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kurumeki · 1 year ago

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This will be long and personal, so you can feel free to scroll past it.

Good things of 2023:

Grandmother’s 80th birthday; we had a celebration in a restaurant with family and her friends. Almost 50 people!

Morrie’s live stream Flesh Odyssey at his birthday (4th March)

My best friend @vinidra visited in March and I remember getting wasted and listening to Black Sabbath and Def Leppard till 3am. And watching that one 1989 Aerosmith live! Wasn’t there Dir en grey stream on GALACAA? I think we got access from a friend and watched that too.

On April 1st Morrie’s fan club Reveries opened on BitFan application – with foreign fans finally being able to join. It is a pricey affair, but the consistency and amount of content he brings every single day is so worth it. I love being a Reverie and having near direct contact with Morrie and the fans. So grateful for this community.

Right after Easter, on April 12th, we got BUCK-TICK’s new album. No one would predict it would be the last release before Sakurai passing away… It’s a solid record and ワルキューレの騎行 will forever be one of my favourite songs.

April was such a good month for me – on 18th I got the news I got promoted to a team leader. So, following a big raise for 2022 performance, I got another big raise with role change. Feeling like I’m finally getting the money I deserve for my hard work. The role is difficult and very challenging, but also satisfying and I enjoy what I do. It helped me a lot with improving my communication skills, standing up for myself and feeling confident with my decisions.

End of April was my friend Karin visiting, we went to Metallica symphonic concert in philharmonic and had amazing time overall during the long May weekend.

In May I came out to my co-workers and I was met with so much support I’m still overwhelmed. Being able to feel like I can be 100% myself at work is amazing. You don’t realise you need it until you get this freedom.

May 23rd was Boris live in Warsaw. I reconnected with an old friend and had amazing time with him during the gig. The show itself was everything I ever wanted from Boris – perfectly heavy and fast. Being front row surely contributed to that. My mission was to wait for the band after the show and talk to Atsuo and I succeeded! Got a picture with the band ant all. All possible thanks to a mutual friend of the band and mine.

May 31st – Def Leppard and Motley Crue in Krakow! Again hanging out with @vinidra and his friend. The show… let’s say Motley Crue was meh, though visual and female dancers were incredible. But Def Leppard was there to save the night, it was incredible and I had so so so much fun! Can’t wait to see them again live.

In June I visited Karin in Krynica Morska. It’s a very thin piece of land with sea at one side and huge lake on the other. I loved the beach walks there and hearing the waves at night, when falling asleep.

Also in June my close friend had a major surgery. So brave of her to decide to undergo it and I’m even more happy that she’s made steady recovery, now having no regrets.

June 20th was the day Josh Kiszka of Greta Van Fleet came out! I’m always happy learning that musicians I love are just as queer as me.

And by end of June DEAD END has re-issued all four albums from 80s: DEAD LINE, Ghost Of Romance, shambara and ZERO. Got them all, in true collector spirit.

July 21st Greta Van Fleet released a new album. I wasn’t stoked about it at first but of course – the more I listened to it, the more I fell in love with it. It’s probably my favourite album of the year.

I didn’t do anything special for my birthday on August 12th, but the following week I was flying to Cologne for a week to stay with my best friend. We did a lot of furniture and home decor shopping for the new house she moved into. We went to cinema to see Metallica’s live stream, and otherwise just had good time being lazy. Oh! And I helped her pick out and buy her first guitar. Love the visit in huge 4-story music shop in Cologne.

In September I’ve volunteered to take dogs from a shelter for walks for a day. I want to do it again.

On September 27th Morrie released another solo album Solitudes I. I feel like I didn’t listen to it enough this year, but this is miles better than Ballad D to me.

October 15th was election day in Poland and this was incredible – how many people showed up. For the first time I had to stand in the queue to vote. And we won. Fascist right wing government was overthrown. I have some home things will finally get better in my country.

Fast forward to November 5th – after a lot of trouble I made it to Hamburg and met with a friend I’ve know for years, but never had a chance to see in person. Had amazing time! It’s incredible to have such dedicated Morrie fan so close and be able to talk about music for couple of hours without feeling tired.

November 6th – I also finally met my close friend, we’ve never seen each other before. She’s such a lovely human being. She introduced me to Greta Van Fleet, so it felt only right to gift her a ticket to their show. The live was amazing, the most beautiful show I’ve ever been to. I will never get over how talented those young guys are.

