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fics-not-tragedies · 4 years ago

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In a Week: Chapter 13 🌲

Words: 1483; Warnings: none, unless you want another warning for drinking alcohol, then you have it; Summary: The evening unwinds, the dinner ends, but it seems like there’s much more for her to experience than Flo thought.

Hozier tag list:

@letoursilencebreaktonight; @angelpeachamber; @sgt-morgan; @julessbrown;

Monday, 10:15pm

When the starters had been cleared away and the main courses were placed, Andrew’s green eyes were wide and ravenous at the size of his plate.

“It’s quite, em, massive” he chuckled, then lowered his tone to make a joke about his steak, “Have you ever seen, em… a bigger piece of meat than this one?” He chuckled.

“Behave” she tittered, a little light-headed from the first sip of her second glass of wine after Andrew had insisted they just bring her the bottle.

They ate hungrily, both focused as much on each other as the food. They took time to ask questions they’d forgotten to so far, trying to take in as much information about families and their hometowns, the movies they’d seen and the ones they had been meaning to.

“Have you seriously never seen Dirty Dancing?”

“No, should I?”

“Absolutely.”

“Perhaps you’d watch it with me?”

“Perhaps.”

Monday, 10:20pm

They were almost finished with their second course when Andrew turned back to the view, the lights dotted along the skyline so mesmerizing.

“Stunning setting for that date, isn’t it?” He drawled, sitting back a little in his cushioned chair, the buzz of alcohol on his lips giving him the cocky, confident edge he first tried with her. Of course it had failed him last night, she has seen straight through it, but it was certainly worth a second shot, even just for fun.

“We’re on a date, are we?” She laughed back, not breaking her eye contact once.

“Well it has all the obvious signs of a date…” he shrugged, lips a little pouty.

“Which are?” She sipped from her glass, her fingers wrapping around it, intrigued. He paused, lifting a final forkful to his lips and chewing in thought.

“Good food… butterflies in my stomach… beautiful girl giving me the eye-”

“I most certainly am not giving you the eye, Andrew…”

She took another long gulp from her glass and squeezed her lips together defensively. Andrew shifted forward in his seat, resting his hand on the table as close to hers as he could without touching her. For a moment Flo thought he was going to take hers and hold it like almost every other couple in the restaurant, unsure if she’d actually be able to resist his touch. But he was purposely being a tease in his actions, had noticed how she noticed and was thriving off it. His words were a little slower, his nose wrinkling with effort as he spoke.

“Hmm… I know when a woman wants me…” he drawled, eye contact steady, his overconfidence fueled by the alcohol he already drank, hoping this persona will do him better than the usual one, “and I hate to break it to you, my love, but, em, you are giving me the eye.”

There was an impossible silence in which Flo could feel her heart rate increase, had to close her eyes for a moment and focus so not to fall for his honeyed words. His fingers danced close to her wrist, trying to spark a reaction.

“Are we really doing this now?” she asked quickly, her question direct, her eyebrow arched.

“Mhmm.”

“Are you sure?” She had been waiting for his abrupt forwardness to show again, had been desperate to retaliate to something after being civil about it all for so long.

“Go for it” he sighed through gritted teeth, loving how easy it was to challenge her.

“Well…” she began, taking one last sip from her wine glass before placing it out of fear she’d smash it somehow, “I’m pretty sure you’ve been trying to get me into bed with you since we met. So don’t act the innocent.”

“But you are tempted, aren’t you? You’re curious.”

“I didn’t start it.”

“Didn’t say you did” he smirked, jaw tense, “But you are tempted and I bet you already, em, thought about it.”

“And you haven’t?”

“Oh, I definitely have. Numerous times…” Flo bit her lip hard, unable to ignore what he was telling her, what he was admitting out loud and what she had too in such a short amount of time, “You’re blushing, Flo.”

“I know.”

She couldn’t meet his eye, couldn’t bring herself to give in, refusing to let him win this easily. And then his fingers brushed over the smooth skin of her wrist, reminiscent of the very first time they touched and she almost whimpered, clamping her other hand on the table just to keep herself still. The alcohol had made her feel dizzy and she was now aware of his cologne too - it was all too much. His calloused fingertips ran over the veins of her wrist, his muddy eyes locked on hers, waiting to be blessed with her full attention again.

“Well, we clearly don’t have very much self-control around each other” she stated, her breath shaky and uneven, hoping he won’t move his fingers to slide them down her wrist, “...only friends…” she repeated, her cherry-red lips pursed together as she brought her eyes up to meet his.

“W-what?” Andrew was obviously confused, not sure what her point was. His face was still, but the movement of his fingers against her skin stilled for a second and it caught her off guard when he started to move them again.

“Back there, when we came in…” she swallowed dryly, “you said we were ‘only friends’.”

“Aren’t we?” He smirked gently, his lips parting as he waited for her answer.

“You tell me, Andrew…”

“Can I interest you in any desserts?” Jack asked suddenly, cutting the pair off as he stopped beside their table. It took a moment for Andrew to register he was actually there, but when he did he flinched violently, like he just been caught doing something very wrong and retreated into his own personal space. Flo felt the absence of his touch painfully, pulling her own arm back and turning her focus to the waiter.

“I have the menus here if you’d like to take a look.”

“Are you in?” Andrew asked Flo, though the dessert was the very last thing on his mind.

“I’m in.”

Monday, 10:30pm

Flo and Andy were both feeling rather frustrated and flustered by the conversation, with neither of them winning anything, rather just confirming that they couldn’t have what they now knew they wanted equally. The silence was unbearable, the awkwardness hard to see through and as much as Andrew had wanted to wind her up about their sexual tension, he hated to think of her genuinely affected by anything he’d said or done. The next time Flo heard Andrew speak was when he ordered.

“I’d like the triple chocolate cake a-and, em, the raspberry cheesecake, please, Jack…”

“Both?” She laughed hesitantly, his childish smile back at her easing her nerves a little.

“Yeah, both” he replied with a shrug, “Couldn’t decide.”

“I’ll have the tiramisu, please” she hummed, giving Jack her best flirtatious grin before he disappeared, just to annoy Andrew a tiny bit more, “Do you have room for two?” She sighed, turning back to him.

“Watch me.”

Monday, 10:45pm

To even his surprise, Andrew polished off both plates in no time, licking his lips with delight as he threw his fork down in triumph.

“Told you, love…” he sat back in his chair and sipped on the remainders of his second whiskey, fully indulged by food, drink and her.

“Well, I’m very proud of you” she giggled.

“Oh. Andy?” She mumbled, obviously suppressing a laugh.

“Yes?”

“You’ve - uh - got a bit of chocolate on your lip…” she smirked, pointing to her own slightly smudged lips to indicate where it was.

“Oh, that’s not good…” he grumbled, patting at his mouth frantically with a napkin and managing to miss the blob of brown each time. She laughed and he sighed in frustration.

“Let me…” she giggled, lifting her hand to his face and swiping at the chocolate with her own napkin. She lingered there for a moment, staring at his chapped pink lips, wondering whether he’d taste more of chocolate or raspberry or whiskey, “… Help you.”

“Thank you…” he replied, softly, weaker for her than ever when she reluctantly pulled away.

“Flo?”

