, and second that he wanted to be physically involved with Ryuji. He told him that straight up, and kind of braced himself for rejection because, as we learned, he had been rejected for that in the past by other friends. And then we get to see Ryuji react to that, and process it, and be like, “Okay, that's cool. I don't know that I can really reciprocate that right now, but I want to keep hanging out. Is that alright with you?” What a cool response to that. What a way to be, Ryuji, I love that! And then we got to just see them build a relationship from there. It felt very genuine.

NiNi

Amane is one of my favorite types, which is a masking sad boy. He's a sad boy who is pretending to be happy, and pretending to not care. Basically, he's putting on this front of being carefree when he's actually a very sad, very hurt boy, and Ryuji clocks that immediately and tells him, “Yo, you don't gotta do all of that around me. It's fine if you’re sad.” At that point I was not only in love with the show, I was in love with Amane. 

In fact, my only critique of the show is, I think, at the very, very end it pulled its punch. But… basically, Amane is one of my favorite characters of the year, and there's so much about Ryuji, too. Ryuji is a kid who's lost his dad, and he works with his mom in the restaurant where his dad used to cook. Literally, his dad is the one who taught him to cook, and now he cooks in the restaurant, and sometimes he doesn't go to school because he has to work in the restaurant, and his house is a little chaotic. But there's one corner where his dad's shrine is, which is spotless. 

Guys, if I start thinking about this show too much, I'm actually gonna cry. I think the show touched me somewhere very deep, and it's a thing that I'm still thinking about, even if, as I said, I think it pulled its punches a little bit at the end, it stayed with me. Also, some of the greatest set design. Y’all know I love Japanese set design. It's a fantastic example of set design.

Ben

Continuing the conversation we had with I Cannot Reach You about how it's very difficult to be gay when you're young. Amane tried to have the youth thing that Heartstopper indicates that we could potentially have, and Amane is crushed for it—the way many of us are crushed—accidentally! The best thing about the way Amane gets crushed is that his friend crushes him without realizing he did—excellent gay angst. Top tier. I feel the old wounds festering. It's great. 

NiNi

[laughs] Why are you like this?

Ben

[laughs]

So Amane is not well, and he's doing what many of us do: he skips it. Gay people who are closeted do not get to have high school romances. We don't get used to people perceiving us and what it means to be a couple. We skip so much of this, and then you become an adult, and these anonymous hookups—that are not very meaningful—and they can feel weird, because you're trying to be vulnerable with someone, and they don't want that. And it sucks to try and have intimate moments with other gay people that feel like transactions. It makes you feel cheap about yourself, and Amane understood that. And he's gorgeous. He's a funny, thoughtful, heartfelt little boy, and he already thinks he is just someone else for other people to hook up with.

Shan

I just want to say NiNi’s right that they pulled their punch at the end, and it's why this show isn't perfect for me. I loved it a lot, but the show started, as we’ve mentioned, with a character for whom sexual intimacy—sexual desire—was a big part of just how he lived, how he thought of himself, what he liked to do. And I don't like it when shows explicitly or implicitly imply that serious relationships, true love, do not have a sexual component. That sex is something salacious and dirty, and that love is something pure. And I think, because the show pulled its punches at the end here on the sexual relationship between Amane and Ryuji, I think that's a little bit of the implicit message that they put out there. And I don't love that. So I do have to ding them for that. They didn't finish strong.

Ben

I do agree in that regard and it was very unfortunate for this show that I Cannot Reach You finished, like, two weeks later. [laughs]

Shan

It really didn't help this show that I Cannot Reach You came up on its tail and did it better.

Ben

I really like the show. I really like the way that it set up a very initial premise of “maybe you should try a real romance, kid.” Like, you're still a kid. You can still have a good romance. It doesn't matter that you failed once: A great message to all the little gays out there, old and young. You can still have worthwhile romance. Shiro got to have a great relationship with Kenji at like 47!

Shan

There it is! I've been waiting for it! It's amazing! You made it two hours without it. Two whole hours before you did it.

Ben

I was trying so hard, bestie. I really was. I was really trying not to mention What Did You Eat Yesterday? in this episode. [laughs]

NiNi

I knew once we hit Japanese BL, it was only a matter of time.

Ben

I was trying so hard, y’all. Like, they were talking about the way this man couldn't cook, and I was like, “Ooh, I can't mention What Did You Eat Yesterday?” 

[Ben and Shan laugh]

Y’all got me so conscious about my favorite show! They dragged me, y'all! They ate me up! They tore me to pieces! 

But seriously, in terms of, like, messaging, I agree. They muddled it a little bit, but I really like Amane's arc. 

It's good! One of my favorites of the year. Let's go around the room. Ratings! NiNi?

NiNi

I give it a 10.

Ben

Shan?

Shan

I gave it a 9.5.

Ben

I also gave it a 9.5. I think it is a Conversation 9.5 because we all agree that it muddled the waters on Amane’s relationship with sex as it pertains to Ryuji.

NiNi

I concur. So, it's a 9.5 from The Conversation for If It's With You.

01:15:38 - Absolute Zero

NiNi

And now we are into the shit. [laughs]

Ben

Oh, oh shit! Oh fuck! It's two hours into this! I have almost finished my daiquiri. I am drunk. 

[NiNi laughs]

Let's talk about Absolute Zero!

NiNi

You're gonna get exactly three minutes on Absolute Zero, okay?

Ben

Oh, sure, that's all I need.

NiNi

I'm not letting you get into another New Siwaj thing. [laughs] Should be easy, because I didn't watch it, and Shan and Ben did not finish it. Ben, tell us what Absolute Zero is about.

Ben

Absolute Zero is a time travel BL in which a gay man in his 30s… No, he's technically 26. Oh my God. A 26 year-old gay man! His partner, who he lives with, has an accident. He's in a coma. He's having a bad time. And then a magic taxi takes him to the past, and then he does nothing for six episodes except date the younger version [laughs] of his boyfriend, and confuse the fuck out of them. And then apparently a bunch of time travel nonsense happens after this, and I had to be forcibly dragged off of this show [Shan laughs] because the clowns were worried for me. 

We don't need to talk about the show. Shan, you don't need to talk about it? NiNi, you don’t need to talk about it. I'm gonna look directly into the camera. 

[NiNi laughs]

New Siwaj, you had multiple opportunities this year to do something meaningful. I have had to sit here across from NiNi for over a year as Tee Bundit has put out three different shows, 2 and one half of which I thought flopped in one way or another. [Shan laughs] You had multiple opportunities to give me something useful to talk about with NiNi on this podcast, and you failed me, sir. 

This was your chance to do Until We Meet Again-style BL again, and you should have given us all something sad and melancholy to reflect over as a real good capstone of this year and you [starts yelling] fucking blew it for all of us! 

I cannot believe you, sir. You've wasted so much of our goddamn time. I cannot believe you embarrassed me on this podcast like this. 

[NiNi laughs]

Shan

New Siwaj is having whatever the opposite of a renaissance year is. 

NiNi

Ooh.

Ben

So bad. Like, you should have thrived under these circumstances. This is your bread and butter: caring way too much about little shit, but you didn't get any of the big shit right. This was a terrible experience. Literally, only two other people we know of finished your goddamn show.

Shan

And they hated it, every minute!

Ben

They had nothing positive to say about it. For over two months, this was horrible. What an absolute waste of genuinely good talent at every level of this production. Reportedly, everyone gave decent performances, and you wasted them on this empty drivel. What the fuck was this? You had four years of having the rights of the story. You had the actual writer of the novel on staff helping you write the goddamn script. And it was still this stupid empty mess, which apparently ends at none of it really occurring, but everyone having some sort of form of temporal PTSD? Like this was a 12 week Star Trek episode? What the absolute fuck was this?

[NiNi laughs]

Shan

I have nothing to add. 

NiNi

Hydrate, baby, hydrate.

Ben

Oh, girl you know I got my water right here. 

This show gets no rating from The Conversation. We DNF’d this show. We will never be going back to this show. 

I will allow the rest of you to offer additional commentary. Proceed.

NiNi

So, Ben, is this breakup gonna stick?

Shan

Yeah, right. 

Ben

We have talked about this girl. 

[NiNi laughs]

He's got a whole college BL with all of the B- and C-listers at GMMTV coming out in the spring. I gotta watch this fucking shithow, don't you worry. 

[Ben and NiNi laugh]

Shan

There never has been a break up, and there never will be a breakup. Let’s just be clear.

NiNi

They’re the couple that fights in the street, and then the next day they're all boo’d up. I hate you so much.

Ben

We are what they thought they were doing with Cher and Top in Only Friends.

Shan

Mew and Top.

NiNi

[laughs] I’m so mad that you called it Cher in Only Friends!

Ben

Oh, Mew and Top. Right, right, right, right, right, right. 

[NiNi laughs]

It gets a 0 from The Conversation!

Shan

An Absolute Zero.

NiNi

An Absolute Zero.

Ben

Oh man, I didn't make another windmill joke during If It's With You—If It's With You is about how— [laughs]

A windmill!

[laughs harder]

NiNi

I am so done with you. I am moving on. We are moving on.

01:21:05 - My Dear Gangster Oppa

NiNi

We're moving on to—I am just calling it ‘the main event.’

Ben

No, no, I'll do it, because you have to describe this one. You're gonna take this L, bestie.

[NiNi laughs]

On to our next show: My Dear Gangster Oppa. NiNi, tell us about [laughs] My Dear Gangster Oppa.

NiNi

My Dear Gangster Oppa is the B-movie’s B-movie. My Dear Gangster Oppa is a Thai BL based on a Korean webtoon that I have not read—because I never read these things—but I do know that it's based on a Korean webtoon, so I get a point for that. It is about the titular gangster oppa, Tew, and the titular dear, Guy. 

They meet playing some kind of mobile game virtually and they somehow become sort of close, or at least close enough that when the gaming team decides that they're going to meet in real life, all the other gamers are like, “Guy, you ask Oppa to come to the meet up, because he'll come if you ask him to.” Well, at that point they thought it was a her because Oppa plays with a female avatar because of reasons.

Ben

Naive assumptions.

NiNi

[laughs] The point of the matter is Oppa’s a gangster, like legit—guns, beatings, stabbings.

Ben

He has murdered people!

NiNi

He has absolutely killed people, and Guy is just a sad gay boy in love with his bestie since high school… 

I'm sorry guys, I'm doing a terrible job of describing the show.

Shan

It's not you, NiNi, it's the show!

Ben

I'll back you up. It starts off as a show about gamers, and two of them falling for each other, and then decides to become a shitty mafia BL.

NiNi

[gasps]

Shan

A boring mafia BL.

Ben

There it is. It becomes a boring mafia BL.

NiNi

Shan and Ben are stabbing me through the heart right now. I just want to let you, the listeners, know.

Ben

Well, how about you climb over the wall wearing your kneepads and drop onto—[Ben and NiNi laughs]—the mattress?

NiNi

That's why it's a B-movie’s B-movie, Ben!

Shan

No, listen. NO!

NiNi

Okay, the show had—the show had ideas.

Ben

Did it?

NiNi

It had ideas. Some of the ideas were really good. The execution of the show is terrible. Some of it is terrible. I—okay, it's all terrible by accident. Like none of this is done on purpose. Do not get me wrong. It is very, very bad.

Ben

They hired the most juiceless boys, and then pretended that they had juice. That was not good. Like if you had— 

Oof. I have my own read. Finish talking about your little show you had fun with before I cut it to pieces.

NiNi

This show is not good. It's not good. I am not defending it on any type of quality grounds. I just enjoyed the fuck out of it. That's all I'm saying. It was trash. You could see all the seams, as Ben has intimated. You can see the stuntee's knee pads and elbow pads. You can see them throwing themselves off of things and falling onto the barely-hidden mats. Oh my God, it's so bad. It's so bad that I laughed my ass off for eight weeks. I'm sorry, I had a good time.

Shan

Let me give NiNi some credit. I just binged this show this week, and I was genuinely having fun with it for the first half—the same vibe that NiNi’s talking about. Like I was, like, “This is hilariously bad, but it's kind of funny.” 

[laughs] We have to talk about the bright orange scar makeup. 

Ben

Do we?

Shan

Did they not have red or black in their makeup kits? They put these fucking neon orange scars on him [laughs], and it was the worst thing I've ever seen. But it’s like, that kind of shit is funny, it was a good time. But the show's biggest sin to me is not that it wasn't good. It was never going to be good. It's that it got so fucking boring, because it abandoned all the funny elements—the fun and silly and wacky things it was doing in the beginning with, like, the gamers—and treating the difference between them in some ways so seriously, and in some ways so deeply unseriously. That dichotomy was kind of fun. 