From Nov 7th to 11th I was staying with my friend in Bielefeld. Met her cutest Siamese cat Bibi!

And last thing worth mentioning – I got the courage to go to company winter party and I actually had fun. I don’t remember when was the last time I simply wanted to have fun and when was the last time I danced. My whole body hurt after that night, but I really loved it. Oh, and I stole the neon flamingo lamp. Worth it.

#personal #i have a good life i think

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sambhavami · 2 years ago

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The Lost Flute - Part 7 (Welcome to the Family)

Despite Krishna's best efforts to hide the appearance of the slayer of Shambara from Rukmini, by the time he reached her quarters, the queen's attendants had already informed her of the court proceedings. Upon returning to his chambers after setting up the boy in a guest room, Krishna found his wife sitting on his bed, fuming. "I was coming to you just now, Vaidarbhi-" Krishna began, but Rukmini cut him off. Krishna was somewhat taken aback to see his first wife's temper. He was used to Satyabhama's outbursts and Jambavati's cutting remarks, but he had never seen Rukmini so much as annoyed in all these years of marriage. He slumped down onto the couch, resigned to facing her well-deserved wrath.

"So Devarshi proposed, and you accepted without so much as a single word in protest? What is the use of your strength and valour, if you will dance to the tunes of any random person that walks into your parliament? Is your grandfather not the King of this land? What is the use of that Nandaka sword if it could not even protect the only son of its master?" She cried, "Is this why I left behind my family, my friends and my entire life? For you to bring home any random child and make me call it my blood? You should have left me to die by the sacred fire of my marriage to Shishupala, then. It was better than enduring this abject humiliation at the hands of your people!" Krishna desperately shook his head, his own throat heavy with emotion. He hated to see Rukmini so distraught.

Krishna tried to hold her close, but Rukmini swatted his hand away. She was breathing heavily, drowned in a deluge of conflicting emotions. The logical part of her brain understood her husband's predicament, but before her eyes, the empty crib in the centre of her bedroom kept floating. Krishna whispered to her, "I'm begging you to once consider the situation sans emotion Rukmini, I truly don't have a choice! If this news gets out of the palace, the people will revolt. I can fight any enemy that dares attack our kingdom, but I cannot suppress the infighting forever. If there's a revolt, it will draw a wedge in the Yadava family as well, Dwarika will be left a bloody wasteland, and enemy kingdoms will swallow Mathura whole!"

"Have I kept you prisoner Krishna?" Rukmini retorted, "You go do whatever you want! Make whomever your son, why do you make this farce of asking for my permission? Did you ask me before rushing off to the forest after that cursed gem? Did you ask me before bringing home two wives right on the heel of making me think I'd lost you without so much as a single message? If you did not need my permission then, you do not need it now. I have accepted that I'll always be alone here, cut off from my father and brothers and everything else that I know and love. You all cannot hurt me more than this!"

Krishna sat with his head lowered. He could not refute her accusations. It was true that he had been rash in all these instances. He had always been grateful for Rukmini's calmness. In fact, in doing so, he had almost forgotten that she was born a princess, and was raised to be a queen. She had perfected the art of hiding her emotions behind an icy demeanour. Krishna now regretted having taken her stoic silence as acceptance rather than the swirling silent resentment that had exploded at this last betrayal.

"I am sorry," He whispered, "That it came to the point of you having to spell it out for me. I should have understood your pains a long time back,"

Rukmini stared off into the distance with no indication that she heard him. Looking at her, Krishna sighed. "Vaidarbhi, I accept my part in the injustice done to you. I am truly sorry that I made you feel like you couldn't air your grievances freely to me. However, please consider Devarshi's proposal. Do not reject it out of anger for me. The issue has become bigger than either you or me, and as members of this wretched family, like all our predecessors we must make sacrifices." Krishna sighed and shook his head, "And as much as we call it a proposal and sugarcoat it, it is in fact an order: a motion passed in parliament. To reject it would be to openly defy the established government. It will give a free pass to our opposers to launch a public offence. However, Vaidarbhi, whatever you choose, I'll be at your side, but I will not be able to control the consequences."