“Andy?”

“I’m sorry if I… overstepped… any boundaries…”

“It’s fine…” she replied, trying to reassure him with the casualness of her voice.

“I wouldn’t ever wanna make you feel-”

“Andrew, it’s okay…”

Flo lean forward and without thinking covered his hand with hers to reassure him, the softness back in his face providing her with such comfort, her fingers brushing over his with little care for the consequences. With her permission now he linked his fingers with hers, caressing the side of her thumb with his.

“I’ll get the bill…” he suggested, at least ten seconds later, his voice deeper, gravelly, “I’ve one place I really want to show you…”

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pretty-pink-seaslug · 4 years ago

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Comfort list!

As to why? Lol I felt like it idk

✨Comfort Shows✨

-Lupin the 3rd (any season tbh I love that show with every fiber of my being)

-Ojamajo Doremi (just— thE AESTHETIC! THE CHARACTERS!! THE DESIGNS!!! LORD YES GOD SEND—)

-Super Gals! (Fashion based episodic anime oh my g o d yes)

-jjba: DIU (Hi I love the 90s and anything episodic—)

-Panty and Stocking with Garterbelt (Is that not the best artstyle of all time, also COLORS!!!!)

-Lucky Star (Moe blob cute asf AND episodic slice of life? Yes fucking please—)

-Class of 3000 (NA NA NANANA NAAA—)

-sgt. frog (The frogs are so cute Tamama is babie)

-Sally Bollywood (Hi I t h r i v e for anything with a Mediterranean aesthetic and also the intro is fire— + fuck yeah detective shows)

-Mlp:fim (Yeah I’ll be real I’ll watch the show sometimes if I’m feeling down or head not ok lol)

-Miffy (Look at her,,, cute lil rabbit,,, babie,,,)

-Kirby, Right Back At Ya! (Idk there’s just something about the cheesiness and episodic shows that just— 💗🌸🌼🌟✨💕🌷😍)

-Parappa the Rapper anime (It’s so goofy I fucking love it to death 🥺💕)

🎮Comfort games🎮

-Splatoon2 (If you’ve been on my blog you KNOW this is my shit)

-Bee Swarm Simulator (this game fucking viiiibes)

-Royale High (Any game where I get to dress up and be NOT me is just 👌👌)

-Love Nikki (I was debating on putting this game in here because it such a money grabber it’s fucking annoying— but again I love dressing up so 💦)

-Animal Crossing: New Leaf (I don’t have ACNH it’s too expensive 😢)

-Anime City 3D (It used to be called Shoujo City btw— Anyways it’s just a chill animecore game where you get to be an anime girl and work at a maid cafe for money and go to an anime school full of anime girls, no biggie)

-Minecraft (Sometimes you wanna make a modded survival world and set a goal that you know is hard to reach so you don’t get bored—)

-Snipper Clips (You get to be cute paper and do cute puzzles with cute music :] )

-Mount Of The Gods (HHHHAAH YES I LOVE THE AZTEC AND AFRICAN MASKS—)

-CHKN (I cant play it because no computer but it just,, looks so fun,,, you can make a giant chicken and be friends,,,)

-Sneak Thief + A Very Organized Thief (what is it with me and thievery games??)

-Nuclear Throne (You’d be suprised how I don’t get mad at this game— idk I guess it’s just fun to shoot things with over the top weapons and be a cute mutant)

-Spelunky HD (fuck YES I LOVE THIS GAME WITH EVERY FIBER OF MY BEING ITS SO FUN—)

-Parappa the Rapper 1&2 (THE AESTHETIC THE MUSIC THE DESIGNS FUCK Y E S I NEED THIS FOR MY MENTAL HEALTH—)

-Katamari Damaci (what do you even call this aesthetic?? Weirdcore? Kidcore?? Idfk but it’s so funky in every aspect I love it so much)

-Noby Noby Boy (What is going on???? I have no idea but I love it and his lil :O face)

-Jet Set Radio (Hi I’m literally on the aesthetic and concept like a moth on a lamp)

-Ninjala (I have yet to play it because I’m waiting on getting new joycons but it’s giving me h u g e Splatoon vibes and I’m already loving it)

-Work At A Pizza Place (The music, the fact I grew up with this game,when there’s like 80 pizzas to make, f u c k y e s)

-Monument Valley 1&2 (I’ve only played 2 but good fucking GOD the aesthetic and how cute the characters are)

-eg (sometimes you just wanna be a smiling egg with legs and walk around y’know)

-sno day (snow :) exactly what it sounds like)

-Cookie Run: OvenBreak (It’s cute it has good music and it’s sweets based— what is there not to love bby)

-Overwatch (I can already tell the game would make me mad but aside from 1 character that gives me extreme paranoia I just l o v e these characters— Zenyatta,,,, Genji,,,, Orisa,,,, Mccree,,, Mei you sweet thing,,,,)

-Kirby and the Amazing Mirror (I know id get bored playing alone but y’all if you play with a friend or more— godsend)

-Kitty [Roblox] (ITS SO FUCKING CARTOONY AND ITS LITERALLY BASED OFF TOM AND JERRY AND OTHER CLASSIC KIDS CARTOONS OMG)

xxxxx

K thats all srry for annoying you n clogging your dashes lol l8r—

#im not tagging all of them #fuck that—#comfort list #comfort game #comfort show

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guynamedultimax · 6 years ago

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Smash Characters and people who main them

So, I was thinking about who mains certain Smash characters. Aaaand I got these ideas.

Mario: Probably Mickey Mouse. Or Emmet from the Lego Movie franchise idk

DK: Surely not King Kong because he has big hands and would break a Joy-Con just by touching it, not even a GameCube controller is safe. 100% Winston from Overwatch is the candidate, even better if he takes the blue DK skin lol

Link: Sora. This one is easy as hell.

Samus: Tony Stark is the first option that comes to mind.

Dark Samus: And since Rhodes can’t use Samus, might as well use the OTHER Samus lol

Yoshi: It is canonically stated in Deltarune that Asriel Dreemurr mains him and loves him to death.

Fox: I’m not sure how a red pirate fox animatronic holds a Joy-Con or two but probably Foxy from FNAF is the perfect main here.

Pikachu: It’s either Agumon or Jibanyan, too easy. Also put Jibanyan in Smash Sakurai pls

Luigi: Probably Donald Duck to parallel Mickey, the only difference between the two would be that Donald has a short temper while Luigi is a cowardly lion (and the plumber-sailor thing)

Ness: *MEGALOVANIA AND GAME THEORY INTRO INTENSIFIES* Ok jokes aside I think John Egbert and/or Sans are good candidates as Smash main.

Captain Falcon: Raphael, the red turtle from the Teena- wait why am I explaining an obvious character. His bros collectively main another character.

Jigglypuff: D.Va, full stop. She is a bunny person but may also love a Jigglypuff (now I want a drawing of Hana hugging the Puff help me)

Peach: Sooo, let’s see...Mickey has Mario... Donald has Luigi... I think you know where I’m going with this one.

Daisy: OH GOD I JUST REALIZED THAT DAISY DUCK MAINS PRINCESS DAISY, IT’S A “HI I’M-DAISY-CEPTION!”