But then in the second-half of the show, it becomes all about this fucking mafia plot, and it was terrible. Like, it—it was terrible because it was so boring. The energy just sucked straight out of the screen every time I had to sit through these long ass scenes of Oppa talking to these different mafia guys about what they were mad about and why. I never gave a single shit. It was horrible. And that is why the show pissed me off, because it was fun, and then it decided to just be this dull nothing. 

This show, like Oppa, needed to quit the gangster life.

NiNi

[laughs] When I tell you, I actually screamed. Like, my sister had to come check on me.

Shan

It was all downhill from that line. That was the peak of the show.

NiNi

[laughs] How dare you? The show had a budget of $47.18 and it spent all of it on that scar prosthetic.

Ben

I watched this with Aiden, who you may have heard on the I Told Sunset About You episode. Aiden could not remember Tew’s name, and once he started wearing those horrible suspenders [laughs] Aiden just started calling him Urkel for the rest of our watches. 

NiNi

Now you see, that's fun.

Ben

Shan refused to learn his name and just called him ‘Oppa’ the whole time.

Shan

I stand by it.

NiNi

It's the B-movie’s B-movie. It's like B-exponential, like B-to-the-power-of-B. Okay, I'm sorry. I am that girl.

Ben

You heard many a Gay Rant from me over the last year. New rant unlocked for The Conversation: Gamer Rant.

NiNi

Oh, no.

Shan

Oh, boy.

Ben

We don't talk about this on the podcast, but I have a very long history of being very involved with a very specific video game. I have deep and meaningful relationships with other gamers. I was the best man at a gamer wedding where sixteen of us showed up. We were deep at that wedding—we had our own goddamn table. And I showed up as the only representative at a smaller wedding to make sure that one of us was present to witness the event. 

Gaming relationships are so important to me because when you're a weirdo and you don't fit in, It's easy to become close with people very quickly online because you're anonymous. They don't know anything about you. This show ends up abandoning all the interesting things about this weird collection of people who had found each other through this game, and decided to meet up together and extend that relationship into meatspace, to then become the weirdly worst mafia BL we've seen in a while, which was so twisted because the show clearly likes action film, and then embarrassed itself trying to mimic them. And clearly cared about violence, because Tew has a legitimately violent history that is handled with far more seriousness than even something like KinnPorsche did. 

There was so much that was way more interesting than being a shitty action schlock BL that this show could have been by starting with the gaming component, and it was legitimately infuriating for me to see this show use it as a cheap way to say these guys know each other, to then do nothing interesting with the mafia shit. 

I hate this show, so much. This is one of the worst shows we watched this season because this show could have been a fun action schlock B-movie if it was a fucking movie. But it asked for eight fucking weeks from me. I spent eight hours with this motherfucker—I had a lot of time to think about this shit. This show sucks way more than it even realizes that it sucks, and that's really the sad part about it all. This show is one of the worst [laughs] shows I watched in this season and I hate it.

NiNi

Shan, Ben is gamer offended, among other things.

Shan

I do think this show would have been a lot better if it was about the gamers instead of about the mafia.

Ben

There was a real opportunity for them to just only talk about their team stuff and for all of Tew’s gangster shit to be lore going on in the background, cause when you're hanging out with your homies online, their real lives are lore. Like, NiNi is in school. That means nothing to me.

[NiNi laughs]

“Is she gonna be present for this show? Oh, wait. No. She's gotta worry about, like, her real life stuff with her family or her school or our podcast. Well, shit, NiNi's busy. I guess I can't bug her to watch this tiny Taiwanese BL that I really like. It's not that important.” 

Shan does really cool shit in her real life. That means nothing to me! “Shan, are you available to watch this Japanese BL that I really like?” That's all I care about.

Shan

Always bestie, always.

Ben

That's the point. Gaming friendships—we don't really know what people do in their day-to-day lives. Like it would have been legitimately funny if Tew was, like, never lying about shit. Like, “Yeah, we just had a really weird stuff. Like, a guy came into the store. I had to, like, beat the shit out of four guys. I might have killed one of them. Whatever. We got rid of his body.” And they would be like, “Haha! Whatever! It’s time for practice.” If they had legitimately focused on whatever gaming shit they were concerned about and all of Tew’s mafia shit happened in the background as just fan fiction we all made-up, this would have been a fucking excellent show. 

But instead it was this disaster that ended up offending me way more than I expected it to. Fuck this show! 

On to Wahl, who was one of the characters I hate the most this year. Oh, I got words for that motherfucker. Don't think we're getting out of this recording without me going off about Wahl. Fuck that dude. I hate this dude so much. This character is not redeemable to me. Wahl only cares about Guy at the point at which Guy remains under his control. And the grossest thing this show did was have him accept that he can no longer control Guy, and then imply that he ends up with another guy at the end to perpetuate this cycle he has. He is so fucking vile. I hate him so fucking much.

Shan

I would just like to say that I concur on Wahl. That guy fucking sucks, and I hated him from maybe the second episode.

Ben

As soon as he did that stupid seal dance, I was like, “I hate this man!” [laughs]

Shan

You are done.

Ben

I'm like, “That's not even a whale, you stupid son of a bitch! Get outta here!”

Shan

He was a shitty friend, and as always, I got salty about him being forgiven without having to pay any consequences for his shitty behavior.

NiNi

We all agree that Wahl sucks. [laughs] We can agree on that. [laughs]

Ben

Does anyone have anything else to say about this terrible show before we move on?

NiNi

I am continuing to defend it. I will give it a 6.5.

Ben

Shan?

Shan

I gave it a 5.

Ben

I gave it a 4.

NiNi

So, Shan, by The Price is Right rules, you win [laughs] and the show gets a 5.

Shan

Feels right.

01:33:32 - Middleman's Love

NiNi

Moving on to our final show, and the one we all just finished today—well Ben and I finished. Shan watched the beginning and the end, which I think is a delightful way to watch this show.

Shan

I am very happy with my choices.

NiNi

So we all watched Middleman's Love. Yes, you might have heard me say on an earlier episode of this podcast that I would not be watching Middleman's Love. However, you should mind your business, because just because I said it doesn't mean it's happening.

Ben

I say I break up with New Siwaj every single season of the show. [NiNi and Shan laugh] It's whatever. We don't care.

NiNi

So I watched Middleman's Love, and I have actual real thoughts. But first we gotta tell the people what Middleman's Love is about. So, Ben, take it away.

Ben

Middleman's Love is a spin off from Bed Friend. Jade is a middle child and used to being overlooked by his family and his friends. They've got some interns at work. He doesn't realize that his intern has an enormous crush on him, and so is using his fudanshi eyes to try and hook him up with another intern, and slowly comes to realize the intern actually has legitimate feelings for him as we unpack Jade's own hang ups as it comes to love. 

While there are a lot of things I ended up enjoying, the show attempts to be comedic in a way that was really divisive and it ends up being kind of a mixed bag. Bed Friend is a really dramatic show, and while I don't think all of us currently here agree about how well Bed Friend did these things, Middleman's Love as a really comedic tonal shift doesn't always work because they're relying on Yim to be comedic as Jade in a way that makes you ask legitimately as Shan likes to say, “Why would anyone want to fuck this man?”

Shan

[laughs] Well, I did wonder why anyone would want to fuck this guy.

Ben

And that is honestly a legitimate question to ask early on in this. This ends up getting a little bit of Cheewin’s stuff—and I’ll let NiNi have that part—’cause she's much kinder to Cheewin about this than I am. But that's basically the gist of it. Jade is a middle child who's used to being overlooked and playing supporting role to other people who comes to realize that he can have love, too. 

NiNi, your thoughts on the show?

NiNi

That's it in a nutshell. I have a lot of thoughts on this show because it helped me clarify a lot of things about Cheewin. 

Now I get to say some lore and some BTS stuff because I know things too, Ben. This was originally cast with Jimmy and Tommy, with Tommy as Jade and Jimmy as Mai.

Ben

That would have been way better. [laughs] That would have been way better!

NiNi

Hold on. Hold on. Let me finish. While I think that Tommy would have made a better Jade, I actually prefer Tutor’s Mai to what we probably might have gotten out of Jimmy. 

I have a lot of Cheewin feelings about this show, because some of the things that I enjoy about Cheewin is that he likes to examine artifice and performance, and the things that we're hiding when we put on these big personas and personalities. And he explores that through a lot of sometimes-cringey humor, which I really like. It's the Secret Crush on You thing. It's certain parts of Make It Right. It's certain bits of Bed Friend? 

Basically, Cheewin likes to look at artifice and then puncture it. Cheewin likes to look at what makes people present weird and unpack that, and he likes to unpack that using sex because I think that Cheewin thinks—and I kind of agree—that sex is a revelatory experience. I suppose you can hide while you're having sex, but it's incredibly difficult, especially if you feel something for the person that you're having sex with. I personally find it interesting to watch that. 

I think that this show was miscalibrated, and not just in the acting or the tone. Unlike a lot of people, I actually do like cringe humor and some of the slapstick that we get in Thai comedy. I actually enjoy that stuff. It doesn't put me off. I think that the way that Cheewin uses humor in Middleman's Love is way better than how he used it in Bed Friend, and how he built it in Bed Friend. I think that the humor here, the comedy here, has done better. I think that Yim is not great at the comedy, and since Yim's character is the central character of Middleman's Love, it doesn't work. 

Plus, the story doesn't need eight episodes and Ben and I often talk about when something's too long, because I like a long show—Ben does not. This story was eight episodes and I think it could have been done in four. I like parts of the show. I like some of the things that the show is trying to do. I think that it mostly does not succeed.

Ben

Shan, you watched the first episode. [laughs] You were horrified by bobble heads in the intro—

Shan

[moans] I still have nightmares.

Ben

—and the general cringey humor. And then you came back for the finale. How about you talk about your experience with this show?

Shan

Definitely accurate to say that I bounced hard off this show after watching the first episode, and I definitely wasn't alone in that. In talking to other people we know who are watching it, a lot of folks had that reaction. 

NiNi has already touched on why—the humor was not quite calibrated correctly, and the performer who had to hold up the whole show wasn't really up to the task, unfortunately. That's just what happened here. And so, for some of us, I think getting through that super uncomfortable cringe humor with a performer who wasn't quite able to carry it was just really difficult. 

I struggled through the first episode. The bobbleheads really got me off on a terrible start. I hated those fucking things [laughs]—they still haunt me. And just throughout, I didn't really understand what I was supposed to be taking from the way Jade was being presented to me. He didn't feel like a real person. It was way too much. I didn't understand why this hot guy in the office was supposed to be looking at him with interest, given what we had seen of him. It just wasn't computing for me and I wasn't buying it. 

I didn't intend to fully drop the show, but then the following week I left on a long trip. And while I was gone, I missed the next three episodes. By the time I got back, I was just like, “You know what? No, I'm not taking this back up. I'm just gonna wait and see what you all told me after it finished.” And so, I kind of knew the show wasn't for me, but I wasn't opposed to the idea of it. I like an ugly duckling story. I like a story about someone finding their confidence and being able to accept that they are worthy of love. Like, that's a worthwhile story to tell. And so I'm not anti-The Middleman's Love. It just didn't quite work for me. 

The show finished this week. I decided to come back and watch the finale, just to kind of see where it landed, and [laughs] I actually think that was a great way to watch the show. If you, like me, are just not into the show's style and humor, you can watch the first episode and then you can watch the last episode, and you really won't miss any narrative beats—like it's super clear. The plot is very straightforward. You will be able to pick up in the last episode and understand everything important that has happened, and why the characters are where they are now. And you'll get to see Jade and Mai kind of settle into this relationship. 

And I thought that was nice. I enjoyed watching the finale. I liked getting to see a Jade who had seriously toned down some of the quirks of the first episode—a Jade, who seemed a little bit more confident—but still the same character. And I really enjoyed what they did with the physical intimacy in this episode. 

First of all, let me just give a cautionary note. If you are not watching this show on iQIYI, you are not seeing the whole show. I watched the finale on Gaga and got to the end and was like, “Where are these sex scenes that I heard about?”

Ben

The trust that Shan has in me [Shan laughs] she watched the whole show cut and was like, “Ben would never lie to me about sex scenes.”

Shan

You told me there were sex scenes in this!

Ben

“He used the Rihanna GIF. There is sex in the show.” [laughs]

Shan

And I will find it! So I did find it. [NiNi laughs] I went to iQIYI and I found it. So definitely watch it there. 

But I loved what they did with it because they really used the intimacy scenes well to convey these two settling into their relationship to convey Jade over time becoming more comfortable with their physical intimacy—finding his own power in it, finding his own agency in it. The performers did a great job on those scenes. I was incredibly impressed by it, impressed by the show's ability to take those characters from point A to B like that. 