Krishna and Rukmini sat in silence, facing each other as the sun travelled across the horizon, settling over the ocean bed, colouring it crimson. Finally, Rukmini spoke, as the last rays of the sun highlighted her cheeks, glossy from exhaustion, "Despite everything, Krishna, I have vowed to be at your side no matter what. I chose you as my life partner simply by hearing of your wise judgement. If you have accepted this proposal so easily, there must be something special in the boy. Something which convinced you to pull him out from the slums and install him as the future ruler of the Yadavas. I will accept Devarshi's proposal, but on two conditions. First, I must be allowed to meet him before any official proceedings, and second, the boy must marry my niece, brother Rukmi's daughter. I wish to reestablish the channel of communication with my brother." She turned her face, "I need my family to endure yours."

Krishna swallowed in apprehension, "Vaidarbhi, that is quite a radical proposal! Your brother was prepared to take your life in order to spite me. Do you not want some time to think this through? You know your wish is my command, but I must urge you to think of your own safety."

"These are my conditions, swami. Take it or leave it." Rukmini walked out of the room leaving Krishna deep in thought.

---

Upon placing Rukmini's conditions to the parliament Krishna had been surprised to find how quickly the sabha had agreed. Only Balarama had objected, going so far as to declare that he would slay Rukmi if he did as much as to lay a foot on the soil of Dwarika. Krishna had barely managed to calm him down at the moment. However, what none of them had expected was for the young Manmatha to object. The boy spoke clearly, cutting down every logic the parliamentarians presented in favour of his adoption.

Finally, Krishna had to pull him aside to inquire what his actual issue with the proposal was. Which orphan would choose to reject the proposal that would catapult him to the top of the royal food chain?! The boy, softening a bit on account of the individual attention from his proposed father, had admitted that he was afraid of losing his caretaker, Mayavati.

Krishna had been surprised anew by how similar they were. Manmatha had whispered to him, "I know how these royals take care of the family in cases such as ours. Tell me, why have you never gone back to your old village? Why do your so-called parents need to make an appointment to see you? You must know how I feel! If I become your son, I'll never see Maya again!"

Krishna had been taken aback by the boy's direct words, and the desperation in his eyes. The boy had caught the thread of his inner battles with such ease. He was willing to give up the chance of ruling an entire country out of the love he had in his heart. Could Krishna have not done the same, those many aeons ago? Krishna had made up his mind right then to protect his interests at all costs, even if it meant clashing with either Rukmini or Balarama. As he walked the boy back to his seat, he had already formulated a plan.

Addressing the parliament with his quintessential smile he had spoke, "My Lords, Manmatha agrees to our proposal if one desire of his is fulfilled. He has formed quite an attachment to the young lady he grew up with," he laughed indulgently, "and wishes for her to become his better half, united in matrimony. Lady Mayavati is the perfect blend of wit and dignity and is the perfect choice for the future queen of the Yadavas. Assisted further by princess Rukmavati of Vidarbha and under the careful guidance of devi Rukmini, she will bring great happiness and prosperity to our great kingdom. I hope you will extend to this young family the same love that you have showered upon me and my better halves."

As he sat down, he glanced above at the balcony, where Rukmini sat with her attendants. As her eyes met his, Krishna attempted to send a silent apology, but Rukmini simply shook her head and looked away. Krishna forced himself to focus on the sabha, vowing to rectify the situation with his wife later. Manmatha, like the rest of the sabha, sat with his mouth agape. Marry the woman who was practically his mother?! A wave of gasps went around the sabha, most members shaking their heads, and some openly mocking Krishna.

Krishna, still smiling brightly, whispered to Narada, "Devarshi, I kept my end of the bargain, I convinced my wife. Now it's on you to bring it home." Narada smiled and nodded. He called upon Mayavati who had been fidgeting by the gate that led to the balcony. He led her to the centre of the podium, and spoke to the crowd, "Gentlemen, this is no ordinary woman that stands before you. She has been blessed by Lord Shiva himself, in a previous birth, to become a companion to Lord Pradyumna, and rule over Dwarika alongside him as his better half. Say, who are we to argue with the almighty? I move that we complete all legal proceedings regarding the young Lost Pradyumna's adoption immediately, and then organize a great festival for his marriage to the devis Mayavati and Rukmavati! Who's with me?"