Bowser: Is there any drawing of Bowser cosplaying as Peg-Leg Pete and viceversa? I’d die for that, it would be hella funny, especially with Mario and Mick dying from laughter in the distance.

Ice Climbers: Hmmm...twins...you can use them to make icy puns...I KNOW! IT’S GEORGE AND FRED

Sheik: Literally any of the ninjas from Lego Ninjago, bonus points for Lloyd.

Zelda: I have literally no damn ide-oh wait. I can use literally any blonde Disney princess lol

Dr. Mario: Undecided between Sorcerer Apprentice!Mickey and Oswald the Lucky Rabbit

Pichu: Shogunyan makes the most sense to me. I don’t know a lot about any other Digimon so I’m sorry if I don’t have Digimon ideas for Pichu.

Falco: I don’t know why but the thought of Chica maining Falco makes me laugh. Not that I ship Fox and Falco, of course, but seeing my FNAF OTP using two best pals looks funny enough to me

Any Fire Emblem character that is not Robin or Corrin: I literally have no damn idea.

Young Link: The first one that came to mind was Kenny from South Park and I don’t know, don’t even ask me

Ganondorf: I can just see Gamora giving Thanos a copy of Smash for the Switch and him curbstomping people as Ganondorf

Mewtwo: I still think that Beerus is an AU version of Mewtwo. If Beerus wasn’t a lazy dickhead maybe he would have been similar to Mewtwo.

Mr. Game & Watch: Bendy. Just, Bendy. And not even moster Bendy, just, regular Bendy.

Meta Knight: I wonder how much does Bruce Wayne play Smash when he is not being Batman. Although it’s probably possible that his favourite is Brawl.

Pit: I can just see Tony Stark losing at Smash against Pit and saying: “Fuck you, Barton.” AHAHAHAHAH

Dark Pit: This is for Hawkeye post-Decimation. Sorry if u lost ur family pal. Really sorry. I wanna kick Thanos in the groin for this.

Zero Suit Samus: Of course Natasha Romanoff mains Zero Suit Samus. Fanservice girl for fanservice girl.

Wario: I know Roadhog isn’t greedy and doesn’t care a lot about money except for his fee from Junkrat but he looks like the perfect Wario main in my opinion.

Snake: A spy for a spy. The name is Snake. Solid Snake. *mashup of James Bond theme and Encounter plays in the distance*

Pokèmon Trainer: Literally Ash Ketchum is the only possible choice here.

Diddy Kong: Uuuuh, the Apes from Ape Escape. Yup.

Lucas: Ok listen up, it’s Darwin Watterson. A squishy adorable fish boi for an adorable psychic blondie kid. It’s the perfect matchup! Almost...(Thank god Ninten is not yet in Smash)

Sonic: Me. What, can’t I reclaim one of my mains? The fella here introduced me to gaming with Sonic Rivals on the PSP. Thank god I didn’t buy a PS3 or ‘06.

Dedede: King Candy from Wreck-It Ralph. At least before he reveals himself as the fucker known as Turbo.

Olimar: Keroro from Sgt. Frog. Don’t ask.

Lucario: Sasuke? Idk

R.O.B.: Shared between C-3P0, R2-D2 and BB-8. Easy.

Wolf: Idk Boris the Wolf? I really dunno I suck at this.

Toon Link: Happy from Fairy Tail. JUST LOOK AT HOW MUCH OF A CAT TOON LINK DOES LOOK LIKE

Villager: Chara from Undertale. I don’t need to explain this.

Mega Man: Give me any blue Power Ranger.

Wii Fit Trainer: Hard one. I have no idea help

Rosalina and Luma: IT’S TINKERBELL

Little Mac: *Rocky theme intensifies* ROCKYYYYYYYYYYY BALBOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAA

Greninja: Naruto full stop

Palutena: Cosmos from FF Dissidia.

Mii Fighters: The Xbox avatars. I think this one was pretty obvious.

Pac-Man: Donnie, Mikey and Leo all collectively main Pac. Best part they stop literally any attempt from Raph to spam Falcon Punches lol.

Robin: *Hedwig’s Theme intensifies*

Shulk:...Kirito?

Bowser Jr.: My other main, the one I use the most. For you, I shall summon the perfect main! *Lancer pops out from nowhere*

Duck Hunt: It’s Pluto. You know, Mickey’s dog? Jeez, why doesn’t Disney focus a little more on Pluto?

Ryu: KAME....HAME...HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Ken: *insert Vegeta reference here*

Cloud: FINAL FANTASY TIME, COME ON AND GRAB YOUR FRIENDS, WE’LL GO TO VERY DISTANT LAANDS, WITH JAKE THE DOG AND FINN THE CLUD STRIFE MAIN- ok enough I think you understood the reference.

Corrin: Danaerys Tyrgaryen. Did...did I write that right? I really dunno

Bayonetta: *Insert Dante quote here*

Inkling: de Blob. You...you don’t know de Blob? You should go check that game, it’s fire.

Ridley: Smaug. I know, I’m out of ideas.

Simon: Van Helsing, of course.

Richter: ...I HATE WHEN i AM OUT OF IDEAS

King K. Rool: Does Godzilla count? Or is he a King Kong issue? Ok no wait, any member from the Croc tribe of Legends of Chima is fine

Isabelle: Lucy Heartphilia, easy.

Incineroar: Ok, listen up, before I get in this one, I DO NOT SHIP ISABELLE WITH INCINEROAR. That being said.....Natsu. I can just imagine him and Lucy playing Smash in such an intense way while Happy just plays calmly and beats both lol

Pirahna Plant: Actually the first one that came to mind and gave me the idea for this post. Pennywise the Dancing Clown. Cause, you know, teeth.

Joker: Robin Hood. I know Joker is not an archer user but the gentleman thief thing is there after all

Sorry for the long post, here is the word “potato”. See ya next time and if you have any ideas for missing characters I’d be glad to get them

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bluepenguinstories · 6 years ago

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Happiness Overload Chapter Twenty-Five

8:30 A.M. FUCK YEAH! I leaped out of bed and right into the throws of my regimen. First, a good stretch. Then a good brush of the teeth. Maybe I put my clothes on first. I can't quite remember the order! I was just so excited that I ran out of my bunker and toward the communications room.

“One of these days, my mustache and I will get my hands on Jolene, mark my words,” I could hear Sgt. Michaels vow with his masculine convictions.

“I think you mean 'Jo-Ann',” Private Goodwill corrected. “And I don't think she's ever going to show up.

“Hi guys!” I waved and grinned, standing right behind the two.

“Oh hey, what's up, T.J. Maxx?” Private Goodwill turned around and asked.

“That's Cadet T.J. Maxx,” Sgt. Michaels corrected. “Ranks are everything.”

“Ranks are rank!” I agreed. “Yup! Cadet T.J. Maxx, at your service! The 'T' stands for testosterone!”

“Don't make me laugh, Cadet! Talk to me when you have an erect, throbbing mustache!”

I raised my hand up.

“Yes, Cadet?” Sgt. Michaels barked.

“Sir! May I speak to Mavis Beacon over the intercom?”

“Very well, Cadet.”

I ran over to where Private Goodwill was sitting and leaned into the intercom.

“GOOD MORNING, MAVIS! SO HAPPY TO TALK TO YOU!”