If this show maybe wasn't entirely for you—if you, like me, dropped it in the beginning—I'd say maybe dip back in for the finale and enjoy a good time.

Ben

I like the idea of Jade a lot. I like the idea of a character who's had negative experiences feeling like he doesn't get priority from his family, ‘cause he's not the oldest and he's not the baby, not expecting a whole lot. And I like the idea of Jade having two really fucking hot friends in King and Uea, and just getting used to people being more interested in them, so not really seeing himself as a priority. And then he had like one relationship where he was literally told, “You were so weird and disgusting that no one wants to be with you.” 

I kind of get it with Mai. It structurally works. Mai is very pretty. He's generally very good at his job. He's kind of charming, but not overwhelmingly so. He's just naturally very pretty and nice to people, and fairly amenable and good at what he does. And he's really into Jade because he thought Jade was really kind and competent the first time he saw him. The flavor of this could have been correct, but then, like, they added way too much sugar. It’s just not great as a result. 

It's frustrating because Cheewin's ideas, as they're exemplified through the characters created for this show in Gus and Tong—and what he does with Jade and Mail—work really well. But the show is unfortunately really inessential. The people who watched this show were coming from Bed Friend, and I don't feel like this show really plays well as a Bed Friend extension or side story sort of experience. I think a lot of people brought the wrong energy to this show, and it took us weeks of recalibration to find something meaningful in it. And I don't think it finishes strong, because while I appreciate Cheewin’s giving the gays an extended boyfriend epilogue, an hour of watching people just be kind of cute boyfriends with no real drama on the table is kind of boring to watch in a TV show? And there's way more drama in watching people try to be boyfriends and deal with the consequences of actually being together. 

There's a great moment where they talk about their past exes and what that means for them, what they're bringing to the current relationship. How they want to handle drama going forward. I thought that was really good. I thought the fact that Jade asked for sex was really good, and then he got it. I don't approve of Mai biting that man's motherfucking glasses—

NiNi 

[laughs] I approve!

Ben

—and then tossing them around.

Shan

Ben, he licked his glasses off! Licked! [NiNi laughs] It’s a very important detail! I don't want you to get it wrong!

NiNi

[laughs] Shan, I don't know about you but personally I approve.

Shan

I did approve. I was very into that!

Ben

I actually liked when Mail wore the glasses in the second sex scene we got.

NiNi

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Shan

A lot of good glasses material in these scenes.

NiNi

Top-tier, absolutely no notes, no complaints there, none whatsoever.

Ben

This show was a lot of fun when it wanted to be. And when it wasn't, it kind of sucked. NiNi, you don't spend a lot of time in the pulps, but My Dear Gangster Oppa and Middleman's Love? This is what the pulps are like. There are things that are worth talking about, and then there are things that are not. These shows are almost always kind of bad, but there's kind of something interesting that won't happen in the big network shows.

NiNi

I have been convinced into pulps before. I have enjoyed pulps before. We have discussed this before. I am not opposed to a good pulp, but it's gotta be a good pulp. The flaws of these two shows aside, I had a really good time with them, and I found things not just to enjoy, but also to give me a little bit to think about. Not like a ton to think about, granted, but they give me stuff to think about in both of these shows. And, for me, that's why I landed up more or less in the same place with them. 

I gave Middleman's Love a 7. I think that's a perfectly reasonable score for it.

Ben

I gave this show a 6, not because I think it's bad or necessarily boring, but as I've explained with my rating system before, a 6 means the show is not offensive but I really truly think the only people who gain value from giving this show the eight hours-plus that it asks for is people who really give a shit about BL as a genre.

NiNi

Shan, what about you? How are you rating your short version BL cut?

Shan

I mean, obviously I didn't fully watch the show properly, so take it with a grain of salt, but this feels like a 6 show to me. That's what my heart is telling me it's a six.

NiNi

I will allow y'all to fully average down to 6.5 under protest.

Ben

That's not how math works, but okay.

NiNi

Listen, we gave up on math a long time ago on this show. Okay, just accept it and move on.

Ben

I think 6.5 is fair.

NiNi

If you like cringe comedy, I'm not saying that this show does cringe comedy as well as some other shows have done cringe comedy. And I bring up here Secret Crush on You because it's by the same creator, and it is some pinnacle cringe comedy—like some fantastic cringe comedy—that is just not replicated here. But if you like cringe comedy, there's something in here for you. If you like Thai-style slapstick, there's something in here for you. 

That's all I'll say about it.

01:49:07 - Final Thoughts and Girl, You Tried

Ben

On to the final event: Girl, You Tried Winter 2023.

NiNi

So the Fall shows, there were some that tried and succeeded. They don't count for this award. Bye-bye, two-out-of-three Japanese BLs that we just talked about. So, My Personal Weatherman is in contention for Girl, You Tried.

Ben

Oh, then it wins.

NiNi

[laughs] Let's see what else we have here. We have Kiseki, which didn't try. Shan, do you think that Kiseki tried?

Shan

No, it did not try to be a coherent show. It cannot get the Girl, You Tried.

Ben

Thank you, Shan.

NiNi

So Kiseki is out of contention. Dangerous Romance sucked. It's not in contention for anything. Love in Translation is too good to be in contention for Girl, You Tried—that goes. Absolute Zero? Pfft, forget about it. My Dear Gangster Oppa, it definitely tried something.

Shan

Did it?

NiNi

I think it did. 

Ben

Hmm.

NiNi

Ben really just unmuted just to go “Hmm” and go back on mute. Okay, fine. It's going into contention. And Middleman's Love. I think Middleman's Love did try, and I think that the execution of it was off. Not that it was necessarily bad, but that it was off. So if I had to put a Girl, You Tried contest together right now, it would be between My Personal Weatherman and Middleman's Love. 

So, Shan, for you, very important vote now. My Personal Weatherman versus Middleman's Love for Girl, You Tried.

Shan

Oh, this is a hard one, ‘cause I think of the Girl, You Tried designation as, like, being for a show that got really close to being what it wanted to be—like almost got the execution right and then kind of just missed the mark. So for me, I think I'm going to have to give that to My Personal Weatherman between these two shows. I think it did have ambitions, and I think it did know what it wanted to be with clarity, and it just fell a little short on the execution. Whereas, I think Middleman's Love was a little bit messier and didn't have as clear of a vision of what it was doing?

NiNi

Okay, that's one for My Personal Weatherman. Ben, I already know your answer, but come on. Explain it to the people.

Ben

Hello, people. 

[Ben and NiNi laugh]

So when we were first planning this episode, the Girl, You Tried debate was between My Dear Gangster Oppa and Middleman's Love, but I didn't realize how much I fucking hated My Dear Gangster Oppa until we got here and I was talking about it. And I was, like, “You know what, actually.” 

I would have given it to Middleman's Love because Cheewin was trying to do the things that he likes to do, but now that you put My Personal Weatherman in contention, I gotta give it to that one. I think My Personal Weatherman is trying things that are harder to do than Middleman's Love. I think the ideas of that show are way more cogent, and easier to access and have a conversation about with people than something like Middleman's Love.

NiNi

Okay, so for me, if I had to choose who attempted the higher degree of difficulty, it would be Middleman's Love. It's a high wire act. It's so easy to fall off. If I have to think about who got closer to their intentions, I would say it's My Personal Weatherman. 

Girl, You Tried has a criterion, which is a strong premise with some sort of flaw/failure in the execution. But it has also become somewhat of a personal Rorschach test for us as we go through the shows, and attempt to unpack what it is that we think they did well, what it is we think they did badly, what it is we enjoyed and didn't enjoy. And that enjoyment component does have something to do with how we end up on a Girl, You Tried. 

If they're tied right now based on those other criteria, and I have to think about what I personally enjoyed more, I would have to give it to Middleman's Love. 

Shan and Ben outvote me. Boohoo. I'm gonna go cry about it.

Ben

I don't want to walk away from this particular recording pretending like I don't like Middleman's Love. The spirit inside of it is worth acknowledging.

Shan

I think both of these shows are worthy of talking about as shows that tried to do somethin’. I think for me, My Personal Weatherman just gets a little bit closer there and it's doing a little bit more.

NiNi

I think that's a good place to leave it, so that's going to wrap us up on Tens and Chops, our first ever full grab bag episode. So this is Volume One, hopefully with many more to come. 

Next up, the VIIB Awards. I'm looking forward to that. I'm excited. 

Anyway, we out. Say “bye” to the people, Ben. 

Ben

Peace! 

NiNi

Shan, say “bye” to the people.

Shan

Bye, people.

[angryteapott]

rewatching bits of MLC and I want to say something that shapes my understanding of the relationships of Li Lianhua Fang Duobing and Di Feisheng in the end is I don't think he had to give the flower to the emperor.

Like on many levels I think if he actually asked Minister Fang, you know, the guy with an real grasp in court politics, they could've come up with a different solution. I also honestly think him giving away the flower likely doesn't get them out of the hotseat for long- after all Fang Duobing knows the emperor's worst secret and his father showed a willingness to rebel in order to protect his son. To me giving away the flower has so much ego in it- who's to say this is actually the best solution? But it's the only solution that allows Li Lianhua to quickly and decisively "end" the situation, so it's the route he takes.

Similar things happen with finding the mother bug in the first place- instead of putting in place the oodles of backup they could have access to by talking to his friends, talking to minister fang, making allies with the beast man with beasts, Li Lianhua tries to courtesy warn the palace guard guy p much immediately gives up on the task of convincing him or TELLING HIM WHATS GOING ON ONCE THE BUG GETS GOT sorry sorry thats later and forges ahead with the most independent solution- grab it and yeet because he does what he wants- and lickety split after they find it they give it up and don't own up and try and convince the dudes of the danger. Like all that effort and they essentially hand Shan Gudao a nuke and admit to knowing the one thing that means the emperor pretty much has to kill them in the space of ten seconds because he's uh IN OVER HIS HEAD. Imagine if they had two more guys on the scene. Imagine if they used zhaoling more effectively by telling her whats up so they have better excuses to be places and back up from the dowager au where the girls in the harem use that passage all the time so they mention it and she goes oh yeah i know where that is and they have an extra day to power wash the walls They didn't even have a way to deal with the bug in the first place surely a better way would've been to contact their political allies and get the other guys out of the palace or spend more time trapping the old guard so they have more room to rumble like literally just POISON HIM FOR A BIT AND PUT UR GUY IN PLACE but no Li Lianhua loves lying investigating and being right in the thick of it so that's what they do even tho get the bug first is the worst plan ever when ur stuck in the palace no troops no way to destroy it no nothing at the time i complained that that plotline was idiotic and it is! But it's great writing because it's in character! BECAUSE LI LIANHUA IS BEING AN IDIOT! I GET YOU THINK UR ALMIGHTY BECAUSE JUST RIDE HAS ALWAYS WORKED BEFORE BUT ITS NO LONGER JUST ABOUT YOU!!!!

And same with the flower what now babe the emperor still knows the fangs know stuff they shouldn't and guess what the goodwill from saving his life doesn't mean jack shit like what now hm? Hmmmmm? The succession isn't even certain what stability things are bigger than you can chew alone

So yeah I don't think his one man plan was the only way or even a particularly good one, and I also doubt he'd let the Fangs die even if the flower had accidentally gotten eaten by hulijing or something. I think giving it away "to save someone" was making decisions on other people's behalf that he has no right to make and the only one that's squarely in his corner is "do I want to take this very painful treatment with a low chance of working?" But that's not a decision he wants to admit he has. The inevitable tragedy he's built in his own mind is just chalk lines he treats as mountains so he doesn't have to look his own desires in the eye

[birgittesilverbae]

“i like it like this. just the two of us.” - Shannary

Shannon sits cross-legged on the bench, her sketchbook open on her knee, her gaze torn between Antequera below her and the girl next to her. Mary has a book balanced on her own knee, a palm-sized spiral bound notebook that she's tilted just far enough away that Shannon wouldn't be able to catch a glimpse of the pages, even if she'd wanted to. Not that she's about to try. Just as Shannon has no intentions of flipping the pages of her sketchbook open and placing them in Mary's lap, so too does Mary deserve the privacy afforded by Shannon's lack of a wandering eye. 

Shannon wonders, though, whether Mary's contains the same secrets as her own. Whether she could flip through Mary's notebook and find echoes of herself haunting its pages. Matching pairs to the curves of hands and wrists, the slopes of shoulders, the shadows of jawlines that dot her sketchbook. Scattered fragments that, if combined into their whole, would lay Shannon bare as an autopsy. Ribs cracked open, spread wide, heart pried out of her chest cavity to be weighed and measured. 