Understandably, at the mention of the almighty, most hands in the sabha went up in favour. Satyaki rushed down to the young boy. Lifting Manmatha atop his shoulders he and his attendants went out to celebrate his integration into the family. Krishna stole a glance at the balcony in the middle of the chaos, but Rukmini along with her maids had already left.

---

In accordance with Rukmini's ask, Krishna escorted Manmatha to the royal gardens himself in order for him to meet her. Mayavati followed them hesitantly from a little distance behind. Krishna had wrapped his arms around the boy. Within a short span, Krishna had grown somewhat fond of him. Not only was he a highly skilled warrior, but he was also polite and intelligent. Even Balarama seemed to be charmed by his manners by the end of it.

At the far end of the garden, Rukmini was seated atop a grand throne. Krishna was mildly surprised to see her poise. Rukmini had adorned herself with the most luxurious of the silks that she owned. Her petite frame seemed to be dripping with gold and pearls, and on her chest, sitting proudly, Krishna spotted his famous kaustubha. On her face, she wore a proud smile that was unlike anything Krishna had ever seen. On either side of her sat Satyabhama and Jambavati, squirming in their seats. When their eyes met, both of them shot apologetic looks at Krishna. At her feet, sat the coy Rukmavati, who had been summoned to Dwarka already. She immediately turned and hid her face once she saw Manmatha approaching. Behind Rukmini stood Subhadra, looking worried.

Looking upwards, on the balconies, Krishna spotted Devaki and Rohini looking down curiously, with Yashoda lurking a little further away. Vasudeva's other wives had also flocked along with the very old Queen Padmavati, King Ugrasena's wife, who had made a rare appearance to see her newfound great-grandson. Krishna and Balarama's other brothers and cousins had also come down to see the spectacle.

Manmatha walked up close to her and bowed, offering his respects to Rukmini and the other queens. Subhadra quietly came down and led Mayavati to the balcony. Rukmini smirked briefly at them but quickly turned to face the young man.

"I heard you had a gift for me." She spoke calmly, looking into his eyes. Manmatha sputtered, having been caught off guard. Rukmini continued smiling, but her eyes had hardened, "Something that you were very eager to offer to me. I would like to see that." Krishna tried to intervene, but Rukmini held out a hand to stop him.

"I'm sorry, devi, I was imprudent. I should not have created such a scene. I promise this will never happen again!" He apologized, his head bowed.

"Let him go, Rukmini, he's a child. He made a mistake, and he apologises." Krishna spoke, "I'll apologize on his behalf if you so command, devi!"

Rukmini's eyes were still stone-cold, almost drilling a hole into the boy's head, "I think my command was pretty clear, swami." She said. Her eyes seemed to play a game with Krishna. You're not the only one who can be tough, they seemed to say.

Krishna sighed and sent off an attendant, as everyone stood awkwardly trying to avoid Rukmini's gaze.

Once they brought the severed head, soaked in a vat of oil, Rukmini only glanced at it for a second before turning her gaze back to Manmatha. "Why have we put it in this container, instead of displaying it in the town square?" She asked.

Manmatha nervously looked down at his feet.

Krishna came forward, "Out of common decency, devi. Shambara might be a demon; he might have hurt us beyond repair, but he also had a family, and we would like to return his mortal remains without disrespecting them."

Mayavati who had been standing quite fearfully to the side ran up to Rukmini, and fell at her feet, scaring Rukmavati, who had already heard the many rumours surrounding this mysterious lady, causing her to jump to her feet. Mayavati looked up at Rukmini, "Please, mother, he only meant to do well. He never intended to hurt you, please do not punish him for his childish mistakes! He never meant any disrespect! He adores you and looks up to you like a mother figure. He fell in love with you the very day when he saw you playing with the children at some charity event. I know he will never replace your son, but he has always loved you from afar like a mother. When he heard of the terrible tragedy, he was determined to hunt down the demon with his bare hands! And if you're upset because of me, please do not be. If you command I will go away forever, and the princess will remain his sole queen. I have never wished to marry him or be a queen, I'll be satisfied by his happiness alone."