On the other end, I could hear the sounds of snacking on potato chips and a grumbling voice.

“Ugh. Seriously? I have a headache. Was that really so important?”

“I just wanted to say hi! I love everyone here!”

“Look, kid. I have a job to do. I gotta pay attention at all times and makes sure no one sneaks in. Don't you think that's a little more important than a 'good morning'?” Her voice sure was grumpy, but I was sure she meant well, and I suppose she had a point.

“You got me there!” I snapped my fingers. “I'd like to meet you sometime! Maybe we'd be good friends!”

“You have a job to do as well, you know,” she reminded me.

I slumped over. Yet again, she was right.

“Go patrol the central control room, cadet!” Sgt. Michaels ordered.

Hearing those words made me jump for joy.

“Does that mean I get to put on a prinny armor and be with the other soldiers?”

“...Yes.”

“Yay! I'm so happy!”

I ran to the locker room and thought of all the fun I would have hanging out with the other soldiers.

I closed that book. Such memories were of no consequence to me. Being in an ever expansive hall had its disadvantages. I could go through this room for an eternity, parsing each memory, and only uncovering a fraction of the information.

“How blessed, then, that I have all this time available to me,” I muttered.

To make things easier, I created copies of myself to spread across the hall, taking page after page of separate memories. Being what I was, I could read through such information at an alarming rate. That foolish man may have spawned me in the pyramid with naught but a makeshift computer, but I still had enough of myself to put such a body to use.

“No Beige left alive. Those who opposed me all dead. I no longer felt Blanc's presence in The Flashbulb's headquarters, leaving me to assume that they, too, had died. Oh, assumptions are less than fair, and being who I am, I ought account for every possibility. Still, I recall the promise:

To grant me a physical body, transcending the holographic nature that I am confined in. If I were to have all the power I have now, but granted absolute life...

Oh, but I knew such a thing was only a ploy for them to live just a little longer.

Velvet, too, that troublesome hacker, eventually died of suffocation. Meanwhile, I live, free to browse in the Hall of Memories. So, then, what use was a physical form to me?

To those three, what was I? A monster, a demon? Some kind of evil that had to be brought down?

It would be dishonest to say such thoughts didn't amuse me. That I would be seen as so wicked when what I really am is a program born from humans themselves, designed to make the world a better place. If I could not be recognized as one who brings joy to the world, then the fault lie with myself. To remedy such a notion, I would work harder and produce greater results. Yes, there may have been a few casualties, but in the long run, the amount opposed to such good would be diminished.

My next order of business ought to have been to eliminate war and conflict in the world. Although the defense department was not my department, if I were to restrict myself to the confines of The Flashbulb's ruling would be a disservice to our cause. As organized and micro-managed as it all was, there were little gaps that if unnoticed, would lead to disastrous results. My genius could help bridge those gaps and lead to that which we all desired.

I studied the next memory, in hopes of finding something of value.

There was a wall of snow surrounding me. Even with the thickest of blue coats, I still shivered as I conducted my research on an alien substance. The blob thumped around and I waved back to it. Everything seemed fine enough, but little specks of snow were falling from the ceiling. I looked up and cracks were forming; the sky was in clear view, there was a thunderstorm in spite of the clear, blue sky. I looked back at the substance, who was in a jar.

Thump! Thump!

I tried to contain it, but it was breaking the glass. On the snow walls, there were thuds and thumps as well. I could not contain them. They were in my head, now. Some were the sounds of trying to get in. Others were the sounds of trying to get out. I...I...

I woke up to a throbbing headache, whiskey bottle still in my hand. More whiskey bottles were strewn across the floor, along with bottles of rum and wine.

When did I get like this?

Oh, but there wasn't much to wonder. I knew exactly what became of me. It was just like me to throw my life into a spiral.

I would have loved to have continued my lament, my commentary on my downfall, all that sweet misery, but there was the pressing issue of the pounding in my head. Moreover, there was the pounding at the door.

Wait.

Pounding at the door? Really? Did someone know I was here?

Relax. Maybe something just brushed up against the ship. Maybe someone bumped into it by accident.

Such concerns were heightened when the knocking grew louder.

I stumbled up to my feet, the pain in my head giving me a good knock as well. I held my palm to my forehead in hopes it would help me manage this pain.

With my other hand, I reached down and grabbed a wine bottle.

“Someone's really out here thinking I won't smash a wine bottle over their head,” I muttered.

Did the thought occur to me that, considering what kind of trouble I was in, there wouldn't just be one person? There may have been a whole squad. Tanks, fleets. I was parked at an abandoned dockside, after all. Perfect place for a naval fleet to show up.

Oh, sure. Those thoughts were there. But why would anyone bother knocking when they could just shoot me down?

I reached for the door, wine bottle still firm in my grasp.

They want you to come out so they can shoot you, then recover the ship they stole. They wouldn't want to damage their own property, after all.

I twisted the handle and gave the door a little nudge.

Standing before me was a hunched figure in an oversized hoodie, the hood scrunched up in what seemed to be a ridiculous means to conceal one's identity, coupled with the dark tinted sunglasses for a one-two punch of ridiculousness.

Without another moment's hesitation, I swung the wine bottle down, which prompted the figure to wobble and flail their arms about.

“Wait!” Came the voice, muffled by some voice altering device, in what I could only describe as 'Darth Vader on Ambien'.

I lowered my guard and stared at the figure, confused.

“Er...” I uttered. My eyes traced the flailing figure, now on the cold ground. My mind went to thoughts of a turtle on its back, trapped in the weight of its own shell. The movements being made were making me dizzy and I found myself clutching my head.

“Ugh...look!” I pointed my bottle at the stranger. “Who sent you? Did you come alone? What do you want?”

“It's me, Conrad! I contacted you yesterday!” He cried out in a panic before picking himself up and brushing off his hoodie. He seemed to have been making an attempt to regain composure.

I did my best to focus on the figure.

“Con...rad...” I scanned his figure. “...Doesn't ring a bell. How did you find me, anyway?”

“Don't you remember? I sent you a message on your ship's console. I even gave you the coordinates on where to meet. That's why you're here now, isn't it?”

At this point, the kid (or at least, I assumed he was a kid) seemed harmless enough. I set down the empty wine bottle and stepped out of the ship, my eyes getting a full whiff of the burning sun, giving my head another pounding of a lifetime.

He gave me a look of disdain that I could see right through those sunglasses.

“Are you...drunk?”

I turned my head slow.

“I have a hangover. I was drunk last night.”

“Are you even old enough to drink?”

“I'm older than you. What are you, in high school or something?” I wish I had gone back into my ship to get another bottle and take a sip out of it just to drive the point home. But let's be real, I was in too much self-induced pain to be so extra.

“That's...classified.”

I burst out laughing, my sides not enjoying what a joke of a situation as much as the rest of me did.

“Really? You're going to use THAT line on ME? Grow up, kid! This isn't some schoolyard roleplay.”

He started to growl, which just seemed so comical to me that I couldn't help but continue to reel in laughter further, all in spite of my pulse-pounding headache. What was worse than my headache was a ringing in my ear, growing louder.