"You okay?"

It's years of dedicated training that keep her sketchbook in hand and not flying across the hilltop. As it is, she knocks her tin of charcoal pencils off her other knee when she startles. "Yeah, I'm good," she blusters, dropping into a deep squat to gather them up.

Mary's fingers catch her under the chin, tilt her face up. "How many times have I told you you don't have to bullshit with me, Shan?"

"Always one too few," she admits readily, then winces. Trust those words to stick in her tongue across all these years. Always one too few of everything that her father had thought necessary to force her to fall in line. 

Mary nudges her with the toe of her boot. "There's something on your mind."

"I'm working it out," she replies, gathering the last of the pencils back into the tin and standing tall. She raises her hands above her head, arches her back, releases a groan at the comfort that follows her vertebrae crackling.

Mary stares up at her, lips parted, something foreign and dangerous in her gaze. She pokes the tip of her tongue between her teeth. "Give me something, Shan, otherwise I might start to worry it's me."

"It's not you."

"Gotta call bullshit on that."

"I'm not sure what you mean."

"You've been pulling away from me." 

Shannon widens her eyes, makes a show of sweeping a hand around to gesture at the hilltop, vacant but for them.

Mary kicks her in the ankle. "You know what I mean."

Shannon drops back onto the bench, leans forward and braces her forearms on her thighs. She very carefully does not look at Mary. "I like it like this. Just the two of us."

Mary raps her knuckles against the side of Shannon's thigh. "I do too, Shan."

"It's easier this way."

"It doesn't have to be hard," Mary says softly. Her hand lands on Shannon's shoulder, a branding iron burning the shape of her palm into Shannon's skin. "Having friends."

Shannon buries her face in her hands. "I don't want to be your friend," she chokes out. "Or, I do, but–"

Mary's thumb brushes across the curve of her scapula. Shannon has to strain herself in order to not lean into the touch. "It doesn't have to be hard having more, then."

"Doesn't it?"

Mary huffs a laugh, soft and warm. "No, sweetheart." Her free hand cups Shannon's jaw, and she tilts Shannon's face towards her. "It's as easy as anything." Her fingers are gentle on Shannon's skin. "As simple as this." Her touch is searing hot. "May I kiss you?"

Shannon thinks she nods. Maybe. Probably. But Mary waits until she can form a "Yes".

There's a scrape across the bridge of Mary's nose. Shannon goes cross-eyed looking at it, trying to puzzle out its source while Mary leans in.

Mary has always been restrained with her, always simmering on the edge of a rolling boil, and when she kisses Shannon, Shannon can feel that same energy roiling under Mary's skin. Her hands stutter, reach out, cradle Mary's neck as Mary–

As Mary pulls back?

Mary's wearing her usual wry smile, the one she always dons when she knows something that Shannon's clueless about, but there's a raggedness at its edges. "You good, Shan?"

"Huh?"

"Just wondering if you were ever gonna get around to kissing me back, or…"

"Oh." Her fingertips have found a home tracing the bow of her lips as she tries to pick apart the static that's taken hold of her. "I don't know," she admits, her brow furrowing. 

Mary taps the back of her hand against Shannon's elbow. "Okay, sweetheart. It's okay. That's okay. That's alright." And, as if she hasn't just blown the ground out from beneath Shannon's feet, she takes up her notebook and pen again and returns to writing.

[spicypussywave]

(long) intro post

you can call me naomi and this is mainly a bl blog. don't wanna mention my age but i am. young

i'm more of a casual watcher. no metas but i do live-blog sometimes. i don't get obsessed easily. or for too long. until perthchimon

on that note. DNF if you hate perth and chimon, individually or as a ship. and krist perawat (don't stan him but i do have a soft spot for that man i stan him now 🤦🏻) reading this post about him would be nice if you still believe he's problematic.

this is not a pc focused blog, but i do mention them often. they're my babies since dangerous romance lol hope that won't annoy you

my main thai ships currently are kanghansailom (dr), chopperben (nlmg) and kongart (sotus).

i cuss sometimes and don't tag tw. lmk if you need me to

i also gif sometimes so if you've got any request, drop an ask. doesn't have to be a show i'm watching <3

shows/ships that got to me:

dangerous romance (thai bl)

chopper/ben (thai bl nlmg)

kongart (thai bls sotus, sotus s, our skyy)

bad buddy (thai bl)

kawi/pisaeng (thai bl bmf)

the guest (kdrama)

beyond evil (kdrama)

devil judge (kdrama)

destiel (spn)

my beautiful man (jpn bl)

tian/shan (19 days manhua)

girl from nowhere (thai drama)

death note (anime)

to my star (k bl)

wave wasuthorn (thai, the gifted)

stuilly (scream 1996)

dan (thai, the player)

+

shows i'm watching: (expect live blogs)

23.5 degrees (on hold)

watching once brain allows me to:

we are

my stand in

+

currently obsessing over:

yothagun....

[lil0-0blume]

I want to learn how to make edits because I have a list of Lana del Rey songs for every couple that I ship on the mxtx universe (and also for characters alone) but I don’t even know how to start… 🫠🫠

(I already edited before but only some silly things 😭😭)

List of the couples here if anyone is interested:

- HuaLian: Young and Beautiful (Classic, romantic, them)

-Wangxian: Summetime sadness (pls don’t kill me)

-Bingqiu: ArtDeco (like… the vibe?? Just-)

-Moshang: Playing Dangerous (For me, Sqh flirting is something like this -when he’s not afraid ofc)

-Beefleaf: Freak (trust meeee)

-YinZhen: Sad Girl (I’m not afraid to speak the word!!)

-XueXiao: Dark Paradise (Literally died for then, my Roman Empire)

-YueJiu: Cinnamon Girl (the definition of deserved better)

-FengQing: Diet Mountain Dew (THEM. JUST THEM.)

-Bingjiu: Ultraviolence (Got the hots for them but they also deserved better, to god -mxtx- they weren’t her favorite at all lol)

-JunMei: Fishtail (“this is an work of art” seriously, the “You’ll braid my hair” is literally how I envision them in the future, healing, together)

-Niecest: Lust for life (Like you heard that??? The “but my boyfriend’s back… and he’s cooler than ever…” - You cannot convince me otherwise it isn’t them!!!!)

List for the characters:

Binghe: Jealous girl (he was the easiest one for me and I don’t have to explain myself… BE AGGRESSIVE BE- )

Hua Cheng: Cherry (It just reminds me of him!! He really does fall to pieces many times on the story, literally, psychologically and emotionally, in good and bad ways…)

Lan Wangji: Serial killer/Happiness is a butterfly (Suprised for the first one?? Well, for me it’s about the intensity in his love, the type of doing anything and everything for the one he loves… I swear he’s just so dramatic and its just captures his teen phase of ‘first love and I don’t know what to do about it so I’ll just fantasy’ About the second… His time with his love in the first live was short and not completely well lived with so much problems and yet, and yet… he found happiness, also the “if he’s a serial killer than what’s the worst” just fits with the fact that he did in fact tried to save Wwx even against all the things others talked about him, regardless of the truth, he does what he needs to for who he needs… “Looking into his eyes I think he’s already hurt” IM SO SORRY I CANT LIE)

Shen Jiu: Born to die (like I’m not even trying to hurt anyone here but I know it hurts…)

Shen Qingqiu: Doin Time (Why?? Like, “the living is ease” vibe and the sudden “I’ve come to tell you that she’s evil” just reminds me to much of the fact that he’s the “villain”!! And I just imagined the “Louie” in the song as Sqh so much anyway)

Xie Lian: Brooklyn Baby (I don’t think I have to explain this one also right… the fans go “Yeah my boyfriend’s pretty cool… but he’s not as cool as me…” and also, “Baby I’m a gangsta too and takes two the tango” gets me thinking of two different sceneries, a dance with Hua Cheng as his flower and a dance with words representing his martial god nature)

Wei Wuxian: Salvatore (Salvatore is just him, really, the vibe of, like, even if you’re being murdered, you’re smiling and you’re smiling cause you know that, some way, you’ve just fucking won, of being on a serious situation and taking it lightly because is just his way to do things but at same time not as a mockery or a joke to all the suffering, the pain, but rather, an acceptance with a smile… oh gosh what a ride)

Mobei Jun: Black Beauty (like referring to a cold, untouchable beauty like himself, because honestly, life is beautiful but it took a while for him to see the colors but he managed to find his light, or, his “sparrow blue”…)

Shan Qinghua: Meet me at the pale moonlight (I swear, even if doesn’t make sense, for me, his “pale moonlight” is Mobei Jun… but seriously?? The “I’m the sweetest girl in town so why are you so mean?” part FR FR WTH that’s his life you’re singing about Lana)

Xue Yang: Blue Jeans (“Love’s mean… and love hurts” to “I’ll love till the end of times… I’ll wait a million years” is honestly just what he did and also that slightly possessive part “promise you’ll remember that you’re mine” inspired by his insecurities and regrets, only because he was afraid to lose him… couldn’t get any sadder)

Xiao Xingchen: Margaret (In another word yes, yes it could get sadder… He’s just so good… “It kind makes me laugh”, Ah I just keep reminding that scene where he’s with XY, laughing because he’s the easy laugh type of person… And also the “the soul that you bring to the table” I just like to interpret that in a way that he made a family out a villain and homeless distrusting girl and that the “soul” spoken off on the song it’s theirs, how they find “soul” in there, in themselves, in each other…)

Anyway

…Any tips on video edition…? 👀👀

[sullustangin]

Fluffy February Day 7: Recovery

SWTOR

Pairing: Theron/Eva, estranged; Risha Drayen and Eva Corolastor, besties;

Time: Shortly after Nathema, as Eva goes on walkabout for 3 months with the Thief and her crew after rejecting Theron's first attempt at a proposal

CW: mention of unintentional anorexia and Risha's rather abrasive affection

~~

“Didn’t know they made bikinis in size ‘skeleton’.”  Risha didn’t even flip her sunglasses up as Eva finally arrived at her reserved deck chair.

“I can always leave –”

“Don’t you dare.”  Risha put aside her magazine to prop herself up on her elbows.  “You’ve been gone for six months… and we’ve only had you back for a year and a half.  Sit down.”  Now Risha tipped her glasses down her nose to look at the thinner-than-ever pale frame.  “And I will bully you back to good health.”

Eva let out a humorless “heh,” a noise Risha had grown to miss in the years lost, and she did settle down on her deck chair.

They’d finally made it to Spira, like they’d planned after Ziost.  It took until after Nathema, after the crisis had passed, after the Voidhound had left…but they had made it.  And now there was the question as to whether Eva would go back to being just a smuggler, just Captain…just herself now it was all over.

'It' being the command of the Eternal Fleet.  The Alliance, possibly.

Now it was question of recovery for Eva, how wasted she had become by the stress, the despair, the …  the final war with the Voidhound, Risha supposed.  They didn’t know the creature they’d made while playing dress up right before the King’s Ransom job would go so far, so fast. 

But Eva was here, right now, more than she had been in months. 

There was a silence that was not fraught with tension or fear, as the Voidhound silent was a dangerous thing.  No, it was just them, two friends, sunning themselves (wearing the appropriate UV protection) in the luxury resort and having carefree lives – at least for a little while – again. 

Risha kept an ear out for Eva, even as she started to doze in the sun. 

The voice finally came.  “Akaavi once said, ‘Your taste for spies is not for the weak.’  Sort of been haunting me.”

“Sort of?” Risha stirred to full wakefulness at that statement. 

“Ehh.”

Risha rolled to her stomach, and Eva followed her lead.  Risha had timed her tanning sessions to perfection, and Eva trusted her judgment.  “They gather intel, they can lie, and they don’t always let you in on it.”

“But they aren’t the same –” came the protest.

“Are they?” Risha asked.  She wanted to hear her say it.

…because Risha wanted her to be happy.  And Theron Shan was it, or nothing would ever be.

Their agent bought him time and space, but Eva had to come the rest of the way.

Eva finally replied, “He did all it for me.  Then he asked me to marry him.”  The shoulders rose and fell slightly.  “I don’t know if … I don’t know if I am that person.  Still am… or ever was.”

Then Eva propped her face up on her hands.  “I’ve been the Captain since I was 16, and I don’t even know if I’m still listed as Baby Girl Corolastor on my chaincode.” 

Risha turned her head to look at Eva.  Her face was gaunt, though with a little more color in it than had been in months.  “Who the hell am I anyway?  After running an identity con since birth, thanks to Ma?” 