Rukmini felt a pang in her heart at this woman's words. She seemed to break out of a trance, as she looked at the boy properly for the first time. She almost couldn't believe the sight before her eyes. The boy who could defeat even the God of war in battle seemed to be trembling like a leaf before her. How much he must look up to her, that her mere indifference caused him this much pain! Rukmini could not believe herself. As she stared at the vat of oil, the long-dead Shambara's round, red eyes seemed to mock her. He didn't only succeed in snatching her child from her, he also took her mercy. Rukmini couldn't bear it any longer, she turned and rushed into the palace.

Krishna ran behind her. As they reached a secluded corner of the palace, Rukmini finally broke down in his arms, sobbing into his embrace. She kept apologizing to him and the young boy in a feverish rush, as Krishna tried to console her. On Krishna's signal, the servants and other family members dispersed into other parts of the palace to give them some privacy.

Eventually, Rukmini fell asleep in Krishna's arms, exhausted from the ordeals of the past year and a half.

When she awoke, Rukmini found herself lying in her own bed. As she turned to her side with some effort, she found Krishna reclining beside her, wide awake, his eyes fixed upon her face.

"What time is it?" She asked, her face red from a combination of exhaustion and embarrassment.

"Time enough for you to let yourself rest a bit," Krishna smiled, gently caressing her open hair, "I won't be here to catch you every time you pass out, devi!" He sat up, much to her dismay. He smiled again, as she tried to pull him back. She clung to his arms as though she was afraid that he might disappear. Enclosing her palms in his, Krishna whispered, "Manmatha and his two companions have been waiting for you to wake up. Several attendants from the different elders along with Bhama and Jambavati are also lining up for receiving some for news on you. Let me inform them that you've woken up, and then we can lie here as long as you want."

Hearing of the elders themselves, Rukmini had sat up, fixing her uttariya. "Can you summon the boy to see me once?" She asked meekly, "I have been unfair to him. I'd like to apologize."

Krishna led the boy in himself, an arm wrapped around him. He still looked shaken up from the events of the day. Rukmini held his hands and pulled him close, indicating to Krishna to give them privacy, "I must apologize for what I did, Manmatha. Can I call you Manmatha? I am still not ready to give up my Pradyumna." She said as she felt her eyes well up again.

Manmatha shook his head vigorously, "You may call me whatever, your grace. I never intend to take the place of Prince Pradyumna! I understand my position."

"No, you don't," Rukmini smiled sadly, "You are the single most important person in this kingdom now, as the future heir." She ran a hand through his smooth, curly hair, "I take it that you're not in love with your mother?"

Manmatha shook his head, smiling briefly to consider the absurd situation he had found himself in the matter of a day. Rukmini nodded, "Rukmavati is a good girl. Be nice to her." Rukmini sighed. "However, be careful where her father is concerned. He once tried to kill me and Krishna both." She hesitatingly added.

"Then, your grace, why did you ask me to get married to her?" Manmatha looked at her.

"Because you need to keep your enemies closer. The very first rule of politics. Before my marriage, I had heard some rumours that Jarasandha, Rukmi's overlord, was planning something big. He is also a sworn enemy of your father." Rukmini laughed at herself, "Look at me, adapting so easily to something I loathed until a few hours ago! Whatever he is planning has the potential of harming the Prince greatly. By reinitiating contact with my brother, I might be able to sniff out some details. Nevertheless, you may focus simply on keeping his daughter happy. Do not let our animosity seep into your life as well."

Manmatha couldn't stop himself from asking a question that was burning in his mind for a long time, "Devi, can't we trust anyone in this palace?"

Rukmini thought for a while, "Balarama is on our side, you can trust him wholeheartedly. Same for his family. Your other mothers, and grandparents. Akroora. Satyaki, maybe? Apart from that, be very careful! Talk less and watch more. You have to be your father's eyes and ears now." Rukmini smiled a genuine smile after a long time, "Welcome to the family!" She sighed immediately, "Do not make me regret this."

Out of the corner of her eye, Rukmini caught a glimpse of her husband leaning against the doorframe, facing away from them. "You can stop pretending that you're not listening, Krishna." She called out, as Krishna immediately turned around with a sheepish grin. Rukmini spoke, "You will never put me in this position again." She cautioned him, as Krishna shook his head in approval.

Rukmini found her heart swaying vigorously between cautious optimism and overwhelming longing as she saw the young man laughing nervously with his newfound father.

#krishna #hindu mythology #balarama #fanfic #original writing #india #subhadra #vrindavan #mahabharata #the lost flute

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