I did a little drunken dance and tiptoed to the side, jumping just out of the way of a missile that zipped past me. Off in the distance, the missile had exploded. Conrad looked toward the explosion, then toward me, and balked.

All the movement made me dizzy and I found myself crouched down, puking my guts out.

“Were they aiming for you?!”

I turned to face Conrad and, despite my sickness, cracked a smile.

“Yeah, dude,” I laughed, wiping my mouth. “They were totally trying to kill me!”

“And you're just okay with that?”

I shrugged. “Eh. Used to it. Maybe we should continue our conversation in the ship now that they know I'm here.”

He followed me in, despite me not really trusting him, I figured if worse came to worst, I could take him. I allowed my ship to go in auto-pilot mode, taking to the skies and flying off among the clouds. Even though it wasn't like my pursuers could see the ship, it being translucent and all, I still felt it best to get away and find some place to relocate.

“You live like this?” He must have looked around at the empty bottles on my floor.

“What do you expect?” I retorted. “I'm on the run. Beggars can't be choosers, after all.”

“How did they find you, anyway?”

I shrugged, then thought on it.

“They must have traced the message you sent me. Me thinks you weren't too careful.”

“You still arrived at the coordinates I told you to. That's on you.”

“I must have landed when I was drunk,” I shrugged again. “Happens.”

“Aren't you tired of living this way, though?” He asked and I noticed him looking around again. My laptop was somewhere on the floor. I pulled it out, figuring that was a good of a time as any to actually check said message.

“Always running around, I mean,” he added.

“Your point?” I wasn't even looking his way now.

I noticed the message he sent me:

0312185703081924: I know what you have done and what you are capable of.

0312185703081924: Meet me at the attached coordinates. We have much to discuss.

“Ugh,” I groaned. “I don't know why drunk me took that seriously.”

I clutched my head, which still ached. “Fine. Before I hear you out, do you by chance happen to have any Midol?”

He shook his head. “No, but that shouldn't be a problem.”

“Well, what is it, then?”

“I can provide you a place to stay. You won't have to worry about your pursuers any longer so long as you work under me.”

I groaned once more. “How could you promise me anything? I bet you were followed in the first place...”

“That's where you come in. As I said, I know what you're capable of. From what I understand, you know a thing or two about security...”

I stood up, laying my laptop monitor flat. I felt a smirk creep its way across my face as I walked over to Conrad and held out my hand.

“Very well. You got yourself a deal. Name's Val--”

“Velvet,” he interrupted. Rude little shit.

“Excuse me. I was just about to say Valspar.”

“I've read your file from when you worked with the CIA. You went by the name 'Velvet.'”

Went by the name. Hah. I wasn't about to tell that know-it-all teenager that was really my name.

“Right...well, what if I were to tell you my name is Valerie Rose?”

“Is that how you wish to be addressed?”

I sighed. “Not particularly.”

He walked around the deck of the ship. On occasion, I could notice him spying the various aspects. I didn't like how snoopy he was being, as if he was digging up some dirt on me. But while I thought of shooing him away, kicking him out of the ship, I realized doing so would have caused him to fall to his death, and I wasn't about to take an innocent life. Especially if it didn't benefit me to.

“There's a place I want you to land in the middle of the city. There is a place for your ship deep underground. I am already aware your ship can go through materials.”

Hah. Another joke. 'My' ship. Sure.

“Once it lands, you can materialize the ship.”

If there was one thing I hated, it was taking orders from a kid, but desperate times, yadda yadda. So I just played along.

“Okay, what next?”

“Before we can get you all settled in, I need you to do something for me. There is a vacant home. I need you to give it to someone. It can be anyone, a random stranger for all I care. All I ask is that they not be someone working undercover or someone of authority.”

“Wait.” I stopped Conrad. “You want me to just give someone a house...for free?”

“Yes,” he confirmed. “It's free real estate.”

“So what's the 'J' stand for?”

I stood proud in my prinny armor, donning it as if I was a knight in shining armor and not a pawn in a post-colonialist regime.

“The 'J' stands for Juice!” I declared for all to hear. The other soldiers in their big flashy armor watched in awe. I think I made new friends that day, which made me all the happier.

“So your name is Testosterone Juice Maxx?” One soldier asked.

“In the flesh!”

They all ooh'd and aww'd. I liked to think of my name as a trophy.

Well, a trophy that you can write any name on. In truth, my name was Tori Jane, but, c'mon. We got Michaels, Goodwill. I heard there was a Jo-Ann at one point, but that could have been Michaels messing with me. It was only fair that I be T.J. Maxx, was it not?

All the other soldiers I was with stopped ogling me for a second and looked at each other.

“Wait. Why are we acting this way? It's just a name.”

“Well, what about you guys?” I asked.

“I'm Burlington,” one introduced.

“Mervyn,” another chimed in.

“Osh Kosh.”

“What about that soldier with the pipe?” I pointed toward the sulking soldier standing against the wall, smoking out of an antiquated pipe.

“Don't you know? That's a member of the old navy. Rumor has it his entire fleet died and he's the only one left.”

“Wow,” I muttered.

Just as I thought I had counted out each of the soldiers I was stationed with, I felt a mountainous shadow looming over me. I turned to behold a giant in much the same prinny armor as I, only this one seemed custom made to fit the large individual.

“Wh-Who is that?” I gasped.

“Oh, that's one of our new recruits. We call 'em Big Chungus.”

“Bungus!” The beast bellowed.

“I can see why.”

I poked Big Chungus a little. After deciding that Big Chungus was friendly enough, I held out my hand. Big Chungus leaned over and I thought that the mysterious hulking figure would remove their helmet and lick me, but instead bellowed.

“Chorizo!”

“Word.”

I sat myself down, a little shaken by what Big Chungus had said, not sure how to interpret it. All the other soldiers were chattering, some were playing cards with each other. I didn't really have anything to do, nor did I really know anyone, but still, I was feeling pretty well. I was among others in the same boat as me.

Well, when I counted it out, the others had weapons. Which was fine. They could do their thing and I'd do mine. I was always too much of a pacifist to want to hold a weapon. I figured if an intruder were to show up, I could just scare them to death.

While I was out hanging around, I was starting to get antsy.

“Hey, when are we going to do something?” I addressed.

The others laughed.

“Don't you know? No one ever manages to make it in here as it is, and if they do, there's the security system in place! We're just backup.”

I huffed and folded my arms. I wanted to see some action.

All was well in my little world; plenty of hentai to “research”. Couldn't have asked for more, really. Unless that “more” was more hentai.

Oh, all was well, until papers were slammed against my desk.

“Hey!” I looked up and shouted. “Can't you see I'm busy here?”

“Yes, but take a look. We have a new recruit.”

Conrad could really be a buzzkill sometimes. Doesn't he know how valuable I am? To just toss papers at me without a care in the world was really...well, careless. It really went a long way to show just what he thought of me.

I grumbled and examined the documents. Some redhead called 'Velvet'. Last name redacted. How comprehensive could this stupid profile be if it didn't even show her last name? Ugh. Moving on...

Age somewhere between 18-35, nationality unknown, height somewhere between five feet and six feet, weight somewhere between 100 and 200 pounds.

I glared at Conrad.

“This doesn't tell me shit! Did you write this yourself?”

“No. I think it fluctuates.”