…Risha had always known things cut deeper with Eva; she wasn’t some vapid spacer.  How deep –

“…we could go back into business.  See what you’re actually made of.  Because you can do it all – we know that now.”  Risha pillowed her head on her bicep as she rotated a little more to lie on her side – she’d roll back to her belly so the tan wouldn’t be weird later, in a minute.  “But it's a question of what you like doing.  If that’s you or…someone you became a long time ago.”  A few beats.  “But you should be aware that you’re not getting rid of me so easily, whoever the hell you are, Eva.  Baby.  Whatever.”

The girls’ laughter caused Bowdaar to look up from his holonovel across the pool from them.  He considered it for a few moments, then picked up the ship’s holocam to snap a still. 

As mad as he was with Spike, he did deserve proof of life once in a while.

And Eva was more alive than she had been, in a while. 

~~

@fluffyfebruary

[greyias]

Constellations from the One Word Prompts :D

 If someone's only exposure to the life of a spy came from action-packed, high-octane holodramas, they might have a mistaken impression that it is a life filled with glamour and intrigue, with dangerous liaisons with seductive individuals from the farthest constellations of the galaxy.

These people would be wrong.

“Oh, no you don’t!” Theron grabbed the Wookiee’s hairy foot just before she could clamber into the air vent that he’d been eyeing as part an elaborate fantasy to escape his current hell. “And for the last time, Vrack, you’re not supposed to climb the walls.”

She let out an indignant series of growls in Shyriiwook, but he didn’t care. If he couldn’t leave, the Force be damned if anyone else was. 

He was Theron Shan, intergalactic super spy, founding member of the Alliance, savior of the Republic many times over. And now he’d been reduced to this: incompetent babysitter of what had to be the rowdiest and most ill-behaved group of school children in the entire universe. 

Oh, according to the paperwork, Class 5A-B7 were all star students from Coruscant’s most prestigious primary school who had performed so well on their exams that they’d won a class trip to tour the Gav Daragon, personally helmed by their personal hero, the beautiful, brave, famous Commander of the Eternal Alliance as part of a PR event the Republic was putting on to gin up morale as the war with the Sith Empire ground on. Unfortunately for everyone involved, she had been called away on an urgent mission for the Republic just as the class had been boarding the shuttle for the Gav Daragon. Somehow, in the chaos of the crying children, Theron had been nominated to take her place.

And now chaos reigned.

Theron blamed Jonas Balkar. He didn’t know how exactly, but he was certain his former partner and now the Alliance’s frequent liaison had somehow pulled some nebulous strings to put him in this position.

The teacher, a kindly old Ithorian teacher, had peeled off to take the little Twi’lek boy with a bladder the size of a koja nut to the bathroom. It had to have been the fifth time the kid had to pee, and would have been concerning if Theron didn’t have his hands full trying to keep the remaining dozen children from killing themselves the moment their teacher’s back was turned.

It had started with Klee Khze, the nine-year-old Rodian girl who had apparently stolen a stealth field belt from one of her parents and smuggled it in. She was now using it to pop in and out of sight, sneaking up on her classmates and destealthing in right in their faces in order to make them shriek at the top of their lungs. She would make an excellent SIS agent one day.

At least she was staying with the class. Theron had somehow lost sight of the little Pantoran kid, Dva Shek, and had been trying to not panic as he peeked around the museum’s large exhibits to find where he’d wandered off to, when out of the corner of his eye, the tiny Zabrak child had inconceivably clambered up onto the platform in the center of the room that was three times his tiny size, and was climbing into the cockpit of a shuttle that had been parked on display.

“What are you—” Theron was forced to abandon his hold on Vrack as he raced across the room. “Kerrah, get down from there!”

Like the rest of the pack of brats, Kerrah paid him no heed, and had clambered into the cockpit, her tiny hands nimbly dancing across the controls. Time seemed to move almost in slow motion as the once best operative in the SIS, and now the galaxy’s worst babysitter, leapt high just as the engines from the old shuttle hummed to life and started to slowly rise from the platform. 

Theron heard a different child let out an undignified squeal of fright as he awkwardly half-landed on the still lowered boarding ramp chest-first. Air whooshed out of his lungs as his fingers wrapped around the edge of the boarding ramp and painfully pulled himself the rest of the way onboard. Behind him, another child, it could have been Klee, let out a whoop of delight.

There was no time for him to either catch his breath, nor find any small solace that at least now the children were finding him interesting enough to actually cheer for, as he scrambled to his feet and lurched towards the cockpit. He staggered as the plating beneath his feet shuddered and managed to get into the cockpit just as another panel lit up brightly.

“Kerrah, no!”

The Zabrak shot him a toothy grin, finger hovering over a red button. “Kerrah, yes!”

He tried, he really did, but she was too fast for him, and before he could snatch her hand away from it, she was able to let off a small volley of missiles from the display unit. A small but noticeable explosion echoed throughout the room as the missiles blew a hole in the wall beyond them.

It was a minor miracle that wall just led to the back halls of the museum, and not the vacuum of space.

By the time Theron had got the small shuttle landed and firmly march Kerrah back out to the rest of her classmates, she was still grinning triumphantly. The stunt had apparently impressed Klee, who became visible long enough to give her fellow troublemaker a well-deserved high five, and whatever compliment she was giving Kerrah was being drowned out by the hysterical sobbing of Vell Zud, the timid Bothan boy who was now convinced they were all going to be sucked out into space.

“Mister Theron!” A reedy voice called, somehow pitching their voice higher than Vell’s wails. “Mister Theron, I need some help!”

O what fresh hell is this? Theron thought grimly to himself as he turned to locate the source of the voice, and sadly, was not disappointed with what he saw.

“Ravo,” he yelled as he once again found himself racing back across the expanse of this room of nightmares that was cleverly disguised as a museum, “how the fuck did you get behind that force field?”

Somewhere, a child gasped at the profanity coming from their chaperone.

“I dunno.” The Mikkian shrugged her pink shoulders as she tapped the giant Cormium Crystal next to her. “But the door behind me closed when Kerrah tried to kill us all with that missile.”

“I did not!” The indignant cry came from across the room, barely audible over the terrified keening that hadn’t stopped. “It was an accident!”

Theron pinched the bridge of his nose, exhaling a deep breath as he tried to gather the frayed edges of his dwindling patience. “I just need you all to stop doing everything for five seconds so I can think—”

Before he could finish that thought, a loud, whooping cry drowned him out, and as one, the room’s occupants looked up in confusion to see a tiny blue Pantoran dragging a massive dodecahedron glowing metal cube behind him. “Can you believe I just found this datacron in the back halls? It’s super heavy and was really hard to get across that giant chasm — why do they even have giant death pits here? It’s so unsafe! Luckily, I just so happened to have a MGGS and was able to grapple…”

There wasn’t even time to process the absolute insanity of that, before his attention was grabbed by the sound of the lift heralding the arrival of several new figures. From the hulking figure of the museum’s security guard, to the absolutely puzzled expression of the teacher and the student she was escorting, as they took in the rampant destruction that had happened in the fifteen minutes that Theron had been left to watch the kids.

Somewhere behind him, a sharp clang echoed as a piece of twisted metal fell from the wall where it had been hanging precariously after the missile strike. That was the precise moment where he gained an acute understanding of what it must have felt like to be Ngani Zho all of those years ago, having to deal with an equally precocious child.

"Look, there's a good explanation for all of this."

It was late, much later than she had anticipated, when Grey had managed to find a moment to herself to try to hopefully salvage the situation with the class trip. The shattered and crestfallen looks on all the children’s faces when she’d had to leave had been absolutely heart wrenching. But like clockwork, Theron had swooped in to help, agreeing to take her place. Her hero, always and forever.

As exhausted as she was after rescuing Arn and addressing the crisis on Manaan, and still trying to shove down the dread at what she might find once she reached Elom, Grey still summoned a convincing enough smile into place as she dialed the frequency of Miss Chobbets’s holocomm hoping that maybe a few words from her would help ease any lingering hurt feelings. 

The elderly Ithorian's face shimmered into life over the holo, and she held up two silent fingers to her twin mouths, a wry smile creeping across her features. Without a word, she swiveled the camera to show a view of the school's shuttle, and Grey's own strained smile melted into something far more genuine.

Tucked away in the back of the shuttle was Theron, his head drooped in slumber as an entire gaggle of exhausted schoolchildren snuggled up to him. The little Wookiee let out a loud snore, but the rest of the group didn't seem to rouse.

"I take it they had a good time?" she asked quietly.

"Oh, very much so," Miss Chobbet said quietly.

"I am glad," Grey replied. "Do pass on my apologies to the class again. Perhaps once this situation is dealt with, we could reschedule another trip."

"Oh, that won't be necessary," Miss Chobbet rumbled. "We're all barred from ever returning to the museum, anyway."

"Wait, what?"

"Don't worry, it's not important," the Ithorian continued. "Although would Mister Theron be available to chaperone future trips? The children seem quite taken with him."

As she watched the wavering image of her slumbering husband and his napping charges, hear heart melted just a little more. When faced with a scene like this, how could she argue? "Of course… just promise to take a holo of this for me."

[shynmighty]

All my SWTOR OCs (so far)

Because I love them. Also! I’m always down to talk OCs and answer questions, but am terrible at initiating conversations! And if you play on the Star Forge server and happen to bump into any of these guys, feel free to say hi!

Warning! Long, rambling post is long and rambling. 😅

EDIT: Added in the newest additions and updated the Dark Silverblade Universe!

AEONY SILVERBLADE Jedi Knight (Guardian) Aeony can come off as cold or aloof at first. In truth, she carefully controls her emotions in accordance with her somewhat rigid interpretation of the Jedi code. A second generation Jedi, her proficiency for lightsaber combat is matched by a powerful sensitivity to the Force. Aeony is (perhaps a little unfairly) critical of her Jedi mother’s decision to raise a family in secret. Once she became a Jedi herself, she dedicated her life to the Order and swore to uphold the Jedi code to the letter. These deeply held beliefs were shaken when she fell in love with her former nemesis, Arcann, and began a romantic relationship with him.

---

FALX SILVERBLADE Sith Inquisitor (Assassin) Aeony’s younger sister. Their home was attacked when both girls were still quite young, resulting in the death of their mother. Aeony escaped the destruction, but Falx was not so lucky -- she was captured by the Sith and sold as a slave. She remembers little of her former life, but the scars she bears from a life in slavery don’t vanish so easily. After displaying proficiency in the Force, Falx was sent to Korriban where she excelled. Dangerously unstable and vicious, Falx found her way to a seat on the Dark Council not long thereafter. Nowadays her marriage to Theron Shan tempers some of her more unpredictable characteristics, but she’s always prepared to remind anyone who doubts it of exactly how deadly she can be.

---

AESECA SILVERBLADE Jedi Consular (Sage) The youngest of Aeony’s sisters, Aeseca was little more than a baby when their home was attacked, and does not remember any of that horrific event. Her entire life, as she remembers it, was lived in the Jedi Order. Aeseca grew up worshipful of her eldest sister and her accomplishments, wishing to someday match them with her own. Although this outwardly looks like ambition, a deeply seeded sense of inferiority is closer to the truth. Despite her own impressive achievements, Aeseca constantly compares herself to Aeony, and only time will tell if she can learn to accept herself.

---

CHRYSANDER Jedi Knight (Sentinel) Chrysander grew up an orphan in the same Jedi Enclave as Aeony and Falx, and was more or less an adopted big brother. After the Enclave was razed by the Sith, he was separated from the Silverblade family and spent a number of years surviving on his wits alone. He later decided to return to the Jedi and complete his training, reuniting with Aeony much later when they were both Jedi Knights. Chrysander’s sense of humor often clashes with his steadfast Jedi persona. He is immensely fond of his Sith girlfriend, Lana Beniko, as well as his beloved pet grophet, Otis. He’s still working on getting them to be fond of each other.

---

TAIJAX Jedi Consular (Shadow) Taijax was another orphan child from the Jedi Enclave. As a boy, he was frequently seen trailing after Chrysander and the girls, eager to join in their games. Little is known of his origins, although he vaguely recalls being shunned by the Chiss for his early force sensitivity. He holds no grudges, however, and was more than happy to continue his life in service to the Jedi. His personality can best be described as “mystical”. He is studious, patient and sometimes annoyingly considerate.

---

VHESPASIAN SILVERBLADE (AKA CIPHER NINE) Imperial Agent (Sniper) Unbeknownst to Aeony and Fhalx, there is a whole Imperial branch of their family, presided over by an enigmatic Sith grandfather! After his parents were killed in a skirmish with Jedi, Vhespasian was left behind and raised by said grandfather. When it became clear that he displayed no proficiency in the Force, Vhespasian joined Imperial Intelligence. A chronic overachiever and effortless diplomat, Vhespasian is known to go out of his way to solve his problems with charm rather than his rifle. If the situation requires the rifle, however, he happens to be uncannily proficient with that, too.