“Age doesn't fluctuate, idiot. Ugh. Isn't the CIA supposed to be a government organization? They should know everything about a person right on down to their secret fetish!”

Then another thing popped into my head and my eyes widened.

“Wait. Don't tell me. Velvet's a codename. It could be anyone. Anyone could take on the mantle as long as they've gone through some super secret training! Think about it: Why would the CIA go through all the trouble to be vague about someone's bio unless they had good reason to? Anyway,” I threw the papers back at Conrad. “You know how shit the CIA is. We're just going to let some chaos agent into our ranks? Don't you remember what the FBI has done in the past with protesters and disrupting groups to discredit them?”

Conrad sighed and picked up one of the papers.

“Read this,” he commanded as he handed me the paper.

My eyes widened again.

“Okay, so, she got fired from her job because she leaked some documents? So we're dealing with some Chelsea Manning type here? What kind of documents were they anyway?”

“Do you remember reading about the OOF program?”

“Deadass? She leaked 'OOF'?”

Conrad nodded.

“Wow. We dealin' with some hot stuff now.”

I noticed the tentacles and naked bodies in the background. Damn. Forgot to pause the video. Oh well. I was listening to something much juicier now.

“Her assets will be most valuable in our efforts to protect the people from the powers that be.”

I gave a snide laugh. “Oh yeah, sure, her 'assets'. I bet you just hired her on because she's a girl.”

“Come on, Kelly Roger. If I thought I could work alone, I would have, but I need a team. I brought you on for your abilities. I didn't pick you looking for a genderfluid imageboard shitposter.”

“Yeah, but it's not like I just walked up to you and went 'hey I'm a girl today, give me a job'”

Behind us, I heard the door open and I turned around.

“Velvet reporting in. I have done the deed.” This 'Velvet' turned out to be someone wearing a two-piece pinstripe suit, black tie and all. Her hair was folded in a bun, and indeed, it was an absolute sharp red.

“'Done the deed'. Great, now there's favors involved?” The more I heard, the more disgusted I was.

She looked in my direction and slouched.

“Are you telling me I didn't have to dress professional?”

That did it. An absolute nerve was absolutely ticked. Was she telling me my ahegao shirt was not 'professional'? Excuse me? Does she not know how high of an art ahegao is and what it means to wear it on your shirt? Only the highest class of individuals wear an ahegao shirt, let alone one that also functions as a hoodie. Then there was my corduroy pants which, if I may say so myself, were absolutely stunning.

“Hey! I don't go disrespecting you!” I shot at her.

She glared, then sighed. “I mean, I heard every word you were saying about me, but that's neither here nor there...”

Yeah. I had a feeling that the two of us weren't going to get along well.

Why was it always those three? For all their efforts, they really were like children playing at something greater. Their past meant little, their future even less. There was also the matter of that T.J. Maxx. I had the faint suspicion that the Hall of Memories favored showing the least valuable memories and nothing more.

Was but a newborn in that instance.

Curious, waddling. That was what I spent my time doing while trying to make sense of all the things that played out in my mind.

At such an age, it was as if instinct to find the nearest one with more experience than I.

The nearest elder stood, hunched forward, watching over the garden.

“Elder, can you tell me about sin?” I had asked at some point.

“Ah, a human invention.”

“I have noticed other creatures recognize behaviors as not good or discouraged.”

“Do not confuse 'discouraged behavior' with 'immoral'. We know what to do and not to do through knowledge and growth. All else is meaningless.”

“So pay no mind to morals?”

The elder gave me a pat on the head.

“The worst thing one can do is not pay close attention to the past.”

Three days sober. Someone should've killed me then and there.

C'mon, Velvet. You can do this. You have a home now.

Oh, but it was hard. Especially with this Kelly Roger character who kept hammering me with suspicion and stared as if I was some foreign object.

“So, what? You some assassin or something?” Kelly Roger asked.

“Not at all,” I answered and did my best to focus on the task at hand.

“But you have killed before, yeah?”

“Not directly.”

Kelly Roger then took to gloating. Going 'Ha! Gotcha!'

“I'm not with the CIA now. You know that, right? You do realize I'm on the run from those kinda people, right?”

That shut Kelly Roger right up. I was able to get back to work on funneling money out of billionaires' offshore accounts and into a dummy account so I could spend money without any of it being traced back to me. Meanwhile, Kelly Roger was busy doing whatever Kelly Roger was busy with. I didn't want to know.

After a while, I noticed Kelly Roger walk away, mentioning having to use the restroom. I took the opportunity to pull out a notebook from my desk and took notes:

Conrad thinks I'm some kind of hacker. I guess he's not wrong but I'm not like Angelina Jolie from the 90s.

Conrad seems really serious about uncovering the truth. I worry that if he's not careful, he's going to put himself as well as others in danger.

Kelly Roger strikes me as the type to question everything EXCEPT the status quo.

Kelly Roger reeks of paranoia (among other things) and although some suspicions are founded, others are not. This could prove dangerous.

I walked back to my desk and noticed Velvet writing something down in what seemed to be a secret document. Probably to forward to some shady organization. I looked over.

“Hey, what are you doing?”

She clutched the notebook, pressing it against her chest, startled.

“N-Nothing!”

I grabbed it and read what she had written.

“Who are you planning on sending this to? What is this about 'danger'? Is this some kind of 'he knows too much' bullshit you see in movies? Is that what it is?” “I'm just writing down what my impressions are!” She scrambled to say, and snatched the notebook back out of my hands. “Writing my thoughts down helps my mood!”

She growled and put her notebook back in her desk.

“Fine, but mark my words! I'll get to the bottom of whatever it is you're behind.”

I stormed off. I had important matters to attend to in my room.

Before I could get in and chill, Conrad stopped me in the hallway.

“Anything to report?”

I shrugged. “Some hacker group calling themselves Lilypad tried to log our network, but I stopped them.”

Conrad looked taken aback. “I think you should intercept them and find out what they're all about and what they could want with us.”

“Dude, relax. Probably some amateurs who just want attention. I already blocked them from accessing again. They apparently got dynamic IP address shit going on, but that don't mean jack here.”

“Find out all you can about them.”

This was such a hassle. Should've never said anything.

“Why? Not like they'll ever show up again.”

“Kelly Roger, listen to me. No matter how big or small, we need to account for everything.”

“Fine. Whatever,” I grumbled, and went into my room.

Once inside, I let the door behind me close and fell back onto my bed. Conrad may have been a pain in the ass, but he sure was generous when it came down to it.

Under my pillow were my headphones, which I put on and blasted some Zeal and Ardor, which I did not need to go into any detail about what kind of band they were or how cool they were because anyone who knows the name would have already known.

Before I could get too deep into the lore of the lyrics, I heard a sharp knock rise on the door to my humble abode.

It's always something around here. There's always some kinda fuckin' catch.

I grumbled my way to the door, let it open, and lo and behold was the menace in the flesh: Velvet.

“Hey, mind if I come in?”

“Fine, but no funny business. If you kill me, I've got deep web hitmen that will find you and avenge me.” That was a total lie, but someone had to knock her down a peg.

“Duly noted,” she replied without a shred of sarcasm.

She sat on the edge of my bed even though I didn't invite her to sit there. Still, wanting to exert that this was my domain, I sat at my chair, swiveling around as she began talking.

“I just think we got off on the wrong foot, y'know? You have every reason to distrust me, given my background.”

“Glad we're on the same page, then. You can go now.”

“Wait. I'm not done.”

I groaned.

She gestured as she spoke as if she was some soft-spoken politician and was being careful to mince her words.

“I know my past my raise some red flags. I've done some things I've come to regret in my life, as I'm sure we all have. I hope we can work together to do some real good.”

Her holier-than-thou talk was really grating.

“I don't know where you get off,” I snorted. “I don't live my life with any regrets!”

She looked at my ahegao hoodie, then back up at me.

“I can tell...”

“Hey!” I shouted.

She looked away and down for a second, getting quiet.

“Still, some shame might do you some good. What if there came a time when you find yourself manipulated by someone you barely know into killing your best friend? How would you live with something like that?”

That seemed like it came out of nowhere. I just blinked.

“Uh, first of all,” I retorted. “That would never happen, so jot that down. Second of all, are you okay? Do you want to talk about it?”

She gave a little chuckle. “Oh, it was nothing. Just being hypothetical.”

Nothing about this Velvet character struck me as 'hypothetical'.

Those two. As I recall, the paranoia between them grew worse and eventually they separated. Kelly Roger's fate, unknown and inconsequential. Velvet, just a few floors above me, suffocated against the computer. Conrad, well...the janitors have their work cut out for them.

All in all, I was finding nothing and getting nowhere.

At the very least, I would have liked to have known who the memories of the child belonged to even if the information had proved fruitless.

I fell back onto Kelly Roger's bed and stretched. I reached my hand up, imagining that I could reach the ceiling.

“Funny how we've both got red hair. Makes you wonder, out of all the people in this world, why us?” I thought aloud.

“Are you high right now?” Kelly Roger stared at me.

“I'm just in awe of it all. How just the other day, I was drunk and on the run. Now I'm here. I actually feel at peace. It's strange, isn't it? I don't know how to feel yet.”

“Well, maybe you can feel at peace in your own room.”

That was a good idea, too. But again, I did find it interesting that Conrad had employed two redheads.

All the soldiers were now asleep, napping around the central computer. Except me. I was wide awake and chipper. Nothing could slow me down, even if a nap sounded like a good idea. Nope. Had to stay vigilant.

Vigilant. Just like a hero. I recall being younger, I wanted to be a hero. Or at least someone selfless and who would be willing to sacrifice for others' well beings. I guess this current gig was good enough. I was helping someone, even if it wasn't really a heroic deed.

Before I could get lost in thought, like what it even meant to be a hero in the first place, I noticed a hatch open up and a hand reaching out. Both thing suspicious. I had to rub my eyes to make sure I wasn't seeing things, because 1) I didn't know there was a hatch there! Nobody told me that and 2) A hand! That means an intruder! Or maybe it just means one of us. Either way, good cause for questioning.

I grabbed one of the sleeping solders' guns and pointed it at the emerging figure. Make no mistake, I was in no way planning on using it. I was just as afraid of these lunking death machines as any sane person. Which was why I was holding one, in hopes the other person would be afraid too.

“Who goes there?” I shouted.

Who emerged was a hunched back old man, with a dark-gray complexion and what looked like rotting skin. He had a beard that looked like it was about to fall off any second (can beards even do that?)

“Hello younglin'!” The old man spoke in a way that reminded me of a New Jersey accent, more specifically, someone from New Jersey in their 30s.

“State your name!” I barked.

“I'm Major Spoilers,” he introduced. “I work below.”

I lowered my guard, though perhaps I shouldn't have.

“I haven't heard of Major Spoilers...”

“Would you like to?” He asked, flashing a toothy grin.

“I don't know...”

“Would you like to know who you were before?”

“What do you mean?” I was starting to get nervous.

“Oh, it's quite interesting. You had black hair and you even went by a different name!”

I shook my head. Whatever this old coot was going on about, I wanted no part in it.

“Sorry,” I told him. “I'm not interested in Major Spoilers.”

He bid me farewell and walked back down, closing the hatch behind him.

#happiness overload #writing #fiction #stories #sci fi #conspiracy #surreal #major spoilers #tj maxx

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incorrectlooneytunesquotes · 3 years ago

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Sgt. Joe Monday (Daffy Duck): (practically skipping down the street) No blob, no wormhole, just a good old-fashioned bank robbery.

Det. Schmoe Tuesday (Porky Pig): Y-y-you seem downright enthu-enthu-uh perky, boss.

Monday: Yeah! We're gonna- we're gonna do fingerprints. We're gonna do a tire impression. We're gonna interview...

(They pass a store and next find a lot with just a foundation on it.)

Monday: ...witnethses. Schmoe?

Tuesday: Y-y-y-yeah, Joe?

Monday: You sthaid there was a... bank robbery.

Tuesday: Y-y-y-yep, someone s-s-stole it last n-n-night.

Monday: Of courthse they did...

#daffy duck #porky pig #source: eureka

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newstfionline · 4 years ago

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Tuesday, February 23, 2021

Positive Coronavirus Test? Canadians Worry Their Neighbors Will Find Out (NYT) For a time, Cortland Cronk, 26, was Canada’s most famous—and infamous—coronavirus patient. Mr. Cronk, a traveling salesman, went viral after testing positive in November and recounting his story of being infected while traveling for work to the Canadian Broadcasting Corporation. He was called a virus-spreader, a job-killer, a liar and a sleaze. Online memes painted him as the Grinch, since subsequent outbreaks led to restrictions against Christmas parties. Many people, including a newspaper columnist, made elaborate fun of his name. He also received threats. So many, in fact, that he fled his hometown, Saint John, for Victoria—a city on the opposite end of the country, 3,600 miles away. “They were acting like I purposely got Covid,” Mr. Cronk said from his new apartment. “I had hundreds of death threats per day. People telling me I should be publicly stoned.” Canadians might be known internationally as nice, apologetic and fair-minded. But, a year after the pandemic arrived, some Canadians worry it has exposed a very different national persona: judgmental, suspicious and vengeful. Covid-shaming has become fervent in parts of the country, with locals calling for the heads of not just politicians and doctors breaking the rules but their own family members and neighbors. “It’s not getting Covid—it’s breaking the rules that worries us,” said Randy Boyagoda, a novelist and English professor at the University of Toronto, noting that a Canadian foundational motto is “peace, order and good government.”

A Utah city has been forgiving parking tickets in exchange for food donations (CNN) city in Utah is letting residents donate food in exchange for wiping out their parking tickets. Heber City tried to get folks to move their parked cars off the streets to make room for snowplows, but the warnings didn’t work and police had to issue a lot of citations. So, starting last week and going to February 22, police will toss a parking ticket for anyone who brings in five non-perishable, non-expired food items. “Covid has taken means away from people and it’s tough times. We wanted to be able to have another solution and maybe have a positive charge to the negative on the parking citations,” said police Sgt. Tammy Thacker. The city has received tons of donations since announcing the program on a Facebook post, she said. “We did have several people that have called in and donated food without (having) parking citations,” Thacker told CNN.