---

AEIRYSS SILVERBLADE Trooper (Vanguard/Operative) Vhespasian’s elder sister developed a distaste for Imperial culture early. When the Jedi defeated her Sith parents, Aeiryss implored them to take her with them. Leaving behind her brother and grandfather as a young child, she was adopted by a Republic family on Coruscant and enlisted in the military when she came of age. Stubborn, courageous, and patriotic, Aeiryss quickly rose through the ranks and became the leader of Havoc Squad.  

---

AECENITH SILVERBLADE Bounty Hunter (Mercenary) Aeiryss’s twin sister does not share her misgivings about the Empire and decided to remain with her family... At least for the time being. Truthfully, she doesn’t care about the Empire at all. She was happy enough to mooch off her grandfather’s fortune until she came of age and struck out on her own. With only some armor and a pair of trusty blasters, Aecenith decided that the life of a Bounty Hunter was her calling. But where others see a spoiled rich kid playing at hunting bounties, Aecenith does adhere to a sense of honor, even if few understand it. Her path leads her to become a Mandalorian, which gives her a sense of purpose beyond herself.

---

THE DARK SILVERBLADE UNIVERSE

This is an AU I created in which Aeony is killed during the attack on her home and the changes that take place in that event. Without Aeony, things wind up a little different!

AEMBER SILVERBLADE Smuggler (Operative) In this timeline, Falx (whose name at birth was Aember) becomes a smuggler, and ends up the Alliance Commander instead. Although she was still captured by slavers as a child, the slavers were attacked by pirates. Intrigued by her unlikely rescuers, Aember decided against returning home and joined the crew. Spending her life in the underworld, she honed her unconventional skill in combat, carefully concealing her ability in the Force. Eventually left the pirates to strike out on her own as a smuggler. That, of course, brought its own problems.

---

DARK CHRYSANDER (KHRYSANDER) Sith Inquisitor (Marauder) Like Aember, in this timeline things go a bit differently for Chrysander. Instead of Falx, he was the one who wound up being enslaved. The trauma and abuse drove him to the Dark Side, and he spent most of his life imprisoned and partially feral. Released by the Emperor’s mandate that more recruits be sent to Korriban, Chrysander was given the chance to prove himself as a Sith, and found himself the apprentice of Lord Zash. He still loves grophets. He just also loves murder and mayhem.

---

DARK VHESPASIAN (VHESPASIEN) Sith Warrior (Assassin) In this universe, Vhespasian wound up being Force sensitive after all! This changes his worldview, of course. The morality he would find otherwise is replaced with self-entitlement and an appetite for destruction. This is tempered only by a strong appreciation of Sith culture which lends itself to an honor code that only Vhespasian seems to understand. Earning his grandfather’s favor, he is proudly sent to Korriban, where he promptly excels and becomes the apprentice of Darth Baras... and later the Emperor’s Wrath.

---

That’s the gang! Hope you enjoyed! 😊 

[lingshanhermit]

Ling Shan Hermit: When the Devil Whispers in Your Ear

In Charlie Chaplin's 1921 cinematic gem, "The Kid," there unfolds a scene of intrigue: Chaplin finds himself in the midst of a dream, one where he has ascended to a paradise-like domain. Here, joy permeates every corner, song and dance are the order of the day, and all the inhabitants are adorned with angelic wings. Alas, this idyllic period is ephemeral. As the heavenly gatekeeper succumbs to sleep, devils stealthily infiltrate the blissful crowd, awaiting opportunities to stir trouble.

A young couple arrives on this stage. The young man temporarily departs, leaving the girl alone. Chaplin, who is seated not far off, watches this scene unfold. One of the devils spots the girl and discerns her underlying desire — an ambition to validate her charm. Taking advantage of her vulnerable state, he whispers sweet nothings into her ear, instigating her to attempt to seduce Chaplin. Initially, Chaplin seems resilient, immune to the girl's advances. Yet, the devil is equally adept at understanding the desires that stir within a man's heart. A few whispers into Chaplin's ear are all it takes to fan the flames of desire within him. Falling prey to the devil's machinations, he begins pursuing the girl. What transpires henceforth is far from the beautiful narrative that preceded it.

You see, this is the quintessential process of our fall from grace. As our mindfulness starts to wane, the devil seizes the opportunity to infiltrate our psyche. When we embark upon our journey of spiritual cultivation, the devil frequently whispers into our ears — words that only we can hear. "Why exert yourself so?" he'd coax, "You can afford to slacken your pace, take a breather." "What harm could a small deviation do?" he'd encourage, "You can always repent afterward." "You are truly remarkable," he'd flatter, "You've managed to see through my deception. You're incredibly astute." And most dangerously, "You're undertaking this for the sake of the Dharma, not for personal gratification." Once you start believing these whispers, the seeds of your downfall have already been sown.

There was a time when I basked in an aura of self-contentment, the world seemingly favoring me with all its bounties. Everything was mine for the taking, life was simply splendid. Gradually, I began to let down my guard, my former diligence replaced by complacency. The devil had started whispering into my ear. As I allowed myself to relax, to enjoy the 'fruits' of my spiritual endeavors, certain aspects of my life began to lose their firm footing. It was not until certain events transpired that I was jolted awake, leading me to the stark realization that the period I had once considered my golden era was, in fact, the true obstacle in my path.

What do we conventionally perceive as obstacles? Losing a job, or a partner leaving us for someone else? The genuine hurdles are often those that lull us into a false sense of comfort. It's akin to lying in a warm bathtub, a state of drowsy contentment. Those incidents that jolt us out of this cozy complacency can indeed be the most sublime blessings. Certain occurrences have the potential to shatter your illusions, to yank you out from the warm bathtub and thrust you into the harsh Arctic blizzard. Such experiences can be the most extraordinary blessings. Of course, it's understandable that not many would welcome such 'blessings'.

There was a period in my life where I encountered what I'll refer to, for now, as 'obstacles'. At the time, I genuinely perceived them as hurdles. Most people would probably agree with that sentiment. Yet, it was these very impediments that prompted me to take a long, hard look at myself: I must have erred somewhere, somehow, to have arrived at this juncture. I began examining my thoughts, words, and actions, rectifying my behaviors, and renouncing certain activities. If such challenges lead you to genuinely scrutinize and transform yourself, they ought to be regarded as blessings. However, we often find ourselves in a hurry to escape these blessings. Subconsciously, we yearn for a life devoid of disruptions, akin to luxuriating in a bathtub filled with warm water. We are reluctant to weather storms.

To extricate ourselves from such situations, we engage in various spiritual practices, praying to our gurus in the hope of restoring normalcy, of returning to the comforting warmth of our metaphorical bathtub. Most people would not readily admit that they undertake spiritual practices with such mundane objectives in mind. They deceive themselves. More likely, it's because they never really find the time to introspect deeply. A superficial approach to spiritual cultivation seldom provides the opportunity to glimpse one's true inner state.

Upon closer introspection, it's clear how dearly we cherish our cycle of existence, or samsara. We strive to preserve and renovate it, hoping to erect a refuge through Buddhism where we can temporarily escape the harsh realities of samsara. This essentially defines our spiritual cultivation. Do you offer daily prayers to your guru? What do your prayers encompass? Health, wealth, the affection of those you are fond of? Perhaps a promotion or raise at work? Are these not efforts to refurbish your samsara?

Would you ever pray to your guru for a complete loss of your possessions? Certainly not. If you were to lose a considerable sum of money on the stock market, you'd undoubtedly perceive it as an obstacle. You would be filled with worry and distress, but never would you joyously ring up your guru, exclaiming, "Wonderful! I've lost so much money! Thank you for your blessings." Instead, you would likely spend more money seeking the prayers and blessings of monks in an effort to recover your lost fortune.

Generally speaking, when everything is going smoothly, we lack the motivation for self-examination. An absence of difficulties does not aid you in understanding the nature of samsara. On the contrary, it immerses you deeper into it. Those events that help you truly recognize samsara and understand yourself are often the ones you dislike. When such incidents occur, we typically label them as obstacles. We categorize those experiences that disrupt our comfortable cycle of existence as hindrances. We resist them, strive to keep them at bay, hoping that with the prayers and blessings of monks, these misfortunes (yes, we refer to these blessings as misfortunes) will swiftly pass.

We crave a state where everything is under control, where life is serene and carefree, where we luxuriate in the warmth of our metaphorical bathtub. We resent being yanked out from this comforting warmth and thrust into a stormy blizzard. Yet, the most genuine blessings often manifest in exactly this manner.

As Chögyam Trungpa Rinpoche once said, "The duty of a Dharma protector is to ensure you're on the correct path; if you deviate, they will guide you back." I may not remember his exact words, but the sentiment remains the same. Buddhist practice is not entirely a self-driven journey. For certain practitioners who meet the prerequisites, Dharma protectors are constantly vigilant, much like a shepherd overseeing his sheep. Unless you're entirely abandoned, they will in various ways make you aware of your missteps. They will shake you vigorously, until you awaken.

Yet, we often misconstrue such harsh awakenings as obstacles. When confronted with such "obstacles," we are prone to fear and concentrate exclusively on self-preservation. It is when I begin to defend myself that real obstacles emerge. I lose sight of my original intent. You too may lose sight of your grand objective, your bodhicitta, in the throes of self-preservation. Your sole aim becomes self-protection, returning your surroundings to normalcy, making everything seem under control, making everything look alright. During this process, your grand aspirations are eroded away. You begin to focus only on yourself. You start concerning yourself with the minor things, like a general meant to command thousands of troops, but now reduced to brawling with foot soldiers. Your focus is scattered, your attention diverted. You start defending a non-existent self, and it's these actions that disrupt your spiritual practice.

As a practitioner, you'll encounter numerous obstacles. Some are readily recognizable, others are more elusive, and many obstacles present themselves with an allure that invites you to embrace them. You might find yourself entwined in a dance with these barriers, lost in their allure. If you manage to see through and overcome these obstacles, even more formidable ones await. In the film "Little Buddha" starring Keanu Reeves, after Prince Siddhartha vanquishes the armies of the devil, the storm subsides and everything seems to regain tranquility. In the pool of water before him, his reflection appears - the final ruse of the devil. This reflection, bearing an uncanny resemblance to Siddhartha, declares, "I am you." Siddhartha sees through the devil's trickery and doesn't fall for it. "You are not me," he responds, causing the devil to vanish.

For Buddhists, the ultimate and most formidable obstacle is the belief in an "ego", followed by the conviction that everything else also has an "ego". Every mountain, every river, every color, every object, and even every posture and movement has a name. Every sound carries its own definition. Each scent, each flavor, each tactile sensation, and each thought is defined and conceptualized by our mind. This is the greatest obstacle and the king of all demons. It is the most elusive barrier, the greatest of all bosses, far more potent than the entry-level devils whispering in our ears.

This article was first published on Google Blogger by Ling Shan Ju Shi on July 5, 2019. All rights reserved. Any infringement will be prosecuted.

Copyright Notice：All copyrights of Ling Shan Hermit's articles in Simplified and Traditional Chinese, English, and other languages belong to the natural person who owns "Ling Shan Hermit". Please respect copyright. Publishers, media, or individuals (including but not limited to internet media, websites, personal spaces, Weibo, WeChat public accounts, print media) must obtain authorization from Ling Shan Hermit before use. No modifications to the articles are allowed (including: author's name, title, main text content, and punctuation marks). We reserve all legal rights.