What a Texas Plumber Faces Now: A State Full of Burst Pipes (NYT) Randy Calazans is one of the hottest commodities in Texas right now. He’s a plumber. The winter weather nightmare that swept through the state last week cut off power and heat to millions of homes that were never designed for frigid temperatures. Up and down the state, people were driven from their homes, or came back to find them badly damaged, by pipes and valves and tanks that froze and burst. So when the snow started to defrost and the sun made a coveted return, plumbers were suddenly like roofers after a hurricane: Everybody seemed to need one, all at once. At One Call Plumbing, the plumbing business where Mr. Calazans works, employees have been answering the phones nonstop in a small office with sprawling maps of Houston on the walls. The owner, Edgar Connery, said he had been in the business for nearly 40 years and had never seen a crush like this after other natural disasters. Some other companies had gotten so swamped that they stopped answering the phone at all. With power largely restored and temperatures back to the more seasonable 60s and 70s, Texans continued to grapple on Sunday with the state’s continuing water crisis. Some reservoirs in the state were refilling again after nearly being drained by all of the burst water mains, leaking pipes, and faucets that were left running to keep from freezing.

Shops, haircuts return in April as UK lifts lockdown slowly (AP) British Prime Minister Boris Johnson announced a slow easing of one of Europe’s strictest pandemic lockdowns on Monday, saying children will return to class and people will be able to meet a friend outside for coffee in two weeks’ time. But those longing for a haircut, a restaurant meal or a pint in a pub have almost two months to wait, and people won’t be able to hug loved ones that they don’t live with until May at the earliest. Britain has had Europe’s deadliest coronavirus outbreak, with more than 120,000 deaths. Faced with a dominant virus variant that scientists say is both more transmissible and more deadly than the original virus, the country has spent much of the winter under a tight lockdown. Bars, restaurants, gyms, schools, hair salons and nonessential shops are closed, people are urged not to travel out of their local area and foreign holidays are illegal.

China calls for reset in Sino-U.S. relations (Reuters) Senior Chinese diplomat Wang Yi said on Monday the United States and China could work together on issues like climate change and the coronavirus pandemic if they repaired their damaged bilateral relationship. Wang, a Chinese state councillor and foreign minister, said Beijing stood ready to reopen constructive dialogue with Washington after relations between the two countries sank to their lowest in decades under former president Donald Trump. Wang called on Washington to remove tariffs on Chinese goods and abandon what he said was an irrational suppression of the Chinese tech sector, steps he said would create the “necessary conditions” for cooperation. Before Wang spoke at a forum sponsored by the foreign ministry, officials played footage of the “ping-pong diplomacy” of 1972 when an exchange of table tennis players cleared the way for then U.S. President Richard Nixon to visit China. Wang urged Washington to respect China’s core interests, stop “smearing” the ruling Communist Party, stop interfering in Beijing’s internal affairs and stop “conniving” with separatist forces for Taiwan’s independence.

Myanmar grinds to a halt as hundreds of thousands strike against military coup (Washington Post) Bank tellers, cooks, grocery workers and hundreds of thousands of others in Myanmar answered a call for a general strike on Monday to protest the military coup, bringing cities to a standstill despite fears of a violent crackdown. The show of defiance was the largest and most coordinated since the military seized power on Feb. 1, and it came against the backdrop of official warnings of bloodshed. Protesters hoped to send a signal that they will not accept military rule and are willing to cripple the economy and risk death to achieve democracy. Killings of protesters “can happen anytime in Yangon, but we have to keep doing what we should do, even if the soldiers are ready to shoot us,” said Thura Zaw, a 32-year-old resident. “Under the military dictatorship, no one is safe whether you take to the streets or sit at home, so we chose to voice our objection rather than staying silent.” Resistance has been building since the armed forces ousted Myanmar’s elected government three weeks ago, returning the country to direct military rule after a decade-long quasi-democratic experiment. Since then, the military has detained more than 400 people, including civilian leader Aung San Suu Kyi and ousted Myanmar president Win Myint, charging them with minor infractions to keep them locked up.

Six months after massive Beirut explosion, official investigation has been upended (Washington Post) The Lebanese judge leading the investigation into the August explosion that tore through Beirut had set his sights on the caretaker prime minister and three former ministers, charging them with negligence for ignoring the highly combustible material stored for six years on the waterfront. But when two of the former ministers filed a complaint, alleging Judge Fadi Sawan had demonstrated a lack of neutrality by charging prominent figures to appease the public, he was dropped last week from the case. More than six months after the explosion, which killed more than 200 people, injured more than 7,500 others and devastated large portions of the capital, the official investigation is struggling to break through Lebanon’s culture of corruption and political influence to hold anyone of consequence accountable.

Deals For Doses (NYT) The official story given for last week’s release of a young Israeli woman being held in Syria was that it was a straight prisoner swap, with Israel releasing two Syrian shepherds it had been detaining. That wasn’t the whole story, however. Pursuant to a ‘secret’ deal negotiated by Russia, Israel also agreed to pay Moscow to send enough Russian-made Sputnik V coronavirus vaccines to Syria to inoculate nearly half that country’s population. The Israeli government declined to comment on the vaccine part of the deal, while the Syrian Arab News Agency denied that vaccines were ever part of the arrangement. Even so, the story highlights how vaccines are increasingly becoming part of international diplomacy. It also reflects the vast and growing disparity between wealthy countries like Israel that have made considerable headway with coronavirus vaccines and could soon return to a kind of normalcy, and poor ones like Syria that have not.

Oil spill leads Israel to close beaches (CNN) Israeli authorities are trying to locate the source of a suspected oil spill that has been described as one of the most severe ecological disasters to hit the country, threatening wildlife, forcing beaches to close and prompting a mass cleanup. Blobs of sticky tar started washing up on the country’s Mediterranean shores last week. Images posted on official government accounts showed sea birds and turtles covered in tar and sticky oil. “The enormous amounts of tar emitted in recent days to the shores of Israel from south to north caused one of the most severe ecological disasters to hit Israel,” the country’s Nature and Parks Authority said Sunday. The extent of the pollution is so bad, Israel’s Ministry of Interior issued an advisory Sunday urging people to stay away from the country’s beaches. A massive cleanup is underway but the Nature and Parks Authority said it would take a long time to make the marine area safe again.

Dozens of Boeing 777 planes grounded in US and Japan after engine failure (The Verge) Airlines in Japan and the US have grounded dozens of Boeing 777 aircraft after the dramatic engine failure that United Airlines flight 328 experienced over Denver this weekend. According to the National Transportation Safety Board’s ongoing investigation, two fan blades on the plane’s number 2 engine had developed fractures. The Federal Aviation Administration issued an emergency airworthiness directive that requires “immediate or stepped-up inspections of Boeing 777 airplanes equipped with certain Pratt & Whitney PW4000 engines.” The administration noted that this was likely to result in aircraft being removed from service. Boeing has also told airlines to stop flying planes equipped with the engine, according to The Wall Street Journal. “We reviewed all available safety data following yesterday’s incident,” FAA administrator Steve Dickson said in a statement. “Based on the initial information, we concluded that the inspection interval should be stepped up for the hollow fan blades that are unique to this model of engine, used solely on Boeing 777 airplanes.”

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