灵山居士：当魔鬼在你耳边低语

在卓别林1921年的电影《寻子遇仙记》（The Kid）里，有这么一段：当时卓别林正在做梦，他梦见自己去了一个天堂般的地方，那里每个人都很快乐，每个人都在唱歌跳舞，每个人都长着天使的翅膀。但是好景不长。我们看到天堂的看门人睡着了，魔鬼悄悄溜了进来。他们混入人群，伺机而动。然后，来了一对青年男女情侣。男的有事情暂时走开了。只留下女孩子一个人。卓别林就坐在不远处。魔鬼发现了女孩子，他发现了女孩子想要自我证明的心——她想要证明自己的魅力——他在女孩子耳边悄悄说了些话。女孩子被鼓动了，她开始尝试勾引卓别林。刚开始的时候卓别林似乎并未上钩。但是魔鬼同样了解男人的心。魔鬼在他耳边低语了几句之后，他也被鼓动了，他开始上钩。他开始追逐女孩子。之后的故事就不那么美好了。

知道吗？我们就是这样被鼓动的。当我们的正念开始打盹，魔鬼就溜进来了。当我们开始修行的时候，魔鬼会经常在我们耳边说话，那些话只有我们自己听得到。魔鬼会告诉你：“何必那么辛苦呢？你可以不那么努力，放松一下吧。”魔鬼会告诉你：“试一下又怎么样呢？反正你可以忏悔嘛。”魔鬼会说：“你真棒，居然能发现我的伎俩不上当。你太厉害了。”魔鬼还会告诉你：“你这是为了佛法。不是为了私欲。”如果你信了他的话，你的障碍就开始了。

有一段时间，我非常得意，世界似乎非常眷顾我，我几乎拥有了一切，一切都是那么美好。我开始不像之前那么勤奋，魔鬼开始在我耳边低语。我开始让自己轻松一点，很多东西开始松动。我开始享受修行的“成果”。直到后来有一些事情出现，把我惊醒。我慢慢了解到，那段我认为非常美好的时光才是真正的障碍。通常我们认为的障碍是什么？失去工作，老婆跟人跑了？真正的障碍会让你觉得一切还不错。你就像是躺在温热的浴缸里，有点昏昏欲睡。而那些把你带离这些的，才是最殊胜的加持。有些事情会出现，击碎你之前的迷梦。你就像是被人从温热的浴缸里拉出来，丢进北极的暴风雪里。这是最殊胜的加持。当然，我不认为会有人会欢迎这样的加持。

有一段时间，我遇到了一些“障碍”，我想我们可以先用障碍这个词来称呼它。当时我认为这确实是障碍。而大部分人也会视其为障碍。就是这些障碍，让我审视自己：一定是我做错了什么。才导致这些。我开始检视自己的身语意，我开始修正自己的行为。我开始断除一些事情。如果一些障碍让你真正的去审视自己，真正的改变自己，那我们应该称之为加持。但我们通常会急于摆脱这种加持。潜意识里，我们希望一切都顺风顺水。我们喜欢泡在充满热水的浴缸里。我们不喜欢经历风暴。为了摆脱这种局面，我们会修很多法，我们会祈祷上师，我们希望让生活回归正常，让我们重新回到温热的浴缸里。大部分人不会承认自己是怀抱这样的世俗目的去修持的。他们会骗自己。当然更多的可能是因为他们从未有时间对自己做深入的分析。浮光掠影的表面修持很难让人有机会一窥自己内在的真实状态。

如果仔细剖析，我们会发现我们对轮回的珍爱程度，我们希望维护我们的轮回，我们希望修缮它。我们希望用佛法搭建一个避难所，让我们可以暂时忘掉轮回的真相。这就是我们的修行。你每天都会祈祷上师吗？你祈祷的内容是什么？健康，财富，让你喜欢的人也能喜欢你？抑或是升职加薪。这难道不是在修缮你的轮回？你会祈祷上师让你家财尽失吗？当然不会。如果你投资股票损失了很多钱，你肯定认为你遇到了障碍。你会愁眉苦脸。你绝不会欢天喜地的给上师打电话说太好了我损失了很多钱谢谢上师的加持。你肯定会花钱请僧众念经加持以便让你损失的钱能够再赚回来。一般而言，在一切都很顺利的时候我们会缺乏审视自己的动力。一切都很顺利，不会帮你认识轮回，相反的，它会让你沉醉轮回。那些能够帮助你认识轮回认清自己的都是些你不喜欢的事，当这种事情出现的时候，我们通常会把它当作障碍。我们把那些令我们轮回不畅的事情叫做障碍。我们不喜欢它。我们会对抗它。我们希望把它关在门外。我们请僧众念经加持希望这些厄运（是的，我们称呼这种加持为厄运）尽快远离我们。我们喜欢一切都可控，我们喜欢一切都是云淡风轻，我们喜欢全身浸泡在温热的水里的感觉。我们不喜欢被人从水里拉出来丢进暴风雪。但真正的加持就是这样。

秋阳创巴仁波切说：“护法神的责任是确保你走在正道，如果你偏离了，他会把你赶回去。”我不记得原话，大概是这样。佛教的修行并非完全是自力，对于某些够资格的修行人来说，护法神一直在看着你——就像是牧羊犬看着羊。除非你被彻底放弃了，否则他们会以各种方式提醒你你走错了。他们会猛抽你，直到你清醒过来。

但很多时候，我们会把这样的猛抽当成障碍，当我们面对这样的“障碍”的时候，我们会被吓住，我们会忙于自保。当我开始自保的时候，我们的障碍才真正开始。我已经忘记了我是干什么的了。你早已经忘记你的大目标，你的菩提心，你忙于保护自己，你的目的只是保护自己，让周遭的一切恢复常态，我忙于让一切变得可控。让一切都看起来不错。在此过程中，你的雄心壮志都会被消磨掉。你开始只关心你自己。你开始只关心很小的事情，就像是本应指挥千军万马的将军，却被拉下马��小兵撕打起来。你被分散精力，被转移注意力，你开始保护并不存在的自我，你的修行就是被这些事情破坏掉的。

作为修行者，你会遇到很多障碍，有些你可能一眼就能认出，有些则很难认出，很多障碍看起来非常迷人，让你想要拥她入怀。你会和很多障碍共舞，沉醉其中。如果你能识破这些障碍，战胜这些障碍，还有更厉害的障碍等着你。在基努里维斯主演的《小活佛》里，在悉达多王子战胜了魔王的军队之后，风暴消失，一切似乎都恢复了平静，在他面前的水潭里，映出了他的影像，那是魔王最后的招数，那个长得和悉达多一样的影像告诉他：“我就是你。”悉达多识破了魔王的诡计，并未上当，悉达多说：“你不是我。”然后魔王就消失了。

对于佛教徒来说，最厉害最终极的障碍就是你认为有一个“自我”，然后万事万物也有一个“自我”。每一座山，每一条河，每一种颜色，每一个物体，甚至每一种姿势每一个动作，都有一个名字，每一个声音也都有它的定义，每一种香味，每一种味道，每一种触感，每一个念头，也都被我们的心定义了，被我们概念化了，这是最大的障碍和魔王，也是最难觉知的障碍，这是魔中之王，最大的boss，比那些在我们耳边低语的入门级的魔鬼要厉害多了。

本文于2019年7月5日首发于灵山居士谷歌Blogger。版权所有，侵权必究。 

[isleofdarkness]

can u tell us more about Polina and Nikita Rasputin. How old are they. What are they like. Are they close with their brother, and by extension his daughter & girlfriend & other relatives. What crews do they belong to. Do they have magic. Whatever else you have about them. Please and thank you

I'll also answer for Kira so that I get to talk about all three Rasputin sisters.

Polina is the oldest sister, two-and-a-half years younger than Mischa. Polina was actually when Rasputin realized the Curse was still alive and well under the barrier because he tried to drown her when she was a few hours old and she survived for two days until Mischa got to her. She's survived the most murder attempts from her father, so many that she's on a first-name basis with literally every single person in Sanctum. She's very close to her brother, Ivy, and her niece. On top of the curse she, like her other siblings, has a repressed dark magick that can manifest just a little bit on the Isle, in life-or-death, but it always leaves her exhausted. She's a member of Uma's crew but an honorary member of Diego's Devil, Mal's Dragon, Harriet's Crew, Maverick Mim's Mutants, CJ's Crew, and the Mongol Army. The Rasputin kids, like Belle and Anna, all have this multi-allegiance, considering how often their dad will try to kill them. Polina is the only one of her siblings blessed by Hades, and one of only four people on the Isle who managed to receive this blessing before Hecate, who allowed the imprisoned gods to use magick, was caught and bound (the others being Riah, Desdemona, and Mal.)

Kira is thirteen, four years younger than Polina, and she's practically moved out with the amount of time she spends working at the hospital and with Ginny Gothel. Kira isn't just a doctor, she's an army doctor, meaning she can break every bone in your body while naming them. She has a talent for always knowing exactly what's wrong with just a superficial examination. No one knows how she does it, but she's never been wrong in her eight years of working at the hospital (yes, she started when she was five. Shan Yu tried to stop her but there's no stopping any of the Rasputin girls.) Kira isn't very close with her family, mostly because she's extremely busy, partially because Rasputin hates her guts and will hurt her siblings even more if he finds out they're talking to her. She's mostly with Ginny and the Mongols, but she does have a bit of allegiance to most of the gangs.

Nikita is the youngest Rasputin girl (not counting Pasha) at twelve, and she's easily the most dangerous Rasputin child, possibly one of the most dangerous children on the Isle. Her magick is a lot stronger. She has a magical instinct about the Isle, something that enables her to find and use magick in all of its forms. She knows the most dangerous magickal places (the Woods, the tunnels, the Dark Kingdom, etc) and how to use them. Nikita is one of the few people who can use magic on the Isle because she uses magick-with-a-k, Enochian and Latin and sigils and stuff, the kind of stuff that can't be removed from the physical world. She was dangerous enough that, when Rasputin couldn't kill her, she was surrendered to Darque so that he could try to remove her magick. It didn't work, and many believe that him trying is why The Sanatarium was abandoned and sealed. No one really knows where Nikita lives or where she spends her time, but she's always there when one of her siblings needs her. Most gangs on the Isle count her as a member.

[alaffy]

Gossip Girl, Ep. 2x08 - Y Lu’s Mama Tambien (spoilers)

Wow an episode where, not only did all the storylines not converge in the same location, but some of them will continue into the next episode.  Maybe the writers are learning. Maybe.  Also, I want to apologize for the length of the post; I have quite a few thoughts on some of the events of this episode.

It seems like Kate wants to play both sides of the field now.  Well, what she wants to do is take on the parents.  However, she needs time to get her pieces in place and so she needs to keep posting about the teens for now.  Still, it’s also becoming quite clear that she’s enjoying creating her own narrative a bit too much.  And just to get the majority of her story out of the way.  Jordan is concerned about her behavior and calls the other teachers in for an intervention.  But it doesn’t go the way he planned as Kate is able to convince the teachers to give her a month to get everything in place and they’ll see what she’s doing is right (it also helps that she agrees that, if this goes south, Kate will take the fall). Anyway, this all leads to Kate and Jordan sleeping together.  But let’s face it, nobody cares so let’s move on.

Julien is tired of GG interfering in people’s lives and tries to convince people to stop paying attention to GG.  But more people are interested in the dress reveal, which actually made Julien more popular again.  Monet, on the other hand, is facing the consequences for her post last episode.  Pretty much the entire student population has turned against her; which, fair.  

Shan is back and apologizes for ditching Zoya at the party.  She then convinces Zoya that they need to stop GG.  However, they’re going to do so by finding someone famous at the film festival (one of the events of this episode) and telling them about GG, with the hopes that the celebrity speaks out against the bullying.  This plan fails and, in the end, they get caught by security and held until Julien picks them up.

Obie, of course, is trying to work with Gossip Girl to take his mother down.  However, that means getting her back in the country.  Good thing GG just so happens to be Obie’s teacher. Kate tells Obie that Harvard wants to meet with him and his parents.  Obie uses this to get his mother back into the country.  And, at first, it looks like it’s going to work. But, at the last minute, Obie’s mother says she can’t come back.

Now there are two big storylines…well, no, there are three big storylines, although two are very much intertwined.  First off, you have the continuing feud between Audrey and Julien; which is made worse by Jessica and Gossip Girl.  Jessica is opening a pop-up shop and she announces that Julien is going to be there to help Jessica sell her new design; the Julien.  Of course, this makes Audrey angry; even though Julien makes it clear that she never agreed to this shit.  Audrey tells Julien the best way she can help is to stay away from Jessica. Of course, Julien doesn’t stay away from Jessica and Audrey’s dad take a picture of the two of them.  He then sends the picture to GG, who posts it. Audrey gets angry again.  

At the same time, Audrey is trying desperately to get her mother to get out of bed and fight for herself. She also is trying to make sure her mother doesn’t fall back into dangerous habits.  Max is also helping Audrey as he has found someone who thinks that they can possibly file an in juncture against Jessica, so they can have a chance to prove Kiki is the creator of those designs.

To add to the drama, there’s also this big film festival going on that Aki goes to/helps out at every year. And, apparently, he and Audrey usually go to some of the premiers; a tradition that he hopes will continue this year and with the addition of Max.  Aki also runs into a girl that he’s know for awhile.  She’s a couple of years older then him and in film school. She’s also a part of the film festival in, what seems, to be more of a managerial position.   At the very least, she seems to be giving Aki some choice work (perhaps to help him in his own film endeavors?).  So, we have this close friend who is actively helping Aki with his passion in filmmaking and Aki’s partners wrapped up in their own issues.  Yeah, this won’t go well.

But going back to Audrey and Julien; Obie is able to convince Audrey to hear Julien out. Julien talks to Audrey and says she will do anything to help her stop Jessica and the pop up store.  Audrey tells Julien she will allow Julien to do whatever she thinks will stop Jessica.  Julien leaves, thinking she’s on the road to forgiveness.  She also calls Kiki and asks her to meet her at the store the next day.

At the same time, we find out that Audrey is just playing Julien.  As far as she’s concerned, it’s time for her to teach Julien a lesson.  Aki, who has just been told he will be moderating a panel, hopes that Audrey and Max will still make it to the event. Given Audrey’s response, I wouldn’t hope too hard there.

The next day, Julien arrives at the store and it seems like her plan is to expose everything on her “Stop the Story.”  However, nothing goes to plan as it seems like Audrey and Max have done quite a bit of work behind the scenes.  First, they are somehow able to switch the price tags so that the dresses price seems outrageous.

Then, the are able to get all the dresses that are over size 8.  Another influencer, after going through the store, confronts Julien and demands to know why she’s promoting a product that is not inclusive for all body sizes.  Of course, she’s doing this confrontation live.  Julien doesn’t have a chance to defend herself as a group of protestors march into the shop.  It seems like Max and Audrey spread a rumor that the dresses were made in a Cambodian Sweat Shop. The protesters throw paint all over Julien and Jessica.  It’s at this point, Julien notices Harris (?) filming the whole event for Audrey and Max to watch live (they happen to be in an ice cream shop next door).      

The thing is, while this is going on, Aki is hosting the panel; something Audrey and Max said they would attend.  Of course, they don’t show up.  Aki’s friend isn’t happy about this and tries to let Aki know that he is special, that his talent is special.  Then, she kisses him.  Afterwards, she apologizes as she knows he’s dating someone and, well, she didn’t really give him a chance to agree to the kiss.  It’s just too bad Zoya happened to see Aki and his friend kiss.  Now, she thinks Aki may be cheating.  

Back to Julien and Audrey. Julien realizes that Audrey is nearby and they have another fight.  Also, Kiki comes by and sees the chaos at the store.  Someone takes Kiki’s picture and sends to GG; who makes it seem like this may be Kiki’s work.  

Back to the film festival (after some time has passed).  Zoya is picked up by Julien and tells her about the kiss.  Julien decides the best thing to do is not get involved. Meanwhile, Max and Audrey meet up with Aki.  They promise to spend the rest of the festival with him; but it too late as the festival is over.  

They go to Audrey’s house, only to see Kiki has a bunch of suitcases.  It seems like Kiki has gone back to drinking (she hid it well from Audrey), but the chaos of the day made her realize that she needs help.  So, she’s going to rehab and she leaves.  Audrey, thinking she’s failed her mother, breaks down.  Max hugs her and tells her that he and Aki are there for her. Aki hugs her to, but the look on his face makes it clear that he’s got some doubts.  

As for Audrey and Aki, I kind of feel sorry for both of them.  It’s not a situation that’s clear cut; there isn’t one person who’s completely right here. Let’s put it this way.  Let’s say Audrey just wanted to teach Julien a lesson; that Kiki’s mental health didn’t play any factor in this.  Or, even better, Kiki isn’t involved at all.  If this had just been an issue of Audrey wanting to teach Julien a lesson vs. Audrey and Max supporting Aki in an endeavor that was special to him; then Audrey and Max would absolutely have been in the wrong. And I would be furious at the two.  

On the other hand, if none of this had been about Julien; if Audrey was only dealing with her mother’s mental health and trying to stop Jessica from stealing her mother’s work…I wouldn’t say that Aki should drop everything to come help Audrey (after all, the festival could be important to his future), but I would be upset that he didn’t seem to understand that Kiki’s mental health comes first.  And it wouldn’t be a bad thing if Max spent his time supporting Audrey, in a case like that.

But, in the end, what we have is this sort of weird middle ground.  In the beginning, I was more on Audrey’s side as I felt like Aki should understand that, with Kiki’s mental health issues, maybe this year Audrey needed to skip the event?  After all, she had gone with him in pervious years.  But then Audrey started focusing more on teaching Julien a lesson and Aki got to moderate a panel and…yeah, there’s no reason they had to be at the ice cream parlor to watch what was going on instead of Aki’s event.  At the very least, Max should have gone to show support.  

But what I do appreciate is that, at the end of the episode, we don’t have Aki just walking out of the relationship nor do we have Aki just accepting he’s a doormat.  Yes, there were special circumstances in what was happening in Audrey’s life during this period that Aki needs to consider.  However, if it seems like (and let’s face it, it does seem like) Aki’s wants and needs are constantly overlooked by his partners in moments that don’t involve crisis; then he might just have to let them go.  

Finally, we get to Luna’s story; which is tragic.  Luna gets the opportunity to style an, let’s say, up and coming starlet for the film festival.  She’s really excited about it and she asks Monet to be her assistant.  And one thing about this episode is that we see that, when Monet isn’t trying to live up to her mother, she can be a really good person. Monet suggests that they find out who else is starring in the film because they want to get a sense of what their style is to, you know, make sure there isn’t any awkward moments.  They find out that the star is Luna’s mother; which comes to a surprise to Luna as she didn’t even know her mother was in town.

So, Luna finds out where her mother is.  And from the get-go the whole situation is….weird.  The mother doesn’t want Luna to call her mother in public.  When she finds out Luna is going to dress her costar, she tells Luna she wants her to dress her instead. However, when Luna goes to dress her mother, she finds out she’s only going to be an assistant to another person. And, well, the mother clearly did this so that Luna wouldn’t dress her costar and be out in the spotlight.  She doesn’t want her daughter to shine.  And Luna just kind of accepts this; she just kind of walks away.

Or she would have, if not for Monet.  And there’s this very powerful moment between the two where Monet is letting Luna know that she can’t let her mother keep doing this to her.  The Luna needs to stand up to her and show her that she’s really good at what she does.  And the whole time Monet is saying this, all I kept thinking (besides I’m glad Monet is telling Luna this) is please, please at some point let Luna or someone else give Monet that same speech because she needs to hear it too.    

So, Luna decides to show her mother.  At the premiere of her mother’s movie.  As her mother walks the carpet, Monet announces Luna. Specifically, she announces that Luna is the daughter and makes a crack about being younger and prettier.  This pisses the mother off and she makes sure that Luna is not allowed in the after party.

And then we have another moment that is quite interesting.  Earlier in the episode, we are introduced to an older woman that Luna tells everyone is her maid.  But it’s not her maid, it’s her grandmother (at least, Luna calls her grandmother and I’m guessing the maid wouldn’t be trying to see the mother at a movie premiere.) So, here we have Luna who is clearly being rejected by her mother because of her beauty and it hurts her to be constantly rejected this way.  At the same time, Luna seems to be doing a similar thing to her grandmother in that she doesn’t seem to want people to know they are related.  Hopefully, Luna works on that.  Unless, wait, is the grandmother the mother of the movie star?  If so, it is possible Luna is told to call her the maid so people don’t find out the mother’s secret (not that this will matter soon).  I admit, I’m a little confused on this whole grandmother thing.  

Luna finds out from her grandmother that Luna’s mother made a deal with the father.  Basically, Luna was sent to live with him because the mother wasn’t comfortable with her being around anymore.  Not because Luna is trans, but because she is beautiful.  This woman is so vein that the very idea that her daughter might one day surpass her, fills her with jealous rage.  So, she makes sure that Luna stay out of the limelight while the mother is able to promote her own crafted story.

Yeah, about that. See, for years the mother has been selling this story that her family is from Mexico, that she’s Latina.  Her family is from Madrid.  And Luna, well, Luna has decided not to allow her mother to use this fabricated story any longer.  So, she texts GG the truth and GG sends it out unto the world.  And everyone learns the truth with Luna and Monet watching.

After this, Monet goes home. As she starts to walk past her mother (Who, for some reason, looks like she’s working at a desk in the hallway), Monet stops and hugs her.  Monet says to Camille that she loves her and that she knows that her mother is hard on her because she loves her too.  Now, in my last post, I said that Camille’s behavior toward Monet is abusive; a statement that I stand by.  However, I also believe that Monet is correct in her statement.  Both statements can be true and it comes down to the cycle of abuse. It would not surprise me at all if we were to find out that Camille treats her daughter the same way Camille was treated by her own mother growing up.  In many cases, those who are abused grow up to be abusers simply because they don’t know that what they are doing is abuse. Still, so long as Monet sees the way her mother treats her as normal, Monet is in danger of continuing the cycle.  Also, and this cannot be said enough, no one deserves to be treated the way Monet is treated.  That being said, between the choice of Camille and Luna’s mother…well, again, at least Camille does love her child.

Speaking of which, let’s get to the final moments of the episode.  Camille stops by Kate’s apartment with a proposition.  While Camille hasn’t figured out that Kate is GG, she does know that teachers are sending in tips to GG.  And Camille, who does not know anything about what happened at the festival, assumes that Monet’s statement to her came from the fact that GG had humiliated Monet in her recent post.  Camille feels that GG could do the same for all the students and, so, she wants the teachers to continue to send in messages and, it seems, she is willing to help them get the information they need.  Again, normal parents would not do this.  I mean, you know Kiki or Gideon wouldn’t do this to their children.

While this is going on, Julien and Obie arrive back at his apartment.  Julien sees the message about Kiki and she’s had enough.  Julien decides that the only way this will end is if she exposes the person behind GG.  Of course, Obie needs GG in order to stop his mother.  Obie pretends that he needs to pop out and pick up something from the store. Outside, he starts to text GG that Julien is going to try to find out who she is.  Only he is attacked by a group of men.  Now, it could be a simple mugging; but why do I have a feeling mommy dearest is behind this?

Just a quick note.  Yes, I have heard that Gossip Girl has been cancelled.  Not too surprised with the way Max has been going lately.  I still plan on posting for the last couple of episodes.  I hate the fact that it will probably end on a cliffhanger.  But if someone else were to pick it up, I don’t know if I’m invested enough in the show to follow it to a new network.  

[vxridis-quo]

Jason Steinbeck 💀

General Bio

Full Names: Jason Steinbeck

Nicknames/Aliases: N/A as of now

Gender: Transgender Male (He/Him)

Orientation: Bisexual Biromantic

Age: 19

Birthday: December 20th (Sagittarius)

Species: Human

Family: Fransica Steinbeck (Mother) and Bruce Steinbeck (Father)

Nationality: Canadian-American

Occupation: College Student, Part-Time Music Store Employee

Eye Color: Blue

Hair Color: Teal, was formerly dirty blonde before dying it

Face Claims: Sou Hiyori from Your Turn to Die and Evra Von from Darren Shan's Saga.

Voice Claim: Michael Johnston (Zack from Concrete Genie)

Appearance

Background

Jason Steinbeck is a 19 year old college student living in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, USA. He met Pico Van Helsing (his universe's equivalent to Pico) during his freshman high school and ended up becoming friends with him.

This would leave Jason to be strung into and join Pico's group of monster hunters (Pico's very own "Scooby Gang" if you will) who fight off all sorts of supernatural evils.

However, on one of the gang's adventures, Jason ended up suffering a near-death experience and had to be hospitalized (while Pico was wounded on his right eye.

While in the hospital, Jason decided to step down from Pico's group. And things became rather tense and distant between him and Pico as a result.

One night he met a girl named Carrie, who decided to explore the hospital he was staying him out of boredom. Needless to say the two hit it off quickly from there.

Though of course this relationship would lead him to getting thrust back into supernatural shenanigans once again. As not only is Carrie a ghost but her father is a necromancer who's not really trusting towards humans...especially ones that want to date his daughter.

Regardless, he'll always do the things he does best: sing, battle monsters, and keep his loved ones safe no matter what.

Personality

Jason is often the straight man in the scenarios he winds himself in, which results in him being rather sarcastic and snarky at times. He is also significantly more intelligent than the original Boyfriend but is still prone to bouts of smugness and overconfidence.

He is deeply caring to those around him, willing to drop everything and fight tooth-and-nail to help them and keep them safe. And even with all the hell he goes through, he's willing to cut loose and have fun whenever it's appropriate.

Abilities

While Jason is just a human and possesses no powers or natural abilities, he does have some skills that help him evade danger. All taught to him during his time with Pico.

First Aid

Agility and Endurance

Weapon Proficiency

While Jason's not much of a physical fighter, he does have sizeable experience on utilizing guns and knives should the situation call for it. As well as anything he can get his hands on in a pinch.

Verses

None, yet